#and it needs to be a fundamental part of the human psyche

[bludpudding]

morpheus getting mad at the corinthian for having individualistic thoughts and emotions and ambitions is batshit considering he was the one who gave corinthian the ability to consume human emotions in the first place. WHY even give him that power unless you wanted him to do it in the first place. bitch

#it’s like dream was sitting on his throne one day and went hm. #I need something to hate #and it needs to be a fundamental part of the human psyche #what the fuck are you talking about #go pet a cat #the sandman #the corinthian #dc comics #my posts

[dutchdread]

A small rant

I've noticed that a lot of places that discuss the LTD are less focussed on analyzing and explaining final fantasy VII, and more focussed on throwing insults at either the characters, or the people who support them. I think I've done a fairly good job at making sure this place stays relatively matter-of-fact, and despite believing that "Cloti" is the only interpretation of the story that makes sense I am usually pretty positive about Aerith as a person, and more importantly, as a character. My stance tends to be that the only version of Aerith I think is fundamentally unlikable is the one presented by Cleriths. So permit me to slightly backtrack on that as I ask:

Am I the only one getting sick of Aeriths character?

And I don't mean "the only Cloti supporter who is sick of Aerith", I mean isn't the general fanbase of the game getting sick of her?

I ask this because I was watching the new Rebirth trailer, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes during the scenes where Aerith sings, or where it tries to survival-bait the viewer. In FFVII Aeriths death plays only a small part in the grand scheme of things. It neither prevents nor causes holy, holy was summoned before she died and is actually held back by the will of Sephiroth, which is the bulk of the external plot. And it doesn't cause Clouds mental break, which was an inevitable outcome of his history with Tifa, Sephiroth, and Nibleheim.

So why does the trailer make it feel like Final Fantasy VII is the story of Aeriths potential death? I thought the point of Aeriths death was that it comes suddenly and unexpectedly, without a large fan-fare, leaving nothing but a hole in its wake. I thought the point was to show a death that wasn't like "in hollywood". So why does her death now get it's own musical accompaniment and stage play?

Aerith was once a normal girl with a big destiny, one that she was as unsure of as any of us, she was just a person, just like us, with maybe a hint of something more. She got angry, she could be petty, she could be clueless. In another words, she was human.

But what is she now?

Aerith is now Jesus and Mary all in one. Fans got so upset at her death that Square-enix felt the need to include her in everything and every time Aerith became a bit less human, and a bit more idolized, until in remake she became a walking, talking, deus ex machina. In advent children she was presented as almost angelic, giving guidance to lost souls both good and bad and healing the children. But it was still ok because most of it was centered around Clouds psyche. The problem isn't with Aeriths death having importance to Cloud. The problem is square-enix trying to milk Aeriths death for all it's worth, making it into a soulless spectacle.

Aeriths death is now the horror monster that loses its terror once you see it. It's everywhere and everything has to revolve around it and because of it it's no longer a good story, but cheap emotional manipulation.

Within the remake Aerith is no longer the playful and innocent GIRL she once was. She's Gandalf the white, come back from the dead to pass down quests and wisdom from up on high. Step aside Cloud, this is Aeriths story, all you other side-characters are only here for back-up. Aerith is now a self-insert fan-fiction character. She has no flaws, everyone loves her, her death is more important than those of other people, the universe, time, and destiny will all bend to make sure the Mary-godessue doesn't die. Because everything has to revolve around her you know? So yeah, of course Aerith can sing! Who cares that there was never before any indication of this. Sure, Tifa will probably get to play the piano, but here is the thing….Tifa being able to play the piano has actually always been a part of the game! Since when is Aerith suddenly a broadway performer? Probably since the same time that she became a picasso at random wall art.

Years of fan obsession have deified away everything that once made Aerith interesting. The grand story of Final Fantasy VII, the quest to save the planet, and the internal heroes journey about accepting the past and the true self. Clouds backstory and struggles, it's all overshadowed by the once irrelevant plotpoint of "will Aerith die?".

Like with Sephiroth, fan obsession has caused square-enix to destroy all sense of mystery, magic, and restraint in order to "give fans what they want", even if it ruins the product.

While I think the cheap spectacle of hyper focussing the marketing and potentially early game around Aeriths death have already essentially poisoned the remake, making it into a mere shadow of what it could have been, I still believe that Square-enix has enough integrity left to actually kill her and move focus back on what actually matters. But I have to say, at this point it's not even just because I want the story of FFVII to be protected and experienced as it should be. But also because I am just getting sick and tired of what Aerith has become, and would now consider Sephiroth stabbing her as a mercy killing for what's left of her character.

#ffviii #ffvii remake #aerith gainsborough #rant #square enix

[wordsinhaled]

TOM LITERALLY SAYS in an interview with Nei nodding at his side that Dream isn't emotionless it's the opposite he feels SO MUCH and ALL THE TIME and suppressing emotions (tom says pushing it down into his stomach, specifically) is the only way he knows how to not be overwhelmed by them

our emo blorbo is EMOtional

and I think that's part of why he's so fascinated by Hob and why Death's wisdom hits him so hard and it probably affects his relationship with Despair and Desire out of jealousy because these are all people who are allowed to feel things and he isn't allowed to feel things because things in the universe could go Very Very Wrong if he does

listen. listen. THANK YOU ANON

dream of the endless is literally swimming in all the emotions all the time. his emotions. other people’s. his own dreams. other people’s. EVERYONE’S. everyone’s dreams, wishes, fantasies, daydreams. everyone’s unfulfilled potential. everyone’s creativity. everyone’s nostalgia. and yes, everyone’s desire too because what are dreams if not desires not yet substantiated?

then expand that also to EVERY LIVING THING THAT CAN DREAM. not just every single human. every animal. alien life forms??? plants??? maybe even little acorns envisioning becoming towering oak trees one day. he carries the dreams of atoms that will one day be stars and suns and universes not yet created

then also, the repressed, suppressed desires in himself; his own longings and visions and dreams that he tries to leave dispossessed but it’s IMPOSSIBLE to vacate himself. and he cares for every single dreamer, every one of his creations, knows their innermost workings and is so fiercely dedicated to the purpose of stewarding them through the dreaming that he twists all his own needs and wants and dreams down really small and tries to pretend he doesn’t have them at all

being in burgess’ cage, that isolation, being torn from the dreaming like that. ripped away from all the dreamers. ripped away from his realm. RIPPED AWAY FROM HIMSELF because he IS the dreaming. the trauma of that. the metaphor for trauma in that - to be cut off fundamentally from the core parts of yourself, from your essence by a traumatic experience, is exactly on point for how PTSD and trauma ravage the psyche

and even after all this. dream is brimming with emotions, overflowing with them. he pushes them back and back and he’s always on the verge of tears, always so overfull with compassion that it probably even hurts. always on the verge of being overcome if he only lets himself. passionate, feeling his emotions with all of himself, because he IS in some way everyone’s emotions including his own. he is all the needs, all the unrealized, deeply emotional messages dreamers process in dreams that form their schemas

to call dream of the endless cold!!!!!

this man is the entire suit of cups trying to strongarm itself into the suit of swords and it RUINS MY LIFE

#the sandman #dream of the endless #TAKE HIM TO THERAPY SO HE’LL LET HOB LOVE HIM THE WAY HE WANTS AND NEEDS

[ancientcraftnoccultism]

Beginner Class - Shadow Work 101

Ancient Craft & Occultism

Shadow Work 101

___

By KB

Introduction

Hello again, everyone! Welcome back to class ♡ Now that we've gone over in more detail about our personal energy - let's discuss something that is often forced upon beginner's, especially within New Age circles. You guessed it, shadow work. First and foremost, shadow work is not mandatory in order for you to be a practitioner or a witch. Let's take a closer look into this term.

What Is Shadow Work?

In essence, shadow work is a type of emotional therapy. Traumatic events in our lives inevitably leave us with emotional scars. As a result, we frequently try to repress these feelings since they make us feel uneasy, apprehensive, and panicked. Every time these emotions are provoked, we push them to the back of our minds as a type of emotional self-defense. The issue with this coping method is that by keeping our trauma hidden, we are not healing from it; instead, it simmers inside of us and will eventually appear physically. Numerous things, such as physical disease, worry, panic attacks, mental illnesses, and self-harm, might manifest this.

The term "shadow" was initially used by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung to refer to those facets of our personalities that we actively choose to suppress and reject. We all have aspects of ourselves that we don't like for various reasons, or that we believe society won't like, so we push those aspects down into our unconscious psyches. Jung referred to this group of suppressed facets of our personality as our shadow self.

“The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.” - Carl Jung 1951

What Is The Shadow?

The shadow is made up of everything we reject about ourselves, including everything we consider to be bad, evil, or unacceptable. This dark side is everything that conflicts with our conscious attitude that we have decided about ourselves. The disowned self is the individual shadow. This shadow self stands in for the aspects of ourselves that we no longer identify as being our own, including our innate virtues.

These unexplored or rejected facets of our personalities remain. We try to cast them out by denying them, but we are unable to do so. They are a part of our unconscious that we suppress. Consider whatever we are not aware of as belonging to our unconscious. The shadow won't go away. It remains with us as our dark sibling. When we fail to recognize it, trouble results. For sure, it is standing just behind us at that point.

Every young child is aware of compassion, kindness, and love, but he also exhibits rage, egotism, and avarice. These feelings are a component of our common humanity. But something changes as we mature. The characteristics of "being good" are accepted, whilst the characteristics of "being bad" are disapproved of. All humans have fundamental necessities. These needs include those for physical well-being, security and safety, and belonging. These innate and biological demands must be met.

When we were kids, our surroundings gave us cues when we displayed certain aspects of ourselves. Perhaps we had a tantrum out of rage. After the incident, our parents chastised us and sent us to our room. Or perhaps in our first-grade classroom, we were brave, lively, impromptu, or silly. In front of the class, our teacher called us to task for acting impolitely and ordered us to sit down. Every time that happened—and it may have happened frequently—it put one of our fundamental requirements in danger. We learned to adapt to the outside world and changed our conduct to suit our needs. In the first 20 years of our lives, all of the aspects of us that have been rejected or discouraged are collected and hidden.

Can I Just Ignore My Shadow?

