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#also i finnished my first exam!!!!

midrosel · 8 months

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as someone going to high school and having some courses with point systems (like the grade is depicted by the number of points you get from assignments) it’s somehow fascinating how i was like ”yeah a ten seems like i can’t reach it” (needed at least 400 points) and today, looking at the message from my teacher telling my grade and what components, i was like ”oh yeah, forgot about the 30 % boost”. got the fucking ten. easiest ten i’ve ever gotten in high school lol. it’s fascinating how different teachers grade differently.

#last sentence dedicated to my finnish language teachetd #first few graded me around nines #the one whose courses i’ve mostly done has given me an eight and others have been seven. don’t know what i’m doing wrong.#aiming to pass this fucking last mandatory course and then not to think it again before the revision course #i need to only pass them to graduate #nobody’s gonna actually look at the numbered grades afterwards so idc #also about the finnish teachers: i’ve been writing the same way always - i don’t know why the grades are so different #a bonus in the course i’m talking about was that i didn’t actually need to turn up to school for exam day

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dashoulinas-fandom-dump · 3 months

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Ok, everyone's been doing this lately, so I also need myself one of those.

Haven't been able to start doing anything for way too long now. I AM planning on starting going through my to do list now on the weekends, but 3 hours in my day I haven't been very successful about it... So some extra motivation would be extremely helpful right now.

Ok, let's do this:

10 notes I'll do my Finnish Duolingo for today (5 lessons)

20 notes I'll start doing some stupid music assignment that'll take 20 min max what even is the point of music assignments?!

40 notes I'll start the other a bit bigger and less stupid music assignment I still don't get the point of music assignments

70 notes I'll write a review of a random piece of media (most likely GO, anybody surprised?) for English class

100 notes I'll clean my room

200 notes I'll complete my part of the Economics presentation (due on Monday)

400 notes I'll start writing my Economics essay (also due on Monday)

700 notes I'll go ahead and learn Finnish for 2-3 hours cos I really need to and I haven't been doing it for a month already so every time I have the online lesson I have no idea what those guys are talking about

950 notes I'll go for a walk (and may or may not buy myself some chocolate)))

1000 notes I'll go to sleep early (like 22:00 early)

All tasks before the cut are all more or less due on Monday

1200 notes I'll learn some Maths I've been putting off for way too long (it's not school work but still. I'm getting dumb without it)

1500 notes I'll start researching for universities for my future studies

1900 notes Do a presentation about the them for sharing in class (why do we have to do this?!)

2000 notes I'll start finally doing my research practice essay task (first part of which was due a month ago😭) (I did confess to the teacher tho, and she said it's not a big deal now, because it's not even graded, but it is for my own good because next year it will be very much graded)

5000 notes and I'll read the book we have to read for the exam and start getting ready to tell the teacher something coherent for 10 min straight on the exam day (I don't think I'll be physically able to do it, I'll start asphyxiating on the second minute of the speech (not that I have breathing problems, but the social anxiety does things to me))

Idk is that the appropriate amount of notes for each task?....

#notes for motivation

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glorysalazar · 1 year

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No Duolingo, no problem

Jere Pöyhönen / Käärijä x Fem! Reader

Summary: You moved to Finland a few weeks ago and can't seem to feel at home: you're starting at a new job, you don't understand the language, you're kind of going through a break up... One tired and cold evening you head into the first bar you can find and briefly meet a cute guy you can't stop thinking about for the next few weeks. You try to forget about him, but when you go back to the same bar for some random gig your coworkers have invited you to go to, you find him again. [This takes place way before Eurovision]

Word count: 5.9k

Warnings: English isn't my first language and I got a little lazy mid writing. Also they smoke a vape oops (seriously now don't do it it's shit for your health). Maybe smut implications at the end?

A/N: I didn't know what to name this lmao. I cannot believe I wrote fanficiton for the first time in YEARS because I fell in love with a Finnish guy after watching Eurovision. Anyway, I noticed an enormous shortage of Jere fics and decided to risk my final exams to serve the people. I hope it's worth it! Also apologies if the Finnish translation is shit I used a random website for it lol

Glossary:

"Anteeksi, pudotit takkisi" -> "Sorry, you dropped your coat"

"Jere, istuimme takapöydässä" -> "Jere, we are sitting at the back table"

"Olen tulossa" -> "I'm on my way"

"Hetkinen, kiitos!" -> "One moment, please!"

"Jere, sinun vuorosi on kymmenen minuutin kuluttua" -> "Jere, you're on in ten minutes"

"Minä menen nyt" -> "Coming"

"Hei kaikille, miten meillä menee tänään?" -> "Hi everyone, how are we doing today?"

"Kiitos, Mikko, arvostan sitä todella" -> "Thank you, Mikko, I really appreciate it"

"Miten uskallat tulla tänne?" -> "How dare she come here?"

"Meidän on hyödynnettävä sitä" -> "We'll have to make use of it"

"Mikä on sana?" -> "What's the word?"

...

It was cold. Hell, it was colder than she could have ever imagined before coming here. Sure, she had checked the country's temperatures before moving, researched online about what to expect for someone who was used to easy winters, had bought the fuzzy-fur-on-the-inside-boots and the heavy jacket and all that was recommended to face the never-ending snowing. But still, it somehow hadn't been enough.

A job offer and the need to find some new purpose to latch onto had led (Y/N) here. Now three weeks in, with no friends and hardly a place to call her home had helped regret start to settle in. So many things felt out of her control: the way her colleagues seemed to think she was a mess, the cashiers at the supermarket sighing because she still didn't understand the language, everyone from her hometown rolling their eyes when she announced she was leaving in a way that meant you're not gonna make it.

Yet being thrown outside her comfort zone, and being forced to move on however she could manage, made her feel at least some kind of thrive. Which was far more than she had back home.

As she walked down the street for some place to find shelter in, hands shaking and breaths almost uneven, a neon sign caught her attention. Even though she couldn't figure out the name, it looked like a pretty okay bar. She didn't need much convincing anyway; anything would do to get out of this freezing gale. She made her way in.

The warmth was a instant relief. Stripping down from the many layers of upper clothes, she took a quick glance to check the place out. Not many people, which was fair for a Wednesday evening. There was low music playing, mild chatter and a bunch of people sitting alone in the stools, which was a relief. At least she wouldn't be the only one.

As she ordered a beer (one of the few phrases she had made sure to master) she felt her hands come alive again. The beverage came along and she took a long, much anticipated sip. It tasted significantly different from the brands she was used to, but it was just fine. Alcohol is alcohol.

Finally feeling at ease, she took her phone out and started mindlessly scrolling through social media to kill some time. It was still early in the evening since she had just gotten out from work. An extra challenging day is what had led her to wander outside for a bit instead of heading back to the dull apartment she hadn't even been able to decorate yet. Going home right after would've led her to start overthinking if this job was even right for her, if she had gone crazy by moving hundreds of kilometres away from what she's always known, if her ex-girlfriend had been right when she accused her of being too impulsive, if it would be such a bad thing to give it up already and leave—

"Anteeksi, pudotit takkisi", she heard a voice say behind her.

When she turned around to give her "sorry I still don't speak Finnish" speech, she was met with a blue-eyed, dark-haired, funky but sweet looking guy holding her jacket, which she now understood had fallen to the floor. It caught her by surprise that she somehow forgot how to speak for a brief moment.

"Oh! Thank you, I hadn't noticed it was on the floor" she ended up answering, taking the jacket back as the man handed it to her with a confused look in his eyes. "Sorry, I'm not from here. I don't speak Finnish yet" she added with a small chuckle.

"No, don't worry, Finnish, uh- hard language to learn" he answered through an amusing smile, with a thick accent and a clear struggle to speak English.

She half laughed at his answer. Until now, people hadn't been so kind about the language-barrier impediment. "Yes, it is a little bit", she followed, now taking in his appearance.

Painted nails. Double nose piercings. Earrings. Facial hair. A bowl cut? Interesting choice, but it suited him surprisingly well. Her brain decided through that brief examination: he was cute. Attractively cute.

"You can try Duolingo. I use for my English, but don't work very very well" the man said the second part more as a correction to himself, making both of them laugh from the random half advice. He tried to fix it: "Maybe for you works better".

"Maybe. I'll check it out. Thank you again" her response was going to be followed by an invitation for him to sit down with her, as she felt a sudden wave of boldness: I need to make some friends in this town or else I'll go crazy. But a group of three other guys that had come in after him caught her stranger's attention.

"Jere, istuimme takapöydässä", one of them said to him, while walking to a table at the back corner of the bar.

"Olen tulossa" he turned around to answer, then looked at her once more, "I go now with my friends. Enjoy your beer" he smiled and small-waved goodbye, as she copied his gesture. "Enjoy your evening".

