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photo1030 · 1 year

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Leather and Lace - Chapter 15: Feelings Revealed

PART 1 - I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU

Summary: You finally confront Arthur about how you feel about him, and force him to make a decision, whether you are ready for the answer or not.

*This is a long one and will be broken up into multiple parts.

*Special thanks to the wonderfully talented @rivetingrosie4 for beta reading this for me.

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**This exquisite image comes from @kmartkiddieisle

Tag List: @rivetingrosie4 @bimbo-dollz @pine4pple-b0i @redwritr @kuri-chans-blog @queer-sadie-adler @joelmillerswifey @gimmethosedaddymilkers @pcotarelo @delilah-grimes @maemortem @wistfulwisteriawitch @lilacxxdreams @plumbeeb @mentallyillfrogs @absolutegeek @spurz @sophiaj650 @uniqueclodzinevoid @lookingformaurice @pawoui @randomidk-123 @yyiikes @eddiemetalheadmunson @twola

*I tagged people who expressed interest in the continued story. If you’d like to be added or removed, please let me know.

Arthur isn’t sure how it happened. He let his guard down, that’s for damn sure. Some bounty hunter had recognized him when you and Arthur were in Ourey last week. He had a tip that Arthur was in the area, but not sure exactly where. And as luck would have it, the hunter was in the saloon for a drink when he just happened to glance over his shoulder and see the very man he was looking for sitting at a table in the corner with a lady, chatting away without worry, like the world wasn't on his back.

Earlier this morning, Josiah Trelawny had come to the camp, asking if you could tend to one of the locals in need of medical attention. There still aren't too many doctors in this area, and this particular fellow is a friend of Josiah's. Dutch agreed to let you go, as long as you got paid for your trouble, of course. And, naturally, Arthur insisted that he be your escort.

After the two of you had made a brief stop in town for needed medical supplies, this bounty hunter spotted Arthur again. He followed the two of you at a distance, careful to not let Arthur catch on that he was being followed. The hunter patiently lingered in the woods that lined the house while you two tended to the sick individual. And once you had left the homestead, he tailed you and Arthur, waiting for the opportunity to take down one, Arthur Morgan.

And now, this bounty hunter has you as his hostage.

The clouds in the sky dance playfully around the sun, alternating sunlight and shadows upon the Earth's surface below as the three of you stand in the clearing. The bounty hunter pulls you tight against him as your hands clutch at his forearm, which has a vice-grip around your shoulders. He holds a well-used revolver to your head with the other. His hot breath carries across your neck and stinks of tooth-rot as his face hovers close to yours. You can feel his torso and hips dig into your backside and it makes your skin just crawl with repulsion.

But the hunter is not focused on you. He stares past your shoulder at the man who is his main target. A sneer of superiority crosses the hunter's lips, exposing his blackened and snaggled teeth. He triumphantly displays his upper hand to Arthur, elated that he has discovered the notorious outlaw's weakness. You.

You watch Arthur's expression turn from surprise at being snuck up on, to one of outrage. His jaw clenches, and you can see the muscles of his face twitch as he grits his teeth together. His beautiful blue eyes, always a beacon for you to stare into, have turned hard and icy gray. Arthur's shoulders square and set, seeming to add another few inches to his already intimidating stature. Although you have heard of how menacing Arthur Morgan can be, you have rarely seen it yourself in person. And it is a terrifying thing to witness. In fact, the last time you saw him this angry was the day the two of you met. And unfortunately, it was a similar scenario then, as well.

"Let her go," Arthur grits out in a low, calm voice. "She ain’t got nothing to do with this."

But the bounty hunter only laughs at Arthur's request, as if it is the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard. "Since when do you give a damn about anyone else, Morgan? Hmmm?" And then the hunter's face changes to an exaggeratedly surprised expression as if he just had a profound realization. "Oooo, wait a minute now. You like this one, don’t you, Morgan?" He turns his face into yours just slightly, but keeps his steely eyes trained on Arthur. "I can see why. She’s real nice." He begins to rub his face along yours, taunting Arthur. "Nice and soft. Skin so pretty. It'd be a real shame if something were to happen to this face." His hand creeps up to cup under your chin, pulling your head back to him even tighter as he shoves the barrel of his gun harder into your temple, causing a quick and soft gasp to escape your dry lips.

Arthur's face contorts just slightly, breaking his cold exterior for just a fraction of a second. And in doing so, it reveals to the hunter that he has indeed hit a nerve, causing a smug smile to dance across his mouth.

"You best get your damn grimy hands off of her," Arthur threatens, his voice almost a growl now and his hands balling into fists of rage. "I ain't gonna tell you again." Arthur's warning sends shivers down your spine as you hear the words drop from his lips. His movements and tone are so slow and deliberate, with a menacing air that radiates off of his body so acutely that you almost do not recognize the man standing in front of you.

The bounty hunter just grins horribly and opens his mouth to drag his tongue along your cheek, further provoking Arthur. The act makes you close your eyes and whimper in disgust. You slowly open your eyes again and keep them on Arthur, not wavering from his gaze. You don’t cry or beg while being held by this pig, but remain perfectly still. The only thing that betrays your anxiety is how your body trembles ever so slightly from your broken breathing.

Arthur can clearly see the fear in your wide eyes. It makes him angry--both at this man, and at himself, for putting you in this situation. He will kill this man for his transgression. There is no doubt about that. It's not as if Arthur likes killing. But he has killed men for far less noble reasons than protecting you. So it stands to reason that this man's end is most certainly inevitable now.

As you stand there with the cold metal of a gun barrel digging into your temple, and with this horrible man pressed against you, you suddenly realize that the reason you are afraid is not so much that you could die right now, but that you could die without Arthur knowing that you love him. Before this moment, you have never divulged your heart's secret to him. And now, you may never get a chance to. You may never hold him or to ever know what it is like to properly kiss him. And worse yet, you'd never know if Arthur ever felt the same about you in return.

As the two men stare each other down, the air goes very still—as quiet as a cemetery at night. You can see Arthur's muscles tense like a spring ready to snap. Your chest begins to heave, drawing air into your lungs much faster now. Your heart races with anticipation. You watch Arthur like a hawk, your gaze never wavering from his. And then you see it. You see Arthur's eyes cast down ever so slightly. The hunter doesn't even notice, but you do. And your eyes go even wider with the recognition of it. It's a clear signal of which direction you will need to move.

Faster than what seems humanly possible, Arthur's body explodes into motion, pulling his gun from its holster. The mere second you see his muscles twitch, you let your body go absolutely limp like a wet string in the hunter's grasp. You slip through the man’s arms and drop down to his feet, crumpling hard to the ground. You cover your head with your hands and your knee knocks into your jaw as you curl into a ball as tightly as possible.

Three gunshots crack loudly through the air, echoing off of the treeline and ringing in your ears. You hear a loud, wet thud next to you, thick and heavy as a body hits the dirt. You are hesitant to look up, but you quickly realize that it can't be Arthur. The sound is too close in proximity to you to be him. You slowly lift your head and look over to see the bounty hunter lying motionless next to you. His eyes are wide open and still carrying the look of shock in them. You take quick note of the red weeping holes in his chest. Of the three shots that rang out, two were fired by Arthur, both hitting the hunter with deadly accuracy, with the third shot being a feeble attempt by the hunter to squeeze off a hit before bullets tore through his chest and he slumped to the ground.

But it is silent once again, now. The only sound you hear is your own heavy, terrified breathing as the smell of gunpowder lingers in the air. You stare at the dead man, confirming that he will not be a threat to you any longer. Speechless, you then turn your wide and shining eyes up at Arthur, still trying to catch your breath. Arthur stands perfectly still, a calm now settling over him. This is not a new sight for him, but one that he has been forced to pursue repeatedly. While you are sitting in the dirt, stunned, Arthur seems unphased by the dead body lying ungracefully in a heap on the ground. Sighing, he holsters his gun and slowly walks over to you.

Arthur looks down at you, tilting his head slightly. "You ok?" His voice is soft and concerned. You can only nod silently as he extends his hand down to help you stand.

You place your trembling hand into his much larger one. And in this very moment, the strength that you find there provides a comfort to you that you could not have possibly imagined. His other hand slides under your elbow, providing extra support as he carefully assists you to stand, checking that you have not been harmed in any way.

Once you've come to your feet, you suddenly launch yourself into Arthur's chest, throwing your arms tightly around his neck before he can stop you. For you, it is the safest place to be right now. Your eyes screw shut as you bury your face into the crook of his neck, your arms encircling his shoulders as you cling to him tightly. And instead of recoiling, Arthur evenly returns the gesture. A flood of relief washes over him, now that you are safe in his arms. You feel his strong arms circle around your waist and back, holding you securely to his broad chest as his chin drops to hover above your shoulder, his cheek pressed into your hair.

You still have yet to cry, but you are trembling terribly. And he holds you even closer, his hand sliding up to cradle your head now, in an effort to soothe your shaking. "It's alright," his voice floats from his lips as they hover next to your ear. "I got ya, girl. I always got you."

The two of you stay this way for several minutes, not another word spoken. You feel the nervous energy drain from you as Arthur holds you to him. His body pulls it from you and replaces it with his own body heat. Finally, you pull back from him and you gaze into each other's eyes. Your lids flutter at the wave of love you feel for him. Your gaze floats from his vividly blue eyes to his lips. You want so desperately to kiss him.

Arthur's breathing hitches slightly as he notices your chest beginning to float up and down as your heart rate speeds up at the thought of it. He catches you studying his face, your eyes lingering on his mouth. Your hands begin to slide from behind his neck, and across the plane of his shoulders, before gliding down along his arms. Your hands grasp slightly at the bulk of the muscles they find there as they travel. And suddenly, your fingers feel something wet. The quick change in sensation yanks you from your romantic reverie. You look away from his face and down to where your right hand lingers on his bicep and see bright crimson red seeping through the fabric of his green shirt.

"Your arm!" you gasp softly, blinking the fog away from your mind. The sight of Arthur's blood sharply startles you and quickly pulls your mind out of the clouds.

Confused, Arthur stares at you for a moment, not even paying attention to what you're saying, before looking down at himself. He sees the blood on his shirt from where the hunter's stray bullet cut across his arm, but quickly dismisses it. "It’s just a graze, I’m alright." He gives you a weak smile.

"We need to wrap this," you stutter, trying to collect your thoughts and pull yourself together. Looking around for your horse, you whistle for Blue as Arthur has taught you. The horse picks his head up at the sound and quickly comes trotting over to you from the bushes where he's been grazing. You hurry to get bandages out of your saddle bag and begin to wrap the cotton around Arthur's arm to quell the bleeding. Arthur says nothing, but simply watches your every move as you work. A grin pulls at his lips as he watches how you fuss over him, amused at how your attention has been drastically redirected. His eyes cascade from your beautiful hair, now a disheveled mess, and over your face before settling to your hands and delicate fingers, now painted red with his blood.

Suddenly, off in the distance, you begin to hear voices and hoofbeats. Arthur's head snaps up to attention, his eyes narrowing as he tries to focus on the direction it’s coming from. It could be colleagues of the bounty hunter, or it could simply be passers-by. But either way, the two of you should not be found with a dead man. As you tie-off the bandage around his bicep, Arthur sets his hands on both of your arms in urgency. "C'mon, we need to get out of here."

-------------------------------------

Thankfully, you and Arthur make it back to camp with no more distractions after that. Once you arrive home, you quickly pull Arthur to your med tent to stitch up the gash in his arm from the bullet graze. With that properly taken care of, you split up and head to your own tents to get cleaned up and settle down after the afternoon's events. Eventually, you both wander back to join the rest of the gang who have gathered around the main fire, where you are met with curious faces when they notice Arthur's bandage and the exhausted expressions upon both your faces. With a cup of hot coffee in your hand (and a whiskey bottle in Arthur's) you begin to recount the day's events about the bounty hunter to your friends.

"It's a good thing Arthur was there, then," suggests Abigail when you finish speaking, her eyes dancing back and forth between you and Arthur with a soft approving smile on her face.

From where he sits perched upon an overturned crate, Micah snorts a laugh of disbelief at her statement. "Well, that’s one way to look at it." He leans over to spit dismissively into the grass at his feet. "The way I see it, that piece of shit was there for Arthur, not her," he emphasizes with a wave in your direction. "She wouldn't have been in trouble in the first place if it weren't for him. So it’s more like Arthur was damn lucky he was able to pull that off without getting either of their asses shot. No?"

Leave it to Micah Bell to try and stir things up. Especially when it comes to Arthur.

You pitch a heated glare at Micah over the plumes of smoke that dance in the air, one that matches the burning embers that you all are sitting around. "You have no idea what you're even talki-"

"He’s right," Arthur confesses, cutting you off mid-sentence before you can rant and tear into the weasley man sitting across from you. He takes another gulp from the whiskey bottle and casually stretches his leg out a bit and resettles his weight to get more comfortable. You snap your head to look from Micah to Arthur now, his statement halting you in your tracks. You simply stare incredulously at Arthur, eyes blinking in disbelief.

"I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you just said," the sarcasm dripping from your voice as you shake your head at this nonsense. "It sounds like you said that 'Micah Bell is right'?"

"If that guy hadn’t known me, he may have just passed us by." Arthur keeps his tone calm and stares into your eyes as if to drill this belief into your stubborn head.

"Or he would have just killed us both!" you interject, your voice getting more annoyed by the second as you ball the fabric of your skirt into your hands.

"I shouldn’t have taken you out of camp," he argues back stubbornly, his grip tightening on the neck of the whiskey bottle in his hand. "Should've had Charles do it."

"You always do th-!" your voice raises now as you start to get angry.

"Either way, it’s done now," Dutch's deep voice booms sharply from where he’s sitting by the fire. His voice cuts through the mounting tension between you and Arthur, his hand slicing through the air in the finality of discussion. "No harm done. (Y/N)’s fine, that fella’s dead, Arthur is in one piece. It's over." Like a parent reprimanding his children, Dutch's tone is firm and unyielding in ending this argument before it can even begin. His dark eyes dart menacingly back and forth between you and Arthur, just waiting for any protest.

You bite your tongue as you hold Arthur's gaze with an unspoken irritation. After a moment of silence, Arthur abruptly gets up and storms off, intent on hiding away in his tent before he can say or do something stupid that he'll regret.

Your eyes follow him, glaring angrily out of frustration, desperately trying to ignore the stinging sensation of tears about to spill forth. The only sound to be heard is the crackling and popping of the fire in front of you.

From where she sits next to you, Abigail places a comforting hand upon your arm and sighs in disappointment. "Just let it go, (Y/N). Let him wallow."

------------------------

The next few days are odd, to say the least. Arthur isn't specifically ignoring you, but he is definitely distracted and in his own head. There is much work to do in camp, so the distraction is welcome, but he is certainly conflicted. A few days ago, he was finally ready to sit you down and profess his affections for you; to finally come clean and speak out loud what has been rolling around in his head and bubbling in his heart for quite some time. But now, that horrible self-doubt is creeping its way back in, like ivy that climbs up the garden wall. And he feels guilty about it, too. One minute you two are inseparable, the next he won't come near you with a ten-foot pole. It has to be confusing to you, he figures. It has to be, seeing as it confuses the hell out of him, too.

Today, Arthur and Micah are riding out to follow a lead on a job. Normally, Arthur does not care to work jobs with Micah. But with John and Javier out on another route, and Bill and Charles each following their own leads, these two men are left for Dutch to send out. The two set out and make their way over to the next town to meet a man about a tip on a supply run. And with Arthur being quieter than usual, it doesn't take long for Micah to start running his mouth.

"You still poutin' over that mess with the bounty hunter, Morgan?" Micah glances over at the other man and his horse, a merciless tease in his voice as he pokes at what he knows is still a sensitive subject.

Arthur gives no answer except more silence and a scowl that deepens as he sits stiffly in his saddle while they travel the dusty road.

Micah gives a slight shrug at Arthur's lack of response. "Maybe that was an eye-opening experience?"

"What in the hell are you going on about now, Micah?" the outlaw asks irritably, finally giving Micah a brief glance in acknowledgement.

"Oh I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud is all," he says, feigning innocence. "But I'm just wondering if (Y/N) is really meant for this kind of life."

Arthur says nothing, but his eyes shift from Micah back to the path ahead of them at the thought. Micah takes quick notice at how Arthur's shoulders tense and his eyes become harder.

"I'm starting to wonder if she'd be better off without you, Arthur. I mean, let's be honest, she really don't fit in too well with the likes of us, now does she?" Micah pauses to gauge the reaction. And he sneers to see he's succeeding in getting under Arthur's skin and decides to keep prodding. "If you really like (Y/N) that much, maybe you should just stay away from her. She'd be a hell of a lot safer that way, don't you think?" Micah smirks to himself as he plants the seed into Arthur's brain. But of course, he'd swoop in on you in a heartbeat if Arthur were out of the way. “It's kinda selfish if you ask me, cowpoke.”

"Yeah, well good thing I didn’t ask you!" Arthur shouts, finally tired of Micah's needling.

Micah drops the reins of his horse for a moment and holds his hands up in surrender. "Now hold on, I didn't mean anything by it. Like I said, I'm just talking out loud here. But one of these days, that woman is gonna realize she don’t belong here with us, Arthur. And you’ll wake up one morning, or come back to camp, and..." he makes a gesture with his hand like smoke dissipating into the air, "... she’ll be gone.”

This statement makes Arthur freeze in his tracks. Although this is an idea that has been festering in the back of his mind for a while now, it is something he is not prepared to hear out loud. And certainly not something to be pointed out by the likes of Micah Bell. "Can you just shut your mouth for one damn moment so we can get this job done?!" Arthur snaps.

Micah says nothing, but holds his hands up again with a shrug.

This conversation germinates in Arthur's mind and puts him in a foul mood for days afterwards. He keeps a distance from everyone, including you. You don’t take too much offense to it at first, since you understand that Arthur sometimes gets in his own head, often needing solitude for lengths of time. Especially after running a job with Micah Bell. In fact, the space is actually a bit convenient right now, since you're trying to keep away from Arthur as well.

The run-in with the bounty hunter has forced you to take a hard look at your situation. You need to decide if you should finally confront Arthur and tell him how you feel about him. The thought of losing him the other day was almost too much for you to bear. But you are also well aware of Arthur's misgivings about personal attachments. You do not want to force Arthur into a scenario that he is not comfortable with. And, while Arthur is worried about endangering you, you are worried about being his weakness, his liability. That bounty hunter was quick to realize that you were the way to get to Arthur. Fortunately, Arthur was more than capable of dealing with that idiot. But what if he wasn't? What if Arthur is ever put in danger because of his weakness for you?

The problem is, you don’t know how much longer you can try to hide your feelings. The girls in camp already know how you feel about Arthur, and it’s pretty obvious to everyone else, for sure. You're almost positive that he feels the same for you as well, so what’s the point in denying it? You thought he’d have made a move or at least said something to you by now. You have tried to leave some not-so-subtle hints, but every time you think something will happen between you two, he always pulls away, leaving you confused and lonely. You know Arthur doesn’t have a high opinion of himself, and that things would need to go slow if this is something that you should pursue. But how can he deny what is so obvious to everyone else?

One late afternoon you're sitting in your tent, restless from having this internal struggle yet again. So you decide to take matters into your own hands. You huff in frustration, launching yourself off of your cot, a look of resolution on your face as you smooth out your skirts. "OK, that’s it. It’s now or never.” And you burst forth out of your tent in search of Arthur.

