#I COULD probably fix that but it's not in my wheelhouse so I can't be bothered | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

masterqwertster · 7 months

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🏴‍☠️ Laudna and Imogen or Ashton, whichever you prefer

Prompt Now that I've released the set-up for a "pirate" AU, let's have some fun with specific characters

Imogen doesn't usually retreat to the Green Cabin when she needs space.

The converted Captain's Quarters belongs mostly to Ashton, the rocks and soil keeping the Titan blooded genasi from going too stir crazy on a ship far from their element, and a little bit to Orym and Fearne, both keeping the plants growing within happy and healthy.

But usually her mother (who left never to return before Imogen could even remember her) isn't on her ship and necessitating a locked door to get the hint that she doesn't want to talk to her.

"Just say the word and this smuggling job never happened," Ashton says from where they lounge against their favorite dirt pile, eyes never leaving the grinding, rasping metal file they're taking to their nails.

"I do not want to murder my mother," Imogen insists, for once not entirely sure who she's trying to convince, and picks up the speed of her pacing.

"Then what do you want? Because right now, it looks like you're searching for floorboards the hard way in here," he says mildly, miss-matched eyes flicking up to track her for a moment.

Imogen groans in frustration flopping down next to the genasi. It's a fucking marvel that it feels like falling against a stack of pillows, and the brief thought of what kind of Titan bullshit they must pull to make it so wanders through her mind.

"I think what I want is for her to respect that I'm the fuckin' captain of this ship and not the toddler she left for whatever the fuck she thinks she's doin' that's gonna fix the whole mind readin' mess better than my circlet does," Imogen finally vents.

"Can't really help with that," Ashton shrugs, putting the file down on a spread cloth and picking up a bottle of rock polish. "Mind shit is yours and Letters's wheelhouse."

"I know. And even then, it's not like we can force people to change their minds. Plus she's probably better at it than me anyways," Imogen complains. "I just– It should not be too much to ask that she look at me and see an adult capable of makin' my own decisions, ya know? 'Cause I am capable. Got a whole ship to call my own to prove that I'm so capable."

"Laudna needs to find more words to describe you than 'capable' if you're going to start in on it too," Ashton muses.

"You take that back," she says in all mock seriousness as she shoves their arm for the slight against her girlfriend, equally gratified and annoyed when they choose to sway with the force that couldn't actually move them.

"I don't think I will," he deadpans, soldiering on before she takes it into a spiraling distraction of faux pettiness. "You want her to see something other than what she thinks she sees, you're going to have to shock her. Hard. Like the mutiny, when the fucker realized I could have sunk this ship the moment I decided I was fine going down with it."

Imogen shudders at the memory. The bloody battle of the mutiny had been scary enough for a back country witch-girl that barely knew what she was doing. But she'll never forget that moment when Ashton stalked across the deck for the then-captain. How the planks groaned as if Ashton's considerable weight was even greater still. How the sea was smooth and the air still under storming skies in that moment, all under the control of the eidolons answering Ashton's call. They hadn't known Ashton was Titan of blood back then, but there was certainly no denying in that moment that the ship's luck, it's fate, was in Ashton's hands. And he wasn't doing anything he hadn't been forced to do before to bring it there.

But...

"I have no clue what would shock her enough to understand that I'm not the helpless little girl she abandoned," Imogen laments.

"You could get hot and heavy with Laudna in the middle of the deck," Ashton blandly suggests.

"...You've been hangin' out with Fearne and Chetney too long," Imogen chokes out after processing that suggestion. "I'm not subjectin' Laudna to- to voyeurism just to get my mom off my ass!"

"I dunno. She might be into it if Pâté's anything to judge by."

"Sh-shut up!" Imogen blushes furiously.

The asshole laughs at her.

"So definitely not Plan A," he continues blithely. "Could always murder the shit out of the next problem we come across. Nothing like being bathed in the blood of your enemies to break a sense of innocence."

Still not great, but definitely better than dragging Laudna into that.

"Maybe. I think it might be best to workshop it around," Imogen hesitantly agrees.

"Sure. Your problem, your choice. We'll be there."

That's what Imogen likes about this crew: everyone handles problems in their own ways, but they also have each other's backs. Always.