That small interaction was enough for her to spend the next half hour looking up from her phone, which she had retreated to, to glance at him from time to time. His group of friends and him seemed to be having a good time, and she enjoyed the view of him. He looked like a very interesting person, too, and if she was being honest, she hadn't been struck by someone new in quite some time. Not by her neighbors, not by the people she was starting to coincide with at the grocery shop, not even by her co-workers.

She noticed him looking at her from time to time as well.

When her glass was empty and just as the clock on her phone struck seven, she got up and got prepared to face the freezing wind once again. At least it wasn't that long of a walk to her place.

She lingered for a moment before exiting the bar, then finally did so while warning herself not to get too caught up on the nice stranger she suddenly felt she was leaving behind. It was just a one minute interaction. You probably won't see him again. Quit this teenager act. Focus on the important tasks ahead of you.

It was already pitch black outside, snow accumulated on the sidewalks, the air was even colder than before.

Excitement started to bubble up in the pit of her stomach.

...

Two weeks had gone by and although she had been meaning to return to the bar, she just hadn't find the time to do so. Once the job's training period ended, the hectic rythm started. In her free time, when she wasn't taking care of the house or just resting, she was trying to find some language academy where she could actually properly learn Finnish. Cute guy had been right: Duolingo just didn't do the trick.

She had hoped he would appear around the neighborhood, that maybe he lived nearby. But there had been no luck. It was fine, though. She knew she would let go of it rather quickly at that point, it's not like she had been thinking about his addictive smile or pretty eyes or soft-looking hands. Not at all.

It was Friday, and some acquaintances from work she had managed to pull off had invited her to a small gig. She didn't even remember the musician's name nor did she know where it was going to be, but nevertheless she was happy to go and actually get to have some fun with other people. Who knows, cute guy might even be there.

She didn't even realize they were headed to the bar until they were right in front of it. Inside, a small stage platform had been set up and tables and chairs had been removed to make space for the audience. It wasn't very spacey anyway, the place could hold about a hundred people squeezed together tops.

"Huh, hadn't even thought of this place as a venue" she let her thoughts trail out loud.

"Have you been here before?" her coworker Aubrey, who she had slightly bonded with because she was also a foreigner, asked her. "Only once" the girl explained, already searching for a certain someone's face in the crowd. "So, who have you brought me to see tonight?" she asked, in the hopes of at least getting some conversation non-work related flowing. "I don't really know, coming here was Mikko's idea. He's always trying to get us into these weird small rap-rock Finnish bands, and listen, I've lived here for over a year now and I still don't really get the hype" Aubrey explained making both of them laugh "But it always ends up being fun when we go out" she added.

The rest of the group had moved forward to get a good spot near the humble stage, as Mikko babbled on and on about nonsense the two women couldn't figure out from the distance. "Hey, I'm going to the bathroom real quick. Mind saving me a place?" (Y/N) asked her colleague, who answered affirmatively.

She made her way through the crowd in between "excuse me's" and "sorry's" but got there with quite ease. One of the two toilet doors had a sign that read "Out of order", so she knocked on the one that was left to check if anyone was inside. A voice that sounded vaguely familiar came from the other side: "Hetkinen, kiitos!"

Nervousness suddenly struck her. Is this who I think it is?

When the door opened there was no doubt. Cute stranger was standing in front of her.

"Oh! Hello" he blurted out just as he saw her, sounding surprised. Today he was wearing eye makeup and bottom eyeliner, which suited him very, very well. He has such a pretty face.

She realized now she had not been able to get over this guy in the two weeks of not seeing him, even though she didn't even know his name.

"Hi" was all she could manage to say. She had been looking for him when she entered the bar but she was convinced he was not actually going to be there, "It's good to see you!" she added, as a way of avoiding an awkward silence.

"You as well. You, uh, you come to... concert?" he inquired, struggling to find the last word while pointing towards the direction where the stage was to make sure he was being understood.

She noticed he was wearing an all yellow outfit that consisted of corduroy pants and a button up. He looks good in it.

"Yes, some work friends brought me here. But if I'm being honest I don't even know who's playing" she confessed, slightly covering her mouth with one of her hands to joke around, as if she had spilled a dark secret. Stranger burst out laughing. His laugh was cute. "Do you know if he's good? I wanna know if I'll be wasting my time or not" she asked him, pretending to be a diva to keep his laugh going.

He had his arms crossed and his tongue between his teeth as he slightly giggled. "No, I think he's pretty ok. I think you will like, even if no understand" his answer was playful and accompanied with another small laugh. She continued joking around, this time putting her hands up in pretend self defense "Hey, I'll try my best. Maybe using Duolingo for two days actually did something" she shot back, realizing after saying those words that she had just told Mr. Stranger she had followed his advice.

He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head playfully "You did what I say to you" he stated. "Yes, but you were right. It's not really helpful. Now I just keep getting emails from the goddamn owl and feel scared that he's going to find me and kill me for not going back to the app" she explained exaggeratedly, which made their giggles grow bigger and even he bent his knees with laughter.

Their little chit-chatting was cut when a man who looked like he had been searching for someone stopped in his tracks at the beginning of the bathroom hall and shouted at them: "Jere, sinun vuorosi on kymmenen minuutin kuluttua". She turned around to look at the source of the voice and then back at stranger when he answered "Minä menen nyt". She wished she knew what they were saying, but she assumed it had just been his friend telling him to hurry up. Also, was Jere his name? She had heard it two times already.

"Someone's always calling out for you", she commented when they were left alone again. "It's because me popular, yes yes" he joked, putting a hand to his chest and shrugging. "Listen, I go now. Concert starting soon" he explained, pointing out to the stage's direction once again "I see you there?" he asked, eyebrows raised as he put a hand to her shoulder, looking into her eyes. His blue ones had her mind going blank for a moment. That seemed to happen a lot when he was around. "Uh- yeah, sure, see you there". He smiled again then moved past her to return to the hall. She stared at him leave as she opened the door to the bathroom and finally went inside, smiling to herself and biting her bottom lip.

She hurried back once she was finished not only in fear of missing out the start of the concert, but more so in fear of not finding him again. Aubrey raised her hand to catch her attention and she followed the lead back to the group. The place was packed, it was hot, and there was a lot of chatter going on.

"What took you so long?", Aubrey asked as she got to her side, just in front of the stage, "They're about to start". (Y/N) was standing on her tiptoes and turning her head in all directions. She had just talked to him and the bar was not that big: where the hell had he hid himself?

"There was a long line to the bathroom..." she started off distantly, then turned to face Aubrey "Hey, this is going to sound weird, but have you seen-" just when she was going to make the question, she noticed some people walking up to the stage and everyone started cheering.

As she looked up, she couldn't have been more dumbfounded.

It was him. Mr Stranger was the one performing tonight.

"Hei kaikille, miten meillä menee tänään?" he shouted out to the public, (Y/N) assumed as a way of greeting everyone. He took no time noticing she was right there, which made him grin even wider. "I see we have international people tonight. Good" he said while looking directly at her. She felt her coworkers eyes on her.

"Do you know him?" Aubrey whispered-shouted to her, "I- uh, no, yes? Briefly" she responded back as he continued on in Finnish. She remembered the question she had made him earlier and mentally facepalmed. This cheeky dude. Lying to her face just so he could later get her reaction.

Since there was no way of understanding what he said, she concentrated on what she could see. Two men behind him wearing pink shirts and shorts and sunglasses. A DJ table, no instruments. There was a sign hanging from the wall that read "Käärijä". Was that his artistic name? She was very intrigued by everything going on and wondered what genre he was going to play.

She had no idea what was coming.

As soon as he stopped talking and the music started playing, his demeanor changed. His stare became fiercer, his movements provocative and unleashed. He walked around the stage like he owned it, stared at the audience like he knew they would do whatever he asked them. Every beat before he started singing rumbled inside her, made her hold her breath in anticipation. She let it out once the words started to fall from his mouth.

The lyrics could have been shit for all she knew. His deep voice, the exotic pronunciation, the hard rapping from the boy who had seemed so sweet and wholesome but was now showing another side of him, the song's rhythm and tone. She was all in. So in, that her body started swaying to the sound almost like an automatic response, and jumped around alongside everyone else when the music demanded to do so.

"Ok, he's really good" she said to her coworkers as the crowd sung alongside him. "Mikko, you were right, he's really good" she insisted to the boy beside her, who was clearly enjoying himself. "I told you!" he answered amidst chanting, "Jere is my most talented friend". Oh, okay. Mental note taken.

As he performed his songs, (Y/N) couldn't help but admire the dedication Jere put on and the absolute fun he looked like he was having. Also, she realised he was at least kind of known around here, because people were singng alongside him.

The head banging, self touching, slightly undressing and sticking his tongue out only added more to his eclectic movements and gestures that made the show feel like a mix of energetic, passionate and, why deny it, lascivious state. Her eyes were glued to him in a capitative stare, that he would catch from time to time and hold for a few seconds. Then he would turn to his attention somewhere else, but a smirk would make a clear appearance on his face.