Sure, you can, but only at your own risk. I’m sure you’re familiar with the story of Dr. Jeckell & Mr. Hyde… not only that, it causes our perception of reality to be distorted. We recognize in others the qualities we reject in ourselves. Psychologists refer to this as projection. Everything we buried within us, we project onto others. It's a safe probability that you haven't acknowledged your own rudeness if, for instance, you become annoyed when someone is disrespectful to you. This does not imply that they are not being impolite to you. But you wouldn't mind someone else being rude as much if rudeness wasn't in your shadow self.

This procedure doesn't involve conscious thought. Our predictions are unknown to us. This defense mechanism is used by our egos to protect how they see themselves. We are prevented from engaging with our shadow by our false identities as "good" people. These psychological projections skew reality, separating how we perceive ourselves from how we act in the world.

Benefits of Shadow Work

Who appreciates being honest about their flaws, weaknesses, selfishness, nasty behavior, hatred, etc.? It is more pleasurable and affirming to concentrate on our strengths. However, exploring our shadow side offers us a ton of chances for improvement. Let's look at a few ways that this work can be useful to us.

Better Personal Relationships

You have a clearer understanding of yourself when you embrace your darker side and come to terms with it. You develop into a more solid, complete person. It is simpler to tolerate the shadow in people when you can accept your own darker sides. As a result, you won't be as easily triggered by other people's actions. You'll also find it simpler to interact with other people.

Clear Perception

You'll have a clearer lens through which to perceive the world if you accept everyone as they are, including yourself. You're becoming closer to your actual self as you integrate your shadow self, which helps you make a more accurate judgment of who you are. You won't think of yourself as being excessively large or little. You can more effectively gauge your environment when you are self-aware.

Better Health

It is exhausting to drag this unseen bag of things behind us. Repressing and suppressing all the aspects of ourselves that we don't want to confront as adults is tough effort. The unstudied life can be plagued with fatigue and sluggishness. Physical discomfort and disease can also result from mental suppression. With Jungian shadow work, you can unknowingly release a huge reserve of energy that you were using to defend yourself. Your physical, mental, and emotional well-being can all be enhanced by this. You can become more balanced and develop inner strength through shadow work, which will prepare you for life's obstacles.

Unleash Creativity

Jungian shadow work enhances your creative potential, which is one of its major advantages. According to psychologists like Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers, creativity occurs spontaneously in those who are psychologically well (integrated).

Tips for Beginning

Shadow work can be very intimidating for a lot of us. We don't want to have to reopen old wounds in order to allow then to heal properly. However, there are some ways to make this process a bit easier.

Centering Yourself

Perhaps the most crucial action to take before beginning a shadow job is this. Yet, working with the shadow is seldom ever acknowledged in literature. You won't get useful results if you try to understand your shadow self while you're not grounded in your Self. The shadow stands for a collection of numerous elements that are concealed within your psyche. You can only learn about these areas by starting from your center. One of these components will take control of the process if it is "blended" with you. You'll be judgmental, harsh, or perplexed. Your capacity to integrate your shadow will be hampered by this. Be a peaceful, clear, and neutral area before you start working with your shadow.

Be Kind To Yourself

It is beneficial to develop an unconditional sense of friendship with oneself before getting to know your shadow. Its name in Buddhism is Maitri. To examine our darker aspects requires friendship and self-compassion, which can be challenging. It is challenging to face your shadow if you are harsh on yourself when you err. If you frequently experience guilt or shame, you must learn to transform these feelings into friendliness, self-acceptance, and self-compassion. Begin by acknowledging your own humanity. Keep in mind that we are all shadows in each other's soup, as Jung used to say.

Be Courageous & Honest

Shadow work requires integrity and self-honesty. It's simple to give lip service to these virtues, but real self-honesty requires being open to recognizing our negative traits in our actions and personalities. The ego spends a lot of energy suppressing your disowned portions since it is frequently uncomfortable to do so. It can be difficult to acknowledge and embrace your oppressive bad aspects and insecure selfishness. It takes bravery to examine your attitudes, behaviors, troubled ideas, and negative feelings.

Keep a Record

The desire of some of our disowned portions to remain hidden from view fascinates me. Our disowned portions can elude us, much like how a dream might vanish from memory right after you wake up. A cure is to keep a writing notebook where you can chronicle your self-discoveries. It is easier to encode the discovery into your awareness when you write down your insights and review them afterwards.

Beginning Shadow Work

Discover False Beliefs

We typically aren't aware that we are suppressing anything when we learn to hide some aspects of ourselves from others in order to please our parents, blend in with our friends, or perform well in school. We simply believe that we are being nice, useful humans. Then something sets us off.

Honor Your Feelings

Your emotions serve as a warning system for any subconsciously held resistance, myths, or emotional scars. It's critical to identify these emotions because, like to your automobile issue, subconscious problems may prevent spells from working. Never suppress your feelings or blame yourself for having them. That will simply deepen your emotional traumas and erroneous notions in your subconscious and make you feel worse.

Heal

Your pain can be healed now that you've found its source. Don't forget that the goal isn't to control your emotions. Your feelings are your subconscious trying to tell you something, and these messages are important! Changing your tale to something more positive can allow you to manage your reactions.

#elder witch #baby witch #witchblr #beginner witch #witchcraft #dark witchcraft #astrology #tarot #aesthetic #divination

[patchwork-crow-writes]

Thoughts on Kris x Ralsei, continued

(this is a continuation of my first post on this subject, creatively titled Thoughts on Kris x Ralsei. The parts all build upon each other, so it's best to read from the beginning. Here's a little TOC so you can get up to speed:

Part 1: And They Lived Happily Ever After Part 1.5: I Believe Your Choices DO Matter Part 2: A Pair of Star-Cross'd Lovers <- (You Are Here!) Part 2.5: In Another World, We Could Have Been (Just) Friends (Future parts to be added as they are written))

(Please be aware that this series will go over topics including coercion, non-consentual romance, and an observation pertaining to potential incestual undertones. If any of this makes you uncomfortable in any way, please proceed with caution. Thank you)

Part 2: A Pair of Star-Cross'd Lovers

Kris Dreemurr is doomed the instant the player assumes control of them.

If Undertale is a game about how your choices can affect the world, then Deltarune is about how sometimes, your choices mean absolutely nothing. Fate grinds on, irrespective of your wishes. Onward you march, towards your ultimate destiny.

This concept features heavilly in a lot of RPGs - the idea that the protagonist is the "chosen one" who will save the world, which due to the constrains of narrative and gaming, is what ends up happening 95% of the time. Much like the Knight and Princess dynamic I discussed in the previous part, this trope is so heavily ingrained in the gaming psyche that we do tend to accept it when it happens,as part and parcel of the RPG experience.

This very familiar setup is where Kris and Susie find themselves upon meeting Ralsei, who waxes lyrical about the very Non-Specific-and-Light-on-Any-Identifying-Details Legend. They are told that the balance of light and dark is being disrupted and a "terrible calamity (will) occur", are shown some apocalyptic imagery, three heroes who are identified by their race/species (and not their name - a detail which may become important later on), who will stop something nefariously dubbed the "Angel's Heaven". It is Prophecy 101, the most barebones framing for a quest you can imagine... but hey, the game needs a hook, doesn't it? Some grand stakes to get the ball rolling.

And so, the roles are doled out: Kris is the human, the unwavering leader; Susie is the no-nonsense contrarian who doesn't really care much for concepts of fate and determinism, and Ralsei is the exposition fairy, doing his best to keep his comrades on the path he has set out for them.

Ok, cool. But where does Kralsei fit into this? Well, in Part 1 and 1.5 of this series of posts, I brought up how Deltarune goes to great lengths to bring the idea of this pairing to prominence... but I didn't really talk about why the game is doing this. And the answer is, because it ties in with Deltarune's central theme of destiny and determinism. Or to put it another way:

Your Choices Don't Matter.

And here, you might protest. Because surely when the game says that, it's only refering to Kris's choices, right? We, as players, can choose from different dialogue options, we can choose to FIGHT or SPARE our adversaries. More fundamentally, we are the ones in control of Kris's movements and actions, while they are almost entirely powerless to fight our influence (note how I say almost - this will be important later).

But think for a moment about the choices we are given as players, and ask yourself - what meaningfully changes as a result of our actions? In Chapter 1, it doesn't matter whether we fight or spare anyone, they'll all return regardless in Chapter 2, with a single line of dialogue added as a handwave to explain why. And while Chapter 2 gives us a little more say in this - we can lose potential recruits to Castle Town by fighting rather than sparing, and they won't turn up in Ralsei's dark world at the end - the main points of the story do not meaningfully change to reflect this.

(there are, of course, things that we CAN do to change things in a pretty big way *coughSnowgravecough* but given that the means to achieve this are rather well-hidden, and it involves doing some very, VERY messed up things in pursuit of it, we can consider it an exception that proves the rule - technically your choices CAN have consequences, but those consequences are so horrific that you're probably better off not choosing in the first place.)

Okay, sure, you say. But this doesn't apply to the interpersonal relationships in Deltarune, now does it? If we don't want Kralsei to happen, then we simply don't choose any of the options that hint at it. That much must be in our power, surely?

To which I have one riposte: the Acid Tunnel of Love.

Brief overview of this sequence: Kris and Ralsei are tasked with "distracting" Queen while Susie and Berdly go to rescue Noelle. Literally on the next screen, the only way to proceed is across a giant river of acid, atop a swan pedallo, while soft carnival-style music plays in the background. Partway through, Ralsei has a heart-to-heart with Kris/the player, Rouxls Kaard does what he does best, and a photo may or may not be taken at the end.

You don't get to choose not to do this (unless you do that other thing which we're not discussing here). This just happens. And it's difficult to get away from the fact that this entire scenario is dripping with romantic undertones, especially when it's contrasted directly afterwards with Susie and Noelle's equally-romantically-charged Rescue and Ferris Wheel ride.

But then, perhaps it's a parody. A funny contrivance that sends up the absurdity of Kralsei by comparing it to a romantic pairing with actual weight, Suselle. But there are two problems with this; the first is that if we write off this scene as parody, then we must also do the same with the ferris wheel, because they both operate under the same logic - they're both based on a massive contrivance.

The second problem is that Ralsei doesn't seem to have got that memo. And no matter how you respond to his questions, the scene will end with his admiration for Kris strengthened. There is NO dialogue option you can select which will dissuade him from his feelings.

