#and ive also been having trouble sleeping so thats what i do

[chelleisamazing]

I just finished reading the 'God Save the Blessed American President Mom' fic and I sobbed hard through it all..

#god Im a wreck rn but I needed that cry #my anxiety at work has been so bad lately... #heaviness in my chest shaking hands kind of anxious and its been awful #and the best i can do for myself rn is come home and just disconect reading wholesome rwrb fics #and ive also been having trouble sleeping so thats what i do #until my eyes get too tired #bc i guess some part of me doesnt wanna wake up next morning #and go in rto work and get drilled with emotionally draining work and deal with stupid shit/people #not my coworkers/friend tho #i love them sm they keep me sane ♡ #I'll never say it to those dummies but I think they're pretty neat ♡ #just here avoiding more sleep writing this #and hoping tomorrow is the day it finally gets better #but not really feeling that hopeful... #either way.. #at least i can always escape into alex and henry's love-filled world at some point of the day and worry about nothing ♡ #loads of rambly tags but #truthfully-- no piece of media has ever touched me like this #and it really feels like it heals something in me for a while ♡ #been thinking if I should see a therapist again too... #but im pretty sure my insurance doesmt cover it... #anyway #goodnight and here's to hoping #sad? little post #stuff

[hecksupremechips]

Ooooooghhhhhhhhh stressed 🥺

#dont wanna see family tomorrow and im sleeping saur bad lately i couldnt sleep last night and then had a typical fever dream #which gave me a really cute idea for a movie so im gonna keep it in my pocket #but it was one of those things where its like it says a whole lot about me and my trauma and its stressful #um um um and also im juggling all these different things like im sewing im trying to finally write im trying to draw again #while feeling like im failing at it all and then like i still gotta find fuckinnnnn job i neeeeeed money #this time of year is always really hard for me i hate when its warm again i hate easter and i hate knowing that summer is coming #aaghhhh rn im ticking and stimming really bad and im having trouble breathing hnnghhh #and im very sweaty lol i always get so sweaty when i dont sleep good i dont get it #also i think im just horrible like the one person i wanna talk to probably is getting tired of my constant life crisis and how needy i am #and theyre probably off being better without me there and im just a burden and then my therapist idk about him #i dont feel like hes really giving me anything like when i talk about how stressed and unsafe i am hes like you gotta find a way to cope #and he doesnt really tell me how exactly i should do that like mate thats why im here i need the help you cant just listen to me panic and #go ‘wow you need to fix that’ ughhhh and i think hes mad at me because i dont think he believes me anymore when i say im in an abusive #situation and that ive been controlled my whole life by everyone and i have never felt safe #and its just like ughhh like i feel like no one believes me anymore and theyre all fed up with my bullshit incompetence and constant #bellyaching and im a horrible friend and a liar and probably just being dramatic as fuck making myself believe im being abused when in #reality im the abuser the ungrateful brat who treats his family like shit and cant trust them even though they seem so perfect to everyone #and im so stupid and toxic for trying to run away and for being scared to death here #thats how its feeling anyway idk everyone is just. weird and im losing my grip on reality and cant tell whats real anymore

[celaenaeiln]

it’s a me a 12 am anon . my girlfriend and i had a discussion abt how odd it is that the fandom views and stereotypes the batfam like

dick is romanian and has more fem related traits and somehow it translates into him being a dumb womanizer or just an annoying mother hen?

jason grew up in the streets, i think its popular to hc him as hispanic? idk but jts odd how ppl do that and also think hes an angry heartless brute

cass gets that “badass asian dragon lady” archetype (tbh im not sure what it is but my gf is passionate abt it so like im confident she’s right)

tim?? somehow ive seen wasian hcs for him but the boy is autistic right? somehow a stereotype i see for him is like “weird and socially awkward but super smart” which . i dont think thats right .

steph is adhd right? i think? also falls into the dumb “waffles r my only personality trait” stereotype and uts just a tiny bit odd dyou see it?

damian (and by extension talia) gets done dirty a lot i think i dont .yeah

nyways sorry its been a while <3 would llve to hear ur thoughts n opinions

hey again!!

Batfam fanon is...not great. And it's things like this that remind me why I kinda avoided this fandom until I couldn't.

Dick

Dick is Romani and is canonically more feminized but the dumb womanizer thing is really getting on my nerves. First of all, he's one of the smartest characters, ever. The comforting thing about Dick is that he never loses.

The reason I love reading Dick Grayson runs is because I can read about his thought process, the way he analyzes, how he single-handedly solves crime like it's nothing.

Batman (1940) Issue #703

Secondly he's not a womanizer. He literally has a mental break down at the thought of dating or even kissing someone he isn't in love with. He's never, ever, ever going to sleep with someone he doesn't have atleast some level of romantic attraction to because he feels it's inherently wrong and canonically frowns upon that behavior when others do it.

The mother hen thing - I gotta admit is kinda accurate. He really loves his family and friends and takes care of them really well. He always makes time to sit and listen to all of them with all their problems and helps them solve it so that's fine.

Jason

The hispanic thing - what the actual heck. Literally why? Jason's "hispanic" fanon background along with Tim's "asian" background comes from a wider problem where society has become disillusioned by the same ethnicity for all characters and wants for diversity and representation in the media. I actually do believe in greater representation but not here. When people make Jason hispanic due to his street backstory, they're attempting to diversify canonically white characters but accidentally reinforcing and perpetrating damaging stereotypes about particular ethnicities. Because his background has drugs, poverty, and crime - you want Jason to be Latino? Can you possibly make things worse? And Jason being an angry heartless brute. Not even adding to the stereotype, Jason was not like that. Jason originally started off as troubled but excited kid. He was happy about fighting criminals and having a home and getting food. As he grew older, the more criminals he fought, he came to a realization that people weren't going to change which is when he started getting more violent and angry with them. He didn't do it because he was some sort of psychopath, it's because he cared a lot about the effects these criminals were having on innocent people. Because he can relate. His anger has nothing to do with his supposed "hispanic" background which is still - ?!?!? Why is this even a thing.

Cass

I don't really have anything to say about Cass being that archetype because tbh I kinda think of her like that too. She's exceptionally good at fighting, she's chinese, and she's the strong and silent type. I'd love to hear more about what your gf thinks about it though.

