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leslovesfatties · 8 months

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Pt. 1: first flight

Idk I was feeling super mushy so I wrote this in like 3 hours lol soft BHM/FFA fiction…should I continue it?

First time flying in two years…and back then it was a squeeze. Determined not to embarrass myself, I called ahead.

“TWO tickets?”

“Yes, sir. But there’s no guarantee the second seat won’t be sold if it’s a particularly full flight.”

I gulped and hesitated. “Okay…so that means I’m paying for a seat I might not get?”

“That’s correct.” Not a hint of sympathy in her voice.

What other choice did I have? “Okay, then. I guess I’ll take the window and middle seat. Oh, and I’ll probably need a seatbelt extender.” Even saying the words made my face flush. I can’t believe I’d let myself get like this. The voice on the other end of the phone either sighed, coughed, or stifled a laugh. I couldn’t be sure which, and I didn’t exactly want to know.

My alarm fades out as I desperately want to hit snooze. I get up, wash my face, and try to keep my anxiety at bay. It’s going to be fine. I got TWO seats. I won’t bother anyone. I put on a little extra deodorant in between my folds and under my moobs. A little cologne for good measure and a crisp shirt. I don’t want people to think I’m some sort of lazy, unkempt slob. I actually really care about my appearance. My face stays neatly shaven, my hair styled, and clothes - when I can find them in my size - are reasonably tasteful. My glasses frames are updated each year in an attempt to elevate my look, or at least take people’s glances away from other parts.

At the airport, I grab a bagel and a coffee, then wait as close to the line as I can to board. Don’t panic. You’re going to fit. Everything’s going to be fine. It’s a short flight, anyways. A mantra I’ve begun to chant in my head as the boarding process begins. I offer a smile to the man who scans my barcode for two tickets and he looks up for the second passenger.

“Oh, uh, it’s just for me.” He acknowledges by nodding me over to continue boarding. I practically hold my breath as I wedge myself between the aisle. Most people brace their carry ons, but I have to brace myself.

Thankfully, no one is in my row, otherwise they’d have to get up to let me through. I plop down and immediately appreciate the forethought to buy two seats. I’m positively squished between the plane wall and armrest.

“Um, excuse me?” Fuck. I look up.

“Are those your bags? Do you want me to put them up here?

“Uh, I’m actually supposed to have this seat.” I try to speak just loud enough for her to hear and no other passengers. She glances down at her phone and back up.

“23 B?” My face flushes as I realize what’s happened. They’ve given up my seat.

“I-I’m so sorry,” I stutter, utterly embarrassed. “I was supposed to…They weren’t supposed to -“ The line behind her grew and we were drawing attention.

“That’s okay! Here,” she reached for my bag and in a daze, I handed it to her. She was so short she couldn’t get it in the overhead compartment all the way and I wanted to disappear. She scooted in and I tried leaning as far as I could into the wall, my side squishing into her armrest. At that moment, I realized I forgot to ask for the seatbelt extender. My ears started ringing and I desperately wanted to get off this flight.

“I’m so sorry…” I began, but she cut me off.

“For what? Don’t apologize.” She finished shoving her bag under her seat and smiled at me.

An older gentleman plopped down next to her and scowled at me. I looked down as he muttered something I was grateful I couldn’t understand. Fuck. How am I going to get the extender now?

“Um, excuse me?” I leaned over slightly to look at the man who’d just joined our row. I’d just about rather die than have to move. He looked up.

“I’m sorry, but I have to get up.”

The man scowled. “Ugh, shouldn’t they have weight limits on these things?” My heart dropped.

“Wow, that was rude.” The girl beside me said pointedly and the man scoffed. I tried to sink down and away into my chair, my face hot with embarrassment.

“I tried to buy two seats…” I began and the girl cut me off.

“You don’t owe him an explanation. He just wants an excuse to be miserable,” the girl turned and whispered to me. I tried to smile but felt like my lip might quiver, so I mouthed “thank you.”

“Everything okay over here?” A slim flight attendant asked, primarily to me.

“Uh, yeah. I-I think I need a…” I tried gesturing to the seatbelt so I wouldn’t have to say it out loud, but she looked puzzled. I gulped, feeling my heart rate rise and willing myself to stop sweating.

“An extender” it was barely audible, but the guy two seats away looked at me with disgust and shook his head. The flight attendant nodded and retreated to find one. I looked out the window so I could get my emotions in check.

“You okay?” The girl whispered. Thank God she was small, otherwise I’d be squishing her.

I nodded, fearing my voice might crack, and swallowed hard. “Thank you.”

“People can be so unkind.” The tenderness in her voice allowed me to look up and I offered her the best smile I could muster up.

The flight attendant came back with the extender and explained how to connect it. I did it as quickly as possible and willed the plane to take off.

The girl made polite conversation with me which calmed my nerves a bit.

“Are you on the connecting flight or stopping at Atlanta?”

“Connecting flight.”

“Cool. I’m sorry they gave up your seat.”

“It’s okay. It sucks that I’m out of the money, though.” I admitted.

“That’s so fucked up. Sorry, messed up. So you paid for two seats but only got one?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, if you get stuck in the same position next flight, I’d be happy to be your seat buddy again.”

I shook my head, “oh, no. That’s very kind of you, but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable the whole trip.” Secretly, I was terrified of getting sat next to someone who wasn’t as kind as her.

“I’m not uncomfortable at all. Plus, you’d be doing me a favor. I get nervous on planes sometimes and it’s nice to talk to someone.” She smiled reassuringly and I almost believed her.

“Sorry, what was your name?”

“Oh, Leslie! Nice to meet you…?”

“Ian,” I smiled, a bit more sincerely this time.

We kept talking and I tried not making it obvious how squished I was between her armrest, but you could easily tell.

“Do you want to move that?” She asked after I’d wiggled around a bit.

“Oh, no. It’s fine.”

“It won’t bother me, but I can’t promise I won’t fall asleep on you.” I felt my face flush and let out a laugh.

“Are you sure?”

“Here,” she raised it for me and my fat immediately pooled out. I looked away, embarrassed. Thank God it still wasn’t touching her, by some miracle. I glanced at her and she had looked away as well. Fuck.

“Sorry” I muttered.

“It’s okay.” She placed her hand on my thigh just above my knee and I felt my breath hitch. She was just being nice.

“Thanks,” I looked out the window and she moved her hand away.

Several minutes later, she had fallen asleep on me. She wasn’t kidding. I tried not to move as I rummaged through my bag for my AirPods. She stirred and jerked up.

“I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind. I was trying not to wake you.”

“I’m sure you don’t mind a random stranger sleeping on you,” she chuckled and I grinned in response. “If I fall asleep again, can you wake me when they come by with the snacks?”

“Of course.”

In about 30 minutes, the snack carts came out so I gently nudged Leslie who’d fallen asleep on me again.

“Sorry,” she yawned sleepily. “Thanks for waking me.”

“No problem.”

“Hey, want to get a wine with me?”

“Won’t that make you sleepier?”

“Maybe! Who knows?”

“Two cabernets, please.” She held out her card and I protested.

“No, I got it.” I fumbled for my wallet.

“I insist,” and she handed her card to the flight attendant.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to. I invited you to day drink with me. Cheers.”

“Cheers.” I couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you.”

The plane lands and most people eagerly stand up. I wait behind, definitely not eager to bump into anyone. Leslie stands and asks if we can walk to the gate together so we can board the connecting flight together, and I’m extremely grateful.

“Sure.” When most of the people have left, Leslie scoots out and waits for me. I don’t want her to see me struggle to get out of my seat, but it’s inevitable. “I gotta lose some weight,” I try to laugh it off, but I must be a pretty pathetic sight, wobbling and shifting myself over the seats in order to get into the aisle.

She doesn’t respond and I regret pointing out my size, but she still waits as I reach for my bag. Before slinging it down, I notice her staring where my shirt should be covering my stomach, but considering the reaching, it might have ridden up. My face flushes and I throw my bag over my shoulder as quickly as I can, letting Leslie go first.

“Hungry?”

“Oh, no…I just had a bagel.” But I was hungry, and I would be before the next flight.

“We have about an hour before boarding. Maybe we should get something to go for the plane?”

I considered it. “Sure, whatever you want.”

The only respectable restaurant was a shitty Ruby Tuesdays and we decided to eat in. I was able to wedge myself into the booth but it was tight.

“Here, why don’t we move to the bar?” Leslie asked, noticing the tight space.

“Oh no, I don’t mind…”

“You don’t have to be uncomfortable.” She stated.

I thought over my words carefully and explained “I’m just not sure I’ll fit there, either.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. Do you want to try? I’ll keep our seat here.”

“Um, sure.” I hefted my weight and tried to keep my cool. The bar stools didn’t have armrests which was a blessing. It was still difficult to fit, but it was better than the booth. I came back to grab our bags and she thanked me, following me to the bar.

“You know, you don’t have to do this. I really appreciate it but I’m okay.” She frowned.

“I like this. I like getting to know you. I’d rather hang out with you than wait alone.” She was so sweet. “Want another drink?”

“Sure.”

We continued talking and I forgot why I was ever anxious in the first place. We ordered another round and I could tell she was starting to feel it. I was getting a little uncomfortable when her glances started going towards my body, so I reached into my bag and pulled over a hoodie. Did she…frown?

“You’re really hard to read,” I confessed.

“How so?” She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at me quizzically.

“I don’t know,” I shook my head. “I just don’t get you.” She smiled coyly.

“I’m an enigma,” she stated with jazz hands for added flair.

“Well, I’m enjoying myself a lot more than I was earlier, so thank you.”

“You don’t have to keep thanking me and apologizing. I’m equally enjoying it.” She placed her hand on my thigh and I realized I’d been bouncing my leg anxiously for who knows how long. I didn’t know what to make of her. Friendly, sweet, kind, adorable. Now I have another reason for not wanting to get on the plane…I don’t want this to end.

Leslie orders some appetizers to share and an entree for herself. I try to choose something moderately healthy, so I stick to the grilled chicken sandwich.

“Here, try” she pushes over her appetizer plates to me and I take small bites.

“They’re good.”

“Have more,” she begins forking them onto my plate.

“Whoa, no, that’s okay,” I try to protest but she’s in the middle of loading up my plate.

“I won’t finish them,” she counters, and I oblige, trying not to make a pig of myself.

I try not to eat everything to save face, despite my obvious physique that says I likely have never turned down food before. I order another drink and Leslie is practically staring at me now. I shift uncomfortably in my seat and try sucking in my belly.

“You’re full?”

“Oh, um yeah.”

“We shouldn’t let it go to waste.”

“You ordered them,” I remind her.

“Pleaseeeee,” she’s tipsy now and there’s something in her eyes I can’t quite pinpoint.

“Really?” I laugh. “Why do you want me to finish these? Why not just save them for later?”

“Because you’ll be hungry later, too.”

“Bold of you to assume.” I counter.

“Is it though?” I don’t think she intended malice, but the words sting a little.

“I’m sorry, I just…I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I’m sorry, that was dumb.” She covered her face with her hands.

“It’s okay.“ I pause. She doesn’t say anything. It’s quiet besides her fork scraping against the plate.

“I just, I’m sorry I’m so awkward,” she sighed. “I think you’re really cute.”

I stop mid-bite. “What?” Garbled by the food in my mouth.

She covers her face with her hands again.

I finish swallowing, heart pounding in my chest. “Really?”

“Yes really. I thought I’d made it obvious. I was so nervous.” She confessed.

It took me a second to compute. It made sense. The quick glances, an excuse to put her hand on my leg, insisting on buying my wine.

“It’s so cute when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“You blush.” I could feel my cheeks burning even brighter. We were sitting so close to each other I could smell the sweet rosé on her breath.

She leaned in closer. “You’re seriously so handsome.” I think my heart leapt into my throat and I had to swallow it down. Was this happening?

The bartender interrupted and asked if we wanted to close out, which we did. It gave me a moment to gain my composure.

“You don’t think I’m too…big?” I was afraid to ask. She shook her head and barely audibly answered “I like bigger guys.” Holy shit.

We had to run to our gate and we were both giddy. I offered her my hand and she took it, two wildly different strangers running through an airport together. “I booked two seats…” I explained as they checked my boarding pass and Leslie chimed in “I don’t mind sitting next to him if it’s a full flight. I’m 18 A.”

“Thanks, looks like you might have to. Hang tight.”

“You can give my seat to someone else.” She insisted and the boarding director looked at me and I shrugged.

“Alright, miss,” and he scanned all three tickets.

“I’ll go first to make sure there’s enough room.” Wow. My anxiety was no match for her.

“Excuse me, ‘scuse us,” she’d loudly announce when people’s bags were in my way. I was beyond grateful. We took our seats and I thanked her.

“No more thanking me!” And she pulled her armrest up.

“I’m so cold.”

“Here,” I peeled off my hoodie and felt the cool air hit my stomach when my shirt rode up. “I’m sure it’s way too big, but -“

“Thank you.” She eagerly accepted it and draped it over her, cuddling into me. My heart thudded obnoxiously in my chest.

“Is this okay?” She asked timidly.

“Of course,” I placed an arm around her. Whoever gets sat next to us would probably think we’re a couple on vacation, and I loved that. It was an older, middle aged woman with a smug expression on her face. She first looked at me and practically grimaced. Leslie noticed and placed her arm around my stomach where my waistline would be if it wasn’t covered in fat. I got chills.

It was the tiny nuances that she noticed. How I could use some help maneuvering the aisle, when someone made a comment or just gave a look of disapproval. She was trying to offset it, remind me that I’m not as despicable as they act like I am. Like I’m not a huge waste of space, an eyesore, an inconvenience.

“This is nice.” She sighed into me, arm still wrapped around me.

