#Rake kids

[chickensarentcheap]

Never Gonna Be Alone: Chapter 97

Fandom: Extraction

Pairing: Tyler Rake and Esme Rake (OFC)

Warnings: profanity and angst

Tagging: @tragiclyhip @munstysmind @secretaryunpaid @youflickedtooharddamnit @asirensrage @residentdormouse @alisbackalleybbq @themaradwrites @ninjasawakenedmystar @kmc1989 @arrthurpendragon @ocappreciationtag @occommunity @karimac @thebewingedjewelcat

If I forgot someone, please let me know! My brain is mush!

My tag list is OPEN! Just ask if you'd like to be added :)

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28860450/chapters/127049641

****

He paces the length of the deck as he waits for K to pick up the phone,  occasionally glancing over his shoulder and into the living room. Millie watches him in nervous curiosity;  undoubtedly concerned about his mental and physical well-being, and wondering about the conversation that will take place.  And when he gives her a reassuring smile, his daughter returns it with a shaky one of her own.  Then stretches out on the couch stomach down and faces the sliding door;  chin on her forearm as she continues to keep an eye on him. 

“Rake?” K’s voice on the other end of the line. 

“I’m here.”

“Sorry to call so late.  I know you’ve got little ones to worry about and…”

“No such things as too early or too late.  Not when it comes to my family.  And especially not when it comes to Esme.  I hope you have some good news for me.  That you’re not calling to stall things even more.”

“I’m not…”

“Where’s my wife?  I’m sick of playing these fucking games. Waiting on you to decide what’s best when it comes to her.  You don’t know her.  You don’t know a damn thing about her.  So how about you cut the shit; tell me where she is and I’ll pay you a little visit.”

“I’m not the enemy in this, Rake.  I’m far from it.  If it wasn’t for me…”

“I never said I didn’t appreciate what you’re doing; putting your ass on the line to make sure she stays safe.  But I’m tired of this shit; waiting on you to decide when you’re going to get off your ass and make things happen. I’m nearly out of patience, kid. And you don’t want to see what I get like when I run completely dry.”

“I’ve had to wait things out.  It isn’t easy, you know; finding the time to contact you. Not with all the bodies coming and going from here, all hours of the goddamn day. If any of them were to find out I was talking to you…”

“They’d put a half dozen or so bullets in you.  I get the risk.  But if you continue to fuck me around, whatever they would do to you?  I’ll make it look tame. Now where’s my wife?”

“I can’t let you just show up.  Do you know what kind of firepower we have here?  What kind of training these guys have?  It’ll only make things worse.  Right now,  she’s safe. But I can guarantee that if I tell you where we are and you decide to show your face around here? It’s not going to end well.  Especially for her.  And I know that’s the last thing you want; to put her further at risk. So how about you…”

“How about you give me something to work with, then? That won’t put an even bigger target on her back.  When are we going to meet?  ‘Cause I’m ready to go when you are.”

“Unless you agree to my terms…”

“I already told you. I’ll be alone.  I won’t try and follow when you leave.  I just want to get these meds to her.  To keep her and my baby safe.   Until you’re able to get her out there. So when is it going to be? Because we’ve wasted enough time.”

“Two days from now.  I’ve already made up an excuse.  Had to lower myself to the gutter and use my son, but…”

“We’ve all done things we wish we never had to.”

“You speaking from experience, or…”

“I’ve got a lot of regrets.  That I don’t wish on anyone.  But you’re going to have a bigger one if you don’t stop fucking me around.  We could settle this right now, mate.  Put this all to bed. Avoid all this needless bullshit. Just tell me where she is, and I will come and get her.  With a lot of people and a lot of firepower backing me up.  So if you want to get out of this alive…”

“Do I need to get her back on the phone? Do I…?”

“Don’t do that,” Tyler warns.  “Don’t weaponize her like that.  It’s a real piece of shit thing to do. Weaponize her like that.”

“Look,  I know you’re used to being the boss.  The one calling the shots.  The legendary mercenary who turned himself into a legendary boss. But I need you to let me take the lead on this. I’m the one that’s right in the trenches; trying to keep her alive. BOTH of us alive, for that matter.  And if you come around and fuck things up,  it’s all going to horribly wrong.  You think you have regrets now? How will it be if something happens to her? Because of YOU?”

“Please, Tyler,” Esme begs in the background. “Please just listen to him.   He knows what he’s talking about.  I know it’s hard for you sometimes;  you react emotionally when it comes to me and the kids.  But I need you to just stop. Please. Just stop and think about all of this.  Think about what he’s saying.”

Both chest and throat tighten.   Nearly brought to his knees by the sound of her voice;  the fear and the desperation that weighs down every tearful plea.   And as his grip tightens around his phone, he briefly closes his eyes, struggling to get the mixture of emotions under control. A combination of intense rage,  profound sadness and near-painful helplessness.  And emptiness and loneliness unlike anything he’s ever experienced before.

“I know what it’s like.”  K’s voice is softer; laced with patience and sympathy.  “Being used to always having a handle on things.  The one everyone turns to when there’s trouble.  And I also know what it’s like to feel all that slipping away.  It’s fucking awful, mate.   no longer being in control of things.   Especially through no fault of your own.”

“I have seven kids here.  That need their mother.   And you keeping her away from them even longer than you need to…”

“I’m doing what’s best for her.   I’m not doing this to cause more problems. Or to punish anyone. I know what these people are like; I know the kind of power they have and I know what kind of resources they have backing them up.  It’s why we can’t just jump into things; we need to play along and gain their trust and their confidence.  I can’t just break her out of here.  It’s not that easy.  And I think if you’d look at this as a mercenary and not as a husband, you’d say the same thing.  You wouldn’t take any unnecessary risks with a client, would you? You’d do whatever it takes to keep them safe, yeah?”

“We’re talking about a client. We’re talking about my wife.”

“Which is exactly why you can’t be taking risks.  Why you shouldn’t be WANTING to.  How many times have you had to talk a husband down? Or a wife? From doing something stupid?”

“More than once.”

“Well, now it’s my turn to talk YOU down. I’m not stalling.   I’m not dragging things out to make things worse on you or those kids.  Everything I do? It’s for Esme’s benefit.  And I know it’s a lot to ask, but you need to trust me.”

“That’s awful damn hard.  I don’t even know you.  I don’t just hand out trust to everyone I come across.  You’re holding my entire life in your hands.  And if there’s something I’m willing to die for, it’s her.  You and your buddies fucked with the wrong man.  And the wrong man’s family.  You do all this damage and then expect me to just blindly trust you? Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“I’m the one who is keeping your wife and your baby alive.  And if you want to stay that way…”

“Tyler…”  Esme’s voice once more. Tearful.  Terrified. “...please just listen to him.  I’m begging you. Please.”

“I swear to God…”   Tyler growls through clenched teeth. “...if you hurt her in any way…”

“All I want to do is help.  Without causing more issues.  I tell you where we are and you come storming in here?  It will be the worst possible ending. You want your wife and your kid alive? Then you do exactly as I say.”

“Two days.  I’ll meet you at our place in The Kimberley.  If you don’t show up,  I will hunt you down.  No matter how long it takes.  And I will find you and I will make you suffer. Beyond anything you ever thought possible.”

“I don’t doubt it for one second.  But I WILL be there.  We’re on the same side, Rake.   We both want the same thing.  Your wife…safe and sound…back with you and your kids.  I’m not the enemy here.”

“You were.  Four nights ago.  When you showed up at the place in Tasmania.  When you stood by and watched your buddies take my wife.  And then stayed behind to kill me.”

“But I didn’t do it., did I? I backed out.  Couldn’t go through with that.”

“You’re just a regular bleeding heart, aren’t ya.”

“I’m trying my best here, alright?  I don’t want things to get any worse.   And if you don’t listen to me and you track us down and just show up here…”

“I already said  I’d back off.  But we need to get a couple of things straight.   This change of heart you had? When it came to killing me? Everything you’re doing to keep Esme and the baby safe? Whatever plan you’re cooking up to get her out of there? That doesn’t make us friends.  We’re not buddies. We’re not going to be hanging out or going for beers or sending each other Christmas cards.  Once this is over? You disappear. I better never see or hear from you again.”

“Fair enough.”

“And if anything happens to my wife, you’re going to wish you’d killed me that night.  Because I will hunt you down.  And I will put you in the ground. Don’t fuck me, mate.  Because those stories you’ve heard?  About the things I’ve done? The things I can still do?  They’re all true.”

“I never doubted it for a second.”

“I’ll meet you in two days.  You don’t show up?  I WILL find you.”

“I’ll be there,” K assures him. “And do as I say; don’t bring an army with you, don’t try and stop me from leaving, don’t have anyone follow me. I’m the only thing that stands between your wife and whatever these assholes have planned for her.  I’m sure you don’t want to chance it.”

“You just make sure she stays safe.  That no one lays a hand on her.  And if I find out all this time that you’ve done nothing but fuck me around…”

“If there was ever a time for you to trust someone, this is it. You need to take me at my word.  That I’ll keep her safe and sound and find a way to get her the hell out of here.”

“And what are you going to want in the end? If this all goes according to plan?  If you get her out of there and I bring her home? What are you going to want? As reward? A payment?”

“Just my safety.  All limbs attached to my body. All my internal organs still inside and functioning properly.”

“I guess we’ll just have to see about that.”

“Two days. I’ll be there.”

“Yeah…” Tyler snarls. “...you fucking better be.”

******

He wakes to the sound of little feet and voices overhead.  Addie and Brookie whispering and giggling as they scurry down the hall and towards the stairs. Declan cheerfully obliging Takota’s request to piggyback him to the kitchen as  TJ mutters in that grumpy, first thing of the morning way of his;  yet showing off his unlimited patience when it comes to Tanner’s cheerful, incessant rambling about the dreams he’d had.  And Millie and Alannah, discussing their plans for the day: seeing a movie with Nanny Stel, Addie, Takota and the older kids. 

It resembles a typical morning in the Rake house. A mixture of the immediately cheerful and energetic and their easily annoyed and frustrated counterparts.   Yet the reality will soon set in;  the realization that -as they’re settling into breakfast- that a huge part of their household is missing. An empty chair at the kitchen table serving as a stark reminder of the nightmare that is continuing to unfold around them.   

The little ones greet him with their unusual enthusiasm; Addie declaring how much she’d missed him and the tearfully declaring how she’d been worried when she’d woken up in the big bed and he wasn’t there to snuggle into.  He’s the best for snuggles after all; his body is big and strong and warm and safe.  

The safest place on earth, in her opinion.

With the help of Estelle, he manages to get the day started. Not only Fighting through the incessant pain that inhabits nearly every inch of his body, but struggling with the immense emptiness that Esme’s absence has left him with.

He’s standing on the back deck when Brookie rushes over to him; nursing his second cup of coffee and watching as the kids tend to their weekend chores. Watering the various plants in the garden and cleaning out the animal habitats; making sure food and water dishes are full and showering the ‘pets’ with unlimited love and attention.  They’d all been taught at an early age to put in the work;  learning as they toddled alongside their parents and asked what seemed like a million and one questions.  Their enormous levels of curiosity quickly paying off;  experiencing that rush that comes with the reward of accomplishment and pride.  

 Esme and him had always been on the same page when it came to how to raise a family;  he can easily remember those early days when Millie was still in her belly. Those often emotional late-night chats about the things they’d been robbed of in their childhoods; filled with promises to make sure their offspring never suffered in the same way.  Both determined to provide the same things:  lots of love, acceptance, and support.  While they’d be given both things they would need and desire, they would also be trusted with responsibilities; simply chores that would start in the toddler years. Their parents wanting them to grow up to be not only self-sufficient adults but damn good humans; compassionate and empathetic and blessed with both book smarts and practical hands-on knowledge.

“Daddy!” Brooklyn wraps an entire hand around one of his fingers and gives a firm tug.   “We got a problem!”

“What kind of problem?”

“A big one! No one got Pumpkin Lumpkin’s carrots ready! Momma always does them the night before; she puts them in a bag and puts them with my helmet and my boots.  So we don’t have to rush around and do stuff. But momma isn’t here so now…” Taking a deep breath, she exhales dramatically. “... there’s no carrots to take!”

“We’ll stop at the store.  On the way to the stables. We can run in and…”

“That won’t do! It’s not the same! Pumpkin doesn’t like the ones from the store!”

“I highly doubt Pumpkin knows the difference between store-bought and ones from our garden.”

“She’s REALLY smart, dad.  Super smart! She definitely knows! And she likes mommy’s carrots best. ‘Cause mommy’s are  grown with love.  ‘Cause she sings and talks to her plants and that makes them taste better.  Pumpkin will know something is wrong. If we don’t bring momma’s carrots.  And I don’t want her to know about mumma. I don’t want her to be depressed like us.”

His throat tightens and his heartaches.  Even in the smallest and most mundane of ways, Esme’s absence is an enormous loss to all of them. “I promise I won’t tell her.  And we still have a bit of time before we leave. Why don’t you run and grab some carrots?  That we can take with us.”

Brooklyn’s face visibly brightens at the suggestion. “I’m going to pick the best ones! Pumpkin deserves them!”

“Well, leave some good ones for humans. We gotta eat them too.”  He tousles her hair before she runs off, then calls to Declan to help her in the garden.  He’s inherited his mother’s green thumb; first developing a love for all things gardening when he was merely four years old.  Always excited to be ‘helping her’;  all smiles and giggles and chatter as he walked alongside her, carrying a watering can.

“Looks like ‘business as usual’ around here.”  Riley’s voice comes from behind as she lingers in the open doorway; leaning against the frame with her arms folded against her chest. And Tyler briefly glances over his shoulder; immediately noticing the absence of the vibrance that normally accompanies the redhead. Currently replaced by stormy eyes, furrowed brow,  and tightly set jaw. 

Sighing, he  turns his attention back to the hustle and bustle in the backyard.“Gotta keep things as normal as possible for them.”

“Things are as far from normal as they can possibly get.”

“I need to try to bring them a little bit of happiness.  Not every aspect of their life has to completely suck.”

“You certainly don’t seem to be suffering any.  You’re just back to everyday life.”

He wants to argue about it being the furthest thing from the truth; remind her that he’s the one suffering the most. Both emotionally and physically.  But at the same time, he understands her anger. Albeit misplaced, she’s worried and terrified and desperate to ‘get the show on the road’.  Anxious to do whatever she can to help find her sister.   And it’s her heartache that is convincing her that she needs someone to blame.  That she has to hold someone responsible for what happened.

“I’m just doing my best.  Trying to hold things together.  For my kids.”

Riley joins him, laying both forearms along the top railing of the deck.  “Might be better for them if they see something…anything…from you. Emotion wise.”

“I’ve shown a lot of emotion.   In front of them.  Just because you haven’t personally seen it, doesn’t mean it’s not happening.   I could turn the tables and say the same thing about you.  You haven’t exactly shed a tear.  Ranted and raved.  Not since a couple of days ago anyway.”

Scowling, she casts her brother-in-law a sidelong glance.

“I heard what you said.  To Shaena.  I heard ALL of it.  And I wasn’t going to say anything but I totally get where it’s all coming from.  It’s a hell of a thing that happened and we’re all suffering and we’re all trying to find a way to cope.   And I’ve been there myself;  worried and scared and angry and needing to take it all out on someone.  I think it’s pretty normal for a lot of people;  needing someone to place the blame on.  Even if it is no one’s fault.”

“But it IS your fault.  The blame is all on you.  You’re the reason this happened.  You and what you do for a living and all the people you’ve pissed off and…”

“What happened has nothing to do with me.  These people? That took your sister?  They’re from HER past.  Not mine.”

“Now there’s something I never thought I’d hear from you. Victim blaming.  Especially when the victim is your own wife. My sister.”

“That’s NOT what I’m doing.  I’m trying to explain my side of things. I was the one who was there, Riley. Not you.  All these details you have in your head? You put them there. I didn’t.  No one else. You let your imagination run wild; your brain made up all kinds of bullshit and you’re actually believing it.  Everything you said to Shaena? None of it was true.”