Tim

Again about Tim being Asian. No where near as damaging as Jason being classified Hispanic but also why? He's asian because he's smart? Because he's good at computers? C'mon the stereotype is boring. Isn't it exciting when you watch a movie or show and the Indian guy isn't an IT specialist? Or when the Chinese girl has neon highlights and loves partying? Or when the Japanese girl is rocking combat boots? The best way to appreciate diversity is actually letting ethnic characters have diverse personalities and talents. On a side note, there is not nearly enough celebration of already canonically diverse characters like Roy's navajo heritage or Jessica Cruz's latina one. Isn't it ironic how we're making racialized characters based on stereotypes because we believe there should be more diversity but ignoring canonically ethnic ones. Literally noone talks about Cass connecting to her Chinese side or the fact that she has dyslexia but we're readily jumping on the Asian Tim Drake train.

Autistic Tim Drake I can see where they're coming from because Tim sometimes has a hard time connecting to people. Like he sometimes misses social cues. And to be fair this theory actually has more credibility than some other ones because I don't know if I'd pass that off as awkwardness. But it also may be due to lack of human interaction. Tim's parents left him alone for long periods of time which he gleefully used to track robin and batman at night. I don't have a problem with this one because Tim may actually be inadvertently written as autistic at times so I guess it wouldn't be that far off canon.

Steph

People with ADHD are typically impulsive, don't focus on one thing for too long, and have a lot of energy which is very much like Steph.

Batgirl (2009) Issue #10

But mostly she just has a sense of humor. Which - like the case with Dick - because of course people can't be multifaceted, fandom generally takes for stupidity.

She's not dumb, she's just fun. I guess the waffle thing is because of human beings' pathological need to classify everything into categories and fanon likes to run with dumb blonde for Stephanie which really ticks me off. People can not be a gloomy avenger and still be smart. She solves her crimes and has a laugh while doing it and still pulling off the -

Batgirl (2009) Issue #12

Damian

Where do I start. What is even happening to him? Not in fandom necessarily but canon. What is DC doing???

#rant post #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #cassandra cain #black bat #stephanie brown #batgirl #damian wayne #fanon vs canon #cl 12 am anon asks #thanks for the ask!

[vorpalfae]

ive been living with sensory issues my whole life, i freak out when someone makes small changes to my routine, like i hate doing spontaneous things, most of the time i hate physical affection, & i have such a hard time socializing & making friends. i have bipolar disorder and other disorders like anxiety, etc. but my treatment for those things doesn't help with these other issues i have. i hate being like this and i want to work toward change but i don't know what to do to work toward it. 😞

like i said i have trouble making friends and i always have since i was a kid. i've always felt like an alien compared to other ppl. and that's fine because i prefer being alone. but i hate that i can't act normal in social situations and ppl always think im rude or weird when im not trying to be 😢 and it sucks because i kinda have to be in social settings sometimes because i have children. and i dread it for these reasons every time. nobody is interested in the same things as me. and when i talk about my interests ppl tell me im too obsessed with something or tell me its weird altogether. which hurts. and when i am able to make "friends" i always get taken advantage of because i can never tell when someone is taking advantage of me and my kindness or if they have malicious intentions with me. and i feel stupid every time because my bf will tell me they are "obviously playing you" or my mom will say stuff like "can't you tell that they aren't interested?" or the one i always get is "why can't you see that this guy is flirting with you/trying to sleep with you."

idk if im just having a panic attack or a mental breakdown or what. but this has been building up inside of me for years. i feel so stupid and weird. i have to carry lotion around with me because if my hands don't have moisture on them at all times i literally sit there with chills going up my spine and i can't touch anything. certain clothes make me want to rip my skin off. and my family gets annoyed every time i have to run back in the house because i forgot to grab it. which just adds to the guilt i feel for being this way and i can't control these issues no matter how hard i try.

i've literally made so many lists and "rules" for myself on how to act around ppl and i try so hard to follow them just to get through whatever event is going on.

i think thats why i throw myself into my interests and use them to escape reality so much. once i find something i like i become obsessed with it forever and i talk about it so much to the point where my bf tells me its too much. certain characters and shows are the only thing that brings me comfort sometimes. i have so many unnecessary lists and categories for my interests. i know its very time consuming and pointless but just having them makes me feel better. like pinterest for example is my best friend lol. making these lists and stuff just soothes me in a way. as stupid as that sounds. but even tho it comforts me it still makes me feel stupid because ive never met anyone else who does that.

i've never ever spoken about this stuff online/publicly before. mainly because of embarrassment and fear of being bullied for it since ive already been relentlessly harassed for a million other things. i just have so much anxiety all the time. and doing pointless things helps with it but i want to stop feeling this way. or at least have answers as to why i am this way so maybe i can fix it. im tired of feeling awkward or different from other ppl. i want to be normal and pleasant to be around. i want to get along with the other parents at school functions instead of being scared to talk to ppl. i can't even make eye contact with anyone i talk to. ive tried since i was LITERALLY a child and no matter what i always get scared or nervous and look away. and its really noticeable to other ppl because they've mentioned it to me.

i'm posting this to vent but also maybe someone reading this has gone through the same thing or can help me. because i feel so hopeless and im scared im going to be this way forever. ive only been able to find info on the sensory thing and ive found that there is no way to get rid of it. ive tried everything and ive given up on that. but i know i can change my actions and how i interact with ppl if i can just figure out WHY i am like this.

pls don't laugh at me or say anything mean if you choose to comment on this post. i already have so much anxiety and fear about posting it. i don't want sympathy or anything like that. i just need help 😞🥺😢

i have an appointment booked for seeing a psychiatrist but that isn't until november i haven't seen one since i was a little kid. so i'm hoping to maybe get some answers in the meantime.

i already can't work and im getting disability soon because my bipolar is so crippling. it affects my ability to function so much. and i have these other problems on top of it. the fact that i can't even make a living like "normal" ppl makes me feel bad about myself already. and since i can't get a job or a career i want i just want to feel normal in my everyday life and around ppl AT THE VERY LEAST.

