#I won't hide anymore

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

O God of Self-indulging Forgiveness

It's odd to me how you can look in the mirror and think you're a good person,

Or think that you will be one day,

Maybe you just say it to get under everyone's skin.

The horrendous acts, and the gleeful words you speak,

And the way you become vengeful if people don't like them.

The way you, even in the aftermath, tried to call for revenge,

And the way you plotted to take us down like a snake,

Cunning, slimy, venomous, yet petty,

Only because you're angry at my anger-

Resentful with my resentment-

Yet all you have to do is forgive yourself and move on, and it's okay.

It's like it's a fresh, clean slate every time, for you to turn around and harm someone again,

And then blame everyone else for struggling to accept it, because you've accepted it already.

Evil Christians tell others that God forgives them, so they don't have to feel bad for what they did.

Now I see why you call yourself a God.

And worship yourself for saving you from your own shame.

#poetry #original poem #poems on tumblr #depressing poem #poetic #abuse survivor #emo #demon #666 #Unhinged ill thoughts #trauma #toxicity #evil #fuck #i won't apologize #I won't hide anymore #Yeah you stopped us from getting an apartment #But now we got a house out of it

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?

I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.

Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.

Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.

Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.

Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.

Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.

If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.

So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.

#asks #twdg louis #twdg minerva #twdg clementine #twdg violet #twdg marlon #twdg tenn #honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??' #then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha #also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore #like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it #not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed #for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there #it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like... #that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly #also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but #I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did #like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite #anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good #i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw #like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit #and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification #and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go #he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down #'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m #it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay #this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about #even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks #that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not? #how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with #is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe. #why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain #i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself #that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it? #just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once #but never never never liked enough #i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting #i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out #i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again #but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough #for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay. #maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find #maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months #anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning. #on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you #god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie #but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down #blah #personal #not st

[ratwithhands]

I never get to post about this AU so this prompt had me PUMPED!!! This is Emmet from my Stelleret AU, where he made a deal with a star weaving, soul eating, spider Ultra Beast in order to find Ingo. He gave up his physical body for Stelleret's interdimensional/time travelling powers on the condition that he would continue to feed it. So they fused and now Emmet's a weird monster thing trying to manage the hunger of the other soul in the vessel and also find Ingo, wherever he is. There's more but I don't want to bore the audience rn ^^* if I have time I might post doodles/sketches, since this is one of my favourite AUs I've written but also very tedious and longwinded to explain. Anyways, hope you guys like the art and have a good day!

#submas #subwaymasteremmet #emmetpokemon #kudari #monthofemmet #pokemon #pokemonfanart #fun fact: there's so many stupid antics between StellerEmmet and Volo's family due to the complicated romance #this is one of the few AUs where I have them together and they're a silly couple doing their best #Emmet is also just generally very different in this AU (besides the obvious change) #5 years without Ingo‚ 3 years stuck in a body he hates‚ and not having positive human contact after the contract's sealed #he's very quiet and tends to hide a lot because he knows he won't be accepted by others #Volo's a big win in that aspect cause he doesn't really care and tends to him with all the love he doesn't get anymore #I'm not gonna get started on Ingo cause that's a whole other mess and I don't want to write too many tags ( ╯▽╰) #anyways have a good day let me know if you guys would like to know more

[pissfaggit]

Meeting Rick the Door technician is a harrowing enough experience as it is but this really just elevated it to a whole other level

#finished yesterday 👁️👄👁️ #and im moving into my own place tomorrow so i won't be able to use my sisters xbox anymore #so this is my last clip i swear xD #YOOOO dude that ending though... #ffffffuck #ive been listening to ghost star on youtube it was so haunting... #also... im about to be a typical pissy little star wars fan 4 a sec and bitch about a little detail #i kinda feel like it wouldve been better if bodes lightsaber wasnt red #like...hes not an inquisitor? if i understand correctly his deal with that isb officer was that #he would spy for him in exchange for hiding his identity from the empire/vader? #and also...even though he doesnt identify as a jedi anymore i dont think bode seea himself as a dark side user/sith #hes just a guy doing what he has to...so why would he bleed his crystal? #i wander what the orignal color was 👀 im kinda thinking purple would fit him #like a lighter purple #jedi survivor #jedi survivor spoilers #cal kestis #star wars #sir i protest i am not a merry man

[tillbonesshow]

Hey everyone back on another episode of why the fuck is my mother like this?

