unhinged-ill-thoughts

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

nobody;

My ex: damn what if I drew the same exact type of thing over and over, put a different name on it, and called it a new character. I'm so special and gifted and creative 😌

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

brag about your positive, 'I love everyone but also hate bad people but also nobody is bad but fuck the conservatives but love and light" when you can still do it without being an abusive piece of shit to anybody who decides to date you and spiraling into a noncommunicative/stonewalling piece of shit that claims doesnt understand morals so you cant be held responsible for rape, but does understand just enough morals to criticize everyone else for projections based on the fact that YOU do those things

You're still living in the same fucking place you almost always have, yet flexing online because that's the only thing you can do while having the most mundane and unfulfilled life (because you're a boring piece of shit who doesn't like anything unless it caters to your self absorbed behavior and soothes your shitty ego) and only doing said things because you're hungry to try and prove something/prove that you're not stuck while everyone else is. Is that why you begged for good things to start happening again?

And who the fuck cares that you've managed to 'fill the void' after everyone left. We both know you deserve emptiness and you're just bragging needlessly about the fact that you're a waste of space that is still unfortunately here on this earth temporarily. Rapists deserve nothing but death and emptiness, or at least that's what we always talked about. Crazy how you can turn into a diet Christian or centrist hippie with your live love laugh behavior the second you realize that applies to you too, tho.

so bragging about having make-believe things and morals despite these facts isn't the flex you think it is. It's being spiteful against the fact that you're an enemy of the world, like congrats I guess? Congrats for appreciating you have a family, a home to stay at, enough privilege and mental wellness to be toxic positive, and friends, ONLY when you can try and rub it in other people's faces for a superiority complex, and otherwise probably do what you've always done and have a tantrum with them outside of social media presence (like you used to do toward everyone else).

I would say i hope I could see you at the dethklok concert, since seeing me last year made you spiral enough to rope the friend who you don't talk to anymore into babysitting you, then proceeding to brag about being cool and forgiving yourself for being a rapist and for being a 'victim' (to us leaving, because a normal person would or would at the very least resort to reactive abuse to push someone away, after that someone brags about rape, constantly bragged about being abusive and two faced shit but then conveniently forgets when its toddler time) on fb because it's funny to see you ONLY be toxic positive and spread bullshit to soothe your ego and keep a superiority complex from seeing that I'm still existing and going to fun, new places- but I know you wouldn't be able to afford it anyway , and I don't wanna smell that stank energy, either.

I just want to indirectly remind you that I'm still here despite you, still more real than you’ll ever be, that I've gone through hell and back and can still actually live with myself and who i am in all its mentally ill glory, while you have to roll your abusive, shitty personality and everything else in sugar and sweetness and victim complex to live with yourself. But especially remind you that your whiny, dramatic tantrums to keep me from your affordable apartment complex because you're not as love and light as you think (nobody can be love and light and still be shitty toward the exes that they ABUSED to the point of trying to fuck them over in the most classist and elitist way ever) is what helped get us a HOUSE ALLLLL the way into the next town over.

Good luck having to repeat the same the toxic positive things tho because you somehow have even less of a personality than before and need to prove something to yourself, I can only imagine how much you're probably melting down on your bad days with this much repression.

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

"I'm just here to repair the relationship with myself" just say you don't feel empathy for the people you rxped and are only here to soothe your ego and go

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

My poetry has now been compiled into a book for me to sell (:

I don't expect a lot of buyers, I'm just happy to consider myself an author now

As a warning, some of the poetry is "edgy" I suppose, and a lot of it is angry (based on the trauma and hatred I have for my ex abuser). To show that it's okay to not be warm and sunshiney and forgiving toward abusers just because that's what society expects.

#poetry #poems #poems and quotes #Poetry book #mental abuse #emotional abuse #abuse survivor #poem #angry poetry #dark poetry #poems and poetry #author #poem post #self promo #original poetry #self publication #Poetizer

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

Me: so you don't like me because I don't like two faced rapist abusers? So you're a rapist abuser apologist?

Them: no! I don't like you because you left me and because you're acting like a victim-

Me: to rape and abuse?

Them: ...

Me: I left you because you're a rapist abuser

Them: ...

Me: And you're mad about that, and thinking I'm acting too much of a victim over it.

