#I am cackling so so so hard about this entire pizza fire

[waitedforgarridebs]

Uhm guys... this might come as a shock for you... but I just wanted to tell you... I’m a lettuce.

#I am cackling so so so hard about this entire pizza fire #LGBTQIA+ #shitposting #good one M&S

[eloquent--asshole]

My Date With the President’s Son Volume 2

a/n: So I just want to say WOW y’all have been so patient waiting for this. I was not expecting to get so many messages for a part 2 and I really appreciate everyone who has read or sent an ask! And I’ve been sitting on it for the last couple weeks because I wanted it to be well.. in my eyes, perfect. I hope you all enjoy :)

If you’ve missed it you can read Volume 1 here

I don’t remember how long I stood in that hallway in the White House. I don’t remember when I let my tears start falling. I don’t remember when Niall came around the corner and enveloped me in a hug. I don’t even remember what I saw on the drive home when my vision was blurred with tears.

What I remembered is how Harry’s normally olive eyes turned black. How his voice shook me like I was experiencing an earthquake. I remember how tight my chest felt hearing how upset he was. And I remember my breath leaving my body as I heard his bedroom door slam shut.

What once was Niall’s hard and cold attitude toward me turned warm and gentle when he dropped me off. “We’ll figure it out, okay? He just needs some time to calm down. I’ll talk to him” I recall him whispering, giving me one last hug before I got out of his car.

***

Sunday came and went as I laid in my bed, not daring to check my phone for any potential messages from Thompson.

“Hey, Y/N.” I glanced over my blankets to see Derek, Summer’s boyfriend, standing in my doorway. I moved my gaze back to the wall, barely acknowledging his presence.

I hadn’t told Summer or Ashlie about what had happened. All I said was that whatever Harry and I had was over. I heard Derek sigh before coming to take a seat next to me on my bed.

“How are you?” his voice was tender, like it scared him thinking I may throw a punch. I like Derek. He’s always been kind. When he and Summer started dating in college, he fit right in with our tight-knit group. He always knew what to say to Ashlie or me when one of his fraternity brothers would piss us off and helped us pass our chemistry exams.

“I’m okay,” I sighed, pushing the blankets from my chest. “I’ve been better.”

“Summer and Ashlie are worried about you, you know.” He placed a hand on my shoulder and quirked a grin, “Said they haven’t seen you like this since Professor Neuman wouldn’t let you take that final you missed.”

I cracked a smile with him. Of course that’s what they would compare this to. “Okay, Professor Neuman knew how badly I needed to pass that class.” I looked down at my hands sitting on my lap, “Besides, she was a bitch.” I mumbled.

He let out a cackle, “Yeah, that she was, kid. That she was.” I noticed Derek fiddling with his thumbs, avoiding eye contact with me. “Look, Y/N, I’m by no means a love expert. But whatever happened, and whatever will happen, I know that you’re tough and you can handle it. You work for the fucking FBI, dude. You need to remember who you are.”

“Derek, that’s the problem right now. I don’t know who I am. I took a mission thinking it would be a breeze because my boss and team had my back. And it blew up in my face when I couldn’t keep my personal life separate.” I paused so I could sit up against my headboard. “Am I really the girl that can’t keep up with the guys because I’m emotional? Niall has been working with Harry since President Styles got into office. How can I – “ My eyebrows scrunched, and I shook my head, trying to find the words. “I don’t want my personal and work life to be so tangled.”

Derek kept his gaze steady on me while taking in the information I just unleashed. “Okay… So untangle it.” My eyes flicked to meet his.

“What?”

“You heard me. Untangle it. Separate those again and come back to it.” With that, he got up and headed for the door. “Also, do you want some pizza? One’s being delivered in about 5.” I could only nod in response, still taking in his advice.

***

Thompson called me later that Sunday night. Should I even answer? “Hello?” I greeted Mr. Thompson.

“Hey, kid.” His voice was eerily quiet. “Niall called me.” Oh, great. Niall told Thompson everything. “He told me Harry found out… About the mission.” I felt the confusion cover my face, my mouth went dry, and a clammy feeling started on my palms.

“Oh, Mr. Thompson I – ”

“So here’s what we’re going to do,” Thompson interrupted, “While I’m working on damage control this week, you’ll still be working. But I’m going to stick you on desk duty for the time being.” He grumbled. What? Not fired? “We’ll discuss your employment next week after we’re finished with damage control.” There it is.

When Thompson hung up, I lay my phone back on the nightstand. I had a few notifications from Ashlie and Summer asking if I wanted to talk, which I ignored. I should go for a run or to the gym. Something, Y/N. Something.

***

Walking into work was terrifying on Monday. Eyes followed me around the office as I went to my desk. I settled in and turned on my monitor.

“Miss. Y/L/N,” I looked up to see Thompson standing next to my desk.

“Mr. Thompson,” I welcomed him.

“Miss. Y/L/N, we’re moving you for the week.” What? “We’ll be sticking you in an office. Just for your peace of mind.” I nodded my head and picked up my bag to follow him down the hall.

We stepped into a compact room near the back of the office. The office filled with filing cabinets and papers askew from other workers. Thompson gave me a curt nod and excused himself to go back to work.

Sighing, I set my bag on the desk. The wavering lights were dim, almost dim enough to hurt my eyes. I turned on the monitor and logged into the database. Desk duty is probably the worst thing to do. All you do is research. Although, researching criminals sometimes got interesting.

I researched some of our most wanted suspects, finding where they were living, what they were doing, anything I could find. I came across a file that particularly caught my interest. Greg Patterson – Attempted assassination. Why haven’t I heard of this? Maybe it’s from a long time ago.

As I dug deeper into the file, I noticed that he had a connection to Harry, and to the government. Greg was a congressman’s son. Unfortunately for me the file didn’t have much in it except some basic information and a picture.

Last known location: New Orleans, Louisiana – December 2018.

Wanted for: Attempted assassination.

Reward: $1,000,000

I started looking at Harry’s social media connections, checking Facebook friends, Twitter followers, Instagram followers, everything.

Harry had posted nothing in the last week. Harry’s always on social media. I would know.

I scrolled through Harry’s Twitter followers, a username catching my eye. G_Pattsy. I clicked on the profile and was met with a picture of a single emerald eye; I looked back at the computer to compare the colors. Greg’s pictured shows that he has brown eyes, not green. I looked harder at the picture. Wait. That’s Harry’s eye.

I scrolled to the most recent update. It was a picture of the Washington Monument saying So good to be home😈.

Not good, Y/N, not good.

I printed the documents I had up and grabbed them, immediately going to Thompson’s office. The door was slightly cracked.

“Mr. Horan,” I heard Thompson’s gruff voice, “I don’t understand what you’re saying.” I peeked into the room to see Niall standing in front of Thompson’s desk and Thompson facing the windows overlooking the 695.

“Sir,” Niall’s voice shook, “I haven’t seen him in two days. I don’t know where he could be.”

Haven’t seen who? Harry?

“Then you better fucking find him. You better get the entire TEAM sweeping this city to track him down!” Thompson roared. His voice ringing through my ears, and I’m sure Niall’s.

“Yes, sir.” I scurried from the doorway and hid behind a file cabinet. I watched Niall exit Thompson’s office and rush out of the building. My thoughts whirled to Harry. Where is he? I should call him…

I waited a minute before deciding to interrupt Thompson with this information I just found on Greg Patterson.

“Come in,” Thompson demanded after my soft knock. His face lightened only a bit when I entered the room. “Miss. Y/L/N, what do you need?” His voice is dismissive. He’s not happy with you. What had been Thompson’s relaxed demeanor from our time on the mission was replaced by his original hard exterior.

“Mr. Thompson,” I started, walking over to the empty chairs and taking a seat, “I was doing some research and I think there may be a potential threat to the Presidential family.” Thompson’s brows drew together, taking on a frustrated expression.

“What are you talking about, Y/L/N.” Thompson’s voice was so low, I almost couldn’t hear it over the soft hum of the air conditioning.

“Does the name Greg Patterson sound familiar?” Thompson glanced at the papers in my hand and reached for them. He started flipping through the few papers I brought with me before meeting my gaze.

“What did you find?” He interrogated.

“I believe he’s back in D.C,” I informed him, thinking of the picture printed on the page with the screenshot of his Twitter update.

“Damn it.” Thompson reached for the phone on his desk and began dialing numbers. “You’re dismissed, Miss. Y/L/N.” I hesitated to get up from the chair. I found this information. I want to help. “Miss. Y/L/N,” Thompson stopped me, “Have you been in contact with Mr. Styles as of late?” I shook my head. He nodded and motioned for me to leave. “Get me Joe.” I heard him bark into the phone as I shut the door.

***

If it was two weeks ago, I’d be seeing Harry after work. This week, after work, I would go home and sulk in bed.

On Thursday night, I finally decided I should do something instead of sulking about how I failed. How I failed the director of the FBI because I couldn’t keep it together. How I failed Harry because of my lies. But most importantly, how I failed myself by putting my job above my feelings and letting it interfere with my personal life.

I got up and grabbed my leggings with the pistol holster in the back. I slipped the one I kept in my drawer into its holder. They trained us to carry a gun at all times. Whether it’s in my purse, my boot, or my waistband. I always had it. Harry never knew you had a gun on you.

I looked over to the hoodie laying over my chair. It’s Harry’s. I wonder if he wants his clothes back. A few times when he was over, he brought an extra shirt, hoodie, sweatpants, because “I think you’d look fantastic in my clothes.” Well, he wasn’t wrong. I grabbed the hoodie and tossed it to the pile of his things lying in the corner of my room.

I went to my closet and pulled out a long sleeve NASA t-shirt to slip over my head. Why didn’t I just become an astronaut?

“Hi, you!” Summer welcomed me happily when I walked into the kitchen area. She turned to face me, and I caught Ashlie’s eyes from her position on the couch. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, I’m going to go for a run. I’ll be back,” I stated, opening the front door and shutting it behind me. I could just make out Summer and Ashlie having a conversation through the door, but I couldn’t tell what they were saying.

I let my feet carry me closer to the downtown area, my music blaring in my ears. I ran past an alley and saw a man limp against the brick wall. He was being cornered by 3 others in black jackets, hats, and I could just make out sunglasses covering their eyes from one that was slightly turned to the side. I came to a stop just past the alley and took my headphones out. I noticed I was stood next to an entry of a bar. I listened to see if I needed to intervene.

“Come on, Styles. We know you’ve got something on you. What is it?” The voice was muffled from facing the other direction, but it was hard, callous, and aggressive. Harry? I reached around my back and grabbed my gun, peeking around the corner of the building into the alley. I looked at the ground to see if there were rocks that would shuffle as I stepped forward.

How stupid are they? Not one of them is facing the street to see if anyone is coming by. My eyes wandered around them, not seeing any guns or knives.

“I don’t have anything, I swear.” Harry pleaded. His face was cast at the ground. He was clutching his shoulder. “Greg, I swear.” Greg? Greg Patterson? Oh, God. Help me.

I took a few more steps, so I was standing about 6 feet away and raised my gun, pointed at the man talking.

“Step away from the boy,” I muttered. Harry’s head snapped in my direction. His eyes looked thankful to see someone standing there but grew withdrawn when he saw it was me. Greg slowly turned to face me. A lopsided grin taking over his features.

He twisted his torso to face Harry again, “Hey, isn’t this that girl you were seeing for a bit? Turned out to be a narc?” He took a stride towards me, “What’re you gonna do about it baby girl?” he belittled, lifting his shirt to let the light glimmer off a knife sticking in his waistband.

“Unless you want me to shoot you, I suggest you get out of here,” I said, my voice turning hostile.

“You wouldn’t dare.” He taunted, taking another step toward me.

“Oh, yeah?” I quickly pointed my gun at the ground a foot in front of him and shot. The fire rang in my ears, “Do you seriously want to test me?”

The two other men grabbed him by the arms and started dragging him out of the alley passed me. “You will regret doing that, bitch!” I heard him yell. They started running when I aimed at the wall and released another bullet. I glanced at Harry, who was still slack against the brick wall.

“Harry,” I rushed to his side. “Are you okay?” I gripped his arm and went to put it around my shoulders.

“You didn’t have to do that,” He griped, pulling himself out of my grasp.

“Oh yeah, and let them kill you? No way.” I laughed sarcastically. Harry started walking towards the street, rubbing his shoulder.

“They weren’t going to kill me,” He brushed off.

“Harry, that guy had a knife,”

“A little nick is nothing compared to what I’ve been through recently.” He paused. Ouch. “What are you even doing here? What, did Thompson send you here or something?” His tone was demanding,

“What? No. I’m just out.”

“Sure you just happen to be passing a bar I used to frequent. And just so happen to make an appearance when I catch a bit of trouble?” His interrogation sent a chill down my spine. He turned on his heel to look at me, inches from my face. “I didn’t need you to defend me.”

“Harry, what are you even doing here? Without security? Your entire team has been looking for you for four days! And I was just trying to help…” I whispered, my eyes falling to the ground.

“I don’t need your help, okay?” His voice rattled my eardrums. I took an involuntary step back. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. His eyes were glowering, fixed on mine. “I think you’ve done enough ‘help’ in my life. And I certainly do not need your permission, or Niall’s, to leave my own fucking house.” He spat, turning toward the street again.

“Say what you want, okay?” I said, my voice shaky, tears brimming my eyes. “But I care about you, Harry. I wanted to tell you! I have cared about you the entire time. You were and are getting back to being an absolute mess, Harry. Okay, maybe I was used as a prop by the FBI, but –“

“See that’s just it, Y/N,” Harry turned to face me again. His eyes soft, glistening with a few tears. “They used you as a prop. You used me to advance yourself. I thought,” He paused and ran a hand through his long locks, looking at the ink shaded sky. “I thought you were feeling the same thing I was.”

“I was!” I shout, not caring if any passer-byes could hear me. “I was feeling the same thing you were! I wanted to tell you everything! I –“ I took a deep breath to compose myself and looked into his darkened eyes – “I was scared.” I admitted, my voice lowering to a mumble. My eyes flashed around the alley, not daring to meet his gaze.

“Scared of what?” He questioned, furrowing his brows. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. “Of Thompson?”

“No.”

“No?” He affirmed, confused. “Then what were you so afraid of?”

“Well, yes. Thompson. But I was afraid of you…” My voice trailed; my eyes fixed on the pavement between us.

“Me?” He brought his palm to his chest “You were scared of me?!” His tone deepened. “What did you think? That I’d have you fired or something?”

That was something I hadn’t thought of. Can Harry have me fired? Did he have that much say in the FBI staff?

“I was scared,” I played with the hem of my shirt, “It scared me to think that you’d wonder if everything I told you was a lie. And I was scared you’d be done with me, and that you’d just…” I briefly met his expressionless gaze before settling it back on the ground, “Just walk away without getting a chance to know me. The real me.”

“Well,” Harry stiffened. “I’m sure we’re both glad we don’t have to worry about that anymore.” My gaze snapped to his. “I know exactly who you are, you’re nothing but a con artist who got exactly what you wanted.” He turned his back to me and walked out to the street.

“This is not what I wanted!” I called, he stopped in his tracks, “At the end of the day, I wanted you to know the Y/N that is compassionate and strong. I wanted you to know the Y/N that started falling for the kind, caring and utterly incredible man that you are.” Without a response, he kept moving. I waited for him to round the corner before following. I watched as his back disappeared into the boisterous bar.

I stood on the sidewalk for a couple of minutes before deciding he wasn’t coming out. I turned on my heel to continue my jog home.

***

My heart began racing like never before every time I thought about going into work on Monday morning. Meeting with Thompson. The looks I would get from my colleagues as I packed up my desk. The only contact I’ve had with Thompson since Tuesday was him texting me to tell me about our meeting on Monday morning.

Friday and Saturday brought me to the gym. Employees of the FBI had exclusive access to a gym on the north side of the city. I stepped on the treadmill and began my jog, upping the intensity every couple minutes. Beads of sweat formed on the back of my neck. I wiped them away, staring out the window at the trees across the field. My feet began to pound harder as I thought back to Thursday night and my actual run-in with Harry.

How could he be so hardheaded to think that someone sent me there?

I looked down at the moving treadmill under me. A pair of feet caught my eye, climbing onto the treadmill next to me. I turned my head to see Niall standing there. I scrunched my eyebrows at him as he motioned for me to take out my headphones.

“Hey…” I said as I pulled them out and pressed the pause button. The treadmill came to a stop, and I faced Niall.

“Hey, Y/N.” He greeted, a hint of a smile on his face. “How are you?”

“I’m okay,” I panted, trying to catch my breath. “And you?”

“I’m alright.” The silence took over as both our eyes wandered around the empty room. “I’ve been wanting to get ahold of you.”

“Yeah? Why?”

“Harry’s been to the office a few times, since that night.” He started, my eyes widening. That’s why Thompson moved me. So we wouldn’t see each other. “I don’t know what’s going on but – “ There’s something he’s not saying.

“Are you still working with Harry?” The question slipped from my lips before I could fully process the question I wanted to ask.

Niall harshly blinked, taken aback by what I asked. “Oh – “ he mumbled, lowering his eyes to the space between us. “Yeah. Harry was pretty upset with me, but I think he’s doing better.” I figured.

“Well, that’s good.”

“Y/N, Harry’s just really hurt. You know, by everybody. Not just you.” Niall’s sympathetic tone seeped into my mind. “And, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry, Niall?” I asked, picking up my water bottle to take a sip. “It’s my fault, not yours. I should’ve known better than to let my emotions get in the way of this.” I finished after gulping my water down.

“No, it’s my fault too. I should’ve seen it.” He concluded, his eyes staring out the window at the trees. He glanced at my face before continuing, “I should’ve seen the way you two were looking at each other. I should’ve seen how real it was for both of you.”

Why was Harry at the office so often? Was more than just my job at risk now?

Niall stepped off the treadmill and headed for the front door. I watched him as he exited the building, my legs not allowing me to follow and ask more questions.

***

Do you ever try so hard to forget something, but then it keeps popping in your memory even more? That’s how I feel with my conversations with Harry and Niall. What is Niall not telling me? What does he know that I don’t? And how can Harry forgive Niall and not me?

Derek broke my thoughts when he walked through our front door, 3 friends in tow. “Hey, Y/N. How was your day?” He asked, heading towards the kitchen.

“It was – “ I glanced at his friends and felt anxiety consume my heart. I can’t place the feeling, but it certainly wasn’t a pleasant one. “fine.”

Derek nodded, filling a glass from the cabinet with water. “Oh, Y/N. These are some friends, Mike, Tyler, and Greg,” Derek said, taking in my blank expression, and pointing to each man standing in my kitchen.

I couldn’t place the faces, but I felt like I’ve met them. “Hi,” I said, giving a slight wave. “Um – Have we met before?” I asked, gesturing between me and the men I learned to be Tyler, Greg, and Mike.

Greg looked at his friends then back at me, “I – I don’t think so?” A smirk took over his features with a glint of mischief in his eyes. “Maybe in a past life.” Flashes of a knife went through my brain. Greg. G_Pattsy.

“Anyway, where’s Summer? She said she’d be home,” Derek spoke, obliviously breaking up the tension slowly building around him.

“She’s in the shower,” I said getting up from the couch. “I have to run an errand.” I grabbed my purse from the counter, side-eying the men standing there once more.

“Problem, sweetheart?” A chill ran down my spine from his menacing tone. “Don’t worry, I know the effect I have on people.” Oh, we’re going to have a problem.

“Don’t ever for a second think you’d have the privilege,” I uttered over my shoulder, slamming the door on my way out. I pulled out my phone and dialed the only number I could think of. “Hey, can you meet me?”

I hung up and made my way to the nearest bar. It was only 8 pm, so it wasn’t that packed. “Hey, you,” Louis said wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “What can I do for ya?”

“Do you want something to drink first?” I laughed, motioning to the liquor sitting behind the counter.

“Oh, yeah.” Louis waved the bartender over and taking a seat on the chair next to me. “Bumbu, rocks, please.” The bartender made his drink and placed it in front of him. Louis took a sip before turning in his chair to face me completely. “So.”

“You’ve known Harry for a long time, right?” I asked, running my fingers around my glass, avoiding his eyes.

“Yeah, since I was about 3, I think.” He said, gazing off into the distance. “I heard about what happened. That it didn’t work out, and I’m sorry. You two seemed good for each other.” Louis confessed, placing a hand on my shoulder. How though? How did we seem good for each other?

“It’s okay.”

“Anyway, yeah. A long time.” He spoke, bringing his hands back to his lap. “Why?”

“Can you tell me about his friendship with Greg Patterson?” I asked, lifting my eyes to meet his.

“Greg? Patterson?” He questioned as I nodded. “Well, there’s not much to tell. Harry and Greg were friends through high school. After that, Greg kind of fell off the grid. Got into a… a more dangerous crowd. Harry didn’t say much about what happened.”

“But what did he say then?” I pressed. Louis looked at me with a frown, tilting his head slightly to the side.

“Uh – “ He ran his hand across his jaw, leaving it there for a second. “I know they got into a tremendous fight. Greg landed in the hospital, Harry walked away with a few scrapes and a broken nose.” Louis lowered his hand, clasping the glass in front of him. “Something about drugs.”

“Was Harry selling?” I asked nonchalantly. I flipped my hair over my shoulder and tucked some strands behind my ear. I took a glance at the door, eyeing the couple walking in. “Or buying?”

“No, no. Harry never got into that.” Louis waved off, shaking his head. “But he knew people that were. Greg wanted in. He didn’t believe Harry wasn’t in on the deals.”

“Have you seen him recently?”

“Who, Harry? Not since the benefit.” Louis glanced at my blank expression. “Oh, Greg? I never knew him. Just of him.” Louis knocked his fist on his chin gently, deep in thought. “You know, I think I heard from someone that he was back in the D.C. area though.”

I thought about Louis’ last comment almost the entire way home. I thought about how the man that is wanted for attempted assassination has gone this long without being found. More importantly, I thought about how that same man had been standing in my kitchen not even two hours ago and every possible way that Derek knew that man and brought him to my house. Does he know?

I pulled up to my building and shifted my car into park, taking notes of the blacked-out SUV sitting a couple of spaces away. I eyed it, warily. Many people drive blacked-out SUVs, not just Harry. I had to remind myself. I slowly got out of my car and walked towards the door, eager to know if Derek was still inside.

I couldn’t see if anyone was in the SUV, but I prayed the Thompson didn’t have it out for me now.

“Derek?” I called as soon as the door latched. “Are you here?”

“In here,” I heard him call from Summer’s room. I made my way, checking my phone for anything from Thompson. “What’s up?” he greeted when I entered the room.

They were sprawled across the floor, Boy Meets World playing softly on the TV. “Can I talk to you about something?” I asked, taking a seat on the floor next to them. He sat up and stared at me expectantly. “How’d you meet those guys from earlier?” Derek’s mouth slightly parted, confused. “Like did you meet them recently? Or have you known them for a while?”

Derek’s eyebrows scrunched together, “Do you know them?”

“No, but I was just wondering.” I shook my head, trying to laugh it off.

“Did Greg say something to you? I’ll kick his ass.” Derek slammed his palms on the ground like he was ready to track him down. “I swear if he fucking said something, I’ll-“

“Derek, no” I laughed, “I think I’ve seen him around or something.”

He raised his hand to scratch the back of his neck, “Okay, good. I met them in NOLA, actually.” I raised my eyebrows. That’s right. Derek went to New Orleans like two years ago. “They were cool, got us into all the good clubs down there,” he looked at Summer who was nodding her head in agreement. “Told him to hit me up if he was ever in DC. Guess he decided to take me up on the offer.”

“I think I may need your help.”

***

The next day, I was once again sat in the conference room. It was around 9:00 pm and my breath was hitching every other second. I’m nervous about how everything will go. Thoughts swirled my mind. How will Niall react? What are we going to do? I can’t believe I looped Derek into this. This is insane.

“All right,” Thompson started, clapping his hands to get everyone’s attention. My gaze shifted around to each person in the room. Niall, Joe, Thompson, Derek, and a few others from secret security I didn’t quite recognize. “Derek, first and foremost, thank you for joining us and helping us.” Derek nodded nonchalantly. “Here’s the plan.” I started spacing out. I knew I wouldn’t be a part of it. No matter how much I wanted to be. I’d be in the van, with Joe, Thompson and the others. Of course, Niall got to make the arrest. He’d be with them, watching from afar.

