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#so for those worries I can’t reason away I’m relying on medication
floral-hex · 11 months
Text
Made some coffee because I need the boost
Going to go shave off my beard next because I like the occasional clear cut before growing it back and also no one ever sees me so it won’t matter how baby faced I am for the next week.
Going to stupidly retry buspirone later tonight. If you’ve followed my “lore” (and I’m sorry if you have), the last time I tried it over a few days, it only gave me extra anxiety and made me feel hot and incredibly uncomfortable. Maybe that was a fluke. Maybe it was interacting with the antidepressants I had just upped my dose of. Regardless, we’ll give it another shot and if it goes bad again, I’ll just take a couple benadryls, conk out, and not worry about them again.
Okay, I love you.
#my anxiety has just been nasty lately#I’m working on the logical mental part of that but a good chunk of my anxiety & depression is due to unchangable health problems#so for those worries I can’t reason away I’m relying on medication#and I think I’m ‘brave’ (or foolish) enough to give buspar another shot#i don’t want to take a benzo or anything tonight#I took 2 klonopins last night and that seemed pretty nice but I don’t want to make that a habit#especially since doctors don’t want to prescribe them unless really really necessary#so for tonight I’ve got my second cup of coffee and I’m working on distracting myself#gonna shave off this gross beard and if I could I’d cut off my long hair#my hair is too long!#I know that’s blasphemous to say but dang it’s getting to be a bit much#also my therapist said I need to apply for jobs before our next meeting#I don’t want to (fingers crossed) get a job interview just to roll in with this gross hair#NOT THAT HAIR IS GROSS! I love you hairy people!#but I’m bad at trimming facial hair and I haven’t had a haircut in… half a year? more?#so I’m all split ends and uneven trims#and I sweat easily so I need to chop some of this all off before it gets too hot#why am I writing all of this? it’s not pertinent or important or exciting or#so anyway how are you doing?#I need more mutuals who spend ungodly amounts of time on this app#not to talk to. I suck at talking. I just like seeing people on here. doing their thing. being alive. interacting with them. it’s nice.#okay this is enough rambling#ok i love you take it sleazy#you can ignore this#text
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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years
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CQL-verse! The characters have the same age gaps between them as their actors and actresses! Wwx and Jyl are the same age, jc is 5 years younger than them. Lxc is 3 years younger than wwx&jyl and lwj is 3 years younger than him. Nmj is two years older than wwx&jyl and nhs is 8 years younger than him and the same age as lwj. (1/2)
Meng Yao is 2 years older than nhs and jzx is 2 years older than MY. I'm leaving the Wen Sibs out of this because otherwise WN would be the same age as wwx and WQ would be 4 years younger than him. But hey! If you want to go with that, go crazy! I was thinking more of Yunmeng Sibs focus, but I will be happy with anything! (2/2)
ao3
Untamed
Nie Mingjue hated the Wen sect to the point of death and war, but he had always had trouble hating sad and gentle Wen Ning.
Wen Ning was technically his peer – there were only two years between them in age – and therefore capable of the same sorts of responsibilities and duties towards righteousness as Nie Mingjue, meaning that he ought to hate him as much as all the rest. But at the same time, Wen Ning was only part of the main branch family indirectly, a ward of Wen Ruohan; he was constantly suppressed and even tormented by Wen Chao, the eldest son of that family. If anything, it seemed almost as if he’d been brought into the family just to act as the family’s scapegoat, the inferior copy that was so hapless that he made that self-indulgent hedonist Wen Chao appear somewhat competent in contrast.
Nie Mingjue couldn’t imagine treating any of his own cousins that way.
He and Wen Chao were often compared, both being about the same age, and their young brothers were of similar age as well, both of them only fourteen; this juxtaposition made sure that every single person in the cultivation world talk of them in the same breath. Nie Mingjue always came out the better in the comparison, and Wen Xu the same for his, which in the minds of most people balanced out, but which caused Wen Chao no end of rage. He knew he couldn’t take out his anger on the talented Wen Xu and so took out on poor Wen Ning instead.
Nie Mingjue hated the Wen sect.
He did not hate Wen Ning.
Wen Ning, who should not be here.
“Please,” Wen Ning said, nearly in tears, as he threw himself down to the floor in front of Nie Mingjue. He’d burst into the room in the inn Nie Mingjue was staying at, the guards that no sect leader could do without no matter what they wanted following close behind in alarm until Nie Mingjue had waved them off with a gesture; he’d been panting so hard that he’d only just now caught his breath. “Please help this useless older brother do one good thing with his life.”
Alarmed, Nie Mingjue reached out and caught Wen Ning by the shoulders, pulling him to stand and even forgetting himself enough to reach forward with a sleeve to dab away the tears staining the other man’s face.
“What is it?” he asked, feeling anxiety curdling in his gut. He’d spoken with Wen Ning before during the discussion conferences, both when he was younger and even, in a few stolen moments, after he became sect leader; he knew Wen Ning had a steady personality, if a weak one from all the bullying he endured, and that he was not given to unnecessary hysterics. If he could tolerate Wen Chao’s endless torment with a faint smile and a don’t worry sect leader Nie once you’re used to it it’s more funny than anything else, then what could make him act like this? “What is that you need help with? I do not understand.”
Wen Ning looked tired. He always had, his health had always been poor, but now it seemed worse than ever; there were circles under his eyes, and Nie Mingjue had no idea how he’d managed to get away from the Nightless City to come find him. The town he was currently in was close to the border the Qinghe Nie shared with Qishan Wen, but it was still an effort, especially for someone like Wen Ning. He might be a member of the Wen family by name, but his freedom was significantly curtailed, and it wasn’t only because he was sickly.
“My little sister is going to be attending the lectures at the Cloud Recesses,” Wen Ning said.
“The - Lan sect lectures?” Nie Mingjue repeated blankly. It was a stupid thing to say; of course it was the Lan sect’s lectures, who else would give lectures at the Cloud Recesses? And yet, at the same time – “The Wen sect hasn’t gone to them in generations.”
“Sect Leader Wen asked A-Qing to look for something,” Wen Ning said. “I don’t know what. He talks to her more than he talks to me, when she’s treating him with acupuncture and other such things – he only wants blood relations treating him now, so she’s passing along what she can do, the doctors all say she’s talented – he told her something, I think, but I don’t know what, he doesn’t talk to me…and she doesn’t talk to me, either.”
“She’s sixteen, they’re like that,” Nie Mingjue said, trying to offer comfort, but he didn’t like the sound of that – Wen Ruohan growing reliant on the medical skills of a teenager, talking with her as if she were an adult…it didn’t speak well to the Chief Cultivator’s state of mind. “So she’s going to go spy on them?”
“She is. And maybe more. There’s – there’s something back in the Nightless City, something Sect Leader Wen is refining in order to increase his power. Whatever it is, it’s powerful and evil.” Wen Ning looked paler than usual, somehow. “It was something that was kept in a cave near our village when we were younger, once. Sect Leader Wen took it away to study, and it made something go crazy, I got hurt, and my parents – anyway, it doesn’t matter. I can’t go near it without losing my senses, so I really don’t know anything about it. But I know that Sect Leader Wen only has a piece – and the Lan sect has another.”
Lan Xichen had never mentioned such a thing, but then again, he wasn’t really old enough that Nie Mingjue would expect him to know everything about his sect – he was after all a full five years younger than Nie Mingjue, three years younger than Wen Ning; he was still only seventeen, having only just graduated from his uncle’s classes the year before. He was only very technically sect leader, in the same way Nie Mingjue had only been technically sect leader after his father’s death, although unlike Lan Xichen Nie Mingjue had fought his way to step up to the task for real early on. He himself was only barely considered an adult at the age of twenty-two; it was no surprise that in the Lan sect, which had Lan Qiren to rely on, Lan Xichen might not know it all.
Or perhaps he knew, and simply didn’t say. Each sect was entitled to its secrets.
“What are you thinking?” Nie Mingjue asked.
“I’m thinking that my sister is constantly afraid for me, even though she’s younger than me,” Wen Ning said solemnly. “I’m thinking that she will break her own principles into pieces to protect me. I’m thinking that she’ll find whatever it is, or find a hint to it, and then Wen Chao will take his forces to burn the Cloud Recesses to the ground in search of it.”
Nie Mingjue could see that.
He didn’t want to, but he could.
“My brother is attending those lectures,” he said blankly. Nie Huaisang was there right now. He could be in danger – no, he would be in danger. Nie Huaisang wasn’t a good cultivator, and at fourteen, he was just a baby. Nie Mingjue had sent Meng Yao with him, nominally as his attendant, but in fact to get the benefit of the classes himself and also bully Nie Huaisang into actually learning something – he’d brought Meng Yao into the Nie sect after Jin Zixuan, full of guilt over how his father had treated a boy only two years his junior, had sent him a letter beseeching him for help following Meng Yao’s public and humiliating rejection from Jinlin Tower – but Meng Yao was only sixteen, of age with Wen Qing; what could he really do?
Moreover, sending Wen Qing and not Wen Xu, even though Wen Xu was the same age as Nie Huaisang and Lan Wangji, indicated that Wen Ruohan didn’t want his more promising son to get involved in whatever it was that he was planning, or maybe in whatever consequences followed. If Wen Chao really were to try something violent, they couldn’t afford to have a weakness already there…
“I need to get A-Qing out of the Wen sect,” Wen Ning said, and Nie Mingjue turned to look at him in shock. “Permanently. I’ve begged her to go, but she won’t leave me, she won’t leave our family of the Dafan Wen, but she has to. Something bad is going to happen soon. I know it. I don’t mind trading my life for hers, but she has to live.”
“Is there any way you can go to the Cloud Recesses as well?” Nie Mingjue asked, his mind already racing. He’d long ago given up on helping Wen Ning because he knew the other man wouldn’t turn traitor against his family, being an upright and filial child, but if his family had reached such a depth of corruption as that, then it was only right to leave them behind. If Wen Ning was finally accepting that, maybe there was something he could do. “You’re sensitive to the – whatever it is. Right? Maybe Wen Qing can suggest bringing you around to help her find her way to it.”
“How would that help?”
“It gets you somewhere safe, while I can rescue Dafan Wen – without a threat to you or to them, your sister would have no reason to insist on staying,” Nie Mingjue said, though it wouldn’t be him, exactly, that did the rescue – he’d need a firm alibi lest Wen Ruohan use it as an excuse to start something with his Nie sect. He might have prepared for war as much as he could, but the Wen sect was still stronger; if war broke out, he needed to make sure that he had the moral high ground.
Luckily, Wei Wuxian, that walking calamity of a head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang, had of late developed the habit of wandering over to visit various other sects, including Qinghe (and Nie Mingjue in specific), at his leisure, and no one ever would think to blame him for such a strange thing as a subsidiary sect of distant Wen sect cousins disappearing.
After all, Wei Wuxian had no reason to know or care about the Dafan Wen, and everyone knew he abjured politics completely, violently and repetitively, so as to make no mistake about anyone who might otherwise see him as competition for the Jiang sect’s true heir, Jiang Cheng. The five-year gap between their ages kept them from being compared – you couldn’t expect a child, and at fifteen Jiang Cheng was still very much a child, to keep up with an adult just turned twenty like Wei Wuxian – but there had always been whispers given everything with Cangse Sanren, and Wei Wuxian had had to work very hard to put a stop to them.
Wei Wuxian’s wandering habit had started back when he’d been trying to find Jiang Yanli a new fiancée to replace the engagement he’d broken by fighting with Jin Zixuan, however shameful it was for him to fight with a boy two years his junior. It was for that that he had come to Qinghe to meet Nie Mingjue, leading to them hitting it off as friends despite Nie Mingjue expressing that he had absolutely no interest in getting married to Jiang Yanli, or indeed to any nice young lady at all; then, in turn, Nie Mingjue had brought him to the Lan sect to meet Lan Xichen. They’d gotten along as well, although the most notable outcome of that visit had been little Lan Wangji developing a crush on his elder brother’s new friend while Wei Wuxian remained blissfully oblivious. His wanderings had continued even after Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan had found their way back to each other, affianced once again through their own choice rather than their parents’.
Said parents had not yet been informed of this new situation, as they were waiting for the right time to mention it. Or perhaps more accurately, the right situation to exploit with it…
Now, Nie Mingjue thought. Now was the time. It would work perfectly.
And not just as a distraction.
“Are you sure…?”
“I am,” Nie Mingjue said. “Whatever it is, Wen Ruohan must be kept from obtaining all of the pieces; he’s already too powerful, and more power will only make him more arrogant. I’ll speak with Lan Qiren. Once I take the Dafan Wen back to the Nie sect, your sister will be able to testify to whatever it is that she was asked to search for, which will give Lan Qiren the evidence he needs to get his sect’s approval for retaliatory measures. Moreover, using Wei Wuxian to help me will force Jiang Fengmian to support me as well; there’s no way he’d ever refuse to back him to the hilt.”
“The Jin sect –”
“Will join us,” Nie Mingjue said, thinking of Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan’s yet-to-be-announced engagement. Once Jin Guangshan realized that he would be pulled into the same boat as the rest of them whether he wanted to or not, any resistance he had would crumble like a structure made of sand being beaten down by the tide. “They won’t have a choice. Is there anything else I should know?”
“There’s a child,” Wen Ning said, biting his lips. “Around the same age as your brother or my sister, or maybe the Jiang sect heir, I don’t know, around that. He helps Sect Leader Wen with whatever he’s doing.”
“A child helps him?”
Nie Mingjue didn’t like the sound of that.
“I don’t know. Some secret his family knows, I think…his surname is Xue.”
Nie Mingjue frowned.
“I don’t know much about him,” Wen Ning added. “Only that he has some history with the Yueyang Chang clan. Bad history.”
“That’s a good start,” Nie Mingjue said. He realized that he hadn’t yet released Wen Ning’s shoulders, and gave them a small squeeze before doing so. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will do everything I can to help you.”
Wen Ning looked at him with admiration in his eyes, making Nie Mingjue feel a little hot under the collar.
“Thank you, Chifeng-zun,” he murmured, and Nie Mingjue shook his head.
“Call me by name,” he said, and tried to smile. “You’ll be here a lot in the future, if all goes well.”
Nie Mingjue hated the Wen sect, but he didn’t hate gentle and sad Wen Ning.
He didn’t hate him at all.
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lovee-infected · 4 years
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Hello!! Can I request headcanons about gn mc who got sick (with fever or something to the point they can't go to school) and the twst boys decided to visit and take care of them? I've always enjoyed your headcanon! Thank you!!
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Riddle Rosehearts
He's got much of a weak immune system himself so he's usually prepared for unexpected situations like this. He knows what to do.
Just lay back against your pillow, do exactly as he says and you'll return to full health in no time
He'd probably be really angry if he finds you out of bed without his permission or spending too much time over your phone and reading books; he insists on you resting and much as possible.
He agrees on being possibly a -bit- over protective but he doesn't mind. If this will do any good at your healing process then he's more than okay with it.
Whenever you tell him to stop over stressing himself because of you he just goes: " Me ? Over stressing? Of course not! If you wish me to be calmer than I already am, then stop playing around and rest well till you get better."
He truly does work his hardest for you while you need him, from takings notes of what has been teached during your absence to spending at least 2 hours a day with you, making sure that nothing goes wrong.
As the strict leader of Heartslabyul, he usually spends most of the day watching over students and checking whether they are doing good at school and exams or not, but for now he cuts back on these responsibilities to take care of you. He may not shout that out loudly, but he always puts you before any other responsibilities he might have. Perhaps he enjoys spending time with you just as much as he enjoys having fresh strawberry tarts.
Trey Clover
You were still trying to catch up with the classes but Trey just knew that it'd be too much. It was him who made you forget about the school and instead, rest in your room.
You are a bit stressed out about not being able to take care of your chores, but thankfully he is there for you. He isn't known as heartslabyul's mother for no reason, make sure that he knows how to caress and pamper you better than anyone else.
Aside checking on you every day and bringing you additional medicines and food, he makes sure to collect notes of everything that is teached during your apsence so you won't have problems catching up with the studies afterwards . No need to mention that his cooking on the other hand is stunning, 5 star chef Trey at your service.
He understands that it might be a bit boring laying down in bed without anyone to talk to, so he often comes to you as you need someone to talk to and also brings you your favorite books to read so you won't get any bored when he can't be there.
He never says a word to make you feel any bad or frustrating about being nursed by him, instead he knows how to motivate you to get better even sooner: " Nursing you is absolutely adorable, but I don't want my dear (y/n) stuck in a bed all day while I'm willing to show you way more exciting things than a just couple of books,"
Cater Diamond
Clones, clones and clones :Time to get to work! The best part with it is that he can always make sure to have at least one of his clones watching over you even if he's busy with school or stuff, not that he lets you know what he's doing though.
You wonder why Cater's staying with you 24/7, as a third year student, isn't he supposed to be like, really busy with studying? Cater assures you that there's nothing to worry about, and it seriously isn't. He can always catch up with everything even his actual self stays all night at yours.
While his use of clones might seem a bit tricky, he still makes sure to provide you with anything you as long as you're sick need and even more: Bringing you roses and chibi, stuffed animals as gifts, along with sweet chill chats whenever you're awake, sending you soft love quotes with a bunches of colorful hearts and kisses via text even as he's right beside you, He enjoys how you'll need to look up your messages to see what he texts you allthough he's sitting just a few meters away from you. Aw, the way you blush whenever youlok at your phone, how cute~
Ace Trappola
What's the purpose of going to school when he does not understand a single word of it while his mind is all stuck on you? What are doing now? Are you fine? Does your chest Still hurt? Has your pain gotten any worse? Is there someone with you right now? What if you need help??
He's about to lose his mind, he tries asking someone free to check on you but there doesn't seem to be such a person available at the moment. 'That's it , I'll go on my own'
With the help of the year gang ( Jack, Deuce and Epel) he fakes breaking his leg during a PE session and yeets off the school for an entire week. YES!
He is moving to your place for a couple of days and Deuce will cover up for him whenever someone asks where Ace is.
Ace just knows that you're sick, he isn't sure of the exact name or type of your illness. On his way to yours, he fills a bag with anything he finds at Heartslabyul's cabinets with any title as -medicine- for you. He'll later look for the right one you need between them.
When you get to look into what he has brought, you aren't sure if he's kidding or not and when you ask, Ace realizes that he's really goofed up: what he actually brought was nothing else than animal medicines, and he he literally brought you each and every of them existing in Heartslabyul; how come didn't he see the pets/only label-??
You're lucky that you already have your medicines prepared, so you tell him not to worry about it. He feels so damn embarrassed wanting to melt into earth right now, but you have to admit he really lifted up your mood. You're happy to have your cute, Crabby-haired idiot besides you while you're sick, and he tries his best to help you with cooking and making sure of you taking your right medicines on time to make up for the mess he made on his first day:" Ehehe...at least...you can use some of them when Grim gets sick, right ?"
Deuce Spade
He really wants to stay there taking care of you but... he has to go to school as well. He has to get much higher grades this semester if he doesn't want to have to spend another year as a first year.
He can't skip any of classes, but promises to spend the rest of his day after school.
He rushes with his school uniform still on to your place, not wanting to be even a second late . He has to carry some casual clothes along with his books since he wants to stay over nights if you need him.
Due to get getting in trouble a lot back at the time, he's rather educated in medical field so he knows much and less of what he'll need to do as you're sick?
His cooking isn't something he can rely on so he goes to Trey, telling that he needs some soup for Ace since he seems to be looking a bit sick lately?
He prepares your food, brings you warm towels, repeatedly checks your body temperature and when you're finally asleep, gets to his own studies. He ends up Having fewer than 3 hours of night sleep multiplr times and once, he didn't get any sleep at all.
He tries his hardest to look his best in front of you so you won't notice how terrible he actually is; when you question the bags under his eyes, he claims them to be left from the mascara which a couple of guys put on him a few days ago for fun and consistently laughs. Damn, this boy doesn't even know how to lie huh? He is literally dying, but he won't tell you a word. He can handle worse...
When you finally return to full health you realize how terrible he's been doing lately and you take rule of his nurse this time. Making sure that your cinnamon roll would finally get some sleep.
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Leona Kingscholar
"My room, now". You look way too terrible to be able to make it to the classes therefore he has to make sure that you won't do anything stupid while you need to be taking some rest.
Bringing you to his own room wasn't his main intention since he just wanted to keep an eye on you but couldn't afford to visit you everyday if you didn't live any close to him so, easiest solution to the problem would be you staying with him.
He lets you use his bed but keeps on reminding you that it's just because you're sick so you better not be expecting such things to ever happen again. He would fall asleep in less than a minute at whatever he lays his head on, so sleeping on the ground isn't as hard as it seems. He just had to make sure that you would't step on him or his tail when you walk out of the bed.
He can ask Ruggie to nurse you and all, but decides to do most of your stuff on his own because it'd be a lot worse if Ruggie too gets sick. Sharing the same room with you has already put him on a pretty high infection risk so, that wouldn't really matter if he's the one nursing you or not. He doesn't really mind getting sick either, a free chance to take some days off school and chill; why not ?
He turns out to be pretty good with board games and there's no need to worry about getting bored while you can go for 100+ chess matches with Leona winning you each and every time; a bit ironic, but entertraining nonetheless.
He's actually really enjoying spending time with you, but isn't really expressing it. The only time when he actually shows some direct affection is when he plants secret kisses on your forehead as you're asleep.
Ruggie Bucchi
He has grown up in an awfully poor family with multiple siblings, so he's pretty familiar to the pain of seeing those you hold dear sick .He has turned into a not only responsible but also supportive boy toward friends and family, so you can make sure that he can take the best care of you while you're sick.
Perhaps his only problem is...Leona. He'd need Ruggie around even during school time and the hyena boy can't even have a full 30 minutes away from him which makes it impossible for Ruggie to take his time checking on you at least once a day.
Well, he has to find a way to babysit both of you at the same time so, -Let's take you to his own room-
Great ! He no longer needs to worry now that he can take care of you both. Leona too agrees on you staying at his as long as you don't cause any trouble.
Poor Ruggie has to sleep on the floor but assure you that he rarely gets to be the one sleeping on bed back in the home so, he is kinda used to sleeping on the cold ground.
He knows how to cook? Much and and less of it but who cares? He just asks you what you want and returns with it in 30 minutes; guess why: Because he'd just borrow the food from someone else. He doesn't mind his dirty ways indeed, you're sick so, you're more important than some dude wanting to chill on his food during lunchtime.
He just takes a list of medicines you may need and returns with all of them in his bag. He has to come at the right time on his own every time you have to take any of them since you'd most likely either fall asleep or forget to take them on time.
Enjoy your time with him, because it's gonna be a real luxury. He'd treat you nothing less than the way he treats Leona as he's sick so, you may consider yourself a part of a royal family at his service.
Jack Howl
Fluffy tsundere wolf is ready to give up on all he's got for you, what on earth might be sweeter than this ?
The moment, no, the second he realizes that you're not feeling well, Jack would immediately take you to the nurse office to see if you're. It's such a relief that it isn't thst serious, all you need to do is to take some rest.
Meanwhile you're resting in bed, he'll do the shopping and asks the kitchen for some soup ( You're sick you can't have too salty or sweet foods like normal cafeteria meals ) He gives up on his own meal to get some for you instead, it's just hunger of course he can handle it.
He feeds you and makes sure that you'll finish your entire meal, reminds you to take your medicines on time, brings you your favorite books to read and, most importantly, listens to... anything you'd ask him for.
He hardly ever lets anyone touch his ears or tail but if it's you, why not? You even fall asleep hugging his tail like a doll and he just patiently waits for you to wake up, blushing as he appreciates how cute you look while asleep.
Damn he has to keep the distance otherwise he as well would end up being sick but, it just seems impossible to say no when you ask for cuddles.
Jack tells you stories of his home town and national legends making your mouth drop in fascination. His stories seem to amaze him just as they amaze you and it makes him unbelievably happy to see you liking things he's been appreciating all over his life.
He even gets to the point of talking about his will to become all mighty and strong just like the magicians he looks up to, especially Leona. Just watching his strength gives you the will to overcome your illness and be at least a bit like Jack; he's really great, isn't he?
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Azul Ashengrotto
No no no- Unacceptable! You shouldn't be sick, you shouldn't -get- sick- He told you to watch what you eat and what you wear as it's raining out there - HE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES- But now what? You are sick.
Azul panicks, he keeps on exaggerating the whole thing even if it's just a normal cold. He just isn't the type to easily deal with sicknesses. Whenever he catches a cold, it'll take him weeks to return to full health due to how weak his body is and, he's so worried about you being the same.
Soup, warm water bath, Medicines , magic potions to reduce the fever, ultimate revival spells... he showers you in all of them. Even if the virus won't kill you Azul's overprotection will most likely do, and he'll get really mad if you tell him that he's exaggerating it.
When you regain half of your full health, you ask him to let you return to school and- He immediately pits you back in bed: "No leavings, not until you're done with this troublesome fever or whatever."
You feel like an adult forced to stay in a cradle and wear diapers meanwhile Azul thinks that you're too naive to take your health seriously.
When you finally manage to pull him over, you realize how sick and pale he's gotten since you got sick. The bags under his eyes proved that he hasn't been getting much of sleep recently. "God what have you done to yourself-"
You finally tell him that he's the one who needs help , not you. You plant a kiss on his cheek and force his head to your lap, wanting him to get some sleep. He slowly understands that he might've been taking it a bit too seriously, but since you are fine now, he's kinda glad that he took it hard on you. He just wants you to be safe and sound; even if his it's going to cost his own health on the first placd.
Jade Leech
Humans get sick? It's pretty rare of aquatic creatures, especially eels to get sick so Jade's pretty new to this . 'wow , pathetic , aren't humans?' he thinks . Well anyway he can't just stand back and make fun humans while you seem to be in serious pain, but what can he do? He still has a lot to learn about human life and it's his first time having one of them sick, oh man.
Well, they tell that you should get some...rest ? Well maybe he should take you to bed. First step done , let's go for the rest. He blocks several of his classmates in the corners asking for... information. He simply takes notes . Possibly useful medicines and meals, hours of sleeping, allowed activities, useful tips, warnings, etc.
He has to read the list several times to make sure that he's got it all right. Let's nurse (y/n).
He unexpectedly goes from 0 to 100 like bam- bye eel boy hello nurse Leech. He'll turn your room into a hospital room, a good one though, filled with dolls and flowers and anything he was told to add because they send away positive vibes.
His cooking on the other hand is amazing. He'll look for several light meals for sick bodies but- chooses those which match your tastes . You can't help but to love everything he cooks . Chef's kiss.
He changes your bed pillow and cloths everyday, returning with washed, silky pillows and covers . A warm, smooth bed is what you need for a good sleep.
If there was such a status he would've been the god of nursing; wow you would've needed pay him off a lot for his service if he wasn't giving it all to his darling for free.
When you finally regain your health, he just has one more question left to ask before leading you to your daily classes: "Now now dear, would you mind rating me , and my nursing service?"
seem like he's really curious to see whether he's done it correctly or not.
Floyd Leech
Things seem so uncool when you're not as energetic as always , pale skin as if you're choking on lack of oxygen and bizarreness in your movements like a doll, smh, so boring.
Just like Jade, he's pretty new to surface life and watching you bear with illness looks pretty weird in his eyes?
When Jade, finally, informs him on what exactly happens to human body while struggling with an illness and what he must do to you to get rid of this annoying mode, he understands. Floyd still finds human's body shitty for how weak it is but decides to use Jade's words as a guide to deal with you.
A warm bed, fluffy pillows and stuffed animals, these seemed to be enough for step one: Enough of rest and sleep. He can't blame you on this one though, sleeping is always amazing. Something that never gets boring. Everything seems to be pretty fine to begin with, sadly it won't last any longer than a few hours-
He's told to bring you food, but when he returns with 4 bags filled with chocolate, candy, soda and chips; it's obvious that he didn't get the point correctly. Jade explains that your body is still way to weak for too salty or sweet foods, even highly cooked meals would worsen your immune system and make it take much longer to be healed.
Floyd goes for a second pick up and this time: this time returns with raw potatoes and frozen meat- Raw potatoes and frozen meat-. Well, he just followed everything Jade told him...? Neither too salty nor to sweet, and raw because Jade told him not to bring over-cooked stuff. Even if the virus did you no harm you would've probably died under his food selections if Jade wasn't there to stop him...
While his food choices might be horrible, Floyd's still one of the best mutuals you can have close when you aren't feeling well. With him beside you, giggling and chuckling as he rambles on how boring his day was, you've got to admit that you'd rarely feel sick when he's around. Although you're sick at the moment, nothing seems to have changed between the two of you, he enjoys spending time with you now just as much as he enjoys it when you're all safe and sound.
Well...maybe he can't be the best nurse you'd get to have , but one thing's for sure: No one can ever make you laugh like he does and, you know what say: Laughter is the best medicine~
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Kalim al asim
He can't be any more worried, he stresses out whenver a friend is sick and now, it's not just a friend, it's -you-, one of the dearest and closest ones Kalim had ever had; just how can he keep calm ???
He is being raised under severe health protection and hardly ever catches even a simple cold, several people had taught him strict health routines and he had to follow them all over his life, so he is considerably familiar with ways of overcoming and illness , and that's what he's here for!
