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#HOLY SH- THAT WAS A LOT
whereismyhat5678 · 6 months
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I kept myself QUITE occupied after my test-
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THEY’RE ALL HERE!! ALL MY BLORBOS!!!
Here’s them individually:
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Love all these guys 🫶🫶 (Some more than the other but love ‘em’ none-a-less!!)
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ruubesz-draws · 2 months
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Father and son moment🤗
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gregoftom · 1 year
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TO ME, THAT’S CINEMA
#tomgreg#so i've seen this around a lot and ppl have already made points but like holy fuck. hoooly fuck lmao where do i begin#TOM THOUGHT THE ROOM WAS EMPTY FOR UH ... FOR WHAT BITCH??#empty for what. you two just going in there ALONE. what for. strategizing? ok but then why was greg showing you tonight's selection.#even if it was girls it's still sus bc like who tf goes specifically to a room to show that shit.#oh by the way i  listened again and tom says first ''why do we have to...'' so GREG asked for the room?#greg asked them to go to an empty room. slut.#anD THEN AFTER SAID ''I WANNA GIVE YOU'' BITCH!!!!!!!!1#are we sure it's girls though...... like does it say later. i'll keep watching but Christ. LIKE. WHAT THE FUCK#how am i supposed to read this other than an affair lmfao and then he says ''go on'' and sends greg off away like a little pet#sick to bastard death of them god#so it's like. greg says can we go somewhere private and tom says why do we have to#greg says i wanna give you... and tom says what do you wanna give me annoyed like#girl we are at work and we are trying to stay alive can't you wait til we are at home for me to clap them cheeks#and then greg says a preview of tonight's selection...  of what? could be alcohol could be sexy stuff could be mf. clothes idk#and then they look up  like O FUCK the room is in use and it's fucking SH*V and immediately tom is like GO ON and greg#doesn't even stutter or say anything like usual he's just like SORRY and leaves immediately bc he KNOWS he gotta gtfo#sorry i'm just. poetic cinema indeed
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spamtondoingthings · 2 years
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spamton screaming “SPORTS” before bashing a complete stranger in the face with a soccer ball
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ocg-hub · 4 months
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🚗 CAR — does your oc have a driver's license? can they drive/operate any automobiles/machinery besides cars?
✈️ AIRPLANE — does your oc like traveling, or do they consider themselves a more homey person?
🎮 VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER — what are three of your oc's favorite hobbies?
💍 RING — does your oc have any piercings? do they want any (more) piercings?
📚 BOOKS — what level of education has your oc most recently completed/is currently in (GED, undergraduate, grad school, phd, etc)?
🎻 VIOLIN — does your oc play any instruments? what is their skill level (beginner/intermediate/advanced/virtuoso/etc)?
🩹 ADHESIVE BANDAGE — does your oc have any physical and/or mental disabilities?
🩸 DROP OF BLOOD — what is your oc's blood type?
"..."
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{ 🚗 CAR }
Edelweiss: "Well... I do have a driver's license. How else would I be able to drive my own car?"
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{ ✈️ AIRPLANE }
Edelweiss: "I've never considered traveling. Day in, day out is always work."
14: "I'm pretty sure... We can just... Play travelling..."
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{ 💍 RING }
Edelweiss: "I'm not a fan of piercings"
14: "I do! Staplers are good for sticking things."
Edelweiss: "But isn't the fabric your..-"
14: "Moving on!"
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{ 📚 BOOKS }
Edelweiss: I have a PHD in Biology, Biochemistry, and Chemistry...
14: Oh I know all about [ DATA EXPUNGED ]
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{ 🎮 VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER }
Edelweiss: "Hobbies? Well I've... Taken in cooking and photography to pass the time. That counts right?"
14: "I have a lot of hobbies! But theatre is my favorite!"
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{ 🎻 VIOLIN }
Edelweiss: "I uh... Used to play percussions... Maybe drums??"
14: "I can do anything! ... Except the wind instruments."
Edelweiss: "Yes... You are bad at it."
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{ 🩹 ADHESIVE BANDAGE }
Edelweiss: "I uh... I got chronic back pains so I have to procure medicine for that."
14: "Hmm..."
Edelweiss: "What?"
