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forlorn-crows · 11 months

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its time!

For my fellow Mount lover, In what i've named “The Spreader Bar Chronicles” I'm tasking you with, soft, sweet Mounty. Praising, worshiping, *loving* Shy Aether. Im going to be just a little picky about this, you dont have to use the exact line but something abouts “you take care of everyone so well, let me take care of *you* for once” very centered around aether just relaxing, letting go, not having to work for his enjoyment. The spreader bar, not to be a punishment, or restriction, but cautionary, so mount has all the room in the world to work. To leave Aether exposed, vulnerable. Naked But Safe.

I am so very excited to see what comes of this, kiss kiss<3

uhh aether def starts out shy but i think he got a lil too horny in there. but he's being reallllyyy good for his mountain, dont worry.

trans aether this time. bc we all know how i feel about his short fat [redacted]

Aether digs his fingers into Mountain's thigh, gripping a little tighter as the earth ghoul's lithe fingers dip into his wet folds. Touching just for the sake of touching, indulging in the little whines he receives when the pads of the digits skim over Aether's fat length.

"How's that?" Mountain asks softly, pressing a kiss to the quintessence ghoul's temple.

He bites his lip, gives a short nod of the head. His legs twitch against the spreader bar at his ankles. It took a little coaxing to get Aether to let him tighten the leather straps there, situate the connected wooden bar so that his legs stayed spread, open. Vulnerable, Aether had said. But really, it's encouragement to relax, to take all that Mountain will lovingly give.

"You're so shy like this. It's alright, you know, to want to be taken care of." Mountain's fingers close around his clit and offer short, slow strokes. Indulgent. Intimate. Aether sighs, tipping his head back to thump against the earth ghoul's collarbone.

"I know. S' hard sometimes," he admits.

"You take care of everyone else constantly, darling. Let me take care of you for once, hm?"

His hips buck against Mountain's hand. "So do you," he protests.

"Hush. You can take care of me later," he tuts. He snakes his other hand up to a pebbled nipple before he can offer another retort. Pinches the pink bud between two fingers. Aether keens, dick throbbing in Mountain's hand.

"That's it," he encourages. "There you go."

“Feels good,” he groans. “Can you do them both? Just for a little bit.” Mountain hums in agreement, giving his length another stroke before bringing his hand up to the other nipple. He hooks his chin over the quintessence ghoul’s shoulder, watching as he swirls one finger around the buds.

“Fuck,” Aether breathes. His eyes slip closed, hands petting at Mountain’s thighs. The earth ghoul’s gentleness is accented with points of pleasure; a flick here, a pinch there. Playing with them until they turn a pretty mauve. He can feel Aether’s breath hitch when he moves to palm at his tits in earnest, perfectly sized to fit in the full span of Mountain’s hands.

“This okay?” Mountain asks, kneading at the flesh. He nuzzles into Aether’s cheek.

“Yeah,” he says, almost a whisper. “Shit, Mountain, that makes me so hard, keep doing it.”

“Mm, I can see that,” he hums, eyes flicking down to his cock, standing fat and flushed from out of his folds now. It kicks a little under his gaze. Aether’s legs twitch again, rattling the little metal hardware on the bar straps. “Wet too, I bet.”

Aether makes a gut-punched noise, arching with it. He doesn’t answer. Instead, he grabs one of Mountain’s hands and guides it back down to his cunt, pushing his fingers against his entrance where it is, indeed, very slick.

“You feel so good here,” Mountain praises. He pets his folds, coating his fingers. “Doing such a good job, letting me take care of you.” His fingers dip in just a little, pressing on his walls, just to feel. “Can I add a little something, pamper you some more?”

Aether nods, still lost in the feeling of his fingers. The earth ghoul reaches somewhere behind him, producing two small objects. He opens his hand to reveal a small bottle of lube and a small, clear silicone toy.

“Oh,” Aether breathes. “Yes. Please, yes.” The toy in question is a cock stroker, perfectly sized for his smaller length. Mountain squishes it slightly, the ribbed texture inside rubbing against itself.

“Allow me,” the earth ghoul rumbles. He squirts a few drops of lube inside, spreading it with his finger. He takes the excess and circles Aether’s dick with it, getting it even wetter. Aether watches and takes a shaky breath.

Mountain swirls the end of the sleeve around the tip of his clit, dipping the head of it in and out, in and out in slow movements. When Aether starts grabbing at his thighs again, he slides it on.

“Fuck. Mountain, please.” He twitches his hips into it. Struggles against the bar again, trying to clamp his thighs around Mountain’s hand. The outline of his length shows through the opaque material, the little head just poking out when Mountain squishes it all the way down.

“There you go; feels good, doesn’t it?” He strokes at a medium pace, adding plenty of squeezes and rubs against the tip.

“Uh huh,” Aether whines. He’s leaning fully into the earth ghoul now, helpless to the flick of his wrist and the drag of the stroker.

“Look so good, darling,” Mountain says, a little breathless himself. “Want you to really get into it, show me how much you enjoy it.” Aether cants his hips again. Grinds into the silicone, into Mountain’s hand. Turns his head into his collarbone and moans. “That’s it, take what you need.”

“Gonna make me cum,” he gasps. “Fuck, you’re gonna make me fucking cum.” He clenches around nothing, more slick drooling out. His dick throbs inside the sleeve, kicking in tandem with each jump of his stomach, each spasm and jiggle of his thigh.

“Cum for me, starlight.” And oh, does he. Legs straining against the bar, thumping it against the sheets with each little kick of his legs. Mountain watches his eyes roll back under fluttering lashes, heavy breaths falling from his parted lips. His fingers dig into the meat of the earth ghouls thighs as he tenses and shudders, yelping when Mountain flicks the sleeve off the head of his clit in such a way that makes him clench. One more twitch of his inner thighs and he’s making a choked-off noise as a single spurt of milky-white fluid shoots out onto the sheets.

“Fuck,” he cries. Mountain holds him close, watching as the last of it dribbles down his folds and just out of view. Aether collapses back against him, chest heaving. “Satanas, you really made me cum. Unholy shit.”

Mountain grips at his hips. Restrains himself from groaning openly in his ear. “Do you want more?” he asks instead, hoping the answer is:

“Yes,” Aether groans. “Want your fingers, get them deep, Mount.”

The earth ghoul rolls his neck, suppressing another moan. “Anything,” he says, perhaps too eagerly. “Anything you want, starlight.” He doesn’t waste a second. One hand presses the flesh of his inner thigh back while the other cups his cunt. Two fingers dip down, sliding wetly inside. Both of them groan with it, Aether at the heightened sensation, Mountain at the silky feeling of his inner walls, the way he clenches immediately around his fingers.

“Oh,” Aether moans. “Oh really fuck me with them, fill me up.” Mountain really can’t help the noise that comes out of his mouth then. He pulls the quintessence ghoul tighter to him, shifting him slightly to get the best angle before hilting his fingers as far as he can get them. Each thrust squelches with how wet he is, the only sound in the room besides Aether’s groans for a few heated moments.

A particular brush of Mountain’s palm against his still throbbing clit makes him cry out. Aether’s hand flies up to the back of the earth ghoul’s neck, threading into his hair and straining to pull him closer.

"Are you hard?" Aether gasps. "Please tell me you are." Mountain lets out a shaky laugh and ruts his cock against his ass as confirmation. “Seven hells please fuck me, Daddy, need you so fucking bad.”

Mountain groans selfishly at the word. “There’s my baby,” he purrs, leaning down to sloppily capture Aether’s mouth in a kiss. “Gonna take such good care of you, darling,” he mumbles against his lips. “You’ve done so well, telling me what you want. Enjoying yourself. So fucking beautiful and good for me.” He lays Aether down, peppering him with kisses as he does, cradling him like he’s the most precious thing in the world. Mountain slots himself on top of Aether, bodies melting together with twin gasps. The earth ghoul tucks his head into the crook of his neck, mouthing at the sensitive spot just under his ear.

“Mount, please. The bar, will you—”

“Hush,” he interrupts. He drags his mouth up to the shell of his pointed ear and licks a shiver-inducing stripe up the side. “It stays on,” he says, the rich baritone going straight to Aether’s gut. “So I can worship you like you deserve.”

#whats a ficlet again?#this is 1.4k lmao #fanfic #the band ghost #the band ghost fanfic #ask #ghoulish rose #mountain ghoul #aether ghoul #transmasc aether #mountain x aether #aether x mountain #ficlet #this is...not the way i expected this to turn out?#oh well #also not edited yolo fuck editing

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md-confessions · 2 months

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Long ass ramble about Luzi

(things I'd like to note: Uzi is bi and demi AroAce, Lizzy is a lesbian and was dating Doll at some point but broke up after episode 3)

Lizzy was def the first one to develop feelings, like way before the show starts, Lizzy thinks Uzi is indeed a weirdo and a freak but that's kinda what made Lizzy start developing feelings for Uzi, which she tries denying to herself.

She's the popular girl, why would she develop feelings for the unpopular freak? She had a reputation to maintain, she couldn't just throw it away by starting a relationship with Uzi.

The reason why Lizzy teases/bullies Uzi so much is because she doesn't know how to put her feelings into words, at least for Uzi she can't, so she tries teasing her, Lizzy to be honest finds Uzi's Shinenigans funny, even if she wouldn't admit it to anyone.

But Lizzy probably bullied Uzi by accident, Lizzy is ABYSMAL at reading other people, even herself, Liz says things without thinking sometimes, Lizzy might think she's just doing some light teasing for a slightly mean joke while in actuality she sounds like she's mocking you.

Uzi definitely took a LONG time to develop feelings for Liz, like at least after episode 3, Uzi and Lizzy started getting slightly friendlier with each other after the prom fiasco with Doll happened, but not in public, like, after school the two would talk a little.

Lizzy starts showing a side of her she pretty much only showed to like V, Thad and maybe Doll, a side Uzi would describe as "less bitchy" like she still made mean jokes and remarks but it's much more clear she's just intending them as teasing rather than insults.

Uzi starts to catch feelings but it's a lot slower than Lizzy catching feelings for Uzi, Uzi also starts actually seeing Lizzy as an acquaintance rather than an enemy or rival or obstacle in her life. Uzi starts feeling things whenever she is either talking to Lizzy, thinking about Lizzy or Lizzy is brought up by either V or Thad. Like she feels slightly warmer/calmer when talking to Lizzy, whenever Lizzy teases her she blushes, dreaming about Lizzy.

Uzi doesn't understand what it is.

Between episode 4 and 5 Lizzy confesses she has feeling for Uzi and has had them for years, Uzi kinda has a "oh shit" moment and realizes she was having a crush, she's never been in love prior to this.

Uzi didn't feel any sort of attraction or interest to anyone in her class, like nothing, maybe it was because of how she never really was close to anyone.

Uzi notices that yes, she felt the same about Lizzy and the two start dating, though in secret... Or semi-secret, like N, V and Thad know but everyone else just thinks they're maybe like, acquaintances since they're now semi hanging out publicly, like Uzi doesn't eat at the same table or talk with Lizzy's other friends but they talk to each other in public now.

