#sarah writes things

[firstkanaphans]

waiting very (im)patiently for the blp update! 💌

Chapter 10 is now up! 💛

#full disclosure: i almost deleted that first sex scene but it was already written so i figured what the hell #someone will enjoy it #enjoy 💛 #best laid plans fic #sarah writes things

[chaoticsoft]

i love you, turmeric. i love you, saffron. i love you, cardamom. i love you, coriander. i love you, cloves. i love you, fennel. i love you, cumin. i love you, fenugreek. i love you, star anise.

i love you, spices.

#i love you #i love you middle eastern and south asian spices specifically #cooking is sacred #cooking is holy #my love language #love is stored in the kitchen #cooking #turmeric #cardamom #sarah writes things #cozy kitchen #kitchencore #cottagecore

[angel-maybe-alive]

Retelings cliches that piss me the fuck off

♡Alice in Wonderland is about drugs - it could be about society, it could be about neurodivergency but no, white girl doing LSD is cooler, I guess.

♡ what if Superman was evil - then it wouldn't be Superman dumbass, like the main point of Superman is that he is a good person like it's the whole deal hyperpowerful but really good

♡actually any what if the heroes had no morals- then you are just doing Greek myths with extra steps

♡Romeo and Juliet, but one is an oppressor and the other the oppressed - Litterally, both families were in equal standing in society. Why you need to make it abusive for no reason.

♡Beauty and the beast, any reteling of beauty and the beast - no, it's not Stockholm syndrome, no a shapeshifter elf with abs doesn't count as a Beast, and Belle was a nice person In the original why everyone remakes her as a cunt.

♡my book it's just like the hunger games but...-Shut it I need you to please tell me if you understand that no, hunger games isnt just about reality television and a battle royale, I swear to God...

♡Pinocchio but it's about a robot- flower print for spring groundbreaking

♡it's inspired by the works of tolkien- no, it's a transcript of you and your group of only male friends playing dungeons and dragons while high on cheap weed at 03:00 am on the suburbs while listening to pop punk on MTV in 2003, we get it you want to bang a hot elven maiden and slain a dragon

♡is inspired by Harry potter- For the last fucking time Rowling doesn't own the concept of magic schools let go of those fucking chains and let this woman go it's a magic school book just call it that goddamn it

♡it's inspired by fairy tales - Disney version or the cultural ones because one way or the other, your childhood crush on an animated villain shouldn't be the only thing fueling your writing career.

♡it's about Greek gods...-*sigh* I don't even know where to start with those just read something other than Percy Jackson(I love percy Jackson by the way) Lore Olympus and the first page of Wikipedia on Greek mythology and then maybe spend a long time thinking if whatever you are planning to write isn't somehow more misogynistic than whatever the fuck an old Greek scholar wrote thousands of years ago okay.

♡what if (real life bigotry) was reverse - just don't for a first time writing, for someone in a privileged place in society, it's just a bad idea altogether, Dont

#anti booktok #anti sjm #anti acotar #books #anti disney #anti sarah j maas #booktok #writing #and here i go again #making lists if things i hate #to feel something #anti lightlark

[thebookbutterfly]

I love fanfic writers because they will spend days researching some niche aspect of their oneshot to make sure it’s all factual and accurate. And in the very next chapter they will write a smut scene that disregards the laws of physics, biology and good common sense.

#truly breaking out geometry formulas to try and figure this shit out #but sometimes the heart wants what newtons laws cannot provide #writing #fanfiction #writers on tumblr #fanfic #writeblr #writer things #romantasy #faerie #sarah j maas #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty #simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon ghost x reader #supernatural #doctor who #redactedverse #redacted audio

[nightlyteaandpaper]

Unseen Labor: Exploring the Undervalued Contributions in Feyre's Cabin

Feyre did not do all the work in that cabin, and I think it is dishonest to say she did. She did the physical labor, but that is not all there is to keep a household functioning. Feyre has told us she does not know how to cook, so who was cooking in that cabin? I know it wasn't her damn daddy.

Feyre has never mentioned cleaning ANYTHING in any of these books, so who cleaned the cabin? Who decorated the cabin? Who washed the clothes? Who mended the clothes? Who provided healthcare to the sick members of the family? Who taught basic life skills to the best of their ability?

No, Feyre doesn't see any of this stuff mentionable (therefore, the audience doesn't think about it) because SJM has some weird mid-late aughts hang-ups about what tasks are "traditionally feminine." She sees no value in these tasks, and she places no value on these tasks; thus, she never mentions them happening. But if the audience learned that while Feyre was hunting all day, Elain was cleaning the cabin, Feyre's sacrifice would not be seen as so great because our response would be, "Well, that is what a family does. The youngest just happens to be the best at hunting."

If the audience found out that while Feyre was hunting all day, Nesta was planning meals, cooking, mending clothes, and providing half-ass health assistance to their father, we would say, "well, it seems like everyone carried their weight." We will not see it as a huge sacrifice.

But no, SJM does not mention these things, despite them being very real objectives and responsibilities that come with taking care of a household.

#writing #books & libraries #sjm #sjm books #anti sjm #sjm critical #sarah j maas #acotar fandom #feyre archeron #feyre darling #feyre acotar #anti acotar #anti feyre #Traditionally feminine things are just not things to shy away from #nesta archeron #elain archeron #Their father was a whole asshole and I think we need to say that more often

[tswaney17]

I Do Bad Things with You - Part 49

It's here!!! The final part of this massive fic. 😭 I can't believe we're finally at the end. I'm still in shock that I get to close the door on this fic that has taken up the last three years of my life. I have so many emotions running through me right now. 🥺

The epilogue will be posted during @elriel-month in addition to a little surprise I'm so excited to share with you. Stay tuned!! 💜💙💚

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics​​​

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault , language, NSFW

This part also features descriptions of birth and complications from it.

Word Count: 7,225

Elain had spent a good portion of the late morning getting ready for the baby shower scheduled for noon. At just over eight months pregnant, they were cutting close to the wire of the twins’ arrival.

She was beyond exhausted. Growing the babies was work enough, but she ached everywhere at this point. Her boobs, her hips, her ankles. Her back…that hurt the worst. She looked like she swallowed two extra large watermelons. Elain hadn’t seen her feet in two and half months and she was praying that her toenails looked well enough for sandals today.

On top of her aching body, she also slept like shit the night before, having woken up in the wee hours with Braxton Hicks contractions that seemed to never want to go away. They were getting obnoxious at this point.

Oh! And her boobs had already started leaking. Aside from the contractions, Elain also woke up to a soaked sleep shirt and an attitude that poor Azriel was desperately trying to keep calm. She felt bad that her irritation got directed at him, but he took her mood swings in stride, giving her the space when she needed it, and focusing on taking care of Kaden and getting him ready for the party.

Her husband knocked lightly before entering their bedroom, shutting the door behind him and locking it when he saw her standing there in an ugly pair of panties and a strapless bra—which she had no idea how it was going to hold up her tits, but here they were. “Hello, my love. How are you doing?” he asked, striding further into their room. He was already dressed in black slacks and a white button-down rolled up to his elbows. It was one of her favorite looks on him. Casual but classy and sexy as hell.

“I’m all right. Better than this morning,” which was true. In the time she took to get ready, she felt her irritation slowly dissipate. “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

He gifted her a soft smile he reserved only for her and their children. “El, you’re carrying two babies. You’re allowed to let out your frustrations. I’m here to spar if you need it, you know that.”

She knew he meant spar as in letting her yell and shout and hiss words until she felt better while he just took it. Gods, he really was the perfect husband. Elain held out her coco butter lotion towards him. “Do you mind rubbing this on me and helping me dress?”

Azriel took the bottle from her outstretched hands, dropping a sweet kiss on her plump lips before squirting some into his scarred palms and gently rubbing it all over her swollen stomach. He knelt before her, dutifully getting every inch of her covered. “You are so beautiful, Elain,” he murmured, kissing her at the fullest part of her belly.

She snorted. “I am a beached whale who ate too much.”

“You are a gorgeous woman carrying life inside of her womb. That will always be beautiful, sweetheart.”

How he always knew what to say was beyond her, but she tugged him up off the ground to kiss him thoroughly. It should’ve annoyed her with how just a few sweeps of Azriel’s tongue had every concern and irritation simply melt away. He knew when to play that card and fuck did he play it well.

But even his tongue couldn’t stop the hiss of pain as another contraction wracked her body.

He immediately pulled back at the sound, eyes scanning her face. “Are you all right?” he asked, concern etched into the tone.

She breathed through the wave that tightened in her abdomen. “Braxton Hicks contractions,” she said as an explanation.

 His brows shot into his hairline. “Do we need to go to the hospital?”

Elain reached up to cup his cheek in her palm, her thumb swiping over the stubble there. “No, it’s a normal thing this late in the pregnancy. I’ve had a few this morning starting before dawn. It’s why I was grouchy.”

