#I live in a deeply uncool place

[thresholdbb]

This guy I've known for decades just casually dropped that he met Rene Auberjonois at the post office once

#I love the random quotidian encounter #I live in a deeply uncool place #ok we have one avenger but that's it #but like only kinda

[anastasia-belskaya]

This is the process of dedicating this drawing

The process of drawing in my life causes an inordinate amount of SHAME. And I would like to release the tension from this issue, to finally shine purely with my soul in this world.

In my Academy of Art we were taught that an artist is someone who draws everything from scratch. Who knows how to take a white sheet, a pencil and create something. It was considered uncool if you somehow shortened the process, sketched something, used a reference. And so when I started looking for tools to simplify my life for the joy of drawing - it caused me a HUGE shame.

Taking references, photos, screenshots, drawing on a computer or tablet (digital art) - it made me ashamed that I dare to call myself an artist after that. And I started to hide and be ashamed of myself, of my approach to drawing. And just shy to show my drawings. Because deep down I believed that only the person who took a pencil in his hands, paints, and created everything from scratch himself deserves to be called an artist. From his head. If he used any non-natural material (a photo was not a natural material, a person had to pose for you live), then accordingly this person was an amateur.

But years later I began to realise the rottenness of the system. A lot of people measure their skills in drawing in the form of the ability to draw a straight line, but do not create anything bright beautiful and feel deeply unhappy. And then they create schools and start to kill young artists instead of teaching them, so that they, God forbid, do not become better than them. Do not take their place.

Because it's just painful for all these people to be themselves.

So at some point I came to the thought, and to whom do I prove that I can draw people in different angles, can reproduce an object from memory and so on…. who is it for? For myself, I'm not interested. For myself - I have an idea in mind, I create it. I take my screenshot from a film, a game, a cartoon, my photograph and create my painting. I've long pretended to be a classical artist who paints from scratch, but I like photobashing, I like reworking my photos and spooning them on top. I like to make fanart from my portraits with my favourite characters from TV series, movies, cartoons, anime.

It's hard for me to stop pretending because pretending like this is how I got my Master's love. I just wanted him to love me. I wanted to be "good." But now I just want to be myself and show who I am, even though I'm still terribly ashamed of it.

#self care #writer #digital artist #aloy horizon #horizon zero dawn #horizon games #horizon fanart #horizon #writers on tumblr #horizon forbidden west #hfw aloy

[starryswitchy]

✨ if BTS were the bridge crew of a Star Trek ship ✨

I have spent an absolutely u n h i n g e d amount of time on this

setting this in the 2370s, on a Lotus Flower class starship (bc how could I not?) with an exploration mission LET'S GO

Captain Kim Namjoon (obviously). A Bajoran, deeply philosophical & anti-imperialist. Top of his Academy class, just made Captain. USS Bangtan is his pride & joy, but his real devotion is to his crew, especially his 7-man bridge crew. His typical uncool Captain hobby (they all have one) is reciting poetry.

XO Commander Jung Hoseok, 2nd in command. Human, curious & deceptively hardy. Joon's details guy. Runs the crew with an effective combination of terrifying strictness & genuine love. Might close his eyes & hold on tight during ship maneuvers, don't call attention to it. Idolised by the junior bridge crew.

Chief Engineer Min Yoongi. Human, but raised Caitian (his parents were Federation citizens living on Cait, he went to Caitian nursery and school, had all Caitian friends and babysitters). People find him impossible to read; this is partly by his design & partly bc his body language is literally catlike. Genius engineer who secretly loves being relied on for miracles, but complains constantly. Very protective. The earpiece is so he can listen to music while he works; you know things are really fucking serious if he takes it out.

Chief Medical Officer Lt. Commander Kim Seokjin. His job consists of saving lives and yelling at people for being excessively heroic. The only one who can overrule Joon, if medically necessary. Enjoys spending time on the bridge making unhelpful jokes. Has ALL the best holosuite programmes. Told half the ship that the old-fashioned glasses are just for show because he likes the vintage aesthetic and the other half that they've got state-of-the-art micro-scanners for instant diagnostic information relay. Actually he's short-sighted but doesn't want to tell his patients he hasn't gotten around to getting that fixed yet.

Chief Comms Officer Lieutenant Park Jimin. Human-Betazoid, with empathetic psychic abilities. The ship's literal mood-maker. Adores his job, which he sees as "getting the whole galaxy to like him". Absolutely fantastic at first contact. Inseparable from Tae; they were the only two half-humans in their Academy class. Jimin had a harder time at school, despite not standing out so much visibly, and has absolutely flourished now he's found his place.

Chief Tactical Officer Lieutenant Kim Taehyung. Human-Orion & more than willing to use anti-Orion prejudices to manipulate situations. He plays up his sexy, sultry, vague persona, but his crew knows he's exceptionally hard to deceive or outmanoeuvre. Deadly loyal, especially to Jimin. Has a reputation for bending the rules, but it's hard to argue with his results.

Helmsperson Ensign Jeon Jungkook. Vulcan, very physically strong, mildly confused by everyone. Ace pilot, set Academy records in piloting & martial arts. It's his first day on the job, first ship, first crew, & he's so determined to impress his hyungs he's kinda scaring them!

#bts fanart #bts fanfic #bts #bts AU #TrekTan #Star Trek AU #serious I spent so long on this #like a really really ridiculous amount of time #but I love these images #and hey I'm on holidays #what are holidays for if not for creating weird BTS AUs

[lemonhemlock]

So I was the anon who sent the ask about modern sensibilities and refusal to engage in the time frame and thanks so much for answering. You hit the nail on the head with this social justice warrior who refuses to engage with historicity typology, which seems to make up a majority of the fandom. This trend, and HOTD is a perfect example of this, of historical media nowadays throwing all historicity out the window to Girl Bossify and attempt to appeal to modern sensibilities is deeply annoying.

First, they take the deep religiosity including concepts of sacred oaths, duty, sacrifice, etc. of the medieval period and completely strip it away because writers are deeply cynical when it comes to religion and need to attract the Champagne Agnostics/Atheists who have a deep contempt for anything religious as being Boring and Uncool (and I say this as someone who has never been particularly religious lol, but as a student of history understands how important the concepts of religion, God, faith, oaths, duty, sacrifice, etc. were during the medieval ages). Arguably, the most important aspects of both nobles and peasants' lives during these times were their deep faith in God and devotion to their faith. Not including this religiosity in medieval dramas completely negates a lot of plot and character motivations.

Second, you have deeply ahistorical plot points that are used in a very manipulative way. I feel like now in every period drama I see you have a willful princess aka a Rhae/nyra type that gets placed in an arranged betrothal or marriage and we inevitably get a scene where she's shocked and outraged over marrying a man she doesn't know/love and being used as a BroODmArE (writers loveee this word lol) and I'm just always like ???? Are you knew? These girls have been surrounded by nothing but arranged matches from their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, etc. for their entire lives? They 100 percent expected to be marrying a man for the realm not out of love? They also saw bearing children to further their line and unite the two families as a sacred duty and a good thing? Like?? it's just so eye rollingly ahistorical I can't. I'm not saying that there have never been cases where women were violently against their arranged marriage for whatever reason. But, by and large, they did their duty and gladly, at least in public no matter their personal opinions. Yet, because of how this is framed in story the social justice media illiterate type act like these literal one percent privileged noble princesses are the most Oppressed People Ever? These literal royals have one fucking duty and that is to make a marriage that stabilizes the realm so smallfolk don't have to go fight and die in unnecessary succession wars while getting waited on hand and foot as peasants are working the field for 15 hours per day, and I'm supposed to feel bad because the Precious Princess didn't get her First Choice husband?? Are these writer's serious? It's so deeply unserious and and the history illiterate fandom eats it up.

Thanks for coming back, anon. 💖 I think there is space to critique aspects of medieval society, even if we're talking about elements chosen particularly because they are egregious to the modern eye, like arranged marriage and blind devotion to God that leads to intolerance and Church abuses etc. But most of it is done in a trite, superficial, redundant way and the critiques are in the same registry.

I agree about the topic of arranged marriage being discussed in the context of a pampered princess that is always so shocked that she has to marry for political reasons and throws a tantrum worded in a way that sounds vaguely human-rights-ish or feminist to our ears. In the case of Rhaenyra, she actually IS offered the chance to marry for love, but even that she considers a chore and squanders it. On the opposite end, I really enjoyed the movie Catherine Called Birdy because it took this trope and did something different with it, both highlighting the inherent unfairness of this practice and being refreshingly honest and human.

Ultimately, I feel like the framing is stale in many medieval or fantasy productions, with talking points that we've already seen a hundred times before. Film-makers feel the need to over-correct for the sins of the past when female characters were often sidelined, but they understand strength and character development in having them trample over everyone else instead. Rhaenyra repeatedly breaks the law, makes destabilizing political decisions and shows little interest for learning how to actually do her job, i.e. governing, but we're supposed to cheer for her because she is living her best life and is a bad bitch, so anyone who opposes her must be a shill for the patriarchy. Similarly, the framing of religious people is nuts and I say this as a staunch atheist.

#ask #anon #anti hotd fandom #hotd critical [storytelling]

[mystxmomo]

Re: the importance of Dave getting to be brothers with Dirk

I see a lot of fics dig into the Angst Factor of trying to befriend/be family with a living reminder of the guy who made your childhood hell, and the unease Dave would experience anytime Dirk displayed any characteristics that were similar to Bro. And like, that perspective does definitely make sense, but I also think there’s an additional layer where getting to see Dirk’s similarities to Bro is actually healing in a way?

Because Dirk is so deeply ridiculous and uncool, and I think having some of Bro’s traits reframed in that context would really help chip away at any of Dave’s lingering childhood idolization of him—without having to turn to flat-out demonizing a guy who, as you mentioned, Dave absolutely at his core can’t actually hate as much as he thinks he should.

And as much as he might have unpacked it on the meteor, “Bro is cool” was one of the foundational axioms for most of Dave’s life, and some honest to god evidence to the contrary would be a thing to behold. Like, Dirk takes his gloves off, and Dave gets to realize that Bro must have had those stupid looking tan lines too.

Dave, watching Dirk (who has only had three hours of sleep in the last week) accidentally soldering his own hand because he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing and only react with the soft, dissociative: "... Oh. Cool.": "Jesus Fucking Christ."