“Seems like it’s pretty cut and dry.  Someone is out for revenge. And they’re getting it through my sister.”

“There’s nothing cut and dry about this.  And yeah, they’re out for revenge. But not because of something I did.  Not because of the past I’ve led.   I HAVE crossed a lot of bad people. Stepped out on a lot of toes. Burned a lot of bridges. And I see how it makes sense;  someone out to get me so they chose her as a target. But that’s not what it’s about AT ALL.”

“Don’t even try and pretend you’re innocent in all of this. That who you are and what you do didn’t play some kind of part. Don’t…”

“I wasn’t even going to tell you all of this.  I even asked Shaena and everyone else who knows the details to keep it from you.  I wanted to protect you. I wanted to spare you from all of that.  Because this IS your sister we’re talking about.  But if you’re going to keep up with your bullshit, maybe it’s better if you do know the truth. So you shut the fuck up about me.”

Riley blinks at the vehemence in his voice.

“This is about Mark.  He’s the one behind this.”

“Mark.   Douchebag ex-husband extraordinaire?  That’s who we’re talking about, right? THAT Mark?”

“Don’t talk to me like that.  Don’t be a condescending little bitch. Yes. THAT Mark.”

“The same Mark that cheated on her while coming back from their honeymoon? By joining the mile high with a stewardess?  The same Mark that used to beat her senseless?  Force her to eat food off the floor?  Rape her? That put her in the ICU? TWICE.”

“I know everything he’s done.  Everything that he put her through. I probably know more than you do. Things she never even told you.”

“The same Mark that you ordered someone to kill? Only to later find out he was still alive? The same ‘back from the dead’ Mark you ever told my sister about?  Until it was too late?”

“I had my reasons. For not saying anything to her.  There was a lot going on; I had just been through all that bullshit with Nathan, she was pregnant with the twins. She didn’t need anything else added to her plate. I didn’t think it mattered; whether he was really dead or not.  She THOUGHT he was.  And that made her really feel at peace for the first time in years. I did what I had to do. For HER.”

“How come every time you decide something for her it ends up being the shittiest possible outcome?”

“I had no idea it would come back and bite me in the ass.  He flew under the radar for five years.  I thought he’d just given up; decided to leave us alone and go on with his life. How the fuck was I supposed to know he’d do some shit like this? You think I wanted this to happen? That I somehow ASKED for it to happen? Esme may be your sister, but she’s MY wife.”

“If you’d just left her alone. In Dhaka. If you’d just kept your dick in your pants…”

“Don’t bring that up. You have no idea what happened in Dhaka. During those five days. But it was more than that. Way more.”

“Y0u should have let her walk away. Afterwards.”

“I was in a coma. I woke up, she was there. I didn’t force her to stay.  I didn’t hold a gun to her so she’d stick around. That was HER decision.  Both on the bridge and off it.”

“You should have MADE her.  You should have…”

“She’s a grown woman, Riley.  She was a grown woman when we met.  Every decision she made? She made it on her own.  She stayed because she wanted to. Simple as that. And you know Esme as well as I do. No one tells her what to do. NO ONE.”

“You brought her into this kind of life.  You did whatever it took to KEEP her in it.  Knowing that there were people who would just love to get revenge. And use her to do it.  THAT should have been enough to convince her to walk away. That was selfish, Tyler.  And deep down, I think you realize that. You were selfish to bring her into this life.  And to bring kids into it, too?”

“I love your sister.  More than I ever thought it was possible to love someone.  I don’t regret how we met.  I don’t regret not trying harder to push her away.  I don’t regret a goddamn thing when it comes to her.  And yeah, there were times I didn’t do right by her. Where I was a really shit husband.  But we got past all that. We worked on our shit.  We still work at it. Every day.  So for you to stand here and accuse me of manipulating her or bullying her or…”

“What happened, Tyler? The other night? HOW did it happen? Can you at least tell me that? How someone like you -with all your skills and all your strength and experience and all the blood on your hands- could let this happen? How could you let them take her?”

“I didn’t LET them take her.  Look at me! Look how fucked up I am! Does this body look like it belongs to someone who just LET them?”

“She isn’t here, is she?  You have no clue WHERE she is.”

“You weren’t there. In Tasmania. You don’t know what went down.  I didn’t stand a chance.  It wasn’t just one or two guys.  I’m not even sure how many there actually were.  But they knew they had to blindside me; take me down and keep me down.  They knew every weak spot.  Every fucked up part of me.  And that’s how they were able to do it.  They took me out first and then went for her.  Do you really think I’d just let them walk in and grab her? You really think that little of me?”

“I never…”

“I fought. For as long and as hard as I could. I wouldn’t look like this if I didn’t.  And you know what they did? When it still wasn’t enough for him? They used her against me.  They were going to kill her, Riley. If I didn’t stop fighting and I didn’t calm her down.  They would have killed her right in front me. Maybe even done some really sick shit to her before that.  And you know what? They probably would have left me alive. So I’d remember every second of what she went through for the rest of my life.”

“Tyler…”

“Yeah, I gave up.   And that’s the only reason she’s still alive.”

“You don’t know that she is.”

“I DO know that.  I can’t tell you how. But I know that she is.  She’s not a hundred percent safe, but she has someone working damn hard to get her away from these people.  I love your sister.  I’d never do anything to hurt her.  Not intentionally.  I WILL find her. And I will make them pay. For EVER touching her.”

“You promised her.  When you met.  That you’d protect her. No matter what. Against anyone and everything.  You PROMISED,  Tyler.”

“And I meant it.  Every word.  I didn’t have a choice.  It was either lose her right there and then, or keep her alive and then do everything I had to to track her down.  It wasn’t an easy decision, believe me.”

“Promise me you’ll bring her home.  No matter what. Even if she is…”

“She’s NOT dead. She’s very much alive.  And I know you’re stressed and you’re scared and you’re pissed off.  I get it, believe me.  But I’m not the enemy here. I didn’t want any of this to happen.  All I want is for her to be here.  With me, with her kids.  That’s all I want. More than anything.  My entire existence? My world? It begins and ends with her.”

“Daddy! Daddy, look what I got!”  The soles of Brookie’s bare feet slap against the wooden deck as she races towards him.  And Riley mouths a ‘I’m so sorry’ before giving his arm a comforting squeeze and bidding a hasty retreat into the house.

Managing to swallow down the emotions,  he turns to Brookie with a smile.  “What’cha got?”

Frowning, she makes her way to the sliding door and peers inside, looking for her aunt.  “Where’d she go?”

“Who?”

“Auntie Riley. She was here and then she was gone and she looked really upset and…”

“She had a phone call.  What’cha got?”

The four-year-old relents and hurries over to him, proudly holding out a reusable grocery bag. “Look!! Look at all the carrots I got for Pumpkin Lumpkin! Declan helped me pick all the best ones! We put some in there for Bodhi too, but he loves apples more, so…”

“We’ll grab him some, on our way out the door.  You ready to go or…?”

“Daddy?” Brooklyn tilts her head to the side as she peers up at him. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t look okay?”

“Not really.  ‘Cause of what the bad guys did to you. If you don’t feel like going to the horses, it’s okay.  I won’t be upset. I understand. I know that you got a lot of ouchies.”

“Come here.” Scooping her up with his one good hand, he presses a kiss to her temple and then settles her on his hip.  “I WANT to go, alright?  It makes me happy; getting to spend time with you.  And I really need a little bit of happy right now.”

“I need some too.  But you don’t look so happy right this sec.  You look like you’re going to cry. Is it ‘cause you’re hurtin’? And ‘cause you miss mumma?”

“Yeah…” Manages a smile through a threatening flood of tears. “...I miss her a whole lot.”

“I miss her too. We’ll take lots of pictures! At the stables.  Like we always do.  Mumma always asks to see our photos! We can show her. When she comes home.”

“Gives her something to look forward to, yeah?  I’m sure you guys will have a lot of things to tell her.”

“I already have tons! Lots of stories. But I have to get to her before Addie does or I’ll be waiting forever!”

Chuckling, he places a noisy kiss on her forehead, then tightens his hold on her.  His eyes closed, chin resting on the top of her head.

*****

The stables are half an hour north. Sitting hundreds of acres of land that includes riding and jumping facilities,  buildings for boarding, and a modernized, eight-bedroom farmhouse that comfortably fits the owner and his extended family.  An army veteran thirty years Tyler’s senior; highly decorated and renowned for numerous acts of bravery and selflessness.  They’d met him and his wife through a support group for military PTSD sufferers and their partners, and an instant -albeit slightly reluctant on Tyler’s behalf-  friendship had evolved. 

 He finds it hard to be social. Not one for mindless chit chat and an immensely private person;  always desiring to keep certain parts of his life a secret.  But Esme had needed someone to bond with and he couldn’t deny or rob her of that.  Someone who would understand the fear and the worry and desperate need to take care of him; not judge her those feelings of helplessness when it comes to not being able to ‘fix’ him. And it had given her much-needed support, understanding, and guidance; someone -outside of him- that she could cry and vent to when things just became a little too difficult to bear.  

It was through Karl and Rose that they’d learned about equine therapy and the positive effects on many war vets battling various demons.  After six months of using a facility-supplied horse and being unable to deny the sense of calm and control riding gave him, Tyler had decided to purchase one of his own.   In turn, Brookie had shown and expressed an interest at a very young age; barely two years old when she’d first been taken to the stables and immediately toddling over to one of the holding pens and drawing the attention of many of the horses.  By the time she was three she could ride the ponies; showing impeccable balance and control of the animal for someone so young.  While not interested in the ‘higher end’ activities like show jumping,  she loves both her leisurely rides and how the wind blows through her hair during the harder gallops.  And she doesn’t mind the mess;  helping muck stalls and fill the feed and water troughs. 

Always used to being outtalked by Addie, she seizes the opportunity of being alone with him. Sitting on the hood of the truck while he tends to tying her riding boots and securing her helmet;  chattering about her week at school and about her excitement at getting to ride her horse and even cleaning her stall and grooming her afterwards.  And she skips alongside him as they head into the main holding barn; the bag of carrots and apples swinging  from one hand as the other tightly holds onto two of his fingers.

In that moment,  she reminds him so much of her mother. The zest for life and the intense and unwavering passion she commits to the things she loves. The fierceness with which she protects those closest to her and the startling amounts of empathy and patience.  And that smile as she beams up at him in pure delight; bright and beautiful and crinkling the corners of her eyes and the bridge of her nose. And somehow -in the painful, horrific midst of his worst nightmare- she manages to pierce the dark and stormy veil that’s shrouded him for the last four days.  Bringing a tiny yet much-needed amount of warmth and sunshine.   

“You know what I want to do, dad? When I’m older? And Pumpkin is too? Guess what I want to do!”

“Show jumping?”

“I already told you tons of times! I’m not into that.  That’s NOT my thing.  That’s more something Addie would do. IF she wasn’t scared of horses. I don’t get it, daddy. How is anyone scared of them? Especially Pumpkin Lumpkin and Bodhi. They’re so sweet! They wouldn’t hurt her.”

“I think it’s because she’s so tiny and they’re so big. It scares her; being so high off the ground.   Probably afraid she’s going to fall off. It’s why your mum doesn’t want to ride.  She’s scared of getting hurt.”

“Bodhi is really big but Pumpkin isn’t. She’s still a baby.  Maybe we can get Addie one of those little mini horses. Remember those? The ones I learned on?  They’re mini just like Addie so maybe she wouldn’t be scared of them.  Can we? Get her one?”

“I can definitely talk to your mum about that.”  

His heart sinks the moment the words leave his mouth. Just something else he took for granted;  her presence in his life, home, and bed always a surety.   And now even the basics have been viciously torn away; he can’t just send a quick text or call her on the phone or simply wait to arrive back at the house to share something he’d seen or heard while he was out. 

For thirteen years,   Esme had been the one constant in his life. Her mere presence had gotten him through the darkest and most trying of days following Dhaka; consistently and devotedly camping herself at his bedside and refusing to leave even when given the most dire of prognosis.   She had supported him through the months of recovery;  his one-person cheering section as he laboured and struggled to relearn even the most basics of tasks and functions.  She had taken him back after their sixth-month separation; tearfully calling him in the middle of the night and begging him to come home.  She’d missed him and didn’t want his absence to become permanent; worried his drinking and drug use would only grow in need and intensity and lead to his demise.  And he’d followed every ‘rule’ that she’d put forth; checking himself into rehab and anger management and agreeing to attend both solo and individual counselling.

She’d been there after Nathan had destroyed both his body and his mind.  Accepting the responsibilities of feeding him, washing his hair, helping him in and out of the shower.  Never losing her patience when the lingering effects of his concussion and added brain trauma had caused him to ask the same questions over and again. She had been by his side when he’d been given the CPTSD and Bipolar diagnosis; angrily and adamantly refusing his suggestion that she walk away and spare herself the torment that would come with having to put up with his ‘episodes’. And the very real worry that he’d one day snap and take all his frustration and hurt out on her and the kids.

“We’re better together than we are apart,”  she’d reminded him.  “You said  that yourself. In Dhaka. So if you think I’m letting you deal with this on your own, you’ve got another thing coming.”

So many roles in his life that she fills.  Loyal confidant.  Fervid supporter.  Best friend.  Lover.  Wife. Mother of his children.  And he’s simply not ready to give any of those up. 

But it’s lonely and he feels so empty.  His broken and aching body constantly reminds him that he isn’t the same man he used to be.  And he worries that maybe…just maybe…he really HAD failed her.  Reneging on his wedding day promises to provide for her and love her and cherish her. To keep her safe, happy and warm.

And to always…above all else…protect her. 

“Mumma will say yes!” Brookie declares, oblivious to the darkness that has descended upon him.  “Mumma loves animals! Like me.  And like you! We all love animals!”

“No one loves quite as much as you. And you never did tell me what you wanted to do.  When you’re bigger.”

“I wanna own a ranch! Just like this one. Well maybe not JUST like it, ‘cause I wanna raise cattle and have some alpacas and a pumpkin patch where people come at Halloween! I’m going to decorate it all up and it’s gonna have apple cider and pumpkin muffins and cookies and pie and there’s gonna be a haunted house! And a hayride! There’s GOTTA BE a hayride.”

“What are you going to do the rest of the year?”

“Spend time with my cows. And my alpacas. Don’t worry, I’ll have some chickens for you and some goats for mum.  ‘Cause they’re YOUR faves.   Maybe I’ll even have horse riding lessons and stuff like that. Or have summer camps for kids!”

“Sounds like you got it all planned out.”

“I’m gonna be a cowgirl! I’m going to wear cool cowgirl clothes and hats and on special days Pumpkin will get her hair braided and her ribbons will match what I’m wearing.”

“You’re going to make a mint.  Beef is a huge business around here. Always in demand.”

Brookie stops dead in her tracks; brow furrowed as she stares up at him incredulously.  “Excuse you, dad! The cows aren’t going to be for eating! Those cows are gonna be my pets! You can’t eat my pets! You wouldn’t let anyone eat Mac or Saju, would you?”

“There’s kind of a big difference between a house pet and beef cattle.”

“Listen, you can get your meat somewhere else. Eat someone else’s cows. Not mine! I swear if any of them go missing and up in the freezer, I’m going to know it was you! And I’m really going to be pissed and I’m not going to talk to you  for a long time. Like a week. Or two! Just to teach you a lesson!”

“Oh man,” he heaves a long, dramatic sigh. “How will I ever cope? A week or two of peace and quiet?”

“Dad…”  Planting a hand on her hip, she cocks her head to the side. “...that is NOT friends!”

“You just told me I can’t eat beef again. I’m a carnivore, damn it.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t eat it ever again! I said you have to get it from someone else!  Eat someone else’s cows. Not mine.  That’s eating your own grandchildren, you know.  That’s the only kids you’re getting from me! Why would you eat them?  You’ll be okay. You’ll find meat somewhere else. Just go to the shops!”

