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mittensmorgul · 3 years

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So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways.

#spn 15.20 #chuck's process #if this was the 'happy' ending for dean they sure did fail big time to make it actually happy!#it makes me feel sick thinking that dean's happy heaven ending was more like an eternal pit of torment #like actively tormenting him and taunting him with the fact that cas was truly gone forever #like wow they went all the fuck out to make it clear that even in heaven #dean would never be allowed to respond to cas's declaration of love #like... it's the most hurtful and hateful thing the show could possibly have done to us #and it still fucks me up knowing there's people who think this heaven was a 'good' ending for dean #like... fuck that entirely and with extreme prejudice #i feel like i have not been emphatic enough about my absolute hatred for this episode in these tags #but sadly there are limitations to expressing the actual feelings i'm feeling in the english language #sometimes the only effective word for these feelings involves velociraptor screeching #Anonymous

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imaginethathaikyuu · 3 years

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tis the damn season

atsumu miya x fem reader

the first fic in a series i like to call “Me Writing Whatever The Hell I Want” (a working title) hope u like it or dont idk im not ur boss!!!!!!!!!!

synopsis: Running away was easy when you were chasing hazy dreams of a big city that was destined to be yours, when your rear-view mirror showed nothing but your hole in the wall hometown. But now it’s all waiting tables and failing auditions. You were still running, but somehow, these winding roads always lead you back to Miya Atsumu - a man you’ve loved and left, until you return home for the holidays.

tags: friends to lovers, exes to lovers, angst without a happy ending, established pre-relationship, friends with benefits, reader lives in Undisclosed Big City lmao who has celebrity dreams, atsumu is ur good ole southern boy (sort of), canon divergent, not edited, light nsfw, beginnings of sex but isn’t very detailed

word count: 4220

song inspo (tis the damn season by taylor swift)

i won’t ask you to wait if you don’t ask me to stay…

. . .

The soundtrack of this early morning replayed in your head as you made a hazy drive to the neighborhood’s hardware store, cutting left onto the correct street and forcing the car’s back tire over the curb you couldn’t miss.

The replay of events looping in your mind? A whirring, then a splashing, then your father’s booming voice shouting curse words at anyone who could hear them. Your name was laced in there somewhere with demands for you to get to the kitchen, and you couldn’t tumble down the stairs fast enough to see what in the hell was going on.

It was your first day home for the holidays, and already it was a catastrophe.

Somehow your dad had busted a pipe underneath the kitchen sink and a strong stream of water was spraying halfway across the room because of it - your feet landed in a shallow pool when you finally reached the first floor. You didn’t have time to think of any questions before the man at fault, who was on his knees with his head hidden under the sink relentlessly trying to turn the water off, sent you out the door with more shouts, telling you to go to Miya’s Hardware and buy… something.

“A connector?” You were talking to yourself, thinking out loud as you finally parked, but it didn’t help you remember. All you could do was walk inside the store and hope someone knew what you needed.

It’d been years since you had been in this shop, but it looked just the same as when you were following your dad through its isles. You didn’t even bother browsing now, though - you went straight to the back of the store to the counter, expecting to see a familiar, perhaps older, face eager to help you.

That isn’t what you found.

“Well, hey stranger.”

That voice rang in your ears like you’d just heard it through a megaphone pointed directly at you. Something about it was so warm, but it left you with a shiver down your spine and goosebump ridden skin. You could feel the hair on the back of your neck standing up, and you hadn’t even turned in the direction the words came from.

But you didn’t have to look in order to know just who it was. “Atsumu.”

“What in the hell are you doing back in town?” His voice rang with excited confusion; it carried the same inflection as anyone who’s happy to see you. Like nearly forgotten family members at a reunion before it all goes to hell, or the way the tone of your father’s voice changes when you tell him you’re doing well and mean it. People don’t speak that way often.

He pulled you in for a hug and you gladly reciprocated, already forgetting that you were supposed to be in a hurry.

“Home for the holidays. How have you been?”

“I’ve been alright,” he replied. “I’ve missed you.”

His voice felt more like home than your four bedroom walls did, the charming drawl and depth in his words immediately reeling you in. It was familiar. You had spent a long time trying to forget about that familiarity; too long learning how to straighten out your words and lose any hint of the small town you came from. But Atsumu - he sounded like the epitome of this place.

He didn’t give you time to reply, for one reason or another; instead he decided to push you back by your shoulders and get a good look at you. Up and down and up again, likely noticing every change you had made to your appearance in your time away.

“Are you still wearing your pajamas, or is this a new… trend?”

You looked down at yourself, “Shit,” and closed your jacket tight over the old graphic t-shirt you wore, but nothing could cover your pink polka-dotted pants. And you’d have been hit in the face with embarrassment if the image of your dad and the broken sink and a flooded kitchen didn’t smack you first. “Shit, no, um… I need something to fix a broken sink. Are you… do you work here now?”

“I do - and you’re gonna need to be more specific.”

“I don’t know, Atsumu,” you laughed, slowly realizing the bizarreness of what you were about to tell him. “I woke up to my dad shouting and water shooting out from under the sink, literally flooding the kitchen. He told me to get a part for the pipe… a connector, or a couple, or something - I don’t know.”

“...A coupler?”

“Yes!”

“...He didn’t happen to tell you what size to get, did he?”

The look on your face must have been a good enough answer for him, because he took off into a random aisle and left you wondering just how many sizes of couplers there could be.

“This one will probably do the job,” he said as his path rounded the counter. “If it doesn’t, then, I can ignore the return policy for you. Just this once, though.”

“Thanks, ‘Tsumu.” You made your payment and he slid your product over the counter as his elbows landed on it, leaning down to make himself comfortable. Like he thought he’d be there awhile.

“How long are you gonna be in town?”

“Two weeks. Why do you ask?” You knew why - you just wanted to hear him say it.

“We should catch up.”

He was grinning and shrugging and fidgeting with his fingers, just like he always did, and you would never turn down any offer he made you.

