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#and when i think about that too much i get rly emotional
lobotomizedlady · 2 months
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literally wanna dieeeee I realized belatedly that not only was down bad written for me due to being an alien abduction metaphor song but it perfectly describes my situation w/my ex who dumped me 3 days into our second vacation in his country
#but yknow thats what i get for dating a fucking man last year when i absolutely knew better. i was in a low place & the idea of being#whisked away from europe was an escape for me . we got along really well but the second i showed any emotional weakness he couldnt handle i#oh but he sent a bunch of messages begging me to come back when i was on the plane fleeing to my sisters london flat! lol!!!#i didnt tell you guys about any of this on my old blog when it was happening bc i just knew itd invite a flood of#''why were you even dating a man'' messages. yeah im aware. it was stupid & yet another result of my inability to purge myself of the#desire to be in a relationship my homophobic father wouldnt hate me for. and i didnt think any woman would want me . im over it now#fuck my abusive father fuck men in general im so over the internalized homophobia. ive always preferred women why should i have to#supress that to make my fuckface hypocrite father happy. i only rly care bc i love my half brother & want to be in his life which means#i have to appease dad. but at what goddamn cost#why did i say from europe in that earlier tag. i meant TO europe...im from the us#anyways. what a shit show situation that was. i have never felt so betrayed by anyone except for my dad himself#oh i didnt even mention the worst part yet. when i texted from london asking if our friendship was over too (god. so cringe) he then went#into this spiel about how actually what he said earlier when he was asking me to come back#(that it had been a stupid impulse & biggest mistake of his life) was a lie & it had been a long time coming#IF IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME FLY ACROSS THR ATLANTIC FUCKING OCEAN 3 DAYS AGO FOR YOU#and said hed tell me the reasons but ''didnt want to hurt me''#i have so much hatred in my heart for this man to this day when i really think about the mind games he was playing. unreal.#and he KNEW i already had massive trust issues
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wifegideonnav · 1 year
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homestuck is getting SAD and i don’t WANT THIS i want to read about shitty children lovingly bullying each other i don’t want to watch them sobbing over each other’s corpses :/
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lanciilatte · 1 year
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bot is the perfect embodiment of s3 bevause I have so many swaying thoughts on the entire. WUHHUH WUAH..W,W..
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viderose · 11 months
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he’s annoying, i don’t like him (he hasn’t given me as much attention lately)
#im fighting for my life out here#i feel so childish and annoying. like rationally ik i can’t have his undivided attention. but that doesn’t mean i don’t want it sometimes🥺#i think what actually is happening is that im worrying he’s about to ghost#i feel bad thinking that though. bc he seems like a very honest and mature person? with how he talks abt things i don’t think he would rly#ghost me after talking for this amount of time. but ya never can tell…. every time we don’t talk as much for a few days i get very nervous#and it’s weirdly quite difficult to push that worry out of my head. and then i get annoyed with myself for worrying about it to begin with#like i can’t control what he does so why worry about his hypothetical actions? i’ll deal w the consequences of them if or when they occur.#if we stop talking i’ll feel sad and i’ll miss him for a bit and then i’ll get over it. that’s all. it’s not that bad.#but anyway my point is we good#sometimes idk if id truly feel That sad. i think it depends how it ends.#or maybe i just don’t think anyone can hurt my feelings as much as the first person to hurt my feelings in a specific way#like you experience a loss or betrayal or grief - whatever - the first time and it’s all encompassing. it feels like it could genuinely kill#you it hurts so bad. and every subsequent loss or betrayal or grief you experience just isn’t the same? you barely flinch#maybe it’s because you learn to process those emotions better or maybe it’s keeping things at arm’s length as a protective measure#that means nothing hurts as much as the first thing#idk#this became a silly ramble#im just very attached to him and i miss him when he’s busy but also don’t want to ask too much for fear of being a nuisance or rejected :)#ykwim?#i miss him a lot
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loutrem · 1 year
