#abandon all hope ye who enter here

[cellarspider]

The Prometheus rant.

⛬ | (Index) | (Next)

I have promised a dissection of the movie Prometheus. It begins.

So, to summarize, and give you a taste of what we're in for. 

I am a geneticist with a background in history, including some undergraduate archaeological field work. I'm deeply interested in linguistics as a hobby. Prometheus manages to be stupid in every one of these fields.

But I absolutely love H.R. Giger aesthetic, the cinematography is beautiful, and whoever did the editing was absolutely solid because the movie consistently cuts slow scenes at moments when the cuts feel just slightly jarring. It’s a very subtle way to maintain tension.

The soundtrack holds the intended tone well, the practical effects are numerous and impressive, and even though their story completely undermines it, they got an actual academic linguist to work with them on the language stuff: the guy actually has a speaking role in the film, as a virtual tutor of a reconstructed language he taught to one of the actors.

And on top of all that, there's at least one scene in the movie which is just unbelievably tense and well-executed body horror. It’s the scene everybody mentions as a highlight when they talk about the movie. So, it's a successful movie in so many ways.

But.

The writing does not back this up. There are stretches that are fine, even elevated by some of the performances. But you can feel the movie shift any time a scene has plot relevance, or a character is supposed to do their job. 

Unlike Alien, where the main cast making dumb decisions is believable because they're a bunch of space cargo haulers and maintenance people who are not supposed to have any relevant expertise for the situation they find themselves in, Prometheus' characters are supposed to be scientists, doctors, and the best a trillionaire could buy for a mission that he expected would

make first contact between technologically modern humans and a race of aliens that had visited Earth thousands of years ago

convince said aliens to give him the secret to eternal youth, because he's an old rich asshole

so when things start going wrong, I felt less like "oh no these poor bastards don't know what the fuck they're getting into" and more like "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CONTAMINATING AN ALIEN ARCHAEOLOGICAL SITE YOU BASTARDS"

this approximately culminates in a scene where the last surviving alien on the planet is woken from two thousand years of emergency stasis, gets talked at in something very much like Proto-Indo-European by Michael Fassbender at the behest of the old rich asshole, while a woman screams in English in the background. The alien proceeds to rip Fassbender's head off and beats the old man to death with it, which is just the funniest goddamn thing

That’s the TL;DR. Yes, really.

The actual rant will start next time.  Well. Part One of the rant. This is going to be a multi-parter, because I want anyone who follows me on this journey to understand how the movie builds up into such a mess, and get some actual science out of this.

⛬ | (Index) | (Next)

#Prometheus 2012 #Abandon all hope ye who enter here #but bring some popcorn

[thelampisaflashlight]

Dew, standing outside of Aether's room: "Right, if I'm not out in ten minutes, just abandon me and save yourselves. Don't risk coming in."

Swiss, saluting him: "You're the bravest man I know."

Rain, sniffling: "We were supposed to play Catan tonight..."

Cumulus, patting Rain, whispering: "We're still gonna play Catan, you know Dew doesn't play anyway..."

Dew: "Cumulus is right, I just like chewing on the robber." -places his hand on the door- "Okay." -swings the door open- "Aeth, buddy, I brought you some medicine and a bag of sna-"

Aether, shuffling around weeping: "Deeeeewwwwww... I think I'm dyiiiing..." -hiccupping sob followed by a sneezing fit- "Guuuuhhh... I see death approaching... Why is he so short-"

Dew: "That's just me, you assh-"

Swiss, slamming the door shut: "..." -stands up straight- "So Catan."

Rain, cheering: "Yay!"

Cumulus, gesturing at the door: "We're just going to leave him?"

Swiss: "We knew this was the outcome from the start, lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate... as they say. Once you enter the realm of a sickly ghoul, you seldom leave... Not for a whole thirty minutes at least."

#Lamp rambles #shitghosting #nameless ghouls #dewdrop ghoul #swiss ghoul #rain ghoul #cumulus ghoulette #aether ghoul #ghost band #the band ghost #abandon all hope ye who enter here

[6love6bites6]

#abandon all hope ye who enter here

[notdelusionalatall]

#abandon all hope ye who enter here #halloween #halloween aesthetic #haunted #haunted aesthetic #haunted house aesthetic #haunted house #haunt the house #ghost #ghosts #ghost aesthetic #haunt the house game #scary games #ghost games #not to brag but #i won #online games #video games #games #game #gaming

[massivewaffle]

My name is now canon to the QSMP because apparently I share the name of the fucking Rebel boat lmaoooo

#QSMP #Abandon all Hope ye who enter here #just sayin

[chironeis]

I love the coffee theory. it will not save us

#abandon all hope ye who enter here #good omens #good omens spoilers

[lockhartandlych]

nick valentine was my dilf and robofucker awakening

#fallout #nick valentine #abandon all hope ye who enter here #you will come out wanting to fuck the toaster #it's a slippery slope

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Oh, I know for a fact that it is not.

Miami is the Florida of Florida; whatever you think that means, you're wrong, it's worse than that.

#duolingo #español #miami #florida #miami florida #hell on earth #cesspit #abandon all hope ye who enter here

[hampal]

Soon

#abandon all hope ye who enter here

[countbarov]

personally I don’t think Buddie is gonna happen. I think the writers are going to do everything in their power to stop it from happening. I have given up all hope

#9-1-1 #9-1-1 season 6 #buddie #what my sister doesn't know is that I ALMOST got into Supernatural for the gay ship but I recognized it wouldn't happen pretty early on #that was probably season 6? as it was airing? #and I get the same feeling from Buddie right now #abandon all hope ye who enter here

[gwarden123]

#why did I listen to this? #earworm #abandon all hope ye who enter here #bump to the bump to the bump to the bass #god!

[arkhamm]

𝕐𝕠 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕡,  𝕀’𝕧𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕖 𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕪 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕒 𝕕𝕖𝕔𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝔸𝕄𝔸

#hello to anyone who might be new to tumblr #abandon all hope ye who enter here #but yeah I've witnessed the last decade of this site first hand and lived so AMA #twitter #tumblr #new to tumblr #greetings from tumblr #I dunno what else to tag this to try and get it out there??? I guess

[hades-422]

Welcome, Brave traveller...

I see you have finally discovered THE HIVEMIND.

But that does not mean that you have an understanding of what you are thrusting yourself into...

There will be tales shared. Many of anguish and suffering, but not every story must end in a tragedy.

From worlds wrought by endless winters, to some not quite different from our own. There are many to be found.

But now I warn, that those of a frail heart or muddled conscience, to beware that which they might find.

And to those who still consider themselves to be fit to handle the journey ahead, I have one last thing to say...

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

#literature #short story #original story #18+ content #abandon all hope ye who enter here

[victusinveritas]

#roses are red #abandon all hope ye who enter here

[ziggy-solarecreator]

from @theshitpostcalligrapher

#blog #weirdo #abandon all hope ye who enter here

[ptompetompetomalleyways]

if anyone was curious there is a hell and it is called uniform shopping.

#a desolate place #abandon all hope ye who enter here #think i just lost like ten years off my lifespan