#kh

[prestonmonterey]

hey so im v curious about like reality shifting and stuff but idk much about it and i have some questions

hii ok

im like

a bit eepy

but ill try to make my thoughts make sense

so

(forgive me, i wanna learn more about shifting and the community, but all of my knowledge comes from inherently critical sources, so im sorry if i come off as rude or anything, im not trying to be i genuinely want to learn more about this)

reality shifting

to my understanding

is like...kinda a combination of fiction/fanfic and dreaming.

and it stems from the idea of the multiverse?

and the idea. that you can exchange your consciousness with someones from another timeline/parallel universe

and usually this happens when youre dreaming or begins when you sleep

so

(also plz correct me if im wrong on any of the stuff above)

now onto question stuff

i think its pretty important, that like. a lot of the stuff ive seen around shifting and like, response to any criticism is basically like 'youre the only person holding yourself back" like, anyone can shift, so if you cant its your fault

and on one hand i guess this could be motivational? like as long as you try hard enough its possible?

basically i want to make sure it isnt hurting peoples self esteem or mental health

but also. i. had a similar experience with lucid dreaming when i was a kid. my mom had a phase about lucid dreaming and was telling me all about it and was like 'you should try it' so i did. i tried. over and over. to somehow just 'realize' i was dreaming and take control. it never worked for me. and my mom was like 'well i guess youre just not trying hard enough'

and it was really disheartening bc ive always had trouble with sleep (might have like. insomnia or something. ive never been able to sleep well through a full night even before my life was consumed by screens.) and ive always had extremely strange dreams. and in my waking mind of course i know that if my teacher turned into an octopus with an apple for a head (yes this did happen in a dream) i would definitely notice and be like 'hey, thats not right' but it doesnt work like that in dreams. in my dreams it kinda feels like my impulses control me and i dont have any sense of self or logic.

and it felt awful to be told that it was my fault that i couldnt do it.

i also know that lucid dreaming somewhat ties into shifting so thats one of my other concerns, bc ive never been able to lucid dream and i dont know if i ever will

also idk where to put this but like. safety is important to me. i have friends who shift and i want to make sure they arent like, actually at risk of dying? and even seperate from that im wondering if people use this as a form of escapism too often that it becomes unhealthy and like negatively affects other aspects of their life

next question: is there proof

of course theres going to be anecdotal evidence from individuals in the community, and thats super alright. but sometimes people make things up. and sometimes people tell made up things to young, impressionable children who carry those falsehoods into life. and im worried about that

ok so ive read like 1 artice about this all. but immediately it brought up a major red flag for me. it gave an example of a study on shifting. but. it didnt cite its sources

and if anyones wondering that is a huge no-no. anyone can make up conclusions from made up studies. the point of studies is to show that people who are properly educated and know what theyre doing support these claims.

now im not saying shifting is made up in any way. it just seems sketchy to me that seemingly widespread sources talk about studies but theres no links or anything. theyre basically saying 'i saw a thing about it. just trust me.'

also uhh...idk much about the multiverse. but from what i understand. it comes from the idea of free will. and that every time anyone makes a descision, a parallel universe is created where they made a different descision. so i get that that could change a lot of things about the world like the rate of inventions and industrialization and wars and stuff. but really the shifting that ive seen most is into more fantasy leaning worlds. and im kinda wondering how thats possible in the multiverse? like sure theres infinite timelines...but most of those timelines will just be like. the same as this one but samantha chose to put on her right sock first instead of her left sock or something. and physics still applies, right? so how does hogwarts exist? does hogwarts exist? if magic is real in a parallel universe, is it real here?

so basically to sum it up my main questions are:

how do we know shifting is possible for everyone?

is it safe? (mentally, physically etc)

is lucid dreaming necessary?

is there any proof or credible source that i can look to for more info?

and how does this tie into the multiverse theory

also if anyone has any information about scripting and like evrything about reality shifting that would be great

i wanna learn more but im afraid of finding misinformation

ty :3

#marble musings #reality shifting #shifting #shifting questions

[lowlaif]

Konpeito

never seen a star up close.

kinda wanna eat one.

and no, not one of those starlets hanging out in ridiculously overpriced LA villas - now finally available in "sustainable" minus an ecological footprint rivaling the size of their range rovers. the owner will fly in from two towns over so they get there early for their yearly yacht trip and ill activate adblock so palantir cant pester me with 50-euro airline ads to the maldives because shit, money is going to be a bit tight this month

i want to eat a star. actual heaps of gas and space dust and heat and whatdoiknow, im not a scientist, id rather not belie my words by googling the exact chemical configuration of something thats just bright and pacifying to me, something thatll melt on my tongue. 'm not even gonna chew. just gonna swallow it. the way i ate chocolate as a kid because relishing in something meant enough time for it to be taken away. the way i drink medicine because - if you gulp it down really quickly, it doesnt have time to taste bitter: anything can be honeyed milk if you clench your teeth hard enough

did you know thats what galaxy means anyway? milk? i wonder what galactical honey would be, then. whether id think its sweet or spicy, whether id like the taste or want to spit it out. if itd go down with well-rounded corners or lodge itself into my throat and stay there. fishbones. i also wonder whether astronauts ever feel scammed when they set foot on the ISS and realize theyre not going to bear witness to a sky made out of sparkling lights and silver threads and golden spots and rainbow clouds but rather just a sea so inky black it's going to make breathing difficult not just by lack of oxygen alone. earths much too reflective for any other luminescent object to be visible to the naked eye, ive been told, hence why youd just be looking at a planet so bright it surely hurts to stare at it, and i wonder what it feels like, being up there and gazing down only to be blinded when youre so used to looking up and squinting?

im homesick thinking of kids drawing earth into the upper right corner of their drawings. i dont actually know if theres stars up there though everybody tells me those pinprick lights are, and i cant breathe when im busy trying to figure out what exact level of depression the stale air around me tastes like. but something in my brain clicks when i think of shiny things and theres no empirical evidence that grabbing the sparkly stuff up above my head wont cure me so i want to, i want to, i want to. wanting always boils down to sinking your teeth into it and ive filed my canines far too often to fear the force of my bite now

people dance on the moon and i mimic their steps in my bedroom and though these are just small steps i dont know the names of the poor sods stuck on the ISS either, even though there's only been like 500 of them and they're all way better at living life than i am. my hands ghost over where i instinctively know the light switches of my flat are and wonder if up there somebody's got a nightlight, cheap plastic stars attached to their ceilings, one of those little projectors that put constellations on your walls. whether they ever have trouble sleeping and if yes, what the hell do they look up at then? who do they cast their wishes to?