“How did you know ‘carnivore’ means someone that eats meat? You’re only four.”

“It’s ‘cause  I’m smart. Like mum.”

Tyler smirks. “Is that a backhanded way of calling me stupid?”

“You’re smart too, daddy.”  Brookie curls her arms around one of his thighs and leans her hand against him; eyes sparkling mischievously as she grins up at him. “In your own way.”

“You’re a real little shithead, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know!”  With a giggle and a squeeze of his leg, she turns on her heel and skips off into the barn. Pausing only long enough to cast a glance over her shoulder and add, “Mum says I get it from you!”

*****

An hour later, he keeps an ear open for any difficulties in the stall next to him.  Brookie tending to Pumpkin; alternating between talking herself through each step of the care routine and repeatedly singing, “Dirty deeds! Done dirt cheap!”. Earlier she’d insisted on carrying the feed and water buckets herself; slow yet steady trips across the barn as she muttered about how heavy the hauls were.  Informing him: “I can do it! I can do it!” each time he offered a hand.

“Daddy?”

Glancing  over his shoulder, he finds his daughter peering through the slats in the wall that separates the horses’ stalls “Brookie?”

“I got a bit of a problem.”

“What kind of problem?”

“Pumpkin is out of those salt licky things and I checked the storage in here and there’s none there.  I know where they keep them. Out back. And I’m not supposed to go anywhere unless I tell you or ask permission. 

So is it okay if I go and grab some? I’ll be really quick. Like a ninja.”

“Promise? Just there and back? No stopping every stall to say hi to the horses?”

“I promise. There and back! No stopping to say ‘hi’. But it’s going to kill me not to!”

“Go ahead then.”

Tyler keeps an eye on her from over the partition; gaze following as she bolts from Pumpkin’s stall and then scurries through the barn and towards the rear exit.  And he returns his attention to Bodhi when the four-year-old steps out into the sunshine;  speaking in a low, smooth tone as he gently glides a brush through the horse’s mane and along his glistening, chestnut coat.  

There’s something so comforting about it;  the smells, sounds, and sights within the barn’s four walls.  The smoothness of the horse’s coat against his palms and the coarseness of the mane as it slips through his fingers.  Far more therapeutic than any counselling session has ever been; no awkwardness between yourself and a doctor,  no embarrassment at some of the secrets and confessions you share.  And he thoroughly enjoys his time at the ranch;  left alone to tend to his own business and the fresh air and rolling hills soothing him in ways no medication ever could.

He’s filling the water and food troughs when it happens.  An ear-piercing scream that he can hear over the din inside the barn; managing to find its way over the rustles of horses within their stalls and the loud chewing and slurping and the grunts and neighing.  And it makes his blood run cold and every hair on his body stands on end;  initially rooted to the spot he stands in before his instincts take over.  Crossing the stall in two long strides and rushing for the exit; hand reaching under the bottom of his t-shirt for the Glock -nestled in its holster- that he’d clipped to his jeans before leaving the house.

“Daddy!” Brookie’s panicked voice floats in the air. “Daddy! Help! Help me please!”

The sunshine burns his eyes when he steps outside; initially blinding him.  When he regains his senses he glances down and finds a panicked Brookie looking up at him;  her vision blurred by tears of both frustration and fear.    And both feet stuck in a large, thick puddle of mud.  

“Daddy, help! I can’t get out!  I can’t move my boots! Not without my feet coming out!”

Relief surges through him and his fingers slip from the handle of the Glock; tucking it back into its resting place and covering the holster with the bottom of his t-shirt.   And he drops to a knee in front of his daughter; her hands immediately clutching his shoulders as he investigates the situation. 

“Calm down. You’re alright. I’ll get you out of there.”

“What if you can’t? What if I have to stay here forever?!”

“That’s not going to happen. It’s just mud.  Not like you’re stuck in concrete.”

“What if it isn’t mud? What if it’s quicksand? What if it’s quicksand and it sucks me under!”

“I won’t let that happen. And besides, it’s NOT quicksand.”

“How do you know?”

“I know everything, remember? Santa’s email and phone number, how to speak kangaroo.  Now just take a breath and calm down and I’ll have you out of there in no time.”

“I don’t want to lose my boots! They’re my favourite! Mummy got them for me.  And it might be the last thing she ever bought me and I won’t have them anymore and…”

“You won’t lose your boots,” he assures her. “Or your mum.  She’s got a long life ahead of her. Lots of time left to buy you things.”

“You sure?”

“I am one hundred percent sure.  I’m going to find her mum and bring her home and she’ll never…ever….get taken away again.”

“You promise?”

Tyler mods.

“Pinkie promise?”

He hooks his little finger around the much tinier one offered to him, then leans in to peck his daughter’s forehead.  “You’re alright, Brookie.  Nothing bad is going to happen. You’re not going to be stuck here forever. Maybe a few days. At the most.  And if that happens, I promise I’ll come visit three times a day and bring you all your favourite snacks.”

She manages a shaky, tearful smile.

“Let’s get you…and your boots…out of there, yeah?  Then we’ll get you clean and finish stuff with Pumpkin and Bodhi and go for ice cream?”

“Can we get a banana split to share? That’s always our special treat.”

“You read my mind. I was just thinking the same thing.  Come on, let’s get you out of this nasty old mud.”

As he begins working at clearing layers of mud with his bare hands,  her much smaller ones come to rest on his shoulders; tiny body leaning into his, her chin resting on the top of his head.  And after several minutes of scooping away muck and wrinkling her legs, she’s finally free and she gives an ecstatic cheer, an enormous sigh of relief, and then promptly bursts into tears.

“Daddy…” Her sobs shake her entire body, and she curls her arm around his neck and buries her face in his shoulder.  “...Daddy…”

He wordlessly comforts her; one muddy hand in her hair and the other on the small of her back.  Waiting until her sobs diminish in frequency and force before speaking.  “This isn’t just about getting stuck in the mud.  And the boots.”

Brookie vigorously shakes her head.

“It’s about your mum, yeah? And how much you miss her?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t have to.  And I’m not going to force you to.  As long as you know that when you’re ready to get it all out, you know where to find me.  You’ll come to me, yeah? And tell me all about it?”

“I don’t want to make you more sad.”

“Listen to me, Brookie.”   Pulling away, he clasps her face in his hands.  “It doesn’t matter what I’m feeling or what I’ve got going on.  Don’t ever worry about that.  You come first. You and your brothers and your sisters. So promise me;  that you’ll come and talk to me. Promise?”

“I promise.”

“ I know you want to be strong.  Especially for Addie.  And you are an incredibly brave and strong little girl for even trying.  But do you know what the best thing is? For your sister?  For her to see you get upset.  Because she might be older, but she idolizes you and wants to be just like you.  And right now? She needs to know it’s alright to be sad.   To get angry. Cry a lot.  That’s what she needs.   I mean look at your brothers;  they’re not afraid to show it.  Even TJ and Delcan, as tough as they are.  Even She-Beast Millie’s been out in the open about it.”

“She-Beast,”  Brookie repeats, and manages a giggle. “And you cry too.”

“I do.  Lots of daddies cry.  Even the really big and really strong ones.  It took me a long time to do it, though. In front of people. And you know who taught me that it was alright? Your mum.  And she is the smartest person I have ever known. Not to mention the strongest.  So don’t hide things, okay?  That’ll just hurt worse in the end. And for a long time.  I don’t want that for you.  I don’t want you to end up like I did.  Understand?”

She nods. “I understand, daddy.”

“I miss your mumma so much.  Every second of every day.  She’s not just my wife and the mother of my kids, but she’s my best friend.  And she’s been all those things for a long time now.”

“You promise you’ll find her? And bring her back?”

“I will do everything I can to make that happen. So that we get a lot more years with her.  So she gets to meet her four-legged grandchildren.”

Laughing, Brookie rests her forehead against his.  “I’m scared, daddy.”

“I know.”  Pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose, he again embraces her;  large, muscular arms holding as tightly as that little body will allow.  “So am I.”

#Tyler and Esme series #Tyler Rake #Tyler Rake fanfic #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Extraction #extraction 2 #Extraction fanfic #Extraction fan fiction #Chris Hemsworth #Tyler Rake x OFC #Esme Drummond #Esme Rake #Rake kids

[we-are-all-of-legend-now]

⚡ Scared of thunderstorms for Lao Shi and JakeRose's kids. Great grandpa tells the kids how their parents met.

I ... Think I turned this into something neither of us intended BUT I read this prompt and I was listening to the perfect song and before I knew it we had a whole thing happening before I even got out of the shower so um ... Now I’m finished and this was a lot and it took over my head and 10/10 I loved it 0/10 do not reccomend it happening again do what you will with that ...

⚡ Scared of thunderstorms

The song is The Night We Met by Lord Huron

Warnings: mostly written on my phone, major character death(s), 1 swear

Send me more!

I am not the only traveler

Who has not repaid his debt

I've been searching for a trail to follow again

"Gramps! Gramps!"

Lao Shi bolted awake as his bedroom door flew open. In his own cot at the end of Lao Shi's bed, Fu Dog snorted. In the doorway, were the three children. Ten year old Cecilia, who looked the most like her mother, had five year old Julia and three year old Ash tucked under her arms. In the dark of the night, the thunder rumbled and the lighting flash, Lao Shi understood.

"Come here, come here," he urged and Cecilia led the charge, diving under the covers.

Lao Shi could tell that she was trying not to cry. He knew she felt that she was the oldest and she had to be strong; Lao Shi had known a boy like that too.

"Everyone in, come on," Cecilia said, pulling Ash up with her.

"Fu Dog too!" Julia cried and, obendiently as a real dog, Fu jumped onto the end of the bed, settling between the younger two siblings.

Ash, who didn't understand the terror, pet the dog. Julia, who only vaguely understood the dynamics of being scared, was happy to let herself be distracted by Fu. It was Cecilia, who had seen the worst, who had made the distress call that fall night three years ago, tucked herself up to Lao Shi and rested her head against him, crying out as the thunder boomed again.

"I've got you, my girl," Lao Shi said soothingly, holding her close. He wondered if he should call Susan and Jonathan.

"I can't forget, Gramps," Cecilia whispered, keeping her words away from her younger siblings. "Every time I hear the thunder or see the lightning I remember it all again."

Lao Shi didn't have the words to reassure her, although he wished he did. He wished he could take away all of her memories and his own. He wished that everything was different for his great-grandchildren.

"Let me tell you a story," Lao Shi offered. "I can't take it away but let's give you something better to think about."

"Is it a story about Mom and Dad?" Cecilia asked hopefully.

Julia's head perked up. She had only been three and Lao Shi didn't think she remembered them. Ash had only been two weeks and Lao Shi knew that when he grew, he would think of Susan and Jonathan as his parents. Only Cecilia would carry the burden of remembering for all of them. It made Lao Shi's heart very heavy indeed.

"Yes," Lao Shi promised. "It's a story about your parents."

But he wondered which one was the right one to tell.

Take me back to the night we met

And then I can tell myself

What the hell I'm supposed to do

The story, told forever after, was that the first time that Jake saw Rose, he forgot his own name. When he was younger, he would go red and deny it, but as he got older, he was able to laugh about it and, even on rare occasions, admit that it was exactly what had happened. They were teenagers, in a school hallway, and Rose had been standing at her locker. Spud and Trixie had been on either side of Jake, arguing over his head, but Jake couldn’t ever remember what they’d been arguing about. It was unlikely that he’d even been paying attention in the first place.

Rose had shut the door of her locker and had laughed at something the girl next to her said. Jake had turned his head to look and that had been the end of him, before he’d even known her name.

Once he learnt her name, it was a torrent, a rollercoaster of feelings, a story that would be one to not only tell their children, but to put down in the history books. It had all felt exactly that momentous the first time that Jake had really kissed Rose, their noses bumping and their teeth scraping in their sheer desperation to be close to one another and share something so precious.

“Yeah, well, I’m going to marry her.”

“Jake, kid, you’re eighteen,” Fu Dog said, very practically.

Lao Shi probably would have said the same thing, about any other eighteen year old couple, in any other circumstance.

Jake eyed his grandfather, waiting for the agreement with Fu and for Gramps to try him scare him off of Rose, again.

“Not soon, probably,” Jake added, when the silence became too much for him. “But eventually, you know, when we get to an age where that’s normal. ‘Cause she’s not going anywhere.”

“So long as you wait until after the marriage for the children,” Lao Shi said, looking at his grandchild and feeling the years. It was so hard for him to imagine that Jake was old enough to be talking about these milestones. He remembered when Susan had first brought Jonathan home and how he had felt old all of those decades ago.

Jake was not sharing in his grandfather’s sentimental moment and was, instead, choking on his tongue. “Gramps, I can’t have kids, do you know what kind of father I’d be? God, I still forget to brush my hair some mornings.”

“This is why you’re not ready to get married,” Fu said sarcastically.

Lao Shi admitted that was true but he also admitted, to himself, that Jake was going to be a fantastic father, and he only hoped that he was around to see it.

And then I can tell myself

Not to ride along with you

I had all and then most of you

Jake married Rose when they were only twenty-two.

For most of the world, it was considered quite young, to those who knew the couple, they wondered down inside, what had really taken them so long. Not that it really mattered, in the scheme of it, where there was a Jake, there was a Rose, and where there was a Rose, there was a Jake. Any onlooker could tell that they were both were they were supposed to be when they were sitting next to one another, trading conversations in glances, communicating all the other needed to know in the touch of a hand.

The bride was beautiful, walking down an outdoor aisle in late spring. The flowers seemed to bloom along the ground as her skirts swept by, the breeze adding to the illusion as it gently fluffed her veil and long blonde curls. At the altar, Jake cried the moment he laid eyes on her. He was long past the teenager who would scoff away him emotions because it was masculine or cool to admit that he had them.  When Jake looked at Rose, he could feel the enormity of their life together and all of the years that they were going to have. When Jake looked at Rose, he knew she was the thought he lived and died by. Their hands touched and their vows were said. The first time they kissed as husband and wife, the universe felt the rightfulness of the moment and the sun shone brighter and the grass was greener and as they made their way down the aisle, arms linked together, the flowers even smelled sweeter.

Lao Shi was finally able to dance with the bride when the sun was setting over their garden reception. Rose was absolutely stunning as she took his hands and let him lead and, even though she looked nothing like his late wife, Lao Shi had always thought that she and Rose would have gotten along wonderfully - they had the same spirit and the same fire. They had to, to fall in love and make a life with a dragon.

“Welcome to the family, Rose,” Lao Shi said gravely, though they both knew that she had been considered one of the family for a very long time.

“Does this mean I can call you ‘Gramps’ too now?” she asked, mostly teasing,

But, she had been signing birthday cards and holiday cards along with Jake for years, both of them having immediately moved out of their family homes and into a cramped studio apartment together the moment they had been permitted to. Standing with her now, Lao Shi could visualize her loopy scrawl ‘To Gramps Love Rose and’ with Jake’s chicken scratch at the bottom to prove that Rose hadn’t done it all for him.

“That would make me very happy,” Lao Shi said and was delighted when Rose kissed his cheek.

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Jake and Rose were no strangers to fear, to hardships, to doing the right thing even when it hurt. They had been tested more in the first years of their relationship than most couples were in a lifetime together. They had cried for one another, for themselves, for them as a unit. There were times of despair that would haunt a person but that melted away when they were together. It was right, then, that that they be gifted joy. It was right then, that when Rose confessed to Jake, in the middle of the night as they lay nose to nose, that she wanted a family so large that they couldn’t all fit in one house, Jake had laughed and agreed and taken her into his arms. He, too, wanted little feet along the hardwood floor, a cacophony of little voices crying out ‘DAD! COME WATCH!’ as he walked through the door. He wanted sibling fights and backyard barbeques. He wanted to dance in an embarrassing way at his child’s wedding. He wanted to feel the world move when he heard someone’s very first breath.