“We should. I’ve got to get home, but are you free tonight?”

“We close at six,” he said. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it,” you said, meaning every word. You wondered if he knew that.

“So will I,” he replied, and then you made your way out before you convinced yourself to stay.

It’d been three years since you last spoke to Atsumu. In that time, you had done a lot that felt like nothing, living in a different city that felt worlds bigger than this town - that city was a place you had once convinced yourself was all yours. You had pulled off running away effortlessly.

But it didn’t matter how much time goes by between your meetings with Atsumu. There was something there that you could never shake, the hold you had on each other was anchor tight. Ten years could pass and you would speak to each other like it had only been one day. You’d have world ending fights and one of you would always come crawling back, letting the other win as long as it meant things would go back to normal.

You couldn’t describe it. You never tried, you didn’t need to. The unspoken acts between the two of you didn’t need to be explained. It was something akin to a best friend with all the benefits included and most of the strings attached - confusing and nerve wracking but still so comforting.

Atsumu was the closest thing to home you had in this town, and somehow every road always leads back to him. With a few detours on your part, of course, because you just couldn’t stay away too long. Even moving across the country didn’t change that - not like you thought it would.

You just barely missed the turn into your driveway, being so distracted by your thoughts. So much was rushing back, so much that shouldn’t be - it isn’t a big deal, it’s just Atsumu, but it felt grand, like this was some massive reunion.

But it wasn’t. You were only here to celebrate Christmas with your family. You weren’t even planning on seeing Atsumu, let alone meeting up with him or rekindling any kind of flame that was once there.

And it was such a rush that you couldn’t even question why he was working at his father’s store - or why he was even in this town at all. What happened to the dreams he was chasing?

For what felt like the first time in your life, you had questions for him. But you’d have to wait all day to ask them.

. . .

You were thankful to come home to a dry floor and a calmer father - he finally figured out how to turn the water off and decided to fix the pipe later. You knew he’d inevitably be paying someone more qualified to repair it, but your mind had no space for that problem.

You were still trying to figure out how you’d meander the night with Atsumu by the time he was picking you up, and when the two of you arrived at his home you still hadn’t found your answer.

Easing into this would be best, and once alcohol was introduced to the equation it would turn into a slippery slope.

Nothing was hard with Atsumu. You knew that - that’s why you couldn’t figure out why you were having such a hard time talking to him.

A lot had changed. Not between the two of you, not exactly. You were right back where you were three years ago: on his couch, sitting too close to him, laughing at something he had said that was only funny because he said it.

But your lives had changed. Your worlds had changed. His mind had very obviously changed, and because of it all, you couldn’t keep pretending that the two of you were teenagers again.

You had to bite the bullet and ask the question that was on your mind, completely knowing that he could throw a hard hitting question back at you.

It came out more effortlessly and lighthearted than you expected. “So… what happened to playing volleyball?”

Atsumu scoffed. “You still remember that pipe dream? Nothing happened, it was just childish.”

You didn’t like his answer, so you pressed him. You worked up the courage to start this conversation, so you were going to get to the bottom of things. “You said you wanted to catch up - I know you, Atsumu. You get what you want and you wanted to play volleyball. You were going to be a pro, you were good.”

“I know you know me,” he said, and the smirk on his lips didn’t go unnoticed by you. “I wanted to get drunk and chat, not start up a fucking therapy session.”

You sat patient and waiting, eyes on him, refusing to go without the answer to your question. You were teasing, really, eyeing him up and grinning as you watched him struggle. The problem was: you didn’t expect the answer you’d get.

“I - I had the chance.” There was a scratch in his throat that wasn’t caused by the whiskey he’d just swallowed. “I was being scouted and playing my ass off and there were talks of being on an Olympic team one day, but… shit happens, and that’s it.”

“What shit, Atsumu? You didn’t just give up, did you? Were you scared or something?”

You didn’t realize how close you were to him until his hand came down to rest on your knee, and both of you focused on that touch as his next thoughts became words. “Dad got sick. And ‘Samu had just opened the restaurant, and… there were bills to pay and the store to run. Even though I wasn’t his preference, Dad had no choice and left the legacy of Miya’s Hardware to me, so - that’s where I am.”

“Oh. I… I had no idea - I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. You were already long gone by then - don’t say sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, and you hugged him without thinking, but he hugged you back all the same. “I’m sorry, ‘Tsumu.”

“It’s okay,” he told you, but you didn’t feel okay. You were sure he didn’t, either. “It’s not your fault.”

You pulled away from him just enough to look at his face, and you hadn’t noticed the distance in his eyes until just then. As you looked at him, you realized it was only familiar to now. It wasn’t there years ago, when you got to look into those eyes every day.

“I should’ve been there for you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, but his words were dangling on an edge. He didn’t quite mean them. “You were off in your own dream. I got through it.”

You only nodded. You weren’t sure what else to say after that.

As Atsumu sat back against the couch, he brought you with him, tucking you under his arm against his chest. His lips on your forehead made you close your eyes and for a second, it was like you were both nineteen again. You could’ve been, if time would only slow down or freeze or go back - what wouldn’t you give for that?

“I’m done talking about me,” he mumbled. “I wanna hear about your life now.”

You laughed, but quiet, “My life’s been fine.”

“Only fine?”

“You don’t see me on the big screen, do you?”

He laughed this time. “Not yet. One day, though. Have you gotten used to the city yet?”

“Oh… I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it, but… it does feel like home now. It’s so different from living here.”

“I bet.”

“I try not to romanticize it, but - I don’t know. It feels good, even if it’s not what I thought it’d be. The lights are pretty bright. Blinding compared to here.”

His response was a nod, and that was it. If he had any questions or comments, he held them back.

A break in the silence came soon, though. “You know,” he said, quiet, with a small laugh that was humorless, “I’m not as good at getting what I want as you think I am.”

“That’s not true,” you replied, and you were setting up an argument you weren’t ready to make. “You got me.”

“Did I?”

“What do you mean?”

