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#Physical constraints
grinchwrapsupreme · 2 months
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being super normal about White calling Billy "a dreamer"after the events of Maybe No Go
#truly alarming amount of tags on this post don't click read more fr#the venture bros#pete white#bily quizboy#billy whalen#idk man the way they balance each other is really interesting#the things they agree on and disagree on are almost arbitrary#'you can't put mouthwash in a cookie' 'trust me' vs 'we should spend 10 mil on a motorcycle instead of housing' 'that's such a cool idea'#billy trying to pep white up about the ball#'this was your dream too' like come on dude when have pete's dreams ever worked out#when have yours#'what are we gonna do now billy?' 'we'll cross that bridge when we come to it'#baby the bridge has never been more present#ALSO white calling billy the dreamer when HE'S the one who pushes so hard for things#billy has dreams that might not be realistic but they give him hope and he works around the way the world works to make things happen#like being a self-taught surgeon and believing in a magic ball#pete has dreams IN SPITE of what is realistic and he will mold reality to be what he wants in order to make it happen#like fixing the quizshow and pretty much everything that happened in invisible hand of fate#and they both have disabilities that affect them in vastly different ways and impact their relationship with realistic goals#like billy's hydrocephalus being presented to the audience as mostly a social issue for him and the hand and eye being marks of trauma#rather than like an actual block for him beyond needing to tune the hand up every now and then#vs white's albinism making him physically unable to be in direct sunlight and making him actively fearful of doing certain things and#being certain places#to be clear i know the actual effects of hydrocephalus as well as the hand and eye but this is based on how the show presents it#like billy took these things about himself into account and went ok these are part of my reality and i will work with them#and pete took his reality and went ok i will cover it up with fake tan and wigs or sunscreen and hats and make reality what i want it to be#and that's what makes them a good team!! that's why they science together well#it's also why they argue so much#accepting reality and playing within its constraints vs hating reality and changing it to suit you#these are the hallmarks of scientific progress
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trans-axolotl · 1 year
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hi Elliott! will your psych survivor zine be printed physically? the library I'm working at is opening a zine library (at some point) and I would love to include it in the purchasing list if possible. we just can't print everyone's zines for them.
I have been tasked with outreach and I don't think my bosses understand it will all just be queer, mad, and anarchist literature if I can get away with it lmao
thank you! your work is important and deserves to be read by many.
it will be published physically as well as digitally! im currently formatting it to send off to our printers so i will update when it's available <3 also your zine library sounds so cool i love it. yay for queer mad anarchist zines!
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divinekangaroo · 2 months
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I think I posted about getting a Remarkable? Worst name ever I feel embarrassed even writing it so I will call it the rmk.
it’s surprisingly pleasant to use as that infinite notebook, and I’ve found it astoundingly useful at work, like writing/drawing/mapping matrix shit out (or difficult emails) before going to computer.
for writing, though, I’m of two minds. I picked an old concept one shot (a 9k txl) and managed to long-hand write a full zero draft soooo easily. No distraction, good flow, no pain; the ability to add notes at random times; the ability to add a sentence or two in boring overlong meetings…so the zero draft one shot felt like a pure success, such absolute ease of writing. but then I get stuck: the only thing I can do to get that draft a step closer to a post is fully re-type it out on the computer, which took me three of my available night blocks anyway and with very little improvement/edit.
I could possibly improve my handwriting, ‘text to type’ it in the rmk, then email my computer a PDF and copy-paste into word…but then I’m stuck on the computer again anyway.
I could ‘text to type’ it in the rmk and *only* edit it within the rmk , then do the pdf copy-paste only when I’m ready to post - but tbh the editing capabilities for word processing are fairly poor.
and then comes the issue of multichaps. I thought, ‘all right, my handwritings a lost cause on this one for text to type to test that ‘edit and finalise on rmk’ workflow…so let’s try fixing one of these languishing unfinished chapters I have…’ but I can’t get an editable doc from computer to rmk. Only PDF. So I’m not gonna fully re write something just to edit it on the rmk, and you can’t split screen so you can’t even flick back and forth to make that rewrite on the device easier.
then the final issue being, I have no idea how you’d actually write a multichap on this, because I neeeeed to flick back and forth. Does this idea belong here or there or in the future? Did I say that already? Idek! And so again: limited ability to deal with complex story structures.
so yeah, a success at work, a success at actually giving me *back* some time for writing (it’s such a delightfully comfortable thing to use with longhand, and that zero draft really was a fluid pleasure to write - can use at playground, at table, on couch watching kids) but *only* limited to well defined, well visualised one-shots that can be zero-drafted, and at some point there’s a duplication of effort or a transfer barrier that causes delay anyway.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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I honestly don't know if I could have earned my undergrad degree if not for YouTube teaching videos and text to speech features for reading pdfs
#i just cannot read. too dyslexic.#god. if i could read i would be unkillable. i could code. i could learn abt lots of things#u dont understand how discouraging it is to spend hours trying to read a paper and just retaining none of it#i love to learn. i just wish everything with audio. except i also have issues with audio lol so i need the written and the verbal#i was just watching a video on jaccard similarly for a micobial network analysis thing#i spent hours today trying to understand the code description and then i do to a video description of jaccard#and im like oh. that fucking makes sense its just scoring the fucking overlap across samples dumbass#god bless the people making those videos. they got me thru math and chem and cell bio and stats and r coding#if i lived in any pre internet time idk what id do. not be an academic i guess#bc if i had to read physical books i would cry everyday and get no where#sometimes. dyslexia. makes. me. sad.#my dyslexia assessment says im smart when not constrained by language and time. which is like cool. fucking. that's really annoying#i crumble under time constraints and i cant intake or articulate info. great. rip#ugh. annoying. shout out to my dad for afflicting me with this curse. the dyslexia genes r so fucking strong from his family#me. my sisters and my cousin r all varying degrees of dyslexic#if u ask me to read and unknown word aloud its extremely embarrassing. im like a 4 year old guessing at words lol#i have 2 advanced stem degrees and very low reading comprehension#i love to read. i just wish i could read#unrelated
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prettyflyshyguy · 5 months
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goths rejoyce, there's a fuckoff long (fake) peal necklace available at kmart for like $8
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recallback · 1 year
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My stupid ass keeps forgetting I can upload art places other than like three specific discords for more than like 7 people to see. Not that more than 7 people will see here <3 But that's okay, this is for me.
Anyway, I've had the dragon design for Nihil/Nemo kicking around for a while, but I've always drawn it in a style that doesn't really suit the vibe of LOIL with it's intersection between fantasy and horror. So I sketched concepts of a more detailed design, and here's the final result for now!
I'm happy w/ this, only with I'd managed to sneak in details like exposed muscle beneath the Goop.
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unopenablebox · 2 years
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random biology review: the forbidden knowledge of gtpases
GTPases are a category of proteins, mostly all called things like Ras and Rab and Rho, which do a lot of important jobs in cells, including controlling cell shape, protein movements and secretion, and a giant assortment of other things. GTPases are so called because they are activated by binding to a small molecule called GTP. GTPases are regulated by two classes of proteins, called “GAPs” and “GEFs”. GAPs are “GTPase-activating proteins”, which paradoxically turn GTPases off by promoting hydrolysis of the GTP and turning it into useless GDP. This deactivates the GTPase. It is reactivated by a GEF, or guanosine exchange factor, which swaps the GDP for a GTP. This allows the cell to very strictly regulate GTPase function, by controlling where the GEFs vs GAPs are, depleting one or the other, etc., which is important for events that have to happen in the right order or location in the cell.
All this is great.
What are GTPases doing?
A first pass through the literature will find things like “GTPases transduce signals to downstream effectors”-- this means nothing. More specifically, specific GTPases affect particular cellular processes-- RhoA activates cytoskeletal remodeling, Rab7 directs vesicles to the lysosome for destruction. Sure. How are they doing that?
Well, they interact with other proteins that have effects! For example, Rab7 interacts with proteins with such enlightening names as “Rab7-interacting lysosomal protein”. Also retromer, which is admittedly cooler. RhoA, in a more useful example, interacts with ROCK. ROCK is a kinase that adds phosphate groups to cytoskeletal proteins like myosins, causing them to change shape and thus pull on the cytoskeleton differently.
You will notice that my explanation of what ROCK does had a lot of specificity. Proteins are physical objects that do their jobs through physical actions, so it’s important to understand what physical events are happening to them! I didn’t say ROCK “interacts with” myosin-- it adds a particular chemical attachment that changes the charge of the target protein, and thus alters how the target protein is shaped and can move. This is exactly the kind of explanation that review articles and book chapters about GTPases will not give you, no matter what.
It is apparently vitally important to the GTPase-discussing cell biologists of the world that nobody ever get too specific about what a GTPase actually does to any other protein while it is “activated”. Does it bind to another protein and hold it in a certain position or location? Does it add a chemical group to a protein? Does it rearrange lipid or sugar attachments? Does it change another protein’s shape? Does it bring two proteins together? Who are they to say?
If you hunt down-- not review articles on GTPase function or regulation, or general reviews about any given GTPase’s effects, these are useless. Not even most research articles allegedly about an experiment on a particular GTPase doing a particular job, even these will not help you. Only if you hunt down a paper that is about a specific experiment someone did on a protein that is bound by a GTPase, but is not, itself, advertised as being about that GTPase, only then may it tell you that GTPases: bind their targets.
More specifically, when GTPases are in the “bound to GTP” shape, they usually do some combination of “sticking to something so another nearby protein can do something to it”, “sticking to something to bring two vesicles in proximity”, and “sticking to one part of a protein, such that that part can no longer block the other half of the target protein from doing its job”. You would think that these possibilities could be listed, in words, when one writes articles or book chapters exclusively dedicated to describing the functions of GTPases, and how they affect other proteins and processes carried out by those proteins. I, for instance, appear to have just done so. I am, admittedly, only about 80% confident in my explanation, because it is apparently a secret, but I am allegedly an expert on cell biology and I am confident that I am at least pretty close.
I cannot begin to imagine why we play so coy about this concept, but I hope you appreciate the unspeakable GTPase facts that I have, at last, dared to speak.
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junglizt · 7 months
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Being able to play card games online (Yu-Gi-Oh, Magic The Gathering etc) is actually one of the biggest breakthroughs in gaming. As a kid you’ve always wanted to play against people who weren’t physically there and these days you can do just that. Incredible stuff tbh 😂
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xamaxenta · 9 months
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I have tennis elbow and a knot in my shoulder from this ace piece 😭😭 i havw to give up for today
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januaryembrs · 3 months
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TROUBLE ALMOST ALL MY LIFE | Spencer Reid x Prentiss!Reader
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Description: The ONE time the BAU needs you + the FOUR times you need them.
word count: 24k (what on earth was I thinking)
trigger warnings: mentions of spencers addictions + use + side affects. MOMMY ISSUES thankyou ambassador Prentiss. hostage scene + injuries. mentions of forced/pressured marriage. fem!reader. reader and Emily struggle to bond.
next chpt.
main masterlist.
authors note: We never meet Emily's dad nor do we see a picture so while reader is given a nickname of Bugsy, she still keeps her real name (no use of y/n) and is given ZERO physical descriptors. ALL of my fem!readers should feel included here, let me know if this is not the case! also I don't speak any language besides English however she does speak many because of her mom, so I really tried to get it right, message me if I'm being stupid!!
[this] means its spoken in another language.
‘trouble on my left, trouble on my right,
I’ve been facing trouble almost all my life’
1. the one where you become a translator.
“I’ll make some calls, I may still have some friends in the Eastern countries,” Ambassador Prentiss announced to the room, standing from her place on the plush sofa. 
A case had landed quite literally in Emily’s lap when her mother had come by that morning asking for Hotch, a Russian migrant looking for her father with a ransom note and a sliced off finger shoved through her mailbox, wedding ring still attached. 
It wasn’t every day Emily wished she’d brushed up on her Russian, but today of all days she was struggling to keep up. 
“We don’t have much time, we need a division of labour,” Hotch’s serious face settled, the time constraints making him just that bit more dictatorial, “Morgan, someone needs to go to the Chernus’s house in Baltimore in case they are contacted again,” 
“What about the language barrier?” Derek raised, smoothing a hand over the short scruff of his beard, “We can’t have the unsub speaking with the family directly. He could say anything to them without us knowing,” 
Bugsy would hate to admit she fit the criteria for youngest daughter of a workaholic mother and distant father to a tea, but Emily would say different. 
Elizabeth Prentiss had never been a warm woman; Emily used to tell her the scowl was a side effect of the overplucking of her eyebrows, not the serious nature of her job. Her youngest girl once said her mother’s lips looked like she’d sucked a lemon. Of course they admired her work, but world peace meant jack shit to a little girl wanting nothing more than a mother’s hug. 
Despite the fact she’d pushed away her husband and both her daughters in favour of her career, the one useful thing about being the Ambassador’s daughter wasn’t just the money, but the widespread culture the girls had been crammed full of since they could so much as beg for a sippy cup. 
“Baltimore, you say?” Emily asked Hotch with a somewhat doubtful wince, “I mean you could always-”
“Absolutely not,” Her mother cut her off, rubbing the stress lines already creasing her forehead at the very notion of her other daughter, despite the fact Emily hadn’t even finished her thought.
Emily’s sigh was a reflex, the years of her mother cutting her off sparking the frustration on instinct. 
“She lives right in the city, Mother, it can’t hurt to have her just talk for them-” Emily tried to bargain, only for the sharp mouthed Ambassador shoot her a frown. 
“End of discussion, Emily,” Elizabeth snipped, her manicured fingernails twitching with annoyance, “Your sister is much too young for an assignment so serious,”
Emily rolled her eyes with a scoff, as if the two had slipped back into the role of rebellious teenager and scathing mother without much thought. 
“She's twenty-two, mom. She’s getting her masters degree for Christ sakes, she’s not ‘too young’,” The dark headed woman fought back, clicking her pen a few times as if the spring loaded ink would take away some of the temper Elizabeth seemed to flare up. 
Her mother’s lips pursed, in the way Bugsy hated, in the way that meant she was going to be mean.
“Immature may have been a better word, then,” She replied, and Emily seemed to pause. She couldn’t argue with that. “Or perhaps lazy, or puerile; callow, wild, irresponsible. Would you like me to name more?” 
“Asinine would be a good term; deriving from the Latin asinus it not only means foolish, but to be stubborn and lazy like an ass,” Spencer input helpfully to the Ambassador, only for his bright smile to fade when he saw the daggers Emily stared at him with, “Sorry, I love word games,” He muttered into his lap. 
“Asinine. Perfect, Dr Reid,” Elizabeth said, and Emily could only roll her eyes harder.
Hotch huffed, the victim’s daughter watching between the two women’s quarrel with wet eyes, the ice box with her father’s finger clenched tightly in her lap, the cold of the limb bleeding into his own gaze.
“Unfortunately, Ambassador Prentiss, despite just how asinine your daughter might be, Morgan is right. Having the Unsub possibly speaking with the family without us understanding what he’s saying could prove fatal,” He explained, ignoring the way the older woman’s mouth scrunched in bitterness. They didn’t need to be profilers to see that despite how tempered the relationship between Emily and her mother was, a tension seemed to fall between the women the moment the younger Prentiss was mentioned. 
Spencer was sure he was the only person who even knew Emily had a little sister. 
“Very well, but don’t be surprised when you find your hands full of the girl,” Elizabeth said with a shake of her head as she led the victims, a mother and daughter that seemed to cling to one another for comfort as if to rub salt in her matriarchal wound, into the break room to get away from the frosty atmosphere that now lingered around the table.
Emily sighed, picking around her fingernails the way she did when she was bothered. 
“I’m going to hate these next words that are gonna come out of my mouth,” She started with a long exhale, “But my mother’s right. Bugsy is a handful. Just try not to get her wound up, that girl smells fear,” She looked to Reid who seemed none the wiser, “I’m talking to you, wonder boy. She’ll eat you up and spit you right back out,” 
Spencer gulped quietly. 
Derek only chuckled, slapping a hand down onto Emily’s shoulder, “Relax, Prentiss. Your mom’s just got you all worried. Need I remind you I grew up with two sisters? This will be a piece of cake,”
Those were the famous last words of Derek Morgan. 
Loud, heavy metal music jumped through the wooden door, so loud Morgan worried his three polite knocks would go unheard as the two of them waited outside her dorm for her to answer. Morgan was about to knock again, figuring the music had drowned out the first lot, when the door swung open and a frown the spitting image of Emily’s stressed expression met their gaze. 
She looked so different to their Prentiss, but the way she seemed already scorned by the two of them told them they had the right woman. 
“Miss Prentiss?” Morgan asked formally, though he felt the warmth grow when he caught sight of a beat up friendship bracelet around her wrist amongst newer gold chains, five white blocks spelling out her sister’s name pulling tight on her skin, as if she’d quickly outgrown the thing but hadn’t the heart to remove it. 
It was then that he and Reid seemed to both reel back slightly at the fact she was standing in a large shirt, ratty around the edges, and what seemed to be a pair of men's boxers covering her bottom half, clearly not suspecting particularly important visitors. 
She looked him head to toe with a frown, a dozen piercings in her ears, her hair highlighted with streaks of cardinal red, as if he was the one confronting her in his underwear, before she moved onto Spencer, who’s face seemed to be getting hotter by the second as he forced his eyes away from her bare legs. 
“Are you guys strippers? Did someone send strippers to my door?” She asked, strawberry gum smacking between her lips as her gaze seemed to finish mulling over Spencer’s tall form and returned to Morgan.
“Emily sent us.” Reid said shortly, the music blaring in his ears making it difficult to focus on what it was she was saying, “As co-workers, no-not strippers. We’re with the FBI,” 
He hated loud noises anyway, cringed at the sound of particularly cutting rock songs, but since he’d developed his … problem, the dilaudid had him feeling like someone was clawing at his skull, tugging his brain through his ears.
“Emily sent you here?” She asked with a scoff, looking the two up and down again. They both easily caught the way her face hardened, “Are pigs flying today or something?” 
“We’re here to ask for your help on a case,” Spencer rushed through a sweaty brow, “Emily said you’d be able to act as a translator for us and some Russian citizens who are being targeted,” 
She sighed sceptically, crossing her arms and leaning against the door frame, “Any strippers or non-strippers can fraud an ID. Emily’s name was in the paper just the other week. I’m gonna need a little more than that,”
She keeps track of her sister despite the supposed distance between them. Spencer was quick to profile, his mind whirring at all the ways she reminded him of her sister down to the way she raised her eyebrows expectantly at them. 
“Emily was born October twelfth, 1970 at 7:12am, graduated from Garfield High School in 1989,” Spencer said as if reporting the weather, her eyes narrowing in on him all the more coldly, “She attended Chesapeake Bay University and speaks six languages, as I expect you do from moving so often with your mother. She coined your nickname Bugsy from your childhood love of ladybugs, which she said you grew out of by the time you turned eleven yet the name stuck, though you still like counting the spots to identify their species. Your parents split when you were five and your father moved in with his now wife, born September ninth-”
“Alright- alright. What are you, living in her walls?” She interrupted incredulously, before turning her attention to Derek who seemed to hide a chuckle with a cough. “Either you really are a stripper or you’re a terrible friend,”
“She loves Kurt Vonnegut,” Derek held his finger as if to prove her entirely wrong, although not much else came to him. Maybe he was a bad friend, he thought guiltily, or maybe he simply lacked an eidetic memory like the wonder boy next to him, who had been about to tell her how old she was when Emily’s pet betta fish died, “Slaughterhouse 5?”
Rolling her eyes, she grunted at them, kicking her door open for them to enter. 
“Everyone loves Vonnegut; only losers under a rock dislike Vonnegut,” She drawled, edging back into her room, the heavy bass rock growing in volume as they followed her in, “I’ll be ready in a second- Emily’s always bugging me about wearing pants,” She said vaguely, scanning around the dirty dorm, until she found one particular pair of jeans laying half under her bed, quickly yanking them up her legs. “Come in, come in.” 
She flicked the speakers way down to which Spencer took a breath of relief. His eyes fell to the laptop that had been set up on her desk, the five different textbooks littered around the spare space, energy drinks and empty mugs filling the cracks where he could barely see the generic white of the table top, his nose crinkling. About as gross as he’d expect from a college student. 
“Emily said your Russian was pretty good,” Derek made conversation, his eyes wandering over the various posters plastered over her walls, some fraying round the edges from where she had likely been moved from bedroom to bedroom when the Prentiss’s inevitably had to move country again. 
“Yeah,” She snarked, pulling a nicer top over her head, “Kinda tends to happen when you live in Russia,”
Morgan raised his eyebrows to Spencer who seemed to give him the same look back, though the latter was biting back a snicker at her words. 
How in the hell was she the Ambassador’s daughter?
“This all involves Russian Mafia, it’s really beefed up here the last ten years or so,” Agent Cramer, a tall, slim man who looked entirely overwhelmed by the workload on his shoulders reported, as she listened intently. 
She had been somewhat de-briefed in the car, Emily messaging her for the first time since Christmas, the message a simple: “Have you met with Morgan and Reid yet? Make sure to put on pants,” to which she sent her a thumbs up emoji. She didn’t have much to say to her at the moment, barely even knew her sister anymore. 
“It started off mainly in New York and LA but they send lieutenants from the old country,” Cramer went on, and she caught Reid scratching his arm beneath his shirt. She knew it was mozzy weather, and he was already under the blaring sun in a little sweater, it wouldn’t surprise her if he felt a bit prickly. 
“Pahkans,” She interrupted, the man named Gideon shooting her a glance as she dug through her purse. 
“Your Mom do much work about the Mafia?” He asked, as she produced a clear nail varnish. 
“Here and there, I had to sit with her in her office for a whole Summer once when I got caught sneaking out. Picked up a few things, though,” She said, holding the polish out to Spencer, nodding to his arm, “Here. Supposed to help bug bites,”
He looked at her as if he wanted to say something, perhaps question her sources for such an old wives tale, but he stopped himself quickly, taking the varnish out of her hand with a dejected nod. 
“Thankyou,” He muttered, shoving it in his pocket. 
Three months he’d been in this rabbit hole. She had noticed it in a matter of hours. 
“They open up branch offices in other cities. Baltimore, Saint Louis, Chicago, Dallas, the list goes on,” Cramer added, nodding at her words, “They’re mainly offshoots of the Odessa Mafia and they’re especially tough to crack from a law enforcement standpoint. I mean beside being well organised with sophisticated technical equipment, there’s Vory v Zakone to contend with,” 
“The thieves code, eighteen principles they live by,” Reid jumped in before she could, to which she nodded as Gideon looked to her for more. 
“It means ‘thief in law’, or ‘thief with code’. It's a system of repeatedly jailed convicts that have been crowned or ‘made’ with a strict list of ideals, breaking them usually means death,” She explained, kicking a stone between her feet. 
“It’s like bible to these guys. We’re not gonna be turning any of them informer anytime soon,” Cramer said. Gideon seemed to tune the three of them out however, his gaze locking on the house across the street, where a curtain twitched, and a man’s face appeared in the window, watching the crime scene with guilt. 
“Then we’ll need a witness who will talk,” Gideon replied, heading straight towards the neighbour who seemed just a little too invested in what was happening, much more than a concerned third party should be. Though, she had barely noticed, digging through her purse once more for chapstick. 
