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spotsspeciall · 2 months

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Factory meetings vol.2 - LN4

Lando Norris x fem!reader

summary: second part to: Factory meetings

notes: Better late than never lol. Sorry for the long wait! But I write everything on PC, and of course something happened to it so I had to get it fixed. And not only that, but when I sat down to finally write, I had major writer's block! But here it is!! FINALLY!!

warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI. smut (double smut bby), unprotected (wrap it before you tap it!) p in v, language, jealous!Lando, rough, fingering, soft!Lando (shit got real at the end lol)

word count: 10k

masterlist

It had been a week since it happened. And next week you were supposed to see him again, the Chinese grand prix coming up. You were freaking out to put it mildly.

You had spent your off time at home, and you had shared what happened with Sophie. And as you suspected, she was shocked and a little grossed out. But you knew she would come around. And she did, so she asked you about all the details, when you told her, the two of you screamed and laughed together. Now the whole thing had turned into a sort of inside joke between you and Sophie.

But as the race week was coming up, you got more and more nervous. What was he going to act like now? You really didn’t want to face him, knowing what the two of you had done together. But you couldn’t stop thinking about it, day and night, it was seared into your brain. (But you didn’t want to stop thinking about it either.)

Walking into the paddock on Friday, you did your usual routine, unbothered by anyone. You made your way into the garage, and walked over to the workbench against the wall, and started looking through your tools.

You sorted through a few of them, getting them ready, knowing which ones you would need the most today.

You enjoyed getting into the garage a little earlier than the others, having some quiet, alone time. And getting in the zone. Focusing on your job so much that you didn’t notice someone walked in.

Lando walked into the garage, knowing you would be here. He only came here for you. He walked up behind you and looked over your shoulder, watching you picking up the different small tools.

You were so focused, but a familiar scent flooded your nose. He smelled so intoxicating, it literally made your knees weak. And the second it hit you, and you felt his hot breath at the back of your neck. You froze, and dropped the tool in your hand, making a clattering sound as it hit the table.

“Sorry, did I scare you baby?”

He was so close to your ear, and you could feel the smirk on his face.

You could not move, or utter a word. So Lando stepped to the side, and leaned his hip against the counter.

“I’m sorry, I was just curious to see what you were doing” He smiled sweetly at you, making your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“I- uh, I was just sorting through my tools, getting the ones I need the most” You answered without thinking, still somewhat confused why he was being nice.

“Oh, ok” he nodded, looking towards the tools like he was thinking about something.

You felt your jaw clench, and your eyes stared daggers at him. Your brain was connecting the dots. Of course he wasn’t being nice to you, he was looking for ways to annoy you, and tease you.

He reached his hand out to grab a small screwdriver to look closely at it.

“What is this one for?” He looked up from the screwdriver to meet your eyes with a soft look.

He was not fooling you. Lando could see your whole demeanor had changed. And you could see the look in his eyes changed, for some reason he looked kind of worried? It knocked you off balance, and the look in your eyes softened.

“Sorry if I'm bothering you, I was just curious” He looked dejected as he went to put the screwdriver back in its place.

Before you had any time to think, your hands flew out to grab onto his hand before he dropped the tool.

“No, I’m sorry” “You’re not bothering me” Your anxious eyes met his, but he looked back down to where you were both holding the screwdriver, your eyes following after.

You let his hand go and let out an awkward chuckle. Your eyes looking everywhere but him. But he stretched his hand out to give you the screwdriver.

“So you want to tell me what it’s for?” His sweet smile had returned, as you were forced to meet his eyes again.

“Uhm- yeah sure!” You grabbed the tool from his hand and turned on your heel to walk over to the front left tyre suspension.

You crouched down so your face was closer to the suspension. You turned your head to look for Lando, not feeling him behind you. He was still standing at the counter, so you waved him over. A giggle escaping you when he finally got the hint and walked over.

Soon enough he was beside you, crouched down just like you. So you pointed a finger to where the suspension was connected to the car.

“You see those small screws there?”

He looked a bit closer before turning to you. “yeah”

“Yup” “that’s what this is for” you held the screwdriver up as you nodded.

He let out a small chuckle. “You could’ve just told me that over there” He pointed towards where the both of you had been standing earlier.

“Yeah, but I wanted to show you.” “It’s good to know your car” You smiled brightly at him.

“Yeah, I guess” he smiled back.

You were just looking into eachothers eyes, completely lost in eachother. Until someone spoke up.

“What are you guys doing?” You looked up to meet the eyes of Jonas, one of your fellow mechanics.

“Oh- um, I was just showing him what this screwdriver is for” You held the tool up to show Jonas, trying to act as normal as possible, not like you had just been drowning in those gorgeous eyes.

“Okayyy..” Jonas narrowed his eyes at the pair of you before walking further into the garage.

You turned your head when you felt Lando stand up. Meeting his eyes when he towered over you, he stretched his hand out for you. It took you a moment to register before you put your hand in his, and he pulled you to your feet.

Now standing in front of him, you saw his mouth open and close, like he was going to say something. Lando was at a loss for words staring at you. The soft look you had in your eyes as you just looked at him, he felt like no one had ever looked at him that way. But he finally managed to get some words out.

“I- I have to go” “see you later” He nodded, and left before you could even say anything.

When he came back to the garage, to get ready for FP1, you talked with him when he got into the car.

“Everything’s good?” you asked, making sure the car seemed good.

“Yeah” “perfect like always Y/N” He smiled up at you.

“good”... “great”... “alright” You said as you tried to find something else to focus on, walking away to try and pretend to do your job.

You watched him put on his helmet, and when he finished adjusting it, he looked over at you and gave you a wink before he closed the visor, and drove out of the garage.

End of the day you walked towards the exit, ready to head back to the hotel. You had walked out with Jonas, getting a ride with him to the hotel.

Walking to his car, he nudged your side with his elbow.

“Hey” “What’s going on with Lando?” “I have never seen him like that” He had a sly smirk on his face.

“I really don’t know” “He just asked questions about the car, and I answered” You tried to laugh it off, he could not know what happened between the two of you.

“Weird” He laughed back.

Lando was standing by his car door, just about to get in before he heard your sweet laugh. He turned his head and watched you and Jonas talking and laughing together. You were standing so close. Lando felt his jaw clench, and his knuckles turned white when he squeezed his fists.

He watched the two of you get into the car and drive off, smile still present on your beautiful face. A smile he felt should only be for him. An unfamiliar feeling tugged at his heart, a feeling he didn’t like. And he knew the only person who could fix that, would be you. So he sped off after you, towards the hotel .

You and Jonas arrived at the hotel before Lando, and you didn’t waste any time making your way to your hotel room, saying goodbye to Jonas when you walked out of the elevator.

Entering your room, You headed straight to the pile of clothes on your bed, your comfy clothes, that you had left there when you had to change out of them this morning. After taking off your bra and putting the comfy clothes on, you collapsed on your bed, exhausted from the long day. You reached for your phone, and opened tiktok. But not even halfway through the first tiktok, there was a knock at your door.

It was quite aggressive, and it didn’t stop knocking. You figured maybe Sophie had just gotten back, and had some gossip to share with you. So you hurried over to open the door.

You tore the door open to stop the harsh knocking, and expected to be faced with Sophie, but instead you saw an angry looking Lando standing in front of you. You jerked your head back in confusion, and went to ask what he was doing here. But he was quicker.

He took a step forward, making you step backwards so he didn’t collide with you. He shut the door behind him, now in your room.

“Is he here?” He asked, frantically looking around the room.

“What?”

“Is Jonas here?” He was now staring at you, a fire in his eyes.

“What the fuck are you talking about Norris?” “And what the fuck are you even doing here?” You felt your eyes narrow at him, anger bubbling up inside you.

“I saw the two of you getting in his car, laughing and shit” “So you two are a thing now or what?” He took a step towards you, now so close that you could feel his breath on your face.

“Oh my god Lando!” You threw your hands up in frustration and opened your mouth to say more.

“Is. He. Here?” His voice was so low, and his eyes were so dark when he looked down at you.

“NO!” You yelled back.

And before you could tell him to get the fuck out, he grabbed the sides of your face and smashed your lips against his.

You melted at the kiss, and you snaked your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer to you. You couldn’t control yourself around him.

Lando was so tense, and so aggressive. But the second you kissed him back, and held onto him. You felt him relax against you. The kiss immediately turning passionate and sweet.

But Lando was still jealous, and his hunger for you only grew as you kept kissing him back. He took slow steps forward, making you follow him towards the bed.

Before your legs hit the bed, you felt Lando grab onto the hem of your sweater and swiftly pulled it over your head, your tits bouncing from the sheer force he used.

His eyes immediately found your chest and he made the softest moan.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you” He muttered.

He tore his own clothes off, and yours. Until you both were completely naked. He wasted no time in capturing your lips again, his hands roaming all over your body, before they found their way to the back of your thighs, squeezing them to signal you to jump. And you did, no hesitation.

A moan escaped your throat when you felt his dick against your inner thigh. But you didn’t even have time to think about it before you back hit the soft mattress, as he threw you onto the bed.

Opening your eyes, you looked up to see Lando still standing there, looking at you with a hungry look in his eyes before he climbed onto the bed, and made his way between you legs.

Your legs wrapped themselves around his waist, but he kept enough space between you, so his dick wasn’t near you, making you whine. You just wanted him already. His eyes immediately found yours when you made that sound, catching him off guard.

“I didn’t know you needed me that bad babe” “Patience darling” He grabbed onto your jaw as he brought your face closer to his and whispered “Patience”.

You crashed your lips against his, tightening your hold around his waist, trying to pull him closer. When he felt what you were doing, he pulled back and looked down at you with dark eyes.

“So needy”

You felt his fingers softly grazing the inside of your thigh, so close to where you needed him. Your hips moved, trying to find his fingers. And he gave in, tracing a finger through your folds.

He pushed a finger slowly inside, making you throw your head back and moan. He saw the effect it had on you, and soon added a second finger. Slowly pushing them in and out. And when he started tracing circles on your clit with his thumb, you were a moaning mess.

You grabbed a hold of his forearm that was resting on your thigh, and you opened your eyes and met his. He had that same dark look that you were getting used to seeing, and his mouth was slightly open. It was like he was studying your every facial expression, seeing how much effect he had on you.

You went to close your eyes again, you climax getting close. But he quickly pulled his fingers all the way out, the loss of his fingers making you gasp.

And when you opened your eyes to look at him, you saw him slowly bring his fingers to his mouth, he sucked his fingers clean and let out a groan at the taste.

“Fuck, you taste so sweet”

Without warning his fingers entered you again, forcefully sliding in and out. It made you arch your back from the sudden pleasure. You squeezed your eyes shut and grabbed a hold of the sheets beneath you.

It didn’t take long until he was satisfied and pulled them back out. And before you could complain again, he was above you.

You opened your eyes to see his face hovering above yours, you looked deep into his eyes, completely mesmerized. Until you felt something wet on your lips. You looked down to see the fingers he just had inside you.

“Now be a good girl and open up”

And you did. Slowly opening your mouth and welcoming his fingers.

You could taste yourself, and it made you moan. Sucking his fingers completely clean, swirling your tongue around the two digits. You could see it in his eyes, just how weak you made him.

He went to pull his fingers out of your mouth, but before they completely left your mouth, his grip tightened around your jaw.

As he was holding on to your jaw, he looked deep into your eyes as he entered you, hard, until he bottomed out inside you. It caught you off guard and you let out a loud moan.

“Fuck” “I missed you so much sweetheart” His voice was low and rough.

He slowly pulled out of you, until his tip was the only thing inside you, before he slammed back into you, making your eyes roll to the back of your head.

He kept thrusting at a relentless pace, making your breathing uneven as he was slamming into you. His hold on your jaw softened, as he soon let his hand wander down to softly rest against the side of your throat.

He buried his head in your neck, making you hear every small sound he made. His breathing heavy, and small groans he let out. You wanted- no. You needed to hear more.

You wrapped your legs tighter around him, and your fingers raked up his biceps and shoulders, until they found the back of his neck.

You were clawing and grabbing at anything you could. And you arched your back as much as you could, the pleasure immense.

You whined in his ear. “Lando”

It made him lift his head out of your neck, his face red and sweaty. Some of his curls stuck to his forehead. He looked heavenly.

It made you grab the sides of his face, dragging him down so his lips landed on yours. It was sloppy and wet, but god, the way his mouth felt on yours was breathtaking.

Lando was the one to break the kiss, lifting his head to catch his breath. As he looked down at you, your mouth slightly open, your lips wet and pink, your pupils dilated as you looked deep into his eyes. It made him mutter out a string of curse words as he picked up his pace, chasing his orgasm.

He found that spot inside you that made you see stars, your own orgasm getting close. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, as you kept looking up at Lando, you couldn’t tear your eyes away.

Lando’s hand, which had been resting on the side of your throat, moved to wrap itself around your throat, and he tightened his grip. He didn’t make it difficult for you to breathe, but he was putting pressure that made everything feel so much better.

Your hands wrapped themselves around his forearm, nails digging into his skin. Your mouth opened as you let high pitched moans slip out.

“You like that huh?” He was almost grinning at you.

You couldn’t get words out, but a drawn out “mhm” came out of you.

Your orgasm was so close, as Lando’s pace had only picked up, and he was still slamming into you with so much force.

Lando felt it, your pussy clenching just a little bit more around him.

“You close? hm?”

“Yes” Was all you managed to get out, your eyes closing as you focused.

It took all the strength Lando had to slow his pace and soften his movement just enough to not make you cum yet.

Your hips moved to try and chase your orgasm, but when Lando felt that, his hold on your throat squeezed to get your attention.

Opening your eyes, you were met with Lando’s dark eyes. You couldn’t help but beg.

“Please let me cum” “Please Lando” You sound as whiny as you could, hoping he would give in.

“I will” “When you tell me who you belong to” His voice was deep and he sounded almost angry. But a smirk grew on his face when he felt your pussy clench again, just from what he said.

“You Lando” “I belong to you” You were giving him your all, desperate for him to let you cum.

“And who’s the one making you feel this good?”

“You Lando” “It’s all you” you moaned. “Please”

“Fuck sweetheart” “I can’t resist you when you beg like that”

His hand left your throat and circled around your waist, his palm spread on your back. He lifted you with him as he sat further up on his knees. The only thing holding you in this position was his hand, his other hand on the bed, holding the both of you up.

Your own hands grabbed onto his shoulder to hold yourself against him.

He started moving his hips again, still inside you. This new position made him go just a bit deeper, making you feel fuller than before. Your climax nearing quickly.

His head once again found the crook in your neck, and buried itself there making small sloppy kisses along your neck and shoulder.

Your hand flew up to grab onto his curls as he fucked up into you, until your climax finally hit. A drawn out moan escaping you as every muscle in your body tensed before they relaxed, finally getting that release.

You felt Lando’s teeth sink into your shoulder as he filled you up. A low groan coming from him.

He slowly let you sink back on the bed, collapsing on top of you, breathing ragged as one of your hands caressed the back of his neck.

You hadn’t felt this relaxed in months, his now soft breathing almost lulling you to sleep, until you hear him softly mutter against your skin.

“I can’t get enough of you"

You stirred awake as the brightness of the sun hit your face. Slowly opening your eyes, you looked out of the window to see the sun rising, it was gorgeous.

You felt so cozy as you laid tangled in your sheets. You closed your eyes again to just enjoy the quiet morning. But right as you did, you hear someone breath out a quiet sigh against your shoulder. Opening your eyes and turning your head, you were met with a still sleeping Lando.

His face was turned towards you and both of his arms were wrapped tightly around you. His curls were messy, and cute. He looked so peaceful.

You had never seen him like this, because usually he was being a cheeky bastard. But now, you couldn’t help but marvel at his features as the sun illuminated his face.

He distracted you, so it took you a moment before you realized he was in your bed, in your hotel room, cuddling with you. You must’ve fallen asleep last night, and he must’ve not left. Why did he not leave?

You kind of freaked out a little, and you needed to pee. So when Lando turned onto his back, one arm slipping away from you, you took your opportunity and slipped out of bed.

You grabbed a tshirt and underwear on your way to the bathroom. After you peed, you stood in front of the mirror as you washed your hands. Looking at yourself, you slipped the shirt over your head, and pulled your underwear on.

You decided to do your usual morning routine while you were in here. So you did your skin care, and brushed your teeth before you stopped to look at yourself again.

What were you going to do about Lando? This time, to stop your mind from overthinking it, you decided to just open the bathroom door and walk out.

Opening the door, Lando was facing away from you, still sleeping. So you turned around to close the door carefully.

When you turned back around, a sleepy Lando was looking back at you. You froze in your place, unsure of what to do. He slowly lifted the covers to where you had been previously laying.

“Come back in here” His voice was so gravelly and low, just incredibly sexy.

“Uh- I- um-”

“Come on”

Your body acted for you as you stepped towards the bed, before you slid under the covers. His arms wrapping around your waist to pull you into his chest. His head was resting on your shoulder, and he was actually snuggling into you. You didn’t realize how tense you were until he mumbled.

“Relax baby”

So you did. He was so warm and soft, it made you feel so safe and comforted as he was holding you. So you turned over to face him, sliding down so you could bury your face in his chest. You felt a small chuckle escape him, and one of his hands started tracing figures on your back.

You hadn’t noticed you fell asleep again until he softly asked.

“Do you have to be at the track any sooner than two?”

You left your place in his chest and looked up at him, you didn’t really understand what he said as you were still half asleep.

You saw a warm smile spread on Lando’s face. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

You lifted a hand to rub your eyes, “Yeah, but it’s fine”

He stayed quiet, just studying your face.

“But what did you say?” You dropped your hand and stared up at him.

“I just asked if you had to be at the track any sooner than two” You couldn’t place the look he had on his face.

“Oh” “Uh, no” “You?”

“No”

You didn’t really know what to say now. He had such an intense look on his face and you didn’t know what to do.

He leaned his head down to capture your lips in the softest kiss yet. It was a loving kiss, so foreign to come from Lando.

You melted against the kiss, humming against him as you let him lay you down on your back as he hovered above you, lips still attached. He was the one to break the kiss, lifting his head to look down at you.

“You want breakfast?”

“um- yeah” You smiled up at him, and nodded wildly.

He smiled back and lifted himself off to get out of bed.

You were sitting at a table outside of a cafe. The chair opposite you empty. You sat there staring off into space as you chewed on your bottom lip. Thinking about Lando’s sudden change in personality.

You didn’t have time to dwell on it too hard before a coffee was placed in front of you. You looked up to meet Lando’s eyes as he sat down across from you.

“Everything okay?” His eyebrows furrowed, he almost looked concerned.

“Uh- yeah!” “But how did you know this is my favorite coffee?” You pointed down to the cup in front of you.

A smile grew on his face. You could never get sick of seeing that kind smile.

“I pick up on things you know” He seemed so satisfied with himself as he took a sip of his own coffee, leaning back in his chair.

After a good Friday on track in Miami, you walked towards the garage on Saturday, sporting an unusually bright smile. Maybe the reason for it was the work environment?

Everyone in the garage had been in such a better mood this race weekend, you couldn’t put your finger on why. But, even Lando had a smile on his face most of the time. He was so much easier to work with, and started being really kind to the mechanics and engineers, and everyone basically.

The good mood was probably just because the team had been doing so good lately, and Miami was a great track for Red Bull. Yeah, of course it was just that.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you saw Sophie walking towards you. She looked confused and something akin to anger. It made you slow your speed as your smile dropped, worry setting in.

When she finally caught up with you she whisper-yelled at you. “Have you slept with Lando again?!”

She immediately figured out the answered when you looked down at the ground and mumbled a quiet “oh fuck”.

“Jesus Y/N” she sighed.

“I- uh- shit.” “It just happened one time ok!” Your eyes met her in a pleading look.

She didn’t answer, but relief washed over you when she cracked a smile and chuckled.

“Shit, this bad isn’t it?” She smiled even more at your question.

“No, actually not”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion at her answer.

“I just asked because I had to do some media work with Lando and Oscar, and Lando has never been that easy to work with. And he was smiling and laughing more than I have ever seen.” “And I know why” She nodded, seeming so secure in her reason.

“Oh that's good!” “But yeah, that's because he’s been getting good results lately and Miami’s going to be great for him no?”

“No” You looked at her even more confused.

“He’s more happy now, than when he got his first win. And the only thing that has changed around him since then, is that you have been sleeping with him.” She looked so smug, and so confident.

You let out a short laugh. “You’re insane Sophie” “You’re suggesting he’s happier because we have been sleeping together?”

“I’m not suggesting. I know”

“Bullshit” You scoffed. “I don’t have time for this Sophie, I have to get to the garage”

“I’ll join you!”

“Fine.” You rolled your eyes.

You walked into the garage with Sophie beside you as she talked about what media work she had for the rest of the day.

The second you walked towards where Lando’s car was parked, Sophie was interrupted.

“Y/N! there you are!” Lando was almost jogging over towards you, a warm smile on his face.

As he stopped in front of you, and looked down at you with such a soft look, making your breath hitch in your throat.

“We need to do the seat check, and you’re the only one who can get it right” He chuckled.

Your eyes flickered over to Sophie and you saw her smirking back at the two of you. Looking back at Lando, he just looked at you, like he was waiting for an answer.

“Oh- uh- Yeah” “Of course” You tried your best to not seem flustered.

Lando’s smile grew just a bit more and he nodded, making his way to get into his car. You looked back at Sophie and she whispered “I am so right” before she winked at you and turned to talk to some of the mechanics. .

Coming back to it, you walked over to the car and leaned over the halo, closer to where Lando was sitting.

“So, you think something needs adjusting?” You turned your head to look him in the eyes.

Your faces so close to each other as he looked back at you. And yeah, you had slept with him two times now, but the atmosphere was so different in a situation like this.

He quickly turned his head to look straight ahead before speaking.

“Yeah, just this bit here” He pointed at what he was talking about, and you nodded before standing up to go retrieve the tool you needed.

Coming back, you leaned back over the halo, and luckily it was in a place that was fairly easy to access while he was still in the car. So when you finished, you turned back to Lando.

“Like that?”

Lando didn’t answer, but as he looked at you, he slowly lifted his hand and tucked some hair behind your ear.

“Perfect” he whispered.

You could feel his breath on your face as you just stared back at him, stunned. And he just kept looking at you with those soft eyes that you were completely lost in.

Your ”staring contest” was interrupted when someone shouted for Lando. Finally being able to move, you stepped back and turned over to your workbench, and tried to shake it off. Your cheeks warm, you probably resembled a tomato.

You tried reminding yourself that he was still a dick he was probably just faking being nice so you would keep sleeping with him or something. Yes. That was definitely it.

After Lando left the garage with the person who was calling him, Jonas walked up to you.

“Is it just me or has Lando been weirdly nice lately?” He leaned towards you as he spoke quietly so no one would hear.

You turned to look at him, eyes wide, your facial expression betraying you. He leaned back and his eyebrows furrowed, clearly confused about your reaction.

You tried your best to brush it off like it was nothing. “Yeah, I just thought it was because he finally got his win, and is getting consistently good results” You forced a smile to try and seem normal, but your mind was running wild about what Sophie had said.

“Yeah sure” “That has to be it” He started smirking before he slowly walked away, still smirking at you. Your mind was panicking.

You walked into the Red Bull factory, bright and early in the morning, the warm spring sun making you mood ten times better.

As you walked past the trophy wall, you saw some people putting in two new trophies. One for first place, and one for second. Lando won in Miami, and Max came second.

You thought back to the podium where you stood underneath it all as you watched Lando get drowned in champagne, huge smile on his face. He looked irresistible up there. Good thing you didn’t get a moment alone with him after the podium. You probably would’ve folded like a lawn chair if you did.

All you had today was a bunch of boring meetings, and office work.

The day went by slowly, and when it was finally time to go home. You packed up everything into your bag. And while you stood there, you felt a presence beside you.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here today sweetheart” You could hear that familiar smirk in his voice. It made you roll your eyes.

You turned around and looked at him. He was standing so close, no doubt on purpose.

“Yes, you did” You crossed your arms over your chest.

“Now, how would I know that?” His smirk somehow grew.

“Why else did you come all the way over here to my desk?” You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Hope” He said softly, and the look in his eyes changed.

It took you aback. How he was able to change so quickly from his usual cheeky self, to sweet and kind. You didn’t get to reply before he spoke again.

“You wanna walk out together?”

“Um- Yeah sure” You grabbed your bag and walked beside him through the building.

Walking out of the doors, The two of you walked towards the car park, and stopped in front of Lando’s car. He looked over at you.

“Did you drive here?”

“Yeah” You smiled at him.

“Oh, okay” He sounded almost disappointed, but quickly brushed it away. “See you soon then!” He smiled big at you before getting into his car.

You just managed to blurt out “See you!” before he closed his car door, and drove off.

You stood there confused for a second, before you decided not to think too much about it and just get in your own car and drive home.

You had made yourself a nice dinner, and plopped down in front of the tv to watch your favorite comfort show.

After finishing, you put the dishes in the dishwasher, and your phone vibrated from your pocket. You pulled it out, and when the screen lit up, you saw the name “Lando Norris”.

“hey are you home?”

You felt your eyebrows furrow in confusion. But you still typed out a reply.

“yeah why?”

He responded right away.

“sorry, I’m just really bored and I want to see you”

“Lando…”

“do you just want sex?”

“no!” “I know it sounds like that haha but I just want company”

Your heart made the decision for you. Fuck it.

“here’s my address;”

It didn’t take long before you heard a knock on your door, and you opened it for him to come in.

After he stepped inside, you closed the door behind him. And while your back was still turned to him, you felt his hands wrap themselves around your torso, holding you tight against him. And his forehead rested on your shoulder. It made you stop in your tracks, confused.

“A-Are you okay?” you asked softly.

“Yeah” “I am now” His voice muffled because of your sweater.

You didn’t really know what to do, so you stayed still.

Eventually he said something.

“You smell good” He mumbled as he buried his head further into your shoulder.

“Oh- um- thanks” You felt your face heat up. Strange how a compliment like that had such an effect on you.

He just kept holding you, and you had been standing like this for a good few minutes now.

“You wanna go sit down on the couch?”

“Fine” He hesitated, but slowly pulled back until you could step aside and make a move towards the couch.

Sitting down, you reached forward to pick the remote off the table while you felt Lando sit down beside you. You pressed play on what you had been watching earlier, and turned over to look at Lando with a questioning look.

He looked back at you with an innocent look, like he was kind of intimidated by your stare.

"So.. Why did you really want to come?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“I honestly just wanted to spend time with you” He breathed out.

“Weirdo” You whispered while you leant back into the couch. You heard Lando let out a chuckle.

You shifted your eyes to the tv, and tried to pay attention to it. But from the corner of your eye, you could see Lando shuffling closer to you, until your shoulders, and thighs were touching.

You turned your head to look up at him. He was already looking down at you with a look in his eyes that made you feel warm and fuzzy. That man could make you feel so many emotions just from his eyes alone.

Despite wanting to drown in his eyes, you turned your head away, and looked back at the tv.

Lando was sitting there, still looking at your face studying the tv. He feared he might have pushed it too far, coming here, sitting so close. But the feeling of you leaning into his body silenced his mind quickly, and he made himself a little more comfortable as he relaxed against you.

You had been sitting in silence for what felt like 15 minutes, until you decided to say something.

“Sorry if this is really boring” “You want to do something else?” You looked over at him through the corner of your eye.

“No I’m not bored” “But is there something you had in mind?” He looked back at you.

You had just the thing. You stood up and walked over to where your Nintendo switch was, in the stand by the tv. You hooked everything up and grabbed the controls, walked back over and handed one to Lando.

“Mario Kart”

Lando’s smirk grew, “Oh baby, you know I’m going to win.” His eyes giving you a sympathetic look.

“Oh Lando..” “You just wait and see pretty boy” You gave him that same sympathetic look, and your hand reached up to softly hold the side of his face.

Lando could feel his heart beat faster. The way you looked at him and held his face. And when you called him “pretty boy” he was done for. He really considered letting you win just by the sheer confidence radiating from you. But when you booted up the game and started choosing the character, his usual competitive personality came back, and he would do everything he could to beat you.

You were on the last track, and the two of you had been so even, so whoever won this track, won the game. Lando was sweating, he would say he was surprised that you were this good, but he honestly wasn’t.

You were in first place, Lando hot on your tail. And you had just entered the last round, and Lando could see his victory slipping away. He looked over at you and saw how focused you were, your tongue sticking out of your mouth in concentration.

He saw his perfect opportunity to strike. So he bumped his knee against yours.

“Hey!” “No fair!” You kept your eyes on the screen as you tried to keep your focus.

Lando then decided to do the worst, and threw away everything he worked so hard for when one of his hands left the controller and stretched out to grab onto your waist. Making your whole body jolt with the contact.

And soon after, he started tickling you. You tried your best to make it to the finish line, you really did. But you had no control over how your body reacted to the insistent tickling.

So the controller flew from your hands, as you tried to stop his arms from moving, to no use. He kept going, now, somehow hovering above you.

Finally, he gave you a moment to breathe, his hands still holding on to your sides, as he just looked down at you trying to catch your breath.

You closed your eyes, focusing on your breath. You felt Lando bury his head in the crook of your neck, and his arms circled your waist so he was holding around you, making you arch your body up against him. He put his whole body weight on yours as he laid down on top of you. And you felt him slowly breathing in and out against your neck.

You didn’t know what to say or do, so you just let him be. You just closed your eyes and figured you might as well enjoy the comfort, because it was really really comfortable. You lifted your arms and carefully wrapped them around him, so they were resting on his strong back.

When Lando felt your arms wrap around him and rest on his back, he automatically buried his head just a bit more, and tightened his grip around you, so you were even closer than before, if that was even possible.

You could hear the quiet background music still coming from the unfinished game. And you could both hear and feel that Lando’s breath was slowing down, and his body relaxing against you.

Lando was almost falling asleep. He tried to fight it, but you were just so comfortable. And he didn’t want to admit it, but just the fact that he was holding around you, and you him, was making him feel safe and sound. Lando was on the verge of snoring, and you were noticing.

“Lando” “Are you falling asleep?” You softly whispered, a question you already knew the answer to.

“No” you felt him mumble against your skin. The sound in his voice making it clear that he was lying.

Lando felt your body shake as you let out a short giggle.

“Was it that obvious?” You felt him smile against your skin.

“You were almost snoring” “So, yes.” You kept giggling.

Lando let out a short chuckle before he lifted his head so he looked down at you.

“Well, It’s your fault that you’re so comfortable” He smiled. Such a sweet smile you loved that you were seeing more of.

Your smile mimicked his as you looked up at him. Lando’s eyes quickly darted across your face, looking at all of your features, committing them to his memory. You looked angelic. Your smile warming up his heart that had grown a bit too cold in recent years. He was already feeling the effects of your warmth. His smile being more common than it used to be. And portraying a kindness to try and match yours. If anyone knew how he felt, they would say he was falling in Love.

Your smile faded, but a soft look still remained on your face. The way that Lando was looking at you, it was like you were completely naked and vulnerable in front of him. But the emotion behind his eyes showed only comfort and admiration. So it wasn’t uncomfortable, quite the opposite.

In that moment, you hoped he would never stop looking at you like that. And to Lando, he would never even want to stop looking at you at all.

Without either of you noticing, your faces had gotten so close, to the point where your lips were just barely touching. Your hands came up to cradle both sides of his face, and the comfort of the feeling, made Lando capture your lips in a soft kiss.

He was in control, and he was kissing you oh so slowly and carefully. Lando had turned so soft and kind, like he cared for you, deeply. He kissed you like you were fragile, Which you both knew from experience that you weren’t. You couldn’t take it anymore.

One of your hands traveled up to tug at his hair, and the other wrapped around his bicep that was beside your head, nails digging into the skin, hoping it could signal him into doing more.

Either Lando didn’t pick up on your signs, or he did it on purpose. But that man did nothing to heat up the kiss. If anything, he almost kissed you slower.

So you decided to wrap your legs around his waist, your core meeting the bulge in his pants. Unfortunately, he was only half hard, but that was something you intended on changing in a matter of seconds.

You started moving your hips slowly, up and down against his length, it solicited a small hum from his throat. But that was all it did. Somehow Lando kept his composure.

But you could feel his dick twitching in his pants. The friction you received from it was making you quietly moan into his mouth. You were going to break him. Make him snap.

You disconnected your legs from him, and you almost heard him whine at the loss of contact. Both of your hands landed on his chest, and you gave a little push, signaling him. He sat up on his knees, and looked down at you, his eyes hooded.

You sat up on your knees in front of him and gave him another small shove in the chest. “Lay down.” You breathed out.

He did what you said, and layed down on his back, looking up at you with anticipation. You lifted yourself so you could sit back down over his thighs, straddling him.

You sat far enough back that his now very obvious bulge was right in front of your core.

You looked back up to find Lando’s eyes and the darkened, familiar look you saw in them, made a shiver run down your spine.

As you kept eye contact, you brushed your fingertips over his clothed dick. It made his eyes flutter close, and he tilted his head all the way back, his neck more exposed.

You flattened your palm over the bulge, and moved your hands up and down along the length, in a slow and soft pace. You could see the veins on Lando’s neck getting more visible, as he was straining himself, trying to chase the movement of your hand with his hips.

His breathing was ragged, and his eyes squeezed shut. And small, choked whimpers came from him. He looked so pretty.

You decided to give him what he wanted. And when Lando felt your hand disappear, his eyes shot open to beg you for more. But when his eyes landed on you, you had already opened the button on his pants, and dragged the zipper down.

Lando didn’t have a moment to register it, before your hand was wrapped around his length. A guttural moan came out of him, eyes squeezing shut again.

While your hand was starting to slowly move up and down, with the other, you wrapped your fingers around the base of his cock. Moving further and further down to hold on to his balls.

You could tell you were doing a good job, just by the amount of sounds coming from Lando. Both his hands had formed fists, his knuckles white as he was doing everything in his power to not snap.

You swiped your thumb across the tip, collecting the precum that had seeped out. His breath shuddered, and he opened his eyes to look at you with a pleading look.

It almost made you do exactly what he wanted, almost. But instead, you stopped your movements, and decided to torture him a little.

So you made your way to stand up and walk off. But the second your feet were on the ground, and your back turned to him. His arms wrapped around your waist, and he pulled you back down.

You were both sitting on your knees, your back against his chest, and you could feel him poking against your backside. You felt heat flow to your core just at the thought of what he was going to do now.

Lando grabbed on to the hem of your shirt, and tore it off. His hands immediately finding your bra, unclasping it, and throwing it towards where your shirt went.

His hands forcefully grabbed your breasts and he ground his hips into your ass, moaning into your ear.

You could do nothing but wait for his next move. One of his hands slowly traced along your stomach, making its way down to the hem of your pants, while his other hand was wrapped around your torso, holding you tight against him.

His hand found the button on your pants, and unbuttoned it with one hand, and slowly slid down the zipper.

His chin was resting on your shoulder, as he looked down to see his hand sliding into your panties.

You threw your head back at the feeling, resting it on his shoulder. One of his fingers found your hole, and collected the wetness there.

“Oh, so wet” He cooed in your ear.

His finger found your clit as he started circling it slowly. Your mouth had opened, as you let all of your sounds spill out.

Soon he added more pressure, and his touch was more focused. If he kept it up, it wouldn’t be long before you came.

You tilted your head so your mouth was close to his ear, and you whimpered. “fuck Lando” “Please keep going” You begged.

Quickly, without warning, he pulled his hand out. You whined in complaint.

“Not so fun now, is it?” He spoke directly in your ear.

You didn’t even have time to reply before he was pulling your pants down to your knees, and instructing you to lift them, so he could take them all the way off.

You did what he said, leaning your upper body forward on the couch, ass up towards him.

After he tore yours off, you turned your head over your shoulder, to see him hurrying to take his own off.

His hand landed on your back, pushing your upper body further into the couch, your face squished in the cushions.

Both of his hands slid down to your ass, and grabbed it firmly, enjoying the sight. And shoved you even more, so he could see more of you.

You couldn’t see what he was doing, but you felt one of his hands slide further towards your core. And then you felt how close he was when he spoke.

“God, you’re beautiful” He was in awe, just looking at you.

But soon, his finger found your wet hole, and slowly slid inside. You sighed into the couch cushion, and moved your hips back onto his finger, taking in as much as you could.

He couldn’t take it anymore, he needed to be inside you. He quickly removed his finger, and you were about to complain. But before you could get a word out, his hands grabbed onto your hips and pulled you back towards him. His dick slid inside so well, filling you up just like you wanted. The feeling almost making you scream.