Exhibit A: calling Ralsei a lackey will have him cheerfully exclaim "Ooh, I've never been somebody's lackey before!" (because he's a darkner, that's literally what he was designed to be). Exhibit B: saying "It's strange" has Ralsei write off his question as, erm, "sarcasm". Which would perhaps be read as a rebuttal, except that his understanding of social situations is so minimal that he might genuinely believe he's committed a serious faux pas here, rather than interpret the response as a rejection. It also doesn't change his follow-up response, either. Exhibit C: Saying nothing when he says "it's good that you're you" has him laugh at how "Kris-like" not saying anything is, before saying that he "[likes] you-like things".

Cue Ralsei haters throwing their hands up in exasperation.

Contrast again with Susie and Noelle's scene. Here, too, we're presented with options to influence how things will happen. But the crucial difference is, we have absolutely zero sway over Susie, and she will always choose to say and do her own things. Here, too, we are powerless to intervene, but in a more direct way, whereas with Kralsei, even though we CAN choose an option, none of them make a difference to the scene or its outcome. This serves to show just how much agency Susie actually possesses, and is a stark contrast to Kris's severe lack of agency... as well as our own.

What does that mean, exactly? Well, consider this: Susie is free to make her own decisions, up to and including choosing NOT to pursue Noelle romantically. Kris, on the other hand, has no such freedom, and thus cannot choose to opt out of entering into a relationship with Ralsei. And, as I have alluded to a few times, neither can we, despite what our own feelings on the situation might be.

And thus we come to the title of this part - Kris and Ralsei are Star-Crossed. No reference to this line is made in Deltarune as of present, but it has numerous connotations which I believe are relevant to these two characters. Firstly, the idea that their connection is destined to occur - it's written in the stars, woven into the game's literal architecture. As such, there is nothing that anyone can do to stop it from happening - not Ralsei, who probably would be quite thrilled with it, not the player, who try as they might cannot influence it either way, and certainly not Kris, who is almost entirely unable to voice their own desires. We are each as powerless as each other in this instance.

Secondly, the idea that this destined relationship, no matter what form it might take, is doomed to end in tragedy. From the reaction to the various teas, we can infer that Kris is lukewarm on Ralsei at best (this may change as future chapters are released, but it's not exactly a ringing endorsement). And as time goes on, it becomes increasingly apparent that Ralsei is likely labouring under a false notion of who Kris actually is, and has fallen for the idea of Kris that he has conjured up in his own head, rather than the genuine article.

But the problem is more fundamental still, for if we understand the prophecy correctly, light and dark must be in balance - they cannot mix. That means no new dark fountains, which means that Ralsei can never manifest anywhere as a darkner once the events of the game are concluded. This would of course preclude any sort of interpersonal connection, romantic or otherwise. The best that could be hoped for in such a scenario is that Ralsei returns to whichever object he represents in the light world and Kris keeps him around as a memento.

This all assumes a great deal, of course - Kris's stance on Ralsei may well change, and for all we know Ralsei is more than likely very aware that we exist separately from Kris, as evidenced by his clandestine conversations with Kris while we see what Susie's up to. Additionally, it is entirely possible that Ralsei has instead fallen for US through Kris, which presents... additional complications. More on that later.

All of this leads us back to the central conceit of Deltarune: Our choices do not matter. Nothing we say, nothing we do, can change what is going to happen. We don't know exactly where this is going to go, whether they will fall into a full-on romance, or if they become something more akin to queerplatonic partners, or good friends, or something like siblings, or perhaps even mortal enemies. But one thing is for sure - Deltarune is going to continue cramming Kralsei down our throats, whether we like it or not.

...okay, think I best stop there for now. And look, I know I haven't really gone too much into the why of all this just yet. But patience - much of the past few essays have been establishing the groundwork - the what and the how, if you like. I'n Part 3, I'll attempt to go over what I believe the Narrative (i.e. the game) is trying to accomplish with Kralsei - what it's trying to say about games, stories, romance, and how we can be manipulated into endorsing a potentially problematic relationship, irrespective of the wishes of the vessel we control.

Thanks for reading!

#writing #essay #Deltarune #fan theory #Kris dreemurr #Ralsei #Kralsei #Krisei #kris x ralsei #destiny #Narrative #acid tunnel of love #your choices don't matter #Suselle mention #cw potential noncon #thoughts

[syrena-del-mar]

A Jungian Perspective on La Pluie

Saturday... It really wouldn't be Saturday if La Pluie didn't decide to serve me some heartache with a side of Tien. We're finally getting to the crux that that has been plaguing our characters. La Pluie has been positing this question of since the first episode: How do you choose who to love?

Since last week, I can't help but think of the transformation all four of our protagonists are undergoing due to the love or idea of love that they hold. Honestly, you can utilize any form of psychology to analyze media, but this time around I couldn't help but pull towards Jungian psychology, due to its more mystic and spiritual roots (especially in the conversation of love) that I find so fitting with the plot of La Pluie. This will not be an exhaustive study of Jungian theories on romantic love, but more of a focus on a couple of specific Carl Jung quotes that I find to be analogous, so I will be diving into those.

Explaining Jungian Theory on Love and Life

Simplified, Jungian theory holds that there are three elements that make up the human psyche: the ego, the personal unconscious, and the collective unconscious. Jung found that to fully realize one's talents and potentialities, humans have to integrate the conscious and the unconscious. He referred to this theory as 'individuation' and held that individuation would only begin when the human experiences a 'crisis', because of the emotional power of crisis breaks down the ego and initiates questions regarding meaning of life and self. The ultimate goal, under Jung's theory, is to become a fully realized state of self-hood and individuation is what allows one to become fully-realized by combining the ego, personal and collective unconscious through the experiences one has.

Romantic relationships, while unable to be reduced, contribute to one's ability to become fully realized. Jung held that love can be a crisis, as Eros is the creator of all higher consciousness and humans are the victims of cosmogonic love. Fundamentally, to be fully fulfilled, two humans seek a psychic relation with one another, because of an awareness that love will fulfill the spirit and the spirit needs love. Now the journey in finding that love and the experiences you have during while being in love is what really determines how you develop as a human. As a result, falling in love can shatter the ego and experiencing ego death allows one to develop into the transformed self.

Some other accompanying Jungian theories that is necessary to understand for my analysis are the following:

Ego death, while not explicitly stated in Jungian theory, leads to the dissolution of the false or constructed self that is built upon societal expectations, conditioning and attachments. Essentially, through the stripping of one's egoic identity, a more authentic nature is revealed, resulting in a profound shift in consciousness. Ego death results in the ego transcendence and expansion allowing integration of the ego with the conscious and unconscious, which Jung's mainly focused on.

Shadow refers to the repressed aspects of an individual's personality, the parts of ourselves that we deny, disown, or suppress because they are unacceptable, immoral, or incompatible with our self-image. It consists of both negative aspects, such as anger, greed, and jealousy, as well as positive qualities that we may have neglected or denied. Integration of the shadow does not mean indulging in destructive or harmful behaviors, but rather embracing the totality of who we are and finding constructive ways to express and channel those repressed aspects.

Chemical Reactions with Tai, Tien, Patts, and Lomfon

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: If there is any reaction, both are transformed."

Through the transformative reaction of love, one may learn to distinguish between who they really are and the image that is forced upon them or what they imagine themselves to be. Just as chemical substances cause a reaction that transforms the substances, he theorizes that if two personalities come together, both individuals are similarly transformed. He holds that personal growth and development can only occur when two humans are able to have an authentic and meaningful connection. Through loving another, this includes their shadow aspects, we learn to love the shadow aspects in ourselves.

First, let's talk about Patts and Tai, the couple that is/was most apparently destined to be together.

Even before knowing that they were soulmates, Patts had an immediate attraction to Tai. An attraction so intense that he was willing to throwaway the soulmate connection for Tai, without even an ounce of awareness that Tai was his soulmate. Meanwhile, Tai was facing his internal battles long before even meeting Patts face-to-face. He was in constant struggle with his "shadow" self, because of his conscious rejection of the soulmate bond. Tai's rejection and suppression manifested through his silence, an active denial of the condition that bonded them. The moment that Patts walked into that café, Tai's perception on their condition and willingness to love changed. Tai's parent's divorce didn't only bring the soulmate connection into question, but also love and human connection. Bow made that explicitly clear about Tai.

Much like when chemicals meet, Tai and Patts were converted and rearranging their perceptions about their conditions and their willingness in regards to love. They wouldn't have undergone this process if it wasn't the other at the end, their willingness to change their understanding and start the process to transform was because it was Tai and because it was Patts.

The meeting of two personalities does not indicate that just anyone will cause this 'chemical reaction' to occur. We see this through Patts and Nara relationship, as well Lomfon and Tai's non-relationship. There is no question that Patts really did love Nara, the pain of his breakup with her is testament to the love that he had for her. [@lurkingshan had a great post about Patts and Nara's relationship]. Yet, Nara's insecurity with the idea of Patt's having a soulmate didn't change even when Patts swore he was committed to her. There was no conversion or sudden change in their perception that could overcome the obstacle of the rain connection, instead there was just the collapse of their relationship. Now in episode 10, we see that Lomfon finally tells Tai about their connection and Tai doesn't question the relationship he has with Patts. He still held that he was in love with Patts and the sudden connection with Lomfon didn't change his feelings towards him, the only shift was his understanding of how the rain connection worked.

Moving onto Lomfon and Tien. Quite literally, the moment that we met them, we saw the reactions that they were causing one another right off the bat. Their personalities, on the surface, absolutely did not match. If this was actual chemistry, their chemical reaction would be more of a combustion.

Lomfon struggles with a similar shadow at Patts and Tai, but to a more volatile degree with his distaste for the idea that his condition would somehow lead to his soulmate. Yet, it's still a question that plagues his mind as we saw in Episode 10. He's struggling with and Tien's relentless belief in the idea of soulmates is threatening his own ideals. He's built himself up to be a skeptic, or an atheist as @shortpplfedup stated, and the fact that he has not one but two soulmates all of a sudden. On top that he is self-aware of his developing attraction and feelings towards Tien, and he even seeks his opinion and like always, Tien's reasoning is opposite that of Lomfon's.

Tien, on the other hand, has the most different shadow to deal with than the rest. His temper and brashness is at the forefront, a shield of sorts, that he utilizes to keep people from stepping in and getting to know him. And it works, it works so well, that he's sidelined by almost every single important person in his life. He's self-sacrificing, generous and over-attentive of others to a fault, and to his own detriment. He uses his light (the brashness, etc.) to hide his true emotions and he neglects himself. Lomfon comes in and challenges his understanding of soulmates and offers him what nobody else has done in his life, a place where he can actually display his emotions. Tien is an enigma, he's friendly but never truly open to the others. Lomfon is playing an important hand in unraveling the walls that Tien has built for himself.