What felt like an eternity passed before Thompson’s voice rang in my ears again. “Understood?” His voice was loud, angry, stern. Everything you would expect from the Director of the FBI. Everyone started getting up to pack the van and move. “Y/N,” Thompson stared at me. He motioned for me to wait while everyone else filed out of the room. “You don’t have to come.”

“Sir?”

“If it will be too much. Just let me know.” He said gently.

“Mr. Thompson,” I said, my voice hinting irritation, “This is my job. I love my job. And I want so badly to see that sucker put away. I’m not letting what happened interfere with this. At the end of the day, it’s my duty to protect and serve.”

He gave me a curt nod and gestured for me to exit, quickly following suit. We made our way to the vans and got in. Niall and Derek got into their respective cars to meet up with the suspect and the bait. Everyone had their gear on, ready to intervene if need be. Everyone except me. “It’ll be for the best. He won’t be thrown off.”

When the van started moving, all the men started chatting about work life, home life, “Did you hear about Linda in the office today?”, and everything going on in the White House. Thompson’s voice kept me sane. This isn’t a crazy dream I had thought up. This is real life. I kept my mouth shut through it all. Everyone knows what happened. Niall probably told everyone at the White House what happened. Don’t dig yourself a deeper hole.

We pulled up to the dingy bar that somehow became remarkable after one encounter. Niall pulled up behind us and got out of his car. He came up to Thompson’s window to get his earpiece and mic before heading off into the bar. The static on the radio in the back of the van let us know the mics were on. The voices and music started flowing through within seconds.

“Hey,” Niall’s voice came through. “Thought I might find you here.” His voice was hard to hear with all the background noise, but I distinctly heard a chair screeching across the floor. Niall’s sitting down.

“What are you doing here?” Harry’s words slurred, he sounded far away. How much had he had to drink already? Suddenly I didn’t know how to breathe. Oh, how I missed the sweet voice that I no longer had the privilege of hearing.

“Just came to check on you. I know you’re still upset.” His voice was sympathetic. For once, I was grateful it wasn’t for me.

There was a lengthy pause. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Harry’s voice sounded beaten. He sounded rough. And though I couldn’t see him, I knew his eyebrows had a crease between them. “I mean, how could she do something like that? How could you do something like that?” Okay, going right in then.

“Harry,” Niall stuttered, “We were just trying to do what’s best. Look, I’m not here as your guard tonight. I’m here as your friend. If you want to get fucked up and party, I’m here. If you want to get fucked up and talk, I’m here.”

About 30 seconds had passed before I stopped holding my breath. “I just, I could really see something with her.” He has to be careful. Niall’s lack of response confirmed my thoughts. He knew that we were all listening. “Anyway, thanks for letting me do this, Niall. Thanks for being here. It’s been a rough week.” I could basically see the smile on his face, dimples making a full appearance.

“Hey,” Niall’s voice broke. “I know you’re hurting. But you’re not alone, okay? She’s hurting too.” A smile crept onto my face. Thanks, Niall. I didn’t dare look at Thompson, scared he would see the brokenness and weakness hidden in my eyes. I kept my face straight, fading the smile to be more serious for the situation, and for the sake of being within a foot of my boss.

“So you like this bar, huh?” A voice from another speaker broke through, much clearer than the last. A gruff voice I recognized from my kitchen. Someone remind me why I thought this would be a marvelous idea.

“Yeah, been coming here for a short while with my girl,” Derek’s voice was smooth, he had always been a talented actor. Hiding me and Ashlie in his room and straight-up lying to his brothers saying he hadn’t seen us. Pretending to be someone else’s boyfriend so a creep at the bar would back off. Sometimes I’m still amazed and the stuff he can pull off.

“Awesome.”

A couple of minutes passed as Derek and Greg made their way to the bar, we were outside of. Their voices on the speaker grew cluttered, voices from all around them being picked up. Joe turned down all the speakers, so the van wasn’t being bombarded. Soon after, Derek, Greg, and his two friends arrived and entered. Now it was only a matter of time.

The unfortunate part of tonight was, our eyes were Niall. We don’t have any cameras in the bar, or on our people. All we had to go off of were conversations. Greg and Harry were completely in the dark. But we needed them together to make the arrest. What if Harry gets hurt? You’re at fault for that. My eyes widened at the thought. But if you had said nothing, Greg might’ve tracked Harry down and the outcome would’ve been so much worse. My conscience was trying to rationalize everything happening, but I couldn’t keep up.

“Y/N, I want you to go inside.” I looked over to Thompson to see his serious face.

“What?”

“You heard me,” He reached into the center console pulling out an earpiece and a body camera. “Here, put these on. And go.” I took the pieces with shaky hands. I strapped the camera onto my torso and stuck the piece in my ear.

“Ted,” Joe leaned through the seats from the back, ‘Are you sure about this?”

Thompson looked at Joe with enough blaze in his eyes to put hell to shame. “Yes, she’s discreet enough to not be seen.”

My body was on autopilot walking into the bar. I looked around. Derek had strategically placed himself and Greg at the bar near the bathroom. Niall had taken Harry to the opposite side of the bar. Niall looked in my direction with wide eyes. I hurried to the corner, narrowly avoiding Harry’s eyes as he turned around. I could still hear everything from Niall and Derek’s mics. I was the eyes of the men in the van.

“Hey, I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” I could just make out Harry’s voice above the music and other people talking. I pulled my hood up and looked at the table, catching his feet walking passed. I angled the camera to follow him, hopefully.

I saw Greg take a glance over his shoulder at the passing body. “I gotta take a piss.” Spotted. Greg had spotted Harry. Greg got up from his stool and followed behind Harry.

“Derek, go wait about 6 feet from the bathroom, let us know what happens but don’t do anything. We don’t want you getting hurt. Horan make your way outside to the east alley. That’s the only other door to the bar. Y/N, stay there.”

“Got it” “Moving” Derek and Niall’s voices filtered through the noise. Niall made his way out the front door. My mind went to the alley. The same alley where Harry looked defeated. The same alley we fought because of my job. The same alley he could’ve been killed if I hadn’t been there.

“They’re moving, heading towards a side door,” Derek stated, making me forget anything I was thinking. I felt the color drain from my face. I saw Greg and Harry walking down the hallway.

The door burst open. The last thing being seen was Harry being shoved to the ground as it slammed shut. I felt my heart break at the scene. I couldn’t hear what was being said. Niall was too far away,

“Move!” Thompson screamed; my eardrum felt like it was about to bust. I heard a gunshot go off. Muffled voices and commotion coming through my earpiece.

I got up, grabbed Derek by the forearm, and rushed out the front, knocking a few people out of the way. People on the block were ducking for cover or scrambling into the nearest open shop.

By the time we got to the corner of the building, Greg was being put into handcuffs. Niall helped Harry up and placed his hands on his shoulder. “You okay?” Harry nodded, blank-faced.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head to look at Thompson. “Good job, kid.” It was short, but it made me feel secure. I did something right. “Come on,” Thompson ushered me back to the van. Derek walked towards Niall, Harry, and the other men.

I walked towards the van and clutched the door handle. I turned my face towards the alley. My heartbeat sped up as I locked eyes with familiar olive ones. I sighed and pulled open the door, climbing in.

Looking back to the alley, Niall, Harry, and Derek were walking toward the street. Niall gave a thumbs up in our direction. “Horan, you can take Harry home, or to another bar. I will sweep the area before we leave.” As Thompson continued talking my eyes glazed over, thinking about how crazy tonight had been. Derek helped save Harry’s life. Niall helped save Harry’s life. I saved Harry’s life. Who knows what would’ve happened if Greg found him out and about by himself?

I watched as the three boys disappeared down the road. Who knows where to? Harry was glancing back every few seconds. Almost as if to convince himself he saw me. And Derek, well, he had just made friends with my coworker and Harry. The men in suits walked Greg across the street towards the van behind us. “The boys are going to take Greg in that van. Do you want me to take you home?”

“Ted,” Joe spoke from the back, “I’ll take her.” My eyes shifted between Thompson, and Joe. Thompson pursed his lips, giving Joe a nod. “Come on, kid,” Joe said as he pats my shoulder. I took the body cam and earpiece off and handed them to Thompson.

“I’ll see you Monday,” Thompson spoke slowly as I opened the van door. I nodded at him before shutting the door. What happens to my job now?

“You need a drink,” Joe commented and motioned towards a bar across the street. I didn’t say a word as we began walking towards the entrance of the bar.

We sat at a table near the back, waiting for our drinks. “So,” Joe started. “How are you?” How am I? Really?

“I’m okay,” And it was true. I was okay. I had my breath back, the boy I had fallen for was safe, the guy who was wanted for trying to kill said boy was being put away, and I’d be okay if I had to transfer or be fired if it meant I could leave everything that had happened in the past.

“Y/N, I’m not your boss. You can talk to me. Person to person.” Joe smiled, putting a comforting hand atop mine on the table.

“Honestly?” I asked. Joe nodded, giving me the go-ahead. “I’m so exhausted and disappointed.”

“Disappointed? With what?” He asked, grasping his drink after the waitress sat it down. Joe thanked her before turning his attention back to me.

“I’m so disappointed in myself,” I stated.

“Why? You’ve done brilliant work. I would know. We’ve been watching you since you got hired.”

I let the confused expression on my face speak for itself. Completely ignoring his second statement I questioned him, “You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Know about what I did.” It was Joe’s turn to be confused. “How I completely messed up my mission by putting my feelings above my job. How I couldn’t keep it together. How I let myself, Harry and the FBI down. How – “

“Woah Woah Woah, Y/N. Slow down.” Joe laughed. “What are you talking about? You didn’t let anyone down.” He paused, glancing at the glasses between us, “Look. I’ve worked with the Styles’ for over 5 years. Sometimes we have to do dreadful things in order to get good results. When that happens, we often forget all the wonderful things we did. You did a good job, Y/N. Don’t sell yourself short. And don’t let anyone else either.”

“But what about Harry?”

“Harry? Honey, that kid's crazy about you. He’d be crazy to let you go.” I took a sip of the rum and coke I had ordered. I had grown to like them after having tasted it on Harry’s lips at the benefit. “After seeing you two gallivanting around at the benefit, we all knew.”

“Knew what?” I asked, taking another look around the room. Young couples all around. Being handsy under the table, whispering into each other’s ears, grabbing each other’s hands to pull the other towards the door.

“We all knew that something real would happen.” I let my gaze settle on Joe again. “You were scared, and that’s why you ran and caused some trouble. Stop running. He might surprise you.” Joe dropped the subject after that and refused to answer any of my cut-off questions. He brought our attention back to work and regular life. We finished our drinks and walked outside. The cool air felt nice on my warm skin.

He pulled out his car keys and unlocked the Mercedes sitting in front of us. “When Ted called me about this, I knew I was going to pull you aside.” He shrugged off my unasked question. I pulled open the door and slid in. The drive was short and quiet. The only sound being the soft playing radio tuned to the Queen station on SiriusXM. “I’ll see you soon, kid.” Joe winked when he pulled up to my building. I gave him a tight-lipped smile and got out, taking a deep breath before walking up to my apartment.

I pulled out my keys and turned to the stairwell when I heard footsteps coming behind me. “There you are,” I twisted to see Derek walking up the steps. “Been waiting for you to get back. That was crazy, right?” I laughed as I unlocked the door.

“Wild.”

***

It was exactly 8 O’clock on Monday when I looked at the clock on the wall. The atmosphere of the conference room brought me back to the first time I had an interview with Thompson. His demeanor was tough, cold, and stern. My nerves reminded me even more of that day. My legs bounced under the table, my palms were sweating, and my eyes couldn’t settle on a single object for too long. I was completely prepared to possibly turn in my badge, gun, and ID.

When Thompson entered the room, his intimidating nature followed. He closed the door and sat across from me at the table, setting some papers down between us.

“Miss. Y/L/N,” Thompson started, taking a second to clear his throat. “Good morning.”

“Good morning, Mr. Thompson,” I greeted him, exhaling a shaky breath.

“How are you?” I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. How am I? That’s how you want to start my termination?

“I’m – I’m nervous,” I confessed.

“Nervous?” he casually asked. “Why are you nervous?” Thompson started shuffling the papers he had laid on the table. I glanced at them, trying to figure out if they were the agreements I signed when I first started.

“I – “ I pointed to myself, “Am I getting fired?”

Thompson snickered at my question. “Fired? Why would we fire you?”

“I thought – “ I paused, blinking harshly. Am I being punked? “since Har – Mr. Styles found out. I thought I would be fired.”

“Y/N, Mr. Styles has made it very clear we would be stupid to fire you.”

“What?” The question fell from my lips. I was taken aback. Why would Harry tell them not to fire me?

“When Niall called to tell us he let it slip last week, we called in Mr. Styles to talk about it and explain why we did it.” Thompson started, “We talked about suspending your employment for 6 months or transferring you out of D.C. He was pretty adamant about it. But Mr. Styles came in yesterday, unannounced I might add, to tell us if we suspended you or transferred you, well. We’d be out of our minds. In better terms.”

I fell back into my chair. So I’m not fired? Thompson answered my question before I could ask, “We’d be stupid to let you go. Especially after Saturday night.” My eyes flicked to his. “Y/N, one thing I noticed when we first met was how much you reminded me... of me. You are strong, ambitious, willing to do whatever it takes. Those are qualities we need in this job.”

“So, I’m not fired?”

“No,” he laughed, shaking his head. “But we’ll be putting you on desk duty for the next two weeks. For disobeying orders of the mission.” Damn it.

I nodded my head, accepting my two-week punishment. “Thank you, Mr. Thompson.”

“Don’t thank me.” He said, waving me off. “Thank Mr. Styles.” He dismissed me and I picked up my bag, ready to head for the door. “And Miss. Y/L/N,” Thompson said, stopping me. “Don’t mess it up.”

I left the conference room confused. Why would Harry save my job?

I took a seat at my desk and pulled up the database. Researching was tough, but even more so when my mind kept wandering to Harry. Why’d he do it? Why would he come in here to tell them not to fire me? Maybe because you saved his life. Who knows what Niall or Derek told him? The questions filled my mind for the rest of the day. So much so, I could barely get any work done.

***

I left the office after a few of hours of researching some wanted suspects. I found myself strolling the streets, coming to a halt as I passed the café where Harry and I first met. I wandered inside and ordered a grande iced vanilla soy latte. A drink I genuinely came to enjoy from my times with Harry. When my order came up, I took a glance around the café to pick a place to sit. My eyes landed on a familiar stranger facing the window.

Stop running, Y/N.

I took a seat next to him at the bar, sitting my coffee down, and facing the man. I propped my head on my hand, with my elbow resting on the bar top. “Is this seat taken?” I asked him.

He cracked a smile at me, turning his face to me. “How’d you find me this time?” Harry probed.

“Oh, I didn’t,” I laughed. “I just came here for some coffee. I had a fantastic first ‘date’ here.” I said putting air quotes around the word date. A comfortable silence fell over us. “Why’d you do it?”

“Why’d I do what?” he asked, grabbing his cup to take a sip of his coffee.

“Why’d you save my job?” I asked, dropping my hand, so it hung over the edge of the bar.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, you were pissed at me,” I stated raising my eyebrows.

“Yeah, I was.” He confirmed. “But also, after last Thursday – and Saturday for that matter – I started thinking. And I realized that everyone, at some point, is going to hurt you. Even the people who truly care about you and want what’s best for you. We can’t control that. What we can control, though, is how we react to that, and we get to determine if the person who hurt us is worth it.”

“What’d you come up with?”

“I came up with some people are. The people that make you look at yourself and want to be a better person.”

I stared at him for a few seconds, before taking a deep breath. “Harry I – “

“I don’t want you to tell me you’re sorry, Y/N. You’ve already said it.”

“What do you want me to say then?”

“I want you to tell me what you want.” I scrunched my face at his request. “Thursday night you told me this isn’t what you wanted. So tell me what you want.”

“I want us to start over. I want you to know my actual life.”

Harry stuck his hand out to me, “Hi, I’m Harry. And you are?”

I looked at his hand before taking it in my own, “I’m Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Hi Y/N, I’m the President’s son. What do you do for a living?” He let go of my hand and placed it around his cup.

“I work for the FBI,” I smirked.

“Oh, that’s nice. I’ve heard outstanding things about their work. An agent saved me.”

“Saved you?” I giggled.

“In a way, she saved me from myself, really. I was a proper mess.” He broke into a grin and laughed.

“Oh, really?” I laughed with him.

“She kind of made me realize that I was, yeah.” He looked down at his thighs before his jade eyes met mine. “Do you want to go for a walk?” I nodded as he started to get up. He held the door open for me. We walked out and he interlocked our fingers, rubbing circles into the back of my hand.

We started down the street. I pulled his hand as I stopped on the sidewalk. “Hey, Harry?” I bit my lip and looked at my feet. “Are you sober right now?”

“Yeah?” His eyes held the confusion that laced his voice. I reached for his face and pulled his lips to mine. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into him. He pulled away briefly, “At least we don’t have to worry about them,” He mumbled, nodding his head toward the blacked-out SUV sitting across the street. I giggled as he pulled me back for another kiss.

Maybe, just maybe, we could be real.

#Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles writing #harry styles au #harry styles au meme #harry #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x ofc #harry styles x you #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #pypfc #come talk to me

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Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Chapter 11

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 8,761

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

“Please, Ray, think of the child!”

“I am! Cuz this is my last few months of freedom!”

It was getting late and things were winding down now in 7th Heaven. Most of the gang from the mall had already split and there were just a few stragglers left. It may have come as a shock to find me among them. Or maybe not, given Anna and I were carpooling and my little sister had never, ever been one to call it an early night.

Rayne apparently wasn’t ready for the party to be over yet either. Much to Riku’s dismay, she had climbed up onto a table for what was probably now the sixth time tonight and was rocking her best dancing queen moves. I snorted as I watched her work it, always managing to boogie-dodge out of the way whenever Riku would make a desperate grab for her ankles. I was almost surprised Anna wasn’t up there cutting the proverbial rug with her right now like she had been earlier.

“Trying to wrangle the wife so you two can head out for the night?” I asked, stepping up beside Riku.

His shoulders slumped as he released a long suffering sigh, “Yeah, if only she’d stand still long enough.” Once again his hand swiped out and once again she evaded him with ease as she razzed her tongue at him before spinning around to shake her munny-maker in his general direction. “Now she’s just taunting me,” he grumbled.

I brought a hand up to hide my grin. “Need help?”

“Nah, I got it.” He glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes. “You catching a ride home with us tonight?”

“No thanks,” I shook my head. “Anna is more alcohol than person at this point. She has no business being behind a wheel, so she’s going to need me to drive her. Will it be okay if she sleeps on your couch?”

He nodded, “Fine by me. Sure you yourself are good to drive?”

I cocked an eyebrow at him. “If you’re referring to that one sip I had on the karaoke stage, that was hours ago. Trust me, I’m good.” Looking around, I then asked, “Any idea where Anna may have gotten off to?”

“Haven’t seen her for a while now, but I’m sure she’ll turn up. Maybe check with-”

“Catch me!”

Eyes going round, Riku hastily threw his arms out just in time for Rayne to land in them princess-style. Giggling, she wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a loud smooch on his cheek. He gave an amused huff through his nose, muttering, “Woman, you’re gonna be the death of me.”

“And you’ll love every minute of it, my knight in shining armor,” she cooed, hugging him tighter and nuzzling her face into his neck.

He snerked, closing his eyes. “You’re right. Probably need my head examined.”

I felt a tug at one corner of my mouth. “Looks like you have your hands full with this one, Riku. Good luck.”

“Eh, it’s just this place. She’ll be all sobered up by the time we’re on the road. Speaking of which, we should probably get going.” Still carrying her, he started to turn to leave but then stopped and peered back at me with a smile. “Oh, and Elsa? Great job at the mic tonight. You were amazing.”

I blinked, then looked down with a weak chuckle. “No, not really.”

He gave my leg a friendly nudge with his shoe, seeing as how his hands were otherwise occupied. “Yes, really. Anyway, see you back at home.”

“Hi-ho Silver, away!” Rayne cried, jabbing a finger out and kicking up a leg.

“If you’re expecting me to gallop and whinny, sorry, not happening,” Riku said flatly as he started making his way towards the door.

“Aw, please?” she dragged out the word and I could all but hear the pout in her voice.

I hummed a soft laugh as I watched them go. I’d said it before and I’ll say it again… they really were so sweet. It was hard not to envy them and what they had, the relationship and life they’d built together. I wondered if I could ever have anything like that with someone. I mean, I’d had my chance with my ex and had blown it. I’d never felt anything even remotely like that for him in the years we’d been together. Could I if the right person came along? Or was I just…

...not built that way?

In any case, this wasn’t the time to be thinking about such things. Romance was the least of my worries at the moment. What with having made the wholly unwise and completely spur of the moment decision to turn my entire life utterly upside down, there were much more pressing matters to deal with.

Not the least of which was locating one rambunctious and currently quite heavily sauced little sister.

Now where to even start looking? Hmmm… pretty sure I’d seen her last holed up in one of the booths with Xion, heads hunched together, whispering and cackling about something. What exactly? Not entirely sure. Part of me had been a little too afraid to find out. Either way, checking in with Xion would probably be my best bet. I knew she’d been making the rounds and saying good night to everyone, but I didn’t think she’d left just yet.

It took a few minutes as the bar was still pretty jam packed, but I finally caught sight of her over by the arcade machines chatting with Olette and Hayner. She waved goodbye to the other two before turning and spotting me as I approached. “Oh hiya!” she smiled broadly. “Glad you decided to join us tonight, hope you had fun!”

I smiled back, “I did, thanks.” And I wasn’t just being polite. Oddly enough, I actually meant it. “So hey, any clue where Anna might be?”

She pursed her lips to one side, giving a low hum before at last shaking her head. “Nope! Sorry. She and I were hanging out a bit ago, but then she ran off. Haven’t seen her since. Why don’t you try calling her? You’re still phoneless, right?” She dug hers out of one of her pockets. “Here, use mine.”

I took it from her and almost dropped it when it immediately started vibrating against my palm. The screen lit up with Anna’s name and a photo selfie of her next to Xion in one of the booths here, both posing with duck face and white girl gangsta hand gestures. Speak of the devil. Apparently, the phone was receiving an incoming call from my sister. I arched an eyebrow up at Xion, to which she just laughed, “Oh yeah, we exchanged numbers. Perfect timing, huh?”

Perfecting timing indeed.

Shrugging it off, I pressed the green button and brought the device up to my ear, “Anna?”

A loud dramatic gasp came through from the other end, “Xi-Xi! Has anyone ever told you that you sound exactly like my sister?”

My eyelids drooped. “This is your sister.”

Another gasp. “Sis! Has anyone ever told you that you sound exactly like Xi-Xi doing a spot on impression of you?”

“You’d be the first,” I rolled my eyes, squinting as I took another quick glance around the pub. “Where are you? We should probably get going.”

“But I am going!” her voice slurred through the speaker. “I’m already loooooong gone, baby, woo!”

“Oh, no doubt about that,” I snerked. Xion pointed over to Meg and Tiana, indicating she wanted to catch them before they left and I nodded as she walked off. “But no, I mean going as in driving. You know, like in a car? Beep beep, vroom vroom?”

She huffed, “But that’s what I’m saying! I am in a car with all the beep beeps and vroom vrooms!”

My eyebrows knit together. “You are? With who?”

“Ray-Ray and Ri-Ri of course!” she chirped.

Anna was oh so clever and original at coming up with nicknames, if you hadn’t guessed by this point. “What? But I told Riku I’d be driving you. Like, not even five minutes ago.”

“Yeah, I caught them as they were leaving and Ri-Ri said something about that, but told him I figured I’d just snag a ride with them cuz you decided to stay a tad longer to hang out with yo peeps!”

“Oh I did, did I?” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Funny, I don’t remember saying anything like that.”

“Well, no, not in so many words, but I knew. I could tell. Sisterly intu… intu-ish-ish, uh…” she sluggishly stumbled over the word for a bit before instead settling on, “I’m psychic!”

