#and its worse than ever

[soldier-poet-king]

I love my Nonna dearly but I also just got my first real "here's how you should find a man" advice so truly 2023 IS my Charlotte Lucas year

To be fair, I'll give them credit, this is one of the first times my family has pulled this shit on me. I suppose my "I'm too busy focusing on school" excuse that I used through all 8 years of undergrad and grad school doesn't really work now that I've been working full-time for a year. And she also didn't bring it up in front of everyone or out of the blue, it came up because we had been discussing how insane my motherhas been about babies lately and my Nonna said "oh it's BC she's waiting for grandkids"

And like??? Just because my mother got married and had kids by my age (which may have been the right decision for her, this isn't judging even if I think her life went to shit bc of it) doesn't mean it's the right decision for ME

In fact, it is the ABSOLUTE WRONG decision for me. Theres a whole long list of reasons why I'm not getting married + or having children, including but not limited to: the trauma of my parents marriage and my childhood, my own ongoing health stuff, the whole religious queer anxiety guilt complex I've got going, the fact that if I were to get pregnant the resulting mental health crisis and dysphoria would undoubtedly make me *** y'know not soemthing that is frequently a source of nightmares for me or anything, my inability to take care of myself let alone CHILDREN, and the anxiety of raising children religious when I don't even know wtf is going on with me, CHILDREN??? IN THIS ECONOMY????

Ofc I can't exactly say any of this to my Nonna who, while incredibly sweet and loving and Good, is also like. Not at all exposed to these concepts and would probably freak out if I was like hello yes I am a big fat queer and I rlly hate the concept of gender and societal ideas of womanhood :) it also doesn't help that rlly the only single, middle aged woman my Nonna knows is this lady who works at the church who is DEFINITELY a badly closeted lesbian but also she's super fuckin mean and condescending and no one likes her BC she's a bitch, on top of the whole being a badly closeted lesbian in a conservative heteronormative religious environment

Like even IF I were to get licitly Catholic married to a man. You wanna find one for me??? My Nonna was like "go to church more to find a man" HELLO??? WHERE??I GO TO MASS EVERY WEEK?? Every religious man I know irl is a radtrad women can't wear pants type or is a manchild. Even if I COULD find a normal man, he'd have to get real cool about some stuff real quick. In that forever dilemma of too leftist queer for the religious and too religious for the leftist queers. (Obvs your partner doesn't have to be your duplicate but I'm like. Generally being on the same page. The same BALLPARK. is probably conducive to having a healthy relationship, y'know?)

Besides a significant part of my having 0 social life is because I am living in my parents basement which is in a shitty not-a-suburb of mostly immigrant families with youngish kids or super old folks from when the neighborhood was built, so it's poor and run down but also super fuckin far from anything To Do, so it's the WORST of both worlds of urban sprawl. And I have no car. And I already spend 2.5 hrs a day commuting for work. And I'm chronically tired. And joining a fencing club or taking art class or whatever costs MONEY y'know the thing I'm trying to SAVE by living in this hell place???? She literally said in the same convo "live here as long as possible to save money" like??? YOU CANT HAVE UR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO as long as I'm living here I'm NOT going out and meeting ppl BC there is literally Nowhere To Go. Big box stores like Walmart? Yet another strip mall? The highway??? THIS IS SOULLESS HELL of neither nature NOR accessible city amenities

And anyway, I would rather be in a long term marriage for tax benefits relationship anyway. Not platonic, not romantic, but a secret third thing (jk but also serious). Like. Mutual devotion that blurs the lines and transcends labels. It could be completely chaste. It could not be. It's not a dealbreaker really. It's about trust and devotion and companionship and love. But also I'm insane and I KNOW how insane and obsessive I sound, and society prioritizes nuclear family relationships and not the weird ass shit I crave, and I feel too much too fast and would ruin any relationship I had even if I WERE to somehow find someone who prioritizes those things too

So like. It's fine. Most days (not all ofc, but I'm trying) I'm okay with this and being on my own and learning to cultivate my own peace and Goodness and I know who I am and what I believe and what I trust to be Good and I'm working toward that and I'm not sacrificing it for anything. But also. Can you give a bitch a break. Please. I'm so fkin tired