#MQ&A #MQ AU machine #high seas hells au #ashton greymoore #imogen temult #MQfic

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misscrazyfangirl321 · 11 months

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Hbd and sunny: get out of here.

At last, the follow-up to Poor Penny and Damien's Horrible No Good Very Bad Day (feat. bonding)

He finds her in the office, bent over some files, flipping through them with a determined look on her face. It's a look he knows all too well; he wore it himself once, some thirty years ago. She wants to fix the unfixable, to change what is already firmly set in place.

"Get out of here," he says flatly, without as much as a greeting. He will not let her become him, no matter what.

"I have to find out who did this." She doesn't even look up. "I have to stop them. I can't let them hurt anyone else, I-"

"We'll stop them. But not tonight. It's late; you need sleep."

She swallows. "I can't sleep. If I sleep, they might hurt someone else."

It's been days. Days since she and Damien were taken. Probably days since she's had a good night's sleep. No wonder she's barely making sense. "Listen, you need to-"

"I need to stop them. I thought you of all people would understand that."

The words land squarely between his ribs, and for a heartbeat, he cannot breathe, cannot think, cannot do anything but stare in horror, struggling to fit the cold words into the warm young woman that he knows.

Then she stills and looks up at him, face suddenly pale. "I'm-I'm so sorry. I didn't-I just meant because you're so determined to close cases, not-I didn't mean-" Tears well up in her eyes, and he forces himself to exhale, to let the pain wash over him and out.

"My wife's dead." He tries to keep his voice even. "Damien's not. So get out of here; he needs you with him, not here, buried in paperwork."

"But-" She's trembling, and he really wishes Ellie was here. She'd know exactly what to do, what to say, to fix this. He's a jagged blade meant to help a butterfly, and he doesn't know how to do anything but cut. "But it's my fault. They took me, but he-he could have gotten away. He almost did. But they put a gun to my head, and he-" She falls silent, burying her face in her hands, as the pieces fall into place. Then he sighs.

"It wasn't your fault-"

"It was!" She can scarcely manage each word. "So now I have to stop them, before-"

"Hey." He aims for gentle but firm, though Ellie has always been better at that than him. "He's alive. And he'll be a lot more upset if you're not there when he wakes up."

She says nothing, just continues shaking, and he tentatively steps toward her. Slow, uncertain, he reaches out, resting a hand lightly on her shoulder. That's how this comfort thing is supposed to work, right?

Her head lifts, eyes red and puffy, and she stares at him for three long seconds, until he's almost ready to yank his hand away and swear off doing the whole comfort thing at all-

And then he finds himself with two arms full of human. She clings to him, face buried in his chest, openly weeping against him. Oh; okay. That's... Not really in his wheelhouse. He clumsily brings his hand up to rest against her back, patting a couple of times for good measure.

"There, there," he tries, and she actually laughs, loud and sharp, bordering on hysterical.

"You are... Really not good at this," she whispers, taking a steadying breath, and he winces.

"Nope."

Then, so soft he can barely hear her- "Thank you."

She stays there for nearly two minutes; he watches the clock, the second hand ticking along, as she holds onto him for dear life. Then, at last, she exhales, releasing him and drawing back. Her face is still tearstained, but her expression is clear. Calm.

"I'm going to head to the hospital." Whew; his work here is done. "You should come with me."

W-why on earth would he do that? "I'm pretty sure I'm not the one he wants to see," he points out wryly, making his way to his chair.

"Eleanore will be there."

Of course she will be. All her life she's wanted a family, but for whatever reason, she's never had one, and now she treats Damien and Penny like the kids she never had. She'll be up there until he's well, fretting and worrying about him. "You two can keep each other company until he wakes up."

The look she gives him is wry, far too sarcastic to fit on her face, with just a hint of genuine amusement in her eyes. "Pretty sure I'm not the one she wants to see."

It's a ridiculous comparison, and he opens his mouth to tell her so, but her expression turns pleading and he gives in with a sigh. "Fine. But I'm driving."