Whenever he finished a number, the loud clapping allowed him some time to take a sip of water. The clothes he was wearing and its material soon became unbearable, which lead him to take his shirt off completely. "Sorry, it is hot in here" he stated into the microphone pretending to excuse himself as a joke, as everyone in the room made a fuss about it. He was heavily sweating all over his face, neck and torso.

If she had previously been absorbed by him, at this point it was almost unbearable. She had not expected to see so much exposed flesh, and the pectoral tattoo nearly had her weak on her knees.

For some reason, freehing himself from his clothes somehow made him behave even wilder from then on out. He started getting closer to the front row, some even holding out their arms to interact with him, him receiving the gesture with no issue. The Fin looked so confident in what he was doing, it only made her feel even more attracted to him.

He moved so quickly (Y/N) didn't even have time to process when he positioned himself right in front of her, amidst performing a song, and full on stroked her cheek for a few lasting moments, all the while mainting direct eye contact. It was as if no one else had been around them, as if this instant had been theirs only. She didn't respond to the touch by touching him herself, since she couldn't find the strength to be as bold; but the breath hitching and swallowing saliva right after were a clear sign to Jere that he made her feel things. He would quite probably feel embarrassed about it later, but right now it made him feel close to powerful.

The whole gig ended on a high note, the applause was strong and lasting. (Y/N) clapped her hands so fast they even started hurting a little, and could understand through the noise that Jere was thanking everyone for coming out to see him. As he was about to exit the stage, some music started playing over the speakers as to signal that the performance was over and everyone could retreat to either leave the bar or get a drink and stay there for a longer while. As the people from the front row turned around and waited to have a chance to move, (Y/N) felt a hand on her shoulder.

Jere looked exhausted, but it also seemed like the whole night had riled him up. "You don't leave now?", he meant to ask, but came out more as a plead. She wouldn't even dream of doing so right now. "No, no, I'm staying" she rushed to answer. "Good. Wait for me?" he went on. She could only manage to nod her head yes. He smiled and quickly went "backstage" to freshen up.

"Okay, what the actual hell was that?" Aubrey took no time to pry her, "It did not look like knowing each other briefly". (Y/N) shrugged while putting her hands in the air and half laughing, not knowing how to beat those allegations.

"It's classic Jere. Finds a girl cute and cannot stop himself" Mikko chimed in, while grinning, "Now I understand, you must be the girl he saw a couple of weeks ago over here, right?"

"He's talked about me?" she said, a bit shocked, while Mikko lead the way for the three of them to go grab a drink. "Yes, well, now that I connect the dots, that evening you came here, it was a Wednesday, right? I came too, but it must've been after you left. When I arrived he was commenting it".

Some of the other coworkers were starting to leave, not without commenting the elephant in the room before grabbing the door. "You're gonna be the talk of the office now", Aubrey asserted, making Mikko laugh and (Y/N) grow redder by the minute. "I don't even- we haven't even talked that much, really. But watching him onstage was..." she trailed off, letting out a sigh and grabbing the drink Mikko offered her, thanking him in the process. "Yes, it's his special trait. That magnetism he holds is what's gonna get him places", he agreed.

"Okay, but does this whole act mean that he always does this? Like, does he take advantage of his concerts to mindlessly flirt with random people?" (Y/N) suddenly tried to rationalize the fast track of actions Jere was taking on with her. Sure, she liked him, and she really, really wanted to have some fun. Needed it, even. This bonding moment with Aubrey and Mikko right now, this non-work related, exciting chatter; the going out; as precipitating as it sounds she was starting to feel like she was finally making friends, establishing a life. But she also didn't want to be played around with.

"Ohhh, no, not necessarily" her coworker laughed, calming her down "Käärijä the performer is seductive, provocative, even uncontrollable" he took a sip from his drink, "But Jere the person is another story. Dude wouldn't even hurt a fly, I mean it" he reassured her. He then was about to say something else, but stopped on his tracks when they all noticed the man of the hour and the tow men who had performed with him coming over to them. However, he quickly commented to the girls the following before Jere could hear them: "If anything, he's the one who has been played around with".

Jere approached Mikko first, going in for a hug, which made total sense given the fact that they were friends. (Y/N) appreciated it, because his last comment had caught her by surprise. He had changed into some track pants and graphic loose t-shirt, and over all he already looked far more calmed down and back to his more, to put it some way, innocent self. Aubrey and (Y/N) exchanged a look before introducing themselves to the guys in pink, who had not changed their outfits. Their names were Jaakko and Aleksi.

"Hey, I recognize you. You were all in the bar that day I was here" she said as a realization. "Yes, we were planning tonight" Aleksi answered, "Did you like it?" he added, to both her and Aubrey.

While the four of them engaged in small talk, the girls understood that Mikko was congratulating his friend on his performance and Jere was thanking him, "Kiitos, Mikko, arvostan sitä todella", he said with appreciation on his face, closed smile and big puppy eyes (Y/N) couldn't ignore. With one last ruffle on his hair from Mikko, the two men stayed with one arm over the other's back and turned to the group.

"Alright, let's talk in English now so we can all understand each other..." Mikko started off. "I see you guys have already introduced yourselves, very good. Now let me introduce you girls to Käärijä himself, although maybe a certain someone doesn't need it" he playfully remarked, making Jere look away while hiding his face and (Y/N) roll her eyes. "Jere, these are (Y/N) and Aubrey from work. Aubrey, (Y/N), this is Jere" he played around using a formal tone and letting out of their embrace.

"Nice to meet you" Aubrey answered, shaking hands with him and gently pushing (Y/N) forward once she was done to signal her to do so as well.

"I finally know your name" he commented, making her chuckle, "Yes, I guess you do". Mikko and Aubrey swiftly moved to give them some space, going over to Jaakko and Aleksi, who were all in in the same unspoken plan.

"You like the show?" he seemed a bit nervous as he rested his elbow on the counter and signaled the waiter to get him a drink, while attentively listening to her answer, "Honestly, I'd never been to one quite like this. I mean, I've been to rock concerts and such, but this energy you guys put on stage was totally new for me. I really enjoyed it tho, you're really good" she sincerely said.

"Oh, thank you, really" Jere put a hand to his chest as to show gratitude, "It was first concert after months of not doing", he further explained, "So means a lot all people who come here, yes. I'm so happy for this, I was worried if not work well". He sounded so humble (Y/N) couldn't help but grow to like his personality even more. She was curious to know why he hadn't played in a way, but also didn't want to intrude, so she opted for another response. "Well you should be. We all had a blast".

"You understand anything I sing?" he wondered with a perky smirk, before taking a sip from the beer that had just landed in front of him. "I didn't need to", she let it out without giving it a second thought, almost as if this was the only real answer she could give, which to her felt absolutely true. He was shocked by it and spilled some of the drink out, quickly catching the dripping by covering his mouth with a napkin.

"Ah, I make fool of me now, great!" he tried to cover up by playing down the incident. She couldn't stop laughing out loud, some people even noticing the whole scene between the two of them, specially Mikko and company who laughed as well from a distance, "That's what you get for lying to me before" she joked, but grabbed a napkin as well to clean his shirt up, softly patting it on his chest. "Sorry, I wanted to surprise" he justified. It was in that moment that she noticed they were almost the same height. When her gaze moved upward from the stain she was cleaning up, his stare was way closer than she had thought. He carried on talking.

"Also, before, I hope I not make you... uh-, mikä on sana epämukavalle?" he looked over at Mikko for help regarding a language inquire.

"Uncomfortable"

"Yes, that" Jere said, "I hope I not make you uncom... uncomfortable when I, you know-" he tried to explain himself, struggling with the pronunciation. He stroked his own cheek to interpret what he attempted to say. "Oh! No no, don't worry, it was- it was okay. I liked it, actually", his relief was evident after she assured him. He let out a nervous giggle.

Then, something caught his attention. His gaze had travelled to the door, past (Y/N), and what he saw made his face turn dead serious, although also sad. Mikko, Aleksi and Jaakko very quickly noticed what was happening. Aubrey and (Y/N) also turned around to check it out: a girl was standing by the entrance looking for someone with a worried expression.

"Miten uskallat tulla tänne?" Jaakko expressed angrily. The three men addressed Jere, who suddenly was a loss of words and course of action.

"Ex alert" Aubrey whispered to (Y/N) while sipping from her drink's straw. "They're asking him if he wants to go talk to her" she informed her friend, which (Y/N) was thankful for. It was really tiring to not catch anything on her own sometimes. While the four men were talking to each other, deciding what to do next, (Y/N) grabbed Jere's arm and everyone's attention fell on her. She just couldn't stop strongly empathizing with him because she had also recently been through a break up and knew how shitty it was. Jere seemed more at ease when she talked, "Are you okay? Do you want to get out of here?" he looked past her again, everyone following his direction and realizing his ex was coming over to them. "I do, please", "Then we're getting out of here", (Y/N) decided, "You guys coming?" she asked the rest. "No, you guys go on. We'll make sure she doesn't follow" Mikko stated, thankful for her determination.