“I see. Fine then, oh great and powerful reader of minds, what am I thinking about right this second?”

There was a pause. Then, “You’re thinking… no, wondering… how… glue doesn’t stick to the inside of its own bottle?”

“No.” Well… yes actually, since she’d brought it up, now I was. But Anna didn’t need to know that! “I’m wondering where the keys to your car are.”

“Oh!” Another pause, then some shuffling noises followed by a loud jangle. “Right here!”

I frowned, heaving a sigh through my nose. “Perfect. So then tell me, Anna, because I’d really love to know… how am I supposed to get home?”

“Easy peasy lemon squeezy! Just ask someone there to take ya. Oh oh, ask Xi-Xi! Besides, you shouldn’t be driving anyway, ya boozehound!”

“Oh my god, it was just one sip!” I facepalmed. “Look, can you just put Riku on the phone? You guys can’t have driven that far yet, I’m sure he won’t mind turning around. Besides, we shouldn’t just leave your car here overnight.”

She scoffed, “It’ll be fine, I can get it in the morning!”

“Anna, please, can you just hand the phone to-”

“What was that?” she asked before making a loud, crackly hiss through her teeth in a super obvious and super fake attempt at static noises. “Sis? You’re breaking up! I’m going through a tunnel, I can’t-” More hissing followed by a long beep, presumably Anna pressing down on what she thought was the ‘End Call’ button. It wasn’t. “...hehehe, all according to plan.”

 “You know I’m still here and can still hear you, right?” I deadpanned.

“Gah!” Another beep and the line actually went dead this time.

I pulled the phone away from my ear to narrow my eyes down at it.

What were you up to, brat?

“So!” Xion beamed as she abruptly popped back up in front of me, making me jump as my hand flew up to my chest. “Looks like you’re hitching a ride with me!”

My brow furrowed, “How did you-?”

“We better hit the road then!” she took her phone back as she slung her other arm around my shoulders, making me stagger into a walk beside her as she directed us towards the exit. “I gave the boys my keys so they could let themselves into the car, so they should already be all buckled in and good to go!”

Okay, something was beyond fishy here.

I started reaching towards her hand to remove it, “Thank you, but this isn’t necessary. Could I just maybe borrow your phone again and try Riku’s or Rayne’s numbers directly? I don’t want to be any trouble, really.”

“Nonsense!” She swatted my hand away before barreling us through the door and out into the night. “No trouble at all! I’m only too happy to drive you. Besides, with all that testosterone swimming in giggle juice stuffed into one teeny-tiny car, I’m grateful for another sane female presence. Trust me, you’re doing me a favor!”

As we made our way down the steps and into the parking lot, I tried again, “But-”

“Arr, avast ye scallywags!” Roxas suddenly jumped out in front of us from between two cars, earning a yelp from the both of us. He drunkenly wobbled into a battle stance, brandishing a broken tree branch in our faces. “Surrender yer booty or taste the cold steel of my blade, yar!”

Xion fixed him with a dull stare and crossed her arms. “Roxas, that’s a stick.”

“Wha?” Blinking groggily at his makeshift weapon a couple times, he then shouted, “Think fast!” He chucked it, missing us by miles and instead hitting some random car, setting off its alarm. Then he sniggered and spun around to make a break for it, only to trip over his own two feet and hit the asphalt hard. He hiccuped before calling out a weak, “I’m okay!” Scrambling to his feet once more, he managed to stumble across Xion’s Prius a few vehicles down and dive (well… more like fall) head first through one of the backseat windows, shoes flailing about wildly in the air for a few seconds before getting pulled inside with the rest of him.

Her lips flapped as she puffed out a breath. “Ugh, Rox is such a lightweight. At least Lea knows how to hold his hooch a little better. But see? See what I have to put up with?” She pressed her palms together and held them up under her chin, “Please, please just let me give you a ride home so you can keep those baboons from driving me bonkers.”

My lips pressed into a thin line. “...oh, alright.” Then I scraped together a small smile, “Thanks.” 

“Yes!” she pumped her fist before she resumed walking and I reluctantly followed. “And don’t mention it!”

As I gave her my address to put in her phone for directions, we walked around behind her car and I looked longingly at Anna’s Porsche, just one space over. So close, I could reach out and touch it. Ugh. Besides not being able to quite shake the feeling that I was wandering headlong into a carefully laid trap courtesy of Anna and I was beginning to strongly suspect Xion too, I’d just plain had enough of being around people for one night. My social battery was depleted and in serious need of recharging, so even something so simple as a car ride with others sounded like a lot.

Hmm... wonder what my chances of success would be if I tried to break in and hotwire Anna’s car?

Probably not the best considering when it came to grand theft auto, I didn’t have the foggiest of where to even begin. But hey, someone had to be the first to figure out how to start up a car sans keys. And that person wouldn’t have even had Youtube tutorial videos to help them through the whole process, so who knew, maybe I had a shot.

Meh. I should just suck it up and go with Xion. Ten more minutes of human interaction wasn’t going to kill me.

...famous last words.

Xion opened the door to the backseat and held out her hand to whoever was seated inside, curling and uncurling her fingers a couple times. “Keys.”

Another hand stretched out from within the car, dropping the requested item into her awaiting palm with a muted clink. As the arm was pulled back inside, it was replaced by a fiery head of hair poking out to quirk an eyebrow back at me. “El?” Lea called out. “What’re you doing here?”

Xion stepped aside so I could walk up, coming to a stop between the open door and where he was buckled in in the back. With a tiny, awkward laugh, I said, “It, uh… looks like I’ll be catching a ride with you guys tonight.”

“Oh?” he smiled up at me, but then it quickly faded. “But there’s not really space…”

“There’s not?” I frowned, bowing down a bit to get a better look into the car. Sitting next to Lea were two Roxases. Or rather… I guess one was his brother… Ventus, was it? I didn’t know them well enough yet to tell which was which. Drat, I couldn’t even remember what Roxas had been wearing thirty seconds ago when he’d tried to hold us up at stick-point. And neither one was in their work clothes, so I didn’t even have that as a clue. As for the front passenger spot, that was already occupied as well. Naminé had twisted around her seat there to give me a wave with a warm grin.

“Oopsie,” Xion singsonged behind me a touch too innocently, “looks like I miscalculated available car space!”

I turned to squint suspiciously at her. “You told me you needed another,” here I used finger quotes, “sane female presence in the car with you.”

“Yeah, another. Never said anything about you being the only one.”

My gaze shot skyward as I released a soft huff. “Well… thanks anyway, but looks like I’ll be needing Riku to come back for me after all. Could someone lend me their phone please?”

“Nah, it’s fine, don’t make him drive all the way here again,” Lea batted a hand and started reaching for his seatbelt. “El, take my seat, I’ll just walk back to my place, it’s not that far.”

“Please, I’m not letting you walk your drunk ass home in the middle of the night,” Xion said sternly.

“Yeah, we’ll just stuff your drunk ass into the trunk instead!” Roxas (or was it Ventus?) cackled beside him.

He snorted, “Like I’d even fit in there. If anyone’s going in the trunk, it’s Nams. She’s the smallest.”

She blinked back at the boys before tapping a finger to her chin, “Well, I guess if it’ll make everything easier…”

“No one’s going in the trunk, Nams, he was joking,” Xion rolled her eyes.

I decided to try again, “Now about that phone?”

“Worry not! We can make this work,” Xion smirked and I didn't like that sudden gleam in her eye. “It’ll just get a lil cozy, but that’s okay. We’re all friends here, right? Right.” And with that, her hands shot forward, shoving me into a backward stumble.

And straight into Lea’s lap.

I felt his whole body jerk and tense beneath mine. As my brain was still trying to catch up and process what exactly it was that had just happened, Xion cooed all sugary sweet like, “Watch your toesies there,” lightly kicking my feet in along with the rest of me before slamming the car door shut.

“Xion!” Lea yelled, grabbing the door handle and yanking on it several times, but it remained shut tight. “This isn’t funny! Open the door!” She just brought her face down to the window, sticking her tongue out as she waggled her fingers at him before skipping off around to the other side of the car. He banged his fist against the window glass, “Damn it!”

Oh no…

Oh.

No.

“W-what’s wrong with the door?” I asked, my breathing growing rapid as I pulled on the handle a few times myself, but still it didn’t budge. “Is it stuck?”

Lea flopped his head back against the headrest, raking his fingers through his hair as he grumbled, “Child lock.”

“Yup!” piped Xion as she plopped down into the driver's seat, buckling herself in. “Rox here has tried one too many times now to jump outta a moving vehicle while plastered.”

“Keep telling ya, I’ll be fine!” the one next to the other backseat window snapped. Guess that’d make him Roxas.

She snorted, turning the key in the ignition. “For the last time, no, you won’t. Being three sheets to the wind doesn’t make you as invulnerable as you seem to think it does, sorry bud.”

I barely heard a word that was being said, heart thudding loudly now as my fingers frantically and repeatedly pressed the window button. I was not above climbing out that way to escape! However, the window remained firmly closed and I heard the one opposite of us rolling up as well.

I caught Naminé casting me a look of concern through the rearview mirror before she glanced at Xion, “Um… maybe this isn’t really the best id-”

“Shush, it’ll be fine!” Xion brushed her off before backing the car out of the parking space. “And we’re off!”

Oh god, oh god, oh god, this was really happening. I rigidly sat as far forward on his legs as I could, self-consciously tugging at the hem of my mini skirt. I still hadn’t purchased any tights to wear under them, so there was also that. 

Worst. 

Work attire. 

Ever. 

I stopped fussing with it, instead concentrating on sitting as still as humanly possible, planting my elbows on my knees and clasping my hands over my nose, mouth, and searing cheeks.

Breathe. Breathe. Okay, Elsa, calm down. This isn’t another person you’re sitting on. It’s a chair. Just… just a chair…

A very warm, firm, shifting, breathing, distressingly person-shaped chair.

Yeah, no, that wasn’t helping.

My eyes screwed tightly shut.

Alright, okay, try this instead! Just picture like you’re a child again, sitting on Santa's lap and telling him what you want for Christmas!

...except I’d always been terrified of Santa Claus as a kid and had screamed bloody murder until they’d take me away from him.

Ugh, this wasn’t working! Were we there yet? Was it almost over? Please, oh please let us almost be back to the apartment!

I peeked one eye open and...

We weren’t. In fact, we’d just barely left the parking lot and were waiting at a light. Out of my peripheral, I saw Lea’s hands hovering about awkwardly, clearly not sure what to do with them. At last, he settled on one grabbing the edge of the seat to the left of his knees while the other fumbled about against the door, the window, the ceiling, basically trying to be anywhere but on me.

This was awful. One could all but choke on the sheer amount of awkward, it was so palpable. This was one hundred and ten percent the type of situation I would usually nopety-nope the hell out of faster than you could say ‘panic attack’. But I couldn’t! I was trapped! No way out!

Except… hold up, maybe there was one way out… it was a long shot, but...

Squeezing my eyes shut once again, I clicked my heels together three times.

There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home…

I peeked one eye open.

Fudge, still here.

Maybe it’d help if I actually had ruby slippers.

Stupid, useless, non-magical, suede ankle boots. 

“I’m really sorry about this,” I heard Lea mumble behind me.

I twitched, then quickly shook my head, “Don’t be, it’s not-”

“Sweet! Light’s green!” Xion whooped before slamming the pedal to the metal.

The car leapt forward, knocking me into a backward slide along Lea’s lap, my back thumping against his chest. I heard him suck in a sharp breath and groan softly, his hand on the seat cushion gripping harder. I stammered, “S-sorry, did I hurt you?”

Voice somewhat strained, he said, “No, not at all, it’s, er… hm, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” His breath tickled against my neck and shoulder, making me shiver and my blush burn hotter. It was a wonder my whole body wasn’t glowing in the dark at this point. “Your, ah… your hair… may I ask the, um… the scent?”

Oh gosh, he must have gotten a face full of ponytail when I had been thrown up against him just now. “Snowberry? I believe is the, erm… the flavor of shampoo.” I winced. “Not flavor! D-don’t know why I said that, I don’t know what it tastes like! Not like I go around eating shampoo, who would do that? Crazy people, that’s who! I’m perfectly normal and eat normal things like-” Ugh, stop rambling! You may not eat shampoo, but you’re definitely sounding like a crazy person right now! “Nevermind. Anyway, sorry… I know it- the shampoo that is... that the smell tends to be a bit strong.”

“No, no, it’s, uh…” he cleared his throat, “... it’s nice. Very-”

There was a loud thud that jolted the whole car, making me bounce in his lap, much to my utter horror. I heard a tiny whimper from Lea as his knuckles started turning white. 

“Sorry,” Xion laughed, “pothole!”

Oh, Xion. Dear, sweet Xion… what did I ever do to you to deserve all this? Did I mess up one of your ice cream orders? Give you a sugar cone when you had wanted waffle? Or only two scoops when you had asked for three? Served you a Sea Salt that was an insultingly subpar shade of blue?

And Anna… oh-ho, trust me, this little stunt had that hellion’s name written all over it, no doubt about that. I don’t know what she was even trying to accomplish here, but when I got my hands on her… sorry, Mother, Father, but your littlest would be coming home to you in a friggin’ body bag.

“So Lea,” Ventus elbowed him in the arm abruptly, “I feel like you and I don’t get to talk much, like, ever. Figure now’s a good a time as any to fix that. So tell me, buddy, cuz I really wanna know…” his lips curled wickedly as he leaned in closer to him, eyebrows waggling, “...what’s up?”

Lea shoved him away and into Roxas, who snickered, “Ooo, sore subject, I take it? Don’t worry about it, big guy. Too much booze can do that to man and-”

A second, more forceful shove from Lea, this time knocking the twins’ heads together with a satisfying smack as he snarled, “If you two twerps don’t cram it, I’m gonna-”

“Oopsie, stop sign!” Xion announced brightly, stomping down on the brakes hard.

As the tires squealed to a stop, I flew forward, but was saved by Lea’s arm instinctively latching around my waist. He breathed a sigh of relief, but then his muscles stiffened. “S-sorry,” he hastily removed his hand from my hip… only to rest it on my bare thigh instead. Instantly realizing his mistake, another louder, more panicked, “Sorry!” as he jerked the hand away, electing to jam it under his leg instead.

One had to wonder what the boiling point of human was, because at the rate my head-to-toe blush was going, I had to be fast approaching it.

“Onward!” Xion cheerfully boomed, flooring it once more, flinging me back and starting the whole cycle anew.

The rest of the trip probably lasted only a grand total of five more minutes. However, it felt like five centuries, with a decade tacked on for every sudden acceleration, sharp turn or jerky stop. I swear Xion was purposely seeking out every last dang bump and ditch in the stupid road. I never even realized there were so many! If I hadn’t known any better, I’d have suspected her of doubling back to hit some of them twice.

Finally, after what seemed like an absolute gut-wrenching eternity, she mercifully sang out a chipper, “Here we are!” as we pulled into the parking lot for my apartment complex.

Oh thank goodness!

As we came to what had to be the smoothest stop the whole ride, I was already tugging on the door handle restlessly, impatient for Xion to release the infernal child lock. “Alright, alright, hold your horses,” she snerked, taking her sweet time to tap a button on her armrest. There was a click beside me and with one final pull of the handle, the car door popped open. In the blink of an eye, I was gone.

Road Runner, eat your heart out.

“Elsa, wait!” Lea called out behind me. 

I was feeling so humiliated, so mortified, so wanting to be anywhere but here in that exact second that nothing could have stopped me. Not hell or high water. Not the zombie apocalypse. Not an alien invasion. Not the inevitable heat death of the universe snuffing out all life and existence as we know it everywhere. Nothing.

Well… almost nothing.

Turns out the one thing that could stop me was a clattering sound, followed by a, “Motherfu-” then a heavy tumbling thud accompanied by a pained grunt, all topped off at the end with a tiny, almost inaudible “Ow.”

I froze a mere few inches short of the building entrance, my hand already reaching for the door - aka my ticket out of this nightmare - and haltingly glanced back over my shoulder. There Lea was, halfway out the car, back sprawled flat against the pavement, eyes squeezed shut in a grimace, feet still up inside the vehicle where they’d somehow gotten all tangled in the seatbelt.

...this… dork…

Despite every fiber of my being still telling me to run, something in me found the will to resist. Instead I turned and slowly, reluctantly walked back, coming to a stop beside him and squatting down, knees together and arms folded over them. “...you okay?”

His eyes snapped open and he blinked up at me a couple times, surprised to see me there. Then he scrabbled to get up, failed miserably due to the seatbelt predicament and instead just ended up flopping about like a hooked fish. Finally, feet still up above his head, he just settled for rolling over onto one side, propping himself up on an elbow while the other hand went to his head with a soft hiss. “Yeah, nothing bruised ‘sides my ego.” He paused, peeking at me out of the corner of his eye. “...are we?”

I stared blankly at him, slightly tipping my head to one side.

“Okay, that is,” he elaborated. “Please believe me, I had nothing to do with this, had zero clue what the, erm… seating arrangements were gonna be.” I looked away, feeling a now all too familiar warmth creeping back into my face as the corner of my lips pulled down. He was quick to add, “And make no mistake, the culprit will not go unpunished. Heads will roll. There will be repercussions, young lady!” he directed the last threat in a yell back towards the car.

“You’re not my real dad!” Xion shouted back and it was followed by a chorus of giggles from the rest of Prius’s occupants.

Lea hung his head and heaved a sigh. “I swear, I get no respect.”

I shifted one arm to prop my chin in my palm, fingers hiding a growing grin despite myself. I nodded, “...yeah. You and I... we’re okay.” I then turned my head to shoot a small glare back towards my apartment building, “I can’t say the same though for my own little troublemaker. Yours didn’t act alone and had an accomplice, one who’ll soon be reaping the excruciating consequences of her actions.”

“I pity anyone fool enough to provoke your wrath,” he chuckled.

“Trust me, I know how to bring the pain. She will rue the day.”

“Oh, I have no doubt about that.” There was a thunk as one of Lea’s feet suddenly fell free. It seemed Naminé, feeling sorry for the big lug, had sat up on her knees and flipped around, leaning over the back of her seat so she could disentwine his ankles from the impromptu snare. With one down, her fingers set to work on unwinding the other one. “Thanks Nams! Looks like I have a new bestie, cuz my current ones suck and/or are not long for this world.”

The car’s engine revved and abruptly rolled forward a few feet, dragging Lea with it. “Xion!” he snapped and the wheels screeched to a stop.

“Ven did it!” Xion blurted out, voice bubbling with laughter.

“Wha- Did not!”

“Don’t lie, I saw you,” an identical voice could be heard, tone colored by a smirk.

“You’re the liar, Rox!”

Again, the Prius started to inch forward. Reacting on impulse, my hands darted out and latched onto Lea’s wrists. That combined with a now distraught Naminé working feverishly to finish untangling the seatbelt finally had his other leg pulling loose. He was fast to hop up to his feet and as I straightened up to join him, he scratched the back of his head with a sheepish smile. “Heh, thanks! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a couple of ex-friends to brutally slaughter.”

And with that, he charged off in a blur after the car. Cackles and jeers from within echoed out into the night, mingled with the tires shrieking as Xion burned rubber to stay ahead of him. I shook my head, deciding to leave them to it as I turned my back on the scene and made my way inside.

I was still a little rattled from that whole… ahem, experience. My cheeks had yet to make a full recovery, still redder than molten magma and three times as hot. But hey, that was an improvement over the ten times as hot they’d been during the entire car ride, so… progress! Awesome. Not to mention I felt physically and emotionally exhausted and was pretty sure at least five years had been taken off my life. I was just about ready to curl up in bed and hibernate until next Spring.

But first I had a certain sister to march to the gallows.

After climbing several flights of stairs to reach the door to my apartment, I unlocked it and stepped inside to find the room dark. My hand groped about the wall for a second before locating and flicking the switch, light flooding the space.

“Do you have any idea what time it is you’re coming home, missy?”

Startled, I spun around to find Rayne seated at the dining table, arms crossed, eyes stern, and steaming mug resting atop a coaster in front of her. Yeesh, at this rate, my heart wasn’t going to hold out much longer. Hadn’t the poor, defenseless organ suffered enough scares for one evening? Eyelids drooping, I said, “I don’t know… maybe ten minutes after you got home?”

Her lips pursed to one side. “...touché.”

“So how long have you just been sitting here in the dark like a weirdo?” I asked as I dropped my keys onto the table and moved to the fridge, opening it up.

She shrugged and grinned, “Not long. Maybe a minute or two. Thought it really sold the whole vibe I was going for.”

“Oh, it did,” I pulled out a water bottle, nudging the door shut behind me as I unscrewed the cap. “Nice mother voice, by the way. That I’m-not-mad-just-disappointed tone of yours is really coming along quite beautifully.”

“Aw, thanks!”

This whole being her parenting test dummy thing was starting to get a bit out of hand. But eh, it sort of grows on you after a while.

“So where’s Riku? Surprised he’s not out here too, enabling your neurosis,” I quirked an eyebrow as I brought the water to my lips.

Rayne waved a dismissive hand, “Brushing his teeth and getting ready for bed.”

“And Anna?” Was kind of shocked the flat was as quiet as it was right now, given that the crimson tornado that was my sister was supposedly lurking about somewhere.

As if on cue, there was a rumbling, disembodied snuffle, followed by a mumbled, “...pink yetis… fluffy unicycles…”

She jerked a thumb over her shoulder. “Passed out stone cold on the couch like the absolute lush she is.”

Setting the plastic bottle down on the table, I went over to the sofa to discover Anna flopped there in an undignified heap, hair already knotted into a bedheaded rat’s nest, arms snuggling a pillow close as she snored and murmured more incoherent gibberish.

So even evil criminal masterminds looked all sweet and innocent while sleeping. Go figure.

“So you gonna fill me in?” Rayne asked, drawing my attention back to her.

My brow furrowed. “On what?”

She blew on her beverage before taking a careful sip, shooting me a deadpan look. “On whatever happened that has your cheeks lit up like a pair of stoplights and has you looking ready to strangle your lil sis.”

“Stopl-?!” I scoffed, turning my head to one side. Come on, face, you’re weak! Get your act together already. “My cheeks are fine and I most certainly do not want to strangle her.”

“Tell that to your hands.”

I looked down and said hands were clawed and halfway to Anna’s throat.

Hehe… how did those get there?

Hastily snatching them back to hide behind me, I just gave Rayne a feeble chuckle by way of answer. She patted the chair beside her, “Sit.”

I hesitated before doing as I was told. As I lowered myself into the seat, I pulled my hair free of its ponytail, my anxious fingers combing through the soft, platinum strands. My little talk with Lea after the whole ordeal had actually been rather comforting and an odd calm had managed to settle over me in the minutes since. I say ‘odd’ because it was me after all, the PanicBot 3000. However, now that I was running over the events again in my head and trying to figure out how to best put them into words, I could feel that calm fraying at the edges and beginning to unravel. 

Gnawing on my lower lip, I began, “So, you know... cars… right?”

Oh excellent. Off to a superb start here. Simply smashing.

She gave me a dull stare. “...I’m aware of the concept, yes.”

My hands, unable to keep still, moved to haphazardly weave my hair into a loose braid. “And you know how they have, uh… limited seating?” She merely gave a patient nod and here I struggled, feeling my cheeks crank up the heat again.

Damn it, face, what did we just talk about?! 

What little poise I had left suddenly ripped to tatters like tissue paper and I snapped, “Well I had to get home somehow, didn’t I? And you’d left and Anna’d left and, and the keys had left! I tried to get them to come back but Anna was too busy talking about glue and making static noises and- ugh, she can be such a- anyway, I considered hotwiring her car, obviously, but had to toss out that idea due to lack of tools or experience or, you know, actually knowing how to hotwire, so when Xion offered, I… well, there really was no other choice, was there? But there were no more- I shouldn’t have been surprised, really, I just knew something was up and oh-ho, you can bet she and Anna planned it all, but still, that doesn’t change the fact that I had to sit somewhere and there was really no other alternatives, I mean… okay, Xion? Driving. The twins? Twigs. Uncomfortable. And Naminé? So small, I would have crushed her. So, I guess, by process of elimination, when… when you really think about it, Lea was just the just most logical choice! I mean, I didn’t want to, I didn’t even know what was- not until it had already- and then once I was… ya know, there, Xion, she… she just kept stopping and starting and stopping and, and hitting every- it was like a damn bouncy castle in there! I wanted to leave, oh dear god, you have no idea how much I just wanted to leave, but I couldn’t because apparently Roxas likes to pull a friggin’ Superman or whatever on the highway whenever he’s-”

Rayne clamped a hand over my mouth, silencing me except for the loud, rapid breaths through my nose. Her eyes squinted at me. “So… cliff notes version? Xion gave you a ride home.”

