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astrum99 · 3 months

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The thing about freedom is that no one tells you how hard it is.

It should be exhilarating, it should be freeing, it should be the best thing he had ever experienced.

But he found himself missing control. Concrete constraint over his acts; tasks lined, sequenced, culling the creatures of hell in clear arraignments. He did not have to reason every decision, only to deliver justice as a faithful blade. Complete confinement removes the burden of the self. The control from the council cast upon him, and it cut away the part of himself that he did not realize existed.

Perhaps he did, but non-acknowledgement is always easier than to grieve the loss of it. Plus, to deny cravings is to provide proof of perfect devotion.

So, he thought of nothing and equated kindness to killing.

And when it crashed down upon him, there was no longer a home (a prison; the sheath of a bloody sword) to return to. What reverberates inside him is not relief, but grand, grotesque grief. Over his past transgressions, over the slaughter of his superiors, over the loss of control. He knew not to seek fruitless redemption, but that did little to quell the restless regret occupying the same small space between the dips of his ribs as the looming giant of emptiness nesting in the crevice between the lungs and the skin.

And the shame. Oh God, the shame.

Somewhere below the small abstract concepts of “right”, “just”, and “fair”, it festered and spread, stretched like tendrils into veins, then capillaries. It crawled into him until he wished to shed his skin. Introspection did little to help. It fed this insistent infection abundantly until he was paralyzed – spiralling in the limitless expanse between each letter of F, R, E, E that was somehow still needle-thin enough to squeeze his lungs until breathless.

Logically, he knew he should not be ashamed for delivering one final justice, for the total liberation of all that still exists. It was the only choice he was given, and he chose what was just.

He did not regret his actions, but that did not mean he was not hurt and haunted.

So all of it does little to quell the spill of thorned vines in his veins. Shame was jagged and cruel, aggressive betrayal born from the same place that once hosted the holy Light. Between hell’s stagnant air and the sharpness of silence, it slotted firmly into the depth of his psyche, steadfast and unwavering like faith. They snagged and sliced his flesh at every movement until reality flayed apart at the edges of his mind. When he was still, he had the sensation of falling.

Was this the damnation?

To suffer in freedom in the last few hours of his life? To experience all and thrash under the terribly tangled amalgamation of emotions unfamiliar and frightening? To falter in the complex contradictions at the core of all creations and come undone by the simple brutality of it?

To see into reflections on his swords and unable to recognize the self that stared back?

How ironic, to be free from chains and miss them profusely so; to be released and realize your incapacity to function without imprisonment. Freedom is the absence of restraint, and he found himself lost within the infinite abyss.

When he looked inside of himself, he found the same chasm confined under the thin layer of skin. It swallowed him whole.

#giving my malewife babygirl slop of a top tier omega man crisis once again #<- sorry u had to read this sentence #i just got enough sleep to make up for my sleep debt this week i have no excuse #anyways #ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #az thoughts #i actually started writing this and promptly forgot abt it last week bc uni is once again picking up speed #it is only when i wrote that previous post i was like wait i had something i was writing abt #i am getting ran over under the wheels #anyways i love giving him religious guilt <3 its enrichment

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yuemmo · 1 year

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these aren’t for you

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #kitsune dazai #bsd ango #sakaguchi ango #dazango #buraiha trio #drawing #art #fanart #illustration #im stoppid i finished this and then promptly forgot abt it for two days

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ninjas-and-coffee · 1 year

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~...airplanes in the night sky are like~💀

This is 100% platonic trust me bro

#drew this in like november then promptly forgot abt it #ninjago #jay ninjago #jay walker #cole brookstone #cole ninjago #bruiseshipping #geodeshipping #ninjago fanart #coffee art

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nazuna-tunnel-vision · 2 years

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Izumi/Nazuna propaganda post

in celebration of the IzuNazu in Nazuna's FS2 4*, here’s a quick rundown on their relationship!

they haven't gotten much attention since Tennis Club no longer exists, but Izumi & Nazuna are so wholesome and funny please join me in my izunazu brainrot

The Basics: Tennis Club

Izumi & Nazuna were in separate classes in their 3rd year, but in the same Tennis Club with Tori & Yuu-kun. Izumi joined just to see Yuu-kun, but this simply resulted in Yuu-kun skipping every now and then to avoid Izumi. When Izumi doesn’t get to play with Yuu-kun, he bullies Tori instead. Tori is screaming and throwing hissy fits. He's trying to order people around, but this fails because Izumi is equally self-centred and orders him right back (Izumi also succeeds. He enjoys making Tori run after stray balls). Yuu-kun is too busy screaming and running from Izumi. Nazuna’s the captain because none of the rest can do that job. He has his hands full trying to manage the two huge egos that are Izumi & Tori, plus Makoto's anxiety. The club is always on the verge of exploding. Read Doctor’s Coat.