Understanding lit his face and he carefully ran his hand down her stomach again. “Why didn’t you wake me this morning?”

She huffed a laugh. “Because I knew you’d go into full-birthing-dad-mode and neither one of us would’ve slept any longer.”

Azriel shot her an unamused glare. “You will be thanking me for that birthing-dad mode when you’re in labor and I have everything packed up within minutes.”

This time Elain laughed loud and joyfully. “Yes, you’re probably right.” She nodded to the dress on the bed. “Help me slip that on?”

He grabbed the fabric, bunching it in his large fists, and pulled it over her head. It was an off-the-shoulder, loose, pale pink cotton dress, decorated with roses. It looked vintage, gathering just under her bust, with oversized puffy sleeves that sat off her shoulders, over her biceps. Ruffles accentuated the bottom hem, emphasizing the vintage style. It was the perfect spring dress. When Elain first saw it at the store, she knew she had to buy it for the shower.

Azriel tugged her loose curls from the back of the dress, letting them brush against her spine. He placed a kiss on her bare shoulder before grabbing the rose-pendant necklace he bought to go with the dress and draping it around her delicate neck. “Perfect,” he murmured onto her skin, his smile pressing against her neck.

Elain sighed softly, reaching up to thread her fingers through his dark hair. “How am I still horny for you?”

He nipped at her throat, a rumble shaking his chest. “Because you know I can deliver what you need without even blinking.”

This time she laughed, letting his hands run across her body in possessive little touches.

Azriel brazenly cupped her sex through the dress, growling as she let out a mewling sound and began to writhe against those skilled fingers, searching for the friction she desperately craved. “Would you like to fuck my hand, love?” he murmured, mouth grazing her jaw.

Elain fell slack against him, letting his strength hold her up. “Az,” she breathed, eyes fluttering shut as he began to rub her in earnest. “Please.”

He nipped the curve of her ear, tugging the lobe between his teeth. “You beg so prettily, El.” Bunching up the dress in a fist, Azriel slid her panties aside, swiping his fingers over her soaked pussy. “Fuck, baby. You’re so wet for me. Always desperate for my touch.”

She gripped him, nails digging into his exposed forearms. “I need—I need,” she panted out, wiggling in his hold. “Please, Az.”

Giving her exactly what she wanted—needed—Azriel sunk his middle finger into her aching cunt, pumping once before adding a second digit. “Such a good girl,” he whispered, thrusting in and out of her. The heel of his palm grazed her clit sending bolts of pleasure up her spine.

Elain bit her lip, stifling the moan that threatened to burst from her. His fingers scraped along that special spot inside of her, building her up and up and up until she teetered on the edge of bliss.

Barely conscious of her surroundings, Elain caught the sound of the door handle jiggling, followed by a “Momma!”

Azriel clapped a hand over her mouth as he continued his machinations. “Momma’s getting dressed, Kaden. We’ll be out in a minute,” he called out, pressing his palm firmly on her clit and sending her spiraling into her orgasm.

Too far gone to care, she tumbled into sweet oblivion, coming hard on his fingers. Elain moaned, only quieted by the muffling against her husband’s scarred hand.

He worked her through her release, slowing his movements when she started to come down from her high. Az peppered her skin with sweet kisses, removing his fingers from her pussy and readjusting her panties back into place before letting the dress fall back down. “Better, my love?”

“I’m gonna have to change my underwear, but yes.” She twisted in his arms, catching him sucking his fingers clean. Elain brought his mouth down to hers, tongue licking the drop of her release dotting his bottom lip. “Thank you, husband.”

He smiled into their kiss, deepening it once more. “I’ll go check on Kaden while you finish up. We’ll head out when you’re done.”

Twenty minutes later, they were in the car on their way to Rhys and Feyre’s place. It was a gorgeous day full of sunshine, the air warm with the oncoming of summer. It was as if even the Mother wanted to grace her presence on that day with her radiance. They really couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day for a baby shower.

“Momma?” Kaden called from the back seat. “Where are we going?”

His speech had improved so much since they first brought him home that the therapist they hired had told them after the end of the school year, that he likely wouldn’t need to continue seeing a specialist to catch him up. He was reading and writing the way a five-year-old should be and was on track to pass kindergarten with flying colors.

She glanced over her shoulder at him. “Remember how we talked about going to Aunt Feyre and Uncle Rhys’s for the baby shower today.”

He seemed to think about that. “What’s a baby shower?”

Her lips quirked up at his curious mind. Thankfully, he hadn’t asked about where babies came from again. “It’s a party to celebrate the upcoming arrival of your brother and sister.” Her hand came to rest on her belly instinctively.

His face scrunched up. “Will I have to take a bath again?”

Azriel let out a snort, glancing at her. “It’s a fair question.”

She laughed. “No, sweetheart. Not that kind of shower. To shower with love. The party is just to celebrate the babies before they arrive.”

“Will there be cake?” he asked, excitement lighting up his face at the prospect of sweets.

“For my sister’s sake, there better be.” Elain’s late-stage pregnancy craving was anything sweet. Cookies, cakes, pastries, whatever she could get her hands on, she was eating it. Azriel was barely able to keep the pantry stocked with desserts for her to snack on.

Her husband chuckled. “If she doesn’t, we’ll stop by a bakery on our way home and get each of you a cake. How’s that sound?” he asked, grasping her hand and bringing it to his mouth to kiss her knuckles.

She grinned. “You spoil me.”

He looked at her then. “You deserve to be spoiled.”

They were fashionably late to their baby shower, and Elain completely blamed her husband’s morning sexual charade for the delay in their arrival. Not that she minded at all. She had another Braxton Hick contraction in the car, Azriel eying her with worry and once again asking if they should make a pitstop at the hospital just in case.

But that would’ve made them even more late and Elain knew it was unnecessary.

All of their friends and family were waiting for their arrival. And she hated being late.

“What am I going to do with you gone for six months, Elain?” Thesan teased, taking a sip of his beer.

She shot a devilish grin at the head nurse sitting on the couch across from her. “I’m sure Viv would love to pick up all the slack.”

Viviane squawked in outrage and pointed a menacing finger in her direction. “Don’t put your work on me while you’re enjoying your babymoon, Elain Archeron-Knight.”

The group laughed as she pushed herself up off the couch. Another contraction hit her and she winced, catching the attention of the sharp-eyed nurse. But before she could ask, Kaden came bounding up to her, tugging on the skirt of her dress.

“Momma, can I have a cake pop?” He looked up at her with those damn puppy eyes he knew she couldn’t resist.

Elain ran a hand through his hair. “Sure, sweetie. Only one. You don’t want to spoil your appetite for Uncle Cassian’s good barbeque.”

Said uncle was out in the backyard tending to the grill with her husband, Rhys, and the Moonbeam brothers because, apparently, that’s where men gathered. Aelin and Rowan had joined them, the former getting an eyebrow raise from Azriel at her company’s appearance.

She made her way to the kitchen, hoping to perhaps score one of those cake pops herself—she was the guest of honor, surely she could snag one too. Feyre, Nuala, and Cerridwen had been busy putting together the final touches for lunch and were just waiting for Cassian’s proteins to serve food.

But just as she reached the breakfast bar, a wave of excruciating pain washed over her. Catching herself on the counter, Elain gripped the side of her stomach, groaning loud enough that the other room went silent. And then she felt it. Liquid surged between her legs, puddling the floor beneath her.

No. No, it was too soon. They couldn’t be coming already.

Viviane rounded the corner from the living room as Feyre and the twins approached her.

Somebody breathed her name, but she couldn’t decipher who it was over the blood rushing in her ears.

More footsteps sounded as her friends and family came from the living room to see what was going on.

“Elain.” It was Feyre’s voice that broke through the fog of fear that had clouded her, but she was too numb to respond. Too nervous. “Somebody get Azriel!”

Her panic grew and her breathing turned shallow. It was too soon. She wasn’t ready, wasn’t prepared enough. The anxiety of giving birth hit her like a freight train.

She couldn’t do this.

