#I think you’ll find that whatever controversial takes you have. there are more people who agree with you than you realize

[anti-dazai-blog]

how do you deal with hate? like from what I understand, you posted your first "controversial" post knowing that people might hate you for it, and you did so anyways. even tho it might have felt like you were the only one who believed those things at the time. where do you get the confidence? cause honestly that was such a slay.

Like, obvi we all have our own opinions and I don't agree with everything you said but the confidence you had.. grrrr i like it so much 💗💗 i love it when people are real with their opinions.

okay ty, im sorry for rambling, gonna stop here now 😭😭

I really want to play it cool and say something like “I just don’t care what people think of me,” but honestly? Yeah I was terrified of posting my first BSD-related post.

I had been enjoying the BSD fandom from afar for about a year before posting anything about it. I’ve always had this personal pet peeve when (fictional or real) bullies get a free pass to be assholes when they’re conventionally attractive, but that applies to all fandoms, not just BSD and not just Dazai. 

(Note that that’s not a moral stance, there’s nothing wrong with liking a morally grey character, and there’s nothing wrong with finding a bad (fictional or real) person to be physically attractive. This pet peeve of mine stems more from how (fictional) bullies who aren’t attractive are seen as the biggest evil unleashed upon the world, while fictional bullies who are attractive are seen as The Ideal Boyfriend)

One day I saw a post pointing out one of the things Dazai did that bothered me, and I really wanted to add to it via reblog, but I was concerned I’d derail the original post, so I screenshot it and wrote a whole follow-up rant. 

Then I saved that post in my drafts for three days.

I posted something vague like “I really want to talk about this one character from this one fandom, but the fandom is very aggressive and they’d burn me at the stake if I said anything too controversial”

I don’t think I intended to explicitly tag it with anything searchable, but I must have said something like “#yeah this is about bsd those guys are scary”— apparently that counts as tagging it #bsd by tumblr’s standards, and someone from the bsd fandom (who I’m now mutuals with) responded with something like “most of us are nice! We wanna hear what you have to say!!” 

That was enough motivation for me to get that post out of drafts, and even then I didn’t post it immediately. I scheduled it to post for a time when I wasn’t home, so that if there’d be backlash I wouldn’t have to witness it live and I could just delete the post later.

Not only was there no backlash, but hardly anyone saw the post. Iirc it got between 3-5 notes. That was what gave me the confidence to continue talking about my (admittedly controversial) fandom opinions. 

My main blog is primarily a Shakespeare/Classic Lit blog, and the online fandom for those things encourages controversial opinions (as opposed to the standard anime blog, where it seems like posting controversy is a taboo). So once I had the confidence to interact with an anime fandom in the first place, it wasn’t too hard to post my controversial opinions, because that’s the internet culture I’m more used to.

As for how I deal with the hate, you’ll be glad to know there’s only one person on this entire site who sends (bsd-related) hate. If you’ve received any hate, it’s from her. So while I have received hate messages (everything ranging from “your blog sucks” to graphic suicide bate and murder threats), knowing it’s all from the same person makes it all pretty meaningless. Everyone else on tumblr just blocks what they don’t want to see, either by blocking blogs they’d like to avoid or by blocking tags for subjects that annoy them. 

Since I tag anything that speaks of Dazai in a negative way as “#anti Dazai,” I don’t often run into people who don’t want to see negative character analysis who’ve discovered my posts accidentally.

If you want to post about something, go right ahead! The people who enjoy the content you make will follow you, and the people who don’t will block you, and everyone will curate their own tumblr experience to make this site something we can all enjoy. Admittedly if the fandom you’d like to post to is bsd, you WILL get harassed by that one person, but everyone else in this fandom has gotten harassed by her too. We mostly just ignore her at this point. 

Posting controversial opinions to fandom spaces can be scary, but if you have something you’d like to post, go for it! I personally would recommend starting a side blog for it, that way if things really do get out of hand you could delete it easily without losing your tumblr account. But the most likely outcome is that it wouldn’t gain enough traction for anyone to be overly bothered by it. Controversial things are more often ignored than hated on.

(For context, I’m referring to this blog too! I’m a tiny little blog. So please don’t interpret that as some veiled insult, I’m in this group of “tiny controversial fandom blog” too)

Anyway. Best of luck to you!! And remember, the point of posting things is to have fun! If it’s causing more stress than enjoyment, there’s no shame in taking a break or logging off for a bit. I’ve taken multiple breaks, and I only post to the Anti-Dazai Series when I enjoy what I’m posting. 

[Also. I absolutely love controversial fandom opinions, especially if they’re well written. It doesn’t matter to me whether or not I agree, so long as it’s a cool or original take on the source material. So if you wanna dm me, I’ll definitely follow you and your blog full of all your hottest takes]

#Anti-Dazai Asks #The internet it scary! Fandom spaces are scary!! #You’re right and I agree with you!! #The hardest part is getting started. Once you start posting the people who like your stuff will follow #Plus maybe more people agree with you than you think!! #You never know until you take the initiative #I have more mutuals here than I ever would have guessed #I think you’ll find that whatever controversial takes you have. there are more people who agree with you than you realize #I’m honored that you view me as a confident sort of person though!! #I’m actually Just Some Guy (<-girl)

[missparker]

20 questions for fic writers:

thanks for the tag, @idoltina!!

how many works do you have on ao3? 127

what's your total ao3 word count? 2,230,172. that feels like a lot. i’m like 26 years into this gig. 

what fandoms do you write for? the closer/major crimes, stargate sg1, and star trek: voyager are kind of the big three, but i dabble around. 

what are your top five fics by kudos? all i know is we said hello and your eyes looked like coming home - 1523 kudos where i’m going now, i don’t know - 1086 kudos the rise, fall, and rebirth of hermione granger - 1048 kudos the devil’s right there in the details - 1028 kudos here comes the rush before we touch - 940 kudos

do you respond to comments? why or why not? for a long time i wasn’t very good at it because the idea of that kind of interaction made me a little anxious, but once we made the leap to ao3, i feel like the mechanism for giving and receiving comments was overall better and now i at least try to respond to the majority. sometimes if someone is reading something and comments on every chapter, i’ll just respond to their final comment, but most likely if you leave me a comment i will (eventually) reply back.

what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I would say either Sometimes So Sweet, Sometimes So Lonely which is the last part of the Beauty and Nothing More series which was… controversial. Well. I think people didn’t like it, but respected it, if that makes sense. OR Eighteen Again which is old and I think if I rewrote, I could do it better but I never will. Oh actually I’m wrong, it’s Deep City Lights. For sure, for sure.  

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? MAYBE These Hearts Adore? PERHAPS something else but mostly all you get is happy endings, I think. 

do you get hate on fics? no. which is so nice. thanks guys. 

do you write smut? if so, what kind? the gay kind mostly! i didn’t always but i do now, so you’ll find it in my more recent stuff. 

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written? I wrote a Sanctuary story that takes place in the Buffy universe, kind of. An alternate universe. (Just a Whisper in the Dark.) I wrote a Voyager story that kind of waded into TNG a little. (And Beneath That, A Rebel Heart.) I think those are as close as I ever got. 

have you ever had a fic stolen? i don’t think so? i’ve had lines lifted. you know where i’ve been going along reading a fic of someone who maybe isn’t a mutual but is in the circle and it starts feeling real familiar, but not the whole thing, to my knowledge. 

have you ever had a fic translated? yes, definitely. some people ask, some don’t.

have you ever co-written a fic before? yes, This Body’s Yours and This Body’s Mine was a co-write as was Hot as a Fever, Rattle of Bones. 

what's your all-time favorite ship? i mean, i’ve obvi kind of made brenda/sharon my life’s work or whatever, but for straight ships, gotta go janeway/paris. 

what's the wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i have a sequel to Gone that i have 10k words written and i just got into a corner and never worked my way out, but sometimes perhaps. sure, it’s been sitting in my WIP folder since 2012 but YOU NEVER KNOW.

what are your writing strengths? characterization, and uh… vibes? pacing? 

what are your writing weaknesses? i never plot ahead. what’s going to happen next? you know as much as i do. 

first fandom you wrote for? x-files, in a three ring binder, in my childhood bedroom

favourite fic you've ever written? how dare you! probably giving up on greener grasses. 

ok tagging @grissomesque, @nandamai, @ylizam, @kyrafic, and @thiswillonlyhurtalittle

#fic life

[benbamboozled]

Okay as someone who only tangentially knows about nightwing, I enjoyed the grayson series. I'm a whole-ass lesbian but watching him walk shirtless through a desert carrying a baby? I suddenly understood the whole "being straight" thing. Grayson cured my heterophobia lololol.

ANYWAYS it seems like you've actually read other nightwing comics so I was wondering what your take on the grayson series is? Is it OOC? If not, do you have any other comic recs where I can 👀 that 🍑?

Lol I actually haven’t read Grayson! Because…lol, okay, THIS IS STUPID I AM FULLY AWARE OF THAT, but because I resent the idea that Dick Grayson needed a series where he’s ALSO a super cool hot spy who’s a badass hot spy. ~~~OOOOH GOOD FOR YOOOOOU!!!!~~~

(Yes this is one of my personal foibles, sometimes I resent things for existing because I am odd and petty.)

I’ve thought about reading it for The Pretty, but I know certain fandom circles are, uh…less than enthusiastic about it, and certain other character fans are less than enthusiastic about it (*cough* Midnighter), so I just haven’t decided that I’m open to potentially being grumpified in favor of The Pretty yet.

Basically, I absolutely cannot speak on how IC or not it is. 🙃 I do know that I’ve read two things by Tim Seeley—one I like that a lot of people don’t (Robins) and one that was ABSOLUTELY ATROCIOUS LIKE TERRIBLE ON EVERY POSSIBLE LEVEL GAG VOMIT UGGGHHHH (Countdown to the Wedding: Red Hood vs Anarky—do not punish yourself with this it is so bad).

Sooooo I have no idea what that says about whether or not I’d appreciate Grayson!

Honestly, though, my Dick Grayson absorption is all over the map, so I’m not so much a great person to give recs I think.

Like, my foundational Dick run (hm) was Devin Grayson’s Nightwing run and, uh, that run is CONTROVERSIAL (to put it mildly), for some reasons that I agree with and some that I don’t. It also left me with a…very particular set of preferences when it comes to Dick Grayson In Comics.

(You know how 1984 starts with “imagine a boot stamping on a human face—forever”? Yeeeeeahhhh.)

If you’re in just for the pretty, the current Nightwing run—Leaping Into the Light (kind of a soft-reboot of the premise starting with #78 of the 2016 run)—is REALLY gorgeous. Like…wow. Not so much on a beefcake level necessarily, but like…gorgeous man f-i-n-g-e-r-s-t-r-i-p-e-s acrobatics long legs strong back mmmmmmmm. (I cannot be more coherent than that, just…guh.)

(I do NOT keep up with this book for the plot. The plot is…sigh. Lackluster. And the characterization is…kind of generic. AND IT TOOK NIGHTWING #93—A CONTROVERSIAL YET IMO GROUNDBREAKING ISSUE—AND BASICALLY RE-DID IT IN A WAY I FIND FRANKLY PRETTY OFFENSIVE BOTH TO STORYTELLING IN GENERAL AND THE WAY IT TREATED THE ISSUES ORIGINALLY HANDLED IN THE COMIC. ANYWAY like I said, I’m shallow and into it for the pretty pictures. Also it’s DC, and my evergreen tag “comics are bad and I hate them” is evergreen for a reason.)

I’m certain that other people who follow me have better recs/suggestions, so if anyone who follows me has insight on Grayson or feelings about good Nightwing runs for (*cough*) 🍑-purposes and wants to chime in, feel free! Reblog, reply, whatevs!

(Just, you know…if you have STRONG feelings, try to remember the “don’t yuck someone’s yum” principle. Criticism/analysis+discussion is great, but I try to keep things not suuuuper OTT negative. I don’t want anyone to feel bad about liking things.)

(No yucking anyone’s yum unless it’s Tim Seeley writing Red Hood vs. Anarky. I will never be nice about that comic and nobody can make me.)

Hopefully you’ll get some better info, anon!

#ask answered #in a very roundabout and rambling way that boils down to ‘I don’t have a good answer’ sigh. #Dick Grayson #Nightwing #i have seen some panels of RiC gRaYsOn that have made me Intrigued (tm) ngl. #i am a shallow beast at heart. #hopefully some of these words were useful. #god Bruno Redondo…I resent your eye for aesthetics because otherwise I could just look away.

[mittwoch-addams]

u and ur tattle tale anons need to grow up. none of u need to visit l chat when u clealry hate the place. if u people didn't encourage that annoying beth mead stan 90% of the ellie trolling there wouldn't even happen. u and ur anons bait and feed her and it makes the trolling against ellie and daan worse but u do it so u can play victim and get ur sassy, snarky little digs in. u have to admit ur own role in perpetuating the abuse too. take a good hard look in the mirror and reflect on what u could do differently.

So many projections and assumptions on this ask, LMAO. Time for an I Ain’t Reading All That response, but you asked for it.

1. Why would I go on LChat? Not that I care to vlog my every day life, but there’s so much more to my world than wasting my time with barbarians on an anonymous, clamorous environment like LChat. I’m not attached enough to sport or faceless discourse to write full think pieces on the internet–of all places–when I can have civilized conversations with football fans offline, who don’t care for such things either.

2. I’ve always been transparent about my staunch distaste for certain systemic ideologies, long before Mead has revealed her nature btw. Club rivalry aside, I’ve expressed my disappointment and disapproval for her politics and Arsenal stan culture, but beyond that, realize I have her muted because I don’t trust her self-censure abilities. You’ll find I don’t have to make any serious effort toward keeping up with what doesn’t pique my interest, or anybody I don’t even find physically and morally attractive. She blows up anyway because she’s behind the steering wheel and buries herself in controversies. TLDR: Anything I know of her, I know against my will. She’s not interesting enough to even bait and typing this up is the most I’ve cared.

3. “If you people didn’t encourage…the Beth stan wouldn’t…” Be for fucking real sweetheart. Beth stans are relentlessly obsessive of Ellie/Daan and that’s unequivocally on them to stop consuming content they know triggers them, LOL. (And why should that trigger them?) These are full grown adults, as are you apparently. I’m honored though how you’ve shifted this responsibility to me.

4. One quick Twitter search will tell you no fan ever needed my encouragement. 1.5K quote tweets on an Arsenal team photo will tell you people with any working mind are antagonized all on their own accord.

Maybe Mead should change her politics? If it affects you so deeply, maybe you should spend less time on LChat? Maybe LChat should do better to tighten up security. Maybe take your own advice and take a hard look in the mirror than whine about the clicks that led you to your computer screen? Be a bit more proactive, yeah? Ignore what you don’t want to see and go out more? Maybe you and any other stan in shambles should hop off my dick and stop inviting yourselves and your narratives into people’s relationships and spaces that aren’t your own? Maybe you all need to learn to look at couples and contrasting opinions without taking it so personally? Maybe you should just stop being offended?

Utilize the block button more, baby. If I’m known for my strong opinions and everyone knows this is my politics, then why deliberately camp on my silly little blog anyway? Why become so distraught when other people find politics like that oppressive and offensive? Am I supposed to “stan” someone I don’t agree with? Should I refrain from voicing my opinions so you don’t cry about it at night? Why should everyone remain the same but it is only I who should change for someone like you? Who made you god?

Anyway, back to my cooking lmao feel free to screenshot and reread as needed. Whatever gets through the crevices of your skull.

[geniusincotomepremiumoption]

Shinigami Soul Agency: Season 2, Part 2

Episode 8

Enma’s Premium Option, “Charm Enma to stall for time.”

I push away all feelings of hatred…

And draw upon every ounce of unwarranted empathy I can muster for the man before me.

MC: Hey, listen to me…

His brows jump, and he grabs my wrist as I reach my hand to touch his face.

Enma: What’re you—

I can feel the way he tries to get into my thoughts, looking for an ulterior motive.

When I remove his hand, he hesitates.

His face tightens as he tries to fight something internally.

MC: You actually don’t want to hurt people.

As my voice breaks while saying it, and I strengthen my resolve, pouring as much sympathy as I can into my thoughts.

He flinches at my touch, and I gasp at how inhumanly cold he is.

After a brief moment of silence, his eyes searching my face, I feel him retreat from my thoughts.

Enma: So now she gets it…

Enma: I am nothing like those weak fools you choose to surround yourself with.

I mentally heave a sigh of relief.

(He’s still a monster, but the monsters I’ve grown accustomed to don’t have this level of self-awareness.)

Enma: I do what I must. Whether people get hurt along the way or not does not rest on my conscience.

Enma pinches my chin and, and I lean into it.

MC: What did you have to go through to become a Writer?

Enma: I inherited it.

Enma: You don’t understand how powerful a Writer’s knowledge is.

He pauses.

Enma: It will torment you.

MC: Does it torment you?

My heart drums against my chest in a conflicted wave of emotions, and I realize that some of the sympathy I’m feeling is real.

Suddenly, his tendrils reach into my mind once more.

Enma: Ah, you—

His brow furrows, and his focus drops to my lips for a split second before he backs away.

An exasperated, breathy laugh comes from his amused smile.

Enma: You shouldn’t feel sympathetic.

Enma’s usually articulated speech becomes whispered and shaken.

MC: I’m still human.

MC: One of our most controversial traits is finding the capacity to feel something even when one doesn’t deserve it.

A smirk tugs at his lips.

Enma: Is that your excuse?

His head tilts to the side, and whatever energy that has kept me in place thus far disappears.

I can move but I don’t.

Enma: But I’m a monster—or so you say…

He’s teasing me, playing my game, but I no longer know who has the upper hand.

MC: So you think you don’t deserve any kind of… compassion for what you’ve gone through?

Enma: Absolutely not. I’ve accepted my role and will finish what’s been started…

Enma: Why? Do you?

He lowers his mouth close to mine, and I can taste the wine on his breath.

Enma: We could find out right now…

He runs a finger along the palm of my hand.

Enma: Make me feel something…

Enma: Anything…

My breath catches as he stares deeply into my eyes, and carefully, I take a step back.I hear a faint echo of my name, and the sound snaps me out of my stupor.

MC: You’re an evil, evil being, Enma, and you’ve abused the role entrusted to you.

MC: Your actions will never be justified.

MC: I don’t know your story, but it’s clear that somewhere along the way, you lost yourself entirely.

MC: I hate that for just a moment, I felt that true sympathy for you.

Neither of us breaks eye contact.

Enma: That is indeed a weakness…

Enma: I’m glad you corrected yourself. It’d be a mistake otherwise.

MC: You don’t need to remind me.

Setsuna’s Premium Option, “Return Setsuna’s love.”

A surge of warmth spreads throughout my body.

MC: If you’ll have me like this… and set aside your guilt, then I’m also yours—I always have been.

MC:  Before I knew who you were, before I fell in love with you…

I cup his face and fight to articulate my thoughts.

MC: You’ve saved me twice.

MC: I don’t know what the universe has in mind, but this, right here…

MC: Was pretty obvious.

MC: It just took a while.

Setsuna: It did, indeed.

Setsuna delicately places a kiss and moves to a place more on my eyelids and then my nose.

With each one, a trail of glistening green light radiates from where he touches.

(I wonder if this is the connection…)

Setsuna: When this is all over, I’ll take care of this—

His eyes follow the tiny bursts of light down to my arms.

MC: I like it.

MC: it doesn’t feel any different, and it doesn’t change the way I feel about you.

Setsuna: Atsushi was miserable, MC…

MC: His didn’t come from a place of consent, purity, or love…

My heart breaks once again at the thought that his and my experiences have always been so polarized.

(Atsushi deserves the world.)

