#im not worthless or a failure

[thewanderingace]

Just talking in the tags like a normal person.

Keep on scrolling lovelies. I gotta release some emotions 👍

#i have once again worked myself into an anxiety attack by thinking too much about my unemployment #happens way too often tbh #always late at night too #its now like 4:50am #i managed to cut the attack off pretty quickly but its still not fun #i dont like my current situation or my mental or financial health #but i have to remind myself of things like: #its not my fault and i am not a bad person for it #im not worthless or a failure #im not alone in this type of situation #im blessed to have family who let me live off of them #this is temporary even if it has been a long time already #this too shall pass #remind myself this and convincing myself of these truths is hard to do sometimes #sometimes a lot of times i dont believe it but i tell myself this anyway until i do #anyway tonight has sucked #just took a large dose of melatonin to hopefully get some sleep tonight #trying to stay hopeful and positive but its hard #the last 4 years have been a real shit show #so fucking hard #ive been through some stuff and im still recovering and teting tobget my feet back underneath me again #its hard and thats okay #im valid #my life is my life #things will get better #ill be better #personal #stephs stuff #talking in the tags cause i need to release emotions 🤪

[bunnihearted]

🐰🌧️

#so on my way home.. #i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future #i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were #bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected #a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati #that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful #and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old #live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :) #you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :) #you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!! #you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u! #whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️ #god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE #i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things #now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao #there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives #by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it. #or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me #only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die #bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything #for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!! #not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right #i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax #but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭 #my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became #bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life

[mewtwo24]

I just watched s2 episode 10 in the english dub and I have to say. Nothing could have prepared me for Howard's delivery of that final scene where Xie Lian gets worked up about the truth coming out.

The just...sincerely agonized delivery of "That my words were the empty ramblings of a sad child!!" shook me to the core. The absolute self-loathing in that line, the raw emotion. The way concealing the truth was done to spare Lang Qianqiu but also at its heart was about Xie Lian's unresolved feelings of humiliation and shame, the way [redacted] did everything in his power to make Xie Lian lose faith in himself and the possibility of good prevailing in the world.

The way TGCF keeps me up at night, man...

#tgcf #xie lian #lang qianqiu #the runner-up line that devastated me too was: 'it's the least of what I DESERVE!!!' #i dont think there are words to describe how that made hua cheng feel knowing all that he does (from his time as wu ming) #legitimately its on the spectrum of mantis shrimp im guessing bc i can't fathom trying to put it into words either #the way xie lian won't stop punishing himself for wishing for better--for wishing for peace and collaboration--even 800 years later #the way he continues to take responsibility for all the wrongs others commit--the way he deems himself a failure -> #for things he simply could not change or did not purposefully incite. the way he won't stop punishing himself when things go wrong #i honestly cant get over how acutely xl feels like the result of gifted child syndrome #having all of these grandiose expectations placed on him and doing his utmost to uphold them at any cost #doing everything he can to the point of self-destruction to do the right thing #only to end up hated in the end when he proved to have limits--even as a god #and discarded despite his efforts; ultimately deemed worthless for not measuring up to what were impossible/rigged standards from the get g #and like . the way up to this point they made the creative decision to make xie lian's emotional range fairly static #not that he's unfeeling but that he doesn't tend to raise his voice or express anything extreme (for good reason) #until this precise moment where it all comes flying apart with so many old scars torn open #absolutely fantastic im on the ground #honestly i feel like i forget how difficult a decision this had to be for hua cheng #i mean naturally he chose this because he wanted xie lian absolved #and ultimately xie lian really does need to stop the self-flagellation--he takes it too far #but watching him tremble with fear haunted by the echoes of what he almost became #fucking cHRIST

[poppy-metal]

i feel bad bc no one has done anything to me recently i just feel this worthless on my own. like i dont wanna look or talk to anyone anymore bc i feel like such a fucking malfunction of a human being.

