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#That's not my Name sir
blazethecheeto · 4 months
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Things Hazbin Hotel Characters Absolutely Have Said
Angel Dust: You call it "really bad at darts", I call it "freestyle acupuncture."
Husk: ...I'm going to have to ask you to leave the bar.
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Nifty: I learned a valuable lesson from this.
Charlie: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lesson you actually should’ve taken away…
Nifty: DEATH ISN’T REAL AND I AM BASICALLY GOD!
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Lucifer: Dammit, you ruin everything!
Alastor: You're welcome!
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Vaggie: Hey, about that love letter you sent me-
Charlie: *blushes* What are your thoughts?
Vaggie: The fourth sentence-
Charlie: Yeah, that’s where I got really emotional and I-
Vaggie: It’s “you’re” not “your”.
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Angel Dust, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy.
Husk: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.
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Cherri: Please, picking locks is my specialty.
Cherri *throws a brick through the window*
Cherri: Okay, let’s go.
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Sir Pentious: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to their chest*
Vaggie: We have heart?
Sir Pentious: Heart? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.
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humans-are-tasty · 8 months
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EVERY TIME I WATCH A HORROR MOVIE AND VINCENT PRICE'S NAME POPS UP!
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son1c · 1 year
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no place sonic! i won’t lie, this was a tough one. but i wanted to make him a force of nature, literally the wind, so this is a sonic without limits. he doesn’t hold back, and his intensity has earned him a bit of a... reputation... across the seas. basically, people respect him, but they fear him, too. like anyone would respect and fear a hurricane.
he’s also the bearer of the curse (6 chaos emeralds). i was thinking, i don’t think the emeralds can really be destroyed? so when the prime dimension got shattered, they fled to one of sonic’s shattered versions. since the chaos emeralds like him so much, it makes sense to me that they’d seek refuge in their favorite person... or at least a piece of him.
without all seven though, attaining a true super form is impossible. not that he even knows about the 6 he has stored in his heart in the first place. maybe prime shadow will be able to help him out with that, hm?
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Ngl I would marry that man and then I would take him with me wherever I go like other women carry their tiny dogs in their handbags. He's so absolutely useless I want to show him off to all my friends. Whenever he says something I would kiss him gently on his zero braincells forehead. I'm a girl who knows how to treat a pretty loser
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hyuckieblr · 3 months
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Dirty Smoothie — Jaemin
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spoonstrek · 1 month
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RIP House would have loved the phrase "did you just assume my gender?!" and variations thereon to dodge actually responding to someone trying to get his attention
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faeriekit · 2 months
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Ghosts of Those We Once Knew
a phic phight fill for @silverwing013
Warnings for: implied child abuse, accidental death, dead parents
**💚**
“Oh yeah?! And what are you going to do about it?!” Aunt Alicia snapped into the phone. 
There was a sound on the other end of the line, but Danny couldn’t make it out all the way. There was another solution, but it was…risky; it would require going into his aunt’s bedroom— a well known, forbidden domain— to pick up the only other phone hooked up to the landline. 
…There was no other time to find out what Aunt Alicia was putting off. It had to be worth the risk. Danny crept up the worn carpeting of the stairs, hoping that his sneakiness would hold up to Alicia’s discerning eyes and ears. 
Her bedroom was dark. Carpeted. …Pink. 
Whatever. Danny took a deep breath, lifted the phone off the hook, and tried not to breathe too loudly into the mouthpiece.
“You have no right to keep Daniel in your dismal, miserable, isolated hovel,” someone shouted on the other end. Danny had never heard this voice before. He sounded like someone around Dad’s age, maybe? Maybe a little…smoother, despite the blistering anger coming through the line. “You live with no human contact for nine months out of the year. You speak to no one. Do you— is Daniel even enrolled in a school? Did you get any sort of educational provisions for him whatsoever?” 
“What, so he can get cocky and blow himself up in the garage like his parents?” Alicia snapped. Danny had to clap a hand to his mouth to hide his gasp of dismay. 
