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willalove75 · 10 months

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Rebecca x Reader - jealous sex

Hehehe yesss! Thank you for the request!💕💕

Warnings: Smut babyyyyy, also a little angst, a dash of fluff, denial, a pinch of praise kink, dom!Rebecca, idk what else

18+ Only Minors DNI

Gif source

Rebecca had been working overtime for the last two weeks and has barely been home, no less had time for you. It's not that you were incredibly clingy, but every time she came home you got a quick kiss, the two of you would eat dinner in near silence since she was exhausted and after a shower, Rebecca went to bed.

In all fairness, you expected this season to be more chaotic than the last. With Ted back in the US, Roy took over managing the team, Keeley had an idea for a women's league and there were hundreds of other things going on all at once. Rebecca was exhausted, and you understood that and tried to give her as much grace as possible, but when the second week rolled around, so did her attitude. Yes, she was burnt out and exhausted, her patience at work has worn down to almost nothing, but when she got home, you got the brunt of her frustrations.

Rebecca was apologetic when she caught herself or when you brought it up to her, and maybe it would have sat with you a little better but you've barely spoken, she's been a bitch and the two of you haven't sad sex in over two weeks. You tried to initiate a few times but she was either too tired or gave you an attitude so you stopped trying all together.

Finally, it was Friday, and with no plans or matches on Saturday or Sunday, you were finally hoping to spend some time with your love. Hoping that she can relax enough so she wasn't so overwhelmed. As much as you hated how she acted towards you, you also hated that she was always putting so much pressure on herself.

"So babe, what did you want to do tomorrow since you finally have some free time?" You ask over dinner.

Rebecca gives you a look and your heart sinks.

"What are you talking about? We have the benefit tomorrow night." She says with a hint of frustration in her voice.

"What benefit?"

"West Ham is holding a benefit and all of the local clubs are invited to go. I told you about this last week."

"You definitely did not." There's an edge to your voice you weren't expecting but in all fairness, you're pretty annoyed.

"Yes, I did."

"Rebecca you didn't-"

"It's not my fault you don't pay attention." She snaps.

"Alright, I'm over this." You say as you get up from the table. "I know you're overwhelmed and stressed but it doesn't mean you get to talk to me like shit. You did not tell me about it, you've barely spoken to me in two weeks."

"So you're not coming?" She asks, visibly annoyed, as you put your plate in the dishwasher.

Rolling your eyes you look over at her. "As much as I don't want to go, yes, I will be there."

Neither you or Rebecca speak to each other for the rest of the night or the following day. The tension in the air is so thick you can cut through it with a knife. You're absolutely dreading this event but it'll look bad if you're not there and you'd rather not get bombarded with questions about your absence.

Silently, the two of you get ready for the evening and head out. Rebecca looks stunning, as always. You'd be drooling over her if you weren't so annoyed with her, truthfully. And because you're spiteful, you make sure you look as hot as possible. Wearing the dress that Rebecca has told you more than once she loves on you. That she usually has a hard time keeping her hands off of you when you wear it. You picked out a pair of tall stilettos that perfectly accentuate your legs, your makeup is flawless, making your eyes pop, and your hair is styled in a way that shows off your collarbones.

As soon as the two of you reach the benefit you beeline it to the bar and Rebecca stops to talk to some people. Right off of the bat you take a shot to curb your frustrations from the last two weeks and order your favorite drink. The bartender makes your drink and passes it to you and you tip him a £20.

Spotting Rebecca, she makes eye contact with you and notices the drink in your hand, she scowls for a moment before turning back towards her conversation. If you were any closer, you probably would have exploded on her.

Normally, you wouldn't go out of your way to piss Rebecca off, especially not at an event like this. But right now, you don't care. You're mad and hurt and with the small amount of liquid courage running through your veins, you're feeling daring and decide "fuck it." You want to make her feel the same way she's made you feel for the last two weeks, regardless of how immature that may be.

As you walk around the benefit you talk and mingle with a few people and you make sure you're in Rebecca's eyeline. After talking to a few players you finish your first drink and move on to your second one.

The night goes on, you and Rebecca barely speak to each other and before you know it, the benefit is almost halfway over. You were hoping deep down that being out would have relaxed Rebecca, but it hasn't and you're over it. Deciding to grab another drink, Rebecca watches you as you get up from the table and walk away.

While you're at the bar, a gorgeous woman walks up next to you and orders. The two of you greet each other and you can feel Rebecca's eyes boring into you from afar. Catching a glimpse of her out of the corner of your eye, she's staring directly at you and this woman. Bingo.

"I'm y/n, what's your name?" You ask the woman.

"I'm Samantha, but most people call me Sammy."

"It's wonderful to meet you Sammy. So what brings you here tonight?"

"I'm actually new to the West Ham women's team, this is my first season with them."

"Oh! That's exciting, how are you liking it?"

"It's amazing, I was nervous at first when I heard about the owner but luckily he's no longer in the picture anymore so I'm enjoying it more than I expected to."

You know she's talking about Rupert. After assaulting the coach and being booed off the pitch last season he sold the club. A new, much nicer, owner took over.

"Oh yeah, you definitely dodged a hand grenade there." You say with a laugh.

"What brings you here?"

"Oh, I work for AFC Richmond."

"Ah, so you know Rupert?"

"Luckily I joined after his reign ended, but I have had the displeasure of meeting him on a few occasions."

"I haven't had the pleasure of meeting him yet."

"Consider yourself lucky."

Glancing over, Rebecca is still staring at you. The scowl on her face would be terrifying if you weren't so annoyed at her. Because you're a little shit, you decide to take it up a notch.

"Was he that bad?" She asks.

"Oh he was the worst, I only met him a few times and each time he hit on me and tried to make a move, it was gross."

"Ew!"

"Yeah! He's such a creepy old man! It's amazing he can still get it up honestly."

The two of you burst into laughter and your hand grazes her arm for a moment. In less than thirty seconds you hear heels aggressively clacking on the floor, you see Rebecca out of the corner of your eye and she's pissed.

"I'm so sorry, can you excuse us for a moment?" She politely says to Sammy, who is confused but nods and walks away. Rebecca grabs your arm and drags you to a secluded spot. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Oh, hello, it's nice for you to finally acknowledge my existence."

"Y/n I am not in the mood."

"Neither am I." You say and you begin to walk away. Rebecca grabs your arm again and spins you towards her.

"Really? Of all nights, this is the night you decide to test my patience?"

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

"Do not play dumb with me. I saw you with that woman, flirting with her. Did you really think I wouldn't notice?" She says, her bright green eyes burning with anger.

"Who said I didn't want you to notice?" You deadpan.

Rebecca grabs your drink out of your hand and puts both yours and hers down on a nearby table and grabs your wrist.

"That's it, we're leaving."

Before you can respond she pulls you out of the reception and through the doors to the entrance of the building. Her car pulls around a minute later and the two of you get in. The anger is radiating off of her, you don't think you've ever seen her so mad before, honestly. It would worry you if you weren't so mad yourself.

When the two of you finally make it home, Rebecca slams the front door shut and crosses her arms, her eyes narrowing at you.

Neither of you say a word since neither of you want to be the one who breaks the tense silence. Rolling your eyes, you turn around and walk into the kitchen.

"Don't you dare walk away from me." She says as she follows you.

"Or what? You'll pretend I don't exist for another two weeks?"

"How dare you, how dare you flirt with that woman, right in front of everyone. Do you know how badly that can reflect on me?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," You say, your voice dripping in sarcasm. "how silly of me to forget that absolutely everything revolves around your image."

"What is the matter with you?!"

"Me?! You're the one who's barely spoken to me in two weeks, you're the one who hasn't touched me, the one who's been snapping at me for no reason when I try to talk to you. I should be the one asking what's the matter with you?!"

"And you think that makes what you did tonight okay?"

"How the fuck else was I supposed to get your attention Rebecca?! I've been trying for two fucking weeks! All you've been doing was snapping at me and ignoring me. So yes, I flirted with another woman, does that make me an asshole? Yeah, probably, but I've tried literally everything else besides screaming at you, because you and I both know nothing was going to come from that." Rebecca stands there for a minute almost shaking with anger.

"So what? You wanted to make me jealous?"

"Yup, and obviously, it worked pretty damn well."

"What? I'm not- no-"

"Rebecca Welton, you are many things and being jealous is certainly one of them. Who knows how far I would have taken it." You push. "I could have complimented her beautiful eyes, or brushed a strand of her hair away from her face. I was thinking of whispering something in her ear, something that would make her laugh. Resting my hand on her back-"

"ENOUGH." Rebecca yells. She storms up to you and grabs the back of your head, hard. Pulling your face just inches away from hers. "You've made your point. Now it's my turn to make mine."

Before you're able to do anything else Rebecca spins you around and bends you over the countertop. A hand comes down hard across your clothed ass and a small yelp emerges from you.

"You want to tease me?" Rebecca says through gritted teeth as she brings her hand down again onto your ass. "You want to make me jealous?" Another smack. "You want to flirt with other women?" This time Rebecca pulls up your dress, revealing your soft skin that's starting to turn red from the smacks. "Just to get my attention?" She smacks your bare ass and you yelp again. "Well my darling, you have it. You have all of my attention now." She smacks your ass once more before palming it and squeezing it, massaging the reddened area.

A low moan escapes from your lips. The cool granite countertop feels soothing against your heated skin as Rebecca continues to hold you against it.

Her fingers dip between your legs and she runs them over your underwear. It's almost embarrassing how wet you are already, you can hear Rebecca smirk when she feels the wetness through your thong.

She drags her fingers languidly up and down, just applying enough pressure to certain spots to make you twitch. It takes everything in you to hold back your moans when she circles your clit, you don't want to give her the satisfaction, at least not this quickly. But she knows that she can turn you into putty in her hands in just a few stokes of her fingers and tonight she's testing your strength.

After a few more firm circles she pulls her hand away and you have to muffle a whine of disappointment. Her hand comes down hard on your ass again and you let out another yelp.

Rebecca grabs the fabric of your thong on each side of your hips and slowly pulls it down. When they reach your ankles she smacks your ass again and uses her foot to kick your legs open wider.

"This was not was I was expecting." You think to yourself. Although you're not upset about it, it's actually really fucking hot seeing Rebecca in this state.

"You want to make me jealous?" She asks, grabbing the hair on the back of your head. "Answer. Me." She growls.

"Yes."

"All because I didn't give you enough attention?"

She tugs at your hair when you take too long to answer.

"Yes."

Rebecca's fingers find your dripping slit and she rubs you up and down, stopping every so often to circle your hardened clit. A moan threatens to escape and you swallow it.

"Let me hear you." She demands.

She circles your clit faster and a moan slips past your lips.

"Good girl." She says, picking up the pace, drawing more moans out of you. "I know you wanted to make me jealous, but for a second did you ever think that little girl could pleasure you the way I do?" Her middle finger prods at your entrance before sliding into you.