#poppy speaks #wish i didn't exist #think seeing my stepdad fucked me up bad bc i haven't feel this hopeless as an individual in awhile #genuinely dont see the point in my being here #like im stupid im not that pretty or brilliant or fun or interesting im just literally a ball of anxiety #i can write and sometimes that's good but now im tired so i cant even do that rn #so im worthless lol #i add nothing to anyones life. im a loser and a failure and i wish my mother aborted me #will delete tmrw #sorry for being sad lately #tw: depressive thoughts

[kaunisbaby]

been thinking about going back to uni next year to get a master's degree, told my mom about it and now she's in that idealization mode where she thinks im the most intelligent person on the planet because "only very smart people graduate in philosophy" (like i didn't struggle like crazy to get my bachelor's) and it's giving me anxiety bc what if. what if i don't succeed in taking the master's degree. i haven't even decided yet and i already feel a great pressure on me

#the epistemology and linguistics philosophy course looks so interesting but i don't think im smart enough. or at all. #i don't wanna fail. i cannot handle failure. it would mean im dumb and worthless #decisions decisions #personal

[acaesic]

i really want to finish all my unfinished art before i turn 15 but im so burnt out rn 😭 </3

#i have two days #including this one #i wanna draw #but also i fucking hate drawing #but i love drawing but i HAT EIT AND ITS THE WORST AAAAAUUGGGHHHHHHHHH #mostly because i just wanna feel like less of a failure in some way #art for me is about 50% passion and 50% a crippling desire to prove that im not useless and an idiot #so because of the lack of stability there i always end up with a dozen unfinished art projects #when i cant live up to my own expectations i give up #i think this is me still clinging to my childhood in a way #i always wanted to be a child prodigy but i never had talent or skill in anything #so now that im rapidly getting further and further from childhood i feel a desperate need to prove that im not worthless #its like #my 15th birthday feels to me like how jonathan larson did about his 30th. is that fucked up to say .. #aaaaaaaaaaa :’) i want to finish all the art i promised but i genuinely just. cant #chase said something alright #sigh. i have ideas #im plagued with visions but i have none of the time #i want to draw patrick and pete #i want to draw the cast of community all smiling and stuff. because i love and adore all of them #id like to finish my vampire dallon art but im So Bad at shading without reference #i so desperately want to just share my art and feel okay but I CANT ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHH #IVE MADE SO MANY EMPTY PROMISES ABOUT FINISHING ART AND SHARING ART AND AND AND FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #someone tell me im not useless #<- dont do that im responsible for my own happiness #anyway UM. sorry if you opened this #you know what. in spite of everything i didnt do at least um. uhhhhhhhh #i won a 3ft tall shadow the hedgehog plushie at a carnival.

[skunkg1rll]

well... i woke up in time for school. which is the hardest part since it starts at 9am nd i always go to sleep at 4am and wake up around 12-13pm lol. but i got up nd checked when the busses are running.. i checked the weather nd it says it's gnna rain. then i thought "do i rlly need to go today..... cant i go next week?". the thing with me is that if i allow myself to have that thought then it's ruined. if i have the thought of not going, then i wont. thats why i make myself just get up nd go thru the motions nd leave, nd never allowing myself to think that. buuuuut i messed up today... i just wanna stay in bed nd go back to sleep T-T im sitting here "thinking abt it" but the time is already running out nd i dont rlly have time to get up nd get ready now. i dont think i'll get in trouble that i missed this week if i just make sure to go every day next week. ugh

#i should rlly just get out of bed and go #but its so cold and im so tired #my neighbor is stomping around upstairs nd just that makes me wanna die lmao #i just dont feel like going even if i do hate staying at home too #bc i do feel like a loser and a worthless failure #it's just that.. idk i dont want to do anything :/ ig i also kinda feel like self sabotaging #and im so tired of trying #im trying to do this but i get no help from the health care system #i rlly need therapy bc i wanna kms lol but everyone r just like nah sorry cant help u #why should i have to try soooooo hard when nobody cares #i just wanna rot #even if rotting also makes me feel bad #idk i just wish i was normal and healthy #can i even go back to sleep now that i feel so bad abt mysel skskksks #ughhh #no ok i decide i will stay home today #then i'll go every class next week #but i'll give myself one last day to stay home nd feel bad abt myself #im not allowed to do this again next week i've decided

[chasingcoyotes]