“You know full well that punishing your sister’s son by restricting his access to an education and basic human companionship is not a solution to your grief for your sister. You are out of your mind.”
Aunt Alicia’s voice got low. Aunt Alicia’s voice got mean. She sounded like how she looked when Danny had fumbled the water pail from the well or stepped two steps too close to the rhubarb patch out back. “Vladmir Masters, you listen here,” Aunt Alicia muttered. “That boy is everything left of my sister in the whole damn world. He is not going anywhere. Do you understand? Not for you to fill his head with her stupid husband’s supernatural hoo-ha, and not for you to snatch up and teach himself how to kill other people the way those two killed each other. Danny stays here. If you ring me up one more time, I’m going to do more than just mail dog crap to the front step of your stupid castle in Wisconsin.”
The phone cut off. It would be an innocuous end to a phone call, except Danny can hear the clatter of plastic cracking on plastic in the downstairs kitchen.
There was a moment of silence.
“Daniel Jackson Fenton, you get your butt in here right now!”
Danny jolted, heart pounding. He—he went downstairs.
Aunt’s Alicia’s lips were pursed, her eyes tight. “What did I tell you about missing all the sticks in the yard? It looks like a wreck!”
Danny felt his breath stick in his throat.
“Well?”
“Yes, Aunt Alicia,” Danny mumbled. He looked down and away. He wasn’t caught out eavesdropping, but…was this any better?
“If those sticks aren’t piled up beside the woodshed for kindling in half an hour, you can kiss your dinner goodbye.”
Danny hadn’t had dinner in three nights. He was very lucky he didn’t need to eat as much as living kids. “…Yes, Aunt Alicia.”
“So?”
…Danny went outside to collect sticks. It took until nightfall to get all the refuse from yesterday’s storm off the ground.
Aunt Alicia ate canned corn and carrots and butchered rabbit with hot sauce for dinner. Danny ate nothing.
Danny went to bed thinking about somewhere else he could go. Mom and Dad were dead—smithereens in the blast that had killed him and brought him back to life simultaneously. Jazz was in the hospital. He had no grandparents. He had no other aunts or uncles other than Aunt Alicia.
…Who was Vladmir Masters?
*
It took two days for Danny to decide to run away.
Or. Well. Fly.
He’d figured that if he wanted to find out who Vladmir Masters was, he’d need an internet connection. His cell had been on the Fenton Fone Plan™ and had been disconnected from the Fenton Family Patented Ghost-free Satellite™ for almost three months now. But, you know…what was a public library for, if not getting information?
The two-day waiting period was mostly just Danny getting his stuff together, making sure he didn’t leave anything behind, finding anything worth stealing…
…There was a picture of Mom with her big hair at graduation, a black robe thrown over her Hazmat suit. Her hair had been so big. Lots of people were beside her, including Dad, and someone with a matching hair stripe. They looked happy.
It didn’t matter that it had been Aunt Alicia’s photo. The picture had gone into his backpack next to Bearbert Einstein and a filched pocket knife.
Mom was Aunt Alicia’s sister, but Madeline Fenton had been his mom.
…Was still his mom.
Would…would always be his mom.
Danny wouldn’t cry. He wasn’t going to cry. Still, the flying and everything was still new to him. It took almost ten minutes to get himself off the ground without floating off willy nilly.
It took another half an hour to remember how to go through walls.
By the time Danny fell (as in actually, literally, leaned up against the wall and then realized he’d not made contact the way he’d expected to) through the house wall, it was almost eight at night. Aunt Alicia was still listening to Prairie Home Companion downstairs on the radio.
Whatever. He was out of there. He was sure he looked crazy—his hair was white, which was almost impossible to hide—but all he had to do was get out of there fast enough that no one connected one teenage runaway with a backpack to Danny Fenton.
It was fine.
It was all going to be fine.
…And if there wasn’t someone who’d help him. Well. Being homeless didn’t sound…so bad…?