Jake and Rose went to the water, taking a picnic basket, and sitting under the stars. It was the Fourth of July and Jake popped open a beer. He offered it to Rose but she gave away nothing when she told him that she wanted something else from the basket. Jake had good-naturedly reached for things, sorting through the snacks and drinks as she replied ‘not that one’ until he pulled out a candy that he hadn’t seen in a very long time - a Baby Bottle Pop. Rose always told the story after laughing because Jake was focused on the retro candy and not why she might have given him that treat in particular. It took him offering a taste of it to her to even ask why she picked it up and, in a dry tone that everyone who had ever met hear could hear, she told him that it was more romantic than handing him a stick she’d peed on. There were no words to describe the joy on Jake’s face when he understood and the fireworks they felt when he kissed her, touching the spot on her bare stomach where their first child would first kick, had nothing to do with the holiday.

Lao Shi heard what, he was sure in his old age and wisdom, was the sanitized, cute version, but only after being invited to family dinner at Jonathan’s and Susan’s house. When the dessert was cleared and Haley couldn’t even complain about her thesis anymore, Jake cleared his throat.

“We have an announcement.”

The last announcement had been their wedding and, as one, he and Fu Dog turned their heads. Lao Shi could already tell, from the beaming look on Jake’s face, what it was going to be, but he still had his breath. He remembered hearing those words from his wife, from his daughter, and now his granddaughter-in-law, and though the years made his very bones hurt, he was grateful to be able to experience it all, and he hoped that he would be able to meet this child. He was not as young as he used to be.

“We’re going to have a baby!” Rose blurted, her cheeks pink and her excitement palpable.

Susan screamed, as Lao Shi knew she would. They were all swept into a family hug, everyone’s voices overlapping one another as people wondered about due dates and genders and when did they find out and was there a story.

“I still think of him as the kid who couldn’t find his tail,” Fu Dog said, his voice watery, because Fu Dog was definitely the more emotional one.

This time, Lao Shi had to agree. So many times over the years had he looked at his grandson and granddaughter and wondered how they had grown up so quickly. Amongst the hubbub, he went to Jake’s side and gently touched his elbow. Immediately, Jake leant down.

“What do you think, Gramps?” he asked. “Boy or girl?”

“I think that I’m very proud of you and that no matter what, they are very lucky to have you as their father.”

Jake took Lao Shi’s hand, the squeeze saying more than words ever could as they looked at one another and shared the moment.

“But when do you find out if it’s a boy or a girl?” Haley asked. “Are you going to find out?”

The moment was broken by Haley’s shrill question.

“Gramps,” Jake said, “You still have to vote: boy or girl?”

Haunted by the ghost of you

Oh, take me back to the night we met

There was something so stark about waiting rooms. About the possibility and impossibility of it all. Everything and nothing was real, sitting amongst other families in the states of disbelief and their array of questions. There was anxiety when a doctor arrived, relief and terror when they called someone else’s name. It was a place that Jake didn’t know well and he didn’t know what to do now that he was here. He was barely thirty and he had two healthy daughters, sleeping peacefully at his mother’s house, because Rose had stopped him in the middle of the park today to tell him that she was in labour and their first son was going to come. Like with the birth of all children, the world carried on spinning as Cecilia and Julia were taken to their grandmothers. It felt almost like routine now, three children in seven years, with Rose determined to have at least three more in the next seven, as they walked into the hospital. Jake knew how Doctor Jiang would shake their hands. Doctor Jiang’s hands were safe hands. They were the hands that had delivered both daughters, who had held the wand so they could hear the heartbeats of all of their children, who had written down genders to be stuffed into an envelope so that Jake and Rose could be surprised by the colour of the icing when Susan made cupcakes.

It wasn’t right when Rose became light-headed. It wasn’t right when there was blood. It wasn’t right when Doctor Jiang had grasped him arm and explained that they had to take Rose down to surgery and there was a chance that they could only save one of them. Doctor Jiang had said that everyone was going to do everything to make sure that both of them came back to Jake and that their family didn’t have to suffer but Jake appreciated the fact that there were no lies. At the very least, he could start preparing, but he didn’t know how to prepare. He didn’t know what to do. It was all of these words that Jake had spilled over the phone, in the hushed limbo of the waiting room, and Lao Shi had promised to come.

“I couldn’t call anyone else, Gramps,” Jake said, when Lao Shi sat down next to him. “I needed you.”

“You have me,” Lao Shi said, “and it’s going to be all right.”

“Long?” a doctor that was not Doctor Jiang was standing in the doorway. “Family of Rose Long.”

“I can’t breathe.”

Lao Shi took Jake by the elbow and together they walked to the doctor.

“Come with me.”

“I’m her husband,” Jake said as they followed the doctor into a private spot. “I’m ... I’m the father.”

“I’m Doctor Avery. I was the surgeon on Rose’s case and I want to let you know that both Rose and your son survived the surgery.”

Jake fell to his knees.

“But?” Lao Shi asked.

“Your son was full-term and was able to be delivered quickly via C-Section. We have him under watch in the NICU but there is no reason to think, at this time, that he won’t be fine.”

“Thank you,” Jake whispered. “Rose?”

“She’ll be waking up from anesthesia shortly,” Doctor Avery said, “and while we do expect a full recovery, it’s important that you understand that in order to save her life, we had to perform a hysterectomy.”

“But you did save her life?” Jake said.

Nothing else would matter if Rose was not saved. Lao Shi knew that Jake would try. He would try for the community he swore to protect, he would try for his family, and most of all, he would try for his children. Susan hadn’t been nearly as young as Cecilia, Julie, or even Ash were when she had lost her mother, but Lao Shi knew that it had haunted Susan, and he didn’t want that for his great-grandchildren.

“Yes,” Doctor Avery promised, “We saved their lives.”

When the night was full of terrors

And your eyes were filled with tears

When you had not touched me yet

When the tales are told, it was always a normal night that blossomed into something else. It was the most mundane of times when lives were changed and it was always hoped to be for the better or, even best yet, that life was left alone. Perhaps it was just a flash of lightning. If it was not a flash of lightning, perhaps it was a symbol, not an omen. The torrents of rain didn’t have to be foreboding - it could just be weather. The crash of thunder didn’t have to be a catalyst for fear, but, rather, a reason to stay up late with two daughters and bring them cocoa. It was what Jake did when the sky became grey and the storm started rolling in. Rose had just been allowed home and she was propped up in bed, Cecilia and Julia on either side of her, although being careful. They had been warned so many times that Mommy was sick and it was heartwarming, they way they would take turns kissing Rose’s temples and telling her they were ‘Feel better wishes!’. Ash was sleeping in a small cot in the corner of Jake’s and Rose’s room and once his daughters had their cocoa and Jake had checked on Rose, Jake watched his son. Ash was the only one who looked like Jake. Julia looked like a better blend of Jake and Rose, whereas Cecilia was her mother, through and through. Jake didn’t think it fair that he wasn’t there for Ash’s first breath, for the cutting of the cord, for the placing of the baby on Rose’s bare chest, where they would kiss over his little head. It was what had been done for all for his daughters and it was overwhelming that, despite all of their plans, it wouldn’t happen again. Jake watched Rose help Julia with her mug and it didn’t matter. They would adopt. They would have a surrogate. They would foster until their hair was grey and their joints gave out, just to have the house filled with children’s laughter in the way they had dreamt.

The thunder roared; the window panes shook. Cecilia whimpered.

“It’s okay,” Jake told her. “It’s okay.”

It was still okay when Julia went up to bed. It was okay when Ash was taken from the little bed in his parents’ room to his nursery next door. It was still okay when Cecilia refused to go to bed, wanting to stay up a little longer.

“Just one more story, Mommy,” she begged. She begged like she knew, but but no one else did.

“It’s late,” Rose said, “and Dad says off to bed and we have to listen to Dad, right?”

“Yeah,” Cecilia said, but she was reluctant about it.

Jake swung Cecilia up in his arms. “Come on, tell Mom you love her.”

“I love you, Mommy!”

Jake bowed Cecilia down so that Rose could give her a goodnight kiss and then he swung her up, up so high it felt like her feet were going to touch the Cecilia.

“I love you too, Daddy.”

“I love you,” both of her parents had said.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Those were the words that Cecilia repeated to herself ever after. The last words she had ever said to them, that they had ever traded back, on the last night when thunder was thunder and lightning was lightning for her, for her family. But, not for the world. For the world, at the time she was hiding with her siblings, teaching a five year old how to convince a one week old to suck on her finger so he wouldn’t cry, at the time she was sneaking down the stairs, wondering what the word ‘fuck’ meant but not realizing the depth of it until decades later, at the time the her little fingers and the soles of her tiny feet were covered in blood as she reached for the phone, at that time, for the world, it was just a storm.

Lao Shi had been on the way back from an artifact trade show when the storm hit. His wings were not as good in the torrential downpour as they once might have been. He pushed himself harder than he had in many years because he didn’t want to be here when the lightning struck, when the skies became dangerous. His little apartment was light brightly and was warm, Fu holding down the fort as he yapped on the phone to a little Pomeranian from British Columbia. Lao Shi shook out his dragon wings in the kitchen, splashing rain water everywhere. At the time his phone rang, he almost didn’t answer it.

“Hello?”

“Gramps, you have to come. And you have to call Aunt Haley, because the other kids are hiding and she needs to get them so they don’t see.”

“Cecilia?” Lao Shi asked.

At the time, it was eleven at night.

“Gramps, you have to come. It’s scary and I need you. I didn’t know who else to call. Please.”

“Cecilia, let me talk to Mom or Dad, okay?”

“I can’t,” Cecilia said, with a child’s frankness that would chill the world forever after. “They’re dead.”

Oh, take me back to the night we met

I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Sometimes, the simplest things become the worst things. A phone call to a granddaughter. A dragon taking flight. A doorknob, in the middle of the night.

Lao Shi sent Haley into the nursery room. Ash and Julia were there, crying as Haley scooped them into her scaly arms and rushing them to Susan’s. Lao Shi hadn’t the heart to tell Haley of the phone conversation. He hadn’t the will to speak it, lest it make it true. He had said there was an emergency. That he needed to get Cecilia and Haley had to get her niece and nephew and guard them until Lao Shi called. Haley hadn’t understood but, for perhaps the very first time in her life, she knew enough not to ask questions.

Lao Shi had left it to himself to open the front door and pull Cecilia into his chest. She didn’t cry as she wrapped her arms around his neck, her long blonde hair looking like behead, her blue eyes dazed, her hands bright red. Lao Shi hid her face in his dragon’s shoulder as he darted into the living room, where there was Jake. Jake, bloodied, eyes at the ceiling, one hand a dragon’s claw, killed before he could transform. Rose, at the entrance to the hallway, blocking the way to the children’s room, her stitches pulled and a bullet wound in her forehead.

Lao Shi could never prove what happened. The police could never solve it. He knew, deep down, that it was not magical. He had asked Cecilia once, and only once, and she had said that the door had opened and Daddy, who had been carrying her up the stairs, had put her down. He had told her to go to her room but she hadn’t. She had been scared of the lightning and was waiting for him to come back. Until she heard him say “what the fuck”. It was such a bad sounding word that it had made her scared and her parents had always told her that when it was an emergency, when she was that scared, that she should go into Ash’s room, to the body of the hippo, where a secret door was hidden, where they would go and stay safe, until Mom and Dad came to get them. Cecilia hadn’t thought it was an emergency, not that kind, until the thunder was inside of her house. When the thunder was in the house and Mommy was screaming Daddy’s real name, Cecilia went to Julia. Julia was sleeping under her Care Bear comforter, the blankets pulled all the way up to her nose, when Cecilia took her hand. Cecila had to pull the sides of the crib down to get Ash. She was very, very, very, careful with Ash, she was sure to tell Lao Shi, because Mommy and Daddy had already told her so many times with Julia, how to be careful with a little baby’s neck. She didn’t hear her mother scream that night but in the nightmares that came in the years after, she would swear that she did.

It was an unfairness in the universe, an unbalance that could never be rightened. In a world where everything was just and people got what they deserve, a villain who gave herself to a hero, a hero who sacrificed his love for her happiness, would find the world bright when they came back together. A besotted man who proposed on her twentieth birthday when they were out for ice-cream cones who find himself growing old with the love of his life. A blushing bride who enjoyed the day but was thinking of the future and her grandchildren would get to meet them. In a world where everything was right, two people who did everything they could to do everything right, would meet the world that they deserve.

They would meet their ends in old age rather than a startle of blood.

Take me back to the night we met

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

“Gramps? Gramps?”

Lao Shi was startled back to the present, thinking that in the darkness, he could see it all happening at once. He could see himself attending Rose’s and Jake’s wedding at the same time that he could see himself attending Rose’s and Jake’s funeral. He could see his grandson at the age of fourteen with the blush of first love on his cheeks never dreaming that the blush of his first love would be the blush of his last love.

“Cecilia,” Lao Shi said.

Together, they turned and watched. Ash was sleeping against Fu’s stomach and Julia was nearly there herself. With the company around them, the storm didn’t hold any fears. For them, thunder was allowed to be thunder and lightning was allowed to be lightning. There was no worry that when they left the bedroom, there would be blood on the stairs, brain on the area rug that was a wedding gift. They would grow up asking Cecilia why she moved to a place where there were no hurricanes and asking what their parents sounded like. At ten, all of that seemed very far off, but Lao Shi knew it all happened separately and at once. He wished that he could preserve his family, keep them all in the week where Ash was born, when the puzzle fit together, and everything made sense.

“I miss them.” She would eventually be the only one who held onto true pieces of them, the only one who could pass down real memories. One day, none of that would matter either but, for a very, very long time, that would matter very much.

“I miss them too,” Lao Shi said, because, sometimes, the simplest words were the ones that were needed.

Haunted by the ghost of you

Take me back to the night we met

#brea answers things #anonymous #american dragon #american dragon jake long #jake long #rose adjl #adjl rose #jake/rose #luong lao shi #fu dog #jonathan long #haley long #susan long #jake/rose kids #rake kids #my fanfiction #the last letter #writing #disney

[amygdalae]

#heehoo haahee #this is from the wikipedia page for the Rake lol im drunk rn googling creepypastas that used to scare me as a kid. and im going heehoo! ha

[raelle-writing]

The DFF fandom on Twitter has gotten out of control.

Since Saturday, I have been called an abuse apologist, a r*pe apologist, a bully, a child, a shit person, stupid, shortsighted, mean, etc. as well been told to seek therapy.

Why?

Because I like Jin.

#I’m really tired yall #I’m only out here doing scene analyses and stuff #I never said that I think Jin has done nothing wrong #I just don’t think he deserves the hate he’s been subjected to #considering he reacts like pretty much every normal person would in his situation #arguably better because many people would be more like Fluke than Jin #he makes mistakes but he’s also a kid #and I don’t think I deserve to be raked across the coals for having some nuance in how I view him #dead friend forever #dff the series #dff

[moongothic]

There is something funny to be said about how both Dragon and Crocodile are like 2½ meters tall, they are massive fucking men. But Luffy's 174 cm, that's the height of a regular ass person. Which makes him 80 cm shorter than his dads, nearly a whole meter in height difference

Which makes me wonder

Was Luffy a regular-sized baby by our standards but absolutely itty bitty tiny when compared to his dads (like he would've fit onto Dragon's palm), or was Luffy a massive ass fucking baby who came into the world huge but didn't actually get the Huge Motherfucker-genes from his parents and just stayed short

#Moon posting #OP Meta #Crocodad #I'm just saying if Luffy was itty bitty then keeping that pregnancy a secret could've been easier #Like. Yeah Oda could pull another ''Rouge who was 20 months pregnant was thin like a rake'' #But I'd rather he didn't #And if we can find an excuse to how Crocodile could hide a pregnancy in plain sight for a considderable amount of time #Then yeah. Him being huge (even pre-HRT) (he better have been huge pre-HRT. Oda I will beat you up) with a tiny baby could work #The real point of this post however was indeed the idea that Luffy could've been an itty bitty newborn compared to his dads #Like the size of a kitten by our standards #Yeah. That mental image is something #(Sidenote Dragon is appearently 31 cm shorter than Garp too) #(So it seems like the Monkey Family be shrinking) (If Luffy ever has a kid then the kid will be less than a meter tall eh)

[bonefall]

post/734733274896809984/do-you-ever-worry-your-own-writing-might-come-off that makes sense. i was asking because i'm afraid of accidentally writing misogyny myself and i kind of admire what you do

Hmm... I wish I had better advice to give you on this front, but honestly, the only thing I can tell you is to consider the perspective of your female characters.