"Oh fuck." You moan as your eyes roll to the back of your head.

"That she knows your body as well as I do?" She curls her finger just right and your knees almost give out. "That she could make you cum the way I can?" Her finger curls more while she slides it in and out of you. "Hmm? Is that what you thought?"

"No!" You cry out.

Rebecca slides a second finger into you and the moan that leaves your lips is just sinful.

"No one can make you feel as good as I do baby, isn't that right?"

"Yes-" The word blends into another filthy moan as she curls her fingers in a "come hither" motion inside of you.

With her grip still tightly grasping the back of your hair, Rebecca pulls on it as she fucks you faster. She pushes and pulls her fingers in and out, fast and hard, curling them when she's deep inside of you. Moans spill from your lips like a prayer and your legs begin to shake. She's building your climax fast and hard and if she keeps it up, you won't last much longer.

Your walls start fluttering around her fingers and she knows your close.

"Please!" You beg.

Rebecca brings you closer and closer to the release you've been craving for two weeks. Just as she's about to send you over she pulls her fingers out and you cry out from the loss. She smacks your ass hard again as you feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Grabbing your hands, Rebecca folds them behind your back, your face now flush with the cool granite countertop.

"Do not move." She commands.

All you can do is nod your head and you hear the sound of her heels retreating out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Your legs quiver and you clench around nothing, your body still reeling from the denial.

After a few minutes you hear Rebecca walk back into the kitchen, sans heels. She walks up behind you and you can hear her shuffle around and a low moan escapes from her. The sound of a cap opening and closing clicks and Rebecca places a bottle of lube on the countertop in front of you.

Your body shivers with excitement when you feel something cold and hard slide against you. After a few strokes, Rebecca slides the strap on deep inside of you and a guttural moan passes through your lips.

Slowly, Rebecca slides it in and out of you. Both of your moans melt together in harmony as she keeps a steady pace.

Rebecca starts quicken her thrusts and she grabs your hip with one hand, her nails digging into your skin, and grabs your arms still folded behind your back with the other. With each practiced thrust, she pulls you back into her, sending the strap deeper and harder into both of you.

"Oh fuck Rebecca!" You cry out.

"Good girl, I know how much you love it when I fuck you. Better than anyone else, right?"

"Yes, fuck! Yes!"

The dildo is hitting all of the right spots deep inside of you, once again you can feel your orgasm building. With the other end of the strap on nestled deep inside of her, both you and Rebecca moan with each of her thrusts. She picks up her pace and releases your arms, you immediately grab onto the edge of the countertop, her hand grabbing your other hip.

Rebecca pulls you into her harder and harder with every thrust and you can feel your walls clenching down around the toy. Cries ring throughout the house, neither of you can decipher whose cries are whose as you both rush to the edge.

You can feel Rebecca getting closer when her thrusts become less calculated and more desperate. She drives you closer and closer to your release and you cry out her name like a prayer.

"Fuck Rebecca you're gonna make me cum!"

"Yeah?"

"Yes!"

Rebecca's cries get louder and you know she's close too. You push back into each thrust and you feel yourself tipping over the edge.

"Fuck baby I'm gonna cum, fuck me please make me cum!"

"Good girl baby, fuck I'm so close." She pants.

"Cum with me baby, please, oh fuck please!"

Rebecca's thrusts become erratic, hurling the both of you over the edge into a canyon of pleasure and ecstasy. She keeps her pace, fucking you hard, dragging out both of your orgasms for as long as possible before slowly bringing the both of you down.

With one final thrust, Rebecca practically collapses on top of you, both ends of the toy still buried deep inside the both of you. You can feel your dress sticking to your back as you lay across the countertop trying to catch your breath.

After a moment of silence you feel warm kisses across your shoulders, languid hands slide up your waist and grab hold of the zipper on your dress. Every inch of skin revealed as she pulls the zipper down is met with soft, loving kisses. When the back of your dress is completely open, Rebecca slowly slides the strap on out of you and then slowly takes it out of her. Her fingers slide under the straps of your dress and she slowly pulls them down. Pushing yourself up off of the counter, Rebecca pulls your dress all the way down until it pools at your feet.

Her hands find your hips once more and her lips lock onto your neck. She gently nips and sucks on your pulse point before her hands slide up and gently cup your breasts. While Rebecca massages your breasts and riddles your neck with love bites, you lean your head back onto her shoulder and take a deep breath, relaxing into her as you exhale. Rebecca's hands slide down to your hips once more and she turns you to face her.

Looking deeply into her green eyes you see love. You also see something else, guilt? Her eyes become glassy and you gently cup her face.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry." She says softly.

You wipe away a tear that escaped with your thumb and you caress her cheek.

"I'm so sorry for how I've treated you the last few weeks. Even though I was overwhelmed, even though I was stressed, there is no excuse for how I treated you my love."

"It's okay baby, I forgive you. I'm sorry for being so immature and making you jealous tonight. I should have handled it better."

"No, don't apologize. I deserved it. You're right, I don't know what else you could have done to have gotten my attention. And that is so unfair to you, I promise from now on when I get overwhelmed, I'll listen to you more. Because you deserved so much better than how I've been treating you lately."

You wipe away another tear that fell from her gorgeous eyes and you pull her in for a kiss. Her lips feel like home, they're soft and warm and when you're kissing her, the entire world disappears.

When the kiss finally ends, Rebecca wraps her arms around you and pulls you tightly into her. Only then did you realize that she was also naked. Her skin against yours has never felt so right, like your bodies were made to fit together perfectly. Rebecca pulls away and takes your hand, leading you up the stairs.

In the bedroom, she lays down in bed and pulls you down next to her. Her arms wrap around you and you lay your head on her chest. Lithe fingers trace abstract patterns across your skin while your legs tangle together under the sheets. Rebecca kisses the top of your head and rests her cheek against it, an audible sigh escaping from her lips.

"Thank you." She quietly says.

Adjusting yourself to look up at her, you furrow your brows.

"For what?"

She looks down at you with a smile on her face and kisses your forehead.

"For putting up with me when I'm a raging bitch. For forgiving me, even when I don't think I deserve your forgiveness. For having the biggest heart I've ever seen in a person. For loving me, for everything."

Leaning up you place a soft kiss on her lips and nuzzle into her neck.

"I'll always love you, Rebecca."

"I'll always love you too, my love."

#willalove75 #hannah waddingham #rebecca welton #rebecca welton x reader #wlw fanfic #ted lasso #rebecca welton fanfic #ted lasso fic

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dreaminginvelaris · 3 years

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A Response to a Feyre Anti

I made a post recently explaining the dread of having to watch Feyre be abused by her sisters and father, in the Tv adaption. And a Feyre anti made a response, to something that should not be criticized at all considering what I said was just the truth? Feyre was abused. Not only that but they went on and completely twisted the narrative to fit their own ideas and in the process made Feyre out to be cruel and Nesta a saint. complete bull.

I will not be tagging the anti bc they have me blocked (shocker), but also I do not want anyone to go after them, if you come across the post, I don't want it to be through me. it's as much respect I can give to them.

I usually do not respond to those who have something to say with a post of mine or are blatantly talking about me on their blog, unless they're just spreading absolute lies about me or what i "said", it's usually a waste of time to do so. but this post attacked Feyre with outrageous lies and a complete backward interpretation of what actually happened in acotar, so as respectful as I can be, I will be analyzing the anti-response and what truly happened in acotar.

"the audience will only see two sisters fighting-not abuse" "it’s not Nesta you need to worry about. It’s audiences calling Feyre a big dumbass and a bitch" -from anti

if the audience has basic human compassion and empathy for humans IRL or fictional, they will see what's obvious from the start. Feyres abuse. how is it going to look, when they see Feyre walking through the woods, shaking from the cold, starving from hunger, and struggling to find food for her family? only to later see Nesta's treatment of Feyre?"

in the anti's post, they said Feyre was just as "heinous" to Nesta.

is Feyre the one calling Nesta a pig? a smelly pig? ordering her to take her clothes off?

no, it's not, it's dear Nesta. the text goes as "I took my time, swallowing the words I wanted to bark at her" oh yes... how cruel of Feyre. how heinous of Feyre to...stay quiet... at the verbal abuse.

in the same image we see Feyre ask Nesta to do something (kindly might I add) and then inquire why she didn't chop wood like she needs to.

what does Nesta do? acts like a brat and insults Feyre...once again.

considering I'm going off by the story and not the actual screenplay, and assuming they stay true to the story; will the audience not be disgusted by Nesta's behavior? I mean they just saw Feyre struggle to find food and they expect Feyre to go home to a family happy and appreciative of Feyre but instead, they get this familial abuse.

the anti said Feyre basically tells Nesta this:

"If you keep bitching at everyone like this no one will want to be around you or you can’t marry this guy because you’re a waste of space to me"

but what do we see?

"Believe me... the day you want to marry someone worthy, I'll march up to his house and hand you over. But you're not going to marry Tomas."

the word worthy, did that not catch your eye? Feyre said Nesta will have to marry someone worthy, someone, who will treat Nesta kindly and give her the life Feyre thinks her sisters deserve. bc Feyre does think that IDK why anti feyres think Feyre despised Nesta so much, Feyre loved her sisters.

what the anti fails to realize here is that Nesta marrying Tomas would have been actually pretty great for Feyre. in the sense that, Feyre would no longer carry the burden of her sister. Feyre would not have to worry about feeding one more mouth. or worrying about Nesta's constant stealing of Feyre's money. Feyre does not think Nesta is a "waste of space" to her, if she did, it would have been easy for Feyre to discard Nesta, and allow her to marry Tomas. the anti has that twisted.

but that is not even the worst part of the scene. did you see the shameless slut-shaming that came out of Nesta's mouth? how will the audience take to that? do you think most of the younger generation will take it lightly to see a sister slut-shame a sister? a woman putting down another woman? in this social climate? where the feminism movement is alive and flourishing. will they be okay with it? will they still blame Feyre and be mad at her the way the anti says they will be? I hope not otherwise I'm losing faith in humanity.

Lovely words Nesta spews at Feyre. I admit Feyre should have told her then and there that Tomas is abusive. but let's think: Feyre is 19 years old, the youngest, has never had any raising by a parental figure, has been neglected by her whole family, where would Feyre learn to calmly talk to an overgrown brat like Nesta? Feyre telling Nesta who Tomas truly is the duty of a parent, not a sister. I will not condemn Feyre for not knowing that was the perfect time to tell Nesta who Tomas is. especially when Feyre is being tormented and verbally/emotionally abused, its kinda hard to think about something else while you're being told all these horrible words. to us its easy to see where Feyre went wrong but unless you're in the exact position Feyre was in. no one has any room to talk. and even then, every person is different in situations like these.

this part was me analyzing the interactions between Feyre and Nesta since anti had reasons to believe Feyre was just as bad to Nesta and that the audience would see that and hate Feyre. I am now going to respond to the second part of the Feyre Anti's response.