#heyyyy guess what i rewrote the ending to this like three times bcs i REALLY wanted hbd to #find out about sbd's feelings for him here but the ending kept fighting me #like 'no this isn't about them.'#so. uh. have that slightly abrupt ending #anyway did anything think damien was dead?#i doubt it but i'm curious #deteggtives #answered #thanks for the ask!#lattes of love #my fics #my writing #mine #right on schedule captain

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impulsivelycontentious · 3 years

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No one reads this or connects it with my other online identities but since I've removed personals involvement from my other social media stuff, and I feel like bitching, I am jsut gonna go ahead and do it.

So I have brain damage. Yeaaaaars ago I threw up so hard I actually ripped open the inside of an artery in my neck, and it threw a clot, and that clot did some nasty shit on its way on through and out.

No doctor noticed for two weeks.

Everyone else did.

Good times.

Anyway.

So now I have a damaged brain. Brains don't grow back. Some areas can regenerate a few cells - notably the prefrontal lobe - but mostly brains fix themselves not by regenerating like skin does, but by rearranging the cells we have to fire to fancy new configurations.

This has been quite the ride. Because shit, it changes things.

I don't even know how much of my personality is consistent. No idea. Let alone everything else.

I have memory loss my nurologist won't akowledge because it falls short of dementia. That was the bar. "You don't have dementia, you know what year it is." Gee thanks there chief.

Anyway.

My brain wasn't too stable to begin with. I have always been prone to logic leaps that occur very quickly and not necessarily in ways other people would make them. My mind is jumbled and a little random and things collide all the time that probably shouldn't.

This has become much worse since the brain damage. See, my brain keeps wiring shit together. Shit it really shouldn't. It changes who I am, what I think, what I can think.

It's actually quite terrifying to realise you're a sack of geletine misfiring lighting at itself.

So anyway. To the point. Yes - I have one of those. Probably. It's somewhere in here.

Oh right, no, another detour. I'm autistic. "Oh yeah, they definatly didn't screen girls when I was a kid because how the fuck did they miss this otherwise" autistic.

Back to the point.

Recently I had this sensory processing ... Whatever the fuck that was. I call them.idssocistive episodes. I don't know how accurate that is. But my mind unhooks from my sensory data. Everything feels muted and unreal - sound, sight, touch, heat. Name it. It's wrong.

I hate these.

It gets particularly nasty because there are nurologicsl consequences. See, my concious mind ramps up it's interpretation of sensory data. It goes all in and leaves the rest of my existence stuffed in this tiny little box without enough space to do dick.

One effect of this is I suddenly become highly obsessive. I think it's a comfort mechanism, I require the same stimulus over and over again or to somehow mentally connect it to the same element. Of course, it could also jsut be that obsessive behaviour towards interests is part of who I am. I am autistic. I DEFIANTLY go all in when something fascinates me. But not... Not like this.

Do you have ANY IDEA how many times I watched starwars 8 in 72 hours? Any clue? Holy fricking ... Something. I watched it fast. I watched it slow. I watched it skipping ahead 10 seconds every 10 seconds. I dissected that thing in micrscopic detail.

It gets better. Because mere hours before I got hit with this episode... I was not a starwars fan.

Nope. I watched it. It was ok. I wasn't going out of my way for it.

And suddenly. Wham. Episode 8. All the time. I watched some 7 and 9 as well but it was like it was entierly because eit was connected to 8.

I cannot even.

And while this is happening, *I know*. I know. I really do. I know this isn't my normal behaviour. I know this isn't my wheelhouse. I know something is deeply, deeply wrong in my brain.

I think it might actually be an ok movie, honestly. But not THAT good. And now it's one of my favourite things. Forever. I have no idea if it's actually good. Did I not give eit a chance the first time? Is my obsessive brain simply emotionally hooked up how? Fuck, I don't know.

So that's why I'm posting today. On this day. May 4th.

I'm seeing a lot of star wars today and it's making my brain tickle with it's own ridiculousness.

Not the whole point though. Because it lasted 72 hours (I watched dit one more time after that and if wasn't near as intense).

But what happened AFTER my 72 hours as an obsessive raylo (oh yeah. I went there. I'm not even ashamed. I am also compeltely content with the end they got, because I do not see that shit working out).

Brains don't regrow. They rewire.