Dave, watching Dirk jump up with a sword because Karkat yelled a bit too loudly from the other room and he got startled so his reaction was "okay sword": "Jesus fucking Christ."

Dave watching Dirk 404 in the grocery store because the dude forgot his orange juice and just realized it and is looking down at his cart like it was the reason he forgot his orange juice, and for it's carnal sin of messing with his plans it must melt in place: "Alright. Dude come on now."

Yeah no you're absolutely right. Dirk Strider is like a hotspot of neurosis, with a head so messy it makes the goddamn DSM look like a check list. He's such a ridiculous fucking person it's unreal.

Here's something contriversal, and perhaps even brave I'll bring up. Apologies ahead of time I have a lot of thoughts on the complexities of how abuse is handled in fiction so you're getting me in my zone.

Even in au's where there's only bro. No Dirk, no game, Dave grew up in Bro's care and has to come to terms with the circumstances of his home life? He needs to come to terms with the fact that Bro is, just, absolutely fucking ridiculous. Just, as a person. Who likes puppets that much? Bro works in the puppet porn sex industry. He centered the entirety of his abuse around the movie Saw and left deranged muppet babies comics around the house for Dave to find. Dave needs to, in any reality, have that moment where he realizes that bro isn't this larger than life hero, and he isn't the be all end all of evil. He's just a horribly fucked up person who did horrible things. Because the grandiose is harder to come to terms with then the humane.

Another mistake I think a lot of people make when writing for abuse, with as tempting as it is to do if you haven't experienced it yourself, is make it so that literally every experience Dave had with Bro is bad. Familial abuse is ridiculously fucking complex like that, and would just add to the mixed feelings Dave would have about bro. We know bro canonically kept up with Dave's comics, and taught him how to work turntables. I think it's absolutely crucial when writing for the Strider brothers to give those moments in there, and not taint them with some looming dread. Having these moments doesn't negate the fact that abuse happened, and only adds to the complexity of the situation.

I think the final thing I'll add is?? I think, bro did genuinely care about Dave. Perhaps even love him. And I don't think there's a catch to that. I think that love and abuse are not mutually exclusive. People, parents especially, can and do often hurt the ones they love in an attempt to "better" them. There's an argument to be had about whether or not that they actually love you, or the idea of you, but it's love nonetheless. And I think THAT would fuck Dave up. Because I think, despite (and perhaps even because of) the way he was raised, his idea of love ends up being incredibly gentle. He's such.. a natural pacifist, who cares so strongly. The fact that someone can love, and hurt the ones they love, would fuck with him. Let alone the fact that it happened to him.

#dave strider #bro strider #homestuck #abuse #uhhh yeah writing for complex relationships is my forte i dont think if ive ever mentioned that to the homestucks but i have many thoughts

[a-god-in-ruins-rises]

What's your ideal solution for increasing birth rates?

yeah there are a variety of ways to attack it

offer increased tax breaks for children. alternatively, punish childlessness with additional taxes. "childfree" types always be talking about all the money they save so they can travel and do fun things. well, i want to see them cry when a portion of that money is taxed to subsidize /families/ travelling and doing fun things. a new type of family planning -- an organization where parents (or prospective parents) can go to find a variety of resources to help them in their creation of a family. also i think artificial incubator technology would be a major help so that's something that should be invested in.

build more houses and walkable, safer, close-knit communities; we need people out and about, moving around, being active, mingling with other humans, making connections, stay healthy, etc. reduce the workweek so parents can spend more time with their families. and encourage more flexible work-from-home options. universal basic income (with extra for each dependent). more affordable childcare. generous maternity leave. give parents bonus bay. also, not sure how it would be done, but i feel like there should be some more accessible housekeeping options; either some public housekeeping corps, or a community volunteer initiative, or the government offering some voucher for housekeeping, etc. just something to help parents with household maintenance.

we also need to get people fucking and getting married. young people are living with parents later into life than previous generations. so they need places to fuck. we should build love hotels. we need to incentivize marriage. tax breaks for married couples, government loans for weddings, some kind of family recreation department that organizes and subsidizes couples' honeymoons, offer interest-free loans for first time home buyers. offer a family loan/voucher for newlyweds worth some portion of their annual income and have a quarter of the loan forgiven for each child they have.

but underneath all of this, the core of the issue is cultural and social and spiritual. we need to completely shift away from this current hedonistic, atomistic liberal paradigm toward one that is more wholesome and family/community oriented. one where instant personal gratification isn't the goal. where we acknowledge that parenting can be hard sometimes but it's rewarding on a deeper level and we shouldn't avoid things just because they're difficult. we need to starting thinking about something bigger than just ourselves. we need to make antinatalists and childfree types look miserable and lame (this isn't hard to do). it needs to be seen as uncool (and degenerate) to be an adult child who lives only for themselves. and being a parent needs to be seen as something noble and good and fulfilling.

this would be incorporated in the education system, explicitly. as part of the sex ed and family life classes, for example. we should be giving mothers who have multiple children medals and parades and financial awards. we need to make a holiday in the summer that celebrates the family. make it a three day weekend thing. you know how the pentagon funds war movies? we need to do the same with families. have the government fund movies that are centered around strong families and having children and getting married and that sort of stuff. have government agents spread breeding kink propaganda online (i'm only /half/-joking).

overall we just need to shift to a more optimistic perspective. i think people have more kids when they are optimistic about the future. but i find a lot of antinatalist types are deeply pessimistic about the future and just humanity in general. "why would i ever want to bring more life into this horrible shitty world??" is a common sentiment i see. so i think there needs to be a massive optimistic propaganda campaign. and we just need to get people healthier in mind, body, and spirit. we need to make therapy/counselling more accessible, we need state-mandated gym time (half-joke), and spiritual renewal.

which reminds me: the ultimate solution is to join my cult.

#i could probably keep going but i think this covers the gist of it

[feysandfeels]

Okay fair enough! I agree that Sarah’s juxtaposition of an abusive vs a healthy relationship is top notch. I was completely mind blown to realize that tamlin wasn’t meant to be the main love interest. And rhysands confession of love, him telling the whole story from his POV when they’re in the cabin just makes me cry every time. I definitely do love a lot of aspects of her writing.

I gotta ask you about one more thing tho: I felt like in the novellas both rhysands and feyres characters got kinda butchered. I think it was completely out of character for them to want a child so soon and to move to a bigger palace. Also rhysands lying about the risk of feyres pregnancy and his treatment of nesta (who did the only right thing imo) was extremely out of character and definitely abusive. I sincerely hope this isn’t swiped under the rug but i think I’ll be disappointed since the characters seem to be ok with all of it. What do you think about the whole thing?

Oh boy ACOFAS is just *high pitched mmmm*. It's just another Christmas Special and unless you are Downton Abbey Christmas Specials are rarely the highlight of the show. Like I love it for the vibes and Mor is terrible at presents and Rhysand just got her a house and Cassian and Feyre got drunk decorating and look at me painting. It was literally for the xmas vibes and the hot chocolate. And well if you have the means to buy a bigger house and you want the bigger house and it suits your needs, why not buy the bigger house you know? Although I deeply loved the town house.

The only thing I really disliked of ACOSF was how Feyre mocked Lucien's friends. Baby that was uncool.

Regarding the pregnancy thing that is the one aspect about Feysand's story that I am still oscillating. On the one hand the whole novella Feyre is talking to this woman who just lost her husband and I think that, paired with her loosing Rhys and the repercussions of the war make her change her stance on motherhood. So that makes sense, the change of mentality from that moment in MAF when she says she does not want kids now to FAS when she says she's open to start trying is completely mapped and coherent with Feyre. Rhys always wanted babies if she was down for it. When you experience so much loss and you get reminded of that trauma, it does not seem out of place to not take anything for granted and start exploring options now rather than wait for a "later" that will never come.

On the other hand I am extrapolating my current situation to this character and that makes me feel is too soon and she is too young. Like I am taking her situation out of her fantasy context it is in, and the very specific social and historical context these stories take place in and then applying it to my own 21st non fantasy one and that makes me say HONEY NO YOU ARE TOO YOUNG.

My indisposition towards Feyre's motherhood comes also from this deep rooted patriarchal view of motherhood that I am still untangling from that conveys motherhood as the moment the life of the woman shifts completely and everything becomes *her kid*. In other words, the woman who was before ceases to exist only to become a mother, her plans, her dreams, her hopes get put on hold for the sake of the child. I am tired of the discourse that one stops being oneself only to become the mother of someone else. While I know that even though becoming a mother those demand a big adjustment in anyone's life I feel people demand more adjustment from the woman than the man. I have talked about this to some of my friends who already have kids and they constantly tell me that despite the big adjustment they still feel they are living their lives and having aspirations that are just their own (and working towards those). My fear of motherhood comes from not knowing how one could effectively balance ones own ambitions and taking care of the baby.

This fear that they use this archaical notion of motherhood when writing Feyre's mothering journey is what makes me nervous of it. I understand that Feyre as the main main character is done, she will become a supporting role in the next stories and I am okay with that, but I do not want that on top of that they are sidelining her further because #SomeoneHasToStayHomeAndTakeCareOfNyx. I don't want the main battle happening against Koshei or the asteri or whoever is the big baddie, and everyone and their mothers are there but Feyre isn't because she had to stay behind for Nyx. This is my fear with this narrative.

Admittedly this is something I did not enjoy in ACOSF, that for the most part, what I got to know of my baby's journey was through Rhys. I was like I love you Rhys but if we could spend some of your page time with Feyre instead that would be amazing. I felt that kind of shifted towards the end of the book so all good.

Now, in regards to the way Rhysand behaved in ACOSF. Do I support it? No. Do I understand it? Yes, I kind of do. I like to explain his behavior as a "his logic was off but his heart was in the right place". Initially, I was quite mad at him, but him keeping this secret seemed more out of desperation, fear, frustration and guilt with the awfulness of it than with him wanting to control Feyre. He reverted to his "I will carry every burden because I do not want to ruin life for anyone else" attitude out of fear, but I think we can all tell that he was mortified and wanted to tell her as soon as he found the solution. He wanted to present her a solution and not a death sentence.

Talking with said friends who are mothers now, some of them were like "no actually I would prefer not knowing and if my partner knows and doesn't tell me because he hasn't found a solution, I prefer it that way" because they wouldn't want to ruin or be in perpetual fear throughout their pregnancy. That helped me see his actions in a more forgiving light.