Silence lingered, and after too long you sat up and looked at him, and that got him to talk.

“Nothing,” he insisted. He pulled you closer with two fingers holding your chin, and you didn’t resist. “Nothing, baby. Let’s just… just be quiet for a while.”

There wasn’t time for you to say anything else. His lips were on yours the moment he got his last word out. And even though you expected him to kiss you, it still made you gasp.

You couldn’t describe how much you missed kissing someone you wanted to, and Astumu’s kiss was like finding home. His lips were like candy, sweeter than sugar; his bite was a freezing shock that always pulled a giggle and a whisper of his name out of you. He knew how to kiss you, slow and deep with a hand on your jaw to keep you there, never leaving you wanting more because he gave everything you could ever need.

It didn’t take long for his kisses to trail down your neck, or for his shirt to come off, or for your back to land on the couch. You had already reached euphoria just seeing him hovering over you, eyes soft and hair askew; you didn’t need anything but this. You’d never want anything but this.

You did what you always did - trailed your hand down his torso, over his golden skin, stopping just after every freckle or scar or mark. This time, you were looking for something new. You didn’t find anything. You didn’t stop until your hand landed on his waist, and there, you squeezed -

“Stop, you little shit,” and he laughed, right along with you. A real and genuine laugh - you hadn’t heard that song in a long time. “Why do you always do that?”

Finally he moved down to press his chest against yours, his hips locking in place between your legs. A perfect combination.

“Why do you always give me the chance?” You were still laughing, not able to get over the cute sight. Atsumu was always so ticklish there, right on his waist, and when you made that discovery you swore you’d never forget it. And he sure as hell wished you would have. “You’re so cute. I’ve missed that smile.”

“I’ve missed you,” he replied. Somehow you just knew that he meant it.

“Don’t. I’m here.”

“You’re here,” he repeated. Like he was reassuring himself.

You took the initiative to unbutton your shirt yourself, so that there was no way for him to think that you wanted this to stop there. It couldn’t, not when you had him this close. And his eyes followed the popping buttons like stalking prey.

“And you’re still the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Fucking hell.”

You cringed - you couldn’t help the feeling in your gut when he gave you those sweet words. You knew he meant them in some way; you knew Atsumu wouldn’t lie to you. He’s never told you anything just for the sake of it. But how many times, in the last three years, had someone done just that? Told you just what you wanted to hear so they could get inside you? It was vile the first time. The second, it made you ache. But now, you’re used to it. Nobody means what they say. You’re used to it.

And Atsumu could snatch up any girl he wanted. A girl who’s used to blinding lights and expensive wine and lying - or a girl who would stay with him, who wouldn’t push his buttons, who would be effortless in her charm and wit and beauty.

You couldn’t put yourself in either category.

“You haven’t seen many, then.”

“Why would I even need to when I’ve got you? You’re a fucking dream. All I ever think about.”

You shook your head, not even noticing you were doing it. Atsumu wouldn’t have it.

“Don’t do that,” he said. “Not when you know what you do to me. You’ve got my heart beating out of my chest, for fuck’s sake - it has been since you walked into the store.”

You never knew him to be so open with his feelings, or maybe you had just gotten used to being lied to. You weren’t sure and you didn’t care - all you could think about was kissing him, so you pulled him in, and you were sure he would devour you. You’d have no problem with that.

It was desperate when you said, “I need you.”

And reassuring when he replied, “I’m right here.”

He wasn’t close enough. You didn’t think he ever could be. And it was right then, when you were swimming in desperation, that you realized you shouldn’t have been doing this. It would only make leaving even harder. Doing it the first time was hell, letting him watch you leave and be okay with it. You hated yourself for wishing he wasn’t. And you were drowning.

You hated yourself for leaving.

You hated yourself more for coming back.

And you didn’t want to be there, all of a sudden, despite the ache in between your thighs and the addicting warmth he had you trapped in. You didn’t want to be there and you didn’t want to leave, either - you only wanted something easy, but you’d never have it. Not here, and not in the city, and not with Atsumu.

You felt him freeze, felt things shift. You hadn’t even noticed the way your energy had completely dropped.

“Something wrong?” He moved up to hold your face. He noticed the tears in your eyes before you did.

It was hard to look at him but you held his gaze, and his touch hurt more than it healed but you yearned for it. The concern on his face was genuine, the gentle strokes of his thumb on your cheek weren’t forced, and it all was making your stomach turn.

He cared for you - obviously he did - but not enough to ask you to stay. Not enough to find trouble in letting you leave him. So maybe you shouldn’t have a problem with it, either.

“No,” you said through a sore throat and a locked jaw. “Sorry, just…”

“We don’t have to do this,” he told you. “We can just talk - I want to talk. If it’s too much -”

“It’s okay,” you said. You tried to mean it as much as, “I miss you, Atsumu. I want you - touch me, I miss you.”

“I know,” and he was wiping the tears off of your cheeks as he kissed your lips, “I’ll take care of you, baby, just let me. Stop thinking so much. Let me take care of you like I always do, yeah? You want me to help you feel good?”

You always had a problem with that - thinking too much. He never hesitated to call you out on it. You nodded your head, strong and fast, like you were trying to knock the thoughts right out of it.

“Please, ‘Tsumu.” You were crying for him, pulling him closer. “Need you. Make it better, please.”

“I’d do anything,” he said. “You gotta quit crying, baby. You’re acting like our first time again.”

You laughed at that, wiping your own tears and knocking his hands away. “God, that was so embarrassing.”

“It was cute.”

“It wasn’t.”

“It was kinda hot, too.”

“Atsumu!”

It was his deep grin that made you relax again, and so did another blissful kiss that took your breath in a way that you enjoyed.

“You can cry, baby,” he said, popping buttons on both of your pants, “as long as it’s because of how good I’m making you feel. That’s what you need, pretty girl. Let me show you how much I’ve been missing you - get these pants off, baby, let me see you.”