never seen a star up close. never held one. but the concept is so familiar, so ingrained into whatever our shared consciousness is made out of, that i want with my molars. i itch to keep it in my tummy so it keeps me warm on the cold days and i only trust what i see so i want to look at it until my retinas burn, until the sound of the big bang echos in the confines of my brain. itll drown out all other unwanted thoughts and itll sing in the genetic make-up of my descendants long after my neighbours cant hear me sing in the shower anymore. ill cup my palms and pray into them. begging is easier when youre in position and im on my knees and i swear ill never run out of things to whisper to the radiant little ember in my hands because it is beautiful and because i like shiny things and because stars have always made us look up at them and

When I finally get my teeth on it and swallow it whole I'm sure a piece of the star will get lodged in my throat like. fishbones. in a last-ditch effort at vengeance. I'll spend the rest of my life attempting to choke it back up.

"I made it with love," I'll say after I finally managed to do so.

"Careful, it's hot."

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #poetry #words #musings

[seven-stars-in-his-palm]

Hey august i hope you have a great day💙 i was wondering, what are your top five favourite moments from good omens? :)

ohhh sonny why would you DO THIS TO ME!!!!! my response got overloaded and DELETED before i could finish this WHY!!!!!! gonna try and replicate best i can </3 also sorry this took so long, ive been agonizing over it for. So Long

okay lets start…. 5) the first one isnt a scene or moment so much as its a line. let me quote here for you:

"Three very crowded hours went past. They involved quite a lot of phone calls, telexes, and faxes. Twenty-seven people were got out of bed in quick succession and they got another fifty-three out of bed, because if there is one thing a man wants to know what he's woken up in a panic at 4:00 A.M, it's that he's not alone." (page 132).

look at the italics stuff. its so funny yet unintentionally heartwarming and romantic. i dont why its affecting me so much bro. ALSO. the second i read that the first time i took out my pen and annotated it to connect to our darling duo 😃 like god okay . sure. a demon who always sleep and is rightfully paranoid having someone to wake up when things go bump in the night.... 😭😭😭 its just so beautiful. hopeful even. this is never gonna leave me ever

4) the drunken bookshop interaction 11 Years Ago, but specifically the book's version because its so much sillier yet heavier. they have their silliness that makes it THEM but also talking about the end of the world in such a vulnerable state…. it also has the bird wearing down its beak on the mountain story, which i will never fucking get over ever. they're so!!!! comfortable!!! unguarded!!! while discussing the nature of their very existence!!!!! UGDHDH I COULD TALJ FOR HOURS but i musnt. im trying to make this quick

3) uhmmm this one waspretty hard but watching wee morag die, somehow. aziraphale's heavy "im going to save her" and he's TOO LATE?!!?! AND CROWLEY'S SOFT"aziraphale-" ITS JUST SO HARD TOWACTCH... and the score behind it too.. utter madness. utter MADNESS

2) the final fifteen, naturally. the feelings. the implications. we've known each other for a long time. we could be together. Gay. staring from across the road aa he makes the decision that will tear the two of them apart. and, ironically, DESPITE all that, you know the thing tbat gets me after ALL THAT?? after he leaves . crowley looks around. to nina, to maggie, to muriel. and he kinda has this expression on his face like "well, that's that then." resigned. kinda like an "oh, well." but. when he gets into that car. all of that masking and bravado just FALLS. and he's there. and he's clutching the wheel. and he is so done. AND HE DRIVES OFF. THATS WHAT GETS ME . NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I MIGHT WATCH THAT FINALE, ITS THAT MOMENT THAT ALWAYS GETS THE TEARS TO DOUBLE.

1) this is a nice tie in honestly, but the cold open of season 2 is MY LOVE!!!!! especially with the context of what's to come for them. their very first goddamned meeting.......creating the stars, spinning the crank, "this is all going to shut down in 6000 years", "what trouble can i get into just for asking a few questions".. EVEEYTHING, DELICATE ANGEL. EVERYTHING

#thanks forthe ask :D this made me thinks so hard.... i shoould rewatch. i need an updated list #hath are perceived #l

[imsociallyanxiousgetoverit]

Im finally watching The Owl House instead of just seeing spoilers on Tumblr so Im gonna live-post my reactions cuz Holy shit do I have some things to say right now-

1. Camila sounds nothing like I imagined

2. LUZ DONT THROW BOOKS AWAY WHAT THE FUCK

3. Eda sounds nothing like I thought????

4. Luz… baby… you didn’t see the door with a giant eye and- ya know what- not worth it

5. Why is Eda not sus about a human? I am definitely missing something

6. Is Alex Hirsch the voice for the guard?

7. Why hand come off?????

8. Luz is self aware. This is good.

9. HOOTY??????? THE FUCK????

10. Luz! Don’t just grab people and creatures!

11. Wait- have I been mispronouncing Luz’ name? I thought it was Luhz not Looz

12. Eda! Blackmail and manipulation isn’t cool!

13. by the way both Earth and Boiling Isles conforming places are so disgusting like the fuck

14. Luz I love you and im concerned by your lax reaction to this new world

15. the warden is disgusting

16. h- thats not how physics work??? how are the doors opening???

17. Eda you’re great for protecting the child first

18. Luz is so cool for rebellion tho

Done! I think Im gonna rewatch each episode again when I don’t pay attention enough so I can write these. Hard to remember my questions if I pay attention too hard but ya know I wanna express how I feel too

1. wait these people are overreacting sometimes. the snakes and spiders? yeah absolutely valid to run. The sausages and eyelids???? Y’all overreacting. I mean the wasted food sucks but like its obviously just sausages guys. The eyelid thing is just something at least one kid does every year and its gross but not scream and run worthy. These people are so rude. At least the principal and Camila are concerned about Luz cuz of her seemingly not recognizing what is and isnt real vs just being dicks about her hobbies. It could be much worse in that way. Also Camila worrying about Luz’ lack of friends is good, too. Some kids do fine alone, but most really do need a support system other than family.