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#its dumb of me but a few days ago i went with his deadname on google to see if i could see more stuff about his dead#since his friends who were alqo supposed to be my friends did a 'ceremony' together without telling me#even tho i rly wanted to go to be able to grief and to cry it out properly#so since i havent been able to grieve well i did that. search for his deadname. i just wanted to know#and i found out that a page for him was made on the tdor website. there were a ton of details on what was happening#before and after his death#many things i didnt know about. because i was a shit friend and never kept contact. and also because he was secretivz#i feel awful since then. who was i to him. why couldnt i help him. why am i even sorry for myself. he was the one suffering#i keep crying and i cant sleep at night without reading comics until i feel too tired to open my eyes#because otherwise im thinking too much about him. its just too awful. too unjust#i have. weird cravings for alcohol. ive never even drinked much before. im scared of starting to get addicted#but sometimes i wanna get somethibg anything and just drink until i pass out since people say its good to forget#i wish he were still alive. i wish i could hug him and help him. i wish id visited him in the hospital after his 1st mental breakdown#he had sent me a text to tell me he was there but i had work and i was tired and honestly too lazy to go. and now i regret it so bad#its all so unfair. death is so unfair. grief is so unfair. i was afraid i had no heart before because people who died around me didnt#phase me much. i didnt cry. but now that ive experienced the deaths of 2 actually very close people counting one i couldnt grieve forproper#i just wish i had no emotions. that i wouldnt cry when i think of them. but especially him.#and i cant stop thinking about how awful ill be when my parents die. ill be a wreck.#im just crying in my bed and its 4am. everythibg sucks. im so sorry to everyone whos ever met me. im awful#negative /#death m /#suicide m /
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year
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okay, i don't know why, but i have ALWAYS been like you described. i have so many movies, TV shows, books, podcasts, songs, etc that i want to experience but do i? nope, just put on another F1 race, please. i don't know if it's fear of the unknown (hello, flood of unexpected emotions!) or not wanting to challenge myself or also wanting to watch F1 and F1 just wins out, but here we are. i suspect it's part of my OCD? or some other ND thing that hasn't been diagnosed in me yet??
in fact prolly the only reason i watch F1 is bc i watch it with my sister. it is a lot easier to do new stuff with someone else...which deludes me into believing that if i just got a partner, we could open the floodgates and watch everything i haven't seen together, but lord knows it don't work that way 😑 in any case, i don't know what's wrong with us, but you're not alone!
I'm glad I'm not the only one!! 💕💕
(Reply ramble under the cut cause I wrote more than I expected)
I think I just struggle to start anything new or to finish anything. I totally agree with what you said about it being the fear of unexpected emotions/the unknown! Like for race seasons for example, I just spent a significant amount of time immersed in 2005 which is a specific set of information(you know: rules, strategy, drivers, etc.), so to start a new season would be a completely different set of info. As I said in my earlier tags, some part of me likes the anticipation more and also I always get way too hyper about things and that energy is overwhelming 😓 And I also feel like I have a fear about how much time I'm going to spend(which is stupid because I'll spend like way too much time aimlessly scrolling for the same amnt of time it'd take to watch a race.) Like the idea of specifically putting aside two hours to do only one thing is stressful to me, which is why I often used to like watching races when I literally couldn't do anything else(waiting for a class.) But now I'm stuck back in the cycle of not wanting to start something new, even if 2009 isnt exactly new because I've watched a lot of racing at this point, but still new enough to me that it's hard to convince my brain to start it. Like once I get into the groove of things, I can float through and enjoy myself, it's just that beginning barrier that's hard to get through.
I also definitely agree with having to watch it with someone else. I either have to binge watch things super quickly or watch them with other people, if not, I'll just end up never starting it or abandoning it. I think it's because it's really nice to be able to discuss your thoughts and feelings abt it with another person and not just be stuck with a million thoughts bouncing around your head(which is why I tend to make posts and then rant in the tags LOL)
I think thats why ive been able to get into F1 to such an extent and why it's been so fun for me. It's a live experience(with a strict time constraint, i.e. you can only watch it right here, right now) where there's a bunch of people watching and interacting. I love tumblr during a race weekend so much, I don't think I'd be obsessed with it as much if not for the ability to see everyone's reactions and interact back with them. I think that's why I struggle to start old seasons, because it's literally just me obsessing alone in my room and I can't talk about it to the extent that I can with the current season. Watching F1 as it goes along in a current season is just a perfect experience I guess, because the schedule pushes me along and I don't really have to rely on myself to keep going.
