#I just want my brain to WORK

[affectionatepanda]

I’m holding a knife up to my ADHD medication and anti depressant asking where the executive functioning is

#disabled #disability #vent post #adhd #actually adhd #anti depressants #executive dysfunction #I just want my brain to work #executive function #med problems

[girlscience]

Well, I went from 970 words to 1203 words and the order is better and a lot of editing was done (went up to ~1500 words for a bit and edited back down), but wow I can't focus for shit. This paper is still definitely not the quality it needs to be and for trying to work on it for about 9 hours today and only ending up here, I am honestly super disappointed with myself. I have never been the fastest writer, but this is abysmal. I will not make it through grad school if I can't write papers.

#I apparently have very little ability to make myself write without a lot of external pressure #because even though I have a deadline for this.... if I don't do it nobody but me will really care #I have to be doing it for myself and my life #and apparently that's not sufficient motivation to get past how much I don't like writing #which is DUMB #I write on here all the time. I write huge dissertation type messages about stories I like #I write whole documents on worldbuilding that I'm doing #I also think I'm very much out of practice with writing unfortunately #and my last memory of writing papers is reallllly terrible (senior year end of semester covid and being at home fucked me over) #and I think all of that is compounding on top the fact my attention span is smaller than it used to be #and so it's like trying to herd cats just to type a fucking comprehensible paragraph #I know I spent probably 7 of my 9 hours on the computer today on youtube or tumblr #and I probably spent 1 hour just staring at the document #I just want my brain to WORK #I don't know how to make it WORK #productivity hacks really don't help much... I am think I need to try the boredom one more though #that was definitely what got me to make calls and write emails the past couple weeks #maybe I can make it work for this. I just have to get up the discipline to not get on another website #the hack is basically 'if I won't do this thing I need to do I just have to sit here till the boredom is so strong I'll do anything' #so you can't get on another website or clean or listen to music or anything #just sit until your brain is screaming that it will do ANYTHING to not be bored #and so it forces you to do the thing because at least that's doing SOMETHING #but it does mean I have to be strong enough to not do anything else #which has mixed results. but it has worked a little bit so I guess we'll try that this week more

[waitaminuteashh]

barely surviving uni test week and I have one of my biggest tests tomorrow, but of course my brain wants focus on the squirrel outside my window instead of my work (it's been almost 2 hours. the squirrel is equally scary and cute)

#squirrel #i just want my brain to work #and i have a night shift starting in a few hours #im so fucked

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

After months of research and development and market testing and perfecting the first item I feel confident selling online, I have realized... that it is an incredibly niche item that only a specific subset of absolute nerds would want to buy, and I will have to do a ton of explaining the basic idea over and over again before people generally get what it is I'm even selling. RIP me

#this is like the time I spraypainted a bunch of screw heads gold #because I was putting up gold spraypainted shelf brackets and wanted these black screws to not stand out #and to make it easier I took a piece of thin cardboard and cut a series of Xes in it #then pushed the screws in a little bit and positioned it over the gap between boards on the back deck #and used my hammer to just plonk those screws into place so I could spraypaint them! #i felt so clever I posted a video of it #(gold spraypaint makes me feel giddy and childlike) #and everyone was like #“GIRL NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT DON'T TRY TO *HAMMER* YOUR *SCREWS* INTO A DECK!” #it took like. so much work to try to explain to people why this was a problem I wanted to solve #much less the mechanism by which i solved it #my brain is just. HIGHLY WEIRD SOMETIMES

[rowanwithaz]

I'm disappointed in the bkdkdkbk community for not writing enough fics about this. You all have FAILED me. I really can't find any good zoo fics,and I've searched and searched Ao3 trust me.

#mha #bkdk #dkbk #bnha #dekucchan #greenade #bakudeku #dekubaku #izukatsu #dekukatsu #katsudeku #I want to write my own but my brain juices won't work #When they do I won't stop writing zoo fics #It'll probably be Dkbk #I like bkdk but I prefer dkbk #Thanks for the notes #goddamn #Two thousand notes #Shit y'all disappointed with me? #Not like disappointed just “disappointed”