(ugh why is the next line down here thats so annoying)

2. Boiling Isles is like- lawless??? Clearly the warden gets away with his crazy arrests (kinda like Warden from Danny Phantom) cuz he’s just a dick. Like how is the guy selling person-eating icecream allowed but a fanfic writer isnt???? Like this is all clearly a reference to queerness cuz like fanfic doesn’t bother anyone else unless you see it out whilst that icecream could absolutely hurt some random civilian. The shit queer people used to and still get in trouble for with no valid reason- this also could be referencing race as well cuz it is disgusting how many POC are arrested or hurt due to plain racism rather than justice by law.

3. oh my godex I have been saying Luz’ name wrong! I thought it was Luhz! Is it Looz cuz its short for Lucida? Also the fact Eda thinks she’s clever for a human makes me worry everyone in Boiling Isles will think Luz is dumb just because of her species which is hella speciest and yeah im worried

4. ): giraffes are cool. Eda why

5. I kinda hate Hooty not gonna lie. Also ??? Eda why you leave your stuff outside ???

6. I just realized that the Conformitorium may actually be a proper prison that just has too many lax laws. Also how tf did does Luz open and close the door????

7. Luz’ willingness to just trust Eda is concerning. Also the BK crown is funny. Eda is a softie

8. oh the doors are opened normally itd just hurt ouch. Is the scene of them falling done by that Baxter dude cuz its kinda smooth af

9. I really hope Luz’ speech means something to kids and teens. It feels cringely bad to me but im also literally 20 so its not meant for me

10. Luz… you cant just offer up your services for ANYTHING! Standards! Boundaries! Her age is showing here. (what is her age? is she like 12?)

11. That photo thing is absolutely real. Some people think its a dramatic movie thing but Ive done it genuinely. Who had the sleeping bag? Eda or Luz? Also love her phone case. Cannot imagine sleeping without a blanket.

Properly done this time! I think I’ll watch the next one once through then ask questions though cuz this took far too long. Ill remember the questions eventually.

#the owl house #first reaction #episode 1 #uh #tw conversion camp mention #tw racism mention #I guess #oops im a bit too into analyzing stuff heh

[princeminnow]

If you usually involuntarily regress but can't, do you have any tips for easing yourself back into it during stressful times?

thats a good question and m flattered u came to me! my regression is only involuntarily, i think, so when i wanna i expose myself to (positive) triggers. ive been in the same situation and its pretty frustrating, but from my own experience, heres some stuff ive noticed! also pls forgive how long this turned out lol i ramble and have a lot of thoughts just like, as a person

⭐️ don’t force it. i think sometimes the kid in you just needs a break to recharge, or may even think the situations not “safe” enough right at this moment.

⭐️ age dreaming is super nice even if you find urself unable to slip lately, including just stuff like media with/for younger folks if thats not usually your jam anyway. if you do end up slipping, great! if not, then you got to have fun and maybe consume some art, win-win

im taking this opportunity to recommend the youtube series Recess Therapy bc it makes me laugh

⭐️ a lot of the time my triggers are within age regression tumblr itself! including CG blogs and agere fics especially, theres something so nice in knowing theres people that could readily accept and love a part of you you might otherwise hide

⭐️ regression is easiest when i’m tired, so getting comfy with kiddo or baby bedtime and working outwards is how i personally tend to do it when i haven’t in a while.

another recommendation, and i actually recommend this to my big friends too and use it sometimes when im big but too anxious to sleep bc i have a lot of trouble with that, is the podcast Little Stories for Tiny People! its literally just so good i cant praise it enough

⭐️ all in all, just.. try not to worry about it too much. involuntary regression is, as u know, pretty organic and its in the name itself, hard to control.

💕🧸🌈

get cozy, do what makes you feel secure, get yourself some fruit, it’s gonna be ok. you’re gonna regress again when you’re ready, and when you do, on some level, the wait will be worth it

#ask #agere #anon #im sorry youve been stressed!! me too its the pits #a bulletpoint i didnt put it bc i dont have experience with it and also was rambling was if u have little friends- #- who are comfy talking to u when theyre regressed that might also help

[wujico]

first post.. wow hello void. this is a little more awkward than i thought. i know i should treat this like im writing on paper again in my little taco journal i got from my friend back in elementary, but... idk maybe its the thought that somebody might read this that puts me off. and also the fact that i just.... havent written anything in any sort of journal since i was 16 and making goodbye letters (ToT) what a life

anyway today is a saturday... well its sunday morning at 5am but im riddled with anxiety and cant sleep so :,) im trying to keep my thoughts busy. i work again tomorrow, only six hours which is usual for me, but its fucking -50⁰ where i live rn and I REALLY dont wanna force myself out of bed..... ugh

but ive been really good at never skipping work unless im throwing up all over the place so :,) speaking of that, i just got done being sick with the flu for the SECOND TIME within two months !!!!! i have a horrid immune system.. most of the time when im sick i spend hours rotting away in my bed and on the bathroom floor... these two times were no different

i genuinely was up at like 5am unable to sleep sobbing in my bed because it hurt so much !!! i gen wanted to die lmfao i hate being sick

but its whatever... at least i got to talk to 🍀 while i was high on meds and a 39.8⁰ fever... i said some funny shit but he just entertained me... i love looking back at our messsages.. he really seems to care for me.... crazy

neway yes saturday.. today.. what did i do- well i had work. i was stressing the entire day over being able to get my hw done for uni classes on time but then i just.. decided not to work on it at all. idk.. work was okay. i love working. even though its a a gross fast food restaurant with shady people coming and making a mess 24/7. all that bad cancels out when it comes to my cowokers. ive had so... so so so many people ive loved at this job. people ive loved more than i should and who have left me (WHATS NEW) BUTTT thats a story for another day

well anyway i got to see one of my besties who is always talking about her boy troubles ... i think everyone still thinks im a lesbian there since im not out to them as trans and have a gf 🙃 its kinda funny.. especially with all my male coworkers

who can just goof off and be close to me without the added stress of thinking its going to go anywhere (for the two of us).

wow this is already becoming so long shksjjsskjslk i have a feeling each post is gonna be like this... just a ramble about my life

anyway. i went home and immediately one of my headmates made himself know... his names nikki and hes... newish? hes been around since august 2023 but just recently showed himself. well we played sky together for a while, just the two of us. i sorta.. soft called out 🍀 on my discord status saying something like "chill cr w/ nikki!! anyone can join!" hoping theyd join my game LOL

well it was a call out to any one of my sky friends on disc (my new friend mochi actually ended up seeing it and we got to talk propery on sky for one of the first times... i was so happy)

i felt bad for 🍀 at first because he couldnt see mochis chat messages while we were having a whole ass conversation with 🍀 piggy on my shoulders... but they added each other a little later and i think the convo went well :)

