#AT THE AGE OF FOURTY FUCKING FOUR

[hellonoblesky]

GOD I cant take Thrawn seriously like here's a guy who's a Sherlock Holmes genius level villain and also will do anything (ANYTHING) to achieve his goals even if it eventually pushes him into moral horror but also as part of his cover to get into the Imperial Navy HE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL AND GOT BULLIED

HES LIKE 44 IN THIS HES A WHOLE GROWN ASS MAN GETTING BULLIED BY HIGH SCHOOLERS???? I can't handle this anytmore

#turtledove yells into the abyss #thrawn #grand admiral thrawn #thrawn comics #Can't wait for him to be presented as the most evil conniving villian known to man in Ashoka #LIke that's not 1) a take on him that lacks proper contextualization of who he is as a character at the current point in canon #and 2) HE GOT BULLIED ?????????????????????? BY HIGH SCHOOLERS?????????? #AT THE AGE OF FOURTY FUCKING FOUR #He isn't SCARY he's FUNNY AS FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! #ANd also deserving of more than a few square solid punches. Perhaps a kick. A blaster bolt to the knee.

[lingeriae]

SORRY

synopsis - Being the wife of Toji Fushiguru was never easy. At first it was love, until there was arguements. Arguements that led to tears and Toji syorming out of the house, he would appologize, until he just stopped. You tried everything to fix the relationship for the sake of love, and little megumi, but everyone has their breaking point.

warnings - normal au, cursing, smutttt (minors pls dni!) oral f.recieving], degradation [m,recieving], manipulation, implied age gap, angst, tears, cheating, toxic!toji, mention of alcohol,baby megumi! toxic relationships

you can blame beyonce for this yall

The front door opens at exactly three fourty five in the morning, the floor boards creak as Toji moves throughtout your house with his audacity, stench of cheap perfume and alcohol. You continue staring out of space, a half empty wine bottle sits at your foot and black streaks of mascra are on your face from the crying you had been doing before. All that sadness turned into anger and regret, but you were mindful of Megumi sleeping in the next room turning up the tv and weeping into the chair arm, it had been a few hours after that. As you sit you think about the four years you wasted with him, how it only took two years for everything to go downhill.

Dragging the tips of your finger on the rim of you the glass you listen to how Toji's drag his foor as he walks throughtout the house, hissing as his foot bumps into the wall. He finally comes into the living room and it takes him a while to see you, when he does he lets out a groan rubbing at his temples as he knew an arguement was coming.

Pity he didn't know exactly what was about to happen.

"Where you been?" You ask, voice sounding sweet as if you hadn't been screaming into a pillow for atleast an hour. You don't meet his gaze, still playing with the rim of the glass awaiting for the lie you knew was about to come. "Work, do we always have to go over this Y/n?" he replied bitterly words slightly drawled out an slurred, making to obvious he been drinking, taking off his jacket and throwing it on the couch arm.

Smiling at his answer, you hummed bringing the glass up to your lips tasting the bitter yet sweet taste of the wine. "Okay." Toji looked at you, your responce making him feel a little worried. He noticed that you were crying because of the runny mascra marks under your eyes giving him an uneasy feeling in his stomach, his eyes driften towards the half empty wine bottle by your feet. That alone confirmed he was in deep shit, he quickly thought of ways he could possible get you to think your overreacting or that he wasn't doing anything shady, he moved towards you only for you to hold up your hand indicating for him to stop.

Finally meeting his eyes, you raised an eyebrow at him. You could see the panic on his face as you looked at him blankly, he slowly kneeled down not looking away from you adams apple bopping when he swallowed, you both stared at each other and he licked his lips ready to speak but stopped as you raised your hand at him again.

"Toji," your voice was raspy and held a dangerous lit to it, fingers tapping the wine glass a pretty smile on your full lips stained with the taste of the wine, eyes squinting at the corners and teeth on full display the grip you had on the glass tightening. "where the fuck, were you."

Flinching at the tone of your voice, a grimace took over Toji's expression. He could tell you already knew, that he was fucked. But a little gaslighting could make you think otherwise.

Toji licks his lip the scar on his lips stretching, along with his lips as he pulled it into a smirk reaching out to grab unto your feet with a 'cmon doll, don't be like this.' before he can touch you, lift your foot and push him back, your panties on full display for him as your foot rests against his chest and the sight causes him to groan. Taking a quick sip of your wine as you look down at him, your lacy night dress shifting and riding up your thighs as you lean back. The moonlight made you lokok Godlike in the dress, the runny mascra adding an extra effect, your plump lips are pulled down and the wine from early makes it look glossy,

"You're pathetic." you say in a honeyed tone, and it shouldn't turn Toji on but he feels warmth spreadin through his body at your words. Licking his lips Toji quickly nods in responce, "I am, doll, I-i agree."

"I should fucking kill you," He hums, bringing his lip to kiss the arch of your feet as he lifts it off his chest moving towards you. You quietly watch him aware of his intentions as he kisses your thighs trying to spread your thighs apart but you refuse to budge them, your hand moves to grab his face tilting it up so he can look at you. Your eyebrows are drawn and your pretty lips are set in a deep frown, your nails squeeze into Toji's cheeks and it causes him to hiss but he doesn't complain.

"You think you can come up in here and touch me with them same hands you touched that bitch with?"your hands are still pressed against Toji's cheeks as he shakes his head retracting his hands from where they laid on your thighs. Humming you release his cheeks, leaning back and slowly spreading your legs for him, watching his tongue come out to lick at his lips as he moves forward.

He licks at the centre of your panties, the motion causing you to shiver as you watch him through your lashes. He repeats the action before using his teeth to drag the material down, finally tasting your sweeet pussy moaning at the taste. It's been so long he thinks as he licks from your hole to your clit, smiling at the noise you make and the tug on his hair. Hot breath blows against your pussy, and he takes a deep inhale rubbing his nose against it before taking your clit into his mouth giving it a harsh suck that had a pleased hum leaving your lips, the heat of his tongue against your needy front had you wanting to pull him up in a kiss but you knew better.

Give Toshi Fushiguru a inch and he takes a fucking mile.

The wet muscle drags over your sensitive clit repeatedly, the rise and fall of your chest becomes unsteady as he pushes his tongue in and out of your hole and the grip you had on his hair tightens. With a tilt of your head you look down on him, taking in how much he was holding back, his hands clenched into fists on his thigh as he bucks his hip into his jean chasing the friction. You swore a whine came from him as you pushed his face into your pussy, his licking becoming frantic as he tried to restrain himself from touching you.

Toji wasn't good at a lot of things, but he was top-tier at eating pussy. Maybe that's why you stayed with him so long because everyone loved a good-pussy eater and the thought of anyone but you enjoying this leaves a bitter taste in your mouth but you had to be strong.

White dots appeared as you closed your eyes, nearing your release. You leaned your head back with a moan, your grip on Toji's head tightening his pink tongue continuing to lick up into you even after and your thighs begin to slightly shake because of how sensitive you were.

Pulling Toji away from your pussy by his hair, your lips twitching at the hiss he let out before his green eyes dragged from your pretty pussy to look up at you. It's funny, you thought. How such a big and strong man like him was bending at your every will, unable to touch you with nothing but his tongue, on his knees almost begging for forgiveness. The thought made you mentally giggle to yourself.

A little grin made its way to your face, your hand moved from it's position in his out-growned black strands on his head to his throat. Hands obviously not big enough to wrap around his entire throat, but it didn't matter. "You're so greedy." you say to him appyling a little pressure, feeling his throat vibrate with the groans he releases, the situation had him feeling dizzy. Out of all the freaky shit in his life time, this has got to be top ten.

"That bitch's pussy wasn't enough for you?" his lips part as the pressure on his neck increases, his hands coming up to your own but stoping at the look you gave him. "Doll, she doesn't compare to you, you know this." his voice is raspy and desperate, and his narrowed eyes are silently pleaing to you for forgiveness. Forgiveness he wasn't gon get.

After everything you did for him, he still begs for you to do more. Why should you forgive him? You gave him so many chances, only for him to brush you off and push you one side as if you meant nothing. He didn't even seem to care about Megumi anymore. You were over it, over this relationship and over Toji's bum-ass. You deserved better, and sadly Toji wasn't anything close to that.

"I know." you hum in reply to his statement, releasing his throat and getting up. Legs slightly feeling like jelly but you brushed it off, with the wine glass in your hands you look down at Toji, looking at the man you loved one more time. Cherishing the beauty of his face before your hate for him starts growing anymore than it already has. You bite your tongue to distract yourself from the stinging in your eyes.

Bending at the waist, you place a kiss on his cheek, linering for a bit as you wondered if you were overreacting and if your next actions would be necessary. His expression was filled with confusion, and wary watching you as you stood straight, a knot growing in his throat at the look in your eyes. A look filled with pure dispair, and...hate.

Your full lips pull up into a smile, the action giving you a crazed look beacuse o the mascra marks under your eye. "Good night Toji." the words are said softly, and they cause a shiver to go dwon Toji's spine. He knew the words didn't imply anything. That there was nothing 'good' about to happen, but he brushed it off anyways, like he always does, blaming your behaviour on the bottle of wine you had. You walked to your bedroom, the night gown you had on swaying with each step you took as if it was mocking the green eyed man.

Releasing a sigh, Toji's head tilts down to look at his laps, the boner he had being evident in the way the crotch of his jeans stood up. With another sigh, which sounded a bit aggitated now, he peeled himself off the floor and moved towards the bathroom.

Maybe if he wasn't a dumb fuck, he could've stopped what was about to happen. If he just communicated with you, instead of pushing you away things would've been better. As Toji dropped himself onn the couch he immediately falls asleep, he couldn't see you standing over him with that same wine glass in your hand only the difference is now it's broken, shattered to pieces from you dropping it on the floor. Broken like your heart, shattered from the carelessness of Toji fucking Fushiguru. The glass it gripped into your hand firmly, and the broken shards pierce into the palm of your hands, you tremble as you raise the glass tears running down your cheeks and a sob falling from your lips. This was it, you were going to kill your husband. You were going to kill Toji Fushiguru and all the love you had for him. This is it-

"Mama?" your frozen in place, the broken glass inches away from Toji's neck. A confused and sleepy four year old megumi looks at you, rubbing his eyes with a teddy clutched under his other arm. You almost break at the sight, your hands lowering as you stared at Megumi with wide eyes a hand covering your mouth as you drop the glass, moving over to him and wrapping your arms around him.