He let out a loud groan, finally getting the feeling of you being wrapped around him again. He had a tight grip on your hips as he pulled you back to meet his hips everytime he shoved himself inside you.

His thrusts were getting rough and hard, and you were loving every second of it. Him in complete control, and you babbling incoherent sounds into the cushions.

You felt the heat build up inside you, and you were getting close. Lando kept his pace up and you could feel his balls slapping against you, the sound of your skin slapping together and both of you moaning was unholy.

You felt Lando lean forward, arm wrapping around your waist, and the other around your chest, so his palm was flattened right against your beating heart. You didn’t even have time to think about what he was doing, the new angle making you see stars.

Lando pulled your body up as he sat back on his knees. your back against his chest. Just like you were earlier.

He held you tight against him, as he now fucked up into you. You didn’t think the angle of him inside you could get any better, but oh, how wrong you were.

You heard Lando swearing under his breath, and you leaned your head back against his shoulder, a moaning mess, and so close. “Lando..” “I’m clo-”

You didn’t get to finish your words before you felt the hand that was wrapped around your waist, slide down to circle his middle finger around your clit. You almost screamed out, the pleasure almost being too much.

And when you felt his other hand wrap around your throat and squeeze, you were done for. Your eyes rolling into the back of your head as it all came crashing down.

Your thighs were shaking, and your walls were constricting around him, milking him for all he was worth, which sent him over the edge.

He let out a soft whimper as he came, the sound alone almost making you cum for a second time.

His arms wrapped tightly around your middle, almost hugging you as his forehead rested against your shoulder.

He took some deep breaths, breathing in your scent, and hummed against you. You felt him growing soft inside you, and some of your fluids started running down your thighs.

You felt Lando softly lift your hips so he could slide out of you, the emptiness making you whine. He chuckled before he kissed your shoulder and stood up. You collapsed forward on the couch, too tired so stay sitting on your knees.

You heard Lando walk away towards the bathroom, and soon after, you heard the shower start. You furrowed your brows, a bit confused. Kind of a dick move to just hop in the shower and leave you collapsed on the couch.

You didn’t even hear Lando walk back out until you felt his fingers softly gracing your arm as he asked you; “You think you can stand up?”

You turned your head and looked up at him, you saw a glint in his eyes when he looked at you, no doubt caused by how absolutely fucked out of your mind you looked.

You softly nodded against the soft pillows and muttered out a “Maybe” as you lifted yourself up and tried to stand up. Lando’s hand held onto your bicep just in case you needed any help. And he looked like he was ready to catch you if your knees even buckled.

Which they did, and Lando immediately wrapped his free arm around your waist, holding you up with such a force that your toes were the only thing touching the ground.

After he just fucked you like that, he was so soft and caring. You really liked this side of him, and silently wished you could see more of it.

Lando’s eyes searched yours with a hint of worry. But they softened when you reassured him you were fine. But he kept an arm wrapped around you as he walked the two of you towards your bathroom, where the shower had been heating up.

He helped you step inside, and followed after you. And the two of you enjoyed a nice warm shower together, him holding around you almost the entire time, constantly worried your legs would give out.

You were softly awakening, feeling your hair being brushed behind your ear, and soft fingers tracing your face. You slowly opened your eyes to find his eyes looking back at you.

Lando had a lovesick smile on his face. “You look so beautiful in the morning” His voice was deep and raspy.

You felt yourself blush and you lifted the covers to hide your face.

Lando sat upright and lifted one of his hands to try and tug the cover away, “No, don’t hide” “I want to see you”

You peeked your eyes over the covers, seeing nothing but truth behind Lando’s eyes. You lowered the covers.

“Thank you baby” His smile grew, and you saw his eyes searching your face, like he was trying to count the freckles on your skin. It gave you a moment to do the same, now really noticing the moles beside his nose, and the ones scattered across his cheeks.

You noticed his face coming closer to yours, and when you met his eyes you saw how he was looking at your lips. You sat up and met him halfway, reaching up to hold his face, dragging him back down. He threw out an arm to hold himself above you, leaning more into the kiss.

Lando was the one to pull back, and looked at you with a glint in his eye, like he knew something you didn’t.

Before you had time to think about your words, your mouth opened.

“Why are you so nice now?” You saw his mouth frown slightly, the sight making you wince. You wanted to take it back.

You opened your mouth again to try and fix your mistake, but Lando was quicker.

“I know..” “I have been thinking about it myself” He sighed and laid down beside you, and quickly glanced at you before he looked anywhere but you.

You saw that he was struggling, regret seeping into your veins. “I’m sorry Lando, I didn’t mean it” “You don’t have to say anything” “I’m so sorry” You carefully looked at him, wanting nothing more than to smack yourself for talking before thinking.

“No, no” “I’m just trying to collect my thoughts. I’m not that great with words” He let out an awkward chuckle.

His eyes finally met yours again, and you could see the vulnerability behind Lando’s eyes. He smiled softly before speaking again.

“My last few seasons at McLaren were not good. The car was not working for me, and I wasn’t doing good mentally, so I really started to spiral. I made the mistake of not talking about it, and that only made it worse.” “It made me angry and resentful. Which made me lose the people close to me.” “I got so used to being like that, thinking it was the best solution. And then I made the move to Red Bull, it made it better in the sense that the car was better, I was less miserable. But It still didn’t change my attitude and anger. Thinking that if I went back to being the old me, it would hurt me.”

“So when we slept together the first time, it made me feel so confident.” He smiled sheepishly at you.

He continued. “And when we slept together that second time, it made me feel unstoppable. And that morning, I was so comfortable around you that I didn’t even think about how I was acting. It was such a nice morning. The nicest one I’ve ever had.” You felt yourself blush.

“And after that day, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I found happiness in everything, something I haven’t felt in a long time. It never even crossed my mind about my change in attitude, until people asked me about it.” “And when I thought about it, I just thought about you.” His eyes no longer met yours, a shyness about Lando that you had never seen.

“When I’m with you, I feel like myself again”

Lando couldn’t bear to look at you. A realization hit him about what he just told you. He just started talking about his feelings, and he had told you everything, something he didn’t think he would ever do.

Lando felt your soft hand on the side of his face, and he felt you now laying on top of him, hugging him. You buried your face in his neck. You were speechless. Lando had said he wasn’t good with words, but that was a complete lie.

He had confessed something to you that no one ever had. No one had ever told you that you were the reason they could feel like themselves. You didn’t really know how to feel about that.

Lando started to feel something wet hit the sides of his neck. His eyes shot open in realization. “Are you crying?” He asked you with so much concern in his voice.

Oh shit, you got caught. You tried to carefully keep your breathing steady as you slowly shook your head.

“Y/N, look at me please” He almost whispered.

You slowly lifted your head to look at him, and when your eyes met his, you could see the worry in them.

His hands cradled the sides of your face, and a thumb flew out to swipe away a falling tear.

“Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong” More worry found its way in Lando’s eyes.

“No” You softly shook your head as you whispered.

You lifted a hand to hold on to one of his. “No one has ever said something like that to me before” You let out a small breath before you continued.

“Thank you Lando” You sighed, a soft smile on your face.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Why are you thanking me?”

Your smile grew. “You just bared your soul to me, Lando.” “And you told me that I make you feel like yourself again.”

“Yeah, so if anything, I should thank you, for listening to me” His thumb swiped across your cheek again.

“Lando. You shouldn’t have to thank me for listening to you.” “I would never want to stop listening to you”

“Please never leave me” He said it like he was actually begging you. His eyebrows furrowed.

“I wouldn’t even dream about it” You leaned in to give him a soft kiss.

And when you pulled back to look at him. You started to recognize the look in his eyes, it was like he was looking at the world. The universe. And he found that in your eyes.

Who's crying? not me! (yes I am.)

Taglist;

@laneyspaulding19 @formula1mount @chonkybonky

#f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #formula 1 #f1 imagine #formula 1 x reader #lando norris #lando norris smut #lando norris x reader #lando norris x y/n #ln4 x reader #ln4 #lando norris x you #mclaren f1 #formula one

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yesimwriting · 5 months

Note

okay but after the whole lucy gray thing we know coryo was done with “love” and everything BUT what if during the following year of thg he ends up falling in love with another tribute also from district 12 and he’s just going through it bad (again) however he somehow ends up actually getting the girl in the end, maybe even buying her way into the capitol

A/n I've been thinking about a very specific part of this since i first read it but i told myself no more fic writing until i finished at least one of my essays for finals seasons 😭

also ik in the book (and it's implied in the movie) that after the events of the book he lives with the plinths, but let's pretend he lives on his own with access to the plinth fortune for privacy

ik that makes it sound like it's smutty, but it's not lol

----

Proximity aggravates distance. The closer you are to something, the more damage any remaining space causes.

The few feet dividing the two of you have no right to jab at something inside of him the way it does. It's bad enough that instead of going to bed after a long night of fulfilling his apprenticeship duties under Volumnia's watchful eye, he stopped by your apartment. Only one floor away from his.

For months, the only thing holding the two of you together had been memories of those few nights before the Games.

Coriolanus's attempt to remain indifferent towards you had quickly failed, and his backup plan of learning to loathe you had proven to be just as useless. So he settled on letting you unabashedly take his hand whenever fear overwhelmed you and committing the way your kind eyes watched him to memory.

You're looking around the room--his room--openly, eyes darting from the mahogany surface of his desk to the details elegantly carved into his bed frame.

His fingertips itch with the uncertain desire to reach for you. You've only been in the Capitol for about a day and a half. Less than 48 hours. But the move, the beginning of a program for certain, qualifying victors and their families, had been planned for months.

You shouldn't feel like a phantom that'll vanish if he lets go for too long. "What are you thinking about?"

The question grounds you the same way it did last time he asked. You do your best to hide it, but you're still adjusting, still surprised that he managed to find a way to bring you together again. Just like he promised. Your doubt isn't personal, a fact he has to remind himself of.

"I'm just..." You tilt your head slightly, gaze retreating from the royal blue wallpaper and silver trim of his bedroom walls, "Analyzing."

The comment is followed by an easygoing smile that pinches at something in his chest. His new apartment, the penthouse of one of the largest buildings in the city, another gift from the ever flowing well that is the Plinth fortune, still reeks of former poverty. The few things that hint at the personal are hidden behind layers of desperate wealth so thick the items might as well be standard.

A lifetime spent in 12 means that there's no way you can read between the lines. He can't decide if your perspective will make this room look worse or better. It's a nice bedroom, definitely grander than any bedroom you've stood in before...but it's understated. Maybe even disappointing to someone like you.

"Analyzing?"

You turn fully, "A bedroom says a lot about a person."

"You might get more out of analyzing my study," an oddly school boy worthy partial truth slips out before he can stop himself, "I think I've been spending more time there than here recently."

You shake your head once, eyes landing on the crimson red vase filed with crisp white roses his grandma'am had gifted him on his last visit. Her pride and joy now more than ever. "I'm seeing all I need."

A hint of a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. It's the most genuine expression that's slipped past him in weeks. When he first worked out a way to bring you here, some doubting part of him wondered if the draw he felt towards you would still exist in person.

Less than two weeks after your victorious departure from the Capitol, he had searched through your files and found your address. He had written the letter in a moment of weakness and only sent it after deciding that writing a letter to never be sent is the only thing more pathetic than writing to you in the first place. He had spent the week following that wallowing in self loathing until an age-stained envelope arrived at his door.

"And what are you seeing?" He keeps his tone light. This is ridiculous. He dragged himself and his family out of a gutter clogged by the casualties of war. Coriolanus is stronger than fleeting emotion now. Your opinions on his room can't possibly affect him.

If he were to simplify what brought you here, to the Capitol, to him, he could blame it on his bedroom. The urge to see you, to figure out some way the two of you closer together before your undeserving district could swallow you whole in an attempt to make you like them, would flare up whenever he received one of your letters.

Those urges, however, had never burned him. Not until you wrote about wanting to see him out of the most curious nostalgia you'd ever felt. You wanted to see him in a way that'd let you know what his room looked like, in a way that'd let you guess at his favorite color.

He takes a few steps forward, making the conscious decision to not reach for you. You've never rejected his advances, not even when he instinctually intertwined your fingers after picking you and your family up from the train station. You had scolded him after, telling him that you'd hear no end of it from your mother. It took a lot of focus for Coriolanus to not smile at that. You spoke of it like it would've never occurred to you to just pull your hand away.

Your eyes shift from end of the room to the other. Coriolanus moves carefully, passing you before sitting at the edge of his crisply made bed.

"Before you make your decision..." You turn instinctually, expression so polite and expecting he almost doesn't know how to bear it. His hand briefly pats the space beside him in a silent invitation. "So you can see it from all perspectives."

Your head tilts slightly, and for a moment, Coriolanus can practically feel your rejection. Then you move, sock clad feet treading over smooth white-gray marble. You sit next to him so assuredly, anyone else would have taken the way you neatly fold your hands in your lap as politeness instead of a display of nerves.

Your family's presence makes you less pliable. It's a factor he's willing to work around considering that you would've never left them to come to the Capitol. And even if he had managed to talk you into it, your nostalgia and homesickness would've made you more of a ghost to him than before.

At least the position your family's in is uncertain enough to allow for some leeway in the social norms that you cling to. However, every once in awhile it hits you that at the end of the day, he's still a boy that you're close to, which means that it's your duty to create the distance necessary to keep everything proper. Leaving your bedroom in the middle of the night because said boy knocked at your door and then entering his room in his empty penthouse is something you would've done under normal circumstances.

But your connection isn't that black and white. If it was something so simple, he would have been able to sever it the night before your Games.

"It makes all the difference," you agree warmly, and only somewhat sarcastically. You give yourself another second to take in the space, "I like it."

He can tell that you mean it. "I haven't fully settled in yet."

You shrug, paying him little mind, "There's something about it that just feels like you."

Coriolanus shifts his focus to the ground. You can't possibly mean it in the way that he sees the room, as a reminder that he still doesn't fully fit into who he's become.

"I've been meaning to pick up a few things," he says, "Tomorrow, after my classes, I was thinking about browsing some paintings." Another half truth. He had been meaning to. Mrs. Plinth had instructed him to visit her art dealer whenever he had enough free time to pick out a few pieces to demonstrate his taste. He'd been putting it off as a dismissable task, but it feels like a safe way to give you your first taste of life in the Capitol. "If you'd like to help me pick some out."

You smile, eyebrows pinching together in a way that's just barely noticeable. You're as interested as you are puzzled. "I'd like that." Relaxing enough to let your hand rest between the two of you, you beam, "I don't know if I'd be much help, but I'd like that."

He'd be willing to get anything that caught your eye. Paintings and vases already with such an exclusive art dealer hold more or less the same level of standing, anyway.

Coriolanus moves his hand slowly, careful not to startle you before his fingers can settle against your own. You instinctually turn over your palm, intertwining your fingers. "I trust you."

You stare at him with wide, understanding eyes. Sometimes when you look at him, really look at him, Coriolanus is struck with the feeling that you can see right through him. It's an irrational feeling, that every good action and cruel deed is reflected in his eyes. Moments like this make it hard to be near you. They also, however, make the thought of adding distance between the two of you unbearable.

"I have an early class."

You dip your chin forward in an attempt to accept what you're considering a dismissal. "Right, you must be tired." The words sit between you for a long moment.

Your free hand presses into the silk of your still new pajamas. You shift like you're going to stand. His hold on your hand tightens before you can move away. You still.

He's being ridiculous. There's nothing about this situation that warrants his inability to look at you. "Stay here." His thumb runs across your knuckles. "With me."

The words are soft enough to be a request, but there's not enough space between them for questioning. He cautiously lifts his head enough to take in your reaction.

"What?" It's a display of shock more than an actual question. Coriolanus squeezes your hand even tighter. You don't try to get him to let go, but you do shift away just enough to create the reminder of distance. "You know I can't."

His other hand reaches forward, settling against your wrist. "Why not?" He doesn't mean for his voice to come off as raspy, as desperate as it does.

You swallow, attempting to straighten your spine in an attempt to offset the instinctual urge to hide your face. This isn't a topic you're even comfortable implying. "My mother would kill me if she so much as found out that I came up here so late, let alone..." You trail off, head dropping to your lap. "Stayed here."

He envelops your hand between both of his. "She knows we're friendly."

You look up just long enough to imply a pointed not that friendly. "It's--" You blink, eyes darting from to your joint hands and then finally to the ground. "You know it's..."

Coriolanus leans forward. The shift is small, just enough for his knee to brush against yours. "It's what?" He keeps his voice low, a barely there whisper that comes off as so innocent it nearly circles back to anything but.

You glance up, so wide eyed and flighty he's reminded of a rabbit. The level of precaution you're exuding can't just be about your mother's opinions, can it? He studies your expression openly, taking in the set of your eyebrows and the way you steadily press your lips together to avoid speaking without thinking. At least some part of you believes in your mother's concerns.

The realization strike shim so quickly he has to focus on keeping his expression neutral. Your bond is so much more than just coming together on a random night where exhaustion's already clouding his focus.

It will happen between the two of you. Eventually. But not yet. You've barely entered the Capitol and every aspect of your life has become vastly different than what you're accustomed to. If he were to attempt to cement any relationship between the two of you like that now, you'd be too overwhelmed or you might think that that's the only reason he brought you here.

He learned early on that it's best to introduce adjustments to you slowly, giving you enough time to hold onto ideas before enacting them. Anything of that nature would work that way too.

"I haven't been able to see much of you." He focuses on your hand, still resting safely between both of his. The words came out too quickly, a flash of some genuine sort of emotion that claw at him on the way out. With you, sometimes a glimpse of feeling works wonders.

Your thumb draws gentle patterns against the side of his hand. "You're busy." He relaxes his hand, turning over his palm. You place his hand on your knee, fingers tracing the natural creases etched into his skin. "You're important."

The way that last word comes out makes an uncertain warmth crawl up his neck. "I--I've wanted to see you more." Another thing he means so much it turns his stomach to admit it.

Your nail drags down a line that cuts across the length of his hand. "Me too."

He bends his fingers slowly, moving in until he's trapped your pointer finger against his palm. "Then stay." You twist your finger enough to express some lighthearted irritation, but not enough to count as a real attempt at escaping. "If your mother says anything, I'll explain it to her." You glare at him without any true aggression. "She likes me, doesn't she?"

Coriolanus already knows the answer. She credits your survival to him. You had mentioned that in a letter once, telling him that she insisted you pass along her gratitude after discovering that the two of you had started to correspond regularly.

He also saw the way she reacted to realizing that she had made it to the Capitol. Your mother's family had once been part of the wealthier side of 12. You're part of a recently fallen line of mine owners, a fact that your mother has only pretended to let go of. He saw a hunger behind her eyes that reminded him of a warped version of his own.

Coriolanus gave her back the pride the war had stolen from her family name tenfold. He owes her this much.

"She'd trade me for you in a heartbeat." He hears the grin in your voice more than he sees it. Your family means the world to you, which means he's subjected himself to seeking your mother's validation and winning over your two younger sisters.

It's not the way he'd choose to spend his limited free time, especially with you standing right there, but he's endured worse for less of a pay off. "Then she'd be a fool."

You fight to hold his gaze. "I doubt that."

Your eyes are pools of honest, unfiltered affection. The care that you're watching him with makes it hard to swallow. The instinct to press, to dig and claw and tear anything that could be hiding an ulterior motive into shreds makes it hard to take a full breath. You've always worn your heart on your sleeve. You're not a flighty songbird that uses its charm to distract its prey from its fang-like talons.

"Stay." Again. So breathless he almost doesn't recognize the word as his own.

The deliberation is transparent behind your eyes. You're considering it, but you're still not convinced. The hesitation stings in a way he doesn't understand. "I don't want to give her a reason to not like you."

So softly spoken he's shocked by the way the words manage to feel like a nail being hammered into his chest.

"She's let you stay with other people before." The response is too sharp, too sudden. He should refocus and think through what he's about to say. Coriolanus knows that it's easier to get you to agree to something through the use of honey sweetened words and displays of patience. "You wrote about him."

The confusion that briefly etches its way into your expression threatens to quell the uncomfortable swell of jealousy tightening his chest. "Warren?" The name makes tints the air between you with something acidic. "That was--different."

Your explanation adds an edge to the pressure in his chest. "Why?"

"We weren't--" You cut yourself off, the instinct to placate him and your desire to not start a conversation you can't finish battling each other oddly. "We were never alone." You squeeze his hand as best as you can. "He's a family friend and I only stayed over when my mom had to work late and I was too young to be alone for so long, so I haven't stayed over in years. And--and he shared a room with three of his siblings and his parents checked on us constantly."

He frowns, unconvinced. The lack of approval has you clinging to him, adjusting your hold on his hand as you gently trail your knuckles against the inside of his wrist. "I do miss you." You stare at your hands. "I know it's weird because we're--y'know--closer than before, but I-I do miss you."

The expanding wave of tension in his chest begins to deflate. You're good at that, at redirecting and soothing without even realizing it. A talent that had contributed to his original desire to loathe you. "I understand that." He runs his thumb over your knuckles. "Things aren't going to get less busy. That's why I want to use all the time we have."

You nod slowly, a hint of understanding making its appearance in the set of your brow. "I know."

"What you wrote," he begins, too aware of how much he means the question that follows, "Did you mean it."

"Of course I did." Not an ounce of hesitation, of uncertainty.

He turns your hand over before shifting his fingers up the inside of your wrist. "You wrote about wanting to see me."

"I did..." The pad of his thumb gently makes its way up your forearm. Your even breathing falters. "I do."

Coriolanus lets himself look up just enough to take in your expression. "Then stay." He swallows, too aware of the sudden dryness of his mouth. "Please."

You glance up at him through your lashes. There's a softness there that jabs at him. "Okay."

He lifts the back of your hand, carefully brushing his lips against your skin. "You mentioned wanting to see a library."

You wrote about it once. A brief mention in one of your letters of the small room in your school's office that served as a sort of communal study space with a few books stacked on a small shelf. Your longing had been clear.

Nodding curiously, you agree, "Yeah?"

"I could leave for my classes a little earlier tomorrow, you could come with me." The proposal comes out slowly, his own suggestion taking him by surprise. "My driver could bring you back, that'll give you time to meet the tutor that's being sent over for your sisters, and then when I get back we'll look at the paintings."

You immediately grin, "Really?"

He finds himself smiling back, pulling your arm closer. "Whatever you want."

You beam. "I'd really like that."

"Good," he affirms with a nod of his head that's a touch too forward. He regrets it almost immediately. "If you like it, I might be able to get your own tutor to meet you at a library."

Part of the still uncertain victor program relies on setting up the victor and their family with a new life. Education plays a role in that. Placing any one of you in an actual Capitol run institution is far out of the question. For everyone's sake. Even if the thought of sharing a classroom with someone from 12 didn't horrify the Capitol parents, you and your siblings wouldn't be able to just jump in. It's not that he views you as unintelligent, but District 12's education system isn't exactly on par with the Capitol's.

"That sounds nice," you sit up a little straighter, excited by the prospect, "A part of me kind of misses school."

Another aspect of your personality that he had learned about after your Games. You like school for the sake of it. "I'll check on the arrangements tomorrow."

He clears his throat before you can do more than just nod, "It's getting late."

Coriolanus carefully sets your hand down on the comforter. You awkwardly shift, now more aware of what you agreed to than ever. "Right," you push yourself to stand, "You need your sleep."

He pulls back his sheets before you can think about it even further. You crawl into the provided space without looking at anything in particular. He's quick to join you beneath the safety of plush bedding before leaning over and turning off the bedside lamp.

Darkness floods the space. There's something about the absence of light that makes things feel heavier. The potential intimacy of the situation sneaks up on him with no warning.

This isn't a loss of control. It can't be. It was his idea, he had pushed and convinced you to stay here. He's aware of everything that's led up to this moment, but that's not enough to stop him from wondering if this is something than he should have known better than to embrace. He had accepted the familiar, fickle knotting of his stomach once before.

Steady warmth presses itself against his arm. He blinks, head turning a second too quickly. Your hand has found his. Coriolanus relaxes, allowing himself to fully relax against his pillow. You pick up on his shift, reflecting it by laying down as well.

For someone that had been so hesitant, you seem to know what to do better than he does. You pull his arm towards you, gently trailing your fingers against the exposed skin. Heat crawls up his neck.

"Goodnight," you mumble, voice already drowsy.

Coriolanus lets out a long breath. He grasps your hand, bringing it back to his lips before settling back into the position the two of you were in before. "Goodnight."

#the hunger games #coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus snow #the hunger games x reader #the ballad of songbirds and snakes x reader #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #coriolanus x reader

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peachylipglosss · 9 months

Text

my guide to wonyoungism, improve your life, glow up, be THAT girl:

🎀 have a routine: this is something I learned from being on therapy for so long. It is really important to have a routine because if not you can have bad sleeping, be tired all day, get bored easier, you won't be able to finish your responsabilities, it can bring you bad self esteem and in general is a complete mess.

🎀 work out: always do what's best for you and do what you feel comfortable doing but please! work! out! I'm such a lazy person and at some point it was really hard for me to have motivation to do anything, but once I put my mind into it, and force myself a bit and started with 10 mins of pilates everyday (since it was something easy to start with) my life and my self esteem improved a lot. Working out is another way to have schedules and a routine, also improves your self esteem by making you feel capable of doing stuff, and ofc is good for your body.

🎀 have a good skincare routine: first, do some research about your skin type and see what products can work better for you (you can also go to have a skincare treatment and ask the beautician or search on internet) but always do what's more comfortable and affordable for you, don't use stuff that influencers recommend bc you can alter you skin type based on the products you use too (as a beutician I know) Also don't DON'T do it everyday, some products can be used everyday like the cleanser but others not. As I said just do a good research. Besides skin stuff it's really interesting!!

🎀 improve your diet: with diet I don't mean to specifically have a diet, actually I'm a bit against them, since being strict about what we eat can cause stress and guiltiness, it's really important to have a balance, eating healthy at the end of the day means nothing if you don't enjoy it. And you can enjoy it by having fun creating new healthy recipes, doing a journal about your fav healthy recipes, buying new cookware (pink plates, pots, pans, etc) or eating a hamburguer, a chocolate cookie sometime

🎀 journal: this is something I do since 2014 lol it's without doubt one of the best things the human has created. It has helped me to improve my writing skills, to get to know me better, to vent about stuff idk how or whom to talk about, also make it fun! In my journal I vent and write about my feelings,fears, dreams, goals, etc but also write down my travels, concerts or fav kpop artists, decorate with stickers, a piece of confetti, even dried flowers!

🎀 hobbies: this is something I also learned recently on therapy, I mean we all had hobbies from time to time but do we know about the importance of having them? I spent this whole year doing nothing since I can't work or study, and without hobbies I can tell you life is too boring, and it can lead you to bad self esteem too I mean, I kinda got crazier for spending so much time alone with literally nothing to do. So find new and fun stuff to do just for the pleasure of doing it, you don't have to be the best at it. I bet you can find hobbies ideas on YouTube as well.

🎀 be more femenine: this is ofc an optional step but I think it can be important, since always either wonyoung or it girls usually look very femenine. Don't forget to make it a fun thing to do! Finding your aesthetic, maybe trying a new one, enjoy going shopping..you can be femenine with your clothing, with your skin care routine, with your jewlery...this is just about feeling beautiful and also powerful.

🎀 improve your behaviour towards other people: with this I mean basically being more open. To meet new people, to make new plans...also fixing your body gesture (at least mine is shit and It always end up hurting my back and shoulders)

🎀 affirmations: good affirmations are a thing, this I learned in therapy too. The way you talk to yourself is important and changing the mindset too. If you tell yourself "I won't be able" then for sure you won't. This is not an easy thing tho I know, but is a necessary thing. Forcing yourself to change your mind every time a negative thought pass by is a hardwork but is well payd, cause the price is your happiness. For this is VERY important to have some help and work things up in therapy. But to give you a little tip, surround yourself with good energy, put some pictures of good affirmations in your room, as background of your phone, even on a shirt!

🎀 enjoy and trust the process: as I kept saying in each step, making it something fun to do it would help you to don't feel it like an obligation cause it's not. It's ofc a responsability to improve your life so you don't fall in depressed behaviours for example, but by making it something fun, then you won't feel guilty if someday you don't feel like functioning and need a lazy day in bed. And by trusting the process, we keep motivated to keep going.

🌼hope this works for you, please let me know if so, have a great day and a great life! 🌼

#wonyoungism #glow up #glow up tips #that girl #it girl #hot summer girl #ive wonyoung #tips #trust the process #skin care

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weirdmorefics · 7 months

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Can we get a Bridgerton sister reader who is over looked most of the time only noticed when they see the reader has a close relationship with queen weather they see notice her absents or lady Whistledown writes about it your choice

The Forgotten Twin

Bridgerton sister reader

A/n- I hope you like it I am still unsure if I do LOL

Angst

Pronouns- She/her

Word Count- 989

Summary- The reader is Daphne's twin often overshadowed and forgotten until a shocking announcement by Lady Whistledown.

Y/n was used to being overshadowed by her twin, it's been like this since they were born. Daphne seemed to always be one step in front of Y/n. She crawled first, walked first, and talked first, Y/n was used to it now at age twenty-one. However, she had been dreading this age since she had learned about coming out into society. She knew from the instant she heard about it that Daphne would outshine her. Though Y/n had given up caring that Daphne did everything before her and that her mother favored her because Y/n excelled in something Daphne never did, and that was her intelligence. She was quick-witted and had a sharp tongue due to being compared to Daphne her whole life. Her mother, of course, did not see this as a good quality to have as it is not a preferred trait by suitors. This is the main reason she has been dreading this event she knew it would just be another thing about her that disappoints her mother.

Even though Y/n's Mother and her brothers did not find her qualities preferable her sister Eloise loved them. Eloise was Y/n's twin personality wise but in appearance and age she was destined to be Daphne's twin in turn she was always destined to be compared to her. Y/n was losing her confidant, Eloise to Lady Whistledown and she was feeling more alone than ever.

Y/n spent her days getting fitted for coming-out gowns, practicing piano, and reading in her spare time. All of these activities were solitary minus the seamstress and maids.

When the day finally came for the ball it was really not a shock to anyone that Daphne was declared the diamond of the season. Y/n tried to blend into the wall, balls and dancing never being her scene and that would not start now. That was until the next ball when Lady Whistledown made a report about this year's diamond severely lacking any suitors and being outshined by the Fetherington's cousin.

One of the Queen's servants came to retrieve Y/n for a meeting with her Highness during the second ball of the season. At first, she couldn't breathe she was encapsulated by her worry that she must have done something truly horrid to offend the Queen what other reason would she have with her.

Y/n followed the servants in silence, worried they could hear her heart beating loudly. She stood before the Queen and summoned her best curtsey she could manage.

The Queen lowered her Galilean binoculars and looked into Y/n's eyes, "You are an interesting young lady, Y/n."

Y/n considers this to be a dream because there is no way this could be a reality it seems like a fantasy book she would have read.

"Now you may lack the social skills of your dear sister, but there is something about you." A small mischievous smile appears on the Queen's face.

After this encounter, Y/n would spend many days sneaking into the Queen's quarters without her family's knowledge. She didn't like not telling her family about the Queen's plan and their frequent meetings but the Queen saw something no one else saw in Y/N, potential.

Dearest Reader,

It would seem that our diamond of the season had a diamond in the rough in their very own family waiting for their moment to shine. The great jewelers say it takes just the right amount of pressure to make a rock a diamond and we all know our dear Y/n Bridgerton has been under pressure her whole to live up to Daphne. The Queen has certainly taken notice of Y/n's diamond potential and has now been having secret weekly meetings with the eldest Bridgerton daughter.

Y/n was completely unaware of the new announcement by Lady Whistledown. She just so happened to be getting ready for one of these aforementioned meetings with the Queen. As Y/n was on her way out the door she heard several pairs of heavy footsteps down the large staircase in their home.

"Y/n Bridgerton!" Shouted her mother.

Y/n quickly whipped around to face her mother with fear as she knew those fiery eyes well.

"How could you do this to your sister," she shouts holding up today's crumpled Lady Whistledown.

Daphne looked disappointed standing next to their Mama, "Daph... I am sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out this way." Y/n frowns figuring out instantly Daphne knew about her betrayal from her eyes.

"What did you think would happen? That no one would ever notice you sneaking in and out of the Queen's quarter with her hundreds of servants," Daphne judged Y/n.

Eloise interrupted the argument, "How odd you don't even seem to notice Y/n's presence until she does something you disapprove of," Eloise glared which made Y/n smile she wasn't used to being stood up for.

Eloise puts a finger to her chin, "I also find it odd that Y/n is getting all the blame when Daphne wouldn't be suitorless if it wasn't for Anthony's constant meddling in her affairs."

Benedict and Colin held back their chuckles at Eloise's bluntness and Y/n smiled widely. It felt like they were seeing her even though the cause was bad her siblings were still being there for her.

Y/n ran up and hugged Eloise and she responded with a triumphant smile.

Daphne sighed, "I am sorry Y/n... the season has been rough on us all. Mother and I shouldn't have come down on you so hard. We should be there for each other, not always competing."

Y/n had to blink away tears, these are words she has always wanted to hear from Daphne. All she could respond was thank you and hope Daphne understood how much Y/n meant it.

#bridgerton x y/n #bridgerton fanfic #bridgerton imagine #bridgerton fanfiction #bridgerton reader insert #bridgerton siblings #bridgerton x sister reader #bridgerton x reader

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danikamariewrites · 2 months

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i’m obsessed with rhysriel x reader👀👀 could i request hc’s where we get an insight into rhys and az’s relationship? Are they in love too? Or are they just mated to reader? And if they are in love, then was it a lotta jealousy st first or did they get along/ when did they realize that they were also in love🤭 also do they have fun times without reader?👀 i imagine reader just coming home one time and they’re making out or something on the bed/sofa and they ask if she wanna join but she just wants to watch

The Other Half

Rhysriel x reader

A/n: you really made me think here anon. Writing the lil romance between Rhys and Az was so cute, I was kicking my feet giggling writing this lol.

@amara-moonlight I hope you enjoy this babes 💖

Warnings: jealous/possesive Az & Rhys, throuple, and fluff (as always)

When the bond snapped for all three of you the boys were so happy to be with you

Rhys and Azriel discovered the bond between them shortly after it snapped with you. To say they were shocked was an understatement

I think Azriel had always loved Rhys but had kept it buried because it felt like he wasn’t supposed to, where Rhys had a few male lovers when they were younger so this wasn’t entirely new for him

The new bond between Rhys and Azriel was hard for them to navigate at first

They’ve always had love for each other, they just never realized how deep the love they had for each other was

Azriel would have a hard time with this since he’s so used to keeping his feelings inside. You and Rhys were always there to comfort him though, letting him know it’s ok and to talk through what he’s thinking

With the mating bond the two males felt like they had a lot to work through

After knowing each other for centuries Az and Rhys felt like they needed to reconnect

You helped them a lot to be comfortable as mates

The two males ended up falling in love as they fell more in love with you

Watching them openly love each other melted your heart

Your mateship wasn’t always easy at first. It was a rocky few months after the frenzy

Az and Rhys would get jealous and possessive with you

It was hard to navigate spending one-on-one time together with Az and Rhys

While they wanted to spend time together they spent more time mad at each other , trying to steal you from one another

Mediating between your mates sucked

And you never understood where the animosity came from! They always got along but the bond made their relationship unstable

At one point Rhys and Az didn’t talk for a week because their jealousy was so bad

Az had just come home from a mission on the Continent and just wanted to hold you and sleep

Trudging into Rhys’s office to debrief him, Azriel was met with Rhys holding you tightly to his chest while you lounged on his lap. The sight should’ve made him happy but all Azriel felt was rage

He could’ve easily just asked Rhys if he could spend time with you now that he was home. Rhys did have you alone for days at a time after all. Instead Azriel projected his annoyance down the bond to Rhys

That night they got into their first real fight. Yelling and shoving each other. They didn’t stop until you stomped out of the room screaming, “ILLYRIAN BABIES! GOOD GODS!” Followed by the slamming of your own bedroom door

For almost a week the three of you slept in separate rooms

You didn’t want to hurt their feelings or make it seem like you were picking sides. The whole thing gave you anxiety and made you close off your side of the bond. You were especially stressed when the boys would talk to you one at a time and never in the same room

It wasn’t until you broke down crying, begging them to speak that they realized their emotions were hurting you

“I am begging you, for the sake of our relationship, to fix whatever your issues are! If you don’t I’m not sure I can do this for thousands of years because it is killing me!” Azriel and Rhys felt their hearts break at your words and tears

Azriel and Rhys embraced you, apologizing profusely promising they would work things out

After a weekend at the cottage in the mountains Azriel and Rhys came back calm and so in love you were overjoyed

Rhys showed you parts of the romantic bits of their time away. Making each other food, reading together, their long talks and sleeping in each other’s arms

He also showed you the more…explicit moments (it made you a little jealous but they made up for it when they came home)

The first time you went out leaving them home alone after they were in love was weird for them at first. The cabin was different. You went to run errands alone. One of them always goes with you

It was getting late and Rhys was getting worried. Before Rhys could tap at your mental shields he could smell dinner being made

Rhys followed the scent into the kitchen, finding Azriel standing at the island prepping food. He’s wearing an apron that is definitely yours with his sleeves rolled up. There’s a bottle of wine on the counter from Rhys’s personal collection along with 3 crystal glasses. Rhys smiles at the simplicity of the scene in front of him

He leans against the door frame, “What’s all this?” Rhys says teasingly. Az smirked as his shadows swarm him in a panic that tells Rhys he was too early. “It’s been awhile since we had a nice dinner so I thought I’d cook.”

