#also i think the exception to the stan dress code is
Note
i’m gay i’m mentally i’ll i’m hungover and i’m new in town this is gonna be such a chaotic ask
i’m on floss’s intro episode but really i’m more invested in the fact that faith and elektra really should’ve been a couple. dammit cbbc
i swear literally half these kids have queer energy?? i mean. liam and frank?? elektra and faith??? tyler? lily? and we’ve talked about johnny. they’re all just so wonderfully varying degrees of queer-coded and we just get more of them in later seasons too-
hey why do both tyler and ryan have episodes where one of the other boys gets a job at a cafe, so they go to the cafe, cause chaos and end up banned. that is an oddly specific similarity
once again thinking about how similar rick and ryan are, and specifically about how it makes so much sense that tyler and ryan were close, since tyler and rick knew each other since burnywood
‘a day in the past’ time!!! the best of the group trip episodes, except maybe that one beach one from like s4
oh my god floss is so tiny in her cute lil green dress???? also i get the feeling the events of this episode had,, an impact on her worldview
we stan feminist rachel in this household, she is an absolute icon??? she deserved better than being stuck working at that house
ahhh another episode of johnny being a dick and also wildly repressed- this kid needs therapy and it honestly kinda pisses me off that they took this gay-coded character with a ton of self-loathing and issues with anger and authority…. and had him join the army.
harry is just vibing wearing a straw hat and honestly? valid
i love how george is trying to correct mike on how to manage children,, he really should’ve seen the problems coming
you know… ryan and johnny really did have a lot in common huh. queer-coded boys who are regularly the villain of the episode, are manipulative and have anger issues, have younger sisters who they’re protective of but also controlling of, and ended up leaving by joining a government service, just after their shitty parent came back into their life-
mo! he was such a wasted character huh. he only got like. 3 episodes that actually explored his past at all, and he was around for like 4 seasons?
johnny calling tee “patron saint of lost causes” as if he isn’t the most annoying bitch at the dg at that point. like i love johnny but. come on
i feel like you could make a really difficult “who said this” quiz with just quotes from johnny and ryan
i’m gonna end this ask but uh. yeah no not gonna be the last ask of the day i’m so sorry
oh god, what a combination. let's go!
Floss' intro episode is a really good one for Faith and Elektra. if cbbc weren't capital 'c' cowards, they would have given them to us.
you're not even wrong, practically all of the kids have queer energy. there's so much potential in all of them!!
that... that IS a specific parallel. huh. very interesting. not that it really has anything to do with it, but it's fun that the parallel is between Tyler and Ryan, two characters who end up with a pretty close dynamic.
oh okay, you led on into that yourself! (you can tell I don't read ahead, I just reply paragraph by paragraph) it does make a lot of sense that Tyler and Ryan were so close when thinking about how similar Ryan and Rick can be at times. I really like the idea of Tyler just being drawn to Ryan initally because of that without really knowing why.
'a day in the past' is truly an iconic episode!
tiny Floss!! honestly, you're probably right.
I will forever adore Rachel, I imagine she probably quit after that day and moved on to a similar job but with a boss who was all for educating about feminism and women's rights and how the treatment that women (and servants in general) was unfair, and made sure that while the kids were playing the parts with some accuracy, that they were learning what was right and wrong at the same time.
whenever I think about Johnny joining the army, I just want to scream. he needed help, not a gun and a ton of more trauma. the kid lashed out at the smallest loss of control due to childhood abuse and they thought the best way to help him through that was... war? it doesn't make any sense. I like to live in an au where Johnny is talked out of joining by everyone. they get him a therapist to talk to instead, telling him that if, after a few sessions, he still thinks the army is what he wants, then they won't stop him. but as the therapist gets him to open up, he begins to see that the army isn't for him; he just wanted to feel in control of something, like he was actively fighting against something, stepping back into the role of protector because he wasn't sure he was good for anything if he wasn't doing that. he's just finished school so he enrolls at college instead, gets in and moves on-campus, where he takes an interest in business and social work for children. maybe he even meets a guy in his classes and they hit it off and he finally understands a part of himself that has been weighing on him for years. give me queer, happy Johnny who does not join the army but has a nice, peaceful life! he realizes he can protect kids like him and Tee, giving him that feeling he so craved, and making a difference to other care kids.
harry was precious with that straw hat. (I loved my one trip to a victorian school, dressing up in the outfits. I only despised the cane.)
yeah, that was a pretty telling sign. just because the guy has seen a few groups of school days for a couple hours a day, does not mean he actually knows the first thing about them. and he simply refused to listen to mike trying to explain that they all live together so they had to be more sensitive and make sure there was no upset, because they wouldn't be able to just go home and forget about it by the next day.
yes!! the Ryan and Johnny parallels are just wonderful. hmm. a gifset may be required for visual proof of this. I will work on this.
Mo was SUCH a wasted character, you're right. just as we're talking about queer-coded characters as well. Mo had some of the biggest queer energy around, specifically around Bailey. but yeah, it bothers me how little they did with him considering everything they had to work with? when he's up in the attic with Tee in his first episode, he says that he and his 'parents' lived in a shed. not only that, but he also said that his 'mum' didn't like him very much, and we saw he reacted with fear to the idea of Mike 'hosing him down' AND he put himself in the corner when he thought he had done something wrong. a lot of this feels implies at least some form of neglect at worse and active abuse at worst. but this was of course never mentioned again. all we got after was the revelation that his 'parents' were actually his grandparents who STOLE HIM from his parents because his grandad thought they were unable to look after him due to their cerebral palsy and from them leaving him alone in the house with the door open at the age of 18 months. there's just a lot to work with and yet? we get like three episodes focused on him then he's gone.
it's funny, Johnny calling Tee 'patron saint of lost causes' like he isn't the exact reason that she is that way. she's always protected him and stuck up for him when everyone else has deemed him unredeemable for the things he's done or said. he is the biggest 'lost cause' in her life and while she's gotten mad at him and tried to 'disown' him a couple of times, she's still been there for him in the end.
don't tempt me, I will absolutely make that quiz.
skdfhsk it's okay!! sorry I couldn't get to this ask (or the rest) sooner, but I'm happy to have so much to reply to now!
#ds-umbrella-manufacturing-co#ask away earthlings!#tdg#the dumping ground#floss guppy#elektra x faith#johnny taylor#ryan reeves#tyler lewis#rick barber#tyler x ryan#mo michaels
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Barbie Movies That Are More Relevant Than You Think
1. Barbie’s Princess and the Pauper
> The Big Thing: Shows a realistic representation of 1st world problems and 3rd world Problems coexisting. Annalise is a princess in an arranged marraige and Erika is an indentured servent, both looking to esacpe, but are determined to overcome these issues. They acknowledge that they have differerent problems but are both struggling in their own right. It’s important to know that they don’t wish they were someone else, they just wish they could escape their personal struggles.
> Women supporting women!
> Female Leads that are friends and aren’t catty towards each other
> Annalise and Erika talk about things other than boys, althrough an arranged marraige is a plot point and all boy talk is really about that particular plot point.
> “Duty is doing the things your heart may well regret” is the most badass line in exsitance, okay?
> The Princess loved science.
2. Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princessess
> The Big Thing: This story is about extremism and the dangers of a binary system. In this case, it’s Law vs Chaos, and unregulated freedom of expression vs overregulated conformity. The 12 are unruly and chaotic and uncaring about their royal status which causes strain on the kingdom and they are super unprepared for royal life. The antagonist comes in, strips the color and the fun and is all rules and control and is trying to teach them how to be “proper ladies” which is also done in an extreme. Neither of these are right, and in the end the girls use their unique interests to save their father, and they acknowledge they should behave better and be prepared for royal life. They essentially find their middle way.
> Realistic siblings. No one calls the other “sister”
> Lacy, the frail sister, is never treated poorly by her sisters despite the fact she causes a few issues in the plot. Super supportive sisters.
> LI isn’t a prince. He’s a shoemaker.
> There’s an assassination attempt in this one! It technically succeeds. Really good show on adult topics in a children’s movie.
> Power and Corruption are thematic here with the villain.
3. Barbie’s Mariposa
> The Big Thing: This one is about destorying an entire society for personal gain and power. If you’re American, you’d understand why THIS is super relevant. The queen is bring poisoned and is the life source for all the lights, and those lights are what protect faeries from the monsters in the dark. The Big Bad Guy plans to take the throne with these monsters as her minions, promising them they can eat faeries. She will destory this land to gain the throne, and she doesn’t care who dies along the way.
> Has a Cinderella vibe to it. Good rendition
> Two First World Entittled rich faries are humbled through the journey, and learn to be king and selfless despite starting with selfish intentions. GROWTH.
> Skeezite is a funny word.
> ACCENTS. I think they’re all Spanish, but can’t confirm. The only Barbie movie that didn’t do British Accents, I’m pretty sure. Vocal Diversity is 10/10
4. Barbie Fairytopia Series
> The Big Thing: DISABILITY IN A FANTASY WORLD DONE WELL. Like holy shit the plot is the Big Bad is commiting bio-terrorism by poisoning the air that affects all faeries except for Elina because she was born without wings. DISABILITY BECOMING THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SAVE YOU. YES. She does get wings at the end, but I always saw it as a prostetic because if she lost her necklace she lost her wings. And in a later movie she has to trade them away to save someone.
> Bibble is valid
> This series does the “girl who doesn’t fit in” trope well because Elina is constantly seen as the girl who doesn’t fit in. In the first movie she’s the girl without wings, in the second she’s the faerie, not a mermaid (Nori gets mean towards her because the mermaid prince wanted a fairy to save him or someting like that), and in the last one, I’m pretty sure she’s sort of regarded as the charity case. I can’t remember exactly, so don’t quote me. Either way, Elina is the most relateable Barbie character for people who struggle fitting in wherever they go because Elina never fits in at first (but it’s a barbie movie, so you know, acceptance and stuff)
> This marks the third movie on this list with an assassination attempt for power. Power #Corrupts
> Good overcoming narrative. Elina survives all her trials towards being accepted in society.
5. Barbie as the Island Princess
> The Big Thing: This one is tricky because Barbie is a white character, and that is a valid critique for this one. However, the topic is handled well despite this fault due to the movie’s context. This one is about a status quo society and their treatment towards a different “Cultural” upbringing. Ro grew up on an island alone outside of society and talks to animals. She has an entire different set of values and beliefs. Her curiosity sets her off into a populated civilzation and a big part of the movie is the Prince Character making genuine efforts to help her adapt and make her comfortable for what she is used to, and the rest of the society relegating her to a barbarian. She struggles trying to fit in to a society that wants her to adapt to their society, but refuses to make any adaptions to hers. Her not being from there is eventually what saves the day, which is a healthy message that differnet people learn the world differnetly, and these cultures can meet and interact and help each other without forcing one to obliterate itself. Ro doesn’t stay in that society. She goes off sailing with the prince character, a happy medium from her island roots and desire to be around other people.
> ANOTHER assassination attempt.
> Big Bad has a daughter she’s trying to marry to the Prince, but the daughter doesn’t love him and is happy that he finds love. she and Ro are friends. 10/10 Women supporting women.
> Ro’s cultural roots are celebrated a lot. It’s nice!
> Prince never puts Ro in a corner to change, from what I remember. He guides her through what she’s willing to do, and helps accomidate her with that makes her uncomfortable (sleeps in the greenhouse,for example). 10/10 m8
6. Barbie and the Diamond Castle
> The Big Thing: The catalyst of this movie is Liana and Alexa’s lively hood being destoryed by a storm, and now homeless and jobless, they end up questing with a magic mirror to save Melody and the other trapped Muses. Alexa is hesitant and even gives up to stay in a Lotus Casino type place because there’s food and shelter there. There’s a heavy value on having enough to eat, and having a place to live. Displacement and poverty, I guess is the right word for this.
> Okay so I heard around that Alexa and Liana are queer coded based on their dress colors in the final scene matching the Lesbian and Bisexual Flag and I stan that because honestly, Barbie need some gay.
> The Will Sing For Food scene hits differently than any other scene in Barbie Movies. It’s just such a real thing.
7. Barbie and the Three Musketeers
> The Big Thing: Sexsim. This one is very on the nose of “women can’t do this.” and then Barbie adn Co proves them wrong!!
> I am pretty sure there are SEVERAL assasination attempts in this one.
> “Release the Fireworks!!” is carved into my mind.
> The Master Trainer is an old lady maid. Cool trope subversion.
Honestly, people who cry about adult themes in their kids movies need to watch these movies. Did you notice how many ASSASSINATIONS happen in these movies? SO MUCH ASSASSINATION.
These movies are deeper and more complex than given credit for. I can admit that Barbie’s early movies didn’t do great with racial representation, but we can also praise them for accomplishing their aim of empowering young girls as much as they did.
I can’t say much for mordern Barbie since that’s not my era. Perhaps someone else can comment about that better than I can.
TL;DR: Barbie movies deal with adult themes in a child friendly setting and they are well done and you should go watch them and see how much deeper and complex these movies can be.
A Barbie Movie I DO NOT STAN: Princess and the Pop Star. That movie is “Two whiny girls hate their privlaged life and wish they were someone else’s privlaged life and I guess help the poor” It’s not good. You can enjoy the bops it produced, but that movie is INSANELY Problomatic.
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Ep 5 of BoB tiiiime <3
Episode 5: Crossroads, but I’m renaming it “Holy crap is this a whooper of an ep, guys. So much haaaappeeeeens. Also, I freaked out cos I thought it was Bastogne but now I’m like oh phew. That’s for Future!Laura to freak out about”.
Ready? Let’s go!
01:15 Johnny ‘unimpressed’ Martin pulling one of his patented bitch-faces in the credits, we stan.
02:31 OHHHHH IT’S IRL DICK! We love you!!!
03:45 God I love the technique they use with the shaking, ground-level camera whenever Dick is running. It’s so realistic. And how he’s gasping for breath. Not like in movies when people just seem to run forever so easily. This whole scene, the pacing and the setting, you don’t know what’s happened or what’s happening currently, all you know is he’s running and alone and breathless and it’s all so frantic and my heart just cannot take it with this fucking show you guys!
04:04 Oh God. The kid. He sorta smiles? He doesn’t get it at first. I can’t.
04:10 SCHOONDERLOGT??!! THIS PLACE IS CALLED SCHOONDERLOGT? I LOVE IT!!!
04:34 Wake up from your post-coital nap, Nix!
04:42 Genuinely thought Dick was slapping his butt LMAO
04:46 HOE DON’T DO IT
04:55 I love how Dick is horrified for exactly a split second and then he’s just like LOL. Real talk, when does he laugh around anyone but Nix? He smiles around others but not the same as when he’s with Nix, and he sure as heck doesn’t laugh. Except for maybe with Harry. But Harry’s Harry, it’s a given.
05:15 Nix has forgiven him quickly, it seems. Probably because Dick let him sit in the front seat.
05:22 They’re so married.
06:13 Don’t flirt with Dick’s husband, Hot Brit.
06:23 He just did it again, after I specifically told him not to! You’re on thin ice now, Hot Brit.
06:47 Dick hasn’t been doing his homework.
06:54 No Dick, Nix is busy with his new hot friend, go do your homework.
07:07 What happens if you make a mistake on a typewriter? Can’t backspace lol. Imagine all that typing, getting to like the last character and fucking it up.
07:26 DOGGIE!
08:00 OK I’m sorry which guy was it that just burst in screaming “PENETRATION!” I need to marry them even though I’m already married, and I don’t think it was Rich. Whoever it was, I want to shake their hand, at least.
08:17 No. Do not blame Lieb for anything, ever.
08:29 Roe in action <3
08:39 “Hey Alley.” “Heyyy.” I love them. My babies <3
08:53 The boys want revenge.
09:33 Lol @ Tab, “They’re not as smart as me and you?”
10:23 ISTG I need a translation or subtitles for the hand-signals. I would hard out be chillin at the back yelling “WTF MAN. DICK! HEY DICK! I. DO. NOT. UNDERSTAND. YOU.” And then we’d all die cos they’d hear.
10:26 RICH! IT’S RICH YOU GUYS!!!
11:22 RICH <3
12:14 LMAO Lieb is so excited.
12:33 Dick is so fucking smart, making sure everyone has a target to eliminate so they’re not outnumbered for long and the most immediate threats are taken care of <3
12:38 RICH <3 It’s so cool to see him doing his mortar thing, not just comic relief or providing me with dopamine by simply existing.
14:29 The gunshots and then crossing to the typewriter keys ugh this shooooooow
15:40 Enter?? LMFAO Who says that!! Oh look, Nix has come to apologize for encouraging the flirtatious Hot Brit. He missed you <3
15:52 Dick is in love with Nix. And Nix is in love with Dick. Husbands <3
16:15 This entire exchange is the most A+ flirting. I love how Dick just plants the thought and leaves it to Nix. He doesn’t push. He accepts Nix as he is and <3’s him
16:59 LOL @ Nix “That’s not literature… say ‘we’ a lot,” so supportive and helpful.
17:35 Nervous boys
17:41 Johnny ‘unimpressed’ Martin is starting to bitch-face, watch out…
17:52 Oh no.
18:12 Lol @ Lieb, you can see he’s yelling
18:35 Dick looks so BAMF
19:11 Hoob, it’s not a competition!
20:00 Web <3
20:08 Johnny, chill!
20:48 Oh Web. “Jesus Christ, they got me!” Rivalling Buck for being dramatic af, baby
21:24 Aw Dick
21:36 Lieb find some chill for once in your life. Are you upset Web got hurt?
21:42 Do not speak to your father that way!
21:59 You’re in time-out, young man!
22:17 Ross McCall is freaking hot omg. LMAO @ Lieb though, his Dad is not happy and now he’s grounded.
22:30 No, Web, no one believes much of what you say tbh, sweetie. Still <3 you though.
24:01 You can tell it’s Nix by the way he walks and his shoulders <3333
24:16 Nix doesn’t know who that is aw
24:34 Aw Nix trying to be comforting and supportive the way Dick was to him earlier. But his husband is too moody.
25:53 I love that Sink asks it that way, “How would you feel?” Rather than surprise bitch you’re doing it. I mean you don’t say no to that kinda thing but still. Sink = <3 He’s such a babe
26:16 RICH! EVERYONE STOP, NOTHING ELSE WILL EVER MATTER IT’S RICH. I was starting to miss him in case you couldn’t tell. Lol wtf is he doing to Penk’s ear, and why with a spoon??!!
26:26 Aw Dick. He wants to know his sons will be well looked after by their new stepdad.
26:35 ROE <3
26:47 Nix couldn’t stay away long
27:05 NIX! No!
27:14 LMAO bacon sandwich. Loves how Dick gives the report to Nix, not his orderly.
27:26 He missed you obvs
28:13 Moose, you look after his sons!
28:29 Aw Dick can’t let go <3
28:38 Nix’s resigned little sigh and shoulder slump aha
28:54 Bull! Missed you! As identifiable as ever by the cigar… but is now the best time to be smoking it??
29:31 Their code is Leicester Square! So cute!
29:46 Lieb is so eager for blood-shed
30:40 Aw they gave Moose a beret!
30:39 Dick is jealous he doesn’t get a beret! But he’s so happy his sons are safe.
31:17 I always scream.
31:50 Roe <3 “Mo’phine.”
32:11 “You oughtta. You are officers, you are grown-ups! You oughtta know!” ICONIC. My heart. His faaaaace. Shane Taylor <3333
32:19 The bloody handprint omg
32:46 The boss jacket returns <3
33:11 Nix is so proud.