You head out into the common area of the camp, surveying your surroundings. And of course, you spot him by the horses, brushing down Buck. He’s been stewing over there a lot, ever since that job with Micah.

You take a deep breath. "You can do this," you whisper to yourself. And you head over to the hitching posts. Your pace is hesitant at first, but the longer your gaze fixates on Arthur, the faster you walk with determination. As you get closer, you casually walk up next to your horse, Blue, rubbing his nose as he nickers at your approach.

“Hey, you,“ you say, giving Arthur a little grin along with your usual greeting for each other.

“Hey…” he grumbles out in reply. He lifts his face, but quickly averts his eyes, as if guilty of some act against you.

"Want to go out for a ride with me?" you ask, your voice hopeful. Your hand absentmindedly caresses Blue's muzzle as you gaze at Arthur, trying to pin him down.

His hands pause in their work, not sure how to answer. He really does want to go out and to be alone with you, but in light of recent events, he thinks twice about it.

You can see the gears turning in his mind to try to find an excuse when he averts his eyes and doesn't answer you.

"Come on, please?" you whine, adding a little childish stomp. "I’m getting restless just sitting around here."

Arthur takes a deep breath as he considers his answer. “Yeah, I don’t think it's…”

"Come on, if you don’t come with me, I’ll just head out on my own," you cut him off with your threat before he can say no. Your hands plant firmly on your hips as you stare him down. "You don’t want me going out by myself, do you?"

Damn it. You know he can never say 'no' to you.

With an eye roll and an exasperated sigh to match, he simply gives you an “Alright, fine.”

Smiling triumphantly with a look that could melt Arthur in moments should he look upon you for too long, you spin around and get Blue saddled up as quickly as you can before Arthur can change his mind.

The afternoon temperature has started to drop to a comfortable degree as you and Arthur head down the path and out of camp. There’s a pleasant breeze carrying the fragrance of autumn in the air. You travel fairly quietly through the woods, only making small talk here and there, before heading to one of the overlooks that you like to frequent. It's a pretty little spot, tucked up on a ridge looking down over the valley. It gives an unobstructed view of the horizon and expanse of the land before you.

The overlook itself is littered with the last bit of wildflowers for the season and is covered with lush grasses that sway with the wind. This place has always been a peaceful getaway for you, and you were so thankful when Arthur brought you here to show it to you. Ever since, this is where you come for clarity and peace of mind. And you couldn't think of a better place to finally tell Arthur of your feelings for him.

You pull your horse to a stop and eagerly hop down from Blue's saddle. Blue follows behind you like an overgrown dog as you wander through the tall grass. Arthur slowly drops down from his saddle, watching you from behind. The sun is in front and off to the left side of you, casting your face and body in a warm, golden glow. Arthur instantly takes notice of how angelic you are. Your billowy skirts unfurl as they catch on the grass and your white blouse soaks up the amber colors of the sun's rays like paint to a canvas. You are so beautiful in this moment that it makes Arthur's heart ache, knowing he’ll never have happiness with you. Micah’s words ring through his mind as he watches you and he has to remind himself that good things don’t happen to bad men.

After you wander to sit on one of the large boulders that jut out of the red soil, you bend over to pick one of the wild daisies growing at your feet. You twirl the bud absentmindedly between your fingertips as you look about at the glorious view. A calm begins to settle over you as the smooth, cold surface of the rock beneath you radiates through your body. Your eye catches a few hawks circling in the sky out over the field in front you. You watch as they magically hover in the air and a contented smile crosses your face. Blue wanders over past you, snorting and nuzzling into your back as he passes, sniffing to find treats in your pockets.

"Get out of here, Blue, I ain’t got nothing for you," you chuckle, pushing his nose away. You look over your shoulder when you notice that Arthur hasn’t followed you. "You gonna join me?" you ask, a smile gracing your features to match the twinkle in your eye.

Arthur stands next to Buck, silent and fiddling with the horse's reins as he shifts his weight. Reluctantly, he walks over and slowly sits down next to you.

The two of you sit quietly for a bit, enjoying the view, until you nervously clear your throat. "So, I'm afraid I haven't been completely truthful with you, Arthur. There’s something that I want to talk about with you." You look down at your hands in your lap as you speak, your fingers rolling over each other. "It’s something I’ve been thinking about for awhile now." Taking a brief pause, you swallow before you continue. "I’m not really sure how to tell you this, to be honest."

Arthur’s stomach drops and his breathing becomes shallow as he notes how uncomfortable you are all of a sudden. You won't look him in the eye, and you're fidgeting. Something has you all worked up. And then it hits him: You're leaving. He’s sure of it. After what happened with the bounty hunter, he can't really blame you. And you've brought him out here to tell him. What else could have you this anxious? Arthur can feel his spirit deflate in disappointment. Everyone leaves at some point. But at least you are kind enough to tell him personally after all this time. Micah was right.

"God, I didn’t think I’d be so nervous about this," you mumble to yourself, your hands sweating as they continue to roll over each other in your lap.

"Look, (Y/N)…you don’t have to…" Arthur tries to speak, tries to put your mind at ease, but you hold your hand up to shush him, interrupting before he can get too far.

“Arthur, please, just…let me get this out before I lose my nerve,” you say quietly.

So he sits quietly as he sets his hands upon his thighs, fingers nervously drumming. His mouth goes dry, eyes fixated on the tips of his boots, waiting with trepidation for you to say what you have brought him here to tell him.

You close your eyes and take a deep, steadying breath...

“Arthur, I’ve come to realize…that…I have feelings for you."

And there it is, finally out in the open. Your words hang in the air for him to hear and ingest. No going back now, no hiding it any longer. And with this revelation, a great weight is lifted off of your chest.

You stop, looking at him out of the corner of your eye, testing the waters to see his reaction. But he sits there, not moving, eyes still aimed at his feet. His head is spinning, as this is not the news he was expecting to hear. He’s elated that you're not leaving after all, and breathes an internal sigh of relief. Yet that feeling of happiness quickly turns to shock and concern, when he fully realizes what it is that you have just said to him.

“What did you say?” he whispers, his body rigid with tension.

Suddenly, you become very apprehensive at Arthur's response. You thought he’d be happier than this.

“I care for you, Arthur. Deeply," you say emphatically.

You gently reach over and place your hand over his that still rests on his thigh, and lean forward to try to peer into his face to gauge his reaction. His eyes flicker to your delicate hand on top of his own calloused one. He is frozen in this moment of time, paralyzed. He’s prayed to hear those very words from your lips for so, so long. Yet, he has also dreaded it. For Arthur truly believes that he could be the very end of you.

With a great pain in his chest, Arthur slowly withdrawals his hand from under yours. You look in confusion from where your hands were once folded together, to his face, but he still won’t look at you. Your heart begins to pound loudly in your ears.

"Arthur?" Your voice quakes with trepidation, yet he still sits there, not moving, not speaking.

"Say something. Please?" You sound so small as you beg for a response from him. This void of silence is crushing.

Arthur closes his eyes and winces, knowing the next thing he has to say is the most painful thing he’s had to do in a long time. "I….I can’t," his voice barely a whisper.

Your eyes shoot open wide. "What?" your voice cracks in disbelief.

"You don’t want me, (Y/N)" he says, shaking his head, his gaze still fixated on his boot-tips.

"Why on Earth not?"

"I'm not a good man. You deserve better in this life, and so much better than me.” Arthur's answer is so simple in its delivery, as if this is something that you should have known all along.

You are stunned into silence for a few minutes, processing what he’s just said to you, desperately trying not to get upset. "Don’t I get a say in what’s best for me?" you challenge back.

“No, not in this case." Arthur still won't look at you, and his voice maintains a sad and low tone. His calmness over such a thing is almost maddening to you.

"Look at me, Arthur," you demand desperately. "Look at me!" He turns just enough to give you a side glance before guiltily averting his eyes again when he sees the tears starting to gather around your irises. "Can you really sit there and tell me you feel nothing for me?" you ask incredulously.

“It's not a matter of what I want, (Y/N)." He tries to speak calmly to you, hoping to make you understand and trying not to upset you any more than he already has. But you are not having any of it. Your emotions are a churning sea right now; intense and uncontrollable.

"Like hell it’s not!" your voice is starting to rise now. "Your wants, your dreams, they matter, Arthur. You matter. I know you don’t see that, but I see you, Arthur. I see you." You begin to rapidly blink back the tears forming in your eyes, desperate to get through to him.

"I tell my dreams to ghosts at this point," he mumbles to himself, shaking his head. His eyes dart around rapidly, trying to look anywhere but at your face right now. He abruptly stands up, pacing a few steps. He draws his hand over his mouth, wishing this conversation was not happening.

"It’s OK to give everything you got, Arthur, but you have to keep something for yourself too,” you implore as you watch him pace in front of you.

“Not this time," he says sternly, finally looking at you with such intensity. "What the hell do you want with someone like me, anyways?!" his own voice now rising to meet yours. "I’m old, I’m ugly, I’m mean…”

“Jesus, you really are broken aren’t you?" you ask in wonder as you take in the sight of him, watching him nervously unravel before your eyes.

“Bah…” he grunts angrily, waving you off. He turns away from you to face the horizon line again, getting more annoyed by the second. But still, you keep pushing.

“Why are you making this so hard, Arthur?!”

“Because!" he spins back to face you again. "It’s only a matter of time before you figure out what a piece of shit I am, (Y/N)! I can’t go through that again. Not again. Not with you.” He waves his arm to decisively make his point. And it is now that you fully understand his greatest fear and worry.

“You don’t know that!“ you beg.

“Yes, I do!" he shouts angrily at you, his volume startling the horses grazing nearby. He is now past his breaking point, his chest heaving with the battle of emotions within him. "Why can’t you just leave things as they are, (Y/N)?!”

“Because that’s not good enough!" you holler back, not willing to give up on him. "Is that what you really want, Arthur?”

“That’s how it has to be. You shouldn’t even be here!” He throws that bomb back in your face, unaware at the severity of its delivery.

The statement cuts you like a knife, twisting into your heart so deep that it makes you gasp and your eyes go wide. And the moment it escapes Arthur's lips, the look of shock on your face makes him regret saying it. Aside from your feelings, Arthur is your best friend. He is the one who brought you here. How could he really think that? It is a blow that he meant to end this argument, but he severely underestimated the damage it would do in its wake.

You are shaken to your core. This is certainly not how you thought this conversation was going to go when you imagined it in your head. You can feel your fingertips and toes go numb, your nerves alight.

You simply stare at him, speechless, before you lean forward and bury your face into your hands, trying to comprehend this nonsense. This lovely moment that you envisioned has gone so horribly wrong. You were so sure that Arthur would fold you up into his massive arms upon your revelation. This adolescent awkwardness that the two of you have danced around for so long could finally be put behind you and you could move on together. You could put an end to the shared notion of loneliness that sits deep within you both. It was a gamble. You would expose the delicate nerves of your heart in hopes that he would accept it. But you sorely miscalculated. Maybe you are too naive? Maybe this romantic notion of loving an outlaw is just a silly idea after all?

You sniffle back the tears that still threaten to spill forth, determined to keep yourself together. Defeated, you slowly stand up, avoiding his watchful gaze, and turn to head back to the horses. Arthur's chest is heavy with guilt from having to hurt you like this. He gingerly reaches out and catches your elbow before you walk away from him.

“Please, (Y/N)," his voice quiet again, pleading for forgiveness. "This is for your own good.” His blue eyes implore you to understand his reasoning.

"Right, Arthur. My own good."

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan x female reader #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 fanfic #arthur morgan rdr2

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amnignsity · 10 days

Text

New obsession?

Milkman!Lee Minho x F!Reader.

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ฅ ̳͒•ˑ̫• ̳͒ฅ♡˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

-How you guys met.

▶Contains : Hinted Pervert!Lee Minho, Slowly getting Obsessed!Lee Minho.

Reader is awkwardly cheerful and mostly optimistic in this fic ¦> In minho's perspective she's an innocent person although in reality she's just awkward hence the cheerful attitude and mostly not innocent.

↪"You're milk delivery is here, miss!"

Minho knocked on the door as he sighed - he's been working all morning and now is finally the last one. He looked at the address he was familiar with considering an old couple lived here a few years ago but now passed away as a new person has moved in last week ago.

He still hasn't met the person yet because he needed a week off due to doongie being sick then soonie followed by dori and him. It was an apocalypse in their apartment and he couldn't do anything but take care of them not like he didn't enjoy his free time resting.

His boss being Jeon Jungkook was kind enough to allow him as minho has been working hard anyways and it was time to make use of the other milkmen who were slacking off anyways.

Also he was gonna have a bonus next week so it was definitely his year this year - smiling at himself as he heard a voice from the other side of the door.

Leaning down as he grabs a box of 6 full bottles of milk for the week crouched down as the door opened.

"A-ah...I'm sorry! I was doing some laundry-.." You panicked as you fiddled with your nightgown clumsily - minho sighed as this way a common occurrence. He slowly looks up - he gulps slightly while his eyes were wide full blown and diluted while he stares at you infront of his sight.

You looked at him confused as you put on a smile over your lips - so perfect for him to kiss, Minho thinks before stopping himself from thinking about such things he just thought for a stranger. You held your arms up making minho gulp at you, being braless nipples perked up against the wind probably or because him hopefully.

He gently gave you the box of milk although unsure if you were able to carry such a heavyweight while he still had his hands gripped under the box a bit hesitant.

"Can you carry it, miss?.." He asks his voice low while he looks down at you with his predatory gaze that cats do. You looked up at him with such innocence and pure eyes that he couldn't help but felt a warm knot over his stomach.

"Yes! I'm quiet strong, thank you for your concern mister milkman.." You said cheerfully, Minho slowly nodding as he placed the box of bottled milks over your arms - you huffed brows furrowed as it was quite heavy but nothing you could handle.

Minho pulled away as he looked at you seemingly tired in your perspective while in his he was absolutely dumbstruck by you - You carefully walked through your house as you placed the box of bottled milk at the table. Minho looked at your back his eyes slowly drifting down as his gaze hardens, biting his lower lip as he locks his eyes on something he'd consider himself his healthy obsession.

Your ass was big easy for him to grab and hold he gulped before blinking while he shook his head, he must very tired if he was acting like this for a stranger. He waited for you to come back as he grabs the list for you to sign too. You hurriedly come back as you chuckled awkwardly - signing beside your name as you looked up at him.

"Sorry again for the inconvenience...Thank you.." You said while minho just nodded - you couldn't help but apologize as you always do feeling bad to keep him waiting for even just 3 more minutes as he looked extremely tired although when you saw minho smiled you can't help but notice how attractive the milkman was and you were wearing such a flimsy outfit infront of such an attractive person.

"No problem miss..Just doing my job..I'll see you next week? 6am.." Minho uttered while you nodded - so now that you know the time of delivery it was safe to say you'll hopefully not keep him waiting next time.

"Have a nice day.." Minho uttered as he lifts his hat up before walking away while you shouted at him the same thing before closing your door as you got back to doing your laundry.

Minho couldn't help but swallow his tongue as he bites the tip of it - an urge to just go back and kept talking to you but he couldn't as he had to head back plus his cats must be starving at home.

Minho sighed it's been a week since he then time has past by rather quickly - he drove his van onto each and every house in town as usual. He was very tired because he stayed up all night watching small kitten videos that he forgot he had work the next day.

He yawned rubbing his eyes while sighing deeply - despite his tiredness he couldn't help but feel a weird gut feeling like somethings about to happen. He was finally infront of your house holding another 6 glass bottles of milk, he rang the door bell.

He stood still with the bottled milk on his arm - he had his sleeves over his elbows clearly showing his veiny arms. You hurriedly opened the door as you grinned at him - the empty glass bottles over your arms as you greet him with a cheerful smile.

"Mister milkman! It's great to see you again." You chirped placing the 6 empty bottles on the ground while he nods - giving you a small tired smile, you couldn't help but notice his dark circles as you looked down grabbing the box of bottled milk over his hand.

His veiny hands caught your eyes possibly staring more intensely than usual although thankfully the milkman didn't notice it much as you quickly lifted the box off his hand and walked in your house placing it over your table.

"It's nice to see you too miss..." Minho uttered as he took out his list again while you walked back and signed beside your name. He smiled at you while you take a glance at his nametag.

"So...minho?.." You uttered raising a brow as you smiled at him, he raises his as he saw you saw glanced at his nametag before sighing as he smiled back at you - gently grabbing his hat as he adjusts it.

"Yes, I'm Lee Minho...The town's most responsible milkman...and you know I already know you due to my...list.." Minho said as he chuckled tapping his list that had your name on it while you smiled back at him nodding seemingly eager.

"Sorry for the late introduction miss..." Minho said as he slightly tilt his hat down as he bows down at you feeling bad for being rude to you last week and not greeting you as they often do whenever it's someone new in town.

You chuckled immediately shaking your head as you looked at him slightly embarrassed. "Ah! No no you don't have to do that...And I assure you it's fine..I noticed how tired you looked and it's understandable."

You chuckled earning a light-hearted smile from minho as he looked up at you - his eyes glimmered slightly widen as if he saw a beautiful scenery infront of his face and he did. It made his heart skip a beat with butterflies erupting his stomach in a vast pace.

He slightly gulped as he nodded. "Thank you miss.."

You nodded before you made a surprised expression as you remembered something. "Ah! please hold on a minute, mister Lee-"

"Minho is fine miss.." He cuts you off while you looked at him nodding sheepishly before you excused yourself and grabbed something from your kitchen - minho just stood there waiting as you did ask for him to wait, usually he wouldn't as he was busy with his job but who was he to deny you. You came back then it all went to blank.

"I decided to make a cake for myself but ended being alot so please have some.." You offered him a chocolate cake - slightly fudgy with crisp sides for a bit of crunch but in the inside was moist and soft. The chocolate drips down the side with chocolate chips as it's toppings and with whipped cream as well.

You gave it to minho as he looks at it before smiling and giving you his thanks while you uttered a 'no problem' back to him.

Milkman minho...Milkman minho...MILKMAN MINHO!!!

Will do smut of it when I have ideas >¦].

It has been in my drafts for a month or more and I wanted to just post it so here - might have grammar mistakes.

ᯓᡣ𐭩Mxlist°

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clanwarrior-tumbly · 1 month

Note

SHANE MY BELOVED anyways gonna request based on an oc that i made/an ai chatbot chat that i did recently. selectively mute reader with shane, and how their relationship evolves? strangers to lovers probs. hcs or oneshot/drabble :3 -galaxy

WAHOOO

I got 5 hearts with him as we speak so this is perfect timing <3

......

Settling into Stardew Valley was certainly going to be a challenge, especially with the new life you wanted to build here..and of course that entails meeting new people.

For most of your life, you've been selectively mute, only ever using your voice if you absolutely have to.

You never used it much at your previous office job, but it was still quite soulless and didn't make you feel good.

Even so, Lewis doesn't think you should stay a stranger and insists you introduce yourself to folks in Pelican Town.

You couldn't ignore the letters stuffed into your mailbox forever..so you finally headed into town.

While some villagers regarded you as "quiet", many of them chalked it up to you being new and welcomed you anyways.

Although Shane is indifferent and annoyed--as he is to most strangers.

You accidentally bumped into him, and he thinks you're rude for not saying "sorry".

Your brain sorta panics as you sign the words...but from the way he stares at you, you realize he doesn't understand what you're saying.