Rhys makes his way over to Azriel, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, love.” Azriel’s cheeks flush at the term of endearment. Rhys picks up a knife and starts cutting up the potatoes

Coming home from your errands you hear their light conversation and laughter. Dumping your bags by the front door you tiptoe to the kitchen, hoping Az’s shadows are distracted. You find your boys messing around, kissing, and just being happy cooking together warms your heart

You love seeing them love each other never gets old

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monzabee · 1 year

Text

you'll change your name or change your mind - cl16

masterlist

Summary: The one where you find your way back home, even if the journey takes longer than you think.

Pairing: charles leclerc x fem!bianchi!reader

Word Count: 5.9k

Warnings: mentions of jules and his accident, ANGST, talks about college acceptances in the US but it’s not accurate because i’ve never applied for US schools, mentions of alcohol and underage drinking/clubbing (only in the US though), mentions of a fake id, mentions of cheating, fighting, charles being stupid and not realising it, talks about processing grief, GRIEF, survivor’s guilt, talks of therapy, friends to lovers y’all.

Request: “The Charles fanfic was so good!! Can you write more angsty but happy needing Charles? I think it’s be cute for a man who loves Monaco so much to got to wherever his girlfriend lives Ike London or nyc often and deal with that. Maybe she hates monaco lol” + “if your requests are still open, max or charles + “you have to promise you won’t fall in love with me.” thanks!”

Author’s Note: hi, hey, hello!! i decided to give into the whole angst thing and i can honestly say that i’m having a great time. i wanted to include Jules somehow in this one because i’ve been seeing some edits on tiktok and let me tell you proofreading was a bitch because i kept crying. also, my spotify kept bringing up lorde and hannah montana songs, so there you go. this was definitely a hard one to write and i know it’s messy, but all feedback is appreciated. thank you, anon, for the request, i hope you guys enjoy! good morning, noon or night wherever you are, xoxobee

Please also note that all of my works are protected under copyright, and not available for reposting on other platforms.

Monaco is full of memories. It’s filled with memories of your childhood, your parents picking up you and your siblings from school in Nice, and getting the train to Monaco for your brother to compete in karting races. It’s filled with laughter, and ice cream, and friends. It’s also filled with fears, loss and uncertainty, and you suppose that’s why you didn’t ever want to go back. But you find your back there every time, even if it is only for a couple of days at a time. Although it reminds you of the bad times, it’s hard to erase the good ones completely.

Charles is just one of the people Jules brought into your life. He was right there since your birth – apparently, the Leclercs were visiting your family in Nice when your mother suddenly went into labour. You will always be thankful to Pascale and Hervé for stopping Jules from choosing your middle name to be Michael Schumacher. Neither Charles, nor you will forget the type of shenanigans you got up to as little kids, there is only a year difference between the two of you after all. There’s that one time you stole Charles’ kart and tried to go down the road, in which he caught you but instead of ratting you out to Lorenzo and Jules, who were supposed to be looking after you by the way, he helped you get it down the stairs and passed you his helmet as he explained how to go about it. Neither of your brothers were impressed by your ability to go fast or Charles’ sudden interest in maybe becoming a race engineer if the whole driver thing doesn’t work out. There was also the time when the two of you, along with Arthur, snuck out from a family friend’s wedding to only get lost in a city in the South of France; Charles got so stressed that he forgot how to speak French and proceeded to ask how to get back to the venue in Italian for the rest of the night. Needless to say, the two of you are there for each other no matter what; you stayed together through heartbreaks, wins, losses, losing Jules and Hervé, funerals, weddings and much more. The majority of your time together is spent in your family’s house in Nice. Charles doesn’t mind the half-hour journey, an hour if he decides to go back but he hardly ever does. Sometimes, he manages to convince you come to Monte Carlo for the day by bribing you with promises of sunsets and ice cream, but he will always drive you back if you insist you want to go home without any complain.

The first time you bring up the topic of moving, you’re in your last year of high school; by that time, Charles is already racing in Formula One, so your time together is limited to breaks between the races. However he tries his hardest to be there for you, from talking you through breakdowns that occur after long study sessions, to looking up pre-med programmes for you to apply all over the world. You never wanted to live your entire life between Nice and Monte Carlo in the first place, so is he is more than happy to help you explore your options. Your application results arrive when he’s on break between the races, so the two of you sit on the small table in his Monaco apartment’s kitchen, the light from your laptop lighting up both of your faces as you open up the emails one by one. You’re most anxious about your application to Columbia, which is 3.462 miles away from Nice, and 3.993 from Monte Carlo. By the time you finish opening up all the emails, both of you are sitting there with a silence between you. The acceptance letter still open on your laptop is congratulating you for your offer to join Columbia’s pre-med program the following September.

“Yes,” He looks at you expectantly, “Accept it, Y/N, you shouldn’t be even thinking about it!”

“Yes?” You let out a nervous laugh. “It’s not that simple, Charles–”

“But it is!” He argues, a big smile on his face. You can tell he is proud of you by the look in his eyes and the way his emotions carry through his voice. “It’s your top choice of school!”

“It’s also in New York, it means that there will be an entire ocean between us!”

He shrugs. “So?”

“So?” Your eyes widen in surprise, you start staking your head a little without being aware that you are doing it. “Doesn’t that scare you?”

“Chérie,” Charles coos, pulling your chair by its leg to bring you closer to him and wrap a supportive arm around your body. His chest rumbles from his low laughter as he presses kisses to your hair. “We’ll be fine, look at everything we’ve been through, and we’re not even that old.”

You scoff, hitting his chest in an attempt to get away; you start furiously typing on your computer. “You are old,” you point to him with a tilt of your head, “I’m not, though.”

He rolls his eyes and turns his concentration to the tab still open on your computer, “You’re going to accept the offer, though, right?”

You end up accepting the offer. Charles and his family is there alongside yours to send you off on a plane to New York City. Both your mother and Charles’ have tears in their eyes as they say their goodbyes, with your father giving you a similar look. Being the youngest of four siblings, it must’ve been hard to send their youngest all the way across an ocean, but they let you know that you have their support in every step of the way. With Charles’ schedule for the remaining races scattered all over the world, he tells you not to force yourself and to enjoy your first months as a college student.

You surprise him in Austin, though. Arranging this surprise is definitely not the easiest, but you ask Lorenzo for his help and he is more than happy to make arrangements for you. It’s the end of Friday’s last practice session when you surprise him in the Alfa Romeo garage. He almost walks past you, to get rid of his helmet when you say his name, but once he realises it is you he quickly pulls in for a hug. “What are you doing here?” He asks you while laughing with glee.

“Heard there’s an immunology seminar in town about the effects of talking a shower and then going out without drying your hair.” You answer with all the seriousness you can muster.

“Really?” He asks in confusion, taking his helmet and balaclava off and trying to fix his sweat-soaked hair.

You hit the back of his head lightly, shaking your head in disbelief. “No! I came here to see you race, you idiot!”

He shakes head in understanding. “Oh, oh!” His eyes widen once again with recognition this time.

“Yes, oh, now come on, we’re going out.” You’re quick to add, “To dinner because airplane food sucks. We’re going out clubbing after the race, though.”

True to your word, you go clubbing after his race on Sunday, which Charles is not entertained by. He’s paranoid by the fact that you are in the club with them in the first place, which should not be happening because you’re underage. He keeps silent as you show the bouncer your id, which he knows is a fake, by the way; as he sends Lorenzo an incredulous look, his older brother’s reaction consisting off a shrug of the shoulders makes him more paranoid.

“Y/N, you should not be drinking.” He voices his concern, as you’re on your second drink of the night. “This is wrong.”

“How is this different than me drinking back at home?” You argue with your eyebrows raised. “You don’t tell me I can’t drink when we’re back home.”

“Because it is legal for you to do so there!” Charles exclaims, somehow gathering the attention of some of the clubbers nearby, but he offers them an apological smile and then turns back to you with his voice lowered. “You’re not twenty one, ergo – you shouldn’t be drinking.”

“Pfft,” You shrug him off, “You’re stupid, and I’m bored. You want to dance?”

You help Charles to move into his flat in Italy when he starts racing for Ferrari. Though he still lives in Monaco full-time, he rented a small place in Maranello to stay when he’s travelling. It’s an emotional event, which has both of you sitting on the floor of his new apartment going through boxes of old photographs. He finds one of his brothers and Jules with you, standing in front of a karting ring with big smiles in all of your faces. You fingers involuntarily trace over your brother, your eyes misting when you think about the day.

“He was so young,” You whisper, having to swallow a sob which threatens to escape.

Your eyes linger on the photograph for a while, and Charles quickly understands that you were not talking about the photograph as the tears you were trying to hold back find their way onto your cheeks. “He was.” He agrees; there aren’t enough words in the world to describe what losing a family member does to a person, and he understands you in a way most people cannot.

You offer him a sad smile through your tears. “He would be so proud of you.”

“He would be also so proud of you,” He whispers right back, leaning closer to you so that he could wipe away the few stray tears. “In fact, I am pretty sure he is.”

“Stop it.” You laugh softly through your tears as you push yourself to get off the floor, and dry under your eyes with your fingers as you look across the room. “Oh my god, Charles, we have so many boxes to go through.”

He gets up after you and looks around the dusty living room as he attempts to get rid of the dust on his clothes. “We do, don’t we?” He watches as you kneel in front of an unopened box and slice through the tape with a knife, and starting to go through the items in the box. He watches you go through the items silently for a while, noticing how seriously you take the task. His eyes linger on the frown on your face for a while, the way your eyebrows scrunch in question, or how you tuck a stubborn piece of hair, which escapes from the braid in your hair, to the back of your ear. He stalks closer, gently gripping one of your wrists and pulling you to your feet. “Dance with me.” He asks – which comes off less as an ask and more of a demand, which causes you to playfully roll your eyes at him.

“Charles, the boxes–” You try to argue.

His laugh is laced with mischief. “The boxes will still be there, chérie, just one dance won’t change anything.”

You try to come with arguments in your head but all your attempts are quickly thrown out the window when you realise just how green Charles’ eyes actually are. “We don’t have any music.” You try to offer as a measly argument.

Charles raises his eyebrows as he wraps his arms around your waist after making you wrap yours around his neck. “We don’t need any music, Y/N.”

So you give up in any attempts in stopping him, as he starts to slowly sway both of your bodies from side to side. You let out a chuckle when he stars, terribly, humming to an old song you used to hear on the radio. “This is stupid.” You mumble as you keep up your pace with his movements.

“You seem to keep calling me that.” Charles recalls, making both of you laugh in recognition. “I need to tell you something important.”

“So tell me,” you encourage him, motioning him to continue.

“I met someone.” He announces, a small smile playing on his lips.

You breath get stuck for a moment, in which you remind yourself that Charles is waiting for your reaction – most likely a supportive one at that. “Wow, Charles.” You breath out and give him a smile, which you successfully manage to pass off as a supportive one, hoping he doesn’t notice the way your voice breaks off in the end. “I’m so happy for you.”

You’re not stupid – thinking that either of you could stay single forever is an unrealistic one. But it hurts to imagine him with another person while he looks at you like that makes a part of you crumble up into a ball on your bed and cry. And that’s just what you do when you go back to the hotel that night (because the house is still unliveable when the two of you decide you’re done for the day). You try to keep your sobs as quiet as possible because you know Charles is in the hotel room next to yours. As you’re looking out the window, watching the night sky light up with stars in Maranello that night, you tell yourself you, somehow, need to move on from your best friend.

The next time you see Charles is during Christmas time. You have a tradition – Lorenzo, Charles, Jules and you, a tradition, which Arthur joined once he was old enough. It’s a peculiar one. While it’s not uncommon for most families to watch Christmas movies during this time of the year, your choice of movie has not Christmas elements in it at all. Every Christmas, the four of you watch The Sound of Music. It’s a silly tradition which was born out of boredom and lack of movies one Christmas, but it’s a tradition you managed carried out every year.

You can still remember Lorenzo complaining because “It’s three hours of songs about whiskers and bass clef.”

While Jules gives his best friend an unamused glare, both you and Charles try to mimic the Frenchman who you idolise. “It has nuns, songs, Nazis and familial love, Lorenzo, what more could you ask for?” He shrugs as he turns his attention back on screen, “Plus, Julie Andrews is hot.”

“Why would she be hot?” You remember asking, the woman on the screen not seeming uncomfortable by the weather.

“No reason,” Jules assures you, wrapping one of his arms around you.“Watch the movie, shortcake.”

And yes, while it might be stupid to watch the same movie, which has no Christmas value at all, every year on Christmas day, it’s a reminder that you have each other even if you’re not always together. So when you sit down to watch the movie that Christmas, there is a bad feeling in your stomach when you realise Charles is not there to watch it with you. If his brothers also find it weird that he’s not there they don’t make a comment, neither do you, for that matter. You try to push it to the back of your mind and enjoy the moment, telling yourself that even if this is a tradition between the four of you, it’s not the end of the world if you fail to do it. So you smile, and have fun throughout the day – when you’re watching the movie, or when you decide to hold a gingerbread house competition (Arthur wins, by the way), or when you sit down to have dinner with your families, and it makes you feel a thousand times better.

It’s late when he comes home that night, Lorenzo and Arthur have already passed out on the couch with you trying to read the anatomy textbook on your lap in the low light.

“Hi.” He greets you as he gives you a tight-lipped smile.

“Hi.” You whisper back, trying not to wake up the boy sleeping next to you. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, it was a good day.” He answers truthfully, and then motions the book resting on your knees. “Aren’t you going to go to sleep?”

“No, I think I’m going to stay here tonight.”

He doesn’t argue as he presses a kiss on your temple. “Okay, good night, chérie.”

One thing about Charles, is that he is very secretive about his relationships – to the point where he won’t introduce someone to you or his family if he doesn’t think the relationship is going somewhere. So, when he brings over Charlotte for lunch the next day, there is a buzz around the house. The lunch goes well, you think. Charlotte is sweet, and the two of you talk about many things including your universities; she’s very impressed that you want to go into the medical field and you tell her that architecture must be a pain in the ass to study and she agrees with a loud laugh.

When Pascale asks them what they did for Christmas yesterday, Charlotte leans against Charles’ arm as she answers, “Oh, nothing. We just stayed home and watched that old movie – what was it again?”

“The Sound of Music.” Charles answers, his eyes are focused on his hands, and you know this, because your eyes don’t heave his frame until Arthur forces you to carry the dishes into the kitchen.

“We’ll do them, maman,” he announces when Pascale attempts to tidy up the dishes, “Y/N will help me, won’t you?”

“Yeah, sure.” You nod, the voice coming off from you not matching the sunny disposition you present to the rest of the room.

You carry the dishes Arthur passes to you to the kitchen, holding your breath in an attempt to keep the tears at bay, and you succeed, too. At least until Arthur comes after you, carrying more dishes and places them next to the other ones near the kitchen sink. You start scrubbing them with intensity, your sniffles and the sound from water whooshing around in the sink filling the room. Arthur pulls you against him as you lean your forehead to his shoulder, or where you can on his arm due to your height-difference, as you start quietly sobbing. Arthur turns the tap on as he lets you cry into his shoulder.

The two of you return to the dining room after the dishes are done, and continue the conversation as if nothing happened. After Charlotte announces that she should be on her way, you walk her to the door with everyone, the two of you exchanging numbers as she makes you promise to go shopping with her the next time you’re in Monaco. You agree with a chuckle and tell her only if she teaches you how to draw because your “Anatomy notes are seriously suffering.” After she gives Charles a kiss and leaves, Charles turns to you.

“It’s just a movie.” He says in a low voice.

“You’re allowed to have fun with your girlfriend, Charles.” You assure him and pat his shoulder for good measure. Then, you turn to Arthur, who is watching the exchange with a confused look on his face. “Want to play a round before I leave?”

“Sure,” he agrees and the two of you move into the living room to play a round of F1 on the PlayStation. He sets it up for you as you try to get comfortable on the couch, trying to get rid of the feeling of unease as Charles watches you from the other side of the couch. “Who do you want to pick?” Arthur asks you, the cursor hovering over his choice – who is of course his brother.

You stay quiet for a moment and answer him in a calm voice, “Give me Max.”

Charles scoffs from the other side and pushes himself off, his arms crossed over his chest. “Rich, Y/N, just rich.”

“What?” you ask him with faux innocence and a shrug of your shoulders.

His voice is accusatory when he snaps, “Stop being childish for a moment.”

“Oh, I’m being childish?” You ask him, getting off the couch as well.

“Yes, you’re being extremely childish right now.” He agrees, nodding his head. “Glad we at least agree on that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask again while narrowing your eyes.

He scoffs, “It’s just a stupid movie.”

“I didn’t say a fucking word about the movie, Charles.” You point out, mimicking his pose as you cross your arms over your chest. In reality, it’s a short attempt at trying to hide your shaking hands. “But it’s not a stupid movie, it’s tradition.”

“Traditions can be broken from time to time.” He argues.

“I didn’t say they couldn’t.” You shrug, trying to appear indifferent to the man in front of you.

“Maybe if you tried to stick around for more than three days at a time, you wouldn’t be so upset about these type of things.”

Your mouth hangs open in shock. “Excuse me?”

“Charles, maybe you should–” Arthur tries to stop his brother, but Charles waves him off.

“Sometimes I think ‘Did I do something?’, but then I realise that maybe the problem is not me–”

Though you’re shocked by his words, you find yourself assuring him, “It’s not, it has nothing to do with you.”

Both you and Arthur can see something snaps in him, causing him to raise his voice. “Then what is it? Tell me so I can fix it and you can stop running away!”

You shake your head, your arms which are wrapped around you becoming tighter as an attempt to provide yourself some sort of protection. “You can’t fix it, Charles.”

His arms become undone as his fists ball on either side of his body. “You don’t know that–”

“No you can’t!” You scream, somehow more tears flowing from your eyes. “You can’t bring Jules back because he’s dead, and you can’t fix me because I’m not a toy! You think I want to live this way? You think I want to go back every damn time I set foot in this city because I just hate it here? I can’t bear the thought of staying here because of the fact that my brother died while I was here and I didn’t get to say goodbye to him.” You point a finger towards him, your voice gradually becoming louder to match his. “He was dead by the time I got back to the hospital and they told me he couldn’t hold on any longer, how do you think that makes me feel every time I feel like I’ve overstayed in this city, huh?”

“You need to stop living in the past, Y/N.” He shakes his head. “Don’t you see you’re letting the past hold you back?”

“‘Letting the past hold me back’ do you even hear yourself right now? I am trying my best to move on!”

“By moving across the ocean?” He asks you, “By leaving the people you love you behind?”

“You– you can do this!” You scream as you walk towards him and jab your finger against his chest. “You told me to take the offer, you told me to move away because you were so sure we’d be fine.”

“Well maybe I was wrong.” He whispers, grabbing both of your wrists to stop you from poking him and curling his arms closer to his chest.

Your eyes widen with a furious look in them, which makes him realise he sees more of Jules in them than before. “Screw you, Charles.” You struggle against his hold, hitting his chest with your fists with every word as you scream, “Screw you for trying to dictate how I process my grief, and screw you for acting so indifferent.” You win your struggle in the end, taking advantage of the fact that he is both distracted and speechless to get out of his hold and quickly grab your things.

“Where are you going?” He asks you as you’re putting your coat on.

“Anywhere but here.” You snap at him, refusing to meet his eyes.

Arthur quickly comes near you with a concerned look, “You shouldn’t be driving right now, at least let me drive you.”

You give him the warmest smile you can muster up, “I’ll be fine, ThurThur,” your eyes find Charles’ as you continue, “Don’t ever change, okay?”

After the disastrous Christmas last year, you two didn’t talk for a whole year, even though the people around you tried their hardest to bring you to talk to each other. Even Charlotte tried to trick you into spending time, claiming that she had a work emergency just as you arrived at the lunch you two scheduled to find Charles sitting there – you quickly left without being seen and spent the day walking through the marina because “Fuck Charles if he thinks you can’t spend more than three days in Monte Carlo.” He spends Christmas with Charlotte again, but unlike this year, you don’t feel sad about his absence, choosing to call it growth when reality it’s actually packing it away to deal with it another time.

The two of you eventually do make up, though, when you go to one of Arthur’s races to support him and run into Charles on the track. You talk between breaks, both of you succumbing and apologising to each other for the things you’ve said – him more than you, but you still apologise for the way you’ve acted afterwards. Arthur has a strange smile on his face when he finds you, releasing a relieved breath when you told him that you’re fine and you’re going to take baby steps.

“Good,” he smiles, “maman was about to lock you onto Charles’ yacht.”

Your therapist calls is ‘survivor’s guilt’. Yes, you have one of those now because although you want it to be false, you think a part of what Charles said might be right. She explains to you that it’s a natural response where someone has suffered a loss and you didn’t. This confuses you, though, because even if the loss in question is the death of your brother, you weren’t there to experience it with the rest of your family. Dr. Gambini is there to explain that “Although it implies experience, it doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t not feel the loss of something you didn’t get to suffer.” So, you go through the therapy experience to try to understand your own feelings, which makes you think maybe it is what you should be focusing on in the first place. It’s an overwhelming feeling, understanding things about yourself which you didn’t before – the things you used to feel slowly gain meaning as you go about it. You’re proud of yourself when you talk about it to your parents, and they tell you that they are proud of you for giving it a go. Charles joins you in one of your sessions – it’s Charlotte’s idea, actually. He tries to understand why, and how he can help you – he leaves the session feeling proud of you for taking care of yourself.

A few months later, you get a phone call from him when you’re in the middle of the week when you are studying, while all of your friends are away for spring break. His voice is thick with tears as he tells you that it’s over between him and Charlotte, but refuses to give you a reason when you ask why. It leaves you confused in New York, but when he asks you if you can come home for the weekend, you don’t hesitate to book a ticket for the next flight out. He’s shocked to find you standing in front of his door, but pulls you in for a hug anyway. Neither of you care about the duffel bag that hits the floor at your feet, even when you’re stumbling over it to get to him. You don’t talk, but hold each other throughout the night. He offers to cook for you, but you decide that ordering pizza is a better solution than trying to each what Charles attempts to cook. So, you end up deciding on pizza and a movie.

You look at him confused when you realise which movie he’s selected, “It’s not Christmas, Charles.”

He sits down on the couch, and pulls you under his arm as he reaches for the pizza box sitting on the coffee table. There’s a nostalgic smile on his face which you cannot understand. “I owe you two screenings of this movie, Y/N. Now eat your pizza and watch it.”

So, the two of you watch the movie in silence – with silently laughing in relevant scenes and Charles even attempting to sing the Lonely Goatherd, which leaves you in tears because of how much you’re laughing. At the end of the night he walks you to the guest room in his apartment and pulls you for one last hug, whispering, “Thank you for coming,” into your hair.

“Of course, Charles.” You whisper, turning your head and softly pressing a kiss to his shirt-covered chest. “Try to get some sleep, okay? I’ll see you in the morning.

He’s in the kitchen when you wake up in the morning, focusing so intently on something on his phone to notice you. You ruffle his hair as you make your way through the kitchen to make some breakfast for the two of you. “Good morning to you too, you grump.” You tell him, when you finish getting out the ingredients for the breakfast you have in mind.

“Morning, chérie.” He answers, in a non-committal voice.

“And to think I was going to make you pancakes.” You sigh as you halt the movement of your hands and lean against the counter.

A playful smile is on your lips when Charles excitedly raises his head. “Pancakes?” He asks in a soft voice.

“I was going to add chocolate chips, too, but you didn’t say good morning to me and now I don’t think I’m in mood to be honest with you.” You shrug, starting to put away the bowls you took out.

He quickly comes behind the counter to tickle some sense in you, and you use the bowl in your hands as a shield as you start laughing. He gives up after a while, pressing a kiss to your temple and fixing some of your hair which fell out of place during the ‘fighting’. “Good morning, how can I help you?”

“Wow, you actually want to help me cook for a change?” You coo, ruffling his hair again and hitting his hip with yours to get him out of your way. “Go wait on the other side, you grumpy baby.” He complies to your directions to sit on the other side of the island, but doesn’t bother with his phone this time. You make a motion towards his phone on the island with your head as you crack the eggs into the bowl. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, just some problem with the car.” He answers. “I might need to go to Maranello for a day or two. When is your flight back to New York?”

“Oh– I can change it if you know the date–” You start to say, but he quickly cuts you off.

“What? No, I don’t want you to go back.” He quickly says, shaking his head. “I just thought you might want to come with me rather than stay here.”

“Oh,” You say, looking around. “It’s not a problem, I can stay and study.”

There is a confused look on his face. “Stay? Here?” He asks over and over again. “Here? Stay? Alone?”

“Yes, Charles, I can manage to stay by myself.” You sigh. “I did it last summer for a month, you can trust me, alright?”

“You were in Monte Carlo for a month, last summer? How did I not catch you at all?”

You let out another sigh, “In case you don’t realise, I’m very good at avoiding you.” You continue when he gives you yet another confused look as you start mixing the batter. “Charlotte told me to meet her at a restaurant but it was a set up for me to meet with you, so I got in the car and drove away. It was probably the closest we got to each other.”

“Wow.” He looks at you with wide eyes. “Just, wow.”

You roll your eyes and glare at him. “Stop looking at me like that. My classes are all online this semester and Dr. Gambini thinks it’s good for me to spend more time here; it’s supposed to help me get closure, or something.”

He gives you a big smile. “I’m proud of you, Y/N.”

“Yeah?” You ask him, his smile quickly mirroring on your own lips.

“Yeah.” He breathes out. “And you can stay here all you want! And cook me breakfast, you know.”

You let out a laugh this time. “I can get my own place, Charles.”

“But then who will cook me breakfast?” He asks with a small pout.

“You are a child, Perceval.” You laugh at the way he looks at you, with his elbows bent over the counter and his upper body leaning over the stove. “I’m only cooking you breakfast; you have to promise you won’t fall in love with me after this.” You joke.

You turn around to look in the cupboard for the chocolate chips as you hear him mumble, “Too late.”

You almost hit your head at the open cupboard door when you turn right back to look at him. “What?” You walk towards the island as you mumble out, “No, no, no, no, don’t say that. You just broke up with your girlfriend, Charles.”

“We broke up almost five months ago.” He announces, no hint of joking in his voice. “Right before the Abu Dhabi race.”

“That’s not true.” You say, shaking your head. “I spoke to Charlotte; she told me everything was fine.”

He shrugs, then offers you an explanation. “We announced it a couple of months later, but we’ve been broken up for a while.”

“But then why did you call me a couple of days ago to tell me it was over?” You ask him, visibly confused.

He looks guilty as he admits. “I– I don’t have a good answer for that.” He stalks over to the other side of the island again to trap you between himself and the marble in an attempt to prevent you from evading. “All I can say is that I love you.”

“Oh, wow.” You say, suddenly you can find the right choice for words. “Say that again for me?”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“Now in French?”

“Je t'aime.”

“In Italian?”

“Ti amo.” He laughs this time, leaning down towards you to bring his face towards yours. “You done?” You nod your head with a giggle escaping past your lips. “This would be a perfect time to say something, you know.”

“Oh, right.” You nod in acknowledgement. “Thank you.”

“What?” He asks in horror.

“Yeah, thank you. You know, for the–”

“Chérie!” He exclaims with his eyes wide.

You continue your giggles as you place your hands on his cheeks and pull his face towards you, resting his forehead on yours. “I love you too, chez moi,” my home/place. The pancakes are long-forgotten when you pres your lips on his to give him a kiss, somewhere in the universe your twelve year-old is high-fiving with herself, but you are happy to be finally home.

#monzabee #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 smut #formula 1 #fanfic #f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 x y/n #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #imagine #fluff #angst #smut #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc angst

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darlingvernon · 1 year

Text

always been you [M] | yoon jeonghan.

Author: darlingvernon

Pairing: yoon jeonghan x fem reader

Genre: royalty au, arranged marriage au, smut

Rating: 18+

Warnings: explicit sexual content, unprotected sex

Word Count: 10,521

Summary: you promised yourself that you wouldn’t fall in love but jeonghan just had to go ahead and ruin everything

Author’s Note: this is my piece for the @svthub collab: Pink Eros. i’d written it differently to the way i usually write due to the concept and i'm sorry it's so long lol. please make sure you check out the other works in the collab and support my fellow writers as well! please let me know your thoughts and i hope you guys enjoy!

You were six years old when the Duke, your father, told you that you were engaged to the Crown Prince.

Back then, you had no idea what it all meant. But, being the obedient daughter that you were, the words ‘Yes, Father’ came out of your own mouth with no hesitation. That was when your whole life changed.

Almost immediately, your etiquette, history and dancing lessons increased, especially when compared to your older brother Joshua who was also taking advanced lessons as heir to the Kidrey Duchy. On top of that, you also had to learn various other subjects that would shape you to be the Crown Princess and future Empress, the Empire required.

Gone were the days when you sat back and enjoyed being a regular noble six year old and you didn’t even have the time to say goodbye.

A year later, you met Jeonghan.

On your seventh birthday, you and the Duke went on a week-long journey to Lombardi, the Capital of the Attacca Empire. As soon as you arrived, your presence was summoned by the Emperor, who had wished to greet his future daughter-in-law himself.

Your eyes were glued to the floor as you stood beside your father in front of the Emperor. To others, it would’ve seemed that you were greatly intimidated by the presence of His Majesty, which was true to some degree, since you were busy trying to remember whether you should bow, curtsey or do a mixture of both.

However, to the boy who sat next to His Majesty, it appeared that you were far more interested in the tiles that adorned the Great Hall than him. Speaking from experience, the other girls usually stared at him and giggled to themselves, mumbling about how good looking he was. The fact that you were acting differently had his curiosity piqued.

“Lady _____, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” His Majesty greeted and you managed to finally look up at him, thanks to your father’s reassuring hand that was on your back. “Blessings to you on your birthday. As a gift, I’d like to present my son, Crown Prince Jeonghan, who’ll be your playmate and fiancé.”

You finally noticed the boy who was sitting next to the Emperor when he stood. Despite being the same age as you, he was much taller. His jet black hair made his porcelain skin stand out and his clothing made his build deceivingly lean.

When your eyes met, there were no sparks, no butterflies fluttering in your belly like in the novels your nanny used to read to you. Though there was fire in his eyes as he continued to stare, you continued to feel nothing.

That same day, you decided that you would never fall in love with Jeonghan.

Since the Kidrey Duchy was a fair distance away from Lombardi, it was decided by His Majesty that Jeonghan would spend every summer at the Duchy, so that you were both able to fulfill your duties as playmates. Every summer, the only times you ever saw each other were during his arrival and during meal times. Even then, words were barely exchanged between you. Jeonghan spent most of his stay studying and sparring with Joshua and if people didn’t know any better, they would have thought that your brother was His Highness’ playmate instead.

Summer after summer passed by with no incidents and no changes to your relationship, until you turned fifteen and were making preparations to debut into high society.

It was your typical afternoon, nose buried in a book in the library when Tia, your personal maid, came and informed you that Jeonghan had invited you for some tea in the garden. With no good excuse to turn him down, you made your way to join him.

As you walked, you wondered what possessed the Crown Prince to invite you to tea but came to no conclusion. You thought the whole thing was rather strange, especially when he dismissed the guards and maids as soon as they poured your tea.

“Thank you for joining me, _____,” Jeonghan spoke first and the lack of formality took you by surprise, delaying your answer.

“Thank you for inviting me, Your Highness,” you replied after composing yourself.

Jeonghan grimaced, “Please just call me Jeonghan.”

“Your Highness, I could never—”

“At least, while we’re in private. Please,” Jeonghan requested, firmly.

You sat back and took the time to consider his request. Based on the look of determination on his face, it didn’t seem like he would have changed his mind. “I can do that,” you acquiesced, and decided to drop the formality altogether. “So, Jeonghan. Is there a reason we’re having tea at the moment? We haven’t really spoken to each other at all, ever.”

To his credit, Jeonghan didn’t bat an eye. “Father has requested that I escort you to the debutante ball,” he revealed.

With a sigh, you reached for your cup and brought it to your lips. After taking a sip, you realised it was chamomile tea, your favourite. Was this pure coincidence or did he happen to know?

“Of course, he did,” you replied eventually. “I suppose that I don’t have a choice in the matter?”

“I’m afraid not,” Jeonghan answered and you didn’t miss the way his jaw tensed. “Did you have somebody else in mind?”

“Only my brother,” you shrugged. “I didn’t want any unwanted attention or any targets on my back, which is now no longer the case. I didn’t think His Majesty wanted our engagement to be known yet?”

Jeonghan grabbed his fork and stabbed the opera cake in front of him, taking a small piece to taste. “That would be correct,” he confirmed. “The gesture won’t be revealing our engagement or placing a target on your back. You are the only daughter from the Heads of the Founding Families, it’s only right that I escort you.”

You couldn’t argue with that fact. It wasn’t unheard of from any Empire for the Crown Prince to escort a daughter from a Ducal Family. As you thought about the debutante ball, another problem reared its ugly head. “Jeonghan, you leave tomorrow,” you pointed out.

“I do.”

“How long have you known that you were going to be my partner?”

From the look on Jeonghan’s face, he expected this. “Before I left Lombardi,” he answered nonchalantly.

To say you were irritated was an understatement, but due to the fact that you were in front of the Crown Prince, you had no choice but to keep your composure. “But, you only told me today?” You laughed, humourlessly. “For what purpose—”

“I just felt like it.” Jeonghan shrugged and a smirk plastered itself on his beautifully annoying face.

Would you have been hung for treason for socking him right in the mouth even though he was your future husband?

Jeonghan could have sat there and watched you grow indignant all day. It far was better than the usual emotionless face you showed him every day. He knew you would make him pay for it later but he didn’t know how else to approach the fact that neither of you had spoken properly in all those years you had known each other and it was starting to frustrate him.

Negative thoughts and insecurities festered in his head since the day you met and nothing had satisfied his growing curiosity. He was running out of options and he wanted to at least try and get to know you before your impending nuptials. Resigned to the fact that he had to marry somebody who wasn’t of his own choosing, he’d be damned if he had to marry somebody who was a complete stranger to him.

It was impossible to run the Empire efficiently in that sense, let alone growing old together and spending the rest of your lives together.

“I didn’t mean to displease you,” Jeonghan said, and it finally got you out of your head. “Forgive me, I was only trying to knock down two birds with one stone.”

The revelation surprised you once more and you weren’t sure how many more you could have taken that day. “What was the other issue that you were concerned about?” you queried.

Jeonghan leant forward and placed both arms on the table. “We don’t converse with each other much” —he raised a brow when you were about to question him— “or at all for that matter and that is a problem. For our future and for the Empire.”

Whatever retort you had in mind came up short and you gestured for him to continue.

“We can correspond through letters,” he explained. “You can write to me once you’ve chosen your dress so that I can make sure that we match and after that, you can write about whatever you want. I don’t care if you write about every mundane thing you do. You can even write to me all the swear words and curses currently circling in your head.”

The giggle was out of your lips before you could stop it and in return, you received the view of Jeonghan’s bright smile. “I hope you won’t regret that,” you conceded. He brought up great issues to be considered and admittedly, these concerns were not new to you as they plagued you as well. “However, what are we going to do about the first dance?”

“That’s not a problem,” Jeonghan assured you. “I’ve seen you dance after all.”