She couldn’t.

~~~~~

Azriel took a swig of his beer, rolling his eyes at the cad comment Rhys made. His tanned skin warmed in the sunlight even with the sleeves of his button-down rolled up to his elbows. With a glance at the large window, he caught Elain rising from her spot on the couch, Kaden gripping her dress to speak with her.

Gods, that fucking dress. Elain looked like a maternal goddess in it, emphasizing her swollen belly, brimming with the life of his children. Az never realized he had a breeding kink until he and Elain got back together. His desire to fill her with his seed, to watch her grow with life had him hardening in his pants.

Now at eight months, she had reached the stage where little things irked the hell out of her. Honestly, her temper was cute as hell, but he tried to be considerate of her exhaustion and short-fuse, offering himself up to take the heat of her ire. It was only fair—he’s the one that got her pregnant.

It may have made him a primitive, alpha-douchebag, but fuck did he love to see her waddling around, pregnant and barefoot in their home. She was already such a wonderful mother to their boy, Kaden. Cassian had been right. He was so incredibly grateful for Elain’s maternal instinct.

“Something caught your eye, brother?” Cassian taunted, grinning. His brother knew exactly what he was looking at. Or whom.

He shot him a dry look that had Cash chuckling.

“If she wasn’t already pregnant, I’d say that look alone could’ve knocked her up,” he teased. “Who knew you had such a kink, Az.”

Azriel opened his mouth to retort, but the sliding glass door opening caught his attention.

Nuala peeked her head out, a worried look on her face that had his stomach tightening in knots. “Azriel! Get in here now!”

But he was already moving, dropping his drink on the table and running after her into the house, his brothers and friends hot on his heels. He froze in the entryway of the kitchen, taking in the scene for a split second before his eyes settled on Elain bent over the counter, a puddle of clear liquid beneath her.

His feet ate up the space between them in three long strides, her name falling from his lips as he cupped her face and forced her gaze on his. Azriel prided himself in knowing exactly what Elain was feeling, what she was thinking by just the look on her face. He read her better than he did himself. So, seeing the blatant apprehension and worry written as clearly as a tattoo on her forehead had his heart racing in his chest.

Her eyes were wet with the tears he could tell she was trying to hold back.

“Love,” he said quietly, unsure how to proceed at the moment.

She blinked like hearing him cleared a bit of the fog that had washed over her. “Azriel.” Her voice cracked.

He folded her into his arms, trying to soothe whatever worries were troubling her. “You’re okay, my love.”

Elain seemed to melt in his embrace, her tension slowly ebbing away the longer he held her. He gave her whatever time she needed, ignoring the audience they had around them, but it was long enough for another contraction to hit. She cried out, gripping his hand in hers and squeezing tight.

Viviane snapped into action at that. “Azriel, her contractions are about nine minutes apart now. She’s going to have at least two more by the time you reach the hospital.”

“No hospitals,” Elain growled.

That had him pulling back to look down at her. “El, the babies are coming—”

“No. Hospitals.” He could see the wavering in her face. “I—,” she paused, hesitating. “They’re not ready. It’s too early. Too soon. They can’t come out yet…” Her head fell until she was looking at the wetness still sitting on the floor. “I’m not ready,” Elain whispered so quietly, that he almost missed it.

Azriel knew that was nerves speaking. While Kaden made them parents, the idea of giving birth to the twins was the primary source of her fear. The books he read said that many expectant mothers experienced this type of anxiety right around the time they went into labor. If they were going to have any success in her having a smooth birth, Azriel needed to get her to calm down. He glanced at Cassian. “Can you get her a chair?”

His brother grabbed one from the dining room, setting it out for Az to carefully guide Elain into. He knelt in front of her, keeping her hands clasped firmly in his. “Elain, sweetheart,” her dark eyes latched onto his, needing to hear his reassurance. He kept his voice low, wishing they didn’t have to have this conversation in front of their friends and family.

Rhys seemed to sense that and began ushering people out of the room. “Let’s give the couple a few minutes.”

He shot his brother a grateful look before returning his attention to Elain. “Sweetheart, I know you’re scared. I know it’s earlier than we were expecting. But if there is one thing that I am certain of is that you can do this.” He squeezed her hands in comfort. “You are the strongest person I know. You’ve been through so much that once all is said and done, you’re going to look at me and tell me that this was the easy part. I promise you that if anyone can do this, it’s you. And I will be right by your side for every step, holding your hand, giving you ice chips, and bearing whatever you need me to bear to bring our children into the world.”

She sniffed, a small smile tugging at her lips. “You’re sure?”

“Without a doubt, Elain. You can do this.” He brought their joined hands up to his mouth, kissing her fingers and letting her absorb whatever confidence she needed. “So, what do you say? Are you ready to have our babies, love?”

Elain huffed a laugh, his words settling the nerves she had. “Yes, let’s go have our babies,” she breathed, her grin taking over her entire face, lasting all of thirty seconds before a look of panic took root once more. “Az, the birthing bag is still at the house.”

He let out an undignified snort. “Do you think after having that contraction in front of me this morning, I’d leave the house without having absolutely everything packed and ready to go? Come on, baby, you know me better than that. It’s all in the back of the car.”

She blinked in surprise. “The birthing bag and my pillow?”

“In the car,” he confirmed.

“Kaden’s overnight bag?”

“In the car.”

“The car seats for the twins?”

He scoffed. “You know I installed those weeks ago, try again.”

Her lips quired up at the corner. “What about the slippers I was wearing this morning?” she asked, thinking she had him.

Az rolled his eyes in playful exasperation. “I grabbed them when I snagged the birthing bag.” He kissed her hands again. “I’ve got you, love.”

And then she was leaning forward, kissing him with so much love and devotion, he felt it down to the soul she brought back to life. The sound of their family’s cheers forced them apart, a pretty blush dusting the tops of Elain’s cheeks, but she didn’t dare look away from him.

Without looking away from her, Azriel reached into his pocket, pulled out his keys, and tossed them to Rhys. “Can you grab Kaden’s bag from the trunk? The one with dinosaurs. And then Elain’s purple one as well.”

Elain’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Why is he grabbing mine?”

His lips pulled up into a knowing grin, brushing the shell of her ear as he leaned forward to whisper, “I thought you might like to change your underwear and put on a maternity pad for the ride to the hospital.”

Her cheeks heated in embarrassment, but she nodded in agreement.  

A little body shuffled closer. “Momma?” Kaden murmured, looking so very worried over the state of his mother.

She held her arms out, motioning him forward. “C’mere sweetheart.” Elain tucked him into her chest, kissing the top of his head. “You’re going to stay here with Aunt Feyre and Uncle Rhys while Daddy and I go to the hospital to have your brother and sister.”

He looked up at her with those puppy-dog eyes and damn, the kid knew how to work them. “But I want to go with you!” His lower lip quivered and Azriel could tell he was on the verge of tears.

But his wife took it in stride, cupping his little face in her palms and swiping her thumbs across his cheeks. “I know, sweetheart. I know you do. But you’ll have a much better time here with your aunt and uncle. Momma’s not going to be fun to be around until your siblings are here.” She kissed his plump cheek. “But I promise that you will be the first to see us once they arrive. Okay?”

Feyre stepped forward, reaching out a hand for their son. “Come on, Kaden. We’ll have lots of fun eating all the desserts left over.” She shot them a wink when he finally relented, taking her fingers.

After cleaning her up as best as he could and getting her a maternity pad from her bag, he and Elain were in the car on the way to the hospital. As Viviane predicted, she had two more contractions on the way, grabbing his offered hand and the “oh shit” bar as she groaned her way through it. And then promptly went into a third one right as they arrived.

Az timed them out, still sitting about nine minutes apart. “Breathe, baby. Good, love. Just like that.” His thumb grazed the back of her hand. Her grip was tight, on the verge of painful, but he didn’t dare let his face flinch or show an ounce of discomfort. She needed his strength and that’s exactly what he was going to give her.

They were immediately escorted to their private room and Elain’s vitals were checked over. She was sitting at only two centimeters dilated, which meant they were looking at being there for a bit.

Between her contractions, he swapped out his clothes for a fitted black t-shirt and grey sweatpants to get more comfortable and then sent a text to their siblings to notify them that they were in and settled, but it would be a while before they would have any progress.

“Can you check in with Kaden?” Elain asked, taking a scoop of ice chips from her cup.

The corner of his lips curled up at the question. “I already did. Feyre said he wouldn’t leave the front window for a while and had to persuade him with his baby cousin and a lot of sweet treats.”

She snorted, shaking her head. “He’s going to have a mouth full of cavities before we get home.” Elain twisted to look at him. “Do you think we made the right decision by not letting him come with us? It sounds like he’s waiting for us to return. I know that some families let their little ones be present for the birth of their siblings and we discussed it—”

He interrupted her train of thought. “I think we made the right call, love. We’re going to be here for a while and we both know that things can upset him. I don’t know how well he’d handle watching you go through that.”

She nodded but didn’t look very convinced.

Azriel reached for her hand, covering it with his own and squeezing her fingers. “He’s safe and well-cared for. Remember that while we focus on bringing his little brother and sister into the world.” He brushed his lips over her knuckles in a sweet kiss.

Elain smiled softly at him. “Okay.”

And so, they waited.

Per his wife’s birthing plan, she wanted to attempt to go natural. Azriel admired her strength and resilience in doing so. But after over sixteen hours of hard labor, he could see her resolve fading.

He stroked her cheek, fingers brushing hair behind her ear. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

Dark circles already lined the underneath part of her eyes. She looked so weary. “I’m so tired, Az.” Her voice came out nearly broken and fuck if that didn’t just rip his beating heart from his chest.

Kissing her forehead, he murmured, “Do you want to get the epidural? It’ll help you get some much-needed rest before the delivery.” As of now, she was only at seven centimeters and the doctor had said it could still be a while longer until she reached a full ten.

Her chin dipped in confirmation. “Please.”

Azriel didn’t waste time calling for the nurse. Within ten minutes, he watched as a grossly large needle was inserted into her back, sending that relief washing over her. He peppered her face with kisses during the procedure, murmuring words of praise and comfort in her ear as she gritted her teeth through it.

Elain spent the next eight hours in a fitful sleep, dosing off and waking up not long after each time. Azriel didn’t bother to try and sleep, not when she wasn’t really getting much at all.

But finally, after just past nine, she was fully dilated and ready to push.

His wife pushed and pushed and pushed for a half hour with nothing to show for it. She was in tears, frustrated, and so exhausted he was practically supporting all her weight having slid an arm around her shoulders to keep her upright.

“I can’t, I can’t,” she sobbed, half burying her face into his chest.

“You can, love. You’re so strong. Just a little bit more,” he tried to reassure her. It fucking killed him to see her like this.

“Can’t you do it for me?” she pleaded, looking up at him with wild, desperate eyes.

He gripped her cheek in his palm, kissing her temple. “You know I would, El. I would give anything to switch places with you right now. But I know you can do this. Just a few more pushes and then they’ll be here.”

Whatever she read within his words seemed to do the trick, her brows furrowing with a determination he hadn’t seen since they left the house. Elain pushed herself up, trying to get into a kneeling position, and he was right there, sliding behind her and supporting her weight.

The nurses squawked, muttering something about hospital policy, but frankly, he did not give a fuck, snarling, “Her body is telling her to push like this. Listen to your fucking patient.”

Changing the position was exactly what she needed because their son was born within the next two contractions, entering the world with a healthy set of lungs.

They sagged back against the pillows, his face wet with tears as they placed their new baby directly on Elain’s bared chest. He couldn’t stop himself from tipping her head back to kiss her softly on the lips, pausing the savor the moment.

Az traced the pads of his fingers over the curve of their boy’s cheek, just needing to touch him to prove he was here with them. Even covered in fluids, he was so beautiful. The perfect blend of the two of them.

The nurses gave them just a few minutes with the first baby before Doctor Chen said that she needed to start pushing again. She took their boy from Elain’s arms, promising to bring him back for Azriel after he was cleaned up and their daughter was born.

Delivery of their little girl went easier than with their son. But whereas their boy came out crying, their daughter came out silent.

Azriel knew something was wrong just by the silence, but it only grew the anxiety in his stomach when the doctor turned her back on them, taking their little one with her to work on.

“She’s not crying,” Elain breathed, worry clouding her voice.

He could only squeeze her shoulders in comfort, watching as they shoved things into her nose and mouth.

“Suction,” Chen ordered.

“Azriel, why isn’t she crying?”

“She’s going to be okay, love. They’re helping her. She’s okay.” The words passed his lips even as his heart dropped into his stomach when they started doing compressions on her tiny body.

No.

This couldn’t be happening. They couldn’t lose her. It would kill him to lose his little girl, but Elain, fuck, he couldn’t even begin to fathom the devastation she would face at this loss. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t pay to fix this or threaten someone to save their baby girl.

So, he did what any father would do.

He prayed.

He prayed to every god, every deity, everything, and anything he could think of to keep his little girl safe and bring her back to them. To take her place if they demanded it. A life for a life. He’d pay it for his child, his family. “Come on,” he murmured. “Come on, baby. Come on.”

Elain curved her face into the side of his chest, howling in a way he’d never heard from her before.

His arms went around her, that dreaded feeling turning his blood cold. The terror he felt of their little one dead before she lived was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. But still, he did not stop praying, clutching Elain’s shaking body to his. “Come on, little one. Come on!” he chanted. “Please.”

And then, a rattled cough tore from her tiny body, followed by the sweet, beautiful sound of her cry.

Elain’s wail turned into relieved sobs, as the doctor walked over their bundled little girl and placed her into his wife’s awaiting arms.

“Somebody was just so excited to meet you, she took a breath a little too early, but we cleared out her passages and lungs and she looks good now.”

His wife tucked their daughter into her chest, kissing the top of her head. “Hi sweet girl, Momma’s here,” she whispered, tears still falling down her cheeks. Tears that matched the ones running down his face.

She was here. His baby girl. Fuck, she looked just like him, with dark hair and tanned skin. He hadn’t gotten a look at her eyes yet, but already she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“Here you go, Mr. Archeron-Knight,” one of the other nurses said, pulling his attention from his wife and daughter as she handed him his son, cleaned up and wrapped in a soft blanket.

The small bundle was gently laid in the crook of his elbow. Azriel didn’t think he’d ever feel the amount of love he did on Kaden’s adoption day, but sitting here with his gorgeous wife, holding their newborn twins, he felt his heart soar in his chest.

Sweaty and fatigued, Elain glanced up at his face, the sweetest, exhausted smile pulling on her lips. “I love you,” she murmured.

He let out a sound that was a cross between a chuckle and a sob. “I love you more.” And then he kissed her, sealing that moment in time with his undying love for her.