…Or maybe he’d just squat in the burnt out ruins of Fentonworks. That sounded fine too.
*
Morning broke. Danny ended up in a tiny town somewhere in Mississippi.
A nice guy at the coffee shop gave him a cup of water and told him where the local library was. A librarian plugged her login details for him on a public computer, and Danny was able to look up one “Vladmir Masters”…
…CEO and owner of DALVco, millionaire, and Green Bay Packers megafan.
Holy crap.
Like… There were hospital wings with his name on them. Charities operating out of his company. Every picture of the man was perfectly taken in perfect lighting with perfect suits and precise smirks and bright-white magazine article paper.
Danny went back up to the librarian. “Do you have any articles on…uh…Vlad Masters?”
The librarian smiled warmly. “Ah, school project?”
“Sure,” Danny lied, milk on his tongue.
Vlad Masters was a self-made millionaire. He lived in a castle in Wisconsin that used to be owned by a dairy empire kingpin. He went to—
Danny read the line again
—He went to the same college as Mom and Dad. The year looked right, too. They might have even graduated in the exact same year. If only Danny could still check Dad’s college ring in the bottom of their junk drawer.
Wisconsin. Vlad Masters lived in Wisconsin.
…Danny was really lucky he was never all that hungry anymore.
Danny got another cup of water at the coffee shop, washed his face in the bathroom, and got ready to fly another night.
He was no sextant, but he could probably figure out how to get to Wisconsin after a couple of hours of flying, and a little time to gauge the sky.
It would be easy.
…Danny’s white-topped, pale face stared back at him from the restroom mirror.
It had to be. It would have to be easy.
*
So, a cheese castle looked a lot like a regular castle.
Danny squinted up at the stonework. Nah, that looked like…a castle. That being said, it looked more specifically like the castle he was looking for—the one that had been featured in Vlad Masters’s house tour in Architecture Daily magazine two years ago.  
Same…roof bits. Same big door. Danny swallowed. Same…tower? Were there better words for these? There were definitely better words for all the tricky stone bits in the castle.
Whatever. Danny was praying that the man was actually home today, as opposed to flying across the country on some kind of business trip. Rich people did business trips, right?
Danny floated up to the front door. There was no doorbell.
…Danny bit his lip. Okay. So there was no doorbell. There was a very large, brass door knocker. It looked kind of like a big monster face, with a ring held in its teeth.
The knocker was just high enough off the ground that Danny had to float to get there. Lifting it was a struggle.
When it knocked, the whole door buzzed with sound.
Danny waited.
…He waited.
And…Danny waited.
No one came.
Danny picked at the skin of his lip. What if he just…went in?
Like. It was a big house. Maybe Vlad Masters just hadn’t heard him at all? Maybe he was just…in the basement or something…?
Danny paced midair. On one hand. He’d come all this way. He had to follow through. He had to see if there was…something. Anything. Anything at all—anything that could possibly connect Masters to his family.
Any connection that wasn’t Aunt Alicia would be worth breaking and entering.
On the other hand. Home invasion was and would remain illegal.
Danny grimaced.
He…stuck his head through the door. 
There was a hallway on the other side. A little end table. A guest book. 
…Okay. Danny slipped through the door. He was breaking and entering now— or at least…entering. 
Inside was dark. Gloomy. Comfortable, sure— lots of soft furnishings, curtains, couches, pillow, lounging things— but very…opaque in atmosphere. 
He was glowing, he noticed. That probably was pretty bad on the “trying not to get caught” scale. 
There was no one upstairs. Danny drifted through room after empty room and up into floor after empty floor. There was a kitchen, and the food therein were largely preserved items. There was nothing in the fridge. 
Danny’s stomach cramped. There was no one here. 
…Maybe he should look downstairs? 
The castle got colder the further down he went. The windows that at least allowed the minimal light that escaped through the tree cover in the castle vanished. The only light left was Danny. 
Danny floated down deeper. 
There were doors made of metal in a long, stone hallway. Each had different numbers on them. Danny followed the rows of doors.
