#''Im so important and nobody will get their job done without me''

[bruhstation]

checking out theodore tugboat right now and all I can say is that foduck would really benefit from reading the dsm v

#zin.txt #my beautiful princess with various personality disorders. please talk to me. #I don't think I'm joking like atp he's DEFINITELY an undiagnosed autism and ocd haver. maybe bpd too.... many such cases #which is why he's always like ''I don't know why I feel like this''or ''I'm so sorry I don't know why I did that'' #him get upset over his coworkers stopping in the middle of work #going back and forth between valuing himself and feeling incredibly lesser than his peers because he is told to guard the docks #and cannot go out to the ocean #thus making his V title ''not worth anything'' according to him #''Im so important and nobody will get their job done without me'' #[5 minutes later] #''I am not a part of the team because I cannot go out to the ocean and my Vigilant title has no meaning'' #also the way he views his friends always changes like #one minute he's doting on them and cheering them on #next minute he's angry and agitated and dislikes them #next minute he's alll sorry and worried and anxious. curious indeed #living rent free inside my head and his neighbors are gordon and boomer

[inkdemonapologist]

nobody asked but since I've seen a lil chatter on the DCTL Graphic Novel on tumblr too, here's the thread I posted on twitter, speaking as someone who's done a little freelance work as a comic artist, under the jump:

Main thought about the DCTL graphic novel preview is: yeah, I've made designs like that when I was being paid by the page and expected to just throw in extra design work for free and I have a deadline and no time to scour the source material or really put my heart into the design No shade to the artist; every complaint I have about the pages we've seen is that this looks like someone who was just working (quickly) from a script. The artist is likely not a Big Fan, so they only know the info and descriptions they're given. And the artist's portfolio shows they're capable of the kind of designs and dynamics this comic needed. its possible they phoned it in for no reason, but feels more likely to be "not enough time/not paid enough/not given enough info to give it that level of care." Which, don't get me wrong; an important level of craftsmanship and care is missing and im not gonna blame the artist but i AM gonna be a hater abt it lmao It's not just about designs; the convo with Joey is another good example. It's a literal illustration of the things Joey said and did in that scene, but it's missing the point -- that scene is our introduction to the way Joey throws Buddy off-balance. That energy is missing. And that's the sort of thing that needs the script to convey this purpose well to the artist, that needs the artist to have time & freedom to invest in portraying it, that needs time & investment & knowledge to ask for adjustments at early stages and get the page right one more note: begging batim fans 2 think abt the plot of DCTL and realise why "maybe we will not make the creepy guy who dies at the end a black man in this" is perhaps a reasonable choice. like im a fan of poc norman headcanons too but pls recognise this would be a tough call!! anyway, genuinely cannot wait to see how off sammy is gonna be in this lmao. will he be a mid non-design like norman or will he be conventionally handsome or will he get graphic novel dave miller vibes b/c hes an antagonist? will we get the fabled black hair sammy??? i cant wait

TL;DR I strongly suspect this was an issue of not enough time/not enough money. That design looks nothing like the description of Norman, right? Like, there's hundreds of different AU designs of all shapes, colours and sizes that you could create that would still look like Norman Polk, but somehow they managed to make a character that isnt ANY of them, lmao??? So... how could that happen, unless nobody gave the artist a description of Norman? Or if they did, how did that design make it past anyone else, unless there wasn't time for revisions or a system worked out for revisions, unless whoever was managing the comic project thought it was fine if the designs didn't fit with the descriptions in the book? If everyone is doing their job, then the artist is given the information they need without having to go do unpaid YA novel research before they can start drawing. That's why you have a writer adapting it!!

("they should hire fans, a fan would've done a better job" OK BUT THATS B/C FANS ARE MORE LIKELY TO ALLOW THEMSELVES TO BE EXPLOITED AND DO EXTRA UNPAID WORK B/C THEY CARE!! THATS NOT A SOLUTION!!!! THATS A JOEY DREW STRAT!!!!!!!)

Anyway I could yell about this for 15 years so I'm going to shush for now BUT I JUST FEEL VERY STRONGLY ABOUT IT LMAO.

#genuinely tho now that i dont have to worry abt the possibility that it might be good #i can just relax and be excited to discover how far off it will be #im a hater abt this but everyone be nice to the artist lmao #bendy saltposting #we all write on the walls #is abby going to be in a suit like she's supposed to be? #how accurate will dot be? #will jacob even be black? #we could do a whole DCTL Comic Discrepancy Bingo i think it would be fun #HOW CLOSE TO GINGER ROGERS IS ALLISON GOING TO LOOK

[sblvrgg]

idk why i'm writing this but yeah here we go

i have danced my whole life, not like at a pro level but i've been in a few competitions with the crew i used to be in

i stopped training seriously in 2021 because of uni+my job but ofc i kept dancing like around the house, with my sibling or my friends, whenever and wherever i could

i've been following stray kids for a few months now and istg i've never missed dancing so bad, seeing them practicing or performing on stage made me want to dance again but not randomly, like i really wanted to learn and practice a serious choreo and all that

so here i am, learning "taste" from a mirrored video cause it has everything a choreo should have (fast and slow movements, a lot of body control, interpretation, two whole octaves on the floor) and most importantly everything i used to be absolutely bad at hahaha

these are my knees right now

guess i should've worn knee pads (btw yes i'm in my pjs rn and no i haven't shaved, it's still winter, fuck shaving)

they hurt a bit and my thighs do too but it's like SO FUCKING SATISFYING AAAAAAHHHHHH it took a few hours to learn the whole choreo and i'm much slower than i used to be in the past, also i'm super out of practice but the fact itself that i do wanna practice is like a miracle after three years of... nothing? cause i really hate sports and gyms so when i stopped dancing i did absolutely nothing but going for a walk sometimes

i know it sounds super cliché but this is the first time i get attached to an idol (minho) and wow idols in general can really inspire a lot even if you'll never really know them and they won't ever know that you exist, it's so weird cause they enter your life without asking anything but giving you so much respect and inspiration and devotion like WHY SHOULD YOU BE SO IMPORTANT TO ME??? WHO ARE YOU???? NOBODY ASKED FOR THIS??? BUT I KINDA LOVE IT NOW???

HAHFKCNWOWjd OK IM DONE BYE

#stray kids #skz #skz minho #lee minho #lee know #idols #kpop idol #dancing

[thenwhatthefukcisthis]

Arthur didn’t miss the militarisation; he chose to omit that information : a word salad

I don’t think there’s a single mistake in movie history that has riled up this many people as arthur darling missing militarisation of Fischer. It’s (beautifully, always) taken as the moment eames shows arthur “it’s okay bb I love you” in all the fics ever (keep doing that please it’s my jam) and over the past 13 years people have been toying different ideas trying to figure out the reason for the best point man in the industry to miss such important detail of the job.

nobody asked, but here’s my two cents on it.

But first, lemme briefly mention the theories I have seen so far in the fandom regarding this

1. Arthur missed it. Just as it’s portrayed in the movie. He’s just human and humans are bound to make mistakes. There’s no mystery/backstory/explanation; he just missed it. cause even tho he strives to be, he isn’t 100% perfect.

(it’s very possible, but where’s the fun in this explanation cmon)

2. Arthur missed it cause he was too burned out by the long two years of babysitting cobb and he was too busy in inception job itself playing mentor to Ariadne while doing his point man duties

(I agree. totally. He needed to be wrapped in a blanket and fed cookies 30 seconds in to the damn movie)

3. Arthur didn’t miss it. He hid the fact intentionally to con the team. He was double crossing cobb/Eames and was actually helping cobol/CIA so he made the job difficult by keeping it a secret

(I’m not overly fond of this explanation, and it’s doesn’t ring true with the canon, but I see the appeal. The whole eames/arthur enemies to lovers extravaganza *chefs kiss*)

4. Arthur didn’t miss anything. Fischer wasn’t militarised. The projections were cobbs, including that giant ass train.

(Im not smart enough to completely understand this explanation but it’s a big brain idea *applause*)

so.. now onto the silly little idea I had.