“So, you study Russian or something?” Cramer asked as she applied it gently, Spencer swore he could smell the cherry flavour from where he stood beside her. 
“I lived in Moscow until I was six, moved back to France, then back to Italy, then Algeria for a bit. Bounced around Europe for a bit longer, but I still speak better Russian than anything else,” She clarified, and she saw Cramer’s eyebrows shoot up, “Military brat except I don’t get the cool discount at the store,” 
“You must have had a lot of friends though, going to so many schools,” Spencer added, and though there was nothing teasing about his tone, she laughed sharply anyway. 
“You’re funny,” She snarked, but smiled at him anyway.
Spencer had never been called funny in his life. ‘Funny looking’, ‘funny sounding’ maybe, but never funny. 
In fact he was so confused by what she had meant, whether it had been a taunt or genuine that he almost missed the sound of the whole street locking their front doors, dead bolting their lives away when a black prius, an expensive one at that, pulled through the street and swerved into park next to them. 
“Guess who,” Cramer bit, her eyes ripping away from where Gideon had the door slammed in his face. 
Detective Cramer aged by about five years when two tall men got out of the luxury car, opening the door for a shorter man in the back seat, their faces thunder. 
“You familiar with them?” She asked, shoulder brushing against Spencer as she turned to watch the men approach, entirely aware of the .9mm on each of their hips. 
“Arseny Lysowsky,” The detective identified, his voice cold, eyeing the two men who flanked the leader, towering over them. 
“Agent Cramer, how are you?” Lysowsky smiled at him, which oddly enough seemed somewhat real, as he also took stock of the three other people around him. His eyes lingered on her for a moment, noting her lack of gun and badge, trying to decipher if she was local or just a very unprepared fed. 
“Lysowsky, what brings you out?” Cramer asked, a tightness to his tone, his hand all too eager to grab his own pistol. 
“I heard Chernuses had problems,” He kept it vague, didn’t reveal too much, and looked back at the victim’s house with a scorned frown. 
“How did you hear that?” Gideon challenged, stance unwavering as the mob leader turned to meet his cold gaze. 
“And you are?” He asked, a sinister smile on his face that flipped her stomach. She didn’t like the tension that had overcome the little patch of sidewalk they took up, and she was quick to notice how Spencer moved towards her. 
He, by far, wasn’t the best shot on the team, but he was sure Hotch and Prentiss would have his and Morgan’s heads if any harm came to her. 
“Churneses said they hadn’t told anyone,” Agent Gideon ignored his question, hands firmly planted on his hips. If he was unnerved by the criminal in front of him, he never showed it, not even when Lysowsky’s grin widened horribly. 
“It is a small community. Word gets out,” He said simply, looking past him to the neighbours house that had kicked Gideon to the curb, “Are you a friend of Gorban’s?”
A second of silence passed between them, neither of them backing down from the moral standoff they’d engaged in. 
“Mr Gorban wouldn’t talk to me,” Gideon admitted, and Arseny only smiled again, flicking a look at the house behind him, as if hearing his dog had obeyed without command. 
“Would you like me to talk to him for you?” The threat was there clear as day, clear enough to have Gideon’s eyes narrow, “I can’t promise something will come of it,” 
“You!” In a second, Natalya, the victim she’d briefly met when Morgan had pulled up around an hour before, had stormed out of her house, her black kitten heels clicking against the concrete, “Where’s my father? He has my father!” 
“Wait a minute,” Derek called, restraining her where she stood, trying to pull his muscled arm from her shoulder, “Do you know he has your father?” 
“He’s responsible for all of this,” She spat, her eyes cold as she glared at the three men with vitriol hate, “Why everyone’s afraid, him and his animals,” She threw a hand up to his bodyguards that seemed barely contained by Cramer’s silencing hand. 
“I am only here to help,” Lysowsky replied, confident and calm in his words, though not as taunting as the agents would have thought, as if he truly cared for her.
A vast difference to the sadistic mob boss Cramer’s team had painted him to be. 
“Help?” She laughed woefully, tears in her eyes, “You’re a dog,” 
“Natalya,” Arseny said in a warning, the way a teacher would to a student, as her breath rattled in her chest through a weep. 
“How exactly can you help them?” Bugsy braved to speak, Gideon and Reid both flashing her a look. She’d always had trouble holding her tongue. 
Lysowsky turned his attention to her then, his eyes running down her figure, still deciphering whether she was armed; she looked much too young to be an agent. 
“In any way that they’d like me to, darling,” He replied, the disdain in her frown clearly not deterring him in the slightest, though again the act of concern held up in his own grimace, “As I said this is a small community. If one is in pain, we’re all in pain.”
Natalya weeped behind Morgan, sniffling as the boss made his way over to her, “Natalya, [you didn’t have to bring in outsiders],” 
The younger woman’s ears pricked up as he spoke in his native language, Spencer’s eyes flicking to her from behind his sunglasses. 
“[Let me help you],” He continued, taking a step towards Natalya, unthreatening yet she saw Morgan tense, his fingers twitching towards his gun. 
“[My family will never come to you for help],” Natalya hissed back, also in Russian, her face contorted in disgust, “[Get away from my house],” 
“[You are not right, Natalya],” He replied, yet again the concern in his eyes was either genuine or very well faked, “[You have made the wrong decision],” 
Taking a step away from the victim that wept with a scorned sneer, he looked back to the agents, noting the way the youngest of them glared at him hotly, before retreating to his car. 
“What did he say? Did he threaten you, Natalya?” Morgan asked, the woman watching the group of men drive away, as if Mr Chernus wasn’t still missing and they hadn’t just bumped themselves up to number one of the suspects list. “Talk to us and we can do something about it,”
“He said I made the wrong decision,” She said wetly, frustration turning on Derek as he pushed her for an answer, “I hope I didn’t,” 
With that she stormed off back into her house, the same stomping of her kitten heels in her wake, leaving the agents to all look between one another before they simultaneously turned to look at Bugsy, questions hovering on all of their lips. 
“What did he say exactly?” Gideon asked without frills, a hand rubbing his brow. Relaying the information, the men’s faces all drew into frowns as they heard Lysowsky’s parting statement. Gideon huffed, turning to Morgan and gesturing for him to follow Natalya inside. 
“Morgan, keep an eye on her, Reid and I are going to Cramer’s office to look over the files,” He looked at her then, worry lines littering his otherwise friendly face, damn near scowling as she looked over at him, “You are here to interpret, you understand? You do not speak to the suspects, that’s our job.” He growled, watching her with disappointment, the same tone a father used when scolding a petulant child, “Do you have any idea how much danger you could put yourself in? These guys won’t hesitate to take you out the second we’re not around, kid,” 
“But-” She started with a bite, though her whole fight left her when he silenced her with a raised hand. 
“Buts are for cigarettes, kiddo,” He interrupted, and Spencer winced slightly, knowing he’d heard that one a few hundred times when he’d first started under Gideon and had yet to mature entirely. Reid watched something rebellious flare in her eyes, and he worried for a moment she might just slap his boss for the patronising tone he took, “Just keep your mouth shut, you’re doing great so far,” 
She opened her mouth to protest, only to then register his words entirely and stay silent once more, appreciating his praise with a guilty smile. For once, she listened. 
The grandfather clock chimed to tell them it was merely 11am; two hours until the unsub would start cutting more if they didn’t get the ransom fee, two hours to figure out who wanted Natalya’s family to suffer. 
Said woman paced her living room at the sound of the hour, as Bugsy picked over the knick knacks on her fireplace, a small smile teasing her lips when she saw a picture of three small children grinning toothily at the camera. 
She had never gotten any photo’s similar, Emily being fourteen years older. The majority of their childhood photos consisted of a very grumpy teenager holding her baby sister that seemed to squirm in the tight, formal dresses Elizabeth Prentiss had forced them into, identical scowls on their faces as they were made to sit for the picture. 
There were some good memories, ones where Emily let herself be a sister and not a mom, where she would put makeup on her for fun and do her hair, let her have all the clothes out her wardrobe she thought looked nice, reading to her before bed, even letting her sister keep her pet corn snake when she left home for good. 
But now, it seemed like she was too caught up in her super serious grown up job to give a shit that her sister lived just an hour away. Still messaged each other for holidays, but the last few times she’d braved a call to the eldest Prentiss, it had gone unanswered. They argued the majority of the time they spoke, or there was an awkward long silence in between words, whichever was worse, but they each knew the other would come running if they were to ever need them so desperately. 
“Are you hungry? I could make something?” Natalya offered kindly, Derek having a poke through her collection of books that sat on the end table, though he’d have a tough job reading them as she’d already caught most of them were in her home language. 
“Oh, no thanks. I’m fine,” He replied with a small smile, putting down the books to calm the clearly on edge woman that looked to the twenty-something year old hopefully. 
She shook her head, “I’m good, thanks,” which seemed to deflate her entirely as she sat next to Derek with a sigh.
“I guess I’m like my mother. When she’s upset, she cooks,” Natalya said with a sad huff of a laugh, running a hand through her short, dark hair. 
“Yeah, mine does too. I think that’s just a mom thing,” He replied, and Bugsy felt the two of them look at her as her finger traced the old brass ornaments gently, “How about you, baby Prentiss?” 
She snorted, “You’re kidding, right?” smiling bitterly, “My mom never cooked for us, she said we needed to figure it out for ourselves rather than relying on the staff. Didn’t stop her from trying to end world hunger though,” 
It wasn’t lost to Morgan the way her eyes trained on the picture of Natalya and her mother, cuddled together with genuine love in their embrace, the snarky humour as she spoke, the same longing Emily seemed almost too good at hiding from them. 
“Your mother is a great woman,” Natalya complimented, though she missed the way the girl’s face steeled over, chewing her bottom lip as if to stop herself from snapping at the woman who meant well. She said nothing. “Where is your mother?” She turned her attention back to Derek who seemed the more talkative of the two of them. 
“Chicago. That’s where I’m from,” He replied, watching Bugsy turn away from the two of them to inspect more of the Chernus’s trinkets on their walls. 
“I’m from Dolgoprudny. Just North of Moscow.” Natalya replied. Opening her mouth to add something else, she was cut off by a knock at the door and the three of them froze in their place. 
“Are you expecting someone?” Morgan asked Natalya in a hushed tone, reaching for his gun and heading for the door. 
She shook her head, “No,” She whispered back. Morgan pulled the curtain back the smallest inch to see a small blonde boy staring back, a box in his hands and a bored look on his face. 
It all happened too fast from there, Natalya opening the door for the neighbourhood kid, opening the box to see a decapitated ear, the blood fresh and pooling in the bottom of the box. It couldn’t have been taken longer than an hour or so ago, unless they were keeping the parts on ice. 
Bugsy’s hand slapped over her mouth, Natalya’s scream piercing through her as she shoved the box into Derek’s hands, fleeing to the toilet, and she heard the woman retching. Part of her felt the same nausea settle in her stomach, looking away from the body part with a wince as Derek got straight on the phone to Gideon. 
“They didn’t wait, man. They sent a box with-” He swallowed thickly, “With Mr Chernus’s ear inside.”
Gideon replied, and whatever it was, it had Derek looking back to her. He agreed, hanging up the phone and rooting through his pockets, producing a set of rattling keys, holding them out for you between the tips of his fingers. 
“Gideon wants you, kid. He said they’re at the Little Kiev restaurant, they’re going to talk to Lysowsky,” Morgan said, grimacing as he held the ear away from her, “You sure you’ll be okay to drive?” 
“I’d rather be on the road than look at what’s in that box,” She said in disgust, taking the keys and heading out to the car.
She thought it best for everyone she didn’t tell him she hadn’t yet got her licence as she made her way over to the restaurant. 
-
“Reid and I will do the talking, just see if anything he’s saying connects with Vory v zakone, think you got that?” Gideon instructed her the second she got out of the car, taking the keys and handing them back to Reid who gave her a small nod. 
“We think the reason it was Mr Chernus who was targeted has something to do with the code,” Reid explained, his hands in his pockets as the three of them approached the restaurant, “You said earlier you understood the tenants,” 
“Why me, though? I thought I was just translating?” She repeated Gideon’s earlier words, almost cocky that they needed her.
“Lysowsky would feel the need to show face in front of men like Morgan and Cramer, even in front of Natalya since she lives locally. Between the three of us, he had less reputation to uphold, less so with a young woman like yourself,” Reid added, holding the door open for her to go in front. 
And so there she was, trailing behind Gideon and Reid over to where Lysowsky sipped a spoonful of borscht, as she tried not to marvel at the grandeur of the establishment inside. Clearly, Arsney had money to build a place like this, and wasn’t afraid to be flashy about it either, that much was apparent from the other clientele that tended to their beers around their own tables, Rolex watches and designer shoes adorning nearly every one of them. She hated to think of how many ears or fingers those suits had cost. 
“Would you like something to eat?” He asked, a chunk of bread in his hand dipping into the thick sauce, seemingly unbothered that they were there, “This borscht is exquisite, it’s my mother’s old country recipe,” 
“Didn’t you forsake all your relatives when you swore the thieves code?” Reid asked, which she guessed was hit foot in to get Lysowsky to talk. 
“I didn’t forsake her recipes,” Lysowsky replied with a shrug, looking to her where she seemed to be staring at his plate, “Borscht?” 
She shook her head, her nose wrinkling, “Much preferred stroganoff, mom used to force me to have borscht to make sure I ate my veggies,”  
His eyebrows raised, surprise written over his face, before he gave a short laugh. 
“[Where are you from]?” He asked in his mother tongue, gesturing for the three of them to sit down, though his eyes lit up as he watched her carefully. 
“[I was born in DC, but my mother worked in Moscow for a few years],” She answered shortly, and he seemed to find it even funnier that the near child they’d brought along on their case spoke as fluently as he did. 
Laughing with a heavy hand smacking on the table, he gestured to a nearby waiting staff to come over. 
“What are you having then, borscht for the gentle man?” He looked at Reid and Gideon, the former shaking his head while Gideon nodded with an awkward smile. 
“I’d love a taste,” He said, though any enthusiasm seemed to have drained out of his voice. 
“And what is the little lady having?” Lysowsky asked, his eyes falling back to her, as she straightened in her seat. 
She chanced a quick glance to Gideon, who nodded at her to play his game. She had not expected to be so deep in criminal territory when they’d said they needed a translator, and truly they hadn’t planned on getting her in the field until they realised she would know much more about this than they would.
“Do you have sharlotka?” She asked, returning his smile wearily as he clicked at the waiter who all but bolted to the kitchen. 
“A sweet tooth. I like it,” Arseny replied, shovelling a heap of beets into his mouth, “Our favourite was always Leningradsky,”
“Ours?” She prompted, giving a polite thanks to the waiter who returned too quickly with a slice of cake. She caught Spencer glancing at the bowl with intrigue, the hunger clear on the quiet man’s face. Gently pushing the bowl and clean spoon towards him, he flicked a look up at her, “Apple cake,” She whispered, sending him a small smile, “Really yummy with the sugar on top,” 
“Mine and my mother’s,” Arseny replied, though Gideon and Reid both caught how he paused before he replied, as if he had to think about the answer he was giving; the oldest tell that it wasn’t entirely true, “We didn’t have much when I was a boy, but that was always our dessert of choice,” 
She stopped for a mere second, missing the moment when Spencer spooned the tiniest bite of the cake into his mouth, trying to ignore the way his tongue exploded in the sweet, fruit taste. He hadn’t eaten anything properly in days, and maybe that was why it tasted so good, but more likely it was just the fact that everything sweet tasted even better when he was on his come downs. 
“We need to talk, Arseny,” Gideon interrupted, ignoring the way Spencer pined to go back in for a second mouthful, but chose to hand the bowl back to her with a small smile. 
“We are on first name basis?” Lysowsky asked, shaking his head, and she took a small bite of the sweet cake for herself, “I still don’t even know who you are,” 
“I think I understand something about this,” Gideon replied, his thumbs tapping together, the waiter returning with his borscht, “You have a problem,” 
“I do?” The pahkan titled his head at the agent, the annoyance clear on his face. 
“That’s why you came to the Chernus’ house this morning,” Gideon answered, unbothered as he began to scoop the borscht onto the spoon, the apple cake in her own mouth going down a treat. 
She kept her head down, took tiny bites of the dessert that certainly tasted like a fresh baked sharlotka. But her thoughts lingered on what Lysowsky had said, about his own favourite pudding. 
It made no sense that he would have ever tasted Leningradsky shortbread, not for the time that he was born, nor with the amount of money he claimed his family lacked. Infact, the way he fully pronounced his vowels, the akanye, the stress he put on certain parts of his words, all pointed to the same dialect you’d heard back in Moscow, more central than anything else. 
So how on earth would he have eaten the so-called ‘Royal Cake’ that had only been made eight hours from there, in the town it grew its name from. 
There was something glaringly obvious about his story missing. 
“A man like me?” She tuned back into the conversation, swallowing another mouthful down as Gideon took another bite himself, though it seemed the topic had turned sour as Arseny wiped his mouth with the corner of his napkin. 
“Four watchtowers and a convict signifies a stay in prison,” Spencer cut in, nodding towards the tattoos branded across his knuckles, “Each one of those crosses symbolises an individual sentence,” 
“Twenty three years in prison in the Ural mountains,” 
But she was still stuck on what it was she was missing. It had been such an odd thing to lie about, particularly when he’d even admitted himself that they hadn’t had much money, so he clearly hadn’t been lying to fake a reputation. 
So why lie?
She was ripped out of her stumped silence when Natalya entered the restaurant, her voice grabbing the men’s attention immediately. 
“Mr Lysowsky. You said you could help me,” She said, her purse over her shoulder and her own car keys gripped tightly in her hand as if she’d all but thrown herself out the vehicle to get there faster. 
“Don’t you already have help,” Lysowsky snapped, clearly Gideon had dug under his skin enough to garner a reaction. 
“I made a mistake,” Natalya replied, barely meeting Bugsy’s gaze as she stared at her from her seat at the table. “I talked to my father on the phone,” 
The girl frowned at her, “That’s a lie,” It came out before she could hold herself, brows furrowed at whatever it was she was trying to pull. Gideon said her name in a reprimand, though he too was looking at the woman as if she’d grown a second head. 
“Thankyou for coming, but I don’t need your help,” The woman met her confused look with a saddened expression, nodding to her solemnly. 
Leave it alone, she seemed to be saying, there’s nothing more I want you to do. 
And with that, the two of them left the restaurant, Natalya walking by his side obediently, her purse tucked in close under her arm, as Morgan and Cramer filed in from the parking lot, watching their only leads drive away without a fight. 
The team were quick to head back to Natalya’s home, only to find the ear missing and the finger gone too, the only evidence left of any crime being committed leaving with the victim’s daughter herself. 
“She’s not here, and the garbage was never taken out,” Morgan said with a grimace as he walked down the front steps to meet the four of them on the sidewalk. 
“Her dad just went missing, surely we can cut the girl some slack-” Bugsy words were hidden in a huff, rolling your eyes at the man who cut a glance to her. 
“No, no. When Hotch first talked to us, he said she noticed her father’s car in the driveway when she took the garbage out,” Morgan explained, his shades blocking the way the cogs turned behind his dark eyes. 
“Right?” Reid asked, his own sunglasses now covering his eyes that winced at the brightness, surrounding them.
“Garbage can in the kitchen is completely full, she never took it out.” 
“She lied,” Gideon said with finality, the penny beginning to drop for him too. 
“She could be half way back to Dolgo-whatever by now,” Morgan scoffed, his arms smacking against his side as the lightbulb went off over her head, the final puzzle piece falling into place. 
“Dolgoprudny?” Spencer asked, exchanging a glance with Cramer, “Isn’t that where Lysowsky’s from-”
“Yes, YES, of course!” She exclaimed, grabbing onto Spencer’s arm as he spoke. 
He looked at her with wide eyes, not that she could see since his shades blocked the way, only to feel her shake him harder in the midst of her enthusiasm. Part of him wanted to rip his arm out of her grip, waiting for the sickness to crawl up his throat at a strangers germs touching him, but the oddest part of him reasoned she had the same germs as Emily did, that the fifty percent DNA the women shared negated the fact she was a stranger, just as it did when he met Jack. Jack had Hotch germs. Bugsy had Emily’s. He didn’t feel so sick thinking of it like that. 
“I knew I was missing something,” She said, turning to Gideon, “He was lying before, about his favourite dessert. There was no way he could have had Leningradsky with his mother. Given his age, at that time in Soviet Russia, shortbread was incredibly expensive, only extremely wealthy families could have eaten it. That, and given the Central dialect he speaks in, I’d pinpointed he lives somewhere near or around Moscow, which means there was no way he was eating that cake considering it was only ever baked in one shop at first, one way up in Leningrad, where St Petersburg is now, like nine hours away from Moscow-” 
“What’s your point?” Cramer asked, tired of the somewhat slew of thoughts she’d been saving until she knew for sure what she meant. 
“Before when he said it was ‘our favourite’, I don’t think he was talking about him and his mother,” She explained, looking to see if Spencer at least understood what she was getting at. 
“It was him and his own child…” Spencer finished, as Morgan’s phone began ringing.
“Yeah, what?” He asked, the frustration clear in his tone that they were all still without the evidence needed to pin it on Lysowsky, “You’re sure? Uh-huh. Okay, thanks doll,” 
The four of them looked at him expectantly as he nodded to her, “Garcia just got into the bank’s system, somebody wired 500 thousand dollars into the account ten minutes ago,”
“Who wired it?” Spencer asked, though he was still reeling from the way she’d touched him, the way her voice went up about five octaves and a dozen decibels.
“She didn’t say, but the name on the account is Lyov Fulenko. She says that’s Lysowsky’s wife’s maiden name. Fulenko.” Morgan replied, and her brows furrowed. 
“Why did she bring us into this?” Gideon asked, though the solemn look on his face said he already knew, “Because she needed to put pressure on the other victim,” 
Gideon headed towards Mr Gorban’s house once more, though it was clear he had already sketched out in his head who was their unsub and Natalya’s involvement, he simply needed the confirmation. 
Morgan clapped a hand on her back, “Nice job, baby Prentiss. Those were some mean profiling skills out there,”
She frowned at him, scoffing,  “I’m not a profiler, that’s Emily’s job. It was just basic linguistics really; more a display of how I need to lay off cake for a while.”
The man kissed his teeth with a grin, “Don’t put yourself down. What’s your degree even in?”
She shrugged, picking under her nails for something to do, “Individualised genomics and health.” She said as if it were child’s play, though Spencer’s head shot to her. 
“Biotechnology?” He asked, and she glanced at him with a nod, “What’s your thesis on?” 
Gideon had returned by the time he’s asked, and began corralling the two of them back to the car, “We’re heading back to the restaurant. We need to speak with Lysowsky again,” 
But it had fallen on deaf ears as Spencer looked at her expectantly. 
“Just some new research into prenatal screening, nothing too fun,” She simpered, climbing into the back seat as he nodded with her. 
“I read a fascinating paper on the uses of hCG in a woman’s body-” 
“Reid,” Gideon cut him off with a short glance from the front seat, “Continue this conversation once we’ve found Mr Chernus alive,” 
Spencer blushed, feeling like a kid caught in the cookie jar, “Sorry, sir,” He looked over at her, only to see her hiding a smile to herself. 