They said rushed goodbyes and (Y/N) got ahold of his hand to guide him towards the door. When they walked past her, she tried to talk, but they were quick to get out.

As per usual, it was freezing. They started to wander off to anywhere.

...

"I'm sorry about having to go"

They had found a comfortable spot in a park overlooking the town's river and had settled there. They had walked for a while, him trying to talk about anything else but his ex.

"Don't sweat it. I fully understand" she comforted him, then took the vape he had previously offered to her and took a puff before continuing, "I got broken up with three months ago... I hate to admit it, but it's part of the reason I ended up deciding to move here", she explained. He listened to her attentively, with a stern face.

The night was silent over here. It was only the sound of the stream and their hushed voices

"Can I ask why the break up?" he inquired, not wanting to pry on too much. "Only if I can ask why the break up", she made him chuckle. "Yes, of course" he accepted.

"She said I was too impulsive and that she couldn't trust me to maintain a steady and stable relationship, because I couldn't even do that with my own life" she sighed after her explanation and rolled her eyes.

"Wow" Jere said, disapproving look on his face "Hard thing to say".

"Yes, but honestly, I don't hold a grudge anymore. She had her right to think that way too. I do so too sometimes" she admitted, handing back the electronic cigarette, since they were taking turns to smoke.

"That's shit" he commented, which made them both laugh, "But I understand, too. "My ex, Sofia, that's her name, she uh- said she not approve of music career" his gaze moved upfront, "She said It's either me or music, and I think she not like my answer" Jere let out a half-sad cackle, "This is all I ever wanted to do. I loved her, I feel like I still do a bit, you know? But..." he nodded negatively before finishing the sentence, "I need someone who give support. What I told you before, the not doing concerts? A part of it was because I got, uh, insecure".

Silence fell between them as they both got lost in their own thoughts for a brief moment.

"You know, for someone who claims to not be good at English, you can maintain quite a deep conversation" her words made him belly laugh again. He looked at her and handed the vape once more. "Don't need Duolingo for that" he referenced. He was about to speak again but cut himself. "You can go on, it's fine", his doe-like blue eyes seeped cherishment.

"Oh, I not know, talking about ex was not in my plans when being alone with a girl I like" he made her blush, "I just thinking that, you know, I'm almost... mikä on sana" he struggled again with the language "Thirty year old?" he doubted if he had said it right, and the girl nodded to indicate him he had, "Thirty year old, and when younger I thought Oh, I achieve my dreams at thirty, have the family, all that... You know? And... nothing of that" he described, "My songs, some say that. But you not understand, so..." he added jokingly to lighten the mood, erupting laughter from her.

"Hey, I'm trying really hard to find a place where I can learn Finnish! Give me a break..." she defended herself, while the giggling from both of them died down. "But, just so you know, most of us feel this way too. Having your life figured out at thirty? That only happens to the lucky ones, I can assure you" she saw his tired expression and put a hand to his shoulder, "And by the way, you're crazy talented. We were all mesmerized by your performance. You can get to whatever place you want to be, and if you don't, well... It won't be because of your fault".

They were once again looking in each other's eyes. His gaze travelled down to her mouth. They were sitting close to one another as to avoid the cold wind. Her heart beat faster. How come did she feel like he had known him for such a long time if this was practically their first ever proper conversation? Yet she couldn't fight it. She had seen so many sides of him in such a short amount of time; she swore she'd never been that much of a romantic but the alcohol, mixed with how vulnerable they both felt in that moment and the fact that she was finally feeling at ease after more than a month of such a big change in her life, probably did the trick.

"Can- can I...?" he started nervously, but was interrupted.

"Yes"

Their lips crashed, finally killing the anticipation. Her hands cupped his face and his ones settled on her waist. She felt his long eyelashes touch her face, his beard tickled her jaw and his hoop piercing was cold on her nose. (Y/N) enjoyed feeling all these parts of Jere on her. He truly was so pretty. And suddenly, she wanted to make sure he knew just how pretty he was and how much he deserved to know it. The wave of boldness she had had to ask him to sit down with her those two weeks ago, but had been interrupted, came back as a stronger force.

When they separated to catch their breath, (Y/N) kept his face close to hers. He was panting through a timid smile and hot red burned his cheeks. She noticed her face doing the same thing.

"My apartment is a five minute walk from here" she suggested.

"Meidän on hyödynnettävä sitä" he whispered, hands going up and down her sides, and the Finnish language had never sounded so seductive to her.

"I didn't catch that",

"You don't need to. I will show you".

#kaarija #jere poyhonen #eurovison 2023 #eurovision #esc23 #bojan cvjeticanin #kaarija x reader #käärijä x reader #jere x reader #jere pöyhönen #cha cha cha #finland was fucking robbed #finland is my winner #finland esc #justice for finland #käärijä #joker out

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black-arcana · 3 days

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BATTLE BEAST's NOORA LOUHIMO Shares Message In Support Of Pride Month

BATTLE BEAST's Noora Louhimo has shared a message in support of LGBTQ+ Pride Month. Taking place in June, Pride Month is a time when the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community, their supporters, and allies come together to celebrate love, diversity, acceptance, and unashamed self-pride.

On Saturday (June 1),Noora took to her Instagram to write: "WONDERFUL PRIDE month for LBTGQ+ communities and everyone who agrees for equal love, self and sexuality. I hope that one day we could live in a world where equality would be the norm in all communities.

"As a woman, I unfortunately still face unequal treatment and a certain kind of sexism seems to be built into people's core behavior (which comes from home education) and some don't even realize they are sexist. Also women towards other women and themselves. For example, it is really sad to see/hear women criticizing other women and their sexual expression or showy appearance/dressing. EVERYONE'S OWN LOOK has been the only way for women to express themselves and their own values since time immemorial. The cloak of shame was not invented by women. But unfortunately, instead of encouraging self-expression, we bark and be mean. What one says about another comes from how you see yourself and your own fear.

"Let's take off those cloaks of shame and burn them at the stake. Let's be on each other's side. Let's be on the side of those who need it. Let's jump into other people's shoes and understand that equal treatment is not an everyday life for everyone, but a struggle for it every day.

"The fact that I dress the way I want, demand respectful and equal treatment, am strong-willed, ambitious and determined, speak up for others and myself does not make me a 'bitch'. Crying, talking about my feelings/thoughts and being emotional to everyone doesn't make me weak. It makes me strong and happy when I am openly myself. At the same time, I want to encourage and support others to do the same.

"THIS IS WHY I HAVE THE BATTLE VITCH HORNS OF COURAGE. And I will always continue to fight for equality. In this world, evil is putting oneself above others, narrow realities and being greedy.

"I hope that I can have at least a little influence on how people treat each other with my own example.

"LOVE AND PEACE AND PRIDE

"#pride #equality #humanity #goodvalues #selfesteem #thecloakofshame #proudtobeme #proudofyou"

Louhimo revealed in November that she had been diagnosed with a ruptured left carotid artery, causing the postponement the band's tour. The 35-year-old Finnish musician has since said in an interview that she has "definitely started doing more warm-up before any singing and warming down and taking care of my overall health even more than before." She added: "I really appreciate life more now. I'm thankful for each and every day and every moment that I get to live, I get to love, I get to see. I get to see people. I get to be with my loved ones and with my animals here at home. And now I get to tour in the places that I've always dreamed of. And it's not something that you should take [for] granted."

When Louhimo first revealed her diagnosis seven months ago, she wrote on her social media: "I went to be examined because of a weird pain in the left side of my neck, throat, ear and chin. At ultrasound examination the doctor found the rupture that had already started healing, and he saved my life. I was hospitalized for more exams and finally got confirmation of the situation. I was ordered to have a break on everything that might stress or increase my blood pressure for the next month. Otherwise, I could have a stroke. As you know how passionate I am as a singer and performer, the blood pressure getting high is a guarantee. So, I did not want to take the risk to die with my boots on, not quite yet".

Louhimo joined BATTLE BEAST in 2012 with no previous experience as a metal vocalist but quickly acclimated herself as the replacement for Nitte Valo (a.k.a. Nitte Vänskä).

Less than two years ago, Noora, who in 2021 released her debut solo album, "Eternal Wheel Of Time And Space", under the NOORA LOUHIMO EXPERIENCE banner, admitted publicly that she had been struggling with eating disorders and her weight since she was "a little child" and said that she was "still trying to find a balance." She added that she had "been depressed and anxious sometimes 'without a reason'."