Lizzy's friend group is not a fan of her hanging out with Uzi though, they think it's gonna make Lizzy a weird as well or something.

Khan probably thinks Uzi and Lizzy are just good friends that have sleepovers very often and the fact they sleep and cuddle and snuggle in the same bed whenever Lizzy sleeps over is just friendship and nothing romantic.

Lizzy's father/the teacher has a suspicion, he knows Lizzy likes women and wonders why she and Uzi have gotten so close all the sudden, he doesn't like Uzi so he isn't a fan of his suspicion and thinks it's just him overthinking it.

- TLF

#md confessions #murder drones #md lizzy #uzi doorman #md doll #serial designation v #md thad #khan doorman #md teacher #uzi/lizzy #doll/lizzy

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robotnuts · 9 months

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are there any rvb fics you still think about all the time? like i dont think a week goes by without thinking abt qed and how it def changed me on a molecular level, do you have any fics like that?

oooh good question. the most important fic is at the bottom of this post so just scroll to the final paragraph if you only want one, true recommendation of the only rvb fic that really matters.

QED is fantastic though its more of @shotgunslap's thing than mine. the partner to that is also obviously QoQ, the only rvb fic ive been able to make almost all my friends read. i think about the south/north characterization every day of my life. caboose and carolina mean so much to me, etc etc. thats a pretty easy pick though so im cracking into my ao3 bookmarks to look for more niche picks.

i know there was actually a lot of rvb fic that was just posted to tumblr that i think ive gone back and tried to reblog at some points but i never organized it, i should have archived it, people who wrote good femslash and rvb women liked to just post it under a readmore on their tumblrlog and you have to go digging through decades old tags to find it now

okay. the big one i actually do still think about all the time forever and ever is saltsanford's stuff about epsilon/wash's relationship. this is the big one i still think about that centers on their backstory, but also, put my guns in the ground, which is one of the Big fandom tuckington longfics, also has such good washpilon stuff in it and they're so fucking juicy. when tucker asks wash how many times he's broken his ribs and he says four and epsilon says "actually it was five" before realizing How Bad of a Move that would be. Hello? Hello?????? i want them to be forced to reimplant and have weird mind brain trauma sex SO BAD sorry im normal. this is another one that takes place during/after the chorus era

on the spectrum of fics that i actually dont yet feel ashamed reccomending, primtheamazing, who wrote QoQ, also wrote some other good stuff. i am a HUGE fan of this fusion fic, the punchline to the tucker/caboose fusion is HYSTERICAL. this one where grif forgets who simmons is due to temple shennanigans and flirts with him is also very like. trope-y but i like that shit so this goes here too

ok. now onto the stuff that it is actively embarrassing for me to be recommending. but. prim's logrimmons fic is hysterical and was the stepping stone to creating the lolixgrimmons mind palaces with my friends so its worth it just for that. but also its really fucking funny. so is the one where locus has to listen to them have sex and gets himself caught

the truly embarrassing one for me to have here is the piece of softboy grimmons content i participate in. sadly i do enjoy s15 content sometimes for the softboy grif sensitive emotions exploration i will admit to being a hypocrite there and i really liked that one and reread it frequently (just realized this is written by the QED person so! you might already know of it)

and then finally. the most important red vs blue fanfiction of all time, guns are for shooting. it has it all. sarge. washington. sarge again. kismesisitude. grif and simmons acting like rosencrantz and guildenstern (are dead). locus being invisible and getting caught by lopez with a bag of flour. it's written by the person who wrote QED. You want to read it right now. Read it right now. READ IT RIGHT N

wait no the cute bit about sarge declaring war on gravity and upending a bag of flour onto lopez isnt in guns for shooting. what fic is that from

#its mainly mx qed relationshipcrimes and mx qoq primtheamazing who are my favorite writers it seems #so anything there is pretty good #oh on the cute grimmons level i also like 'What kind of trash dragon'#which.. might be written by prim? i know they have a few orphan fics floating around out there #including uh. green is a shade of red which i havent read but know is a good red team locus fic that they wrote and then orphaned

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torialefay · 5 months

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Hey! Here is my chart! Thank you so much for doing this. You honestly have no clue how excited I am. 😂

The many similarities in have with Chan is sometimes ridiculous, but I have a feeling you’re going to be able to see that. 😂😂

Let me know if you need anything!

xxmel

Here you are little honey ❤️

Ascendant in Gemini (1st house):

Yayayay Ascendant in Gemini. Same as Chan’s. From what I’ve seen, I think any air sign is naturally initially drawn to any other air sign. Especially in that witty Gemini energy, I think the connection between the two of you would be electric right off the bat. I think it’s even more supported by y’alls Libras both in Mercury… Like the convos would be SUPERIOR. It’s just one of those things that I think even if you had different stances on something, you’d really get why the other person felt that way and would leave with a newfound understanding and appreciation for their opinion.

In everyday life, I think this would manifest as lowkey being the party couple. Y’all just GET others and like to be around them (only limited tho bc y’all both have a lot of cerebral shit going on and even though you’re good at small talk, you have to escape sometimes and get that real mental stimulation.) I do see your friend groups intertwining though. He’d be besties with all your friends.

Midheaven in Pisces (12 house):

I normally don’t do Midheaven unless there’s a planetary placement there, but when I saw yours, I was like okayyyyy this makes sense. The way I see midheaven is that it’s heavily reflected in your online or social media presence. Being a Pisces Sun, I’m ngl I was like ‘okay this girl is just like me’ the first time you messaged me! Even though my MC is in Aquarius, I realllly see an extension of MC into the 11th house (so my Pisces too). I literally love the MC in Pisces placement bc I feel like it’s just so natural for making friends. I’m gonna bet you easily make friends through social media, even from the first time reaching out. And obviously Pisces being the ruler of the 12th house, you had to talk to me over our witchy, astro, spirituality shit bc it’s in your starrrrrs 🤭

Sun in Virgo in the 4th house:

Idk why but I hardly ever see 4th house placements on here… But you’re literally a married woman though so go figure. I feel weird explaining things bc I know you already know this…. SO I would bet that you’re a pretty cozy girl. Don’t get me wrong, you can def get along with people on a night out or something, but I think you’d be a great mothering type. Even if you don’t have or want kids, you probably have some quality about you that would bring a lot of comfort to those you live with. With practicality being involved, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were very supportive in your family endeavors and great at giving advice!

I’d also say from this placement that when you make friends, you turn them into family. People who meet you originally see you as fun, smart, and charming (even if you won’t admit it), but when getting closer to you, they realize that you are actually a really good friend who will always be truthful with them. In this way, I think the people that you allow into your life are those you deeeeply care about and treat them as one of your own.

Note: I also just feel like this plays into you expecting a lot of yourself. That’s all, just wanted to point that out (but Chan too so lord help yall).

I think this is a great placement with Chan tbh. We all know he’s has a “father” aspect to the kids, and I honestly think you’d be able to take on a mothering role to them as well. I could see your younger friends calling the both of you “Mom and Dad”. <3

Moon in Taurus in the 12th:

I loveeeee this placement and think it’s a great one with Chan. Reading your chart just seems to back every little thing up. Ofc Chan’s moon is in Libra so he needs that balance in life, but of course he has a hard time getting it with his internal struggles of knowing himself for who he truly is. I think it would be great for him to have a strong, steadfast sign like Taurus to support him and make him feel known. I feel like a lot of people view Taurus as this stubborn, unwavering sign, but I just don’t fully agree. I think the only time this is true is when they feel like they see things that others clearly DON’T. With it ruling over beauty and love, you’d be able to assure Chan in a very nurturing way. I could see you healing him in ways that he doesn’t even realize until he looks back to see how far he’s come in learning to love himself. The 12th placement is so wholesome too, I think it’d deffff be a soul-healing experience.

Mercury in Libra in the 5th house:

With your placement here in the 5th, I’d venture to guess that you are someone who looooooves having deep conversations. You probably also love being able to help people by giving them advice. It’s likely that being able to accurately communicate with people of all kinds is important to you. With Libra neeeeeding their harmony too, you probably have a sweet way of talking to people that makes them feel seen and understood (you prob really want this too tho hehe).

Chan’s Mercury is also in Libra, so I’m sure you would both have good communication for the most part. The ONLY thing I could somewhat worry about with both being in Libra, you both tend to avoid conflict. You would have to MAKE sure to talk with each other honestly, even if it could possibly hurt the others feelings (especially making sure to not sugar coat things too much). I will say, with all your Virg placements, I do see you having the upper hand in communication. Solving problems between the two of you, I also think you have the upper hand at analyzing what is the true problem and getting to it that way.

Venus in Virgo in the 4th house:

This placement tells me that you have a very loving, but not too suffocating, nature when in relationships with others. I think to be in a relationship with you would feel very stable. You are likely just GOOD at relationships. You understand what it means to be a good partner and how to make others feel loved. I look at the Virgo-Pisces axis as the axis of service… you having the upper hand at MAKING service (esp to a partner) happen. I look at Chan’s Libra as being on the “focus” axis, obviously his focus being on other people… wanting to please them.

Long story short, I think y’all would be great at making sure each other’s needs are being met. Whether that’s how frequent, where, and what types of things you’d like to explore in the bedroom.

Mars in Virgo in the 4th house:

With this placement, I think that having a pleasant surrounding, especially in the home, is gonna be super important to you. With that Virgo energy though, I do think this is a place you need to be careful with Chan. Since you have such high expectations of yourself, you may also expect others to live up to this standard. Chan’s Mars lives in Sag, so he may be a little more predisposed to needing his own freedom… or he may just not get it a little bit lol. And Chan can be explosive in fights so he defff wouldn’t like if he felt that way. But with all of your Virgo placements PLUS that Libra Mercury energy, I think you’d be able to make up just fine and reconcile. <3

Overall thoughts:

Big Mommy and Daddy energy. Y’alls relationship would be sickeningly sweet and cute and nurturing and understanding and ugh i cant stand yall 🙄

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and-stir-the-stars · 11 months

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thinking about. saffron henry. does he realize how badly he fucked up? what would the boys' reactions be if he reappeared? does jem know about him? also, is he like. healing his own trauma from charlie n everything or is he just. melting

also. unrelated. does mike ever feel like he should be less fucked up because evan's trauma is just so extreme that he compares it? does evan ever feel like others shouldn't be so traumatized bc of his frame of reference?

(Answered the first half of this ask here)

These are awesome awesome questions about the extent of and response to the trauma Ev and Mike went thru, thank you for asking!

does mike ever feel like he should be less fucked up because evan's trauma is just so extreme that he compares it?

Yes. Mike has a lot of guilt over the fact that HE was able to escape and form a life of his own when Evan so clearly wasn't.