Tien, Tai, Lomfon, and even Patts are embarking the journey of overcoming their ego-death to reach self-discovery. Tien's understandings, plus idealism, surrounding soulmates are being shaken and the walls that he had laid down for Lomfon are likely going to be rebuilt higher and even more impenetrable. His brashness had been beat at the cost of his sincerity being disregarded. Tai has destroyed the ultimate connection that tied Lomfon, Patts, and him together. He finally made a choice, but that also means he's truly alone for the first time since the night that his parents divorced. Patts has finally had his cool and collected demeanor ripped away, unintentionally. He suffered seven years of silence, after finally reaffirming his love for Tai being beyond their mutual condition, he's back to being shut out. Lomfon... I'm with @bengiyo on this one... Talk shit, get hit. For all his rationality that he poses with Tien, he's really the one that has reacted the most from his heart rather than his mind.

Now that all four of them are undergoing their ego death, the question that remains to be seen is if they are going to make it out in tatters or will they come out with a deeper understanding of themselves and their partners?

Choices, choices and more choices

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Jung's understanding of personal growth revolves on the idea that while individuals are shaped by their past experiences and external circumstance, one can overcome themselves, through conscious choice and self-determination. The ability to choose allows humans to have the possibility of transcending their limitations and shaping their own identity and the future that strive to fulfill. Rather than leaving one's fate at the hands of fate, Jung's theory encourages to take responsibility for their lives by making intentional choices, taking an active role in shaping their own lives leading to higher self.

The choices made, and the (pseudo-)lack of choices made, were so apparent in episode 10 that it was almost painful to watch. @liyazaki has a great analysis on Tai's choice in this episode where he chooses to break his own pre-determined destiny. For someone like Tai, who has actively chosen to take a back-seat in his life, this was supposed to be a turning point for him. While he's choosing to not be a product of his pre-determined environment, he's failing to take the front seat driver side in his love life. Like @ginnymoonbeam said, Tai is incredibly conflict-averse while Patts very much prefers to address conflict. Tai's avoidance is still very much a choice and it's a choice that ultimately not only lead to the destruction of the connection but also to the breaking of his relationship. He could have chosen Patts, much like Patts implored, but he didn't, he ran. His choice of running ultimately left him alone, mirroring the night that his parents announced their divorce. His choice gave him what he thought he wanted, but isolation was never the key to his happiness, and I think he realizes that now in the aftermath. [@sunshinechay has a great deep dive into Tai's state of mind after the bond has broken due to his choice]

With Tai's silence, Patts is driven to a point where he cannot just continue to be patient. I'll be honest, I'm going to refer a lot to @lurkingshan's post about the guys and their conflict style for Patts' portion, just because I'm much less well-versed in who he is as a character. Before even making any choice, Patts does what any reasonable lover would do, he double checks with Tai. He checks in to see if Tai is where he said he would be. Like @lurkingshan said, he finally thought there was a sense of trust and understanding between them two and instead he's met with lies after lies. He questions why it was so hard for Tai to choose him, why Tai couldn't just say something. Something that would explain how their whole relationship became twisted, but instead he was met with Tai's silence and when Tai does speak, it's an ultimatum. While Tai offers the bait of breaking up, Patts is the one that makes the choice for them. Just as Tai never explicitly chose him in this episode, Patts ultimately doesn't chose to continue with Tai either. No matter how much you profess your love, when you're presented by an ultimatum and silence, how much is there to salvage? Patts chooses to stop catering to Tai, to stop coddling him, because Patts has his own needs and insecurities that are not being met. It takes two to tango and today, Tai didn't show up, so Patts made the choice to surrender.

Arguably, the only one that didn't make a choice or was even granted a chance to make a choice before hell broke loose was Tien. Instead, he was collateral damage to the choice that Lomfon made. His confession, was not so much a choice as it was a reaction to the combustion that occurred and he was left helpless to watch. And the pseudo-choice that he did make, incurred by the hypothetical question that Lomfon provided, was made without all the details. Tien made a pseudo-choice with a bias that Lomfon was already aware he had, instead of posing the question with the inclusion that he had two soulmates which could have shaken Tien's answer, Lomfon formed the question in a way he knew how Tien would answer. Instead, Tien becomes accidental casualty of his environment due to always being on the outskirts. The only choice he made this time was to not stick around for his pain to be visibly seen or felt. Lomfon was the only one that had seen him at his worst, at his most fragile, and this time he walks away.

Lomfon... Again, where to start with this kid. If I think Tien had no choice, I think Lomfon, on the other hand, made way too many. The main choice that really seemed the most intentional was his choice to kiss Tai. @heretherebedork really hit it on the nail, rather than the soulmate bond (that he presumably would have thrown away to explore things with Tien), it was his choice of holding the significance of the keychain, of their original meeting, higher than his feelings with Tien or even the soulmate connection. For all the scientific and factual hot-takes that he makes regarding the idea of soulmates, he still chose to pursue the idea of fate. While he might be skeptic of the rain anomaly, he doesn't choose to be a skeptic of the keychain coincidence.

The Jungian theory about intentional choices is that they form who one wants to become. It emphasizes personal agency and the ability to transform oneself, something that is a bit counterintuitive to the idea that the deafness and connection with someone in the rain leads to your soulmate. All four of them have the potential for growth and to consciously shape their destiny, yet ironically, the most skeptical about fate, of the four, made a choice based on the idea of destiny. Personal growth isn't linear, but making a choice is a start.

Bright light in a dim world

"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being."

Jung's understanding of human existence depends on the idea of the primary of our lives to bring forth 'inner illumination' in the existential darkness that can accompany mere existence. The "darkness of mere being" refers to a state of existence where individuals may feel disconnected, lost, or lacking a sense of purpose or meaning. It is a condition of living without tapping into our deeper nature or engaging with the depths of our psyche. By kindling a light within, one's creativity and individuality, one can bring awareness, consciousness, and meaning to their lives. This inner light is a source of inspiration, growth, and transformation.

We've finally reached the moment where any ounce of happiness or loudness that Saengtien would have mustered has been lost. In the aftermath of the fight, he's left to pick up the pieces of his brother again. Only this time, he's learning that the one that he likes didn't have him in mind. Much like his name, where a candlelight can be indispensable in the darkness, it can also be snuffed out just as easily. Tien, who's in the outside looking in throughout his whole life as the third child in his family, is also left disconnected by the one he likes. No matter how much Lomfon had liked Tien, even without Tien knowing, he didn't think of him when he found out that Tai was the one that saved him. Tien has become the afterthought. The first person to reach out and attempt to uncover his mask, is the same person that verbalizes the position that Tien is always left in. An outsider.

"What does that have to do with you?" Seven simple words that are arranged in the only way that it could truly pain Tien.

Tien, who masks his pain under his brashness and his prickly self, who hides his own feelings for the happiness of those who he loves. After all the mistakes that Lomfon has committed, Tien still pauses the moment that Lomfon states that he was in pain. Yes, Lomfon fucked up and hurt his brother, but Tien also cares about Lomfon's happiness and he would still put Lomfon's feelings before his own. Until Tien's own insecurities were used against him, even if it was unintentional. Tien has done everything in his power to be the 'candlelight' in the darkest times for everyone else. And for once, he thought he found someone that would be that same beacon of light in his own life. Instead that possibility was extinguished and his sad reality was thrown in his face.

This time around Tien needs to be more careful with his 'candlelight', he needs to learn to put himself first, to finally say what he truly feels and not prioritize the feelings of others over his own. He's pieced himself together to be the person that everyone can depend on, but that meant giving up who he really was. He got trapped into being the odd man out, an outlander in his own home and in his love life, because he never prioritized himself. To find that inner illumination in the mere darkness of life, he has to learn that his happiness is just as important and to strive towards achieving it. Once he learns this, he can also grow and become self-realized.

Final Thoughts

Tai, Tien, Patts, and Lomfon are all in their own journey of self-discovery in a world that treats a condition, that connects you to another person while it rains, as a sign of destiny and fate. La Pluie really does trope subversion really well and brings into question whether a designation of fate is sufficient to establish a relationship. Relationships require work and a mystical attachment cord does not just get rid of that. The four of them are only starting to realize that and hopefully, they come out of this better people. Whether that means together or separate, their meetings will change them in one way or another, and that's not simply because of destiny. You have to put the work in to better yourself, and the people that you meet are only catalysts.

#la pluie analysis #la pluie meta #la pluie thoughts #la pluie #la pluie the series #tienlomfon #lomfon x tien #saengtai x lomfon #patts x saengtai #pattstai #tien x lomfon #saengtien x lomfon #steph rambles #steph overanalyzes #I have two more that I'm working on.... I'm really sorry lmfao #I swear that the next two are mostly shorter

[murielsbottombitch]

cw: rant, addiction, weed, restrictive food intake, severe weight loss, anorexia

yes, it's very ironic I chose to post this on 4/20 💀

I wanna quit weed for at least a few months, just to see if it would be the right decision for me, but I highly doubt my body can handle it.

I mostly use it to medicate my severely low appetite, which I'm also on prescribed medicine for, and I don't think I could go that long struggling to eat. I'm aware weed probably affected my appetite over time but I can't deal with being that repulsed by food again, let alone if it goes on for multiple months. I can deal with the chronic pain, fatigue and insomnia being worse, probably. I just can't deal with a fundamental human need being a waking nightmare. I can't deal with my body rejecting food again. I can't. I don't know how else to cope with it other than weed, physically and mentally. my appetite traumatizes me constantly and it's hard to confide in people when the horrible thing happening to my body is touted as a good thing. I'm thin. who cares how badly my health deteriorates? it's so much easier to cope with it when I'm high. even if I still can't make myself eat, at least it's not eating away at my psyche.

at the same time, what if being sober helps? what if I go through the horrible pain, the trauma and come out better for it? I don't know who I am without weed anymore, I smoke nearly constantly and have since I was 18. I've changed and grown so much in that span of time and weed has been a huge aid in that. I don't know if I still need it or if it's hurting me now, though. I don't feel like it's hurting me but I'm not going to fool myself and pretend I'm not an addict. I do almost everything high, which makes it hard to tell if it's even still helping. I think it's helping my executive dysfunction but what if I'm wrong? what if I'm more passionate and headstrong than ever sober? I want to see what's on the other side so bad but the tunnel is full of booby traps.

weed was exactly what I needed during my anorexia recovery. of course the munchies but it made me so much less ashamed of eating. I'm terrified of being that ashamed again. I'm terrified that I might let my appetite take it's course. it's taken me so long to get to the point where I make myself eat, even if I don't want to. I'm terrifed of that being undone. I'm terrified of relapsing. my body can't take it, not after the damage I've done to it.