(this could very well be an already discussed idea, I’m waaaaay late to the party, but I just haven’t come across it so far. Please bear with me if you’ve mentioned/seen someone mention it anywhere)

What if..what if it was arthur himself who militarised Fischer. What if it’s a job he did while running around the world with cobb and he did it from everyone?

in actual, real world, country hopping, funding lawyers, paying for law suits and funding for two kids actually need a truckload of money. While the Miles couple must’ve helped with some of those expenses, there must’ve been a huge amount of balance for cobb to cover, and despite being a runaway dad, cobb must’ve tried his best to make things at home were going smooth at home, taking as much jobs he could get, even the riskier and shadier ones.

however, with his mind falling apart and mal being not so lovely, there must’ve been a moment the efforts just weren’t enough. Cobb wouldn’t have mentioned it or more likely, wouldn’t have even noticed it, cause if the movie is any indication, the tabs must’ve been kept by a certain very meticulous point man.

arthur ,more than anyone else, knew how much cobb wanted to see his children and how hard he was trying to get his name cleared and get back to them. so, letting cobb know that he wasn’t dong enough as a father and a protector was definitely out in arthurs book.

so what if, while pretending for both his and cobbs sake that everything was just fine, arthur started taking up extra work to fill out those gaps? certainly not heavy inception-level work, but the ones which would only require a point man or just an architect. jobs without too much trouble, almost legal and which could be done in between jobs.

and arthur wouldn’t have minded missing a few nights sleep here and there, if it meant the lawyers keeping the feds off cobbs back were paid and happy. he knew his best friend was already beating himself up for mal, both the real life person and the projection and leaving such young kids alone, so even when cobb grumbled about research being completed late, arthur never let cobb know it’s cause he’s also handling another jobs research and add to the staggering weight of guilt his friend carried.

so what if, militarisation of Fisher was one such run-in-the-mill job that was done in super secrecy? Arthur was consulted when fishcer senior fell ill, arthur flew in (stateside), met Robert barely once, did the job and flew back.

when inception came along, arthur was obviously in a nice little pickle and he knew he had to talk cobb out of it (in the movie, we could see arthur being wary of inception from the get go, and while the extreme chance of utter failure could’ve been the reason, this could also be the reason why he didn’t wanna go through with it *cue stabby salad scene*) there was no way arthur could tell this to cobb without hurting him as then he would’ve had to explain all the rest to him as well.

being the point does mean he has to know it all, but it never says the others also have to know as much he does. so arthur keeps it hidden, but takes all the precautions; he makes sure everything is planned well and that everyone is trained in gun combat ( even the first class flight attendant specially the first class flight attendant ), knowing that worse that could happen would be dying in a dream, which for arthur, only meant waking up at that point. arthur was sure they could go thru with it cause as he says in the movie “it’s nothing they haven’t dealt with before”.

I love the level of calmness arthur was exuding when cobb tears him a new one and while it could be simply because arthurs life long experience of dealing with cranky cobb, there was also this hint of resigned “I’ve been expecting this” nature to his demeanour that was too calm, even for arthur. He tries to calm cobb down in the most placating manner cause Arthur must’ve decided that he deserves whatever that’s coming along his way and has been ready to take the blame since day one and tries his damndest to make sure everyone makes it out alive cause he was prepared and was sure. arthur didn’t mind playing the betrayer so that cobb could walk away guilt free out of inception.

however, what arthur never, ever expected was the person he has considered as his closest friend, to betray him and everyone else in the worst possible manner.

#Dee defends arthur 2024 #this thought wouldn’t let me sleep and I’m not talented enough to write a fic about it or draw it so a word salad is what you would get #Arthur darling is the best #LEMME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS #keep them coming please #inception #Arthur inception

[larsnicklas]

is it bad to say im truly not that devastated bc i didn’t want them to advance without boes :/ altho it sucks that demmer never got his chance to come back. also i’m on holiday starting yesterday and now i can actually enjoy it without my every waking moment being consumed by fear. like i’m upset but we move. cats 4 cup

no i felt the same way! lol. i think disappointment is also tempered by the fact that they overachieved on reasonable expectations from the start of the year so it feels like (and genuinely was) such an enormous step forward that nobody can possibly say they didn’t have a great season. i also think for me personally, with the exception of the caps, any loyalty to teams i have is rooted in the players i love and so the absence of any of my favorites really affects how badly i want them to win lol. the loss of demmer already stung a lot bc he’s like the only other goalie i’ve genuinely loved since h.oltby 😭 and then with brock done for the year i was kind of like. okay actually i don’t want to do this without them!!!! with brock particularly it’s like. that’s the guy that was the FIRST bit of light… the first spark of hope…. and after him came pete and quinn and so on and so forth but he was that first shift into a new core. he deserves to be a key part of any deep run and i know that’s not how sports work and you can’t guarantee anything but he’d already made such a huge mark in the first 12 games of the postseason i just know he would have had more signature moments!!!

i also think for me it was like. you run an assessing eye over the most important player on your team, the guy who tilts the ice for you on any given night, and he is so very clearly fighting through being quite banged up. and so realistically speaking how much more did quinn have left in the tank, you know? he did a good job even with any limitations from injuries but i just am not sure there was another quality round, much less a strong final in him lol. like i do believe he would have continued playing until physically unable/shut down by docs but the quality of play would have not been to his (very high) standards.

and then uh while i’m airing this out!!! when the c.anucks go deep i want ep in a good place physically and mentally and idk that he was either this postseason!! he’s such a game changer like when he’s at his best he is an incandescent player and one of the most exciting guys in the game. and obviously one of my particular favorites! any actual success the nucks see i would like him to be an enormous part of it, which i know he can and will be!

at the end of the day it always sucks to lose but there are so many good things to have come out of this season, including getting into the second round on the first try for this particular group. this experience is going to serve them so so well in the future and i bet they will all be itching to get back on the ice for the 2024-25 season ♡

#meg.askbox #sorry for the essay!!!! 😭 #and yes GO CATS ‼️

[mejomonster]

justice in the dark random thoughts (as usual take all my comments as potentially hyped up u know i joke a lil ToT)

It’s so fun to me how the show starts, by painting Pei Su as suspicious as the lead in Flower of Evil where you’re meant to think “mm IS he a killer?” but then after a few episodes you see him through Luo Weizhao’s pov and he’s just BABY. Sweet boy in pain. Lovable brat. On one level its like WOW way to make the audience fond and soft for a guy you painted like a killer before, by showing him through Luo Weizhao’s pov, and how he himself softens around Luo without even noticing always that he does (although he’s certainly aware he’s more vulnerable and open around him). But on another level it’s like? No wonder Luo Weizhao both had his doubts on Pei Su’s motives and wants to sort of steer him away from certain actions/behaviors, and yet can’t believe the ‘im a monster’ rants coming out of Pei Su. Because in Luo Weizhao’s perspective it’s just TOO hard to believe it, given what he sees when he sees Pei Su. Like he sees THIS: 

I really like the side cast, I haven’t even gone into it. Like obviously Xiao Qiao and Glasses and Tao Ran and the quiet guy are perfect as the team I remember. But also Therapist Bai is perfect, Zhang Donglan isn’t what I expected but his actor brings a charisma and fun element to the role i think absolutely benefits the show because it makes the character Fun to watch (whereas in the book i tuned him out a lot), the guy playing the first killer was a perfect similar-to-Fei in some ways visually and in portrayal that the story needed while being his own kind of fucked, the girl case so far is perfect casting (it feels out of my brain onto screen visually), the first victim was nice as this boy we learn of through those who knew him first and only see scenes of him more toward the end of his case. He did a good job at looking like this ordinary nobody boy, but also hammering home even a nobody is loved and important and the center of the WORLD to those who care about them. He’s just another random noone in this huge city, but to his mom he is the light of it, he’s worth digging into his case to save him and anyone as Luo and Tao see it, he’s worth Pei Su exposing his heaviest trauma on live television in front of the entire city just to save who He Zongyi would’ve WANTED saved - his mom that he did all that work to get money to take care of. It’s a parallel to Luo Weizhao and Tao Ze’s first case of trying to save Pei Su and get answers for him. To them wanting to save this kid, even though society was going to rule it a suicide and sweep it under the rug and be Done. It’s Pei Su able to do for He Zongyi’s mother what Luo and Tao could NOT do for him - find her an answer, save her, remind her that her son would want her to live. It’s an echo of their shared past and an example of a better future where they’ can succeed when they’ve failed before. And of course, it says a lot about them. That they do care for a delivery boy who’s dead, who they don’t even know. That Pei Su, heartless as he says he is, has that same intense level of care for a stranger that dies, that Luo Weizhao had for him and his mom as a child - also total strangers, but Luo was willing to practically co-raise Pei Su growing up, to have a secret investigation he wasn’t supposed to have, to do so MUCH just for this stranger. And now Pei Su has grown up into the kind of person who also cares so much he’s willing to do ALL this for a stranger. He feels a responsibility to, he cares.

#justice in the dark #lb #meta

[esohcysp110127]

Life is tough, hard to imagine when childhood was fucked up. It's hard to do anything and even a small thing can hurt and be hard to achieve.

System is fucked for sure.