🍀 's sky friend actually joined us as well.. i dont know her... nor do i really care that 🍀 seemed so close with her (well that was definitely a lie i told myself)

im so jealous LMFAOOOO definitely problems related to being stuck in a toxic friend group for 12 years BUT AGAIN thats a story for another day

anyway i was a bit sad at first because there are just things you cant say in a chat with your queer platonic partner when theres a random who you sort of know but have never personally talked to... so i shut off a bit... nikki tho bless him wtf was like- urging me to stop being so closed off towards sky friends sjhdksjsk especially because this person was really nice and even asked if she could tag along (which i said was fine because i cant say no to anything, no matter how hard i try)

it got better tho, when mochi joined

i really am a horrible person, because i felt i finally had equal grounds on 🍀 by being able to talk to mochi while they couldnt

curse being literally delusionally attached to 🍀 because he is my o n l y true friend !!!

i really am selfish for wanting to have all his attention. i am such a shitty human being

anyway... we went to eden (i lead everyone) and then sat and talked for a bit. being on equal ground with mochi about our interest in skz was super refreshing. its been a while since ive talked to anybody... but i recently joined the sky server and mochi and a few others dmed me

half way through i saw me and 🍀 's mutal friend come online.... ill call him 🌟 on here.... i only recently got to know him because i was online on sky alone and decided to join him.. he was doing quests by himself so i got some 1 on 1 time with him and omg hes so cool

i always have this habit of putting everyone else in an "untouchable" catergory, because everyone compared to me is just so much better. i guess i idolized 🌟 in a way because i never got to talk to him... he was only mutals to me through our sky friend group

anyway after that 1 on 1 i immediately felt so amazing and i wanted to talk to him every chance i get... so after mochi left and he hadnt joined our game (which was suprising because i was with 🍀 and the other person who are close to 🌟 and he likes them a lot better than me so i thought hed join one of them.... but he didnt) so i just went and joined his game immediately

i kinda ditched 🍀 but its whatever, i was still in a bad mood from earlier

i was kinda upset and sad all day so.... i was distant in my head and wasnt talking to anyone.. but that wore off the moment i got the chance to talk to 🍀 again

which was when my dad suprised me with mcdonalds !!! i really felt gross after eating it- and still do- but it helps sometimes. to eat that garbage.. ive always been a binge eater

where the hell even was i

yea i teleported to 🌟 to hang out with him and 🍀 warped to me... i didnt really mind because theyre both super cool and my idols but i got a dry ass greeting from 🌟 wheres as 🍀 got a enthusiastic one !! so yeah immediately i was like aight i see how it is

but 🍀 left to do a cr so i got more 1 on 1 time with 🌟 WHICH WAS SO NICE!! i feel like we are getting closer and closer everyday... anyway he was playing some music and i offered to stay and listen and it was gen so nice... i wanted to fall asleep just listening to him play hehe and after every song id complement him and we'd talk about what hed just played (if it was from a game or a movie) .... and well he seemed gen grateful for the compliments which made me fill up with pride

eventually 🍀 came back but i didnt really mind since i got my 1 on 1 time and i enjoy talking to both of them anyway

we had a nice convo going then 🌟 left

i always feel so prideful when i can make people laugh, even though it might even just be a lol or hahaha

then me and 🍀 had one on one time... which is what brings me to writing this

he mentioned he had a secret tumblr diary. this isnt the first time he mentioned it- back when we met irl he said if i could find it i could read it.... i tried to find it lol but couldnt so i just gave up

i didnt even think about it again until tonight.... i thought about trying to find it again but then i was like- yk what would be a better idea !!! make my own !!

so yeah i got the idea from him... a little secret vent diary place that i hope nobody can find (especially him, but if you do find it, im sorry LOL)

really i kinda wanna go looking for his but.... idk after making my own im just like how fucking awkward would it be for him to find mine and read it 😀😀 LIKE THAT WOULD BE SO BAD

so ive given up again

im gonna wait until he shares it with me.. idk when that'll be, but maybe when he does ill have wrote a lot on here and can share this with him as well

after all, i am kinda crazy. ill tell him every little secret about me if he asked.

i have so much to say but no brain power left. oh well

- ji

(1 / 13/ 2024)

[rayymanic]

05/29/2023

tw? kind of in detail/graphic talk of sh

Today was a very good day. I walked a mile, did a workout, and rollerskated. I also had a yogurt bowl which was very tasty! I didn't have any self harm urges until roughly ten minutes ago? I was just laying with my cat and i remembered pictures I had taken of my cuts and missed the feeling, but I got past it and did my face care routine to distract myself, worked wonders. I still feel off though, like something is missing. Ive been self harming for almost four years now and I always had open wounds. Ive come to realize that i dont feel like myself without open wounds. I know the feelings will pass and over time i will heal mentally and get out of this mindset, but it sucks right now.

While my stepmom was doing her daily bodycheck on me to make sure i havent cut, she mentioned taking me to see a dermatologist later on and having them prescribe a scar cream. I dont know why but this really bothered me. Ive told her and my other parents that i dont mind my scars because they are a part of me now and i want them to fade/heal naturally, and i dont know if they dont care what i think or if they dont like them. I dont want my scars to fade quickly. I have to live with the consequences of my actions. She makes me put on this over the counter scar cream every day and i hate it so much, i dont even have control of my own body at this point. Im pretty sure they want my scars gone because they think its ugly but i dont. i think its beautiful. it reminds me that i survived. and im proud of that.

