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#and this second one happened throughout the years but got very worse later on when I THOUGHT I had it figured out and looking back avsok not
starlooove · 2 months
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Parents when you stop caring what people think of you after they tell u ur whole life that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks 😨😨😨😨😨
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totaly-obsessed · 8 months
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Sleepy
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Barca Femení x reader fic
-> The reader suffers from anxiety and has to go on meds again - barca girls see her struggling with tiredness.
➳ Masterlist
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
This season had been exciting and it was nearing it’s end. Together with Lucy Bronze, you joined Barcelona’s women’s team last year after the Euros, Keira Walsh joining you both in September.
Now your first season at the club was coming to it’s end. And it was a successful one – winning the ‘Supercopa’ and the league after disqualifying from the ‘Copa de la Reina’.
The only thing missing? A Champions League trophy. And your team made it to the finale against Vfl Wolfsburg – your old team.
You had always struggled with anxiety but the fact that you would be playing such a big tournament against most of your national teammates and your childhood friends Lena and Jule made it so much worse.
Your anxiety had originally settled once you found your place in the club and made peace with coming second in the Euros – but now? In this position? It got worse again. Many interviewers wanted to talk to you, interested in how you felt going up against your old team. The whole world was watching, or at least that is what it felt like to you. Your anxiety being at an all-time high.
It was Alexia, who was back in group training and back on the pitch, who contacted our club’s psychiatrist after realizing, that you wouldn’t do anything against your fear.
That is how you ended up in this situation.
After talking with your therapist, you were now talking to Jonatan and the entire trainer team, to make sure that they put you on the right anxiety medication. In the end, everyone concluded, that Lorazepam would be your best bet.
Throughout the whole conversation, you said nothing – just giving consent to the pills.
Alexia waited outside the room for you, trying to see how it went but when you just stormed by her effectively shoulder-checking her – she knew she messed up.
Your feet carried you directly into the protective arms of Ana, who took a very mothering role in your life, as did most of the older players. The blonde didn’t question why you were sobbing into her shoulder and just let you be, pulling you into a meeting room, that wasn’t occupied.
“What happened?” hearing her speak German, was comforting, it gave you a sense of home.
“They put me on pills again.” And the sobbing continued. Anna cooed softly, stroking your hair hoping you would calm down. And you did.
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
On your way home that afternoon, you picked up your prescription – not thrilled at all. You knew that Alexia wanted what was best for you, but you felt so betrayed that she just went to the therapist, without even asking you first. Even though you knew that talking to you, probably wouldn’t have changed anything, and your Captain knew that as well.
As the pharmacist described, you took the first pill that evening, falling into a deep slumber.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
You were late.
The Lorazepam had knocked you out so much, that you slept well past your usual alarm. The ‘3 missed calls by Jonatan Giraldez’ didn’t calm you down either.
As fast as humanly possible you got up, got ready and already dressed in the training kit so you wouldn’t have to change. Luckily your apartment wasn’t too far away and ten minutes later you were already at the training facility.
Storming onto the pitch and straight into Jonatan. “I’m so sorry I overslept! It’s the Lorazepam!” In your time in Barca, you had picked up quite a bit of Spanish, learning much faster than Lucy and Keira – much to your enjoyment.
You expected to be shouted at, even though you had never seen Jonatan really angry. But he just smiled, nodded, and sent you to Alexia, who was the only one without a training partner.
What a coincidence.
The Spaniard gave you a warm smile, desperately hoping that she was in your good graces again. When met with a cold, hard face, she knew she wasn’t. Most of the drills were spent in silence, and during water break, you were off with Claudia and Parti who were teasing you about your punctuality.
“I thought Germans were supposed to be on time!” Claudia couldn’t even respond to her best friend, too busy laughing her ass off.
Strong arms pulled you in a headlock, away from the young players. “Luce! Let the poor girl go!” And just like that you were in complete control of your body again, Lucy listening to Keira like a well-trained dog.
“Are you okay tiny?”
Tiny. You hated that nickname – it didn’t even matter of old or tall you were, to Keira and Lucy, you were just tiny… “Yeah – I’m fine!”
Both of them knew that you weren’t really fine, but the training continued and Alexia was back at your side. It was silent for a few minutes, the blonde continuously opening and closing her mouth. “Just say it, Ale.”
“I’m sorry. I just wanted what was best for you, I should have talked to you.” Both of you were continuing with your tasks, facing straight forward, but the Spaniards' eyes kept glancing towards you.
“It’s fine. You were right. I probably wouldn’t have done anything about it.”
“So you like me again Amore?” a mischievous smile on her face, as she tripped you.
“I never stopped Ale, but I am seriously reconsidering it now!”
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
The next couple of weeks were hard – The Lorazepam still hit you hard at the end of the day and you frequently woke up later than planned, but never too late.
Your ever caring team-mates built a schedule around you. Every morning one of them would pick you up – she would be there a little bit earlier than needed, get you up, wait for you to get ready, and then you would go to training together.
Your anxiety had gotten better, so it wasn’t all for nothing, you were actually seeing results, and the side effects were manageable.
Your club-mates still liked to wind you up (‘sleepy’ now being your official nickname) about your sleepiness but it turns out that they underestimated just how tired you constantly were.
It was one of the last practice days before your Champions League finale against Wolfsburg – after the hard training session, you always did a little bit of yoga together, trying to get the body to relax.
“Now we bring our body up to our knees again.” The instructor did the exercise, and effortlessly pushed himself up from his lying position.
So did everyone else – except for you.
With your head flat on your yoga mat, and your back bending uncomfortably, you had fallen asleep.
“Oi! Sleepy is cheating!” It was Mapi who had spotted you and wanted to be funny, but when you didn’t move when everyone laughed, she caved. A soft jacket was now draped over you, trying to keep you a little warm.
Most of the team left when they were done, aside from Ale, who was scheduled to you on that day. But instead of waking you up, the blonde sat down next to you and stroked your hair, in a soothing matter.
“Sleep well bebé.”
Just a few days later it finally happened. Barca won the Champions League!
And you weren’t just there, you assisted Patri’s first goal. The young Spaniard had run towards you in celebration “Yes sleepy! And again!”
And while it wasn’t you who assisted her on her second goal, she got it. Frido was the one getting us our win, shooting the three to two.
It was hard seeing your former clubmates but they were happy for you, especially Lena and Jule.
Having anxiety still sucked, but with the help of your friends who were really more of a family, your fans, and the game that you loved so much you made it, and it was worth it.
Maybe being sleepy wasn’t so bad after all…
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theaceace · 5 months
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In the same way that Morpheus creates dreams and nightmares to assist in his function, as life continues to flourish throughout the worlds, Death creates reapers to help her in her function
One of those reapers is Hob Gadling, former human, now technically dead but also kind of immortal while he's got this job, and honestly that's good enough for him. It's not bad work, if you can get it, yknow? He gets to travel! He meets all kinds of interesting people! He's already seen the horrors of plague and battlefields so not much really shocks him (or so he thinks, at first. He's wrong)
So he's still new to the job, he's getting the hang of it he thinks, but then the next soul he goes to help isn't anywhere he's been before. He knows it's the Dreaming - turns out you know a lot of things you didn't expect, once you're dead - but that's never happened to him before
Weird, but oh well. He's got a job to do, and he's going to do it
Death, meanwhile, has a twofold agenda. The first is that she's in a snit with Dream, and doesn't want to see him until they're both ready to, if not apologise, then at least move on from whatever is grinding both of their gears
The second is she wants Hob and Dream to meet, because it will either be catastrophic or the best thing to ever, but either way she will enjoy it very much
Of course, Dream is also in a proper mood with Death, so when this absurdly cheerful new Reaper shows up in the Dreaming to collect a soul, he has to turn up and make the poor guy's (after)life miserable. Hob, who is not a man predisposed to being made miserable (especially not by this beautiful being who may or may not be a concept of the universe personified and also his boss's brother, hard to be sure considering Dream tells him absolutely Nothing), is bright and breezy and the soul in question is much happier going with him than staying in the Dreaming with the very grumpy looking guy in black
Hob is, obviously, enamoured. He takes one look at Dream and is absolutely gone. If he didn't have a soul to guide right there he'd have been on his knees there and then, and he'd worry about the consequences never later. As it is he flirts a bit, grins a lot, and inadvertently insults both Dream and Dream's favourite sister
Dream is obsessed fuming. He isn't going to stop this upstart little reaper from doing his job - he respects Death and her purpose far too much for that - but he is going to turn up and make Hob's job very difficult every time he arrives in the Dreaming
(this is so much better than Death could have ever imagined)
They get into this habit for the next 600 or so years, Hob arrives to find Dream already lurking ominously with the soul, they talk a bit, Hob charms the soul and off they pop to the Sunless Lands - that is, until Hob dares to insinuate that maybe he knows Dream, and maybe Dream even sort of likes coming to see him. Maybe Hob could even come and visit the Dreaming when he hasn't been called there for work!
Honestly, after the tantrum Dream threw about that, Hob's very surprised to be sent to the Dreaming again. Death had been handling the souls there for quite a while now - but there's a world war on, Hob supposes. She probably too busy to go around scooping up the souls that die in the Dreaming
But when Hob arrives, the Dreaming is cold. Quiet. There's no sign of its contrary monarch, and it seems that the colours are all a little dull. Drained, somehow, and lacking vitality
Well, the world has been dreaming of war and pain and death for years, he reasons. That'd be enough to make anyplace a bit less pleasant. And Dream is probably busy, or just miserable with everything that's going on. No problem. Hob will just have to try to mend this bridge next time
Next time comes and next time goes, and still no Dream, and the Dreaming looks even worse. And again, and again, until Hob actually starts to get worried. It isn't until Lucienne - who he has never met, but knows a little bit by reputation - finds him and tells him that no one has seen Dream for years that he realises something may be very, very wrong
He goes to Death to ask her about it, but she only grimaces and says she's not allowed to interfere unless her brother calls for her. Hob thinks that's ridiculous, first of all, but also he isn't bound by these rules! Surely if she just gave him a hint, he could interfere with whatever is going on!
Death doesn't appear to agree, at the time - but then Hob is sent to collect a soul from the Waking for the first time since 1916. He arrives in the basement of Fawney Rig to find the raging soul of Roderick Burgess, a magic circle he can't cross, and Dream of the Endless watching him from a glass prison
The boss wouldn't have sent Hob here if she didn't want him to do something, he's pretty sure. Even if it means abandoning his duties, forcing his way into the Dreaming, leading a charge of dreams and nightmares and dead souls on Fawney Rig
(or maybe Death doesn't send him for Burgess - maybe he remains, in the crumbling realm of dreams, guiding souls and never quite managing to shake the fear that the next hand he will have to take is that of the Dream king himself)
Either way. Reaper Hob, who is still mostly indistinguishable from Human Hob. Who loves (the after)life. Who loves his friend, who just so happens to be the grumpy younger brother of his boss. Who, when the Dreaming is finally restored, simply can't stop himself from flinging himself at Dream
Reaper Hob
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klausysworld · 11 months
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hi lovely, loving your writing as always 🫶🏻🫶🏻, i was just wondering if you’d write something a little different. Just an idea that came to mind, which is Y/N a previous ex Klaus or someone of the TVD men have mistreated. Traumatised and heartbroken, Y/N moves to a new city and starts a whole new life. A year later, Klaus and the Tvd gang at different locations (klaus = new orleans) (damon = new york) etc are listening to the same music channel, all of a sudden a familiar voice starts playing on the radio- it’s Miss Y/N, the newly and all so talented pop star.
Completely understandable if you’re not into this, it is different and doesn’t seem to be your theme. If you do do it then great, if not great 🤭lotta love for you and your writing.🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
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(Gonna be a lot of jumping to different people but will remain in third person throughout)
She Did It
Y/n hadn’t had the smoothest ride to success.
Growing up in Mystic Falls Virginia was just the start of the rocky road known as life.
Being tangled in the supernatural drama as a result of being Elena, Bonnie and Carolines best friend was a whole other trip.
Falling for a toxic original hybrid that doesn’t know how to love hit her hard.
Being used whether it be for leverage in a life and death situation or for her body, she never had it easy.
Losing so many of her friends as a result only made it worse.
Him cheating on her and getting a werewolf pregnant was the straw on the camels back.
But if we’re being honest it was probably the best thing that could have happened. She was free to do whatever the fuck she wanted.
So she graduated, and got the hell out of that town so fast not even a tribrid could catch her.
Y/n went of the grid for nearly 4 years before she was heard from…or of again.
———————————————————————
(New York-Damon and Elena Salvatore)
It was a hot summers day in the city that never sleeps, Damon and Elena stood on the balcony of their apartment in the sun with the radio playing.
Damon stood by the barbecue flipping the burgers while Elena overlook the city. Only happy thoughts in her mind as she tapped her nails along the beat of the song that played.
Damons face twisted into one of recognition and slight confusion as he turned to Elena
“Have we heard this song already?” He asked trying to remember what had already played
“No I think it’s new, why?” Elena hums dismissively
“It sounds oddly familiar” he murmurs
Elena listens a little better and pays attention to the voice, her slight accent peeking through her words and the husk in her tone at certain points throughout. Her brows went up and she slowly stood, her hand moved to turn it up and a smile began to spread across her face
“What is it?” Damon asked confused
“Y/n” Elena stated with a growing grin “Y/n is singing” she projected “oh my god! Oh my god get the phone! Call Caroline right now!”
———————————————————————
(Boston-Caroline Forbes and Bonnie Bennet)
Both girls smiled as they saw Elena’s name appear on Care’s phone.
Caroline picked up and put her on speaker
“Hey Elena, how’s New Yorkk??” Care asked cheerfully
“Caroline turn on the radio right now! You won’t believe who’s singing!” Elena nearly yelled down the phone. Bonnie furrowed her brows but ran on over to the radio and turned it on.