33:41 We missed you Bill <3
33:48 Dad’s a busy man now Bill.
34:25 “I don’t wanna see another piece of paper!” Dick is always such a mood. Never change, Dick <3
34:20 Whatcha doing, Nix? About to propose? God I wish. You know Dick would say yes.
34:35 Don’t interrupt the proposal, Harry!
34:42 Dick and I are just both going to pretend we didn’t hear that, Nix. Canon not accepted.
34:59 Dick would rather be with you tbh
35:30 So they all just sit around in parade dress? Wait is that parade dress? It is, isn’t it? Someone @ me?
35:34 Rude
36:05 Dick. Don’t stare at the child, Dick.
36:52 Dick. Stop. Seriously.
38:05 Can’t tell if that’s cute or weird tbh
38:31 He’s moping cos he misses Nix
39:03 Unf
39:30 Joe/Charlie <3 Missed you
39:38 I don’t know what I love more, Luz being such a troll or Rich. Hang on, what am I saying. Rich.
39:44 RICCCHHHH
39:48 Iconic. ILY Rich
40:00 Easy Mum and Joe/Charlie are so mad lmao. The just wanna watch the movie, shut up kids.
40:17 Dad’s back, Buck, it’s OK now.
40:42 Oh Buck </3
40:57 Joe/Charlie is about to shank you, Luz, stop.
41:02 Iconic.
41:19 Who dis bitch?
41:23 All I see is Rich.
41:34 Rich! Dramatic af
42:02 Oh Buck </3
42:42 Dad’s not happy
43:09 Dad’s. Not. Happy.
43:54 Babe looking cute <3
44:09 Rich <33333333
44:40 Stop hazing the new kid, guys!
45:14 Rich LMAO “We can’t be in Hell, it’s too damn cold!” We <3 you
46:11 Strayer’s a bit useless, let’s be honest
46:31 Babe <3
47:50 LMAO JIMMY FALLON
48:00 Joe/Charlie just wants all the ammo
48:22 RICH
48:38 “We’re paratroopers, lieutenant, we’re supposed to be surrounded.” Dick you are an icon.
49:31 ITS RICH
49:54 Love that, Dick walking in the space between the rows of his men <3
50:19 So ominous 0.o
In conclusion, I love this show.
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A Ranking of the Gayest American Girl Dolls
When it comes to lesbian subtext in the American Girl series, there's so much to unpack. Today I'll be discussing the 6 girls I deem the gayest.
Honorable Mentions
Felicity
Tomboy and horse girl. Has a companion doll. She hates learning etiquette. The Jiggy Nye redemption arc in her series is better than Snape's redemption arc, in my opinion. You may think she’s gayer than an honorable mention, but I think her traits read as “see this is a good and interesting colonist! She’s not like other girls uwu” as opposed to gayness. I am open to debate on the matter.
Addy
Her stories are much higher stakes than most of the other dolls', so the most time we have for subtext comes in her short stories and in her relationship with her friend Sarah. For example:
An enemies-to-lovers fic where Addy and Harriet are grown up could be veeeery interesting though.
Certified WLW (women-loving women)
6. Molly
Molly's lesbianism is more quantifiable than some of the other dolls. Some contributing factors are:
- bad at math
- lots of internalized self-loathing
- obsessed with her teacher Miss Campbell/daydreams about how pretty she is/snoops into her love life
- her OUTFITS
5. Josefina
Josefina Montoya is a Historical Doll (now called BeForever) from 1824 living in what would later become New Mexico. She's a soft girl with aspirations of becoming a healer. She's scared of goats and has a cool aunt, Tía Dolores.
Much of her stories revolve around adjusting to life after the death of her mother, and her relationship with Tía Dolores.
I don't want to gloss over this: there's a lot of discussion (in the stories and in the historical information at the back of each book) of colonialism and America's treatment of the west and those who live there.
There's also a fair amount of domestic tasks, playing music, and admiring flowers.
tldr; Josefina was the original cottagecore lesbian
4. Julie
If Molly's gayness isn't quite subtext, Julie's is canon. She's so lesbian-coded by way of lesbian stereotypes that I'm surprised a pride flag doesn't come with her accessories.
Julie petitions to join the boys basketball team, becomes an environmental activist, runs for student body president, and attends a Presidential debate. Her mom also has some very gay vibes, being a recently-divorced woman starting a career by opening a resale shop.
Julie lives in 1970s San Francisco and uses her privilege to lift up the voices of others and hold those in power accountable. Julie and her pet rabbit said gay rights.
3. Lindsey
Lindsey is the first Girl of the Year, released in 2001. She was also the first Jewish American Girl Doll. The title of the second chapter of her book is "What a Mess!" A mood. She’s not as well known so I’m going to fill you in a little bit more than with other dolls.
Lindsey is a flaming ball of chaos that ruins everything important to her family (according to herself.) Her story kicks off with her being disgusted to learn that her school is holding a "pet parade," which entails dressing pets up in human clothes and parading them around. She prepares a speech for her class to tell them off, but her teacher shuts her down. Lindsey doesn't take this well. She snatches an iguana and climbs up a tree in protest.
She plays the trumpet in her school band. One day she asks her band teacher if he has a girlfriend and she's very sad to learn he's single. How can he be happy without a woman to take care of him? Projecting much?
Lindsey also befriends a girl who is often bullied in school, cries in the bathroom (a gay ritual), and is told by her uncle, while dancing at her brother's bar mitzvah (post-Matzo ball food fight) that she is not a worm, and despite her chaos, is very loved.
Lindsey knows what she values and will throw food at your face or climb up a tree if you disrespect her. She also craves validation because she feels like a failure due to her unconventional approach to life. A lesbian icon in the making.
2. Kit
Kit spends six books telling you to fuck off with your gender roles, thank you very much. There's a lot of focus on Kit's life as a reporter and what her growing up during the depression will mean for her future expression of identity.
One part of her books that highlights Kit's relationship with gender roles and heteronormativity is when Ruthie reads fairy tales because she likes princesses, but Kit reads Robin Hood because she likes how he steals from the rich to give to the poor and tricks a sheriff. While Kit could become a case of "I'm not like other girls," I think this is avoided by her close friendship with Ruthie. She doesn't necessarily look down on traditional women's roles, she simply has other ambitions.
So yes, this part of her story is important, but what really sells it for me is her longing for adventure and her passion for baseball and Amelia Earhart.
Also? Her bomb outfits.
At one point, Kit gets anxious and hides under her porch. A lesbian oasis.
Kit is a practical and clever young lady with a bright future ahead of her. Keep up the great work, you icon.
1. Samantha
I have read, with my own two eyes, people calling Samantha a homophobe. Please.... I am so tired. Do not underestimate her like that. Let's dive in to the biggest lesbian of the bunch: Samantha Parkington.
Okay so first of all her series begins with her falling out of a tree and sassing her sexist Grandmary. From there, she grows close to Cornelia, her Uncle's girlfriend, who is involved in the fight for women's rights in the city. Samantha is heavily influenced by her and through the books, develops many of the same opinions.
When an Irish girl (Nellie) moves in next door to become a servant to Eddie Ryland's family, Samantha befriends her and teaches her to read. She never speaks down to Nellie or looks at herself as a savior, she just acts on what she thinks is right. The "Looking Back" sections of Samantha's books cover topics like social progress for women, the wealth gap, the treatment of servants, and the disparity in education between classes.
While Samantha follows in Cornelia's path, she also forms her own ideas. For instance: Samantha wins an essay contest with her essay on progress in American factories, and why America is excellent for such progress. When she shows Nellie her winning essay, Nellie tells her that it doesn't represent the truth of factories. Samantha sets out to uncover the truth about child labor that many Proud Americans have kept hidden. She decides she can't read her winning essay, so she changes it and calls out those who condone unfair labor in factories.
Samantha respects every person she comes across and always sees herself as an equal, not a superior. (Except her asshole neighbor, Eddie Ryland. He can choke!) Like Julie, Samantha uses her privilege to bring accountability to oppressors and fight for what's right.
Samantha loves women and won't rest until they all live safe, healthy, and happy lives. She questions the status-quo. She seeks revenge on the men who have made girls' lives hell. And she really loves her Uncle Gard and Aunt Cornelia. And climbing trees.
I imagine Samantha growing up and moving to New York City, hanging out in lesbian-owned speakeasies, and becoming a Mae West stan.
I'd love to hear your thoughts about American Girl subtext on twitter! If you enjoyed this article, please share it with a friend or two! Thank you for supporting an independent writer and American Girl stan.
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My Reaction to “Birds of Prey“
*in best Roman Sionis impression* WHOOO!
Figured I might as well FINALLY watch it. On with the show!
*silently jams to the opening logos*
This animated intro is great.
*snorts at the little animation of how an egg gets fertilized*
Why is this animated Joker a different (and actually better) character design than what we got in Suicide Squad? Were we robbed of Letoker in full Joker suited glory? I think we were.
“Behind every successful man is a badass broad.” *points at screen in agreement*
I love Harley’s freaking rainbow apartment
The hyena!
This movie has the same amount of color saturation as “Pulp Fiction”
Freaking Bernie the Beaver is holding her tissues! We stan supportive friends!
*gasp* Cass!
This guy [Roman’s driver] looks an awful lot like Jon Hamm and that is never gonna go away
“It’s not a party without a little drama!” I love Ewan McGregor
*snorts in hilarity when Harley turns to address the audience about how much she doesn’t like Roman in front of Roman*
“Do give the Joker my [Roman] best.” Uhhh....
*jams the crap out to “Boss Bitch” by Doja Cat*
*laughs at Harley drunkenly giving relationship advice to a female bust in the club*
“Some people have the Eiffel Tower. Or Olive Garden.” Can we please hear the stories about Gotham’s Olive Garden?
Oh that shot [of Harley walking away from the Ace Chemicals explosion] is great
[Four Minutes Ago] *snorts in hilarity*
So far I actually really like Rosie Perez as Montoya.
Huntress!
*Huntress kills the mob people in the flashback* That was awesome. And the way Montoya steps back and forth to investigate the body is great.
“Harley Quinn just called open season on herself.” And oop.
God, seeing Ewan as Black Mask is really gonna throw me off but man this is gonna be a great performance.
*jaw drops in horror when Zsasz removes someone’s FACE*
JESUS CHRIST HOLY SHIT RATED “R” HUH?!?
“Is that a snot bubble?” Shit!
OHHHHH THAT SHOT OF ROMAN WITH THE MASK ON!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!
The SATURATION IN THIS MOVIE
Also the soundtrack and aesthetic in this movie is very... “Suicide Squad”-esque
Man that sandwich looks good
*jaw drops when Harley accidentally throws her sandwich into the road*
Also they de-saturated everything again hahaha
Oh my gosh that guy [”Happy”] is HUGE
[GRIEVANCE: COSMETIC VANDALISM] Yeah, that sounds about right
“Par-ley??” *snorts*
Her [Montoya’s] shirt....
Also why is she wearing that shirt at work?
This movie is giving me huge Tarantino vibes
Why does the actor that plays Montoya’s boss looks familiar?
Oh! He’s Rufus in “Supernatural.” Bobby’s kinda buddy!
“Ms. Montoya, we do have a dress code.” There we go.
They are really just going back and forth in the timeline to cover everything, aren’t they?
Harley’s using nonlethal rounds?
The action set pieces in this movie so far are awesome.
*says “Run, piggy, run!” along with Harley*
Of course Dinah is singing “This Is A Man’s World”
Also I’ve seen like a 20 second Twitter compilation of Roman saying the f-bomb and it’s glorious
“We could make our own family.” Oh snap.
WAIT THAT’S THE GUY WHOSE FACE ZSASZ REMOVED!
Does... Roman... like Dinah? Like... that? Or is this manipulation?
*chuckles when drunk Harley slides up next to Dinah at the bar*
*gets very uncomfortable at a guy trying to take advantage of a drunk Harley*
C’mon Dinah...
What’s the song playing here [when Dinah’s beating up the guys in the alley]?
Uh whatcha doing in the corner there, Zsasz?
“Oh sooongbirrddd?” Noo...
Did I just see a street sign that said “ANUS”?
So is Cass faking a broken wrist or does she actually have a broken wrist?
So far my favorite characters are Montoya and Dinah. Not gonna lie.
*has to muffle laughter when Roman does the mmkay hand sign*
“I mean, I like crossbows!” *giggles*
Holy shit, Zsasz is jealous of Dinah.
“Look at his little ears, the little haircut...” *insane giggling*
ZSASZ IS DYING IN THE BACK I LOVE THIS SONG
Dinah is clearly rethinking some life decisions while looking at that statue of Roman
*jams out to “Sway with Me” by GALAXRA*
*Cass robs Zsasz of the diamond* WHOOP!
*winces when Roman does acupuncture*
“SHE’s a chILDDD!!” *laughs*
ZSASZ
Ho shit that shot of Roman on top of the stairs looking down at Harley
“VOTED FOR BERNIE” HAHAHA
*Harley completely derails Roman’s villain monologue* THIS IS AMAZING
HE [Roman] GOT A BOWL OF POPCORN
*Zsasz licks Harley’s cheek* EEUUUGGGHHH!!
Did that goon just pull a tampon out of Harley’s pocket?
I’M SORRY CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE PICTURE OF NUDE ELEANOR ROOSEVELT?
*gasps when Roman backhands Harley across the face*
OH HERE WE GO
HOLY SHIT THIS IS GREAT
ROMAN IN THE STRIPED SUIT
THE CHOREOGRAPHY
WHY WAS IT SO SHORT I LOVED IT
Where is this cover at on the official soundtrack?!?
“I’ll give you ‘til midnight.” Hold on, hold on, what’s the timeline for this movie?
Harley’s just booking it in the background
Aaaand we’re back at the beginning!
Aaand there’s Harley!
Wait there’s about an hour left and we just now got to Harley meeting Cass?
CONFETTIIIII!!
Is she just using paint bombs on all the guards?
Harley, trying to enter the cells: I AM PRESSING. EVERY BUTTON. I CAN FIND.
Why would they put Cass in the cell block with all the adults?
OH HALSEY! COME THROUGH!
*Harley slides across the floor to knock a guy down* OHHHH!!!
Daniel Pemberton’s orchestral score for this movie is reminding me an awful lot of “Into the Spiderverse”
Is that Katana’s sword?!? How the hell did it get there?!?
WAIT SHE’S GONNA HUFF THE COCAINE?!?
Jesus, now THIS is Harley’s fighting style! Holy crap!
*gasps when Harley gets kicked back and knocks off a car door off its hinges*
*jaw drops* SHE JUST SET THAT DUDE’S BEARD ON FIRE
How does everyone seem to know where Harley is?
*Smash cut to Harley buying laxative for Dinah in the store* Hahahahahaha!
“I do not care that you’re [Cass] a kid.” Yeah, Harley, didn’t you uh... assist in the murder of Jason Todd in this universe? Hmmm???
Wait so how long ago have Harley and the Joker been together?
Doc calls Harley “lotus flower”!
Those are the nuns from the school in the beginning!
She is actually... talking to the beaver
“[Joker] Sounds like a dick.” I mean, yeah.
Also I just realized that Harley drew an actual dick in the Joker drawing’s mouth
HUNTRESS!
OH NOW WE’RE GETTING INTRODUCED TO HELENA!
*eyes widen in shock at the Bertenelli massacre*
*chuckles at the smash cut to Helena practicing in the mirror*
*Roman sees someone laughing in the club* Oh no.
“Get on the table.” Uh.
Oh no what is he doing?
“DANCE, ERICA!” Ohh. Shit.
“Take your dress off.” *jaw drops in horror*
God, I cannot watch this. Holy-
*has to avert eyes*
*Roman stops Dinah from leaving* NO.
“You soothe me, little bird.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
OK, I can take a breather now. Ohhhh my God...
They’re [Harley and Cass] really just having a girl’s night
BRUCE, NOOOOO!!!
“No one knew we were here except-” DOC SOLD THEM OUT!
“This next bit ain’t very pretty.” Oh boy.
“I [Roman] own this town. You have my protection.” Mmmmm... no?
Whoa this super dramatic cover of “Hit Me with Your Best Shot”
OH HE’S [Zsasz] GONNA SEE THE TEXT SHE [Dinah] SENT [to Montoya]!
*Roman starts to break down* Oh. Shit.
OH THIS MUSIC
*Roman puts the mask on* OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
OH THIS IS GREAT
Also of course Joker and Harley had a hideout in Amusement Mile
*winces when Montoya punches Harley right in the boob*
*Harley kicks Montoya out the window* Oh she dead
*gasps* Zsasz!
Man that sideways shot of him is terrifying!
OH FRICK NO
JESUS I DON’T LIKE THIS
So is it implied that Zsasz only kills women or what? I thought he was an equal opportunity killer?
“That’s why he [Roman] needs me [Zsasz] to look after him.” Dude.
...did they just kill Zsasz?
Everyone except Harley is pointing guns at each other and all I’m thinking of is that scene from “The Office”
*snorts in hilarity for Harley clapping for Helena completing her kill list*
Oh Roman just brought a whole freaking army
OHHHH HE’S GOT THE MASK
Oh this music *chef’s kiss*
Oh my God is Roman gonna find Zsasz’s body?
Oh that crane shot out of the lair and back outside? That’s some good shit. Cathy Yan, I see you.
“I [Helena] DON’T HAVE RAGE ISSUES!” DINAH’S FACE!
*Helena pounces on a goon in the slide down and kills him* Geez that’s awesome
This whole set is great
*Helena gives Cass her old toy truck* THIS MAKES ME SAD
Yeah when did Harley have time to put on her skates?
Some dude just gets shanked then leaps back up
That fight scene just went by real quick
*gasps when Roman shoots Montoya*
*jaw drops when Dinah does the Canary Cry*
*Harley gets sideswiped by one of Roman’s goons* Yeah no there’s like half a rib cage gone
*Harley works on overtaking one of Roman’s goons’ car* CRAZY TOWN BEEP BEEP!
*Harley backflips onto the top of Roman’s car* OHHHH!
Founders Pier... geez that looks great
Wait are those all Roman’s goons just lining the dock or are those just statues?
Oh they’re all statues. That’s creepy.
“exCUUSEE me?!?” *snorts in hilarity*
*jaw drops when Cass tucks a grenade in Roman’s coat and activates it*
*still shocked when he FREAKING EXPLODES*
I’M SORRY THEY JUST KILLED OFF BLACK MASK
*Cass finally goes to the bathroom* Finally!
“Does she always [Montoya] talk like the cop in a bad 80s movie?” *laughs*
Guys Helena is great
*laughs when Helena laughs at the fact that Harley stole Dinah’s car*
“They call themselves the Birds of Prey.” Yay! Lemme see them again!
Harley’s jacket has a bedazzled vagina on the back of it
Look at Cass with her jacket and sunglasses!
“Yeah, I made the kid my apprentice.” Yeah, that’s not gonna last long.