14: "Nothin'"
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{ 🩸 DROP OF BLOOD }
Edelweiss: "Weird question but it's O positive."
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Guide to Technician Ability Modes - Parasol Mode
“Using this thing is a workout… I’ll get used to this, but Robobot, what the heck were you thinking when you designed this?”
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"Become the wind and take a gander in the sky! Use Parasault to fly high above the ground, picking up flight speed the longer you stay in the air. Your body weight moves this glider around as the copters can damage anyone above you. Feeling the breeze feels nicer with this mode too, so enjoy things to the fullest!"
Weapon Information:
The Virtual Copter Glider is a contraption consisting of several sticks connected to each other. The top of it is a copter that can spin for an extremely long time. This contraption has some weight to it. Due to Kirby being much lighter than Robobot Armor, this mode allows for infinite flight. The copter is activated by pulling the sides of the glider handle once, and deactivated by pushing them back to default setting. Pulling the sides twice will cause the copter parts to be dispatched to attack foes.
Skill List:
Parasault - Pulls the sides of the glider handle, activating the parasol-like blades to spin quickly, allowing flight. Unlike Robobot Armor’s Parasol Mode variant, this skill takes its time to build up speed and deals less damage upwards, but has higher flight range and can fly indefinitely. Paraslam - Turns the glider upside down, before canceling Parasault midair by pushing the sides of the glider handle back to normal, causing a quick fall that creates wind beneath it. The descent is faster but deals less damage, and the weapon stays intact no matter what. Copter Kamikaze - Pulls the sides of the glider even further, which charges and releases the copter parts for a swarm attack. This attacks all opponents on both air and ground randomly. Using this will discard the mode.
Note: -Ability Modes that Kirby has may differ from Robobot Armor in terms of skillsets and weaponry, as both are considered separate
RETURN TO THE FOREWORD HERE
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I can't go to bnha fandom outside of tumblr, because Izuku slander is too much for me...
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hi. i probably won't draw for a while because kirby is enriching me but if you slide drawing prompts in my enclosure i miiight draw 🥺🥺🥺
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wabblebees · 2 years
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.
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islenskihesturinn · 2 years
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New riding leggings have pocketses, my precious, yeees
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toastshark · 1 year
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:D?
(For context I draw most of the requests on the same canvas, this one currently holds 23 finished requests drawings)
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paigebueckersmommy · 1 month
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vacation - p.b
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paige bueckers x reader (uconn wbb player)
warnings: p eating , nipple sucking
a/n: this is super short im sorry
the team had gone on a vacation, to reward them for all their hard work. you and paige’s relationship had been on the dl for months, but kk, ice, and azzi knew. you and paige were especially close with ice and kk, so you four were sharing a hotel room.
you had just gone to dinner, it being a semi nice place paige was wearing baggy low rise cargo pants and a white tank top. you and paige were lying on your bed, ice and kk on theirs. a text got sent to the group chat by nika. ‘hey guys we have board games if u guys wanna come play with us.’
kk looks at you, and you glance at paige. “u guys coming?” ice says as her and kk start walking out. “uh no i think we’re gonna go to sleep we’re tired” you say knowing what you and paige were both thinking. “hmmm okay just no monkey business.” ice says smirking.
ice closes the door, paige smirking as she watches the door close. when it’s finally all the way shut, paige crawls on top of you, kissing you passionately. “i missed this,” paige said thru kisses. you guys have had no alone time in almost 3 days, which for you and paige was a lot.
she began to take off her tank top, then begging to take off your sweater. you slid out from under her, Paige laying where you just were and your now straddling her. you press a kiss to her colorboke earning a gasp from paige. you start to unbotton her pants, kissing down paige’s neck and reaching a her tits as paige lets out a deep moan as you latch your mouth onto her tit.
you place yourself in between her legs, placing kisses all over her thighs and lower stomach, the black fabric covering her pussy soaked. “p-please-“ paige manages to breath out. “i-i’ll be g- ohh” paige says mid sentence when you quickly pull her panties to the side licking a stripe up her. you flatten your tongue against her throbbing cunt, earning pornographic moans from paige. “sh-shitt baby,”
you swirly your tongue around paige’s walls, earning loud moans from paige. “baby our team is in the next room over, do you really want them to hear?” you say, bringing your face up for one second. “no-no baby i’ll be good i swear,” paige says out of breath. “good.” you say bringing your face back to her cunt. “fuck i’m close,” paige says just seconds after you go back down. paige’s moans heaven as you continue to eat her out with your nose hitting her clit the way that she liked. “holy fuck right there,” paige says as your feel her clenching around you.
