#a hard time being constantly active in a community. I need time to digest on my own etc

[zhansww]

210227 — Xiao Zhan's weibo update | translation by xzhan1005

Today, I have some things I’d like to say to everyone. I thought about various methods, and in the end I decided to use the simplest one, which is to tell everyone my feelings and perceptions this year. These thoughts may not represent anything, and may not solve anything, but I still hope to say this openly today.

This time last year, the storm happened very suddenly, and like a bomb that suddenly exploded, it sent me into a state of shock — my phone rang off the hook, my Wechat notifications never stopped, everyone’s suggestions and questions all came at me at the same time. I wanted to speak out, but I didn’t know what to say. I had many concerns, and I was scared that any word or sentence would be over-analyzed and exaggerated, causing further disturbance. So at that time, I chose to not say anything.

I didn’t expect for the feelings of opposition between various circles and levels of online discourse to snowball bigger and bigger, with more and more ramifications. Gradually, it was out of one person’s control, and even though afterwards, I wanted to speak out to recover it, nothing could have worked out the way I had hoped for anymore.

This kind of life clamored and tore at me until now. And this year, my condition was as if I had been through countless long and dark corridors. Uneasiness, reflection, struggle… I also once questioned, what did I do wrong, why did everything after that day sail off like an uncontrollable ship?

I spent a long time digesting all this, and I spent even longer to understand everyone’s actions and words. Slowly, I began to understand what everyone’s criticisms were of me. From the moment that I didn’t express my attitude, I had already missed the window to rationally communicate with everyone; from the start, I was wrong.

At that time, I hadn’t gotten a clear understanding of the entire issue, and I didn’t understand everyone’s emotions. Further to that, I didn’t understand what kind of responsibility I needed to take on at times like this. Therefore, I missed the timing to communicate with everyone, and missed out on taking the responsibility to guide those oppositional emotions. Now, I clearly realize and understand that in this year, everyone’s criticism towards me being “idol without a voice” is correct. In this year, I constantly reflected that as a public figure, aside from improving my skills continuously, it’s even more important that I bear responsibility, take on my social duties, and bravely express correct values. Within my limitations, I should guide those who love me, and pay attention to me. Even though in this year, my studio and myself have expressed this attitude through Weibo and interviews, the storm caused because of me and the harm brought to others due to opposition of different circles is hard to heal.

No matter how late, I must correct my problems. I hope to make my first stance — Xiao Zhan hereby apologizes, to the people who were hurt last year and continue to be hurt because of my “loss of voice”. This is the first responsibility I should take on towards the public; face the problem straight on, and accept my mistake.

At the same time, I hope to use this chance to say some things to my fans. This is the second responsibility I need to take on. In an interview last year, I said, I don’t agree with “managing” fans, because everyone is their own individual person, and whether it’s me or my studio, we don’t have the right to treat this relationship like a senior-junior management relationship. Later on, I repeatedly thought and reflected, and maybe I can’t use the word “manage” for the relationship with fans, but I have the duty to “guide correctly and encourage actively.” So today, I want to tell my fans, everyone has the right to like or dislike, and regardless of whether it’s liked or disliked, it should be respected, and allowed in its respective spaces of expression. Of course, this right applies within the boundaries of correct values and if it’s rational and doesn’t hurt others. I hope that my fans can understand, no matter what industry or age group you’re in, your likes and actions cannot reach outside of those boundaries, and definitely can’t be against the rules of the profession or beyond moral limits. Whether it’s online or in the real world, each person should be responsible for their own words and actions. Furthermore, I hope that each of us do not let ourselves be represented by the self-created label of “so and so’s fans”, and don’t form a distinct position from this, and even more importantly, don’t judge good and bad from this position. Everyone has their interests and likes, please respect each person’s choice and freedom of speech. Whether they like me or dislike me, it’s in their own right. Love should be the source of strength for us, and I hope that this source doesn’t wear on or hurt others. Maybe I cannot change the overall environment, but at least we can start from you and me; today is a new starting point.

Finally, I want to chat with everyone about myself. From the moment I entered this industry, until now, I’ve always had labels on me. But my original reason for coming into the industry was my love for acting and music. And because of this, I’m always working hard to become a more professional actor and singer. In the face of the sudden criticism of “idol without a voice”, I realized that aside from focusing on my own skills, I need to take on my rightful responsibilities and duties as a public figure, as an idol. I was born in an ordinary Chongqing family, and like many people, I lived an ordinary life for more than twenty years. Today, I want to take this opportunity to express my apology for inappropriate remarks I made as a regular person, and to the people I unintentionally hurt. I will work had to learn to become a better “public figure”, as I do my own tasks well. I’ll make it so that these two Xiao Zhans can accept each other and merge so that I can become a better version of myself.

I need to be responsible for the various disturbances that arose because of me in this past year, whether big or small. I can have requirements for myself, but I cannot force them upon others. I just hope that the people who truly like me can listen seriously to me; please add a level of “rationality” beyond a person’s likes and dislikes. Live positive and healthy lives, and put your focus and most of your energy in your real lives. Spend less time fighting, battling, opposing virtual IDs in the online world, and more time working to improve in the real world. It’s just for the sake of becoming better versions of yourselves.

#xiao zhan #210227 #weibo #ggwb #I want to perish

[mbti-notes]

1) Hello, Im an isfp wtih an estj mom and for a while now we are having trouble communicating. whenever i try to explain something to her that i understan better she becomes stubborn and wont believe in what i say. since she is an extroverted person she loves to socialize and complains about me not talking with her enough, but everytime we spend time together she ends up oberving me and starts mentioning every little imperfection on my face/body.

[con’t: i dont dislike her, but i am really uncomfortable with the way things are now. sometimes she likes to envade my privacy and sneaks up glances at what im watching or finds ways to sit next to me to see what im doing thinking that she is discreet. my anxiety has been pretty bad lately and i feel like im constantly being watched and walking on eggshells. i really want to know if we are compatible or not and if theres a way for us to improve these problems. i wish you have a great day💕]

There are two separate problems to address:

1) The parent-child relationship: How old are you? Are you an adult yet? This matters because, at some point, every child needs to learn how to be independent and exert their independence. If you fail to become independent, your relationship with your mom will always be unequal, and, worse, your future relationships are very likely to be unequal (immature ISFPs are often drawn to controlling or manipulative people). 

When there is a power imbalance in a relationship, there will inevitably be boundary violations by the person who holds more power. Furthermore, the person with more power is unlikely to cede power until you demand to be treated as an equal, i.e., conflict is inevitable but necessary for righting the power imbalance. If you can't handle conflict maturely, your relationships are never going to get very far (immature ISFPs often develop the bad habit of running away when things get difficult).

You have to learn to stand up for yourself, to advocate for yourself, to be assertive about your beliefs and values, and to defend your boundaries when they are violated. For example, in a healthy relationship, you should not have to endure constant and pointless criticism. In a healthy relationship, you should be loved for who you are. Part of being an independent person is setting and enforcing boundaries, especially to stop any mistreatment or abuse. If you fail to do this, some people will feel free to walk all over you.

2) The legitimate personality differences: Assuming that you are both correctly typed, ISFPs and ESTJs are bound to run into conflicts due to the opposing Fi/Te and Se/Si functions. 

Generally speaking, ESTJs tend to be blunt, stubborn, and overconfident in their judgments. They value their prior learning to the point that it is difficult for them to integrate new information, so they often have a hard time admitting when they are wrong. Oftentimes, the only way to convince them that you are right is to use unassailable logic or undeniable evidence, and then give them plenty of time to digest the new info. Once they’ve digested, you will find them suddenly reformed (even if they cannot openly admit defeat), but the process of convincing them is always going to be frustrating, so patience is required. 

Generally speaking, ISFPs tend to be emotional creatures and often lack the ability to back up Fi judgments with unassailable Te logic, which puts them at a disadvantage in terms of persuasiveness. ESTJs do not respond well to mere emotional appeals and might even think less of you for using them, unless you successfully activate their empathy via inferior Fi. The more you fail to convince them through the debate process, the more an ESTJ will believe that they are right, so beware of your debates backfiring on you, as you don’t want her beliefs to get set in stone. 