I'm so tired of being depressed. it's never really been managed and every year it gets worse and worse. this is probably some of the most depressed I've been in my entire life. it feel so stupid saying I'm depressed, I feel pathetic. I feel like it's just attention seeking or that I'm not actually but I can't pretend I'm not anymore. it doesn't feel valid because I have a mostly good family

#im just so so tired. i dont want to get out of bed. i cant paint. i cant draw. i cant write or journal more than once every three or four #weeks. i dont want to go out. i dont want to be home. i dont want to open my eyes #i havent practiced or done any of my craft in nearly seven months #if not more. i feel worthless. i feel like a failure. all i do is worry about money. #im tired of having to cut corners and watch my family struggle year by year getting poorer and poorer #im tired of this disgusting rundown shithole rental. i want a home. #i want to go to college but i know i will never be able to. i cant afford it and my family needs me home #ill never work a job i love. ill never have a home. ill never truly be happy. ill always be scared. ill always feel lonely #even when im surrounded by people. #im so tired #i want to go home but i dont even know where that is anymore

[mudstoneabyss]

hey girl I'm complaining about school again. picture me sitting crosslegged on the ground for this. I'm so stressed all the time and even when I don't have work do I feel constantly guilty that I'm not doing work and it's exhausting (which makes it harder to do the work!) but again I have to because if I don't ill be charged a fee and kicked out of the college (community one, and only one in my area) and it's such a scenario where I don't know what to do about it

#joyousposting #I kind of knew this would happen but i didn't have a choice because 1. parental pressure 2. being able to get a grant is like. the only way #i can get money for things i need #negative // #but god ''i have to do this anyway'' doesn't really exists for me it'll motivate me only until i pass a (di)stress limit #and ill start thinking i cant do anything im worthless i deserve failure in all things i do 😔

[lilbugprincess]

The other day I was driving home, feeling a certain anxiety about the future... That feeling of inadequacy, feeling like I can't get my shit in order, can't remember, can't DO. The ADHD depression, you know? But then I remembered, like

I have not been taking my meds as regularly as I should

I decided to go without planners this month to see how I do without them (badly)

It's January and I do significantly worse EVERY january

I am actually doing quite well at keeping on top of things at work, where it matters, so like. Actually, that's pretty good, huh? I am doing okay where I most need to be on top of stuff.

#it's almost hilarious how every year i go OH NO I AM A FAILURE #I AM BACK SLIDING I AM WORTHLESS I CAN DO NOTHING #and the moment there's warmth and sunshine I'm like :) oh im ok actually

[bunnihearted]

🐇🩹🚪

#i hate myself real bad today.... like it's this constant gnawing feeling in my stomach nd chest #i am such a fucking burden. i am deadweight weighing everyone around me down. im such a fkn pathetic failure #our living situation is rlly bad nd unhealthy nd toxic. im the only one who can disconnect nd shove it all down nd wanna pretend like nothin #but my sister nd my mom are going insane like they cannot stand it anymore. nd they're also getting super depressed so im worried #my mom's been trying to apply for appartments bc she's been on waiting lists for several years so she can actually maybe get one #so they were thinking that my mom nd my sister can move nd me nd my sister can live here #she even found an apartment close by that she would actually get!! so they could move!! #however...... you're not allowed to put more ppl on this contract so if my mom moves me nd my sister can stay here :/// so she cant move.... #cant** stay here #she cant move at all unless my sister nd i have our own places... #my sister has a job nd is an actual responsible adult. so she wont be long until she fixes that #but me???? im 25yrs old... never had a job. cant even graduate highschool even if i try. i have no fkn idea how to survive on my own!!!!! #im just a fkn burden on my mom. i keep her down. i chain her down nd keep her feom being free #im such an awful daughter. im such a bad person. im so worthless. i hate myself for hurting her #i hate seeing her so sad nd depressed bc she wants to get out of this situation so bad #and *im* the one keeping her here. im the reason she cant feel better. bc im a pathetic fkn 25yr old who lives off of her mom like a parasit #ooof i ... i hate myself more deeply than i ever have. how can i do this to my own mom???? why am i so useless???? #idk what to do. idk how to move out!! where to?? how do u get a place to live??!? #atp i'd even take living with someone else. like renting a room or smth. just to free my mom of the curse that is me #but idk how to find anything like that bc im completely and utterly incapable nd useless #i feel so bad for my mom.... i know she doesnt want this but it makes me wanna kms even more #if im dead i cant weigh her down i cant ruin her life!!!! if im dead she'll be free of me. im nothing but a parasite she deserves to be free