Setsuna: You don’t mind this?

He brushes a thumb over the vines.

MC: Do you?

He kisses my wrist.

Setsuna: Not at all. It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.

MC: It’s our story, every leaf—a memory. But Setsuna…

I smile at the thought.

MC: Why was the flower the most important thing to you?

Setsuna: Does it need saying?

He rests his forehead against mine and sighs.

Setsuna: As much as I don’t want to, I need to leave and finish things. Riku and Atsushi are downstairs waiting.

I freeze up.

(The party. Enma.)

MC: How long was I out for?

Setsuna: Forty minutes.

I try to get up, but the pain and Setsuna’s hand prevent me.

MC: I’m going with you.

Setsuna: Your chest was ripped open, MC.

MC: I’m dead.

Setsuna: Not yet, not fully. Atsushi said…

He looks away with a wince.

Setsuna: The transition period makes you vulnerable. Saburo had to lock him up in a room to prevent him from acting on his misery.

I clench my hands, and an unfamiliar rage bubbles within me.

Sensing it, Setsuna holds me against him and brushes my hair.

Setsuna: I know.

Setsuna: So please, just try to rest.

MC: You know that won’t be possible for me.

I expect him to shut down my protest.

Setsuna: You’re covered in blood…

He sighs.

Setsuna: At least get out of that damned dress, then.

It’s only now that I notice my upper half is wrapped in cloth while the bottom half of the dress remains intact.

MC: I think it’s the perfect armor to ‘greet’ him in.

He looks me over, and I can only imagine how I must look based on his concern.

Setsuna: Alright.

Episode 9

Riku’s Premium Option, “Comfort and kiss Riku.”

I’ve never seen this much blood before.

But all I want to do is take him in my arms and hold him.

MC: I-I—

With trembling hands, I bend down to brush the hair out of his face.

Then I lean in and leave a kiss on his lips.

As I gaze down at him, my tears drop from my cheeks to his.

MC: I love you too.

MC: So don’t you dare say it like it’s a farewell!

Riku: You’ll drown me with those tears, little wisp…

He tries to lift his head to look at his body, but he’s too weak.

Riku: Your reaction is telling me it doesn’t look good.

I wipe my eyes and force myself to put on a smile.

MC: You’ve seen better days.

Riku: I appreciate the honesty.

MC: I don’t have anything to stop the bleeding.

Riku: I’ve seen emergency responders press down on wounds with their hands before… but this is a first for me…

His speech begins to slur, and I send out an angry thought to any deity that may hear me.

(You will not take him from me.)

MC: Right. Like this?

I press my hands against his chest, and he cries out in pain.

MC: Oh god. I’m sorry—

Riku: Shh… Hey… I just appreciate the effort… Just—

Riku: Keep your hands there… It’ll numb eventually, right?

Riku: It’s my fault I’m so weak. A drink would make this so much easier.

He forces a laugh, trying to get me to smile like he always does when he knows I'm low.

MC: Don’t be silly…

He looks past me, and I follow his gaze to see Riku’s attacker now involved in Atsushi’s and Setsuna’s battle.

Riku: You can’t stay here while they’re fighting.

He coughs, and a gurgle trapped in his throat stops my heart.

MC: I need to get you out of here!

Riku: Hah… I knew asking was pointless…

Riku: You’ve always been so stubborn.

He tries to chuckle, but it comes out as more of a burble.

Riku: How about this… If you’re hurt… you won’t be able to—

Another cough.

MC: OK… alright…

MC: You have to stay awake though.

Riku: Another kiss for motivation?

I let out a laugh of frustration and love.

MC: You’ve just been stabbed and you’re making jokes.

His weak grin grows wider.

Riku: Your smile is gorgeous.

Riku: And especially sexy when you’re on the hunt with vengeance.

MC: Enough of this…

I lean in to kiss him and can only taste my tears.

Riku: Don’t be too hard on her…

MC: She’ll get what she deserves.

Female Acolyte: How incredibly revolting.

The acolyte finds space to distance herself from the fight and limps toward us.

I don’t spare her a glance, but I can feel my rage building.

MC: I love you so, so frustratingly much that if you don’t open your eyes after this, I will find a way to haunt you.

Riku: You can’t do that. I’d be the dead one.

MC: Riku!

Riku: Besides, I love you more.

Riku: Now go save the others—they need help.

Riku: I’m glad I got to see you…

Riku’s head slumps to the side, and I let out a cry.

Atsushi: … Riku?

I look up to see Atsushi staring at us with empty eyes.

Setsuna: Don’t stop—

Atsushi’s Premium Option, “Follow Atsushi to our kingdom.”

(The calla lily symbolizes rebirth.)

MC: It’s funny…

MC: Only now, on this third chance of life, do I feel complete.

I take the flower from him and close my eyes as I inhale its delicate fragrance.

An odd sensation overtakes me, and when I open my eyes again, I find myself standing in a throne room with Atsushi.

MC: Where are we?

Atsushi: A world I created just for the two of us to escape to.

He takes my hand and leans me toward my rightful seat at his side.

As I sit, I look down at the calla lily still resting in my hand.

A burning sensation in my palm causes me to jump slightly, and Atsushi’s affectionate expression turns worried.

Atsushi: Allergies?

(If only…)

The heat worsens, and it feels like my hand is physically on fire.

Atsushi: This doesn’t have to do with Setsuna’s siring of you, does it—

Suddenly, a flame bursts from my hand, threatening to ignite Atsushi’s flower.

But just as quickly, his cool, soothing hands are cupping mine and calm the flames.

He looks up at me with a raised eyebrow.

MC: The pen… was passed onto me.

His eyes widen, and he speaks low and cautiously.

Atsushi: The List Writer’s pen?

MC: I’m assuming there’s a way to get rid of it or pass it on to someone else, but yes!

I expose my palm to him—a glowing symbol is carved into it, and he traces the pattern with a finger.

Atsushi: You never do get a break, do you?

His brow furrows together.

Atsushi: I wasn’t expecting this.

MC: I-I don’t want it.

Atsushi: I know.

MC: Can I just refuse not to write?

I know the answer, but his response confirms it for me.

Atsushi: I’m assuming that’s why it’s punishing you.

MC: Then what do I do?!

He lifts my palm to his lips and kisses it.

Atsushi: Exactly what a queen does… but that depends.

Atsushi: Will you be a benevolent queen… Or will you fall to the same fate?

His ocean eyes are serene and tranquil as they gaze into mine.

Atsushi: No matter what you’ll choose, I’ll stand by your side.

MC: I would never follow that path!

MC: The suffering of others… I could never…

Atsushi: Exactly.

He closes my hand and cups it against mine.

Atsushi: Then don’t fear it. Especially now that we know it’s somewhere safe.

Atsushi: I wouldn’t have wanted it to go to anyone else…

He tenderly pulls me into a slow and deep kiss, careful of my injuries.

It’s soothing and peaceful, and I wish I could stay here in this moment forever.

MC: I’m afraid…

He speaks back in short and delicate kisses.

Atsushi: I’m right here. Always. Now and forever.

Atsushi: I love you, MC.

MC: I love you, too…

Even Atsushi’s touch can’t seem to drown out Enma’s last words.

He tried to warn me but those warnings could easily be lies.

Atsushi: I know where your head’s gone. Let me help you clear your mind…

His mouth hungrily falls to my jaw, and he signs it with his touch.

MC: You caught me…

Sighing contentedly, I fall into his embrace.

#genius inc otome #otomania #otome #otome game #otome romance #shinigami soul agency #genius inc #sorry this took so long stuff happens

[toriasimmons]

entertainment journalism and content farming

If it wasn’t apparent by now, I’ve parted ways with Comic Book Resources. There are no hard feelings, and it’s mostly just because I got a full-time job and the payoff wasn’t worth squeezing it into my busy schedule (and, quite frankly, said full-time job has been… taxing on my mental health for reasons I’d rather not get into yet). I kept thinking maybe I’d have the spoons to do more, but I didn’t, and that’s probably okay in the long run.

Now that I’m not part of the company, though, I wanted to say something about something. It’s not particularly original, and it can apply to media beyond specifically entertainment-focused news/features websites, but, I dunno, I wanted to talk about it.

Content farming. 

That’s what I’m talking about.

So much of the focus in media production (particularly websites and videos) is on SEO (search engine optimization) and getting clicks and staying relevant. This can be good if you’re interested in trending topics, because you’ll definitely be able to find what you’re looking for, but it also means a lot of rehashing, keyword-stuffing, appealing to the lowest common denominator, and disinterest in weird or niche or obscure topics. 

This isn’t just a CBR problem. I’ve seen it across entertainment journalism sites and trending pages on Instagram and YouTube. I’m sure it’s prevalent elsewhere, too.

If your goal is to produce content to get money, then I guess this is effective enough. You get clicks, you get hits, you get money. (And when I say “you,” I mean the site owners/higher-ups: make no mistake, the people producing the content are making laughably little money. More on this in a second.) But it harms the quality of the content you produce, in my opinion.

Some of my favorite articles that I wrote for CBR got laughably little attention. I’m not sure if this is because they weren’t actually interesting to a lot of people or because of algorithms or because the higher-ups thought they wouldn’t perform well and didn’t promote them as much or what, but it’s very frustrating. 

The article I wrote about Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness and the MCU’s motherhood problem was genuinely something I was really proud of, and I thought it was pretty relevant and important, but for whatever reason it got a fraction of the reach or hits. The article I wrote about the Dark Willow trope (also pertaining to Multiverse of Madness, but also discussing Daenerys, Willow herself, Nico from Runaways, and how they tried to tease that they were doing this with Rey from Star Wars) got a big bunch of hits, but for some reason they went in really hard on parts of what I was discussing (Buffy, Star Wars) and underplayed Multiverse of Madness itself in the headline/image/etc. and when I dared to read comments on a repost link all of them were from dudebros who said that I was desperate to be persecuted and called me an infant for not understanding that stories have conflicts. Am I saying that CBR framed it the way they did because they knew it would make people mad and in doing so underplayed the actual point I was trying to make? Not definitively, but in conjunction with the other half of that point (the other article) performing so poorly, it does kind of feel like they prioritize controversy over content or trying to actually take interesting stances.

Now the money thing.

When I started for CBR they paid per word (fractions of pennies) and per hit (fractions of pennies). They moved to a purely per hit model (still paying fractions of pennies) and offered incentives for posting dozens of articles in a short period of time. I don’t know if you know this about entertainment journalism, but if you want to write 30+ things a month, even short things, you would basically have to spend all of the hours you weren’t writing watching things. And watching current things, and watching things you could make a lot of points about.

It’s basically impossible to write for a site like this and make more than pocket change (unless, again, you’re literally just consuming media and cranking out articles and doing Nothing Else). That’s my point. And per the above, even if you were really proud about, say, an article you wrote about a female character deserving better, it might (would probably) still perform drastically less well than an article about whether Iron Man or Thanos would win in a farting contest.

Freelance rates in general aren’t great; creators in general are undervalued and underpaid. I’ve done some cursory research, though, and it’s considered pretty standard to charge between .20-.30 cents per word… for a 1000+ word article. That means that even the low end of that would net you $200 per piece.

In my time at CBR, I made a paycheck that went into the triple digits once.

I wasn’t writing a ton of articles. I was doing a couple a week for a while, and it was during that period that I hit the triple digits. But using industry standards, that would be an okay job. Maybe like $200-400 a week, $800-1600 a month. I don’t think I made $1600 the entire 2+ years I wrote for them.

This isn’t a secret. The pay rates are in the job ads and stuff. (Standard industry pay rates are not, but those also aren’t a secret.)

Once I had a real job, the motivation to crank out articles and make roughly per two-week paycheck what I make in an hour or two at said job dwindled. The push to focus on Trending Topics (some of which, frankly, I don’t give a shit about) and stuff headings/articles with keywords and pointless backlinks and social media embeds didn’t help.

And yeah, I admit I didn’t directly quit for a while. But I’ve had some shit going on and it honestly hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind. We parted amicably enough, so I’m not too worried. (And it’s not like I’m going to use anyone at the company as a reference, since I didn’t actually work with anyone enough to know more than their names, pronouns, and job title, if that.)

I am grateful for the opportunity at CBR. It’s super cool that I got an official byline and that I got paid at least pennies for doing something I like. But the way that they produce content and the way I want to produce content don’t really mesh. Maybe (hopefully) I’ll find a freelancing/writing gig that’s a little more in line with my creative process and interests, and now I have a clearer idea of what those are.

And maybe let’s start paying artists better and prioritizing the content of the content. That too.

(For the record, this wasn’t edited or thought out. It’s just some thoughts I’ve been thinking.)

#IRL #creativity #entertainment journalism

[dfroza]

“Can you see that I’m asking you to choose whose side you’re on—working with Me or fighting against Me?”

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 11th chapter of the book of Luke:

Another time Jesus was praying, and when He finished, one of His disciples approached Him.

Disciple: Teacher, would You teach us Your way of prayer? John taught his disciples his way of prayer, and we’re hoping You’ll do the same.

Jesus: Here’s how to pray:

Father [in heaven], may Your name be revered.

May Your kingdom come.

[May Your will be accomplished on earth

as it is in heaven.]

Give us the food we need for tomorrow,

And forgive us for our wrongs,

for we forgive those who wrong us.

And lead us away from temptation.

[And save us from the evil one.]

Imagine that one of your friends comes over at midnight. He bangs on the door and shouts, “Friend, will you lend me three loaves of bread? A friend of mine just showed up unexpectedly from a journey, and I don’t have anything to feed him.” Would you shout out from your bed, “I’m already in bed, and so are the kids. I already locked the door. I can’t be bothered”? You know this as well as I do: even if you didn’t care that this fellow was your friend, if he keeps knocking long enough, you’ll get up and give him whatever he needs simply because of his brash persistence!

So listen: Keep on asking, and you will receive. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened for you. All who keep asking will receive, all who keep seeking will find, and doors will open to those who keep knocking.

Some of you are fathers, so ask yourselves this: if your son comes up to you and asks for a fish for dinner, will you give him a snake instead? If your boy wants an egg to eat, will you give him a scorpion? Look, all of you are flawed in so many ways, yet in spite of all your faults, you know how to give good gifts to your children. How much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to all who ask!

Picture this:

Jesus is exorcising a demon that has long kept a man from speaking. When the demon is expelled, the man starts talking and the people are amazed. But then controversy erupts.

Some People: Do you know why He can cast out demons? It’s because He’s in league with the demon prince, Beelzebul.

Other people want to see more, so they challenge Jesus to give them another miraculous sign. Jesus knows what they’re thinking.

Jesus: People, be logical. If a kingdom is divided against itself, it will collapse. If a ruling family is divided against itself, it will fall apart.

So if Satan’s kingdom is divided against itself, won’t his whole enterprise collapse? Does it make any sense to say I’m casting out demons by Beelzebul? Besides, if you’re saying it takes satanic power to cast out Satan, by whose power do your own exorcists work? If you condemn Me for an exorcism, you’ll have to condemn them. But if I by the power of God cast out demonic spirits, then face this fact: the kingdom of God is here, just as I’ve been saying.

When a man of power with his full array of weapons guards his own palace, everything inside is secure. But when a new man who is stronger and better armed attacks the palace, the old ruler will be overcome, his weapons and trusted defenses will be removed, and his treasures will be plundered. Can you see that I’m asking you to choose whose side you’re on—working with Me or fighting against Me?

When a demonic spirit is expelled from someone, he wanders through waterless wastelands seeking rest. But there is no rest for him anywhere, so he says, “I’m going back to my old house.” He returns and finds the old house has been swept clean and fixed up again. So he goes and finds seven other spirits even worse than he is, and they make themselves at home in the man’s life so that he’s worse off now than he was before.

As He is speaking, a woman shouts out from the crowd and interrupts Him.

Woman: How blessed is Your mother’s womb for bearing You! How blessed are her breasts for nursing You!

Jesus: No, how blessed are those who hear God’s voice and make God’s message their way of life.

Jesus was becoming more and more popular, and the crowds swelled wherever He went. He wasn’t impressed.

Jesus: This generation is evil. These people are seeking signs and spectacles, but I’m not going to play their game. The only sign they will be given is the sign of Jonah. Just as Jonah became a sign to the people of Nineveh, so will the Son of Man be to this generation.

The queen of Ethiopia will stand to condemn the people of this generation on the day of judgment. She, an outsider, came from so far away to hear the wisdom given to Solomon, but now, something greater than Solomon is here: how are the people of this generation responding?

Similarly, the people of Nineveh will stand to condemn the people of this generation on the day of judgment. They, outsiders, responded and changed because of the preaching of Jonah, but now, something greater than Jonah is here: how are the people of this generation responding?

You need a light to see. Only an idiot would light a lamp and then put it beneath the floor or under a bucket. No, any intelligent person would put the lamp on a table so everyone who comes in the house can see. Listen, your eye, your outlook, the way you see is your lamp. If your way of seeing is functioning well, then your whole life will be enlightened. But if your way of seeing is darkened, then your life will be a dark, dark place. So be careful, people, because your light may be malfunctioning. If your outlook is good, then your whole life will be bright, with no shadowy corners, as when a radiant lamp brightens your home.

A Pharisee interrupted His speech with an invitation to dinner. Jesus accepted the invitation and took His place at his table. The Pharisee was offended that Jesus didn’t perform the ceremonial handwashing before eating—something Pharisees were fastidious about doing.

Jesus: You Pharisees are a walking contradiction. You are so concerned about external things—like someone who washes the outside of a cup and bowl but never cleans the inside, which is what counts! Beneath your fastidious exterior is a mess of extortion and filth.

You guys don’t get it. Did the potter make the outside but not the inside too? If you were full of goodness within, you could overflow with generosity from within, and if you did that, everything would be clean for you.

Woe to you, Pharisees! Judgment will come on you! You are fastidious about tithing—keeping account of every little leaf of mint and herb—but you neglect what really matters: justice and the love of God! If you’d get straight on what really matters, then your fastidiousness about little things would be worth something.

Woe to you, Pharisees! Judgment will come on you! What you really love is having people fawn over you when you take the seat of honor in the synagogue or when you are greeted in the public market.

Wake up! See what you’ve become! Woe to you; you’re like a field full of unmarked graves. People walk on the field and have no idea of the corruption that’s a few inches beneath their feet.

Scholar (sitting at Jesus’ table): Rabbi, if You insult the Pharisees, then You insult us too.

Jesus: Well, now that you mention it, watch out, all you religious scholars! Judgment will come on you too! You load other people down with unbearable burdens of rules and regulations, but you don’t lift a finger to help others. Woe to you; you don’t fool anybody! You seem very religious—honoring the prophets by building them elaborate memorial tombs. Come to think of it, that’s very fitting, since you’re so much like the people who killed the prophets! They killed the prophets; you build their tombs—you’re all in the same family business!

This is why the Wisdom of God said, “I will send these people My prophets and emissaries, and these people will kill and persecute many of them.” As a result, this generation will be held accountable for the blood of all the prophets shed from the very beginning of time, from Abel’s blood to Zechariah’s blood, who was killed in the temple itself between the altar and the holy place. I’m serious: this generation will be held accountable.

So, religious scholars, judgment will come on you! You’re supposed to be teachers, unlocking the door of knowledge and guiding people through it. But the fact is, you’ve never even passed through the doorway yourselves. You’ve taken the key, left the door locked tight, and stood in the way of everyone who sought entry.

After that dinner, things were never the same. The religious scholars and Pharisees put constant pressure on Jesus, trying to trap Him and trick Him into saying things they could use to bring Him down.

The Book of Luke, Chapter 11 (The Voice)

Today’s paired reading from the First Testament is the 3rd chapter of the book of Malachi:

These are the words of the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies:

Eternal One: Pay attention! I am sending My messenger,

and he will clear the road ahead for Me.