Your options? Either 1) learn better debate skills such that you are able to speak her Te language of logic and objectivity, or 2) practice Fi's "live and let live" and simply ignore her when you know that she's wrong. Your main job is to learn when a fight is worth fighting. If something is important to you, then fight for it. If something is irrelevant or inconsequential to you, let her be her, and let it go. When two people have different beliefs and values, sometimes the best you can do is learn to co-exist peacefully by setting and enforcing boundaries that respect those differences, which goes back to exerting your independence and requesting that people respect it. As a general rule, the more that two people try to control and change each other, the more that they run roughshod over each other’s boundaries, and the less they are able to trust and love each other. It’s not a question of compatibility but rather a question of whether the two of you can learn to respect each other’s boundaries and limitations.

#isfp #parent child relationship #estj #relationships #independence #communication #isfp relationships #estj relationships #boundaries #ask

[spoonie-swiftie]

Tw: eating disorder and self harm

no specifics, no numbers.

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I’ve been thinking about my “journey” with my eating disorder since I read the article through a steady flow of tears last night. I usually HATE using words like “journey” and “warrior” and it still doesn’t feel like it fits right or natural in this context even though its the truth. It’s been a very long, very wind-y, crappy and treacherous road that started and stopped many times over the past 28 years and while I wish I didn’t have to ride this very shitty, low budget, rickety ass roller coaster it’s mine and I’m proud to have made it as far as I have. I’ve wanted to talk about it and I have in bits and pieces for years. But between the article coming out last night and seeing so many of my swiftie friends talk about their struggles with body image and disordered eating and seeing a ton of my chronically ill friends coming forward and sharing that they, too, have struggled with the same issues as well (unfortunately most of us have since chronic illness takes a lot of body autonomy away and eating disorders give us a very false sense of control) I really wanted to open up and share, Just to get it out of my brain, even if it gets buried by algorithms or nobody cares reads it.

I read this article written by Variety on a snippet of @taylorswift new documentary Miss Americana as soon as it came out. In it she explains how the unsolicited comments and opinions of people in and out of the media about her appearance ended up putting thoughts in her mind of what her body “should” look like and subsequently what she should or shouldn’t eat. Thankfully it sounds like she’s doing better but as I know all too well it’s extremely difficult to kick those self critical thoughts out of our brains once and for all. The thing that I think hurts my heart most is that after her helping me through years and years of my eating disorder and listening to Tied Together With A Smile on repeat so many nights and hating everything about my body, or lyrics like “and it’s a sad picture, the final blow hits you, somebody else gets what you wanted again. You know it’s all the same, another time and place. Repeating history and you're getting sick of it But I believe in whatever you do, And I'll do anything to see it through. Because these things will change” or “Wish I could make it better, Someday you won't remember, This pain you thought would last forever and ever” or “Ten months sober I must admit just because you’re clean don’t mean you didn’t miss it. Ten months older I won’t give in, now that I’m clean I’m never gonna risk it” i sang these lyrics like they were prayers I was sending to God and they were some of the few things getting me through and making me feel better. It felt like she opened me up like a well loved novel and took excerpts of my life and made them poignant and purposeful. I just hate that she has had to deal with the same feelings and it makes me wanna drop kick all the people who put their two cents in on her appearance. Repeatedly. With spikey steel toed boots.

If you’re unfamiliar with my story, here’s a tiny snippet of my life and my experience with the crappy brain monster that is disordered eating and it’s best pal body dysmorphia. I went from being tiny (thanks to growth hormone deficiency) and twig like my first 14 years, being a cheerleader and never even thinking about how I looked and then I got injured, (which kicked my genetic condition Ehlers Danlos Syndrome unbeknownst to us at the time into high gear) went from being active every day to being homebound and spending most of my time on the couch. My muscles that I worked so hard on left and everything got soft and squishy and between years of different doctors looking me up and down, deciding I must not have anything physically wrong and telling me and my mom that I was just making it up for attention I got angrier and angrier at my body for ruining my life and taking most of my friends away and started taking it out on my body. I struggled with self harm in silence for many years before I ever dealt with food issues but as I’ve learned it self hatred is damaging no matter what actions you partake in. My mental health got better after I went back to school, was diagnosed with fibromyalgia (EDS was still hiding) and joined band but after I had to drop out of community college & went back to spending most of my life in bed that’s when I developed my eating disorder. I didn’t even realize that I had an eating disorder until after I had gone through multiple rounds of treatment. I thought I couldn’t have an eating disorder if I wasn’t underweight (spoiler alert: eating disorders have very little to do with your weight or size and more to do with your thoughts and actions just so you know 🥰) When I was my sickest and was admitted to a residential treatment facility I wasn’t underweight (I was actually “obese” according to my BMI which is the biggest crock of shit but that’s a whole other story) and I had to be constantly reminded that I deserved to be there because even if I couldn’t see it my brain was just as sick as the girls who were underweight. When I finally started accepting it (5 ish days in) my insurance decided that even though all my providers said I needed to be there, had completed multiple outpatient treatment programs, and I was pre approved before I even stepped foot on property I wasn’t “sick enough to warrant such intensive treatment”. Literally told my mom and I that they wouldn’t pay because I wasn’t thin enough. I’ll never forget hearing my mom sobbing on the phone and promising them that if I died they were to blame. Thankfully, even though I didn’t get the treatment that I deserved and needed, something clicked during my third program and I recovered and while I still consider myself to be mostly recovered, having my weight yo yo-ing from Gastroparesis (literally my stomach is paralyzed and food doesn’t digest normally which is why I have a feeding tube) and other symptoms of GP screws w/ my head every once in a while. But I’m so thankful that most of that is behind us, for me and Taylor, and I hope to God it stays there. And while it’s definitely not something I would have chosen for myself (they’re really not fun, 0/10 wouldn’t recommend) I’m thankful for the people I’ve met along the way because they are some of the strongest people on this earth (even if they’re rolling their eyes while reading this, you know who you are ♥️) and I’m so proud of us and the things we’ve learned along the way. And I hope one day I can hug Taylor and thank her for all the strength and courage SHES passed on to me through her music over the last 13 years.

~love love love~

Mandie

Photo timeline:

1-this was taken at the ComeBacks retreat this November. I can honestly say I feel the most at peace with my body image now than I have in 13+ years (2019)

2-when I was physically my healthiest. I was an All Star competitive cheerleader and was very physically fit, but at the same time I didn’t think about how I looked hardly ever (2003)

3-after I got injured and was homebound from school. This was when my feelings about my body started to plummet and I was super depressed (2005)

4-during my very short time in college, just before my disordered eating started (2010)

5&6-after I had to drop out of school because my health dropped off a cliff. This is when my mental health started to turn and my disordered eating took off but I was hardcore in denial (2011-2012)

7-during one of my intensive outpatient treatment programs that actually ended up making me a hell of a lot worse (2012)

8-right after I finished my last treatment program and it finally stuck. I was in recovery but not considered Recovered yet (2013)

9-one year behavior free! (2014)

10-definitely the heaviest I’ve ever been and the sickest physically but also some of the happiest times as well (2016)

#eating disorders #eating disorder recovery #eating disorder #taylorswift #taylor swift #taylurking #dysautonomia #spoonie probs #mitochondrial disease #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #swiftdisabledselfies #chronic pain #fibromyalgia #gastroparesis #ehlers danlos syndrome #eating disorder awareness #body dysmorphic disorder #disordered eating #mental illness #mental health #mental heath support #mental health matters #mental health awareness #neda walk #neda #ednos #anorexia nervosa #swiftie

[talebones]