Probably you've but how about trying again? It must be hurting to try again and again and relapse. Feeling of not starting again, and hopelessness can fill our minds because of relapse which is completely understandable.

But how about trying one more time? Doing things that can help you to get better - health-wise. Eating, and drinking healthy things.

It won't be easy and will take time

but abandoning those things can lead us to relapse. I understand that it's easier said than done how about starting from from step 0?

I've tried a lot and life, not me, but life her-fucking-self, gave me a big fuck you in the face everytime. So you know what i told myself? Im simply not made for the physical world and thats okay. Why everyone is so dramatic about that, just let us leave in peace. Not everyone who's born on earth is made for this life and thats normal. What is not normal is keeping us here suffering more & more everyday. I've always tough like that, is not recent. At 10yrs old i was already thinking this way. Life is fucking weird and there's no more humanity, only selfishness and material value.

And what if i'm trying? Is my anxiety about the world going horribly bad is gonna magically impact me less? Is the depression inside my dna is gonna let me have a life like all of you? Having a job to pay my rent, my car & my food? Are my hobbies are gonna come back and im i gonna make more money 'cause of 'em? Im a gonna go to the gym to have a healty body even tho my immune system is fucked up for life and my symptom could come back any day without a hint? Im i gonna be able to find friends? A lover? Putting the little energy i have in my body to always argue with stupid people because nobody have the same mind as me???

Listen. I'm only gonna have hope when i'm gonna meet someone who is just like me. I know it exist. Im not unique it impossible. Otherwise there is no hope and no point to continue. I'm not important at all and i dont care, life is meaningless and stop having this weird positivity thats fucking mental. Let suffering poeple die in peace.

#esohcysp #esohcysp ask #ask #depressing thought #anxitey #bad life #toxic positivity #fake positivity #suffering #dark thoughts #real life #thoughts #lets talk about the real things

[effyoudumbler]

Notes written when I was insane 1

I name things I like, after things I wish to understand

That’s the crux of me, isnt it. All that I like, is that which I have Desire to understand, and yet, simply Cannot. If I could, I would, and so, I wouldn’t have any reason to like that thing anymore. Tragic.

In order to every enjoy things, I have to severely limit my acuity. That, or, I have to be paying attention to just one part about it I dont understand

Oh

Yeah

“

“

I was hunting those animals

And played my misery

But then

It turned out to be birds

Building a nest for a family

…

That is surreallity.

Why was he hunting them

Who is he

Why is he there

The only clue is his appearance

A nobody really

And

The music he played

And how he stopped and seemed

Longing, and sorrowful

Very subtle

Looked forlorn, incomplete

Staring, with a mild, sad turn of his lips

Once he realized theres no animal

Birds

Building a nest

And so he leaves

Why was I shown this

Why is this something that the man remembers

Its obviously about longing for a family

But

Its so

Dreamlike, of an interpretation

It seemed like nothing happened

And yet

In his eyes, this was very, deeply important

Yes, in his eyes….

The sad man, and the nesting roost of birds in his properties woods

So close

So far

Unobtainable

In pain

Hurt

Humans were built to worship

Poor man

When a man dies, his treasures die with him

Such is fate

All of this dream, is but a song

That takes me somewhere else

So that I can endure the wild real life

All of my endeavors

Are but love

A mechanical inclination of hunger

Desiring to… how to put it…

Be greater than even the pulse of Time itself

To be immortal

But also

Something more

To be pure again

To be pure, again

I am obsessive because I am scared

Im scared because my autism produces extra stress, and on top of that, makes stress deplenish very slowly

Im stronger than i realize

If i can be up 32 hours no sweat

Coffee sure is something

What was that garbage mother handed me long ago

It hardly worked at all

This shits the real stuff

Like

Wow

Id have DOUBLE the time to do anything

Any

Thing

Woahhhhhhhhh

All of the things

Double double double double

I give up

And the reason is

I mask around others

So hard

Ive lost my way

And Im stubborn to a fault

Dammit

So thats how i die

I see it so clear now

I will die due to my action of stubborness

If not random chance

Refusing to admit there is a problem

Well

More so

Im so lonely

Short term gains

I cant live without it, I say

I say

I say

Whenever have I proved

Witgout confidence

There is no future

I cannot keep masking

But

I dont want to be weak

Vulnerable

Why

Youre obsessed with that

Without confidence

There is no future

I just

Without money

I feel no confidence

Forced to talk

To leave

I feel no confidence

I cant trust my family

I dont want to be weak

I also have a burning curiosity

When i was younger i wouldnt have minded being weak

But not anymore

Weakness gets you worse than death

Loneliness

…

How can i do work when im starving

How cqn i eat when i have to cook

How can i cook if i have to clean

How can i clean when people wont help

When everything is so ugly

Then i have to shower

And defecate

Tsk

You are a person who must fold to Anxiety

Think of this

Once anxiety hits you

You should do everything you can

To obliterate it

“But then ill get new anxieties”

So what

So what

They were always there anyway

Whether or not you tried now or later

You must tackle anxieties

The moment they appear in your head

You are where your treasure is

If my wife worked at like

Some shitty job hauling plutonium

Damn sure I’d go there with her

Just to be in the surrounding vicinities of her

Its what I feel must be done

I want a wife who wants a helicopter husband

Cringe

Sigh

[sunchildnewton]

the and a common, sunflower

a falcon wing

the and a common, sunflower

3 min read

·

Just now

her desert and boy dusty.

by : the and a common, sunflower

“sad ol dusty this makes my day feel as if i have lived for two weeks not my entire life so time spills like my cold brew and even that can make a person shameful of their inability to grow or be anything that a person could want and im honest about how this makes me feel because you can just be difficult and nameless that probably has something to do with you being in your thirties a silly ol bear with lizards and butterflies for home friends some might even say pets should feel exactly how you feel about dating underage girls and no i am not impressed with how happy her forty year old mother is about her thirteen year old daughter feelings about finding you in a pit of darkness as she said but only because although her mom has live passed the 1990s she still suffers so that mean that there is no hope for the future as far as growing up happy because someone as smart and beautiful as her could not even get it done and that should probably make the whole room in hell remorseful and forgiving but then again it is hell so maybe everybody just goes back to burning up the sidewalks and not paying any attention to what should be important since nobody really even cares anyway”. “You have done a really heroic job about bringing a hundred people together but honestly your world is dead because there is nobody in it but you dusty you know? everything you've ever bought has been cheap and this baby like children want to wrap their pale blonde arms into your old clothes which aren't to be considered something you have bought even if you have for i cant label anything touching a god cheap or anything stupid like that never mind just forget that i have said anything that can be taken as a message for my boring sad repetitive life that only has twenty real life people in it and these smart rich people aren't fooling anybody with these social media websites and apps see i have friended a person yesterday and when i saw her today she did not speak to me and tomorrow she might not even be alive since a wrist that can be slit is closer than her mom or a telephone or the emergency police government do you understand? if you don't that's cool too because there is nobody talking in this room but me and you and i want everyone to know that we meet and that we are in love but they never will they never will because telling the whole world about you will only be important on these social media sites.”. “i talked to jenny the other day and she's not doing so good and plus her mom and her dad said that since her grandmother died she hasn't been able to eat any of her tomato soup which really really sucks because that's her favorite food and not because its the only thing that she eats she eats cheese sticks too but they are the only thing that goes together good with her soup so without soup she wouldn't eat that either i know this because her mother and grandfather have confirmed this she only eats them with soup and i miss her getting to eat her favorite food especially since all of the hot guys in school don't really know anything about her at all and we all just wish that we could dropout but we cant and plus in four years we would all just feel stupid like adults anyway so somebody should kill themselves so parents can remember to take us seriously when were sad it should be someone who is as pretty as she is popular it should be a girl since nobody cares about boys expect girls but boys don't care about girls so there”. I nodded my head because it was time for me to sleep “sorry I couldn't make you the happiest little girl in the world little miss perfect” I told her and she just hugged me sobbing. “its ok dusty I know that I am only a ninth grader and you you are only a common, sunflower.