The Lord you seek will suddenly arrive at His temple.

And the Messenger of God’s covenant, your soul’s delight,

Watch, because He, too, is coming.

Can anyone live through the day when He arrives?

Will anyone be left standing when He appears?

He is a purifying fire;

He is like lye soap.

Like a refiner of silver,

He will purify the descendants of Levi—

Until they are pure, unalloyed gold and silver.

Then they will draw near to the Eternal One,

Presenting offerings with righteous, clean hands.

Then the Eternal One will unequivocally accept the sweet offering of Judah and Jerusalem as He did in the days of old, as in the former years when the covenant was new.

Eternal One: Then I will approach you for judgment, and I will be a swift witness against the constant sorcerers; the chronic adulterers; the habitual liars; those who continue cheating wages from their hired laborer, a widow, or an orphan; and those who always reject the immigrant, not fearing Me, the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies. Because I am the Eternal One, I never change; as a result, you children of Jacob have not been destroyed though your blessing may have been delayed.

From the days when your ancestors served Me, you have turned from and ignored My statutes. Return to Me and I, the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies, will return to you. But you shameless people ask, “How will we return? Will someone steal from God?” Yet you are always stealing from Me! But you self-centered people still ask, “How have we stolen from You?” In the tithes and the offerings you have not given Me as the law requires! You are cursed with a curse, for as an entire nation you are stealing from Me. To rectify this situation, you must bring the entire tithe into the storage house in the temple so that there may be food for Me and for the Levites in My house. Feel free to test Me now in this. See whether or not I, the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies, will open the windows of heaven to you and pour a blessing down upon you until all needs are satisfied. I will rebuke the swarm of locusts devouring your crops, and the devourer will not cause the produce you have grown in the earth to decay or the vines in the field to drop their grapes. And all the nations will call you blessed, for you will be a land of delight. I, the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies, promise you this.

Your words of rebellion against Me have been strong. Yet you ask, “What have we said against You?” You have said, “Serving God is a waste of time,” and, “What benefits have we received by following Him as we mourned on our journey before the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies? Now we believe the bluster of the arrogant and agree they are blessed; we encourage the wicked who also test God and escape.”

Then those who fear the Eternal One consulted each other about God’s charges, each one to his neighbor, and the Eternal One paid attention and heard. A book of remembrance was written before Him for those who honored the Eternal One and valued His name and the good reputation.

Eternal One: And they will be Mine on that day when I, the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies, make My unique treasure—which is the kingdom of Israel. I will have pity on them as a man has pity on his son who serves him.

And you will return and notice the difference between the righteous and the wicked, between those serving God and those not serving Him.

The Book of Malachi, Chapter 3 (The Voice)

A note from The Voice translation:

God declares His Anointed One will come, and the way will be prepared. Notice has been given: be ready.

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for friday, march 1 of 2024 with a paired chapter from each Testament (the First & the New) of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons about “within us” and “between us”:

“Let them make Me a mikdash (“holy place”) that I may dwell in their midst.”

====

The sages say that the meaning of a holy place, or "mishkan," is not only something "within us" but is also something we share *between us. As Yeshua said: "Where two or three are gathered in my Name, there I am in their midst" (Matt. 18:20).

The offering of the “half-shekel” (i.e., chatzi ha'shekel: חֲצִי הַשֶׁקֶל) that is mentioned in this week's Torah portion (i.e., Ki Tisa) symbolizes how each of us individually contributes to make a shared holy place of the Lord. Recall that each person, no matter how rich or how poor, was required to offer a half-shekel, that is, a small silver coin equal to a few dollars in today's currency, for the sake of the upbuilding of the sanctuary (Exod. 30:-12-16). Originally these half-shekels were collected (in a census) and then melted down to make the silver sockets for the mishkan, that is, sockets used to anchor the frame of the Holy Place (אַדְנֵי הַקֹּדֶשׁ) as well as to make hooks for the beams (ווִים לָעַמּוּדִים) to hold the inner veil (Exod. 38:27-28). The sages comment that these sockets and hooks secured the foundation and held the sanctuary in place -- a beautiful picture of how a part of each person upholds the sacred place.

Interestingly the half-shekel contribution was said to be an offering to "atone for your souls" (לְכַפֵּר עַל־נַפְשֹׁתֵיכֶם), which some sages said represents the giving of the soul to God, but it also suggests the need for atonement within the innermost chamber of the Holy of Holies (i.e., the heart). The Torah's language, however, makes it clear that the giving of the half-shekel is quite a serious matter, since its contribution created a sense of community that is vital to our spiritual well-being. We all need each other, and the half-shekel only has its place among other half-shekels, which is to say that a given individual contribution may seem insignificant, but it is equally important to the whole. The whole may be greater than the sum of its parts, but the parts are essential to make the whole...

Every “jot and tittel,” chaverim; the pattern of the Mishkan reveals much. Individual believers are “the temple of the living God” and “temples of the Holy Spirit” where God’s presence dwells (1 Cor. 6:19; 2 Cor. 6:16). Collectively we are “joined together to become a dwelling place of God in the Spirit (Eph. 2:21-22). We are brought together as “living stones” to form a "spiritual house" and to serve as priests who offer sacrifices of praise to God (1 Pet. 2:5).

The "Torah of the Half-Shekel" teaches that each of us has something essential to contribute to the sanctuary of God, and no one can be left out. The Holy Place belongs to us all. Amen.

[ Hebrew for Christians ]

========

Psalm 22:3 reading:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/psalm22-3-jjp.mp3

Hebrew page:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/psalm22-3-lesson.pdf

And another post about our Father’s care:

“But if God knows all that we need, and better far than we do ourselves, why should it be necessary to ask Him for anything?" I answer, "What if He knows prayer to be the thing we need first and most? What if the main object in God's idea of prayer be the supplying of our great, our endless need - the need of Himself?" - George MacDonald

====

We don't pray to attempt to change God's mind, but rather to change our own: "Your Father knows what you need before you ask him" (Matt. 6:8). Prayer is not a means of getting your Father's attention, but rather of getting your attention fixed on reality. It is a confession of your great need for Him to tell you who you really are. And while it is indeed true that "God knows everything," He does not know anything apart from his love. God does not "know" you in some “abstract” sense, like a computer that stores data and information, but rather as a parent who loves and cares for you (Psalm 103:13).

Your heavenly Father knows the number of hairs on your head; he knows the word on your tongue before you utter it, and he perfectly sees your beginning and end. He has intimate understanding of who you are and what you really need... Turn to Him in trust today.

[ Hebrew for Christians ]

========

Psalm 103:13 reading:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/psalm103-13-jjp.mp3

Hebrew page:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/psalm103-13-lesson.pdf

2.29.24 • Facebook

from yesterday’s email by Israel365:

Dry bones = impossible to revive

This is the meaning of the prophecy of Ezekiel.

It is worth noting that the “dry bones” prophecy in this chapter of Ezekiel begins with God bringing Ezekiel to a valley that was filled with bones. Notice that God did not tell Ezekiel to dig up bones from a grave. They were lying out in the open in the valley.

In other words, the “death” of the hopes of the nation of Israel was not some hidden matter. It was plain for all to see. Anyone alive for most of the past 2000 years would have asserted, just as Martin Luther did, that the revival of the nation of Israel was simply impossible and never going to happen.

With this in mind, the fact that the Jews never lost faith, but stubbornly clung to the promises of God, believing all the time that eventually He would lead them back to their homeland, is astounding. If we take a moment to think about it, the faith of the Jews that they would one day be revived as a nation is perhaps the greatest miracle of all.

The “impossibility” of the rebirth of the nation of Israel after so many centuries of exile and dispersion causes us to marvel at the faith of the Jews. Their confidence in the promises of God is a message to us all. Are there still promises of God in the Bible that we think are impossible and will never be fulfilled?

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

March 1, 2024

The Good Pleasure of God

“Wherefore also we pray always for you, that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfill all the good pleasure of his goodness, and the work of faith with power.” (2 Thessalonians 1:11)

God’s good pleasure withholds judgment! “It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23). “The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy. The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works” (Psalm 145:8-9).

God’s good pleasure is to do good to His people! “The LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11). “Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Psalm 37:3-4).

God’s good pleasure forgives us! “Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy. He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea” (Micah 7:18-19).

God’s good pleasure is to bring about His will! “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts....So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it” (Isaiah 55:9-11). “The Lord...is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). When we live in God’s good pleasure, we are able to “delight” in Him. HMM III

[mercurytrinemoon]

Another post on Moon signs you can drag me for

Before we get into the actual thing, I'd like to say this post initially started as something else but ultimately, what I tried to put across is, sometimes Moon signs aren’t that easy to decipher. It’s easy to grasp overall characteristics of the signs and then learn how to identify their specific traits. But what people seem to forget it that Moon represents the deepest side of us & our inner world - it’s uncommon to really see someone’s side of it unless you really pay attention. Sometimes I’m surprised to see what someone’s Moon sign is even if I know this person well. Meaning, people usually hide that part of them - or they just simply process it internally and others can’t see their emotional reactions. It’s also uncommon for folks these days to fully express their emotional needs so it gets even trickier to pin-point their Moon characteristics. I don't think I have to mention this but, of course, your entire chart should be taken into account, as well as house placement, aspects. Personally, I like to also look at Moon's dispositor.

Let’s start from my friends, Gemini Moons, who, I feel, get a bad rep for not showing their feelings and scanning every emotion like an AI. Nah-ah. I know this one Gemini Moon whose immediate emotional reactions aren’t very cerebral in the sense of processing everything in the mind and intellectualizing it aka, what people like to label as being un-emotional. Instead her reactions are often fast (air energy) but physically expressed through Mercury (Gemini Moon’s dispositor) and Sun (overall identity) – she has them both in Aries. She’s a crybaby who can burst into tears in a matter of seconds. So she’s not something that would stereotypically be assigned to a Gemini Moon. But what I did notice is that all Gemini Moons tend to have this weird look on their face when they’re processing stuff. As if they were about to have a brain malfunction; they stop and have that specific worried look. They also like to either gossip or tell stories (either real or made up lol); they’re great with words - they can talk for hours if they feel comfortable with you. They just crave interaction and mental stimulation. Their quick reactions tend to make them effortlessly witty. Even if they’re a withdrawn Gemini type, they make up for it through social media and technology or just a quiet exploration. My shy Cancer pal with Moon in Gemini is now a brand/website designer and an instagram queen who travels the world. This is great energy for content creators in general. And don’t forget that Geminis need to have their fingers in many pies. It’s because they always have a backup plan… and they get bored easily so they need that chaos around them to feel at home. They like to have options in everything, which is kind of funny cause it’s hard for them to make up their minds and actually choose something. And they store a lot of information in their brains… I feel like it must be exhausting, no? 

On the other side of the axis, whenever I see someone with a Sagittarius Moon, I can immediately say “yup, a Sag Moon indeed” (probably thanks to my Sag stellium), meaning, they all seem the same to me. Sag Moons often find comfort in exploration - best if it’s literal travel. They always seem to need to free themselves from their surroundings, family, roots or their own culture to discover something new and exciting, even if it’s only in the imaginary words - through books, movies and other medias. Their happiness always lies somewhere else from where they currently are. Like, I think all Sagittarius Moons that I know have left their parents and went their own paths early on. And they have this yolo attitude. Just like Sagittarius Suns, they’re massive dorks, probably also obnoxious… sometimes in a REALLY annoying way. They’re either a) very wise and curious b) lil preachy and stuck up c) just plain dumb clowns with no filter. But they’re all funny. And they take things lightly, with a natural ease. This means sometimes they may offend other people just because they assume everyone’s as chill as they are; „relax! I was just kidding!” - that’s a phrase you’ll hear from them often… I mean, unless you’re a jokester yourself and you’re unmoved by their sarcastic or teasing words. They have somewhat spiritual or philosophical nature so besides making you laugh, be prepared for deep monologues. They want to believe everything will eventually fall into place. It’s also hard to bring them down - or I should say, it’s hard to make them acknowledge that they're feeling down - they always try to distract or cover it up with a joke, usually a self-depricating one. If Sagittarius Moon (or Sagittarius in general tbh) is telling you that they’re unhappy, then it’s serious.

I’ve noticed there comes a point in life for a Libra Moon where they just have enough. They’re too nice for everyone and one day they wake up and yell about how they have to do everything for everyone and everyone wants something from them and bLah bLah. Makes me think of when Bieber was this overly nice kid and then he was like “I’M NOT TAKING PICTURES WITH FANS ANYMOREEEE AAGhJFJFUWIUq”. Yup, a Libra Moon, everyone. They know how to charm and appeal to people, I think overall they’re easily liked by others. Sometimes it’s simply because they like to kiss people’s ass just to avoid being rejected. That’d be a Libra Moon’s nightmare. They like other people’s company too much. And they thrive in relationships and in a big circle of friends. What they hate is confrontations (like every other Libra placement omg). They may be good mediators when it comes to other people but if they’re involved in an argument they get sooooo passive aggressive. They just don’t know how to handle conflicts - it’s as if their nervous system wasn’t designed for emotional outbursts (because, you know, everything needs to be peaceful and harmonious Venus-style). A fussy or angry Libra Moon will suddenly get loud as they blame someone for something… and then they’ll leave the room cause they’re scared to even hear the other side of the argument. Or, alternatively, they’ll make a doormat out of themselves just to stay quiet and avoid causing any rift. And making decisions? I think it’s common for them to have two different romantic interests and feeling so dramatically torned between them *Alexa play Agony from Into the Woods*. Then when they decide, they have problems breaking the bad news to one of them.

On the other end we have Aries Moons. *deep breath* Listen, I think I’ve said enough about having Moon in Aries (or rather purely dissing it) but last time it made a bit of controversy so why not wreak even more havoc. I have a good description for this one: I will punch you but be gentle with me cause it’s easy to break my fragile heart. So basically, imagine putting Buttercup and Bubbles into one person. And honestly, I need to say this, women with this placement are just hot badasses, look at friggin Angelina Jolie. The queen of badass. The queen of hot. People say because Aries folks move quickly (literally and figuratively lol), they often get bored with whatever got them excited last week... or yesterday. Ha, yeah, right. You get their heart to open up and they’re going to have their eyes for you ONLY, like a lil puppy. Give us treats and we’ll build our world around you. But NOT in a clingy way by any means, we need our space and independence after all. My lil niece is an Aries Moon and ever since I started playing guitar with her, she became my #1 fan or something. That’s the energy. But we get easily bored with day-to-day stuff so yeah, there’s that. Innocent and clumsy yet raw in their emotions - so there’s potential to make mistakes sometimes (or a lot of times) or having this tunnel vision, like „I want this and I don’t care about anything else!”. And then excusing it with some „but the heart wants what it wants” crap (looking @ ya, Selena Gomez). They experience constant inner movement and turbulence that needs a physical outlet in order to feel satisfied. WE NEED PASSION IN OUR LIVES, OKAY?!?!?? now leave me alone

Aquarius Moons aren’t as cold as you might think. People like to describe them as if their Moons actually disappeared from their charts: dEtaCheD, uNeMotiOnaL, tHey fEeL nOtHinG. It’s just they don’t sit and dwell on things, they find solutions to the problems. If something doesn’t make them feel right, they just leave that situation. They do care about other people’s well-being, they’re very sensitive in that regard, they’re humanitarians after all. Yeah, they detach, but from their own emotions - in order to make sense of them. They may seem like snow queens sometimes (and this comes from an Aqua rising) but they’re really friendly and if you pique Aqua Moon’s interest, they’re going to be curious about you. They like new exciting things so if you’re cool enough, you have their attention. Usually they’re pretty progressive as well and can’t stand injustice. That’s why you’ll see them standing up for those who are in need. Uranian energy gives them a specific type of sharp intuition and wit. Idk they’re just cute in a quirky way. But this buzzing, fast energy is a great recipe for anxiety, over-thinking and frequent changes of heart. Similarly to Sadges, they need constant exploration and stimuli. Intelligent, people-oriented (but not people-pleasing! Look to Libras for that), individualistic. They definitely need their own space and independence. Their decision-making is fast and it’s easy for them to just say „screw it, I’m doing this”. My Aquarius Moon friend just casually decided that she’s moving to Turkey cause nothing in our city (or even country) seems interesting or helping her expand… So she was like, see ya suckers, I’m leaving.

Leo Moons shine from within. You’ll spot them from a mile away even if they’re on the shyer side. They’re all lil stars no matter their profession. Very expressive people & easily excitable. Art galleries, live shows, theater - they love a creative environment even if they don’t pursue that lifestyle themselves... One of my Leo Moon friends is an art junkie – suggest taking her to an obscure play at the local bar, a music festival, a weird museum – she’ll say yes in the blink of an eye. And she loves discussing these things. A Leo Moon may not see themselves as artistically inclined, but usually sooner or later they at least try dipping their toes in music, arts, acting, dancing... you name it. They’ll learn a simple 3-chord song on a ukulele and then play it to you in excitement. Imagine a lil kid making you a puff piece and being super proud of it. Sometimes they just need some encouragement. Remember, Leos feed off of praise, that’s their fuel. Doesn’t mean they’re all proud, egotistical people but what it does mean is that they need a lil assurance to gain their self-confidence. I lived with a Leo Sun/Moon for almost 15 years (who’s a musician btw so yeah, a classic creative Leo type) - he did have some issues lol but ego wasn’t one of them. Drama followed him everywhere but I’m pretty sure he disliked it himself. BUT, with that being said, I feel like Leo Moons tend to dramatize themselves internally. People say it’s something Virgos or Geminis would do - because of their tendency to overthink, but Leos can just go straight to a worst-case scenario in their heads simply because they exaggerate everything. So don’t be surprised to see a Leo Moon feeling down and anxious. On the bright side, be their cheerleader and they’ll give that to you in return. They need sparks and dullness kills their upbeat spirit. They need to feel their own heartbeat so the feeling of excitement is crucial for their well-being. Romantic, giving and kind. They’re fixed fire so once they’re set on something or someone, they give their all and are rather loyal.

I feel like my chart low-key tells me I should dislike Taurus Moons but I just want to melt in their arms and just stay there? Like, forever? Low maintenance but a bit slow-moving and stubborn. They won’t settle easily, at least not officially, so you need to have a lot of patience with them. They need 3 things to feel secure and at peace: physical stimuli, time and a stable place they know they can always come back to. And it’s not like all of them are total lazy homebodies, they may be active spirits & travellers but they are going to have a reallyyyyy nice cosy flat somewhere near their childhood place (gotta be be close to their moms, you know). Not necessary materialistic but they may have one thing that they collect throughout their entire life and they won’t. ever. get. rid. of. it. There needs to be at least one constant in their life - like you know when Elton John decided to go to therapy but one thing he stuck to was shopaholism? Very Taurus Moon of him. Also, they’re very affectionate. In fact, may have issues differentiating between affection and passion - this is actually something Taurus Moon and Aries Moon have in common. Pro tip - and this is in regard to all Taurus placements - don’t smell bad when you’re around them (I mean, don't smell bad in general, no one likes stinky people lol). They have a sensitive smell. Doesn’t help that they like to smell everything. EVERYTHING. I swear, Taurus, stop sticking your nose in every single thing!!! You don't need to know how that piece of utensil smells like. Jeez.