It made me mad towards him however that he told everyone but Feyre, like even Helion knew... and that was a big no. It's just tactless. The same goes for everyone in the IC. Besties be better and call Rhysand out or go tell her.

I also do not think this will be swiped under the rug. Here I think is the connect the dots thing I mentioned. With sjm not everything happens visible on page but that doesn't mean it is not happening, which to me breathes live into the story. We know how Feyre is we know how she will feel about this... we know she whooped Rhys' ass for doing this and I wouldn't be surprised if he slept on the couch for some nights after. I do not need to see this on page because from the knowledge sjm has given me of her characters I know it happened. I would have loved to see it on page because I love drama. I'm still hopping blondie will release those Feysand chapters she had to cut out of ACOSF. You bet the fight is in those babies.

Nesta telling Feyre was not correct imo because she told her to hurt her because up until that moment she had been perfectly content keeping this secret from her. It was only when she knew she could hurt Feyre as she was hurting that she told her. Personally this nullifies whatever good Nesta's actions might have had. Had she told her before she got mad or as soon as she found out I would have been like "yes Nesta you did excellent my darling".

Finally, regarding Nesta-Rhys, I think Rhys made it perfectly clear on previous books why he wasn't vibing with Nesta so it did not seem out of character the way he treated her in ACOSF. I am glad he is making an effort now. But this goes both ways, Nesta also disliked Rhys and thus the Rhys we were presented in her book was not the Rhys we see from Feyre's perspective who is his mate. Nesta was not going to spend five pages going on how his sass made his eyes deepened with desire and skin glows brighter because of the magnificent intelligent compassionate creature he is. Nesta was going to be like "mmmmm cool leader, not even half as awesome as he thinks he is in person".

The way why these two did not vibe is an interesting one that speaks of their similarities and how they might see certain aspects of themselves that they do not find that amenable in the other one. It could also be a case of they are too similar so they will clash.... like my parents were hahahaha but yeah, I love when the discussion between their relationship dwells into that and not the "well he was mean" and the "well she was a bitch" one. Both had moments where they treated the other poorly, but it should go beyond that when talking about them because when you boil it down they do have many things in common that are presented differently but at their core are the same.

#FeysandfeelsAsks #Feyre Archeron #Rhysand #Feysand #Nesta Archeron #ACOSF #ACOFAS

[impish-crow]

[TRANSLATION] TOYA BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION SHORT STORY(SS)🎉🎂

“Hey, nii-chan. What do you think of this?”

He handed me a tablet from the side.

I looked at the musical score that filled the screen and involuntarily frowned. Even after the short period of living together was over and he found a new place, my little brother without returning the house key, appeared unpredictably.

“Eh, is something wrong?” “I haven’t said anything yet.” “But—” “Listen to what people have to say first. Don’t just say what you want to say.”

I snapped at him and he obediently said “okay” and rolled on the sofa.

(He’s good at answering, as always)

I sighed softly and looked down at my hand again.

――Can I arrange music too?

He had said that while bringing the sheet music just the other day.

"You can do it if you try, t's you, after all." That’s how I answered curtly. I didn’t say it casually. It was the opposite.

(I knew it would turn out like this)

He’s still at the level of imitating. The model is probably a fragment of the song I made. There’s no end to the things that are lacking, but what he wants to express is clear.

The plot is not bad at all. There are some things that catch my eye, mixed in with the clumsiness.

(If he tries, he'll improve.)

The logic is visible, and it's exciting.

(That's why it's troublesome.)

It was the same when I taught him bass.

"What's the intention here?"

As I played the role of a teacher, poking at the sheet music, Mitsuru happily jumped up from the sofa, leaning forward.

"There, if I do it like this, it might look cool." "No one creates thinking it's uncool." "Did you say that to your client?" "Ah… right. I have to explain properly…" "But, it's difficult to express it in words.."

He said weakly and once again flopped onto the sofa.

(He does remember what I said, at least.)

I couldn't help but smile wryly.

—You should learn to explain yourself better–to make others understand what you think and feel, even a little bit.

When he was little, he used to hide behind me. A bit shy, a crybaby, and yet, sincere and kind. When he gets into something, he puts in more effort than anyone.

(I know Mitsuru's good points better than anyone.)

Because we've been together more than anyone.

(Let others know more about your good points.)

So you can be loved more than anyone.

(…That's why.)

I hated myself more than anyone, for not being able to look straight at my little brother, who I understood more than anyone.

“Nii-chan.” “…What?” “Can I use this as my homework for next time?” “Sure. It’s not like there’s a deadline.”

It was a small piece that I gave him to practice, because he said he wanted to.

“Thanks, nii-chan. Then I’ll go home soon.” “Are you going to work?” “No. I’m going to Hibari’s house.” “Don’t bother Hibari-kun too much.” “Okay. I’ll be careful. And this.”

Mitsuru opened the large mouth of the backpack he carried and pulled out an equally large plastic bag. "I brought various things," he said, arranging the contents.

"Nii-chan, you like clothes with high necks, right? The other day, I went to a good store with Hibari, and we looked for something with a nice texture and warmth. The rice, miso, Shine Muscat, and shichimi togarashi are from me and Mom. I heard nii-chan like champagne, so I consulted with Akane to choose one. And then…"

"Hold on, what is this exactly?" "It's nii-chan birthday present." "Not that."

I certainly remembered my own birthday.

If I was told someone was coming over to my place on the day, I was prepared for some embarrassment.

"But there's so many." "It's not a lot, it's five years' worth since it's been five years. This is from last year. This one's from the year before, and that one's from the year before that." "You…" "And this is a bass strap that I couldn't give it to nii-chan before."

The package handed over had more worn-out wrapping paper than the others.

(That's just like him.)

Honest and kind. Even though he doesn't say things clearly, he's deeply affectionate. On top of that,

"I wanted to celebrate nii-chan's birthday even for the times we weren't together. I thought a lot about Nii-chan."

He throws what he thinks with all his might. It's so awkward, and I wants to escape from this situation. (Darn it, I messed up.)

I never expected that the lectures I once confidently give to him, pretending to be older, would come back to me in such a form.

"And… " "Stop, it's enough." "No, it's not good. I still have some left for this year." "I really said it's enough."

Just as he was about to continue, conveniently, the doorbell rang.

Seizing the opportunity, I rushed to the intercom, and from the speaker, a voice exclaimed, "We're here, open up, Toya!" While on the monitor, the faces of the familiar band members appeared.

"What are you guys doing here?" "I invited them, nii-chan. Nii-chan had never had a birthday party with friends at home, right?"

With that said, Mitsuru, who was behind me, put on the nearly empty backpack and said, "Well then, see you later. Nii-chan, happy birthday!" He smiled, disappearing from the entrance with joyful steps.

Oh, come on.

"You… that's the problem!"

#digrock #dig-rock #hound roar #translation #shibasaki hibari #hayama toya #hayama touya #Hayama mitsuru #short story

[daysofourlivesrecaps]

Friday, 7 July 2023

I left out an important detail in yesterday’s recap! When Kate and EJ barged in to Megan’s hospital room to confront her, Megan wasn’t actually there! Instead, they found Gabi handcuffed to the bed in her place!

This, I assume, will be described as Megan “getting the better of her,” because that’s what that one pubescent cop said when this exact thing happened to him in Colin’s room some weeks ago.

But we’ll come back to this thread because it’s a fun one and I like to get the boring ones out of the way first.

Why, here’s Roman! He’s visiting the waterfront shrine to his old pal Mayor Abraham Carver and having a good cry about it.

Well, having a cry about it anyway. In this cast of 30-50 feral hogs characters, Roman remains one of the very few who hasn’t left any kind of impression on me. After two years of Days (one year since I started plus one year of backtracking), this is how it breaks down for me:

I’m impressed that they gave you a crying scene, buddy — that’s soap gold. But you’re gonna have to work a lot harder than this to get yourself out of the yellow. Chloe managed it, so I know it’s possible!

Kristen confronts Leo because… well, because she came home. To her home. Where she lives. And he was there, uninvited, trying to break open a locked drawer. Kristen’s done a lot of shady things, but I don’t think she has to explain herself here!

Leo, in true Leo fashion, tries to dick joke his way out of the situation. (This is why he occupies a permanent spot in the purple pie piece.) This doesn’t work. Because it never does. But he does remind her that he was the one who freed her from the Secret Room He Still Unaccountably Has Access To recently, and also that Gwen is her friend and maybe she’d be interested in helping him out on his quest to prove that Dimitri is up to no good in regards to his intentions with Gwen?

Kristen vaguely agrees, but also doesn’t give him any specific dirt. So Leo agrees to leave and pulls the old “close the front door, assuming the person won’t actually look to see if you’ ve really left” trick — WHICH ACTUALLY WORKS — and then heads upstairs for more snooping.

We will also come back to this one a little later.

Speaking of Gwen, she’s still said yes to Dimitri’s proposal.

So naturally they have a celebratory bone about it.

And Dimitri somehow manages to spin “to inherit my ill-defined European family fortune, I need to get married before I turn 40” (which happens to be at the end of this very month!) into “I set a goal for myself to get married before I turn 40 and it’s very important that I follow through with that.” Which is actually pretty smooth! And it works! Gwen agrees to go through with the incredibly hasty wedding, which will absolutely not end in complete disaster like her last one did!

Speaking of disastrous marriages, Belle meets Shawn for lunch at the pub, and shames him for having a beer with his lunch.

And look, I know we’re doing this whole “Shawn is sliding into alcoholism” thing but even I, a non-drinker, know that it’s no big deal to have one beer with a meal.

Unless you happen to be a cop who happens to be on duty. Which he is, and he is. So… uh… yeah, okay Belle. I retract my criticism. That is deeply uncool.

Back at the Abe Shrine (note to Bob: it’s “Abe,” not “Abe”), Nicole pays her respects. And runs into Eric. In case you thought what I said the other day about Nicole never being able to go anywhere in this town without running into Eric was a joke. You really need to learn to take me more seriously!

Back at the hospital, Gabi explains that Megan escaped with the help of Dr. Rolf.

And she actually says the line!

Much in the same way that the most deadly item in this fictional world is a metal hospital tray (it hasn’t come up since I started recapping, but trust me on this one), the best way to get unhandcuffed from a hospital bed is to “get the better of someone” entirely offscreen. This is all extremely useful information for anyone who might find themselves waking up inside this soap like John Candy did in that movie where that happened.