There were wires on the floor. They were organized by color and bound by little ties, until they weren’t, and Danny eventually ran out of tangled webs of red and blue plastic to follow. 
They ended at a closed door. 
Danny hesitated. He poked his head through. 
On the other side was a ghost. 
Danny jerked back. He’d— he clapped his hand over his mouth. That was—! And sure, Danny was something like that now, but he’d never seen—!
He should leave. Danny should leave. 
Danny barely made it three doors down. 
Going somewhere? something asked him. Danny shivered. 
The ghost appeared on his left in ethereal white, black hair pulled behind him in some sort of half-halo. Unlike Danny, who was in something like half-hazmat, half-hoodie, the ghost wore a long, glowing labcoat, appropriate PPE beneath. 
Danny’s breath fogged up in his mouth. He flinched. “Sorr—” he tried. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m not supposed to be here.”
The ghost looked at him with bright red eyes. Danny floated a few steps back. Spying, are you?
Danny shook his head. “No!! No, I just— I was looking for— I wasn’t spying! I’m sorry! I didn’t know you li— died here! I’ll leave!” 
The ghost’s head tilted. For a second, Danny thought that he was going to throw a punch. And then—
You’re already here, the ghost pointed out, and opened a door. Beyond it was…something similar to a doctor’s office. An examination table with the paper on it. One of those blood pressure cuffs, attached to a printer for the readout. A sink. Sundry tongue depressors. You may as well consent to be helped. 
“...Helped with what?” Danny asked nervously, fingers flexing. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”
The ghost hummed— not in the way voices hummed, but in the way high voltage sang in distant powerlines. You are newly formed, aren’t you? Most can tell a ghost’s nature from its presence alone.
Danny looked away. “Um. You know. You might be the first ghost I’ve ever met.” 
The ghost’s feet almost touched the ground. It stared down at him. It was taller than he was, and when it stared, it made Danny want to run away. 
…Truly, the ghost asked(?), and it took Danny a second to realize it was a question. 
“Maybe I died a little recently…” Danny tried, trailing off into a mumble. Was there a right answer to this? 
…I see. That would make this check-up more urgent, then. Might I encourage you to come this way? 
Danny followed him into the room. 
It felt… It looked and felt exactly like any other doctor’s appointment, excepting that the doctor involved in the process had blue skin and fangs and a hairstyle that defied gravity. The ghost still wore gloves and didn’t poke him or prod him too hard, though, so that was a bonus.
Danny got his pulse taken. (None.) Danny got his lungs checked. (Not breathing.) Danny got his resonance? looked at? Whatever that was? It was a big scanny thing that looked like an X ray and took pictures of his chest. 
The readings were real pretty, whatever they were; the whole film print was taken up with splotches of white and clear blue. It kind of shimmered when Danny tilted his head. 
You’re quite powerful for a newly formed ghost, the ghost offered, overlooking papers Danny couldn’t quite see on his clipboard. It flipped through once. Twice. You’re clearly not attached to your place of death, so that’s not why… Are you aware of any compulsions to follow an Obsession yet…?
A ghostly obsession? Danny knew what that was— it was one of his parents’ theories on why ghosts persisted after death! Was it was true? 
“Um,” Danny said, unsure. He hadn’t…had he? “Not that I know of?”
The ghost paused. It clicked its pen. It marked something down on Danny’s chart. Interesting.
Ominous. 
May I quickly test something? the ghost asked, looking up at Danny. It would only take a moment. If it does not work, there will be no other side effects other than mild discomfort and an activated flight response. 
Danny shifted. The paper crackled underneath him. “...Does it hurt?” 
No.
The ghost added nothing more. 
Danny’s…head jerked up and down. It was fine. It would be fine. 
The ghost’s hand circled his wrist. Its touch burned like fire. 
And then light, like how Danny burned away one form for another—
—Danny was left on the table, no longer weightless, no longer breathless. He was flesh. He was human again.
Vlad Masters stared back at him. 