The boy is frightened, pulling back to look at you. Warmth meets your cheek, you look up to see Megumi holding your cheeks with puckered lips trying not to cry as he tries his best to comfort you. "Don't cry mama! You'll be okay please don't cry!" he babbles, pressing his chubby cheeks to yours and rubbing it against your tear stained skin. His words cause a gasp to fall from your lips and your arms tighten around him with your body shaking with emotion.

"Mama loves you, my sweet boy." You whisper, kissing his forehead as you rock the both of you back and fourth, your tears not stopping. "Mama wont ever let anything hurt you."

She wont let anyone hurt you.

When Toji enters the house at exactly two oclock in the morning, slightly stumbling on his feet as he enters the house. The drinks he had earlier begin to settle as he has to pause when the room begins to spin. He doesn't notice how quiet the house is, how there isn't any of Megumi's toys in the living room, he only pauses as he looks at the couch expecting you to be there with that worried look you always had on you face. But you're not, and he doesn't acknowledge that it makes him feel like shit. He assumes your in the room, sleeping with Megumi tucked in your side, a hand wrapped around his frame protectively.

Shaking his head, Toji moves towards the kitchen expecting to see pots on the stove. Instead he see's an envelope on the counter, and he hates how his stomach sinks as he stalks towards it. With each step he takes, he becomes anxious and as he opens the envelope with his name written in cursive for an extra touch, his mouth goes dry and he's suddenly sobber.

Toji,

How do you feel knowing that you finally broke me? Broke us. Broke out family. You probably feel good about it, good about the fact that you can finally fuck any bitch you want without any guilt, come home any time you want without my nagging. You killed me, Toji. You BROKE me.

So what're you gonna say at my funeral now that you finally did it? Finally broke my body, soul and heart. Finally killed me.

'Here lies the body of the one I called the love of my life, whose heart I broke, without a gun to my head.

Here lies the mother of my child, who I make no time for and emotionally neglect.

Rest in peace, my true love, who I took for granted, most bomb pussy, who beacuse of my actions and words, will forever bear a hole in her heart.

oh how I shame myself for neglecting her, using her, absuing her.

Her love would be a heaven without betrayal Ashes to ashes, dust to sidechicks.'

Don't come looking for me. We're better off without you. Take care of yourself.

-y/n

Toji started to panic, staring at the paper and reading it over and over as if the words would fade away before he started laughing, tugging at the roots of his hair and rushing towards megumi's room. All the toys and clothes were fone, the only thing being present is the bed along with the dresser and the glow in the dark stars you both had put on the ceiling for megumi. Next was your room, he tore everything down looking for any trace of you. When he notcied the place was completely void of you items, he sat on the floor in the middle of the room.

Toji Fushiguru had only ever cried a total of five times in his life. When he lost a tooth for the first time as a child, at megumi's birth, when his ex-wife died, when megumi slapped the fuck outta him with one of his toys, and on your wedding night.

As a tear ran down his face he stared at the grown blankly, self-hatred washing over him. He had the urge to scream and burn everything to the fucking grown. As he blinked slowly, he suddenly realizes he's on the floor bottles of liquor surrounding him his eyes on the ceiling and the weight of something heavy is in his hand, he lifts it up and realizes it's a phone.

A phone to call you, he thought clicking on your contact and waiting for it ring, hitching a breath at the sound of you picking up. Inhaling deeply he slurrs your name, hearing how silent you sound on the other end imagining how you would chew on your full brown lips in annoyance. "Baby...where are ya?" he asks, as if you would answer that.

He hears how you sigh deeply, and he frowns. "Who's phone is this Toji?" you ignored his question. You really fucking ignored his question. His eyebrows twitch at your question and his sitting up, almost falling back because of how quickly he did it.

"Don't ignore my fucking question." He snaps while he breathed heavily, gripping the device in his hand hard. He hears how quiet you get and immediately starts appologizing, running his hand through his hair as he sighs before chuckling. "Cmon, doll. Yknow im sorry. Please im sorry."

He continues babbling on about how he'll change, and how you should come back home. How he'll start taking care of you and Megumi, and he'll make it up to you and then starts back up about how sorry he is again. After he repeats it the fifth time you decided you've had enough. "Im not coming home, Toji. Goodbye."

Toji stand up fastly, as if that would stop everything ignoring how everything spins as he feels tears running down his face and a nervous laugh falls from his lips, the sound is so sad and pathetic you almost feel bad, shaking his head Toji begans to babble again. "No! no...I-i said I was fucking sorry what else do you want? You leave me after you tell me you love me, that's such a bitch move. And I honestly thought you were above that but guess I was wrong huh?" you hear him pause, inhaling deeply before it's silent for a minute, and then you hear sniffing that causes your eyes to almost bulge out of their sockets.

"Toji...are you crying?" a whine of your name is all you get in response before he starts up again.

"Y/n im sorry. please im sorry. come back, come back i-ill change if you do swear it on my fucking life baby-"

"You only want me now that im not there?" you say, your voice holding no emotion as Toji goes quiet. A laugh falls from your lips at the silence and you shake your head, "Better call that white bitch, see if she still there."

The sound of you hanging up has Toji staring at his phone screen, clicking your contact again only for it to tell him the number was no longer avalible

#writtenbyjae🧘🏾‍♀ #x black reader #toji fushiguro #jjk imagines #jjk x reader #jjk x black reader #jjk #jujustsu kaisen #jujustu kaisen x black reader #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu toji #toji x reader #jjk toji #toji smut #toji x you #toji x y/n #toji x black reader #toji x black y/n #jjk🌟 #jae.thirsts☆

[queensilber]

Supernatural: Witch‘s Canyon

Posting everything in this book that i think you need to know, lets go!

Summary:

Okay, so, the boys head to the Grand Canyon to solve a case of a fourty-year murder cycle. The spirits of variouse humans and animals alike attack the locals and they need to find out why and how to stop it.

It is set somewhere in Season two.

My opinion:

This was so much fun. Like, it was really like watching an episode, just a lot longer and with the magic ability to see into Sam and Deans (and a bunch of other characters) heads.

It also gave a little bit of a fanfiction vibe, just with the addidtion that everything is cannon and that all the random little facts and quotes are a real thing (i‘ll list those in a second)

And also there were flashbacks of their childhood??? That made me cry??? I hated john winchester before, but now even more so. (More about the flashbacks below too)

So yea, it was definetly worth it and i cant wait to read the others!!

Songs:

This is the music Sam and Dean listened to during the course of the book (some locals listened to music too, but i did not list those)

- „paranoid“ by Black Sabbath

- „turn the page“ by Bob Seger

- unspecified tape by Bad Company

Flashbacks:

There are two flashbacks to Sam and Dean‘s Childhood:

- the first one is Dean Remembering a time when John made him and Sam run through an obstacle course at age twelve and eight. Dean had to shoot a gun during it, Sam just had to point and yell „Bang!“.

In the process of that Sam got injured and cried and John yelled at him to keep going and that he was doing poorly. Dean comforted his brother and encouraged him, leading to sam actually making it. Sam did it and Dean cheered, but john kept yelling at them to keep going to the next obstacle.

- the second one was from when Dean was fourteen and Sam was ten. Their Dad gave them backbags and said what was in them could last them fir four days and they all went on a hike together.

In the middle of nowhere john then saud that they should not trust anyone on what they are told and left them alone, telling them that they should find their way (at very least two days of walk) back themsleves and they shouldnt have relied on him so much and he just… left.

When they checked their backbags they found that most in it was useless and they were also filled with rocks to make it seem like it was more than it was.

Thats so fucked up, like

Those are children. And the worst part, when Dean rememvers this he thinks of it almost positively because it taught him a valuable lesson. I cant even begin to describe how my heart hurt for them.

Random facts:

Here are some facts from the book, i do t know anymor if those are mentioned in the show too, but it hardly matters, i think:

- Sam outgrew Dean at the age of 16

- Dean felt gutity over Jessicas death and thought that it was a „more solid basis“ of guilt than Sam had on the matter

- Sam can differentiate between uniforms of different wars in history just by a look

- Dean hates Rats. A lot.

Quotes:

Some quotes from the book:

John Winchester hunted monsters, ghosts, demons — the creatures most people only believed in deep down in their 3:00 am hearts, abd that they laughted off when the sun was bright and their spirits high.

It was a habit Dean had picked up from Dad — reffering to what they did as a „job“. To Sam it was nore of a Mission, even a calling.

„Sammy really likes cops,“ Dean said. „If he didnt have any talents he might have become one“

Sometimes he thought Dean wouldnt mind dying if he could go out in a blaze of glory, as the saying went. In moments of fairness, Sam knew that wasnt true. Dean didnt care about the glory; he cared about making a difference.

„I‘m coming around to the point, Sam.“ „He‘s Dean,“ Sam corrected. „I‘m Sam“. „Sorry, For some reason, you just look more like a Dean to me“

Gilmore Girls reference?

„You tried to shoot my brother“ Dean said.

Sam belived in a highter power, Dean didnt. Sam didnt have any special knowledge that Dean lacked, handt seen or heard or met God.

Lol, not yet.

Dean had been a kid, hadnt ever had a chance to become anything other than what Dad had made of him. That, finally, was the gulf between them — the canyon that could never be bridged.

Dean was an amazing guy, Sam knew, with skills and abilities most people would never imagine, and smarts Dean himself wouldnt credit, even though he relied on them all the time. And yet, at times like this, he was so humble, so unassuming, that he seemed almost unaware of the importance if his iwn contributions. At other times, of course, that humility vanished. Knowing and accepting both Deans, he guessed, was what being brothers was all about. Maybe I wouldnt want to be Dean, he thought, but i‘m sure glad I have him araound.

STOP MAKING MY CRY WTH

So anyways, that book srue was an experiance and i cant wait for the next one! I‘ll post a review of that as well and will update that post with a link to it one i‘m done!