#ok rant time #i was thinking about enjoying a movie since i haven't in a long time and she was sleeping #i turned off the lights and sat down to watch it but she woke up and got into the room asking why I'm in the dark multiple times in an- #-aggressive way and turned on the lights #she then started asking 'what are you hiding from me you would only be in the dark if you're hiding something' #she ruined the whole mood and my night and then fucked off to sleep again #i can't enjoy a movie or really anything anymore cause she's glued to my fucking hip #if i smile at my phone she asks what I'm doing if I'm texting with my phone she asks who I'm talking to if I'm laughing she asks what I'm- #-laughing about if I'm watching something she asks what I'm watching if i woke before here she asks what i did and what i ate before she- #-woke up #stop just fucking stop i don't want to see your stupid fucking face anymore shut up get away from me I'm a fucking adult leave me alone #I'd be happy with her being annoying if she wasn't a terrible fucking human but she is i fucking hate this so much just shut up shut up #i fucking hate this house so much i want to burn it down with me in it #why the hell do i have to live with her constantly annoying me venting to me taking out her anger on me but my siblings can have their own- #-lives outside of this #this isn't fucking fair i never fucking asked for this any of this why why the hell is it always me that has to suffer #why the fuck is it me that got bullied and hit by my eldest brother for years but then i got threatened to be kicked out of the house by my- #-mother i was a fucking child why the fuck do she always side with anyone else that isn't me then has the fucking nerve to demand i treat- #-her like a friend she will fucking never be my friend i won't forget what she did and what she does she will never be my fucking friend

[you-usuratonkachi]

I still don’t get why El should break up with Mike,she looks happy with him :/

For me the Duffers can’t write,that’s it

I would have agreed on S3, but S4 brought up the issue of Mike being unable to tell her he loves her and how she feels like he's just idolizing her for her powers and by how that whole issue was handled, it feels to me like his respose wasn't satisfactory in the slightest.

Not only was he unable to tell her he loved her as she expressed her doubts and cried in front of him when she was without powers, when he does tell her he loves her it's prompted by someone else, during a moment of emotional stress, quoting someone else, STILL talking about her powers, when she has her powers back. Not to mention, the whole speech is meant to urge her to fight.

That monologue didn't solve the problem AT ALL. If anything, it confirmed her fears.

Which is why, if I was her, I would break up with him. Because he doesn't seem to understand the problem and that alone would make me feel like he doesn't really love me for ME.

Not to mention his monologue paralleled what papa told her before he died. Since her whole character arc is to leave behind everything that trapped her in her life, to finally find herself, by the way they framed the whole situation with Mike, it also feels like she should leave Mike behind too.

I wouldn't be saying this if they handled S4 differently, but right now? They are not very good together.

I mean, Lumax had that super cute, super simple but meaningful scene where Max laughs after a long time and Lucas goes "I missed it. Your laugh" and it's so powerful because you can tell he SEES her, missed her, they aren't even shown half as much but their relationship got such good development.

Can you imagine S4 Mike telling that to El? Not once did he mention a personality trait or soemthing about her that didn't relate to her powers. He romanticized their first meeting (we see that when he says "It's not fate" too) and talked extensively about what she can do. And when it came to actually talk about who she is, he could only say she's a superhero. Which ties in with the whole am i a monster? doubt she had. Except she already solved that issue. She knows she's not a monster, she left the real monster behind when papa died. She didn't need Mike to tell her that, in fact, he had already told her that when they fought the first time. She needed Mike to love her for something OTHER than that.

He didn't.

He didn't mention one single thing that wouldn't make her doubt his feelings.

The issue she had with him at the beginning of the season? Still there. The difference between his arguments during their first fight and his monologue is just that he added "i love you" (prompted).

So yes, if I was El i wouldn't be happy with that. I would only feel like there's no return. He failed her. Romantically.

She's happy with him because she does love him, but the point here is: does that suffice to keep the relationship going? Is their relationship what she wants? And I think at this point it's not. It keeps falling short compared to her expectations. She feels like she has to be someone "cool" to keep him interested (she lied about her situation when she didn't have her powers).

