#Don't worry I am going insane about it...

[skypoff]

Pomni: An Intro to Coping

Pomni is the first character out of the TADC cast I am doing a deep dive on; for two main reasons. The first, being that she is the main lead character we as viewers vicariously live through in the show. And second, because her character is - as I see it - a lead-in to how the other characters behave. (Added note: I won't be touching on everything regarding the character. Only the details I feel are coherent for the rant I want to write.)

I would like to put emphasis on the note that all of this is drawn together from my own interpretations and speculations. At the end of the day, if you disagree with any of my thoughts, that is perfectly fine. This post is written out of sole enjoyment and passion for the character, with a twinge (read; a lot) of spite.

With that being said, here is a multi-faceted rant focusing on Pomni.

CHAPTER I: A NEW HOME

➣ Pomni is the newest human who has transmigrated into the digital circus world. As such, her first-hand experience in the cartoonish, limitless, yet restrictive space is also the viewers' vicarious shared experience through her eyes.

➣ Obviously, being dragged to the VR space and told there's no escape isn't great to hear. As such, Pomni's first reaction is denial. {"Ohhh, okay, now I get it! This, is a dream! And I should just play along until I wake up! Right??"} It's a standard reaction most people will default to in order to soothe themselves. A way to say "I can exit this situation, I am still in control" while providing a safety-net explanation for any illogical events.

➣ So, why is this important? The 5 stages of grief aren't a new concept nor is it a hard one to grasp, so how does it connect to Pomni? It's important because Pomni's character as a whole is a set-up template for how an individual can cope with unfamiliar, uncomfortable, or traumatizing events.

➣ I don't mean this to flatten Pomni's character down to a base statement of "she's a caricature". Quite the opposite actually; approaching Pomni's behaviors and her motivations with the perspective of "how a person will cope" gives a more layered view of her as a character.

➣ Being trapped in a new space with seemingly no escape can only lead to two outcomes in human behavior. Adaptation, or deterioration.

CHAPTER II: DEALING WITH IT

➣ Almost like how a child navigates their new life, Pomni is experimenting with how to adapt to the circumstances, whether she is consciously aware of that or not.

➣ In the pilot episode, Pomni protects herself under the fragile lie of denial (as previously mentioned) up to the point when Ragatha breaks down a bit in the dorm hallway after Pomni asks why they don't try to leave. Hearing the process of going insane in the digital circus makes the whole situation much more real.

➣ When facing the abstracted Kaufmo, Pomni displays guilt in initially abandoning Ragatha to fend for herself, then promises Ragatha that she'll go find Caine to fix both of them up.

➣ I find it noteworthy to touch on this interaction. As Pomni goes to leave, Ragatha comments "I'm sorry your first day here had to be so... terrible?" to which Pomni awkwardly replies with "Uh... yeah, well don't- worry about it. I'm just gonna go find Caine now". It's meant to be a comforting statement of compensation from Ragatha, but it doesn't land that way for Pomni because- although friendly and empathetic, highlighting that it is her "first day" of who knows how many only cements her fate more.

➣ Despite promising to help Ragatha, Pomni almost immediately goes through the elusive exit door once it appears before her, only sparing a couple glances back at the circus before going inside. This action is inherently selfish, but also accurately aligns with the drive for escape. If there is any hope to leave an unpleasant situation, people will generally take it, especially if they don't have any personal attachments to their surroundings.

➣ In regards to the 5 stages of grief, the whole sequence of Pomni running through the labyrinth office space undoubtedly represents bargaining. The mounting desperation of "Just one more door. This door will be the one. I'm sure the next one will let me leave." keeps piling onto the jester, until she mentally snaps and eventually ends up in the digital void.

➣ For the rest of the pilot after that, Pomni is left to finally come to terms with the fact that there really is no real exit. The others around her act nonchalant and unbothered by everything, leaving her feeling isolated and lost. Despite other trapped humans sitting beside her at a dining table, none of them seem to share her drive to leave.

➣ As far as she knows, she is completely alone, and she must fend for herself to either adapt, or abstract in this bizarre world.

CHAPTER III: ADJUSTMENTS

➣ In episode 2 of TADC, these anxieties of losing her own mind and being completely alone are pushed to the forefront. Alongside those concerns, Pomni goes through the remaining 3 of the 5 stages of grief.

