#I'm in a conundrum

[savage-rhi]

Magenta...

#I'm in a conundrum #so i have covid again #started showing symptoms last friday and into the weekend it got worse #i have missed a week of work #and i am getting better in some ways but not others #I'm still very much in the thick of it #i already told my boss if I'm still showing symptoms and no signs of getting better I'm going to the docs on Monday #she cool with that and has been very accomodating #but idk wtf im gonna do about bills coming up #and the higher ups at my work place ended covid protections and covid pay ie for the days you'd be out due to covid they'd take care of you #said higher ups also tried to pressure my boss into convincing me to come in on Tuesday at least #i can't in good conscience show up to work even if masked if I'm still having symptoms #I'd feel horrible if i gave it to my colleagues and especially the kids i work with #but also the you're one paycheck away from homelessness thing is digging my head #but i also need to take care of myself #idk man #idk wtf to do i feel trapped and I'm going insane because of it #help? police? murder? advice?

[vapolis]

normalize not knowing your own characters when asked specific things

#I literally don't know! sometimes I get asks that are so specific and good and I'm like yeah wonder what they'd do then!!!! #and then I realize I'm supposed to come up w what they'd do #a conundrum fr #m.txt

[mspaintbladie]

important announcement

#doodle #shitposting #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr herta #not blade #mochi's art #herta wanted me to sponsor her simulated universe #get kuru kuru'd idiots #jokes aside i'm still malding over gold and gears #i don't want to do conundrum #swarm d5 was already enough

[magnificent-winged-beast]

The way Dean swallowed his feelings as soon Cas told him I love you. he swallowed his will to respond back, because he recognized the point of no return if he just said: You know I love you too. Cas's happiness will have been undoubtedly real. Dean kept silence because he tried to reject or negate Cas the 12 year fuckery between them. thinking it could have ended Castiel's deal with the empty. But he swallowed his words because he wasn't able to lie to Cas when he was so vulnerably open with him... AND THE EMPTY WAS A BITCH THAT ENDED THE THING FAST BECAUSE PLOT CONTRIVANCES.

#Jst thinking about it makes me scream #Destiel #Could the old trope... No! Go away I don't love you.... I'm doing this to save you. #Deancas conundrum #I was thinking about this today instead of concentrate on a excel sheet #That was boring #Castiel #Dean Winchester #Yeah Dean thought fast because he knew where the thing was going when a as start talking #The end

[hemingway-papers]

Much has been said about Disney's The Great Mouse Detective and Atlantis but not enough talk about how Cagliostro-pilled they were when they made Tangled lol. zenigata ass horse

#lupin iii #tangled #hayao miyazaki #disney history #animation history #sorry for using dumb meme speak but it's truly how i feel cause i'm not saying it's copying cagliostro #it's just undeniably cagliostro enlightened by what makes that movie so good #and therefore enlightened on how to go about the whole adapting rapunzel conundrum and how to make it actually good #they were trying to make a rapunzel movie adaptation since snow white days! crazy #clearly the miyazaki + lupin vibes in cagliostro had exactly what they needed to make it work #castle of cagliostro is tangled producer john lasseters all time favorite movie if you somehow didn't know #miyazaki #miyazaki films

[cookinguptales]

I will say, though, that sometimes you try to talk yourself out of your feelings for a long time and then you talk to someone outside of the situation and they're like "what the fuck" and you're like OH okay I have a right to feel weird and bad and stressed out.

I guess it's easy to feel stupid because you actually are affected when people are actively trying to affect you, especially when it's something like writing on the internet, which is just... always going to get harassment. Like when I say I've gotten messages about how people like me should be euthanized in the past over tumblr posts. :')

So you're like "oh, random shitty people is just something that everyone deals with, I should shut up and stop being a baby about it" and then you actually show the messages you're getting to someone and they're like ???? what????

Like I shared my inbox with my hairstylist when we were chatting a few days ago, and he was like ???? This man is not in fandom, so when he saw the kind of shit I was getting over not liking a finale of a tv show, he was shocked. Which... was kind of gratifying. It made me feel less crazy. lmao

Kind of reminds me of when I wrote this really personal essay about disability a few years ago and it won a contest. The people running the contest gave me uhhh quite a bit of money and asked me to keep writing for their site for more money. Like when I tell you I was literally on IRL conference calls with these people asking me why I stopped writing for them.

And I was finally like "...well, there's this feature on your site where you can tag other users in your essays, and after I won people kept writing their own essays about how much I didn't deserve to win, about how "lucky" I was to have a sob story that was attractive to the judges, about how whiny I was, people questioning my disability, etc. And since they tagged me, this was filling my email inbox and it really stressed me out. But if you look at the actual comments on the story, you don't see any of that. So it was kind of invisible harassment."