So yeah, I think to fully find herself and her value beside her powers, she should break up with Mike.

I'm not saying Mike is a bad person (well he wasn't good either this season but that's beside the point), I'm saying he has overly romantizised circumstances (based on what he said) and his inferiority complex doesn't help their situation. They bring each other down without really intending to.

And that's not good for her. She's working on herself, but he needs to work on himself too, so right now they are onto two different pages, and that would most naturally lead to a break up to me.

#byler #tagging it byler because what would i tag it #i'm analyzing #i shipped mileven my whole life #s2 mike screaming at hopper for hiding her #poetic cinema #they were beautiful #but now? #this is not it #i guess they have grown up #el is not the same lost girl anymore #she's a full fledged individual who believes in herself #and he's stuck thinking about her as that lost puppy he found in the woods #he's right #she doesn't need that anymore #and if he can't develop WITH her #she will develop without him #granted there is a 50% possibility that it's just duffers being bad writers #and this won't ever happen #but they have always written sensible romance #even will's feelings are so well written #it makes no sense that they do not see how horribly they have written mileven this season #but well again i'm 50/50 about it #i cannot tell #am i overestimating or underestimating them #i can't decide

[arthurslesbian]

i know it's the tiniest of moments but the way merlin was waiting for arthur in his room without him there, and the way arthur doesn't even react when he walks in to find merlin i'm-

#merthur #s4 e3 rewatch #this episode is breaking my heart #the last time merlin attempts to save himself #the last time he thinks 'and then i won't have to hide anymore' #before he gives up entirely #sigh #it hurts #the closeness they share?? the way merlin says 'i know' because he knows arthur better than he knows himself #paaaaiiiinnn

[the-acid-pear]

I'm hitting rock bottom <- dude whose belly aches so fucking much because he ate pork.

#luly talks #on top of the other horrors I've been feeling like shit for a hot minute now #i mean i did literally have a ptsd nightmare today and woke up w a pain in my eyes that is still going #and i had to hear my dad speak shit all day long with this anxiety crawling inside of me like the last man you'd trust loves you no more #and he won't hide it you're living with the enemy and no one will extend a fucking hand #when you don't ask for help it's a thing but when you're desperately doing so and no one cares it's... #I'm genuinely so tired #and i know i had a nightmare because i went to sleep extremely anxious #I'm so fucking tired AT LEAST I DON'T WANT TO KILL MYSELF but i just cannot do anything #i dont want to kill myself but i feel myself dying #when was the last time i could. draw? i haven't enjoyed anything in so long #i keep trying to do things and my brain clouds up my whole body tenses whenever he starts moving objects in the kitchen #i cannot go on like this anymore i need fucking help desperately

[rassvetiye]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐀𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄, 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐒𝐀𝐈𝐋? details of anatoliy's home. 1/?

#VISUALS. #STUDY. #cal won't stop picking on me because i havent decided Where in the country he's put down roots ... #there's just no mystery anymore :L #''how old is anatoliy? where is his house?'' #me: *hiding anatoliy's face behind one of his little dairy goats :3*

[crazydreamer6]

....does anyone have that master post of good compression tops and/or binders? Or even just recommendations, honestly, I am figuring some stuff out. This would be for occasional use so, like, even just a good compression sports bra could be helpful. Appreciate any input 💜

#Me #My stuff #Binders #Compression tops #Gender #gender dysphoria #Demigirl #I just... Sometimes I don't want them #Like there's a good 80% of the time where I'm fine and I love my womanhood #But sometimes I wanna be a flat goblin #Or if I'm feeling more masc a certain day #Especially with the summer months on the way and i won't be able to hide in my big hoodie anymore #I live in Arizona and I like to not die of heatstroke please

[deithe]

also god of war ragnarok was pretty good! liked kratos actually softening and understanding and trusting atreus! kratos loves his son and was unwilling to let the cycle of violence continue....he wanted atreus to be able to trust him, and he did that by trusting atreus first. he learned to let go but to also let atreus know he'll always have a home with him and mimir and freya. very sweet story in the end, ignoring poor fuckin sindri...

also liked the re-focusing of the creation of jorgonmandor and fenrir, very cool interpretation of the myths to fit the story. angorboda was so sweet and her friendship with atreus was so cute