#noora louhimo #battle beast #pride month

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distantlaughter · 1 year

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GENERATION GASFUSS

by Oliver Kuhn for Playboy Germany, February 2002 (x)

The best racing drivers in the world and their fast sons: why the speed gene is dominantly inherited.

That was bitter for Michael Schumacher. This underage kid overtook him twice. In the final of the 2001 karting world championship in Kerpen, Schumi was still just ahead in the end. But the message from Nico Rosberg, 17, was clear. In a few years, he wants to bring the Formula 1 World Championship home to the Rosberg clan. Like his father Keke once did.

There is no other sport in which passion is passed on from father to son as consistently as in the case of racing drivers. The racing gene is inherited in a dominant way. Already world champions Damon Hill, son of Graham (world championships ‘62 and ‘68), and Jacques Villeneuve, son of Gilles (world championship runner-up ‘79), advanced to become successful drivers. And the next generation is just growing up.

Mathias Lauda, 21, races in the Spanish Formula 200. Tomas Scheckter, 22, scion of Jody, races in the American Indycar championship. Nelson Piquet, 17, tries his luck in Brazil. All just warm-up exercises. They're all speculating on one of the lucrative spots in Formula 1.

Nico sat in a race car for the first time in April 2002. Just before his final exams. The first test took place in the rain, and the engine exploded during the second. It looked bad before the race in Hockenheim. "Watch out for the gray tracks, the rain has already dried there," father Rosberg whispered in his son's ear. One hour later, Keke heard his Finnish anthem: Nico started the season with a victory.

"I inherited the crazy from my father,” says Nico. Which means something like: the Rosbergs don't like to brake, they love risk. At least the male part does. Mother Sina has so far not watched a single race out of fear for her son. "It's logical that sons do the same as their fathers," says Keke dryly.

Nico Rosberg had a lead of exactly 81 points after 20 races in the Formula BMW ADAC championship. The 17-year-old son of Formula 1 world champion Keke completed his A-levels on the side, signed thousands of autographs and claims that racing is Finnish.

Racing kids go straight from bobby cars to go-karts. As teenagers, they then buy into the junior classes. A Formula BMW car costs 45,000 euros, a season at least 200,000 euros, and a race track for testing purposes 10,000 euros a day. A minor accident in a corner not only puts a hole in the bodywork, but also in the cash. In addition to an engineer, mechanic, and truck driver, Nico also employs a computer scientist who evaluates the engine data.

Whereas in the past it was only driving talent that counted, today the quality of a media star is also decisive. Nico Rosberg looks a bit like Leonardo DiCaprio. This appeals to his main sponsor Viva and the music channel's target group: boys who want to become racing drivers and girls who adore them. "The girls are into racing drivers," Nico explored. After the race, he stands in front of the tent and signs his posters. Amused, he recounts how at one event a girl cried out in rapture, "I touched him."

Shortly before the end of the season at a race on the A1-Ring in Zeltweg. This time it goes wrong. 32 cars are driving. One is stationary. Nico is sitting in it. He got a stop & go penalty because he overtook a car despite a yellow flag (no overtaking). "It was too lame," says Nico and laughs. After all, he has an unassailable lead in the overall standings. No one can take the championship away from him.

This is the end-of-season reward: Nico is the youngest ever to test a Formula 1 car. The BMW Williams car. The first son has made it.

At the very back of the paddock, in the small tents, there are drivers who are supposedly much better than Nico. The father of one such talent is an engineer and mechanic in one. But there is not enough money for test drives. The mother grills sausages in front of the tent. The son is not particularly good-looking. The big career is not going to happen anytime soon. It's not easy not having a famous father.

#bullied into doing my job #nico rosberg #nicology #my post #a1-ring = red bull ring

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kindlyanni · 2 years

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Answering the latest asks!

It's that I was around 12-13yo when it was shown in Finland so I don't remember anything about it anymore.

It hasn't come up in the comic but I think Dylan told his mom about them dating during summer when she started to wonder what's going on with him. But he hasn't told her that he is a vampire.

I'm so happy to hear this, thank you so much!! <3

This made me really happy and honestly tear up a little bit. I can only imagine how it felt to get the haircut. Thank you for having us with you all this time and I hope you're in a good place on your journey now. <3

Thank you! I've been doing alright, hope you have too! And welcome back!

I've seen a bunch of similar comments recently, people lost Transfusions for a long while and now found it again randomly. I guess many didn't follow when it moved from SmackJeeves to it's own website. SJ was a great place to start the first webcomic (RIP) but it was a little exhausting to dance around their mature content rules (it was allowed in a way but they had taken down similar comics before. And then I was offered a new place for Transfusions where I didn't had to worry about that.

I've been loving the website Transfusions has now and the freedom it has, but of course SmackJeeves was a platform and it had a community and some readers didn't want to leave it. And sometimes life just happens and now the platform is gone.

But I've been happy to see many old readers find me Transfusions again either via my fanart or y'all sharing my art. And that's why sharing my webcomic posts is so important, not just to bring in new readers but also bringing home lost lambs, if you will uwu

It's pronounced Finnish-ly because I don't really have a reason, I thought it was a cool name back then. But I don't mind if people pronounce it differently, as long as it's not Joe or Joel or Joan or Jordan or whatever else I see it written as sometimes...

Here're Plague, Ulriikka and Otto chilling on top of Jousia.

Hope your exams went well!

I'm so glad!! Thank you Jessica! :3

Haha, this makes me very happy, thank you! :D

Lol thank you, I try!

haha that's awesome! All the pets to your furry creature!

Moikkelström! :D I'm glad you enjoy my art, welcome aboard the ship! Have a lovely weekend as well!

Hahaha you're very welcome! :D

boosty boost @sandmanbigbang! o/

#phew sorry these took me a while!#asks #transfusions talk #long post

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skandifae · 2 years

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hei hei alle sammen! ~ after a hiatus which has felt waaaay too long now that i’ve been longing to come back on language tumblr, i have decided to come back and make a fresh start and therefore i’d like to introduce myself to the language community (hi!) :]

first things first, my name is sophie [she/they], i am twenty-two years old and currently studying scandinavian and english studies at the university of cologne in germany! (a lot of people say scandinavian studies is probably one of the queerest studies out there, so well, i’m not the exception here!) i’ve decided to come back to language tumblr as i’m hoping to gather a lot of motivation, inspiration and resources from you all (i’ve really missed it, holy moly) - so, as you may have already suspected from my studies, my main focus (right now) is on studying the scandinavian languages, including literature and culture. i’ve passed my final icelandic exam one month ago (B1 level, unfortunately there is no higher level university course offered, otherwise i’d continue) and will now be focusing on improving my norwegian (currently at B1 level) because i’m aiming to go to to norway (hopefully to bergen!) with erasmus in august 2023 :]

before i have switched to scandinavian studies, i have also studied japanology for some time - why, you may ask, it’s quite a long story of (un)fortunate events - so i’m also quite fond of asian culture and languages. my japanese might admittedly be a little, let’s say ~ rusty ~, but hopefully i’ll jump back on track as soon as possible so i can finally write the JLPT test (N3 level, i suppose).

to summarize it all, my main target languages at the moment are norwegian, icelandic, danish and japanese, but there are quite a few other languages on my wishlist, which i’m very interested in, such as mandarin, finnish, polish, turkish and korean.

apart from that, i spend a lot of time travelling around whenever it’s possible, i love going to concerts and festivals and jump around in moshpits, i love the colour sage green (as you might have suspected already) and the season of autumn (it’s approaching, yay!), i enjoy reading a lot and love me a huge cup of hot tea :]

i’m looking forward to exchanging with you all, have a pleasant evening/morning/night - whatever the time might be at the place you’re currently at :]

all the best, sophie x

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thoughtfullyrainynightmare · 1 year

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Hello this is the exam anon

First of all I'd like to thankyou so much for your advice

It really helps lessen the suffocating anxiety to rant to someone and I really appreciate the things you said. I hope uni life is treating you well❤️

Just curious but is Finland a good place for international students to study at undergrad level?

Hiya love~!

You're very welcome ^^

Yes, I think that a lot of people would benefit from just having, even if only one person, with whom the could really talk to and get those thoughts and concerns out. Talking with people helps. And I'm glad that you found comfort and help from what I said 🥰 They're things that I have learned and had to realize in the course of my academic career/journey, and they really helped me too

Uni is treating as uni does 😅 I have a couple of more difficult exams coming up in the start of the week, but I haven't got around to stressing about them XD

I think that Finland is a, at least relatively, good place to study. English is widely used so you'd be able to get around with it, and not necessarily need to learn Finnish. Education is free, though I'm not sure about international programmes or how does it work for international students, but generally speaking education is made affordable from what I know. There's large student communities and larger student cities have a lot of events happening weekly. There's no "campus life" per se, but there's student life in the city.