[moon-cycling]

this week i have needed sleep and time to myself more than anything. i have gotten to bed early and gotten like the recommended 7-8 hours of sleep each night. and rested a lot, like not done anything too strenuous besides cooking - which is arguably relaxing and good for your body because homemade meals... duh. but i am exhausted. and many things are going on. I had to have a breast exam this week that was energetically depleting. i had to take anxiety meds and hold back tears as i tried to get all of the answers i wanted from the doctor. that was hard but happy in the end. i am missing my boyfriend more than ever. its never been easy to be apart, and we have always missed each other, but now it feels like i am missing such a huge happy part of my life that its killing me. and maybe that's just the comparison of how life is together to how i feel alone. which clearly isn't amazing because i am so so tired. i am working more than i have in the last year. i had so many jobs in 20202021ish and even when i finally cut back on work, my life outside of work did not stop and i was always interacting with other people. because that gives my life so much meaning. but i had a realization that i was not looking at myself as equally wonderful to connect with. and now i do really, but i do struggle with just setting aside the time, especially when i feel like i am not being fully present for struggling loved ones at the moment. and no one is necessarily making me feel like that, but it is an insecurity of mine. i have sooo many people in my life and if i was constantly thinking about everyone (which is how i lived my life until maybe my birthday this year) i would have negative time for sleep and my own body.

so this morning i had a feeling i should cut back on my hours. i am really trying to work a lot and get a lot of money, but it is severely taking time away from myself. when i am not working a "full" schedule, i get anxiety that i am not working enough and that my life has no purpose without the services i can provide to others. when i am working too much, i feel myself wanting to check out more and just get through the week, focus on sleeping eating and resting. which i romanticized at first to get through it like wow you can just focus on your needs like a little baby in order to make money and be comfortable. but now....baby needs a nap big time. baby will get sick and not be able to work anyways if i don't listen to my body. so today i felt like i needed to listen to my body and not participate in a few hours of work. while i do want money, it is a small amount comparatively and i felt like getting rest was more important today so that my body felt better, always feels like it is flirting with illness this time of year. i felt so guilty cancelling these three hours of work, going back and forth about it in my mind for so long. i couldn't quite put my finger on why but i just really felt like today i should stay home. and alas one of the children in my household i work in is actually sick and they were not going to tell me that. which i do not blame them for, i blame this country and its demands of mothers and parents and lack of support and lack of care of illness and all of that.

but im just so glad i listened to my body because nobody else can. and the families i work with because of the government we have, cannot provide me with the typical job benefits that most people i know with full schedule jobs enjoy. again, i do not blame them, but i do not think that i should be expected to have the same regulations as a salaried and benefitted job. i do not get sick or vacation time, so i just take it without pay when i need to. i try and let people know in advance if i just need personal time, but i am not going to let myself feel like a bad person because its not personal. i am not personally doing anything to these families and same to me. they would maybe expose me to a virus (like another did last week) because they feel they have no choice. they need the childcare that badly so that they can work and make money for their families. i am a person and i am in a family and i also need to take care of myself and my wellbeing and the health of those around me. there are maybe 5 people in america who wake up in a demanding full schedule job and are happy about it. i choose to have a more flexible job because then no job can take my autonomy away from me.

i also just naturally feel so drawn to domestic life, but not in a housewife kind of way. in a i-want-to-make-food-for-people-i-love-and-i-love-everyone-kind of way. i see the genuine importance in keeping spaces clean and healthy and spending time with people, and will not neglect those parts of my life for paid work. because it is work to cook and clean and emotionally tend to people.

i just cannot feel bad about taking time off because then i will be taking on the stress and demands of a system that over time i will not necessarily see the same benefits of. and that so many people wish they had the ability to be more flexible with. and living this kind of life brings on its own stresses and uncertainties that i have to figure out myself, because no one is figuring it out for me.

[schecterism]

I found a way to move out of my abusive parents house and my emotions are really all over the place. I've been trying to get away from my mother ever since I can remember; my dad spent years trying to get full custody of me as a kid, but of course it never happened since he died before he could swing it. in many ways its bittersweet. I love my mom but I know she doesn't love me. I care for her and yet I know the inverse is not true. and finally something happened that made me realize I stopped caring and stopped valuing the possibility of someday winning her love. my parents have beat me down every time I've tried to do anything for myself. they took the car my dad left for me when he died and used it so often that I still don't have a license at 23 and that the entire car is almost unusable from them trashing it. any time I try to do anything positive they don't let me do it. they treat me like a child while yelling at me to grow up. they beat me down and yell at me tell me im nothing and won't even let me keep my food in the house anymore. so I'm done. I called my grandparents who know my mothers character and know how awful she is and they told me they can take me in temporarily. my boyfriend's grandma, the wonderful woman that she is, told me she can rent me a room at her place for 50 dollars a week as long as I have a job. utilities all included, bed included, most everything included. everyone around me has offered to teach me to drive on their own time, something my mother would never do. she'd even tell me if I wanted to learn so bad I should just get behind the wheel and figure it out!

I'm so terrified to be on my own in the adult sense. nobody to buy me my shampoo or pads or other incidentals (yes she was abusive, but she would mostly get me things I needed so I couldnt say she never did anything for me, and anywaysshe constantly held these things over my head in case i ever 'made her mad'.) I'm scared ill never see my parents again because I've never lived without them. I tell people it's so much more comfortable to sit and do nothing than to dive in to being on my own, but it isn't really true. how is it possibly easier to stay somewhere where I'm constantly gaslit, made to feel small, yelled at, chastised, screamed at for bringing food home, and treated like nothing more than a doormat? it's not. but I guess I was in it so long that I have no idea what life could even be like without it.

and I really love my room. it's my sanctuary and I'm so incredibly sad to be leaving it. it's really something I love. i can't believe I have to leave it and it's so sad that I have to. but I'm not progressing at home. I've spent six years doing nothing but playing sims and crying my eyes out and compulsively scrolling my phone to escape the abuse and sleeping 12 hours a day. they beat me down to the point of never even trying anymore. I did everything for some scrap of approval and when I didn't get it I quit. I quit college, so many jobs, so many hobbies. but I'm done. I'm finally done and there's nothing more freeing and exciting than knowing that I'll never be that again. I'll never be a doormat, a little dog performing tricks, a nail being hammered down, a worm constantly wriggling away from two massive hawks. I'm so excited to be safe. and I'm so so goddamned excited to be unburdened.

it's sad to know I don't have parents. I don't have a mom, not really. my step-dad is nothing to me. they don't love me in any real way or actually care for my wellbeing. they're needlessly cruel most of the time and play games to watch me squirm. I feel like a little girl most of the time now, like I'm just reaching out for my mom and begging for her and pleading with her to stay and be my mom and to choose me, please please fucking choose me over that asshole. but she won't. she's admitted that he is more important to her and that she will never be the mother I want. and I guess I should take her at face value and drop her. im finally done. I'm finally going to be free of her.

#me #personal #abuse #narcissistic abuse #cptsd

[hoodieofholland]

hey love. I’m obsessed with mob!tom - could you write something where mob Tom and the reader have a really big fight and Tom says something that was really mean and reader storms out and doesn’t come back until late and night and Tom is super worried :) at the beginning angst and at the end fluff.

I actually asked other writers too to write this a while ago but nobody does it and I found your account now and I’m so in love with your writing you are super talented <3

Sorry if my English is not really good- it’s not my first language

A/n: dear anon, you were reading my mind! I was actually procrastinating with a draft of some angst with mob!tom for a while, and you just motivated me to write it again hahah im obsessed with mob!tom too btw, no shame on this lol. Thanks for requesting, hope you like it!

Masterlist Request/tell me your thoughts on this

Warnings bellow the cut!

Warnings: angst, language, mention of gun.

You throw your purse over the table as you storm inside the house, walking up to your room with a stern face, straightened back and confident steps, without saying a word. Tom watched you from behind, sighing as he knew what was about to come - you were pissed.

He followed you slowly, not wanting to hurry the fight that was about to come. He knew pretty well what he has done tonight, but wasn’t planning on apologize, as he was also sure he wasn’t wrong about it.

By the time he reached the main room, you were already in the closet, taking off your jewels and putting them inside their boxes. “Baby”, he called you, but you didn’t raise your head.

Your gesturing was obviously stating your humor - or the lack of it. You wasn’t being so careful with the expensive belongings, as you always made sure to be.

“Baby”, Tom tried again, sighing this time, “Can you at least tell me what the hell did I do?”

That was the breakpoint. You lifted your head to look at him sternly. “Seriously? You gonna really act like you don’t know?”

He snorts, running a hand through his brown curls. “I mean, I know. I just don’t get why you’re so upset about it”

You laugh humorless. “I’m upset ‘cause you fucking treated me like a doll, Tom. That’s why I’m upset about it!”

“What?”, he snapped, narrowing his eyes. “What the fuck, I just told that asshole of a waiter to get his shit together instead of eye-fucking you. For God’s sake, what’s wrong with that?”

"Well, maybe the fact that you made a scene in front of the manager because you were jealous?" You shout, shaking your hands. "Should I tell you the obvious fact that this man is probably fired now because of your speech?".

Tom was growing mad. He couldn't believe you were defending the guy who was flirting with you the whole dinner.