“So nice,” I agree. She rhythmically rubs her thumb over my stomach and I get goosebumps. I don’t think I’ve ever been touched like this. Sure, I’ve been in relationships and had a couple hookups, but no one ever wanted to touch my body. It was a foreign feeling to have someone actually want to. She looked so small, especially next to me.

“We barely know each other and look at us,” I whispered. She looked up at me excitedly.

“Let’s get to know each other. What’s your favorite color?”

“Blue, yours?”

“Mine too! Favorite food?”

“Anything,” I snickered. “Can you tell?”

“Ha, ha. Alright, how tall are you?”

“Six foot, you?”

“Holy shit. Guess.”

“Hmm, 5’2?”

“Nope. Five foot.”

“Five feet?! That’s it?”

She nodded, stifling a laugh. We were quiet for a little, the hum of the plane and alcohol making us sleepy.

“I really like this.”

“Me too.” I couldn’t believe this was happening. I didn’t want the plane to take off. I wanted to sit with her like this forever.

#ffa #female fat admirer #fat admirer #female feeder #feedist #weight gain encourager #intentional weight gain #feedist confessions #fat love #feedist fiction

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tomdiddlyumptious · 4 years

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HEY ANON WHO SENT THIS, I COULD DO EVERYTHING BUT THE SMUT BECAUSE I NEED TO READ INTO IT AND LEARN SOMEMORE, I JUST REPLACED IT WITH CUDDLING!

Warnings: language, arguing? A lil violence to your wrist, weave grabbing and bodyguard running! NOT PROOF READ OR BOLD, IM JUST KINDA LAZY TODAY!

A/n: oh god what did I just write?

T.H| You Shouldn’t Go Out Anymore

We all know he is gonna feel some fuckin way y/n, don’t fight it” your friend said, sipping her cherrie slurpie after you all left the club.

“Well I don’t know what to say, I was fucking around with anyone I was just handlin my own” you let out a ‘tuh’ as you looked out the window.

“This is a man? You have been out since what? 6” your gay best friend stated, handing you your Reese’s as you only rolled your eyes.

“This is your stop, good luck babe, although you can most definitely handle your own” you opened the door as she pulled up, grabbing your stuff and hopped out the door, big ass mistake. You didn’t fall but your knees didn’t agree with you.

As your friends laughed you flipped them off and closed the door, fixing your purse as your heels clanked against the stone, you walked up to the door step, grabbing your keys and putting them in the door, before you could twist it was already opened by you great full.... angry? Boyfriend.

You jerked your head at him and came in the house, taking off your heels and going into your shared room, throwing them in the closet.

“Where’d you go?” He asked from the kitchen, soon angrily coming into the bedroom. “I got caught up in some traffic” “bullshit, where did you go?” “To the club? Why else am I wearing this?” “Why is your hair fucked up?” He asked, looking at your figure. You shrugged “I have no idea” you bit your lip as you walked up to the mirror attached to the closet, trying to unzip yourself. He stood there watching you with his jaw clenched, you could see him but you tried to ignore it your best, it wasn’t happening.

“Thomas what the fuck is your problem?” “My problem? Why are you out so fucking late!?” He raised his voice. “Why? I’m here aren’t I!” You yell back. “Why are you avoiding the fucking question, you fucking cheated didn’t you? Your a fucking slob” “A slob?” You cock your head at him, furrowing your eyebrows. “I AM SOBERRRR!” you yell at him, he only ignores you so you dance around him yelling “soberrrr! I am so soberrrr! What’s 2x2? Fourrrrr”. “Can you be serious for two minutes?” “Not when you don’t know what your fucking talking about, wanna know why I was really late?” You snapped back and he only nodded, you threw the Reese’s at his face “maybe I should’ve cheated on yo dumbass” “fuck you!”

“Haven’t you already? Unzip me” his face all scrunched as he walked up and unzipped you, you turning around and his face so close to your own “I went to the fucking store Thomas, they don’t sell snacks at the club” “did you drink at all?” “No thomas, there was just an achol free club where we all sing Barney, I love you, you love me” you smile, tilting your head to the side. “Well I’ve been sitting in this bed waiting for you” “then wait some more baby, wait some more” he grabbed your wrist pulling you closer, him towering you “look smartass, if you want to go bloody fuck around you can, just stay away from me, you don’t answer your phone, you stay out late, you have the fucking audacity to come home and try to talk to me as if I did something wrong?”

“No I’m actually talking to you like your dumb, because you are, get out of me!” You snatch your wrist back “next time you touch me I swear to god I will punch you square in yo fucking face” you take off your dress and grab your suit case, rubbing your wrist because it hurt, like hell. You know he wouldn’t ever hurt you and maybe he was caught in the moment but you were pissed. You took out all of your clothes and threw them on the side of your bed.

“Where are you going? You don’t have anywhere to go” Tom said, grabbing the clothes on the hangers and putting them back up. “Thomas put my shit down” and one thing you both knew, it is your shit, you bought it because you aren’t one of those types for when the time comes he takes everything that he bought for you.

He hesitated before he put it back on the bed “you aren’t leaving me” “I make my own decisions” you started to fold up your clothes as Thomas left, walking into the livingroom taking in what all happened.

You walked up to the door and slammed it, hissing in pain from the slight sting in your wrist, you only pushed yourself more by folding everything and throwing it in your suit case.

You set it next to the door and sat on the bed “fuck” you whispered to yourself thumbs on your temples and your hands rested on your eyebrows. it isn’t your fucking fault at all and you needed to know that but right now you’ve never ever had these kinds of fights with Tom, it was just about dinner or something petty. You ended up falling asleep.

You woke up and found yourself in the messy bedroom, hangers everywhere and suit case still next to the door. You grabbed your phone from your purse that was also on the floor, calling your friend, Imani.

“Yes” she said, you only bit your lip. “We had a fight” you went to the bathroom and grabbed a towel, “I know” “how?” “It’s Thomas, and your sarcastic as hell” “well I’m leaving” “the house or the man?” “havent talked about it yet” “well you should, I got to go, text me the apartment though” you let out a hum and hung up, turning on the shower to a warm feeling.

You got dressed and flat ironed your hair sitting on your fluffy pink chair that matched your marble vanity. Then he walked in “hey” he whispered. “Hi” you said back, taking out the last section. “Are we like... not together anymore?” He asked, sitting on the bed watching you. “A break” you said, turning back to him as he nodded. “Can I ask why your doing your hair” “no Tom” “okay” his lips in a thin line.

You unpacked your stuff, getting comfy in your new but not replaced home. You were gonna move in with one of your friends at first but them you knew you wanted some alone time for yourself, you scrolled through your explore page on Instagram- stacked with zodiac signs and Evan peters, skinny girls in bikinis, generic ones.

As you scrolled through you thought ‘maybe I should- nah’ you looked in the closet looking at the small bikinis and the tight skirts and tube tops. Sooner or later the door opened revealing-

“Tye? What are you doing here?” You asked, your gay best friend entering. “I’m not the only one, and don’t come over here talking to me like I’m the enemy” “shut up” you stood up and gave him a hug, soon revealing Imani also. “You know for a fact that we was comin over, yo hair is poppin” she said “stiff where?” You shook it, silky.

Over the few days that you’ve been alone Toms been doing actually pretty well, he did miss you of course but he also did freak out and get mad that you weren’t accepting his calls, he didn’t know if you were safe until-

“Stop!” You laughed, currently in the Pool with the most smallest bikini EVER- the hot red just making your skin shine, your hair done, sunglasses on, teeth white, feet done nails done, okay? Everything is done, by your wallet to.

Tye and his muscular lil boo, throwing pretzels at you. “Have fun!” Ray said, “we didn’t take you here for no reason” Tye added both of them sitting down in the seats while you were in the pool, leaning your elbows on the brim “I know!” You lift yourself up, little did you know Imani was taking pictures of you, from behind of course, your ass the main course of the picture, everything about you was just so sexy, like you had a magnet on you that everybody needs to be attached to, but luckily that was Thomas. Did I mention it was a public pool? “Look at Jesus, he’s starring at you” everyone grabbed there black tinted sunglasses, making sure nobody could see yours and your friends eyes you looked. “Sexy” ray said, “nice and hairy, it’s time for a grown man y/n” Imani said, basically dissing Tom because it doesn’t look like he has any hair on his body ‘golden beauty’ as he’d call it.

“I don’t know, what if he’s like a hobo or something?” You said, coming up to Tye and laying down between his legs, resting your head on his pec. “Your right, he might be hairy in the business to” ray commented, making everyone laugh as Tye played with your hair. You smacked your lips as ray took out his phone “stoppp!” You said, knowing what he is doing to embarrass you, he made a boomerang of him zooming in on Jesus, but acting like he was recording himself. He labels it “JESUS?” and posted, making everyone else but you repost it on their story. “Y’all do to much” you sigh, rubbing your forehead.

“What the fuck is this? Jesus?” Tom said, sipping his beer. Looking at Harrison who is trying to hold on a laugh “you might have to fuck some since into her if ya know what I mean” a chuckle leaving his lips. “She isn’t fucking around, just leave her be” Harry rolled his eyes, all Tom was doing is looking at him phone, every, single, day. “You think she likes him? Or might have sex with him?” “You are literally so bloody annoying, what do you think?” Haz glares at him. “Well I don’t know! Fuck! She wouldn’t” Tom didn’t even wanna think about it, having another hand on your neck, hearing you moan someone else’s name, opening your legs for someone else.

“Might wanna check her profile” Harrison shrugs, Tom nods and checks it, clicking on your story and finding you say “hallelujah” while your laying on someone, a chest. You soon flip the camera “put your legs down!” You slap them, making whoever it is chuckle, you zoom in on Jesus and end up getting caught, your phone drops as the story ends.

“Your fucked” Harry laughed “shut up!” Tom said, throwing the bottle cap at him.

“No this didn’t happen, I don’t believe it” you hide in tyes chest while everyone laughs at you “stopppppp!” You whine.

You smiled as you got in your tight dress, orange and spaghetti strapped that shows a bit of your side boob, you wore thigh high black boots, your hair flat ironed again, inches inches inches, lace front, lace front, lace front, Self love yeah? You put on your dangle earrings, lipgloss eyelashes just lookin so pretty.

“You ready?” Ray asked, coming in with his loose oversized shirt and jean shorts, converse, he looked good of course but never over top, it isn’t his thing. Tye on the other hand came with a black loose unbuttoned loose shirt and black dress pants, a new pair a j’s wouldn’t hurt anybody right?

Imani didn’t like dressing up so she came with a yellow ripped crop top and black cargos with some combat boots everyone’s hair done.

No drinking and driving, you all had money of course and you were planning on just taking care of yourself, so when you got there you just went to the bar.

Of course a lot of eyes were on you, all races all genders, but you could care less. “One shot of-“ “a Shirley temple, get this fine young lady a Shirley temple” Tye said, “we don’t need you losing your mind in here, y/n” “whatever but yes please”

“Of course gorgeous” the waiter winked at you. “Ooo” Tye said making you slap his arm “where is Imani and ray?” You asked Tye, he only pointed at the dance floor, the shoes helping both of them dance better.

“You should dance” “you and I both know I look like I’m getting electrocuted” he laughed as you got your drink, taking the straw and sipping it. “Can’t we like get a table or something?” You asked, Tye nodding and asking you to step forward, a gentle hand behind your back trying to keep the drunkies away.

About an hour in is when Imani started to party “IMANIS A LESBIAN?” you shouted, only enough for you, ray, and the to hear as they eye her on the dance floor. “Aw shit, here we go again” “private story activated” Imani just making out with the girl non stop.

“Oh fuck- we need to save her!” You say, watching as they giggle and record her. “Let her have her fun, she will just wake up in another girls bed and be happy” “she looks like she has an std” “how?” “She’s way to pretty” you laugh at tye “AH- HAIR PULLING? OH MY” “BAHAHAHA” you all scream laughing, Imani must of pulled to tight because that lace came off, as Imani pulled away and looked at her her eyes got bigger, she slowly lifted the lace compared to her head, “oh my fuckin god she’s gonna do it” “no she isn’t” “yes, yes she is” she ran off.

The lace in the air as she disappeared like a magician “OH MY FUCKING GOD” Tye posted it, you instantly took out your phone, biting your lip and seeing the missed calls, but ignoring it and opening Instagram, finding tyes private story and posting the post on your own.

“That’s sad, I feel bad for the girl” ray said, holding in his laughs as he looked at the and started cracking up. “We should’ve saved her-“ you got caught by heavy breathing “what the hell happened?” “Sis, you drunk forreal” you only shook your head “yo hair is lookin mad frizzy, let’s go sneak somewhere” you say getting up. “Look at y/n, sober but crazy” “shut the fuck up” you leaded them into this little space where the hallway is, not supposed to be there but fuck it. You found an iron “let’s get you back on track” you say, plugging in the iron “girl no” “it’s going to help” “that is hella ghetto” “you hair is lookin hella ghetto” as it got done heating up she took out her phone “look at her” “I’m making your hair look good, the fuck you expect? Hermiones bag so I can pull out a flat iron?” You picked up the iron and took her hair making the part straight first before pressing down. “Why y’all laughing?” You say looking at Tye and ray giggling in the background “you hookin her up that’s- that’s a good friend” and just like that, POW, her lace was lookin fresh.

“Now that we are here should we take some pictures?” Tye asked, everyone nodding as you set up your phone against the wall, everyone posing, you squatting, ray laying across all of you infront, imanis tongue out and Tye throwing up the finger, it went on for a while so the laughs were covered by the bodyguard walking in. “ Oop” “RUN!” Ray yelled, how the hell is you finna run in heels? Ray the fastest, Tye behind, Imani after him and you trying not to roll your ankles. “Get back here!” You don’t even now how but you made it infront of everyone, leaving them eating your dirt as you went to the exit “HURRY UP!” you yell “WE ARE FUCKIN TRYING! HOW THE HELL YOU RUNNIN?” Tye yelled, you opened the door everyone running out and you know behind them, the big ass guard almost catching you but you locked and shut the door, giving blowjobs did give you some extra skills.