6 POINTS YOU NEED TO KNOW PRIOR TO SEEING AN WORKOUT PHYSIOLOGIST

Have you been referred to an exercise physiologist? Terrific! Yet prior to you head along to your very first visit, you need to read this. Below's 6 things you need to know before seeing an exercise physiologist:. 1. YOU NEED TO HOP ON FIRST BASE PRIOR TO YOU STRIKE A CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT. For us to attain better lasting goals, it's helpful to set smaller goals initially or concentrate more on behavior modifications rather than the objective itself. In some cases, you need to decrease your assumptions for the short-term, rather than concentrating on the larger long-term objective. When I was a brand-new exercise physiologist, I was extremely ambitious and intended to strike a home run with every client. https://www.talebones.com/ I wanted them to achieve their huge long-term goal rapidly and anything short of this was not good enough. As I have actually established, I have actually learnt that we need to take our success, regardless of exactly how big or tiny. We often see this in people with consistent (or chronic) pain ... Their goal, their "home run" if you will, is to be discomfort totally free. Yet what happens if I could get this individual to handle their discomfort-- to reach first base? What if I could recommend an exercise program that assists keep the pain reduced as well as boosts their activity and feature? This is still advance! As workout physiologists, it's our work to assist educate, set benchmark landmarks as well as overview you through the procedure. 2. MATTERS DON'T HAPPEN PROMPTLY. Accomplishing long-lasting, healthy and balanced, way of living changes is a process. You could not see changes straight away, yet you have to rely on that the healthy adjustments you're making are functioning. One workout session won't assist you handle diabetes mellitus long term, nor will certainly it avoid a cardiac occasion or arthritis. You need to focus on consistency and also long-lasting change. If all the advantages of exercise might be put into a tablet, it would be one of the most widely prescribed medication on the planet. 3. YOUR HEALTH IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Seeing an exercise physiologist is a terrific very first step, however the buck stops with you. It's our task to help educate on the ecological community of health. It's our work to assist encourage. It's our work to help put together a tool kit of workouts and programs that will help you attain your goals and also enhance your health and wellness. However, at the end of the day, we can refrain from doing the exercise for you! It's your responsibility to make your very own health and wellness as a priority. 4. The Very Best EXERCISE IS THE ONE YOU'LL DO. It's a concern we are usually asked ... "What is the most effective workout for ...?". Weight-loss. Osteoarthritis. Cancer cells. Depressions. Parkinson's Disease. There are absolutely different programs procedures for various individuals as well as different conditions. We will constantly tailor a workout program toward the individual. However honestly, the 'finest workout' is always the exact same. The one that you'll do. We can produce the most complicated program worldwide, with specific heart price targets, associates, and establishes etc. nonetheless, if you do not do it, it's pointless. Normal movement is vital. 5. RECOVERY IS RARELY A STRAIGHT LINE. Regardless of the development shots you could see on social networks and also in magazines, if you were to chart your recuperation, it's rarely mosting likely to remain in a straight line. We are so commonly offered this best image of weight management or recovering from mental disorder or managing arthritic discomfort. Actually, it hardly ever works like this. If you're dropping weight-- you might evaluate extra today than you did the other day-- which's ok. As specified above, it's a procedure as well as you'll have ups and downs. What issues is that you're heading in the best direction long-term. 6. THE HUMAN BODY IS STRONG. We will certainly all undergo periods of our life where our body feels like a Jenga Tower about to collapse. Yet the body is far more powerful and also a lot more resilient than you assume. There will always be people as well as specialists available that generate income out of your fear. Maybe over-diagnosing, figuratively covering you in cotton wool as well as making you fear workout unless you remain in their existence. There is absolutely a time and also an area for rest, however it's not OK for a practitioner to instil anxiety just so you maintain making a repeat visit for the next years. As workout physiologists, our goal is to education you and also encourage you to make favorable modifications so that you can maintain a healthy and balanced way of life long after our last appointment has actually finished. Intestines cancer cells (commonly referred to as digestive tract cancer) is the 3rd most commonly identified type of cancer cells in Australia. It takes place when abnormal cells in the colon or rectum grow and also multiply unmanageable. Lifestyle options can affect danger of intestines cancer cells. For instance, there is convincing proof that being physically active decreases the risk of colon (however not anal) cancer cells; in one big research study people who did even more exercise had a lower risk of colon cancer than those doing less. However it's not just about prevention ... Exercise can be advantageous for those undertaking therapy too. Here's what you need to understand about exercising with colorectal cancer cells. TREATMENT AND SIDE EFFECTS. Therapy for intestines cancer depends upon whether the illness has spread or is likely to spread out as well as might consist of surgery, radiation therapy and/or radiation treatment. Usual adverse effects are digestive tract symptoms, tiredness, pain as well as bloating, tingling/numbness/pain in hands and feet and psychological distress. Some people also report aggravated sexual working and urination. In many cases (less than 10%), surgical treatment to remove the tumor indicates that the bowel can not be joined back with each other, and also a short-lived or permanent opening is produced (i.e., a stoma) for the collection of body waste in a colostomy bag. ADVANTAGES OF EXERCISE. Workout throughout and also after treatment enhances quality of life and the ability to do daily activities, along with decreases the regularity and also extent of treatment-related adverse effects. Exercising after a medical diagnosis of colorectal cancer cells has actually also been associated with minimized risk of the cancer repeating as well as boosted general survival. Emerging proof likewise recommends that workout might enhance healing from surgical treatment and also increase ability to complete scheduled chemotherapy. KINDS OF EXERCISE RECOMMENDED. Moderate-to-high-intensity aerobic and resistance exercise is risk-free and also advantageous during as well as after therapy for colorectal cancer. If one is not presently working out then it's advised to begin gradually and progress slowly. If exercising for prolonged blocks of time (e.g., 20 mins or even more) is as well hard or enhances fatigue, after that exercise can be done in shorter rounds of 5 mins as well as completed several times in a day. WORKING OUT WITH A STOMA BAG. Exercising with a colostomy bag can have its challenges, however it is not a factor to prevent exercise. In some cases there are weaknesses in the abdominal wall surface because of the surgeries connected to treatment and also stoma, as well as treatment is required to shield this location during workout. EXERCISES TO STAY CLEAR OF. Stay clear of boosting abdominal pressure (e.g., holding breath throughout exercises/Valsalva) and safeguard the stoma bag throughout swimming or exercise in which the bag might be bumped (e.g., call sporting activity) or pierced (e.g., rock climbing). Compression garments, high-waisted undergarments or workout clothing, water resistant dressings and stoma-specific belts, guards or swimsuit might assist get rid of some of the barriers to exercising with a stoma bag and safeguard both the bag as well as the abdominal area. REQUESTING FOR AID. A stoma registered nurse and seasoned dietitian are indispensable resources to support issue solving problems such as stoma bags ending up being displaced during exercise or threat of dehydration. A workout physiologist can assist to modify exercises and activities to lower intra-abdominal stress or movements that are unpleasant or excruciating because of the stoma bag.

[jess-do-it]

(Transcribed w/ Permission from @jessfromonline) Thread: Many people are now out on the streets for the first time. as such, let's talk very basic, everyone should know this, 'this should be general and not sensitive knowledge' protest, action, and street tactics. let's get organized and be effective!

Source: https://mobile.twitter.com/jessfromonline/status/1268620358950649858

(Note: I am not this person, this is a transcript of their twitter thread I made with their permission)

Have a protest buddy. do not go to a protest without a buddy. preferably have a crew. 

if you have a crew, it should still be split into buddies. crews should choose a spoke (spokesperson) who calls movements and communicates with people.

if you have a large crew, you should have a spoke + lieutenants/LTs/whatever you wanna call them. their job is disseminating calls but more importantly, to track the people grouped under them. when shit pops off, it's easy to lose people. LTs watch to see if anyone in their subgroup is missing, and spoke checks for the LTs. a system of accountability. STILL buddy up in subgroups. 

If you've got a good bloc on the ground, you can call 'spokes' to get a spokes council together and make larger decisions about what to do.

Your crew should have a basic, 1-syllable, generic word, that changes at every action, which you can call and each crew member replies with the word. feels dorky but worth it. arrange all this ahead of time. this allows you to quickly count your crew & check no one dropped.

You should have an offsite person, preferably two. Here is a guide for doing offsite.

designate 1-2 comms people. they have phones and retrieve info on cop movements from offsite via signal. on a vpn, burner phone if you can.

ideally no one besides comms should have a phone on them. easier to track. tradeoff: if you lose someone makes it harder to figure out what happened. consider battery-out phones for non-comms people. 

write a number for legal support hotline in your area on body in sharpie

Before a protest, work out with your crew what your risk levels are. you can have different levels but try to avoid buddying across levels. will you brawl with fash? cops? risk arrest? loot? burn? graffiti? dont make those decisions in the moment.

I have no easy advice for what happens if you lose someone. have comms immediately report to off-site who can try to track them down. if you're large you can send an lt+subgroup to look, but they may have just gotten out and left. they could be arrested or with medics. off-site can start checking jails and hospitals for them. see off-site guide for what info you need for this and how to collect. if you have better advice for when people drop unexpectedly, put it in the replies.

Never talk to cops never talk to cops never talk to cops never talk to cops. if you're arrested dont talk. if they approach you during dont talk. you can yell harassment but dont do it once you're arrested. you can sing if you want. group singing in jails keeps spirits up. (Singing is a super spreading activity for covid, pointed out at end of this thread).