Women are people. They have thoughts and feelings of their own, so like... just let them have their own arcs. A lot of the worst misogyny in WC comes from the way that the writers just don't care about their girls (or, in the case of tall shadow, actually get undermined and forced to rewrite entire chapters), so they're not curious about their lives, or WHY they feel the way they do or what they want, or any direction for their character arcs.

Turtle Tail as an example. She'll often just end up feeling whatever Gray Wing's plot demands. She's gotta leave when Storm dumps him to make him feel lonely. She shows up again to love him in the next book. Lets her best friend Bumble get dragged back to Tom the Wifebeater, but is sad enough about her death to be "unreasonably angry" with Clear Sky, and then calms down and accept Gray Wing is right all along.

And then she dies, so he can have his very own fridge wife.

In this way, Turtle Tail's just being used to tell Gray Wing's story. They're not interested in why she would turn on Bumble, or god forbid any lingering negative feelings for how she didn't help her, or even resentment towards Clear Sky for killing her or Gray Wing for jumping to his defense. She isn't really going through her own character arc.

She does have personality traits of her own, don't misunderstand my criticism, but as a character she revolves around Gray Wing.

So, zoom out every now and then, and just ask yourself; "Whose story is being told by what I wrote? Do my female characters have goals, wants, and agency, or are they just supporting men? How do their choices impact the narrative?"

But that's already kinda assuming that you already have characters like Turtle Tail who DO have personalities and potential of their own. Here's some super simple and practical advice that helped me;

Tally the genders in your cast. How many are boys, how many are girls, how many are others?

And take stock of how many of those characters are just in the supporting cast, and compare that to the amount you have in the main cast.

If you have a significant imbalance, ESPECIALLY in the main cast, fire the Woman Beam.

It's a really simple trick to just write a male character, and then change its gender while keeping it the same. I promise women are really not fundamentally different from men lmao. You can consider how your in-universe gender roles affect them later, if you'd like, but when you're just starting to wean yourself off a "boy bias" this trick works like a charm.

Also you're not allowed to change the body type of any girl you Woman Beam because I said so. PLEASE allow your girls to have muscles, or be fat, or be old, or have lots of scars. Do NOT do what a cowardly Triple A studio does, where the women all have the same cute or sexy face and curvy body while they're standing next to dwarves, robots, and a gorilla.

Or this shit,

If you do this I will GET you. If you're ever possessed by the dark urge, you will see my face appear in the clouds like Mufasa himself to guide you away from the path of evil.

Anyway, you get better at just making characters girls to begin with as time goes on and you practice it. It's really not as big of a deal as your brain might think it is.

Take a legitimate interest in female characters and try not to disproportionately hit them with parental/romance plots as opposed to the male cast, and you'll be fine. Don't think of them as "SPECIAL WOMEN CHARACTERS" just make a character and then let her be a girl, occasionally checking your tally and doing some critical thinking about their use in the story.

(Also remember I'm not a professional or anything, I'm just trying to give advice)

#I wish I had more succinct and practical advice to give you besides the woman beam trick #Honestly I just kinda feel it out because I like telling stories about girls #I made it fun for myself by clapping and cheering and whooping and hollering whenever a girl does something #because it's not fun to write like a monk in a monastery #With the spectre of Brother Smockbimble looming over your shoulder telling you to Write Perfectly Every Time #Characters aren't real people. You can just fix it if you happen to fuck up or do better next time with what you learned. #Making mistakes is just part of acquiring skill #and writing is an art just like painting or drawing. #So don't make a fun OC project into homework! You should be enjoying making your own art! Express yourself! #Please understand that when I'm ripping into the series I'm being so harsh because it's bestselling corporate media #Read by HUNDREDS of thousands of kids worldwide #Raking in millions of dollars a year. Written by a TEAM of professionals. #So I have higher expectations of it than of a fandom rando on the internet. Or even a self-published author who's just One Guy. #Hence why I'm infinitely more charitable to Ratha than I am to Battle Cats #bones gives advice

[journeytothewestresearch]

Why does Zhu Baije wield a rake as a weapon? Is there some sort of symbolism, or did some ancient Chinese guy just think it'd be cool?

That's a good question. My guess is that the storytellers who developed Zhu Bajie thought it would be funny to associate a farm animal with a farming tool.

The rake imagery goes back to the Yuan dynasty, as evidenced by this Cizhou ware ceramic pillow.

The kind of rake that he carries is similar to the "hand yarrow" (yundang (耘盪), a bamboo-handled rake with metal teeth designed to weed rice crops. It appears in The Book of Agriculture (Nongshu, 農書, 1313), which was written in response to the devastation that the Mongols had wrought on China during the Song and Yuan dynasties. So the featured tools were meant to help make life easier for farmers toiling away in the fields (Bray & Needham, 2004, pp. 59-60).

What's interesting is that published dynastic sources depict Zhu's rake differently. For instance, the original 1592 edition of JTTW illustrates it as a war rake.

And Mr. Li Zhuowu’s Literary Criticism of Journey to the West (late-16th-c. or early-17th-c.) depicts it as a toothed club:

By the way, I saw your prior question. I don't know much about the subject. Sorry.

Source:

Bray, F. & Needham, J. (2004). Science and Civilisation in China: Volume 6, Biology and Biological Technology; Part 2 – Agriculture. Cambridge: Cambridge U.P.

#Zhu Bajie #Zhu Wuneng #rake #Journey to the West #JTTW #Pigsy #history #Lego Monkie Kid

[albatris]

nanowrimo day 15 update! we're at the halfway point boys!

today's count word is 30,977!

a building burns down, one half of the gang reunites with the other half of the gang, and quinn and epson ecotank et-4800 wireless printer have an unexpected heart to heart

or maybe epson has a heart to heart, assuming quinn is a type of person quinn isn't, while quinn sits there feeling uncharacteristically guilty that they're not the type of person epson thinks they are

also epson and ampersand make a joke abt eating quinn and nat nearly murders them on the spot

today's mood is not found and today's jam is "square hammer" by ghost

#in Nat's defence he's exhausted and traumatised and hes not thinking straight #quinn has to be like NO BABE THEY WERE KIDDING b4 he rips some throats out #nanowrimo #a rental car takes a left down rake street and disappears

[bluebellhairpin]

Damian stays comedically tiny until he's about seventeen, then the big boy brucie genes kick in and he becomes the second largest bat-sibling.

#the first is jason. i will stand by that until i'm cold in my grave #third is duke. then dick. then cass. then tim (he stays skinny as a rake poor kid can't help it). then steph. #nemos thoughts #damian wayne #batman

[beheworthy]

Extraction 2 June 16th, 2023

#extraction 2 #netflix #extraction 2 netflix #extraction #tyler rake #chris hemsworth #filmedit #movieedit #chemsedit #chrishemsworthedit #netflixedit #actionedit #moviegifs #filmgifs #fyeahmovies #filmtvcentral #cinematv #cinemapix #having lost his baby boy he sure ends up saving a lot of adorable kids #literally my favorite thing ever

[chickensarentcheap]

Never Gonna Be Alone: Chapter 95

Title: Concern

Warnings: a sprinkle of profanity, lots of angst

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @youflickedtooharddamnit, @tragiclyhip, @secretaryunpaid, @raith-way, @jvstjewels, @arrthurpendragon, @ocappreciationtag, @occommunity​, @residentdormouse, @asirensrage, @starryeyes2000​

Tag list is OPEN

Link to Ao3:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/28860450/chapters/106987611

I do NOT give permission for my stuff to be copied and reposted ANYWHERE. Don’t be a low down, knuckle dragging, swamp dwelling thief.  

“Infected.” Shaena sighs, and rips her latex gloves off in frustration; tossing them aside and then yanking a fresh pair from a waiting box. “Not that I’m surprised. The way you’ve been pushing things.”

“You’re pushing a lot of things too. Like your luck. And the limits of my patience.”

“You know, you can get as shitty with me as you want, Tyler Rake. I see right through you. Always have. I’ve always known your bark is worse than your bite; even way back when you were an actual patient of mine. Awww, the good old days.” She snaps on the gloves and gives a devilish grin. “When I was in charge of putting a tube in and out of your dick. And I could drug you when you got too mouthy.”

“Who was mouthy? I was a goddamn delight.”

“You were something alright.” She pulls over a tray of supplies carefully wrapped in sterilized cloth; spreading the latter out across the table and then setting out each item in order of use. “I don’t know if it was a delight, mind you.”

“I always knew you got a kick out of the whole catheter thing. That you were a sadist. You liked that, didn’t ya. Watching me squirm.”

“It was nice to see a little vulnerability from you. You always alternated between stoic and silent bad ass to grumpy as fuck man child, so it was nice to get a peek at the other side. I knew you weren’t as hard core as you let on. That there was softer side lingering somewhere just under the surface.”

“I still don’t think it was right that you got your kicks out of torturing my dick, but…”

“You were always so bitchy whenever it came to catheter change time. I mean, I didn’t blame you; it’s not the most pleasant experience in the world. But it was kind of nice; enacting revenge on behalf of the night staff you terrorized. You know how scared of you they were? And you barely said two words to any of them. But you’d just look at them a certain way…” She laughs when she catches a glimpse of his face; chin dropped slightly into his chest, brow furrowed, lips fixed in a thin, stern line. “...yup…that’s it. That’s the look.”

“For what it’s worth, you made the whole experience somewhat bearable. I know I wasn’t the best patient. Hospitals and I…”

“You’re not the best bed mates, I know. Now…” She fills a large barrelled syringe with saline. “...are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way? Do you want freezing or…?”

“How bad is it going to hurt?”

“There’s an abscess under the skin. Between your third and fourth knuckle. It’s not a big one, but I still need to drain it and clean it out. Maybe open it up a bit and shove in some medical packing and…”

“Just drain it and clean it. Give me some meds. Keep away more infection.”

“Tyler, if I don’t treat this properly…”

“Do the bare minimum, give me some pills, and call it a day. I don’t have time for much else. I’ve got kids to look after and business things to take care of and I’ve got all kinds of people showing up later. Just to what needs to be done. Without making things worse.”

“You’re going to make things worse if you don’t let me take care of you the RIGHT way. I know the bare minimum has been good enough for you for most of your life, but…”

“I survived bullets to my throat and my back and caught the beating of a lifetime from an ex Marine. I think I can handle whatever you’re going to do with my hand.”

“If it’s not done properly it could lead to worse infection than this. Staph, MRSA, sepsis.”

“Like I said, clean it and give me whatever meds you need to give me to keep things under control.”

“Tyler, I know that you’re dead set on getting out there in a couple of days. I know that all that matters to you is finding Esme. I’m on your side, here. But if you don’t take care of yourself…”

“Just do what I say!” He bellows, then finds himself burdened by instant regret. He’s been on edge since the initial kidnapping; his hypervigillance at an all time high, his temper on a constant, slow boil, his last shreds of patience beginning to weaken and fray. And even during all his years as a merc and all the high pressure situations he’d been placed in, he’d never been this spent; physically and emotionally exhausted and unsure of how much he has left to give. And never this scared. “I’m sorry.” He’s quick to apologize. “I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. I didn’t…”

“I’m surprised you’re not doing more of it, to be honest. I know you’re going through hell. Your body AND your mind. And I know you’re holding it together the best you can. But I’m worried about you. I'm trying to take care of you; so you hold up physically. If your body gives out on you…”

“Please just do what I ask, Shaena. Just do what I want you to do, okay? Because right now I’m drowning and I’m trying to keep my head above water. And it feels it isn’t enough; no matter how hard I fight or no matter how much I try to focus on the kids or how I try to distract myself. I need something to be simple and easy. So just…” He inhales a long, quivering breath. “...just do what I want. Please.”

“I’ll drain it and clean it up and patch it the best I can. I’m not a miracle worker, Tyler. And that hand is pretty busted up and without getting proper medical care…”

“Please,” he begs. “Just do what I say.”

Shaena relents; taking in a deep breath and then slowly exhaling before piercing the skin with the needle. Giving an apologetic smile when he grimaces and offers up a long and drawn out, “Fuck.”

“I remember when Esme used to bring the kids,” she attempts to keep his mind off the painful task at hand. “To the hospital. So they could spend some time with you. They were just so damn cute; all piling out of the elevator and running down the hall; just so excited about getting to see you. I remember when she FIRST brought them; all these littles one and their cute voices and their giggles just filling up the whole ward. It was such a hard place to be; illness and death all around us. And all of sudden, so much life was brought back into things.”

“I’m sure they were causing their fair share of hell.”

“Everyone loved having them there. Staff, families of patients. They were just the most adorable little things; so happy to be there to see daddy. Bragging about you to anyone who would listen. Not at all shy about saying ‘daddy kills bad people’.”

“That had to be TJ.”

“To him, it was the coolest thing in the world; his dad sticking up for good people and getting rid of bad ones. Everyone thought you were a cop. We never told anyone of course; what your real job was. Or how you ended up in the hospital to begin with.”

“I guess that would have come as a shock. Hearing something like that. Isn’t every day you cross paths with a mercenary, I’m sure.”

“You were my first. Not that it mattered to me. I didn’t care what you did for a living. All I cared about was helping you get better. And getting you back on your feet and home to your family.”

“It was a long road. And if Esme hadn't fought like hell to get me sent back here…”

“She is fierce, isn’t she? Relentless. We were always in awe of her; not afraid to put doctors in their place or kick up a fuss to get you the best care possible. She was fearless. Nothing…and no one…stood in her way when it came to taking care of you.”

He manages a smile; thinking of how -when he starts pushing her buttons- she huffs in exasperation or plants her hands on her hips and tilts her head to the side as observes him through narrowed eyes. Speaking through every movement and expression; letting him know -beyond a shadow of a doubt- that he’s treading on thin ice.

“Tiny but mighty. I found that out quick in Dhaka. Just how tough she actually is. I remember when we met; watching her as we stood in my kitchen in The Kimberley. Just this cute, tiny little thing that seemed way out of her element. I thought there was no way she was going to be able to handle things in Dhaka. No way she’d be able to hold her own against someone like Asif and his people. I tell ya, she proved me wrong. First day in. After that, I never doubted her again.”

“It’s always the ones you least expect.”

“She just looked so helpless. So meek and mild. But when it came to putting me in my place…”

“Didn’t hold back, huh?”

“Not one bit. She laid into me. It’s funny now that I look back on it; this tiny little mouse looking up at me with homicide in her eyes. I would have laughed at the time, but it shocked me; I wasn’t used to someone standing up for themselves. It was…”

“Refreshing?”

He nods. “I don’t regret it. How things started between us. Probably wasn’t the right time and definitely wasn’t the right place; a dirty hotel room in Dhaka doesn’t exactly scream romance. But nothing that felt that good could have been wrong.”

“I like to think two paths are destined to cross. And in your case, a lot of things had to take place for Esme to show up on your doorstep. On both sides of the coin. She had to leave Mark and make a new life for herself, your son had to pass away and your marriage had to go belly up. And you both had to choose the same career. What’s the chances of that? That you’d both decide to go in that direction?”

“Wasn’t much more I COULD do. Being a soldier was all I knew. But when you end up such a mess you earn yourself an honourable discharge…”

Shaena glances up from the draining of the wound. “I never knew that. That you were kicked out of the military.”