And suddenly, I'm drawing. Like... A lot. I filled pages of doodles. Sketches. I redrew a peice I'd been working on for about a month in a few hours and damnit, it was good. It's not professional quality but I'd never down anything that well before. This goes on for another day. And then I started a story, and I wrote 2000 words all at once.

I'm dyslexic. And words are severely impacted by my brain damage to the point it can cause me phsycial pain to force my thoughts in to words.

And here I am. Going nuts on my phone. The words just spilling out and again - damnit, it was good shit.

My brain was abstracting. Where the concious sort had been shunted, it wasn't directing the abstracting aspect of my mind.

And I was making cognative leaps. My brain was wiring itself together for creativity.

For another 24 hours.

And now, dear reader, we get to now.

I have written 200 words in the last 2 days. They feel wrong.

I started and stopped a dozen images. None of them feel right. And there are objective quality differences.

I can still draw a bit. If I'm not tired. I'm almost always tired - it's neural fatigue, it comes with surviving a brain damage.

I have somehow brain damaged my way in to better skills.

And it's... It's not a good feeling.

Doing it the first time and watching something take place in front of my eyes I don't recognise was like magic. It was euphoric. Amazing. Exciting.

Realising as time wears on that the ability to do this is intrinsically tied in to the way ones brain handles brain damage and sensory processing issues?

Not a great feeling cats. Not at all.

I find myself staring at a document willing words on tot he page that just aren't there anymore and feeling so frustrated I could scream.

Whose idea was this anyway? Why can't I keep my rewiring?

It's so hard dto explain the feeling of loss.

It's not me who did these things. A version of me, yes. But not the one we are keeping.

The one we keep struggles to hold a narrarive in her head and the narrator's tone took 3 rewritten to preserve for a single paragraph.

I don't want to stop. But how do I keep going? I'm not the author anymore and I've always struggled with adopting the tone of others.

So yeah. That's where I'm at. And I wanna talk about it. Because I don't want to be alone. But I can't escape the feeling I'm being dramatic. Terribly dramatic. And so talking about it is hard. How much is my own spin and perception and how much is real?

Did this really happen?

I think it did. But like every story I tell, I don't know. Memory loss. Cognetive issues.

I just wanna tell stories and draw. But the words hurt and the art makes me tired.

It's frustrating is all.

I hate being lighting geletine.

In case you're wondering what kind of cognative leap happened:

That one is april 4th.

And that one April 28th.

🤷‍♀️

Fucked if I know, really.