Her palm still effectively muzzling me, I simply nodded.

“...but she already had a full car and there were no seats left?”

I nodded again, hands twisting and tugging on my now complete, if somewhat sloppy braid.

“So you had to sit,” here a slow smirk curled her lips, “on Lea.”

My head bobbed frantically now and I was jerking on the braid so hard, I was afraid I‘d rip it clean out of my scalp. 

She snerked. Then spluttered. Then busted up laughing, nearly falling out of her chair.

...so not cool.

I kicked her in the shin, shutting her up just as Anna shot up on the couch, disturbed from her slumber by all the noise. My sister looked around, all bleary-eyed and slack-jawed, doing her best zombie impersonation. Don’t think she’d quite made a full exit out of dreamland. She groggily turned her head towards us, smacked her lips and mumbled, “What’s the sum of pizza divided by the square root of sandwiches?”

We both blinked at her before I shrugged and Rayne shook her head.

“Chartreuse,” she enunciated slowly and with an air of authority. Then she flumped back down, snoring thunderously once more.

Rayne began to snicker again, more softly this time and I shoved away the hand that was still acting as a jury-rigged gag, huffing, “I fail to see what’s so funny about all this.”

Wiping the corners of her eyes, she tried to sober her expression but only ended up cracking up again, saying, “You gave Lea a lap dance!”

Just about every last ounce of blood in my body flooded up into my face. “Wha- I- He- I most certainly did not!”

Her hand now went to pat my shoulder, “Okay, okay, sweetie, just answer a few quick and simple questions for me. Were you or were you not in his lap?”

“Well, yes, technically, but-”

“And did you not dance in said lap?”

“No, I did no such-”

“Fine,” her hands came up in a placating gesture, “allow me to retract and rephrase the question. Was there not the shifting and moving of your body in his lap? Answer truthfully now,” she tacked on quickly as I opened my mouth, “for I do believe the term ‘bouncy castle’ was used earlier.”

My teeth clicked shut as I glowered at her. “...well, yes, I suppose there may have been some… inadvertent shifting, but-”

“And,” she pressed on gleefully, “is not ‘the moving and shifting of one’s body’ an acceptable, working definition of the word… dancing?”

I narrowed my eyes at her and said nothing.

She smugly relaxed back in her seat. “Let the record show the defendant is speechless. I rest my case.”

“...I really hate you right now,” I grumbled, snatching up my water bottle again and unscrewing the lid.

“Love ya too, sweetpea,” Rayne winked and blew me a kiss. She then fell silent for a second, eyeing me thoughtfully as I took a sip. Then, “You know Lea used to be a big ol’ man-slut?”

I choked.

Nope, still can’t breathe water yet.

Coughing and wheezing as I put my drink back down, I struggled to get out, “Excuse me?”

“Oh yeah,” she plonked her elbows on the table, chin nestled in her palms as she smiled big at me. “You know the type. Smooth talker, real charmer, taking a different girl back to his place every night. It was almost kind of amazing watching him work. He had it down to an art form, but not like in a sleazy douchebag way… he just loved the ladies and the ladies loved him, I suppose.”

“...okay?” Wasn’t quite sure why she was telling me this.

“And when you and him got left alone in the booth earlier tonight? Well there was a time not too long ago that the, ah… discourse between you two? Would have ended up a lot less vertical and a little more horizontal, if ya know what I’m saying,” she waggled her eyebrows at me.

I scoffed, “Please. I don’t care how much of a ladykiller he was, this is still me we’re talking about here.”

She gave a low hum at that. “True. Talk about unstoppable force meets immovable object. Now I’m actually pretty curious about how that all would’ve really played out.” Her shoulders shrugged, “Anyway, when he went back to college again, he decided to hang up his casanova hat. He really wanted to give his education a fair shake this time around, which to him meant cutting out all his vices and distractions, including women. None of us took him seriously at first, but he’s surprised us all by sticking to it. For over a year now, he’s been on his best behavior. A total priest.”

Huh. I do remember when he was telling me about going back to school, he did say something about dropping old habits… I guess maybe dating had been one of them?

Rayne gave an abrupt, tiny snerk, muffling it behind her knuckles. A crease formed between my eyebrows, “What?”

She shook her head, “Sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to laugh. You just, heh… looked a smidge disappointed there for a second.”

Annnnd there my cheeks went again. I swear, like a couple of furnaces, they were. Averting my gaze with a scowl, I said, “I’m not- ugh! I... was just trying to figure out where all this was coming from, why you felt the need to share.”

“Ah.” Her eyes crinkled and I got the feeling she didn’t quite fully believe me. Whatever, if seeing things that weren’t there made her happy, then more power to her. Let the crazy woman have her delusions. “I just wanted to give you some context. Knowing all that about Lea now, does it come as any real surprise then that Xion decided to have some fun at his expense tonight by testing his resolve and literally dropping a cute girl in his lap that he obviously has a little crush on?”

Those furnaces exploded into a fiery wreckage. “He- he absolutely does not!” I take it back. The crazy woman needs to have her delusions confiscated, no good can come from them in her demented hands! “This isn’t kindergarten, please! He hardly even knows me.”

“That’s the thing about crushes, boo. You don’t have to really know the person,” she flashed a cheshire grin and poked me in the nose, “just think they’re a total cutie-patootie! And trust me, the minute those sweet, candy lips of yours found their way to his on that fateful day, that poor boy was a goner.”

I rolled my eyes, “Oh shush, you’re just being silly now.”

“Am not. In fact, betcha that’s why Anna was Xion’s cohort in all of this. She wanted to play cupid.”

“No, Anna was just sowing chaos and mayhem like the demon imp she is because that’s what Anna does best,” I shot my sister an accusatory glance. In response, she defended herself most eloquently by snoring louder. Returning my attention to Rayne, I sighed, “Seriously, Lea doesn’t see me that way. We’re just friends.”

“You’d be singing a different tune if you saw the way he was looking at you during karaoke,” she lilted playfully.

Voice flat, I said, “What, like I was some kind of tone-deaf walrus?”

She gave a soft tch, “Girl, don’t even. Self-deprecating isn’t a good color on you. You crushed it, and I mean crushed it. And you know I never sugarcoat things, so you know I’m telling the truth! But no, I was talking specifically about during the second verse of the song.”

“The second…?” I frowned, thinking back. “...you mean the part where I got embarrassed by the lyrics and closed my eyes?”

Rayne nodded, “Mm-hm. And do you know what else you were doing?”

“Um…” Was this a trick question? “...singing?”

“And?” she prompted. I just stared at her blankly. Both eyebrows shot up her forehead and she smirked. “Oh pumpkin, you really have no idea, do you? Well, allow me to enlighten you. You had yourself a cute lil shimmy going, complete with swaying hips, a seductive crook of your finger, and a hand gliding up and down your thigh as you sang,” her voice got theatrically husky, “feel your way.”

I grew paler and my eyes more round with every word. “I- I did not! I w-would have known if- I wouldn’t j-just…” The words died on my tongue as she just simply nodded slyly at me. My mouth went dry as my face scrunched up in disbelief, my hands wrenching at my braid once more. “...did I? I mean, I… I was picturing the scene from the movie in my head, pretending I was there instead of making a fool of myself in front of a room full of people. I guess maybe I was just, I don’t know... getting into character?”

She shrugged, “Whatever you were doing, it certainly caused Lea to experience some, uh, heh… minor technical difficulties.”

Oh gosh, and here I’d thought the car ride was bad enough, but this? This was just the cherry on top. Not to mention the Kissident or... fudge, I just couldn't stop humiliating myself in front of this guy, could I? “I was… probably just making him awkward and uncomfortable, that’s all. But he really is always so nice about everything.” I stared down at my fingers, fidgeting with them now. “Do you know what he actually said after karaoke? He said I should try looking into singing professionally… which is absolutely ridiculous, of course, but still, it was sweet of him to say.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice the oh so subtle attempt to change the subject there, sugarcube,” she gave a wry harrumph into her mug. I just avoided her gaze. Can you blame me? I just wanted to put this ludicrous and baseless topic behind us already. “But I’ll let it slide. And that’s actually not a bad idea.”

My eyes blinked at her. “You’re joking. Become a successful singer? Please, one has better odds of winning the lottery while being struck by lightning and hit by a rogue meteor at the same time!”

“And who said anything about becoming a career singer? There are other ways of putting that silver voice of yours to work. Like, for example... musicals. You know, as in play acting. Now don’t give me that look, it’s not like I’m not talking Broadway or nothing… not yet anyway. But there’s plenty of small theaters out there that would kill to have a nightingale like you on retainer.”

I huffed out a tiny snort through my nose. “Aren’t you forgetting something? Like, oh say, I don’t know… my crippling anxiety, crushing stage fright, and, ya know… absolutely zero acting experience?”

She folded her arms under her chest, “And aren’t you forgetting something? Like, oh say, I don’t know… summer camp musicals? And how you always just freaking slayed at all the lead parts?”

...oh wow, I actually had forgotten all about those. Camp felt like ages ago by now. Almost nothing more than a distant, fading dream. Frowning up at the ceiling, I murmured, “The musicals… were one of my favorite things about camp. They were the one place where I didn’t have to be my awkward, scared, pathetic self, that I could pretend to be someone else completely. It was an escape, it… helped.” Then I slowly shook my head, “But that’s different. It was a long time ago, I was a kid, I… I couldn’t be like that today.”

“Couldn’t you?” her head tilted slightly. “You really seemed to get into it with the karaoke. You said it yourself, you got into character without even realizing it. It was like the very spirit of Sandra D had possessed you.” She smiled, closing her eyes, “I think you might be a natural, cupcake.”

...me? A natural? Yeah right! There was no way, not in a million years! …I mean, unless… maybe… maybe if-

I shook my head again, more rapidly this time, banishing any such preposterous notions from my mind before scooting my chair out and rising to my feet. “Clearly you’re still fake drunk. You should really get to work sleeping it off.  I’ll be heading to bed now myself. Good night,” I said firmly. End of discussion. Topic closed. I grabbed my water bottle and marched off towards the door to my room.

Of all the silly, crazy, absurd-

“You know I’m right,” she called out brightly after me. “And hey… any verdict on Anna yet?”

I paused long enough to shoot the girl in question a sour look over my shoulder. She mumbled something in her sleep, rolled over and brazenly flung one leg up over the back of the couch. My lips pressed together into a thin line.

“...let her sleep. I’ll murder her in the morning.”

Author’s Note: The takeaway this chapter? Xion and Anna are evil xP Despite their questionable methods however, they DO mean well... I think xD But oh gosh, I do so love to torture Elsa! And by extension, Lea too, tho it’s a very different kind of torture xD But I think I managed to wrap up that lil car misadventure sweetly enough by the end of it! And hmmmmm, those were some interesting things Ray was saying... very, veeeeeeeery interesting...

Next chapter, what will Elsa do with these new thoughts buzzing around her head? Does our dear fire boi actually have a crush on her? Or is Ray just talking crazy from all them baby hormones making her loopy? And will Anna live to see the blessed light of day ever again? How DOES glue not stick to the inside of its own bottle? Stay tuned!

Thanks for reading, I super duper appreciate it! And an extra BIG thank you to those of you who’ve liked, reblogged, and followed so far, seeing those lil notifications always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!

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#kingdom hearts #frozen #elsa #axel #fanfiction #lea #fanfic #kingdom hearts fanfiction #frozen fanfiction #kh fanfiction #kh fanfic #frozen fanfic #kingdom hearts fanfic #axelsa #fluff #romcom #slow burn #kh3 #my writing #ice cream and fire oven pizza #rare pair #crossover pairing #humor #snark

[master-sass-blast]

Of House and Home.

Aaaaand back to the wedding themed stuff!!!

(Also next week’s fic is the wedding fic! :D)

Summary: your friends make a vykup nevesty of sorts for you and Piotr after your wedding rehearsal --and there’s a very big surprise waiting for you at the end of it.

Rating: T for mild references to sex, references to childhood trauma, and swear words.

Pairings: Piotr Rasputin x Reader and Alexandra Rasputin x Nikolai Rasputin.

Set after the ending of “The Moments in Our Lives Leading Up ‘Til Now.”

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @super-darkcloudstudent, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @nebulous-leo

The ceremony rehearsal goes off like a dream. Everything goes smoothly, no tech errors happen, Piotr actually laughs when you switch out your vows for a joke version made entirely out of cheesy pick-up lines…

Perfection, short and simple.

The dinner party afterwards also goes flawlessly. You and Piotr had opted to order pizza to keep it simple and friendly for everyone, and it basically amounts to a massive pizza party with your dearest friends and family.

Except the two of you are getting married tomorrow –and also you each shove cake in each other’s faces because it’s fun, but you hadn’t wanted to ruin your dress.

Everyone chuckles and claps as you wipe your respective faces off –and also as you wipe each other’s faces off because it’s kind of hard to get all the frosting off without help—and then Neena stands up. “Alright, so, some of us planned a bit of a game for the groom-and-bribe-to-be for while everyone ate. You two are going to have to answer questions and preform tasks for some hints that will help you earn a prize at the end.”

Piotr raises an eyebrow, but grins anyway. “Sounds like vykup nevesty.”

“We were deeply inspired,” Wade comments, waggling his nonexistent eyebrows.

“What’s the prize?” you ask, wiggling in your seat a little.

“You’ll find out at the end,” Neena says as she taps at her phone screen. “Alright, who’s ready to watch!” She grins when everyone else cheers. “Okay, first question: what is each of your favorite foods? Piotr, you answer for Y/N, and Y/N answers for Piotr.”

“Pancakes or Cheetos,” Piotr says automatically, the picture of confidence.

“Yeah, but which one?” Neena retorts.

Piotr’s face goes blank, prompting several chuckles from the crowd. “Uh… they are both equally beloved?”

“Pick one.”

“Wait!” you interrupt as Piotr mulls it over. “This is one of the questions I put for the actual vykup nevesty! What the hell!”

“We had you write some extra,” Neena reassures you. “Just for this.”

“I think… it is pancakes?” Piotr says, shooting you an unsure glance before looking back at Neena. “She has me make those for her most often… so… pancakes.”

“That’s… correct!”

The crowd –which is really just Piotr’s family, Yukio, Ellie, Russell, Wade, Kitty, and Nate—lets up another round of cheers and applause.

You stare at Piotr when Neena turns to you for your answer. “Uh… uh… uh…”

“Come on!” Ellie interjects when you blank out for too long. “This one’s easy!”

“It is not!” you protest. “He eats weird stuff! Like Grape Nuts! And plain baked chicken! And raw celery! No one actually likes any of those things!”

“Okay, yeah,” Ellie concedes. “But there’s only one thing he makes a point to carry around with him on a daily basis.”

You gape at your fiancé as he starts laughing. “Protein bars? Your favorite food is protein bars? It’s protein bars—” you turn to Neena really quick “—his favorite food is protein bars. Really?” You turn back to Piotr. “No one likes those that much!”

“They taste good!” Piotr defends himself between chuckles. “I like protein bars. You like Cheetos.”

“Cheetos actually taste good!”

“They do not taste like anything!”

“You guys have one point!” Neena interjects while everyone else laughs at your antics. “Next question: what is each of your two’s favorite look for each other?”

“Literally anything, but especially one of your sweaters and a pair of jeans because you are forever telling me how adorable I look when I wear your sweaters,” you fire off after a moment of thought.

Piotr nods, smiling softly. “That is probably best answer. And you…” He frowns. “I feel like… when I wear nice suit… but I am not sure…”

“Babe,” you say with mock seriousness. “Think like me. Think about how I would answer this question.”

He stares at you for a moment, then his expression shifts to one of annoyed endearment. “When I wear nothing. That is what you like best.”

You grin impishly. “Hell yeah.”

“Ding ding ding!” Neena says while everyone else chuckles. “Another point for you two! Alright, last question: what is the funniest thing either of you has said during sex?”

You stare at Neena while Piotr turns red and buries his face in his hands. “Wait, what?”

“Essentially, what is the funniest thing that has been said while the two of you were having sex and who said it. You both need to have the same answer, and you can’t coordinate on this. So take a minute to think, and then when you’re ready say it at the same time.”

“Why would you write this as question?” Piotr murmurs as Mikhail cackles.

“I didn’t!” you insist. “Otherwise, I’d know what the answer is!”

Wade raises his hand, waggling his fingers as he smirks proudly.

“Of course,” Piotr grumbles, shaking his head. He glances over at you. “I have my answer.”

You start laughing. “Yeah –I mean, it’s kind of obvious.”

“Alright. Three, two, one—”

“The time I said I thought you’d—” You break off into peals of laughter, almost falling out of your seat. “I thought you’d be bigger!”

“The time you said you thought I would be ‘bigger,’” Piotr says at the same time, pursing his lips together as he chuckles.

The uproar from the crowd is immediate. Everyone starts laughing –Alex almost chokes on her drink, while Illyana scrunches up her face like she wants to forget having ever heard that, and Mikhail actually does fall out of his seat.

“I can attest,” Wade says, raising his hand. “That he is sized proportionately.”

Piotr chucks a plastic fork from the cake-face-smashing endeavor at Wade’s head. “Shut up.”

“That’s a match!” Neena announces. “Which means you have a total of three points, have passed the first challenge, and have earned your first hint!”

You take an envelope she offers, and open it to pull out…

Two house keys on key rings.

You and Piotr both frown as you examine the keys.

“We already have keys to Xavier’s,” you say as you look back at Neena.

She just smiles like she knows something you don’t –which, given the setup of this game, is pretty accurate. “It’ll make sense at the end. Alright, the next challenge is couple’s yoga!”

You and Piotr both groan while everyone else laughs.

“You guys need five points to get the next hint! Each pose is worth a point, and there’s ten poses in total, so there’s some room for error on this one.”

You stretch your shoulders as you stand up. “Alright. What’s on the docket?”

The short answer: nothing easy.

Granted, you and Piotr are in good shape and aren’t exactly super… un-limber, but it would seem that your beloved friends and family have taken into account your height differences in picking the poses –meaning that they picked the ones where Piotr’s massive size makes everything extra difficult.

“Absolutely not!” Kitty shouts when you try to fly yourself into the right position. “That is totally cheating!”

“It’s within my ability set!” you argue. “No one said I couldn’t use my natural abilities to do the poses!”

Fortunately, the two of you manage to do five of the poses successfully and get your next hint…

Which is a receipt for two welcome mats, a set of champagne glasses, and a bottle of champagne.

“It’s the right thing,” Neena says when you try to hand the receipt back to her, under the impression that she may have handed you the wrong thing. “Do either of you have any guesses about what the prize is?”

“Fuck if I know,” you mutter as you scan the receipt again before setting it next to the keys.

“Alright, last challenge.” Neena walks so she’s standing behind two chairs, which Alex and Nate just so happen to be seated in, respectively. “You two have to make these to cry.”

You snort. “What the fuck?”

“Clarification: you’ll be talking about why you love your spouse-to-be and when you knew you wanted to marry them, that sort of thing. The goal is to make each of our soldier types here shed sappy, weepy tears of joyful emotion.”

Piotr simply stares at his mother, looking dumbfounded. “I think I have seen you cry… perhaps ten times? Less than?”

Alexandra simply smirks and shrugs at her son.

“I’ve seen you cry twice,” you say to Nathan. “And one of those times was due to eyedrops.”

“Alright, time to start cutting those sweet, sweet onions!” Neena cheers as Ellie pulls out her phone and starts filming. “Piotr, you’re up to bat first. Why do you love Y/N and when did you know you wanted to marry her?”

Piotr shakes his head, smiling softly. “I love everything about her. Everything there is to what makes Y/N ‘Y/N.’ And I knew within first year.”

“Of dating?” you ask, almost incredulous.

“Yes, but also… I think within knowing you,” Piotr amends. “I knew that if you were interested in me and were interested in marriage, that was what I wanted. I knew I wanted a partner like you, someone with tenacity and excitement for life, and lucky for me you were interested.”

Mikhail mimes gagging and sticks a finger down his throat.

“Y/N,” Neena says, ignoring the eldest Rasputin’s antics. “What about you?”

“Is it a cheat answer to say ‘ditto?’” you ask, which earns several chuckles from the room. “No, no… I mean, I like everything about you, too. I like how gentle you are, how much you invest in the kids you teach, how patient you are… with me especially…” You giggle at him while he smiles at you. “And as far as marriage goes…” You quirk your mouth to the side as you think it over. “I mean, I don’t think it was so much a point of me realizing I wanted to marry you as it was… me realizing that I was ‘marriage material.’ Like, I definitely had those points of ‘man, this dude is awesome and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and I’d love to marry him someday,’ but those really coincided with me realizing that I’m worth being loved in the first place. And I’ve always been happy with the concept of marrying you, but I think it really all solidified in the last two years because I finally got past the fear that… I don’t know, that my biological parents would be right and I’d wind up all alone, and I was finally able to trust in my own worth enough to stop doing the anxiety questioning thing of whether you’d really stick with me or not.” You frown as you look up at Piotr. “Does that make sense?”

He smiles and nods. “Makes perfect sense to me,” he murmurs as he bends over to kiss your forehead. “Also, I think we win.”

You look over, realize that both Alex and Nate are wiping tears from their eyes, and pump both your fists in the air. “Yeah! Exploiting childhood trauma for the win!”

That prompts shocked laughter from everyone –especially Mikhail, who collapses to the ground while practically howling with laughter.

“Alright,” Neena says as she hands you a folded-up piece of paper. “We’ll call that win. Here’s your last hint. This should be everything you two need to figure out what your prize is.”

You unfold the piece of paper—

It’s a top-down view of a massive estate, with a larger building in the front surrounded by a sea of grass and a few trees, with a band of trees all around it, save for one spot that’s been cleared out and has a decently sized house in the center of the clearing.

Piotr frowns as he stares down at the picture. “What… what is this?”

“It’s Xavier’s estate,” you say. You recognize it from flying over it often enough. “But it doesn’t have that building at the back.” You tap the house in the clearing which normally would be –should be—trees. “Did someone photoshop this?”

“It’s not photoshopped,” Neena says. “You’re right that it’s a picture of Xavier’s estate.”

The two of you stare up at her, completely stumped.

“What else did you get?” Wade prompts the two of you. “What were the other hints?”

“Two keys and a receipt,” you say.

“What was on the receipt?” Ellie asks, grinning broadly.

“Welcome mats, champagne, and champagne glasses,” Piotr reads off. “And we also got keys.”

“What kind of keys are they?” Neena asks. “And what do you use welcome mats for?”

“They’re house keys,” you say as you hold up one of key rings. “And welcome mats…” You gape as the lightbulb goes off in your head. “Wait, what? What? What!”

Piotr’s right behind you on the realization train. “…No. No. You…”

Neena points towards the back of Xavier’s property –the ceremony’s being held outside, which means the rehearsal was outside, and you’d all opted to eat outside for simplicity’s sake. “Go check it out, guys.”

You immediately book it towards the back of the property, and get about ten feet away before you realize Piotr isn’t following you because he’s picking up all the hints. “Oh my gosh, come on!” you exclaim, grabbing his hand and yanking him towards the tree line.

Sure enough, once you two get close enough to the back of the property, you see a clear cut path in the trees and underbrush that you don’t remember being there the last time you were out here.

You dart down the path, with Piotr close on your heels. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit—

It’s a beautiful, two story white house with a wraparound covered porch, a pitch black shingled roof and dark blue shutters on all the windows.

You clap a hand over your mouth, tears welling up in your eyes as you take it all in.

Piotr comes to a stop behind you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders as he gawks at the house. “Bozhe moi…”

“It’s a house, baby,” you whisper. “It’s our house.”