[evnnkinard]

the first time after they have sex buck tries not to be too clingy. holds onto the following moments post orgasm where tommy's still on top of him, inside of him, and they trade slow, soft kisses, panting into each others mouths. lets himself run his hands across tommy's skin, down his back, over his sides, memorising. but bites back his whine when tommy finally pulls away. he hums softly when tommy kisses his cheek and murmurs, "i'll be right back," and ignores the urge to grab his hand and beg him to stay. lets him leave the bed and tries to focus on something else other than the way his skin immediately feels cold. tries not to feel disappointed. reminds himself that everybody has different needs, it's not all about him. instead, tries to summon the energy to get his own legs working again so he can get up, too.

and then tommy's back. there's a cloth, damp with warm water, swiping gently across his stomach, down his thighs, cleaning him. he can't help the sound that escapes him this time when tommy wipes over his hole, still sensitive, even with as careful as tommy is. tommy runs a hand along his thigh, soothing, apologetic, says, "sorry, kid. you'll regret it in about five minutes if we don't clean up now though, trust me," his voice is raspy, still sounding as thoroughly fucked as when he was in the process of actually fucking buck. buck tries not to preen.

and then tommy's throwing the cloth across the room and buck hears the gentle thump of it landing in the laundry basket. thinks, stupidly, 'score'. and then there's a kiss being placed on buck's inner thigh, and then his stomach, and then tommy's making his way back up buck's body, kissing his mouth. buck sighs, melts into the kiss. doesn't grab onto tommy's shoulder, the back of his head, like he so desperately wants to. lets tommy pull away again, though he doesn't go far this time, hovering over buck.

"s'okay. you- you didn't have to do that, though. i- i would've-" and tommy shuts him up with another kiss. he's smiling oh so softly when he pulls away, has his 'evan' expression on his face, as everyone else has deemed it. flicks his eyes over buck's face, searching, says, "evan. i wanted to, okay? i like looking after you. makes my hindbrain happy."

buck laughs, feels warm in the way he's come accustomed to feeling when he's with tommy, and tommy's smile widens, like he's accomplished exactly what he wanted to and then he's flopping down next to buck, close, so close that their shoulders, arms, thighs are touching, pressed lightly against each other, but he doesn't move to do anything else. a minute ticks by and buck wants to shuffle closer, curl his body around his boyfriends and have tommy's arms wrap around him, engulf him in that way that always makes him feel safe, loved. knows if he asked, tommy would absolutely oblige because he's so good, so amazing like that. doesn't ask. doesn't want to put tommy out. stays where he is, settles for the points of contact they're already sharing despite the ways his skin screams-

"evan," buck startles, doesn't think it's the first time tommy's said his name. rolls his head on his pillow and finds tommy already looking at him, eyes crinkled in amusement. wants to reach out and run his fingers along the lines, ingrain them into his memory. doesn't, but tommy does. reaches out with both hands, pulls at him, gently but firmly, "come on, get over here, i wanna cuddle," he manhandles and rearranges buck how he wants him, until buck's lying half on top of him. head tucked under his chin, one of his thighs thrown across his legs and buck has to remind his dick that they've just had sex and to calm the fuck down because fuck- that's hot, but now's really not the time. one of tommy's arms falls across his waist, tugging buck impossibly closer, like he'd tuck buck inside his skin if he could. buck wouldn't stop him. tommy's other hand comes to rest against buck's head, fingers occasionally moving to pet at his mess of curls.

and buck tucks his face further into tommy's neck, takes a breathe, and another, surrounds his senses with his boyfriend. clings, because he thinks it's okay this time. tommy's clinging, too. lips press to the top of his head, dropping a kiss there. hears tommy's soft, "you okay?"

"yeah. yeah, i'm okay. just- this- this is nice. i- i really like being close to you."

"yeah? good. i really like being close to you, too, evan."

#911 #911 abc #evan buckley #tommy kinard #bucktommy #buck x tommy #mine: post #mine: 911 #mine: text #this got so much longer than i expected and the ending absolutely sucks #wanted the conversation at the end to go a little differently. a little angstier. but i couldn't make it work but i think this is okay #also i don't really consider these little tidbits to be fics bc i literally just start typing out the thoughts that are constantly attackin #my brain at all hours and they just end up spiralling into posts like this? #but i guess they kinda are fic-ish? fic adjacent? idk. i'm just having fun

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

As if I wasn't already exhausted enough this morning...

It's been brought to my attention that people are taking my fanfics, editing them, and sharing them around. I don't have the words to describe how not okay this is. If you don't like something about my fanfic, then I'm sorry to hear that, but there are a lot of other fics out there you can read instead.