If you can, know your local PD. some departments publish whitepapers on their tactics. talk to local protest veterans in your area to learn about what your city's cops do. every area is difference and this can make the different between success or failure.

Use all the gear you got. helmet, goggles, gloves, umbrella, etc. carry water if you can (ONLY ONLY WATER TO FLUSH EYES. ONLY.) you gotta stay hydrated too. generic clothes, packs, etc. if possible. more common the better. Don't carry too heavy but it's really worth it. helmets feel ridiculous? you'll regret not taking it when you take a round to the head.

Consider having handles for your crew. it's a lot better to yell someone's handle than their name when you need their attention. Handles should be short (1-2 syllables) and minimally linked to the person. practice using only a person's handle. let's move on to broader thinking (might jump back if i think of stuff)

Situational awareness. you can practice this all the time but it's v important during an action. What are your exits? have they changed? what are your numbers vs. their's? what's their posture? what's behind, in front, sides? what gear to they have? re-evaluate constantly. i'm going to say it again. exits exits exits. where can your crew go if it gets too hot. if you dont have a clear exit try to move as soon as possible.

Extending on that: police will often try to kettle, aka surround you and trap you in. keep the bloc moving to the cops' weakest side to avoid a kettle. don't be afraid to tell people what to do. they'll thank you if you avoid a kettle. move without em if you have to but dont isolate your crew too much or you're easy to pick off and arrest. Also, be careful: cops may take advantage of this to get you to slowly push farther and farther from your objectives. sometimes you gotta stand your ground. know your numbers and know your strategy. sometimes it's time to stay. a spokes-council might be able to decide. talk about this ahead of time.

Don't yell where the exit is with cops around, but do disseminate it in a crowd. your crew, minimum, must always know.

Keep your crew looking in all directions and regularly switching. dont get snuck up on.

Don't get picked off. cops will arrest 1 person quicker than 10, 50. non-covid times, the advice is to "tighten up!" the bloc, so they cant snatch and grab. YMMV during these times. evaluated based on the situation.

Banners rule for this. theyre not just propaganda. if you have a heavy banner (tarp, etc.) in the front, they can't as easily grab through and arrest. stay behind it if you can. 

Learn to communicate clearly and tersely under pressure. people underestimate this skill. you dont need 'please' or extra words.  Don't chatter. learn to give a 'sitrep' (situational report) in which you report all the info from 16. spokes, ask you LTs for sitreps. give them when new folks arrive.

Back to the individual: if you can't keep up, DON'T GO. hard lesson to learn. as a person with chronic digestive issues, i've fucked this up. if you're incapacitated you're a liability. consider learning to run offsite, or going to less intense actions. know what to expect based on recent police activity, level of risk planned for the action, the capabilities of your crew, etc. i know you might feel obligated to be in the streets but if your crew has to care or slow down for you instead of acting, that's hurting not helping. but try not to let this discourage you from trying if you can. unless you're sure with your health and/or fitness you can't, it is good to try. we need numbers. but dont push yourself when you cant. there's more to the work than the streets.

Dont share unconfirmed info. dont repeat info from people you dont trust. ive seen so many actions where someone thinks they see a cop and then everyone is yelling "cop" and freaked out and scattering and theres no cop. be careful. misinfo is worse than no info.

Some of this is gonna feel ridiculous and tryhard. being good at this takes trying hard. be vulnerable and push your crew to do this. you'll be safer and more effective because you do.

Eat well, plenty of protein rich food the day before. hydrate well day of. physical condition matters for this.

Sometimes you gotta pee. you can pee in an empty bottle, or you can pee on the ground. MANY people wear diapers. this isnt the time for shame. do what you need.

When you gotta do something like pee, change, sometimes even drink, if you're in bloc, you gotta hide. get to the center of the bloc if you can. call 'cover me' or 'flag' (if the crowd has flags) and they'll wrap you. kneel and do what you gotta do.

Some of this advice is for when you have a coherent bloc, but there's been less of those in this round of protests. still, keep it in mind.

If you're in bloc, consider bringing generic clothes to change into in a bag. gym clothes and local team sportwear are great. either do 28 and slip out somewhere under cover, or scatter and hide, and change in your hiding place. bring a bag to put your bag in.

How are you getting in and out? can you pay for public transit in cash (this still means being on cameras, keep your hat down)? can someone drive you in (drop off far, so they cant see plates)? lock up your bike somewhere?

This is counter-intuitive, but unless it's a covert action, where your goal is to get in and out without ever being noticed, keep your ID and a bit of cash in your pocket. ID will get you in and out of jail faster. again: NOT FOR COVERT ACTIONS. and dont drop it.

Try to know your success and failure conditions before your crew goes out. when is it no longer worth it and time to bail? what are you trying to accomplish and how do you know you're doing so? try to create criteria if you can

in large, multi-site protests like we're seeing rn, if all you're doing is occupying cops, you're helping a lot. standoffs mean they arent somewhere else. looting they HAVE to respond to because property > people for cops. small groups can make big differences here.

Share your sitreps with other spokes if you can. if you notice a kettle, tell everybody and try to move everyone. have some chutzpah: you can do it.

DON'T LEAD PEOPLE INTO FENCED IN PARKS OR ENCLOSED ALLEYS PLEASE JUST DON'T PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU. HAVE MANY EXITS.

Consider carrying print maps of the area. dont mark them with objectives in case they get taken. review maps of the area ahead of time.

We already talked offsite and comms, i won't cover offsite much here, read the guide

Scouts! a good scout team is invaluable. especially bike scouts. get a signal chat and people on bikes in strategic locations reporting movements.

Don’t put everybody in the scouts chat. keep a few offsite people reading the scout chat and relaying in to comms people.

If somebody gets arrested that you're in a chat with, put 'dead the chat' and everybody should immediately leaved. someone should contact the person that killed the chat to find out who got picked up and exclude them from the new chat.

If y'all are super coordinated and have a ton of planning (not happening much right now) consider having a marshal in charge of calling moves for the whole bloc. spokes-council should still be convened and can challenge, but even the spanish anarchists elected military officials. in the field, you need a chain of command to operate quickly and effectively and outcompete cops.

Read this thread. remember, you dont have to be able to go toe-to-toe with cops. you just have to make your group not worth the consequences of dealing with.

Where are you going when the protest/action is done? are you all rallying at one point? have a plan.

Everyone check in with offsite when you get back. you all need to know everyone got home safe, or start checking jails/hospitals.

Offsite should know who is organizing jail support so they can pass that off when needed.

This is all easier if you know folks ahead of time.  show up to your local left orgs. even if it doesn't feel like you're doing a lot yet, those relationships matter.

WHITE PEOPLE: put yourself between police and people of color. they are much less likely to be as brutal with you. this should be established policy in your crew, esp if your crew is (as it ideally should be, if not ask why) multiracial.

WHITE PEOPLE: while Black opinion isnt a monolith & you dont have to regard the scolding of every Black liberal (see thread): if there are Black people/other people of color around and they're not escalating tactics, you shouldnt be unless its agreed. See this thread.

What does your crew and your bloc do if someone is injured? for some blocs, if medics have them, you leave them behind with medics and keep moving. it can be bad to jeopardize and trap the whole bloc for one person who is with medics who they are gonna be with anyway. on the OTHER hand, some blocs reasonably dont want to leave anyone behind and want to stay to cover people with medics (police sometimes respect medic neutrality, sometimes don't.) most important is: KNOW WHICH Y'ALL ARE DOING. DONT WAFFLE BACK & FORTH, DONT SPLIT THE BLOC.

Quick addition cuz it shouldn't be missing: if you're carrying a phone dont have touch ID on your phone, police can legally compel you to activate touch ID but they can't compel a password. also turn off location services and wifi unless you absolutely need them.

diff cops have diff legal options as well! in the middle of old city in philly, there's a federal park with park rangers. if they nab you, it's probably a federal charge, way worse. we're more scared of the rangers lol. know local uniforms if you can.

While we're here, some other extremely useful threads:

buying shit and not getting caught

riot control projectiles

take shifts! i didn't think to include it because it's longer term, but it's vital. we've certainly been dealing with it in philly.

this is a good COVID-19 specific tip. need to be a lot more careful about singing in custody during the pandemic.

having regular check-in times with offsite are a good idea

there's 50 tips for being effective in the street. might come back and add more later. i'm not the 'expert' and YMMV and you can disagree and your city might operate differently. that said:

i can tell you these are learned lessons from years out there & if you use them you'll do a lot, lot better than if you dont. you and your crew will be safer, and youll achieve your objectives more often. ounce of prevention worth a pound of cure. put in the work, and let's win.