This is probably a problem Mike had even before finding out what happened to Evan, actually. Mike has spent some time listening to other runaways stories, hearing how bad other people had it, and he would have compared himself to their stories and found the abuse he faced 'lacking' because Mike is just. Deep down, he's just a kid who wants to be loved, and he wants to be loved by his father, so even though he knows he's been abused by William, a part of him still can't help but think "maybe it wasn't actually that bad" "maybe i just did stupid stuff to make him angry and if i just stopped, things would get better" "maybe I'm just weak and shouldn't be hurt by the stuff he did".

And this tendency to like. Downplay everything he went through affects his reaction to what Evan went through. Not in that he downplays what Ev went through (he doesn't), but it makes Mike downplay his own trauma.

There's a lot of nights when Mike roams listlessly through the house, hating himself for not being able to sleep. Because what problems does he REALLY have?? Yeah William hurt him sometimes and shitty things happened to him after he ran away, but some voice in his head snaps that at least he got out! Usually when Mike can't sleep, he goes on drives in his VW bus to calm his nerves, but in this case, he refuses to let himself do that as punishment for "being so freaked out over nothing". He probably does this refusing-to-let-himself-be-comforted and pushing-himself-past-his-limits thing because he thinks what he went through "wasn't that bad" a lot. It's something he has to work on in therapy.

It also doesn't help that Mike feels obligated to be Put Together for Evan’s sake; it def makes Mike's downplaying/hiding/refusing to acknowledge what he went through thing worse. But that's the good thing about Evan's arc where he realizes Mike is his own person who went through a lot of trauma of his own; it makes Mike acknowledge some of the shit he went through and actually WORK through it, too. It is it's own kind of validation and relief for someone close to you to look at what you went through and admit "it's shitty that that happened to you, and I wish it hadn't."

does evan ever feel like others shouldn't be so traumatized bc of his frame of reference?

mmmm, kinda?

Evan's sense of empathy is complicated, especially when he's put in Mike’s custody; he's still mad at Mike for everything that happened between them. He still thinks of Mike as this big, scary, untouchable monster. Of course an invincible monster like that couldn't ever be hurt by anything.

Then, Mike keeps trying to treat Ev with kindness and sympathy instead of being cruel and monstrous. At this point, the times when Ev sees Mike flinch away from touch or flinching from Ev yelling at him or from the smell of cigarette smoke on Ev's clothes, or the times when Mike gets sent into a panic attack, are all met with confusion and a level of self-satisfaction. He doesn't know why these things are having such an impact on Michael, but it's satisfying to see that the monster that hurt him so bad can be made hurt and vulnerable after all-- especially since Evan takes this as proof that William chose Evan over Mike as his successor because he believed Evan was Stronger. Evan starts to understand that Mike can be hurt, but does not empathize with Mike over this understanding just yet.

But I don't think Evan would have the thought "why should Mike be traumatized over xyz thing when I had to deal with abc" because Evan hasn't been thinking about what William did to him as something traumatic. That doesn't come until later. He thought what William was doing was normal & good. The time Evan has spent in psychiatric facilities has taught him that the murder/using violence to make yourself feel better thing isn't normal, but Evan hasn't gotten over the barrier of thinking that it made him Stronger-- that it was a good thing even if it wasn't Normal.

It's not until Ev realizes that William was using him, didn't care, and wasn't trying to help Ev that that particular barrier finally comes crashing down for Evan.

It's not long after that that Evan has his "oh, Mike is a real person with his own trauma" revelation.

During the time between Ev realizing that William was so horrifically abusive and having his realization about Mike’s trauma, I think it's possible that Ev would lash out in ways that come across as "why should you be traumatized by xyz thing", because Ev has so much pain and confusion around the idea that Mike just left him there with William. YOU got out and I didn't, I was the one stuck there because YOU left me there, so what exactly do you have to freak out over? You chose the new life you ran away for.

But I think this fades once Ev has his Realization about Mike’s past. Because the Realization makes him understand that Mike didn't choose any of this, either.

so, this brings me to how your question applies to Evan when he's actually had a chance to start healing.

Evan’s definitely had his sense of empathy stunted and repressed as a result of his trauma, so it's hard for him to understand what other people are thinking or feeling. But I don't think this translates to him thinking other people SHOULDN'T be traumatized (as much sense as that as a trauma response would make for someone who has been thru what Evan has) so much as Evan not understanding that someone IS traumatized by something, and later, WHY they would be traumatized by it.

But Evan is a naturally empathetic person, and a naturally curious kid. So i think his response to finally understanding that the reason someone is acting weird is because they're upset by something, it would manifest as curiosity since his empathy has been so fried. He doesn't understand other people's trauma, but I think he'd be curious to understand the why's and how's of other people’s trauma. Why are you upset. What about this specific scenario is sparking this reaction. What specifically does it make you feel. Why aren't you acting like you normally do. How do i stop this from happening again.

His attempts to Understand come across as... maybe not clinical, exactly, but definitely as insensitive.

Like, when Evan learns that Jeremy is still fucked up about their (singular) little sister dying when they were younger, Evan’s brain is like. MY sister went missing (he knows how Liz died but repressed it) and my brother used her disappearance as an excuse to torture me. In Evan’s mind, what he went through is Worse than what Jeremy went through, but he's not being judgemental as is implied in the question "why should you be traumatized", he's just genuinely Trying To Understand "why was that so upsetting for you when it could have been worse?" Once he finally realizes that someone is upset about something, he struggles to understand WHY, and he accidentally comes across as insensitive.

I don't think it's emotional so much as physical pain that would elicit that kind of "why should you be upset when xyz traumatic thing could have happened instead?" response. Evan has been trained to be less responsive to physical pain by this point, as in is less responsive to being in pain himself and seeing others in pain. If he were to see someone get visibly upset from stubbing a toe or scraping a knee or getting cut/scratched, he'd just look on in utter confusion. Evan has seen people--kids-- be physically ripped apart. William and younger Mike both did things to him that could low key be classified as torture. I think the part of his brain repsonsible for registering physical pain is always gonna be a little fucked up.

#I wish i could talk more about Evan's empathy in the time after the arrest but before being put in Mike's custody #During the time when he would have been in psych facilities #But i don't really know what that would be like.#If he was allowed to be around other (non psychologist) people and he heard about other people's trauma during that time?#He'd probably just be desensitized to it?#He'd listen to it w the same emotional reaction you'd have to listening to someone make boring small talk about the weather #If he cares at all it's only to throw other people's trauma in the psychologists' faces #''You can't tell me xyz thing isnt normal when this other patient went through it too. You don't know what ur talking about.''#saffron pawn au #evan afton #evan afton support center #michael afton #tw child abuse #tw body horror

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mydemonsdrivealimo · 1 year

Text

What I'm Becoming

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x M!MC (Jensen Valentine)

Rating: T

Warnings: in-depth talk about contamination obsessions/compulsions, therapy, medication, and depression

Word Count: 3681

Summary: The year after book three, Jensen's taken over the diagnostics team. For a few months, things were great. Work was great, his friends were great, things with Bryce were great. That is, until he gets a particular piece of news from his therapist that has him disrupting all his routines, making poor decisions for his health, and starting a slow downward spiral into a pit he has visited one too many times. It clouds his vision more than he's willing to admit, but, maybe, with the help of his loved ones, he can make it back through.

A/N: prefacing by saying that i know the therapy session is not accurate, nor are some of kolleen's behaviors/methods professional or safe; i do not give a shit. i just needed it to progress the plot, accurate or not. also, i know this is a long read, and thank you to anyone who even opens it. i know this is not everyones cup of tea with how much this focuses on jensens ocd, but im very appreciative to any of you who have an interest

title is inspired by "what im becoming" by cage the elephant, so def give that a listen before, during, or after the fic (only if you want ofc)