“SASR showed me the door. I was too problematic. But I’d also been too valuable for them to make it ugly. I’d served in a lot of tours, carried a lot of guys out of hot spots. Totally fucked up my body in the process. And then Austin died and I started drinking more than usual and got in a little too deep with pain meds. Just over the counter stuff, mind you. But I was enough of a wreck that I became a ‘blemish’ on their storied reputation.”

“So you lost your son, your wife, and your career.”

“In less than a year. Everything just fell apart. I didn’t have any other skills, really. I started working construction at first; something to keep my body moving and my brain from driving me crazy. But I had a temper issue and..”

She smirks. “You? A temper? Why I never.”

“It was a lot worse than it is now. I had no self control. I’d beat on a guy and not know when to stop. I WOULDN’T stop; not until someone pulled me off him. Even did a couple stints in jail; assault and battery, public intoxication. So once again, I was too much of a problem to have around. Couple months after that, I was in a bar in Fitzroy Crossing; heard an old man talking about his son being a merc and the money he was bringing in. Figured it sounded like something I could do. Easily. So I gave him my name and number and asked him to pass it along to whoever was in charge of hiring for shit like that. Nik called four days later. Wanted to meet. See if I had what it took. If I had the stomach to pull the trigger for money. And if I could survive. Got my first job two days after that.”

“And as they say, the rest is history.”

“Fifteen years later, I’m still a merc. Never thought I’d hold out this long. Thought I’d be long dead. I wasn’t exactly planning on sticking around, you know? Thought I’d get into the job and maybe last a year and then fuck up and that would be it. Someone would take me out. But…” Shrugging, he reaches for the mug of coffee and takes a swig. “...here I am.”

“Why did you hold out? This long?”

“Luck at first, I guess. I never managed to catch a bullet. And then I met Esme and suddenly I had a reason to keep going. I had someone that loved me; someone that didn’t see me as human garbage. That knew all of my deep and dirty secrets and didn’t hate me because of them. And then we found out about Millie and decided to try our hands at living together and then we got married. Now we’re thirteen years into things. I think it’s pretty safe to say I’m not going anywhere. I’m happy where I am.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“There’s still days. Where I’m not sure I want to keep going. Mostly when everything in my brain is too loud or my body is just too damn sore. Where I worry about becoming a burden to her and think maybe I should just end things so that never happens.”

“That’s the last thing she’d want. Not just you doing something like that. But you think you’re a burden. She doesn’t see you that way. She never has. Even when things were at their worst. It wasn’t a good time. Those two and a half years after…”

“Nathan. Only person who has ever broken me. In every way possible.”

“I wouldn’t say that. You’re still here. You’re still on this side of the ground. Still breathing. You didn’t give him what he wanted.”

“That was a hard time. Afterwards. Not just being in the hospital for so long. But everything that came after it. The surgeries and the complications and all of the physical therapy. Trying to get myself back to even being half the man I was. And she never made me feel like it was too much. Like I was too much.”

“That’s love. That’s loving someone with every inch and ounce of your body and soul.”

“Still blows my mind. When I think about it now. How she just totally stepped up and took care of me. I know it wasn’t easy for her; having the kids to worry about and the twins being in her belly. But she never complained. Never lost her patience. Never made me feel like I was too much for her handle. I told her to leave, you know. Gave her the option. When I was diagnosed with the mental stuff. I didn’t want to put that on her. Being that fucked in the head. Worrying about whether or not I’d snap one day and hurt her. I’d never forgive myself if that happened.”

“And what did she say? When you told her she could leave?”

“Told me to ‘get fucked’, basically. Said she wasn’t going anywhere. That leaving wasn’t even an option.”

“Would you? Leave? If it was her.”

“No. Never. Wouldn’t matter what it was. I wouldn’t even think about taking off.”

“You know, it’s amazing. You think you know everything about someone and then something comes up…”

“There’s a lot you don’t know. About me. Things that only my wife knows about. Stuff I’m not very proud of. But she’s always been the one I tell everything to. Always has been. I’ve always known that I could trust her. And she’s never once made me regret that.”

“She’s good people. We all loved her on the ward. She was always so bright and cheerful; despite everything she was dealing with. And always so appreciative; always having coffee and desserts or even meals brought to the desk for all of us. Just so thankful for how we were taking care of you. There was a big turn around in you; a few days after you got sent from Bangladesh. As soon as those little ones started coming around, it’s like a light switch turned on inside of you; you were so determined to do whatever it took to get the hell out there.”

“They were all so little then. Millie was only six. Now she’s a year and a half away from being a teenager.”

“Almost twelve going on twenty two,” Shaena laughs. “And the boys have all gotten so big. TJ is a giant. And so mature sometimes. It’s easy to forget he’s not even eleven yet.”

“He’s a little too mature. Takes on way too much. FEELS way too much. I worry about him; how things around him affect him. And he thinks he needs to step up and deal with adult problems. He told me he was worried that he couldn’t take care of me properly. Not like his mum does.”

“He said that?”

“Yeah…” He swallows noisily; desperate to rid himself of both the lump of emotion sitting square in his throat and the tears that prick at his eyes. “Sorry. I don’t mean to…”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. You’re hurting. Way more than anyone could ever imagine. You’re a man that desperately loves his wife. Don’t ever apologize for that. It’s a beautiful thing; a man that’s so big and so strong, loving and feeling as hard and as deep as you do.”

“You know, normally I’d get pissed that you even used that word. Beautiful.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a man that has a soft side. It’s not expected with someone like you. I’m sure a lot of people think you’re supposed to be a hard ass twenty-four-seven.”

“I used to think that. That I had to be that way. Esme brought it back out. The human side of me. She showed that it wasn’t dead; it was just buried and it needed to be dragged back to the surface. And once Millie was born and we found out about the boys, I realized I didn’t want my kids ending up like me. I didn’t want them having a parent that was emotionally absent. I wanted them to grow up and brag about their dad; that he was always there for them and he let them be themselves and let them rant and rave and cry when they needed to.”

“You’re both doing a great job with those kids. I know a lot of parents think they’re screwing up in some way. And I know sometimes you question it; how you’re doing with your parenting considering what a nightmare you lived with. But you’re doing amazing, Tyler. Esme brags about you all the time. To anyone who will listen. About how awesome you are with those kids and how much they adore you. Trust me; you’re doing just fine.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, my wife is a little biassed.”

“She’s just telling the truth. About the man she loves. Don’t ever doubt how you’re bringing those kids up. You and Esme are doing just fine. And the fact they get to see a mum and dad that love each other? Respect each other? That’s huge.”

Sniffling noisily, he wipes his eyes on his shoulders. “I’m a weak ass bitch. The bad guys could get me to break so easily; talking about my kids like that.”

“You’re not weak. You’re human. And you’re going through a lot.”

“I miss her. I miss everything about her. And all I can think about is what will happen if I can’t get her home. What if I never find her? What if I never see her again? What would I tell my kids? How do I tell them that their mum is never coming back?”

“You don’t have to worry about those things. Because you ARE going to find and you ARE going to bring her home.”

“I know what it’s like; growing up without a mum. And I don’t want my kids going through that. Having to live their lives without her. She’s been their one constant; always here to take care of them and hold shit together while I was out fighting bad guys. It would destroy them; losing her. And I don’t think I could survive it either.”

“I won’t be one of those people that tell you that things would be fine; that you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. That you’d simply keep it together and do what you had to for the kids. That’s not reality. That doesn’t address the real issues; the grief and the loneliness and the heartache. This is someone you’ve spent over a decade with. You’ve made seven children together. Created this amazing existence. And I don’t think it does you or Esme…or how much you love one another…to simply expect you to just go on with your life.”

“I feel like I failed her. I promised her…the day we got married…that I would protect her. From anyone and anything. Until I die. And the second I leave her alone and I turn my back…”

“None of what happened was your fault, Tyler. They preyed on you. On BOTH of you. They knew they had to get you away from Esme and they knew they had to take you down quickly. Not to mention they knew all your trouble spots and went for them right away. You didn’t stand a chance.”

“If I hadn’t left her alone…”

“The outcome would have been the same. They still would have blind sided and they still would have taken you out. And she probably would have gotten hurt in the process. Esme would have fought tooth and nail to try and stop them. I’m pretty sure the outcome would have been a lot worse HAD she been outside. You know she wouldn’t have just been able to stand there while went down.”

“I keep thinking about it. Going through every step I made. Looking for a place I fucked up. Everything I did, I did keep her safe. I wasn’t expecting that. I thought it was animals. Getting into things and making a mess. There’s no way I ever could have seen that coming. Yet my brain tells me I SHOULD have; I knew Mark was out there and I knew he was trying to get close to her.”

“You still did nothing wrong. Leaving her in the cabin was the most logical thing to do. There was no reason to take her with you. Please stop beating yourself up over this. You did what you thought was best. There was no way to know what was going to happen. Don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t have stopped it. They were too determined.”

“It killed me to tell her to calm down. To stop fighting. But I knew if I didn’t, they’d do some damage. Probably make me watch them kill her and then take me out. I couldn’t risk it.”

“I would have done the same thing. Had I been in your shoes.”

“And to hear her crying and screaming and…” He inhales a deep, quivering breath. “...I’m rambling. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be bothering you with this. You’ve done a lot. Helping with the kids and taking care of me.``

“You’re not rambling. And there’s nothing to be sorry for. You love your wife. You’re worried you’re never going to see her again. You’re a man with a lot going on inside his head. It’s better you get it out. Don’t bottle it up. That’ll just make things a lot worse.”

Noisily clearing his throat, he uses his good hand to raise the bottom of his t-shirt to his face, effectively clearing away the traces of tears that linger on his cheeks. And he pauses in the midst of reaching for his coffee cup when he catches movement out of the corner of his eye; Brookie lingering in the doorway that leads into the kitchen.

“What’cha doing, sweet pea?”

“I’m just hanging out.” She shoves messy dirty blond hair out of her eyes. “Just watching.”

“You keeping your distance because it’s gross or…?”

“Mumma always says not to interrupt. Not to just walk in. That we should always wait to be invited.”

“Well you’re invited.”

The four year old scampers out onto the deck, standing at the side of the table and observing as Shaena uses a second empty syringe to suck out the remaining infection. Her fascination now paired with slight worry as brilliant blue eyes survey the collection of medical supplies laid out on the table.

“Auntie Shae, what are you doing to daddy’s hand?”

“Cleaning it out.”

“How come?”

“It got infected. Some dirt must have gotten in it. So all the yucky stuff needs to be sucked out and then I have to flush it out to make sure I got it all. Want to help? Get up there on your dad’s lap; you can be my assistant. And you can keep him nice and calm. And brave. Okay?”

“Daddy’s always brave. Always. Even when he’s sad. And scared. Mumma said that’s when he is the bravest. And the toughest. ‘Cause it takes a lot to do things when you’re sad and scared. But daddy always gets them done. Even if they’re really hard.”

Wrapping an arm around his daughter’s waist, Tyler scoops her up and places her on his lap; lips meeting her temple as she leans back against him.

“I had an infection once,” Brookie says. “In my palm. I got a sliver in it and I never told anyone. I thought I could get it out myself, but it just went deeper into me. I didn’t think it would be a big deal and then eventually it would just go away on its own. Do you remember that, daddy? When I got that big sliver? When we went for a hike and you let us climb trees?”

“I remember.”

“Then I got up one morning and my palm was really sore,” she continues, using both hands to keep his one still. “And it was really red and swollen. I didn’t want mumma to freak out, so I woke daddy up instead. He’s more calm than mum. When we get busted up and stuff. Mumma loses it. She hates when we get hurt. It makes her sad.”

“Well your mum is a very sensitive person. What happened next? After you woke your dad up?”

“He got a needle and he poked at my hand and all this gross stuff came out. Just like that!” She nods down at the pus slowly filling the syringe. “So nasty! Daddy made sure he got it all. Then he put some medicine on it and wrapped my hand up and gave it a kiss and a couple days it was all better.”

“I think it was the kiss that did it. Healed it all up.”

“It definitely was. Mummy and daddy’s kisses can fix any ouchies. Even the ones we feel inside. Those ones hurt the worst, you know.”

“I do know. Unfortunately.”

“Tomorrow we’re going to see the horses. Daddy said he’d take me. Going to see the horses always cheers me up. And we haven’t seen them yet this week because of everything that’s been going on. They probably miss us. And wonder where we are.”

“You like horses, huh?”

“I LOVE horses. They’re my favourite. I even have my own. That’s how much I love them.”

“I always forget her name. What’s her name again?”

“Pumpkin-Lumpkin. But we just call her Pumpkin for short. Daddy’s horse…Bodhi…that’s Pumpkin’s daddy. Did you know that?”

“I think your mum might have mentioned that.”

“This one time, before I had my own horse, daddy and I were at a horseshow with Bodhi and this lady came up to us and told daddy she wanted her girl horse to have babies with Bodhi. ‘Cause Bodhi is super handsome. All the girl horses like him. Daddy said yes, but only if we got to have the first baby. And that’s how we got Pumpkin. She’s a nice horse; she’s cute and sassy and funny but really gentle at the same time. She looks A LOT like her dad. Like most of us look like our dad.”

“You look like your mum.”

“Except I got daddy’s hair and eyes and his skin tone. And I’m tall and skinny. Mummy’s not fat or anything, but she’s really small. That’s why Addie’s so tiny. Because she’s just like mum. The rest of us are like daddy. We even have his weird, big feet and his elf ears.”

“I do NOT have elf ears.”

“You do, dad. We all have them. Even Addie. Mumma said that her genes never stood a chance. Daddy’s were just way too strong. TJ and Millie look just like him though. And TJ is always bragging that he got dad’s butt. That all the girls like it. What do you think, Auntie Shae? Do you think my dad has a nice butt?”

“I’ve never paid attention to it.”

“‘Cause you’re scared mum will see you do it and beat you up? Mum would be alright with it. If you looked at his bum. Because you like girls. Not boys. So mum doesn’t have to worry about you stealing daddy away. I think she’d seriously hurt someone. If they even tried.”

“No one is going to steal me away. I’m perfectly happy where I am. With your mum. And all you kids. Even if you do talk too much.”

“Mum would seriously punch someone in the face if they tried to take you. She gets so mad! At those stupid ladies at the soccer park. I don’t blame her. I don’t like them either. Stop looking at my dad like that! He’s taken. He’s married to mumma. And it’s just plain gross. Looking at MY dad like that.”

“Gross? What’s so gross about it?”

“You’re my dad. That’s just gross. Knowing girls like you. In THAT way.”

“You know your mum like me. In THAT way.”

“That’s different. That’s mummy. She’s your wife. She gave you tons of kids. She loves you and you love her. So she’s allowed to like you in THAT way. But those ladies at the soccer park? Sometimes I wish mummy would just smack ‘em out. Teach ‘em a lesson.”

“Violence is never the answer.”

“Until it is. You’re the one who said that. You’re the one who told us that, remember?”

“I really have to watch what I say around you guys.”

“Especially when it’s the swears. You swear a lot. Especially in the car. When people don’t drive fast enough or use their blinker. And when guys hit on mum. You don’t like that very much.”

“What’s going on?” Addie, fresh from an afternoon nap and still clad in her Little Mermaid bathing suit, pokes her outside. “ Can I come out too?”

He nods, then moves Brookie onto one of his thighs in order to give her sister a place to sit. It wouldn’t end well; sharing daddy’s lap is an absolute necessity when you have two little girls demanding his attention at the same time.

“What are you doing, Brookie?” Addie inquires. “How come you’re holding daddy’s hand like that?”

“I’m helping. It has to be cleaned.”

“Why’s it need cleaned?”

“It got infected. Like my hand did that one time. When I had the sliver and daddy had to pull it out and patch me up. Auntie Shae had to poke a needle in his and suck the gross stuff out! Then she’s going to clean it. Make sure no yucky stuff is left.”