#odin was a standout character though holy fuck. his va his mannerisms his goal....perfect odin #he just wanted to know. everything. and he kept at it until he died #sindri though.....sad and fucked up but i get why he was so angry at atreus #also i cant wait to see where it goes next #i know it won't be in norse mythos anymore. but if we're following loki/atreus maybe some celtic mythos? #bc its been confimed it exists with mimir being puck #so maybe some giants are hiding there since in irish mythos we do have giants i think #gowr #gowr spoilers

[chocoenvy]

NOOO this is reminding me of the arranged marriage au idea ive had w the tsaritsa........

shes always so stiff n serious and you think that she hates you but really she's just awkward and afraid of loving someone again. her trying to keep her distance and not get attached but someone tries to kill you n she snaps. you've never seen her show so much emotion but also she just..looks so scared and she's trying not to be overbearing but even if you got a small cut that's no bigger then a papercut she's panicking.

evil murderous women who have a soft spot for their partner and everyone knows abt it even though they try to hide it........

leaves this and runs 🏃‍♂️ - eros

ARRANGED MARRIAGE AU- ofc you have an arranged marriage au with the tsaritsa/lh

As soon as people find out you're the object of the Tsaritsa's affection (because no matter how much she tries to hide the fact she has feelings for you it's painfully obvious) an assassination is planned on you. You're the Tsaritsa's weak point, if they can get to you (which they're confident that they can) then they can get to the Tsaritsa.

But then the Tsaritsa went ape shit as soon as she found out about it. Yeah she's burying her feelings, and yeah she's pretending she doesn't care about you, but you're still technically married (or at the very least you're a very important person in her court) and she cares a lot about you. Even though she's still pretending she doesn't. She's not convincing anyone, not even herself at this point.

But, feral, monstrous Tsaritsa going ape shit over someone trying to hurt you <333 she's so pretty <33 she's towering over you asking you if you're okay with her large hands and fangs covered in blood but y'know it's kinda hot-

#choco.asks #*~frequent customer #should the reader be a simp or normal the question i struggle with everyday #okay but consider this but hydro archon- #she has koko vibes if you get what i mean? #like they have a deal where they hide bodies in the ocean and don't tell anyone about it #hydro archon (marie is the fan name we're giving her for now) is like kinda of the quiet jealous type #like she's very loud about the fact that you two are dating or that she likes you or whatever she's into pda and stuff like that #but she doesn't like openly admitting to the fact that she's jealous #she's obnoxious and won't hesitate to put someone in their place but to actually feel jealous and have you make her feel so weak #she hates it so much #she doesn't even tell you how much she's done for you or how little it weighs on her conscious #she gets rid of them and forgets them #they're further down in the ocean than anyone will ever find them there's no reason for her to dwell on them anymore #She's prideful of how much she's accomplished but she doesn't like the dark and deep jealous feeling or the horrible things she does #because of this feeling #she won't ever tell you and remain the cute loud obnoxious prideful little shit you call your girlfriend #SORRY THIS GOT CARRIED AWAY I LOVE THE ARCHONS A LOT ASKLFJASDLF

[sevicia]

There is something I do that interferes with my daily life to the point it's causing me a loooot of distress and discomfort and shame and I wanna stop it but it's genuinely so embarrassing I am taking it with me to my grave at all costs

#I feel like it's escalating and soon I won't be able to hide it anymore but I hope that day never comes #and I wanna post about it too but I have to be very vague (though you can probably guess) lest I die from The Skull

[pen-of-roses]

Character Study: Oliver Rook

The meadow is a normally quiet and peaceful place, tucked away from the busy world around it, where the only life tends to be the passing griff, the mischievous hexies dancing amongst the brightly colored flowers, or an escaped goat that had wandered far. A cool wind carries the distant birdsong here, and takes the sweet scent away to equally distant parts of the isles. Part of that peace comes from the strange air that settles over the area, warning off most travelers and unsettling to the locals who whisper of curses. They’re right in so far as it is magic that they feel in the air here, and could see too, if they bothered to be here this early, the sun just beginning to rise, with her light catching on spiderweb thin strands of silver Cast. A starry field within reach.