while i had the idea sitting for a while, thanks go to this ask for making me get off my ass and finish it

~~~

Kolleen was talking, blabbing on about something they were discussing a moment ago but he had lost all interest. He was timing his breaths to every other tick of the clock, thumbs alternatingly tapping on each thigh until they felt even. Teeth clenched tightly, he tried to muscle through the crawling feeling working up his back and far enough that he could feel it in his gums. The room was practically silent other than their chatter yet somehow still too much. He tried taking a drink from his water bottle, the ice cold water grounding him enough to pull him back into the conversation.

She noticed, of course, stopping what she was saying and giving him an up-and-down appraisal.

“What is it?” she asked, knowing how much he hated the niceties and getting straight to the point.

He shrugged, pushing his hands into his pockets, then back in his lap, then crossed over his chest to avoid touching the couch. By now, she knew his “I don’t know” shrug meant he didn’t know why everything felt off, not that he didn’t know what felt off in the first place. He was perpetually overstimulated, OCD holding on with a tight grip to all his thoughts and actions, and intrusive thoughts making the worst of appearances. Shocker, he could diagnose the problems just fine, but there wasn’t a cure.

It was never as serious as the bullshit Travis pulled; it never would be. Sure, death wasn’t looming over him, but sometimes it felt scarily enticing. It’d be so much easier if he didn’t have to worry about it at all, didn’t have to spend his only day off in a little office that made him want to vomit. There was never a way for him to just “get better.” He was stuck like this—with this—for the rest of his life, and sometimes that seemed too long.

He had been doing so good. Not perfect by any means, but better than normal. It probably helped that he was taking his meds consistently, but the second she broke the news last session he couldn't bring himself to take them at all.

The last time he was here they talked about alternatives, other methods and mechanisms to try and relieve some of the stress and pressure while he went through the process of switching to the new prescription she had to put him on. They even talked about how cathartic crying could be and almost, just for a second, he started to laugh. He should probably be concerned that it had been over a decade since he shed a tear, remembering the numbness during the trials, the funeral, and his own near-death, but couldn’t bring himself to. Whether it was just an inability or his own subconscious refusal was none of his business.

Kolleen had gotten up to collect a pamphlet and a stapled packet of papers from her desk, offering them to him before sitting once again. They were all informational pieces for a range of new antidepressants, from Anafranil to Paxil.

“Usually I’d just pick one myself, but, given your position, I assumed you’d want to take a look through the options.”

He scanned over the papers, reading the bolded headers and at least flipping the pamphlet over.

“Do you want an answer right now?” he asked, knowing he didn’t have the energy to read through any of them.

“No, of course not. Just try to have an idea by next week, or I can just prescribe what I think would work best.”

He nodded at that, folding up the papers and tucking them in the inside pocket of his jacket. They sat in silence for another minute before she let out a small sigh.

“How would you say the withdrawal has been?”

He knew it would have to come up eventually. He was a medical professional himself, for fucks sake—he knew damn well going cold turkey was not the way to come off of them. All things considered, it wasn’t as bad as it could be, only mild nausea here and there and depression manageable so far (if you could count collapsing into bed after every shift as “manageable”).

“Average.” She gave him a look, and he shot it right back. “It’s not severe but it’s not too mild; just sporadic nausea and the expected depression.”

She accepted that after a moment, nodding and jotting something down. “If there is a next time,” she looked up, “I’d appreciate a call or text before you stop taking them.”

“I know,” he replied, unable to feel anything other than guilty. “I didn’t really try to. I just didn’t take the first one…and then the first turned into the next six.”

She nodded understandingly, asking, “Did you think about it again when the symptoms started?”

He only shook his head, watching her, expectedly, writing something down. He took the moment to check the clock, an involuntary, impatient sort of sigh falling from his lips when he saw that they still had a whole twenty minutes left. Yes, he made the appointment, but, fuck, sometimes they could last forever. She had made the recommendation that they start meeting every week during this transition period, and it was making him hate every bit of it even more.

“Have you gotten out at all? With your roommates or Bryce?”

Again, he shook his head, hopelessly adjusting to try and find some comfortable position while touching the least amount of the couch he could. At most, he said hello to the roomies on his way to his room, and at least waved to Bryce a few times in the halls of Edenbrook.

“How about your hobbies? Have you done any cooking, music?”

And this is always where the depression hit him the hardest. He couldn’t remember the last time he took his AirPods out of the case, not opening Spotify in at least a week and eating no more than an energy bar a day.

“Not really, no.”

She nodded understanding, scrawling something out before looking back up to him.

“That’s going to be your assignment, alright?” she said, point-blank. “Even if it’s just making toast, or listening to a song before bed.”

He nodded. That sounded easy enough. Hell, he didn’t even have to pay attention.

For the first time all meeting, he saw her gaze flick to her watch, taking a breath and clearly thinking over something. After a long minute, she turned to him again.

“Jensen, are you comfortable with me telling you something you don’t want to hear? Or would you rather I wait? I know you like to know our next topic in advance, but if it’s going to be a source of anxiety over the next week, I don’t want to add on more.”

He debated for a long minute. It couldn’t get much worse, but he also knew if she was giving him a heads up, it probably wasn’t great. She knew him well enough by now that he trusted that it was something bad, potentially bad enough to even cause another spiral.

It couldn’t be as bad as the first time, though, right? The first time when he got his heart broken and lost his only hobby—only point of happiness—all in a month. He barely even remembered the weeks following, lost somewhere between the time spent in bed and in appointments to figure out what the fuck was wrong with him while ignoring the emails from professors and notifications about missing assignments. It could never be that bad, right?

“Go ahead,” he said, maybe against his better judgment, but needing to know if he could handle it or not.

She gave him a beat to reconsider. Reluctantly, she started with, “If the new medication doesn’t work how we plan, and your symptoms don’t improve…” She paused, letting out a sigh and clearly debating on whether she should have even offered the chance or not. “…we’ll likely have to start exposure therapy.”

Nothing. Not a thought went through his brain for a whole minute, quieter than it had ever been.

When he finally came to, all he could do was give her one, short nod, looking anywhere but at her.

“Jensen?” she asked, shifting to the edge of her chair.

“I’m fine,” he interjected before she could go anywhere. “It’s just—again?”

He looked back up at her. Technically, he didn’t have to go, right? He didn’t have to do another three hours a week in a tiny room surrounded by the things that made him want to peel his skin off (and he meant that literally).

How much would it take for him to get fucking better?

He took a breath, knowing it was the lack of his meds talking. He tried to talk himself out of it, Kolleen giving him a long minute to try and sort it out himself. It took him a moment, but he managed to sort his thoughts for the minutes, breaking it up by things that were going to happen and things that only had a chance of happening.

“How are you doing?” she asked after a long beat.

He just nodded, taking another breath before answering, “Good. Fine. I’m okay with that.”

She gave him a small, proud grin, settling back in her chair.

It only took them a few moments to finish up after that, Jensen feeling much better and, frankly, pretty damn proud of himself.

Unfortunately, that high didn’t last as long as he hoped it would. He told himself one bus ride would be okay, he would only have to wash one hand. But, what if the seats were open? Wouldn’t it be weird that he was the only one standing? It was the late afternoon on a Tuesday and, though Boston’s public transit was usually bustling, there was too much of a chance that he’d have to sit down, mind already buzzing with the thought of dead skin cells and contaminants and—

His feet started retracting his steps before he could get any further, taking a sharp turn down the route to his apartment.

A long walk later, he took out his keys to the front door, unlocking it and shedding his jacket before he even got it closed again. He pulled the pamphlets from the pocket, tossing it up on one of the hooks and walking straight to his room.

It was dark when he entered; he hadn't bothered to open the curtains that morning. He quickly stripped off his pants next, not letting them touch the floor and tossing them into the hamper in the corner with the rest of his clothes that had been worn outside already. He threw his shirt after it, pulling on a pair of joggers and a hoodie that hadn’t left the house since they'd been washed last. Next, he grabbed the disinfectant spray from the top of his dresser, sending a puff of it over his phone before wiping it off with the designated cloth.

He tossed the papers from his dresser to his desk, not letting them come anywhere near his bed. He was about to sit himself down there before stopping, face feeling particularly oily and knowing his hair would be next to follow.

Instead of falling into bed like he planned, he walked across the hall to the bathroom, washing his hands before coming back to grab another new pair of clothes, and a new set of towels from the closet.

God, when did it get this bad?

He took a quick shower to wash off anything from the outside before collapsing into bed, throwing everything else into the hamper to worry about another day. He managed to grab his laptop from the floor before crawling under the blankets, feeling utterly clean for the first time all day. After turning on some documentary, he pulled the blanket up to his shoulder, letting the mental exhaustion settle in after having to navigate himself to Kolleen’s office, withstand an hour of conversation, then get himself all the way back home. Even thinking about it made him more tired, enough for sleep to take him out in less than twenty minutes.

Hours later, when his slumber came to an abrupt halt, his laptop was still playing through an endless cycle of documentaries, onto one he didn’t recognize by now. Light from the nightstand illuminated that side of the dark room, daylight replaced with a yellow sliver between the curtains from the street light outside. Numbly, he let his hand find its way out of the blanket, tilting the phone screen toward him. He watched it ring for another minute with Bryce’s name displayed on the screen, eventually swiping to decline and letting it thump back onto the nightstand.

As he pulled the blanket back over his shoulder, it buzzed again. Picking it up, the new message read, “totally spoiling the surprise but i brought you dinner and your front door is locked so,,”

“and don’t pretend you didnt ignore that call on purpose.”

He let out a short, soft sigh. The thought of prying himself out of the covers sounded completely exhausting, walking to the front door nearing on impossible. Faintly, and after pausing his laptop, he could hear Jackie’s voice from her room. He sent her a quick text to let Bryce in, sliding the phone back and pulling the blanket up again.

His eyes weren’t even focused on the screen by the time a blinding bright light spilled in from the hallway. After the room darkened again, there was some rustling and shuffling among Bryce’s greeting, the bed dipping down behind him as he kissed his shoulder then temple. Rubbing his eyes, he could only hope that he could pass it off as tiredness.

Somehow he managed to turn around, feeling a lot like jello or pudding or some other lifeless form of sludge. He let his arms wrap around Bryce, pulling him in for a sleepy sort of hug and burying his face into his neck. He, thankfully, smelled strongly of his stupidly expensive shampoo and soap, roots of his hair still wet from a shower. Bryce let out a content little hum, happily pressing a few kisses along his face before reaching over to click on the nightstand lamp.

“Do you want your dinner now, or wait a little bit?” he asked quietly, thumb gently grazing over his waist after he settled behind him contently.

He let out a feignedly-sleepy hum, letting his head fall back into Bryce’s chest. Even having to get a word out seemed like a herculean task.

Bryce pressed a few more kisses behind his ear and down his shoulder before squeezing him in tight. His hands mindlessly wandered up and down as he rested his chin on top of Jensen’s head.

Ah, shit. Jensen didn’t even know what he did to give it away, but Bryce being this snuggly and this quiet meant he figured that something was off.

Not saying anything at all was probably the way to go; it had worked all those years prior with his mom and other relationships.

In all honesty he didn’t exactly know when it started. He would have to use both hands to count the amount of events that could have triggered it, everything from childhood sickness, to moving to a new country, to the college mental breakdown he liked to describe as “minor.”

College was the first time he had gotten anywhere with his diagnosis, at least. The court-mandated sessions years prior were pretty much bullshit, just making sure he didn’t plan on murdering anybody but having nothing to do with his own wellbeing.

That was also the first time he had to sit through exposure therapy, hating every goddamn second of it but knowing it would be worth it in the end—because it would just be over with.

But things could never be that simple, could they?

At least, before all this, he could pretend it wasn’t happening. He had it down to an art form, masking all the racing thoughts and uncomfortable situations. Nobody had caught on for years, his mom never picking up a trace and past partners probably not giving enough of a shit to ask. It was easier like that—keeping people at a distance through easy conversation and practiced redirection—and he knew he was giving his friends the same treatment.

But then there was Bryce, always studying him a little too long and caring enough to make sure a round-table question got to him, too. The lingering gazes and smiles somehow managed to fall his way. They melted into something more sincere, more loving, than Jensen had ever seen him give someone else. Bryce’s unfazed, unbothered, completely overconfident attitude simmered down to something heartfelt and genuine for him.

And what the fuck was he doing to him? He never asked for this, never wanted whatever the fuck this was. Sure, Jensen skipped a few doses here and there, but nothing like this. Bryce wanted something—someone—fun and spontaneous, and, yeah, he said he fell somewhere along the way, fuck knows Jensen did too, but he never signed up for this. Nobody wants to deal with the self-sabotaging fool who decides to quit the only thing keeping him in one piece.

Jensen didn’t even notice Bryce had been talking to him, eyes unfocused and staring somewhere across the room, sickening guilt settling in the bottom of his stomach. He could feel Bryce’s hands warmly wrapped around him, coming undone as he leaned back and gently pulled him by the shoulder. Jensen finally managed to look up at him as he asked, “Jensen, what’s going through your head right now?”

He could only muster an, “I’m sorry,” instead of answering the question.

What kind of fucked up person could leave him in the dark like this? Jensen hadn’t told him anything, about not taking his meds, about the increased therapy sessions, about any of it. He was supposed to love him—he did—but did he even have the right to say that when there was so much he wasn’t saying?

Bryce gave him a confused little look, and Jensen should’ve started apologizing again. “Sorry for what?” he asked, still with a little smile on his lips.

Jensen managed to sit himself up, putting a little more space between them. He considered his words but wasn’t quite able to make eye contact when he finally got them out. “I’m not taking my meds.” That didn’t seem to clear up any of the confusion on Bryce’s face.

“Okay…?” he answered, clearly knowing that this was a much bigger deal to Jensen than it was to him.

“I have to change my prescription, and I stopped them too fast. I’ve been going to therapy every week now and I can’t even fucking ride the bus and now I might have to start exposure therapy again.”

Bryce considered for a long moment, giving him an understanding nod but still not wiping the confusion from his expression.

“Thank you for telling me,” he answered, but the tone of a question lingered on the end.

Jensen looked up at him for the first time since the start of the conversation. “I should have told you earlier,” he said defiantly, like he was saying exactly what Bryce was thinking.

Bryce only gave him a look. “No?” His hand moved to Jensen’s knee, thumbing over it while continuing, “If you weren’t ready to tell me, you didn’t owe me anything.”

“But I do,” he answered practically before Bryce could finish. “You should’ve been the first person to know. You’ve done so fucking much for me, and you shouldn’t have to deal with all of this shit; you’re already throwing away time you could be spending with friends to sit here and listen to me whine—”

“Hey,” Bryce interrupted with a soft tone, hooking his finger under Jensen’s chin and tilting his head up so their gazes matched. “Jensen, I’m not ‘throwing away’ anything because of you. I’m not obligated to be here, I’m here because I want to be. I’m here because I love you.”

And maybe Jensen didn’t deserve that much.

“…But what if you don’t love this version of me?”

Jensen had never seen Bryce’s face fall so fast. He was utterly still for all of a second, looking for something, anything, in Jensen’s eyes that said this was some sort of joke. He tried to start talking a few times, stopping over and over again before finally going with, “Jensen, I have loved every version of you since I met you, and I will love every version of you for the rest of my life.” He didn’t break eye contact the whole time. “I don’t care how bad things get. What matters is how I can help and if I can make any of this easier for you. Nobody could get through this without at least a hiccup, and you sure as hell aren’t magically going to go from point A to point B unscathed.”

Even though it took Jensen a long, endless moment to realize it, Bryce was right. He needed to get out of his own head for long enough to realize that, taking in and replaying every word until Bryce leaned towards him, Jensen nearly tackling him in a hug. Bryce held him, letting him crumble against his shoulder and squeezing as tight as he could. He easily hushed the apologies Jensen mumbled into him.

They stayed like that for longer than either of them would’ve imagined. Jensen felt like a wreck, both worse and better than before, but knowing he was safe enough in Bryce’s arms to let it all go for one breathable moment.

Bryce finally broke the silence, asking, “Would dinner help?”

Jensen let out a shaky breath and nodded. He sat up, stopping Bryce from getting off the bed with a hand on his waist. His other tucked under his jaw and around his neck, pulling their lips against one another in a sweet, slow kiss, all admiration, reverence, affection, and love underneath.