as paige, releases, her eyes are clenched shut with pleasure. you try to lick up all of paige’s juices, and looking at the big wet spot on the white hotel conforter before smirking at her, and coming up to kiss her.
she’s still breathless, holding herself up on her elbows, as you admire her naked toned body. she moans into your mouth in a deep kiss.
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brodieland · 2 months
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.˚ 𓈒 ࣪.𝝑𝝔 always matching, now the matched ´ˎ˗
Percy Jackson x Fem!Eros!Reader Synopsis: A road trip with Percy already left you spinning, now you got a dream from Eros to decipher Warning(s): guys I said the f word lock me upp Word Count: 2061 Part 1
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It's been about a week since you and Percy brought over 7 year old Delilah back to camp. It's been about a week since those excruciating long hours stuck in a car. And it's been about a week since those late night talks with Percy, where you opened up like you never had with anyone.
You've felt... awkward? You didn't really know what it was, but ever since the little road trip your recurring dreams of your mom depressed over your dad have stopped. You hadn't seen Percy around as much, he'd been pretty busy doing head counselor duties. So was Piper, since she was also a head counselor.
You walked out your cabin and saw little Delilah sitting alone in front of the Hermes cabin. Since arriving she hadn't been claimed yet, you could tell she might've been a little sad about it, but that was normal for lots of campers. Sucks but it is what it is. You made your way over, "Hey Delilah, you feeling okay?"
"I'm okay, I just miss my dad," she frowned. You weren't really sure how to comfort someone when it comes to their dad, but you did your best.
"Your dad told me your like gardens," that seemed to catch her attention. "Wanna get some strawberries together?"
She smiled wide and nodded fast. You picked her up piggy-back style and skipped over towards the strawberry fields. "Woahh."
"Woah indeed," you said as you plopped her back down. You followed behind her as she roamed through the rows of strawberries. When she sat down by a bush, you sat next to her as you both enjoyed some strawberries together. "Taste good right?"
"Super," she giggled. "Y/N?"
"Yes?"
"Is Percy your boyfriend," Delilah ask. You let out a tense chuckle, you were definitely caught off guard.
"Oh uh, no. He's not my boyfriend. I don't have a boyfriend."
"Oh okay," she frowned. "He looks like he likes you, you know."
You couldn't tell if it was the summer sun or Delilahs teasing, but you were starting to sweat. Crushes weren't something you'd ever have, to be fair they were something you'd sworn off. And as far as you were concerned, people weren't really having crushes on you. "No he doesn't, we're just close friends."
"There you are," speak of the devil. "I've been looking everywhere for you."
And there he was, Percy! "Wow, haven't seen you in a minute."
"I've been busy being important," he joked as he took a seat next to you and Delilah. "Hey there Delilah."
He held out his fist which she bumped, "Hi Percy!"
"So whatcha guys talkin about?"
"Oh nothing!"
"Okay don't tell me," Percy dragged while looking at you up and down. Before you could say anything Delilah let out a loud and content sigh.
"Guys, look! I did something to the strawberries, taste them now," she handed you both a strawberry and they may have been the best strawberries you've ever tasted.
"Holy sh-" you smacked Percy's arm before he finished his sentence. "Ow."
"You'll be so okay its not even funny," you and Delilah laughed.
"Anyways," Percy continued. "How'd you do that?"
Before Delilah could answer, wheat, daisies and poppies appeared over her head. She was getting claimed by Demeter. The little girl started jumping up and down as she pulled you and Percy into a group hug. While in the hug, you saw Percy looking into your eyes and your mind just went blank. Before you knew it Percy stood up, grabbing Delilah in his arms, "Lets take you to met your siblings yeah?"
"Yeah!" Percy treated the younger campers so well, it made your heart melt. You stood by the Demeter cabin's door as Percy left Delilah with her new siblings, watching her fit in immediately. As you watched Percy, you remembered something he said, 'I knows there's someone out there ready to love you, trust me.'