“I beg your pardon—”

“Besides” —he interrupted and hoped that you’d forget about his slip— “I’m a Prince. I’ll be able to lead perfectly even if you have two left feet.”

“I do not—”

Jeonghan’s laugh echoed in the gardens and it finally dawned on you that he was just teasing. You forgave him only because he allowed you to stomp on his foot once during the dance.

And that was how your friendship blossomed.

You were eighteen when you broke your promise.

It was rather unusual for Jeonghan to be at the Kidrey Duchy during autumn and more so with such a sombre expression on his face as he stood next to you, especially after the way you both grew increasingly close to each other. But, it didn’t compare to how you looked and felt beside him.

It had only been a week since he heard the news of the Duke and Duchess’ passing and he had arrived as soon as possible. So, your hollowed eyes and sunken cheeks were a devastating shock to him. Even your brother fell to his knees and shed tears next to you as they lowered the caskets into the graves but you continued to remain stoic, showing your strength which allowed your brother a moment of weakness.

Jeonghan almost believed that you were coping rather well, but his fears were soon realised when he saw how your hand trembled as you picked up the shovel, dirt spilling from the way you shook and barely made it to the grave. As he waited for you to stand next to him once more, he tried to think of a way that he could have eased your pain.

Once Joshua gathered himself, Jeonghan took his chance and offered you his hand. A look of confusion flashed on your face and when you turned to look at your brother, he nodded in consent. Jeonghan pleaded with you until you finally took his hand and allowed him to lead you away.

You weren’t sure where he was taking you but it seemed to be the left annex of the manor where he usually stayed during his visits. Without question, you followed him until he led you into the drawing room and pulled you in with him.

“Seungcheol and Mingyu, stay out here and stand at least ten metres from this door,” Jeonghan instructed. “You do not hear whatever sound will come from this room. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Your Highness.” The guards bowed and obeyed his directions.

Jeonghan then led you into the centre of the room and you searched his face for an explanation. He took your hands into his, rubbed his thumb across your skin in a soothing manner and said, “I can’t even begin to understand the pain that you’re going through, but it’s just you and me in this room. It’s just you and me in this building. So, go ahead and release the grief that you’re keeping at bay. No one here will think of you as weak. Cry. Scream. Hit me if it helps. Just… don’t keep it inside you like this.”

At a loss for words, all you did was gaze at your joined hands.

“If it helps, I won’t even look at you,” he implored and closed his eyes. “I can even turn around,” he declared and did as he said. When he still couldn’t feel any movement from you, he grew even more desperate. “Look, I’ll leave. I’ll stand with the guards and let you be if you don’t want to appear weak in front of me. I’ll be on my way.”

Jeonghan barely took a step before you grabbed his wrist with both of your hands like your life depended on it. “Don’t you dare look at me,” you begged, voice filled with agony as tears spilled from the corner of your eyes. There was no stopping now that your grief had breached the surface and you hung tighter onto him as your legs gave way.

“It’s a promise,” he assured you, clutching your hands with his free hand.

“Don’t even bother trying to hear me!” you cried hysterically. Jeonghan repeatedly reassured you as your screams echoed through the room.

He didn’t know how much time had passed but eventually you finally stopped crying. When he turned to face you, his heart broke to see you filled with so much anguish. Jeonghan swore then that he would never allow anything to hurt you like this ever again.

“Jeonghan, I’m tired,” you croaked out. “I want to retire to my room, but I can’t seem to move.”

“Forgive me,” he bowed and gathered you into his arms. “I will take you back.”

“I don’t want anyone to see,” you whined like a child, but that was the least of your worries. You didn’t want to appear weak, especially in front of your brother who needed you the most.

“I understand,” Jeonghan nodded and called for his guards. He instructed them to clear the path and asked them to make sure that your brother would be otherwise preoccupied. “I have handled it. All you need to do is close your eyes and hold on to me.”

Far too tired to argue or come up with a retort, you permitted him to accompany you back to your quarters and thanked him for his efforts.

As the days passed, Jeonghan continued to look after you and in no time at all, the air between you had changed once more. Certainly on your end. Conversations flowed freely, even in person and the fluttering butterflies and sparks that had been lacking previously, suddenly appeared.

It was then that you realised that you had fallen in love with Jeonghan.

At first, you tried to deny it. There was no way your feelings had changed so suddenly. But, had it really been that sudden? It was a fact that you started to see him differently once you started to exchange letters, finding him far more interesting after you took the time to get to know him, and since actions spoke louder than words, it should have been no surprise that he eventually carved his presence into your heart.

After you became aware of your feelings, there was no escaping Jeonghan. His presence plagued you day and night, especially since he decided to stay another month to help prepare for Joshua’s succession to the Dukedom. It was starting to drive you mad, keeping your feelings to yourself, so you made the decision to let Jeonghan know how you felt about him.

That was, until you found out how he felt about you first.

It was the day before Joshua’s succession ceremony and you were on your way to see your brother in his office when you overheard their conversation from outside the door.

“I see you and _____ have become rather close lately,” Joshua stated, a teasing tone to his voice.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Jeonghan laughed a little.

“Have you grown fond of her?” your brother asked and you knew what he meant by his question. With bated breath and heart beating hard in your chest, you leaned closer to the door to hear Jeonghan’s answer.

“You know that I am bound to her by duty,” Jeonghan sighed and continued to speak some more but you could no longer hear what else he was saying. All you heard and felt was your heart shattering into pieces and you couldn’t stand to be there anymore, running all the way back to your room as tears streamed down your face.

You were such a fool for falling in love with him when it wasn’t love that intertwined him with you. Once you were all cried out, you cast your love for him out of your heart and left it hollow as you pieced its parts back together.

That day, you swore that Jeonghan would never be in your heart ever again.

Jeonghan is no fool.

As Crown Prince, he’s knowledgeable when it comes to all important matters concerning the Empire. But, when it concerns the matters of the heart, it seems that he still has a lot to learn.

This is blatantly obvious when it concerns you.

Jeonghan knows that something has changed in his relationship with you, especially if your one sentence replies to his letters are anything to go by. He could write anything between a page to ten pages long about various subjects, but your reply is always the same.

Everything is going well, Crown Prince Jeonghan.

Based on that sentence alone, Jeonghan comes to two conclusions:

You are a terrible liar

Something is definitely amiss

He sits back on his desk, mountains of paperwork long forgotten as he rubs his temple in frustration. The dread and worry within him continues to grow, not just because of the impending engagement announcement scheduled in a couple of days but more so because of his feelings for you.

Sighing, Jeonghan tries to recall when your attitude and behaviour towards him began to change, deducing that it was the day before your brother Joshua inherited the Dukedom and after the conversation Jeonghan had with him.

“I see you and _____ have become rather close lately,” Joshua stated, a teasing tone to his voice.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Jeonghan laughed a little.

“Have you grown fond of her?” Joshua asked, seriously this time.

“You know that I am bound to her by duty,” Jeonghan sighed.

“And is it still just duty that binds you to her?”

“You’re insufferable and I would’ve hung you if you weren’t my friend,” Jeonghan replied playfully. “Fine, I admit it. I have grown rather fond of her. It’s not like I could help it. She…”

Suddenly, a memory of the faint smell of your perfume from right outside Joshua’s office comes to the forefront of his mind and everything starts to become clear.

You overheard him.

There is no other explanation that comes close to this. Though he’s found the catalyst for the change, Jeonghan still doesn’t understand why you’re reacting the way that you are. Is it because you only heard part of the conversation and had been upset about it? Or is it because you heard everything he had to say and decided to distance yourself since you didn’t return his feelings?

Whatever the case is, though he hopes it isn’t the latter, he has no time to sit around fiddling his thumbs and wallowing in sorrow. With so little time left before the engagement announcement, Jeonghan needs to make amends and work things through with you, before your relationship becomes broken beyond repair.

With that in mind, he summons his butler and organises some gifts to be sent to the Lombardi Estate where you’re currently staying, even though he knows it will be futile since you are someone who is not so easily swayed by such gestures. But, he hopes to at least get a different reaction than the one you’ve been giving him, preferring your anger over your indifference.

Jeonghan isn’t surprised to see the gifts returned back to the Palace a few hours later. However, he is surprised to see Duke Joshua waiting there for him.

“Did _____ send you to have a word with me?” Jeonghan sighs as he pours a drink for the both of them in the drawing room.

“No, though she did say that she doesn’t require this grand gesture and assured that she’ll be performing her duty well,” Joshua snickers before quickly settling down when Jeonghan narrows his eyes at him. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m here with a solution.”

“Admittedly, I’m willing to try anything at this point,” Jeonghan grumbles.

“Take her out to the Valentine's Festival tomorrow.”

“Will that really work?”

Joshua shrugs, “You know what they say, it’s a magical time and Eros always blesses the celebrants with love.”

Jeonghan doubts his chances. “I don’t know if that’s possible for either of us.”

“What have you got to lose?” Joshua challenges, clapping his friend on the shoulder. “I know my sister. Take her to the Festival and it’ll all work out.”

During breakfast the next day, your brother Joshua drops a letter beside you before he excuses himself from the Dining Hall. The Red Imperial Seal on it lets you know that it’s a letter from Jeonghan. Every fibre of your being wants to ignore it and rip it into shreds but you can’t seem to do it.

With only a day left before your engagement announcement at the Imperial Banquet, it could contain something important, so you open it reluctantly.

Dearest _____,

I would be honoured if you would accompany me tonight to experience what the Valentine’s Festival has to offer.

If you are so inclined, I have sent some commoners’ clothing to serve as a disguise and I will be waiting for you at the entrance of your Estate as soon as the sun sets.

Don’t worry, I have permission from the Duke.

Yours, Jeonghan.

With a sigh, you place the letter back on the table and reach for your cup of tea. Placing it on your lips, you take a sip and let the disappointment of the peppermint set in. You haven’t been able to drink chamomile for awhile now as it reminds you of bitter memories with Jeonghan.

As you lower the cup back on the table, you try to come up with a dozen excuses to decline him but find yourself unable to do so. His invitation is far too tempting, especially since you’ve always been curious about the Valentine’s Festival.

The Valentine’s Festival is an annual celebration held for Eros, the God of love, and is one of the most popular and grand events in the Attaca Empire.

Streets in the Capital are lined up with various stalls filled with food, jewellery and other merchandise, and the inns and boutiques are filled to the brim. There are dancers, magicians, actors and singers on almost every corner of the Square and the city is alive for most of the day and well into night. It’s easily the busiest and most profitable event in the Empire, lasting a whole week and ending with a banquet hosted by the Imperial Family.

Nobles and Commoners from all over the Empire converge in Lombardi to see what the Festival has to offer and hope to leave with their hearts full; it is a celebration of love after all.

You’ve never felt that there was a point in you partaking in the festivities and celebrating love since you’ve been betrothed to Jeonghan since before you were even born. Duty is the reason you’re bound to spend the rest of your lives together and not the other four letter word everybody else yearns for. Just like he said all those months ago.

Despite all your efforts, you haven’t been able to forget your feelings for him. Every time you read his letters, your affection for him grows and you can never throw them away, no matter how hard you try. And despite your efforts, Jeonghan refuses to give up, not allowing you to stray far away from him.

Why is he doing this? Is this really all just because of his duty? Is there really no way that his heart beats for you like yours does for him?

He confuses you to no end and you don’t know if this is something you can live with as long as you’re with him. You have to know how Jeonghan really feels and in doing so, you hope that your heart will finally be at peace. Grabbing the pen and paper that Tia had prepared, you write your reply and agree to meet him.

“Thank you for meeting me,” Jeonghan greets you once you’re within his reach.

Dressed in nothing but a pair of black trousers and matching black button down shirt, his top two buttons are undone and his sleeves are rolled up to reveal veins that run from his arm down to his hand. With his hair slicked back, you think it’s rather unfair how dashing he looks in these plain clothes.

Compared to Jeonghan, you’re wearing a red floor length summer dress, short sleeves sitting just below your shoulders and white flowers adorning the whole fabric.

“I honestly didn’t think you’d come,” he says, tearing his gaze away from your exposed collarbone. “Also, you look beautiful.”

“Thank you. Honestly, I didn’t think I would come either,” you admit with a small smile. “But, the offer of seeing the Valentine’s Festival is far too tempting. Is it just us two or will there be guards with us?”

Stepping closer, Jeonghan offers to hoist you up on the horse and he’s thankful that you don’t decline him. “The guards will be watching from afar,” he answers as he settles you on the horse. “They won’t come unless I call them so it will be mostly just us. I didn’t want to attract any attention to us so we can enjoy everything freely.”

“Jeonghan, you could be wearing rags and the people will still recognise the Crown Prince,” you scoff. Only a blind person wouldn’t see and know who he is, with his perfect handsome face.

“That won’t be the case,” he assures you as he mounts the same horse and seats himself behind you. Pointing to the ring on his right pinky finger, he explains further, “Jihoon imbued some magic in here that helps disguise my face. Only you can see me as I am.”

“The Royal Mage?”

“That’s him.”

“Do you think he can give me one as well?” you ask as calmly as you can, considering your proximity as Jeonghan starts the horse on a light trot. He’s sitting so close that you can feel his breath against your hair.

Jeonghan slightly tightens his arms around you, on the guise of making sure you don’t fall off, even though he truly just wants to be closer to you. “I’ve already asked him to put some spells on the engagement ring I’ll be giving to you tomorrow,” he answers, slightly flinching at the word engagement as he doesn’t know of your feelings yet. “I can ask him for something else if you wish?”

“No, the ring is fine,” you reply, trying to hide your hurt from feeling him flinch against you. The night is off to a terrible start but you promised that you would try to enjoy yourself at the very least, so you push yourself to move on. “So, what exactly will we be doing at the Festival?”

With a sigh, Jeonghan collects himself. The night is only beginning and he won’t lose hope just yet. “There’s lots of shows and dances for us to see along with the fireworks,” he reveals. Smiling, he adds, “We’ll also do lots of eating of course.”

You can’t help but laugh then and if you turn your head slightly, you would’ve seen the relief on Jeonghan’s face. “Well, now you’re speaking my language,” you state, covering your mouth with your hand as you giggle. “Let’s get moving then. There’s no time to waste.”

Bending slightly, Jeonghan whispers in your ear, “Yes, dear.”

The term of endearment takes you by surprise and you have to stop yourself from turning to look at him, not wanting to reveal how much it affects you. You need not bother really because Jeonghan clearly sees the way your hands cup your heating cheeks in an attempt to cool them and he has to spend the whole journey to the town square stopping himself from kissing your adorable face.

It isn’t long until you reach the Capital, the trip feeling shorter than you thought due to the conversation freely flowing just like it used to. Laughs and banters were shared and not a hint of awkwardness was found.

Leaving the horse in an alley, Jeonghan takes you by the hand and leads you around the Festival. Like a seasoned veteran, he takes you around from stall to stall, seeing what the merchants have to offer, before finding you both a seat at the small outdoor theatre where a play is about to begin.

“I didn’t think you’d know your way around,” you mention before taking a bite from the skewer he bought. “Am I correct in saying that you’ve done this before?”

Jeonghan swallows his food and answers, “You’d be correct. I’ve been out and about once or twice before.”

Biting your lip, you decide to test the waters. “Accompanying other ladies, I presume?” you ask.

“You are the first,” Jeonghan clarifies quickly. “I haven’t taken anyone else, nor do I plan to take anybody else but you.”

You accept his answer with a small smile and turn your attention to the commencing performance.

Try as he might, Jeonghan cannot look away from you even if he wanted to, finding you far more captivating than the play. He watches the way your eyes sparkle and the way your smile grows in wonder, etching it in his memory in the off chance that the misunderstanding between you doesn’t get resolved.

When the play finishes, you applaud and join the audience in a standing ovation, telling Jeonghan how great the play was and all of your thoughts about it. He doesn’t have a single clue what you’re talking about since he saw none of it but he listens intently, smiling at how passionate you are about it.

Suddenly, a group of musicians make their way onto the stage and the previous performers work to remove the wooden crates that were used as seats, turning a portion of the Square onto a dance floor. Not wanting to waste the opportunity he’s been given, Jeonghan bows in front of you and offers his hand.

“May I have this dance, my lady?”

“Jeonghan,” you whisper so that the crowd doesn’t hear. “It isn’t that I don’t want to dance with you, but I don’t know how to do this kind of dance.”

“I don’t see that as a problem since I can lead you,” Jeonghan assures you.

Reluctantly, you give him your hand which he gladly accepts. “I believe you said that you hadn’t taken a lady here before,” you state, pout growing as he snickers at your miniature tantrum. “How is it that you know this dance then?”

Holding your right hand tightly with his left hand, he places your other hand on his shoulder and rests his free hand on your lower back. “I learnt through watching,” Jeonghan smirks and gently ushers you closer to him until there’s no space left between your bodies. “Besides, I’m the Crown Prince, I can do anything.”

“Including making a fool out of me, I bet.”

“Sweetheart, that would be impossible,” Jeonghan utters and just as you open your mouth to try and say something, the music starts and he begins to lead you.

The dance seems simple enough so far, starting off with the basic steps of the waltz which you’re thankful for, as Jeonghan’s close proximity continues to distract you. “Why do you do that?” you query, your burning curiosity getting the better of you.

To your chagrin, Jeonghan feigns innocence. “I’m afraid I don’t have the slightest idea what it is you are referring to, my darling.”

“That! It is exactly that! Why do you use every form of endearment and not call me by name?”

“We agreed to only do so in private,” Jeonghan teasingly reminds you. “On top of that, I quite enjoy” —his hands travel to your waist and lifts you into the air— “seeing the way you look so flustered.”

At this revelation, he gets a perfect view of your gaping mouth before he has to lift you in the air again.

“I knew it,” you scoff upon your soft landing, thanks to Jeonghan’s sturdy hands. “Two can play this game, you know.”

“Oh, you think so?” Jeonghan challenges as he signals that another lift is coming.

“I do, my love,” you reply coyly just as he lifts you again, and you can tell that you’ve caught him off guard from the way his hands slip slightly, almost dropping you. “Honey, you almost dropped me,” you scold, playfully smacking him on the chest once you’re safely back on your own two feet.

“The fault is yours for surprising me,” Jeonghan mutters, biting back the smile threatening to take over his face.

Guiding you to stand beside him and turning you to face the opposite direction he is, Jeonghan places his arm in front of you to hold your hip that’s furthest from him and you mirror his motion, allowing him to turn you both in a circular motion.

“I didn’t think anything could surprise you, dear,” you tease, feeling his hand tighten on your hip.

“Admittedly, I didn’t think so either,” Jeonghan grumbles, slightly pushing at your hip so you can both change the direction you’re facing. “At least until I met you.”

You’re about to respond when Jeonghan turns you again and you find yourself facing another gentleman. It seems the dance includes a change in partner ever so often until you arrive back at your original partner. It’s unfair of him to say such a thing just before he hands you off, further confusing you and igniting the feelings you have for him once more.

Taking a chance to look at him, you find him staring back at you. His new dance partner is speaking with him and he seems to be conversing with her but his gaze on you is unwavering and you are trapped in his spell. Unable to look away even if you wanted to and even if you have to because of the steps of the dance, your eyes find him again and again through the crowd, feeling even closer to him despite the distance.

And when the dance finally comes to a close, you end up back in his arms like you were always meant to be there. Like Jeonghan was always the one meant to hold you.

This feeling of uncertainty is foreign to you. All this time, you thought you knew how he feels about you, but his words and actions beg to differ.

However, it matters not, until you know the exact reasons for the way he’s behaving.

Is he still only motivated by duty? Or did the premise of the Valentine’s Festival finally open up his heart?

Whatever the case may be, it is something you can no longer ignore and your growing feelings for him is something you can no longer deny.

“Why are you doing this to me?” you ask and Jeonghan is taken aback. “Why do you confuse me so?”

Your inner turmoil is written as clear as day on your face and Jeonghan wishes for nothing more than to be able to gather you in his arms and confess his feelings to you. The thought alone scares him half to death but it’s not as frightening as the thought of spending the rest of your lives together with your cold indifference towards him.

What’s the worst that can happen?

Of course, there is a chance that once he finally reveals his true feelings that you may not feel the same way about him. If that is the case, it’s still possible for you to grow to love him, further down the line as you both grow older. But, Jeonghan knows that if he doesn’t take advantage of the opportunity he’s been given, your heart may close the door on him forever.

“_____, listen—”

“Jeonghan, I—”

“Everyone, the fireworks will begin in a few minutes!”

Sighing, you lower your head onto Jeonghan’s chest. “I know we need to talk but I also want to see the fireworks,” you whine.

Cupping your face in his hands, Jeonghan raises your head so that you can look at him. “We can watch the fireworks and talk after,” he concedes, but it’s worth it when your eyes light up like Christmas morning. Placing his hands gingerly on your shoulders, he instructs, “Please stay right here and wait for me. I’ll be right back with some refreshments.”

“I’ll wait,” you assure him.

“I’ll only be a minute, please stay right where I can see you.”

Gently squeezing your hand, Jeonghan reluctantly turns away from you and heads to find the nearest pub. Every now and then, he turns to check that you’re still right where he left you. This time, when he turns, his brows furrowed in worry when he no longer sees you in his field of vision as the crowd fills the square.

Drinks forgotten, Jeonghan weaves through the crowd in search of you. He calls for you multiple times to no avail and even as he reaches the spot where he left you, there’s no sign of you anywhere. It’s just his luck that the fireworks then commence and it drowns out his voice as he begins to call for you once more. Cursing, he makes his way through the sea of bodies to continue his search.

The thought of something terrible happening to you fills him with dread, making him sick to his stomach. He pleads with Eros to help him find you and his prayer is answered when a gust of wind carries along petals that land in your vicinity. Bristling, he makes his way over to where you are.

“Oh Jeonghan, there you are,” you greet but your smile fades as soon as you see the expression on his face. It’s one that you’ve never seen on his usually bright face, at least not directed at you. “Is something the matter?”

Jeonghan remains silent as he grabs hold of your wrist and leads you out of the overcrowded square. You didn’t dare to resist when it’s clear that right now, he is not one to be messed with. Soon enough, you reach your destination, finding yourself in a secluded alley in the square away from prying eyes and eager ears.

He all but flings you in the alley and your hands brace themselves on the cool brick wall to stop and steady yourself. “What in the world were you thinking?!” he asks, livid. “Or was it that you weren’t thinking at all?”

“I have no idea what it is you’re referring to—”

“I only asked one thing of you,” he states calmly but you can see how furious he is beneath the surface, his eyes blazing with fire. “One direction that even a child could follow and they would have listened.”

Ah, it’s finally dawned on you what makes him so angry.

“I don’t understand why it’s such an issue—”

“You don’t understand why it’s an issue?!”

“—I only went to a better spot for the fireworks,” you finish explaining despite Jeonghan talking over you. “It’s not like you couldn’t see me—”

Jeonghan laughs out loud but there is no mirth to it. “That is precisely it!” he snarled. “I couldn’t see you anywhere I looked. I called out for you so many times and received no response back. I was so worried and I thought I had lost you—”

“And why does that matter?” you argue and the question renders Jeonghan speechless, but you’re not done yet. “Why does it matter if you lose me? Why do you care?”

At this, Jeonghan could no longer remain silent. “I beg your pardon,” he protests. “Of course, I care about you.”

“But, only because of your duty,” you remind him as you roll your eyes.

“No, it goes far beyond that.”

This is a game that you no longer wish to play.

“That’s not what you said that day,” you reveal, finally admitting that you overheard his conversation with your brother that day. “Don’t even think of lying to me because I heard everything.”

Now that you’ve confirmed his earlier assumption, Jeonghan proceeds, so that he can now get an answer as to how you feel about him. “And, what exactly did you hear?”

“That you’re only bound to me by duty.”

“And?” he prods, impatiently.

“What do you mean, ‘and’?” you ask, confused as to where he’s heading with the conversation.

“I did say that” —he crosses his arms— “but what about the rest of it?”

With a pout, you answer confidently, “You didn’t say anything else.”

“Yes, I did,” he declares with a sadistic calm.

“No, you didn’t.” You stand your ground but that is the last straw for Jeonghan.

“Yes, I did!” he yells in frustration, grabbing at his hair. “I admitted that I had grown fond of you and it was something that had been beyond my control.”

“What?” you wonder, more to yourself than anything.

Already having gone this far, Jeonghan doesn’t hold himself back any longer, baring his heart out after coming close to losing you. “I said that you had me falling in love with you with no hopes of ever getting up, ever since the moment I laid my eyes on you.”

No, there’s not a chance that this is real. You’re sure of it. Yet, you find yourself asking, “You love me?”

“I love you,” Jeonghan vows with no hesitation. “Despite everything, I fall more and more in love with you and right now, as you stand before me, I have never been more in love with you.”

No matter how hard you search, there’s no sign of a lie on his face. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Actually, I did.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I truly did,” Jeonghan says, smug. “I wrote them in every letter I sent you since that day I admitted to my own feelings.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’ve never lied—”

“You have, when you lied about being my partner for my debutante ball,” you remind him, brow raised in challenge.

Jeonghan bites his lip and moves closer to you, eliminating the space between your bodies. “I was merely delaying the truth that time,” he jokes. “But, I really did let you know in my last letters. You would’ve known if you had read them.”

“I did—”

Jeonghan interrupts, taking your hands in his as he says, “Enough about the letters. _____, I’ve finally told you how I truly feel about you. Please, stop torturing me and tell me how you feel about me.”

“I—”

“I don’t think it matters how the young lady feels since she’ll be coming with us and you won’t be alive anymore to see her again,” a stranger interrupts and Jeonghan is quick to shield you behind him. More thugs turn up and Jeonhan slowly retreats until you’re squeezed between him and the wall.

Jeonghan doesn’t miss the way you tremble in fear and he knows that he has to deal with them as soon as possible. He almost lost you once today and he’d be damned if he lets it happen a second time. Especially now that he’s confessed his feelings to you.

“Close your eyes and cover your ears,” Jeonghan instructs but you shake your head vehemently. “Please, listen to me just this once. I don’t want you to see this.”

“Call for Seungcheol,” you plead, holding on to his arm. “There’s far too many of them. We can wait until he gets here.”

“It’ll be too late by then,” Jeonghan sighs. “Close your eyes. I promise that no harm will come to you.”

“What about you?” you caution, tears flowing freely down your face. The love of your life has finally confessed that he feels the same about you but why is fate so cruel to put you in this position?

“There’s no need to worry,” he assures you as he draws out his sword. “Now, do as I say. I won’t take long.”

Eventually, you relent and let go of his arm. Taking one final look at him, Jeonghan places a chaste kiss on your forehead, forcing your eyes closed as he moves your hands to cover your ears tight. When you feel him pull away, you almost defy him once more but ultimately know that you’ll only be in his way, increasing his chance of getting hurt.

So, you stay right where you are and do exactly as Jeonghan says, praying to Eros to return the one that you love safely.

You don’t know how much time has passed but you eventually feel Jeonghan’s warm yet wet hands pull your hands away from your ears, letting you know that the ordeal is over. When you open your eyes, you see his shirt drenched in blood despite the colour of the material.

“You’re bleeding,” you cry out, hands reaching out to check on him, but his hands stop you from doing so.

“It’s not all mine,” he assures you only to be met with the roll of your eyes.

“That doesn’t make it any better,” you scold.

“I’m fine—”

“No, you’re not!” you exclaim through your tears. “You’re hurt and it’s all my fault. If I hadn’t wandered off in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this alley and—”

“If you hadn’t wandered off, I wouldn’t have had an opportunity to finally tell you how I feel about you.”

“Is that even important right now?” you sob unceremoniously into your hands. “Now, I know how it feels.”

“What do you mean?” Jeonghan asks.

“I almost lost you and I haven’t even had the chance to tell you how I feel about you.”

Jeonghan’s heart picks up speed and it feels like it’s about to beat right out of his chest. This is the moment he’s been waiting for and he can’t believe you both had to risk your lives in order for it to happen. “And how do you feel about me?”

“Your Highness!” Seungcheol calls from the entrance of the alley before you can answer Jeonghan. “I’ve finally found you both. My apologies for arriving late.”

“Actually, you’re far too early,” Jeonghan rolls his eyes and you have to cover your mouth to hold down your laugh upon seeing Seungcheol’s confused face. “Did you bring my horse?”

The guard nods. “I’ve also brought a carriage for Lady _____,” he adds. “Shall I summon the physician to their Estate?”

“That’s not necessary,” you decline as you are unscathed. “Please summon them to the Palace instead along with the Royal Mage. His Highness may need some healing magic in time for our Engagement Announcement tomorrow.”

“Yes, m’lady.” Seungcheol bows. “Your carriage has arrived and is ready to escort you back.”

Sighing, Jeonghan lowers his head onto your shoulder and your hand reaches out to play with the hair on the nape of his neck. “Won’t you consider coming back to the Palace with me?” he entreats and feels you shake your head to decline him. “We haven’t finished our conversation yet. Must I really wait till the Banquet to hear your answer? Must you really torture me again?”

“Must you be so dramatic?” you tease him and he nips at your shoulder in retaliation. You have to commend him, he’s grown rather bold ever since he confessed his love for you. It seems he no longer wants to waste any time and frankly, since you feel exactly the same towards him, you don’t want to waste another second without him either. “You can always come to see me before tomorrow.”

Jeonghan lifts his ahead, adorable confusion on his face and you can’t help but giggle. “How will I see you before tomorrow?” he asks, tilting his head.

“My balcony faces the Glass House in the Estate,” you whisper in his ear, bidding him farewell with a light kiss on his cheek. “You’re the Crown Prince. Surely you’re smart enough to figure it out?”

He is and he can’t wait.

It’s when you’re brushing your hair by your vanity before retiring for the night when you hear the knock on your bedroom window. Spotting his familiar figure through the mirror, you place the brush on the marble surface and make your way to let him in. Pulse racing as you unlock the window, you don’t dare to look at his face and walk back to the centre of room, only turning towards him once he’s let himself in and closed the window behind him.

Jeonghan takes his time studying you, gaze instantly drawn to the way you stare at the floor once more instead of him, just like you used to. Eyes drifting lower, he spots your slightly parted lips and he has to stop himself from reaching out and running his thumb across your bottom lip. His gaze travels lower once more, breath hitching at the sight of the top of your breasts due to the low neckline of your nightgown. Seeing the way your chest heaves from your erratic breathing makes something inside him snap and he shoves his hands in his pockets, taking big strides until he’s standing right in front of you.

“Such a cruel woman you are.” He breaks the silence, pushing your chin up with his finger so that you finally look at him. “Inviting me here and making me wait for your attention. Do you know how agonising it is when you look as delectable as you do? But, we’re not quite there yet, are we?”

Your attempt to look away from him is thwarted when he grabs your chin between his thumb and index finger and you’re forced to endure the intense regard in which he holds you. “If anyone’s waited long enough, it’s me,” you say in hopes to placate him.

However, it has the opposite effect on Jeonghan. “That’s rich coming from you,” he retorts. “Especially after I professed my love for you today. If I recall correctly, I’m yet to hear about your feelings towards me.”

“I’m afraid,” you say truthfully.

“What are you afraid of?”

“I don’t express myself well with words,” you confess. “I’m afraid my words would be insufficient to describe what it is I truly feel for you.”

Jeonghan shifts impossibly closer to you eliminating the space between you. Cupping your face in his hands, he leans in closer and ghosts your lips with his. “Hm, you always were better with your actions,” he breathes, thumb skimming your bottom lip like he fantasised, smearing your lip tint a little. “Would you prefer to show me instead?”

“Yes,” you sigh, eyes immediately closing.

Jeonghan’s lips hesitantly touches yours in a feather light kiss and it’s much too soft and quick for your liking. He moves to pull away, testing the waters but he doesn’t get far when you grab hold of his shirt, pulling him towards you so that you can kiss him once more. This time, the kiss you share is more intense, carrying your emotions with it and when they finally reach him, Jeonghan becomes bolder and returns your kiss with the same fervor.

His kisses grow hungrier and more heated each time, almost devouring you whole but you are insatiable. You crave to taste more of him, sliding your hands up and locking your arms behind his neck, pulling him further into you. Wrapping his arms around your middle, he holds you tight and you pull away in a gasp when you feel him, half hard and large against your hip.

Not liking the separation, Jeonghan dives in and takes the chance to shove his tongue in your gaping mouth, intertwining with yours in a perfect dance. His eager hands travel from your hips to your bottom, groping and kneading its cheeks before venturing further south. When they land behind your thighs, he grabs hold and lifts you onto him as he walks towards your bed.

Jeonghan sits down on the edge of your bed with you on top of him and you shift your legs to straddle him comfortably. You kiss him again and again, timing a third kiss with the roll of your hips and you feel his excitement grow against your centre. Impatient, your hands scramble to untuck his shirt from his trousers, pulling it over his head to toss to the other side of the room.

“Oh fuck,” you swear at the sight of his toned abdomen, not caring for how unladylike you are becoming. Biting your lip, your fingertips glide across his skin as you take him in.

This new side to you is enthralling and Jeonghan feels proud knowing that only he is privy to it. That you are here, completely and utterly enamored by him and him alone. Jeonghan leans back on his elbows watching you with eyes full of aroused curiosity. “Your turn.” He nods in your direction and you comply.

If it were anybody else who asked, you know you would have hesitated to no end. But, Jeonghan makes you feel brave. He makes you feel loved. He makes you feel desired. Grabbing the hem of your nightgown, you shimmy out of it at an excruciatingly slow pace, noticing the way Jeonghan eyes you like a man starved, his breath hitching at every inch of skin you reveal.

“You are beautiful,” he breathes out and it diminishes whatever insecurity existed that was begging you to cover yourself up. Sitting up, he kisses you lasciviously, gripping you tight as he pivots and pushes you into the mattress. His fingers make their way between your bodies, toying with the waistband of your underwear, before pulling the lewdly soaked material down your legs. “Move up on the bed, lie down on the pillows and spread your legs. I want to see you.”

Taking a deep breath, you do as he says, watching with interest as he sheds the rest of his clothing. Jeonghan can’t help but stare too long at your inviting pussy and he doesn’t miss the way your legs quiver in anticipation. Like a predator hunting its prey, he gets on the bed and crawls slowly towards you and fits himself between your legs. He lowers his body until your chest to chest and meets your lips again in a fiery kiss.

This time, he doesn’t stay on your lips too long, desperate to touch and feel more of you, kissing along your jaw and down where your neck meets your shoulder. He marks his place on the juncture of your neck, sucking and nipping until a purple bruise is left in its wake. Lifting his head slightly, he marvels at the view of your breasts, eyes rolling back before diving in and taking your right nipple in his mouth.

His tongue darts out to kitten lick at your wetted bud, blowing air on it before sucking it back into his mouth. Being the gentleman that he is, he dares not to neglect your other breast, palming and fondling it before he switches and pays attention to it. Your ragged breaths bounces off the walls in your room and he uses the sounds to spur him on along with how your body twists and squirms beneath him.

“Relax _____,” Jeonghan coos at you. “I’m just as… new to this as you are.”

“It doesn’t seem like it,” you murmur. “But, I guess my education on this was limited compared to yours.”

Sitting back on his knees, he grabs hold of his cock, groaning as he strokes himself a few times before he guides himself to slide between your folds. Watching him with keen eyes, you grow more desperate for him, mouth hanging open in a silent plea. Once he’s well lubricated from your juices, he aligns himself by your entrance, preparing himself to enter your glistening trove.

“This is the last chance you have to refuse me,” Jeonghan rasps out. “If you don’t, I’ll be taking away your virtue and will never let you go.”

“No one is taking my virtue away,” you mewled, reaching for his free hand and guiding it up your body to rest on your breast. “I am freely giving it to you, along with my love. So, don’t you dare even consider letting me go.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Jeonghan grits his teeth as he pushes the head of his cock through your cunt, straining to hold himself back from fully impaling you on his cock to avoid hurting you.

“You can keep going,” you nod, breathing becoming ragged even as you try to calm yourself.

His hands reach for yours and intertwine them together, pinning them on either side of your head as he lowers himself until all of his weight is on you. With a shaky exhale, he sinks in further but still not all the way, peppering your chest with kisses in apology as he waits for you to accommodate him.

Tears pool at the corner of your eyes, sliding down your cheeks and you don’t have the strength to hold them back. Jeonghan whispers words of affirmation onto your skin and your heart swells in your chest. You seek out his lips and he gladly obliges you, kissing languidly until the current stretch is bearable.

“With all that I am, I love you and I’m yours,” you confess, whimpering as Jeonghan pushes deeper as a result.