Xoxo! <3

#supernatural #dean winchester #dean #sam #sam winchester #spn #witchs canyon #book #book review #book recommendations #reading #supernatural fan #supernatural quotes #i öove them so much #sam and dean #winchester #john winchester is evil #long post #songs

[emerald-cloud23]

Yeah, the timeline is strange but the thing that confuses me most about it is Wu's age. During the first Serpentine war Wu looks young. And then hands of time says that shortly after that Krux and Acronix betrayed the elemental alliance. But that was apparently only fourty years ago- if Wu is like at least a thousand years old, why'd he only age so much in the last four decades?? Did time stop for him for like a few hundred years and prevented his body from aging or what the heck was going on???

Wait, no- I just realized that in a flashback at some point I remember seeing when Garmadon turns.. well, fully evil and falls into the underworld after trying to steal the golden weapons, Wu is still young. And I assume that that event was a rather recent one since Garmadon had been stuck in the Underworld all that time. So- he (Garmadon) must've been with Misako and at least expecting Lloyd, whether he was aware of it or not- ..so Wu aged multiple decades within, probably, not even a single decade??? Now I'm even more confused. "There's something I haven't told you." *Reveals backstory of a villain that has to do with him.* BRO HOW ABOUT YOU REVEAL HOW THE FUCK YOU AGED LIKE THAT?!

I should stop thinking about this, it'll just give me another headache and I frankly care more about figuring things for some au's out that this man's life. Tbh, I'm not sure if the ninja should even see him as a trustworthy person if he keeps so many secrets and only tells them about it when it's too late.

#ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago wu #wu ninjago #krux and acronix #ninjago acronix #ninjago krux #ninjago hands of time #ninjago s7 #ninjago time twins #ninjago thoughts #ninjago textpost #ive tried making sense of it for days now and i just cant #just how many secrets does this old man have? #something that prevents aging?? #is there some kind of fountain of youth? or a tea? immortali-tea??? #useless ramble

[puprlebrotato]

Ozpin is an ageless motherfluxxer: An rant essay

I have no idea how to start this but let's go-

So beyond most of the huntsmen/tress (why were'nt they just called hunters RT what the hell-) students, we have no Brothersdamn clue how old most characters in RWBY are.

Most peopole wouldn't care about that because they're sensible

If you couldn't tell, I am not most people

So one day, I decided to finally try mark out how old some characters are, using, of all people, "(Formerly Dr)unkle" Qrow Branwen

If we start at his first year at Beacon, he would (probaly) be 17, since that's the standard age most initiates are (ignoring the possblity of him being older or younger since he pulled a Blake and joined despite being a criminal so he probably didn't give a damn about the age reqiurement).

Flashforward to graduation, when he and STRQ finish their fourth year. Qrow should roughly 20 or 21 now.

From here on it's kinda iffy but, assuming Tai adn Raven have Yang right then, Qrow should, in Vol. 1, be 38.

For a refresher, out current math is 17 (First Year) + 4 (Academy Years) + 17 (Yang's life).

Now, what does this have to do wiht Ozpin looking nohting like his goddamn age?

Enter Peter. Fricking. Port.

According to the man himself, Port was a TA (teacher's assistant) during Qrow's first year. Now the math for this is even MORE iffy than the "Tai and Raven bang upon leaving beacon" math, but hear me out.

IF we work backwards, Port has his career of Huntsmaning beforeing being hired by Beacon, entering as a TA. Low balling at 4 years of experince, Port is likely 25 when Qrow is 17 (which also means Port is 8 years older than tai which makes the whole joking in his home thingy odd but also funny but whatever) [also the math of this is 4 years of exp + 4 years of beacon + 17 years leading to entering beacon]. Adding Qrow's four years and Yang's age, Port is 47 as of Vol. 1.

That's... okay. Personally he looks older to me, but this is just a 'low ball' estimate.

Now, with all of this figured out

What in the ever loving FUCK do I do with Ozpin.

This is VERY speculative, so take this with a micro-fucking-scopic amount of salt, BUT

Oz is (probably [notice I've been saying that a lot?]) headmaster when Port is a TA and Qrow's a first year. Now, one would assume Ozpin is WAY older than Port. HOWEVER, Ozpin is also said to be the youngest headmaster in Beacon's history, so who fucking knows how old his wizard of oz ass is. For clarity's sake, let's say he's Port's age. That's probably wrong, but let's just say so because why not.

If you're paying attetnion, that would mean in Vol. 1 Ozpin is 47. Fourty-fucking-seven.

Do me a favor and look up a picture of ozpin for me. Ignoring his hair, look at his face. Look at him.

there is no way in hell ozpin is forty fucking seven

I know people who are entering the prime of their life, hell I'm fsamily with people are well past the prime of life. THAT MAN IS NOT ENTERING HIS FIFTIES.

If that's fifty then Maria must be over a damn 100 I just- I dont- AGH-

[Please wait: having ragful technical dificulties]

Now, this could just be a design thing. I mean, come on. It's RWBY. It's an american anime, no one ever looks their freakin' age in anime.

Or, Ozpin and his aura and immortal magic BS have done what no skincare company in the world can do and has achieved Ryan Reynolds levels of not aging.

that is all, I needed to get this out of my head. If you're reading this as of posting, words of the immortal Samuel Jackson, "Go the Fuck to Sleep"

#I made this at 2 am instead of sleeping #I apologize if this is incomprehensible #rwby #ozpin #qrow branwen #I need a drink ironically and unironically #this timeline makes no goddamn sense #also this means if Cloqwork is true Qrow has a big age difference kink #have fun having that idea in your head fuck you have a wonderful day/night bye #I need a nap

[thatoneconfusedcitrus]

dave miller is genuinely such an interesting character but it's a shame everyone just. focuses on the part where they're obsessed with jack. and kill kids and like kebabs. you see, that's what it WANTS you to notice about themself. but they are so, so fucking much more

the sheer amount of manipulation and trauma dave has gone through— it was literally doomed from the start, being an orphan with weird attribute. no matter how hard they tried, it just kept digging itself further and further into a grave. a grave that never ended; six feet deep, twelve feet deep, twenty four, fourty eight, so on. and despite EVERYTHING? they still felt empty. they hinted to it in dsaf 2, and literally fucking outright admitted it in the evil route of dsaf 3.

now onto their relationship with henry, the pink bastard. ohhh boy you have no idea. dave was manipulated from a young age and tricked into trusting him, and then constantly abused. and they thought it was fine, and normal, because well. dave didnt have anything else to go off of! they thought this was fucking NORMAL AND OKAY. some part of them still felt like there was something deeply, deeply wrong with the sick and twisted way henry treated them and endlessly experimented on them with. henry literally is an irredeemable monster, he's done unforgivable shit, and used dave to his own advantage just to test out his theories

that concludes my rant i need to get ready for school oops

[asoiafzambi]

HOTD: doing math in the number range of 1-60

This seems to be very difficult for the audience and showmakers alike and makes my nerd-self go:

So let's talk about the fucked up show timeline/character ages.

For once we will take word of God (Ryan Condal) as basis, who has said that Aegon II is 23 and Aemond is 19 as of episode 1.10.

Yes, this does most definitely contradict lines said on the show (means it has been 25 years since 1.1 not less than twenty), but we'll go with this now, because it actually makes some fucking sense. So from those two given ages we can infer other character ages as follows:

Alicent was 15 when she was married to Viserys and had Aegon with 16 (a pregnancy lasts nine month in Westeros too afawk), so Alicent and Rhaenyra are 38/39 years old. That means Daemon should be 53/54 if he is 15/16 years older than Rhaenyra like in the books (which is debated).

So King Viserys who is at least eight years older than Daemon on the show (in the books it's only four) was around 62 when he died. Otto should be around this age too, maybe a bit younger.

Rhaenys is a bit older than Viserys in the books and I think it's almost same age on the show too. (Corlys is not 78 on the show, more likely also somewhere around 60.)

Crispy Cole was "around 20" at the tourney, says Condal, so should be 45 now (damn he looks good for that). My guess is Mysaria, Larys and the Lannister twins are around that age too.

Helaena is square in the middle of her brothers so 21. Her twins are probably around 5, same age as Rhaenyra's Aegon, (LilVizzy 3?), Joffrey is going on 7. We'll see what they do with the young kids in season 2, as there might be retcons.

Jace and Baela should be 17/18 and Rhaena 15/16 if she isn't Baela's twin on the show. This seems to be left open to interpretation.

Some guesses for season 2:

They seem to have swapped who is older with Alyn and Addam like they already did with Laenor and Laena from the books. Despite the older actor I don't think Alyn will be forty like some people fear, because of his former roles, but around Aegon's II age (would fit with him being made in the first Stepstone's campaign and fighting in the second), so early to mid twenties and Addam late teens.

Hugh is rumored to either be Prince Baelon's or King Viserys' bastard. He will be in his early fourties, so a bit older than Rhaenyra, which makes me think Viserys is more likely. For maximum trolling they should make Ulf (Drunken Ursurper Cunt of a King 2.0) Daemon's bastard.

Nettles is definitely going to be aged up. Probably also early to mid twenties (and if they make her Laenor's 'not-for-lack-of-trying' bastard, then the bastard collection would be complete and I'll laugh my ass off).

#hotd #hotd spoilers #hotd timeline #timeline #character ages #basic math #show changes #aegon ii targaryen #aemond targaryen

[vadersaber]

It’s so true Joel can barely handle stairs in episode four. What makes them think a nearly sixty year old man can have sex that many times? Yes he gunned down a entire hospital for Ellie but I’m sure he was like FUCK I NEED SLEEP WHEN WE HIT JACKSON AGAIN.

Also sixty is nearing your parents ages or maybe grandparents ages if your in your twenties y’all wanna have sex in stories with someone their age? SMH.

IKR?? And look, everyone writes/reads for their own pleasure, so if you enjoy this age gap reading or writing, great! No shade whatsoever.

For me personally it's not something I can imagine someone like Joel doing. Don't get me started on the dad's best friend!Joel x reader fics. Again, this is just my opinion and personal preference. This man, who had a teenage daughter and is a father figure to a teenager girl, is NOT gonna fuck with someone who's 20 or 20-ish. Everyone's allowed to their interpretation of characters and such, absolutely, but I think this is something we could (should?) all agree on.

AT BEST this man would date someone in their fourties. AT BEST. His relationship with Tess was amazing for this reason; they were around the same age.