"How will an audience of non-fans react to her not reaching out to her family to tell them she was okay after the reconciliation between her and Nesta? Or not inviting them to the wedding?"- from anti

moving onto acomaf now.

Idk maybe the audience will see Feyre, a depressed, lonely, individual in an abusive relationship while being manipulated by other individuals she called friends, and understand and empathize with her. all throughout the beginning and half of acomaf, Feyre is in critical depression. she wholeheartedly believes she should not be alive. that she is not worthy. she doesn't eat, all she does is sleep, self-care is not important to her or others so why would letting a family know she's okay, a family who BARELY ever cared about her, be a priority? it doesn't seem like Nesta or elain or her father was really fazed by Feyre's lack of communication. her father left on a trip, elain got engaged and Nesta, well we didn't see a tearful welcoming to Feyre on Nesta's part did we?

anti, where is the outcry of her "family" not even really caring if Feyre was safe or not, of what happened to her? it's not like they thought she had died, otherwise, where was the mourning or funeral? no, they just didn't care.

see this is where I know when anti is just full of bullshit. why, WHY, would Feyre invite her family to wedding full of fae? the creatures elain and Nesta fear and hate? for all the talk many anti's spew about Feyre being inconsiderate to Nesta, to her family, you would think Feyre maybe just knows a fae wedding would be the last thing they would want? even then, does Feyre owe them an invitation to her wedding? does she owe them an update on her life? nope. Feyre owed them nothing.

"How about her shit-talking Nesta to a bunch of strangers then having the audacity to ask her to get involved in a war. Oh! This is after she comes into her house and insults their hospitality." - from anti

I hardly think Feyre confiding in individuals who she learned to care about and laying out all the trauma Feyre endured with her family is "shit-talking" but for argument's sake, let's say it is. I still don't see what's wrong? after years of pent-up anger and hurt, would you not let go of everything you withheld inside and explain what was done to you? how you felt? Feyre telling the IC her life story, which contains Nesta's abuse and her family's neglect, was a form of therapy for Feyre. I never read a line where Feyre calls Nesta a "cold-hearted bitch" or called elain "a lazy ditz" she just said the truth. no added embellishments. Cassian was the one who shit-talked Nesta during the dinner scene, never Feyre.

I still don't understand why antis are so against Feyre asking her sisters for help? like the war didn't involve them? they're humans, and you know what the war was about? Hybern wanting to take control of the human lands like they once did and turn them into slaves. those humans included Nesta and elain.

"They could have left the continent" correct, except elain was engaged and refused to leave Grayson. which meant Nesta refused to leave elain. but even so, isn't it the duty of humans to band together and work to overthrow a race of people who want to torture and keep them as slaves? the queens certainly weren't doing their jobs. Feyre asked to use "their" house to meet the queens bc where else would they do it? the queens trust the fae less than Nesta or elain did. but even so, Feyre asking to use their house was a courtesy, that house is rightfully Feyre's. she is the one who sacrificed herself to leave with Tamlin. she did it bravely, courageously, and they got that house thanks to her. they owed Feyre everything. and the only one who acknowledged that was Elain.

that war involved elain and Nesta whether they or Feyre or the anti's liked it or not. not even considering that Nesta and elain are Feyre Archerons sisters, yeah, their family name alone puts a target on their back.

How did Feyre or the court insult Elain's and Nesta's hospitality? You mean when Feyre realized human food differed from fae food? something she did not know about bc she's barely been turned to fae and only had eaten fae dishes? Feyre's grimace towards the human food was an involuntary reaction to someone who is still learning their new body. or was it when Cassian called out Nesta for her cold treatment towards Feyre? if that's the case then fuck decency, I would call out a fake bitch in my presence from minute one. you cant call what Nesta did "hospitality" when all she did was insult Feyre when she didn't even care that Feyre had died, or lost her love bc of abuse, or that her body was changed against her will.

hospitality: the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.

did y'all read something different bc this for sure was nothing Nesta gave to her guests?

----

the rest of the anti post moves towards Rhysand and his actions UTM which I won't go into because I'm mainly just addressing the false interpretations this anti had to say about Feyre and her family.

I'm not sure how to sign off now lol, but I guess just that I hope this was enough to show how this anti's arguments were completely ludicrous and have absolutely no compassion for Feyre, and instead all the compassion for Feyre's abusers. This anti had a real spin on what the actual story was, and I hope the evidence I provided was enough to show that. Anyways yeah my brain is fried, and I'm done arguing with Feyre anti's for a while now, I need to go praise my queen Feyre so I can receive some semblance of peace.

anyways, stan Feyre for clear skin xx

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boxofbadaddiction · 4 years

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A Reason to Smile

Fred Weasley x Reader

This Story is inspired from a request of my Movie Lines Prompt List.

Prompts: 4, 10 & 16

"Let's put a smile on that face."/"Go ahead, make my day."/"Yippee ki yay, Motherfucker."

Warnings: Swearing. Umbridge.

Y/n woke up in a foul mood. With less than 3 hours sleep after having spent the whole night in detention with Umbridge and just can't seem to find a reason to smile. Even the thought of spending the day with her best friends, Fred and George, fills her with somewhat dread.

She doesn't want to see anyone. Do anything. Or go anywhere. Which is totally unideal for a Saturday. If things were to go her way she'd just roll over and stay in bed.

But she's starving so there's just no avoiding the inevitable.

Begrudgingly she pulls herself from her bedsheets and readies for breakfast.

As she arrives in the Great Hall she keeps her eyes trained to the floor, bee-lining for a place far enough away from the other students in her House to simply eat in peace before disappearing back to her dorm for the day.

But of course, with Fred and George as your best friends, how could she have possibly expected that to go to plan?

"Hey, y/n/n!" One of the Twins shout as they made their way over to her House table for breakfast. Their typical peppy demeanour mocked her, as it seemed impossible to draw herself from her current bad mood. Unable to even muster a fake, courteous smile for the sake of conversation.

"What happened to you last night?" spoke George as they sat either side of their dishevelled appearing friend. "Popped out to hand in some homework and we never saw you again. What'd you get lost?" He teased, nudging her shoulder in the process while his brother chuckled at the remark.

"I'm sorry I disappeared but please guys not today. I'm not in the mood."

"Woah, what's with the tone, love? And not in the mood? Please! You're always in the mood for us" Fred goaded pulling y/n into his side by her waist. A guesture which would usually have her leaning into his touch but not today.

She shook herself from his hold with a huff, leaning onto the table she propped her head up by the palm of her hand.

Neither Twin knew how to react, she'd never been so put off by them before. "Y/n...are you okay?" Fred asked sincerely. Both boys were eyeing her concernedly.

Y/n avoided eye contact, staring fixedly at her, now cold, bowl of porridge as she stabbed at it with her spoon. That's when Fred noticed it. The pink discolouration on the back of her hand. His heart dropped at the sight. She'd obviously been with Umbridge last night.

"Y/n-" his voice was firm as he spoke, drawing her and Georges attention immediately, his eyes flicked briefly to hers before focusing solely on the forming scar. "Your hand."

"It's nothing." Y/n straightened herself tucking her hand into her lap with a slight wince as the fabric of her clothes caught the still tender surface of her wound. Her other hand came to grip at its forearm to distract herself from the dull throbbing pain which now coursed through her hand.

"It's not nothing!" Fred snapped harshly, but as a whisper so not to draw too much unwanted attention.

George delicately reached across her lap lifting her injured hand into the light, his own eyes near shaking as they searched desperately between hers and his brothers expressions before inspecting the words she'd been forced to carve into her own flesh all night.

"I will obey the rules" he read the words aloud, the very phrase causing a sick bile to rise in each boys throat.

"I was busted on my way back. She told me I need to 'be more aware of the company I keep' less something like this happen again" y/n mumbled with distaste, her eyes locked determinedly onto the tables edge.

There was a moments silence between the three, all seemingly afraid to speak, before George stood abruptly, storming from the hall. An action which caused y/n to close her eyes tightly, drawing a sharp breath in, attempting to distract from the tightness that'd formed in her chest in knowing the effect her words had on the pair.

She never intended on telling them about the detention. They'd surely blame themselves for her being out past curfew as it was their idea to meet up in the first place. But it's not like she didn't understand the risk of what she was doing when she did it.

They knew those few words all too well. Umbridge had spoken them to her before, countless times by this point.

The first time, the Twins had been pestering y/n in the courtyard when she approached. They were lounged about one of the concrete benches under the courtyards largest tree. Freds head was in Y/ns lap, as she read, poking her cheek in an attempt to gain her full attention whilst George sat on her otherside, all his weight pressing against her as he sighed boredly.

Umbridge had deemed their behaviour 'not school appropriate' and 'not in compliance' with Educational Decree Number 31; as Boys and Girls are not permitted to be within 8 inches of each other.

The Brothers had laughed at her, a poorly timed 'you're kidding' thrown her way as Fred swung his legs off the bench now sitting upright. A few more cheekily placed comments landed the pair in detention for the night.

She highly disapproved of y/ns relationship with the Twins and had no issue voicing the fact and so before parting she'd issued that very same warning to y/n, stating matter-of-factly; "You should be more cautious of the company which you keep. Such a promising young witch, it'd be a shame to see your talents go to waste or future be tarnished for that matter by the carelessness of others whom are less gifted." She'd uttered the words with sharp glares thrown down her nose to the two Weasleys.

From that moment it'd become somewhat of a catch phrase for her everytime the threesome caught her attention.

Y/ns head dropped, mumbling a soft "I'm sorry, Fred."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, love." He rubbed small comforting circles on the lower of her back before pulling her waist as he had done so earlier. Inching closer so their legs were pushed flush together as he rest his chin atop her shoulder nestling into her neck. A touch which, this time, she did not shy away from - rather craning her head back to rest against his.

"I just don't think I'm someone you'll want to be around today." She admitted sadly, "I can't bring myself to enjoy anything."

"Well that just won't do" Fred pulled his head back to look into her eyes with a cheeky knowing expression. But even that wasn't enough to bring a rise to her saddened features. "Come on," he nudged her shoulder, "let's put a smile on that face." He spoke with a smirk.

"Reckon you can?"

"Of course!" Fred nodded with a tone of absolutely certainty.

"Well go ahead, make my day." Y/n challenged, which brought an excited smile to Freds face. He jumped from his place at the table holding an expectant hand out for her to take which she accepted a little hesitantly.

"Should we go find George? See if he's okay?"

"Nah, he'll be fine. Besides, this way I get you all to myself." Fred squeezed her hand a little tighter as he all but dragged his friend from the Hall.

A few hours had past and Fred were still relentlessly determined to make today one of the best days possible for y/n. Surprisingly he'd started off small with a just few well timed jokes and casual strolls around the Castle simply trying to keep her occupied on anything other than those toxic thoughts that kept her from enjoying the day.