I put time and effort and care into my writing, as does every writer. To take my work without permission and change it feels like someone just punched me in the gut. Frankly it makes me not want to share my work at all and to take down all the writing I do have up, because why should I share anything with people if all they're going to do is decide it's not good enough and they're going to do what they want with it and make it "better"?

And before anyone comes at me, this is not what a transformative work does. This is not the same as fanfiction. I'm fucking exhausted from working two eleven hour shifts over the weekend so my brain is not working so someone smarter and more articulate than I am can explain why. I'm tired.

This genuinely makes me want to take down all my works and not share anything new. It's very simple, kiddos: Don't like it? Don't read it. You will miss out on some fanfics that way, just like you'll miss out on some films, or books, or TV shows. I've missed out on really good fic, novels, films, etc, for the same reason. We all do. It's a part of life. Stuff will sometimes have things in it that you don't like. Skim those parts, fast-forward those scenes, grin and bear it, or just go and read/watch something else.

Normally I would make this post unrebloggable but I worry other writers in this fandom might experience the same thing and not realize it. So people are welcome to reblog this. Anyone who's an ass on it will be blocked, no second chances.

Just. Don't do this guys. Holy shit don't do this. What the actual fuck.

#mads writes stuff #911 abc #911 fanfic #yes unfortunately tagging the fandom since that's the fandom it happened in #I'm just #holy fuck #genuinely I want to message every writer I know in this fandom #even if we've never spoken #to like... warn them this is apparently a thing #I wish I could make my brain work right now but I'm so fucking braindead #I'm working three jobs and this is my fun relax safe space except NOT ANYMORE 'CAUSE PEOPLE ARE BEING DICKS #just... don't fucking do this what the FUCK is wrong with you #actual CHILDREN are more respectful holy fuck

[egophiliac]

happy new year Ego!!! Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely adore your twst fanart and the tags are just an absolute pleasure to read! You are my greatest inspiration for my personal twst art and I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful masterpieces <333 if possible, may I ask what are some of your headcanons for the diasomnia family? If not for diasomnia then any other characters are fine as well!

thank you, and happy new year! 💚💜💚 that is amazing to hear; it's always a little bewildering but super flattering that other people like my silly little doodles so much!

I don't think I really have any really solid headcanons and also canon keeps validating me left and right (FLUFFY DOMESTIC DIAFAM IS REAL). mostly just kind of...impressions and general thoughts, if that makes sense! lately though I've been kind of obsessed with thinking about Lilia's hair, and specifically when/why he ended up cutting it. (l-look, we're bouncing around the timeline and I gotta make decisions about these things when I draw, it's relevant) (I mean I would probably be weirdly fixated on this anyway, but.)

I think I've settled on the idea that he kept it long until he went to NRC, partly because 1) I like drawing The Ponytail, and 2) I think he thought of NRC as a chance to reinvent himself a bit! he gets to go and be a wacky carefree teenager for a few years and have fun! (officially he's there to keep an eye on Son #1, but how much trouble could he get into, really.) so he gave himself a Cool Teen Haircut to go with his fresh new Cool Teen Persona!

also maybe he had some reflection on his hair's troubled past with three kids...

...and had to weigh his vanity versus the fact that he was going off to be around hundreds of kids on a daily basis, and. the choice suddenly seemed obvious.

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers #this is my blog and i'm going to write a million words about lilia and you can't stop me #but anyway i do genuinely get the impression that he's using Pretending to Be a Teenager as a chance to be even sillier than usual #he's a very silly man he's just being EXTRA silly #supported by his recent birthday card where he says he was specifically trying to cast himself as an adorable little brother-type #because he wanted the other students to give him free shit and save him seats and things like that #it worked for about a week before he turned out to be way too good at stuff and everyone just kind of ended up in awe of him instead #and he was like DANGIT. I'VE RUINED IT FOR MYSELF. #(then he and epel went on to talk about their hypothetical vtubersonas because the birthday cards are INSANE but anyway) #i'm bad at headcanons :( sorry! #unless it's dumb things like...what pokemon they would have or whatever #(malleus would have some kind of special fancy-colored dragapult) (but i digress) #i have a hard time putting things into words. just know that i love the grampa bat and his weird kids very much. #my brain is also still kind of fried from the last couple of weeks #i am however starting 2024 off the way i intend to continue it: in deep contemplation of anime hair #(sorry if these look weirdly aliased) (i realized about 3/4 of the way through i was using the wrong brush and i didn't want to restart :U)