---

End transcript. People should take a look at that thread because it is being constantly updated with a lot of good information. Stay safe out there and fight this shit.

Source: https://mobile.twitter.com/jessfromonline/status/1268620358950649858

[f-nodragonart]

Are predators in general smarter than prey, or is it the opposite? And why would that be?

so first off, intelligence is a tricky subject to even identify, much less to quantify or grade on a hierarchy. we humans are HEAVILY biased in what kinds of intelligence we consider valid, not to even MENTION more specific cultural biases therein. we humans tend to base a lot of our intelligence testing on social skills and abstract thinking, b/c we’re a social species that has the tools/language to properly communicate the abstractions that float through our heads. not every animal (predator OR prey) is social, nor do many of them have the tools at their disposal to communicate abstract thoughts. and that’s even IF they have abstract thoughts in the first place, which they certainly *might* (plenty of species have been shown to grasp abstractions within human testing environments), but they wouldn’t always necessarily NEED to understand abstractions for their survival, depending on the abstractions in question. cognitive maps are an example of an abstraction that would be practical for, say, a traveling animal to develop and use, but this isn’t always the case for certain abstract intelligence tests

thus, things like sociality and more anthropomorphic abstract reasoning simply can’t be parameters of intelligence for non-social animals that may have little reason to think abstractly in the ways we do. hell, intelligence shouldn’t even *be* graded/compared in the first place, due to this complexity. and I’m certainly not the first to make this argument– human IQ testing is p wack and based on a lot of ableist and racist eugenic ideals, for example, which truly only reveal the test’s contextual shortcomings 

when questioning the intelligence of a nonhuman animal, we HAVE to be incredibly careful to take the animal’s specific circumstances into account and frame the test around what THEY may be expected to naturally do based on their abilities and past behavior– not what we’d expect a HUMAN to do in a similar situation. the ways in which animals may respond to certain stimuli/situations may seem confusing or stupid to us, but in-context may make perfect sense given their natural habitats, circumstances that animal has had to deal with in the past, the range of their sensory abilities, etc.

and even beyond all that, the pred/prey boundary in general is kinda false and grey, which further complicates this question. life is not as simple as slotting all animal species into two preset boxes, and most animals can be both predator and prey (and scavenger) depending on the situation and how we decide to analyze their life and behavior. not to mention that vague pred/prey groupings encompass VASTLY different clades of animals with different neurological setups from one another, from insects to fish to mammals. while humans tend to think of mammals as the most intelligent clade b/c we ourselves are mammals, that’s just a false assumption and I won’t be making that silly distinction here

but if we rly want to try comparing animal intelligence, then, “intelligence is measured in animals by their ability to learn from situations they are exposed to. Learning stems from what is called phenotypic plasticity, which allows for short-term and long-term changes in behavior to permit individuals to adapt to changing situations or environments.” (x) thus, some of the most informative tests of ‘intelligence’ in nonhuman animals are those that study adaptability to new situations. every organism has some level of adaptability b/c that’s just life and evolution, so seeing how adaptable an animal is to new/tricky problems can reveal interesting insights into their capacity for learning and change

now I must reiterate– there does NOT seem to be much solid evidence for either preds or prey being more or less intelligent due to the complexities I detailed above. BUT I will throw some food for thought your way– just some of my armchair theorizing. and for the sake of simplifying my point for this, you can assume that the predators I’m talking abt are exclusively apex, obligate predators, and the prey are obligate herbivores, giving us a more simplistic hard-line of comparison

so, generally speaking, safety+time+energy are the big things an animal has to worry abt in the most basic bare-bones of survival. an animal that has guaranteed safety and/or free time/energy can use that extra time/energy to, say, explore a new situation out of pure curiosity, develop non-essential skills, or to simply play. animals that don’t have this guarantee of safety+time+energy that encounter a novel situation are more likely to flee or fight out of fear for theirconstantly-threatened safety and scant energy stores. while this isn’t specifically a sign of intelligence, it is an interesting development that’s worth noting

that in mind, many apex predators have more safety since they’re prolly not being hunted by anybody, so they don’t have to waste time/energy being vigilant for their lives. additionally, a lot of top predators like lions or wolves can usually gorge on a large meal once and can go at least a few days or longer before the energy from that meal is eaten up and they HAVE to hunt again. and I’ve also heard that it generally takes longer to digest protein-rich food? so preds just need to rest more to digest anyways. a lot of prey, on the other hand, must always be on guard for preds, and have to constantly keep eating b/c their chosen plant matter (particularly leaves/grass for grazers) doesn’t have as high energy levels per unit

though this is of course being very generous in assuming that the preds in question have a decent hunting success rate and are bringing down large kills– hunters still have to dedicate time/energy to finding/capturing food, and there are plenty of preds that live on the edge of starvation. and on the flipside, there are plenty of prey species that DO lead relatively safe/lax lifestyles just b/c they’re so goddamn huge that they rarely have to worry abt being hunted (like elephants), or they may live in large groups where only a few individuals need to keep watch for the group’s safety, thus they have free time/energy to play/explore

tho there’s also an argument to be made that adversity– rather than safety– actively pushes the development of new skills. after all, tools aren’t invented unless there’s a need for them, and the needs of survival can lead to some incredible solutions to tough situations. so, one could argue that the starving predators or fear-fueled prey are the most intelligent, as they are living on the razor’s edge of survival, yet they’re still going using whatever tricks they can

though none of this rly answers whether preds or prey are smarter– just complicates that question further with more examples of diverse lifestyles among the two groups. this isn’t rly the cut-and-dry question that a lot of ppl seem to think it is, sorry to say. but that’s just how ethology is– it’s all abt context and educated assumptions

-Mod Spiral

#ask #anonymous #mod spiral #behavior #intelligence

[n0nesse]

𝐅𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒   ♡   𝐒𝐘𝐌𝐁𝐎𝐋 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄

  Instead of having people send these in I just wanted to do all of them myself!

🍍  :    how comfortable is my muse in their body? how do they feel about their height,  weight,  strength,  and body type?  how important is being attractive to them?  

All Scanners share virtually the same physical form, and all YoRHa units use the same base endoskeleton, though the hardware differs between function. They’re short and small-framed to save the maximum amount of materials while still being able to effectively perform their duties. 9S has never felt self-conscious about himself physically because he looks almost identical to every other Scanner and there was never any pressure on any of them to look a certain way like there is with humans. They have no ability to change their height or weight (though non-YoRHa androids can do so for aesthetic purposes if they choose) and it’s forbidden by their uniform code to modify their bodies anyway. 

Since coming to Koi, 9S is quite aware now that he would be very short for a human of his apparent age, but he doesn’t feel bad about it or anything, other than occasionally being irritated at getting mistaken for a kid.

🍅  :    how does my muse feel about plastic  /  cosmetic surgeries   &   procedures?  is it something they have done or would do?  do they mind if others do it?  

As mentioned before, it’s forbidden for YoRHa units to try and alter their bodies, even if it’s for something like a tattoo or piercing. 9S doesn’t feel like he has any reason to do so right now, but that might change in the future. He doesn’t care if others do it. It’s their choice to do what they want with their bodies, as long as they understand the consequences.

🍏  :    how stable is my muse’s physical health?  do they go for regular or semi-regular checkups by a physician?  do they have any diagnosed illnesses and / or take any medication?  how often do they get sick?

9S knows maintenance is extremely important, and he is fairly accident-prone it seems. He’s had a limb or two blown off by machines more than once. Although he’s not a Healer unit, he’s gotten used to performing repairs on himself in the field and gets fussy if he has to sit around and wait while someone else fixes him up or checks him for viruses. As an android, he’s immune to biological pathogens, so there’s never any reason to worry about that. Currently he is functioning just fine.

🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health?  have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they or should they attend therapy?  

An android’s mind doesn’t work the same way as a human’s, but it’s still very possible for their data to get scrambled or glitched due to trauma. 9S was supposedly wiped clean after every execution, but that doesn’t mean nothing ever remained, and every time he rediscovered the true reason for his partnership with 2B it became more and more painful to confront. 