And the rep was horrified. She had never even considered that someone might use the feature like that. She was like WE'LL INVESTIGATE THIS and I was like. sure, okay. But getting that taste of the spotlight was already enough to make me peace out for good, tbh. Even though I knew that a lot of it was just sour grapes because they wanted to win themselves, and I knew that a lot of what they were saying wasn't valid, the sheer force of the animosity against me was overwhelming.

Like... it's not a crime to have your feelings hurt when someone is actively trying to hurt your feelings. It's natural, I guess, even if you feel kind of stupid about it.

I guess it's kind of wild to me that we just take it for granted that anyone who speaks up is gonna get yelled at online. Any prominent writer or activist you see is probably getting daily cruelty, if not outright death threats. And you just -- you have to have such a certain temperament to deal with all that. And I don't have it. I get easily overwhelmed and stressed when people are mad at me and I know it's not ideal but it is who I am. I joke about it, but I really kind of do feel like a small nervous dog sometimes.

And I wonder, sometimes, how many great voices we never hear from because of this expectation of harassment. Someone says something, gets some shitty trolly comment, then goes back in their hole and never talks again. Or they see the way other people get treated and they never speak up in the first place.

idk, I don't mean to be a martyr about this and I'm sure other people are getting the kinds of messages I am but like. God, it is so weird and disheartening to realize that a few people have been sending you nasty messages for literally months when you block an anon from your inbox and you see what else disappears. There are people who are so mad at me that they've sent me angry messages for months. Because I don't have the same opinions they do about a tv show.

It kind of makes you want to never talk about anything ever again. :(

#just me #I've actually been literally stalked twice because of fandom #one much worse than the other #so maybe I'm just extra sensitive #but man it does not feel good #I Do Not Wish To Be Observed #but I do want people to read the things I write #a terrible conundrum lmao #it just all gets so weirdly personal so fast

[supersecretnerd]

A brown haired and freckled Little Mac from the Japanese instruction manual for Mike Tyson's Punch Out

#mike tyson's punch out #punch out!! #punch out #i feel like I'm spamming the tags but- i like sharing stuff #a true conundrum

[tbh-entp]

I'm starting to realize that my Ne-Fe loop turns on when I'm too social. I start going out, get a little addicted to being charming and how people respond, and then I forget myself and my Ti, and drain myself on saying the right (or hilariously wrong) things at the right moments, and I'm so aware of how people respond to me but idk how I'm responding to myself or how I even relate to what I'm saying-- only that it's clever and well timed and wow I feel terrible. I need to go home and find my Ti.

#entp #mbti #mine #ne-fe #cognitive functions #best to socialize in small amounts #i'm a mega ambivert anyway #so i'm just out here draining myself but enjoying that everyone loves me but idk if it's even me like it is but i'm not connecting on thing #s that are close or relevant to me really #the conundrum #of being an expat totally alone and being scared of the tock clickin g and no one being there when you die to even know that it's happened #so i feel i must be social if not just to survive #but i can only handle so much before losing myself #or so much with crowds of people who are only acquaintances #i need to do things and think about things and really exercise the Ti and maybe also clean my apartment #personality #personality type

[sunlaire]

Cant stop thinking about this exchange I read in a fic once between a ghost and the man he took a bullet for. The living one was angry said "I dont understand why you did it. you were too nice, you got yourself killed because of a stranger" and the ghost said "A stranger? We knew each other for years."

The living one says "But I was so careful. I kept you at arms length..."

and the ghost laughed and said "An arms length isn't that far."

the man says "i never showed you all of myself. not even a fraction."

and the ghost basically shrugged and said thats just how people work. You can't ever see all of someone. But the parts he saw, he cared about and understood in his own way. And thats just how it is.

#i'm haunting by the searing light of that idea #its like #living walled off from other people doesn't stop them from caring about me #an arms length isn't that far #for anyone who recognizes this yes its from 'the repeater corpse conundrum' #really good fic if you like Disco Elysium

[mimicmerchant]

Another year where I technically drew something every month! This time I even posted some of them!!

#my art #art summary #oc #fanart #2023 #2023 art recap #Kai Terranova #karna solara #night owls and summer skies #lancer rpg #Harper Wyzac #AIC #I think that's all my OC tags I'm not sure #I'm bad at tagging things #Anyway maybe the last year with this format I'm getting a little tired of it #but it is very satisfying to look at all my end of year reviews together #herrrmmmm #a conundrum

[wheredidalltheusersgo]

I NEEEEEED to get better at drawing gore and body horror, but I DO NOTTT want to look at references because I'm squeamish

#this is a damn conundrum #I'm in a pickle bro #HOW WILL DOUBLE DON BE REAL IF I CAN'T GET GROTESQUE WITH MY ARTTTTTTT #BITES THE WALLS

[andersdotters]

Zhongli and pda don't belong in the same sentence.