~~~~~

Elain woke to the sound of a whimpering cry, swiftly followed by Azriel’s low voice.

“Hey, sweet girl. What’s wrong, huh?” She heard some shuffling as her husband lifted their daughter from the nursery bed. “Momma needs her sleep so we need to be quiet.” He kept his voice low enough to not disturb her—fuck she loved him so much—but she was already awake, rolling over in the hospital bed to face him.

Azriel holding his children was, hands down, the sexiest thing she’d ever seen. How she could even feel the need for him after pushing two babies out of her currently aching and severely injured body was beyond her, but just watching him bounce their fussing daughter made all those desires come roaring to the surface.

Almost as if he could sense her presence, hazel eyes slid to hers. “I’ve got her, love. Go back to sleep.” His voice remained soft as night as if anything louder would disturb her.

She curled up on her side, watching him. “I think we should get used to no sleep now.”

He huffed a laugh, patting Rosalie on her back as she further settled into the crook of his elbow.

Their daughter was almost two pounds smaller than her brother, coming in right at five whereas Ryder was a healthy six pounds, fourteen ounces. The doctor was a little concerned over Rosalie’s lower birth weight, but Elain had managed to get both babies to latch and feed earlier and she ate well, so they were mainly playing it by ear.

Because of her smaller size, Azriel already placed an order for some preemie clothes and sent a photo of her with the twins to their siblings. They asked to give them a day to recuperate before coming to the hospital in the morning. After the scare with Rosalie, both she and Azriel wanted to take some time to spend with the babies. Plus, the medical team was in and out of their room, taking Rosalie for some additional tests just to be sure everything looked good.

It was just after seven that night, and they were settling in for the evening. Tired of hospital food, Azriel ordered hamburgers from DoorDash for them to eat. Elain was starving and it sounded so good that she drooled when she suggested it to him. Both babies had been fed only an hour earlier and she anticipated not having another feeding till late evening or early morning.

Elain grabbed whatever sleep she could, knowing she’d need it when they were released in a couple of days, but she was sure Azriel hadn’t slept a wink since she’d gone into labor.

She pushed herself up, reclining on her pillows. The nurses cleaned her after the delivery and stitched her up from tearing, but Elain couldn’t wait to get home and take a proper shower. “Does she need to be changed?” she asked, nodding to the now-sleeping baby in her husband’s arms.

Azriel shook his head. “No, I think she was just fussing.” His dark hair was still mussed up from when he stripped out of his shirt earlier, taking time for skin-to-skin contact with each of the twins.

Elain had to rein in her laugh at how the nurse blushed as he revealed miles of gloriously tanned, tattooed skin and corded muscle. Her husband was a fine specimen, but he never flaunted it, so seeing another woman react to it was humorous especially since he didn’t even seem to notice her blushing, stammering state.

“You should sleep too, Az,” she said instead.

He looked at her, his lips curving up. It had been doing that a lot since the birth of the twins. The sweetest, smallest smile that crept up the corners of his mouth. Almost as if he didn’t even realize he was doing it. It was utterly adorable and made him look younger. “I’ll rest later. You need it more than me.”

Her shoulders shook in amusement. “You know, we can sleep when they do.”

“I just don’t want to miss a second of them.” His attention returned to his little girl who already had him wrapped around her finger. To be fair, all of their children did. “Fuck, I can’t believe they’re here already. It seems like it was only a month ago you found out you were pregnant.”

“I can’t believe our first anniversary is coming up in just a handful of weeks.”

At that, he laughed. “I guess a trip for our anniversary is out of the question?”