By the time you get out your notepad, he's long gone, mumbling about being late to his shift.

Since then, you try being polite and wave to him anytime you see him in the street or at the saloon..but he just wonders why you're bothering him.

One thing he kept noticing at the bar was that you always gave your order to Gus on your notepad, and he starts thinking there is a reason you can't talk and you weren't just being a dick specifically to him that day.

Still, he doesn't ask you. You're probably gonna stop trying to befriend him sooner or later. So why should he care?

One day, you approach Shane while he's working at JojaMart and asked him where a certain food ingredient was, pointing to your shopping list..and you see that irritable look in his eye again.

He had customers mixing up things on the shelves and snapping at him for things outside his control--and you caught him on a rather bad day.

He says nothing and just points further down the isle, but you just smile and mouth "thank you", signing the words before continuing on.

Poor guy goes red, convinced you blew a kiss at him just now...and it's all he could think about for the rest of his shift.

The very next day, you show up at Marnie's place with a fresh pizza, asking if Shane was home.

He gets flustered as HELL when he realizes you were at the mart buying ingredients to make one of his favorite foods...and he acted like a total jackass.

You left a note inside the container, which basically tells him you're selectively mute and realized your farm was just down the road from his aunt's ranch.

After reading it, he awkwardly apologizes and asks for a fresh start, to which you just smile and nod.

Jas, at this point, can see he's got a crush on you.

After that was cleared up, you two become friends and hangout together at the saloon often or share a beer on the dock.

You don't talk, but tbh Shane appreciates the silence between you two. He didn't have to force conversation, and neither did you.

Although that also enables him to vent to you about how downtrodden and repetitive his life feels, with you simply listening and accompanying him home.

It doesn't change the fact he felt like a burden to everyone, and one night you found him on the cliffside, his face covered in mud and tears, ready to give up on the world.

In his drunken haze, he forgot you were mute and wants you to tell him why he shouldn't do it..

"No wait..I..forgot you can't-"

"Shane..I'm here for you." Your voice comes out low, hoarse, and a little shaky, but he stopped sobbing the moment he heard it..and he stares up at you in shock.

"S-So..you do speak.." He mumbles. "You sound....like--like an angel...fuck..maybe they do exist. So you'll...be here for me no matter what? Even if I did something stupid...?"

You simply nod, and that makes him change his mind.

He just can't believe that out of all the people in this town, you chose to open up to him--some sad sack of shit who was about to jump off the cliff--and decide he should be the one to hear your voice first.

You actually wanted him around. And you never hated him despite all the times he was rude to you..

After he nearly vomits all over your shoes, you take him to the hospital, knowing he needed Harvey's intervention, and since then you've been supportive of his recovery journey.

He only remembers bits and pieces from that night..although the one thing he couldn't forget was hearing your voice.

It was probably so difficult for you to find it again, and he appreciates you talking him down, even if you had to close up and go totally silent for the next few days or so.

If you ever go into why you became selectively mute, Shane will do his absolute best to understand (and maybe get a little overprotective in the process if someone makes fun of you for it).

But if not, he'll still defend you regardless.

You teach him a few general phrases in sign language, which he tries to grasp and eventually gets the hang of.

At some point down the line..he asks you out on a festival date after much pressure from Jas and Marnie, and you were so excited you nearly yelled out "YES"-

But instead managed to nod happily, taking his hand and dragging him towards the celebration without a second thought.

Soon that little date turns into a genuine relationship, with Shane eventually moving onto your farm to help you care for the crops and animals, switching to alternatives to beer and promising to cut back on the hours he spends at the saloon.

Some days you'll be away mining, fishing, slaying monsters, or helping the Junimos rebuild the community center, but other times you'll stay inside and just cuddle with him, your pet, and the chickens.

He was muddling over why you chose him (a lot of self doubt still festers inside of him), and you spoke to him again--this time to his sober-self.

That was "because I love you".

And yes...he did cry.

#clanask #galaxy anon #stardew valley x reader #sdv x reader #sdv shane #stardew valley shane #sdv shane x reader #stardew valley shane x reader #shane x reader #headcanons #selectively mute reader #hurt/comfort #tw suicide mention

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zoeykallus · 9 months

Note

Hi there! If it's not too much to ask, would you write about Tech and a shy female reader? I had this scenario in my head, with Tech and femreader getting into an argument, but they end up having sex. But not the angry intense kind of sex, not like they jump from heated anger to smut. I mean it can be very erotic and detailed, but with them being soft and sensual with each other? Does this make sense? I would so love to read something like this 😍 Thank you!

Aloha! 😊

Well, I think I got something in my mind for this one. Just hope I got that right 😅

Tech x Fem!Reader One-Shot - Close And Real

Warnings: Angst/Sexual Content/Strongly Suggestive/PiV/Soft Tech/Shy Reader/ Fluff/18+

_______________

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

_______________

>Master List<

You sigh in annoyance. Tech has given you a task, and you're so nervous about doing everything wrong that that's exactly what happens. He and his brothers have taken you in, travel around with you, without the guys you wouldn't know where to go. So you want to make yourself useful and have offered your help, especially with Tech you want to make a good impression, but now everything goes wrong. To make matters worse, Tech just comes by to see what you're doing. He blinks several times and looks at the machine he taught you in detail to take apart, clean and put back together. Your fingers are shaking with nervousness, so you clasp them to a machine part, so he won't see the shaking. His expression is puzzled, then critical. Finally, "That looks worse than before," he says frankly, "How can that be?" You open your mouth, but your voice gets stuck in your throat, it takes a long, very awkward moment before you can use it again. "I um, I'm sorry," you bring to your lips miserably. "If you're not going to help, just say so, that one looks like you're trying to sabotage us," he says angrily and starts to take care of it himself, pushing you aside. The color drains from your face.

"I really want to help." "It doesn't look like it," Tech says tersely, continuing to work on the machine you should have finished by now. Somewhat frustrated, you sigh, "I'm just nervous, I make mistakes when I'm nervous." "Your mistakes are obvious," Tech says matter-of-factly, "The reason you're nervous is not" You step from one foot to the other, unsure how to explain this to him. "I'm nervous because of you" you finally blurt out "I wanted to do everything right, to impress you, that's what made me so nervous, then things went wrong, and I got even more nervous and then more things went wrong and- " You interrupt yourself as you see his raised brows, nervously kneading your hands and avoiding his gaze. "I make you nervous?" he asks, puzzled. You take a deep breath and say quietly, "Yes. I want to make a good impression with you, but you're so stern and overly factual sometimes that I feel like I have to be perfect to get through to you." Tech slowly puts down the machine parts he was working with and sighs softly.

"You make me nervous, too," he finally admits. You lift your eyes and look at him in surprise. Tech clears his throat and shyly explains in a low voice, "That's why I'm often stern, matter-of-fact, and distant.... well, the matter-of-fact is basically in my nature. This nervousness unsettles me, and in this way I try to keep you at a distance, although that's not really what I want." You blink several times, trying to process his words, to put them together in your head and understand their meaning. "You like me," you say softly, a small smile appearing on your lips. Tech balks, pauses for a moment, and says, "Well, I thought that was obvious by now." You shake your head with a soft laugh and reply, "No, Tech, it wasn't until just now" He sighs softly, a shy smile on his lips. "I understand." With a gentle wave of his hand, he beckons you to join him. "Come here, I'll show you again, bit by bit".

You step closer to him and the machine, heart pounding, breathing deeply. You yourself have no real, rational explanation for what Tech triggers in you. The pounding heart, the racing pulse, the tingling in your stomach, the nervous smile you just can't stop. As you try to copy his hand movements on the machine he shows you and your fingers begin to tremble again, he gently places his hand over yours. The touch sends a tender shiver down your spine. "Deep breaths," he says calmly, guiding your hand with his, "Loosen up, don't tense up." His voice tickles through your nerves. "Okay," you say softly, trying to implement what he's said. But Tech is so close, your pulse so wild. "That's it," he says with satisfaction as the handle clicks, and he turns his face to yours. You look up at him and all of a sudden, he leans down to you and his lips briefly touch yours, just very gently, implied, like a question, a request, not a demand.

Your heart races. You reach out to him, braver than you actually are, returning the touch, inviting, almost demanding. As Tech responds, his hand releasing yours and reaching for your hip to pull you closer, his tongue accepting the invitation of your parted lips, fireworks explode inside you. It tingles everywhere, you feel warm, a little dizzy too. When you start to wobble on your soft knees a little, his second hand also grabs your hip, turns you and pushes you gently but firmly onto the tabletop of the workbench. Quite automatically, though shakily, your thighs open and let his pelvis between them, so close that you feel his codpiece through the fabric of your pants. Your lips separate for a moment, and you're both a little out of breath. "Honestly," he admits, "I wasn't really expecting this." Your voice is barely more than a whisper, very soft, so soft he almost can't hear you. "I want you, Tech" He blinks several times, hastily adjusts his goggles with one finger and asks, "Really? Here? Now?"

You nod, your heart still hammering violently in your chest. Yes, you want him, here and now. You can see him thinking for a moment, considering, glancing over his shoulder. Tech isn't sure if you'll really be undisturbed here. "Are you sure this is the right place for our first meeting?" "I thought you liked the engine room," you say shyly, letting your fingertips graze along his jaw and chin. His hands grip your thighs a little tighter for a moment; there's an undeniable sexual tension beneath his surface. But he notices it immediately and loosens his grip. "Indeed, a secret little imagination on my part to become intimate with you here, accordingly a certain tension has just built up at the prospect of its fulfillment" You feel heat move to your cheeks at the thought of Tech having fantasies of this nature about you. "I've imagined it, too," you admit, biting your lower lip a moment later. A sound comes from his throat, something like a groan, a growl at the same time and yet half-choked as if he's trying to suppress it at the last moment. He clears his throat and says, "Really?"

At the moment his mind is not working as usual, all he can think about is your closeness, your body heat, the taste of your lips and the insistent pulse behind his ever tightening codpiece. Quite automatically, one of his hands wandered between you, loosening the armor piece between his legs. Your gaze wanders downward, following his movement, and the bulge in his Blacks that comes to light is impossible to miss. The codpiece slips from his fingers and falls to the metal floor with a clang, snapping you out of your stupor for the moment. You look up at the same moment Tech leans toward you again, pressing closer, and you feel his hard length through the fabric of your clothing. His lips find yours again, his tongue slipping deftly between them, chasing yours, each velvety collision a little firework. One of his hands goes wandering, tentatively at first, over your clothing, but his deft fingers find their way into your panties and elicit a gasp from you that he smothers with another kiss. Tech is so skilled, seems to know exactly what to do, his fingertips play with your clit, almost perfectly, your panties are wet in seconds. You moan into the kiss.

Intoxicated by your closeness, warmth, your reactions to his touch, Tech begins to undress you little by little until you are sitting naked in front of him on the workbench. His heart races, as does yours. He kisses your mouth your neck, your shoulders as his hand moves between you again, to the heated triangle between your thighs and his fingertips find your clit again. Your arousal drips onto the workbench you are sitting on. You are so aroused but also so curious. Carefully, your hands grab the fabric of his blacks, pulling them down a bit to free his cock. He pauses very briefly in his movement, but immediately resumes massaging your pearl. As your hand grips him, however, he pauses again. His fingers slide a little deeper, find your wet opening, and very gently he slides first one, then a second of his fingers between your slick walls. Automatically, you grip a little tighter, which makes him hold his breath for a second. His lips very close to yours, he says with a half smile, "Careful now, don't tense up". Your thighs are already trembling and basically Tech could do anything he wanted with you, you would happily let him. But he's gentle, careful, doesn't want to overwhelm you.

Much braver than you feel, you gently pump his hard length and breathlessly say, "I want that one." He gently moves his fingers inside you and asks, "About right here?" A shaky breath, a soft moan before you manage to nod and say, "That's right" "Then you shall have it" Tech gently withdraws his fingers from you with a soft, suggestive smacking sound through the wetness of your pussy. Shortly after, he brings his tip to your moist heat, parting your folds with gentle pressure and penetrating you very slowly, tenderly, almost languidly. Your arms and legs tremble ever so slightly. Tech is quite well-endowed, you feel the stretching clearly. But he takes his time, gives you time, you feel no pain, only an initially unfamiliar feeling. But the heat comes back, a few seconds after he has fully sunk into you. His whole body is tense. Every muscle in his slender body, hard as stone. You hear him breathing heavily but evenly, his arms wrapped around you as he stands in front of the workbench between your thighs.

"That feels far better than any fantasy," you hear him say very softly, almost in a whisper, as if he's talking more to himself than to you. But then, a little more clearly, he asks, "Are you okay?" Your arms cling to his back, one hand automatically wandering to his Blacks, slipping under the fabric and grabbing one of his buns. Which elicits another mix of groans and growls from him. "Can... can I move?" You breathe to him, "Yes, please." As he begins to move, you understand the concept of merging all at once. He is as close as anyone has ever been, Tech's not only physically inside you. His voice, every breath is under your skin, in your tingling stomach, in your pulse, your thoughts.

@rintheemolion

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@misogirl828 @tech-deck

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@1vlouds

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peach-and-bugs · 1 year

Note

Hi, I hope you are well, I fell in love with Nat's one-shot, so I was encouraged to ask for a request, well there are two that come to my head with different characters.

"Wow, you really never got out of your angsty teenage stage, did you?" with Teen Shauna (sorry it's just that you see those eyes and they bring back a lot of melancholy).

"Please tell me you didn't hold on to that all these years" with Lottie (1996) and Lottie (2021). I think with this one you can play with flashbacks of seeing what happened in the desert and their relationship in that timeline in 1996 as a reunion in 2021 somewhat angsty.

Sorry the request is so long, although I would like to add that I can imagine both requests with f reader, anyway thank you very much for everything, take your time and take care of yourself. ❤️

💚Flower stems for heartstrings - Lottie Matthews (1996 & 2021) x fem!Reader💚

Fanfiction master list

disclaimer: don't repost my work. I only post on Tumblr and on Ao3. anything else is stolen and should be removed immediately

Summary: y/n finds evidence of her teenage best friend (and secret crush) being alive after all, and a possible way of finding her thanks to modern internet and goes on a personal quest to find her and the truth, all while reminiscing about their teen years...

Warnings: Internalized homophobia, fem reader that dresses both "masc" and "fem", underage drinking and smoking weed, extremely angst but with a good ending

Word Count: 8,758

A/N: woohoo! We've surpassed word count on my longest oneshot with this fic, the record previously being 6,990. And ngl, this might be one of my favorites to date! Lottie is an extra special gal who deserves an extra long one-shot, so of course I'm going to give her extra attention. What can I say, I'm not immune to favoritism. This one was actually so fun! I loved getting to write about excited, young (and medicated, let's be fr) Lottie bc I think we forget just how much the wilderness took a toll on her. She was so lively before, it makes me so sad. But, I hope I was able to give her a little bit of that liveliness back in this fic! I think in the request "desert" was supposed to be wilderness, but I wanted to have the reader be left behind, which adds a whole different kind of angst to the situation. As always, feel free to leave questions or comments in my comments or ask box, and happy reading!💚

Lottie Matthews Tag List:

General Tag List: @summergeezburr

-💚-

You’d only ever felt the way you did now only twice before in your life. Once when word got around that flight 2525 had mysteriously gone down in flames with no trace, and once again when you learned she’s been shipped off to god knows where for some kind of treatment. You hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye to her then and she was gone.

It was a sickly green feeling that had you kneeling over with weak knees and a stone throat. Lottie Matthews, the girl you’d had your heart set on for all of these years, wasn’t gone. She wasn’t locked away or dead like gossip has always said. She was alive and well and looked like she was thriving. And how did you find this out? Through Instagram, of course. That might have been the worst part of all of this.

One minute you’re mindlessly scrolling through your feed when an ad for a farmers market in some part of upstate New York, rather than New Jersey where you resided. But the ad featured a booth selling honey, and low and behold, there she was. Well, the photo didn’t give a clear picture of her face, but you refused to deny that it was her, despite how it made you sick. How could you forget that smile of hers after all?

You had to put your phone away after that, but it didn’t help you sleep. A few hours into staring up at the ceiling, restless with gnawing curiosity, you decided sleep wouldn’t come till you found an answer. Rather spontaneously you packed a bag and got into your car. Was this the smartest thing to do? Hell no, but you had the weekend off for work anyways, and nothing stopped you from going, so you drove through the nightstand into the morning and drove by coffee, a podcast, and the straining urge that you needed to know what was going on.

-💚-

At some point in the night, you found your mind wandering as your eyes trained on the empty highway before you, highlighted by your headlights. You reminisce a time long before, even more than 25 years ago. Back when you had been a freshman in high school during your lunch period. You moved to Wiskayok, New Jersey late in the year, giving you an even later start to your first year of high school. You’d relatively been left alone and had decided you'd be alright with that. Not everyone can have friends right? So, alone you sat outside on the school's field, picking at the grass underfoot having already finished your lunch.

Some students around you sat on the track or the stadium's bleachers with their friends, enjoying company and comradery or whatever and you didn’t like to admit how it made you jealous. But what was there for you to do to change it? You refused to look desperate and walk up to random groups of people who would probably talk about how lame you are behind your back-

“Hey, you alright?” the sudden voice in your direction yanked you out of your self-deprecating thoughts. Looking up you had to squint your eyes to try and make out who was talking to you as the sun shone in your eyes till they tilted their head, blocking it. After some adjustment from the sunspots in your eyes, you were greeted with a shy yet warm smile.

“Um, yeah, I’m fine,” you uttered awkwardly, swallowing the frog in your throat that had your voice croaking. The girl chuckled and tottered down to the ground to sit beside you in the grass. She dressed well, was one of the first things you noticed. Her pink skirt and tall white socks were very countering to your grass-stained jeans, scuffed hightops, and t-shirt.

“You sure, because you’re all by yourself,” she said rather matter of factly.

“Well, maybe I like being alone. Think of that,” she arched her brow curiously. “And as far as I know you’re alone too,” she chuckled again with a little huff.

“Tuche,” was all she replied, but she had a stupidly shiny grin on her face. Next, she reached out her hand to shake. “I’m Charlotte, by the way. But most people call me Lottie,” you hesitated for a standing moment, only staring at her hand as you kept yours loosely wrapped around your knees till you gave in, shaking her hand in greeting.

“I’m y/n,”

“Well y/n, tell me about yourself,” she spent the rest of that lunch period at your side, asking questions about you in exchange for the little tidbits you were willing to give her. It was so strange, looking back now, how a because girl decided you looked lonely you'd be driving to upstate New York on a random Thursday night due to your desperation to find her again.

Lottie had always been charismatic. She liked people. She looked at them like puzzles made special for her to figure out. Maybe that was her way of avoiding herself, or maybe she just had a natural curiosity for those she didn’t understand. But from that day on, she hadn’t left you alone. She’d excitedly greet you in the halls, and invite you out with her friends and to late-night parties. She was the one who integrated you into the community and helped you find a place.

But she also became your best friend. However, you struggled to feel like you were hers sometimes. She was so bright and colorful, full of life and boy was she popular. She always had someone with her, unless she found the time for you exclusively, which dwindled more and more as high school progressed. Of course, this is a concern you could talk to her about but you didn’t want to bother. In truth, you feared your feelings were driven by selfishness. You thought you'd never voice it, but oh, how you undoubtedly adored Lottie Matthews.