But yeah who knows!! Brain just being brain as always I guess, but it is annoying that it prevents us from doing things we want to do! But I will say, still, its so stupid that I procrastinate over watching 10 minute long YouTube vids LMAO, like pls I get the hesitation with a 2 hour race, 2 hour movie or 100k fic but, 10 minutes, seriously brain???
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flovverworks · 9 months
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everytime i think of the twins i end up thinking about that one post about figaro & the twins and their views on love and figaro being around them shaping his own view of it and oouuugghhhhhhhh.....
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vagabond-umlaut · 29 days
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you kiss the back of my legs and i want to cry
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only the sun has come this close, only the sun
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gojo satoru x wife!reader; tooth-rotting domestic fluff; gojo LOVERBOY™️ satoru; you aren't any better than him [but less poetic abt the predicament]; tw: pregnancy, 1 tiny mention of throwing up; satoru calls you 'cookie'; and he redefines the word besotted here; his thoughts are also a little yandere-ish but tht's cute, methinks; 2.3k wc; i just wish satoru was real and in my arms rn T-T
belongs to the series 'you make my heart flutter and fibrillate' but can be read as a stand-alone fic if you wanna
the fic title and summary don't rly hv a very strong connection to the fic plot— except the fact they fit both satoru's & reader's characters in this series to a tee ^_^
fic title and summary from 'gps' by shauna barbosa // header frm pinterest // divider by @/benkeibear // jjk isn't mine
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you are clingy.
always have been, in fact, now that gojo thinks about it. long before the two of you were married. long before you were engaged. quite a long time before the two of you were anything apart from friends at best, acquaintances at worst.
yet now, as he feels a pair of arms squeeze tighter around his middle, not really still very much squeezing the air out of him— your husband reckons you've grown loads clingier now—
and he loves you for this. loving you even more when he feels kisses being pressed into the space between his shoulder blades.
soft lips, a tad chapped. not without the shy grazing of your teeth.
just how he likes it.
very much how he adores you.
affection, settled deeper than should be feasible into the hollow of his chest, flutters a little when you nuzzle into his back; that pleased little hum of yours quick to follow it. smiling, gojo turns his head a touch to catch a glimpse of you. it takes a beat before you remove your face to lock eyes with him, before returning your face to his back.
he huffs a chuckle, sounding incredibly fond all the same. his feelings for you can never be suppressed anyway. time has proved this to him enough number of times.
he runs a finger down the length of your arm, relishing how it leaves a line of goosebumps in its wake—
"you wanna tell me something, cookie?" your husband finally asks.
your reply doesn't come immediately. and when it does, it is nothing more than a noncommittal noise. too spoiled. too stubborn. a bit too satisfied as well, the emotion further expressed when you nuzzle his back yet again.
gojo's smile grows bigger. his cheeks hurt a little.
he thinks he can live forever with this kind of pain, not even a sigh of complaint ever leaving him.
"aha—" he exclaims loudly, still soft enough to keep the quiet of this sweet bubble you've pulled you both into, "so it's just my irresistible charm that's making you so clingy tonight, hm?"
another beat passes.
and just when he thinks he might have to do with another one of your indistinct sounds for an answer, you speak. to be more precise, whine and grumble, everything so sweet in your adorable voice.