➣ She shows clear anger towards Jax and his recklessness when he puts her safety at risk without any visible remorse (subconsciously solidifying Pomni's then assumption that she is not valued or considered as a part of the group, would not be missed, etc.). She also has a bout of mild frustration towards Ragatha in the beginning of the adventure {"I'm not a child. You don't have to hype me up."}.

➣ This morphs into a state of apathy/depression, as she questions the structure of the adventures {"So... our entire existence here is just... LARPing?"}{"What time period is this supposed to be again?"}. During the drive up to the chase scene with the gummy gator bandits, she can also be seen looking mildly upset in the back of the truck, eyeing the others with subtle discomfort or blankly staring off ahead.

➣ Finally, this all comes to a head with acceptance (albeit a tentative one) after Pomni befriends Gummigoo, one of the AI gummy gator bandits. She finally finds someone she can connect to, someone who has had their reality shattered and is forced to come to terms with it all. So, while she does her best to provide some comfort and reassurance for the gator, she also extends a metaphorical hand out to invite Gummigoo back to the circus, in the hopes that she won't have to continue alone.

➣ Although Caine deleting Gummigoo moments after his arrival nearly brings Pomni into a spiral then and there, Ragatha and Kinger step in to explain to Pomni about Kaufmo's funeral. A service they hold to honor the abstracted people for their shared time in the circus. That catches Pomni's attention. (I have a strong belief that if Pomni was left alone after Caine deleted Gummigoo, she would have completely broken down/abstracted shortly after. Not immediately, but she would inevitably.)

➣ Listening to the others (minus Jax) tell their stories of who Kaufmo was as a person and the good memories they had with him, the acceptance settles back in Pomni. Only, more assured now. She now has proof that they are all in this situation together, one way or another. She knows at the very least that she isn't considered as nothing by the others (minus Jax, we'll get there).

CHAPTER IV: CLOSING NOTES

➣ Pomni is an anxious, introverted, 25-year-old. Judging by her age (as provided by Gooseworx), Pomni very much fits with the idea of a young adult office worker. She's logical in her thinking, yet also unsure and wary of those around her.

➣ Gooseworx has also mentioned that Pomni is "good at accounting" (in a tumblr post on December 18th, 2023), which makes me think Pomni either was an accounting major or was an accountant in the real world.

➣ As of this post, there are only 2 of the 9 planned episodes that have been uploaded. In the episodes to come, I feel like we'll probably see Pomni grow more sure of herself in the circus. She'll still be wary about whatever new adventures Caine has planned, but from what has already been hinted at, I think Pomni may grow to be more bold and much more confident in testing the limits of the digital world. (Staging a coup against Caine sounds wild but would be hilarious)

➣ Overall, Pomni is a character who demonstrates the process of how someone tends to react to unpredictable circumstances. She is someone who people can generally empathize with and say "yeah, I can understand why she would react like that". A base foundation of human behavior who demonstrates how a person can either settle or crumble under stress.

TLDR; What a well-written isekai protagonist.

#the amazing digital circus #tadc #tadc pomni #the amazing digital circus pomni #pomni #digital circus #character analysis logs #character analysis

[splatarsenal]

VAMPIRE DEAN and destiel

it's long, under the cut...

tw for mention of cutting skin. a lot of mentions of blood and heart beating things idk...

It's kind of suggestive so be aware but yeah

Dean had gotten back from a hunt with Sam, vampires he watching it. but that wasn't important, dean wobbled into the apartment the brothers were staying in as he entered the light in the room made his eyes burn, his head ring. He attempted to use his arms to cover his face but got fed up and demanded Sam to turn it off as he did, he let out a relived sigh...but he had other things to worry about a lot more to worry about. dean could hear...so much more then he used to be able to, every little sound possible he could hear and the worst part he could hear the blood moving inside of Sam's body and his heart bumping it...it drove him insane just the thought of drinking sams blood made his mouth drool but he whipped off the small amount of drool, hopefully Sam didn't notice.

"dean..is everything, okay?" sam asked, worried about his brother who seemed to not be able to sit still. like he had ants in his pants, pacing a little around the small room they stood in. Sams eyes never leaving dean no matter how fast or slow he moved.

dean sat down on the edge of the bed in the room, resting his feet as one of his legs jittered up and down. He rubbed his eyes and scratched his face, cupping his face as he breathed deeply into them.

"yeah..i'm fine" he answered his brother. He was really fucking lying

I'm lazy so blah blah sam leaves to go and see if their grandpa knew anything or could help the sound of blood and heart beats had stopped because dean was in the room alone but he still heard little sounds like foot steps. Anything honestly..