Their faces light up within seconds of eachother as Bonnie whispered an “oh my god”
“She did it” Caroline uttered, her hand going over her mouth “she freaking did it!” She yelled ready to jump up and down. Both her and Bonnie were hugging in excitement as they listened to their old best friend pour her heart and soul into only 4 minutes of passion.
———————————————————————
(New Orleans-Klaus and Rebekah Mikaelson)
Klaus had frozen in step when he heard Rebekah singing along to a very familiar voice.
He stood in the door way staring amazed at the speaker that blasted her voice before the radio presenter chimed it
“And that was miss y/n’s newest big hit, it would seem she just keeps hitting the charts, last week she knocked out her own number one with another” the guy announced making Klaus take a step inside. His jaw went slack as he listened to the people praise her music and the meaning behind her songs. “I’m excited for her interview tomorrow morning” they continued
Rebekah noticed Klaus’s face and smirked “didn’t know she was basically a superstar?” She asked amused and he shook her head “she’s literally everywhere at the moment! How have you not heard her!?” She questioned with a laugh but he only blinked dumbfounded.
Klaus stood for several more songs until eventually leaving and sitting in his own room with his headphones blaring.
———————————————————————
(California-Y/n’s interview on TV).
Interviewer is in italics & Y/n is normal text
Y/n’s smile was big as she sat down opposite her interviewer. The cameras focused on her, she truly looked flawless.
“You look lovely this morning” the presenter greeted, sitting up straight in his chair as she grinned in excitement at him
“Thank you, you do to of course” she responded politely and he smiled
“I don’t want to come on too head on but god everyone is just dying to know, ‘who is y/n y/l/n!?’” He questioned leaning toward her eagerly making her laugh lightly
“No no it’s fine, straight to the point” she began “well I mean, it’s sort of a long story but I always had the dream and aspiration to become a singer and one day something just happened and it made me realise that it would only ever be a dream if I didn’t actually go for it” she explained and the man nodded
“Surely it’s more complicated than that?” He questioned
“No yeah of course, I mean I went to so many different places. I’ve sang in bars, i’ve been a busker on the streets of Chicago, i’ve had producers turn me away and auditions gone wrong. I’ve choked a few times and just had a lot of self doubt toward earlier years. It took like three years to get here, and of course that is like really freaking fast when you think about it because some people are trying for so long and get nowhere. I guess it was partly luck. I prefer to thank the public, I mostly got recognition from people posing me on social media and then bigger people approached me from there” she told him in more detail
“You are a role model to so many young women, you’ve proved to be incredibly resilient and ambitious. Your talent has gotten you so far, you’re already making songs with other huge stars” he stated with a look for her to confirm his words
She nodded and her smile grew
“I’m actually um, flying up to Michigan, Detroit next week, I’m producing a song slash rap with Marshal, well Eminem” she confirms and the cameras flash on her face
“So we should all be expecting a new phenomenon to be created” he question, his hands rubbing together
“I mean it’s Eminem, he hasn’t failed yet” she laughed
“And seeing the other people you’ve already sang with, you shouldn’t be any trouble, fans are truly over the moon to hear the both of you together” he adds
“Yeah, I mean, I’m incredibly excited as well obviously. I’m actually making up a collaborations album, I’ve already recorded some of the tracks on there with uh Taylor Swift and Lana del rey, then I’m with Eminem next week and some time down the line I have a meeting with Billie Eilish and her team and a couple other people but I wanna keep some surprises for the future”
The interviewer nodded along with what she said and leaned back in his seat
“Within very minimal years you have become such a huge success, what are your plans for the future?”
“Well I’m not overly sure to be honest. I know that I want to tour. I’ve done like a couple festivals and a few bigger events but I want to make my way around the states and eventually get out of America you know? I want to go world wide, I’ve actually already got a lot of requests to come to other countries but I need to do states first, see how much I make and how expensive a world tour will actually be”
Each person from her past watched snd listened to everything she said in that interview.
They all listened to the album she had already released and were all eager for her to create a collaborations one.
In some ways it was unbelievable but really, they all knew she was capable.
(I wanted this to focus more on the happiness that they all felt for her finally having her dreams rather than it being all about the past)
(Hope this was sort of what you wanted??? Im not gonna lie I have made up so so so many like fake scenarios in my head with basically this plot😭😭 I always end dating young Eminem and Klaus is all depressed cuz he wants me back. Basically I’m just a very sad being with little to no social life 😬)
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pochqmqri · 8 months
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Some other people found out from the teaser that Saki has a ring on one of her fingers, likely a wedding one. It doesn't seem like any of the other girls have rings, so she might be the only one in this sequel that is married, initially at least.
My hope is that she's married to Mai, or Michiru, I'm not picky, but it's most likely to a man.
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Off the top of my head, there are two possibilities from the original Splash Star. The first is Mai's older brother, Kazuya, who Saki is very clearly crushing on throughout the season, but it seemed more like an unrequited love a young girl might have for an older boy the same way in Cardcaptor Sakura where Sakura has a crush on Yukito.
The other option is Kenta, the boy that Saki occasionally banters with, and he also seems to crush on her a few times early on, but as the season progressed, their "romance" didn't really develop, like Saki never really saw him as anything more than a friend. I wouldn't be that opposed to him being her husband, since he's not bad compared to some of the other guy love interests in this franchise later on.
They could also just make up a man for Saki to be married too, and it's not like that's unrealistic, you don't always end up marrying your childhood friends/first love. In my opinion, that would feel a bit odd, because OtonaPre has about a 10-20 year timeskip from when we last saw these women, so to start off with Saki married to someone we know basically nothing about, feels a bit cheap, unless there is enough backstory to make it work. Even so, it's still up in the air how many episodes OtonaPre has, so I'm not sure they'd want to spend too much time laying the groundwork for that potential new character.
Moving onto Mai, it would be really sad if Saki was the only one of the two who got married. Like, for better or worse, in Splash Star, Saki is shown to be crushing on guys, while Mai didn't get as much development regarding romance, other than acting like a third wheel for Saki's endeavors. I don't recall Mai ever falling in love with a guy, in fact, you could say she was in love with Saki instead.
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Similarly, in the original Futari wa, Nagisa was the one who got most of the romantic development. Hell, in Max Heart, Honoka barely got episodes focused on her while Nagisa had several where she tried to vie for Fuji-P. Should they be in OtonaPre, and although I don't want it to happen, Nagisa would probably end up with Fuji-P. It would be such a shame, because one of her traits in the original anime is that she's popular with the girls, even getting love letters from them. She exclaims how she'd rather be popular with the boys than girls, but in a later episode, she says that if Honoka was a boy, she'd be in love with her, which I think does a good job at hinting towards her closeted feelings. I really detest the trope where romance between girls is seen as a thing to "grow out of," like it's just a schoolgirl fad.
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Regarding Honoka, they don't really give her much in hetero romance. There are like, three guys that I can think of that only maybe could be paired with her, barring another new man they invent. The first is Fuji-P's friend/teammate, Kimata, but he barely interacts with Honoka at all, and I would hate that, because it would feel like a "consolation prize" if Nagisa ended up with Fuji-P. The second is Kiriya, the former Dotsuku Zone denizen who infiltrated their school to try and defeat them, only to end up developing a strong bond with the sisterly Honoka, but I never really saw this as a budding romance, especially on Honoka's end. Plus, Kiriya basically dipped by the end of the original Futari wa, and didn't even show up in Max Heart, so it would just feel like an afterthought if they paired them together with that missing development. The third option is Nagisa's younger brother, Ryouta, who has a crush on Honoka, but, lmao, that's really just played as a joke.
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In fact, I think the anime actually portrays Honoka as being mostly uninterested in boys, despite being popular with them. She rejects all of their advances, says that if she were to go out with a boy, there'd need to be mutual respect, which implies that she doesn't feel respected by them and thus doesn't even consider them. There's also the fact that she admires Nagisa's popularity with the girls, which I feel hints at something a bit more about her romantic desires. I could go on here, but I hope this gets my point across.
To sum it up, Saki ending up with a family while Mai doesn't would create such a disappointing incongruity for these two women who were very intertwined in the anime we watched them in. The same is true of Nagisa and Honoka should they also appear. I would rather none of them end up with any romantic conclusion (thus leaving it up to interpretation) whatsoever than only some of them having it.
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kiwixlime · 2 years
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Winter Passing
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O is for Obsession
What happens when one of the most powerful men in Jackson decides he wants you?
Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader 
Warnings: Oh boy. This is kind of fucked up, friends. Won’t lie. Obsession, possessiveness, age difference, smut - it’s quick, consensual, and unprotected, yandere!Joel, gore, blood - your typical tlou violence, heavy manipulation, murder. There’s a lot packed in here. So if I missed something, please let me know! 
Additional Notes: This takes place in Jackson after the events of TLOU I - around the time in TLOU II when Ellie heads back to Salt Lake City. Some parts of this fic were suggested by @detectivebarba - thank you so much for your inspiration and ideas! <3 I hope I do this justice. Let’s go. 
18+ Minors DNI
“Don’t run from me, sweetheart!” Joel’s rough voice pierces through the heavy winds, and you can tell by the volume that he’s not far behind you. A pitiful cry rips through your throat as your legs pick up speed, carrying you as fast as they can through the downpour of white. Choppy breaths fall from your parted lips, your body screaming in agony for a break while your mind hushes it with determination. 
Joel keeps on yelling, you can hear him gaining ground on you. You can’t stop; your freedom depends on this, depends on losing Joel in the winter storm. If you slow down for even a second, he’ll catch up. He’ll snatch you back. And you’ll be worse off than ever before. 
Snowfall threatens your vision, but you persist beyond the sparkles of white, beyond the burning in your calves. This is your moment. After months of feeling like a prisoner in your own home, you have the chance to escape. Freedom tastes so good on your tongue as you see the walls of Jackson in the distance. Just…a bit…more. 
“Stop!” Joel screams, but you don’t. You keep going as hard as you can until you feel the breath being knocked from your body. In seconds, you collapse into the icy-slick ground, gasping out in fear and pain as you try to piece together what just happened. 
Then you hear it. As you try to pick yourself up, hands freezing as you grab at the powder beneath you for balance, the clicking sound echoes around you. You can’t see through the fog, but you can hear the high-pitched screeching, and your body paralyzes at the noise. Before you can collect your thoughts, you see it running towards you, arms flailing and the fungus around its head unmissable. The clicker falls onto you, roaring as you hold it back. 
The creature tries to aggressively bite at your face. Your hoarse voice screams for help. But there’s no safety. The only one around is Joel…
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Living in Jackson over the last few years provided you with the safety you were craving after the loss of your family. You were lucky when you ran into Tommy and Maria Miller. Once they had deduced you were not a threat to their place, they welcomed you warmly to town. They were impressed by you, and because of that, you became friendly with them. And you got to know them on a level that other residents of Jackson never would. 
From the very beginning, you knew Tommy had an older brother he recently got back into touch with. For some reason, that mysterious older brother didn’t live within Jackson. But you learned a bit about him. 
So later on, when the townies started gossiping about a man showing up with a teenage girl, you didn’t have to pry further to know who it was. Your suspicions were confirmed a few days later when Maria pulled you aside and filled you in with updates. She trusted you, so she told you everything about him. About Joel. 
Joel Miller. 
He was a gorgeous man. Maybe the prettiest man you’d ever seen. Tall, fit, silky black hair with gray strands peppered throughout. You knew he was older, but he didn’t look tired. His face bloomed with color and life, even with the more prominent scars painting his skin. He was beautiful. The first time you met him, you swooned. 
It was one of the town’s annual dances. The people of Jackson liked to try to recreate the atmosphere of the old world, bringing what they could to life as it was now. Something you appreciated having grown up in the apocalypse. Dances were never a thing for you until you found this home. 
You’d been gone for a few months on a trip with some other residents. Upon your arrival in Jackson, you found work as part of a trade group. You and a few younger volunteers would spend months, sometimes even a year, traipsing around the country looking for different towns to trade with. 
It was your luck to come back on the night of the dance. As soon as you got home, you jumped in the shower, cleaned yourself up, and picked out the cutest outfit you had. Your hair had been wrapped in braids thanks to one of your friends. And you had on the faintest dusting of makeup, something you picked up on one of your trades. You looked cute. Pretty. And you felt it. 
The church had been converted for the night, looking like something out of a charming fairytale. Twinkle lights draped from the beams in the ceiling, accompanied by thin bushels of fabric and wrapped tightly with leaves and foliage from outside. It was rustic, gorgeous, the loveliest thing you’d ever seen. 
It was crowded. Everyone from town had to be there. But that didn’t stop you from having fun. You gathered with your friends by the bar, just enjoying the vibe of the night, nursing a drink, and singing along to the songs you were familiar with. 
At one point, you were alone. The rest of your group sauntered to the dance floor, each of them finding a partner to embarrass themselves with. You, on the other hand, didn’t want to participate. You were still tired from your trip and you were happy being a wallflower. 
Honestly, you didn’t think anyone noticed you. Like, ever. You were young and all of the guys around your age were stupid or taken. It never occurred to you that someone older might be interested. 
But Joel was. He knew the moment he saw you that he wanted you. He was with someone else at the time. They weren’t serious or anything, no. She was mostly around for fun or comfort. They had an arrangement. So when Joel saw you walk into Seth’s one night, Olivia was supposed to understand. 
Joel watched you from a dark corner of the establishment. Oliva stayed glued to his side, chatting about whatever she had done that day in town. He didn’t pay attention to her rambles. No, his focus stayed on you, eyes flitting to you every couple of minutes to make sure you were still within his line of vision. When you’d disappear, he’d panic and scour the room for your whereabouts until he found you again. 
His gaze remained glued to you. Every once in a while he’d grunt in response to Olivia, making her think he was listening intently when he was already working on ways to corner you. Get you alone. God, you were pretty. 