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Cheers for coming yesterday Jimmy: Actually did a decent job on the gifts according to Cass not that she's gonna thank you herself like Janis: No probs, seemed like she had a good time, nice to see Janis: And I'm glad about that, had no idea, awkward age, like Jimmy: I think she did yeah. Better 13th than I had anyway Jimmy: Even if she couldn't bring Twix into the line of fire Janis: Same Janis: All you can ask, yeah? Janis: Don't think Twix is familiar with the idea of a friendly, shit would've got too real Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: Too right. She's a savage Janis: Its why she fucks with her Jimmy: Anyway, if Cass don't text you, let me know and I'll make her Janis: Ain't no snitch Janis: You can tick me off her thank you note list, it's chill Jimmy: Alright Janis: Grace was gutted not to get an invite then I told her Bobby weren't coming and it'd probably fuck up her lewk and she was over it Jimmy: Unlucky Gracie we already had our fair share of mean girls there like Jimmy: Who can compete with tweens Janis: Forreal Janis: past her prime Janis: too bitter a pill to swallow on a Saturday afternoon, like Jimmy: You should tell her its better to get it outta the way. Then your night can go right Janis: So I've heard Janis: you better let her know Jimmy: You're alright Jimmy: Not in the mood for chick flicks and a catch up Janis: Hope it ain't in your not so distant future then Jimmy: Not part of the plan to start dating your sister Janis: She's not the only girl that is down to netflix and chill in this town is she Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: Haven't asked Janis: Didn't come up? Janis: One for the to-do list Jimmy: What are you on about? Janis: Your new girlfriend Janis: You wanna check before you commit like Jimmy: I don't have a girlfriend Jimmy: not that it's any of your business like Janis: Whatever, not like I was stalking you Janis: hard to miss, that's all Jimmy: What? Jimmy: That I was chatting to the only person our age except my ex Janis: Yeah Janis: Seems nice Jimmy: Wasn't gonna talk to you, was I? Jimmy: She is Jimmy: You'd know if you said anything to her Janis: Don't want your ex and next to be besties Janis: Not a good idea is it Jimmy: Doesn't matter it's not gonna happen Jimmy: I barely know her and I doubt I'll see her again Jimmy: Cass don't need me to chaperone her playdates as standard Janis: I'm very sorry for you Janis: Sure you can make it happen Jimmy: I'm sorry that you're jealous Jimmy: Maybe I could, if I wanted to Janis: Fuck off, I'm not Janis: Idk, ask her if she wants to fake date Jimmy: Why do you give so much of a fuck then? Jimmy: I don't want to, again none of your business but Janis: Making conversation Janis: Sure Jimmy: Why? Jimmy: We aren't mates Janis: Idk Janis: you can tell everyone I'm lonely and obsessed if you like Janis: just felt like it Janis: sorry Jimmy: fuck off Jimmy: why would I do that? Janis: 'Cos we're not mates Janis: why not? Jimmy: Why would I chat shit about you just cause you're my ex Jimmy: and who the hell to? Jimmy: I'm a dickhead, I'm not that dickhead Janis: Whoever you see fit, I don't care Janis: maybe the kid who's bright idea it was to tell you about my dead sister Jimmy: He wouldn't care either, he wasn't trying to chat shit Jimmy: He thought I already knew, since I was your boyfriend like Janis: Of what, all of 2 months Janis: not like we'd sat down and talked about our sad stories yet Janis: Oh well Jimmy: He didn't know we faked it before, I'm not going around with that as an opener Janis: Oh yeah Janis: forgot Janis: well its all on me then Janis: good to know Jimmy: Not like it matters now Janis: Not to you Janis: I'd gathered Jimmy: To nobody Jimmy: He only mentioned that he used to hang with her Jimmy: He's probably forgotten about it Janis: So you reckon Janis: Let's all forget it then Jimmy: Already done Janis: You're a cunt Janis: fuck you Jimmy: That'll be why you broke up with me then Janis: Not how I remember it Janis: selective memory saving your day again Jimmy: Who cares? Jimmy: It's still done Jimmy: how my day's going has nothing to do with you Janis: I do, you absolute moron Janis: Jesus Christ Jimmy: Frame it that I broke up with you then if that's what you need Jimmy: Not gonna change anything is it Janis: Apparently not Janis: Forget it Jimmy: How can I? Jimmy: You don't get to come into my inbox with this now Janis: and you don't get to ignore me forever Janis: i'm not going anywhere any time soon, deal with it Jimmy: I can't Jimmy: I have to ignore you, alright Jimmy: Sorry that I can't be your fake mate Janis: Why can't you be my actual mate then Janis: I'm that fucking bad, yeah? Janis: Cheers Jimmy: Cause I don't wanna be your friend Jimmy: I can't be around you like that Janis: I didn't dump you Jimmy: You didn't try very hard to stop me Jimmy: Whatever I'm not trying to blame you Jimmy: I'm just saying I can't Janis: I didn't know you were gonna say that Janis: it took me by surprise alright Janis: I'm sure I could've handled it better but fucking hell Janis: do we really have to do this? Jimmy: Not like