Then Salem PD sends Shawn over to set Gabi free. And Shawn yells at her for allowing Megan — who’s still very much after his comatose dad — to escape.

And… okay, Shawn. I get that you’re concerned for your father. But you’re still the reason he��s in that coma and projecting your anger on Gabi because Megan got the better of her isn’t helping anyone.

Shawn rushes down to the docks to see if he can spot the submarine that she and Dr. Rolf have been traveling in. And I know we all assumed that if the show mentioned a submarine that they would definitely pay for and show us a submarine but… weirdly, there’s none to be seen!

So Shawn has a drink about it. I’m starting to think this poor fellow may have a problem.

Dimitri returns home to find Leo rifling through the stuff in his room.

And after sizing up his options, determines that his best course of action is to seduce Leo. No, seriously.

This is not a drill. We have boys kissing. Repeat: we have boys kissing.

#days of our lives #dool #peacock #soap opera

[creamypudding]

Getting Fit

I have a few passions in life: plants, animals, making my favourite fictional boys kiss, and exercise. 

The last one I’ve had a very on and off relationship with and this post is about my rediscovery of the passion for it.

I was a very typical teenage girl to whom sports was very uncool and I did it only because I had to as part of the school curriculum. I was never very good at anything in particular, except for running. I made it through to a regional cross country race once, though that didn’t eventuate in anything significant. Despite being good at running I didn’t care to pursue it and I didn’t gravitate toward anything else, so once I finished school my relationship with physical activity ended.

In my mid 20′s I connected with it in a big way. I had health issues caused by my weight and I was sick of taking medicine to manage it. I was convinced that losing weight would help me, even though (and I remember this vividly) my health professional scoffed when I told her I was coming off the meds and that I was going to get fit. Needless to say, I didn’t go back to her.

Anyway, back then I was blessed to live in a gorgeous place with ample nature so I went trail running. Though it was mostly walking interspersed with jogging. I did it almost every day for a solid two months during summer break. I reconnected with my enjoyment of running and I had goals to be able to run the full 7km (4.3miles) without stopping. I enjoyed lasting longer, needing to take fewer walking breaks, and cutting down the time it took. I did manage to reach my goal eventually. I also branched out to going to a gym and doing fitness classes which I really enjoyed. I got into a lot of weight training and managed to lose 14kg (30lb) over the course of a year.

I was happy. My body liked me for having shed the weight. I engaged in several obstacle courses over the years, and I wasn’t too fussed with what I ate because I kept up the exercise.

But then life changed. I moved away from my nature track and further away from the gym I liked. I was walking more to and from work but it wasn’t the same. Weight slowly crept up but it wasn’t a concern for me. I was still fit and in the range I deemed acceptable.

Then I got pregnant, which was a very deliberate choice. Inevitably I got heavier but it didn’t bother me because I was still active and I knew that weight wasn’t mine. Birth was the fastest weight loss I ever experienced 😂 and breast feeding helped lose the extra kilos.

Having to look after a small human left me with no time or energy for myself and over the past 5 years I’ve had several weight loss attempts that fell through. I tried going to a gym that was closer to me, but it was still far enough away to be a hassle and I didn’t connect with any of the classes or activities I tried.

I attempted to go running around my local area as there were parks but it was along busy roads and the vibe was never the same as running through nature along a river. COVID also happened, which gave me a bit more time to exercise, but as I started to get into some kind of routine I lost my job, got depressed, and moved house again.

This time it was even further away from a gym, though I now live in a nicer, less busy area, and there are walking and bike tracks. Yet I just haven’t had the courage or fortitude to go out and find a running route yet.

I did purchase a treadmill and started using that, but it was dull and can’t compare to going for runs out in nature. 

I knew I needed to exercise though. I have kept an eye on my weight and have been watching it steadily and slowly creep up. I’m now heavier than I ever was and I started becoming deeply uncomfortable with that reality. Not enough to get myself into gear though.

I’ve started being plagued again with health issues and decided to finally see a doctor about it. We tried several things but the issues persisted and then he decided that I was probably due for a blood test to check everything out. Turns out everything is fine, but my cholesterol is elevated. Nothing to be concerned about for my age, but it’s something I need to get on top of because I’m not getting younger.

That’s been the motivation I evidently needed because it’s been the catalyst that’s helped me get back into fitness. I tried running on the treadmill and while it’s been ok I didn’t like it. I still haven’t gone out for a run, as it’s so hot and I feel self-conscious. But I have armed myself with a handful of apps that I can follow along with at home. I have committed to HIIT exercises because I can’t stand the idea of exercising for longer than 20 minutes and, frankly, I don’t have the time for anything longer in the mornings. I know myself well enough to know that if I don’t exercise first thing in the morning there is no way I’ll do it in the evening after work and after having put the spud to bed.

So this is my routine now. Get up before 6am, get my workout clothes on, sweat up a storm between 6 and 6:30, sort out the child, shower, breakfast, go to work.

I’m now on week 3 of this and have been steadily ramping up how many days I’m exercising. The first week I started on Monday. Friday I took off, and I also rested on Sunday. Week 2 Friday came around. I was fully prepared to chillax but a tiny voice inside said ‘fuck it, let’s do it’ and I did and felt great for it, and I basically exercised every day that week, though I did take it easy on Sunday and did stretching and yoga instead of HIIT.

I’m feeling better. Less lethargic, though come the late afternoon I’m ready for a nap 😅 A pair of shorts I had that’s been growing steadily tighter is loose again and requires me to wear a belt.

Mind you, it’s not all exercise. I’ve started counting calories again, which is what I used to do when I first started over a decade ago. I think calorie counting gets a bad rep. It’s been very good for me to see what I’m eating. I’m more mindful of my food choices now. I’ve sought out new recipes to try out and I’m finding that I can tell the difference between genuine hunger and emotional hunger. Once I recognise that I want to eat my feelings or use food to soothe I can work through it with distractions. And if it keeps lingering I remind myself of the end game: my goal weight, reducing the cholesterol levels, being healthy and fitter, having more energy for my child.

That really helps.

I’ll hopefully have reached my goal weight by August and I’ll be 12kg (26lb) lighter. 🤞

I’m really proud of myself for having found something that’s working for me. I had to step out of my perceived comfort zone and challenge what my own expectations of fitness looked like to try something new. I’m really enjoying it and I’m shocked that even when I wake up tired there isn’t this voice inside that says ‘I don’t want to do this’. It just says ‘let’s get this over and done with’. Knowing I only need to spend a maximum 20 minutes on suffering in the morning to get to where I want to be is amazing. Anyway, I just wanted to get these thoughts out. If anyone wants to also get fit and reach their own goals, hit me up. Having a social network to help motivate and be accountable to is important. I’ve been chatting to my BFF who is also wanting to get back into a fitness routine and we’ve been sharing resources. She put me onto the current app I’m using, so I’d love to extend that out to others who want to get fit but lack motivation. I’ve got a discord server, which is empty at present but if people are interested I can invite you and we can use that space.

My Discord handle is Cream Pudding#7945

#personal #fitness

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

perfect now - a close reading

only pure and true love for this one. it’s soft and sweet because the one he wrote it for is and needs cheesy uncool romcom soundtrack-worthy affirmations and it’s the most wonderful thing oh my the flurries 

some album booklet art for your viewing pleasure

((just a warning for below: while the lyric analysis was kept fairly neutral and close to the words and their meaning, more and more parallels did ensure me larrying out by the time the analysis kicked off so if you’re not into that, you can skip this one!))

⟼ check out @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s magnificent post with all the parallels to 1d/h&l bc it’s exhaustive and was a source for mine <3 thank you again for your service <3 bc this song really is a fanpiece of every song that has been important to them throughout their career so far, whether they wrote it or not, and it’s honestly kinda impressive

SUMMARY

you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway

lyric breakdown ft. the many parallels, incl. little things, through the dark and wmyb

what this says about louis, his partner and the relationship he is in

never gonna dance again frenzy

identity 

louis is a marvellous majestic sonofabitch basically <3

walls, track 10

～ little things “you still have to squeeze into your jeans, but you’re perfect to me”

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

later lyric: “like a neon sign” - i see through you trying to hide away your insecurities

I wish that you could see my point of view As someone staring back at you

“you” is also staring at him, but perhaps is too insecure to realise how mutual the adoration is

i wish i could get you out of your own negative spiral and give you a look at yourself from my perspective

～ wmyb “everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you” 

～ wmyb “right now i’m looking at you and i can’t believe you don’t know you’re beautiful”

～ little things “you never love yourself half as much as I love you, and you’ll never treat yourself right darling but I want you to. If I let you know, I’m here for you, maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you”

On Friday night when we’re all out I turn to you and you’re looking down And you don’t wanna dance I know you love to dance You never stop given half the chance

heavy echoes of kmm again, but the opposite: the “nightmare on the dance floor” doesn’t want to dance

when “you” is confident rlly not being subtle with who i think that is, they love to dance <-> tpwk “feeling good in my skin, i just keep on dancing”

“i know you love to dance” = i know what you love bc i love you

“given half the chance” 

～ tpwk “giving/given second chances”

given a chance tattoo, making another appearance (see below for more tattoo meltdowns)

Just keep your head up, love, keep your head up

term of endearment <3 

～ dlibyh

this album is full of encouragement to keep going and as much as it gives me life it ruins me 

Don’t hide away, don’t ever change

“be happy, proud”

～ “just hold on”

“pick someone who’s supportive”

Keep your head up, love, keep your head up Don’t look away, don’t look away

don’t look away from me

～ through the dark “and I can see your head is held in shame”

Cause everybody’s looking at you now, my, oh my

they have the stage to themselves / new career paths they’re doing on their own

could also mean ppl they’re going out with are looking at them, which “you” interprets as sth negative, which makes them self-conscious, while they’re actually admiring them bc they steal the scene

～ wmyb “you’re turning heads when you walk through the door”

I guess some queens don’t need a crown And I know why Even when your tears are falling down Still, somehow, you’re perfect now

“you” is royalty to louis, to put it simply 

they don’t need something on their head to make it known to everyone else - they’re a queen and everyone knows it

gendered: female - also used in drag contexts - the only time L has used any gendered word to identify his partner on the entire album (more on this below)

～ steal my girl "she's been my queen since we were sixteen" can't believe i forgot this one thank you @mortalenemiestolovers for reminding me!!!