As lunch approached he'd upped his game. Grabbing a few snacks from the kitchens and taking her down to her favourite place by the Lake where they spent the time talking together; sharing various stories while Fred told countless jokes to make her laugh and spoke of their newest inventions for the joke shop.

Y/n was sure she hadn't stopped smiling since the moment they'd left the Hall. Fred just had that effect on her but with every small guesture and tender smile thrown her way there was just no stopping the butterflies that erupt in her chest or the warmth that spread to her cheeks from his flirty comments and kind words.

By this point she'd nearly forgotten the whole reason he were so determined to make today so memorable.

But Georges absence and the light stinging in her hand was a nagging little reminder at the back of her mind which stopped her from falling wholly into the moment.

"Alright, Miss." Fred shot up from his place on the grass, dusting his hands on his jeans as he did so. "Onto grander things!" He held his hands out for her to take, pulling her giggling figure from the ground. "What could you possibly have planned now?" "Oh just a little mischief." He grinned as his tongue grazed his bottom lip before threading itself between his teeth, eyeing her closely. Y/ns eyes narrowed at his words untrusting of whatever plan his brain had suddenly cooked up. There were no time to question however as she were promptly being pulled to the Castle as the Sun fell below the horizon.

"You dragged me back to the Castle like a man possessed for dinner!?" Y/n questioned as they entered the Great Hall alongside countless of the other Hogwarts residents.

"Well yes and no. Yes; because you need to have a proper meal today aside from a couple sad mouthfuls of porridge and a dozen sweets. No; because for my next trick we will in fact be needing our beloved Georgie." "Do you think he's okay?" "One way to find out isn't there? OI! George!" Fred pushed through the dawdling individuals in the aisles between the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables, pulling y/n along behind him to where his Twin were currently seated for dinner.

"Hey Georgie" y/n began in a sad tone as she sat beside him. "Are you okay?" She stroked his arm reassuringly as she spoke. "Yeah I'm fine. Sorry I took off this morning I-" "ah-ah!" Fred piped from her otherside, "no morning talk. Look you're ruining all my good work!" He commented pointing to the concerned frown which were now upon y/ns features. "What?" "Dear Freddie here has been spending the day trying to get my mind off things." "Right right...Ginny mentioned something about Fred dragging you around the school all day." "Yes, and until now it'd been working so just...perk up. Which shouldn't be hard once I tell you my plan" Fred rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Plan?" "Know that thing we've been dying to try but haven't had the occasion?" he stated vaguely which had concern growing in the pit of y/ns stomach. Concern which only worsened as she watched how Georges features shifted swiftly from one of slight disinterest to immediate excitement. "Really? You wanna do that tonight?" His smile was wicked and a little frightening in y/ns opinion as he questioned his brother who merely hummed in response. "Reckon I can name a few select members of a certain 'club' who would make excellent guinea pigs." Continued George in a whisper over top of y/n "You've read my mind." Fred took a sip from a drink y/n had just poured, for herself mind you.

Y/ns focus was shifting worriedly between the two brothers who sat on her either side sharing an unspoken understanding.

"Stop doing that you're freaking me out!" She snapped which caused the boys to laugh, George mumbling a simple "You're in for a treat" as he turned his attention back to his dinner with a sly grin.

Y/n looked back to Fred hoping for some kind of hint or reassurance but he just smiled, wrapping his arm round her waist and pulling her into his side as he began to eat.

"You really think you're going to get away with this?" Y/ns voice rang throughout the empty corridor. "Only one way to find out" Fred wiggled his eyebrows at her.

The pair were currently hiding around the corner of the 7th floor main corridor. It were past curfew as the Twins plan fell into play.

"Explain to me again what exactly these things are?" Y/n asked as she fiddled with a small cylindrical canister. "Paint bombs." Fred answered excitedly. "Similar to Dungbombs just-" "with paint?" "Pretty much, yeah. You pull this little tab, then you have about 7 seconds before it goes off. This one in particular is my favourite so far." "And whys that?" "You'll see" Fred smiled brightly down at her before the sound of approaching footsteps put an end to their conversation.

George barrelled down the hallway, throwing himself into the pair very much out of breath but with a smile as wide as Fred's had been moments ago.

"All set?" "Yeah. They should be coming through any minute now." The three craned their necks around the walls edge, waiting for their unsuspecting victims. It didnt take long before the sound of several pairs of agitated feet came stomping through the corridor.

Filch followed by a handful of the Inquisitorial Squad were huddled together in shared annoyance by the antics of George which were leading them directly into their trap. Various curses and angry grumbles could only faintly be heard over the distance between them.

"Right" Fred whispered as the three ducked back behind the wall, he gave George and y/n a quick nod before tearing the small tab from it's place. "Yippe Ki Yay, Motherfucker." He spoke dramatically as he stepped out, throwing the Paint Bomb like a grenade towards the befuddled group of Slytherins and accompanying Caretaker.

Quickly shooting himself back behind the wall where all three waited with baited breaths and backs pressed flush to the cold stone wall.

"Not a day goes by that I don't regret showing you Die Hard." Y/n mumbled, a comment which brought a wide smile to Freds face as he looked down to her. A few more seconds past before a loud crack and angry shouts echoed through the Castle.

Y/n looked in amazement to see the Hall covered in multicoloured, sparkling, paint as well as orange and gold confetti. There was something beautiful about it she thought. All the vibrant pinks, blues and purples caught the eye like a giant canvas painting. Aside from the ugly squabbling creature, that had once been the Inquisitorial Squad, at the pieces centre of course.

She was in tears from laughing at the sight when Fred leant down to speak in her ear "whataya think?" "I think it's brilliant!" She smiled up at him, "that's the messiest one we've got." He nodded in the direction of the chaos currently unfolding before them.

The group were slipping over themselves and wiping hands down their faces in disgust over the thick liquid which coated them all, as well as the ceiling and walls.

"It was also the only one." George scowled though clearly very amused. "Worth it though wouldn't you say?" "Absolutely."

Freds eyes turned back to y/n, admiring her laughing figure beside him.

"We'll count that one a success heya, Freddie?" George nudged but his brothers trance was not so easily broken. "Definitely" he smiled not turning away from her.

"Shit!" Y/n exclaimed suddenly. "Yeah, I'd say it's time to go." George stated as he watched the very colourful and very angry group now charging after them.

George took off in a sprint but it weren't till y/n began running, taking a hold of Freds hand as she did so that he fully registered what was going on and started to run too.

Fred and Y/n had ended up in her common room after losing George. Luckily it were late enough that not many people were still hanging about so the two pretty much had the place to themselves. Spending a few more moments just being together and reliving the day by the fire, it weren't till the clock struck 12am that Fred admit he should be getting back to his dormitory. Not that he wanted to but y/n needed to sleep after her restless night prior, he hadn't meant to keep her up this late to begin with.

Pulling her from the couch he walked her to the bottom of her dorm rooms staircase where she stood a couple stairs from the bottom to match his height.

It'd slipped the pairs notice that they were still holding one anothers hand until their joined laughter faltered and the warmth in their palms caused realisation to strike. Fred dropped the hold clearing his throat as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Thank you for today, Freddie." Y/n smiled warmly. "Pretty memorable, aye? Told you I'd get you smiling." He rocked confidently on the balls of his feet. Y/n shook her head slightly as she absent-mindedly stroked his arm. "Don't know what I'd do without you." "Probably nag George" he joked.

"As much as I love Georgie, it wouldn't be the same" Freds eyes studied her face the whole time she spoke. He could feel his heart begin to race inside his chest. If only she knew how much he wished he could hear her say she loved him.

"Goodnight, Freddie" y/n placed a light kiss to his cheek, grip tightening ever-so-slightly on his bicep before turning slowly to leave.

His heart was thundering now. Breaths rapid as his body urges him to speak. To tell her everything.

How he's in love with her and he's sure she feels the same way.

How she's the first thing on his mind of a morning and the last thing at night. How his whole family has been pushing him to just pluck up the courage and ask her out already. How nothing makes him happier than seeing her smile. How he never wanted to go to the Ball as 'just friends'. How he smells her perfume in Amortentia. That the sight of her at breakfast this morning, so down and distraught, broke his heart. How for the last few hours it's taken near all his strength to stop himself kissing her with as much love and passion as he can to show her how much she means to him.

But how do you convey all that to someone who has been your best friend for the past 5 years? No clue. But he has to try and he knows he'll never get this kind of opportunity again.

"Y/n, wait-" he grabs her arm, taking a step towards her he pulls her into his chest. Before he can process it his hand is cupping her cheek and he's kissing her with such intensity y/n can feel the air leave her lungs as she melts into him. Her arms snaking over his body. A hand running itself along his shoulder, fingers entangling themselves in the locks of hair at the base of his neck, whilst the other wraps tightly around his torso.

When they finally break apart Fred's on cloud nine. Nothing had ever felt so good or so right. But at the same time, he's panicking. God, he hopes she truly does feel the same way and he didn't just completely misread everything about their relationship. Their foreheads are pressed together as y/ns lips form a wide smile.

"If you wanted to give me a reason to smile today...you could have just started with that."

#fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley #hp #hp imagine #harry potter fanfiction

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thedefinitionofendgame · 3 years

Text

two under two

Amelia X Link multi-chapter | Rated T | Canon-divergent after 7x11

A/N: Just some Amelink (and others) fluff for y’all! After all the potential wedding talk in 17x11, I decided I just had to work on my Amelink short multi-chap fic. I’m just so glad Amelia’s found someone who is absolutely crazy about her. I am so happy for her and the little family she’s made. *SPOILERS FOR SEASON 17*

•

You can read this work on ao3 and fanfiction.net as well

Written & cover by @thedefinitionofendgame (aka me)

chapter 1 - big news calls for bigger reactions

It was now or never, and even though never sounded fine to Amelia, she knew now was the best time to say whatever she wanted to say. Clearing her throat, she felt Link’s fingers intertwine with hers under the table, which kept her calm. There’s no time like the present, Amelia thought to herself. Rip off the bandaid and get on with it! So by opening her mouth, she did just that. “We, Link and I, have something to tell you guys,” Amelia said, shifting her gaze to everyone seated around the outdoor dining room table. They were outside because the weather was finally nice enough to enjoy a meal in the outdoors, without fear of being rained on.

Everyone stopped chattering and turned to look at Amelia. There was a big crowd tonight in the backyard, as get-togethers were allowed now that all the adults had their COVID vaccines. Besides Meredith and the kids, Winston, Jo, Teddy, Owen, Leo and Allison had come over as well. Oh and of course, Jo’s adopted daughter, Luna Ashton who had been renamed Luna Ashton Brooke Wilson, to honour her birth name and her forever mom. It was definitely a full house, which made for the perfect time to announce Amelia and Link’s news; the news that they had been dreading to announce for the past couple months. Not dreading the actuality of the news so much as the reactions it would bring. Just like the time before, Amelia braced herself for the responses of her friends and sisters that telling this news would bring.