He didn’t give you the chance to cry any more, at least not in an emotional sense. Your mind was stripped with your body, filled with nothing but him, no space between the two of you left for insecurities or questions.

It wasn’t until he coaxed you into his bedroom that those things had the chance to creep back.

Atsumu was out cold, cuddled into your chest and holding on tight to your waist, after smothering you in soft kisses and sweet sleepy words. You were comfortable there, warm and safe and content, but the pit in your stomach only grew. You watched him sleep, his mouth slightly open and eyes softly closed, and you wanted to reach down and kiss him but you resisted.

It was late and you should be asleep but you couldn’t rest. You couldn’t stop loathing yourself long enough to close your eyes, and the more you thought, the harder it got to breathe. Your throat was sore again. Your eyes were watering again. And every word you wanted to say to Atsumu was tumbling out of your mouth and falling onto sleeping ears.

“Why didn’t you ask me to stay?”

He didn’t stir. It was still rumbling breaths and the whir of the air conditioner filling the silence.

“Everyone else did. But you. Why… You of all people should know I’m just as worthless there as I am here - I’ll never make it - I’ve changed everything and still…”

You sucked a hard breath into your lungs to stop a wracking sob, just barely holding it in.

“I just ended up here again. With you. I’m so alone without you but I can’t - fuck.”

It didn’t even matter what you were trying to say anymore, because you had no clue. You didn’t know why you couldn’t just stay with him regardless of his choice to let you go, but something in you made you run. Maybe it was worthless pride or a childish desire to be something more - you didn’t know.

You didn’t belong in any industry you dreamed of working in. You weren’t born to be a star. You should know by now - should accept your failure and come back home for more than just one night.

But you couldn’t.

There was still a chance, wasn’t there?

A chance to belong somewhere.

A chance to be led home.

A chance to make it. Would you die trying?

You would leave in the morning. And you wouldn’t ask Atsumu to wait for you as he started getting ready for the day. And Atsumu wouldn’t ask you to ditch your own plotted destiny just to stay with him.

But this would happen again. Every time you would swear it off and every time, you would travel roads that take you right back to this town, this bed, these arms.

Running away would never get easier, but this is all it would ever be with him. He would never stop you leaving - and you would never ask him to.

. . .

...so i’ll go back to LA

#i researched how to fix pipes for this #by research i mean i went to hope depot dot com and looked at Pipes #my friend actually busted his sink pipe the other day exactly like i wrote and our other friend (who works at lowes) said he needs a Coupler #in conclusion i dont know how sinks or pipes work. do not perceive me or my writing.#miya atsumu #atsumu miya #atsumu x reader #miya atsumu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #i forget what other tags i need to use lmao

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starprincecas · 3 years

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What was the point of it all?

Now that I’ve had a few days to sit with my feelings about the series finale, I think it’s time I got this out. This is something that needs to be said.

I hate that a lot of the rage and anger about the ending is being treated reductively with “destiel shippers are just mad their ship didn’t go canon”, as if that’s the only thing to be angry about.

Let’s be frank here, even with people being hopeful and positive and meta-ing about episodic and character beats for the past 10+ years, using their eyes and critical thinking and going “hmm, this... isn’t straight”, how many people sincerely thought they’d get openly queer characters, queer main characters and ones who have romantic feelings for each other no less, from a show that’s so notoriously bad with queer representation as a whole?

I certainly didn’t.

Did I want it? Absolutely. Was I hopeful about it? Sure, but I don’t think I actually expected them to go beyond the wink-wink nudge-nudge of plausible deniability because that’s what they’ve done since the very beginning. 15x18 honestly surprised me because I wasn’t expecting them to have the guts to go through with it even though they’d both laid the foundation and reinforced that that was the only direction it could go for Castiel.

Now, here’s where I’m mad; not about the final, final tease of something they’ve been baiting us with for literal years (like I said, tempered expectations), or even entirely that they clearly used it to increase their viewer count (fuck them especially for that one), but that the finale was a spit in the face to the characters and to us. Honestly, I’m more sad than I am mad. I wasn’t crying and grieving these last few days because “my ship didn’t go canon”, I was grieving because the people I love were treated so badly and I couldn’t do anything about it but watch it happen.

SPN, for all its flaws and problems, have spectacular characters. I love almost all of the characters (both bit and main with a few exceptions) a lot and have for years. I love them almost like they’re my family.

I’m grieving Sam, Dean, and Cas, and their found family, because they were my found family too.

None of them got a happy ending. Sure Sam lived on, but he was miserable the entire time; he was mired in his grief for the rest of his life. We’ve seen him try to leave hunting before, twice, both times unsuccessfully, before he realized it wasn’t something to run away from. Maybe he’d retire or semi-retire eventually like Bobby did, but he’d come to terms with it and found happiness and satisfaction for himself and with Eileen. But in the end we don’t even know whether she was even brought back after Chuck had snapped her and everyone else away because none of them speak of her again. None of the other characters are spoken of again either; we just have to assume Jack brought them back along with everyone else and that no one thought to reach out to anyone else just to be sure, to reassure themselves and each other that they’re safe and in one piece, that they’ve all finally won their freedom from being chess pieces on Chuck’s cosmic chessboard of milking Winchester AngstTM. Sam lost so many people in quick succession before they defeated Chuck; he lost his entire family of Cas, Jack, and Dean within a few weeks of each other.

The finale has him running away from his past, from hunting, from everything in his life, just to make a point of showing he’s grieving Dean and will forever grieve Dean. Does his blurry wife in the background even know about the grief he’s bearing, or did he package it away like he did with Amelia? There’s no indication he has any support system left, that he was ever able to move forward from that, because having him grieving Dean was the only thing that mattered to the writers/show.