The way you floated around the room was reminiscent of an angel. After all he lost, Joel had a hard time believing in a higher power. But with every smile your beautiful face showed, he knew that if God or whoever existed, you had to be one of His greatest creations. 
You acted like you didn’t know the power you held. But Joel could see it. He could see it in the way the boys your age fell at your feet. He could notice the subtle looks of the older men, glowing onto you like they were a predator stalking their prey. 
It infuriated him. Every longing gaze from another male had his blood boiling. If it were up to him, he’d pluck their eyeballs out of their sockets so they’d have to live the rest of their pathetic lives without seeing your beauty. His only solace was that you never seemed to return the stares. 
Not long after that night, Joel asked his brother about you. Tommy hadn’t shared much about who you were in the beginning. He only lumped you in with the rest of the trading group so Joel had to pry. He only knew the basics. Your name, what you did, your age, where you were from… But it wasn’t enough. He had to know it all; he had to devour you.  
Tommy was happy to share what he could, thinking it was a good thing for Joel to show such an interest in someone. On the surface, it seemed innocent enough. The younger Miller knew of his brother’s situation with Olivia. It was never meant to last. But you. Tommy saw the way Joel looked at you. You were different. Someone he could care for. Someone he wanted to protect. 
Joel was drawn to you. And when he saw you alone at the dance, it gave him the courage to approach you. Of course, Olivia had been with him. He tried to shake her off, but she wouldn’t budge. It was annoying to the point where Joel had to pull her aside and tell her that it was over. 
The hurt on Olivia’s face meant nothing to him. Not when you were just across the room all by your lonesome. He could save you from that. He could be your desire. 
He would be. 
Leaving Olivia in the metaphorical dust, he weaved through the bodies on the dancefloor, your innocent figure never leaving his sight. Time slowed as he made his way to you with your entire aura consuming him, making it feel like you were the only ones in the room. And when you turned your head and saw him before you, he swore he could see you tremble. 
You were even more exquisite up close. Joel felt his heart swell as he closed the distance. He drew closer, and the scent of fresh flowers invaded his space. It was you, your scent. He was intoxicated. But when you looked up at him, that was when his breath caught in his throat. Your sparkling eyes full of curiosity. Curiosity for him. 
“Hi,” you smiled, failing to hide the quiver in your voice. It was one of the cutest things he’d ever witnessed. The fact that he made you so flustered fueled the primal desire that had been clawing at his insides. 
“Hello,” Joel chuckled, offering a hand with his introduction. He practically swooned, taking your shaking hand in his. Your skin was soft. He knew it would be. It only made him wonder if the rest of you was just as soft. “I’m Joel,” he said, putting those thoughts on the back burner. 
“Oh!” You chirped, paralyzing emotions creeping up your spine at the sound of his voice. So this was Joel. You cursed Maria for not warning you about how attractive her brother-in-law was. Now you felt a bit embarrassed. “It’s so nice to meet you!” You introduced yourself properly and his smile widened. 
“I know who you are,” Joel replied, amused at the shock that took over your features. So you hadn’t noticed him watching you. Unfortunate. “I’ve seen you around,” he said, searching your eyes closely for your reaction. Were you happy he knew you? Were you excited? You had to be. You had to feel the same way. 
“Wow,” you giggled with undertones of anxiety riddled in your pretty voice. Perfect. “I didn’t really think anyone paid any attention to me,” you admitted, and Joel's rage simmered at the assumption. How could anyone not? 
“How could I not?” He declared. 
Joel’s words were smooth, just like his voice, just like the way he carried himself. Your body had never reacted to anyone like that before. That warm surge made you want to fall to your feet to worship him. 
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” you said with a worried voice. You didn’t want to blow your chance here. Joel was the guy everyone desired. You wanted him to see you as an equal. As someone he could see himself with. 
If only you knew. 
“I could say the same,” Joel admitted with a boyish grin. “I hope it was all good, though?” He prodded, stepping closer to your personal space. You welcomed the advancement. 
“Every bit of it,” you nodded, losing yourself in his intensity. His eyes flashed with something familiar, something that made your heart flutter.  
Silence enveloped you. The music flooding through the speakers fell to just a hum in the background. The array of lights flashed across his mature face. That moment you were a goner. 
“Do you want to get out of here?” Joel boldly asked you. And you were so drunk on him you didn’t even care how forward or sudden it was. The only thing flashing in your mind was his body moving with yours. 
“I’d love to,” you answered him breathlessly. 
Following Joel to his house that night was the beginning of the end. Following him to his bed? Well, that was just foolish. 
-
“Oh,” the soft sound tumbles from your lips as you throw your head against the cushiony pillow beneath you. You’re on your back in Joel’s bed, his hands are touching you everywhere, lips hot on your skin. You’ve never been touched like this and it’s almost too much to handle. 
His rough fingers trail up and down your sides, outlining invisible shapes into your skin as you fall apart beneath him. You let Joel take control and he loves you for it, enchanted by your taste, your smell, the feel of your body pressed against his. 
He wastes no time stripping you of your clothes and you are so enraptured by his brazen character that you let him. And when he pushes you onto his bed, you surrender yourself to him. Now he’s worshiping your body, your sounds, the way you gasp his name as he touches you. And the way you weep and beg for more with his fingers inside of you is what snaps that last wire of sanity within him. 
Your breath is knocked from your lungs as he kisses you with such a force you know he’s trying to ruin you for other men. And it’s working. He has to be some kind of wizard with this hold he has over you. You only just met, but your mind is completely clouded by thoughts of him. 
As his lips devilishly smother yours, you make slow motions to touch him, feel his strength. His chest is firm under your fingertips. You slip lower, brushing over the scars on his abdomen, curious as to how they got there, turned on by the way his muscles contract. His breath is hot and heavy, his voice is low and rough as he brings his lips to your ear. 
“You’re so beautiful, baby girl,” he purrs, pulsing two fingers in and out of your sopping cunt. You let out the sweetest moan as he curves them inside of you, eager for more of your sounds. “So sweet, so perfect,” he kisses your throat before watching his fingers disappear inside of you. 
He starts slow, teasing you with gentle brushes between your folds, and hard presses to your clit. The way you squirm as he fingers you is beautiful, and he burns it to his memory. He wants to savor this moment with you, work you up until you’re shaking for him. But he can’t seem to stop himself. He has to move quicker, eagerly fucking three fingers into you, letting those filthy squelching sounds travel to his ears. 
“Joel, please,” you gasp as your perfect body arches from his bed. “Feels so good,” you whisper with your eyes closed. He watches intently as your teeth dig into your bottom lip, proud that he can make you feel this way. 
“You’re so sensitive, little one,” he comments, dragging his fingers through your slit. He does it again and again, gathering your juices until his hand is glistening in your arousal. His eyes bore into yours as he brings his hand to his lips, flicking his tongue out to taste you. “And you taste like heaven,” he sighs. 
“J-Joel,” you whimper, feeling the heat creep up your neck. 
“Yes, baby girl?” He hums, running his hand down your thigh. He sits up slightly, spreading your legs for him. You bite back a gasp, once again relinquishing any power. “Oh,” he chuckles, hovering over you. He drags his hips against you, satisfied when you mewl. “Is this what you want?” He teases. “You want to feel me inside you?” 
“Uh huh,” your plea comes out in a pathetic breath. And it’s not good enough. Not for Joel. 
“Tell me,” he demands, pinning your hips against his mattress. “Tell me you want me,” he sighs, something dark and animalistic. “Tell me you want to feel me. Tell me you crave me.” 
“I want you, J-Joel,” you stutter, peering into his unusually dark eyes. “I crave you.” 
Satisfied, that soft smile comes back to his lips, and he leans down to kiss your nose. You cherish his gentle affections as he slips into you, caressing your face while you moan at the stretch of him. He’s much bigger than you imagined, but he’s so good with you, taking his time with shallow thrusts until you’re ready for more.  
As he hits that pleasure point, your arms fall over his shoulders, nails scratching against his back. He grumbles at the burn that comes from your lacerations. Who knew you had that in you? It’s hot and he takes the chance of you doing it harder, slamming his cock into you at a face past. To his delight, you scratch him again. 
He locks his arms on either side of you, digging the heels of his hands into the mattress, gathering momentum to fuck into you hard and deep. His lips capture yours, swallowing your moans. Those pretty sounds. He loves to hear them. And he doesn’t want anyone else to know them. 
“Oh, sweetheart,” he groans, bottoming out, his mind short-circuiting at how you feel around him. He inhales sharply, exhaling when his lips meet yours. His tongue dips into your mouth, licking every crevice, finding every spot that makes you weak. You cry out in pleasure and Joel looks down to see the tummy bulge he’s giving you. A smirk finds its way to his lips. “Look at you,” he hums, snapping his hips harder. “Taking me so well, beautiful girl.” 
His hands move to your shoulders, holding you close while yours cup his face as you kiss him harder. It’s the most passionate embrace you’ve ever been in. And when Joel rocks into you faster, foreign emotions burst in your heart. You feel so close to him.
“Thank you,” you whisper. You don’t know why you say it. Maybe because your nerves are blazing, your stomach is swirling, your head is fuzzy with lust. But you feel like Joel needs to hear a thank you. 
He’s long and thick and so fucking powerful. Not just in bed, even though he restrains you easily. He’s one of the most powerful men in Jackson and he wants you. 
He moves down to grab your ass, pulling your hips into his, sinking himself further. He’s as deep as he can go now. And you swear you feel split in two. 
“My sweet girl,” he praises. “This pussy was made for me. Fuck, you’re mine.” His voice sounds so sweet, but his words are intense. 
“More,” you urge, pushing back against him. “Please, Joel. I need you.” 
“You have me, baby girl,” he promises, picking up the speed of his thrusts. His bed shakes and your trembling hands scramble for purchase. “You’ll always have me. You’re mine, sweetheart. No one else will ever touch you like this.” 
He kisses down your neck before sitting back, pinning your hips into the bed, his thumbs bruising into your bones, pounding into you hard and fast. You’re mewling his name, reaching behind you to aggressively tug on the pillows beneath your head. 
“Baby, I’m close,” you tell him, eagerly anticipating his next moves. He’s so violently profound that you have no idea what he’s truly capable of. 
“Yeah?” He grunts lowly. “Already? I’ve barely touched you,” he taunts with a wicked tone. “Do I make you feel good?” He asks. “Do I fuck you right?” 
“Yes, yes,” you nod as the pressure builds. “Yes, Joel.” 
“Only me,” he demands you to say. 
“Only you,” you oblige. 
“Good girl,” he praises, closing his eyes. “Such a good girl. Go ahead and cum for me, baby. Cum all over this cock. You own it.” 
You cry Joel’s name as you cum, overwhelmed by his words and the feeling of him inside you. You’re amazed at how quickly your orgasm comes over you. But there is a mystery about Joel that keeps you on your toes. It keeps all your senses heightened. 
As you try to collect yourself, Joel tells you he wants to cum inside you. It makes you nervous at first, considering the state of the world, but he’s so hot and his voice is sexy, and he feels so good. “Please, baby girl?” He moans. “Want to see this pretty pussy leaking with my cum.” 
“O-okay,” you breathe in agreement. 
“Gotta make you mine,” he purrs. “Fuck, look how gorgeous you are. Feel so good.” It all sounds so delicious as he fucks you and when he comes, you’re in a daze. 
Afterward, he falls next to you, bringing an arm to wrap around your waist and pull you close. Your bodies are hot and sticky, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He’s kissing your shoulder, whispering in your ear. “I’m going to take care of you,” he says. “Darlin’, I will do everything to protect you.” 
You didn’t realize then what it would come to mean. 
-
That night Joel made you his. 
You weren’t just young arm candy. No, you were practically his pet, following him everywhere, obeying his every order. He took care of you. He protected you, just like he said he would. And you were so thankful to be by his side. 
Over the months, you noticed how he got more and more possessive. It didn’t bother you at first. You kind of liked to see him jealous, threatening anyone who looked at you in ways he didn’t appreciate. It was a secret shame. You liked a guy who wanted you that intensely. 
But then he started to show more of a dark side. He always had you around. And when he didn’t, he made sure you were somewhere safe. He didn’t like you going on patrols. He didn’t think it was necessary and the risk was too high. 
On the rare occasion that you did accompany him, he made sure you stayed right behind him, made sure you were always in his sights. And if you ever ran into trouble, Joel immediately took care of it. 
One time you ran into a group of bandits. They surrounded you and Joel and when he was weak, a rare event, they grabbed you. Joel lost it pretty quickly. You’d never seen such a murderous look in those kind eyes. 
The men that held him back were shocked by his sheer force, amazed at how he was able to get out of their grip. When he was free, he didn’t even bother with his gun, grabbing one of the pipes from one of their hands. 
The carnage you witnessed should have scared you off then and there. But part of you was so thankful that he came to your aid like that. You watched in horror as he knocked one guy in the knee, then when that same guy fell, watched as Joel smashed the back of his head to a pulp. The blood that seeped from the man’s skull made you nauseous, but it was the cracking sound that drew your attention back to Joel. 
He had whipped the other man across the face. The guy fell to the ground immediately, his jaw smashed in completely, eyes lifeless as red poured from his mouth. You weren’t surprised at the rage Joel held inside of him, especially given all he’d been through, but it was still shocking to witness. 
And the man that grabbed you. The one who held you against a tree and tried to shove his hand under your shirt. Joel grabbed him by the neck, dragging his feet through the dirt until he was shoved against a pile of rocks. The fire in Joel’s eyes raged on. You’d never seen anyone look so evil. You thought right then and there if the devil existed, you were in love with him. And that terrified you. 
“You are going to regret ever laying a hand on her,” Joel seethed, raising the pipe in his fists. “This won’t be quick,” he said before slamming the metal down. You closed your eyes before it made contact, the squishing noise in your ears enough for you. 