"it's not me being clingy, 'toru— it's the baby— the baby is making me so clingy. making me feel as if i can't live even for one second without squishing you like thisss!!!"
the first reaction your tightening grasp brings out is the wind getting knocked out of his lungs— the second reaction being all that oxygen, nitrogen and carbon dioxide being replaced by a feeling so fierce and so tender— the strongest thinks his knees would have buckled under its weight had he not been lying down but standing—
not that he really minds that, though.
for you, he's always on his knees. whether you ask it of him or not. the only light in this world he is willing to bow his eyes before.
it takes him not too much effort but gojo makes a point of struggling whilst he shifts in your hold. and grins when he finally comes face-to-face with you, drinking in the way your brows are puckered and lips a little parted in an incredulous expression.
his grin simmers down however, when his six eyes notice the spark in your tummy. so tiny. so blinding. so priceless— to him and you both— he knows this, surer than he is of the scars on his palms.
thumbing the hem of your t-shirt, he hums, dragging his eyes back to be drowned in yours, "how many weeks along are you, wifey?"
"satoru," you start, voice turning sharper and just as skeptical as your face was, still is— only to be shushed by a finger to your lips. the man addressed feels his heart skip a beat at your confused big scowl— it's got to be a crime to be as cute as you— really!!!
he pinches your cheek lightly.
"it isn't like i don't remember that, cookie. i just wanted you to say it— c'mon, tell me quickly!" he presses, noting then utilising the moment your face begins to lose its cynical hue over his words.
the scowl lingers there however, twisting your delectably pretty lips—
"nine weeks," you say, hooking a leg over his waist to pull him closer. can he be any closer to you, though? your answer is always a yes, he knows you well enough to know this.
"thirty-one weeks more before we meet our baby."
it's not exactly thirty-one weeks; it's thirty weeks and five days before either of you can meet the baby, but gojo decides not to point out the error. you always hate it when he points out your tiny errors and make a point of snarking about it every time he opens his mouth to speak a word next— the man is wary not to upset his wife, yes, thank you very much.
he offers a sage "hm" in response, one he observes you accept slowly. the scowl lifts itself into a curve so fond— gojo thinks once before he vaults his next query your way. not wanting to see that smile vanish in front of him—
the ask won't cause anything so. but he can never be too sure. he has read too many books and articles to not grasp how fragile pregnancy hormones can make one be.
he tucks a strand of hair behind the shell of your ear.
fingers tarrying there when he sees you lean into his touch— not akin a moth to a bright flame, no. he can never hurt you. not even for once in his wildest dreams—
but how the north pole of a magnet hurries towards the south pole of another magnet. so different in their nature, a perfect pair of opposite crafted by the nature— maybe that's why nothing can ever stop them from rushing to each other once they're proximated, the lines of their mutual attraction existing even when thousands of miles apart.
just like you and him.
contrasting, complementing, completing each other every instant, in every facet of life.
he lets his fingers dance through the tangles in your hair, unravelling the knots in there. that pleased little hum of yours reaches him once again.
stowing the sound away, later to be placed on a pedestal in an ornate glass case as the most valuable praise ever given to him for his effort, he runs a gentle hand, nails scratching your scalp carefully.
"and at nine weeks old, just how big might our baby be?"
"i think there is a chart comparing our baby's size to fruits..." syllables unhurried and a pinch mumbled, you press your heel to draw him in a little more. "i did not really read that too attentively— oh. but. yeah!" a grin forms on your features, sleepy still twinkling in excitement.
"shoko sent me a link to this website earlier today— any ideas, 'toru, what it might be about?"
gojo does have an idea. he has a very, very good idea.
but he chooses not to say that aloud. you look so extremely adorable when you are being this excited. he would hate nothing more than to see your amped up self getting interrupted by him.
he shakes his head. your grin brightens. eyes crinkling with a glint, he can tell even without looking, is knowing.
the tips of your fingers caress his bare back, softer than a breath. "it's about when our baby forms which organs— our baby's eyes are being formed now!!! isn't that too cute, 'toru?"
"it is, cookie," he hums without any hesitation, six eyes activating one more time to zero in on that teeny-tiny spark. then deactivating when he looks back up to your sleepy eyes. a terribly tickled, equally wicked glimmer creeps into his grin. "so our baby is just like a tiny ball of cells with two big blue eyes, huh? they must look so scary, heh— ouch!"
your pinch did not really pain him, but gojo does his best to mimic an awfully wounded puppy, sogging wet from the rain and waiting at the doorstep with his moving blue eyes— it takes less than three seconds before you let go of your glare with a sigh.
you massaging the sore spot on his arm, your husband watches you give yet another sigh.