#the blogger reacts#dceu#birds of prey#harley quinn#ewan mcgregor#black mask#roman sionis#dinah lance#black canary#huntress#helena bertinelli#cassandra cain#renee montoya#victor zsasz#joker#daniel pemberton#bop#rosie perez
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ELLE & GWEN : TWO FRIENDS TORN APART ONLY TO BE BUILT BACK UP AGAIN : a mini essay on friendship & more .
this is gonna be a semi - long ass post & hopefully one that is articulate & not some garbled mess but here we go . i have a theory / inkling about elle & gwen and it’s that they were ACTUAL FRIENDS at one point but had a vague falling out , i.e. exhibited in the way that gwen’s circle of friends ( god i don’t really know the girls names except erica & madison so forgive me but you know which girls that are always over at her house . ) treat / regard elle . elle is perceived as quiet ( she herself has said she is sensitive / doesn’t like change ) , i personally write her as having some form of anxiety ( most likely a sort of social anxiety ) & people ( especially girls who run in packs ) don’t like things they don’t understand / other girls they can’t control or ‘ figure out ‘ . elle is one of those girls . she’s pretty enough to be perceived as a threat by the girls who have hunky & potentially stupid boyfriends that would cheat on them ( clark, jason , etc ) . she’s talented enough to be envied . she’s determined & strong enough to hold her own against people who would speak ill of her ( though she always seconds guesses herself & probably doesn’t think of a comeback until after a situation ) .
GWEN’S GROUP OF FRIENDS .
in episode 2 “ our to.wn “ we see elle getting ready for something, she’s putting on makeup , picking out what one might consider a nice dress, wearing accessories , case & point she’s making an effort. she’s making an effort to distract herself from the dissolving world around her. she comes up to the house & is turned away by one of gwen’s friends told to “ go” after elle urges that she just wants some company. the girl then says “ why don’t you try one of your friend’s houses ??? “ . at first glance, this is just an obvious reference that she’s a loner . she has no friends . she has secluded herself from groups . but i think here , beyond her trying to make an effort in this new world , this might have been her old group of friends. though she’s never been considered the most popular or running with the likes of harry / kelly , she might have been friends of their friends, mid level acquaintances / tolerated if you will because one of the people in this friend group genuinely liked her & i think that person might have been gwen .
one thing that i did notice & that might be deemed insignificant by others or seem as far fetched is how they decorate their rooms . gwen is in gymnastics / possibly cheerleading & elle is in ballet / other forms of dance . they both hang their gymnastic accessories / cheerleading bows & ballet point shoes up on the wall straight in a row , as close as possibly to their bed or on an adjacent wall . now, you may be saying ? well , a lot of people display their competitive sports / trophies like that but i say , like minds think alike & i believe either gwen & elle were civil and knew each other from shared classes or shared sports / dance centers OR their parents were friends and thus they decided to decorate their rooms the same . i think there’s some sort of shared / history and bond between them . another possibility is that gwen tried to integrate elle into the friend group & no one else really liked her so what did gwen do ? she badmouthed her , she possibly talked shit about her to her boyfriend who then told jason & luke who then told helena who then called her a thot in the hallway. and yes, that does seem like a silly / trivial thing in a show such as this to bring up but i think it was significant enough point to be made be elle & helena to bring up the past . words hurt especially when you don’t deserve them & they come from someone you respect or someone that doesn’t even honestly know you. helena probably said it in the heat of the moment, there were probably rumors about elle floating around , vicious hurtful rumors or “ locker room talk “ by clark & the other guys . guys who would be influenced by their girlfriends perception of another female .
now onto how gwen’s friends treat elle ( EP 2 thru finale ) . they treat her as someone to be ignored . someone to scoff at . someone to pick on so they won’t get picked on by the god tier high school rich kids . it’s a those who are bullied bully others mentality . or those who don’t understand someone / won’t take the time to get to know someone end up making fun of them mentality . ex. at prom when elle’s dancing mostly by herself but in their vicinity , the one girl with the wavy hair sort of rolls her eyes / gives her friend a “ wth she’s fucking weird” look that normally would hurt elle but the girl in the red dress encourages her to dance / grabs her hand & twirls her around , this is also the scene where seconds later she bows in front of campbell & then they dance to a slow song later on. it’s pretty sad to realize she probably got ready in her house alone while gwen , helena & the other girls all got ready together .
this brings me to the other major theme in this essay that i think ELLE & GWEN ARE BOTH CLOSETED BI’S OR QUESTIONING & SOMETHING HAPPENED BETWEEN THEM. from like episode 4/5 or whatever on , gwen is seen distancing herself from clark & she is seen QUESTIONING OTHERS RELATIONSHIPS & HER OWN RELATIONSHIP IN THIS NEW WORLD.
elle & reaching out to gwen / gwen’s friend group :
in the church in ep 1 she can be seen sitting close to kelly & gwen .
ep 2 , she goes to gwen’s house only to get turned away .
ep 3, she gets excluded from the church all girls meeting .
ep 3. in the cafeteria, before campbell gives her the prom dress, she is seen hesitating when seeing gwen, lexie & the other girl on those risers in the cafeteria. gwens looks over for a split second ( so does lexie i think ) & elle ultimately chooses to sit by herself for fear of being turned away once more .
ep 4 , after elle proposes movie night to kelly & elle attends movie night by herself , clarke & gwen walk her back to campbell’s house . elle even mirrors her own words in ep 2 saying “thanks for the company guys. “ the company she so wanted in ep 2 but was denied . gwen also lowkey picks up on the off vibe between elle & campbell , not only because she probs thinks campbell is a creep but because she knows elle personally . there’s a brief flicker of concern right after c kisses elle & starts petting her head . yeah, anyone could be weirded out by this but i think she showed genuine concern that a friend would have seeing another friend in this situation .
ep 9 after the pie poisoning , helena takes elle in & elle ultimately leaves helena’s home because she doesn’t want to put her or their other friends in danger.
ELLE & GRIZZ TALKING (EP 2 ) / GWEN & GRIZZ TALKING ( EP 1 thru THE FINALE ) yes, i don’t think it’s a coincidence that both girls are seen opening up / talking about intimate issues with grizz, the other half of a gay m/m couple who are completely the softest in all of new ham . grizz approaches elle unprompted in episode 2 “ our town “ ( cause he’s a nice guy and he could see she was uncomfy ) when she’s seen on the fringes of the fugitive game . grizz tells her that everyone is scared & sometimes a silly game makes things better, she says that she doesn’t think it’ll help her much & she admits that she thinks GOD IS PUNISHING HER . when i first rewatched / heard this i was like “ oh she’s talking about campbell “ but i realized we don’t really seem them together until later on in that episode where campbell solidifies his choice with her / they go to prom in the later episodes . i think that elle thinks god is punishing her for SOMETHING SHE DID RELATED TO GWEN’S FRIEND GROUP OR FRIENDS .
quotes from gwen or instances where it seemed to be coded towards her questioning not only the world around her but her own sexuality / curiosities .
“ we might have to marry them one day, i mean , who else is there ?” ---- gwen in ep 2 after the fmk game where they talk about the boys.
idk what ep but when she just randomly brings up that seth guy. idk it reeked of “ lol boys like me . i like boys. i met one once that i’m totes gonna get with later energy “ when everyone knows that’s a damn lie. i think she overcompensates a lot when talking about guys / making inappropriate jokes or playing fmk , etc.
when helena & gwen are getting ready for prom , gwen tells her that she wasn’t even going to go to prom with clarke. their relationship was already over in her mind & she was moving on . she also asks helena about luke & them staying together saying , “how can you be so certain?” , ALSO , when she mentions stan/ford & says there are so many people “ hot people. hot surfer people . you don’t think you’d be curious?” got my bi antennas going WAY UP cause she totally could have said “ hot guys / dudes, etc. “
she also says “ luke wasn’t just the best you could do for now?” which is how i think gwen views her relationship with clarke & the small town that they are in & now the current situation they’re in .
okay but grizz & gwen’s whole interactions in the finale screamed questioning / curious to me because g reading thoreau really fucked up gwen i think espc the whole “ and not when i came to die, discover that i had not lived . “ i.e. gwen not discovering / exploring her sexuality / her place in the world.
gwen cuddling g / trying to lowkey put the moves on him & then grizz admits he’s gay to her.
“ are you gay through & through or mostly gay?” yeah, that’s insensitive wording & ignorant , but to her , it’s an honest question cause she’s curious about grizz . i wholly believe this was also a hopeful asking for her in terms of “ wow i guess that could be me too eventually?” like i think she has so much respect for grizz so to see him out here living the best life he can and accepting who he is and telling her about that like idk i just read that scene of it really opening up her world views / the possibilities of life as someone who is questioning things.
TLDR ; ELLE & GWEN USED TO BE GOOD FRIENDS . THEY ARE BOTH QUESTIONING THEIR SEXUAL IDENTITIES & PLACE IN THE NEW WORLD . THERE WAS SOME SORT OF FALLING OUT THERE I JUST KNOW IT. GWEN & HER FRIENDS WEREN’T JUST BEING MEAN GIRLS, THEY WERE BEING MEAN EX FRIENDS .
#the society spoilers#long post for ts#long post //#yikes this post is 2k+#feel free to ignore lol but here it is#i might be reaching in some areas but idk this is just my viewpoint / inkling from my rewatch
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Here are my feelings about For The People:
Sandra Bell is everything I want to be when I grow up and everything I am on the track to becoming. She’s the idealized version of myself and I aspire to be that person every single day because she is tirelessly idealistic and ruthlessly ambitious and aspires to the highest moral code and the best version of her. She is good and she is kind and she cares so much.
Kate Littlejohn is the person most capable of protecting herself that I would do anything to protect. I love her so much with my entire heart. She is funnier than everyone else combined and a bi icon and I stan her. I love her perfectionism and her pragmatism and her compulsiveness and everything that makes her extraordinary. She is absolutely Sandra’s equal. One is an idealist, the other is a pragmatist, but they are so similar. They are both the absolute best at what they do and they recognize that in each other.
Leonard Knox is everything Kate accuses him of being. He is her, but a million times more willing to bend the rules and step over the line. He has self-discipline but isn’t afraid of using that in unconventional ways. He is the most stereotypically Slytherin of the three of them. (I think Allison, Jay, and Seth are all Hufflepuffs whole Sandra is a Slytherin-Gryffindor hybrid while Kate is a Slytherin-Ravenclaw hybrid.) If I was ever in trouble, I’d call Kate. Unless I fucked up and am actually guilty, then I’d call Leonard.
I ship Sandra and Kate. I think Sandra is ace far more than bi and I like Kate with Anya but they are deserving of each other and perfectly compatible. With that said, we can’t ignore the tension between Sandra and Leonard. (She is superior and he knows it.) We also absolutely cannot ignore Kate and Leonard; I think they’re going to be end game.
Allison Adams, what a queen. I recognize the differences in their wardrobes. Kate always buttons her shirts to the top button. She only wears collared button-ups. She doesn’t wear color. Or heels. Sandra wears heels but never skirts or dresses. She is also the only one who would be caught dead wearing a t-shirt under her blazer. Her jewel-tone pantsuits (that emerald green and burgundy red) are my religion. Allison’s hair is glorious and she rocks red like no one else. She’s a goddess, and she knows it. She understands the outcasts, the black sheep, the client no one else takes seriously. I appreciate that about her. She lives her life more adventurously than Kate and Sandra ever would dare to. She brings life to the party. Looking back, in that opening scene, her and Sandra were SO MARRIED.
Jay Simmons, my sweet boy. He is my son and I would die for him and he is too good for this world and no one deserves him. He is a good lawyer. Anyone who disagrees is WRONG.
Seth Oliver is the outcast of the group. The three women and Leonard are exceptional at what they do. They win and win and win and win. Especially the two prosecutors. Jay is an angel who tries and it pays off. Seth is stuck. He isn’t a prosecutor like Jay is a public defender. He has to find his way, find his place, make a room of his own. I feel bad for him. I admire his tenacity. I admire his persistence. His patience and tolerance and endurance. I don’t think him and Allison can be together but I wish him a happy ending. He deserves that.
I would die for Jill Carlan. She reminds me of my favorite teacher who is like my second mom. She is everything I would want in a mentor and too good for this world and SO MARRIED TO ROGER GUNN. Please don’t get married because it’s a cursed institution but they belong together.
Tina Krissman is an angel sent from the heavens. I appreciate her so much. Her episode (s02ep02) was heartbreaking and so touching. She means everything she said and I felt it, all the way to my soul.
Judge Nicholas Byrne is a legend, an icon. Someone put him on the Supreme Court. This country needs him.
#for the people#kate littlejohn#sandra bell#allison adams#seth oliver#jay simmons#leonard knox#jill carlan#roger gunn#nicholas byrne#tina krissman#anya ooms#for the people abc
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IT: Chapter 2 Spoilers
Just gotta let it all out stream of conscious like
RICHIE IS GAY? DID THEY MAKE RICHIE GAY? Except, did they make Richie gay, but keep it really subtle, and not make it clear what Eddie’s deal was or let them really interact much until Eddie DIED? Which by the way KILLED ME, even though I knew it was coming?
To move me into my rapid fire +/- review:
- Eddie felt really underserved? Adult Eddie had very little to do and they didn’t CLARIFY ANYTHING ABOUT HIS SEXUALITY OR FEELINGS?
- (I maybe also thought he said fuck too much, everyone did, “motherfucker” is a lazy replacement for “you slime”) (I know it’s an f-bomb in the book; I’m partial to “you slime”)
- Everyone was pretty underserved, honestly! Bill! Ben! Bev! Mike!
+ EXCEPT FOR RICHIE, BILL HADER WAS GREAT, CANNOT WRAP MY HEAD AROUND THIS PROBABLY GAY RICHIE THING, especially because they really emphasized the Eddie subtext from the book in the first film
+ Mike had more to do than in the first movie (not hard) and had a research book BUT
- He lied to them? And the ritual of Chud was (a) bullshit and (b) given a completely different backstory than in the book?
+ But despite that feeding into the “believing in stuff makes you WEAK” thread of the first movie which was the worst aspect of that film, maybe belief did make them strong?
- Why was Henry even here, he did NOTHING, Mike wasn’t even knocked out of the final battle (thank god)
- I get why Audra and Tom weren’t there, but it made that part of Bev and Bill’s lives have literally 0 impact
-- They weren’t even in the EPILOGUE (although, +, I liked that there was no amnesia)
- Speaking of zero impact, Stan -- it’s hard to sell his suicide with the changed structure of these movies and with the more jokey tone
- This leaned really hard into horror comedy in general! The Minnie Riperton needle drop! Also the leper clutched Eddie’s shoulders like girls kiss in 1950s movies
+ On the other hand some of the deaths were very effective to me, mostly when they showed how people’s KINDNESS and BRAVERY were used against them. They did a good job showing what a good person Adrian Mellon was, and the scene with Victoria also made me cry.
+ Skateboard kid! If he had only said “You can’t be careful on a skateboard.” (He looked so much like Georgie -- was it the same actor?)
- The pacing and everything was all over the place, they really didn’t do themselves any favors with putting all the adult stuff in one movie.
- Like. this wasn’t a good movie.
- NOT ENOUGH HUGGING. You know what the miniseries has? Lots of hugging. The miniseries does such a good job of showing their love and their weird slip-slidey emotions as memories rush back unpredictably in the adult portions.
+++ The flashback scene in the clubhouse where we got all the wonderful chemistry of the childhood cast and a lot of group bonding.
+ RICHIE. IS GAY. WHAT THE FUCK.
+ Like obviously that’s always been a longshot wishlist item for me in an adaptation, except I always assumed it would be Eddie (as he was heavily queer-coded in the 1990 miniseries) and didn’t really imagine I would one day see an adaptation where it’s clear that Richie is queer and NOT clear if Eddie is and also every part of their extremely tragic ending is very true to the book so we never get an instant of greater connection?
- Richie never calls Eddie by a nickname! Whole movie!
++ BUT Eddie calls himself “Eds” when he’s psyching himself up to do something because he channels his friends (and Richie in particular) when he wants to be brave ;___;
+/- I don’t know how to rate Stevie’s cameo
- Like, even Bill, was he a character in this. This was three hours long, you’d think there’d be characters.
---- Ben did not wear dress boots.
- Also did NOT like how they handled the Black Spot stuff, but guess I was glad that Mike wasn’t strung out like all the pre-movie press suggested? (Unless he was?) Disappointed his parents, who are utterly wonderful parents and functional people in the book, ARE dead “crackheads”? (Unless they aren’t?)
+ They don’t ride a bicycle together but this adaptation kept the Mike/Bill vibe from the miniseries going strong. It is not there at all in the book (except for how everyone is in love with Bill), but I appreciate that it’s apparently an adaptational necessity.
+ Kept the “Kiss me, fat boy!” line which I will still always hear in Tim Curry’s voice
+/- this also isn’t bad or good but I legit thought Eddie was still a chauffeur in the beginning because he was driving such a chauffeur car
? shower caps
+ still like Jewish Richie
++ also Richie in general
+++ also Paul Bunyan
I HAD THREE DRINKS AT THE THEATRE AND IT’S PAST MY BEDTIME AND I LITERALLY FEEL LIKE I’M EXPLODING, which given that I had a tepid response to almost every part of the movie is very confusing, but I feel many things
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Let's Run Away
Tom Holland x Reader mob!au pt4
Warning: smut, guns, alcohol, gambling, boxing
Word count: 1670
Summary: In the 1920s, during the height of prohibition, in New York City, Tom holland, an unknown from London, tries to make his way around the New York crime world with his lover Y/n. When he owes an influential crime family money he'll do anything to pay them back. Is it too much?
Author note: Robbie- Sebastian Stan, Vinnie- Ian Somerhalder. Not representative of their real personalities.
Glad rags are going out dresses.
The Eager Beaver was a small potatoes joint. A lot of workers and lower ranking members of the mobs visited it. They paid both the Moretti and O'Neal's to keep it a neutral ground. The head bosses never visited the joint.
Across town was the Bee's Knees which couldn't be more different. It was a O'Neal joint. The mob bosses could often be seen working there. It was safer from the police because the mob paid well and New York City police knew they didn't have the power to take them down. They had nice tables and chairs. The dance floor shone high gloss. Unlike the Eager Beaver, that often had a mixture of all people wearing everything from suits to construction gear, the Bee's Knees had a code. If you came here, you came in your best.
Every Tuesday and Thursday they had a big fight. A boxing ring was placed on the dance floor and the stage was covered in tables to place bets. They often had 3 separate fights starting smallest to largest. Large quantities of money was exchanged at these events.
Johnny was going to raid the place. He had roped in Tom, Haz, Ollie, and Trev, plus 2 of his own guys. Robbie and Vinnie sat at a card table in the back of Johnny 's warehouse. The building was quiet at this early hour. Johnny came strolling in with a tray containing coffee mugs and a pot.
"Cuppa coffee, anyone?" He offered. Haz and Robbie both took a cup. "I have the plans here," Johnny said unrolling a set of blue prints. It was the Bee's Knees in detail.
"Alright, so we know that every Friday and Tuesday they have fights and a lot of money comes in. They don't pay until Saturday morning. We are going to take them for everything they've got. It'll be thousands of dollars in one safe. There are 3 locks and 2 guards to get through. We just need to get the keys during the fight and then come back later. We have about 8 to 10 minute to get in and out. I think we can do it in 5. No one will know who did it. I'll claim you helped me with a shipment to explain the money."
"Tom you need to be look out. Bring your girl to the fight and show her a good time. You will distract security if needed. Your girl could fake fainting if needed," Johnny said. Tom tensed at the idea of involving Y/n.
"Haz, bring someone too. You'll be doing the same. Tom will sit here," Johnny pointed to a seat near the office. "And Haz, here," he pointed to a seat near the back exit.