[bizarrelittlemew]

calling it right now that season 3 starts like this

#so confused about people saying the season finale feels like the end because to me it didn't at all #there's like 5-10 issues immediately set up for another season #they're in a happy place at this point because they've both realized their love is bigger than anything else #and makes it worth working on their problems together #the problems are still very much there #both of them have deep self esteem/self loathing issues that haven't been resolved in the week since ed woke up #ed doesn't know about stede's trauma #they haven't talked through anything #and they'll be shit at starting/running an inn lmao it's not gonna go well #and those are just some of the internal issues #then there's prince ricky and all the authorities that would very much like to get their hands on both blackbeard and stede bonnet #because stede just full-on kept using his government name after faking his death. nice one #the crew are not “gone” they're more like off to college for a bit but will probably run into trouble immediately #again because while they escaped to the ship they didn't eliminate the threat (the british empire) #it's not a forever goodbye #ok this got super long already anyway i have a whole fic marinading in my brain until i've finished these 4 wips i'm in the middle of ✌️ #hope we get a renewal soon because i want to see the rest of their story!! #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 #ofmd #our flag means death

[b4kuch1n]

same teacher, different lessons

transcript

#sonic the hedgehog #dr. ivo eggman robotnik #miles tails prower #sonic frontiers #SPOILERS. THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THIS COMIC BY THE WAY. #SONIC FRONTIERS SPOILERS #smiles gently I can not believe I let sonic the fuckign hedgehog ruin my life #(I can I totally can) #hi <3 if you follow me because I drew this sonic comic. don't! #don't do it! follow me bc I'm funny and hot and devastatingly smart don't follow me bc I draw sonic stuff. bc it won;t happen again #I mean it. not bc I dont like or want to do sonic stuff. but bc I am literally in the middle of a job rn #one that I want to invest 100% of my time and brain in #this comic is actually an effort to win my brain back so I can do my job lol #because I finished miss penny snapcube's streams of this game and it force fed me emotions #I just! I just thought sonic would come tell eggman abt sage!! idk seems like something he'd do!!! #and also the whole thing abt letting the characters move on and have a future and change and develop #vs Killing My Baby Little Guy Daughter For Like Ten Minutes #thematically interesting! also for some reasons I had. a pretty easy time drawing this #I was mouthbreathing galloping like a horse to finishing this. Because I Need To Work #I didnt expect to have a good time with these designs tho idk why. probably bc I most suck shit at drawing animals #but to be fair yet again sonic and tails are little guys. theyre animal but theyre also like dudes. also sonic's design is kinda perfect #as far as character design goes he's really pretty goo- wait I made a continuity error hol on #okay. okay I fixed it. no problem. no matter 's all good now #okay. I go sleep now. today has been very noisy. but this actually got me through it okay #thank you sonic the hedgehog. that was pretty cool of u #have a good night guys! absolute freedom is probably really really sad #long post

[tough-n-dumb]

i genuinely cannot get over kaz’s face and the barely concealed panic on it when sturmhond/nikolai holds up the garnets of ivets necklace and kaz realizes that without it he can’t keep his promise to inej and pay off her indenture. and we know that he takes the necklace from alina in the first place exactly for that reason

and so even though inej would probably be so angry at him for it, he immediately sells alina out to get the necklace/equivalent money back

this man is willing to damn a saint with absolutely zero hesitation for the woman he loves

#why yes i did just start rewatching s2 #they are so devoted to each other it makes me sick to my stomach #also seeing their faces makes me want to cry i miss them so much give me my show back netflix #six of crows #shadow and bone #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kanej #i didn’t put this very well but my brain isn’t working rn

[risariba]

this is very important

#dungeon meshi #marcille donato #falin touden #farcille #dungeon meshi spoilers #I originally drew Falin as Howl...well...because of the chimera form and because I'm a lesbian with a bird brain and Falin as Howl #is the most precious shiny thingy every bird will go after okay like the coat???and overall vibe....ah #but then I decided I want to draw more silly sketches with them in this au and I actually turned my brain on and like... Marcille #works as Howl too even more so than Falin(in some aspects!)Calcifer is obviously Winged Lion #Chilchuck will be Markl and idc!!!it's works #he is just a funny fellow #Sessil/Mithrun can be Witch of the Waste??I'm not sure I'm open to your suggestions...