Scorpio Moon (shoutout to those who remember me accidentally calling them sporpio last time I made a post on Moons lol). I honestly don’t know what to tell you... I feel like all you hear about Scorpio Moon is 100% true, there’s nothing to debunk here. It’s the Moon of extremes. Prone to jealousy and surpressing emotions; severe trust issues; they’re instigators. I was low-key bullied by a few Scorpio Moons when I was in school so there’s that. Very secretive and private. Scorpio Moon will be like “I’m in control of the situation!!!!” and you’ll just look at them and think, yeah, right, looks like the situation is controlling you. But keep being in denial, sure. Like, don’t get me wrong, Scorpios in general can be TOTAL SWEETHEARTS OMG but ya’ll have issues. Even celebrities who have this placements... Think Beyonce or Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus... I feel like they have issues lol, especially with control and the need for everything to be perfectly the way they want it to be. To be fair, that’s probably why they’re all so influential and high status: it’s either their way or highway. They need constant reinvention; they’re the ones to wake up one day and decide they’re going through a spiritual awakening blah blah. They also like to talk about dark and shocking topics while having casual lunch with you... So like, be warned that you may end up with a depressed mood after talking to them for 10 minutes. And their mood swings... don’t even get me started on that.

I don't know where to start with Virgo Moons... I feel like they're very calculated and nit-picky but they're a lot warmer than Virgo Suns. I think I called them softies in my last Moon post. Very sweet people but prone to anxiety. You gotta experience seeing them having a heart attack over someone mixing bananas with milk or messing with their stuff that’s been put in a perfect arrangement. I saw a Virgo Moon once literally squealing shouting "YOU'RE GONNA RUIN YOUR LAPTOP WITH THAT SUPERGLUE!!!" Highly entertaining to watch, not gonna lie. Gordon Ramsay has his Moon in Virgo - it’s conjunct Uranus and Pluto so that’s an extreme but I think him being fed up with people over small inconsistencies in their food prep is a perfect example of this energy (btw his chart is hilarious, it literally explains EVERYTHING). They're VERY picky with their food as well, just as Virgo Suns tend to be. Like, they’ll only have a specific type of single origin coffee or they’ll be vegan or something. Self-critical over their work, which is a plus... except for when finishing a simple task takes them a few hours because they want to make it perfect. They take everything seriously. This of course doesn't mean they're total bores - on the contrary, Mercurial energy gives them witty approach and a talent for choosing the right words at the right time. Tho they can be a bit awkward or shy with it. Can be as bubbly as Gemini but the grounded earthy energy gives them more practical and almost nurturing nature - earth signs are providers after all and Virgo is the sign of service - helping others is like their second nature. I’ve noticed they often find comfort in devoting themselves to a choosen task - this is why if they pursue something, they’re really good at it. They’re also very likely to dissect their emotions.

I’m not a fan of water Moons in general but Pisces Moon is the best water Moon in my opinion. Maybe because I like Pisces overall. I think it’s like a tweaked Sagittarius Moon - just more internalized, withdrawn & gloomy. But unlike Sag, who has a tendency to be an adventurous optimist, Pisces likes to focus on the negatives instead. Obviously, they can be very upbeat, they’re Jupiter-ruled after all, but there’s somehing whiny about them lol. Just like Sadges, they dream big and have their standards put up sooo high but if there's not much active energy in their charts, they’re often too passive to actually fullfill any of that - or I should say, they’re stuck daydreaming about it, believing it’ll just magically manifest for them... OR they do everything with an apathetic approach. What I do like about them is that they’re funny. And really chill - sometimes to the point of coming off as confused or hazy. I feel like a lot of them would just love to sleep all day... or sit by the lake and just think about the world. Most of them are also compassionate folks - again, maybe a bit too much. Hey Pisces, you don’t have to take everything to heart, it’s okay. On the bright side, they have big imagination and the ability to disconnect and just create. I have a few Pisces Moons in the family: one’s that sleepy artistic type with grand visions, one is an asshole-ish but funny entrepreneur with a questionable work ethic and one is a witty IT guy who’s actually a workaholic and likes to shut in his own world of computers and numbers or whatever he does there... So there’s this factor of tunnel vision, escapism and, on the more negative side, being kinda iffy and almost addicted to the way they want things to be. Once they set their eyes on something it’s done deal…

My issue with Capricorn Moons is that they're often trying to be sooooo mature omg, like, loosen up a bit. It usually starts when they're in their later teens... They can be the most rebellious kid that likes to have fun and suddenly they'll be like "I'm too old for this ugh grow up" *judgmental stare*. My 18-year old niece once literally roasted my sister that she's in her 30s and still doesn't have her own place (well so do I so I guess she also indirectly roasted me as well???). And she was SO deadpan with it. Because she herself wants to be independent and start a family before turning 25. This is classic Capricorn Moon energy. They suck out joy out of everything lol. Of course, OF COURSE, it depends on the whole chart but I feel like worst-case scenario is that at one point in their life (or maybe even a few times throughout it) they go through a massive shake-up that makes them change their attitude and re-evaluate their structures. There's this multi-instrumentalist Yvette Young - she's a sweet, funny Cancer/Leo mix but her Moon is in Capricorn. She used to be a competitive pianist but the pressure that was put on her has led her to severe health issues. Like yes, she’s now an extremely talented musician - thanks to family’s expectations & a rigid schooling system (Saturn) but it did cost her a lot. She has recovered since then but I think it's a perfect example of this energy. It’s very ambitious and hardworking but emotionally demanding in the sense that you have to actually put your emotions aside in order to deal with the rest. Another thing, because Moon can be associated with family, there's often a weird dynamic surrounding this topic. I don't think I've met a Capricorn Moon that had a completely healthy and happy relationship with their fam or one of the family members. Or, alternatively, there can be a strong bond between one of them but usually created in the atmosphere of hardships.

Last but not least, Cancer Moons. I had three school friends with this placement and all of them made this sad, whiny face as they said „oh I don’t knoooow anymoreee”  when they were feeling torned or frustrated. To be fair, two of them are water Suns so for them, it added to the mushyness. All Cancer Moons I know are family people or better yet, baby people. One of those school friends is now a guidance counsellor, working with kids; the other turned her instagram into a gallery of her own child after she gave birth. So much kid content, omg. There’s also something very indecisive about them… or I should say, hesitant. They’re not very fast at making decisions. Also, what’s interesting, they’re kind of like walking libraries, they remember a lot – so they store a lot of information in their brains just like air signs but they process it in a completely different way – emotional, obviously. I think this also makes them hold grudges a lot. For them it’s more of a question of „how does it make me feel?” rather than „how valid is it?”. There’s certain stubborness in them in that regard because they don’t keep their minds open. It’s also hard for them to walk away from people and situations, like a crab pinching you with its claws – it won’t let go. Sensitive but not easy to open up; very protective of themselves and their loved ones & they tend to shut down in their crab shells. But they may crave connection and the feeling of belonging. Also very caring and with a big imagination. They’re very receptive of their environment so mood swings are a thing for them.

#IT'S HEREEE #i think i edited this post a million times #i kept changing and adding stuff #but i did it #astrology #moon signs #moon #aries moon #taurus moon #gemini moon #cancer moon #leo moon #virgo moon #libra moon #scorpio moon #sagittarius moon #capricorn moon #aquarius moon #pisces moon #mercurytrinemoon

[thelovelygods]

As a teenager, Sylvia Plath vividly understood the extent to which her body steered her. "If I didn't have sex organs, I wouldn't waver on the brink of nervous emotion and tears all the time," she wrote in her journal in 1950. Ten days before her death, she had come to believe that "fixed stars/Govern a life." It turns out that Plath was probably right -- more right than she could have possibly known -- about her biology and her fate. But when Plath's journals were first published in 1982, what was most obvious about her was the supercharged nature of her emotions. Whatever causal agents may have been governing Plath's life, they were blown back by the force of her personality.

As unmistakable as were Plath's volatile emotions in the 1982 journals, the heavy editing of the text necessarily made it hard to discern the patterns to her moods. Even so, there did seem to be a detectable pattern, and it did not seem then, nor had it seemed to the people closest to her during the last years of her life, to be merely a function of temperament. In the weeks before her suicide, Plath's physician, John Horder, noted that Plath was not simply deeply depressed, but that her condition extended beyond the boundaries of a psychological explanation.

In a letter years later to Plath biographer Linda Wagner-Martin, Horder stated: "I believe ... she was liable to large swings of mood, but so excessive that a doctor inevitably thinks in terms of brain chemistry. This does not reduce the concurrent importance of marriage break-up or of exhaustion after a period of unusual artistic activity or from recent infectious illness or from the difficulties of being a responsible, practical mother. The full explanation has to take all these factors into account and more. But the irrational compulsion to end it makes me think that the body was governing the mind."

For at least the past 10 years it has been generally assumed that Plath fit the schema of manic-depressive illness, with alternating periods of depression and more productive and elated episodes.

The hypothesis that Plath suffered from a bipolar disorder is persuasive. But in late 1990, another, even more intriguing medical theory emerged. Using the evidence of Plath's letters, poems, biographies and the 1982 journals, a graduate student named Catherine Thompson proposed that Plath had suffered from a severe case of premenstrual syndrome. In "Dawn Poems in Blood: Sylvia Plath and PMS," which appeared in the literary magazine Triquarterly, Thompson theorized that Plath's mood volatility, depressions, many chronic ailments and ultimately her suicide were traceable to the poet's menstrual cycles and the hormonal disruptions caused by PMS.

Thompson pointed out that Plath unwittingly recorded experiencing on a cyclical basis all of the major symptoms of PMS, as well as many others, including low impulse control, extreme anger, unexplained crying and hypersensitivity. She also suffered many of the physical symptoms associated with PMS, notably extreme fatigue, insomnia and hypersomnia, extreme changes in appetite, itchiness, conjunctivitis, ringing in the ears, feelings of suffocation, headaches, heart palpitations and the exacerbation of chronic conditions such as her famous sinus infections.

Thompson compared Plath's reported mood and health changes with the journals, letters and biographies and found that her symptoms seemed to appear and disappear abruptly on a fairly regular schedule, with clusters of physical symptoms and depressive affect followed by dramatic changes in outlook and overall physical health. Those patterns can be directly linked to the dates of Plath's actual menses, particularly in 1958 and 1959, when she most habitually noted her cycles. Judging from the pattern of Plath's depression and health in late 1952 and in 1953 until her Aug. 24 suicide attempt, Thompson posited that "it seems reasonable to conclude that this suicide attempt was directly precipitated by hormonal disruption during the late luteal phase of her menstrual cycle and secondarily by her loss of self-esteem at being unable to control her depression."

Thompson showed that a well-known journal entry from Feb. 20, 1956, is clearly traceable to Plath's menses, to which she refers directly a few days later. The journal fragment takes on new meaning in light of having been written during the physically and emotionally debilitating luteal phase of Plath's cycle: "Dear Doctor: I am feeling very sick. I have a heart in my stomach which throbs and mocks. Suddenly the simple rituals of the day balk like a stubborn horse. It gets impossible to look people in the eye: corruption may break out again? Who knows. Small talk becomes desperate. Hostility grows, too. That dangerous, deadly venom which comes from a sick heart. Sick mind, too." On Feb. 24, the same day she notes in her journal that she has a sinus cold and "atop of this, through the hellish sleepless night of feverish sniffling and tossing, the macabre cramps of my period (curse, yes) and the wet, messy spurt of blood," Plath wrote a letter to her mother blaming her dark mood on her physical health: "I am so sick of having a cold every month; like this time, it generally combines with my period."

By the fall of 1962, the poems (which Plath carefully dated as they were completed) seem to follow a pattern of metaphorical renewals and optimistic transformations for roughly two to three weeks of artistic production, then jagged, seething accusations and aggression for a couple of weeks.

Thompson's PMS theory has been largely ignored by Plath scholars. But it immediately gained two important supporters: Anne Stevenson, Plath's controversial biographer, and Olwyn Hughes, Plath's former sister-in-law, whose letters were published in a subsequent issue of Triquarterly. Though oddly defensive in tone, Stevenson's letter does commend Thompson for her "invaluable contribution to Plath scholarship ... Certainly no future study of Plath will be able to ignore the probable effects of premenstrual syndrome on her imagination and behavior." And it states that she wishes she had been able to utilize Thompson's insights in the writing of her own work on Plath.

A letter from Olwyn Hughes also congratulates Thompson for her scholarship, but unlike Stevenson, Hughes practically stumbles over herself in amazement at the PMS theory. Hughes, who was quoted in Janet Malcolm's book "The Silent Woman: Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes" as characterizing her long-dead sister-in-law as "pretty straight poison," wrote to Thompson: "It is quite a shock to digest all this -- after thinking for so long that Sylvia's subconscious mind was her prison, and to suddenly realise it may well have been in part, or wholly, her body. But it certainly tallies with Ted's mentions -- he has always felt some chemical imbalance was involved."

Hughes further points out that Ted Hughes had spoken of Plath's ravenous appetite just prior to her periods and asks, "I wonder if that is a known characteristic of PMS?" (According to the PMS literature, it is.) But most tellingly, Olwyn Hughes explains that "one of the reasons I was so bowled over by your piece is that Sylvia's daughter, very like her physically, suffers quite badly from PMS but is, in these enlightened times, aware of it and treats it."

Dr. Glenn Bair, one of the leading experts on PMS treatment and research in the United States, confirmed to Salon that PMS is typically passed from mother to daughter. In a rare interview about her parents, Frieda Hughes told the Manchester Guardian in 1997 that after the "collapse of her health," including extreme fatigue and gynecological problems, she underwent a hysterectomy in her 30s.

After a careful review of Thompson's article, of a seven-page monthly breakdown of Plath's symptoms for 1958 through 1959 and of the documented evidence of Plath's pregnancies and postpartum symptoms of 1959 through 1962, Bair said, "If you hack through the PMDD criteria, I think that you'll find that she fits the PMDD profile."

#sylvia plath #pmdd #this almost made me cry #SHE UNDERSTOOD

[heauxzenji]

could you do the nsfw alphabet for atsumu please? thank you :)

Aw shit, here we go again...

NSFW Alphabet: Miya Atsumu

gn!reader focused

A/N: She hasn’t written in awhile but you know what I’m proud of it- lol be nice to me or I’ll leave forever jk I won’t but still be nice to me ily 💕 Atsumu is a menace I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Obviously nasty below the cut so if you’re a kid fuck off

𝕬 - 𝕬𝖋𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖊

He’s not the best, but certainly not the worst. He will take care of you, but… only after he takes care of himself first. Usually that just means he needs to take a shower. Once he does, he’s free to supply cuddles until you both fall asleep.

𝕭 - 𝕭𝖔𝖉𝖞 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙

He has abs so solid you could make a sharkcoochie board on them. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

𝕮 - 𝕮𝖚𝖒

When Atsumu cums… he cums hard. It’s like having an out of body experience- every nerve cell in his body is firing off as he tenses up, digging his nails into whatever flesh he can grab, and grinding his heels into the surface supporting him. He bites down so hard his teeth grind involuntarily as his face contorts in a strained statuesque vision. One low growl from deep in his chest comes out through gritted teeth as he sputters out mixtures of “that’s it,” and “don’t you dare fucking stop.”

The orgasm face of Atsumu Miya is one of the 7 wonders of the world.

𝕯 - 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕾𝖊𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖙

It’s not a secret per se, but he’s been exposed and clowned for eating ass… so he doesn’t wanna talk about it.

𝕰 - 𝕰𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊

So contrary to popular belief, I don’t think he’s that experienced... he’s just lucky! (Lmaoooo all of his experience is based on like 2 actual people that he maybe got to second base with (he says third but come on we know he’s lying) and then a litany of porn. Poor thing just wants some coochie I AM HERE KING and he has no trouble finding it, he just never seals the deal. He’s someone who just kind of, knows what to do naturally. He’s able to read someone’s body by touch alone, and so he knows what you like right off the bat based on how you react. He might try a couple of things at the start to see what really makes you squirm, but once he’s got it... holy hell has he ever got it.

𝕱 - 𝕱𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝕻𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

I hate to say how easy this was- but I KNOW Atsumu is a guy who prefers doggy. I see him as a hair puller, so this is perfect for him. I also could see him being into mirrors, and this is the perfect position to make you look at what he’s doing to you, especially while he’s pulling your head back by your hair. He especially likes gripping his thumbs into the smalls of your back (he crosses his arms bc saw it in a porn once and he thinks it makes him look cool), and when he’s INTO it, he likes to smack your ass to encourage you.

𝕲 - 𝕲𝖔𝖔𝖋𝖞

Is goofy by accident. Like will sometimes try throwing in something new with his normal dirty talk that completely throws you off. He hates when you laugh at him for it, but you find it endearing.

𝕳 - 𝕳𝖆𝖎𝖗

I’m gonna… say something so controversial yet so bold:

What hair?

And yes I mean that. Smooth. He waxes. Monthly. No hair. (Besides like… legs and armpits… yah he doesn’t touch those) Naked mole rat dick but fuck it he’s Atsumu motherfucking Miya he can do what he wants.

𝕴 - 𝕴𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖆𝖈𝖞

While he’s not the most... romantic in general per se, he does want to make you feel appreciated. He’s very eager to get his, but he won’t allow himself to unless you have already. It takes restraint, but he cools himself down by having you get on top, or by leaving lingering kisses anywhere he can, saying you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on.

𝕵 - 𝕵𝖆𝖈𝖐 𝕺𝖋𝖋

When he’s away from you he loves to send you videos of himself or FaceTime you. He gets you worked up enough to join him no matter where you are. He just needs to see you, he needs you to see him stroking his cock to the thought of you- he can’t cum without you telling him to.

𝕶 - 𝕶𝖎𝖓𝖐

I have to get this out but I KNOW he’s nasty. I imagine Atsumu as a huge dirty talker and also someone who’s into spitting. Both of those are just clear in my brain... like he would be pundinng you from behind, spit on your back, and then call you a slut all in 3 seconds flat but the way that you would cream? Ugh insanity he needs to be arrested he needs to be stopped

𝕷 - 𝕷𝖔𝖈𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

Since he’s got money now- he’s a big fan of ordering Uber XLs or even just hiring a driver for a night on the town as a flex. But he especially loves telling his driver to put up the window partition while he annihilates you in the backseat. I just think he’s a fan of car sex in general- it just does it for him.

𝕸 - 𝕸𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖛𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

Loves to hear his name. Whether you’re moaning it or screaming it like it’s the only word you know, he’s always going to ask you who you belong to, and the answer is always Atsumu.

𝕹 - 𝕹𝖔!

He totally eats ass. He’s just not gonna tell anyone bc he told Osamu ONCE and now his contact name is ASStumu and he lives in fear of that getting out.

𝕺 - 𝕺𝖗𝖆𝖑

Sloppppppyyyyyy. Loves giving ~slightly~ more than receiving, simply bc he loves the sight of seeing his spit dripping down your thighs while he goes down on you. Loves eye contact when you’re going down on him.

𝕻 - 𝕻𝖆𝖈𝖊

Though I wouldn’t say he’s super experienced, I know he’s relentless. He fucks. Literally just fucks. Not in the sense that he only treats you like a hole bc yikes, but in the sense that he just goes the speeds of fast or faster. There’s no slow with him.

𝕼 - 𝕼𝖚𝖎𝖈𝖐𝖎𝖊

Yeah. Lots of them. Anywhere, anytime. Particularly for him, a lot of them end up being in his car, simply because you’ll be out somewhere and the mood strikes. He’ll quickly take you out to the car for a few minutes, slut you out, and then return to the function like nothing happened. You’ve had many a quickie in a bathroom or closet in a party as well. When he wants you, he wants you, so he’s not afraid to take you.

𝕽 - 𝕽𝖎𝖘𝖐

Not as much of a risk-taker as people think. Mostly because he wants to protect you. He would hate for someone to see you in such a compromising position… but also, you’ve had your fair share of quickies in the bathrooms of various wedding receptions, so he’s lying.