Jamil forbids him from cooking since it's too dangerous if he needs to use any knifes, but that wouldn't hold him back from finding enormous food recipes based on your favorite condiments to make your meal more pleasant.
He makes sure to prepare anything you need in a matter of seconds, golden peacock or 5000 camels, doesn't matter ! He's got way more than enough and what use would be better than giving them to you?
He can take care of you on his own, but Jamil insists on Kalim leaving it all to him and stay away from you as much as possible (No need to mention the high risk of infection for Kalim since he's almost sticking to you all the time)
Jamil as well would caress you meanwhile you rest at Scarabia (Right, Kalim proudly brought you there ) and Kalim, makes sure to stay close to you as much as he can, mostly when Jamil isn't around to tell him off- He doesn't want to put Jamil in more trouble but, you are his first priority.
You're bound to your bed, but just having Kalim around brings way more fascinating adventures than what you might get to see out there. His stories really do show you to a whole new world and takes the pain in your lungs and chest way further that your mind could catch . Perhaps Kalim is he one and only who can make your mind fly, even as your body's laying lifelessly in bed.
Jamil Viper
For the first time, someone stressed him out more than Kalim always does. He's always expecting to be scared to death because of him, but because of you? Damn he didn't see this coming.
Depending on what your illness is, he manages to freak out even more or clam himself down to his sane self, but the main point is how he's got to serve you all the best until you're totally safe.
He soon prepares any kind of medicine and chemical you may need and you have to use them all properly, don't even think of rejecting any single one of them otherwise Jamil would force feed you: "Don't be such a baby, you won't get any better unless you have these"
Just like Azul, he might be a bit overprotective with your health since he doesn't even let you leave the bed for more than a few minutes. He insists on you avoiding any sort of activities that may be tiring or heavy to your body.
To be honest, the thought of using his snake whisper on you when you don't behave or ask him to stop being so strict over a simple illness crosses his mind. Luckily, he refuses to use it. You're still his lover that'd be too heartless of him to take advantage of you like this just because you can't see how much he loves you.
He needs to keep the distance, but has to admit that it can be really hard to avoid hugging and kissing all over your face when you're gazing at him with that sweet smile.
Having you close makes Jamil realize how affectionate he actually is: How much he misses the healthy and happy you who he was never in a danger. Well maybe this nursing days gives him a lesson to at least try to have some sweeter time with you while you are all safe and sound - and not tiredly laying in your bed.
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Vil Schoenheit
You can consider yourself nothing less than a Prince/ Princess when Vil of all people is caressing you. Your body is still way too weak to have control of anything going on in your life at the moment, and that's how Vil takes control over all of them- all in your life. Which means that you now have to live and do as he wishes.
He will take no effort in turning you into one of the fairest of all students in school (Not that you'll ever reach him though) as long as he can have his eyes over you. His rules are way more than just -beauty- ; just as he can be the all fair and powerful Queen who steps on you, he knows how to play the role of the nurse like a Queen would do~
A royal maiden is only to serve the royal family, so it's time to show how much of a princess /prince you can be in bed. You don't need to worry about your medicines or meals since Vil's always organized and on time with them, not to mention that his cooking too seems to be pretty good. He uses light yet, nutritious recipes that you'd enjoy and you're really surprised because these kinds food don't really look tasty.
Perhaps he just needed an excuse all this time to get this close to you, so he can take care of anything he's been dreaming to do with you all this time. Pedicure and manicure, trying on new fruit masks, resting face and body muscles to have a smoother, cleaner skin, etc.
Your room is a beauty salon at this point and you usually forget that you're actually sick.
He works on not only your physical beauty but also your manners, he doesn't care if you're sick or not . It's the best time to take away your poor manners and habits.
Well the scary Queen has got his own soft spots too; while indirectly giving you beauty lessons, he enjoys teasing you as you sometimes look pretty naive and new to all dos and don'ts of a high-level life like his, and he's more than pleased to teach you: "Pull yourself together , potato."
Rook Hunt
He isn't really into the whole nursing game but- If it's an opportunity to stalk caress and admire you all night, why not?
He is lowkey familiar with the basics so, it isn't supposed to be that difficult to handle . Finding pills and medicines isn't hard either since they can all be found at mister S's shop. ( He would've liked it better if he had to get them from a moster or something, anything more adventurous)
Though he doesn't really like quiet and safe journeys he'd actually appreciate it if it's with you. And of course, he won't let anyone else take advantage. Let it just be with the two of you and all~
He isn't about to hurt or scare you in any sort way; it's true that he just loves it when things get a bit dangerous but, he knows how to manage excitement as well. You want him to be a soft gentleman? Then that's what he's going to be.
Rook would be the softest Rook you could've ever imagined when he plays the nurse. It can't even be called nursing: It's about a passionate lover spending all his time with his darling who isn't feeling well. Even his expressions are taken to a totally different level, the mysterious smile he always puts on is replaced with a worried and, mildly sad gaze that makes your heart melt.
Might sound too dramatic bug he may even sing you to sleep. Sweetest words ever dancing to the rhythm of his unique accent that make your cheeks hurt at trying not to blush. This isn't the only drama he's up to though, even his normal speaking often ends up with your mind drowning in feelings. He won't bother giving you soft kisses on hand and forehead when you don't expect it. He likes surprising you, even if it's in a romantic way.
And...the real Rook, is only out when you're asleep. Sitting on a chair just a few inches away from your bed, a pair of eyes carefully follow the pace of your chest as it rises and falls. He's never tired, a huntsman gets no sleep as long as his prey's close by. Wow, if sweetness is all he needed to approach you, then he should give it a try more often~
Epel Felmier
His first reaction to hearing of you being sick is summarised in :Gasping, Blushing, Questioning, Sad puppy eyes. "It's just a simple fever...right? (Y/n) will soon be better..." , Epel confronts himself. He isn't getting overly emotional, but when it comes to you, he does have a sensitive spot.
At first, it is his anxiety over your health that makes him want to come over to your house to check up on you everyday but , it soon ends up being more serious. What if this is an opportunity to prove his reliability? You'd finally get to see how much of a strong and helpful man he can be. Even as he looks soft.
While Epel's trying his hardesr to seem a tough as possible, you can't help but to adore his cuteness as he is doing his best while you're sick. He bakes you the best of apple pies you've ever had and you have to admit; being sick can't hold you back from enjoying the sweet taste of fresh, caramelized baked apples melting in your mouth.
Growing up to be a country boy, he never really relied on chemicals as a useful cure to any illnesses. He's more into organic ways of helping human body into regaining its lost energy, which can be put as : 1) Healthy food 2) Enough of sleep and rest 3) Lifted up spirits and enough of humor. He'd be really protective over the last option, he wants to make sure that your self-esteem and spirits would be way better than ever
He has to keep the distance, but some small cuddles would not hurt, right? Perhaps some small forehead kisses before bedtime too. He's still pretty uncomfortable with kisses but, since you're sick...that can be counted as an exception.
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Idia Shroud
He's been away from humanity for too long; long enough to almost forget that humans get sick. Robots sometimes have their codings crashed or their gears damaged, that's when they'll need an engineer to repair them . How did the cure system work with humans?? He can't really remember. Due to spending time with almost nobody except Ortho (who happens to be a robot) and hardly ever leaving his room and as the result, barely getting sick, Idia is pretty new to human body's metabolism; he isn't sure of what he might be able to do for you. But, humans have something called...immune system, right? Ah something that heals body on its own. Well maybe relying on that would be enough.
He decides to give you some far distance support instead of comimg all way down to your dorm . He can't be any more happier of technology's existence for such cases. Your immune system can heal you on its own, all he've got to do is to send some motivation your way. The summary of most of his extremely motivational texts would be : "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger! Keep it up (y/n)!!👊✨💥" and when you reply telling him how terrible you're feeling he'd just try to look for strongers sentences-
He repeatedly mistakes humans and robots and accidently texts you:" why don't you get someone to repair you?" several times. Then goes to bang his head against the wall realizing how dumb he's acting.
When you get worse he gives up. Maybe those sentences wasn't enough of motivation . Idia really does want to come visit you in person but he seems to be bound to his area. Well at least, Ortho isn't, right? He comes up with a way better idea to program Ortho to take care of you while Idia can't do it himself. He copied hundreds of anatomy, human biology and medicine to Ortho's data list. Well that seems to be enough. He can now cook, wash clothes, brings you your medicines and most importantly, remain by your side all the time as you may need help. Idia puts s small camera on Ortho so he'd be able to watch what's going on as long as you need Ortho's his help. He feels quite guilty for not showing up on his own but- maybe it's just better this way. Coming in person would do no good but him freaking out at not knowing what to do which would end up in making you feel worse. Long distance watch as he controls Ortho around is way better, even if he has to keep his eyes on tablet 24/7. He cuts back on his sleeping to make sure that nothing would go wrong. Even long distance watch seems to be stressful at this point...
He does care about you, a lot, but right now, he's no prepared to show physical affection. Let him show his love through his very own ways, he's just taking baby steps with you <3
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Malleus Draconia
"Now now little one, don't give in so easealy. I know you're stronger than this..." Malleus motivates you. You certainly aren't going to die just because of a simple fever but still, wow. Humans -are- truly weak and fragile. He shouldn't really be caring for a mortal being especially if it's a human, but you are an 'exception'; you always are.
He could just leave you to Lilia and Sebek and you would've been under their watch and care 24/7, but he prefers to do this on his own since you are his favorite creature. He doesn't mind seeing how you'd overcome the pain even if it's with a simple cold. He wants to get more of you and your expressions.
He doesn't really have much to do, magic can do it all. All it takes to turn your depressing room into a prince/princess's dreamy bedroom is a twist of a finger. Go on and tell him what you want , you shall have in within a second. "All the best for you, child of man~"
While his significant magic skills are all truly stunning and helpful, his presence on his own seems to be the best part of him nursing you. He is your tsunotarou, afterall~ Not the descendant of Mistress of all Evil but only when it comes to you.
Sometimes he'd make you wish you'd stay in bed forever and ever, all to have him here, by your side. Just to have his soft, slender fingers brushing against your cheek and playing with the tip of your hair.
He does talk, but most of the time being is spent in silence since he doesn't want to bother you if it's hard for you to talk. He may pretend to be busy with something else but it's just to take your mind over the fact that he's watching you all the time. His small gestures are just as sensual as his words. Kisses on forehead, locking his dragon eyes with you , brushing your soft hair with hand as you lay on his shoulder (not that he cares about keeping the distance although you're sick. Your human illnesses are way too weak to do any harm to him, anyway~ )
His favorite time of the day is when you're asleep. You're adorable and lovely all time but, your sleeping pose, it's unimaginably beautiful to him. Watching your calm face empty of any emotion followed by the calm, yet, organized pace in your breathing as your chest falls and rises. He barely gets any sleep during the night, he doesn't need it. Watching you is way more pleasing: "Sweet dreams, my precious little human~"
Lilia Vanrouge
The most experienced, dedicated nurse here. He's been raising many of baby faes and struggling with a young, fireball shooter baby Malleus over the years. Nursing a fragile ill human like you is no more than a warm-up for him.
Chill on your bed and let him take care of everything, from the warm towels to fluffy blankets and pillows. Smooth music playing in your room as you take short naps, plushies and teddy bears around your bed giving you feelings of a newborn baby sleeping in a warm and fancy bed.
That's not all, along with his professional nursing skills, having Lilia himself around would take it all to a whole new level. He is so full of contrasts; Young and old, quite and wild, wise and careless, serious and silly and probably hundreds of other adjectives you can name.
Where else would you find a nurse who'd play you your favorite rock tracks on his guitar in the afternoon while at night, brings you cookies and hot milk to have while listening to his old but -gold- stories before going to sleep?
Lilia has got it all, old, new, calm, wild, and perhaps that's how it's never boring when he's the one you are spending time with. 'Sickness with benefits' to call. But, don't forget his horrible cooking skills.
Better hide some canned food under your pillow to save yourself from starvation when he's not around, refuse to eat his food st any cost (otherwise you'll need another 2 week hospitalized because of food poisoning-)
Make sure to thank your adorable bat nurse when you're back to full health; even if your stomach's still in pain because of his nasty cooking.
Silver
It's...his first time taking care pf someone. He is neither experienced nor educated when it comes to human health... especially because of how he's been living with fairies (who barely get sick) all over his life. The only reliable source for him would be his own memories; how Lilia used to take care fo him when he was a child. There isn't much he can remember but that'd do
Nursing doesn't seem to be that hard when he actually gives it a try - Mostly about you sleeping all day. Wow if sleeping this much is considered to be a symptom of being sick, then Silver himself has to be sick as hell 24/7. He isn't really sure if that's concerning or not
He is doing good since he seems go be pretty responsible and calm toward the whole thing, but don't expect him to be on time.
Silver wants to make sure that you'll take your medicines on time but he often fails to. He oversleeps most of the time and when he's up, he'd panic knowing that you missed your hourly medicine again.
He'd lowkey feel frustrated and useless when he misses stuff because of his sleeping issues, especially when it comes to you. He have to go for a stronger method so, he ends up in using 7 different clocks and alarms to make sure that he won't miss anything anymore; you're sick. He has to do all his best to take care of you. Nobody matters more than you do. Alarm clocks he uses are freaking loud and give him a heart attack whenever he uses them to wake up. Poor guy would need a long sleep when you're better.
He often falls asleep next to your bed after making sure that you are having a peaceful night sleep. He places a goodnight kiss on your forehead lays his head at the bottom of your bed. Who knows, maybe he would dream of you tonight, again.
Sebek Zigvolt
There's no way that you'd ever come close to master Malleus but- he still cares for you, a lot. Perhaps as much as he cares for Malleus although he refuses to confess to it. He is trained and skilled for all possible emergencies so he's all prepared to take the best possible care of you and make sure that you'll return to full health in no time.
He just knows what he is doing and makes sure that things would run smoothly. He is keeping each and every aspect in consideration and can organize everything like no one else can. From your sleeping schedule to light exercises required as you're sick. He insists on you starting to develop a better life style so that you won't end up in bed and lose time like this.
It's nice to have someone keeping the balance of your life when you need it, but when it's Sebek we're talking about, know that he might go a bit -too far- with it. He'd be overly protective and strict while you need a considerable deal of sympathy and softness too since you're sick - He collects notes of everything that was teached while you were sick and brings them to you to study, telling you that it'd be impossible to keep up with the rest of the lessons unless you study them right now, in your bed. And when you complain of it being hard to read and sit due to how weak your body is, he returns with the solution: Audio books (He isn't giving up... deal with it )
Studying isn't your only issue: he's being protective over each and every muscle you move. He'd wake you up early in the morning for a light, morning work out and doesn't let you out of the bed for the rest of the day. Whenever you complain, that's what his answer would be: " Master Lilia has blessed me with these , gloriously impressive lessons he's learned through experiences within his long- lasting life!! I believe in his words from the bottom and there's surely no cure greater than this if he says so" poor boy isn't considering he possibility of Lilia tricking him again at all.
This puppy means good, even if he fails to show it as great as you might be expecting him to. In fact he is just following all that he's told to, meanwhile he's pretty inexperienced and new to it. You may find it a bit unfair but, consider that he would've never gone out of his way to take care of you for plenty of hours everyday if it wasn't for you (Or Malleus-) seeing you sad on its own gives him wet puppy vibes let alone having you sick . He may act like a coward but, it's all because of how much you mean to him.
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engagemachine · 3 years
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"You're so gentle," she tells me. They all say it. I hear it from my patients every time I take their arm to wrap the blood pressure cuff around it, or when I place my stethoscope on their belly, or when I rub circles into their back when I've helped them sit up on the side of the bed for the first time in three days. Sometimes they cry, because it's the first tender touch they've felt since they've been in the hospital. It's very humbling and at the same time very concerning -- why has no one else offered this tenderness to you? Why am I always the first?
But I don't feel gentle. Not when a pair of ribs are cracking beneath my hands as I'm doing chest compressions on a Covid patient who's stopped breathing--the second time I've administered CPR on a Covid patient in two days. I don't feel gentle when I'm wrestling with a patient and begging for them to keep their oxygen mask on. When I have to hold them down and hold them still so my coworker can draw a blood sample. I don't feel gentle when I'm inserting a nasogastric tube down someone's nose, then throat, and into their belly while they're gagging around the tube and their arms are flailing. And I don't feel gentle when I'm washing a sacral wound with bleach and they're crying because it hurts. I don't feel gentle when I have to shout, beg, and plead for patients to listen, when I tell patients they're going to die if they don't keep their oxygen mask on. I don't feel gentle when I have to place a patient in restraints, or when I call a family member and tell them that their loved one's condition hasn't improved. I don't feel gentle when a patient tells me they can't breathe, they can't breathe, I can't breathe, and I'm yelling for coworkers to call the doctor while I'm cycling through different oxygen masks and trying to administer medication to slow their respirations and calm their anxiety.
I'm writing this because I feel like I've been living a little bit behind a veneer on here, although I know deep down that's not really true; I have always wanted my blog to feel like a positive space for anyone and everyone, including myself. I come here to have fun and destress and that's why you usually don't see me reblogging content having to do with politics or global news. I think it's possible to create a healthy space where one does talk about those things and spreads awareness for important causes, but for me, Tumblr is where I come when I need to escape the harsh realities of real life. This is my platform where I can indulge in my fictional proclivities and interests, where I can appreciate art, photography, beautiful writing, my favorite films, music, and cute animals. That's what this space is about. I also have loved meeting new people and getting to know my readers and making new friends and chatting about my stories. That's why I'm here and I thank you all so, so much for indulging me in my passions and for encouraging my writing the way that you have: it has helped me weather the current storm of stress I am feeling in more ways than I could possibly convey.
But I have to be very honest with you all about how much I've been struggling lately, as I feel like I'm reaching a breaking point and I'm somewhat at a loss for how to handle it.
Since September of last year, I've been on an accelerated track to finish the degree I'm working towards, which is a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I've been a nurse for four years, but I graduated from a two-year nursing program versus a four-year program because I wanted to get into the field earlier than some of my peers, which has been great. Anyway, my school counselor/mentor and I agreed that I could obtain my BSN in a year if I really pushed myself. The program I'm in is self-paced, which has been both a blessing and a curse. Most of my classes I have finished in about three to four weeks. Other classes, like biochemistry, took substantially longer, about seven or eight weeks, if I remember correctly. All of the classes have relied on my ability to self-teach, as there are no scheduled lectures to attend, only assigned readings and videos to watch, if you choose to do so. Fast forward to the end of May, when I went to visit some family, and, upon my return home, really started to lose some of my motivation to complete my classes. I was meant to finish my program in August (this month) but agreed with my mentor that I would take a short break and put my last three classes on hold so that I could resume the program in September. I've enjoyed approximately a month off from school, but "enjoyed" is a term I use loosely here as I was also picking up extra shifts at work because we've been so short staffed and losing nurses left and right.
Which brings me to the main cause of my stress. This pandemic has completely changed the landscape for how I administer care to my patients, and the stress of the care itself has been so utterly overwhelming at times I can hardly bear it. I broke down in tears at work on Sunday morning, shortly after 4:30 am, right there at the the nurse's station, and was sobbing so hard that my supervisor had to pull me away so that I could have some privacy. I wish I could tell you that I sobbed harder than I have in a long time--but I had sobbed at work with that same intensity just four weeks prior, only, I had been alone at the time. It's becoming a trend--I either cry at work or I cry at home--because the stress of this job has become unbearable.
I wish--I desperately wish--I could convey to you the seriousness of Covid. I think so much of the world has already decided to move on from it because they're so tired of having to deal with it and, quite simply, are ready to return to normal. I don't even know what normal is anymore and when--or if--we'll ever be able to return to it. And that has caused me a fair amount of stress and anxiety in and of itself. I miss traveling so much and I don't know when I'll be able to do it again. I haven't seen one of my best friends since the fall of 2018 for this reason, which kills me.
I've seen so much death. Transferred so many patients to the PCU and ICU. Frantically chased patients' oxygen saturation, trying to keep them from circling the drain. Being responsible for six or seven human lives at one time is a stress you cannot fathom unless you have done it yourself. I have cried with a patient, a young woman, who had lost her husband to Covid only hours before in the ER, a young woman who was now faced with battling Covid herself but also planning the funeral of her high school sweetheart from her hospital bed. I have wheeled a patient to the ICU so that he could say one final goodbye to his wife--married for over 50 years--before they pulled the plug and removed her from the ventilator. I have raced down the hallway with my patient on BIPAP, pushing his bed to the ICU and praying that he doesn't stop breathing on the way there. I've had to console crying family members over the phone who are worried about their loved ones, not to mention my crying coworkers who are as overwhelmed as I am. These are just a handful of experiences from the past month alone. There are so many more.
The discomfort of my job has become secondary. I expect, now, to be wearing an N95 for a full twelve or thirteen-hour shift because there isn't time to take it off. Not having a chance to pee or go to the bathroom during that time. Not drinking any water until I'm in my car and taking off my mask and finally taking a deep breath.
On a more personal note, I am continuing to lose weight and it's so discouraging. In high school I used to wear a size 2 or 4. Now, depending on the brand, I wear a double 00. My hair is falling out because of my stress. I haven't slept during the night in... I don't even know how long. I'm constantly tired. Exhaustion hits me like a great tidal wave and I am powerless to stop it. I expect now to crash during the middle of the day on my couch, only to wake up at 11pm and be wide awake for the rest of the night, and, if not wide awake, then in an out of nightmares and sleep paralysis. I have thought about leaving my job, but the idea of job hunting during a pandemic, and while I'm in school... it just makes me feel even more stressed.
I need a break, but it feels like there's nowhere to go to escape. I fantasize about some great adventure, going somewhere I've never been, but I also really miss my family and I'm scared to go home to visit.
This post doesn't really have a conclusive ending. I'm just exhausted and overwhelmed. Any prayers/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
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multiplefandomsblog · 3 years
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Gundham, Kazuichi, and Mikan with an Ultimate veterinarian S/O
warnings; light cussing, unedited, inaccurate depictons of what vets do, gender neutral pronouns for reader, gn!reader
Request; Hi there! Can I request gundham, kazuichi, and mikan with an Ultimate veterinarian S/O? Maybe they have wild animals by their side all the time :) thanks!
Gundham
◊ Gundham would trust you 100%
◊ He relies on you a bunch.
◊ Knowing that you are a veterinarian who loves animals, is all he needed to know to trust his life and the dark devas life with you.
◊ Gundham is pretty protective and careful with his devas, so if anytime the devas showed signs of a small sickness, he’d immediately go to you.
◊ He’d be so concerned for his devas so he would always go to you to see what’s wrong.
◊ Most of the time, the devas are fine and Gundham was just being a worried dad.
◊ But you’d be lying if you said you didn’t get a biiiiiiit happy every time he rushed into your clinic with a worried expression on his face.
◊ You assure him that his devas look fine, but he still insists you check them thoroughly.
◊ As usual, they are fine and he looks relieved.
◊ Though actually, one time he had faked his worry for the devas so he could have an excuse to see you.
◊ He was planning to ask you out while you examined his loyal companions.
◊ “So erm, how are my dark devas doing? Perfectly, I assume.” He spoke in his low tone of voice. “Well, Maga-G, Sun-D and Jum-P are doing fine. Except for Cham-P, he may be a tad dehydrated. If you monitor him carefully and make sure he drinks water, he’ll be good.” Gundham nodded with a nervous but confident grin, words not quite hitting his ears yet, “Indeed, so would you like to- Wait WHAT-?” Gundham paled, registering your words a bit too slow and freaking out.
◊ “Cham-P iS DYING?? WHAT WILL I- Oh goD-” Gundham hyperventilates, grabbing your hands unconsciously and squeezing them so tight it slightly hurt. 
◊ “Please, S/o, save his life!!”
◊ You looked at him with surprise, face heating up at the sudden touch.
◊ ”G-gundham, Cham-P isn’t dying, he just needs to drink more water.” You cut off.
◊ Gundham suddenly froze, face heating up from the realization of his hands in yours.
◊ “O-oh, I see my mistake.” You laughed at his reaction, relishing in the feeling of his hands still resting in yours.
◊ “So what did you want to ask me earlier?” Gundham’s eyes widened, “Oh uh- I was just wondering if... Yo-you’d help me nurse Cham-P back to health?” He chickened out at the last minute, mentally scolding himself for losing his confidence.
◊ Though you knew that wasn’t what he meant to say since you had told him about Cham-P after he had tried to ask you something, you still accepted happily.
◊ Your animals and his dark devas had a few debates as you and Gundham helped Cham-P drink from the water nozzle thingy.
◊ “Water is not wet.” Maga-G scoffed, examining his nails. “Okay but, water makes things wet, so how is it not wet?” Your bird argued, looking at Maga-G with disbelief. “I have to pee.” Jum-P blurted out, hopping back inside the cage to do his business. “Can I come!?” San-D followed suit, hopping into the cage as well.
◊ “What do you think they’re talking about?” You questioned, looking at the animals argue.
◊ “Obviously, they are discussing their plan to destroy the world. My dark devas have the intelligence of a god!” Gundham boasted, staring at the dark devas with pride.
◊ “-No, you’re wrong, I’m right, shut up.” Maga-G ended the argument unfairly, stomping his foot down(if you get the reference, ily).
Kazuichi
◊ Kazuichi would be scared when he first saw you walk by with your army of animals following you.
◊ “I-is that a tiger!?”
◊ He’d be kind of intimidated by you at first, not wanting to get on your bad side and have your animals maul him.
◊ Other than your army of animals catching his eye, he thought you were pretty cute.
◊ Though he was itching to ask you out, he was too scared to go within 5 meters distance near you.
◊ He’d kind of just, scream cheesy pick-up lines to you.
◊ “HEY S/O! ARE Y-” “What!?” “ARE YOU-” “Can you come closer!? I can’t hear you!” “HAHAHA, N-NEVERMIND IT’S NOTHING!”
◊ Eventually, Kazuichi warmed up to your animals(it’s kind of the opposite really-).
◊ Funny story how actually, Kazuichi was working on the underbelly of his machines, and he needed his wrench. Assuming Fuyuhiko was still there—Which he wasn’t—, he asked for a wrench.
◊ (un)Luckily for him, one of your dogs had been there, and it had picked up the wrench and brought it to Kazuichi’s outstretched hand. 
◊ “Thanks, Fuyu.” He accepted the wrench, expecting a grunt of ‘You’re welcome.’
◊ He, however, did not expect a very loud, “BORK!” in return.
◊ He screeched, wincing as he jolted up and hit his forehead on the hard metal underneath his machine.
◊ Not long after the bark echoed through the area, you had come running, your forehead creased from worry.
◊ “Oh, there you are!” You huffed out in relief as your eyes caught sight of the familiar coloured fur.
◊ You looked down at Kazuichi’s bottom half sticking out underneath from a machine, hearing a groan coming from him.
◊ “Kazuichi?” You squealed when you heard a- “S-s/o!?” come from underneath the machine, A “BANG!” following after.
◊ “Ow- U-uh hey S/o..!” He greeted waving his hand awkwardly from underneath the metal. 
◊ “Uh, A-are you going to come out?” You asked, concerned for—what sounded like—his head injury.
◊ “U-um nope. It’s uh, it’s cozy underneath here.” He refused politely, not wanting you to see his red face. 
◊ Literally red(or pink??) face; Blood had been running down his fucking forehead from the two hard bonks against the metal.
◊ The dog could smell the bullshit(and the blood) emitting from Kazuichi’s words, and bit gently onto his sneaker, urging out a scream from the pinkette.
◊ It pulled him out from underneath the machine, revealing his bloody forehead.
◊ You gasped in shock as you hurried him up to his feet, hastily bringing him to your clinic.
◊ He blushed at your close proximity, letting you drag him to a waiting seat.
◊ He watched warily as your animals ran into the backroom of your clinic, bringing you medical supplies as you carefully examined his forehead. 
◊ The animals watched you two as you disinfected his forehead, making Kazuichi nervous from the many tiny animal eyes glaring into him.
◊ He tensed as he felt a ferret climb his shoulder, clenching his eyes shut. 
◊ The ferret kissed him on his forehead, leaving you and him speechless.
◊ Well shit, the ferret had more confidence than you.
Mikan
◊ Mikan thought your ultimate was pretty cool!
◊ Since you were both in the medical field, you two had many things to talk about, therefore getting along unsurprisingly well.
◊ At first, she was a bit scared of your big animals, your small ones not so much.
◊ All your animals seemed to really really like her, and they’d be pretty protective of her.
◊ If Teruteru had said something perverted to her, one of your bears would maul him. 
◊ Everyone cheered as the bear kept on swinging TeruTeru’s arm in its jaw.
◊ That one time Hajime made Mikan cry, one of your lizards had slipped off Mikan and bit his finger.
◊ “Not cool, Hajim-“ Nagito started, before glancing down on his bloody finger, “Oh shit, are you okay??” 
◊ There’s always at least one of your animals stuck onto her just in case she gets picked on by Hiyoko or TeruTeru.
◊ They always have her back!
◊ If Hiyoko insulted Mikan for no good reason, the monkeys would pull her pigtails whilst the cats quickly ran to her dorm to shit inside it.
