#I forgot to draw the leash on the last picture

[furmilk]

Colin №2 participated as a reference in todays sketch art

#I forgot to draw the leash on the last picture #martyn inthelittlewood #itlw fanart #inthelittlewood fanart #new life martyn #new life smp fanart

[stuff-from-the-void-matron]

Laurel Wreaths & Animal Teeth (7)

(c!Technoblade x fem!Reader)

(I know y’all are getting tired of waiting for Techno to arrive, so am I! But I have no solid control over the story plot lol but I swear it’ll happen soon!! And y’all know the drill! Reblogs and comments keep this story going. So if you want a chapter 8 then please show this chapter some love! <3)

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(FORGOT TO MENTION ART!

The amazing 'YeetUsFeTUSDelETusss' on DA was so cool and drew two pictures to bless our eyes!!)

READER HERSELF!

READER PROTECTING HER BOYS!

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Only Tubbo showed up the next day, and he said he sadly couldn’t stay for long because him and Tommy were needed back at L’manburg for a while. Meaning him and Tommy wouldn’t be able to visit for a bit, but they’d try to visit as soon as possible! Hearing they’d not come see you for who knows how long made you pretty sad. You honestly looked forward to when they’d visit. It was honestly the highlight of your day. But you knew whatever nonsense was going on in L’manburg currently would need their attention. Though you wondered what exactly was going on. You recalled a decent amount of the ‘history’ of the Dream SMP but you knew you could be misremembering or even mixing things up. But you did remember the big things that happened. Like the wars and stuff. So needless to say you were concerned.

‘What point in history am I in right now? Whenever it is, L’manburg is apparently still standing,’ you thought pensively before asking Tubbo what was going on that they’d need to stay in L’manburg.

Tubbo sighed and said it was ‘just some drama’ but apparently their, meaning his and Tommy’s, older brother figure Wilbur had been president of L’manburg for the entirety of the time L’manburg had existed. But some new citizens who joined them found out he’d not been properly elected and didn’t think it was fair to everyone that Wilbur had basically just made himself president without any input from everyone else. Which you could see was not right but this information told you that you were in the pre-election time. Which meant Schlatt and Quackity hadn’t won yet… But that hinged on this universe even being the same one that you’d watched on youtube. Things could be different here for all you knew. You’d always believed in the multiverse theory so who was to know WHICH universe this was. Or how you even got here. All you could do really was to just… wait and watch.

A couple hours passed during the short visit and towards the end Tubbo showed you how to message others, ie; him and Tommy mostly. You’d known how to message others and put in commands and stuff in regular minecraft but you’d just sort of never thought to try those things here in this place. Though to be fair you’d been dealing with a lot of stuff so fiddling with your inventory and everything hadn’t been your top priority. And when he’d mentioned messaging him your first thought had been ‘how?’, because this was a ‘real life’ minecraft, where things were very similar but not always exactly like how it was in the real game. The biggest difference being that there was no computer keyboard or ‘screen’ for the type/chat option to be at the bottom of like in the game.

But to your surprise the place to type in a message was actually IN your inventory. More specifically it was at the very bottom of the main section right below where your items were stored in the hot bar. You’d never paid the long ultra thin box at the bottom any mind, assuming it was just part of the weird design. But no, Tubbo showed you with his inventory how if you tap on the thin box (that you’d honestly thought was just a line) it expands into a typing window! Your eyes widened at that and watched as he tapped the typing box again and a little keyboard appeared below the typing box and he started typing something into it. You squinted and he said to message someone you needed to be sure to type ‘/msg’ and then whoever’s name you’d like to send the message to!

He demonstrated this by typing out the first part then right after it typing your ‘name’; aka Reader. Briefly you wondered why it had been made that but you brushed that thought away to focus on what Tubbo was doing. You saw him type ‘hi reader!!’ before hitting Enter. Then a second later you heard a soft ‘ping!’ sound and you just KNEW your inventory was waiting to be pulled up. Like knew in an instinctual sense. Like how you knew to blink or how to walk. Just an instinct you couldn’t explain so you brought it up and there at the bottom the ‘line’ was flashing a pale red. So you did what Tubbo had done and tapped it, revealing the little typing box. Only this time it had a message in it! It said, ‘Tubbo whispers to you: hi reader!!’ and you smile. Excited now you type out a message to him and hit send. He got it and laughed after he read it. 

‘Reader whispered to you: hello my little goat boy!! :)’

After that he blinked when more messages popped onto his text box. These were from Tommy and Wilbur it looked like. With a sigh he checked his clock and dismissed his chat box before saying he was sorry but he had to get going. He’d actually stayed longer than he was supposed to. You were sad to see him go but knew he’d be back, and hey, now you could message him and Tommy to make sure they got back to L’manburg safe instead of just wondering like before. So you told him to be careful on his way back and to message you that he was safe home when he arrived, and also if he needed any help. He laughed and cheekily said he would but gave a shy smile when you pulled him into a hug and gently knocked your antlers with his horns, but he happily returned it. Not so secretly enjoying the affection. But he had to pull back and leave.

That left you to your own devices.

-0-

With nothing better to do you initially spent the next three days building a couple fountains in the village (which was getting pretty big..). One tiny frog shaped one in the little grotto at the west side of the village and a much larger more traditional one in the opposite side of the village. You’d even set up park benches, flower plots, lamp posts, and stone sidewalk around the bigger one. It was very pretty and the villagers seemed to be enjoying it. But after that was done you’d sorta gotten bored. You weren’t really inspired to do anything else to the village so you thought of ways to occupy yourself. Eventually a metaphorical lightbulb flickered to life above your head and you got an idea. 

You could go to the Nether! 

Sure you weren’t the biggest fan of the place but it beat sitting around twiddling your thumbs waiting for a reply from your only two friends like some loser. And hey, you liked giving piglins gold. They made cute little piggy snorts when they were happy. So with that loose plan in mind you got up from where you’d been lounging by the creek and brushed yourself off before heading out to the place outside the bamboo and prickle berry wall you’d placed the first Nether portal. You crafted one real quick before tensing up when you heard the sound of rustling behind you. Assuming it was a creeper or something you glanced back, not that it would hurt you but you still found it unsettling for anything to be sneaking up behind you. You caught a brief glimpse of something small and white disappearing into a cluster of ferns. You paused, wondering what it was but then about a block to the left of the ferns a chicken and her chick walked out from around a tree. ‘Oh, must have just been a baby chicken’, you thought with a mental shrug before turning back to your task of lighting the portal with your flint and steel.

Once activated you stepped into the purple swirling mist and your vision warped before you ended up in the Nether again, stifling heat and all. 

-0-

You’d been exploring the Nether for what felt like hours. The place was goddamn enormous! You’d followed the same sand block trail from the last time you’d been here, seeing the piglins and a few striders along the way. And to your delight a familiar little piglin baby started following you. She (you think she’s a ‘she’, that’s the vibe you’re getting anyways) had to be the one you’d played with the last time you’d been in the Nether. You crouched down and patted her head and pulled a golden carrot from your inventory before gifting it to her. She squealed happily and munched on it. You kept walking along the sand path before reaching the fortress. That’s when you diverted your path to the right and started exploring that way, careful to keep laying down sand as you did. You thought the baby piglin had stayed back but after a while of walking you heard a soft snort and glanced down to the left of you to see her happily trotting along with you, still nibbling on the golden carrot.

You wanted to melt, she was such a cutie pie. You stopped and asked if she should be travelling so far away. Won’t her parents miss her? She blinks and seems to understand you before shaking her head ‘no’. You figure she must have some pretty lenient parents. But you suppose piglins are sturdier than humans so it makes sense they’d keep their kids on a looser leash than humans would. So you ask her where her parents are and if they’d be okay with her wandering off with you, a stranger. She tilts her head and shrugs. You purse your lips and ask if she can take you to her parents so you can ask if they’d be okay with it. This time she shakes his head no. So you ask her why and she seems to be thinking how to answer before she goes over to the closest block of sand and starts drawing in it. You look over her shoulder and see her drawing three hearts. Then your stomach sinks when you see her draw an ‘X’ over each heart, meaning one thing..

“Oh sweetie, did your parents lose all their lives?” you ask in a gentle tone.

The tiny piglin nodded and your heart broke for her. You asked some more questions and discovered she wasn’t really being taken care of by any one piglin. The other piglins knew her parents were gone so they’d sorta chip in to make sure she had food. But that was really it. This made you feel worse so you just sighed and patted her head and said she could join you while you explored the Nether. She snorted happily and you two continued on your way. Eventually after walking for a bit you came across a warped forest. You had to admit the biome was much prettier in person. The stark contrast between the Nether’s usual red color scheme and the teal of the warped forest was really beautiful. Even the weird little green/orange fungus that were growing everywhere were cute. You even picked a handful to keep, placing them in your inventory before continuing your little jaunt with the baby piglin. 

That last thought made you mentally pause and realize that you couldn’t just keep calling this kid ‘baby piglin’. So you stopped walking and looked down before saying you forgot to introduce yourself. She could call you Reader (since that’s what your little name thing said..). Then you asked what her name was. She blinked before snorting a little, like she was clearing her throat, and said, “Azogamay.” 

You smiled and said you liked her name, making her give a cute little tusked smile. Then as you continued exploring you both made small talk. Nothing deep (how deep could conversation get with a little kid) but you asked each other the usual questions. Like favorite foods, favorite colors, favorite animals, etc. Then Azo (you’d taken to shortening her name to make it easier) answered one of your questions with some gibberish that made you pause. You glanced down at her and gave a ‘huh?’ that made her giggle before apparently remembering you weren’t a piglin. She said she forgot and spoke Piglin. That made you raise your eyebrows because you’d never thought about other species in the game having their own language. But now that you were thinking about it, it totally made sense. Of course they would, duh. Now very curious you asked her to teach you a little! Like did she know how your name would be said in Piglin? Her answer surprised you…

“Eaderray!” she said in her quiet baby voice.

Now you two had entered a wide soul sand valley, which made Azo anxious. She hid behind your leg, making you recall that Piglins didn’t really spawn in this biome or like soul fire (which is super common here). You had to admit the place was rather creepy. It didn’t help that the soul sand beneath your feet was emitting a rather creepy whispery wail. So you decided to turn back and try another direction. Azo seemed relieved and trotted along behind you. But once you were walking again you remembered your last thought and had a vague feeling about this ‘piglin speak’ and wanted to hear more. So you asked Azo some other words, just to test this theory of yours. And well…

Skeleton? Eletonskay…

Blaze? Azeblay…

Strider? Iderstray…

Lava? Avalay...

Gold? ...Oldgay (that may have made you snicker).

But you got the idea and honestly you cannot be held accountable for your reaction after you realized Piglins honest to fucking god spoke PIG LATIN.

You lost it. You laughed so hard you doubled over and had to brace your hands on your knees to keep from collapsing onto the ground. Azo didn’t know what was so funny but your laughter was contagious and she ended up laughing too, intermixed with little snorts that made you laugh even harder. It was a whole cycle. And by the end of it you’d laughed so hard you started coughing and had to sit down to catch your breath. The giggles returned a couple times but eventually you got control over yourself enough to be able to breathe normally again. As you sat there, little Azo looking up at you in amusement, you couldn’t believe the absolute batshit nonsense that was happening in your life right now. But out of everything that had happened, you think finding out Piglins spoke pig latin had to be the funniest. Though you wanted to test your theory further so you said to Azo,

“Ellohay Azogamay, isyay isthay ightray?”

Azo’s eyes brightened and she perked up, looking close to bouncing from excitement as she realized you were speaking ‘Piglin’ to her. She started babbling at the speed of light, in a way that all excited toddlers seemed to be able to do. While it was cute enough to pull a chuckle from you the downside was that you could not understand a single word Azo said. You got her to slow down, telling her you didn’t speak Piglin fluently so she would have to go slow with you otherwise you’d be lost. She nodded, just happy that you could understand Piglin. So she slowed down a lot and chatted with you that way. And that’s pretty much how the rest of your time in the Nether went. You traversed through the hellish dimension and brushed up on your pig latin with the little piglin. 

It has definitely been a LONG time since you’d even thought about the made up ‘language’. You’d had a friend in elementary school who had been Obsessed with it. It was all they spoke sometimes and they’d talked it up so much that it caught on with the rest of the class, yourself included, and soon everyone was using it to write notes to each other, like a secret language. You’d even speak to each other only in pig latin during recess and lunch breaks. You’d been fluent in it and didn’t even have to think before speaking. Though after a year it had lost its popularity and everyone slowly stopped using it since the fad was over. But you still remembered a good deal of it. Enough to speak it slowly anyways. But the more you used it the easier it was to speak it. It was like riding a bike you supposed, you never truly forgot it.

-0-

Things were going fine until they weren’t. You’d stopped to have lunch in a crimson forest, more for Azo’s benefit than your own, and were sitting and eating for a while before Azo started playing with a baby hoglin. Which had been fine, you’d seen baby piglins and hoglins do that in the game before, no biggie. But they’d gotten rambunctious the way kids do when they’re playing together. And while chasing each other around Azo had smacked into one of the adult hoglins, which had pissed it off enough for it to snarl angrily and start chasing Azo. And Azo in turn began squealing in fear while running away. You’d dropped the steak you’d been idly munching on and sprinted after the two. Sadly the hoglin was closer to Azo than you and managed to get one good hit in with its tusks, the force behind it practically yeeting Azo up into the air. You yelled in horror as you watched the baby piglin fall down into a lava filled ravine. 

Panic flooded your body, you knew zombie piglins were fireproof but regular piglins were not as far as you knew. Let alone baby piglins who just took a direct hit from a damn hoglin. So without thinking about it you dove into the ravine after Azo, catching her in your arms and fully planning to hold her up above the lava since it wouldn’t hurt you. Once she was in your arms you jerked back instinctively, not sure why, just maybe bracing for the impact with the lava. You waited but… nothing. About that second you realized that you weren’t moving anymore. You’d come to a halt and at first you wondered if maybe you’d landed on a block and not noticed. But… one glance down revealed you were not in fact standing on a block. Actually you weren’t standing on anything. You were hovering about 3 or 4 blocks above the bubbling lava at the bottom of the ravine. You were so stunned that you almost missed the sniffling snorts that started up next to your face but thankfully they broke you out of your shocked state. You looked at Azo and your heart broke when you saw her tearing up and looking close to crying. Forgetting momentarily about whatever the fuck was going on with you floating you focused on soothing her.

“Aw sweetie, are you okay? You took a hit from that hoglin, where does it hurt?” you cooed.

She was babbling mostly, being too upset to try to speak English. And understanding crying pig latin was almost impossible. So you just asked her to point where it hurt. She reached for her back and side and you softly told her you were going to lift her shirt a little bit to see if there was a mark, and she nodded shakily and sniffled while you did. You winced at the blooming bruise and adjusted her so you were basically cradling her and with your free hand you opened your inventory and started looking through the potions. You grabbed a healing potion and uncorked it before offering it to Azo, whose snout wrinkled at the potion. You told her it was alright, it was a healing potion that would make her feel better and get rid of those bruises for her. She looked unsure but still let you raise the mouth of the potion bottle to her lips so she could sip it. She took a few sips before hiccuping, potion swirls wafting off of her after she did. The baby piglin blinked and felt the pain in her back and side start to disappear. 

You smiled and said that must feel better, Azo nodded and was happy she wasn’t hurting anymore. You let her take one more sip for good measure before putting the cork back into the bottle and stashing it in your inventory. But once that was done you were reminded of your current predicament. You were still floating in place above a ravine of lava.. With zero clue on how to move too. Briefly you internally panicked at the thought of just.. never being able to move again!! Being stuck fixed in one spot forever with no way to get down or live freely! Though before you could panic further you took a deep breath and told yourself to relax. This wasn’t permanent, it couldn’t be. There logically has to be a way for you to move. You got yourself stuck here and you’ll get yourself down as well.

And the last thing you wanted was to look scared with Azo here with you. She was just a little kid and needed the only adult around to be strong for her. So you put on a smile and reassured her that things will be okay and you’ll figure out how to get them both safe on land in no time. Azo nodded, looking less worried than before. So you started trying things you think would get you to move. You could move your limbs no problem. Proven by how you could move Azo around with your arms and kick your legs about without issue. But your body as a whole was still locked in place. Though when you leaned your upper body to the left you hit a breakthrough! Tilting your torso to the left managed to move your whole body to the left by about a block and a half! Now onto the right path you started leaning your torso this way and that, figuring out what movements actually got you moving and which ones didn’t. Figuring out how to move side to side and forwards and back was pretty easy. But it was figuring out up and down that was tricky. 

At the moment going down was the last thing you were interested in, what with the lava beneath you. So you tried focusing on going up, and after a lot more wiggling about that you were sure made you look like an idiot to anyone who could be watching (Azo only giggled a little) you finally figured out that to go up you had to tense and stretch your torso a specific way. Like exactly how you would do if you were trying to reach something on the top shelf, only you didn’t have to move your arms or legs the same way, just your torso. Like how people straighten themselves to seem taller, not slouching at all. After getting that down you manage to go up and then over out of the ravine. Which was a relief and a half. Now that the threat of sinking into lava wasn’t a worry you instead fixated on getting down. Thanks to figuring out how to get up you had an easier time getting the hang of getting down.

Once your feet touched the ground the floating thing disappeared and gravity was restored to you, making you able to walk around normally again. You gave a small cheer, Azo snorting happily as you carried her back to your spot on one of the crimson mushroom tree tops. Once seated you let out a breath and felt your shoulders relax. You hadn’t even been aware they’d been so tense, but you guess it made sense what with how you just sorta had a weird physics related mishap. But now that you and little Azo were safe you felt like you could breathe again. 

You took a golden apple out of your inventory and took a bite, the sweet juice soothing your metaphorical ruffled feathers. You noticed you mostly just eat for the taste now. Which was fine you guessed. When you glanced down you held the apple close to Azo’s face, asking in semi-good piglin if she wanted a bite, chuckling when she eagerly sunk her little teeth into the sweet fruity flesh of it. You gave her the rest and just watched the other Nether inhabitants mill about peacefully. Today had been a wild ride for sure. At least compared to your usual peaceful days. You leaned back against the lump of red fungus behind you, Azo cradled in your arms, and sighed calmly. You’d been ready to rest your eyes when you heard a soft ‘ping!’ that had you blinking back into focus. It was your communicator app thing. Thinking it was just Tubbo messaging you to say goodnight or something you casually opened the message. But when you did you raised an eyebrow at the note from your kid.

‘Tubbo whispers to you: the election is tomorrow afternoon, can you come? 

‘Tubbo whispers to you: i’ve got a bad feeling.. i’m not trying to pull you into our mess’

‘Tubbo whispers to you: but idk i’d feel better if you were there.’

You had a bad feeling too… You hoped what you likely knew was going to happen DIDN’T happen but.. it probably was. So you sent back a quick reply to Tubbo.

‘You whisper to Tubbo: of course I will! you can show me around your home! :)

You tried to keep your reply upbeat and happy, not wanting to feed into the teenager’s worry. Even though you were probably more worried now that he was. But regardless.

It looked like you were visiting L’manburg.

#technoblade x reader #technoblade #c!techno #dream smp #dsmp #mcyt x reader #c!tommy #c!tubbo #c!wilbur #piglin #piglin oc

[chickawah23]

hey! im not trying to troll or anything im just confused and wanted to see if you had any insight.

if taylor was going to come out in 2019 (i strongly believe this theory), why would they agree to karlie getting married in 2018? ofc i wouldnt expect them to come out as a couple anytime soon after that, but the timing of it feels strange if they are still together. she couldve just kept “dating” him rather than getting married

The “wedding” was a photoshoot and the photos in the woods were leaked on ig stories by someone on 🛴 team. Karlie spent the end of the night on the floor of a cabin eating a brownie and looked perturbed to say the least. Then almost a year later in June 2019, just two months before Lover was released AND a week before Taylor went public with her tumblr post about the masters sale, they threw a “second wedding” in Wyoming (Karlie referred to it as a party). A party with a copy paper printout of her and Frank palicky taped to shooter bottles of tequila as party favors. (totes High-end don’t ya think). Karlie was notorious for getting papped without her ring. In fact she didn’t start wearing it consistently in pictures until around the time of the pandemic. Karlie is not married to that man and all I can say is she has done a great job in the last two years making sure people forget how this whole thing started to feed this narrative.

For me when it comes to Karlie I just think to myself isn’t it weird how a celebrity always seems to be walking into the face of bad press? Almost as if someone wants them there. She “married” into one of the worst families in the country at the height of 45’s incendiary presidency. Her name was consistently tied to that administration. She was papped with or near them more than she ever was in her many years “dating” him. (She even forgot she was dating him throughout the years of this grand love story). She announces a pregnancy at the height of the pandemic. She is seen yachting and partying with the worst rich people. She gets name dropped in a story about Russian oligarchs at the height of a war for sovereignty in the Ukraine. Like we used to joke about Penni Thow being bad at her job but it honestly just feels like KK is a dog on a leash being walked through a pile of 💩. No one can make this many wrong choices unwittingly. Especially if you look at Karlie’s social media and public presence prior to early 2018. Also, I keep an eye on all of her KNOWN friends and family who used to be a huge part of her life who are now nowhere to be seen. Idk it has always kind of felt, to me at least, that someone is trying to ruin Karlie’s reputation in order to diminish the draw of Taylor ending up with Karlie. Like if I can’t get to Taylor I’ll go for the person taylor loves. So when she comes out you’ll get hate articles about how Taylor is dating this horrendous person who has ties to horrendous people.