She grinned. “Not unless all our little ones are coming with us.” Because like hell was she going to be able to leave them so soon. Plus with her nursing, it just wouldn’t be ideal.

He seemed to consider her. “We could take the jet to the Summer District. Kaden will be out of school then and we’ll both still be out on leave. Just a thought.”

Gods, he was fucking perfect. “That might be nice.”

A knock on the door interrupted whatever he was going to say. He frowned in confusion, looking at her.

Elain shrugged, sitting up further on her bed. “Come in,” she called out.

She thought it might be a nurse or a doctor, coming to check on her or the twins. What she didn’t expect was for Rhys to peek his head into the room. Surprise lit her features and she glanced at Azriel, who looked equally as bewildered at the sudden visit from their brother.

“Hey,” Rhys said. “I apologize for dropping by unannounced, but somebody really couldn’t wait till tomorrow to see you.” He opened the door slightly, revealing Kaden clutching a teddy bear, eyes puffy and red from crying.

Her heart ached at the distress their son must’ve been in for Rhys to come all the way here. “Hello sweetheart,” she said, keeping her voice soft. “Come here, my love.”

He took a small step further into the room, Rhys’s hand guiding him at the backside of his head. Kaden took slow steps as he approached the side of her bed. “Momma, are you sick?”

She reached out to cup his cheek in her palm. “No, baby. I’m not sick. Your brother and sister decided it was time to come out of my tummy.” Her eyes found Azriel’s as he rose from his seat on the couch, moving toward them. “Would you like to meet them?” she asked, returning her gaze to Kaden’s.

His head dipped in confirmation.

Elain pushed herself back even more. “Rhys, can you help him up and then grab me that flat pillow over there.”

He set the boy on the bed between her spread legs, Kaden shuffling backward and bumping into her sensitive lower area.

She hissed out in pain before she could stop herself. A wave of agony washed over her with enough intensity that her stomach curdled with nausea.

Azriel reacted immediately. “Easy, buddy. Momma’s going to be sore for a while and we need to be extra careful with her.”

“I’m okay,” she spoke quickly, not wanting to upset Kaden any more than he already was, and kissed his plump cheek as she breathed through the pain. “Okay, Rhys. Place the pillow over our laps.”

Adjusting his arms in preparation, Azriel gently lowered their daughter until she comfortably rested on the nursing pillow.

“Kaden, this is your sister, Rosalie,” he announced, letting his finger stroke her rounded cheek.

Elain couldn’t see his face directly, but she did catch his eyes widening as he stared down at her, his fingers carefully tracing over her delicate features just as his father did.

“Rosawee,” he said, not quite catching the ending syllable. It would be something they would have to work on. When she kicked a leg within her swaddle, he pulled his hand back, startled.

She laughed, feeling the bed dip as Azriel sat down next to them, bringing over their son. “And this is your brother, Ryder.”

He reached out to trace the outline of his brows, the touch gentle and exploratory. “I’m a brother?” he asked, turning his head to look up at her.

“That’s right sweetheart. You’re their big brother, and they’re going to love you so much,” she told him, kissing the top of his head.

Elain took in her family, her incredible husband, and three beautiful children. It sounded so wild to even think about. She was a wife and a mother. Thinking back, she remembered the day that had changed the trajectory of her life forever. The bank robbery a few years back. It was crazy to think how such a terrifying moment altered her life in the best of ways. It brought her back to the love of her life.

It put her on this very path.

She’d face every one of the moments since then tenfold as long as it brought her to this point in time, sitting here with her gorgeous little family.

“Perfect.”

She looked up at Rhys, catching him with his phone out.

“Your first family photo.”

Her lips turned up and silver lined her eyes. “Thank you, Rhys.”

He waved her off. “Do you want me to take Kaden back with me?”

“No,” Azriel said, ruffling his eldest son’s hair. “He can stay here with us tonight. Can you put his booster seat in our car? The keys are in my bag.”

“You got it.” He grabbed the keys but paused on the threshold. “And congratulations you guys. Rosalie and Ryder are beautiful.”

Azriel leaned further into her side, kissing her temple. “Thank you, brother.” Once alone, he turned her head toward his, bringing her mouth to his for a slow, sweet kiss. “I love you so damn much, Elain.”

His smile was infectious, making her lips turn up at the corners. “Thank you, Azriel, for giving me this life—these babies. You have made me the happiest I could ever imagine. I love you.”

“Momma! She’s got my finger,” Kaden’s giggle interrupted their moment.

They laughed, looking at their three beautiful children.