You all ran to the car, hot and sweaty “I GOT IT ON RECORDD” Imani yelled making you all laugh. “You a real dumbass” you said, ray starting the car as everyone’s breath was heavy. You pulled out your phone on live, a lot of people entering “bitch we made it out!” “Sure did!” You switched the phone to behind the camera revealing ray and Tye in the front seat. “It was a crazy ass night” “I’m ready to take a fat ass nap” Tye joked. “Shit forreal, my piggies is killin me” you say giving your phone to Imani as you took off your heels. “Hold up- look at this” she said, putting her phone under yours showing your fans all y’all runnin and the big ass bodyguard getting dusted.

You sighed as you laid on your bed, already missing the night and taking off your dress after posting the pictures, which had the bodyguard in the back.

Buzz buzz

You saw the caller ID and huffed, rolling your eyes and leaving you in only your panties.

“She still won’t answer” Tom sighed. “Well did you expect her to? She just ran away from a bloody bodyguard she might be tired” haz said making a point. Tom only nodded his head looking at your recent pictures from the past few days, big pearly whites everywhere, ass boobs everywhere, just you everywhere. “Fuck it, I’ve called her and called her, I’m going over” “go ahead we aren’t stopping you” Harry shrugged “it might just be the best option” Sam nodded.

You turned on Cartoon Network but adult swim was playing, Robot chicken which actually scared the shit out of you. You heard a knock on the door, you mentally screamed and got up, going to your door but covering your boobs before answering the door.

“How did you find me” “I guess you could say your friends miss us together” Tom simply said, now looking down at your figure “is someone in here?!” He asked, voice slightly raised. “No thomas, come in!” You snatch him by his arm, he steps in and you close the door, not holding your boobs anymore you go to your room.

He follows you in your room, watching you as you put almost shirt. “You looked good tonight” “you were watching me huh?” He only walked up behind you taking the back of your neck and bending you over on the bed , pressing his self on you and reaching over to whisper in your ear “I guess” he pressed kisses to your neck, soft delicate ones as the coldness of his ring digging in your colored skin.

“Thomas what do you want?” You ask, clearly annoyed. His movements stuttered as he just sat on the bed, you stood back up straight and put on your shirt to sit next to him. He looks at you then down at the hardwood floor “I miss you” “and that was your way of showing me? You miss me or my body?” “I miss all of it” you put your legs up to your chest. “Really?”

“Yeah” he nods, turning to you “can I?” He asked and you nodded, he pulled you into a hug. “I love you and I was worried about you honestly, I have no idea what happened to me that night, I guess I was trying to hide me being vunrable” he whispered, your head on his shoulder as he speaked to you.

“Well I was just hungry ya know” you chuckle, making him let out a distant laugh. “I-yeah, it was a good chocolate” “you ate it?” “Yes I did” you both laugh. “But I seriously want to apologize, I don’t own you and you don’t deserve to be treated that way, at all. I love you, y/n” he whispered, taking your hand and playing with your fingers.

“I love you too” you look at him and he smiles, kissing your forehead to your nose and down to your lips. “Can we-“ “I’m tired, can we just lay down?” “Of course darling”. He helped you get rid of your makeup and you both laced down, both of you only on your underwear and your tops exposed, skin to skin as you both just admired each other, taking in each other’s scent and pressing kisses randomly as the tv ran in the livingroom.

#tom holland x reader #tom holland x black!reader #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland blurb #tom holland imagine #JBwrites

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steves-on-a-plane · 5 years

Text

Missed Connections

Avengers Endgame Challenge Words: 1912 Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader Requested by: Anon Prompt: Steve Rogers & #21: “Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same.”

The first time you bumped into Steve Rogers you did just that, bumped into him. You were carrying an overflowing basket of laundry to the basement of your apartment building, so that it could be washed. When out of nowhere someone else came charging up the stairs. The two of you collided causing the basket to fall and your clothing to tumble downward. You would have rolled down the stairs yourself if a strong pair of hands hadn’t braced your fall.

“I’m so sorry ma’am.” The owner of the hands apologized immediately. Bewildered, you looked upwards at your attacker. He was not what you expected at all. Standing probably six feet tall and decorated in muscles the man looked down at you with his ice blue eyes. His eyebrows were drawn together with concern. “Are you alright? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No.” You groaned at last. “Not unless you count my dignity.” You added, looking at your dirty shirts, socks and underwear that had been spilled down the flights below. The man followed your gaze and his cheeks flushed.

“I’m so sorry!” He apologized. “Here let me help you.” He jogged down and collected your now empty laundry basket. He started collecting safe items like pants or shirts and tossing them into the basket.

“No, no.” You began gathering any clothing items near you, working your way towards the stranger. “I’ll get them, just hold the basket.” He stopped reaching for a nearby pair of shorts at your order and instead held the basket out to you.

“What were you doing running up the steps anyway?” You demanded.

“Cardio.” He admitted, almost embarrassed.

“Ever heard of the gym?” You huffed.

“Yes ma’am. Problem is I’m new to the area. I just moved in last week. Third floor.” He explained pointing up the stairs.

“That’s no good.” You shook your head. “I live on the third floor.” By now you’d collected the last of the laundry and deposited it into the basket. “[Y/N] [Y/L/N], 3C.” You offered out a hand for him to shake.

“I’m right across the hall from you.” He smiled. “3A, Steve Rogers. I’d shake your hand but…” He indicated the full basket in his hands.

“Here, let me take that.” You attempted to unload the basket from Steve’s arms but he waved you off.

“Please, it’s the least I can do.” He insisted. “Besides, what kind of a man would I be if I let a gal carry her laundry and the way to the basement when she can barely see over the top of it?”

“Well you should ask my boyfriend if you ever see him.” You shrugged. “He’s upstairs sleeping.”

“Sleeping? It’s two PM on a Wednesday.” Steve pointed out.

“Well that’s Nick for ya.” You sighed. “It’s 2011 and chivalry is dead.”

“Not for everyone, Ma’am.” Steve disagreed. You’d reached the basement now and he placed your laundry basket on top of a vacant washing machine.

“I guess not.” You said, recognizing the fact that he’d very kindly carried your laundry for you. “Thanks for the help. It was nice to meet you, Steve.”

“It was no trouble.” He insisted with a smile. “Well, I suppose I’ll leave you to your chores, but I’ll see you around, [Y/N].”

“See you around.” You agreed.

At the time you really thought that you’d see Steve again. After all he only lived across the hall. As it turned out your new neighbor was rather elusive. He was an early riser. You knew this because he was almost always gone before you left for work at eight AM every day. You would catch a glimpse of him here or there on the weekends but being your only days off you needed that time to run errands.

As fate would have it you wouldn’t live in that apartment building much longer anyway. You started to realize, after that initial meeting with Steve, just how lazy your boyfriend Nick was. Not only was he lazy but he was a total slob. He worked a part time job, which normally wouldn’t bother you except for the fact that he didn’t contribute anything to your living together. He flat out refused to cook, clean or contribute financially in any way.

When you broached the subject of Nick’s laziness it unsurprisingly didn’t go well. So you packed your things and moved to a new apartment across town. While you packed the last of the boxes into your car, you couldn’t help but wonder about the kind man across the hall who’d once seen your dirty laundry scattered down the main staircase.

Two years passed and you all but forgot about your former Neighbor. You were doing well. You were single but you didn’t mind. You were taking time to get to know yourself again. Plus, your hectic work schedule didn’t exactly leave a lot of time for dating.

“Ah.” You sighed with satisfaction as you sipped your tea from a travel mug. You were visiting Washington D.C. for the week on a business trip, but you were taking advantage of some down time to see the sights. It was a crisp fall day. There was a slight breeze twisting through the air, but the temperature was mild. It was the kind of morning that poets wrote about, until a certain super solider ruined it.

You’d been strolling around near the reflection pond, taking in the nation’s capital, when you were suddenly alerted to the sound of shoes aggressively slamming against the pavement. You turned wildly trying to identify the source of the noise. You found it. Two men, charging close to you at a dangerously fast pace.

“On your left!” One of them called out to you, but it was too late. One of the runners collided with you, knocking you off your feet. You fell to the ground hard and the oxygen was forcibly exhaled from your lungs. You laid quietly on the ground, saturated in warm tea, trying to catch your breath.

“Hello, 911, I’d like to report a murder.” One of the runners joked.

“Knock it off, Sam!” The man who bumped into you insisted. “She could be seriously injured.” He crouched down beside you. “Miss are you alright?” A few seconds had passed, and you were almost able to breath normally, so you turned your head in his direction.

“You look familiar.” You said with certainty.

“You know, so you do. I’m sorry I can’t place the face.” He apologized. The man helped you sit up. “I’m Steve.” He supplied.

“Steve?” You repeated. The suddenly it clicked. “Steve Rogers?”

“Yeah.” He smirked. “That’d be me. Any chance you remember how we know each other?”

“Sure.” You nodded. Steve and Sam helped you to your feet. “We met a few years ago. You lived across the hall from me and my boyfriend at the time. [Y/N] [Y/L/N], apartment 3C.”

“Oh yeah!” He nodded, now also remembering. “It was right after I’d come out of the ice.”

“The ice?” You remarked with concern.

“Wait, you don’t know who he is?” Sam seemed surprise. “Shoot I thought everyone did after what happened in New York.”

“It never really came up.” Steve explained, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

“He’s just being modest!” Sam insisted. “This man right here is Captain America! You might have heard of a little thing called the battle of New York.”

“Captain America, like The Avengers, Captain America?” You asked. Steve didn’t say anything, but you got your answer as a sleek dark car pulled up to the curb a few feet away. An intimidating redhead stepped out of the vehicle, calling out to your group as she did so.

“Hey, can any of you point in me the direction of the Smithsonian? I’m here to pick up a fossil.” She smirked.

“Ha ha, very funny.” Steve rolled his eyes. “[Y/N] it was nice to see you again. Sam, I’ll catch you later.” Steve said his goodbyes before getting into the car with the red head.

“Tell me you have his number.” Sam said, now that the two of you were alone.

“Uh, no.” You confessed. “We only met the one time, so…”

“So nothing! Where’s your cellphone?” He demanded. You nervously fished your phone out of your pocket as Sam insisted that you add Steve Rogers to your contacts. You were glad to see that Steve had upgraded his cardio routine from running up and down his apartment building stairs, to at least running outside. And as much as you wanted to know what he was doing in Washington D.C., you decided against calling him. It didn’t seem right since Sam was technically the one who’d given you his phone number.

The third time you bumped into Steve was a summer afternoon. You’d decided to dig your old roller skates out and give them a whirl in Central Park. You hadn’t worn them since college, so you were slightly surprised that they still fit. Of course, you couldn’t have picked a worse day to dredge them out. It was the first day of good weather in weeks and it felt like all of New York was out in the park that day. For the most part you’d been able to maneuver around the tourist and locals alike, but you couldn’t believe your eyes when you saw two familiar face in the crowd.

“Steve Rogers?” You excitedly skated over to a group of three guys for confirmation, but as you neared Steve, Sam and their friend you began to lose your balance. Luckily someone caught you by the elbows in time to stop you from falling. You looked up at the ever-smiling face of Captain America.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.” He insisted with a smile.

“It is you!” You smiled back. “Sam nice to see you again.” You nodded at the man you’d met on your chance encounter in D.C.

“[Y/N]!” Sam surprised you by remembering your name. “Have you met metal man yet?” He patted his friend on the back. Luckily Steve was kind enough to give you a proper introduction.

“[Y/N], this is Bucky.” He said. “Buck this is, [Y/N]. The gal I keep telling you about.”

“So, you’re Rogers’ mystery woman. I was convinced that you didn’t exist.” Bucky chuckled. “I’m honored to finally meet you. Now, please, do Wilson and I a favor and take this guy on a date will ya?”

This time Bucky was patting Steve on the back. At the mention of a date you and Steve were suddenly acutely aware that he was still holding you by the elbows. You separated immediately, both of your faces flushing red.

“Destiny does seem to have a way of pulling us back together.” You said.

“Dread it, run from it. Destiny arrived all the same.” Steve agreed. “We were about to have lunch, would you like to join us?”

“Well, I mean I wouldn’t want to intrude…”

“You know, Cap. I just remembered Bucky and I have that thing we have to get going to.” Sam chimed in.

“What…Oh right. The thing.” Bucky nodded. “Yeah, we’ll catch you later, Rogers. Nice to meet you, [Y/N].”

“Your friends are very subtle.” You laughed as Sam and Bucky walked away.

“Yeah, it’s not one of their finer skill sets.” He supposed. “But the lunch invitation still stands. I think it’s about time we get to know each other better.”

*Please feel free to play along and send me some Endgame Challenge Requests!*

#Steve Rogers #Steve Rogers x Reader #Steve Rogers Reader Insert #Steve Rogers FF #Steve Rogers Fan Fic #Steve Rogers Fan Fiction #Avengers Endgame Challenge #Request

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thunderaesir · 5 years

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This is as it states above, an Endgame rewrite. While I’m not editing the events of the movie, I am adjusted how my character was portrayed and how he was treated, especially by other characters in universe. If I change something and you do not agree with it, we can discuss it, but I feel like my changes are minimal and may in fact be more in character than the way these characters were portrayed in the movie. If I don’t mention any changes to a specific part of the movie, expect that it remains movie canon.