There wasn’t just birdsong on the wind now though, nor just the usual creatures flitting about. Instead, the haunting notes of a half forgotten lullaby were drifting from the figure playing a flute in the meadow’s heart, and an amphithere circled overhead.

They never dreamed that a slice of heaven such as this could be cast-touched, but here it was and here they sat.

A heavy dark blue cloak, like those worn by mourners, obscured most of their body. The loose brown shirt they wore and baggy cargo pants added to the effect of hiding their frame. From their thin hands and face, most assumed the rest of them followed suit. Though most strangers’ eyes were drawn either to the simply carved wooden cane at their side, the heavy scars that crawled up their neck and left side of their face, or to the silvery left eye that so differed from its dark brown, near black counterpart. Some of the scars made it to the back of their left hand too.

Like so many of the Korryn inhabitants, white freckles dusted their tan skin. Though unlike most, their brown hair was short, barely reaching past their chin, and a mess of tangles from their recent travels.

Their bag lay next to the cane, a heavy thing for most to carry, but rather light and small for it containing everything they owned but what they wore. Its contents were enough coin to buy travel and food in the next town, a couple well worn shirts and pants that had been clumsily repaired, letters that weren’t ever read, a small threadbare blanket, a canteen, a needle and some thread, a carved figurine of a wyvern carefully wrapped in a scarf—also usually untouched—, rope, and a case for the flute they played.

Here, they seemed as close to relaxed as possible. They swayed slightly with their music, their eyes were closed, and their body was loose, though their long Sharial ears twitched with every new sound and movement around them, and their eyes moved rapidly behind their eyelids. Every so often, their face would contort with pain, though it was there and gone in a second. Still, it was more honest than most of what they showed the world.

As the last notes of their lullaby were carried away, they opened their eyes to the early light of dawn over the meadow. They would have to start moving soon. On to the next town, the next crowd to get lost in, always having to stay several steps ahead.

For now though, for just these few seconds they could rest.

The amphithere settled around their neck, her feathers and scales changing from the same deep blue as their cloak to a calmer green reminiscent of the flower stems. With her familiar weight pressed against them, their body relaxed the rest of the way, and Oliver Rook lowered their flute, and shed the tears they had been holding back.

#writeblr #writing #amwriting #excerpt #Character Study #character development #character appearance #Oliver Rook #why do i pick words my dyslexic butt can't spell #would you believe me if i said i was sorry for that ending? #no? #yeah that's fair #this one is weird partially because Oliver is specifically hiding as much of themself as possible #so like there's less to get from just a snapshot view of their appearance #but also that gets a lot #oh and Eldryn can change colors now! #They don't have an official home anymore #it's just that bag #....we already established the you won't believe i #m sorry bit

[s-insomnia]

going on a big time rush nostalgia rewatch and i find it so fascinating how they handled addressing actual issues (homesickness, psychosomatic illness, fear of rejection, emotional repression)

like multiple times a character will plainly just. state the problem a character's having (ex: when bob tells logan that logan's relationships never work because he's afraid of rejection; when the therapist in that one ep just straight up says james' tanning spray addiction is because he feels estranged because of the pressures of his career; or when logan says that james' sickness due to him losing "swagger" was psychosomatic), just to have the other character respond by saying "what lol?"

it's so... interesting. because the writers clearly realized their core audience (kids) probably wouldn't understand the point when it's put in more "adult" terms (like kids aren't going to know what the hell "psychosomatic" means, or truly understand what fear of rejection in romantic relationships is), shown by how the point would be re-addressed sometime else in episode in much simpler terms. yet they still did it?

i mean, i don't dislike it. as an almost adult, it gives me a much greater appreciation of the show that i didn't have when i watched the show when i was 8. it's just... something i've really noticed.

#i could write a whole essay on how kids tv shows tackle 'real life problems' #like when in wizards of waverly place #harper says alex fell in love w the version of dean she saw and dated in her dreams #with the obv irl connection being how people can fall in love with the idealized versions of their partners #or how in big time halloween #kendall being a werewolf and trying to hide it from jo bc he's afraid jo won't like him anymore #is possibly an allegory for how nt people feel they have to mask their behaviors to fit in #or or or how in lab rats #spike is literally just a bad attempt at dissociative identity disorder #or maybe im giving the writers wayyyy too much credit #who knows #s-in.ramble #s-in.txt #what did i just write