You couldn’t watch. But you couldn’t leave. So you fell against the tree, sliding down until you reached the ground. You brought your knees to your chest and covered your ears, keeping your eyes closed as you willed the time away. 
After that, you never doubted Joel’s devotion to you. 
You did your best to make sure he never overreacted again. But it got to a point where you had no idea what would set him off. The littlest things would make him snap, but never at you. No, he loved you. He’d kill for you. 
He has. 
And you made sure to thank him, whether it be with your words or your body. You loved him. You did. But at the same time, you were beginning to feel suffocated. Trapped. 
Another dance was held at the church. And someone from one of the newer groups approached you. He was a man your age. He was kind and nice and he made you laugh. You had some things in common, but you made sure to let him know that you were taken. That Joel was your love. 
He understood and kept things friendly. But Joel didn’t like it. He didn’t like a younger man talking to you. He didn’t like the fact that someone could potentially steal you away from him, even though you assured Joel that no one else would ever come between you two. 
Still, a few days later, he took Evan out on patrol with him. And at the end of the day, Evan didn’t come back. 
You knew Joel had done something, but you didn’t say anything to anyone. You only talked to him and asked what happened. You’d listen to him if he was honest with you. 
“Nothing, my love,” Joel told you. “There was an accident. He couldn’t get away,” he said. “I knew he was your friend, and I’m sorry.” 
“Joel…” You pressed, fear scratching the surface of your stomach. 
But he shut you down. “He was weak, sweetheart,” Joel snapped. “And it was his downfall. You should be happy it happened like this. He was bound to die sooner or later. I saved you.” 
“Saved me?” You huffed. “What are you talking about?” 
“Evan would have taken you down with him,” Joel insisted. The sinister tone of his voice made you shiver. Fear coursed through you. He’d never hurt you, but you if looks could kill… He cocked his head to the side, looking down at you with worry. His hand came up to brush against your cheek. “You know I love you, right?” He asked, skimming down your jaw, lifting your chin with his fingers. “I would give you the world. I would do anything for you.” 
“I know,” you said quickly, putting his mind at ease before it got out of control. “I know.” 
“You love me, right?” He questioned. “My baby, you understand what I do for you?” 
“I do, Joel,” you answered. “I love you. I understand.” 
He smiled at you. And that smile reminded you of why you fell in love with him. He leaned in to kiss you softly. Your stomach still swirled with butterflies at his touch. You softened and kissed him, moving your lips to his slowly until he put his hand to your chest and pushed you back against the wall. His eyes grew dark as he took in your innocent features. “Then don’t ever question me again,” he warned. 
The look in your eyes drove him wild. He would never hurt you, but he loved to see you helpless. It only reminded him that he was the one who could care for you. It was his duty. 
And the residents of Jackson knew it. They whispered when you were around. Of course, they didn’t know the depths of Joel’s love. But you were the envy of every woman, and a few others, in Jackson. 
They saw the way Joel looked at you with literal hearts in his eyes. But to you, those hearts were charred black. Outsiders prayed for a love like Joel’s. But you prayed that Joel’s love wouldn’t kill anymore. 
But they saw devotion. They saw a lover. They didn’t know that Joel possessed something dark. 
And how he’d burn the entire world down if he ever lost you. 
And you… You had to get out. 
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“Fuck,” you breathe as you hold the clicker back. It’s grabbing for your face and you feel your arms getting weak. The cold snow sinks through your clothes, soaking you, turning your skin to ice. Your breathing is heavy, your throat sore from exhaustion. 
This is the end, you think. You tried to escape your life only to end up dead. Joel will be so pissed when he finds your body. You’re terrified of what he will do. 
Just give in, your mind says. Let go. You can be free in death. It’s better than behind those walls. It has to be. 
Your eyes flutter closed, and you drop your hands, ready to feel the clicker tear you apart. But it never comes. Instead, you hear a gunshot, and then another. And your eyes snap open. 
It’s Joel. He runs over, pulling a shiv from his pack and jabbing it into the clicker’s throat. You hear it gurgle over its blood, disgusted by the sound, horrified that you’ve been found. 
The creature collapses quietly into the snow, painting the white with bright red. Joel reaches down to grab you. You try to wriggle away, but can’t. He’s too strong. You’re too tired. 
He pulls you up, and you start crying, falling into his chest. Fuck, you hate this. But he saved you. He always saves you. 
He grabs your arms in a tight grip, looking you over as he holds you. He shakes his head, disappointment heavy on his features. “What did I tell you?” He yells. “What did I say!” 
“Joel,” you whimper, lip quivering as you look up into his dark eyes. 
“Do you know how stupid you are for running from me?” He hisses. “Stupid girl, I take care of you!” 
“I’m sorry, Joel,” you cry. He grunts and grabs your face in his hands. 
“Don’t ever try that again,” he warns. “You’re mine. You are mine.” His face softens as his words settle around you. “Okay?” 
As warm tears trail down your cheeks, you nod. “I know, Joel,” you whisper. “I’m yours.” 
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Masterlist
Joel Miller Taglist: @swtaura - @chxpsi - @extraneous-trip - @cerebellam - @tiredbeebo - @kirsteng42 - @trickstersp8
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ninapi · 8 months
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- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ Re:Born ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌
Premise: In a world dominated by androids, the few remaining humans had to fight for survival. Your boyfriend Suguru, wanted to destroy them all and regain supremacy of the lost world, yet things don't always go as planned. A love once lost, solidifies. An opportunity to go back into the arms of a man that has always loved you since the beginning of time.
Word Count: 3351
Note: This is a romance Sci-fi Au. You can read the first chapter here :)
Chapter 2: Change of heart
The dreadful weather had been too much to handle, the clouds full of filth produced the most awful acid rain in decades, making it impossible for any of you to leave the compound.
Even with the gloomy weather and without any sort of good news, this was a lovely morning.
Satoru, as he has been doing as of late, stayed with you for the night.
You woke up to his soft snores pressed against your ear, his arm draping around you tightly keeping you in place. It’s strange how you’ve got to this point without even having to discuss whatever the thing you were having at the moment was.
With Suguru, things were always slower, well thought, there was always a plan behind everything, steps that must be followed.
But with Satoru, everything was spontaneous, there was no need for explanations or planning, things just happened, and it felt good, if there were no expectations previously set, there was no disappointment later on. With Satoru things were fun, extreme at times, but fun. Memories of both of you diving naked in the toxic river at ten years of age filled your morning making you giggle and waking him up from his slumber.
“What’sso funny baby?” his slurred speech suggested he was more asleep than anything else, he was always like this, anything would wake him up, always with his guard up no matter what. “It’s nothing, go back to sleep it’s still early.” uttering your words in a hushed tone made him cuddle you closer, unable to keep his hands to himself. Your belly was so soft and warm, he loved running his long fingers along your smooth skin, especially now that you let him slither into your shirt just a bit, if he behaves. Dreams of a hopefully not so distant future where it is full with his child plaguing his thoughts.
“How can I go back to sleep when I have this gorgeous babe in my arms?” he placed a soft kiss on the back of your neck, sending chills throughout your entire body.
Before you could reply though, your bedroom door opened up startling you both, a very agitated Shoko could be seen within seconds. This should be a revelation to her, yet somehow, she wasn’t surprised to see a half naked Gojo in your bed.
“Geto is awake (Y/N)…” it’s all she said before leaving you two to process her words, closing your door behind her.
“Wasn’t the door locked?” you just blinked in Satoru’s direction, this could have been worse, what if it was Yaga? Seeing Satoru in your bed was more problematic than one would think. Yaga wanted him married to Utahime, it was no secret to any, this could ruin his life for good, a terrifying thought.
“Baby…did you not hear Shoko…?” his arms tightened his grip around you in a possessive way, he could see how you were blocking reality and he wished he could do the same, he didn’t want to lose you, he knew the moment they walked out of that room he would be forced to back down to the childhood friend position once more and he hated that with all his guts.
“I did…” you heard it, yet you weren’t running into your man’s arms. Could it be possible that you were just as afraid as he was?
“Is that not what you wanted? To have Suguru back?”
“I don’t know what I want anymore Satoru…I don’t think I can face him right now…” you turned around in his grip, facing his chest while hiding yourself in it. This has become your safe place, the sound of his heartbeat made you sleep peacefully, no more nightmares, no more worrying about the crazy conspiring ideas of your beloved boyfriend, with Satoru there was no need to think of keeping yourself alive, he would keep you safe no matter what, he would be there for you always, you were a priority not a puzzle piece.
You didn’t know you needed to feel needed, loved, desired. You thought you were all that actually, until Satoru came back into your life and showed you how different things could be.
It was an awful thought, it made you feel bad, your boyfriend had been through a lot, you should be there by his side, yet you didn’t want to leave the warmth of this man’s embrace.
“I’ve always known what I want. And that's in my arms right now…” lifting your chin gently with his index finger, he placed a soft loving kiss to your lips, causing tears to spill from the corners of your eyes.
“But we gotta get going.” you just nodded before placing one more kiss to his lips, sorrow and pain could be felt from it, hitting Satoru deep where it hurts.
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Your father was patiently waiting for you to arrive, he had hoped you would come faster though, confirming his suspicions, the Gojo clan had seduced his daughter once more.
He thinks of the times his wife was still alive, how she actually wanted you to marry the young Gojo and bring beautiful babies to this devastated wasteland, ‘eye candy for the suffering souls’, she said. It was him the one who insisted on choosing the Geto family instead, Suguru’s rebellious nature inspired him to get out of the misery their community lived under, they were elite, and elite doesn’t live the way you did.
Following your mother’s death, you decided to listen to him, entertain the Geto boy for the sake of your family and the community, though a beautiful relationship was born from that selfish wish.
But your father wasn’t dumb, he’s seen how much brighter you look nowadays.
He thought you were happy with Geto, he thought he did the right thing separating you from the Gojo kid, but he wasn’t so sure anymore. Geto’s rebellion did put you in harm ways more than once, you almost got killed for following him to his attempts of destroying the androids and reclaiming the world for ‘the better race’.
Satoru was already strong just by existing, he didn’t need validation from anyone else, didn’t have to train or learn new skills, he would dedicate his time to follow you around and make a fool of himself. He hated people like that, but you seemingly didn’t, and he didn’t want to think of his daughter as less than anyone in his clan, you were the elite in medicine, yet you weren’t that interested in the field, sending Shoko to be his apprentice instead.
For Suguru that was a stupid decision and he kept pushing you to learn from your father, something he greatly appreciated. But Satoru…he didn’t allow him to speak ill to you even when you were his daughter, he didn’t allow him to order you around. Sure, that sounded nice to you, but to him felt like defiance, something he didn’t like in the slightest.
When Suguru opened his eyes, the amount of happiness within him was beyond words, but he hadn’t said one word since then, and didn’t really until you arrived.
“(Y/N)-san..?” his words left you all speechless.
“R-chan…?” you were by his side within seconds, fear left your body along with Satoru’s in realization. Suguru wasn’t there anymore…
“It appears something went wrong. I do have his memories, but for some reason I’m the main driver of his body. Don’t understand the reasoning behind it though, when I scanned him last his personality traits were still intact.” the large scar with sutures on his forehead was a constant reminder of the awful deeds that lead Suguru to this table, but at the same time it was a reminder that the one inside his body had no fault whatsoever in past occurrences.
“So that’s it? The Geto boy is lost?” your father could hear your future shatter in the background, the one he wanted for you at least. He dreamed of being on Geto’s side when he was crowned as king of the new world, to have you sit right next to him, take the glory for your clan. But now, you’d be just a damn stay at home mom for all Satoru would care. A lovely future to your eyes, but a lackluster one in the eyes of powerful men of age.
Satoru remained quiet, holding you by your waist. He was happy to see his android friend back, happy he wouldn’t have to put his love on hold once again, but was also sad to see his best friend was lost for sure this time, there was no coming back from this and he knew it.
“R-chan…how are you feeling? Is it weird to be in a human body? Do you think the surgery worked in your favor at least?” your father thought about it, maybe it was a plan for the robot to survive, they had no feelings, killing one more human wouldn’t make a difference to them. But the look of happiness and innocence on the boy’s face was not one of someone with bad intentions.
“I feel some rumbles in what Satoru-kun called ‘tummy’, could that mean I’m defective?” this made you all chuckle, the light had been brought back into your life in a very unexpected way.
“No, buddy. That means you’re hungry.” the gasp that left his lips made even your father laugh. Seeing him gorge down some porridge was a sight to remember. It was nice seeing such an innocent smile on his face, it reminded you of the times when Suguru wasn’t so consumed by hatred, when all he wanted was to help around and to be a good match to his girl.
Those were good times, precious memories of yours.
“(Y/N)-san I must apologize. When I got in his body, I got to see a recollection of his entire life in the process. I feel entitled to tell you that he always knew Satoru-kun loved you and was indeed very scared of you finding that out. Thanks to that memory I got to learn what the feeling of fear was actually like, finally.” you just nodded quietly, it didn’t surprise you if you were being honest. If there was one bad thing about Suguru even when he was not as lost, was how possessive he was, which is why your friendship with Satoru had been dwelled down as you became an adult and officially his.
“How about the feeling of love? you said you wanted to know how that felt like the most.” If he had seen Suguru’s life, he should certainly know what it felt like now. Or so he implied but knew otherwise.
The cyborg just shook his head, a sad expression covering his features, “Not sure. I was able to feel (Y/N)-san’s love…” his cheeks turned rosy, suddenly the pink lights within him making sense in an inexplicable way. “But on his side, it was different. He wanted her, but not in the tender way you do.” tears were running down your face, deep within you always knew he didn’t love you the way you did, he was a great friend, nobody would dare to question that, but his life goals and all his thoughts were someplace else since the very beginning, “As someone who had no capacity to love, myself, I can say that he had the same issue. His feelings were very dark, he wanted to bring destruction to this world even if that caused you all to die. It was a very interesting experience seeing everything from his perspective, but I must say I wish I had been put in some other container with nicer feelings towards others.”