I could go on and on about how badly Thor was treated, how ooc some of the characters were as a whole and how they fridged yet another female character while intending to continue profiting off her by giving her a solo movie, all the while knowing that she ultimately dies for some bizarre redemption arc that she didn’t even need because they couldn’t be bothered to give her a real personality in the first place and instead forced upon her numerous situations which made zero fucking sense. (Shout out the to the Nat writers who actually give her depth and expand on her history and personality and make her a three dimensional character. That is what we deserved in a female hero.) But I won’t. I will try and keep this short. (Update: I tried but it’s not short.)

Let me make this very clear: I have NO issue with Thor being fat. My version of Thor did let himself go too, if only to a lesser extent. Being fat has nothing to do with your value and worth as a person and fat people deserve as much love and respect as ‘not fat’ people. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? Thor got fat. He was not treated with respect. He was turned into a joke and reduced to a punchline. His pain was ignored, his right to express and work through his trauma was ignored, and according to canon, even Bruce, who Thor had just found and liberated from two years stuck on Sakaar as the Hulk, didn’t even bother reaching out to see if his friend was ok. Spoilers: he was not.

I know the Avengers aren’t as close as in the comics. I know that. It’s something we were robbed of and we will always have deserved better than seeing them hangout like twice. But they were a team. They were friends. They respected one another and they did in fact grow together after New York. Even though they didn’t spend all their time together, we are led to believe that they have a bond. If we accept that, moving forward, then like…what the fuck????

There were red flags before he killed Thanos, and uh the fact that he seemed ‘fine’ after killing Thanos, knowing they had all failed, is one of the biggest fucking red flags of them all. I assume Thor immediately dove head first into getting his people settled, but I’m more than certain that his self isolation, his guilt and his rage manifested long before anyone found him playing video games and shotgunning a can of beer. This is one of the changes I’m making for my Thor. Thor also DID NOT abandon his people so he could play video games. After killing Thanos, his goal was to help what remained of his people. He likely maintained some facade of normalcy when dealing with the things that such a task entailed, like interacting with other people and being King, but his suffering was already evident to those around him, (ie. Valkyrie and yes, probably even Bruce.)

Was he in the best mindset? No. Did he isolate himself and push people away? Yes. But at least at first, he did try and be a good leader. It got worse as time went on and eventually Valkyrie had to step in but he really did try his best. He probably turned to video games later when Korg was able to convince him to have some “human” contact. Where were his friends, in the movie? Everyone was dealing with the Snap in their own way, but even Bruce was off finding himself, living his best life while the man who was supposed to be his friend was losing himself in grief and alcohol and carbs.

The idea that like he said “go away” and everyone was like OKAY BYE for five years doesn’t jive with me. For the most part I have it that at the very least, Bruce actively made the effort to spend time with Thor and his people in their new home. Could he fix Thor or necessarily stop his behaviour? No. But he wasn’t just gonna leave him. Same with Val. We don’t know how hard she tried to get through to him but I like to think she would have reached out to SOMEONE when Thor’s drinking got out of control and he started idk neglecting everyone and everything else. I’m not saying everyone should have dropped everything to be involved with Thor. I understand they had lives, and they had to keep living them, while dealing with their own feelings. But you’re telling me Natasha, head of the remaining Avengers, never checked in on Thor? Didn’t keep tabs on him? You’re telling me Steve Rogers never swung by? Never picked up the phone? I mean, Thor wasn’t exactly hiding off the grid, guys. The movie isolated Thor and made it seem like no one cared about him, but I don’t think that’s true.

The rest of the movie basically plays out the way we see it. I also think Thor would have tried to warn his mother about what happened, but since it was implied that Freya already knew what was coming, it wouldn’t have helped. I just can’t see him seeing his dead mother for the first time since she died and not trying to do something to help. As for still being worthy, this was one of the only redeeming Thor related moments. Yes,Thor was fat. Yes, Thor was an alcoholic.Yes, Thor had failed to save Loki and Heimdall. Yes, he had been struggling for five years with the ptsd and the survivors guilt. But he was still worthy. Despite everything the writers of these movies took from him, Thor remained as worthy as he ever had been. At the end of the movie, when he hands rule over to Valkyrie, it is because while he found himself in The Dark World, and figured out who he wanted to be and what his place was, by the end of the Infinity War arc, Thor is lost again. He needs time to remember who he is, to heal. That’s what he’s going off to do. He’s not abandoning his people, YET AGAIN.

This rewrite is just to underscore that Thor is not a fucking joke. He suffered, and still does suffer, post Endgame. But he wasn’t some lazy slob who didn’t try, and his so called friends didn’t abandon him in his time of need.

#( if he be worthy | about thor. )#( fortunately i am mighty | headcanons. )

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jenatwork · 6 years

Text

So this started out in my head as a vaguely serious fic about Kouda’s parents and their expectations of his hero work versus the reality of being a hero in the city. But then I had some wine, and suddenly the idea of asshole housemates seemed like the funniest thing ever.

Dear Mom and Dad,

The letter was long overdue. He’d have preferred to e-mail, but his parents weren’t so great with technology. Grandpa was the only one who used the internet much, and that was mostly so he could watch the horse races that didn’t get broadcast on TV. Phone signal was never reliable out on the farm, and text messages could take hours to get through some days. Phone calls had a habit of cutting out, and that was assuming Kouda was feeling up to talking for that long.

So, letters had to do.

Kouda had a make-shift desk in his room, an old dining table shoved against the wall under the window, with cardboard box files stacked up at one end for any paperwork he took home. A desk lamp would use too much electricity and they were trying to keep the bills low, so sitting by the window meant he could make the most of the daylight.

Chewing on the end of his pen, Kouda thought back over the past month, trying to decide where to start his letter.

It’s been six whole weeks since I started as a support hero! Graduation feels like ages ago - so much has happened since then.

Shouji was the only one who’d fully inspected the share-house before they signed the contract. He’d shared pictures with the rest of them and told them it was fine. They should have known better than to trust Shouji ‘furniture is for the weak’ Mezuo.

“Out of five rooms, only one has a bed. Shouji, you said it was furnished!” Ojiro thumped down the last few stairs as Shouji and Sato brought in yet more boxes labelled ‘kitchen’. Shouji opened his box, while Sato left the room again.

“Don’t you all have futons?”

“Yes, we have futons. We also have aches and pains from fighting people on a near-daily basis and I, for one, would like to come home at the end of the day and collapse on to a beautifully supportive orthopaedic mattress.”

“I will fight you all for the bed.” Tokoyami added another box to the kitchen pile. “One by one or all at once, it doesn’t matter.”

“Tokoyami, you fell asleep on a pile of laundry once. You don’t need the bed.”

“Dark Shadow needs the bed.”

“Is Dark Shadow paying rent?”

“Dark Shadow has no comprehension of financial matters.”

“Then Dark Shadow doesn’t get a bed.”

While the three of them bickered, Kouda quietly took one of his boxes up the stairs, checking each room one by one. He found the bed on the third floor. Unfortunately, Sato had found it first.

“Uh...Dibs?”

Kouda took his box down to the floor below. Sato might have the bed, but he also had three flights of stairs to climb at the end of each day. He claimed a room, then went back down to the kitchen, where Shouji was apologising for the shortage of dining chairs.

“We could buy another chair. How much do dining chairs cost?”

Kouda rapped a fist on the doorframe to get their attention. He pointed upstairs, and signed Sato’s name.

“If Sato has the bed, he doesn’t get a chair,” Tokoyami announced. The other two looked at each other, and shrugged.

“Problem solved.”

Adjusting to life out of the dorms was strange at first, but we’re getting used to it. Doing our own cooking, cleaning and laundry - we’re all helping each other out and learning from each other.

“Tokoyami, why is my hero costume grey?” Ojiro held up his gi, still slightly damp.

“That could be a good look for you.”

“Why is your black T-shirt in the machine with my white uniform?”

“It was dirty. You didn’t have a full load.”

“You can’t mix dark clothes with white clothes in the washing machine!”.

“Is that so? I’ve never had a problem mixing my clothes in the wash.”

“All your clothes are darks!”

Living in a share-house means we share our meals, and it’s good to cook and eat together after a hard day’s work.

Shouji opened the cupboard door. The same cupboard he’d already checked three times.

“Sato, can you google ‘how to split one pack of ramen between five people’?”

“We just did grocery shopping two days ago!”

Kouda was busy measuring rice into the cooker. He tapped Sato’s shoulder and held up three fingers.

“Okay, so three servings of rice and a pack of ramen. That should cover all of us. What about meat? There should be some diced chicken in the fridge.”

Tokoyami appeared in the doorway, a juicebox in one hand.

“There’s no chicken left.”

“Tokoyami, you’re literally the smallest out of all of us, so how come you can eat more than any of us?” “I’m eating for two.”

Dark Shadow hovered over his shoulder, and stage-whispered in his ear. “Chicken?”

“No chicken.”

Shouji checked his pockets and pulled out a handful of coins.

“Sato, how much meat can we get for this much?”

Sato counted the coins.

“Two portions of chicken nuggets?”

Kouda checked his own pockets, and dropped some coins into Shouji’s hand.

“Three portions.”

“CHICKEN!”

“Dark Shadow, behave.”

Working as a support hero keeps me busy, but I’m meeting lots of new and interesting people. Last week I helped some other heroes to save a girl from a kidnapping, and her family were really nice to me afterwards.

Kouda was breathing heavily when he finally got back home, and he took a moment to lean against the inside of the door. Ojiro stepped into the hallway, in the middle of drying a pan with a tea-towel.

“Nakamura-san again?”

Kouda nodded, before bending down to unfasten his shoes.

“Kouda, I keep telling you to just take a different route home.”

Kouda made a series of gestures, while rolling his eyes.

“You did? So how’d she find you?”

He pointed over his shoulder.

“She was outside the house?” He nodded. “Oh, man, that’s rough. Is she still there?” He shrugged. Ojiro put down the pan he was drying, and called the other three housemates into the kitchen.

“Nakamura-san is still hassling Kouda. She found out where he lives.”

“Where we all live,” Sato countered, as Shouji threw up all six hands in frustration. “She makes me nervous.”

“Can we call the bar and make a complaint?” Shouji looked to Kouda, who shook his head.

“We already tried that,” Ojiro explained. “Since she’s not doing anything while she’s working for them, they said there’s nothing we can do. Kouda, if your agency tries to send you on any more jobs in the red light district, you have to say no! I don’t care how many rats and roaches there are for you to work with - you’re under-age! You shouldn’t be seeing the stuff that goes on in those bars.”

“I have an idea,” Tokoyami said. “But you won’t like it.”

They all looked at Kouda, who considered for a moment, then gestured for Tokoyami to explain.

“If she’s taken to following Kouda home, then we could invite someone else over to walk home with him.”

“Tokoyami, Kouda doesn’t need anyone to fight for him. And Nakamura-san isn’t violent, she’s just...affectionate.”

“Aggressively affectionate,” Shouji corrected.

“So we invite someone even worse.”

Three chairs scraped back from the kitchen table. Sato was already standing, so he couldn’t do the same, but he stepped back all the same.

“Nope.” “No, it’s not worth it.”

“But he would - “

“Tokoyami, we are not inviting Mineta into this house.” Ojiro’s tail twitched as he spoke. “Kouda, we’ll all go to the bar with you, when Nakamura-san is working, and we’ll have a talk with her. Explain to her that saving her from that gang was just part of your job, and that she’s a very nice lady but you just don’t see her that way.”

“And if that doesn’t work?”

Ojiro took a deep breath, considering their options.

“Then we have to move.”

I’ve seen all sorts of new places all over the city. Every day is an adventure!

“Kouda, we’re definitely lost. No, don’t shake your head at me - look! Look at the little blue dot on the map. The dot is moving away from our apartment. That’s us, we’re the little blue dot. We are heading in the wrong direction. What do you mean, it loops around? The train does not loop. Trains go in straight lines, and this line is pointing the wrong way. Why did you pick this route? A cat? A cat told you which train to catch. Does the cat know how to use Google Maps? Because I do, and Google Maps says we’re heading in the wrong dir - what are you doing? Leave my phone alone! Why are you spinning the map? Don’t - wait, you can do that? So we’re heading east, not - Oh my god, Kouda, you have blown my mind, I did not know you could rotate the map like that! I am so sorry, I shouldn’t have - wait, was that our stop? That was our stop! We missed -”

I miss you both, and grandpa. I know you said you’d visit, but you really don’t have to - it’s a long trip and the trains aren’t cheap, and besides, I can come home and visit you soon.

“This place is like a pig-sty! When was the last time anyone mopped this floor?” Ojiro had broken out into a sweat. Kouda felt tired just watching him. “Guys, my parents are going to be here in less than two hours, why are there still cobwebs up there? Kouda, I thought you told the spiders to stay away!”

Tokoyami looked up from his seat on the kitchen counter, where he was flipping through a magazine.

“Kouda says the spiders have unionised and are threatening to stop catching flies if we remove their webs.”

Ojiro swept past him, his tail ‘accidentally’ knocking Tokoyami’s magazine out of his hands.

“Maybe if you cleaned the dirty dishes in your room, there wouldn’t be any flies in the first place.”

“Dark Shadow likes the ambience.”

“Dark Shadow’s a lazy slob.”

“Yes, he and I have had words about that.”

Ojiro shoved the broom into Tokoyamis’ hands.

“Sweep. Like your life depends on it. Because it does.”

In the doorway, Shouji wiped a feather duster over the lintel.

“Ojiro, the place is clean enough. And your parents are hardly going to inspect everyone’s bedrooms.”

“Yeah, that’s what they want you to think.” Having delegated the sweeping, Ojiro switched to spraying the kitchen surfaces with spray-cleaner. “But my father would find dust in an operating theatre, and and threaten to cut off the surgeon’s allowance for it.”

“You don’t have an allowance.”

“He’ll find something to cut off.”

“See, this is why I don’t invite my parents to visit.”

Kouda interrupted them all with a powerful sneeze. They all turned, startled, as he succumbed to a second, then a third.