A moan of your name from deep within his chest slips from his lips and he’s unable to hold himself back even if he wanted to, sheathing himself to the hilt inside you. The burning sensation of the stretch makes you tremble but it’s nothing compared to the feel of fullness inside you.

Releasing one of your hands, Jeonghan cups your cheek and kisses you hard, wanting to alleviate your pain. When you feel his cock throb inside your warm walls, you inadvertently clench around him and the last of his control snaps.

“Love, please tell me I can move,” he growls and you respond by shakily hooking your legs around his waist, taking him even deeper with a roll of your hips.

Jeonghan takes this as his cue, slowly drawing his cock out and harshly slamming back in. Crying out his name in ecstasy, your hands move to rest on his shoulders, nails digging in as his pace increases. An intense heat starts to build inside you, arching your back from the mattress as your hips frantically grind against him to match his rhythm.

“Jeonghan, I…” you sob, the intense heat taking all over your body. “I can… feel something… something is coming.”

“Gods, I feel it too,” he croaks and relentlessly drives himself inside you. Winding his arms around your middle, he holds tight and moves your body the way he wants so that you can both have the release you’re desperately seeking.

It’s when Jeonghan’s lips brushes by your ear, whispering ‘I love you’ with a perfectly timed shift of his hips, that the coil inside you snaps, eyes rolling to the back of your head and body shivering as your orgasm consumes you, a litany of his name echoing in the room.

At the feeling of your pulsating walls around his cock, his movements begin to falter. When you profess your love for him, he careens clean off the edge, hips jerking as he comes and a sigh of your name escaping from his lips as he paints your walls with his hot, white release.

Jeonghan buries his face in the juncture of your neck, hot breath fanning your skin as you rake your fingers through his damp hair. You stay together like this until your breathing evens out, not caring about your sweaty skin or the stickiness between your legs.

Then, he slowly pulls out his softening cock, watching your face for any signs of discomfort along the way. Planting a kiss on your shoulder, Jeonghan leaves the bed for a moment, fetching a towel and basin filled with water from the bath. With utmost care, he wipes the mess clean from your body. Once he’s put the soiled cloth away, he joins you back on the bed, dragging your body until you’re tight against his chest, whispering his love for you repeatedly until slumber comes for you.

When morning comes, it is anything but quiet. It starts off with your maid Tia dramatically dropping a basin upon catching you tangled in bed with the Crown Prince and Jeonghan being caught sneaking out the balcony by Joshua who’s having his morning coffee by the adjacent balcony. Jeonghan avoids being scolded because he pulls rank with the Duke, but you’re not so lucky. He bids you farewell with a kiss before heading back to the Palace to prepare for the Imperial Banquet.

It all happens quickly after that, spending most of the day getting pampered and leaving you with no time to even think about the events of the previous night. Upon your arrival at the Palace, you’re quickly ushered to stand in front of the door to the Great Hall where Jeonghan is already waiting.

Grabbing your hand, he gently kisses the back of it before planting another one on your cheek. Jeonghan stares longingly into your eyes before disrupting the connection by breaking into laughter.

“What’s so funny?” you ask, tilting your head in confusion.

“Nothing, I’m just happy,” he beams, bending to rest his forehead on your shoulder. “I’m glad that it’s not just duty that binds us together and that we’re actually fated to each other.”

“As am I,” you assure him, turning to kiss him on the cheek. “My love has always been you and it will always be you.”

“Always,” Jeonghan vows, lifting his head so that you can see his sincerity.

You return the promise with a kiss, along with a silent prayer to Eros in thanks and your hearts have never been fuller.

please do not copy/repost/translate my work without my permission

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xomakara · 6 months

Text

Our Love is Infinite

SUMMARY | You’re in a relationship with five guys that are utterly devoted to you. PAIRINGS | NCT '00 Line/Fem!Reader GENRE | just filthy smut, unprotected sex, fluff, mentions of threesomes, fingering, anal sex, oral sex (both male and female receiving), dirty talk, pet names RATING | Mature LENGTH | 14,672 words AUTHOR’S NOTE | And this is finally finished. Geezes, took me awhile. IDK if there’s really any plot in this. It’s more sex than anything. There’s mentions of threesomes but I haven’t wrote any of those scenes in here lol. Maybe I’ll write a part 2 or something for this. Hope you like it!

“So you and Jeno, huh?”

“Yeah, like he was really good last night.”

“I can’t believe I managed to kiss Jaemin.”

“Oh my god, you lucky bitch.”

You overheard the girls from a few tables down talk about who they've spent the night with after the NCT frat party. One girl was boasting about getting laid by Jeno. Another one claimed that she and Jaemin had kissed last night.

But you knew that wasn’t the case. Jeno and Jaemin were with you last night. You were sandwiched between the both of them, both taking turns fucking you senseless. The two gorgeous studs had given your pussy the best fucking it’s ever received.

You rolled your eyes, Yangyang sitting across from you as he laughed. “Seeing your reaction, seems like those girls are just telling made up stories.”

Haechan shook his head. “Don’t tell me…both of them were with you last night?”

Renjun let out a small laugh. “Of course they were with Y/N.”

Haechan patted you on the shoulder. “Mmm, baby. Jeno and Jaemin? At the same time? How are you feeling today?”

“I felt like I was almost torn in half.” You frowned at him, lightly squeezing his thigh.

“Awh, baby. Are you sore?” Haechan leaned over and kissed your forehead. He whispered into your ear, running his fingers along your jawline. You shivered under his touch. "Should we give you a break tonight?"

“Let's give Y/N a break tonight,” Renjun said, placing a kiss on your cheek.

Ever since you and Haechan started dating, your relationship and sex life has been very surprising. When Haechan was open to the idea of sharing you with his friends, it changed everything. No longer were you just his girlfriend, you were their girlfriends too. While you might not get to spend your whole time with Haechan anymore, you do get to enjoy each other’s company. For the most part, you guys are all exclusive to each other.

At first it started when you and Haechan caught Renjun sneaking looks at you while you weren't looking. When you asked why he kept staring, he told you that it was because he thought you were cute. As it turned out, Renjun had never dated anyone before and it took a lot for him to finally make a move. Haechan and you invited Renjun over to hang out, where you gave him your number so he could call you later.

When you got home that day, you looked at Haechan, questioning what to do next. Haechan chuckled and said he was fine with it if you wanted to date Renjun. Of course you agreed, wanting someone new to share your bed with every once in a while. Renjun seemed like a fun guy and being around the two of you makes him happy. It made you happy to know that there would be another man in your life that would treat you well.

Plus sex with the both of them is pretty awesome too. They're both quite skilled in the bedroom, leaving you satisfied more often than not. Not only did you start having threesomes with the two of them but you also have regular sex with them alone.

Yangyang was thrown into the mix when Renjun introduced him to you and Haechan. Like everyone else, he was attracted to you right away. He and Haechan hit it off right away and Yangyang saw an opportunity to pursue you. The two started spending a lot of time together, becoming best friends quickly. Haechan and you came to trust Yangyang and eventually you invited him to join in on their threesomes with you.

You were surprised when Jeno and Jaemin showed interest in you. It made sense though. After hearing all the sexcapades between you, Haechan, Renjun and Yangyang, you weren't surprised if Jeno and Jaemin wanted in on it as well. And hey, the sex was great so far. You would be lying if you say you didn't enjoy having Jaemin's dick deep inside you or letting Jeno slide in and out of your ass. So yes, you welcomed their advances with open arms. Plus, they weren't going to be some random people trying to enter your lives. They're already your friends.

This arrangement was a win-win situation for everyone involved. Everyone gets what they want. You got more dick. Haechan got some friends and you were happy to have a group that made you happy.

"Where is Jeno and Jaemin?" Renjun looked around before spotting Jeno's car in the parking lot. "They're always here early."

Jaemin entered the restaurant first, wearing an oversize t-shirt and sweatpants. He spotted Haechan standing behind you, greeting him with a hug. "Hey, sorry guys. Someone forgot to wake us up this morning."

Jeno pointed at you, smiling brightly. "Can't blame you, Y/N. The fuck she put us through last night."

You shrugged, turning to face the boys. "It was fun."

The rest of the guys filed into the restaurant, all talking amongst themselves. Jaemin turned towards you, giving you a small smile. "Did you sleep okay last night? We didn't hurt you or anything, did we?"

"Nah, I'm fine." You answered, sticking out your tongue. "Even though I felt like I was being torn apart half way through. But don't worry, I still enjoyed myself."

Jaemin smiled, nodding his head. "Good. 'Cause we plan to do it again soon."

Everyone exchanged glances before beginning to chuckle.

"Well, get in line since I plan on having her to myself." Haechan said with a wink, his hand on your thigh. "It's been awhile since I had some one on one with my sweetheart."

Your heart sped up. It's been awhile since you slept only with Haechan ever since you got multiple boyfriends. Haechan was your everything and even though he does get possessive sometimes, you love every bit of it. His kisses, his cuddles, the way he makes you feel so special. Although you had other boyfriends, Haechan was the one you loved the most. Having multiple lovers couldn't change that. Haechan wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Yangyang frowned. "I want some love too. Kind of jealous right now."

"Come on, don't be jealous." Renjun said, giving Yangyang a friendly pat on the back. "Remember that Haechan and Y/N have the most intimate relationship since they've been together since the start. It's just normal for her to spend most of her nights with Haechan."

Jeno leaned over, putting a hand on Yangyang's shoulder. "Come on, bro. You know how close they are. They've been through thick and thin. If anyone knows what they're doing, it'd be Haechan and Y/N."

"Ahww, my poor Yangyang." You pressed a small kiss on his cheek. "I still love you."

"Hmm, I love you too, dumpling." Yangyang nodded, returning your peck.

After finishing their meals, everyone gathered outside in front of their cars. It seemed like no one was leaving any time soon.

"I'm heading home." You announced, hugging Yangyang goodbye. "See you guys later."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Haechan called out, catching your attention. "Why don't you come back to my place instead?"

"Ahh..." You moaned, biting your lip. You hated to refuse Haechan, especially when he asked you something like this.

Haechan bent down, whispering into your ear. "Please, baby. I miss you."

"You're such a big baby," you muttered, your arms snaking around his waist. "Hmm, why don’t I spend some time with the others for the rest of the week and then you can have me all to yourself on the weekend. Deal?”

“Sure, whatever works for you. I love you.” Haechan chuckled, shaking his head. “I know in the end, I’m your favorite.”

“I love you too, Haechannie.” You kissed him. “You’re always my number one.”

Just as Haechan was pulling away from you, you turned around to face Renjun. Renjun was leaning against his car, grinning from ear to ear.

"What's so funny?" You asked, shooting a look at Renjun.

"Nothing, just looking at my two favorite people. Always have been, always will be." Renjun held your gaze with affection. Wrapping his arms around you, he gave Haechan a nod. “Y/N deserves the world. Sure this relationship with five guys and their one girlfriend is weird but it works.”

“That’s true, it really does work.” You murmured, resting your head on Renjun’s chest. You glanced at Haechan, seeing him smiling proudly. Before you knew it, Renjun wrapped his arms around both of you. You pulled away from Renjun, gazing into Haechan’s eyes. “Thanks for bringing these guys into our lives.”

“It’s nothing, baby. I’m just glad I could bring them closer to you.” Haechan leaned in, kissing you gently. Renjun, Yangyang, Jeno and Jaemin exchanged smiles.

Yangyang then let out a small cough to get everyone's attention. “We should really decide on a schedule to split Y/N’s time.”

Jeno leaned against his car. “I think Y/N should get more time with Haechan since they’re the main couple.”

“I second that idea.” Haechan chuckled.

Jaemin folded his arms over his chest and nodded. “Agreed.”

Renjun walked closer to Haechan, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. “What do you think, Y/N?”

You tilted your head slightly. “Well…if you guys think it’s necessary, then I don’t mind either. I trust you guys with my life and vice versa. Besides, if you guys all spend time with me during the weekdays, I can spend the weekends with Haechan. That sounds fair enough.”

“So how about…” Haechan started. “Y/N has Yangyang on Mondays, Jeno on Tuesdays, Jaemin on Wednesdays, Renjun on Thursdays?”

“And leaving you Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays?” Renjun suggested, earning chuckles from the rest of the group.

“Yep, sounds good to me.” You agreed. “But I also get the option to have threesomes, foursomes, or a gangbang on any given day.”

Everyone laughed while you flashed your pearly whites at Haechan. Haechan sighed, grabbing your chin, turning your face towards him. “Don’t tempt me, baby.”

“Yeah yeah, take me now!” You shouted, falling backwards onto the hood of Renjun’s car. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

“Oh, but it will take awhile to satisfy you. Let’s give you a little break.” Renjun groaned, tugging on your arm before dragging you closer to him. He grinned, pulling away from you and sending a loud smack onto your butt. “Later, kitten.”

You shook your head, wiping off your tears from laughter. “Whatever, you can’t resist me. I’m irresistible.”

Renjun growled at you playfully, nuzzling your neck with his nose. “Haven’t you heard, kitten? Nobody can resist you.”

Haechan let out a laugh. “Since we settled on a schedule and it’s Sunday, why don’t we give Y/N a break tonight and start tomorrow?”

“Hmm, that sounds reasonable.” You mumbled, leaning your head against Renjun’s shoulder.

Renjun chuckled. “Kitten, if you didn’t listen to Haechan when he first suggested this, then we wouldn’t be in this situation. Don’t worry about it. We already have an entire family of our own. Nothing compares to that. We’ll never leave you behind. Not ever. I promise.”

“Good. Then it’s settled. Everyone here will be responsible for taking care of you every single day. So, rest well today, baby.” Haechan gave you another kiss on the lips before placing his hand on your cheek. “I love you, sweetheart.”

You grinned at Haechan, brushing a strand of his black hair behind his ear. “I love you too, baby.”

The six of you stood there for a few moments, smiling at each other before you finally pulled away. After a quick goodbye, you headed back to your apartment building, walking in front of everyone else.

"See ya guys next week." You waved as the six of you parted ways.

When you got back inside your apartment, you took a deep breath before slowly closing the door. The air seemed different somehow. Maybe it was because you knew that the next few days would probably change everything again. But you were excited for this new development, even though it had its downsides. This was definitely going to be interesting.

You glanced at the photo on your wall once more. A couple of years ago, the six of you had gone out to dinner together and took pictures. It wasn’t the most professional-looking picture in the world but none of you cared about that.

For the first time, you smiled genuinely as you gazed at the photo, imagining what the future would hold for you and your five boyfriends.

Monday

It’s Monday and today is the day you get to spend with Yangyang. He promised you that he would give you all the time you wanted today.

"Thank you for waiting." You murmured, approaching the table. Yangyang was sitting at the opposite end, smiling brightly.

"Hey beautiful." Yangyang greeted, getting up and wrapping his arms around you. "How was your night?"

"It was alright." You admitted, resting your head against Yangyang's shoulder. "I ended up spending the night watching movies."

"Sounds boring." Yangyang teased. "Although I'm glad that you spent time alone with me."

"Mmm, thank you." You purred. "It was nice being by myself but I missed you."

Yangyang nodded. "Are you sure that you want to have me all to yourself today?"

You shrugged, lightly smacking Yangyang's lips with yours. "There's no reason not to. Why would you even ask that?"

"You're in a mood." Yangyang smirked.

"That's the understatement of the year." You sighed. "Have you decided where you wanna go today?"

"Well…" Yangyang scratched the back of his head, ruffling your long hair. "As a matter of fact, I did. Do you wanna go to the park?"

You nodded. "Of course I wanna go to the park with you!"

"Great, let's get going then." Yangyang pulled you up, holding onto your hand tightly. "Ready?"

You nodded before pulling away and heading towards the door. Once outside, you both paused for a moment. There was something magical about strolling around in the park during a beautiful summer afternoon. Yangyang, of course, noticed this immediately and couldn't help but pull you closer to him.

After walking around for a bit, you both eventually sat down on a nearby bench, enjoying the peaceful scenery around you. You rested your head on Yangyang's shoulder while he placed his head on top of yours, quietly staring at the flowers in the garden nearby. "This place is really pretty." You whispered.

"Yeah." Yangyang nodded. "Every time I come here, it reminds me of when we first met. How much things have changed since then."

You giggled, nodding in agreement. Things certainly have changed between the two of you since the two of you became lovers. It was almost like you had a whole new life ahead of you, filled with new opportunities, possibilities and people who mattered. Although your relationship with Yangyang had begun as an innocent one, you still made memories together that would last a lifetime.

"You know, I'll always be grateful to you." Yangyang stated softly. "From the very beginning, you showed me kindness. No matter what kind of person I am, I could never forget how you accepted me without hesitation. Because of you, I found the courage to believe in myself again. For a while, I forgot what it felt like to truly feel alive. Thanks for helping me find my happiness again."

"Yangyang…" You hummed, running your fingers through Yangyang's hair. "You've helped me too."

Yangyang snorted, pulling you close to him. "Yeah right, dumpling. I know Haechan has done more than everyone since he’s been there from the start. And trust me, I'm thankful to have such wonderful friends like him. What do I do that's special?"

You giggled, shaking your head. "Not everything has to be spectacular to count as special. Your actions are enough to convince me that I chose the right guy."

"Heh, good point." Yangyang grinned, hugging you tighter. "Anyway, do you have anything planned for tonight?"

"Not really." You answered truthfully.

"Why don’t we go back to your place then? We don’t need to have sex or anything. I just want to spend time together or whatever you want.” Yangyang squeezed you. “We can fall asleep in each other’s arms too, if you want.”

You couldn't help but blush at Yangyang's suggestion. Tonight was a perfect night to do some private snuggling.

"Yangyang, that sounds great." You exclaimed, jumping up. "But are you sure you want to stay over tonight?"

"Absolutely." Yangyang reassured you. "What do you say?”

You shrugged, turning towards the park entrance. "Let's go then. Let's head home. I'm kinda tired."

Yangyang followed closely behind you, continuing to whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Once inside your apartment, you both stopped in the middle of the hallway. Neither of you said a word as you walked towards your bedroom, leaving the rest of the apartment dark. Yangyang pulled off his shoes, removing his jacket before walking further into your room. "Shall we cuddle?" Yangyang asked as he pulled you towards the bed.

"Yes, please." You responded quickly, fluttering your eyelashes at him.

"Hmm, naughty girl. Come on, let's cuddle." Yangyang lifted you up, carrying you to the bed.

Once on the bed, you turned around and cuddled up next to Yangyang, facing him. Yangyang was caressing your back tenderly, smiling lovingly. "I love you so much, Y/N." Yangyang whispered in your ear. "Thank you for loving me."

"I love you too, Yangyang." You replied softly, tightening your grip around Yangyang's waist. "Now cuddle me some more."

You didn't have to tell Yangyang twice as he buried his face in your neck, whispering more sweet nothings in your ears. "Do you have any regrets about us being together?"

You shook your head. "No, not at all. In fact, I think I made the right choice."

Yangyang chuckled. "Good to hear. Now let's enjoy this little moment."

"Sounds good." You laughed, snuggling closer to Yangyang.

Soon, your lips began to touch each other. You kissed Yangyang softly, making soft sounds as you tasted him. You gently nibbled on Yangyang's lower lip, sucking lightly as you felt Yangyang lean in towards you, kissing you passionately. His hands traveled to your backside, cupping you tightly, rubbing your skin with excitement. You broke away from your embrace, gently pushing Yangyang onto his back. "Yangyang..." You breathed heavily. "Let's… do it.”

“Do what?” Yangyang questioned.

“Please… fuck me.” You whispered, slowly taking off your clothes. “If it’s okay with you.”

“Is that what you really want?” Yangyang teased, licking his lips as he stared at your body.

“Yes, please.” You whimpered, moving closer to Yangyang.

Yangyang let out a small laugh. "Alright, we'll do it." He kissed you once more before rolling you over onto your stomach. He lowered himself to your side, kissing your butt gently. "It feels so nice to be able to have you all to myself. Even if it's only on Mondays."

"I know that having to share me with four other guys sucks sometimes." You commented with a sigh. "But I'm happy that you can spend this time with me."

"You're right, baby. They mean a lot to me too. But I'm glad that we're able to be with each other now." Yangyang hugged you tight. "In fact, I'd like to make this time even better."

"Yangyang…" You moaned as Yangyang continued to rub your ass cheeks. "Please… fuck me."

Yangyang kissed your cheek, grabbing onto your thighs. "You really want me to fuck you, huh?"

"Y-yes, please… fuck me." You gasped, trying to contain your arousal.

“Sure thing, dumpling.” Yangyang responded. “Just lay back and relax.”

You moaned softly as you laid down on the bed, watching Yangyang remove his pants and underwear before climbing onto the bed. He looked so handsome, lying down naked and exposed, looking incredibly sexy. Yangyang looked up at you, a huge smile on his face. "Are you ready, my sweet dumpling?"

"Mmmm, yes." You moaned, blushing slightly as Yangyang started kissing your stomach. "I can't wait."

“Don’t worry, baby. I’m gonna make you cum so hard.” Yangyang whispered, slipping two fingers inside you. Yangyang started moving his fingers in and out of you, feeling every single inch of you. "Even though you have five boyfriends, you’re still so tight."

You could only moan at Yangyang's words, already having a strong orgasm building up. Yangyang continued his ministrations, teasing you mercilessly as he kissed your breasts, nipping your nipples playfully. He moved his mouth to your left breast, sucking on it as his fingers slid deeper inside of you. After a few minutes of pleasing you, Yangyang climbed on top of you, licking your entire body before moving down towards your core. He licked his way down to your thighs, dipping his tongue into your wet folds.

Yangyang kissed you gently, kissing your thigh and backside, causing you to moan loudly. "Oh god Yangyang, please…”

"Relax and open up for me, my sweet dumpling." Yangyang panted. "Trust me. It will be worth it."

With that, Yangyang leaned forward and placed a kiss on your clit, sending shockwaves throughout your body. You grabbed onto the sheets below you, feeling Yangyang run his tongue across your sensitive flesh. With his fingers still inside of you, Yangyang circled your clit rapidly, feeling you shake underneath him.

"Ahhh…" You gasped, gripping onto Yangyang tightly. "More, please… More."

Yangyang groaned, knowing exactly what you wanted. Moving his finger in and out of you, Yangyang continued circling your clit as he inserted another finger inside of you, massaging your g-spot and causing you to explode violently. You bucked wildly under him, squirting all over Yangyang’s face. Yangyang removed his fingers from you, licking up all of your juices. You tried to calm yourself down, breathing heavily as you laid there.

"That was incredible." Yangyang breathed. "You taste so good."

"Oh my god," you panted. "I can't believe I squirted like that."

Yangyang smirked, leaning down to kiss you gently. "As I said, it will be worth it."

Yangyang lifted himself up and looked at you, running his fingers through your messy hair. He leaned down to plant a passionate kiss on your lips, licking your tongue before returning to his normal position.

"You really came so hard." Yangyang stated, nuzzling his nose against yours.

"Ugh, don't remind me." You grumbled, covering your face with your hands. "I'm just so embarrassed that I got so wet and messy like that."

"I wouldn't call it embarrassing." Yangyang murmured, kissing your shoulder. "Your orgasms are absolutely beautiful."

"What does that even mean?" You groaned. "And why am I not surprised?"

"Come on, it's true." Yangyang laughed. "It takes quite an amazing woman to squirt all over someone’s face. So thank you for being my amazing woman, dumpling."

"Stop being silly, Yangyang." You sighed. "But thanks."

Yangyang snickered, licking his lips. "Well then, shall we continue where we left off?"

"Yes, Yangyang." You groaned. "Yes."

Yangyang reached for your hand, pulling you close to him. He grabbed onto your hips, grinding his dick into your body. You moaned, closing your eyes and relishing in the warmth of his dick pressed against your pussy.

Yangyang kissed you deeply, moaning softly as he felt your heat enveloping his dick. He could feel his penis throbbing as you moaned softly in his ear, his erection growing harder by the second. As Yangyang kissed you passionately, he gently thrust his dick inside of you, letting you take all of him in. You moaned again as Yangyang kissed you. The feeling of his dick stretching you out was almost indescribable. Every time he thrust into you, Yangyang grunted softly. Your lips met once more as Yangyang penetrated you, slamming you against the bed.

You could barely hold onto your sanity as Yangyang continued thrusting into you, feeling every single inch of him move within you. He began moaning as well, feeling every single inch of you wrapped around him. You could tell that he was enjoying every minute of this, moaning louder and louder as he continued thrusting into you. You couldn’t help but start screaming out as he increased his speed, grinding his dick against you. You clenched your fists, panting hard as he kept fucking you.

Finally, Yangyang grabbed onto your hips, thrusting faster and faster. You could feel your climax starting to build up as he fucked you relentlessly. Finally, you felt it come crashing down on you. Your entire body shook as you shuddered under him, Yangyang pounding into you as you screamed out. Your body quivered uncontrollably, crying out as waves of pleasure ran through you.

"Shit, Yangyang!" You cried out, throwing your head back as you felt your orgasm sweep over you.

He grabbed onto your arms, holding onto you as you continued coming. He thrust into you once more, gasping as he watched your face contort in ecstasy. After several moments, he withdrew his cock from you, allowing you to breathe. He placed kisses on your forehead, resting his chin against yours.

You finally calmed down, feeling him stroke your hair.

"Wow…" You sighed, staring at the ceiling. "That was… wow."

Yangyang laughed softly. "I told you it would be worth it."

"It was definitely worth it." You agreed, grinning up at Yangyang.

Yangyang pulled you close to him, nuzzling his nose against yours. "This is how we should be spending our Monday nights, dumpling."

"Yeah." You sighed. "You're right."

The two of you fell asleep in each other's arms, cuddling after such a wild session. Even though you'd taken part in sexual activities together countless times, this particular moment seemed particularly special to you.

Tuesday

It was easy to fall asleep after a full day of fun and laughter. You had gotten plenty of sleep after spending all night in Yangyang's arms. You opened your eyes slightly, hearing footsteps coming towards the room. Without opening your eyes completely, you spotted Yangyang walking in, stopping at the foot of the bed.

"Good morning, dumpling." Yangyang greeted, planting a gentle kiss on your forehead.

You sat up in bed, smiling. "Morning. What time is it?"

"Around 7:30 AM." Yangyang informed you. "When I woke up this morning Haechan let himself into your apartment so he could work on something this morning in the living room. Jeno also stopped by and is making breakfast. He’s in the kitchen making coffee and food right now. I already had my breakfast since I need to head out to my morning class.”

“Oh…” You nodded, rubbing your hands across your face. “Alright, see you later.”

"Okay." Yangyang leaned forward, kissing you on the lips gently. "I love you, dumpling."

"Love you too." You smiled.

"Give Jeno and Haechan my love." Yangyang kissed you again before moving back towards the door. "Take care, okay?"

"Okay." You echoed, leaning back in bed. "Bye bye, handsome."

Before he left, you heard the door open and close. For a second, you thought that someone else might have come in but after lying still for a while, you realized that you were the only one in the room. Rolling out of bed, you walked out of your bedroom and remembered that Jeno was cooking breakfast.

Padding into the kitchen, you wrapped your arms around Jeno, face pressed into his back.

"Ah, you're awake." Jeno remarked. "How are you feeling today?"

"Wide awake now that you made me food." You smiled, hugging Jeno tightly. “You’re a lifesaver.”

Jeno chuckled. "Don't worry, it’s my job to take care of you on Tuesdays. You owe me big time for all the times I had to come to your rescue."

You shrugged. "I love you too, so it's fine."

"Aw, you're too cute." Jeno winked, patting your head affectionately. "The food should be ready soon, so why don't you go wake up your number one? It won't be too long before we're eating."

"All right." You agreed, hugging Jeno again before letting go and walking towards the living room.

When you entered the living room, you noticed Haechan curled up on the couch, with his laptop open on his lap. From the way he was leaning back, it looked like he fell asleep while working. Taking a seat beside Haechan, you glanced at his screen and saw that he was doing some research for one of his papers. You chuckled, placed his laptop on the coffee table and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Wake up, love.”

Haechan slowly turned his head towards you, blinking rapidly before his eyes focused. “Ugh… sorry… sleepiness.”

“Don’t apologize. I bet you worked hard to finish your paper in time. I’m proud of you.” You smiled, leaning forward to give Haechan a kiss on the lips.

Haechan returned your kiss, his hand coming to caress your arms. He whispered, “I wish it was Friday and the weekend already. I want to hold you again, hug you tightly.”

“Me too.” You sighed. “But today is Jeno’s day.”

“Hey, you two!” Jeno popped his head into the living room, pulling you both out of your thoughts. “Breakfast is ready! Come and eat.”

“Okay, let’s eat.” Haechan stood up and went to the kitchen, joining Jeno in preparing your meal.

“Thanks again for cooking.” You whispered, placing a soft kiss on Jeno’s cheek.

Jeno chuckled, returning the gesture. “Anytime, princess. That’s what I’m here for.”

You walked to the kitchen, followed closely by Haechan. After washing your hands, you grabbed a bowl and spoon and went to sit down at the dining table. The three of you ate breakfast before cleaning the dishes and putting them away.

As you finished tidying up the kitchen, Jeno called out from the living room, asking you to join him. You followed Jeno back to the living room, sitting down on the sofa while Haechan took a seat on the floor in front of the couch.

"So, did you sleep well last night?" Jeno asked.

"Yep, very well. Had a lot of fun talking with Yangyang." You told Jeno. "We just talked and cuddled.”

“I know you had sex with him too, baby.” Haechan muttered, eyes twinkling with mischief. “You're always craving for a dick in you.”

“Maybe I’m just waiting for the weekend for you to fuck me.” You said to Haechan teasingly. “But yes, the sex was good.”

“As long as you were satisfied, babe.” Haechan burst out laughing. "But can you patiently wait for the weekend for me to fuck your brains out?"

"I'll try my hardest, love. Not a guarantee though. But until then, today is Jeno's day." You leaned forward to give him a kiss. "You know I always love you Haechan."

"And I always love you too, my love." Haechan said tenderly.

You returned Haechan's smile before looking at Jeno, who had been quietly observing the scene between you and Haechan with a smile on his face. "Speaking of which, I forgot to ask you. Do you have any plans today?"

Jeno paused, giving you an apologetic look before shaking his head. "Sorry princess, nothing interesting happening today."

"That's fine. Just hang around the house with me. Or maybe go shopping with me?" You suggested, giving Jeno a pleading look. "If you get bored, we could watch movies or play games."

Jeno bit his lip. "Y/N, you can't possibly be bored if you're with me."

"Of course not." You scoffed. "I would never be bored with you."

"Mmm, if you insist…" Jeno smirked, giving you a light kiss. "We can spend our day in bed if you want."

"Look at you two flirting in front of me." Haechan chuckled. "Just stay in bed with him for the whole day. Don't bother going out anywhere."

Jeno kissed you passionately, tugging on your shirt before running his fingers through your hair. "Should we?”

"Yes." You moaned, wrapping your arms around Jeno's shoulders. "Just stay in bed and don't stop kissing me. It's only Tuesday. Haechan, forget class and stay in bed with me too.”

“I wish I could, baby.” Haechan chuckled, getting up off the floor. “Today is Jeno's day. So I will take my leave first. I love you and I’ll see you this weekend.”

With that, Haechan left the living room, leaving you alone with Jeno. He stared deeply into your eyes before giving you another deep kiss. As he pulled away, he murmured, “Ready to spend the rest of the day in bed with me?”

"Mhm." You agreed, resting your head on his chest.

Jeno wrapped his arms around you, running his hands through your hair and caressing your scalp softly. After staying like that for a while, he whispered, “Do you remember when we first met, babe? When you accidentally walked into the lecture hall and tripped over me because I was laying down there?”

“Yes.” You mumbled, closing your eyes as you recalled the events of that fateful day. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” Jeno continued. “I was trying to take a nap before my lecture. And you came walking in. My heart almost skipped a beat when I saw you walking towards me. All I could think about was wanting you, making you mine. I wanted to take you home at that moment but then I found out that you and Haechan were dating."

"You were jealous." You giggled. "That’s cute. I thought you hated me at first."

“At first I hated you. I was angry because I lost out on a chance to make you mine." Jeno admitted. "But after I found out how much Haechan loved you, I calmed down. I knew that you would choose him instead of me."

“But you're here now, Jeno." You smiled. "Haechan might still be my number one, but don't think that you're not special to me. You all are special to me. I'm lucky to have you all in my life."

“You’re right. We are all special to you." Jeno sighed, running his hand through your hair. "And we do care about you. I should be glad that Haechan is so open about sharing you with other men. At least he has good taste in choosing people to share you with. Even though you and I weren't together yet, you shared your body with me without hesitation. I was surprised at first, but later on, I got used to it. Whenever I see Haechan fuck you, I feel happy. To see him make you moan and scream. He's very passionate when he fucks you, especially when he's holding you in his arms afterwards. He hugs you tight and strokes your hair. It makes me melt every time. Seeing him like that reminds me of how much he loves you. I wanted to be like that for you."

You gazed at Jeno intently, marveling at how sweet he was being. There was such sincerity in his voice and eyes that you couldn't help but become emotional. "How could anyone not fall in love with you?"

Jeno closed his eyes, smiling as he ran his thumb along your jawline. "It’s hard to describe. But whenever I’m with you, everything seems brighter and more beautiful. Everything is perfect. No matter how bad my day is, you manage to make me forget everything else. I hope that we can stay this way forever. This perfect world where nothing ever goes wrong."

He tightened his embrace around you before whispering, "I love you."

You closed your eyes, knowing that this was a moment worth remembering. And that this was a moment worth repeating. This moment where everything seemed so right, so perfect. You opened your eyes, gazing at Jeno lovingly.

"I love you too." You whispered. "Now come make my Tuesdays as wonderful as possible."

Jeno smiled brightly, leading you out of the living room and heading straight to your bedroom. He tilted your head up and softly pressed his lips onto yours, brushing your teeth gently before deepening the kiss. His tongue teased yours playfully, swirling around and inside your mouth before finally entering.

You felt your stomach tense as Jeno continued to explore your mouth with his tongue. Moaning loudly, you pulled back, throwing your arms around Jeno's neck. You lifted your leg up, wrapping it around Jeno's waist as he stood up, pulling you along with him.

"Shit, you're so hot and sexy." Jeno groaned, lifting you up in his arms. "My legs are so tired."

“They need to rest anyway.” You laughed breathlessly, leaning against Jeno as he carried you to the bed. “Now, lay me down.”

Jeno laid you down gently, pressing a series of kisses on your skin as he started undressing you. You looked at him lustfully as he slowly peeled off each piece of clothing. Every single inch of your body was exposed, sending waves of excitement through your system. His face glowed with desire as he lowered himself, staring at your naked body with admiration. His eyes moved over your torso, tracing every curve and crevice of your skin before moving downwards to your breasts.

Your nipples hardened under his gaze as he stared at them, causing you to shiver. Unable to resist, you reached for Jeno's hair, stroking it seductively as he continued to look at your breasts. He licked his lips hungrily before reaching for your nipple, pinching it lightly. Your body arched upwards instinctively, trying to seek more stimulation. A satisfied growl escaped from Jeno's throat as he continued to pinch and twist your nipples. You whimpered with pleasure, arching your back even further.

Jeno glanced at you briefly before lowering his head, sucking your breast roughly. His teeth dug into your flesh, eliciting another shriek from you. With that, Jeno switched his focus to your other breast, nibbling on your erect nipple again as he increased the pace of his movements. Your entire body was throbbing with desire by now, your clit already wet and swollen.

Moaning louder, you spread your legs wider, giving Jeno more access to your pussy. “More…”

Jeno complied immediately, taking his time to lick your clit and tease your g-spot with his tongue. You felt yourself nearing orgasm already, letting out soft cries as you tried to suppress your moans.

His teasing made you cry out again as your body convulsed uncontrollably, shooting a river of juices all over the place. You fell limply onto the bed, panting heavily as you listened to Jeno moaning.

“Fuck. I can’t believe I squirted again.” You panted.

Jeno grinned, crawling on top of you. He pushed his cock against your entrance, stretching your muscles slightly as he thrust forward. You groaned, feeling the head of his cock pushing past your inner walls. His shaft slowly slid in and out of you, stretching you even further.

“God, you’re so tight and hot.” Jeno groaned, running his hands up and down your sides. “It feels so good having you wrapped around me like this.”

You nodded in agreement, gripping Jeno’s hips tightly. “Don’t stop fucking me.”

Jeno smirked, tightening his grip on your hips. “Oh no, I’m just getting started.” He grunted as he slammed his hips forwards, making you squeak with surprise. He began pounding your pussy vigorously, his eyes locked on yours as he gave you all of his attention. The sight of him looking at you intensely caused your heart to race faster than ever before.