[platinummice]

I think this school is making me more physically I’ll than I’ve ever been in my life

#SORRY IM RANTING IN THE TAGS #everyday I need to throw up #I feel so much like shit #it’s not doing great things for me mentally either #I have literally never felt more stupid and worthless in my entire life #like #I know this shit is hard and the failure rate of this class is fuckin.. #unbelievably high #but DAMN #I feel like shit I think like shit #I can’t take a break because I’m always thinking about class #I cant even go to get checked out because the fuckin medical building hours are the same as class hours #and fuck if I can risk missing class #only a couple more weeks tho…

[inhumanfuckingdogman]

Like to be clear tomgreg wont ever be canon but i do think matsson and roman will do dmt together and kiss

#chatter #succ #like s309. rome being like. lol id never be vulnerable woth you. do i look gay. #and matsson being like. oh. you dont want to be vulnerable ? :/ #romans fear of intimacy vs his need for the approval of men fight !!!!!!!! #matsson staring straight through romans soul: i fucking love worthless cringefail losers who suck at everything #and he wants the best of everything!! im js. if you want the best failure let me tell ya #also i lov tomgreg but i also accept reality. peace be upon ye tomgreg truthers it will always be insane but it will jever b canon.

[napoleon-usher]

.

#fuckity fucking fuck nothing ever goes my way #🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠 #hey siri how do i not take every rejection as an indication of absolute personal worthlessness 🤔 #also hey siri how do i eliminate the maladjusted coping mechanism of wanting to fucking d** everytime i face a failure whether big or small #yeah yeah i know: therapy #i am nothing if not living in a shame fucking based existence #is it bad that im more embarrassed about having to tell people about my failure than the fact that i didnt get it?? #any of y’all come from money cause im broke af and apparently no one wants to hire me /hj #any way pay no attention to the tumblr user having a breakdown in the corner on main #sign that says ‘zero days since i openly sobbed’ #i shall be fine i just need to punch some shit and them go back to my willful ignorance of my own problems #btw in these trying times every kind comment on my gifsets mean even more and make me so happy so thank y’all for saying such nice things #to put a positive spin on it ive finally had my first cry in the new apartment so that’s something #tw negativity #(just in case) #riah.txt

[godnattakatta]

so i went looking through the wiki for AJ pictures since i wanted to make a design for her. and i noticed something slightly interesting:

in the design for her, she has neither shoulder fluff or a warmer on her right arm.

and in a later picture, from 1997, she clearly has both fluff and warmer

but in 1990 she doesn’t have the warmer but possibly the shoulder fluff.

im not sure why they changed it and that's not what i want to talk about - i'm going with the original design and my own headcanons and i'm saying that when she lived with macavity her arm got burnt badly so that no fur can grow there anymore (probably by Macavity himself) and that's why she has no fluff there.

#aj #also her jellicle/unique name is Żyleta #so maybe i should start tagging her as that hmhm #and at what point does a swing count as an oc? because i feel like i have made her by now #żyleta #main #my oc #don't you just love a man who can happily hurt his own children #i do believe mac loved jemima and was happy for her birth - but aj who had no magic? useless #so she was little more than a henchcat #in some ways she was treated worse than the other henchcats because she was a walking reminder about macavity's failure #*him* getting a child without magic? cant have that happen #also aj has killed someone and hurt multiple cats - she had no other choice #i wanna write something about that now oh dear #also - im throwing in a bit of munk in her design because her uncle should be there too #aj also grew up to hate deme and jem - she has vague memories but were told she was abandoned because of her worthlessness #not the truth at all but you know.... #headcanon

[pizzabeforepussy]

sometimes i get to the end of the day and im like damn why am i feeling so shitty rn? am i regressing all 13 years of progress?? and guaranteed its bc i forgot to take my afternoon meds

#it makes so much sense in hindsight #like ya you didnt take the meds that make you normal? ur gonna be not normal #and im the pikachu meme like ‘why am i not normal? must be bc im a worthless failure’ #it happens every single time too