Elain knew that this perfect moment was just the very beginning of the rest of their lives.

~~~~~

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[klausinamarink]

You Said I Would Live, So I Did

rating: M | cw: temporary character death, minor gore, blood and injury | wc: 3k | tags: angst with happy ending, canon divergence, disabled Eddie, hurt Steve, injury recovery | prompt: Love is healing each other’s wounds

sequel to this

written for @steddielovemonth

-

If Steve had nearly lost his voice from that nervewrecking day when Eddie had floated in the trailer park, then Steve was shredding the column of his throat into nonexistence as the exact thing was happening in the Creel House attic.

Eddie’s right arm was broken thrice. His left leg followed soon after. Then his left eye burst with a horrid pop, splurts of blood already staining the side of his face.

All Steve had to do was keep watch of Eddie while the others went to the Upside Down to distract the bats and kill Vecna. All he had to do was to wait for the right moment to return the headphones over Eddie’s ears.

But then the Cunninghams had come over with Jason Carver and a few of their friends.

It wasn’t easy to fight them off, especially when Carver held him at gunpoint while the adults instantly believed Eddie was currently listening to Satan’s messages to destroy their perfect town. But Max had come in swinging. Literally. She had held onto Steve’s trusty nailbat and showed them another reason why she liked the moniker Mad Max.

Steve had his back turned on Eddie for too long.

After the last adult finally scuttled and Carver went unconscious on the ground, Steve couldn’t use the music in time.

Eddie suddenly dropped. Steve just barely caught him in time before his body hit the ground.

“I got you, Eds. I got you right here. You’re gonna be okay. We’re taking you to the hospital-” Steve was rambling, trying to keep his composure as he held onto Eddie. Because he can’t take Eddie to the hospital without making his boyfriend cry out in pain whenever he moved an inch.

“I wa- I want-” Eddie was gasping for air, choking on nothing and everything. His chest was frantically raising up and down, each round making his breath more winded. Steve swore he had heard a few of his ribs breaking right before Eddie had fallen.

“What is it?” Steve asked as calmly as he could despite the wet tremor in his voice. He wanted to look away from Eddie’s face, half of it streaming out thick blood and viscera from the socket. His surviving eye was still glazed over with a few specks of brown with a red tear stain dropping down his cheek.

“W-Wayne,” Eddie gasped out painfully, “I want Wayne!”

“He’s on his way right now.” Steve lied. He had no idea if Wayne and Nancy and Robin were okay and actually coming back. He twisted his head over to Max, whose terrified gaze hadn’t left Eddie since he started floating. “Max! Call an ambulance!” He couldn’t believe how much of his voice still held.

Then Max was staring at Steve, her blue eyes welling up as she started shaking. Steve looked back to see Eddie had gone limp. His heartbeat, frantic and jackhammering against Steve’s palm just seconds ago, was no longer there.

“No. No, no, no-” Steve’s voice stopped working then, even when a sob worked its way out of his ruined throat. He pulled Eddie closer, his hand cupping the back of his head when glowing red cracks started splintering the wood right underneath them.

—

There was still blood under his fingernails.

Steve stared at them dully. It was a better distraction than the mechanical beeping and the faint throbbing on his sides. The demobat bites were long stitched-up during those early chaotic hours of waiting. His throat had already been looked at, but nothing but a pack of ice, water, and an easy rest was prescribed.

Steve had almost laughed. He hadn’t gotten an easy rest since he saw a monster burst out of Jonathan Byers’ ceiling.

He couldn’t lift his eyes up. Not because he was tired, no matter how his brain felt it had turned into jelly and dripping out of his ears, but if he brought his gaze up, then he would still see Eddie.

Eddie, who laid in bed with half of his body in thick casts and bandages around the left side of his face and an oxygen tube down his throat, comatose even after two and half days. Eddie, whom Steve had promised over and over to protect him even before Vecna laid his nasty claws on him.

But Steve failed to do exactly that and had let Eddie die.

Because of him, Vecna’s plan succeeded and tore Hawkins in half.

Even though it was a fucking miracle that Eddie’s heart started pulsing again, Steve couldn’t forget it. He could scrub the blood and grime off himself and the high-pressure of his shower wouldn’t do shit to erase the sudden lightweightness of Eddie’s body in his arms. Steve’s stomach swooped with nausea at the recollection. He had always complained of Eddie being so heavy despite his flat ass whenever Eddie had taken the opportunities to randomly launch himself at Steve, who had always caught him even if he was already holding something.

He never wanted to know how light Eddie had felt after dying, but now he does and it was going to forever haunt him.

The doors opened. Without looking, Steve greeted tiredly, “Hey, Wayne.”

Big mistake. He heard the man pause before his boots strode over to him. Neither of them hadn’t talked in between the chaos of the ‘earthquake’, the brief volunteering at the high school, and Robin’s attempts to distract him out of the hospital. Now, they were in the same room and Steve braced himself for a punch. Actually, Wayne wasn’t that physical. So Steve braced himself for a cold warning to leave and never show his face again.

Instead, Wayne gently clamps a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

It makes him look up then. Wayne’s wrinkles had deepened and his eyes were slightly red. He looked more exhausted than Steve had ever seen.

“You need to rest up,” Wayne said gently. Why was he still nice? He shouldn’t be. Not after Eddie-

Before Steve could protest, Wayne led him to a small couch at the corner. It was horribly uncomfortable and itchy but once he laid down, Steve immediately fell asleep.

—

Steve hated dreams.

Most times, he lost the fight. He was manhandled, forced to watch as Carver shot a bullet into Eddie, splattering brains across the ground and walls. Sometimes it was Max who was shot. Whenever the floor broke apart, Steve let himself fall and burn in the gate instead of dragging Eddie away. Eddie’s bones broke, all four limbs like the others. Sometimes his eyes melted first. Sometimes his ribs burst out of his chest. Sometimes his neck snapped as well. Sometimes his skin peeled itself from his hands and turned into claws. Sometimes he came back fine and unharmed but then he dropped with wide unmoving eyes. Sometimes it was one of their dates that never went that way it had actually happened because Eddie would float up and then they were in the attic again.

Every time, Eddie’s mouth twisted into a snarl, “You’re a shitty liar, Steve Harrington.”

Steve started to lose count how many times he’d woken up with a scream caught in his throat.

—

Three weeks later after Vecna shattered half of his body, Eddie woke up.

Steve wasn’t there when it happened. Robin and Dustin had pushed him to shower and change so he went to his house, sat under the shower as it turned cold for probably an hour, and came back to the hospital just in time for Dustin to suddenly shove his face against Steve’s chest and blubbered out-

“He’s awake.”

In another universe, Steve would have sprinted immediately towards Eddie’s room with nothing but immense joy.

Instead, he felt utter cold numbness as Dustin took his hand and dragged him there.

There were doctors fretting around Eddie. Wayne was holding Eddie’s uninjured hand like a lifeline with teary eyes. The other kids were clamoring at the foot of the bed.

During the commotion, Eddie’s eye had flickered over and met Steve’s. There was a crinkle of hope and relief behind them.

Steve was back in the attic, split between the before and after of Eddie’s eye losing life behind them, mere seconds before the ground split.

For the first time, Steve ran away.

—

To his credit, it had taken a week before anyone found him. And by anyone, it was Robin of course.

“What are you doing here?” Robin wrinkled her nose as she looked down at him, hands in overall pockets. She was upside down from where Steve was laying down.

“Enjoying the view.” Steve gestured up with the can he was drinking from.

Robin looked at the sky and glared back down at him, “It’s cloudy and about to rain, smartass.”

Steve giggled, chasing the tipsiness while it lasted. He never stayed high or drunk long enough after the Russians injected their truth serum in his veins. “You called me a smartass.”

“Jesus, Steve,” Robin groaned as she squatted down and pulled him up to a sitting position. Steve tried to swat her away but she refused to let go.

“Where the hell are you?” Robin asked. Steve raised an eyebrow at her and gestured to the wide wheat field they were in. Couldn’t be Indiana without them.

“No, where-” Robin snatched the beer can out of his hand despite Steve’s protests, “-the hell are you?”

Steve glared back at her. “Don’t speak riddles- ow!”

Robin hit him square on the cheek with the can, which was better than another hit on the head. Then her fists curled into the stained collar of his shirt and Steve was treated to the up-close view of her snarling teeth.

“Why the fuck aren’t you at Eddie’s side? Why aren’t you with everyone else giving him support to start physical therapy? Where were you?”

Steve swallowed. The tippiness was already gone. He had been holding it for about.. two hours? That had to be a new record.

Robin shook him violently, “Where-?”

“Nowhere!” Steve yelled. His voice carried across the fields for a few seconds before the echo died. He continued before Robin opened her mouth again, “I just want to be nowhere in Hawkins because I let that town fall apart! So what if El is fixing the fissures, none of it changes that everyone knows it’s my fault they were even there!”

Robin had loosened her grip but Steve kept going, the pieces of himself that died with Eddie he had tried to bury under the broken floorboards at that attic resurfacing. It all came out watery and salty in his mouth.

“I told everyone - you, Wayne, Dustin, Nancy - that Eddie will be fine! Nothing would happen because I would stay with him. But something happened and he died! He died in my arms, Robs, and now he’s awake and I can’t just let myself pretend that I looked away for one second and let Vecna kill him while I could have done something.” Steve sucked in a shaky breath. He looked into Robin’s eyes and tried to smile like used to.

“Steve…” Robin was no longer angry. She looked like she was about to cry.

“His heart stopped.” Steve whispered. It was a well-known fact among the party. Dumb Steve was distracted and Eddie got his bones broken and was medically dead for a minute. “I felt his heart… it just stopped.”

He had spent the rest of that week listening and feeling Eddie’s heartbeat. It had become his own song, the lifeline between them. It had both assured Steve and nearly drove him mad. It was a sacred prayer made between their devoted lips on that blissful night when Eddie had survived.

“You will live. You will live.”

Steve should have known better than to pray. No one listened to his prayers since he was seventeen.

His teeth started chattering, a habit from clenching his jaw so hard whenever he was about to cry.

“His heart stopped and I had to hold him while the gates opened.” The tears finally slipped. “Now ask me again where I was.”

Robin doesn’t. She hugged him tight, making no comment even as the rain broke out or when Steve wiped his snot over the shoulder of her shirt.

—