I doubt he'd fuck someone a few years older than Ellie like 5 times a day, or his best friend's daughter. This man needs sleep and therapy.

#YEAH #answered #joel miller

[newpersonteeth11]

Daniel Harvey/God Apollo

You (Robert Conway - 66m) were a four-star General of the United States, and the Commandant of the Marine Corps. You worked at the Marine Headquarters, in Richmond Virginia.

That year, a new member of your security detail was added, Staff Sergeant Daniel Harvey (21m). He rose the ranks very quickly, as the average age for a Staff Sergeant was 33. Furthermore, he was personally added to your detail by Brigadier General Owen Jackson. What you didn't know was that Danny had made Owen Jackson, and two other junior officers into his personal servants with his godly muscles, and Alpha mind. When he walked, people got out of the way. Moreover, his paycheque was the highest of any Staff Sergeant, at $150,000, personally set by Owen Jackson. While other members of your detail were strictly loyal, ready to lay their lives down for you and the country, Danny wasn't. He didn't salute you, he didn't follow your orders without question, and he did what he wanted. You had had enough of him, and went to the private gym for your detail to dishonourably discharge him from not just your detail, but the marines as a whole.

When you saw him, there was a crowd around him all of them looking at him admiringly. When you arrived, nobody saluted you, too fixated on Danny's godly muscles. You were immediately in awe of his muscles, but you didn't say anything. When he noticed you, he just casually said, "Just a second Bob". (He was supposed to immediately stop, stand at attention, salute you, and wait for commands). You were going to correct him, but his powerful grunts put your mind into submission and you just stood waiting for him. After a few minutes, he finished his reps, with over fourty other soldiers clapping and calling him Apollo, the strongest and most handsome Greek God.

He then walked up to you, everyone got out of his way and apologised for being there, and then said, "What do you want, Bob?" You were in awe of his perfect muscles, and just said something about wanting to check in with his detail. "Don't bother me next time, Can't you tell I'm busy?" he said, intimidatingly. "Oh, im so sorry Daniel" you said, embarrassed. He just rolled his eyes in response, and went back to lifting, and after he sat down, he noticed you were leaving, he just said, "Sit, I want to talk to you later." You didn't know why, but whenever you looked at him your self-confidence, dignity, and pride all vanished, you obeyed and sat, waiting. After fifteen minutes, you tried to turn on your phone, but Danny told you to stop and sit in silence.

After an hour, he finished his exercise and got into his uniform. "Bobby, I forgot you were there." he said. "Um, You said you wanted to talk to me about something" you replied, wearily. "Right, sorry I was a bit busy with more important things.

What I was going to say was, Don't ever, ever bother me with something unimportant." You replied, "Of course, Daniel" and continued sitting. "Oh, you can go now" he then said, carelessly and you left the seat, knowing you missing two important meetings. That night, at 1:00 am your phone rang. It was the emergency line that only generals had the number to. You immediately woke up, and answered the phone saying, "This is General Conway, what is the situation?" You were expecting to hear about casualties, or some other major situation. Instead you were surprised with, "Yo, Bobby, get your bitch ass to the gym, right now with some beer." "Daniel?" you replied in confusion. "Of fucking course, dumbass, Gym, Beer Now, Bitch." He replied, firmly, then the line went silent. You knew that alcohol was strictly prohibited to all officers below the rank of Colonel. You immediately got dressed, got a six pack of Dos Equis, and drove like a mad-man to get to the Gym, on the other side of the complex. Fifteen minutes later, you arrived and entered the gym with the beer.

When you arrived, you saw him in all of his glory, shirtless and menacing. When he saw you, he began ranting loudly, "When I said, get to the Gym now, what did you think that meant?" Before you could respond, he contiuned, "Looky here, I mean, I knew faggots were dumbasses, but fuck you're just retarded. You began, "Well, um, it isn't possible to get from my house to the gym in less than fifteen minute-"

You were cut off by his yelling, "Bitch, don't speak 'till spoken to. Fuckin' retard" His voice was so loud, that the ground shook and you could hear chains rattling. "Now," he roared

Stand at attention, fag." he continued, leaning forward revealing his godly body and his intoxicating pit musk, which quickly filled up the massive gym. You didn't know why, but you automatically immediately stood-up straight at attention, saluting. "Good maggot" Then, a guard entered the gym, as he heard the yelling. He saw the situation, and stared confused. Danny yelled, "Salute, retard." The MP then immediately saluted, and stood at attention, waiting for commands. "Give me the beer, bitch" Danny ordered, and you marched (formally) to him to hand him a bottle. "Dos Equis!?" he screamed in frustration.

"Does it look like I drink this shit?" "Um, well I, uh-" you stammered. Danny took the glass bottle and broke it on your skull, showering you in beer and glass. You fell to the ground, while Danny stepped over you and walked up to the guard, who was shaking in fear. Get me a six-pack of Budweiser, now. he ordered, and the guard ran to get him the beer. Three minutes later, the guard returned with the six pack, and Danny took it from him, while the guard went back into attention. By then, you had gotten up, but you were bleeding on your skull. Danny then said, "You want some" in a mocking way. He then pointed at you and roared, "Knees. Now." You immediately got on your knees, while Danny chugged two beers.

Then, he took off his pants, and flexed while he emptied his alpha bladder into your mouth, saying, "Don't spill a drop, or you'll have to lick it up!"

After, he finished his reps and then ordered you to take him to your living space, a 3,000 sq. ft. house. And, for extra fun, he ordered you to do a "death march". You had to march with a thirty pound weight, which he lifted easily with his finger, and it was tied to your neck, if you dropped it, it would choke you out. As well, if you dropped it, slowed down, or fell, ten pounds would be added, and you would be punched. Finally, if you couldn't get to your house by the end of the night, Danny would, easily, beat you to death. You replied, "Sir yes sir" and carried it.

One mile in, you fell in the hallway, and as promised, Danny punched you in the gut, and added a ten-pound weight. Another half-a-mile in, Danny said you were going to slow, and punched you again, this time in the face, and put another twenty-pound weight on. You asked why it was twenty-pounds, instead of ten pounds. He then yelled, "Don't ever question me!" and punched you again. Finally, after much effort, you reached your home.

When you arrived, Danny knocked you out in one punch (only 15% of his power), and left your unconscious body on the floor. The next morning, he woke you up by throwing a clock at your head. When you woke up, you immediately stood at attention, saluting, saying, "Sir, General Conway At Attention" You had blood everywhere, due to the clock and glass bottle, as well as being punched three times, so Danny ordered you to, "Clean yourself up in ten minutes" After ten minutes, you were dressed to the nines and standing at attention. Then, Danny ordered you to call an emergency meeting of the entire complex, 2,500 soldiers, at the stage.

There, Danny was proclaimed the new Supreme Leader of the Marines. Then, Danny announced that his name was Danny no longer, but God Apollo, as many called him already, and he proclaimed himself the new God of The World. You were only allowed to refer to him as My Divine God, My Divine Liege, or My Superior God.

Then he took off his shirt, raised his hands, and ordered everyone to chant, "Hail God Apollo" His godly body immediately made almost everyone in the camp his new slave. After four minutes, he noticed some people still had free will.

He just smiled, and the ordered all guards to hunt down "The Infidels". One hour later, 142 "infidels" were bound up, and put in a pen.

Then, God Apollo entered the pen, and using just his fist, massacred every single non-believer. The gates to the camp were sealed, only openable with a code that God Apollo had, and a camp hierarchy was instituted.

There were four categories of men, excluding him, of course, as he was "a god amongst men". White strong men became the higher class of the new system, making up the newly created Holy Legion (which was the army, a secret branch, known as Apollo's Knights left in the night, kidnapped people, and executed any enemies of Apollo.) and Apollo's Holy Guard (which was the private guard of God Apollo.). They normally owned slaves, however even though they had slaves, they were still under The Divine God Apollo. Below them, were the weak White men, who became servants, and were allowed to own property, however they usually were not wealthy. Under them, were Coloured men (Non-white, but not black), they were slaves, and had no rights. They were either owned by a Superior White Man, or directly owned by The Divine God Apollo himself. The last class, was the Dissenters, who's jobs consisted of digging mass graves, including their own at times, being beaten (Superior White Men usually purchased Dissenters for cheap, and beat them to death for fun.), and even being tortured for entertainment, among other things. Women, in Apollo's Holy Empire, had no rights, and were only considered child bearers and raisers. They were fully owned by their fathers or husbands, and their husbands had the right to fuck them at any time they pleased. Furthermore, anyone considered "Inferior", including homosexuals, followers of religions that didn't include Our Divine God Apollo, and crippleds, along with anyone considered detrimental to the empire, would be exterminated either by execution by God Apollo, or his Knights, or by working. Furthermore, all urine from White men would be recaptured, and would become the only source of hydration for "Inferiors". Two months after Our Divine God Apollo rightfully completed his holy takeover of the empire, a revolution broke out, led by Dissenter Eli Hanigan (offically Dissenter-2304). Over three hundred people revolted, and attempted to escape and overthrow Our Superior God Apollo.

Our Divine God Apollo quickly subdued the revolution by killing over 272 of the rioters, by hand in just an hour.

The leader's dead body was dipped in Alpha Piss, and hung up at the gate of the camp, until the body decomposed two months later. You were made the personal slave of Our Superior God Apollo, serving him in everyway he required. From then, billions of dollars of the Marines budget was redirected to "Operational Expences" or Our Superior God Apollo, who got a diamond crown, a nine-foot, 18k gold statue of Our Superior God Apollo, and who also bought over 200 mansions, penthouses, and castles around the world. As well, a football league was set up, which

Our Superior God Apollo plays in, and, since nobody wanted to play against him, him and a group of White Men play against Inferiors that are killed if they refuse to play and if they lose, since Our Superior God Apollo could never lose, they always are killed. As well, Superior God Apollo occasionally left his holy empire to convert special targets.

[teenagemutantninjatrauma]

I think the reason you radio au keeps haunting the back of my brain is the outsider pov, social media fic(technically kinda), the turtles interacting with humans, bonding with humans, people loving and caring and worrying about the turtles like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

simce it's a pretty common perception in the fandom that the turtles start as teens in the series and end as adults do you have that with your fic too? What age range are the turtles? I'm curious if any listeners ever pick up on how young the turtles sound sometimes

Okay, first thing first: YES EXACTLY, I LOVE OUTSIDER POV STORIES (and social media fics as well).