What did he mean by that? You and Percy were walking side by side out of the Demeter cabin. You didn't realize how long you were quiet for before he broke the silence. "You there? Why're you so silent?"
"Oh," you stammered. "It's nothing."
"You know you can tell me anything right? There's no reason for you to be nervous or something."
You paused for a second. "When we got back. You said something, you told me there was someone out there ready to love me, and you looked so serious. What was that supposed to mean?"
You turned just to see him smiling down at you. Before you registered anything Percy just ran his hand through your hair and just draped it over your shoulders, holding you close for a second. "Cupid really is just a nickname, not a real title. Hmm?"
You just tilted your head as Percy excused himself, claiming to still have more jobs to attended too. After a couple of hours, it was curfew time, so you headed back to your cabin to get some sleep. The dreams were back, but this was different. It was new, and it didn't have anything to do with your mom any more.
You stood in the middle of an empty beach. No, not just any beach. It was the one at camp. As you looked around and realized it wasn't so empty. You saw a girl sitting by herself watching the sunset, when a boy made his way over. They started talking, though they were too far away to pick up on what they were saying. The closer you got, the more familiar they looked.
It was you and Percy. It was you and Percy the day you met.
Suddenly the setting changed and it was dark out. You turned around and saw orange and red colors blazing in the campfire. And who were the only people there? You and Percy. It was the day you both couldn't stop burning your marshmallows. You remember this, he almost burned your finger.
The scene changed again, and again, and again. They were all past memories of you and Percy throughout all the time you've known him. Right now you were watching the late night talk in the car with him.
One last time, you're back at the strawberry fields, watching you and Percy stare into each others eyes. Fast forward, now you're watching him pull you close. Why were you seeing this?
You and Percy disappeared, but you stayed back in the middle of camp. You looked around, but saw nothing.
"I know what you want, my girl." "People don’t change, not really."
"Who are you," you called out.
"I've been watching you. You're quite the stubborn one aren't you?"
You stoped moving for a second, "Dad?"
"Why are you denying love for yourself? Why aren't you allowing yourself to enjoy something like love?"
"You saw what you did to mom, why would I let myself fall in love like that," anger started to seep into your voice.
"Oh my dear. How naive you are, love is a natural force. As natural as fear, it cannot be avoided as much as you try."
Your breathing started getting faster, you started hearing Eros' voice come closer from behind you. When you turned around, you saw something flying towards you.
It was an arrow, landing straight in your heart.
You sat straight up in your bunk, covered in sweat. You were breathing hard as you looked around, making sure you didn't wake anyone else up. You checked your window and saw it was still dark out, probably uaround 3AM. You quietly slipped out of your bed and made your way to the bathroom. You stood there staring at yourself in the mirror.
An arrow landed straight through your heart. Your heart started beating faster, the sweating getting worse. 'Love is as natural as fear', you've never felt love, and all you're feeling right now is fear. You didn't want to end up like your mom. You know what Eros was saying when he was showing all the memories with Percy. And you didn't want to say it out loud. You looked down and saw your hands shaking. You took a deep breathe before heading back out and go to bed. Keeping yourself up wasn't going to make you feel better, so you just fell back asleep.
The next morning you woke up by getting violently shaken awake. "Hello???"
You groaned as you sat up, meeting with a pair of beautiful sea-green eyes. "Finally your up, you missed breakfast you know."
"Oh-" you started stammering over your words. That dream really messed with your mind. You really needed a shower, the sweating was getting out of control. You may have had a problem.
"Y/N, are you okay? You look a little.. red? Are you sick," Percy asked as he brought his hand and placed it on your forehead. You swatted it away and quickly made your way to the bathroom, again.
"I'm fine," you ran into the door, and Percy just couldn't help but stare at you confused. You just opened it and locked it behind you, hoping to wash off your embarrassment in the shower.
You wanted to spend the rest of the day avoiding everyone. Everywhere you walked, you saw a spot from your dreams, or a spot you made memories with Percy. Percy. Stupid Eros. You decided to just ignore the dream, put a bathing suit on and relax by the beach. The sound of the ocean calmed you, no matter how much they reminded you of Percy. Or maybe that's why you liked them so much.