“Too much dust?” Shouji asked. He nodded. “You should go upstairs out of the way.”

As he climbed the stairs, he heard Ojiro scolding Tokoyami once more.

“See? That’s how much dust has built up. You made Kouda sick.”

“I would never!”

“You would and you did. Clean, birdman, or I’m going to let my mother see your room.”

“Betrayal!”

But no matter how strange and new it all is, and no matter how far I am from home, I have my friends with me. I don’t know what I’d do without them.

The only light in Kouda’s room came from the streetlamp right outside his window. Downstairs, he could hear Sato rattling around in the kitchen, cleaning up his latest kitchen experiment. From the room across the hall, came the sound of Ojiro banging on the floorboards, annoyed by the sound of Sato cleaning up his latest kitchen experiment. From the room next to Kouda’s, Shouji’s meditation music filtered through the walls, as Shouji tried to drown out the sound of Sato cleaning up and Ojiro banging on the floorboards.

His futon was spread out at the very edge of his room, and he sat up, a pile of cushions between him and the wall. Tokoyami lay beside him, his head in Kouda’s lap.

“You lived underneath Shouji in the dorms in first year. Did he play his music so loud back then?”

“Thicker walls,” Kouda whispered. His fingers stroked slowly over the black fluff at the nape of Tokoyami’s neck.

“At least I’m not due at work until tomorrow afternoon.” Tokoyami stretched, and turned so that he could look up at Kouda. “How about you?”

“Morning shift.”

“That’s rough.”

They sat a while longer, as Ojiro left his room and went to knock on Shouji’s door to complain about the music.

“There is a way we could drown out the noise,” Tokoyami said, reaching out for Kouda’s free hand.

Kouda looked at him, waiting for an explanation.

“Really loud sex.”

Their laughter brought footsteps to Kouda’s door. They apologised profusely to Ojiro, promising they would try to go to sleep as soon as they could.

I miss you all, and I’ll try to write more frequently.

Love,

Kouji

#bnha #bnha fic #background boys #kouda kouji #tokoyami fumikage #shouji mezou #ojiro mashirao #sato rikido

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jennsepticeye · 5 years

Text

Hi, yes, let's talk about how ADHD stigmas and what they actually mean from an actual ADHD person.

Hi, I'm Jenn, I'm 18 and I was diagnosed when I was 14 and have been taking Methylphenidate to help me function like a normal human being for 4 years.

There's a whole alphabet of abbreviations in here, so have a key

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

ADD Attention Deficit Disorder

SPD Sensory Processing Disorder

ASD Autism Spectrum Disorder

RSD Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria

ASMR Autonomous Sensory-Motor Response

ADHD and ADD effect everyone differently. Everyone. And it's really important to understand that because comments like "well you don't look ADHD" or "but you're so calm" can be really damaging to people struggling with it. It can be invalidating and trivializes how hard living with ADD really is.

Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD, is relatively common among kids and adults with Attention Deficit Disorders. This is basically when someone perceives an interaction negatively even though it might not be. If internalized, it can cause major depression and can be misdiagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar disorder. If externalities, it can appear as an anger disorder. Kids and adults with RSD are ultra sensitive to rejection, more so than non ADHD people. So if someone you know has ADHD it is important to make them feel wanted and be aware that externalized reactions are not ones they really have control over.

ADHD is not a childhood disorder. My brother is nearly 30 and still struggling with symptoms. Some children do grow out of it, and most do not.

ADHD people are not lazy. We're not. Not inherently anyway. If you're someone without ADHD I imagine it's hard to comprehend the complete lack of motivation that comes with such a disorder. I want to have good grades, and I want to get my homework done, but I am so easily distracted that tasks which take a neurotypical person 20 minutes will take me upwards of an hour. My brain is a constant cycle of "I'll do it later." I have a hard time prioritizing what needs to be done vs what I want to do. I could do my homework but I would rather read or write.

There are some overlapping symptoms between ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). I struggle with one of those symptoms, sensory processing disorder. Basically what that means is sometimes I get sensory overloads due to environmental factors that can lead to anxiety like attacks. There are also some sounds, textures, sights, tastes, and smells that absolutely do not agree with me. Velvet lined clothes are an absolute no go because the feel of velvet on my skin is liable to cause a sensory attack, scrambled eggs are the same way, and those phone dog whistles. Be mindful of people with SPD around you, and what triggers them.

Typically when you think ADHD you picture a kid with no filter running around the room, a trouble maker who can't sit still. And when you think stim, you either think ASMR or the ASD kid who yells all the time. There are lots of different types of stims and it's important for these kids to stim because it helps them function. Verbal stims are called echolalia. Kids who stim this way often seem obnoxious or unintelligent. They usually repeat something often, a quote or just noises. This is generally the least socially acceptable stim. But these kids aren't dumb, or unintelligent. They repeat those phrases as a way to maintain focus. If this is a stim that distracts or disturbs you, then be kind about it. Offer the person a place to work where they won't distract others, but can stim as they please.

Another stim is oral stims. These people usually chew on things, be it fingernails, coat sleeves, pencils or gum. There are several types of stim "toys" for this purpose. Rubber necklaces that prevent tooth damage while limiting and self destructiveness, like fingernail biting. Baby teething rings are a favorite of mine because they hold up well.

Tactile stims are the ones most commonly labeled toys. I know that fidget spinners now have a bad rap, but they were originally designed for people with attention disorders to stim with. But There are also other toys such as Tangles, Fidget Cubes, Spinner Rings and maze bracelets. If these appear in say, your classroom, don't rush to confiscate them unless they are more of a distraction to the students that a beneficial tool.

Tactile stimmers may also make repetitive motions that seem abnormal for neurotypicals, almost like Tourette's in nature. For instance, I clap the sides of my feet together or rub or punch my collar bone. You should only try to stop this behavior if it's self-destructive, because this is a stim that is helping that person focus

Auditory stims. I know we've all seen that person who needs music to focus, or someone who prefers silence. It can be problematic for some ADHD kids who need music to focus because in my experience I am easily distracted into singing along with the lyrics. Video game music is often composed specifically to boost concentration and I've found that movie soundtracks are a good option as well. If you're a teacher, be mindful of these students' needs.

Now lets talk about why this works. One of the leading theories for ADHD (be mindful that I'm not a doctor) is what I call the Floating Focus theory. As humans evolved we couldn't focus 100% on just one task. If we were picking berries we had to have been mindful of our surrounding to be aware of threats. This lookout side focus is called the "floating focus." In ADHD people the floating focus is overactive, which makes us easily distractable. I once spent an entire hour playing with a sequined pillow because I got distracted from some AP reading. With these stims, our floating focus is occupied on something, so we can't get distracted be something else.

(Bonus fact about floating focus: it's part of the reason some ADHDers seem to have awesome hearing because their floating picks up on conversations in quiet environments. For instance, I could be reading with my door closed and hear one parent say to another "should I call Jenn down to take care of the chickens?" And then I'll get up and head down before they've caked me)

I wanted to put this after the stims because it's not quite the same. Deep Pressure stim is another type. Kids who stim like this may wear compression shirts or weighted clothes, or use a weighted lap pad. I sleep with a 15lb blanket. This is a sub category for tactile stimming, but sometimes a useful tool in bringing someone down from a sensory episode. For instance I sometimes have my sister lay down on top of me and wearing a chest binder is a happy coincidence. They also train service dogs to do the same thing.

ADHD peeps are not always tired. The disorder really fucks with a person's sleeping rhythm, so an ADHD person might have a really hard time sleeping at night because their thoughts are really loud, or because boredom has a wild effect on us. A person with ADHD may have no problem staying up all night but they will be paying for it the next day, which is why they seem lethargic and tired. My sleep schedule is something I'm still working on, but a weighted blanket is often a great tool. (Currently premade ones are super pricey but there are a lot of resources for making your own).

ADHD people aren't slobs. Messy behavior can often be attributed to what's called "visual background-noise." Some ADHD people are messy because they've stopped recognizing the mess, it's just background noise in their visual field. Related to this, ADHD people may seem to know where everything is in their mess, which is often the cause of a reluctance to clean. If they clean then everything will be moved from where it was and they won't know anymore. There is also the reluctance due to lack of motivation.

There seems to be an ongoing commentary that ADHD people can pay attention if they choose to, and this is often said right after someone has done something efficiently. ADHD people can't choose really what they pay attention to. If something is done super efficiently is is often caused by what's called "hyperfixation" or what has previously been called "special interests." These are areas where an ADHD person can focus on a task often better than a neurotypical person. This isn't always good, especially in a case where the itself hyperfixation is bad, is not the assigned task, or if the focus is so strong that a person like me forgets to eat or sleep. You read that right. I honest to god forget to eat. I'll lose track of time and when I check, I'll have been working from 700 to 1500 without stopping.

Meds aren't inherently bad. Like I said I've been taking the off brand equivalent of Ritalin. Methylphenidate. Side effects if ADHD meds include disrupted sleeping pattern, decreased appetite and I sometimes get headaches when they wear off. Last year I lost 10 lbs because of my meds. Meds like Ritalin or Adrerall can also be semi addictive as an ADHD person becomes dependent on their effects. However, if in the right dosage and paired with other non chemical methods, meds can do a lot of good. I am completely nonfunctional in a classroom environment without my meds. This is the case for a lot of people. If you demonize treatments like Aderall then people who need them are less likely to get the help they need. I said at the beginning that everyone is different, this means that the treatments are different for everyone. Do your research and listen to your physician. Don't rush do slander a med because it didn't work for you.

#jennsepticeye #actuallyadhd #actuallymentallyill #actually adhd #learning disabilities #learning disorders #learning difficulties #learning disabled #actaully add #adhd #adhd problems #adhd tag #attention defecit #attention disorder #attention defecit hyperactivity disorder

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pikapeppa · 6 years

Text

Fenris/f!Hawke: The Right Moment

To kick off @dadrunkwriting Friday, I picked two prompts for myself: “How long did you think we could do this?” and “You’re so cute when you’re grumpy.” (The latter is sooOoOOoo Fenris.)

Read on AO3 instead.

**************

“Yes,” Hawke whispered.

Fenris inhaled leisurely. Without opening his eyes, he murmured, “You can’t go on much longer.”

“I can,” she breathed. “Just… give me time… oh fuck.”

A soft clink of coins and a surprised mrow filtered into Fenris’s ears. He cracked open one eye just in time to see the stray cat roll onto its belly on the carpet, shedding the pile of coppers that Hawke had so painstakingly piled on its belly while it was sleeping.

The cat gave Hawke a deeply affronted look, then darted away up the stairs. Fenris smirked and closed his eyes again, then folded his arms behind his head. “How long did you think we could do this?”

“We?” she said archly. “There’s no ‘we’ about it. I made it to thirteen coppers without any help from you, thank you very much.”

“You’re right,” Fenris replied. “I don’t know why I would insert myself into such a foolish affair. This ridiculous excuse for a pastime was entirely your making.”

“Damn right,” she agreed cheerfully. “Now help me catch the cat before Anders gets here.”

“No,” Fenris replied. He flexed his toes; the warmth from the fire in Hawke’s study felt nice against his bare feet.

There was a brief silence, then Hawke tutted loudly. “You unhelpful lazy slob. Remind me why I let you in my house?”

“I can leave if you’d prefer,” he offered lazily.

“No no,” Hawke grumbled. “Make yourself comfortable. Lie there like a lump. See if I care.” She flicked his earlobe as she pushed herself to her feet.

“Ouch,” he mumbled, not bothering to open his eyes as she wandered away. Fenris listened with amusement as she alternately cursed and cajoled the cat, and eventually a peaceful silence fell.

Then something heavy and soft with four little feet landed on his chest.

He grunted with surprise, then opened his eyes and glared up at Hawke as the equally offended cat leapt off of his chest and took refuge on Hawke’s desk chair.

The cheeky mage stared down at him, a smirk on her face and her hands on her hips. Fenris scowled at her for a moment longer, then closed his eyes again. “You’re being particularly obnoxious tonight,” he remarked. “You must be bored.”

“Quite the contrary,” she said, her voice drawing close as she settled herself on the carpet beside him. “I’m vastly entertained by your crabbiness, as always. You’re so cute when you’re grumpy.”

He scowled more deeply. “Small children and nugs are considered cute. I am not cute.”

She chuckled. Her voice was even closer now, as though she was lounging beside him, and a tingle of warm contentment bloomed beneath his skin at her proximity.

“Now you’re just fishing for more compliments,” she said. “Fine, you’re a sexy specimen of a man, is that better?” She poked him in the ribs.

He swatted at her hand, then opened his eyes to look at her sternly. “Don’t.”

She rolled onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow to grin down at him. “Fenris, are you ticklish?”

He frowned at her. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “But I don’t want - Hawke, don’t you dare-” He snatched her wrist as her mischievous finger made its way toward his ribs again.

“Oh my. I bet you are ticklish!” she crowed. But before she could do anything else, Fenris released her wrist and pinched her waist.

She squawked and twisted away from him as he rolled onto his side to face her. “Hey!”

“You might suspect that I’m ticklish, but I know that you are,” he drawled. “Don’t trifle with me.” He swiftly pinched the other side of her waist.

Hawke squeaked and then burst into laughter. She was so ridiculous, a grown woman lying on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest and her dark hair spilling around her head like a chaotic halo while she laughed with utter abandon.

She was so damned lovely, and Fenris just stared at her for a moment with a helpless smile stretching across his face.

“Erm, I can come back later if you’d prefer some privacy…?”

The smile slid off of Fenris’s face at the sound of Anders’s voice. He pushed himself into a sitting position and jerked his chin at Anders in a passable imitation of a greeting.

Hawke, meanwhile, rolled leisurely onto her side to face them and propped her cheek on her fist. “Hello, Anders. No privacy needed. Or you could join us.” She wiggled her eyebrows salaciously and patted the carpet between herself and Fenris.