Second, my plan is to start the fic somewhere around the second season (I don’t wanna tell you when but hey, I’m sure y’all can figure it out — when’s the prime time to start broadcasting about what goes on in New York?), and though I’m gonna probably be vague with the ages, they’re all around fifteen.

Note: I headcanon, outside of this AU, that they never really figured out for sure which one of them is oldest and Splinter more so based it on how fast they hit different developmental stages - Leo started walking on two legs consistently and with little trouble first, Raph and Donnie would always use each other for support, and Mikey always got dragged everywhere so he didn’t really need to walk much and learned last. So that’s a good enough reason to believe Leo might be the oldest, right? Splinter also started counting their age from the day he met them, soooo.. they’re all the same age to him lmao. Maybe they picked their birthdays from a calendar, when they expressed curiosity in birthdays. Splinter never celebrated his birthday before same as Halloweens, Christmases, all the other holidays — he’s a rat, and I feel like Yoshi nor the Ancient One were big on American holidays or holidays in general with their fairly humble way of life. Where would Splinter learn about any of this before having four sons in New York? (Shoutout also to the fic “Age Is Nothing But A Number” by ceraxxxx on AO3 for writing about the fucked up fact that like. Splinter’s a rat. What are the chances before the mutation he was more than like… two years old?)

(This is not all that important but it WILL come up in my fic at one point >:) y’all just get to hear the ramble now!)

Third, and this is where shit gets messy, so watch out: in my AU we are following two different groups — a group that already believes/knows that mutant turtles exist because they’ve seen them, and a group of radio listeners/fans. These are separate groups with different knowledge to share, and you gotta remember that the first group doesn’t know about the radio yet!

So, for the ninja turtle believers — the opinions are mixed. The turtles don’t *sound* all that young, with their respective voices they could be any age between fifteen and fourty honestly (this is something I’m blaming on the mutation being a result of alien fuckery — the mutagen was definitely meant to turn biological life forms into ones more intelligent, since they purposely used it on Leatherhead, but an alien’s not gonna know what you should sound like at a certain age! You’re an alien to them!) and so the opinions differ a lot. The turtles also don’t really give much information on this, since usually if they’re interacting with people, there’s more pressing matters to attend to — fires, falling buildings, sinking ships, bad guys making a mess… so it’s not like any of them ever went “hi I’m Michelangelo (15) he/they/she pansexual, my hobbies include superheroes and kicking ass, turtlephobes dni” y’know? They don’t usually have time to give you much information because if you’re seeing ninja turtles you are in current massive danger!

There’s also people who believe that these monsters are not actually mortal! Plenty of religions find some sort of long age symbolism in turtles and plenty more have turtle spirits or deities, so what if these are less pets flushed into sewers and more guardian angels of some sort?

But. There’s people who have spotted them in comics stores. There’s people who have heard them tease each other and make immature jokes and get hung up on who the eldest is, and it’s all very reminiscent of children when put together, right?

They never have any real proof (unless someone just manages to find them and ask, I guess) but the Sightings Group cares for the turtles regardless of their age anyways.

On the other side, OH, the listeners of the radio definitely pick up on it - at the start, when he’s just broadcasting for funsies, Mikey doesn’t really guard himself as much as he probably should, and occasionally the turtles do mention living with their dad or bicker about their ages. And, when they start interacting with their fans, they do eventually have to be like “um hey guysss haha we’re like. Underage so could you pls be normal about this thank youuu” and boy oh boy am I writing something very much resembling fandom behavior following after that because people are nor always normal about this stuff <3

If or when these two groups do interact, though, you bet your shells that they’re gonna be a little fucked up about it together :D

#OHO! AN ASK! #tmnt 2k3 #revolution radio au #chatter

[nicoleheichou]

Meant To Be - Soulmate AU: Draken x fem!reader Masterlist

[Completed]

Summary: You become the assistant to one of, if not, the most successful businessmen in all of Tokyo and while working for him you meet his 2nd in command. How will things unfold when one is a hopeless romantic and believes in the idea of a soulmate while the other doesn't care for it and has already made up their mind not to give their soulmate a chance?

☆ warning: aged up characters, manga spoilers, fluff, angst, alcohol use, mentions of cheating, and I'll add more as we go.

☆ updates: every other day around 6-6:30 pm MST.

☆ disclaimer: i don't own any of the characters mentioned. pictures are just for the story, they aren't how y/n looks! she looks however you want her to.

Intros:

• Y/n squad | Draken squad

Chapters:

• Chapter One: Make Me Sound Bad

• Chapter Two: Humor Us

• Chapter Three: One To Talk

• Chapter Four: Itadakimasu

• Chapter Five: Are You Okay?

• Chapter Six: Theory Has Been Confirmed

• Chapter Seven: Taking You Home

• Chapter Eight: Give Me A Warning

• Chapter Nine: Shouldn't Have Said That

• Chapter Ten: Y/n Is The Main Character

• Chapter Eleven: Not Typical Draken Behavior

• Chapter Twelve: A Good Time

• Chapter Thirteen: Simp Sauce

• Chapter Fourteen: I'll Be Your Soulmate

• Chapter Fifteen: Ruined It For Us

• Chapter Sixteen: Cashed In My Favor

• Chapter Seventeen: Y'all Hiring?

• Chapter Eighteen: Looking Respectfully

• Chapter Nineteen: Be Here All Weekend

• Chapter Twenty: Whoa Mama

• Chapter Twenty One: Have That Thing

• Chapter Twenty Two: Stop What You're Doing

• Chapter Twenty Three: Oh. Oh. Wow.

• Chapter Twenty Four: Did You See It?

• Chapter Twenty Five: Detective Senses Are Tingling

• Chapter Twenty Six: Sickening

• Chapter Twenty Seven: Interesting

• Chapter Twenty Eight: She's Really Upset

• Chapter Twenty Nine: A Little Sus

• Chapter Thirty: Thanks To My Besties

• Chapter Thirty One: Stole Her

• Chapter Thirty Two: So Dense

• Chapter Thirty Three: Really Lucky

• Chapter Thirty Four: So Stressed

• Chapter Thirty Five: Still Processing

• Chapter Thirty Six: Fucking Clown

• Chapter Thirty Seven: Wrong Picture

• Chapter Thirty Eight: Best Girl

• Chapter Thirty Nine: I Don't Cheat

• Chapter Fourty: Let It Go

• Chapter Fourty One: Still Bitter

• Chapter Fourty Two: Candy Crush

• Chapter Fourty Three: Do Something Wrong

• Chapter Fourty Four: Sappy On Main

• Chapter Fourty Five: Like That!!

• Chapter Fourty Six: Even I Know That

• Chapter Fourty Seven: WTF??

• Chapter Fourty Eight: [sobbing]

• Chapter Fourty Nine: Missed Her

• Chapter Fifty: Shared Custody

• Chapter Fifty One: On My Own

• Chapter Fifty Two: So Sorry!

• Chapter Fifty Three: Feel Better Soon Babe

• Chapter Fifty Four: Grab Your Popcorn

• Chapter Fifty Five: Fucked Up

• Chapter Fifty Six: Big Surprise

• Chapter Fifty Seven: Regret This Decision

• Chapter Fifty Eight: Lose Her

• Chapter Fifty Nine: Don't Want You To Hurt

• Chapter Sixty: What's Going On?

• Chapter Sixty One: Do You Remember

• Chapter Sixty Two: What Were You Thinking

• Chapter Sixty Three: Favorite Player

• Chapter Sixty Four: A Really Long Time

• Chapter Sixty Five: You Look Terrible

• Chapter Sixty Six: What In The Romance Movie

• Chapter Sixty Seven: Can We Be Friends?

• Chapter Sixty Eight: Isn't A Joke

• Chapter Sixty Nine: Work For It

• Chapter Seventy: I Spy

• Chapter Seventy One: Romance With A Dash Of Heartbreak

• Chapter Seventy Two: Think About It

• Chapter Seventy Three: Butter Me Up

• Chapter Seventy Four: Vibe Check

• Chapter Seventy Five: Running Late

• Chapter Seventy Six: Stop Drooling

• Chapter Seventy Seven: Same Dumb Bitch

• Chapter Seventy Eight: For Anyone Wondering

• Chapter Seventy Nine: So Dead

• Chapter Eighty: #thankyoumikey

• Chapter Eighty One: Do It Again?

• Chapter Eighty Two: He's Sentimental

• Chapter Eighty Three: So God Damn Perfect

• Chapter Eighty Four: So This Happened...

pt. 1, pt. 2

• Chapter Eighty Five: Def Be A Slowburn

• Chapter Eighty Six: Only One Bed

• Chapter Eighty Seven: Gonna Do It

• Chapter Eighty Eight: Better Be Good

• Chapter Eighty Nine: Can't Get Enough

• Chapter Ninety: You're It

• Final: Epilogue

Other:

• Chapter 34 Draken Sketch by hikkarins

• Chapter 23 Mikey Sketch by hikkarins

• Chapter 45 Draken Sketch by hikkarins

#draken x reader #tokyorevengers smau #tokyo revengers #smau #yes back with another soulmate one #meant to be

[cuti3chw3]

some secrets can’t be kept

jeonghan yawned as he realized the comfort of his room didn’t feel the same without the chaos of his family, there’s no y/n koala hugging him as he slept, no nayeon threatening to get grandma on him, no seohyun playing in flour while everyone napped, no eunbyeol being the only behaving child and no jaehyung to wake him up, he checked his phone and was disappointed to know that he wasn’t woken up by his kids

“this some bullshit” he got back under his covers and tried to go back to sleep to no avail, so he got on his phone “all because seungcheol hyung thought of some bullshit to make me stay at the dorms” as if he was a light switch his mood changed immediately when he saw a photo his mother in law sent of the five people he misses the most playing in sand on some beach in jeju

his heart softened and he visibly smiled “jaehyung is so big” jeonghan’s mood changed again when one of the members decided to knock on the door “what do you want” the surprised voice of his best friend rung out in shock “you’re actually up” “yes, now what do you need” “get dressed we’re going out today” “i’m going home” “seungcheol hyung says not until you say why you ignored us for three months” “i’m not planning on telling either” the sigh of the younger 95 liner was enough to tell jeonghan to get dressed