Dean was given the worst ending. He’s lived his entire life for the sake of other people, chiefly Sam, and the moment he’s “finally free” to live his life he dies, terribly and cheaply. Maybe it was meant to hint at how death can be sudden and unexpected, to remind us that hunters live a life where any hunt they go on could be their last, but screw that. It was unfair. Just because he always expected to die bloody didn’t mean he had to, he deserved to live. To have a chance at living for himself however that turned out to be; whether that meant continuing hunting, or hanging it up for a normal life, or finding a balance between the two. And no, just because he went to Heaven doesn’t mean it’s a happy ending either, because he spent it alone. The only person he sees in Heaven is Bobby, who hints at his parents and Rufus and his girlfriend staying just around the corner; Cas and Jack get a passing mention to explain how/why the heavenly system got changed, and that’s it. None of their friends were worth a mention, not even Ellen, Jo, or Ash considering they’re in front of the Roadhouse (I can’t decide if this is more hilarious or sad). Dean barely spends more than a few minutes to get this mini info-dump from Bobby before he decides to go driving forever into the open roads of heaven to wait for Sam. For a man who loves and loves deeply, apparently no one else mattered at all (which, ha, try to convince me of that in another life where I haven’t seen him grieve and rage over losing said people). Oh, and to be clear, I’m not saying he shouldn’t be waiting for Sam, I’m saying he didn’t have to wait alone. I don’t know about you, but being alone for the interminable eternity of Heaven waiting for someone I love as much as Dean loved Sam doesn’t sound like Heaven to me.

I don’t know how anyone can love Sam and Dean and say they’re happy about this ending for either of them.

And of course we can’t forget about Cas. Castiel has spent almost his entire life trying and struggling to do what’s right. He’s been treated as a hammer and a weapon, a conduit for heavenly power, all the while trying to escape from what he’s been pigeonholed into. He’s suffered so much and for so long right alongside the brothers, for their sake, for the world’s sake, and been taken for granted even by the people he loved for much of it because of how useful he is/can be to them. Sure the Winchesters loved him, we know that, but he doesn’t; he hardly ever got them expressing as much to him through actions let alone words (seeing as they struggle to manage it in the latter even between each other). He deserves to have that just as much as anyone else does. Beyond all that, he deserved to be grieved over when he died. Except for a comment or two in the last two episodes, he wasn’t grieved at all.

I’m not even entirely happy with Jack’s ending either because he was a literal child in an adult’s body. He barely got 4 years of a life before he had to become the new God. But hey, it was necessary to resolve the final large plot thread (like there weren’t other alternatives they could’ve taken) so I just need to shut my mouth and accept it, right?

We get a shoddily cobbled together goodbye for Team Free Will 2.0 and no one else. No goodbye for Eileen, Jody, Donna, Charlie, Kevin, Rowena... the list goes on. Oh, but we got Bobby in Heaven in the end for a hot minute, so that’s good, right?

What the show tried to tell us with that finale is that no one really matters, not even Sam and Dean, because grief is more Edgy, more Meaningful, more Poignant, and happiness doesn’t matter worth a damn.

We’re grieving because we loved them, found someone to relate to with their struggles or saw ourselves in them. So you’re gonna have to excuse me for being mad at them tossing this at us and saying we should be happy with their hollow idea of ‘happiness’. In the end we were just cash cows and a number on their viewer count anyways.

#spn #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #bobby singer #eileen leahy #i'm not tagging the ships because this is about the characters and the show and the shit they gave us #i'd tag all the other characters they don't give a shit about too but that'd just make this too long #again: just to be clear i don't hate the actors one bit #they did what they were contractually obligated to do as best as they could and i love them for all they've given us all these years #but the network and dabb/singer etc.? they can fuck off #you're all more than welcome to come into my asks and ask me for my takes on how they could've shot this different #to *show* that other people existed in heaven besides Sam Dean and Bobby without actually physically showing them due to covid constraints #because it is absolutely possible and you shouldn't let them fool you into thinking otherwise #becca rambles #spn grief coping

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iminyourhandskara · 6 years

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I'll Be Good. - Psiturn One Shot

@thoughtsfromaclutteredbrain @yeratimelordkatniss here’s my new psiturn one shot, i havent written anything since a karamel one in september, but i felt really inspired after rewatching 3x11 and i needed to let it all out, this is set in the canon universe, good luck reading these 4000 words!😅😂😁😁

_______

Imra strutted down the stairs, following J’onn’s indications, the place she’d been looking for must’ve been there at the end of the corridor. Strange sounds and hisses came from the first rooms: she rolled her eyes and stopped right in front of the last one, which looked particularly brighter than the others. A window, she remembered hearing that from Kara once they got back from their mission. Imra showed a special DEO badge to the agent guarding the cell, he placed a card on a scanner and opened the glass door; the golden locks of the woman covered her view, she seemed to be reading a book - probably another idea from Kara - until she looked up.

“What are you doing here?” “Well, good morning to you, too.” Imra raised an eyebrow. “Please, don’t try to be sassy. It’s laughable.” “I don’t see you laughing.” “What are you doing here, again?” “Why, can’t I visit a friend in her beautiful room?” “We’re not friends.” Psi chuckled and moved a strand of hair from her face, before standing up from her chair. “We almost died on the same mission, I’m pretty sure that makes us something.” “We’re not anything. Now tell me what you really want.” Imra inhaled a deep breath and her voice dropped the annoyed tone. “I’m leaving in two days. I’m going back home in the 31st century.” “I still don’t see the connection between that and myself, Matilda.” “I want you to come with me.” ”Excuse me?” Her green eyes tried to understand if Psi was offended or angry, but she only seemed confused. “I’ve been here for a short time, and the time I’ve spent with you was only a 0,01% of that. Probably even less. But I’ve learned a lot in these months, about myself, especially.” The look of confusion didn’t seem to disappear from her eyes, actually it just grew.