~~~

tagging: @choicesficwriterscreations @cariantha @ofmischiefandmedicine @jerzwriter

#jensen valentine #open heart mc #open heart #bryce lahela #bryce lahela × jensen valentine #open heart choices #choices open heart #bryce lahela x mc #open heart fanfiction #open heart fic

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ipoddymouth · 1 year

Note

Wait bestie I want to know your thots on the matty healy being problematic thing he’s said a lot of weird/offensive stuff for sure but apparently some of that stuff is supposed to be satirical/ he’s an edge lord or whatever like the n*zi salute thing he did and it’s not a good thing to do no matter the context but I feel like it’s probably more harmful to call him a n*zi when he isn’t actually one it’s probably better to call that action antisemitic than a whole n*zi no?

wait gjargigjag you just basically summarized my thoughts but imma ramble more under the cut

i dont think matty is actually, truly, deep in his core racist or a n*zi (i'm also p sure he's given enough interviews explaining himself and his political ideologies bc he's annoying and never shuts the fuck up) BUT he also does say a bunch of shit on the side that doesn't help his case.

i think intent is a big issue in society in general bc it's like 'are you saying this shit to be funny? or are you saying this shit to be mean?' and people don't ask that question anymore. i remember when ariana dated pete and he made that joke about manchester and people were like 'he's disrespecting the dead!!' and, like, i can defs see where people are coming from for sure, and i can also see why he was like ???? in response to the backlash because his attention clearly wasnt to offend.

i will not lie and will fully admit that i am SENSITIVE lmao and there are some jokes in standup sets that i will straight up 😐 during bc i cannot separate the words from intent sometimes but im not going to say bill burr is a rape apologist or whatever because i sit and watch my silly lil 'offensive' robot chicken episodes without batting an eye. the problem with humor is that there will always be a faction that makes certain people uncomfortable. and that's okay!!!! not all of us (me included) need to watch cumtown or red scare because we will not find it funny!!! there's one drag queen who's yt videos my boyfriend cant watch bc he thinks she comes across mean even though i think the jokes hit!!!!

and to your second point i agreeeee like im black and grew up in a p white area so obviously people have said some SHIT to me, but that means you have to learn how to distinguish between someone being intentionally racist or someone being ignorant. i think matty says shit he thinks is funny because he's trying to be funny but the jokes themselves don't hit and just come across as....bizarre? rude??? multiple -ists???? but then he tries to explain himself and people (strangers to him) are either like 'fuck u this isnt sincere' or are just like 'but youre still wrong and horrible' and he just gets frustrated and deletes his socials in a lil baby fit gjlragjaglgj. and not to be a white apologist lmao BUT i kinda do understand why people turn to that 'anti-woke ideology' bc if every time i said something with poor phrasing and someone i didn't know called me a racist n*zi i'd probs go ape shit too.

there are real, actual n*zis like in real life who are actually trying to hurt people and people are pulling out all of their big gun ultra-bad labels for some scrawny boy band dude???? like what are we supposed to call the actual n*zis???????? like i l i t e r a l l y have seen a neo-n*zi rally down the street from my HOUSE and thats fucking TERRIFYING and they're just snatching up more people because of all of the culture wars bullshit

[but like to note im not saying that people need to be forgiving and understanding every time someone says something that pisses them off. some people need to be yelled at!!! they need to know they are wrong!!!! people should just be aware of the impact their words have. matty's words have made A LOT of people straight up hate him, but at the same time, some people have probably seen matty get called a n*zi and are now like 👀 bc the bar to being considered h*tler seems kinda low.]

anyway tl;dr racism is a spectrum, words have meaning, and we don't know these people. but if matty really is a racist and im wrong then i hope he chokes!!!

ALSO i am an adult and am not in the business of defending other adults so like im not gonna argue with someone if they think matty is racist. i am not doing dirty hit pr for FREE

#didnt edit a single word of this so i hope it makes sense gjrlagjg #also if you tell me matty is racist im not gonna argue with you glajglge #like go ahead and think that!#i dont know that man!! im not gonna bend over backwards for him!!#anyway thank you for letting me hit you with a #poddyrants #matty healy #taylor swift

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waterberry-strawmelon · 4 years

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Huge oof

#so if anyone saw my post earlier today bc I got a couple more anons about that post from a while back #I went to find the ONE person who genuinely wanted to understand my POV #and their blog is gone #but when I started to search for it in the tumblr search bar a VERY similar url came up with only a one-word difference between the old one #and this one. so I’ve got no way of knowing if it’s them #but the word they swapped out now says ‘rad.’ yknow. like radical.#I SEARCHED THEIR BLOG BACK THEN TOO AND THEY WERENT EVEN A R*DFEM #and this new blog was made TEN DAYS AGO. which is super au’s #and literally every single post on their blog is a r*dfem post and their blog title fucking says:#‘gender nonconforming. biologically female. happily on testosterone’ AND THEYRE FOLLOWING A BUNCH OF FUCKING TRANSMEDS TOO #WHAT THE FUCK???#anyways seeing the real-time transformation of someone into becoming a radf*m or transmed or WHATEVER #into actively spewing hate speech and false harmful rhetoric? that’s fucking terrifying.#now that I think about it I swear I remember seeing them reblog something that wasn’t outright agreeing with t*rf rhetoric but essentially #admitting that ‘they make good points sometimes’ or some shit like that?? (this is def a paraphrase since I don’t remember exactly #but I DO remember thinking ‘uhhhh that’s not good. better keep an eye on that/be careful there bud’ AND WHAT DO YA KNOW???#I guess I called it? slippery slope and all that. anyways I’m tired folks #but alas I have math work to finish. off I go to bang my head against my desk for the next hour!#mine #just some thoughts #transphobia #also please let me know if you’d like me to tag these posts as something more specific or even if I need to stop posting them at all #if it makes you too uncomfortable to see this stuff/if you think it’s best I just block report + move on yknow

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kirascottage · 3 years

Text

dating jj maybank

jj maybank x gender neutral. reader

word count: 1.8k

cw: headcanons, overall domestic fluff, angst if you squint till ur visions blurry, mentions of poor emotional expression, mentions of sex / sexual innuendos, mentions of fighting / injury, strong pda, kissing, consensual groping, swearing, soft!jj

okay so this is the first time i’ve ever written dating headcanons so i’m gonna try my best

• jj and expressing emotions are a very complicated duo and almost everyone knows it, including you. he knows how he feels for you, and feels it strongly, but the way it comes out of his mouth is like gibberish and completely not understandable.

“so you know — like — i don’t know, man. i feel heavy for you, like do you feel heavy for me, too?”

“jj, i don’t even know what heavy means in this context and what you’re referring to.”

• but he comes from a good place, and you come to know, learn and love that, because well he loves you, and with jj you just have to infer by his mess of words.

• this boy tries to be as romantic as possible but he’s literally never had a s/o before. the only thing he knows are one nighters so there is a lot that pope and john b advise him on because miscommunication is quite literally the worst. (stated by john b himself)

• for this instance and the sake of the headcanons: you are a member of the pogues, through and through.

• so most of the time you’re together, the pogues are there too. even dates. they love to occupy and jj could shout at the top of his lungs how they are the biggest cock-blockers to ever exist and they would not care.

• so at that point he doesn’t even try to keep his hands to himself, he will touch you or quite literally make out with you in front of anyone and everyone he can.

• i mean he can get a little protective. (also considering he would never let you around his dad because he wants to protect you and would never let you near anyone that could hurt you)

• i mean this guy would fight for you till the very end; punches thrown countless of times and harsh words absolutely shouted more times than you could count on your fingers, but no matter how many times you chastise jj, he would never stop to defend your honour because at the end of the night you’re the one playing with his hair and kissing his cuts and bruises.

• especially after everything as well with rafe, topper and the kooks he just wants everyone (including the tourons you see once a millennium) to know that you and him are romantically involved and you are very much taken.

• he even lets the most irrelevant people know the both of you are dating because he loves you that much:

“okay, babe, here me out—”

“jj a whole group of kids just asked me about our relationship! i love you, but the whole population does not need to know that we’re together.”

“obviously we can't tell the whole population! or I would, duh.”

• even though he could blabber on about everything about you, including what shampoo you use and which perfume of yours is his favourite, affection is more his style:

• this includes walking around with his hand in your back pocket because wearing anything but jean shorts is really not an option in that heat, (and this does include ass grabbing at every opportunity he can)—

• — his hand gently placed on your thigh while driving / while he’s next to you, interlocking pinkies 98% of the time as you walk together —

• — and peppering kisses is always happening. whether they’re ticking at your checks, suffocating your neck or affectionately placed on your forehead he’s always kissing you.

• other key, and essential, things that come to mind are that his arm is always around you; after everything that’s happened to him he just needs to physically know you’re there and that’s enough to subdue him.

• it’s almost routine for him arm to go around your waist or your shoulder, whether you’re tall or short, tbh he doesn’t really care, his arms and lips are always on you.

• dating jj is dating a teenage boy with absolutely no impulse control and zero control over what he says—

“I mean, dude, if you think about it, why isn’t a banana called a yellow if an orange is called an orange? and why are phones called ‘telephones’ like who the fuck came up with that crap?”