Castiel appeared as he stood on the opposite side of the bed, standing in the dark room as his eyes locked onto dean, or at least the back of him. watching Deans little panic. he didn't say anything.

There it fucking was again...Blood pumping it drove him insane..was sam back already, he turned around and quickly jumped off the bed, he saw castiel and his heart raced "cas.." he uddered, his lip quivering.

"hello dean." cas said his usual raspy tone echoing even more through deans head then it usually did. And it was as if he could hear castiels true voice a little because a ring like he heard once hit his head. "You..seem different." Castiel said, he could feel the difference but he couldn't see what it was...

"yeah..i-i know that, cas." Dean said, acknowledging his change to.

Castiel walked around the bed, to get closer to dean as he tried to touch deans face, his hand hovering over deans skin a few inches from it.

The sound of castiels heart pumping his blood throughout cas's body made deans vision go blurry. he was tempted but quickly backed up from castiel. Shaking his head and keeping a good distance between him and cas "don't..please-" he said, worrying he'd hurt castiel, he didn't wanna drink blood and angel blood? God knows what that could do.

Castiels hand fell as he rested it beside his well side, he tilted his head a little to the side as his expression twisted into confusion, his eyebrows furrowed as his head went back to its original angle. He looked at the ground then back up at dean, locking eyes with him* "dean, I am only here to help." he said. thinking he had done something wrong or to upset dean.

dean knew castiel meant no harm, it hurt him to deny cas.. he enjoyed when castiel and him got closer..wait that sounded creepy he shook his head and tried to set his mind to one thing.. The sound of castiels blood got louder almost covering castiels words. but he could just a little make out castiels speech. "I know..cas, it's not-" he sighed, cupping his own face as he groaned into his hands and shook his head a little

"it's not what, dean?" castiel asked with another head tilt, he was curious...

"..somethings wrong cas..I'm scared." Dean said as his hands started to shake. he fiddled with his fingers

castiels eyes widened a bit with mostly shock, dean had never admitted to castiel that he was "scared"...something was wrong, he approached dean but didn't get too close, he wanted to respect deans space. "then let me help, dean".

dean noticed castiels step and was prepared to back up but..didnt because he didn't get to close "you..can't" dean admitted, he wanted castiels help but he didn't want to hurt him.

"why so?" castiel said as he kneeled down to dean, who was now sitting on the floor against the walls of the corner of the room (??).

Dean hugged his legs as he rested his chin on his knees.. He didn't know how to explain it so he.. just needed to be honest. "I can hear your blood." he admitted as his eyes furrowed.

Castiel frooze..what?.. he was confused. "what do you mean?" he wasn't very good with humans and stuff.. he hoped this was somewhat normal.

"I can hear it move around. it's loud.." dean admitted.

"dean..." Castiel scotted closer to dean, able to touch deans knee and give him his best attempt of a comforting touch, he squeezed deans knee. "..? are you.." castiel said, kind of realizing shit. he was a vampire.

Dean tried to get away from cas but he was already in the corner of the room he couldn't go nowhere else, he shivered as he felt castiels cold skin touch his jeans "Please..."

castiel thought dean was begging for his blood, hopefully his vessels blood. but he was clueless to the fact that dean was pleading for cas to back up, he took out a pocket knife which made dean kind of jump but castiel gave him a reassuring smile. and pressed the blade against his skin, sliding it down on his arm. the blood began to drip.

Dean shivered and his vision became so blurry, castiel only looked like a blob in front of him. his hearing echoed, the sound of blood got to its peak. he.. tried to pull back but his teeth Begun to turn sharp, like a mouth of teeth, his mouth began to uncontrollably drool.

"it's okay, dean. go ahead" Castiel said as he moved his arm closer to dean.

dean didn't want to. He really didn't but...Suddenly his mouth latched onto the small cut castiel had made on his arm. his teeth digging into the skin, he could hear castiel wince at this. his tongue licked and pecked at it. he began to suck, he was drinking castiels blood. god he was sick. but it was so good. he needed more.

Castiel groaned and bit his lip, to try to hide the fact it hurt like hell. It felt like a bunch of razor blades in his skin, obviously he would heal like nothing happened but pain still was a thing for him.

he hinced(?) as he felt the suction of dean drinking his blood. he watched dean, how desperate He was, for every single drop he could get to. In between deans feeding he mumbled sorrys. and apologies, castiel felt sorry.