"Vinnie and Ollie will sit near the main doors. And Trev will distract the bartender for Robbie to get the keys. If all goes well then we just enjoy the fights before leaving. We'll come back around 2 to get the stuff. I'll explain that after we get the keys. Does everyone understand?" Johnny said looking at the group.
"I don't like involving Y/n," Tom said. Johnny nodded.
"You could leave her home alone for the Moretti to talk to her again," Johnny countered. "Or you two could buy your girls some dresses to show them a good time," he said handing both Haz and Tom some money.
Tom stiffly nodded. He hated this idea but what choice did he have? Haz smiled uncomfortably. He was going to have to ask Dot. And she couldn't know what he was even doing.
--------------------------------------------
Tom had stopped at a shop on the way home and bought a dress for that night. He knew what they expected there and Y/n had never been. He hoped that you wouldn't be mad at him when he got home. He cautiously walked in the tiny apartment. You stood at the sink washing dishes. You appeared normal except for the knife held in the band of your apron.
"Hey pretty girl," Tom decided to say. The last thing He wanted was to scare you and get stabbed. You turned around quicker than usual with your hand going to the hilt of the knife. "It's just me, love. I got you some glad rags," he sad offering the bag.
You took the bag and sat at the small rickety table. You pulled out a dress that was the most expensive and beautiful thing you had ever owned. "How did you get this?"
"I need your help tonight," Tom said before explaining the plan. You looked at him cautiously. Your hand ran on the fabric of the dress. It was softer than anything. He did say all you would be doing is watching a boxing match. You touched the spot on your cheek softly.
"Okay. We'll do it."
You stood in front of your mirror wearing the dress. It was butter yellow, knee length, hung loose from the hips down. The back was open to the small of your back. You ran a hand on the beading along the neckline. It was beautiful.
"Holy hell. I'm not sure if I can let you leave," Tom said grabbing your hips from behind. "You are gorgeous, love," he said as a hand ran up to cup your breast. The thin material provided little barrier.
"We have to get ready," you reminded him as he placed soft kisses on your neck.
"We have time," He said huskily pulling at the ribbon in the back. He unbuttoned it and the dress slipped to the floor. Tom ran his hands along your body as you watched in the mirror.
--------------------------------------------
This was your first time at the Bee's Knees. It was owned by the Moretti and very expensive. Of course, Johnny had paid the group's way. He stood proud of himself wearing a navy suit with a blue undershirt and striped tie. Tom had put on a classier and older black suit with white shirt and tie.
Tom had a hand firmly on your bare back to keep you close. He hated involving you. You smiled politely at all around. After shaking a few hands He guided you to 2 chairs near the office. You looked at the ring in the middle of the room. Men walked to the tables on the stage to make bets and back to their seats.
Men of wealth from all over the city filled the room and many had beautiful women on their arms. You felt poor but also excited. You didn't know if you would ever see this life again. Johnny sat down in a seat near the ring, turned in his seat, and winked at you both. Tom grabbed you both a glass of champagne, real champagne, from a waitress walking by. How they had gotten it from France with the laws against alcohol in New York was a mystery to you.
"Excuse me, sir?" Said a nervous man in a waiter outfit. Tom looked at him. "This seat is reserved. If you could move here," he motioned to 3 rows closer to the ring. Tom nodded and stood. You followed to your new seats. He felt nervous at the thought of being farther from the office. This wasn't part of the plan.
Soon the seats began filling up around you. Haz sat across the room with Dot who was gorgeous in a blue dress. Her red hair looked even more beautiful. Right before the fight was to began a group of people split the crowd and sat in the seats you had been in. It was clearly the Moretti family. The elderly man of the group was the leader and everyone deferred to him. You felt Tom tense next to you.
"You have that gun, right love?" He asked leaning into your ear. Your blood chilled at the thought of needing it but you nodded. You could feel the cold metal strapped to your thigh. "If anything happens get low and run."
The crowd cheered loudly. It was an odd sight to see people in fancy clothing cheering loudly. Two men walked into the ring. They were thin but very fit. This was the lightweight fight. You had never seen a boxing match in person. Generally the spots Tom watched the weren't the best places for women.
A man acting as referee stepped in the ring. The two men squared up and bumped hands. A bell rang and the ref backed up. The two boxers began dancing and throwing their gloved hands at each other. The crowd cheered as they connected. You gasped as one particular hit rocked the fighter. He spit blood on the mat. Tom grasped your hand lightly.
Soon the bell rang again and the pair stepped back to their corners where they were given water and rags to wipe the blood. Waiters fluttered through the crowd bringing drinks and cigarettes to spectators. Soon the pair squared up again and the bell rang.
The hometown favorite swung hard to hit the jaw of the taller man. He rocked back slightly and got a jab to the ribs as punishment. He managed to dance away from the next hit. He threw a hook to the favorite's ribs. He exposed his face and got a hard jab to the nose. He bled freely on the mat. He swung wildly and the favorite jabbed him quickly in the jaw and the man went to the mat.
A gun shot sounded in the room and you froze. You felt your blood thicken in horror. Tom pushed you from your chair to the ground and wrapped his arms around you.
"We have to get out of here, pretty girl. Stay with me," Tom said pulling a gun from his waistband. You remembered the revolver on your hip and reached for it. "Safer if you didn't, love. Not enough space."
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#tom holland#harrison osterfield#haz osterfield#haz#tom holland smut#harrison osterfield x reader#tom holland x reader#mob!haz#mob!au#mob!harrison#mob!tom#lets run away t.h.#taron egerton#bill skarsgard#robbie amell#sebastian stan#ian somerhalder#katherine mcnamara
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Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 3 Chapter 19
• It's our WEDDING DAY. But it looks like Anton wants to make it our Deathday first.
• For the kind of wait most of the stans have been keeping since this book has begun, seeing our MCs finally married to our favourite LIs is quite...satisfying. Well. For most of us at least.
• Title: You Are Cordially Invited. To see me get married or to see me die?
• Mara goes outside, vowing that to get through to us they'd have to get through to her first.
• Madeleine and Bertrand barricade the door with a couch and Bertrand warns everyone to have something in hand (Olivia is one step ahead, obviously, with her sharp-as-fuck stilettos).
• That girl is ready and prepared to commit maritricide, y'all! XD
• Hana picks a vase, Madeleine keeps her clipboard, Penelope is panicking at the back with Merlin and Morgana (this was the shit I was trying to avoid with court, Mom! I can almost hear her thinking), but if you really want to see a legend minus the legend points...I should point you all to Kiara:
I repeat. A legend I stan.
This is someone having a trigger attack, and steeling herself despite the trauma of two previous experiences before plunging herself into a possible third one. That takes serious guts.
• Madeleine isn't exactly prepared to fight (clearly being Queen never seemed to involve fighting assassins before for her, strangely enough), but Olivia sure is. She says "do you want to keep bleating like a defenseless lamb or do you want to get ready to fight?"
• Honestly though Olivia delivers some of my favourite lines this chapter.
• Ana is staying out if this - (in public) because she "does not have the equipment for this" and (in private) because she wants to capture the scoop of the century!
• THANK YOU MAXWELL for gifting me that sword!
•
(All the screenshots, except for the Maxwell one from the HIMEME channel, are mine)
I have better bodyguards inside this boutique than I do outside. Look at all of these people. Picking up clipboards, stilletoes, vases, mannequins, scissors, THEIR OWN BARE HANDS, and defeating these dudes. Like...like...they may have been incredibly sheltered and protected by their families but all of them know how to make the best of a situation where their lives are under threat. And mind you, at least two of those women openly struggle with issues related to their mental health and still manage to emerge from this doing what they can.
• I loved the sword scene! It was a nice look back at TCaTF (esp Book 3) and a nice way to celebrate the Choices anniversary. In TCaTF books 1 and 2, you had different point systems for Kenna and Dom: prestige for her and power for him, to show the rise of Kenna as a formidable leader and the gaining of Dom's fire powers. Because he possesses enough power to transform into a dragon by the end of Book 2, the focus then shifts to them gearing up for their biggest battle yet - the one with Empress Azura of Ducitora (though part of this book is spent with Dom trapped inside an airship fighting a particularly frightening form of mind control from Hex). The implication is that Kenna becoming a legend consolidates her position as the uniter of the Five Kingdoms, which is what she becomes by the end of the story. It's therefore fitting that the legend points feature here, just before the MC's wedding - for like Kenna, she has just returned from reuniting the nobility (or not) into supporting Liam's right to the throne through her wedding, and like Kenna she needs to fight a Nevrakis, while possibly having the support of other Nevrakises...well, just one in the case of TRR.
• If you're marrying Hana, she features nowhere in this scene, and Olivia stabs the assassin who attacks Madeleine with knives. If you're not, she is part of your entourage, and particularly is shown taking action when Madeleine's life is under threat. If they hadn't already been hinting at Madeleine's "feelings" for Hana, and the latter's convenient amnesia regarding the events of the engagement tour...I wouldn't have minded. But I do. Very much.
• Maxwell only features in this scene if you choose him as a bridesmaid, but I would highly recommend choosing him as one at least once (if he's not your LI that is) because he and Bertrand do so amazing fighting together here.
• Ana's motto will be "my life may leave me but never my desire to catch proof of a burning-hot scoop".
• Gee, Bastien, you took a while to get here. Like...8 chapters or something.
• Mara comes back with an injury and an attempt to say our code name, which...sure thanks Mara but you still suck at your job. If guarding us is really your job at all.
• Bastien and whoever is with him have managed to capture the remaining assassins but Anton managed to escape. If that doesn't come back to bite us in the ass later...
• Why is Madeleine so involved when it comes to MY dress? Her hand is literally trembling. Please don't tell me this design was intended for her wedding. That'll be a waste of 25 whole diamonds.
• Or perhaps she's just shook coz THERE IS FYDELIA LACE INVOLVED YOU PEASANTS.
• "I need to have security remove any guests wearing white," says the press sec who tried to sneak in a white dress to wear for my wedding.
(Yes. I plead guilty. I just needed an excuse to cram in a Brian May gif there. I can't help that this man is the Meme King of Queen).
• OF COURSE I'M WEARING DRAKE'S POCKET WATCH AND HANA'S SHOES.
• We've finally reached the cathedral! After threatening to either drive the carriage through the premises, cry or sue Cordonia if we don't get there soon enough.
• I see the Applewood people! You get loads of options to greet the crowd. And of course I was going to try getting Esther to say " 'sup" once lol. I think depending on how you wave to them, the press will either see you as graceful or playful.
•
(Screenshots: Hana's is mine, Maxwell's from the HIMEME YouTube channel, Penelope's from @sgt-peppers-coffee-club , Olivia's from @i-dream-so-i-write , and Kiara's from @callmetippytumbles )
Here's all our Maids (plus one Man) of Honour! All of them speak about this day being a long time coming, but also reflect with the MC on what it took for them all to get to this point. I think Olivia (by virtue of being the Fighter of the lot) and Kiara (because of what she's faced at least thrice now) get some particularly meaty lines for their MOH scene.
• You get to choose whether Bertrand should accompany you down the aisle, since it's tradition to be done so by a member of your House, and the Beaumonts have been her sponsor from the beginning. Cue an emotional moment with Bertrand, who regards you as family now and is immensely proud of you. The Maxwell stans got a similar conversation in the vows diamond scene, but in more detail because it's his kid brother you're marrying, but now we get it as an honorary Beaumont as well. He gets super super emotional if you ask him to walk you down the aisle.
• Oooh pretty! And so many stained glass windows! Why was Leo complaining so much about this cathedral in RoE Book 3? I would have given an arm and a leg to get married there.
• NEW MUSIC!!! Lots of lovely flowery piano notes and trumpets. Very regal and very much a wedding march tune.
• So technically I'm guessing this is where we get to see the results of our tour, because in my playthrough everyone is here.
• If you're marrying Drake, you get to see his mother Bianca, and she speaks to you after the ceremony. I can kiiinda see where Savannah gets her "I only met you ten seconds ago but OMG WE'RE GOING TO BE BFFS" vibe comes from.
• WTF none of these people changed clothes it seems 😂 Everyone's else is wearing what they usually wear. Guys, this wedding is going to be freaking TELEVISED and these nobles are wearing their usual dusty outfits 😂😂
• The Best Men/Women, are depicted positively - whether they have feelings for the MC or not. Drake is said to be showing a "rare, unabashed grin", and Liam is "smiling proudly". Kiara is "smiling excitedly".
• So as you all know, you can choose between Liam (if you're marrying Hana or Maxwell), Leo or Regina for officiating your wedding. The speech is largely the same - they all mention the seed and apple tree analogy, the traditions of Cordonia and how important love is - but the opening lines vary.
(Regina's is from mine, Leo's is from the Bizzy's Choices channel, and Liam's is from @kennaxval )
Regina's is distant and formal, which suits her and suits the scale of the occasion. Leo's is humorous, and Liam's is flowery and poetic. This suits both of the men as we know them. Leo is known to not take himself very seriously, and Liam's language is very ornate by default.
• The vows (I'm talking about the LIs' ones here, since the MC's is customizable) are all beautiful. Every single one delves into their history with her and how their relationship with her grew from strength to strength. You can see why they decided to go off-script for their vows. Their story with her has always been personal and these vows are about acknowledging the long, hard journey that got them to this altar.
•
Liam's is about how the MC taught him to believe in possibility, to believe that he needn't be stuck in the rut of royal stoicism to be the king his people need. Hana's is about the freedom the MC gave her from a future carefully charted out for her, into a better, brighter one. Maxwell's is about how he has found a woman whose very presence represents adventure for him, someone who will raise him up rather than tie him down. Drake's is about embracing change, accepting the love the MC has for him and the love he tried to deny having for the MC. I love them all.
• In my mind this is the improved version of the wedding scene in TCaTF, as is the RoE wedding. I recall, way back when Kenna got married, fans (rightly) pointed out that while her LIs' vows sounded heartfelt and acknowledged their relationship with her, the few options given for Kenna's vows made her sound impersonal and not very involved in comparison (for instance, even though Diavolos appeared only by Book 3, Kenna still was made to sound like the relationship had been there for longer). In RoE, they attempted to correct that, by giving us the diamond option to personalize our vows (still using their choices, but we got more options here and went into more detail). In TRR they've gone a step further and have US type what we want with our wishes, because even when you have the same LI - no two people can view one character the same. There's space for shitposting haha, but it's also to ensure that we have enough say in the vows we want our MCs to repeat.
• If you don't choose either your corgi or Bartie, the Cordonian children become your ringbearers. In this case, they are Valerie and Marco, the little ones from Lythikos, which I think is a very interesting choice. Because it does show us that though the Nevrakis clan seem to want to destroy Liam and his line, Lythikos itself - represented by Olivia - is in support of him. If Liam doesn't marry you, it makes even more sense that the children meant to represent Cordonia come from Olivia's estate.
• Lol everyone got the same ring. At least it isn't the cheapass one Madeleine had us pick up for her in Book 2.
• Vows exchanged, tears shed, and we can be as thirsty as we want in public without anyone saying a thing (wink at the LI, tell them you wish you both were alone instead of at a cathedral, give them a steamy kiss after your vows are exchanged).
AAAAAAAND WE'RE MARRIED!!!!
(Screenshots: for Drake and Maxwell it's was @sgt-peppers-coffee-club and for Hana it was @kennaxval 😄)
Ngl I was super super emotional when I saw the wedding portrait it took us so LONG and it was so BEAUTIFUL 😭
• Esther wants to call the monarchy the "DuPont dynasty" right now haha. I think there are some playthroughs (for instance Maxwell's I think) where Hana speaks of creating the Lee dynasty which...well...is odd if you're not marrying her, yes. This chapter had a whole bunch of goof ups going on.
•
YES DONNIE KEEP SAYING IT. I'M QUEEN NOW. FINALLY.
• From rats in a dumpster to this...what a journey.
• We now have a reception to go to! There is a teaser about whether this reception will be the one we hoped for (which is shorthand either for "gear up for drama folks" or for "you didn't spend enough diamonds for this, sucks to be you" 😒).
General Thoughts:
• How many of you folks have seen Cold November Rain? That music video from Guns n Roses? In that one, there's a wedding and Slash, the band guitarist (cum best man who seems to be in love with the bride) drops the ring in the bridegroom's hands and then steps out into a...desert for this:
Would have been epic if either Drake or Liam left the ceremony midway to perform an epic guitar solo to the bustling crowd in Cordonia 😂 (you know the writers have friendzoned Hana and Maxwell hard enough that that will never happen for them).
• For the most part this chapter definitely did live up to the hype. This wedding was the culmination of everything we've been through since the book began so of course it was going to be big - and it was. I may have lost a lot of love I used to have for this book, but damn did I feel emotional when I read those vows, saw that wedding screenshot, heard the wedding music, fought alongside my girls.
• I think there may be two chapters left. Next chapter will be dedicated to the reception, and we'll see the following choices we made play out, most of which are certainly diamond-options:
1. The nobles (free, but it largely depends on whether you won them over or not)
2. The main course (from the food festival in Castelserraillian). Liam also showed us a chocolate souffle from there which he was suggesting for the wedding but IDK if that one will feature.
3. The wedding cake (Capitol cake scene) and the surprise dessert for the LI (baklava, cheetah cake, s'mores, hot chocolate).
4. The chocolates/macarons for guests
5. The gifts for the LIs (all of which open up a special scene).
6. The presence of Drake's mother (if you are marrying Drake).
That's a whole lot of stuff to code so get ready for a few goof-ups here and there, fam. As long as it's not as bad as the one they did at Hana's wedding that would be fairly okay.
• Now I know the "husband and wife" thing was a goof-up with the code, as is Liam not wearing the white uniform if you chose it for him and Hana's comment on the Lee dynasty with the MC (which somehow never showed up on my Liam playthrough). And technically, not many would actually be this angry about it if it weren't for the fact that Hana has been treated like crap by her writers before this, and on a smaller scale so has Maxwell. It's bad enough that she is the only option out there. It's even worse that while Drake gets extra development and extra scenes and extra characters (they worked hard enough to do the artwork for his mother for just that one playthrough), Hana is stuck with lazy writing and the person shown having a crush on her was her bully in the previous book. Having Liam announce that Hana and the MC are "husband and wife" even after different options had been given or chosen, would feel like a slap in the face.
Thankfully, PB has recognized how badly this could alienate fans, especially fans of characters like Hana and Maxwell who don't get the attention they deserve, and not only apologized but recognized how hurtful it was and tried to compensate.
I mean, how would you feel if the LI you liked was constantly being treated like they didn't matter? Wouldn't it frustrate you? Wouldn't a "glitch" like this one be the rotten cherry on a huge crapcake?
I'm saying this because I have seen at least a few say "this is a glitch lmao why are you guys complaining so much". This is why. It goes beyond just the glitch. It goes into why "husband" has to be the default here. It goes into chapters and chapters of shitty writing given only for certain LIs. That frustration is bound to boil over at some point.
• We'll also definitely be sneaking out and doing some post-matrimonial banging at some point. And if I don't get lingerie before that happens Ima be very very angry 😡
• I think it would be better to spread this out into two chapters.
• Is there a chance Anton might actually try something at the reception? Possibly.
• Will it be enough to warrant another full-length book? I don't know. I hope not.
• Alright, it's time for Chapter 20 now!