That said, Izumi & Nazuna are still good friends! You can see this in how they call each other; it's very in line with how they address every one else they consider friends. Nazuna calls Izumi "Izumi-chin" and Izumi calls him "Nazunyan". Which is the CUTEST nickname Izumi has given ever. Explodes my mind every time.

But anyway, the thing that explodes my mind the most regarding IzuNazu is: Nazuna's ex-Valk grievances and how it factors into their relationship.

Starfes is the story for this.

Izumi defends Nazuna when Shu is going on a bitter ex tangent, saying something like "If you think that of Nazunyan, then you really never knew him at all." He reveals that Nazuna talks to him about his feelings on ex-Valk.

I just. grips head. Its been noted multiple times that before their 3rd year, Nazuna and Izumi were rarely ever spotted without Shu or Leo respectively by their side (and Nazuna barely talked at all). Which means that they weren't friends during The War and Izumi didn’t personally see all that ex-Valk shit go down by Nazuna’s side. Nazuna had to have willingly told Izumi about it after the fact.

And it wasn't just like, Nazuna exploding one day and just venting to Izumi. It seems like an ongoing thing and Izumi truly does care and is very invested in this. Another IzuNazu moment in Starfes - Izumi voice: "Oh, Valkyrie is having problems? Psh, don't care, Nazunyan and Naru-kun’s problems aren’t my problem. (in the same breath) Let’s go help them.”

I just think it's so gnhrhghrng that Izumi cares so much about Nazuna and his hang-ups about Valkyrie. And it's really nice that Nazuna has someone like this to talk to, especially since his social circle is basically:

juniors (have to keep the reliable Niichan persona in front of them, can't tell them about his problems)

his classmates - Oddballs (Shu's friends and also probably wouldn't sit still enough to listen, and would speak in a language Nazuna can't understand), Leo (aliens on brain) and Kuro (Nazuna's friend but is also Shu's friend)

The ex-valk thing gets more insane because ShuNazu parallels IzuLeo.

When Izumi is defending Nazuna or criticising Shu in Starfes, he's really talking about himself and Leo. Leo is right beside them as it happens, and even he goes, "Wahaha Sena I'm getting hit by stray bullets here!" And wow. When you think about it, they really are similar.

Nazuna and Izumi being put on pedestals of beautiful, perfect beings that the Oddbal candidates and geniuses, Shu & Leo, put their whole energies, hopes and dreams into. Them feeling truly beautiful and worthy for the first time in their lives because of the other. Even though they've been called cute/beautiful many times before high school, and in fact joined Yumenosaki's idol course because of their cute/beautiful appearance.

Things falling apart, and Nazuna and Izumi failing to be there for their best friend of 2 years. Them consequently beating themselves up for it. Having extremely complicated feelings towards their ex-friends where they strongly resent the person and hurt each other whenever they meet. And yet beating themselves up, wishing the other well, and looking back onto their shared pasts with fondness and nostalgia.

Here, take these 3 screenshots that just make me go insane every time. First two are Nazuna POV, I think from Human Comedy and Starfes. The 3rd is Izumi's, from Lionheart.

Do you think they have crying sessions over their exes during Tennis Club whenever their juniors fail to show up? I do! !!! Here’s a fic someone wrote about this exact dynamic that made my head explode.

And then just the way IzuNazu are casually mean to each other but never in a way that the other really minds.

Their interactions in ! are genuinely so funny because Nazuna will see Izumi in the corridor and when Izumi opens his mouth, Nazuna will say as a greeting, “Wow Izumi-chin your personality is horrible as usual! anyway,"

and Izumi doesn’t even say anything back?? If it were with Knights, Izumi would definitely say excuuuuuse me I’m literally perfect? But no, here Izumi just lets Nazuna off the hook. Go be the bitchy person you are inside, Nazunyan, fly high! Izumi just keeps quiet and lets the conversation continue as if Nazuna just said hi like a normal person instead.