"first of all, there's no guarantee our baby will have your eye color and not mine, 'toru," you explain, pinning him under your drowsy stare, "it is very difficult to predict that for sure— and secondly: i'll punch you if you ever call our baby scary— sure, they don't really look like a human in this moment, but they'll slowly get there in forty weeks— as per the website, their face, hands and feet are forming in the ninth—"
"okay, alright!! i get your point, my insanely smart, insanely beautiful, insanely sexy wife," gojo cuts in, smiling while warning bells chime in his head at the faintest gloss in your eyes—
but maybe they weren't noisy enough. that is why he doesn't bite his tongue, rather continuing, "but you weren't actually blaming our poor human-ey baby for your clinginess, were you? it's not like they have a telepathic communication set up with you— hell, maybe they haven't even started forming their brain!"
"the baby's brain starts forming by the fifth week, satoru," your quiet reply reaches him exactly when he gets his last giggle out. the moist sheen in your eyes grows more prominent.
and his insides begin to twist—
one-third helpless. two-thirds contrite.
you don't stop talking, tone lower than he has heard you use in nearly forever, "and you better not comment on my bond with our baby— i'll punch you twice if you—"
"i wasn't doing that and i promise to never make you feel that way, my cutie-pie cookie," gojo interrupts, voice far gentler than earlier, just as low as yours, "but feel free to throw me out the house if i ever do that, even accidentally. okay?"
you're not okay.
you never are, when it comes to you being actually harsh to him, even when he's the one asking you to be— shakespeare once called love to be blind— your husband doesn't think you're blind, however. it is your well-contemplated decision to see his mistakes and see each of them as excusable, perfectly pardonable, no matter how silly or serious the world might regard them to be—
you make a noise. somewhat annoyed. unhappy too, yeah. before you push your face into the crook of his neck, nose nuzzling into the flesh there.
you would have bitten him by now. but he reckons you might be a bit too tired for all that. you couldn't even finish your dinner before facing the urge to throw up tonight, yet again.
feeling sorry, almost, gojo resumes his ministrations to your hair, half because you need to fall asleep now; the hands on the clock are close to striking midnight. the other half because he just loves playing with your hair— only to still when you suddenly pull your head back.
brows furrowed as you peer at him, eyes big and earnest.
"you don't really mind when i hug you like this, do you, 'toru?"
"no, cookie!! of course not!!" the man wastes not even a breath before he rushes to explain— because seriously, what!??
sure, he wasn't the first one to fall between you two. but ever since he did fall, he has never not expressed how every second away from you, every fraction of an instant away from you, causes him pain.
and yeah, he might have been a tad too dramatic whilst doing so, but you've always been so good at reading him— then why on earth can't you read him now? why don't you read, he loves it when you seek him out, he loves you more than anyone and anything else??
"good," your satisfied little chirp gives him a light shove away from his frantic thoughts. something tells him he should be put on alert by the way your lips curve into a smug smile next.
but gojo finds himself uncaring. just immensely relieved as he trails his fingers from the back of your head to your chin. thumb reaching out to brush the corner of your infectious smile. you continue.
"but even if you did mind, sorry not sorry— you were the one who put the ring on my finger, so you have to deal with everything i'm, mister!! no refunds nor complaints can be filed here, gojo-san~"
and neither refunds nor complaints he wishes to file, satoru muses to himself as he cups your cheek in one hand. bending down to steal the taste of your beam, your tease, your love for him on his tongue—
not when he has received the world in exchange for letting go of that poor splintered mess of a heart, he used to call his, but is now yours.
and will always stay yours—
"hey 'toru— what will you do if i chomp on your fingers right now, like really hard? will you yell? or will you be the freak that you're and enjoy it, huh?"
gojo pauses.
and wonders.
is there any binding vow one can make to secure oneself to another in every lifetime, for all eternity?
he hopes there is.
your husband really, seriously hopes there is—
'cause no way in heaven, earth or hell, does gojo satoru want to let go of you— and he will not let go of you.