“Is it sore, daddy?” Addie gently pokes at the injured appendage. “ It looks sore. It’s all bruised and stuff. All purple. Mumma’s not gonna like it when she sees it. She hates when you get hurt. It makes her sad. We always try to tell her that it’s okay. You’re big and tough and you can take it.”

“Mumma is going to be pissed,” Brookie declares. “When she sees what the bad guys did to daddy. She’s gonna wanna fight ‘em.”

“I hope she does! I hope she pulls their hair and bites them and punches them in the nose and kicks them in the nuts!”

Tyler scowls. “Addie…”

“Sorry.” She gives a sheepish, apologetic smile and then corrects herself. “Balls. Kicks them in the balls.”

Giving a small chuckle, he presses a kiss to her cheek, then Brookie’s. Even in those rare moments when he’d allowed himself to daydream about becoming a dad again, he never imagined having girls. The thoughts of rough housing and contact sports easily overriding those of painting nails and fixing hair and playing Barbies. He’d never envisioned him having daughters; pretty little princesses in frilly dresses and bedrooms all done up in pink. And then Millie came along and his outlook on having girls changed; he became familiar with the bows in the hair and the tiny earrings on impossibly small lobes and the socks with frills around the ankles. She and Brookie making themselves known as ‘tomboys’ fairly early; mixing their love of glitter and sparkles with action figures and camouflage and superheroes. Addie however is the softness that he didn’t realize he so desperately needed in his life ; a pint sized diva that loves her manis and pedis and princess dresses and tea parties. Extremely sensitive and much needier than her sisters; craving her time with mummy and daddy and always wanting as much love and snuggles as possible.

“Look Addie….look…” Brookie nods at the used syringe sitting on the table. “...that’s what came out of daddy’s hand! Look how much there is!”

“Why is it yellow?”

“It’s infection. Pus. Cool, yeah?”’

“It’s gross. Reminds me of custard. I HATE custard.”

“Mmm…custard..” Brookie heaves a dreamy sigh. “When mumma gets home, I’m going to ask her to make those custard tarts. You know the ones she puts banana or strawberry slices on top of? I LOVE those.”

“I’m going to ask her to make caramel and pecan cheesecake. That’s my favourite dessert she makes. I mean, I love them all. But not like caramel and pecan cheesecake. What are you going to ask for, daddy?” He has to gather himself in order to answer; the girls’ optimism overwhelming while such a dark and dreary cloud hangs over his head. The more minutes that pass without a second phone call from K, the more his optimism begins to wan; filling him with terror and absolute dread and the worry that something horrible has happened. It’s a painful and agonizing wait, and he’s been trying to keep himself occupied; filling the time with moments with the kids. A difficult feat in itself; most caught up in their own heartbreak.

“I know what dad’s going to ask for.” TJ appears at the bottom of the steps leading up to the deck; leaning his surfboard against the railing and then shaking out his wet hair. Reminiscent of a dog emerging from a bath or a romp in the lake; his little sisters squealing when the drops land on their hair and clothes. “Pie. Poontang pie, to be exact.”

His father’s eyes narrow. “Tyler James…”

“They don’t know what it is, dad. They’re just little.”

“But I know what it is. So does your aunt. And these two are little sponges and now one of them is going to ask…”

“What kind of pie is that?” Addie inquires. “What’s it taste like? Is it sweet? Sour? Is it a fruit pie? Fruit pies are my fave. Mummy’s strawberry rhubarb pie…” She sighs dreamily. “...oh my goodness.”

Sighing, Tyler stares pointedly at his oldest son.

“I’ve never heard of that kind of pie before,” Brookie declares. “And I love pie!”

“You love food,” her sister points out. “Not just pie.”

“Food is life! But what kind of pie is it, TJ? Is it good?”

“Dad thinks so. He thinks it’s really good, actually.”

But what does it TASTE like? Fruit? Chocolate? What?”

“Whatever mum eats that day, I guess.”

Confused, Addie tilts her head to the side; watching him through narrowed eyes.

“Ads, I think it’s a code word for something,” Brookie pipes up. “Something adult. That just mummies and daddies do.”

“So it’s not real? There’s no pie named that?”

“I don’t think so. Sorry.”

“Well that sucks,” Addie pouts. “I was hoping we discovered a new dessert. And that we get to eat some. I hope mumma comes back soon; I miss her desserts.”

“I miss her period,” Brookie laments. “I miss doing stuff with her. I miss snuggling on the couch. Before bed.”

“Me too. But she’s going to come home, right? You promised she would!”

“Of course she’s going to go home. Daddy’s going to make sure of it. Right, dad?”

He nods; once more fighting back tears.

“We had a killer surf,” TJ says, breaking the sadness and tension. “The water was awesome And you should have seen the barrel Alannah caught! Like she’s been doing it forever! You know how long it took me to get my first barrel? FOREVER.”

He can’t help but smile; in possession of a lifetime of memories made in just six short years. All the hard work; the blood, sweat and tears devoted to turning a once humble dwelling into their dream home. Managing, a lot of times with their own hands, to carve out a slice of paradise; presented with an empty canvas consisting of a generous piece of land with a phenomenal view of the ocean. He’d ‘graduated’ from being a full time, right in the trenches soldier for hire; starting his own mercenary business and then watching as it exploded in popularity. His reputation and his near death experiences preceding him; helping him secure high profile clients and sending the best mercs -even those long retired- scrambling to work for him. The creation of Esme’s bookstore; helping in bringing her childhood dream to life and then watching -with the utmost pride and admiration and adoration- as she became an instant hit; well loved by both locals and tourists alike.

But nothing pulls at the heart quite like the changes in his family itself; the addition of Addie and the twins and being able to share the place of his birth with those he loves. His marriage flourishing; far away from the prying eyes and loose mouths and dark, empty souls of the people who tried so desperately to tear everything apart. seeing his children grow and thrive in his homeland; feeling pride in their continued wide eyed exuberance and intense love and wonder for their surroundings. And witnessing them indulge -with fierce determination and passionate, wide eyed amazement- in his favourite hobbies; the perfect mix of fearless and beautiful, artistic and compassionate, intelligent and precocious.

And far more than he feels he deserves.

“I will remember that moment until the day I die,” he tells his name sake. “ That’s a huge milestone; catching your first barrel. And Alannah is older than when you did it; you were only eight. That’s pretty young.”

“I was born to surf, dad. It was inevitable. I look like you, I talk like you, I act like you. ‘Course I’m going to be a bitchin’ surfer too. You’ll have to watch the video Grandpa Koen took of Alannah. It’s pretty cool.”

“You guys have been spending a lot of time together. Since Millie locked herself away from everyone. Is there something I need to worry about or…”

“Just friends!” TJ quickly interjects; a vivid and undeniable blush creeping into his cheeks and slowly spreading to the tips of his ears. “That’s it! We’re just friends! And that’s all it’s ever gonna be!”

Tyler smirks. “Are you trying to convince yourself or me?”

“I swear to God, we’re just friends! I mean, I’m sure she wants to be more than that, but I don’t. I don’t have time for girls. I’ve got lacrosse and rugby and surfing. And hockey’s going to be starting soon. When would I fit a girlfriend in?”

“Not any time soon, I hope. Because you’re not eleven yet. And that’s a little young. Your mum finds out there’s something going on…”

“There’s nothing going on. I’m a kid still! Yeah, she tries to kiss me and hold my hand and stuff. But I’m not interested!”

“You sure about that? Because I remember saying those exact same things and…”

“I am nowhere near interested in girls! I’ve got my whole life ahead of me. I’ve got a lot of shit to do. I don’t need some woman keeping me back!”

“You’re going to change your mind, trust me. I thought I was going to be a bachelor until my dying day, but…”

“That’s different. You met mum. How many girls out there are like her? I mean, look what she did; staying behind on the bridge and saving your life. If I don’t meet someone with that kind of balls and devotion, I’m staying single forever.”

“Your mum’s definitely a breed all her own. I hadn’t met anyone like her before, that’s for sure.”

“That’s what I want. Someone that into me. If they’re not?” TJ shrugs, then tugs on Addie’s pigtails. “I’ll just play the field forever. Weren’t you a man hoe? Before you met mum?”

“Where do you hear this stuff?”

“I’ve got ears. People talk. Face it, dad. You got lucky. Extremely lucky. Not everyone finds someone like mum.”

“And what about her? She didn’t get lucky?”

“She did alright, I guess.” TJ teases, and then ruffles his father’s hair. Chuckling when he sidesteps a soft, playful slap to the back of his head and then rushing off to join Declan and Takota on the trampoline. Scrambling through the safety netting and then repeatedly bouncing; gaining more and more height before his final jump sends a hysterically laughing Kota flying into the air.

“It’s a good sound,” Shaena smiles. “Hearing them laugh. Gives us some hope, yeah?”

Tyler nods. Knowing full well that hope is the only thing keeping him going.

******

He finds himself unable to sleep; his mind racing a mile a minute and the bed impossibly crowded with three quarters of the kids shoved into it. All insisting on lying as close to him as possible; little bodies pressed into his sides and Declan sprawled across his feet and TJ spread across the top of the king sized mattress. He somehow manages to escape; peeling off tiny arms and removing slumbering heads from his stomach and chest and then slipping out of bed. Retreating downstairs to watch television at minimum volume; sipping a glass of scotch on the rocks and absentmindedly picking at the stitches that hold the wound on the side of his head together. And it’s nearly one in the morning when he’s joined by Millie; her eyes filled with both sleep and tears as she complained of a stomach ache. Her dirty blond hair wild and messy and her long, lean body clad in a pair of plaid pyjama bottoms and t-shirt of her mother’s; her beloved stuffed sheep Sunny tucked tightly under her arm. It had been a little gift he’d purchased for her many years ago; a new ‘baby’ she’d seen during their first trip into town after Nathan had nearly ended his life. And when he invites his daughter to sit with him she And she snuggled tightly into his side; asking him to place his warm hand on her stomach. He’d spent many nights when she was a little girl taking care of her in that exact fashion; when he’d return from a job and the stress and anxiety of seeing him hurt and beat up had been too much for her bear.

Comforted by his touch, she manages to fall asleep; stretched out along the couch with her head on his thigh. He continues to soothe her even after her eyes close and her breathing evens out; his hand resting on the top of her head and his thumb continuously sweeping over her hair. And he finds himself dozing off as well; exhausted from his body’s continuous fight against pain and his brain’s relentless attempts at torturing him. Work wise; everything had gone according to plan; those that had been called into help and others who had volunteered arriving in Australia and spending the better part of the evening checking in via text or call. Tomorrow will be busier; the trip to see the horses with Brookie followed by a team meeting once returning home.

His cell rings; startling him awake. And he grimaces at the pain that radiates across his lower back when he leans forward to snatch it from its resting place on the cluttered coffee table.

“Yeah?”

“Tyler?”

The sound of her voice renders him speechless; stomach clenching as that punishing, impossible weight once more returns to his chest. The full reality of the situation hitting him at all once; her absence and the enormous void it leaves in his life, the profound worry of the treatment she may be being subjected to, and the worry that he’ll never see her again. And for a moment he can’t speak; a fist of emotion closing around his throat.

“Tyler?” Her voice is soft. Concerned. Exhausted. But there’s a hint of brightness that wasn’t there the day before; perhaps feeling the return of even the slightest bit of optimism. “Are you…?”

“I’m here. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you. Just took me by surprise is all.”

“A pleasant surprise, I hope.”

“Always.”

“I can talk for a bit longer tonight. Everyone has gone into Fitzroy Crossing for supplies. It’s just K and I. Well there’s one other guy, but he’s drunk and passed out. He has no clue what’s going on. We were going to try to sneak out and make our way to a safe place to spend the night, but the weather’s bad here. We wouldn’t make it very far.”

“How far away are you? From Fitzroy Crossing? Did anyone mention how long it would take to get there? Did they drive? Fly? What…?”

“They drove. And it’s far enough that they have to spend the night and drive back first thing in the morning. I’m not sure exactly where we are. I just know somewhere in the Northern Territory. And you know how big it is and how far everything is spaced apart and…” Her voice cracks. “I’m sorry I don’t know. I wish I did.”

“Don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t cry. There’s nothing to cry about. I just thought if maybe you knew just a little more…”

“I don’t know where I am. How far away I am from anything. And it’s just frustrating and scary and I just want to come home. I just want to be with you. And the kids. That’s all I want. I just want to come home.”

Tears prick at his eyes. “That’s all I want, too. You here. There’s nothing I want more than that.”

“Are you okay? And be honest. I don’t need you sugar coating things for my sake. Tell me the truth. Are you alright?”

“No, babe. I’m not. I’m so far from being alright.”

“Please take care of yourself. Don’t run yourself into the ground, okay? Make sure you’re eating properly and drinking enough water and getting enough sleep and…”

“I’m a grown man, Me. I know how to do all that.”

“I know. But I also know that when you get like this…when you’re stressed and you’re anxious..you tend to forget about yourself. You hyperfixate on things. You can’t keep going like that, Tyler. You just can’t. If you take care of yourself and take your meds, you won’t be able to come and find me. And you’d never forgive yourself. You’d spend the rest of your life wondering where I am and hating yourself for not being able to bring me home.”

“It’s hard,” he admits. “So fucking hard. How can I take care of myself when all I can think about is you? When all I can concentrate on is finding you and bringing you home? How do I worry about myself when my whole world is falling apart? All I want is to get to you. Get you out of there. Away from those people and back home where you belong. How can…?”

“Tyler, listen to me. Please. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be of any use to me. Or our kids. And right now? They need you the most. They need their dad to be healthy and strong and to make them feel safe and secure. Their worlds are falling apart, too. Losing one parent would be bad enough. What would happen to them to lose BOTH?”

“I’d never let that happen. I’d never get to that point. And I’m trying, Me. I am. I’m trying so fucking hard. But when the one person that keeps you together on your worst days isn’t around? It’s hard. It’s really fucking hard.”

“You’re a strong person, Tae. The strongest person I’ve ever known. And I’m not just talking about the things you do. When it comes to the job. I’m talking about everything you’ve been through. Since the time you were just a little boy, so many things tried to destroy you. All of that stuff? Your mom dying, everything your dad put you through, everything you saw and heard and had to do while you were in the military. Austin. You’ve gone through all that and you’re still standing. You still get out of bed every morning and you fight through what’s ever going on inside of you and you give me and the kids so much love. A weaker man would have buckled a long time ago. You just keep going.”

“Because I have you. Because you’re the one that makes me strong. You’re the one that keeps me going, Esme. Especially on those days I just want to call it quits. You’ve never given up on me. Not even when I’ve wanted to give up on myself.”

“It’s because I love you. And because I believe in you. I know how strong you are. I see it every day. And maybe I play a little part, but most of it comes from you. You’ve got all this courage and this strength inside of you. You just needed someone to bring it to the surface, that’s all.”

“I get up every morning and put one foot in front of another because you need me to. So do my kids. . If I was to just give up…”

“And that is what makes you strong, Tyler. Being able to put everything aside and fight through all the bullshit because other people need you to. Don’t you realize how selfless that is? The fact you can fight through anything just for us? Just to give us a great life? That’s bravery, babe. That’s strength.”

“How do you always manage that?”

“Manage what?”

“Getting the last word. You’re the only one who’s ever been able to do that. You always have something profound to say that just shuts me right up.”

“I guess it’s just a gift,” she chides. “And it’s not particularly profound or deep. It’s just the truth. I know you, Tyler. Better than you know yourself. But I also know how to shut down those voices. Those ones inside your head that say horrible, untrue things about you. That try to convince you that you’re weak and helpless. You’re none of those things. You never have been.”

“I just feel so…lost. Stuck, even. Like I don’t know what to do or how to do it. And that’s not like me. I’ve always got a plan, you know. When it comes to handling things. I’m always able to sit down and hammer something out and then get it done. But this? I don’t know what to do, Me. I don’t know how to help you. I don’t even know where to start. I don’t even know where you ARE.”

“This isn’t a normal situation,” she reasons. “When have we ever been through something like this?”

“With you on the receiving end? Never.”