He did everything he could to get every drop. his mind went blank as he drank away. he felt like he was on a whole another planet. It was so good.. so.. Good..

castiel would grab dean and put him on his lap, as he sat down. he rubbed deans head in an attempt to comfort him "..'ts alright, dean..take all you need." he said with a wide smile, he didn't mind, minus how painful it was. he forced a happy face.

Dean looked castiel in the eyes as his pupils turned red as well the blood he was drinking. he...Couldn't stop. He lost track of time he had no idea how long he'd been at this... and he didn't care. He needed this...

#sleepyinkic #cas and dean #spn fandom #castiel supernatural #destiel #dean and cas #dean winchester #spn #spn castiel #spn dean #castiel novak #deancas #casdean #supernatural #vampire stuff idk HELP #This is from a roleplay i did by myself in a discord server ^__^ #i'm sane abour them. Idk vampire dean brainrot

[hephaestuscrew]

Lady Miss Clara Entwhistle

'Miss Entwhistle' or 'Miss Clara Entwhistle' is said 93 times across Seasons 1 and 2 of Victoriocity. 'Lady [Clara] Entwhistle' is never said until S3E4. I'm obsessed with the fact that every time Clara has introduced herself or been referred to by name - every time she's been 'Miss' rather than 'Lady' - it's been a symbol for her of how she's building her own life, separate from her family and their expectations for her. She could have adopted a whole new name if she wanted to entirely disguise her aristocratic family ties, but she choose a more subtle shift.

Before she came to London, how many times had she walked into rooms she didn't want to be in and been announced as 'Lady Clara Entwhistle'? Did it feel strange to her at first, the switch to introducing herself without any hint at her father's Earldom? Or did it just feel right, her name finally able to stand on its own, like she was trying to? 

How many situations has Clara been in since moving to London where her title would have commanded respect and made things easier? How many people has she met who would have been impressed that she was a member of the aristocracy, who might have cooperated more quickly or revealed information more easily had they known? In the confrontation with Merrick in the House of Commons, for example, would there have been quite so much jeering and disbelief from the benches at the words of an Earl's daughter, as opposed to a random unmarried female journalist? But she's never played that card - it's never felt worth it to her.

When we first meet Clara as she enters London, she says "Well, my mother's occupation is... Lady, I suppose. And I am a journalist." Lady is a role which defines her mother, who is appalled by the idea of having an occupation. "Why couldn’t you just have married a duke, moved to Saxony and died of scarlet fever like your sister?" is funny in its ridiculousness, but it's also horrifying; Clara's mother would prefer a dead daughter than a daughter who is living the life Clara wants. That's something that must weigh on her, even when the ties are cut. Coming from an environment like that, it's no wonder if she sees a life of autonomy and independence as inherently incompatible with any acknowledgement of the role in society she was born into. So she goes by 'Miss', and she doesn't seem to talk about her aristocratic heritage, and still she's asking herself "what it means to be free, for birds or people"...

#Victoriocity #Victoriocity spoilers #Clara Entwhistle #I don't know why I've barely posted about Victoriocity Season 3 #Don't worry I am going insane about it... #Until the last ep it hadn't occurred to me that her mother being 'Lady Lucretia' might mean Clara would have a title other than 'Miss' #which I guess speaks to how she distances herself from that #as well as my ignorance of the structure of the aristocracy #Tbf according to my research if Clara's father had been a viscount or a baron #her mother would had the title 'Lady' but Clara wouldn't have #The daughters of viscounts and barons are referred to as 'The Honourable' #and daughters of baronets or knights are simply called 'Miss' #Anyway the insight into some of the difficult emotions and questions Clara is wrangling with under the surface in S3E4 was so good #I hope we get to dig into this a little more

[ruvviks]