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this idea was ROTTING in my brain for ages, but wht gave me the spark– the boost to write this was the wonderful sukuna fic written by ari @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat ❤️❤️❤️ i seriously love u & ur writings sm, babes 🥹🥹 everyone pls go check their masterlist out. it's studded w diamonds and pearls 😌😌🥰
and this is also for my sweet & sour bestie mimi @avatarofstars 🤭🤭— u 🤝 me in being clingy af towards our fictional hubbies 😂😂🥰
hope this was an enjoyable read! pls don't plagiarise, translate or repost this ❤️❤️
masterlist
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orcelito · 1 year
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Accidentally watched, um. A lot more of the episode. I now have 3 hours left. I just couldn't stop during the battle!!!! And then there was all the stuff afterwards and then suddenly it was my definite bedtime when I MEANT to go to bed like 3 hours ago. Whoops
#speculation nation#cr2 spoilers/#seeing the collar idea finally pay off was just. so fucking good.#plus giving it to beau was a GREAT idea. she executed it perfectly.#astrid having a Breakdown over all of this. caduceus getting PISSED. OFF. at trent.#just. oh my godddddd#last thing i saw b4 i turned it off for the night is jester drawing little rose print gardening gloves for essek to wear.#like look i know hes a war criminal and whatever but that obviously doesnt matter in comparison to the idea of him GARDENING#it's soooo fucking cute.#i rly wonder what his thoughts were during all of this. he just mentioned to caleb during the fight that he was scared.#that fuckin broke my heart too. the normally aloof essek showing fear bc his spells were doin jack Shit to trent#and then seeing caleb briefly huddled up with his old schoolmates. expressing Love for them#but it's a love of the past. and then they left.#knowing about the Wizards In Love aka shadowgast. im like. what was he thinking during that moment????#oooughhhhh i can feel myself itching to read fic about him. i want MOOOORE#he's probably the most pronounced npc by this point already but PLEASE i love him so much#sometimes a tsundere wizard that has warmed up until hes almost Sweet (if still a lil awkward) can be such a personal thing#thats my own dear wizard nico and now essek and also caleb if u think about it. tho he warmed up a long time ago#GOD when i think about how far hes come i get so emotional. he used to be a terrified dirty man#but now. hes clean. hes Happy. almost at least. happy with his friends if nothing else.#with big dreams of change that he hopes to enact at his friends' sides#and then hes gonna get secret little wizard meetings in his tower ooooOooOo👀#i wish essek would be a part of the 2 shot bc i wanna see them flirting more SO badly#but. the end scene will suffice.#i need to go to bed lmfao i just have so many thoughts. i cant believe im about to finish campaign 2.#ive been working on this for a solid YEAR ish. & that was after i'd watched 25 or so episodes back when they first came out in like 2018#me for years refusing to watch more bc of molly. and yes it still does hurt. but it's so worth watching anyways. god.#cradles the mighty nein in my hands. i love them so much#BED TIME now. goodnight
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fairydustblossom · 8 months
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encroaching promises
azriel x reader
summary: based on this request "I would love if you wrote something where Azriel was a dick and he has to GROVEL. (Angst feeds my soul) please and thank you."
category: angst (i just rly love it)
word count: 4.8k
warnings: slightly nsfw in some parts, emotional (not physical) disloyalty ?? maybe ?? kinda ??
notes: umm this was so fun to write! it came to me so fast like I didn't even have to edit it?? hopefully it's good lmao anways i hope you enjoy this @liddyr03, thank you for sending in a request!!
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Something had shifted between you and Azriel. It had been a gradual shift, one you had felt coming on for some time- but you could have never expected the reason for the growing distance between you and your mate.