Them:

Me: that makes you a rapist abuser apologist,, and a victim blamer

Them: no bc I don't like you for leaving me

Rinse and repeat

-you can never call yourself a good person for as long as you feel like a victim to me leaving bc I was sick of your hyped up performativity as a rapist, even as I gave you the benefit of the doubt all the way up until that point-

Sigh. At least I'm becoming actually numb to the audacity. I just need to get out of the habit of reliving it.

#abuse recovery #abuse survival #trauma #abusers #fuck abusers #demon #toxic

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

Victim complexes from abusers are so weird.

They hate the term victim to begin with, and associate it automatically with negative connotations about how people only use the word to be manipulative and not take accountability. Ironically because they're projecting onto the fact that THEY would/already do use that word in that manner. While also trying to dismiss people who are victims to abuse at the same time by making it seem like real victims are just crazy or pitiful.

But they basically hate any time someone says they (the abuser) are acting like a victim unnecessarily, because they just have so many reasons/excuses for why they are the way they are. Which is... basically them victimizing themselves over having a victim complex. Oh no, your dog died when you were 10 and you've never been the same since? Sounds like you're being a victim to something that happened 15 years ago and has nothing to do with punching people in the face. Are you thinking about punching your dead dog while you abuse someone?

And they're allowed to hold everything over your head at all times. They're allowed to play the "it just upsets me when you do x thing uwu" to excuse abusing you. They're allowed to call themselves a piece of shit or garbage person or threaten to unalive themselves because life is so hard or being a respectful partner is so hard, etc etc.

But you cannot be upset or else you have a victim complex, not them. You cannot hold a grudge or feel resentful or else you're milking it. You cannot break up with them because they'll twist it to make you seem crazy and unreasonable and victimizing yourself.

Then the main problem they have in the relationship is that either:

That they're not allowed to just do whatever they want without consequences because it hurts their feelings and now they're a victim to "oppression" aka accountability.

Or the fact that they're mad that their hand isn't being held for everything. "Teach me morale, keep poking and pushing me even though I'll lash out, you're giving up on me by not teaching me common manners". Weaponizing incompetence (even though they're competent any other time), to be a victim to the idea of having any responsibility to take care of their own mess, because people don't want a grown toddler for a partner. Being a victim because people don't want to babysit an adult and make sure they're not out here rxping and abusing people,otherwise you're the shitty person.

They'll have a victim complex over everything, even you acknowledging you're a victim/survivor to abuse. "Omg you're milking it and trying to make me suffer by not letting it go!" Way to use my reaction to your abuse as fuel for your hurt/disturbed feelings. Nice way to continue milking the situation and keep looking like a victim even though you've "moved on and got better".

And OK but did YOU let go of anything in the relationship? Would you let this go if it were you dealing with this thing that's 10x worse than what you had to deal with when you were losing your shit over small things? The shit that were literally conjured in your head due to your own victimized brain seeing shit that wasn't there and abusing people as a way to lash out?

It's just weird the way they act. I hate it. They hate people who are actually victims to something fucked up because they have zero empathy for anybody outside of sympathizing with themself. But they'll be the first to tell you they're a victim to their own actions and constantly make it known and make you aware of it.

They're a victim to the world somehow not liking them.

They're a victim to abusing people til they leave.

They're a victim for trying everything they can to be miserable and reject happiness.

They're a victim to their own behavior and they'll constantly make that known.

They're a victim to being held accountable.

They're a victim to people not liking them due to their actions.

They're a victim to people not letting go of what they've done the way they want.

As if being a victim is supposed to just stop people from being upset with them because they want to look as pathetically inept as possible.

But God forbid you are a victim to them. God forbid you are aware of being an abuse survivor.

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

I feel I should be more thankful

I have gained the strength to live,

Despite having to live with the truth

And you,

You have to turn it all into lies, just to live with yourself at all

That sounds like a horribly shaky, delicate mind prison that you'll have to thread your needle through for the rest of your life.

- thank you for showing me what desperation looks like

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

"You have to forgive me and move on or else you're a bad person". Sounds exactly like what someone who isn't worth forgiving would say - (a fucked up person who can't prove they're worth forgiving so they have to manipulate it out of you by exploiting the kindness in you, as well as your fear of being a bad person)

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

if it took them years and your breaking point in the partnership for them to finally figure out how to love you properly all of a sudden, it means they either:

Could've learned to love you properly this whole time and didn't ;

Already knew how to love you and wouldn't ;

Or they don't plan on loving you like this for very long.

Bc it's a form of lovebombing to suddenly just *figure it out* one day and you're not a bad person for not being satisfied with it/not finding it to be enough to get you to stay.