we would sell anything just to buy who we're not // we kill our way to heaven

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

#tew #art #art:nathan #nuclearocs #nuclearart #ok so 1st of all: i'm sorry. no i'm not. yes i am. no #2nd of all: do not look at ruvik's scarring for too long i got lazy somewhere along the way #3rd of all: this piece takes place YEARS after the conclusion of both games. i have my own imaginary tew3 AND tew4. don't worry about it #4th of all: the way i see it is that eventually ruben's own appearance starts overwriting leslie's so he looks mostly like himself again #(just with hair and eyebrows and eyelashes. thanks leslie) #5th of all: yes i gave him a hearing aid the boy has survived a barn fire and part of his ear got burned away. it makes sense. to me #6th of all: yes i gave him pretty princess eyelashes and beautiful brown doe eyes and a nose bump. i will die on this hill #7th of all: when i designed nathan all those years back i did not even think about the color symbolism going on with his hair #which is now enhanced by the white patches in his eyebrow and eyelashes too. but yeah that's there now. much to think about! #and in this piece it's also in the clothing i gave them. didn't think about that either that just kinda happened. anyway #thank you for tuning in today i know i'm insane about these guys but like what can you do. sorry. bye #no wait hold on one more thing i made ruben taller than canon so he can hover over nathan like some victorian era skinny twinkish ghoul #not that nathan isn't a ghoul but. actually nathan is more ghoulish his base skin color is paler than ruben's. ok bye for real now #if you read all of that we will have a soft and bright late spring wedding with easily digestible food

[crossbackpoke-check]

Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman

part one | part two

#toronto maple leafs #HELLO EVERYBODY THIS HAS BEEN MONTHS!!! MONTHS IN THE MAKING BECAUSE i AM UNHINGED AND NEEDED THE PRECISE PICTURES THAT I KNEW I WOULD GET #like. seventy five percent of this has been done since the first time i posted this and while it has gotten better with time because #my narratives simply got more complex and there's so much of this that is For Me but don't worry i will explain but aLSO goddamn mitch coul #you have gotten married any later in the year. also willy you truly disappointed me by not getting an absurd haircut this year (now that #i've said this he's going to debut it on instagram like. tomorrow. but anyway that meant y'all got to enjoy my neuroses of #Loving Tyler Bertuzzi who is a goddamn leaf. the joys of having to wait to post this (was not a leaf at the time i started it) and anyway i #have at length i think had the breakdown about tyler in pigtails girl dad & how i got a bob & then tyler copied me which was rude. that's m #gender. ANYWAY starting from the top we got sheldon keefe documentation which was really just the personal decision that i wanted all the #coaching staff to be the markers in the poem/the bold & also at the TIME keefe hadn't re-signed &we thought it might be everybody out w/kyl #anyway the title of the scrap of an old lover's flannel is literally 'u think this is about sheldon & kyle NO it's about timothy liljegren' #bc. liljegren was on the marlies winning cup team & has had a contentious relationship w/keefe ever since & was healthy scratched in playof #& the narrative is sooooo. also at one point for the ryan o'reilly i was going to edit the stlb out of his grandma's shirt or cover it w/th #childhood dreams line but THEN i found the gio snapped stick one which was too perfect for 'crumbling copy' the ryan o'reilly To Me is so. #ur insane in ways u did not think for that one. like. how soft her hands were. his grandma you guys. he grew up a leafs fan. if he ever get #to lift the cup with her again i will lose my shit. the cup run a movie i remember nothing--OKAY the spezz one i knew i needed him stresse #but also i believe in the spezz/kyle narrative so. it comes up later don't worry ALSO SPEZZ FOLLOWING HIM TO PITT CAME AFTER I MADE THIS bu #the muzz tea one makes me a little sensy bc muzz was out with an injury for most of this season & it was a really scary spinal one & so yea #& then the simmer one just straight up makes me cry bc i love him so much & the work that he does for anti-racism in hockey means so much & #if you have that video open & watch it i promise you will cry i do every time it's so beautiful he had to be on comforted by beauty & sammy #boy is on the a man who doesn't know me because EYE remember the caps goalie tandems. baby lilya. the mo one is a little funny bc it is #solely due to wade's thread about mo rielly the coal miner homestead husband. that's why he moves to omaha also i think it suits him (quiet #OK NOW OLD MEN IN LOVE NARRATIVE this one's in contention for my fave bc it's spezz coping w/retirement fundamental meaningless of existenc #u heard abt tyler already that's for me the minchy picture was just too good i had found it earlier & i spent SO LONG looking for an empty #leafs rink picture for bathtub i have some cool construction photos but i wanted the melting ice ones (thought about tahoe lol) & the sprin #one i manip'd a lot bc i needed a spring picture bc playoffs clinch in spring & that one fit so coincidentally perfect bc it's 7 straight #seasons 7 guys so. :) & i KNEW i swore to god they did more milk advertising i knew i was gonna do this one from the minute i saw the poem #the milk patch & it took a hot minute BUT I FOUND THIS ONE this one's for funsies. AND THE PIC I WAITED SO FUCKING LONG FOR this is actuall #from kerf's wedding but i was like i know on god mitch is getting married this summer & that's about to be the drunkest shenanigans wedding #i'm waiting for the pics. & then i was BLESSED with this one which is beautiful & perfect & LOOK AT THEM. anyway the last one is bc