#the royal romance#long post#liam x mc#king liam#hana x mc#hana lee#maxwell x mc#maxwell beaumont#drake x mc#drake walker#bossina cathedral#wedding#olivia nevrakis#countess madeleine#trr penelope#trr kiara#cordonia#trr quick thoughts#quick thoughts
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About codes and Gravity Falls
So, when I was watching Gravity Falls, I was faintly aware, kind of, that there were real codes hidden in the series, and that they were solvable. But I wasn’t trying to actually solve them.
Because, with the exceptions of the first few episodes, I marathoned the series in a weekend that I was a little sick. So, I didn’t really want to stop watching to learn about cryptography.
Now, I’m just went to the Gravity Falls wiki, because I don’t have the time to dedicate to rewatch the episodes and solve the codes at this point in my life.
Some of them were so cool. And chilling. Some were just silly. Here are some of my interpretations of my favorites:
STAN IS NOT WHAT HE SEEMS (obvious since the first episode, but still super cool. It kind of combines in our mind with the TRUST NO ONE, message, until we learn the truth anyway)
LIAR MONSTER SNAPPY DRESSER (in Ford’s code) (because apparently Bill is a monster, yes, but he does dress very nicely) (can we talk about how Stan was only able to fool Bill in the end because he was similar to him, in certain aspects? Both showmen, both conmen, also, in the Weirdmageddon, they’re both shown showing off their place, while “dressed nicely”, and using a cane. They can both be very carismathic if need be. They both had a huge impact in Ford’s life. The parallels are there)
THE PORTAL WHEN COMPLETED WILL OPEN A GATEWAY TO INFINITE NEW WORLDS AND HERALD A NEW ERA IN MANKIND’S UNDERSTANDING OF THE UNIVERSE. PLUS, IT WILL PROBABLY GET GIRLS TO START TALKING TO ME FINALLY. (Written in Ford’s code) (The fact this was released in the Gideon Rises episode, 10 episodes before He is Not What He Seems, gives me life. Also, Ford thinking girls will think he is cool because he opened the doors to new dimensions, lol, the nerd) (maybe more girls would talk with you if you weren’t an antisocial mess that prefered to hide yourself in your lab, ever thought of that?) (When the town honestly thought your twin brother was you, because you were the hermit creepy scientist that lived in a cabin hidden in the woods, and no one knew you enough to tell the difference)
I WAS SO BLIND. HE LIED TO ME. THE DARKNESS IS NEAR (my poor boy Ford).
WHY IS WENDY SO PERFECT (poor dipper, lol. Never had a chance)
THE MAN DOWNSTAIRS IS VERY CLEVER
CAN HE HIDE HIS PLANS FOREVER? (This is previous Ford reveal, so its referring to Stan. And considering his machine literally makes things and people float at times, no, he can’t. But, also, I loved the poetry????) (Can I also appreciate the fact our boy is Stan is very clever? Because, I see more of myself in Stan than in Ford. Ford’s genius is natural, he is brilliant right from the get go, while Stan needed a ton of dedication, and effort, but he still managed to learn something he thought was utterly beyond his scope, by himself, and without the help from an abomination like Bill. Sure, it took 30 years, but god, how brilliant).
AM I ME? IS HE ME? (In Ford’s code) (this kind of breaks my heart? Because pre-portal Ford probably can’t trust that a lot of his decisions and ideas were really his own, when his mind and his ideas, and even his relationships, were so influenced for years by Bill. Ford would be a very different person if he never met Bill, is what I’m saying) (Also, installing that metal plate in his head was probably such a relief for him? A sure guarantee that he really was himself, no more external interference).
IMPROPER USE OF MACHINERY COULD
LEAD TO UTTER CATASTROPHE (foreshadows are utterly delightful, ok? And this could reference to both Ford, Stan, and McGucket’s use of machinery. Triple meaning!)
PURE ENERGY, NOT SKIN AND BONE (a little exposition to Bill’s nature, which is always nice)
WE’VE ALL HAD SOME FUN TONIGHT, BUT LET’S NOT FORGET WHO THE REAL "PUPPET MASTERS" ARE: REPTOIDS WHO HAVE INFILTRATED OUR GOVERNMENT (lol)
NO PUPPET STRINGS CAN HOLD ME DOWN
SO PATIENTLY I WATCH THIS TOWN
ABNORMAL SOON WILL BE THE NORM
ENJOY THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM (look, this was even before the portal reveal, and we already know more about what’s going to happen. Foreshadow at its finest! And poetry!)
ALL ANIMATION IS BLACK MAGIC (the animation team probably got a blast out of this one)
IF MY SUSPICIONS ARE CORRECT, THIS IS THE WORK OF FIDDLEFORD. DOES HE REALLY HAVE TO GO TO SUCH GREAT LENGTHS TO FORGET? (The revelation that the author knew Fidds is also made in this episode. But now we learn hints about the events between them, and that the author probably feels regretful about it). (At least, that’s my reading).
JOIN THE TIME PARADOX AVOIDANCE ENFORCEMENT SQUADRON!
GREAT HOURS!
SOLID BENEFITS!
SIGN UP YESTERDAY! (That time the Time Agency tried to make us new recruits).
A STUBBORN TOUGH NEW JERSEY NATIVE
FILBRICK WASN’T TOO CREATIVE
HAVING TWINS WAS NOT HIS PLAN
SO HE JUST SHRUGGED AND NAMED BOTH STAN (this actually made me appreciate Filbrick, a little. Well, it made me laugh).
IT STARTED WITH BAD DREAMS WHICH BECAME NIGHTMARES. I WAS FOOLISH, I WANTED ANSWERS, I PAINTED THE SYMBOLS, I SAID THE WORDS: WHEN GRAVITY FALLS AND THE EARTH BECOMES SKY FEAR THE BEAST WITH JUST ONE EYE. (Another moment that solidifies how Bill manipulated Ford. Promises, and eventually, when that didn’t work, pain and nightmares. Also, Ford reciting the prophecy I believe he first heard from Fidds.) (can I talk about the brilliance of the name of the town being Gravity Falls and then using that for another meaning in the prophecy?) (Also, that a town that weird has a name very sciency to it, referring to a cientific phenomena?)
A SIMPLE MAN WITH EAGER EARS MAY TRUST THE WHISPERS THAT HE HEARS (this is, of course, a reference to Ford. Manly, that the guy wanted so badly to believe in Bill, to believe that even if his dream school didn’t choose him, he was still the special one, the one who would change the world...that he didn’t notice the stranger danger signs one should listen to when meeting energy beings from other dimensions that want to make deals with you. Especially when the deal was entering your mind, whenever he wanted).
IN CIPHER'S GAME HE NEEDS A PAWN
BE SURE TO KNOW WHICH SIDE YOU'RE ON (basically, make sure you and the people around you aren’t being influenced, that you aren’t doing something thinking it’s a normal decision of yours, but it’s actually Bill’s manipulative ways) (could be a reference to Mabel, unknowingly handing Bill the Rift).
CARLA MCCORKLE RETURNED ALL HIS FLOWERS
MARILYN DIVORCED HIM AFTER ONLY SIX HOURS
BEATRICE SLAPPED HIM FOR BEING A CAD
OLD GOLDIE'S THE BEST GIRLFRIEND STAN EVER HAD (LOL, poor Stan)
THE PROPHECY SEEMED FAR AWAY
BUT FINALLY WE'VE REACHED THE DAY.
GIVE UP THE PAST. EMBRACE THE STRANGE
EVERYTHING YOU CARE ABOUT WILL CHANGE (more poetry!! Foreshadowing for the beginning of Weirdmageddon)
IT WILL TAKE 1,000 YEARS FOR TIME BABY'S MOLECULES TO RECONSTITUTE, AND WHEN HE'S BACK, HE'S GOING TO BE VERY CRANKY. (LOL)
GAME IS OVER, AND I WON
NOW IT'S TIME TO START THE FUN
ALWAYS LOVE CORRUPTING LIVES
NOW LET'S SEE WHICH PINES SURVIVES (bill’s dialogue is so fucking ominous, haha. And more poetry!!!)
WHEN ONE GETS TRAPPED INSIDE THE PAST
DREAMS CAN TURN TO NIGHTMARES FAST (this is, I think, a reference to Mabeland? But it’s such a cool phrase in itself, it doesn’t need weird shenanigans to be useful. I can tell it about anyone’s life, haha. It can mean, don’t be too stuck in the past, live the present.)
SOOS LATER FORCED MCGUCKET TO WATCH ALL 900 HOURS OF NEON CRISIS MECHABOT BOY: REVELATIONS (I need fanfic of Soos and Fidds bonding, okay. Maybe I’ll write this fanfic, that it’s dearly missing from the world).
TEN SYMBOLS PLACED AROUND A WHEEL
HAND IN HAND THEY'LL BOND THE SEAL
BUT BREAK THE CHAIN, AND PAY THE COST
THE PROPHECY WILL ALL BE LOST (so, we all know this plan didn’t work out. Which I don’t mind, I liked the ending a lot I cried okay. But still, so cool to think this could have been part of the prophecy in-universe. And to think that Ford’s and Stan’s poor communication skills almost ruined the world).
Those are my favorites, me thinks. I need to leave now, my fellows fans. Bye bye.
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Superhero!Richie and Supervillain!Eddie HC
Author’s Notes: I came up with this idea for a fic, but I am not good at writing action, so if anyone is willing write this . . . you have my blessing. In fact i would be forever grateful. I was thinking of Eddie and Richie having a dynamic similar to Spiderman/Blackcat and Batman/Catwoman, except with two bros. I didn’t come up with their superhero/villain names cause I couldn’t decide on ones. So feel free to name them whatever you want. This is kinda long. Sorry?
Richie’s power set is pretty similar to spiderman (super strength, durability, agility, and speed) but, instead of having spiderwebs or spider-sense, he can produce a supersonic screech (like Black Canary). I think that would pair well with his trashmouth, so he can yell curse words with his supersonic voice.
He was born with his powers, but they didn’t activate/manifest until he was in his teens and had a traumatic event. For him it was when Wentworth had tried to hit him he screamed and discovered he had abilities.
After that is parents didn’t try to abuse him anymore, but they took it to the other extreme and just ignored him all together.
The day he and Bev graduated High School they packed up their shit and moved to New York together.
Bev was the only person, besides his parents, that knew about his abilities. It was actually her idea that Richie start using his power to fight crime.
Bev is a super tech genius bitch (think Barbra Gordon as Oracle) and makes tech for Richie and helps him while he’s out fighting crime. She can see and hear what Richie sees/hears through some goggles she made for him, so she helps him navigate and guides him.
They have been an active crime fighting team for about two years, but they have been keeping a pretty low profile and only defends their neighborhood. Most people aren’t aware of Richie (he’s kinda like an urban legend in his area.)
Eddie’s power set is similar to Black Cat (Super strength, speed, agility, able to leap to great heights and always lands on his feet.) The only difference is that he has a regenerative ability (like Wolverine) so it’s a play off of his “nine lives” and its ironic cause he’s still very much a hypochondriac.
Eddie got his powers through his mom. She was fucking nuts, and fed him real medication and ran experiments on him his entire life. He lived most of his youth as her guinea pig. One night an experiment goes wrong and he develops abilities. She also still emotionally and mentally abused and manipulated him.
As soon as he developed his powers, he used them to escape and run away with his best friends Ben and Mike to NYC. (Coincidentally to Richie’s neighborhood.)
They had already graduated high school, but still were not prepared when they went on the run. They had to resort to a life a burglary to sustain themselves and afford a place to stay. They have a very strict moral code: never hurt anyone, and never steal from the poor or small businesses.
Ben and Mike (now his roommates) play similar roles as Bev. Ben uses his love of architecture to help Eddie plan his heists and is also in his ear/eyes to help him navigate. Mike makes all of Eddie’s tech and trains him in martial arts.
Their first encounter: Eddie was in the middle of a bank heist and accidentally triggered the silent alarm.
Bev picked up on the signal and immediately sent Richie to investigate. As soon as they meet, Richie has an instant attraction and starts to flirt hard.
Bev is like “Okay, focus!!”
Eddie is like WTF? and they start their signature banter and bickering instead of fighting right away.
Ben is like “Okay, you need to get the fuck out of there now!” so Eddie tries to escape, but they are pretty equally matched in speed.
So they start to fight and are also pretty equally matched in strength, but Eddie has combat training and easily bests Richie.
He uses some wire that Mike created to tie up Richie and its made of some super strong metal, so he can’t get out.
Eddie is like “Okay well, it’s gonna look like I’m leaving, but its only cause I’m leaving. I wish I could say I had a good time, but you’re annoying as fuck.”
Richie “Wait, don’t I get a kiss goodbye?”
Eddie “Sorry, I don’t kiss on the first date!”
Richie “First date? Does that mean there’s gonna be a second date?”
Eddie “I sure as fuck hope not!” and with that he gets away.
Ben and Mike are teasing Eddie through their intercom thing and Eddie is like I do NOT like him. He’s annoying! but they know he’s lying.
After that Richie can’t stop thinking about Eddie and every night he goes out he hopes to run into him again.
He’s more shameless with his crush, but Bev is like “You CANNOT have a crush on him! He’s a criminal!”
Richie is conflicted.
Richie and Eddie, as their alter ego, soon start school and end up having some of the same classes at NYU. They don’t recognize each other without their masks on, obviously.
Eddie notices Richie right away and develops a huge crush!
Richie thinks Eddie is cute too, but his heart is with someone else.
Incase you haven’t caught on, Eddie likes pedestrian!Richie, but Richie likes supervillain!Eddie. OOH DRAMA!!!
Richie still flirts with Eddie in class, but doesn’t intend for it to go anywhere.
Eddie doesn’t know this though.
One night out on campus, Eddie is leaving one of his classes and gets attacked by some homophobe. Because of his moral code he doesn’t use his powers to fight back. He just takes it.
He knows it’s not really gonna do anything with his durability and regenerative powers anyways, but it still hurts him emotionally.
That’s when pedestrian!Richie is walking by and catches sight. He runs over and defends Eddie. The homophobe runs away.
Eddie has never had anyone (besides Ben and Mike) defend him and is super touched. He is officially in love.
Richie fells bad and offers to take Eddie out for dinner to cheer him up after getting attacked.
They hit it off and start to hangout outside of class.
Soon after both groups of friends start to hang out and become really good friends.
This is awkward because Eddie and Richie start to run into each other more as their alter egos.(Eddie keeps getting away though.) So they are all fighting each other at night, but also friends during the day. Its all super confusing cause Richie keeps falling harder for supervillain!Eddie and Eddie is falling harder for pedestrian!Richie.
Obviously Ben and Bev are also quickly hitting it off and start a relationship, which only further complicates things. They struggle with deciding whether or not to tell each other about their double lives.
Meanwhile there is a REAL supervillian who is Henry Bowers, but he goes by the name Pennywise. (During the day he looks like Henry, but at night he dresses up as Hennywise, ya feel me?)
His super powers are mind control and telepathy. He can also project illusions and he uses all those powers to make people worst fears come true.
He feed off of other people’s minds, (like Syler from Heroes).
He starts leaving dead people around the city with their brains missing or whatever...and he gets the attention of Richie.
Eddie, on the other hand, got Pennywise/Henry’s attention because of his regenerative abilities. Eddie was like an all you can eat buffet. He could constantly regenerate and feed Pennywise, so he sets out to kidnap him.
The night that Eddie and Richie discover each other’s secret identities is the night that Pennywise succeeds with his plan.
Richie is flirting with Eddie while they are fighting, and says “How do you pack so much rage into such a small body?”
Eddie is like “Funny that’s what a friend asked me once and he has a trashmouth just like you.”
And they freeze when they realize who they really are. Ben and Bev hear the whole thing and are also shocked and upset. (It’s like the Mistletoe scene in Batman Returns with Selina and Bruce)
Before they can say anything to Each other, Pennywise swoops in and takes Eddie.
Richie is like what the hell!?
Ben and Mike lose contact with Eddie, but still have a tracking device on his suit. They know where he is but the can’t do anything to help him, so they decide to ask Richie and Bev for help.
Bev is pissed though and says she is going to report them to the police and REFUSES to help.
Richie on the other hand is really conflicted. He realizes the person that has been in love with him is the same person he has been in love with this whole time. AND HES A CRIMINAL!
He decides to help and goes to rescue Eddie.
When he finds Eddie, he is a mess. Traumatized! He had been forced to live his biggest fears (his mom) and then had his brain/mind eaten over and over.
Richie’s (totally emotional and heartbroken seeing Eddie like this) cups eddie’s face and is like “Eddie look at me! Look at me Eddie!”
He helps Eddie snap out of it and together they defeat Pennywise.
Everything is a mess after that and they decide to take off their masks so they can see each other but also so Ben, Mike, and Bev can no longer spy on them.
They run off on their own for the night to try and figure things out.
Eddie explains his past and why he was stealing. He never wanted to, but had to. He says he wasn’t planning on doing it forever and was trying to get his life back together. That’s why he was going to school full time, and shit.
After seeing Eddie so scared of his mother under Pennywise’s influence, he believes him. He decides to not take Eddie in.
When they return Ben had already explained everything to Bev and they had come to the same conclusion.
They work everything out and become a huge crime fighting team.
Stan and Bill
Don’t think I forgot about these bitches.
They are a partner cops and are totally used as comedic relief. [Like Seth Rogan and Bill Hader in Superbad.]
They are constantly chasing after both Richie and Eddie, but never catch them.
They are also the ones that always discover the crime scenes that Pennywise leaves behind.
They are investigating the case.
But never get anywhere.
One night Eddie protects them from Pennywise.
Thats how Pennywise meets Eddie and learns about his regenerative ability.
That’s also how Stan and Bill realize Eddie isn’t a bad person.
They witness the huge fight with Pennywise, but don’t help. I mean what can they do?
By the end of it all they profess their love for each other and start dating.
They help Eddie and Richie cover their track and start working with them too.
The End, bitches. It turns out this is going to be the actual plot for Chapter 2. Andy brought me on to write and develop it for him. So when 2019 comes around ya’ll better have your laces glued gown cause we’re coming for your wigs.
#Reddie#reddie imagine#eddie kaspbrak#richie tozier#superhero!richie#Supervillain!Eddie#beverly marsh#stan uris#bill denbrough#mike hanlon#ben hanscom#the loser's club#it movie part chapter 1 one 2 two#stephen king's it#Jack Dylan Grazer#finn wolfhard#sophia lillis#Wyatt Oleff#jaden lieberher#Chosen Jacobs#fic#headcannon#reddieaddict
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ayy its ya girl c! i’ve done up a little draft with the slight changes that were made now that we’re living in the moden au!! please read more for ... more.