As you sat with your knees to your chest, you saw a shadow looming from behind you. You didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know whose toned figure was approaching behind you.
"Hey Percy," he took a seat next to you, mirroring the way your sat.
"Hey Y/N," he greeted as he stared out toward the ocean. You both sat in silence enjoying the scene in front of you. "What's up with you?"
You were quiet, feeling conflicted on whether or not telling him of your dream. "Getting over your fears isn't as easy as people say."
One thing you love about talking with Percy, is that he just listened. Never asked a million questions, or cut you off, or made you feel any less when you opened up. He just listened.
Love. You just said love.
"I had a dream," you turned to see him looking at you, eyes encouraging you to continue. "It was Eros, he was trying to tell me something. I mean the message was pretty clear, he shot an arrow through my fucking heart."
You chuckled and Percy looked a little confused. "It scared me."
"Wanna talk about the rest of the dream?"
You watched the waves for a moment before continuing. "It just started with a bunch of memories of us, from when we first met to now. He called me naive. Naive, for thinking I can avoid falling in love. It's funny, that's what I called everyone else in love. Naive."
"What are you saying," Percy asked softly.
"I'm saying, to be in love is to be dumb and afraid. And I'm stupid and terrified," your eyes started stinging, though nothing fell out. "You know, my brain just goes blank when I look at you. I think I'm going a little crazy."
Percys put his legs in criss-cross apple sauce and turned directly to you. He held his arms out for you. You hesitated before going close and laying into Percy's chest. "Sounds like you might just be in love."
"With you," you whispered into Percy's chest.
"Hmm?"
"With you," you sat up and looked into Percy's face. "I'm in love with you, Percy. You told me to trust you, to trust you that someone was ready to love me. Did you mean you?"
He smiled, "I'm glad your not actually that dense." You just rolled your eyes, "Yeah, I was talking about me."
"Your not gonna disappear on me are you?"
"You couldn't pay me enough," you laughed softly at his answer.
"Can you, just, kiss me already," lots of things can change in less than two weeks.
One whose fear is someone she loves leaving her behind. Another whose fatal flaw is loyalty. What a pair.
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faeriekit · 2 months
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Snow Day
SO IT TURNS OUT @tourettesdog also had a far-frozen based Phic Phight prompt so here's a sister fic of Snowdrift Sanctuary from yesterday okay please and thank you
Tundra peeked around the pillar of ice. Again.
The human was still there.
…Tundra peeked left. Tundra peeked right. No one else had seen them yet.
The human, in a big coat and big boots was squatting in the snow, drawing shapes Tundra couldn’t make out with their finger.
Tundra’s tail wagged. Well. He didn’t have a very long tail, so he mostly butt-wiggled. There’d never been a human at the Far Frozen before!! Tundra had heard of humans — he’d seen depictions and heard stories, sure. But now a human was here. And they lived here.
That was so cool.
So, maybe Tundra wanted to say hi! So what? Mama had said that he should be nice to the human, since they needed help and shelter that the Chief would provide, but they were also new and interesting and they hardly ever had anyone stay with them who wasn’t a yeti ever!! Maybe they’d let Tundra play with them while they were here?
So Tundra got down on his haunches. He crawled over the snowbank, wriggling as he went, taking advantage of his coat that blended into the terrain.
The human didn’t see him at all.
Tundra bared his teeth in a play grin, eyes squinting, tongue caught between his teeth. The human was so close. He crouched down as far as he could. He waited until the human wasn’t looking.
Tundra pounced.
And then there was a flash of green burning through the air, hot and bright and loud. Tundra startled.
He landed in the snow, dazed and off-balance. He could feel a hot spot in his fur—putting his paw to it, Tundra could feel where his fur was burnt to singed ends, the tips of each hair bulbous with char.
There was a steaming hole in the snow behind him.
…Oh.
“HOLY SH—are you okay?? Did I hurt you?? I’m sorry!!” someone shouted. Someone gently turned Tundra’s head, careful not to move him too harshly or too quickly. “Is your head okay? Are you bleeding? Is—“
“…Cool.” Tundra muttered, eyes still stuck to the hole in the snow. That was so strong. Even Avalanche wasn’t that strong, and she beat everyone in the tournament last season. No wonder the chief was in charge of the human ghost, even if there were lots of adults willing to help.  