You felt her encase you when she was close and her laugh was enough to have you swooning. You thrived in her presence and basked in the littlest bit of attention she may offer you. Her touch was electrifying and when she grabbed your hand when she greeted you you felt what had to be magic. But of course, you could never tell. Sure, you knew you were gay and you were so fortunate that you’re mother said it was ok, but you’d never tell, ever. Even if the ache felt like it was squeezing you, you couldn’t lose Lottie. You didn’t want to scare her away and be a freak.

Part of you wonders if that’s why you'd lost Lottie after all. You hadn’t been honest with her. No, that wasn’t rational. A secret didn’t take down an airplane.

-💚-

You didn’t arrive till mid-afternoon, late morning, the sun high above as you made your way towards this market. They had their location posted online, so with a quick search and an input to your mapping app you were all set to go. Moments like that reminded you of how on your road trips with your mother growing up she'd have you read the map in the passenger's seat beside her, your finger tailing over the highways towards the little star sticker added on to be your final destination. Strange how so little time felt like it had passed since then yet a whole life as well.

Venders had been set up for some time now and enjoying the comfortable air as they mingled and shopped. You hooked a tote bag over your shoulder to look less conspicuous (although there inherently isn’t anything conspicuous about a middle-aged queer woman at a farmers market, still. You felt a need to keep a low profile). You wandered for some time, looking for a stall that said something like sunset honey, or maybe it was sunnyside. Something involving both the sun and honey, and it looked like the people working wore a lot of purples.

Honestly, it was a very nice market in itself. Had you had ulterior motives for attending you would have quite enjoyed it. That is still you grew distracted by a florist’s stand. The owner had lovely premade bouquets that ranged in a variety of colors and sizes, but what caught your eye where the assortment of white and pastel metal buckets housing small assortments of different flowers, meant to be starters for gardening. In particular stood out the small purple flowers known for growing naturally back home, in Wiskayok. You tentatively reached out to stroke the petals.

You hadn’t formally been invited to the party, but it was one of those words get around kind of things, she no one was actually invited, right? At least, that's what you'd told yourself as you got ready in your room, obsessively messing with your hair in the mirror. It was one of those beer-guzzling bonfire things that the seniors hosted on the outskirts of the woods now and then. This time, however, the justification was the girl's soccer team going to nationals, and after the whole pep rally earlier in the day, it did sound justified.

You pulled back from the mirror to look back down at your clothes. You'd layered a black plaid dress with thin straps over a white sweater that’s sleeves cut off just below your elbow with tights and docs. You tugged at your coller, attempting not to grimace. Sure, you liked dressing feminine now and then, but when it came to events like this you couldn’t help the anxiety, especially with drunk boys. But still, you wanted to look nice, even if the drinks being served were from a beer keg. It just felt like one of those nights, you figured. You sighed and forced yourself to leave as there was a car horn honking outside, grabbing your backpack along the way as you went. It’d be good to have a quick getaway available to you if need be.

“Have fun, hun! Make good choices for me, ok?” your mom called to you from the couch, watching one of her late-night shows while sipping tea and crocheting something as you went downstairs. You smiled, walked up beside her at the end of the couch, and kissed her forehead.

“I will, mama, I promise,” you forced a tiny smile. She hummed her thanks and smiled, opening her eyes to take a look at you.

“Show me this little number you assembled for me,” she said, taking off her eyeglasses and gesturing up and down with her crochet hook as she readjusted in her seat to get a better view. You stretched out an arm, the other firmly holding your backpack to your shoulder, and did a turn around for her. She smiled wide and gave you playful applause.

“Cute! And do you like it? Everything fits well?”

“Yes, Mom, I promise,” you sighed, trying to refrain from rolling your eyes. It was a new dress you hadn’t worn yet and you knew she was only doing the classic mom routine but you had to go!

“Alright, you go have fun. And tell your friend Charlotte good luck at nationals!” she called after you as you shut the door front door and locked it. You turned, illuminated by your porchlight, and waved to your ride. Van had the passenger window of Taisa’s car down and she waved back with a confident grin on her face. You could hear Depeche Mode playing on the radio as you approached the car. You opened the door and slid inside with a quick smile.

“Thanks for the ride, Taissa,” you said, trying not to sound as shy as you felt. She smiled in the rearview mirror, checking her surroundings as she turned down the radio.

“Yeah, no problem girl,” she said with effortless confidence. You didn’t know Taissa or Van, or much of the school's soccer team all that well, but in your mutual connection to Lottie over the past four years you’d tagged along with them quite often and they’d always been nice to you.

“We couldn’t say no after Lottie was so adamant we were nice,” Van joked quite loudly to Taissa, giving you an up and down with that grin again. You stared for a second, unsure of what she was trying to imply till Taissa smacked the goalie in the arm with the back of her hand, hissing her name to make her shut up as she started driving. The redhead let out an undignified yelp.

“She’s being an asshole. And confusing. Lottie wanted you to come and she knew we’d be the best people to pick you up is all,” you still had a confused look on your face, your shoulders hunched inward.

“Um ok, thanks?” you said it more like a question.

“What she means, is that we like you. And we’ll tell you we like you,” Van chimed in again. She wasn’t as helpful to you as she thought she was.

“Right, ok. Is there something else going on that I’m not cluing in on?” Tai and Van shared a knowing look.

“Ok, so the other day Lot kept going on about how she worries that you don’t feel like we’re all friends, and doesn’t want you to feel like you’re just her other friend that tags along, ya know? So we figured we pick you up and tell you that, because some of the other girls on the team aren't the best at communicating, ya know?”

“Oh. So we're friends?” you sounded far more surprised and eager than you would have wanted to. “And Lottie told you all that? About me, I mean?” Van grinned once more, fully turning around in her seat.

“Yeah, dude! I think you’re really cool actually!” you began to smile more than before and leaned back, straightening up your posture.

“And, yes, Lot had all that to say and more,” Tai added on. You were thankful for the dark car hiding any color that might have rushed to your face.

“She talks about you all the time,” Van blabbed on. Tai gave her a look that told the goalie to keep quiet now. Just as she did you pulled up to another house in the neighborhood that has Lottie sitting on the front porch. She shot up when she saw the car but took a last-minute look at the front door like she was waiting for something. Van maneuvered in her seat to hang out the window. “Hurry up slowpoke or we’ll be late to our party,” Lottie all but yelped and ran to the car after that, toward your side of the car.

You didn’t have enough time to move out of the way and before you knew it Lottie had flung the door open with an exhilarated grin, laughing as she climbed in over your lap to collapse in the seat beside you in the back. She’d picked to wear all pink, which was just so fitting for her. You noticed in particular that she was wearing one of her shorter skirts that she giggled to you about hiding from her mother.

“Shut the door and go!” she said through giggles, and once you had the time to process what was happening you did just that, closing the now-opened door to your right, and Taissa was off. Lottie lunged forward in her seat and punched Van in the shoulder, laughing all the while. “God, fuck you! I could have been caught because of that,” she griped as Van dramatically clutched her arm.

“Ugh, what’s with beating on the goalie tonight? I gotta stay fit for nationals and I’ll be covered in bruises at this rate,”

“Whatever. You’re always covered in bruises, and not all of them are from soccer,” Lottie implied, her hands gripping Taissa’s headrest in front of her so she could lean forward and talk to the two girls up front. That is till she scooted back to give you her full attention.

“Well, you’re liking fine as hell tonight hot stuff! Have you been hiding this little number?” Lottie asked, reaching out to touch the material of the dress you were wearing along your leg. You managed to force a laugh and playfully swatter her hand away with shifty eye contact.

“It’s new. My mom got it for me during our last mall trip. She wanted me to expand my wardrobe or whatever,” you played off causally. Lottie gave you a knowing smile and sighed as she turned to look out the window.

“I think it looks great, just like you always do,” she murmured rather quietly. You weren't even sure you were supposed to hear her. Not long after Tai parked and you all got out of the car. Van yelled something at the crowd that had already gotten things started and there was a low collection of howling and yelling in response to her. Lottie got out of the car before you but stopped and waited by your door for you to get out with her. She said nothing but had that perky smile on the whole time as she watched you expectantly.

“So, whatcha wanna do?” you asked. She shrugged.

“I dunno. Maybe get reeeeeally drunk,” she toyed, reaching out to take your hand like it had become second nature. Tai walked up to the two of you from the driver seat of the car, double-checking as she locked it shut and shoved her keys in her jacket pocket. She made a purposefully obvious glance down at your entwined fingers then back up to Lottie.

“Careful Lot, people might talk,” she said with what Lottie took as a comfortable coolness but it sent a shiver down your back that caused you to think about pulling away.

“Pfft! I don't give a flying fuck! Let them talk!” she announced quite loudly, leaning forward with her free hand on her hip. She turned her gaze back to you and wiggled her brows as she grinned. “Come on. Get a drink with me,” she urged, tugging you away from Taissa.

“Don’t listen to her. No one is looking, and if they are they don’t care. What’s wrong with holding hands anyway?” Lottie babbled on as she pulled you in line for a beer with her. She was still holding onto your hand quite tight as she jumped into rambling about something related to her French class. Maybe a recent test? You weren't exactly sure. Despite everything she’d said before, it felt like everyone was looking, but not because of you. Because of Lottie. She was the pretty, popular girl while you were just the weirdo she hung around. With that idea in your head, it was pretty hard to not be self-continuous. You were so in your head that you didn’t notice her shoving a beer in your hand.

“Wha- oh, thanks,” you stuttered. You'd let go of her hand to get your drink, opting to use both hands to hold it. Lottie frowned as she was handed her drink ans thanked the guy passing them out.

“Hey, you alright? Lost you for a sec,” she murmured. She’d become so gentle all of a sudden. Were you really that fragile? She forced a smile and nodded.

“Yeah, I'm great. Just haven't gotten into the party mood yet, I guess,”

“Oh, ok. Do you wanna step away, clear your head a bit?” you shook your head no.

“Nah, I'm good. I’m just gonna grab something from my bag in Tai’s car, ok?” Lottie tilted her head, almost like she was trying to look at you from a new angle.

“I can go with you,” she offered. God, why did she have to be so attentive and sweet?

“I promise I’ll be fine-” you started only for a distraction to catch your eye. “Hey, Shauna and Jackie are over that way. I’ll meet up with you when I’m done,” you offered, dialing up that chipper tone as high as you could. She finally gave in and nodded, making her way over to her other friends while you crept away to dash toward Tai, wherever she was. You eventually found her after dodging around cars and trees listening to Van argue with a group of boys about something sports-related probably. That honestly wasn’t a huge concern of hers at the moment.

“Hey, Taissa. can I borrow your keys?” Taissa arched a brow.

“You’re not trying to use my car to go joyriding or to fuck, right?”

“What? Oh my god- no. I just wanna get something from my bag. It’s in the car,”

“Where's Lot?” why is that relevant right now?

“She’s with Jackie and Shauna,” you began messing with the loose hair falling in your face, averting your eyes from her. Tai gave you an up and down before tugging at Van’s jacket.

“Van, go with y/n to my car, ok?”

“I was just in the middle-” Van started till Tai arched a brow and she gave in. Tai dropped her keys in the redhead's hand and you were off to the car again.

“Do you already wanna leave?” Van asked, walking backward in front of you.

“No, I just want something from my bag,” Van slowed to walk in stride with her hands in her pockets, watching you as you watched everyone who passed.

“Care to share?” you just looked at her and finally managed a laugh.

“I’ll share when we get there,” upon reaching the car and unlocking it, you grabbed your bag and made your way to a more secluded edge over the party where you’d be left alone, Van trailing close behind till you set your solo cup on the ground, sat down saddle style on an old, knocked-over log to rummage through your bag. You pulled out a baggy you’d been holding onto and a lighter.

“Damn, y/n, I didn’t think you the type,” the goalie said as she dropped down across from you. “Where’d ya get it?” she asked, taking the joint you pulled out to share.

“My older brother. He lives with my dad while he’s going to school and I visited him over Christmas and he gave me a few that I use quite sparingly.

“Divorced?” she asked, referring to your parents. You shrugged.

“Kinda, but not really? It’s weird. They still like each other and get along but they aren't exclusive by any means. Dad works in Cali while mom moved here to look after her mom who’s a few houses down from us,” you explained as you fidgeted with the lighter, fixated on the way the flame moved up and down, on and off. Van snatched it out of your hand during an “off” moment to light the joint now placed firmly between her teeth.

You simply watched her process, lighting the joint and then taking in a long breath before holding and letting it go with a sigh as though she was relieved before passing it to you. She did the same, watching your breath in with your eyes shut only to exhale into the dark, finishing off with a small cough before passing it once again. You could see streetlights from the main road from here, you realized.

“You’re into Lot, aren’t you?” her voice was low to not attract attention, but she was confident in what she had asked. You paused, staring out at the lights just a short walk away. Normally, an insinuation that you were gay would have you panicked. It could have been the weed, but maybe you'd relaxed and found some sliver of comfort in the redhead, your new companion.

“I think I do,” you whistled through your teeth at your admission. You turned to meet her eyes when she nudged your shoulder with the side of her hand, passing the joint off again. “Think I’m a lost cause?” Van snorted and shook her head.

“Oh, hell no. That girl’s crazy about you,” Van said with a sigh, leaning back on her hands where she was sitting on the log. “Now, I don’t know what type of way she feels. Sexual, romantic, or just friendship. But there's something there. Lot’s banked a lot on you,” you began to smile again, soft and mellow as you took another hit. After that one, you leaned down to take a chug of your beer. You offered to pass again, but Van had turned her attention back to the party, particularly to Taissa who looked like she was getting shit from Shauna. Even from over her, you could tell she was wasted given how she stumbled around. Van groaned and got up from where she was sitting.

“Keep it. I gotta deal with this,” she huffed as she left. You watched her go, eyes trailing after her to meet with Lottie’s, who was staring right at you, arm crossed over her chest and cup in hand. She seemed to hesitate between you and her arguing friends, but when the debate got particularly loud she turned with a furrowed brow. You watched her go and kept watching till Jackie derailed the entire situation, pulling all the girls away likely to yell at them. With that done, you sighed, leaning back to fully lie on the log, the joint between your lips and legs dangling over either side as you shut your eyes.

“You hiding from me over here?” you opened your eyes. The joint was nearly out as it had just been sitting between your teeth for who knows how long by now. Lottie stood over you, arms still crossed as she held onto her nearly drained drink. you shook your head, sitting up as she sat down beside you on your left, much closer than Van had been. You readjusted, sitting properly with both legs over one side of the log, shoulders hunched. Lottie's arm brushed against yours when she moves. “You didn’t come back,” she simply steed with no malice or accusation in her voice. You shrugged.

“I was getting overwhelmed I guess,” you murmured. “Didn’t feel like talking,”

“You seemed chatty with Van” Again, she simply stated fact. You sighed and leaned down to take another drink. Lottie took the joint from your hand. You watched, then reached for the lighter to give it a second wind. She held it between her forefinger and thumb for you and once it ignited once more it found home between her lips. You watched, sipping your beer. She smoked far prettier than Van had.

“Van’s a good listener guess. Doesn’t talk too much,” Lottie snorted out a laugh at that.

“I don't think anyone has ever said ‘Van Palmer doesn’t talk much’” you chuckled out a soft laugh to match hers. You looked away, out at the lights again. Lottie took another breath in, letting the joint sit between her fingers with her crossed arms. She watched the lights with you, though she might not understand the fixation you seemed to have on them. That is, till she paused, turning fully to watch you. She tilted her head again, unexpectedly brushing her fingers over your temple to guide loose hair obstructing her view out of the way and behind your ear. “Let me kiss you,” she murmured, almost as though she was pleading. You turned back to her. Her hand settled on your cheek, fingertips curiously brushing over the apple of your cheek.

“Don’t kid me,” you whispered, eyes glazing as you darted down to her parted lips.

“Never,” she shook her head ever so slightly. It made her hair sway. You swallowed hard but shakily nodded. That was enough of a yes for her to move in. She immediately dropped the joint in her hand and the hand tracing your cheek found home on the back of your neck. Her now free hand rested behind your ear, stroking your hair as you latched onto her waist, using your left hand to hold you up on the log.

She kissed like she knew exactly what she was doing. As though this had all been part of a longstanding plan. She’d envisioned this just as you had, and fuck was it perfect. Her lisp whereas urgent as your own and had it not been a public space you might have let her do anything she wanted to you right then and there. She scrunched her fist into your hair, unintentionally pulling ever so lightly on your scalp and eliciting a sudden moan from your throat which only egged her on further till she had to pull away with you chasing after her.

You opened your eyes wide, lips still parted as you gasped for breath in and out. And then, of course, you got shy, anxious voices telling you she’d regret this immediately. You began to turn from her but the hand in your hair let go and moved to trace knuckles over your cheek and subsequently turn your eyes back to her. She shook her head, murmuring no over and over, soothing you like a child about to cry. And at that thought, the thought of crying alone, you felt the tears spike in your eyes. She watched your brow crinkle as your lip trembled and she pulled you into her chest, holding you as close as she could.

The hand on your neck found your back as the hand on your cheek moved to cup the back of your head. You buried into your neck as you cried, and she rested her cheek against your scalp, murmuring over and over how it was all ok. She kissed your hair, rubbed your back, and rocked you from side to side as your hands vigorously clung to her sweater, fearing letting her go, because what if the magic would be over and gone when she was out of your hands?

But reluctantly you needed to let her go, and eventually, that point came where you emerged from her embrace, the scent of her shampoo and perfume fading from you quickly as you met her puffed, teary gaze. She moved to hold your cheeks in her hands as her breath shook. You held your hands around hers, kissing her palm with a weak smile. Fortunately, that had her let go of a watery laugh. But neither of you spoke yet. You just sat in warm silence till you readjusted to be side by side once more, your head lulled to her shoulder with her cheek at your temple.

“Fuck, what do we even do after that?” you breathed, eyes training down to the long discarded joint and red solo cups with only sips left of beer in them, though yours has spilled at some point, soaking the ground under it.

“I leave tomorrow,” she murmured back. You dressed your lips together before letting go of another sigh.

“I know… we should have waited” she chuckled sleepily.

“I don’t think so,” you hummed your why. “I’ll be excited to get back here. Well, more excited than I already was to see you,” you chuckled, though your tongue dripped with wordless sarcasm.

“Don’t forget about me,”

“Oh, how could I ever after that?” she teased with another giggle. You smiled, nuzzling your nose into her shoulder. With the change in direction, you got an idea upon seeing a small purple flower growing just beside her shoe.

“I know how,” you started, reaching across her side to pick it, leaving a nice, long stem to tuck behind her ear and in her hair. You sat back to admire your work and smiled. “Purple suits you,” you decided, tucking some of the hair behind her ear for a better look at your work. She chuckled with a sniffle, her fingers gently wrapping around your palm, catching you to kiss your fingertips.

“Mam, are you alright?” you were dragged out of your daydream like a shockwave and had to take several moments to ground yourself again, taking in a deep breath. You blinked repeatedly, shaking your head before forcing a smile.

“Yes, I’m so sorry. I was remembering something I needed,” you said with a forced chuckle. The florist smiled, though he seemed a little unsure. You turned back to the flower, petal still gently settled between your fingers. “I’ll take this, while I’m here,” you said as you cleared your throat, gently picking up the small white bucket and giving it to the florist to ring up.