#franposting #my bday isnt even til JUNE #im going to bitch anyway #im genuinely really upset but part of that is bc my headache has come back #and its worse than ever #i might cry but my head already hurts too much #i got really good news at work and only the men in my family made a big deal #the women were just. meh. and ofc none of them have careers so why should ot be important to me? #as the only granddaughter ofc :)))) #i am going. to crawl into bed. hair washed. lavender candle on. #do a lil meal planning. and then read or maybe just sleep. #tmrws goals after church are gym and grocery shopping before dnd #have to make my body hurt so much i cant think again #ofc bro 1 has claimed the car. so maybe i cant go #god. gos. i fuckin need to get out of here #but i literally cannot afford even studio apt rent in the city #and moving to one of the boroughs doesnt gwt me any closer to anything esp without a car #literally. just like. fuckin kill me #or find me a decently paid not soul killing job in a smaller city or even a town #where i could have a garden #or a porch swing. sit in. the sunlight

[sophie-baybey]

Tumblr is going to become far worse over the next couple years leaning further into targeted ads, gathering user information, and generally no longer doing the Only Things This Site Does Right, and I would like to firmly predict that all of the blame will be put on the influx of twitter refugees, instead of the plain truth that tumblr has been shifting its goals for a long time now (banner ads, leaning into and owning the "hellsite" reputation, selling merch of old tumblr memes, experimenting with ads that cover a quarter of your screen while you scroll (although those are thankfully gone now)).

The tumblr staff have shown they finally understand their community, and as the website's reputation heals, shareholders and suits are going to push for more and more money to be squeezed out of this place. This path was set in motion long ago, and I'm going to be real grumpy when the blame all gets pushed aside to just point fingers at the twitter people.

#been here since 2012 #i know the lay of the land #what is tumblr blaze and premium other than their own versions of twitter blue? #this isnt doomsaying btw this is just the direction things have been going #no social media will ever be perfect #some obviously far worse than others #but ex twitter users arent gonna be the reason this place gets worse #its kinda just capitalism

[stewykablooey]

UNFUCKABLE

#GOOD MORNING #CANT EVEN GET FUCKED ON THE WE WANT TO FUCK KENDALL ROY WEBSITE HE IS LITERALLY THE JESTER OF HIS OWN COURT #truly the funniest thing to ever happen to him like this is worse than losing the company and he doesn’t even know its happened #kendall roy i wish you were real so you could see this #succession #m

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you. I'm sorry.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jin guangyao #lan wangij #jin ling #LWJ shifting into fight mode was so damn cool. He is always ready to start throwing hands. #It's in a way that befits someone with a bit more bloodlust that his calm demeanor lets on - but nearly always in defense of someone. #What a great synergy with his personal philosophies! see that he is a Genuinely Noble Guy time and time again! #Is is also way more hilarious and unhinged than most people give him credit for? Also yes. #Nothing and no one ever said he did not or would not rip off JGY's hat mid-fight. I think LWJ needs to snatch more wigs LITERALLY. #Yes I'm delaying the part where I have to address the emotional turmoil of Jin Ling stabbing wwx. It gutted me terribly. #What is worse that realizing that someone you respected has done horrible things #than discovering someone who did horrible things being a kind and trustworthy person? #What is more horrifying that realizing other people are extremely complex and cannot be categorized into black and white? #When people hurt us or our loved ones we very much want to make them out to be irredeemable monsters. But they are not. #It is not actually such a terrible fate to just be a person. To be forgiven and forgive is possible. To change is possible. #This lesson is hard. It is something you have to actively challenge yourself to do. Black and white is the innate path to go down. #And its *why* I love Jin Ling so much. He is the character who fights the longest and hardest to challenge social and personal beliefs #He gets a pass for stabbing wwx for being so deliciously conflicted and tormented by it. #And with wrists THAT limp I can't imagine the wound was particularly deep

[haunted-xander]

Sometimes I think about Urianger's role in and feelings on the Thancred-Ryne dynamic and I think watching it kills him a bit inside. For several reasons.

Like, to begin with there's the guilt he's been carrying with him since he ushered Minfilia to the first, how he effectively killed the person Thancred cared about the most in the world and who's "death" ended up causing Ryne's entire Situation. He looks at what's happening between them and can only think "I caused this" even though that's not really true. No one person is responsible for this outcome, it's a culmination of several circumstances and the consequences of them. Logically, Urianger knows this. But it doesn't matter, because his guilt is overpowering his logic.

And also, like. What Thancred is doing here, the way he's knowingly letting Ryne be and stay hurt because he literally cannot bring himself to tell her his feelings, is the exact same mistake Urianger made with Moenbryda. Of course, the circumstances are vastly different, and the potential consequences to Thancred telling Ryne the wrong things or her misinterperating it is far greater (being a matter of literal life or death), it's still the same sort of paralysis they are trapped in.