“i mean, hey, we could bang out here and it’s not like anyone would know. like jb could be out in the living room and be like clueless.”

“jj, there’s two windows pointing directly at us. i think he would know.”

• —if you don’t understand then he definitely does not either.

• you also flip each other off a lot and people are like ??? but you both are like — fuck you —(affectionate & full of love with my middle fingers)

• one thing he does know is how to flatter you, whether he’s obnoxiously winking at you or bringing you flowers with his tips from work, or he picked them himself, it’s all in the effort.

• any effort from you is like kids getting their favourite toy they’ve been wanting on christmas, for instance: anytime you bring him food, or offer to stay with him at john b’s is like swelling up his heart to the maximum.

• so when he’s not with you, or the pogues, which is rare he is outside. and jj is like diego the explorer he always finds little places just for himself, or for this instance with you.

• so a lot of dates include going to these secluded spots: sometimes it’s a picnic, or a walk, and stargazing is his absolute favourite as he listens to you drone on about the constellations and even just watching the sky with your presence next to him is so comforting and makes him feel safe.

• of course when the pogues find out they’re brutal with their teasing.

“awww, look at the cute and happy couple!”

“my wittle babies, growing up so fast.”

“god, kie, you make it sound like we’re five?!”

• speaking of alone time, jj loves to cuddle when you guys are alone and that’s one thing he’s not fond of being teased about.

• his head is firm on your chest, his arms wrapped around your waist and his leg flung over your hips. to him it’s just a perfect way to start and end the day.

• he also loves to watch movies while cuddling and he has a set of movies and their genres completely memorized for the occasion.

• he has such a good memory to the weirdest things. like he can state in the exact order your makeup routine, or talk about all the caves and sinkholes in yukatan but ask him how many states there are in america and he’s completely bummed.

• back to what i was saying, cuddling and movie times together.

• he’s the little spoon i will not argue with anyone about this, especially if something happened that day.

• like if rafe pissed him off, some kooks stepped on his toes, his dad had been particularly agitated that day or he was just frustrated. your embrace is what keeps his together. he just loves the feeling of your arms around him, essentially protecting him.

• and the pogues always get a kick out of it when they see you too snuggled in the morning. they even take pictures, a lot of pictures of everything and anything they can.

• their fav times to take pictures is when you both are off guard: like when he’s putting his hat on you, he’s sharing his juul with you, you guys are laying together on the boat or maybe your surfing together in the water.

• he’s surprisingly intimate about everything even though they’re such mundane things for him.

• he expresses his love for you by actions rather than words. for example, he has a guitar (an absolutely beat up one with missing strings and chipped wood, but he says it has more character that way as well as your signature on the back of it)—

• —and just strums it for you absolutely whenever and however your mood is because no matter what its always calming. sometimes he even hums a little tune or starts singing a bit.

• another few ways he depicts his love for you is by shoving his baseball hat on your head (the one that absolutely nobody is allowed to wear) because he doesn’t want you frying in the sun or dying of heatstroke.

• a lot of his tank tops are now yours because they’re so comfortable and you can wear them literally anywhere.

• he shares, only with you but, he shares. his rings are on your fingers, his bandana is around your neck, his boxers are your sleep shorts, and he absolutely eats that shit up.

• he also gets extremely comfortable with you, like even more than john b in a way. example: you could just be chilling, his arm wrapped around your neck and — boom — he’s shoving your face in his armpit and trying to tickle you.

• it gets to the point where the pogues are so used to it and sometimes even they join in because they even like being included in on your affections but would absolutely rather drown than admit it. they love watching their two best friends love grow for each other, and they're happy jj has found sanctuary to love and be with someone freely.

• speaking of love, jj is also like a puppy: praise, reassurance and kisses are the way to his heart and staying there.

• i’m gonna say it, jj has self confidence and love issues. they are not detectable at all but with his mother gone and the way his father treated him, there’s shit buried in his heart that it takes awhile for him to open up about.

• once he does: he cries, and he cried a lot. but after that it was like never letting go again. he trusts you with his whole heart and soul and he knows you won’t take advantage of that.

• the way you both accept each other into each others lives is so important to him no matter where you live, who you are and what your family is like everything counts for him and that just makes you the person who you are.

• dating jj can be complicated and messy and wonderful and passionate and relationships aren’t easy but he would def be worth it <3

#jj maybank x routledge!reader #jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank x kook!reader #jj maybank x plus size reader #jj maybank x oc #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x you #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank fic #jj maybank hc #jj maybank headcanon #outerbanks fic #outerbanks smut #outerbanks fanfiction #outer banks

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not-me-simping-for-blasty · 2 years

Note

hiiiiii! can i request some cute sick bakugou headcannons plzzz? thx!

hi hi !!!! sure sure ofc @unicorneri

bakugou has a fever hcs:

- plays it off for as long as possible. like literally he’s pale as a ghost, coughing up a lung and bakugou will be like “i’m fine - mind your own fuckin’ business”

- he’ll borderline abuse vitamin c supplements and other natural remedies to try and curb the sickness before it can develop into smthing worse

- the only way he finally succumbs to just being sick is when the fever hits n his job performance tanks

- but when he does finally admit he’s sick??? good lORD

- get ready for bakugou’s sick WEEK. bc at this point he’s refused to acknowledge it for so long that its def gonna be a week long recovery period at least

- won’t let u in the bedroom under any circumstances for the first day or two. has this super intense weird thing ab not wanting to get u sick (finally caves and lets u in when the fever peaks super high and his brain is real foggy)

- fights with his blankets,,, literally in there tussling around n trying to throw them off him when he gets too hot

- when he has u on lock out, he’ll call u just to hear u talk to him. insists its so you “don’t get lonely and shit” ,,, but cmon. he’s so see-thru,, he’s clearly the lonely one!!!

- if you’re someone with cold hands, bakugou rlly likes when u put ur fingers on his cheeks while he’s burning up with fever. leans into ur hands like a puppy and straight up whines when his feverish skin starts to make your hands too hot

- very serious ab taking medication. sets alarms n everything

- mans likes a bath. u start to wonder if he drowned in there bc he spends sm time just soaking

- WHINER. no literally - swear to god every two seconds ab “my nose is stuffy” or “i’ve got a headache” n looking at u with big eyes like u’ll just somehow figure out how to fix it

- insists you put on one of your favorite shows for him to watch,,,, which is rlly rich considering at any other time he’d be mouthing off ab how “stupid” that same show was

- sometimes says his fever is “going up” more than necessary. then insists that you should take his temperature with the back of your hand, and absolutely not with the thermometer (he just wants u to be all gentle n sweet n lean over him n touch his face!!!)

- uncharacteristically sweet. not like, actually sweet, bc c’mon its still bakugou,,, but u know, more letting u pet his hair without a fight and less trying to bite your fingers off first for fun. think, like, maybe a lion given a horse tranquilizer ??

- crazy dreamer ,, rollin around, doin sprints in the sheets. u better sleep on the floor for ur own health n safety

- if u prop him up against the headboard with pillows, n then sit down next to him, he’ll slump over to rest his head on your shoulder instead. dont look at him tho. he’ll get flustered and sit back up

bOnUs:

his favorite sick days are the 3rd/4th one in, when he’d finally on the mend and lucid, but not well enough to go back in to work quite yet.

bakugou likes it bc he can pretend to still be sicker than he is - so you’ll take care of him just the same!!! he gets to soak it up without feeling embarrassed bc he’s still “sick” and in his mind he can justify it

#bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugou #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #bnha fic #bakugou headcannon #bakugou headcannons #bakugou hcs

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the-virgoperspective · 3 years

Text

astro observations pt.2

thank you all sm for the love on my first obsv post!! let’s dive into the next one, round two, here we go! same rules apply! please keep in mind that every aspect, degree, house, and sign placement is unique and even though you may have the same, it still may not apply. take what resonates and leave what doesn’t ❤️‍🔥 the red theme isn’t intentional i’m just really feeling the color rn

❤️‍🔥 tw: mentions of sex, bullying, depression, & body dysmorphia ❤️‍🔥

also 18+ for this one bc spicy cursing 🥴

❤️‍🔥 mercury in 11th are the top tier peacekeepers! they always know what to say, how to say it, and when. they can talk to anyone about p much anything and usually have soft voices esp if it is in libra or pisces!

❤️‍🔥 hot take but cap moons are literal babies dressed in well tailored suits. no shade to them at all bc i’m just as much of a baby sometimes but i see straight through that wall they put up. i had a friend with a cap sun and moon and it was like she knew i knew how much she was feeling. she cried around me very often and liked expressing her stress and frustration through it! if anyone, i was the emotionless one in the friendship, and i think i only let her see me cry once after knowing her for a year

❤️‍🔥 imo water and air moons clash way harder than water and fire moons. the way air moons analyze and compartmentalize how they feel can be difficult for a water moon to relate to. their usual natural reaction is to comfort, which is not always what an air moon wants, but fire moons love that shit. *cough* aries moons *cough*

❤️‍🔥 leo ascendants command attention without them even having to try. they just walk in and people have to take a second look! they posses this air of confidence that is so captivating and at times enviable. ily hotties, y’all bad asf 💋

❤️‍🔥 it’s really true that someone’s pluto falling in your 8th house can make you envy them to the point of your own destruction. an old friend of mine had her pluto in 1st in my 8th and sweet baby jesus what a toxic friendship that was! everything that pluto embodied i felt hidden within me while she had it on display, front and center, and it made me so jealous. i’d always wanted to be seen in the way that people saw her and her energy was so powerful and alluring, that when we were out together people barely even acknowledged me! after a while, i began to resent her so badly that i was just waiting for her to fuck up so i could cut her off. eventually, she did, and i did just that; but i can’t help but kick myself for even staying in a friendship that deep down, was never a friendship to begin with (on my end) 😕

❤️‍🔥 mars in 1st are such blunt and boisterous people, usually not in a bad way, they just don’t see the point in beating around the bush. they will not make themselves feel small for any reason and it doesn’t matter what their big 3 is, mars is at home in the 1st, and he will take control. they have a laughter that is loud and joyful with very lively and energetic spirits! however, their aggressive side is extremely powerful and not to be provoked

❤️‍🔥 taurus suns are the most fun earth sign, and as a virgo i hate to admit it, but it’s true! they really know how to enjoy the moment when necessary and highly value a good time. the type to have a company meeting at 6pm and leave for a party straight after😂 and they def had their outfit on under their work clothes

❤️‍🔥 aquarius/11th placement natives are so friendly!!! not at all like they are so stereotypically painted out to be. many of them possess so much warmth and love for other people and are truly some of the best friends you can have! they’re the ones to remember tiny details about you or to surprise you with something you’d been keeping an eye on. very conscientious natives with large hearts (and by conscientious i mean in the areas of activism or politics)

❤️‍🔥 if being pursued is something that you want, do not expect a libra mars to do it! they most likely will not take action because they can feel restricted in this area. if they do, it was after hours of contemplation and weighing pros and cons. once they’re committed though, they are very romantic and intentional

❤️‍🔥 this is only a theory! but! something i’ve noticed with scorpio ascendants is that they can be keen on giving people nicknames that stick forever (good or bad). with their 3rd house usually falling into the sign of aquarius or capricorn, the names they call people can be very original and also hilarious! an old scorpio asc friend of mine used to call this girl in our class by a nickname that stuck throughout our entire high school career 💀 i felt kinda bad for the girl even though she wasn’t the greatest

❤️‍🔥 sagittarius venus/venus in 9th natives take a lot of interest in people who appear to be very well-rounded and educated! they usually prefer to associate with those who have a thirst for knowledge like they do to bounce philosophical facts off of. also there’s a good chance they are multi-lingual and/or are wanting to learn a new language

❤️‍🔥 to piggyback off the last tid bit, sagittarius placements/degrees in general can indicate an interest or natural ability to learn languages! sagittarius is associated with the expansion of knowledge and love for culture so it is very likely that a person with a sag placement will be interested in these things. my mom has sag mars in 1st, is fluent in spanish and sign language and she goes on multiple trips every year!