◊ Hiyoko stopped messing around with Mikan after that.
◊ Those times she trips and falls in very inconvenient positions, the animals cover her or scare everyone else away until you or someone trusted comes and helps.
◊ As the animals always have her back, she always has theirs.
◊ If someone tried to attack one of your animals, she’ll cover the animals and take the hit for them.
◊ Though before anyone could get hurt, your tiger had already pounced on the assaulter, tearing off their pants and watching as they ran away from the humiliation.
◊ If you’re busy healing one of the animals and can’t take care of the rest at the moment, Mikan will be your number #2 and she’ll help in any way she can!
◊ She remembers each animal’s feeding time to heart, never forgetting to feed them or give them water.
◊ She cherishes the animals almost as much as she cherishes you.
◊ She adores how kind you are to the animals and her, falling in love with your sweet personality.
◊ Mikan kind of becomes your wife and the animals being your shared children together.
◊ It’s really cute when you see the animals cuddle up to her while she pets them, it just makes you want to get on one knee.
◊ You are indefinitely thankful for her care, you’re sure you love her.
◊ Sooner or later, you two finally get together.
◊ All thanks to your animals actually, they did that classic nudge where you two kissed on accident.
◊ After you two get into a relationship, expect lots of cuddles.
◊ Correction, expect lots of cuddles with the animals.
◊ They regularly interrupt your quiet time with her by climbing in between and around the two of you, creating a safe and warm barrier. 
◊ As you’re always caring for your many animals, you sometimes forget to take care of yourself, so she’d also make sure you were okay too.
◊ Since she was the ultimate nurse, she knew humans better and so she knew when you weren’t taking care of yourself.
◊ She would get concerned for you as you overworked yourself, therefore reminding you to take care of yourself-
◊ Before immediately apologizing for her worries, afraid you thought she was clingy. 
◊ After assuring her you could never think that she was clingy, you promised her you’d take care of yourself, kissing her worried tears away.
◊ You’d do anything for Mikan, and she would do the same.
note; sorry if it’s a bit rushed!! i hope you enjoy anyways though, tysm for reading!
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yanderecandystore · 3 years
Note
Yandere dog man in heat, please.
At first I got really confused, and I came up with three different scenarios of how this could play out:
Medieval Monster Dog Man: Kinda like a werewolf, really feral but maybe he can't transform into a human (making it a different type of monster). In this setting I imagined monsters and humans being kinda against one another.
Modern Anthro Dog Man: Beastars basically, a world where either everyone is an anthro animal (furry lol-), or a world where humans and anthro/monster animals coexist in a modernized setting.
Anime Neko Style: A dog man with more human features than dog-like, leaving his tail and his ears and a couple of mannerisms.
Let me see what I can do for you, boo.
TW/Tags: basic horniness (nsfw stuff: mentions of pillow grinding, vague biting kink, sexual frustration, implied sex after ending, slight mentions of breeding kink, etc) // gender neutral/nonspecific reader // I decided to go with a semi fantasy setting, although vaguely described so you can imagine this universe the way you like // I consider him to be from some kind of monster species-
🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭
Partners through tough and thin [Yandere!DogMan/Monster?? x GN!Reader - Headcanons]:
Let's start with a bit of an off-topic: Did you read my mind boo? Did you know that I was planning on adding a section to the Masterlist dedicated to humanoid/animalistic monsters? I was thinking more about driders/insectoid monsters actually- But I don't really mind this.
Regardless, let's set up the context!
🎇 Let me set the stage for a quick sec!🎇
So, I won't talk for too long this time, just a quick basic talk about your relationship with Flint (don't @ me, I'm terrible at picking names out of the blue-).
You two meet each other pretty much by coincidence, both of you were looking for people to form an adventuring party with- But ultimately finding almost no luck.
To be fair, you weren't really looking for an adventure with strangers, as mostly you just wanted to gain more knowledge by exploring your vast world with someone you would at least want to be near with. You were a couple of ranks above him, yet you found him to be such great company that you two formed some sort of bond over the time you guys spent together.
Expedition after expedition, and it started to feel like you two were more than random colleagues being together just for the sake of finishing a task, it felt like you two were mutual friends that were so accustomed to working together that it felt weird being separated or near strangers.
You were surprised to find someone so easy to rely on, so sweet and kind and extremely gullible. After seeing so many narcissistic jerks who only wanted someone to carry their stuff and do all the hard work while you stood by and watched them take all the glory of completing their quest- It felt like a breeze of fresh air to find Flint looking for someone as well.
Which was weird considering how easily any of them would have taken him to be their personal walking inventory.
You two didn't get along right away, but you guys did warm up to each other as the time passed on. You thought Flint was too childish and Flint thought you were too stern, and even after five years of working with each other, nothing seems to have changed.
Nothing except a better understanding between you two. Even with your differences, it was as if you two were inseparable at this point.
Flint is a lovely guy, you can't tell if it's because of his dog side, but he radiates Good Boy Energy™. He is loyal to you as an adventuring partner, and he is the best friend someone can have, yet you would be lying if you said you knew everything about him.
Flint is not the best at hiding things, especially his own emotions and even he knows about that! Throughout these five years you two spent together, Flint would always try to keep his distance from you in certain times of the year.
At first you didn't understand why did he act so weird and be so distant from you- Until you realized what was happening and you started to feel stupid for not getting it sooner- Fling goes through a heat cycle every six months and that has proven to be quite the interesting change to your routine- Considering you never knew (and still doesn't know-) what to do about it.
Flint always told you it was fine- It was a normal thing to him at this point and you didn't need to worry about it- You just needed to keep a reasonable distance from him and… Close your ears every night through these cycles.
It was fine, you know? I mean- To you it's a bit of an awkward situation as you aren't the same species or him/or don't go through these heat cycles as him- But to him it was absolutely normal. Inconvenient, but normal.
You have no idea what he does to himself to stop it from getting in the way of your partnerships- But one can't help but be curious, especially since he could just stay home if he wasn't feeling alright, he didn't need to continue this journey.
For some reason he always preferred to ignore it and keep going, to focus on his task to be able to give in to the carnal instincts brewing inside him. That was before he met you, however.
He always had dealt with his heat by occupying his mind, and it worked for the most part- But why does it feel so strong now? Why does it feel so unbearable?
It's been a couple of days that he can't find peace anymore, even if he tries to ease his pain each night, it nevers seems to get better. Whatever medication/potion or spell he could use to stop it, it wasn't working anymore, he somehow felt just as if not more sensitive than he was before he took those.
It wasn't just his body that was struggling to find some rest, his mind was also being haunted by mockeries of his own fantasies- To be fair, he hasn't been in peace with himself for a long time now, probably longer than he thinks, but you know how it is- You don't know you have fallen in love with someone until it's too late, and he has just recently discovered the seed of affection towards you growing into something more and more.
He had a crush on you, he doesn't know for how long yet it feels like it has been an eternity- It doesn't really help that you two spend more time with each other than with other adventurers and explorers, and it doesn't help that while you're sleeping in your tent, approximately 15 meters away from his own, as his mind is filled with worse and worse thoughts about you-
It's way too late at night for him to be feeling so needy- He's been trying to relieve himself for maybe 3 hours already, yet he still hasn't been able to calm down his mind and body. He has been carefully listening to each sound that came from outside, more specifically from inside your tent. Every snore, every breath, every whine you give in your sleep is making him mad with feelings he shouldn't have let it grow to this extent. He was supposed to be listening carefully to make sure you're safe, but instead he is having lewd ideas about your sleeping noises.
The feelings and thoughts that are suddenly coming to his mind are nothing short of disgusting to him, he knows he shouldn't be thinking I'll of an friend he loves so much, he shouldn't be craving someone to this degrading extent- Yet he can't stop biting his pillow and imagining it to be you, constantly breathing out your name while crying pathetically as he continues to indulge in this act while his mind is in a half sleep state.
So sleepy in fact that he hasn't heard you coming inside his tent- He wasn't even sure if your soft caressing was real or just a figment of his own twisted mind. He feels so grossed out by his own mind, he would rather believe this is all a dream then to realize he was being so loud you decided to come inside and see if he was okay-
Please, he is already the worst being alive just for fantasizing about you- Don't tell him he woke you up with his whining, it makes him feel more pathetic.
It's such a bittersweet situation, you came here genuinely deciding to help him out however you could- Not because of pity, but for something more than just wanting to help him ease his urges- But even if he is earning for this with all his heart, he feels too bad about himself to stop crying and apologizing for what he was about to do. You two seemed to have your hearts in the same direction, but can he control his instinct to take you for himself and breed you?
It doesn't really matter if he can or not breed you, his mind is already lost to countless nights without sleeping and constant thoughts about loving you and making love with you- Whatever sense of logic has been thrown out of the window.
However, maybe he isn't completely lost! Maybe he'll try his best to be more romantic about this, as it wasn't really how he expected it to happen. Even if he is currently acting like a lovesick lust beast, you don't need to worry because the good boy as your partner is commonly known for will be back in the morning, just a bit more clingy and overly protective of you.
🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭
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nafeary · 3 years
Text
Napoleon, Theo, Dazai, and Jean reacting to College Student!MC Stressed by Deadlines
Requested by @hqissodelicate:
hey toni boo, sara/delicateikemenmemes here ❤ i've been Going Through It with school 😔 so i was thinking of how my boos napoleon, theo, dazai & jean would react to MC who's a (stressed, exhausted) student who got yeeted to the mansion in the midst of a bunch of deadlines? thank you boo & i hope you're drinking your water 💙😤
✧✎ A/N: I’m sorry it took me this long to finish... but this was super fun to write and it helped me get back into writing after such a long break due to school bs. I’m not too satisfied with Dazai’a and the haphazard scenario/headcanons mush, but I still quite like this I think. Thank you for the request dear! Take care and drink water, everyone!
Warnings: Stress and mild mentions of anxiety, and like one mention of sexual intercourse
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Napoleon Bonaparte
“You’re just a chore, after all.”
You whirled around. “Don’t act like your job is going to be that hard,” you could only scoff in annoyance, “I’m going to be inside my room all day, anyway.”
At first, Napoleon was slightly confused by your statement. Wouldn’t you want to explore this new world at all? But according to code, he’d just smirk and go (sleep) do smth
And true to your statement, you did stay inside your room for the most part
It’s not like your quadrillion essays would write themselves
It’s not like your college would just excuse your tardiness
It’s not like—
“Nunuche, you sure you don’t need a break from... whatever you’re doing?”
Napoleon was quite suddenly standing besides you, trying to read the mess that you’ve created.
“And who gave you permission to enter?”
“Me, obviously. I did have the impression that you were in danger, judging from the amount of curses I perceived.”
You could have died from embarrassment. Of course he had to hear your yells of frustration, stemming from the fact that your laptop was out of order, that you had no idea how to use ink properly, and—
“Have you realised that you regularly zone out?”
“I suppose? But if you wouldn’t mind, I really need to finish...” you trailed off, gesturing to the papers in front of you.
However, at his inquisitive gaze, you decided to explain that these were essays that could very well decide how you’d pass university, and, upon further inquiry, elaborated how a modern student’s life looked like
He never interrupted you unnecessarily, only to ask questions when a concept was too modern for him to comprehend
Your cursed assignments certainly made your life in the past harder to enjoy, but it also brought you and the emperor closer than ever
Unable to access the internet—or visit the college library—you had no proper sources for you references (considering that Comte’s library had no modern content, naturally)
You also didn’t want to bother Sebastian, especially since him and Comte had shown so much understanding for your peril that they practically forbid you from helping him out around the mansion
Their reasoning didn’t make you feel less bad though
Hence, you only had one option left that could complete your last essay
Which oh-so conveniently encompasses the Napoleonic Wars, something you truly did not want to burden him with
“Napoleon? Remember those essays that I have to finish for my university courses?”
“Of course.”
You were twiddling your thumbs, contemplating whether your grades are worth revisiting unpleasant memories, aka the taboo of the mansion
Abruptly, he grabbed your cheeks with just enough force to turn you away from looking at your feet, but not enough to inflict pain. “If there is anything I can help you with, I’d never shy away from it.”
Begrudgingly, you inquired him about his reign with as little focus on the gruesome details as possible your professor be damned
And holy shit, he’s amazing at writing? And Not just cringey love letters? Panty Sniffer Napoleon brrrrr
As you grew closer, he’s spoil you with vitamin-rich snacks (going as far as asking Arthur and Sebastian for medical advice)
He enjoys carving cute shapes out of fruits and eggs because he knows that their and his adorable presence will prompt the perfect amount of distraction to allow a small moment of rest
Says that it’s his duty as your guard and boyfriend to take care of your overworking habits
Expect frequent complaints from your beau, ranging from “how could they assign so many essays? Aren’t students just humans, too?” to “‘Reasons Why Edison Is Better Than Newton’? Do they even know what they’re talking about? Tch!”
Theodorus Van Gogh
You gleefully indulged in his charades for the first few days. They were a welcome distraction from your college work, after all
But the procrastination was accompanied by guilt, your anxiety building up every second you spent helping Sebastian with the chores, and gallivanting around town with Theo
A week passed before your sense of responsibility finally kicked in. So when Sebas came to wake you up just as the sun peaked past the horizon, you were already scribbling away on some sheets you’d found in your drawers
“Ah, good morning, Sebastian-san.”
“Good morning... what are you writing, if I may ask?”
“Just some essays for my college courses...” you said, glancing dejectedly at your notes.
Now that you didn’t have access to the internet, and your laptop’s battery was all used up, it made your work all the more tedious, but you had to set your teeth and do this.
“Give me 10 minutes, and I’ll join you in the kitchen.”
He had wanted to argue, but you didn’t let him. And when he saw you leaving the house with Theo later in the afternoon, he could only shake his head.
You felt like you owed the art dealer, especially since you blurted out his secret the literal next moment, so you committed to helping him while also keeping up with your work
Although, him calling you dog wasn’t nice either—even though, according to Sebas’ explanation, Hondje wasn’t exactly the equivalent to mutt
That cycle continued for days. Helping out around the mansion, getting pulled around by Theo, and writing your essays deep into the night
Not to mention all the worries that pressured your shoulders further and further into the ground
You were missing so many group project deadlines, disappointing people that relied on you... it was safe to say that sleep did not come easy, if barely
Just before you arrived at your room after a late night art exhibit did your body decide to fail you, tripping over nothing multiple times.
It prompted Theo to call you out before you could even think of rushing past the door, steadying you with a hand more gentle than you had ever experienced it to be.
“Sebas informed me that you’ve been working yourself to death.”
You silently cursed the butler. “I haven’t—“
“Give me your laptop.”
Perplexion ran across your mien, wondering how he could possibly have remembered such a modern detail from your countless rambles. “It’s batt— it doesn’t work right now, so it’s not like it would stop me from working.”
Arguing with the devil was a mistake.
He snaked his arms around you, holding the door handle in place with one hand while the other still kept you upright. “I don’t care whether you work or not, I’m not your mother. And regardless of its abilities, hand it over, knabbletje.”
What other choice did you have but to comply?
He ordered—yes, ordered—you to go to bed right that instant
If you hesistanly ask him to do the same (we all know what a hard worker he is), he’ll just press a guileless kiss to your forehand, telling you not to worry about him
The next morning, you were already worrying for your baby’s safety within the sadist’s hands when the devil invited himself into your room
“Ever heard of knocking?”
“Morning to you, too, Hondje.” He sent you an overly handsome smirk, handing you the laptop tucked underneath his arms. “You won’t be able to use that spider web Sebas told me about, but writing should work.”
You stared at Theo in disbelief, all the while internally laughing at him misinterpreting the World Wide Web. Deciding to trust in him, you clicked the power button. And sure enough, it sprang to life. “What... how in the world did you...”
Leo overheard you and Sebas talking about solar energy sometime… hush, just run with it
He fell into the seat next to you, propping his chin upon his fist. “I didn’t do anything. Just asked Sebas whether there was a way for you to use this. Leonardo took notice and tinkered around with it. Don’t ask—ah!”
You threw your arms around his shoulders, pressing your face into the crook of his neck. “Thank you for taking care of me, Theo.”
Would you have lifted your face, then you’d have caught a glimpse of the vermillion shading his cheeks. “I didn’t do it to help you. I simply can’t risk having you become a liability at work. That’s all.”
Anyway, tsundere tendencies aside, you know what another big factor of dating Theo is?
King if you’re not allergic, understandably, if so, he’ll change his clothes before even thinking of visiting you
On days that you decide to be especially stubborn, he pulls you outside, all the whilst whistling for the jolly golden retriever
And as soon as he comes running, your mind goes brrrrr cute dog
Although, he’ll try his best not to distract you from work. He knows from personal experience that it’s a much bigger annoyance than help
Thus, he’ll certainly use his connections and amiable rip Shakes relationships with the residents to help you out with the research process
Also, with his superior memory, he knows what generally makes you happy and relaxed, so he’ll be his usual observant self to decipher just what would help you perfectly relax/finish your work
Hardworking boi, please love him
Dazai Osamu
Dazai is the type of person that doesn’t mind upsetting people and risking someone’s disdain if it supports that person in the long run
And he’s able to read people like books, so it shouldn’t be surprising that he knows you’re overwhelmed before you even realize it
You’ve been going to sleep too late and waking up too early? He’ll gently force you (if you’re 100% against it, he won’t do it ofc) to sleep beside him, making sure that you won’t rise with the sun for once
You’ve been exposing your wrist to heavy sprain? He’ll teach you some handy-dandy 5 Min Crafts techniques that are guaranteed to send your hands on a vacation
You've been suffering from writer’s block? Time to go on a lovely stroll through nature with your boo
Your shoulders and neck are hurting beyond sanity? He swears by hot springs, so the thermae is his go-to for when you need to relive some muscle kinks
He never fails to procure the perfect amount of bubbles and temperature. And depending on how comfortable you are with it, he’ll offer to wash your hair.
And since dude got Disney princess hands, you most probably fall asleep, but our man is there to hold you above the water
His bare thighs are an added bonus, sending your mind into spirals faaaar away from college work
After you’re done bathing, he’ll ask you whether you’d like him to braid your hair (if it’s long enough), and his Disney princess hands will not disappoint
In the beginning, it was incredibly vexing to have a security cam in the form of a handsome man always on the qui vive
But at some point, you started embracing Dazai’s overwhelmingly passive—you knew exactly what he was doing whenever he’d do something random—protectiveness
Especially since it didn’t only help you complete your work; on the contrary, you were always excited to spend time with the Japanese writer
But that didn’t curb your confusion at the whole debacle. Why was he this focused on your well-being?
So, you decided to confront him
“Dazai?” Once again, you were relaxing in his arms, his fingers threading through your hair lulling you into a dreamlike state.
He ticked his head to the side, pulling your entwined hands closer towards his heart. The sun streamed into the run at just the right angle, yet the golden light was not as bright as his vivid citrine orbs.
You sighed, unable to look at his stupid handsome face for too long. ”Why is it that you insist on taking care of me?”
“Someone has to, Toshiko-san.”
You’d have blurted out your feelings if it wasn’t for the sudden embrace you found yourself in. As guileless as it appeared, you knew he was trying to stop you from acting on your thoughts.
Deciding that you didn’t want to pressure him further (after all, you knew that he had a hellish first life), you accepted the unclarity of his feelings—even though his actions spoke loud enough for you to understand.
It was that day that you decided to repay him for all he’s done for you
And you wouldn’t let him yeet himself through a window in an attempt to evade the love sent his way this time
Even if it took decades, you wanted him to feel just as safe and loved as you did in his company
You were glad to have such a caring man by your side who helps you with managing you self care
You could only hope that he’d allow himself to be treated the same way
Please just take our love, boo. We love you
Jean d’Arc
Well fuck, how could he possibly help someone who’s stressed when he himself is a 24/7 McDonalds that only sells Chicken McStress?
Anywho, I feel like he’d be the complete opposite of Dazai when confronted with a stressed MC
He’d care just as much, of course, but he thinks that it would be better to give her space, since he himself understands the desire for solitude well
So yeah, I can see him not going out of his way to check up on you if you weren’t super duper close friends/lovers IF it wasn’t for his friend Napoleon
After all, it was him who gave your boyfriend a lil talk, convincing him that, perhaps even if someone needs space, they probably still need someone to look after them
Living with Jean is basically Ted Talks everyday
Anyway, he embarked on his journey to hopefully help you and and to relieve some stress that was wearing you down (according to the statement of several residents)
And, finding himself halting abruptly, our pessimistic little bean realised that he’s got zero idea what did help you attain bliss
So he opted for the next best option—things he knew that made his friends relax
Plan A
Hearing a few oddly reluctant raps on your door, you went to open it. As soon as you did, the beautiful man who’d captured your heart entered your vision, your eyes finding his amethyst ones immediately.
You two stayed like that for a moments, only breaking eye contact when he sighed and simultaneously thrusted a mug into your hand, already in the process striding back to his own room.
“Uhm… Jean? I’m a bit busy right now, but would you like to come in?”
His eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t you find it inappropriate for a man to enter your room, mademoiselle?”
“Jean,” you giggled at his archaic mindset, gently rubbing your thumb between his brows to even out the crease. “We’ve had sex before, you know. Of course you ca—“
Wrong thing to say. He stormed past you, vermillion cheeks practically leaving a trail.
Chuckling to yourself, you turned to the mug’s contents. “Hm? Hot chocolate?”
Plan B:
“If this doesn’t harbor your discomfort…” Your boyfriend reluctantly stood in your room’s corner, standing straighter than a rod.
Frankly, your essays have kept you entirely too busy, and you longed for the warmth of the French man’s feather-like embrace.
“On the contrary, I enjoy your presence.” And you went right back to scribbling away.
Jean frowned. “Haven’t you been writing stories since this morning?”
“They’re not stories… and, yeah? I believe so.”
Stepping towards your seated form, he extended his hand; you grabbed it without thinking twice. “Is everything alrig—whoa!”
With the ease of a seasoned soldier, he picked you up before haphazardly tugging you into bed with bewilderment maring your features. “You should sleep.”
“—what?”
He stared at you blankly, as if expecting you to fall into the land of dreams right that instant.
“Did something prompt,” you slipped your arms out from underneath the duvets, gesturing wildly, “this?”
It was hard to be upset with Jean, his clueless but genuine persona the reason why you fell for him, yet you couldn’t disguise the irritation coursing through your veins—you had work to return to, after all.
“I think you need to rest, mademoiselle.”
Your blinking made him avert his eyes, explaining quietly, “I am uncertain what supports your release of tension, so I thought that perhaps sleeping could help since it certainly does show affect with Napoleon.”
“Ah, and you made me hot chocolate since that’s what calms Mozart.”
After internally simping for his soft and wholesome dumbass energy, you pulled him to bed beside you, claiming that it would help you relax (but only after telling him that it was okay for him to ask for your preferences)
And falling asleep to the heartbeat underneath his broad chest is definitely a 5-star-resort vacation
He’d eventually ask his relationship advisor Napoleon whether it is okay to have you help them out with his reading/writing lessons (you
You, alongside Napoleon, steadily agreed, despite knowing that it was a ploy to keep you away from overworking
Please also love this boy, thanks
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Tag List of the most wonderful sweethearts (just message me if you’d like to be added <3): @juminly @kisara-16 @sweetlittlemouse @thesirenwashere @nad-zeta @delicateikemenmemes
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iliveiloveiwrite · 4 years
Text
Paging Healer Malfoy // Chapter Four - Aftermath and Acceptance (D.M.)
A/N: CHAPTER FOUR! I struggled writing this, that’s why it’s so late and so short, I’m really sorry!! However, I do hope you enjoy!
Summary: Draco has something important to ask (Y/N), but will he work up the nerve to ask her?
Warnings: talk of grief and loss, mutual pining, swearing, mentions of food but no descriptive eating scenes, mentions of injuries, brief description of injuries, injured child BUT THERE IS FLUFF.
Word count: 3.7k
Prologue // Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three 
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Draco wakes to the smell of coffee and toast. He finds himself laid, curled up on his couch with a blanket covering him. He blinks once, twice – his eyes are crusty from the tears shed last night.
With a loaded sigh, Draco sits up, rubbing his face and wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. He finds (Y/N) in the kitchen; her back to him as she butters the toast and makes two mugs of instant coffee.
Silently, she pushes Draco’s coffee towards him before taking a sip of her own. She watches him as he drinks; her keen eyes focused over the rim of her mug as she waits for him to break down again.
“I’m okay,” He whispers hoarsely.
Her eyes narrow; she doesn’t believe him, and he thinks that she’s probably right to not believe him. He shifts his gaze from her to the mug in his hands; staring down at the bitter liquid he relies so heavily on, “Really. I’m not going to break down again.”
(Y/N)’s mug clinks delicately as she places it back down on the counter, “Are you sure?”
Draco nods, “I’m sure.”
She sighs through her nose, “I’ve never seen you like that, Draco.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head, “Don’t be sorry, I’m just concerned.”
“It won’t happen again; yesterday took me by surprise.”
“I believe you.”
Draco meets her gaze; his blue eyes bright, “Thank you for staying.”
(Y/N) smiles, “You know I’m here for you.”
“I know,” Draco whispers; smiling smally at her.
Cold toast and lukewarm coffee is breakfast for them both; tired eyes crinkling in the corners as shy smiles are shared. Last night changed something between them, and they’re both aware of it. However, neither truly know how to approach it.
Draco finishes his piece of toast before asking, “Where did you sleep last night?”
(Y/N)’s face heats; something Draco hasn’t seen for a while; it took a lot to elicit such a reaction from her. She finishes chewing before replying, “You fell asleep on me. I ended up sleeping underneath you.”
Draco blushes from his neck to his hairline; he opens his mouth to apologise, but (Y/N) beats him to it, “Don’t apologise; I didn’t mind – you make quite the lovely blanket.”
Draco ducks his head; pleased to know that she didn’t mind sleeping with him.
(Y/N)’s eyes glance towards the clock, “Are you on today?”
Draco nods. (Y/N)’s eyes narrow once again, “Are you sure that’s wise?”
He sighs, “What happened last night won’t happen again. I need to work, (Y/N). Life doesn’t just stop.”
She frowns, “You’ll come get me though; if you need someone?”
Draco nods, “I promise.”
(Y/N) smiles, picking up her almost empty coffee cup, “We better head off soon.”
He sighs; he had hoped for more time with her, “Give me ten minutes to get dressed and we can go.”
---------
The break room is empty when they arrive at work meaning that they can pull on their lab coats and share a few minutes of silence before entering the fray, getting safely distracted for the rest of the day.
“Remember your promise,” (Y/N) reminds him, squeezing his hand.
He squeezes back, “I will. Are we meeting for lunch?”
She raises an eyebrow, “Are you buying?”
“I think I can manage that.”
She laughs; letting his hand drop. Draco feels suddenly cold. Her eyes shine with mischief as she answers, “I’ll come find you when I’m free.”
“I look forward to it.”
Draco gives himself a moment after (Y/N) leaves the break; he lets himself have a quiet moment to himself where he takes a few deep breaths and listens to the tinny sound of the now ancient television set in the corner of the room. Closing his eyes, Draco lets the monotonous tone of the muggle news anchor wash over him, calming his mind and his heart.
Readying himself for the pitying looks and the busy emergency room, Draco heads to the admit desk.
Vera greets Draco with a raised eyebrow and a question falling from her tongue, “Was that you and (Y/N) I saw walking in together?”
Draco rolls his eyes, “Yes, just like most shifts we share together.”
“You looked particularly cosy… and I couldn’t help but notice she was in the same clothes as yesterday.”
Draco meets Vera’s eyes, “She stayed over last night. I wasn’t in any place to be alone after what happened.”
Vera’s eyes fill with sympathy and sadness; she wraps Draco in a hug that has him fighting back tears for the pure fact that it reminds him of his mother’s hugs. Vera pats his back twice then letting him go; she wipes her eyes quickly before grabbing a chart from the side, “35 year old female; fainted in Diagon Alley.”
Draco takes the chart from her gratefully, “Let’s get started then, shall we?”
--------
He manages to keep himself distracted; he doesn’t overload on patients like he did yesterday, but he takes on a fair few that he knows he can handle with all the experience under his belt.
It keeps his body busy and his mind occupied; he cannot focus on grief if he is trying to figure out the cause of an otherwise healthy female’s loss of consciousness whilst out shopping with her mother-in-law. Draco has his suspicions that it’s down to the overbearing nature of said mother-in-law but at the pleading look in his patient’s eyes, he keeps her in for further observation – if only to give her a break.
He flits about from patient to patient; ordering tests and then handing out prescriptions. It’s days like this, when the load is heavy but manageable, that Draco is reminded of why he became a Healer in the first place. He loves to help people; it’s at the very centre of his being, but for so long, it was hidden by his teenaged cockiness and the insurmountable pressure from his family.
It’s days like these when Draco is reminded if the fact that he is a good Healer; that he is talented at what does and that is because of the Healers that trained him, but also of the staff he works with. Draco knows that he could only get so far without the help and support of those he works with, and it’s on days like this when he is forever grateful for the nurses that kick him up the arse when needs must.