You have to keep in mind that in !, Nazuna was nice to everybody except Shu. Yes he's even nice to Eichi. He’s mean only to 1. Itsuki Shu (ex) or 2. Izumi-chin (bestie from club and the class next door). Eventually in !! this mean part of him becomes integrated in his main persona, but definitely not while he was in high school! Congrats Izumi-chin you're privy to this part of Nazuna before he felt confident enough to show it to everyone. Drives me insane thinking about how safe Izumi must've made Nazuna feel in order for this to happen. I think it’s sweet that even while in school, there was at least one person that Nazuna could be a bit like his real self around.

I think part of why this could happen is because Izumi is an expert at being bitchy, of course he understands and doesn't really mind. It's like breathing to him; he's not going to judge others for it! Izumi also does this with Arashi - he doesn't get shocked or judge Arashi when she's being mean and petty. But unlike with Nazuna, Izumi frequently calls her a rude brat (to her face, might I add).

I might be stretching a little here, but imo it's because he knows Arashi can take a few hits while Nazuna is just. really in the midst of desperately rebuilding himself from scratch at this point of time. Part of Nazuna's charm in his third year is how he truly overcompensated for and overemphasised his nii-chan persona. He takes offense and is incredibly offended whenever someone mistakes him for a junior. You cannot go a single conversation without him reminding you that he's a reliable Nii-chan and will look after you if you ever need help. He proceeds to trip over his words the next second and makes a fuss about it. Nazuna in his third year is clearly very insecure, and I think Izumi is really considerate about that. I think he doesn’t call Nazuna out when Nazuna acts contrary to the role model nii-chan persona because that would shatter the illusion and sense of self that Nazuna is trying to build up. And I think that consideration, of never directly pointing out how Nazuna isn't really the Role Model Nii-chan he makes himself out to be, gives Nazuna a safe space to really be his more authentic and abrasive self. Cries a fucking river.

(That said, Izumi probably doesn't speak up also because he has enough self-awareness to know that when Nazuna calls him rude, he’s just stating the truth, orz.)

Izumi's side of the friendly bullying is also hilarious because he just feels completely entitled to terrorising Nazuna’s juniors to get info out of him. In Judgement, there’s a scene where they got info on Knights Killers really quickly and like. Basically Izumi bullied Makoto until Nazuna spilled “because he’s a pushover”. He knows Nazuna will give in without retaliation, 100% success rate. He is correct. Izumi knows his friends well.

But Izumi doesn't just assume that Nazuna will be a softie all the time and Knows where the line is. He knows what will cause Nazuna to go rabid.

In Reloaded, where Tomoya and Izumi get handcuffed together by accident, Tomoya says “it’ll be embarrassing if Niichan saw us like this but I’m sure he’ll understand if we explain!” Izumi immediately replies with “NO NO HE WON’T LISTEN”. He is absolutely correct. Nazuna sets a horde of zombies on them and they only escape by leaving the country altogether.

Izumi just understands the contours of Nazuna’s unhingedness that well! He knows what will set Nazuna off and he knows how Nazuna's mind would work. They’re besties. I just think it's really sweet how Izumi knows Nazuna well enough to push him, and also when he has crossed the line.

And last but not least, we have Nazuna’s 4* FS2 story. They're just hanging out with nothing serious going on here but gnhh. Highlights:

Izumi sees Nazuna flopped over on the couch and scolds him for not sitting properly. (mom friend lol.)

"Izumi-chin'll get mad if I tell you why I've been sitting here the past hour" "No I won't" "...I was playing games on my phone and accidentally skipped breakfast." "Of course I'd get mad about that! 😡😡"

“I’m not going to download your game.” “You can make a Mako-chin avatar with it and dress him up however you want." Izumi spends the next hour making a Makoto avatar on his new account.

Nazuna promising to tell Izumi about new items whenever Izumi is back in Japan. Nazuna enabling Izumi to externalise his Mako-chin behaviour in a way that doesn’t actually inconvenience Makochin. IzuNazu gaming buddies!!!

There’s actually also the Midnight Butlers story but I wasn’t into enstars when it was released and I can’t find anything about it now :( rip it would've been funny to see the extent to which !! era Nazuna, who has embraced his inner derangedness, is willing to hold Izumi back from harrassing Makoto. Maybe he would've enabled Izumi, within reason. idk.