The “why” of this all is a question that we can only speculate about. There were blind items from 2019 that discussed taylor performing at stonewall inn and Karlie was supposed to be there with her. Then there were blinds about taylor being allowed to come out but she couldn’t mention Karlie at all. During this time, Karlie was still represented by 🛴 who owned Taylor’s masters. So for me and for some others in this corner of the internet, 🛴 was using Karlie as a bargaining chip to get Taylor to work with him because their relationship was an open secret and Scott B had a lot of inside information. Like “let me be the face behind your coming out and bringing you two together” vibes. Additionally, 🛴has a clause in all his contracts that does not allow any of his clients to speak poorly of him and I think he used that to his advantage against Karlie. This is also why I have always felt like Taylor in 2019 was going in on 🛴. The masters sale was big but I think there was a deeper hate here. But that’s just my opinion. All in all, everything that has happened was really a beautiful disaster.

If you were to ask why Karlie is still in this mess today I’d say it’s because of the re-recording plan. Everything is chilling in limbo until taylor can get back what she lost. To quote Taylor’s introduction to Red TV, “imagining your future might always take you on a detour back to the past.”

Overall this is just my opinion. The only people who know for sure are those involved.

#anons

[ill-skillsgard]

Would you ever write about Faust making Faith squirt for the first time cause that would be the hottest thing ever.

Warning: 18+ SMUT. Anal play, sex toys, size kink, possessive sex, strong anti-Christian themes, squirting, angst, feelings.

Note: I really hope you guys enjoy this one! Please let me know your thoughts and reblog/like if you can! I’d appreciate it. 

Faust x Faith Masterpost [x]

"You didn't wear the outfit," Faust murmured against Faith's lips. 

"Sorry. I forgot. You got here so quick."

He took hold of the metal loop dangling at her neck and smirked. "But you wore this for me."

"I thought you'd like it," Faith giggled. 

"You think you're some kind of naughty girl? Do you think this collar makes you bad?"

Faith shrugged. 

"Do you know what happens to girls who wear things like this?" 

She grabbed his hands and placed them on her chest. "Why don't you show me?" 

"You couldn't handle it," he chuckled. 

Faith wasn't in the mood to convince Faust to do what he wanted with her. He'd gotten it lodged in his head that she was too delicate, but she wanted him to overpower her and make her hurt in that viciously pleasurable way she dreamt of. 

"Come on, Faust, you were the one who said you wanted to wreck this pussy. You won't take advantage of our last couple of nights together by making me never forget them?"

"You say that like I'm never coming back."

Faust nipped her bottom lip, palms sliding down her ribs to the back of her skirt. He pulled it up and squeezed her ass in both hands, watching her face change shapes any time he compressed her skin.

"You're going away for weeks. Who knows what will happen? Maybe you'll find a new girl and forget all about me."

Faust loosened his and shook his hair out of his face. "Don't say that."

"Im just kidding," she chuckled, leaning in for a kiss and meeting the crest of his cheekbone instead. 

"What?" Faith asked. 

"I'm serious. Why do you think that way?"

She pulled away to focus on the solemnity of his face. "I don't know, it's just something girls say."

"I don't think so."

"Relax, baby. It's okay. Let's just do it right here in the car. Please? I'm going to miss you so much when you go away. I need all I can get."

"I don't care," Faust said, framing his long fingers into a C-shaped hold on her neck. He didn't squeeze, but held her in place and drilled into her eyes with his. "Are you saying you might find another guy while I'm gone?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Then why do you think I'd cheat on you?"

"I don't think that," she whispered.

Faust released her throat and tightened his arms around her, pinning her in his firm embrace as she straddled his lap. "I'm not looking for groupies and shit. I just want to play. That's all I care about. That, and you."

"I know, Faust. Why do you always have to take everything I say so seriously? You know I'd never think about that. I'm a good girl, remember?"

Faust's throat rolled out a soft growl. "Good girls don't wear slutty little collars. Or sneak out of their dorms to fuck their boyfriends in the backseat of a car."

"Don't you want to corrupt me? Christian girl, taken by some heathen devil-worshiper... Destroying her purity."

He curled his hips up, the thick seam of his jeans rubbing against her flimsy panties, brushing over her sheathed clit. The pressure grew with the next carve. Faust filled with blood and clamped her frame against him as his hand snuck around to the back of her skirt again. 

"Faust, please. I want it. I'll let you do anything to me."

"I know. You've waited long enough. Now I know what you can and can't handle. But not here."

Faith whimpered when he stopped feeding her strokes of his groin. She'd been wriggling against him, trying to fret hard enough that his buried erection pressed against her folds. Though his tilting stopped, the hands at her behind explored the soft mounds of flesh and the sensitive spots that lied between them.

"You're gonna give me everything. That mouth and those pretty lips. Your cunt. Mm-hmm, and this one right here too. Yeah, I'm gonna fill that asshole with all kinds of things. My fingers... my tongue? Maybe a special surprise I have waiting at home?"

Faith never felt such a violent shiver ripple across her skin. It was like the window cracked open on its own and let in the bitter night air, sweet with the seasonal decay. He pressed his index finger against the promised hole, rotating and varying pressure over the cotton.

"All right, I'm serious now. Let's get going. Climb into your seat and buckle up."

On the ride back to Faust's apartment, his arm stretched over to toy with her clit, still never breaching the protection of her underwear. He only ghosted his fingertips over them, refusing to nudge them aside to give her the full strokes she craved. Even when Faith tried to pull them down, he stopped her hand, clicking his tongue and berating her for being too eager.

"Control yourself. Just enjoy what I give you."

"Please, I want more."

"You'll get more when I decide you deserve more. Tonight, you're mine. My pussy. My tits and ass and mouth. Whatever I say goes. Understand?"

"Yes, Faust."

"Good... Now I want you to lean back and finger your pussy. Then I want you to smear that pussy juice on the windshield. Draw my roommate a little picture."

Faith scoffed, cowering against the backrest, clutching her seatbelt. "What? Are you serious?"

He swung his eyes away from the road for as long as it took for the windshield wipers to clip twice. 

"Do it." 

She obeyed, and parted her legs to insert her middle finger as far as the second knuckle, curling to find the spot inside Faust helped her discover. Faust looked back at the road as she worked herself up, nodding and smirking when she brought her glistening fingertip to the glass to create the shape of a heart. 

"Aw, isn't that sweet? Leave 'em a little message."

Faust held the hand she'd used to finger herself the entire elevator ride up. He led Faith straight into his room after dropping the keys at the door. This behaviour was normal, as Faust never had much to say to his roommate besides agreeing on times to use the car. Faith skipped along with his formidable steps to the bedroom.

Faust's bed welcomed her instantly. Giddy and nearly delirious from the excitement of not sleeping in her own bunk at school, Faith sat down and smoothed out her skirt while he went to the closet to rummage around. 

Even the gory posters and beer bottles gave her a sense of comfort. She'd miss his room, and the nights they spent entangled in each other, his massive limbs always draped over hers while they cuddled or talked or slept or fucked. It keyed into her head then that she wouldn't see his plaid bedsheets or nap under the comforter that smelled like his shampoo and deodorant for a long, long time. She tried not to think about that, but the realization overcame her by the time Faust retrieved the item for which he searched. 

He knelt on the carpet, noticing a single tear on her cheek and wiping it away. 

"Don't do this, babe. Don't cry."

Faith brushed the next droplet away herself and breathed in deeply. 

"I'm so sorry. I'll try not to. It's just hard because... I'll miss you."

"I know. It'll be tough, but when I get home, maybe I'll be able to get out of here... Get a car. Move closer to your school. I won't have to keep borrowing fuckface's shit-wagon to come see you. Things will be better after I get back."

"I just can't imagine sleeping without you for that long."

"It's part of the gig, Faith. It always will be. I'll have to do this at least once a year. Probably more if things go well."

She looked down at her toes and nodded, avoiding the large green eyes imploring her to accept reality. Faust stood up and raked his hand through her hair, pressing her face against his thigh. 

"Don't get soft on me now. We have a big night, remember? Unless you don't feel like fucking no more?" 

Faith would never pass up the opportunity to please him. It always meant if she did a good job, he'd pleasure her right back, tenfold. But tonight made a heavier promise Faith craved since the moment she passed him by in the diner; for Faust to show her the dark side of life, where her elders and superiors had always promised demons lurked, waiting to undo her and lead her away from the righteous path. 

He handled her jaw firmly, raising her to her knees on the bed. He bent at the hips and captured her lips along with the silver ring hanging from her neck. A length of chain slid through his grip as he stood up, and he wound it up in his fist, raising her another inch. The leather pressed into her skin and she surrendered instantly. 

"That's what I thought."

"What're you gonna do to me?" 

"Don't speak. You'll answer me and that's it. Now get off the bed. On your knees." 

They switched spots, Faust sitting on the edge of the bed and Faith kneeling between his legs. He pulled the leash short and worked open the button and zipper of his pants, nodding for Faith to pull them down. 

"You wanna be a bad girl?" 

Faith nodded, a warm, fluttering sensation filling her chest. 

"Yeah. You want to do all the sinful things they taught you not to do in school. Like giving your precious little pussy away. There's no way a slut like you can wait until marriage and you don't care how it looks in your God's eyes. The only one you want is to serve me, even if it means going back on the vows you made to stay pure and chaste," Faust chuckled." Well, it's way too late now. I've already soiled you and taken your virginity. But don't you think it's inherently perverse how those supposed men of God put so much importance on what's between your gorgeous legs? Almost like that's all they think about. And who can really blame them? You can do bad in school, cheat on your work, hurt others, lie, steal, disobey your parents and still earn forgiveness, but the moment you let a man's cock inside you, you’ve got no worth. Funny, isn't it? The ultimate sin is what you crave the most. All those white men policing your pussy. Your pastor... Your father... Your God."

A sliver of her past self shuddered to hear the unabated truth pouring from Faust's lips. There was always a shameful breath lingering inside her whenever they had sex, but she always suppressed it by looking into his eyes to find the love living deep in those green pools. Tonight, Faust didn't let an ounce of affection shine through, determined to bring her shame to the forefront of her mind to exploit it. 

"What? Am I wrong? That's what they taught you, isn't it? That your urges make you sinful. That your natural human instincts put you off the path to heaven. Even though, mm, when I stuff all your little holes, you swear you're already there. Why does it feel so good to fuck me when it's so wrong?"

The residual polyps of her religious upbringing quivered and stung, echoing past lessons drilled into her from birth. Faith was always aware of existence on the other side of the fence where the criminals and harlots and sinners lived, and as a child, thought herself too good to wander into those dim pastures. As she matured, new world realities filtered through the pinpricks her parents overlooked—other children whispering of PG-13 movies, sex-charged billboards and unsupervised access to the internet—leaving behind the silt of the depraved for her to examine with hungry eyes. Nothing excited her more than the thought of finding a used porn magazine at the park, or staying up later than the rest of her girlfriends to catch flashes of soft-core skin on cable television. Now she was neck-deep in the sin they'd worked so hard to keep her from, ready to dive in with but a nostalgic glance back at her old, virtuous life.

It still bothered her whenever Faust referred to God, as they fashioned Him before her as divinity, unchallengeable. The unabashed way Faust spit upon His image made her cringe, yet his gall carved out a spot in her head above her pastor, above her father. Faust was the only man to defy her doctrine, and that made him more courageous than anyone she'd ever known. Even her daddy cowered in fear of God's wrath. Faust... he pissed on the cross and the bible, made a mockery of the gospel and showed her how delicious the grapes of temptation tasted on her contaminated tongue.

Faust pushed the elastic band of his boxers down so it bunched under his balls, helping his shaft stand upright. If left without support, he'd loll to the side, the girth too much for his blood to circumvent.

"Open your pretty mouth and suck this fat fucking cock, right now."

Faith displayed her tongue, waiting for him to trace a line from tip to tonsils. The warm pre-cum coated her tastebuds, and she wrapped her lips around the head, swallowing the fluid and moaning.

"Oh, Christ, baby, that looks so good. How does it taste?"

Faith hummed in agreement, unable to form a word with the mass wedging her jaws apart. He bucked his hips up once, hitting the back of her throat, then settled on the bed and let her go to work while he used the chain leash to angle her head. Bubbles formed around the ridge, dripping down in all directions to lubricate the way. Soon, Faust shivered from the warm froth gliding downward and pulled her off by the chain, anchoring his shaft against his belly.

"Suck that spit off my balls," he barked.

Faith did as she was told, keeping her eyes on his slackened face as she trailed her tongue up and down, collecting the saliva and swallowing.

"Good. That's good. Now, get up on the bed. On your hands and knees," he yanked the chain.

Propelled by the force around her neck, Faith crawled onto the bed and awaited his next move. She didn't notice the shiny object in his hand until he placed it on the bed next to her. A shiny metal plug with a jewelled end awaited, puckering the bedspread under its weight.

Before Faith mustered the courage to ask, Faust pulled her panties down to her knees and lapped her entrance with the same sloppy ardency she'd shown him but a minute before. He nipped her folds and continued upward, two hands now spreading her cheeks apart to reveal the next destination of his travelling tongue.

"Did you get all nice and clean for me?" He snickered.

"Mm-hmm," Faith said with a nod.

"Yeah, 'cause you knew I was gonna play with that ass."

Faust teased her with circles of varying pressure, switching his middle finger out for his tongue the first time he dipped inside. She wiggled and let curious noises escape her before clamping her hand over her mouth.

"How does that feel?"

"It feels... good," Faith replied.

"Yeah? You like it? Like it when I sodomize you?"

She whimpered. Faust took her mewling as a sign to continue. Slowly, he inserted his fingertip, reading her body and how it contorted from the new intrusion. When he was certain she wouldn't refuse, he worked the digit in and out, anointing the site with a fresh wad of spit.

"What do you think about the toy I bought for you?"

Faith craned her head to regard the little silver toy. "I like it."

"Really? You're not just saying that are you? It's not just something girls say, is it?"

"No, I want it. I'll do it if you like that."

"Anyone ever tell you how sweet you are? You’re always thinking of others. Perfect little cock-slave. It's really too bad your holes are so tiny. I'd really love to fuck your ass, but we wouldn't want anyone getting injured tonight," Faust said.

Faith simpered and wiggled her hips. There was a brief loss of contact as Faust went for a bottle of lube he always had stashed under the bed for nights Faith needed it. He coated the toy and rubbed the rest around and inside her tightness. With his fingertip eclipsing her hole, he dipped in one last time before replacing the digit with the tapered end of the plug.

Faith couldn't tell what it looked like when her body accepted the weighty piece of decoration, but when Faust had it in place, he breathed heavily.

"Fuck, Faith... That's adorable. How's that feel?"

She tilted her hips from side to side, grimacing from the flare pressing into her cheeks. "It's... Different."

"Spread your legs a bit more. Yeah, that's good. Open up and show me that pussy and your cute plug."

Faust overestimated his reserve of patience. Once affixed with the pink jewel, he lost sight of everything else except filling her other holes too. But he had to control himself if he wanted to achieve what he set out to achieve, and that required endurance. He had to tease her with a little more tongue-fucking before slipping his cock in from behind. She gasped and clenched hard, flinching away. The added fullness only intensified the stretch from his width and the imposing length. Faust seethed a moment before teasing her pussy with the tip.

"All right, work it however you like, babe. Get comfortable. It's a lot."

Left to her own efforts, she sat back on him and let the stretch course through her. Faust watched most of his length disappear, mouth dropped in awe. She continued jamming him back inside after every withdrawal, hoping to impress with her resilience. 

"You're doing good, baby. Keep going. Fuck, that feels amazing."

When Faust grew bored with the position, he flipped her on her back so he could watch her wince in mixed pain and pleasure. Her struggle urged him on, her panting, encouragement. Over the months, Faith got used to the breadth of him inside and didn't tremble as much or wilt from trying to keep up. It was time to move onto the next part of his plan, which was to introduce yet another form of stimulation. 

Faust had her sit on him, his chest to her back, fully enveloped in her wetness with the plug angling just right. Once she perched in his lap comfortably, he reached around to rub her clit with one hand while the other anchored her collared neck back so her head rested on his shoulder. 

"You're gonna come all over me, understand? I won't stop until I feel your pussy spasming around my dick." 

Faith squealed from the frantic fingers dancing over her clit, the shaft pumping her in a violent clashing of rhythms. Even his brutal whispers in her ear fell into time, playing her like an instrument with expertise. By her arching back and sharp breaths, Faust knew he was close to his goal. He just had to restrain himself from succumbing to the tightening pressure around him, the feast that was her body contorting on top of his. 

"Are you gonna come? Gonna fucking squirt for me?" 

Faith nuzzled into his neck and whimpered, "I... Can't. I don't know how." 

"Yes, you do. Feel that spot right there? Remember? Remember what I told you."

"Faust," she gasped. 

"You're right there. I can feel it. Right there, Faith."

He coiled his thick arm around her chest, pressing her as he shot his groin up and up. Each thrust landed harder while his fingers coddled her most sensitive spot. 

Amid the barrage of sensations, a peculiar warmth bourgeoned in her groin. For a second she thought her bladder was about to release, but it was too gradual... Too intentional to be a regular function. The undulating pulse sent red hot waves of pleasure through her body, shooting to her fingertips and crackling in her ears like a sudden ascent up a steep mountain. She closed her eyes and let out one continuous groan that spiralled upward, squealing from between her teeth as the volcanic frequencies shut down all other modes of operation. 

Faith didn't notice the first spurt. Only when Faust laughed did she unscrew her eyes to see between her legs. Faust lifted her quickly, sidling them both to the edge of the bed where the mirror reflected the clear fluid dripping down his cock and spreading between their thighs. He'd fucked her hard enough to collect fizz along the underside of his length. She gasped when a contraction forced another small emission from a place inside her she never knew existed. 

"Oh, my goodness... Am I?" 

"Squirting? Damn fucking right, babe. I knew I could get ya to gush all over my dick."

The fervent racks of orgasm subsided after a while, and she giggled. Faust laid back on the bed, feet planted on the floor as he slipped out of her and let her roll to the side. Faith huddled up under his arm and placed her little hand on his heaving chest, his heartbeat kicking up the limb. 

"You didn't come," Faith said.

Faust grabbed her hand and tightened his arm around her shoulders. "Yeah. That's 'cause I'm not done with you."

~*~

On the day of Faust's departure, he drove Faith to her campus and got out of the car to give her a hug. She produced a rickety smile as she buried her face in his hair and the first sniffle racked her throat. She imagined they looked novel to most; Faust spreading his feet and crouching to use his entire body, clam-shelling her in leather-bound arms and ripped black jeans, and Faith in a school kilt and his largest and softest hoodie. 

Faust kissed her once softly, then again slowly. She savoured his breath and sent her tongue after his. They parted, joined once more and parted again for their first attempt at goodbye.

Faith shivered from the effort of holding back her tears. She knew crying would only make it harder to part ways. If she could hold on, then she could cry in her plain, two-sided cubicle in a building of people that weren't Faust. She already felt sorry for her roommate who would suffer her grovelling.

To her surprise, she reared in the heat behind her eyes, remembering the times in the Summer when Faust would talk about touring. The glint in his eye and the smile he let slip only in her presence was Faust at his purest. How could she let her emotions taint his goals? Faith smiled, driven by her unexpected surge of self-control. 

It was Faust who bit his lip and blinked rapidly, trying to smother a tear before it oozed out. Faith gasped at the glimmer he smeared with the leather cuff of his jacket. Then, she broke.

Faust wrapped her up in his arms again and squeezed her tight, Faith jostling with sobs.

"I love you. I love you so much," she cried into his chest.

"Yeah, babe. I love you too. I fucking wish you could just come with me. I don't trust this town either. You better not ever walk alone at night anywhere. Even if it's from your dorm to the parking lot. You always walk with someone."

"I will."

"I'm serious, Faith. And don't fucking hang out with Anika and that crowd."

"Why not? I mean, I won't, but... Why?"

Faust pressed his lips together, squeezing his fist. She cocked her head, and he released his frustration in one deep breath. "All those guys will rip you apart. Because of your... Upbringing. Christians just... Fuck. I can't put this nicely."

"Do you really think I still care about my religion? It was something I just did as a kid. I don't really... I don't know. I know what you guys sing about and I don't care."

"It doesn't matter. To some of them, Christians are the enemy and they'll do terrible shit you'd never think of. Please, just fucking promise me you'll make some other friends. Some smart girls. Have like a girl's club thing in your dorm."

"Girl's club?" Faith taunted.

"You know what I mean."

"No smart boy friends?"

Faust went deadpan, then stooped to grab her ass and pull her closer. "Don't make a murderer out of me. If I hear of any guy—"

"Or girl!"

"Or girl... If anyone tries anything with you..."

"You'll go to prison for me. I know. I'll do everything to make sure you don't end up in prison."

"And you better not worry about me and what I'm up to. My life will be nothing but sleeping on the way to shows, sound check, pre-set, set, post-set shower, then beer in the bus."

"I trust you. But will you say goodnight, every night?"

"I'll try."

She hopped up to kiss him again. "Thanks, beetle."

"One more thing before I go," Faust said, stepping toward the car. He circled to the driver's side and ducked in to grab something he'd tucked under the seat while Faith wasn't around. She already had her mouth covered by the time he returned to the sidewalk. "That collar you supposedly had lying around... You gotta get rid of it."

Faith touched her throat as though the leather strap was still there. "How come?"