-------
James Shannon approaches Draco as he sits at the admit desk, making the last few chart notes on patients discharged yesterday – something he chose to neglect due to his sour mood. James interrupts Draco’s reading with a cough, “Healer Malfoy?”
“James,” Draco greets, turning to face the trainee, “How can I help?”
James looks almost anxious as he asks, “What happened yesterday… with Violet, does it happen often?”
Draco sighs; expecting the question from at least one of the trainees, “No, it doesn’t happen often.”
James continues to watch him; hoping for a longer explanation. Draco huffs, “Through your career as a Healer, you are going to meet patients who come into the emergency room frequently. Take for example Mrs. Larkin who I’m sure you’ve met already,” At James’ nod, he carries on, “Mrs. Larkin very rarely needs medical treatment, James; she’s a lonely widow who needs company that she doesn’t get from the rest of her family. So we let her sit in an exam room; check her over and yes, over her multiple visits, a friendship develops.”
“Is that what happened with Violet?”
Draco frowns, “I was Violet’s primary physician and the one who diagnosed her kidney failure. When her fiancée was at work, I would sit with her through her dialysis for as long as I could. It was more a friendship of convenience, but a friendship nonetheless”
James nods, “I know that you’re my boss and I’m only a trainee, but I want to tell you this if I may?”
Draco raises an eyebrow; he can’t help but be sceptical as he murmurs, “Okay.”
James sighs, “It wasn’t your fault… what happened to her. Violet’s death wasn’t your fault and I know you feel guilty about it but there was nothing you could do, and I know Healer Thomas would have tried his hardest to bring her back. And I know what it feels like to feel guilt for someone else’s death – I lost my older sister when I was six.”
Guilt pools in Draco’s stomach for a second; it seems that he misjudged James due to the attention he gathered from (Y/N), but also of his status within the wizarding world. Draco berates himself internally; he should have known better; he knows full well what it’s like to be judged before your character is truly known by those around you. Draco looks over the young trainee and it becomes clear to Draco as to why James chose Healing as a profession; he would never be able to save his own sister, but maybe – just maybe, James might be able to save someone else’s.
Draco eventually nods; he stands, patting James on his shoulder, “Thank you, James. I think I needed to hear that.”
A small smile breaks across James’ face; he nods twice, happy to have helped his superior in anyway. He turns away, but pauses at the sound of Draco’s voice, “James?” James turns to face his boss who’s smiling at him, “I think you’re going to be a fine Healer.”
------
“Draco!” (Y/N) shouts; lab coat flying out behind her as she runs to his side.
Hastily, he turns to her. “What? What’s happened?” He asks, his voice laced with worry and concern; mind running through all possible scenarios for the reason as to why she’s shouting his name and running.
She pants slightly, sidling up next to him, “I heard it was paediatric.”
Draco nods; casting his gaze back out across the bay, counting down in his head for when the emergency transport should arrive. “What did they say?” (Y/N) asks; her focus sharpening.
“Six year old girl; bitten by a werewolf.”
(Y/N) lurches back in shock, gloves halfway on her hands, “What?”
Draco nods; confirming, “We get at least one around the full moon, you know that.”
Her eyebrows furrow, “Did they say how bad?”
Draco shakes his head, “They couldn’t tell us a lot other than it was bleeding a lot.”
(Y/N) sighs, “We need to keep this quiet, Draco. They’re lobbying a new decree in the ministry this week about lycanthropy.”
Draco doesn’t remove his gaze from the emergency bay; veins already thrumming with adrenaline, “Let’s treat the patient first. We’ll worry about politics later.”
-------
Six year old Ailsa is quiet as she is wheeled into the emergency room. Her eyes are wide as they take in the new environment, and she answers questions with the tiniest of sobs. Her mother follows behind; tears streaming down her face as she recites Ailsa’s allergies and any worries she has.
Ailsa flinches as the wound is cleaned. Draco realises upon examination that the bite isn’t too deep meaning that the chance of transmission has significantly lowered since Ailsa first arrived at St. Mungo’s.
(Y/N) arrives at Draco’s side immediately; the bottle of wolfsbane potion already uncorked and ready to be given to the patient. With a sorrowful smile, Draco says, “Ailsa, I’m going to need you to drink this. Now, it isn’t going to taste very nice, but, I happen to know that if you drink all of this, you can have some of the chocolate milk hidden away in the staff room.”
Ailsa’s nose crinkles. “Do I have to drink all of it?” She asks in a small voice; watching the vapour rise from the potion.
Draco chuckles, holding the potion out for her to drink, “If you want the chocolate milk, I’m afraid you have to.”
Fierce determination settles on Ailsa’s face as she takes the potion from Draco; she would get the promised chocolate milk and enjoy every drop. At her mother’s encouraging smile, Ailsa drinks down the potion, frowning heavily at the taste.
She holds up the empty bottle with a victorious grin, “Finished.”
Draco laughs, “Looks like we owe you chocolate milk, Ailsa.”
Ailsa nods happily; handing the empty bottle back to Draco. He takes a step back, “Good job, Ailsa. I’m going to go make a phone call and I’ll be right back with your chocolate milk. How does that sound?”
She nods once again; distracted by her mother wrapping her up in a hug. Draco smiles at the scene before leaving. (Y/N) follows him, waiting until they’re of earshot of the family before saying, “She’s going to be okay, isn’t she? We both saw the bite.”
Draco shrugs, “Truthfully, I don’t know,” He looks towards trauma one, “I really don’t know.”
(Y/N) sighs, “Well I hope so.”
Leaving (Y/N) to manage her own patients, Draco goes in search for a phone and Ailsa’s chocolate milk; happy to find the one in the break room free.
He rifles around in his wallet for the card handed to him by Harry not so long back; an idea forming in his mind. Balancing the phone between his shoulder and ear, Draco punches in the number, relieved to hear the dial tone. It rings four times before a weary voice answers, “Hello?”
“Hello. Is that Professor Lupin?” Draco asks; mind flickering back to his father’s treatment of the werewolf.
A slow chuckle answers, “I haven’t been a professor in over ten years. Who is this?”
“Draco Malfoy, sir.”
The line falls silent; Draco thinks that he’s hung up which is understandable really. Draco had been surprised when Harry, Ron and Hermione had forgiven him; he wouldn’t be surprised however, if Remus Lupin drops the line.
Minutes pass before Remus speaks up, “Draco Malfoy? I never thought I would hear from you. How did you get my number?”
Draco chuckles; half embarrassed, “Harry gave it to me, sir.”
“You don’t need to call me ‘sir’, Draco. Remus will do just fine.”
“Thank you, Remus. I was calling for your help with a patient.”
“A patient?” Remus asks; shock lacing his voice.
“Yes, I’m an attending in the emergency room at St. Mungo’s now,” Draco answers; unable to help the strong tone of pride in his voice – he would always be proud of his job and all that he has achieved so far through it.
Draco hears the surprised intake of breath by Remus, “That isn’t something I expected to hear.”
Draco shakes his head though Remus can’t see him, “I surprise everyone when they hear about my career choice.”
“Nevertheless,” Remus’ gravelly voice says over the line, “It’s an incredibly noble profession, Draco, and one I can only assume you excel at.”
“Thank you, Remus,” Draco says quietly; overcome by the kindness shown by one he treated so poorly.
“Now, you rang me for a reason. How can I help?”
Draco startles; remembering as to why he was on the phone to his old professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts, “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind speaking to a patient and her family. Harry gave me your card not long back and said that you offered advice to families who found themselves struggling with lycanthropy.”
Draco hears another surprised intake of breath, “What happened?”
“A six year old girl was bitten; her mother is worried that she’ll turn.”
“When was she bitten?” Remus asks urgently; voice serious.
Draco checks his chart, “Her mother says this morning; the werewolf broke in and got spooked by her daughter waking up to use the bathroom.”
Remus makes a sad noise on the end of the phone, “So similar to my own attack.”
Sadness washes over Draco; he had known the story of Remus’ bite – there were few in his parent’s social circle who didn’t know considering they all knew the werewolf who had turned him. Remus brings Draco back to the present, “The full moon waned last night; we were at our weakest last night so the bite should amount to nothing.”
Draco grips the receiver tighter in his hands; hope beginning to flicker in his chest, “And you’re sure of that?”
Remus sighs, “I’m not 100%, but we are always most vulnerable as the moon wanes and the bite so rarely takes when we’re weak.”
“What would recommend? I’ve already administered wolfsbane potion which the poor girl didn’t appreciate. I had to promise her chocolate milk to get through it.”
Remus chuckles, “No, I can’t imagine she did. You’ve covered yourselves with the wolfsbane potion; that’s good thinking, Draco. Other than that, it’s a waiting game.”
Draco sighs into the phone, “You’re certain she won’t turn this full moon if the bite has been successful?”
“She won’t turn now. The moon has left its apex; I can feel its strength leaving me as we speak.”
Draco huffs out a breath of relief; he won’t have a child werewolf running around his emergency room then. He has to ask, “What about next month?”
“That’s what we have to wait for.”
Draco nods then remembers that Remus can’t see him, “So I just need to tell the mother that it’s now a waiting game.”
“That’s right. However, if you have a spare wolfsbane potion, give it to the mother. That way, should her child turn, the potion will make her docile and less dangerous.”
Draco makes a note to do so on the girl’s chart. He holds the receiver close to his ear, “Remus, would you mind if I passed on your details to the mother? That way she can ring for advice should anything happen with the next moon.”
Draco can hear the sad smile in Remus’ voice, “Of course you can, Draco. Pass on my well wishes to the family, please.”
“Thank you, Remus. You’ve been a massive help.”
Remus’ voice is gentle as he says, “Anything I can do, Draco.”
Draco hangs up on his ex-professor; feeling hatred towards his younger self for being so naïve to believe his family’s prejudices towards those markedly different to them. Shame washes over him as he thinks of the things he had said about the well-mannered man, knowing he was within hearing distance. Grabbing a bottle of chocolate milk from the fridge, he makes a mental note to send a letter of apology with Harry the next time he was to visit his godson.
With the information from Remus, Draco asks Vera to grab another wolfsbane potion from the potion lock up. As she does that, Draco writes up the prescription and advice for Ailsa’s mother.
Wolfsbane potion in one hand and chocolate milk in the other, Draco returns to trauma one where Ailsa and her mother sit, chatting quietly. From looking at her, you wouldn’t have though that Ailsa had been bitten by anything larger than a small dog. Her attitude towards it had been entirely blasé and Draco couldn’t decide whether it was shock or simply Ailsa’s resilience making an appearance.
Draco smiles reassuring at Ailsa’s mother who stands when she notices Draco entering the room. He hands the chocolate milk to the child; her face lighting up at a promise fulfilled.
“I’m fairly confident that she will not turn into a werewolf. After examination, the wound was quite shallow. The issue is, we cannot be fully certain, so whilst Ailsa may not turn with this full moon – she could with the next. So, here is a wolfsbane potion to be given to her at the start of the week of the full moon. If Ailsa turns, the potion will keep her docile and make her less dangerous. However, I’d also like to give you the contact details of someone who can help should you have any worries.”
Ailsa’s mothers eyes shine with fresh tears as she whispers, “That would be so helpful. Thank you, Healer Malfoy.”
Draco nods; rifling for the small rectangular card in his pocket. “His name is Remus Lupin; he used to teach at Hogwarts, but now helps those come through the moon with as little damage as possible. This is his card, I’ve already rung ahead, he’s expecting your call should you have any worries. He also passes on his well wishes.”
Ailsa’s mother lets her tears fall as she takes the card from Draco. She reads over the fine print for a second before tucking it in her pocket, “And he’s good, you say?”
“He’s the best.”
--------
It takes Draco twelve hours to work up the nerve to ask (Y/N) to dinner. He thought about asking her at his flat, but tensions were high, and should she say no, it would make for an awkward commute to work. He felt there were opportunities all through their shared shift; as he poured their first coffees, at lunch when she kept stealing chips from his plate, as she consulted on a patient for him. He had countless opportunities, but he doesn’t grab at them; he just waits.
At the end of every shift they share, they always head home together, living on the same tube line. Their fingers brush every now and then; sending jolts of electricity through Draco’s veins. It takes every inch of his restraint not to pull her into a kiss as they walk to the tube station; everything about her drives him mad. She’s just finished working a twelve hour shift and yet, she’s as beautiful as she was this morning, sliding him a coffee over his breakfast counter.
Draco realises that he wants to wake to her making coffee for the rest of his life if she’ll have him.
The tube station looms in front of them. It’s now or never, Draco thinks to himself as he looks up to the timetable where it announces its three minutes until the next train.
“Do you want to grab dinner some time?” He asks suddenly, swivelling on the spot to face her, “With me, alone, outside of the hospital,” He adds on for awkward clarification.
“Don’t ask me to dinner because of your grief, Malfoy,” She warns; voice filling with emotion.
Draco shakes his head; a small smile gracing his lips, “It isn’t that. I’m asking you to dinner because I want to date you.”
(Y/N)’s eyebrows raise in surprise, “Oh.”
“So… not out of grief, not out of thanks – out of the fact that I like you, a lot, would you like to get dinner with me?”
(Y/N) beams at him; the sight of him leaving him breathless, “Yes, I would like to get dinner with you.”
*******
Paging Healer Malfoy taglist: @sycathorn-slush @obsessedwithrandomthings @kpopgirlbtssvt @kalimagik @brycelahelalover @fallinallinmendes @mischi3f-manag3d @remmysrecs @willowbleedsonpaper @nao-cchi @haphazardhufflepuff @soundsquid27 @mytreec @maydillydally @chaoticgirl04 @pregnant-piggy @rhyxn @acciotwinz @birdie-writes @reaganwonders @chanelwonders @izzytheninja @ravenclawbitch426 @ohissandhalasta @missmulti @nebulablakemurphy @pointlesscoconut @cherrylita @harpersmariano @slytherinlovesgryffindor @falconfeather23435 @namoreno 
Draco Malfoy taglist: @the--queen-of-hell @obxmxybxnk @obx-beach @sycathorn-slush @dracomalfoyswifey @kashishwrites @justmesadgirl @detroitobsessed @reaganwonders @sophia-gwendolyn @ravenclawbitch426​
**if your username is in bold, I was unable to tag you.
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hetalia-reacts · 3 years
Note
Hi, i hope your day/evening is going well! I was wondering if i could request France,England,America,Germany, and Prussia with a sick s/o, please and thank you?
Sure thing :))
France
Francis is so concerned for you
Most likely to take off work so he can take care of you
Yes, even if it’s just a small cold
He just doesn’t feel comfortable leaving you all alone while you don’t feel good
Francis is going to pamper you while you’re sick, no if’s, and’s, or but’s
He’s cooking for you, cleaning, giving you your medication
Will help you do anything and everything
If you get worse, or your sickness was bad to start with he’s going to suggest taking you to the hospital
Even if you don’t like it he’ll strongly suggest it
If you don’t want to go that’s fine, but if your temperature gets any worse he’s taking you whether you like it or not
Apologizes the whole time you’re sick, whether it’s because he’s making you do something you don’t want to or just because he feels bad for you he’s going to constantly say he’s sorry and coddle you
He’ll admit these are some of his favorite times though, especially if you aren’t one to rely on others
Francis just likes that you can and do depend on him in these moments, but he still wants you back to your old self ASAP
England
Arthur feels bad for you
He gets sick pretty regularly as well so he knows how much getting ill sucks
Will definitely take care of you
He’s going to take off work or at least go in late if you insist that he goes
Feels bad leaving you home alone, especially if you were too sick to get up by yourself
Arthur wants to pamper you while you’re sick, but he’s kind of crap at it
Like he’ll cook for you but it doesn’t turn out good and he can’t even bring himself to bring it in for you to see
Will get you some nice take out food from a good restaurant though
Stays by your side essentially the entire time
Reads to you if want a distraction or something to fall asleep to
He loves you dearly, but if you’re being stubborn about taking medicine he’s not going to stay overly nice for long
He knows you’re sick and not acting like yourself, but it’s happening, you’re taking the medicine
If your sickness is bad or steadily getting worse he’s immediately taking you to the hospital even if you beg him not to
He just can’t bear to watch you suffer through this
Not a fan of your sick moments, as much as he likes being depended on Arthur just can’t stand to watch you suffer for those little wishes
America
Alfred has no idea what to do for you
He’s going to try obviously, but it doesn’t go very far before someone is calling it quits
Probably you after having a fifth burger placed on your body after you told him to stop
He just doesn’t understand getting sick, it rarely if ever happens to him and he’s not around sick people enough to know how to help them
So you might have to play backseat driver and tell him what to do
Alfred will do anything you say without question
Even if he’s 100% sure spinning in circles while doing something silly won’t cure your sickness
He’s just happy to do anything for you if it means you won’t be in pain
Will cook for you
He makes a mean chicken noodle soup so you’re in good hands for that
Likely spends the whole day cooped up with you so you don’t get bored
Will cuddle you too if that’s what you want
If your fever is getting worse or gets to a point you can’t clearly say something or hold a thought for long he’s taking you to the ER
He’s not going to sit around and google how to take care of a sick person, he’s just gonna bite the bullet and let the professionals handle it from here on out
Alfred on one hand is happy that you trust him enough to let him take care of you, but on the other, he wishes you just admitted that he couldn’t so you could’ve gotten proper help earlier
Germany
Ludwig isn’t that concerned at first
I mean obviously, he wants you to feel better and doesn’t want you to suffer
But if it’s just a common cold or something small like allergies he’s going to give you some medication, ask if you need anything, and then head out to work
Don’t let his curt behavior fool you
He’s at work stopping himself from calling every 30 minutes to make sure you’re okay
Already has plans to cook something nutritious when he gets home
Ludwig is also going to tell his boss he’s heading home early after only a few hours of working
Once he’s back home he’s making sure you’re sleeping and taking your medicine properly
Cooking food and snacks that will be easy on you
Probably won’t cuddle or kiss you while you’re sick but thinks your attempts to get one are absolutely adorable
If your fever is getting worse or isn’t breaking he’s going to suggest the hospital
If you say no, he’ll agree but warns you if it doesn't get better he’s going to take you
If you say yes, he’s packing a small bag and carrying you to the car in no time
Ludwig finds absolutely 0 joy in you being sick, not only was he stressed and worried the whole day you were also suffering the whole time and he’s really against having you feeling like that for any reason
Prussia
Gilbert is uncharacteristically worried for you
I’m talking like the whole ‘awesome’ persona slips away to a really soft and worried one
He’s taking off work immediately to take care of you
Even if you say it’s just a cold he can’t shake the feeling that maybe it might not be
He spends the whole day with you talking nice and soft the whole time
His awesome personality comes back sometime later after he’s not so stressed about you being sick
Cooks for you, anything you want, just as long as you eat and drink something he doesn’t care
Follows the directions on the medicine box to the T
He’s in every 3-4 hours like clockwork with the little shot of medicine or some pills
Cuddles you all day and is not afraid of your germy kisses
Gilbert will get really scared if your sickness gets worse or doesn’t change after a day or two
He likely won’t even ask or argue with you about going to the hospital, he’ll just take you when he thinks the time is right
Gilbert dislikes you being sick the most
it honestly scares him when you’re ill and he can’t help but think the worst will happen to you
52 notes · View notes
emospritelet · 3 years
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Twisted Fate - chapter 23
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31: We have to let go
Last time, Belle and Gold made the final preparations for their baby, and Belle sought a reconciliation with her father. Here’s what happened next.
[AO3]
x
Gold pushed the jeweller’s glass into his eye socket, peering at the tiny cog on the square of black velvet. He reached for the pair of steel tweezers by its side, carefully picking up the cog and transferring it to the silver music box that lay open in front of him. He had been working on it whenever he had a spare moment whilst in Storybrooke, though in truth there had been little opportunity since he had effectively moved to Boston. Belle had not returned from visiting her father, and in order to distract himself from thoughts of marching over there to make sure she was alright, he had decided to concentrate on the music box. Over the past six weeks or so he had cleaned the mechanism, replaced the bent and broken pieces, and carefully and methodically put every piece in its place. This was among the last of them.
The sound of the shop doorbell made him glance up, and he shook his head, turning back to his work.
“A moment,” he called. “I’ll be with you in a moment.”
“It’s okay, it’s only me.”
Belle’s voice made him smile, and he put down the tweezers, removing the glass from his eye socket and turning on the stool to face her as she pushed the curtain aside and stepped into the back room. She looked a little strained around the eyes, but she was smiling.
“How did it go?” she asked, and he raised an eyebrow.
“That was going to be my question.”
“Oh…” Belle sighed, flopping down on the cot. “Okay, I guess. He apologised. Kind of. We talked. He’s not happy about you being in my life, but I told him he’ll have to get used to it.”
“Hmm.” Gold ran a hand through his hair. “Christmas will be fun.”
“Yeah, I’m trying not to think about that.”
Her tone was very dry, and it made him grin, even as he shuddered internally at the thought of having to spend the festive season with Moe French.
“The shop’s doing okay,” she went on. “I had a quick look through the accounts. He’s got a few weddings this month, which is always good for business. Keeps complaining about not having the time to do anything else, so I’ve tried to convince him to get some help in.”
“You think that’s likely?” he asked. “He always managed by himself before you helped him out. I presumed he’d do the same after you left.”
“Yeah, but I think he needs to,” she said. “Just a few hours. Maybe get one of the school seniors to help at weekends, or something. They could cover the shop while he does the wedding arrangements.”
“Well, perhaps he’ll take your advice,” said Gold, and Belle pulled a face.
“He doesn’t look too well,” she said then. “Says he’s been very tired recently. I told him to go to the doctor, but you know how he is.”
“You think it’s something serious?” he asked, and she shrugged.
“He’s overweight, diabetic, high blood pressure - I just worry his heart is gonna give out one day,” she said. “It’s not as though he looks after himself. The shop keeps him active, I suppose, but I bet he’s still drinking too much and avoiding veggies like they’re poison.”
“Well, you can only suggest a course of action,” he said. “It’s up to him to take it.”
“I know.”
She looked gloomy, and he tried to steer her away from talk of her father’s ill health.
“What did he say about the baby?” he asked.
“Asked when it was due, if I had everything I needed…” Belle put a hand to the small of her back. “He says he’ll visit when the baby’s born.”
“Great.”
It was said under his breath, and he winced at the reluctant tone of his voice.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know you wanted to make things up with him. I’m happy for you, really. Don’t listen to my complaining.”
“Can I have that in writing?” She looked amused, and he smiled.
“You know how I feel about formalising agreements.”
“Well, I’d hate to hold you to a promise you can’t keep,” she teased. “How about you buy me dinner tonight and we call it even?”
“That sounds like a deal I couldn’t possibly refuse,” he said. “Are you ready to head back?”
“I think so.” She peered at the bench behind him. “What are you working on?”
“Oh - it’s a music box,” he said. “I’ve been restoring it for some time now. Almost finished.”
“Oh.” She heaved a breath, letting her shoulders drop as she let out a sigh. “You can finish it, if you like. I don’t mind waiting.”
Gold hesitated, glancing over his shoulder at the music box.
“No, it’s okay,” he said. “I’ll be here next week, after all. Gives me something to do in between dealing with business matters.”
She smiled, and he pushed to his feet, carefully putting the remaining pieces of the music box into a small pot and rolling up the square of black velvet. Belle was chewing her lip, staring off into the distance, and he folded his hands over the cane handle, looking at her.
“We can always stay another night, if you’re worried about him,” he said. “I could - uh - make dinner. You could invite him round. If you like.”
Belle glanced around at that, and the way her eyes lit up made him forget about any distaste he felt at the idea of spending an evening with Moe French.
“That’s very kind of you,” she said, her tone warm. “But I think we’ll take things one step at a time. I still haven’t talked to him about all those ridiculous lies he told you about me and Gaston.”
“Ah.” Gold wanted to scowl at the memory, but he kept his face neutral.
“Not sure I will,” she added. “At least not right now. I don’t think I have the energy.”
“Fair enough.”
“How did things go with Dr Hopper?” she asked, and he blew out his cheeks, huffing air.
“We’re making progress,” he said. “Slow, but progress all the same.”
"Good."
"The fact that it's slow is my fault, not his," he added, and she gave him a patient look.
"It's no one's fault," she said gently. "It's just a process, and it takes as long as it takes."
"Yeah." He sighed the word, looking at the floor. "I suppose there are no quick fixes, are there?"
"Exactly," she said. "So no giving yourself a hard time because you're not magically fixed after a few sessions, okay?"
"Okay." He looked up again and smiled at her. "Dr Hopper says the same. And the sessions are going about as well as could be expected, in the circumstances. So that's something."
“Well, that’s good.” Belle stood, shouldering her bag and rolling her shoulders. “You want to tell me about it in the car? I think I want to get home.”
“Of course.”
Gold took off the apron he was wearing and went to the small bathroom to wash his hands. When he returned Belle was peering at the music box with a tiny smile on her face.
“It’s so pretty,” she said. “What tune does it play?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Is it for sale?”
“Perhaps,” he said. “We’ll see how it sounds. Maybe we can play it to the baby, get him to fall asleep.”
Belle straightened up, beaming at him.
“You think it’s a boy?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “That was a slip of the tongue. Honestly, I’d be happy with anything as long as it’s human.”
He grinned at her, and Belle bit her lip, looking amused.
“I think we can guarantee it’ll be human.”
“The rest of Storybrooke may question that, given that I’m the father,” he remarked dryly.
“Well, the rest of Storybrooke can kiss my arse, then,” she said, and Gold burst out laughing, reaching out to take her hand and pull her close.
“Oh, I’m not sharing that pleasure with anyone,” he murmured, and bent his head to kiss her.
x
Belle found that she grew nervous as April wore on and the time for the baby to be born drew nearer. She told herself it was fear of the unknown; no matter how many books she read or videos she watched on the birthing process, she felt that she knew nothing at all. Emma had been wonderful, patiently talking her through every minute of her labour with Henry, but Belle was well aware that Emma’s experience would not necessarily be her own. It didn't help that she was now extremely uncomfortable; the baby had moved, head down towards her pelvis, and she had been suffering from an ever-present backache and an overwhelming need to run to the bathroom. It reminded her that the baby would soon be outside of her, and that she would need to endure a lot of pain for that to happen. She told herself that women had been giving birth for thousands of years, and there was no reason she should find it any more difficult than they had, but she had made the mistake of reading about everything that could possibly go wrong in childbirth. It hadn't helped her nerves. At least her hospital bag was packed and ready to go. It sat in the hallway of the apartment and made her anxious every time she passed it.
She had expected Gold to be as nervous as she, given his past pain and the loss of his son, but he was surprisingly calm, and talked her down from a minor panic attack with soothing words and a bubble bath. He got in with her, sitting at the opposite end with his knees poking up through the fragrant bubbles, the hot water making his skin flush a little. Belle let him take her foot and start to massage it.
“Sorry I seem to be losing it,” she said, as she lay back. “How are you being so calm? We’re gonna be parents in like a fortnight!”
Gold grinned, his eyes soft, but still with that glint in them that she loved. His thumb worked magic circles on the ball of her foot, and she heaved a sigh, trying to relax.
“Yes, and I can’t wait,” he said. “Aren’t you excited?”
“Yes, but - mostly nervous,” she said. “I know it’ll hurt, but - but what if I can’t bear it?”
“You talked through your pain relief options,” he said. “You can speak to the doctor again, if you think it’ll put your mind at ease.”
“I guess.”
“I have every faith in you,” he added. “And in the medical staff. I know how independent you are, and how hard it can be to rely so completely on others, but in these circumstances, I think we both have to trust that they know better than we do. We have to let go.”
“Yeah.”
Belle chewed her lip, running a hand over the curve of her belly.
“I know you’re right,” she added.
“It’s perfectly natural to be nervous the first time,” he said soothingly. “I’m sure next time will be easier.”
“Next time?”
“Ah.” He squeezed his eyes shut, drawing his lower lip up over his teeth. “Forget I said that.”
“Hmm.” She was amused, and poked him with a foot. “Let’s get this one out before we think about the next, okay?”
“Agreed.”
He was grinning at her, and she couldn’t help smiling back, enjoying the easy banter. The fears were still there, whispering at the back of her mind, but she found that talking about them with him was helping.
“What if something goes wrong and they have to cut me open?” she said then.
“Then you’ll need to take things even easier after the birth and leave more to me, that’s what,” he said. “You’ll be in excellent hands. You have the best hospital staff in Boston caring for you and the baby, I promise.”
“I’d have a scar.”
Gold lifted her foot, kissing her toes.
“And it’ll be beautiful.”
“And - and even if I manage to give birth naturally, they’ll probably have to give me stitches,” she added. “That’s gotta hurt, right?”
Gold sighed.
“Look, I can’t pretend to understand your fears or to know what you’re going through,” he said gently. “But you are the bravest person I’ve ever known. I know you’re going to be just fine.”
He resumed the massage, thumb rubbing in slow circles, and Belle sighed, feeling the tension start to drain out of her.
“Sorry,” she said. “I just - I’ve been pregnant all this time and it’s like I’ve just realised I actually have to get this person that’s inside me outside. Does that make sense?”
Gold shrugged, grinning.
“I’m not sure I can ever entirely empathise,” he said. “I suppose I’ll have to settle for being as helpful as I can.”