“Ah, Ruellia caroliniensis. But it’s better known as Carolina Wild Petunia. A good choice. Pick it for any reason? I ask everybody that,” he asked, making meaningless small talk. Your eyes stayed focused on the waving petals of the plant as it was gently jostled around.

“It just reminded me of someone I knew, I guess,” he smiled thoughtfully and nodded with a soft hum of acknowledgment before he asked you for cash or charge. You picked charge which resulted in you digging through your purse for your card.

“Oh my god! y/n! A shrill voice called when you weren’t looking and just as you pulled out your debit card. You gave the florist you’re card before turning to look who it might be only to have the Misty Quigley herself approaching you with the wide smile and outstretched arms that you felt you had to reciprocate. She squeezed you quite tight and when she let go her hands remained at your side for a moment as she seemed to look at you in awe.

“Well, what the heck are you doing here?” she asked tilting her head with that smile still plastered across her lips till she gasped “Oh! Are you looking for Nat too?” you furrowed your brow and frowned.

“What? No, I’m-”

“Uh, mam, you’re purchase?” the florist interrupted. You turned from Misty to grab your new belonging, which he had been so kind and bagged for you as well as outstretching your card back to you.

“Yes, thank you so much! I truly appreciate it!” you said as chipperly as you could before ushering Misty out of the man’s stall and towards a clearing. “What, what are you talking about with Natalie?”

“She got kidnapped!” the blond exclaimed, adjusting her glasses. “She was taken from the motel she was staying in back home and we’re here to find her,” she blabbered on.

“Hold on, when did Nat get out of rehab and who is we?”

“I dunno, a few weeks ago I think? So much had been going on and it's been hard to keep track and ‘we’ is me and Walter,” you were still confused about the situation and about to ask who Walter was when the man himself showed up. He’d be trailing behind Misty for some time, just casually in the background. He was so average you hadn’t even noticed him. The man waved and offered a smile. You tentatively returned the wave but still seemed confused.

“I’m not here for Natalie. I didn’t hear about that at all. No, I’m looking for Lottie,” you said rather bluntly. Misty frowned and it was now her turn to be confused.

“Lottie? But she’s been in Switzerland for years-”

“Well I thought that too will I saw this,” you whispered, hissing through your teeth as you frantically pulled out your phone and the screenshot you’d taken of the farmers market Instagram post, zooming in on Lottie and shoving the device into her hands.

“No, that can’t be her,”

“It is. I just- it’s not a great angle but I know it’s her,” you insisted. Misty began to scan the photo curiously, zooming back out when she let out a dramatic gasp and began excitedly smacking at your arm.

“Purple people!” you yelled. “Purple people!” she repeated it to Walter this time, which summoned him to rush over and huddle around your phone.

“The purple people took Natalie!” she explained with far too much excitement for your liking.

“Could they have taken Lottie,” Misty shrugged.

“I dunno, maybe. But only one way to find out!” She shoved your phone back in your hand and began aggressively powerwalking away with Walter tight on her heels. You hesitated momentarily before shutting your phone off and shoving it into your purse, hustling after them.

“Wait! Do you know where to go?”

“Yes! Of course! We found out from the other stalls,” she called back. “Get in your car and follow us!” she sounded far too excited for this whole ordeal, but what other options did you have to find Lottie? You ran back to your car, got in, and started with heavy breath ready to take the next step on this crazy adventure you found yourself on.

-💚-

After quite a bit of driving, they pulled off into a bed and breakfast parking lot and parked. You parked beside them and got out with a frustrated expression.

“We're not going tonight.” Misty rolled her eyes and she pulled her suitcase out of the trunk of what you assumed was Walter’s car.

“Someone,” she was heavily implying someone to be Walter, especially with the annoyed, flat-mouthed looks he gave him “wanted to wait till morning because he thinks the cult will expect us at night,” you gave her a look that asked “really” and Misty threw up a hand, shaking her head as she grabbed onto her luggage.

“I know! Trust me, I know, but captain’s orders,” she huffed as she followed Walter into the B&B. You paused, letting out an exasperated sigh before going to grab your duffle back and your plant. You hear Misty muttering about not using her real name as she and Walter get a room.

“And it's just for one room, right?” the concierge asked. There was an irritatingly comedic back and forth of yes, and no, then both of them settled on no, two rooms would be fine.

“And, um, you can put mine under the name Lady Mallowan,” Misty gave herself a name straight out of Clue or a shitty romance novel and you couldn’t help rolling your eyes.

“Seventeen and eighteen. Up the stairs to the right,” then went back and forth with thank yous as they clumsily took their keys, then started deliberating about luggage when Walter offered to take the suitcase off of Misty’s hands.

“Just one room under y/n l/n is fine, please,” you said simply. You saw Misty and her new boyfriend exchange an appalling look and you had to refrain from laughing.

“Room nineteen,”

“That’s great, thanks” You dropped your things upon entry, but gently placed your plant in its bed on the nightstand before collapsing on your bed with a long sigh. Of course, you'd need to get up and change, but for now, lying on your back in a bed that wasn’t yours was all you could feel like doing. That is till you got up from said bed and disappeared into the bathroom, returning with a small paper cup of water that you set on the nightstand as you sat on the edge of the bed. You tentatively opened the bag that held your plant and took it out, setting it on the stand to be out and in the fresh air. You gave it a light drink from the cup before you returned to the bathroom for a shower.

-💚-

You were woken by Misty’s knock at you’re door bright and early at seven-thirty and back on the road by eight after grabbing complimentary breakfast to go. It was a rather long drive to wherever you were going, but you once again found ways to fill the time. That is till Walter took a screeching u-turn that almost caused a car crash on a winding, wet wooded road, but that was a conversation for later. You pulled up beside them and followed as they now stood excitedly outside a green gate that happened to have a matching bee on it. All you carried with you was your tote bag with your plant tucked away inside. Why you felt the need to bring it, you weren't sure, but it felt necessary.

“The bee is where the purple people are!” Misty insistently explained.

“Ok, do we need to call them ‘the purple people”

“Well, yes, but that's only till we get a better name for them. But anyway,” without another word of it, Misty ducked under the gate herself and began walking up the road.

“Ok, we’re getting hit by a car if we do that-” you started but she shook her head.

“It'll be fine. It looks decently short,”

“Well what about my car?” you urged.

“Just lock it! Who’s pulling over in the rain to rob an unattended car out here?” you sighed with exasperation.

“I dunno, maybe people from the cult we’re actively visiting,” you mumbled to yourself.

“What was that!”

“Nothing!” you huffed, following after Misty and now Walter, who had started moving shortly after her. She’d been right though. It was a rather short walk with no cars. You found yourself in what looked like a parking lot in the middle of the woods blocking off yet another road with an even larger fence in front of it. Misty and Walter were actively messing with an intercom system that seemed to have worked as they excitedly returned to your side.

“Alright, so the man on the other end, I think his name was Jack or Jackson- anyway, he’s getting Natalie and she's coming to meet us here,”

“But what about Lottie?” Misty adjusted her glasses and folded her arms with a shrug.

“I thought we could have Natalie confirm that, because we know she’s in there-”

“You don’t believe me,” you interrupted as she began trailing off.

“Well, we do not want to be making outlandish accusations to strangers, I mean-” she got easily distracted by the sound of someone walking down the pebbled path.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Nataline started with heavy irritation.

“Oh, thank God you're safe,” Misty would have hugged her by now had the gate not been in her way.

“Safe? What are you talking about?” her attention turned to you and her eyes widened with further confusion “Hi, y/n,” she added tentatively. You awkwardly waved as she gave you a nod.

“And who the fսck is this?” she gestured to Walter now.

“Walter,” he simply introduced himself with a wave and a light chuckle before going on. “I've heard nothing but wonderful things about you” Natalie scrunched her nose, clearly not caring all that much about what impression Misty had given him of her upon first meeting.

“We're here to rescue you!” Misty eagerly interjected again. “I mean, you-you were kidnapped, right?”

“No. Uh, yes, technically I was, but it's no big deal, okay?” the notion that Natalie’s kidnapping wasnt that big of a deal was bewildering to Misty as seen on her face, but honestly you understood her reaction.

“Lottie sent some people for me, but I'm not being held against my will,” she muttered, twisting her neck as she spoke. “Well, not anymore” It was now your turn to perk up.

“I'm sorry, Lottie?”

“I told you she was here,” you hissed through your teeth at Misty, moving closer to the fencing.

“Wait- as in Lottie? Lottie, who was committed to a mental institution in Switzerland? That Lottie?”

“Yes, Misty, that's the one,” Natalie turned to you once more “I'm assuming you had your theories or whatever?”

“Oh, I’m not here with them-” you paused. “Ok, originally I was coming here all on my own, but we ran into each other, and well,” from there you gave up.

“Wait, Natalie, Natalie!” Misty derailed the conversation once again. “You're gonna have to elaborate,

“Look, she runs a place here, and she's helping me reflect or whatever. So, you and your Hardy Boy can go home,” she looked Walter up and down again about Hardy Boy.

“But…”

“I'm doing a fսcking thing here, Misty. I don't need you getting in my way,” she’d lost patience with the blonde’s interruptions and persistence and in all honestly, you felt bad for her given how she shrank back at the raised tone. But she quickly toughened back up, turned on her heels, and marched back in the direction you'd come.

“She seems nice,” Walter tried to lighten the mood. Natalie sighed with either exhaustion or irritation, watching them go before her eyes drifted to you, still standing in front of her. “You’re not done too?”

“Natalie, I need to see her,” she let out a scoffish chuckle and sighed through her nose.

“Oh, I’m sure you do,”

“I’m serious, Natalie,”

“Oh no, I can tell you are, don’t worry. Just- just give me a minute, alright. Let me ask my guy,” she began to turn but waited for you to nod before actually leaving. You stood still, turning to check your surroundings once more just to be as sure as possible. Natalie returned quite quickly with a man behind her. She shrugged, seeming surprised by the verdict herself as the gate’s electric lock began to unlatch letting you in.

“Uh, my car is still parked with some of my things,” Natalie was already shaking her head.

“We can have someone come and retrieve it all later,” Natalie’s companion started ad Natalie turned, already heading up the hill for a second time.

“But you're not gonna need it!” she yelled behind her. Due to her eagerness to leave the scene, you were left walking beside the strange man who let you in.

“So, I'm assuming you’re Jack or…” you drawled off but he chuckled, appreciating your intention.

“Jeferson,” he cleared.

“Right, ok. Nice to meet you,” you nodded, your hands clutching quite tight to the straps of your tote bag. “Look, I don’t mean to sound rude, but I’m only here to see Lottie not join your… well join whatever you're up to,” he laughed again and nodded.

“Don’t worry. She knows you're here,” a shive rushed down your spine as you realized what was happening. “I’m instructed to take her to you, actually,”

“Oh. wow, that’s just great. Yeah, great,” you whispered to yourself as you bit your lip, questioning if this was going to be a good idea after all. When you looked up again, taking a deep breath you were met with quite a beautiful scene before you. It was a nice, well-organized camp on a lake with cabins and what you assumed were social areas all around and throughout the woods. You paused for a moment to take it in and wonder, did Lottie make all of this?

“Charlotte is waiting this way, Ms. l/n,” Jeferson interrupted your wonderings.

“Mhm, I’m coming,” you had to manually tell your feet to move before you could follow him to the separate cabin that must be Lottie’s. He had already walked up the stairs by the time you approached the porch, taking a moment to appreciate its handiwork before trudging up the creaking wood. Jefferson opened the door but didn’t enter, only gesturing for you to go in.

“Charlotte will be here as soon as she can step away,” he explained as you cautiously walked in. You nodded, turning around to give him your thanks but he was already shutting the door, leaving you to your own devices. For a moment you stood completely still, watching the wooden door anticipating her walking in at any second, but after a few seconds of stillness, your foot began bouncing with building anxiety squeezing at your chest.

“Shit,” you hissed, turning to look around your surroundings and find something to help you calm down. You put your bag on the table, but take the time to take the plant out and set it beside your bag. You rubbed your sweating palms on your pants and began to wander around the single room you found yourself in. Her main space was split into a small lounge-ish office space with a kitchen on the other half.

You assumed the bathroom and her bedroom were down in the back of the cabin and with a craning of your neck you could see in one of the rooms but you decided it best to leave that be. Wandering around the office space you ran your fingertips over the edge of her desk. You peaked over the edge, curiosity winning momentarily before you restrained yourself, instead turning to the art hung on her wall featuring deer and other wilderness things before resigning yourself to the couch facing her desk.

You flopped down rather unceremoniously but couldn't help sitting stiff, hunched forward with your knee bouncing in anticipation. Your eyes trained on her desk again, which was mostly bare of anything decor-like other than the two small picture frames. You forced yourself to look away till your nerves kicked in again and you were back up and taking the large one into your hands. It featured a classic team photo of the soccer team back in high school, but earlier on during your sophomore year.

You chuckled lightly scanning over the baby faces your old friends used to have. Having something familiar to look at was relaxing, you decided. Maybe not the most morally correct thing, but this was an exceptional situation. So, you moved on to the small one, thinking none of it till she got a look and your heart dropped again. Pressed pristinely against the glass was an all too familiar flower, nearly identical to the one you'd been carrying for the past day and a half. Only this one had far more wear to it, clearly showing its age. It had faded in color over time, taking on hues of parchment brown rather than the vibrant purples you’d been familiar with. You traced over the shapes of the petals, likely dry and dusty to the touch by now over its safety net of glass. That is till you heard the carbon door abruptly shut.

And oh, she was perfect. She was sickeningly, stunningly perfect but all you could do was freeze where you stood, grip tightening around the small wooden frame in your clasp out of fear you might drop it if you didn’t squeeze tight. And she stood just as stunned at you. Age had encompassed her face all this time, but it was still her face. The one you had ingrained in your mind, so much more detailed than any photograph. You felt your chin begin to quiver.

“Please tell me you didn't hold on to that all these years" You had to force it out with your breath ad your brow bowed with the strain of keeping it together. And then she laughed. She laughed her laugh, now blossoming with the beautiful thing that is age, just as every other part of her was. She moved toward you as though she was floating. She took her caftan off so smoothly it was like the breeze itself removed it for her. And before anything else, she took the frame from your hands, fingertips brushing together only for a moment. She returned it to its place before shakily turning back to you, tears drizzling from her eyes as she smiled.

“How could I not,” she murmured with a laugh full of exasperated joy as though she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Her hands hovered over your arms as though she feared touching you would break the illusion, but with the way your lip trembled and tears rolled from your eyes as you held back a strangled sob she couldn’t refrain herself. It all felt so new and old all at once and oh, how overwhelming she was, her hands cupped at your face, thumbs stroking at your tears as you let it all go, sopping into her.

Just as she had years before she murmured sweet nothing promising that you were safe and you were here, but not only you. After so much time she needed the reassurance of reality just as much. She pulled you in, just as before and your nose found its rightful place in the curve of her neck as her cheek found your scalp. She held you up and close as your knees began to shake and you had to grip onto her shoulder blades for what felt like dear life. You needed to feel her to truly know that she was here, she was real and she was yours, as were you.

#fanfiction requests #fic request #◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ kay's at it again♡#yellowjackets fanfic #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets requests #yellowjackets #lottie matthews #lottie matthews x reader #yellowjackets spoilers

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writergirl3 · 1 year

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4 Town x Pregnant Reader

I can't remember who requested this, but thanks for the idea! Hope y'all like this💜

Warnings; Mentions of pregnancy (obviously) and discomfort/pain. Fem reader, not proofread.

Taglist; @takemichiluvr @jessexselinalover @aaronzsbiggestsuperfan @4townlove @magicbratt @4townenthusiast @local-she-wolf @4townn (If I missed you off the list, or you wanna be added, lemme know!)

Robaire;

As is the case with all the boys and their partners, Robaire would put you, and his unborn child, first. No questions asked. There's a big important meeting to sign new contract with the label? If you're not 100%, he will not be attending.

Ro is definitely the type to do that cute headphones-over-your-bump thing, playing music to your child. And he mostly chooses soothing French tunes like 'La Vie En Rose'. Although he did joke about recreating the 'Baby Got Back' scene from friends. If you hadn't refused, he for sure would've played it.

He's definitely cool, calm and collected. And it's not even an act. He has faith in you and your strength, and in whatever higher being that's up there. He sees your pregnancy as an obstacle-ridden journey, but he treasures the highs and the lows.

Jesse;

Definitely becomes an expert on pregnancy overnight. You're already at an advantage with him being a Dad of two already, and he has so much good advice. When it comes to pregnancy, though? He has quite a lot to learn. He'd already broken up with the mother of his two kids before they were born, so he's lacking in that area. But, fear not! There will be a mountain of pregnancy books on his side of the bed, and yes, he does read them all before you give birth.

Because of this, he's amazing at helping you through the hurdles. He has the magic remedy for morning sickness, cravings, and cramps. And if you find your anxiety spiralling, or mood up and down? He holds you close and gently coaxes you through the rough patches.

He's as responsible and caring as Robaire is calm, but secretly, Jesse is flapping on the inside. Please make sure that you check in with him too. He often worries about how the dynamic will change when you become a family of five, despite being so excited for it all. Remind him of that, and pregnancy with Jesse by your side will be a breeze.

Aaron T;

Oh Lord. I won't lie, he's pretty clueless in every respect. It took him a while to cotton on to what a period is, so the idea of a human baby growing inside your belly? Yeah, it freaks him out.

I feel like the pregnancy may not have been planned, too. So, he was a bit of a panicked mess when you broke the news to him. But, nevertheless, he's always wanted kids and couldn't imagine going into parenthood with anyone but you.

He definitely uses your pregnancy as an excuse for things. But in the best possible way! Like, if there's a press conference or something that he really couldn't care less about, he will be getting out of it because 'he has to be there for his baby mama'.

But he means well. You may have to talk things through with him, or be uber clear about what you need, but he'll take it all on board in a heartbeat. Because he cares so deeply for you, and treasures you and his unborn child above everything.

Aaron Z;

Right, so you know how Z is super overprotective over you and will literally bark down anyone who directs any negativity your way? Well, when you're pregnant, that increases tenfold.

He's definitely pretty anxious about it all, and that manifests into his usual perfectionism. Often, he'll have what you need ready before you even know you need it. You can thank his amazing observation skills, and general adoration for you, for that.

I feel like he'd be quite similar to Jesse, but just a little more stern about it. But not in a bad way! Like, if he notices you wincing when you reach down for something, he will insist on massaging your back right away. And no, he won't accept 'no' for an answer.

But he's also very sweet and sentimental. Sometimes you'll just catch him watching you, maybe while you're balancing a plate of food on your bump while you watch TV, and he'll just have so much love in his eyes. And it's all because you're carrying his child, and he can't wait for a lifetime of memories with you and his little one.

Tae Young;

He's for sure pretty anxious. Sometimes, it'll be you comforting him instead of the other way around. As is the case with T, I think your pregnancy would likely be unplanned, so he worries a lot about what his family and the label will say.

But once he realises what a gift your pregnancy is, he won't able to wipe the smile off of his face. He'll pepper your bump with kisses on a daily basis and spend his evenings off brainstorming names for you. I feel like he'd also start a scrapbook of your pregnancy so that you have it to look back on together.

Your pregnancy is a huge opportunity for growth and reflection for Tae. He knows that his parents probably won't approve, and being a father may not help his image as a boyband member, but he doesn't care. He's going to start a family with you and, in his eyes, that's one of the most precious of life's experiences. He vows to give your unborn child all the nurturing love that he needed when growing up. And he hopes that being parents will strengthen the love you share, too.