No matter what they may say to twist the narrative and try to paint you as the bad person for not accepting it.

If they wanted to actually love you, they wouldn't have waited until your usefulness- as a punching bag, slave, and expendable character- was at the threatening point of leaving their grasp.

#It's the same thing as them suddenly fixing themselves after you leave #They had this whole time to figure it out but couldn't until you left? #Trying to make you look bad and them look like a miracle #But it's them bandaging a bruised ego and forcing themself to “seem” better out of spite #Which still makes them just as shitty as they were when they were dating you #trauma #Abuse #love bombing #Lovebombing #abuse tactics #controlling behavior #real talk #run away #abuse recovery #abuse survival #toxic #manipulation #manipulative #fuck abusers #breakup #punching bag

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

you don't get to be proud that I left and you didn't. You don't get to be proud that I seemingly caved first.

You wanna know who caved?

The person who purposely mocked and undermined me to break my self esteem because they were jealous and competitive.

The person who saw my accidental struggle to communicate and decided purposely not communicating- and then getting mad at me when I did communicate about it- was good punishment.

The person who twisted previously told stories to match up with my stories.

The person who stole all my ideas and then gaslit everyone like they came up with them.

The person who ignored me or stonewalled me or emotionally neglected me.

The person who begged for me to change different things over and over and while I did so, they refused to even budge an inch with anything shitty they did because it's "unfair" for a variety of bullshit reasons.

The person who plotted behind my back to get rid of me because they were jealous.

The person who said they hated me and then projected that I must hate them to validate them hating me.

The person who told me to stop being mentally ill or to at least not tell them because they were too much of a little bitch to deal with "sharing the spotlight"

The person who gave up even pretending to be a compassionate, loving partner.

The person who was too lazy to bother changing, and instead demanded that I deal with the baggage and fix them myself (even though they couldn't handle being supportive of my baggage, but I had to fully take over on theirs).

The person who tricked and abused me to secually assault me.

The person who was delusional enough to start fights while knowing they were in the wrong.

The person who made my life a living hell because they couldn't own up to admitting that they wanted me gone because they were insecure.

That person was you.

You caved every time you had to do something other than be self absorbed.

You caved every time someone else existed with an issue that no longer enabled your main character syndrome.

You caved into passive aggressiveness and basic abuse tactics like stonewalling and gaslighting to hurt me and push me away, so you could play victim.

I walked away but you never wanted me there to begin with. You wanted a slave and thought you could beat me into it, and then proceeded to leave and walk away and emotionally abandon me as punishment.

there is nothing admirable about staying to show off a ship you sank and continued to desecrate even after.

Esp then calling everyone else the traitors for leaving on a life raft.

#abusers #toxic #abuse survival #trauma #abuse recovery #emotional #fuck abusers #emotional neglect #emotional abandonment #stonewalling #gaslighting #emotional abuse #neglect #bullying

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

Fuck Off

NOT MY FAULT

ITS NOT MY FAULT

YOUR PROBLEMS ARE NOT MY FUCKING FAULT

a message from every traumatized person who has been made to think its our fault.

its not our fucking fault you cant go through life without blaming someone else just to get through the moment.

so we are gonna finally fight

call us crazy we dont care.

you cant make me doubt me anymore.

who the fuck do you think you are?

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

Made another version of this bc not everyone actually tries to become better

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

"the past is the past" she screams

Not understanding why she's still disliked for being abusive and not seen as the victim she never was, but saw herself as... while she was being abusive.

#trauma #abuse survival #abusers #toxic #abuse recovery #evil #demon #victim complex #You're such a victim #fuck abusers #verbal abuse #Sexual abuse #physical abuse #emotional abuse #Neglect #abuse survivor #ptsd #Trauma

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

Here to talk about "so I'm the bad guy for being the bad guy?" In terms of having to communicate.

Refusing to communicate, and the other people not initiating a dialogue that is YOUR responsibility to start, doesn't make you a victim, but it also doesn't make us project onto you that you're the bad guy because we more than likely don't even know there's an issue, or if we do, we're just waiting for you to say it.

If you think you're a bad guy because you have to start a conversation, and we've done nothing to encourage this feeling, it's a good sign that you already know what you're about to say is shitty (which is why you don't want to bring it up in the first place; you want someone else to start shit so you have a reason to push that feeling on others. But now instead you gotta twist it and make them look bad for NOT starting shit, like they're painting you as bad).

