Blah blah blah
Idk what to put there
Warnings:anxiety mentioned, shaking, not eating
Summary:so uh you were picked to represent your country for Eurovision but anxiety gets the best of you and you freak out but joost calms you down
Authors note:FINALLY THE SWEET RELIEF OF DEATH jk but I’m done with this after a day??? I was working on something else and that didn’t work so you guys get this instead hope you enjoy!!!
Ever since you got picked for representing your country you’ve been under a lot of pressure and stress like how is my costume gonna look like? What is my performance gonna be? What will my song sound like?
Joost told you to stop worrying 3 days before you preform it helped for a while but you still so worried and nervous when the day comes you can’t find your concealer in your dressing room so you went to go check in joosts.
Hey joost? Ja mijn schat? (yes my love?) have you seen my concealer, I think I left it here the other day for rehearsals. Concealer? Joost said in confusion um it’s something for my face, oh! it looks like this *you pull out a photo on your phone* ohhh this thing? Joost pulls out your concealer from his drawer
Yes! Thank you joost, you gave him a smooch on the cheek but you realized you guys were in public oh sorry I forgot.. Het is oké, lieverd, we zijn in mijn kamer(it’s okay darling we’re in my room) now go back before they suspect something he smooch’s your head before you leave.
While you’re getting ready you start shaking “fuck nonononono shit!” Joost texts you “are you ready? You’re going on in a few minutes😗” “Joost I’m shaking really bad can you come to my room really quick please” “I’m coming” joost walks in are you okay?? You’re going on in 7 minutes, joost I-I don’t know what to do uhh stay calm did you eat anything today?? I-no but I didn’t have an appetite or anything I swear.
Um here! he pulls out a juice box quickly, this should help you stop shaking you calm down after a minute.Cmon he pulls you in for a hug, are you okay? I don’t know you replied my anxiety has been acting up a lot lately did you take your medication? He asked, yeah but my anxiety still gets through..
Well um bye joost I love you I love you tooooo don’t be worried you’re going to be great I promise he reassures you with a smooch. You take a deep breath before you hop onto the stage and you do your performance and it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be but you were in the top 5, “congratulations!!! I’m so so so proud of you😄😄”joost texted you from the hotel “thank you handsomeee I’m proud of you toooo”(IN THIS UNIVERSE JOOST IS IN THE TOP 3😡).
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for real though that post is so true on the love front i think about it all the time like why is everyone so LOVELESS not even just in like cishetero marriages where they hate each other just in general like platonic too. it drives me craaazy when im exposed to it like why are ppl like this !! why dont you love your friends and partner!! its like everything is a social game that theyre playing just for validation and lacking real connection and its a game where theyre always about 2 steps away from being bitter and hateful towards their friends/lover like STOOOOP! im someone who values love and kindness so much and it baffles me. why do you hate your partner! why do you talk about them like theyre an object of validation! why are you dating someone you clearly dislike! why are u so mean to ur friends behind their backs im cryin. why do you up and abandon them the second you get a partner bc you dont value them over the romantic validation you get. ive always been such an affectionate person at heart and i value what my friends say so much and i always find myself feeling so distant from people in relationships because they just feel?? so shallow?? and distant from me. like i think oh this preson gets me but theres ppl who say the same things how they value kindness and love but its always like, immediately clear they are actually a deeply mean person and just enjoy feeling like theyre 'good'. the way society functions with relationships feels so intensely shallow and i cannot connect to it at all. i love my friends and i love people and i always want to understand them and reach out with compassion and be close to them physically and emotionally speaking and talk a lot and listen to them. however im cursed to live in a world of 1 word responses if any at all and shallow relationships where no one gaf about each other and then i get told i talk too much. hello? *tapping mic* hello? is this thing on? be filled with whimsy and love going forward please. anyway does anyone else feel this way or is it just me feel free to talk about it if youd like
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well, i definitely didn't have any sort of ~traditionally productive~ weekend, but i did discover a reliable solution to a huge source of anxiety that's been bugging me for a while, so i feel really happy & relieved about that
next weekend i have Monday off, so i'm gonna take full advantage of my three days of free time and do nothing but relax & play video games~
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