DESMOND SAYRE
monty might not love social media and technological advances but they changed his life. his family still sucked, always grasping for power and rejecting change, but at least he didn’t feel as alone... not when he could text his friends and get immediate answers back from them. not having the time to dwell and sink in self pity really helped him.
ya boy also didn’t have to live his life thinking something was wrong with him bc he wasn’t sexually attracted to people like he was supposed to. he had access to google, he learned what asexuality and the spectrum was, and he knew more about himself and didn’t have to just ... not know. i think this made him sleep around less, get to know people a bit more, and while he’s still not an open kind of guy he didn’t really date much. it did however mean he stayed with laurel way longer than he should have... put up with way more crazy than he would have in the past.
he has instagram but never posts. seriously, he has one post from a year ago. he does like things though and is always commenting on posts. sometimes nice, sometimes not. he doesn’t have facebook, twitter, youtube, or snapchat. he thinks the snapchat filters are dumb and ruin perfectly good pictures. he also hates selfies and thinks they’re dumb. why does he even have insta? it’s probably the only way to stay up to date on hogwarts gossip.
i do think because everything online can be so negative, and escalate so quickly, monty never would have came out and admitted that he was bisexual/demisexual except to the people he’s told in canon. it’s still something he plans on taking to his grave and obliviating out of anyone who knew. the gay shame is real. get a grip boy.
i think he’s definitely got the aesthetic of like... the guy with gauges in his ears, maybe he has his eyebrow pierced, and he definitely still has the nipple piercing. i think he probably has more tattoos, exclusively wears leather jackets, combat boots, and ripped jeans, and wears a lot of plain colored shirts or black shirts. he still loves black. he will always love black. he wears a lot of it.
he hasn’t appropriated a lot of muggle culture into his day to day. i feel like he only got a phone in the last year and is awful at remembering to check it. it’s probably an older model too because he didn’t care what they gave him and it’s slate grey with no case because he lives on the edge. yolo. he doesn’t have any muggle cars or anything like that but he definitely has a netflix account and television because why not. his favorite show would probably be something like the good place.
ya boy still flunked out of hogwarts because that’s just how his life goes. he’s repeating his final year and you bet ya ass people tweeted about THAT for awhile. we love vague tweeting.
PHOENIX VASQUEZ
phoenix’s childhood is still relatively the same; he was adopted by the vasquez family. however, adopting wasn’t as easy as it had been back in the day because lycanthropy wasn’t as frowned upon in this decade as it would have been before. while people didn’t love it, it wasn’t something that meant no other family was interested, or other people weren’t willing to bend red tape. which means nix didn’t move around as much as a kid because his parents were able to keep working at their jobs in the states!! they only moved to the UK when he was fifteen as his grandmother was sick. so basically he moved to and started going to hogwarts in year 5 instead of year 1.
personality wise, nix is very similar. he’s still very awkward, very quiet, and is a genuinely nice person to everyone he meets. he’s more often about his lycanthropy as his parents never begged him to keep it a secret and it’s not uncommon for him to be making werewolf jokes at his own expense. he thinks it’s funny.
technology!! nix loves snapchat. he’s not huge on technology bc he’s kind of a hipster -- he still uses ballpoint pens and notebooks, doesn’t own a computer and only has a dinky phone that texts and calls. no data. he can only use snapchat when he’s near a wifi hotspot so you’ll sometimes see him getting frustrated with his phone when it starts buffering and flopping. he DOES borrow a friend’s computer to upload podcasts though because he’s a podcaster!!! he has a podcast called ‘howlcast’ and he does reviews of mainstream media depictions of werewolves and compares them to the reality. he also interviews lycanthropy specialists, advocates, and famous lycanthropes to talk about the werewolf experience. he kind of loves it?? he puts out an episode a week and does a Q&A on twitter straight after the episode goes up for any fans of the podcast.
nix doesn’t have a luxury broom or any of those fancy toys that the rich kids usually sport. he likes his regular ‘ol magical broomstick and doesn’t think a suped up car is something that he needs in his life. he good.
modern 2018 phoenix also died his hair a bluey teal color! he thought it was fun and tbh he is living his best life.
LAUREL DIAN
laurel’s family aspire to be the kardashians. they have a b level reality show, think something on tlc so they have their little cult following that laurel l o v e s. she loves the attention and loves the perks that come with it.
her aesthetic is probably like.. forever 21 / hipster / hippe chick. she wears a lot of crop tops, high waisted skirts, floral prints, lace, etc. everything .. and i mean everything ... is accentuated with red lipstick. that’s her aesthetic x 100. she has an iphone with a bedazzled phone case and probably drives a really compact car. her broom would be luxury too and she’s definitely on tinder select looking for cute boys (or girls) to bring home with her.
as for social media.. she has her hand in a lot of different platforms. she prefers facebook over most of the other ones. she also loves pinterest and is always pinning home decor ideas, cooking ideas, etc. she’s a feminist and sjw when it comes to twitter. it’s not uncommon to see her beefing with someone on twitter because they’re trolling or being rude/racist/sexist/etc. she loves tearing people a new asshole when they decide to spread their hate online. fuck off trolly boys.
she’s been in two high profile relationships in her life. the first was with monty sayre and that was a fucking nightmare. a lot of their relationship was caught on screen and its cringey whenever people tweet her pictures of monty and his new fiancee, or share photos of the two of them from when they were together. she might have dumped him but that doesn’t mean that she wants to be reminded of it all the time
she still works with dragons and they are frequently featured on her instagram, snapchat, and on the show. some of them even have their own little cult followings. its weird but kind of beautiful,
PIPPA CARSTAIRS
pippa being born in the 2000′s is the best thing that ever happened to her. truly. britney? christina? pink? oh my god she’s living. she loves pop music, loves concerts, and has a passion for professional cheerleading bc it's a legitimate sport now y’all! it’s her dream to be a professional cheerleader. maybe in the magical world if quidditch has them now?? we just dont know.
her aesthetic is blair waldorf chic. maybe a little more revealing. she definitely still wears heels, ignores dress codes, and always has her hair straightened perfectly. she is very very good with makeup -- think contouring and all that jazz. she looks like a million bucks literlly every day. it’s incredible.
pippa has a luxury car. i’m thinking it’s probably an suv?? she definitely would want something bigger and not your typical girly girl car. i’m thinking a black cadillac escalade. she doesn’t have a broom bc she still hates flying and heights. fuck that shit. as for technology, she’s got it all -- snapchat, twitter, instagram, youtube, etc. she also definitely has a youtube channel dedicated to beauty tutorials and has thousands of dedicated viewers. she’s done everything from contouring, costume make-up, etc. her channel is especially popular around halloween as she does a special called ‘the twelve days of pippaween’ where she does different costume makeup every day for 12 days. her most popular to date is ursula from the little mermaid! she also definitely has the latest iphone, macbook, etc, and it’s probably all rose gold. she’s a rose gold girl.
currently in the middle of an instagram war with her ex boyfriend. they’re both shady as fuck with their vague posting on finstas and it’s mESSY. we love a good mess!!!!! (this good be a good wanted connection if someone wanted to be her messy ex for the AU!!)
ALARIC ROWLE
i feel like wizards having access to technology changed things significantly for rowle. he was able to track down his birth father’s parents much easier and probably moved back to the UK when he was much younger. he definitely learned more about the war and was drawn into anyone whose narrative reflected what he wanted to hear -- that his parents were martyrs and that the dark lord had been in the right the whole time.
he definitely kept dueling. when his hand acted up, i think he would have been so desperate to fix it that he would have given into muggle medicines and treatments. he probably wears a splint on his wrist and his wandwork isn’t AS quick as it could be but he’s still one of the top duelists in the country. seriously, ya boy was good. him getting to continue being awesome might make him less of a douche. maybe. he definitely competes bc glory and loves every minute of it. a rowle who is less grumpy and super cocky? we stan.
he’s definitely a reddit troll. i feel like there’s a death eaters subreddit or something and he basically lives there and talks to other death eater sympathizers, former, or whatever, and slowly await the return of the ‘great days’. think alt right but .. y’know magical.. ugly.
he still teaches dada bc initially he needed money to pay off some wicked crazy medical bills for all the specialists and acupuncture and weird shit he did to fix his hands. even with the money he earns when he’s duelling, he’s in debt up to his ears.
i think he still has the scars that marr his face though bc as much as he will use splints or salves on his hands he is not gonna fucking undergo plastic surgery in the muggle world. he’d rather choke.
ANSEM WARBECK
ansem warbeck deserves social media. he is living his best life. he is definitely the guy who is constantly using ‘find my iphone’ bc he lost it, has a cracked screen because he forgot to buy the shatterproof screen protector, and changes his netflix password weekly bc he can never remember what it was. he’s also the snapchat king. i’d say he has 100+ streaks with as many people as he can convince to keep it up and he sends angry snaps when you ruin his streaks. they’re like his babies. one time he was running a fever and still managed to make streaks. there’s no excuse.
he still works as a curse breaker but i feel like he’s really like... stepped up gringott’s social media game. i feel like he took it upon himself to get them an instagram and is always uploading picture of whatever ‘cool’ treasure they can find. griphook keeps telling him they’re going to get robbed if he doesn’t stop bragging but ansem never listens.
the warbeck family is probably one of the few that have not acclimated to the technological changes at all. they won’t have anything to do with electricity, social media, or anything of the sort and look down on people that do. so ansem with his luxury brooms and his waffle iron are basically sacreligious to his family and his mom always cries whenever he talks about these things. it’s a whole Thing and just reinforces that arson is the best and ansem is the Worst.
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The Signs as Characters from ‘BRIDESMAIDS’
Annie Walker - Taurus
Bridesmaids is a hilarious and groundbreaking female-driven comedy about addiction and friendship, two things Tauruses know how to do very well. They are loyal and committed people whose reputation as the most boring sign of the zodiac is forgiven for also being the best friends you will ever find on this fucking planet, and they KNOW this dammit!! They wear their friendships like purple hearts, but it also means they can easily get stuck in a rut and indulge in self-destructive habits like fucking terrible people and matching red shoes with red nail polish when the waves get rough. Not to mention it could take years (or a very messy rock bottom) before these bulls get the wake up call they need to make a positive change in their lives, as evidenced by Annie failing to do any of this until Melissa McCarthy literally bites her in the ass while watching Castaway, a movie I am SURE she has seen at least five times.
They can also be territorial and possessive. While Annie may seem like that down-to-earth, low-maintenance girl who side eyes women that wear $8,000 evening gowns to an afternoon engagement party, on the inside she is a red-faced toddler crossing her arms and stamping her feet because Mom won’t let her play with the iPad. Or, in this case, because her best friend since CHILDHOOD (seriously, who still has friends from childhood? TAURUSES, bitches! + people from the Midwest) is getting married and has, like many grown ass adults sometimes do, ~made another friend~. Suddenly, Annie is forced to, without prior knowledge or consent, confront the bull’s biggest fear: change. Which is a big fat scary no no for a masochistic Taurus who would rather pursue subpar fucks than make baked goods with an emotionally literate Scottish bae. Tauruses like Things As They Are even when they don’t, and Annie Walker is no exception. We stan a true Taurus queen.
Sorry, Libras. Branding the antagonist of the movie as one may seem counterintuitive for a sign whose entire identity revolves being nice and fair to EVERYONE and liking EVERYONE and getting along with EVERYONE, but that’s exactly why Helen Harris III wins the coveted title of Passive Aggressive Shithead Who Reminds You of 30% Of Your High School: everyone loves her, everyone wants to be her, and who can blame them? As a wise Jeff Winger once said, nerds go to space to impress the people who wore leather jackets in high school.
And Helen Harris is beautiful. She can pull off wearing an $8,000 evening gown to an afternoon engagement party (almost) without coming off like an asshole. Helen Harris can book spontaneous bridal salon fittings. Helen Harris could eat that fucking cookie (Annie could never). Even if it means gaslighting a woman out of a wedding party, getting bullied by bratty white kids or marrying David Wallace, Libras don’t know who they are without the bliss of knowing their personal brand of outward bullshit is loved and admired by all, even if that means suppressing their true feelings until their next tennis sesh at the Milwaukee country club. Helen proves this when she ugly cries to a woman she socially tormented for the better part of a year, and also proves this when she arranges for Annie’s emotionally literate Scottish bae to pick her up after the wedding. You can’t convince me otherwise.
Lillian - Virgo
It’s easy to put Virgos in that Friends Who Have Their Shit Together box, even if underneath that facade they are literally dying inside. But this is what I love about Lillian, who is yes, obviously a Virgo. Lillian is getting married to the man she loves. She curated a bridal party that genuinely knows and loves her. She gets someone like Helen to simp for her. So yes, she is that classic Virgo who doesn’t judge you for not having your shit together but also would never, ever forgive herself for sinking that low.
But Lillian also manages to laugh when she comes out wearing that Abominable Snowman of a wedding dress. She shits on the street and lives to tell the tale. She is able to make hard choices and set boundaries with her best friend. Lillian doesn’t judge people out of insecurity, because she knows who she is and accepts it.
I’d like to think there is a Virgo out there, punishing herself because she applied to three jobs instead of two that day, who sees a Lillian and realizes there is a future where she can be a #BossBitch without committing her entire life to proving it to herself and others. I’d like to think there’s a Virgo out there who sees Lillian and realizes she doesn’t have to let her friend copy her homework answers for the fourth consecutive math test because no, she isn’t responsible for her lazy friend’s inability to study ahead of time. Lillian is the representation Virgos desperately need - not just because she is a badass woman, but because she is happy. She is a role model for all of us, and you can’t get more Virgo than that.
Megan - Aries
This was a hard one. On the one hand, Megan is weird. But let’s be real, an Aquarius could never be entrusted with the codes to every nuke buried underneath the United States. They would take those codes and use it to yeet Mark Zuckerberg out of his 100 million dollar Palo Alto estate within the first hour of signing their W-2 form. No, Megan may be unapologetically Megan as shit, but it’s not because she’s an Aquarius. She’s bold, and forward, and unapologetically Aries.
Which is odd, considering that an Aries and a Taurus together is, well... an unlikely friendship combo. Both signs are strong-willed and stubborn as hell, but in a way that makes them want to declare war on each other’s egos, not inspire the other into becoming better people. But then again, maybe that’s why their friendship works. Where Annie throws an empty compliment at an overdressed woman she’s already decided she hates, Megan expresses a desire to climb a man five minutes upon meeting Annie. Where Annie sits on a couch watching Castaway instead of addressing her issues the way 35 year old women probably should have learned to do by now, Megan bites ass and reminds her of this this. Where Annie HOLDS IN VOMIT UNTIL SHE HAS DRIVEN MILES AWAY FROM A BRIDAL SALON, Megan shits right into that refurbished marble sink without a second thought. Get where I’m going with this? Megan does what Annie doesn’t, which sometimes is exactly what a Taurus needs to get out of their rut of self-pity. But of course, Megan doesn’t just exist to provide emotional labor to lazy Earth signs. She is an individual truly living her best life, and we love for her for it. Aries women slap like no other.
Rita - Scorpio
Brutally honest and a sexual goddess. What more can you expect from an unhappily married Scorpio? Rita is bold, sexy, and dramatic, who knows how to pack the punches so quick and dirty she can turn a Disney-obsessed woman child into a drunken bisexual as she sips her martini on a first class ticket she bought with her asshole of a husband’s tax fraud money. After all, who else besides a Scorpio would tell a woman she hasn’t seen since high school that her very own flesh and blood masturbated a blanket into oblivion? Scorpios are dark, brooding, and know when they are being taken for granted. Nowhere is this better exemplified than when Rita spills the piping hot tea on her shitty family that can’t see her for the goddess she truly is. Rita, you deserve better.
Becca - Pisces
Erin Kemper has a long history of playing maladaptively naive characters, but I will bet my next unemployment check that Erin based her performance of Becca entirely off a Pisces description she found on Cafeastrology.com. Because there is literally nothing more Pisces than Becca. The hair, the clothes, the willingness to go through hospital levels of self-sanitization for her husband so that she can finally bone? Trying to convince herself she’s also too tired so that she doesn’t have to admit to herself that her husband is an emotionally and sexually unavailable failure of a man who can’t give her what she needs until she experiences a sexual awakening 2,000 miles up in the air with her Scorpio biffle??? Yup. Pisces to a P.
Rhodes - Cancer
Aww, Rhodes. So sweet. So awkward. Why did they have to make you a cop?
Can we talk about why it is that almost every leading man who is emotionally mature and secure in his masculinity ALWAYS seems to elicit Cancerous vibes, even if they’re clearly not a Cancer? Actual Cancer men, take note. Rhodes pursues respectfully. He calls, even after Annie doesn’t call back. Rhodes attempts exposure therapy on a woman he has had sex with once. Rhodes WOULD get ghosted by 80% of the women he meets on dating apps (including Annie, let’s be real), and we love him for it. Because cancers are just that loving and loyal! So yes, we can excuse him for getting a stick up his butt sometimes when someone drops a perfectly biodegradable vegetable on the ground. He more than makes up for it.
Annie’s mom - Gemini
Geminis are either terrible or the best people you’ll ever meet, and Annie’s mom is one of the rare few that falls into that in-between category of chaotic good, adorable Gemini doing her best not to drive everyone she’s ever loved away with what little self-awareness she has about her Gemininess. Annie’s mom is bubbly, chatty, and queen of the chisme. She uses logic to justify calling her ex husband’s wife a whore, and talks like she has a doctorate degree in the unsolicited advice she offers her daughter. Until at least, she’s introduced to a sweet man, and all that logic and wordiness melts away into a gooey puddle of all those emotions she likes to think she’s above.
Bryn - Aquarius
There are a lot of stand out heroines in this movie, but none of them beat the comedic genius that is Bryn, an incestuous roommate Annie probably dug up from Craiglist’s seventh circle of hell. Aquari are trail blazing, unconventional, and friendly enough to distract you from the fact that their brain cells came from aliens. Bryn is no exception. Even an impulsive Aries would look at the opportunity to get an offensively tacky tattoo in the back of a van and think, “I’ll get Starbucks instead.” But an Aquarius thrives on making people uncomfortable with their Society Has To Catch Up To Me complex, and Bryn is no exception. After all, if they’re not scandalizing their depressed roommate with xenophobic tattoos and baths with their brother, then who even are they? A sheep, that’s who.
13 year old - Sagittarius
This specific breed of popular mean girl is either a Gemini or Sagittarius. I have nothing to back up this claim, but watching that horrible girl verbally spar her way into getting a 35 year old woman fired from a jewelry store is enough to turn me into a believer. That’s why it was so hard to pinpoint a sign for her. On one hand, this girl is probably responsible for the social anxiety of at least a dozen ex-BFFs. She also clearly knows how to use words to make someone wish they had never been born, so I can accept that this insecure adult’s worst nightmare has a few placements of mercurial badassery in her chart.
But the truth hurts, and no one knows how to finesse the truth like a Sag, who either doesn’t know what they’re doing when they tell a customer service rep they have no boobs, or they know exactly. Anyway, don’t project your friendship drama onto an undeveloped Sagittarius child, Annie. Or tell them they’re going to be pregnant at their prom (yikes). You do not know what you’re getting yourself into.
Annie’s Mystery Man - Capricorn
The sports jacket. The pipe. The vibes. This guy probably cured cancer back in the day and still hated himself for not figuring it out until he was 30. You could also totally tell he was sizing Annie up to see if she met his expectations of People Worth His Time (she didn’t). Capricorn man, you are right. None of us deserve you. RIP Hugh Dane.
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Karlie Kloss' Express Runway Show Featured Women of All Races and Ethnicities
Growing up, Karlie Kloss couldn't find jeans that fit — and had to wear tall boots to disguise her high-waters. The supermodel even admits to feeling "body envy" for her sisters, who had shorter, curvier frames. "I was always the flat, tall, skinny girl in the room and they were curvy. And I was always so insecure about that," she tells Teen Vogue. "In my house, we were all different shapes and sizes and eventually, we learned to embrace our own uniqueness. That's when you truly start to shine." With that journey toward body confidence in mind, she created a line of wardrobe staples for Express that "flatters different shapes" — from high-waisted trousers that complement her own tall figure to a fitted pencil skirt inspired by her sister's curves. A collaboration with celebrity stylist Karla Welch, the 17-piece capsule brings Karlie's unique brand of model-off-duty dressing to the masses. It ranges from $25 for a fitted t-shirt to $168 for a reversible bomber jacket.