He thinks it was then he’d decided Emily had been wrong about her.
-
“You paid the ransom already,” Gideon said plainly, the four of them trailing behind him as he followed Lysowsky to a small seating area in the front of the restaurant. She could tell the whole way Spencer had been itching to ask her more questions about her paper, barely contained as his fingers had twitched in his lap, but he seemed to straighten himself out once she’d reached the restaurant, “You paid all the ransoms,”
“Sit,” The boss ordered, barely glancing at them as he held his strong whiskey up.
“Are they going to kill Mr Chernus?” Morgan asked, cutting to the chase as Lysowsky spared him a bored glance.
“No,” He replied shortly, the look on his face about as grumpy as when they’d left. 
“The account is in the name of Lyov Fulenko. Lyov is a man’s name.” Spencer input, crossing his arms as the boss glared at him, “A son’s name. Vory v Zakone. Never have a family of your own. No wife. No children.”
“Lyov,” He looked at her then, gesturing to her with the glass of strong liquor, “You know what it means?”
“The Lion,” She replied gravely, steeling herself against his dark eyes. 
“No one else would be so stupid,” Lysowsky ran a hand over his weathered face, swigging his drink as if it was the only thing keeping him talking. “At first it didn’t mean much. It was a way of letting him earn his own money. I could afford it, it came from the fund. And no one questions the use of the fund-”
“Where is he?” Gideon asked, his elbows on his knees as he leaned in.
“What else could I do?” He was ignored, “I couldn’t admit I wasn’t blessing the kidnappings, I couldn’t even admit my son existed.” He huffed when he saw Gideon’s face unmoving from the glower, his question still unanswered, “Chernus will be home in a few minutes. You should be there, he will need medical attention,” He shooed them away, with his final words, drink sloshing in his hand. His face darkened, impossibly so, and the five of them looked at him, something sad and remorseful shining back. 
“What are you gonna do?” She asked, though she had a feeling she already knew the answer. 
“Vory v Zakone.” He said heavily, nodding to her, “We take care of our own troubles.”
It was a silent journey back to the Chernus’ house. 
-
Morgan and Reid pulled up to the campus, the younger girl in the back seat almost dozing off with the rhythmic hum of the engine, the evening sun much nicer on Spencer’s sensitive eyes. 
“This is you, baby Prentiss,” Derek’s voice jolted her out of the half sleep she was in, straightening herself from where she had her head pressed against the window. 
“Thanks,” She muttered, rubbing her eyes and unbuckling herself as they did the same, assuming they wanted to walk her back to her dorm since it had gotten dark, “I’ll be okay on my own, campus security should be out by now,”
“You sure?” Reid asked, flicking his watch up to his eyes to see the meagre 6:13pm staring back at him, “I thought they started at 7,”
She blinked at him, her eyebrows quirking for a moment, “How do you know that?”
“Johns Hopkins was my backup option- well actually it was my third, I much preferred Caltech’s curriculum, Yale was my second-” He started, flicking a glance to her where she waited for him to finish, “Not that Johns was bad, there were just better- alternative options out there-” 
“Don’t shit your pants, I’m hardly the dean of the university,” She chuckled indignantly patting them both on the shoulder before sliding over to open the door, “Nice meeting you both, I’ll just get back to my mediocre college with my poor curriculum, nothing like the solid gold bathrooms at Caltech-”
“I never said that!” She laughed again, with her whole chest, at his defensive tone as she stepped out the car, hand on the door to shut it behind her. 
Leaning down to give them both a wave goodbye, Derek’s voice stopped her again, “Baby Prentiss, do us all a favour and enrol yourself into forensics, we need more people on our team,”
Smirking at him, she shook her head, “Very funny. Never gonna happen. I like my little slides and samples, thankyou,” 
Slamming the door on the two of them she headed for the front gates, swinging her purse over her shoulder. She was stopped by a hand on her shoulder, and she quickly realised she’d been too tired to even realise a set of footsteps jogging after her. 
Maybe she should have taken that walk home after all. 
Whirling around, her eyes widened as Spencer had clearly not been leader of the track team as he was half out of breath just from the few feet he’d covered, though she reckoned she could have guessed that seeing his lean ribs beneath his shirt.
He shoved a business card in her face as he caught his breath, though it was more just his name and credentials followed by a phone number. 
“I-I don’t have email otherwise I would-” He huffed, scratching his forehead as she frowned and looked at him.
“I’ve never been hit on via business card before,” She bit her lip with a smile, reading over the card again as he choked on his words even more than before.
“N-no, I-” He spluttered, ignoring the way Morgan beeped the horn for him, seemingly in a debate with a ticket metre that had caught him parked on yellow, “If you needed us for anything, or if you needed a second pair of eyes for your thesis, I’m happy to help,”
“You don’t have faith in the dummy that got into Johns?” She asked, and his head couldn’t shake fast enough, though he seemed to catch her teasing and shared her smile, “Thanks, Dr Reid,” 
“Spencer’s just fine,” He said, giving her a small nod and a wave as Morgan’s palm bounced on the horn a dozen times. She flashed him one more smile, pocketing his number and heading back to her dorm, wondering what the doctor would think about the paper due in tomorrow she’d yet to get started on.
+1. The one where you get arrested.
The case had been heavy. They’d felt it in the car on the way back to headquarters. A little girl, molested and groomed by her own uncle, his own wife covering for him. 
His mother always told him love makes you do crazy things, but Spencer hoped that whatever part of him worth loving would at least stay sane by the time he found the one. He was loyal to his team, to his mother, but that was where he drew the line. He was loyal to his family, undoubtedly so. 
Yet so was Emily. 
The call came to the second SUV, her phone set up to hands free mode, quickly flicking to answer the call on speaker, the other half of the team ahead of them on the freeway. 
“Prentiss, speaking. Who is this?” She spoke clearly to the unknown number, her knuckles going white at the wheel when she heard a nervous laugh.
“It’s me,” Her sister mumbled through the speaker, “You wouldn’t by any chance be near DC would you?” 
She huffed, cursing the knack Prentiss women had for showing up at the worst times. 
“Can’t this wait, I’m on the clock,” Emily hissed, her finger edging towards the ‘End Call’ button, “I’ll call you after,”
“Wait, wait, don’t hang up!” As if sensing her movements, she all but screeched, “This was my one phone call, they won’t let me have another,” 
The car went silent for a moment, Spencer’s eyes narrowing on the dash from his place in the passenger seat, JJ also leaning forward from the back with a frown. 
Emily grit her teeth, her upper lip twitching the way it did when she was mad. 
“What do you mean by one phone call? Where are you?” She bit in a cautious tone, though knowing how reckless Bugsy tended to be, she had a pretty good idea. 
The hesitation on the other end of the line was palpable, as was the way she awkwardly cleared her throat. 
“Fairfax County Jail,” She murmured sheepishly, “But it wasn’t my fault, these assholes don’t know what they’re talking about, I swear-”
“Stay there and keep your mouth shut,” Emily ordered, her expression furrowing into a sneer, “And for the love of god don’t antagonise the officers,” 
The agent didn’t even wait for a response, knowing it would probably be something snarky, her mind already racing at what the hell her sister could have done this time, every worst possible explanation jumping to the forefront. 
“I’ll call Hotch and tell him to turn around,” JJ offered, her fingers already searching her contacts for their boss, as Emily sighed through her nose. 
“Tell him not to worry, I’ll drop you guys back to headquarters, make my way there myself,” She said, picking the skin of her nail softly with her thumb. 
“By the time we’ve reached Quantico, visiting times will be over and she’ll have to stay the night,” Spencer pointed out, his own surprise evident. Sure, she had certainly been a personality when they had met, but a criminal seemed a stretch. 
“Maybe it would teach her a lesson,” Emily mused, shaking her head to herself, “Who am I kidding, that psycho would Shawshank her way out of there by dawn,”
“You don’t actually think she would hurt anyone do you?” JJ said, the dial tone ringing out from the phone she held to her ear. 
“Wouldn’t put it past her. She once cut a girl's pigtail off for wearing the same dress as her on her birthday,” Emily winced as Spencer’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. 
“I thought getting swirlied was bad,” He muttered, watching out the window as Emily made a U-turn at the traffic lights. He and the now twenty three year old had been bouncing research papers back and forth for a few months, the odd one every week, Bugsy even once joking it was much more interesting and riveting than foreplay, which had his face red hot at his desk.
She was like that, he’d quickly realised, had a vulgar sort of humour about her, yet he couldn’t help the snigger that came out whenever he’d receive one of his papers back through the mail with pink writing scrawled all over his ideas. The little hearts that dotted her exclamations whenever she wrote “AMAZING!”, the odd time she’d written “sexy ideas, doctor Reid” which he’d come to understand meant it was really good. He’d even gotten back the drawing at the end of the paper of a stickman of the two of them, his hair a curly scribble and a purple tie which told him immediately who was who, her line of a hand pointing at his caricature with the speech bubble, “everyone point and wave at the smart man,” which had made him laugh. 
She was odd, toeing the line between childish and witty, nothing like the scholars he usually worked with, and the writing he usually sent back on her papers were all in standard black ink, his own pharmacist handwriting staring back at him as he crammed in his every thought of her research into the margins. If she couldn’t read it, she hadn’t said, but he liked to think she took notice of it all, even if it wasn’t strewn with stars and doodles and the occasional flirt he knew meant nothing. He knew her from her writing, knew her from her ideas that sometimes kept him up at night thinking more about them, but the two of them hadn’t spoken directly, most certainty hadn’t seen one another since that day with the Chernus’.
Emily hummed, fingers drumming on the wheel, entirely unaware of the thoughts rattling around in Spencer’s head, then again that’s how it always was, “I just pray to god she’s listened to me for once in her damn life and keeps quiet,”
-
“Fucking bitch. The nuns in Moscow hit harder than you,” She spat, blood dribbling from her split lip. She wasn’t entirely lying, but god did her mouth sing with pain as she tried to muffle a moan. 
“You got jokes, pig lover?” The other woman asked, a tattoo covering half her cheek, her nose crooked from the shiner the Prentiss girl had already given her. “Won’t be fucking laughing when I’m done, bitch,” The woman was quick to tackle the girl around her stomach, slamming her into the hard concrete of the holding cell. Bugsy felt her skull rattle, the wind whooshing from her chest as rough hands grab her shirt and pin her down harder. 
The younger girl reached the nerve under her opponent's armpit, the soft of her ribs, twisting until the woman gave a bark of shock, and she took the opportunity to shove her off, climbing on top of her as they both scrambled for some sort of control.
“I got one for you. What’s got a broken nose, a black eye and doesn’t know what’s good for her?” She swung twice as hard, the other women in the cell rattling against the bars as if watching a matador taunt a bull, the air thick with excitement as the two of them cursed eachother out.
Emily’s sigh was audible across the room as the wardens separated the cat fight, the largest of the officers all but grabbing her sister by the scruff of the neck like a feral beast, dragging her over with stubborn feet to where the BAU stood in the lobby, eyes widened at the state of her. 
“You better start acting your age, little girl. Mommy’s not gonna be around forever to save you,” The officer hissed in her ear, manhandling her over to where Emily glared daggers into the side of her head. She knew that look, it was eerily similar to mom’s that time she’d been caught sneaking out of the house, something in the warm brown of Emily’s eyes frosting over into a cold blackness. Fury. 
She chewed her words for a moment, waiting until the man had turned around with a grunt of acknowledgement to the badge Emily had flashed to get his attention, before she spoke. 
“She’s not my mom, she's my sister, dumbass-” Emily slapped a hand over her mouth, gripping her shoulder with the bear-like strength her jagged nails possessed when she was mad, the scoff of disgrace leaving her mouth as her team trailed behind the two of them. 
“What the hell happened, baby Prentiss?” Morgan asked, ignoring the way Emily’s heated gaze turned on him, “What’s got you so worked up?”
“Don’t entertain her, Morgan,” Emily seethed, all but shoving her into the back of the SUV. She looked up at her sister with an open mouth, the guilt flashing in her eyes as she wavered under the pointing finger Emily jabbed in her face, “Don't you even dare,” 
“But-” She stammered, cut off when she saw the glare intensified, if that had even been possible. 
“I don’t want to hear another word from you for the rest of the day unless you’re prepared to give me a good explanation why I’ve dragged my team out here to save your sorry ass,” Emily hissed, and the girl’s mouth bobbed a few times, feeling the rest of the team watching as she got thoroughly chewed out. 
“Wait-” Emily’s hand lingered at the car door, ready to slam it in her face as she rubbed her cuff over her chin, mopping up the damage. Her head tilted for a moment, hoping her sister had something good to say, only for it to be; “He just called you old, I hope you realise that,”
Emily’s gaze darkened, slamming the door shut with an anger she imagined her mother had kept warm for the past twenty three years, whirling around heatedly when she heard a snigger from one Derek Morgan. 
“Damn, mama, hear the girl out.” He said, slapping a hand on the woman’s shoulder as he passed, heading back to their own SUV, “Maybe she’ll surprise you,” 
If Emily was going to bite anything back, she didn’t. Instead she ran a hand over her brow, the group disbanding to their cars now the problem child had been picked up from daycare, except for Hotch who watched the older Prentiss with a scowl, despite the worry in his eyes. 
“Hotch, I’m so sorry, just take it off my timecard, I’ll cover all the costs,” She said shakily, her own frown adorning her face as she felt herself blush from embarrassment under her boss’s gaze. 
“I understand she’s your sister, but this was a gross misuse of agent time and resources, Prentiss,” He said, his gaze drifting to where Spencer sat next to the girl, pulling a packet of tissues and hand sanitizer out of his satchel while JJ rooted through her own purse for a plaster, “Don’t let it happen again,” 
Emily nodded vehemently, flushed with anger, her palms sticky as she wiped them on her jeans. 
“Absolutely sir. Believe me, this ever happens again, she’s on her own,” She replied, though they both knew she didn’t mean it. Emily would never. 
He nodded stonily, deciding quickly that it was punishment enough that she felt so ashamed, he knew from his years of arguments with Sean what it was like to have a sibling stray so far. 
“We can fill out reports in the morning, just get Reid and JJ home,” Hotch said, putting a tentative hand on her shoulder as he passed her to head towards his own vehicle, “And try not to kill each other in the company car. It doesn’t look good on paperwork,” 
She beat off the smile on her lips as she got back into the driver's seat, the air that engulfed the four of them foul as she glared over her shoulder and into the back. Spencer twitched in his seat uncomfortably, his hand still passing over tissues to the bloodied girl. 
“So, you gonna tell me what that was about?” Emily asked, her tone brittle and warning, not in the mood for any snarky response she could give, “Or is this old lady going to have to lay into you some more,” 
The smell of strong ethanol engulfed her nose as she held the soaked tissue to her face, frowning into her lap silently and avoiding the burning stare as Emily stuck the keys in the ignition and started the car.
“Let’s start with why you were there,” JJ input, the same tone of voice she used as when talking to victims, calm and motherly, unlike the pissed off snarl Emily gave, “You wanna tell us why you were arrested?”
“You two really gonna pull the good cop, bad cop on me?” She snapped, her lip swelling around the wound, tongue grazing it softly despite the heavy taste of the sanitizer.
Emily said her name in a warning, her last warning, and she knew better than to push her luck even more, the SUV pulling out of the station and onto the road. 
“I was just shopping for groceries,” She started, fiddling with the bloodied tissue, wincing under her tongue stroke, “Store clerk made a pass at me, I told him I wasn’t interested. So he put a pack of smokes in my handbag while I wasn’t looking; the alarms went off. I didn’t even know what was happening until security grabbed me at the door,” 
JJ flashed a glance at Emily, like two parents deciding an appropriate punishment, the brunette’s lips straightening out into a line. 
“You’re telling the truth?” She asked cautiously, glancing in the rear view mirror to see how her sister balled the mess of paper between her palms. 
Rolling her eyes, she gladly accepted the other packet of tissues Spencer slid over the leather seat between them. 
“I went out for milk and oranges, I was not looking to get picked up, Em,” She bit back, groaning when she felt it jostle the cut, “And certainly not for cigarettes, you know I only smoke on New Years,” 
Spencer looked at her with a frown, and she caught his confusion quickly, pulling another leaf of paper from the packet. 
“Emily and I had a rule after she caught me smoking when I was like fourteen, that we could have one cigarette between the two of us on New Years eve,” She explained, JJ also perking up to hear it, “So that by the time morning came around, it would be last year’s mistake, and it would be like it never happened,” 
JJ smiled to herself, remembering the time she caught Roz sneaking one of her dad’s cigarettes on the back porch back when she was just ten. She remembered the little secrets the two of them kept back then, held them even all these years later. 
“So how did that lead to, well,” JJ gestured to her lip, “That,” 
“Yeah, didn’t I specifically tell you to not antagonise anyone?” Emily chimed in, signalling she was changing lanes as they headed down the freeway for a second time that day.
“Technically you said not to antagonise the officers,” She pointed out, before Spencer had the chance to, shutting his mouth as he caught the glare Emily shot through the mirror.
“Keep talking,” The older Prentiss ordered, as Bugsy sighed and blotted her lip some more. 
“That woman, Mira I think her name was, anyway, she recognised me from that picture mom had us take on Independence Day, the one they put in The Hill, and she asked me if it was true my sister was a fed,” 
Emily’s fingers twitched at the wheel, knowing the status agents and even people associated with agents held in prisons; knowing just being a Prentiss in a jail cell held a big, dazzling price over her head that said ‘kill me, kill me!”
The air sucked out of the car, a look passing between JJ and Reid as they thought the same thing, waiting for her to go on. 
“So then you hit her?” Emily guessed, the bitterness slowly ebbing as she understood maybe her sister wasn’t as unruly as she thought. 
“No, I told her to leave me the fuck alone, but she said you guys sent her brother down for something a while back, and she asked again if my family were all Pigs,” She picked her nails, the blood stain on her sleeve staring back at her, “I told her if she didn’t stop calling you a Pig, I’d make her squeal like one. And then I hit her,” 
Emily tried to pretend she didn’t smile hearing that, her cheeks tightening, lips pulling down as she fended it off. 
“Is that good enough, officers, or will you be needing fingerprints?” The girl chimed after a moment, a weight seemingly lifted from the car as Emily quickly realised she had, for once, not been entirely at fault. 
“I want a handwritten apology to my boss for wasting his time,” Emily demanded, her unforgiving gaze softening when she saw her smile, “And you owe my team coffee,”
“I can do coffee, coffee coming right up,” She agreed, shoving the used tissues into her purse with a crooked smile, “It’s a date,”
Spencers ears turned red, looking over the seat at where she dabbed at her lip gently. She didn’t look much older for six months, but she had gotten her nose pierced since the last time he’d seen her, unless he just hadn’t noticed it before, and the streaks of red were slowly fading out into a blush pink that said it was old, and he wondered if she’d done it herself in that tiny little cubicle bathroom of hers she shared with the four other girls in her block. 
“You finished your stats papers yet?” He made polite conversation, though part of him was dying to know out of curiosity if she could crunch numbers and equations as well as she could in her own labs. 
“Got two more this week, they’re kicking my ass man,” She replied with a huff, and he didn’t think he’d ever been called ‘man’ by a woman before. He knew if he’d known her in college, ignoring the fact he would have been twelve, he would have thought she may just be the coolest person alive, “I miss my labs with my microscopes and watching all the little baby cells move around in the ethanol. Stats are like, just not sexy,” 
He smiled at her as she stared out the window, unaware of the way she’d managed to make DNA sound like a play pen full of kittens. He held off from telling her he found stats really quite sexy, knowing it would never sound the same coming from his mouth.
He pulled a leaf of the tissues from the packet, producing his own pen from his pocket and began doodling carefully so as not to rip the delicate canvas. 
Sliding it over to her after five minutes as Emily and JJ made conversation in the front seat, she didn’t care that the grin tugged on her split lip, the reaction was instant, she couldn’t stop it if she tried. 
Two stick men stared back at her, her hair a close match in texture and a childish triangle drawn as means of a dress, a very tall stick figure next to her patting her metaphorical head, a speech bubble coming from his mouth. 
“Maths is fun!” It said, and she flicked a glance at him, her smile the most genuine he’d seen yet. He just smiled back. 
+2. The one where you graduate
Emily felt the looks on her the moment JJ had mentioned Maryland. The case was a little under their pay grade, nothing more than a stalker, no bodies or bloodshed, but one very rattled woman that had turned to the communications liaison with fear for her life. 
With Hotch and Rossi in Boston helping a case of their own, the rest of the BAU had been twiddling their thumbs waiting for something to come across their desk. 
“This case is in my hands now, and if we do nothing and something happens to her,” JJ took a heavy breath, her eyes lingering on the three names Keri had given her in case of her untimely death, “I’ll be the one notifying her family,”
Derek, despite his own hesitations about using their time for a case like this, caved the moment he saw the guilt on the blonde’s face. 
“Okay,” He shuffled the papers into a pile, Emily and Spencer gathering their own resources on the case and standing from the round table. 
Luckily, one government SUV was more than enough to carry the four of them for the hour drive North, all of them well aware Hotch would flip if they used more funds than necessary.
JJ piled into the front beside where Morgan climbed into the driver’s seat, leaving Emily next to a particularly fidgety Reid. It took all of fifteen minutes of the man flicking a glance at her, his mouth quirking as if he were about to use it, before he thought better and looked out the window, and the whole thing would start again. 
Derek, the less shy about his thoughts of the two men, even glanced at her through the rear view mirror, before he too returned his gaze out the window silently. JJ shifted in her seat, knowing she had to tread carefully around mentioning Bugsy to Emily, particularly after the last time they’d seen her. Emily had said they’d grabbed coffee once or twice since then, but that was all she spoke about it, which left her team walking cracked eggshells at the thought of bringing her up. 
It seemed the three of them were bursting at the seams with the same thought, and it wasn’t until Reid cleared his voice, his puppy eyes stuck in his loop, that she had had enough. 
“Does anyone here have something to say?” Emily huffed, Derek immediately reaching to turn the radio up the same time that JJ flicked the AC on for something to do. Realising they weren’t easily broken, she turned to Spencer who already looked slightly guilty, thumbing at his sweater, “Reid?”
“Did you want to see your sister?” He asked without hesitation, as if the words had fallen out of him, “You know, since we’re so close on this case. It would be a good excuse to-”
“You did say she owed us a coffee,” JJ pointed out, spurred on by Spencer’s nerves, “Wouldn’t mind cashing in if we’re coming all this way.”
“Morgan, do you have anything to add?” Emily asked with raised brows, though she already knew what was coming.
Derek chewed over his thoughts a second, “I’m just saying, you only get to see your baby sisters grow up once- you know, and it couldn’t hurt to see her even if she runs rings around you with that smart mouth-”
“Shouldn’t we be focusing on the case?” Emily cut him off incredulously, but received three knowing looks back. She met JJ’s gaze where the woman had swivelled in her seat to talk to her, and Prentiss was fast to catch the buried grief in her best friend’s eyes. She knew it pained her to even bring up sisterhood, let alone watch Emily throw hers away for the sake of a decade and a half between them. It was the desperation in JJ’s face that did it, knowing she would give anything to spend just an hour with Roz one more time, that had her drawing her cell out her pocket and calling the contact with the little ladybug next to it, “Fine,”
As a profiler she would have been tempted to ignore the way Spencer smiled into his lap; as a sister, her eyes narrowed at him.