“It’s ok, buddy. You’re not him. Now you get to experience all the feelings you wanted for yourself, just keep that in mind. You’re not him.” to this he just nodded, laying himself down once more to rest, his physical state wasn’t the best just yet and needed to stay there for a while.
“You can go now, daughter. I will leave Shoko in charge while I figure out how to explain this to Yaga without getting you killed.”
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Unable to lie completely to Yaga, the leader decided to change their approach in security. If one android managed to go past it, more could do the same. You were just lucky he was a good android, a concept they didn’t know existed and gave them a new perspective in things.
Geto, as he was now called by everyone, seemed to enjoy his freedom in the community.
He took lessons from young Megumi on how to survive around the camp, from Nobara about fashion and art of old times and from Yuuji in martial arts.
Even if his body was older than them in age, his personality was closer to the youngsters, making him want to spend more time with them than doing boring chores around the compound.
Yet, he would still spend a good amount of his free time talking to you, his friends.
Having Suguru’s memories confused him, he would dream of having you by his side, of your soft hands caressing his body…he got to understand the concept of hormones after a while, his hand becoming his best friend at times of need, that was also learned through his memories, by the way.
He didn’t know if he liked you because he was in Suguru’s body or if he just did on his own. He remembered his droid self and how his pink lights startled him without ever figuring out what they meant, how he now understands how happy he was back then sharing your room and being always with you and Satoru.
He wanted to hate him honestly, and a part of him did.
He didn’t like how he didn’t care about others seeing you together anymore, how he would freely kiss you wherever you were, how he would get to hold your hand and embrace you constantly. He wished he could do the same and the memory of you doing it to his host body just made everything worse. He was sure these were bad feelings, he read about it before, how envy and lust driven thoughts ended humanity, he knew this were Suguru’s feelings, not his, but seeing your face just made that line blur to a worrying extent.
He wished to do unspeakable things to you, from kissing you to have you all to himself, to have you at his mercy, see your broken face tearing up just for him, caused by the amount of pleasure he could give you. Those thoughts terrified him, he felt like he was being hacked, his body would react in awkward ways and he hated himself for that, made him feel dirty.
It came to a point where he just couldn’t hold it in any longer, trying his luck, he held you from behind, nuzzling your neck with the tip of his nose, his hair tickling the sides of your face while you folded laundry, a known yet confusing feeling. “Buddy what’s up? Are you feeling lonely?” you continued treating him like a puppy dog, even when he was now inside the very large frame of your ex-boyfriend.
“Yes. You always hug Satoru-kun, I wondered how that felt like.” you turned around, hugging his waist, to you he was just your android friend, the image of Suguru was blocked now in your heart for good. Knowing he never loved you hurt like swallowing acid, you didn’t want to face such past, so you just dumped all your memories of him in the trash and embraced your lonely droid friend instead.
“You can hug us whenever you want, buddy.”
“Hey, don’t count me in there, ok? I don’t wanna be hugged by Suguru’s body…” Satoru wasn’t jealous, he knew deep inside there was just his android friend, there was not even an ounce of Suguru within this man, but he wanted you to remember that as well.
“Satoru…he isn’t Suguru ok? Let’s just not say that name again, it will make all of us uncomfortable.”
“To be honest, sometimes I feel like he’s still here. I have awful thoughts of jealousy and anger bursts. I don’t think that comes from me but from him reacting to what he sees through my eyes. It’s very scary…” you rubbed his sides tenderly, wanting to offer some sort of comfort to his distress.
“So he misses (Y/N), huh? Give me a break will you…he should have been a better boyfriend if he was going to be this way…” pulling you away from him, Satoru brought you to his chest, pouting.
“Like how you are the best boyfriend there is~?” lifting his spirits was quiet easy, having him snuggle his cheek on yours in seconds.
“Exactly.”
Your eyes remained on your Scared-faced friend, a gentle smile gracing your lips, “Don’t let his feelings intervene with your own, buddy. He had his chance and lost it. Now it’s your time to live, to be happy, to experience life.”
“Would you show me what love feels like? I don’t think I could get it from anyone else….” Satoru gasped loudly, your hand reaching for his in reassurance.
“There are many types of love. I already love you, you know? You’re a very important part of my life. When your battery died I felt like a part of me died with you. But remember what we told you that one day? Friends love each other too, in a platonic way. We both love you very much, you, not Suguru. Don’t let him cloud your judgement.” he just nodded, sadness could be seen emanating from him like some sort of curse.
“I’m sorry bud. You know how much she means to me and how hard it’s been for me to have her, I won’t be handing her out to anyone, ever. But like she said, you’re already an important part of our life and we would like to have you in it for as long as possible.”
“Can I…hug you…?” his puppy eyes were unbeatable, both of you opening your arms to welcome him in your shared embrace.
“I think I understand platonic love. I promise I will try to block those evil thoughts from now on, I want to respect you and love you both truly.” he was rubbing his cheek between both of your faces making you chuckle, he was adorable indeed.
Thanks to him many things changed around the compound, for the best.
Not only had Yaga improved the security around, but also the perception of androids had changed quite a bit.
Sharing his android knowledge with everyone made the entire community not only learn about the past of humanity but also about androids and their struggles, how not only military droids were out here and how they weren’t as different as humans were.
Your relationship with Satoru was accepted by Yaga after much convincing. Truth is Utahime had a very big, fat crush on Shoko and didn’t know how to go around rejecting Satoru, for a woman…so it played just fine for her to cancel the arrangement.
Your father works now with your android friend developing new tools and medicine for things that had no cure in your world but his database had clues on.
Everyone ended up accepting the new cyborg Geto, even those who despised Suguru in the past.
Overall, the compound was now a brighter place to live in, even if the quality of life kept diminishing.
Moving in officially with Satoru was just your final step towards happiness. A bigger pod was offered for you as your family was soon to grow with such a needy partner beside you.
A room was also secured in it for Geto to live in. He was part of your family now, not as your husband as it was intended, but family of some sort, sharing your living quarters seemed appropriate to the three of you. Labels weren’t really required anymore, everyone around accepted the complex relationship you three had, unexpectedly.
Love isn’t always easy to understand, people isn’t always comfortable with concepts they can’t quite understand, but one thing was certain, love filled every corner of your household as new ways to return to a better world were explored, not as the supremacy Suguru intended for humanity, but as equals.
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Masterlist Previous Chapter
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I’ve been going through the Robins/James radio episodes, and have been sort of keeping up with the rest of John Robins’ things in chronological order. Heard him plug his first RHLSTP episode on the radio, and then listened to that episode. Re-listened to his 2014 and 2015 stand-up shows when I reached those points in the radio show. Listening to this show has been making me want to re-watch The Darkness of Robins, but I’m going to wait to do that until I’m at the point in the radio show where he starts performing Darkness of Robins (I think that’ll be around spring 2017, I’m currently into October 2016 on the radio). I find it interesting to hear all these things in context, to listen to them when I know exactly what John Robins was doing when they were recorded because he discusses it for three hours a week on the radio.
He’s appeared on Mock the Week twice. Once was in July 2016, which he plugged a few times on the radio show before it aired, and then discussed it on the radio after it aired. I re-watched it when I got to those episodes, and it was fine. He didn’t say much. He got a couple of half decent jokes in.
I have now reached the point of his second and (understandably) final Mock the Week appearance, which was in October 2016. He first mentioned it on the radio in September 2016, when he said he’d received a jury summons, and had to tell them he couldn’t do it because it would conflict with Mock the Week filming. And I kept saying… no! No, don’t do it, John! Go serve on the jury! Do your civic duty! Take the excuse to get out of Mock the Week!
But he was let out of jury service. He plugged his Mock the Week appearance again the week before it. I was curious to get to the first radio episode after his second Mock the Week appearance aired, because I wanted to see what he’d say about it. I listened to that episode today, and the answer was nothing. No mention of the panel show whatsoever, from John or from Elis. This was a glaring omission, as they debriefed about it after the first time he went on there and after the time Elis went on there. But it seems that they decided his second appearance was such a disaster that it’s not even a lighthearted enough thing to make jokes about, they just need to pretend it didn’t happen.
This episode is the main reason why I vaguely disliked John Robins for several years. I knew almost nothing about him, except that he did a radio show with Isy Suttie’s husband and he used to date Sara Pascoe and live with Jon and Russell in Bristol. Then I saw him in the trainwreck of a Mock the Week episode, where he came off as an absolute prick, and I decided I do not like that man who used to date and/or live with those other comedians. I saw him on a few other things – As Yet Untitled, he guested on the radio show with Richardson – but at that point the fact that I’d already decided I disliked him just made his presence there annoy me more. I continued to hold this opinion until November 2022, when I watched The Darkness of Robins, and I nearly got whiplash from how fast I turned my view of him around. It turns out that you shouldn’t judge people just from one panel show appearance that they filmed while they were having a bad time.
So I’m now going to re-watch that second Mock the Week episode, which I haven’t actually seen since I first watched Mock the Week in the fall of 2020. I just remember it being bad. He was on there with Sara Pascoe, who was his girlfriend at the time but they broke up a couple of months later, and as I recall, the fact that they were on the edge of a breakup was very visible throughout the episode. And it was hard to watch. And I think Sara was also a bit annoying but he was worse – that’s what I recall. I’ll see how it looks when I watch it again.
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denimbex1986 · 5 months
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'If last week was frantic, fast, and offering a wide open welcome mat to Doctor Who fans new and old, Wild Blue Yonder felt like a demonstration of what the show can do and has done. First half hour? Good. Second half hour? Great.
We left the Doctor and Donna – David Tennant and Catherine Tate – in a TARDIS out of control at the end of last week’s The Star Beast. Wild Blue Yonder, the middle part of the 60th anniversary trilogy of Doctor Who, initially took things from there just via, er, 1666. Bonus points if you were instantly trying to work out if we were in the territory of the bubonic plague or the Great Fire Of London when that date popped up on screen.
Turns out, neither. In a tip of the hat to how much more money the show has its disposal, it was all a set up for a gag about gravity. Respect. Russell T Davies has just told the year’s most expensive dad joke.
But, post credits, this was at its best top tier Russell T Davies Doctor Who.
It was bold early.
Wild Blue Yonder robbed the Doctor very early in the story of two of his most potent pieces of equipment: his trusty sonic screwdriver, and his TARDIS. Both gone, minutes after the majestic blue box had been belching out massive flames. I was expecting, at that stage, more fast and furious stuff. Turns out I got quite the opposite.
he first effect of taking the TARDIS away was to give some time to settle and actually spend some time with the Doctor and Donna. The pair were running around so much in the fast-paced The Star Beast last week, that stopping for a proper chat was out of the question.
Here, that was happily remedied.
In fact, the episode itself was slower, calmer and really crept up the longer it went. Like a slow moving robot going along a corridor. Doctor Who the show may have new clothes and new resources, but I like Davies established that for all that, it’s still a show where the brakes matter. When you go slower, the impact can double.
The basics: we got an apparently abandoned spaceship that itself presents mysteries, and a posh remote camera to help explore it. But for the Doctor, something unfamiliar: a lack of stars, the edge of creation, a hundred trlllion years from Earth. Where even the Time Lord hadn’t been before, and seemingly didn’t know what to expect.
A bit of licking (yep) and joshing later, and out came a dash of Everything Everywhere All At Once. Extended arms that I thought were going to be played for comedy (and there were chuckles in the episode). But Davies wrongfooted me again, continually shifting the foundations of tone: turns out that if you’re looking to come up with a really creepy foe for David Tennant to face off against, you can do a lot worse than recruit David Tennant and Catherine Tate. It took a while, but I started to get Midnight vibes from it all, and that’s a very high Who bar.
It did take me a little time to settle though, and I’m about to pen a couple of churlish paragraphs for which the internet should hate me. Deep breath, here goes.
It does seem odd to note some of the effects work on Doctor Who, given what many of us grew up with. But the future craft on which the Doctor and Donna landed looked like it was made with a computer, and it didn’t look like they were there. It’s an odd side effect of the budget of the show, and being able to consistently afford nice things: the nice things are in turn held to a higher standard.
I feel weird typing that paragraph about Doctor Who. But for a moment, and this doesn’t usually happen, it took me out of things. I was back in for the most bizarre chase sequence I’ve seen all year, mind. And I happily watched the show without murmur of complaint throughout the 1980s. I’m clearly a spoilt whingebag.
Nice tip of the hat to Thunderbirds at one point. Let me get out of this hole by recognising that.
I bring all that up because in the first half of Wild Blue Yonder I was noticing stuff like that. In the second, I was absolutely gripped. When the Doctor and Donna properly went head-to-head with the Doctor and Donna? Well, with huge applause to the two actors at the heart of it, I became more and more unnerved. In a good way.
It’s like the shoot-out in something like the classic movie For A Few Dollars More, with two people working the other out, taking turns to take shots. Metaphorical ones here, as each explains whether the other was real or not.
Loved that.
As the episode went on, just where the floor of reality sat became less and less clear. Related: the more ambiguous Wild Blue Yonder became, it all became richer. Even when David Tennant’s head basically poked out of his own arse (it didn’t, but it looked like that), I was engrossed by what was going on..
Coming up with a Doctor Who monster to really get under our skin is a challenge in itself, especially now. Having Tennant and Tate just staring, with a half grin? Well, they’ve outgunned The Meep to my eyes.
Let’s take a moment too to consider the whole Gallifrey got “complicated” aside.
It’s a brief line from the Doctor that he utters, and he ain’t bloody kidding. Like it or not, the Chris Chibnall era of Doctor Who made a lot of Gallifrey (far more than Davies was ever inclined to do in his first run at Who), and anyone picking up those threads was always going to facing, well, let’s go with ‘a challenge’.