Turns out that what was supposed to be a calm and relaxing dinner quickly became something distasteful, as Tom took notice of the waiter that was serving your table that night looking at you with a dumb smile on his face the entire time. He could even see the guy talking to some other workers about you, staring at you like you were some kind of meal. So Tom did what he thought was right - he made it very clear that you were his girl and a employee shouldn't be looking at you like that.

"I don't give a single fuck if he's unemployed right now. He should take this as a lesson to not disrespect you or any other woman in his workplace", Tom said, undoing his tie and throwing it in anywhere in the wardrobe. He was tired and pissed with the whole situation - and, more important, with you, for making a big deal out of it.

"Disrespect me, or disrespect you, Tom?", you snap, eyes wide with anger. "Cause it didn't look like you were worried about me. Cause all I wanted was a peaceful dinner with my boyfriend, who actually never seems to be available to me, and you made it pretty hard for me to enjoy, just because you were mad for a guy possibly be flirting with your girl! Like I fucking belonged to you!"

"Oh, fuck off, y/n", he hissed, walking past the closet's door and going straight to the bathroom. "It's obvious I'd be pissed for the it too. You're my girl, and I don't think it's nice if other man look at you like that! Don't act like you've never done it too".

You followed him, yelling next. "Shit, you're unbelievable! What is it? Nobody can look at Tom Holland's girl? Because you're the great motherfucker mobster and I'm your fucking prize?"

Tom turned his body to glance at you again. He pointed a finger at you, eyes serious and penetrating. "I've never said it. That's not how I see this".

"Oh, really? So you care to explain me why do you keep doing that? We barely spend time together now, Tom, and when we finally get to have a nice night out, you make sure to state that I'm yours and that no other man can lay an eye on me", you sniff, unable to keep the cracked voice from coming out and show how upset you felt about it. "I don't like to feel that I'm waiting for you like a goddamn doll, Tom".

"Well, darling, I'm sorry if I'm not being enough, but that's how real world works", his voice is cold and he is avoiding looking into your eyes, his jaw clenched in a way that make it clear that he's not satisfied with the conversation's rumor. "I made it pretty clear when we first met that my job doesn't allow me to be here the entire time, so what the fuck do you expect me to do? Or do you think that this nice house and the maids, and all the fucking jewels I give you come for free? Tell me, y/n, what the hell you want from me?"

You watch his usually soft features whenever you were around turning into the one he used with his men. The veins in his neck visible, his pupils huge and thin lips trembling with anger. Tom has never spoken to you that way, and you could feel the pressure on your chest with the pain from his harsh words.

A couple of tears rolled down your cheeks and you were quick to rub them away with the back of your hand. Noticing the way you pressed your lips together lightly, Tom's face softened and he realized his posture and tone.

"I don't- I don't know, Tom", you say in a low, croaky voice. "Think I just wanted us to be a couple. I'm truly sorry if that's too much to ask you for".

His heart pained at your words and he took a few steps in your direction. "Darling, no, that's not what I-"

You stopped him, putting your arm in front of you and shaking your head. "No, that's exactly what you wanted to say. I don't know what I had in mind when we started dating, nor what I was thinking when I agreed to move in here, but I don't want to be between you and your job anymore".

He stared at you, unaware of what you were about to do, thinking about what to say. He didn't want to fight with you like that, but didn't want you to think that what you've said is true neither.

You walked past him and straight to the closet again, picking up your suitcase and grabbing a few clothes from the wardrobe. Tom watched you for a few seconds, startled, and then started to panic.

"What are you doing?"

You ignored him, trying to think what you'd possibly need to get to stay out tonight. You could get the rest of your things later, but right now you just wanted to get out of that house.

"Y/n, love, what are you doing?" He asked in desperation, reaching your arm and trying to pull you away from the wardrobe, but you just shrugged his touch off.

"What does it look like? I'm leaving, Tom! If you can't conciliate our relationship with your job, then I guess I have nothing to do here anymore". You say through gritted teeth.

"What?!" He breathed out. "Darling, you can't leave like-"

"Don't you fucking call me darling!"

Tom stops and stares at you, blinking. His mouth is agape, trying to get his thoughts together. You didn't stop packing, and when he saw the determination in your actions, he simply couldn't contain the anger growing on his chest.

"Know what? Go. Leave me! Get the fuck out of this house. I don't fucking care!" He yelled, and you jumped slightly at the sound of his guttural voice.

You wiped some of new tears and nodded once, not minding to get anything else as you closed your suitcase and walked out of the room, hands shaking from the emotions you were so hardly trying to refrain.

But before you could step out of the room and go down on the stairs, you turn around to see he stagnant at the same spot. "Fuck you, Tom. You can take all this damn jewelry. Take this, the clothes, and everything else you bought me. If I can't have you, these don't mean a single thing to me. I'm not a fucking doll, Tom".

You left, and he couldn't move for minutes straight.

*********

The night passed by and Tom didn't hear from you. He checked his phone more times than he liked to admit, but you didn't answer any calls, any messages. Nothing. He didn't even realize what time he fell asleep on the couch, waiting for some sort of sign from you, but in the morning, when he rolled out of it, his heart pounded in his chest at the realization that you were nowhere to be seen.

He asked Harrison, his best mate and the second person you most chatted with in the house, if he has seen you, but he didn't have anything. So Tom waited, trying to focus on his work for the morning and the evening, as he thought that maybe you just wanted some time to think clearer. He regretted saying those things to you already, knowing that none of that was true. Obviously he did care if you were there in the morning. He wanted to wake up with you by his side like every other day. It was all that mattered for him after all. Not the money, not the jewel, not the house. It all didn't make sense when you weren't there.

And he felt so sick thinking that you truly believed he was seeing you as a prize, as a doll that would stand beautifully waiting for him at the end of the day. He knew he should have persisted and said that you weren't right, that he loved you so much that he could take a bullet for you, right on his chest. He'd do anything for you, but didn't seem to know how to put that in words when it comes to a fight.

"Fuck!" He shouted when alone in his office, hands collapsing on the desk. It was past seven at night and he hadn't heard from you. A whole fucking day. He asked Harrison to send the men to look for you. He wouldn't force you coming back home, but he needed to be sure you were alright.

All the bad thoughts he could have were now successfully running through his mind and driving him nuts. He thought that maybe some rival mobster could have laid eyes on you, all by yourself, and tried to do something. You could be in serious danger right now, and Tom wouldn't forgive himself if that was the case.

He took a drink. He needed to clear his mind as time was passing by and his men didn't have any information about you. Your phone would be filled with unanswered calls from him, even voicemail telling you he was sorry and would do anything if you only called him back to say you were doing fine.

"Please, love, if you're listening to it... fuck, I'm so fucking sorry. I never intended to hurt you. I'm a dumbass, and you don't have to forgive me, but, please, just let me know you're fine and I'll give you your time. Just- please. I need to hear from you, y/n", he recorded, a drink on his hand and the other holding his phone firmly.

When it was 9pm, he decided he was going out to look for you himself. He just couldn't sit there waiting for a call or for his men do to something - he needed to take that pressure of his chest and no one was helping.

He took his gun, called Harrison and a few more man before heading to the living room.

"Alright, we have a few more places left" Tom started his instructions, while shoving his gun at the back of his trousers. "Harrison and I are going to her family's house. You two check in her old friend's place. Doesn't matter how far it is, I don't want you two to come back until you've looked through that fucking town-"

"Tom", Harrison cut him off, coughing a bit to get his attention. He was about to snap at him, when he followed his gaze.

And there you were, standing at the door frame in the living room, a confused expression on your face as you tried to understand what was going on in the middle of the room. Usually, Tom never had meetings in any other area than the conference room.

"What's going on?", you asked bluntly, and Tom releases a deep and relieved breath, so audible that you couldn't not take notice of.

"God, you're here", he breathed out, walking towards you in large steps. You were still mad, but also so confused with his reaction that you couldn't stop him from holding you tightly in his arms. "Fuck, darling, where were you?".

Besides his words being a bit harsh, his voice was soft and caring, worried if anything. He didn't let go of you first, kissing the top of your head for a long minute.

Harrison smiled a little seeing the both of you and dismissed the men out of the room, leaving the two of you alone.

"Sorry, you don't need to explain", Tom shook his head and pulled away to look at you. His eyes were bloodshot and tired, a dark circle around it. He brushed your cheeks with the pad of his thumb and furrowed. "Are you okay, though?"

"Yeah, I am- but what was going on?", you insisted.

Tom cupped your face on his hands, still not believing that you were there again. "I was so fucking worried. I thought that something was off, you didn't answer any of my messages or calls... I was heading to a drive with my men to look for you".

You blink a few times, startled that Tom was so concerned all this time.