"Because I got you a better one," he said, handing her the parcel. The box had a weight Faith didn't expect.

She unravelled the black plastic, a lacquered wooden box beneath the makeshift wrapping paper. The collar inside was thin, with a metal buckle and a thick D-ring hosting a thicker chrome loop.

"Faust!"

"My friend made it. It's not some Hot Topic shit. This collar means you belong with me."

"Is this like your version of a promise ring?"

Faust scoffed. "It's not a ring. It's a collar. Hand-forged metal. Leather cut with skill. Not some tiny, overpriced rock. But if you want me to make you a promise, I will."

"Promise me what?"

"That I belong to you, too."

Faith melted, rolling her eyes and leaning into him. "Ugh, oh my gosh, if you keep being so cute I'm not gonna let you leave! First you cried and now you're giving me something you asked your friend to make for me? That's sooo cute!"

"Shut up. Come on, this is serious."

"I know! Which is why it's so cute, because you're a big, tough, serious man, aren't you?"

Faust's indifference broke, and he chuckled with her as she poked him and hung off his arm. He helped her put on the collar, then slipped the box into her backpack.

They settled back into a melancholic silence, neither one of them wanting to start the next round of goodbyes. Faust eventually stepped into the tight hug, proceeded more kissing and a few deep breaths to wane the sorrow.

"I hope you have fun, Faust. You don't have to worry about me. I promise I'll be safe."

"Say goodnight, every night."

"I will."

"All right... Well, I should go."

"Please do, so I can go to my room and cry some more."

Faust pressed his thumb into the corner of his eye. "Fuck, I know."

"I love you, beetle."

"Love you too, babe. I'll talk to you soon as I'm on the road."

Faust let her go and drove away. An immovable lump formed in his throat as he drowned out his inner-mourning with a cacophony of feral guitars, erratic drumbeats and screeching.

#faust x faith #faust stuff #valter skarsgard fanfiction

[wrestlingchick2021]

His Pet

NSFW!!

Pac x Reader

Pac pov

Dark, Dynamite, Hotel, sleep. A repetitive vicious cycle I was dying to break. The Lucha Brothers seem to have there lives all figured, wives and children, a home, and seemingly picture perfect lives, while I was busy chasing a girl who wanted nothing to do with me. Until, one night on dynamite, she was desperate and in need of a partner. I watched her hazel eyes dart around frantically looking for someone.

"Oh! Pac there you are. I had a question for you." She said as she approached me and the Lucha Brothers; something no one ever did. I looked at her like she was crazy.

"What do you need darling? We're busy right now." I said, my accent extra prominent on the word darling.

"Um, well, I kinda need a partner for my match against Kingston and Bunny. I kinda forgot I didn't have one." She said quickly.

"I see and what do I get in return?" I questioned to nervous girl.

"Anything you want. I promise." She said her voice softened.

I looked to the Lucha Brothers, Pentagon had no interest in her unlike his brother Fenix who was nodding slowly. "I'll do it but you just keep your word." I told her.

She clapped happily. "Great! So I'll see you in the ring I guess." As she turned to walk away I couldn't help but watch her ass as she bounded off toward catering. I look over at Fenix and he had a stupid look on his face and playfully rolled my eyes. Of course I liked her but more importantly I have her promise that I can do what ever I like to her once the match is over.

-Time Skip cuz lazy writing-

As the ref raised our hands over our heads, I looked over at her and she had the biggest smile on her face. Of course we won but it must have felt extra good for because she had a hard time winning on her own. Once we climbed out of the ring, we made our way backstage where I told her to come to my locker room. She looked confused but nodded anyway and followed behind me like an obedient puppy dog.

Once we reached my locker room I spotted Fenix with a piece of cloth in hand. The girl looked me and stopped in her tracks. She was confused.

I looked back at her. "Don't worry darling, he's leaving and soon it'll just be us." She looked unsure. I motioned for her to come over and she hesitantly did so. I took the fabric from Fenix and he walked away smirking as he went.

"Trust me?" I asked her and she nodded. I gently tied the piece of fabric around her head and led her into the locker room, locking the door behind us so we wouldn't be disrupted. I walked her over the couch and sat her down.

"Now darling, I need to know, do you absolutely trust me?" I asked once more.

"Yes Pac, I trust you. Fully." She said with such certainty.

"Good girl." I said and pet her head gently. I reached down to gently take her top off without her seeing what I have planned for her. She got immediate goosebumps as I ran my hand across the top of her back. She turned her head towards me and I smirked, although she couldn't see me.

"I want you to take off the bottoms to your gear darling." I said lowly. She nodded and with a little difficulty cuz they were tight she managed to get them off and tossed them aside. I instructed her to sit back down and she did. Now, she was in nothing but her thong and bralette.

I couldn't help but get hard as she sat there completely submissive to me and only me. This was my chance to take over and make her finally love me. I walked over to the table that Fenix had so thought fully put together in record time for me and saw an assortment of toys to play with. I picked up a short riding crop with a pink end and walked back over to her and gently grasped her arm. She gasped but soon calmed down.

I led her over to a chair and made her sit in it. The chair already had pre-tied ropes thanks to Fenix. He knew I would have my way with her.

"I know this may be weird but you'll love it. Trust me." I whispered in her ear to which she nodded. I tied the ropes around her wrists and ankles tight but not tight enough for her lose circulation in her body. I ran the crop down her body and she shivered. She was gonna like it. I spread her legs and gently tapped her pussy with it. She gasped and moaned softly.

"Shh, pet. You'll be alright. Trust me remember?" I whispered in her ear. She nodded slowly. I stepped away from her just a moment and grabbed a pink, light weight collar and moved back behind her. I pet her head once more and undid the buckle on the collar. I first gently laid in over her shoulder and smirked to myself. My cock was getting harder by the second and I didn't know how much longer I could restrain myself from going fuck crazy. I removed my ring trunks, letting my erection spring free. I then grabbed the collar off her shoulder and buckled it around her neck.

She gulped and began to speak. "Pac, sir, please fuck me."

"That what you want my pet? You want master to fuck your tight little cunt?" I hissed, my accent getting deeper.

"Yes p... Master. Yes master. Please?" She begged softly. She had begun go call me Pac but changed her mind. 'Good girl.' I thought to myself.

"Oh I'll fuck ya alright." I reached down and untied her then made her go to her hands and knees on the floor so I could get the best view of her ass. I chuckled and knelt down behind her and grave her ass a gentle slap, the crop from earlier abandoned on the chair. She moaned and turned her blind eyes towards me.

"Please?" She begged.

"Tsk tsk, darling. You'll get what you want. Be patient, yeah?" I told her dominantly. She nodded. "I'll be back in a moment alright." And with that her turned her head back to the way it was before. I walked back over to the table looking for my desired object. The matching leash to her collar. I grabbed that along with a small bottle of lube, not we were gonna need it but just in case. I went back over to her and she gone down to her elbows and her ass was perked upright. I bent down and smacked her ass hard drawing a loud moan out of her throat.

"Give me your head." I growled and she got back up to her hands and knew so I could connect the leash to her collar. I pushed back down so her ass was up again and slapped it again. To which came her moan again.

"Oh, you like being spanked? Huh? Dirty little fucking whore?" I growled at her. She whimpered and nodded slowly.

I stood up and walked back over to the table and chuckled. I knew what she wanted and she was gonna get it. I grabbed a paddle and walked back over to her. Kneeling down, with paddle in hand, and gently ran it over her ass and she shivered.

"Pac please... No teasing." She begged.

I gripped a handful of her hair and pulled her towards my chest. "Stupid silly little girl. Your mine, I'll tease you if I want to."

"But, if you tease me, your only making yourself suffer more." She whimpered. Although she was right, she still needed to be patient. I released her hair and she fell back to the ground. I began to rub the head of my cock against her clothed pussy. She moaned softly and that wasn't enough for me so I ripped her panties off her body and finally plunged deep inside her. She gasped and moaned loudly, like a siren with her song.

"Do that again, love." I told her.

"Yes master. I will." She said loudly so I could hear her.

"Good girl." I muttered and pulled out then reentered her right pussy. She moaned like a porn star. It was music to my ears. I grabbed the paddle off the floor and smacked the left side of her ass and that made her sing her sweet song once again. I chuckled and made my thrusts an even pace to make us both last longer. I repeated the slap on her ass three more times and all three times brought me close to cumming inside her tight cunt. I tossed the paddle to the floor, unable to control myself, I pulled her up once last time, wrapping the leash around my fist and thrusted into her deeper. I hit her G-spot which caused her to squeal. My pace quickened as did her squealing.

I didn't take long before her and I had cum simultaneously. I held her close to me. I didn't want this to be a one time thing.

"Darling, will you be mine?" I asked her.

"Yes Pac, I will be yours. Forever." She said as she panted heavily. I turned her head towards me and kissed her deeply. Something I wanted to do since I met her all those years ago.

"Pac, I think I like being treated as your pet. I think we should head back to the hotel and continue this little escapade." She suggested. I nodded in agreement and that's what we did. We made our was back to the hotel and because our sex drives were so high, we barely made it to the car before we were at it again. We went all night long before we were both running out of stamina and decided to sleep it off until we woke up the next morning and went at it again.

A/N: I may have gone a bit over board with this one. Oops, sorry not sorry lol!!!

#aew #smut #pac #the bastard

[thebluenebula]

First Xmas Gala

Ashleigh Wayne Au Fic Masterlist

The day of the Gala has come, and Ash couldn't be more nervous, but with her family by her side everything will be fine, right?

Preparing for the Gala

. . . . .

I didn't sleep that night. I got up at five, shower, shaved, and cleaned myself up. I tried to do something with my hair, but there wasn't much I could do, so I ended up leaving it as it was.

As I headed back to my room, I spotted the boys in Dick's room, getting ready. The five of them were wearing similar black suits, each had unique accessory matching the Wayne wearing it. Dick, Duke, and Damien all had ties, blue, yellow, and green respectively, Tim a red bowtie, and Jay a loose floor length skirt.

I stared in aww at my brothers. "You guys look stunning."

Dick looked up at me curiously. "Thank you. Are you wearing that?"

I was still in the clothes I'd worn the day before. "First off, I already look better then you."

Jay snickered. "That's not hard."

"Secondly, no. I'm going to get changed now."

Duke adjusted his tie. "Well hurry."

I headed to my room, stripped and looked into wardrobe. The suit, or the dress? The suit was nice, and I knew I'd be comfortable, I wouldn't stand out, but I had to wear the dress. I wanted to wear the dress.

I examined myself in the mirror. The blue dress hugged my body, not too tightly, but enough. The long skirt hid the sneakers, and tracksuit bottoms I was wearing underneath. I rubbed my bare arm. It felt right, but could I really wear it in front of all those people? In front of Cassie?

Someone knocked on the door. I recognised Harper's knock. "You decent, Ash?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Mind if we come in?"

I unlocked the door for them. Carrie, and Harper walked in. I looked at the girls. Harper was wearing a black suit, with a blue undershirt, while Carrie was wearing her green sun dress

"You look amazing." We all said in unison. It was followed by a burst of giggles.

Carrie leaned against my dresser. "So, are you ready for your first Gala?"

"I guess so."

"You look worried."

"All things considered, the Galas the least of my worries."

"Cassie?"

I turned back to the mirror. "Yes. Do you think she'll like this dress, or should I wear a suit?"

Harper came up behind me, and wrapped her arms around me. "Do you like it?"

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts. You like it, so nothing else matters, plus I know Cassie will love it. You want to know how I know?"

"How?"

"Cause you're in it."

I leaned my head back into her. "Thank you, Harper."

In the mirror, I watched as Carrie pick up my pair of fishnet gloves. "You've been taking fashion tips from Dinah I see."

I took them from her, and pulled them on. "Zee, actually. She's got great style. Would one of you mind taking a picture of me?"

Carrie grabbed my phone. "Not at all. Strike a pose."

I smiled as she took a step back to get a proper shot. As the camera flashed, I felt a sudden weight on my back.

I tried to steady myself as Harper clung to my back. "Photobomb!"

I giggled as we fell onto the bed, knocking her off of me. "Photohog more like it."

When we were done laughing, Carrie took a proper photo, then one of the three of us together. I sent them to Siobhan, then the three of us headed downstairs.

Everyone was gathered in the living room. Bruce was the first to spot us. "Ashleigh, you look stunning."

Kate appeared behind him. "Understatement of the century."

I could feel my face reddening. "Thank you."

The same could be said for them. Bruce was wearing a pitch black suit. In a dim light room, he'd be hard to spot. Maybe that was the point. Kate's outfit was at least bit more colorful. Her black dress had intricate red lines swirling through it.

Carrie coughed, drawing our attention to her, and Harper. "There are other children in the room looking for positive verbal reassurement."

Bruce russeled their hair. "You two are just as stunning as ever."

Carrie fixed her hair in one motion. "Good. Thank you."

Harper was not so lucky. She gave Bruce a sour look as she pushed the loose hair from her face. "Yeah, thanks."

I looked around the room, admiring everyones outfits. I'd seen Bab's dress the day she got it, but it looked even better on her. The green empire dress worked so well for her. As for Steph, and Cass they both wore matching sun dresses. The only difference being the colours, purple, and black respectively, both with splashes of yellow.

We took the obligitory family photos. First, all of us together. Then the adults. Then the kids. Then a couple more in our own little groups.

Steph had taken on the role of 'parent who wants way too many pictures'. She insisted on getting dozens of pictures of everyone. After what felt like a hundred pictures, Steph left me alone, and went to get pictures of Bruce.

Kate took my hand in hers. "You nervous?"

"More then I've ever been."

She gave it a gentle squeeze. "You'll be fine."

"What if I fuck it up?"

"You won't."

"I'm going to do something wrong or forget something- The flowers! What did I do with the flowers?"

"Calm down."

I thought for a minute as to where I left them. "They were in my room. I'll go get them."

I turned to go get them, but Kate grabbed my shoulder. "You stay here, I'll get them."

Kate left, and returned a few minutes later with my flowers. She set them down nearby, and we chatted as we waited.

Since the Supers and the Wonders were also going to the Gala, Bruce had suggested they all carpool with us. It wasn't long before the Supers arrived, much to Tim, and Damien's delight.

Clark wore a lovely tan suit, Lois a very professional looking black suit, she was still very much in reporter mode. Conner, and Jon wore near identical Superman-esc suits. They we're adorable, and clearly Tim agreed, considering how quickly he jumped into Conner's arms. Kara had a lovely yellow bouffant dress, and Karen a green sheath dress. It made her look like a news anchor. Of course a news anchor wouldn't wear a green dress.

Artemis arrived soon after to pick up Jay. She had a beautiful red dress on, that ended just past her knees. I was kind of expecting her show up with the other Wonders. She assured us that the others had just run into some delays and would be here soon.

As the two went to leave, Jay stopped, and turned to me. "Piece of advice, make sure to use pro- oww!"

Artemis smacked the back of his head. "Don't you dare finish that."

"I was joking."

For just a moment I was worried that if I messed this up Artemis would break my arm, then I realized how ridiculous that was. Cassie was more then capable of doing that herself.

The two left on Artemis's motorbike, because leaving in a car or limo would have been far too boring for them.

Bruce leaned into me, and whispered. "You did have 'the talk', right?"

"Yes! What do you people think is going to happen tonight?"

Kate flashed a cheeky smile. "All cards are on the table."

I was spared delving any further into that conversation by the doorbell. Alfred left the room to answer it. It had to be the Wonders. Too late for me to back out now.

Alfred with Diana, Donna, and Cassie. I felt my heart beat faster as I saw them. Diana was wearing a blue bodice gown, Donna a sleevless black sheath dress with stars down both sides, and Cassie was wearing a red spaghetti top, and a blue skirt with stars, it looked like the one from Wonders Woman's old costume.

"Sorry for the delay." Diana apologised. "Someone forgot to check the tank before we left."

Donna sighed. "I said I was sorry."

Cassie hit them. "You two, stop fighting."

Once Cassie managed to stop the two bickering, they split off to socialise. Diana went to Bruce, and Clark, Donna to Dick, and Babs, and Cassie found her way to me.

She had a beaming smile on her face. "You look amazing."

"Thank you. You look beautiful."

She gestured to my gloves. "Got them from Zee?"

"She recommended a store."

I gestured to her skirt. "Diana's?"

"Bingo."

The two of us began chatting. Tim, Cass, and Steph joined us. We giggled amongst ourselves until the time came for us to leave.

Alfred walked over to us. "Miss Ashleigh, Miss Sandsmark, I believe it is time we leave."

Alfred, and Cassie began walking off. I went to follow them, but Steph grabbed my arm, and gestured to the flowers. "Forgetting something."

"Oh yeah." I quickly grabbed them. "Thanks."

Cass kissed my cheek. "Head up, be proud." 

"Thanks."

I caught up with the two. Cassie looked at me. "What held you up?"

"I forgot something." I presented the flowers to her.

She examined them. "They're beautiful. What are they?"

"Flowers."

She punched my arm. "I know that. What kind?"

"Oh. The red ones are amaryllis, the yellow are orchids, and the blue ones are larkspur."

"I've never heard of that last one."

"Neither have I."

"Did you just choose these because of my costume?"

"For the most part."

"Dork. I love them."

We wandered out to the car that Alfred had for us. We sat into the back.

"Flowers, and our own car, not a bad start to a date."

"The seperate car was Dick's idea." I admitted.

"In that case I'm surprised it's not filled with rose petals and candles."

"Oh don't worry, he wanted to."

"He's like a cliche romance novel, in the best ways. What stopped him?"

"Babs had him a short leash. He wanted to arrange a romantic candle lit dinner in the fanciest restraunt in Gotham. I figured that might be too much."

"That's ridiculous but sweet. Someone going to be lucky to have him one day."

"Yeah, they are. Would you have liked that?"

"I'll love whatever we do, as long as we do it together."

"I'll remember that for next time."

She smiled "Already thinking about a next time?"

"No. I mean yeah, but- sorry."

"It's alright, Ash. You don't have to be nervous."

"Says you. I don't think I've ever seen you nervous."

"I'm nervous right now."

"About the date?"

"Yeah."

"You have nothing to worry about, this is going to be the best date I've ever been on."

"How are you so sure?"

"I've never been on a date before."

Cassie laughed. "Doesn't that mean it will also be the worst date you've ever been on?"

"Shush."

The rest of the ride was filled with our typical banter. It felt so natural that I forgot it was a date. I only remembered as we pulled up to the Gala. I stepped out of the car, turned, and offered Cassie a hand out. "M'lady."

She took my hand, and giggled. "You're such an idiot."

We headed into the building. As we walked in, hand in hand, I realized something. I was so worried about the date portion, I forgot to ask what you actually did at a Gala other then dance.

I guess I have to do as I usually do, figure it out along the way, and pretend I knew all along.

The first thing I spotted once we were inside was the huge Christmas tree. It was bigger then any I'd ever seen, and beautifully decorated.

I was quickly whisked away as Cassie pulled me along behind her. Hours passed as we chatted, and joked. It really didn't feel much different then when we normally hung out.

We talked to people, the Bats, the Wonders, others who I'd never met before. When it came to that, it was more Cassie talking, and me hiding behind her. I did notice that Artemis, and Jay were no where to be seen however.

Eventually, we spotted them standing by the food table. Cassie gently dragged me along behind her as we headed over to them.

Closer now I noticed that Artemis had her hand up Jay's skirt. The two were so busy with whatever they we're doing, they didn't hear us approach.

Cassie coughed. Artemis quickly straightened up, her hand accidently pulling Jay's skirt up. He quickly pushed it down. "Hey!"

"Don't blame me. You should have worn trousers under it."

"I like the breeze."

Cassie, and I giggled at the two. "Should we even ask?"

Jay reached into his skirt, and pulled out a resealable bag full of treats. "Stealing."

I looked at him curiously. "Where were you keeping that?"

"I have the inside lined with pockets."

Cassie shook her head while chuckling. "Why are you even stealing that food, it's free?"

Artemis shrugged. "It's more fun."

I nudged Jay. "You can't go one night without some kind of mischief can you?"

"God, no."

Artemis began whispering to Cassie. Jay, and I watched them curiously. The two girls looked to us. "One moment."

They walked away, still whispering. I turned to Jay. "What's going on?"

"I have no idea." He turned back to me. "Anyway, how's the date been?"

"Great."

"And the ride here?"

"It was good, yeah. We chatted."

Jay smirked. "Is that all you did?"

"I'm going to hit you, really fucking hard."

"So is that a yes?"

"This close, Jay."

"You wouldn't hit me."

"Keep pushing, and you'll find out."

Jay was about to respond when music suddenly came on. I watched as people gathered into the center of the room.

He nudged me. "You should go dance with her."

"I might mess up. The last thing I want is to fall over her, or the other way around."

"You've been practicing all week for this. You never once knocked Cass."

"That's Cass."

"Good point."

"If she doesn't bring it up, I think I'll just avoid it."

"Too bad." He grabbed the scruff of my dress, and dragged me towards Cassie.

I tried to pry his hands from my dress. "Jay, I swear to god."

"You are going to dance. Babs, and Cass spent all week teaching you."

"Fine."

We got to Cassie, and Artemis. They looked over at us. Jay kept a hold of the neck of my dress. "Ask."

I turned to Cassie. "Would you like to dance?"

Cassie smirked. "Depends, is Jay going to dance with us."

I elbowed his stomach. He recoiled, and let go of me. "No. He won't."