I just don't know if it's worth the risk just to see what I'm like when I'm not self medicating. my brain can handle not being high. my body can't.

typing this now cause I'm gonna have a dry spell for the next few days and am considering using it as an opportunity to just not get more weed. however, I have eaten 3 grapes today and am running on less than 2 hours of sleep. this is the start, the easy part. I'm not even irritable yet. I'm just scared. my body makes me really, really scared.

#rant #cw addiction #cw weight loss #cw weight #cw drugs #text post #disordered eating cw

[lakesbian]

If Mono and Six landed on the infinity train how big do you thin their numbers would be and what arc do you think they’ll have?

unfortunately the basic premise of this question doesn't work because of the dissonance between how infinity train handles character arcs and how little nightmares handles character arcs.

the basic premise of infinity train's worldbuilding is that it's real life except for the addition of the train (and obligatory subtraction of branded items, hence the fictional gas station chain &c). every passenger is written as mundanely and intricately human. they're all Just Some Guy You Could Meet On The Street, which is to say they have intensely complex psyches, nuanced and storied personal problems, and unique personality traits. tulip eats raw onions because she tried one as a kid and was too stubborn to admit to her parents she didn't like it, holds strict worldviews based on narrow/immature ration about the world and struggles to accept changes that don't fit into her preconceived frameworks, and wears a kinda stupid looking tights/skirt combo because she's 13. jesse is still attached to a song about learning to be nice to people he learned in kindergarten, is a serial social masker because he's convinced people will only like him if he's being exactly what they want him to be, and gets character development from talking honestly about his relationship to swimming. and so on and so forth. grace is a cult leader but she's also just, like, some girl who blows raspberries when she's thinking or excited. the depth of the characterization is inextricable from infinity train's narratives, because each narrative is, by dint of the show's most basic premise (follow these people while they fuck around on a train that kidnaps you and only lets you off if you achieve what it deems to be Personal Growth), entirely fueled by rich characterization and character arcs.

little nightmares, by contrast, actually hinges pretty heavily on vague/fuzzy characterization. it's actively difficult to catch a peek of six, mono, or runaway kid's face. the children you play as have names that are less names in the sense we're familiar with and more markers of isolation-induced anonymity: low, alone, and mono. in runaway kid's case, he doesn't even have a name--he's defined entirely by the fact that he's trying to escape. (from what? the world. does he succeed? no.) we don't know what any of these children like or dislike. we don't know where they came from. they don't have favorite colors, or hobbies, or even dialogue outside of the occasional--almost always barely-audible--"hey"s six and mono exchange to get each others attention. all of these children are defined by one thing: the fact that they are young and small and the world wants to eat, change, or destroy them. what most distinguishes each child from one another is the unique way in which they are hurt: six survives, but at the cost of the part of her that knows how to play and hold onto her friends. mono grows into a man who directly perpetuates the cycle that harmed his childhood self. runaway kid is clever, but unlucky, and never makes it out. and this is all because little nightmares is a visceral, but very nonliteral representation of the nonsensical cruelty of childhood. on a narrative level, the huge scope, mystery, and unfairness of the world the kids live in--and how it hurts them--is all-consuming.

all of which is to say that there's no grounded, detailed characterization that could be used to put six or mono on the train. numbers are calculated based on how far a person is from solving the problem that landed them there, and the train doesn't pick people up for problems that can't be addressed by individual development. six and mono don't need individual development--their only problem is living in a society that views them as worthless and in need of breaking (or consumption or destruction and so on). fundamentally impossible quastion to answer due to the differences in how inftr and ln approach characterization. sadly. :(.

#ask #infinity train #little nightmares #but i hope you enjoyed the analysis regardless

[makingspiritualityreal]

Study of Source of Ketu's Struggles Mylène Farmer - Désenchantée

A famous popular French - language song from the 90s by a Franco-Canadian (hello fellow Quebecoise) singer, who according to astrotheme has Rahu conjunct Lagna in Magha Nakshatra, reveals the feeling and thinking process of Ketu influenced natives, that leads to their suffering. This text can be especially relatable to you if Ketu in your chart is in conjunction with a planet, placed in an angular house 1, 4, 7, 10 or if your chart has any of the Ketu ruled Nakshatras, Ashwini, Magha and Mula.

For those who are relatively new to Vedic concepts, before I start bringing up relevant lines from the song, first a reminder that Ketu just like Rahu, is a Node of the Moon. The Moon is childlike and reactive. Moon is the most biased, personal planet, responsible for our unstable emotional patterns, our sensitivity and response to the environment. Rahu and Ketu are two Eclipse points opposite each other, where at the moment of our birth, the consciousness is the most foggy, and thus prone to confusion that breeds fear, paranoia, obsession or disillusionment. While Rahu is the energy that clings and devours out of fear, Ketu is the energy that moves away and lets go out of hopelessness. Of course, these sentiments are purely subjective regurgitations of our subconscious beliefs rooted in early childhood, which can be reprogrammed, but anyone who tried training their subconscious mind and facing their deepest fears knows it is not easy and takes a lifetime.

The erroneous belief that somebody else can save us from ourselves and our own head, mixed with extreme sensitivity and blaming our internal suffering on the external world. Feeling lost in society.

"Whose hand should I hold onto?"

"I'm looking for a soul that could help me."

"Who can pretend to cradle me, who can give me something nourishing I can devote myself to?"

"Who can stop me from hearing everything I hear when my reason collapses?"

The answer to these questions is, nobody. Every human being in the world suffers from their own struggle, and that is our point of connection. We are all a hero of our own story, and some stories have similar battles, but we all ultimately fight our own. All these questions are driven by Ketu, the illusion of clinging to safety. Most importantly, these lines show that deep down there is an awareness, that all we are looking for here is an illusion ("who can PRETEND to make me feel safe") but in our despair, we don't care, because we want to experience a feeling of relief....based on whatever was programmed in our subconscious mind in childhood.

This error of perception is probably the number one cause of suffering for both Nodes. Moon rules self awareness and self soothing, thus such as its goal, as is the goal of the Nodes. But the Nodes, being the most troubled points in our minds, attach specifically to the darkest parts of our psyche, looking for that soothing in confused ways, while a healthy Moon as a planet provides sources for real, tangible emotional relief. While fundamentally the pain we experienced in the past that formed the Nodal emotional distortion was caused by our interactions with other people, we would waste our time eternally clinging to solely blaming those who hurt us, who might even be dead by the time we reach adulthood. We see that more and more, after we grow up, leave whatever hurt us in our primary environment and attract 10 boyfriends in a row that are toxic just like daddy was. By this point the toxicity is not external, it is deeply rooted within us.

Of course we need to be conscious of who caused what sort of imbalance in our psyche, and how they provoked us to feel and react, for the sake of understanding of cause and consequence, and we need to make space for processing our anger, but staying stuck internally forever pointing fingers at everyone else, even if they are to blame, isn't going to get anyone anywhere. At the end of the day, we are responsible for out own peace of mind, simply because no one can enter our heads and fix how we feel for us. Even if we have external help, no one can help us if we don't have the will to help ourselves. Ketu seeks that support through clinging, while Rahu seeks connection through rebelling and getting support for their eccentricity, but both still very much view these behaviours as solutions, projecting their internal struggles into the external world and seeking validation from it.

A person suffering from Nodal affliction may say or feel:

"There is something wrong with the world"

"There is something wrong with society"

"The world doesn't support me as it should"

"I am from a disillusioned generation" = this generation doesn't hold anything of value for me when it should

"These [specific people] should absolutely do this for me now and I won't do anything to move my life forward until they do"

And all of these notions are a sign of lack of understanding, that external things come to us in the form they're meant to, not in the precise form we demand, and the best thing we can do is surrender and let time do its work in completing for us what we can't do ourselves. Which is why Saturn exalts in the 7th house of the Other that is not Ourselves, and why Saturn and Ketu are enemies, since Ketu's primal clinginess and anxiety struggles under Saturn's pressure to develop spiritual surrender.

2. Hopelessness, disillusionment, pessimism, lack of faith in experiencing new things and sensations, lack of desire to improve circumstances, inherently negative belief in only "lesser evil" but no positives.

"Waiting right here [in the same bad spot] for the end"

"Floating in overly heavy air of almost nothingness"

"If I have to fall, at least let it be slow"

"Everything is chaos, where next to my ideas lie their crushed phrasings"

"If there is a possibility of Hell in contrast to Heaven, Heaven can wait for me"

Ketu finds safety by giving up , but not because it doesn't care. It gives up because it cares so much it can't bear the possibility of loss. It can't take failure...because it threatens the illusion of having an absolute safe point within this Universe. As a result, it disconnects from everything that might be potentially risky...and since Existence itself contains a fundamental element of risk, Ketu finds itself stuck in a void of its own making, cutting itself off from everything out of fear.

Reality is, in order to even have a chance of obtaining Heaven, you have to risk Hell. Reality is, life is neither, but our head makes it a mix of both...when life simply IS, steadfast in its simplicity of existence with no judgment . The Node's compulsion struggles with that objectivity, instinctively approaching every situation with judgment based on their false safety paradigms of either instant attack or instant withdrawal.

3. Controlling nature mixed with attempts at predicting every possible outcome, feeling like we can see everything coming. Feeling numb as a coping mechanism.

"Swimming in troubled waters of [potential most probably fake lol] scenarios of [infinite possible combinations we imagine] of tomorrows"

"I only found rest in indifference"

"Nothing makes sense and Nothing goes well"

"If Death is a mystery, There is nothing to hold onto in Life" [because who knows if there is anything after death. Can't control it now so must fear it lol]

Because of its obsessive perfectionism, Ketu ultimately erodes the good things that might have otherwise manifested on its path. Ketu pretends to surrender...but in reality, it's like Novocaine. It's like an anaesthetic drug...from which you eventually have to wake up from. Everything about it is an attempt to spin in its own illusion, replaying the same controlled motion picture over and over, and living within it, not letting anything take us out of that narrow, suffocating space. It is adept at using its own skill and control mastery against our own well being...to lie to itself, using past as false proof, while in fact it takes so much more than cynicism to gain actual bigger picture understanding of life.