My grandmother had to bodycheck me last week because i was at her house. she is a very conservative, christian woman who is known for being judgmental so i was scared. I mean she went outside and cried on the porch when she found out that im queer so i didnt know how she would take this She asked me how i cut and what i used and why i cut and she told me that its going to leave scars. im pretty aware of that, one look in the mirror and i can tell. she asked if she could take pictures , why would she need pictures? i told her no and she seemed to get a little more upset. i dont really like her,, she told my parents about my facebook account (i had them blocked) and got me in trouble so ,,

i was supposed to start therapy two weeks ago, but i didnt. my dad and stepmom are notorious for not taking my mental health seriously and putting things to do with it aside to do other, meaningless things. i was told im going to start this week but im not sure. the school therapist told me that im going to be doing two kinds of therapy - regular talk therapy and intense trauma therapy. my stepmom insists on doing trauma therapy with me and the school therapist accidentally let it slip that my "therapist" would tell my parents everything we talk about. how am i supposed to get better if i cant confide in my own damn therapist? does that not break the patient confidentiality rules therapists have? they think i was cutting because of the trauma i endured when i was 9-13 but its not. ive almost healed from what happened, the reason i was cutting was because i have severe chronic depression, my pills werent working, and i hate the enviorment im in. i hate the people, the scenery, everything. whats funny is my dad and stepmom are blaming everyone but themselves when they are the actual reason i was cutting. thanks dad! thanks for fucking nothing

on a brighter note, i reached 1 month sh free a couple days ago! thats really big for me, i havent gone over two weeks in years. im sorry this post is so long and messy, i just need to get how i really feel off my chest. i hope whoever reads this has a wonderful morning/day/night and has lovely dreams <3

this has a lot of spelling errors, its late at night. i should be sleeping,,,

#sh recovery #self healing #sh recov #vent

[javic-piotr-thane]

oh interesting! i can’t read books at the moment so i havent read any of them. that makes a lot of sense ab leadership. i like my little hc that they made it more communist - ianto did behind the scenes stuff/correspondence w thr queen etc, tosh was coordinating from the hub, & then the other two also pitched in for other causes (nice and vague, well done me hahah). i actually wondered when i rewatched KKBB if they had spread out the leadership & then the writers were like ‘haha nope!’. ive read a lot of nice ianto takes over fics which is probably swaying me a bit lol

i actually dont mind broken! its a bit strange but i think it fits well enough. its more that i dislike that it (kind of) limits the options for fan-decisions on when they sleep together first. while lots of people are happy to wiggle canon about and create wonderful new things, lots more tend to stick w canon as is (or major points) and i think defining when they first sleep together gives it a bit more weight and impact (even belatedly) on the episodes (& fanworks). i mostly enjoy the plotline otherwise (although the sleeping together did catch me off guard the first time!)

thats true about fandom shaping it. i am still very much on the fringes - i think i follow you & perhaps one other tw blog - just because i find fandom a lot of stress and i’m in my early 30s so lots are younger - but i’m working my way through the available fic (well, mainly the ones on ao3 ik there are many on LJ that i am gonna have more trouble finding later lol) and that probably is shaping my view of characters. some more than others, i suppose. but i have been finding a lot of ooc representations (for me) which makes me think perhaps theres a fandom-intent on portraying them. i cant quite word this!

i’ll do a comparison - i consumed a lot of HP fanfiction, it was my main fandom for fics for a lot of years, and my first fic ever. and now i cant tell you for certain which portrayals are true to canon, and which are based in fanon. because i stopped engaging w canon (for many reasons including the most obvious) and now i’m left wondering - eg was that how neville was in the books or is that how fandom has shaped canon into their own desires and interpretations. and thats not to say thats a negative! because i think fanon is incredible. but i do wonder when i read a fic without that background, without the decade of engaging in fanfic as it shifted, if i am reading it as OOC when it’s actually in character for the fanon version of the character.

i hope that makes sense, i have a lot of trouble with coherence lol

you're making sense!! this is a problem ("problem") for many fans i think, which is why engaging with the source material (when possible/comfortable, obviously, i know which situation you're referring to) can be important if you really want to keep your interpretations close to canon. (you might not want that, or not care, at least in particular instances; something something Sherlock actually makes 100% of the tea on the show with his name and not John.)

as for fic that feels OOC to you; if you don't like it, i recommend you learn to spot it early and avoid it. simple as that. god knows i went through that phase in my early time in this fandom XD you have to read a bunch to figure out what you like and don't like in the first place, i think, but after a while it tarries out and might only shift slightly afterwards - and you know what to avoid and what to seek out.

#feels a bit weird attempting to dispense 'advice' like this #disclaimer: all my personal experiences and i don't *really* know what i'm doing to this day either lol

[redafi]

I hope March is treating you kindly ☁️ hydrate whenever you can & keep doing your best, it’s good enough & I’m proud of you

oh my god thats so nice??? I hope march treats you kindly as well clovdyhi.

and for the few people that follow me as well:

i do hope march also treats YOU kindly. Please remember to drink plenty of water, try and get to bed at a decent time, know that it is okay if you cant really get yourself to eat anything thats not a safe food (i get it), and dont forget that slipping up on staring to do healthy things doesnt mean you cant continue to try!

for sleeping help, ive been using a program called speechify recently to read fics to me. It turns pdfs into bootleg podfics, and it’s definitely not as good as actual podfics but it works for any fic and the voice is uniform across them—personally what makes it less distracting for me (usually while listening to podfics i get distracted from the story) is that its not a humans voice. (There ARE better sounding voices available but they require a subscription so… nope) So ill listen to fics and like… do coloring pages in black and white, or do some sort of weird thing with yarn—i made a lil loom actually, i think if i finish it ill turn the result into a mug cozy—and basically just do random not-looking-at-phone-but-doesnt-require-attention things. It really helps w sleeping!!!

and everyone, dont forget to pick up bug traps if theyre a problem for you in the spring. For me, i think i have a carpet beetle infestation ): but otherwise i keep my living space almost obsessively clean compared to friends’ houses so i rarely get bugs—makes it very stressful when i do. Also be careful the bees are back out and we need to not hurt them while running away (haha i have a phobia lol. Enjoy some time among the bees if you can!!!)

check if any of your fruit has gone bad, and call someone over to help you if you need it—i personally was encountered with a unexpectedly spoiled apple in a just-opened bag (in the fridge too… preventing spoilage is have the point of keeping them in therreee but ive been betrayed .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.). I was still lightheaded an hour later lol.

also!! Also!!! Dont avoid doing things you like to do because you dont want to go through the trouble of starting to do it for whatever period of time. I get depressed when i dont practice piano for example, or play crk for a while.