Artemis laughed as he grabbed her arm to stabilise himself. Cassie, and I headed out to the dance floor. She took my hand. "You know how to slow dance?"

I placed my free hand on her shoulder. "Yeah."

She placed her other hand on my side. "Guess I'm leading."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I can lead if you'd prefer."

"It's alright, Ash."

We moved around the ballroom elegantly to the song. Eventually Cassie closed the gap between us. "You know, Ash. For a someone who seemed like they really didn't want to dance, you're quite good at it."

"I've been practicing."

"With Dick?"

"No. He wanted to show me, but Babs wouldn't let him. She, and Cass showed me."

"That explains it."

The song stopped, and we stepped apart. "What now?"

"Wanna take a walk?"

"Sure."

We soon found ourselves out to the balcony. It was empty. The silence was nice, as was the cool winter breeze. "Tonights been nice, Cassie. Thank you."

She leaned her head onto my shoulder. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"I'm sorry if it wasn't what you wanted."

"I wanted a date with you, Ash. The Gala was just a great excuse for it. Tonight's been everything I wanted."

"Tonight's been a night of firsts for me."

"Oh, yeah?"

"First Gala, first date, first slow dance, even my first time wearing a dress out. It's been an amazing night, Cassie, and I have you to thank for all of it."

"This nights not over yet, Ash."

"Something you had in mind?"

"I was thinking we spend more time out here."

"That'd be nice. Maybe we can do this again. The whole date thing."

"I'd love to. Any suggestions?"

"How about the restaurant Dick was on about?"

"Sounds like a nice place."

"It would be with you there."

Cassie looked at me. "Did you just attempt to flirt?"

"Depends, was it any good?"

She kissed my cheek. "Awful, but you tried."

I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks. I stared out into the darkness. It got dark so quickly during the winter. The Bats, usually, would be out on patrol by now, and I would be home worried sick, but not tonight. Tonight, I knew they were inside, enjoying themselves, safe, and that made me happy. As did Cassie's hand in mine.

Today was a good day.

. . . . .

Writing this fic was so hard for so many reasons. The primary one was just to find the motivation to finish it. I set a deadline for myself of the 10th. It is not but the 10th but close enough. I think this turned out great, hope you enjoy. I also intend to post a Xmas fic soon aswell, so look out for that if you're interested. Though it might not be out by Xmas if I'm not feeling like it.

#oc #batfam #batfamily #fanfic #fanfiction #cassie sandsmark #wonder girl #carrie kelley #batgirl #harper row #bluebird #kate kane #batwoman #batman #bruce wayne #jason todd #red hood #artemis of bana mighdall #artemis grace #cassandra cain #cain #orphan #stephanie brown #spoiler #duke thomas #signal #dick grayson #nightwing #wonder woman #diana prince

[embeanwrites]

Finding Home Gavin Reed x Reader

Chapter 9

Masterlist

I hadn't realized I had fallen asleep, but then I heard my dad calling from the kitchen "You two really stayed out here all night?"

I jerked up, groaning when I felt the crick in my neck from sleeping on the couch.

"Are you alright (Y/N)?" I whipped around.

"Oh Connor! I'm sorry, you should have woken me up. What time is it?" I stood up and stretched, Sumo mimicked me and stretched. He walked over to the front door and whined.

“It’s 8:16 am. I’m going to take Sumo for a walk. Would you like to come, (Y/n)?” Connor stood up and started walking towards Sumo. I blinked a couple times, still trying to force myself to wake up.

“Connor, I think she’s going to need a couple minutes to wake up.” I nodded in agreement and reached for my backpack.

“Sorry, Connor. I’m exhausted. I’m gonna shower and then we can head to the animal shelter, is that okay?”  

“Of course.” Connor clicked on Sumo’s leash and left.

“You can use my soap in the bathroom, there’s some towels in the closet in my room.” My dad was holding his keys and getting ready to leave. “How are you guys getting to the animal shelter? I’m taking my car.”

“We’ll just get a taxi.” He nodded and I made my way to my dad’s room. I heard his car start as he left. Sighing, I opened the closet and grabbed a towel. Before leaving his room, I glanced around. There wasn’t much. My book was sitting on his nightstand. Smiling, I walked over to see how far he got. Flipping through it, his bookmark fell out. I bent down to pick it up, an old piece of paper, halved and soft with age. I opened it and felt my eyes start to burn, obviously a child's drawing that was once colorful but was now faded with age. I couldn't make out what it was supposed to be, and I couldn't remember drawing it but my name spelled out clumsily in purple crayon gave away that it was mine. I couldn't imagine my dad keeping something like this for so long. I folded it up before the tears could fully form and escape my eyes, tucking it back into the book, and placing it back on the table before walking into the bathroom.

After showering and changing into a t-shirt and denim cut offs, I walked back into the living room. Connor was sitting in the kitchen watching Sumo eat his breakfast. He had changed since coming back, he was in another plain shirt and khaki shorts. He looked up at me.

“What do you want for breakfast?” I shrugged and walked over to the fridge. I grabbed an apple and bit into it.

“I’m guessing you bought the fruit. There’s no way dad would.” Connor smiled.

“I’ve been trying to get him to eat better. I’ve had mixed success.” I nodded and jumped up to sit on the kitchen corner. “(Y/n), may I ask you a question?”

“You don’t have to ask if you can ask me questions, Connor. If I don’t want to answer the question, I’ll let you know.” He nodded as I continued munching on the apple.

“You change your syntax when you reference Hank with Officer Chen and Detective Reed, with them you say 'my dad,' but when you reference Hank to me, you just say 'dad.' Why?" I hummed, swallowing the bite of apple in my mouth and pausing for a moment before responding.

“I hadn’t noticed if I’m being honest. Do you want me to just say ‘my dad’ when I’m talking to you?” I looked at Connor, he was staring at his feet intently, his LED was spinning yellow. Without looking up he shook his head no. “Okay, I can keep just saying dad. Connor are you okay?” He finally looked up, eyes wide.

“Yes. I just don’t want to upset you or make you uncomfortable.” I smiled, finishing my apple and throwing the core in the trash.

“Connor it’s okay, don’t worry about it.” I patted him on the shoulder. I hopped off the counter and walked towards the table, where my phone was and picked it up. “Hey, can you call for a taxi?” A notification popped up when I unlocked my phone, Tina had texted me back while I was asleep.

Oh my god! That was so long ago!

I know! I was showing Connor some old pictures last night.

“One will be here in five minutes.” Connor walked over and stood next to me.

I put my phone in my pocket. I figured she was probably sleeping or with Valerie. I felt bad for Tina since she probably had a lot of long nights. I was glad to know that, for the most part, my long nights were in the past. I knew I’d be having more in the future with grading tests and working on my research, but at least now I was paid for my long nights.

“Are you excited?” I asked, looking over at him.

“Yes. I hope Sumo won’t be jealous when we return.” I laughed and Connor smiled.

“He’ll get over it. Let’s go wait for the taxi outside. Do you have a key to lock up the house?” Connor nodded, pulling a keychain out of his pocket.

After a short ride, we arrived at the local shelter, the Michigan Humane Society Pet Adoption. I probably should’ve called ahead to see if they would let us walk some of the dogs, if they didn’t, we could always just pet them under the guise we were looking to adopt.

Walking in, I noticed there were only a few people in the building. There was a woman and little girl looking at some cats, an android receptionist, and another android feeding the dogs. I walked over to the receptionist, a ST300, wearing light blue scrubs and she still had her LED.

“Hi, my name is Dr. (Y/n) (L/n) and this is Connor…Anderson and I was wondering if we could help out for a bit. Maybe take some of the dogs for a walk?” She smiled at both of us and handed each of us an electronic clipboard.

“Please fill these out and show me your IDs.” I nodded getting out my wallet and pulling out my state ID.

“Connor, do you have an ID?” I asked him as I handed her mine.

“I already sent it to her.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” I started filling out the form. It was very general, asking for full name, address, and a statement of consent. I looked up and handed it back to her, Connor had already given it back to her and was staring at the dogs.

“Tereasa over there will introduce you two to a couple of dogs.” She said gesturing over to the android feeding the dogs. “If you need any help, my name is Stacy.”

“Thank you, Stacy.” I said as I followed Connor over to the dogs. Tereasa got up and looked at both of us with a smile.

“Hi! You two got here just in time for Sophie and Rudy’s walk.” She gestured to a timid black lab and a golden retriever mix who was trotting in front of the door to the kennel, huffing impatiently to be let out. She grabbed two leashes and let them both out. She handed me the leash for the black lab and Connor the leash for the golden retriever. “Sophie is the black lab and Rudy is the golden retriever mix.” She reached out and touched Connor’s arm. Her synthetic skin pulling back. “That’s the path we take them on. It’s about half a mile, but feel free to take your time. The dogs love going out.” Connor nodded and gently ruffled the deceptively fluffy caramel colored fur on Rudy’s head.

“Come on, (Y/n).” Connor started walking and Rudy ran ahead of him and yanked on the leash. I smiled as me and Sophie followed them outside. “Rudy has a lot more energy than Sophie.”

“I think she’s just anxious.” She was staying very close to my side. I moved the leash to my other hand and scratch behind her ear. “You’re okay.”

“You should get a dog for your place.” Connor managed to slow Rudy down enough that we were both walking next to each other.

“My apartment is way too small for a dog. Plus, I’m going to start my research interviews soon, so I’ll be out and about a lot.”

“I want my own dog. Hank is worried Sumo would get jealous and annoyed if there was another dog in the house.” I hummed in agreement.

“Sumo is dad’s baby. He takes better care of Sumo than himself.” Connor nodded.

“What will you be researching now that you’re in Detroit?”

“WSU has asked me to research and write a book over the android revolution and an analysis of why it happened when it did. It’s going to be a challenge piecing everything and the timeline together. I haven’t started planning much yet, I’ve been trying to finish my class material first. Eventually I’ll probably interview you and dad, if you’re okay with that.”

“Of course. I know a few other people who may be able to help as well. We spoke to Elijah Kamski during our investigation, he may be interested in the project.” I laughed.

“I know, Eli. He was one of the contacts that reached out to me early on during my research. He’s even edited some of my work. He reached out to me when I was trying to get some of my articles published. We still talk occasionally.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, I was surprised when he reached out to me and asked to help with my research. I figured I would get a cease and desist letter from Cyberlife, not a friendship with the CEO. I felt my phone start buzzing in my back pocket and stopped. “Oh, hang on a second, someone’s calling me.” Connor took Sophie’s leash and I answered my phone, it was dad. “Hey dad, what’s up?”

“I talked to Fowler; we’re having that meeting in an hour. He said if you wanted to come and give advice, you could.”

“Me and Connor are walking some dogs right now, but we’ll head there as soon as we’re done.”

“Tell Connor we’re going to be in the meeting room. He’ll show you where to go.”

“Alright, see you soon.” I hung up the phone. “Fowler said I can come give advice at that meeting today. It’s in an hour, do we have time to finish their walk and get to the precinct?” Connor’s LED started spinning.

“Yes, but we should probably hurry.” I nodded and followed him, feeling bad for ending our time here early and for rushing the dogs who clearly wanted some outside time.

“We can come back on your next day off or do something else.”

“That would be nice.” I grinned at Connor as we continued walking the dogs.

#gavin reed x reader #gavin reed #detroit become human #hank anderson #connor is like a son to hank #connor has major little brother energy #rk800connor #dbh #dogs

[seafoamkazuo]

Does Schrodinger’s Cat have nine lives?

Prologue - Next

Prologue

Pairings: None so far.

How long had it been? She thought to herself as she sat in the back of a dark closet. She had remembered that day it was the one thing she wanted to focus on. It seemed so utterly random, she had not thought she was being followed, being stalked. The one day she decided to close alone it was outside factors that put her here. Her heart leaped as she heard the creaking of a floor board. He had come back, she pushed herself back into the corner and tried to calm her breathing. The footsteps paused as she heard the man chuckle. The creaking of the floorboards did not come closer. She stilled herself listening as the man spoke. “And here we go pretty kitty. I have to get back to work but I promise to have treats for you when I get back.” The man’s voice held a coo to it that was familiar and sickening to her at this point. Was it a nickname? The man had called her flower in the same saccharine tones but the closer she listened it seemed kinder than how he referred to her. “I'm so glad a found you precious before your pretty fur got soaked through.” So, it was a creature after all, unless it was a particularly unfortunate quirk, “You stay here and dry off. I'll be back soon.” And with that final farewell, she heard the creaking of floor boards again and the slamming shut of a door. She let out a breath she had not been aware she holding as she let her head slump forward lightly tapping the door as she tried to calm herself again.

She had to get out of here, she tried thinking about her quirk and how she could use it to escape. However, her mind ran in the same circles. Her quirk was not really one that would help in this situation. She bit at her lip furrowing her brows as if it would help her process her thoughts more readily. “WAIT SCHRODINGER NOT OFF THE -!” She startled slamming her head back as she heard the shout a loud crash covering the noise. She glanced over at the door of the closet eyes wide as she wondered if the man who was keeping her had returned. “Schrodinger.... you could have spit me up while you were on the floor. My head hurts.” And so, does mine, she thought bitterly before calming herself. It was not his voice, but it was unexpected, the voice was light feminine and in one-sided conversation with someone called Schrodinger? Was there a hero by that name?! Was she being saved? “Let's see what we can find for food?” Was her captor being robbed? She almost wanted to laugh as she settled back. If it was a robber and they found her here, they would probably kill her not wanting to get caught.

“Alright Schrodinger, let's look around. Food and then spare change.” Food? Spare change? Those did not seem like regular items to steal for your typical villain. What about the TV or electronics? “Let's look through some drawers. Schrodinger? Schrodinger stay over here. I don't want you getting to far. I don't like the tug.” The tug? Was Schrodinger on a leash? Maybe this had something to do with the kitty thing the man mentioned earlier. Did people walk their cats? Did the man steal this cat and the robber was just trying to get it back? The woman stopped her train of thoughts. She shouldn't really be questioning these things right now. She needed to think about how to escape. However, her thoughts of escape seemed pointless and this was the most interesting thing to happen to her outside of her kidnapping in. She forgot how long it had been. Might as well listen to what seemed to be a child wandering around pilfering belongings from her kidnapper. It would prove to be a bit entertaining. “Hmm... oddly shallow... what do you think? False bottom?” The voice was oddly cheerful but there was something behind it the woman could not quite place. “Definitely false bottom... I hope there aren't secrets...” The woman's heart jumped, “... And it's.... cash... a lot of cash... a definitely suspicious amount of cash to hide in a drawer.” She startled back again as she heard the sound of another large thump, “Nooooooooo... Sorry Schrodinger looks like we aren't getting out of the rain now. Let's see... burner and card?” There was a pause, “Wrong Card... business card? Yes~! I remembered right.”

At that point the woman started to hear humming along with the distinct clicking sound of a phone taking picture, “I'm gonna.... I'm gonna take a stack... we'll be able to eat for weeks... Should I tell him I'm doing that or... Nah he'll see.” She heard another click before the pacing stopped, “Schrodinger? Schrodinger? Come here?” She heard the sound of someone making a clicking noise with their tongue as their footsteps got closer. The woman shrank back against the inside of the closet as the came to a stop. She forced herself to hold her breath. “You're really interested in this closet, huh?” There was a pause and she had to wonder if the person outside was inspecting the door. “... Probably more evidence...” The woman let out a gasp sucking in her breathe again as the door opened.

She looked down and saw a calico cat. Left eye brown, right eye gold. She allowed her gaze to travel up, skinny jeans, a loose grey shirt, nothing but simple except the eyes. Wild catlike eyes left eye gold and right eye brown, they made her look fierce but the expression was wrong. Nervous smile with pointed canine seeming to stutter wordlessly. It was very unexpected and then her hand shot out covering her eyes. “AH!... s-sorry. It's bright! You saw nothing?” It was worded like a question and there was a pause as if she was expecting an answer before she continued, “Ah... right you're gagged.” She felt a gentle patting on her person and she squirmed confused by the action, “Sorry did that hurt... oh right... uh gagged... Ummm...” The girl then moved away unintentionally allowing her drop. She shifted as she watched the teenage girl start pacing back and forth. The rhythmic creaking almost calming instead of starling as it would have been had the door been shut and it was the man doing it instead. The girl was clearly in her own head muttering expletives under her breath as she was typing out a message on a cell phone? Who was she speaking to? Was it the man? She attempted to shift her body again. Her eyes shifted once again to the cat.

The cat padded over to her and sniffed her. It was quite pretty. Its fur was orange, black and white, maybe it was a calico cat. She pondered why the cat was here and why the girl seemed to be speaking with it before her gaze was drawn to the cat's tail. It was long? Or wait no. not long the tip seemed to mist out. Her eyes followed the trail back to the girl who was still muttering over her phone. As she looked up at her the girl turned and seemed to snap two pictures with the camera's distinctive click. She tilted her head, maybe she was gathering evidence. The teenaged girl had mentioned that before she had opened closet. But if she was gathering evidence that meant she was probably a hero. Maybe she was a member of an underground agency. She watched as the girl seemed to tap on the phone a few more time before walking closer. She craned her head up trying to get a closer look at the teenager again before felt hands pulling her up. She looked up at the girl, she was going to be saved, she was going to let her go. Then she felt her shove her backwards back into the closet, “Sorry... I'm not a good person.” She screamed trying to plead but the sound was muffled. Why was she not letting her go? She felt something cool slide down her back before feeling a soft vibration. “I'm sorry I can't be here.” She looked back up at the girl trying to fall forward again. “Someone will save you. It can't be me.... Schrodinger, Jacket!” She then heard swift footfalls and the slamming of a door. The frantic hissing of a cat and then swift apologies drifting out of range.

She slammed her head on the closet door. The cold object seemed to be phone if the intermittent buzzing was anything to go by. Perhaps she had sent a message out before she had run. Tears slide from her eyes in frustration as she continued to try and scream before she eventually gave up. She tried to calm her breathing and focused on what she had last seen. Blonde hair, tearful catlike eyes and a forceful fanged smile that seemed to express how sorry she was. Those last words rang through her head as she sighed, “I'm sorry I'm not a good person.” No, maybe not, but they had the makings of one.

---

Shouta Aizawa was tired. It had been a long day and the time for U.A’s entrance exams was swiftly drawing near. Meaning he would have to start preparations for a whole new class of problem children and potential expulsions. He was honestly unsure why he, Eraserhead, was being called to the scene of a crime that had not even necessitated Hero presence in the first place. Apparently, the villain was off site and being apprehended there. He let out a heavy sigh and made his way up to the apartment that was currently. He took a cursory glance at the scene. A woman wrapped in a blanket seemed to be speaking with a couple of paramedics. From what he could see there was bruising around her arms and an ice pack on her head. She seemed a bit shaken but from the brief information he’d gathered before making his way over it was all to be expected in the situation. Apparently, she’d been in a closet for weeks now and she had not realized how long it had been. Her work had filed just today, that she had not been in for awhile that morning after failing to contact her. Some of her co-workers had been concerned citing that she did not have anyone living with her at the time. Aizawa frowned, normally it would be pretty hard to find someone if they had been missing for over 24 hours, he guessed she had been lucky. “Ah. Eraserhead.” Aizawa looked up as he was approached by a familiar detective though he was kind of surprised to see him in Mustafu normally he operated outside of Saitama and not really this close to Tokyo. “Sorry to call you in, what with it being exam season and all.” The man gave a nervous chuckle before looking at the room again. He wore a concerned look, Aizawa nodded at him for him to continue. “Anyway, I guess I should tell you why I’m here,” He seemed to shrink back a bit at Aizawa’s glowering, “Well, this whole situation might be another instance of Unknown Caller.”

“Unknown Caller… That’s the informant that sneaks into places and takes photos on burner phones…” Aizawa frowned furrowing his brow a bit, “… Something about them potentially being young given how they dictate information.”

“Yeah well the potential is sadly now a definite.” The detective stated as he pointed over to the victim, “The woman over there got a clear look at Unknown Caller’s face. We’ve also confirmed that they have a quirk of some kind though the details on it are kind of sketchy.”

“How young?”

“… She said around middle school age, though that could mean around the age of your first-year students. She -” Aizawa could only sigh at that going into his own thoughts as the man rattled off more facts about the situation. This was just great some unknown teenage vigilante was probably running around trying to be hero. They were an untrained problem child and that could only spell trouble for them. The kid was probably going to get themselves killed. “Might have to call them ‘Cat Burglar now though…” Aizawa paused at that comment, “What?”

“Oh, the girls quirk from what we gathered it’s a cat and they seem to have stolen money or have a penchant for doing so…” Aizawa just stared at the man, “Did you not hear me? It doesn’t seem like they go around intending to do good based upon the witness’s statement,” The man continued on, “According to her it was just a place to eat, get money and stay out of the rain. Which means that the other cases might be similar?” The detective frowned and let out a sigh, “Which means that the kid might be unknowingly stumbling into these situations? Which would actually make sense of why some of the cases were brought up against average people?” “Wait… When did you first get evidence from Unknown Caller?” Aizawa asked the detective only to have the man look up at him with a look of confusion. The man took a moment to think before he suddenly went a bit pale. “About… two or three years ago… which means…”

“She’d have to been around 10 or 11 when this all started.”

“Some of those cases though….” The man sort of trailed off recalling some evidence that was pretty gruesome to see at the time.