“Sorry, I’m so sorry,” the human apologized again, hands on their flat, pink face. Huh. Their hair was white now. When did that happen? “Usually when ghosts sneak up on me, they’re, uh… they’re not usually playing.”
Tundra looked at the human’s flat face and frowned. They got attacked? For real, and not for playing? “That’s mean. I hope you got them.”
The human made a strangled noise. Super weird! “Yeah…yeah. I did.”
“Good,” Tundra decided, back straightening straight up. The human was about as tall as he was, but humans were smaller in general. They were probably older. “If anyone attacks you now, you should get the Chief to eat them, and then they won’t attack you anymore.”
The human made another choked noise. Tundra assumed it was a laugh. He grinned back, pleased with the response, and wriggled back upright. “I’m Tundra! Mama says that you’re older than me even though we’re just as tall as each other! Are you a boy human, or a girl human? Or neither? Or both?!”
“…I’m a boy,” the human said, voice weak. Tundra peered in close at him, trying to see if he’d been injured too, but no; he looked fine, and he got his black hair back too.
“Cool,” said Tunda. “So am I. Arctic is too, but he’s big already, so he doesn’t want to play all the time. Do you like hunting?”
“I’ve…never hunted before.”
Not ever? Tundra gasped. “We can play chase, then, and then the chief can teach you how to hunt! And then we can hunt together!” Tundra scrambled to his feet, excited. “Do you want to stalk Avalanche with me?! She always throws me off, and then we can wrestle!”
The human hesitated.
“Or,” Tundra amended, because the human was still kind of small, “You can watch me stalk Avalanche, and watch us wrestle, and then I can teach you to stalk the chief so that you can wrestle with someone you know is safe.”
The human snorted, the fur cuff from his sleeve hiding his face. “I don’t know…isn’t he busy? You know, being the chief and all…””
“You’re supposed to wrestle your parents,” Tundra assured him, chest fur puffing up with pride. “I used to chew on Mama’s ears all the time when I was a cub. Now Avalanche and Arctic and everyone else can wrestle with me because they’re big enough to know how to stop playing before they squash me flat.”
The human laughed, openly and brightly, and it sounded nice.
Tundra stood so that could he could launch himself back towards the settled part of their little patch of the Infinite Realms. “Come on!!” he shouted, more than eager to play. “Last one there doesn’t get any fish eyes!”
There was a moment of silence—and then they were both rolling in the snow, the human having decided to launch into him!! This was great!! Tundra whooped, feigning bites and wriggling while the human pushed him further into the depths of the snow. The human’s grin was kind of wide and weird without a muzzle, but that wasn’t his fault, and he was having fun!! And so was Tundra!!
And the human-ghost could fly, and Tundra couldn’t, so chasing after him was super fun. They made it all the way back to the settlement in no time flat, dodging other kith and kin—
And running into Mama and Chief Advisor Pritla on accident was worth how much trouble he got into later.
Whoops!
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kinopio-writes · 4 months
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Hello! Could you write platonic Dad!Adam headcanons? Thank you,
A/N: Lol. Don’t expect too much out of this guy because…it’s Adam. Heavily focused on him rather than the reader, sorry. Also, I might have gone a little overboard with this one because, uh, this was supposed to be only headcanons as you said, and the not-requested ‘drabble’ ended up being a few scenarios with a one-on-one convo with Adam and Sera at the end. 3rd POV and the reader is referred to as they/it, btw. Enjoy.
Holy sh!t I reread your request again and I don’t know if you meant that the reader is supposed to be the child or fuuuuuuuu—tell me if that’s not what you wanted, I had fun writing this nonetheless.
Words: 727 (not including the bullet points)
Warnings: Very vulgar language because I kind of adapt to certain types of writing depending on the characters, Sex is mentioned, Adam being Adam
———
How Adam would be as a Father (Reader is the child)
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• first things first, the only way I can see Adam become a dad was because he accidentally impregnated a chick when she fucking swore that, oh, no, Adam, I’m on birth control. Oh, don’t worry, Adam, you don’t have to finish in my mouth. Oh, no need, Adam, I’ve got it covered. Oh, it’s okay, Adam—yes, this is Adam mocking her
• so imagine his surprise when he found a fucking child at his doorstep crying like a little bitch (it’s a child, dude)
• “What the fuck?” was his first reaction
• he’d find a note that said something-something about oh who gives a fuck about her and her sob story about having to leave the child in his care?