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nightlytoxicpassion · 10 months

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Dirty Desires with Kaeya! (kink and fetish list)

MDNI. Gender neutral reader. Poor writing and grammar.

Small note: I wrote this with yandere Kaeya in mind but, this can be read as normal Kaeya.

(Kinks) Enjoys but doesn’t need in order to get off:

Bondage: Kaeya enjoys being on both the giving and, receiving end. Something about being wrapped up for your partner is exhilarating for him. Prefers soft silks over using cuffs and, rope, Thinks they’re too rough, and being rough with you isn’t romantic.

Wax play: It’s arousing having hot wax drip on his chest as you ride him. The little pricks of pain just add to all the pleasure you’re giving him, plus the small marks are a nice reminder of you. However he isn’t a fan of dripping wax on to you. You’ll have to beg for him to do. He’ll always quickly cool the wax with his cold hands before hastily kissing the red marks.

Bathing: Although bathing together isn’t always sexual, and he really just wants to have a sweet moment with you. It can lead to more if you’re willing to lead the charge. It’ll really not hard to get him hard in this situation, you’re both naked pressed against one another. It’s so intimate and romantic. Oh if you add some roses, sweet smelling oil into water and light some candles he’ll be over the moon.

Massages: Love giving and getting massages, how could he not? Taking care of any pain or stress you have. Listening to the little groans you make, feeling your soft skin relax under his touch. Or having you give him a massage is amazing. Your hands oiled up and rubbing him all over. Kaeya will cum un-touched. Don’t worry he’ll give you a happy ending as well.

Sleepy sex: Waking up to the love of his life is amazing as is but, after a long night of love making; he’ll still want to give you even more love. Despite being tired himself, he’ll gently kiss you awake. Hands gliding down your thighs - barely touching your sensitive parts. It’s not even really sex; more of humping or, cock warming. Some times he’ll penetrate you but it’s not a must.

Orgasm control/Teasing: Hates being told not to cum, or being teased. He wants what he wants, being told no is a bit of a turn off for him. With that said he loves loves loves controlling your orgasms. Teasing you by ignoring the parts he know you want touched or, by pulling away last second. Kaeya adores seeing, and hearing how much you want him. Only does this once or twice (if he’s feel like being a little mean) he a giving lover so he can’t not give you what you desire.

Overstimulation: This only happen if he’s really horny. It’s completely on accident the first time it happened, he didn’t mean to keep going but, you felt too good wrapped around his cock. Those little stops and it’s too much, drive him crazy. He won’t ever over do though, if you really want him to stop just say your safeword and he’ll stop. Low key loves when you do it to him but, gets super winded afterward. He never wants to be the first one to tap out.

(Fetishes) Needs one of these to happen in order to get off:

Dirty talking: Kaeya is known for his honey words and, that follows right into the bedroom. He will say the filthiest things you’ve ever heard. Frankly with the way he talks you might have a orgasm from that alone. He really loves it when you start talking dirty back to him. Having you communicate your need is such a perverted way is something he needs you to do. If you’re more of a quiet lover that’s fine, he’ll get you talking in no time.

Spiting: He love it super wet and messy. Doesn’t matter how wet either you are, he wants it more wet. Your spit or his it doesn’t matter to him. Kaeya also loves it if you drool on him when he’s fucking you so good that you can’t help yourself.

Cum eating: Okay now this is where he gets super nasty. Kaeya goes fucking feral at the thought of you eating his cum, because the idea of being in you in such a taboo way is very arousing to him. He thinks its a bit sweet too like; he’s nourishing you with his vitamin C serum. This logic works both way, your cum or slick are a nice sweet treat before the main course.

Food: Kaeya has this ultimate fantasy of finding you nude in your candle lit room, surrounded by rose petals and with body covered in sweet treats. Your nipples and genitals covered with whipped cream, honey drizzled over your thighs, heart shaped sprinkles litter you body. After licking you clean and of him getting a good taste if both whipped cream and your cream. Kaeya will fuck you so hard make passionate love to you. For aftercare he’ll take you to go the bath but, it’ll be filled with wine. Feeding you chocolate covered strawberries, getting a kiss after each one. Despite this being a big fantasy he has, Kaeya won’t tell you so a long time. Guess he has to keep sucking on your lip after having dessert.

Snowballing: Pretty much the this is a mix of the cum eating and food kink. You eat your cum and, he eats his. I don’t know what else to write. He just likes it, and that’s just a fact.

Sweating: You know how when you work out and get a good sweat going, it means you’ve done a good job? Yeah Kaeya has the same mentality. If you’re not sweating by the end it feels like he’s done something wrong, wants you really hot and bothered. Also not to mention but... He does love how you smell afterwards. Your sweet musky scent with heavy smell of sex is amazing to him. Even likes the fact that you two get stuck together when you cuddle, making it all that harder for you to pull away from him.

Dacryphilia (Crying): Never wants to see you in tears, let alone to have him be the cause of your tears. Although seeing you tear up and have a smile of your face as you beg for him not to stop? Yeah you’re going to be crying every night if he can help it. Sweetheart damn near cries himself when your eyes started fill up, think he’s hurt you. Apologizing none stop, he’ll need to be reassured that you were just really enjoying it.

#yandere genshin impact #genshin impact smut #genshin imagines #yandere kaeya #yandere smut #kaeya x reader #kaeya x reader smut #kink list #smut #genshin impact x reader

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shinidamachu · 7 months

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CHAPTER TEN: Can I Have This Dance?

SUMMARY: “and I’d choose you. In a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.” – Kiersten White. For each chapter, a prompt from the One Hundred Ways to Say I Love You list. WORDS: 1.570 GENRE: fluff FANDOM: Inukag FORMAT: multichapter ALSO FOUND ON: AO3

Kagome was many, many things. That much, Inuyasha knew.

Impossibly kind, of course, was one of them.

He had heard of kindness before, even held it for a while, back when he didn’t know just how easily it could slip through his fingers. Then he grew to learn he wasn’t worthy of it and figured if he didn’t deserve it, neither did everyone else.

Kagome, however, had different ideas. Her kindness was a miracle thrusted upon a non believer. He dared not to pray for it, mocked the ones who had faith such a thing even existed, but experiencing it firsthand still brought him to his knees at the end of the day. To share her generosity with the world so freely was bold, if a little naive. To share her generosity with the likes of him? It was nothing short of incredible.

Add courageous to the list. Kagome was so, so brave, it surprised and scared him in the very same amount. It was a strange balance between reverent pride and inadequate fright, because she was his to protect and yet not his at all.

She was smart, too. Or at least one might say she was. Inuyasha wouldn’t. A smart girl would have left long ago without thinking twice when he offered the chance. A smart girl wouldn’t keep on coming back. And he could have never, ever blamed her for it.

Gorgeous. There was no denying that she was. Even though, for reasons Inuyasha wasn’t quite ready to explore, he couldn’t help but deny it, especially to himself.

And sure, after a lot of practice — and a whole lot of failure — the girl became a formidable fighter with a bow on her hand and some arrows in her quiver.

Yes, Kagome was many, many things.

But she wasn’t at all graceful. In fact, Kagome was the type of person to stumble over her own two left feet. On flat surfaces. Constantly.

Then why couldn’t he take his eyes off of her? Why were they so obstinate on following her every fumbling move as she danced — tried to dance — with the villagers in this silly little festival of theirs?

If Inuyasha had it his way, they would never have stopped for that sort of useless distraction, not when they were in the middle of a world changing quest. Staying put did nothing to nudge them towards their goal, nor did it soothe that feeling inside, urging him to keep going, reminding him that he wasn’t allowed to waste time, that the enjoyment of the simplest things caused a false sense of security he couldn’t afford, a happiness he wasn’t permitted.

Besides, bad things always seemed to happen whenever he decided to stay around humans — other than his own — for too long. Still, it was four against one. Again. And Inuyasha had to admit: the prospect of warm, seasoned food wasn’t exactly unappealing.

The village was an explosion of vibrant colors, cheerful sounds and appetizing smells. Inuyasha didn’t know or cared about what there was to celebrate. The plan was short and clear. Eat. Get some rest. Then leave at first light.

That was until Kagome thought it was a good idea to drag Shippo to the direction where the music was coming from.

To Inuyasha’s surprise, not a single nose twitched. Nobody screamed obscenities or ran for the hills. Shippo’s presence was welcomed into the dancing crowd like he was just another person. Like it didn’t matter who he was, what he was.

But Inuyasha remained grounded.

He had made that mistake once or twice: letting his guard down, thinking it might be different this time around, only to pay the price at the end.

Although Shippo was a demon, a seemingly inoffensive kid didn’t pose as much of a threat as Inuyasha, with his sharp claws and fangs. The best course of action was to not push his luck and keep a low profile. That way, they could co-exist in relative peace.

Worst case scenario he would get to watch while Kagome danced.

He smirked.

Her unusual clothes made her stand out in an almost comical manner, but Inuyasha had no doubt he’d recognize her anywhere, anytime, even if they didn’t give her away.

There were flowers all over Kagome’s wild hair, their soft shades contrasting with her dark onyx. She was doing her best to keep up and, ever the fast learner, was struggling considerably less to do so now than at the beginning. Barefoot, Kagome would laugh at any missed steps and fall right back in the rhythm, delighted to merely be there, trying.

It was a sight to behold, the way she inadvertently brightened the entire place, the way she captured the attention of everyone present without even meaning to.

“Enjoying the view, I see.”

“Fuck off,” Inuyasha replied, pushing Miroku’s suggestive face away, promptly returning his gaze to Kagome.

Their eyes locked and she smiled, enthusiastically waving for him to join her. Inuyasha refused the offer with a shake of head that held more politeness than he usually would care to show for anyone else, flattered that she’d even thought to ask.

Kagome rolled her eyes good-naturedly and went back to dancing, knowing him too well to act surprised.

“It’s not chivalrous to deny a dance to a lady.”

“Good ‘cause I ain’t no gentleman.”

“Just dance with her already. You know you want to.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Leave him alone, Monk,” Sango finally chimed in, “he obviously doesn’t have the guts.”

Inuyasha scowled at her, coming dangerously close to taking the bait, but recognized it for what it was in time.

“This isn’t gonna work, ya know?”

“Well, then maybe this will.”

Sango pushed him and suddenly Inuyasha found himself surrounded by swirling villagers. His brain went into overload, desperate to decide what would be less mortifying: slowly retreating and giving Sango the satisfaction of calling him a coward or… dancing.

That’s when Kagome saw him — her contagious smile growing into a full beam — and reached for him. So he opted for what felt right, for what felt natural.

He went to her.

Inuyasha was painfully aware of how stupid he looked. How was it possible to feel more comfortable fighting demons twice his size than following a goddamn choreography?

Against all odds, he persisted, determined to cross the distance between them. Only every time they got close, the steps demanded them to move in opposite directions.

A lot of clapping, swinging and twisting later, Inuyasha was at the verge of giving up when, by some miracle, they got face to face. His excitement lasted all of the two seconds it took for the music to end and the crowd to disperse. They stood there, a tad bit breathless, a tad bit awkward. Inuyasha scratched his head while she blushed, both avoiding eye contact at any costs. Kagome mumbled something about finding Shippo and left him wondering if she was as disappointed as he felt.

Everything went smoothly and uneventfully from there. Miroku and Sango had the decency to keep their mouths shut and the food was, indeed, fantastic. They set camp on the outskirts of the village — there were no huts available, so Miroku didn’t even try to pretend that granting them the Shogun’s quarters was essential to eradicate the supposedly great evil that lurked the area — and bathed on the nearby river, where Inuyasha was headed.

His friends had turned in for the night, but sleep evaded him. Every time he closed his eyes, Kagome was there, dancing like a dream: beautiful and just out of his reach. His mind made a point out of burning the images to memory and replaying them in the sweetest kind of torture.

He was filling Kagome’s canteens with water, figuring it would be wise to use his restlessness to get at least one chore out of the way come morning, when his ears twitched at the unmistakable sound of her approach.

“Inuyasha?”

“Hey! Watcha doin’ up?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

“Refilling.”

“Is that so?” He didn’t reply, so after a pause she continued, “I had fun earlier.”

“Yeah, I know.” Inuyasha cleared his throat, then confessed, “me too.” Even though I’m not supposed to, he mentally added.

“Can I have this dance?”

That caught him completely off guard. Inuyasha genuinely thought their chance had passed.

Kagome took the canteen out of his grasp and put it safely on the ground, his heart lapping furiously at the accidental brush the gesture caused. She reached her hand again, the same way she did before, waiting for his answer.

Inuyasha tilted his head.

“There’s no music.”

“I don’t mind, I just… I wanted to dance with you today.”

It was all he needed to hear in order to get up and take her warm hand with his cold, wet one, watching as she ever so gently interlocked their fingers without seeming to care.

They looked at each other, their noses nearly touching until Kagome set the pace, using their connected hands to spin herself away from him only to then step back into his hold, her cheeks now against his chest, her other palm resting on his shoulder. Inuyasha snaked an arm around her waist and they swayed in place under the moonlight.

It was nothing like the gleeful moves from the villagers, but in that stolen moment, Inuyasha swore.

He could hear music.

A/N.: written for @inuvember and dedicated to @goshinote as a very belated birthday gift. This was heavily inspired by that one scene in Tangled, with a touch of Delena at the end. Hope you guys enjoy.

#Inuvember #Inuvember 2023 #Inuyasha #Kagome #Kagome Higurashi #Inukag #Inukag fic #One Hundred Ways To Say I Love You #My writing

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middleearthpixie · 4 days

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Something in the night ~ Chapter Twenty-Six

Summary: Following the Battle of the Five Armies, a seriously wounded Thorin Oakenshield returns to Erebor to recuperate and eventually ascend the throne as king. With the deaths of Azog the Defiler and his son, Bolg, Thorin no longer has to worry about the bounty the Defiler placed on his head and can instead concentrate on restoring Erebor to its former glory.

Nina Carren of Esgaroth has one goal—to make Thorin Oakenshield pay for unleashing Smaug the dragon unto her home—where he destroyed the town and killed her family. The Defiler might be gone, but his bounty remains very much in place, and she fully intends to collect on it.

Finally, the opportunity shows itself for her to do just that, only to have it go horribly awry. Wounded and now at his mercy, neither Nina nor Thorin stopped to think what might happen, should things not go quite according to plan…

Pairings: Thorin Oakenshield x ofc Nina Carren

Warnings: None

Rating: T

Word Count: 2.2k

Tag List: @mrsdurin @i-did-not-mean-to @fizzyxcustard @lathalea @legolasbadass

@kibleedibleedoo @xxbyimm @arrthurpendragon @exhausted-humxn-being @knittastically

@notlostgnome @myselfandfantasy @medusas-hairband @guardianofrivendell @jotink78

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@glassgulls @evenstaredits @heilith @asgardianhobbit98 @way-too-addicted-to-fandoms

@sazzlep @night-ace @lyl1pad @mistresskayla-blog1

If you’d like to be added (or removed) to the tag list, please just let me know!

Previous chapters can be found here.

As they made their way back down from Ravenhill, Nina leaned her head against Thorin’s shoulder. “I do hate to see today end.”

“There will be others, worry not.”

“I hope so.” Her gaze alit upon the dark stone of Erebor’s façade and without thinking, she reached across with her free hand to trail her fingertips along the braid that still felt heavy against the side of her head. “Does anyone know you planned to propose to me?”

“Balin knows. He was curious when I approached him about the rune and gemstone.”

“I imagine he was.” Nina’s stomach churned, gently at first, but then with more force as they neared the main entrance. “Do you think anyone will be troubled by this?”

“Some might.” He shrugged. “But I care not, for the ones who matter will be happy for me, for us.”

“I hope so.”

“They will be.” His fingers tightened about hers. “You will see.”

She wasn’t at all as certain, but kept that to herself as he led her toward Erebor’s main gates. Once they crossed inside, the churning worsened, growing stronger still at the sounds of the chatter coming from the Great Hall.

“Ah, there you are!” A dwarf who bore an overwhelmingly strong resemblance to Thorin, almost down to his beard, hurried toward them, the colorful beads woven into his beard clacking wildly. “I was wondering where you’d gotten to.”

The dwarf halted before them, his blue eyes sliding in Nina’s directly. “Thorin? I had no idea we had a visitor.”

Thorin cleared his throat. “I was wondering how long it would take for you to find me. Dís, this is Miss Nina Carren. Nina, this is my sister, the Lady Dís of Erebor.”

Although she knew woman dwarves also bore facial hair, since Narnerra certainly did, Nina was still taken aback by Thorin’s sister. She’d never seen a brother and sister who could almost pass for identical twins. Still, she managed to smile. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, my lady. Thorin has spoken of you often.”

“Has he?” Dís’ eyes warmed slightly as she smiled at her brother. “He’s been somewhat tight-lipped about you, I’m afraid.”

“Dís.” Thorin’s voice was low, with a hint of warning woven into that one single word.

“Oh, I mean no insult,” Dís added, a smile creeping across her lips, stretching up toward her eyes. “But, he has been and I’ve been more than a little curious about you since you arrived in our infirmary.”

Nina couldn't quite tell if the lady was being friendly or merely polite, so she erred on the side of caution and said, “I do hope my arrival didn't through your city into an uproar. I—I’d seen the orcs bearing down on His Majesty and couldn’t sit back and do nothing.”

“No, of course not. And I am ever so grateful you chose to do something.” A bit more warmth shone in Lady Dís’ blue eyes. “And I am very happy to make your acquaintance, Miss Carren. We don't often have Daughters of Man in Erebor.”

“You should probably be forewarned then,” Thorin said with a hint of a smile. Nina swallowed hard and braced for Lady Dís’ approval to become disapproval when he added, “For I have asked for Nina’s hand and she has accepted my proposal.”

Lady Dís looked from her to him and back. “Is this true?”

Nina nodded. “It is, yes.”

“See for yourself.” Thorin caught her braid in his hand, cradling the gemstone and rune in his palm.

Lady Dís’ eyes widened. “Well, this is certainly joyous news,” she said, looking back up with a smile. “And an offer of congratulations to you both. You know,” she turned to Thorin, “this will call for a celebration.”

“I expected no less from you, Dís,” he replied, grinning as he added, “I’d have been worried if you’d said anything else.”

“Good. Then I will get on that immediately.”

She didn't wait for either of them to respond, but instead turned and swept back toward the Great Hall. Nina offered up a silent sigh of relief, while Thorin said, “She was the one you really had to worry about and since I’d say she is not troubled in the least by our news.”

“A relief, that.”

“Your Majesty.”

Nina recognized Elisin’s voice at once and without looking over her shoulder at the dwarrowdam, whose expression remained neutral. Still, she didn't miss how Thorin’s fingers tightened about hers once more as he said, “Good afternoon, Miss Elisin.”

Elisin’s gaze lowered and Nina didn’t miss the way her jaw tightened. But then, Elisin smiled as she met Nina’s eyes. “It’s nice to see you again, Nina.”

“And you as well, Elisin.”

“I’d have thought you’d have taken your leave,” Thorin broke in, and although she thought Elisin deserved all of the rudeness a body could muster, Nina still had to fight back a wince at his bluntness.

“I will be shortly. I had much to pack, since I thought I would be remaining in residence here.” Elisin turned a sickly sweet smile to Nina, which put her on her guard. “We were to be married, after all, so I’m sure Nina understands. Don't you?”