The phone rang surprisingly only once before she answered, and she heard an unnaturally tame version of her sister answer.
“Emily?” She asked, her voice hushed, worried almost, “You okay?”
Her brows furrowed, “Yeah, I’m fine. Are you?” She got no more than a hum in return, somewhat agreeing though Emily could tell clear as day she was holding something back. “Look, we’re gonna be in Silver Spring, I was thinking tomorrow we could grab lunch-” 
“Can’t, I’m busy, it’s an all day thing,” Her sister cut her off, yet it wasn’t rude or demeaning like usual. Nervous almost, sad, “Sorry,”
“What’s an all day thing?” Emily asked, the concern matching her words. 
Her sister swallowed on the other end of the phone, before she found her words, or maybe even the balls to actually speak, “I’m graduating tomorrow,”
Emily’s face lit up, the smile spreading fast on her face, ignoring the way Morgan’s words seemed to ring true in her ears; she was growing up too fast. 
“Graduating, why didn’t you say!” She asked, the joy in her tone unmissable, “How’d your papers go?”
Spencer held himself off from correcting her that she’d only done five papers, that the rest of her results had come from theory and labs, thinking better than to interrupt the one conversation they’d had where there was no underlying argument brewing. 
“Full honours, obviously.” Bugsy drawled with a snicker, and Emily shook her head, the smile never dimming. 
“Look at you, y’little superstar,” Emily bit her lip, ignoring the guilt that tore at her when she realised she barely knew what Bug spent her days doing, “Did Mom and Dad get good seats? Oh god, dad’s not bringing Stephanie is he?”
The silence on the other end had her halting, the light in the conversation wavering for a second, before she understood the nerves, the quick defence her sister had been on the moment the call had been answered. 
“Bug-”
“They’re not coming,” Her heart ached in her chest hearing it, “I sent Mom the details, she said she’s in Ukraine this week settling some papers. Didn’t even get a chance to ask Dad before he and Stephanie were off on their fifth honeymoon in the Bahamas until October,” A painful laugh echoed down the line, as if she were holding back the gravity of the situation. 
“Bug,” Emily tried again, picking her thumb viciously, punishingly, hating herself for being so blind to her sister’s troubles, “Why didn’t you invite me?”
“I figured you’d be busy,” Came the reply, sad and tender, the most honest she’d heard in a while, “You’re always busy,” 
“Never too busy for you,” Emily’s guilt tripled when her sister didn’t answer, knowing if she were to counter the statement with hard evidence it would only hurt both of them, “Look, I have some time today, probably,” She didn’t, not even a few minutes, “Why don’t we get that coffee, you don’t even have to pay,”
Bugsy gave a sad laugh, “Sorry, Em, I gotta get my dress fitted today, and some of the lab techs invited me to a party later. Maybe some other time,”
“A party with biology nerds?” Emily asked with false excitement, the air turned stagnant between them now, “Well, rock on, science freak. Don’t leave your drinks with strangers, and don’t walk home alone, and for god sake use protection-”
“Bye, Emily,” She said with a chuckle, the older of the two gracing her with the same, as they put the phone down. 
The car was quiet, waiting for Prentiss to speak, none of them missing the way her lip pulled between her teeth, a bitterness on her face that told them she was holding in something close to sadness. You’re always busy. It echoed around her head, stabbing at her chest to think her sister was graduating alone, no one to congratulate her, no one to pat her on the back and tell her how clever she is despite the fact Bugsy would happily tell anyone just how smart she was on her own. Never too busy for you. 
“She’s graduating tomorrow,” She said to the three people waiting for an update, Spencer’s brows shooting to his hairline. He hadn’t heard from her since her last paper got sent off, and why would he? They had exchanged a few little anecdotes and doodles, sent each other research papers to be graded like teachers exchanging lecture notes, “She didn’t even tell me. She’s gonna be alone,” 
JJ grimaced, “What? What about your mom- or, or your dad, an uncle, someone-” 
“Mom and dad are out of the country, Mom’s brother lives in Mexico with his seven kids, he can barely get a night’s sleep let alone a day off to travel up to Maryland. Dad’s sisters passed away when I was a kid,” Emily explained, running a hand over her face, “I can’t let her go up there alone,”
“So we don’t,” Spencer said, as if he’d never been more sure of anything in his life, “We don’t let her do it alone,”
-
“Graduating with Masters in Biotechnology; Jasper Adams, Tom Adamson, Kristen Afkins, Gavin Agriths-” 
The dean read off the names of the students as she fiddled with the hem of her dress. 
The dress fit beautifully, her make up done to near perfection, her hair styled neatly, she was graduating with full honours for christ sakes. Why couldn’t she just be happy with what she had? Why had she got to be so spoiled? 
Lots of peoples parents missed their graduation, lots of people her age didn’t even have parents anymore, she ought to be grateful her mother was increasing famine aid in foreign countries, all the lives she would save, or even be happy her father had found a pretty, rich new wife to tour every known vacation destination with. Or even that her sister had called her just yesterday and told her in a few words she was proud of her. 
But none of them quelled the feeling of loneliness that blossomed inside Bugsy. The kind that had always been there, the kind that just wanted someone in her corner, telling her she was doing pretty good for a kid who raised herself in all those big houses they’d moved to, who saw the au pair more often than her own mother. 
All those rooms were so empty, the houses so quiet besides for her. It was like living in a cemetery. 
“Robert Lewsinsky. Marcus Linford. Tara Lorence. Katie Macauley.” 
P would be up soon. Each name of her classmates drew an applause, some whoops and screams, one family she swore there must have been ten of them in the back row cawing and howling like monkeys at a zoo, proud of their son for making it. 
She willed a smile on her face, hearing Orla Parkins get called up, and she knew just by the steward that directed her where to stand in line she was close. 
“Kenneth Patterson. Joshua Perriman. Harriet Pimms. Lauren Pintons.”
She held a rattled breath as Renly Prackett walked ahead of her, strolling over the stage to collect his degree, flashing the crowd a wide smile and a fist pump. She had always liked Renly, having been his experiment partner for a year, despite the fact he never washed up after himself in the lab. 
Then it was, her name was called. The one no one but her mother and Stephanie ever called her, she solely went by Bugsy courtesy of Emily. It was a family name, a nice one at that. Maybe it had been the fact she had been eight and her cool big sister crowned her the new name, or maybe it just rolled off the tongue better, made her feel less like a Prentiss, that she chose to go by her monika. 
She tried not to think about where or what Emily was doing, only hoping she was safe, as she began walking over the stage, her heels clicking loudly with her hesitant steps. 
To her utmost surprise she heard a loud whistle echo through the auditorium, a group of jeers and screams of her name, even an air horn signing off that had her almost tripping over her own feet turning to see who it was. 
Surely it was a joke, a cruel prank, she barely had any friends in her class. Acquaintances sure, but no one so bold as to make such a fuss over her. 
Squinting down at the audience, her cap nearly slipping off her head as her head turned to the source, she felt her chest burst when she saw the dark hair and bangs, her sisters butchered fingertips in her mouth with a loud cattle whistle, screaming like a firework right to the stage where she graciously accepted her award, despite the fact she barely paid any attention to the dean anymore, more to her sister who smiled at her widely as she clapped. Behind her, her team she’d met on the off chance, the pretty blonde, JJ, who pressed the air horn a few more times, cheering just as loud for her. Morgan, the handsome one who had stood himself on top of his chair, cupping a hand over his mouth to scream “Kicking ass, baby Prentiss!” at her, ignoring the way other people stared wide eyed at them. 
And Spencer, tall enough to be seen over the crowd even without the help of a chair, who smiled at her, clapping those big hands of his loud enough to reach her, his own whoops never ceasing even as she stepped off the stage to head back to her seat. 
The rest of the ceremony dragged, a speech from one of the alumni and the exit music playing, but she simply grinned into her hand, where her degree smiled back at her, counting down the moments she would be allowed to stand. 
And then she was fast walking down the stairs, amongst the bustle of students, the black gowns flurrying around her as she burst out into the square where parents, fiancees, brothers, sisters, cheered their loved ones, pulling them into tight hugs. 
Her eyes scanned the wave of black hats, landing on two dark eyes, the thick sable hair framing the dazzling smile that awaited her with open palms. All but shoving her way through the crowd, she stopped in front of her sister, the urge to jump at her with a hug shying the moment she got close. 
“Told you. Never too busy for you, Bug,” Emily said, pulling her in by her shoulders for a tight hug. She knew her sister wasn’t one to beg for affection, wasn’t one to let her guard drop so soon, but she also knew she’d needed it by the way she melted against her, the way she chuckled into her hair, pulled her closer. 
“Do I owe your boss another letter of apology for this or do I get you guys for free?” The girl asked, as her sister pulled away, keeping an arm around her shoulder as they turned to the rest of the team. 
“No, this one is entirely on us, promise,” JJ said with a smile as she saw Emily beaming maternally over at the girl, the flat of the cap knocking against her cheek as she squeezed her in once more, “We’re very proud of you,” 
She heated under the woman’s words, wriggling in her shoes as bad as Emily did when she felt awkward, Derek chuckling and taking the degree out of her hand. 
“Alright, lets see the creds, Prentiss,” He held it up next to her face as she shrugged, the ‘4.0’ clear as day next to her name, “Good looking, and smart. Those boys in the lab ought to watch out,”
She grinned under his teasing, “What can I say, I got the deep end of the gene pool,” She teased, feeling Emily swat her ear, her eyes falling to where Spencer held a plant pot with a poorly wrapped bow of twine around it, the soil a little displaced from the journey.
“This is for you,” He said, handing her the small green sproutling, his cheeks blushing as her face lit up, reading the small inscription on the front, “It’s-”
“Dionaea muscipula,” She said, biting her lip as she smiled at him, “This is so cool! Where on earth did- I had a paper last semester on the ways to study their electrophysiology you just have to read- oh thank you!”
“English, please?” Emily asked, though the warmth flooded her chest when her sister threw her arms around a very rigid Spencer. 
Thinking she should grab her and warn her the man disliked touch almost as much as she does, she was surprised to see him give her a small embrace back, smiling proudly the way he did when he’d made someone happy. 
“Piège à mouches Vénus,” Her sister responded cockily, tugging herself away from the tall man, to inspect her new plant, well aware that Emily rolled her eyes at her use of French, “Venus Fly Trap. I’ve never seen one so young, still I should be able to pull some slides on the Rhizomes in the soil-”
Emily put a hand to her temple, JJ smiling widely as she saw for once Spencer be the one on the receiving end of an earful, chuckling to himself when she began dishing out name ideas for the sapling. 
“Holy shit, there’s two of them,” Morgan grumbled, nudging his shoulder into Emily who simply sighed, her migraine already starting as Reid began jumping in with his own thoughts, which didn’t take much effort.
“Don’t even,” 
+3. The one where you’re taken hostage
“Tell us about the 911 call,” Spencer requests, flicking through the file himself beside her in the back seat. She had her own set of paperwork in front of her, her pen attached to a clipboard the lanyard around her neck reading her real, honest credentials, unlike the fake ones Emily and Reid were given. She’d been to one of these sects before, invited kindly as part of her research on the effect isolation has on cultivation of crops, knew one of the mother’s well from her last research paper, and had managed to get the group a foot in the door to entering the Separtarian Sect with little fuss. 
Hotch, usually hesitant to allow outsiders in on the job, especially as young and spirited as Bugsy, had to admit it would calm any potential unsubs and make them see the team as unthreatening if they had a friendly face there. He’d signed the papers with a frown that morning, and they were on their way to the little apartment the girl occupied just outside Baltimore, sample tubes stuffed into her pack ready. 
“I believe the he that they refer to is the church’s leader, Benjamin Cyrus,” Nancy, a woman from child protective services, replied from the driver's seat, Emily thumbing through her papers as they neared the compound. 
“Benjamin Cyrus, no criminal record; no record of him at all actually,” Reid replied, watching Bugsy scribbling notes into her lab book, perfecting her report before she had even begun, “What else do you know about him?” 
“The sect I spoke to before, the one in Utah, said he was rumoured to be practising polygamy and forced marriages,” The younger woman said, looking back at him with a frown, “They were much more modern in their beliefs than these guys. Last time I spoke to Marina she was happy there, I can’t see why she would want to move here,” 
Spencer looked as if he were about to answer, perhaps to tell her he was sure her contact would be just fine, when Emily shrugged and turned to Nancy. 
“Do we know who the caller is?” She asked, sipping her now lukewarm coffee out of the disposable cup. 
Nancy’s head tilted in a so-so motion, “Uh, Jessica Evansen is the one who the age fits, but we can’t be sure.”
“Well given their view on outsiders, it would be best if you didn’t identify us as FBI.” Emily instructed, handing Reid his new, fake credentials and his gun she’d kept in her bag through customs. “Just use our real names and introduce us as child victim interview experts.” Nancy nodded, the compound coming into view, the dust flurrying under the car wheels as the road turned into nothing more than a sandy path. 
A guard seemed to be expecting their arrival as he stood, unarmed at the main gate, unlatching the bolt in the middle and opening it wide for their vehicle to pass through. She nodded in thanks, her eyes flicking out the dirty window to see a collection of mobile homes surrounding a large church, a few smaller outbuildings dotted around the compound. It was quiet, not full of laughter like the last group she had been to, the children nowhere to be seen, only a few of the handier members of the flock that were either fixing up walls, trimming trees besides a man sprawled too casually on the steps of the chapel, a bible in his hands he seemed to be catching up on. 
The car pulled to a stop in front of the man that barely batted an eye at their arrival, the safety locks flicking off each of the doors, Nancy collecting her briefcase and exiting the car first. 
She had all but reached for the handle when Emily stopped her, swivelling in her seat to look her dead in the eye. 
“Your job is mediator, you got that?” Her sister had never looked more serious, but then again she did know her almost too well, “You and your field research are a… buffer between our investigation and the unsub. Just try to take the focus off what we’re doing, but do not provoke anyone,”
She raised her hands in innocence, “Got it, jeez, what could I possibly do that could ruin this investigation?” 
Emily stared back at her blankly, unnamused, as if they both knew there was a lot she could, and would, do that would blow the whole thing. 
“You look like mom when you give me that look,” She bit back, leaving the car, as Nancy spoke to the man laying on the steps, “It’s terrible,” 
“I’m looking for Mr Benjamin Cyrus?” Nancy reported, her tight, knee length skirt and blouse entirely out of place amongst the dirt track. 
“You found him,” The man replied, still not so much as granting them a glance of interest as he flicked through his passages. 
“I’m Nancy Lunde, we spoke on the phone regarding the allegation,” She replied, which was the only thing that garnered his attention as he looked up at them behind slightly bent reading glasses. 
“Savages they call us; because our manners differ from theirs,” He said, though it was clear it wasn’t entirely his own words, more likely a segment of his preach he’d repeated a handful of times. Bugsy tried to hide her disgust behind her hand tightening around her lab books she kept tightly to her chest. 
“We didn’t come here to hear you cite scripture, Mr Cyrus,” Nancy snipped as he approached the group, pocketing the glasses though he kept hold of the bible in hand as if it was part of his own arm. 
“Actually it’s Benjamin Franklin,” Spencer murmured to the woman, which had Cyrus’ cold brown eyes narrowing at the tall man, assessing for a motive.
“Emily Prentiss, Spencer Reid. They’re child victim interview experts,” Nancy introduced them quickly, the two of them flashing their badges, the unofficial ones at least. Gesturing to the youngest woman, she introduced her with her real name, his gaze flicking to her as he seemed to recognise it.
“Marina’s friend? The plant lady?” He asked, face half amused as she fought her lip from twitching into a sneer. Instead she smiled, holding out her hand. 
“That’s what they call me,” She said, shaking his hand, ignoring the way he flashed her a cheshire cat smile, “Hope you don’t mind me dropping by, Marina said I could take some samples for my research,”
He laughed, shaking his head, looking at Spencer, “Women and their flowers, right?” Spencer swallowed back a retort, shrugging his shoulders, though Bugsy’s eye twitched. Benjamin patted her on her shoulder, “Of course you can honey, I’ll find Jared, our head gardner, and you can run along for your research,” 
He said it as if she were lying, that her degree and endless hours of work would only ever chalk up to a few doodles in a notebook, or a garden full of hydrangeas, or tulips, or roses, because she couldn’t possibly care about anything else but pretty flowers. 
Nodding her head graciously, choking back the hateful response she wished to spit in his face, she gave him a polite thankyou, feeling Spencer’s eyes burning into the side of her head. 
“The children are in the school as I indicated,” Cyrus said, turning back to the other three, Emily and Nancy taking off in the direction he pointed, the former knowing her sister was at risk of blowing a fuse if they were here for long. 
Spencer hung back, partially because he had a plan of distraction in mind to allow the women a chance to speak with the children whilst Cyrus wasn’t around, partially because he didn’t want to leave Bugsy anywhere on her own. Sure, Emily had said they were both trained in self defence when they were kids, but with no weapon of her own, he was reluctant. 
“You're using solar power?” He prompted, gesturing towards where the eight blue panels warmed under the Colorado sun.
“We’re completely self-sufficient,” Benjamin nodded along, catching the impressed look on both their faces, “Electricity, food, water. Ben Franklin said ‘God helps those that help themselves,’ you look surprised,” 
“No, impressed actually,” Spencer replied, and he wasn’t entirely lying. The system was incredibly complex, particularly if they received no help from outsiders, for as many people as there were in the compound. 
“Thankyou; for admitting that,” Cyrus said earnestly, flicking his gaze back to Bugsy who studied the solar panels, “I’ll go find Jared, he can take you to the greenhouses,”
Thanking him again, he led the way towards the school where Nancy and Emily had headed, as the two of them exchanged a look, Spencer smiling half piteously, wishing he could shake her and tell her just how smart she was and that Cyrus knew absolutely nothing. 
He didn’t miss the way she walked closer to him, or how she thumbed the corner of her notebook, or how she looked back at him, biting the inside of her cheek. He thinks he might get slapped if he pointed it out, but Emily had the exact same tell when she was nervous, which is why he bumps their shoulders together in means of reassuring her he was still there. 
It was only then she gave him any sort of smile back. 
-
Jared, as expected, had been just as condescending and patronising as Benjamin whilst she slipped on her latex gloves, scooping no more than a handful of homemade fertiliser into one of her test tubes. It had been a partial cover, their story, but she had been telling the truth when she’d contacted Marina and asked if she could drop by. She’d been meaning to expand her field research in hopes of stumbling on a job opportunity since she spent most of her postgraduate days reading while her cat pawed at her leg for more treats than he deserved, the odd phone call with her sister much more common than it had been before. 
She didn’t miss the way Jared’s hand fell into the small of her back as he led her back towards the school, after having noted down a few more readings, fussing over the state of the carrots that seemed to grow entirely naturally thanks to the systems they’d been smart enough to set up. He seemed rather bored by the whole thing, for a head gardener, more interested in staring at her legs as she leaned down to identify the fat black beetle that crawled along the rockery. 
It wasn’t until they were halfway to the school that the sound of tyres on a dirt path met her ears, and she saw five armoured SUVs out the corner of her eye. 
She hadn’t even the time to question what was going on, before Jared’s face dropped, the hand gently holding the soft of her back grabbing on her forearm hard enough to leave bruises, as he was dragging her to the chapel they had seen when they had pulled up.
 Emily had said the rest of the team stayed in Quantico, if it wasn’t them, who was it. 
“Whats going on- who is that?” She asked him lamely, her feet stumbling as she half fought his heavy hand off. 
That was when the shooting started. 
She thinks it came from the compound first, she’d seen two men stationed on top of one of the outbuildings, thinking nothing much of it, until she saw clearly now the assault rifles they bore, pointing it straight at the vehicles that drew closer. The whistle of bullets, bangs of the chambers emptying their artillery, and it wasn’t until she heard the doors to the SUVs start opening, more gunfire began hitting the wall ahead of them that she started running. Running fast, for the cover the church provided until she figured out just what the fuck was happening. 
Jared all but threw her past the chapel door, where Cyrus and four other men were waiting, a heavy barricade in their hands, her chest pounding with adrenaline, she couldn’t help the yelp that left her as Cyrus whirled on her, grabbing her shoulders firmly and looking her dead in the eye. 
“Did you know anything about this?” He asked, his calm demeanour cracking when she scrambled for a response, “ANSWER ME,”
“No-no not at all.” She shook her head, voice weaker than she’d like, but the sight of more guns in the men’s hands twisted any resolve she had, “Where are the others- the- the experts-”
“Take her into the tunnels,” Cyrus ignored her question, nodding at one of his men to grab her as Jared armed himself. She felt another callused hand yank on her upper arm, and part of her wondered if that was how men handled all women here, as if they were herding cattle, as she was dragged down into the catacombs below the church. 
They’d made plans for a day like this to come, she realised. 
Her heart constricted at the sound of bullets rattling above them, she hadn't been able to tell in that last moment whether Cyrus believed her or not as, nor whether she was being taken to the tunnels for her own safety or to be questioned harder about the gunmen. 
She could only hope Emily was safe. 
She felt her tongue too big for her mouth as the man all but shoved her into the bunker, the nervous chatter of women and children, some of the more elderly men, as they clung to one another for safety, the scathing remark she would have usually made about his heavy hands failing her as she scanned the room for her sister. 
Emily was faster however, and she nearly yelped again as two bony arms yanked her into a hug, a rare one, and she knew by the blazer and the sigh of relief in her ear it was Em.
Usually she would bat her off, tell her to stop fussing like a mother hen, but today she embraced her right back, trying to note if her sister had any bullet holes in her before she allowed herself the same relief. 
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Emily asked, the whole thing coming out in a slew of worry, and she nodded, pulling away as if she needed to see the proof in person. 
Bugsy’s eyes were wild, as if she were a doe in a meadow hearing a rifle cocking near. No scratch that, she was a doe being chased and shot at and hunted, narrowly escaping being mounted on a wall. 
“They were all shit shots,” Bugsy said, through a laugh she didn’t quite mean, “You would have done much better.” 
Patting her sister on the shoulder, Emily finally released her when she realised the humour meant she at least had her head on her shoulders. Spencer watched her with meticulous eyes, knowing the shock that registered on her face, knowing it was the same one he wore when he first had shots fired at him. He saw her own eyes quickly check him over, satisfied with a breath of relief when she saw they were both fine. 
“Where’s Lunde?” Emily asked, and she realised then Cyrus had followed her down into the shelter, two of his men grabbing handfuls of guns she had never seen before, likely imported out of country, and returning to the ground level, preparing for more shooting. 
“It wasn’t us,” Cyrus replied, as if that negated the fact their recklessness had gotten the agent killed. 
“What? You can’t shoot it out with the cops, you have children in here,” Emily seethed, her voice harsh and incredulous.
“I didn’t start this,” Cyrus bit back, looking towards his men as they grabbed boxes on boxes of ammunition, “I’ll take the front, you take the roof,” 
And with that they stormed their way back through the tunnels, leaving the three of them to look between each other, knowing this could only end badly. Knowing the only people that could figure out how to get them out of this mess was the BAU, all 1,700 miles away. 