“where are we going again” “dance room, the vocal unit is doing a dance cover for crush, all 13 of us are going to be there though” “i want to go home” the lack of answer made jeonghan groan before finally getting ready

“look who came out of the-” “shut the fuck up” “he’s grumpy seungkwan don’t bother him today” joshua patted his friend on the back and they all walked to go to the dance practice

“i’m tired” jeonghan groaned for the umpteenth time that day and the other members either shook their head or rolled their eyes “you can go home if you tell us why you ghosted us for three months” “i have a cat at my personal home and she was sick” jeonghan then showed all of them pictures of a cat, that in fact you had got as a gift for nayeon (read as family)

“was that the truth jeonghan” jeonghan looked the elder in his eyes and nodded “it’s true” seungcheol looked at him and sighed “sorry jeonghan, you can go home whenever you need too, what’s her name” “chijeu” some blinked before bursting out laughing “no way” “yes way”

i groaned in protest at the four year old trying to find some way to convince me to bring jeonghan here “mom, you’re obsessed with dad, you should’ve took him with us” “nayeon, honey he’s with his friends, he couldn’t come” “says who” i blinked at my daughter and she shuddered “nayeon i have been your age you haven’t been mine” “that’s not fair you’re like fourty”

seohyun snickered at this and eunbyeol looked, then blinked, turned away then she acted as if we didn’t exist while returning to her sandcastle “i’m actually in my twenties, you just turned four nayeon” “i’m still the prettiest four year old you’ve ever seen” i rolled my eyes while playing in jaehyung’s hair “i’m going to call him girls”

a couple rings later and his face came onto screen while heavily panting “hi my loves, i miss you all so much” i set the camera up where he could see jae and he gasped “our son gotten so big huh jeonghan, and he looks just like moi” jeonghan rolled his eyes making sure to stick out his tongue “i have you on the dance room speaker, so i can hear the girls in the back ground, it seems like jeju is fun”

“ah, your little demon called me fourty jeonghan” i then realized what he said and hung up abruptly, “oh my god, what did we just do”

jeonghan was confused on why y/n hung up then the voices of seventeen made him drop his phone “you lied to us about that cat huh” “do you even have a cat hyung” “why didn’t you tell us” “your pullout game is weak” “shut the hell up jun, jeonghan is a dad” the other members were either shocked or just confused on how he hid his family for so long

jeonghan denied everything while shaking his head no and waving his hands “so you see that’s not who you think it was”

seungcheol looked the younger in his eyes and shook his head “jeonghan how many kids do you have” he then sat down wide eyed as it all sunk in

he accidentally blew his biggest secret

masterlist

a/n: @butterfliesinthenightsky, here you go, it was a little later then i expected though!!

#cuti3chw3 writes #cuti3chw3 #dad! seventeen #seventeen jeonghan #yoon jeonghan #jeonghan x y/n #seventeen jeonghan x you #dilf jeonghan #seventeen x reader #seventeen fluff #seventeen idol au #jeonghan dad au #seventeen writings #svt carat #jeonghan yoon #svt fanfic

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 11

Cult Girl goes on a little solo excursion while Hannibal works.

@wisesandwichshark @pearlstiare

Trigger warnings: (fake) blood, mentions of death overseas, anti-choice harassment, discussion of abortion

Archie and Max leaving the picture was a problem you couldn't bring yourself to deal with when you awoke the next day. You anticipated a massive downward spiral if you didn't do something for yourself and fast. You'd spent so much time worrying about your schoolwork and your baby that it was long past due.

You made a couple of phone calls and found a GameStop a little out of the way with a used copy of Pokémon Alpha Sapphire for sale. About twenty minutes drive. Hannibal had back-to-back appointments clogging up his day, so it gave you an excuse to go on a little excursion.

You climbed into your car, picked an extensive playlist of your favorite songs and set off. You plugged the directions into your phone and let the map guide you. The roads narrowed as you watched your surroundings grow less and less familiar.

Soon enough, you pulled into a parking lot. Nestled between a Planned Parenthood and a used bookstore, the GameStop beckoned you. At the end of your tunnel vision was that game and nothing could stop you from getting it.

Certainly not from lack of trying.

"Stop right there!" A voice said. It chuckled, trying to make the rude interruption seem friendly.

An obstacle appeared in your line of sight: a plain-looking middle-aged white woman with dyed blonde hair. Just your garden variety Karen.

"Can I help you?" You said, giving your voice a distinct, annoyed bite.

She smiled, though not without discomfort. "Are you going, y'know, in there?"

She gestured to the building behind you. Uncertain of what she wanted or why she was making a trip to the GameStop so weird, you answered in the affirmative.

"Yeah, why?"

She wrapped her hand around your arm, as if to restrain you. Her touch made your skin crawl.

"I really don't think you should go in there."

You finally put the pieces together. This lady was just some anti-choice maniac, waiting outside a Planned Parenthood for any random pregnant woman to approach.

"Yeah, I totally carried this baby for five months just to get rid of it within a week of the legal termination threshold." You rolled your eyes. "I just want it to feel the maximum possible amount of pain when I destroy it."

The woman's face turned into one of abject horror and you smiled, feeling proud of yourself. You yanked your arm from her hand with full intent to walk away. That should have been the end of it.

"Wait!" She shouted, snatching you by the shoulder. "Please, reconsider. God gave you that little one because he wants you to be a mommy!"

"For the love of fuck, woman." You snarled. "Can you seriously not pick up on sarcasm? I'm not even going to the clinic. I'm going to the GameStop."

She wasn't convinced. "See, I think you're lying to me. I think you're telling me one thing and then you're gonna do another thing."

"What the hell is it any of your business, Karen?" You scowled at her. "Leave me alone!"

"Just pray about it, please!" She pleaded. "What if your baby grows up to be a soldier? Protecting your freedom?"

"Oh, then I should definitely kill it now." You snarked. "Would save him the trouble of getting blown up by other Americans in a senseless war like my dad."

Adda girl, [F/N]! You thought to yourself. Nothing gets nosy strangers to go away quite like revealing even more personal information!

She put both her hands on your protruding belly. "Don't worry, angel. Mommy isn't going to kill you! Aunt Laurie won't allow it!"

You vaguely remembered your obstetrician saying something about how twenty-week fetuses could hear the outside world. You weren't planning on subjecting the kid to violence this early on, but desperate times call for desperation.

You grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her down. She screamed, getting the attention of a few onlookers.

"Help!" She wailed, lying on the ground as if she couldn't get up. "I'm being attacked!"

You dashed as quickly as your legs could carry you into the GameStop. The lone cashier, a purple-haired girl with a nose ring, pretended that she hadn't been watching the altercation and looked back down at her sandwich.

"Welcome to GameStop." She said, hesitantly. "Are you... [F/N]?"

You nodded. "Yeah, I'm here for that copy of Alpha Sapphire."

"Tubular." She rummaged in a drawer beside her for the envelope.

A rather massive eevee plush displayed behind the counter caught your eye. "How much for her?"

The cashier placed the game on the counter and looked back at the massive eevee. "Fourty-four ninety-five."

"I'll take her too." You said.

The cashier pulled the eevee down from the shelf and scanned its tag.

"Aight, your total is sixty-nine eighty." She said.

"Nice." You snickered, reaching for your credit card.

The cashier smirked as you inserted the chip. "Hey, was that crazy lady accosting you outside?"

"I take it she does that a lot?" You asked.

She heaved a sigh. "You have no idea."

You looked behind at the large windows and saw the woman standing outside the door, waiting for you. You felt like a caged animal. Your eyes scanned the room and landed on a couple ketchup packets. A sick idea formed in your head.

"Are you gonna use those?" You asked, pointing to them.

The cashier glanced at the woman and raised her eyebrow. "Not if you have a better use for them."

The bell jangled as you walked out of the store with a shopping bag around your wrist and a ketchup packet in each hand. Just as suspected, the woman grabbed your arm.

"Oh, honey!" She exclaimed. "Before you leave, god put it on my mind to say a little prayer for the unborn soldier he's gifted you in your womb."

"I'd rather you not." You said, trying to yank your arm out of her surprisingly strong grip.

"You're brave, but foolish, girl." She barked, positioning herself in front of you. You fidgeted with the ketchup packets behind your back, opening them just enough.

The woman put both her hands on your belly. The second you felt her touch, you threw yourself backwards. You landed, not without pain, squarely on your ass.

"Oh my?" The woman covered her mouth with her fingertips. "Are you--"

You leaned forward and moaned in pain, clutching your baby bump with one hand while drenching your shorts in ketchup with the other. You pretended to cave around the pain, then threw yourself back, revealing a bloody stain leaking from between your legs. The woman shrieked.

"Oh my fucking god!" The cashier from the store said, rushing to your side. She put her hand on your shoulder and glared at the woman. "What did you do?!?"

"She pushed me and I think it hurt my baby!" You wailed.

"Holy shit, why would you hurt her baby?!" The cashier shouted, allowing you to slink your arm around her shoulder for support. She then snatched your shopping bag from the ground.

"I didn't mean to, honest!" She said, on the verge of tears. "I was just trying to spread god's love and joy-"

"By assaulting a pregnant woman?!" The cashier yelled. You were clutching your stomach in fake pain. She helped you to your feet. "Come on, let's get you to the clinic."

You conjured up some fake tears. "You killed my baby!"

"You wicked woman!" She cried out. Her voice faded out as you approached the clinic. "You don’t deserve a baby!"

You kept up the crying and wailing until you arrived at the Planned Parenthood. More interested in covering her own ass than begging for forgiveness, the crazy woman made herself scarce. Entering the clinic with an incriminating bloodstain on your pants was awkward, for a moment. But it was easy enough to explain and even earned a laugh or two from the doctors on staff.

Once you were completely certain the crazy lady had left, you scooped up your shopping bag, said goodbye to the cashier and climbed into the car.

Before you put the key in the ignition, you took a moment. You took a moment to do something you knew you shouldn't have.

You placed your hand on your belly and stroked it. "We make a pretty good team, huh?"