[kotoyin]

Good news gang I Processed Trauma™️

#mobile. #“pan what does that mean?” #it means maybe i can write again #in other news i am still going insane for interpersonal reasons don't worry about it i'm fine

[wolfoftonight]

I am enjoying making this style of photograph way too much

#skeleton!axo #turtle!awz #moth? #me? #digital art #fake photograph #look look at the details on the papers~ #the ones near Axo are pure writing because they're a writer #and the ones near Moth? are notes and diagrams #because I am insane and keep going on hour long tangents about how parts fit together #and Awz has comics and drawings #heeheeheeeeeee #ignore the fact that Awz is the only person who got shaded #I don't think I've ever shaded Moth? tbh #the fur just absorbs light and equalizes it #don't worry about it

[dazais-guardian-angel]

delighted that i'm so much more fond of chuuya at this point than i was just a couple years ago. it took the stormbringer play, the cannibalism play, and the fifteen manga (still haven't gotten to those two novels in their entirety, I Will Soon I Promise), it took 6ish+ years, but i can confidently say I Get It Now. Now i just need asagiri to break him (affectionate) in the manga and actually give him a character arc already <333

#i went through my own character arc okay i have Learned #still don't really get it from the pre-light novels era but i definitely get it now #he's actually written so well in those lns it's astounding. now fr if only that could be transferred to the actual manga *sigh* #if you can't tell i'm still so pissed and betrayed by the meursault arc. on all fronts lol but chuuya was one of the worst victims ughhhh #i may be hyped about this fyodor shit rn but do not mistake that as me forgetting how angry i still am over all that anticlimactic bullshit #happy birthday chuuya you really deserve so much better </3 #been thinking so much lately about what asagiri is planning for him. or if he's planning anything at all. the signs are so contradictory!!! #i know the fandom made him a huge thing from the early anime days when he probably wasn't meant to be more than an extreme side character #why? again i still don't understand (shipping. it's shipping okay; that's why i was always unfairly biased against him lmao) #but even if that's the case then he wrote the light novels that are SO GOOD so like!!!! #now there's buildup!!!! now there's expectations for him!!!!!! #you can't just never have verlaine and adam not come back in the story again at some point #in the same way that ango did from a light novel #and how oda HAS to be addressed by the end of the story #and all the lore bs in 55 minutes #just WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING WITH CHUUYA ASAGIRI. I NEED TO KNOWWWWWW #THE SIGNS ARE VERY WORRYING BUT IN A COMPELLING WAY AND I NEED THEM TO PAY OFF SO BADLY #me going literally insane lately over a character i still claim to not be one of my favorites. lmao

[amoneki-ramblings]

you’ve been gone for two weeks, did something happen? :(

not meaning to intrude btw

DW YOU'RE ALL GOOD !!

I was actually thinking of making a post about this because I also realized it's been a while; basically school has been kicking my ass Hard lately, so I haven't really had time to indulge in my tg hyperfixation (I even had to put another pause on reading the manga, even now I'm only typing this after finishing an essay draft orz)

Not to mention I've been getting slightly sidetracked with another hyperfixation, though with all the work I've been swamped with I haven't really had much time for content making either way, and I apologize greatly for that !! There are Ideas I've been wanting to get to all this time, I just need to take some time to really crackdown on my schoolwork, but once I get through it I'll be back on my bullshit /threat don't worry LOL

#asks #again really sorry about that !! #i felt kinda bad since my last post was literally someone marvelling about an amoneki fan in 2024 and then i just dipped :skull: #don't worry my tg hyperfixation isn't gone or anything like that btw I am still Insane i am just fighting Two Different Insanities now </3 #i've just been having my hands so full lately :') #(this week especially god i have like 2 projects and 2 tests this week it Sucks) #but don't worry !! i'm doing alright at least #hopefully that wasn't a super wordy explanationfshdjfbhfdlsbh #also sidenote but it's very touching that someone decided to check-in so thank you for that!! #it's really funny actually where i left off on the manga last it seemed like some Big Amoneki Shit was about to go down #so when i come back fully i promise i'll be back Screaming (and i'll probably have a 3 paragraph minimum post to make about it) #i'm just on a break for now !!