They’d been in the bunker for fourteen hours when there was finally movement. The shooting seemed to have quietened down, in which Spencer whispered it was around 11pm and it was likely neither party had a clear shot. She’d managed to fall asleep leaning against the wall, Emily’s blazer draped over her legs. She’d regretted wearing cropped pants, despite how the shade of green complimented her eyes nicely, and she’d been shivering by the time she fell asleep, Emily’s hands stroking her hair gently as if she knew she was struggling to relax. 
She hadn’t realised she was staring at her little sister, frowning even as she slept, which made part of her want to laugh, until she caught Spencer’s tired eyes looking between them, something knowing and warm in his gaze. 
“You know, she’s always scowled in her sleep, ever since she was born,” Emily said, quiet enough it didn’t interrupt the hum of small snores, the odd baby cry that filled the bunker, but loud enough for him to smile at her, “She used to sleep walk terrible too. I’d find her in the kitchen trying to make pancakes with a cheese grater. It’s like that big brain of hers doesn’t know how to shut off,” Emily shook her head with a fatigue, rubbing her eyes. 
“Was it weird? Being fourteen years older?” Spencer asked, his own hands shoved into his sleeves to try defend from the draught. Emily thought for a moment, her hand slowing for a second on her sister's hair, before she answered. 
“I felt guilty leaving her in that house with my mom when I went to college,” Emily answered, Bugsy unconsciously tucking her face closer into the jacket, “I think part of her kind of hated me for it for a while.” She went quiet, the shame in her voice thick as the silence that encompassed them, “She’s never been very affectionate you know? Before her graduation I don’t think I’d hugged her in twelve years,”
Spencer held himself back from pointing out that she had been just as touchy with him since they’d met, and that maybe it was Emily’s own regret that seemed to shut the both of them down. He wasn’t one to rub salt in the wound, not since he’d gotten this job and learned to watch what he said. 
He didn’t know what to say, didn’t want to give her advice, knowing the whole subject of their slowly repairing relationship was a sore one. He had no siblings of his own, had a mother who loved him despite how much she grappled with her own mind, and he had only known the girl briefly enough to consider her a friend at a push. 
“I always thought the two of you were similar,” Emily chose to continue, offering him a small smile. He returned it, his face blushing at the fact that was a huge compliment to him, “Granted, you roll your eyes at me less and don’t act like I’m dumb, but you remind me of her,” 
“Thankyou, I wish that were true,” He replied, eyes flicking to her sleeping form, the way her eyebrows were indeed scrunched in a permanent frown. He wondered if she was actually angry, or if she was just thinking hard, perhaps her dreams were full of equations or labs she needed to sort through. Either way, he wanted to know. “She’s much cooler than I’ll ever be,” 
Emily snorted, shuffling against the wall to cosy herself, “That’s one way to put it,” She said, smiling over at him as he did the same, his head resting against the wall, Bugsy’s legs stretching out to knock against his feet, and he didn’t mind that she scuffed the bottom of his already dirty trousers. “Get some sleep,”
And so they did. 
Cyrus had corralled the whole flock into the church, where the shooting had stopped and the bodies had been removed, stating at the break of dawn that there was a hostage negotiator coming in to make sure everyone was safe before they made any deals. 
She sat next to Spencer, the three of them stiff from their sleeping arrangements, and her stomach churned with hunger. It had been over 24 hours since they’d gotten here, and besides the small bit of bread and water Cyrus gave everyone for breakfast, she was starving. 
“Remind me to never leave the house, ever again,” She grumbled, as everyone waited in the pews for the negotiator to arrive, “My cat is gonna be pissed I’ve not fed him,” 
“Since when did you get a cat?” Emily inputted from the other side of Reid, keeping one eye on the door in case any agents start shooting again. 
The girl shrugged, “I got lonely, there’s not much to do now I’m not studying anymore,” 
Reid watched how she clutched her stomach, feeling his own complaining at the lack of nutrition, “Morgan wasn’t lying when he said you should sign up for the academy. We could always use the help, we wouldn’t have solved that case in Baltimore without you,” 
She snickered, nudging his foot with her boot, “You’re being modest, you would have done it just fine,”
He was a little, wasn’t surprised she called his bluff either. “Okay, so probably yes- but it would have taken us a whole lot longer. Mr Chernus likely would have died,” 
She shook her head, glancing at Emily who watched her carefully, “That was all you guys. I just translated.”
Emily and Spencer exchanged a glance, leaning back in their uncomfortable seats calmly. 
“You’re probably right,” Spencer said, dusting the dirt off his trousers, “Probably couldn’t handle it, high intensity mind games and such,”
She blanched, looking at him as if he’d grown a second head, not knowing him to be so brutally honest, realistic yes, but not bordering on rude. 
“And it’s a lot of work,” Emily jumped in, her mouth a straight line, “I don’t know if you’d be dedicated enough,”
Bugsy scoffed, indifferently. “I have a masters degree, I was offered a scholarship to do a PHD, asked to be an assistant professor at Yale, I can work hard, Emily,” She snipped, and perhaps she was particularly just hangry or they had struck a nerve with their doubt, “and I could do it if I wanted to, I’d have the best shot they’d ever seen, guaranteed- mom made me take lessons when you left- trust me I could do it-”
She shut up when she saw their small smile exchanged, as if she’d told them a joke, or moreso they’d had the same identical thought and that alone was hilarious. 
Scowling at them, she looked from where Spencer looked almost, almost, guilty at making her the butt of the joke, to where Emily had a ‘told you so’ smirk, and she kissed her teeth at their childishness. 
“Are you guys reverse psychology-ing me? Seriously, so original guys,” She snapped, crossing her arms and straightening herself in her seat, ignoring the snigger that passed between them. 
“You’re not wrong though,” Emily replied quietly as Cyrus walked past them, his eyes falling to them with a frown. Bugsy kept her head down, heeding Emily’s warning of not provoking anyone, and Spencer eyed the way she leaned closer to him.
If she was going to retaliate, whether agreeing or not, she stopped herself, the doors the church opening and an older gentleman walking through the doors, arms full of supplies she’d figured must have been part of the negotiation. He was patted down by an armed guard, searching for his own weapons do doubt, or a wire perhaps, as he handed the box over to another who took it without a thankyou. 
“Rossi,” She heard Reid whisper beside her, and from the look he shot Emily and Spencer she gathered he was from the BAU, just as they’d expected. His eyes fell on her, softening as alot of Emily’s team did when they saw the two of them, as if they were picking her face apart for the tiny ways in which she resembled their Prentiss, or maybe it was the way she curled up in her seat, tired, hungry, on the defence. He just looked sorry for her. 
 “The children,” Cyrus said with no greeting, the air between them particularly frosty. He gestured towards the three of them, though Rossi had already clocked their tired faces staring at him with worry, “And our guests,”
She saw him trying not to react, guessing they had not let it slip to Cyrus he worked with the two undercover FBI agents, looking away from them as if the sight of their forlorn figures was enough to turn him sick. 
Judging by the way Cyrus and he spoke quietly, tensely, Bugsy just hoped they had a plan to get them out of here soon as he soon left with a rigid handshake to the man keeping them hostage. 
The three of them had been moved to a backroom a few hours later. Her stomach ached, the little sustenance Rossi had brought being distributed to the community before they’d been offered anything, which hadn’t left much. Reid and Emily had tried to get her to take some of their sharing, and despite how her insides cried out for it, she declined, stating they would be more use than she would; that they needed their strength more than her if they were going to get out of here alive. 
The two of them hadn’t liked that answer judging by the frowns on their faces, but they sat in their seats with little fuss as they waited for things to quieten down after Cyrus’ staged “mass suicide” that had turned out to be nothign more than a test of loyalty and grape juice. 
They had been sat in silence, aside from her foot bouncing on the floor impatiently, as she picked at the threads on her pants, the material uncomfortable on her skin after a day of wearing it. The door slammed open, Cyrus entering the room with nasty scowl. She didn’t know what had changed in the man in a matter of hours as he stormed over to them, two of his men behind him, loaded rifles in their arms. 
This was not good. 
“Which one of you is it?” He asked almost too calm for his demeanour, his eyes flicking between the three of them, where Emily attempted to brush her hair using her fingers, Reid played with the hem of his cardigan, an she sat beside him, resting against the cold stone wall behind them, her eyes narrowing at his furious expression. 
The three of them remained silent, waiting for him to explain more, though clearly it was not the answer he was looking for as he threw his jacket open, revealing a loaded pistol tucked into his jeans. Drawing it into his dominant hand, her body tensed up, her back straightening like a rod as she looked up at him through fear. 
“Which one of you is the FBI agent?” He repeated in that same calm tone, and her heart fell through her stomach. 
She opened her mouth to say something in retaliation, though the way she saw his hand shaking with fury, she knew it was better to stay quiet in case her voice would be the final straw that made him trigger happy. 
“Why do you think one of us is an FBI agent?” Spencer replied softly, and if he was panicking even a fraction amount she was he held it back, though his eyes flicked to Emily. 
But it was a tell. The smallest movement alone was a tell he was lying, or perhaps it was the fact he’d answered a question with one of his own, distracting from the attention on them with the unsubs own answers. Maybe his quiet and calm showed how trained he was for a situation like this, showed he had gone up against bad guys before and won. 
Whatever it was about him, it had Cyrus cocking the barrel of the gun straight at Spencer’s temple. 
“God forgive me for what I must do,” The preacher murmured, his finger moments away from the trigger, when she lurched forward in her seat, hand shooting out to grab his wrist deathly tight. 
“It’s me,” 
She hadn’t realised she’d said it until the room went quiet. She thought for a moment it had come from Emily, Emily had always been the braver of the two of them, but it wasn’t until Cyrus’ unforgiving, dark gaze fell to her where she froze in her spot, that she understood her mouth had been the one moving. 
Emily looked as if she was about to vomit, Spencer looked dumbfounded, but all she could do was stare back at Cyrus as if to will herself not to back down, knowing all three of them could fall victim if she gave them reason to doubt her; he could kill all three of them just to be sure the mystery agent was dealt with.
“It’s me,” She repeated, voice stronger this time, and she felt her chest relax just the tiniest amount as he turned the gun away from Spencer’s head. 
He stared back at her for a moment, before the weapon smacked across her face in a sharp whip, her cheekbone crying out in a sting she knew was going to bruise. 
He grabbed her hair at the nape of her neck, yanking her into a stand hard enough she yelped, despite not wanting to give him the satisfaction of the torture. 
“Watch the other two,” Cyrus barked, dragging her out of the room as she squirmed under his hand, feeling it only tighten into an unforgiving pull. 
She barely caught Emily bolting out of her seat to yell at the other men, all but fighting in their heavy grasp to follow wherever it was he was taking her, only for the door to be slammed shut behind them. 
It was only then she realised how fucked she truly was. 
She struggled to breath through the blood clotting in her nose. She didn’t think it was broken, not that she could check where her hands had been tied to the bedpost, tape over her mouth to stop her calling for help, her feet bound. She’d done nothing but give him hell as he’d been laying into her, keeping her cries and groans of pain silent as he’d kicked her in the ribs hard enough to know he’d damaged something at least. 
She’d not made it easy for him to tie her down, worried about what they were planning next, she’d managed to headbutt him in the mouth, and the way he clutched at his jaw when he’d left gave her a sick satisfaction, though her temple now hurt more than she’d like to admit. But they’d only covered her mouth after she’d screamed obscenities at them for an hour or so, hoping to attract attention, hoping if the BAU were on their way, Emily and Reid would be able to find her fast before they could dispose of her. 
Bugsy didn’t want to go like this. Tied up like cattle, gagged and beaten, the spirit kicked out of her as the dehydration gnawed at her limbs, making her too weak to even try wriggling out of the binds. 
She felt herself dropping off to sleep, or maybe it was a concussion, he’d slammed her face into that mirror quite viciously, she wouldn’t be surprised if it had rattled her head around. Fighting with her eyelids to stay open, she jumped in her battered skin as the door unlatched, and she thrashed on the rickety bed to get away from the impending second beating. 
But it wasn’t Cyrus. A fawn haired woman entered, her eyes falling on the girl on the bed, where blood trickled down her cheek, pouring from her nose like a thick liquor. Frowning, she was on high alert as the woman approached, a small, damp cloth in her hand. 
“Relax, I’m not going to hurt you honey,” She hushed, approaching the young girl. Bugsy didn’t believe her for one second, her head pulling away from her as far as it could, her eyes wild and distrustful as the woman kneeled down beside the bed. “I’m Kathy,”
Bugsy debated jabbing an elbow in her face then and there, telling her in few words to stay as far away from her as possible, that the moment she was free she didn’t care who she hurt; she was getting out of here even if she had to crawl. 
“That woman’s your sister right?” The blonde said, and the words stopped her heart for a moment, giving the woman the chance to run the cloth over the dribble of blood, “Emily,”
“Where is she?” She tried to ask, but the gag made it little more than a muffled cry, the woman’s eyes turning down in sadness. Pity. Bugsy hated every second of it.
“She’s okay, she’s worried about you though,” Kathy said, wiping under her nose, making her wince at the feeling, “Put up a hell of a fight after they took you away,” 
She must have rolled her eyes, or perhaps it was just telling on her face that that didn’t surprise her as the older woman wiped over the superficial cut on her forehead she hadn’t realised was deep until the cloth went over it and she yawped like a dog having it’s tail pulled. 
“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Kathy cooed, and she seemed genuinely guilty as she did. She tutted, shaking her head, fighting the urge to smooth the girls hair down the way she did when her own daughter was upset, “Emily said they’ll be coming for us at 3am, Cyrus has a mass suicide planned but they think they can stop him, you just have to hold on a little longer honey,” 
“I want to see her,” Bugsy tried to talk again despite her mouth being covered, only for it to come out unintelligible once more. Huffing, she resigned herself to glaring at the ceiling, biting back frustrated tears. Kathy seemed to want to say something else, but thought better of it as the twenty something year old turned away from her to stare out the window, as if she were being dismissed. 
Sighing, she rose from the bed and headed for the door, praying the FBI would get them out in time, before Cyrus put his plan into action. 
Bugsy didn’t start panicking until it hit 2:50. She’d managed to kick the small analogue clock on the beside into working, the red numbers seeming to take a millenia to change over. 
Yet it wasn’t until 3am neared, and the hallways remained silent, did she start to wonder if Kathy had been telling the truth at all. What if they had found out Emily and Reid were FBI and not her? What if they’d already been caught?
She really had wanted to see Emily, wanted to scream at the woman, who had meant well, to bring her sister to her or she would make every damn bible basher in this compound regret the day they were born. She felt helpless. She despised feeling helpless. 
It was only when she heard shots rattling from outside did the cold fear set in. 2:52. Any minute now. 
It was then an even worse thought struck her. What if they didn’t bother to come for her? Reid and Emily were safe downstairs, at least that was how Kathy had made it seem. If they got the women and children, the agents out first, she wondered if they would leave her for last since she wasn’t their top priority. 
2:53 stared back at her. 
At least Emily would make it. She was more important, had more going for her. She was supposed to be an only child anyway, mom had said it herself. Bugsy was the product of a failing marriage and a shared bottle of 1896 Bourbon that had been a wedding gift they’d never opened. 
2:54.
She could have sworn she tore something the way her head snapped to the door as it swung open on its hinges, as if two large men had thrown their weight into it. But it wasn’t two men at all, just one frantic Derek Morgan with an FBI grade assault rifle. 
The relief in his eyes was immediate, and he pulled a pocket knife from his boot, rushing over to where she lay, almost in shock, wondering if he was real at all, her heart pounding as she heard shouting in the corridor. 
“I’m gonna get you out, kid,” The man promised, slinging his gun over his shoulder as he sliced through the rope on her ankles, her eyes trained on the 2:55 that watched them as if to laugh at them. 
She whimpered, cursing behind her gag when she heard footsteps pounding through the hallway, and she was sure they were going to get caught. She thought then it would have been better if they’d forgotten about her, that at least Derek would have been safe, and he could have made sure the children got out safely, could have gotten Spencer and Emily medical. 
Derek whirled on the doorway the same as she did as a tall figure all but skidded around the corner, his legs weak as hers felt, too long and not at all built for running. Clumsy almost. 
Spencer. She should have known from the way he looked white as a sheet the moment he saw her it was him, but maybe she really did have concussion, as it seemed within moments he was fussing over her face, tearing a little too sharply at the tape over her mouth. 
She thinks she groaned, or maybe cursed him out, as he started apologising immediately, his eyes a puppy kind of sad as she stared up at him, Derek handing him the knife to cut her arms free. 
He was talking, but she couldn’t make a lot of it out, just that he was really sorry, it was 2:56 now. It was like her brain switched itself back on when she realised she was free, and the two of them were trying to haul her to her feet. 
“Come on, princess, we gotta get out of here,” Derek said, as Spencer looped an arm around her waist, helping her limp across the room where her weak limbs did little to hold her upright, her ribs throbbing with every step, “We managed to stop Cyrus from detonating it manually, but the circuits are all still live,”
Morgan took the lead with the rifle, knowing some of Cyrus’ men had stayed to look for them, that they would go down with the building even though he’d already shot their leader the moment they’d breached the front door, because that was how loyal they were. They’d proven so already with the wine. 
She kept her groans behind tight lips as they made it down the stairs, knowing Spencer didn’t mean to hold her bruised bones so tight, that he was just worried and her legs were doing the bare minimum to keep them both moving very fast. It wasn’t until they made it within a few feet of the door that they seemed to pick up the pace.
And she saw why. 
Jesse, Cyrus’ child bride that had been the reason they’d come here in the first place was holding the detonator, her face tear streaked at the sight of her husband and prophet dead on the floor, the people responsible all but dragging a lame girl through the foyer and to the doors as if they hadn’t killed a handful of her flock tonight. 
Bugsy saw the moment Jesse decided she wanted vengeance on them, but then, she guessed Spencer had already acted as he slung one of her arms over his shoulder, yanking her out the front door in a matter of seconds as Morgan pulled up the rear, and the two men shoved her down behind the small wall outside the church steps. 
Bugsy expected the bang to be louder as the rubble flew over their heads, the floor shaking with the impact of the bomb detonating, and it was then she realised one of Derek’s large warm hands held her head into his shoulder, protecting her already rattled skull as best as he could. Spencer had done the same, throwing half his body over her back as he covered his ears, the two men tucking into the wall tightly and waiting for the dust to settle. 
Spencer started coughing first, though his position over her never faltered, and she heard his chest wheezing, and knew they needed to move away from the thick smog that blew into their faces. Morgan released her ear, tipping her head back to check her over once more. 
“Kid! You okay?” He fretted, noticing the way her nose had started bleeding again from all the movement; the way the bruise had already started blotching her cheek from where Cyrus pistol whipped her. 
“I didn’t think you’d come for me,” Was all she could say, and Derek thought it was the saddest he’d ever heard her. 
Reid was pulling her to her feet then, where he was still hovering over her, despite the fact the blast had already cleared,  still sputtering and hocking up a lung, but it didn’t stop her from throwing herself at his middle, burying her face in his dusty sweater, not caring one bit if he jostled her aching ribs. 
He was trying to be gentle with her as he squeezed her back, but she knew by the way he pressed his face into her hair he needed it just as badly. 
“You saved my life,” He said, his long arms wrapping around her waist, hauling her whole body against his. 
She laughed through a cough, their cheeks brushing past one another as she pulled him in tighter, thankful, relieved. 
“You saved mine,” 
And then she heard Emily. Emily, who sounded frantic and heartbroken as she called for her, her voice breaking as if she was crying, or atleast on the verge of, and as comforting as Spencer’s long arms around her cracked ribs were, she needed to see her sister was okay. 
Ripping herself from his embrace immediately, she tore off after the sound, and there she was. Her older sister, who had always seemed immovable, like she wouldn’t so much as budge for a bucking horse, like water couldn’t drown her, or however many unsubs she’d faced could stop her from catching them. Her older sister, who looked like she’d taken a few punches of her own, judging by the blood on her blue blouse, that looked around the crowd of fleeing people with watery eyes and a shaking bottom lip.
“EMILY,” She yelled, her voice a bleat, a lamb calling for its mother, as she sprinted down the steps, whatever strength she had left carrying her to where Emily was rushing towards her, taking the stairs in threes, “EM-”
She crashed into her sister’s chest, and it was only then she started crying. 
“I swear I’ll never give you trouble again, I’ll never talk back, I’ll never be a bitch ever again-” It was all a slew of mumbles against her sisters shirt, that was beginning to wet through at the rate the tears were coming, “I thought he was going to shoot you-”
“I was so scared, Bug, oh my god,” Emily murmured into her hair, squeezing the life out of her baby sister that sniffled and sobbed, “You don’t ever, ever do that to me again,”
Bugsy shook her head, clawing at Emily’s back as she pulled her closer, feeling Emily stroking her hair softly to calm her even in the slightest. They stayed like that until she managed to wrangle her sobs into little sniffs, the fire burning her eyes where it burned the rest of the church to ashes. 
She stayed with Emily for a month after that. 
+4. The one where you leave the altar. 
She knew she was turning heads, walking down the street of a drizzly day in Virginia, hair wet and sticking to her face, makeup running down her cheeks, and the sodden, dove white wedding dress clasped in her hands as she paced towards the government building. 
Whether the guards recognised her as the Ambassador’s daughter, or whether they really didn’t want to get into it with a bride looking like that on her day, she didn’t know, but they opened the door for her nonetheless, exchanging raised brows as a trail of wet followed her gown over the marble floors. 
Heading up the desk, she flashed her driver's licence, which was enough to gain her a visitors pass she didn’t bother putting to use as she headed for the elevator, her ballet pumps squeaking under the body of the dress. Waiting for the doors to start closing when she finally let a few tears slip, burying her face into her cold, drenched palms, undoubtedly making the mess of mascara even worse. 
Her heart gave a leap when she heard someone stop the doors, hoping she could get to her sister with little delay, and she quickly wiped her face with whatever was left of her pretty, dobby cloth shawl she had yanked on before she’d ran. 
Whatever excuse she was about to give, whatever one liner she was about to drop to clear the awkwardness this agent was about to walk in on was sucked out of her when she saw Spencer staring at her, his briefcase in his hands he’d used to hold the doors, a wide eyed look plastered on his face as soon as he saw her state. 
“Bugsy,” It was somewhere between surprise and sadness, jumping into the elevator before the metal could shut again, the button for the sixth floor already lit up in a ring of red, “What are you- I didn’t even know…”
“Spencer!” As seemed to be a common occurrence between them now, she threw two very cold arms over his shoulders, tugging him for a hug he quickly reciprocated, feeling like she needed it in the moment, “It was so awful, I just couldn’t all those people staring at me, and he- I just feel so-”
“Hey slow down,” He soothed, slipping his favourite cardigan off his body to put over her shoulders, ignoring the way he cringed as it quickly got sodden, “Let’s get you to Emily, I’m sure we can fix this,”
She nodded, though he could tell she was still shaken up, the elevator dinging to a stop on the fifth floor where an agent looked ready to step in, his face dropping when he saw the sight. 