“No,” Anders and Fenris said, loudly and in tandem.

Hawke threw her head back in a throaty laugh, then lay back on the floor again and waved her hand vaguely toward her desk. “Your new furry friend is there. She’ll be heartbroken that you’re taking her away from Fenris, though. I think she likes him.” She tossed a cheeky smile at Fenris, who rolled his eyes.

“I’m sure she does,” Anders muttered, then hurried over to Hawke’s desk and tenderly lifted the cat. “Come here, sweetheart,” he crooned. “I’ll keep you safe.” He made his way back toward the door with the cat contentedly curled in his arms. “Thank you, Hawke. I’ll take good care of her. See you tomorrow, then?”

“Yep! See you,” she said with a lazy wave.

Anders smiled at her and gave Fenris a stiff nod of farewell, and then Fenris and Hawke were alone again.

She sighed happily, and Fenris slowly settled onto his back as well, his hands resting comfortably on his stomach. He gazed vacantly up at the ceiling in a sort of lazy reverie for a moment.

Then he snapped out his hand and grabbed Hawke’s wrist as she sneakily tried to poke him again. “Don’t. I will make you sorry,” he threatened.

She let out a light and sultry little laugh. “Ooh. Punish me, will you? That’s something I’d like to see.”

He released her wrist and snorted softly. “You’re absurd.”

She sighed happily and crossed her ankles, folding one arm comfortably behind her head. “So I’ve been told. Rynne ‘Absurd’ Hawke, that’s what they call me. I should make it my legal middle name. D’you think the Viscount would sign off on the paperwork?”

“Shut up, Hawke,” Fenris drawled.

She snickered, and they fell quiet again until the only sounds were the crackling of the fire and Toby’s snuffling canine snores from the main room.

Eventually she spoke into the cozy silence. “I’m waiting for your cue. Just so you know.”

His stomach gave a tiny flip of nervous excitement. He turned his head to look at her. Her eyes were closed, her lips curled in a little smile, and she looked utterly relaxed.

“I… appreciate your patience,” he said quietly. “As much as I am surprised by it.”

Her smile widened slightly at his dig, but she didn’t open her eyes. “Give me a bit of credit, Fenris. I can be patient when I try really hard.” She chuckled and stretched her arms leisurely, drawing his errant gaze to the subtle shifting lines of her body, then flopped her arms onto the carpet at her sides. “I like to think of this as foreplay.”

“Hmm,” Fenris murmured pointedly. Hawke grinned broadly at the heated implication in his tone, but she said nothing more, and eventually Fenris closed his eyes as well. But thoughts of Hawke continued to swim behind his eyelids.

Things had remained normal between them since he’d admitted that he wanted to sleep with her, their arguments and flirting continuing with their usual frequency. Fenris was grateful that nothing had changed, but at the same time, he was growing increasingly frustrated by the lack of change.

Frustrated at himself.

Hawke wanted him. He wanted Hawke. Both of them knew it. It should be simple. So why was he hesitating at moving their relationship into something more physical?

Before he’d told Hawke he wanted her, his fantasies of her had been torrid and uninhibited and easy. Now that he’d told her, his sensual imaginings were more heated than before, but somehow more nerve-wracking - probably because they could imminently come to life. But why did the idea of getting naked with Hawke make him feel like he’d be baring something more than just his sullied skin?

He sighed, actively pushing his disquiet aside. There was no rush. Besides, there was something undeniably enjoyable about the rising tension between the two of them. The anticipation, the heightened sense of possibility and his own heightened awareness of her body whenever she was close by: it was… pleasant to feel such happy anticipation for something. He couldn’t remember feeling this kind of eager wanting before.

Fenris felt good. Chasing Hawke in this quiet, subtle way felt fucking good, and feeling good was so novel to him. It was no great hardship to wait for the right time to make his move.

And yet, this moment now, lying in front of the fire with her…

This moment was pretty damned perfect. Hawke’s study was the one place in Kirkwall where Fenris felt the most at ease. And Hawke was stretched out beside him, firelight flickering over her bare legs and shadows highlighting the curves of her body, and her dark wavy hair spread across the carpet…

He inhaled slowly and calmly, suddenly conscious of the closeness of her hand resting between them on the carpet - and his own hand on the carpet as well, a mere finger-length from her own. All he had to do was reach for her. Slide his fingertips over her open palm, twine his fingers between hers, feel the softness of her palm against his own…

Would it be so bad, to make a move now? To hold her hand? To roll closer to her, maybe slide his other hand along the gentle arch of her neck, and then-

“Rynne, love? Can you give me a hand?”

Fenris jerked his hand back to his stomach at the distant sound of Leandra’s voice. Hawke sighed, then pushed herself into a sitting position. “Coming, Mother,” she called, and she trotted out of the room.

Fenris regretfully watched her go, then folded his arms behind his head. So much for the right moment, he thought ruefully. But he wasn’t entirely disappointed.

He’d waited for three years already. He could wait a little longer.

#fenris #fenris fic #fenhawke #fenris/hawke #fenris x hawke #fenris/femhawke #fenris x femhawke #fenris/f!hawke #fenris x f!hawke #the fenris frenzy continues #pikapeppa writes

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ims-monbebe · 7 years

Text

White Sugar.

Author’s note: Ya girlll is back with part 3 of my Kiho fic. I’ve had this done for actually a few weeks but have been too lazy to post it... So here ya go finally to the few that read it! Thank you for being patient.

Warning: Idk if I should do a trigger warning for this chapter b/c something happens (When you read it you’ll know) I personally tried to write it more as a job and task if anything, so I’ll just leave this warning here in case someone needs it so read at your own risk. (This is a shitty trigger warning but I’m trying so hard not to spoil things wow) Okay whatever let’s get to it. This is kind of a short chapter but I hope you enjoy. Feed back is always welcomed :)

Chapter 3: Promise?

Wonho's pov

My eyes flicker open as the sun peeks in front of them. I look around and see that I'm still in Jooheon's loft. I hear the sound of pots and pans clanking and slowly push my body off the couch. I continue to walk forward and find his roommate Changkyun in the kitchen.

"Morning man, rough night?"

I sit down on the table and nod. "You can say something like that."

"What did you guys do?"

"The usual. Club, bottle service."

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it. I had to stay longer at the company last night. Some shit about a meeting."

"It's okay dude don't even worry about it. Jooheon swore you were with some girl you met."

He laughs as he finds the right pot he's been searching for. "My pussy ratio is the same as yours, zero."

I stick out my tongue. "Stop saying pussy, that's a gross word."

"Pussy pussy pussy." He opens the fridge. "Puuuussy."

"Fine! I get it. Gosh Changkyun you're so gross."

He shrugs as he pores himself a glass of orange juice. "Do you want breakfast or not?"

"What are you making?"

He shrugs. "Probably just rice and kimichi... or we can go out and get something."

"That sounds like a better idea." I get up from the table. "I'm gonna go get Jooheon up."

"Okay, hurry his ass up. I'm gonna get dressed real quick."

I run off too Jooheon's room and slowly peek my head inside. I see him sprawled out on the bed snorting quietly. I walk further inside and shake him slightly. "Joohoney 1hunnit..." I laugh slightly. "Lee Jooheon. Joooheooon." I keep shaking him as I start to see his eyes open slightly. He turns his head and sees me and groans.

"What?"

"Want to get breakfast with Changkyun and me?"

"No." He turns on his side. "Goodnight."

"Fine." I begin to walk away. "And it's 1 in the afternoon dumb ass." I see him flip me off as I close the door. I walk back to the living room and see Changkyun fully dressed on the couch tying his shoe laces together

. "What did he say?"

"He's not coming. Just us two."

"Fine with me. Let's go.”

We step outside the loft and walk to the elevator. "What are you in the mood for?" Changkyun asks as he pushes the button to the lobby.

"Hmm. Crepes kind of."

He nods. "I know this good cafe that serves amazing crepes. Some girl I had a one night stand with took me there."

I roll my eyes. "You and Jooheon are the same."

"I don't see what's wrong with it. We don't have girlfriends."

"Don't you want one?"

“Nah." He shakes his head. "Not right now at least. I like living with Jooheon, I don't really want that to change for now."

"What if Jooheon gets a girlfriend?"

His face retorts as the elevator comes to a stop. "Well she better get used to me being there all the time. I'm not moving out."

"You're lowkey gay for him."

"Go fuck yourself Hoseok."

I laugh as we step outside into the fresh air. "I'm kidding. Lead the way to breakfast then." ----- Kihyun's POV

I quickly sit up and see Minhyuk sleeping on his side. I groan as I throw myself off the bed. I look at the night stan in his room to see his alarm clock read 9:30 am.

"Minhyuk." I slightly shake him. His eyes instantly open and he smiles.

"What?"

"It's 9:30...."

His eyes widen as he sits up. We both jump out of his bed and fling the door open to his room and quickly run out. We run out the long dim lit passage and run to the front of the building. I stop at the double doors and look through the little window. I gulp as I see Shownu behind the bar. Minhyuk gives me a terrified look and I just nod my head in encouragement. He opens the door and walks in, me following closely behind. Shownu instantly shoots his head up in our direction, the most pissed off look rests on his face.

"Minhyuk, Kihyun... what day is it today?"

I look at Minhyuk and see his eyes on the floor. He gulps and looks at me. "S-Saturday." He says above a whisper.

"I can't hear you, what day is it Minhyuk?"

"Saturday." I respond back to Shownu.

Shownu looks over at me. "I wasn't talking to you. I was asking Minhyuk." He clears his throat. "It's Saturday sir."

"That's right, and what are you dumb fucks supposed to do every Saturday morning?" He looks at the both of us. "Things haven't changed. Every Saturday morning at 8 am what are you supposed to do?"

I gulp. "Shownu, please." I plead. "Anything, anything but that. My body can't take it anymore."

He walks over to me, his finger tips brushing over my cheek. "You and Minhyuk are the best guys we have. You know what needs to be done. These men pay a lot of money for you. Maybe if you weren’t such a fucking cock slut these men wouldn’t want you."

I shudder at the thought. "Shownu plea-"

I feel my body hitting the ground without warning. I look up and see Shownu towering over me. His fist in a ball as my mouth throbs in pain. I look over at Minhyuk who's eyes are wide, he looks over at Shownu who doesn't acknowledge his eyes. "Are you talking back to me? You two are in deep shit for being late. How do you think that makes me look?"

I cough as I taste the blood inside my mouth. "I-I'll go alone. Please let Minhyuk stay here. I'll take his place today."

Minhyuk mouths a "what are you doing?" As I get off the ground. "I know what the Russians pay you Shownu. I'll take Minhyuk's place for today. Just let him go."

Shownu looks at me and to Minhyuk. "Fine. I don't care. As long as one of you goes in there. Just don't let this ever happen again. You no good pieces of shit are even worthless when it comes to this." He pushes past us. My eyes are glued to the floor for a few seconds.

"I guess I should get back there then."

I look at Minhyuk. "Kihyun... you don't have to do this."

I smile at him. "Think of it as a thank you for being there for me last night." I begin to walk towards my designated room. I hear Minhyuk pleading for me to go back but I keep walking forward regardless. I'm face to face with a velvet curtain and push past it. I walk into a small room that's lightly lit.

"There's only one of you today?" The man speaks, his accent is thick and the smell of vodka lingers around the room.

I shrug. "Yes. How are you today?"

"Hard, now are we going to do this or are we going to keep this small talk bullshit up?"

Jesus Christ. "What did you pay for today?"

"More than the half ass blow jobs I usually get here, that's for sure." I shake my head, my body feeling cold. "Got it."

I begin to awkwardly remove my clothes from the previous night and the fat slob in front of me begins to do the same. I get on my hands and knees on the couch and feel my chest tighten as it does every morning on this specific day. I hope he makes this as quick as he's able to scarf down a fucking cheese burger. I feel him abruptly push his harden member at my entrance and I bite my bottom lip, the tears forming in my eyes as pain takes over my body. "You're so tight boy." The man whispers in my ear, his voice sending shivers of fear down my spine.

I look up at the ceiling as his actions continue. I feel my eyes becoming more watery as the man behind me keeps thrusting and muttering slurs out. I look down and feel my chest send ripples out of my body. At least Minhyuk is okay and isn't enduring this. My mind wanders to last night. The warm smile of the man that came here randomly. My body begins to tighten as I grasp fully what's happening.

Wonho would never want a guy like me. Someone who's forced to get fucked for someone else's money. I look over my shoulder again as the man's thrusting becomes faster and sloppier. "I'm gonna cum." He whispers loudly.

I continue to look down at the cheap leather sofa as the room gets filled with his loud moans. After what feels like eternity I feel the man pull himself out of me. I hear him putting his clothes on and leaving the room without saying a single word. I collapse onto my side and look up at the celling. The tears falling from my eyes at a rapid pace. "Why did things turn into this? Why do I let myself continue to do this?" I whisper to myself. I feel my body shaking as my crying continues. After moments I sit up and put on my clothes on once again. I slowly walk out of the room and back to front room.

I look over at the glass door and sigh. Maybe someday I'll be free from here, but for now I'm trapped in here. I slowly make my way back to Minhyuk's room. The tears can't stop from falling out of my eyes. I find myself in front of his door and open it without a warning. I see Minhyuk who's sitting on his bed. His eyes meet mine and he instantly gets up and pulls me into his arms.

"Are you okay?" He whispers.

I just shake my head. "No, but I'm fine."

"I told you, you didn't have to go. Please Kihyun never do that again." I feel the tears fall from my eyes more. "Minhyuk, can we promise each other one thing?"

He nods, tears now falling from his eyes. "Of course. Anything you want."

"Whoever gets out of here first, let's not forget each other."

"I'd never leave you here alone Kihyun, I'd comeback."