[slippery-minghus]

oh no. i feel like if i do not consume an entire load of bread in the very near future i will simply cease to exist.

#very uh. very worried about my finances right now #like. i'm fine. i have some savings. but i also just got to put something into my savings for the first time in a VERY long time and now #now i immediately have to take it out #and i'm getting stressed out about buying groceries #because if i dip into my savings here what about there? where is the line? #and i owe so much to taxes but i can't exactly afford getting less of my pay...... #my last paycheck was $0.66 more than my rent #my insurance is refusing to reimburse the last of my electrolysis visits from last year and like #i'm SO over the fight but that's $120. that i really actually kinda need? #and i'm starting to get that funny in the head feeling about wondering how i'm going to feed myself #i still feel so much shame about that funeral i went to years ago and my only thought during the reception after was about #how there was just so much food and i could actually eat my fill #i have leftovers for dinner tonight and it's fine but.... making a lovely vegan dish wasn't the best choice tbh #i feel like if i don't have a large helping of bread and meat i'm going to go insane #and it really REALLY doesn't help that i've apparently lost the ability to eat in the mornings #so i'm at quite a significant fuel deficit and it's stacking #but no matter how hungry i am in the morning the concept of processing solid food is just repulsive and daunting #eating a clif bar at 9am would take literally all of my spoons for the day #i was looking at protein shakes since i can handles *drinking* breakfast #but the cheapest one that meets my dietary requirements is $35 for a 12pack #and i'm uh. i'm worrying over spending $10 on produce this week #personal #and nevermind that i don't have the spoons to even GO shopping (: #(on an aside i switched back to my regular melatonin gummies last night and i Actually Slept. so hopefully that will continue and help some) #i just want to curl up in a ball on the floor and have someone gently place a roll of bread and hunk of cheese next to me in my enclosure #also it's photophobia season and i still feel like i haven't recovered from saturday #got too much sunlight and was nauseaus for half the day #my body feels so bad

[hoodieseasoned]

I've had this hermitcraft au idea absolutely infesting my brain for about a week now and normally with these things i just let them pass NOT because i don't want to write them but i just never have the energy for it

today, i sat down for the first time in like, maybe a year and wrote for like almost three hours straight,, tbh it was mostly just bullet points to frame out how i want to do this but i also ?? managed some short ??? scenes and dialogue ???????

i dont want to be overconfident bc there's still a big big chance I'll abadon this thing soon after i run out of energy but man,, it is pretty damn nice to be writing again

#hoodip #maybe it helps a little that I've combined hermitcraft with another one of my big big favorite interests #keeps the brainrot going #I've made a huge mistake in choosing my protagonists tho #i am so not confident with impulses character #and for some reason he's the first pov i chose to write #am having fun tho #can't wait to make him suffer #it's been 4 days and I've already given him trauma #don't worry tho he's in therapy it's fine #raahhhh i really want to push myself to make something out of this idea just so i can share the insanity #impulse my shining star.. #I've made him a horse girl I'm sorry #it will make sense tho #hopefully #if i don't end up ever posting about it again this will be a forever mystery #and i dont know if i can take that

[lexicals]

Cast on one hat, ran out of yarn, cast on another hat in the meantime while I get around to spinning more yarn for hat no.1 and am hoping that I don't also run out of yarn for hat no.2 as it is an xmas gift and I don't have any more fibre from this dye batch so I can't spin any more of it even if I wanted 😖

#wastepaper basket #knits #Yarn chicken holiday stress edition go #I'm already stretching it by doing the brim and pompom a different colour hopefully that will be enough lmao #But by the end of this I should have 2 handspun hand knitted hats so that's fun!! #Also yes I'm doing cabled colourwork on that first hat this is because I am an insane person. Don't worry about it

[i-am-just-a-skeleton]