𝕾 - 𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖆

Can last a decent amount of time, if he spreads it out over multiple rounds. I’m general, he can probably go about 2 or 3 rounds without needing a break. More if you draw out foreplay with him. He’s a pleaser, so really how long he lasts is up to you. He’s got the power and control to hold off on is own release until he’s certain you absolutely can’t take anymore.

𝕿 - 𝕿𝖔𝖞

One of those mfs who gets you the mold of his dick as a toy for your birthday for when he’s away because according to him “you’ll be so needy while I’m gone”

I hate him so much but I would use that shit every day he knows what he’s doing I’m so upset

𝖀 - 𝖀𝖓𝖋𝖆𝖎𝖗

Speaking of being needy- he loves to egg you on when you are. He knows all the buttons to push, but he’ll never actually make the move until you’re begging. And of course he loves to turn that around in you, hitting you with that “god, ya just can’t get enough of me, can ya?”

𝖁 - 𝖁𝖔𝖑𝖚𝖒𝖊

He’s more of a talker than a moaner. Not necessarily loud in bed- but very, very vocal. Commanding of you in a good way, and will definitely show his appreciation through praise.

𝖂 - 𝖂𝖎𝖑𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖉

Actually has a Cosmo subscription bc he likes trying all the strange and obscure sex positions in the articles. Also likes taking the quizzes, and will casually have you do them with him at breakfast.

𝖃 - 𝖃-𝕽𝖆𝖞

he’s a little on the thicker side. Its probably a good 7 inches, so it’s enough to fill you, add in the stretch of his girth and it’s a good, mild burn when he first goes in, but he fills you just enough without it being way too much. He’s a shower, so he doesn’t get much longer, but you have a lot to work with. He also has a cute freckle on his left inner thigh.

𝖄 - 𝖄𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌

His sex drive is on the higher end, but really only when he’s in his off season. When he’s actively playing in games, he tries to curb his appetite a bit because he believes in the superstition that sex messes with players’ stamina on the court.

𝖅 - 𝖅𝖟𝖟

He’s gonna knock out, but not until he showers. He ALWAYS showers after. The water soothes his muscles and by the time he’s done it’s lights out.

Taglist Starseeds (link in nav to join):  @honey-makki @acciobrooms @sen-brainrot @the-3d-sky-sister @minato-hoe @strawberrymakki @prettyforpapiiwa @arixtsukki @freyafolkvangr @milanapolitana @notjasmin​ @keishinsuke

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#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #hq headcanons #hq hcs #atsumu smut #atsumu x reader #haikyuu smut #hq smut #daisy’s red light district 🚨

[spacedikut]

exam help ; spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader

summary: a self-indulgent blurb about spencer helping with exams :) 1.7k

a/n: first fic of the year :D happy 2021!

masterlist

Another anguish-filled screech reverberates from your and Spencer’s shared office, bringing even your pet fish in the tank to attention.

It’s the third one this hour. Spencer tries to ignore it, just like you told him to, but God you sound like you’re in pain and Spencer can’t exactly ignore that, can he? He loves you and cares for you and- oh. A thump reaches his ears. A textbook, maybe? Did you punch your textbook?

He considers for a moment that the neighbours will be alarmed, perhaps call the police or tentatively knock with a, “Is everything okay in there?”

It wouldn’t be the first time.

What would he tell them? Oh, my apologies, my partner has exams coming up and just told me they get why unsubs do that now. I am also terrified.

There are many instances where Spencer feels useless. During his job, when his mother would have an episode, when his friends have problems he just wouldn’t understand. But, somehow, and maybe controversially, this is the worst type of uselessness. The type that leaves him staring at the wall, questioning everything, the type that makes his stomach drop because all he can do is watch.

He’s been watching you for the last two weeks. He’s sick of watching, of being no help, and he needs to do something before he breaks and does something illegal.

(The illegal thing is doing your exams for you - not illegal as in, perhaps, murder)

Your frazzled head pops out from the office, one hand rubbing your eyes and a permanent frown etched on your face, and with a fragile voice you ask, “Can you make me a coffee, please?”

Now, Spencer feels hypocritical, but he has to say it. “Another? Are you sure?”

He sees the internal battle within you, how you try your hardest not to snap. It’s not his fault you’re stressed. He’s just trying to help. “Yes, I’m sure. Please, Spence,”

“Of course. I’ll bring it in.”

“Thank you.” With a pained smile, you’re gone again into the dark abyss of where you’re studying.

With quick, ingrained movements, Spencer makes your coffee with too much creamer and marshmallows. Unusual, yes, but your current diet consists of coffee and whatever he can force you to consume – like marshmallows.

But then, hello, he spots a chocolate bar haphazardly close to the bin, grabs it, and hopes you let him watch you eat it.

Stepping into the room as quietly as possible, he’s smacked in the face by the smell of lavender. It makes him nauseous, the intensity of it, quickly followed by a lurch of his heart because you poor thing, you’re being crushed by the weight of your degree – literally. The other day you purchased an insanely heavy weighted blanket and you’re drowning in it.

Now, if you were to ask Spencer who the most beautiful person on the planet is, he’d say you in a heartbeat. He’s thought that since you first met and, years later, still stands by that. But now, right now, glowering at him in the dimly lit, lavender drenched study that you used to love oh-so-much? You have the face of a French bulldog, all grumpy and furrowed and too many creases on your face to make Spencer feel like he’s actually helping when he places the coffee and snack on your desk.

Despite the crabby expression, your words are filled with love and appreciation – which happens to be Spencer’s favourite mix. “Thank you, my love.” You take a sip of the coffee, hum in delight, and for the first time in days there’s a spark of something other than torment. “You’re the best.”

Spencer’s hand holds the back of your neck and he places a series of soft kisses to your temple, mumbling, “I love you. Very much. Is there anything else you need?”

“Death.”

“Okay. I’ll work on it.”

At that, you grace Spencer with a weak half-smile. It’s enough to overwhelm Spencer, overflowing and only able to be shown through a chaste, encouraging peck on your lips and a half-hug, Spencer bent at the waist to hold you in your desk chair. He noses your hair, hoping his closeness will alleviate some stress, before stepping back and praying his eyes tell you everything he wants to say but know will elicit annoyance from you.

I love you. Take care of yourself. Rest, please. You can do this, but not if you over exert yourself. I love you.

Your eyes tell him, I’ll try. I love you. And that’s all he can ask for.

But when he leaves, shuffles past his bookshelf, his eyes catch sight of an old file that reminds him of when he was preparing for his own exams.

He gets an idea.

+++

It takes another two days, full of late nights involving work that isn’t staying up and distracting himself with books to avoid worrying over you and how late you go to sleep, and reading that leaves Spencer in awe of you and everyone in your field.

A part of him is amazed by how he wheelbarrowed the resources behind you without you noticing, another is worried about that fact, and the rest of him is excited that he can finally do something that will actually help. At least, he hopes.

(When everything is said and done, despite being endlessly grateful, you also inform Spencer that simply being there and being him and getting you coffee every time you ask is more than enough, really)

With pride, he leans back on the couch, observing his creations on the coffee table. There’s plenty of different colours, all representing a different topic, and he presses the thumbs up to like the Youtube video he was using to ensure his handwriting is easy to read.

Flashcards. Hundreds, if Spencer counted correctly. The textbooks he stole – borrowed – from under your nose lie next to his feet, the weight of them combined more of a workout than he’s (voluntarily) done in eons.

He only hopes you don’t think it’s too late, think he’s overstepping or-or that he’s doing those things that he’s been accused of before – thinking he knows best (he does, but whatever), overbearing arrogance, an unwillingness to hear and accept other people’s way of doing things.

He just wants to help. He wants you to know he’s here for you, no matter what you need. This is the thing that lets him believe he’s doing something, something good and useful. Spencer just wants to be useful.

He’s convinced you to eat a proper breakfast – fruit, oats, bread, meat, a whole buffet – and you sense something is amiss when you hear slow, tentative footsteps creeping from your bedroom.

Spencer, still in his pyjamas, glasses perched on his nose, approaches with a shallow box in his grasp. You swallow your bite, turn to face him. “What’ve you got there?”

The box is slid onto the counter next to your plate hesitantly, as if he regrets his actions as he’s doing them. Peering in, you see a blur of colour, stacks on stacks of rectangular paper filled with writing and questions and even a tips! section.

You pick up the first batch, all light blue, and flick through them, heart getting bigger and bigger with every word you read. And when you realise what they are, what Spencer’s done ­– for you – your heartrate has skyrocketed and the watch on your wrist is asking you if you’re okay.

“You made me flashcards?” You ask, in awe, again looking at the love of your life to find he’s already staring at you.

“I did,” He tells you, apprehensive and scared, already backtracking, “But, if you don’t think they’re useful, or-or you think I’m overstepping – I’m not trying to, I promise, I just thought…” He starts nervously shuffling and reshuffling some of his creation. “Flashcards are known to engage active recall and metacognition. Research consistently finds that applying metacognitive strategies tends to ingrain memories deeper into your knowledge, and that this kind of active recall retrieval practice leads to one-hundred and fifty percent better retention than passive studying, so…”

Your hands have a mind of their own, pulling what feels like an endless amount of cards out and turning them in your hands, from the questions on the front to the answers on the back, the ones with hints and advice and there’s several with doodles that are so Spencer you hold them to your chest. You’re so enamoured by this man that is still rambling and bumbling because he takes your silence as distaste.

“I just- I hate seeing you so stressed, so I made these. You don’t have to use them, of course. They’re not even that great. It’s not that I don’t think you’re capable, you’re beyond capable, or that your methods don’t work- Just, personally, I love flashcards. I used them all the time when studying, even though I didn’t really need them, so perhaps a change of medium would do you good-“

A warm hand on his own that keep fidgeting stops him mid-stream of consciousness.

“Thank you,” You say, earnestly, “Really. These are lovely.” You leap from your seat, wrapping Spencer in warmth and love and care, and he shivers when he feels your hot breath on his ear when you repeat your thanks again and again.

When he pulls you even closer, so your torso curves into his own, you feel the lightest you have in weeks. You’re in the arms of the man you love, who knows you love him too and you know loves you so much – enough to spend several nights reading your cursed textbooks so he could create something that might help – and now you’re confident that you can do it. With the help of Spencer and his lovingly hand-made flashcards, you can do it.

And if, somehow, it goes awry, that’s okay too. Because you’ll still have Spencer, your number one fan, who will be there to comfort you and advise you in any way he can. He’ll never let you doubt yourself, never allow a self-deprecating joke if he can help it, because if he has to, he’ll love and support you enough for the both of you until you can do it yourself.

The world feels a little brighter, your breaths feel a little lighter, all because of Spencer. So you kiss him, murmur love against his lips, and get ready to take on whatever dares to come your way.

+++

tags: @pinkdiamond1016 @bluerose512 @andreasworlsboring101 @roses-and-grasses @ta-ka-shi-ma @ogmilkis @chiffonchronicles @rexorangecouny @unmistakablyunknown @goofygubler14 @gublertoon @averyhotchner @wheeledup @shadyladyperfection @joodeduarte @calm-and-doctor @

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #mine #the end is super cheesy but #eeeeeeeeeeeeee

[wonlouvre]

pairing: doctor!wonwoo x lawyer!female oc genre: modern royalty, arranged marriage, fluff and future angst word count: 3.2k WARNINGS: ANGST, VIOLENCE, GUNS

a/n: we are nearing the end guys :( and i promise, it’s a HAPPY ENDING! but for now we have to face the angst, i’m so sorry. disclaimer!! as i have said from the previous parts, i am not well-versed with investigations and court procedures. PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG. thank you very much!! please enjoy this new part and hit my ask box with what you think of it <3

nine: grief | masterlist

Wonwoo has had difficult times in his life and he has managed to overcome them all. Growing up in the public eye, fulfilling duties decreed to him even before he became a teen, a break-up, excelling both academically and physically and most of all, loving himself for who he is. He knows his parents did everything in their power and love to make it a little easier for him. They are the reasons he kept going and going. 

But his heart can’t seem to carry this overwhelming heaviness. 

His parents wanted to end the engagement immediately. It was an argument, an angry one. His mother had her ears closed even before he could speak meanwhile his father’s closed lips already said it all. Of course, he was defensive. He understands his parents concern for their citizens, but nothing is final until a verdict is reached. He has to come back to Jung and Sam and he has to come back to you. Surely enough, when he stepped out of the doors of his home, he had chosen love over duty. 

It’s just that he didn’t know that you had different plans. 

“Where’s the pretty lady?” Sam asks out of the blue while he plays with the new toys Wonwoo brought for the kids at the welfare.

He has been visiting them frequently, at least four times a week in between his hospital schedule. Especially after you decided that he should distance himself from you, he has been in and out of here because the boys are one of the only reasons he’s here other than you. He’s hoping you only meant a break if that’s what you wanted. Because he’d give it to you with as much distance as you want just come back to him. Come back to him because he doesn’t and can’t let you go. 

“She’s a bit busy now,” he tries to make up an excuse and Sam raises his sparkling eyes at his face, probably searching for some truth in his lie. 

“You look different when she’s around,” the young boy says and goes back to his toys. 

Wonwoo’s ears perk and his brows knit in question. “What do you mean?”

“Jung thinks I don’t see it, but his face,” Sam explains and gestures to his tiny yet swelling cheeks. “It changes because of this girl here that I think he’s crushing.”

Wonwoo can’t help the growing smile on his face. “Jung has a crush?”

“Yes.” Sam bobs his head cutely. “You’re just like Jung with the pretty lady around.”

“How about now?” He asks the observant boy who purses his tiny lips before narrowing his eyes at him. 

“You look a little sad.”

Wonwoo didn’t need to ask who’s the pretty lady Sam was talking about because to him, you’re the only pretty lady in his life (second to his mother of course even though she’s angry at him at the moment). He tried to not make it obvious. He doesn’t want anyone to see him that the controversy and your father’s arrest is breaking the two of you apart. He can’t let them see him falling apart for that matter because he wants you to see him confident and strong. 

He doesn’t want to further fuel your doubts and fears. If he can’t support you closely, he’ll do his best to support you even from afar.

That’s why life for him continued. He goes to work, attends to his patients and co-workers needs, he eats, he exercises and he even entertains drinking with Soonyoung despite having to take care of him because of how fast he gets drunk. 

It’s an ineffective distraction because he misses you terribly. He misses going to your office just to take you away from your computer, he misses driving around town with you in the passenger seat and listening to your stories, he misses sleeping over at your apartment after a tiring day shift, he misses your warm and welcoming embrace, he misses your shy and soft kisses against his lips, cheeks, nose, forehead, neck and everywhere else.  

Did he tell you he misses you?

He sends you messages every day. He doesn’t call and he doesn’t wait for a reply. He just wants you to know that he’s here whenever you’re ready. Jeongyeon is kind enough to keep him in the loop, but the updates are very minimal because she’s still your subject and she doesn’t want to hurt you any further. 

For a moment, Wonwoo was afraid to take the leap. But when you asked him if he still wants to marry you which could be equivalent to you ending things, he had to. If you stay or not, he had to say it with all his heart. You had to know because he was sure that whatever it is his whole being is feeling, it’s only for you. 

“I love you.”

Your heart drops at his confession, making you sob to the palm of your hands. He can’t do this to you right now. It’s already hard and painful. You want to be selfish, but it would be wrong to let him suffer with you when he has been nothing but kind and honest. 

“You’re not your father, Y/N,” he promises and holds your hands down. “Please look at me.”

You shake your head, sniffling. You want to scream you love him too. But the words are nothing but a lump at the back of your throat. You continue shedding your tears and the sight breaks Wonwoo’s heart. 

“It’s okay.” He lifts your head up by your cheeks. He wipes your tears away even though it’s futile. He wishes to share with your anguish, but he also respects the desires of your heart. 

His smile was small when he leans down and briefly presses a kiss to your trembling lips. You accept it, fearing it might be the last. You also listen to his last words before he leaves with his bag and coat because it also might be the last time you’ll ever hear them.

“I love you.”

The rain patters on the roof of the car when Wonwoo’s words echoed inside your head. Just the thought of what had transpired the last few days brings tears to your eyes. You haven’t seen him since that night and the longing is unbearable. You wish to hear his voice, feel his touch against you or just see him. But you can’t and you have to persevere through it because you owe justice and accountability to your people.   

You haven’t spoken to your mother even if you tried. She’s just tired, so tired you can’t bring a word out of her. You try to be understanding and a little more patient. After all, getting over a betrayal doesn’t happen overnight. That’s why you continued working even though almost every client you have has backed down and declined your services. Nonetheless, you still go to your office every day as if everything is okay. You drink your coffee, you run over your files and even do a little organizing and disposing here and there. 

Your father’s first trial is today and you’re on your way to speak to him at his detention center. This is the first time you’ll see him aside from the television and newspapers. You’ve been crying ever since he got taken away. You can’t help it. You already know the truth and there’s no blinding away from it. But you want to hear from your father, whom you thought you have known all your life. You want his truth and maybe find some closure. 

When you arrive at the parking lot, the rain has ceased and little by little the temperature is rising again. You really wish things were different. Something in you wishes that this is a set-up. You wish that your father was innocent and only being framed. But there is a bigger something that’s telling you to throw away those wishful thoughts because it’s wrong. 

You ask yourself, am I angry at my father? while walking to the entrance leading to the visitor’s area. I should be, right? You argue because your family name and career is tarnished. Your upcoming marriage is no different which is most likely to be over. 

“Hi my darling,” The King, stripped from his expensive suit, greets you with his usual smile.

The glass between you and your father is clear enough to see that he doesn’t look good. Your father used to look every day ready with his suit on and slick back hair. But right now, he doesn’t. Tears well up in your eyes but you hold it in. It will take a long time to get used to seeing him like this. It will take a painfully long one.

Maybe you’re not angry. Maybe you’re just hurting.

“Hi dad,” you greet back. “How are you?”

The old man smiles and warms his thighs with his hands while looking around the small room. “I’m okay.”

You nod and the cold silence engulfs the room. 

“I’m sorry darling,” he finally says and hearing those words made you burst into tears. He sees you crying and this is the first time he can’t reach his hand out to wipe the tears away. “I’m really sorry that your father’s greed has left you and your mother a wound that might never heal.”

Greed. The news, the Royal Police, the prosecution and everyone else were talking about this. They’re still talking about this. It’s scandalous, it’s controversial. It’s unbelievable too. How could the head and protector of the kingdom do this? 

How could your father do this?

“Dad,” you sob. “Dad.”

“I know,” he tells you. “I know.”

“Please tell me they’re lying,” you begged, your voice shaking.

“I cannot betray you any further, my darling,” he sadly says. “I have to set you all free from my lies.”

You harshly rub your fingers against your eyes, trying to dry the tears that won’t stop from falling. “Who’s Kim Mingyu?”

The alarming buzz! blasts, indicating that your time’s up. You’re quick to your feet and hold your sweating palm against the glass. Your father mirrors your action but it didn’t last long because he was being handcuffed again. 

“Remember,” he says, struggling a little against the two uniformed men. “You are your own person, my darling.” 

Maybe you’re not hurting. Maybe you’re grieving because you just lost your father. 

You know who Kim Mingyu is. You already knew before you could even ask your father. You just wanted to know how your father met him and entangled himself with such a man. What led him to fall for his lies and money that he could trade every ounce of dignity and integrity in his being? Something of that sort. 

Kim Mingyu’s mining business was proposed to the Secretary of the Trade and Industry Department. A mining business that will have children go underground for long agonizing hours. At first, they were immediately rejected knowing that there’s an obvious and strict law disallowing foreigners to the kingdom’s mineral resources. Much more the exploitation of young children. But, Mingyu was ambitious and a sniper to every man's weakness. It didn’t take long for the Secretary of the Trade and Industry to bite. It was easily followed by the Secretary of the Justice Department and your father. They all, among many others, eventually fell for his trap. Everything worked out for Kim Mingyu. 