On Thursday (Mar. 30), Karlie returned to the site of her first runway show at 13-years-old — the Pageant Theater in St. Louis, Missouri — to debut her collaboration with Express. Fans filed into the venue for a chance to meet the supermodel-turned-business mogul, who also runs a coding scholarship program for teen girls, Kode With Klossy, and launched a vegan baked goods collab with Momofuku Milk Bar. Alongside the fashion show, the audience enjoyed a performance by Charli XCX and a DJ set by Hannah Bronfman.
It was important to Karlie to send a diverse group of women down the runway. She hosted a national competition to scout non-models for the show, and tapped women of all races and ethnicities — including Tiara Sevon Cook, a military service member with short natural hair, and Mattea Linea, a local photographer born in South Korea. On Karlie's runway, Summer Albarcha became the second hijab-wearing model to walk in a major fashion show since Halima Aden at Fall 2017 Fashion Week. The significance of that moment wasn't lost on Summer, a modest fashion blogger based in St. Louis. "Growing up, I rarely saw anyone who dressed like I do in magazines or on television, so I feel very proud and grateful to have been able to walk in Karlie's show," Summer told Teen Vogue. "I hope to be able to bridge the gap between mainstream and modest fashion for my sisters around the world." With recent reports about models being discriminated against for their race, size, gender identity, and hair texture, it's more important than ever that diverse casting becomes the norm and not the exception.
Karlie is hopeful that the industry is progressing in the right direction. "I want more inclusivity in fashion, and for me, it's important to stand for that," she said. Ahead, get your first look at Karlie's collection — alongside her tips for making it in fashion, embracing your body, taking the best selfies, and so much more.
Teen Vogue: I heard you walked in this venue for a runway show when you were 13!
Karlie Kloss: It's a total full-circle moment for me. This is where it all began. It was 11 years ago. I remember distinctly how it all went down, and how nervous I was. It was a big charity runway show and the whole community bought tickets. It was to benefit my friend's family because her Dad had cancer. I was not anticipating starting a career, or thinking about modeling or fashion whatsoever.
I got cast at the mall, in an open casting. I remember — even at that point — the people who worked with me would say 'Karlie, you have this unique walk. Usually, we're telling girls how to walk and changing their walk but we're just going to let you do your thing.' And it's so funny because I never felt like I was doing anything different. And at 15, I went to New York City for a weekend, and got booked to walk for Calvin Klein. And that's when my career began full-time.
TV: Looking back, what advice would you give that 13-year-old girl now after you've accomplished so much in the industry?
KK: You have no idea what's ahead. Just you wait! Just buckle down and enjoy every minute of it. I'd tell myself to not overthink things, not to take yourself too seriously. As girls, we can be so hard on our ourselves. We're so self-critical. So I'd say, self-love is key and just enjoy the moment.
TV: How did this collaboration with Express come about?
KK: My sisters, friends and I grew up locally here [in St. Louis], and Express was definitely a destination that I would shop at for back-to-school shopping. In the past few years, in my modeling career, I've worked with Express on my campaigns as a creative consultant. A year ago, we started this conversation about designing a collection together. I wanted it to be super authentic to the pieces I love most in my wardrobe. I wanted to design the ultimate staples that my sisters and friends could benefit from, pieces that can be dressed up and down, worn at work or just hanging out with your girls.
I worked really closely with Karla Welch, my stylist, to think through how to create simple pieces with a little bit of an edge. Express has been an amazing partner to take these designs and make them on a large scale and flatter all different shapes. Even in my house, my sisters and I are all different heights and shapes and sizes.
TV: What are your thoughts on how the industry is progressing in terms of diversity and representation?
KK: I grew up with sisters with different body types. I've always had body envy of my sisters because they always had curves. I was always the flat, tall, skinny girl in the room, and I was always so insecure about that. Even when I began my modeling career, and was successful because of my tall, lanky body, I was still insecure. I'd come back to St. Louis and my sisters had these curves and all this different texture hair, and I always felt so Plain Jane. And I was so jealous of them. You always want what you don't have.
But, I don't think that there's 'one size that fits all' in the fashion industry. There's so much beauty in uniqueness. I want more inclusivity in fashion, and for me, it's important to stand for that. On our runway, we have girls of all backgrounds. And that's what I find beautiful. When people embrace their own uniqueness, and have confidence, they shine the best. The industry has gotten better over the past 10 years, but we still have a lot of progress to make, especially in terms of diversity on the runway. I'm definitely starting to see small steps in the right direction.
TV: Is there one piece from the collection that you especially love?
KK: I love a high-waisted trouser. So, for me, this is just such a staple. I love a boss lady pant and boss lady pantsuit. I have a white and a black matching blazer and high-waisted trouser. We have two reversible bombers, and it's like 2 jackets for the price of 1. I love the retro summer dresses. They're super effortless: there's a red one, and one in a black-and-white polka dot print. Those you can dress up with heels and a red lip, or you can wear them with sneakers, which is totally my vibe.
TV: Speaking of your vibe, you've created your own brand of model-off-duty dressing. How would you describe your personal style?
KK: I'm really true to myself, and I'm really simple. I love pieces that are comfortable because I live a busy life — running from class, to work, to the airport, catching up with friends. I love my Stan Smiths. I live in my sneakers because I'm 6'2"! I hope my style is chic and timeless, but with a little bit of an edge. And I love a mini skirt and a mini dress. Now that it's starting to get somewhat warmer, I say get those legs out.
TV: What's one trend you'd never wear?
KK: I'm always up for trying new things but I'd never wear a flood pant or a drop-crotch pant because I'm so tall. There's certain things I know wouldn't work for my body.
TV: What would your fans be surprised to learn about you?
KK: There's a lot of random, weird things about me, including my love of coding and general nerdiness. That fact shocked a few people I'm sure. Also, I'm really amazing at selfies. My tips are to always find natural light whenever possible. Whenever I take a picture, I find the first window. And I tilt the camera up above your head and find my angle. I've perfected the lighting technique. Oh! And always, always hit the side button. (x)
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Episode 2: Slugbug
Unfortunately, none of Dipper's questions for the triangle were answered. This was probably due to the fact that Dipper didn't see said triangle for several days, which led his mind to uneasy conclusions- had Bill escaped? Was he back in Gravity Falls and terrorizing everyone? Was he dead? Was Dipper possessed and he just didn't know it-
It also didn't help that Dipper had been having the exact same “dream” every night since the All-Mart incident. He was hesitant to call it an actual dream, sans quotation marks, because nothing really happened- he just found himself in a coniferous forest, alone, for hours on end until he woke up. The entire experience led Dipper to wonder if he was slowly losing his mind. The only proof he had that the All-Mart attack had ever happened was a headline reporting the “Largest Shoplifting Heist of the Century”, listing a number of objects that mysteriously vanished into thin air on September fourteenth.
Of course, nobody knew what had actually happened except Dipper… until now.
“-and that's why everything up and vanished the same day we were there,” he explained. “They literally…” he extended his arm, “walked out.”
Mabel blinked. “So Bill is…”
“I don't know where,” Dipper admitted. “And not knowing is killing me because what if he's murdering people back in Gravity Falls-”
“Oh, he's not,” Mabel said confidently.
“How would you know?”
“I have my ways.” Mabel held up her phone. “Also Candy and Grenda and me made a pact to keep each other updated on the Gravity Falls-Piedmont life 24/7, down to the exact detail, no questions asked. I just typed out your whole Bill monologue and-”
“-don’t send that!” Dipper grabbed the phone, “Mabel, are you crazy?”
“Am I crazy?” Mabel pointed a finger at him. “You're the one that made a deal with a resurrected demon that tried to kill us all.”
“I didn't have a choice-” Dipper said quickly, deleting the message. “Grunkle Ford was counting on me to take care of this because any other option would’ve resulted in an essential perpetual death for at least one person or a literal death for the entire universe!”
“Okay, Mister Let’s-Save-the-Universe over here. Don’t forget that I helped too!”
“Technically neither of u-”
Mabel reached forward and put her finger over his mouth. “Shh...” Dipper scowled. “I understand that you've got that whole conspiracy craving and would probably explode if you couldn’t explain why bigfoot is cthulhu- because I am a caring and loving sister- but… really, Dipper, are you sure this is a good idea?”
Dipper glanced up. “...I don't think there's a better idea,” he said slowly. “But there's nothing I can do about it now- Stan and Ford are probably in the middle of the ocean, and if I went back to Gravity Falls, Bill could probably find his body and start using magic again-”
“Again? I thought you said that in the store he waved his arms wildly and turned a bunch of eggs against you? Using magic?”
Dipper glanced at the wall. “Okay, so, I don't know how it works. Entirely.”
“At all.” Mabel took her phone back.
Dipper rubbed his arm. “Just- I thought I should tell you. Everyone kept too many secrets in Gravity Falls, so the more that's out in the open, the better, at this point.”
Mabel blinked. “Does that mean we should tell Mom and Dad?”
“Uhhh- no. Not… not right now. They'd freak out.”
“This sounds like the premise for an American children’s cartoon!” Mabel grinned, “Mason Pines came home from summer break with a lot of strange souvenirs, but the strangest one is a triangle with a bizarre sense of humor and great fashion sense-”
“That sounds like a show that would try and make Bill likable,” Dipper pointed out. “Too out of character.”
“ATTENTION: THIS IS THE LAST HELICOPTER OUT OF VIETNAM! GET ON BOARD OR REMAIN STRANDED!”
“COMING, DAD!!” Mabel shouted back, grabbing her backpack. Dipper got up and slung his over his shoulder, brushing his hair over his forehead- he wasn't about to take Wendy's hat into a public school, one of the most hazardous places for any material object. Besides, hats were technically against the dress code - not that he had cared in previous years - but hey, at least this was a decent excuse.
The twins headed downstairs to find the house empty save for Waddles, who was napping on the couch, and a note from their mother on the table saying that she would be back in the afternoon; she was probably hanging upside down from a redwood, trying to photograph of a colony of bats. They grabbed their lunchboxes as they darted for the door, Mabel taking a second to slip in a previously-vetoed bottle of Mabeljuice. Outside was the second car, fondly nicknamed The Bug by Mabel, and in the driver's seat was their dad.
Forrest Pines was roughly the height of a flagpole and had nearly the same dimensions, which meant that compressing himself into The Bug involved a lot of doubling over. Dipper would have sworn on his life that his father didn't wear anything but sweater-vests and only combed the back of his hair. Mabel would have sworn on her life that Forrest was an alien from planet Cybernoodle who planned on taking over the earth by hacking RCVs everywhere.
“Who's ready for school?” Forrest called as Mabel hopped over the typical suburban lawn flamingo and into the car; Dipper chose to walk around the flamingo. The flamingo had been Forrest’s idea, and Cassidy had never acknowledged its existence.
“Ready for KNOWLEDGE!” Mabel shouted, slamming the door.
Dipper glanced at her. “Knowledge?”
“Yeah, genius- of the new kids- new kids, new friends, am I right or am I right-”
“You're left,” Forrest pointed out. The Bug pulled onto the road and set a course for Piedmont Public Schools.
Dipper glanced out the window. He couldn't shake the nagging feeling that Bill was too close for comfort- even though he was nowhere to be seen. What that meant, he didn't know, but he didn't like the weight it left on his mind.
After a few minutes of dissonance with Mabel, Forrest, and the radio, The Bug rolled to a stop in front of the school- the twins wasted no time gathering their stuff and getting out of the car.
Forrest leaned out the window. “What, no “first day of high school” trauma? No existential dread or questions about moving up the social rank?”
“We kinda sorta already had that kerfluffle over the summer,” Mabel said. “Ha. Kerfluffle.”
“We’ll be fine, Dad,” Dipper told him.
Forrest frowned. “Hey, you're not wearing a hat today.”
Oh no- he was going to ask about the lucky hat Dipper had had at the beginning of the year- the one that had met its premature demise to a pack of angry gnomes. Dipper braced himself. “Well-”
“Good for you,” Forrest said. Dipper blinked. “We call that character development.” He patted Dipper on the head.
“Aha, right…”
“Well, don't murder anyone! Bye kids!”
“Bye-”
“Bye Dad!”
The Bug sped off into the distance, leaving two eighth graders on a yet-to-be trampled public school lawn.
Dipper didn't necessarily enjoy school. Not that he didn't enjoy learning; gaining knowledge was how he built up his collection of conspiracies. But Dipper could have written an eight-page essay on why the school system did a very poor job of actually teaching anything. He also could have written an essay on the lack of supervision in the classroom or work ethic from the staff, or how being expected to socialize with people he would never see outside of school was counterintuitive- but these weren't the biggest reasons Dipper disliked the school experience. No, that award went to the spiked levels of sheer acrimony that hung around the school like a forced metaphor.
Yeah, okay, maybe the bullied nerd trope was overdone. That didn't change the fact that Dipper was, in fact, a bullied nerd. This year he planned to change that- the honors/regular class split started this year. With any luck, he'd leave the aggressors of the past behind and start a brand new year of education and-
-someone tripped him.
Because that wasn't cliche.
Dipper stumbled to regain his balance and half the pile of books he was holding slid onto the floor. His face was red- he couldn't tell if anyone was laughing, but it definitely felt like it. He crouched and picked up the books; off to a great start.
“Didn't see you all summer, Dipstick!” someone shouted. Dipper closed his eyes. “Did you run away to cry somewhere else-”
Dipper kept walking. That was one time- well, maybe several. He'd been perfectly fine over summer- maybe because he had gotten the chance to make his own impression. But everyone here already knew him as the kid with the dumb name, no friends, and who was prone to crying. His legacy.
The honors/regular split had also led to an unexpected consequence; he no longer shared any classes with Mabel, who preferred talking with friends rather than studying with them. Since Forrest had dropped them off, in fact, he didn't really see her at all. This meant the majority of his day was spent either being ignored and alone or having to listen to “dipstick” get shouted across the room, which by now wasn't insulting so much as annoying. The reality was setting in that, without Mabel around, they wouldn’t be watching each other’s backs. This could end up being the worst school year of his life.
He really should've taken Ford's offer, Dipper thought as he scribbled in the margins of the first-day handouts. At least then he'd be spending his day doing something he actually cared about with someone he actually looked up to- it would've been better than coming back to this mess. And now all he had to show for his poor decision was a missing demon and a sister who caused the apocalypse.
“...what?”
“Pines, is there something you'd like to add?”
Dipper blinked. “No, I'm just-”
“Then I suggest you join the rest of the class in sitting in silence.”
Dipper sank down in his seat. Mabel didn't have anything to do with Weirdmageddon… unless you counted getting locked in a prison bubble. And you know, making a selfish deal trading something that wasn't even hers for her own personal gain.
Dipper focused in on the desk. Okay, where was this coming from- he wasn't supposed to be an idiot, you’d think he could put this together. He pressed a hand to his head. Was he hallucinating? Was he so tired from those repetitive dreams that he was starting to imagine things? Maybe he needed a break- from the planet-
“Bill-”
It was nice to know he could do basic logic. Dipper gripped the edge of his desk. Where was he- why was his train of thought being constantly interrupted like this- as if he would tell him-
“Shut up-!”
“Pines.”
Dipper sank down. “Sorry,” he mumbled.
“Would you like to step outside for a little bit to calm down?”
No. “Yes.”
Dipper slipped into the hall and shut the door behind himself. He pressed his hands to his temples, trying to think. Bill had to be messing around in his head, somehow… Dipper shuddered, imagining Bill puppeting him from the inside. He wasn't actually… well Dipper wouldn't know that. Dipper glared at the wall.
“Get out.”
He wasn't going to. Well, at least that answered that question. Dipper rubbed his head… what would he even be doing in there? Not like Dipper would know. But carrying a demon’s thoughts in his head didn't seem like a fantastic option, especially when he had no idea how to get him out…
“Hey Dipstick. Where’ve you been, huh?”
In any other context, it might have been a friendly greeting. Not in this one.
Florence Goodman had to be the worst misnomer of the century. Dipper had only ever actually seen him in class twice in his life, leading him to assume that he spent his spare time throwing darts at pictures of other students’ faces. Florence also seemed to think his insults were hilarious; this was probably a direct result of beating up anyone who disagreed, although Dipper wasn't sure he'd get the whole cause/effect relationship. Another reason he had never explained it was that Florence just so happened to be twice his size and nowhere near as terrified of detention as Dipper was.
“I said, where’ve you been?”
Dipper looked away.
“What are you doing out in the halls?” This guy really needed to learn to respect personal space. “I would've thought the teacher's pet would be teaching the class by now-”
“Aren't you supposed to be in class,” Dipper muttered, “and not hanging around like a-”
“Like a what, Pines?!” Dipper's head knocked against the lockers- he could feel a bruise forming on the back of his skull. Pain was hilarious.
“Nothing, nothing-” he said quickly, but Florence had already moved on.
“Where's your dumb hat, Pines?”
Dipper didn't respond.
“What, did you lose it? Someone get to it before me? Huh-” His palm slammed into Dipper's forehead; Dipper winced. “You should've kept it on- now everyone can see your dumb hair-”
Dipper braced himself for what was sure to follow. It was an old well but a deep one, and every time it just got to him. He felt the fingers shove his hair up, off his forehead-
“-and your mutant face-”
“It's not a mutation, it's a statistical anomaly…” His face was burning- his entire head was burning.
“Little dipstick over here thinks his big words won't make him a freak-” Into the locker again. “Well guess what-” And again. “You'll never be anything but the weirdo with no friends-”
Dipper covered his face. That wasn't true-
“You gonna cry? Cry, Pines- cry about your stupid hair and your freakazoid face- your disproportionately gigantic head and tiny weak body- the stupid rectangle on your forehead-”
Dipper screwed his face up. Until summer, his birthmark had always been a sore spot for him- it had been the target of countless insults. Now that summer had ended, when he had finally started to accept it, it was just going to become another reason to hate him- his head cracked into the lockers again. Always with that stupid constellation birthmark- making him a target- making him “that weirdo-” well it wasn't like he could help it!
“Are those tears, treeboy-”
Dipper grabbed his fingers- they were rubbery and- slimy-? Florence screamed and dropped him onto the ground; Dipper winced and rubbed his head, slowly looking up. Florence was stumbling around like an idiot, waving his arm and screaming.
“Maybe- maybe that'll make you think twice about making fun of me, huh-” Dipper got up. Whatever was going on, it sure was making Florence panic- the problem was, Dipper had no idea what was going on.
Thankfully he found out, as he watched this high school student transform into a gigantic slug with six eyes, a pig nose, and terrifyingly long slimy arms.
The monster roared.
Dipper shouted and threw a pencil at it. The pencil bounced off his lumpy flesh and rolled down the hall.
The two looked at each other for a moment. The slug blinked and stared at its new slimy features. Dipper decided to use this moment to run for it and booked it through the halls. He heard a vaguely roar-like sound from behind him; he figured that turning Florence into a close relative of a snail didn't make him want to kill Dipper any less.
He ducked behind a wall and pressed his back to it, shaking- had he done that- Dipper stared at his hands. They were just as pale and clammy as ever. Maybe it was the fact that he had just run to the other side of the school, but he felt exhausted; there was a stitch in his side and his eyes were starting to close. Dipper shook himself awake. There wasn't time for that- there was a giant slug loose in the school somewhere. It wouldn’t be long before someone saw it.