～ falling

～ through the dark “you tell me that your tears are here to stay”

You never do, but if you asked me to I’ll tell the truth lying next to you

“you” never asks for affirmations directly, but by saying shit like their pants are too tight make it clear enough to L that they do need to hear once in a while that it’s not true

Cause you’re the only one when it’s said and done You make me feel like being someone 

Good to you even at your worst

～ always you

i love you so much you are a force of life to me, and even when you hate me i want more

～ drag me down “If I didn’t have you there would be nothing left, the shell of a man who could never be his best. If I didn’t have you, I’d never see the sun. You taught me how to be someone” (sung by louis first, harry second) 

～ through the dark “even if you scream and shout, it’ll come back to you and I’ll be here for you

You steal the scene and it’s unrehearsed

reference to working on a stage - their natural presence wins everyone over - that charisma is never manufactured

Don’t you wanna dance? Just a little dance I’ll never stop given half the chance

L keeps encouraging them, will also not pass by any chance to dance with them

Every insecurity, like a neon sign, as bright as day If you knew what you were to me You would never try to hide away

“it’s hard to miss”

L sees through them trying to hide their insecurities, pretend to be strong

～ through the dark “but I know you were only hiding”

SYNTHESIS

Perfect Now is not a fan favorite and I am so not here for that discourse, so please do not pester me with negativity about this chocolate drop of a song. 

As others have pointed out, the parallels with other songs written by Louis, Harry or for One Direction are extremely present. Especially Little Things is echoed loudly, but there’s so much more to be read, as you’ve seen. These are songs that are clearly near and dear to Louis, bc he wrote them or bc performing them was special, like with Little Things and What Makes You Beautiful. A lot of the same emotions come back in Louis’s writing, so much so that you can’t help but see the larger story behind it all. Throughout Walls you can hear him singing about not giving up and holding your head high despite hardships, and if you look back at his earlier writing, it’s always been there. Through the Dark is an early and striking example of this style of Louis song: you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway 

basically through the dark’s chorus:

Oh, I will carry you over Fire and water for your love And I will hold you closer Hope your heart is strong enough When the night is coming down on you We will find a way Through the dark

It is very clear that Louis is faced with a partner - I can freely say it’s Harry now right? are the antis gone by now? i think so - that struggles with his body, with his identity, with how he wants to present himself vs how opinions on that might push him down and dampen his spirit. Louis, always the supportive boyfriend, then tries his best to make him see the light, while keeping that space for his sadness, his struggles, or their joint struggles. Accept the sadness but don’t lose your heart to it.

I’ve linked @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s post at the start of this post, but I need to stress how good it is once more as I also shamelessly insert a screenshot from it here bc it makes me feel a lot and summarizes perfectly just how deeply Perfect Now is woven into the history of their lives, relationship and especially “you”s/Harry’s personal struggle with their identity/body/confidence...

Because yes, i absolutely think these tattoos are being echoed in the song. “Never gonna dance again” as a lyric and then as a tattoo on Harry’s legs like shackles around his ankles represents the sensation of shame, of being stuck, bc of your desires, bc of your sexuality. Obviously we can never know why Harry got the tattoo, as in what experience pushed him to choose those lyrics or what exactly he recognizes in himself, but it’s safe to say it’s about the struggles of being queer and navigating relationships with that identity and with others.

Most importantly, the sense of shamelessly dancing, dancing like no one’s watching, dancing together with your lover, as a celebration of self, life, love, is the key here. Harry got that tattoo ages ago, at a time when he undoubtedly felt way more stuck. When he couldn’t dance freely the way he wanted to and with whom he wanted to. Perfect Now is a reminder to him, an encouragement to still dance if he wants to, no matter what people say or think. Significantly, then, Harry’s own Treat People With Kindness heavily features that same sentiment, but in an extremely positive light: i have found a place (in life and in myself) where i feel like i have given and was given second chances and now i dance bc i finally feel good in my skin.

Louis has obviously been there from the start, or at least from when or before Harry properly started experimenting with/questioning how he likes to present and how he identifies as. Before he ever dared to consider pulling on a pair of women’s skinny jeans, never mind a ball gown. Louis has seen him limit himself as well as being limited by others ofc and has always seemed to have been there, with a secure hand on Harry’s back, to encourage him. Even at a time when boys wearing nail polish or skirts was unthinkable. Just remember how much encouragement Harry needed when growing out his hair; Louis literally joined him. yes this might make me cry okay i need to stop bc i’m going off track and this is just becoming a larry breakdown while i was trying to hype up this beautiful song. 

What I’m trying to say is: Louis has always seen all of Harry. He’s always had his back, no matter what. He’s loved every part of him. And now, on a completely gender neutral album, in the sweetest, softest song off of the entire thing, Louis puts in the word “queen”, and that is so very deliberate it makes me want to scream. It’s Louis confirming his love again and again while affirming the multitudes contained by Harry, including everything involving his gender journey. brb crying

It’s a raw Louis, an honest, sweet, kind, loving partner, and both of them are fucking lucky to have each other, and I also wish that all of us end up in a caring and wholesome relationship like that. I truly do.

#wow i thought this one was gonna be easier #i always do why do i think that??? #every time i look closer into l's lyrics i see more depth #this is all just a perfect mushy mess so it's on brand for me #perfect now analysis #lyric analysis #my posts #parallels

[bluewinnerangel]

From The Dining Table x Brokeback Mountain

!! Huge Brokeback Mountain Spoilers ahead !!

Since I said some stuff a bit about this yesterday and got some questions to explain a bit more I thought I'd dedicate a post to it.

SoooOOooo this is about From The Dining Table maybe being not so much autobiographical, not in the literal sense at least although mans gotta resonate with it otherwise why make a whole song about it right, but could be from the perspective of Jack in the movie / short story Brokeback Mountain and I think he might have done the same with TBSL and The Notebook as well.

FTDT (as well as Sweet Creature) sounds like it's coming straightno gay out of the Brokeback Mountain Soundtrack, explained here. Especially the tracks "The Wings" and "Brokeback Mountain 2" (that melody bit around "even my phone misses your call by the way" is just.. a copy). And yep that's the pretty big hint there, that's why I'm connecting these dots and not brushing off the coincidoinkies because you know these lyrics are not THAT specific, but combine it with the similarities in terms of sound too and welp hmmmmm

FTDT lyric breakdown x Brokeback Mountain under the cut:

In the movie, go watch it if you haven't, go read the short story if you haven't, Jack and Ennis fall in love on Brokeback Mountain and uh continue to not know how to quit each other. They both understand it's not safe to attempt to live a life together, Ennis doesn't even consider it but Jack still wants it, tries to talk about it, but it never happens. Most of their life they're silent about their feelings, they just love each other deeply yet continue to live their lives with a wife and kids, but still they can't stay away from each other and for 20 years they continue to have these "fishing trips" together and find ways to see each other. Ennis stays very conflicted about his feelings and doesn't so much own up to them as Jack does. He's a man of very few words (under the pretence of comfortable silence) and it drives Jack insane. They drink a lot, they feel alone and uncool, don't seem to call, but miss each other like crazy...

Some bits from the short story:

“How much is once in a while?” said Jack. “Once in a while ever four fuckin years?”

“No,” said Ennis, forbearing to ask whose fault that was. “I goddam hate it that you’re goin a drive away in the mornin and I’m goin back to work. But if you can’t fix it you got a stand it,” he said. “Shit. I been lookin at people on the street. This happen a other people? What the hell do they do?”

Or Jacks dialogue when he finally breaks about.. everything:

"I'll tell you what. We could have had a good life together. Fucking real good life. Had us a place of our own! But you didn't want it, Ennis. So what we got now is Brokeback Mountain! Everything's built on that! That's all we got, boy. Fucking all. So I hope you know that, if you don't never know the rest! You count the damn few times... that we have been together in nearly 20 years... and you measure the short fucking leash you keep me on... and then you ask me about Mexico and you tell me you'll kill me... for needin' somethin' I don't hardly never get! You have no idea how bad it gets! And I'm not you! I can't make it... on a couple of high-altitude fucks once or twice a year! You are too much for me, Ennis. You son of a whoreson bitch! I wish I knew how to quit you!"

And Ennis' reply:

Then why don't you? Why don't you just let me be, huh? It's because of you, Jack, that I'm like this. I'm nothin'. I'm nowhere.

So then yeah uh FTDT:

Woke up alone in this hotel room,

Played with myself, where were you? Fell back to sleep, I got drunk by noon,

I've never felt less cool

Loneliness, where are you, can't make it on a couple of high-altitude fucks a few times a year, played with myself, but need you, I'm struggling, I'm drinkin, I'm nothing, I'm nowhere. ~it's all of the above~

Some more bits from the short story:

“We herded sheep on Brokeback one summer,” said Ennis. He could hardly speak.

“Well, he said it was his place. I thought he meant to get drunk. Drink whiskey up there. He drank a lot.”

We haven't spoke since you went away,

Comfortable silence is so overrated,

Why won't you ever be the first one to break?

Even my phone misses your call, by the way

This fits Jacks feelings towards Ennis. Ennis doesn't talk. Jack seems to be ok with this silence most of the time, but really does love it a whole lot more when Ennis does talk. This after he tells Jack something personal, Jack lights up and Ennis is like bropal what:

Jack: Man, that's more words than you've spoke in the past two weeks. Ennis: Hell, that's the most I've spoke in a year.

And also as mentioned earlier, Jack is the first one to break. Ennis seems to suffer too, but he never breaks, not in front of Jack before Jack does at least.

I saw your friend that you know from work

He said you feel just fine

"He said you feel just fine" can be a way of saying to just drop it, and in the movie Jack visits their employer that had sent them off to Brokeback Mountain the next year, and asks him about Ennis. To which he doesn't get a satisfying answer whatsoever either (thank @swimmingleo ):

Boss: Well, look what the wind blew in. Jack: I was wonderin' if you was needin' any help this summer. Boss: You're wastin' your time here. Jack: What, you ain't got nothin'? Nothin' up on Brokeback? Boss: I ain't got no work for you. Jack: Ennis Del Mar ain't been around, has he? Boss: You boys sure found a way to make the time pass up there. Twist... you guys wasn't gettin' paid to leave the dogs baby-sit the sheep... while you stemmed the rose. Now get the hell out of my trailer.