“What I’ve learned from the Legion, from Mon-El and directly from Supergirl now, is that our lives are always on a crossroads, what we choose to do with our superpowers is up to us only. I know you’ve used yours to hurt people, to get money, to get just superficial things. Don’t you want to do something more meaningful with your life?” Psi turned around, her back now facing Imra, she looked at something in the distance, she seemed to be reflecting over her words, her head elaborating all the things she said. “Why? Why do you want me to leave everything to run away a thousand years in the future? I’m not made for that type of stuff.” Psi laughed bitterly, lowering her head. “You are not a bad person. If it weren’t for you, both Livewire and Supergirl would’ve died, and we would’ve never found out about that little glimpse of humanity in Reign. And you think I haven’t noticed that? I know you still feel bad for Livewire’s death.” She finally turned around: Imra was right, that mission changed her, something clicked inside of her heart. She was so close to being a good person, more than she would’ve wanted to admit, that it scared her. “I have been a villain for so long I don’t know how to be a hero.”

The brunette followed her sad gaze and continued to talk, seeing that Psi was at loss of words: “I’m not asking you to be a hero. I’m giving you the opportunity of a fresh start, I’m asking you to follow your heart and be just…a good person.”Imra hinted a grin on her lips, “I have an idea, we spend one day, as normal, nice people and then you decide what to do.” “Okay.” The quickness of her response surprised both of them, a shy smile grew on the blonde’s pink lips as well. “There’s one, little problem though..” “I thought we were being good people now, Matilda.” “Supergirl and the rest of the team know I’m visiting you but..they don’t know what I’m asking you.” “What?” She gasped with amusement, “I didn’t know that you were a sneaky little kid.” Imra acted like she was annoyed but, deep down she found the situation funny as well. Psi started laughing, “So, what’s the plan?” “Mmh..Do you have any ideas?” She whispered, remembering that there still was a guard outside the glass door. “Do you think the guard trusts you enough to leave us alone?” “I can try.” “You’re good with words.” A timid note suddenly appeared in Psi’s voice, something she’s never heard, she could only reply with a smile. “Doesn’t that mean that I’ve convinced you to join me in the 31st century?” “I still want my last 24 hours of freedom in this century.” She crossed her arms on her chest. “That seems fair. Wait for a minute.”

Imra chatted with the guard, “She’s not really a friend of mine but she wanted me to watch a movie with her, we have a sort of pact. Can you leave us alone for tonight only?” The man was surprisingly understanding and agreed, he’d seen her at the DEO and he had no reason not to trust her, she was in Supergirl’s team after all, right? “I’ll see you tonight.” She winked at Psi, who smirked back.

The night arrived, Imra used her telekinetic powers to sneak the key card from the guard’s pocket and once he had left, she opened the door with a finger on her lips, shushing the other: Psi really tried to take her seriously, but that sort of “Charlie’s Angel” act was pretty hilarious, and really, really cute, in some unexplainable way. It was past midnight, the few remaining agents were in the upper floors, she had been thankful that every floor had a window. “We’re gonna fly out here.” “Are you kidding me?!” “Do you want to leave this place or not?” “Yes, but flying?” Imra hovered a bit over her and showed her Legion ring proudly, “You just gotta let me carry you.” “I don’t really like being carried…or heights.” Did Psi just admit one of her biggest fears? “Do you wanna run from here trying to avoid those who’ll try to bring you back into your cell or do you wanna trust me?” “Ugh. Fine.” She jumped in her arms, a little embarrassed, but Imra didn’t seem bothered at all: they snuck out that window, Psi didn’t dare to look down and held onto the hero for dear life.

“Do you wanna eat something?” “It’s- it’s midnight.” “I don’t think we have something better to do, do we?” Psi simply nodded, Imra landed right in front of a empty, but still open McDonald’s. Once they sat down, the metahuman broke the ice asking for her story, the 31st century seemed so far in every possible way, plus she was from another planet, she was fascinated; Imra started telling the story of her important family, her arranged marriage to Mon-El, the Legion, her mission in this century.. “Wow, I’m surprised Supergirl hasn’t strangled you yet. I’m glad I haven’t been in a relationship with someone in a while, things like these remind me of the good side of being alone.” She stole a fry from her tray. “Yeah.. it’s not an ideal situation. But Mon-El will stay here, that’s why he asked me to be the Legion’s new leader.” “And?” “And I’m okay with that. This has always been his real home and we knew that, even though he kept saying the contrary at first.” “So, one of your first decisions as a leader was to recruit me?” “Actually the first decision.” She took a bite from her burger. “You have something on your face.” Psi chuckled, “Let me just-” she took a napkin and attentively watched and wiped away the mayonnaise from her cheek. “Thanks.”

A few seconds of silence surrounded them before she spoke again; “What about you? What’s your story?” Psi took a bite from her meal and swallowed it before starting her speech. “There’s not a lot to say: my name is Gayle Marsh, I’m a bisexual woman from Illinois, I’m a psychic metahuman, my entire family dropped me instead of helping me handle these..these powers. I guess that’s partly what made me what I am.” “You know..in the future, people don’t give their sexuality a name like people here do. If they like someone, they just like them, we don’t care about the person’s sex, love is important in all its shades. By the way, you are not that evil person anymore, that’s who you were.” She corrected her with a sympathetic smile. “Yeah…I grew up on my own.” “I didn’t get along with my family after that arranged marriage situation, I still- I don’t talk to them..the Legion is my family, it’s all I have.” Sadness soaked up her eyes, she could tell that she cared deeply about her family and there was a hole in her life.

“I don’t know how you did that.” “Did what?” “I could never open up to anyone, and then you just-” “I just feel like I can trust you, I guess you feel that too.”

Later that night, they slept in Psi’s apartment, having telekinesis and having a key were kind of the same thing, Imra was on her couch, Psi on her old bed: she realized she really wasn’t gonna miss this century, there was nothing to tie her to this time, nobody. She’d never truly thought about her loneliness until she was given a chance at a new life, a new beginning: Psi just realized the subtle good influence Imra had on her, it wasn’t normal, she had underestimated her from their first meeting, but she had the skills to be a leader, she was persuasive and gentle, she didn’t push her choice. The 31st century couldn’t be that bad if all people were like her: Psi didn’t know what to expect from that huge leap she was about to take, but she felt ready.