Usually the undergrad programmes Finns study are studied in the Universities of Applied Sciences, and having started there, I would say that it's pretty good. Communication could flow better at times, but I think it's like that in a lot of places. I haven't heard complaints really, but I'm also currently an international student myself studying abroad, for personal reasons, so I'm unable to just catch up with an international student studying in Finland ^^'

#anon flamelets

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mcrmadness · 2 years

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hmm, when did you start learning german? ^^

Roughly around 2009/2010, I think! I started learning it first on my own, I found an English website talking about the grammar and I copied everything into notebooks, translating the English sentences into Finnish and trying to see a connection there.

Then I think it was in 2010... in Autumn when I enrolled on an actual German course. In Finland you can study upper secondary level courses in schools as a "course student" too (and free of charge) and I actually went through all 8 courses of German there. That is 3 years of studying, and at the same time I was doing the same course online because it had a different book and exercises and I was extra motivated :D I could have taken the A-level exam from German, but I felt that I was not good enough yet so I never did. Slightly regretting that now, tho :D

Anyway, I am still not fluent. Maybe around the level B1 or B2. So I am still learning, it's just difficult to find good learning sources as most free courses are for beginners only and I don't want to pay for something that I don't know if it's still challenging enough level for me. Duolingo is pretty much the only thing I use right now, altho it has its problems, mostly the use of weird English sayings I have never heard before so it's really difficult to learn your target language in your second language if you can't even understand what the second language is trying to say. I'm anyway using it mostly for the vocabulary.

Oh and yeah, there is also this one voice on Duolingo that just makes me so irrotationally angry that it makes me fant to shove my computer out of the window. It sounds like it's mocking me with every cell of its body on every letter of the words, and it's really ruining the learning experience for me :D It sounds so pissed, and I mirror people's emotions VERY easily. Even if that was just a, idk, robot voice. It still sounds so annoyed that I get annoyed too.

Thanks for the ask! ^^

#theydoctor #ask games

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momiamtired · 2 months

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i never met the dude. its fine tho i believe him i believe that he couldnt make it. he sent a voice message explaining why and it was really complicated so i just believe him yea. its sad tho. i require at least a lil bit of positive emotions rn and he was the only one who could try. my roommate left and idk when she will come back so i need to be fast ig. i noticed i explore my emotions every day more. i think i feel so bad here without a significant reason actually. i find it quite interesting that a week ago i wouldnt feel so bad here. and now i feel like my first days here. they werent that bad tho. not that i can remebmer tbh. ahhh im just so tired. my mid term is on wednsday and i finnished only one shapter. im cooked. i have a counsellor appointment today. will see what hes made of. dont have much hopes tho. its gonna be awkward ig. im also so lost in my thoughts and emotions that i cant quite tell what i feel and think ab it. i have so much to do. i need to find an apartment. this girl wrote to me today. guess she was expecting someone from vancouver lol. im sorry. our lil conversarion destroyed my day or evening ig. she is rich, studies here without cuaet visa and rents an apartment, also is doing pr rn. fuck u. fuck rich people. if i could kill all rich people but sell my sould to the devil i woulf do it. i just hate how hopeless i am. its like this new feeling. i started to expeerience it so often recently after the war started and bc of it im losing my mind. its the worst feeling i ever experienced. i cant quite identify what is that but i would its the feeling of feeling so hopeless that you dont want to wake up and see no point in anything. i also really like it when the life gives an opportunity to banish this feeling and then fucks with you and make everything so wrong and now ur just siiting like a fool with his hand empty and confussed. why? how could this happened? thats just unfair, isnt it? i cant believe this could happen to me. thats just silly. after all that i went through you want to say that the only thing ive been staying alive for is never will happen? wow thats just wow. thats just cruel. if god exists fuck you. but i guess millions of people dying rn bc of hunger could correlate to me lol. i still gonna pray tonight if i wont forget tho. thats just how my mind works. i dont believe i will leave this hell this summer but if i can i will try everything to change it. ah the exam. i guess i have to drink energy drink. and fuck up my sleep again. okay im not gonna do it srry my mark. okay i have to study really i hate u all i hate rich people i hate god for doing this to me and i hate this entire world i hate a meteorite will kill me and i wont feel sorry for my parents. well i guess ill just never know and never think of how they could feel after my death. i guess thats good

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missspringthyme · 3 months

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March 14th, 2024

I spent a lot of time with german-american today. She's studying for an exam she's retaking that she's really stressed about, and I have 3,000 words to write. It's perfect.

Unfortunately, neither of us particularly wanted to be doing the things we were doing, the weather outside was gorgeous, and we were in some silly goofy moods. At one point I sat on the floor in the puddle of sunlight that was coming in through the window and did some work there. Finnish roommate had knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to get ice cream and oh my god did I desperately want to just enjoy the sunshine with an ice cream. Or sit up on the balcony and just enjoy the weather.

Instead, I got window sunlight.

I tried to use it as a motivator to get myself to finish faster. If the proposal was done before sunset I could get an ice cream. Instead, I ended up sitting upstairs with german-american, battling the clock.

We took a break and came downstairs for dinner. This is when we decided it would be a good idea to adjust all the lights in the ceiling. This was a harder task than initially anticipated, and in the process we broke one of them. We managed to hide our crime, but knew even the slightest touch would reveal the damage we had done. Additionally, in fixing it we had made it crooked.

When the boys came home we stayed silent while they commented on the changes in light positioning. German-american pointed to the crooked one, and without a second thought third-culture Australian lept up and smacked it like he was blocking a basketball. Although this meant the light was broken once more, it also meant that the crime could be placed on his shoulder's instead of ours. The boys immediately started attempting to fix it, becoming as Engineer Like as they could. Lots of mumbling about what tools they needed while standing on wobbly perches. In the end though, they did manage to fix it. Hooray!

After dinner, we headed back upstairs to work. With third culture Australian joining us a little bit later. If I'm honest, I was not very happy he wanted to come and work with us too. He talks to himself and is generally a very noisy worker, but this is made worse when he does anything on MATLAB. The last thing I needed was more distraction, but I couldn't really tell him no.

German-american and I made a big pot of sweet ginger tea to split between the 2 of us, which was an excellent choice. We went back and forth on which mug should go to which person, with her telling me to choose because she didn't want to decide. I could tell she really wanted the pink mug though, so I told her to take that one.

As the night went on, we all started to crave some snacks. I offered to make us all some of my protein mug cakes and so we took a break to enjoy those. Tragically, this backfired and now my appetite for treats had only grown. Looking down the barrel of an all-nighter, I told the other two that I would make a snack run to Rewe before it closed. This also meant that I got to go outside for the first time all day, even if it was just at night.

I allowed every indulgence, recognizing this very same mood from this time last year: diss season. I bought popcorn, paprika chips, hummus, baby carrots, a pain au chocolat, sour cola straws (spinnenbeine), chocolate for TCA, but no fizzy drinks. I consider that last one a mark of remarkable restraint. It also makes me wonder how being back in the US while I'm writing my thesis will look like. My family has never been a snack family, and there is a general disdain towards unhealthy foods. I can already hear the teasing if I tried to buy a soda while we went grocery shopping. Although I also happily snack on lots of non junky foods, they just tend to be more expensive, so maybe if I'm not the one footing the bill it won't matter anyway.

We all shared the snacks and german-american and I worked through 3 pots of tea. Eventually, they told me goodnight, leaving me all alone with my treats and my computer screen.

At some horrible witching hour, I started to feel the panic begin to seep into me. I have done far worse in a smaller amount of time, but this was different for several reasons. (1) I am feeling the effects of burnout, it has quite literally been less than a year since I wrote my last thesis and last semester was brutal (2) I really want to impress my supervisor and my second supervisor, and this would be the first time they would actually read and assess the quality of my work. Even if this is a pass/fail assignment, it represents a much larger test in terms of their opinion of me (3) As always, the literature in this field is dense and difficult to read. It is very easy to misunderstand concepts (4) I am not sure how much I actually understand, and by writing it all out, my supervisor will be able to tell exactly what I don't understand. I began to look back on photos from this time in years past and felt a manic delight in the knowledge that for the past few years I have consistently lapsed into insanity on this week. The notable highlights include, of course, me actively in the midst of writing my bachelors thesis (and also finally having french/dutch braids click for me, hell yeah) as well as frantically attempting to pack my life up and leave before borders shut at the very start of the pandemic. March 14th, 2020 I was in a shower after a night of no sleep, eating a miniature tub of hagen das fruit ice cream, fully losing my mind.

I texted T all of that and he managed to calm me down and also make me cry a little bit. He told me to remember how proud my 14 year old self would be of me right now and he's absolutely correct. I spent a minute whispering to myself the things that I had managed to do that little Alexa would be stoked to hear about and took a deep breath (I did a bachelor's in biology and psychology in Scotland, and finished with good grades and a 1st class dissertation; I figured out how to have nice nails and do eyeliner and french braid my hair; I'm living in Germany; I'm doing a masters in Neuropsychology; I'm on track to do a PhD etc etc). T offered to read through my proposal, but I was worried I wouldn't be finished with it before he went to bed, so instead I asked that he read my methods to make sure it made sense. He said it was fine and told me to send me the rest if I finished on time. I decided to head back downstairs for a change of scenery and to avoid potentially making eye contact with an employee of the building arriving for their day of work.