I planned it myself Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: I don't know what to do Janis: No you have to know Janis: Tell me how to fix this Jimmy: All I know is I wanted to kiss you every second we were stuck in laser tag Jimmy: but that won't fix anything Janis: Might Janis: Could've given it a shot Janis: Perhaps not at a 13th bday party Jimmy: I really fucking miss you Janis: I miss you too Janis: that's what I've been trying to say this whole damn time Jimmy: having to ignore you all this time is one of the hardest things I've ever done Jimmy: I near lost my mind yesterday Janis: At least you didn't spend yours giving an innocent girl evils, tryna start shit Janis: I was so angry you were over me already Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: Couldn't even fake it Jimmy: I reckon Cass knew what she was doing Janis: Shoulda known, its within her wheelhouse Janis: Here's me thinking I was special, pfft Jimmy: you are Jimmy: you had the wrong sibling is all Janis: Gayyyyyy Janis: You're not fucking around? Jimmy: Don't be trying to get with your brother yet is what I'm saying Jimmy: Wanna be my girlfriend again then? Janis: Hold up Janis: you said you don't wanna be my mate even Janis: you gotta tell me you were just being moody Janis: why is this always such a headfuck Jimmy: I can't be your mate is what I meant Jimmy: Cause I want more Jimmy: I know I'm a headfuck Jimmy: but that's the truth like Janis: I am too so Janis: its alright Janis: Can we just Janis: At least TRY to say what we mean from now on? just a suggestion Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I don't wanna lose you again through being a dickhead Janis: we both know it was me Janis: i've never talked about it, i don't do that Janis: know it ain't healthy, believe me, and the fam have tried but yeah Janis: its my bad for deflecting it and acting like any of it was on you but that's all i could think to do in the moment Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: I'm as guilty of keeping shit to myself Jimmy: Cass is constantly on at me to talk more Jimmy: I shouldn't have been trying to make you Janis: I dunno, maybe it'd be good to talk about it Janis: least you're not a fucking shrink Janis: or Grace, no offense Janis: but its, well, you know too Janis: we're both fucked, basically then Jimmy: You can try and talk to me Jimmy: Whenever you want and about whatever Jimmy: That's all I was trying to get at when I brought it up Janis: I can see it now Janis: when it happened, everyone just wanted the gossip, like it was no bigger than who kissed who at the disco or something Janis: and Grace thought they actually cared, poured her heart out Janis: I couldn't hack it Janis: It wasn't about you, that I think you're like that, it was knee-jerk, that's all Jimmy: That's shit. I'm sorry Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: Why we moved like, you know Jimmy: Get to be a man of mystery in a new town Janis: Yeah, that makes sense Janis: Did it help? Jimmy: Might've but Cass and Bobby don't know how to leave it there Jimmy: They're just kids Jimmy: All my dad achieved was taking Bob away from everything familiar and Cass from her mates Janis: Understandable, they didn't sign up for this Janis: Or you, really Janis: That's shitty, really Janis: Is your Mum dead, Jim? Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: I can't answer that for you or myself Janis: But she's...gone? Janis: Sorry, I'm just trying to get it so I don't put my foot in it further down the line, like you said, the kids have said some stuff throwaway, stuff that doesn't sound just like a messy divorce even Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: Like it's not, but it's not your fault that it isn't Jimmy: I don't know where she is, or if she's still anywhere Jimmy: That's why it's so pointless him bringing us here, she's not gonna pop up in some Irish pub like Jimmy: If she comes back it's gonna be there, distance from it is the last thing that'll help, that's what we had. Still have Janis: I can only imagine how hard that is Janis: Before Edie died, she went missing for about 8/9 months Janis: and we were just Janis: I think if it'd gone on any longer we'd have lost it Janis: not that her, or your Ma, turning up dead or whatever is ideal but Janis: at least its closure, yeah? Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: It's 4 more years of nothing before they'll say it Janis: Fuck Janis: That's Janis: well Janis: did she give any hint or did it just happen Janis: like can you even be angry with her, if you knew she'd planned to then you could but what if its not her fault Janis: that's such a headfuck I'm so sorry you all have to have that in your heads Jimmy: Cass is the age I was now Jimmy: I don't know how to feel about it. I want time to move faster, like you said for the closure, but I don't too Jimmy: It's not alright that they won't remember her properly Jimmy: That I can't even with the memories cause I don't know if they're real or if she was faking it herself all along Jimmy: She might never have been happy. She might not have wanted to go. I don't know Jimmy: All I can be is