I smile as I wipe my eyes. "It's settled then. Whoever leaves first we gotta get the other one out soon after."

Minhyuk nods and holds out his pinky for me. "Promise."

I link our pinkies together. "Promise."

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beck-a-leck · 3 years

Note

#49 boss/intern for Vishnal/Arthur would be great if thats a pairing you would write for!

Here you are Nonny! Vishnal/Arthur is not a ship I've ever written for, but I'll be damned if it wasn't fun. it's too much fun to play with Vishnal's obvious uh... attraction to authority figures.

I went back and forth a few times on whether I wanted this to be a Modern Office AU or an in-game canon AU where Vishnal gets assigned as Arthur's personal butler.

but I had a little more fun writing the Office AU, so here it is. Lowly employee Vishnal and New Boss Arthur, complete with teasing coworkers.

Ficlet AU Prompts

“Heads up, new boss alert.” Vishnal’s heart gave an unpleasant lurch as his head shot up from the spreadsheet he had been working on to crane over the sea of cubicles. Leon’s warning had been spot-on. There was a small group of important looking people all gathered around what used to be Mr. Volkanon’s office. The office had been cleared out of any of their former manager’s personal effects after his retirement party last Friday, and it looked like someone new was moving in this morning.

Vishnal skimmed the small crowd, wondering who among the besuited bodies was going to be their next manager. Almost all of them were older, at least in their fifties, but there was one younger man amongst them, blond, bespectacled, holding himself rigid and looking nervous with an armful of folders. Vishnal had to sympathize, he hated being the intern lackey dragged along with the higher-ups.

The thought crossed his mind that he should probably get back to work, but he realized he wasn’t the only one in the office scoping out the crowd for their new boss. Actually, the only one among them who appeared to still be diligently working was his other cubicle-mate, Clorica, who had dozed off while staring at her computer screen. Vishnal nudged her awake.

Clorica woke with a small gasp, automatically wiggling her mouse and putting her fingers on the keyboard and typing in a few nonsense characters, proclaiming in a rushed whisper, “I’m working, I’m awake. Wait…” She looked at Vishnal and Leon who was doing his best to hide as a breathy cough. “What’s going on?”

“New boss is in. didn’t think you’d want to miss it.”

“Oh.” Clorica joined the rest of the office in watching the group at the front.

The group was breaking up, several handshakes were exchanged, before one by one they all walked out of the office, leaving a familiar woman and the young intern behind.

Ms. Ventuswill was the general manager of their work group, Mr. Volkanon’s boss. Vishnal frowned slightly, she wasn’t taking over as their manager, was she? That seemed like a demotion for her.

She stepped forward, clearing her throat before saying in her normal, commanding voice, “May I have your attention please?” It was a needless request, she had everyone’s attention already, but she did stop the murmurs that were bubbling up across the office. Ms. Ventuswill smiled at the silence office. “I’ll make this quick, I’m sure you have plenty of work to do today and don’t need any further distractions. I would like to introduce you to your new manager, Mister Arthur Lawrence.”

The young blond man stepped forward and shifted his hold on his folders to offer the office a small wave. “Hello’s, I am really looking forward to working with all of you.” He was much softer spoken than his predecessor. Mr. Volkanon’s booming voice could be heart two floor away if he got into a particular mood. Still, Mr. Lawrence’s voice carried quite clearly all the way to Vishnal’s ears in the furthest cubicle. “I think we can all be a very cohesive team. I hope you won’t mind if I take some of your time today to meet each of you individually, but until then, I’ll let you get back to it.”

At that, Ms. Ventuswill and Mr. Lawrence turned to step into his office, closing the door behind them. Chatter erupted immediately in the office space as cubicle-mates quickly began discussing their new boss. Vishnal’s cubicle was not exempt from that.

“Did you hear that?” Leon demanded, dropping into his chair so he leaned over the back. “His name is Lawrence. You think he’s one of the CEO’s kids?”

Clorica tapped her chin thoughtfully before saying, “Yes, I think he is. I remember seeing him at a couple of the company gatherings.”

Leon scoffed. “Nepotism in its finest.” He propped his chin on the back of his chair and swung around in a slow arc. “So, how do you think he’ll be? Overly familiar, open-door, pushover? Useless and lazy slob? Or a micromanaging tight-ass who’s desperate to impress daddy with his first big boy job?”

“I don’t know, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.” Vishnal shrugged.

Leon hummed and spun around in a circle. “I bet he micromanages to impress daddy. He gives me that same small-anxious dog vibes that you do, Vis.”

“Hey! I do not micro-manage!”

Clorica snickered. “Only because you’re at the bottom of the food chain, mister color-coded-productivity tracker.”

Vishnal merely huffed and turned back to work. He would have to be more diligent than normal to make sure he got all of his work done with the added distractions today. His productivity tracker kept him organized, damnit, it was useful.

Mr. Lawrence worked through his personal introductions to their office group in order of seniority, it appeared, and Vishnal was the last one to go into his office. It was strange stepping into an office that had, just a few days ago, been covered with Mr. Volkanon’s personal touches – the man had a lot of grandchildren and plenty of pictures of all of them. The walls were still bare, freshly spackled and painted over to make a blank canvas for Mr. Lawrence’s décor of choice. All he had hung so far were two framed degrees, his Bachelor’s and a freshly obtained Master’s, but Vishnal spied a box sitting in a corner that looked like it had some more decorations tucked inside. Mr. Volkanon’s old desk had been replaced, as had his chair, with shiny new counterparts. Mr. Lawrence’s desk was already half covered with a scattering of paperwork and binders.

Vishnal paused in the doorway and knocked to announce his presence.

Mr. Lawrence looked up from the paper he was skimming and smiled, “Yes, come on it.” He walked around the desk and shook Vishnal’s hand. “Vishnal, right? Old Volkanon had nothing but good things to say about you.”

“O-oh, he did?” Vishnal’s brain forgot how to work briefly as he took in Mr. Lawrence. He was much more handsome up close than Vishnal had thought, and young – well, probably older than Vishnal, but still younger than any manager he’d ever known. His brown eyes sparkled, and his classes complimented the shape of his face, his impeccable suit fit him perfectly, cut to properly accentuate his lithe frame. He was vaguely aware that Mr. Lawrence was still speaking, he heard nothing because all him mind was doing was screaming a long, agonized “Ooooh nooo, he’s cute!”

He tuned in just in time to catch, “Go ahead and take a seat, I’d just like to take a minute to get to know you better.”

“Uh, yes Mister Lawrence.” Vishnal hurried to sit in the spare desk chair that had been rolled into the office.

“Please,” Mr. Lawrence tittered wearily, “Just call me Arthur. Mister Lawrence is my father, and I’m not nearly as much a stickler for formalities as he is.”

“Oh, okay, Arthur.” Vishnal liked the way that name rolled off his tongue. His anxiety on the other hand, didn’t quite care for that much informality between him and his new boss, and it was doing a wonderful job keeping a very tight leash on Vishnal’s imagination. Now was not the time to be fantasizing about the things he and his boss might do on this pristine new desk. Nope. Definitely not! To derail that train of thought, Vishnal tried a small joke. “I bet you’ve said that line about a hundred times today, huh?”

“Ninety-seven times, to be exact.” Mr. Law- Arthur smiled back weakly. Vishnal laughed weakly, realizing his joke had been recognized. “Really it’s more for logistics’ sake than anything. With half of my family working in this company, and a good portion of them my brothers, things get a little confusing with a dozen Mister Lawrences running around. That and it makes me feel old.” He shuddered comically and grinned. “I’m not even thirty yet, I can’t be a Mister.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. But I suppose it makes ordering company letter head much easier.”

Arthur laughed, genuinely this time, and it was such an endearing warm sound. “Yes, that it does.” Then the smile fell somewhat and he straightened the papers in front of him. “Now to business, I understand you’re our newest addition to the team. You just started… eight months ago?”

Vishnal somehow managed to keep his wild imagination in check over the next fifteen minutes and carried on an entirely professional conversation with his very cute new boss. How, he wasn’t entirely certain, because he was sure any moment Arthur would notice how flush Vishnal’s cheeks had become or how sweaty he suddenly was, or the nervous stuttering. But he said nothing about it and sent Vishnal back to work with another firm handshake and a smile.

Arthur must have just been polite, because as soon as Vishnal got back to his cubicle Leon called him out immediately. “Ooooh, I know that look. Someone’s got a crush on the new boss.”

“N-no I don’t!”

“But, Vis,” Clorica said, so sweetly and innocently. “Why is your face all red then?” She rolled over and gently poked on of Vishnal’s burning hot cheeks.

“Anxiety. I don’t do well with authority figures. I was nervous.”

His cubicle mates shared knowing looks and diabolical grins. “Uh-huh, sure,” Leon drawled. “A problem with authority figures.”

Vishnal brushed them off and turned back to his work, waking up the computer with a determined wiggle of the mouse. Leon would get bored eventually if he didn’t interact with him, and Clorica would eventually drop the game and get back to her own work. And so what if he had a little crush on their new boss? It was just a crush, perfectly normal and innocent and harmless. Even if his imagination was doing its best to bring up images of what the two of them could do in that office, or in the copy room, or maybe leaving early together on a Friday to go get some drinks…

“Oh look,” Clorica’s gleeful voice chimed in. “Now his ears are red too.”

#becky writes things #rune factory 4 #rf4 #rune factory #writing prompts #anonymous #replies #this was too much fun

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everyoneneedsalisteningear · 6 years

Text

Dear possible future counsellor/therapist,

I hate to be that kind of patient, those that did their kinda whole background reading online and come to you expecting that you confirm what they have already diagnosed for yourself and in the whole process, kind of not trust you if you tell them otherwise.

...I'm very sorry, but I am this kind of patient.

I know it is annoying, but let's face it, in this day and age, who wouldn't find and see things on the internet? We all need to start adapting our ways to deal with such patients. To get them to trust you without wholly discrediting the "homework" they did and believe in.

I would also like to bring up the prevalence of mental health issues in my generation. It is almost like a joke now amongst a ton of us, that we have no life goals, that we're just dissatisfied with life in general and it's a slob, where we're always alone and sad --- there's a whole meme culture for this called dank memes, and the amount of people that relate to this is quite a lot.

many many people in our generation are identifying as having anxiety and depression, and it is truly a whole community worth of people.

But I need to tell you this, and I want you to believe me. As much as I find these depressing jokes very funny and relatable, that isn't the reason why I'm here, and that isn't the reason why I choose to feel this way.

I wouldn't want to be here if I didn't feel like I needed to be. Feeling this way sucks. I want my old self back. I didn't choose for this to happen. The main reason why I am here, is because I feel that what I am going through seems abnormal. Emotions are supposed to be relatively rational, in a sense that if you're worried, something worth worrying about has happened/if you're sad, something sad has happened etc.

The thing is, I feel a pang of sadness that comes out of nowhere. For no particular reason whatsoever worth me feeling THIS sucky. I have a quote from myself, once when I was going through those times, that goes "can I fall sick or something so I have a legit reason to feel this shitty".

There was literally nothing going on. My life is uneventful like that. I could just be studying. I could even be hanging out with my beloved friends, who put up with so much more of my crap than they should be subjected to, I could be alone doing things I love like dancing or watching a movie or even eating, and there would be times where my chest hurts and I feel like crying. It's funny because it's not so much sadness, but like I like to describe it, I'm simply, down. Kind of like you're some heavy rock. Then obviously you don't feel like doing anything except lie on a bed and wallow in self-pity.

My baseline, I would describe it as a certain extent of self-consciousness. There is an inner monologue in my head going on most of the time, thinking through things I want to do or say. I remember once, for 2 days straight, I was functional as heck. Inner monologue me wasn't there, and I socialised well and was alone well as well. I was happy and content, and I never felt so confident with myself.

But that was awhile ago, and the muck creeped back in over time.

Inner monologue me is frustrating. When my chest hurts, it screams my motto at me (kinda the coping mechanism I found for myself over the year), which is that the lower I feel, the more I must fight it. "Fight it, resist it you idiot!", it would scream at me. At other times when my mind is racing, there's just many inner monologue mes talking over each other. Sometimes it's not just me, it's replayed conversations from my past, just coming back here and there. If it doesn't reach a peak, that's manageable. But sometimes, the talking gets faster and faster, and my heart starts to race and I get kinda panicky and I really need to find some way to break it. Usually I change my activity or find another distraction. Sleeping does not work.

But these aren't the worst things. Let me tell you about my worst fear. It used to be that I was scared I wasn't a good person at heart. That's no longer the case, after I started feeling something different.

It started with a rare, seemingly one-off episode, like my chest-hurting which is much more common now..., where I was just suddenly acutely aware that I am a person, alive in this world, and I am me.

I don't like talking about it because imagining it may make me go there, and I don't want to go there. I lose myself there. It's like I don't even know who I am anymore, and I'm just some... thing controlling this human I call "me" in this weird universe we call reality. I feel like an avatar, in a first person game, navigating my way around. Even when I talk to my friends, sometimes it's like talking to them through a screen. That is my worst fear. That I lose myself completely, that I start contemplating about things I can't put into words, when reality falls apart and seems like some sort of game. When I am detached from the world around me and everything seems muffled, and everything overwhelms me all at once. Where I feel alone and yet I don't know who I am. That is my worst fear. This may sound melodramatic, but.. sinking into oblivion like into a deep dark sea with no one around you, no sounds of life, blurry visions, no start and no end, like being trapped in some kind of weird limbo? yeah that's the stuff.

...

So, I feel like I need to pull myself out of that for awhile now and just let you know some of my counselling history. I went to the school counsellor for a couple of sessions and stopped completely. I have no intention of going back to see her, ever, because it wasn't a good fit.