“And a kid saw that…” Aizawa muttered under his breath, “Anyways you called me here for a reason.” “Ah right.” The man looked nervous before, “I was wondering if you could keep an eye out for her. If she is in the area now somehow, I doubt she’ll be able to get back to Saitama.” The man frowned, “I’m honestly not expecting much I know your busy with teaching on top of hero work but maybe keep an eye out.” The man seemed to write down some details on a piece of paper before continuing to speak. “We’re probably going to run her characteristics through the database and see if she’s been involved in any other incidents. We’re also going to look into seeing if we can get access to some security footage to see if we can get an actual image on her. However, I don’t think we’re going to end up releasing this information.”

“You think if she knows she’s being looked for, she’ll disappear.”

“The victim mentioned that our Cat Burglar seemed guilt-stricken. Like she was used to doing what she did. Apparently apologized for being and I quote, ‘Not a good person.’ Who even says those things nowadays?”

“I’ll look into it. I can’t promise any results. Send me the images if you get them.” Aizawa took the piece of paper from the detective who was now looking a bit grateful.

“Thank you again for stopping by.” Aizawa nodded at the man before walking away looking at the paper going over the details. The Unknown Caller. A Cat Burglar. Another problem child he had not met yet. What a long day.

#bnha oc #fanfiction #Well this was fun to write at least

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Fri 1 Feb

Happy 25th Birthday Harry!!!

For anyone who enjoys a picture of Harry Styles and come on, what's not to love, today was a Very Big Day. First, Helene Pabrum posted a pic that will be a classic for the ages, mark my words. Some people found it annoying in that it was clearly meant to be released (going by the inclusion of the Rob Sheffield book) but most were just glad it was released with its glistening hitties and beautiful lighting, swooning all around. Harry's cousin posted a throwback pic with Stan in it, Waseem posted a pic of Harry glaring intently at a pool game, Sarah Jones gave us Harry cuddling with her and Mitch, and when we were all half dead already Alister Mackie allowed himself to be bribed by the promise of a corn chip from a fan and tipped us over the edge with approximately 100 outtakes from the Another Man photo sessions, including our boy in that flowery field in a straight up dog leash that hadn't been visible in the published pics. Another Man mag made the Harry issue available to read free online until Mon. Pics were posted of Harry with Camille Rowe from 2017; he's wearing a shirt with a huge ass pride rainbow on it, lol.

Naturally there were lots of pictures from Japan as well. The video from Mt Fuji was from Jan 1 and the outfit in it suggests that many of the pics we've seen were from that day. There were various random ones, and Kunichi Nomura (who, evidence suggests, has some tie to Jeff/ HSHQ) posted yet another pic with Harry in the background. His blurry lil self is wearing braces and a hat shaped like a birthday cake! It was posted 5 am Tokyo time which was convenient for maximum exposure to European and American fans and it could have been taken at any time at all.

In completely unrelated news, Louis, previously MIA for weeks, was suddenly Placed in L.A. by a video from Jordan Green and a change to his ig location. He was playing footie with the lads! In a beanie! It would be the best two seconds of most days no contest, but stiff competition today so I'm gonna call it a draw for this reporter. Not only that, there is reason to believe music stuff is happening! Jordan posted from Village Studies, a famous studio where, among many other things, part of HS1 was recorded. Jordan's pic had something in it that isn't usually there though, a PIANO! God help us all if they're recording Louis playing that piano. We're unlikely to find out anytime soon though- Sony documents show that LT1 will not be released this quarter (a period ending in April). Disappointing news indeed and many are taking it hard, but the single could still come out at any time.

Eleanor posted some pics of Clifford and Bruce, I guess to establish that she dogsits for Louis while he's out of town? Seems like that could bite them in the butt pretty hard next time they want to use her posting dog pics to suggest that he's with her but sure okay. I mean, I don't even necessarily believe SHE'S with the dogs but Clifford looks great and that's the important thing.

Niall is promoting the RTE orchestra Flicker with a video of So Long, because he heard the fans saying they wanted a recording of the song he was playing on tour and ponied up when would your fave ever*coughHARRY* (JK love you hbd Harry babe!) But anyway thank you Niall Horan, Man of the People! He also tweeted a happy birthday to Harry and chatted more with Derry Girls actress Nicola Coughlan who said he was a "model customer" when she waited on him. No no, he's a MODEL! If you ever need help remembering Nicola, just think "shake like ...vibrato... a _____ , or some kind of bottle..."

Meanwhile rumors flew about Liam! It was suggested that his constant companion of the last few months, Edward Enninful, was less than constant to his long term partner, Alec. An anon suggested that Edward and Liam appearing alone at recent events could be connected to said partner unfollowing Liam on social media. Shocking if true! While Edward's post showing his and Liam's pictures snugged up close beside one another in a wedding-like place setting was, indeed, interesting, it seems that his partner never did follow Liam so we have no reason to suspect untoward behavior. This is good news but I had gotten so excited to talk to you all about a ship name for the pair! I mean come on Payneful was just RIGHT THERE!!! Oh well.

.

EDIT: oh crap! It was such a busy day that I literally forgot to say that the face girl's tattoo was fake! Well big surprise there, yawn. I find cheap stunty promo annoying enough when the boys do it and worse when someone else just decides to use them for it, no thanks. Next please, BYE

#Harry styles #Harry #Louis Tomlinson #Louis #Niall #Niall Horan #Liam #Liam Payne #Camille #rob Sheffield #helene pambrum #hitties #jordan green #beanie Louis #footie Louis #recording Louis #piano Louis #Derry girls #model Niall #edward enninful #stunts #Eleanor #LT1 #Jeff Azoff #kunichi nomura #Clifford #Bruce the stunt dog #Payneful #kelsy karter #1 Feb 19

[candidcanine]

Chances and Cherry Blossoms

My lone entry for 2doc week, for Day 6- Birthday (and for Day 5- Vacation, I’m too lazy to create separate entries so I fused them, shhhhh). Happy birthday to Murdoc, my favorite pickle man!

Fic Summary:

Murdoc gets lost in Kyoto with 2D. It isn’t the worst birthday he’s ever had, but it’s certainly shaping up to be his most interesting.

Not gonna lie, this is just a poor excuse to write tooth-rotting fluff about these two going on a (not so) romantic date in Japan. Sue me.

“Alright, so if we take a left turn at this corner, we should see a bus stop. Then we hafta board the bus going… clockwise, which is the number 34 one. It’ll take us to a street which should be a twelve minute walk away from the temple entrance… Maybe.”

“Maybe?” Murdoc echoes, crossing his arms as he watches 2D wrestle with an extremely rumpled map. “You’re not sure? Can you at least check the map on your mobile instead of using that rubbish? It’s the 21st century, Stuart, ever heard of GPS?”

“I’m saving the battery, I forgot to charge it yesterday. It’s for emergency calls.”

“Call Noodle.”

“No.”

“Then for the love of all things unholy, please tell me we’re going the right way.”

“It’s hard navigating in a foreign country,” 2D says defensively, his eyes firmly glued on the map. His strides lengthen as they near their supposed destination. If Murdoc wasn’t so exhausted, he would’ve found 2D’s misplaced determination to be downright hilarious. “We’re not lost, I promise.”

“Really? Because you keep saying that, and I end up getting disappointed every time,” Murdoc pants, struggling to match the other’s strides. Eventually he gives up and leans against a telephone pole, trying to soothe the burn in his aching muscles and lungs. He watches in amusement as 2D’s lithe form speeds away without him.

“Slow down, Stu, not everyone has the same freakishly long legs as you. I feel like I’m taking two steps for each one of yours.” 2D looks up when he hears Murdoc’s complaint, jogging back with an apologetic grin when he sees Murdoc had stopped walking. They continue at a slower pace.

“Sorry, I just got a little excited. I think I found the street, we just need to go left and we’ll be at… the bus stop…”

When they round the corner, they find no buses nor bus stops. Instead of seeing a busy street filled with hordes of people, they were greeted with a dead end road lined with small houses, shops, and convenience stores. There were barely any signs of life, save for a stray kitten splashing around in a rain puddle and a group of kids chatting and playing video games. One of them looks up and stares at Murdoc and 2D, unsure of why foreigners were in their little neighborhood.

“Erm…”

“…Well? Where’s it at?”

“It’s supposed to be right here.” 2D scratches his head in confusion. He consults his map and points out a clearly-labelled bus stop for Murdoc. “Maybe we’re at the wrong place? What street is this? Muds, can you check if there’s a sign—”

“There is one. But I can’t read it,” Murdoc says flatly, jerking his thumb at the unreadable characters on the sign. “It’s in Japanese. Y'know, because we’re in Japan?”

“What? They always have English signs ‘round the touristy places—”

“D'you see any tourists around?”

2D huffs, clearly displeased with how unhelpful he was being. He stalks away from Murdoc, his gaze flitting around as if he’d see a hint in the area that pointed to the right direction if he looked hard enough. When he approaches the children, the whole group dispersed like a flock of pigeons encountering a cat. Murdoc bites back a laugh when 2D returns with the most petulant look etched on his face.

“Those kids are so mean, I just wanted to ask for directions. Maybe they got scared off by my looks?”

“Stu, the chances of them even speaking a lick of English are next to nil. Of course they can't— or won't— help. Just admit it, you can’t read directions to save your life. Give me the map so we actually have a chance to get to wherever the hell it is we’re going.”

“No!” 2D clutches the map to his chest like a lifeline. “I can read a map, just give me some time—”

“We’ve already wasted hours of my precious time today because of you. I have to draw the line somewhere, 2D. I don’t appreciate being led around blindly like a dog on a leash. Let me take a look at it.”

“I told you, I want our itinerary to be a surprise. It’s more fun that way—”

“Oh, some fun we’re having, right? Spending over an hour in a cramped train from Osaka to Kyoto instead of taking a bloody cab, taking the wrong trains and buses and having to double back when we miss our stops, eating watery ramen at a dodgy noodle shop 'cause we couldn’t find somewhere better to eat…”

“At least we got to Araishiyama, and we got to see that bamboo grove,” 2D protests weakly. “It was pretty.”

“It’s pretty, I’d give you that. But there’s only so much you can do at a sodding bamboo grove, Stuart. We spent all of five minutes in that forest before you got bored and told me you wanted to leave.”

“Well, I thought you were bored, so I wanted to move on to somethin’ more interesting…”

“…Where did you even get the idea to go all the way to Kyoto without Noodle? Hasn’t it occurred to you what a terrible idea this was?”

“Well, err—”

“We’ve never been to Kyoto before,” Murdoc continues. “So how the everliving fuck did you expect to get around with your sense of direction? It would’ve been better if we went sightseeing with her. Maybe you should’ve scrapped this whole trip altogether. Think about it. We could be back in Osaka with Noodle, roaming Dotonbori and having a pint or two, or eating grilled crab legs—”

“I’m a vegetarian—”

“But no, we had to go at it alone, and spend the better half of a day running around Kyoto like headless chickens. I think I’ve seen enough of Japan’s railways and bus stations to last an entire lifetime.”

2D’s face falls with every word that came out of Murdoc’s mouth.“I’m– I’m sorry, Murdoc, I really am. I think I was too focused on givin’ you the best birthday to think about specifics. Maybe… maybe we should’ve just stayed in Osaka with Noodle. You’re right, let’s head back.”

2D’s voice quivered as he spoke. By the time Murdoc had realized his mistake, it was too late. 2D silently walks back the way they came from, looking almost like a chastised puppy.

Don’t be a grade A twat. You’ve changed, remember? he tells himself, following after 2D. He winds an arm around the other’s waist and pulls him close in an attempt to mitigate the damage he had done.

“Wait, Stu, I didn’t mean it like that. I know you worked hard on this day trip, and I appreciate it, I really do. It’s just… you didn’t really have to go through all that effort for my birthday, y'know? There’s loads of things to do in Osaka.”

“I know, I know, 2D says, but the look of dejection on his face doesn’t disappear. "I guess… I just wanted to impress you, just a tiny bit. I wanted to give you a better birthday than last year.”

“What d'you mean?” Murdoc asks, confused. “I spent my last birthday in sodding prison. The bar isn’t set that high. We could’ve spent this entire day watching paint dry and it’ll still be better than the hell I went through last year.”

2D winces at Murdoc’s blunt honesty. “I mean, I wanted to make up for last year. I know I didn’t even greet you on your birthday—”

“No cards, or letters, or anything, while you an’ the rest were off having the time of your lives without me—” Murdoc adds unhelpfully. He couldn’t help it, he still felt a bit betrayed.

“I’m sorry, Muds, I was still really angry at you then. I won’t ever ignore you like that again,” he assures. “It’s the whole reason why I wanted to make up for it. I mean, I practically jumped at the chance when Noodle told me she wanted to go back to Japan to visit a friend. We haven’t been outside Tokyo yet, and we haven’t had a vacation in ages. It seemed like the perfect way to spend a birthday.

"But I didn’t like the idea of spending all our time with other people. I wanted us to have some… alone time.” 2D’s face flames. “So I started planning a little side trip, just for us.”

“Wait… are you saying this trip was all just some elaborate ploy to get me away from Noodle and her friend?” Murdoc wonders aloud, smirking at 2D. “Wanted me all to yourself, didn’t you?”

“Maybe,” 2D confirms with a bashful smile. “It’s been a while since it was just the two of us out in public. I wanted to spend the whole day with you. I planned it down to the second, but it didn’t really pan out, did it?”

“No, it didn’t,” Murdoc chuckles. “Well, you didn’t have to get us stranded in a foreign country if you wanted to spend a day with me. I’m sure if you asked Noodle, she would’ve let us explore Osaka by ourselves. No need to go all the way to Kyoto.” 2D makes a noise at the back of his throat, turning his head away and mumbling an inaudible reply to Murdoc.

“What?”

2D repeats it reluctantly. “I said, I wanted to go to Kyoto… because I read somewhere that the scenery here was better. They have prettier gardens and pavilions and temples here, and rows of cherry blossom trees too, it’s beautiful…” his voice trails off when he sees Murdoc’s grin.

After a beat of silence, Murdoc erupts into fits of laughter. “Oh, you sap. You romantic. You cheesy—I see what this is. Pffft— Let me guess what you wanted to do. Did you want to hold hands while exploring the temples like newlyweds? Frolic in the pavilion gardens and smell all the flowers? Take each other’s pictures while we kiss under a cherry blossom tree?” Murdoc guffaws when 2D’s face turns red again.

“Did you want to ride one of those two-seater carriages we saw back in that bamboo grove?”

“Muds,” 2D says, hiding his face behind his hand.

“How about hanging one of those charms in a shrine? You know, one for luck, good health, love—”

“Muds.”

“Or maybe pick sakura petals out of each other’s hair, like we’re in one of those goddamn cartoons. What’s it called again? An anime? But it’s not even the right season for—”

“MUDS!”

Murdoc laughs and pulls him in a tight embrace, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Sorry, I’m just playing with you, D. I didn’t know you’d be so sentimental.”

2D frowns. “Stop making fun of me. I know it’s cheesy, but I just wanted the both of us to have a good time, alright? Those were all on the lists of couple-y things to do in Kyoto when I searched it up.”

Murdoc snorts, deciding not to comment when 2D shoots him a glare. “Didn’t say I didn’t like it, bluebird. I just never expected it from you. Sure I’d love to do all those things with you.”

“Yeah, I would’ve, too,” 2D says bitterly, growing more and more despondent. “But then I got screwed over by Japanese public transport, and now it’s like past five in the afternoon and we haven’t done anything. This is probably your worst— err, second worst— birthday ever.”

2D falls silent again, his eyes downcast. Murdoc sighs when the silence stretches on for far too long.

“Stuart, look at me.”

When 2D meets his gaze with inquisitive eyes, Murdoc takes the chance to press his lips against the other in a kiss so tender and feather-light that they both barely feel it at first.

It held no heat, was a spur-of-the-moment decision by Murdoc, and was over as quickly as it had begun, but it seemed to do the trick in comforting 2D. The other man, who had frozen when Murdoc had kissed him, soon melts like putty. When they finally draw away from each other, 2D blinks at him dazedly as if he was still under a spell.

“Bluebird, any day I get to spend with you is great. Whatever I’m doing on my birthday— whether it’s staying at home, getting plastered at a bar, or yes, getting lost in Kyoto for hours on end, it’s better with you there. No, it’s bloody fantastic. So it's not the worst birthday I’ve had, not by a long shot. In fact, today might just be in my top five.”

2D’s lips quirk into a smile. “Top five?”

“Okay, might just be exaggerating a lil’ bit. Top ten for sure. And besides—” Murdoc hooks an arm around 2D’s waist again and leans against the other man. “—It’s nice to get away from the tourist traps sometimes, don’t you think? It’s quiet here.”

“Yeah, it is.” 2D smiles more fully, his arm slinking around Murdoc to rest at the small of his back. “So… I guess we don’t need to follow the rest of the itinerary then? Since you’d rather be in our hotel room in Osaka and we’ve spent enough time in Kyoto? D'you want to go back?”

“Thought you’d never ask. Yes, I want to go back. If we hurry, we might be able to catch up with Noodle.”

They continue walking in amicable silence, taking in the unfamiliar scenery that they hadn’t been able to enjoy in their mad dash to the bus stop. The train station that they had left behind creeps into view, the hustle and bustle of tourists and locals alike growing louder. When they reach the steps of the station, 2D suddenly pauses as if he remembered something.

“Just one problem,” 2D says after a moment.

“What is it?”

“Well, I don’t really have any way of getting home from this stop. Err—I didn’t think we’d quit halfway through our trip, so I don’t know if there’s a shortcut from here.” 2D looks at him with a sheepish grin. “Should we just double back again?”

“Oh, for chrissake. Would you just swallow your pride for once and fucking call Noodle already?”

2D only nods in embarrassment, fishing out his phone and scrolling through his contact list.

It would be ten minutes before Noodle picks up, twenty five minutes before 2D and Murdoc figure out Noodle’s instructions, a full hour and a half (and several attempts) before they get it right and board the train to Osaka, and three hours before they finally arrive at the correct station and walk back to their hotel.

By the time they reach their room, Murdoc’s too exhausted to do much else other than drink all the beer in their minifridge and snog an equally drunk 2D, passing out cold on top of him after a long day of accomplishing next to nothing.

It was a happy birthday, indeed.

#2doc #2docweek #2docweek2019 #studoc #niccalpot #are these the right tags? #why does everyone seem to be using different ones? #it's technically june 7 here but hush it's june 6 somewhere else #Happyyyyy birthday Murdoc!! #my writing

[find-the-eyes]

I’ll Try Anything Once: Chapter 24

Written by: ss Edited by: Allegra

That morning, Bob found Paul had already left the flat, which was relieving since he hadn’t calmed down ever since last night. Sleep only came to him after hours of tossing and turning, and even then he still woke up with sweat pooling and heart racing. Not even his presentation in class today made him as nervous as his upcoming date.

Bob had never been one for public speaking, and presentation assignments never failed to make him tremble in his seat. His fidgety demeanor did not go unnoticed by his friend sitting beside him.

“Bob, are you alright? Presentation getting on your nerves again?” Alex asked.

“No...” Bob shook his head for a bit before correcting himself. “...I mean yeah.”

Alex furrowed his brows at this. “Okay...are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Bob tried to reassure Alex. He didn’t want to make a big fuss, especially since apparently Alex had noticed that he wasn’t his collected self today. He had his first ever proper date to worry about; he didn’t need Alex giving him any extra attention. Not when it should be Paul that he was supposed to think about. Sometime during his tossing and turning the night before, Bob had come to the conclusion that maybe he really should bury his feelings for Alex. It was more than apparent now that he and Alex would never become a thing, not with Nick in the picture, but he would still appreciate having Alex as a friend. “Hey, Alex, are you free this afternoon?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I was wondering if I could drop Alvy at your place for the evening...?”

This seemed to pique Alex’s interest. He tilted his head in question. “Of course. But why?”

It took Bob a short moment before he could answer. He looked down at his clasped fingers. He was a bit embarrassed, yet he figured if he said his worries out loud it would help him overcome his anxiety. “I’m going out with Paul for the evening and apparently we can’t really bring Alvy with us.”

“Oh?” Alex had turned his upper body Bob’s way now. “Where are you going?”

“The Kelvingrove museum... I don’t think they’ll allow Alvy in though so if it’s okay, I’ll drop Alvy off at your place after class...” Bob bit his lip.

“Sure,” Alex shrugged, expression unreadable. If he thought anything about it, Bob couldn’t tell. But it was good enough for Bob and he could worry less now that he knew he was leaving Alvy in good hands. “I think Nick and Steckrübe would appreciate the extra company.” Bob pretended not to get too bothered by Alex mentioning Nick. He had other things on his mind.

Bob’s presentation went almost flawlessly, much to his surprise. As the class grew nearer to its end, Bob couldn’t even be bothered listening to everyone else’s presentations for the day. He always made an effort to listen to his peers, especially regarding academic affairs, but even talk about Bauhaus couldn’t distract him from thoughts about a certain dark haired man. When class was finally dismissed, Bob quickly said his goodbyes to Alex before they parted ways.

Bob hoped for a bit of time alone at his flat before the date to prepare himself. Maybe change his navy blue tee to a more prim button-down. But the way his key wouldn’t budge meant a key was currently dangling on the other side of the door, which meant Paul was already home. Shit. To Bob’s surprise, the door swung open before he could knock. Paul stood on the other side, all toothy smile with Alvy on a leash beside him. Bob noted the way Paul’s hair was combed tidier and the faint whiff of floral detergent from his crisp shirt.

“You’re all ready,” Bob unconsciously spoke his mind out loud.