I see you gave him my old t-shirt

More of what was once mine

In the end the only thing Ennis has of Jack is his old shirt. And discovers this whole time, Jack had his.

Copying a big chunk of the short story again really just go read the whole story instead:

At the north end of the closet a tiny jog in the wall made a slight hiding place and here, stiff with long suspension from a nail, hung a shirt. He lifted it off the nail. Jack’s old shirt from Brokeback days. The dried blood on the sleeve was his own blood, a gushing nosebleed on the last afternoon on the mountain when Jack, in their contortionistic grappling and wrestling, had slammed Ennis’s nose hard with his knee. He had stanched the blood, which was everywhere, all over both of them, with his shirtsleeve, but the stanching hadn’t held, because Ennis had suddenly swung from the deck and laid the ministering angel out in the wild columbine, wings folded. The shirt seemed heavy until he saw there was another shirt inside it, the sleeves carefully worked down inside Jack’s sleeves. It was his own plaid shirt, lost, he’d thought, long ago in some damn laundry, his dirty shirt, the pocket ripped, buttons missing, stolen by Jack and hidden here inside Jack’s own shirt, the pair like two skins, one inside the other, two in one. He pressed his face into the fabric and breathed in slowly through his mouth and nose, hoping for the faintest smoke and mountain sage and salty sweet stink of Jack, but there was no real scent, only the memory of it, the imagined power of Brokeback Mountain of which nothing was left but what he held in his hands.

I see it's written, it's all over his face

Everyone can tell. Nothing is said. But everyone just knows these two had ~a special bond~. Especially Jack's parents when Ennis visits their home in the end and finds that shirt.

Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too

Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too

Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too But you, you never do

Maybe one day [...]... maybe one day... I have hope that maybe one day... but in the end. I realise it's not gonna happen -> Jack keeps hoping that maybe one day they'll live their lives together, but Ennis never lets them go there, doesn't see it as an option, he just stays silent. But in the end Jack knows where they stand, or he's always known I guess, he lets it be... The last thing we read from Jack's perspective in the short story:

Later, that dozy embrace solidified in his memory as the single moment of artless, charmed happiness in their separate and difficult lives. Nothing marred it, even the knowledge that Ennis would not then embrace him face to face because he did not want to see or feel that it was Jack he held. And maybe, he thought, they’d never got much farther than that. Let be, let be.

Woke up the girl who looked just like you I almost said your name

They're both with a family, with wives / girlfriends. I don't think there's a girl who looks just like the other, or any mention of almost saying each others names or anything, might have missed it tho I mean the rest checks out aksdjaslk. The closest maybe parallel-ish I could think of is a call between Ennis and Jacks wife:

“Jack used to mention you,” she said. “You’re the fishing buddy or the hunting buddy, I know that. Would have let you know,” she said, “but I wasn’t sure about your name and address. Jack kept most a his friends’ addresses in his head.

So.... yeah....

OK EDIT BECAUSE I MADE @larrysballetslippers VERY ANGERY because this didn't have a good ending so:

RAMBLE TIME

All that

does not mean the story of Brokeback Mountain and all its details mirror Harry's real life. IF any of this was on purpose even. He clearly loves and has referenced other movies too, like The Notebook and Papillon and those aren't copies of his life either. It just doesn't mean he's Jack in every way and Louis is exactly Ennis and the part where Ennis is showing resistance to their love must mean Louis is doing the same or whatever.

This post was just to show the parallels and you can draw whatever conclusion you want from that, but please just be aware Harry's not in control of every detail in this movie LOL and IF this song really just is a Brokeback Mountain fanpiece doesn't mean he's into exactly how this movie plays out because he's living the exact real life version in every single way. (I fear we're gonna run into these same thoughts once My Policeman is out, thaaat's gonna be fun)

If anything, this whole analysis came to be because the details in this song, in my view, do not fit Harry and Louis' descriptions of their love and dynamics and what they've been through in most of their other songs.

This analysis was larry-free and now look what you made me do @larrysballetslippers .... well. Although it did have a larry cowboy gif in the beginning asldkjaskldja AHHH WELLL

For more like this

This post has a drunk twin: a masterpost with all them Harry x Brokeback Mountain cOiNcIdEnCeS

my other song analyses

Brokeback Mountain short story

#brokeback mountain #ftdt #from the dining table #welikeparallels #smart things with lyrics #sorry bropals yeah ik its painful

[maxwell-grant]

If someone were trying to make a new character inspired by pulp heroes, but the new character had to be a teenager, what existing pulps heroes should they look to for inspiration?

I'm not exactly in touch with the yoof so I could be off the mark here, but let's talk about teenager characters for a bit.

Now, I could just tell you to look for characters that appeal to you and use them as a baseline and that's probably the best advice here, but if you want the essay and history lesson: American pulp fiction didn't used to market much to teenagers. Teenagers as a consuming market haven't always been the all-encompassing force they are considered today, and the pulps were largely marketed either towards young boys, or for working class men, mostly the latter. This is part of why teenagers tend to show up in these stories largely as sidekicks, which was something carried over to comic superheroes, and part of why Spider-Man was such a breakout hit, because he was a teenage superhero who was not a sidekick.

The biggest pre-1950s traditional pulp hero I can of who was a teenager would be Jack Harkaway, an 1871 penny dreadful adventurer who would go on to be published overseas, one of those characters who was big enough in his day to inspire imitators a plenty but didn't quite make it past a specific time period. Comic strips had plenty of kid or teenage protagonists who are a bit closer to pulp heroes, like Tintin or Terry Lee, one in particular I'm highlighting above is Ledger Syndicate's Connie Kurridge, arguably the first female adventure hero of American comics. Overseas you can find a couple of prominent examples of teenage adventurers published in what we call the pulp era, the biggest and most influential of which being The Famous Five, but as I stated in answering whether Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys were pulp heroes, these were not published in pulp magazines, instead their direct opposites in glossy and reputable paperbacks.

There are other examples of pulp heroes who were teenagers and not sidekicks, but nearly all of them are very obscure and you will probably not find much material for them. And the thing is, these characters were not made for teenagers. They were made, for the most part, by grown-ups, and for grown-ups, and I can't say any of them ever really grabbed a teenage audience. Usually, it's the 60s as an era that really starts to pander to and include teenagers at the forefront of storytelling, so a good start for you might be to look at what was going on in the 60s-onwards worldwide in the realms of pulp and pulp-inspired works, which probably means you're going to have to look outside of the US.

Another word of advice would be to look up characters that are beloved by teenagers. I don't think "teenager" is a great baseline trait to start building a character, but if that's the number one priority to you, then ideally you should look for a good baseline of what appeals to that demographic, what appealed to you at that age and why. You're probably going to wind up with a lot of anime anti-heroes in your research though, because teenagers are deeply miserable creatures and few things appeal more to them than characters who are miserable but they act cool and badass and edgy about it. Teenagers are forced to live with the miserable reality of being teenagers with little to no upsides, so I think teenage characters could benefit more from being based on the kinds of characters teenagers would ideally want to read about.

So, "cool, badass and tortured character super popular with angsty teenagers", "rooted in and subverting older storytelling traditions for a fresh new audience", and "60s pulp hero". I think Elric is probably as good of a place as any for you to start.

Elric wasn't just popular, he wasn't even just popular with teenagers (boys and girls alike, which is also quite the feat), he was "cool". He was avant-garde, he was the hip new thing on the block. He wasn't Conan or Bond or Batman, and you'd hardly mistake him for a hero. He got the rock albums and fans tattooing him. He was penned by the guy who was openly called the "anti-Tolkien". Elric was Loki before Loki, the edgy anti-hero before them all. The emaciated warrior with white hair and black clothes and a demonic sword who suffered in a cool way, cool in his uncoolness. When I think of pulp heroes who achieved a substantial popularity among teenage audiences, Elric is definitely the first that comes to mind.

Another good example might be Captain Harlock, easily one of the premier Pulp Heroes among manga and anime due to how heavily Leiji Matsumoto incorporates pulp space opera into everything he does. Not only directly influenced by it, Matsumoto even has actual pulp credentials as an illustrator for C.L Moore's Shambleau, Northwest Smith and Jirel of Joiry. The space pirate, while not created in manga and anime, is one of Japan's premier pulp hero archetypes, and Harlock's as good of a baseline to work with as any.

The most popular pulp-inspired works nowadays among teenage or younger audiences are definitely the ones derived from pulp horror, several creators have been getting a lot of mileage these past decades out of plundering and remixing stuff from it. The big ones are Lovecraft and related works like The King in Yellow, but because they soak up all the attention, it also means that people are sleeping on authors like John W. Campbell, William Hope Hogdson, Clark Ashton Smith and Karl Edward Wagner, Nictzin Dyalhis and Olaf Stapledon, and many, many more, which gives you a lot of narrative real estate to work with should you take this direction.

Additionally, one thing that you could consider is that, for a very large portion of the history of pulp fiction, a significant amount of the most popular stories and characters were those that were based on celebrities and real life figures. The biggest of dime novel protagonists was Buffalo Bill, and following him was Nick Carter, a literary equivalent to Eugen Sandow (the Schwarzenegger of his day). Thomas Edison inspired an entire subgenre of dime novel fiction, even Jack the Ripper was a pulp protagonist in Dutch magazines, because sometimes the term "pulp hero" doesn't take the "hero" part much into account.

The precedent for celebrity stories is older than pulp fiction itself, but it was in the dime novels and novelettes and pulps that the idea really found it's footing. The Shadow's exploits took a lot from Gibson's own experiences with Houdini (who himself starred in fictional stories, one famously penned by Lovecraft). Doc Savage was visually modeled after Clark Gable and supposedly inspired on Richard Henry Savage. Eddy Polo, Charlie Chaplin and Tom Mix were the protagonists of several pulps and comic strips across the world, as well as Al Capone (who starred in pulp magazines in Germany and Spain), who fought Nick Carter in a Brazilian story guest-starring Fu Manchu (reportedly based on real figures Sax Rohmer claimed to have met) and Fantomas. Today obviously there are much greater restrictions at play concerning celebrity images, but if dime/pulp magazines were around today, we would have quite possibly seen figures like Keanu Reeves, Tilda Swinton and Lil Nas X either star in their own magazines or be used as models for rising protagonists.