"I was in a hotel room, actually", you chew in your lower lip, kind of ashamed that you put him through such a concern. "Needed to be alone for a time, so I turned my phone off".

Tom pressed his forehead against yours. "It doesn't matter anymore, darling. It was all my fault", his voice was croaky and you felt your heart pounding inside your chest. "I should never have said those things to you-"

"It's alright, Tom-"

"No, it's not", he shook his head. "Cause it was all lies. I do fucking care if you leave me. I wouldn't stand being away from you, my love. You're everything, everything. And you're right, I don't spend much time with you, and it eats me alive, cause that's what makes me happy, being around you. All I ever wanted was to make you happy, sweetheart. I'm so fucking sorry if I haven't shown you how much you mean to me..."

"Shhh, Tom", you closed your eyes, hugging him by the neck and bringing him closer. "It's okay, I know it. I wasn't thinking straight too, I know you don't treat me like that. I was just too pissed, and yeah, I'd like to spend more time together, but it's alright that you don't-"

He cut you by a sweet kiss pressed on your lips, "Nothing is more important for me than you. I was too mad with that thing in the restaurant to say it right away, but I'll try harder. I'm gonna be here with you, no matter what. Work can wait".

You sigh and pull him closer, breathing his comforting scent.

"My lovely girl", Tom sighs and smile a bit. "You scared the hell out of me".

"You deserved it, idiot" you said and he laughed quietly.

"I love you, darling", he stroked your back, hiding his face in the crock of your neck. "Always".

"Love you too, Tommy".

You spent the rest of the night together, having a nice and cozy dinner at home. Tom never smiled wider than that night, and the following others were fulfilled with his promise - there was always time in your day to spend alone with your boyfriend.

*******

Taglist:

@dreamy-clousds

@pinkrockstar19

@onyourgoddamnleft

@spideyspeaches

@miraclesoflove

@hollands-taste

@zspideyy

#tom holland #tom holland blurbs #tom holland imagines #tom holland fic #mob!tom #mob!tom x reader #Tom angst #tom x reader #request #anon

[multimilfs]

Miranda Priestly x Fem!Reader: A Little Nudge

Summary: Anon requested “Could I request a slightly angsty Miranda Priestly X Reader? Maybe the reader is in the hospital (it's up to you why they're there) and they're panicking because they think they're gonna get fired. Miranda can replace them within the hour, after all.Miranda shows up to the hospital after hearing what happened and reassures Reader that they're fine. She confesses to the Reader because she was so scared something horrible had happened to them and she was gonna lose them. (sorry im just in a sad mood and im weak for hospital scenes)”

A/N: It’s been ages since I’ve written for TDWP so be kind to me, please! I really hope you like it!

Tag List: @ghostsunderstoodmysoul​ @multifandomfix​

Warning(s): None

“Why is nobody ready?”

Miranda drawled from behind her desk, glancing at her watch with annoyance. Everyone near her held their breath; nobody having the guts to tell her that it was because you weren’t back yet. 

You were supposed to be back with the accessories from D&G ten minutes ago.

Jocelyn and the run-through team exchanged terrified glances. Someone was going to lose their job today. And knowing Miranda, it was going to be one of them.

They had been relying on the accessories to complete the outfits they’d prepared. An abysmal thing to do, but you’d promised that you would be back early. Now you were nowhere to be found.

Miranda was conveniently unaware of your absence. She was under the impression you weren’t supposed to be back for some time, thanks to a few carefully worded statements from Nigel. If she got wind that you’d gone awol, it’d be hell on earth for everyone in the Runway offices.

Standing beside Miranda’s desk, Nigel saw Serena approach the office. The model stopped when Nigel shook his head. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Talk to Emily.” He mouthed silently.

She did just that, turning elegantly on her heel to see the Brit dialing numbers frantically. Poor Emily hadn’t even noticed that Serena was there.

“Why is Nigel telling me to talk to you?” Serena asked softly.

Emily startled slightly, before looking relieved to have some type of help. She put the phone down on the hook quickly.

“Y/N has vanished,” Emily whispered, “I can’t get her to answer her bloody cell phone and she was supposed to be here ages ago!”

“What do you mean she vanished? She doesn’t vanish.” Serena asked.

“You’re telling me. Jocelyn needed the accessories from the winter collection for the run-through and she promised to have them here. Miranda is two minutes from firing them all if we don’t come up with an excuse.”

Emily let her head fall into her hands, repeating her low mantra that she loved her job. Today was not going to be an easy one, it seemed.

A moment before Serena could suggest anything, Miranda’s cold voice echoed from her office.

“So what I’m hearing is that you failed to prepare? After I gave you countless days to finish a simple task.” Miranda asked.

Everyone winced at the chill in her voice. La Priestly wasn’t known for being warm, but this felt like frost-bite.

“We’re just missing the accessories for a few of the outfits.” Jocelyn offered.

Miranda’s hard gaze settled on the girl, making her regret speaking. Drawing attention to herself was the last thing she should have done.

“‘Just’ the accessories,” The editor said dryly, “If you were to go skydiving, I’m sure you’d be fine without a parachute then?”

Jocelyn shook her head quickly. The only way out of this would be for a miracle to strike. She was mentally kissing her job goodbye.

Then Emily’s cell phone rang.

Scrambling for the device, she could have jumped for joy to see your name on the caller ID. She was furious, mind you, but glad to see you were okay.

“Where the bloody hell are you?” Emily hissed in lieu of a greeting.

“Em, I can explain-“

“I’m sure you can, but it better be good or I’m throwing you La Priestly.”

“I’m in the hospital.” You said.

Emily inhaled sharply. She didn’t miss the way your voice cracked over those few words. It may mean more work for her, but an injury like that could cost you your job.

“What did you get yourself into?” Emily asked.

“The heat today exascerbated something and I collapsed, the doctors are running tests now.” You explained softly, lacking the energy you normally had.

Serena watched worriedly as Emily put her forehead down on the desk, letting out a defeated sigh. This felt like the icing on the cake of an already terrible day. She had no idea how to break it to Miranda. The woman was practically reliant on you and your abilities.

“Em?” You whispered over the line brokenly, “Tell Miranda I can have my desk cleared once I’m d-discharged, okay? I understand-“

“No. You-You don’t get to abandon me so close to Paris. I’ll find a way to fix this…”

“It’s okay. I understand what it takes to be one of Miranda’s girls. Collapsing on the job isn’t part of the description.”

“She can make an exception.” Emily snapped.

You sighed on the other end. It broke your heart that you’d probably lose everything now, but you understood that Miranda was far too busy to accept an injured assistant. Even if you did hope that she cared enough to keep you on.

“Do what you can, okay? Just don’t get yourself sacked. I’m at Presbeterian, room 311.”

There were a few more words exchanged before Emily hung up the phone, looking hard at Serena, who stared back with concern.

“Y/N is in the hospital.” She said quietly.

Serena stood with a look of shock on her face. What could have happened to put you in the hospital?

“How are you going to tell Miranda?” She asked instead.

“Beats me, but someone has to.” Emily laughed bitterly.

She stood and walked to the doorway of Miranda’s office, where the woman was regaling Nigel with the incompetence of her staff, who were standing in the room. Nigel noticed Emily and raised an eyebrow in question, to which she shook her head. His face seemed to pale.

Unsure of what to do or say, Emily remained standing in the doorway. She kept her hands clasped in front of her to keep from ringing them.

“Is there a reason for your hovering, Emily?” Miranda asked, her icy gaze resting on her poor assistant.

“Um, well.” She tried, but nothing came out. She froze.

“Do take your time. None of us have jobs to do.”

The editor rolled her eyes, a devious smirk resting on her face. She drew a sort of horrible glee from seeing her employees squirm.

“Y/N is in the hospital.” Serena said.

Any movement in the room stopped immediately. The run-through team held their breath, looking to Miranda.

Upon hearing the words, Miranda felt her heart drop into her stomach. Her hands gripped the edge of her desk hard. Besides something happening to her daughters, something happening to you had become her worst nightmare.

“Excuse me?” She asked, tone just above a whisper.

“She’s conscious, she called to let me know herself where she was,” Emily rushed out, before anyone could make the situation worse, “Something occurred that caused her to collapse, but-“

“I’ve heard enough.”

Miranda was out of her seat the second Emily mentioned that you were awake. That you weren’t gravely injured or in a coma. Her fear eased slightly, but it wouldn’t vanish until she saw you. She was barreling through the office without a care for what was on her agenda.

“Cancel any meetings for the rest of the day and get Roy here immediately. I want access to her room upon my arrival; I don’t care what favors you have to promise or whose egos you have to stroke, get me into that room.”