9S does an excellent job at convincing himself he’s stable, but it’s quite easy to push him over the brink. His emotions are terribly repressed so one needs only to scratch the surface to draw them out. He really should talk to somebody about this but there are no therapists on the Bunker.

🍑  :    how meticulously does my muse look after their physical appearance?  do they spend a lot of time on their hair,  makeup,  grooming,  and clothing?  is there a particular reason why they do or don’t?  

9S really likes to be clean! Although it’s not necessary for androids to bathe, since their bodies are naturally resistant to dirt and moisture and they don’t sweat, he doesn’t enjoy getting all dusty or covered in machine oil and will wash himself off the first chance he gets.  He finds being dirty very distracting. Keeping one’s dermal layer repaired is a vial part of maintenance as well, so he mends any small cuts or scuffs quickly. 

🍒  :    how much does my muse value companionship?  do they constantly keep people around them,  or do they prefer to be alone often?  do they have or desire to have many friends?  do they see every meeting as an opportunity to make a new friend?  

Although Scanners are often solitary, 9S really enjoys being around others and will eagerly socialize with other androids. If only the resistance members wouldn’t stop trying to get him to run errands for them... He’s friendly with the other Scanners and will spend time with them if they’re on the Bunker together, though they seem to hold him at arms’ length for reasons he understands now. 

2B is a special case, being his bodyguard of sorts. She could even be considered his best friend, and though his feelings of fondness for her are genuine, they’re very complicated. He’s happy she’s here. He’s also thrilled to be making so many new friends on the islands and does his best to make a good first impression, especially with humans. 

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?  

9S was ‘born’ fully-functional and did not have a childhood of any sort. He didn’t even get to shadow a senior Scanner or anything, he was thrown right to the wolves. Such as it is.

🍐  :    how intelligent is my muse overall?  are they smarter than the average person,  or less than?  are they primarily self-taught,  or did they acquire most of their knowledge in school?  are they more street smart or book smart?  

Uncommonly clever and observant, even among his own kind, though prone to making reckless decisions when driven by his emotions or his insatiable desire for answers. 9S has access to vast informational databases he can draw from, even in his own archives, with even more stored on his Pod he could summon at any time... if his Pod was here.

🍉  :    which of the four seasons suits my muse best,  and why?  

Winter. Everything is buried, dormant, appearing quiet and serene on the surface.

🍌  :    is my muse inclined to help others,  or will they only do it when it benefits them,  if at all?  what makes them this way?  has it ever gotten them into trouble,  or inconvenienced them? 

9S doesn’t mind helping others, though he can get irritated if given tasks he feels will distract from his mission, or that are boring or too difficult. When it comes to helping the surface androids, they more often than not involve combat with machines and him and 2B risking their lives, which he finds completely annoying, and not fun, but he still does it anyway.

🍊  :    does my muse desire romance?  is it something they would actively seek out,  or prefer to happen more  ‘  naturally?  ’  what is their love life like?  do they have any exes or past flings,  or crushes?  

Relationships between YoRHa units are officially banned, though the rule is not enforced very strictly. 9S has a hard time comprehending the complexity of romance and prefers not to think about it, perhaps unconsciously convinced he doesn’t deserve to have anybody feel that way about him. 

🍓  :    how is my muse typically seen by others?  does it ring true to who they really are?  does their reputation matter to them? 

I would imagine, based on his youthful appearance and friendly, earnest demeanor, a lot of people would assume he’s a lot more naive than he really is. 9S lacks a lot of knowledge about how modern society functions, but that’s because he arrived 6,000 years too late to the party. He picks up on things extremely quickly and is quite socially perceptive. Fitting in is important to him, having come from such a conformist culture as YoRHa. 

🥝  :    does my muse have any  ‘  unusual  ’  habits, interests,  and  /  or talents?  do they hide it,  or are they proud of it?  

9S is more interested in human culture than most Scanners and especially enjoys collecting human-created media, particularly music, which he stores on his Pod and plays when he’s out scouting. He’s had a great time in Koi renting movies from the library, because entertainment options back home were extremely limited. He’s also gotten into fishing because of 2B.

🍋  :    what kind of diet does my muse have?  do they eat regularly,  or the standard 2-3 meals a day?  do they have to be reminded to eat,  or are they likely to remind others?  do they cook,  or have others cook for them?  do they eat healthily,  or not so much?  

As an android, 9S doesn’t require food to live. He can’t feel hunger or satiation. YoRHa units are powered entirely by the reactors in their black boxes, which only require water to function. Most of the time they can get all the fuel they need from vapor in the air they breathe, though in dry climates they’d need to find a water source. 

However, eating is an important communal activity, so they have a limited ability to do so. They don’t have stomachs or digestive systems. Any matter they consume is incinerated as soon as it’s swallowed. As a Scanner, 9S can analyze the chemical makeup of things he tastes, so he’s always putting weird shit in his mouth just to see what it’s made of. He enjoys eating with others, especially after difficult missions. It’s relaxing, even if the food is usually terrible because nobody has proper ingredients.

🥭  :    how important to my muse is their hometown,  or where they’re from?  are they proud of it,  or considered a hometown hero? did they move away,  or do they wish to?

9S doesn’t have a hometown, unless the orbital base he was manufactured on counts. He doesn’t like spending extended amounts of time there, because there’s not much to do, but returning is often required in order to meet with the commander and receive mission details. It’s kinda nice to be able to look down at Earth from space, though...

#headcanon

[obsidianarchives]

The Importance of Creating Worlds for Young Black Readers

**This piece contains SPOILERS for Children of Virtue and Vengeance and Daughters of Nri.

The field of fantasy in the fiction world has predominantly been comprised of white writers. While many authors, like Kai Ashante Wilson and N.K. Jemisin, worked hard to break down that barrier, we're just starting to see an increase in the number of diverse authors coming into the field and bringing their African roots with them. This transition is essential in our modern society to provide more representation not just for Black people but also for our traditions and rich history. From Lagos to Wakanda, a fusion of the past and newly created stories has merged into an explosion of love, launching a journey of rediscovery for Black people. 

Authors like Tomi Adeyemi (Legacy of Orisha trilogy) and Reni K. Amayo (Daughters of Nri), have successfully introduced Nigerian heritage in their writing; Adeyemi honours the Yorùbá tribe, while Amayo pays homage to the Igbo tribe, thus allowing our culture to exist and thrive within the fantasy realm. While we can't ignore our history and the excruciating ordeals of our ancestors, slavery has become the depiction of the African Diaspora, and unfortunately, portrays the absence of excellence which is reductive to our accomplishments. Books like Brown Girl Dreaming celebrate the eloquent poetry of Jacqueline Woodson and her interpretation of the Civil Rights movement era. A great example of how fiction allows us to retain our past and provides a platform for writers to create new worlds young Black readers want to exist in. 

Adeyemi's debut novel Children of Blood and Bone features a character named Amari, a princess in the mythical kingdom of Orïsha, where her father’s tyrannical rule plagues their land. In the first book of the trilogy, Zélie, the protagonist, was my favourite, however after reading the second in the series, Children of Virtue and Vengeance, I found myself rooting for Amari, her best friend, more. I was very invested in her character development throughout the story, as she transitioned from a timid girl into a warrior with newly discovered magical powers. 

As the story develops, Amari struggles with her father's legacy as she tries to do what's best for Orïsha. She strives to put the kingdom’s needs before her own, struggling to forge a new path as she fights to become queen. Readers begin to notice how her father's teachings and brutal training affect her decision making, inadvertently putting the people she's closest to at risk. Born a noble, Amari found it hard to empathise with Iyika — the maji resistance group — due to her tunnel-visioned approach to defeating their rivals in battle. In an attempt to gain loyalty and respect from them, she challenges an elder in the camp, and although she wins, they still refused to acknowledge her.

Over time Amari reflects on the tough decisions her father had to make as King, leading her to deviate from her original plan. Eventually, she chooses to sacrifice the lives of residents at a nearby village in a ploy to defeat her family, thus putting a further strain on her friendship with Zélie. The cause of the divide stems from Amari's desire to rule Orïsha as a better queen, after the manifestation of her magical powers in the ritual that concluded the previous book.