Amelia paused a heartbeat too long. While Zola, Bailey and Ellis were quiet at their kids table next to the main one, Meredith was the impatient one. “Well, out with it!” She said, raising an eyebrow at Amelia. Despite Meredith’s terrible health scares earlier in the year, the blonde had bounced right back and was as high spirited as ever. She still had to take it easy, especially when it came to heavy-breathing exercises, but for the most part Meredith Grey was back to normal.

Amelia looked at Link, who nodded encouragingly. He hadn’t forced her to announce their news in front of everyone today, and had actually suggested only telling Meredith and Maggie to start. However Amelia said she wanted to tell everyone at once, to avoid any questioning or whispering that might happen at the hospital. “Link and I are pregnant again. Tada, that’s the surprise.”

The entire table fell silent, while everyone processed the news. Maggie was the first to recover and jumped up out of her seat to give Amelia a hug. “Oh my gosh!” She squealed, engulfing Amelia into her embrace.

“That’s awesome news! I’m so happy I get to be Auntie Mer again,” Meredith said. It only made her a little sad to know that last time Link and Amelia had announced they were pregnant, Andrew had been with her and heard the news firsthand. She quickly shook her head to clear her mind of those thoughts. This was not the time nor place to think about Andrew DeLuca.

Next to Amelia, Link was receiving a fist bump from Winston and Jo smiled happily at her best friend. “I’m really happy for you, you’re gonna make a great dad times two.” Jo bounced Luna in her lap. “Are you excited to have another baby friend? Maybe it will be a girl this time.”

Link opened his mouth to reply, when Zola popped up between the new parents’ two chairs. “I can’t wait for another cousin! Can I say hi to the baby?” Nodding, Amelia pushed back her chair so that Zola could place her hands on her Auntie’s belly. Amelia was a bit overwhelmed by the well-wishes; she hadn’t expected so much attention. When she had started telling people about Scout’s coming, it was only Maggie then Link then Meredith and Andrew. People found out gradually. Oh god, Link was right! Cursing herself about her baby daddy being right about waiting, Amelia tried to drag herself out of her own thoughts.

The squeezing of her hand in Link’s brought her back. Zola had moved on, and was now happily talking about the new cousin on the way to Bailey and Ellis. Scout was napping just inside, which at least dialled back the noise. If one baby was loud, Amelia was scared to find out what two would be like.

Although she was excited. Goodness, she was over the damn moon about it. The first time Link had gotten her pregnant, she had been just scared, until Mr. Atticus Lincoln had turned her whole though process upside down. He had told her he would support her no matter what she decided; would love their baby unconditionally or drive her to the clinic if she chose to have an abortion. Amelia hadn’t ever felt that type of love before, the type that didn’t matter what she chose. It only grew with the pregnancy, at least after the whole “who’s the daddy” fiasco got cleared up. At least this time Amelia was one-hundred percent sure this baby was Link’s. She loved the baby they had made together the first time, and would love their second baby just as much.

While most of the people around the table seemed surprised, Link was very much not. When Amelia had told him she was pregnant, he had raised an eyebrow at her and laughed, before telling her he loved her and that he was the happiest man alive. With all the “athletic and aerobic” sex they had despite having four kids in the same house as them, it was no wonder he managed to get Amelia knocked up a second time in less than two years. It was more like one and a bit years, because what everyone else didn’t know was that Amelia was already five months along. They’d gotten pregnant around Scout’s half birthday. Good timing on their part...not. Both Link and Amelia weren’t against having more kids but had not wanted to discuss or try for a second for a while longer. Baby Amelink #2 was a bit of a surprise just like their older brother had been.

Owen and Teddy were the last to offer their congratulations. "Well I’m pleased for you both," Owen said, speaking for the first time since the bombshell was dropped. He didn't look at Teddy, because he knew what her face would convey. They had been wanting to add to their growing brood for the past couple months, but nothing had happened. Owen didn't think of himself as infertile, all previous mishaps had proven that, so he wasn't quite sure why he and Teddy hadn't gotten pregnant yet. Although he wasn't going to complain, especially when Amelia and Link seemed to just come to terms and that's why they chose to wait so long to announce it. He had been waiting for them to come out with their secret for a while now, after accidentally overhearing a conversation between them both in the pit post-consult. Like the good ex-husband-more like friend and fellow doctor-Owen was, he kept quiet and didn’t even tell Teddy. Now that their news was out in the open, at least he wouldn’t have to worry about slipping up ever.

Chatter continued amongst the friends, and Amelia relaxed now that the focus was off of her. She leaned back in her chair and placed a hand on her growing tummy. “You’re already a hit,” she whispered to the baby inside of her.

“Damn right she is,” Link leaned over and whispered in Amelia’s ear, sending shivers down her spine. Why did that voice always make her think dirty thoughts? Probably the hormones, and also the fact he used that exact tone in the bedroom. God Amelia, get your head out of the gutter, she thought to herself.

Amelia glanced at Link. “Are you calling girl on me?”

Link shrugged, not totally willing to admit it, but he was definitely thinking it was a girl. “Maybe. Jo said it first.”

“Oh sure, that’s what sparked it.” Amelia rolled her eyes but internally, she was smiling really big. “We already have a name regardless of their gender though.”

“We do.” Link smiled and pressed a kiss to Amelia’s temple. “Best name ever.”

“Even better than Scout?” She smiled back at the man she loved more than anything else in the world, maybe even more than Scout. Amelia loved her son very much, but it was his daddy that made everything in her life good. Every single moment, no matter how upsetting, Link somehow made it worth it. Made it worth all the hard nights and the crying sessions and the struggles to stay sober. He was her everything, and always would be. Together, they would be there for Scout and the new baby. It was always going to be them, until the very end.

Link thought for a moment. “Nope, but tied though.”

Laughing, Amelia nodded. “Alright, I can live with that.” They were quiet for a moment, then Link nudged Amelia with his elbow. She turned and saw Ellis standing beside her chair. “Hey Ellie-Belle, what’s up?”

“I wanna sit with you and the new baby. Where is it?” Ellis looked around, as though she magically expected a baby to appear outside in the backyard.

Meredith raised an eyebrow at her sister, as the youngest Shepherd pulled her niece into her lap with only minor difficulty. “If you have a girl, all I gotta say is that they’re clingy and ask a lot of questions. Such as,” she turned to Zola who was standing beside her patiently waiting to ask a question. “Yes, Zo-Zo?”

“When are we going to have dinner? Bailey’s hungry and we ate lunch over five hours ago.” Zola stated matter-of-factly.

“And with boys, you get the always hungry factor,” Meredith sighed.

“Know all about that,” Amelia said, with a pointed look at the baby monitor on the table. “I swear this kid never stops eating. He’s almost getting more action than Link is,” Amelia blurts out, forgetting there was a child in her lap and four others nearby. Well, more like 3 because Allison was inside napping with Scout.

No one really paid close attention, except Link who let out a chuckle. “Always telling like it is,” he said with a smirk. Link waited until Meredith had gotten up and headed inside with the rest of the adults and the other kids, minus the one in Amelia’s embrace, before he said anything else. “I love you,” he whispered, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

Amelia melted and wrapped her arms tighter around Ellis. For a minute she pretended that the small body in her lap was her own daughter, the girl’s older brother chasing after the food Bailey sought as well. “I love you too. Everyone took our surprise a lot better than I thought.”

“Of course they did. Because they love you, they love Scout and I guess they love me too,” Link added.

“They love you probably more than me. I’m the former drug addict, remember?”

“Hey, you’re still keeping your promise about not getting high. That’s all that matters.” Link placed one of his hands on Amelia’s belly, right where their baby was growing. Ellis twisted in Amelia’s lap and did the same, amazed by whatever her Uncle Link was doing. With a smile to both the girls present, he messed Ellis’ hair and then looked over at the woman he loved. The woman he had unashamedly surrendered his heart to, the woman who he would fight forever for. He had almost let her and their beautiful son slip through his fingers, but thank god his best friend told him to not mess what he had with Amelia up. She was his ever after, and it was true that before Amelia, he didn’t tell people he was in love with them often. Hookups were a thing of his past, after the gorgeous brown haired-blue eyed girl walked into his life. She had walked in, stolen his heart and stayed because they were going to be each other’s forever. They were each other’s forever.

A forever as a family of four. Because they already had Scout and a baby on the way which made them a family of four. Four was a number Link could work with, a number he sort of wanted to increase but only if Amelia wanted. He would do anything for her and vice versa. His girl was strong and brave and worked miracles everyday. If it was anything Atticus Lincoln was proud to do, it was call Amelia, his.

posting chapter 2 & 3 soon!

#amelia x link #amelink #amelink fanfic #amelia shepherd #atticus lincoln #amelia shepherd fanfic #atticus lincoln fanfic #scout derek shepherd lincoln #two under two #baby on the way #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy s17 spoilers #grey's anatomy fanfic #the definition of endgame

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shan-ri · 6 years

Text

Popsicles Are for People…and People are Like Popsicles

It was melting fast. The seething summer sun beating down on the cold treat mercilessly, drips of sweet citrus collecting on the stick quicker than her absentminded licking could keep up. Mari turned the popsicle to the side, trying to gauge which angle was best to take the next bite. There wasn't much left, so she had to make it count-

"Are you gonna eat it or just stare at it?"

She jumped ever so slightly and turned her head to see the usual judgement plastered across her brother's face. And in that moment, when his comment warranted her sticking out her tongue at him, the popsicle finally heaved its last breaths, submitting to the combined attacks of Mari's appetite and the sun's rays.

Juice ran down the stick to her fingers and she caught sight of the last bit of the treat slipping off to land on the ground. She stared at it in dismay for a moment, before bending down to scoop it up and whirling on her brother.

"It would have been fine if not for you, Mako!" She jabbed the popsicle stick at him, the other hand clutching the melting piece of popsicle.

Mako shrugged, his own popsicle stick jutting out from the side of his mouth.

"Not my fault."

Mari paused for a moment and was considering whether the sweet in her hand belonged on his shirt or smeared on his face when there was a soft 'mew’ at her feet.

A gray striped cat was winding around her legs and when she glanced down it looked up imploringly at her, green eyes practically sparkling with feline hope.

And who am I to crush that hope? Mari made up her mind, dropped into a crouch, and held out her sticky hand towards the stray. It began to sniff at her hand tentatively.

Mako realized what she was doing at the last instant. "Mari, don't-!"

Before he could even finish his sentence, the cat took the piece of popsicle in its teeth, darted a fair distance away from them, and began chowing down on the orange-flavored ice. Mari glanced up at Mako and grinned impishly.

"Too late, it's done."