“Heyyy, what are you doing in the Dumb People section?” Dipper blinked and looked up. Mabel had put a sticker on his nose. “Don't you have some kind of over-complicated class to get to?”
“-there’s something more important going on right now,” Dipper told her, glancing back around the corner. Florence the giant slug couldn’t be far.
“You found something more important than your GPA?” Mabel leaned around the corner to look at whatever he was looking at. “I'm proud of you- you've realized that the true meaning of being a student is learning and having fun by pursuing an interest that you genuinely like-”
“No, Mabel, I turned Florence Goodman into a nine-foot long invertebrate.”
Mabel frowned and raised a finger. She opened her mouth and the finger turned into a finger gun, “Are you making a spontaneous and nonsensical joke-”
Dipper looked at her. Mabel lowered her finger. “Right, okay, giant spineless bully somewhere in the school.” She frowned again. “How did-”
“I don't know,” Dipper admitted, ducking back behind the wall. “I think it had something to do with Bill-”
“THEY SAY THAT IF YOU SAY THE DEVIL’S NAME HE APPEARS!”
Dipper yelped and fell backwards.
Mabel glanced from him to the empty air directly in front of him. “Is he back?”
“Unfortunately…” Dipper muttered.
“Unfortunately?” Bill pressed his hand to what would have been his chest. “Now that stings- after all I've done for you- turning your school bullies into gastropods- I am hurt-”
“You did that-?!”
“Well I'll admit that it was a team effort- somebody here got really mad for no reason at all-”
Dipper glared. “So you just used me as your funnel-”
Mabel raised a hand, “So I'm sure this is a very important argument but all I can hear is Dipper's side- and also maybe we should focus on taking care of the monster before we argue any more?”
“I don't think Bill cares,” Dipper said.
“Oh contraire, spaceface.” Bill pulled his cane out of nowhere. “You're my only vessel, and your fancy contract says my psyche is linked to your body- if you die, I'd be stuck in a little radius around it, and that wouldn't be fun for anyone, would it?”
Dipper looked away. “Mabel, do you have the flashlight?”
Mabel shook her head. “I didn't really unpack everything yet.”
“Right, okay…” Dipper rubbed his forehead, trying to think. The hall was quiet and empty, and he couldn’t see or hear a thing in the corridors, but he knew what was out there. “Well, at least we have time to plan,” he resolved. “He might be big, but slugs are slow. It'll take a while for it to even find us, let alone catch up to us.”
Bill laughed.
Dipper stiffened. “Unless that's not the case…”
“Oh, it is definitely not the case, pine-tree! Remember how turning things on their head is kind of my deal? My schtick? My gimmick? My-”
“You made a super-fast giant slug.”
“Well I wouldn't call it giant, we’re only talking like eight, nine feet long here- giant would be, say, the size of the school- your tiny little mind doesn't have nearly enough energy for that.”
“Well apparently there’s enough to make you a giant pain in the-”
“DIPPER-”
Dipper looked over just in time to see a super-fast, average-sized slug come ricocheting around the corner.
Dipper thought he knew what fear felt like. He had been ripped out of his own body, more than once by now, been chased by gigantic deformed creatures of unimaginable horror, and witnessed the apocalypse firsthand. Yet, somehow, none of these came close to the sheer adrenaline that running from a nine-foot invertebrate at top speed through an empty school hall could bring.
“How do we stop him?!” Mabel asked as they slid around a corner.
“I don't know,” Dipper said- he was panicking. “I only knew things in Gravity Falls because of Great-Uncle Ford’s journal- I don't have that anymore! We threw it down the bottomless pit!”
“Well, actually-”
Dipper looked at Mabel. “Actually-?”
Mabel waved it off. “I'll tell you when we’re not being terrorized by a giant slug.”
Dipper darted up to a door leading out of the school; he tried to stop but his momentum carried him into the bar and out onto the grass. He tumbled forward and faceplanted. Bill laughed.
Dipper shoved himself up- “If you're so concerned about protecting your vessel why don't you help-”
“Oh, I might. If it gets completely hopeless. Right now I just want to watch you squirm.”
Dipper wanted to retaliate, but he didn't get the chance as the monster slammed its head through the door and bowled him over. He scrambled up, now covered in slime, and darted back inside the school; during the day, the doors were locked from the outside. This proved true as the slug rammed into the door over and over, but it didn't open. It also might not have opened because it was a pull door, but Dipper decided not to tell him that.
Dipper slid down against the wall to catch his breath.
“...what do we do when school ends?” Mabel asked, “because he’s still going to be there-”
“I’m trying to get there,” Dipper breathed. He rubbed his forehead and watched the door thud as the slug rammed into it. Bill was busy criticizing a mural of Egypt in the hall.
Mabel sat down next to him. “Maybe we should get to class?”
Dipper snorted. “I'd rather not. At least not right now.” A nine-foot slug. No journal. No hex circle, no flashlight… all he really had was a demon whose current life goal was to ruin Dipper's own life. Bill probably knew how to fix it with magic or something- but it wasn't like he'd help. Dipper might have to take a different approach…
Dipper sat there in quiet contemplation as Mabel doodled and the formerly-human slug pounded on the doors. After a while, the bell rang and students flooded out into the hallways, and to their… lockers? Dipper started and looked at the clock- what?! -this was the end of the school day- and he still had no idea what to do regarding the giant slug- and it was at this moment that the hinges on the door gave way- and in it came.
It was chaos. Everyone scattered, some to run and scream, others to touch it, more to record videos, and the slug to (presumably) murder Dipper. Dipper saw this and decided to join the portion of the student body that was running. Mabel followed suit.
“You know, for someone who made a life-changing self-discovery about courage and standing up for yourself over the summer, you sure are doing a lot of running away today,” Bill commented.
Dipper glared. “I can't just fight it,” he snapped, “and it's not like I have anything that'd help me-” he shoved the front door open and ran out onto the grass.
“Well that's not very fair- I'm right here!”
“You’re the main cause of the problem-!”
“What is it with you people and your blame-games- you turn a couple people into disfigured monsters and suddenly it's all oh he’s evil and you’re a 'problem’-”
There was a loud popping sound, followed by an unappealing squelch- Dipper turned to see that the slug had managed to figure out the push-door. It literally threw the door open and was continuing his chase, barrelling right for Dipper- panicking, he jumped to the side, hoping the monster couldn't turn as quickly as it could run, or crawl, or slink-
The proper term for the movement of a slug was put low on Dipper’s priorities as he watched it crash through the parking lot and disappear among the cars. There was a sound of alarms and honks.
“Well, this seems like a good time to let law enforcement handle the giant slimy thing,” Mabel suggested. While the idea of Florence Goodman being taken away from the school did seem appealing, it was Dipper’s fault that the guy was a slug in the first place.
“Eh, ehh…?” Mabel was ready to go. Dipper took in a breath, then sighed.
“We should do something.”
“But do we?” she groaned. It was very likely that she hated Florence more than he did. Dipper genuinely considered walking away. It’s not like he was obligated to be the bigger person here, but- it was a little overboard to turn him into a lightspeed slug. There was also the fact that the security cameras in the school probably saw him near Florence when it happened, and the last thing he wanted was another run-in with the government.
Being thirteen was hard.
Just as Dipper was about to make his decision he heard a shrill and childish squeal from the far side of the parking lot. Dipper and Mabel exchanged a glance.
“Dad.”
They both made a dash for the east side of the parking lot and found the slug with its head jammed inside the window of The Bug, and Forrest Pines firmly pressed into the back seat, throwing all available objects in its face. So much for leaving their parents out of weirdness- now Dipper definitely had to do something. Mabel was way ahead of him.
“Back off my dad you slimy buttface-” Mabel shouted as she bolted to the car and began beating the slug with her biology book. This took the slug’s attention off of (potentially) eating Forrest- it pulled from the window and went for Mabel next.
“Mabel, get away from that thing-!” Forrest shouted. Dipper pried the slime-coated car door open; Forrest scrambled out and scooped both twins up and out of the way of the monster, backing away. The slug started advancing- Dipper threw a rock at its head and tried his best to give an intimidating and stern glare, but judging from Bill’s snickering it wasn’t working out too well.
Forrest was just about to make a run for it when Mabel slipped out of his hold and ran for The Bug.
“REMEMBER ME!!” Mabel called as she dove past the slug and jumped in the car. The slug spat acid at her as she ran past; it ate away at the ground, burning holes in the asphalt. Forrest nearly had a heart attack as the monster went after his daughter.
“MABEL-”
“Acid?!” Dipper hissed at Bill, who had been casually drifting near his field of view.
“So, I have these ideas, and sometimes they’re just too good to turn down. So, the slug spits acid now. And also has a taste for human flesh.”
“Oh it just gets better every minute, doesn’t it-”
“It really does, isn’t it great?”
Forrest sat Dipper far away from The Bug and ran to grab Mabel.
“Do you think this is funny?!” Dipper glared at Bill.
“Yes, actually.”
“Well it isn’t-” Dipper pointed at the triangle. “You’ve always seen our lives as a game and a joke, but the joke's over, Bill-” Bill wasn’t looking at him. He was experimenting with flames in his right hand. “Are you listening?!”
“No, not really, your interests are relatively insignificant to me.” Dipper was fuming. He had to get his attention, and the only way you get a triangle’s attention is by making him angry or panicked- or maybe even a little bit of both.
Dipper started walking towards the monster slug. “What are you doing, kid?” Bill called. “D’ya think you’re going to take this thing on with those noodle arms?”
“No.”
“Well that’s good because that thing will totally kill you. So, you know, it wouldn’t be that smart to keep just walking towards it like that. So, uh, why are you still walking towards it-”
“You’re going to let my family get killed, then you don’t get a vessel.”
Bill laughed. “As if you’d actually get yourself killed just to get me to do something, that’s ridiculous-”
Dipper kept walking. “Are you really that stupid-” Bill said louder as he was pulled along at the edge of Dipper’s mental barrier. One foot in front of the other, Dipper walked up to the slug and kicked it.
The slug’s acid was just about to eat through the roof of The Bug- Mabel was aggressively searching the backseat and resisting Forrest’s attempts to remove her. The slug twisted its head to look at him. Dipper held his arms out at his sides. “You’re an idiot, kid- you’re going to get yourself killed- this is proving nothing-”
“It’s proving nothing except that you’re out of options.”
“I have plenty of options other than your cruddy vessel-”
The slug made a gurgling noise; acid foamed at its mouth, dripping down at Dipper’s feet, just missing his shoes.
“You’re gonna die, kid-”
It reared up. Dipper didn’t move.
“KID-”
Dipper squeezed his eyes shut- there was a spitting sound-
...but nothing happened. Hesitantly, Dipper opened an eye. He was outside of his own body, and for a moment he thought he might have actually died; then he saw that his own body had thrown up a magical wall in front of itself, like a triangular forcefield. Dipper couldn’t stop himself from grinning.
“I hate you so much,” Bill muttered through gritted teeth as he dropped the wall and the remaining acid fell to the ground. Operation Anger the Triangle was a success. The slug tilted its head in confusion. Bill leapt forwards and knocked the slug back with a punch that clearly had some extra magical energy, because it slid back several feet and embedded itself in the hood of a car.
“Just turn him back-” Dipper said as Bill climbed into The Bug a little unsteadily. Forrest was staring and petrified in the back at this point.
“It’s- give me a second, okay-” Bill wheezed as he struggled to catch his breath, “your stupid noodle of a body could barely take a bit of running last time- you think it can take all that- no! Because some vessels aren’t pure energy-”
Dipper let Bill continue his rant about how weak he was as he watched the slug pry itself from the car and shoot over to The Bug. Bill looked at the slug and glared.
“I have had it up to here with all the things I make trying to kill me-” He slid into the driver’s seat and tried to stay awake. He was about to use another shield to block more flying acid, but something shot through the windshield and straight into the slug’s face.
“GRAPPLING HOOK!” Mabel retracted the hook from the backseat, proudly standing on the seats, one hand on her hip. Forrest was unable to process anything happening around him. Mabel jumped into the passenger’s seat and shot the hook straight into one of the slug’s eyes; it backed up more, blinded.
Bill was slumped over the steering wheel, about to pass out. Mabel shook him. “Hey- hey you can’t fall asleep- mystery twins are back in action-!!” Bill slowly opened his eyes and looked Mabel dead in the face. The sunlight made the slit-pupils obvious.
“Could you, for once, Shooting Star, maybe not scream in my ear... magic is hard enough as it is...” He was too tired to make any witty comments; all he had to spare was pure dismay. Mabel shot the slug in the face again.
“You’ve been doing a bunch of magic, huh-”
“Yes.”
“And Dipper didn’t get enough sleep again I bet-”
“Clearly.”
“But you can fix this with magic??”
“Magic fixes most things.”
“Well- then-” Mabel pulled her lunchbox up and offered Bill a mysterious red fruit drink.
“Is this poison?” Bill looked at Mabel. He threw up a shield to block flying acid and looked a little more exhausted.
“No, it’s Mabeljuice!”
“So, poison.”
“It’ll give you a boost- promise-” Bill glared at her. He put up another shield and swayed slightly; a fleck made its way around the shield and burned through his hair. He sighed, steadying himself- Dipper wished he had popcorn. “Eh? Ehh?” Mabel held the Mabeljuice closer. Bill slowly took the glittery drink.
“This doesn’t have anything on Time Punch-” he downed the drink. Mabel shot the hook into the slug’s face again. The slug seemed confused as to how he continued to fall for these attacks.
Bill felt a burst of energy as the caffeine set in. A grin spread across his face- he might be slowly dying of poison, but he was alive again. The slug moved around the other side of The Bug and crashed its head through the window; Bill held his hand out at the slug and it was pushed back by an invisible force. The Bug shook.
“Now what-” Forrest whimpered from the back.
“Now we knock that thing out and finish this-” Bill said, putting his hand on the dash. The Bug began morphing and mutating and Dipper stared as he turned the family car into a huge, metal, eco-friendly winged insect, with six legs instead of four wheels and an apparent taste for slugs.
“WOO!” Mabel cheered as it advanced on the monster. Bill laughed maniacally as The Bug attacked the slug, knocking it down into the pavement- it spat acid at the car, burning holes into pieces of metal legs- but The Bug kept ramming into the slug, shoving it back. It plucked the slug off the ground before it could run away and flew off towards the football field.
Forrest was screaming. “OKAYOKAYOKAYOKAYWHY- WHY IS THIS HAPPENING- KIDS-”
Mabel looked back at Forrest, giving him an encouraging thumbs-up. “Calm down, Dad- we’re professionals-! We’ve got this!”
Forrest just stared. Dipper wasn’t looking forward to explaining this later. The Bug hauled the slug over the football field and higher into the air; it released the slug and it plummeted into the ground, leaving a crater in the grass.
The Bug hovered for a bit and, when the slug didn’t get up, it lowered and landed next to the crater. Mabel hopped out of the car and ran to the crater to peer in the hole, grappling hook at the ready. The dust cleared and, instead of a bloodthirsty lightspeed acid slug, there was just a beat-up Florence Goodman, looking utterly traumatized. Mabel let out a breath and help up a hand to high-five Bill, grinning. “Nice work-”
Bill looked at her. “You really want me touching your hand.”
Mabel lowered her hand.
The caffeine was wearing off fast; Bill used the last bit of energy he had to strip The Bug of its insectoid features. Then he fell face-first into the grass.
When Dipper came back to consciousness in his own body, everything was numb and he didn’t want to move. Mabel was sitting with him in the high school nurse’s station; she seemed a little more excited once he actually looked at her.
“Wh… what happened…?”
“Well, uh… Bill… fixed it, and you passed out after that-” She seemed a bit surprised, “since when does he help us-”
“I blackmailed him,” Dipper murmured.
“...you blackmailed Bill?” Mabel said, staring. Dipper shrugged, eyes half-closed. “That’s… that’s great. Showed him who’s boss this time, am I right-” she grinned.
Dipper smiled slightly; it felt pretty good to be holding the cards for once. He thought for a moment and frowned. “What happened to Florence…?”
“Uh, about that…” Mabel began, “He looked super freaked out- I don’t think he’s coming back here. But he doesn’t entirely know what happened, I just told some cops that the slug ran off in the woods- so, we should be in the clear. For now.”
“Didn’t they see it on camera…?” Dipper asked. Mabel shifted in her seat slightly.
“Nope.”
“Nope?”
“Nope.”
“What do you mean nope?” Dipper sat up a little.
“Well, I took a little time to say a few things to Dad, calm him down a little bit, and… he used his computer magic to get rid of the footage.”
“Since when was Dad a hacker?” He usually only saw his dad coding games of brick breaker.
“He said he picked up a hobby over the summer,” Mabel said, then grinned, “so we’re in the clear.”
‘The Clear’ was probably something they were far from, but knowing that they had covered up the incident to some extent was a relief. He glanced around and saw a disgruntled Bill glaring at a chart on the wall.
“...thanks for fixing that,” Dipper whispered.
“Shut up, Pinetree, I’m not dumb, you smug little-”
“Oh come on- you saved yourself anyways,” Dipper muttered. “That’s a bright side for you.”
“All my creations keep trying to kill me,” he said, arms folded. Dipper frowned.
“...The Bug didn’t try and kill you,” Dipper suggested, “it must have liked you.”
“It didn’t like me, I just gave it an extensive craving for slugs. It was in self-defense.” Bill vanished, presumably back into Dipper’s mind. Dipper didn’t really have the energy to care about Bill’s personal struggles at the moment. It served him right.
After Dipper took some time and mustered the energy, Mabel helped him walk out to meet Forrest, who was harshly rethinking his comprehension of life. The Bug was out of commission, probably because the engine had been eaten through with slug acid, so he took Dipper and Mabel the rest of the way home by foot. When they got back to the house, the twins explained to their dad about the existence of ‘weirdness’ and how they saw supernatural beings and creatures over summer break.
However, the details were severely watered down. As far as Forrest knew, they just met a mermaid, spotted a unicorn, and caught a fairy only to delicately release it. Mabel said that they learned their monster handling and magic skills from a unicorn fight, which wasn’t entirely a lie, only mostly. It only took Forrest a solid two hours to process the entire situation.
“So… monsters. Mythical… things. Exist,” he repeated numbly.
Dipper and Mabel nodded.
“And you’ve… fought them,” he asked again.
“Uh-huh,” Dipper responded. Forrest slumped back in the couch and rubbed his eyes. After another minute or two he sat up straighter and looked at the two of them. They were sitting quietly in front of him.
“Well… you know, I’d say you did a really awesome job. Really, really impressive stuff there- but, just don’t scare me like that okay-” The twins nodded and promised not to throw themselves into deadly situations again. That promise would probably last less than twenty-four hours. Forrest took a moment to breathe, and wrapped his long arms around the two of them in a tight hug. “I’m just glad you two are safe,” he said. They both hugged back.
He pulled back and pointed at the two of them. “We are not going to tell Mom about this until we can actually think of a way to explain it. Especially the car. Deal?”
Dipper shuddered. “Deal,” said Mabel.
“Great…” Forrest laid down on the couch and closed his eyes, “it’s been a long day, so I’m just going to… keep rethinking everything. You two finish your homework or read or… something.” The twins gave their dad a moment of peace. Dipper quietly helped Mabel with her homework as the sun began to set outside. For the first time all day, there was a bit of silence.
Cassidy Pines shoved the front door open, covered in dirt, twigs in her hair, camera in hand.
“You’re not going to believe what I saw today.”
Dipper somehow doubted that.
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