You have to be the "bad guy" and initiate that dialogue because it's your responsibility. If you don't initiate your problems, you don't get to be mad when the issue keeps persisting.

also if you see it as a bad vs good thing then that means your view of communicating is unhealthy which makes you more likely to project, deflect, and argue, which is another reason why when, even if people know there's a problem with you, they'd rather wait for you to approach them because they don't want to have to fight if they can avoid it (aside from the fact that they also aren't obligated to force you to speak to begin with).

that's why people pleasing shouldn't be dependent on whether or not you speak, lol. Not saying the problems you have isn't always a people pleasing thing. Sometimes people want to start shit by keeping quiet. Sometimes not saying anything makes people hope they can make the other person look bad.

#abusers #trauma #toxic #abuse recovery #emotional #evil #abuse survival #communication #stonewalling #gaslighting #victim complex #manipulation #manipulate #people pleaser #projection #deflection #deflective #Unhinged ill thoughts

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

this is what it would have looked like if I let my ex run my book the way she wanted

#Meme #Funny #Cringe #stupid shit #fuck that lmao

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

every person who has ever preached to me to "forgive and forget"

Has been a bitter and judgmental person behind closed doors

Or has had some nasty skeletons in their closets that they want to bury which is the only reason why they care (self-serving idealism),

Or personally cant let go of being wronged and can only let go of wronging someone,

And always are the first to pop off with an attitude the second you don't accept their "sweet and loving nature" as something to adopt.

.

.

If forgiving and forgetting automatically makes me a prick who has a tantrum every time someone doesn't swoon to some self-martyrdom, egotism-based ideals

And/or it automatically makes me look like the average abusive 40-50 year old Christian housewife with 0 standards, guts, or morality in favor of resentful complacency, and someone who invalidates their kid's feelings and trauma bc "the past is the past" then cries when they don't get talked to anymore,

And especially automatically makes me look like the biggest I'm-speaking-from-privilege twat ever,

Like every other fuckwit I know that screams about forgiveness and moving on but can't let go of the time a prettier girl breathed in their direction,

I think I'd be happier being a "miserable prick" who holds people accountable and doesn't forgive them just bc time passed.

You know, so the resentment of me trying to look superior and nobody giving a fuck doesn't get to me, and I don’t have to lash out at innocent people as a result to release pent up anger, I mean "forgiveness"

#I want to meet one ex that says “the past is in the past“ or ”forgive n forget“ #And actually means it for everyone #including any resentment for me and other victims #Not just saying it bc they're resentful that the survivors don't owe them forgiveness #U can forgive yourself for making me suffer #But can't forgive me for not being able to forgive you for making me suffer #how does that work #forgiveness #skeletons in the closet #I don't forgive #I don't forget #abuse survival #trauma #mental illness #neglect #accountability #resentment #emotional abuse #selfish #insecurities #emotional #toxic #moving on #superiority complex #complacency #morality #privilege #666 #Demon #unhinged

[unhinged-ill-thoughts]

Accountability isn't saying sorry then continuing to run with whatever fucked up delusional story you came up with that lessens the blow of you being the piece of shit in the situation

As much as you may see yourself a victim for past trauma, mental illnesses, etc, you're not the victim in a situation in which you have maliciously used someone and destroyed the parts of them that you used to envy, just because you used to be for a completely different scenario. And I'd rather you didn't speak as though you still were by calling yourself a people pleaser or martyr.

If the past is the past then the past where you once cared about people at 5 years old is dead, and the past of you being the victim no longer exists either. Whatever you have chosen to be last is what you are now.

Thats what happens when you squawk 24/7 about the past is the past. The past that made you justified in the behavior that had nothing to do with it is as invalid as you thinking your past doesn't make you an abuser. You aren't an abuser anymore? Well you sure as hell ain't a victim and honestly never have been.

Personally? I do think our pasts matter and do define us to a certain extent. But they don't excuse your behavior as much as they dont determine it. And it's especially not about pretending like it never mattered. It's called "owning up to it".

If you care about erasing the abuser part but not the victim part, you don't care about moving on. You care about getting stuck in the place that made you feel most comfortable during the whole thing.

#verbal abuse #abuse tw #abuse survival #abuse ment tw #abuse tactics #abuse recovery #fuck abusers #to my abuser #trauma #Ptsd #Past is the past til its not #Right #Unhinged ill thoughts