Bonus: The Moon's and Node's fundamental desire to return to a blissful childhood state. "I would like to rediscover innocence". Just like Rahu, Ketu wants Jupiter. An all powerful parent, that can make it experience innocence, one last time, even if we know it's a lie, and we can never truly be completely carefree, because even if we had the healthiest parents in the world, they are ultimately also human and flawed, so the notion of being completely cared for through their presence doesn’t exist and never did, so our idea of an innocent point to return to is false.

But if we never really were carefree to begin with, in this Universe of paradoxes that means we actually always fundamentally are. And that realization is the point where Ketu finds its liberation.

#jyotish #vedic astrology #south note #ketu #vedic astro notes #vedic astro observations

[drbased]

On Religious Morality

The religious conservative argument of 'if god doesn't exist, it's not morally wrong to kill people' is emblematic of the symbolic approach to life, the universe and everything: that there is a 'layer' on top of reality that is realer than the reality that we live in. Under a religious and spiritual framework, human - or even animal - emotions and achievement are not worth anything inherently because of their existence, but rather they are imbued meaning through an abstract connective tissue, and only once the 'bigger picture' is found are any of the constituent parts worth anything. There has to be a larger narrative of greater importance, something bigger and inexplicably more profound than the inherent existence of reality itself.

You could perhaps say that it's a cowardly approach to existence: one that shies away from the awe-inspiring inexplicableness of the reality of there being things in the world, that got there entirely without the need for meaning (that got there entirely without being connected to you via meaning that you can comprehend), that exist purely because of the terrifying nature of cause and effect, that simply are. Similarly so, there does not need to be some greater, deeper meaning to emotion that you must be privy to, that you must understand, for it to have intrinsic worth. Suffering feels bad for the sufferer, and if you can understand that with your heart and brain, then it is you that imbues a 'moral' quality to it, and it's up to you to care and give it worth and meaning. That's beautiful in its own right - once again, the inherent 'worth' is the essence of your own choice to care about suffering.

Religious and spiritual thought feels as though it's humble, that it's in touch with the profound. But in many ways, it's actually staring slightly to the left of the profound, and it recreates humility into something where you, a mere alive being amongst many with a body and brain borne out of evolution just like everyone else, are somehow imbued with a deep and fundamental profound connection to everything within the universe, giving you a unique importance within it. The humility, then, comes from the holding of you in a permanent state of arrested development; children are told that stealing is bad and sharing is good, and they just are that way according to forces of morality that you are not privy to but must be true. As a full-grown adult it is hard to accept full responsibility for our actions, and nobody (including me) ever fully does; every person in the world effortlessly switches between 'I have free will' and 'I was raised that way' in order to suit their needs, and it seems to be a necessary part of the human psyche to be able to do so successfully. However, religion and spiritual thought takes that element of avoidng accountability to the nth degree, where you no longer have to even be accountable for a full understanding of morality itself. Instead, you merely follow and arbitrary set of rules and call that humility. As if there's nothing more humble than recognising that there are no rules to follow and it's up to you to recognise show compassion for suffering, not because of some grand purpose but rather because suffering exists.

Religious and spiritual thought will tell you things like 'God's plan' and 'everything happens for a reason' to justify real-world suffering, but also will tell you that it's unilaterally wrong for you, personally to commit an act of lust, for example. This arbitrary application of morality is ripe for exploitation, for not only does it generate an 'opiate of the masses' effect, but also it allows for the individual to feel a heightened sense of entitlement over their own moral choices. Anything the believer feels morally strong about is 'right' because rightness is about certainty - if nothing is important because of its inherent essence, if the only reality that matters is bigger and more nebulous than the reality that we live in, then faith (i.e. certainty) is the only access to morality that we even have. Hence, religious people are much, much more strong on subjects that have no real impact on suffering in the real world. To them, spiritual suffering is the only real suffering. The suffering we actually feel is no different than the irritation a child feels when they're being told off for not sharing. This further feeds into that state of permanent childishness, and the believer's strong devotion to 'moral' causes that have no material impact on the world, and conversely limited devotion to concern for real-world suffering, can be effortlessly manipulated so they become pawns in support of oppressive systems, allowing power to adapt to changing societal trends.

An approach to morality that presupposes some inherency to morality also presupposes that said inherency is necessarily fluid - for the inherency is without any basis in material reality. The fact of the matter is that 'morality' is not a real concept; it is a desire to conceptualise and classify a collection of human responses to suffering such as sympathy, empathy and guilt - all emotions that we understand to be highly beneficial for an adaptive social species. These emotions feel profound, and it is important to remember that they are profound! They're something that seems impossible on the face of it: an individual living being has something akin to understanding what's going on inside the mind and body of another living being, and potentially even feeling what they feel. That is profound, that is terrifying, that is the closest we have to magic in this life! It's important to remember that when you're upset about someone else's suffering, you are upset because they're suffering. That's what empathy is - in its entirety. That's what's important.

Symbolic narratives will tug you in the direction of 'o! what a terrible dark and evil world we live in, struck with suffering, I must cry for a million years' or 'that person must Deserve their suffering, for God makes sure that all get what is coming to them' or 'what a shame they're suffering, but everything happens for a reason and things will work out well for them in the end'. Do not be fooled, none of these thought patterns are more profound, none of them are more 'in touch' with the fundamental nature of things, none of these demonstrate some higher empathy or understanding. These are distractions designed to dull your empathy towards suffering. Of course, we all need to dull our empathy towards suffering to some extent because there is just so much of it in the world (and we need to accept that certain suffering needs to exist, for real achievement is borne out of difficulty - but that's an ongoing conversation that needs to be had), but I argue that it needs to be a fully-informed choice you need to make as a responsible, accountable adult. The people who achieve the most are the ones who pick a passion and make the world a better place in their small corner of it. Ultimately, you do yourself a disservice by disconnecting yourself from the true beauty of human-generated meaning and compassion, and you do others a disservice by decreasing your empathy to their suffering, by viewing morality as something bigger than your own human choice to care about things in the real world.

#my writing #symbolic states #atheist posting

[allgoldenelite]

idk if this makes any sense, but.

so recently, i've seen the following interpretation floating around: whenever kenny talks about don being family in his promo and stuff, and whenever he makes it clear that BCC crossed a line now because they hurt somebody who can never reasonably consent to what the elite is used to, he is in reality not talking about don at all, or at least, the work is commenting on kenny lying or using don as a sort of mental scapegoat for the people he actually cares about [insert names here, in this case from most people i have seen it being hangman], because this is juxtaposed with kenny accepting the screwdriver from matt (who says "for hangman?").

and it made me think.

because a) there's precedent for this: especially as a heel (right now i'd say the elite are in the process of being faces again), kenny has a tendency to avoid (especially the names of) people close to him, or transpose the pain or caring he associates with those people onto something else (championships, matches, other responsibilities). everyone remembers "AJ styles, prince devitt, and who?" but there are a couple of other examples. notably, as the collector, he put so much emphasis on him and don; it was always "me and don, we are family", "don this, don that", instead of mentioning or talking what was really going on (his tensions with the bucks). later this would even spill onto other characters (saying that him and the good brothers make a really good trio/team, which is just explicit enough to pass as commentary on kenny's avoidance of the bucks at that point).

and b) i feel almost like if this were another medium, like a theater play or a book, there could very reasonably be a twist that don isn't real. that his existence is a product of kenny's psyche as he tries to avoid confronting reality (sort of like some apparitions in silent hill). that by focusing so much on don, it's easier for kenny to blend out the things that would cause him to otherwise shatter into a million pieces. he always styled himself as an "unstoppable android", and a machine needs a version of reality parsed through its OS that allows it to march on in spite of how frightening the actual happenings behind the veneer of said OS are. in a way, it could be said that don is kenny's OS rn. don is still his own person who does things kenny wouldn't do or doesn't do things he would do, but it would imo fit with kenny's arcs that often thematically feature isolation and self-hatred, to "invent" a companion who has totally always been your bestest buddy since you were 6 years old and played the invisible strings to help you be where you are now.

don entered the stage as a true character in the elite's story around the jericho feud back in new japan, but it wasn't until the collector that he was heavily cemented by kenny as an important existence, someone whom he had secretly plotted with "for years" in order to orchestrate his belt-hunting run (among other things), and by then he began interacting with other characters in way that deviated from our then current understanding of kenny's morals and ideas, despite how close the two claimed to be. i've written before about how to me, the collector is a paradoxical being and the final manifestation of all the ugly and dark parts inside kenny that he couldn't exorcise, "much, much worse" than the cleaner could ever be. think if the cleaner is a juvenile street thug, the collector is the boss in his penthouse making a fortune off of people's suffering.

but, it's important to remember that kenny isn't fundamentally evil. he has gone on record in character to state that it was his own fear of confronting his darker feelings about ibushi that pushed him towards joining bullet club and turning into the "pitch-black devil" he became. heartbreak makes a villain, etc. it's not that boilerplate simple, humans are complicated beings even (especially) in wrestling, and that is also true for kenny's story in AEW, which started to take a turn for the worse as soon as he started tagging with hangman. the collector is paradoxical because he both wants to and doesn't want to exist, because he thinks the things he's doing are necessary and cruel at the same time, because he desires what he fears and fears what he desires (finding true fulfillment in tagging, hangman becoming champion, corrupting the bucks, the list goes on). it would make sense to me if such a being required a mental shield to focus on and withstand the pressure of the two sides of the paradox constantly pulling at your psyche, threatening to destroy it. as it fits within his own machinations, don is the perfect candidate for that.

now, this isn't to say i think kenny is going to turn heel again because there is an increased emphasis on him and don "being family" again. it's just a piece of the text that i find interesting to analyze. even if kenny doesn't turn, in order to inflict upon BCC the brutality that they inflict on people you care about, you have to go to some pretty dark places. and every time kenny does go to such places, the past has shown that he pushes others away so that his true feelings—kindness, compassion, an arrogance that's more a beautiful sibling of pride than an ugly child of hurt—do not get in the way. it just depends on how he emerges on the other side once said brutality is inflicted.