I did not finish on time for T to read it, but it was good enough for me to send to my supervisor for notes at a reasonable time before falling asleep.

#t #roommates #thesis #march

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black-arcana · 1 month

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BATTLE BEAST's NOORA LOUHIMO Says Health Scare 'Was A Good Wake-Up Call': 'I Really Appreciate Life More Now'

In a new interview with Argentina's Global Legends, BATTLE BEAST's Noora Louhimo opened up about her recent health scare. The 35-year-old Finnish singer revealed in November that she had been diagnosed with a ruptured left carotid artery, causing the postponement the band's tour.

"Well, definitely it scared me a lot, and other people as well," she told Global Legends about the diagnosis and how it has affected her life (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET). "And like the doctor said, this can happen to anyone. So if you are coughing too hard… I heard this example that there was a person who was coughing too much and both of the veins got ruptured. This can happen to anyone, but because I really want to — how do you say? — avoid having this again, I have definitely started doing more warm-up before any singing and warming down and taking care of my overall health even more than before. So, actually, the accident was also kind of — it was a good wake-up call for me, because even though I was already on a good path with the lifestyle and how to eat and how to do the sports and stuff like that. But still I noticed that there were some things that I need to concentrate more into and kind of put more effort. So this was actually a really good kind of wake-up call. And also I really — how do you say? — I really appreciate life more now. I'm thankful for each and every day and every moment that I get to live, I get to love, I get to see. I get to see people. I get to be with my loved ones and with my animals here at home. And now I get to tour in the places that I've always dreamed of. And it's not something that you should take [for] granted."

When Louhimo first revealed her diagnosis five months ago, she wrote on her social media: "I went to be examined because of a weird pain in the left side of my neck, throat, ear and chin. At ultrasound examination the doctor found the rupture that had already started healing, and he saved my life. I was hospitalized for more exams and finally got confirmation of the situation. I was ordered to have a break on everything that might stress or increase my blood pressure for the next month. Otherwise, I could have a stroke. As you know how passionate I am as a singer and performer, the blood pressure getting high is a guarantee. So, I did not want to take the risk to die with my boots on, not quite yet".

Louhimo joined BATTLE BEAST in 2012 with no previous experience as a metal vocalist but quickly acclimated herself as the replacement for Nitte Valo (a.k.a. Nitte Vänskä).

In an interview with Metal Divas, Noora explained how she ended up fronting BATTLE BEAST: "[In] September [2012], I got a call from [then-BATTLE BEAST guitarist] Anton [Kabanen] that they want me to join BATTLE BEAST. I had heard their music and loved the sound and the vocals, so the next day I called Anton and said I'm in.

"Anton found me by accident on YouTube when he was searching for the new vocalist," she continued. "He had been looking for a vocalist — male or female; [it did not] matter. The only thing that mattered was can that [he or she could] sing his songs without compromises.

"I've been singing since I was four years old," Noora added. "While being a huge fan of heavy metal of '80s and a teenager, I had some classical singing lessons when I was 16 years old. Then at the age of 19, I started studying music in pop/jazz line. At the same time, I started doing some jam sessions at bars. There I found my first band (ADMIRAL OCTOPUS) in the blues bar. We used to play rock and blues music from '60s-'70s and Janis Joplin was the reason I got the rasp in my voice. After ADMIRAL OCTOPUS, in 2011, I took part in a singing competition ('Wanna Be A Rock 'N' Roll Star') at Henry's Pub of Tampere and won it with Janis Joplin's 'Piece Of My Heart'. That's how my single 'Relax' was born."

Photo credit: Terhi Ylimainen

youtube

#noora louhimo #battle beast #interview #Youtube

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theta-mage · 6 months

Text

introvert musings

some people are worried i'll experience my 2nd burnout.

i had my first burnout in high school (the finnish equivalent). in my last spring semester, i moved to the other side of the country (sounds worse than it is, in finland that meant 400 kilometers), did 80-hour work weeks, and studied for matriculation exams. no wonder i burnt out.

but now? i'm just studying—i haven't moved, and i don't have a job. i know in a university of applied sciences burnout is very much possible, especially considering my field (social services) and the state of our nation. okay, i'm also recovering from bipolar disorder and dissociative disorder and avoidant personality disorder (a few years ago i had anxiety whenever i remembered i live in an apartment building, because there are people nearby at all times) and i've only just realized i'm autistic (surprising how it took me so long to figure it out, with all the special interests i've had over the years). and i had my first covid-19 in late october.

but it's not the studying that's making me tired! i could spend 10 to 12 hours a day just studying—if it involved little human interaction. i love people, but the past weeks have been intense, considering that i'm still recovering from a lot of things.

so much social interaction! nothing negative, nothing particularly draining, i've loved everyone i've met within the past four weeks or so.

but damn. i wish i could just hide in the root cellar of my parents-in-law. not communicate with anyone. read something highly theoretical and just ponder. i borrowed sociological imagination by c. wright mills from my uas's library, i could read that…

but alas. socializing is a must. tomorrow, nothing in particular. but on thursday, i'm instructing a face yoga session with a friend. sigh.

#burnout #social services #bipolar disorder #dissociative disorder #avoidant personality disorder #autism

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winryofresembool · 3 years

Text

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 38

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: A new semester is starting

A/N: We are finally done with the holiday chapters! When it comes to this chapter, I'd like to state that I only have some experience from a couple of Finnish universities so I really don't know a whole lot about how certain things work in practice in the States, so please ignore the possible inaccuracies for the sake of this fic. It feels weird after a couple of 'bigger' chapters to have a bit more 'fillery' one... but... but... there's Caleo in the beginning?? So I hope you'll enjoy nevertheless. I wish I could spread even more love towards this ship because they deserve it but sadly there are only so few hours in a day. The fandom seems so quiet these days...

Anyway, enough rambling! Now let's get to this chapter, and the usual reminder: I love to hear what you think! All comments are much appreciated :)

Words: 2500+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

...

”Is something the matter? You look quite unhappy.”

Leo felt arms sneak around his shoulders from behind while he was sitting on the common area sofa, staring at his laptop with a frown. Some of the speaker’s reddish brown hair fell in front of his face, the smell of cinnamon drifting into his nose, and for some reason that alone was enough to relieve some of Leo’s uneasiness. The small, pale hands found their way down his biceps and stopped there, but he wasn’t going to complain. If he was honest, he was really happy about Calypso’s growing confidence when it came to the physical affection, because it told him she really trusted him. Sometimes he was still amazed that he out of all the people had managed to break the ice around her.

Before Leo let himself get too lovestruck, though, he reminded himself why he was staring at his laptop in the first place. The new semester was starting and that naturally meant new courses, new assignments, new texts to read and… new emails from his professors. One specific email had managed to twist his stomach quite badly. In it, the professor from his chemistry lab class had asked him for a meeting, and Leo assumed he wanted to discuss what had happened on the exam day. Wishing that he could just ignore that said message, he turned his attention back to his girlfriend.

“Just uni issues… nothing more severe this time,” Leo replied half jokingly. The holidays had given him some perspective on what really was important to him and failing a class didn’t feel quite as big an issue anymore. It was inconvenient, yes, on a few levels, but not entirely unfixable.

“Oh?” Calypso finally let her hands slide off of him and sat down next to him. She seemed a bit relieved that this was about the university and not something that was out of her reach, and if Leo was honest, he couldn’t blame her. “What kind of issues?”

“A professor wants to meet me face to face tomorrow. Probably to talk about my recent chemistry lab test or something like that.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

“Hmm… Isn’t it quite unusual for them to give special focus to a single student at this stage?” Calypso asked.

“Apparently they still do that in my department. Who knows, maybe they think I’ve caused them enough trouble by now and want me to quit.”

“But what happened in your lab test was not your fault. Do you think you are any closer to being able to finish it in case you get another chance?”

When Calypso was looking at him with those almost chocolate brown eyes, he felt that it wasn’t impossible.

“Some smart person once said that I need to believe in myself more, so that’s what I need to learn to do. After that… it might be possible.”

“I’m glad you’re listening to me at least sometimes.” Calypso gave him a lopsided smile. “The fact that you know what you should do means that you’re already on your way there.”

“Yeah. I guess so.” Wanting to talk about something else, Leo asked: “Well, what about you? How are you feeling about the upcoming semester?”