In conclusion, IzuNazu besties who respect each other, both with respect to their Problems with Leo/Shu and as people they can be mean to / somewhat unhinged around without the other judging or feeling hurt. They're so unexpectedly soft and wholesome, while staying true to their naturally abrasive personalities. I love them. Thank you for reading this longass essay! Please consider them venting and crying during tennis club and just generally being mean to each other.

#enstars #rambles #nazusena #izunazu #nazuna #izumi #i am so normal about them!!!#(has never been normal about nazuna nito ever)#i spent like 3hrs on this during exam season and then promptly forgot abt it orz #but like fr theyre just so. theyre so frequently mean to each other but like. like not in any way that rly matters #and the whole shit w their exes oh my goddddd drives me insane

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crepusculum-rattus · 4 months

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hehe hello <3 ✒️

HI :3

#actually i was thinking abt one of the rps we did the other day #& i was like ‘hm i should ask crow abt doing a lil rp again’ then promptly Forgot. My Bad #🐀#rat got mail #ask game #teg tag

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mayorofcattown · 8 months

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actually that reminds me I never did get around to finishing the dub. I should probably do that lol

#I caught up to the end of s1 I think #and promptly forgot abt it

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mothnoir · 1 year

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"why is favorite record stuck in my head" <- forgot he paused the song less than five minutes ago

#this happens frequently #'why is x stuck in my head' <- paused it in a different tab then promptly forgot abt it #status noir

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chekhovs-harpoon · 2 years

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lol i was making a recommendations list for horny and sexy podcasts and like,,, i had the vaguest sense that this was something i already did ages ago

#can any of y'all remind me if i did #i thought maybe it was a post i didn't complete and promptly banished to the drafts and forgot abt #but nothings there #podcast blogging

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viewmonster-deactivated20230122 · 2 years

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The “hobocop” url that’s joked about is referencing Disco Elysium!

OH. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DOES MAKE SENSE

#anonymous #i know so little abt de only stuff thru friends and all... i still needa play that game #i read thru the wiki a while ago but promptly forgot about everyything JDNFNFNFK #answers

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screampied · 4 months

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yuki fingering reader in front of choso who’s tied up and is soo whiney abt it bcs he also wants to touch reader.. 🤭

❤︎ ໋𓈒 yuki teasing you in front of choso

warnings. fem! reader, fingering, choso’s tied up, praise, dirty talk, needy choso, mdni.

“she’s such a pretty girl, isn’t she, choso?” yuki slyly says, having you sat promptly in her lap.

you moaned, your head being laid back against her chest while she had her fingers occupied inside of your pussy.

choso pouts, sitting across the room and he’s tied up, watching you be an entire mess with yuki. he felt the tips of his ears burn into a scorching hot temperature. “y-yeah,” he sighs, and his voice was so low yet soft. “yuki, i wanna touch her too.”

“baby, you will,” she chuckles, playfully tilting her head. choso’s lip quivers at hearing yuki use that pet name on him. he was so frustrated, he couldn’t touch you — let alone even touch himself. yuki’s got two fingers prodding against your entrance before maneuvering it against your clit to where you start to whine. she kisses against your neck before she brings another hand to make you face towards choso. “look at choso, princess. he wants to touch you. should he?”

“y-yes,” you huffed out, seeing choso all restrained and horny for some sorts of attention made you throb.

he has a sheepish grin at your response and yuki playfully frowns. “hmpf. fine,” and then she brings a soft nibble towards the inner part of your neck, softly making the tips of her lengthy fingers reach everywhere to make you whimper out. “but,” she cheeses, raising a brow at choso. “you’re gonna have to be a good boy and wait until she cums on my fingers.”

the pout spreads back onto choso’s face before he starts tugging on his restraints. “. . . told you to stop c-calling me that, yuki.”

“but it’s cute,” she giggles, her fingers still deep inside you.

you gasp, feeling her pry your legs open a bit more. yuki sat manspread, and you were just trembling on top of her. she stared at choso before simpering. “besides, you’re the one with the praise kink, no?”

“ . . . ”

“yeah, ‘s what i thought,” she slyly remarks, bringing a kiss towards your cheek.

yuki was so gentle with her technique — her fingers roamed all against and throughout your clit. her chest pressed against your back as you sat on your lap, biting your lip to suppress your sweet moans.

choso’s cock twitched in his pants from the way you kept your eyes on him the entire time. the direct stimulation she was providing with your pussy made you slump your head back against her. “y-yuki, ‘m gonna cummm..”