And he knows it. He sees it. But he can't say or do anything about it, he doesn't have the right to. He acknowledges the mistake, but he hasn't really improved upon it yet. He still doesn't voice his thoughts and feelings as he should. He's also non-confrontational by nature, he doesn't argue or try to change peoples minds, he probably doesn't think he has any place to.

So, he tries to help in what little ways he can. Because he doesn't want it to become Monebryda again, he doesn't want to know he stole not one but two people from Thancred. So he does what he can. He tells Ryne little tidbits about Thancred, things that help her understand him but are safe to share. Nothing too deep, nothing too personal. Just small things, things that are purely factual, because he can't afford to give her a false image of who Thancred is. He teacher her fun and interesting things, because Thancred isn't in the mindset to provide her with non-essential skills.

I like to think Urianger has brought it up with Thancred at least once, during one of his stays. But nothing would've come of it. Not really. Unlike Y'shtola, Urianger isn't pushy, he'll bring it up once or twice and when he sees this won't go anywhere, he gives up. He wants to help, but he knows that persistance only does do much, and he is not the person who has the resiliance needed to push and push until Thancred finally budges (because he won't budge, it won't help anything but to sour things further by adding aditional stress to an already strained dynamic).

And like. Urianger gets it. He gets it because he's been the same way- not saying what he should to someone he loves more than anything else because she was meant to figure her life out herself, and 'steering' her in any direction by telling her his feelings (regardless of if the 'steering' is intention or not) will go against that. He gets it. He gets it and it's all the more painful for it. He knows it can't just be fixed by acknowledging it or with encouragement, something needs to happen to break the stasis.

I think this is probably why he stayed behind while they went off to Nabaath Areng. This is the very last chance they have to say what they want to, and he can't afford to be the anchor anymore. This is about them, not him, he can't let their resolution be buffed by his presence, so he stays behind. Which was probably for the best. Ryne got nervous when Urianger said he's staying behind, probably not too excited about being alone with Thancred (well, not alone, but WoL doesn't count) so soon after she had ran away crying. But she needs to be nervous. For anything positive to come out of this Thancred and Ryne both can't afford to be too relaxed. As sad as it is, the stress is necessary for anything to happen. He knows it. Does he like it? Absolutely not, but nor does he like his other plots. At least no one dies this time if it goes right.

#urianger had an integral part in the thancred-ryne situation and i think its very important to remember that #like i think he served as a very important buffer that prevented the dynamic from becoming even more strained than it already was #but also like. ryne NEEDED to have at least someone she can be comfortable around without the stress of her circumstances souring it #urianger is uniquely suited to play that role. even with his guilt regarding minfilia he never showed anything but genuine kindness for her #it helps that she didnt know about his hand in the situation existing to begin with (as shes surprised when he tells her in ahm areang) #THATS ALSO IMPORTANT BTW. like this man had a DIRECT hand in making this happen (even if it isnt fully his fault. minfilia made her choice) #AND LIKE. the parallels between uri-moen and thancred-ryne. they both love these girls so so much but cant bring themselves to say anything #urianger has been through the pain before. he knows. but he hasnt improved much himself. what right does he have to scold thancred? #silent support is all he can give. pushing thancred would make him a hypocrite and risk making it worse. hes not suited for confrontation #y'shtola and uriangers approaches to helping both have their merits but it needs a balance #too much pushing and the dynamic just gets worse but too forgiving and nothing will ever change #and yes i know im just repeating myself but ITS IMPORTANT OK #GOD #urianger augurelt #thancred waters #ryne waters #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #xander rambles #xander being insane about ryne #urianger actually this time but. its related to ryne so. it gets the tag

[mari-monsta]

New adrinette au where adrien is the ( surpriscingly hot) driving instructor and marinette is the still-hasent-gotten-her-liscence-yet 24 year old who is a horrible horrible driver

#cue antics of marinette being the worst driver adrien has ever seen #and marinette being even WORSE at driving than she normally is #because she was expecting some balding guy or snarky old lady to teach her driving not this adorable kind and patient young dude #anyway its just a lot of marinette being an absolute menace on the road and adrien trying to pretend like hes not fearing for his life #bye anyway im so tired and im sick of working please let ke go home

[jacobglaser]

Well this absolutely sucks.