either way, i have to imagine that under normal circumstances, when/if (?) the thing happens that finally tips the bucket over and causes kenny to shake off all that hair dye from 6 years ago and see don for the fucked up manipulator of himself and his friends that he is, it's going to deal a pretty heavy blow to him. it's not too dissimilar to an abusive relationship: from the outside it's so easy to see and go "oh this guy is a grade a asshole, they need to dump him already", but when you're in it, it's everything but easy.

i say normal circumstances because i have a feeling that the way this is actually going to be resolved in the work is going to involve some kind of hook that if not fully, at least partially avoids such shattering of the mind. that could be a number of things: the "betrayal" (really that's been going on for years, but see above) being so brutal and surprising that kenny's mind snaps right from heartbroken into justified, or the situation involving a bright light that makes it much easier to bear. i'll leave it up to you to decide who or what that's gonna be.

thanks for coming to my ted talk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#/joesays #/text #/long #im sorry this is what it's like to be severely mentally ill and a wrestling fan #this is unrefined af just take it #kenny omega #don callis #rasslin #somehow we're all wanda #big love to mikey for helping me brainstorm this

[potato-cerealkiller]

10 characters | 10 fandoms | 10 a negotiable number of tags

tagged by @zukoisblorbo :)

Damian Wayne. dc. i am an absolute sucker for human weapons who learn to be more than their past. the fact that his character development is imperfect and riddled with human mistakes makes me so insane. i just love that his palatability is seperate from his relative moral soundness, he isn’t a perfect abuse victim and i just love it. 10/10 he spins on my blorbo lazy susan a lot.

Bronya Zaychik. honkai impact. this was an og og fandom for me, but i do still love her. the supposed ‘lack of emotions’ she exhibits is very relatable to me as someone who probably has some form of alexithymia, the fact that she is nonetheless accepted by her friends and is portrayed as a complete human being just gets me so bad. also fits into the human weapon archetype <333.

Ranpo Edogawa. bungou stray dogs. i just adore him! similar situation to bronya where he isn’t told he has to fundamentally change himself to have a loving support system. his flippancy towards extraneous things like adult responsibilities, and his inability to understand the reasoning behind social conventions does remind me of myself at times. but as aforementioned, my favourite part of his character is probably that individuality doesn’t have to be sacrificed for success or respect! maybe i will catch up on the recent chapters some time…

Chongyun. genshin. social masking allegory and legacy character… i have a similar approach to fielding my emotions, and while I don’t have a decades long legacy to live up to, I find the way he has to navigate succession in his own way very interesting. he was also my first main, so!

Wanda Maximoff. marvel. similar thing to damian in the fact that she is an imperfect person who does not have an idyllic path to redemption and heroism. she’s messy and desperate, but that doesn’t make her undeserving. kind of love the position she’s in right now where she just has this quiet wisdom from all she’s been through. scarlet witch (2016) also has a special place in my heart for the second comic i ever read (shout out to the runaways for being the first).

Andromache. the old guard. immortals!!! love examining the impact of time on personhood, as in a ridiculously prolonged span of time, and boy is she fascinating. she’s completely jaded at this point, and only really existing rather than living. she almost becomes a product of time rather than an entity born from its passing. it’s just so interesting to see a character so entirely devoted to a cause through obligation, because what else can she do?, the only thing she remembers is how to fight.

Fushiguro Megumi. jujutsu kaisen. i love how much of a deranged mess he is. watching him have to unlearn his suicidal tendencies was so fucking interesting. he has this cool arrogance to him that makes him eminently unlikeable, but he is still a fundamentally good person at his core. for some reason my memory really failed me here? so not much to say, but I remember liking him.

Xie Lian. tgcf. innately good person despite his trauma! i love characters like this and i thought him fighting a literal manifestation of his past, more selfish self, was a fun way to signify his growth.

Homura Akemi. madoka magica. one of my childhood favourites. i watched this series at age seven and it probably severely impacted my psyche. her loneliness turned obsessive attachment and love is utterly heartbreaking to me. her unquestionable and desperate devotion to madoka is just. agghhh. the way that she needs her so intensely that she’s willing to sacrifice her personhood, the universe itself. ultimate blueprint for toxic yuri 10/10.

Boris Pavlikovsky. the goldfinch. he’s a lot of things but a mentally stable person is not one of them. i find the line he walks between total self annihilation and self preservation very interesting. he represents this kind of pseudo-eternal youth, he always commits to extremes. he doesn’t ever ‘overdo’ it but more because it would hinder his ability to live tomorrow rather than because of any adverse health effects. the fact that he is such an optimist at his core despite everything is just a fascinating contradiction.

tags if anyone wants to do this >>>> @sejaprune @calithilan @sizzlemourner @gladiikal

#in other news do I ever shut up? #no. #I don’t think anyone follows me because I’m stoic though

[the-god-of-nihon]

Why Nyx is the most powerful entity in the Persona franchise so far, and the P3/P3P protag is the most powerful protag

1. Nyx is not a manifestation of any aspect of the collective unconscious, unlike Nyarlathotep, Yaldabaoth or Enlil (none of which are actual gods), but an almighty, astronomical entity who originated from the far reaches of space. Nyx’s origins are entirely alien and separate from humanity, and its power is not dependent, or drawn from Humanity’s Collective Unconscious, unlike every other final boss in the franchise. It’s basically an Eldritch Outer God.

2. Nyx is a celestial-body sized alien called a Planet Eater. Nyx crashed into prehistoric Earth where her body and psyche were separated. Let me reiterate: Nyx is a planet-sized, alien being that devours and wipes out entire planets. It exists on an entirely different scale to any of the other antagonists seen in the series.  

3. Life on Earth as a whole evolved to seal Nyx within the Collective Unconscious as their Shadows. Every Shadow exists because of Nyx. And When Nyx fell to Earth, it bestowed “Night and Death to the world, as well as the prophecy of The Fall.”

4. The Fall is when both parts of Nyx rejoin, rip the Shadows out of all the living creatures on the planet while simultaneously destroying Earth. Essentially a level of destructive capability no other antagonist can match. The Fall is the Moon crashing into the Earth.

5. Nyx herself is neither hostile nor malevolent; it effects humanity and the Earth on a grand scale simply by existing in proximity to it. It doesn’t need to rely on proxies or draw power from Humanity itself, just direction. It can wipe out humanity in an instant, Erebus reaching Nyx is just the signal for the “go ahead.”

6. The Universe Arcana, which solely belongs to the P3 Protag & P3P Protag, is a power that had never been seen before, nor since in the series.

As directly quoted from Igor in P3 “You may be able to defeat the one who cannot be defeated. What you have in your hands is the power of the Universe... ... Nothing is outside the realm of possibility for you now.”

The World Arcana which represents the world’s totality, possessed by the P4 & P5 protags, would be insufficient to combat Nyx, because as stated above: Nyx eats planets. A single “world” is nothing to Nyx, hell probably two “worlds,” don’t mean much to Nyx. As such a greater power beyond Humanity, beyond the Earth is required. The power of countless worlds.

7. The P3/P3P protag canonically held the personification of Death, the physical incarnation of a fundamental law of existence, inside them for a decade and as stated explicitly in text, “. . made Death’s power their own.”

8. They also died, and kept on living for a month on nothing, but pure willpower.

9.  Can summon two Persona at a time for Fusion summons.

Also the male protag of P3 can wield every kind of weapon (other than guns and knives) which is honestly just a flex. Also in Yukari’s Social Link Makoto/Minato gets into a 3v1 fist fight against three guys harassing Yukari and wins. Despite being the smallest male protag is demonstrably the best combatant out of the protags based on in-story feats & game mechanics. The only real competition is Tatsuya, who can stop time.

And the P3P Protag/FeMC is the only Persona protag other than Tatsuya that can be gay, which is just salt in the wound at this point.

#Persona #Persona 3 #Persona 3 Portable #P3 #P3P #Nyx P3 #Persona 4 #Persona 5 #Persona Series

[art-of-manliness]

10 Movies That Inspire Thumos

The ancient Greeks believed that the human soul, or psyche, was composed of three parts: reason, appetite, and thumos. While we still understand the first two elements of this triparite model, the concept of thumos has largely been forgotten in the modern day. Interestingly, there is no direct translation for this term in our language.  According to the Greeks, thumos was crucial for andreia (manliness) and was viewed as a complex and powerful energy. It can be described as a person’s life force — the force that instills a lofty spiritedness in the young and an evergreen vitality in the old. Thumos is a source of discernment. It’s related to gut feelings and intuition — what Jeffrey Barnouw calls “visceral thinking” — and also has a prophetic quality, giving you a sense of foreboding about where a decision may lead. More fundamentally, thumos is the motivation that drives a man to take action, strive for success, and fight for what he believes in. It also encompasses his courage, determination, and ability to persevere in facing challenges. It’s the “fire in the belly” that pushes someone to leave behind comfort and security, reject mediocrity, seek honor, and strive to be the best among his peers.  Thumos, in short, is heart. The ancient Greeks would listen to a poet recite the Iliad to fill them with thumos. Men living in Elizabethan times would likely feel thumos course through their veins while watching King Henry give his St. Crispin’s Day speech in Shakespeare’s Henry V.  Today, film is an artistic medium that can inspire thumos in the hearts of men. Below, we highlight ten films that show what thumos looks like when lived out, and more importantly, inspire thumos while you watch them. Whenever you need to get pumped up, queue up one of these films, and then don’t let the feelings they fill you with go to waste: put your renewed spiritedness to work in taking manly action.   Braveheart There’s so much going on in this film that stokes the thumotic fire.  The sweeping shots of Scotland. The stirring bagpipe music. Dudes in warpaint holding broadswords.  But what really sets one’s heart afire after watching Braveheart is seeing William Wallace rouse his men to battle and lead them in fighting for freedom, love, and honor even when the odds are against them. If thumos had a mantra, it would be the movie’s tagline and most famous quote: “Every man dies; not every man really lives.”  Gladiator General Maximus Decimus Meridius was a good man, and good at being a man.  He loved his family and his country, and he had the strength and skill to fight for them.  But most importantly, he was filled with thumos, a spiritedness that moved him to action and to know how to outmaneuver the morally bankrupt Commodus.  Maximus also knew how to inspire others with thumos. You can’t help but walk a little taller after hearing him yell: “What we do in life echoes in eternity!” Warrior Sports movies are prime for inspiring thumos, and perhaps no genre does it better than the boxing film, which places two men directly in the arena to battle it out mano-a-mano. Warrior is an excellent entry in this category and tells the story of two estranged brothers, Tommy and Brendan Conlon, who enter a mixed martial arts tournament for their own personal reasons. Tommy, an ex-Marine with a troubled past, seeks redemption, while Brendan, a high school physics teacher, fights to save his family from financial ruin. Thumos guides both men as they prepare for their climactic confrontation in the ring. Watching them will inspire you to tap more into your own thumos.  The Lord of the Rings  Most of the characters in the Lord of the Rings trilogy don’t have the masculine bravado of those that populate the other movies on this list. But the films still have thumotic verve, and it’s actually no surprise that they do. The author of the books on which the movies are based, J.R.R. Tolkien, was a scholar of the classics and understood the importance of thumos in helping a man do… http://dlvr.it/T2pVBq

[communist-ojou-sama]

Okay, done. Let me get my thoughts in order here. This is about Otherside Picnic volume 8 by the way so like. Viewer beware I guess.