Each stroke became harder and faster as he picked up speed. His rough breathing echoed in your ears, mixed with the sound of his cock sliding in and out of you. Every inch of your body was drenched with sweat by now, your entire body trembling violently.

A low groan escaped from Jeno's lips as he pumped you harder and faster. Each thrust sent a jolt of pleasure through your body, causing you to bite your lip and hold back any noise you may have made. You could feel his shaft twitch inside you every time he plunged into you, sending ripples of pure ecstasy throughout your entire body.

Jeno released a string of curses as he slammed his hips into yours repeatedly, his pace becoming erratic as he grew closer to climax.

“Fuck, princess.” Jeno gritted his teeth, pumping your pussy furiously. “Are you close?”

“Yeeeesssss.” You cried out, wrapping your arms around his neck and grinding your hips into him.

The sensation was intense as Jeno continued pounding your pussy relentlessly. Sweat dripped down his forehead, creating little rivers down his cheek as he continued to stare at you hungrily. You could tell that he was nearing his peak as well.

“I’m gonna cum.” Jeno groaned, shaking his head wildly as he continued to pump your pussy.

“Cum inside me!” You yelled, slamming your hips backwards. “Fill me up!”

Jeno's entire body trembled, as if his entire body was going through some sort of spasm. His face contorted into an expression of utter pleasure, which caused your heart to skip a beat. He bit his lower lip before suddenly slamming his hips forward once again, making you gasp as his balls exploded.

Hot white liquid splashed onto your skin, filling you up with every single drop of his seed. Your insides turned molten hot as Jeno kept pumping your pussy, spilling every last drop of his load inside you. You were left gasping for air, completely drained as Jeno collapsed next to you, collapsing in exhaustion.

After a few moments of catching your breath, you glanced down at Jeno's naked body. Every part of his body was flushed red with perspiration, glistening from the numerous streams of sweat that had accumulated on him. His breathing was heavy as he lay beside you, completely spent.

You leaned in towards Jeno, planting a gentle kiss on his lips before burying your face into his neck. He groaned softly, closing his eyes as you held him closely. His arms encircled your waist protectively, causing you to smile fondly.

“That was amazing.” You whispered, resting your chin on his chest.

Jeno didn't reply, only snuggling closer to you. Both of you remained silent, lost in thought. Eventually, you drifted off to sleep, feeling content as you cuddled against Jeno's side.

Wednesday

Wednesday rolled around and you laid in Jaemin’s arms on the bed, resting comfortably in his embrace. The two of you had spent most of the day watching TV shows and chatting. At one point during the day, Jaemin and you got carried away while playing Uno, making each other laugh hysterically when neither of you could see the cards you were drawing anymore due to your laughter.

The entire time you stayed in Jaemin’s arms with him softly stroking your back. There was something about the way he did that made you feel so loved and cherished, like nothing would ever change between you two.

Jaemin rubbed your shoulder as you talked about your days. “What happened with Yangyang on Monday and Jeno yesterday?”

“Yangyang and I just hung out, took a walk around the park and just cuddled in bed that night.” You answered, looking up at him. “And yesterday, Jeno made me breakfast and then we just stayed in bed all day.”

“Did your days end with sex?” Jaemin raised an eyebrow, a teasing smile on his lips.

"Why?" You asked, arms wrapping his neck. "Is my Jaemin jealous?"

Jaemin laughed, burying his face into your hair. “No, my little bunny. No jealousy here.”

He nuzzled against you affectionately before lifting his head again, gazing into your eyes. “We’ll always have some great days together. Right?”

You sighed happily, raising an eyebrow. “I suppose… But there will also be those bad days, won’t there?”

Jaemin placed his index finger on your chin, tilting it upwards until you looked at him. He smirked. “Well I hope those bad days don't include me."

"They probably won't…" You nodded, turning towards him, allowing your arms to wrap around his shoulders. "Who's to say that I won't have bad days with the other guys?"

"If you do, just come talk to me about it. I promise I'll make sure you're okay and things get better for you. You know how much I care about you, my sweet bunny."

You smiled at him, snuggling closer to him. “Thank you, baby.”

"Anything for you, honey." Jaemin grinned, holding you tighter against him.

For a moment you both were quiet, content with where you were at and what you were doing. Then suddenly you sat up straight, giggling. You leaned up, pecking his lips. “Oh, what do you say we go out tonight? There’s this new restaurant that I want to try.”

Jaemin glanced at the clock on the wall, grinning happily as he laid down. “I’ll get ready quickly. What should I wear?”

You giggled as you watched Jaemin scramble to get dressed. Once he was finished, he leaned over, kissing you passionately. “See you soon, bunny.”

As soon as he closed the door behind him, you turned to look at the mirror on the wall. Your reflection appeared distorted as you gazed at yourself intently. You couldn’t help but grin widely, remembering how good it felt when Jaemin had touched you earlier today. It was funny how things had changed between you and Jaemin since the first time you met him. Then, you were nothing more than a random student that walked in on him masturbating in the bathroom during a frat party you attended with Haechan.

Of course, back then, you hadn’t known anything about Jaemin, and you would have never guessed that he would turn out to be such a great friend. Now, you were practically inseparable with him. You were pretty sure that Haechan and your other boyfriends wouldn’t mind if you brought Jaemin into the relationship. He was a close friend of everyone, particularly Jeno, so it was just a matter of time before he became your boyfriend as well.

That thought made you giggle once more. In fact, you had already made the move on Jaemin a few times, surprising him when you broke the news to him that he had been ‘accepted’ into your harem. However, Jaemin didn’t take it too badly. To be honest, Jaemin seemed kind of excited about being accepted into your harem. Maybe it was because it meant you cared enough about him to let him join. Whatever the reason was, you were happy. Everything was perfect right now, and you knew you would only continue to improve. And even though there might be days when you didn’t feel very confident, there would always be someone who would help you feel strong.

Pulling on your clothes and checking to make sure you had everything, you met up with Jaemin in the living room. The two of you greeted each other cheerfully before heading downstairs together.

While waiting for dinner to arrive, you and Jaemin sat across from each other, talking about random stuff. You were about to bring up Jeno when the waiter arrived with their meals. You silently thanked the waiter as he placed the plates on the table before leaving. After collecting our utensils, the two of you started eating.

“So, about Jeno.” Jaemin said after a while, spearing a piece of meat on his fork. “Did he fuck you good last night? Was my baby satisfied?”

You let out a quiet moan as you chewed, pretending to ignore his question. “He did fuck me really well, though. Very much so.”

Jaemin smiled, leaning forward slightly. “Tell me everything. How many times did he penetrate you? Did you take his load in your mouth or your pussy? Or both?”

Taking a deep breath, you cleared your throat, knowing that you shouldn’t be getting excited by these questions. Still, you couldn’t stop thinking about what happened last night and how good Jeno made you feel. You tried your best not to show it, continuing to talk to Jaemin as if you didn’t hear him.

Jaemin glanced at you again, raising an eyebrow. “Y/N? Are you okay?”

Sighing softly, you shook your head, hiding your face behind your menu. “Yes, Jaemin. I’m fine. Just thinking about… something else.”

“Yeah, right.” Jaemin chuckled. “That ‘something else’ is obviously about what you and Jeno got up to last night. Why are you still blushing? It's okay to like it. I just want to know─”

“Jaemin, baby,” you looked at him. “How about I show you after dinner when we get home?”

Jaemin leaned back, chuckling. “You are so naughty. So insatiable, little bunny.”

The two of you finished dinner and headed back to the apartment, the sound of your footsteps echoing down the hallway. The lights were dimmed as you opened the front door and stepped inside. Jaemin followed you inside, locking the door behind him. As you shut the door, he began to undress, letting his shirt fall to the ground.

You blushed slightly, taking off your jacket and putting it aside. In a moment, your dress came off as well, revealing your lacy bra and thong underneath. While the silence hung in the air, you grabbed a throw pillow and laid it flat on the couch. You patted the seat next to you, Jaemin coming to sit. Smiling sweetly, you stroked his chin. “Are you okay with me having sex with Jeno?”

“Yeah, of course I’m okay with that.” Jaemin replied. “Besides, I’ve seen plenty of you and Haechan naked and fucking, remember?”

“Mmm…” You licked your lips slowly, biting your lower lip.

Jaemin smirked. “Oh my, this should be interesting.”

"It won't be long until we're all having sex together." You grinned mischievously. "Then everyone will be having lots of sex."

"Won't that be wonderful?" Jaemin chuckled.

“And my Jaemin can finally have some happy family days.” You giggled.

Jaemin rolled his eyes. “My own family?”

"Jaemin." You scolded, trying to pull away from him. "We’re all adults.”

“Well, in that case…” Jaemin smirked. “Let’s start a new family. With little bunnies running around.”

Laughing, you moved your hands to run down his sides, caressing his abs gently. You pushed his boxers down slightly, admiring the smooth skin on his torso. Gently nibbling on his earlobe, you lightly trailed kisses along his jawline.

"Behave, little bunny." Jaemin warned.

"Ooooh, I'm being bad." You giggled. "Tsk tsk."

Before you could move any further, Jaemin picked you up and set you down on top of him, locking his arms around your waist.

"Jaemin!" You exclaimed, struggling to get away.

"Now behave, little bunny." Jaemin chuckled, his lips capturing yours. His tongue teased yours playfully, causing both of you to moan softly. As he pulled away, you began kissing his neck.

"God damn it, you tease." Jaemin groaned, pulling you tighter against him.

As he began tracing his fingers down your spine, his hands rested above your ass, your breasts pressing into his chest. Leaning forward, he pressed his mouth against your collarbone, nipping and sucking on your skin. As you moaned loudly, a wicked smirk crossed his face.

Reaching behind you, he gently slid the straps of your bra down, exposing your breasts.

"Y/N." Jaemin groaned, licking his lips. "These are very beautiful."

A low growl escaped your throat as Jaemin ran his tongue along your breast. Grabbing them, he began to massage them gently. Using his thumbs, he circled your nipples before lightly flicking them with his tongue. They hardened instantly, eliciting a loud moan from you.

“Good girl.” Jaemin murmured, gazing down at you lovingly. “I like hearing you moan like that.”

As he began to suck on your nipple, his hand went to the small of your back, sliding down to your waist. Leaning down, he kissed you passionately, sending shivers through your body. For a moment, the only thing you heard was soft moans and grunts escaping your lips as Jaemin sucked on your breast.

Suddenly, he pulled away, his lips trailing down your stomach to your navel. He sucked on it gently, swirling his tongue around the edges. Another moan escaped your lips as you grabbed onto his shoulders tightly, desperate to hold on.

Suddenly, he stopped and stood up. Standing behind you, he wrapped his arms around your waist, placing his hands on your ass. He squeezed them firmly, pushing his hips forward slightly.

Your heart raced as you leaned back into him, feeling him push against your backdoor. Looking back, you could see him giving you a devilish smile. He gently pressed against you again, causing you to wince slightly as the head of his cock entered you.

"It's alright, my little bunny." Jaemin reassured you, stroking your cheek softly. "Just relax. It'll be fine."

"Jaemin, you're so big." You whimpered. "I don't know if─"

Jaemin placed a finger on your lips, silencing you. Taking a deep breath, he continued pushing forward, entering you completely. You moaned loudly, biting your lip as the pressure on your anus increased.

Jaemin bit his lip hard, panting heavily. "God, you feel amazing. Can you feel my dick filling you up?"

"Mmmm…" You nodded, smiling. "It feels so good."

His fingers left your cheek, trailing down your neck. Slowly moving upward, they cupped your breast, gently squeezing them as his other hand gently pinched your nipple. You moaned loudly, pressing your hips into his groin.

Panting loudly, Jaemin lifted his hips slightly. "Does my little bunny like that?"

"Ahh… yes." You groaned. "Please, keep going."

"Like that?" Jaemin whispered in your ear.

Shivering slightly, you nodded, leaning your head against his shoulder.

Gazing at you lovingly, he started thrusting harder, your moans filling the room. With every thrust, he would kiss you, gently holding onto your ass. At one point, he suddenly tightened his grip, bringing you to your knees as he kept thrusting in and out of you. A high-pitched moan escaped your throat as he continued pumping into you, you bucking your hips forward in response.

"Jaemin…" You whimpered. "I need you to cum inside me. Please."

“What do you want, little bunny?” Jaemin whispered seductively in your ear. “Do you want to feel me come inside you? Do you want to feel me fill you up with my seed?”

“Yes, Jaemin! Please! Cum inside me!” You screamed.

Jaemin let out a low moan, the veins in his neck standing out as he pumped his hips faster. Keeping one hand on your hip, he used the other to stroke your clit, bringing you to climax in no time. Feeling him tense, you knew he was about to release his sperm inside you.

"I'm going to cum inside you." Jaemin whispered. "All over your ass. Fill you up with my seed."

With that, he let go of your waist, placing his hands on your shoulders and driving himself deeper into you. One final thrust sent him shooting inside you, both of you screaming as he filled you. His moans filled the room as he let out several short bursts of cum inside you.

"Fuck." Jaemin gasped. "That was amazing."

"Me too." You moaned, burying your face into the pillow. "I love you, Jaemin."

"I love you too, Y/N." He mumbled quietly, his lips brushing against your hair. "Thank you for allowing me to be with you tonight. You've made my dream come true. I know that Wednesday nights with you is something that I'll always treasure."

The two of you stayed silent for a while, soaking in the blissful feelings that lingered between the two of you. In no time, you were lying there, cuddling with him as you both drifted off to sleep. You didn't notice the bright light shining through the window.

Thursday

Thursday arrived and you were at Renjun’s and Haechan’s place watching movies. Haechan told you that he was staying late at work but Renjun would be home.

You loved spending time with Renjun. Renjun was obviously great in bed but that wasn’t why he was your number two. If Haechan was ever busy, Renjun would always be there to comfort, keep you company and if your libido was acting up, he'd be more than willing to help relieve that pressure.

As you sat beside Renjun, he took your hand in his, gently stroking your palm. You looked at him lovingly, smiling softly.

"I missed you, Y/N." He smiled. "Today has been boring without you."

"Hmmm… Renjun." You purred, wrapping your arm around his shoulder. "If you want to keep me entertained, maybe you could fuck me later."

"Fuck." He mumbled, grinning sheepishly.

You giggled, moving closer to him. Kissing his cheek, you crawled across the couch to straddle him. Resting your head on his shoulder, you sighed contently. After watching a few movies, Renjun pulled you close to him, resting his chin on your head. The movie had ended and the rest of the night would consist of cuddling.

“You’re going to spend all night hugging me, aren’t you?” You asked.

“Yup.” He smiled, stroking your thigh. “After today, I wanted to make sure you knew how much I appreciate you.”

Smiling softly, you traced circles on his chest. “I appreciate you too.”

After a while, you shifted positions, rolling onto your side to face him. Nuzzling his neck, you softly kissed him on the lips.

"Renjun…" You said softly.

He looked at you with sleepy eyes. "Hmm?"

“Can I ask you something?”

His gaze softened. "Anything."

“How do you really feel about sharing me with Haechan and the others?”

"It makes me happy to share you with the guys." He replied simply.

"Why?" You asked.

"Because I like seeing you happy." He said, his voice sounding genuine. "Seeing you happy makes me happy. And it also feels good knowing that you have other guys who will care for you when I can't. Just like how in the beginning, I took care of you when Haechan couldn’t.”

A wide grin spread across your face. “You mean it? You actually like sharing me with them?”

"Of course." He replied confidently. "I never once thought otherwise. They treat you right and they are fun to hang out with. I trust them. I’m kind of happy that Haechan was so open sharing you with me, much less the others. I mean, most people might not like the idea of their significant other sleeping with someone else. But they never tried to force you into anything or become overly possessive. They are all respectful of each other’s relationship to you. I don’t know what we would do without our little harem. I love you too much to allow you to suffer alone. Sharing you with the guys allows us to continue having a relationship with each other while taking care of you at the same time. I like the idea of a bigger family, especially since the five of us are like brothers anyway."

Staring at him lovingly, you felt your heart melting at the sincerity in his voice. Suddenly, you felt his lips pressing against yours. Your heart skipped a beat as you returned his kiss. Lifting your hand, you grabbed the back of his head, pulling him even closer to you. You brought your other hand to cup his cheek, gently caressing his jawline. After a while, Renjun broke the kiss, resting his forehead against yours.

"I love you, Y/N." He whispered, cupping your cheek tenderly. "I love you so much. More than I ever thought possible."

"And I love you, Renjun." You said softly, nipping his lower lip.

Wrapping his arms around you, he slowly pulled you on top of him, letting his hands slide down your sides. Once he reached your hips, he gripped them tightly, urging you to grind yourself against him. Bringing your mouth back to his, he kissed you passionately, his tongue finding its way past your lips. For a moment, you felt overwhelmed by passion. Your entire body throbbed with desire, making you feel weak in the knees. Grinding yourself against him, you began moaning as his kisses grew rougher.

Pulling away from you, he smirked before sitting up. You followed suit, sitting on his lap, facing him. Leaning forward, he kissed you on the neck, causing goosebumps to form all over your body. Continuing his onslaught on your neck, he trailed kisses along your collarbone, causing you to squirm. Tugging at your shirt, he lifted it over your head. Next, he tugged off your bra, causing your breasts to bounce free. He moaned as he lightly pinched your nipples. Gently biting your breast, he sucked one nipple into his mouth while rubbing the other one with his thumb.

You moved your hands down his chest, running them over his abs, tracing small circles over his belly button. Kneading his skin gently, you felt him moan loudly as you slid your hands under his pants. Moving down his legs, you ran your fingers along his inner thighs. Moving down further, you wrapped your fingers around his length, teasing the tip of his cock. As you circled the base of his shaft, you could feel him shudder. Glancing up, you saw a look of lust on his face. Returning his stare, you licked your lips, drawing his attention to them.

"Oh god, Y/N." He groaned. "Are you really gonna do this? Right now?"

Looking up at him, you gave him a shy smile.

"Yeah.” You replied, slowly sliding your fingers around his cock, causing him to jump. “Do you really want me to stop?"

“No.” He grunted, grabbing your wrist. “I want you to suck me off. Right here. Right now.”

You gave him an innocent smile, kneeling down in front of him. Placing his cock in between your lips, you gently took the head of his cock into your mouth.

Letting out a sigh, he closed his eyes. Slowly sucking on his shaft, you took his length deep into your mouth, feeling it hit the back of your throat. Taking your time, you ran your tongue along the underside of his cock. Using your hands to hold his ass, you forced his cock deeper into your mouth, using your hand to squeeze his balls, causing him to cry out in pleasure.

Moaning loudly, you tightened your grip on his shaft as you went faster, circling the base of his cock with your tongue. Pressing your teeth harder on his shaft, you slowly increased the speed of your sucking. Soon enough, he started moaning louder, thrusting his hips upwards, encouraging you to go faster. You could feel his cum building up, pulsating at the tip of his cock. Taking him deeper into your mouth, you closed your lips around his shaft, allowing the first drop of cum to drip into your mouth. Sucking gently, you slowly took more of his cock into your mouth until you swallowed his whole load.

Dropping your head, you let his cum roll down your chin, dripping off your chin onto your breasts. Closing your eyes, you felt a sense of satisfaction wash over you as you heard Renjun let out a satisfied moan. His hand came to rest on the back of your head, massaging your scalp as you continued sucking his cock. Eventually, you pulled away, resting your head on his thighs.

He looked down at you with adoring eyes. Looking up at him, you made eye contact, locking your gaze with his. Gazing into his eyes, you noticed the gleam in his eyes, causing your stomach to flutter with excitement. His eyes seemed filled with longing, mixed with desire.

"Y/N..." He breathed. "What are you doing to me?"

Smiling, you rose to your feet. Running your fingers through his hair, you tilted his head upwards.

"I'm just doing what I love." You murmured, leaning in to kiss him.

"Well, if you keep doing things like that, I won't be able to stop myself from fucking you." He said, giving you another peck on the lips. Pulling away from him, you quickly took off your shirt and skirt, leaving you completely naked in front of him. Inching closer to him, you felt his breath on your skin. Feeling him moving behind you, you waited anxiously for him to finally touch you. With one quick motion, he flipped you onto your stomach, positioning himself behind you.

Slowly lowering his body onto you, he kissed the back of your neck, gently caressing your shoulders. Once he was positioned properly, he leaned forward, kissing your shoulders and back, causing goosebumps to appear all over your body. Leaning forwards, he began licking your shoulder, working his way towards your neck. As he kissed you, his left hand came to rest between your legs, rubbing you through your panties. While his hand played with your pussy, his tongue traced patterns on your back, sending shivers throughout your body.

Kissing you passionately, he let out a growl, placing his weight on top of you. Kissing your ear, he whispered in your ear.

"Y/N… I need you so bad."

You turned around, meeting his gaze. Sliding your arms around his neck, you ran your fingers through his hair. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you brought him close to you. Taking your face in his hands, he pressed his lips against yours, opening your mouth to his tongue. For a moment, you allowed him to explore your mouth with his tongue, feeling your arousal intensify as he teased you with his tongue. Biting your bottom lip, he broke the kiss.

"Hurry up and fuck me, Renjun." You whispered seductively.

Bending down, he buried his face between your legs, moaning at the taste of you. Leaving wet trails on your thigh, he ran his tongue up your slit, gliding up and down your lips, tasting every inch of you. Sticking out his tongue, he swirled it around your clit, eliciting a gasp from you.

Breathing heavily, you could feel your body heating up, sending tingles all over your body. Getting up onto your elbows, you watched him lick your pussy with such intensity. Panting, he brought his mouth closer to your clit, slipping a finger inside you, swirling his finger around your hole, making sure you were well lubricated. Once he was confident that your pussy was sufficiently wet, he stood up, positioning himself above you.

Pushing your hips upwards, you wanted to feel his cock penetrate you. Rolling his eyes, he grabbed your waist and moved you underneath him, aligning his cockhead with your entrance. A few short thrusts later, you could feel his cock enter you. Groaning loudly, he pushed forward, burying himself fully inside you. Letting out a loud moan, he pressed his hips into you, making you feel his cock swell even more. Tightening your muscles around him, he bit down on your shoulder, increasing the pressure of his thrusts. Feeling his cock swell again, you wrapped your arms around his neck, grinding yourself into him. Gasping, he thrust once more, making you cry out in pleasure. This time, instead of biting down on your shoulder, he placed his lips against your ear.

"Tell me how good it feels." He said in a ragged whisper.

Feeling his cock throbbing inside you, you opened your mouth, looking straight into his eyes.

"So fucking good…" You managed to say, biting down on your lip as you let out a moan.

"Oh god…" He groaned, slamming his hips into you again and again.

Each thrust caused you to cry out in pleasure. Sensing your orgasm approaching, he picked up his pace, driving his cock deeper into you with each thrust. Unable to contain yourself any longer, you cried out, coming hard around his cock.

As soon as you came, he threw his head back, releasing his seed inside you. Reaching down, he took one of your hands in his, bringing it to his mouth, kissing it softly. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you held him tight as he finished filling you with his cum. Keeping his cock buried inside you, he lowered his head and gave you soft kisses on your cheek and neck. Eventually, he got off of you, lying next to you. Gently stroking your hair, he looked into your eyes, letting out a sigh.

"Wow, Y/N." He said, smiling sheepishly. "That was incredible."

Wrapping your arm around his waist, you brought his head towards you, planting a kiss on his forehead.

"Yeah, it was." You said with a giggle. "But don't worry, we'll definitely do that again."

Friday

You woke up the next morning to find Renjun's spot empty. Sitting up, you rubbed your eyes, looked at the clock and noticed that it was about 8am. He probably had morning classes and didn't want to bother you. You got up out of bed and made your way to Haechan's room to see if he was there.

You found him lying in bed still, so you slipped in bed next to him. As soon as you lay down, he wrapped his arms around you and snuggled into you. Resting your head on his shoulder, you smiled at him.

"Good morning." You said.

"Good morning, sunshine." He replied, pulling you closer to him. "How was your night with Renjun?"

Leaning up, you kissed him on the cheek. "It was amazing. But now I just want to spend time with you."

Chuckling, he shook his head. "Silly girl. You've been spending all your time with the others. Don't you miss me anymore?"

You giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck. "As much as I love them all, I miss being with you the most."

Pulling you closer, he leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on your lips. After breaking apart, he brushed his lips across your nose, before pressing a kiss on your lips.

"You know you're always welcome in my room." He said, bringing his lips to your ear. "Especially when you look like that."

Shivering, you smiled, placing your head on his chest. "You always know how to make me blush."

A few minutes passed by in silence as you cuddled with Haechan. The last thing you heard before falling asleep was Haechan whispering 'I love you' in your ear. It was such an innocent, yet romantic gesture. A part of you wanted to hear more words of love from him but another part of you couldn't wait to fall asleep in his embrace.

After waking up from your nap, Haechan was still sleeping soundly. Feeling slightly hungry, you got up and headed to the kitchen for some breakfast. As you grabbed some orange juice from the fridge, you felt someone come up behind you. Turning around, you saw a sleepy Haechan leaning against the door frame, rubbing his eyes. He looked incredibly cute in his pajamas, making you smile.

Walking over to the counter, you poured yourself a glass of juice, taking a sip as you turned back around. Before you knew what happened, Haechan came up behind you and gave you a light kiss on the lips. Your body immediately tingled as you leaned back against him. You pulled away after a minute or two, grinning at him.

"Mm… Haechan, why don't we get dressed and go grab lunch together? There's a really nice little cafe near campus I think we'll both enjoy." You suggested.

Grinning, Haechan nodded. "Sounds good. Let me shower."

"Why don't I join you?" You asked.

He groaned, closing his eyes. "Baby, you're so damn tempting…"

You laughed and grabbed his hand, leading him towards the bathroom.

After showering, you and Haechan went to have lunch at a small, but adorable café. It wasn't very crowded today since it was early afternoon and not many people were out.

When they placed their order, Haechan decided to take charge and lead you outside. The weather was perfect, clear skies and only a slight breeze blowing. Grabbing each other's hands, you and Haechan started strolling through the university grounds, chatting away. He was telling you about one of his math classes, while you told him about one of your writing classes. Every once in awhile, you'd stop to smell flowers or examine trees. In fact, you even took the time to sit down on a bench and look up at the sky. Haechan watched you intently as you did this, watching you smile as you stared at the clouds.

As Haechan spoke, your mind began to wander to different memories of him. From your first date, to your anniversary, and every moment in between. In those memories, he would always be smiling. And as you thought of these moments, you felt yourself getting teary eyed. Wanting to avoid any embarrassment, you quickly wiped your eyes and turned to face Haechan. Taking your hand, he smiled at you gently, making you return his smile.

Pulling your arm close to you, he leaned down and softly kissed your forehead. "There's no need to hide your emotions, love. Cry if you need to."

Feeling overwhelmed by his kind words, you let out a soft cry and buried your face into his shoulder. Haechan rubbed your back gently, giving you comfort until you stopped crying. Pulling away, he held you in his arms for a moment before speaking.

"Are you okay?"

Nodding your head, you smiled at him. "Yeah. I'm sorry, I guess I just got caught up in memories of you."

Smiling widely, he pulled you close to him again. "Well that makes me feel good."

Feeling safe in his arms, you rested your head on his chest, looking up at the blue sky. Listening to the sounds of birds chirping and squirrels playing, you could feel Haechan's heart beating steadily. It was as though the feeling you got from listening to his heartbeat was stronger than the warmth coming from the sun. You tilted your head upwards, looking at him. His cheeks were slightly pink, likely due to his emotions. Lifting your hand, you gently touched his face.

"What are you thinking about?" You whispered.

Giving you a slight smirk, he answered, "You. Of course."

Laughing lightly, you replied, "Is that all?"

Haechan shook his head, holding your gaze. "I'm thinking of all the times we've spent together. All the good times, bad times and everything in between. I've been thinking about the way you brighten my day. The happiness I feel whenever I look at you. That rush of adrenaline that comes from seeing you in my arms. The love that grows deeper every day."

Pausing for a second, he added, "And you make me want to do crazy things."

Closing your eyes, you swallowed hard, knowing what he meant. When you opened your eyes again, you saw Haechan staring deeply into yours. Your breath hitched as you became completely mesmerized by his dark brown eyes. Slowly raising your hand, you slowly traced your fingers along his jawline, moving up to trace his chin and then moving down to touch his lips. Taking a deep breath, you closed the distance between you, meeting his lips in a tender kiss. Looking at each other lovingly, you pressed your bodies together, molding yourselves to each other. With your lips parted, your tongue gently caressed his lips, eliciting a moan from Haechan.

"We should wait until we get home, baby." He whispered against your mouth.

Taking a step back, you sighed sadly. "Yes, but it's going to be hard."

Haechan chuckled and squeezed your hand. "Don't worry. We can hold each other all night long."

Snapping out of your daze, you pulled away and grinned at him. "Promise?"

Hearing your tone, Haechan's expression changed slightly. The affectionate look on his face was replaced with a soft, caring smile. "Of course, Love."

Smiling, you placed your hands on either side of his face, bringing his lips to yours once again. "You're my number one Haechan. Yes, I love the other guys too but I'm always going to love you the most."

Bringing your arms around his neck, you pulled him in close. The rest of the day passed by quickly as you talked about how the rest of your week went, laughed about your stories from college, and shared countless kisses and hugs.

Later that night, you and Haechan laid in his bed talking. He was cuddling with you as you wrapped your legs around his waist. Glancing over at him, you could tell he was struggling with something. So you waited patiently for him to bring it up.

Finally, Haechan spoke up. "Sigh...baby, I've been meaning to ask you something. About us. Us, you know..."

Nervously twirling your fingers, you looked up at him. "Yes?"

Staring into your eyes, he smiled. "How do you feel about all of us living together? You, me, Renjun, Yangyang, Jeno and Jaemin?"

Taken aback, you remained silent for a moment before answering. "Do you really mean that? Like all six of us? For real?"

He nodded, smiling happily. "Absolutely. I want to share my life with all of you."

Laughing, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer to you. "Okay! Well, we'll talk to the other guys tomorrow and figure out a solution."

Smiling, Haechan hugged you tightly. "I love you, Haechan. More than anything."

Smiling back, you kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you too, baby."

Running your hands through his hair, you tugged on it slightly. Leaning down, you brought your lips to his, planting a passionate kiss on his. He returned the kiss eagerly, pulling you close to him. In response, you rolled onto your back, bringing Haechan on top of you. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you smiled as you gazed up at him. He grinned back, running his fingers through your hair.

Reaching down, he undid the buttons on your shirt, peeling them off of you. Laying you down on the bed, he removed his own shirt, tossing it aside. Moving his attention to your pants, he unbuttoned them, sliding them off of you. Next, he slid your panties down, revealing your smooth pussy. He took a deep breath as he reached out to you, touching your wet folds. Moving his hand in small circles, he began fingering you roughly. You moaned loudly, bucking your hips upwards. Unable to control himself, Haechan thrust two fingers inside of you.

"I find it so hot that the others have access to your body." He breathed. "Just imagining them all enjoying you, makes me want to fuck you harder."

"What do you want to do to me when we all move in together? Do you want to fuck me in front of everyone?" You whispered, looking up at him with desire in your eyes.

A wicked grin formed on his face. "If you allow it, I definitely will."

"What if I want everyone to fuck me while you watch? Would you like that, Haechan?" You smirked, wiggling under him.

Smirking, he said, "I would. As long as I could see you being taken by another man, the more I would want to fuck you myself."

Wrapping your legs around his waist, you ran your nails down his back. "Wouldn't you want to fuck me while they fucked me too?"

Kissing you passionately, he responded, "Oh yes. All night long. Over and over again."

Rolling over onto his back, Haechan reached out to you, grabbing your hand. Pulling you next to him, he pulled you into his arms, kissing you deeply. Gazing into your eyes, he whispered, "Do you know how badly I want to fill you up with our cum? To taste all of us mixed together? To make love to you until neither of us can move anymore? I want to experience it all with you, baby."

Leaning in, you placed your lips to his ear, nibbling on it gently. "I want that too, baby."

In response, Haechan gently stroked your hair, his eyes filled with adoration. Kissing your cheek, he whispered, "But until then, let's enjoy us. Right now, I want to explore your body. Slowly taking you to heights you've never imagined possible."

Chuckling, you lifted your hips, positioning his cock near your entrance. Leaning forward, you captured his lips in a passionate kiss, slowly licking his bottom lip. Releasing his lips, you glanced up at him seductively. Gazing back at you, Haechan wrapped his arms around your waist, lifting you onto his throbbing erection. Taking you in his arms, he lowered you down onto him. Feeling the warm, tightness of your pussy surrounding his dick, he let out a moan of pleasure. Slowly moving his hips, you felt him push deeper inside of you. Both of you gasped loudly as he penetrated you fully. Raising his head, he gazed deeply into your eyes, letting out an appreciative sigh.

"God, I missed this." He murmured, kissing you gently.

Looking into his eyes, you moved your lips towards his ear, softly nibbling on it. "I missed you too, Haechan."

Wanting to hear him say it again, you ran your nails down his back. "Baby, I love you so much."

Moving his hips faster, Haechan lifted you higher and pushed you down harder. "Love you too, Baby." He moaned.

Shaking his head, he murmured, "You drive me crazy."

With his hips still moving rapidly, he pulled your hips into his, intensifying your penetration. Your juices glistened across his shaft as he pulled out slightly and plunged back inside of you. You rode him feverishly, moaning softly. Bringing his hands up to your ass, he firmly grabbed it, spreading you wider apart. Holding you there, he drove himself even further inside of you.

Holding you tighter, Haechan growled low in his throat, grinding into you even harder. Your juices dripped down your thighs, leaving behind a trail of your sweet nectar. Groaning, Haechan rocked his hips forwards, causing your hips to bounce violently. Your clit rubbed against his pubic bone, sending a surge of pleasure throughout your body.

"Fuck, baby. I'm gonna cum soon." He groaned. As you continued riding him, his breathing grew ragged.

"Fuck, Haechan. Cum inside of me." You whispered hoarsely, pushing yourself down harder on him. Feeling his balls tightening, Haechan thrust forward, giving you all of his warm, sticky cum. Moaning loudly, you tightened your grip around his shoulders as you came, bathing Haechan's shaft in your fluids. Shuddering with pleasure, you collapse on top of him, feeling him pulse inside of you. Finally catching your breath, you kiss him deeply, savoring the taste of him in your mouth. After laying in his arms for several minutes, he pulls you close to him. Smiling at you, he pulls you into a hug, burying his face in your hair.

"I'm so happy right now." He whispered. "So incredibly, unbelievably happy."

Leaning in, you lightly kissed his forehead. "Me too, Baby. Me too."

Continuing to lie in each other's arms, you stared at the ceiling, both lost in thought. Before long, you fell asleep, cuddled closely to Haechan.

Saturday

The next morning, you and Haechan met the others at a coffee shop nearby campus. While Haechan bought everyone drinks, you sat down at a table to talk.

Once everyone arrived, you cleared your throat, getting everyone's attention. "So Haechan and I discussed it last night and decided that, well, that this is probably the best option. To live together."

All of them looked surprised and confused, except for Haechan. He smirked and crossed his arms, clearly enjoying himself. Smirking right back, you continued, "Now, we obviously need to find a place that will fit all six of us."

Everyone looked around, discussing possible options. It didn't take long before someone suggested moving to one of the group houses. This sparked a debate between everyone. Some liked the idea, others weren't so sure. Finally, after hours of arguing, everyone settled on renting a house together.

While they worked on the details, you ordered more coffee for everyone. Staring off into space, you couldn't help but imagine the future; living with the boys in your own place. You could see yourself cooking dinner for them every night, sitting on the couch watching TV, walking to class together. You pictured how easy it would be to fall asleep next to Haechan every night, waking up in the morning to cuddle.

It made you excited just thinking about it. As much as you loved the closeness you felt with Haechan, having all of them under one roof would be an amazing experience. Plus, having them around you at all times would ensure you never lacked for male companionship. If you wanted to try some sex toys out, you could easily show it to Jeno and Jaemin. Or you could come to Yangyang when you wanted some advice on writing. You could go shopping with Renjun and Haechan or have fun making puns with Jeno. It seemed like the possibilities were endless.

You glanced over at Haechan who was sitting across from you. Smiling at him, you gently stroked his cheek with your thumb.

"Haechan?"

Glancing at you, he asked, "Can I say something?"