❤️‍🔥 gemini with pisces placements (esp sun/moon/asc/merc) can make someone very emotionally and mentally erratic. like they are a walking contradiction 24/7! prominent earth placements can add some stability but that sporadic energy is still felt regardless. they also might have a lot of trouble going to sleep and/or staying asleep

❤️‍🔥 i’ve been seeing many people mention that virgos/virgo placements have a thing for making people feel horrible about their appearances and as a virgo raised by a virgo i have to chime in. it’s true. it’s sooo fuckin true it hurts. i even recognized that the way my mother would judge what people wore or how they looked was starting to bleed into my way of viewing the world. not only that, but i can’t remember a single day when she didn’t make a comment on what i looked like- and i mean every day. some were better than others, but it was extremely difficult hearing my mom say these things to me, especially when she thought she was being helpful. as a self-conscious, self-restricted, and insecure saturn in 1st baby trying to grow up, the things she said heavily contributed to my depression and body dysmorphia. it’s a daily battle but being aware and correcting the judgements i make of myself and others, and staying consciously open-minded, has helped A TON. virgos can be cut throat and their tongues are sharp as knives. there are ones that use those tongues for good and others for bad, and sometimes their intention is good, but the delivery can be severe in the most subtle of ways. but virgos are not the only ones who will tear your confidence to shreds! my libra sun granny is the most judgmental yet the least judgmental person i’ve ever known and it’s so infuriating??? (she deserves her own post tbh) also i had a cancer friend who’d literally never let me have a moment of peace if i wore something around her that she didn’t like, but she was just toxic as a whole 🤣 but yeah that’s my two cents, there are a lot of virgo placement people who are so terribly judgmental but there are plenty of gems out there who are working on their shit or have gotten it together! but psa, and i don’t care what your sun sign is, you never have the right to make someone else feel like shit for the way they look. and if you feel as though you do, there is a very special circle in hell for you ol’ buddy xoxo

~ i hope you all enjoyed this post, and once again if something resonates, please share! have a lovely day besties 💋

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baoshan-sanren · 3 years

Note

Hi...how are you? If you don't mind me asking what is your top 5 fav danmei novels (until now)? And why? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....

jfhdkhgfdjhdjks I JUST finished Peerless so that’s going first on my list bc I am weak and I WANT MORE

Peerless (无双) by Meng Xi Shi - (jjwxc link) (chapters 1-187) (extras 1-4) (not explicit) I am fckn IN LOVE with this novel. Feng Xiao and Cui Buqu are the most brilliant fucking morons I’ve ever met in my life. This is a slow build of all the slow builds, murder, intrigue, so much stupidity, court dramas, martial arts fights, levels of arrogance that would make even Yan Wushi shake his head (who does show up in a tiny little cameo in one of the chapters). The book is split up in five arcs that allow for a pause in between, if you find 190+ chapters to be too much for a continuous read through, but I would have flown through them in a space of a few days, if life hadn’t turned upside down on me. Now that I’m finally done, I miss these morons more than I’ve ever missed two fictional characters. This novel will def end up in my top five for a long time.

The Wife is First (妻为上) by Lu Ye Qian He - (jjwxc link) (chapters 1-5) (chapters 6-85 ongoing) (explicit) This is still, by far, the most feel-good danmei I’ve ever read. Jing Shao dies, then gets to relive his life all over again from the night of his wedding to Jun Qing. The beginning may be rough for some readers bc Jing Shao, despite getting another chance at life, has nonetheless arrived too late to prevent his first offense against the man he married (can you hear me screaming about hurt/comfort!). But from that point on, he is determined to do things differently, so the story that had been one of misery in his previous life, turns into one of love and devotion (and some very satisfying court scheming) in this one. It is an extremely satisfying read, and the relationship between the two mains, despite its rough start, is so goddamn lovely, I can’t recommend it enough.

The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System (人渣反派自救系统) by Mò Xiāng Tóngxiù - (physical novel purchase link) (chapters 1-80) (extras 80-98) (chapters 1-53 ongoing) (explicit) Yeah, this is my baby. I’ll admit off the bat I’ve read svsss at least ten times, which is five times more than either tgcf or mdzs. It’s hilarious, frustrating, insightful, feral, infuriating, and pretty fucking amazing, all at once, and all of it overlapping. I’ve written essays upon essays about mxtx’s creative choices in this novel, most of which will never see the light of day. This damn thing is so ridiculously rough on the surface, but svsss, for me, is like a damn onion, and every time I read it, I peel more layers off and find something else new underneath. I fucking love this damn novel, and you will only pry it from my cold dead hands.

Lord Seventh (七爷) by Priest - (jjwxc link) (chapters 1-5) (chapters 6-7) (chapters 8-32) (chapters 33-76) (extras 1-3) (semi-explicit?) It’s kind of a crime that this is the only Priest novel on this list, but if I can only list five, I’m gonna try and not double up on authors. Highly, highly, recommend this, especially to people who plan to read Faraway Wanderers. Zhou ZiShu’s background doesn’t take up a large part of the story, but the environment in which he thrived at court tells you much more about him as a person than the first fifty chapters of tyk do (and in much more stark terms). Jing Beiyuan is an absolute fucking delight, a man who had reincarnated multiple times, but managed to keep all of his memories of his previous (pretty terrible) lives. His sense of humor is therefore honed to the nth degree, and he is simultaneously a giant gremlin who takes nothing and no one seriously, but is also utterly done with everyone’s shit. Basically a story about being destined to forever be entangled with another person, and then deliberately choosing not to be. I love this goddamn novel to pieces.

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (二哈和他的白猫师尊) by Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat - (jjwxc link) (chapters 1-4) (chapters 5-149 ongoing) (heavily explicit) This fucking novel haunts me. It’s been over a year since I’ve read it, and I still sometimes lie awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering about the nature of life, love, forgiveness, and redemption (and then I curse Meatbun to high heaven). I once described reading 2ha as being stuffed feet-first into a wood-chipper for 200 out of 300+ chapters, and I still hold to that description. But this is, hands down, one of the most hauntingly beautiful novels I’ve ever read. To anyone who intends to read it, I highly recommend checking out a detailed list of content warnings first, buying three boxes of tissues, and being ready to have your life ruined for good.

Once again, I ask those who are willing and able, to buy the original novels and support the authors. (jjwxc buying guide for english-speakers here)

#danmei #novel recs #THANK YOU LOVE!#this was fun!#thanad-zid #ask for ts

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sodovelyy · 2 years

Text

(Desperately 🥲) Looking for RP partners! <3

howdy 🤠 my name’s loma and, well, i’m looking for something to pass the time and obsess over simultaneously! If you’re equally as bored and hungry for that “excitement” of creating a whole different world—continue reading :)

- I am 19 yrs old so i would prefer you to be around the same age (18 is fine, but def no younger than that as id love to include smut in our story!)

- i am more comfortable writing mxm and fxm, but i wouldn’t be opposed to trying out fxf. I might come across as a little kid trying to ride a bike for the first time since i’ve never written it but if the plot’s good then i won’t have a problem adjusting! (i just might fall off the bike and scratch my knees a couple times but 😭😭)

- i only roleplay bts members as of rn—but i’m fine w ocs as long as there is a bts member thrown into the pair!

- i mostly lean more towards college rps just bc i’m a sucker for the friends to lovers/enemies to lovers/“oh no i slept w my roommate and his dick is great” trope 💀💀 but i’m willing to try out different ones if you have some. however, college aus are more what i’m looking for >:)

- i’m a WHORE for crackships and would love it if we talked shit/laughed our asses off about our characters and fangirled together <3

- please contribute equally to the story and help come up w plot points. we like to keep things spicy around here 🥵

- also please give me enough to go off of! so no one liners or anything icky like that (i’m a SUCKER for dialogue so. pls drown me in it lmao)

- i’m a busy person so it might take me a bit to get back to you sometimes. that being said, i understand if you do the same just please lmk and don’t flake out on me like past rp partners have done (it just makes me uninterested in our story the more it drags out)

- OKAY WE ARE ALMOST DONE I SWEAR LMAOSHSK but if you’re interested even after reading all of my bogus requirements, pls send me a short bit of your writing and i’ll do the same!! I’m kind of embarrassed to admit how picky i am and am looking for a specific style of writing so!! if it doesn’t work out, it’s not you it’s def me 😔

- okay i lied, LAST THING FR. discord is preferred over tumblr :)) thank you sm for reading and taking an interest, i hope to rp together 💗 hmu ;)

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cas-rivaille · 3 years

Note

HELLO, DEAR!

Undertaker here! How are you today?

I was thinking the other day and I remembered an idea of mine I requested some time ago to another blog and I wanted to see your point of view as well, if you're comfortable with it ofc! I'll change it a bit because I have more ideas about it than before.

What if, hear me out, Obey me!MC was Sukuna's vessel??

I was thinking about a Female!MC but if you want you can keep them gender neutral (I don't mind!). So let's get into it, shall we?

Some facts about MC before the Devildom:

- They've already eaten all Sukuna's fingers

-But they are able to keep him calm inside themselves because over the year they've been together, MC decided to approach him more (Ya know if you have to die with/for someone, at least know them better)

-Sukuna took a liking to the MC, even though he would never admit it. (I mean- They always visit him in his domain to talk to him, read together, play cards (yes. You heard me. The king of curses loves Poker and UNO) or chess, they always ask him where would he like to go eat something, offer him some of their food to let him try new things, ect. Sometimes, but only SOMETIMES, they let him take control (not fully but they both can talk from the same mouth and he has control over one side, while MC has control over the other one))

- Having said that, Sukuna's still a stinky sassy bastard King. He's still rude, acts like he doesn't care about them and always finds a way to let them down when they're too happy. If they're sad though, he doesn't hurt them more. Sometimes MC even asks him advice whenever they're in doubt and after his bulling he actually gives pretty good advice (if you consider extreme violence a good advice that is)

Anyway, MC was going to get executed when suddenly they fell into Devildom. Their file didn't mention Sukuna at all and MC noticed that because when they arrived covered in talismans and chains the demons were confused about it. So, they kept the King a secret until lesson 16.