She snatched her coat and purse from Serena’s hands, rattling off the demands without slowing her pace. Then she was ensconced in the elevator while everyone looked at one another in shock.

“Do you think she’s going to fire her?” Emily asked Nigel, who laughed.

“I think that is the last thing she plans on doing. Now I’d get on the phone with Roy…”

Eyes widening, Emily let out a yelp, rushing towards her desk. Nigel just shook his head; of course Miranda would hold out on her feelings until you fell injured. She apparently just needed that final nudge. 

———

In your hospital room, you were trying valiantly to hold back tears. Your head was leant back against the pillows, eyes closed. All you could see was Miranda’s face in your mind.

You weren’t sure what happened; one second you were walking down 35th, the next a paramedic was standing over you hounding you for information. If you hadn’t been in an ambulance racing through traffic, you would have demanded they let you out. You had a job to do.

Now, you couldn’t. You had let down the editorial team and Miranda by proxy. It hurt you in a million different ways, but you accepted that you were out of a job. That you would no longer spend the days around the woman you secretly loved.

It sent a pang of pain through your chest. You squeezed your eyes shut against it. Remaining strong, even now, was important to you. It wouldn’t do to let your resolve crumble.

Absentmindedly, you heard someone walk into your room. You let out a loud sigh.

“Look, doc, I told you I’m fine. My head may be throbbing, but I’m not going to die on you. Though I may if I don’t get something other than hospital food.” You laughed.

“I’m sure that can be arranged.”

You snapped your eyes open at the voice that was clearly not your doctor’s. Standing there, looking divine as ever, was Miranda Priestly. The woman you were hopelessly in love with.

“Miranda?”

“No, Donald Trump.” She deadpanned, a smirk pulling at her mouth.

Did Miranda Priestly just make a joke? Your mind asked, though you couldn’t stop the grin that spread on your face. She looked pleased at your reaction.

“You didn’t have to come all this way, you know,” You said softly, reality creeping back in, “I told Emily that I could have my desk cleared as soon as they discharged me.”

“I beg your pardon?” Miranda said, feeling as if the breath had been stolen from her lungs.

“I know how busy your schedule is- Hell, I arranged it. You didn’t have to come all the way here to let me go.”

“Is that why you think I’m here? To fire you?”

“...Isn’t it?”

Miranda let out a hollow sounding laugh, pinching the bridge of her nose. You watched her with thinly veiled confusion. Then she walked to your bedside, hesitantly placing her hand on top of yours. Your heart stopped.

“Silly girl,” Miranda said softly, “Do you think I would come here for something as menial as that? Do you think I’d race here, heart pounding with fear, to fire you?”

You felt like you were in a dream. Given that you were in a hospital, it didn’t seem too outlandish that you were imagining it. But when Miranda leant in and placed a soft kiss on your lips, you knew this was reality. This was no mere dream.

She made to pull away from you, offended at your lack of response, but you wouldn’t let her. Grabbing the lapels of her blazer, you dragged her lips back to yours for a long kiss.

When you finally separated, you felt like you were riding a cloud. This was never what you expected to happen. It was wilder than your wildest dreams.

“So… I take it I’m not fired?” You asked with a cheeky smile.

And so overcome with happiness, Miranda let her normal mask drop, throwing her head back and letting out a joyful laugh.

#miranda priestly #miranda priestly x reader #tdwp #the devil wears prada #miranda priestly imagine #tdwp imagine #tdwp x reader #the devil wears prada imagine #wlw #wlw imagine #jan2021 #multimilfswritings

[glowingspence]

hotchreid-90 or 32, or just, anything hotchreid , not established relationship preferred 💜💜

"Hey" Shyly Reid looks at the man standing in front of his door, late in the evening. "What are you doing here?"

"I just- you seemed off today- do you mind if I-" Without waiting for permission Hotch steps into the apartment, pressing himself through the small crack Reid had opened the door to before looking at him properly.

Spencer had already changed out of his suit and into more comfortable clothes, the thick soft socks reaches partly over the end of his sweatpants, the stained hoodie he almost always wears at home covers his hands.

"I am worried" Hotch admits, "We have been- we started spending so much time and we went on those dates and I am worried I overstepped because now you are shielding yourself away. Not only from me. I got Morgan on speed dial- I am- if I made you uncomfortable- he will come over and you can talk to him- or me- it's just- I am- I am really sorry" He brings out pressing his lips together as he looks at Reid who takes a moment and then frowns at him.

"You didn't do anything wrong" Hesitantly he backs away even further from Hotch, "I thought we are- you know- doing pretty good."

"I thought so too but ever since three weeks ago, you have been quiet and when I try to ask you out, you are reclining everything I suggest and that's okay. We don't have to go out. But at least drinking a coffee together would be nice, you know." He explains, "I miss you"

Spencer seems to think about it for a moment, picking at the dry skin around elbows underneath the loose sweater as he does before his facial expressions slightly changed, like it does when Hotch watches him cracking a code on cases and he encrypted a little piece of it. "What is it?"

"Nothing. We can go out, it's not you." He assures him, looking down to the floor. "We can grab coffee tomorrow after work."

"If you don't feel up to it we don't have to."

"I do. I do. Everything is okay" Spencer insists and starts rocking back and forth on his feet.

"Did something happen three weeks ago?"

"No" Spencer quickly answers, a bit to forcefully to make it sound true. "No, nothing happened."

"Why don't we sit down?" Comforting Hotch tries placing a hand on Spencer but he flinches away, "I am sorry. Can we sit down? Is that okay?"

While he has his lips pressed together Spencer nods and walks first towards the couch, sitting down at the end. He crosses his arms in front of his stomach and presses them against his stomach before he leans forward far enough that it makes it comfortable to rock back and forth.

"Do you need anything?" Hotch questions worried. "Do you want your blanket?"

Spencer shakes his head but keeps on rocking back and forth.

"Did something happen with Jack? Did he say something?" Hotch asks trying to figure out what has him so upset but he shakes his head, "Did someone on the team say something about us? Did Morgan not like that we went out?"

He shakes his head again before taking one hand away from his middle and starts tapping his head with his palm in a steady rhythm before he speaks, "Morgan said he will kill you if you hurt me, Morgan likes you, Morgan likes to know I am safe. You can keep me safe. Morgan likes that."

"I am glad he does" Hotch answers and figures he is not the problem. "You can tell me anything"

"Not this thing" Spencer tells him and Hotch raises one eyebrow. "Not this thing. Not this thing."

"Why not?" He interrogates with a soft voice, "Spencer why can't you tell me?" He repeats when Spencer doesn't answer.

"It's a secret"

"It's a secret?"

"Not my secret." He explains and a tear rolls down his cheek, "It's a horrible secret."

"It is?" Hotch questions with sympathy in his voice and Spencer nods and sobs ones, holding himself again but signaling with his position that he doesn't want Hotch to touch him, "Is that why you have been so closed up? Does the secret do that?"

"It hurts."

"It hurts?" Hotch repeats waiting for Spencer to elaborate.

"Makes me feel sick and sorry." He tells him before adding, "It makes me feel really bad, like I did when Emily died. When my chest really hurt like someone is tying it but my stomach feels all empty"

"Do you mean grief? Are you grieving?"

"I don't know." Spencer sobs again, new tears running down his face as his body shakes, "It feels like when Emily died."

"Maybe it's grief we don't need to identify that right now, it's okay." Hotch tries to keep Spencer's frustration low. "Can you tell me who told you that secret?"

"No"

"Okay, that's okay." Hesitant Hotch scoops closer, "Come here" After a moment of hesitation Hotch scoops into the corner of the couch and Spencer follows him, climbing into his lap and curling himself up in a way that can hide his face against Hotch's neck as he cries. His hand gripping his shirt, as muffled sobs fill the apartment. "Okay, okay you are okay."

He waits for him to calm down until only sniffles fill the room, Spencer still leaning against him but being more spread out over the couch as he plays with Hotch's fingers.

"We are gonna try something, okay baby?" The nickname falls so naturally from his tongue, both men don't notice, "Why don't you tell me the secret. But you tell me with the TV-show we watched all day at my apartment? You remember the one Jack wanted to watch?"

"The one with the friend group?"

"Yeah that one"

"I am no allowed to tell you."

"If it makes you this upset you can tell me. It's okay. Nothing is gonna happen to you." Protectively Hotch places a hand on Spencer's cheek, making him feel shield away from the world around him.

"I am Jess." Spencer starts, "And the person who told me that secret is Cece."

"Cece who is together with Schmidt? With the little daughter?"

"Yes"

"Alright, I can follow." He assures him.