And that ultimately does it for you. You start crying and turn to face him so you can bury your face in your fiancé’s chest.

Piotr hugs you close, kissing the top of your head as you cry tears of joy. “It is. It’s ours.”

You look up at him and realize he’s teared up as well. “I love you so much.”

He beams down at you as he wipes off your cheeks with his thumbs. “I love you, too. So very much.”

You kiss him passionately, deeply, then grin up at him when the kiss ends. “Wanna check out our new house?”

He lets out an excited giggle and nods. “Sure.”

The two of you climb the steps of the porch –and there’s one of the welcome mats at the front door. There’s a bit of hesitation over who should unlock and open the front door, since it’s both of yours’ new home and this is both of yours’ first time being here, until you suggest “putting it in together” with a waggle of your eyebrows, at which Piotr laughs and agrees, and then you both slide the key into the lock together and turn the handle together—

And then the door’s swinging open, and Piotr –ever the gentleman—ushers you over the threshold first.

It opens into a hallway that leads straight back to the rest of the house, save for one room on each side of the front entrance. There’s what looks like a living room type of room on the right that’s otherwise closed off from the rest of the house, and what is probably going to wind up being a dining room on the left that has another entrance at the back of the room that you wager leads to wherever the kitchen is.

“Oh my gosh,” you murmur as you look around. “I almost don’t want to walk in. I’m afraid of ruining everything.”

Piotr kisses the top of your head and gently nudges you forward. “Go on. It is your home. You cannot ruin it.”

There’s a powder bathroom further along on the right side of the hall, and then the space opens up into a spacious kitchen on the left and “hang out” area on the right that has a fireplace built into it. The space on the right has a hallway that leads to a different room on the side closest to you, and on the side furthest from you is a staircase that leads up to the second floor. Between kitchen and the living area space are a set of French doors that overlook the deck and yard space.

“Wow.” You press a hand against your chest, throat constricting with emotion as you take it all in. “It’s really beautiful.”

“It is,” Piotr agrees quietly, just as awestruck and overwhelmed at you are.

The two of you poke around in the kitchen first. There’s a bottle of champagne and two glasses sitting on the counter, along with a card that says “Welcome home” that’s been signed by your friends and family on the inside.

Piotr pops open the bottle and pours a glass for each of you. “To being home.”

You grin and clink your glass against his. “To being home.”

The kitchen’s already fully set up as far as the appliances go. There’s an oven with a gas range, a fridge, a dishwasher, and a microwave installed, ready for use. The cabinets and drawers –of which there are plenty—are empty, but that’s not a problem. They’ll be filled as you and Piotr and your future children grow into the space.

On the left side of the kitchen, towards the back, is a door that leads to a massive pantry space –which, as you suspected earlier, connects to the dining room.

The two of you head back to the kitchen and connected living area and head down the smaller hallway, which leads to two doors. The first, at the furthest end of the hall, leads to a flight of stairs –which tuck under the main set of stairs by the kitchen—that lead to a basement, and the other door—

Opens to Piotr’s art studio, which already has everything from his old studio in the mansion in it. It’s even set up the same way he had it set up in the old space. Hell, even the windows are oriented in the same direction.

Piotr gapes as he takes it all in, no doubt noting how perfectly the space as been set up to replicate his original studio. “How did we not notice any of this happening?”

“I don’t know!” you exclaim, laughing slightly. “I really don’t know!”

The two of you head up the main flight of stairs to the second floor, and are greeted by more doors than you originally expected.

You look up at Piotr and find your shock mirrored in his expression. “These… these would all be bedrooms, right? Why do we have so many bedrooms?”

“I do not know,” he admits. “I guess… we should look.”

Four of the doors lead to what look like bedroom spaces. All of the closets have built in shelves and drawers, and one of the rooms also has a built-in full bathroom.

One of the doors is another full bathroom with a double sink vanity and a separate “toilet closet” attached to the space.

The second floor is clearly designed to host a lot of people. But does that mean you’ll be having a lot of guests, or…

The last door leads to what is clearly the master suite –which already has the bed from the room you two share, along with the frame designed to hold Piotr’s weight in and out of armor, set up next to a set of French doors that lead to a balcony.

Piotr’s desk and chair –also designed to take his full armored weight—are also there, and next to them… are not your original desk or chair, but a newly built desk and a regular office chair.

You pick up a sticky note attached to the top of your desk.

Xavier needed his furniture for some incoming residents. Didn’t want you to go without a desk. -Dad.

Piotr just shakes his head as he stares at the room. “Seriously, how did we not notice this happening?”

There’s a full bathroom attached to the suite, along with a closet with more built-in shelves and drawers—

And several boxes containing all your two’s clothes.

“We are the most oblivious idiots in the world,” you laugh when you see the boxes. “There’s no other explanation.”

Piotr hugs you against his chest. “Good thing we are getting married.”

You grin up at him. “I certainly like to think so.”

By the time the two of you head back downstairs, everyone else has gathered on the front porch –except for Alex, who’s stepped over the threshold and is peering around despite Nikolai’s protests.

“Okay,” you say when you reach the front door. “How did you guys even pull all this off?”

“We all chipped in,” Neena says. “Your uncle helped, too. Once we realized the problems you two would have finding a place to live with your mutant statuses –especially with Y/N’s history—we wanted to make sure you’d have a place to live and grow into. Xavier was cool with us building on the property since Y/N’s here under a protective order and Piotr’s the future headmaster, and everything kind of worked itself out from there.”

Wade mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like “lazy writing.”

“So yeah.” Neena smiles. “Welcome home. Do you guys like it?”

“We love it,” Piotr says as he wipes tears from his eyes. “It is… it is more than we could have ever asked for. It is more than you all should have done.”

Wade waves his hand dismissively –albeit with dramatic flair. “You’re basically the most grade-A, decent people to have ever lived. That means you deserve good shit. It’s happening. Let it happen.”

Hug are exchanged all around, along with repeated thank you’s—

And then Nikolai starts sputtering in mildly embarrassed sounding Russian when Alex starts poking around in the front of the house again.

“They have not seen inside yet,” Piotr translates to you when you shoot him a curious look.

“Go on! Show them!” you encourage, waving him off. “I’ll catch up in a couple minutes.”

Piotr kisses your cheek before ushering his family inside—

Which leaves you on the front porch with Nate, Neena, and Wade, since everyone else went inside with Piotr and his family.

“There’s four extra bedrooms upstairs,” you say quietly, looking between the three remaining people for some sort of explanation.

“We wanted to make sure the space would take care of your needs so you wouldn’t have to add onto it or move,” Nate says, equally as quiet. “I did a quick look into future records.”

Which means those four bedrooms are going to be occupied long-term, which means –given that it’s the most logical explanation—that you’re going to have at least four kids, depending on how everything times out.

And, granted, there’s a lot of ways to have kids, but your hand still goes to your abdomen of its own accord as you look back into the house. Seems like the future is here.

#sass writes #piotr rasputin x reader #colossus x reader #alexandra rasputin x nikolai rasputin #look this fic is part of my 'has nice house with nice things' wish fulfillment fantasy #which will probably never be realized because capitalism #so let me have it sldkfjlsdjflsdkjfkldsjf #thank you #deadpool fanfiction #x men fanfiction

[copper-wasp]

Even a Devil May Drabble: Dante x Reader (Part 9/?)

Title: Survival Horror

Posted to AO3!

Rating: T

Words: 1,554

You and Dante decide to play some Resident Evil.

-:- -:- -:-

“Dante.... Dante, I’m scared,” you said nervously, directing the character on the tv screen around a corner. Luckily this one was empty, and you let out a shaky sigh of relief.

You had managed to survive the game so far, using all of your stock of green herbs, as Leon S. Kennedy was apparently quite a tasty treat for the undead.

You glanced over at Dante, who was sitting next to you on the sofa, a smug look on his face. He caught your eye, raising an eyebrow in amusement. “Why are you looking at me like that? Something’s about to happen, isn’t it?” you asked, flicking your gaze back and forth between the screen and Dante. He shrugged, not giving you any hint of what was to come, the asshole.

You turned another corner and were faced with the helicopter that had crashed into the side of the Raccoon City Police Department. At least it wasn’t on fire anymore, you having made Leon suffer a few zombie bites to drench the flames with water just minutes prior.

“So how am I supposed to get past this-?” you asked, tilting your head to the side. Suddenly, though, your question was answered.

“What the hell!?” both you and your video game counterpart exclaimed simultaneously, as the helicopter was lifted off of the floor and tossed out of the hole it made on the way in by a very large, sharply dressed behemoth of a creature.

You lined up the shot and fired a couple times, but he kept coming, undeterred by the three bullets in his face. You did manage to knock his hat off, but something told you that wasn’t exactly going to help your situation. “Dante! Dante, what do I do!?! Help me!”

Dante, meanwhile, was cackling beside you and being of absolutely no help. You emptied the clip, pushing hard on the joystick as you tried to make Leon walk backwards.

“You, ha, you have to run! You can’t kill him, sweet cheeks,” Dante replied between laughs.

“Oh, now he tells me!” you lamented, at last trying to turn around and escape, but a big meaty hand grabbed poor Leon by the head, lifting him straight up off the ground. You made a strained noise, preparing yourself for yet another creative death for the rookie cop.

You cringed at the sound of the poor boy’s head being crushed, red dripping down his shoulders. Sighing, you looked annoyedly at the “YOU ARE DEAD” screen, mocking you for your failure.

“He crushed poor Leon’s head, Dante. Why would he do that?” you asked, trying to look pathetic.

Dante hooked his arm around your shoulder, pulling you in for a side hug. “Aw, it’s okay, you can just reload,” he offered.

“Oh, no. I am done with this for now,” you said with a chuckle. “I am gonna have so many nightmares about Mr. Dapper Horrifying Man.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe from the Tyrant,” Dante said, grabbing the controller from your hands and reloading your last save.

“Oh, so that’s what it’s called. Fitting,” you commented, sparing a glance at the clock on the wall. Nearly midnight. “All right, I’m gonna head off to bed... goodnight.”

“‘Night, [Y/N],” Dante replied, navigating Leon through the police station with ease.

-:- -:- -:-

You couldn’t sleep. Every time you closed your eyes you were running through the blood-covered halls of the RPD, chased by zombies or lickers or the Tyrant. Giving up, you rolled out of bed and made your way downstairs to the kitchen, a big glass of water in your future.

You leaned back against the counter, downing your glass in a few swallows. You placed the glass in the sink, about to head back upstairs when you heard a creak, followed by a low, grumbling noise.

Eyes wide, you looked into the dark main area, only the bronze glow of the jukebox visible in the blackness. “What the fuck was that?” you asked yourself quietly, squinting to try to cut through the dark.

Padding slowly over, you guided yourself along the wall until you found the light switch. You flicked it on, temporarily blinding yourself until your eyes got used to the fluorescence. Looking around, you saw nothing. The room was messy as usual, and Dante had left his empty beer bottles and pizza box on the coffee table.

Taking another look around, and satisfied that you were alone, you flipped the switch back off and headed for the stairs. Just as you stepped onto the first one, you heard the grumbling noise again, much closer than before.

Your entire body tensed, holding onto the railing with a white-knuckled grip. You took a deep breath, ready to book it up the stairs, but before you could, you felt two hands grab your waist, pulling you back into the darkness.

You screamed in surprise and horror, frantically batting at the thing holding you with your fists and feet, until you heard Dante’s distinctive laugh.

“...Dante?” you asked, the hands releasing you.

“Oh man, did I get you good,” the man replied, and a moment later, the lights flicked back on, bathing the two of you in yellowy light. You were shaking still, arms wrapping around yourself as you tried to maneuver your heart out of your throat.

You caught his eye, and his smile immediately faded when he saw the look on your face. “Oh, shit....” he said, striding over to you quickly. “You’re really scared, aren’t you?”

“Yes, you asshole!” you spat, rubbing at your forehead. “You fucking scared me!”

You felt Dante wrap his arms around you again, and you tried to push him away, weakly beating on his bare chest to let you go, but he was a warm, comfortable wall, and you soon let him hold you close, soothingly rubbing his palms up and down your back.

“Hey I’m... I’m sorry, I didn’t think I’d scare you that much,” he apologized, one hand making its way to the back of your head, gently stroking your hair.

“It’s... okay,” you said after a long moment, luxuriating in the feel of his hands on you. You pulled away, but Dante kept his hands on your waist, looking at you with an embarrassed smile.

“You really forgive me?” he asked, tucking your hair behind your ear. You nodded sleepily, the intense fear having sapped your energy. Dante leaned down to kiss your cheek gently, and your eyes fluttered shut, leaning on him a bit to hold you upright. His lips were soft, and you lamented when they left your skin.

His name left your lips in a whisper, and you cringed when you realized what you did. He chuckled softly, pressing another kiss to your cheek, followed by another, and another until he met the corner of your mouth. You opened your eyes, seeing his already fixed on you, bright and blue. Drawing your body even closer to his, he tilted your chin up and gave you a feather-light kiss on your lips, drawing away before you even really got to enjoy it.

You reached up to place a hand on his cheek, trying to ask him to kiss you again without words. Luckily, even Dante wasn’t that dense, and he graciously gave you what you wanted, pressing his mouth against yours more insistently.

He groaned in satisfaction against your lips, placing a hand at the back of your neck to keep you where he wanted. He licked at your bottom lip, entreating entrance, and you quickly allowed him access. He tasted faintly of minty toothpaste, a fleeting thought as he pressed his strong tongue against yours, exploring your needy mouth.

Your hands found purchase in his soft, silvery hair, and you pulled back from him to breathe, your eyes half lidded in a heady mixture of sleepiness and arousal.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep standing up,” Dante said, wrapping his arms tighter around your waist.

You smiled at him, leaning in to nuzzle against his neck. “I guess you’ll have to carry me back upstairs to bed,” you said in a low, husky voice, pressing your lips against his skin.

His hands crept down your back, spending an extra moment caressing over your rear before hoisting you up under your thighs and guiding your legs around his waist. You giggled, linking your arms behind his neck. “I didn’t think you’d be this agreeable to carrying me,” you commented as he made his way back to the stairs.

He barked out a laugh, squeezing your bottom as he ascended. “Whose bed do you think I’m taking you back to?” he asked and you sucked in a breath, his heated tone sending a tingle right to your center.

“Oh I hope it’s mine, your room is a mess,” you teased, ruffling his hair as he carried you to the second floor.

“Fine,” he conceded, gently kicking open the door to your room. “But I plan on making a whimpering mess out of you.”

“Dante, come on....” you replied, embarrassed. He dropped you unceremoniously onto your bed, crawling on top of you and nuzzling against your neck.

“You can call me Leon if you want,” he offered, a hand sliding underneath your shirt as you giggled, the Tyrant being the last thing on your mind.

-:- -:- -:-

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[maevefiction]

Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 38

Caught up in all things wedding related, both for my own and Simon’s, as well as enjoying a bit of free time with mister Super Sexy wandering around naked constantly in every hotel room, I’d completely forgotten about my six alarm blaze. And Trudy. There wasn’t much I could do about it while we were in the air because of the time difference, and when confronted with the choice of pulling out my laptop and trying to find out how I was going to manage to procure and set up the servers we needed on my own or snuggling with Tom and taking a nap, the snuggling won out easily.

I woke up when we were circling Heathrow, groaning as I realized that I was royally fucked as far as a normal human-like sleep schedule was concerned. We grabbed our luggage and took a cab back to our flat, and Tom had barely gotten the key in the door when Simon came bounding out onto the landing and nearly tackled me to the floor with a ridiculously powerful bear hug.

“MAUDE, MAUDE, MAUDE! You’re home, you’re home!”

A small squeak emanated from my mouth when I opened it, and I struggled to speak. “DUDE. I love you, but you are crushing the fucking life out of me.”

He loosened his grip, kissed me on both cheeks, then waved at Tom, who knew it was in his best interest to get into our flat as quickly as possible lest he be caught up in the insanity.

“No, no, you must LIVE, woman. LIVE! I need you! NEED. YOU.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes. I am aware. You need me. What time is it, like, six?”

He nodded. “Something like that. So, did you sleep on the plane? Can we chat? Hmm?”

“I did, in fact, sleep on the plane. But, I really, really need to talk to Trudy ASAP…so can we chat tomorrow instead?”

An eyeroll, followed by a heavy sigh. “Really? Trudy? What could be so…”

“SecureServe dropped the fucking ball, man.”

He gasped. “What do you mean they dropped the ball?”

It was my turn to sigh. “They can’t get the servers done by the first.”

I was released completely as his hands lifted up and came to rest upon his cheeks like the kid in Home Alone. “GET THE FUCK OUT! Did you kill the guy?”

“Not yet. I fired him, though.”

Simon’s head pulled back like a turtle’s. “Excuse me, WHAT?”

“I fired him.”

He wagged his finger at me. “Trudy does not know this.”

I bit my lower lip and nodded. “Nope.”

“Oh, honey…you’d best get your ass down those stairs and tell the girl.” He frowned. “So what are you going to, you know, DO? Delay the launch?”

“Fuck no. We’re going to set up the servers ourselves. Speaking of which…I need your office.”

One hand flew to his hip. “And where am I supposed to work?”

I snorted. “Well, first of all…you working? Reading Tumblr and gossip blogs with a two hour lunch break in between doesn’t really count as work. But, in spite of that, I am willing to turn over my own office to you. I can do my thing anywhere.”

“HA! That’s exactly what Tom tells us!”

“Yeah, well…truth. So. Trudy’s still here, then?”

He nodded. “She’s here until at least ten every night. Sometimes much later if she’s ‘in the zone’ as she calls it. Says her flatmate is distracting when she’s trying to work at home.”

“All righty then. You go back in your cage now, Bridezilla. I’ll see you tomorrow. We can chat over that two hour lunch break.”

“Actually, I’m taking the entire day off and so are YOU, so THERE. Note that I am not disputing the Bridezilla label.”

“Noted. Now you note that I am officially terrified to be your maid of honor.”

“Duly noted and recorded.” He kissed the top of my head. “See you tomorrow, love. Good to have you home.”

“Good to be here. Go have wine. Have some wine for me. Have a LOT of wine for me…”

He laughed. “I think something harder is in order…”

“I’m sure you do.”

The laugh turned into a cackle as he headed back to his flat, closing the door he’d left open in his rush to greet me behind him.

I poked my head into my own flat, calling out to Tom.

“Babe? Where you at?”

He came bounding down the steps.

“Hey. What would you like for dinner?”

My face scrunched up. “Well, actually…”

“I know. You need to go speak with Trudy. But you still require sustenance…may I bring you both something?”

I kissed him quickly. “You may, good sir. Thanks. You’re fucking awesome.”

He grinned. “But am I awesome at fucking?”

“Methinks you know the answer to THAT already.”

“I do, I do. What would you like me to order?”

“Surprise me? Wait. Chinese? Pizza? Shit. Surprise me. Yeah.”

“Will do, my love.”

We embraced, and I turned, walked out the door and down to the office to deliver the news.

****************************************

I found Trudy in the upstairs conference room, the table nearly covered with papers, her hair up in a tightly wound bun as she chewed on her pen while staring at her laptop screen. She looked up at the sound of my footsteps, grinning, then put the pen down before speaking.

“You fired Mark.”

My head tilted to the side. “Um, well…yes. Yes I did. And you knew that how?”

“I lost access to the server about twenty minutes after I called you.”

“Well, shit…I hadn’t considered that aspect. Sorry. I absolutely should have let you know…”

Eyes back on the screen, she waved a hand in my general direction, the other resting on her mouse as she scrolled quickly. “No worries. Don’t give it another thought. I’m delighted that you fired him…he was a humongous tit. So, we’re doing this on our own, yeah?”

“That was the plan.”

“Good to know that picking out everything I think we need wasn’t a waste of time, then. I based it all on their server specs, then…found better stuff.”

I walked around to look at her screen. “Okay, rack servers instead of towers…that will save a ton of space. Dual Intel Xeon E7 processors, Windows Server OS, 128GB RAM, 2.4TB SAS hard drive…holy shit does that say sixteen GRAND? I think I need to sit down.” I flopped in the chair next to her.

“Maude, we can probably still find someone who can get it done in time.…”

I shook my head. “You and I both know that we’ll never be happy with someone else’s work. And we both also KNOW we’ll get everything done in time. So we need, what? Eight to start?”

“Eight to start would give us enough room to host about four thousand accounts, based on our calculations. Not future proof by any means, but it should do.” She began chewing on her pen again.

I nodded. “And we’ll also need all the cables, UPS backups, rack cabinets…and we’ll have to install security devices on Simon’s office, a door keypad or keycard, as well as tamper alarms on the servers themselves in order to meet industry standards. Not too worried about that, nor outside intrusion from hackers, because if they can get in after I’ve locked it all down I’ll be calling them to see if they want a fucking job.”

The pen dropped to the table. “Simon’s office?”

“Yeah. We’re swapping. That’s really the best spot for them, climate-wise and everything. And there’s room for both of us. I don’t actually NEED an office, I can set up shop anywhere when I need to meet someone face-to-face. Oh, and the network will have to be completely, totally separate from the Prosper one, and I’ll want our own T1 lines as soon as we can get them…”

Trudy chuckled. “So I should place the order, then?”

I leaned forward to rest my elbows on the table and cover my eyes with my hands. “Actually, I���m going to have to use Tom’s Amex for this one because my cards actually have limits. Let me text him…oh, he’s bringing us food. Forgot to mention that.”

“Good. I could eat, you know? What’s on the menu?”

I sat up and pulled out my phone. “No clue. Told him to surprise me.”

“I’m willing to wager he brings pizza.”

“Sadly, Trudy, I’m afraid I am not in a financial position to wager due to our imminent expenditure.”

She reached out and poked my shoulder. “You know quite well you’ll make that back in a very short time.”

“HA! Do I? I do not. But I hope so, because we’re on the hook for almost twice the server cost for the wedding. I think I need a cocktail.”

“And Mark will be sending you back the fifty thousand, so that will help, won’t it?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not counting on that happening. Like, at all. EVER. No idea how it works over here, really, but in the US it can take forever to even get a lien against someone who doesn’t pay what they owe. But I’m still going to sue the fucker…”

Trudy laughed. “I wouldn’t have even considered thinking otherwise, Maude.”

I typed quickly, then slowed down because I kept screwing up so badly and backspacing took up even MORE time than going at my normal rate.

Hey babe…could you maybe saunter that gorgeous ass down here? I miss you. – M

And also…I kinda sorta maybe totally need to use your Amex card again. – M

Sorry. L I’ll do an EFT to your account from mine tonight. – M

Not even ten seconds later my phone dinged.

I’ll be right down. The pizza should be here soon anyway. And please don’t be sorry. – T

And also…do you happen to have any cash on you? :P – T

I snorted quietly.

Yes. Small amounts of legal tender…that I DO have. :P – M

I turned to Trudy as I got up in order to go meet him at the front of the office. “Glad I didn’t bet. It’s pizza.”

Her right arm shot up in the air, hand in a tightly balled fist. “YES! Pizza!” She rose from her seat. “I’ll go down and get some plates and drinks.”

“Cool. Thank you.”

I walked out of the conference room, reaching the main door just as Tom appeared. He peeked behind me, saw we were alone, then grabbed me by my ass cheeks, pressed me into his crotch and rammed his tongue into my mouth. An indeterminable amount of time passed as we dry humped furiously, the building door buzzer startling us out of our thoroughly inappropriate behavior. Both of us were panting, Tom’s words uneven, his voice deepened into fuck mode.

“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to go pay the delivery person, would you?”

My gaze travelled to his groin, the outline of his cock clearly visible as it strained against his jeans.

I ran my finger along his fly. “Well, clearly you aren’t up for THAT at the moment, so sure, I’ll handle it. The pizza, I mean.” Licking my lips suggestively, I squeezed gently. “THIS I’ll handle LATER.”

His jaw shifted to one side. “Maaauuuuudddeeee…”

Shrugging, I began to saunter away from him. “Don’t you Maude me, mister. YOU started this.”

He groaned, and I shifted my jeans around once I was out of his line of sight, sighing with relief when the seam was no longer digging into my crotch. The pizza delivery person was a red-headed freckled fellow, to whom I handed the equivalent of sixty dollars or so, grabbed the two pies and closed the door with a hasty but pleasant ‘have a great night!’.