As she emerges as a tîtán — nobles with magic ancestry — Amari is keen to use her magic for good, but her new abilities come without a manual, and so she lacks the knowledge of the Yorùbá tradition required to harness and control it. We later discover that majis and tîtáns differ in the way they use their magic; while majis rely on spells to activate their powers, tîtáns are not bound by them since they possess blood magic in their veins. Moreover, having this unlimited access to these powers causes Amari to unintentionally hurt others when driven by rage, something she and other tîtáns had to work on when training with chants recited by the maji. She relied heavily on her instincts and advice from maji clan leaders in her quest to become queen.

Likewise, in the Return of the Earth Mother series, Amayo focuses on the self-discovery and journey of twin sisters separated at birth for their protection. Both born with magical powers unknown to them, Naala and Sinai encounter several obstacles that prompt them to question their existence and the rules plaguing their communities. I liked that although the main protagonists are twins, Amayo wrote each character with distinctive personalities in a complementing way that allows both individuals to learn from each other.

The ruler of their kingdom, Eze, has hunted down sets of twins over time to prevent a prophecy foreshadowing that his reign would be ended by one. In the Igbo spiritual realm, Chukwu is the supreme spirit that created the universe and creator of the Mother, birthing life on earth. The Eze is now in possession of the Mother’s crystal that gives him unlimited access to unimaginable power, but only a type of being can access it. So, an onus falls on the girls to use their magic as demi-gods to defeat him.

In the early chapters of the story we meet Naala, due to get married in an hour. Still wearing her bridal gown, she hesitates and ponders what life would look like outside the village. Naala, raised on the outskirts of Nri is the more courageous and feisty twin, constantly questions the decisions and customs of the villagers, consequently resulting in punishment for her defiance. Her lack of discipline in decision-making is also mirrored in her magical abilities as she struggles to control her powers. Initially, her magic is sparked accidentally and is often triggered when her mind is in a chaotic state, so, though it frightened her initially, it almost acts as an anchor to keep her internally grounded.

As the story unfolds, we learn that though Naala has lived in the village all her life, she never belonged there. She sensed that a part of her was missing and following an attack against her people, she makes the brave decision to run away, and embarks on a journey with her companions, as she attempts survival outside her comfort zone. Likewise, her sister Sinai learns more about the complexity of nobles and their way of life before fleeing the royal city on a quest for survival, not knowing how her life is about change. 

Unlike Naala, Sinai lives in the city of Nri, several miles from the village. She displays a certain naivety to the actions of nobles within the palace and shies away from attention. Over time she learns that to prevail in her trials she has to completely surrender to her purpose, and being her authentic self informs her decisions.

This story of survival incorporates the values and experiences many young women face today because as we get older, we make more difficult choices in life. Inspiring stories like these can help us get through them. We need more magical books that present real models to inspire, inform and empower the younger generation in a world where they may have to try twice as hard to excel. For younger kids, in particular, our history needs to be presented in a digestible form and not so full of struggle and pain to the extent of trauma, so a fictional version is required. When certain characters in the story encounter problems, readers get to experience this journey with them and, as such, learn how they approach it rather than reading about them as facts and figures. Powerful young women like Naala and Sinai and Amari and Zélie encourage other young Black people through their stories and teach them to reach for the stars and realise their potential. 

It's here, and it's working. But we need more of it!

#Black Girl Magic #Children of Blood and Bone #Daughters of Nri #Fantasy #Books

[thehappymessproject]

96-98/100 - Boundaries and the delicate art of disappointing people

For a very long time, I used to teach my patients how to assert their needs, set their boundaries and communicate their grievances and didn’t understand why that specific process seemed to be so hard to grasp for so many of them. 

I had to learn about smaller parts about the human mind and heart to finally get what was stopping them (and myself, to a certain extent) : our need to be (seen as) good and nice, for social approval was stronger than our self-love in those moments. 

By avoiding to disappoint people too much, we end up losing our sense of self and therefore boundaries.  

Here are a few steps to a healthier direction.

It all starts with our need to be loved.

Everybody wants to be loved

We all do. Not necessarily by everyone, but at least a couple of other humans. 

It is in our genetic code and ingrained all over our body to love and collaborate : humans are one of those species which need to socialise in order to survive. It’s written in our DNA that rejection is bad thing. 

But our modern culture got us all twisted thinking that means we always have to be nice. That’s not kind at all (for no one) : that’s performative kindness. 

The truth is : someone who is constantly nice with everyone builds up vicious feelings of resentment, passive agression and (self-)hate. We need to be kind when it really matters to us, not because we want to be seen as nice or not mean. 

And sometimes (often), the person we really need to be kind towards is ourselves. When we lack the self-compassion to get out of painful situations, or the self-kindness to be ready to make time and space for good things to us, we can’t really be that nice. We just don’t know how or what it is. 

Since we never experienced that kindness, we can’t give it to others. It needs to starts within to truly feel like ours. Our love for others is bound by the limits of our love to ourselves. 

That means that sometimes, we need to put ourselves first to be really kind. And sometimes, it will not be well received, especially by people that have benefitting of our lack of boundaries. 

Just because someone is really upset by the boundaries we want to set, it doesn’t mean that we did anything wrong by setting them. 

This here might be the single most important thing to learn first. When we we heal, we have to learn how to set boundaries. It will be messy to do so, and uncomfortable, and awkward, and imperfect, and sometimes even bloody (hopefully not literally). 

Some people will absolutely reacts badly. 

But here’s another key :

We are not responsible for others’ emotional states

Others’ reaction are THEIR reaction. Yes, we can influence the way they feel, and yes, we need to take them into account, but if we do it to our expense constantly, we will always be unhappy about our interactions. 

In order to be in authentic relationships, we need to face uncomfortable and painful feelings. We need to be willing to our goofy, clumsy, weird, awkward self. But that’s not all of it.

We need to accept that others will sometimes suffer from our behaviour and words. We all do terrible things to people we love, hopefully most of them are done unknowingly. 

We will disappoint people, wether we are super careful, or completely careless about it. People get disappointed when they have expectations that are unmet, and all of us do have expectations at some point or another. 

Just because you disappointed someone doesn’t mean you are responsible for the emotions that disappointment brought along. You are responsible for : your actions, your choices (not choosing and not doing anything is a choice), your words. 

It is never your job to make people change the way they feel, you don’t have that kind of power, no one does. 

Here are the three steps I share with patients about owning up to our mistakes.  “You have got 3 jobs when you do something bad if you care about what you did or the person you hurt” :  - acknowledging what we did and its consequences (without making excuses)  - apologizing (here is an essay about giving better apologies) - repairing what we can (if we can’t, making sure we don’t reiterate)

People getting upset after something we did is a consequence of our actions, one we are accountable for, and also one we can’t repair right away. When someone is hurt, what done is done. You can’t undo it. 

You have to let them digest what happened, assess how they feel about it and decide what they want to communicate about. Let them be. 

It is also their experience. We need to let them deal with that disappointment on their own terms, ideally after our apologies, definitely without us harassing them for their forgiveness in order to feel less guilty. Give them some space.

Most importantly : take care of your own guilt by yourself. Ask yourself what you learnt from this that can be useful in the future. What you want to avoid and/or repeat. What you could have done differently.  

Because, you know what?

We are not in control of their emotions either

Another key principle. Both concepts come from being ashamed, uncomfortable or fearful, and feeling the need to change the situation in order to change the feelings involved. 

When we are so ashamed that we try to change how others feel, we actually tend to make it worse. We will over do it, manipulate them, deny, not listen, be passively (or actively) agressive, lie, use cheap tricks, intellectualise... 

More importantly : we will disconnect from them. No relational issue can be resolved when there is a disconnect. Ever. 

If someone’s disappointment makes them react very intensely, understand that no rational conversation can take place. If the intensity is too great, we need to stop the interaction if we want to limit the damages. 

“I need a break, this is too intense for me right now. But I really want to work this out with you. Can we talk about it when we both feel calmer?” is one of the most compassionate and helpful things one can say when an interaction escalates to a level of high intensity. 

Also, don’t forget : others’ emotions tell us a lot about their experience, not about who we are. Not one of my patients or friends in the process of emotional growth didn’t have to disappoint quite a bunch of people on the journey, even if rarely on purpose. 

When our heart grows, our needs, wants and tolerance will always change. Our relationships will naturally change over time because of it, and if we are brave enough to voice our new wants and needs, others will absolutely react to this. 

When we set new boundaries in old relationships, it is absolutely normal, and even a good sign to upset people around us : we are disrupting the statu quo, the way it was. 