He groaned and put his hand on his face. "Popsicles are for people, not cats. The poor animal is going to get sick."

She glanced over at the animal in question. It was finished eating and beginning to wash its face with a little white paw. A pang of guilt shot through her stomach, but at least the stray had enjoyed the snack and chances were that tiny piece didn't contain enough artificial sugar to do anything bad.

Mari wiped any of that fleeting concern from her face and gave Mako her own shrug.

"Next time, I'm not buying your popsicle for you," he promised. His words sounded stern, but Mari couldn't help the laugh that slipped from her lips. Mako wasn't serious, he could never keep those types of silly, little promises to himself or to her. And Mari had already counted on that.

"Okayyyy. No treats for me!" She sung, beginning to walk further down the wharf, away from her brother and towards the preening cat.

She bent down once more and held out her hand, still sticky and sweet smelling from the popsicle. The cat afforded her one glance and then walked off with its tail waving jauntily in the air.

"Hey!" Mari shouted and jumped to her feet.

The feline shot forward--only to seek shelter beyond the legs of someone new.

"Awww, you two got popsicles without me?" a new, somewhat husky voice complained.

Mari's spirits soared once more when she recognized the long-legged boy who stood before her. "Keresh! You made it!"

The boy's mouth turned down in a sour pout and he muttered, "Not in time though apparently…"

"Hey, don't be cross, Keresh. It doesn't suit you." Mako's voice sounded and he materialized behind Mari in that eerily silent way he always did.

Keresh rolled his eyes and the stray meowed, pawing insistently at his legs. He obliged the cat and lifted it up into his arms where it promptly began rubbing its head all over his face, purring like a speedboat motor.

"You traitor…" Mari muttered, eyes narrowing at both Keresh and the cat. She had even given it the last of her popsicle, yet this was the thanks she got?

A familiar hand landed on her shoulder. "You too, Mari. You know that it's only acting that way because Keresh smells like fish."

Mako said it so matter-of-factly that Mari couldn't help the amused chuckle which escaped from her lips.

Keresh's poisonous glare was also only made funnier as the grey cat in his arms tried biting stray locks of his hair. She may have kept laughing at his expense, but Mako's hand on her shoulder tightened and he began pulling her to the side.

"Okay, enough playing around you two. We gotta bring in the traps and set up the bait before the tide changes."

They muttered in agreement and the cat yowled in protest as Keresh detached it from his face.

Mako began dragging the traps in one by one as he crouched on an outcropping of rocks. He checked them each quickly, his keen eye easily discerning the ones that had reached their capacity of crabs, crayfish, and shellfish before putting those to the side. Some of the empty ones he sunk back below the waves, while others he also placed on the rocks--probably because the traps were damaged, or the bait was no longer fresh and tempting enough.

Mari watched her brother for a little while. She would never admit it to him but… she found his routine actions oddly calming and admired the skills which he'd honed over the years. He didn't do this for their main source of income, mainly to bring a little extra fresh seafood to the dinner table and then sell the rest off to a proper fish vendor. Or, so he explained.

But Mari knew better. She could see the way his eyes glittered whenever they walked the beaches of their home, plundering the sea for her bounties, and hear the excited, rising intonation of his voice as he discussed even the most menial of fishing activities.

She shook her head and went back to focusing on her task--setting wriggling bait worms on hooks.

They moved slick and wet under her touch, but her fingers were sure and practiced. Not a single worm would survive her ministrations.

She wished she could say the same for Keresh.

Unfortunately, his baiting of the hooks was clumsy at best, dreadful at worst. It seemed that every other worm was dropped on the sand before it was finally set upon the hook. Mari grimaced as the boy dropped yet another bait worm making a bid to escape. There was no way she was letting him near the small bait fish swimming in the bucket beside her anytime soon.

But, she knew she couldn't lose her patience with him. Keresh had only arrived in their town a couple of months or so prior and, by his jerky, uncertain actions, Mari guessed he had never engaged in even the most basic fishing activities before.

He fumbled over the hook in his hand and groaned, "Why can't we be eating popsicles instead?"

"You're still going on about those?" Mari shot back. "Here. Give me that, I'll do it before you hurt yourself."

Keresh fell back into the sand with a dramatic sigh as Mari wrestled the remaining hooks away from him. "I don’t understand why you go through all this effort to catch fish. It seems so…excessive."

He began unraveling the tangled fishing wire and Mari fought back a scoff as she arranged the baited hooks along the rim of another bucket.

"It's not excessive, it's necessary. How do you suggest we catch them then? With ice cream cones and rainbow pops?"

Mari shot him a quizzical glance with the beginnings of a smirk. But he didn't even look up, shrugging and replying, "I dunno. With your teeth. And your hands too if it's a big one."

"You're kidding. No one can do that or would even want to if they could!" She sat back on her haunches and gestured to Keresh. "What? Can you?"

Keresh finally looked up and his turquoise eyes shone with absolute earnestness.

"Yes. My teeth are very good for catching fish."

Mari laughed. She couldn't help such a natural reaction. The image of Keresh swimming under the waves, snapping his mouth open and closed to snag any passing fish, was too hilarious.

She clutched her stomach from the continuing guffaws, managing to force out in between giggles: "What are you, then? A shark?"

"No! How dare you!" Keresh jumped to his feet and glowered down at her, looking, impossibly, unreasonably offended.

Mari's laughter reached a new pitch and she was struggling for breath when Mako rejoined them.

Through the tears in her eyes, she saw him standing, a trap writhing with crabs and such grasped in each hand, and a third trap slung around his neck by a rope. His pants were rolled up to the knees, and his hair was wet from the waves.

"Is there time for you two to be rolling around in the sand?" He asked, though he looked more perplexed than upset. His head swung towards Keresh as it became apparent Mari was still trying to regain her ability to speak, much less find any composure. "Is she making fun of your baiting again?"

"No…" Keresh began reluctantly, shooting a glare at Mari. Then, he seemed to change his mind midway. "Yes…In a sense."

Mako switched one of the traps over to his other hand to give Keresh a friendly pat on the back. "Don't worry about her. Come on, I'll buy you a popsicle."

Keresh lit up immediately. "Really?"

"Really. Geez, calm down." Mako gestured at Mari to get up and gather the equipment, and she grudgingly obliged. Sometimes, he really seemed to think he could order her around…

She trailed behind a few steps, weighted down by the buckets and the bag strapped across her chest, while Mako tried, unsuccessfully, to stop Keresh from jumping up and down in excitement.

"I'm just getting you one, okay?! You really eat too many of them."

"You can't eat too many popsicles. They're practically air!" Keresh protested, quite seriously.

Mari could tell Mako was getting flustered, the left corner of his mouth rising in frustration. "That's not how it works. They're like any other food, if you eat too much of it you'll-!"

His explanation was cut off as Keresh suddenly came to a stop and looked straight up at the sky.

A few beats of silence other than the cries of seagulls and the crash of waves, and then: "There's gonna be a storm soon."

"Huh? Really?" Mari also looked overhead, seeing only the wispiest of clouds, the sun’s brute power reigning supreme even in the late afternoon and early evening.

Keresh merely nodded while Mako stared at him with a strange expression on his face.

He glanced at Mari, but she couldn't think of anything to say before Keresh began prancing ahead of them--acting like an overgrown child once again.

Mari and Mako knew better than to take the true nature of the weather at heart from a moment’s glance. They shrugged off the comment for later introspection and chased after their friend before he devastated the nearest tourist shop's dessert cooler.

End Part 1

#art #watercolor #original character #sketchbook #pencil #fantasy #mermaid #merman #short story #writing

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immiesradio-blog · 5 years

Text

You’re My Best Friend ~ Roger Taylor x OC (1966)

Roger was adamant that he wanted Barbara by his side while he studied, looking into Universities being advertised. He had found one, London Hospital Medical College, where he could study Dentistry. He had also seen a university of arts in Ealing, it was only one hour away but he still was slightly agitated at the fact that he wouldn't see her as much as he did then, it was the closest one that he could find.

He would have to travel, and so would she, all the way to London from Truro which would be a huge leap for them, although, he was sure that they would be fine as long as they were near each other. When he had told Barbara about his research she was so excited, definitely unsure about whether or not her mother or father would allow her, but this was her dream. Studying Graphic design with Roger not too far away from her was something that she had been longing for, for the past year and a half.

Barbara and Roger were now just over one year until leaving secondary, studying their O levels and both of them were still joint at the hip. Nothing about their friendship had changed in the last three years, they had shared their friendly first kiss less than a year ago and they had only just got closer in a platonic way, yet Barbara always had the urge to kiss him again.

Roger would have dinner at the Rosabella household every Sunday. Barbara's mother loved the boy, his spirit, his humour and mainly the way in which the power that he had on her daughter's mood. One night, Barbara's father had come back home early from yet another business trip, arriving on a Sunday, immediately spotting Roger sitting at the table eating dinner with the family. He was cold and dismissive towards Roger and Barbara did not know what was to come after her friend would leave.

Roger tried to prolong his stay as long as he could because he knew that Barbara did not have a nice relationship with her father, she barely mentioned him. When he eventually decided to leave, he gave her a look of sympathy, telling her with his pretty blue eyes, 'I'm sorry, I have to go'. They hugged tightly, but she pulled back after a second or so, not wanting to give her father the wrong message, knowing that his eyes were watching very closely.

Barbara's father disliked Roger very much and ordered her not to bring him home ever again, to focus on her studies. Her father did not know her as well as he thought that he did because although her and Roger could be absolutely mad and so childish together, they were also strict with each other, knowing when they had to be serious and study.

She did not know how to bring up the subject of moving to London to study Graphic design, especially when Roger was included within the equation. For days she tried to boost up her courage and finally tell them what she had planned for her own future, but ends up not being able to get any words out. Until one day, after having a serious confidence boost from Roger and his attempt at a motivational speech for her, which only ended up with them rolling on the floor laughing until their stomachs ached.

Ofcourse her mother was extremely melancholy at the thought of her daughter going away, but her father, he was furious, his face was red with anger.

"You're studying History, Barbara, I thought that I had already told you that," He scowled, slamming his fist down onto the table, making her jump. "You know that I have got you a place at one of the best universities around, you cannot go to London to study something that will not get you anywhere, with that silly little boy."

The way that he spoke made her skin crawl, he was so calm in his voice but his eyes were dark, almost black. She was terrified at the power that he had over her life, over her whole families life, and she was only beginning to realise it, "Bu-."

"Your decision has been made for you, Barbara. History is what you're studying and that is final."

And she didn't say another word.

She cried and cried and cried that night, so much that she had woken up with an immense pain in her head. Her eyes were dark and her head hung low. Barbara felt as though she couldn't face Roger that day, she did anything she could not to talk to him. It hurt her so much and she hated it when she let him down, especially when this was their future, his mother was so happy for him, why couldn't it be the same for her?