The morning came, sunlight peeked through the curtains, Psi woke up earlier than Imra, who still seemed to be deep in slumber like a baby angel in the meantime; she went through her cabinets, looking for something to eat for breakfast, careful to not wake the girl up. “Good morning.” She mumbled stretching her arms. “Rise and shine, Matilda!” Psi replied jokingly, “Are you ready for your last day in the 21st century?” “I don’t know, are you?” She was caught unprepared by that question, but after a few seconds of deep thoughts, she continued: “Absolutely.” “Great. What are you eating?” “Nothing in my kitchen is even edible anymore, you know, a couple months locked up at the DEO.” “Right, so I guess that means we’re gonna eat somewhere else?” “Yeah, but you need to change, and I guess I will too. Leather doesn’t go exactly unnoticed. I should have something in my wardrobe for you, too.” “Thank you so much.”

They were now wearing much more comfortable clothes, Psi picked up some cash from one of her nightstands ready to go. “Were you comfortable on that couch?” “I’ve slept in worse places.” “I.. I’m sorry.” “No, no, it’s fine. I get it, you’re not comfortable sleeping with strangers in your bed.” “I thought you said we were ‘something’ yesterday, plus..it wouldn’t be the first time I slept with strangers.” She tried to hide her mischievous grin, but failed miserably: Imra mirrored her expression. They arrived at a café, and ordered their food; their conversation flowed naturally like they’ve known each other for a lifetime. “What are you gonna miss the most from the 21st century?” “Reality shows. Especially the Kardashian’s.” “The what?” “Nevermind, I was just kidding.” Sometimes she forgot she’d only been on this earth for a couple months, and she probably barely left her workplace. “Give me a serious answer, c'mon.” Imra encouraged her. “I’ve been giving it a lot of thought last night as I tried to fall asleep and I’ve realized that I won’t miss anything..or anyone: it’s probably a mutual feeling.” She acted like she didn’t really care, but she knew that Imra was gonna figure her real feelings out.

“We’ll both start all over once we’re there.” Imra’s hand covered hers on the table. “It’s gonna be strange after almost 7 years spent orbiting around Mon-El. I’m gonna start anew, as my own person.” They both felt comfort in that brief touch, a comfort they were missing.

“Do you think they’re looking for us?” “What?” “The DEO agents.” “Oh. Right.” “You’re not really good at being naughty.” “I’ve never needed to be ‘naughty’?” Imra mimicked the quotation marks around the last word. “I guess we both have to learn from each other.” “By the way, yes. I think they’re looking for us.” “So what are we gonna do?” “We’ll keep spending our last day normally, until they find us.” “No pressure.”

The two stood up from their seats around 11, Psi planned to go shopping, to grab a few clothes before going away, maybe she wasn’t gonna like the new millennium style and trends. They had a lot of fun but weren’t gonna admit it out loud: Imra and Psi shared a special, growing bond they couldn’t define, they just clicked, they had to grow up too quickly for their own good, they’ve never lived life to the fullest, always being busy with their enemies and missions, whether good or bad; they needed to chill sometimes and just let everything go for a bit, they needed to relax too. Psi had spent her last six months alone in a cell, it felt extremely good to have someone to share fun with. For once it wasn’t a bad game she was playing, she was spending a nice day with her friend, a word that had not crossed her mind in a long time: it had never crossed her mind.

Everything in her life had always been temporary, she learned that growing attached to people ended badly, she learned to manage her feelings so she couldn’t be affectionate to anyone, but…for once, after this rush, after not even a full day, her certainties had fallen down. Maybe she could be happy in the future. With her.

Supergirl and Mon-El found them while shopping, by their looks it seemed like that situation was much different than the one they were expecting, but without asking many questions they brought the girls back at the department, Psi was handcuffed once again and Imra’s heart sunk. “What were you guys doing?” Kara asked with her hands on the round table, a hint of worry in her eyes, Mon-El’s look was both worried and angry. “What do girls do in a mall?” “Psi.” The kryptonian’s voice was low and not in the mood for sass. “She’s right.” Imra intervened, “I owe you guys an explanation, so I’ll just start by saying that I planned to leave tonight.” “Leave?” Kara and Mon-El asked in unison, before sharing an embarrassed look. “Yes, I’ve repaired the ship a while ago now, the mission we came here for has been accomplished, I have nothing else to do here.” “What does she have to do with that?” “Mon-El, we’ve talked about this a few days ago. You want me to lead the Legion Of Superheroes, and I’ve decided to bring Psi with me: Kara, you taught me to see the good even in the most improbable people, and that’s exactly what I did. I wanted to give Psi a new life, leading her in a good path.”

Kara’s eyes switched from Imra, to Mon-El and then back to her: did she understand correctly? Did that mean that Mon-El was gonna leave the Legion..to stay? She was flattered by Imra’s words; Alex, Mon-El and many others praised this quality of hers as well, but it always hit her heart whenever she received a compliment about her attitude towards even the worst villains. Mon-El stayed pensive, he was fidgeting and lowering his eyes on his hands. “So why did you sneak out yesterday?” He asked out of blue. “We needed one last day of.. normalness. Before flying into this..” Psi paused and inhaled a deep breath, “new adventure.” The two girls shared an understanding smile; as short as that day had been,they’ve felt more alive in that amount of time than most of their lives, there was life in the simplest things.

“That’s an admirable thing you’ve done, Imra. But you should’ve told us, even though you had the best intentions in your heart.” “Yeah, I think it’s a bad habit I need to get rid of.” Mon-El knew she was talking also about the secret mission she - and Brainy - had kept from him. “I think I’m gonna check up on the Legion ship before..before we go. You can take off her handcuffs now.” Kara nodded and freed Psi’s wrists, she immediately went after Imra as the atmosphere grew tense in that room: it seemed like the girl had a lot to ask about Mon-El staying, and whatever happened with Imra. “We need to talk about this, what happened?” Psi’s ears only picked that up leaving the room, she could understand why Imra wanted to leave all this drama behind.