However, thrown into the mix here – although whether to believe it is a question in itself – is that the Doctor perhaps isn’t as sure of his roots as we’ve been led to believe. Might he not be from Gallifrey? Is it really possible that Davies has found something else in the character’s origin, six decades on? This is also picking up the mantle of The Timeless Child, introduced during the 13th Doctor’s era.
Will Davies choose to run with it? As the Time Lord himself once said, “time will tell. It always does”.
As much as Russell T Davies is a whizz at delivering a one-hour blockbuster episode of the show, he’s also proven he’s capable of offbeat, weird and unpredictable stories. I’m going to namecheck Midnight again, because – unexpectedly – it feels to me like an ideal companion piece for Wild Blue Yonder. Midnight-ish, on a bigger canvas, with the slowest ticking bomb Who has probably ever seen.
I thought it was terrific.
Credit too to director Tom Kingsley, and enormous applause for just how strong the work of Catherine Tate and David Tennant was here.
But the final word goes to one man: Bernard Cribbins. The last scenes that he shot for Doctor Who, just before we lost him in 2022, ended the episode. I thought that was a lovely, lovely touch. Sure, there was a massive plane above his head, but the ultimate focus was, rightly, on a much-missed actor. How fitting that the episode was dedicated to him. I can’t have been the only one with dust in my eye.
Next week, this trio of specials comes to an end with The Giggle. The trailer promises much. I’d suggest Wild Blue Yonder has set an early high bar for this latest era of Doctor Who.
Now, if you don’t mind, I’m off to watch it again. And to tip my hat to Bernard one more time…'
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fandomsaligninstories · 4 months
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Year Two: Slytherins Prank First-Years
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Chapter List
WC: 2,052
4th September, 1992
Violet wanted nothing more than to sleep in Friday morning. She had Astronomy until midnight with the Gryffindors the previous night, and didn't make it to bed until nearly an hour later. Despite her disdain for Professor Lockhart, and how boring she found History of Magic, Astronomy was her most hated class.
She didn't think she'd ever need to use it in her daily life, and it wasn't fair that students were forced to stay up so late then have early morning classes the following day. Everyone could see how exhausted the students were the mornings after Astronomy, so some of the professors took pity and went easy on the students whenever they had the first class of the day. Naturally, Professor Lockhart was not one of said professors.
Violet and her friends were quiet throughout breakfast, trying to rub the sleep from their eyes long enough to eat something to get them through the morning. Worse yet, their first class of the day was Defense Against the Dark Arts. Which meant an hour of listening to Lockhart teach about himself and all the girls sigh dreamily at him.
All Violet wanted was a quiet morning. So when she got to class and sat down without any harassment from the Slytherins, she was immediately suspicious.
"Hey..." She looked around the room, turning to Aimee and Hannah, "Where are all the Slytherins?"
"What do you-" Hannah paused, looking up to notice the half empty room, "Odd. None of them are here?"
With only three minutes to the start of class, Violet couldn't think of a single reasonable explanation. She stared at the door, glancing frequently to the clock. Only at the very last second did the Slytherin second-years walk in, looking as if nothing were amiss. Which, to Violet, meant something bad had happened, or would be happening at some point.
She narrowed her eyes as she caught sight of Draco Malfoy, who was wearing that evil smirk of his as he sat at his desk. He made a show of dropping his bag onto the table, pulling out his things, then turning to look at her. His smirk widened as he waved his fingers at her. Her expression didn't change until he looked away. She dropped her gaze to her hands, which were clenched on the table.
"Whatever they did, best we stay out of it." Aimee warned her friends, also having noticed Malfoy's behavior.
Neither Hannah or Violet disagreed.
Class went on as normal, Lockhart taking the entire hour to discuss how he had defeated the Bandon Banshee, referencing his book "Break with a Banshee" every chance he got. Violet decided then that she wouldn't read any of his books, especially if he was just going to discuss them in such great length in class all year.
By the time lunch rolled around two hours later, Violet was tempted to skip the meal and take a nap. She had double-Transfiguration directly after, which was always an entertaining class, but it was nearly three hours long and would require intense concentration, as they were working on turning beetles into buttons, and she was having a difficult time with it.
Her friends dragged her to lunch, but she didn't put up much up a fight. She hadn't eaten much at breakfast and was famished. Plus, as she'd soon find out, she would finally learn what trouble the Slytherins had gotten into.
As she was having a conversation with Cedric about the dancing feet charm the second-years had been introduced to in Charms that morning, a loud commotion turned the attention of everyone in the Great Hall to the entrance of the room.
Several first-year students came running in, a mixture of Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and Gryffindors shouting and running towards the back of the hall. Even over the shouting, the entire Slytherin table could be heard laughing.
As the first-years got closer, Violet realized they were covered in some sort of shiny substance.
"What the-" Violet flinched back when a student knocked into her, leaving a trail of the sticky substance on her cloak.
Cedric leaned towards her, lifted her sleeve to his nose. His nose wrinkled as he scrunched his face together, "Flobberworm mucus. It's used it potions as a thickener. Why are they covered in this stuff?"
"Slytherins." Several people around them spoke, including Violet.
"That must be why they were late to class this morning, they were setting up a... prank?" Aimee hesitated to call it a prank, as they didn't really know how the first-years had come to be covered in the stuff.
"I'm sure they think they're brilliant, don't they? Picking on the first-years." Violet rolled her eyes in a huff. In the corner of her eye, she noticed a lone first-year still standing by the door. Luna Lovegood, she realized. She was standing with that far away look, as if she didn't even notice the mucus covering her hair and clothes.
"Excuse me." Violet grabbed her bag and rushed to the girl, stopping in front of her, "Hey, you alright?"
"Hm?" Luna's attention turned to Violet, though her eyes were barely focused, "Oh, yes. I'm not sure what this is..." She looked down at herself, "It's rather sticky. I need to shower, but I thought a bit of lunch might be nice."
Luna didn't move, staying in the doorway.
"Why don't I bring you something? Do you want anything specific?"
"Oh, anything will do."
Violet nodded then rushed back to her table. She took a clean plate and piled it with food, ignoring her friends' questioning gazes, then went back to Luna, who still hadn't moved.
"C'mon, I'll carry this for you. Where's the Ravenclaw common room?"
"It's upstairs. I can take that-" Luna reached for the plate, but Violet only pulled it closer to her chest.
"Nonsense. You'll get cleaned up then eat. Now c'mon, I've got half an hour until my next class starts, that's plenty of time."
Luna seemed to hesitate for a moment, then turned slowly to start up the stairs. They walked up another flight of stairs before entering what Luna referred to as "Ravenclaw Tower".
Luna told Violet several facts about it, including that it was one of three of the tallest towers at Hogwarts, and that the bronze Eagle on the entrance door required a correctly answered riddle to allow access.
When they finally reached the top of the spiral staircase, Violet sat on the first couch she saw.
"That's so many stairs!" She exclaimed, setting the plate still laden with food on the table and dropping her bag on the floor. Then she looked up, her eyes widening in awe. Luna had already disappeared, presumably to the shower, so Violet took her time moving around the Ravenclaw common room.
The room was located at the top of the tower, so it was round in shape, with a domed ceiling. Looking through the windows, it was possible to see the Great Lake, the herbology greenhouse, the quidditch pitch, and the forbidden forest.
The domed ceiling was painted the houses' royal blue, with gold and silver stars painted across it. The grey stone floor had a rug covering most of it, the rug also royal blue with different astrology signs and symbols on it. Banners with the house crest hung from stone beams across the ceiling, along with a rather large candle-lit chandelier. There were only a couple of chairs, tables, and couches, but there were still books and random items strewn around the room.
Violet ended her little self-tour in front of the giant ceramic statue of Rowena Ravenclaw. Despite the stone, the statue was extraordinarily detailed. She wore her hair in twin braids, which nearly fell to her knees, carried a book in her hand, wore a long, sweeping dress with long, deep sleeves, and a small tiara atop her head.
"Beautiful, isn't she?" Luna asked, her voice causing Violet to jump slightly, "Sorry."
"It's alright. Yes, she was very beautiful." She glanced over the girl in front of her, now wearing a fresh uniform and her damp hair pulled over one shoulder, "Feeling better?"
"Much, thank you."
Luna was one of few words, Violet supposed. She followed the girl back to the couch, picking up her bag when she realized how late it had gotten.
"You're leaving?" Luna looked up from the plate in front of her, a flash of sadness in her eyes. The first real glimpse of emotion she'd really shown.
"Yes, sorry, I don't want to be late to Transfiguration. Sorry about the Slytherins, they're horrible pranksters, but you'll get used to it eventually. That, or they'll get bored of messing with you. I'll be around if you need me, though."
Luna nodded, focusing back on her food, "Thank you, Violet. You're a good friend. Bye now!"
Violet laughed softly at the girls odd but endearing behavior. She started her way down Ravenclaw's spiral staircase, sighing as she realized the Transfiguration classroom was on the other side of the castle... on the first floor.
At the bottom of the spiral staircase, Violet reached for the bronze door handle, only for her hand to find empty air. She blinked a few times, staring at the space, only to realize someone else was standing in front of her.
"Oh!" The boy gasped. Violets eyes shot up, her eyes meeting a brown pair, "Violet? However did you get in here?"
It took a moment for Violet to place his name as Eddie Carmichael, a boy who had helped her during her first week at Hogwarts by stopping her from attacking Draco Malfoy.
She never paid him much attention the previous year. He was a second-year Ravenclaw then, now a third-year, so they never had any real interactions outside of that first time they'd met. They waved in the halls sometimes, but that was about it.
He'd gotten taller- if she weren't still standing on the last step, she would've had to tilt her head back to look up at him. His brown hair was cut close to his head, with a hint of curl at the ends. His skin was tanned, as if he'd spent the entire summer outside.
"Violet?" He repeated her name again, giving her a look to say it wasn't the first time.
Her cheeks tinted pink as she realized she'd been staring at him, "Hm? Oh, sorry! Luna brought me up, she needed to clean up from that stupid prank the Slytherins pulled, so I brought her lunch."
She was speaking too fast, rambling as she twisted the bag of her strap in her hands nervously. Why was she so nervous?
Eddie nodded, humor in his eyes as leaned against the door frame, "I was just on my way to check on her. I heard at lunch what happened, wanted to make sure she was alright. She hasn't had the easiest time here."
Violet furrowed her brow, "Is it the Slytherins? She's a nice girl, but an easy target, it seems. It doesn't seem to bother her much, though."
"Nothing seems to bother her," Eddie agreed, moving inside the stairwell.
Violet moved to step past him, but he reached a hand out to stop her. His hand settled on her arm, a shy smile on his lips.
"Thanks for making sure she was okay... Do you, um... Maybe want to hang out some time?"
Violet tried to keep her face from revealing the shock she felt when she realized he was trying to ask her out. Luckily she was saved from having to respond, the bell signaling the end of lunch interrupting them.
"Sorry, I have to get to class, I'll see you later!" She rushed out, nearly tripping over her feet as she raced across the castle. She didn't look back, so she missed the hurt in Eddies expression as he watched her go.
Her sole focus was to get to Transfiguration so she could talk with her friends, and also so she wouldn't get in trouble with Professor McGonagall.
Though, the closer to class she got, the more she hesitated telling them, a twinge of discomfort at the memory of what had just happened causing her pause.
━⊱༻ ༺⊰━
TAGLIST:
@stellarlune-love
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askaceattorney · 6 months
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Dear Gumshoe-letty-fan,
Chief Mod Edgeworth: Agreed. Klavier got the short end of the stick when it came to his character. Though, he’s not the only one. Franziska also lost her father to prison and has to carry a damaged reputation because of it. If we were to go by location, which is in Japan, there’d have been great shame upon the von Karma’s to the point where Franziska would only be seen as the daughter of a criminal. Thankfully, she did develop from that, but I believe there is a huge character arc missing from Franziska and one I think a lot of fans wish to see.
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Though the one I’d have to choose that had the saddest things happen to him or her, it would be Maya. She’s lost her sister, then was arrested for it. That’s got to be traumatic for her. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my sister and found myself convicted for her murder in one day, let alone five minutes. I mean the girl was so traumatized that she fainted and Phoenix had to carry her to the couch. Then, to find herself arrested because her name was on the receipt her sister supposedly wrote? It doesn’t even end there. A year later, Maya gets arrested again because her Aunt wants to get rid of her to make way for Pearl to be the new Master. Morgan Fey had raised Maya throughout most of her childhood. To find out that someone who is supposedly a second mother to you wants you arrested and possibly dead has to be one of the most dreadful things to swallow, not to mention a serious betrayal. And, just when you think it couldn’t get any worse for Maya, her Aunt makes a pact with her daughter Dahlia WHILE IN PRISON to set up a plan to trick Pearl into channeling Dahlia to kill Maya. Not only is that traumatizing for Pearl, but that is an extra burden on Maya from her end. That’s not counting her mother being killed because she was channeling the very person that was trying to kill her and her sister’s fiancé had to step in to save her. This is just the trilogy. I haven’t even got to the Inmee’s and that whole debacle.
To this day, I do not know how Maya could move on from that. Most people would be suicidal at this point. Yet, she’s able to pick herself back up and move on. I’m convinced Phoenix and Pearl are the reason, but I cannot understand how Maya can go through all that shit without developing some form of PTSD or Depression. It’s one thing to think you killed your parent, but to have your own family try to murder you is another kind of trauma I would not wish on my worst enemy. If I had to choose between Edgeworth’s and Maya’s backstory for anyone, I’d choose Edgeworth’s because he at least can move on knowing he didn’t kill his father and that his mentor is a bitch. I’d like to ask anyone how they’d be able to move on from knowing their secondary mother and Aunt tried to kill them over a leadership position? Edgeworth barely was able to move on from DL-6. How Maya was able to move on from all this shit is a godsend.