Tom was nowhere to be seen when I walked back in, so I traversed to the conference room with the delectable scent of pizza infiltrating my nostrils, and for one brief shining moment I considered locking myself in my office with both and seeing how much I could put away before anyone noticed. Then I remembered it was no longer my office, technically, and THEN I remembered that I had a server order to place and if I deprived Trudy of pizza she might turn against me and that would NOT help my cause at all.

He was seated at the table, while Trudy stood, attempting to organize the scattered paperwork into piles to make room for dinner. When Tom didn’t stand to help me, I knew he’d bolted in there and sat down before Trudy had come back upstairs, and that he was still raring to go. I tittered to myself, but apparently not quietly enough.

Trudy looked up from her most recently formed stack. “Something funny, Maude?”

I placed the pizzas on the table. “Everything’s funny when you’ve spent your day on a Transatlantic flight and are starving and about to spend an insane amount of money on things that will take up a shitload of time you don’t really have in spite of the fact that you already paid someone else to do it for you.” I opened one box, saw that it was plain cheese, ripped it from its companions and took a huge bite. My words were garbled as I spoke and chewed at the same time. “MMMMM, that’s better.”

I grabbed a Coke, a plate and some napkins before flopping into the chair next to Tom. He reached past me to retrieve his own slice, opting for the garbage pie, downing it in five bites, then got his own plate and soda, belching loudly after his first giant draught.

“Goodness, excuse me.”

“Dude, there’s no excuse FOR you.”

He stuck his tongue out at me and snagged another slice for himself and one for me as well. Trudy munched contentedly on her own garbage slice, and we continued in relative silence until both pies were consumed. After we cleaned and washed up, I walked Tom to the reception area. He handed me his Amex…the Centurion Card, also known as the Amex Black Card. Made from anodized titanium, which gave it its coloring, the card number, expiration date and account holder name were laser etched into the metal.

I sighed as I took it from him. “Thanks, babe. Again, sorry.”

He said nothing, and I tilted my head as Tom not replying to an apology was, to date, unheard of. I waited for ten seconds, then righted my head and cocked an eyebrow. He looked down at my hand, the one holding the card, then back up at me, his own brows raised. I shook my head.

“Thomas. I have no clue what you’re getting at here, and your silence is quite disturbing. So why…”

He pulled his wallet from his pocket again, opened it, and removed another AMEX card, holding it towards me so I could clearly see his name displayed on the front.

“Why do you have two cards? Have you always had two cards? Do you have two accounts or…”

He chortled. “Maude. Look at the one you’re holding.”

I gazed downward, and instead of seeing ‘Tom Hiddleston’, I saw ‘Maude Gallagher’. My eyes shot up to meet his, my voice rather toneless when I spoke. “This card has my name on it.”

Nodding as he put his wallet away, he smiled at me sheepishly. “I added you as an authorized cardholder. Hope that’s all right…I know we never really discussed it, but I figured you having your own would be helpful, especially if I’m off filming and you need something for the wedding or anything else that exceeds the limit on your other cards. That made me sound like a bit of a pompous asshole, didn’t it? Sorry.”

I shook my head. “No it doesn’t. My cards have limits. Fact. I just said that to Trudy before we ate, actually. Also fact, you are just so thoughtful and helpful and thank you for this, so much. I’ll keep track of what I spend and reimburse you each month, okay?”

His hand reached out and came to rest on my shoulder. “Actually, I think that’s something else we should talk about.”

“If you mean talking about me not paying you back then I’m going to have to pass, m’kay?” It was something I’d been avoiding, the ‘money talk’. So far I’d insisted on paying my own way, and I didn’t feel comfortable with that changing. He’d been accepting for the most part, but on the plane ride home when I mentioned paying for half of the wedding expenses he’d only managed to utter a terse ‘absolutely not’ and as I balked his jaw tensed, so I let it go.

“Maude. We’re getting married. Husbands and wives typically merge at least some of their finances, do they not? And even if…anyway, how other people handle it doesn’t matter to me. It’s what I’d like to happen, but you may feel differently. Which is precisely why we should have a conversation about it, during which I will persuade you to accept my proposition.”

I said nothing, and he stared at me pointedly until I gave in, sighing, and a smile turned the corners of his mouth upward as I spoke.

“Fine. But we need to have it like, now or I’m going to stick my head back in the sand and pretend this never happened.” He laughed, leaning in to kiss my forehead. “So. I’m going to go spend a shit load of money, then I’ll meet you upstairs and you can have your way with me. Verbally. Something. Okay. Yes.”

He embraced me briefly, then whispered in my ear as he released me. “And after? Physically?”

I rolled my eyes. “Shush. Go. Away with you.”

His normal strut was greatly exaggerated as he walked out the door, and I groaned, shaking my head as I went back to the conference room. Twenty minutes and one phone call later, the servers and all the other components we needed were ordered and set to arrive on Wednesday, early AM. Which happened to be the day before Christmas Eve, and I kept my freak out over losing two days that I should be spending getting everything ready to a holiday under control until I headed upstairs, repeating ‘it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s all fine’ to myself but not believing a single syllable.

Tom had left the door open, and when I stepped inside he was sitting at the dining table, his laptop open and a stack of folders behind it.

“Hey, you. Everything ordered?”

“Yep. Delivery Wednesday morning, and hopefully we’ll get them unpacked, in place and perhaps up and running then because I won’t have any time to work on them until we get back from your mom’s on Saturday. Hopefully I can attend to all Simon’s needs tomorrow and then…” Luke’s voice from behind me made me nearly jump out of my skin. I spun around to see him standing right behind me in the still-open doorway, a half-smile raising the right corner of his mouth.

“Oh, good. You’re here. I just wanted to tell you that there is no way I’m allowing you to give up your office. I’m going to rearrange mine so Simon can share it with me, and you can use his space for whatever you need, plus it can serve as Trudy’s office as well.”

I crossed my arms. “But what about clients? And how are you going to get any work done with him jabbering away?”

Simon yelled from down the hall. “I HEARD THAT.”

I yelled back without moving from my spot. “GOOD. IT’S THE TRUTH. AND I GUESS YOU DON’T ACTUALLY NEED AN OFFICE ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU DON’T DO ANY REAL, ACTUAL WORK.”

“AGAIN WITH THAT SHIT? FUCK YOU, WOMAN.”

Luke grinned. “So it’s settled, then.”

“Looks that way. Thanks, Luke. You’re the best.”

“I know. And please, do remember that tomorrow when you’re out with my better half…just when you think it’s time to bring him back, add on an hour or two, if you don’t mind.”

Simon’s voice again. “YOU SUCK ARSE, THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU!”

Luke winked at me, then off he went, and I closed the door behind him, walked over to where Tom was sitting, wrapped my arms around him from behind and placed a kiss on the nape of his neck. The resulting shiver made me chuckle, and I bit his earlobe prior to speaking.

“So, where would you like me, Mr. Hiddleston?”

He groaned. “I appreciate your diversionary tactics immensely, but…have a seat right here, please.” He patted the chair to his left. I sat, and he turned to meet my gaze.

“I’m just going to jump right in here…so, after the food poisoning incident I began thinking to myself, what would happen if something were to…happen…to me?”

“THOMAS. DO NOT EVEN GO THERE.”

He rested his hand on my thigh. “I have to go there. Not just…death…but what if I was badly injured? Fell terribly ill? What if you didn’t have access to the funds you needed to deal with any of it? And also, as of now, my family could do as they pleased…and I trust them, of course, but…you’re the one who should be making those sorts of decisions on my behalf. Once we’re married, it’s easy, but that’s six months away and…what if, you know? And then, we set an actual timeline for getting pregnant…”

I snorted. “Oh, are you getting pregnant too? WOW! I can’t wait to see THAT.” He took my hand in his, expression deeply concerned, which sobered me and I kept silent, feeling like a snarky shithead as I nodded for him to continue.

“It hit me, the level of responsibility required, and that a month or two from now you could be carrying our child and I…I…I just want to set everything right so no matter what, that child is taken care of properly. So I requested an Amex for you…they’ll send another once we’re married and your name is officially changed…and got the ball rolling so I’d have all the documents in place we need in order to add you to all my financials, the flat, the car…all of it. If you aren’t comfortable doing the same, that’s fine, but all you have to do is sign these and…”

I let go of his hand and leaned back in my chair, processing the enormity of it all. Insisting on paying my own way because NOT doing so made me feel like some sort of freeloader seemed so trivial when I examined the angle he’d been viewing things from, and I was unsure how to phrase things without sounding incredibly idiotic.

“Tom…okay…I was avoiding this whole…thing…because in my head it was just money, and I have money, though it’s not the kind of money you have, and that’s where my issue was, because I don’t want you to ever think that I’m in this for that. Which I’m sure you already know, but…yeah. I’m sorry about that, and I should have just fucking said it, right? Right. And here you are, thinking not of yourself, but of me, and our future family and…wow. I’m really, really sorry. And I have no problem with you being joint in all my holdings, no problem at all…” He cut me off.

“Even with the app coming out? That has the potential to turn you into a higher earner than me quite quickly.”

I stared downward briefly, then back up to stare blankly at him, blinking like an owl as I did math in my head, smiling as I came up with a total. “You’re wrong. Even if we have ten thousand subscribers, I’m still under for the year what you make per film. By a decent amount. So there.”

He laughed. “The maths elude me, Maude. You know this.”

“No lies detected. The way it’s structured is that all the funds go into the Manageall business account and are dispersed from there, so as long as you’re on my checking account you’ll have access, and we’ll need to add you to the business itself…”

Shaking his head, he leaned forward to kiss me softly. “Not necessary.”

I shrugged. “I think it is. I’ll have Barty get to work on adding you to the New Orleans and New York houses as well…that’s pretty much it for me. Just checking, savings, the two houses. Nothing else. Glad I pulled everything out of the market. This is pretty simple, as far as this sort of shit goes.” I grimaced. “I guess we need…wills. Which we’ll have to modify if a kiddo enters the picture…”

He smiled. “When.”

My eyes rolled without hesitation, and I pinched his cheek. “Fine. WHEN. Now, give me a pen and let me sign all the things and then you can fuck my brains out. If that’s acceptable to you, that is. Is it?”

He stood so quickly the chair toppled over behind him, grabbed my wrist and pulled me from mine, then dragged me to the couch, pinning me under him as he ground against me. “No. It isn’t. You can sign those anytime, but right now my cock needs to be in your pussy. RIGHT. NOW.”

“But…TOM…that’s so…irresponsible of you…we need to get everything in done…”

“I AM getting everything done. I’ve just decided to start with YOU.”

He tickled me until I was a helpless blob, yanked my jeans off, unbuttoned and unzipped his own, then sank into me with a moan so ridiculously erotic that I came before he even began to move. Which turned out to be a good thing, as after fifteen quick but punishing  thrusts he came as well, grunting into my ear as I wrapped my legs around him in order to rub out my version of the second coming.

We rolled on our sides without separating, no easy task on the couch, his arms wrapped around me the only thing preventing me from falling backward and onto the floor. He smiled softly as I traced the lines of his face.

“You are…you’re…you are such a good man, you know? Always thinking of other people, their needs.”

He kissed the tip of my nose. “Not other people. Just you.”

“Liar. You’re the most considerate human being I’ve ever met. And I love that. Probably because I’m, you know, NOT.”

“Oh, stop. You’re incredibly considerate. Why, while we were on the plane back you only rolled your eyes at the mother of that screaming toddler instead of flipping her off…”

I let my mouth drop open in feigned surprise. “Geeze, you know, you may be on to something there…personally, I think you’ve just made me…SOFT.”

His cock twitched inside me, and he chuckled. “Sorry, but I can’t say the same for you, love. Sign and bed, perhaps?”

“Yada yada yada, screw. Sounds about right.”

We took care of that business, then the other business, and spooned as we dozed off, back in our own bed, in our own flat, and all of a sudden, I realized I was actually looking forward to Christmas, which hadn’t been the case in a very, very long time.

****************************************

Just after Tom and I finished breakfast on Tuesday, Bridezilla Ahlberg barged into our flat with his usual flourish, dressed in black skinny jeans, grey leather chukka boots, a grey tweed pea-coat with matching newsboy cap and a black and grey striped scarf wrapped around his neck. He took one look at me in my ratty, baggy men’s jeans and puffy black parka, pointing accusingly in my general direction.

“Tell me you just came back from a coffee run and that you’re changing, like, now.”

I looked down at myself, holding out one foot to show him the pair of Birkenstock boots I’d picked up before we left for Hawaii but didn’t have a chance to wear. “Um, no. But look, aren’t my new boots really, really beautiful? And cool? LOVE THEM, SIMON.”

His eyes rolled. “Okay, as far as Birkenstocks go they’re decent. But those jeans look like you haven’t washed them in a week and my GOD that JACKET. Wait…is that FAKE FUR ON THE HOOD? You expect me to tool around London with a woman with fake fur on her hood? No. No no no no no. Think of my reputation!”

He was right about the pants…almost. I’d worn them on the flight home and all day yesterday but the rest of my jeans were still packed away and I’d been entirely too lazy to dig them out. Under the parka I had on a black V-neck T-shirt, topped with one of Tom’s zip-up black cardigans, my hair bound up in a sloppy bun that would no doubt become a ponytail at some point in the day. No makeup, either. All of it the stuff of nightmares in Simonland. I snorted.

“Well, look at it this way…I’m so hideous that everyone will spend more time looking at YOU, and that’s the goal, am I right?”

Rubbing his hand with his chin, he considered my statement, then nodded. “That’ll do. Also, we’re already late so there’s simply not time for me to rectify the situation properly. Say your goodbyes to lover boy and let’s move it, please and thank you.”

Tom had snuck into his office without my noticing, and rose instantly from his chair when I entered the room, wiggling around the furniture to embrace me. “You’re off, then, I take it?”

I buried my face in his neck, breathing in his scent, which, let’s face it, was always a terrible idea. Pulling back, I sighed. “Yes. Off I go. Are you SURE you don’t want to…”

He laughed. “Positive. I’ll stay right here in my comfy sweats, thanks. I’ll miss you, though.”

“I’ll miss you too. Need anything while I’m out?”

“Something chocolatey?”

“Will do.” I pulled him down to me, kissing him, tongue running across his lips, then sliding inside his mouth halfway. He bit down gently, letting go as I groaned. “Well, for THAT you’re going to get random sexts all day long, Thomas.”

“Mmm, that sounds fun. And the sweats make for easy access…”

I shoved myself backwards, then turned to face the door as I walked through it, hand in the air and waving behind me. “Hasta la vista, baby.”

He replied using his best Arnold voice. “You’ll be back.”

“Uh huh. Yep. Sure thing.”

His laughter followed me as I grabbed my bag, dragged Simon out into the hall, then closed and locked the door behind me. We walked down the steps to the main entrance, and I was surprised to see a cab waiting.

“Don’t feel like driving today, Simon?”

He opened the cab door for me. “Fuck no. Christmas shopper traffic…we’re cabbing and walking. Though probably more cabbing because that wind is wicked.”

I put my hood up as he got in the other side, smirking. “You know, I hadn’t noticed. This parka is super-duper warm and stuff.”

Plopping down, he flipped me off. “Whatever. So, aren’t you wondering what we’re doing today?”

“Um…maybe? Mostly I’m just wondering how many tantrums you’re going to throw and if I’ll feel like I need a cocktail when all is said and done.”

“How rude. You’re supposed to alleviate some of my stress, not cause more of it.”

“Perhaps you chose unwisely when you asked me to be your maid of honor.”

He threw his arms around me and kissed my cheek. “No, I did not. And I’m going to try very hard to not be nasty, bitchy, petty or throw tantrums today because I love you and I missed you and I have something very important to tell you and something very important to ask you but…first, the tailor so we can do our final fittings and then to Sugared Saffron to check on the cake and then to the Searcys to make sure the menu is set and everything is in place and then I’m taking you to Bocca Di Lupo for lunch, even if you aren’t dressed for it, which is fine because I know the chef, and we’ll talk while we dine and I AM GETTING MARRIED IN NINE DAYS PLEASE HELP ME.”

Taking his jaw in my hand, I got close enough for us to touch noses. “It’s going to be fine, you’re going to be fine, and you know damn well that I’ll make sure that this wedding is going to be specfuckingtacular. Right? No one plans like me. No one organizes like me. No one gets shit done like me. And though I bust your balls endlessly about being a lazy piece of shit, you’re exactly the same way. Paired up? WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE. Now quit worrying and let’s get the work out of the way so we can go to lunch because you need to spill, son. SPILL.”

And so it went, first the tailor, who had to take my dress in another inch at the waist and discreetly averted his eyes as best he could when confronted with my nipples. Then Sugared Saffron, where we examined the sketches for the six-tiered beast Simon had decided upon and got to see the special order 3-D printed topper…replicas of Luke and Simon right down to their eye color, standing shoulder to shoulder and holding hands, Simon in a white suit and shirt, Luke in all black, both with silver cummerbunds and pocket squares. I couldn’t resist asking the manager for contact info for the company he’d gotten the topper from, and he generously accommodated my request, even fishing around in his desk drawer for a business card. In hindsight, I think he was just hoping to distract me and get us out the door before we made any additional changes to the plans he’d thought he was finished with.

The Gherkin blew my mind…Searcys was the top floor, and the views of the city were breathtakingly gorgeous in person. I tuned out and stared at the skyline while Simon talked food with the event manager, knowing his expertise and experience would guide him no matter how stressed he was. My phone dinged…a text from Tom.

Still waiting on those sexts. Or have you decided my biting your tongue doesn’t require retaliation? – T

Oh, it does. I was going to wait and swallow your cock whole when I got home as punishment, but if you’d prefer sexts instead, that’s fine with me. – M

It was at least a full minute before he replied.

Sorry. I dropped my phone and it flew under the desk and then I cracked my noggin on it as I tried to stand up. I believe I may require medical attention.  – T

Also, stop texting me RIGHT NOW and I’ll see you later on, all right? K thanks bye. :P – T

As you wish. Lunch is next, then I’ll be home. Love you. – M

Love you too. :D – T

Simon and the event manager were bickering over which vegetarian dish to offer as an alternate main course, and when the manger asked my opinion I shrugged and said I was a carnivore who had little love for veggies, Simon snorted and blurted out ‘meat and only meat for the lady, please…she’s overly fond of sausages, or so I’m told’, which resulted in my excusing myself post haste so I could lose my shit privately in the bathroom, flushing the toilet repeatedly to mask my raucous laughter. By the time I was finished and walked back into the dining area, the waitstaff had arrived and Simon was standing alone, gazing out one of the windows. He turned to me, a sad smile on his face.

“I wish my parents weren’t so awful. This is a huge thing for me in my life, marrying the person I love more than anything, and they’re…just…I read their Facebook posts sometimes, you know? And they’re horrified that their son is getting ‘gay married’ and all their friends are telling them how sorry they are and…anyway. I thought they were progressing a little, but…I was wrong. I should have known better.”

I pulled him into an embrace, his head resting on my shoulder briefly. He cleared his throat and pulled away, but I took his hand, unwilling to let him go.

“So, are they coming to the wedding?”

He sighed. “They have yet to RSVP.”

My mouth dropped open. “You invited them and they didn’t even RESPOND?” He nodded. “Wow. That is incredibly fucked up. I’m sorry, honey. Want me to hack their Facebook accounts and post an endless stream of rainbow flags and gay pride parade videos? Because I totally will. As long as you know their email addresses…and the passwords I might even be able to guess. Hedied number 4, capital U, maybe? Or how about thorncrown33?”

First a gasp, then a giggle, followed by a chortle and a slap to my bicep. “You are HORRID, Maude, and I love you. So much. Thorncrown33. Good lord. HA, see what I did there? My god. HA! AGAIN!” The waitstaff was staring…not openly, but a glance and a smirk here and there. Simon tugged on my hand. “Time to go, BFF. Allow me to provide you with foodstuffs as a reward for your loyalty to the king, and your service as court jester.”

We held hands in the elevator, and continued to do so out on the street as we waited for our cab. He leaned in to kiss my cheek at some point, and I kissed his in return. Words seemed unnecessary, and I wondered if that was what he’d wanted to tell me, which would leave only the thing he wanted to ask me, and I couldn’t even being to imagine what that might be. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted the long lens of a camera poking out from behind a bush.

“Um…Simon? You might want to prepare yourself to be slightly more internet famous than you already are.”

He looked around, and I pointed. He waved at the camera. “Hi! Yes, this is Tom Hiddleston’s fiancée. Maude Gallagher. Yes, I am holding her hand. Yes, I just kissed her.” He let go of me and walked over to the bush, peering around it. “Oh good, there you are. My name is Simon Ahlberg. Lovely to meet you, and sorry to disappoint, but I’m gay. And engaged. Actually, I’m getting married on New Year’s Eve, at the stroke of midnight, to the most wonderful man in the world, Luke Windsor. Proprietor of Prosper PR. Genius, love of my life. Will you print that, maybe? I’d appreciate it if you would. Also, Maude is my maid of honor. It’s going to be the best wedding ever. And I mean EVER! Print that too, okay? I’m a petty bitch and want everyone to be jealous.” He turned on his heel and literally skipped back to my side as I saw the pap emerge and wander off, shaking his head.

My own head was shaking back and forth, and I began to applaud. “Dude, that was fabulous. SO FABULOUS.”

“I know. I hope he runs with it…because seeing an article in the Daily Fail or something about me getting gay married would really piss my parents off.”

During the cab ride he called Luke, whose response to the pap encounter was initially ‘you did WHAT?’ but dissolved into ‘I love you even more than I thought possible right now’ and I just sat quietly, torn between ranking on them and reveling in the magnitude of the love they’d found in each other.

Bocca Di Lupo looked tiny from the outside, the front coral-colored bricks and industrial style windows. The interior was actually spacious and bright, the length of the building allowing for a decent amount of patrons. To the right was a bar that took up a quarter of the entire space, the bottom crafted from medium, rich honey colored wood, seamless and curved at either end, the oval top comprised of stone, round stools with rust-brown leather seats and chrome legs. The dining tables were toward the rear, and we were seated just on the other side of the bar, tucked in a corner with a wall on two sides. The table tops were the same material as the bar counter, and the chair cushions, back and seat alike, had the same covering as the bar stool seats. The lighting was amazing, a huge O-shaped chandelier with metal accents, placed right in the center of the dining area.

I took one look at the menu and raised a brow. “Lamb sweetbreads? Pigeon? Suckling pig? Really?”

Simon rolled his eyes. “I am attempting to expand your food horizons by encouraging you to sample some authentic Italian dishes.”

“Thanks, but…no thanks. The buffalo mozzarella seems safe…it’s just buffalo milk, right? And I’ll have the meatballs braised with wine and lemon, and a side of roast potatoes and wild garlic.”

“Never say I didn’t try. I’m going for the octopus, roast tomato, celery and basil salad, wild boar as my main, and a blood orange and red onion salad.”

The waiter took our order, and as we sipped our drinks Simon fidgeted in his seat for a few minutes, finally breaking the silence by clearing his throat.

“Okay, Miss Maude. I’m not sure whether I should ask or tell first.”

“You didn’t already tell?”

His head titled to the side. “Um…no. Why…oh, right, the parents. No. That just…happened. I’ve decided I want to do the asking now. So here I go. You know our wedding song is Feeling Good by Nina Simone, yes?”

“Yes. Duh. I’ve told you at least a hundred times that I love it and it’s one of my favorites and it’s perfect. And Phaedra has a friend who’s going to sing…”

“Yeah. About that…her friend’s gone off to Ireland to care for a family member who’s become ill, so she won’t be singing after all. Which leaves us without someone to sing our wedding song and…”

“Are you going to ask me to sing a Nina Simone song? THAT Nina Simone song? With the bit of scatting towards the end that I could never, ever replicate? At your wedding?”

He nodded emphatically. “Yes times four. Not like you haven’t sung it before, or am I wrong?”

“Of course I’ve sung it before. Just not in front of a room full of people at A WEDDING when it was the WEDDING SONG.”

Leaning across the table, he placed his hand over mine. “So will you do it?”