…Huh. 
Mr. Masters— Vlad?— licked dry lips, staring at Danny, whose wrist he still held. Danny…didn’t know if he could move. Danny didn’t know if he knew how to move. 
“...Daniel?” Mr. Masters’s voice cracked. His eyes moved up and down Danny’s body, from his raggedy hair to his dirt-stained clothes to his beat-up shoes. “Daniel Fenton?”
Danny winced. “It’s just Danny,” he offered hoarsely. His throat bobbed. “You…know me?” 
Mr. Masters moved his grip to Danny’s hand, apparently moved to tears. Without the red in his eyes, he just looked…human enough. “Daniel— Danny, how did you— Are you dead? What happened?” 
Danny felt the weight of everything push down on him again, as if it had ever let up on him since the portal incident. Mom and Dad’s funerals. Jazz in the emergency room. Being resuscitated by the EMTs. Getting shipped out to Aunt Alicia’s house without warning. 
“House blew up.”
That was succinct enough, right?
The man’s face turned devastated. “I heard— I’m so, so sorry. I’m so sorry, Danny.”
…It was more concern than anyone had shown in a long time. His eyes were wet before he knew it. When he wiped his face with his sleeve, the dampness was enough to leave little streaks of mud on his face— and, ugh, he felt filthy. 
“It’s okay,” Danny lied, because it wasn’t. He pressed his sleeve to his eyes. “It’s…you know my parents?”
Mr. Masters took a deep, surprised breath. “Yes. We…weren’t in contact after we graduated from school together, but Jack always… He asked me by email to be your godfather, right before you were born. I said yes, but I have no idea if he ever filed the paperwork.” 
Oh. 
…Oh. 
There were clearly more secrets here. Mr. Masters was a ghost, and so was Danny. He lived in a giant castle that was clearly haunted, which was made obvious by the owner. He was Danny’s godfather, and Danny had never once met him. 
And he wasn’t Aunt Alicia. 
Danny sucked the spit off of his teeth with his tongue. “Can I stay here?” 
Mr. Masters made a wounded, desperate expression. “I would rather you did.” 
“Can you teach me how to be a ghost?”
The man persevered through what were clearly heavy feelings. “...If I must.” 
“Can I have dinner?” was Danny’s final question. “Like. On the regular?” 
There was a second where Mr. Masters’s eyes went red. The castle suddenly felt taut with anticipation. Fury crawled on Danny’s skin. He could feel the pressure digging in search of some way to burrow into his flesh.
And then it was gone. 
“Of course you can. You are a growing boy.”
Danny smiled shyly, barely showing his teeth. When he smiled for real in the mirror, he had fangs. It was better not to. “Cool.”
Mr. Masters nodded. And when Danny looked down at the floor, he changed his grip so that Danny could hold his hand and hop down like normal. 
“It will be alright,” Mr. Masters promised quietly. It seemed to be just as much for him as it was for Danny. “Or…I’ll take care of it. Whatever happens. You’re not alone, Danny.” 
Danny had been alone for almost half a year. It had felt like forever. “Thanks.” He sniffed. 
They walked upstairs from the basement laboratory together, in a way Mom and Dad never would again. 
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theloveinc · 2 months
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I always think it's a little surprising, irritating, endearing, something when big, tough men find solace in being gentle with their daughters.
There's reason to do tough things with them, too, to make sure they grow up strong and independent, but I think of a man like Simon "Ghost" Riley, who spent a huge percentage of his life being beaten down consistently by almost all the men who were around him.
And sure, he trusts the men in his task force with his life now, no question about it, but... I think the sudden calm he experiences when he starts to raise a daughter is beyond strange for him, but also weirdly... healing, too. Enjoyable.
That's not to say he doesn't, and hasn't, enjoyed the boyish things in life, the watching sports, the playing in the dirt, the pretending to hold guns part of growing up... but he finds himself sitting through your daughter's ballet class, overwhelmed by the calm that surrounds him, actually able to focus on the intensity of her pliers, her releves, the way her pink skirt ripples when she leaps into a sauter.