“Of course.” Nina bobbed her head, and it took every bit of will she possessed to keep smiling, even as the less-than-courteous side of her wanted to point out that she really had no place in Erebor at all. “I do hope you’ll find it in your heart to join us in our celebration this evening.”

Elisin offered up a nearly imperceptible flinch. “I plan to leave come the morning, so I suppose I might, yes. After all, I do enjoy a good party. Tell me, will your family be in attendance?”

Thorin’s fingers tightened about hers once more and her stomach kinked sharply, but her smile never wavered as she said, “I’m afraid I lost my family when Smaug struck Esgaroth.”

Sympathy flooded Elision’s face and her smile faded as her eyes went round. “Oh, I am terribly sorry to hear that. I had no idea.”

“No, why would you?”

“Even so…” Elisin looked from her to Thorin and back. “I am truly sorry, but I have to admit, it does explain things a bit more clearly.”

“Explain things?” Thorin asked.

She nodded. “Yes, as to how she came to be with you and all. A lone woman trying to survive. I can understand that. But,” her lips pursed slightly, “the one thing I don't understand is why you kissed me that afternoon, Thorin. I mean, you mentioned nothing about Nina and yet…”

Nina stiffened at that. He’d kissed this dreadful creature?

That wasn't what he’d told her.

“But, the more I thought about it, the more time I spent with Elisin—and before you ask, I did nothing with her, not even a kiss—the more I realized I missed you, Nina.”

“Not even a kiss?”

He smiled. “Not even that. I love you, and you are my One. Once a dwarf finds his One, all other women cease to exist as far as he is concerned.”

Nina looked up at him, waiting for him to scoff at Elisin’s obvious lie. However, her gut kinked sharply when instead of refuting the lie, Thorin blushed. And when she looked back at Elisin and saw the triumphant glint in the dwarrowdam’s eye? Those kinks worsened.

But, she would not give Elisin the satisfaction of knowing her words got to her, so Nina merely smiled and said, “Well, it’s hardly a crime to kiss someone, you know.”

“Perhaps amongst Men, it isn’t,” came Elision’s smooth reply, “but for us? Oh, it is a very big step to take.”

“Elisin, it was a mistake, it what it was,” Thorin broke in, his voice low and growly. “And I think it might be best if you took your leave now, instead of waiting until morning.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble if she wishes to stay and celebrate our betrothal,” Nina told him, this time squeezing his hand. “After all, I know how dwarves enjoy a good party.”

Thorin turned toward her. “That wouldn’t trouble you, mesmel?”

Nina shook her head. “Not one bit, no.”

“If you’re certain.”

“I am.”

“Very well.” He turned back to Elisin. “Then if you wish to join us this evening…”

“Of course.” Elisin bobbed her head. “I would love to.”

“Then we will see you later.” Thorin glanced down at Nina. “Shall we continue on?”

“Of course.”

With that, they strolled past Elisin and Nina was fairly certain the dwarrowdam’s eyes burned into her back as they did so, but she managed to ignore it until they were nearer to the Great Hall. Then, she glanced up at Thorin, easing her hand from his. “I thought you told me you did not kiss her?”

“Nina… I—it wasn't something I planned to do, but it happened in the moment.”

“So… you lied to me about it?”

“I didn't think it a big enough thing to tell you.”

“But you thought it a big enough thing to tell me—with emphasis, I might add—that you did not do it.”

“It was only a kiss. That’s it. One kiss.”

“That you told me never happened.”

“Nina, you and I were not a couple, and I thought, for all intents and purposes, that I was to marry Elisin. As far as I knew, you and I would never cross paths again.”

“And yet, you claimed you missed me so much, that every moment you spent with that horrible creature, you realized you missed me all the more. So, was that a lie as well?”

“Why are you getting so angry over this, Nina?” He folded his arms over his broad chest and stared down at her. “It meant nothing, just as she means nothing.”

“Is that so?”

“Aye, it is.”

“So, then why lie about it?”

“Well… I was hoping to avoid—” he waved his hand back and forth between them—“this.”

“I’d say that worked like a charm, wouldn’t you?”

“Nina, it was a harmless kiss.”

“If it was so harmless, you would have told me about it. And since you lied about something this small, what else have you lied to me about where she is concerned?”

Irritation flashed in his eyes, which didn't trouble her at all, as her own gut churned with aggravation as well. “What makes you think I’ve lied about anything else?” he growled.

“You did not just ask me that with a straight face.”

“I did and I mean it, what makes you—”

“You lied about a kiss, Thorin, which is nothing earth-shattering, or so you claim. So, what earth-shattering things have to lied to me about, then? Did you touch her? Did you sleep with her?”

Her voice rang out across the corridor and he stepped up to close the space between them. “If you don't mind, I’d rather not share our private business with everyone within earshot.”

“And I’d rather you’d chosen to be honest with me.”

“Oh, the way you’ve always been so honest with me? Because it seems to me, you’ve done enough lying of your own, haven’t you?”

She gaped at him, her belly a tangle of furious knots now. “And there it is. I knew it would come back to haunt me one day, despite all your talk about how the circumstances of us coming together hardly mattered. Apparently, they do still matter very much to you.”

“Nina, this is ridiculous. I am sorry I lied about kissing her, but I did not think it of consequence, as it meant nothing and still means nothing.”

She stared up at him for a long moment. “Would you have ever told me, had she not done so?”

“In honesty, probably not, no. And not because I thought to hide it, but because there is nothing to tell. You were gone and I had no inkling where to even begin looking for you. And I thought she and I were going to marry. At the time, there seemed no reason to avoid it.

“But, what she didn't tell you was that the moment my lips touched hers, I drew back. Rather sharply, I’ll have you know. For hers were the wrong lips.” He closed the space between them entirely, catching her face in his massive hands. “For she was the wrong woman. And I have righted that mistake, or so I hope, for you are the right one, mesmel.”

As he spoke, his thumbs moved lightly along her cheeks and he added, “And you need know that aside from one awkward kiss, I did nothing with her.”

She met his gaze, the heat in his eyes almost physically touching her, and whispered, “You’d better not have.”

“I didn’t. But, if it wasn't for her, I would not have been in Dale that evening, either. So—”

“Don’t push it, Thorin. She gets no credit for this.”

He chuckled softly. “Very well.”

She pushed up onto her toes, her lips meeting his and as he slid his arms about her to gather her close, Nina realized it didn't matter if he’d kissed Elisin. Well, it mattered, of course, but in the end, it wasn't the most important thing.

Of course, that didn't mean she’d be sorry to see Elisin take her leave of Erebor, either. In fact, Nina would be perfectly happy to help her pack.

#Richard Armitage #AU #The Hobbit #Thorin Fic #Thorin Oakenshield #Is it hot in here?#Hobbit Fic #Romance #Hobbit Fanfic #Thorin x OC #Fan fiction #The Hobbit fan fiction

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elsfairy · 1 year

Text

DISCOMFORT ⋯ ♡ᵎ Low and behold, reader taking care of Sevika on her period.

♡ Sevika was different. She wasn't really one to ask for help, or even mention she was in pain. No matter the problem.

♡ Before you both started dating, she was dealing with it alone. All the nights she couldn't stop growling about all because her cramps hurt.

♡ Let's just say you're her nurse. At all times, even if she's not on her period.

♡ You were used to Sevika's random mumbling about not needing help but you never listened. You were at her side the minute she groaned or sighed.

♡ "Shut up, I'm helping you. Do you want me to run you a bath?"

�� Would rather take showers, but sometimes her cramps were just too much so instead, she would nod slowly. Afraid to show you how exactly how much your caring meant to her.

♡ Your survival kit. It has everything and more in there. It's with you 24/7. You could be home, curled up on the couch with her or out in the streets, walking with her and it would be in your bag.

♡ "Do you have⎯"

♡ "Of course, take the bag with you. It has everything you need"

♡ Like Sevika, you will wait by the bathroom door for her. Making a quick list of the things you will need to buy. You memorized that little kit like the back of your hand, and you wanted to make sure she had enough.

♡ Light periods don't affect her, but the heavier ones do so she's out right almost shouting at anyone who looks at her.

♡ You can tell when Sevika is due on days before. Just by seeing her demeanour and attitude change. So you're already mentally noting down the things you need.

♡ She was a dark chocolate lover, which meant you had a reason to buy her all the chocolate her heart desires. Only because she doesn't really let you buy her gifts, you were the gift she wanted. Nothing more.

♡ Of course, you never listen.

♡ Personally, Sevika enjoyed curling up on the couch more than the bed. Mainly because it was closer to the kitchen, and she craves food all the time on her period.

♡ Compared to you, she's not one to be snarky with her replies. She's pretty calm, just in constant pain.

♡ It was very different when she was on her period. Your need to touch her, make her comfortable got a lot more stronger. You would rub her back, her stomach as much as you could. Even letting her lay on your body.

♡ "Vika, do you want me to get another blanket? you're really cold"

♡ "Oh uh, yeah, yeah"

♡ Can always fall asleep when you're either brushing your fingers up and down her back or braiding her hair randomly.

♡ Will 100% nibble slowly on the snacks you brought her, zoned out watching whatever movie she decided to watch.

♡ It wasn't hard to tell if her cramps were getting worse. She scowls, moving around a lot. Sometimes she's even walking around the living room, just to get them to stop.

♡ Soup helped her a lot. No matter if she was on her period, or sick in general, she would eat it because it just made her relaxed. She also just really loved the food you made for her so that's a plus.

♡ "Babe, can you uhm, i need new pants"

♡ She hated it. She always felt really shitty about herself when it happened. It wasn't her fault. But she still felt annoyed about it.

♡ "It's alright Vika, it happens. Come with me"

♡ Fucking blushing the entire time it takes her get to the bathroom because you're too gentle and kind with her.

♡ Panics if you're not in the room when she's all done, and finished. She loves to have you around, even if she acts like she's annoyed all the time.

♡ You just have a weird habit of moving everything on the bed, to the living room. For whatever reason, she felt a lot safer on the couch during her periods. Although you didn't like that she was more further away from the bathroom.

♡ Give the woman milkshake or coffee and she's set for life.

♡ She's going to curl up between your legs, resting her head on your stomach, she's a needy girl It's alright.

♡ "I know you're in pain, but I'll do whatever to help"

♡ "Being here, with me.. it helps"

♡ Sevika hates to get emotional but sometimes with periods, she can't help it. She will cry into your hoodie, and all you could really do was wrap your arms around her tightly and comfort her. Humming or singing quietly.

♡ "I know it hurts, but I'm here"

♡ There is something about you rubbing her bare back under her shirt that makes her melt utterly. Sincerely, she's melting in seconds at your touch. But, if you run your fingers through her hair, and scratch lightly at her scalp, she's gone. She loves it too much.

♡ If she's comfortable, she's trying to climb your body like she's climbing a tree.

♡ If she's awake or asleep, you're still rubbing her stomach slowly. That really helped comfort her. And knowing you're still there.

♡ You've stopped panicking when she ends up waking herself up abruptly because you're aware of what's wrong. But it does break your heart when she sighs.

♡ "It's alright Vika"

♡ "I hate it. Why the fuck do we have this shit?"

♡ You're never going to let her deal with anything alone. Even with her periods.

♡ Oh, and? You're not forgetting about her forehead kisses. Those? made her heart ache. The good kind.

I've been writing this for so long oh my god, even took a solid 8 pee breaks damn... there is a lot i know but.....lets not talk about that.... i realised my other one was fuck all compared to this and im sorry :/ ill do better

#sevika imagine #sevika x you #arcane sevika #sevika #sevika x reader #sevika arcane #sevika headcanon #sighs happily in lesbian

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firstkanaphans · 9 months

Note

Hey there! Hope I'm not asking for too much, but could you please give us at least one of the three explicit scenes we were rubbed off? (Uninterrupted version ofc) thank you in advance🙏

Okay, first of all, I need you to know that that is the funniest typo I have ever seen in my life. Please slide back into my inbox and tell me if it was an honest-to-god Freudian slip or if you were just being clever—but either way, kudos to you for making me laugh 😂 Per your request, here is the kitchen scene (uninterrupted vers.) because y’all know I love me some domestic fluff.

For the third morning in a row, Sand woke up to find Ray in his bed. And just like the two mornings before, he couldn’t quite believe that it was real. In only a few weeks, he and Ray had gone from strangers who frequented the same bar to friends. Or, well, something like that.

Although Sand had a long list of things he had to do, he allowed himself a few seconds to just stare at the boy lying next to him. Ray always looked good, but Sand preferred him like this: sober and carefree without the usual trappings of wealth adorning his body. In Sand’s bed, with his hair un-styled and his designer clothes discarded, they almost felt like equals.

He smoothed the covers down over Ray’s still-sleeping body and then crawled out of bed, being extra careful not to wake him. Ray needed his sleep.

Every time Sand stayed over at Ray’s house, Ray would offer to feed him, so Sand felt it was only polite to do the same. He couldn’t afford the typical restaurant fare Ray offered him, but he had plenty of food in the refrigerator. He would make it himself.

He was just putting the finishing touches on breakfast when he heard footsteps behind him.

“Something smells good,” a voice said and then a pair of arms wrapped around his waist.

Sand turned to find a sleepy Ray resting with his cheek pressed against Sand’s back, still wearing the tank top and boxers he had fallen asleep in. “Me or the breakfast?” he asked.

Ray groaned at the corny joke. “It’s too early for flirting. My brain can’t keep up.” He released Sand, but he didn’t go far. He was like a puppy in that way. Instead, he just peeked over Sand’s shoulder to look at the meal he’d prepared. He let out a whistle, low and impressed. “You sure are multi-talented, aren’t you? Thug by night, cook by morning?”

Sand rolled his eyes. “I’m on my own. If I want to eat, I have to cook. Unlike you, I don’t have an Alfred.”

Ray snorted at the insult. “Asshole. I’m not Bruce Wayne!”

No, Sand was pretty sure Ray was richer than Bruce Wayne. Without a word, he picked a plate piled high with eggs, sausages, croissants, and bacon off of the counter and handed it to Ray, who stared at it as if it was poisonous.

“I can’t stomach it,” he whined, trying to hand it back. “I’m still hungover.”

“Just take a bite. Maybe it’ll help,” Sand said, refusing to take the plate. He had spent enough time with Ray to know that he didn’t eat enough. He filled up on alcohol instead. That was one of the reasons Sand had bothered to cook at all. And yet, the look on Ray’s face made it very clear the food was not going to get eaten. “Or how about a black coffee?”

Ray scrunched his nose in disgust. “I don’t like coffee.” This time when he tried to hand the plate back, Sand took it.

“Well, what about a hangover pill? That might help.”

“They never do shit for me,” Ray said, crossing his arms over his chest as if it was the pill’s fault and not the fact that he drank like a fish. He was acting like a picky, spoiled child and yet Sand couldn’t let it go. He wanted to help him.

“Water?” he offered as a last resort. Ray shook his head. Sand set the plate back down on the counter, now annoyed. “What do you usually do to get over a hangover, then?”

Ray thought about it and then finally, his face showed an emotion other than contempt. He smirked the same way he did whenever Sand undressed him and then he stepped forward to whisper in his ear. “Jerk off.”

Sand couldn’t help it. He laughed. “You’re a feisty thing in the morning, aren’t you?”

“I’m not kidding! It works,” Ray said, but he was laughing too. “When you do it, your brain releases endorphins. Take a shower after that and”—he shivered as if just the thought brought him pleasure—“it feels damn good.”

“I can’t do it when I’m hungover. I just won’t get hard,” Sand said, staring at Ray fondly. His eyes were sparkling with mirth and Sand would have been able to read the intention in them from a mile away. He had been conditioned to it now. He took a step forward. “So…why’re you telling me this?”

Ray threw his nose into the air and cocked an eyebrow, but refused to respond. Sand grabbed him by the waistband of his boxers, pulled him closer, and then let the elastic snap back against his skin. Ray jumped.

“You need help?” Sand asked.

Ray closed the distance between them, clearly pleased with the direction this conversation had taken. “Why? You want to?”

Sand did. He always did. He craved Ray the way Ray craved alcohol. He let his hand slip beneath the waistband of Ray’s boxers again, but he never broke eye contact. He wanted to see the way Ray’s eyes darkened, wanted to know that this, at least, was something he could give him.

“What if I do?” Sand asked, so close that when he spoke, his lips brushed against Ray’s. And then, heart racing, he kissed him.

The thing about kissing Ray was that you never knew which version of him you were going to get. Ray vacillated between soft and clingy, wild and passionate—usually depending on how much he’d had to drink—and in both cases, there was an undercurrent of sadness. Of anger. But today, with Ray still recovering from sleep, the negative emotions he fed with alcohol hadn’t yet had a chance to brew. He twined his arms around Sand’s neck and kissed him like he was the only thing in the world that mattered. It was an illusion, but one Sand would happily indulge. He reached around Ray and picked him up.

Ray let out a yelp of surprise against Sand’s mouth, but once he realized what was happening, he laughed. Sand spun them around, set Ray down on the counter, and for a second, they just looked at each other. Ray’s cheeks and nose were red from kissing and even without the clothes or accessories that he usually wore, he was still beautiful. Sand stripped him of his boxers, took him in hand, and began stroking him.

Ray wasn’t yet hard, but he had always been very receptive to Sand’s touch. It didn’t take long before his dick was standing to attention against his stomach, but although he was clearly enjoying himself–bucking up into Sand’s touch—he was almost preternaturally calm. Instead of focusing on his own pleasure, all of his attention was on Sand.

As Sand jerked him off, Ray let his fingers roam Sand’s face, let them stroke through his hair, let them lift his chin and force him to look him in the eyes. Ray was staring at him as if Sand was beautiful. As if what they were doing was beautiful. And it gave Sand a cursed hope. He couldn’t take it anymore. So instead, he buried his face in Ray’s neck and kissed him there.

Almost immediately, as if breaking eye contact had broken some sort of trance, Ray returned to himself. “Fuck,” he hissed, throwing his head back to give Sand better access to his neck. It took less than a minute before he was making the most desperate sounds, whining and begging for release.

So Sand gave it to him.

Ray came all over Sand’s hand with a delicious, satisfied moan that filled the whole apartment. It was the most beautiful thing Sand had ever seen.

He washed his hands in the sink and then helped Ray back into his boxers. Ray didn’t even try to help, happy to just sit there and let Sand do all the work. Once that was done, Sand picked him up and set him back down on the ground.

“Now go take that shower,” he said, smacking Ray playfully on the ass. Ray yelped in surprise, but he was smiling. “But when you’re done, you have to eat.”

“Come with me,” Ray said, taking Sand by the hand.

Sand rolled his eyes. “Come with you where?”

Instead of answering, Ray reached out and fondled the very obvious bulge in the front of Sand’s pants. “Come take a shower with me.”

“Ray,” Sand protested. This alone had already eaten up enough time in his busy schedule.

“Please,” Ray begged, eyes wide, lashes fluttering—that goddamn puppy dog pout that Sand still hadn’t learned to say no to.

“Fine,” he relented. Then he let Ray lead him by the hand into the bathroom where they had spent their first night together, both of them beaming.