#genshin x reader #zhongli #can you picture that old man hugging anyone or holding their hand? no #the most he'd do is offer you his arm let's be real #this conundrum has gotten in the way of me trying to understand how a romance with him would work #he has a wall up and he's not physically affectionate #that being said? #if you get him laughing heartily enough i can see him taking your face and kissing it #in that 'youre so endearing' amused sense #which is odd because he's no pda but then random kiss? #this is the first in my physically touchy vs physically affectionate series #it's uhhhh off to a bad start i'm not in the mood to make the post portion substantial #zhongli is neither physically touchy nor physically affectionate #if you want a range.... #physically touchy and affectionate: bennett #physically touchy but not affectionate: tighnari #physically not touchy but affectionate: thoma #most boys belong in the physically not touchy but slightly affectionate category #'slightly affectionate' having multiple meanings #if you want anyone specific feel free to send in an ask

[thefiresofpompeii]

STOP RETCONNING. STOP IT. CEASE. I BEG. big confused screaming rant in tags

#i know this is the retcon show so i'm speaking to a brick wall in the past #but. it lessens the impact. gallifrey burned. you didn't fucking freeze it you destroyed your people to save the universe #none of this makes sense. if the war doctor (whose entire existence is. a conundrum to me. it should have been 8 anyway) didn't destroy his #people then the other doctors wouldn't have developed the personalities they have. nothing would have happened the way that it did #even bad wolf probably wouldn't mean anything to ten because nine wouldn't have ever met rose #because he would never have been nine????? one too many questions #literally taking out a HUGE chunk of your character development. 10 minutes ago clara was discussing this with war. how many lives have #been saved because of the doctor's regret #where would all that go? i know time is in flux but surely it can't sustain all this #surely the stars would start blinking out one by one like they did in NOTD #and the big bang. my god my head is spinning. you have like ten minutes to resolve this pyramid of bullshit you've constructed #dw #jamie catches up #the day of the doctor #jamie.txt

[khruschevshoe]

Being a true galaxy-brained Doctor Who fan is hitting the epiphany that every showrunner had their strengths and their weaknesses and their own interpretations of the Doctor and you can like or dislike any aspect of any showrunner and acknowledge their genuine mistakes/bad choices/yikes decisions (such as racism, sexism, homophobia, questionable undertones, lack of agency for female characters, etc.) and it is COMPLETELY VALID to have that turn you off of a Doctor/showrunner but also acknowledge that some of the things that people have considered bad writing over the years are often personal preference (valid opinion, not always valid fact) and that just as there are clunkers in every season, there's something to appreciate about every showrunner and every Doctor.

After all, "The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant."

#listen i am in my doctor who renaissance and i love every doctor in their own ways and dislike/like every writer for at least one thing #not a fan of how steven moffat stripped amy & river of agency but loved the fairytale vibes & heaven sent & a Christmas Carol and Bill #adored the character writing for nine and ten and their companions but you cannot ignore a lot of the antiblack writing for RTD #love the stripped back/intimate storytelling of Season 11 & the Graham&Ryan arc & the writing of 13 as a character but Thasmin is underdone #& boy is that Nazi moment with the Master all kinds of screwed up #every actor to play a companion or a doctor is amazing #I'm a big fan of some of the “worst” episodes #love & monsters end of the world tsuranga conundrum resolution curse of the black spot my beloved #and really don't like some of the more popular episodes #wedding of river song time of the doctor twice upon a time girl in the fireplace etc. #but it's all personal preference #every doctor has some of the best episodes television has ever produced #it takes you away midnight heaven sent last of the time lords 3 parter boom town parting of the ways god complex vincent & the doctor #this is a show designed to be amazing and terrible and campy and episodic and constantly renewing itself and constantly trying new things #and I LIKE THAT #I LOVE THAT #ninth doctor #tenth doctor #eleventh doctor #twelfth doctor #thirteenth doctor #russell t davies #steven moffat #chris chibnall #meta

[silenthill2ps2]

heyyy al a question do you think fiona sees daniella and is like, I can fix her ?

this is a good question cuz i think it takes wayyyy longer for fiona to warm up to daniella considering. well everything but i feel like she would figure out her origins and that would change her opinion on her. i do think their relationship would still be tense though but the two of them eventually set aside their differences for the sake of daniella lives au #feminism

#asks #circe #i'm working on a super long fic that explores this very conundrum but don't expect it anytime soon #yes it will be yuriful

[crowjodojocasahouse]

why is tygra from thundercats kinda gender tho

#i'm having a conundrum #because i very clearly remember watching this show #but i dont remember if i was watching the 80s original or the 2011 reboot #i honestly think it's a bit of both #because i remembered lion-o looking like the 80s version #but i remember the 2011 version of tygra #thundercats