It's a new realization, a new kind of war (between him and learning how to be a parent), but it's one that doesn't revolve around the consistent anxiety that warps his stomach when he watches boys, little or not, teeter the line between roughhousing and fighting, picking on one another for shedding accidental tears that, really, cause no harm.
With your daughter, he's set in charge of watching her play with her friends and finds there is no lump in his stomach when she giggles with them, no dark possibility drifting in the back of his mind that she'll reach out and get her arm broken by someone she trusts--the fights she fights with her peers all between the characters they play and not between their fists, their games of laughter and drama and screaming but not of raging violence.
There's people who ask him, people who joke, wouldn't a man like him prefer a son? He must've been so disappointed... Yet, Simon still has yet to think of the best way to tell them that he honestly enjoys having a daughter a little bit more, that she runs to him and not for a second is he afraid she's hiding a snake up her sleeve, because she's only ever greeted him with flowers.
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tojisun · 1 month
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day ??? of trying to write that price x throat training but getting derailed by how soft he becomes :((
all crooning and outpouring petnames because more than anything, the fact that you're letting him use you is the biggest turn-on. it has him swelling under his sweats, chub filling up at every of your shy looks. it has him pinching your chin, thumb swiping over your mouth like he can't fathom how those pretty lips would be soon wrapped around his flesh.
christ.
"open up f'me, darlin'?" he asks, breaths turning ragged when you drop your jaw open, following his every quiet beckoning. he presses his thumb on the flat of your tongue, unable to hold himself back now that you've presented him the wetness that'd take all of him down.
and you would, wouldn't you? you'd swallow all of him, greedily and impatiently?
(of course, you would.)
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platypuslappy · 9 months
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TDP Season 5 sure is real !
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humans-are-tasty · 2 years
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volvolts · 9 months
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You're not quite sure that you've gotten yourself into...but that still wouldn't justify getting in this amount of trouble with another Warlord But like hell you're going to give Doflamingo the satisfaction
a snippet i wanted to draw from Habenera by Nana on ao3
talking about it under read more
so habanera is the second part of a multipart series between crocodile and mihawk called L'amour est un oiseau rebelle. its in mihawk's perspective and written in 2nd person perspective. also mind the ratings
its really good and i highly recommended if you haven't already! it's also fairly short reads, between 1500 to 3500 words depending on the story.
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crunchy-rocc · 4 months
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does anyone here like ttrpgs that take place in scifi settings. if you do im holding my hands up and offering you an au where the foxes are pirates (in space !)
some notes under the cut because i didnt want to write it out lol
—kevin is an ex-solider of the new world order. he was riko’s right hand man when he was still on the E.A. Raven.
—he’s a navigator! which is the only type of person able to safely plan out courses through the Void, a dense part of space that can help ships travel faster AND is the source of power in this world.
—the scars on his hand displays a sky full of stars. this is NOT normal, it’s caused by void exposure, which every member of the fox crew has with few exceptions. they manifest in different ways.
—kevin gets two guns ❤️ the riffle is based off of one i had in a campaign that did so much damage
—neil was a stowaway on a ship when an accident on it occurred, leaving him the sole survivor and stranded in the middle of nowhere, empty space. the foxes rescued him.
—insists he’s not part of the fox’s crew until he meets riko. he immediately gets his first wanted poster plastered everywhere afterwards
—neils gun used to belong to mary. there’s an H engraved onto it
—andrew has two spirits bound to him, and they’re sir and king. they can converse with andrew and only andrew, as well as act as armor/weapons for him. cats are seen as good luck for ships btw . if tou even care
—didnt draw andrew’s knives because most of them are concealed and its funnier to leave people guessing. he does have four of them that are visible at all times though
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withdenim · 7 months
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Do you think they know? About the whole. Being gay thing? I don’t know if they know.
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javelinbk · 11 months
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Paul McCartney tells the same anecdote for 60 years, #37925
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