My chin fell to my chest as I sighed, then lifted my head to meet his gaze. “Sure. Why not. Not like I’ll be wearing a see-through dress and pasties while I’m doing it…OH WAIT…I WILL BE!”

I could practically see the relief wash over him. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You’ll be fantastic, I know it, and it means so much, having you sing it…” He broke off as the waiter appeared with our appetizers, wiping a tear from his cheek. The buffalo milk mozzarella was delicious, and I focused on it intently so I wouldn’t notice the octopus bits on Simon’s plate and barf all over the table. The main course arrived shortly thereafter, and we ate quickly, casually exchanging stories regarding what we’d been up to while we were apart. We both ordered chocolate and marzipan balls with rum and raisins for desert, and I threw caution to the wind and chose a Bicern to go with it…a mix of hot chocolate, coffee and cream. Once that had been delivered, Simon closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then opened them.

“Now comes the telling. This is a big one, and it’s not something we’re telling anyone other than Phaedra and you and Tom until the time is right. So.” Another deep breath. “Luke and I have decided that we’d like to have a family. Together. A child. Children. Kids. Us. Together. We’ve got our egg donor, and some eggs set aside already, actually, and just last week we found our surrogate. Now this is the crazy part, the totally, completely mental bit…are you ready?” I just stared, and he snorted and continued. “It’s my ex-wife, Lisa.”

Mouth agape, head tilted, I was momentarily at a loss for words. “Are you…are you…are you fucking kidding me?”

He roared with laughter. “No. No I am not. Luke and I discussed our plans with Roland, because it’s something we thought he should be aware of so he can get used to the idea, and apparently he went home and told Lisa that we wanted to have a family and that he wished he knew how to help because I’m such a great dad already and Luke’s a great dad too and that any kid would be really, really lucky to have us as parents and...” He paused, holding back a sob, then continued, tears streaming down his face. “So Lisa talked to Jim, her husband, and they all came over and…here we are. She loves being pregnant, apparently. And she actually said she’s very happy for me, that I finally found what I was looking for, and that raising a child with someone you love is an experience everyone deserves to have and…” He put his head in his hands, weeping, and I reached across and took hold of his wrists.

“Simon…that’s incredible, and beautiful and I’m so, so thrilled for you both.”

He pulled his hands from mine in order to blow his nose in his napkin. “The plan is to use two embryos on the first go round, one fertilized by my sperm, the other by Luke’s and see what happens. And…we’re going to start trying in April. And AND, if and when we’re successful, I’m likely going to be stepping away from Prosper to be the stay-at-home parent.”

Those words hit me hardest, because I hadn’t even thought about what I’d want to do when there was a real, actual baby in the picture. Would I continue to work full time? Go part time? Not work at all? Yay, more things for me to obsess over. And what would Tom want to do? Cut back on his own work? Try and stay close to home? Or would the baby and I travel with him? I was yanked from my wool gathering by Simon tapping on my forehead.

“Maude? You okay? What’s going on in there?”

I squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them. “Well, since it’s confession time and all…I’m going off the pill next month. So, are you all ready for Christmas or what?”

“MAUDE! OH MY GOD! CAN YOU IMAGINE IF WE HAVE BABIES AT THE SAME TIME?” He realized he was shouting about my personal business in the middle of a crowded restaurant, threw a wad of cash on the table, and escorted me outside, my jacket only halfway on.  “Sorry about that. Damn. But I AM SO EXCITED! Are you excited?”

“Uh…sure. Yep. Excited. Also filled with trepidation with a little horror mixed in because I have no idea what I’m doing and will probably suck at being a mom. But also in awe of the fact that there might be a little combo of Hiddleston/Gallagher genetics running amok at some point, and I can’t wait to see Tom with a baby. He’s always wanted to be a father. Hopefully I’m not too old to make that happen. Christ. Can we be done talking about this? I…”

He gave me the biggest bear hug I’ve ever had, whispering in my ear as we waited for the cab. “Don’t be stressed. I’ve got experience, and trust me, it’s the most amazing thing you’ll ever do, and you’ll be an exceptionally excellent mother. And you aren’t too old, honey. Plus, if you need a little help, you have the funds. So no worries. It will happen.”

I wiggled free as the cab pulled up to the curb. “I hope so. Shit. I promised Tom chocolate. Can we swing by a bakery on the way home?”

His elbow rose in my direction. “Twist my arm, why don’t you?”

“You sure you want to put that out there, Simon?’

He tucked his arm back into his side. “I hereby rescind my offer. A sling would really clash with the wedding theme, and inhibit my dancing considerably. Good call.”

“Damn right.”

The ride back was uneventful, both of us busy munching on some of the chocolate chip cookies we’d purchased. After trekking up the stairs we hugged goodbye in the hallway, and as I turned my key in the lock I could hear Tom speaking loudly inside. I opened the door to find him pacing in the kitchen, one hand in his hair, pushing it back over and over, the other holding his phone to his ear.

“Yes, yes, I KNOW. Okay. I’m not sure how to handle this. I know. You don’t either. It’s just so sudden. We’ll figure it out. Maude’s home. I have to go.” He tapped his phone, then looked up at me, his face paler than usual, visibly upset and unduly stressed. “It’s my father.”

My first thought was that he’d passed away, but Tom’s tone during the call didn’t quite convey that. He’d seemed agitated, short tempered…and that was my shtick for a dead parent, not his. I walked toward him, stopping a foot away, uncertain if he wanted to be touched at this juncture, speaking firmly but softly.

“What happened?”

“He’s coming to Christmas. After almost twenty years of completely ignoring all of us during the holidays, the son of a bitch is coming to Christmas.”

#your light in the mist #chapter 38

[megamanx1994]

Star vs The Forces of Evil: Attack on Earth Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Butterfly vs Lizard (Disclaimer!) Toffee was battling Marco, Tom, and Ludo. “Die you human!” said Toffee, “You give me that gem!” Marco jumped down into the crowd. Toffee was searching for him. Tom made a flame clone of him to distract Toffee. Orion had the gem in his hand and planned to insert it into the machine. “My time has come,” he said. “…. And it it’ll merge our dimensions into one,” said Comet, “Father no!” “You’re too late,” said Orion, “The humans have seen their last day of peace!” Comet grabbed his staff and blasted a magic shot at him. “You will cease this now!” said Comet. “Comet don’t do this,” said Orion, “You’ll be aiding the very people who took your mother away.” “You’re not doing this out of love for Mother anymore,” said Comet, “You’re doing it out of hatred for humanity!” “You ungrateful insolent child!” said Orion. He got out his weapon and they were dueling. Marco, Tom, and Ludo were on one side of a bridge and Toffee was walking over to them. “Come and get it lizard face!” said Tom. He pulled out a tiny bomb with a face. “B—bomb!” said somebody. People were running. Tom winded it up and it started walking over to Toffee. The ground cracked and it fell. “You messed up boy,” said Toffee. Marco got in a stance. “Alright, come on,” said Marco, “Come and get it.” Ludo had the wand ready. Star was opening a portal to Earth. One by one, everyone stepped through. Marcia stayed. “Good luck Comet!” said Star as she went through. Comet and Orion were still fighting. Their weapons clashed at each other as the weapon was charging. Comet tried shoting magic attacks but Orion was too fast for him. Orion pushed him to the ground and was ready to kill him. “I now see there is no hope of saving you!” he said, “Now you DIE!” Marcia ran up and blocked his attack with one of her tools and forced him back. She was forced back the other way. Comet rushed to her aid. “Are you ok?” asked Comet, “Any injuries?” “No, I’m fine,” said Marcia. “Then what were you thinking?” asked Comet, “You could’ve gotten hurt?” “I saved you dummy,” said Marcia, “I couldn’t let the true king of Mewni get hurt.” “What……” said Comet. “Don’t you understand? This is how the battles are won,” said Marcia, “Not by fighting what we hate. By protecting what we love.” Marcia kissed him, and he started to kiss back.” Orion pushed the gem into the machine before falling to the floor. “Oh no,” said Comet, “Marcia come on!” He grabbed her hand and they got into the force field. Toffee was getting closer. “Come get it asshole,” said Tom. Toffee reached for it but Marco pushed back. He was about to fire his weapon but it shut off. It then started to vanish. “Wait….. its melting,” said Toffee. He realized what it meant. “We’re merging,” said Toffee, “You don’t have the gem! You foolish human.” Their bodies started to vanish. Toffee started to cackle. “We’re merging!” he said. Their bodies disappeared completely. Marcia got one of her tools. “I’m gonna try and drill it out,” she said, “Comet give me that thing that looks like a corkscrew!” “This?” asked Comet. “Yes!” said Marcia. She took it and placed it on the machine. She then started to use it. Janna saw something appear on Earth. “Its Mewni Castle!” said Janna. Marco and the others appeared. “Marco!” said Star. Toffee cackled. “Its Earth, my world!” said Toffee. He started attacking Marco and the others. Star did a spin kick to stop him. “You’ve interfered for the last time!” said Toffee. Marco shot a hadouken at him but it barely phased him. He then came at Toffee with a barrage of punches. Toffee grabbed both of his hands and pushed him deep in the ground. He then started brutally beating him. Star and Tom started throwing things at him. “Keep him busy,” said Tom. “What are you doing?” asked Janna. “You wanna see what I’m really made of?” asked Tom, “I’ll show you.” He got in the center and transformed. He was now a giant red skeleton with flames. “Its on now, bitch!” he said. They started duking it out. Tom started blasting fire at Toffee in hopes of burning him to ash. Toffee then grabbed him by the neck. He saw Ludo reaching for the wand. “When I’m done with him, I’m gonna make a skeleton out of you Ludo,” said Toffee. “Be one with the magic,” said Ludo. He blasted Toffee with an ice attack and destroyed his hand. Marcia and Comet pulled hard and managed to pull the gem out. The worlds started to separate. “What?” asked Toffee, “NOOOOOOOO!!!” They were all warped back to Mewni with Star. The B-bomb was walking up a wall. Comet and Marcia were rushing up to find Marco and the gang. Marcia saw them. “Marco!” she said. Marco saw them. “More guards showed up. “Kill them!” said Toffee, “Kill them!” Buff frog played some dance music to distract them. Marcia rushed with Comet’s staff. Tess tossed her a pair of stompers. “Stupid!” said Toffee as he knocked them over. Marcia hovered over to them. “HUMANS!” said Toffee as he tried to attack her. She made it. “You pathetic humans!” said Toffee. He tried attacking again. “Duck!” said Star as she pushed them both down. The b-bomb was walking on the side of the bridge. “Hey dickhead!” said Marcia. She blasted Toffee with a dark eco blast while Marco fired with his staff. He started to transform and gain more reptilian features. The b-bomb stopped right under his feet and exploded. He fell into a levitating pot. “Did we win?” asked Marcia. They looked closer. Toffee appeared turned into a giant lizard creature. “See you later alligator!” said Marco. He and Marcia continued to blast him. At first it seemed like it had no effect, but Toffee was transforming again. His body seemed to turn into some kind of slime. It fell out of the pot and splashed all over the floor. He then formed. “OH come on!” said Tom. “You really think you’ve won?” asked Toffee, “You don’t call the shots, I do!” He crawled near them. “Only I know how this all plays out!” said Toffee. Ludo slammed a brick wall on him. “Take that!” said Ludo. Star hugged Marco. “I’m so glad you’re ok,” she said. Toffee’s magic was undone and the royal guard was restored. “What’d I miss?” asked Heckapoo. Orion appeared. “King Orion!” said a guard, “What happened?” “Its Star and Marco, they attacked me when I tried to merge the dimensions!” said Orion, “And they were the ones who killed the queen and my brother! Lock them up!” “WHAT?!” asked Star and Marco in Unison. “He’s lying!” said Star. “Sorry but we trust Orion,” said a guard, “And nothing you say is gonna change our mind.” “WAIT!” said Comet, “My father deceives you.” They all turned to Comet. “You may think you know your true king, but I have seen the true kind of monster he is,” said Comet, “Behold!” He slammed his staff on the ground and showed everyone the footage of Orion’s scheme. “Orion planed this all?” Asked a guard. “No!” said Orion, “This deception is my son’s attempt of trickery!” “LIAR!” shouted King River, “I was there when my brother boasted about his plan to kill us. It was as you see!” The guards turned to Orion. “I am your king!” said Orion, “I did this for YOU!” Comet punched him in the face and ceased his staff. “You reign is over,” he said. He then turned to the guards. “Is this your king you want Mewmans?” asked Comet, “Someone who lies to you and deceives you for his own benefit?” “What are you doing?” asked Marco. “Becoming a beacon,” said Comet. He turned back to the guards. “You need a king who cares for all worlds and who wants to make peace with other beings, not one who wants to annihilate an entire species,” said Comet. Star stepped up. “Comet, when we first fought on Earth, I thought you were going to be like this forever, trying to rule humanity,” said Star, “I thought you were always going to be evil and try almost all attempts to rid yourself of me, and now……” She smiled. “I realize I was wrong,” said Star, “You truly are worthy of the crown.” She passed the crown to him. “I now pass on to you, the crown of a king,” said Star, “And in the name of my father, and his father before, I Star Butterfly dub thee the king of Mewni!” "Can you do that?" asked Marco. "I'm a princess," said Star, "I can do what I want." “Cheers to the new king of Mewni!” said River, “Hip-hip….” “Hooray!” said Star and Marco. “Hip-hip….” Said Moon. “Hooray!” said Tom and Janna. “Hip-hip….” Said Star. “HOORAY!” said everyone. Marcia ran up to Comet and kissed him. “So Star…. About the wedding,” said Moon, “I know you’re not about royal stuff, but I think you’ll enjoy what we have in store.” There was a mixed wedding with royalty with a hint of Mexican flavor. Everyone joined in for the wedding to see Star and Marco get married. After a long speech it was finally time for the main question. “So do you Marco Diaz, take my daughter Star Butterfly to be your wife, to cherish and care for until the end of your days?” “Queen Moon…. I mean, mother in law,” said Marco, “I do.” Moon smiled. “And do you Star Butterfly….” Said Moon. “I DO!” said Star excitedly, “….I mean… mother, I do.” “Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife,” said Moon. Marco was about to kiss Star, but she scooped him down and kissed him. Everyone cheered. Later the party commenced. Crash was feeding Jackie pizza nuggets, while Tom was playing darts with Janna. Jak and Daxter were hanging around Tess and Kiera. Banjo and Kazooie were performing music. Someone came in. It was Spyro. “Guys!” he said. “Dude what’s up?” asked Crash. “There’s an attack from Cortex’ army,” said Spyro, “I could use some help.” “Well what are we waiting for,” said Star as she got her wand, “Let’s do it!” They all sprung into action. THE END…….

I got the magic in me Every time I touch that track, it turns into gold Everybody knows I've got the magic in me When I hit the flow, the girls come snappin' at me Now everybody wants presto magic Magic, magic, magic Magic, magic, magic Magic, magic, magic I got the magic in me

These tricks that I'll attempt will blow your mind Pick a verse, any verse, I'll hypnotize you with every line I'll need a volunteer, how about you, with the eyes? Come on down to the front and stand right here and don't be shy I'll have you time-travellin', have your mind babblin' People tryin' to inherit the skill, so they askin' me Even David Blaine had to go and take some classes, and I see Mindfreak like, "What's up man? What's happenin'?" So come one, come all and see the show tonight Prepare to be astounded, no Ghost or Poltergeist You know I'm no Pinocchio, I've never told a lie So call me Mr. Magic Man, I float on Cloud 9

I got the magic in me (I got the magic, baby) Every time I touch that track, it turns into gold (Yes, it turns to gold) Everybody knows I've got the magic in me (I got the magic, baby) When I hit the flow, the girls come snappin' at me (They be snappin', baby) Now everybody wants some presto magic Magic, magic, magic Magic, magic, magic Magic, magic, magic I got the magic in me

Well, take a journey into my mind You'll see why it's venom I rhyme Stay on the road, so I call my mama when I got time I hit the stage, go insane, then jump into that crowd See, see, when I rhyme, I flow on the beat like pidda-dow-dow See I deceive you with my intergalactic ego I sing just like Aretha, so respect me like I'm Caesar I kick it like Adidas, flowin' sticky like adhesive Be cautious 'cause what I be on'll leave you with amnesia I break all the rules like Evel Knievel It's a spectacular show 'cause my heart pumps diesel So whatever you're saying, it don't entertain my ego I do this everyday, Hocus Pocus is my steelo

I got the magic in me (I got the magic, baby) Every time I touch that track, it turns into gold (Yes, it turns to gold) Everybody knows I've got the magic in me (I got the magic, baby) When I hit the flow, the girls come snappin' at me (They be snappin', baby) Now everybody wants presto magic Magic, magic, magic Magic, magic, magic Magic, magic, magic I got the magic in me Someone was walking into a dark room full of ice and crystals. “After years of searching, I’ve finally found you,” he said. He rose his hand and tapped the crystal where somebody was trapped in. “And now Eclipsa, I do believe it is time we….. break the ice,” said the stranger. The ice started to crack and the person opened her eyes. Fireflies by Owl City You would not believe your eyes If ten million fireflies Lit up the world as I fell asleep 'Cause they'd fill the open air And leave tear drops everywhere You'd think me rude But I would just stand and stare I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'Cause everything is never as it seems 'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs From ten thousand lightning bugs As they tried to teach me how to dance A foxtrot above my head A sock hop beneath my bed The disco ball is just hanging by a thread (Thread, thread...) I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'Cause everything is never as it seems (When I fall asleep) Leave my door open just a crack (Please take me away from here) 'Cause I feel like such an insomniac (Please take me away from here) Why do I tire of counting sheep? (Please take me away from here) When I'm far too tired to fall asleep (Ha-ha) To ten million fireflies I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes I got misty eyes as they said farewell (Said farewell) But I'll know where several are If my dreams get real bizarre 'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar (Jar, jar, jar...) [2x] I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'Cause everything is never as it seems (When I fall asleep) I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep Because my dreams are bursting at the seams Comet placed the Reality Gem in a capsule in the Royal Guard’s hideout. “Its important that this gem stays out of the hands of evil,” said Comet. “We will do what we can your majesty,” said Heckapoo. “Count on us,” said Bufffrog. One of the tadpoles gave Comet a sloppy kiss. “Clingy little fellas aren’t you,” he said. “What’d you let her kiss you like that for?” asked somebody, “Gross.” It was a yellow circle loking fella. “Ease off the pellets Pac-boy,” said Comet. Star Butterfly will Return………

#starco #star vs the forces of evil #star butterfly #marco diaz #marcia diaz #comet dragonfly #orion dragonfly #jak and daxter #kiera jak and daxter #starco wedding #tom lucitor #jantom #janna ordonia #Crash Bandicoot #spyro #smash bros #FFEU Phase 2 #fan fiction extended universe

[goldenalec]

malec + christmas in switzerland

ok so i must have watched ed sheeran’s music video for “perfect” 384098 times and this is what came of it, so pls enjoy some malec + christmas/snow/skiing/there’s-a-cat-involved fluff just in time for the holidays!

It’s official: they are definitely getting kicked out of this place.

Simon and Jace had gone head to head in a cinnamon schnapps shot contest, even though the two of them have about as much tolerance for alcohol as a couple of fourteen-year-olds. They are now in the midst of delivering the most horrendous, ear-splitting rendition of “All I Want for Christmas Is You” that Alec has ever heard, arms swung over each other’s shoulders and completely oblivious to the fact that their sober selves barely tolerate each other.

The two of them make their bows amid thundering applause (for what, exactly, Alec fails to understand) and practically fall off the stage, before lurching towards their table.

“THAT – that was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.” Jace says loudly, his face bright red. He claps Simon hard on the back. “Dude, you’re the best singing partner. So good. Are you in a band or something?”

“BRO.” Simon slurs, holding Jace’s face between his hands, “I love you, man. I really do. Like so much. You’re the best Jace I know.”

Jace frowns, looking way too offended. “I’m the only Jace you know.”

They are in a tiny bar in a tiny town in Switzerland. The place is drowning in Christmas decorations, and the air is thick with smoke from cigars and the heady scent of alcohol. Alec runs his finger along the rim of the glass he’s been nursing for the past hour.

He’s all for snow and fun, but if he hears Jace slam down his glass on the table and scream “ANOTHER!” one more time, he thinks he’ll lose it. Izzy keeps trying to get him to drink more, or maybe partake in a stupid card game when really, all Alec wants to do is hide away with the man pressed up against his side, the man who is the reason Alec had even agreed to be dragged along on a ski trip.

Magnus grins at him. “Well, aren’t you having fun.”

Alec groans, leaning back until his head hits the wall behind him. “I think I’m going deaf. Am I deaf?”

Magnus laughs, leaning in to press a kiss to Alec’s cheek.

“What do you say we get out of here?” he murmurs, low and soft in his ear, and then he flashes Alec a smile that sears itself into his memory, so much so that he completely ignores Jace pretending to stick his finger down his throat, and Izzy groaning at them to “get a room.”

Sounds pretty reasonable, Alec thinks, as Magnus slips his hand into his and drags him out of the bar.

Alec picks up the last slice of pizza from the box they had picked up on their way to the cabin. He’s surprised they even made it home, what with Magnus deciding it was the right time to pelt Alec with snowballs while he was carrying a box of pizza. They had found themselves on the snow-covered ground, laughing and throwing snow at each other, and ignoring the confused looks from strangers at seeing two grown men rolling around in the snow. In a moment of silence, Alec had looked at Magnus and wondered if it was possible for one person to be everything he could have ever hoped for.

He had wondered if it was possible for his heart to double in size.

Now, concealed in the soft warmth of the cabin, and watching Magnus curl up on the sofa, dressed in one of Alec’s hoodies and fluffy pants that have “My BiFi Signal is Strong” emblazoned all over them, a mug of hot chocolate in his hands and staring out at the snow through the window, Alec thinks it just might be.

Magnus turns to look at him. “You’re staring, Alexander.” He says, a soft smile spreading over his face.

Alec spreads his hands, grinning. “I like the view.”

Magnus rolls his eyes affectionately, “Who would’ve thought you would turn out to be the cheesy, romantic one?”

He laughs lightly, swinging his legs off the sofa and walking slowly towards Alec. His eyes twinkle, and Alec is pretty sure he has the most dopey, love-sick expression plastered across his face, but somehow he can’t bring himself to care.

Magnus stops when there’s barely any space separating them. “Not that I’m complaining.” He says softly, before leaning in.

Alec closes his eyes, welcoming the familiar feeling of Magnus’ breath tickling his lips, and just as their lips brush together slowly, he feels slender fingers slip into his own and snatch the slice of pizza out of his hand.

“Hey!” His eyes fly open, and Magnus is cackling so hard his face turns red. Alec chases after him, jumping over corner tables and chairs, and very quickly, their laughter fills every inch of the cabin, warming it better than any fire ever could. Soon, they find themselves on the floor, lying side by side and breathing hard, and Alec’s sides ache from laughing in a way he only ever seems to do when he’s with Magnus.

He turns to face the man in question. “You’re a terrible person.” He says, curving an eyebrow.

“I know, it keeps me up at night.” Magnus smirks at him, leaning in to press a quick kiss to his lips before lifting the pizza to his mouth.

~*~

The snow has started to fall. Magnus can make out the fluffy whiteness falling steadily through the window. Alec stands up and pulls Magnus to his feet.

“Come on! Let’s go outside.” He says excitedly, grabbing a lantern from next to the fireplace and walking over to where his boots are.

Magnus looks at him incredulously. “Are you crazy? We’ll freeze to death! I’m too young to die.”

“Don’t be such a drama queen, babe.” Alec rolls his eyes, “Come on!”

He tugs at Magnus’ hand, a cheeky smile playing across his lips. “Come on, I’ll keep you warm.” He says quietly, and really, how can Magnus say no when he’s smiling at him like that?

Magnus relents, groaning light-heartedly as Alec pulls him out the door, and almost immediately, the cold hits him like a slap to the face. He shivers as Alec places the lantern down on the ground.

Alec turns to face him, and his unguarded, angelic smile warms every inch of Magnus. He takes a deep, theatrical bow and then holds his hand out to Magnus.

“May I have this dance?” he asks, his smile bleeding into his voice.

God, Magnus loves him so much it hurts.