“Sorry, we’re full,” Spencer said, with little room for discussion, pressing the button to close the doors once more, and taking her by the elbow as she began shivering, “We’re gonna be just fine, you look beautiful,”
She laughed sadly with a roll of her eyes, the tears sticking to her cheeks. She knew she looked no better than a drowned rat, windswept and disgruntled, her dress full of muck from the street. 
“Thankyou, Spencer,” She mumbled, the door sliding open to the sixth floor, where Penelope and her everlasting smile greeted her favourite boy genius. 
She almost dropped her glitter pen when she saw the woman stood next to him looking like Dorothy dragged through the twister. 
“Oh you poor little lamb, what has happened to you honey!” She all but cried, the cute little pom poms in her hair bouncing as she brought Bugsy closer, taking her hands tightly. “Your hands are ice! You’ll catch cold with that wet hair, and your gorgeous dress-” 
“Garcia,” Spencer cut her off, though the woman didn’t seem to mind being manhandled into the kind grip, he guessed her state had her letting her guard down, “This is Bugsy, Emily’s little sister.”
Penelope gasped, her ponytails swishing around some more, the gems on her glasses as bright as the light in her eyes as she yanked the younger girl in for a tight hug. 
“It is so nice to meet you! Emily talks about you all the time,” She said, pulling away and fumbling through her pockets for her fresh pink handkerchief she always carried around, mopping up the girl's eyeliner. 
“She-she does?” Bugsy asked, sniffling, her body trembling as the AC beat down through the water ladened on her body. 
“Of course she does, come on, let’s go get you coffee, I have a new machine in my office that makes the best espresso-” Garcia grabbed her hand as if they were kids in the playground, as if she’d known the girl years, which she sort of had. She had, of course, stalked every single one of Emily’s known relatives, even a distant cousin that never left Europe, and that had thrown up the quiet corner of the internet that Bugsy took up.
“I needed to talk to my sister, if that’s okay,” Bugsy braved enough to say, the swishing of her dress on the carpet making her wince, practically hearing the gallon of rain that soaked the expensive fabric. 
“Ofcourse! How silly of me, I’ll bring it out right to you, little bug. You just go with Spencer,” Handing him the handkerchief, she set off towards her ‘bat cave’ in search of a hot beverage for the shivering woman, “Spencer, clean her makeup!” 
He did as he was told, dabbing the water off her face as he led her to the BAU, where Emily and Morgan sat on their desks, chatting as they finished off lunch, Emily flicking through photos on her phone of baby Henry that JJ had sent over to her that morning from maternity leave. 
“He’s just the sweetest little boy, he’s got the biggest blue eyes just like Jayj,” She said through a smile, “You know Will even said-”
“Holy shit-” Morgan cut her off, and she glanced at him, wondering about his use of a curse. Following his eyes over her shoulder, she swivelled in her position to see where Spencer led a very wet, shaken version of her little sister through the doors of the BAU, a snowy ball gown hanging off her, a veil clinging to her hair that had seen much better days. 
“Holy shit,” She agreed, immediately darting for the girl that tugged Spencer’s cardigan tighter to her body, “Bugsy,” 
“Emily, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t take up too much time- I just couldn’t do it- and I know mom’s always saying ‘Bring home a doctor, bring home a rich man,’ but I just couldn’t no matter how rich his daddy is, he wasn’t even too bad-” It all came out in a slur, not making too much sense, and she didn’t stop until Emily held up her hands, as if easing a wild dog. 
“Woah, take it easy, kiddo,” Morgan hushed, as Emily brought a hand over her sister’s cheek, wiping away the last of the mascara, “What happened?”
Bugsy took a deep breath, looking between Emily and Derek, feeling the rain drip down her back. 
“So a few weeks ago, Mom made me go to that stupid debutante ball,” She started, rolling her eyes already as Emily winced, knowing Elizabeth loved any excuse to dress her youngest up like a Barbie doll. 
“I hated those things,” She confessed, shaking her head, “I thought you’d agreed you didn’t have to go to them anymore,”
“That was while I was in college, she said at least I could focus on my studies,” The girl explained, as Garcia tottered back through the office, a steaming cup of coffee in her beloved Bratz mug. Taking it from the chirpy woman, she took a deep gulp, not caring if it burned her mouth as she wished for the damn chill to go away, “Thankyou- But she made me go to this one on the condition she would pay off some of my college loans, and I was dumb enough to fall for her bribe,” 
She huffed, taking another sip, her stomach warming with the hot liquid settling through her throat. 
“You know how she is at these things, she knows everyone, and everyone knows her. I had four guys asking for my dance card within minutes of arriving there, it was like trying to walk through a dog pound wearing a meat suit, all the hand holding, trying to touch my waist- one guy even called me Madam Prentiss,” She grimaced, shuddering at the thought of it, “Madam? No one even calls mom that-”
“Focus,” Emily reminded gently, and she seemed to nod to herself, setting back on track.
“Right. And then he was there. Byron Hastings.” Bugsy said, wrapping her hands around the mug some more. 
“Oh, isn’t he that super yummy bachelor that just inherited his fathers business?” Garcia jumped in, not noticing how it made her wince, “I hear his dad totally owns a bunch of shares in Facebook and as like just signed a deal with a new company that will change the future of computing-” 
“Not now, baby girl,” Morgan said calmly, patting Penelope on her shoulder when she saw the bride’s crestfallen face.
“Right, sorry. Your turn, little bug,” She said, shaking her head and fiddling with her dozen rings. 
“Yeah, that’s him.” She replied, running a slightly warmed finger over her eyelash where rain even collected there, “And you know, I wasn’t complaining, he was certainly easy on the eyes, and he smelled nice, like he just smelled rich, but man alive he was so boring,” She sighed, “I like computers as much as the next girl, no offence, but he didn’t once ask me what I was into or, and when I tried to bring up my degree he just patted me on the head and said ‘That’s nice’ like I was some child that had brought him a pretty colouring or something,”
“Ouch,” Emily grimaced, rubbing her arms over the cardigan to warm her up a little more, “And then?” 
“And eventually, his dad and my mom cut a deal that we’d make a good pair. He said we could be married within the season, and suddenly everyone seemed up for it, and it was like no matter how hard I tried to dig my heels in, no one would listen, and mom just seemed so pleased with me-” She spluttered, sipping her drink to catch her breath, “I just let it happen and just thought, you know, maybe we could learn to like each other, or we could just be like mom and dad and separate in everything but paper,” 
“It’s your life, who is she to tell you how you’re gonna live it,” Emily was outraged, the tip of her nose pink, her dark eyes stormy as her hands fell to her hips, huffing as if it had been her backed into a corner, “I can’t believe she would do this to you,” 
“I was fine with it, really. It's not like its the fifteenth century when I’d be forced to consummate- anyway,” Bugsy rubbed her face, “I just got there, and mom put on my veil and told me I’d make a lovely Mrs Hastings, and just the sound of it- I couldn’t-”
“What on earth is going on?” A new voice cut through the BAU, and the group disbanded like kids caught trading answers to the homework. Rossi and Hotch stood by the unit chief’s office, brows furrowed at the wet bride and his team that tended to her as if she were a princess. 
“Should we be expecting four wet bridesmaids too?” Rossi asked, the two of them making the steps down to the floor, approaching the guilty faced woman, noting Spencer’s cardigan wrapped over her shoulders. 
“Nope, just me,” Her joke fell flat as she met the stony face of Aaron Hotchner, who looked thoroughly unimpressed, “Nice to see you again, Mr Hotchner, sir,” 
His gaze slid to Emily, mouth opening to share whatever scathing remark bounced around his mouth, but the younger girl beat him to it, everyone’s eyebrows raising when she all but cut him off. 
“This wasn’t on Emily, sir, I just showed up out of the blue, I can go- I’ll go- I just need to figure out where I’m staying since I left my purse at the church- don’t you worry I’ll be out of your hair, Aaro- sir,” Bugsy stammered, plonking the mug onto Emily’s desk, backing away to the doors of the office, clutching her visitor pass tight in her fist. 
Maybe it was because she looked so hopeless, or maybe it was the way his team shot him the same look of horror he would be so regimental, or maybe even it was the fact part of her reminded him of Sean, only his brother wouldn’t have had the courtesy to apologise for his mess. 
Sighing, he gestured her to come back, “Wait,” He said her name, her government name because the other one didn’t fit right in his mouth, “Reid, get her some clothes out your go bag. Emily, tell your mother she’s safe and will be staying in Quantico until you can figure something out,” 
Heaving a sigh of relief, she launched her still sodden form at the chief, wrapping him in a stiff hug, bolder than anyone else on the team had ever dared to be. 
“I swear to god, Mr Hotchner, the next letter you're getting will be the best one yet,” She mumbled into his hard chest, and he fought off the way the corners of his lips twitched upwards. Patting her on the back gently, he ignored the way his dress shirt wet through. 
let me know what you think! mAYBE A FEW MORE PARTS COMING UP ??
Edit: This is a part one of 3 or 4 I have planned, thankyou so much for all the love on this I did not expect the reaction 🥺🥺
SECOND EDIT: part two and three are out now!! Have a look at the top where it says ‘next chpt and it’s there bbys!!
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sytoran · 9 months
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𝐃𝐎𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒 | barbie!wanda
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Having been a Barbie her whole life, Wanda hasn’t got a clue about how her newly-human body works. Thankfully, you happen to be the best gynecologist in town.
pairing: innocent!barbie!wanda x fem!gynecologist!reader
word count: 2054
warnings: smut (18+), not exactly a dark fic - surprisingly consensual given the circumstances, just barbie!wanda exploring her identity and being corruptibly cute
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Wanda didn’t quite know what to expect when she stepped foot into the gynecology centre. It’s to learn more about your body, Natasha had said, urging her to go. The doctors there will help you. 
She hopes her doctor is nice.
.
“Name?”
“Wanda Barbara Maximoff.”
“Your queue number is 476. Please proceed to Room B when your number is shown on the screen.”
“Okay.”
.
The metal handle of the door is cold.
That’s the first thing Wanda registers when her right hand meets the shiny surface. It’s a contrast to the warm blood that flows within her body, thrumming in her veins and sliding under the surface of her supple skin.
Temperature. Texture. Telltale emotions.
It’s a whole new world, really, with a human body. Wanda certainly isn’t used to existing within one that isn’t Barbie-like. 
She can’t jump out a window and fly two floors down without breaking any bones. (You don’t want to know the story behind that.) 
She can’t walk out of the house in full-body neon pink, either. (That one can be achieved with a severe lack of others’ opinion, but Wanda gets this human thing they call ‘anxiety’.)
Change.
That’s what it’s called, experiencing new things, and that’s what this is about.
Wanda pushes down the door handle. She can do this.
.
“First time?”
“Uhm, yes.”
The doctor’s back is facing Wanda, going clickety-clackety on the computer that actually works and is not made of plastic. It’s a female gynecologist, just like she requested. (Wanda loves women! She’s all for strong and independent women.) 
Wanda probably staring at the back of the doctor’s head a little too hard, but then the doctor swivels in her chair, finally turning to face Wanda, and turns out Wanda actually can’t do this anymore.
“Hi, I’m Doctor Y/N, and I’m your gynecologist.”
.
(This Barbie is going through gay panic, except she doesn’t know it.)
Of all the things that could possibly happen to her, of course Wanda's gynecologist is the most attractive person she’s ever laid her eyes on.
This was not how this was supposed to go. Wanda’s brain is short-circuiting, and she has this new feeling coursing through her body that causes her heart rate to speed up exponentially. It’s new. And different. And oddly nice.
“Wanda? You alright, sweetheart?”
The blonde snaps out of it with a flushed face, snapping her jaw shut. Sweetheart? Vision – a Ken – had tried calling her that once. She didn’t like it.
Sweetheart.
Wanda decides that she likes the way you say it.
“Yep. I’m right here. Sorry.”
You get this side smile on your face for a moment, something flickering in your eyes as you stare at Wanda, and it causes the biggest shiver to run down her spine. 
Wanda’s heart is palpitating uncontrollably. If anyone heard it right now she’d probably die of embarrassment.
You pull out a stethoscope.
F***. (She learnt that word from Tony.)
.
Wanda’s skin burns under your touch, as you place the medical instrument over her chest, listening keenly to her heartbeat. 
The blonde thinks she’s going to pass out, with the way you move your rolling chair over so close your legs could touch hers.
“It’s quite fast,” you murmur, your voice taking on a lower tone, and Wanda has to physically swallow before her heart breaks through the constraints of her ribcage.
“O-oh,” Wanda responds breathily, a lot higher-pitch than she had anticipated, and she swears your eyes darken just a tad bit. (She doesn’t know what that implies. But it’s kind of hot.)
“Turn around,” you continue, moving back slightly to give your patient space. Wanda releases the breath she was holding and steals all the air she can, but when your hands slide up and under the back of her shirt, all that air is lost again.
It takes every cell of Wanda’s existence not to let out a whimper when you apply pressure on the stethoscope, right above the clasp of her bra. 
That new feeling has been amplified by a thousandfold, travelling from your touch to her skin to her heart and right between her legs.
(This Barbie is experiencing lust.)
.
“Alright, I’ve been informed that you’re a rather special case, Wanda,” you comment, not unkindly. “You don’t have any past medical records. So today I just want to check that everything is in good condition. We’ll do a quick pelvic exam to test your sexual and reproductive health, is that alright with you?”
Wanda doesn’t know what a pelvic test is. But she’d do anything you told her to, honestly, so she just nods.
“Okay, so you need to strip and lay down on the bed for me.”
“...Huh?”
(This Barbie is thinking dirty thoughts.)
.
Wanda is clothed in a blue surgical gown. She doesn’t know whether to be thankful or disappointed for that.
All she knows is that the material is scratchy against her chest (or more specifically, her nipples are all tingly — she’s not quite sure what that means yet, but it feels strangely good), and that your gloved hands are spreading her thighs open on the operating bed.
Her feet meet the stirrup supports at the end of the bed, knees falling open, and the way you move your rolling chair between her legs in a swift motion has Wanda questioning how she ever entertained the idea of liking Kens.
Your hands run down the expanse of her thighs — probably a little longer than you should have, not that Wanda’s complaining — and your gaze locks on the pinkish bareness of Wanda’s pussy.
The reaction is instinctive, non-commital, subconscious. “Uhm,” Wanda whines, trying to close her thighs. She squirms under your inspective gaze, biting into her lip and trying to shift away from the grip of your gloved hands.
She’s so bare, so open, so vulnerable. But that’s not what scares her. It’s the fact that she doesn’t mind, not around you.
You seem to catch wind of this, and don’t release your grip on her thighs. 
Wanda stares at you with her heart hammering in her chest. Wide-eyed and flushed. The pulse grows from her chest to between her legs and that’s never happened before.
“Sweetheart,” you murmur, very softly, and Wanda melts like putty in your arms.
Her knees fall open again.
.
The rest of the examination goes somewhat smoothly.
Save for the embarrassing little squeaks Wanda makes when you peer a little too closely at her cunt, it’s not too bad. 
She knows you’re discerning possible signs of swelling and soreness or something along those medical lines Wanda is hardly an expert in, but what’s more concerning is the warm liquid pooling in her lower belly.
Wanda’s never felt like this before, especially not as a Barbie, especially not this vividly.
When that warmth spreads to the tip of her folds, threatening to emerge on its surface, Wanda’s breath catches in her throat. She doesn’t know what it means that she’s going to be wet.
“All done,” you comment, leaning back, and Wanda’s legs snap shut just as her pussy grows damp, for the first time.
Crisis averted.
“Oh, sweetheart,” you say, almost sadistically, watching her reaction with an amused look. “That’s just the external visual exam. The second part of the pelvic exam is where I get down to the real stuff, yeah? I’m going to have to put my fingers inside you.”
(This Barbie is dangerously close to passing out from skyrocketing levels of libido.)
.
“I normally use lubricant on my gloved fingers for my patients, but I have a feeling you won’t need it,” you comment dryly, casually tugging off your surgical gloves and tossing them into the trashcan.
Wanda is too embarrassed to respond. Her face is flushed, her nipples are extra tingly, and her pussy is thoroughly soaked at this point. 
And you’re just there, sitting between her legs with your hands on her thighs, a very badly hidden smirk on your face.
She kind of wants to slap your dirty mouth. Or maybe kiss it.
“This is a speculum,” you announce, pulling out a metal-hinged tool. “And I’m going to use it to keep your pretty pussy open. Make sure you don’t close up on me again.”
Wanda squeals at your choice of words, slapping your arm in embarrassment. At this point, there’s hardly a need for professionalism, but she’s still not used to the whole thing.
You let a laugh slip from your lips, thoroughly enjoying yourself as you put the medical instrument in place. Wanda’s so pretty, so innocent. 
A more sensual look takes over your features when you’re greeted with the sight of her glistening cunt again. Precious.
“You ready, sweetheart?”
.
“Oh!” The high-pitched noise Wanda makes when two of your fingers push inside her pussy is downright filthy. 
The sensations of your warm fingers bounce all around Wanda’s body and the room. It’s only your fingertips, and you’ve barely moved at all, but Wanda’s slick is dripping and she’s already stimulated like she’s never been before.
“More,” Wanda whines, bringing her hips up, urging you to continue. You press her down by the lower belly, your warm spreading out over her skin.
“This is an examination,” you state, no room for question. Your eyes narrow, and Wanda gulps. “We’re doing it how I like it.”
The blonde looks up at you with those doe-green eyes, pouting adorably, before nodding obediently. She’s been so busy ruling Barbieland that relinquishing all that power for once might certainly be pleasant.
You continue to slowly slide your two fingers in her cunt, and Wanda lets out a whimper. Her body moves with your touch like you’re her puppeteer, but maybe she needs it because this feeling is so, so new.
“Feels s’good,” she gasps, and you want to chastise her because it technically isn’t supposed to feel good, but you see the dizzied look on Wanda’s pretty little face and you relent.
It definitely isn’t the first time you’ve had your fingers in a woman, so your practiced fingers curl with expert ease to find her sweet spot. “Oh!” Wanda moans, louder, lithe body arching on the operation bed.
“Shit,” you swear, fingers curling again so you can see that exact reaction. You start to move, faster, harbouring this carnal desire to make Wanda scream and beg.
She’s so innocent, so corruptible, so easy. 
Sooner than later, you’re bent over Wanda’s body on the bed, wrist hammering in and out of her sweet pussy, finding all the spots that make her weak.
“Pretty girl,” you pant, biting hickeys into collarbone and her breasts. Her blonde locks are splayed out on the pillow, body shaking with each thrust, eyes screwed shut in pleasure, and it’s the most breathtaking sight you’ve ever chanced upon.
You memorise every stroke that makes her arch, every spot that makes her whine — perks of being a gynecologist, you supposed — you find your way around her body like it’s child’s play, and all too soon Wanda’s nearing a hypothetical edge.
“I think- I think I’mna pee,” Wanda cries, clawing at your wrist because the feeling is too much. She can hardly think, at the sheer pace and ferocity of which you were taking her cunt.
“Ever heard of a clitoris?” you question breathlessly, still pummeling your wrist into her soaked pussy. Wanda’s dripping, actually dripping. If she thought she was wet before, she was now soaking the sheets.
“Wh-what?” she responds, equally as breathless. Her mind was all fuzzy, barely registering your question.
“It’s this,” you add, bringing your thumb to harshly press against her swollen and puffy clit.
Wanda screams.
(This Barbie reaches another plane of existence with fantastical pleasure.)
.
It turns out Wanda is a ‘squirter’. She doesn’t know what the implications of that are. 
“Do I need to come back next week?” Wanda asks innocently, knowing full well gynecologist visits only needed to be scheduled once a year. She’s perched on the edge of the bed, back in her clothes.
“Definitely,” you respond, scanning over the test results calmly, like you hadn’t just made Wanda squirt twice in less than thirty minutes. 
“Doctor’s orders?” Wanda asks playfully, purposefully batting her lashes when you look up from your computer.
You don’t bother hiding the chuckle that leaves your lips at her antics. “Yeah, doctor’s orders.”
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a/n: you do not want to know how many health sites i visited to learn about pelvic exams and gynecology. | main m.list
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saturnsbabyboii · 8 months
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✧Saturn Through the Houses✧
(Brought to you by Sailor Saturn)
(It's important to note that Saturn, it's energy and lessons are transcending so you may not completely relate to it's house exclusively, as the the placement of the sign ruler, along with the aspects made to Saturn play a vital role in understanding the planet.)
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Within astrology, the planet Saturn is renowned for its role as a strict but devoted and highly effective mentor and teacher. Its overarching influence and energy are said to challenge us to work diligently, with an unwavering sense of discipline, while also placing a strong emphasis on the importance of responsibility and constraints. Often depicted as a personification of Father Time, Saturn serves as a powerful reminder of the limitations and constraints that time places upon us all. We would make little or no progress if Saturn did not exist. We live in a physical world, and Saturn encourages us to deal with it. Saturn plays a crucial role in bringing order and discipline into our lives. It challenges us to confront the harsh realities of life and helps establish a sense of structure and control. When Saturn influences a particular area of our natal chart, it can cause delays or obstacles. It is often associated with a cold and unyielding nature, earning it the nickname of "heavy" or "leaden." Going against Saturn's influence, would cause your life to turn chaotic and lacking in direction.
As the governor of old age and the lessons that come with it, Saturn is a planet that emphasizes the value of learning life's lessons as we grow older and wiser. It is said to admire the wisdom and authority that comes with age and is often considered the planet of karma, representing the lessons that we must learn in this lifetime. Despite its association with life's more challenging aspects, it is often noted that things tend to improve significantly after the age of thirty, as we become wiser and better equipped to handle life's many challenges.
Saturn represents a wide range of important concepts, aspects, and attributes within life that can be seen in astrology, including concentration, effort, perseverance, time, consequences, old age, authority, discipline, work ethic, life lessons, and karma. It rules the signs of Capricorn and Aquarius and is noted for taking a total of 28-30 years to complete its orbit.
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✧Saturn in the 1st house✧
Dealing with Saturn in the natal chart is never easy, as it is known as the Greater Malefic for a reason. When Saturn is placed in the first house, it gains strength and influence over your life. This placement indicates that your childhood was not as carefree as that other children, this could be especially when it comes to your peers and/or your siblings. You may have had to mature quickly. Your parents expected you to take responsibility for things that a child cannot, and this caused you to experience limitations and hardships. Individuals with Saturn in the first house are also extremely critical of themselves. They may possess a reserved or cautious disposition in social gatherings and exhibit a strong inclination toward maintaining structure and order in their daily lives. This placement may also bring challenges and obstacles to the individual's sense of self-identity. However, with consistent hard work and perseverance, they can effectively conquer these hurdles and gradually cultivate a strong sense of self. 
As an individual with Saturn in the first house, you may have been a timid child and have found it challenging to be spontaneous or feel at ease around others. When encountering a new situation, you tend to approach it with indefinable skepticism and challenge its foundations. You are wary of situations and people, uncovering their machinery step-by-step, and if necessary, dispute them uncompromisingly. People may perceive you as serious and reserved, which can be difficult when trying to make friends or to feel accepted. These perceptions may lead to a diminished sense of self-worth, which can be reinforced by the reactions of others. As you gain more life experience, you will conquer these challenges and enhance your confidence. Surrounding yourself with supportive and understanding individuals can be immensely beneficial in this situation. It is important to choose those who will encourage you to become the best version of yourself rather than force you further down in the covert guise of wanting "what's best for you". Your sense of what's right and what's wrong is stronger than most, so unless you value and respect someone's then I wouldn't recommended taking their advice.