#vice is responsible for some of the funniest articles ive ever read and also some of the best reporting on far right dingdongs #im currently watching some more news' video about the internet killing journalism that literally came out 2 weeks ago #and its obviously only gonna get worse. unfortunately i reckon rolling stone might be the next to go. some of my fave writers went there #after other sites died but the EOC stepping down a few weeks ago doesnt bode well #anyway everyone go subscribe to the worker owned sites like defector discourse blog and 404 media! #because they're needed more than ever! #vice #vice news

[wyldblunt]

the gang is currently on lws4

#my ocs #marina ocs #glyndwr #alan #merrit #lorelei #merrilei #does this count as glynalan if 1. its a shitpost and 2. at this point they are Extremely broken-up and seeing other ppl but alan is- #-starting to redevelop a crush again despite being the one who broke it off in the first place. even though glyn is worse than ever. #anyway #my art

[solarpunkani]

Psst, hey.

Hey you.

Come closer.

Listen to what I'm about to say good and well, alright?

#out of queue #ani rambles #anti ai #anti ai art #solarpunk #solarpunk aesthetic #does this have the official backing of the other 2 event hosts? no i just made this meme on a whim #but also if you try submitting AI art and we find out? or worse if I can flat-out TELL its AI? I'm blocking your ass #one of the best artists I've ever had the pleasure of knowing won't touch the Solarpunk community with a 10 foot pole because of all the #goddamn AI art infiltrating this space. constantly. like even when I'm trying to be on the lookout for it I somehow reblog it anyways #even when I block the tags too!!!! this is a PROBLEM #you want more artists taking part in this community spreading the vision visualizing the future? #STOP REBLOGGING AI BULLSHIT AND CHASING THEM AWAY THEN #how are artists supposed to feel accepted and appreciated and loved by this community when every other piece under the tag is some fuckin #midjourney bs made my scrubbing the internet and spitting out a mishmash of other artists' works and ideas? #i have said it before I will say it again #i would rather see a messy pen scribble on the back of a coffee stained napkin with stickfigures than see some smooth smudgy AI BS again #this applies to AI writing too if I catch an INKLING that your short story even STARTED with some bs chatgpt ramblings you're blocked

[fate-defiant]

🦋~I want you to kiss me, I want you to remake me I want to drown in this moment of captivation~🦋

(I fucking did it dear god that was so many fucking layers)

#princess tutu #ahirue #ahiru #duck #rue #fanart #my art #this was by all means supposed to be a quick shitpost #but then I was looking at the sketch and the flats #and was like “this is bleak. dismal. i can do More” #so i did it for realsies and look how pretty it turned out #it feels good to complete something #i havent done that since like 2020?...21? i dont remeber 💀 #and i can't lie i had fun figuring out the shading on the hair and skin #it was very fun #i mightve drowned this in way too many glowy effects though. i tend to do that a lot #but I decidedly do not care look how dope all that glitter is this was so fuuuuuun #if the lighting seems bogus no it isnt and bullshitting the light source is an honored artistic tradition. so #do not @me about anything ever #god tumblr nerfed the image quality so much #i was gonna upload this as JPEG but that looked even worse than this #well whatever. whatever #hitting post now good night IM DONE. 10 HOURS BABY I DID IT ITS A FINISHED ILLUSTRATION WHOO HOOOOOOOO

[blighted-lights]

having to restrain myself from making a ridiculously long meta analysis of mtmte ravage and why there was so much potential lost for him + why narritvely his character works but the narrative doesn't work for his character. i have no idea how if word any of it but. i am so so tempted.

ravage does what the narrative needs him to do very well! but in order to do that, it fucks up some important key points of his characterization. plot points are picked up and then dropped, his abilities are forgotten about frequently, and he's passively treated as an animal despite the original emphasis that ravage isn't a pet. he's such a weird character in mtmte. wish i could word what i wanna say about him in a way that i like.

#blight rambles #transformers meta #transformers #maccadams #maccadam #more than meets the eye #mtmte #lost light #idw transformers #tf idw #idw tf #idw1 #tf idw1 #ravage #tf ravage #idw ravage #mtmte ravage #transformers ravage #(kicks rock) there is a lot about mtmte ravage that i like and a lot i dont like. the duality of man #makes it worse that theres no ravage POV or arc where ravage is the main focus. he's always very background until dotl #where he dies. and spends his lasr few minutes only talking about megatron and praising how big brained megs is #its so strange #theres never any payoff with his dynamic with nautica. he has nothing to say about the djd. he never brings up the decepticons again after #slaughterhouse. just. ?? #his presence on the lost light is so odd because it feels like everyone mostly ignores that hes there. no one ever really brings up the fact #that ravage. an infamous decepticon spy. is just ON THE LOST LIGHT. which is full of autobots (+ cyclonus and ten) #dont even get me started on ravage and ten #scheduled

[erinchristmaselvis]

Do you want us to hold up here?