After Belphegor's crushing hug, while MC (the one from the original timeline) is in Mammon's arm, before Barbatos Thanoses the other timeline, Sukuna heals them and takes fully control of their body (the tattoos, the fangs, the long black claws, the other pairs of eyes and arms appear).

Now, HOW would the brothers, Diavolo and Barbatos react?

If it is too much or I did something wrong, feel free to ignore this! It's okay! Love you and have a good day!

OH MY GOD ?? THIS IS FANTASTIC THANK YOU OMG !

(i think i'm gonna do it hc style for the individual characters feelings but also some dialogue n stuff and each hc thing for each character is written as like in the game like they all like MC except belphie for obvious reasons)

tags: swearing, lesson uhhh smth spoilers ?? i think like 16 ?? (lmk if i need to tag anything else)

also hi ‘taker🥺🥺 i’m good today,, had a bit of a rough morning but i got to see my partner so i feel better !! how are you ? :D

and without further ado..

MC who is Sukuna's Vessel

- hold up

- hold the fuck up

- it was confusing enough when there were two MCs and one of them was near death in mammon's arms

- but now the injured MC gets healed and comes back to life ? but has another set of arms and eyes and is covered in strange tattoos ?

- then the other MC disappears ?

- when the demon MC starts talking, their voice is different and what-

"What the fuck did you to do MC?" Sukuna hastily spits out, checking the body for any other injuries. MC's voice is back and talking out of the same mouth.

"Sukuna, stand down," MC says.

"But he almost killed you ! Without me we wouldn't be standing here right now !" Sukuna argues back.

"I'm aware of that, but we have to be civil about this and talk to them," MC responds sternly.

"Then I want to be present for it. I'm not letting anything happen to you- I mean me. Yes me because I die if you die and I'm too godly to die," Sukuna rambles out before retracting the other set of arms but leaving the tattoos. He opens one of the eyes and forms a mouth on MC's right cheek to watch and participate in the conversation.

All the brothers and Divolo looked stunned at the scene that just happened.

"Questions ?" MC jokingly asks.

Lucifer -

- what ?

- questions ? is MC joking ?

- who the fuck is talking out of MCs body and what jurisdiction does he have

- isnt MC supposed to be human ??

- what does this mean for their relationship ?

- why did MC keep it from him ?

- he looks at dia and barbatos with the most confused face

- looks back at MC equally confused

- def hurts his pride that he didn't know

"Explain"

Lucifer's confusion turns to anger because that's the only way he knows how to cope/react to this.

Sukuna starts talking.

"Show a little more respect. I'm a king after all."

"Don't be an ass," MC shoots back. MC looks at Lucifer a little embarrassed.

"Uh, so this is Sukuna. He's the king of curses ? We kind of share a body because... uhh... it's a very long story but i mean the gist of it is I ate his thousand year old fingers ? There was 20 of them because he had two sets of arms like you saw before- it was very gross- but i had to because of the energy they posses ? When you brought me here and I was covered in seals and chains, was when I was about to be executed because I have all of Sukuna in me. So,, he can do stuff like heal my body and give me cool powers ? I don't really know what else to say." MC rambles using awkward hand motions and finishes by scratching the back of their head.

"Way to make me sound like a total fucking loser," Sukuna glares at MC.

"For the love of god stop talking-" MC shoots back.

Mammon

- huh ? someone has been sharing a body with his MC the whole time ?

- were they present the whole time ?

- did they see him acting like an idiot in love ?

- was sukuna there during e v e r y conversation he's ever had w them

- never felt more insecure and betrayed tbh

- why wouldn't you tell him ? he was your first

</3

- wants you all to himself

- doesn't want to share you with some four armed idiot

"So he's just, there all the time ?" Mammon asks.

"Not really? He has a headspace and he usually just chills in there but he can watch what's going on if he wants to." MC responds.

"That makes me sound lazy," Sukuna complains.

"Well if you don't like how I describe you then maybe you can talk about yourself. You're very good at it," MC smirks.

"Fine. I can do whatever I want. We can trade who has control over MC's body. I have a large supply of cursed energy and will beat the shit out of the next person who touches MC," Sukuna glares at Belphie.

"Yeah beat them in poker maybe. But not mariokart. You suck at video games in the headspace," MC laughs.

Leviathan

- was that how MC was so good at video games ?

- because they spent hours on end with this guy in their head playing video games ?

- why didn't MC come to him to play games ?

- why is MC okay with sharing a body with Sukuna ?

- why can he be the one to share a body with MC ?

- why was MC playing video games with literally anyone else ?

"So let me get this straight, you are his fingers and now you share a body ? How does that even work ? That sounds like something out of the manga 'My best friend ate some ancient object and now shares a body with an immortal warrior'" Levi questions MC.

"Okay so, Sukuna lived a really long time ago. When he died, the only thing that survived were his fingers. They each hold an incredible amount of cursed energy and it's only his fingers so from there you can imagine how powerful he was with the rest of his body," MC explains.

"Okay but that doesn't tell me why you ate the fingers ?" Levi raises an eyebrow.

"Oh. So I went to a high school for Jujutsu sorcerers, which are people who can manipulate cursed energy, and once I ate the first one to save my friend from dying, my choices were to die now or eat all of Sukuna and then be executed because he would die with me," MC says as if them dying was nothing.

Satan

- why has he never heard about Sukuna in any of the books he's read ?

- he historically doesn't exist in anything the devildom has book-wise

- so who is he ?

- needs to find out everything he can about him

- is there a way to separate MC and Sukuna ?

- his blood is boiling at the thought of MC sharing a body with someone

"So you've basically had super human powers this entire time and elected to not tell us ?" Satan glares at MC.

"Well, when you put it like that it sounds bad. I just didn't want you all to meet Sukuna because he has a lot of anger issues and is quite an asshole and I was trying to avoid this entire conversation that is happening," MC sighs.

"Rude," Sukuna says.

"Anger issues. You think we couldn't deal with this ? Are you serious right now ?" Satan asks.

MC shrugs their shoulders nervously.

"How much do you actually know about what sharing a body with him does to you ?" Satan asks while looking at the small mouth and glaring.

"I mean, I get these marks because he had them when he was alive. He was also so powerful to the point he had four arms and another set of eyes, like you saw before. I get those when he takes over mostly, but I can kee him restrained. But the eye thing is why I've always had slits under my eyes because the eyes are the most common thing to show up. The arms don't really. But it's entirely painless so don't worry," MC somewhat calmly explains.

Asmodeus

- those marks make MC look so good wtf-

- not the time

- so this Sukuna person lived a thousand years ago ?

- what was this about jujutsu sorcery ?

- what even is that ?

- asmos not the brightest on the block but from the looks on his brothers faces none of them know what the fuck MC is talking about either.

- they've explained a little bit of it b there's still some missing info

- what is sharing a body really like

- how much of MCs body can change to be like Sukunas ?

"So how much of your body can he control ? What can he heal ? Could he bring you back from the dead ?" Asmo curiously asks.

"He can't control much because it's my body and I have a lot of raw power by myself. I don't know if he can bring us back from the dead. I don't think so though or else the Jujutsu school wouldn't have tried to execute me. He used to be able to bring us back when I hadn't eaten all of his fingers, but now I don't think he can," MC explains.

"So why do you let him live in your body if he can't do much for you ?" Asmo questions.

"Well one, I don't think there's a way to get him out-"

"I'm still here you know," Sukuna interrupts.

"You've made that clear," MC says before continuing, "And two he can do stuff for me. It's like a symbiotic relationship. I give him a host and he protects me."

Beelzebub

- protects MC ?

- that's his job

- why is someone else protecting MC ?

- overall confusion

- even tho MC has gone over it multiple times, he doesn't get how or why Sukuna is in MC's body

- maybe it's the shock

. was this why MC could challenge him to armwrestling and almost win ?

"So how long has he been in you ?" Beel asks.

"About a year," MC responds.

"Can he make you live longer aside from healing you ?" Beel asks hopefully.

"I'm sorry, I don't think so..." MC says while looking at the ground. They cross their arms. They look small, as if they aren't small enough compared to him already.

"So, what does this mean ? Now that your secret is out... are you going to stay in the devildom with us ? Or do you have to leave ?"

" If I leave I'll surely be executed when I go back to the human world. If I stay I don't know what will happen to me, but it's not up to me. It's up to you guys if you want me to stay. I understand if you want me to go, I was harboring a big secret and it's probably unnerving to know that you're never truly alone with me, but Sukuna actually cares about my boundaries even though he acts like he doesn't. There are some pluses and there are some drawbacks but ultimately you have to decide." MC responds, looking from brother to brother then at Dia and Barbatos

Belphie

- MC ? dead if you back to the human world ? doesn't bother him

- he doesn't care

- he hasn't known MC long enough to care

- diavolo may have told everyone that MC was a descendant of human Lilith and he told everyone the events that actually happened, but why should he have any attachment to MC

- MC isnt Lilith, and MC sure as hell doesn't like him after the events that happened today

- from what he's heard, MC dying would be good for the human world

"I say send MC back. What happens to them isnt our problem any more," Belphie says while under his magical restraints Diavolo put on him.

"Of course you would say that," Satan glares at him.

"Shut up Belphie !!" Mammon and Levi yell.

"You don't have any right to an opinion in this matter." Lucifer states.

"Belphie that's mean," Asmo says.

Beel frowns.

"I vote they stay. I like MC regardless, and if all I have to do is adjust to Sukuna then I'll do it," Beel says while looking Belphie dead in the eye.

There's a beat of silence.

"Me too," Mammon says.

"Hey ! I was going to say that !" Levi protests.

"Oooh~ Count me in !" Asmo says with a smile.

"I also think they should stay," Satan says and looks at MC.

"My personal preference is also that they stay, but Lord Diavolo it's up to you," Lucifer says and looks at Dia.

Diavolo

- he knew there was something off, but couldnt place his finger on it

- he also constantly got a powerful vibe from MC and this explains it

- he was very fond of MC and enjoyed their presence

- he knew what he was going to do

"Barbatos, what do you think ?" Dia asks him.

"The decision is up to you m'lord," Barbatos responds.

"Well Id also like the input of my trusty all knowing butler," Diavolo laughs.

"Then, I see no reason to send them back to the human world. They can live out their lives here and safe from the school that wants to execute them. It also wouldn't be an issue to get anyone from the human world here if MC so desired," Barbatos replied.

"Then it's settled ! Welcome to the devildom for the rest of your life MC!!" Diavolo smiled and welcomed MC with open arms.

MC smiled and accepted the hug.

Barbatos

- he didn't know all along, but he know when the timelines crossed and he had to erase the other

- MC was very near and dear to his heart though and he wasnt about to let them be killed

- just wants to keep MC safe

I HOPE I DID A GOOD JOB AND THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST REMEMBER TO FRINK SOME WATER ILY TAKER <3

- mars :)

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