Co-Mod: That’s a tough one, but for me, I’d say it’s a tossup between Maya and Athena.  Both of them lost their mothers and were apparently abandoned by their fathers, but unlike Maya, Athena had to actually see it happen during her childhood (and it sure wasn’t a pretty sight), which was so traumatic for her that she didn’t even remember most of it until years later when she had to confront it in order to prove her innocence, and she even had to face the possibility that it might have been her who committed the murder on top of that.  To not only come out of that okay, but to have a constant can-do attitude afterward is nothing short of an incredible feat.
A close second would be Simon Keyes, who developed trust issues at a young age and came to believe that even the law was against him.  As cruel as he became, he was someone in need of saving, as Edgeworth pointed out, and that rescue didn’t come until the very end.  Better than nothing, but it’s still hard for me not to feel for him, or for anyone with that level of mistrust.
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Dear Charicla,
Chief Mod Edgeworth: I’ve never used it, so I wouldn’t know.
In any case, I’ve already decided to delete any letters that look or read like what that troll had been putting out. Even now, they’re trying to sneak in letters from Hotti under different Anonymous names. Thankfully, it’s easy to know which is them, because of their writing style alone.
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(Referenced Link)
Dear Anonymous,
Chief Mod Edgeworth: We never get to the letters in the inbox for a month or a few weeks. Either way, it seems you guys didn’t need our help for Shoe and Wagahai to win against the Baron.
(I’d have voted for both to be honest. I love The Cat Returns.)
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Dear Anonymous,
Chief Mod Edgeworth: Clay Terran. Apollo kept mentioning him throughout Duel Destinies and we never get to see him. I think we should have seen Clay instead of just being told of his existence by Apollo.
Co-Mod: Cindy Stone comes to mind.  I’m not a big fan of models, but it’d be nice to know why she had a soft spot for Larry despite having so many other men who admired her.
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Dear Charicla,
Chief Mod Edgeworth: I’ve never used the block tags on here, so I don’t know what to do about that. As I have said before, the Hotti letters from that troll are gone now, so it shouldn’t be a problem anymore.
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(Referenced Letter)
Dear Anonymous,
Chief Mod Edgeworth: Yes and no. The Squid Game letters were going around at the time and I couldn’t come up with better ideas for Gant’s response. 
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(Referenced Letter)
Dear Pun,
Chief Mod Edgeworth: I wasn’t a mod at the time. I’m assuming this is from Co-Mod. If it is, he’ll answer below. Either way, your words are appreciated.
Co-Mod: Yep, that was me.
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I probably wouldn’t have noticed it myself if you hadn’t pointed it out.  It’s always fun discovering things you didn’t notice before like that, so I’m glad I was able to create that moment for you.
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Dear Anonymous,
Chief Mod Edgeworth: Honestly, all of them. I did mention in your previous letter about not telling the same joke more than three times. This is one example of how it could be done if you were to break that rule. The reason it works is because you’re using the same joke to multiple people, each one of them being different from the other.
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If you really want to start doing letters again, I’d start by either STOP making Hotti letters altogether or writing letters that do not involve Hotti. Take a lesson from Dawsongfg. If you want to write letters again, stop writing the very letters that got you blacklisted in the first place.
Co-Mod: Do old ones count?  If so, I’d probably go with this one.
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Dear Rogertheegg,
Chief Mod Edgeworth: To be honest, I’m not sure. However, someone on here did create an OC that is close to an ideal Prosecutor for Athena. The only thing I remember is that her name was Steele. I loved her design and how she has that Old World/by-the-books mentality that opposes Athena’s New World/technological views. It’s an interesting idea and something I feel we need more of in Ace Attorney: Prosecutors that aren’t assholes and just have a different perspective on things. Sure, we had Klavier, but it’s clear he was only there to represent a reflection of his brother, who was the asshole villain. 
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This is why I’m excited about having Kazuma being a Prosecutor because this means the third game of TGAA will give us a Prosecutor that isn’t an asshole. I think Kazuma would do better as a Prosecutor that isn’t an asshole (the unlikable kind anyways) and is just a Prosecutor with a different set of views. The last case gave us an idea of what that would look like. Just get rid of the revenge thing and you have a Prosecutor who’s stubborn with his views and how he views a crime scene that would be an excellent opponent to Ryunosuke with an overarching conflict that would flow well with it.
Co-Mod: Simple -- use Franziska’s sister (or her niece if she’s a prosecutor by now, which wouldn’t be surprising).  In the words of Phoenix, it’s scary when women fight, and who wouldn’t want to see women like them in a face-to-face courtroom brawl?  I don’t even know what Franziska’s sister or niece are like, but I’m still willing to bet it’d be pretty epic.
Chief Mod Edgeworth: Why does every von Karma have to be a Prosecutor? Can’t we have female prosecutors that are original? 
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Dear Anonymous,
Chief Mod Edgeworth: I think your letters with Phoenix acting stupid are great examples of this. The reason your letters with Phoenix acting stupid work is because he often does this. Granted, there’s context behind it, but it’s because he’s done this before that even Edgeworth can believe those letters are from Phoenix, even if it makes him OOC or more stupid than he normally is. That’s usually the key: it has to be something other characters could believe the character you’re writing would say/do. I will give you one example by using another character known for doing stupid stuff: Dick Gumshoe. 
Dear Mr. Edgeworth,
Man, that Wright character ain’t never gonna win this one for sure. The man I just arrested was the only one found next to the victim inside the bathroom. Sure, the fingerprints don’t match the weapon, but he probably wiped it off or something. It couldn’t have been anyone else but him. Let’s see Mr. Wright try to beat us this time!
- Detective Gumshoe
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Now, while this one does put Gumshoe OOC for arresting someone, knowing the fingerprints don’t match the gun, it is like his character to arrest someone because their name is on the back of the receipt. He also sees Phoenix as an opponent and someone to prove that he’s a good Detective, given how many times he gets his salary cut. You could have him arrest Oldbag because she lost her temper and it would work. Then, you have this:
Dear Mr. Edgeworth,
I just arrested Mr. Wright. I always knew that guy was up to no good! You can count that we’ll get that guy in prison in no time!
- Detective Gumshoe
Not only is this OOC of Gumshoe, but this is not the kind of man he is. He’s not someone who arrests or finds joy in arresting anyone he considers a friend. Hell, he couldn’t even think straight when he had to testify to his crush being a murderer TWICE. He demanded Phoenix to defend Edgeworth the moment he was arrested and he defended Kay when she was accused of murder while amnesic. He might be reckless when arresting someone, but when he has to arrest a friend, he’s going to investigate and find anything he can find to prove his friend didn’t do it. If he has to testify to his findings that point to his friend being the killer, he’s going to be sadder than Ema Skye eating snackoos. 
That’s what you do right with Phoenix. Yes, you’re having him point to everyone being the killer except the killer, but it’s closer to the kind of person he is. He does tend to do that under pressure. You also make sure that he’s not pointing to every character in the games and only points to those who testified in court (like he’s not pointing to Larry and Maya when neither of them testified. I don’t even think you had him accuse Ema since she kinda was in the middle of the trial and Phoenix pulling that stunt would make him seem less stupid and more cruel). Does this help?
-The Mods
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impulsiveswiftie · 1 year
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Taylor Swift.
I started listening to Taylor’s music somewhere around June of 2015, the first ever song that grabbed my attention and confined itself to the inside my head was ‘I Know Places’ off her album ‘1989’. My sister would drive us to school every morning and with that play all of her music. She and I have very different taste so I’d naturally I wouldn’t have a second thought to even consider listening to her music. But one morning she just so happened to play ‘I Know Places’ and for once I actually took off my earbuds and just listened. I can remember it as if it was yesterday, throughout the whole day I had the pre-chorus wedged in my mind. “Cause they got the cages, they got the boxes and guns They are the hunters, we are the foxes and we run’. For the life of me I couldn’t forget it, By the time I got home my brain just hadn’t heard enough of it, so it’s like it recorded the song and stuck it on loop. At that point I made it my lifes mission to listen to the full song to banish it from my consciousness once and for all, littlw did I know that wouldn’t only make my situation ‘worse’. I asked my sister later that night;
“what’s that song we listen to this morning? You know the one with the foxes and cages?”
“I Know Places?” why?”
“It’s stuck in my head and I want to listen to it”... I sat down, looked it up on youtube, and began my journey that most people started in 2009. After a minute into the song, I wanted to know who made this song, so I looked at the Album name ‘1989’ and under it read “Taylor Swift”. I was shocked to be honest, That, song’s I had heard from her were usually country but then I remembered I heard a few ‘newer’ songs like, ‘22’, ‘we are never getting back together’ and ‘I knew you were trouble’. To me that felt almost felt like a life time ago, after hearing and seeing meme’s or hearing people hating on Taylor for no good reason other than it being “popular” to dislike her. Later after listening to the song I didn’t think much after it, I thought to myself “oh cool nice to see she’s still putting out music, it’s good song”. I carried on with my life as normal right up until summer break however that’s when Taylor Swift, quickly, (or should I say swiftly) took over my music taste. The radio station played about 9 songs in total off of ‘1989’. Now I am not going to say i’m at all music connoisseur but i’ve definitely listened to the radio long enough to know a bunch of different artists and their songs. But this summer was so special, I was introduced to what would become my favorite album. The eight song I heard were, ‘Out Of The Woods’, ‘Wildest Dreams’, ‘Style’, ‘Welcome To New York’, ‘Shake It Off’, ‘Blank Space’, ‘Bad Blood’, ‘Wonderland’ and ‘New Romantics’. At this point sitting in the car with my mom, I said “Alright well at this point, I might as well listen to the whole album” and that’s exactly what I did. The only downside is that when I find a song that I just absolutely adore and love, I will play it on repeat until it’s the most hated song i’ve ever heard. So it took me a good year to listen to get through the whole album and to discover that the deluxe edition existed. Soon after that I watched the “1989 World Tour Live” and never have I ever in my entire life have I wanted to be at a concert so bad. It was the most enjoyable thing to watch. The most emotional part of the tour was when Taylor gave her speech right before playing ‘Clean’. Her words in her speech,
“do you know what I think is being cool? It's being happy. And you seem really happy tonight, Sydney! You know, when somebody criticises you, or says something behind your back - those words that they said about you, it's like you feel like those words are written all over your face, all over you. And... and then, those words start to become echoes in your own mind. And then, there's a real risk that those words could become a part of how you see yourself. The moment that you realise that you are not the opinion of somebody who doesn't know you or care about you that moment, when you realise that, it's like you're clean."
I, for whatever reason, never thought i’d be touched and or moved by someone elses words but after hearing her, it’s almost like the weight of my problems and issues at the time evaporated. Things weren’t confusing or hazy anymore, they were crystal clear…. I am NOT the opinion of someone else who didnt care about me, my feelings OR even know me. I am my own person and the only person who should hear and know my truth and value is me. In conclusion how Taylor herself put it, “It was one of those remarkable moments in time where everything felt exciting” and that’s exactly how I felt watching and listening to her. and so from that moment up until august 2017, I consumed everything ‘1989’ related. I watched the movie at least 5 times, acting as if I was apart of the crowd as they all danced screamed and cried. I’ve never had such an emotional experience to music or a concert and this was only the first 2 years before, ‘Reputation’.
To be continued in next post!
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iseesound · 1 year
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𝐈 𝐒𝐄𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃! 𝐑𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐨, 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐎𝐟 𝐂𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫🗡️
Aired 02.09.23
Featuring music from Injury Reserve, Joe Glass, Radiohead and more.
Listen on Spotify and Apple Music.
If you think this is about you, it probably is.
I have yet to feel worse than the day my closest friend betrayed the trust I had in her. (Woah getting personal today aren't we). I find it funny I started making these mixes for my friends and she was the first one to get one, and now almost two years later am doing much more with it.
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Beginning with the first three songs, I tried to capture the three main themes throughout the set. "The Inflated Tear" by Rahsaan Roland Kirk was used in the movie "Judas and The Black Messiah" which I find fitting to start a set about betrayal with a song that was used thematically throughout a movie about betrayal. My feelings about everything, to this day, confuse me. Half of me tries to move on, while the other one is still angry. Although the song "u" is about Kendrick Lamar's own internal turmoil. If you turn the second verse onto someone else, or the beginning of the third verse, the verses mirror the same turmoil I felt when I heard about all the things she told my friends. Everything I do, I do with intention. With these sets, I often recontextualize music, and give it new meaning. Which sounds like a pretentious way of making playlists, but I don't see it that way.
It was around September I was able to get over everything that happened. There was this vulnerability, which is expressed in "Time" by George Riley, that I began to feel.
"I'm very protective over my space I don't let no one in unless I'm satisfied they're good and humble Don't like to mingle with the fickle and fake"
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I love how this song starts, there's a lot of rock/indie songs in here with guitars/strings being the main instrument. It helps with the cohesiveness of the whole set itself. I'm not an avid Radiohead listener, but the song, even with its clear message of finding real friends, these particular set of lyrics, remind me of the stupidity of it all.
"They brought in the CIA The tanks and the whole marines To blow me away To blow me sky high"
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I saw Joe Glass preform "Slither" live last week on Two Faced Radio. (Thursdays from 3PM-5Pm right after my show ;) ) Seeing his fingers dance on the neck of his guitar in person really cemented my love for this song.
"Was there nothing he could Do to make her stay?"
There was a point where I didn't really care about what happened. I was more caught up in salvaging the friendship then realizing how bad it was. Looking back at it now, it was her way of ending our friendship, maybe out of spite, or maybe something else. It was about half a year of uncomfortable conversations that made me feel worse.