Your hip is against the hood of the car as you watched the prison guards surround the vehicle your father will ride to the court. Everyone is on high alert. Well, they should be. No one else is more high profile than a criminal king. It’s only the first trial but you’re already more than aware of how things will turn out in the end. 

You clutch the lifebuoy pendant of the necklace you’re wearing, nervous and trying to keep everything together.

You could leave now, but the time and opportunity to see your father is running out. This prison is the only place you could linger just to see him, even for a short while. You won’t be able to follow him at court because Seungkwan advised you not to. Which you understand. This whole case involving your father is already causing a media frenzy so staying away is the smart thing to do. 

As you wait, your phone suddenly rings with an unknown number flashed on the screen. You blink, wondering who could it be at this hour. After a beat of hesitation, you answered and held the phone against your ear. 

“Hello?”

“Ah, Princess Y/N. How’s the King doing?”

You’re not that forgetful to not recognize this voice. “Mr. Kim, how did you get my number?”

“That’s not important right now,” he dodges the question. “What’s important is what I am about to tell you.”

“What do you want from me?” You say with gritted teeth and from your peripheral you can see the guards scramble. Your father is about to come out.

You can hear him scoff. “I don’t want anything from you, Your Highness. But listen…”

Your heart starts to beat faster. It’s a hard visual but your father is nearing the exit. Your bottom lip is starting to hurt from how hard you’re biting it and the few seconds of pause and suspense that Mingyu’s giving you is not helping at all. 

“Listen you sick---” He cuts you off and your blood runs cold.

“I’m going to kill your father.”

What is the fondest memory that you have of your father? 

They’re too many to count and every memory with him, small and big, will always mean everything to you. But as an example, it would be the day you finally took oath as a lawyer. He didn’t tell you, but he, together with your mother, was secretly present at the venue. He told you beforehand that they shouldn’t go because he didn’t want the people to make you uncomfortable and steal the spotlight. You ignored his lame excuse of fame and told him that he can do whatever he wants. 

But he was really there. Tears brimming on his eyes together with pride beaming on his heart. Your mother had to calm him down because he got a little out of control, almost screaming with all his chest at the venue that you’re his daughter. 

You only found out when you hopped on the car and they’re inside with a small cake, flowers and party hats on, shouting loud congratulations and surprise simultaneously. 

Your father was always there. Your parents were. 

You remember those when you ran and pushed your way against the guards blocking your father’s view. You were frantic as you screamed at them to get your father back inside. You fought with all your strength and thrashed against their hold just to reach your father. When you slipped away from them, you ran again, fast. 

You did your best to not get caught. You just have to be close to your dad and push him back inside. You just have to be close to him. You just have to protect him.

You have to be there for him. 

“Please stop!” You shout when another guard takes hold of your waist, locking you to the ground. “You have to bring my father back inside!”

“You’re Highness, please calm down!” The guard shouts back and you fight against him. When he didn’t let you go, you stomped the heel of your shoe on his feet, making him fall in pain. 

“Dad!” You call when you’re finally nearing him. His head lifts up at the sound of your voice and searches for you among the sea of men. “Please! You have to take him back inside! I received a call from Kim Ming---”

BANG!

BANG! 

It was searingly fast. Your whole body collapses on the sweltering concrete before you could reach your father and when his eyes finally find you, you are already swimming in the pool of your blood.  

“It’s always good to see you Mrs. Wang,” Wonwoo compliments the old lady who’s starting to frequent the emergency room. “But not in this manner.”

The old lady gives him a cheeky grin and pinches one of his cheeks. If Wonwoo doesn’t know any better, she’s doing this to not get scolded any further. 

“Your blood sugar is high and I don’t think your granddaughter appreciates her grandma endangering her own life,” he lightly scolds her, if that’s how he can put it. He’s still a doctor after all. “She loves you and she wants you to be healthy when she walks down the aisle in the future.”

Mrs. Wang gives him a silent nod at the mention of her granddaughter, promising that she won’t disobey anymore. That relieves Wonwoo, his lips lifting in a smile. He signs her clearance and hands it back to the nurse. After a few more instructions, he takes his leave and walks back to the information desk. 

He takes one of the patients charts to read. The phone rings and the nurse in charge immediately picks it up and answers. At first, Wonwoo didn’t bother looking up from the paper because emergency calls happen every three seconds. But when there was an eerie silence amidst the loud and busy room, his curiosity made his head tilt up only to get surprised at the widened eyes the nurse was giving him. 

He was about to ask what’s wrong but when he heard the sound of the siren nearing, he ignores his suspicions and runs to the entrance. 

The ambulance parks at a safe distance and the paramedics get out. They move quickly to get the patient out and when they see him, their mouth falls open but no words come out.

Wonwoo didn’t notice so he proceeded to ask, “How’s the patient?”

“Wonwoo!”

Soonyoung almost tripped on his feet as he tried to get a hold of his friend. He takes his arms and tries to pull him away from the ambulance he’s about to open. Wonwoo is starting to get irritated at the bizarre and disconcerting feeling that’s starting to settle in the emergency room.

Wonwoo knocks him off with a glare. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Wonwoo, please,” Soonyoung begs with an unsteady voice, clinging to his friend. 

“Female, late twenties, two gunshot wounds,” one of the paramedics finally yet carefully reports while the other opens the doors of the ambulance. “It’s Her Highness, Princess Y/N.”

Wonwoo roughly removes his friends hand from his arm to step closer to the ambulance and when he sees your lifeless body, he didn’t waste any more time and helped the paramedics move the stretcher out. Soonyoung can see his friend’s hands shaking as he takes hold of the bloodied gurney. He knows he has to stop him right now. 

“Baby,” Wonwoo calls as he runs and wheels you inside. You can’t hear him, but he has to try. He observes proper protocol of transferring you to the bed of the emergency room before applying more pressure to your wounds. You have lost a lot of blood already and it’s not helping Wonwoo that he can’t see your eyes.

“Please, please, please,” Wonwoo whispers as he removes all the obstructions on your body and when his eyes catch the necklace he gave around your neck, his legs grow weak and removing it from you made his tears fall.

“Baby, please,” he pleads. “Open your eyes, hmm?”

Soonyoung steps in together with the doctor who will perform the surgery and take everything from here. He slowly pulls his friend away from your body. Wonwoo didn’t protest anymore, there’s nothing in him left to do so. Your blood is in his hands, in his white coat, it’s everywhere. 

This is not the distance Wonwoo wanted. 

He can’t be apart from you forever.

#seventeen #wonwoo #seventeen scenarios #wonwoo scenarios #seventeen imagines #wonwoo imagines #seventeen scenario #wonwoo scenario #seventeen fluff #wonwoo fluff #seventeen imagine #wonwoo imagine #seventeen angst #wonwoo angst #seventeen wonwoo #wonwoo seventeen #fic: ifliys

[dfroza]

“No, how blessed are those who hear God’s voice and make God’s message their way of life.”

“Listen, your eye, your outlook, the way you see is your lamp. If your way of seeing is functioning well, then your whole life will be enlightened.”

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 11th chapter of the book of Luke:

Another time Jesus was praying, and when He finished, one of His disciples approached Him.

Disciple: Teacher, would You teach us Your way of prayer? John taught his disciples his way of prayer, and we’re hoping You’ll do the same.

Jesus: Here’s how to pray:

Father [in heaven], may Your name be revered.

May Your kingdom come.

[May Your will be accomplished on earth

as it is in heaven.]

Give us the food we need for tomorrow,

And forgive us for our wrongs,

for we forgive those who wrong us.

And lead us away from temptation.

[And save us from the evil one.]

Imagine that one of your friends comes over at midnight. He bangs on the door and shouts, “Friend, will you lend me three loaves of bread? A friend of mine just showed up unexpectedly from a journey, and I don’t have anything to feed him.” Would you shout out from your bed, “I’m already in bed, and so are the kids. I already locked the door. I can’t be bothered”? You know this as well as I do: even if you didn’t care that this fellow was your friend, if he keeps knocking long enough, you’ll get up and give him whatever he needs simply because of his brash persistence!

So listen: Keep on asking, and you will receive. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened for you. All who keep asking will receive, all who keep seeking will find, and doors will open to those who keep knocking.

Some of you are fathers, so ask yourselves this: if your son comes up to you and asks for a fish for dinner, will you give him a snake instead? If your boy wants an egg to eat, will you give him a scorpion? Look, all of you are flawed in so many ways, yet in spite of all your faults, you know how to give good gifts to your children. How much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to all who ask!

Picture this:

Jesus is exorcising a demon that has long kept a man from speaking. When the demon is expelled, the man starts talking and the people are amazed. But then controversy erupts.

Some People: Do you know why He can cast out demons? It’s because He’s in league with the demon prince, Beelzebul.

Other people want to see more, so they challenge Jesus to give them another miraculous sign. Jesus knows what they’re thinking.

Jesus: People, be logical. If a kingdom is divided against itself, it will collapse. If a ruling family is divided against itself, it will fall apart.

So if Satan’s kingdom is divided against itself, won’t his whole enterprise collapse? Does it make any sense to say I’m casting out demons by Beelzebul? Besides, if you’re saying it takes satanic power to cast out Satan, by whose power do your own exorcists work? If you condemn Me for an exorcism, you’ll have to condemn them. But if I by the power of God cast out demonic spirits, then face this fact: the kingdom of God is here, just as I’ve been saying.

When a man of power with his full array of weapons guards his own palace, everything inside is secure. But when a new man who is stronger and better armed attacks the palace, the old ruler will be overcome, his weapons and trusted defenses will be removed, and his treasures will be plundered. Can you see that I’m asking you to choose whose side you’re on—working with Me or fighting against Me?

When a demonic spirit is expelled from someone, he wanders through waterless wastelands seeking rest. But there is no rest for him anywhere, so he says, “I’m going back to my old house.” He returns and finds the old house has been swept clean and fixed up again. So he goes and finds seven other spirits even worse than he is, and they make themselves at home in the man’s life so that he’s worse off now than he was before.

As He is speaking, a woman shouts out from the crowd and interrupts Him.

Woman: How blessed is Your mother’s womb for bearing You! How blessed are her breasts for nursing You!

Jesus: No, how blessed are those who hear God’s voice and make God’s message their way of life.

Jesus was becoming more and more popular, and the crowds swelled wherever He went. He wasn’t impressed.

Jesus: This generation is evil. These people are seeking signs and spectacles, but I’m not going to play their game. The only sign they will be given is the sign of Jonah. Just as Jonah became a sign to the people of Nineveh, so will the Son of Man be to this generation.

The queen of Ethiopia will stand to condemn the people of this generation on the day of judgment. She, an outsider, came from so far away to hear the wisdom given to Solomon, but now, something greater than Solomon is here: how are the people of this generation responding?

Similarly, the people of Nineveh will stand to condemn the people of this generation on the day of judgment. They, outsiders, responded and changed because of the preaching of Jonah, but now, something greater than Jonah is here: how are the people of this generation responding?

You need a light to see. Only an idiot would light a lamp and then put it beneath the floor or under a bucket. No, any intelligent person would put the lamp on a table so everyone who comes in the house can see. Listen, your eye, your outlook, the way you see is your lamp. If your way of seeing is functioning well, then your whole life will be enlightened. But if your way of seeing is darkened, then your life will be a dark, dark place. So be careful, people, because your light may be malfunctioning. If your outlook is good, then your whole life will be bright, with no shadowy corners, as when a radiant lamp brightens your home.

A Pharisee interrupted His speech with an invitation to dinner. Jesus accepted the invitation and took His place at his table. The Pharisee was offended that Jesus didn’t perform the ceremonial handwashing before eating—something Pharisees were fastidious about doing.

Jesus: You Pharisees are a walking contradiction. You are so concerned about external things—like someone who washes the outside of a cup and bowl but never cleans the inside, which is what counts! Beneath your fastidious exterior is a mess of extortion and filth.

You guys don’t get it. Did the potter make the outside but not the inside too? If you were full of goodness within, you could overflow with generosity from within, and if you did that, everything would be clean for you.

Woe to you, Pharisees! Judgment will come on you! You are fastidious about tithing—keeping account of every little leaf of mint and herb—but you neglect what really matters: justice and the love of God! If you’d get straight on what really matters, then your fastidiousness about little things would be worth something.

Woe to you, Pharisees! Judgment will come on you! What you really love is having people fawn over you when you take the seat of honor in the synagogue or when you are greeted in the public market.

Wake up! See what you’ve become! Woe to you; you’re like a field full of unmarked graves. People walk on the field and have no idea of the corruption that’s a few inches beneath their feet.

Scholar (sitting at Jesus’ table): Rabbi, if You insult the Pharisees, then You insult us too.

Jesus: Well, now that you mention it, watch out, all you religious scholars! Judgment will come on you too! You load other people down with unbearable burdens of rules and regulations, but you don’t lift a finger to help others. Woe to you; you don’t fool anybody! You seem very religious—honoring the prophets by building them elaborate memorial tombs. Come to think of it, that’s very fitting, since you’re so much like the people who killed the prophets! They killed the prophets; you build their tombs—you’re all in the same family business!

This is why the Wisdom of God said, “I will send these people My prophets and emissaries, and these people will kill and persecute many of them.” As a result, this generation will be held accountable for the blood of all the prophets shed from the very beginning of time, from Abel’s blood to Zechariah’s blood, who was killed in the temple itself between the altar and the holy place. I’m serious: this generation will be held accountable.

So, religious scholars, judgment will come on you! You’re supposed to be teachers, unlocking the door of knowledge and guiding people through it. But the fact is, you’ve never even passed through the doorway yourselves. You’ve taken the key, left the door locked tight, and stood in the way of everyone who sought entry.

After that dinner, things were never the same. The religious scholars and Pharisees put constant pressure on Jesus, trying to trap Him and trick Him into saying things they could use to bring Him down.

The Book of Luke, Chapter 11 (The Voice)

A note from The Voice translation:

Jesus is fearless with Pharisees and scholars. To get through to them He agrees to eat in the home of a Pharisee where a religious scholar has also been invited.

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 9th chapter of the book of Ecclesiastes with a few thoughts on the temporality of life in a physical body:

Teacher: So I set my mind on all of this, examined it thoroughly, and here’s what I think: The righteous and the wise and all their deeds are in God’s hands. Whether they are destined to be loved or hated, no one but God knows. Everyone shares a common destiny—the righteous and the wicked, the good [and the bad], the clean and the unclean, those who sacrifice and those who neglect the sacrifices. The good and the faithful are treated no differently than the sinner. Those who take an oath are treated no differently than those afraid to commit. Such a great injustice! Here is an evil that pervades all that is done under the sun: the same destiny happens to us all. Human hearts are inclined toward evil; madness runs deep throughout our lives. And then what happens? We die. So long as we are alive, we have hope; it is better to be a living dog, you see, than a dead lion. At least the living know they will die; the dead don’t know anything. No future, no reward is awaiting them, and one day they will be completely forgotten. All of their love and hate and envy die with them; then it is too late to share in the human struggle under the sun.

Teacher: So here is what you should do: go and enjoy your meals, drink your wine and love every minute of it because God is already pleased with what you do. Dress your best, and don’t forget a splash of scented fragrance. Enjoy life with the woman you love. Cherish every moment of the fleeting life which God has given you under the sun. For this is your lot in life, your great reward for all of your hard work under the sun. Whatever you find to do, do it well because where you are going—the grave—there will be no working or thinking or knowing or wisdom.

I turned and witnessed something else under the sun: the race does not always go to the swift, the battle is not always won by the strong, bread does not always fill the table of the wise, wealth does not always accrue to the skillful, and favor is not always granted to the knowledgeable; but time and misfortune happen to them all. A person can’t possibly know when his time will come. Like fish caught in a cruel net or birds trapped in a snare, without warning the unexpected happens, and people are caught up in an evil time.

I have witnessed an example of wisdom under the sun and admit I found it impressive: Once there was a small town with only a few people in it. One day, out of nowhere, a king and his powerful army marched against it, surrounded it, and besieged it. The villagers didn’t know how to fend off such a powerful enemy. But one man, who was very poor but very wise, rallied the villagers and managed to drive the army away. (The village remains to this day, but no one remembers the name of that one wise man who saved the village.) So I said, “Wisdom is better than strength.” But the wisdom of the poor is despised; nobody listens to their wise counsel.

It is better to hear the soft-spoken words of a wise person

than the rant of a tyrant in the company of fools.

Wisdom is better than weapons of war,

yet one wrongdoer can undo much good.

The Book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 9 (The Voice)

A note from The Voice translation:

At best, life is unpredictable. No one knows whether a pleasant or harsh future awaits. Perhaps it is better that way. It would be nice if good actions always guaranteed a pleasant future, but they don’t. Sometimes, in this fallen world, it is just the opposite. One thing is certain, however: everyone faces death. It is the great equalizer. Yet the teacher is assured of something else: those who are right with God and live wisely are in His hands.

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for Thursday, june 15 of 2023 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons about happiness through humility:

The word ashrei (אַשְׁרֵי) in Hebrew can mean “the happy ones,” from the adjective osher (אוֹשֶׁר), “happy,” and the root word ashar (אָשַׁר) meaning to “go straight” or to walk uprightly (i.e., yashar: יָשָׁר). Ashrei can also mean "enriched," or favored. Enriched is the man (אַשְׁרֵי־הָאִישׁ) who ... delights in the Torah...” (Psalm 1:1-2). The sages note that ashar is formed from aleph (א), representing the One true God, and sar (שַׂר), meaning ruler, which suggests that when the LORD is the Ruler of your life, you will be enriched and find genuine happiness. Indeed, the word ashrei is embedded in both the first and last words of the Torah scroll itself (i.e., bereshit (בְּרֵאשִׁית) and Yisrael (יִשְׂרָאֵל)), which hints that we are made happy when we submit to God’s will (i.e., his Torah) for our lives...

The Torah of the LORD is most clearly manifested in Yeshua, the Living Torah and Messiah of God, the Wisdom of God: "And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven’" (Matt. 5:2-3). Paradoxically we are profoundly enriched by understanding our great inner poverty and our ongoing need for divine intervention... Only when we come to the end of ourselves, when we realize our powerlessness and radical insufficiency, can we come to know Yeshua as moshia (מוֹשִׁיעַ), as our Savior. And this is an ongoing state of dependency: we walk "with a limp" as did Israel. Therefore Paul said, ὅταν γὰρ ἀσθενῶ, τότε δυνατός εἰμι: “for when I am weak, then I am strong.” You are made rich indeed when you encounter your spiritual bankruptcy, brokenness, and must entirely depend on God for your daily miracle...

Spirituality often enough involves a sense of irremediable brokenness, a feeling that you are not whole, that you are a mess, and that your need for God's healing is constant and relentless... Contrary to the ideals of proud humanism, spirituality is a state of "blessed neediness," of being "poor in spirit," that aches with inner desperation for God's power of healing. Those who humbly cry out to the LORD understand their great need for deliverance, “Woe is me, for I am ruined...” (Isa. 6:5). As Yeshua said, "Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted" (Luke 18:14).

Our Lord Yeshua testified: "The Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost" (Luke 19:10), and therefore He is found in the midst of the leper colonies of the hurting, the forgotten, and the rejected. As the "Man of Sorrows" (i.e., ish makhovot: אִישׁ מַכְאבוֹת) he understands the language of our pain (Isa. 53:3).