“Yup!” Paul said. Hearing—and seeing—how enthusiastic Paul was for their date made the butterflies in Bob’s stomach flutter differently. He noticed the way Paul tried to busy his hands, moving Alvy’s leash to his right hand, a sweep to his already neat bangs, moving the leash back to the left, and then finally settling on putting a hand in his pocket instead. He’s nervous, too. Bob gave a small smile, suddenly feeling better.

“Give me five to change and then we can head over to Alex’s.” The eager nod Paul gave him almost made Bob laugh. After a quick switch to his best shirt and a glance at the mirror to make sure his hair was the right amount of casual messy, Bob was finally ready to head out.

When they reached the familiar front door of Alex and Nick’s joint flat, Bob gave a knock. The door creaked open and a nervous pair of eyes peered out. It was Nick. Bob tilted his head slightly so he could make his face seen by the shy man. He doubt Nick could see anything clearly through a crack that narrow.

“Hey, Nick. Alvy’s here.” The mention of Alvy’s name made Nick’s eyes light up. Still silent as ever, he opened the door to invite them all in. Bob heard the shuffle of footsteps from somewhere inside the spacious flat and soon Alex joined them. “As promised,” Bob passed Alex Alvy’s leash, “Alvy and Steckrübe’s second playdate.”

Nick appreciated the comment and gave a small laugh. After giving Alvy a kiss on his head, both as a goodbye and a good luck charm, Bob and Paul made their way down the stairs of the building. Their steps fell into stride as they headed to their destination.

“So, what were you up to today?” Bob asked, breaking their comfortable silence.

“Helped this lady get her lawn cleaned up,” Paul shrugged. “The pay wasn’t that good but she gave me—Ah, shit!”

Bob was taken aback by Paul’s sudden outburst. Paul had stopped, his face scrunched in annoyance. He quickly gathered himself and looked at Bob the way Alvy looked at Bob when he got caught knocking over the house plant again.

“She gave me some pie. I saved it for the occasion but...guess who forgot it back at the flat...” Paul tried his hardest not to look too gloomy, forcing an awkward grin at Bob.

After spending the entire day feeling on edge and trying his hardest to keep his cool, Bob couldn’t help but laugh. At first a grin, and then it turned into a giggle or two, and he ended up trying to hide his laughter from everyone at the bus stop. Paul’s thick brows were scrunched in confusion. Bob finally regained his composure when he noticed Paul pursing his lips and was looking down at his shoes.

“It’s okay Paul, really...” Bob tilted his head so he could see Paul, who was looking downcast. “I think it was really nice of you to save it for the occasion.”

Paul had stopped bending his head down, but he was still biting the insides of his mouth. “Yeah, but silly stupid me had left it back at our flat.”

“I wasn’t laughing at you...” Paul’s raised eyebrows indicated he didn’t believe Bob’s words, but Bob quickly interjected. “Okay, well, I was, sort of. But it was just...I was just really nervous all day for this so it all just...” he waved his hands, gesturing an outburst.

That managed to tug the corners of Paul’s mouth into a smile once more. “Feels good to know I’m a man worth getting all worked up for.”

Bob rolled his eyes and gave Paul a playful nudge. He silently thanked a higher power for the timing of the bus rolling up to the stop, because he didn’t know how long he could keep up the buddy-buddy charade with Paul the moment he’d said those words. The short bus trip to their destination offered Bob a bit of space to clear his head. He’d thought that once he arrived he would become a nervous wreck again, but he found out that the museum’s inviting presence felt like home, even if Alvy wasn’t with him this time.

As they stepped inside, Bob marvelled at the high ceiling and the displays the museum had to offer. He even almost forgave Kelvingrove for not allowing dogs in, though he still wished for the comforting grip of Alvy’s leash in his hand. He directed his mind and gaze to the hanging displays above them. He had always loved the arts, especially the visual arts. He had spent a lot of his past downtime in London wandering the silent halls of art museums, or turning the corners of an exhibition. Art had always been his place of comfort, and now to spend it with a person he would consider a good friend suddenly made the experience much more riveting.

“Oh, I like that one!” Paul pointed at a particular painting down the hallway. It was a contemporary piece, a painting of wavy lines gradually getting fainter by color. Bob had to agree, it was an aesthetically pleasing one to look at.

“Do you like the more contemporary stuff, Paul?”

Paul hummed before shrugging. “Eh, not really. I mean, I don’t really think about those kind of things. Each piece has its own special feeling and I’m just trying to enjoy it without much fuss...see, like this one here...” He made his way to another painting on the same wall and gestured at a collage piece. The rather abstract drawing was sketchy, the dark thin lines a contrast to the plain white background. “This is also great! It definitely evokes a more...” Paul tried to look for words, his hands moving as if trying to pull the words out of his mind, “a darker tone than the one before. Even though it’s a pretty brightly colored piece.”

Bob didn’t have any comment he’d like to interject. So he only nodded, taking into account how Paul viewed art. Paul went on again, commenting on the pieces they walked past. Once in a while pausing to give Bob room to comment, if he had any. But Bob was too engrossed at just watching how passionate Paul was at talking about art. He was starting to think that maybe the university was blind for turning down someone like Paul. They were inside the museum, surrounded by all these pieces, and yet to Bob the most enthralling thing he couldn’t take his eyes off of was Paul. Paul walking beside him, deep in his own thoughts and openly sharing them with Bob, the art pieces just a blur of color and shapes in the background that further complemented Paul’s boyish profile.

As they trudged their way to one of the corridors, Paul noticed Bob’s prolonged silence. He turned his head to see if Bob was listening, but he found Bob quickly looking away, the tips of his ears red. Paul was about to ask if Bob was still with him or not when Bob stopped in his tracks. His gaze was still away from Paul, but this time it was more focused at an object just a few feet away from them.

“Come here,” Bob walked his way to a plaster statue of a boy and a girl, their limbs intertwined. “This is Paul and Virginia.”

“Ah!” Paul replied in an amused tone. He noticed the change in Bob’s demeanor, the way he stood straighter and his entire face lit up. It was akin to when Bob was talking about art back in their flat just a few days ago, so Paul put on his best scholar attitude and he was all ears.

“This statue was based off Paul et Virginie, a French novel from the 18th century. This piece depicts Paul trying to carry his friend Virginia across the river.”

“Aww,” Paul cooed. “That’s very sweet of that Paul.”

“I’m sure you’re also sweet,” Bob said, only loud enough for Paul to catch a glimpse of it.

“Sorry?” Paul leaned closer to Bob, trying to catch what Bob was muttering under his breath. He swore he’d heard Bob utter his name. Bob himself only half regretted saying the words out loud. He would have liked to stay silent as usual, but he knew he had to be more engaging on his first ever date. He was at a museum with Paul, surrounded by art and with no one to judge them. There wasn’t a more perfect time for Bob to make a move, no matter how small.

“I-I think you’re also...sweet...” Bob’s voice faltered, but he braved himself to glance at Paul before shifting his gaze away again.

“Mate, you’re giving me too much credit!” To Bob’s surprise, Paul looked just as embarrassed as Bob. Bob didn’t know how nice it felt to make someone else fluster under his words, when it was always the other way around. He used this tiny boost of confidence to speak up again.

“I really think you’re a sweet man, Paul! You’ve been a really good friend to me.” And I would very much like for us to be more than friends, Bob almost said. He’d have to save that for a more appropriate time.

“You’re a really important person to me too, Bob. I really don’t know where I’d be without you.” Paul’s words had successfully made Bob’s heart flutter. The butterflies had never really left his stomach to begin with, and now there was an entire garden inside of him and Paul was the person nurturing it. He wished he could hug Paul, or hold his hand, or anything. His entire body itched from the lack of contact he desperately wanted. So they both just stood there smiling at each other, Bob awkwardly hesitating on initiating anything and Paul slightly flushed from the mushy confession.

They decided to keep walking in silence instead, Bob quietly absorbing the art and history artifacts around him with newfound rose-tinted interest. Paul had fallen into step as well, calmly enjoying the art while dropping short comments once in a while. Their comfortable silence was broken when they reached a certain part of the museum.

“Here you go, Bob. Here’s our Greece!” Paul opened his arms, as if presenting Bob with the Greek artifacts on display. They had reached the ancient history aisle. Bob had to laugh at Paul’s cheeky comment, even if it reminded him of Alex. The museum didn’t have that extensive of a collection, but what they had to offer was representative enough of what ancient Greek civilization was like. There were functional tools like household objects and war attire, but there were also objects that served more aesthetic purposes like sculptures. As they looked around, Paul seem to notice a certain pattern with the objects presented to them.

“Why are all the men naked?” Bob did a double take at Paul’s question before realizing that what he meant was the sculptures and paintings on the artifacts. He was pointing at a particular jar-like object. There were engravings of figures that were indeed in various states of unclothed. Bob racked his brain for an answer - he swore they had touched upon the subject of ancient Greece in his art history class. Then he remembered that during that particular lesson he had been too engrossed in staring at Alex to really pay attention to the lecture. Bob’s small frown deepened. Alex was barging on his thoughts once more, and in a way barging on his date with Paul.

Bob was silent for a while, deep in thought, trying to push Alex away from his mind while trying to emit an answer to Paul’s questions. He felt a warm hand press on his shoulder. Paul was giving Bob a pat on his shoulder, a small gesture that was firm in its touch yet gentle in its notion.  

“It’s okay, take your time.”

“Oh! Sorry Paul. I just...I can’t really remember the exact reason why. I think it had something to do with their ideologies...”

Paul let out a small laugh. “Well, when you’re ready you know I’ll be here.”

Even if Paul hadn’t intended it to come out vaguely, Bob still flushed. Once again Bob left Paul’s words hanging, but if Paul took any offense to it, he didn’t show it. Instead, they decided to keep walking. As they reached the main lobby once more, the high glass ceiling showed signs of the sky darkening.

“Well, what do you know. it’s dark already,” Paul said, his eyes to the skies.

“We should get Alvy,” Bob replied. Paul let out a small laugh at this. Of course the first thing Bob thought of was Alvy.

“Right. And pie is waiting back home!”

Bob felt the corners of his mouth tug in relief. Even if he was sad that the date had come to an end, he would soon come back home to his two most treasured friends.

--

Bob fumbled with his keys for a moment before unlocking his apartment door. Alvy, who they had picked up from Alex’s place, bounded inside, barking wildly and hopping up onto the couch. Bob shut the door and locked it behind them. He tossed his keys onto the coffee table and flopped down on the couch. He smiled and scratched Alvy between the ears and under his chin. He was just as happy as Alvy to be back home from an eventful day. Paul reached from behind the couch and gave Alvy a pat as well.

Without missing a beat, Paul slipped off his shoes and made his way into the kitchen. “Pie time? I’m starving,” he groaned. Bob heard the fridge door opening.

“Sure,” Bob replied, his eyes shut. He stretched his arms above his head, making his shirt ride up slightly. Paul paused in the doorway, pie and utensils in hand, and admired the sight before him. He smiled to himself as he tiptoed into the room and poked Bob's exposed belly. Bob shrieked and flailed his arms, nearly smacking Paul in the face. He stared at Paul with wide eyes, which only made Paul giggle.

“Sorry, couldn't help it,” Paul chuckled. He laid the container down on the table and opened the lid. Immediately the inviting smell of the pie made both of the boys sit up straight. Paul grabbed a slice and then pushed the container in Bob's direction. Bob, still slightly frazzled by Paul’s antics, took a slice as well.  

While Paul had gobbled up the pastry eagerly, Bob nibbled at it. Alvy sat at Bob's feet, looking up at him quizzically, hoping to get a taste of whatever Bob was eating. Bob just shook his head and stuffed the rest of the pie in his mouth.

“So, did you have fun today?” Paul asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Bob nodded. “I did. I'd been wanting to go there for a long time.” He reached for a second slice. “Great place to go for a date.”

Paul smiled. “A date, huh? Is that what we're calling it now?”

“Uhhh...yes?” Bob faltered. He felt the familiar rush of anxiety as his heart began to pound.

“Wait, really?”

“Really what?” Bob felt sick.

Paul looked at him seriously. “Like, a DATE date?”

“Yes—I—I mean— Yes?!” Bob clapped his hand over his mouth in horror as he realized what he'd just said. He leapt off the couch, letting his fork clatter to the floor, and ran down the hallway to their bedroom, not even pausing to look at Paul. He slammed the door shut and locked it before he threw himself onto his bed, hugging his pillow as hot tears slipped down his cheeks.

Fuck. Fuck fuck FUCK.

This was not the way it was supposed to happen. This wasn’t how Paul was supposed to find out. Bob’s first date ever and he had already let his true feelings slip. Paul most certainly didn't feel the same way. He would never want Bob now.

I ruined everything.

#illtryanythingonce #allfanfic #franz ferdinand #*as an aside the details about kelvingrove may not be accurate to the actual museum #we apologize! none of us has ever actually been there #ALSO KELVINGROVE WAS CLOSED FROM RENOVATIONS FROM 2003-2006 LMAO LETS JUST. FORGET ABOUT THAT SHALL WE #this is an au where kelvingrove was open in 2004 #anyway enjoy

[dabidevito]

[fic] but i don’t want you to hide

read on ao3

rating: G // words: 1812

summary: Two scenes from Christmas 2022, in which Dan welcomes his mum and brother to join Phil and his family for dinner at their forever home.

a/n: a little christmas gift for the incomparable @knlalla​. to absolutely be a big fucking sap on main, i love you dearly and you make me a better person in so many ways. but this fic remains unbeta’d because i didn’t want you to have to edit your own present :$

this is the second work in my forever home ‘verse - read the first one here.

*~ one: Karen *~

He hears Colin yapping excitedly in the front garden long before his mother gets around to ringing the bell. She’s probably taking her time admiring the gigantic wreath Phil’s hung on their front door.

He hovers in the entrance to the foyer until the chime sounds, then counts to five before moving towards the door. He breathes deeply, pushing down the bundle of nerves in his sternum. When he opens the door, she’s smiling up at him, her brown curls tousled from the December wind. She’s holding a bottle of red wine in one hand and Colin’s leash in the other, and the white cashmere scarf Dan had given her for her birthday this year is peeking out of her coat.

“Daniel, Merry Christmas, darling,” she says brightly. He takes the wine from her as she unleashes Colin, placing it on the small table in the entryway. Colin jumps up at his legs relentlessly until Dan bends to pet and coo at him, rustling the tiny jingle bell tied to his collar. He quickly abandons Dan in favor of seeking out attention from the rest of the houseguests, leaving Dan alone with his mum.

She sheds her coat and various winter accessories, hanging everything neatly on the row of hooks to the left of the door. Dan always thinks that she looks exactly like she did the last time he saw her, even though that can’t possibly be true. But she’s got the same haircut and the same shade of pink lipstick and smells like the same pinewood candles she’s been burning in her house since he and Adrian were old enough to know not to touch them, so he feels like he’s justified.

She holds her arms out for him, and he folds his long body in half around her. There’s a burst of laughter from the lounge as they hug, and Dan suddenly feels very grateful that he asked her to come today. They’ve both worked hard to let go of so much of their messy past, of grudges and anger and apathy held between them, that the warmth of this moment feels like the beginnings of some sort of cosmic reward.

“I’m glad you’re here, Mum,” he says, because he’s trying to put his thoughts into words more often.

She squeezes tight around his middle before pulling back to look at him. “Me too,” she says, smiling. She presses up on her tiptoes to tidy his fringe and he ducks out of reach on instinct, the same way he’s been doing since he was a kid.

“Mum! None of that, fix your own fringe instead, you look like you took a tornado to get here instead of a train,” he teases.

“Oi, it’s Christmas, be nice to your mother,” she chides, poking a finger into his side even as she uses her other hand to smooth out her curls.

“Sorry, mum,” he says with a laugh. “C’mon into the kitchen. Kath’s already been breathing down Phil’s neck for the last hour, but he needs all the help he can get, honestly.”

She smiles and steps ahead of him, and Dan moves to follow before doubling back to grab the wine she’d brought. He hears the low murmur of chatter from the other room burst into a chorus of “Hello!” and “Merry Christmas!” as his mum makes her way in, and the joyous sound of it settles some of the nerves still fluttering in his chest.

It’s not often that him and Phil get their families together in one place, too little time and too much distance tending to squash any plans they make. It’d been Phil who’d suggested that they host a joint Christmas this year, to celebrate the new house and the bulk of the renovations being done and, by proxy, the true beginning of the next chapter of their lives. Dan had only resisted minutely before Phil had won him over, arguing that this year for the first time, they have the space and the time and the resources to make it truly wonderful.

Kath is tying up the strings of an apron around his mum when he finally shakes himself from his thoughts and rounds the corner into the kitchen. He catches the tail end of their conversation as he sets down the wine on the counter.

“ - and then, you’ll never believe this, Karen, he calls me two nights ago to ask if I really needed almonds for the pies, because he forgot them at the store.”

“ Dan forgot them,” Phil interjects, looking accusatorially over at him, a small smile playing at his lips.

“Oi,” Dan says, coming to his own defense, “ you were holding the list when we were at Sainsbury’s, I was only working under your instructions!”

“Well it’s your fault for letting me hold the list, then!” Phil argues.

“I’m inclined to agree with him there, Dan,” Karen says. Kath hums along in agreement, adding, “Husbands should never be left in charge of the list.”

“I heard that!” Nigel says from the dining table, where he’s sat hunched over the spring gardening blueprints he’d brought along.

“And you know it’s true!" Kath replies, pointing her wooden spoon at him victoriously. Nigel just waves her away with a smile, turning back to his drawings.

  *~ two: Adrian *~

They’d made an agreement, between all the siblings, really - no tweeting, no Instagram stories, no pictures that won’t be kept just for them. It’s the concession Dan had made in order to be able to convince Adrian to come to their house for the first time now since they’d moved, for the first time in years, actually. A pact formed between the two of them over a handful of texts, that they could both show up for their mum this year. It’s a bit forced and a bit cheesy but they’re both well and truly adults now, and so a temper tantrum over where they’d spend the holidays just doesn’t feel right anymore.

Dan  finds himself lingering in the foyer for the second time that day. He turns his phone end over end in his hands, trying to soothe the restless feeling in his chest. He unlocks it to reread Adrian’s text again, the one from 25 minutes ago saying that he was 20 mins away. Dan sighs and darkens the screen, resuming his pacing across the small space. He jumps when he hears the slam of a car door, followed by a low voice muttering as the sounds of the car engine fade away. He thinks he can make out the phrases so much fucking snow here and why couldn’t they have moved somewhere warm, and so Dan’s actually smiling a bit by the time the doorbell rings.   

They really do look so much alike. Dan sees it more and more the older they get, as Adrian disappears and reemerges through the second and third puberties that he himself is so familiar with.

“Hey,” Adrian says, and Dan startles at the realization of how long it’s been since he heard his brother’s voice in person. He still watches Adrian’s videos, quietly and well in the background of the rest of his life. His therapist has convinced him that it’s good for him, to watch and to hear his thoughts and opinions, even if Dan doesn’t always agree. Even if it makes him angry sometimes.

It’s a different thing to have Adrian standing in front of him on his doorstep, a single backpack slung over his shoulder and three small, neatly-wrapped packages stacked in his gloveless hands.  

“Hey,” Dan parrots back, the cold wind outside blowing some snow onto his ankles.

Adrian smiles, just a little. “You gonna let me in, or do I have to whistle for Colin to go on the attack?”

Dan rolls his eyes but steps back to let his brother through the door, taking the gifts from him while he shrugs out of his coat. "Yes, what an incredibly vicious beast you have at your disposal."

As if on cue, Colin comes barreling through the hallway and collides at full speed with Adrian's shins, sliding all along the way on the hardwood floors. Adrian laughs and picks him up, letting the dog lick across his cheeks and forehead.

"Ew, you two are gross," Dan says, putting on a face of mock disgust, as though he hadn't been lying on the floor letting Colin do the same to him not ten minutes earlier.

Adrian rolls his eyes in a perfect replica of Dan from two minutes ago, bending down to release a squirming Colin from his arms. "Uh, Merry Christmas," he says as he straightens up, nodding to the packages Dan had taken from him. "The bottom one's for you and Phil, and the other two are for Mum."

"Oh! Uh - thanks," Dan says, watching Adrian toe off his snowy boots and kick them into the closet. He flexes his fingers around the boxes he's holding, trying to unstick himself from his anxieties. Put your thoughts into words, Dan , his therapist's voice says in his head.

"Hey," he starts, shifting the presents to balance in his left hand, "it's good to see you. I'm happy you could come."

Adrian manages to only look taken aback for a moment before relaxing his face into a small smile. "Yeah. Me too, Dan."

A pause. Something slots into place in his heart, everyone he loves under the same roof, warm and happy and safe. It's right, that it should be this way.

"C'mon, I think Mum put the kettle on for you as soon as she heard the doorbell," Dan says.

The chorus of greetings starts up again as they round the corner into the kitchen together, and Dan veers off to the side to lay the presents Adrian had brought under the tree. When he turns back, his brother is already stood at the kitchen island, a cup of tea cradled in his hands and having his collar straightened by their mum. Martyn claps him on the shoulder as he moves around him to pour a cup for Cornelia, who's nodding along attentively as Adrian starts to recap his latest biking trip.

He catches Phil’s eye from across the room as he stands there taking in the scene. Phil’s leaning on his elbows on the kitchen island, a bit of flour on his jumper and a soft smile on his lips. Phil lets his gaze drift around the room with intention: to the counter cluttered with pieces of their festive feast, to their holiday decorations both old and new, to the many people now gathering around the dining table, carrying plates and silverware and bottles of toasting champagne. A deep sense of satisfaction settles over Dan as Phil’s eyes land on him once again. They did it.