The downside of becoming so close to someone, is how intertwined they become with your own life. Our lives began to intersect everywhere. For a long time I wondered what would I say when I would see her. I realized after a while, I really didn't want to say anything. They probably would not mean the same to her anyways.
My American Life, Brockhampton
"And I got nothing to give, that's why I made you this tape I been climbin' this wall, how much more can I take? Sometimes I think about dyin', but then I think of those days Sometimes I wish we could speak, but I have nothing to say"
Bust, Lomelda
"I thought of so many things To say to you, to you But what were they What were they What were they to you, to you"
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Reflecting back on it all. What happened, and our friendship. I began to realize that it wasn't as healthy as I thought it was. Ironically, I put this in a mix I made her right after everything happened. But I realize now what Clairo meant in "Little Changes" by singing:
"He loved me good enough to calm me down But tried to trick me into little changes
I see the end before it begins"
I have a photo wall in my room. With pictures of my friends and family. She's in a few. There's a few with other friends that have faded. On a call once with my friend, I asked him, "I should take these down shouldn't I?" What he said to me has stuck to me even till now. "You can still be happy with the good memories you have."
"But white noise comes from nothing at all And finally I feel Good Good to fall between The ones I love and the ones that faded"
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The vulnerability I'm trying to express, where I'm trying to figure out how to express is hard to put into words. I feel like it's just plain corny. But sometimes the most clear way to express is just being honest about.
Personally, Omar Apollo
"Too many people I don't see no more Too many feelings I don't feel no more 'Cause I really don't wanna be here alone Too many people I don't need no more So many doubts that I stop keeping score"
I could go on and on about "Glory", from the way Hodge censors himself, to his mention of Jesus. But I own three frogs, and so all I have to mention from this song is this line:
"Dissecting my life apart like a frog with no ribbit"
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I just recently got into beabadoobee, "broken cd" repeats the whole mixtape theme I have going on. Though I'm the only one who really understands that with the way I make connections in these playlists.
I go back in forth with my feelings about the whole situation. But for the most part I kept quiet about it.
TO FEEL ALIVE, Kali Chis
"I let them crucify me I kept my head down, humble Some people get their kicks just steppin' on your dreams, I know it"
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I remember when “Non Voglio Mai Vedere Il Sole Tramontare” was released, Caroline Polachek had announced it saying it was out of character for her. It doesn’t surprise me she can sing opera so well. (Its to my understanding an opera about Kurt Cobain’s last days.) The translation of the title is “I Never Want to See the Sun Go Down.”
“Outside” by Injury Reserve is the opening track for the album By The Time I Get To Phoenix. Setting the scene for the feeling of the album. Theres a line where Ritchie with a T raps,
“Got my skeletons, you've got yours But let's be honest here  This, this don't end with agree and disagree That ain't possible There's just some things  There's just some things that ain't right"
There was this one conversation I had with her, trying to understand why she switched up on me so suddenly and I realized there was no way it was going to end with us being as close as we had been just a week before.
“The Wake Pt. 3 & 2” by Slauson Malone calls back to the trumpets from “The Inflated Tear” and the strings heard throughout the set like in “Slither”. Though the lyrics remind me of one of the last real conversations I had with her.
“I know, you know I'll be at your wake, in the waves”
After writing this all, I realize this is not about a friend betraying you. Rather it's a set that encapsulates the aftermath of it all. The painting I chose for the Apple Music cover, "The Death of Caesar" by Jean-Léon Gérôme, captures not the assassination of Julius Caesar itself, but rather the immediate aftermath. It seems like a much more fitting cover now.
When Caesar was murdered, his killers say they murdered him because they feared his dictatorship was undermining the Roman Republic. But they were unable to restore the institutions of the Republic.
I find that parallel to my own life. As her actions led to the end of our friend group. Ending much more than she anticipated.
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wonderlandmind4 · 2 years
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Huh. I’m gonna get a little real here for a second, thanks to a tik tok video that sparked the “oh shit, that’s me…is that me??”
So, trigger warning for eating disorders (just in case)
When I was in middle school, around 13, for some reason I couldn’t hold my breakfast down, and would get sick before class started. So…I stopped eating breakfast because I’m my 13 yr old mind I thought that was the solution. I would still eat lunch and snack, etc. just not breakfast.
Throughout 9th grade….I would RARELY eat lunch, and for me I thought it was because I didn’t have money (nor did I ask) for school lunch and only ate if my cooking class made something or I got a snack from a vending machine. Which meant….I was only eating one meal. (I was also quite depressed and didn’t realize it until later) but that changed when I went to a different high school and starting playing softball for that school.
Flashforwad to just starting college…I was sick for two weeks straight, and the only thing I could eat was literally cherrios, rice, toast. (But I’ve always had bad GI issues) luckily this got better after some medicine.
As I got older, I would fall into a pattern of one meal or maybe two a day, but much later in the day- and with that always came “I’m fat, too fat, I don’t eat a lot why am I still “fat” and curvy” I was never actually underweight nor did I actually binge.
Then, 2009 was a horrible year for me when it came to my emotions, anxiety and depression and basically….I did drop a lot of weight in a very short amount of time and although I used to call it “my skinny year” my best friend has since helped me recognize that it wasn’t my “skinny year” it was actually dangerous and unhealthy and that was basically a trauma response.
Moving on a few years, food for me got better, or well, maybe some over eating happened but whatever, I wasn’t ever turning down my mom/family’s Puerto Rican food. But once I reached my mid twenties I struggled with eating healthy and working out in a positive way, and again, if it wasn’t for my best friend, it would have been so much worse.
Flash forward to now, (I don’t want to type every little detail and event throughout my life about this, so this is kinda the short version) and after finally a fantastic workout/training coach and supportive group (it’s actually Don Saladino who’s a celebrity fitness trainer and start doing programs for us non celebrity folks during Covid) my mentality with food and working out has changed and gotten healthier.
So now, due to my job being physical and my body demanding good nutrition, I made a habit of at least eat a banana in the morning, or two, or a smoothie, or something small before work. I try to have a good portion of carbs and protein and veggies during my work day and same for dinner.
However, I still struggle in a way where I don’t even realize it on my days off. Sometimes, I go all day without eating. ALL DAY. And all I’ll have is water and/or coffee and don’t eat until 8/9pm. And this, was what that tik tok user pointed out who also does that…is this on a spectrum of an eating disorder? Have I always had this issue from when I was 13? Was it hidden behind my GI issues and anxiety or tied to it? (Was it my mother? Hello Hispanic trauma)
I tell my best friend this on the phone and she always asks, “how come you didn’t eat today? Try maybe eating fruit, a smoothie if you can?” And it’s never mean or nasty, she’s coming from a place of concern in a way of where I think she thinks I might fall back into what she’s seen be do or that voice in my brain start whispering again.
Why does it take me this long to fully realize and understand and name something for what it really is/was (this is the second time)
Just some last night thoughts and realizations :/
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bitcme · 2 years
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ben levin, bisexual, male + he/him ― hey look, it’s moss oliva! they’re twenty-three years old, they’ve live in shrike heights for their whole life, and they’re currently working at a new chapter and solstice comics. i heard they’re pretty lost, but i think they’re so hopeful at the same time. can they make it out alive? || penned by oli, twenty-four, they/them.
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content warnings include terminal illness, death of a child and spousal death briefly mentioned throughout the entire backstory.
THE BASICS 
Full name: Moss Beckett Oliva 
Nicknames: -
Age: 23
Date of Birth: March 18, 1965
Zodiac: Pisces
Hometown: Shrike Heights, Colorado 
Gender: Male
Pronouns: He/Him
Orientation: Bisexual 
Occupation: Clerk at A New Chapter and Solstice Comics
Positive traits: Adaptable, adventurous, calm, cautious, charming, courageous, creative, efficient, empathetic, friendly, generous, gentle, hopeful, hospitable, kind, loyal, optimistic, passionate, persistent, playful, protective, sensual, sentimental, supportive. 
Negative traits: Childish, defensive, insecure, lost, needy, nervous, paranoid, perfectionist, scatterbrained, timid, worrywart.
THE STORY 
Moss never had a real family; he had a mother once, but before his first birthday she grew ill and before his second birthday he was placed into someone else’s care while his mother lived out the rest of her very limited days. He always mourned the mother he never knew. 
He struggled finding his place (homed in many temporary and group homes as the boy for no good reason never found himself sticking in any one place) and when he was old enough to begin school he found no more of the comfort he lacked as he struggled making friends and building connections.
With no stable platform for him to work on his skills, no guidance at his ever changing home, Moss retreated into his shell and he resorted to occupying his mind with the stories he found in books and comics. He was incredibly reserved throughout his childhood, an extremely sweet boy but one who kept to himself as much as possible. 
Though his home situation kept changing, the rest of his life was the same until the Oliva’s moved to town. Flora was the first friend he ever made, and the second he met her, his life changed immensely - and for the better. 
Flora pulled him out of his shell completely, introduced him to the beauty that could be found in the real world, outside of his stories, and suddenly it didn’t matter how he was living or who he was living with. He found his family in the form of Flora and her sibling, and later her sibling’s partner.
The family grew larger in his senior year of high school, and while there was conflict with Flora’s parents (like there almost always was, anyway) Moss was so happy to become a father. He, Flora and Geo (who had become more than Flora’s sibling, but Moss’ best friend too) all moved out into their own house, where life was so good and so happy together. Flora and Moss got married (where he took her name, so that the couple and Geo would all have the same family name) and a few months later their son Ash entered the world.
Sadly the happiness came to a crashing halt when Ash grew sick. He became terminally ill at the age of three, and fought hard with his father’s inherited childish optimism until the very end. He passed shortly after his fourth birthday, and life will never be the same without him. Moss took it upon himself to be the strong one of the family. He had waited for so long for this family, and he was going to help them work through their loss as best as they could; they would never get over what happened, but Moss cared for Flora and Geo - who had an equal part in raising Ash - and he channeled all of his grief into them. 
Life improved only slightly, but then for a period it wasn’t getting any worse, and Moss took that as a win. Once again, just as things were looking hopeful for the future, Flora was a victim in one of the Shrike Heights attacks. She was murdered by the Jack-O-Lantern, and not only did Moss’ grief return, but so much anger towards the authorities - one of which being Flora and Geo’s father.
Moss is still trying with all of his might to be the strong one, he’s channeling all of his energy into others as his coping mechanism, but everything is understandably growing so much harder, day by day, and Moss is so terrified.
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kylekozmikdeluxo · 5 months
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"Good morning, young master, it's 1882..."
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The early years of Paul McCartney's post-Beatles group Wings have been on my mind for the past few weeks, even before the untimely passing of the one Wings member who stuck with Paul and the late Linda McCartney through thick and thin: Denny Laine.
15 years ago... Early 2008...
By March, I was scalp-deep in the solo output of McCartney. I had already went through a Beatle-obsessive phase, now I was onto Paul's stuff. His first two albums and such, the first couple of Wings album, just endlessly fascinated by a lot of it...
One day, I had come across a bootleg of a song called... '1882'...
It was in its home demo form, taped sometime in mid-to-late 1970. Presumably a little after the release of MCCARTNEY... The song, in any form, wouldn't see an official release until 2018...
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... and this one fascinated me the *most* out of the unreleased material.
1882 would later be turned into a dreary near 7-minute epic in the studio in 1972, and a similar take was played live throughout the Wings Over Europe tour that took place from July to August of that year. At several points, a live recording from Berlin was to be used on Wings' second album - and Paul's fourth overall - RED ROSE SPEEDWAY, which was released in April 1973 after being cut from a double-LP to a single-disc.
Anyways, where was I? Winter 2008... January-March, precisely... Life was rough. I don't want to get too into it, but my brain was in a very low place... It was small special interests like these that got me through such miserable days, and probably made worse by the bitter winter conditions. New England isn't particularly nice during this time of year, you get some truly bitter days mixed with some inexplicable near-summerish ones. Something something Mark Twain-
And when I heard 1882 for the first time... I felt like, for a moment, after so much going on... It's like I woke up in 1882... Like the opening lyrics of the song... I had such a vivid picture of waking up in a vintage old house in the woods.
At the time, I frequently saw my father on the weekends, when he was living in a city. His house, that he got from his parents, was largely not updated since around the early 1980s I want to say? It still had wood-paneled walls, green shag carpet, '70s wallpaper on a vintage stairwell, and the room I slept in... I might as well have stepped into a bedroom from the 1960s. Like how Thomasin McKenzie's lead character, when she stays in that apartment, in LAST NIGHT IN SOHO.
I honestly miss that house sometimes.
But that all just rammed home the vintage-ness of the song, especially in its home demo form. It sounds like Paul recorded it on his Scottish farm, a bucolic and remote setting far off from Liverpool and London. For sure. I feel that sleepy farm life, a post-Beatles wind-down and restart, is captured so beautifully on MCCARTNEY, RAM, and WILD LIFE, and there's some of it left on RED ROSE SPEEDWAY. (It also helps that two songs on that album are RAM leftovers.)
I also really enjoy the studio and live versions, too, but the home demo fits the time period nicely. It's almost a vivid picture into a mundane, if not grim life in the late 19th century. It really inspired me to write stories set in the late 19th century, British period pieces, stuff like that. Not necessarily Victorian ones, but ones set in the countryside, quaint and relatively uneventful, but very much full of feeling and vibe. Almost like an early Disney film or a Miyazaki film. To this day, I still incorporate those kinds of aesthetics and ideas into what it is I do... It's just endlessly fascinating to me, and I do wonder how a song like this would've been received had it come out when it was supposed to.
And even to this day, sometimes, when all feels like a flurry. An utter tornado, a rush of emotions, happenings, and anxieties... I create a mental black out in my head, and then imagine a character waking up... And it's 1882... Somewhere in the countryside...
(The oil painting is apparently titled A VIEW IN HEREFORDSHIRE, Thomas British, fitting name, made around the 1880s)
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