Roger had immediately noticed that his best friend was not her usual chirpy and smiley self. He hadn't ever seen her like this, even when she was having a bad day she would talk at least a little, but this was different and he had a feeling that it was something to do with her father.

At the end of the day, Barbara tried to walk ahead of Roger in the direction of her home, but he wasn't going to let her go that easily, he quickly reached for her hand and held it, gently tugging so that she'd stop.

"I have to go home, Roger." Barbara told him, without turning around to look at him, standing still for a few seconds before wriggling her hand out of his and moving forward.

"Belle, listen to the radio with me,"

The effect that he had on her was so strong and he knew that she couldn't ever turn down listening to the radio with him, it was something that they did all the time and loved. He knew that she could never leave her best friend alone to listen to the radio, it was just something that they always did together.

He couldn't help the smile that began to show on his lips when he saw her falter and stop walking, but immediately wiped it off of his face to a look of sadness when she turned around to look at him.

"Pretty please?" He asked, widening his eyes and giving her the largest smile he could possible attempt.

Not being able to control herself, she let out a high pitched giggle and slowly nodded her head, "fine."

She was still more quiet than she ever had been on their walk to Roger's home. His mum greeted both of them with a kind smile as she watched them wave at her before Roger sprinted his way up the stairs, skipping a few while Barbara only walked.

Roger had already put the radio on and jumped on his bed by the time Barbara had reached his room. She sat down at the edge of his bed, facing away from him until she felt him gently grab her arm and pull her down next to him. They lay back for what feels like hours listening to the music and news blaring from the radio.

The radio began to play 'I want to hold your hand' by the Beatles, one of Barbara's favourite songs, it had been ever since it was released two years ago. Roger knew that she loved the song because whenever it would play, she would sing and dance, sometimes even fall off of the bed leaving them in hysterics. Roger frowned when he saw that her face was expressionless, she didn't sing, she didn't smile. He couldn't stand it anymore, he dreaded seeing her like this, and so he sat up, turning the volume of radio down until it was dead silent in his room.

"Please tell me what's wrong." Roger breaks the silence, "Belle?"

Barbara sighs, knowing that she won't be able to hold off what she had to say any longer, she could tell that Roger was becoming very agitated, "My Dad won't let me come to London with you to study Design."

Their hearts seemed to sink down to their stomachs. Roger didn't know what to say, "W-why?"

"You know what he's like. Apparently I've already got a place studying History somewhere else, I don't even know where." She told him, unable to look him in the eye, knowing that she would end up crying if she looked at him.

"Belle, you can't let him dictate what you do. It's your future." He replies. His voice faltered in some parts, for the first time, he felt angry at her.

"He's scary Rog!"

"And he knows it! He knows that you're scared of him and knows what to do to make you do what he wants you to do, this is one of the most important decisions that you will ever make. You hate history as a subject! Design is what you want to do, it's your passion and I believe in you." He tells her, his voice raising slightly every now and then, and when Barbara doesn't reply, he huffs, "How long have we talked about going to London?"

She blinked, knowing full well that Roger was right, but not wanting to admit it.

"Years, Barbara. You're so creative, talented, imaginative. You can't just throw it all away studying the fucking Tudors for the rest of your life." He'd never sworn at her before, it hurt her, to say the very least.

"I could say the same to you, Roger." She answers back with a bit more sass, sitting herself up and finally making eye contact with him, an expression of frustration is shown on her face.

"What do you mean by that?" He asks, extremely perplexed.

"You! You're doing Dentistry? You can't tell me what to do when you're throwing your music away!" She blurts out, not even thinking about she had just said. Barbara didn't mean anything that she was saying to Roger, the girl was so stubborn and hated to admit the fact that her father was a horrible man. She was only making excuses now.

"You know that I've wanted to study Dentistry for years, I'm not being pressured by my parents into doing something that I don't want to do, there's a big difference, Belle. I still play guitar and drums, I'm not completely throwing it away and being a coward like you with your Dad, you are meant to do design and you know it!"

Barbara stood up from his bed, crossing her arms, "That's because you don't have a Dad." She practically growled at him at this point, "Fuck you, Taylor."

Barbara walked all the way home in the dark feeling so very empty inside. It was like her heart had been ripped in two and she knew deep down that it was her fault and that perhaps she had overstepped a boundary, that they wouldn't ever be friends again, that they wouldn't even talk again.

This wasn't how she had pictured her summer, there was only a week left of school and she didn't know how she was going to cope without Roger by her side. No radio with Roger, no beach days, no more inside jokes, no more singing with Roger. She couldn't believe it.

He didn't even look at her throughout that entire week, they didn't sit next to each other anymore in lesson, everything felt so blue and grey without seeing his smile every day. His heart had also turned to stone, he was just as broken as she was, if not more.

During summer it was the same, except they didn't see each other at all, most of the time Barbara just stayed home until her mother asked her to get some groceries from the local shop. It was the first time in a few weeks that she had even left her home, she was only dressed in pyjamas from the night before.

Whilst she roamed the shop for what her mother had asked her to pick up, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She stopped for a moment, hoping, wishing and praying that it would be Roger, only to turn around and see a boy from her school, Steve Harrington, one of the popular kids in her year.

He seemed sweet, also very handsome, but not her best friend, Roger.

"Barbara Rosabella? What are you doing here?" He asks, a hint of a smile showing on his lips as he stared down at her with his brown eyes.

"J-just picking up some things for my mum," she replies, smiling up at him slightly before shuffling to the side in attempt to get away from any kind of social contact with him.

"Hey, wait up!" He calls, "Let me carry something."

"I think I'll be fine thanks."

"Suit yourself." Barbara hears him say, she turns around and sees him leave the shop which causes her to breathe a sigh of relief.

Barbara made her purchases and stepped outside of the shop, only to be met with Steve Harrington again, she rolls her eyes, "Are you stalking me?"

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, what's up?" He asks, smiling that oh so annoying smile that she liked but hated at the same time.

"What's up with you? You never talk to me. Why now?"

"You still dating that Roger kid?" Steve tells her with all sincerity in his voice, he really meant what he said.

"What the hell kind of question is that? I don't even know you." She states, her eyebrows furrowed as she squints her eyes at him, "For your information, we are not dating and never have dated, he was my best friend."

"Would you like to go out sometime?" He asks her suddenly. Steve thinks of something to add, knowing that she was just going to reject him, he wanted her to crack for him, "I've lost friends too, I understand how it feels."

Barbara stared at him, trying to work him out, as if she were solving a puzzle. Her initial reaction was one of anger, but then she thought of the possibilities of forgetting the heartache that she felt for Roger. She thought that if maybe she gave Steve a chance, that she'd forget the little infatuation that had on Roger, perhaps he'd fly straight out of her mind.

She spent most days with Steve from then onwards, he made her laugh, he made her smile, he took her out, he kissed her a few times. It was nice, she had thought, but it wasn't magical, somehow Roger still meant more to her than someone who was supposedly her boyfriend. She didn't know what to call Steve, he wasn't special like Roger was. She still felt empty, and this was how she spent her summer that year. Steve would climb up to her window at night to study, although he thought that maybe she'd finally let him fuck her.

Roger saw Steve climbing his way up to the window of who was once his best friend. He had felt so replaced, his mind immediately thought about Steve staying the night in Barbara's room, it made him feel so sick, repulsed by the idea of Steve taking her, even though in reality, Barbara had only studied with Steve that night and also refused to have sex with him, leaving him very agitated with her.

It wasn't too long before Barbara and Steve were to return to school for their last year. Barbara didn't know how much more she could take before she died of boredom, Steve always told the same jokes with that same smug look on his face and she hated it. When she returned to school in September, it had dawned on her that she'd be seeing Roger again every single day.

Steve would wrap his arms around Barbara in the school corridors, he would kiss her on the cheek and hold her hand, everyone saw them, they were the topic of conversation for many of the students. Roger saw them together too and he hated that Barbara and Steve were even more than what he had been with her, they were together, and he was always just a friend to her. He also despised the fact that he was no longer the reason for her smiles or giggles. He missed her so much.

Both Roger and Barbara did everything that they could to forget each other as she continued to date Steve, while Roger got himself into a band called 'The Reaction'. He did well for himself and dedicated most of his time to work on his drumming. Roger did it for her, he had thought about what she said that day, he worked on himself and became the drummer and lead singer of this new band.

Barbara was so proud of him, but couldn't tell him, she smiled sadly when she had heard that him and this band had become extremely popular within Truro. Everyone wanted to be his friend at school, and all the girls started to fancy him. Barbara was so jealous as she'd see Roger surrounded by two to three girls every single day. It hurt her that he had forgotten about her, but then realised that she was only ever his friend. She hated that the girls around him only thought that he was attractive for his popularity, yet she had loved him years before for everything that they didn't.

Barbara also thought about the day that they argued and what he said every single day, so much that she had rejected the offer from the university that her father had told her to take. Instead she had applied and accepted a place at Ealing art college, the one that Roger had found for her.

She thought that maybe this would bring her best friend back to her, but realised that she was probably being stupid at this point.

Steve soon became distant with her, he told her that he had started talking to someone else because she wouldn't put out for him and that she was too caught up on Roger. It seemed as though Steve had felt that Barbara would be easy to use, she couldn't believe it, he hadn't ever felt anything for her whatsoever. Barbara was not surprised that Steve had that mentality, deep down she had always known that he was a dickhead.

And just like that, she was even more alone than she already was. Roger saw Barbara alone for the rest of the year until the very last day and every day he wanted to talk to her, but he wouldn't, often because of some other girl diverting his attention to them, although his mind always drifted back to her.

With the amount of girls that he seemed to have, he thought that maybe his best friend would leave his mind, but she never did.

Barbara Rosabella was one of a kind.

___________________________________

Jeeeeeeeeeez this chapter is longgggggggggg, I hope you liked it anyway :))))))) the next chapter will take place in present time when Barbs is travelling to her Art college so yeee

Thank you for reading!!!!

#roger taylor #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor x oc #oc #barbara rosabella #barbara palvin #love #love story #fanfic #fanfiction #romance #1960s #prologue #slowburn #kids in love #best friend

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mem-en-to · 4 years

Text

I just have to post this somewhere. If you do read it please don't reply or anything to alert me that you do. I just have to assure myself of my existence. If you do I might just can't stand it.