“yuki, you’re being stingy,” choso whines, his own breathing starting to pick up—you glance at choso and the cute frown that tugged his lips down was adorable. he was so needy, bouncing his thigh slightly, not even sure how to get himself off with the way he was tied up.

“am i?” she smiles, staring off into space with such playful demeanor. “maybe you’re both just being brats.”

you moaned, feeling her fingers goad against the very edge of your clit. it felt so good you heard the beats of your heart pour out your ears.

you were in the midst of closing your legs but forgot you couldn’t since she had them nicely spread.

just for choso to see, and fuck did that make him ten times harder than he already was . . .

her fingers created a rhythmic pace of stroking against your clit.

your folds that were so soaked, sheeny and covered in nothing but your sweet. she was obsessed with your pussy, making sure you and choso just heard how sloppy it was. the perfect squelches it sang out in harmony each time.

she giggles once you start to convulse right on her lap, becoming an entire shaky mess.

“yuki,” you hiccuped, bringing a hand to rub against her wrist. she peppers a kiss against your forehead before a loud whine gets elicited from your throat with such each. “g-gonna cum, hafta cum.”

“at least untie me before she c-cums,” choso whines, desperately craving some sorts of attention . . . it was cute. his hair bounced against his shoulders as he shifted and jerked in his seat, staring at the lewd view in front of him.

yuki smears her pink glossed lips together before rolling her eyes.

“okayyy, fine,” and she takes a brief break to untie choso—you watch as choso then drags his feet, only to kneel down and give you a kiss. the kiss was so passionate yet needy, lapping his tongue against yours, you hear a whiney moan leave from his throat.

yuki rolls her eyes once more, witnessing the two of you make out. her fingers still shoved deep inside your cunt before she uses her full wrist to match her rhythm. you bit your lip, feeling her imitate a bowling ball grip with her fingers, knowing each spot to go into to make you whimper and squirm.

“you two are such sluts.” she teases cheekily, an arm going around choso.

he tastes sweet, his warm breath went against your own before he trails his own hand down towards your body. your chest until it reached near between your legs. the touch from the two of them, you moaned, feeling your legs nearly start to be ice out.

“i-i want a taste,” he murmurs, getting on his knees in front of you and yuki. your eyes glance down at choso to see him lean up close, softly creating a cute kitten lick towards your pussy.

you shuddered, the pleasurable sensations of yuki’s fingers mixed with choso’s tongue—your eyes started to roll back, and by this point you were really at your peak . .

choso starts to lick against your folds, giving it a concise suck, even licking against yuki’s fingers that was going in and out of you and you whimpered. a hand of yours grips onto choso’s messily tied up ponytails.

“aw, he’s been waiting to taste you all day, pretty girl. look at how eager he is to please you,” she coos against your ear, playfully nibbling against your ear lobe.

your legs instantaneously shook. feeling such ripples of pleasure brew up, choso’s practically making out with your cunt, swirling his tongue against your folds before sucking it, whining while reaching into his sweats to stroke himself. he was so needy.

the minute you cum on yuki’s fingers, you fall back right against her chest, letting off the biggest whine. the her fingers were so long, stretching your pussy out so easily—you pouted once she stopped.

you looked down, and choso’s still lapping his tongue against your folds before he gulps, departing his lips from between your legs, only to greet your inner thighs with soft sweet pecks.

“choso, give our good girl another kiss.”

he pouts, getting up to bring you in for a loving kiss—you wrap your arms around him, pulling him closer before he starts grinding against your body. he was in heat, desperate for more of your touch. you had him hot, and for a moment, the two of you forgot yuki was right between you two.

she smiles, abruptly pulling the two of you off before humming. “hm, ‘m not done with you though, princess,” she softly says before making you get up from her lap. she kisses near your chin as she’s behind you now. you gasp once she swiftly drags your ass back and forth against her, only before you felt what seemed to be a toy strapped on her waist. “still got so much more of this stunning body to worship,” and then she gives choso a cheesing smile. “and choso’s gonna be a good boy ‘n watch, right baby?”

“…f-fine, yuki.”

#★vegasbaby.#choso smut #choso x reader #choso kamo smut #jjk smut #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jjk fic #jjk x reader smut #yuki smut #jujutsu kaisen yuki #yuki tsukumo #yuki jjk #tsukumo yuki

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