angry, for them if not me Janis: All you've got is second-guessing and what ifs Janis: that's fucking hard to live with Janis: seen it first hand Janis: not the same situations but Janis: shit Janis: I'm- do you wanna stop Janis: I don't want to make you talk and think about it all but no doubt you do regardless 'cos I know I do Jimmy: Maybe talking is better Jimmy: Not saying shit hasn't worked out well for us, has it? Jimmy: And my dad isn't thriving off it either Jimmy: I don't wanna be like him Janis: You're not, couldn't be if you tried Janis: Like, I get it now, why he is how he is, but you're gonna be judged by how you deal in a crisis, that's just facts Janis: and you can't do that to your own kids, man Janis: at least I didn't have nobody to hurt Janis: well, that's a lie but you know, its not like my Ma went off the rails, fuck the rest of us, you know? Jimmy: He never was this bad until everyone else stopped looking Jimmy: Then he got it into his head that she either didn't wanna be found or there was nothing but a body to find Jimmy: If he couldn't keep waiting he just wouldn't think about her at all. Or talk about her either. I dunno Janis: That's just what he needed to finish him off, more abandonment Janis: There's so many possibilities, too many, those are just 2 of Janis: Guess he wanted some certainty? But its just bullshit, and he knows it as much as you do Janis: Get the impulse but Janis: the kids Janis: you Janis: that's your mum Jimmy: Sometimes my head gets full of all these horrible ideas about him Jimmy: That he kicked her out. Or worse Jimmy: That it suits him to pretend she doesn't exist because he feels guilty for what he did. Or doesn't Janis: Fuck, Jim Janis: that's a heavy fucking thought to carry Janis: if it had been that, there'd have to be some indication, surely, that couldn't just come out of nowhere Jimmy: I've never said that out loud before Jimmy: Sorry Jimmy: I know it's mad but they used to argue loads Janis: I mean, it happens, and you're not mad for going there Janis: you've had years to ruminate without answers, I get it Janis: but, if there was a body, if that had happened, then you'd know by now, there's no getting away with it these days, right? Jimmy: I know Jimmy: But sometimes I wish that was how it happened 'cause if she's out there, living wherever with whoever why hasn't she reached out? Jimmy: No texts or letters. Birthday cards, christmas presents. Nothing Janis: Yeah Janis: At least explain yourself, you don't just get to leave Janis: nobody should but especially not a parent, like Jimmy: We weren't close but Cass was just a kid and Bob was practically a baby still Jimmy: Maybe they found a body but they don't know it's hers? Jimmy: I think about that too, the state she'd have to be in Janis: She still birthed you all, if nothing else, she owes you all that Janis: Of course you do Janis: What else are you going to do in this situation but search forever, wherever you can Jimmy: I've looked for her so many times Jimmy: I think I see her sometimes, that's really fucked Jimmy: But it's not like that when I'm with you Janis: Again, can only imagine Janis: Like, been there but once you remember they're dead then you know it can't be, so its less head-fucky Janis: I'm really happy that I can do that for you, even for a little while Janis: you deserve a break, just from your own head, you know that, right? Jimmy: I can't let myself think so cause the kids don't get one Jimmy: They dream about her every night Jimmy: When they sleep that is like Janis: They deserve one too Janis: I think you give them that Janis: I honestly do Janis: you can't make it all go away but they're a damn sight better off than if they didn't have you looking out for them Jimmy: You mean that? Janis: Absolutely Janis: I'd say it even if we were still being pricks to each other Janis: they wouldn't begrudge you taking time for you Janis: you'll be better for it, do a better big bro job, yeah? Jimmy: Can we go somewhere Jimmy: far as the budget will take us Janis: Yeah Janis: I don't care where Janis: as long as I can see you Jimmy: I'll throw a dart at the map Jimmy: Until then I can come see you Janis: Please do Janis: Just come straight to the barn, yeah? I'll be waiting Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: How many of your family am I gonna have to get past? Janis: Hopefully none if you do it right Janis: Use your ninja skillz Janis: Laser tag was good practice like Jimmy: Challenge accepted Jimmy: I'll think back to our win Jimmy: get it done Janis: Cass shamelessly picked an A team Janis: birthday girl prerogative tho, soz losers Jimmy: good job Jimmy: she's more of a sore loser than you Jimmy: You'd have never got to chat to me over the sounds of her sulking Janis: What a tragedy that woulda been Janis: nice to see your back on top form though boy Jimmy: Take the credit Jimmy: I'm leaving now Janis: Flashback giving me the fear there Janis: ready to shout at you dramatically as you drive away like Jimmy: Meant to say I'm on my way to you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Good Janis: In a bit 🖤

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