While Imra went back with Brainiac 5 to say goodbye to the team, she stayed on the ship, figuring it out, taking her time to memorize it since she was gonna spend a lot of time there from now on. “She told me that we should take care of each other.” “I definitely don’t need a babysitter.” Psi rolled her eyes. “Neither do I.” But at the end they both smiled. “Are you ready?” Imra was dealing with the commands and the different buttons and levers. “Totally.”

________

It had been a month since Psi arrived in the 31st century with the Legion: Imra asked her to be her roommate, since she wasn’t used to living alone and she could definitely use some company, but they barely spent time home, being busy jumping from portal to portal, mission to mission. Now, they were about to face their first big threat together, but the strong leader and the stubborn new member couldn’t seem to agree on how to attack those aliens surprising them in their own territory.

“We just have to sneak in, you create one of your bubbles to protect us, just for enough time so I can hit them.” “No, it’s too risky to attack them from such a close distance, I don’t think I can do that. I don’t want them eat us as dinner.” “I thought you were the leader!” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “You should know that risks should be taken, even with the possibility of us being eaten. You’re frustrating.” Psi’s hand rested on her face. “Frustrating? Me? You’re the one who has a lot to say on my skills! If I’m so frustrating, you should just go. Nobody is forcing you to stay here.” She froze, heavy breathing, the other Legionnaires had never seen Imra so angry, and most of them didn’t trust Psi considering her past. “I guess you’re right. Have fun letting this planet be destroyed just because you were too scared to do something we ALL know you’re capable of.”

Psi stormed off and went to her apartment, her mind was ready to pack and leave, but instead, she sat on her bed looking at the mirror wondering what she was gonna do; Imra had become the center of everything she did, and she barely noticed, she didn’t mind it. She changed her heart in the blink of an eye and it could’ve been so easy in that moment to just snap back into the bad side but..she didn’t feel like that girl anymore. She liked her new self, she liked it because of her; she liked her. Psi just stayed still, and before she could even process all her messy thoughts, her door opened.

“Psi, thank God you’re still here!” Imra was breathing heavily, even though she probably flew there. “I- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean what I said; I let my nerves take over me and I didn’t act as I should have, you were right.” She looked back at her, hoping that it wasn’t too late. “I’ve always needed someone to reassure me of what I can do and.. even if you used the hard way, your words really helped me. I am extremely emotional and sometimes I simply do what I shouldn’t do, without thinking about the consequences, that’s also why.. that’s why I need you. I can’t be a good leader if there’s no one to keep me down to earth.” “Can I ignore the consequences too, for once?” “What?”

Psi’s blue eyes were clouded with tears, she reached for Imra’s arm and pulled her in a kiss: the brunette woman was shocked in every possible, positive way, she didn’t know what she wanted but she found herself enjoying this battle more than she could’ve imagined. The two girls were now gasping for air, their foreheads resting on one another, “If we’re gonna end up on a plate for those monsters, like you said, I don’t wanna have regrets.” “We’re not, because one, everything will be alright and two, we have so much more to do.” Imra’s arms surrounded her neck. “Oh, yeah?” Psi tilted her head to the side, looking forward whatever that ‘much more to do’ implied. “Mh-mh. Now, we gotta head back to the ship, everyone was so worried about what was gonna happen.” “Did they expect me to go crazy and hurt you?” Her voice dropped on the last syllable: Imra didn’t reply, Psi knew the obvious answer. “Imra..” “They don’t know you like I do, but they will. They will learn to trust you soon.”

“They’re not you, they won’t know how to.. handle me.” “Listen to me, they’ve barely seen you in action. They will change their minds, I promise.” “Promise is a heavy word.” “I know.” “I don’t want you to be in hot waters because of me so.. whatever happens between us.. needs to be a secret. We’re gonna pretend like this has never happened.” “But..” “No, no.” Psi put her index on Imra’s lips, “It’s better this way. At least for now.” “Soon.” Imra repeated nodding, she took her hand and led her out of their house.

Everything had happened so fast between the two of them, but it felt so right: Psi entered her life like a hurricane and turned everything upside down, their connection was undeniable and already stronger than some relationships that took years and years to be solid - she thought about whatever she had with Mon-El back in the day - but when things were meant to be, she could just feel it. She felt that whatever she was gonna build with Psi was not a mistake, she had been in relationships and flings with other women, who were the complete opposite of what her blonde partner in crime was, yet it couldn’t feel more right than that.

____

Their plan worked and they beat those aliens really quickly, everyone had done a great job and seemed to be softer around Psi now. Some of the Legionnaires had been suspicious of something happening between Imra and Psi, but no one dared to say a thing; Brainy and Ultra Boy had a secret bet going on. The lingering looks, the giggles and the chemistry couldn’t be hidden anymore, so, after two months of “Little White Mati-Lies”, like Psi jokingly called them, they decided to reveal the truth to the rest of the Legion, at the end of one of their briefings.

“One last thing, uhm, I don’t want you to think differently of us or think that I’m doing favoritisms after this but.. We’re dating.” Imra took her girlfriend’s hand and raised it, shrugging at the same time, Psi couldn’t look anywhere but at her face, she didn’t like being in the spotlight, as weird as it sounded. “We already know.” Ultra Boy said, Brainy passed something to his hand and Imra was pretty sure she saw somebody high-fiving? “You can go back to whatever you were doing now.” Psi raised her voice.

“Well, that wasn’t the reaction I expected.” She said, now that they were alone. “What did you expect exactly?” “I don’t know..maybe some shouting involved.” “Maybe there will be shouting involved tonight,” Psi whispered to her ear, Imra’s skin now covered in goosebumps, “but that’s just for me and you.” She leaned in for a passionate kiss, her hand caressing her blonde locks, a smile growing on her lips. Imra had officially started a new chapter, actually, a whole new book of her story in the best way possible, and she wouldn’t have changed that for anything else.

_____

i apologize for mistakes and repetitions, but i hope you enjoyed this, let me know what you think in my inbox, replies and reblogs!😊😊

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