• what mattered was—“THAT FUCKING BITCH LIED TO ME!”
• after that whole ordeal, he would sit in his gigantic ass living room, slumping on his couch with arms crossed and grumbling complaints as if he was the child
• now, don’t tell me this guy knows anything about being a father
• because he doesn’t
• the first few weeks he would really just let someone else take care of the kid
• Lute would be the caretaker most of the time since she’s around Adam a lot
• the problem was that she’s an exterminator
• she wasn’t made for this (I headcanon that exterminators are entirely different beings that are created and are not exactly classified as angels. Explains why all the exterminators are women)
• her purpose was to kill sinners and she certainly didn’t have babysitting on her list of skills
• so eventually, the responsibilities would fall back on Adam
• of course, he had attempted to get in contact with the woman
• he came back with nothing
• wait, nothing? Holy shit, he left the baby—
• and, if you’re wondering, I don’t think Heaven has adoption centers or whatnot because everyone is responsible when they’re thinking of having a child *ahem ahem*
• but, hey, how hard would looking after a child would be?
• probably accidentally dropped the kid once before
• will get mad that he can’t do his guitar solos because they would start to cry even louder
• has probably nearly suffocated it by leaving a pillow in their crib (edited in because this just came to me)
• doesn’t know how to hold it properly
• eventually got it right by observing some of Heaven’s residents
• thinks he’s the best dad because of it
• speaking of residents, they most likely don’t know that the first man has a child
• dude, you really think he’d be caught dead with a kid?
• nuh-uh
• sometimes forgets he has a kid
• have left it in his—I headcanon—condominium completely unattended sometimes
• so, uh, yeah…not looking good for Adam here
let’s get on with the scenarios, shall we?
———
Adam covered his ears with his silk pillows, trying to muffle the sounds of that brat’s whining.
“Ugh! Shut up, Shut up!” Of course, it didn’t shut up.
He banged his head on the pillow repeatedly, swearing he was going to fucking throw this fucking child off the fuCKING BALCONY IF IT DOESN’T SHUT UP—
He had enough and went over to the crib in the corner of his bedroom, snarling. “Y’know, since your mommy was such a quiet whore you’d expect the brat to act the same. She should’ve been honored that she even got my dick. Mine. And this is how she fucking repays me?” The child in question looked up at their father, their cries coming to an eventual stop as he rambled on and on. “Finally.”
The moment he left their sight, however, they started to cry once more.
“OH MY GOD—”
———
Adam arrived home tired as shit balls.
“Not fucking now, bitch,” he dismissed when they reached for him from their place in the crib as he flopped himself on his king-sized bed. At least it wasn’t crying. Rather, it was babbling and flailing its hands and feet. While it was a nice change, it was still annoying to listen to.
Eventually, he decided to shut it up and lazily dragged himself over to the crib, picking it up in his hands and setting it near his shoulder.
“Ugh, there there. Or whatever.” He idly patted the child’s back, plopping back on his bed.
Surprisingly, the kid soon fell asleep without further complaints, nuzzling into their father’s comfortable robe.
Ugh, rude. It fell asleep before he could bitch about his day as he usually did. Instead, he grumbled his own day to himself, his eyelids growing heavy as time passed by.
Adam later dozed off with the baby in his arms, snoring loudly as his wings wrapped around him and the child in his seldom peaceful slumber.
———
The living room was dark. Heaven’s natural light poured through his open windows and the TV played a movie that was most definitely not suited for young audiences. At least it wasn’t anything sexual. Heaven forbid.
In the midst of the oddly serene environment that is Adam’s residence, holy light flashed from beside his couch and the tall figure of Sera appeared. Adam instantly turned the TV off.
“Adam, pardon my intrusion. You still haven’t submitted your forms and they were due yesterday—” Sera interrupted herself when her eyes landed on the baby next to the first man.
“Sera, what gives? Can’t you see I’m busy? Where’s your sense of privacy? Jeez.”