So I guess one other way you could go on about creating a pulp hero, who's either a teenager or appeals to teenagers, would be the route of taking a look at some celebrities that either are, or appeal to those demographics, because if pulp magazines had stayed around unchanged past the 60s and 80s and whatnot you definitely would have seen the likes of David Bowie, Will Smith and Dwayne Johnson get their own magazines. I don't know much about what celebrities are popular with teenagers these days and I'm not about to start caring now, but you could take a look at some icons you like, or liked when you were younger, and think about what made them appealing to think about as characters, and how you could apply that to something closer to a pulp story.

A word of advice would also be that, if you want to make a character inspired by pulp heroes, if you want to create a convincing modern pulp hero, you might want to look less at the pulp heroes themselves and instead those that they were inspired by or working to defy and stand out when compared to. You take the building blocks and rearrange them in a different way. If you have a specific character you want to design yours in reference to, you can send me an ask or a DM about them and I'll dig into my files to give you a few pointers, and what kind of history or cultural predecessors they have that you could take a look at to make something more genuine.

#replies tag #pulp heroes #pulp fiction #jack harkaway #captain harlock #elric of melnibone #bloodborne #darkest dungeon

[weirdnaturalscience]

Well-Known and Obscure Toxins: How They Work

Well this is a morbid subject but HEY it’s almost Halloween baby!! I was super curious about what toxins actually do on a molecular level after reading about cone snails. Obviously toxins can kill you, but how?? I wanted to know the grisly details. This is not an exhaustive list, just some types of poison, venom, and other toxic substances I was curious about, so let’s get to it.

Deadly Nightshade

Where is it found? Atropa belladonna grows in Europe, North Africa and Western Asia.

How it works: speeds up your heart and generally fucks with your nervous system. Deadly nightshade contains tropane alkaloids atropine, hyoscine (scopolamine), and hyoscyamine which disrupt the nervous system’s ability to regulate activities such as heart rate, breathing and sweating. It can cause narcosis, paralysis and heart failure as a result. Yikes. But an antidote exists that can reverse these affects if administered in time.

Toxicity: the entire plant is toxic, with roots having the highest toxicity but berries posing the greatest threat to humans because of their appearance. 10-20 berries can kill an adult, and 2-4 can kill a child. Symptoms of mild poisoning include dilated pupils, sensitivity to light, loss of balance, confusion, hallucinations (wild) and convulsions. Doesn’t sound like a good time.

Do not eat the shiny attractive berries!!! (Cows and rabbits and other animals can eat it but humans, dogs and cats...NOT SO MUCH) You can also get toxins on your skin just by touching the plant but this will not kill you.

Totally fun and not morbid fact: during the Renaissance, belladonna was used by women in small quantities to dilate pupils and give a seductive appearance, and this is how it gets its name belladonna, or beautiful woman. Atropa comes from the Greek Fate Atropos who cuts the threads of mortal lives with her shears. Snip snip!

Hemlock

Where is it found? Conium maculatum grows naturally in Europe and North Africa, and has spread to North and South America, Australia and Western Asia.

How it works: stops your breathing. The flowers contain an alkaloid called coniine, which directly affects the nervous system and causes paralysis of respiratory muscles, leading to death from oxygen deprivation. Hemlock poisoning is treated by artificial ventilation for 48-72 hours until the effects wear off.

Toxicity: about 100 milligrams of coniine is fatal to an adult. That’s about 6-8 hemlock leaves, or a smaller dose of the seeds or root. Animals can also be poisoned and killed by hemlock, but luckily dangerous substances cannot be passed into the human food chain from milk or fowl. Similar to nightshade, you can get a non-lethal amount of the toxin on your skin simply from touching this plant.

Basically you’re only gonna get poisoned by this if someone puts it in your tea, because I assume you’re not gonna just go around just like...chomping on pretty flowers. Right? Right?? ok good.

Arsenic

Where is it found? arsenic is a metalloid that occurs often with sulfurs and metals. It can be present in volcanic ash and groundwater, and as a result can be found in low (acceptable) levels in plants and seafood. Good news: it is rare to find arsenic occurring at dangerous levels in nature.

How it works: in high levels, arsenic disrupts ATP production and causes organ failure due to necrotic cell death. This process can last between 2 hours to multiple days. It can also be fatal in lower doses administered over a period of time, and as such, was a popular murder weapon when it was readily available during the 1800s in England. Symptoms such as vomiting and diarrhea don’t immediately alert someone that there has been an attempted murder unless maybe you’re Sherlock Holmes.

Toxicity: google probably thinks I’m a murderer and won’t tell me just how much arsenic will kill a person. COME ON, google!!! it’s for SCIENCE!

Arsenic is no longer readily available for people to just get in large quantities, so that’s a RELIEF.

Cyanide

Where is it found? cyanide is a chemical compound produced by certain algae, bacteria and fungi. It is also found in plants such as peaches, apples, apricots and bitter almonds. A type of bamboo that grows in Madagascar is so rich in cyanide that it would kill humans, but not the golden bamboo lemur for whom this bamboo is a primary source of food!!! You go girl, eat that cyanide bamboo.

How it works: for everyone who’s not a golden bamboo lemur, cyanide disrupts ATP production, affects the central nervous system and heart, and causes histotoxic hypoxia: the inability of cells to take up oxygen from the bloodstream. Antidotes can work if administered in time for lower doses of cyanide.

Toxicity: 200 milligrams of solid cyanide or a cyanide solution, or exposure to airborne cyanide of 270 parts per million is sufficient to cause death within minutes. Um, YIKES. Really, cyanide was already scary enough as a solid before nature went and made it into a gas that kills upon inhalation. DEEPLY uncool.

Murder mystery writers: slip belladona or arsenic into your literary victim’s tea. Belladonna is sweet, arsenic is tasteless, but cyanide has an acrid and bitter taste.

Fun (well, not fun) fact: if you eat 200 apple seeds (about 40 apple cores) you will receive a fatal dose of cyanide. So like, don’t do that. An apple a day keeps the doctor away and is completely safe, but 40 apples apple cores a day WILL KILL YOU

Vampire Bat Saliva

Where is it found? Vampire bats are found in the Americas.

How it works: a toxic substance called Draculin (I’m serious) in the saliva of vampire bats acts as an anticoagulant by inhibiting an enzyme involved in the coagulation pathway.

Toxicity: vampire bats are indeed venomous and toxic, but they are not at all lethal. It just sorta sucks if you’re being bitten by a vampire bat, but you’ll live. Unless that bat has rabies. Vampire bat saliva also contains an analgesic, meaning the bites are almost completely painless. SO THAT’S SOMETHING

Cobra Venom

“hello do you have a moment to hear about cell death?”

Where is it found? Many species of cobra are found throughout Africa, Southwest and Southeast Asia.

How it works: most cobra venom includes neurotoxins that cause paralysis as well as cytotoxins that cause necrosis and blood coagulation. blood coagulation can happen in minutes.

Toxicity: many types of cobra venom are treatable, but may leave disfigurement from necrosis. If this isn’t scary enough for you, just know that spitting cobras can reach 2.7 m (8.9 ft) in length and like to aim for the eyes.

But you’d still rather be bitten by a cobra than THIS deadly mofo:

Venom of the Inland Taipan

Where is it found? the inland taipan is the most venomous snake in the world and lives, YOU GUESSED IT, in Australia, ie the place where everything is designed to kill you. Evolution decided it can reach 1.8 meters (5.9 feet) with a maximum length of 2.5 meters (8.2 feet), which I think everyone can agree is a dick move on evolution’s part. Take it back, TAKE IT BACK!!!!!

How it works: the venom contains neurotoxins, hemotoxins, and myotoxins AND an enzyme to increase absorption of the venom. Basically it causes paralysis, blood coagulation and muscle damage, because one of these things wasn’t enough apparently. Antivenoms against Australian venomous snakes exist but are least effective against the venom of the inland taipan.

Toxicity: the inland taipan’s venom has a murine LD50 value of 0.025m/kg. This means there is a 50% chance that .025 milligrams per kilogram of weight will cause death. It’s bite contains enough venom to kill at least 100 adult humans. But GOOD NEWS! the inland taipan lives in such remote places that it rarely comes in contact with people. Other slightly less venomous snakes are therefore responsible for more deaths. ....So that’s...still terrifying. just don’t go into the woods in Australia FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

What’s deadlier than the deadliest snake in the world, you ask?

Tetrodotoxin

Where is it found? tetrodotoxin is found in several animals such as pufferfish, moon snails and the small but deadly Australian blue ringed octopus (DAMMIT Australia)

How it works: blocks sodium channels. This prevents normal transmission of signals between the body and brain, causing loss of sensation, paralysis and inability to breathe. Fun!!! Don’t pick up the frickin evil little octopus

Toxicity: more powerful than cyanide, that’s for sure, about a thousand times more powerful in fact. the oral median lethal dose (LD50) for mice as 334 micrograms per kilogram. Fatal pufferfish poisoning result in death in about 17 minutes. The blue-ringed octopus, however, carries enough venom to kill 26 adult humans within just a few minutes. There is no anti-venom.

What’s worse than that, you ask? Ah, you shouldn't have asked.

Conotoxin

Where is it found? Cone snails are found in the Indo-Pacific, the Cape of South Africa, the Mediterranean, and even southern California. Smaller species are not that dangerous. Larger species, however...

How it works: paralysis within minutes. cone snails have multiple harpoons to administer venom to prey (or unsuspecting humans). the harpoons deliver a venom that has HUNDREDS of different types of toxins, each targeting different nerve channels or receptors. Some cone snail venom even includes pain-reducing toxins. These pain reducing toxins can be 100 to 1,000 times more powerful than morphine. How THOUGHTFUL.

Toxicity: vastly more potent than tetrodotoxin. the oral median lethal dose (LD50) for mice is is 10 to 100 micrograms/kilogram. So like, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT LOL

Ricin

Where is it found? Ricin is obtained from the beans of the castor oil plant.

How it works: inhibits protein production and results in organ failure, respiratory failure and circulatory shock.

Toxicity: The median lethal dose (LD50) of ricin is around 22 micrograms per kilogram of body weight. If that sounds bad just wait till you hear about poison dart frogs 😭

VX

Where is it found? Nowhere in nature. VX is synthetic. It is an oily amber colored liquid in its natural form, was first developed as a pesticide and later for chemical warfare. It is considered a weapon of mass destruction and is banned under the Chemical Weapons Convention of 1993.