Okay, to start off this is a vent post involving transphobia, mainly my own internalised transphobia, so if you'd like to avoid reading that I'd suggest skipping off now. Anyway. for anyone still here I apologise for the incoherence I just need to get this all out of my head a bit. The main thing is my dad. He's not... actively transphobic, I guess, but he is the main source of my current anxieties on this subject. Which are: I think I should detransition. I don't want to, but maybe I should. I can't tell if I want or not anymore because, maybe that will solve all this. It doesn't have to be an issue. If I was a cis guy, it wouldn't have to be an issue (or maybe it would, because I do like crossdressing and maybe I'm not entirely a guy anywa so I might still be trans anyway but anyway that doesn't matter because it's impossible), but we can't have that, so maybe it doesn't have to be anyway. If I detransition, and everything's fine, then we don't have to do anything and it all works out. And if I do feel utterly terrible then I can just go back as normal and everything will be fine. It's the logical approach to take, and it will solve all of this one way or another. Anyway. That's what it's all boiled down to, there are so many other things that play into this and I really ought to focus on untangling them all, probably. A lot of it comes from my dad, but a good bit of it's just me as well, like for some reason I have a much harder time accepting myself (and by extension other trans guys/afab trans people) and that's probably internalised mysogyny taking, the "of course everyone wants to be a man, and that's why you don't see this many trans women around now do you?" bit, and I don't really know what my own thoughts on everything are because I have both voices going in my head and all that comes out is just a mess of pain and stress and anxiety and anyway. I think I should detransition, because it seems like the easiest way to make at least a little bit of this go away, whichever way it goes.

#I... fuck #I really don't want to. It's not that much of a problem though #is it? #there' not much to change #just stop doing the testosterone shots (i've only been on it for a month it's not had any real effect yet) #change my name back #tell people to use she/her #don't even have to change the way I dress at all cause it's feminine enough as it is #I should. I don't even feel bad about it when I think about it logically #I'll do that #just have to go and actually tell people #very simple #I'll do it in the morning #(it's only 10 pm where I am #just clarifiying cause I know most of my mutuals are in timezones where it would be significantly later. #this isn't some kind of post-midnight insanity #I've been thinking about it for weeks and it's not even that late) #i think the inetention behind this post was for someone to convince me not to detransition #because it feels like the only way to stop worrying about things #but the stress of all this and thinking about actually telling anyone is making me feel physically ill #i can't fucking deal with this #help

[fooltofancy]

anyway basically The Man said i'll know this week if i get it and also that he's really hoping they can get someone in there by the twenty-fifth (lmao).

#hr willing etc #PARTNER FLYING OUT OF MINNEAPOLIS THE 28TH SO THAT'S NEAT #also. that's a week and a half to find a place and be moved in #plus working at least three more days #just post covid #still tested positive for covid this morning which isn't surprising but also hhhhhhh #no longer have symptoms at all #WOULD LIKE TO GO TO THE STORE #gonna double mask and still go to my post-op tomorrow because. please take the thread Out Of Me. #HAND STILL DOESN'T WORK EITHER #i'm probably gonna pack like. my bed my desk my tv my couch. and some clothes. #and then come back on weekends for a couple of weeks????? if i hear back with enough time #parents also coming next week #which if i AM moving will be good #because help #but also help. they are very good at moving but also very intense about moving and i am going to have to hide. so many of my books. #what's that box that's already packed???? DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT #txt.me #i feel very insane #FORGOT TO ASK ABOUT PAY WHY AM I STUPID #like even if they don't put me in for the $20/hr or whatever it's like $17 starting which will still be fine but also i have the Experience #for $20 #give it to me. #i am Vibrating. #playing comp so that i can put the insane resurgence of anxiety somewhere stupid (watching my winston solo-dive the enemy team repeatedly)

[cheezyharu]

I want to WORLD BUILD. I want to WRITE MY LITTLE GUYS. I want to DRAW MY GOOBERS. I want to GRIP SOMEONE BY THEIR SHOULDERS AND YELL AT THEM ABOUT MY WORLD. I am NOT born for THE SYSTEM RESTRAINING THIS WORLD FROM GREATER GOOD. GET ME OUT OF HERE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

#(I am going insane) #Ally's ramblings don't worry abt it #*cough* anyways I gotta go finish up my art portfolio now #shitpost #goddamn AP physics about to get my ass #and the school decide we should have an exhibition #THAT AFFECTS THE ART STUDENT'S GRADES

[unnamed-atlas]

Okay one thing I did not think I would be doing today was introducing my mother to ao3 and yet

#she made a joke about being upset about a league of their own getting canceled #and needing me to write some fanfiction of a second season bc she wasn’t ready to let go of the characters #and i went 'have you ever heard of archive of our own' #and i am not bullshitting you she had me send her the link to the shows tag on ao3 #passing the tradition of being so insane about The Character onto my mother #don't worry i warned her about all the gay smut #she responded enthusiastically. and i quote 'as long as they can use a semicolon and the oxford comma.' #english major behavior