[ Hebrew for Christians ]

========

Psalm 34:18 Hebrew reading:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/psalm34-18-jjp.mp3

Hebrew page pdf:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/psalm34-18-lesson.pdf

6.14.23 • Facebook

from yesterday’s email by Israel 365:

Netzach is also found at the beginning of many of the psalms in the form of Lamnatzeach, meaning “Conductor,” as in the opening verse of Psalm 51: “For the Conductor, A psalm of David.” As a conductor unifies a musical orchestra made up of different instruments, God unifies and brings order and purpose to the various contrasting and conflicting parts of His creation.

Netzach is also related to the word nitzachon, meaning “victory.” The ultimate victory that we yearn for is the victory of good over evil. When that day comes, God’s eternal greatness will be recognized by all of humanity, who will understand that God is the great Composer Who brings unity and purpose to all of creation.

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

June 15, 2023

Dwelling with a Holy God

“For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy, I dwell in the high and holy place.” (Isaiah 57:15)

While God has many attributes such as love, mercy, and justice, holiness is said to be His fundamental attribute. Even regarding God’s love, theologian Augustus Strong said, “Holiness is the track on which the engine of love must run.”

The Bible points to God’s holiness in various places. Today’s verse says His “name is Holy,” and Psalm 47:8 says, “God sitteth upon the throne of his holiness.” Christ taught us to begin our prayers acknowledging this truth: “Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed [holy, hagiazo] be thy name” (Matthew 6:9). In both Isaiah 6:1-3 and Revelation 4:8, we’re told that the angelic seraphim who circle about God’s throne perpetually proclaim, “Holy, holy, holy.” And as the God-man Jesus Himself was about to cast out an unclean spirit, the demon called out, “I know thee who thou art, the Holy One of God” (Mark 1:24).

The problem for sinful humans is that in the administration of the righteous standard of God’s holiness, judgment for sin is required. As heirs of Adam who fail to keep God’s law, we all come under the Adamic judgment “thou shalt surely die” (Genesis 2:17). Since God’s wrath is aroused by sin, how can we ever hope to be in the presence of a holy God?

Praise God that the payment for sin was brought about through Christ’s atonement, which satisfies the demands of perfect justice. Not only can we now come boldly to make supplication before His throne, but when we die we go into His holy presence and are freed from sin forever. JPT

[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 2

 -you dislike frank dillane’s portrayal of tom riddle only because you don’t think he’s attractive-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION (and this time, featuring a bit of armchair child psych from a student).

Wait, don’t clutch your pearls just yet. Compose yourself.

I am about to explain why it’s not actually that bad, and Dillane’s portrayal is vastly underappreciated.

I definitely agree that his portrayal comes off as ‘creepier’. It’s not helped by the stylistic decisions in the scene -- the smeary, green filter gives the scene a sinister quality. 

Even Slughorn looks suspect here, which is somewhat appropriate, given that he is complicit in this crime. 

Again, this scene is very much intended to be slightly off.

You’ll notice (and I’ll discuss this again when I talk about Coulson’s portrayal) that Dillane is almost always shot from at least slightly below, which makes the lower third of his face look bigger (and thus more menacing). The lighting also makes his eyes glow in a really unnatural way. There’s an echo-y effect to make his voice (and not Slughorn’s) sound unnerving.

People talk about how Coulson would have looked in this scene, and if he was filmed in the same way (monotone, smeary/shadowy filter, and always from below), he’d look a bit creepy, too.

But all of this, imo, is for a pretty good reason. Slughorn isn’t the POV character. Harry is. Harry is learning about how a young Lord Voldemort wheedled the secret of Horcruxes out of an unsuspecting teacher. Unlike in COS, he expects Riddle to be evil. And, so, Harry’s new perception of Tom Riddle literally colors how we perceive him.

Take this shot, for example: he does that head-tilt thing that Coulson does, and it’s actually... kind of... cute???

Imagine Dillane filmed from slightly above, like Coulson usually is, and it looks even more innocent. (I mean, come on, he does not look like he’s killed four people, does he?) It’s not hard to imagine teachers being taken in by this kind of act.

Even that little smirk he does when the camera (aka, Harry’s gaze) pans in, is for Harry’s benefit. No one else noticed that. 

However, I still fail to find this creepy, like, at all. Yes, it’s a fake smile, but he’s portraying a different side of Tom Riddle to Coulson. Whereas, in COS, he’s in his vindictive, murderous element, where he’s free to express himself, in this scene, Tom Riddle is doing what he does best -- manipulating and managing appearances. 

This entire scene is an act. And because Harry knows it’s an act, it should look a bit stilted. 

From the Hepzibah Smith scene in the books: Voldemort smiled mechanically and Hepzibah simpered.

So, Harry is pretty adept at parsing Tom’s fake expressions.

But just look at the expressiveness in his face: he goes from brooding, he blinks, and his entire face changes to this charming (fake) smile. 

At the risk of sounding elitist, I’m a bit tired of seeing the word ‘psychopath’, which is not an actual medical diagnosis recognised by any psychological or psychiatric institution, being tossed about, especially with reference to Tom Riddle (and from a neuroscience perspective, it’s doubly annoying). There’s no such thing as ‘insanity’ or ‘psychopathy’ or being ‘crazy.’

-although I use it too a shorthand in conversation to distinguish ‘canon’ Tom from his ‘softer’ OOC counterparts, I really shouldn’t-

Unfortunately, I’ve seen the ‘psychopath’ comment used time-and-time again as an excuse or a full explanation of ‘why Tom Riddle went evil’ (JKR in fact, has made a weird comment in an interview, basically saying that ‘psychopaths can’t be redeemed or learn adaptive coping skills’ or whatever), which really just goes to show the lack of understanding and compassion when personality disorders, especially, are concerned.

But what I like most about the opening of this scene, actually, is that first, listless expression. And this is where we get slightly into headcanon, but Tom Riddle is the opposite of a happy, mentally healthy teenager. By Dumbledore’s own admission, he has no real friends. He has no parental figures, no real attachments. Yes, he might derive some pride or enjoyment from being good at magic and top of his class and all that, but I really don’t think even Tom finds that truly fulfilling. There is nothing that makes him happy. 

In fact, although some might perceive it as ‘creepy’, I think that listless expression is an accurate window into Tom’s psyche. 

I know people aren’t big on Freud, but I think that he does make some interesting points (also, cut the guy some slack for being relatively open-minded for the Victorian Era, and inventing psychoanalysis and while yes he did say some sexist stuff, good luck finding a field of science that isn’t male-focused and makes crazy generalizations about women, especially back in the day) about the possible origins of thanatophobia, the fear of death.

According to Freud, thanatophobia is a disguise for a deeper source of concern -- he did not believe that people were capable of conceptualizing their own death to that extent. Instead, he believed that this phobia was caused by unresolved childhood conflicts that the sufferer cannot come to terms with or express emotion towards.

Now, I know Freud almost always attributes mental distress to childhood experiences, but I think in this case, it really has some merit.

According to attachment theory, the basis of how we form attachments in adulthood is dictated by learning it from experiences with caregivers in the first two years of life. We know Tom was born in an orphanage, and that he didn’t cry much as a baby, and subsequently, probably received very little attention. Compounded with possible genetic factors and his caregivers being afraid or wary of his magical abilities, he later struggled to form attachments because of this -- I would actually go so far as to say that by the time Dumbledore meets him, Tom Riddle is severely depressed. 

And that flat affect and anhedonia, I think, comes over very well in Dillane’s portrayal. There’s kind of this resignation -- a very deep sadness and loneliness to his character.

Of course, he doesn’t derive any comfort or fulfillment from human interaction, because (to borrow the description from the Wikipedia article on ‘Reactive attachment disorder’, which Tom meets all the criteria for) he has a “grossly disturbed internal working model of relationships.” In other words, he is unresponsive to all offers of attachment because of this unacknowledged trauma.

(You could arguably class Tom as having an avoidant attachment style, but I think in his case the trauma and its effect on him are severe enough to call it disordered.)

RAD isn’t particularly well-characterized (especially neurologically) and quite new in the literature, but here are some links if anyone is interested in doing a bit of digging: Link 1 | Link 2 | Paper 1 | Paper 2

And, instead of trying to resolve this conflict in a healthy way, or at least recognize that this is why he can’t be happy and try to learn how to cope from there, he (a) represses the desire for human attachment and (b) funnels that negative emotion into being the fault of Death, the Grim Reaper (again, to borrow Freudian terms). 

And we all know how that turned out...

(And now, this should go without saying, but psychoanalyzing fictional characters has nothing to do with assigning a morality to mental disorders. Mental illness is neither a cause nor an excuse for criminal behavior -- in the same way that the cycle of violence is a phenomenon, not an excuse. Tom Riddle did not become a genocidal murderer because, in common parlance, he was a ‘psychopath’ -- he was not necessarily ‘predisposed’ to evil and could just as easily chosen to not follow the path that he did -- instead, he willingly made poor choices. This is a descriptive analysis, not a justification -- a ‘how’, not a ‘why’)

Here’s a Carl Jung quote that articulates it better:

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Yes, he’s a bit stiff (and a lot more formal than in COS during his *conversation* with Harry). But, and here comes the controversial bit, this is appropriate for a portrayal of a schoolboy in the 1940s. The upright posture is accurate -- respectful, polite -- everything Tom Riddle would have been expected to be (and even Coulson, in that scene with Dumbledore in COS, is quite stiff). Even the way he looks at Slughorn and maintains eye contact is very *respectful.*

And, Dillane (I think he’s seventeen or eighteen here) actually looks like a believable sixteen-year-old. I’m sorry, I love Coulson’s portrayal as well, but he looks around nineteen in COS; so in HBP, he probably would have looked at least twenty-two or so. (Sorry, not sorry).

This may be influenced by my own interpretation of the character (because I imagine Tom always looks young for his age, and Dillane fits that archetype, but I don’t think that’s very popular), but I think young Tom Riddle is supposed to be *cute* and a bit stiff/shy/awkward (being charming and awkward is very much possible), if you consider the way Dippet and Slughorn treat him. 

To support this, he says very few words to Hepzibah Smith (in the book, that scene’s not in the movie), and is very... bashful and coy during the whole interaction? I think yes, he’s charismatic, but he’s not loud, suave, openly flirtatious or particularly verbose. Tom Riddle should have a quiet magnetism, and to me, that came across in Dillane’s portrayal.

"I'd be glad to see anything Miss Hepzibah shows me," said Voldemort quietly, and Hepzibah gave another girlish giggle.

...

"Are you all right, dear?"

"Oh yes," said Voldemort quietly. "Yes, I'm very well. ..."

Even the ‘ugly, greedy look’ described in the books, when Slughorn starts spilling his secrets, is there. This is how he’s supposed to look! Slughorn glimpses it, but doesn’t understand its significance. Harry does. 

“Slughorn looked deeply troubled now: He was gazing at Riddle as though he had never seen him plainly before, and Harry could tell that he was regretting entering into the conversation at all.”

Remember the context of this moment, as well: He’s just discovered how to create multiple Horcruxes. Excuse him for looking a bit creepy (if not now, then when?).

Here’s two direct quotes of Harry’s impression of Tom Riddle in that scene: 

“But Riddle's hunger was now apparent; his expression was greedy, he could no longer hide his longing.”

“Harry had glimpsed his face, which was full of that same wild happiness it had worn when he had first found out that he was a wizard, the sort of happiness that did not enhance his handsome features, but made them, somehow, less human. . . .”

Tom Riddle’s Horcruxes are a direct metaphor for his refusal to allow himself to heal from his trauma -- instead, he continues to inflict destruction on himself and others.

His desire to continue creating more Horcruxes sort of resounds with the fact that self-harm can also become a compulsion.

I’d also like to digress a bit to discuss the Gaunt Ring, while we’re at it. While we’ve talked about his attachment issues in general, this discussion is particularly pertinent to father figures. And while Tom’s attachment issues are extensive, I think there’s ample evidence that as a child, he craved acknowledgement and acceptance from a father figure -- the man who gave him the only thing Tom truly owned -- his name. He would have had a vaguely defined mother figure in Mrs. Cole, perhaps.

"You see that house upon the hillside, Potter? My father lived there. My mother, a witch who lived here in this village, fell in love with him. But he abandoned her when she told him what she was.... He didn’t like magic, my father ... He left her and returned to his Muggle parents before I was even born, Potter, and she died giving birth to me, leaving me to be raised in a Muggle orphanage ... but I vowed to find him ... I revenged myself upon him, that fool who gave me his name ... Tom Riddle. ..."

We know that by June of 1943 (COS flashback) Tom has already uncovered the truth of his parentage; he knows he is the Heir of Slytherin via the Gaunt line, and he describes himself to Dippet as ‘Half-blood, sir. Witch mother, Muggle father.’

In Part 1, I discussed the high probability that as a presumed ‘Mudblood’, Tom Riddle was treated rather poorly in Slytherin House. But by this scene in the fall of 1943, he is surrounded by a group of adoring hangers-on. Why?

In my opinion; the Gaunt Ring. We know that Tom stopped wearing it after school, so its sentimental value couldn’t have been that great. We know he likes to collect objects (which I believe stems from his attachment issues -- he seeks comfort in things instead of other people).

Signet rings (such as the one belonging to Tutankhamun seen above) were used to stamp legal documents and such, in order to certify someone’s identify -- like an e-certificate, if you will. Like Tutankhamun’s ring, the Gaunt Ring bears an identifying symbol -- Marvolo Gaunt tells us proudly that it bears the Peverell family crest.

By the Middle Ages, anyone of influence, including the nobility, wore a signet ring. Rings in antiquity were auspicious -- they signified power, legitimacy, and authority. And so, I believe that all the Sacred Twenty-Eight families would have worn these, too.

And so, bearing the Gaunt Ring would have established Tom Riddle, symbolically and in the eyes of the Sacred Twenty-Eight (his future supporters and followers), as the legitimate heir to the House of Gaunt. This is why, I believe, Tom coveted the ring as soon as he saw it -- not just because it was a family heirloom, and not just because he thought it was a pretty toy for his collection.

(He curses it so that no one else but him can wear the Gaunt Ring safely.)

This is why, to make the legitimization literal as well as symbolic, Tom murders his father and grandparents. It’s not just an act of vindictive, murderous rage due to his perception of being rejected by his father (although it is that, too). And so, Tom, abandoning his search for a father figure (and possibly also giving up on the possibility to allow himself to heal from his own personal trauma rather than continue to inflict it on others), ‘cleanses’ his bloodline, to make himself truly legitimate. It’s rather telling that instead of affirming his legitimacy as a Riddle, which would have put him in line for a nice inheritance, and hey -- money is money -- (thus accepting his half-blood status), he simply kills them all. He has done all the murdering he needs to become immortal (and he hasn’t had the discussion about multiple Horcruxes yet); but yet, he does it again. Frightening stuff. 

(Just look how the others look at Tom. All but the one to his left -- possibly Nott, Rosier, or Mulciber -- have their torsos turned towards him. Their attention is on him, while he knowingly regards the viewer/Harry. Tom seems a little uncomfortable with the attention.).

“And there were the half-dozen teenage boys sitting around Slughorn with Tom Riddle in the midst of them, Marvolo's gold-and-black ring gleaming on his finger.”

...

“Riddle smiled; the other boys laughed and cast him admiring looks.”

...

“Tom Riddle merely smiled as the others laughed again. Harry noticed that he was by no means the eldest of the group of boys, but that they all seemed to look to him as their leader.”

The ‘gang’ are true hangers-on; Tom doesn’t seem to pay them much attention. 

So, if not via careful flattery or charisma, the attraction must be status.

And perhaps yet more telling...

"I don't know that politics would suit me, sir," he said when the laughter had died away. "I don't have the right kind of background, for one thing." “A couple of the boys around him smirked at each other. Harry was sure they were enjoying a private joke, undoubtedly about what they knew, or suspected, regarding their gang leader's famous ancestor.”

That, in my opinion, is as good as we’re going to get as proof that Tom’s shiny new signet ring (and by extension, his new status) made a big impression on his fellow students.

So, when he returns to Hogwarts, he is ‘pureblood’. He is cleansed of his Muggle roots, and becomes the legitimate heir of the House of Gaunt, now well on his way to becoming Lord Voldemort...

Watch the scene again, with a critical eye, and imagine Slughorn’s perspective, instead of Harry’s. There’s nothing creepy about Tom Riddle... unless you know what he is...

Strip away all the effects of Harry’s gaze (and notice, here he’s still looking at Harry), and he’s quite the charmer, actually.

(I will concede that I don’t like the promotional images where they have him looking like he’s up to no good. And I do wish he blinked once in a while.)

My challenge to you: Rewatch the scene with an open mind, and let me know if you agree that Dillane’s portrayal comes off as depressive rather than ‘creepy.’ And if not, why do you dislike his portrayal?

#tom riddle #character analysis #character study #the many faces of #tom marvolo riddle #frank dillane #i literally could not find any pictures other than these #literal crumbs i swear #i know this is unpopular #people really dislike him i guess #watch the scene again with an open mind i promise you'll like it #i seriously do think he did a good job #tw: mention of child abuse #tw: mention of self-harm #i'm not trying to oversimplify things but you can't deny that maybe if tom was hugged as a child it would have helped #say it with me: psychopathy is not an actual medical diagnosis #it's actual more of a legal/criminal justice term #and people just use it as a synonym for 'evil' at this point so the original meaning is pretty much obscured #and personality disorders should not be moralized #people with personality disorders are not 'evil'

[pugh-bug]

Scott Lang x reader

Chapter 16

Warnings: none except swearing as usual

I hope you enjoy this, I’m sorry for not updating this for what feels like ages. I’ve been at uni and very distracted. I’ve also been insecure about my writing being shit but oh well. Enjoy :) and let me know if you want to be added to my taglist

The controversy had swayed slightly in your favour. Finally people had begun to question why a certain ex Mrs Lang knew so much about a young, non celebrity girl and how fucked it all was (except fucked was not the word the media had used). There was a significant less amount of tension between everyone in the tower. Stephen, to no ones surprise, had been right. The media would move on.

You watched Scott take his second phone call of the morning, coffee in hand and Antony flying close by. ‘Hank needing you again?’ He nodded before continuing to listen intently. The kitchen swarmed with hungry Avengers, struggling to find the space not to bump shoulders while they buttered toast, fried eggs and poured milk into hideous neon bowls. Peter’s choice. The kid had questionable taste on a good day.

‘Y/N!’ Toast crumbs flew out of the boys mouth as he made his way over to you. Since his growing worries about his ‘beautiful’ MJ, you’d been spending more time together. He irritated you, sure, but he was one of the sweetest people you’d ever made friends with. Scott treated him like a son, when he wasn’t too busy, and you found yourself feeling sisterly towards him. Plus it was an excellent distraction from the controversy.

Peter smiled like someone with more than just good news on their mind. ‘I asked her out! I did it!’ He was beaming from ear to ear. You listened, as everyone else continued eating and chatting, to the hard to follow story of how Peter asked his girl out. Finally. You asked the usual questions ‘Were you nervous?’ ‘Did you pick a date?’ ‘Did she say she had a problem with dating a senior who takes the term web design to a whole new level?’. The answer was no to all except the second. (That weekend would be the date).

‘So you’ll be missing my birthday.’

Everyone stopped what they were doing immediately. What the fuck. You’d never once heard Stephen Strange mention his birthday. Whenever Tony or yourself had asked if he wanted to do anything he’d clammed up. Of course Tony or the Vision could easily find out the exact date but why bother if he didn’t want to celebrate?‘You want to celebrate… your birthday?’ You questioned the wizard.

‘Isn’t that what humans are supposed to do?’

‘You’re hu-OW!’

You kneed Peter under the table. ‘Of course he is.’ which earned you a suspiciously warm smile from Strange. Scott ended his phone call to ask Peter a hundred questions about MJ, which you found sweet, whilst Tony and Nat grilled the poor wizard about presents and venues.