“You’re ridiculous.” Magnus laughs, his cheeks hurting from how much he’s smiling. Alec simply shrugs, still looking at him as though he’s hung the sun in the sky.

He places his palm in Alec’s, marvelling at how they seem to fit perfectly, and he keeps his eyes locked on the man in front of him as he pulls him in, wrapping his other arm around his waist, and Magnus rests his own on Alec’s chest, feeling the steady, sure beat of his heart under his fingers. A heart that beats strong and true.

“I learned from the best.” Alec says softly, smirking, leaning forward and resting his forehead against Magnus’, and Magnus doesn’t even have a response to that.

Their breaths mingle, white with cold, but Magnus doesn’t feel any of the chill that surrounds them. He doesn’t feel the sting of biting wind that sweeps over them with great whooshes anymore, because Alec ignites the kind of fire in him that burns bright, fervent. They move together slowly, and it doesn’t matter that there’s no music to accompany their movements.

When their lips meet, Magnus’ mouth parts as though in prayer, and his blood sings in his ears as Alec kisses him thoroughly breathless, tasting of fresh snow and hot chocolate. Of countless more nights spent just like this one, wrapped in each other’s arms, shielding each other from the world, and Magnus thinks he could drown in this feeling. In more heady kisses, in the outline of Alec’s smile, warm and familiar, pressed against his own.

But the moment is broken when Alec suddenly lets out a yelp of surprise, jumping away from Magnus and knocking his head against his.

Magnus throws him a sour look, rubbing his forehead. “What happened?”

He doesn’t get a response, because Alec is too preoccupied with something at his feet.

It’s a tiny cat. Really, it’s so small and so white that Magnus almost can’t make it out nestled against the snow. It’s curled up tight against Alec’s leg, as though it’s afraid to let go of him for even one second.

Magnus sympathises entirely.

Alec crouches down and holds a hand out to the cat, and it immediately nuzzles against his palm, arching its back into his touch.

“Hey little guy.” He says softly, and then Magnus joins him, crouching and reaching out to pet the cat, and it’s such an adorable little thing that Magnus feels his heart twist in his chest.

Alec scoops the cat up, holding it tightly to his chest, and it cuddles further into his hold. It’s definitely a sight to behold, Alexander Lightwood with a cat literally as big as his hand.

“Oh my God, you precious thing.” Magnus whispers, reaching out a finger and feeling his heart melt as the cat rubs its face against it.

“We can’t just leave it out here.” He says, “It’s so cold outside.”

Alec nods, a small, besotted smile on his face. “I’ll be right back.”

~*~

Alec heads inside the cabin, cradling the kitten close to him, and grabs a blanket from the sofa. He places it next to the fireplace, setting the kitten down on the blanket. He watches, heart melting, as it snuggles into the folds of the cloth, stretching and finally closing its eyes, falling asleep in a matter of seconds.

He rubs behind its ears one last time before heading out to join Magnus again.

“I put it next to the fireplace.” He says, rubbing his hands together, “Poor thing was so tired, fell asleep almost immediately.”

“I love this soft side of you Alexander,” Magnus hums, and he curls his fingers around the lapels of Alec’s jacket and pulls him closer, “You should let it out more.”

Alec grins, wrapping his arms around Magnus’ waist and pulling him into his chest. “Only with you. I have to keep up my heart-of-stone reputation, remember? Can’t give Simon any ideas.”

Magnus laughs, a sound that Alec feels to the very tips of his being. The look in his eyes as he gazes into Alec’s is one of complete adoration, pure as the driven snow, and Alec loves him so damn much that sometimes it feels like it’s all he’s capable of. He presses his lips to Magnus’ forehead, relishing in the way Magnus lets out a breath that blooms across his collarbones. He wants to bottle up this moment where it’s just the two of them, where nothing else matters.

And it’s pure, unaltered magic. It’s magic in the way the snow falls around them, carpeting the ground, nestling in between the soft strands of Magnus’ hair. In the way all they can see for miles on end is glistening white, occasionally dotted with points of light. In the way there seems to be nothing but silence enveloping them, broken periodically by the sound of a warm breath, of the rustle of fingers against clothing, of the press of a kiss against cold skin.

“I love you.” Magnus says, and his eyes burn into Alec as though they want to commit him to memory.

“I love you.” Alec whispers, the words falling from his lips as easily as they always have, as they always will. It feels like it’s the easiest thing Alec will ever say.

And it is, because loving Magnus is like breathing. A natural action, something that comes to him like it’s meant to be. Something beautiful. Loving Magnus is like waking up to the sun dancing over his skin, like feeling the gentle summer breeze card its way through his hair. It’s like counting the stars in an endless expanse of obsidian black. Loving Magnus is this feeling, curling warm and bright within him.

And when they end up adopting the kitten, and when Magnus insists on naming him “Chairman Meow,” and when Alec laughs so much that he almost doesn’t know what to do with the inexplicable joy rushing through him, he knows that he never, ever wants this to end.

also on ao3

#malec #malec fanfiction #malec fanfic #malec fic #magnus bane #alec lightwood #christmas #christmas fic #a lot of fluff #so much fluff #my writing #matthew daddario #harry shum jr #userri #willjtudor #userswancy #lightwoody #patronusmagnus

[yakumtsaki]

Well, well, well, look who’s back with the most morally repugnant update in Union history. Me. It’s been a very productive summer of Netflix, chill and giving wrong directions to tourists but all good things must come to an end. Also coming to an end is my ill-fated attempt to kill Max, who, after refusing to eat the cake FOR 2 FUCKING DAYS is finally released from the cage of death. Honestly, I’m impressed, Max, you’re definitely not as stupid as you look.

-Yea, I get that a lot.

I doubt that but whatever, now gtfo and I better not see your Komei-clone ass around Jojo ever again or it’s back in prison for you!

-So, Jojo, not that we’re not all extremely invested in the excruciating selection process of your husband, but are you any closer to picking one?? I mean I love this whole commune thing we have going but the constant food delivery for 8 is killing us.

-We’re afraid not, dear brother, it’s starting to look like no one in this world is worthy of our majesty.

Ugh are we really doing royal ‘we’ now? Is this what this has come to?

-Yes, college has really helped develop our sense of self-worth.

How can it be self-worth if you’re ‘we’?

-This is exactly the kind of idiotic questioning that would get you eliminated from the suitor process. 

Oh, perish the thought! And miss out on this classical-music-dick-measuring-contest you have them doing?

-Ew seriously, Francis, Vivaldi? Why don’t you turn up to Justin Bieber while you’re at it.

Man, what a zinger! Good times. JOJO PICK A FUCKING DUDE ALREADY SO I CAN MOVE THE OTHERS OUT THE LOT IS LAGGY AS SHIT

-I lost the dick measuring contest and my punishment is sleeping on the couch.

KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP MELODY

-Maybe later, Real Housewives of Pleasantview is on, Cassandra is getting dragged for the pigtails!!

-Ha, look at this Vivaldi-listening losér! Point at him and laugh, everyone!

-Who’s laughing now, bitch? Not you with that hoof right in your French-whore mouth!

-Ugh, aren’t you late for the beans-on-toast feast, you limey piece of merde?

Not since the 100 Years War have French-British tensions ran this high. Of course that one was for a throne, while this one..

-Is for something far more important.. Our heart.

LMAO Jojo please be serious, you don’t have a heart.

-We absolutely do and it’s made out of pure gold.

Yea I guess, I mean gold is a metal after all! 

-Do you really think you should be eating decaying Chinese food, mon cheri? You’re going to need a soda to digest it and you know it’s too cold for your teeth!

-Wyatt, I don’t pay you to think, I pay you to sit across from me and look pretty, and occasionally to scooch down next to me so I look taller.

-You actually don’t pay me at all.

-Yes and obviously I’m getting my money’s worth.

Wow Jojo tone it down, your gold heart is shinning so brightly I’m gonna go blind!

Precious Gunther has added three new addictions to his existing sex one! A) working out in this atrocious outfit.

B) blowing bubbles from dawn to dusk.

and c) and the most disturbing one, constantly being alone in enclosed spaces with his brother’s intended, Brit Brit. At first I wasn’t too worried about it, thinking Brit is a popularity sim so it’s only natural..but then..

I SEE THIS. GODDAMMIT GUNTHER WHY MUST YOU HAVE CHEMISTRY WITH EVERYONE

-Man idk, it’s almost supernatural. Blame it on God ;)

UGH I don’t even know who I hate more, your whore ass-

-or this fucking llama that hasn’t gone home in 3 days and is eating all our pizza. 

-I just feel so accepted here, like I’m part of the family, you know? 

GET OUT

Speaking of furries, not even the cow will approach the fucking cowplant, jfc. I mean you’d expect some kind of kinship there but nop. Great job Jojo, you killed a dozen secret society members for a defective cowplant.

-Mooo :(

I don’t know which one of you did that but stfu, I can’t anymore with this flop ass household!!!1

ANYWAY back to Brit and Daniel, it seems like my Gunther concerns were baseless, since these two remain eternally into each other, always autonomously doing cute crap.

-Oh Daniel, let me serenade you with the song of your people!  

The kings made us drunk with fumes, peace among us, war to the tyrants! Let the armies go on strike, stocks in the air, and break ranks. If they insist, these cannibals on making heroes of us, they will know soon that our bullets are for our own generals  ♪

ROMANCE ISN’T DEAD

In other news, allow me to present you all with Melody’s personality panel. I was under the false impression that being the child of Wanda and Stephen she was.. nice?? But nop, total Union freak material! We hit the jackpot once again. Now her best friendship with bitch Brit makes total sense.

-Honestly girl, this janky ass house is such a step down from the sorority, I spend half the day thinking of ways to peace out.

-Ugh I know, I was on the fence at first but can you really put a price on good d?

-Aw, what are my beautiful hens cackling about? May I join?

-No.

-I was about to make a math joke but I doubt you gals would get it, amirite? As Barbie said, math is hard!

- I’m a literal math major.

-Oh I know, Mel, good for you! Affirmative action works wonders!

KILL HIM AND HIS HAREM WE DON’T NEED THE LAG

It’s another day in paradise. Daniel has finally cracked and gone full Komei, autonomously cleaning shit even though we have a maid..

Melody ate a ton of burnt grilled cheese and is non-stop throwing up..

AND THIS BULLSHIT IS STILL GOING ON. STOP IN THE NAME OF LOVE

-What?? We’re just talking, GAWD

No you’re not “””just talking””” you’re gossiping and doing sexy whispers, I KNOW YOUR TRICKS GUNTHER-

-I don’t mean to interrupt but I think you’re focusing on the wrong issue here?

OH AM I?? DO TELL

-LOOK OUTSIDE BITCH

Nice try whores, nothing is happening outside-

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMM WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. WHAT. 

-That’s right, Ti-Ning and I are in love now!

............................FRAN THIS BETTER BE SOME DRY ASS BRITISH HUMOR 

-Nop! We got tired of waiting for Jojo and we decided the best way to handle it was to suddenly make out in front of him even tho we have never even flirted before!

THIS LITERALLY CANNOT BE HAPPENING

-Well it is, so best accept it and we can all move on :)

Oh yea certainly, I mean if anything Jojo is known for his ability to forgive and forget!

See the ghost of Ti-Ning indeed! Finally a wish Jojo and I share. 

TI-NING OMFG THIS LACK OF SHAME

-Haha!!! Finally I’m free to be as gross as I want >:) 

Well.. enjoy it while it lasts.

-The hell does that mean??

Nothing, just you know, none of us know when our time will come.. only that it will. The curse of human existence, one might say. Only we among the animal world know that we will die. Memento mori, Ti-Ning. And we will memento you. 

-..Yea, maybe it’s time I move out?

I mean, you can try..

..but like the curse from It Follows, it follows. It being Jojo. How you holding up boo?

-Oh, I’m great, can’t you tell?

You know what might help? Some of your beloved homework! Do something useful, get your mind off this stuff..

“Sending The First Human to Mercury and Leaving Him There: A Very Specific Space Exploration Proposal” 

-Jojό!! I’m writing about how I finally won your heart but please don’t look, I’m gonna read this at our wedding!

-Yea I literally couldn’t care less about you and your thoughts/feelings/etc, what was left of my heart is dead and gone and now there’s only a black hole there.. Oh we could also send Ti-Ning to a black hole if Mercury doesn’t work. Nice.

-UGH how are you even still alive and breathing the same air as me and not dead from shame like you should be, you vile adulteress???

-OH PLEASE you’re just mad cause Fran and I realized we can do better than your mega-jaw ass. If not for the endless supply of bubbles around here blurring our vision this would have happened weeks ago!

-I’m going to strangle you in your sleep and my jaw will be the last thing you see.

-Your jaw would be the last thing I saw even if I died on the moon.

-MAYBE YOU WILL

.....................well I guess it’s official then. And if the above didn’t seal it..

..this definitely did. God have mercy on me, what a shitshow.

While Tin and Fran are woohooing, Jojo attempts to end his troubles once and for all by running out of the house and into a thunder fire. Thankfully the rain puts it out quickly and all we’re left with is critically low hygiene. 

Man, serving Penguin teas! You have the entire look down, Jo. I’d tell you to audition for Gotham but that’s extremely bad career advice

-Oh god, I almost died!!!! 

Aw I know, but don’t worry you’re safe now <3

-No I mean I came so close but didn’t make it.. :(

Jojo please, if anything, live to kill Ti-Ning and Francis. You owe it to yourself.

As soon as Fran and Tin are done, guess who rushes in to gossip next to the bed. ISTG YOU ASSHOLES, BREAK IT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I THROW YOU OUT THAT WINDOW

-Whatever, we’d just land on Jojo trying to set himself on fire.

-LOL oh Brit you’re so funny!

I HATE THIS HOUSE

-HAD FUN, DID WE YOU SLUT

-Get him, Jojό!

Honestly Wyatt, I get being supportive but I’m really starting to worry about you, even demeaning yourself has its limits..

..especially since Jojo continues to be a massive freakshow. Good lord.

-Oh Francis, don’t tell Wyatt cause you know how he gets, but your total disregard for my existence is making me see you in a whole new, hot, light..

Man, good thing Wyatt isn’t standing 3 steps away from you!

Oh yes, loving this dinner. An ocean between us..

-I wouldn’t eat that third slice if I was you, Ti-Ning. Your funeral day is fast approaching, don’t you want to look nice for it? 

-Well you’ll be there so it doesn’t matter, everyone will be looking at your jaw.

Yes, what a wonderful night. Now let’s all go to bed and hopefully everyone will have calmed down a little by tomorrow!

LMAO yea idk what I was thinking.

-Strangle me in my sleep? How about I strangle you in broad daylight???

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but.. poor Jojo. Not only did he get his ass beat, but to literally add insult to the injury-

-everyone is lusting after Gunther during his defeat. Jfc, I’d want to set myself on fire too.

Oh here we go, Gunther to the rescue! 

-How dare you beat up my brother even though he attacked you first? Prepare to die!

-Whatever, I’ve been preparing for that for the last couple days!

Aw, Gunther is such a good brother/giant loser depending on the outcome of this fight.

VINDICATION. Bravo, Gunther, defending our non-existent family honor!

Daniel, in true Daniel fashion, slept through this entire shitshow, which might be the smartest thing he’s ever done.

Oop, spoke too soon. Say what you want about Gunther and Daniel but man do they both love Jojo! Truly god knows why.

-So Brit, you’re studying poli-sci, can you think of a peaceful resolution to this? Haha!

-YOU STFU TI-NING MY FINALS ARE TODAY MY GPA IS ALREADY IN THE TOILET AND NOW IM GONNA FLOP CAUSE YOU ASSHOLES SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT FUCKING AND THE WHOLE DAY FIGHTING AND I HAVEN’T SLEPT AT ALL DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL I’M GONNA BURN THIS PLACE TO THE FUCKING GROUND IF YOU TRY ME

Well, you might not need to Brit! WHAT IS UP WITH THIS HYPER-FLAMMABLE CACTUS

Brit returns from her finals with a free pizza! How’d you do, Brit?

-Saved by the nightie again!

NOICE. Got a freebie pizza from it too?

-No, I found it in the garbage. My gift to Francis and Ti-Ning for their 3 day anniversary! 

Jojo’s official greek house portrait coming along nicely! Wow he looks very majestic..

..Instagram vs Real Life.

-Bowling is so satisfying if you pretend the pins are your former lovers’ genitals!

Whatever coping method works for you boo!

Gunther and Ti-Ning are officially enemies which is hilarious because not even Jojo is enemies with him?? Follow your bliss, Guns!

In an impressive display of brotherly synchronicity we have double slapping across the room. Double the slapping for half the time, Jojo is as always a true capitalist.

JOJO!! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WON! So proud of my baby <3 I’m ofc kidding, this shit has gotten old really fast and I extremely feel Brit watching uninterested. ENOUGH  

HARD MOOD. Brit is honestly on another level than the rest of us basics. What an icon.

For some reason I bothered to fulfill Ti-Ning’s want to learn that relationship maintenance or w/e lifetime skill (talk about money down the drain) and the irony of this pop up text almost sent me to an early grave. And we know who’s going to an early grave today..

IT’S CAKE TIME. REACH OUT, TI-NING. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT

FINALLY. GOODBYE FIGHTING AND INSANE LAG

JESUS JOJO. STONE. COLD.

Ice Cube would like to say, that I'm a crazy muthafucka from around the way, since I was a youth, I smoked weed out, now I'm the muthafucka that ya read about, takin' a life or two, that's what the hell I do, you don't like how I'm livin well fuck you ♪

Wyatt and Brit were on their way to react to Ti-Ning’s little accident but somehow got sidetracked and are now randomly arguing on the porch. Honestly I don’t even know what’s going on anymore, I’ve lost all control of this household.

Jojo rushes over to celebrate Ti-Ning’s demise by immediately slapping the shit out of his grieving lover! Whenever you think we can’t possibly sink any lower, think again. Like right now, after the slapping, are you thinking we can’t sink any lower?????????????????????????????

THINK. AGAIN.

ARE YOU SCREAMING? CAUSE I DID

YUP THIS IS HAPPENING

IT’S REAL

IT’S. REAL. THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH CURSE WORDS IN ANY LANGUAGE TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS

FUCK YOU FRANCIS. FUCK. YOU. YOU’RE GETTING MURDERED SO FUCKING HARD YOU UNBELIEVABLE ASSHOLE. I’M FUCKING DONE. JOJO YOU’RE GONNA DIE ALONE TIME FOR ALL OF US TO ACCEPT THAT REALITY. WE STARTED OUT WITH 3 CANDIDATES AND ENDED UP HERE. HOW THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN FRANCIS AND WYATT HAVE. 1 BOLT. ONE. WYATT IS A FAMILY SIM I’M SO PISSED OFF I NEED TO TAKE A MOMENT

OK. In my 10 years of playing I have never wanted to quit without saving more than with this bullshit. Look at fucking Fran’s smug ass face and moron Wyatt putting on an Oscar worthy performance of shock and regret. YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID NO, YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE HOME WYATT. What the FUCK are we gonna do now???? I guess good thing Max Flexor survived the cage of death. GOD.DAMMIT

#ts2 #union legacy

[soldierforgotarchive-blog]

Sentence Starters Ft. Me & My Best Friends Pt 2

“AMERICA”

“AMERICA??”

“That’s gay you fucker.”

“I want a wax seal.”

“__ is the ultimate comfort food.”

“I’ve decided no longer to sleep, it doesn’t react well to me.”

“I’M DOWNLOADING GEOMETRY DASH MELTDOWN. __ SCREECHED WHEN I SAID I WAS AND I JUST CACKLED”

“I had a bad dream, are you okay??”

“Did you fall back asleep and have another bad dream?”

“PIZZA PETE MY H E R O.”

“IT’S SEVEN AM AND I’M SPOOK.”

“SWEET DESTRUCTION”

“I’M A LOUD CLOUD OF WORRY”

“If you want less murder, try not to suck death’s dick as much.”

“IT MAY AS WELL HAVE SET FIRE TO MY ENTIRE THROAT”

“life has many doors ed boy”

“how long my erection lasts.”

“erection’s running out.”

“Old fashioned porn hub.”

“Just got done being a prostitute.”

“Subtle porno tape.”

“Deluxe porno tape.”

“Lookin fly and ready to die.”

“Psychic barber offers free glasses with every reading.”

“DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD ON THE TABLE”

“It looks so good on you!”

“The spooky nails will have to go.”

“Goodbye, spoop soldiers.”

“Eat more.”

“let me chug this vodka and i will.”

“I await ___’s arrival.”

“I await Captain Dangus von Ballington’s arrival.”

“Okay it’s happening the alcohol is creeping up. Save me.”

“At least I can buy a happy peen.”

“Can I yell about __?”

“Mid-painting, ‘FUCK MY B A C K’. They take the picture anyway.”

“I want noodles now. I don’t want to put forth the effort though.”

“I forgot what __ is.”

“I forgot what carbonara is.”

“I GOT A FEDORA.”

“IM GOING TO MAKE CHEESE STICKS. FUCK YOUR FEDORA”

“Let me be the parental unit for your friends too.”

“Fuck it, why not.”

“No.”

“THIS IS HALLOWEEN”

“Do I do my nails or cook my cheese sticks first.”

“Don’t die.”

“Turns out you can drink a shot to Hamilton’s ‘my shot’. Like every time he says the word ‘shot’ or anyone else. You just have to be quick.”

“Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again.”

“Consume manflesh.”

“what”

“Flesh of the MAN.”

“WHY.”

“It’s a lord of the rings reference!”

“I DON’T REMEMBER LORD OF THE RINGS”

“eat the flesh of anyone who upsets you”

“What have you done.”

“AM I WRONG”

“It looks like a mask on a serial killer!”

“He/she/they needs/need so much help.”

“’I got a thing for my laptop computer’. Isn’t that basically porn?”

“Go make hot chocolate. The biggest cup you can.”

“How was being a seafolk?”

“I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU AFFECTION, THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR”

“The second the friend hit zero and he started chugging, I was just grinning and went off saying ‘thanks for the free drink, babe’.”

“HE/SHE/THEY IS/ARE YELLING AT ME BECAUSE HE/SHE/THEY SAID ‘FUCK BOTH OF YOU’ AND I IMMEDIATELY SAID ‘NOT INTO THAT’.”

“WHY IS A FISH IN THE SKY. WHAT THE FUCK. THANKS OBAMA.”

“My head hurts.”

“I found out the hard way __ has no concept of bite strength. He/she/they proper bit down on my thumb and there is blood.”

“Deep breaths.”

“I hate everything.”

“-PTERODACTYL SCREECH-”

“You reminded me that I, too, have mozerella sticks in the freezer. The world is a good place.”

“I bought two packs of hot chocolate.”

“Mega hot chocolate.”

“Oh god I have to go say hi to my aunt/uncle/relative.”

“HE/SHE/THEY SMELLED LIKE DUST FOR SOME REASON TO ME AND I ALMOST COUGHED.”

“Plant cat holds my heart.”

“I want a hundred and thirty-two pancakes.”

“HELLO __ LOVE OF MY LIFE.”

“If you show me I’ll show you mine.”

“I WAS ARTING I DIDN’T ASK FOR A HEART ATTACK”

“NOW I’M SPOOP. SHIT.”

“DO I LOOK LIKE JESUS TO YOU”

“SKELETON ON A DATE.”

“The baker of baked.”

“A guardian of the galaxy and captain of the skies.”

“THREATEN TO SET HIM ON FIRE”

“I gotta screech for all eternity.”

“Is that the girl from Bioshock in the background.”

“Dipper’s book from Gravity Falls is under the couch.”

“Remember when you called me an asshole once?”

“Yeah. And I felt bad. I DON’T ANYMORE. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. okay that was a lie i still feel bad.”

“I want __ to play the autistic guitar now so this can happen.”

“NO NOT AUTISTIC”

“the what guitar.”

“PLAY THE AUTISTIC GUITAR BOY”

“I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY”

“I do not chill.”

“Are you prepared for the pain.”

“YOU GIVE LOOOVE A BAD NAAAME”

“That pizza deserved better.”

“IT’S NOT GAY IF IT’S ON THE MOON.”

#Memes #[ Useless Lesbian Psychic ] (Out Of Character)