“Adam, is that a child?” she asked rather accusatorily.
“Ugh, yeah, so what?”
“I didn’t think you would—where’s your wife?” She brushed her hair back behind her shoulder, her brows furrowed. “Um, I figured that after Lilith and Eve—”
“Pshh, you’d think this guy would settle down for anyone? Puh-lease. Imagine a world where you can’t fuck the original dick. Worse than any nightmare you could ever dream of.” Adam averted his gaze as his shoulders tensed up.
“So you care for this child alone? By yourself?” Sera looked more worried than ever, which Adam instantly latched on to.
“Are you doubting me? I started humankind—I know what I’m doing.” He settled his arms on the headrest, legs raising to rest on the coffee table as he gave a lazy shrug.
“How long have you kept this child?”
“What’s with all the questions? Uh, I dunno, more than two months, I guess?”
“What is its name?”
“Oh, uh…” Shit. He didn’t really think about that. He only kept calling it ‘kid’ or ‘brat’. “Adam Jr!” he blurted out the first thing that went through his mind. “Yeah, that’s right, everyone would immediately know that this kid is from me, Adam.”
Sera only narrowed her eyes. “Very well. I’m surprised you managed to keep this hidden from me. The child—”
“Adam Jr.”
“…Adam Jr. seems to be doing fine in your hands. But raising a child is no easy feat, Adam.” She took a deep breath in and closed her eyes momentarily. “We will have our discussion regarding your work tomorrow. Have a good night.”
As the seraphim was engulfed with holy light once more, vanishing as quickly as she came, Adam was left to think if the hassle was really worth this brat.
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steddiecameraroll · 4 months
Text
“Is that a pie?” Steve questions as he plops down next to Eddie at the small cafe table.
“Banana cream,” he smiles wide, a small dollop of whipped cream on his upper lip. “Want some?”
“Why do you have an entire pie? And yes, I do.” Eddie grabs one of the plastic silverware packs resting on the table, and flicks it to Steve.
“Why not?” He shrugs like it’s painfully obvious.
“Fair.” Steve pops the fork through the plastic while Eddie pushes the pie between them.
“How’s work?” Eddie asks while Steve takes his first bite.
“Mmmmm, holy shit that hits the spot.” Steve moans as his eyes roll in the back of his head in absolute pleasure.
“That’s wh’t sh’ said,” Eddie mumbles through a bite.
“What?” Steve opens his eyes, catching Eddie with a fading blush on his cheeks.
“Uh, that’s-that’s what she said?” He ends his sentence in a question as if he began to doubt himself toward the end.
“Well,” Steve replies casually before dipping his fork back into the pie. “I have also been someone who’s said that, from time to time. So it’s also what he said.” Steve raises his eyebrows before shoving his fork into his mouth.
Eddie stares in confusion, letting Steve’s words roll around in his brain. Steve watches as Eddie clearly tries to piece a puzzle together in his mind.
Just as Steve is going to give the man a break and change the subject, Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up and his mouth drops open. A sly smirk spreads across Steve’s face and he taps Eddie’s chin with two fingers.
“You might wanna close that or you’re gonna catch flies, pretty boy.”
Robin comes from around the corner and plops into the empty seat across from Eddie, inspecting the half eaten pie.
“What’s wrong with him?” She motions to Eddie as she dips her finger into the whipped cream.
“I broke him.” Steve smiles with a twinge of self satisfaction.
“How?” She grabs another packet of silverware and rips it open trying to free the fork. “Wait…don’t answer that. It has something to do with this pie doesn’t it?”
“And the noises I make,” Steve leans back and crosses his legs.
“Ew,” she scrunches her face before diving her fork into the middle of the pie.
“Can I…? Do you…?” Eddie doesn’t even recognize Robin’s presence.
“Jesus, he’s pathetic,” Robin says with her mouth full.
“Are you offering to help?” Steve says with a smidge of condescension.
Eddie nods eagerly.
“Bring the pie,” Steve slides his chair out abruptly and stands up, moving quickly to the parking lot.
Eddie slams the cover over the pie and scrambles behind Steve.
“HEY! I was eating that, you perverts.” Robin throws her arms up in frustration.
coffee? ☕️🍩💕
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