(Together, the way they do everything else.)

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan #dnp #dan and phil #*rosewrites

[aithne]

(Illume) Loose Me Like an Arrow

Reiko sat near her mother, biting her lip, nervous. Edi-lo had availed herself of what few bathing facilities there were on Shrike, and combed out her ankle-length hair, which she was letting dry in the cooling evening hair.

Looking at her mother was disconcerting, like looking in a mirror--but at the same time, not. Did she really sit that perfectly still? Were her own eyes really that startling shade of gold? Even closed and quiet, her mother had an indefinable presence, wild and compelling at once, and unthinkingly Reiko obeyed it, moving to sit next to the kitsune.

Those gold eyes turned on her, and she licked lips gone dry. "Ah. We--have not been introduced. I am--"

"Han Reiko Mei. Or Iyotushi Reiko. Or Han Mei. Or Bayushi Mei. Or Takumi Reiko. My daughter. I know."

Reiko flushed and looked away. "Mother. I have wanted to meet you for so long, and now...I find myself at a loss for words. So many questions, and none of them come to mind."

Her eyes were amused, softening. "Not even one, Reiko? Surely, you must have at least one."

The younger kitsune fidgeted with the hem of her kimono sleeve. "Well, it might be too personal, but...what happened? Between you and my father, I mean. I have the story, but I no longer trust the source of that story. From what I know, he found out what you were, and then abandoned you."

"That is almost correct. I loved him and didn't want to kill him, but I needed more energy to keep me alive. He found my extra-curricular activities and my nature. He left me." The kitsune was utterly still as she said this, the picture of grace and restraint while saying an ugly truth.

Reiko smelled a story, and kept probing. "And then--what? I don't remember you raising me, but my memory is...unreliable, due to something my granddaughter did to me."

Edi-lo shook her head slightly. "I tried to raise you, but we were hunted. I gave you up to your father when you were ten. Your father's second wife was suspected to be barren, so he adopted a son to be his heir not long after.  Setto. Who later became your husband."

Reiko blinked, taken aback. "My father. We're talking about the man who later became the Demonbane, right?"

A small smile hovered on her lips. "One and the same. He adored you from the moment he saw you. He gave you everything you ever wanted. Except the one thing you should not have had…and then, you took that."

The shaman bit her lip. Flickers and shards of memories were beginning softly gather in her mind--a prayer gate, polished wood floors, being lifted high into the air by strong arms, feeling as if nothing bad could ever touch her.

Edi-lo continued. "He found you and Setto...together, one day. But you were doing more than just having sex with him. You were draining him, and Setto was dying. In that instant, you were no longer his daughter. You were kitsune. And a kitsune had done him wrong--years ago, at that point, but the wounds still bled. He vowed to destroy the kitsune in return for destroying his life."

Reiko closed her eyes, confused images and feelings welling up as she was reminded of them. Her brother, her fiercely adored new brother, playing at being samurai together. Memories of running together like wild things, traveling through rough country with him, laughing together as they planned a fanciful future. He was going to be Emperor and she was going to be his spymaster.

She had not known what she was. Nobody ever told her.

Then the day that new feelings had snaked through her body, the searing hunger of her first season coming upon her, though she had no idea what has happening. Setto caught up in her hunger (and truly, did they fight it so very hard?), and Reiko knowing only the hunger, and what fed her hunger.

And then, pain. Her heart shattering as her father bodily threw her across the room, her body crashing into the wall and lying crumpled on the floor. The one world, snarled, "Kitsune."

She'd understood that they had done something wrong but not why she had been the one left sobbing on the floor while her brother was carried away. She did not understand until later, when the house was silent, when her father had wrapped a rope around her wrists that burned as if it were on fire, when he told her that she had almost killed Setto. He had told her then what she was. Fox. Demon. Kitsune. He said, "I have no daughter."

In the present, Reiko could feel her heart thudding in her chest. She shook her head, wordless.

Edi-lo's voice broke over her, sweet and golden as honey. "It only got worse when Yamashita and Setto had a huge blowout about him marrying you. I don't think those two ever spoke again, after your wedding."

"And so he vowed to kill us all." Reiko's voice shook. "Me last, so I could live to see the end of what I'd wrought."

Her mother shook her head. "No, not what you'd wrought. What I had. Why do you think we both still live? You were just the target. It was my heart he was bent on hurting."

"I knew why I lived--at least, he's told me that he's tied his life to my immortality. but I did wonder about you. So much pain, from one broken heart."

Still perfectly motionless, Edi-lo was a study in light and shadow in the darkening evening. "I hurt his honor by being with other men."

Reiko ran her fingers along the inside of her arm, feeling the scars that roughened the skin. "He'll never give it up, will he?"

"There is a small part of him that is good yet. He still to this day keeps the drawings that you made as a child." Edi-lo looked off into the distance, out over the ocean. "He was a good man, Reiko."

The shaman felt another presence, and looked up. Setto stood near her, the look on his face unreadable.

Reiko asked, "Setto, I thought we only met after we were adults."

He shook his head. "You believe what you want to sometimes, love. I always knew I was going to marry you when I was old enough."

"And you didn't tell me."

"No." The spirit shrugged. "I saw no reason to. You knew that I loved you, and you loved me, and that was all you needed to know."

"I--" Words failed the kitsune, and she stared up into Setto's eyes. She shuddered. "Somehow, the knowledge of my father's hatred is worse for the fact that he once loved me--and I him." Returning with the fragmented memories was the certainty that she had, yes, loved her father once. She had known. Somewhere, she had always known, had always desperately wanted his approval, was convinced that she would never receive it.

She rose and bowed, a little awkwardly, to her mother. "I, ah, have evening meditations I have been neglecting. I am sure we will speak again. I...may have a favor to ask of you." Her mother inclined her head, and Reiko turned and walked away, towards the stairway that led into the hold, Setto drifting in her wake.

Her stride lengthened, her head down, and a voice that was growing familiar these days called, "Reiko, are you all right?"

She stopped, still looking at the floor of the corridor. She felt Jeron's arm around her, and she jerked straight, pulled away, and then relaxed as she realized that the touch was in the now. She leaned into him, shivering.

"What's wrong, Reiko?" His sky-blue eyes were worried, looking down at her.

She looked up, blue meeting gold. "I remember. My father. He raised me. He raised me, he loved me, and now he hates me. I remember. But it's too much, it's all out of order, I can't make any sense of it." Another shred of the past wrapped itself around her, and she moaned, "The village--no--"

Her father stood over her, looking at her prone, naked form, scowling down. The new bindings burned in her skin, and he turned to the crowed and said, "You can do anything you want with her. Anything at all."

Then, pain. That part was still the same.

Afterwards, the fire of the village warm on her back, a figure spoke out of the darkness. "Rei?"

She whirled, one hand on the ties of her borrowed--stolen--kimono. The figure stepped forward, and a wild hope sprang to life within her. "Setto?"

The light fell on his familiar but still changed features; it had been five years since she had seen him, and he had grown from an unfinished youth into a man. "It's me. I slipped Father's leash and came looking for you."

"It was you and the Demonbane who were the visitors, wasn't it? Who I was to be displayed to."

He nodded. "He told me a few hours ago that you were the kitsune we were checking up on. He wanted me to see you defeated and starving, to show me what you had become. He had hoped that seeing you like that would kill my love for you, and I'd consent to marry the woman he's picked out for me."

He was close now, and as he reached out to touch her hair she backed away. "Don't touch me! I kill men, Setto. I am a murderer. I've probably killed at least fifty people tonight, starting with an innocent girl. Go. Marry. Forget me."

"I tried, Rei. I tried to forget you, after you almost killed me. But I couldn't, and I can't. And," his mouth twisted, "I did some research on kitsune. If you had known what you were, you wouldn't have drunk so deeply." He drew closer again, and this time she let him. Reiko's heart twisted viciously as she felt his presence, so familiar even after their years of separation. She had run so far after her father had thrown her out, trying to outrun her memories, but her past had chased her down and was standing before her, with hand outstretched.

She whispered, her voice nearly drowned by the hiss and pop of the burning village behind her, "I never forgot you either. I never stopped loving you." Tentatively, she reached out her hand.

He took her hand. "Come with me, Rei. What you are is what you are. I loved you before I knew, and knowing what you are doesn't change that. We can make arrangements to feed you."

And, slowly, he drew her to him, pulling her into his embrace. She shivered, her feet bare on the cooling ground. "I am a demon. A monster. I drink the lives of men, Setto. I almost killed you five years ago, and if I stay with you I'll probably kill you for real one day. I love you, but no. Let me go. Let me run, let me keep running. I'll go west, find a ship over the sea, keep going. You'll never see me again. You'll marry and have children, you'll build a life for yourself, and you'll forget me."

"I can't, Rei. Whatever the future holds, it's not that. I am leaving tonight, with or without you. Our father is completely mad, and being around him is making me doubt my own sanity. At least come with me for a little while, travel with me. Please?"

She had never been able to deny him something he wanted, and this time was no exception. She said, softly, "All right. For a little while. On the condition that we travel as brother and sister. I don't want to chance hurting you."

He nodded and said, "We need to go. Father will come looking for me soon, and we need to be gone by the time he does."

"He's going to kill us, you realize that?"

"No. He won't. He'll be angry, but he'll get over it. He loves us too much." He paused, holding her just a bit more tightly. "Both of us, Rei."

She somehow doubted that, but allowed him to lead her to the saddled horses, and then followed him away over the hills.

She shook herself out of her reverie, shuddering. To Jeron, she said, "I didn't remember. Not because the memories were taken. Because I didn't want to remember. I closed my eyes to what I am, what I've done, because living with it was too hard. Lin only helped the process along."

"It's one of the problems of being immortal. When we do terrible things...they stay with us forever."

She looked up at him. "You, too?"

He nodded. "You cannot imagine, Reiko. Fourteen millennia is a very long time."

"I just want to make it all go away. But I tried that, and it came back." She drew a breath inward. "Time to face the music, I think."

Jeron tightened his arm around her. "You're not alone. You have friends to hold your hands as you walk the path through hell. And you have me, you know."

She glanced up at him, a small smile on her lips. "Do I, then?"

He chuckled, wryly. "You do, kitsune. Kami help me, but you do."

A small glow of pleasure lit her at his words. Maybe I'll get through this after all.

The kitsune could only hope, as shreds of her past continued to stir in her mind, that her hope was well-founded.

----------

"Wait. Are you telling me that I can give up my immortality?" Reiko was looking at Jeron, consternation in her eyes.

He shrugged at her. "I know it is possible. I think your mother may be able to accomplish it. And if you became mortal, the Demonbane would die. It was a thought, is all."

It was a brief exchange, as they lay curled together in the heat of the early September afternoon, but it stayed with Reiko, nagging at her. And it brought her once again to Edi-lo, asking her about what the Thrykreen had said.

Edi-lo's eyes grew thoughtful, and she nodded. "It is possible. Breaking a permanency is no mean feat. It would be costly, but I could do it."

Reiko tilted her head. "Costly? How?"

Her mother raised her hand, tipping it back and forth in an eloquent gesture of uncertainty. "It would take quite a bit out of me to do that. But it's no more difficult than other things I have done in my time. The real cost would be to you, daughter."

The shaman quirked her mouth. "It always is, isn't it?"

"I do not know what god you attracted the attention of when you were born, Reiko, but whichever one it was, it has an evil sense of humor. But there is this. If I break the permanency that leaves you immortal--you will survive. Your father will age and die in seconds. He is living on time he has borrowed from you, after all. So he dies, and you live, though you will grow old and die in due time. Perhaps your lifespan would be a bit longer than the average human's."

"So what is the cost?"

"Threefold. First, your sister--Yukiko, correct?--will probably be angry with you. I do not know her, but Akechi once mentioned that she loves her father dearly. Second, with that unbinding, the rest of the bonds on you will loosen and fade. It will unravel the bindings on your spirits. Your mind will be silent."

Reiko shuddered. "And they will all go into the final death." She looked up to see her spirits, all of them, gathered above her head. They were muttering amongst themselves. "And the third price?"

"Your father's spirit is bound to yours, Reiko. It's why he can feel it when you kill. There is a good chance that when he dies, his spirit will remain attached to you."

"I'd have his spirit, but no others?"

"Correct."

Reiko pulled her kitsune ball from her sleeve, rolling it across her knuckles, fidgeting with it. Finally, she said, "I love them. They are my family. I barely remember a time when they weren't with me. They keep me company, light my way, help me fight my fears. And I would be killing them. And it is their strength I use when I cast my spells. Without them, I'd be no shaman at all. I would be magicless except for what is intrinsic to me as a kitsune. I could not draw on the spirit of a man who hates me, I'm afraid."

Edi-lo simply sat, looking at her. "But with the loosening of the bindings that he and your granddaughter put on you, you may gain your memories and your powers back. You were, what, a four-tail, once?"

"Yes. Before my granddaughter died, I was. It's a steep price to pay. Perhaps less costly than death...but this way, I have to live with the consequences, rather than simply moving on."

"You could have your life back, Reiko. What there would be left of it."

The muttering of the spirits over her head grew louder, as they began to all try to speak over one another, shouting to be heard. Reiko fought the urge to clutch her head, and simply said, "All of you, could you be quiet, please? I promise I won't make a decision now." She sighed, irritated. "So. I can do nothing, let my people die one by one until I'm the last left, and I die under a Thrykreen blade. I can kill myself by bringing Setto back to life, and then both the Demonbane and I are dead, but he lives. I sacrifice my immortality and I live and he dies, but I sacrifice five people I love as well. In the end I grow old and die anyway, but at least I’ll have given my people a chance for survival. All roads lead down to death, it seems. To ending." Under her breath, she added, "And just when I might have found something to live for."

Edi-lo shrugged gracefully. "There are no good answers. There are just answers." Seemingly out of the blue, she asked, "You care for the Thrykreen, don't you?"

The shaman was taken aback by the question. "Yes. I do. Possibly more than he knows I do, but yes. Why?"

"I've seen how you look at each other. You're well matched, you two. But ask him to tell you a secret, Reiko."

"And what secret might that be?"

"Whether there are any of the Thrykreen orbs left. And where they are, if they exist."

Reiko frowned, confused. "Thrykreen orbs? What are those?"

"Hope, Reiko. If they still exist, they are hope." And her mother would say no more on the subject, simply shaking her head when Reiko pressed her.

----------

After she asked the question, Jeron was silent for a time, thinking. He asked, "Who told you about the orbs?"

"Edi-lo. She would not tell me anything else."

"It doesn't make any difference. The orbs are lost to me." He looked away from her, lips pressed together in a tight line.

"But what are they? Or were they?" She persisted, her curiosity in full cry. She smelled a secret, one that would come to her if only she dug for it.

"Your mother has a history of putting her nose where it doesn't belong, Reiko."

"Oh, please." She scrambled up on the bench beside him and bit his shoulder teasingly. "You know my dark secrets, Jeron. I should know at least one of yours."

"You aren't going to let me have any peace until I tell you, are you?"

She tilted her head, giving him a canny look that reminded the Thrykreen of her fox form. "Of course not. So you might as well give in."

He laughed, and shook his head. "It's a very long story. Back when I made my deal with the Demonbane, that my people would serve him in return for being saved from annihilation, there were about two hundred of us left in the world. He needed to use the bodies of my people to create the modified race that is the three-year Thrykreen, but I refused to let my people be killed in order to save them. Your father and I compromised; the essence of the Thrykreen would be placed into orbs, like the ones the Scorpion used to remove the souls of the kitsune. Place one of those orbs on the skin of a recently dead human, and the body will change to become a Thrykreen, and the soul will wake in a body that's identical to the one he left. I was to be the only one left as I was, to watch over him and make sure that his guardianship didn't become enslavement.

"I thought he would deal fairly with us. And so he did, for a time. But after a while, he felt as if he didn't have nearly enough control over me, and so he decided to protect himself from me. He placed the orbs under a magical guard, one keyed to his life force. If he dies, they are destroyed.

"I made the mistake of letting on that I cared about what happened to those orbs. Those were the insurance policy, just in case things with the Demonbane went truly sour. He decided to use them as leverage to keep me in line. Every time I refused to do something he wanted me to do, he would destroy one or more of the orbs in front of me, until I acquiesced. And after a time, they became punishment as well as goad; if he thought my obedience was less than perfect, or if I questioned him, he would destroy four or five of my people."

Reiko's voice was soft. "How many are left?"

"As far as I know, about fifteen. Perhaps fewer. I pushed him hard, the day before he sent me away. He may have destroyed the rest, I don't know. But I have grown used to thinking of them as lost. If he dies, even if there are any left, they're gone."

"You weren't going to tell me, were you? You were going to let me destroy the last of your people, to let me save what remains of my own. Why?"

He looked away from her, a wry smile on his face. "We are at an end, Reiko. Even if there are any of the orbs left, there are too few of us to continue. If what remains of the kitsune can be saved, at least some small fragment of that beauty will live on."

The kitsune reached out and began, tentatively, to stroke the Thrykreen's long blond hair. "I never asked you. What were you questioning the Demonbane about, that made him send you away?"

"I was trying yet again to convince him to give up his crusade against the kitsune." The Thrykreen shrugged. "He finally told me that he was assigning me to his daughter's retinue. I think he meant it as punishment. It turned out...much differently than either of us expected."

Her hand stilled, and Reiko rested her forehead gently against Jeron's shoulder. "I have a problem, Jeron. As do you. I want my people to live. I want your people to live. I think you're right, and the Thrykreen and the kitsune are the male and female of the same species. And I don't really want to kill my father. But if he lives, as he is, he will extinguish the last of both our races. There isn't any good way out of this."

"And you wondered why I didn't tell you." Jeron kissed the top of her head.

A thought lit Reiko's eyes, and she sat up. "I can tell you one thing for certain. He hasn't destroyed the last of the orbs! He can't."

"And why do you think that?" There was a strange hope in his voice as he turned to look at her.

She smiled, her expression cunning. "Because the moment you know for certain that the orbs are destroyed is the moment that you're able to kill the Demonbane, Jeron. Without the orbs, all you have is the faint hope that your people will, in successive generations, return to what they were before the Demonbane altered them."

"A hope I have been harboring for about four hundred years, and that we've made some progress towards, but it's by no means a sure thing."

"See? They have to still exist, because if they don't then he's dead. So. The problem becomes...how do we get them away from him? Steal them, trade for them....hm."

He laughed and pulled her close. "Ah, Reiko. Don't underestimate the Demonbane. But you may be on to something."

"I refuse to believe that the choices given to me are all there are, is all."

As the hour grew later, they talked in low voices, coming up with no solutions, all of their hopes feeling as fragile as rice paper before the typhoon.