Your appearance and identity are likely closely tied to your status in society. Regardless of your size, complexion and general expression and appearance, it may not have been easy for you to walk through this world earlier in life. This could mark you for a special purpose or destiny. Such a feeling can weigh heavily on you and may prompt you to be ambitious and assume loads of responsibility and leadership at an early age. However, it may also cause you to move through life with a heavy heart and a chip on your shoulder. You might take your life and yourself too seriously and lament that others, especially adults when you were younger, don't live up to their ideals. Because Saturn is related to the 10th and 11th house, respectively, its position in the 1st house suggest you might've been in the public eye since a very young age or you're part of a generational pathology of some sorts that is related to public image, money, business or belonging to an all around strong and influential family.
The first house represents your childhood. Saturn in the first house suggests that you didn't have one, or at least it wasn't perfect or easy, as you were likely seen as the family pillar. You assume the role of provider, both emotionally and literally, very early on. However, if you can't be a child, you won't be able to be an adult later on. Saturn in the first house indicates that you did not have enough time to mature, engage in romantic relationships, or have fun with your friends. You may not have had any friends at all. This could suggest that you experience feelings of anxiety and guilt. Saturn represents your innermost fears, and with it placed in the first house, these apprehensions may be deeply ingrained within you.
People with Saturn in the first house usually had strict parents. With this placement, your relationship with your parents was rarely smooth. When you were a child, you often perceived them as cold and emotionally unavailable. Saturn in the first house people frequently have a parent who has unrealistic expectations and is very strict. You frequently felt judged, and in some cases, you learned to be a harsh judge of yourself as well. Your parent or someone you saw as an authority figure as a child was most likely conservative and traditional and desired to raise you by these principles.
As you mature, you can learn to lighten up and laugh at life and everyone's foibles, including your own. Saturn in the first house teaches you to rely on yourself. Often, you can't rely on anyone except yourself, and rarely on your family. People with Saturn in the first house often had to mature at a young age. Perhaps their family expected them to care for a family member, and Saturn's position in the natal chart placed a heavy burden on their shoulders. The benefit of Saturn in the first house is that you learned self-control and persistence, which will serve you well later in life. You've grown accustomed to hard work and aren't afraid of it.
Being emotionally stunted and being detached are one the hardest lessons you'll have to tackle under Saturn, as it is a survival tactic you had to develop to be able survive yet at some point it won't serve you anymore, as it would in fact harm you later in life. As you heal with time and self work, the sensitive child within you will have it's time to heal and shine. The biggest lesson you'll learn in life is to be able to have a healthy and sustainable a sense of self. 
✧Saturn in the 2nd house✧
The planet Saturn is a challenging presence in one's natal chart. It reveals the karmic lessons that must be learned during this lifetime. If your natal Saturn is in the second house, you must master the art of being self-reliant and working hard. Eventually, you will have to confront your fears and challenges. People with Saturn in the second house are often afraid of financial and material scarcity. They fear being left without any assets to rely on. As a result, they tend to be very frugal with their resources. However, Saturn in the second house also brings a strong sense of responsibility and discipline when it comes to managing finances and possessions. This placement may lead to challenges and delays in accumulating wealth, but with patience and perseverance, financial stability and security can still be achieved. It is important to strike a balance between saving and enjoying the fruits of one's labor, and not become overly attached to material possessions. Saturn in the second house can bring a practical and grounded approach to managing resources and building a solid foundation for the future.
The position of Saturn in the second house of an individual's chart is a significant indicator of long-term financial security. It suggests that nothing is certain and that what one possesses today may be lost tomorrow. Consequently, money becomes a top priority for those with this placement, instilling in them a reluctance to spend irrationally and instead directing their focus towards saving and investing for the future. While Saturn's placement in the second house can bring about prosperity during later years of life, thanks to responsible financial habits, it also represents a fear of losing material possessions and wealth. This fear can sometimes lead to setbacks, even for those who are extremely affluent. This can be a challenging lesson, but Saturn's ways of making money are often obtained through honesty, hard work, perseverance, and consistency. Building up experience over time can also help you become financially successful. Individuals with this placement understand that success is a product of hard work and determination, but Saturn's anxieties are often deeply seeded and require significant effort to overcome. It is imperative to remember that Saturn's challenges tend to subside after one's Saturn return, as they become older and more experienced.
From your childhood to young adult years, you had to learn how to live with minimal help. There may have been a lack of available resources or you had to start working at a young age. This often indicates that you may have come from a less privileged background. Growing up, you may have felt a sense of lack and learned to work hard for what you needed, rather than asking for it. This can sometimes lead to low self-esteem, as you may have compared yourself to others who had more. This can make it difficult for you to charge for what you earned or ask for money, as you may not believe that you are worth it. However, it is important to learn to value yourself more and work on your self-esteem. Remember, there are no get-rich-quick schemes with Saturn in the second house. It may take time and effort, but with dedication and persistence, you can overcome any financial obstacles. Saturn may delay, but it is never denied.
Saturn's biggest lesson for you is that you're worth it. Regardless of what you have, how much you earn, and what you do and don't do with your money and time, you're worthy of being loved, of being appreciated, of being happy.
✧Saturn in the 3rd house✧
Having Saturn in the 3rd house often indicates a serious and disciplined approach to communication and learning. This placement may suggest a cautious or reserved attitude towards expressing oneself and a tendency towards self-criticism or perfectionism in intellectual pursuits.
Saturn in astrology represents constraints, impediments, and delays. Wherever Saturn appears, one can expect to face struggles in some way. People with Saturn in the third house may have difficulty connecting with others, as Saturn represents blockages in this life area, which is the house of communication. Learning to communicate can be a challenging task for them. Their mode of assimilation is demanding and selective, which excludes simple relationships and fanciful innovations. Before accepting a person, an idea, or a formula, they need to sift them through their inflexible will and understand them. They sort out all pieces of information with a serious mind, but also with caution and skepticism. 
People with Saturn in the third house may face speech impediments, require hearing aids, or need specialized education. They may struggle with difficult sibling relationships or experience delays in their education. They may also find it challenging to engage in small talk or make friends, especially with those who live nearby. These individuals may feel uncomfortable around strangers and acquaintances, and they may not be well-known in the community. Childhood scars may have a greater influence on them, and they may remember their immediate surroundings as being cold and depressing, especially when they were younger. 
Individuals who have Saturn in their third house often struggle with their interactions with the outside world and may feel insecure about it. Short trips can still be challenging and exhausting. As a child, they may have been teased by their peers, and they may have communication or speech problems. They may find it difficult to speak up, and their thought process may require more time to process information. However, this placement suggests that an individual may frequently beat themselves up over past events. It is crucial to consciously shift focus to the present and future, which are areas where one has control. The third house represents elementary school years and relationships with peers, teachers, and acquaintances. Therefore, Saturn in this house may indicate difficulty in school, whether it be learning or socializing. As a child, one may have felt lonely and misunderstood, struggling to share their ideas with others. They may have had difficulty connecting with relatives, including siblings, and avoided meeting new people. Their minds work slowly but steadily, and they need to organize their thoughts to learn effectively. It is important to note that these challenges do not indicate a lack of intelligence but rather a much thorough mind. In astrology, Mercury and the third house describe an individual's mental abilities. Those with Saturn in the third house have a unique way of thinking and are capable of solving difficult problems and testing out theories, they're also endowed with a great memory.
The good news is that problems with Saturn usually improve after one's Saturn return. In time these individuals become more self-assured in their interactions with people in their neighborhood and local community as they can overcome obstacles. With dedication and effort, this placement can also bring rewards in terms of increased mental clarity, focus, and mastery of skills. It may also indicate a need to establish clear boundaries or structure in one's relationships with siblings, neighbors, or other close contacts. but with effort. Another benefit of Saturn in the third house is the ability to keep secrets, getting the truth, interrogating, and keeping track of information making them ideal to work with sensitive information, as a detective, a judge, or possibly even politics and the military.
Learning that you have the right to hold court and to speak your mind is Saturn's biggest lesson here.
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✧Saturn in the 4th house✧
Having Saturn in the fourth house can be challenging. Saturn represents limitations and difficulties, making it a challenging planet. People who have this placement are often from families that are emotionally distant. As a child, you may have felt like you couldn't get the love and attention you needed from your parents. This placement is associated with inner insecurity and delays in energy, causing roadblocks and obstacles in life. The fourth house is related to home and family, and people with Saturn in this house typically come from families where they didn't receive emotional nurturing. This placement can indicate a karmic task related to one of your parents, typically the nurturing one, and these relationships are rarely easy. Saturn in the fourth house can bring challenges related to family and home life and may indicate a difficult or restrictive upbringing with a heavy emphasis on duty and responsibility. You have a highly selective attitude, seeking a personal world devoid of compromise. Saturn in the fourth house is associated with childhood issues and difficulties growing up and may have resulted in poor living conditions. However, with hard work and discipline, this placement can also bring a strong foundation and deep sense of security in the home. 
People with this placement may have a strong connection to tradition and a desire for stability and structure in their domestic and private lives. Although you may have gone through difficult times as a child or had to flee a strict or traditional family, setting your sights on worldly success with determination and grit, the pull of the past may keep a firm grip on you. It may cause difficulty finding mentor figures or receiving support from others, but if you can honor your independence and remain optimistic, you will eventually gain the momentum and progress you seek.
When Saturn is in your fourth house, it means that you share a karmic bond with your mother or the more nurturing parent. This bond can be quite challenging to handle and may require significant time and effort to resolve in your lifetime. You may need to help your parents at some point in your life. The fourth house signifies your ancestors and family karma, as well as your astrological roots. Saturn is a planet of the past and karmic in the birth chart, so when it collides with the fourth house, you may need to work out some issues before you can move forward. The fourth house also represents endings, such as your final years and what you can expect during old age. Having Saturn in the fourth house may lead to loneliness, restrictions, or poverty in old age, so it's important to develop self-control and confront the past. Once you have healed from past scars, you can live the life you want, rather than what your subconscious beliefs tell you. The way a planet's sign and aspects influence its manifestation is always significant. If Saturn receives harmonious aspects, it may be easier for you to learn the lessons your soul needs to learn in this lifetime. The fourth house also represents your home country and where you grew up. Some planets in the fourth house have an emotional impact on you. People with Saturn in the fourth house may work in real estate or agriculture and have an attachment to the past. They could be collectors who struggle to let go of their possessions, or they may want to return to their childhood home. Saturn's conservatism in this area is not necessarily a bad thing unless it's combined with a lack of understanding. This may result in rigid viewpoints and difficulty understanding where others are coming from. You may also try to impose your beliefs on others. Being nostalgic is not a bad thing, but it's essential to remember that the past was not always easy or better and learn to live in the present moment.
Saturn is not only the planet of the past but also the planet of responsibility. People with Saturn in the fourth house often feel responsible for their family's events, and when things go wrong, they tend to blame themselves. This placement indicates that you're very attached to the past and may torture yourself in the present with things from the past. If Saturn is in the fourth house, your parents or guardians were most likely strict. You may have learned to be harsh on yourself and others. This placement describes a disciplinarian upbringing, where you felt your parents didn't understand you and couldn't love you properly. People with Saturn in the fourth house often have a significant fear of losing their property or home, as well as their family members, whether it's through death or emotional loss. When it comes to building your own home, Saturn can be a constraint, and you may have to fight for a place to live. In some cases, Saturn in the fourth house can lead to a long life. Although those with Saturn in the fourth house may face complex challenges in their family and home life, they can create a solid foundation for themselves and their loved ones by being determined and willing to confront challenges head-on.
✧Saturn in the 5th house✧
The placement of Saturn in the fifth house of a person's birth chart signifies that they may encounter challenges and difficulties regarding their love life, creative expression, and relationships with children. Such individuals may have to put in more effort than usual to achieve success in these areas. Saturn's influence can lead to self-doubt and insecurity, and a tendency towards being overly critical of oneself and others. However, with patience and dedication, Saturn in the fifth house can bring discipline and mastery in creative pursuits and a deeper understanding of the responsibilities and joys of parenthood. 
People with Saturn in the fifth house are not frivolous when it comes to love, childhood, or creativity; they are complex and selective. They seek genuine passion and creativity and are prone to doubt and questioning. Childhood memories usually involve a strict education that adheres to established rules. The fifth house is known as the House of Joy, while Saturn desires work, self-discipline, rules, and structure. The clash between these two entities can create difficulties in the areas of life represented by the fifth house. Saturn in the fifth house can make a person serious and in charge of everything, limiting their ability to connect with their inner child and experience a state of flow. They might feel guilty and ashamed of expressing themselves and be self-conscious. 
People with Saturn in the fifth house tend to be productive, even in their spare time, and find it difficult to unwind and enjoy themselves. However, taking art classes or pursuing creative hobbies can be beneficial, as it can help them get to know themselves better and let go. Saturn desires structure in art, and after the age of 30, people with this placement tend to enjoy life more in the second half of their lives. With effort and determination, they can overcome the challenges posed by Saturn and pursue their interests with passion and discipline.
The fifth house is commonly associated with romance, flirting, and enjoying the company of others. However, if Saturn is present in this house, it can cause delays and a lack of dating opportunities. This may result in a person entering into romantic relationships later in life or feeling a sense of guilt or pressure associated with dating. There may also be insecurities about attractiveness and social skills, leading to difficulty with flirting or dating. Once a partner is found, however, they are likely to stay committed to a solid relationship. These natives tend to take romance seriously and may prefer relationships that lead to long-term commitments. Their love life typically improves after the age of thirty, when the person becomes more carefree and spontaneous. The fifth house also represents children and parenting. With Saturn in this house, it may take longer to become a parent, and there may be a strong sense of responsibility towards one's children. Becoming a parent can lead to increased self-discipline and maturity for both the parent and the child.
✧Saturn in the 6th house✧
Saturn is a valuable planet in our solar system. It embodies order, structure, and discipline, all of which are beneficial in the sixth house. This astrological house is associated with work, health, and daily routines, and in this article, we will explore how Saturn influences each of these areas. Those with Saturn in the sixth house are diligent, hardworking, and often feel a strong sense of obligation. As the sixth house is the house of service in astrology, this trait is not surprising. Saturn's placement in the sixth house can create a sense of responsibility towards work and health, with a need for structure and discipline in daily routines. This can sometimes lead to perfectionism and self-criticism, with a focus on maintaining physical and mental well-being. However, Saturn's influence, hard work, and dedication can also lead to success and mastery in one's chosen field. 
Individuals with this placement may experience some challenges. They may feel separate from their coworkers, struggle to fit into the office environment, and prefer to work independently. They may also feel run down and tired due to the constant workload. However, their character is serious, and they approach their daily tasks with meticulous attention to detail. Their integrity is highly appreciated in the professional arena, and they prefer to speak the truth rather than make shaky compromises. At times, this intransigent image may result in negative consequences. 
While Saturn in the sixth house emphasizes the importance of work in one's life, it is essential to find a balance. People with this placement tend to work hard throughout their lives, and they are extremely self-disciplined. They may be workaholics, but success usually comes later in life due to Saturn's slow and steady growth. Despite the insecurities that Saturn can bring, those with this placement are often concerned with making a positive impact on the world. 
It is common for those with Saturn in the sixth house to undervalue themselves and feel underappreciated by their boss. However, their sense of duty keeps them working hard, and with time and confidence, they may receive the recognition they deserve. They are well-suited for service-oriented fields, such as healthcare or social work, and can also support their coworkers by sharing their knowledge and problem-solving skills. Saturn's placement in the sixth house offers an opportunity to pay back karma through work. The sign of Saturn reveals more about one's karma.
Individuals with Saturn in the sixth house place a high value on routines and stick to them regardless of circumstances. Once they integrate something into their daily routine, it is highly likely to remain there. These individuals are typically loyal to their workplace and do not switch jobs unless necessary. They enjoy structure and organization, preferring to spend their days in a structured and organized manner. Moreover, they do not like changing their routines, not only at work but also in their personal lives. They have a specific plan for how everything should proceed on a good day and tend to enjoy repetition and planning ahead. 
This placement also implies that they have to take care of their bodies, more so than others. Saturn in the sixth house may cause chronic illnesses, as it slows and prolongs everything. Consequently, individuals with this placement may experience pain in their bones and knees and may also have dry skin or digestive issues. However, with self-discipline and perseverance, they can adopt healthy habits and lifestyles. 
Individuals with Saturn in the sixth house may also be prone to anxiety, especially if Virgo is prominent in their natal chart. They tend to worry about things that may never happen. Nonetheless, they can develop healthy habits and be disciplined in taking care of themselves, which should alleviate their anxiety.
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✧Saturn in the 7th house✧
Saturn, in astrology, is known for its serious, responsible, and confining energy. When Saturn is in the seventh house of a natal chart, it affects the area of committed, one-on-one relationships, including both marriage and business partnerships. People with Saturn in the seventh house take their relationships very seriously. Relationships are not just a part of their life but where they have karmic lessons to learn in this lifetime. However, Saturn in the 7th house can also create challenges in partnerships and relationships, leading to a sense of responsibility and duty towards one's significant other, but also a feeling of restriction or limitation in personal freedom. It is essential to learn how to balance one's own needs with those of their partner and communicate openly and honestly to avoid misunderstandings. With effort and patience, this placement can lead to growth and maturity in relationships.
This configuration predisposes to some degree of rigor in human relations, associations, or within the couple. It may not be easy to link up with the world and blend in, but steady honesty works wonders once confidence has dispelled any reluctance and modesty. However, people should never cheat on someone with this placement. One might always feel like the challenger in a world of defending champions. At their best, this constant positioning forges their will, patience, and determination into a stainless-steel quality and nature. While they may be tough and cranky at times, their toughness also makes them reliable. Others can trust them with a great deal, especially if they allow themselves to be governed by fair-minded principles and ideals.
At their worst, they allow life's school of hard knocks to give them a degree of cynicism with honorable mentions in bitterness. Then they'll discover there are fewer and fewer people willing to give them a shot at more as they mature. The world does not owe them anything, but they do owe the world as much as they have to offer. The more they offer what's of lasting value, the longer more of them will exist in the world.
People with Saturn in their seventh house are drawn to serious individuals with serious plans for the future. They seek a long-term, committed relationship. However, Saturn is also associated with limitations and impediments, meaning they are more likely to meet their ideal partner later in life. Additionally, their partners may be significantly older than them and are usually successful in life. These individuals tend to be very shy when young, and their relationship with a parent is often at the root of this. They have a small circle of committed friends rather than a larger circle of shallow friendships, and their friendships tend to last a long time. They are dependable and protective friends, usually meeting their friends at work or in a business setting. They may even meet their future partner this way. While they may struggle in the corresponding life areas in the beginning, they can become a master here later in life, usually after their first Saturn return, around the age of 28-30.
In the realm of astrology, Saturn is widely associated with patience and time. This celestial body is known for embodying life lessons, discipline, and perseverance, but it also tends to evoke fear. For those whose natal chart places Saturn in the seventh house, it is common to experience trust issues and fear abandonment in relationships due to past experiences. This can manifest as a fear of intimacy and a tendency to choose partners who may not be the best fit. Furthermore, childhood issues with a parent can also have a significant impact on adult relationships. Despite these challenges, individuals with Saturn in the seventh house tend to take relationships very seriously and highly value loyalty and accountability. A well-aspected Saturn can lead to a mature and long-lasting marriage, whereas negative aspects may result in a difficult union. Overall, Saturn's placement in the seventh house suggests that relationships will develop at a steady and deliberate pace, even if they come with certain limitations. Saturn in the seventh can also indicate marrying someone powerful, wealthy, intelligent, or may be the head of a business, institute, or act as a member of a board. If Saturn here is in aspect to Pluto then it could indicate marrying into a royalty, presidency, or any person with powerful familial connections. 
✧Saturn in the 8th house✧
The placement of Saturn in the eighth house of a birth chart is a fascinating one. This planet, representing life lessons and karma, is found in a house that strongly influences karma. While it is true that this position has karmic implications, it also has other meanings.
Individuals with Saturn in the eighth house often struggle with establishing intimate relationships. Maintaining strict boundaries in intimate relationships, such as keeping separate bank accounts, may be a pattern for those with Saturn in the eighth house. This placement may result in a lack of commitment or an inability to connect deeply with partners. Such individuals may feel cut off from their instincts, gut feelings, and deeper energy. They may set clear boundaries between themselves and others, leading to a hardened and rigid sense of gut. Fear of losing control of their power may also lead them to hide their abilities and avoid deep transformation. This placement may also result in barriers to intimacy and to transformation due to taking things too seriously. 
In your natal chart, the placement of Saturn in the 8th House can indicate a negative reputation. This is because Saturn is associated with fears, limitations, and restrictions, and its placement in the sector of death, inheritances, and destructions can lead to unconscious manifestations of these effects. The 8th House is also linked to hidden secrets and problems that require dedication to uncover. People with Saturn in the 8th House often have difficulty recognizing their fears, but this placement can also lead to a deep understanding of life, death, and transformation. While Saturn struggles with the emotional intensity associated with water houses, overcoming its challenges can lead to a talent for healing and an ability to see into the soul. Ultimately, facing the challenges of Saturn in the 8th House can lead to radical transformations and a deeper understanding of oneself and others.
Individuals with Saturn in the eighth house may experience a reluctance towards intimacy. Although the eighth house is associated with sex, those with this placement view it as a mysterious bond rather than an instinctual act. Emotional intimacy issues often prevent these individuals from achieving a close connection with their partner. While some may experience physical limitations, the root cause is typically apprehension towards vulnerability. Some choose to avoid commitment altogether, despite appearing to have a high sex drive and engaging in promiscuous behavior. You may marry someone who leads you into debt. It's important to establish boundaries in intimacy, including setting rules for professional intimate relationships. By mastering intimate relationships, you can maintain a healthy balance in your personal and professional life.
People with this placement go through karmic relationships that involve lessons learned in intimacy. It touches upon the issue of limited sexual options and partners, as well as difficulty in forming deep connections with others. There may be a period of celibacy, whether it is voluntary or not, and the possibility of feeling like an incel. Saturn in the 8th might suggest that you're withholding your sexuality from others by restricting and conserving your sexual energy. You control your sexual urges, it doesn't control you. You may be picky when it comes to choosing an intimate partner. Learning to master your sexual energy, accepting intimate experiences, and trusting your gut will help you establish a better trajectory for yourself in love. Put your foot down, stop unwanted advances, and learn who is and is not right for you, and who is to have your energy. Despite what toxic optimists say, not everyone is right for you, and not every lesson needs to be learned in pain. You can grow in greater ways by learning slowly and from a nurturing environment rather than traumatizing yourself. A tree grows much more solid with time, while iron that has been through the test of flames will rust and decay. 
If Saturn is in the eighth house, it may suggest that marriage may bring financial shortages and that there are limitations to your partner's income due to a fear of intimacy. Some people are in relationships where they feel misunderstood by their partner, leading to financial demands as a means of revenge after a divorce. This can result in the loss of money, assets being frozen, or payments of alimony or child support. Such situations can be detrimental to the relationship and should be addressed. 