#obx #obxedit #jiara #jiaraedit #obx spoilers #jj maybank #kiara carrera #jj x kiara #obxhub #jiarasource #userlinnea #userreina #mine #its the way he looks at her and knows things are going back to normal now #and normal means he is never gonna have her #cause she deserves better #it feels so much worse than before cause he experienced what it would feel like if they were together #the way he looks back at her and the place she lives in #why would she ever chose to be with him?

[lightningbig]

first place worthy grange display. surely

#stardew valley #i love that u still get the shorts back after this so u can just keep tormenting lewis forever #stuck in a timeloop but its just ur undies being displayed at the yearly fair #sdv #anyway my stardew obsession is back and worse (better) than ever. i am mildly worried that i've cooked my laptop

[god-of-this-new-blog]

Treats for L

#hehe redraws and revamps! #if you recognize these images shhhh no you dont! you don’t remember when they used to look worse shhhhh #anyway! #lawlight #light yagami #death note #my art #I will never stop doing the concept of ‘things for L’ and then its a sweet treat and Light #hehe one and the same tho tbh #you guys have no CLUE how much better Light looks here than in the original. Fussing with old pieces always pays off 100% of the time #(that is untrue. I’m just ill can’t can’t deal with any public art not being to MY insane standards) #You guys think L ever puts frosting on Light’s dick? #I think it probably happened once and Light hated it :)

[nerdy-hyperfixations]

To me, the biggest difference between comic Wallace and Anime Wallace is that Comic Wallace is like a normal guy who (imo) is very obviously still just a 25 year old making stupid decisions and working in shitty jobs and barely getting by, and he just looks more competent when standing next to massive boy-failure Scott (and because hes sassy and carefree). and Anime Wallace is beloved by the universe, so he just gets an acting job for being Wallace, with 5 stunt doubles (that he bargained for with a lawyer Comic Wallace probably could never afford. Seriously, where did he get that money??? Did he seduce a lawyer???????) and a millionaire husband, and lives in a millionaire mansion where he drinks all day and never has to work again. And like good for him, I guess? Slay.

#scott pilgrim #scott pilgrim vs the world #scott pilgrim takes off #wallace wells #been meaning to make this post for awhile #comic wallace is so normal #and then anime Wallace just gets everything ever imaginable #and im not even hating on this #its funny and like yes queen slay #but it also feels so very unusual- #“get a better lawyer baby” WHERE DID YOU GET THAT LAWYER THO???? #tell me how Envy. popstar Envy Adams got a WORSE lawyer than Wallace who barely pays rent????? #he signed the contract BEFORE he got any actor money so where did that money come from??? #maybe he took a loan out and paid it off with his acting money #thats probably it

[pixelatedraindrops]

Yuma Month: Day 25: Broken

Night terrors, burning body temperature, delirious hallucinations, and glassy faded vision…

Helpless and afraid, he calls out for his caretaker…but he’s not there…

He’s all alone now…with no one to help…

Completely broken.

#Yuma Month 2024 #I put a preview just as a warning of what you'll get into #whumpcode #rain code #master detective archives: rain code #yuma kokohead #illness whump #fever whump #pixeldoodles #my art #the only way I know how to truly break a character #this is post game yuma who has fallen ill on one of his cases #pushing himself too hard despite his failing health #now he’s worse and while his fever rises after a nightmare #he suffers from ragged breathing hallucinations and delirium #rendering him back to his amnesia personality #scared helpless and wanting support #he briefly remembers his caretaker from the NDA #he calls his name but there’s no answer #its dark and scary and he doesn't know where he is #he wants someone anyone to be with him #but he’s all alone now…and very ill with no one to aid him #this is what can happen when you fly solo yuma ;-; #this might be the worst I’ve ever done to him... ^^; #is there a good ending here? I'll leave that to your head. #I think I got carpel tunnel from drawing this... ORZ #karma ig 😅 anyway tomorrow's will be non whump #i just went a little crazy w this one... XD #art is a mess but at least it looks ragged & dark as I intended it to #definitley more detailed than the others tho lol