Steve lingered at the door for another minute before he took in a deep breath and finally stepped inside.

To his surprise, Eddie was alone. Steve briefly wondered if this was Robin’s work but he shook that away. He approached the bed quietly, not willing to announce himself yet.

“I know it’s you.”

Steve froze. Eddie made a quiet chuckling sound before he turned his head towards Steve’s direction. His sole eye had cleared slightly, more brown than white. Most of the thick bandages were removed in lieu of a simple eyepatch. There was a thin tube running out under it.

“Like my new look?” Eddie tilted his head up slowly, probably not to jostle the tube. “It’s modeled after my ancestor Edward Blackbeard. Can’t grow the beard though, something about hygiene.”

It was almost a shock how Eddie retained his humor despite the worst week of their lives. Yet it was so Eddie that Steve couldn’t help but laugh.

“If you can’t grow a beard, then your hair genetics are terrible.” Steve joked back, letting himself sit on one of the chairs.

Eddie opened his mouth to mock-retort back, but winced soon after. He was quiet for a few moments before he spoke again, slowly this time, “Apparently I have so much leftover brain juice that the docs need to drain it out before I get approved for physical.”

“Ah,” was all Steve said.

“Yeah.”

They fell into silence again, less comfortable than Steve was used to. He glanced at the casts around Eddie’s arm and leg, all covered with doodles from the kids. It clenched at his heart.

“You know what was one of the things he showed me?”

Steve snapped his gaze back up. Eddie wasn’t looking at him.

It was the first time that either of them dared to breach the topic of Vecna’s visions.

“W-What?”

“He showed how you were an asshole at school, but mega-worse. Made you into someone who was with me just for the sex and weed.” Eddie shrugged like it was no big deal. “Then you ran away even when I called for you to come back.”

Nausea hit Steve like a freight train. He just stared at Eddie because that was what Steve had done.

He had run away because when he saw Eddie looking at him after being comatose, Steve had seen the exact opposite of that moment’s future. Steve had been convinced that Eddie would never forgive him for not saving him and Steve would rather flee like the goddamn Cowardly Lion than face another spit of anger.

“Eds-” Steve started but Eddie was looking back at him and he wasn’t done.

“You know I never believed that last part? Because I knew what kind of person you were and you would never leave.” Eddie’s eye flashed with anger. “So why, on the day I finally woke up, you looked at me in the eye and ran?”

Steve came apart. There had to be something wrong with him, that maybe Vecna secretly targeted him before his ass got fried up, because he was good at shoving the worst of his emotions down. But he had been making more waterworks in the past month than the Niagara Falls.

Steve clenched his nails into his thighs as he blubbered out, “I’m sorry, Eds, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

Eddie made some kind of dying animal noise at the back of his throat. Steve felt sick again. He was back at the stupid attic, Eddie on his lap as he breathed too fast and Steve wanted him to slow down before he choked on his own blood-

“-eve, Steve, come here, c’mon.”

He felt his upper body moving. Then he was pressed against another below him. A hand on the side of his head.

“Listen, listen, Stevie.”

Steve bit his lip and stayed quiet, waiting for what Eddie to say next.

But he only heard an ongoing rhythm of babump-babump-babump-babump against his ear.

“You hear that, sweetheart?”

Steve shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut to stop the tears racing down his face.

“Remember what you said that night? That no matter how we defeat Vecna, that I will live.”

“You died.” Steve blurted, “You died and I got Hawkins destroyed.”

Eddie was silent for an awfully long time. Steve felt him swallow a few times before he replied firmly, “Don’t say it like that.”

“Huh?” Steve finally lifted his head up. Eddie still looked angry but it seemed directed elsewhere entirely.

“I took that risk to be the bait. I knew that there was a fifty-fifty chance I would make it out unscathed. I knew what I had to do, but no matter what-” Eddie paused for a moment, clear drops of tears falling from his eye. “I will live.”

With a shaky breath, he smiled wearily at Steve, “And look at me, sweetheart. I kept that promise.”

Steve cried again. He desperately wanted to kiss Eddie but his boyfriend was clearly still in pain, so he carefully cupped his hands under Eddie’s jaw, mindful of the bandages and tube. “I’m so sorry I ran away. I was scared you would hate me, well you kinda did now-”

Eddie shushed him, “Please stop doing that. I never hated you, I was just mad and now I’m not anymore.”

“Still-” Steve was cut off by Eddie leaning forward, bopping his nose against Steve’s. Eddie made another wince and the two of them waited for whatever pain to subside before Eddie spoke again.

“If you promise to be there every day of my physical therapy and don’t be a dick about my missing eye and whatever of me needs extra care, then your sins will be forgiven.”

Steve gave out a watery laugh, “Easy promise.”

#klaus writes #steddie #stranger things #steddielovemonth #was eddie’s ‘death’ inspired by sarah’s death in tlou? perhaps. #also I may have written this as more loose than the og prompt so hopefully that’s fine

[adiwriting]

No. I will NOT write a fic where Sarah Nelson takes Darcy in and basically moves her into David’s now vacant room after Darcy’s family kicks her out.

No. It doesn’t matter that Nick having a loving supportive sibling would be great. Or that Darcy would thrive under the love and support that the Nelson’s are so good at giving. Or that Sarah Nelson has so much love to give to anyone that walks through her door…

I have too many other things to write.

#heartstopper #Heartstopper fic #writing things #darcy olsson #Sarah Nelson

[thingscanalwaysgetworse]

Still not over Jumanji (1995). Imagine being trapped in a game for 26 years where you have to face all manner of deadly animals (plus a deadly hunter who looks like your dad), and then you get back to the real world only to realize that nearly everyone you know is dead except for two people, one of whom is now a cop who keeps trying to arrest you and one of whom has so much trauma from the first time you played the game that she's convinced you don't exist. Also now there are two kids who started playing the game and you all have to finish it together or else the kids will get stuck too and the nightmare will never end

and then?? you finally complete the game and everything gets fixed but you're suddenly 12 years old again in 1969 like nothing happened?? and then??? 26 years later the kids you helped save don't remember you because technically you've never met??? but you don't even care because they're alive and they have their family again, and you’re happy for them, even if they’ll never know just how much you care about them

#jumanji 1995 #jumanji #jumanji (1995) #rambles from the ether #Alan Parrish makes me so sad #i was going to wait to post this until i could write something more comprehensible #but then I was like. no actually I have to get this out before I explode #edit because i'm still feeling things: #i'm so messed up about the fact that alan and sarah didn't see judy or peter for 26 years #but they never forgot #i'm an optimist so my personal headcanon is that even if peter and judy don't ever remembered jumanji #they still got to grow up with alan and sarah in their lives #just. god this movie is so good

[aringofsalt]

Writing a thing. Here's a lil snippet 💕 Gareth & co are trying to get Eddie laid so they drag him to a kink dance night at a local gay bar that Steve&Robin help run. Eddie's taking a minute in the bathroom cause he's overwhelmed and Gareth is waiting in the hall for him when Steve finds them.

---

“So, what d’you think so far?” The voice outside the door wasn’t one Eddie recognized.

“It’s pretty cool,” Gareth’s voice replied. “But honestly, from the Facebook group I thought there’d be more spankings. I’ve only seen one since we got here.”

“Oh, more spankings, huh?” The strange voice said with a laugh. “Why, did you want one?” Eddie opened the bathroom door and froze, finding himself face to face with the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. He was tall and athletic, with big brown eyes and a swoop of hair that defied gravity. He was wearing a mesh top dotted with little glittery stars and jeans that looked even more form-fitting than Eddie’s, which was saying something.

“No, I don’t, but he does,” Gareth the Betrayer said sweetly. Before Eddie could protest, Gareth hooked an elbow into his and shoved him toward the stranger, who just laughed and reached out to steady Eddie’s shoulders with his big, warm hands.

“I only spank the willing and no offence, sweetheart, but you look a little unsure tonight,” he said kindly, giving his shoulders a firm squeeze before stepping back.

“No, I—what, I was just not expecting—I’m—yep, totally willing,” Eddie sputtered, still feeling the warmth of the stranger’s hands on his shoulders. “I’m Eddie?” He winced a little, practically feeling Gareth’s eyes rolling from behind him, and resisted the urge to hide behind his hands and hair as he usually did.

“You sure?” The stranger gave him a little smirk, and oh Jesus he was wearing lip gloss. Eddie was learning a whole lot about himself tonight.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure.”

“Okay, Sure, I’m Steve,” the stranger—no, Steve—joked, poking Eddie in the shoulder. “But no, seriously, no pressure, man."

#steddie #sarah writes #my fic #why can't i do read more on mobile 😭 #anyway steve's got dad jokes and i love that for him #stranger things

[altschmerzes]

Gav, do you have anymore wriggle up on dry land holiday thoughts to share? I've been thinking non stop about the snippets you posted, the idea of the holiday season being a bit of a jolt to Jamie's standing in his new family unit in his own mind is haunting me

oh yeah i think about this sorta thing ALLLLLL THE TIME it's like... i haven't thought too much about holidays in particular but things like that being a jolt to jamie's standing in his new family unit in his own mind is a great way to put it. it's deeply destabilizing for him every time he encounters something like that, something that makes him think about it and ask himself those questions directly - who am i to them, what is my place here, how long will it last, how much can i take, how much say do i get, etc.

and a BIG one in there is uncle's day, actually, speaking of holidays :) bc i'm keeping that part from season 3 though it's obviously a little different.

this is from when i was talking to another friend (thanks to @jamietxrtt this time, another prominent and beloved enabler of me generally and this au in particular) about the way that like. roy has a hard time with referring to james as jamie's dad when he's thinking about the man at all, because in his mind, that's ted now, and that's something ted earned. (and it's a little bit roy, too. there's a whole like- he's not Jamie's Dad the way that ted is but he very much is Jamie's Parent, and the distinction is a little odd and difficult to articulate but it's very similar to how he feels about phoebe, he's not her dad but he is her parent, etc. but it's still like...... when he thinks about what a father, what a dad ought to be, he feels that inside himself more than he could ever give it to james.)

which led to like. phoebe is the one who articulates this better and before anyone else can, and that's part of the uncle's day thing, which happens when jamie is seventeen and has been living with ted (and has had a room at roy's) for going on a year. when phoebe and sarah are arranging it, phoebe insists jamie has to come, because “he’s your uncle roy too” and jamie is like :? he is not.