Your birth chart's Saturn placement indicates areas in which you need to focus your efforts. Specifically, if you have Saturn in the eighth house, you need to learn to manage your deep emotions. If you're willing to work hard on these issues, Saturn will reward you. People with Saturn in the eighth house often have a talent for handling money, making it an ideal placement for bankers, tax advisors, or accountants. However, this placement also comes with financial risks, such as those that can arise from relatives, spouses, taxes, loans, or business partners. Understanding human nature is crucial when dealing with finances, especially in relationships or marriages, where the loss of financial assets during breakups or divorces is common. Individuals with Saturn in the eighth house may have a mastery of psychology and may benefit from lessons in psychotherapy. Shedding outworn rules and regulations is necessary for them to grow. 
The eighth house represents joint assets, such as those from marriage or inheritance, but Saturn's influence can limit these assets. Inheritance battles may be necessary, and it's important to be aware of the fine print in intimate relationships. Saturn's influence in the eighth house emphasizes the need for formality and caution in these situations, as carelessness or naivety can lead to cycles of abuse or manipulation. These natives may find themselves as the will and estate executor.
This placement brings challenges and obstacles in areas of shared resources, intimacy, and inheritance. However, with hard work and perseverance, it can also bring profound growth, inner strength, and resilience. Individuals with this placement can benefit from confronting their fears and facing their shadow selves, leading to a greater sense of empowerment and understanding of the mysteries of life and death. It is essential to note that not all fears are justified, and some may be holding individuals back. 
✧Saturn in the 9th house✧
The ninth house is the house of the abstract mind in astrology. Saturn, the planet of material things, isn't quite at home here. If Saturn is in the ninth house, you may need more time to process new information than others. This does not imply a lack of intelligence; rather, it indicates a lack of structure and discipline in your beliefs and philosophies. Religion, education, and travel may be taken more seriously and maturely by you than by others. The disadvantage is that you may encounter challenges or delays when pursuing higher education or long-distance travel. Nonetheless, with dedication and perseverance, you can achieve your academic or spiritual objectives. 
You may also have a strong appreciation for tradition and cultural heritage, but it's critical that you don't become too rigid or dogmatic in your beliefs. The distinction between conservative rigidity and intolerance, as well as seriousness and austerity, is extremely thin. You value honesty both intellectually and morally. You do not pretend to be knowledgeable, and you value open relationships, even if it means making sacrifices. 
The ninth house is associated with philosophy and your worldview. Saturn in the ninth house people have a strict moral code, may be religious, or express their own opinions. You can gradually change your philosophical viewpoints, but you need proof that you can rely on something. You prefer a structured view of the world and find it difficult to broaden your horizons. If Saturn is afflicted in your natal chart, you may seek external validation for your ideas and be wary of challenging authority figures. 
Saturn seeks stability and structure, whereas the ninth house represents expanding one's horizons. People with Saturn in their natal chart may be resistant to change and fearful of new perspectives, especially if Saturn receives challenging aspects. Some people, on the other hand, may be drawn to foreign cultures, devoting time and effort to learning new languages. As you get older, you may find yourself traveling more and interacting with people from other countries. When traveling, you prefer to plan ahead of time and be organized. 
Higher education is also represented by the ninth house. Some people with Saturn in the ninth house may have been unable to attend college or studied later or for a longer period of time than others. When Saturn is blessed with harmonious aspects, it may indicate a career in higher education or research. Saturn represents endurance, persistence, and a willingness to work hard, making it an excellent sign for a career in education or research. You are a structured thinker who views the problem holistically, and you do not trust new ideas until they have been tested. When you learn something, it sticks with you, and you effectively manage your mental assets. As a teacher, you have a strong sense of responsibility for your students, and you are strict but fair, like Saturn. If you had Saturn in the ninth house as a student, you may have been afraid of authority figures and asking questions, fearing appearing stupid or being mocked.
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✧Saturn in the 10th house✧
When Saturn is placed in the tenth house it describes you as someone who possesses strong self-discipline and determination. You command respect from those around you and are well-regarded in your community. Career-wise, you hold yourself to high standards and have lofty ambitions. Your work ethic is unparalleled, especially if Saturn is in an earth sign. Responsibility comes naturally to you and you have a realistic outlook on life. With Saturn in the tenth house, you are grounded and focused on stability in your professional life. You maintain an authentic public identity and reputation and are aware of the limited time you have to achieve your goals. You have likely faced setbacks in the public eye, which has honed your public identity and professionalism. You are someone who commands great respect and sets an example for others in your profession. While others may have the luxury of slacking off, you uphold rules and codes of conduct and take your work very seriously. Your persistence and ability to handle pressure will eventually lead you to the top.
Your relationship with authority figures in your life can be revealed by examining the tenth house and Saturn. When Saturn is in the tenth house, it may indicate the presence of a strict parental figure, usually the father. Saturn's influence may have taught you discipline and persistence, which can be beneficial for achieving success later in life. However, the strict upbringing may have also resulted in perceiving this parent as cold and emotionally unavailable. It's possible that one or both parents held notable authority or were powerful individuals, with rigid expectations that you had to live up to. This may have included following their rules, acting mature and responsible, or even living out their unfulfilled goals and wishes, regardless of your own desires. As a result, you may have matured quickly and become wise beyond your years, ambitious, hardworking, and professional from a young age. You may have even started working very early in life, such as becoming a child actor or entertainer. Your upbringing may have also made you desire to leave a mark on the world and influence it. 
Being afraid of or having an absent parent may have forced you to learn to be emotionally self-sufficient and mature ahead of your time. Your relationship with your parents serves as the foundation for all of your other relationships, including those with your partner, children, friends, employer, and coworkers. A conflicted relationship with authority figures may be indicated by Saturn in the tenth house, leading you to feel like you cannot rely on them.
Saturn in the tenth house indicates that you are determined to achieve your goals, no matter how much effort it takes. You are willing to work hard, even if it means staying up until the wee hours of the morning. People with Saturn in the tenth understand that success comes with time and effort. They have lofty goals in life and want to be known for their work. However, they are prone to overworking and need to learn how to take breaks. You may also have tendencies toward being a control freak. However, with time and experience, you will become increasingly successful. Success in this area usually comes later in life, usually after your Saturn return. Many people with this placement may have had low self-confidence when they were younger, which in turn they compensate for as they get older by working more than everyone else.
The placement of planets in the tenth house can be a great indicator of one's career path. It can provide insight into the profession that may be best suited for an individual, as well as what experiences they may encounter in their professional life. Saturn in this house is in accidental dignity and is traditionally associated with Capricorn, a zodiac sign ruled by Saturn. People In regards to your career, Saturn in the tenth house often works in fields that require perseverance, long hours, and the ability to climb the ladder. As a governing planet of hierarchy, structure, and organizations in astrology, Saturn's influence in your professional life may lead you to value these aspects. This placement may also indicate a career in government, where a great deal of responsibility is often placed on your shoulders. 
With Saturn in the tenth house, your vocation may involve investing in long-term projects and deepening your knowledge, rather than being swayed by momentary illusions. While you may be criticized for your rigorous, austere, and realistic personality traits, your capacity for self-reflection and learning from setbacks are assets that can benefit you greatly in your professional life. Though you may show your qualities later than others, your tenacity and demanding nature enable you to grow despite setbacks and failures. When well-aspected, this placement endows you with seriousness and reliability that your colleagues and acquaintances will acknowledge and respect. 
You may have had to rely on yourself or your family to succeed, and as a result, you place a great deal of value on your reputation and status. People may look up to you as a leader, particularly if they have seen you rise from humble beginnings. However, it's essential to remember that leadership requires grace and character when stepping down, just as much as it does grit and determination while climbing the ladder. 
People with Saturn in the tenth house often excel in science, research, or teaching careers. This placement also makes for an excellent manager, as it allows you to bring structure to an organization. While success may be slow in coming, Saturn's rewards are permanent and can lead to lasting success.
The tenth house and the sign on its cusp reveal how others tend to perceive you. This perception can often be influenced by any planetary placement in this house. If you have planets in the tenth house, you may be well-known in your community due to your professional accomplishments. However, if Saturn is also present, you may not enjoy being in the spotlight. While you may gain notoriety, it may not come naturally to you and you may need to learn how to deal with it. During your younger years, you may be shy and awkward. Saturn in the tenth house can cause others to see you as strict, hardworking, and serious. You may be well-liked and respected in your community, but at the same time, viewed as cold and distant. Despite being known by many, you may not be particularly close to them. If Saturn is aspected negatively in your natal chart, you may become arrogant and insensitive.
✧Saturn in the 11th house✧
Saturn is familiar with the eleventh house as it is associated with Aquarius, which was previously ruled by Saturn before the discovery of Uranus. Individuals with Saturn in the eleventh house may feel lonely in social situations, particularly during their younger years, and may have difficulty making friends due to a lack of like-minded individuals. Connecting with large groups of people is also challenging for those with this natal chart placement, and they may be late bloomers when it comes to socializing. This is because they may have misused their talents or experienced suppression in the past, leading to difficulty in this aspect of life. Social anxiety is common among those with Saturn in the eleventh house, leading to caution around others and a lack of self-confidence. Some may avoid social situations altogether, while others may overcompensate and try extremely hard to fit in. Success in the professional realm may also come later in life, as individuals with this placement tend to prefer staying in the background, missing out on potential opportunities that come through others.
Although the eleventh house pertains to friendship, it doesn't pertain to close friendships, but rather to impersonal and casual friendships or your social circle. If Saturn is in the eleventh house, it indicates that you tend to be quiet and reserved in social situations. You have a reserved personality type, which means that you require a significant amount of time to be yourself in any group, and even then, you are rarely the center of attention. Peer recognition is usually lacking in your life, and you may sometimes feel invisible as if no one hears you in a crowd. You frequently feel as if you don't belong anywhere.
If Saturn receives challenging aspects, you may become arrogant or develop a dislike for networking. Learning to be dependable and genuine while remaining self-confident is a significant challenge with this placement. However, you must learn how to have a healthy relationship with groups and how to behave in your social circle during this lifetime. This is not to say you're a bad friend. You are not: People with Saturn in the eleventh house are caring and loyal once they become close to someone. You feel responsible for your friends, and your friendships typically endure. You can give love and affection, but you may struggle to accept it, resulting in an imbalance in your relationships.
People with Saturn in the eleventh house frequently have older friends, and the groups and organizations they belong to are usually exclusive or only permitted for upper echelons. These organizations tend to be formal, with a dress code and strict rules. Some examples include AARP or the Soho. A group of professionals or business people, and traditional groups with outstanding panels, rings of accountability, wise orders, gulf clubs, country clubs, conscience councils, or gathering duties. This person is interested in being part of a secret society or even to be an aristocrat.
When you have Saturn in the eleventh house, you tend to withdraw from the crowd and surround yourself with serious, solemn, and mature individuals. You prefer organizations for the mature and feel that an old friendship should not be traded for a superficial, short-lived relationship. Instead, you carefully select your friends and keep them for a long time, as you need loyal friends to build long-term projects. As you get older, you often make younger friends, and friendships are frequently formed in the workplace. This planet emphasizes the significance of professional networking, and depending on your Saturn sign, you may work best in business groups and associations.
The eleventh house in astrology also represents hopes and dreams and how they materialize and income from your profession. Saturn's influence in this house brings stability, but financial gains earned through hard work may be postponed. However, as you age, your financial situation is likely to improve. People with Saturn in the eleventh house tend to focus on long-term goals and prefer a consistent approach to making money instead of quick and unstable methods. Saturn rewards hard work, but it is not a planet of instant gratification. Individuals with this placement may have a hard time believing in their ability to achieve their goals due to a fear of failure. However, the eleventh house is also associated with humanitarian ideals, and helping others can improve Saturn's influence. Volunteering is an excellent way to contribute to those in need and share your knowledge, experience, creativity, time, or money. Remember, everyone has something to offer, and we can all make a difference.
✧Saturn in the 12th house✧
If Saturn is in your twelfth house in astrology, it suggests that a lot is happening beneath the surface. Saturn is known as the planet of obstacles and challenges, while the twelfth house is associated with dissolution. Consequently, it can be challenging to relax and let go, and you may frequently feel lonely or trapped. Those with Saturn in the twelfth house often struggle to forgive themselves and may be trapped in the past. Empathy and forgiveness are essential, but it can be difficult to access your unconscious and imaginative world. This placement may indicate difficulty remembering dreams or experiencing insomnia. 
Individuals with Saturn in their twelfth house may be withdrawn, withhold from themselves, and have a serious approach to spiritual life. They may struggle with personal freedom and may need to learn how to structure their time and create support systems. Saturn in the twelfth house can lead to self-imposed limitations, but it is essential to master your fears and expand in a confined space. This placement may also indicate missing a father figure and difficulty with vulnerability. 
People with Saturn in their twelfth house benefit from spending time alone and may work in isolated settings, such as hospitals, prisons, or as researchers. Volunteering and charitable work can be fulfilling, as the Twelfth House is about selfless service. Additionally, Saturn in the twelfth house may indicate the need to travel to distant countries for work.
If Saturn is in the twelfth house, it shows that you struggle with letting go of things. You tend to hold onto things and often berate yourself for things that happened a long time ago that you cannot change. You don't like feeling overwhelmed by emotions, so you tend to repress them. Sometimes, you may not even be aware of what you are feeling. You push your emotions away rather than allowing them to go away on their own. This can lead to hidden pain that you are not aware of, causing you to suffer greatly. You may feel depressed all the time, and Saturn's influence can manifest as frequent melancholy. You may also experience panic attacks or anxiety. If you have planets in the twelfth house, psychotherapy can be very helpful. You may not be interested in spiritual beliefs and prefer to focus on the realities of life. This can lead to an interest in dark, tedious, or secret works. You may be an introverted person who gives up your social life for spirituality. Over time, you may become more open to spirituality after your Saturn return.
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Byee Bissshhh
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saraswritingtipps · 10 months
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Character motivations for fictional characters
1. Revenge: Seeking vengeance for a past wrong or harm.
2. Power: Craving dominance and control over others.
3. Love and Relationships: Longing for love, companionship, and emotional connection.
4. Redemption: Seeking to atone for past mistakes and find forgiveness.
5. Survival: Striving to stay alive in dangerous or challenging circumstances.
6. Justice: Fighting against injustice and upholding fairness.
7. Exploration: Satisfying curiosity and a desire for discovery.
8. Ambition: Relentlessly pursuing success and achievement.
9. Freedom: Seeking liberation from oppression and constraints.
10. Knowledge and Wisdom: Thirsting for knowledge, understanding, and wisdom.
11. Family: Protecting and nurturing one's family and loved ones.
12. Acceptance: Craving acceptance and validation from others.
13. Friendship: Building and maintaining meaningful friendships.
14. Escape: Seeking to break free from a stifling or undesirable situation.
15. Truth: Uncovering the truth and exposing lies or deceit.
16. Creativity: Expressing oneself and bringing imagination to life.
17. Competition: Striving to be the best and outperform others.
18. Self-Discovery: Embarking on a journey to understand oneself better.
19. Healing: Seeking emotional, physical, or spiritual healing.
20. Faith and Belief: Holding strong religious or spiritual convictions.
21. Mentorship: Guiding and inspiring others to reach their potential.
22. Revolution: Fighting against oppressive systems and advocating for change.
23. Sacrifice: Putting others' needs above one's own and making difficult choices.
24. Fear: Overcoming fears and finding strength in the face of adversity.
25. Fame: Desiring recognition, acclaim, and celebrity status.
26. Identity: Discovering and understanding one's true self.
27. Empathy: Understanding and connecting with others' emotions and experiences.
28. Tradition: Upholding cultural or familial traditions and values.
29. Rebellion: Resisting authority and challenging the status quo.
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deception-united · 24 days
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Let's talk about killing off characters.
Killing off characters is a dramatic device often used to advance the plot, create tension, or evoke emotional responses from readers or viewers. We love doing it. The initial shock, the mourning after. The effects of it on the other characters. It's fun.
Nevertheless, you can still achieve the desired impact on your plot and characters without necessarily resorting to fictional murder.
Here are some alternatives to drive the plot forward:
Character Transformation: Instead of killing off a character, you can have them undergo significant personal growth or change. This could involve overcoming challenges, facing moral dilemmas, or undergoing a shift in beliefs or values. Their transformation can still drive the plot forward and impact other characters. (I especially love it when the transformation is negative—like when a traumatic experience of some sort completely strips a character of their soul. But that's a sentiment for another day.)
Betrayal or Conflict: Introduce betrayal or conflict between characters that challenges relationships and creates tension. This can lead to significant plot developments and character arcs without resorting to death. And it can be cause for quite a lot of angst.
Separation or Estrangement: Have characters physically or emotionally separated from each other, causing tension and driving the plot forward as they strive to reconnect or deal with the consequences of their estrangement.
Sacrifice without Death: Characters can make significant sacrifices that don't necessarily involve their death. This could be sacrificing personal goals, relationships, or values for the greater good or to achieve a specific objective.
Injury or Disability: Instead of killing off a character, you can incapacitate them through injury or disability. This will create challenges for the character and those around them, leading to character development and plot progression as they're forced to adapt to their new circumstances.
Redemption Arcs: Characters who have committed wrongdoings can undergo redemption arcs where they seek forgiveness, make amends, or strive to become better individuals. This can drive the plot forward while also adding depth to the character. Keep in mind that this may not be a suitable alternative to death for some characters—for instance, the protagonist forgiving their abusive parent despite all they were forced to go through may evoke a sense of indignation rather than admiration for their supposed selflessness.
Revelations or Secrets: Introduce revelations or uncover secrets that have significant impacts on characters and their relationships. This can lead to conflict, tension, and plot twists without the need for death.
Forced Alliances or Unexpected Partnerships: Characters can be forced into alliances or partnerships with unlikely allies, leading to interesting dynamics and plot developments as they navigate these new relationships.
Loss of Power or Status: Characters can experience a loss of power, status, or reputation, which can drive the plot forward as they strive to regain what they've lost, seek revenge on those responsible, or adapt to their new circumstances.
Time Constraints or Pressure: Introduce time constraints or pressure situations that force characters to act quickly and make difficult, split-second decisions that may end up being quite regrettable later on. This can raise conflicts of who's to blame, or what should have been done.
I feel like I strayed off a little, but there you have it. Hope this was helpful! ❤
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hexora · 5 months
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15 Grimoire Page Ideas That Aren't Basic
Chronomancy Correspondences:
Explore the connection between time and magic, including auspicious moments for spellcasting, planetary hours, and lunar phases.
Echoes of Enchantment:
Discuss the use of echoes and resonance in magical workings, tapping into the vibrational frequencies of words, symbols, and intentions.
Liminal Spaces Invocation:
Explore the magical potency of liminal spaces—thresholds, crossroads, and in-between places—and how to invoke their energies.
Numinous Nectar Elixirs:
Detail the creation of magical elixirs using rare and ethereal substances, discussing their uses in rituals and ceremonies.
Quantum Sigilcraft:
Delve into the intersection of quantum physics and sigil magic, exploring the idea that consciousness can influence reality at a fundamental level.
Astral Alphabets:
Introduce lesser-known alphabets or symbolic systems used in astral travel and communication with otherworldly entities.
Dreamweaving Spells:
Discuss the art of crafting spells that are specifically designed to be cast within the dream realm, influencing waking reality.
Candle Color Alchemy:
Explore the magical properties of less common candle colors and their associations with specific intentions, emotions, and energies.
Chthonic Charms:
Focus on charms and talismans specifically attuned to underworld energies and deities, connecting with the mysteries of the subterranean realms.
Technomancy Scripts:
Examine the use of coding languages, digital symbols, and technology-based sigils in modern magical practice.
Quantum Familiars:
Explore the idea of spirit companions that exist beyond the constraints of time and space, bridging the gap between the metaphysical and quantum realms.
Sacred Geometry of Sound:
Investigate the use of sound frequencies and sacred geometry in combination, exploring how they can enhance magical rituals and spellcasting.
Ephemeral Elementals:
Discuss the existence and interaction with elementals that are tied to fleeting or ephemeral elements, such as mist, shadows, or reflections.
Psychotronic Crystals:
Explore the use of crystals not only for their physical properties but also for their alleged ability to interact with psychic and spiritual energies.
Aetheric Anatomy Cleansing:
Detail practices for cleansing and balancing the aetheric body, exploring lesser-known energy centers and channels.
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kbspangler · 1 month
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This is the public statement from @alepresser and myself which went up at Webtoons tonight.
Now for some ranting. Just from me, not from Ale—she's innocent of the art crimes I've committed in the past, and boy howdy have I committed art crimes.
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This is the first page of my first webcomic, A Girl and Her Fed. I started this thing back in 2006. (I don't actually need a head count of those reading this who weren't yet born in 2006. I'm sure you're delightful and I wish you well in college.)
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And this is the last page I drew in early 2020 before I turned art duties over to Dr. Beer. It's better, right?
Well, these days, A Girl and Her Fed has pages like this:
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I drew this comic for fourteen fucking years because it's a story I wanted to tell, and I thought webcomics were the perfect format for it. I didn't know how to draw. I got better through sheer obstinate perseverance and sticking to deadlines as best I could for, again, fourteen fucking years. I sought out a replacement artist when I ran into time constraints and couldn't do art plus writing anymore; I'm a much better writer than an artist, so I had no problems whatsoever kicking art to the curb.
The first time Ale sent me art that would go up on the website—art I hadn't needed to draw myself—I literally cried in relief because I had been grinding myself down for, yet again, fourteen fucking years.
So when I read comments from people who say they want to make a webcomic but can't draw themselves and therefore need to resort to AI, that little line between my eyes gets dangerously deep.
This isn't like I'm some old dude who's bitching over student loans getting cancelled after making regular payments. This is me, someone who threw raw art onto the internet like a monkey hurling fresh poo, because I wanted to make a webcomic and the art is part of the process of storytelling via webcomics! I could've (arguably should've) hired an artist right out of the gate, and that would've been part of the process of making comics, too: a partnership between an artist and a writer is also something which grows and develops over time.
For example, after Dr. Beer and I spent two years working on AGAHF, we decided we enjoyed our partnership so much that we set out to make another webcomic! It's great! It's got wonderful art and consistent storytelling! You should read it!
But turning art duties over to unaltered images generated by AI because you want to make a webcomic but "just can't draw" is, frankly, a bullshit excuse. I'm not talking about persons who are physically unable to draw due to disability—I'm talking about people who say they want to make webcomics but simply don't wanna do the art part.
Friends, if you don't want to show your entire ass in front of God and country, you don't actually want to make a webcomic.
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Do the thing yourself.
If you're scared, don't be. Take the plunge. Set a goal of twenty strips and do the thing yourself. If you can already draw but can't write? Great! Write twenty strips, write forty panels, etc. You might surprise yourself. If you can write but can't draw? Great! Draw twenty panels and see what happens.
Whatever comes out of it, it's a thing you've done yourself. It's something new you've given to the world, no matter how big or small. Be proud of that. And if you need to partner with someone else to make your comic dreams work? You can do that, too! It's still a thing you've done yourself, and many projects are stronger when done together.
...but maaaaaaaaaybe hire that partner before you've busted your own ass for fourteen fucking years. That one's on me.
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