You didn't know why you paused. It wasn't like the fetus was going to answer.

"Sorry you had to see that." You said. "Or, I guess, hear that. I wish I could tell you that people aren't really like that in real life, but I can't. Either that or I'm just a magnet for insane people. Hope that it's not genetic."

It just occurred to you that, if your obstetrician was right, the fetus heard everything that you said about killing it. Logically speaking, you knew it wasn't developed enough to comprehend what you were saying, but you still felt like you owed it an apology.

"Hey, scamp." You said, appropriating a nickname your grandfather gave you. "I'm sorry that I talked all that shit back there. About killing you and whatnot. I don't want to kill you. I actually want you to live an amazing life."

Just then, you felt a kick. The doctor war right: there was no mistaking it. The baby kicked.

Your mouth hung dumbly open, delight and fear chasing each other around in your mind. "Holy crap!"

You drove home as fast as legally possible. You needed to get home. As you pulled into the driveway, you noticed that Hannibal's car wasn't there.

He'll be home any minute, you thought. Might as well stay out here to catch him when he arrives.

That was an hour ago. Not that you'd noticed. You would have sat in that car, talking to your baby for an eternity. It wasn't until you heard a tapping on the window did you exit your trance.

Hannibal examined the scene. The ketchup, the massive eevee and his suddenly very chatty fiancée shooting the breeze with her fetus. He smirked.

"Did we have a fun afternoon?"

#hannibal x you #hannibal nbc #hannibal x reader #hannibal lecter #hannibal lecter x reader #cult girl #cult girl doctorate #cult girl 2 #tw abortion #tw pro life #Karen

[makkoskafanfic]

WIP fic release

In which one Madara is the manager of the black metal band called the Akatsuki and shares a History with the Mayor of Konoha. 

@enquiringangel this might be slightly cheating as this one’s fairly recent and I might actually continue it if my brain cooperates. 

Madara wakes to a harrowing headache. He squints against the light, doing his best not to be sick and wishes he remembered to draw the curtains closed last night. It takes him some time to realise the pounding doesn’t only come from inside his skull - someone is knocking on the door of his hotel room as well.

He lurches to his feet and stumbles to the door to jerk it open.

“What,” he barks “is so urgent?”

“Wow, boss. You look like hell,” Obito takes a long look at him as he stands there in nothing but his boxers. “I could have lived without this sight.”

“Then go and bother someone else,” he tries to slam the door in the younger man’s face, but Obito holds it open with a hand. Madara feels too sick to fight, so he just wanders back to the bed and slumps down on it. “Let me die in peace.”

“Can’t do,” Obito says cheerfully. “It’s 10 already, we need to check out in an hour and we have to discuss the next steps of the tour before.”

Madara groans and pushes a pillow against his face. He then remembers it’s a hotel pillow, and who knows when it had been properly washed, so throws it away.

“Aren’t you supposed to be my assistant? Do something on your own for a change. I’m dying.”

“Are you hungover?”

“I wish I was. I hardly got to drink anything last night, as Kakuzu and Kisame got into a fight at the bar and I had to smooth things over.”

“A migraine then.”

“You don’t say.”

“Where are your meds?”

“Small bag in the big bag.”

Obito fishes the pills out and pours him a glass of water. He also wets a towel and handles it over to Madara, to lay it on his face. Madara likes him a bit more than he usually does in that moment. 

He approached Madara about half a year ago, asking him to hire him. He was family - which was a good enough reason in itself to decline him in Madara’s opinion. But he had that kicked puppy look in his eyes when the older man told him to get lost. He just couldn’t go back home, he said. Not after all that happened. 

He would have been a handsome guy, if not for the ugly scar on the right side of his face. There was some tragic love story in the background. In the end Madara was weak and offered him a job if he promised he would never again bore him with the details. He doesn’t want to be involved in the woes of a twenty-two years old. He has never really gotten over his own heartbreak from his early twenties, so he was hardly a suitable person to give any advice. 

“You will get over it,” he told him. “Or maybe you won’t. Either way, I couldn’t care less about this Rin and Kakashi, so never mention them again. Here’s your contract. Money is shit, but then, I don’t really have anything for you to do.” 

Obito signed without any questions and here he was now, giving Madara his painkillers, proving to be useful in the end. 

“Are the circus freaks awake yet?” me mutters from under his wet towel.

“I heard Hidan’s yelling, so probably they are.”

“Go and check on them, won’t you? It would be great to keep the schedule for once.”

“I’m more concerned about you. Have you considered you are too old for this life?”

Madara pulls the towel off his face and raises his head with an effort to glare at Obito.

“I’m forty-seven you disrespectful little shit. I’m not old.”

“Whatever you say, gramps. Do I need to help to get you into the shower?”

Madara scrunches the towel into a ball and throws it at Obito. It hits him on the neck with a satisfying wet smack. 

“Keep your hands to yourself and run me through the schedule.” 

He gets to his feet, feeling marginally better as the painkillers start to kick in. He definitely feels the age in his back and he stretches, but he is careful not to wince as Obito is watching. He leaves the bathroom door slightly ajar, allowing the voice of his so-called assistant to carry through. He doesn’t listen as he knows everything by heart, but he might as well let him play being important. Madara, as the meticulous person he is, doesn’t forget the details of the tour plan. It’s a useful trait to have for the manager of the band, although it probably would come as a surprise to the fans who remember Madara as a chaotic rock star.

He used to be quite famous, being on the stage for a good fifteen years. He had a carefully built image, with everything in the book - the sometimes sensual, sometimes rude and shocking lyrics, the wild guitar riffs, a voice that had a classical education but was put to the best use when screaming into the mic. He used to have the looks, with his long mane of hair, the wiry muscles on his chest and arms that made him look good shirtless on the stage.

The rumours, the gossip and scandals that came with that lifestyle never bothered him. They had very little foundation - outside his stage persona, Madara has always been a reserved man, but that wasn’t what the fans wanted to see and in his opinion everybody was entitled to the illusions they preferred.

Madara has always been a smart man, too. As he passed fourty, all that came with the show, the tours, the gigs, the albums, the photo shoots started to get too much. So he just quit it, without any plan in place with what he wanted to do with his life. 

He didn’t enjoy retirement, but then, it lasted about two months. He was approached by Yahiko, or as he became known on his stage name, by Pain, offering him the role of the manager for his newly formed black metal band, The Akatsuki. He already had the members, he explained, just needed someone with experience in the industry to help them break through.

Madara agreed to meet the band and realised that Yahiko-Pain, with his numerous piercings, spikey carrot-red hair and well formed messiah-complex was the least weird of them all still. He thought they wouldn’t last a month, but out of boredom he agreed to be their manager. It would be a laugh, he considered, some trash band with a manager who had no idea what he was doing.

Almost seven years have passed since. The Akatsuki have become surprisingly successful within their genre and Madara is still managing them. He didn’t even like them - on some days, like today, he outright loathes them - but he couldn’t figure out what else to do with the rest of his life.

By the time he checks out in the lobby, he feels mostly human again. The horrible migraine quilted down to an annoying, but bearable headache. He has his jacket zipped up to his chin, his hair up in a ponytail and large sunglasses covering most of his face, and nobody spares him a second glance. 

“Madara, you fucking bastard,” Hidan, the guitarist shrieks at him when he approaches their bus. Madara doesn’t even wince - he has accepted years ago that Hidan is incapable of speaking in a normal tone or without unnecessary swear words. While his skills on the guitar are mediocre at best, he is a vital part of the show.  One can always count on him to be shocking, offensive and obscene. He’s a considerable contributor to the spotlight the band gets on the media. “Last night was fucking awesome, man! The crowd just ate it all up! Where are we up next? Iwa? We will rock them! Haha! Kakuzu, you limp dick, do you get it? Rock them, as Iwa is…”

“Actually we’ve been in Iwa half a year ago,” Obito interrupts, as he still didn’t learn to just ignore Hidan. “That’s where we started the tour, remember. Our next stop is… Konoha,” he looks sour and Madara makes a mental note not to sit next to him on the drive. It’s going to 

be a long one and he can’t bear listening to him go off about Rin-Kakashi-Rin-Kakashi-Rin-Kakashi again.

Especially as he’s not the only one upset by going back to Konoha. It’s not the first time Madara will be back of course - he has left over twenty years ago, and the town has become too prominent to miss out on tours. He was a nervous wreck on all occasions before and he’s not sure this time will be different. Well over two decades have passed, but Madara is not very good at moving on.

They all climb into the bus, which is getting rather small or rather, their team is getting too big. The four members of the band, Madara, Obito, Pain’s lethargic girlfriend slash occasional keyboardist and the “arts” team who are responsible for everything that happens on the stage that’s not music, from pyrotechnics to setting up equipment.

Kakuzu, their bassist, is behind the wheels as he claimed a driver is just a waste of money and the others couldn’t care less about who was driving. Madara sits down next to him on the front seat as the man at least doesn’t talk much. They all settle slowly, Pain and Konan in the back, so they can make out as they usually do, Hidan bickering with the blond arts kid, Kisame, the drummer, grumbling something about ergonomy as he tries to fold his tall frame into the seat. Obito sits next to him, seeming ready to start off his tirade about his bloody annoying love triangle. 

Madara puts in some music so he doesn’t have to listen to any of them and decides on feigning sleep on the majority of the trip. He can already feel anxiety setting down inside his very bones. Going home isn’t something he looks forward to.

#hashimada #madara #fanfic #wip #wip fic release #modern au #akatsuki #unedited sorry!

[ageofevermore]

1-44 😈😈😈😈

you asked for it shawty 🍒

zero. height

— five foot, but if you refer to my as anything but four eleven i’ll cry

one. age

— seventeen

two. shoe size

— between 8 and 9 ½

three. do you smoke?

— no

four. do you drink?

— for legal reasons… no

five. do you take drugs?

— no

six. age you get mistaken for

— ask my tumblr besties they’ll call me 9, but irl it’s usually 18+

seven. have tattoos?

— no

eight. want any tattoos?

— yes !!

nine. got any piercings?

— yup !! eight !!

ten. want any piercings?

— i want a double cartilage on my right ear and i want my fourth lobe

eleven. best friend?