Granted, I wasn't always completely honest with her but that's in a way of me just feeling weird to be so dramatic about my emotions. Like how I am usually like with friends and family, I tend to joke around alot and be very sarcastic, and I do that especially when talking about serious and sad things like that.

I suppose I wasn't taken very seriously then, because she kept reassuring me that there is nothing wrong with me, just some self-confidence issues.

Now...you must see where this is a problem. For me, at least.

I, am someone who has been writing diary entries since I was in kindergarten. I love writing whenever I had something I wanted to share. Writing was my outlet, writing is where I tell stories about my life and usually, make them sound better than they actually were, but that's just a speciality of mine. Also, and most importantly, writing made me my own counsellor.

I've been solving my own problems, insecurities and whatnot, via writing for the past like 13/14 years. I wouldn't be here, if I didn't think that there was something really wrong with me, that was abnormal, that I cannot rationalise myself out of, and that I need professional help with.

So when I've gathered all my courage to approach a mental health professional, telling them I think I may need help, telling me that nothing is wrong with me is NOT reassuring.

What does that mean? If nothing is wrong with me, that means that whatever emotions I'm feeling and whatever thoughts I'm having, that there is a reason to them. That they make sense, and it's a normal reaction to things happening in my life. But that's not the case! I feel and think these things REGARDLESS!

So how do you explain this, if there is "nothing wrong with me"??

It was really frustrating. I felt like she didn't believe me, and once, when I told her I really didn't feel like getting out of bed and doing anything at all, feeling unmotivated etc, she laughed and said, oh right, like feeling too lazy to do anything right and I was like. okay. no.

Being lazy, is a whole other issue altogether.

I'm not someone, to not do important things, and let myself fall apart, simply because of laziness. I won't let myself. Which is why I've been fighting it even more nowadays, because I gave in to it initially when I first felt it for the first few times. Back then, I thought well maybe if I really sink myself into it, I'll "use it up" and then I can move on. You know how they say, accepting the emotion instead of being in denial so you can find out what's wrong, accept it and then move on. But nooo.... I let myself sink into it, and only got out a few months later. It was horrible. That period of my life is a blur, I don't even know what was going on, I was just surviving blindly.

She did, eventually, give me a referral to some mental health organisation because I think she could tell that I was exasperated she wasn't giving me a diagnosis of some sort (my fault, sorry), but then I met another kind of frustration.

The man I talked to, basically told me that I wasn't depressed enough to have depression.

Oh, your life isn't in complete shambles? Oh, you can still get out of bed in the morning? Oh, you haven't missed a bunch of meals or ate until your stomach exploded? Oh, you still have friends? Yeah, I don't think you're depressed. You're fine.

Excuse me, perhaps I feel these ways in a milder version. I may not feel like eating, but I eat something anyway because I'm not to the point where I want to starve myself. Besides, eating is a coping mechanism for me. A great distraction. So not eating? yeah no, not gonna happen. Eating too much? I eat a lot normally, so it's not really a thing. I really can't tell the difference. But yes, now, I do see the differences abit more clearly perhaps after a longer period of monitoring myself, I do eat less when I'm down. But not to the point of not eating because I'm not suicidal yet.

Sleep patterns is a whole other thing. I can safely tell you that when I am down, I sleep past 2am, unless I have a headache and have to sleep earlier. Because I lose track of time, and I don't want to be alone with my head. I get a bad feeling about it sometimes. Which is why I can't be alone, usually, when I'm down because I'm scared that negative thoughts will overwhelm me.

The thing is though, I am someone who also wants to be empowered to live their life, so I'm not going to just sit back and let all these things ruin my life. I fight back. So to say that as if my grades are slipping like shit and I'm going to LET it? nope, not gonna happen. I have a career ahead of me and no matter how shitty I feel and how unmotivated I am to do anything about it, you'd be sure I will sit myself on that chair, and I will stare at my laptop screen until I do some work. No it will not be my best work. But it will be something. So to say that I'm going to let all these things happen and me just letting it be, as a sign of depression? no. I felt insulted, if I have to be completely honest.

So at that point I did get pissed, and outrightly asked him, "okay so if I don't have depression, what is this? why do I feel all this? there has to be a reason for it", and he finally gave in not fighting me on it, that I may have depressive symptoms, but then added, but not to the point of depression yet.

I guess it was the most I could get out of him at that point.

I feel bad that I want people to diagnose me. I want to feel that these thoughts and emotions to be validated by a mental health issue, because, like what I asked him, if this isn't it, them give me a good reason why my thoughts and emotions are irrational!

I believe I made my stand clear ... I hope to hear what you have to say. Thank you for listening.

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heremeroarblog-blog · 6 years

Text

The Drug Psychosis

Living as a people pleaser is helpful only to the people you are trying to please. There are a lot of people in the world who are incredibly selfish and use these kinds of people for there own agenda. These are people who always seem to know whats best for you. They like to tell you how you should feel and how you do feel. They like to make you think that you are socially inept. You are incapable of living on your own even though you used to have a great apartment and great job and a great life until they came. That it is impossible for you to function without them. They have to keep you dependant on them and then label you as a co-dependant, lunatic, crazy, delusional even. They knock down every idea, belief or dream you have. Heaven forbid you don’t kiss there ass. They are entitled to some ass kissing, they have some fake authority because they have some sort of title.

Trying to have any kind of conversation with them is pointless. They talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. If you try to say something, they just keep talking, just shut up and listen! That is your role. If you do finally get a chance to say something, they have this look on their face that says “How dare you interrupt me? I don’t care about your opinion, its my opinion or nothing. They get so frustrated when someone has a different opinion then them. These kinds of conversation leaves you exhausted and you are already exhausted because your grieving and working two jobs. One of these people even says to you “I don’t care about your feelings” and “I don’t want to talk about it or hear about it”. They tend to be extremely passive aggressive when they have a problem with you, and when asked they say “nothing is wrong”, then get revenge on you to teach you a lesson or they just lie to remain blameless. They then accuse you of not being able to handle conflict and call you passive aggressive.

Instead of offering their help, they make fun of your use of grammar and editing skills. If you don’t know something and they do, they don’t offer to teach you, they just call you stupid. Remember they are better and you are shit. They even lie about reading your blog. Yes, there are people who are so insecure and have told themselves a lie for so long that they actually think they are better than anyone else. Fake it, til you make it baby!!!!!!!!!! They do not care about or respect any sort of boundary that you may have but you must respect theirs. Don’t react at my bullshit, you’re so emotional. They must have the last word ALWAYS, on Facebook, Pinterest, real life, it doesn’t matter the last word must be theirs.

They like to stalk you and follow you to doctor’s appointments or when you go for a drive to the beach. When you finally do go to the doctor or a group therapy setting, they send their minions to clear their throats every time you say something, making sure you know that what you said was “not acceptable”. Their minions are everywhere you go. You can even end up living with one or they come to your work posing as customers. You might even work with them. You will move across the country and end up meeting a total stranger online only to find out that he is also a minion. They like to check up on you when you go to the laundromat to make sure your there. These minions are EVERYWHERE. Maybe they manipulated them into being one? Can’t blame the minions, they don’t know any better. Am I going to get kidnapped yet? Should I rub the lotion on my back and place it in the basket? Is someone going to assault me? Kill me? Will they allow you to make a friend yet? Meet someone that they don’t know? Quit making a mountain out of a mole hill they say. Will personal property get damaged again? Time will tell.

They tap into your phone to listen to private conversations you have with your family and friends. They watch you go to the bathroom and take showers. They are even watching you poop. They watch you masturbate and watch porn, then make fun of you for watching porn and being a dude. Porn is bad, stop it you bad daddy’s boy. We are just trying to help you they say. They make up fake profiles on any social media and ask you misleading questions, so they can get information to use against you. They text you to ask silly questions, then erase their texts so your replies look like you are a monster. They fake empathy to get you to talk about something even after you told them you weren’t comfortable talking to them about it, then use the information they learned against you. They say things like “The other guy said you said this” to try an alter your reality of what happened but your story remains the same. They guilt you into believing that someone you loved very much never loved you, and your time spent with them was all not real. They take away every memory you had with them by saying “That never happened, he would never call you a boyfriend”, then call you selfish for wanting something from one of the most fun moments you spent with that person. “But you don’t play”. They then accuse you of doing the same thing to them, “Remember the good” they say, but the good was stolen from me. You should have taken the apartment you had lined up but you chose to care for them and help them through a difficult time. They lie about TV’s they bought, when you have the receipt. They lie about everything. Like legit, I think more lies come out of their mouths that the truth. They guilt you into believing that you were the cause of him dying because you are just that much of a horrible person and were the reason he made his “bad choices”. They woke you up in the middle of the night for fun, then got pissed off because you woke them up they didn’t want to believe that they stopped breathing when they snored. You are always used as a scapegoat for anything that they do or feel. Everything with them is always a projection.

If they feel sad its your fault for making them sad. If they feel angry, its your fault for making them angry, then tell you that you can’t handle your own emotions. They get angry at you for leaving the house when they are home, but end up leaving the house themselves when you go to sleep, making it impossible for you to go to visit a friend or see you own mother. They tell you that your mother is a horrible person, that you should stop talking to her, She didn’t say hello one day after she met you once. They don’t say hello to your mother, that is how entitled and self important they are. If you do leave your room after you went to bed, to go to the bathroom or get some water, you get in trouble, they had someone over or left to hook up with someone and they didn’t want you to know. They tell people that you acted crazy when you saw he wasn’t home but really you were just watching TV and didn’t say a thing about it. The trouble could be anything from withholding affection to getting your tires slashed or you could get yelled at. You were very scared of the yell when they got angry, what if they hit you? You must be obedient or else. They have a house full of useless garbage in their homes and in boxes lined up against the wall as tall as you, and then say why don’t you clean the house and that you are a hoarder because you bought a shirt or got some free stuff from where you work. They have rules that you must do the dishes before you go to your friends house. That's how things are done around here, they tell you. Fucking get over it already they say.

They go into your private room when you are at work to have a look around, then tell you that they had to because you left the heater on and you broke a window. Oh right, they did it because you did drugs. They blackmail you, telling you that you need to stop talking or they will “show everyone the proof they have.” They did show everybody, oddly no one has ever asked me or mentioned it??? They move your things around so you can’t find them, and a few days later, find it in a different place and swear to yourself that was not where you put it. They raise your rent for no reason. They say “That never happened!!!!!” You give them permission to help themselves to food and they wind up eating all of it, then passive aggressively tell you that they won’t replace it, too bad. They treat you like your their personal Cinderella. We are slobs and to live here for free you must clean while I spend my whole day on the phone and drinking. They offer you dinner and say you never cook, but when you do cook they don’t want to eat it. Some of them are so lazy that they don’t even get up and get there own water to drink or make food for themselves, they ask you to do it or they go thirsty or not eat. They like to accuse you of doing things you never did. Why would you try to get someone fired? You would have had to pay for everything then. So stupid and not logically. You are so vengeful they say, Drugs is the reason, wait....no.... its because you did this. Okay, they changed their mind now its because of this. Will they please make up their mind about why they are doing this? Oh, its drugs again.

They never initiate sex and say “No” when you do, then say that you never want to have sex. Then they call you jealous because they went to have sex with Kitty Kat or Selena Gomez or anyone of their countless supply. It’s all your fault, you are making them do this. They say everything is always your fault. They make up fake fantasies of S&M and being tied up then when you want to do that, they are shocked and appalled that you would even suggest such thing. They tell you that it is okay to go out and meet other dudes because your in an open relationship, then get their buddies to message you and once you go over there, their minions proceed to tell you how fat and gross you are, like they are little children. They tell you that you are boring in bed but they are the one who never want to do anything and just lie there, or just fuck in one position cause they only stay hard in that position with you. This way they can tell all their friends that you only want to fuck in this one position. “Suck my dick, that’s your job, I don’t care that its been 8 hours and your jaw is sore”, but never wanting to touch you in anyway because you are deemed as unworthy for any kind of pleasure. This is your role. They want you to fuck them but never ask and just assume that you are supposed to know what they want. Meanwhile they are messaging other guys online and say “I’m going to this dudes house” or they end up filming you so their buddies can see or inviting someone else over to fuck in the shower or bedroom while you wait for them alone. They hold you down by your neck and pound you while your crying because they love taking your power. You are just a hole for them to put there dick in, how could you think you were more? I know, so out of character right? Must remember the good, must remember the good. You must let it go, you must let it go. That is what they say.

They never want to kiss you but have no problem making out with any other guy in front of you. They tell you to find another guy to come over and then get jealous that you aren’t paying enough attention to them, but you asked me to? They make fun of your clothes and the underwear you wear and the music you listen to. They give you an STI and then deny it when you confront them and act insulted, you realize they would have never told you because they don’t care about your health. They take money out of your wallet for feed their drug habit and buy drugs for other people then blame you for not paying the bills or buying food, then comment on how you never have money to go out. They keep you a secret and never introduce you to anyone then accuse you of the same. Tell tell you that “They can’t kill you but they will make you kill yourself” and “If you kick me out I will trash the apartment” They say “Why did you stay?” You say “Love?”

They make people believe YOU are the bad person because you had enough of their bullshit. You are a disobedient and must be punished. You are a drug addict and you do a lot of drugs. Drugs, Drugs, Drugs always the reason. We are trying to help you. How dare you get angry with us, we didn’t do anything to you? You are merely an appliance for us to use anyway we want. We don’t care about you and we never did. Even after they read this, they are already making themselves believe the lie that none of this happened. They just can’t fathom why you don’t want to talk to them anymore. It is unacceptable for you to tell your story. They will never let you move on with your life. They will never give you your freedom back. You are theirs forever. They will do anything for attention, they don’t care if it is negative or positive, as long as it is a reaction. You can run but you can not hide. They will forever be blameless and you will forever be the monster........

They say stop watching movies and making them real life, You say, I wish it was a movie.

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