“Well, you’ve certainly made yourself useful since you moved in,” she said, poking him with her toes again, and his grin widened.
“Indispensable, I would hope.”
“Absolutely.”
“Glad to hear it.”
Belle giggled a little, and wriggled a little, slipping down in the hot water and letting out a long, heavy sigh as she felt her body soften under the rhythmic sweeps of his thumbs.
“That’s better,” he murmured, moving his hands up to massage her calf. “Just relax.”
“Mm.” Belle watched him through half-closed eyes. “Emma, Neal and Henry are coming over Friday, by the way. Do you think you could make something for dinner? Nothing fancy, just anything I can shove in the oven.”
“I don’t mind cooking while you talk to your friends,” he said absently, and looked up. “Oh, unless you want me to find somewhere else to be, of course.”
“It’s not that,” she said. “Of course you could be here. It’s just I thought you’d be in Storybrooke most of the day.”
Gold pulled a face.
“You sure you want me to go?” he asked. “It’s the week before the baby’s due.”
“What about your therapy session?” she asked, and he sighed.
“True,” he allowed. “I suppose I really should try to make that.”
“Do you not want to go?”
Gold hesitated a moment, then shook his head.
“It’s not that,” he said. “It’s just - well, perhaps you’re not the only one who’s a little nervous. Maybe I’m just better at hiding it. I want to be here for you every step of the way, and I worry about leaving you alone for any length of time. Just in case.”
Belle smiled, reaching out to run a hand over his knee.
“It’s only a few hours away,” she pointed out. “And it’s only one day. I’m sure I’ll be fine. Besides, Emma and Neal will be here, it’s not like I’ll be alone.”
“Alright,” he said. “If you’re sure.”
He let go of her foot, and she slipped it back under the water as he reached for the other.
“You said your father was planning on coming to Boston,” he said. “Did he say when?”
“No, he said he’d let me settle in with the baby first,” she said. “He asked that I call him when it’s born, but I think he was planning on leaving the visit for a week or two.”
“Will he stay long?”
“I doubt it. He has the shop to run for a start, and unless he gets an assistant in like I suggested, there’s no one to cover. I imagine it’ll only be for a day or two.”
Gold nodded, and she gave him a wry look.
“I think he’s planning on making his own way here,” she added. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna ask you to go pick him up.”
He grunted at that.
“Good,” he remarked. “The idea of spending four hours in a confined space with Moe French doesn’t fill me with joy, I have to confess.”
“I expect the feeling’s mutual.”
A soft chuckle, and he glanced up at her.
“Don’t know how you put up with us.”
“Well, I’m an extremely patient person.”
“I noticed,” he said, with a wry twist to his mouth. “Far too good for the likes of me.”
Belle pressed her lips together.
“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t trash talk yourself anymore,” she said sternly, and he inclined his head.
“Work in progress,” he said.
“Hmm.”
“I’ve had years of practice, after all,” he added. “Old habits die hard.”
Belle sat forward, reaching up with one hand to cup his cheek. Bubbles ran over her arm, dripping into the bath around them, and she held his eyes with her own.
“You’re a good man,” she said gently. “And you’re going to be a wonderful father. Okay?”
Gold smiled, leaning into her touch.
“I’ll do my best,” he said. “I promise you that.”
“That’s all anyone could ask.”
He kissed her fingertips, and she settled back in the warm water with a sigh as he continued his massage. Two weeks until the baby gets here. We’re going to be a family.
x
The clock on the wall ticked slowly. Gold was sitting on the couch with his elbows on his knees, studying the rug between the shining toes of his shoes. Dr Hopper was waiting patiently for him to speak, and he threaded his fingers together and pulled them apart, a whispery sound of skin against skin.
“So you said the baby was due on May fifth,” said Dr Hopper. “How are you feeling about that?”
“Belle’s nervous,” said Gold, fingers moving restlessly. “I’ve tried to reassure her, but she’s anxious about the birth.”
“Well, that’s understandable, given that this is her first child.”
“I know. I’ve tried to tell her that, but I’m not sure I’m helping.”
Dr Hopper scribbled briefly.
“And how do you feel about it?” he asked. Gold shrugged.
“She’s in good hands. I’m sure she’ll be fine. I don’t want to see her in pain, of course.”
“And the baby?”
“The baby will be fine too.”
“That’s not what I meant,” said Dr Hopper calmly. “You said in our first meeting that you were excited to be a father again. Do you have any other feelings?”
Gold hesitated, ducking his head a little.
“I am excited,” he said eventually. “But there’s this underlying sense of - unease - I suppose.”
“About what?”
“About bringing this child into the world when I couldn’t hold onto the last,” he said, his voice soft. “About whether I’ll fail to protect it. Whether I’ll be - enough.”
“Do you worry that Belle will take it from you?”
“No,” he said, after a pause. “No, I don’t think she’d do that. Not really. Not now I’ve told her how much the thought of it scares me. Belle wouldn’t use my own fears against me like that. She isn’t cruel.”
“Of course not.”
Dr Hopper waited, and Gold ran a hand across the back of his neck, feeling awkward.
“It’s more a fear of what may happen in the future,” he said eventually. “That my child will leave and not come back. That I’ll drive him away; something that I say or do will be the last straw, and he’ll leave.”
“I see.” He could hear the sound of Dr Hopper’s pen scratching away. “Is there anything that sets off this train of thought?”
“Not really.” Gold thought for a moment. “Maybe. When I think about Bailey.”
“Your first son?” Dr Hopper nodded slowly. “You said he was two when his mother took him away.”
“Yes.”
“What was it that made her go?”
“I don’t know…” Gold sat back with a sigh. “She was seeing someone else. She was bored with me. I wanted financial and physical stability for our child, and she wanted excitement and - and drama for herself. The two were incompatible. We were incompatible.”
“Was there something specific that you said or did that made her leave?”
“Not that I can think of.”
“So the leaving was her choice.”
“Yes.”
“And your son had no choice in the matter at all,” added Dr Hopper. “Being two.”
“No, of course not.”
“Then why do you think it makes you worry about this child leaving?”
Gold hesitated.
“I suppose when you say it like that, it’s ridiculous,” he admitted, and Dr Hopper smiled.
“Oh, I find there’s very little that’s completely ridiculous,” he said. “Sometimes the reasons behind someone’s thought patterns may be a little convoluted, but there’s usually some basis in reality. Unfortunately, sometimes our minds focus on the least likely and most painful scenarios that may come from that.”
“Oh, I’m well aware of that,” grumbled Gold.
“So if you know that it wasn’t your son’s choice to leave,” said Dr Hopper. “Why do you fear your second child leaving you?”
“Because he never came back.”
Gold snapped his mouth shut, feeling tears prick his eyes, a heavy weight seeming to shift inside him. Dr Hopper was silent, waiting, and he forced himself to speak.
“He never came back,” he repeated, his voice a hoarse whisper. “I tried to find him for - for years. I employed private detectives and followed up leads and took out advertisements....” He broke off with a bark of a laugh. “I even went on some of those stupid shows where they try to reunite you with lost loved ones. I thought - I thought even if he didn’t watch them himself, maybe someone who knew him would see, they’d tell him. And - and nothing. He doesn’t want to be found. He - he doesn’t want me to find him.”
“Do you think that’s because of something you did?” Dr Hopper’s tone was careful, and Gold shrugged.
“Maybe it was what I didn’t do,” he said. “Milah always said I worked too much. I should have spent more time with him.”
“How much do you think he remembers?” asked Dr Hopper. “Given that he was two.”
“I don’t know…” Gold ran his hands over his face. “Why wouldn’t he look for his father? If she abandoned him, if she left him with Social Services, why wouldn’t he seek me out? All these years I’ve told myself that maybe he had no information to go on, that she told him nothing about me, but maybe that’s not the case. Maybe he chose not to look.”
“I understand how painful those thoughts must be,” said Dr Hopper gently. “Let’s consider your other child for a moment. You worry that you’ll do or say something to make this child leave and not come back.”
“Yes.”
“Some - confrontation, perhaps,” he went on. “I’m assuming you’re looking ahead to when the child is a teenager or a young adult.”
“Yes.”
“Conflict between a parent and child is the most natural thing in the world,” added Dr Hopper, his tone reassuring. “Especially when a child is maturing and starting to make its own choices.”
“I don’t want to be the reason my child leaves,” whispered Gold, and Dr Hopper smiled.
“Then how about you and I talk through some ways of communicating that should maximise your chances of avoiding something like that?” he suggested.
“Alright.” Gold nodded. “Yes. Good.”
“You’ll probably find these techniques useful in other relationships,” he added, and Gold gave him a wry smile.
“Good.”
“I’m going to give you some homework to do, as well,” said Dr Hopper. “Recording these unwanted thoughts. There are some worksheets I’d like you to complete. A kind of journal.”
“Alright.” Gold slumped a little in the chair, feeling drained. “It’ll give me something to do while we’re waiting for the baby to arrive.”
x
“So.” Emma slumped into one of the kitchen chairs, folding her arms across the back and eyeing Belle. “Not long now. You have your bag packed and ready?”
“It’s in the hall,” said Belle, sliding the casserole into the oven and closing the door. “You guys want a drink?”
“You sit down, me and Henry are on it,” said Neal. “I’m guessing some sort of tea?”
“Yeah, can I have fennel?” asked Belle, rubbing a hand over her belly. “This little guy’s been kicking so hard it gave me indigestion.”
“Wine for me,” said Emma, and grinned at Belle. “Hey, I can’t wait until the two of us can have a girls’ night. You can leave Gold changing diapers and come out and get wasted.”
“Looking forward to it.”
Belle sat down with a sigh of relief, still rubbing her belly. She had been having odd twinges all day, and it was getting on her nerves.
“I think he’d be in his element, anyway,” she said. “It’s gonna be a new thing for him, having a newborn to care for, but he’s been reading all the books. I think he’ll be great.”
“Wasn’t he around when his son was born?” asked Neal.
“I’m sure he would have been, had he known about it,” she said dryly, and Neal and Emma winced.
“Ouch,” said Emma. “Poor guy.”
“Yeah.” Belle slumped in her chair a little. “I get the feeling that’s not the only issue from his past that he needs to work through.”
“How’s the therapy going?” asked Emma, and Belle wrinkled her nose.
“He seems - less anxious about it,” she said eventually. “I think it took him a while to open up, but that’s no surprise. He’s committed to it, though.”
“Is that where he is now?”
“That’s the reason he went to Storybrooke, but he’s had his session,” said Belle. “I spoke to him this afternoon. He said he had a tenancy issue to sort out and then he’d be on his way back.”
She flinched as another spasm went through her. That one had hurt more than the last. Neal set a cup of fennel tea in front of her and gave Henry his cocoa before pouring two glasses of wine and slipping into the chair next to Emma. He was watching her with a tiny frown on his face.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “You keep wincing.”
“Yeah, just twinges,” said Belle, and Emma looked thoughtful.
“What kind of twinges?”
“Just - I don’t know, I guess the baby’s head is pressing on something. It’s been going on most of the day.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Well, it does now,” sighed Belle. “Figured it was Braxton Hicks. They’ve been driving me nuts this past month, but this is hurting more.”
“You got any backache?”
“Yeah,” said Belle, pressing a hand to her back. “God, I’ll be glad when this is over.”
“You may get your wish sooner than you think,” said Emma. “Sounds like you could be in early labour.”
“What?” Belle shook her head. “But the baby’s not due until next week.”
“Yeah, but babies don’t always stick to the schedule, and everything you just described could be early labour pains,” said Emma. “How often are you getting the twinges?”
“Oh, I dunno. Maybe a few times an hour?”
“Hmm.” Emma reached for her glass of wine. “You might want to time them. Could be nothing. Could be something.”
“Is the baby coming?” asked Henry excitedly.
“Maybe, kid.” Emma took a sip of her wine. “Belle, what time’s Alex getting back?”
“I don’t know, he said he’d call when he left.” Belle rubbed at her back, trying to ease the dull ache. “You think I should call him?”
“Not until you need to go to hospital,” said Emma. “If it is early labour you’ve probably got a good few hours before then. The baby probably won’t come until tomorrow.”
“Right.” Belle turned her mug of tea with nervous fingers. “Wow. Is this really it?”
Emma reached over to grasp her hand.
“You’re gonna be fine,” she said firmly. “We can time the contractions, and we’ll stay with you until Gold gets back, okay?”
“Okay.” 
Belle tapped her fingers against the mug restlessly. The dull ache in her lower back was getting worse, and the pain wasn’t helped by her nerves.
“D’you want me to read you a story?” asked Henry. “I always feel better if I get a story.”
Belle smiled at him.
“Thanks Henry, that sounds great.”
“Cool! I’m gonna read you the one about Beauty and the Beast!”
He slipped from the table and ran through to the lounge to get the storybook he carried everywhere. Belle was feeling restless, fingers still tapping, and she pushed to her feet, almost toppling the chair over backwards.
“You okay?” asked Neal.
“Yeah, fine,” she muttered. “I’m just - excuse me a moment.”
She strode from the room, heading for the bathroom. There was wetness between her legs, a sudden rush of fluid. She had taken to wearing pads in the lead-up to her due date, as the literature suggested, and this felt like something that needed attention. A strong cramp went through her, and Belle stopped dead, pressing a hand to her belly with a groan, her heart thumping. How long since the last one? Ten minutes? Less?
“Belle?” Emma had put her head around the kitchen door and was eyeing her curiously. “You okay?”
Belle turned on her toes slowly, trying to steady her breathing as the cramping continued.
“Could you call Alex?” she asked. “I think my waters just broke.”
47 notes · View notes
pparkerpoetry · 3 years
Text
Face Reality (Part 10)
Title: Healing as The Pain Fades (gunpowder and fire don’t mix well)
Summary: While Purpled and Ranboo recover, Sam is reminded of his past. It takes Puffy to get him to open up, but he does. His past is an ugly one, but his family doesn't love him any less.
- Chapter One - Chapter Eleven
Masterlist
_______________
Purpled was fast asleep, mind clear and dreamless, for once. Ranboo’s was the one that was running, but from what, he wasn’t sure. Maybe nothing. Perhaps he was just paranoid. He was thinking about the end, and the way that they left the portal shining and vulnerably open on their way home. 
All three of them were home now, safe, warm, and healing, but Ranboo couldn’t shake the deep pit of concern that had settled itself in his stomach. The portal had been closed for a reason- to protect the End from the people that roamed the over world. Ranboo knew that if the wrong one found its way into the portal, it would be over. Ransacked. Looted. 
Even after all that it had done to him, the End was still connected to him. He’d never sever that tie, he’d never be able to cut off that past. He was fine with it, though. Besides the obvious bad parts, the End really was beautiful. When he wasn’t being abandoned, he liked it there.
Maybe it was just his enderman instincts feeling comfortable there.
Ranboo pushed the thought away for a few minutes as Purpled stirred on the bed. They had both crawled into it after Sam deemed them bandaged up enough (although, their wounds were really just minimal. It was Sam’s they were worried about. He assured them that he’d get it looked at, but some small part of their mind doubted the truth of his words.), and fallen asleep. Or at least, one of them had. 
Purpled blearily opened his eyes, and saw Ranboo looking right back at him. “What d’you want?” He groaned, burying his head into the pillow. “It’s too early.”
“Just making sure you’re doing alright.”
A small hum formed in Purpled’s throat. “Oh, yeah. Almost forgot about that.”
Ranboo snorted. “I wish I could. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Purpled rolled over to cling to Ranboo’s arm as the enderman hybrid was sitting up. “Why’re you so concerned?” He laughed almost deliriously at a joke that he hadn’t made public yet.
“What?” Ranboo asked, amused at the scene unfolding before him.
“Ranboo? My brother? More like a bother!” He laughed for a little before quieting and snuggling closer. “I’m sorry. That was mean.” He whined in a sad voice.
Despite that, Ranboo felt a grin creep onto his face. He ruffled Purpled’s hair and let the grin widen as Purpled leaned into the touch. “Nah, that’s alright. I know you didn’t mean it like that.”
They let silence linger, heat radiating off of both of them. 
“Hey, Ranboo?”
The enderman made a little noise, waiting for Purpled to continue.
“I’m not going to have to fight anymore, right? I can rest?”
Ranboo knew in that moment that healing was going to be even more intricate and difficult for Purpled than he had thought. Purpled had been left alone for so long, he learned to give up on others and rely on himself. Of course he wouldn’t immediately trust again. It was a process.
Realizing he hadn’t responded, he spoke. “No, Purp. You’re safe here. You can rest.”
Purpled was already asleep, and Ranboo wasn’t far to follow. They were both still sleeping when Sam came to check on them, side healing but not quite properly taken care of. He pulled up the blanket to cover them, and smiled softly as he left. It was a good thing he had arrived when he did, because he didn’t want to think about what would’ve happened if he’d gotten there a little later.
Sam knew the scene that he’d seen in the stronghold a little more than he’d care to admit. 
__________________
When Ranboo woke up, he was alone in his room. Purpled’s side was cold, so he must’ve gone a while ago, but he had no desire to get up. He needed to, at some point, but he didn’t really want to. Who does, honestly, when they’re in bed? The blankets were warm, the pillows were soft, and Ranboo’s mind was still muddled with the weight of sleep, so really, he had no reason to get up. What did the waking world have to offer him that his dreams didn’t?
The sound of laughter echoed into the bedroom, and Ranboo managed to lift his head up a little. He swung his legs over until his feet hit the floor, then made his way over to where the noise was coming from. 
Only a few of the family was in the living room (Most were missing, like Fundy and Eret who were restoring the castle and Tubbo who was in Logstedshire), laughing at a joke someone said. Ranboo wasn’t sure who said the joke. Probably Tommy, if the way his wings were proudly puffed up were any indication. 
“Ranboo!” Purpled called from next to Tommy on the couch. “You’re up!”
All eyes turned to Ranboo, and he chuckled uneasily. “I sure am. What’ve you guys been up to?”
Sam spoke up from a recliner that was in the corner. His voice was quiet, almost concerningly so. “No much. Just resting.”
“Are you alright?” Ranboo asked, tilting his head.
Sam just shrugged sluggishly. “Yeah. I think.”
It got quiet. “I’m gonna call Puffy.” Tommy mumbled, leaving the room. If the only responsible adult wasn’t being responsible, then they needed another one to make sure they were all okay. Who better to reach than Puffy?
“What? No, don’t call Puffy.” Sam sighed. “I’m fine.” He was met with blank stares. “Fine,” he agreed reluctantly. “Call Puffy, if you want. It’s a waste, though, I promise I am okay.”
“Yeah, yeah. Keep talking, big man.” Tommy yelled from out of the room. His voice softened when it was clear that Puffy had picked up his call. “Hey,”
Ranboo turned to Sam. “I don’t believe for one minute that you’re fine. What’s wrong?”
“I dunno.” Sam fidgeted, trying to get comfortable. “That’s a lie. I do know. I just don’t like looking at it.”
“Looking at what? Sam, if you say your wound, I swear-”
“Yeah. I’m sorry,” Sam giggled. Ranboo didn’t like how Sam sounded when he giggled- it was concerning and almost scary, because Sam had always comforted them. What did they need to do when Sam was the one needing help? “Ranboo?”
“Hmm?”
“Is Purpled okay? Are you?”
Ranboo scrunched up his eyebrows and looked at Purpled, who was sitting on the couch, staring back. “Of course we are. You brought us back. Remember?”
Sam’s eyes started to water. “I remember. I just didn’t want it to be like last time. Needed to make sure you made it out alive.”
“Sam,” Ranboo began cautiously. “What do you mean by last time? None of us have died.”
When Puffy burst into the room, Tommy was trailing behind her. Sam never got to answer. “I came as fast as I could,” She fretted, looking over Sam and clicking her tongue in sympathy when she saw his wound. “Alright, big guy, let’s get you into the medical room.”
The three boys listened to Puffy berating their father on his lack of care for himself for a little bit, before leaping up when they heard the door close. Sure, maybe eavesdropping was a little morally wrong in this instance, but they wanted to know why Sam wasn’t tending to his wound. Would he be okay?
Puffy’s voice was muffled, because it was soft and laced with concern. “Why didn’t you call me sooner? Those boys need you, and they can’t have you if you die.”
Sam’s was loose and tired, “I didn’t want to think about the wound. It made me think about that… thing, standing above Purpled and Ranboo, like back then.”
“Back… when? Sam?”
They didn’t hear Sam’s answer, because he never did. They could, however, hear Puffy panicking. Tommy frowned. “C’mon, guys. Let’s go watch a movie.” He wrapped his wings around the other two, and turned up the volume to try and pretend that they couldn’t hear Puffy yelling at Sam to not fall asleep.
It was a while before Puffy came out of the room, and when she did, Sam didn’t follow. She made sure that they couldn’t see into the room, so they just waited for her to come over. 
“Hi, boys.” She sighed, “I’m sorry you had to hear that. We’ll probably have to talk once he’s awake, but he’ll be fine for now.”
They made room for her on the couch, and they all sat in silence. At some point, after Puffy made them all dinner, they fell asleep, but Puffy woke up alone. The boys had all moved to sleep by the door to the medical room, in a large cuddly pile. She had to smile, but it faded when she remembered how Sam was.
It was rough, she had to admit, but he’d make it. If the nonsense he’d let out in a fit of distress about his past was any indication, he’d gone through much worse. They’d have to talk about that.
The room was cheerful, not the plain white that the Community House room had on its walls. Here, there were soft lights, not harsh, and it was welcoming. On the far wall there were a few beds, only one long enough to fit Sam. Clearly, he’d planned to end up there at some point. Given the server, Puffy couldn’t say she blamed him. 
Sam was sitting up, which she wasn’t pleased about. She didn’t want to redo the stitches, but his weary grin made her decide not to be so fussy with him.
“Hi, Puffy. I’m guessing my boys called you?”
So he didn’t remember. That was a little concerning. “Yup. You’ve got some good ones, there. Do you know how you got here? Any recollection of anything from when you got home to now?”
“I… yeah, pretty much everything, except from a little after I sat down in the recliner. I can’t remember what, but I know I definitely spilled something to you.”
Puffy gave Sam a tense smile. “Yeah. It was a bit of your, your childhood. Do you want to talk about it?”
She could see the confliction in his eyes before he sighed and looked down. “I probably should. Talk, I mean. To both you and the boys- you deserve to know. The only person who really knows turned out to be a pretty awful person.” He chuckled harshly, sniffling a bit. 
“Dream, you mean?” Puffy asked slowly, wincing at the mention of her… of the child that should’ve grown up so different. What had happened to the happy little boy that had been so innocent? “He knows?”
Sam nodded. “He was the one that brought me here.”
Abruptly, to change the subject, Puffy spoke up. “The boys slept outside the door last night because they weren’t sure if they were allowed in. They’re worried, Sam.”
“Can I go see them? I should apologize.”
“You can go see them, but you don’t have anything to apologize for, Sam. You were just trying to avoid the past. We can all understand that.”
It was comical, they all had to admit, watching Puffy try to help someone two feet taller than her walk, so Ranboo stepped in. He was the tallest, besides Sam, anyway.
They all sat in the living room, and they chatted aimlessly until the others came home. They’d been messaged, saying that Sam needed to talk. 
“It started when I was younger, I guess. I forget how old, exactly, at this point. Young, innocent. Impressionable. I lived with my mother, because my dad was never there. She would never tell me why, but I know, now. Hunters got him. Hunters that are hired to go after hybrids, to make sure that they never felt safe. My mother must’ve fled, at some point. I’m not sure if I was born yet or not when they got seperated, but we found a nice server and lived there for a bit. Recovered. Spent time together because she lived in fear that it would get cut short.”
Sam looked out the window and smiled ruefully. “We had a nice life, the two of us. Until the hunters found her, and then me.”
________________
The sun was beating down on the plains, hot and fierce. Of course, little Sam had always liked the heat. It was comfortable. His mother wasn’t all that fond of it, but she tolerated the heat for him. She really did love Sam, she loved him with all of her heart, and would do anything, give anything to keep him safe.
And so, the day started off. Sam woke up and had breakfast, and since it was a weekend from the homeschooling that his mother insisted on doing despite how much he begged to go to a real school, he had plans laid out. They were elaborate, they were detailed, and they would take up the whole day, right up until he ran inside to have dinner with his mother. It really was a shame they never got carried out.
“Good morning, you little munchkin. Sleep well?” His mother had asked, smiling fondly at him as she mixed up some eggs.
Sam grinned as he climbed onto one of the seats by the table. “Yup! I had a cool dream, too. Wanna hear?”
He rambled about his dreams, which were elaborate in themselves, because he had such a vivid imagination. He wouldn’t know it, but those were the last dreams in a long time that wouldn’t be plagued with fire and death. His mother listened as she continued cooking, fiddling with the old, rickety stove every now and then to coax it to work.
Eventually, she sat down and handed him a bowl of eggs. “Make sure you eat all of those before you go and run off, okay?” She said, propping her chin up on one of her hands and smiling at her son.
“I will!” Sam promised, not knowing that the bowl of eggs would be overturned, chipped and forgotten, before he even got halfway through.
It was quiet for a moment, but his mother got up to get a glass of water at some point. She was at the sink, filling the cup up, when she looked out of the large window. “Sam,” she started, voice shaking slightly, “Go downstairs and hide, okay? We’re, uh, we’re gonna play a game of hide and go seek, okay?”
Sam scrunched his face up. “That doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun, if you know where I’m hiding.”
“Sam,” she said, sharper this time. Tense. “Go. I need you to stay down there, okay? Even if you hear people calling for you. Stay here until I come back and knock three times, alright?” She demonstrated a small rhythm, easy for the child to remember.
“Okay.” Sam said. “But momma, you’re scaring me.”
“It’ll be okay, honey.” She promised, tears filling her eyes. Which one of them was she trying to reassure? “It’ll be fine. Just go now. I love you.”
“I love you, too!” Sam called as he went down the stairs into the cellar.
His mother could spare no time to think about Sam anymore. He was a great hider, he was too smart for his own good. He would be fine. He was a good boy, but it was a shame he didn’t get to be a child any longer than now.
She went to her room, grabbing some armor that had been hidden. Really, she was just glad that Sam hadn’t found it when he was looking for a spot for hide and go seek. Next, she went into her bedroom closet and took out her weapons. She was a little rusty, but she hoped it would be enough. She’d given up the blade for motherhood, chosen her battles and chosen life. Now, their time was up. 
If she listened hard enough, she could hear Sam scratching around for the perfect place to hide, but it settled down. She opened the door, whispered a prayer that he’d found it, and stepped into the fields, where a group stood waiting for her. 
Hunters. 
She’d been expecting them. Not this soon, but she had been. She only hoped she’d done enough to ensure Sam’s survival. As she raised her weapon, she tried to smile. Best case scenario, she’d see her son again. Worst case, she’d see her husband. 
Sam wanted a fun game. He really liked winning, and his mom had seemed a little stressed, so maybe he could win if he found a really, really good spot. 
He searched for a little, but a small part of his brain told him to hurry. He wasn’t sure why, it was just a game, right? Maybe his mom was going to trick him and give him less time to hide so that she could win. She wouldn’t do that, though, right?
The hunt for the perfect spot ended when he spotted a small part of the wall that looked like it was loose. She wouldn’t expect him to go into the wall, right?
A piece of the wood came off, almost as if connected by a hinge. It swung outwards, harder to access from the outside than the inside. It was perfect. He gave it no thought, then, at least, as to why it had opened so easily, like it had been made for that very purpose.
He was expecting to be met with whatever the inside of a wall looked like, but as far as his little brain knew, walls didn’t lead to empty tunnels. Did they? Was this just an abandoned mine from when they had first moved in and his mom went mining?
The small part of his brain urged him forward. He played it off as finding an even better place to hide, but he was getting scared. It was dark down there, he’d just woken up, and he hadn’t eaten much before he was sent down here. Without his momma.
He wandered down the small corridor, which looked as if it was for a child, so surely it wasn’t used by him mom. What was the use of having a mine if no adults could go down it?
“For a child to escape,” His mouth said. Where had that come from? Escape? From what? The word ‘instincts’ appeared vividly, and as he continued down the poorly lit passage, he started to cry. 
He didn’t want to play hide and go seek. He wanted his mom, but she had told him to stay down there until she came knocking, and he didn’t want to disobey her. It was a good thing he had started crying, in a way. If he had been quieter, he would’ve heard his mother’s screams and the laughter of men as they approached his home. He would’ve heard the crackle of fire, a little later, and the sound of horse’s hooves as they searched for the child they’d been told lived there too.
The child, however, had reached the surface, a long ways away from home. 
Sam surfaced next to a lake. He’d never really seen a lake before, because his mother wanted to live in the plains so that she could see around them. “Momma doesn’t like being sneaked up on.” He said to himself as he climbed out of the tunnel. He vaguely remembered this lake, he thought. He wasn’t sure why, as he was almost positive that he’d never actually seen it, but the more he stood there, the more he felt like he knew it. 
He was in a forest, but his mother had always told him to never go in the forest. The forest meant getting lost.
“Momma?” He asked, looking around. His tears had stopped for a moment, but they started up again. He felt like he shouldn’t shout, but he really wanted to. “Momma?” He asked, a little louder this time.