“I’m feeling… pretty good about it, you know? Sure, I’ve been reading our course plans and it sounds like our professors are planning to make us work like every day is an exam day and we have some group assignments and important presentations coming up, but… I really like learning? And I like listening to the conversations between our professors and my fellow students during our lectures because it’s something I never got to do when I was stuck at home… I feel like I get new points of views from them all the time. And Annabeth is a really big help; she knows everything about everything so if I ever feel like I can’t follow the lectures, she can always clarify them to me.”

“I have a hard time imagining you not being able to keep up with the professors… but yeah, it’s good you can ask for her help if needed.”

Calypso nodded.

“You know, I’m glad you two got your issues sorted out in the fall,” Leo added as an afterthought.

Calypso looked up at him with a slight frown as if she had completely forgotten about what exactly had happened in the fall. “Oh, right, that. I feel like it was just one big misunderstanding. Both of us realized that we can’t get stuck on something that happened so long ago.”

Leo couldn’t deny that he had also felt a bit jealous of Percy when he had first found out about his and Calypso’s past, but she had clearly moved on, so he wasn’t holding a grudge anymore either. Calypso had decided to date him, and that’s what mattered.

“Yeah, I know from my personal experiences that ain’t worth it,” he replied.

Calypso leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed.

“I have a… maybe a bit weird question. Do you believe in some kind of greater power? You know, like gods?”

Leo wondered why she would ask that. “I dunno. Maybe. I’m not really strongly for or against that. I think I’m the kind of person who needs to see it to believe it, but I don’t think it’s impossible. But why do you ask?”

“This will sound extremely cheesy but sometimes I wonder… if there was a reason why we two met. Like some greater power that pushed us together for some reason.”

“Wow. I don’t know if any greater powers had their fingers in that but I am glad that it happened.” Leo threw his arm around her shoulder and wondered briefly why it felt like such a natural thing to do. At one point he had been too intimidated to initiate any kind of physical contact but now that they were more open with each other and she had seen him in some of his worse moments – he didn’t mind anymore.

“Yeah. Me too.” Calypso whispered.

Only the buzzing of the fridge and some other kitchen machinery could be heard on the background while the flatmates were simply enjoying each other’s company, resting their heads against each other, but eventually Calypso suggested:

“Hey... I think I need something that will allow me to disconnect a bit, so… how about some Friends?”

Leo didn’t have anything against that suggestion. In fact, he always enjoyed the TV show or movie nights with Calypso, for various reasons. “Sure. That sounds great to me. You know I’m always ready to roast my homeboy Chandler.”

“I know you are.” Calypso nudged him and took the remote control to find the right episode. As they started watching and commenting on it (he always enjoyed how snarky Calypso’s comments could be), Leo almost forgot about the upcoming meeting with the professor.

…

The next day, Leo found himself in the building where the office of his lab professor was located. At the breakfast table he had practiced the meeting with Calypso, and Jason had also joined him a bit later to wish him luck. To Leo’s relief, he did seem a lot happier than when he had seen him before the holiday break, but he still didn’t talk a whole lot about his current situation. Leo himself decided that it was better if he didn’t guide his friends too much so instead he did a quick recap on the recent developments in his own life – without mentioning his new relationship status. Luckily Jason didn’t ask, as he seemed to be more worried about Leo’s upcoming meeting.

As he was waiting for the professor to arrive, Leo kept glancing at his clock nervously. The man was already a few minutes late. While Leo knew that wasn’t anything unusual in the university world, as the professors tended to be busy, he still kept wishing he could get the meeting over with as soon as possible. His leg started bouncing again on its own and his fingers were tapping against the wooden handle of the chair. Suddenly he didn’t feel quite as sure about what he was going to tell the professor as he had felt earlier.

Finally, he was pulled from his thoughts by a loud ‘ahem’.

“Mr. Valdez? Sorry I’m late, my meeting with a couple of coworkers got a bit long,” the professor said.

“That’s… that’s fine,” Leo stuttered. Some months ago he would probably have said something snarky as a response but right now he knew better than to take any risks.

“Go in, go in, so we can have a talk,” the professor encouraged. Unwillingly, Leo followed him into his office and had to be told to sit down before he even realized that there was a comfortable looking arm chair right next to him.

“So…” the professor started once he was seated behind his desk. “You probably know why I invited you here.”

“I… I do have an idea…” Leo said hesitantly, looking everywhere in the room except the professor. The man had a lot of engineering related books in his bookshelf, a big stack of papers - probably students’ assignments - and a fancy looking calculator on his desk. Behind him on the wall there was a single photograph of his family. Pretty much exactly how Leo had imagined the said professor’s room looking.

“I will be direct with you. Your achievements in the lab classes - or lack thereof - is a cause of confusion for us. In almost all of the theory related classes, you are on the top of the class – despite the occasional reports that your behavior towards the lecturers could use some improvement.” The man raised his eyebrow, but Leo thought he could see a glint of amusement in his eyes. That didn’t last long, though. “However, until now we have been willing to overlook that because of your talents. Maths, physics, chemistry… those things you clearly don’t have any issues with. But already for the second year you have been avoiding the lab classes for which you have been signed up and last fall you even left the chemistry lab test before you managed to get it completed. I’m sure you are aware that if you want to move onto the more advanced classes, you need to complete the mandatory ones before you are allowed to do that.”

“Yes, sir, I’m aware of that,” Leo replied stiffly, wondering briefly when was the last time he had called anyone sir, other than ironically.

“In that case…” His voice turned less formal, more fatherly as he continued, which surprised Leo. The professors he was used to dealing with were usually not all too nice to him, although he was willing to admit that some of it was probably deserved. “Can I ask you, is there a specific reason why you haven’t attended the lab classes?”

Leo wondered if he should come up with a quick lie. It wouldn’t be the first time in his life that he would have to do that in order to protect himself. However, the professor really seemed sincere and concerned about him and in a way his expression reminded him of Jo’s when she was expecting him to open up. Perhaps that’s why he ended up deciding to answer honestly:

“Yes. There is.”

“And? What is the reason?” The professor raised his eyebrow.

Leo inhaled deeply before forming his response. “I’m afraid of fire. Yeah, laugh ahead, but it’s true. I can’t deal with anything that requires heating because of some nasty as hell childhood trauma.”

To his surprise, the professor didn’t get angry at him for talking to him in such a manner. Instead, he furrowed his eyebrows.

“And you’re still planning to make mechanical engineering your career? Despite your fear?”

Leo nodded slowly. “Yeah. Building and fixing inanimate objects is the only thing I’ve ever known how to do. I was basically born with a hammer and a wrench in my hands and I was capable of building toys for myself when I was like four. After an accident…” He refrained from mentioning his mother because he couldn’t guarantee he would be able to stay calm if he brought that up. “… I haven’t been able to light up a match or anything like that. But almost five years ago, two awesome women adopted me and one of them is a mechanic. She reminded me what I really love about tinkering and it was then that I decided that I wanna keep trying. It’s a process but I am working on it.”

The professor smiled a little. “You know… a lot of our students were unable to take the chemistry lab course in the fall, so we decided to organize another course now in the spring. As it happens, there’s still some room for new people in it. So, if you’re interested, you’re welcome. But remember, you would need to attend all the mandatory classes and complete the tasks that you are assigned, no exceptions. That means we will not be going easy on you just because of your fear.”

Leo’s eyes widened with surprise. He hadn’t expected to get a chance like that.

“Woah, thanks sir! I won’t let you down!”

“That’s good to hear,” the professor nodded approvingly. “Can I ask you a question, though? Why do you want to become a mechanical engineer? I mean, what exactly is it that fascinates you about it, other than the influences you have gotten at your home?”

Leo imagined that the professor could probably see the bolts and nuts moving in his brain as he formed his answer. “I… I wanna learn to develop products that will help us make the world a safer, more sustainable place for us. We engineers, if anyone, can develop technology that will help us achieve that goal. But that’s not all. I also wanna learn more so I can help to share the information forward. I wanna show kids who come from similar backgrounds as I that they should keep on dreaming. There was a time when my mom ate porridge - only porridge - for her meals so she could pay the rent when her business was slow, but she still kept doing it. Because that’s how much she cared about her job. And I want to continue in her footsteps.”

The professor shifted on his seat. “That is an admirable goal, Mr. Valdez. I hope you will succeed. Remember, you do have the skill – you just need to know how to use it.”

“Yeah… Thanks professor.”

“No problem. Don’t forget the class enrollments end tonight so you need to be fast if you want to participate. That’s all for now. Good luck in your future endeavors.”

“Thanks. I’ll go enroll myself then. Bye for now.”

“See you, Mr. Valdez.”

Leo breathed a long sigh of relief the moment he stepped out of the professor’s office. The meeting had gone way better than he had dared to expect. He hadn’t thought he would get another chance so fast, but was grateful for the opportunity. Now, he would only need to kick his fears into the deepest pits of Tartarus, as Calypso would say.

#caleo #leo valdez #calypso #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #trials of apollo #my fics #caleo uni au

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