It's getting worse

I don't know if this will be a one time thing or what

It might be the stress of starting the second week of university

or that I fucked up the dorm's microwave 3 days ago and still feel guilty and stress (since then I've been making so many mistake I drop the alcohol bottle(broke it), drop a glass of water(luckily it's a plastic glass), spilled the milk on the desk, spilled the smoothie next to the fridge, dropped the clean towel on the balcony(result in having to wash it), tripped and drop some clean cottonbuds(such a waste!), tripped on the way to the bathroom at 2 am and woke the neighbors up on a schoolday)

or even home sick from being away for a week now

or because I was staying inside after graduated and then the covid situation that make me(I chose)stay inside the house for more than 3 months straight(well, I did go outside like once every other week or sth, but I would always go with someone, mom or dad)

I've been dreading going outside since yesterday

I estimated how many food I have left and feel bad(no not bad as in guilty) about having to go out and buy more

I even considered skip some meals and ration what I have left so I could put away going out for even just 1 more day

And I did, I skip breakfast and ration the food

I ate a bit less so I could scrap all the left over for just one more meal

The thought of going outside turned my stomach and I feel tight in my chest

it made me feel.. disgust and a bit of fear? มวนท้อง แหยงๆ อึดอัดตรงหน้าอก

I'm not sure how to describe it how or why

I don't think its talking to people that make me feel this way

I think its just go outside in general? being seen maybe?

I normally would dread going outside for a bit but have no problem in doing it

I would just need some times to come to realisation that I have to(or about to)go outside

Like, if mom just ask me inthe morning if I want to go out this afternoon. My answer is NO. There's no bargaining, except if it is ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT.

But If she asked me, do you want to come with me tmr? That'll be fine, I might say yes(but I say no more often)

I would have a kind of panic-y thougt and feeling a bit scared before actually going out, like while I was preparing(dress, grab things stuff like that) that is normal

Today it took me almost half an hour after I'm ready to gather courage and actually step out of my room

In that 30 minutes I kept checking again and again of what I have to buy and did I have my all things?(phone checked. wallet checked. mask checked. etc) What about my clothes?(check the mirror) Did I brushed my hair?(proceed to brush it the 4th time)

All the while I also pacing and kept on checking the window for the restaurant near mydorm

It's to see if there're many customers, if there are I would wait a bit more because I don't want to stand around waiting and making awkward glance, an awkward conversation would be better come to think of it.

There. It's not the talking that I'm scared of.

After I got outside I would feel.. tense? anxious? or maybe paranoid or something of that nature I'm not sure

But the feeling would go away soon, often around the time I reach my destination or when I'm doing my task(like choosing btw different brand of groceries or the like)

It's still good, this time

The feeling went away as I was walking around the shop but come back as soon as I got in line, paid and walking out of the shop, which is fine that's also normal

I also have to stop at the restaurant on the next block, I decided to eat there and have a take away for dinner

I chose to eat there because that would mean less plastic you know? doing what I can to help with global warming

Even though the thought of sitting there was a bit.. sick It was fine while I was eating

Because I was doing my task(things)?

But the moment I turned away with a bag of food and my groceries in hand the feeling started to crawl up my spine and tried to curl up in my stomach again

But It's okay I didn't let it

My dorm was right there I could see it

Only a bit further and I'll be safe inside my dorm

But Nooooo

The feeling cling to me

I push it down and didn't let it settle in

My heart was still thudding in my chest even after I got inside my room

I put my things away. stored the food. changed clothes while checking if I breathed normally or not(I did, breated normally I mean or at least I think I did, despite what most people think some of us do research about thingss like this even if or when we haven't been diagnosed as having something plus I did hyperventilated/had panic attacked before or, I think it was)

But after that my heart still wouldn't return to normal and my head is a bit light and spinny still(At first I thought it was the 3 flight of stairs I have to climb but it should have gone by now, I know, not an athletic person)

That was when I realise that there something different, something wrong this time

The nagging feeling I have had since I walked outside is this

I'm more worried and scared this time

There is something wrong

I don't know what to do so I typed this down

Normally It would help make me feel better

And It did, my heart stop beating fast and weird halfway through this

Like my other notes I didn't care much about the grammar or whatever, after all the purpose is to make myself feel better

All right a bit more on this notes

After I finished this I wnt and google 'scared of going outside'

I don't think it agoraphobia or sad that I have although I do have some of the symptomps. I mean I might have one of it but from what I read I don't exactly match with some of both, I'm not scared of crowd(sad) in fact being in crowds make me feel better, the more people the better cuz that mean the less would be looking at me

And I'm not scared of open space(agora) I'm okay with parking lots and I'm not scared of being left alone(agora)

Being with some one I trust would definitely help(contradict with sad but agree with agora)

I'm not scared of public place(sad), Library is one of my sanctuary once I settled in on the new one that's it, Everyone is minding their own business, I could tuck myself btw some old textbook shelves no one would come search and read in silent, peace. Or I could go to the working space, sit on the sofa or choose one of the table and no one would care even if I have 3 thick books with me and sit there for 3 hours straight. I could even strike up some friendly and relatively non-awkward conversation with the librarian on the counter when I checked out some books, there, social requirement of the day complete. Those days that I could do this is so peaceful, I was happy.

Sadly, I had gone to Uni library only once and checked out a book, I still feel a bit uncomfortable to go there, but the feeling of contenment when I get inside would be worth it. Just. Not today. Or tmr, we got a day off for mother day and I might go home with my siblings and come back to next week on Monday or sth. (We have classes online bc of covid)

And after the mini research I feel a dizzy spell hit me

It left me reeling for a few mins before I returned normal

It could be because i stand up too fast or it could be the information in my head that's there something wrong

I don't want to have it, sad, agora or whatever

My self confident/self esttem is shit enough

I can't satnd it if i know there sth more wrong with me

I can't be more of a burden to my parents

I want to make them proud I have to

I choose this path and I know they don't hate it, they even support me on choosing to study art instead of the cliche doctor or engineer(which I hate but is my dad's life I feel so fucking bad I should have like it, I should be better at it and follow his footsteps, but I already made my choice, sometimes I regret it but even if I could go back I wouldn't change it, I can't At least I probably could be a teacher like him, teach younger people, support them I love him, and I hate him I love that he isn't just a good father, he's a good person, a good friend, a good teacher, a good brother, a good son, he's so great I don't deserved him, not me, not my mom, not my brother, not his parents, not his siblings, not that univerity And I hate him, he's always at work when I was younger, came home at 8or9 almost everyday but I also love him because despite that he still tried to make some time for us I hate him because when he started to have less works and came home earlier it's when me and my brother are growing up wanting to stay out and spend time with our friends(I hate myself) I hate him because he's so great, has been since he's young, he's so intelligent and diligent he studied hard and he got scholarship in uni to US And that was 40 years ago how impressive is that? And after he came back with straight A every uni want him but he choose that Uni because they supported him when he needed it and he chose to stay instead of go to better uni purely bacause he's a good person he feels grateful and want to repay the uni, which has shit government I hate it I hate them, there's a few years he's so stress because he has to go to the court several times on several cases and could go to jail because of those peice of shits I fucking hate them If he choose to change uni our lifes would be different I wouldn't grow up there, I wouldn't have friends that I have, I wouldn't be the person I am today and I can't blame him for choosing this. I hate him because no matter what or how much I tried I couldn't achieve half of what he has done and still doing(I hate myself I'm a disappointment) I could have gotten A or at least B+ if I studied more on math, science and sociology, but I didn't. I could have beautiful skin and thin figure if I take care of myself more, exercise more, but I didn't. I could have spend less money on books and those trinkets and save a lot of money, but I didn't, I could have make more friends and get in with the better connection and reputation clique if I conceal some part of myself and pretend a bit more, but I didn't. I could have better resume if I'm brave enough to participate in those tournament and those candidates for manythings, but I didn't. I could have been a better person, a better friend, a better student, a better daughter, but I wasn't[I couldn't be] I hate myself I don't matter I'm a disappointment)

I fucking hate crying, It never help with anything except wasting evenmore time and make my head hurt make my throat hurt of how I hold my noise in and make my eyes hurt and everything's blurry and wet.

I just broke down and typed those long ass paragraph with tears for an hour straigh. such a waste of time I should have done some exercise instead. And now I feel like shit. I know I could still do it but I also know that I won't. I would save this note, re-read it again and again maybe add sth along the way and when it's getting late I would jusst take a shower and goto bed.

At least I've lost my appetite, no dinner mean less calories I take today, skipped breakfast AND dinner? At least that compensate for today exercise(maybe) But I also know that garigarikun in the freeze will disappear into my stomach before bed. I'm such a little shit. I'm ashame of myself.

you know what I could waste a bit more time. Typing this some how remind me of the time I have an argument with my parents in highschool(or was it middle school? the memory's fuzzy)and I had panic attack or at least hyperveintilated afterward. I can't remember exactly what started the argument but I remembered that that day I was having a bad day(worse than normal) the bullying that day was worse I don't know how I acted I just remembered yelling at my father who's stress from long day at work and the court problem, we were yelling(or at least I am) and I did what I usually do. I ran, to the bedroom. I don't(never)want to have a fight with my family. He didn't follow me this time. My mom did. She came talk to me, half soothing half scolding. Saying I shouldn't have yell, I was hurting him by behave like this and after he's tired from work too. She's basically tried to make amend. But in my head at the time she was calling out on my bullshit. Saying I'm being unreasonable. I know that some of what she said is true and I don't want to fight so I tried talking, I said something like you don't understand me, And I tried using some difficult words and lines that could be seen in dramas and such to make her understand. I poured my heart out I even consider revealing the real extent of the bullying. But you know what she said? She said I read too many fictions and watch too many movies and I'm being too emotional I should stop this nonsense right now. I still could recall the feeling when she finished and it get in my head. It's not the ice bucket being pour over me. It's not the fire of rage running through my viens. It's not an arrow straight through my heart, a stab at the chest, or a feeling crawl up myspine. It's blank. blank. blank. blank, blank,blank,blank,blank,blakn,blank,blank, I feel so, so empty. It's just how I used my words, how I tried to make her understand. And this is what I got? I remembered stop talking and stuffed my face on a pillow. She's speaking a few more things but I didn't listen. I couldn't. I was breathing so hard but I think she think i was crying so she patted my back and left. I was old enough to know that's something's wrong I wasn't breating normally even for someone who's crying but at the time I still didn't know what panic attack/hyperveintilated is. I just know there's sth wrong, but I ignore it, I was hurt. I was in pain my chest is so tight(at the time I thought it's because of the pain I was feeling later I learned that it's the combination of that and the pa/h I was having) My thought kept circling around the words she said, I'm being dramatic and such. At least after that I don't want to argue anymore. I came back to myself and got out of the room, more than half an hour later. (Times didn't only flies when you're having a good time huh?, I remembered thinking that)

I think the being emotional/dramatic bit really got me. I can't help it. it's how I'm expressing myself. So what if it looking I was writing some fiction/ fake the words to make it mmore dramatic? That's how I feel.

A breakdown and an empty moment recalling in a day? that's a new record. Normally It would be one at a time and not this soon after one another. Guess I'm really stressed out. I even consider calling some emergencies depression lines but after reading some review saying it's shit I decided not to. I would be in the way of those who really do need it(I'm such a failure) and I'm not good at talking anyways, just look at how tragic it turned out to be each time I do.

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