Anyways, thank you again clovdyhi <3

#Reminders #speechify #i love you!!!

[lunatic-fandom-space]

"Its 10pm and Id like to read at least one more volume" I said before proceeding to stay up until 4:30am reading this manga until I was finished

So yeah, Im writing this at around 8:30am having gotten three hours of sleep and one hour of laying in bed awake, after I finished volume 30 chapter 165 of the black hutler and Id like to talk about some of my thoughts

I know that the emglish and japanese version are already further along than that (I mean, if my research was correct volume 31 did come out in german already, I just couldnt find a physical copy at either of my local bookstores), so I would appreciate it if you didnt spoil me

So yeah, non-spoilers first I guess:

Honestly, I had kind of mixed feelings about a lot of the... revelations ? is probably the best word? I dont know, like, I was reading this and I just kinda let myself be taken along for this thrilling rollercoaster of emotions but while I was doing that, I couldnt help but notice this nagging feeling of "uohhhh, i dont really like where this going" in the back of my mind, which made for a bit of a 'conflicting' read. Even now that Im fully awake looking back on it, I still dont quite know how to feel. I feel like with these kinds of wild storylines it always more or less depends on the conclusion, so I guess I'll wait for that

Also, as for my theory about the people from the Undertakers medallions being people who entered contracts with demons, Im a little less sure about that now?? Idk why because nothing happened that would contradict this

And thats pretty much it, I'll go into some of the more spoiler-y details now

HOLY HELL THAT TWIN TWIST WAS INSANE WTF MAN

like, I was kinda spoiled for this because Ive read a few fanfics where this is sort of mentioned, although it qas alqays in a pretty vague way and I was still shocked

Heres what I wrote to my friends in a discord server Im in right after the older brother showed up:

"Oh god

This arc was already some insane bullshit but Something just happened sorry if I spam in advance

Theres two Ciels

I was already kinda spoiled for this but still

like, okay, so in the previous arc Ciel had to be forcefed w/ a funnel so he wouldnt die of mustard gas poisoning and it triggered some traumatic memories from his past and he had an episode where he wouldnt let any adult touch him and during whole ordeal he would, idk dream or hallucinate or something

And he would hallucinate about himself standing on this beg chess board with a pretty outfit and a version of himself without the contract seal

And I was like 'surely this cant be literal, it has to be symbolic" yknow, the version of Ciel without the contract seal is an untainted version, possibly what he vouldve been if it wasnt for that day

NOPE

I WAS WRONG"

so yeah, that was something.

I still dont know how to feel about this, like, it makes sense even though its pretty clear to me that they came up with this twist a bit later on (I believe they had this idea a little before the Campania arc, I remember that scene during the extended flashback where hes standing in front of his parents graves also having a small cut-off panel with a gravestone with Ciels name on it), but ugh. Idk I'll just see how it goes I guess

I am sooooo curious about whats up with the Undertaker and the Phantomhives like ??? Bro, he CRIED looking at a picture of Vincent thats so weird. And obviously he went through all the trouble of reviving Ciel thats wild. So yeah, very excited to see where that goes

Im also very excited to see what theyre gonna do with Soma now. I really liked Agnis death and I while it felt like his change in personality was a bit jarring, I do like him becoming more jaded like Ciel. Theres a vertain irony to it bc he did admire him and sort of wanted to be like him in some way

Ngl I found it so frustrating how Lizzy and the Midfords and Tanaka just fully abandoned (our) Ciel after the other one showed up. Lizzy especially because its like

#its manga time!! #black butler #kuroshitsuji

[dead-thorin]

well

I'm seeing my doctor next week and my gastro in december cause thats the earliest fucking appt

which pisses me off bc last time i went the apn was like make an appt with us if smth comes up! and i pointed out that it took three months of waiting for this appt. like i made it in january and i had the appt in april bc that was the earliest. and she was like no itll be fine!!!

anyway

i started getting headaches when i eat which tbh could be bc of hydration and lack of sleep but they seem worse after i eat. maybe because of the chewing? idk

Im bringing that up and the fact that i still have trouble breathing. which again, could be other things bc my acid reflux keeps acting up

im working on my diet. i gave up soda, im giving up pure chocolate after i eat the last of what i have, im minimizing the sweets that i have per day, and i wont be having fatty stuff anymore. I gotta remember to eat slowly. small meals arent a problem bc i get full fast (also smth im bringing up).

im gonna stop biotin. it strengthened my nails a little? but like not enough that im like yeah let me do this long term. I have to start folate anyway (which again i gotta talk to my doctor about how much and maybe hear back from the apn bc i sent her a message) and that's supposed to help with nails.

i think ive gotten good with integrating veggies and i need a little more help with getting fiber in my diet, but im almost there. when i get new insurance i have to set up an appt with a nutritionist anyway so thats smth well talk about. I'm working on integrating more fruits bc idk. Most of whats out there is for families and i feel bad when things spoil so i end up not buying it. Like i cant eat a whole carton of strawberries. I went grocery shopping today a bit but when i finish the peaches i have im gonna grab some more and some apples. I have some pineapple in a can as well

idk this has all been just a lot and im just fucking nervous that its smth else that we arent figuring out. like with celiac it took two years bc they were treating the symptoms as individual problems and not the actual underlying condition. idk ill talk to my doctors and work on my diet.

#post from the blogger

[ilyzuko]

💀

#please i was chatting with this dude ive been pals with since high school and he was saying stuff like 'show me your socks 😳😥😳' so #NATURALLY i thought he was joking and making fun of feet people also we really were just casual friends and havent seen eachother for like #4 years now so we mostly just game online together. anyways back to the main plot. i did what u would do the play along with the joke right #which is reply with a picture of my sock. (as a JOKE) to which he has answered a dick vid 🤡🤡🤡 #yeah so thats one update on my life also student finance hates me and im getting in trouble with uni cause theyve withdrawn my tuitition fe #all of the sudden and i need some documents from my manager to fix that but hes not replying and i have one week to get them to send the #money through again or else uni is gonna invoice me personally and obviously it s not possiblw for me to pay all that lmao. funsies so i #guess im a bit subconsciously stressed because of that it's 5 am and i cant sleep :| #anyways thank you for listening to my podcast girlies of tumblr leave a comment like subscribe #'with' is missing in that one tag