Then came the third ring from Scott’s phone. ‘Hank’s desperate huh?’ Nat asked innocently, not noticing the look Tony saved just for your eyes. Pity. The man was bored and making up problems for his peers. It was no secret that Tony hadn’t been expanding much recently. The swimming pool had been a time waster so he didn’t have to think about Iron Man. You didn’t blame him. You were the queen of procrastinating but the government didn’t rely on you to protect Earth.

‘So denial it is?’ Wanda sniggered, pulling you aside as the kitchen was too busy. Scott was mere metres away, sounding more and more stressed down the phone, what the fuck was wrong? Whatever was happening was pressing. Dangerous? Too dangerous to tell you about because it would put YOU in danger? Maybe…

‘No.’

‘Okay..’

‘Don’t- don’t do that.’

‘I’m not doing anything. What’s Scott doing?’

‘I. Don’t. Know.’

‘Exactly.’

Shit- no not shit. It was fine. If Scott needed to tell you something important he fucking would.

RING RING

He would.

Stephen was still being laden with birthday questions just looked amused in his overly formal suit. It was a good look on him, you thought, blue. ‘I don’t need balloons and I don’t need flowers.’ You heard as you left. ‘But Sir, I’ve read that real flowers give humans significant increase in serotonin.’

You went to your room for some much needed peace. Scott was busy, Tony was acting more strange than usual and Thor was still devouring breakfast food at lightning speed. The tv in your room hadn’t gotten much use since you and Scott only used the bedroom for sex or sleep. It deserved some love too.

‘I know. It’s hard to narrow down isn’t it?’

You jumped at the sound of Stephen’s voice because frankly he was the last person you expected in your room. He’d never gone in before and you’d only seen his once. Once when you had your infamous drunken make out session. ‘You scared the shit out of me.’ Normally you would have laughed but Tony and Wanda had gotten in your head. Wanda quite literally.

‘Really? Me?’ He clutched his chest as if hurt. Not a lot of people saw Stephen’s funny side but you did. ‘Did you want something?’ You asked him after hesitating. ‘I kind of wanna be alone for a bit.’ To spare his feelings you masked your honesty with a forced chuckle that promised ‘I’m not being rude but please leave’. Your message was only partially received.

‘I don’t think you want to be alone. You just want me to leave you alone.’

‘Getting more and more true.’

Your tone seemed pointed even to you, which came as a surprise. You could feel yourself getting more irritated but it wasn’t at Stephen. It wasn’t his fault the media was after you and Scott. It wasn’t his fault everyone thought your relationship was a joke and you spent all of your time worrying if you and Scott were on the same page. Who’s fault was any of it?

‘From your tone I think it’s safe to say Scott hasn’t said “I love y-‘

‘It’s nothing to do with you!’

Your reply came out as more of an angry shriek than you intended but the man was pushing all the wrong buttons at the worst time. The following silent moments were filled by your conscious decision to say nothing in that way again. ‘I’m sorry,’ Stephen, seeing the instant change in your tone and body language thought it safe to sit beside you. ‘I don’t want to be angry and I’m not angry at you.’

Stephen cleared his throat and flirted with the idea of placing a hand on your shoulder. He decided not to. ‘I understand why you are Y/N. I’m quick to anger too.’

‘I’m not usually!’ You snapped instantly, causing Stephen to raise his eyebrows at your lousy defence. However it was true. You’d never felt this raw and emotional since meeting Scott. He made everything heightened. It was almost too much.

‘Stephen,’ the two of you looked up to the source of the sound. ‘Can I have Y/N back?’ Scott chuckled and your heart lifted, although you didn’t appreciate the implication that Stephen had ‘had’ you. The stupidly tall wizard made a ‘of course’ gesture with his hand and you shot him a thank you smile before running to Scott. It didn’t matter that you’d only just seen him that morning, you felt as if the two of you hadn’t spent much quality time together since Hank’s phone calls and Peter’s queries to you. In the day at least.

‘What do you want to do?’ You beamed at Scott, knowing he knew you wanted him all to yourself. ‘Drive?’ He kissed you with surprising force, as if he thought you were a mirage that would disappear if he didn’t try to consume some part of you quickly. It made you certain that Stephen was rolling his eyes.

Taglist: @supraveng @thottio @wandamaximoffshoe @aliceblxck @merleisapartygod @brianmayscurls @psychadelichues

#marvel #marvel fandom #paul rudd #scott lang #antman #fan fic writer #Scott Lang x reader #Scott Lang fanfiction #Scott Lang fan fic #Scott Lang slow burn #slow burn #antman x reader #Scott Lang x you #avengers #Peter Parker

[alexjcrowley]

Hi! This fanfiction is based on an idea by @idrilearfalas , she wrote the entire concept and the iconic/important lines you'll find in this fanfiction, check out her blog, she is great.

The Pompeii mission, Mobius thought it would have been an easy one. Everybody knows what should happen in Pompeii and it's usually all natural. You just have to make sure someone dies- eh, sorry Plinius- and someone lives.

It's an easy mission, normally, but not when you have to handle a certain norse God of Mischief. One who likes to throw a tantrum on every other occasion.

It's usually nothing more than bantering, playful and witty at its best, sharp and bitter at its worst, but it's something Mobius can handle. He can even enjoy it, when he makes a stupid joke and Loki tells him how stupid it is and they both chuckle. Loki has to learn something new about being a TVA agent and most of the times he makes a fool of himself before getting the thing right, so Mobius can tease him a little and Loki will respond sharp as ever, but with a sort of...endearing note in his stubborness.

Those are good days, days Mobius comes back to his apartment with a smile and when he closes his eyes he can still hear the God's laughter at whatever funny thing happened that day, or replay the moment when they looked into eachothers' eyes and they suddenly understood what to do with the mission, with a single glance.

Today was not a good day. He didn't know the reason. Maybe Loki woke up on the wrong side of the bed, maybe Mobius accidentally made an unpleasant comment, but the norse God started their mission with a pout you could see on the face of a child when they don't get the Christmas present they wanted.

"Oh well" Mobius had thought. Oh well, it's just another bad day, a day in which he had to watch his mouth, because you don't want to deal with an angered God. The general mood was low, the Minutemen looked already tired before the mission had even started and Mobius knew from the moment he passed through the portal he wanted to come back home as soon as possible.

But this wasn't an ordinary bad day. Mobius was prepared to deal with a bit of coldness, with a lack of enthusiasm from everybody, what he wasn't ready to deal with- he didn't want to deal with Loki acting like an asshole.

"And that's it? Really?"

"What did you expect me to say, exactly? You brought me here, you told me I was living a delusion and you gave me no choice other than being your hound. I apologise if I can't think of you as one of my dear friends."

"One of your dear friends? Who would the others be? Just curious, because I have seen your entire life and there is not one person, except maybe Thor, you actually build this strong and trusting relationship with-"

"Wonderful, so why did you expect you'd be the first one I'd decide to grant the gift of my friendship to? I am not even your colleague, I am subjected to this stupid organisation and to you in particular. We are not friends, we forcibly work together and that's it."

Mobius and Loki had been speed walking during the entire discussion, but Loki stopped for a moment.

"You can't fool me, I know very well I am not anything more than your ticket to the Variant. I'll be damned before I put my trust in you, we both know, after all of this has come to an end, nothing will be between me and that resetting stick."

You see, on an ordinary bad day, this would have never happened. On an ordinary bad day, Mobius wouldn't have seen all of his efforts to build a decent relationship with Loki shattered. Was he used to a suspicious Loki? Yes. To a Loki who said that trust is for dogs and children? Also yes. He had been used to that Loki since he first opened up his file. But he had also started being used to Loki's rare moments when he opened up, to his hidden heroic side which desperately seemed to call for attention, to his awkward, genuine reaction when he was showed any form of affection. Mobius had seen Loki spitting his "trust nobody" one liners with less and less convinction everyday, and then they were only mumbled comments to keep up a façade, and then they had become whispers, and then eyes rolls, to the point that Mobius had thought Loki had started warming up on poeple- warming up on him. But he was wrong. Just because Loki didn't voice his dissent, it didn't mean it wasn't there.

It didn't mean he saw Mobius as more than just enemy, even after everything they had been through, even after Mobius took on himself the risk of whatever would have happened to Loki and because of Loki, even after the trust he had shown him, even after the laughters and the lunches and the jokes and the stolen glances- now, look at who was the delusioned one.

Did this upset Mobius? Absolutely. But it also fired him up. Frustration, anger, embarrassment, Mobius erupted with a fiercety matching the volcano explosion just minutes ago.

"Do you really think I would just let them reset you?"

Although shorter than the God, Mobius stood up in front of him looking him in the eyes.

"After all I have done to keep you alive, after all we have been through, do you believe I'd just abandon you to your de-"

"What else would you do? Keep me with you, as your 'friend'? What, you took pity on me and were planning to give me a desk so I can spend the rest of my eternity working for the same people who robbed me of my future?"

"Now stop it, you two, the passage is open, we need to leave" said Hunter B-15, but Loki and Mobius didn't seem to have any intention of listening to her, so she just signed at the rest of the group.

"Come on, hop through it, they'll come when they're ready" she ordered. She waited for the Minutemen to go through the passage, she looked once again at Loki and Mobius and she shook her head, following her collogues back to the TVA. She closed the passage, aware that Mobius could have opened another when he wanted to.

"Just because you are a selfish, uncaring bastard it doesn't mean we all have to be. Is it so difficult for you to accept some people care about you? Like your mother or your brothe-"

"Don't you dare talking about them, you know nothing about them-"

"I literally know everything about them-"

"And stop pretending you care about me or trust me, I am the God of Illusions, I know all your stupid tricks, I used them before-"

Loki and Mobius were shouting very loud, they barely heard the footsetps of someone approaching. A Variant, not the Loki Variant, another one, an enemy of the TVA, probably.

Mobius noticed them in the corner of the eye and turned around fast enough.

Loki was not minimally done with the discussion, but if Mobius was looking away from him, something must have happened.

Loki has been in battles. Battles on Asgards are usually more "traditional" than what you see on Midgard. Sure, they can use magic, but it's mostly swords and axes and arrows and, sometimes, good old-fashioned punches. When he had been on Midgard, Loki had learned war had incredibly evolved. The glorified Midgardian technology changed the face of battles. He had seen a few of the new weapons, nothing that impressive, incomparable to magic. But he remembered them very well, he knew he was not a good idea to underestimate them. So he remembered the sound of a bullet. It was loud, violent, fast. It lasted a few seconds, and then there was silence. If you aim right, your enemy is not just wounded, he's already dead.

They both turned to see the Variant pulling out a gun, and then Loki heard it.

The sound of a bullet.

He shoved Mobius away, before the agent could do anything about it. Mobius heard the sound of a bullet as well, he heard Loki moan in pain and he knew he hadn't been fast enough. But he made up for it pulling out his gun as well, shooting the Variant right in the chest, it only took one bullet to kill him.

Mobius was suddenly grabbed by the arm by a bleeding Loki, who was trying to stand up in vain.

Mobius kneeled next to him, holding him and putting his head on his lap.

Blood. So much blood. The bullet hit the stomach. A normal bullet? You take him to the hospital and chances are he'll be fine. A bullet like that, with a venom release? Kills you in a matter of minutes.

'He is not going to survive' a voice declared in Mobius's head.

He had seen scenes like this too many times to ignore the truth, even if he was desperately trying to. So many missions ending up with corpses, Mobius had witnessed so many deaths like this. It was useless to try and save them, the most merciful act was to immediately reset them to spare them the pain.

But not with Loki. Mobius had already started pressing on the wound, trying to stop the blood.

Useless, all of this was useless.

Loki was uttering verses more than words, normally at this point he would have neen already unconscoius, but the whole being a God must have come with some sort of enhanched healing capacity.

"I am not...ugh, not surviving this?"

"No, no, you are, I just have to take you through the passage-"

"I am...the God of...lies, I know one when I heard...one" Loki coughed.

No, no, no, one thing was seeing Loki dies in a stupid video, another was to witness him dying between his arms, Mobius thought. He couldn't bear this.

Loki looked so scared. He didn't even have the strenght to talk to pretend he was fine with this, he accepted this death. He just looked pained and frightened. He tried to tighten his grip around Mobius's arm, but he couldn't, he was loosing too much blood too fast.

"He looks so young, God, he looks so young" was all Mobius could think. He had seen Loki die, he had seen him a hero, a son of Odin, a troubled man with a controversial life, but this Loki, he was too young. He was just learning what his life could amd couldn't be, he still hadn't make up with Thor or heard his father tell him that he loved him. There was an entire future for him ready to be rewritten, he couldn't die in that moment, he couldn't die on him.

"Aren't you...you tired of watching...me die..."

"You are not dying, Loki, we just have to press on the wound for bit longer, enough for it to stop bleeding, then I'll take you through the passage and-"

"It's always...so pathetic..." Loki coughed again "of a scene..."

Mobius looked around him for another piece of cloth to press on the wound. He had already sacrificed his jacket, but, in absence of anything else, he ripped part of the sleeve of his shirt and pressed it on Loki's stomach. The white cotton was soon impregnated by dark red blood.

"At least...both times...I died for someone I-"

Loki coughed again, exhaling his last breath.

Mobius stopped pressing on the wound. He stared at Loki's corpse in a silent horror.

His body wasn't cold yet, the blood was still flowing, but he was dead. Loki was dead.

Mobius conceided himself a few seconds to fully realize there was nothing left to do. He wanted to scream, but his mouth didn't emit any sound.

His hands still rested on the wound, wet woth blood.

"It should have been you, is that what you're thinking, isn't it?"

Mobius reluctantly teared his gaze off Loki's corpse, to meet the eyes of another God Mischief, one alive and on the run.

Towering over Mobius with his dark cloak, the Dangerous Variant casted a shadow on the two TVA agents. He then kneeled beside Loki's corpse.

Mobius looked at him is disbelief.

"Why are you here?" was all Mobius managed to say.

Why are you here now? Where were you five minutes ago, when Loki was still alive, when you could have done something? How are looking at your own corpse- they were, after all, the same person- without any anger, or surprise or shock?

Mobius wasn't scared of the Dangerous Variant, on the contrary. Although TVA insisted on branding him as this big enemy, he had on several occasions helped him and Loki out, even saved them from some very bad situations. He had never constituted a threat for him or Loki. Sure, he was a mass murderer, but that was kind of a Loki characteristic in general.

"Okay, here's the deal" said the Variant, without looking away from the dead body "You use your...your- ah, what's its name, the- the remote to go back in time, I'll take his place and it's happy ending for everyone. Except for me" he mumbled "but that was mever in the plans, wasn't it" he smiled bitterly, pushing a lock of the dead Loki's hair away from his face.

"What?" Mobius exclaimed.

"Just do as I say" the Variant kept looking down at the corpse "You turn back time, I take the bullet, you two live, I die. It's easy, Mobius."

"How the hell should this be easy?" Mobius shouted, prey to grief and confusion "Why would you do that? What's- what's the meaning of this?"

The Variant had been willing to lend a hand in moments of need, but he was no suicidal.

Finally, the Variant pried his eyes away from his other self and looked at Mobius.

"You asked me once why I was doing what I was doing, remember?" he began.

Mobius slowly nodded.

“Killing TVA officers, trying to destroy the system" the Variant continued "It was just... revenge. Against the TVA. For taking away the thing I cared the most about."

He then looked Mobius in the eye, with a strange intensity, some sort of regret.

"...I was that Loki"

He looked once again at the corpse.

"Then they killed you." he paused.

Mobius didn't say a word, but he kept looking at the Variant astonished.

"And I decided it was time to stray from my written path again. Because nothing else mattered anymore, except making them pay for what they did and making sure what happened to you in my past... did not happen in your present."

The Variant idly run a bony finger over his other's self pale cheek. He then raised his eyes at Mobius.

"I will take his place because he still has you" he then declared "and he still has time to accept" he made a small gesture with his hand, encompassing his dead alter ego and Mobius "whatever you’ve got going on."

Mobius looked at the Variant ever so bewildered, but the Variant simply closed his eyes for a few seconds, looking for the right words.

"He still has time to tell you...all the things I never said." 

The Dangerous Variant was on his knees, teary eyes and a lump in his throat, but he then stood up and cleared his stance. Despire the shaken voice, he proclaimed with all the courage he seemed to own: "I am Loki of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose." He screamed that to no one in particular, or maybe just to himself.

Mobius had been shocked into silence until that moment. Still looking at the Variant, he stood up too, hesitated for a moment then extends his hand to Dangerous Variant. The other one looked at it for a moment, and then firmly grasped it, shaking it.

Mobius was still very confused over what has just happened- what was going to happen.

"Are you sure?" he asked "You...would die. For good. I- I don't think there's a way everybody can get out safe from this- even if you consider time travel and-"

"I know. That's why I am doing it. So that you two get to live, you still has reasons to do it." the Variant said, no hesitation.

"I was right, you know," Mobius said, still reluctant to leave Loki's hand- the moment he did, the Variant would have to die. It was still hard for him to sentence someone to death. But his lips curled into an almost amused smile, even though with a note of sadeness "You're not a villain."

The Variant snorted- oh, Allfather, he had missed Moby's antics- and rolled his eyes, then looked at Mobius again, trying to hide his amusement. You had to have a sense of humour to live his life, Loki thought, there weren't many moments to laugh in his existence, he had to learn to appreciate rare moments like those, when fate graced him with the last sight of the love of his life.

"Turn back the clock, Mobius."

After a slow nod, his hand still in Variant Loki's, Mobius did as he was said.

***

Two days later those events, ut was a good day. In the previous two days, the TVA had finally declared that one of his most wanted Variants was not a problem anymore. Mobius simply stated he had "been cared about", with a hint of sadness nobody cared for. Loki had been quite shocked to witness his death, he had tried to do something for him, but Mobius had looked at him the way he rarely did- with resignation. Nothing left to do. He had offered Loki to spend some time together after the whole thing, to buy him a drink if he needed, to simply listen to him or leave him alone, if he wanted to. It wasn't easy to be a spectator of their own death.

Loki had recovered quicker than Mobius would have thought. Sure, you could still see Loki lost in his train of thoughts when he was left on his own, but he had seen himself die once, he could handle twice.

"Paperwork. To distract you. As a treat." Mobius put on his desk a stack of papers the size of an encyclopedia.

Loki frowned: "And you call this a treat?"

"Well, you can always go help Casey cataloguing the infinity stones, if you like it best" Mobius chuckles.

Loki mindlessly started playing with the Tesseract on his desk- yes, they let him keep it. After all, it was no more than a glowing blue lamp at the TVA.

"Mh, whatever" Loki sighed, picking up a paper, still glaring at Mobius.

"Oh, you have to file these for the end of the day, which gives you around...hmm, something between one and four hours in earth time, I don't remember now. Good luck." Mobius added before starting to walk away.

An irritated "what" that was probably heard in the entire pocket reality of the TVA made him stopped in place. Mobius couldn't help but smile, but he didn't turn around.

"You must be joking! This is- this is unacceptable! What is even supposed to mean between one and four hours? I may have king ambitions but you are the real tyrant!" Loki shouted.

"Oh, Loki" said Mobius, finally turning to face the God "This is very flattering, but I am no more than a mere bureaucrat."

"Yes, and the worst kind." the other replied. He then looked around him, noticing that everybody has stopped whatever they were doing to listen to his shoutings. With a faint flush on his face, Loki sat back in his chair, just after glancing at the whole room and snarling a "What are you looking at?"

He then looked back at Mobius, sighing a "I hate you so much".

Mobius simply smiles.

"Sure you do, kitten."

I am sorry for the spelling mistakes, I tend to make a lot of them and also I am not a native english speaker, so I hope I everything I wrote makes sense.

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