How it works: causes stimulation and fatigue of muscarinic and nicotinic ACh receptors, resulting in violent contractions followed by paralysis and death by asphyxiation.

Toxicity: 7 micrograms/kilogram. this is one of the most toxic synthetic substances on earth. Humans have got nothing on mother nature though...

Batrachotoxin

(This guy is called phyllobates TERRIBILIS. but is his cute little face terrible? noooo.)

Where is it found? in certain types of beetles, birds and poison dart frogs found in Central and South America.

How it works: similar to conotoxin, batrachotoxin interrupts sodium channels. The resulting migration of Na+ ions causes heart failure and paralysis.

Toxicity: The LD50 is around 2 micrograms per kilogram, meaning that an amount the size of two grains of table salt will kill you, and that this is even worse than a cone snail, Ricin, or VX. Batrachotoxin is one of the deadliest alkaloids known. No antidote exists.

Fun frog fact: this was the poison commonly used by the Embera-Wounaan for poison darts, and that’s where poison dart frogs get their name! How...cute.

Botulinum, most toxic substance in the world

Where is it found? made by the bacteria Clostridium botulinum and related species.

How it works: causes Botulism, which if untreated can result in paralysis and respiratory failure by preventing the release of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine. Botulinum is used in very very very VEEEEEEERY small amounts in Botox, in case you ever needed reasons NOT to do Botox lol.

Toxicity: the lethal dose of 1.3–2.1 nanograms per kilogram in humans. of any toxin natural or synthetic, this is the deadliest known. However!! Actual good news this time: treatments involving antitoxin therapy and intubation are very successful and mortality from Botulism is extremely low. Yay! 

More good news: toxins have been instrumental in medicinal breakthroughs throughout history and continue to be vital to modern medicine. A drug for diabetes was recently synthesized from Gila monster venom: it increases the production of insulin when blood sugar levels are high. A painkiller has been developed for chronic pain patients that is derived from a component of the venom of our friend, you guessed it, the cone snail! These are just two examples of toxins being used in medicine, and a lot of research is still being done because face it: we still don’t know a lot about how our bodies work. Paralyzing agents are extremely important to our understanding of the body and the development of non-opiate non-addictive painkillers because of how they disrupt signals between nerves and the brain.

Long story short: don’t eat nightshade and stay OFF AUSTRALIAN BEACHES and you should be just fine. 

Oh and your tea is getting cold ;)

#my posts #interesting #science #poison #venom #nightshade #hemlock #cobras #vampire bats #arsenic #cyanide #tetrodotoxin #conotoxin #ricin #vx

[darkfinch]

finch important question for an important day,, did quinn grow up celebrating halloween/samhain/all saint’s and what are his thoughts on it? (also wishing you the nanowrimo strength youve GOT this) -miko

!!! miko this is such an important question...i think he DID grow up celebrating halloween, and had such iconic costumes as:

world's smallest pumpkin

world's smallest kitty cat

a bat!!! *flaps wings*

E.T (homemade, cardboard, terrible)

frankenstein

zombie (3 years back to back from ages 8-10)

werewolf (please make him stop howling and trying to bite people)

halloween wasn't as "cool" with the kids at babusia's once he went to live with her, and also there were like 3 trick-or-treaters per house because it was the middle of nowhere and there weren't a lot of kids and people were like. driving their kids property to property in their trucks, but there were 3 vital halloween traditions:

mandatory halloween party at a neighbour's place, complete with hay ride, corn maze, and lovingly-homemade carnival games such as "bob for apples—no don't drown anyone that's frowned upon" and "throw a dart at this balloon—no, not the demon boy. uh. anybody except for babusia's kids. everyone else can have a dart"

who can make the most intricately-carved jack-o-lantern

quinn's cool uncle rabbit takes the older kids a few towns over for their cherished halloween bonding activity: heist/break-in spree. u can keep what u grab. baby enrichment

as an adult (and a member of a leverage team, which is the only way i think he would have the kind of life where he'd be doing a halloween) he is. Very into it. team tara does a massive and deeply chaotic annual halloween heist and it's legendary. tradition :3

i would very much like for him to meet breanna because i think he would be deeply deeply delighted by her halloween dedication. and also he wants an excuse to wear, like, lil plastic devil horns and embarrass eliot (who thinks this is all very silly and uncool. too bad. your cool hitter pal is helping to put up fake cobwebs. get spooky)

#*babusia voice* it is cold and so so icy...perhaps no halloween heist this year #*14 year old quinn voice* awwww but uncle rabbit said we could do a bank this time :( #finchtalks #ITS ABT THE COSTUMES ITS ABT THE CHAOS quinn has halloween vibes

[arcticdementor]

Sitting on the couch watching TV earlier this month, my wife read to me a headline from her iPhone. “Listen to this,” she said: “There are only 15 lesbian bars left in the entire country.”

“Great,” I said, “We’ll each get our own.”

Lesbian bars have always been vastly outnumbered by bars for straight people and gay men, but in the 1980s, there were more than 200 lesbian bars in the U.S. What happened? Well, a lot of them sucked. The first lesbian bars I went to in my early 20s were dank, smoky caves where women in khaki shorts and backward caps grinded on each other to Outkast. They could have been frat bars if not for the notable absence of men.

…

But there’s something else going on right now, because it’s not just lesbian bars that are disappearing; it’s lesbian as a category itself.

After Portland’s last lesbian bar closed in 2010, as Ellena Rosenthal explored in the Willamette Week, there were attempts to start lesbian-specific nights at various venues, but most avoided the L-word to appear inclusive of trans and nonbinary people. One event, called Temporary Lesbian Bar, apologized after being accused of condoning “trans women exterminationism” for using the labrys — a double-headed ax that symbolizes female strength and has long been a part of lesbian iconography — in their logo. That event still exists (or did before Covid), but the organizers make sure to advertise that, despite the name, it’s “open, inclusive, and welcoming to all people.” (Oddly, these fights only seem to occur around women’s space, not men’s. If gay bars, bathhouses, and clubs go extinct, it will be because of Covid, not because of infighting over inclusion.)

Portland may be a parody of PC, but it’s not an outlier. When I came out in North Carolina in the early 2000s, the term “lesbian” was fading and “queer” was rapidly rising. Most of my peers saw lesbians as stodgy, old-fashioned, and uncool, whereas queers were hip, edgy, and inclusive. Yet “queer” is vague enough to mean nearly anything, so the label says less about your love life and more about your politics. (I propose we all start using the Kinsey Scale instead.)

The flight from “lesbian” has accelerated since. An academic in the Southeast, who asked to remain anonymous, told me that when she mentioned to a colleague that she’s a lesbian, the colleague “reacted like I’d confessed to being a Confederate Lost-Causer. She told me that the term is outdated and problematic, and I shouldn’t use it.” So the lesbian keeps quiet about her identity: “It’s like living in a second closet.”

Not long ago, it would have been the Christian right stigmatizing homosexual women. Today, it’s also from people who call themselves queer.

…

Nonbinary people say that the identification liberates them from the prison of gender, but for others, it doesn’t dismantle gender roles and stereotypes; it reinforces them. It legitimizes the idea that there’s an intractable gender binary in the first place. Instead of saying, “I’m a woman and I reject gender roles,” NB ideology says, in effect, “I reject gender roles and therefore I’m not a woman.”

Joycelyn MacDonald, the editor-in-chief of the lesbian site AfterEllen, has seen the NB ideology pushed by well-intended people and she worries about the unintended consequences. “When we say that femininity is equivalent to womanhood, we leave no space for women, gay or straight, to be gender non-conforming,” she told me. “Butch lesbians especially have fought for the right to claim space as women, and now women are running from that instead of boldly stepping into it. It’s another way of saying ‘I’m not like other girls,’ and it’s demeaning to other women.”

This is not a popular position in some queer communities, and AfterEllen is routinely accused of being transphobic. In 2018, Rhea Butcher, a nonbinary comic, tweeted: “You don’t represent me or my friends and your website is a sham. You’re not a lesbian/bisexual website, you’re a TERF website.” (“TERF" stands for “trans-exclusionary radical feminist” and is not, to put it mildly, a compliment.) Butcher’s tweet is typical, and it’s part of what makes having this conversation so fraught.

There’s been no clear polling on the shift from “lesbian” to “nonbinary,” and so my sense that the lesbian is endangered is purely anecdotal. But there are plenty of anecdotes. After I put out a call on Twitter asking lesbians for input, my inbox filled with emails from women who said vast portions of their friend groups have adopted new labels and pronouns. But none feel like they can openly discuss it, which is apparent by the number who asked to remain anonymous: all of them.

…

Some feminists argue that women are so oppressed in society that opting out of womanhood is a way of opting out of oppression. I’m skeptical. Why didn’t women do this decades ago, when oppression was objectively greater? Besides, enbies are more likely to be Smith undergrads than, say, immigrants getting assaulted at the border.

And there’s another not-so popular explanation: that it’s a fad, a form of social contagion.

I’m aware that this will be offensive to some people. The concept of a fixed, internal gender identity has become sacrosanct, and it’s viewed as something deeply personal and meaningful, like the soul. But humans are social creatures and we are easily influenced by our peers. This isn’t a moral judgment, just a fact, and I’ve seen how it plays out in my own peer circle. First one person comes out as nonbinary, then another, then another, and then one day half the dykes you know go by “they.” Add social media to the mix, and fawning profiles of nonbinary people in the press, and you’ve got yourself a mass cultural phenomenon.

I ran this theory by a therapist who specializes in LGTBQ issues. (She asked to remain anonymous, so I’ll call her Tara.) Tara told me that while the most common complaints of her young female patients involve gender identity, it’s not an issue with older patients. The older ones struggle with their sexuality or their relationships, but aside from a few transexuals with dysphoria, gender identity doesn’t come up. And young women, in particular, are prone to social contagion. We’ve seen this in many areas: eating disorders, cutting, exercising, yawning, strange fits of laughter, and even (forgive the term) hysteria.

When I asked Tara if social contagion could be the cause of the nonbinary movement, she paused for long enough that I thought she may have hung up the phone. “Yes,” she said. “But I can’t really say that to anyone.” The professional risks are too great.

#katie herzog #substack