“What is wrong, child?” The voice wasn’t his mother’s. It wasn’t soft, honey-like, or comforting. It was smooth, and it sounded like a hiss. “Why do you weep?”
Sam turned to see where the voice was coming from, and he gave a little yelp when he saw the green-speckled face of a creeper staring at him from under one of the trees a little further into the woods. 
“I want my momma. She told me to go hide, but now I’m lost.” He sniffled. “Do you know my momma?”
“Oh, child.” The creeper mourned, hissing softly. “You’re the hybrid who lives in the plains.”
Sam nodded, “Can you bring me home?”
The creeper shook its head. “I can’t, little one. There’s nothing left. The hunters came and burned your house down. They search for you, now. I was worried you’d been found. It’s a good thing your mother had prepared for this.”
Sam furrowed his brow. “It’s gone? But where’s momma? She promised that she’d come back.”
The creeper hummed, burning slightly. “Then that is your first lesson in survival, child. Never trust promises.”
Sam didn’t stay with the creeper long. It was killed by a lone player before morning, and he was left, alone, in a forest. Crying, most of the time, dirty, and tired. He fell asleep in a bush that he had crawled into, cold after spending most of his life in the sun of the plains.
The forest became his home. His safe place. It was easy enough to evade the hunters for a while, if he let his instincts override his mind, but he never liked doing it. He hated the explosions he caused, loud and disruptive. His skin was always sore and tender when he cowered in a crater of his own making, and he had to limp back to the shelter of the forest before the hunters brought more backup.
As the explosions grew more frequent, the barrier between creeper and human thinned. He hissed more than he spoke, he lurked more than he walked, he exploded more than he fought. He was still a child, small and vulnerable. The creepers of the forest gave him a wide berth. To be by him meant to be hunted. 
He was a little feral child, at best, before someone from the server who had known his mother found him. It was a miracle that it was someone who didn’t support the server’s choices to let the hunters in, and even more of a miracle that they were leaving it.
It had taken a while to convince Sam to leave with them. 
“Sam? Oh, my god, Sam? Is that you? I thought they’d gotten you, oh, Sam,”
The words fell on empty ears. He’d learned to survive, not to live. He ran as soon as he had gained passage out of the server, because to be with people was to cause death.
Sam grew on pilfering and server-hopping, often illegally. No one knew his name, just his face. As he grew older, better at hiding, the pictures grew outdated. His older features were his own disguise from the wanted posters that displayed the badly drawn photos of a small creeper hybrid, but it was better to still hide.
A few years later, Sam managed to find himself a friend. Unnamed, now, the title they went by blocked from his memory once he’d grown, either because of the pain the memories caused or because of how long ago it was. They didn’t last long anyway, despite how much the two trusted each other. Their friendship was for survival, but it meant a lot to both of them. Unnamed was a hybrid, too. A blaze hybrid. Fire and gunpowder was dangerous, but they made it work.
Sam had been injured, pushed into a corner, Unnamed standing over him as the hunters approached.
“Hey there, sonny. Been a long time since we caught your trail, huh?” One of them sneered, and Sam whimpered.
Unnamed snarled right back. “You aren’t getting him.”
“And why’s that?”
“He’s lived too long to be taken by you filth. Sam,” Unnamed said desperately, knowing how grim their situation was, “I’m lighting up. You know what to do.”
“No,” Sam responded, sobbing at either the pain or the sorrow he felt, “It’ll kill you.”
“But not you,” Unnamed retorted, “And isn’t that the point of me? To ensure your survival? Sent by your mother to protect you?”
“What?” Sam had asked, mouth dry, but it was too late. The gunpowder had risen, and he was alone, in a crater raging with flames as his blood fell onto the ground. 
He made sure to travel alone after that. Trusting no one was in his very genes at that point. He was tired of life, but he needed to keep going. His momma would be mad if he went to see her this early. 
___________
“Yeah.” Sam said, looking at the ground. “At some point, Dream found me. It was many years later, anyway. You don’t want the whole story.”
“Sure we do,” Ranboo protested. “If it’s important, we want to hear it. As long as you want to share, of course.”
Sam just shook his head. “No. You don’t want to hear it. What I did, how I survived… It’s not a story you should hear. Just know that I’m doing okay, now. I guess this family is as much for me as for you guys, though, huh?”
Ranboo hummed, then snuggled into Sam’s side. “I love you. You know that, right, dad?”
Sam couldn’t respond immediately, though, because Ranboo had spurred a whole chorus of ‘i love you’s from the group, and once they were done, he was laughing. 
“Aw, I love you guys, too. Now, it’s late, and way past your bedtime.” 
They didn’t move, though. They just let Tommy use all of the blankets to make a giant nest for them to sleep in, right in the middle of the living room. Niki had traveled over to spend the night with Puffy, and Eret stayed as well. They were a big, happy family, and though they all had pasts that they didn’t want to think about, they had a future that they looked forward to. 
47 notes · View notes
wholesomemendes · 4 years
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I have a request, if you’re taking them atm! Tour is still going and Alessia is still the opening act, so Shawn, Brian, Connor, Alessia, Olivia, and Y/N hang out in their gang just having fun, being their goofy selves. Brian and Connor know about Shawn liking Y/N and Alessia and Liv know about Y/n liking Shawn. They set them up and go form there? Ily and your stories and make sure you’re staying safe! xx
Author’s Note: I am so sorry this took so long, I’ve been working on it for way too long! But this is 4.7k of personal assistant fluff and I hope you enjoy it! As always please reblog and tell me what you think!
“Thank you, Glasgow!” Screams echoed out from every corner, energy bouncing off the walls as Alessia ended her set and ran off the stage. You and Liv sprinted your way backstage from where you were watching her on the side, maneuvering through all of the backstage crew in order to reach Alessia before her after show high had calmed down. Upon spotting the two of you, a wide smile formed on her face and she began running in your direction to meet you halfway. 
“That. Was. Incredible!” you screamed as she wrapped you both in a bone crushing hug.
“I know right! The crowd is so loud, I can’t even imagine what they’ll be like for Shawn,” Alessia replied with a smile, still trying to catch her breath from her performance.
“Don’t sell yourself short, they’ll probably be quieter for him. Man's looks can only take him so far.”
The two girls laughed at your light hearted joke before Liv piped up, “Better watch it Y/n, just cause you’re his assistant doesn’t mean he’s gonna give you a free pass at hurting his ego.”
“Nah, he knows I adore him, probably give him too much praise. Gotta make sure I don’t blow up his head too big,” you teased, joining in the girls giggles, “Speaking of Shawn, I better go find him before he goes out. I’m kinda slacking at my job right now.”
“Go, go, can’t leave your lover boy hanging,” Alessia lightly pushed you in the direction of his dressing room, knowing you hated when the girls teased you about your not so secret crush on your boss.
“I hate you!”
“I love you too!”
________________
“Does anyone know where Y/n is? She's usually back here by now...” Shawn was pacing around his dressing room anxiously while poor Tiff was attempting to put on the final touches of his outfit.
“I bet she’s on her way here right now, Alessia’s set just ended,” she tried to console him, “Now stand still and let me do my job.”
“I’m sorry I’m just worried, I haven’t seen her much today and I’m worried she’s not coming back here before I go on.”
“Shawn, she always comes back...” Tiff was interrupted by two short knocks on the door and your beautiful voice soothing the poor boy’s worries, “Shawn, can I come in?”
He didn’t even bother answering, instead choosing to rip the door open and pull you into his embrace, burying his face into your shoulder, “I thought you weren’t gonna come back.”
“What are you talking about, big guy? I always check up on you,” you giggled at his antics, feeling his breath slowly even out as he breathed in your signature scent. 
He pulled his face out from your shirt to look at you, the panic in them still evident, “You’re usually back here by now and I don’t know, I haven’t seen you much today and I was worried and...”
“Hey rockstar, deep breaths,” you smiled up at him with the loving gaze that was reserved just for him and took his face in your hands, relishing in the way he leaned into your touch, “I’m always gonna check on you before your show. It’s tradition...and my job but that’s a completely different topic. Besides, the reason you haven’t seen me around today is because I’ve been busy taking care of all the necessary business surrounding a certain pop star.” You poked his chest at your last sentence, earning a sincere chuckle to escape his lips for the first time in a few hours. 
The moment was interrupted by Tiff tapping Shawn’s shoulder lightly, “I hate to break this up, but you need to get dressed.”
Pushing Shawn away towards Tiff, you took a seat on the couch of the dressing room, watching as he covered up his muscular arms with an unbuttoned, army green short-sleeve shirt. You would be lying if you said you weren’t enjoying the view of him in a white wife-beater tank, but you knew it would make an appearance again mid way through the show tonight. You made yourself busy by looking through your twitter feed, liking some of the posts from Shawn’s fans about the concert tonight. “Finished!” Tiff exclaimed excitedly, brushing out the fabric on his shoulders as Shawn fiddled with the array of rings on his fingers.
He tilted his head to look at you through his eyelashes, a smirk forming on his face when he saw your eyes do a quick glance up and down his body. Turning his head back to look at his hands, he prayed you couldn’t see the blush forming on his face from your looks as you were the only person that had that effect on him. He got thousands of compliments from beautiful girls every day, but they never meant as much to him as they did when you said them. It seemed painfully obvious to everyone around him that he was crushing hard on you, well at least that’s what the guys made it seem like. In reality, only Brian and Conner knew after they confronted a drunk Shawn one night who immediately spilled his feelings. That’s the issue with drunk Shawn, he was very, very emotional. Not in a bad way, unless you count sharing everything you feel towards your personal assistant before even she knows bad. 
“Shawn, did you remember to take your medicine?” you asked softly as Tiff left the room, meeting his eyes while he walked closer to where you were seated on the couch. You knew he hated other people knowing about his medication even if it wasn’t serious, he just didn’t feel the need to let people know. So even though you made it a point to remind him just in case he happened to forget, you always made sure to do it in privacy with the most gentle voice.
He cleared his throat, scratching nervously behind his neck, “I, um...I’m actually not taking it tonight.” This medicine wasn’t extreme by any means, it simply slowed his heart rate down so he could be calm on stage with his anxiety. But nevertheless it was medicine and for him to simply not take it tonight was a big deal whether he acted like it was or not.
Your eyes went wide, staring up at him where he had made his way between your legs on the couch as he fiddled with his fingers, refusing to meet your eyes. “Oh...that-that’s great, Shawn. Wh-Why aren’t you taking it?”
He sighed, making his way to sit next to you and laid down with his head in your lap. You carded your fingers through his long curls, trying your hardest to make sure you’d be able to easily style them again before he went on. “I don’t want to rely on medicine anymore. I get it’s not that big of a deal and a lot of artists use this type, but I don’t want to feel like I can’t perform without it. I need to do this for myself, to get over this. I talked to Andrew and Jocelyne before I made the decision, but I had already made up my mind.” A quiet moan escaped his plush lips when you lightly massaged a spot on his head as you listened intently, wishing nothing more than to take all his pain away.
“I’m proud of you,” he turned his head to look up at you as you spoke, hand coming to rest on his cheek that was once in his curls, “I really am.”
He placed his large hand over yours, lightly kissing the inside of your palm, “Thank you, it means a lot coming from you.” Your heart swelled three sizes at his words and the look in his eyes was indescribable. Deep down in your heart wanted to believe it was love, but the rational part of your brain quickly dismissed the thoughts. “Hey, I, um, I’ve wanted to talk to you abou-” “Shawn! You’re on in 15!” One of the backstage crew followed by three sharp knocks interrupted Shawn’s thoughts and he stood up with a huff, heading towards the mirror to fix his hair before turning towards the door. “You coming?”
“Of course.” You followed him out the door where he proceeded to wrap his arm around your shoulders, pressing you closer to him as you walked.
“Good, need you close tonight. Got a lot more nerves this time around.”
________________
“I can do this, I can do this, I can do this,” Shawn mumbled to himself as the two of you were sitting under the stage. You could practically feel the waves of anxiety rolling off of him while you waited for his cue to run up those stairs. “I can do this, I can do this, I can…”
“Shawn, look at me,” you took his face into your small hands, cupping his cheeks with your palms as he stared back at you with wide doe-like eyes. It didn’t matter if it was almost pitch black under there, you could see the fear inside of those eyes that usually held so much joy. “You’re going to kill it out there rockstar and you don’t need any medicine to do that.” He leaned into your touch, hanging onto every last word you were saying. “That medicine isn’t what makes you a performer, it’s what’s in here-” you released one hand from his face to poke at his racing heart beneath his chest “-that gives you talent. You’re Shawn Mendes and if that doesn’t do it for you, I don’t know what will. Because the Shawn I know is the most talented, caring, and heartfelt man I’ve ever met, and to say I was him would be the biggest honor.” You could see his tears threatening to fall out of his eyes at your words, causing you to reach up and brush them away, “Now there’s an arena filled with people who love every single inch of you, so go out there and show them what you got.” 
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he sighed, heart feeling lighter than it ever has. He swore you must be a witch because of the magic you had over him, but his brain told him it was the grip you had on his heart that allowed you to have this effect on him. 
“Good thing you’ll never have to.” With that he blew you a kiss, running up the stairs to be met with the deafening screams of thousands of fans.
________________
The screaming was insane as Shawn bounded off the stage, energy coursing through his veins. Alessia and Liv stood by your side, surrounded by people on your left and right all waiting to congratulate Shawn. Connor ran behind him, capturing the moment before clapping Shawn on the shoulder, yelling something about how amazing the crowd was over their screams. Suddenly, Shawn’s eyes locked with yours, his smile somehow growing wider as he made his way towards you. His face faltered for a moment when Andrew and some of the backstage members surrounded him, congratulating him on the show while his eyes fought to stay on you. He thanked them all profusely, trying his best to focus on them instead of where you were standing next to some of his best friends.
Once he got through the rest of the crew, he made his way over to you, letting out a sigh of relief when his arms were finally wrapped around you and his head was rested in the crook of your neck. “I did it,” he mumbled into your neck, “I did the show without it.”
Your heart was filled with so much pride and excitement for him that your eyes started to well up with tears while you squeezed your arms tighter around him, “I always knew you could do it. I’m so so proud of you, Shawn.” 
“I couldn’t do it without you.” He squeezed your body one last time before Brian was clapping him on the shoulder, turning his attention away from you. Shawn gave a final hug to Alessia and Liv, although it was much shorter and less intimate than the one he gave you, then followed Andrew’s orders to meet with some fans that were backstage. You followed behind him, handing him a water bottle when he began to cough, knowing that after every show his voice typically became extremely raw. He blew you one of his famous kisses as a thank you, causing your cheeks to heat up much to your dismay. Alessia was long gone, having gone back to her dressing room, and you were incredibly thankful that there was no one around to tease you about your inappropriate crush on your boss. Once pictures were done you followed Shawn back to his own dressing room, ready to go sleep the night away in your hotel room.
“That show was ecstatic! I don’t know if it’s just because I didn’t take my medicine, but the energy just felt so good!” Shawn was smiling from ear to ear as he pulled his sweat-filled tank top over his head, throwing it on the floor for you to inevitably pick up even if he didn’t intend for you to do so. 
“No, that crowd was definitely off the walls. Alessia said the same thing when she came off,” you told him, making your way to sit on the couch. 
“I’m just gonna take a quick shower and then we can head out.”
“Sounds like a plan. I can only imagine you’re excited to get back to the hotel, bet tonight’s show was more tiring than usual.”
“We’re not going back to the hotel,” he turned to you with a confused look on his face, bare chest on full display making your heart flutter, “Didn’t Alessia or Liv tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“You know what they probably just thought I’d tell you. Brian, Connor, Alessia, Liv, and the two of us are going exploring. We don’t have another show for like two days or something…”
“Three days.”
“You know what I meant, but that means we have time to explore tonight and rest tomorrow.”
“Don’t you just want to go to sleep?” 
Shawn strolled over to where you were sitting, leaning over you to place his hands on the couch behind you. His face was inches from yours and you couldn’t help the flush that came over your cheeks from his bare skin being in such close proximity. “Sleep can wait. Now you-” he tapped the tip of your nose- “are going to find one of my sweatshirts in my bags because there’s no way you’re going out in that you’ll freeze, and I’m going to shower. Then we’re going to go exploring with our friends because sleep is for the week and we’re not weak.”
“You say that now, but your exhaustion tomorrow will say differently,” you called out as he pushed himself off the couch to head towards the shower.
“Good thing I have someone that will let me sleep on their lap during the bus ride!” You let out a huff of air, rolling your eyes even though he couldn’t see from where he was already in the bathroom. Making your way over to his bags, you began packing up his clothes from earlier along with the miscellaneous objects that were strewn around the room.  You followed his request from earlier, grabbing his youth hoodie that you loved so much and throwing it over your light sweater for the arena. Immediately your body was filled with warmth, it truly was one of his warmest sweatshirts, and your nose was filled with his scent, not helping your racing heart. The night had barely started, but you had a feeling that your emotions were going to get you in trouble later on.
________________
“There is no way you can eat that entire churro in one bite, I refuse to believe it.” The six of you had only been out about 15 minutes before Brian decided he was already hungry and needed one of the churros from the stand just outside of the hotel. It had been decided that you would stop at the hotel with the rest of the crew to drop everything off before you would be able to explore around the city, which still wasn’t completely accepted by Andrew. 
“Oh really? Bring it on Baby Brash, how much are we betting?” Brian countered, the foot long churro already paid for and in his hand.
“Two dollars.”
“Ten.”
“Five.”
“Deal.” 
“You don’t think he’s really gonna do it, do you?” you whispered to Shawn, not wanting Brian to hear you and force you to join the bet.
“I don’t know, five dollars is five dollars. Brian’s not gonna give up that easily,” he whispered back, hands in his pockets as he watched Brian aggressively eat the poor churro. 
Two minutes later, Brian was five dollars richer and your small group was admiring the architecture of the city. You had taken more candid photos than you could count, with a new selfie of you and Shawn as your lock screen, a result of him hacking into your phone claiming this picture of you with both of your tongues out and cheeks squished together was the best photo the two of you had. Now you, Alessia, and Liv were currently sitting on the grass, watching as the boys attempted to climb up a structure on a playground they found. As they say, boys will be boys and even if they were all considered adults now, they were still boys through and through. “So when are you going to tell him you’re in love with him?” 
“What?!” you asked, eyes wide as you turned to Alessia, “What-what are you talking about?”
“Come on, you act like we don’t know about your crush on Shawn. You’ve literally told us before.”
“First of all, yes I have a crush on him, but I’m not in love with him! That’s crazy. And two, he’s my boss and he’s never going to know.” 
“Honey, have you seen the way you look at him? You’re in love, stop lying to yourself,” Liv reasoned, Alessia nodding her head in agreement next to her, “And also who cares if he’s your boss? The two of you practically act like a couple half the time, he probably feels the same way.”
“But you don’t know that,” you whined, throwing your head back in frustration, “He’s so kind to everyone, that’s just how he is.”
“You know he acts differently around you, he doesn’t do half the things he does with you around the rest of his friends,” Alessia tried to convince you, but you weren’t having it.
“No he doesn’t, you guys are just trying to convince yourself that my feelings aren’t one sided.”
“Whatever you say,” Liv rolled her eyes playfully at you, earning a light swat in the shoulder from you as you laughed.
________________
“When are you gonna tell her you’re in love with her?” Meanwhile, the three boys had successfully climbed to the top of the structure and were having their own soul discovering conversation.
“Bro, what are you talking about?” Shawn stuttered, staring at Brian who was smirking in his direction.
“You know, Y/n? The girl you’re literally drooling over and get hearts in your eyes anytime you look at her?” 
Shawn’s cheeks began to heat up immediately, his head dropping to hide his lovesick smile, “I don’t get heart eyes.”
“Yeah you do, man, I’m surprised she hasn’t said anything about how in love you are with her,” Connor chimed in, causing Shawn’s face to heat up even more.
“I like her, I obviously do, but I’m not in love with her. She’s one of my best friends, I’m not going to risk that to tell her about a silly little crush.”
“It’s obviously not a silly little crush if you act like a lovesick puppy around her.”
“I don’t act like a lovesick puppy around her!”
“Yeah, you do,” Connor snorted, trying to hide it with a cough.
“See, even Baby Brash sees it and he wouldn’t know love if it hit him in the face.”
Connor turned towards Brian, mouth wide open, “Hey, I know love.”
“Oh yeah?” Brian challenged, raising one of his eyebrows, “When was the last time you were in love?”
Connor stayed quiet, refusing to make eye contact with anything but the ground as he bit his lip in denial. “That’s what I thought, now Shawn you need to make a move!” 
“No,” Shawn shook his head, refusing to acknowledge his brain that was screaming love, “I’m not in love.” 
“Whatever you say.”
________________
“Ok everyone know the rules?” 
“What rules? It’s just first duo to get to the gazebo first wins,” you argued, watching as Connor shrugged his shoulders innocently. Currently you were on Shawn’s back as he held you like you weighed a feather, which you knew was far from the truth. Alessia was waiting to get on Brian’s back while Liv and Connor stood on the side, ready to run alongside the two pairs to judge who reached it first. You were convinced that with Shawn’s long legs you would win, but Brian was the one to suggest the race and he was talking a lot of smack. 
“If you know the rules so well then we should just start,” Liv pointed out, shooting a knowing look at Alessia as she jumped onto Brian’s back.
“Everyone ready? Three...Two...One...Go!” You squealed as Shawn took off with you holding on for dear life, laughing as he used his long leds to get an advantage. He laughed when you held on tighter, burying your face in his neck and fearing that he was going to drop you. You could hear the faint voices of Brian and Alessia behind you, convincing you that Shawn was well in the lead as the gazebo was only a few more feet in front of you. 
“We won!” he exclaimed breathlessly, releasing his grasp on your legs to let you slide off his back.
“Take that...Brian?” your voice trailed off as you looked around, not seeing the rest of your friends anywhere in sight. The two of you couldn’t even make out their figures in the area you left them, leaving the two of you more confused than ever, “Where... where did they go?”
“I don’t know, I swore they were right behind us…” Shawn reached into his pocket, silently cursing his friends when he saw the text from Brian on his screen:
Go get ‘em loverboy;)
“I think they left us here,” he sighed, leaning against the railing of the gazebo.
“Why would they do that?”
“Beats me.” You turned to face him and with the moonlight reflecting on your face, he swore you had never looked more angelic. 
“So what are we supposed to do? Call them, wait for them?” You shivered a bit when the wind began to pick up, Shawn immediately going into what one could only call protective boyfriend mode even if he had never admitted his feelings to you. 
“Come here, you’re cold.” He opened his arms up to you and you immediately cuddled into his warmth, the man was a walking heating furnace.
“How are you always so warm?” you mumbled into his sweatshirt as he rubbed circles onto your back.
“Don’t know, but it sure comes in handy when someone is always cold.” You nodded against his chest and he prayed that you couldn’t hear how loud his heart was beating from you being so close to him, “What do you say we just walk around for a bit and if we don’t see them, we just head back to the hotel?” Not knowing what else to do you agreed, unwillingly peeling yourself away from his warmth and taking his outstretched hand in yours. His large hand engulfed yours, but you couldn’t help thinking about how natural it felt to have his hand in yours. The two of you walked around for what felt like hours through the city, laughing and smiling so much that your cheeks were beginning to hurt. 
As the two of you began to head towards the hotel, you stumbled upon an older woman and who you assumed was her husband taking a nighttime stroll along the street you were on. “You two make such a cute couple!” The older lady gushed as you got closer to the two of them, “Do you remember when that was us, Hank?”
“Of course I do, honey,” the man responded, “I still love you just as much as I did back then. Don’t lose that you two.”
The two of you blushed, bashful smiles on your faces at the couples words. “Thank you,” Shawn spoke up, sending a kind smile to the elderly pair, “We promise we won’t.”
“Good, good. Have a nice night!” 
“You too!” You both called out, sending a friendly wave in their direction as they walked away. You both walked in silence for a couple minutes processing their words, you biting your lip as your nerves bubbled in your chest, “Do we really look like a couple?”
Shawn stopped walking, pulling you with him so your chest was facing his. “I mean, sometimes we kinda act like one,” he told you sincerely, eyes dropping down to his feet as he scratched the back of his neck nervously.
“Have you ever thought about it?” you asked quietly, your brain screaming at you for your foolishness while your heart beated proudly.
“About what? Us as a couple?”
“Yeah.”
“You want my honest answer?” He looked you in the eyes, grabbing both of your hands and squeezing them lightly while you nodded, fear pooling in your eyes, “All the time.”
“You do?”
“How could I not?” he chuckled , lifting one of your hands to rest over his beating heart, “You feel how fast you make my heart beat? You’re the only one it does that for.”
You lifted his free hand to place over your own heart, letting him feel the rapid tempo, “Mine does the same for you, it always has.”
“Do you want to try this…this us? Our friends tell us we act like a couple anyways?” 
You bit your lip slightly, a playful smirk on your face as you looked up at him through your lashes, “Shawn Mendes...are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”
“Maybe,” he teased, hands coming to rest on your hips while yours came to his chest, “If I was, what would your answer be?”
“I don’t know, I’d have to ask my boss if he’s ok with me dating a coworker. So what does he say?”
“He says yes for sure.”
“Then it’s a yes from me.” Shawn wasted no time connecting your lips to his, pulling your body closer to his to eliminate any more space. No amount of dreaming could have prepared you for how his lips felt on yours, they were so soft and your whole body felt aflame from the passion he was putting into the kiss. You sighed when you felt his tongue swipe ever so gently against your bottom lip, immediately opening your mouth earning a moan of satisfaction from him when his tongue finally met yours. You were so consumed by him you weren’t even worried about how paparazzi could be nearby or if a fan saw you and took a picture, all you could think about was Shawn, Shawn, Shawn. 
“I’m in love with you,” he mumbled between kisses, not wanting to part from your lips for even a second, “I’ve been in love with you so long I can’t remember not loving you.”
“I’ve always loved you too, Shawn. I’ve dreamed about this moment for so long.”
“Glad to know I’m not the only one that’s dreamed about you,” and as he continued to kiss you in the middle of the city, the moon shined down on the scene, the stars admiring the love that was only set to grow.
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dramaticsnakes · 3 years
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The Revived - Chapter 5: Domestic Peace
This is chapter 5 of the Dream SMP multichapter fic @rainbowbutterfrosting​ and I wrote together! I hope you’ll enjoy!
Also! We recently started up a discord server for the fic just for fun, so if anyone reading wants to come hang out with us and get updates on the writing and new chapters, here's a link!
Thank you to @ r0w3n-1n-d0ugh for beta-reading this chapter.
AO3
Read in order (on Tumblr)
Characters in this chapter: Wilbur, Ghostbur, Technoblade, Ranboo, Tubbo, Michael
Word count: 3651
Cw: medical treatment, pain, injuries, uncomfortableness, mentions of begging, mentions of burns, worry, cursing, implied anxiety, light discussions of food
Fic summary: Wilbur was alive, and it was such a magnificent feeling, that made his mind spark with anticipation. It didn’t take long, however, for Wilbur to realize that this new breath of life, was not just his own. An echo-y voice hides in the back of his mind, and before he knows it, the transparent version of him he saw at the endless train station, is a lot more ingrained than he’d expected him to be.
And Wilbur really shouldn’t care. Because he’d be damned, if he spent the life he’d awaited for so long, babysitting a lost cause of a ghost, stuck in the very same limbo Wilbur spent so long in. It was an even exchange, and one Wilbur wasn’t going to mess with. Why exactly he ends up setting out to get the ghost out of his mind, in order to save the both of them, however, is beyond him. And perhaps Wilbur’s past isn’t as easy to leave behind, as he’d hoped it would be.
If Wilbur had been asked to guess where he would be a few days after his revival, after thirteen and a half years in limbo at a train station,then sitting on the floor of a mansion, Technoblade looking right past him as he treated his burn wounds from the nether, would not have been his first thought. It was one of those experiences Wilbur had, where he felt as if maybe, he should’ve done more to avoid such a situation. Technoblade was holding Wilbur’s chin, barely having made eye contact with him at all. He was looking closely, as if Wilbur was not a person, but a broken table Techno had been considering putting out for a yard sale for years now.
Tubbo was still upstairs and had gone a little quieter since before Techno arrived. Ranboo was standing in the corner of the room as if he was trying his best not to be seen. A backpack stood beside Techno, and he rummaged through it, audible clicks of bottles coming from it. Techno poured some liquid on a piece of cloth and handed it to Wilbur silently. With a sharp exhale, Wilbur placed it against his burn. He heard Ghostbur hiss slightly but didn’t say anything himself.
“Why is everyone being so quiet?” Ghostbur asked, sudden desperation in his voice, “You- you didn’t leave, did you?”
Instead of responding, Wilbur placed his free hand against the floor and pressed down. Just as he’d suspected, he heard a relieved sigh from his mind.
“Did you say it was second-degree burns?” Techno asked, turning towards Ranboo.
“Ye- yeah!” Ranboo said, “From the nether.”
“Mhm.” Techno hummed, moving Wilbur’s hand away to get a good look at the burns. He rummaged through his bag once again and picked up a crimson red potion. He swirled it around, “I brought a potion.” he said, and while he didn’t look at Wilbur directly, it was the first time he had addressed him since he arrived, “But I’m not sure if you really need it.”