Chuckling, you motioned for him to continue. "Go ahead."

After taking another sip of his drink, he stood up and walked towards you. He leaned down, placing a gentle kiss on your lips. "Thank you for doing this. I love you more than anything."

Smiling, you leaned in to give him a small peck on the lips. After pulling away, you said, "I love you too, Baby. And don't forget about how much I love all of you."

Pulling you close, Haechan smiled as he looked at all of the guys. "Thank you all for coming today. This means a lot to both of us. Thank you."

Jaemin cleared his throat, giving you a smile. “If I may add…the past few weeks as your boyfriend has been amazing. I know we’ve all been friends for years. Thanks for allowing me to be one of your boyfriends, Y/N. I might have joined the relationship later compared to the others but I’ve never felt more loved than now. I will give you the world since you deserve it.”

Jeno let out a smile. “I second his feelings. Thank you Y/N for also letting me be your boyfriend. Jaemin and I are the newer ones involved in this relationship but seeing as how everyone seems to accept us easily, I’m glad I came across this opportunity. I promise to always treat you well.”

Yangyang nodded. “Y/N deserves the world. I hope she’ll live happily forever after. Also thanks for giving me the chance to be your boyfriend. I haven’t been feeling so well lately but I think you brighten up my days. You’re always there to cheer me up and comfort me when I need it.”

Renjun rubbed your shoulders gently. “I agree with the rest of them. Thank you Y/N for taking me in. I promise to always protect you, love you, and make you happy. As much as possible, I’ll try to fit you into my busy schedule because you mean the world to me.”

Haechan grabbed your hands, kissing each one of them individually. “Thanks for taking me in as your boyfriend. From the very beginning, you were nothing but nice and understanding towards me. Heck, you didn’t even have to agree to this idea that I put out there. But it meant a lot to me knowing that you would let me into your heart despite my faults. I promise to never disappoint you. I love you so much, Y/N.”

You were touched by their words. Hearing the love in their voices, you could feel yourself blushing. Turning to the others, you gave them all big hugs. After taking a deep breath, you said. "I love you all so much. Now let's get started with finding our new home!"

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sugarpea12345 · 6 months

Text

Remember My Name (Short story inspired by Saintobio)

Hello! This is a little thing I wrote inspired by @saintobio's work. This is directly inspired by they're sincerely yours and sincerely not .

To read and understand this, you must be caught up with sincerely not 's latest chapter (Chapter 8). I would consider this an AU, as I don't know what will happen in the next story. @saintobio 's is heart wrenching, so I had to write my own mini happy ending. Once they update, this whole thing probably won't make much sense lol.

I have received permission from @saintobio to post this

Again, this is directly inspired by @saintobio's work: Sincerely Yours and Sincerely Not.

Word count: 11.8 k

trigger warning: mentions of suicide, mentions of self harm, mentions of cheating, curse words used, angst

_____________________________________________________________

It had been a year since the coparenting arrangement.

Via emails and business calls, you would arrange weekly pick up times. It was strictly professional. The way you wanted it. Right?

Wrong

You knew that you were being selfish. Maybe you always were. Everyone was right. Sera, Eula, Getou, Satoru’s mom, and Satoru. You were a black hole. You pulled people into your problems and destroyed them. You spent so much of your life fighting to be half the woman your mom was. And you could never be. You knew this now

“Mama!”

Bending down, you opened your arms. Hugging him tightly, you thanked the chauffeur for picking him up from school.

“Hi baby! How’s my little star?”

“Good! School finished early?” It was a statement, but you knew he was asking. Why did you take him out of school early? You really didn’t know. This whole day had felt strange. The air felt heavier. Your fingers felt numb. Something was going to happen and you didn’t want to be alone for it.

“What? My star prefers to be with teachers than with me? You’re making mommy sad!” You playfully nuzzled your head against his cheek and dramatically pouted.

“I’ll never let you go to school again! Ha HA HA” You laughed evilly as you stood up and spun him

“Nooo!” He screamed between laughing.

After a good second of smiles and laughter, you finally set him down.

“Baby, I took you out of school because I wanted to spend time with you. Mommy is being selfish, so I won’t do this again. School is very important, ok?”

“Hmm… but mommy isn’t selfish. She’s a good mommy!”

You almost burst out in tears. He was too young to see how awful you were. His innocence and love for you blinded him. He would someday see you for the monster you are.

Allowing silence to fill the room, you stared into his eyes. God, those eyes. Your whole world could be found in them. Ruffling his hair, you grabbed the nearby scarf and wrapped it around him. Like any kid he grumbled at the added layers.

“Let’s go get ice cream and have fun today. Ok, baby?”

“Ice Cream! I love ice cream! My friend always, they always like laugh at me but not like mean laughing. But they say it’s so weird to eat ice cream when its winter. They think it’s funny. I think it’s funny too! Is snow different from ice cream? Because there’s like all this ice cream on the floor because it’s all snow. I just grab some sometimes and it doesn’t taste the same!”

As he got older, he has gotten a lot more talkative. He spoke incoherently and in run on sentences, but you understood him, nonetheless. You listened attentively when he would spend 30 minutes telling you about a funny thing his friend said. You listened when he would explain his entire school day the entire dinner. You listened the whole time.

“Yes baby, ice cream is yummy! I’m glad you and your friends laugh a lot. And no baby, snow is not the same as ice cream. Snow is made from the water on the earther getting colder, becoming clouds, and falling down. Remember I was teaching you about the water cycle? Ice cream is made from milk!”

At the mention of the water cycle, Sachiro excitedly launched into another spiel. He talked about the cycle, reexplaining it to you. He talked about how his teacher says he’s smart and how he got a toy. He talked about how his friends always ask him for help. He talked all the way to the ice cream parlor. As soon as you two ordered your ice cream, you settled down. Listening to him talk about his dreams. You always set your phone on Do Not Disturb whenever you are with him. He loved attention. If for one second you were to look away, he would immediately deflate. He was a carbon copy of his father. Sometimes you contemplated getting rid of your phone for this reason.

You spent the rest of the day chasing him through the park: pretending to be a dragon he fought, teaching him how to do cartwheels, looking for bugs. You took as many pictures as you could. Filming his smile, his voice, his eyes.

The day came to an end, and you carried him on your back to the apartment you were staying in.

After showering him and singing him a song, you finally took your phone off of DND.

Immediately, you were bombarded with millions of messages from everyone. 20 missed calls from Gen. 11 from Ian. 6 from your dad. 120+ text messages in total. 1 from Gojo.

Was everything ok? Please don’t let something be bad. Please. Please everyone be safe. You heart beat increased. You were immediately transported to when you received news of Satoru’s accident. When the world learned about you running out of your wedding. When Satoru’s affair came out to the world. When you first got the calls of your mother’s sickness...

No. I can’t be selfish right now. If something happened, I have to be strong. Swallowing your fears, you opened the message you thought was the most important right now

Satoru: I’m sorry

No no no. He can’t do this again. He can’t! No please God no… You were almost about to call him, when you received another message from Gen. She was incessantly messaging you. Accidentally clicking on it, you read her last message

Gen: Please answer. Are you ok?

Now you were confused. Why was she asking if you were ok? You weren’t the victim. Doing some simple sleuthing, you looked at all the previous messages. Your eyes widened. You heart stopped. Tears filled your eyes. Looking over at Sachi, you took in a shaky breath. You had to be strong. Or at least strong enough to leave the room before you broke down. You had to do this for him. Stop being selfish Y/N

Shakily you walked out of his room. Looking back to make sure he was asleep; you closed the door gently. Before falling to your knees and letting all the tears fall. They pooled in the floor. You made sure to be quiet, but you were inconsolable. You hugged yourself tightly. You were being selfish right now. You knew that. But you were alone, and it was dark. It was ok to be selfish right now. Your heart was racing as you consoled yourself.

After half an hour of crying on the floor. You took a deep breath in and stood up. You went to the bathroom and stared at yourself.

“You need to stop being such a selfish monster, Y/N. You can’t keep ruining people. You can’t always be the victim. You need to make amends for everything you’ve done.”

You started your nightly ritual. Tears would occasionally mix in with cleanser or the water, but you didn’t stop. You had to be normal. You had to be happy. You owed everyone that. Sometimes it felt like you were caged behind your smile. Your joy had become a prison: a way to pay off all the bad things you’ve done.

Settling in bed, you grabbed your phone and responded to almost everyone. Finally, you reached Satoru’s message.

Y/N: No worries! Congratulations! I expect an invitation lol :)

Satoru proposed to Akemi.

(Flash back to a year ago)

After that New York trip, you hated everyone. You hated your dad for pushing you into this marriage. You hated Getou for helping Satoru cheat on you during your marriage, but not understand why you wouldn’t want a baby with Satoru. You hated Satoru’s mom for projecting her self-loathing onto you. You hated your mom for dying.

Above all else, you hated Satoru for what he did to you. He blamed you for a marriage he agreed to. He gaslit you into staying, knowing your selfless nature would do anything for his forgiveness. Even if that meant being a wife to a man in love. You hated him for taking you to the Bora Bora trip. You hated him for choosing your only friend to date. You hated that you had to go through months of emotional neglect and abuse for him to be kind. Just for Akemi to get it immediately. You hated that he became a better person only after using you. You hated him. You HATED him.

A spiteful part of your heart almost laughed. You were right! All the reasons he loved you, he found in her. You saw all the pictures he had of her. You saw the way he would caress her fingers. You saw him waiting for her. He never loved you! You were just convenient. And that’s why he loved her! Because she was convenient. Had you never sent her to meet him, they wouldn’t have fallen in love. If anything, he would be dating the nurse! Gojo Satoru doesn’t love. He just clings on to what’s closest.

You spent a month marinating in these thoughts. In the week where you didn’t have Sachiro, you wouldn’t leave the office. You had begun sleeping there. You lost weight. Your face was pale. You were a walking corpse. You got assistants to pick up and drop off Sachiro. You never spoke to Satoru.

This was to be your life now. After spending three days in the basement of the office creating, cutting, and sowing, Nobara finally convinced you to leave.

“Seriously Y/N, this is the 4th time I’ve had to get you gauze instead of bandages. I know you’re hurt, and I know you’re trying to distract yourself. But this is getting dangerous. Not only for you but for the clothes! We can’t sell anything if it has your blood all over it!” She tried to joke at the end

As you finished wrapping the gauze around your forearm, you pitifully looked at her. She was so young and innovative. Despite being an intern, you had already set aside a permanent spot in the company for her. Stop burdening her with your problems.

Blinking away your sorrowful expression, you laughed. “Guess I gotta wrap myself in gauze and bandages before getting to work right?”

“Or you could just take a break. Jeez, I never thought workaholic millionaires existed.”

Ruffling her head as you walked towards her. “Thank you for waiting for me. You really didn’t have to. I promise, I won’t take advantage of your kindness. Go ahead and go home, I’ll lock up.”

Stunned, she took a second to respond. Your eyes were different right now. They were vulnerable and sad, but they were so kind at the same time.

“It’s no problem! Really! Thank you Y/N. Let’s work hard together.” Bowing, she made her way out of the store. Maybe you were going to get better?

After cleaning up, you placed the small stuffed bear you were working on in your small bag. Locking the store behind you, you headed towards your apartment. You had made the choice to move out. You were so filled with anger all the time. It would kill you if you were to accidentally lash out against the people you treasured. It was a tough conversation, but you needed space.

As you walked, you decided last minute to head into a craft store. You needed a simple heart locket. Then you could gift the toy to your son.

With only one mission and energy drinks fueling you, you almost didn’t notice them. It wasn’t until you heard your son’s gleeful laughter did you perk up. Peering through the aisles, you saw him. No, you saw them. They both held your son’s hands as they looked at the toys. Letting go only when he would rush over to the loudest or brightest thing. Finally, he settled on a small plush. It had no lights and didn’t make any noise. They encouraged him to get something more expensive. Something flashier. But he didn’t. He wanted the light pink bunny.

“It makes me think of mama!”

You saw Satoru and Akemi falter. It seemed that even the mention of your name silenced them. Your heart was beating so loud, you were sure they could hear it too. Leaning down Satoru ruffled his head.

“Aren’t you a sweet little munchkin! Oh, but look at this!”

You heart almost stopped. You saw Satoru redirect Satchiro’s attention to a cooler, bigger toy. As any kid would, he dropped the stuffed bunny and ran towards the huge toy. Gojo and Akemi exchanged relieved expressions. After purchasing the toy, they headed out.

Walking into the aisle, you picked the bunny up. Holding it, you inspected its simplicity. Looking at the face, you realized why the bunny reminded him of you. The bunny had little tear dops in its eyes. Rushing to the cashier, you bought the bunny and the heart locket. It appears that you rushed too fast, as by the time you exited the store, they were still there.

Sachiro, the spoiled child he was, was throwing a tantrum at having to be put in the car seat. As if he could detect your presence, Satoru immediately looked up. He saw you holding the bunny toy. His eyes filled with guilt and embarrassment. He knew that you were going to be upset. Of course you were. You were always angry at something. Nonetheless, he called you over. You were still the mother of his child.

After seeing the domestic moment in the store, you wanted to go up to them and give them a piece of your mind. You wanted to yell at them at the very least. But no, you walked over to them. Refusing to look up.

At the mention of your name Sachiro perked up. Although he was already strapped into the seat, he did his best to peek out of the car door.

“Hi Y/N”. the tension was palpable. Choosing to ignore him, you approached Sachiro.

“Hi my little star! How are you? Did you have fun today?”

“Hi mommy! I missed you! Wanna go home! We did a lot of stuff-hmm mommy what are you holding?”

Remembering you were holding the bunny, you quickly hid it behind you back. “Just work stuff baby. I’m happy to hear you had fun! Mommy has to go, but I’ll see you this Sunday, ok baby?”

Giving him a big kiss, you did your best to hug him and said goodbye.

Without looking up, you thanked Gojo and Akemi and began walking away. As soon as you got home, you set the plush down and pulled out your own. They both looked so ugly in your bandaged hands. Gently setting down the plush bunny, you tightly held onto the bear’s neck. Slowly, the pressure increased, and you were chocking the bear as tears streamed down your face. It was so ugly. This ugly bear in your ugly hands in your ugly home. Everything was so ugly.

A beep from your phone broke you from this trance. It was from Satoru.

Satoru: Hey

Satoru: Just wanted to let you know that we meant no harm in not getting him the bunny.

Then why? Why not get him that stupid toy! Sachiro is my kid! I am his mom! If he wanted that toy, then you should have gotten it! You almost wrote everything you thought. But no- no you were wrong. Sachiro wasn’t yours. Satoru had every right to get his son whatever he wanted. You kept Sachiro away from him for three years. You were the bad guy.

Trembling you came to the realization. Rushing to the bathroom, you stripped yourself of all the clothes and the bandages. You looked at yourself in the mirror. You almost barfed. You were a monster. You were disgusting. Disfigured. Non-human.

Is this how Satoru felt?

The worst part of you were your eyes. They were so dead. Did you always look like this? How could anyone even stand to look at you? You were vile.

You had change. You spiraled into an abyss of anger and resentment. You lost yourself. Where was the sweet girl you once were. Growing a backbone didn’t mean you had to change. After a quick shower filled with tears, you got dressed and headed into the spare room. You spent the rest of the night making a light blue bunny. Unlike the store bought one, this one was smiling. It was happy. Sowing the heart locket onto the chest, you put in a small image of you and Sachiro.

You had to be better. You had to be kind.

Grabbing the phone, you replied.

Y/N: Thank you for reaching out, but really, I didn’t mind!

Y/N: Good night!

The next day, you didn’t go to work. Instead, you were at a café, waiting for someone to show up. You felt awful, but you knew this was the best thing to do. You had to be kind. Even if that meant being a villain. If being evil is the price you pay, then you will gladly pay it. Even more people would hate you. Everyone would. But you knew what you were doing was good. You had to be good.

As soon as he walked in, you knew that he knew. His furrowed brow and tight jaw made it obvious that he was upset. And he had every right to be. Any anger and hate he harbored for you, you would accept.

“Toji, here’s your coffee. I’m so incredibly sorry for calling you at the last minute. I appreciate the time you took out of your day to meet with me”

He didn’t even sit down. He didn’t take the coffee.

Its now or never. Getting on your knees, you placed your hands on the floor and bowed. Your forehead was almost touching the floor.

“Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being a shoulder to lean on. Thank you for letting me join your family. Thank you for everything Toji. And I am so sorry for not giving you an ounce of it back. I am a selfish monster. I took everything you gave me and more. I was never a good fiancé. I wasn’t even a good friend. I took advantage of your loneliness. I will never forget the time we had together. But I ask you to forget about me. You deserve a more honest person. A person who can give you everything you deserve and more.”

People were looking and many taking pictures. Noticing this, he grabbed you by your arm, and headed out of the café. His grip was strong; it was sure to leave a bruise in your forearm, he nearly threw you into the passenger side of the car, slamming the door. He walked over to his side and began driving. The car was silent. You took refuge in it. You knew what he was going to ask. And you had to lie. You had to make him hate you.

Soon enough, he parked in a desolate park. He refused to look at you. You didn’t want to look at him either, but you did. You had to.

After minutes of harrowing silence, he finally spoke in a low voice

“Did you sleep with him?”

You knew he was going to ask this. A tear slid down your cheek. Your hands had begun to bleed as you kept them in closed fists.

“Yes”

He still didn’t look at you.

“Bullshit. You forget that I can see through your lies. I know why you’re doing this. You love him. You never stopped. Even after all the shit he put you through you still want him. Why now? Three years and I wasn’t enough for you. I defend you; I support you... all for what? For you to run back to your abuser. Every time I think your mine, you disrespect me. You humiliate me. You’re doing to me what that fucker did to you.”

“…Yes. I am. That’s why you have to leave me Toji. I can’t stand my reflection. I am so selfish-”

“Shut up. Don’t play the ‘pity me’ card. God, you really are something. The forever victim.”

You stayed quiet. In a perfect world, you would defend yourself. You would tell him that you aren’t trying to be the victim. You never were! You see that now.

“You’re right.”

“All those fucking articles were right about you. I spent so much time, so much energy telling you they were lies. Turns out strangers know you better than I do. You are a two-timing bitch. You are selfish. You’re insatiable. Why couldn’t I have been enough for you. How the hell was I competing with the man who never loved you? And losing! You deserve nothing, you know that… You never left that room, did you?”

“W-what room?”

“That hospital room. Sure, you’re older now. You’ve been to a million places. But mentally? Mentally, you’re still in that hospital room. There is no cure for your loneliness. Face it Y/N, the problem has and always will be you. If you want to die next to your mom, be my guest. But you need to leave that room Y/N. If not for you, for your kid.”

He stayed quiet. It was your turn to speak. He didn’t want to hear you, but his patient nature told him to give you a chance. Not to defend yourself. But rather explain yourself.

“You’re right Toji. I think that’s why I always look for you. You always have the wisest things to say. And I know that. I’ve let the world pass me by. I have a void in my heart and its rotted me from the inside out. I’ll spend my entire life working for your forgiveness. And my lifetime might not be enough for that. You are everything to me. And that’s why I can’t let myself continue to poison you. I’ve changed you for the worst.”

You two sat in silence. You could hear his uneven breath. Reaching out you put hand on his shoulder. For the first time he turned to look at you. And there he saw it. Your eyes.

Red and puffy with tears, your face for once didn’t look as haunted as usual. There was always this air of anger around you. Your shoulders were always tense. Eyebrows always furrowed. Not now. You looked younger. Instead of the anger that had clouded your eyes, he could finally see his reflection.

You didn’t look happy per se, but you looked aware. He looked at the hand on his shoulder. Even after everything he said, you were comforting him? This was the old you. The selfless to a fault Y/N. He couldn’t tell if this was a good or bad thing.

He then noticed the mark on your forearm, already purple. In the shape of his hands. Reaching out he gently caressed the bruises, guilt settling in the pit of his stomach. You grabbed his hand and brought it to your lips.

“Don’t worry about it. I love you Toji. Please, forget me.”

When the news broke out that you had ended your relationship, Ian did his best to remove a lot of the posts. It was hard since there were so many shots of you on the floor begging for forgiveness. If you didn’t look guilty then, now you did. Why else would you be apologizing? But you didn’t mind. Instead, you focused on removing any article that spoke badly on Toji. Especially after some pictures of you and that hand-print bruise were published.

Fortunately, your brand had already been established. And while the coverage halted some planned promotions and runways, by the end of the month everything was normal again.

You changed your phone to a flip phone. You did your best to text Satoru about pick up times. Most often he wouldn’t respond. Instead, you would have to call Miwa. On the rare occasion that he did, you would spend the rest of the day crying. You cried so much. You couldn’t help but remember that way they both held Sachiro’s hands. The domestic life you would never provide for him.

Often you would contemplate if you should have accepted him. Did you really love him? Or was it just easier to love him? You couldn’t trust yourself. Your mind was in ruins. You had no one. Since your change in attitude, people have become nicer to you. But you weren’t happy. And you stopped letting people get close. You even began to push away Gen and Ian. Monthly, you would meet with your dad and that was it.

Was life good? No, but it was better. You would be content if life stayed like this. But now, a year after your failed marriage, Satoru was going to prepare his own.

(Present time)

The day after receiving that message, it was published everywhere. It was the only thing articles were talking about. With the mentions of Satoru’s new marriage, you were put into the spotlight again.

The paparazzi swarmed you. Leaving your house had become difficult. They harassed you. Pushing you while demanding you answer questions. You smiled. You thanked them for their time. You would bid them farewell. It was too dangerous that you could no longer pick your son up. Not that you minded. You didn’t want to see how happy they were. Not until you were done healing at least.

You spent the weekend doing everything Sachiro wanted. Breakfast in bed? Of course. Quick trip to the local festival? Duh. Building a fort? Obviously.

By the time Sunday night came he was so tired. All he asked was that you sing to him before his dad picked him up. Now you sat with Sachiro’s head on your lap. Normally, a bodyguard would meet you at your door and take your son downstairs as to not garner attention.

As soon as the knock came, you gently laid his head on couch. Slowly you opened the door, expecting to see the normal guard.

“Thank- oh. Good evening, Satoru. Are you here to pick up Sachiro?”

He looked past you and saw Sachiro sleeping. Letting himself in, he sat on the couch and petted Sachi’s head. After moments of silence, he finally spoke up.

“Yes, but I also came because I need to talk to you.”

Solemnly, you nodded. “I actually have something to say as well. I was planning to email it later, but if you’re here then we should discuss. Would you like anything?”

Satoru couldn’t help but stare at you. Just a year ago, he had buried the old you. It was his fault he knew that. If you were mean and angry, it was because he made you that way. The damage was irreparable. But here he saw her again. Or at least a glimpse of her.

Even though he didn’t respond, you still handed him a water bottle.

“Did you want to go first?”

“Um, yes. I just... I just wanted to apologize for not letting you know. I was planning on calling you, but I got distracted. I’m sorry you had to learn that way.”

“Silly. We all flub up sometimes. I would have appreciated knowing so that I could explain it to Sachiro. Thank you for apologizing.”

Even though you were smiling, he could tell you were sad. Your eyes were distant. It was like you had detached yourself from everyone. Somehow, he already missed that angry Y/N. At least he knew what you were thinking. Now, it felt like when you two had gotten married. How you smiled every time he yelled at you. He expected you would say the “I don’t care what you do with your life” speech and spitefully kick him out. He could sleep well knowing you hated him. But seeing your smile, it felt like he was cheating again. No. No, you asked for him to forget you. This is good. You’re getting better. But is returning to your selfless self better? That’s when you suffered the most. That’s what changed you.

You didn’t give him much time to think as you started to speak.

“Satoru, can I ask you for a favor?”

He knew what you were going to say. This nice act can’t last forever. This was the angry Y/N he knew.

“Can you take care of Sachiro for a couple of months? I know it’s a lot, but I have some... business to take care of. I would take him with me, but I don’t want to separate you from him anymore than I already have.”

Oh?

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll take care of him. I can’t believe you had to ask. He’s my son, of course I will take care of him.”

His tone had changed. He had gotten angry at the mention of the three years. You didn’t react. You just thanked him.

Gojo enjoyed his week with Sachiro and Akemi. It felt like they had a family. This is what he wanted. Sure, you were Sachiro’s real mom, but Akemi was also kind of like a mom. He noticed how well the two got along. He sought comfort in her and laughed with her. Yes. This is good.

Yet, he couldn’t help but think about you.

Every time Sachiro offered the first bite of his food to him. Every time Sachiro defended the annoying people at the mall. Every time Sachiro smiled, Satoru saw you. Yes, Sachiro looked exactly like him, but everything about him was you. It was all you.

His heart almost broke when he saw Sachiro singing to his stuffed animals.

“Hey munchkin. BedTIME!” He joyfully grabbed Sachiro and swung him around the room. Instead of laughing, Sachiro began to pout.

“No playing at bedtime dada. No”

“Oh, my bad Sachi.” He was a replica of you.

Satoru sat on the bed as Sachiro headed to the bathroom, pulled out his step stool and began cleaning his face. After finishing his regiment, he waddled back into the room and settled himself into bed.

“Is dada going to read me a story?”

“Can I sing to you instead munchkin?”

“Hmmm… no thank you dada.”

“Aww you’re a meanie! Um, but actually I need to talk to you about something serious.”

“Mhmm”

“You like Akemi, right? Dada likes her a lot. But it’s very important that you like her.”

“Yesh! Akemi is nice!”

He knew that this was wrong, but he had to ask. “Do you ever think Akemi could be like momma?”

Immediately tears sprouted from the boy’s eyes. He started frantically grabbing and throwing some of his toys.

“NO! Mommy is Mommy! No one else is mommy! I hate Akemi! I hate her! I want mommy! Mommy!!”

Sachiro was screeching. Gojo was thankful that Akemi was in another room. She really did love Sachiro, and it would have broken her heart to hear him say that.

He held Sachiro close, trying to console him. “Shhh, baby. Daddy didn’t mean that ok? No one will replace mommy. Mommy is all yours.” Sachiro cried until his tears tired him out. No, I can’t tell him. Not today. Maybe Y/N should tell him instead. Sorry Y/N. I’m using your selflessness again.

Soon enough the week ended, and he passed him back to you. Instead of showing up in person, as he did last time, he sent the bodyguards to take him. He was being cowardly, he knew. But he couldn’t risk Sachiro hating him. It’s your fault their relationship is so weak. It should only be right that it’s your job to explain everything to Sachiro. Right?

Satoru: Hey, I tried to tell him about me and Akemi. He didn’t respond very well. Could you explain it to him?

You almost rolled your eyes at the message. You were being punished. You knew that. But you responded with a simple ‘Ok’ anyway.

Switch offs happened at night to make sure that each parent spent the majority of the day with Sachiro. You and Sachiro headed to the bathroom and completed your nightly routine all while dancing and occasionally teasing each other. This is what you lived for. Yes, you were lonely all the time. But you weren’t lonely with him. He was your reason to exist. It was going to hurt you being away from him for so long. But this would be good for everyone. This would be your last act of selflessness. This would atone for every bad thing you did.

By the time you cleaned up all the splashed water, Sachiro was already in bed ready for his song. Instead, you sat on the floor.

“Hey star boy, I need to talk to you. It’s going to be serious, ok?”

As soon as you finished the sentence, he burst into tears. Hugging you close he shook his head in a no motion.

“NO! I hate her! I hate her! She’s not mommy! Mommy is mommy! Mommy is my star and I’m her star! Not Akemi!”

Confused you held him tight. You cooed and brushed his snow-white hair back. “No Akemi won’t replace me baby.”

He pulled away to look up at you. “Daddy asked me! He asked me if Akemi could be mommy! I said no!”

You sighed dejectedly. This is why it didn’t go well. Your son was naturally altruistic. He would have understood and accepted had Gojo explained everything normally. But it seems that Gojo had made a selfish request. Why is it always my job to clear up Satoru’s name? Why can he be selfish and be the victim, but I can’t? No! No, I can’t think that! I’ve been selfish my whole life! Satoru is a victim. This will all be solved soon…

“My star, he didn’t mean it that way. Listen to me Sachiro. Me and you are a family, right? Me and you were also part of Toji’s family. Sometimes, when you love someone, you can add them to your family. Mommy messed up with Toji, and I’m no longer part of their family. But Satoru has someone he loves. Is it ok for her to join our family?”

You had dumped a lot of information on him. It took a second to process everything.

“So, we aren’t family with Toji?”

“I’m not baby. But you will always be, ok. That’s how love works. They love you a lot.”

“Are you and daddy family?”

“Yes, we are. You make us a family.”

“But does mommy love daddy?”

You were stumped. This is probably why Satoru didn’t want this conversation. So, you answered honestly.

“Yes, mommy loves daddy.”

“Then why does daddy love Akemi?”

“Love is strange, baby. Sometimes you love people more. And he loves Akemi more. Is that ok?”

He took a second to think

“I guess…”

“Thank you for being so selfless Sachiro.” You stopped to think. “But if you’re ever not okay, then you have to tell someone, ok? Its ok to be selfish too.” You were just projecting, but you knew it was important for him to hear that too.

“Ok?”

“Speaking of being selfish… Mommy is going away for a couple of months.” As expected, he started bawling. He started kicking and throwing. He was loud. He was angry. He was betrayed

“NO! NO! Mommy can’t go! Mommy can’t leave me! She can’t! I’ll be a good boy I promise! I’ll eat every veggie! I won’t cry anymore! Mommy can’t leave!! It’s Akemi’s fault! Her fault! That’s why mommy cries so much! Its daddy too! Mommy never cried!”

You started crying too. All those times you thought you hid your tears he saw. He saw everything. This was the worst-case scenario. You had to leave. You couldn’t let him see you like that anymore. You had to leave that hospital room. Toji was right.

You held onto him. Even when he began to hit you. Even when he rubbed his snot over you. You waited until he calmed down, Silent tears were streaming down his face.

“Can we go back to New York mommy? I hate it here. Daddy is mean to mommy. Mommy cries all the time. Mommy is lonely and sad while Daddy is happy. It’s not ok.”

You wiped his tears away.

“Sachiro, don’t say that. Mommy is paying the price for being bad. Daddy deserves to be happy. He loves you so so much. Please forget everything bad, Sachiro. Daddy wasn’t mean to me. If he was, I wouldn’t let you stay with him, right? Mommy isn’t lonely. She has you. Mommy will never be sad as long as Sachiro is here. You’re like my superhero! Mommy is struggling and she needs to fix some stuff so she can be a better mommy for you ok, baby? None of this is your fault. I have to go, but I promise you, this will be better for you and for me. I promise with my whole heart. The second I get everything sorted out, I’ll pick you up. This hurts me too, baby. But I need to be a better mommy for you. None of this if your fault. Don’t you ever think that. Hey, to help my little star, I have present for you.”

You stood up and presented him with a white, sleek box. It had beautiful light blue ribbon on it. He held it but refused to open it.

“I even got myself a present so we could match!”

You pulled out your own white box. Seeing that you both had a present, he was more willing to open his. It was a phone. You had a matching one. You really didn’t want another phone, as you were content with the flip phone you already had. It made ignoring all the evil things people said about you a lot easier to manage.

“When mommy’s gone, we can call each other all the time. I’ll respond to every text. I’ll answer every phone call. I promise. I won’t be gone for long. But I’ll text you so much you’ll wish I was.”

This garnered a small giggle from him.

“Don’t worry baby, we have the rest of the week. We’ll do everything you want.”

He nodded glumly. He wasn’t too happy, but he felt a lot better knowing he could reach out to you.

You slept with him. Holding him close, you did your best to treasure these moments.

When Sunday night finally came, you asked Satoru to pick him up personally. This was a big change, even if it was temporary. You wanted Sachiro to be as relaxed as possible. You and him sat on the couch. You had packed a bunch of his valuables and even some pictures so that he wouldn’t feel so lonely. He was again on your lap, fighting to stay awake as you ran your fingers through his hair.

The serene moment was disrupted by the loud knocks coming from the door. Expecting to see Satoru you opened the door, only to see Akemi there. You did your best to keep your smile. It wasn’t that you hated her. No, she was your friend at one point to. But an evil part of you knew you could never forgive her. Not for dating Satoru, but for choosing him over your friendship. You told her everything, but because she never experienced it, she could ignore it. That is selfish. As if you can critique others for being selfish.

You welcome both of them. Sachiro already stood up, holding the blanket closely. He refused to look at his dad or Akemi. His eyes were already brimming with tears.

Bending down to his level, you caress his face. “It’s ok to cry, my star. But before you do, I have a gift for you.”

Reaching behind the couch, you presented him the light blue bunny you had made. His eyes widened and he squealed in joy Running to hug it he struggled opening the locket. One he did, he looked at you with the biggest smile on his face. He ran and hugged your knees.

“Whenever you miss mommy, give that bunny a big hug, and I’ll feel it. Have fun with Daddy. You must be a good boy. Call me whenever you want, but I promise to call you every day. Mommy just needs to get some work done and then everything will be back to normal ok?”

After a couple minutes of holding each other, he finally walked over to where Satoru was. He raised his hands asking to be picked up.

“Thank you, Satoru. Thank you, Akemi. I trust you two will take wonderful care of him.” You bowed at a 90-degree angle.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you leaving?” You hadn’t spoken to Akemi in a while. For a couple months, she stayed employed with you. Yet, after your official break up with Toji, she immediately resigned. You always wondered if she thought you did it because of Satoru.

Smiling gently you respond, “I’m sorry, I can’t say. It’s nothing crazy, I promise! I just need some time.”

“It’s not because of…”

“Goodness no! I know I haven’t been the most supportive. I’ve been downright awful. I hope both of you forgive me for how I acted. It was selfish and attention seeking. I don’t expect any special invitation, but please know that I support this relationship. I’m glad you two found each other. Truly”

Satoru almost flinched at the words you used. The guilt of you actually believing all the nasty things he said to you weighed heavy on him. He almost regretted bringing Akemi here. If she wasn’t, he would have consoled you. Even if it only would have been a hand on your shoulder.

The worst part about hearing you subscribe to all his insults was seeing the honesty behind it. You did think you were a terrible person.

Before either of them could say anything, you started ushering them out.

“You guys must head out now! Sachiro still needs his night routine. He has school tomorrow, and he’s already stayed up so late. If you guys feel like he’s too tired, I don’t mind if he doesn’t go. It’s your call. Thank you both for everything!”

You nearly pushed them out of the apartment. As soon as that door closed, you broke down. This was going to be one of the hardest things you’ve done. But you had to do it.

Nearly two months have passed. Satoru relished every second he had with his son. He has never felt more like a family than he did now. Everything was perfect.

If it weren’t for the bunny he carried everywhere. Or the fact that Sachiro couldn’t do anything without having to send his mom a text. Sending a sleepy blurry selfie was more important than getting dressed. He would facetime you every night before going to sleep. There were times where he even ignored Satoru in lieu of sending you a selfie with a filter on top of it.

Satoru heard and saw more of you now, than he did in the last year.

Even Akemi was getting a little frustrated.

Yet, Satoru wasn’t just frustrated. He felt guilty. Your presence at the house had become so abundant, that he would often stay in Sachiro’s room just to hear you sing. He did his best to mind his business, but in the cases where he saw the silly selfie you would send back. It would plague his mind for the rest of the day.

From the few glimpses he got, he could tell that something was changing. You weren’t in the office, or in any modern building it seemed. You were a lot livelier. You were happier?

How could a mom be happier away from her child? He would nearly scoff out loud at the thought. Maybe this was your way of giving him full custody? No there was no way.

The next day, after sending Sachiro to school, he headed to the office. It was a usual day. He was glad he was able to save the company. He really was going to lose all this over you? No. He loved you. And you didn’t love him. But Akemi did. And his workers needed him.

As he continued working, suddenly Miwa and Nanami both presented themselves. Miwa was always easy to read. She was skittish and nervous. Nanami, on the other hand, was harder to read, but he could tell he was a little unsure as well. “Nanami! Miwa! What bring you in here? I reviewed my schedule already. Is there something I missed?”

Miwa cracked first. “Um... Mr. Gojo, have you been in contact with Ms. Y/N recently?”

“She calls Sachiro nearly every day. Did something happen?”

“Well, have you been in contact in the last hour?”

“Miwa may you please get to the point?”

Nervously, she looked up at Nanami. Sighing and pushing his glasses up, he handed Satoru the iPad. “None of this means anything. And if something did happen, it is not your responsibility. It’s just rather strange.”

Gojo looked over the screen. In big bold letters there it was:

Y/N STEPS DOWN FROM HEARTS COMPANY.