#only friends the series #only friends fic #sandray #sandray fic #sarah writes things #i have a request for the balcony scene (uninterrupted vers.) as well #so tbd

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i-darling-amaflower · 3 months

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I've tried thinking about which characters in DFF are my favorite and which ones are my least favorite, but that becomes exceedingly difficult as the show progresses. The reason for this is, as many posts have pointed out, the way the show reflects reality and therefore has no "Good and Bad" no "Black and White," but instead simply has many different hues of grey. So, at the end of the day, it all comes down to one's opinion or the way one perceives a character. I will do my best to express my thoughts on each of the 9 main characters.

1. Por

The leader of the pack. He is one of the one's we're obviously not supposed to like as much; he bullied Non, he stole his work, he was two-faced, he almost killed Non. But he still has a bit of complexity added to his character what with his family situation. Ultimately, in my opinion, that does not excuse any of his actions. He is pretty low on my list.

2. Top

This is gonna be a short paragraph. I hate him. The things he did weren't as extreme as some of the things Por did, but he literally has no excuse whatsoever. He's just plain annoying, a bully with a backstory as long as his dick, which is to say nonexistent.

3. Fluke

I think he has morals? If he does he fully does not listen to them. His biggest flaw is his selfishness. I believe he would've ratted Top and Tee out when Top broke the camera if it wouldn't have caused a crack in the friendship of the group, and therefore his spot in the popular group in school. Because let's be honest, he doesn't give a rat's ass about his "friends," he doesn't wanna be a part of whatever they're doing 3/4 of the time. But his selfishness ruins what potential he might've had, to the point of him being downright creepy.

4. Tee

Now this is a character. I think his shade of grey is the perfect blend of both white and black. Yes, I obviously hate what he did, but at the same time I understand. I would rather jump off of a cliff than give someone other than myself problems, but if I was a little less like that and a little more cowardly, I think I could relate to him a lot. He wasn't as warm to Non as Jin was, but he definitely wasn't as cold as Por and Top were. And boy, does he have a past. It looks to me like he's been a part of his uncle's gang for quite a bit, which would obviously quiet the kindness in anyone's voice, if not in there whole being. He has a sick father he genuinley cares about and no other way to make money. He's in a corner. And while I believe there's always a choice, I understand why he saw the one he picked the clearest. The thing, though, is that he didn't want to hurt Non, he didn't want to bring Non to his uncle, it just wasn't as strong as his want for himself and his father to be fine. But this is what makes him stand out more than the other members of the original friend group. He regreted it. He feels guilty. It's quite literally haunting him. He never could and never will be able to escape that part of his life. He even brought Non 2.0 (aka White) right up close to himself, and he would do anything to keep White there, safe where he can see him. So while I don't like him, and he is easily one of the more everything-i-do-damages-Non characters, he is still a very interesting one.

5. Jin

I can't explain how much I hate him. When I was in elementary school there was an anti-bullying poster that said something like "a bystander that does not help is just as guilty as the bully." And although both Fluke and Jin acted as bystanders, I hate Jin more because he is under the impression that he is kind and innocent, and he is branded this way to all the other characters. Even Non believed it. He takes no responsibility for what he did, or rather, what he didn't do. I don't even think he feels guilty about what happened to Non, he so easily forgot about it. He moved on so fast for someone he saw as a "friend" or, going even further, a "crush." The most evil thing is that the change in the way he acted between the past (smiley, warm, there) and the present (frowny, cold, closed-off) was not due to the fact that he absolutely ruined this kid--someone he considered a friend--'s chance at a future by leaking a video of said kid being groomed, and then proceed to nearly (if not actually) kill this kid with the help of his friends. No, it was do to the fact that his new crush said they were just friends. That's so incredibly pathetic. I'm obviosuly not saying that crushes can't literally crush your soul, but I think he had other issues he could've been worrying about.

6. Phee

Up until episode 9 I absolutely loved him. But then he dissapointed me a bit (which he is aloud to do, he's literally still a kid; for that reason I haven't kicked him off of my list of characters I like just yet). He has a big heart, which was used to cause a lot of good, but unfortunately became his flaw. It started to grow until it out-weighed his sense of justice. I think he still loves Non and wants to know what happened to him, but not as much as he wants to forget and move on with Jin. He came to the house partly to get answers but mostly to fix his relationship with Jin. He started to like the friend group, so he wants to live in ignorance, and that I do not agree with.

7. Tan

Him and Non had a pretty weak relationship, but despite that, he still loves him (he loves his whole family, actually, even if their parents don't deserve it) deeply; deeply enough for them to be the only thing he's living for. In my--who am I kidding, the fandom's opinion, he is currently doing nothing wrong, killing people or not. He lost literally everything, and frankly, it shows. But instead of giving up, he perserved, which is more than Phee can say.

8. Non

Jesus Christ, this poor kid. A family that forgot about him while he was there, and loved him after he was gone, and a boyfriend that loved him while he was there, then quickly forgot him after he was gone. He'd never had it easy in his life and still didn't have it easy (possibly) after his life. If you think what happened with Keng was Non cheating on Phee, fuck you. Fuck you. That was grooming, Non was being taken advantage of. Although I don't really think of Phee sleeping with Jin as cheating, it was more cheating than Non and Keng. Yes, he pulled the rest of the friend group into the illegal money thing, but that was not his fault, it was Por, Top, and Tee's fault. So much shit happened to him, and none of it was deserved; I really hope he's alive and killing them.

9. White

I don't dare to have opinions on him yet because I'm really expecting a deeper backstory. I don't think he's as naive as he's letting on.

If you want to add any of your opinions, feel free to!

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fruit-sy · 6 months

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Another on my list of anime with female protags: Apothecary diaries!

My friend recommended it to me a while back and I finally got around to watching it last week. 10 episodes in, it's a really enjoyable watch!

One thing I love about this anime is that it really explores how the women survive in that world. From being a concubine to a courtesan, these women have power in these environments thanks to their talents, sharp thinking and... erm "assets". Other than that, it shows women's struggles in and out of these environments. How women will get kidnapped for their looks and how they have to keep down low in order to have some semblance of peace in their life, how to even make it up the ranks you have to be born beautiful.

Other than that, it shows problems which are completely fucked in this social hierarchy. How dispensable the lives of maids and food tasters are, how their lives are worthless compared to the concubines and how they could lose their lives if they so much as offend someone in a higher ranking.

The setting is in ancient china and yeah, a lot of things were pretty fucked back then. Like lady Lishu being 9 when she became a concubine (Throws up) and the social hierarchy, but once I acknowledge how utterly fucked some of it was and acknowledge that it's period acurate, it was a pretty enjoyable watch.

Maomao as a protagonist is really fun. She's very level headed and calm, but I love that they also gave her some room to be silly when she's passionate about doing the things she loves.

ALSO!! She can be a bad bitch as well!! I LOVE how she went off on the ladies in waiting for lady Lihua, and it really drives home her professionalism. As someone who works to better the health of other people, of course she'd be furious when the lady in waiting ignored the ban on the face powder and knowingly chose to slowly kill another person in her ignorance.

Maomao's curious and has a habit of trying to help others (especially her fellow women) when it's within her power. Though, she's very rational when it comes to things outside of her control and just chooses to move past it. Although she may seem cold, she's shown a kind of, solidarity with fellow maids who are disposable (food tasters and such) like herself as well as showing empathy for people who are suffering like lady Lihua and lady Lishu.

One thing that really stuck with me is how with lady Lihua, Maomao offered help and kept helping because Lihua wanted the help. Maomao said it herself, if lady Lihua refused to eat, then Maomao would accept it is how it is and prepare for her imminent punishment (and possibly execution) from the emperor. She is prepared to help others and see it through when they want the help. And I really admire that about her.

Another thing I like about her is that, while she isn't interested/doesn't want to put herself out there sexually, she doesn't put down other women who do! I think this comes from living in the pleasure district and Maomao having big sisters who talk about those kinda stuff with her, but even growing up near those kinds of things, she decides that it's just not what she wants to do!

She isn't interested in romance either, because that's just How She Is!

Anways, love how she knows what she wants and when it doesn't go her way, just chooses to roll past it.

Next, Jinshi... yeah he's got the looks but ok being For Real right now: I thought he was a gigantic creep in the first few (and latest) episodes. Because of his position and looks, he could get away with a lot of annoying/uncomfy stuff like getting really close and touching Maomao when she's uncomfortable with it. Also makes unwanted advancements towards her and her not having the power to refuse him too directly because of the fear of punishment because of the insurmountable gap between their social standing.

Though, even when he's still kinda condescending/doesn't respect her, I can see how he slowly starts admiring her for her strengths and begins to genuinely care for her, and that's a pretty sweet character development. Though he still doesn't respect her boundaries despite feeling affection (and having some seeds of genuine care) up to episode 10.

Alright, not so Seriously now, I am a sucker for the "popular/handsome guy thinks this chic is easy, oh whoops he fell and he fell hard" trope huehueh and that's exactly what he's going through right now!

Though, as much as their ship dynamic is a guilty pleasure of mine (one is super flirty while the other hates them with a great passion), I'm kinda hoping Maomao doesn't end up with him romantically.

I think it'd be interesting if that's just how Maomao felt, she just isn't interested in romance and if Jinshi really loves her, he has to acknowledge that no, "oh if I keep trying she'll cave eventually" is not it, and he has to respect her boundaries, regardless of their positions.

I think it'd be interesting if Maomao grew to also care for Jinshi as well, but not romantically. Caring for someone and romantic attraction don't always have to come in a package! I think it would be an interesting discussion, where both parties care for eachother but in completely different lights.

Anyways, in conclusion, I love how much of a women's perspective was put in this show. Women have power in certain areas, even if it is kinda fucked, and they have their own set of problems. Maomao is a really fun and compelling protagonist, Jinshi is kinda a creep though he has his moments, the other concubines are pretty fun (esp. Lady Gyokuyou), and the mystery and promise of character development compels me to keep watching!

#Fruit talks #Whoo here's my monthly dose of word vomit about The Thing that caught my attention this time #I actually have more thoughts (specifically) episode 9 and my hopes for this anime but maybe another time #Love maomao. you slay bitch #Jinshi is very hideously criminally Pretty and ok im into that #doesnt help that his english dub voice is KAIJI TANG and like almost all his lines are Low sing songy whispers that just aAARGHHHH #*punches wall*#*head in hands*#*pacing*#*deep breath*#im so normal about it #anime with female protags

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outeremissary · 4 months

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break and secret for Balthazar and Kasander?👀

Thanks for the question, and sorry for the delay!! These are things I can go on for ages about for most characters, haha. Personal limits and private experiences are essential in some way to me when thinking through characters. Even though I tried to keep this under control it still got really long... it's under a cut for that and the umm. Content warnings.

CW: mentions of disordered eating, self harm, suicidal ideation, and suicide

[prompt list]

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

Balthazar

For Balthazar, total breakdown is the result of being completely, inescapably trapped, especially when it shows a harsh limit on what he's able to do or be. As it is, he already sees his bounds in everything. In his mind he's always struggling through them to live the life he wants rather than what he feels the world is fencing him in to. He knows that he's weak and there's a limit to what he can control. He also knows that he's choosing something with his life that destroys his value in the eyes of others. Still, he needs to believe that he can play past the point where he should have to quit, that his cruel and self-isolating exercises in agency will give him control even if there's no other reward.

At his lowest, Balthazar shuts down near completely. He's been shown that there's nothing that can be gained by fighting; thus, the fight leaves him. He's lethargic, unresponsive, and pliant. To point to a specific incident: when his wings developed and shackled him to the inescapable image of his heritage he withdrew into himself for weeks, avoiding being in the public eye and doing nothing more than the minimum to maintain the illusion of control over his domain- and struggling to do even that. But the withdrawal felt like all he could do to assert control over his body and to shield himself from seeing the extent to which the carefully maintained narrative of himself had escaped him. It was a self-pitying, self-punishing period of neglect. He did very little beyond function. Near the beginning he stopped looking after himself more or less completely. He also stopped eating, something common to his deepest lows but made more intense by the awareness of how the wings merely existing had changed his appetite, the way they ate up energy. He interacted with them only to try to find ways to crush them down to be less visible, or to idly pick at neglected feathers. More than anything, he avoided the people who knew and cared for him. It seemed like the ugliest indignity to be seen in that state. The thought of being pitied made him nauseous.

Still, he's never seemed to have the dignity of suffering alone during any breakdown he's had in his life. No matter how he tries to isolate himself his worst moments always seem to be seen, and sometimes they've been taken advantage of as well. There's a nasty spiral to being shown how much further he can fall when he already feels helpless. He was lucky in this one though: for the most part, it was only the concerned and supportive interacting with him (except Lander, as typical for the rat). And Jaethal, who was instrumental in pressing him back into his daily tasks, wasn't one for pity- that abrasive appeal to his pride did a lot to pull him out of the state. Although she did enlist some help in following through on the more menial or overly sensitive tasks: for a time afterwards, Tristian was in charge of making sure he was eating.

Kasander

So: Kasander is an Oath of the Ancients paladin, the oath most focused on love of life and defense of its sanctity. Light, joy, life. Everything that Bhaal exists to destroy, and that Bhaal made them to snuff out. And you have to understand that Kas takes 1) takes this ungodly seriously and 2) has an extremely radical interpretation of what their oath means. Kasander is a reckless savior. Their mercy can easily be as destructive as their violence. Without very immediate threat they hate to destroy even for a greater good, not while there's still some foolish hope that somehow, the situation will turn around. Kasander has lost their oath three times over the course of BG3 and every time it has been because they've strained the concept of mercy to the breaking point: refused to kill what was lethal, refused to destroy what was tormented. And they're not exactly doing a lot of follow-through here. They hate to control others as much as they hate to condemn them. Their mercy is unconditional. They'll turn around and wait until you're gone- do whatever you want after that. To them, this is what it means to shelter life and see value in it. To just keep offering and offering. To hope against hope and against reason. It isn't as if they're naive, not really. But they're stubborn anyway. And on top of that, they don't want to pass judgment that they know would condemn them. Whatever chance they've been given they have no right to withhold.

To me, Kasander is kind of incorruptible, but that's what can destroy them: they're holding themself and the world to a standard that just isn't possible. They believe too fervently, too uncompromisingly. They're trying to be too good for good, too kind to be kind. And when the world pushes back and tells them no, that's not an answer they can accept. It's not about realism. It's about rejection. Breaking their oath over attempted mercy is being told that their best intentions and all their attempts to overcome everything the world has tried to make them still aren't enough. It makes them feel fundamentally broken. Too dirty to be saved. Far too dirty to save others.

Their lowest points are born out of that conflict between their radical idealism and their oath (or reality at large) more than the direct influence of the Urge (or actions of their siblings). In the game itself, their lowest point was probably the first time they lost their oath. In the same short period they'd endured Alfira's death, had accidentally killed innocents for Ethel, had been called a monster by people they wanted to save and accidentally killed some of the victims they tried to rescue, and when they finally thought they could do one good thing for Mayrina by putting control over her future in her hands and letting her choose what to do about her husband, that was the thing that finally shattered their oath. How much crueler could anything get? Even their attempts at atonement were too monstrous to be accepted. And there's no such thing as a private low- not with Bhaal watching, waiting for them to break completely.

In their total breakdown, they backslide more or less completely into despair. They succumb to self-destructive behavior without the hope of repairing a situation, and they're often driven by the influence, passive or active, of parts of their internal system which are already inclined to shame and self-punishment. Bride in particular holds sway in these moments: though Bride doesn't mean it with any ill will, they see suffering in everything, and they want to find accountability through self-harm and release through death. For Bride, hope is unreliable, and the hard reality is that only extreme solutions can work. It was somewhere in the halfway point between Kasander drowning in their own misery and Bride's desires to save them all from pain that they committed suicide by goading Astarion into killing them while feeding. Their death didn't stick- Shadowheart "rescued" them immediately after finding out, and they wallowed in the guilt of knowing that Astarion almost paid the price for their choices.

Though not characteristic of that particular incident, it's also not uncommon for them to withdraw very quickly and instinctually inside themself, causing someone else to switch to front. In response to distress this is usually Bride, who resolves the situation through self-punishment, or Asperia, who resolves it by lashing out. The things that cause Kasander pain don't often get to Asperia. Asperia is good at going beyond Kasander's limits. Whatever the results, withdrawing gives Kas time to calm down and return to something different.

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

Balthazar

There are a lot of things Balthazar hates to have people know about him, but some of his worst moments and deepest weaknesses have been ripped from him against his will and laid bare to the world. It gives him a strange relationship with personal secrets- most of what he doesn't want known is already out there somewhere. He's used to living in a constant state of damage control. Leaving Absalom gave him a blank slate though, and in many ways he doesn't want others to know anything at all about who he was or what his life was like before he crossed the Inner Sea and went north. As much as it makes him feel cut off from a past he mourns, he feels it's best to hide as much of it as possible through avoidance, vague answers, and lies.

In terms of more specific things though... one thing that he managed to keep from spreading too outside his immediate home neighborhood was information about his mother and about his father's relationship with her. Even before his aasimar heritage had manifested, he knew what it was like to have people look right through him, searching for someone else. He never knew much about her himself because of the way she disappeared, but speculation about her hung over his early childhood and haunted his relationship with his father. He never discusses her willingly. When people ask about his mother he tends to say that she died in childbirth, elaborating occasionally some sickly sweet additional details. His father's fiance, you see. She was young and frail, but they were in love, you understand. A beloved presence and a dearly missed one. All lies, but what a wonder a banal family sob story does for shutting down questions. Anything to stop people seizing on the knowledge she could be alive out there somewhere and thinking she ought to be found. There's no one he has less desire to know more about.

But if there was one thing he wishes he could turn into a secret that he'll never be able to, it would be his aasimar heritage.

Kasander

Despite the fact that Kasander is a painfully honest person and a chronic oversharer, there are still many things they don't want anyone to ever know about them, or to not know the extent of. It's the burden of being a Bhaalspawn: the visions, the acts, the private battles, the lapses... And more than anything, I think that Kasander doesn't ever want anyone to know how much they have suffered over the course of their life. Even Kas can't truly grasp it- like Asperia, they had very few memories before around age 9 even prior to the Tadpole Incident. And after that point there were still always long periods of patchiness. Sometimes scraps from those periods drift through when they trance, and there are dark memories they understand are bound up in the others and can't be accessed by them.

What they remember they still don't want to share. They hate for their pain, past or present, to be a burden on others and find the reactions other people have to it distressing. They know that they've experienced terrible things and that few people can understand that, and they don't want to be hurt again by others denying their experiences, downplaying them, or misinterpreting them. With most of the party members distress and pushback seem to be the norm- it's made them reluctant to confide in anyone outside themself. It also feels like they've failed other people when just talking about their past with others seems to hurt them. Jaheira is the only consistently safe person, and they're thankful beyond words for her, especially after many of their memories were restored. It's hard to imagine continuing to just push through without processing, but they couldn't process all of that alone.

There's another element to past hurt as well though: not all of it belongs to them, and that vulnerable part of the other alters is too sacred to violate by sharing even through implication. Concealing their past- their shared past- is an act of protection so natural they don't even think about it.

#this got WAY too long. it's like 2000 fucking words. and then after revising it I got nervous and held on to reread again ahaaa...#ask me emithing #ask game #balthazar lucienne #kasander #bride #asperia #balthazar is a man of many secrets and half concealed truths so there's just an infinite well of things to talk about there haha #I tried to pick something that he has managed to conceal fairly effectively for a long time.#a lot of the concepts that the first kas answer are based in came from trying to imagine an oathbreaker kas haha #kas lives to protect- both to protect others and (more importantly) to protect the other parts of the system

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