[collophora]

Do yourself a favor and go read the entire fanfic work of @fanfoolishness

(In order: Under sun and shade, Blind Side, and Breathless (patching up is one of my fav too, I just had no cool sketch idea for it)

#star wars #star wars the bad batch #the bad batch fanart #tbb fanart #tbb fanfiction #dumping my “fanfic_doodles.clip” file here literally #sorry the style is messy #now I see them all Im like “ok it's all over the place zero/100 aesthetically pleasuring post” #hhhh its the thought that counts? #And tbh the point is just to convince you to read theses #because I'm like OBSSEEESSED with theses since you appeared in my notes #Every fic is gold #Me baiting my followers with pretty enough pictures to read fanfics #this being said I should really take the time to color properly my stuff #but I don't liiiiiiiiike it #there is tons of more talented artists if people want colored beautiful amazing art #me I can't really make my “”“spontaneous”“” “”“doodles”“” pretty without trying hard and at the end it's meh #They're so flat too #yesterday I was like “oh my scenes are becoming less flat I improved maybe” #Then I scrolled on my storyboard insta and was like #yeah sure no #I'm still faaaaaar away from the industry standards #I studied like at three arts school and I'm still bad at drawing TAT #why is my brain not working v_v #look brain I'm showing you nice pictures learn from them #brain: no Im gonna overfixate on this left hand here and only this #anyway

[westwing19]

Meta Knight babysits (click for easier reading)

A pile of silly panels about this concept that I've been wanting to draw more stuff for for a while now :)

#kirby #kirby right back at ya #hoshi no kaabii #meta knight #sword knight #blade knight #fumu #finally drew these up they've been sitting in my sketchbook for almost three months #every time I wanted to work on all these my brain (understandably) went 'haha no' #still just wish we got an ep of these two doing things together :') #meart #longpost

[jiiyawns]

yeah im normal. im very normal. so normal. shadow prime amirite guys

i like this one the most so close up (ironically, this is the color palette i was the most scared to deal with bc i don't usually use greens)

#sonic #shadow the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog #sth #sonic prime #he's such a bastard and for what #smug bitch. he's literally 3 feet tall. im going to push him off the ark again #i think i like. i had a whole plan on how to do the bottom rectangle/i literally drew it first. but. #i think if i lineart something seriously. i lose the ability to color it the way i was planning. or something #visualized it completely and then just like it evaporated i don't know where the fuck the thought went it's gone??? #so now i think that coloring fucking sucks ass actually but i don't want to work on it any longer bc im like shaking my brain #and ic an't find the original THOUGHTS i HAD where did it GO i was COOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways. hi #fanart #draw

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Ok but perv virgin loser bsf gyu who keeps complaining to you about how he needs to fuck someone, whining about how no woman would give him a chance and he knows he'd fuck them so good if they just let him. Sick of his bitching, you decide to let him use your body to get off as a one time thing.

He doesn't even hesitate before he agrees leaping on you like he is going to devour you. He's so pathetic at first, whinpering and moaning with every slight touch. It's no surprise to you when he fixates on your tits, practically burying his face in them as he suckles on your nipples and fingers your pussy roughly.

But when he takes out his cock and you see how big he is, you start having secone thoughts. But gyu won't let you back down now, begging you to just let him put it in once, just to feel what a pussy feels like.

You reluctantly agree, letting him slide his fat dick into your poor pussy, bearing the stretch knowing it will be over soon.

Sike, gyu is entranced. He can’t stop his hips from bucking, or that's what he says anyway, babbling about how good you feel and what a good friend you are and thank you thank you thank you.

But that soon changes after his first orgasm. Yes, first, as he promptly flips you over, face in the pillows and ass up as he fucks you again, telling you how he always wanted to try doggy.

With every round he goes, your body becomes more and more gooey while gyu gets more and more confident until soon enough he's purring about what a good cumdump you are and "are you gonna be a good slut and let me use you whenever I want? Gonna be only for me to use and stop whoring your body out to random men?"

And fuck you can do nothing but lay there boneless and let him fuck his cum back inside you again and again as he takes you every which way and talks to you like his own personal fuckdoll.

#txt smut #yeah i need to write this #just wanted to post this before I forget the idea lmao #me; i have to sleep early to be rested for work #my brain: what if perv disgusting bsf gyu #mort talks #can you believe this started as sub gyu