Y/N SELLS OVER A MILLION IN STOCKS

HEARTES INTRODUCES NEW CEO AND CREATIVE DESIGNER

Y/N RESIGNS FROM COMPANY

Y/N’S APARTMENT UP FOR SALE?!

Gojo looked at the headlines frantically. He knew what all this was implying. Yet, he needed verification. He couldn’t fathom the thought that you would have… No there’s no way. You have Sachiro. You wouldn’t do this.

“Um... what exactly does this have to do with me Nanami?”

“It means nothing. It seems that Y/N has done some irrational choices that garnered some attention from the media. That’s all this is. Unfortunately, you know how convoluted your history is with her. Some people might assume that since she’s acting out in such an illogical and hysterical manner, that she may be going through a manic episode. A manic episode that may precede…” Nanami couldn’t finish the sentence.

His heart was beating. No, there’s no way you could be gone. No. No. You made a promise! You promised to return for Sachiro. Right Sachiro. That’s why Gojo is feeling so bothered and anxious. He’s worried for the mother of his child, that’s all.

“I think… I think I’ll head home. If she has been in contact with anyone, it would be my son. Thank you for letting me know.”

As he made his way to the car, he couldn’t help but speed. He needed to make sure you were ok... for the sake of Sachiro.

On the way, he received a phone call from Akemi. Normally, he would have pulled over and answered her. But not today. He drove, breaking most speed laws all the way home. He barely turned his car off as he rushed the door. Yet, as he got to the door, he found a box. It was for Sachiro Gojo. Without hesitation, he looked at the sender’s address in the corner and typed it in. It was a two-hour drive, but he didn’t care. This box didn’t prove anything. You must have sent it days ago. If you had planned to do this all at once that meant only one thing. You were planning to commit. There was no other option. With only this one mission fueling him, he unknowingly kept ignoring Akemi’s calls

After an hour and a half of driving, Gojo started to notice his surroundings. This was an older city. There were multiple shrines and elders. There were very few cars. A lot of cats. This was weird. He continued following the GPS. He passed the city and made his way up the mountainous region. By 5 pm. He had reached an isolated house on top of the hills. The land was relatively flat once he got up there. There was an impressive house. It looked new. The house wasn’t a mansion, but it was still large. The lights in what he assumed the kitchen were on. Hesitantly, he knocked.

Soon enough someone opened the door. No, not someone, you did

There stood you. You looked younger, happier, kinder. Unlike last time, your happiness didn’t feel like a mask. It felt genuine. He couldn’t marinate in his confusion as you grabbed his hand and pulled him in.

“Hi Gojo! I’m shocked to see you here! Come in! Let me get you a lemonade. It must have been a long drive.”

You sat him down on your couch. He couldn’t help but think about that mansion. The one where you were supposed to start and raise a family. This one was a lot cozier, with the architecture of it being rounder in a way. It felt like a cottage despite its massive size. There were a lot of plants. On the walls were framed pictures. Mostly of Sachiro. A lot were ones he’s never seen. There were a lot of selfies of you two. And hidden between all of them was that Disneyland photo. It was when he had amnesia. When he thought you were cheating. Before he knew of all your lies. That instantly ruined his mood.

Placing a coaster, you set his drink down. He couldn’t help but notice that the coasters were made with images of Sachiro’s drawings.

“The lemonade is rather tart since the lemons are homegrown. So, I went ahead and added a bit of sugar. But here’s some more if you like. I don’t know if you still have the same sweet tooth. So, if I put too much sugar, let me know! I’ll get you another cup!” You set down a jar with sugar. You were so talkative. The last time you spoke this much with him was when you were kids.

He didn’t move. Noticing his discomfort, you kept talking. “I was going to call you tomorrow. But I’m glad to see you. Did you come alone?”

“Y/N, I thought you committed suicide.”

You deflated slightly. Somberly you looked around the room. With a gentle smile, you looked at him. It was like you had puppy dog eyes. He could get lost in them. It had been a year since he was attracted to you, but he couldn’t help but want to lean closer to you. To breathe your air. He stopped himself in time

“It all happened kinda fast right? I was hoping that by doing it all at once, it would be like ripping the band aid off, y’know? People are bound to talk, so instead of doing it slowly and reigniting interest in my life every couple of weeks, I thought it would be easier if I just made one big splash and let the water settle from there.”

It felt like he was in a different dimension. You spoke so casually to him. It almost felt like he was the weird one. In disbelief, he stayed quiet.

Taking a deep breath, you continued. “Honestly, I did plan to. To commit suicide, I mean. So, I guess you weren’t completely wrong.”

He stared at you. How you casually admitted to your suicidal ideations.

“What? You can’t be the only one to be suicidal right?” You joked, hoping to ease the tension. It did the exact opposite.

“Y/N I need you to fucking explain everything. No jokes”

Your gaze hardened. “Gojo, you do not disrespect me in my house. I have welcomed you because you are my child’s father, but I will forbid you from coming here again if you speak to me like that again.”

He remained silent but nodded. It was weird. You definitely had grown a backbone since he last saw you in your apartment. Just a couple months ago, you looked like the submissive, docile, doormat you once were. But now? Now you confident and strong without sacrificing your trusting and selfless nature. You were a perfect blend of your youth and your experience.

“This is my way of asking for forgiveness. From everyone. I’ve done a lot of awful things. Since that New York trip, I became vindictive. I became evil. I didn’t know why. How could I be jealous that the man I encouraged to move on moved on? I was changing Satoru. I had thought that being mean and cold was a way to protect myself. But in reality, I had gotten worse. I couldn’t stand my reflection. Then, I saw you Akemi and my star at the store. You remember right? With the pink bunny? You all looked so happy. It was the life Sachiro deserved. I went home and saw myself. Really saw myself. I couldn’t recognize who that person in the mirror was. Since then, I was determined to seek forgiveness from everyone I wronged. My first thought was to kill myself. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to my star. Even now, I find myself fantasizing about just jumping off that cliff… I even planted flowers there so whenever Sachiro visited, he would feel safe. But I can’t. That’s why I have all these photos and drawings of him. If I keep thinking of him, I’ll never have time to contemplate killing myself.”

Gojo couldn’t stop his eyes from watering. He almost reached out to grab your hands. He closed his hands harshly, forcing himself not to move. “But Y/N... you didn’t do anything wrong. I mean, you have done wrong. But we all have. You shouldn’t have to punish yourself for existing.”

Always and empath, you leaned forward and placed a cute octopus squishy in his hands. He quietly accepted it, showing the indents his nails made on palm “You don’t want to accidentally cut yourself. I learned that a little too late.” You laughed gently as you showed him your own palm. There were small scars in the shape of your nails.

Holding the squishy in one hand, he used the other hand to inspect your hand. They were different. It was obvious that you still took care of your hands: soft, supple, perfect nail beds, trimmed nails. But upon further inspection, he could see multiple scars littering your fingers. His gaze drifted upwards to your forearm. There he saw some bigger scars. Some still scabbing. He could feel his own scar throb at the memory of the pain. Gojo couldn’t stop himself as some tears fell out. He couldn’t stop himself from tracing their outline.

“Why- why would you do this? You were alone the whole time? Then why? Y/N I don’t understand you? You were going to…”

He was interrupted by your melodious laughter. You pulled your hand away. “You’re too sweet Gojo. No. No these aren’t what you think they are. It’s just some office mistakes. I jumped into my work to fill that void of loneliness. But you know, it’s pretty dangerous to be handling sharp rotary cutters when you haven’t slept for days.”

Grabbing his hand, you pulled him up. “Let’s go for a walk!”

Leading him to the back door, her couldn’t help but stare at your interlinked hands. The tips of his ears turned pink. He felt so young right now. No. No I can’t think like that.

The back yard was like a Ghibli fantasy forest. It had plenty of lush green plants and flowers growing everywhere. In a corner there was a cute gazebo with two easels ready. One noticibly smaller than the other. There were plenty of trees a reasonable distance from the house. They provided a nice area of shade. Some grew peaches, others grew limes. A stone path led to another corner where a sand pit was already set up. The entire perimeter was protected with a gorgeous white fence. Tall enough that Sachiro wouldn’t be possible to scale it. There was one exit. You headed there still holding Gojo’s hand. Typing in a security code, the door opened, and you headed into the forest. After a 5-minute walk, the forest cleared and presented a cliff side. Undoubtedly it was gorgeous. The ocean was beautiful. Flowers and clovers surrounded the area.

He didn’t realize how much time had passed until he saw that the sun was setting. You let go of his hand and sat down, resting your head on your knees. You always had that curious habit of returning to a fetal position. Settling next to you, he couldn’t stop himself from looking at you. You looked ethereal. With the sun in your face, the wind in your hair. There was a gentle smile playing on your lips as you stared at the ocean.

“Gojo…”

He couldn’t help but squish the little octopus. He didn’t know why it hurt him to hear you call him only by his last name.

“I disagree with what you said earlier. I should be punished for my existence. I’ve done nothing good. Born into a life of luxury, and I still managed to want more… When Toji broke up with me, he told me something very valuable. He told me that I was stuck in my mother’s hospital room. That I never left. And he’s right. Ever since my mom died, I became a walking corpse. I cursed myself with eternal loneliness. And yet, I so wanted to fight that loneliness. So when my father mentioned the marriage, I was ecstatic. Although we haven’t spoken in years and you refused to answer any messages I sent, my loneliness convinced me that you wanted it. I mean technically you did, but you didn’t really want it. I wonder, if I had never accepted that proposal, would you still be with Sera? Would any of this happened?”

The wind filled in for Gojo’s silence.

“My selfishness blinded me. I so badly wanted to be loved that I ignored any sign of resistance. Even when you told me that I would never compare to her, I wanted you to change for me. How pretentious. Had I just given up, then maybe you wouldn’t have thought that you loved me. When you couldn’t vanquish my loneliness, I searched for it in Toji. I abused his friendship just so that I wouldn’t be alone. When I figured out the real reason you married me, the reason you bought that house, the betrayal. That almost killed me Gojo. Imagine that. Even at my lowest I couldn’t stop seeking attention. I put myself over you, as usual. I lied and kept you from your child. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. It was okay that you didn’t love me. As long as you loved our child. But no selfish Y/N strikes again. Then, even though I knew I wasn’t ready, I still accepted when Toji proposed. I’m a monster. Just a year ago, I almost lost it. I was becoming unrecognizable Gojo. I couldn’t look at you and Akemi without getting angry. How was it fair, that I had to go through months of humiliation, which in hindsight, I did deserve, just for her to get the perfect boyfriend. I cried for months before you even held me. The first time we had sex, I had to beg you to kiss me. I hated her and I hated you. But that’s not your fault. Nor is it her’s. It’s mine. If I wasn’t so selfish and I didn’t think you loved me then none of this would have happened. I ruined so many lives because I couldn’t see past myself. If I didn’t use people to fill this abyss I have in my heart, I wouldn’t have caused you to almost commit suicide. I wouldn’t have taken Sera’s boyfriend from her. I wouldn’t have wasted Toji’s time. I wouldn’t have hurt your mom. None of this would have happened. I should have stayed in that hospital room. I should have asked them to bury me with her.”

You were crying now. Your hands shaky as they gripped tighter. You were curling in on yourself, wanting to disappear.

“If I hadn’t been so awful, Sachiro wouldn’t have seen me cry so much.”

Gojo’s heart broke. All those lies. All those insults. You believed them. No. No you weren’t selfish. You were the opposite. You always put other above yourself, even if it hurt you. Of course, you’ve committed your share of sins, but never maliciously. You were too trusting, too eager to please. And to think he didn’t love you? That nearly shattered him. He may have moved on, but the love he had for you was real. Even though he may have forgotten how to love you: even though he may have abused you: even though he didn’t deserve to love you, he has never stopped loving you since you were young.

He reached out a hand to soothe your back as you hiccupped through your gentle tears. You had a special charm that made everything you did look beautiful. But he paused seeing how stunning you were despite the tears on your face. He almost kissed you. But he didn’t. Not because he held himself back, but because he saw your eyes.

As you stared into the ocean, your eyes changed from their vulnerable and kind state to a detached, disconnected gaze. Almost like you were hypnotized by the sea. The waves calling you. It was the same gaze he had when he was suicidal.

“After seeing you at the store, I realized that I needed to atone for my sins. I needed to seek forgiveness. That night was actually the night I realized I needed to commit suicide. Not to ease my own pain, no that’s a selfish reason. I wanted to commit suicide so that everyone’s bad thoughts, everyone’s problems, and every bad thing I did could die with me. If everyone took turns spitting on my grave, I wouldn’t mind. As long as I was no longer causing problems, it would have been worth it. I spent the whole night making a new stuffed animal for him. I cut myself a lot by accident, but I didn’t mind. That was going to be his last gift. My existence is a mistake. Me dying would be a gift to the world.”

“And?”

“And I clearly decided not to. I owe my life to Sachiro. As long as he needs me, I will live for him. I want to die, Gojo. I want to give everyone the life they had before they met me. I want everyone to be happy again. But I can’t. Because I have my little star. I’m evil Gojo. I’m a black hole. I pull people in, only to destroy them. I’m afraid one day I might do that to him too.”

You turned to look at him, tears streaming down your face.

“It kills me to know that one day I’ll hurt him too. But he loves me so much. He fills the void in my heart. I’m not lonely when I’m with him and I know its selfish, but the way he looks at me... The way he looks at me almost makes me think I’m a good person.”

Gojo continued staring at you. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Hearing you talk about yourself this way hurt him immensely. It almost felt like he was drowning. No, you didn’t get better. None of your problems were solved. You just learned to live with them.

You leaned close to Gojo. The honesty in your eyes almost scared him. “Gojo, if you ever notice that Sachiro is suffering being with me, I need you to tell me. The second I start poisoning him, I’ll kill myself.”

The conviction behind your words paralyzed him. You two sat there for a minute. He didn’t know what to say. He knew what this felt like. He knew the exact emotions you were drowning in. But he couldn’t help but think that you were a lot worse. You have begun to hate your entire existence. You had no one. The amount of self-hate you had was shocking.

After a couple minutes of silence, you wiped your tears away. Standing up you offered your hand to him.

Looking at you now, it felt like he was in an alternate dimension. One where he confessed when he was younger. One where he never met Sera. One when he got on a knee and properly proposed. And he almost believed it. Just as he reached to grab your hand, he finally noticed how his phone was ringing. Looking down he saw Akemi’s number. He looked at you apologetically. You smiled kindly and continued to offer your hand. As his bigger hand enveloped yours, he imagined pulling you in close and kissing you in the sunset. Just like the romance novels you loved. As soon as he stood up, though, you released his hand. Walking past him you headed back to you house.

You were giving him privacy. He was at crossroads; stay here and answer the phone or chase after you. All those times he didn’t. Maybe he should this time. No. He’s going to get married. He’s made his choice. And like usual, he didn’t chase after you.

He spent some time with Akemi on the phone. He explained the entire situation to her. He omitted everything you told him, though. That was for him only. He calmed her down and promised he would be home by the end of the night.

Walking back to your house, he smelled the pasta you used to love so much. You only ever cooked it for him once. He saw you humming as you stirred the pasta with the sauce.

“Y/N, I’m going to head out now. Akemi is worried. You should call your family too. They’re probably worried too.”

You turned to him. You looked like a picture-perfect housewife with the apron you had on. You hummed in agreement.

“They already know, but thank you for the suggestion. It was nice seeing you. Would you like some food to take for the trip?”

He should say no. There’s no way to explain leaving work to spend the whole day with your ex-wife to your fiancé. Much less if he brought food with him.

“Sure.”

You packed it into some cute tupperware. It had little duckies on the lids. He just realized how much you changed financially as well. Besides the large house, one would never assume you came from wealth. There was very little name brand stuff. A lot of the decorations were local.

Noticing his curious gaze as you handed the Tupperware to him, you giggled.

“If we see each other again, feel free to ask any questions. We’ve both changed a lot. I hope next time you talk a bit more. I kinda hogged the whole conversation today huh?”

You walked him to the door and waved him goodbye.

He spent the next two hours just re-living that time. Already he missed being in your house. He could already imagine you, him, and Sachiro painting outside or going to the local city for festivals. Despite all the heartbreaking things you told him, all the awful things you thought of yourself, you managed to make a sanctuary. It was always in your nature to find the silver lining in every circumstance. You obviously needed a therapist. But a selfish part of him was glad that he was your confidante. As far as he was concerned, only he knew of how you felt, where you lived, why you did what you did. It was like you were still his.

As soon as he recognized these thoughts, he pulled over. There is no way he can think like that. No that would be unfair to Akemi. He’s already hurt you so much. He pushed you to the point of trauma. He changed you. Even now, the scars of hos he treated you were present. Everything you thought was because he had told you it at one point. No. He couldn’t do all that to Akemi either.

Grabbing the cute Tupperware with the pasta, he almost threw it out.

Instead, he took a second to look at it. It was two big ducks and little baby one. You had used a ribbon to tie some utensils on the top. Everything your hands made had some care and love imbued into it. Opening it, he aggressively ate it all. It was delicious, as expected. While he ate, he started crying. Why? Why did seeing you like that hurt him so much? Why did he use Akemi’s name instead of calling her his fiancé? Why didn’t he hold you as you cried? Why do you use his last name? Why?

He drove home that night. He kissed Akemi before she could even greet him. She immediately melted into the kiss, even if she was still peeved at being ghosted the whole day. He playfully pleaded for her to forgive him. He smiled. He laughed. But for some reason her couldn’t look her in the eyes like he used to. A part of him wished it was you he was holding.

He went to Sachiro’s room. It was messier than usual. He noticed a bunch of crocheted toys he had never seen before. I guess that’s what was in the box. He reached his son, and he stopped to stare at him. Sachiro was holding two things as he slept. The bunny, per usual, but also a note. In big letters Gojo could make out Momma’s Ready! Sachiro was still learning to read, so you hadn’t written much. Still, just seeing those two letters had excited Sachiro so much that he slept with it. On his little tummy laid the phone. Close to dead, Gojo picked it up to charge it. There he saw that Sachiro had been listening to a video you recorded of yourself singing to him. Oh right. Since you had spent the whole evening with Gojo, you couldn’t call Sachiro.

For a reason Gojo couldn’t explain, he sent the video to his own phone. He plugged the phone in and walked out of the room.

Akemi had already headed to their own room. Before Gojo could, he had to organize some stuff.

“Hello, I know its late. I’m just letting you know not to pick up Sachiro tomorrow. I’ll handle the drop off.”

Gojo had to see you. Just for answers. He just wanted you to explain yourself. That’s all

At least that’s what he told himself. But when he slept that night, he dreamt of living in that house with you. He dreamt of cooking breakfast for Sachiro and you. He dreamt of a world where you were his.

#gojo x reader #gojo angst #gojou satoru x reader #oneshot

267 notes · View notes

pablitogavii · 8 days

Note

Could you write one Gavi fic where he's talking to her through social media, just as friends, but he starts to develop feelings for her, his agent finds out and gets really worried about his career if he gets in a relationship, so he "makes" Gavi's mind to get away from the reader (she has abandonment and rejection issues) without a proper explanation, he excuses saying that the reader wants his money and whatever. But some months after the reader moves to Seville and gets really close to Aurora (she knows Aurora is Gavi's sister but Aurora doesn't know her), and one day Aurora takes her to a barca match, and Gavi tries to make up to her?

I guess I'm back y'all lol! I like this idea very much!

y.n.bebe

New York, USA

I think I like this little life...happy birthday to me hehe

liked by pablogavi and others

coments:

brimccormix: happy birthday bebsss

y.n.bebe: thank you gorgeous girl💗

stacymiggs: princesaaa

y.n.bebe: nooo youuu!🥺

brianfereda: happy birthday!

y.n.bebe: thank youu!

pablogavi: pretty girl

y.n.bebe: 😳

When you saw that THE Pablo Gavi called you "pretty girl" for the whole world to see, you couldn't stop staring at that comment for the next two weeks.

Your friends went crazy calling you lucky, and pushing you to send him a message but you were obviously too shy to do that. Besides, who knows how many "pretty girls" he's talking to on the internet.

Meanwhile, Gavi spent all of his free time and training brakes going through your posts and smiling like an idiot at your cute face on his phone screen.

When you first popped up on his screen, he just had to reach out and pray you don't find it cocky on his part. You were just so pretty...

"Sempre con esa nena, cabrón! Dale! Enviale un mensaje!"Pedri hit Gavi's head making him groan and finally get the balls to slide into your DMs. He said a simple "hey pretty girl" before leaving his phone in the locker room to join his teammates.

pablogavi: hey, pretty girl

y.n.bebe: hey😊

And ever since that night, you've started texting, face timing and chatting non stop. You haven't told anyone about it, not wanting to make a drama over something so new and also not wanting him to think fame is what you're after because it's not.

"I'm so tired, nena" Pablo groaned while laying in bed and face timing you as you did your math homework diligently.

"Then go to bed, tonto!" you giggle and he just stayed quiet staring at your face until you looked back at the phone screen and blushed at how intense his gaze was.

"Me gusta cuando hablas Español conmigo, bebé" he smirked making you blush bright red and roll your eyes pretending to be annoyed.

"When do you have training in the morning?" you ask while he yawns.

"Five am" he answers and you open your eyes wide really looking up to him being so diligent about his career.

"Then you really should get some sleep, and we can talk tomorrow again hm?" you ask not really wanting to end the call but also wanting him to get his rest. He always loved how selfless you are and how much you took care of him. It really warmed his hearts.

"I hate it that you're so far! I swear I'm gonna travel to New York and kidnap you and bring you back to Barcelona with me ... and never let you go ..." he said sleepily and you felt your heart jumping thinking about the possibility.

"Hm and if you get bored of me?" you smile and he shakes his head still staring intently at you in the eyes.

"Impossible, my pretty girl..." he said and you smile remembering the very first time you read those words on the screen.

Pablo Gavi was a man of his words, and since that conversation he promised himself that he will surprise you with a travel to Barcelona really soon. He planed everything and mailed you a ticket during his two week vacation.

He still remembers the nerves while standing at the airport waiting at your gate to see your pretty face finally in person. The moment you walked out he recognized you...he couldn't forget the pretty face he stared at through the screen for past four months just now it was real.

"Hi, pretty girl..." he said again and you jumped into his eyes smiling wide and holding onto him tightly. You couldn't believe this was real yet. It just felt like a dream.

"Ready to explore Barcelona conmigo huh?" he said and you smiled and taking his hand nodding and walking to him car with your baggage.

Days passed so quickly and everything was PERFECT. Ice cream dates, walks on the beach, coffee shops and all the infamous tourist attractions...you were falling in love with this city...and you were also falling in love with this boy.

Day before your flight home, Pablo took you to a football game for the Juvenil and you were excited to watch it with him knowing it was his passion.

"So what do you think?" you show him your Barça jersey and he so badly wanted to ask you to wear one with his name on the back but how could he? He still didn't have the balls to ask you to be his official girlfriend!

y.n.bebe

Barcelona, Spain

it's so pretty here 🥺😊

liked by pablogavi, pedri, joaofelix and others

comments:

pablogavi: pretty girl in barcelona 😍

y.n.bebe: hehe😊

brimccormix: girl!!?? spill the TEA!

y.n.bebe: what tea???

lucasmith: looks like someone stole my crush!

y.n.bebe: 😂

"Next time I come, I want to watch you play..." you said while the two of you sat sadly on the airport waiting for your boarding.

"Y/n..." he said looking down as you looked up

"Hm?" you say feeling your heart beating fast from how close your lips were to each other.

"Don't go..."he said and you swore your heart broke when you saw his pleading eyes. Neither of you wanted this distance...it was so unfair but there was nothing you could do about it now.

"Pablo we're friends now and you can visit me in New York..." you said but before you could finish his lips were smashed onto yours to shut you up and you closed your eyes enjoying the sweet sensation of his cold minty lips on your.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend, pretty girl?" he said and in that moment all your past insecurities and abandonment issues returned yelling inside your head. What if you get attached and he disappears like other did? You were so scared but looking at him it was impossible not to agree!

"Yes! I do Pablo..." you say and he kissed you again until they called for your flight to start boarding in five minutes.

114 notes · View notes

f1letters · 1 year

Text

lavender haze | mv1

"I been under scrutiny, you handle it beautifully"

summary: after winning his second championship in another controversial way, max needed her by his side more than ever as the media tried to tear him apart

warning: a little bit of angst for Max, but overall fluff for the couple, swearing, suggestive language, mentions of the championship-deciding races of Abu Dhabi GP 2021 and Japan GP 2022 from Max's point of view, mentions of scrutiny from the media, Jos Verstappen lol

pairing: max verstappen x reader

word count: 2.8k

note: everything in bold are song references and in italic are thoughts, which includes memories from the past. also, I would like to point out that I didn't write this as a personal opinion/critique of Ted or anyone involved in the whole Sky Sports scandal (which is why I didn't use his name or his exact words in the story and why I only used the controversy as a reference/inspiration very loosely), but rather wrote about what I imagine were the thoughts/feelings of people on Max's side (himself, the Red Bull team, Jos, etc), regarding this matter.

dutch words used: schatje = baby; liefje = honey

and we are back! once again, thank you all for being so understanding about me skipping last weekend 💜 I hope you enjoy this little story, as always!

masterlist

Meet me at midnight

Ever since he was just a little boy, all Max dreamed of was being a Formula 1 champion.

To have his name written in the history books. To have his legacy immortalized in the records for eternity.

From then, Max spent all of his hours, days, weeks, months and years preparing for it. He gave all of his blood, sweat and tears for it.

For that exact moment: when he stood right there in Japan, tall and proud, with his trophy in hand, after being announced World Champion for the 2nd time.

Lying in bed that night, staring at the ceiling next to his girlfriend, the driver could still feel the euphoria coursing through his veins.

He couldn't believe how lucky he was to be in that position.

He had everything he could ever want: his biggest dream came true twice, he had a successful career that so many envied, and most of all, he had the best person in the world by his side.

At the end of the day, it didn't matter all the money, the victories, the parties, the luxury if he couldn't have her there in his arms.

Y/N was everything to him, and he knew that the championship victory was as much hers as his.

Max let his hand run through the shiny strands of his partner's hair, the warm skin of their bodies pressed together, while Y/N drew random figures with her soft fingers across the man's toned chest.

The couple remained in each other's arms, not saying too much, both still over the moon and completely in awe from the unforgettable day they just had.

"I'm so proud of you, my love." Y/N broke the silence installed in the hotel room, whispering her words. "You can't imagine how happy I am for you."

Staring at the ceiling with you

Oh, you don't ever say too much

And you don't really read into

My melancholia

Max half smirked with his eyes half closed as sleep began to creep in.

With his eyes locked on the girl before him, the boy tucked the hair that covered her face behind her ear and stayed like that for a few minutes. Just living in the moment, letting her words sink in, appreciating what life had given him.

"Thanks, schatje. For everything." He placed a soft kiss on her forehead, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand. "I'm completely crazy about you, you know that?"

Y/N laughed shyly, moving her body even closer to her boyfriend's, laying down on his chest. "Stop, Max! You know I get all embarrassed when you start saying stuff like that."

"You stop! I'm just telling the truth!" Their laughter filled the room in pure harmony. Max stopped, returning to his moment of gratitude. "I just love you. So much, Y/N. This is all thanks to you."

"This is all thanks to your talent, baby." The young woman rested her cheek against the driver's bare shoulder. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Y/N knew that Max would immediately understand what she was trying to say.

The girl couldn't help but fear that the Dutchman would let all the scrutiny behind yet another championship win bring him down.

Max had a whole facade around him. Max appeared to be confident, poised, collected, unfazed by all adversity, and sometimes even self-centred and arrogant because of his posture on the track.

But deep down, Max was nothing but a fragile little boy, still trying to seek his father's approval.

Max was obsessed with perfection. Everything he had to do had to be absolutely spot on: every corner had to be perfectly executed, his car had to be at its best at all times, any position other than the first one was simply not good enough.

Knowing him better than anyone, Y/N knew how to handle him beautifully and knew that in the back of Max's mind, the fact that this was yet another victory tainted by controversy was tormenting him, even if he tried to hide it.

I've been under scrutiny

You handle it beautifully

All this shit is new to me

Both of them could only imagine all the headlines, the comments, the criticism. All because of a loophole that was never under the driver's control.

"Don't worry about me." Max answered the unspoken question the girl posed. "I don't give a damn what people say."

The harsh words that came out of his mouth seemed to be an attempt to convince himself more than her. They both knew that.

It had been almost a year since the boy had been named champion for the first time and yet to that day he still suffered attacks due to something that (once again) was not in his power to change.

Y/N didn't push, knowing the argument was going nowhere, and instead chose to joke with her boyfriend to lighten the mood. "Well, I don't know if you know this... but you look so much hotter as a two-time world champion."

Happiness filled Max's chest as he chuckled, turning their position so that his body was on top of hers. His lips roamed over her neck, leaving soft kisses and nibbles along the way, until he strayed away to deposit an intense and passionate kiss on her mouth.

His head lifted slightly, creating enough distance between them for him to speak, though their lips were still touching. "What if I showed again how it feels like to fuck a two-time world champion, hmm?"

I feel a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want for me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

Two weeks passed until the next race, the couple trapped in their lavender haze.

The Texas sun cut through the clouds in the sky and reflected warmly on the girl's skin as she entered the circuit, side by side with Carola.

Both friends over the last few years since they met in the Red Bull garage through their partners, the young women understood each other perfectly: both were reserved, with no great desire for attention on them, just there to support their lovers.

As always, a peaceful and relaxed conversation was taking place between the two, as they strolled around the paddock with smiles on their faces.

Carola told Y/N all about the latest incident at the Perez house, with the small sibling clashes between Checo Jr. and Carlota, and the other girl just laughed. She knew how happy those children made her friend and she couldn't wish anything else for Carola.

Suddenly the mood around them seemed to change.

The environment that before was serene, relaxed, and enthusiastic now gave off a heavy, tense, nervous energy.

Y/N started looking into the faces of the people they passed for answers, aware that they were looking at her. What the fuck is going on, she thought to herself.

Carola sensed the discomfort on her friend, placing a concerned hand on the girl's shoulder. "Y/N, are you okay?"

"Well, I'd like to know the answer to that question too," Y/N confessed without too much thought. "I don't know, honestly. I have a feeling something is wrong."

"Maybe it's nothing," The Mexican tried to calm her down, running her hand up and down along her friend's forearm, although she was aware of the gazes in their direction too. "We're almost at the garage and we'll clear everything up."

Walking through the navy blue walls, the tension only intensified in the air.

The faces of the team members showed worry and nervousness, and the PR team rushing back and forth relentlessly was a sign that something had gone wrong during the drivers' media duties following their practice session.

Knowing Max like the back of her hand... Y/N knew it was him.

All they keep asking me

Is if I'm gonna be your bride

The only kind of girl they see

Is a one-night or a wife

"Hey, where's Max?" Y/N asked her father-in-law, Jos, who wore an angry look on his face. Although their relationship was distant, she knew that if anyone was aware of everything that was going on in her boyfriend's career, it was his father.

"Would also like to know." The man replied dryly, running a hand impatiently through his hair. "He just walked out of here like a fucking coward, and left the others here to sort out his shit."

Y/N swallowed hard, knowing it wasn't worth wasting time trying to defend Max as all the words she would say would go in one ear and out the other. "What happened?"

"That shitty reporter, that's what happened." The older Verstappen replied, raising his tone. "That bastard had the nerve to say on live TV that Max didn't deserve any of his titles, and he panicked like a pussy. I didn't raise him like that - I raised him to be a man, not a little boy."

Without a second thought, Y/N turned her back on the man and grabbed her phone, trying to call her partner, only for her call to go to voicemail.

Unconsciously, the girl opened her Instagram and immediately came across the reporter's now-viral video.

"He doesn't seem to be capable of winning a championship without some sort of scandal. First, Hamilton was obviously ripped off in Abu Dhabi; now, they award full points in a race that wasn't even half finished because of some apparent 'loophole'?! Favouritism at its best."

All of a sudden, the air seemed to have difficulty getting into the girl's lungs, the temperature seemed to have risen dramatically, and Y/N started to feel dizzy as the media started to bring up Max's history.

Max, where are you, she asked herself, begging for a sign of his presence.

I find it dizzying

They're bringing up my history

But you aren't even listening

Y/N looked everywhere: in the garage, in his driver's room, in all the different rooms in the motorhome, in the back of the building, in the cafeteria, everywhere.

She was starting to run out of options, but she knew he had to be around somewhere since his exit from the circuit would not be discreet at all, quite the contrary.

If I were Max where would I hide from the world, she reflected, desperate to be reunited with her boyfriend. Of course! In the place where everyone least expected to find him.

With a hurried step and depositing complete confidence in this last and risky idea, Y/N set off on her way until she came face to face with the red walls, embellished with the Prancing Horse symbol.

Deviating towards the back of the Ferrari building, Y/N felt her heart return to its normal rhythm when she set her eyes on the image of his lover.

There he was, sitting on the grass, with his vision pointed to the sky, so small and so fragile that no one else would be able to see him hiding there.

The girl slowly approached the driver, almost afraid to startle him, until he eventually noticed her presence when she was only a few inches away from him. His shoulders visibly relaxed at the sight of his girlfriend, and a small, forced smile appeared on his face.

"Of course you found me," Max whispered, placing his hand on the girl's thigh, who was now sitting on the grass next to him. "I guess you already know what happened."

Y/N laid her head on his shoulder, hugging his strong arm. "Yeah, I saw it... I'm sorry Max, you don't deserve this."

I feel a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want for me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

That lavender haze

"I don't really care," Max spoke, shaking his head. "Let them say what they want. It doesn't matter to me."

"Baby…" The young woman knew that he was doing what he always did: bottling it up inside, hiding his feelings, just like he was taught to do his whole life.

"Liefje, don't worry. I'm fine, I promise."

"Max, stop doing this." Y/N touched his face, forcing him to look at her with his noticeably teary eyes.

"Y/N-"

"Max, please." The girl begged. "You don't have to pretend to be strong with me. You can be honest; you can scream, cry, freak out, you name it, and I'll always be here to listen."

The Dutchman took a deep breath in acceptance, leaning his head back against the red wall. "I'm just tired, you know? I try and try to do my best at all times and it's never enough. Not for the media, not for my dad, or-"

"For me, it's more than enough." The girlfriend interrupted. "And it should be enough for you too. You shouldn't care what others say… Especially your father." She teased, forcing a laugh out of Max's mouth.

The boy contemplated her words for a few seconds, placing a kiss on her temple. "I love you, you're the best."

"I know," She replied, bumping his shoulder playfully. "But I'm serious, Max. No one should have enough power over you that they can make you feel inferior, or less than you are. You are Max fucking Verstappen, two-time Formula 1 world champion. And so much more to come, I don't doubt it for a second."

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

The girl jumped to her feet, waking the driver from his own thoughts, and reached out to him with both her hands to help him get up on his feet too. "Come on, champ! Enough sulking here and let's face the world with our heads held high, shall we?"

Much calmer after getting it off his chest, Max looked at her with eyes shining with pride and, accepting her help, he got up. Instantly, his arms found their place around her waist, as did his lips on hers.

The couple shared a calm kiss, enjoying their moment of peace in the midst of such a chaotic situation.

"Thanks, schatje." Max said, returning his mouth to hers seconds later. "I can never thank you enough for everything you've done and do for me every day."

"I would do anything for you, baby." Y/N smiled wide, the dimples in her cheeks becoming noticeable. "Anything."

I feel a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want for me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

On their way to the Red Bull garage, the two reappeared in the paddock, hand in hand, eyes only on each other.

With them, dozens of photographers and journalists emerged from the shadows, hunting the Dutchman for his comments and trying to get controversial headlines for their next articles.

But from Max, they only managed to take away the magical smile he had stamped on his face while talking to his girlfriend.

It was almost as if nothing had happened to him, such was the confident and determined posture the driver now assumed.

There was nothing like a good dose of love to make someone feel on top of the world, and Max was living proof of that in front of all those prying eyes.

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

That lavender haze

I just wanna stay

The world could crumble around them and they would still manage to stay on their feet.

They were a team. They had the perfect balance between them, the strength to face any obstacle together. Like two separate souls born to be reunited, in this life and all lives to come. Born to be on their lavender haze forever.

"Just you and me, liefje." Max whispered so only she could hear over the screams and camera flashes.

Y/N pulled him by the arm closer to her body in search of the comfort he conveyed to her every time, and smiled discreetly at him.

"You and me against the world, my love."

I just wanna stay

In that lavender haze

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