— tumblr bestie would have to go to @strawberryystyles, @multiholland, @heavenlyholland, and u baddie

twelve. relationship status

— single, very ready to mingle

thirteen. biggest turn ons

— hands !! hands hands hands !! but also being sweet

fourteen. biggest turn offs

— the next time a guy asks me for a threesome i’m literally giving up all hope in the male species

fifteen. favorite movie

— tangled

sixteen. i’ll love you if…

— sigh, i’ll love you if you keep being you bitch

seventeen. someone you miss

— my school besties that i just refuse to text

eighteen. most traumatic experience

— waking up to the paramedics outside my bedroom door which didn’t end well

nineteen. a fact about your personality

— i’m like equally extroverted as i am introverted, but despite contrary belief, i’m shy

twenty. what I hate most about myself

— my personality lol

twenty-one. what I love most about myself

— my empathy ?? sigh, i unfortunately have a soft spot for people

twenty-two. what I want to be when I get older

— mentally stable

twenty-three. my relationship with my sibling(s)

— sigh, i’ve had my fair share of step siblings, but they’ve all been younger by a lot so ya girl is material af

twenty-four. my relationship with my parent(s)

— i don’t really talk to my dad, but sigh, unfortunately my mom is my bestie

twenty-five. my idea of a perfect date

— movie dates !! please, let's just cuddle and watch movies, but i won't actually be paying attention because i'm counting your heartbeat against my back.

twenty-six. my biggest pet peeves

— men. straight men.

twenty-seven. a description of the girl/boy I like

— i don’t like anyone :(

twenty-eight. a description of the person I dislike the most

— literally i could go on and on, i dislike people irrationally. but, male.

twenty-nine. a reason I’ve lied to a friend

— because i didn’t want to hang out

thirty. what I hate the most about work/school

— how fucking ignorant teachers are when it comes to their workload.

thirty-one. what my last text message says

— “i’ll answer you”

thirty-two. what words upset me the most

— anything about body image really

thirty-three. what words make me feel the best about myself

— usually things that relate to personality

thirty-four. what I find attractive in women

— hands, personalities, humor, … anger

thirty-five. what I find attractive in men

— hands, hair, personality

thirty-six. where I would like to live

— hawaii, new york, vancouver

thirty-seven. one of my insecurities

— my personality

thirty-eight. my childhood career choice

— actor

thirty-nine. my favorite ice cream flavor

— chocolate, cookies n cream, chocolate chip cookie dough

fourty. who I wish I could be

— please, funny story, when i was like… 6… i walked around with a selena gomez necklace and told everyone she was my older sister. so just for little kyrstin, i’m gonna say selena

fourty-one. where I want to be right now

— asleep

thirty-two. the last thing I ate

— vanilla puffs… like… the baby food

thirty-three. sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

— @serendipitystyles sigh, they’re pretty sexy with there camera being right in their face

thirty-four. a random fact about anything

— aquatic animals swim in water

#ˏˋ⋆ saige ⋆ˊˎ #kyr answers

[the-fiction-witch]

Darth Duck

REAL LIFE SCANDAL COUPLE: TBS X REAER RATING: FUNNY + SUGGESTIVE

"Welcome... everyone to another Episode of Thomas and Y/n have taken to much of something and are now going to do something that's probably a bad idea" Y/n smiled as she sat in a mesh dress with a bright red and black bra and Thomas sat at the table beside her drinking vodka shirtless

"Welcome to drunk food reviewing"

"Not what we are doing?"

"Aren't we?"

"No Thomas"

"Ohhh... what are we doing?"

"Read the board Thomas"

"I can't... its over there. Read it to me y/n" he sighed laying on her shoulder

"We are doing the video we have to age restrict? remember Thomas?"

"Ooooooooohhhh the sexy video?"

"Yes, the sexy video, that's why you don't have a shirt on"

"... Did I remove my shirt? or did you do that?"

"You did that"

"They why don't I remember."

"Because of the state you are in sugar cube" she laughs kissing his head and patting his hair

"Can we get nuggets when we are done filming?" he whispered

"we have Nuggets? there on there way with the food bicycle man"

"Hurry Up food Man! I want tiny chicken  shapes!" he complained

"I should probably get to the point?"

"Why? Sally will edit for us"

"We can't rely on sally"

"why not? I love sally, she had a great..... face"

"Does she? Incase you can't notice. We are half drunk and also... kinda stoned. Maybe a little tiny bit"

"You're stoned! I'm just drunk!"

"We have had... between us. Three bottles of wine. a bottle of whiskey and half a bottle of vodka. and then like a teaspoon of weed"

"I think it was like a cup of weed"

"it was a small pot, i smoke it because Thomas brought it back for me from his holiday in Holland, He did not smoke any, However he was in the room when I did. so I think you have like a baby contact high" she says "don't do drugs kids... but we are adults. ish. Kinda. Legally we are adults."

"I know you are but what am I?"

"This is the issue is that Thomas is a weird childish person anyway, and then you get him drunk and he becomes like six but a six year old who just read what all the swear words are, and when he's high... yeah this is what happens he just becomes like a weird whatever this is"

"Fight me bittch! I am the king!"

"Yes Thomas, yes you are" she laughs cuddling him "You wanna know what we are doing today? Or do you wanna sober up a little bit?"

"Tiny sober? while you explain the thing we are doing" he says leaving a moment

"We are reviewing weird sex toys I found online, Now if I sound way more together thats because I didn't drink as much becuase... I didn't want a repeat of the Barbie cake incident. and also because I think I have way more of a tolerance then Thomas does" she says as Thomas returned with a coffee "Better now?"

"Yes"

"Its the weed, that if fucking you up right now. it just makes me really calm and slow... you just fucking go off the bloody walls"

"Yes it is. so. show me the first sexy thing"

"I am the first sexy thing"

"Yes you are, you are very sexy, May I nuzzle with the boobs?"

"No"

"But I wanna"

"But you can't we are filming right now Thomas"

"But! Boob!"

"No boobs for you"

"Fine... I'll grope my own boobs" He sighed groping his own chest

"I think you are still too out of it to function"

"Im functioning, I have great tits"

"You do, you want the first toy or not?"

"Yes! bing it to me"

"Here you go" Y/n said putting  a rubber duck on the table she clicked a button and this yellow duck began to vibrate across the table

"Who is this for? Becuase... I cannot stick my dick in it. and as far as I was aware that is the point of most male sex toys"

"Sticking your dick in it?"

"Sticking my dick in it" he says "To be fair I put my dick alot of places I probably shouldn't" he says looking at the toy

"You do. Like your ex girlfriend" she giggled

"Ooohhh that was a low blow"

"I assume for girls becuase... vibration"

"Guys like vibration too"

"Yeah but.. I think its for ladies Or just in general as a vibrator" she says "Rate this out of One to five climaxes?"

"Two, Its meh"

"I'd say three, just is nothing else because it amuses me"

"Like your exboyfreind"

"Bitch..." she sighed "Would you rather have thids duck then your rubber duck upstairs?"

"No, Becuase my ruber duck is amazing"

"Is he?"

"Yes! How dare you insult My duck" He says getting up a moment and when he returned he had a little bath duck dressed like Vader "He is darth Duck." "Darth Duck?"

"Yes. He murdered a group of eggs because of his brain washing and now has a deathboat that goes around destroying ponds"

"So you would rather have a tiny sith duck in your bathtub then this vibrating guy?"

"Yes I would"

"Okay... he comes home with me then"

"what's next?"

"This is an Egg Massager"

"I am Aware of these"

"Ohh are you?"

"I use to have on of these" "DId you? like seriously?"

"Yeah, its way smaller and easier to hide then like a full fleshlight, even like the fleshlights where its just the jelly plastic are hard to hide, hard to store, hard to clean, hard to travel with. so yes I got one of these and it is amazing! its not to big, not to small so it breaks, you can turn it inside out to clean it" He explained

"Thats on the internet now thomas"

"I know. I have crossed a line just being in this fucking video"

"so lets just say fuck it and jump over it?"

"The line has been crossed so Lets just run with it"

"Is this what a virgina feels like to men?" she asks sticking her fingers in it

"A little bit. as much as any male sex toy does. I have yet to stick my dick in a sex toy and actuly feels like a virgina. but thats not really the point. Its like I imagine vibrators and such like aren't really meant to feel like getting fucked. but you know if they feel like a dick then great"

"I get that yeah... this is like fourty pounds though?"

"Its worth it I think. As a man"

"How many orgasms out of five?"

"Four and a half orgasms"

"Better then your ex girlfreind?"

".... yes"

" this product is thomas aproved"

"Few sex toys recive that"

"Yeah becuse your boring and don't want sexy toys"

"I like sex toys. but I would rather just... have sex"

"okay so like not mastabation toys like partner toys?"

"Yeah" "Like handcuffs, lube, maybe like one of those vibes for men and ladies?"

"Yeah, more like that. I hope my ex doesn't find this video"

"Ohh she's gonna be mad at you"

"Also... My future children. If you are watching this and I birthed you please do not watch this"

"You birthed them? when did you grow a womb?"

"Yesterday"

"Moving on! you want some lube thomas?"

"Hit me with the lube"

"Here you go, its... strawberry flavoured" she says "You like strawberries thomas"

"I do, But I don't get the point"

"The point of lube?"

"No the point of it being flavoured" He says "I don't get that"

"Its for like... if I was for jerking you off and i needed lube I could use this and then after jerking you off for a while I could suck your dick and it would be strawberry flavoured"

"Or I guess... for eating out also? for the same reason"

"yeah for that. I hope there arent just people like eating lube. If so... Get help Because thats a problem" she says putting some on her arm and licking it "Its not bad, tastes like... strawberry chew its"

"Gimme" he says putting some on his hand "Okay frist it looses points for being bad lube"

"what?"

"This is shit lube y/n"

"How... how can you tell that?"

"rub it between your fingers, Now good lube you should be able to separate your hands and it should get stringy like it reaches between your hands"

"Like slime?"

"Yes like slime" he says "or put some on your hand good lube you should put your hand upside down and it shouldn't move it should stay on your hands"

"You have alot of lube kwnollage"

"I do." he says before having a lick of the lube "Where are you getting strawberry chew its? it tastes like strawberry cough syrup" He sighed "Do we have to do anymore? Can I go to bed?"