and she sighs and rolls her eyes like little kids do when they think you’re being dense, and she’s like noooo i don’t mean he’s your UNCLE but he’s your UNCLE ROY just like he’s my uncle AND he’s my uncle roy and jamie is like. you’re gonna have to explain this one to me in a lot more words half pint.

and she sighs again and goes well. some kids at my school have a mummy and a daddy or two mummies or two daddies or just a mummy or just a daddy or one of my friends has a mummy and a parent - she pronounces this very deliberately - which is cool. AND my friend cecily has THREE mums and a dad because HER parents got DIVORCED and then they both got married again so she has FOUR parents which is NOT FAIR. anyways. i don’t have a mummy and a daddy or any of that. i have a mummy and an uncle roy. he isn’t my daddy but he’s my uncle roy, get it? and jamie nods bc he thinks he actually does get it yes.

and she goes okay. so you’ve got a daddy. that’s coach ted. but you’ve also got uncle roy. because he’s not your daddy and he’s not your uncle but he’s your uncle roy. get it?

and jamie, who is just about on the verge of tears now, nods again because yeah. He Gets It Now.

#gav gab #gav answers #fic: wriggle up on dry land #writing liveblog #boy there is some STUFF in here with jamie and sarah and phoebe that makes me insane to think about #this fic is about how jamie ends up with this enormous family that loves him dearly and two parents who are trying their hardest #to be the best they can for him. BUT. #jamie's coming out of this also with a baby brother and a baby sister. do not forget this. #and i have some scenes with jamie + henry and jamie + phoebe that're gonna kill #(me at least) #long post #listen when i say 'my parents' i am referring to my mother and grandmother usually #so i am like #really head over heels for the family things that theyve done with roy #and that i am expanding on #sometimes you have someone who is serving as a parent for you #but they are not your Mom Or Dad Or Parent Directly #yknow? #sometimes your parents are your mom and grandma. sometimes theyre your mom and uncle.

[firstkanaphans]

the moon and all her stars

[a deleted scene from 23.5, episode 6]

Because she was an alien, people expected Aylin to enjoy looking at the stars, but the truth was that she didn’t. Staring at the heavens far above her only made her feel homesick. She preferred observing from the safety of her bedroom instead. So when Luna began fiddling with her projector and set loose a constellation of stars upon her ceiling, Aylin was more than happy to lay on the floor with her and take in their cosmic beauty together.

The stars above her might not be real, but they hurt less than the real things.

“Do these stars have names?” Luna asked, pointing randomly to one of the bright lights above them. Although the stars on the ceiling did not mimic any real constellations, Aylin had lain just like this often enough to have memorized each one. She had named them herself and wrote their histories in her heart.

“Of course,” she said

“Then what’s that one called? The big one right in the middle.”

Aylin smiled because that one was her most favorite. “Home,” she said. She felt Luna turn to look at her, but she didn’t say anything, so Aylin just kept staring up at the stars. Eventually, Luna looked back at the ceiling.

“Does your planet have any moons?”

“Yes. One.”

“Well now it has two.”

Aylin smiled as the projector continued to spin, washing the room in an ethereal glow of purples and blues and pinks. No one else had ever been in here with her before. It felt nice to not be alone. 

Eventually, though, even Aylin had to admit that it was time for bed. The stars were more beautiful in her dreams anyway. 

“Good night, Human Senior,” she said, standing and flipping the projector back over to its usual setting. A glowing white moon returned to its rightful place in the middle of her ceiling and staring at its familiar craters, she felt content. “You can sleep on the floor.”

“Oh!” Luna argued as Aylin climbed into the twin bed she shared with her inflatable alien friend, Puuan, and pulled the covers up to her neck. “But you didn’t even give me any blankets!”

“Moons don’t need blankets.”

“Then neither do aliens!” 

The covers were pulled off of Aylin. She sat up, shocked to find that they were now clutched tightly in Luna’s hand. Luna smirked down at her and when Aylin tried to reach for the blankets, she snatched them away.

“Give those back!”

“If you want the blankets, then you have to share the bed.”

“But there’s not room on the bed,” Aylin argued. With her and Puuan lying side by side, there was no room for anyone else.

“Sure there is. You just have to tell Puuan to sleep on the floor. He won’t mind. He doesn’t get cold.”

“But this is Puuan’s bed!”

“Well then I hope Puuan can keep you warm,” Luna said and then laid down on the cold, hard floor and wrapped herself in Aylin’s blankets. 

Aylin tried to wrench them away from her, but Luna was holding on too tightly. She screamed out in frustration but, refusing to admit defeat, laid back down, wrapping her arms and legs around her alien friend, searching for warmth that wasn’t there. She looked at Puuan and then she looked at Luna.

“Fine!” she cried, setting Puuan down on the ground next to the bed. “You can sleep up here with me.”

Luna preened and sprang up as if Aylin had never rejected her at all. Then she climbed into bed next to her and threw the covers over them both.

Aylin was immediately struck by just how small her bed was. She’d never realized it before, but with Luna pressed right up against her side, she was immediately overwhelmed. She didn’t like when people touched her—not usually—but she was surprised to find that this time, she didn’t mind. It was a new sensation, but it was nice. Like a glass of water on a hot summer day.

“See,” Luna said, turning onto her side to look Aylin in the eyes. They were so close that her nose was almost touching Aylin’s cheek. “Isn’t this nice?”

“You’re very close,” Aylin said. 

“Yes, about that,” Luna agreed and then reached up and pushed Aylin’s antennas to the side so that they were still on her head, but lopsided. “Much better. Now they’re not hitting me. Good night!”

She turned onto her back and closed her eyes, immediately pretending to sleep as if she worried Aylin might kick her out if she stayed awake any longer. She wasn’t entirely wrong to think so. Aylin had considered it. But she didn’t. Instead, she lay there, thinking about the moon and the sun and the stars and how she had never felt more at home than this.

She chose not to question it. She straightened her antenna back up and fell asleep with one moon above her and another by her side—a piece of space fallen down to Earth. Just like her.

#oops my hand slipped #23.5 degrees #23.5 fic #aylinluna #aylinluna fic #sarah writes things

[chaoticsoft]

You want to be free? This is what it takes. This bitter work, this pulling back against the grain. It means having the tense conversations even when the scared animal in your chest is saying, "flee, danger, we aren't safe," (because there was a time when you weren't) but now you're 30 and it's this or endlessly putrefying in a lifetime of swallowed resentments. It's learning to say, "hey, I'm here and I matter too, just as much as you" even though your voice is shaking and something inside you is screeching with guilt. These generational pathways, these grooves, they were formed in just that—generations. Do you understand that you're breaking something, pushing outward into newness? Of course it's going to hurt like hell, of course it's going to feel alien and wrong and unnatural because you've been watered all your life with, "we don't talk about this" and "this isn't the way things are done." But you have to keep going, okay? This is the only way out. This is the only way to end up any different. This is the only way to be free.

#me @ myself #i'm sorry you were taught that love means hurting #means choking yourself on the unsaid #i'm sorry you were taught that by a mother and father who were also taught that #diary #sarah writes things

[mdemn]

being in the mafia fandom is so freeing because you don’t ever worry about what you’re saying landing with people. it’s like the fandom’s Thing for each member to say something wildly incomprehensible to the next person yet we all just nod our heads and agree. we all worldbuild lore. it’s like a fandom of ocs. a sim family if you will

#all of this to say that i think i am going to make a fic series about adolescent-YA sarah #and at first i was worried that no one would care but then i was like . my beloved 4 mutuals #in other fandoms i was so scared of writing and ‘wasting time’ on things no one else would ‘get’ #but this fandom is so different because EVERYONE writes about what they want to and no one cares if no one else gets it !!!! #10/10 experience i would recommend a small and dying fandom to everyone <3 #post: personal #mafia trilogy #mafia video games

[doomdoomofdoom]

Apparently there's currently discussion in science (humanities in particular) about whether video essays could be accepted as academic writing on par with the academic papers we currently have

I think that's awesome as fuck tbh

#brief ramble #a lot of “texts” these days are visual media #it only makes sense that discussion of it should be able to emulate this #and so many video essayists already do academia level research and writing #philosophy tube #hbomberguy #defunctland #come to mind especially #and a lot of media analysis these days comes in form of video essays #same with sociology #jessie gender #sarah z #alexander avila #cj the x #and so many more #obviously academic video essays would have a bunch of extra requirements and citation guidelines #and you probably cant put in that many jokes #but maybe itll also help make academia more accessible?? #oh hey and maybe the whole plagiarism thing wouldnt go as unchecked #honestly the day 'cj the x' becomes an academic source i am rejoining the science #that guy just makes my brain vibrate on the exactly right frequency

[animezinglife]

I love that TGM didn’t dumb the men down with the assumption that would make Phoenix or the other women stand out more. They’re equals: confident, capable, and having shown that they can compete with the best of the best. 

I love too that the women aren’t shoved into the usual box of what Hollywood often thinks a “strong woman” should be. There was no grandiosity, no loud or over-the-top assertions of self-importance, no desperate condescension towards the men they work with, and no ridiculous stripping away of their humanity and compassion. There’s no forcing Phoenix into more “masculine” characteristics just because she’s competing with men and is in a [very realistically] male-dominated role. She’s there because she’s one of the best and it shows in how she conducts herself. There’s no stripping away of Penny’s warmth and gracefulness just to give her more agency in her romance with Maverick--she doesn’t need it, because the writers understood that warmth and gentleness don’t at all mean weakness.

Personally, I have nothing but love for all the women of Top Gun: Charlie, Carole, Penny, Phoenix, Sarah, Amelia, etc. They’re women I feel like could all be part of my circle in real life.

There’s never been a “trick” to writing female characters. Writing normal women fixes problems on its own. 

#top gun: maverick #funny what a little thing like confidence and going outside will do to your writing #top gun maverick #top gun #lt. natasha ''phoenix'' trace #lt. natasha phoenix trace #phoenix trace #penny benjamin #charlie blackwood #carole bradshaw #sarah kazansky #amelia #halo