Wilbur scowled, though he wasn’t sure if Techno saw. It was an instant health potion, that Wilbur knew brought a great deal more pain than the ones of regeneration, that he knew for a fact Techno had at home too. He inhaled sharply, “Well,” every instinctual wording in his mind urged him to refuse, though the thoughts of Ghostbur’s screams once again plagued his mind. “I mean, it would be nice to have.”
Techno huffed, and added with precision: “I mean, after what you said this mornin’, I don’t think you really want it.”
Wilbur’s chest was burning with aggravation because he knew exactly what Techno was doing. Faint memories of the times, where playfulness would hide in Techno’s words, were present, though this was something different. This wasn’t just a game, but rather mocking. A spite that lingered in the air, leaving the tension unbroken. It would’ve been all the more reason to refuse Techno’s offer, if it wasn’t for the ghost, hearing every word.
“No! We do want it, right? It hurts still.” Ghostbur said the last part strained.
“...sorry,” Wilbur mumbled, barely audibly.
“What was that?” Techno asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I said fucking sorry,” Wilbur said darkly, and Ghostbur gasped.
“Could you repeat that?” Techno asked.
Wilbur breathed deeply with frustration, “I’m sorry, alright Technoblade? Is that what you want to hear?”
“Sure is a start,” Technoblade said, throwing the potion towards Wilbur, who barely managed to grab it in time. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of Ghostbur hearing the shrill sound of broken glass for the first time.
He uncapped the bottle, and took a sip from it, testing the level of pain he and Ghostbur would feel. It surprisingly wasn’t much, mainly a small pinch.
“If that’s how you’re gonna drink the potion then we’re gonna be here for a few years,” Techno began packing up the stuff into his backpack. 
Wilbur almost rolled his eyes but knew that maintaining a good relationship with Technoblade would be good in the long run. With that, he took a bigger sip, and once he swallowed he could feel the immediate burn of it going down his throat, where the pain transitioned into a pulsing feeling in his chin and hands. While Wilbur only winced, he could hear Ghostbur’s small pleas but tried to focus on anything that wasn’t him or the pain. He decided on the potion bottle itself. The glass bottle had some scratches on it that contrasted the red liquid inside that slightly sparkled. 
Once most of the pain was gone, Wilbur raised the bottle to his lips when Techno interrupted him, “Drinkin’ the whole thing at once will make it more effective.”
Wilbur knew Techno was right, but he didn’t want to admit it out loud. So instead he nodded in response, closed his eyes tight, and downed the whole thing. Wilbur regretted it immediately, closing his hand into a fist and punched the air, although it didn’t help much with his pain. 
What might’ve hurt more was Ghostbur’s cries from the almost burning sensation. “Wil- Wilbur, make it stop.” There was a sob at the end that painfully reminded Wilbur that Ghostbur had a lower pain tolerance than he did. “I- I know you can’t make it stop right now, but please do it soon.” Wilbur would have preferred Ghostbur to be angry at him for getting hurt in the first place over the apologies that he heard in his mind. They were quieter though, as it was a private conversation that Wilbur was never supposed to hear, but Ghostbur didn’t have anyone else to talk to so it must’ve been to him.
Most of the potion’s pain transitioned to his palms and his chin, the burning out of his throat now. A quiet, ‘fuck’ came out of Wilbur’s lips, tears threatening to spill out of his closed eyes. 
Techno stood up, grabbing his backpack and the bottle from Wilbur’s hand. He looked around the house, a confused look on his face, “Ranboo, isn’t this place a little big for a military base?”
Ranboo’s shoulders slightly went up, “Oh! It’s just uh- just in case we need to store more stuff.“
Techno walked towards the exit of the mansion, “That’s reasonable, but it’s three floors tall. I don’t think we really need that much space.”
Ranboo gave an apologetic glance towards Techno, avoiding looking in his eyes, “Well- I was thinking that we could mimic the look of a woodland mansion so that way people will be like ‘Oh that’s a woodland mansion, not a secret base!’ Y’know?”
Techno chuckled, “Alright, stay safe.” Although he looked at Ranboo when he said it, Wilbur could feel the words piercing through him. 
“We will!” Ghostbur cheered. Technoblade walked through the doors of the mansion and closed them behind him. 
Ranboo seemed to immediately relax, his posture becoming slightly looser than it was during his interaction with Techno. However, when Ranboo looked back at Wilbur some of his uncomfortableness returned. “So uh…” Anything Ranboo might have said died before it could reach Wilbur’s ears. 
A moment of silence stretched between the two before small thuds that sounded like quick steps littered the lack of sound between them. “What’s that?” Wilbur asked as he heard Ghostbur say it in unison.
Ghostbur gasped, “Jinx!”
Ranboo didn’t directly answer Wilbur’s question but muttered, “I should go check on Tubbo.” Wilbur nodded understandably, watching Ranboo go up the stairs two at a time. Seeing Ranboo walk so quickly reminded him that he had been sitting down for most of the exchange, and slowly stood up. However, black spots rippled his vision with his legs slightly shaking under him. He relied on the wall for support as it took seconds before everything felt normal to him again. He waited for anything from Ghostbur, but all he heard was the ghost humming a song to himself, which he took as a good thing. 
However, once he focused on the sound that he previously heard, he heard muffled snorts that he’d heard from Technoblade many times. 
“Is Techie still here? I thought he left.”
“I thought so too,” Wilbur whispered slowly. He walked up the stairs as quietly as he could, cringing when he heard one creak under him. As soon as he finished going up, he saw doors to his right labeled ‘Construction in Progress’ yet the noise seemed to be coming from behind there. He tiptoed next to the door, hearing muffled voices from the other side.
“We have to stop him before he runs off again.” The voice had a familiarity to it, Wilbur assumed it was Tubbo. However, the tone was clear with worry.
“I mean how would we even do it?” The voice was deeper than the previous one, yet it was laced with concern that mimicked the other. It was shakier than the other voice, but not by much. Only enough that Wilbur only noticed when he paid attention to it.
“I have this, but I’ve never tried it out before. I’ve just heard that it works.” 
Ranboo sighed, “Part of me feels like this is the wrong thing to do.” A strange melancholy was hidden behind it.
“It’s for his own good.” There was some kind of fabric rustle heard, two things softly colliding into each other.
“I know…” Wilbur could barely hear it, but he knew he needed to leave sooner rather than later.
“What were they talking about?” Wilbur resisted sighing at Ghostbur’s lack of understanding and settled on an eye roll. 
It had only been a matter of time, before someone would try such a thing, of course. Wilbur had had a big enough impact on history to be worth fighting, it seemed. And while he hadn’t expected it from someone like Tubbo, a lot could happen in thirteen and a half years. It was not the first time someone intended to target Wilbur with the strike of death, and being back for this long was perhaps an achievement on its own. Not that he was going to let them kill him, because he wasn’t easy to get rid of at all. Sneaking around by the door, he attempted to gain any information he could about it. Perhaps avoiding the strike, from one of his previous most trusted companions, was going to be exactly what he needed to regain his force and power. In fact, he was almost a little impressed and proud, that they had enough spine to attempt something so conclusive. That was the kind of certain drive and spirit, Tubbo had lacked back in L’Manberg.
But they weren’t in L’Manberg anymore. Tubbo kept his own secrets, or murder plans, behind closed doors. Wilbur couldn’t let Ranboo nor Tubbo know that he was listening. They were working together after all. He held his breath as he slowly walked down the stairs. Which step was the one that creaked? Wilbur cursed himself for not remembering, and gently pressed onto the step in front of him. He applied slightly more pressure, and finally, put his whole foot on it. He let out a breath when it didn’t creak, but felt it in his gut that the next one would make a sound. As Wilbur skipped the step directly in front of him, the step after that must have been the one that caused a creak as when he pressed most of his weight on it, it made a sound that wouldn’t have usually been loud. Yet, with most of the house remaining quiet it was the only thing to hear other than the whispers upstairs. Even then, those stopped when the sound played aloud. 
Wilbur flinched, as the door opened, Tubbo looking outside. He locked eyes with Wilbur, who wasn’t entirely sure what to do now. Perhaps his best call would’ve been to run, though running was such a dull way to solve anything. Then, despite the thousand reactions Wilbur would’ve expected, Tubbo gave a relieved sigh. “Oh! Hi again, Wilbur. I was a little jumpy there for a moment.”
Wilbur looked at Tubbo with disbelief. “Uh, well-” he said, still standing on the steps when he heard the same snorts from before, and soon, right behind Tubbo’s legs, Wilbur spotted a zombie piglin. And Wilbur truly didn’t have the slightest clue of what to say to that. Ranboo was standing awkwardly behind Tubbo, picking up the little zombie piglin, with a particular gentleness, Wilbur hadn’t quite expected either. “What?” he eventually ended up saying.
Tubbo chuckled nervously, playing with his hair. “I uh, I suppose I haven’t introduced you yet. Sorry for the secrecy we… We didn’t want Techno to… It’s a long story, but,” Tubbo gestured to Ranboo, who was holding the little one, “This is Michael!” Tubbo said, “Our… Our son!”
At the words, little Michael squealed with joy, as he jumped out of Ranboo’s hands rushing to the confused Wilbur, who managed to walk up the rest of the stairs right before the zombie piglin wrapped his arms around Wilbur’s leg. Wilbur stared at the child blankly for a few moments, blinking once or twice. Then, he started laughing, covering his face with his hands. He kept laughing, and as he looked up, he noticed Tubbo and Ranboo, looking at him confusedly.
“What was funny?” Ghostbur asked, interest in his voice, “Did someone tell a funny joke? Oh no, did I miss it? Also, was that Michael? I nearly forgot about the little guy!”
Those words just made Wilbur laugh harder, despite the staring. When he finally stopped, however, the zombie piglin child was looking at Wilbur expectedly. “Hello, Mi- haha- Michael,” Wilbur said, bending down slightly to pat the child on the head. 
“It looks like he likes you,” Ranboo said with a hesitant smile, his voice a little more confident than the other times Wilbur had heard him. 
Wilbur kneeled down while Michael was attached to his leg, but when the child saw the opportunity he ran into Wilbur’s open arms. Wilbur smiled as he reciprocated the hug and picked Michael up. The toddler wrapped his legs around Wilbur’s abdomen as much as he could while Wilbur held his back and bottom, resting his chin over Michael’s shoulder. The boy squeezed the back of Wilbur’s coat, but he couldn’t grab much due to his small hands. Wilbur realized in that moment that he would die for Michael if he had to.
“Aw, almost makes me wish I had a little brother growing up,” Wilbur softly said, hugging Michael to his chest.
Tubbo held a fondness in his eyes that Wilbur didn’t know if he’s seen before, “He’s our little angel.”
Ranboo quietly laughed to himself, “When he’s not trying to run away while we have guests that is.”
Tubbo chuckled, “I would drink to that if I legally could.” A look of realization came across Tubbo’s face, “Hey, little M, are you hungry?” He walked around so he was behind Wilbur and able to see Michael’s face. Part of him impulsively thought that Tubbo was going to stab him in the back, literally. Yet, he continued holding the boy, if he was going to kill him, he was going to go down holding Michael. 
When he felt Michael nod, Tubbo clapped his hands together. “Alright, how’s dinner gonna work tonight?”
“Well, you’re going to eat it, I swear- people can be so silly sometimes,” Ghostbur huffed in annoyance. Wilbur silently laughed knowing Ghostbur probably wasn’t making a joke.
Ranboo diverted his attention from Michael and brought it to Tubbo, “I’m guessing it’s going to be the usual routine of one of us cooking and the other taking care of Michael. We can bring out the steaks tonight since we’ve got a guest.”
Wilbur turned around so he could see Tubbo’s reaction, “Sounds good to me, I’ll get some carrots. Maybe cut a bit of steak for Michael...” Tubbo started to head down the stairs, “I better get started, you three have fun!”
Ghostbur gasped, “He’s finally including me!” 
Wilbur delicately broke the news of who the third person was, “So, Ranboo, is there anywhere Michael usually plays? Or runs around? I’m honestly not sure what kids do nowadays.”
Ranboo laughed, “We’ve got most of his stuff in the room we were just in, but he’s got a different room planned in the long-run.” Ranboo opened the door behind him, holding it open for Wilbur.
Wilbur smiled softly, “Thanks.” 
Wilbur looked inside the room and found a strange nostalgia in it despite it not being from his past at all. The walls were decorated in a mix of crimson and warped wood, some vines dangling from the ceiling, but few were low enough to grab. There was a small yellow bed in the corner of the room with blankets untucked and one of the pillows on the ground. There was a blue kids table in the center of the room, with some books and paper on it. Next to that, there were some wooden cabinets made out of birch. From one of the open drawers he saw a few toys that weren’t organized in any specific way.
Ranboo looked at Wilbur, a little calmer than before, yet he still seemed small. Wilbur had yet to talk to Ranboo alone, and he wondered exactly what kind of person had managed to get that close to Tubbo in all this time. That was not the first question on Wilbur’s mind however. “Before I came in,” he tried, “What were you discussing?”
Ranboo’s cheeks seemed to turn a faint red. “Oh.” he said, “Well, Michael kept running off, so we were uh, thinking about how to keep him near us. Just for his first couple of walks outside, you know?”
Wilbur had the urge to break out in laughter once again, though he managed to stick to a sudden huff and a smile. “Aha,” he said. So, the inevitable betrayal wasn’t coming from Tubbo and Ranboo. 
And Tubbo had a son. That was new. For a brief moment, the thoughts of his own son flashed across Wilbur’s mind. Though the more he let the thought linger, the more the bells of war seemed to ring through his mind, and he cut it off the second he could. Not now. 
Instead, he smiled contemplatively, “Is Techno your enemy?”
Ranboo looked surprised to have been asked such a question. “Huh?”
“Well, you seemed to hide something from him,” Wilbur said, raising his eyebrow, intrigued. His mind was buzzing with excitement, at learning more about the current political situation,  “You said this was a military base. Tubbo was clearly hiding boxes away.”
“Oh! Oh no no no.” Ranboo said quickly, moving his hands back and forth, to deny the claims, “I live with Techno actually, I… I trust him!”
Wilbur chuckled. “But not with the knowledge of your home?” he paused, another thought hitting him as he looked at Michael, “Or with your child?”
“No it’s-”
“Oooh!” Wilbur said, suddenly, perking up, “Unless it’s me, you’re hiding something from? Is it me?” he said, beginning to get a little excited.
Ranboo looked as if he’d been accused of something terrible. “No! It’s uh…” he took a deep breath as if he was calming himself, “It’s nothing like that, it’s just… We’ll tell him eventually, I mean, we have to, but…” he closed his eyes momentarily, and opened them again, “Snowchester is a bit of a government, you know? And Techno doesn’t quite… Like those?”
Oh. Now, that made sense perhaps. “So, he is your enemy?” Wilbur asked for clarification.
“No, we just… I don’t really have any enemies, per se…” Ranboo said quietly, “We just have to find the right way to tell him, is all. At uh…” He cringed, “At some point...”
“You don’t have-” Wilbur was baffled, and he started laughing again, “You don’t have enemies, you say?”
“No no, it’s more than that. Like-” Ranboo frustratedly sighed, “I don’t think enemies should be chosen because they’re on a different side. They should be chosen because they specifically hurt you or someone you care about. Like- Dream is an enemy.” Ranboo shrugged off the last sentence as if it was a universal concept that didn’t need an explanation.
Yet, that wouldn’t align with the facts. For one, that was a rather useless way to look at things. In a perfect world, choosing people would be possible, but this was anything but a perfect world. In truth, Wilbur wondered if Ranboo had the slightest idea what he’d believe in on his own, without the mutual enemy he could pretend was the only issue. And sure, Dream was against L’Manberg, but Wilbur had to admit that the man had proper reasons. He was wrong, but his reasons weren’t. Dream even brought Wilbur back to life despite all the trouble between them. “How can you just say that?” His tone quickly turned defensive as he didn’t realize that he was defending a man who wasn’t even in the room, “Dream revived me, is that something an enemy would do?”
A look of quiet shock came across Ranboo’s face that made him purse his lips and look towards Michael instead of Wilbur. However, this silence was returned back to him as Wilbur looked at him expectantly for an answer. After moments of thinking passed, Ranboo opened his mouth at the same time there were three knocks on the door. The door opened and Tubbo poked his head into the room and opened it, “Dinner’s ready!”
Michael snorted and wiggled out of Wilbur’s grasp. The toddler ran to Tubbo and tried to get past him and downstairs, making soft shoves that were ineffective, but the most he could do. The adorable scene almost distracted Wilbur from the fact that Ranboo didn’t answer him. 
Almost.
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ortizobsessed · 4 years
Text
Be Okay
This one was requested by @mycupoffanfictionreads!
Reader x Juice where you have a chronic illness that makes holding down a job difficult. When you admit to Juice that you feel like a burden having to rely on him so heavily, he reassures you there’s nothing to worry about.
Warnings: None!
Word Count: 1910
Masterlist
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“I’m sorry Y/N... I know this is out of your control but we need someone reliable on our team.”
Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time you’d heard those words one after the other. They were strung together so smoothly at each and every work place that you were starting to think there was a universal handbook for telling someone their medical condition was the reason they were being fired.
“Look, I want to give you one more shot, but we will have to move you to a part-time position.”
A momentary flutter of hope washed over you; part-time was better than nothing. “Okay, I understand. Thank you Mrs. Henderson.”
The soft smile and slight nod she gave you as you stood up was definitely part of the handbook, too.
The next couple months dragged on. You spent countless days curled up in bed, in so much pain you couldn’t move. Other days, when the pain was manageable, you found yourself overthinking things, stressing over what you would do next if you lost this job. With the number of times you had to call in sick, you knew your time at this job was coming to an end, just like the others.
Your boss called you into her office once again, and your heart sank.
Most of the conversation was a blur. All you could think about was how you were going to pay for rent and groceries, or the little things like your weekly movie nights with Juice.
In no time at all you were cleaning out your desk and hauling your stuff to your vehicle. You made one last trip up to make sure you hadn’t missed anything, and to say bye to your coworkers.
You were relieved to find the elevator empty. You pressed the button for the parking garage and pulled your phone out of your pocket, dialing Juice immediately.
“Hi sweetheart!” Although moments earlier you were ready to burst into tears, the sound of excitement in his voice, excitement over talking to his girl, helped keep them at bay.
“Hey- hey Juicy.”
He heard the hesitation in your voice. “Everything okay?”
You paused. “Yeah, yeah I’m good. How are you?”
He ignored your question; he could tell something was wrong. “Did something happen today?”
Tears were starting to well in your eyes again, “I’ll explain everything when I get home, okay?”
He answered reluctantly, “Okay... I’ll head over right away.” There was another pause as you tried to gather yourself. “I love you, Y/N.”
You let out an airy sigh and smiled to yourself, “I love you too, Juan.”
The line clicked and you took a deep breath as the doors opened. Stepping out of the elevator, you wiped away a single tear that had escaped. Digging for your keys in your bag, you pulled them out just as you made it to your car.
The drive home was a short one, thankfully, because the second you pulled into the parking stall at your apartment, the floodgates opened. The reality of what just happened, AGAIN, hit like a ton of bricks. Were you ever going to be able to hold down a job?
And Juice, oh gosh, Juice. Thinking about what he might say made your heart jump into your throat. What if he was tired of having to take care of you all the time? You didn’t know if you could handle any more bad news today, but that wasn’t going to stop you from telling him what happened. Though you had only been together for a little over a year at this point, Juice was the person you went to for everything. He was your other half, your soul mate, your best friend.
A few short minutes later you heard tapping on the window. Lifting your head out of your hands, you looked over to see Juice standing there, a concerned look on his face.
“Y/N! What’s wrong?!” His voice was muffled through the glass.
As you wiped away the tears that were still streaming down your face, you shut off your car and opened the door. Moments later you were in Juice’s arms, crying into his chest, unable to speak. He just held you tight, his chin resting on the top of your head, running his hands through your hair. “Shhhh- shh, shh, shh. It’s okay. Shhhh, it’s okay. I’m here. Everything is going to be alright.”
He had calmed you down enough times in the past that he knew to just let you get it all out; you would tell him what was wrong when you were ready. You weren’t sure how long you two had been standing there for, but he didn’t care.
The tears had finally stopped, and your breathing was slowly returning to normal. Pulling back, he kept his arms loosely around your shoulders and you noticed the wet marks on his t-shirt. For whatever reason, this made you laugh, and you welcomed it. A sincere laugh was just what you needed at that moment. Juice smiled right along with you, before suggesting, “let’s get you inside.”
You nodded, pressing the lock button on your car keys. Hand in hand, Juice led you up the stairs in your apartment building to your front door. Your hands were shaky, so he unlocked the door for you.
Once inside, you headed straight for the couch and slumped down.
“What’s wrong sweetheart?” There was concern in his voice, as he sat down next to you.
You were unable to look him in the eyes, so you just stared at your hands. “I lost my job today, Juan. I just- I don’t know what to do anymore.”
Juice clicked his tongue and sighed deep, feeling your pain as if it were his own. “Damn... I’m so sorry Y/N.” He paused. “Did they say why?”
You laughed at his innocence. He knew about your health issues, but not about the countless jobs you’d lost in the past because of it. Looking him in the eyes, you confessed, “I’m in so much pain, all the time, I can’t even get out of bed some days, never mind making it to work.” You could feel the tears welling in your eyes once again. “This isn’t the first time it’s happened either. Almost every job I’ve had in the past, I’ve lost because of this.”
You saw Juice’s shoulders drop, as he sighed deep once again. He dropped his head, looking at your hands as he wrapped his own hands around them. He sat there for a few seconds before looking up at you again, “We’ll figure this out. I promise. There has to be a job out there for you.”
You admired his perseverance. “Yeah,” you scoffed, “I just need to find somewhere where everyone else is sick all the time and I’ll fit right in.”
Juice’s eyes lit up, “I’ll ask Gemma if they need some help at TM! I’m sure she wouldn’t mind taking some time away from all the paperwork.” He continued through a light laugh, ”pretty much everyone there has had their fair share of health issues, so they would never hold doctors appointments and calling in sick against you.” You knew he was right. “And if they do, they’ll have to answer to me,” he added with a wink.
You couldn’t help but laugh, and Juice laughed right along with you. “That would be amazing Juice. Thank you. Maybe I could come with you tomorrow and talk to Gemma? Explain my situation?”
He nodded. “Yeah, that would be good!”
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. Less than an hour ago your whole world was crumbling around you, but here was Juice, picking up the pieces and gluing them back together.
“I’m sorry I’m always so needy,” you laughed, “I never wanted to be that person who relied so heavily on everyone else. I want to be independent, but my body has other plans. I just- I feel like I’m taking over your entire life. Do you really want me working that close? And be honest!”
“Well... HONESTLY-“ he said, jokingly mocking you, “knowing someone needs me is- well- it’s kind of nice.” He squeezed your hands. “I’ve been alone most of my life, you know that, so please, PLEASE, don’t ever feel like you’re a burden. It’s good to know that I’m needed- wanted.”
His words made your heart flutter. Maybe this is why you two worked so well together; your relationship was a very well balanced give and take.
You noticed a look of contemplation on his face. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but he stopped himself. You gave him an inquisitive look. “What is it?”
Looking you in the eyes, he smiled, as if assuring himself that what he was about to ask wasn’t really that crazy after all.
“Move in with me.”
The look on your face said it all. There was a split second of surprise, followed by a huge smile. You tightened your grip on his hands as you leaned forward and kissed him tenderly.
Lingering on his lips for a few seconds, you finally pulled away, and before you could say anything, Juice laughed and admitted, “I’ll take that as a yes.”
You were still speechless. Shifting yourself on the couch, you slid one leg overtop of his until you were straddling his lap, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. You felt his hands slide along your thighs, to your waist, and up your back. He enveloped you in his strong arms and nuzzled his face into your neck, breathing in deep. “Everything is going to be okay. I promise.” All you could do was pull him tighter, and he did the same.
You never thought it would be possible to feel this comfortable and accepted by another person. How was it that you had managed to find such a loving, and giving man?
“How about we don’t go to the theatre for our movie night this time. Let’s just stay in.”
You nodded in agreement, “I would like that.”
With a smile, he stood up, your legs still wrapped around his waist and his arms still holding you close. He playfully tossed you onto the couch on your back, making you giggle.
Leaning over you, he kissed you lightly.
“How about-“
He gave you a peck on the lips.
“You stay here-“
Another kiss.
“Pick a movie-“
He kissed you through a smile this time.
“And I’ll go make popcorn.”
He was waiting for an answer, so you responded in a similar fashion. Placing a hand on the back of his neck, you pulled him towards you, kissing him softly.
“I like-
You kissed him again.
“Your plan-“
Another peck on his lips.
“Mr. Ortiz.”
You kissed him once more.
He pulled away, a huge smile on his face.
“Deal-“
This time he kissed your forehead.
As he made his way to the kitchen to microwave some popcorn, you pulled the blankets off the back of the couch and turned on the TV. You scrolled through Netflix as the smell of popcorn filled the room.
“For my lady.” Juice said as he handed you a bowl that was overflowing with popcorn.
“Thank you, sir.” You responded as you took the bowl from him.
You two curled up under a pile of blankets, hand in hand, and watched movies until you fell asleep.
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casey-v · 4 years
Text
Waking up
Ethan x Casey
It’s just a fluffy one shot, set after the 30 diamond car scene of ch12.
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Finally I have another fic ready. I’m really busy right now so it took some time. Thanks to the encouragement of @starrystarrytrouble , that helped me to pull this through.
And again: english is not my 1st language, so please try not to notice the mistakes.
Word count: 1.5k
Disclaimer: all characters owned by PB
******
When Casey woke up, it was already morning, but it was quite dark due to the heavy clouds that were still sending pouring rain over Boston. Today, Casey didn’t mind the unfriendly weather and she didn’t care about anything going on outside her happy little bubble. She closed her eyes again and enjoyed the comfort of the cozy bed and especially the warmth of the sleeping body flush against hers.
She noticed that this was the first night without nightmares since the fatal tragedy that had taken place at Edenbrook a few days ago. The first night without fear. She smiled to herself, thinking about the reasons for her peaceful rest. First, there wasn’t enough time for a nightmare to evolve as she barely slept. And second, she felt so safe and protected by the muscular arms that held her tightly wrapped that it was impossible for any bad thoughts to get through to her while sleeping. She didn’t fool herself though, there would be bad nights again for sure, but right now all she could focus on was him, his scent, the feel of his skin under her touch, his breathing, his heartbeat…
She moaned quietly against Ethan’s chest when she thought about what had happened. After a ravenous and passionate time in his car, she had quickly run upstairs to her place to grab a few things and then they continued at his apartment what they had begun in the backseat of his car. Casey still couldn’t quite believe that she finally was here again, in his bed, in his arms, after all those months of waiting and almost giving up. Sure, there had been signs recently that his resistance was breaking, with the kissing, the TV interview and all that he had told her during the night of isolation.
But only now was she willing to let her happiness win over all the doubt and insecurities that had been with her all the time. Finally, he was ready to commit, and in her mind, she was listening to his words over and over again.
I can’t deny what I feel any longer. I want you, Casey. I’ve always wanted you.
When she felt him moving next to her, she put a soft kiss on his lips. “Wake up, sleepyhead. Aren’t you supposed to be at work already?” Still half asleep he mumbled against her shoulder. “Mornin’! I’m not supposed to be there that early. I usually like to be there early to get some work done.”
Ethan opened his eyes a little and smiled at Casey. “But usually there’s nobody there to keep me up all night.” Smiling at him coyly she answered, “then you may have to change your daily routine, because I intend to keep you up a lot in the future.”
To her surprise, all he said was “I’m looking forward to it.” She stared at him wide eyed. Was this Ethan Freaking Ramsey talking to her, world renowned doctor and workaholic? “That’s it? No work ethics, no conditions, no regret? Have you secretly switched with a lazy twin of yours?”
At first, he laughed at her remark, but then he got serious. “The only regret I have is that we didn’t do this a long time ago.” When his brows furrowed and he was about to go on, she quickly put two fingers on his mouth. “Shhhh, don’t dwell on the past. We are here now. That’s the only thing that matters. And for what it’s worth, we already know each other so well, you are my best friend. Most relationships” - she made a pause after the word relationship and expected him to flinch, but as he only looked at her expectantly she continued – “start with getting to know your partner and figuring out how the other one ticks. We already had that, we know that we can rely on each other. I trust you with my life, Ethan. I wouldn’t want to miss the time we spent together over the last year, even though it was hard sometimes.”
Ethan looked at Casey amazed, his eyes getting wet. How did he even deserve her? He had a bad conscience about all that he had done - or rather not had done - to her over the past month. He had treated her so bad, pushing her away all the time, he was full of regrets. But here she was, only seeing the positive side of things. He put a strand of hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek. “Have I ever told you how wonderful you are?” He didn’t even wait for an answer but pulled her flush to him and kissed her tenderly.