#so queued #gaming recaps: illume #D&D recap

[cosmosogler]

i’m so frustrated i want to scream.

i had a dream about high school. i was hanging out with a japanese girl. i couldn’t understand anything she said and i was trying to figure out a good system to communicate but i couldn’t remember anything or focus on how my hands were moving. i have never had this much trouble with a language barrier and i could not figure out what she wanted. 

that was just the start of the day though.

there was that thing with dad, of course. and i’ve been feeling crummy and sore all day. it has never let up. there was a period of about an hour where it hurt so bad i couldn’t move this evening. i felt so sick i couldn’t even feel restless. it was like all my limbs died.

i have had pms symptoms worse than this, of course, but never while actively on birth control. and definitely not when it’s not even the right week yet. i still have two more days before the pill schedule says i’m actually supposed to start. at least i caught it right away and that was, er, uneventful. i do so dislike bathroom adventures.

gotta... set up an appointment with my doctor. again. try something else.

walking wiley was pretty miserable. i had no energy and every time he pulled on the leash my whole upper body ached. thankfully he didn’t seem to find anything especially interesting on our usual route today so i could focus on just moving forward. i think some kids wanted me to stop so they could pet wiley but i just waved at them and kept going because i didn’t want to deal with people. their parents didn’t look too enthusiastic about me coming over at least.

tomorrow i gotta get up an hour early for therapy. so i am writing a little early. after therapy dad wants to go to his mom’s house. i haven’t seen her since, like, before she killed her dog i think? i have never volunteered to go with dad. i think my dad knows i don’t care for her company. then we are picking up asher to start studying for the gre a little bit.

i was completely unable to focus all day despite not moving too much. i didn’t start looking at math gre materials until like twenty minutes ago. i’ve got a couple things bookmarked now... hopefully spending some time on khan academy will help boost his confidence. that’s mostly what the gre is about. not letting it psyche you out. the general gre doesn’t really cover anything over high school, or freshman year of college level. i took it without studying at all and i did way better than i did on the subject test despite spending five months pretty religiously studying. 

the worst part about standardized tests is how soul crushing they are. you still feel like you’re bad at it even when you score in the 80th percentile. or you feel like you did pretty good and get 40th percentile. just like my grades!!!

i was hoping maybe since i didn’t have to go to school this semester i could relax a little more. but here i am with my head in my hands worrying about my grades and my lost opportunity and how rusty i’m getting with numbers. i can’t... find higher level physics material to practice with on the internet. where do i go to just, do quantum physics problems every day?? and i gave my quantum book to hogan, so he could keep up with the material... maybe i’ll ask for it back... i’ll have to go back to flag at some point anyway.

i’m too ashamed to even log into facebook because maybe i’ll have gotten a notification from someone i know. or maybe someone will see me online and try to talk to me and they’ll figure out how much of a useless bum i am. i’ve forgotten to even change my skype status from “away” for several days now. i don’t talk in the discord channels...

that feeling of “i feel like a total loser” never went away. i think having to miss another semester of school broke me. it’s hard to motivate myself to even do little things. like send emails. or look at the physics stuff that i ASKED MY PROFESSOR TO SEND ME AND HE KINDLY DID. or heck, even watching tv is a chore! sitting and reading for too long makes me feel sick. i should really be wearing my reading glasses, that might be the problem with the reading. but whenever i think about doing anything i just want to cry.

i feel stupid even talking about anything but work on my tumblr, where i go to talk about how i’m feeling. it’s great. like, i could say i played a lot of pokemon and got extremely frustrated with the luck i was having at the battle tree, but i play pokemon every day. mom and dad judge me pretty hard.

it’s hard to find anything to enjoy when i know that if it’s not work related my parents are going to complain that i don’t do anything useful. i can’t get any fun out of things i used to have a great time doing. i don’t really sit and think in the shower any more, i just kind of stand there and stare at the wall and yell at myself to wash my hair already. i can’t write or draw. well, technically i physically could do those things, but i can’t... put the paper down in front of myself. when i think about it, i just don’t do it. i guess it’s hard because making art again would mean i am trying to take steps to feel better. but i wouldn’t be feeling better fast enough and mom and dad would be like “why did you draw when you could be applying for jobs” and then i would feel even worse.

i can’t start new books or tv shows and i have trouble even picking up new short stories/fanfiction because i would spend time and energy thinking about and talking about that stuff when i could be applying for jobs!!!

i can’t even crawl out of my depression hole good enough. it would be easier for everyone if i was dead. then at least my parents wouldn’t have to spend so much money on me. and my friends wouldn’t have to watch me complain about nothing all the time. and i wouldn’t have to sit here and be myself all day.

haha, the dream i had... i was singing a song and i mixed up the lyrics. it reminded me of last may when i went to comicon and i liked someone’s cosplay and tried to point it out to taylor and i got the character mixed up with a different one right in front of everyone in the elevator. i bet i looked like a real fake gamer girl!!!

not only that, but it was an undertale cosplay, and i know how... intense the fans can be. i wanted to melt into my dress and through the floor.

i hate the way my body looks and it’s so hard for me to cosplay. i get judgmental looks when i try to play along in character a little bit because i don’t commit enough, or i commit too much, or i get disappointed looks when i don’t play along because i’m too nervous. i’m lucky if one person asks to take a picture with me. i should really make my own costumes... i could probably put in just a little more effort and maybe people would like my costumes. but i can’t sew and mom never taught me how to do anything i could use to take care of myself.

everything i learned about how to take care of myself i had to teach myself... i don’t even know how to put on makeup. i have never even once done it myself.

mostly because it’s bad for my skin and i hate the way it feels on my face, but also because i was afraid of doing it wrong and having to wear it that way all day.

i guess, i got so used to doing things wrong on purpose, like playing video games just badly enough or getting pop culture references wrong to look just the right level of Not That Nerdy, and Letting the Guys Be Right, that when i actually put in effort and tried to win i couldn’t any more. the only thing i can do on purpose is lose. and i guess... losing on purpose gives me some control over whether i won or not. since i’m gonna lose anyway, may as well let myself down easy, you know?

but i keep trying for some reason. because i’m stupid i guess. dedication and stubbornness are the same thing.

actually one time it was kind of funny. i was just starting high school and wanted to not look like an unapproachable hermit. so i was talking about tv shows with a guy. i think it was long hair jake. he brought up dragonball z. i have seen the show before, and i had only the most tenuous grasp of the plot, but i liked some of the characters enough to be familiar with their names and personalities. i watched toonami a lot in grade school. but i was so afraid of looking like a nerd, because he was so cool, you see, that i deliberately “forgot” all the characters’ names and basic things about the show. getting it wrong on purpose and letting people judge me for that is easier than trying earnestly and getting it wrong anyway without even noticing. at least when i do something on purpose i have some say in what people think of me, because i did for sure act a certain way.

i ended up being an unapproachable hermit anyway and during my second year i actually got yelled at by the dean of students for being “too egotistical to spend time with my classmates.” 

honestly i think that actually truly damaged my self esteem. here i had clearly established myself as the worst student, and was too afraid to hang out with literally anyone, and everyone thought i thought myself too high and mighty for those lowly mortals! gaze upon me and despair.

man, i hate me. i hate having to deal with me. i hate listening to myself all day. i hate the way i keep getting up and trying again even when there is clearly nothing to be gained. i wish i could just die already.

and yet... i appreciate the way eve keeps going like there’s nothing wrong even though she is clearly aware of how old she is. i appreciate that she still asks to go on walks even though she’s always sore and tired afterward. that she still wants to spend time with me despite everything.

haha i’m crying again, good night everybody, i’ll be here all week. i can’t see again, my eyes burn so bad. god it hurts.

i am just a little early tonight. but i have to get up to go to the bathroom so often every night that i’ll probably end up not getting enough sleep anyway. it wasn’t as bad last night, so maybe the medication is finally starting to help.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #63

“now it’s you-know-who, i got the you-know-what, stick it you-know-where, you know why, you don’t care.”

tell me about the last thing that made you laugh until it hurt. chelsea showed me a stupid video that had me crying on new year's. i normally wouldn't have laughed so hard, but i was almost drunk. is there a trampoline in your backyard? no. we got rid of ours years ago. what about kids on leashes? what do you think about that? i don't feel much about it, because i've never raised a child. it's funny to see, no doubt, but idk if it's right or wrong. kids can be dangerously ignorant. for whatever reason, your significant other can NEVER have sex again. do you stay with them? duh. i can live without it. how would you react to losing a close friend? same shit, different day. have you ever drunk/eaten a substance in the science lab? no, because i didn't want to die back when i was in school. have you ever led the prayer at dinnertime? if not, do you want to? i have. do you like those sudoku puzzles? 
 i sure do. have you ever taken a course in chemistry? 
 no, i took physical science, which had chemistry mixed into it. do you like to draw?  not nearly as much as i used to... so, tell me about your day. was it good? 
 same old day. woke up, ate breakfast and such, watched my daily gmm. started taking surveys while i listened to music and let's plays in the background. seriously, it's the same every other day. do you have your own web site? 
 well i mean i created the rp forum my friends and i moved to, but it's not "mine." do you frequently add people to your friend’s list that you don’t know? no, never. how do you feel about girls that post half naked pictures on facebook? cover it up, hunny. not everyone needs to know you like that. sorry to be all "conservative," but i hate that shit. what’s your favorite ice cream flavor? vanilla, but with chocolate icing. have you ever considered changing your sexuality? no, i have not. i don't believe you can just "change" your sexuality like that. ever thought about changing your gender? here come the liberals. i don't believe it's possible to change your gender. what is the worst physical pain you have ever felt? getting my former cyst emptied at the er. fuck that. who is the most inappropriate person you know? mmmm... chelsea, probably. has someone ever told you they loved you and you didn’t say it back? yeah. are you satisfied with what you currently have in life? no. like look... i am happy i have a house. i have both parents. we have food. but what i have, both good and bad, is not enough for me to see a happy life possible. how long has it been since you kissed someone? over a year ago. your best friend has sex with your ex. what happens? i'm killing her. your ex wants you back, but you are in a relationship. what do you do? ... fucking kill me. i'd leave my current boyfriend to be with him. what did you do last night? wallowed in self-pity, convinced myself to not kill myself. if someone was to ask you if you were okay right now, are you? no. mom's taking my letter to jason to the mail tomorrow. i feel it in my gut that it's not going to change his feelings for me. do you think you would lose some friends if you gained 100 pounds? honestly, no. i feel that the friends i have now are more serious than that. when was the last time someone gave you a massage? i'm sure it hasn't been since jason and i dated and he'd give me one. when was the last time you were in an amazingly awesome mood? HA. is there something you need to get off your chest at the moment? there's a novel's worth. has the last person you kissed met your father? he has. i don't know how he feels about my dad since the divorce, though. he'd always have to hear me rant and cry about him. have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream? i have. have you ever had to block anyone online? plenty of times. have you ever made a boy cry? i sadly have. do you find guys with facial piercings attractive? generally. who was the last person to insult you to your face? colleen, kinda. what scares you more: snakes or spiders? spiders, i'm not scared of snakes. do you wear thongs? i never have. have you ever done yoga? i used to be amazing at it. many summers ago, i used wiifit to lose about 40 pounds. i mainly did yoga. i was super flexible. would you consider yourself a flirt? not in the slightest. do you have any friends who have an STD? i have a family member who does. are you thinner than your best friend? i am not. have you ever been prescribed narcotics? yeah, xanax and another for anxiety that i forgot... how many rings do you wear daily? just one. i want to repair the one jason gave me so i can wear that one again, too... i think i'll do that tonight or tomorrow. do you get car sick or motion sick easily? does it ever stop you doing things? i don't. did you ever dream of living in a house with a white picket fence? not really, no. after you go swimming, do you sit around in your wet bathing suit with a towel or do you immediately change? i usually sit around for a while. what was the last activity you did that made you sweat? i'm pretty sure i sweat very slightly just when i got the craft box out of the closet. because of my medication, literally everything makes me sweat... it's so embarrassing. when was the last time you used lotion? last time i shaved my legs. currently listening to? "tourniquet" by marilyn manson. just another song that makes me think of how i feel about jason in some ways. give us a lyric from this song. "take your hatred out on me, make your victim my head." besides your mouth, where is your favorite spot to get kissed? breasts or neck. ever jacked a dude off? were you even romantically involved with him? hey, when you "can't" have sex, you find the loopholes, sister. and yes, we were dating at the time. would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot? i'd rather it be hot, but cold's fine. have you ever had fake nails? i have not. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? no. it feels demeaning, honestly. does the person you like, like you back? no, he does not. do you believe ex’s can be friends? if you were deeply romantically involved? fuck no. do you like to text or call more? texting. calling is awkward imo and it's hard to understand the person, at least to me. when was the last time you really pushed yourself to your physical or emotional limits? what were you doing and how did it turn out?   emotionally, right fucking now.  colleen's decided to lecture me again, and i am a hair's width from just... i don't know.  basically, it's taking stupendous amounts of emotional willpower to not go kill myself right now.  i have HAD IT with her.  i won't bore my survey tumblr readers with the full story.  physically, probably the last time i went to the gym, i assume. what's your favorite saying or quote? why does it mean something special to you? how did you come across it?   i answered this in a recent-ish survey.  my favorite (series of) quote(s) takes place in the recent movie "Suicide Squad."  a police asks harley quinn, "harleen, what did he tell you?"  harley's cackling/crying and responds, "he said he loved me." i love the quote so much because i feel it.  bit of villain backstory, harley quinn was driven mad by her boyfriend/former patient, and i'd consider myself to have been through the same (via his absence, anyway, but you get it).  i started as jason's mentor, and i guarantee he'd tell you the same.  then, without him intending it, i've become his fucking slave, shadow, and #1 fan all at once.  i'd do it all for him.  all because he said he was in love with me.  powerful fucking words.  don't abuse them, people. do you enjoy getting dressed up for a night out? what are your favorite places for a "night on the town"?   i like getting dressed up for something that's bigger than usual, but i don't really have "nights out on the town."  i don't do anything even remotely extravagant. what is your favorite classic disney film and why?   does "the lion king" count?  if so, that one.  i can't exactly say why it's my favorite besides simba coming back from a tragedy as the king of the world pretty much, but i love that movie dearly. are you a good liar? under what circumstances do you choose to lie (just little white lies, or bigger ones)? have you ever regretted your choice to be less than truthful?   honestly, when i do lie, i'm rarely caught.  and i'll lie mainly to avoid hurting people, but i confess to sometimes doing it to just avoid confrontation. can you remember the first swear word you ever learned?   no, but i remember the first one i said aloud: shit.  i had no idea it was a bad word.  got a massive lecture in the car. how old were you when you first started to wear make-up? do you prefer others with or without make-up?   late middle school, i think.  and i personally find make-uped faces more aesthetically pleasing, it's why there's such a problem in this world with women feeling ugly without it, but you're still absolutely beautiful without it, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. how long do you need to get to know someone, before you’d think about having a relationship with them?   i don't measure that by time, i measure that by how well i'm getting to know them. is global warming actually happening?   duh. does gpa determine a person's intelligence?   no, fuck this question. do you refuse to talk about your sexuality?   no.  it's not a big deal to anyone. do you have a debit card?   i do not. would you have an abortion if you would otherwise die in childbirth?   no, because i'm not fucking selfish. do you think sleeping is a waste of time? yet you LOVE your dreams, even when they're kinda bad?   i mean, it technically is a waste of time, but we need it regardless. what would you do if your boyfriend got snake bite piercings?   that's totally up to him, i'd love him regardless.  now whether or not i'd find it physically appealing just depends on the person. do you think it's at all possible you may change your religion in your life?  i'm not going to bullshit.  maybe.  DO I THINK I WILL, NO, but do i rule out the possibility, no.  after how pissed i've been at god lately, i wouldn't be entirely surprised if, in the worst case scenario, i became satanic.  god please don't let me. if you were told that you were going to spend the rest of your life with the last person you kissed, would that make you happy?   i would... oh my god.  i would physically break down from joy.  i would sob.  i would bow and praise god beyond all explanation.  i would fucking lose it. who was your first boy/girlfriend and do you still talk to them?   if you want to count him as "the first person who had the 'boyfriend' title," aaron.  and no, we don't.  we're friends on facebook though. have you ever watched the big bang theory, or how about glee?   i've watched and love tbbt, but i've never watched glee. are you considered a “clingy girlfriend?”   i probably would be. do you have a large dog?   she's pretty big, yeah.  we have a boxer. would you ever date someone who watched cartoons?   ... the fuck is this question??  no shit i would!! what was your last dream about?   all i remember is it was the apocalypse and i was back with jason.  he was there with me.  we somehow survived, and demons took over the world after the humans were eliminated.  everyone was trying to be heroes and such by killing them. have you ever seen a crocodile in real life?   i know i've seen alligators, don't know about crocs. if you were drunk and couldn’t walk, would the person you have feelings for, take care of you?   i kinda feel like he would if he was already there, anyway.  he wouldn't like drive somewhere to come watch me, but if he was already there, i'd at least hope he'd be kinda protective... has anyone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?   not only that i didn't want to hear, but didn't need to hear, too.  tell me again my mental illness is invalid, swear to fuck. why were you last scared?   i'm scared of myself now. do you know a secret about your last ex that would embarrass them?   something potentially might, but i doubt it.  i'd never share the information though regardless. were you a hyper or mellow kid?   i was quite hyper.  i miss that. what’s your favorite movie?   burton's "alice in wonderland" do you hate it when everyone you know is sleeping in, so you are bored?   ha ha, sometimes. how much of your time to do you spend being bored? what could cure that boredom?   honestly... almost 24/7.  i've talked about this before: jason left and took my hobbies with him.  because they feel "bad."  i take no pleasure in what i used to enjoy, like games, drawing, reading...  i honestly think the only thing that'll heal that is spending time with jason himself. what are your least favorite kind of people?   people that think mental illness isn't fucking valid is what i feel most hatred towards at the moment. describe an orgasm. (just do it, nobody will judge you here.)   hahahaha omg the person before me answered "god will judge me," i love that.  anyway, i wouldn't know. are you a picky eater?   beyond so. are you hopelessly addicted to the computer?   i mean i guess you could say that, as i'm always on... would you ever take nakey pictures of yourself?   maybe for my husband??? what cause (feminism, gay rights, abortion, etc) are you most passionate about?   abortion does your best friend have any piercings?   ears, and... i think nose.  omg i feel horrible, i'm not sure. what's better: an apology to your face or a nice apology letter?   an apology to your face. has anyone ever kissed you when you REALLY weren't expecting it? was it a good random kiss, or a bad random kiss?   i don't think so, but it's possible... what is the last thing you got a blister from?   i got one from my flip-flop rubbing against the side of my toe. do you remember the song that used to be really popular, 'she will be loved'?   I DON'T MIIIND SPENDIN' EV-ER-EE-DAAAAAY, OUT ON YOUR CORNER IN THE POURIN' RAAAAIIIIN do you have any friends who have never seen you makeup-free?   i don't. what is the worst thing that could happen to you?   the worst thing that could happen to me already happened. do you think age matters in friendship?   in friendships, absolutely not. are you more likely to eat when you’re bored or depressed?   i wouldn't be overweight otherwise. describe the nearest photograph to you?   it's jason and i at our first prom.  we're peeking at each other from around the tree. do you know anyone who has overdosed?   i know of people, but i know none directly.  well wait... my half-sister overdosed, but didn't die as she called the cops in time. the person you have feelings for says he/she wants to have sex, you say?   ... i would. kfc or popeye’s?   i don't like fried chicken. what was the name of the last pet of yours that died?   link, my former rat. have you ever had to evacuate from a natural disaster?   thank god, no. do you have any family members who are cancer survivors?   quite a few, actually.  my mom survived kidney cancer, my grandma lived through thyroid cancer i believe it was, and i think an aunt of mine had breast cancer. when was the last time you went way out of your comfort zone? what happened as a result?   uhhh i guess when i told my former boss i had to quit, and what happened is obvious. is working with animals something you enjoy? how about working with people? what would be your ideal work environment?  well, it's become clear i can't work with people.  i've had two jobs in retail, and each time, i vomited from the anxiety and when i wasn't vomiting, i was living in constant panic mode.  i haven't had a job with animals yet, but that's what i'm looking for.  the ideal job would just be where i work on my own... do you have any favorite stuffed toys?   oh yeah.  i have a stuffed meerkat named rebel from jason, and my stuffed moose named brownie is very dear to me too. would you ever get any private parts pierced?    heeeell no. do you agree with medication to treat mental illnesses or do you believe that they are a ‘stage’ that a person will grow out of?   mental.  illnesses.  need.  to be.  MEDICATED.  just like a person with asthma needs an inhaler, a mentally ill person needs medication, too!! do you ever get really paranoid about how loud you’re breathing?   i do occasionally, yes. have you ever met a person who was convinced they had supernatural powers?   i "met" a woman who thought she was jesus christ, the mother mary, and god all in one person while in the mental hospital...  she scared THE FUCK out of me. what're you thinking of RIGHT THIS MINUTE?   i actually just started thinking of jason's sick grandma outta nowhere a few seconds ago... and now i feel sad.  she was definitely dying while we were dating, so i guess she's gone now... she was a sweet lady, despite not saying much.  she seemed to like me enough. what is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?   okay, i know casual sex is gaining popularity, but me?  dude, FUCK that.  sex is supposed to be a very emotional and connecting experience.  it's not "just for fun" and shouldn't occur everytime you feel horny with someone or whatever. what are you doing right now?   doing this survey, possibly talking to jax if she's still online, and listening to "slo-mo-tion" by marilyn manson. what books, if any, have made you cry?   that i can remember, "the notebook," "a walk to remember," "old yeller," and i think i teared up in "the giver."  there was also this one book about an elderly couple we read in high school, but i cannot remember the name...  i remember tearing up. are you picky about spelling and grammar?   very much so. song you REALLY wanna fuck to?   okay, if it's with jason, i do plan on deliberately trying to woo him into having sex to "heart-shaped glasses" by marilyn manson because uh... this is terrible... but it reminds me of his ex because she always wore heart-shaped glasses and i fucking hate her for MANY reasons and idk it'd just kinda feel like a huge "fuck you" to her lmao.  yes i am a child somewhere in my heart.  just to add to it, when i get sunglasses, yeah... i found heart-shaped glasses on rebel's market and i want them. if you could have sex with anyone, who would it be?   it'd still be jason.  sorry, link neal. do your hands shake a lot?   well, i have an essential tremor that's only gotten worse over the years, so. the mere thought of anyone ever made you... you know... "moist"... downstairs?   omfg do you really have to say that word this question bothers me lmao.  but yeah. i like dirty questions, let's continue! do you masturbate? if not, why? also if not... what's the most tempted you've ever felt? you know you have at least once!   i do not masturbate because i personally find it disgustingly lustful and gross, no matter how clean you may be.  i've been tempted before once, sure.  i had a really hard time one night kinda recently when i was thinking rather sexually of jason, but i did nothing about it. do you get crazy sex hair?   i wouldn't know, but i've had some pretty wild hair from doing sexual things.  my hair was super long when we were together. is everything going to be okay?   i am the wroooong person to ask. have you ever had a pet rat?   four so far, yeah. do you like free samples?   who doesn't?! have you ever made yourself look like a fool for love?   i'm pretty sure i always do nowadays.  to be so obsessed with your ex-boyfriend... it's silly. who was the last person you slow danced with?   jason...  long time ago... has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you?   i'm pretty sure no. at concerts, are you one of those people that push and shove their way to the front, or are you one of the those people that gets there hours before in order to ensure that you get a front-row position; or do you just suck it up and stand wherever you can?   i've only been to one, at which i sucked it up and stood wherever i could. did you ever like jewel?   like one song anyway, but she has an absolutely heavenly voice. when watching scary movies/hearing scary stories/etc, what subject scares you the most?   when women are raped by demons.  just.  let's not. do you think marilyn manson looks good?   ha ha how funny, i'm actually listening to him right now!!  but anyway, VERY rarely, honestly.  in some pictures/videos he looks pretty appealing.

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