A lot of people don’t want things around them to change, it doesn’t feel safe, they don’t feel in control anymore. So when we change they will often make moves telling us to “change back!”. 

Those reactions don’t mean we shouldn’t have changed, they are just saying “I am uncomfortable with the way things change” and asking “Are you really serious about that?”. If we are serious, we need to show them that we are by asserting our ground and accepting the discomfort going with it. It is scary, but it is so worth it. 

Live and let live

So here we are. 

Basically most relational issues will have two sorts of roots “I’m not allowing myself to be and express who I am enough” or “I am trying desperately to control others, their feelings and/or the outcome and it doesn’t work”. 

Both are almost the same : when we allow ourselves to be who we really are and to voice our truth, we don’t feel the need to control or to judge. The more we focus on being our fuller self, the more we naturally let others be theirs in our relationships too (if they want to). 

Sometimes being ourselves is accepting we don’t enjoy people around us anymore, and we need to decide if we want to engage less in those relationships, experimenting with other ways of interacting, or just end them. 

Sometimes, it’s more about accepting we don’t have the power to change things besides the little things actually in our control, like how we react to what we feel, the words we choose to use or what we prioritize in a crisis. 

It is going to be a bigger shift to navigate if we tend to blame others for what we feel. If we are a pursuer (see this essay to see the different kinds of ways of dealing with stress in a relationship), it is going to feel so much like we have to resolve that problem in this relationship to go on with our life. 

My advice : stop yourself at any sign of emergency in your relationships. A feeling of emergency is so often about our coping mechanisms and not actual danger. Except if there’s an immediate physical danger of one of the parties involved, nothing is that urgent. 

I used to find an issue in one of my important relationships anytime I would feel in intense distress. Like many of us, I would take all my energy to “think” (read : ruminate) about it and by doing so avoiding what I really wanted to do... 

And kept procrastinating everything that really mattered to me because it would took so much of my time and energy.

When I started to instead shift from “OMG this relationship is too painful I need to resolve this now” to “Ah, this old feeling of feeling abandoned and lonely. How can I take better care of myself right now?”, something magical happened. I became freer and freer, and could finally step out of the drama step by step.

Sometimes my coping mechanisms would bring me to feel like this about several relationships at the time, which felt like an even bigger and more urgent issue. Then, focusing on myself would be even more fulfilling. 

I taught myself and many others this precious statement “This is your time and energy. You feel down, so it is your job to use them for you rather than for others right now. If it’s still an issue when you feel better, then you know it’s a real issue and not a just defensive reaction”. 

It’s harder to repeat it to ourselves when really stressed out, but again, each time we do, we feel stronger, freer and more grounded (rather than more bitter, helpless and frustrated). Those 3 emotions are the first signs of our heart getting bigger and stronger. Even if we also also feel lonely and scared, as anyone willing to stretch out of their comfort zone will tend to. 

So go ahead, go disappoint people for the right reasons for once : you’ll feel less and less disappointed in yourself :) 

Speak soon,  Love,  L. 

#boundaries #setting limits #disappoinment #self esteem #depression #anxiety #counselling #psychologist #therapist #writer #the happy mess project #100 days project #100 days of writing

[tsgbatonrougelouisiana]

SCOUTED SPOTLIGHT — with Becky Walker of The Design Studio

How did you get started in the design business?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve veen obsessed with design and fashion. As a young girl growing up in New Orleans, I remember constantly rearranging my bedroom while keeping things clean and organized. I loved to look at pictures of interior design and fashion magazines.  After high school graduation, I was originally headed towards Fashion Apparel at LSU. However, I quickly figured out that a degree in Interior Design would potentially provide more opportunity. Another bonus was that I enjoyed it just as much as the fashion world. The interesting thing is most of my family is in the medicine field. I definitely got my interest of design, fashion and social event planning from my mother, Percy Russo, and my organizational skills and work ethic from my father, Dr. Courtney Russo.  

After receiving my Bachelor’s degree of Interior Design from LSU, I worked 10 years for a contract furniture group in Baton Rouge. This time not only made me aware of what I wanted to achieve in business, but it also taught me what not to do in business. During those years I passed my national qualification exams (NCIDQ) and received my Louisiana Interior Design License, which enabled me to start my own business. In 2003 I started The Design Studio and over the last 15 years we have grown and incorporated different divisions including: Commercial, Multi-Family Apartment Development, Contract Residential and Residential Retail. In 2015, I started TDS Staging Products and Services. This service ultimately assists with production builders, such as our partners Level Homes, and other real estate sectors that need our staging expertise services to help sell properties.  

Please share the history of The Design Studio.

As mentioned above, The Design Studio started in July of 2003. Amazingly, my husband, Len Walker, and I were blessed with our son in October 2003. I basically had two babies to take care of at the same time and have raised them together ever since. It certainly was a challenge and lots of sacrifice but with the support of my husband, lots of prayer and determination, I am happy to say we continue to operate and grow 15 years later. The years 2008, 2009, 2010 took a toll on The Design Studio. The financial recession was real! I had a staff of five and had to unfortunately let our whole talented and amazing team go due to the recession. It was one of the most horrific times I had ever experienced.I held in there, put my heels in the ground and worked until things started improving. Now we have a new team of amazing and talented members who continue to impress me every day. We have expanded each division of services and products, started a secondary company and maintain a side business that coordinates social events for Americana and Rouzan neighborhood developments, another passion of mine. Our continued success is due to the love, support and faith we have from our clients. If it was not from their support, we would not be a success. We owe it to them for their continued business and the opportunity to create successful end results.  

Since starting TDS what have been the biggest lesson you’ve learned?

The big one that really steered us towards the opportunity to success was becoming diversified. I can remember when at LSU our professors would tell us, choose an industry you like and only focus on that. After the recession I said “forget that.” After surviving the recession, I was only going to diversify our company. I was never going to put all of our eggs in one basket again. I truly feel it has been the reason for our continued growth. I am always open to considering how to continue to diversify our services and products.  

How do you handle setbacks?  

Ask anyone who works with me or knows me well, I preach about “do not react.” Take each scenario or setback, think it through, come up with a plan or strategy for the best end results and then handle it. Your end results will typically be more of a win-win for everyone involved.  

What is the best advice you’ve been given?

“Don’t over sell”.

Hire individuals that are smarter and more talented than you.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

If you make a mistake, take responsibility and commit to making it right.  

What advice would you give someone considering entering your field of work?

Put your seatbelt on —you’re in for a ride!

What is one of the most fun parts of your job?

Watching our clients reactions after a reveal!  Worth it all.

Collaborating with our staff. Not only is our team super talented and hardworking but these are some of the funniest and entertaining individuals I have been around. They make me laugh every day. We work hard and play hard!

What are you top 5 must-haves for any home?

Unique and amazing light fixtures. Light fixtures and lamps are the finishing touches of the interior architecture.

Functional layout and millwork.

Personalized touch.

Kick ass wall covering.

Of course, amazing throw pillows.

When you’re not busy designing beautiful spaces, what do you and your family do for fun?

Len, Jack and I love spending time with social activities. We have a tailgate krew (LTTK) for LSU games that we love being a part of here in Baton Rouge. We love to travel on long trips or just a weekend trip to NOLA. We love spending time at our River House aka “camp” on Old River in Bachelor, La. We ride our party barge, go skiing, tubing and jet ski, as well as watching LSU away games. We just recently started to enjoy attending Catholic High Football Games - GEAUX BEARS!

What are words you live by?

It’s really my Dad’s quote: “Take it day by day and pray.” The other words I live by are, “Don’t react to things, take time to digest and allow yourself time to respond to achieve a successful end result.”

Trends to stay:    

Neutral backgrounds (We love a good white) with soft accent colors.

Painted brick

Brass details

Simple Drapery / Window treatments

Living rooms you can actually LIVE in

Open floor plans

USB ports and electrical access in the kitchen

Sophisticated Home Technology (iPhone remote-controlled, hello future living!)

Original artwork

Acrylic everything

Wallpaper has made a huge comeback and we are loving it, but only the right patterns and textures are welcome to stay indefinitely

Trends to go:

Bold Accent Colors

French Country

Oil Rubbed Bronze

Mudroom Lockers

Granite counter tops

Mass-produced artwork  

Heavy overdone draperies / mini blinds

Unused formal living rooms

Chevron print

#thescoutguidebatonrouge #scouted #livelovelocal