They relished their time cuddling and kissing until he gradually began to get a little restless. Although his priorities had shifted slightly, he still took his duties very seriously. Yesterday the team had gotten a new patient and he wanted to check how Baz and June had done with the diagnosis. But he didn’t want to admit that to Casey now. So he just tried to combine the pleasant with the useful. He tilted his head up to lock eyes with her. “Shower?”
She sniffed at him and nodded mischievously. “Yeah, you definitely need one.” Without saying anything Ethan just turned away from her and crawled out of the bed. She loved to tease him all the time, and of course he actually liked it, but for once he wouldn’t let her get away with it. He walked around the bed and stopped next to her feet. Apparently, she was unsure if she had upset him somehow. When he saw her concerned face, he had difficulties not to laugh.
Then, without warning, he quickly grabbed her by her ankles and pulled her out of bed. She was so surprised, that she didn’t even protest. And when he lifted her up and threw her over his shoulder, she started laughing uncontrollably and didn’t stop until he put her in the shower and turned up the cold water. Gasping for air she screamed "Ethan Jonah, I will let you pay for this.”
Their childish play made him so lighthearted, he couldn’t remember the time he last felt like that. But soon afterwards reality sunk in again and the shadows of the recent attack came back. While Ethan was getting ready for work Casey insisted on accompanying him. When he refused to take her with him, her voice got louder. “It’s not up to you to decide. You’re neither my boss nor my doctor right now. Here at home you’re my…”
They both stared at each other akwardly. Calling his apartment home felt odd but good at the same time. Surprisingly, he liked the idea a lot that one day it truly could be her home, their home. While he still thought about that, she silently finished “ … you’re my Ethan.”
He gently cupped her cheeks with his hands and whispered. “All three of them are worried about you. Take your time. No need to rush things.”
“But I’m afraid to be alone all day. Please let me come. I don’t want to deal with patients today, but I can stay in the office and do research for the team, read some medical journals, spend the lunch break with my friends. Just anything to occupy my mind.”
As Doctor Ramsey he knew that she shouldn’t run away from her fears. But as Ethan, he would be relieved to have her near him, where he could check on her regularly. After all, she wasn’t the only one still struggling with the aftermath of the attack. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that he had to watch over her constantly.
So he finally gave in.
They drove in silence. Casey felt an unease that spread in her chest as they got closer to the hospital and her confidence crumbled.
After parking the car they walked together to the front door. Hesitantly she stared at the entrance. Today, the large building looked threatening. It was silly, because until two days ago she stayed there as a patient. But now she was about to re-enter it as a doctor again and that was different.
“Do you want me to drive you home?” Ethan asked carefully. She shrugged. “Right now, I don’t know what’s worse. But I don’t want to back down.”
“Then come on, let’s go. You can do this.” He took her hand and squeezed it. Then he smiled at her shyly. “We can do this.”
Casey was still amazed at the change he had undergone the past week. Her eyes went down to their joined hands and then she sent him a questioning look. “What about ‘at the hospital we keep that line clear and bright’?”
“At the moment I don’t care. You need me, so I’m here for you.” His voice barely a whisper, he added “I’ll always be there for you.”
Smiling, Casey held on to his hand tightly and together they walked towards the revolving door.
--------------------------
Thank you for reading!
If you want to read more of my fics: You’ll find part 1 of my hiatus series here.
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sugarless--girl · 3 years
Text
Tender Hearted Fools
Tanjirou has been hit by a demon blood art that slowly freezes his heart. Zenitsu melts it.
This was done for a Zentan Secret Santa exchange over at the 'Gentle Scent and Sound' server! It came out way longer than I intended it to be tbh. I was hurrying to finish this but it just. Kept. Building.
Well, I got it done anyhow. Unfortunately, I did not get it beta-read so apologies for any mistakes. I suck at catching my own errors so it's entirely possible I have quite a few in there. Even so, I hope it's a good read!
This was done for Lisfranc over there! I hope you enjoy it, hun!
Read on Ao3
Tanjirou didn’t know how long he had been sitting there. The demon was long gone by now but her word’s rang clearly in his head.
“I’ll make sure you regret this! Even through my death—you took what was most important from me and now—! Now I’m going to make sure you’ll never feel anything again for the rest of your life!”
He had felt sorry for her—the tears in her red eyes had caused him to pause momentarily, causing her to get an attack in. It hadn’t hurt and that was what scared him the most.
What had the demon hit him with?
The thought lingered in his head as he slumped into a sitting position. And then he stayed there.
***
His chest burned. It felt like hours. Why wasn’t he moving?
Tanjirou tried to move his fingers and they cooperated, albeit slower than he would’ve preferred. It was discomfiting. There was a chill creeping through his body that felt colder than the snow surrounding him.
But the environment didn’t help either. The wet snowflakes that fell on his skin stung. It hurt. Why did it hurt?
Tanjirou needed to get back. Nezuko was waiting for him. But would she be upset to see him give up so easily at a bit of cold? Would she hate him? The piercing chill hurt his chest even more.
What would the others think? How would they react?
Shinobu’s scent of anger would turn toward him. Inosuke would yell at him and regard him as weak. Kanao would disregard him coldly and perhaps simply say nothing. Zenitsu would…
Would Zenitsu be disappointed in him if he laid here forever?
“Get up, idiot! Don’t fall asleep in the snow!”
The frigidness eased up. Tanjirou moved forward.
***
Tanjirou would stop every now and then when the frosty chill stopped him. Somehow thinking about disappointing others would make the ice in his heart grow more pronounced. He would touch his chest every now and then found it freezing. Was it all in his mind or was it real?
Thus, he decided not to think of the others.
Instead he thought of Zenitsu. Zenitsu with his bright smile, his obvious delight when complimented, his strong thighs that came from perfecting his Thunder Breath, his lovely yellow eyes, his—his—
And suddenly Tanjirou was running back to the Butterfly manor. A laugh startled from him once he realized that the cold had receded within him.
(Now, why was it that the thought of Zenitsu solved his problem?)
***
“So, you’re saying you can move now? Despite being unable to move before?” The skepticism was clear in Shinobu’s tone. “Were you doing anything in particular before you dealt with the demon blood art?”
Tanjirou scratched his neck. Zenitsu and Inosuke were hovering nearby, both clearly worried on his behalf.
“Not really? I mean, I was thinking of Zenitsu but—”
“What?!” Zenitsu’s voice rang loud in the clinic.
“Gonpachirou, what did that demon lady look like? The Great Inosuke will defeat her for you!”
Aoi smacked the two of them. “God, shut up both of you! Shinobu-sama, do you want me to kick them out? I’ll kick them out.”
Shinobu didn’t appear to pay the three of them any mind. “You—you thought of Zenitsu? Huh.” She leaned back and looked over him with an assessing eye. Her gentle smile was gone and instead an expression of intrigue was in place.
“I—yeah. Is that weird?”
“Wh-what does that even mean?” Zenitsu’s face had a pink tint to it and Tanjirou couldn’t help but admire how it lit up his features. The smell of mortification wafted from him and he only felt a bit sorry that he had embarrassed his friend in such a way.
“It depends. Do you mind telling me about the demon once more? I believe I may have heard of her before.”
Tanjirou nodded. “Okay, well she wore...”
***
Shinobu thoughtfully tapped her chin as Tanjirou finished the description of the woman. Zenitsu watched him with wide, terrified eyes (he hated seeing his friend in distress). Aoi struggled to keep her annoyed expression on but her worried scent gave away her true thoughts. And Inosuke—well the boar head didn’t show much but his scent had vague hints of protectiveness and a whole lot of competitiveness.
It warmed him to see that his friends were still who they were. That they still cared.
(Why wouldn’t they?)
“I’ve heard of this demon before. I believe she terrorized many humans before the Demon Corps got involved. From that point on, she hid so that she wouldn’t encounter any of us.” Shinobu got up and walked to grab some medical supplies. “From what I’ve heard, her demon blood art is a slow-acting one. It slowly kills those that have been hit with it.”
“So Tanjirou’s gonna die?” Zenitsu worried his lips. The pink tongue that darted out distracted Tanjirou momentarily but Shinobu pulled his attention back once more.
“Possibly. It all depends whether or not we kill the demon first. Or—” Shinobu hesitated. “There’s a back-up option based on the rumors I’ve heard. It’s turned into a bit of a legend actually.”
“Legend?” Tanjirou prompted.
Shinobu placed the medical supplies next to him with pursed lips before quickly plastering on her typical smile. “Well, let’s not rely on any myths, okay? I’ll send out Inosuke and Kanao to take care of the demon. The two of them should be able to handle it!”
“What about Monitsu! He’s strong when he’s asleep!”
“There are so many things wrong with what you just said! First of all—”
“I’ll have to keep Zenitsu around for...well, backup. There’s a couple things I need to test.” Shinobu’s smile was mysterious and her scent lost a bit of the anger before intensifying. Tanjirou didn’t know where her anger was directed at. Toward the demon? Or...toward him?
The chill started creeping back in.
“Shinobu-sama, should I help with you on the tests and such?” Aoi said, pulling Tanjirou out of his strange thoughts once more.
“Ah, yes. I’d appreciate that. Aoi. Now, off you go, Inosuke-kun! Kanao should be out in the front!” Shinobu said, smiling at the boy with a board head. She turned back to Tanjirou. “Now then, shall we get some tests done?”
***
Inosuke and Kanao were gone. Tanjirou didn’t know why he knew this but as he laid in bed with a dull ache ringing through his chest, he figured it had to do something with the blood demon art that he was stuck with.
No one was left in the infirmary. Shinobu insisted on keeping him under observation for a few days longer. Truthfully, Tanjirou felt guilty even taking up her time. 
Useless.
The coldness of his inner thoughts shocked him. He blinked his eyes open and sat up on his bed. The room was dark and cold. So cold. Was it always this cold?
The warm glow coming from underneath the door seemed even more distant than usual. Tanjirou wanted to get up and go to it but he couldn’t. His body felt too heavy. The chill brought up an impervious tiredness within him. It felt impossible to fight.
He fell back onto his bed and slept fitfully. 
***
Tanjirou awoke to a chill seeping through his bones, into his very core being. He shivered but the slight movement wasn’t enough to affect any of the despairing cold he felt then and there.
He heard whispering. Or rather whispered shouting. “—You need to trust Shinobu-sama! And me! She wouldn’t make you do something you absolutely didn’t have to.” That sounded a lot like Aoi and Tanjirou only confirmed moments later with his nose. For some reason, his sense of smell was dulled greatly. It was disconcerting.
“I do!” That was definitely Zenitsu. He could smell the distinct scent of peaches and peach blossoms that belonged to the lightning user. “And don’t like—you’d absolutely make me do something I didn’t have to do, just to have one up on me!”
“Okay, but this isn’t a situation I’m trying to be petty—”
“So, you admit it!”
“Shut up, idiot!” Aoi and Zenitsu both smelled tense. Tanjirou, still groggy from the sleep and chill, tried to piece together the situation. “You need to trust that I’m not trying to get back at you or something equally stupid. This isn’t the time for that.”
“But, I—”
“I know that none of this is…good.” Zenitsu let out a snort but Aoi seemed to forge on ahead. “—but Shinobu-sama believes this will save Tanjirou.”
Save him?
Zenitsu let out a frustrated sigh. “Are you sure that the demon can’t—”
“Inosuke and Kanao are doing their best on the mission. But just in case—don't give me that look! Just in case worse comes to worse, you have to do your part. You want to help Tanjirou, don’t you?”
“...God, you’re sounding more and more like Shinobu-sama everyday.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” The tension seemed to diffuse from the room and Tanjirou opened his eyes figuring it to be the right time to enter the conversation.
The two stood near the doorway to the medical center. Early morning light filtered through the windows, casting delicate shadows. Tanjirou was sorry to be bundled up in his blankets as his favorite thing to see was the light weave through Zenitsu’s blonde hair. They looked especially luminescent in the morning hours. But the chill gripped him and he stayed in bed under many layers of blankets.
“Aoi, I don’t know if I can do this.” Zenitsu sounded so defeated. Tanjirou wanted to scoop him up and bundle him in his own blankets. Perhaps cuddle with him near a fire.
“You can and you will.” Aoi sounded confident at least.
“Do what?” Tanjirou asked, breaking into the conversation. It was best to let them know he had been eavesdropping after all. He hadn’t meant to let it continue this long but the grogginess of waking up and the coldness crawling through his veins made him slow to react.
Zenitsu let out a shriek that earned a yelp of surprise from Aoi. The girl smacked Zenitsu on the arm (she could only reach up there when they both were standing upright) in retaliation.
“T-tanjirou! How much did you hear?”
“Tanjirou, how are you feeling?” Aoi said, cutting off Zenitsu as she went to Tanjirou’s side. She laid a hand on his forehead, withdrawing it almost immediately. “Wow, you’re—”
“Cold.” Tanjirou said, punctuating it with a weak laugh. “I think this is the demon blood art—”
“I was there yesterday, too, you know.” Aoi said, making her way to the medical equipment stored in the cabinets. As she prepared for the tests, Zenitsu made his way to Tanjirou’s cot. The brunette didn’t want to leave the relative warmth of his blankets (relative, as it was hardly enough) but he put out a hand for Zenitsu, regardless.
The young blonde man only hesitated for a moment, before taking it. He winced at the icy grip of Tanjirou’s fingers but didn’t pull away. For that, Tanjirou shot him a smile.
Zenitsu looked even more upset.
“Are you okay?” He asked which seemed to upset Zenitsu even more.
“Am I okay?! I should be asking you that! Shinobu-sama said that you’re suffering from some fucked up revenge curse from the demon!”
“I mean, I think it’s just a blood art thing? But it should be taken care of once Inosuke and Kanao capture her.”
Zenitsu’s eyes fell. “You heard us.” He sounded stricken.
“J-just a little. I heard that you have to do something and those two went to take care of the demon in the meantime. I’m really sorry about that. I promise, I’ll try to be more careful next time.” Tanjirou clutched and Zenitsu’s hands more tightly and felt a gentle squeeze back in return.
“Alright...that’s fine I guess. But, Tanjirou—! Aren’t you—! Isn’t it—!” None of his statements followed through but Tanjirou waited patiently all the same.
“I’m fine, Zenitsu.” The blonde shot him a murderous glare. Tanjirou could only laugh as Zenitsu’s glare was really adorable. Like a kitten trying to look scary—the lightning user was only ever intimidating in battle. And even then, that was more cool than anything. “Okay, okay, I’m not totally fine. But Shinobu-sama will figure it out, right? If not her, then Kanao and Inosuke will deal with the demon and that should solve whatever ‘curse’ thing I’m stuck with.”
Zenitsu didn’t look convinced. Instead, his scent seemed to grow more distressed.
Tanjirou frowned. He hated seeing the other stress. (Although, Zenitsu constantly stressed about everything, so really, Tanjirou was asking for a lot here.)
“Alright, sit up.” Aoi said, interrupting whatever Zenitsu was about to say. He looked relieved and disappointed all at once. “Let’s run some tests and then get some food in you. Sound good?”
“Yeah, I’m fine with that. As long as it’s, ah, warm?”
“Way ahead of you. Zenitsu, are you staying?” Aoi shot the other boy with a significant look. Zenitsu dithered before pulling a chair beside Tanjirou’s bedside.
Strange. Aoi hated it when Zenitsu (and Inosuke) hovered over her shoulder as she did her work. But Tanjirou wasn’t going to question it, now. Not when Zenitsu’s company appeared to help him fight the chill. Or maybe the cold had all been in his mind? That certainly was a possibility.
Either way, Zenitsu’s company was...nice. And Tanjirou appreciated it.
He shot Zenitsu a beaming smile, ignoring the icy grip on his heart. Zenitsu returned it, albeit weaker than usual. Strange that Tanjirou’s heart stuttered at that.
***
Tanjirou woke up with a start. He was freezing. He had been sleeping so much. He was just so cold.
The dream lingered in his mind even after he shook the grogginess away. Usually they slipped by fast. But this time it felt as though it was impossible to shake off.
“How about I show you what betrayal I faced? The unrequited feelings I dealt with? I didn’t deserve any of this! And yet—I’m still here!” The demon’s words prior to her attack rang in Tanjirou’s head, loud and clear. The pain was evident in her cold features. But it was her following words that were the most notable to the demon slayer.
“You won’t be able to feel anything after I’m through with you! Nothing will save you from my blood art! Not even a lover’s touch!”
Had she said that? Why couldn’t he remember?
What was happening?
“Tanjirou?” Zenitsu entered the room. “Are you alright? I heard a—”
“I’m fine!”
Zenitsu smiled and cold grew even more pronounced.
“A-are you sure? You know you can tell me anything…”
“I know, I know. I didn’t mean to make you worry.” Tanjirou sighed. “I just woke up from a nightmare. I don’t—I don’t really know what to make of it.”
“What was it about?” Zenitsu said, stepping closer. Tanjirou smiled.
“Um, it’s a bit depressing? Maybe—”
“You don’t have to talk about it! I was just giving you the option!” Zenitsu came to sit beside Tanjirou’s bed. With him so close, Tanjirou could feel the warmth of his proximity. Were lightning-breath users normally this warm? Electricity burned stuff, right?
“Thanks Zenitsu! But really, I’d rather not linger on it you know?” The dream had been disconcerting. “Why don’t you tell me about your day instead?”
“Are you sure?” The worry was evident on Zenitsu’s face. Tanjirou wanted to brush away the stress lines that were already forming. He didn’t want his friend to worry so much. “I mean, if you wanna hear about Aoi bullying me then alright.”
“It’s more interesting than what I’ve been doing.” Tanjirou said with an easy smile. It was odd at how he was able to smile despite the nightmare he had just felt.
“Okay, so Aoi thinks that my hair is fake so she—”
Tanjirou felt lighter than ever listening to Zenitsu’s story. But something still tugged at his heart.
***
Tanjirou woke up.
It was starting to get tiring to wake up to a dead coldness in his bones. He hoped Inosuke and Kanao could make their expedition faster as the chill was getting more and more unbearable.
He couldn’t muster it in him to move until the scent of peaches hit his nose. How did he notice it before? 
“Zenitsu?” He called out, voice quiet. It was becoming difficult to get a grasp on the time due to how much he was sleeping. He could differentiate between day and night but it was difficult to tell what time it actually was. 
The room was dark and he could barely make out the silhouette of his friend. Zenitsu’s head appeared to be slumped over on the bed covers, his arms serving as pillows. Tanjirou could barely make out the blonde hair but he reached out and touched it.
It felt soft. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to him—Zenitsu took care of himself pretty well. Perhaps he expected the jagged locks to feel harsh due to the way it was cut but that clearly wasn’t the case. Something tight in him unfurled as Zenitsu let out a puff of air, snuggling into the bed covers.
Tanjirou moved, ready to pull Zenitsu into his bed—surely it wasn’t comfortable sleeping like this—and winced. God, it hurt. It hurt so much.
The inner corners of his eyes pricked with involuntary tears of pain. He gritted his teeth as an icy sharpness kept hammering at his chest.
He didn’t realize how shallow his breathing was until he felt an arm on his back stroking him. “Breath, Tanjirou. Come on, you know how to do it. Breath with me.”
“I—” But Tanjirou couldn’t choke out any more words.
The arm on him drew back and Tanjirou felt even colder.
“Tanjirou, c-can I—” Zenitsu began, waiting for permission that Tanjirou didn’t understand. Somehow he just felt hurt.
Tanjirou clutched at his chest when he felt the bed shift. He felt arms encircle him and Zenitsu pulled Tanjirou’s head to rest against his chest. He could smell the scent of embarrassment wafting off of him but Zenitsu held him tight.
Being in his arms was like being inside a kotetsu. Or taking a warm bath. Or coming back home. It felt like all of those things and more. 
The room was quiet. Until Zenitsu coughed. “U-um, does this help?”
Tanjirou blinked. The sharpness in his chest receded. “Yes? I mean, it does. Huh.” He pulled back and immediately winced, the pain coming back immediately.
“Wait, hold on!” Zenitsu moved to settle in the bed next to Tanjirou and pulled him back in his arms once he was positioned comfortably. “Shinobu-sama said that, uh, cuddling helps?”
“Really?”
“T-the legends, say that you know….”
“What do they say?” He wished he had heard of the legends prior to meeting the demon. Maybe he should’ve done more reconnaissance in the area before he decided to fight her.
“Well, um, that being close to people helps?” Zenitsu’s voice sounded unsure. If that didn’t give it away, his scent held a tinge of deception beneath it. Tanjirou wrinkled his nose. It wasn’t an intolerable smell, but it felt….wrong coming from Zenitsu. “Do you feel better?”
“...yeah, actually. Did Shinobu-sama tell you anything else about the legend? Why didn’t she tell me?” 
“You were sleeping! It would’ve been bad to disturb you!”
That sounded too much like an excuse and it was apparent that both of them were aware of this as Zenitsu brushed it aside and moved ahead.
“Anyway! You should go back to sleep. Shinobu-sama said that conserving your energy was the most important thing to do while we wait on Inosuke and Kanao. And don’t argue with me!”
“I wasn’t going to.” Tanjirou said with a slight chuckle. It was muffled as he circled his arms around Zenitsu’s waist. God, he was so warm. “I promise, I’m doing my best to rest. It’s just—well, everything just feels so cold, you know?”
“...I’m sorry you’re dealing with this on your own. I should’ve been there to—!”
“Hey, hey, hey, what’s this about? I was sent on a mission and I got caught up in it. It’s not like you could’ve predicted my failure.” Even as he said this, he felt a sharp stabbing sensation in his chest.
“Tanjirou? Are you—?”
“Hold on.” Tanjirou muttered. He slowed his breathing until the pain receded. His breath helped him focus on Zenitsu’s peach blossom scent which centered and anchored him.
They continued to clutch each other—Tanjirou, like a man hanging onto a life raft, and Zenitsu, terrified and shaken.
“Y-your heart. It sounds….muffled. I mean, your sound is always so—it’s always there but this time it’s not and-and it’s just so—”
Zenitsu was truly scared for him. This shouldn’t have warmed Tanjirou so much but it did all the same.
“I’m sorry—”
“Why are you apologizing! Stupid Tanjirou!”
“But, I am! I didn’t mean to worry you!”
“You’re not worrying me, idiot!”
“But, I can smell it on you?”
“Didn’t I tell you to stop smelling me?? Why do you keep doing things like this!”
“Sorry, sorry!” Tanjirou said, punctuating his apology with a laugh.
“Hmph.” Zenitsu pouted but he pulled Tanjirou closer all the same. “I’m not going to forgive you until you learn to take better care of yourself.”
“Alright, I’ll be more careful next time.”
“You’d better be! You can’t leave Nezuko-chan behind with your carelessness! Who’s supposed to take care of her if you die? Me and Inosuke?? We don’t know how to take care of girls! Inosuke would probably teach her all the wrong things! And Shinobu-sama is too busy! Kanao and Aoi maybe but...” Zenitsu began muttering under his breath how well of job Kanao and Aoi would do, coming to the conclusion that no would take care of Nezuko as well as Tanjirou did.
Tanjirou blinked. When had Zenitsu changed his song from ‘marrying Nezuko and taking care of her’ to just ‘taking care of her?’
“You don’t want to marry her, anymore?” He blurted out, unable to keep the surprise from his tone.
Zenitsu stopped and stared at Tanjirou, eyes wide. “You—what? You think I still….like Nezuko-chan?”
“Yes?” The two continued to stare at each other before Zenitsu snorted and flopped back onto the bed, taking Tanjirou with him.
“I shouldn’t be surprised but I am.” Zenitsu sighed. “I don’t like Nezuko like that anymore. I mean, she’s great and all but…”
“But what?”
“...nevermind. Anyway, Tanjirou! It’s time for you to sleep!”
“I wanna hear the rest of what you were about to say!”
“Who says I have more to say??”
“Don’t you?”
“Just go to sleep Tanjirou!” Tanjirou stared. Zenitsu was underneath him and Tanjirou’s chin was on the other boy’s chest. “W-what?”
“Are you gonna stay?” The stinging sensation in his chest sharpened but not so much it was unbearable. 
“I-I, yeah. If that’s okay with you?” Zenitsu appeared strangely shy all of sudden. But Tanjirou wasn’t about to make him feel self-conscious all of a sudden.
“Absolutely. Do you wanna talk or—”
“Sleep, Tanjirou!” Zenitsu huffed, a bit of fire returning to him. Tanjirou wished there was more light so he could see the golden sparks in his eyes. “You need to rest!”
“Okay, okay.” Tanjirou conceded, moving to get comfortable. Zenitsu didn’t let go of him once. It should’ve occurred to how odd it was to cuddle with a friend like this but it felt so natural, so right that he didn’t bother to stop and think. Why would he when it all felt like a dream?
They were both on their sides, Tanjirou with his arms around Zenitsu’s waist and the other boy’s arms around his shoulder’s cradling Tanjirou to his chest. It felt warm. It felt right.
“Night, Zenitsu.”
“...Night, Tanjirou.”
***
Tanjirou woke up. It was freezing. He bolted up as a piercing sting shot through his chest.
God, he was so tired of this. How many times over was this going to happen to him? When would Inosuke and Kanao finish the demon off? Was he becoming more callous with time?
“Tanjirou?” Zenitsu mumbled. He rubbed his eyes and squinted, trying to make out Tanjirou’s expression through the cutting darkness.
Tanjirou couldn’t speak. He could barely even breath. Even his breathing techniques weren’t helping him here. Real panic was crawling up his skin and pinpricks of cold sweat dotted his pores.
“Tanjirou?” Zenitsu said, louder now. He got up and took Tanjirou’s icy hands into his. “What’s wrong? Your hands are freezing!”
“I-I—”
“Can you—what’s—” Zenitsu’s anxiety was contagious. Normally, it wasn’t—Tanjirou could easily balance out Zenitsu’s neuroticism—but this time he felt every single emotion the blonde was facing.
“Zen—” He could barely make out another word before Zenitsu took his face and kissed him.
Immediately, the bitter cold subsided.
Tanjirou let out a gasping breath, trying to suck in as much air as possible. He pulled back and stared at Zenitsu incredulously. “Zenitsu, wh—”
“It’s because of the legends!” Zenitsu’s face was now beet red. “The legends are, you know…..”
Tanjirou continued to stare, gobsmacked.
Zenitsu looked up through his lashes. The beginning of light was making its way into the infirmary. It wasn’t coming fast enough as Tanjirou wanted to drink Zenitsu's every expression. His heart was pounding fast, the rhythm seemingly melting whatever demonic curse was cast on him.
The glacial presence in his chest no longer seemed to be chipping away at him. Tanjirou didn’t even pay attention to whatever numbness was left.
“What—” Tanjirou licked his lips, chasing the taste of Zenitsu before continuing. “What legends?”
“Shinobu-sama said that-that the demon, she—” Zenitsu appeared unable to parse through his thoughts but Tanjirou wasn’t about to interrupt him. He wanted to know what that kiss had meant. “T-the legends say that she terrorized people because she lost someone she loved. And because she’s a huge romantic, or whatever, the only thing that could break her curse is a loved one’s kiss, or whatever. Personally, I think a condition is dumb—”
“You love me?”
“I—Tanjirou!”
“Y-you said, true love’s kiss could break the curse and—”
“I said a loved one’s kiss! That’s not the same!”
“But do you—do you love me?” Tanjirou could barely get the words out. He was terrified.
“I—I guess….”
“You guess? You’re not sure?”
“Okay fine! I like you!” Zenitsu glared at him but it was somewhat ineffective due to the sheer embarrassment radiating off of him. “I….sorta even, maybe, love you.”
Tanjirou stared, hardly believing his luck.
This didn’t seem real. He didn’t feel deserving of this. Zenitsu, shouldn’t have—He didn’t realize he’d ever be given something so precious like this. But, all the same...
“Wh—Tanjirou! Why are you crying?” Zenitsu flailed, worry obviously etched onto his face.
“I’m not sad, don’t worry.” Tanjirou said, rubbing away the sudden tears. It had been unexpected and caught him off-guard. But he felt relieved all the same.
The ice frozen around his heart was fully gone. It didn’t register to Tanjirou, at least not consciously. He just felt...fulfilled.
“I thought—” Zenitsu started but Tanjirou cut him off with a quick kiss.
He pulled back, almost immediately. “Sorry, sorry! I couldn’t help it! Was that okay? I should’ve asked.”
Now it was Zenitsu’s turn to look shocked. “I—I just confessed to you! And now you’re asking me if it’s okay to kiss me?”
“Well, it’s important to ask for permission. Right?” Tanjirous asked with a teasing smile. Zenitsu just pursed his lips.
“Okay but are you accepting it or—?”
“I like you too, Zenitsu. I like you a lot, actually. It’s probably love but I’m not too sure.”
“Not too sure??” Zenitsu looked a mix of annoyed and pleased. “What do you mean you’re not too sure??”
“I mean, it just occurred to me that what I felt for you was, well, romantic. I guess, I didn’t connect the dots until you mentioned it.”
Zenitsu just stared. “So, you just figured it out…?”
“Uh, I think so?” Tanjirou let out a self-conscious laugh. “I mean, I thought you liked Nezuko this whole time! So, I guess I just didn’t let myself...feel for you in that way. But it’s okay! It happened anyway!”
“...You are unbelievable.”
“Is that a good thing?”
Zenitsu simply answered him with a kiss.
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