“I know it feels like it’s been forever. Since things happened. But it’s only been three days. Things are stable right now. Everything is under control here. K is keeping an eye on me and he won’t let anyone try anything funny. No one is getting remotely close to me.”

“No one’s touched you? Not even in the smallest way? They haven’t…you know…done things to you?” Fuck, it hurts to even think about; another man’s hands on her body as she’s violated in every way possible. And it both nauseates him and fuels the lingering, pent up rage; horrible and violent thoughts of the things he’ll do if she was touched in THAT way.

No. Nothing like that’s happened. For the most part, they ignore me. I mean, there’s a snide comment here and there when they bring me food. But nothing I haven’t heard before. I’ve been called way worse by way better, that’s for sure.”

“You’re taking care of yourself? The best you can? You’re eating and getting some rest and…?”

“I’m doing whatever I have to do. To stay healthy. Especially for the baby. And once I get those meds…”

“K and I are going to arrange something. Meet at the shack. So he can get everything to you. Yaz is going to put a tracker; on the bottom of one of the bottles. Small enough no one will notice. He’ll activate as soon as K leaves and heads back to whatever you. He has five days. That’s it. If he doesn’t act before then, we come and get you.”

“That’ll get ugly. A whole bunch of people showing up here. Armed. That’ll be a disaster and you know it.”

“What other choice do I have, Me? I can’t let it go for too long. More days that pass, the higher the chance they’ll find a way to get you out of the country. And if they do that…”

“They won’t try and move me. Not for a while. They know that every way out of Australia is being watched. Especially up here.”

“I can’t give it too long. I can’t. If K can’t get you out of there in five days, then I’m coming for you. And if it gets ugly…”

“I just don’t want anything happening to you. These people will fight back. And they’ll fight back hard and they’ll fight ugly. Look what they did. In Tasmania. Look how dirty they played. These people are ruthless, Tae. They’re ruthless and they’re violent and I’m worried about what they’ll do. They were supposed to kill you, you know.”

“I know. K told me.”

“He couldn’t go through with it. If it had been anyone else BUT you…”

“Guess this is the one time that it’s a good thing my reputation precedes me.”

“And once Mark finds out you’re alive? That K didn’t do what he was told? Who knows how he’s going to react.”

“Is he there?”

“Not yet. He’s arriving sometime tomorrow. I’m scared, Tyler.” The tears finally come. “I’m so scared. Of him.”

He hates the sound of her voice; the desperation and the pleading and the frequent gulps of breath that interrupt her words. It’s very seldom she gets that worked up; normally able to keep some shred of composure and strength during even the most stressful and fearful of times. And he feels so helpless; wanting nothing more than to be able to comfort her. And seek and enact revenge on her behalf. “Esme, if there’s any way you can find out more about where you are…even if you can get me close to there…”

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t even get to see the outside. When I get taken out for fresh air, I have to wear a blindfold. All I know is that we’re in the Northern Territory. That’s it. And it’s vast and it’s empty and I have no clue what I’m close to. If I’m close to anything at all.”

“Calm down, Me. Just take a breath. Try and take it easy.” He knows he should be following his own advice; his heart pounding in his chest and his stomach in knots as the rage and the fear and the worry begin to increase in intensity. The thought of her -completely vulnerable and at their mercy- is too much for him to bear; the intrusive and vile thoughts nagging at him with renewed ferocity.

“I don’t know where I am.” She sobs. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if I’m ever going to see you again. If I’m ever going to see my kids. I just want to come home.”

“Please just try and stay calm. If you just let me use that chip that Yaz is going to put on that bottle…”

“I’m too scared. I don’t want you coming here. There’s too many of them. I don’t want anything happening to you.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me. What they’ve already done? That’s as far as they’re going to get. Just say it, Esme. Just tell me to get Yaz to turn on that chip right away and I will come and get you. I will follow K back to you if I have to. Just give me the go ahead and…”

“I can’t. I can’t risk things getting worse. I can’t take the chance that it will become an all out firefight. I can’t do that. I can’t risk something happening to you. Because if I don’t get back and you don’t get back, then what? What happens then? What happens to our kids?”

“Nothing that bad is going to happen. You need to trust me. You’ve trusted me with way more complicated and scary things. Remember Dhaka?”

“I won’t ever be able to forget that place.”

“You trusted me, yeah? Before you ever even really knew me. And now it’s almost thirteen years later, babe. Look at everything that’s happened in that time. Everything we’ve been through, how far we’ve come. We’re so much stronger now, Me. Every part of us. If you trusted me then…”

“I do trust you, Tyler. I’m just scared. There’s so many of them. And apparently there’s more just waiting in the wings if they’re needed. I can’t bring you into something like that. I just can’t. Because that would be like luring you here and then something would happen and I’d never forgive myself. It’s better if we wait. Until K can get me out of here.”

“I’m worried you’re not going to make it that long. At least not mentally.”

“I’ll be okay,” she promises, and there’s a slight rustling as she wipes the tears from her face. “I’m just having a hard time. I miss you. So much.”

“I miss you, too. And the sooner I can get you home…”

“It’s better if we wait,” she reinforces. “I’ll be alright. I’m just sad and tired and scared about seeing Mark. I thought I was past that. Being scared of him. I thought I got over that years ago. I worked so hard at it. WE worked so hard at it.”

“I should have told you. About him still alive. I should…”

“No. You did the right thing. We were going through so much as it was. The aftermath of Nathan, being pregnant with the twins. We were dealing with enough. We didn’t need that on top of it. I’m just worried, you know? What if all that work was for nothing? You spent so long trying to help me. You spent years trying to get me past all of that. What if it was for nothing?”

“Then I do it all over again. And it will never be nothing. All that time I spent…We spent…dealing with that stuff? It will always be worth it. Even if I have to do the same thing a million goddamn times. And you know why? Because I love you. More than I ever thought I could love someone. And YOU? You will never be for nothing.”

“I love you, Tyler. So much. I’m sorry. That I’m putting you through this. I’m sorry that…”

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. You know who IS going to be sorry, though? Mark and everyone that’s helping him. I’m going to make sure he doesn’t come back. . There won’t be any resurrections. Not this time. I’ll make them pay, Esme. As brutally and as viciously as bloodily as I can.”

“I normally don’t condone or support revenge, but…”

“When I say there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, I mean it. I don’t care how much blood I have to spill. I don’t care how many bodies pile up. This is the worst thing anyone could have done. You’re off limits. You and my kids. And they’re all going to find that out the hard way.”

“Just take care of yourself until then, okay? Just heal and be healthy. Sleep. Eat. Don’t run yourself into the ground. Because then you won’t be good to anyone. And it’s not just me that needs you. Our kids need you too. They need their daddy.”

“And that’s why I haven’t gone off the deep end. Why I’m still holding it together. Somehow. Because of them. And that little bean you’ve got inside of you.”

“He’s moving a lot now. Nothing concerning. Just normal stuff. But he likes to make his presence known.”

“You’re calling him a ‘he’ now too, are ya?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s a boy. Too many similarities with this pregnancy and the others. The boys always like to cause trouble. They get that from their father.”

“Come on now, we all know it’s you that’s the troublemaker. You walked into my life thirteen years ago and you turned it right upside down.”

“In the best possible ways.”

“Yeah…” He smiles. “....all the ways I like the most.”

“I really need to hear your voice. It always helps. When things are bad. It always calms me down.”

“I needed to hear yours, too. You sure you’re alright? I mean, considering…”

“I’ll be better when I’m home. Let’s stick to the plan, okay? Let’s wait for K to get me out of here. It’s for the best, Tyler. And I know it’s hard to wait. But I also know that YOU know it’s for the best. I gotta go. If I don’t hang up now, we’ll be up all night. And that asshole in the living room will be up sooner or later and if he finds out what K and I are up to…”

“Don’t hang up. Just give me a few minutes. Someone walks to talk to you. Can you do that? Just a little more time?”

“A little more,” she agrees. “What’s going on? Who…?”

“Millie…Amelia…” He gently shakes his daughter awake.

With a whimper she rolls onto her back; eyes flickering open and her brow furrowed as she sleepily gazes up at him. “Dad?”

“I need you to wake up, monkey. There’s someone you need to talk to.”

“What?” She sits up; groggily pushing hair out of her eyes and away from the sides of her face. “Someone on the phone? Who…?”

He presses the cell into her palm. “Just say hi. Trust me.”

Eyeing him suspiciously, she raises the phone to her ear. “Hello?”

“Millie?”

“Mum?” It comes out as a choked sob. “Mumma?”

“I miss you, sweet girl. I miss you so much. Are you okay? How are you holding up? I’ve been so worried about you.”

“I’m okay. I guess. I dunno. Dad took us out of school. So we wouldn’t have to worry about that kind of stuff right now. I’ve been doing a lot of art. To keep me busy. So I don’t think too much.”

“Art has always been your escape. And you’re so good at it. You’re a brilliant artist. You get it from your dad. He’s pretty damn talented himself. I look forward to seeing your stuff. As soon as I get home.”

“Are YOU okay? Have those guys hurt you? They haven’t done bad things to you, have they?”

“I’m alright,” Esme assures her. “I’m doing okay. I have somewhere here; he’s keeping an eye on me and keeping the bad guys at bay. So don’t you worry, alright? I’m fine. There’s someone taking care of me. You make sure you give your daddy some extra love, okay? He won’t go too deep into things, but I know he’s having a hard time. I know he’s struggling. Is it bad? Just say yes or no.”

“Yes.”

“Keep an eye on him. You know how fast he can spiral. And you know how to get him out of it. Before it gets to that point. You remember? What I taught you? When it comes to handling him?”

“I remember him.”

“Just love on him a lot. And help him. Whenever you can. He’s got a lot on his plate. He’s hurting and he’s stressed and he’s exhausted and he’s trying so hard to hold it together for you guys. That’s my husband, Millie. The love of my life. And I need him to be okay. I’m not there to help him, so I need you to step up. Can you do that?”

“I can do that.”

“Good girl. I know things have been tough for you. Things are changing. YOU’RE changing. But you’re an amazing girl, Monkey. And I love you so much.”

“I love you, mumma. And I’m sorry. That things haven’t been good. Between us. I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting. Especially in New York City. I’m sorry about the things I said. I didn’t mean them. I didn’t…”

“I know you didn’t. And I know what it’s like to be your age. I know it seems like forever ago, but I was twelve too. Stuck in this crazy in between place of being a little girl and being a young woman. It’s scary and it’s crazy and your body is going nuts on you. Hang in there, baby girl. It gets better. I promise.”

“You don’t have me? For the things I said? For being so bad? You don’t…?”

“I could NEVER hate you. You’re my daughter. My first born. You’re the one who made me a mum. And you are everything I ever wanted and dreamed about. Please don’t ever forget that, okay? How much I love you.”

“I won’t. I promise I won’t.”

“I have to go. If anyone found out I was talking to you and daddy, it wouldn’t end well. You keep an eye on him, alright? Love on him. I know he’s tough and he’s strong and he’s a bad ass, but even guys like him need lots of TLC. Give him a kiss and a hug from me, okay? Tell him I love him. And tell him I said ‘I’ll see you when I see you’.”

“I will.” Sniffling, she swipes frantically at her tears. “Love you, mumma.”

“I love you too. Put daddy on the phone. Someone needs to talk to him. I’ll see you soon, Millie. I promise.”

“Someone needs to talk to you,” Millie says, as she hands her father the phone. “I think it’s the guy who’s helping mum.”

Cradling her cheek in his palm, he uses his thumb to clear glisten droplets from her face. “You okay?”

She nods.

“Come here…” Sliding his hand to the back of her head, he presses a kiss to her brow and then pulls her tightly into him. Letting her sob into his shoulder as he waits for K to pick up the phone.

#Tyler and Esme series #Tyler Rake #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Extraction #Extraction fan fiction #Chris Hemsworth #Tyler Rake fan fic #Extraction fan fic #Esme Rake #Rake kids #Tyler Rake x OFC #Chris Hemsworth Extraction

[crimeronan]

i'm still fucking thinking about faulkner silt verses i haven't stopped all day. i just keep intermittently replaying parts of the ep and working my way thru the transcript. just now i was trying to explain to rafi how elated i was about everything that went down during this ep and rafi, horrified, was like "BUT I - I DON'T WANT HIM TO BE SUICIDAL????" and i was like "rafi. listen to me. i cannot express enough how much the suicide attempt was POSITIVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT."

#SOMETIMES A CHARACTER HAS TO GIVE UP DIE A THOUSAND TIMES FALL TO RUIN AND ROT TO MOVE FORWARS #IT'S SO GOOD #ME HOLDING HIM DOWN IN THE MUD LIKE THE CAIRN MAIDEN: STOP STRUGGLING AND GIVE UP YOU STUBBORN STUPID PRIDEFUL MOTHERFUCKER #faulkner makes me feel several of my most unhinged adam emotions except like. tenfold. #kid i want to bury you in the mud and drown you and drag you up coughing and spluttering to make your sorry ass live #SHAKING HIM AROUND IN MY MOUTH LIKE A FUCKING TERRIERRRR #MY MISERABLE-ASS IDIOT MANIPULATIVE SNAKE DUMBASS-WALKING-INTO-RAKES FAITHLESS PREACHER SON BOY WHO I WANT TO MURDER #the silt verses #the silt verses spoilers #suicide #faulkner

[qcomicsy]

Nothing fills me more joy rn than noticing that it's a pretty common occurrence on the batfam getting a lecture from a teenager dressed on a elf outfit.

And they just keep duplicating.

#robin #tim drake robin #dick robin #jason robin #steph robin #damian robin #batfam #tim making the 'corcle of life meme' but it just goes: #'you are born' -> 'you put the elf suit' -> 'you catch yourself screaming at adults while wearing the elf suit' #-> you get the elf suit rake from you from external circumstances -> there's now a new kid wearing a elf suit screaming at you -> #you ask yourself if it's karma and if you can technically dropp kick a child #batfam shenanigans #batfamily #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #damian wayne #damian al ghul #steph brown #stephanie brown

[andy-clutterbuck]

ANDY LINCOLN + 2022

#see you in 2023 my dude #Andrew Lincoln #* #andygifs #this year marked a decade for us clutterbuck wtf #if you don't want to bear hug the shit out of him i don't trust you #Mr Grimes and a new soft bespectacled nerd perfect #wonder if him and gael have got their gladrags on #old man #mayor of DILFingham #the smile in the sdcc top pic #STAB ME WITH A RAKE #*david attenborough voice* THE SUN #the mold broke....no it didn't you couldn't even make a mold #me continuing to be the old lady who all the neighborhood kids think is a witch because she's been around so long #in 2023 #it's me hi i'm the problem it's me

[separatist-apologist]

Hey MB! 🔔✨ I hope your weekend is going swimmingly. We are almost at the finish line, but here is a quick snippet to hold you over until then! Can you guess the AU? “Should I call you that, then?” She quirked her head. His noble brow curved in confusion. “Err–call me what?” he replied, still trying to find his way over the path of their stumbling first encounter. “Well, farm boy, of course,” she replied with the sly hint of a smile he’d treasure until his dying breath. “As you wish.”

Oh my god, I love Labyrinth!

#IM KIDDING IM KIDDING #i sent this to ablogofsapphicpanic like oh my GODDDD DID YOU SEE THIS #but of course they didnt because its been sitting in my askbox #i hope you dont mind i waited to post but mondays are good for snippets #maximum exposure for you secret santa #rake in those kudos when you post

[noknowshame]

the ethics of this are a little iffy but in 9th grade our math teacher failed to inform us that one of his eyes was made of glass so one day when we weren’t paying attention to our geometry worksheet he stood up in front of the classroom and announced he couldn’t take it anymore before proceeding to efficiently introduce us all to the concept of body horror

#this was apparently a gimmick he pulled every year bc he asked us not to tell the next class down about the eye #after he told us that he lost it as a kid when he stepped on a rake which idk if I believe but hey #something tells me he is not still getting away with doing this