I'd been struggling, seeing all the lovely analysis by others, to get a hold on what I felt was going on thematically with this novel having not touched it directly since January, and having devoured it perhaps too quickly back then. So, where to start? Freud, I guess. It's no secret that Miyazawa is very interested in academic research in general, given our setting and the lengthy scenes of Sorawo's seminars to which we're treated, not to mention Kozakura's mention of the similarity of interacting with the Otherside to having various psychiatric ailments, so, let's take a step back. What does it mean, anyway, to engage with the Otherside, on a thematic level? I think there is a very strong case, perhaps made elsewhere, that it has to do with engaging with the id, the most fundamental part of our psyche over which we have the least control. honestly, given how the novel ends, this is maybe just text and not subtext at this point.

It has long been clear that Miyazawa is deeply interested in the intersection of trauma and desire, but in the first file we can see he's handing us a map. First, we have our scene between Sorawo and Toriko that establishes the frame narrative for the rest of the novel, Sorawo has to tell Toriko how she feels about her, there's no longer any avoiding it.

The problem is, Sorawo has always been drawn by the Otherside, the irrational and unknowable base of emotion, which defies the construct of language and consensus reality itself, for her, being asked to take that roiling torrent of id and make it into something socially legible is, well, deeply boring. (I strongly agree personally)

And so we have a number of what are basically Socratic discourses on the nature of desire, and how that desire is constructed by society (Benimori) and how our fundamental urges are related to reality (Tsuji). I'll have to chew over what Tsuji herself represents in the narrative, but that's my read for now.

The reason why whatever it is on the other side of the Otherside (lol, also not going to speculate about what that is here) uses terror to connect to humans is because terror is one of our most primordial emotions, one of the ones closest to the id. To interact with the Otherside is to confront one's own id directly.

Sorawo, who had an abusive childhood in which a very specific kind of society, a cult, attempted to destroy who she was and fully deny her id, clings on to it even as it confuses her, and this intense conflict between her id, ego, and super-ego gives birth to her doppelgänger, which is the manifestations of the more complex desires of the ego and id that her superego is unprepared to confront.

Toriko, who is the product of a loving marriage between two lesbians, and as we learn has a longstanding relationship with lesbian erotica, is able to bear the weight of confronting her own id because she has had the role models in her life to teach her that desire is not something to be feared.

Kozakura, is paralyzed by fear at her own id, and holes herself into her home, shuts herself off from the world, to avoid the risk of confronting it, though with sorawo at her side, when forced into the situation, she's at least able to trudge her way through a bit (just saying, put a pin in it)

our first explication with Benimori tackles this issue of desire head-on, talking about how the raw desire of human beings is a deeply complex thing that we force into molds to make the world easier to comprehend for ourselves, but reassures Sorawo that she need not subject herself to that if she doesn't want to (I love benimori so much she's an angel)

Tsuji of course then talks to Sorawo about the notion of consensus reality, about how in our everyday lives we subscribe to a reality that is communally audited and maintained, but that via the Otherside, another kind of agreed reality can be constructed. I have a Lot of thoughts on this conversation but my one sentence aside is that I think that Tsuji's character and her staring contest with Sorawo lead into some more specific themes that have to do with the "desire and the eye", of Sorawo-as-voyeurist, of reader-as-voyeurist, and the mediation of desire through objects (including the objectification of human beings) but, like I said, I need more time to chew on that idea, and reread the conversation before I expound on that more. Watch this space!

#Otherside Picnic #裏世界ピクニック

[trans-axolotl]

re: psych ward alternatives (so tw for psych stuff) - what do you think about PHPs and residential (for mental illness)? it seems like people tend to have less horrible experiences but then i doubt a PHP would be appropriate for someone who is actively suicidal, and residential still sounds like… not a great experience a lot of the time. i’ve seen both used for people with eating disorders in particular, do you think that would be a better alternative to psych wards or still more of the same shit?

Hey! So I have a pretty long answer to this cause I think it’s a complex topic and I’m going to do my best to answer it with nuance. You probably already know a lot of this stuff, but I’m just going to ramble a bit for any followers who aren’t as familiar. First I do just want to define the ways I’m using the different terms cause I know that these things can mean different things in different countries . When I talk about psych wards, I am referring to inpatient units, whether part of a larger hospital or not, that have the power to hold people involuntarily and is usually intended for shorter term stays for crisis stabilization. In America, this is usually the most restrictive level of care. Residential treatment is a separate facility that is focused on long term mental health treatment for weeks, months, or years, and can be either focused on a specific diagnosis (eating disorders or substance use, for example), or be a general mental health facility. Residential treatment really varies depending on the specific facility, but usually is on a secure unit with many restrictions and carceral aspects, although there are often some freedoms that are not present in the psych ward and many residential treatment centers only take voluntary patients. When I refer to Partial hospitalization programs, I’m talking about programs where you still live at home, but go to a facility multiple days a week to get group therapy and treatment while still having more freedom than either psych wards or residential treatment.

On a societal level, I don’t think that residential treatment or PHP is an alternative to psych wards that fixes the problems with psych wards. The underlying factors and approach to treatment that creates the conditions of violence and coercion in psych wards are still just as present in almost all levels of care in the current mental health system, and although the way that these things show up is going to look different based on the unique aspects of different levels of care, residential treatment and PHP doesn’t solve the larger problem. The way the American mental healthcare system is structured is so based on this pathologization model where autonomy is deprioritized over pretty much everything else. The specific abuses of involuntary treatment in psych wards is fundamentally caused by the dynamic in the psychiatric system where violence is easily justified in the name of cure. Mental illness is treated as the worst case scenario, with little room for other ways of understanding one’s lived experience and where often time the things people actually want (like access to specific meds, trauma treatment, ability to use stigmatized coping methods) is denied. The psych system is very much set up to be a “one size fits all” approach to wellness where instead of making room to understand neurodiversity as an inherent part of human experience, all mental illness is instantly assumed to be able to be scientifically observable and treatable in a way that ends up excluding many peoples lived experience of mental illness. The psych system is really not well set up to actually provide care and support to try to improve the mental distress that is very real and that people do need and want help for. Which is why I personally dream for a restructuring of the entire psych system that moves beyond the DSM, embraces harm reduction, is actively abolitionist, and empowers people to make autonomous choices. There’s no way to find that in a system based off control, birthed from eugenics, racism, and ableism, where capitalism shapes every available treatment option.

So under those conditions, residential treatment and PHP are not really a liberatory alternative to psych wards that solve the problems from psych wards. I wouldn’t advocate for more residential treatment on a policy level and act like it would be a solution to psychiatric incarceration. Residential treatment in particular still has many of the same problems as psych wards, as it really is still institutionalization and all the violence and coercion that comes with that. There is still supervision, power imbalances and abuses of those powers, and little respect for autonomy. A lot of places that are certified as “residential treatment centers” are basically just long term psych wards. Although there are some that do allow for more freedom, it’s such a broad category that it’s hard to know what to expect. PHP is something that I do feel more positive about advocating for, as it has less total control and you are not locked up, but it still works under some of the same mentalities.

On an individual level, however, I think that residential treatment and PHP can be options that individuals use as personal alternatives to psych wards in terms of their own treatment needs. There just simply aren’t enough widespread accessible alternatives for us to use as mentally ill people, and when our distress gets above a certain level where we cannot stay safe or don’t have the support we need in our communities, we often have to engage with the psychiatric system whether we like it or not. I think it’s unrealistic to pretend like we don’t have some sort of relationship with the psych system, whether that relationship is based in total rejection of any psych treatment, whether we take meds but don’t go to therapy, whether we can cope with just outpatient treatment or whether we have higher support needs that cannot be easily met outpatient. There can absolutely be benefits to mental health treatment, even under the current system—we usually just have to put up with a ton of bullshit in order to access moments of healing. And I think that residential treatment can be a better option than psych hospitalization depending on your needs, and that absolutely PHP is a less restrictive environment that can be a good option for some people. I personally have structured my approach to mental health treatment in order to avoid psych wards at all costs, but I’m more open to residential treatment because there is more risk management I can do there. With residential treatment, I could research beforehand, compare different places, and figure out what my own personal level of tolerance and nonnegotiable needs were. In my residential treatment facility, I was able to have my phone, do art, and knew that I could never be involuntarily held or forcibly restrained and drugged. For me, that worked as an alternative to psych hospitalization, but for some people, months spent in treatment is not what they need for short term crisis stabilization. Lots of residential treatment centers are also just as fucked up as psych wards and just as restrictive, so you need to be able to do research and make sure that you’re not ending up somewhere that’s just as fucked up. I think that PHP is a helpful thing that I wish was more accessible, and generally doesn’t have as many risks as higher levels of care. Even though a lot of PHP is bullshit, having the structure and support during the day can be invaluable when you’re really in distress. It really depends on your needs and what options are available to you, but I think it’s really important for us as mad/mentally ill/ neurodivergent people to be made aware of what all our options are so that we can make informed decisions.

Overall: I don’t think residential treatment and PHP are alternatives to psych wards in a societal sense because I don’t think that they solve the underlying problems of psych wards, but I think that on an individual level when you’re navigating the current system, that they can be important levels of care to consider and make informed decisions about.

Would love to hear other peoples thoughts on this!

#personal #antipsych #antipsychiatry #disability justice #mad pride #psych wards tw #ask to tag