"And Cece had been sad and hurting. Like something really terrible happened. So Jess waited for her in front of the bathroom for a really long time. Because Cece also had a injury on her hand, like she had been punching something, but there is no one she should be fighting with." He stops and presses himself closer against Hotch, "So Jess waited and when Cece finally came out, she asked if they could talk and Cece eventually agreed and they went into an empty room and Jess asked what is going on. But Cece wouldn't tell her and told her- and told her that she should stop being so worried and stop being so her." He presses himself against Hotch again while he rubs his feet over the couch.

"It's okay, it's okay, you are doing good." Hotch tries calming him and slowly he stops moving im his arms again, "go on when you are ready"

"Jess told her that she can't help it. You know, because Jess was really worried and Jess sometimes doesn't know where personal boundaries are. Jess just wants to help and people think she is being nosy."

"Well Nick loved that about her"

"Not important" Spencer states, "Cece told her that not even she could come up with the word for what she feels. Because Cece has PTSD because she was in a terrible accident."

"She was?"

"Mmm Jess knew that and so Jess kept pushing and didn't read the signs and then Cece told her that she was pregnant when the accident happened-" Again Spencer breaks into a sob and moves in Hotch's arms again,

"You are okay, it's okay, it's okay, you did so good by telling me." He assures him and grabs both of his arms slightly leaning down on him, "Keep talking, you are almost done. You did such a good job."

Spencer by now lays with his back on Hotch's thighs, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, as he tries hitting his hands together and Hotch realizes what he tries to do, let's go and let's him hit his knuckles together.

"What happened then? What did Jess do?"

"Jess had to keep the secret. Nobody knows."

"Does Schmidt know?"

"No, Cece was working abroad when she found out and when she lost the baby. Cece was all alone." He tells him and hits his knuckles together harder.

"How does Jess feel now?"

"Jess would have been godmother to a second child. Jess doesn't know what to feel because she never even met the child and didn't know about it but now feels like something is gone from her heart. Jess is sad."

"Did Jess ever talk to Cece again about it?"

"Jess found a way for Cece to say goodbye to the man who did this but she is worried she won't be able to heal." They stay quiet for a long moment, Spencer hitting his knuckles together, until Hotch holds his hand between Spencer's two fists who can't stop.

"I think JJ loves you so so much, and I think JJ is the strongest woman this earth has ever seen and I know this must be terrifying, to see her like this but she is going to survive it and she knows that she has you to lean on when times get hard and she has Henry and Will and I know that when she is home she has all the love and understanding around her she always wished for." Gently he moves his other hand up to Spencer's head, "And as in for you, it's okay to feel whatever you feel right now and I am so so proud of you for taking care of her. She maybe said those things but she probably felt a little bit crowded by you. You know that feeling too. You sometimes say those things too and then mean it. But in the end, I think she is gonna feel a lot better knowing someone knows. And knowing someone is watching out for her."

[Prompt list]

#tw child loss #tw ptsd #tw self harm #minor new girl spoilers #thank you for your request #i hope I understood your wish right #(if not let me know💖) #hotchreid #aaron hotchner #spencer reid #autistic spencer reid #jennifer jereau #i love you prompt list works #my writing

[fluffnflightillustrations]

i am probably going to delete this later, but i have nobody to vent to about this and Im starting to freak out a little bit.

So I’m disabled. Which sounds like a bunch of nonsense to people if they don’t believe in mental disabilities-- but I am diagnosed with three anxiety disorders and major depressive disorder and it affects me so terribly that i cannot work a job for more than 20 hours.

I hate saying it, or talking about it, since i feel so pathetic and worthless for it and years of therapy and medication has done very little to help me-- in fact, this is the best I have ever functioned in my entire life. I still can’t get myself to do most daily tasks without intense difficulty; for example, i know its gross, but its hard to even get myself to bathe daily or brush my damn teeth. It’s hard to get up out of bed most days and I don’t have any motivation to keep living. most days. But I have been trying so hard for so many years to find medication to help me fix this stuff

It’s very difficult to work more than 15 hours at my job without breaking down and having intense panic attacks and I cannot drive some days when the disorders are too intense.

It’s probably important that I note that I grew up in an incredibly abusive household; i was raised in filth and I got my ass handed to me by my dad quite often as a child. In my adolescence, I even attempted the unspeakable around 9 times with frustratingly low success. My grandmother was clinically insane and tried to murder myself and my sisters while we were sleeping many times, and she chased my younger sister with a knife at the ripe age of eight and its just a lot of bullshit to grow up with

anyways, i finally got out of that environment and im soooo much better now that I have moved out and do not have to speak with my family anymore, but I don’t know what to do since I cannot work more than 20 hours without wasting away. my psychiatrist has recommended applying for disability benefits but i just can’t see that being something I should do, since so many other people need it more than me

on the other hand, I can’t even afford groceries or food most days and we are living paycheck to paycheck, barely making it. so if anybody has advice, i could really, really use it.

#sensitive content #mental health problems #vent #dont read it you are sensitive #but i need to get this out and im terrified to confide in somebody #since i dont have someone to confide in privately #and i have some intense paranoia #idek #i will delete this later #i just really need to get this all out of my brain #or im going to implode and start crying again #flufftalk

[kendrixtermina]

Common Assumptions of the Types

Evidently these range from ‚kinda true from a certain angle‘, to ‚sadly very often true but would get you into trouble if you assumed it was always the case‘ all the way to ‚sounds instantly silly when you say it out loud but often feels true‘; In the following, I will just be presenting them without comment beyond that it may help to ask yourself ‚is this really true in this specifi situation‘ or ‚Am I maybe being led astray by one of these traps without realizing‘

1

- impulses are not to be trusted & must be controlled

- duty is more important than pleasure – pleasure must be earned, or, it’s suspect. In some individuals the function of pleasure can get rather inhibited

- goodness & correctness come from the outside / live in the outer world

- perfection is possible

- its your job to fix everything thats wrong

- everything is meant as criticism

- youre the worst of all people

2

- all is fair in love and war, that is, anything is ok if it’s done in the name of love

- feeling is more important than, or more reliable than thinking

- its necessary to „make“ people like you or they just won’t

- „they couldn’t do without me“ & because of this, you get special treatment

- you know what everyone needs

- its in your power to make everyone like you so if they dont you messed up

3

- nobody cares about your true feelings

- you shouldn’t have any problems

- you’re no good if you’re not productive

- everyone is faking it – it’s the only way to survive

- nothing happens without you – and if your coworkers do manage while your on vacatio, it must be cause your useless

4

- if you stop going over the past, move on or let it go that’s the same as giving up or acting like it didn’t matter

- there’s something noble about suffering

- you’re owed compensation for how the world has mistreated you

- you’re not as good as others

- there isnt anyone else like you

- there is always something wrong

5

- it’s better to go at it alone

- most professions of love are fake & self-interested

- less commitments means more freedom and hapiness

- better to need little to avoid dependencies

- better to keep what you have in case you need it later – you cant eat you cake and have it, too

- if you let em have an inch, they’ll take a mile and you’ll be left with nothing

- you should be able to solve everything by thinking about it

6

- people cant be trusted

- you cant ever let your guard down

- if I can think of everything that might go wrong, i will feel safe & in control

- whatever can go wrong willgo wrong

- your intuitions and wishes are suspect

- power or proximity to it means safety

- the authorities, be they loved or hated, have great power, reach and influence

7

- optimistic bias: im great, everyone is awesome, the world is a wonderful place

- except authority, authority sucks

- if you can explain something away or avoid thinking about it, it will go away

- you need to have a plan

- you can do whatever you can get away with

- you deserve, and absolutely need to get what you want

- the best way to succeed is through charm and negotiation

- if you let the pain catch up to you, it will never, ever end

8

- the world is a lawless jungle/ struggle for survival

- to survive, you must be fearless and take risks

- what people call virtue is usually just hypocricy

- strenght & autonomy are good, weakness and needyness will do you in

- what restricts you and denies you satisfaction is your enemy

- nobody can tell you what to do

- there’s not going to be any fairness unless you make it happen

- the truth is obvious

- It’s ok to cause suffering in the pursuit of satisfaction or as compensation for past slights and reestrictions

(which maybe sounds harsh, but think of it like this: You must eat other creatures to live. It’s impossible to never offend anyone. Will you starve or shut up forever? It’s not possible to never slight anyone, so you might as well have steak and say your opinion)

9

- better not to think or worry too much about stuff to avoid suffering

- when in doubt, it may be better to conform and not rock the boat

- disagreement brings separation, so, the less conflict the better

- you should defer to the needs of others

- its not ok to further your own interest

- you cant know what you want

- youre nor important and your goals are probably not worth bothering about

#enneagram #typology