He had been working longer hours, waking up earlier, barely spending any free time with you and you knew the middle Archeron sister had a part in it. You had tried to ignore it, their growing closer. Azriel had taken a liking to her. At first, your heart had warmed at Azriel’s willingness to help. There had not been many opportunities in his life where he could help someone directly, not just in a battlefield or in an interrogation room. You witnessed the impact it had on him, you could feel his inner peace, the way he viewed himself, his self worth improving- and you were proud of him. You really were happy that Azriel was finally seeing himself in a way you had always seen him. You believed in kindness, in helping others, in going above and beyond for someone in need, you had always preached it to Azriel. It had been one of the things that had drawn him to you, seeing in you traits he wanted to possess. But now, it had gone too far. 
You had noticed Elain and Azriel growing closer and closer. You had pushed your wariness aside, opting to be kind to her, hoping to help her in the way Azriel was doing so. Maybe she could be a good friend to you both, you thought. But Elain had not been as welcoming to your helping hand. Instead, she had treated you as she had treated all other fae, like you were a monster, personally responsible for her family's misfortune.
You tried time and time again to be graceful, to brush off her rudeness. You chose to be understanding, to put yourself in her shoes. But still, she treated you poorly. When you would join Azriel in visiting her, you noticed the difference in treatment. How she would look at him, and how she would look at you, like you had something she wanted. 
Eventually, you stopped joining Azriel in his visits, finding it hard to control your feelings of jealousy and not wanting to come across as an irrational possessive mate. He was only helping her get better, you told yourself.
After you stopped going together, you noticed how his visits grew longer and longer. The longer he would be there, the more you would question it. What are they doing? Why is she keeping him there? Is it him that wants to stay longer?
The questions would run through your head until the moment he would walk into your shared chambers. You would lay your eyes upon your tired mate, but you would catch the gleam in his eyes, happy with himself for doing some good for once, and you would push aside all jealousy. How could you ever doubt your mate? The very same male that had worshiped you for years, that had vowed his undying love to you, who was bound to your soul. And so you would welcome him home with open arms, letting him fall to bed, little words spoken of his day.
It kept on like this, for months, till a whole year had passed and you no longer recognized your relationship with Azriel. You barely spoke anymore, going through your established routines around each other in silence. What had once brought you so much comfort, now left you fretting that something had irrevocably changed. You knew next to nothing about what Azriel was thinking, of where he spent his days, although you had a good idea of who he spent them with. You who had once been his closest confidant, wrapped in his arms till late hours of the night, whispering every thought that crossed through your minds to each other. You were barely having any sex. What used to be almost a daily activity, was now a hurried fuck in the dark, taking no time to explore one another's bodies, only looking for a quick release. You hadn’t actually seen your mate’s body in months. Had Azriel finally had enough of yours after all this time?
Elain’s smell had practically been imprinted on him. You never smelled any sex, no, and you thought, no you hoped, that Azriel would never do that. But it hurt all the same when you could smell her on his clothing, for that only happened when a fae was around all the time. 
You had decided to take matters into your own hands. You were waiting for Azriel to come home, wearing his favorite silk slip that you had surprised him with on the night of your mating ceremony. Determination drove you- you would not let him go to bed without first feeling satiated. 
And so you waited, your belly fluttering with parts equal nerves and excitement. You were excited because you knew your mate would melt at the sight of you, and love on you like you were accustomed to. You felt maybe all you and Azriel needed was one night to destress, to reconnect and everything would be back to normal. 
When Azrile came home, his eyes immediately darkened at the sight of you, he recognized the slip you were wearing, images of your mating ceremony flashing through his mind. He was overcome with need for you and it only took a matter of minutes before you were pressed up against the wall, lost in a hungry kiss. You sent all your excitement down the bond and he groaned into the kiss, sending his desire right back. You were elated, nothing pleased you more than the feeling of Azriel against you and feeling the bond thrumming with need.
Azriel was quick to pick you up and carry you to your shared bedroom, tossing you on the bed. You sat up on your knees, wrapping your arms around his neck, wanting to slow this down a bit. You could feel how badly he wanted you, not only through the bond but by the bulge pressing into your flushed bodies. The mother knew you wanted him just as badly, and any other time you would have given into your needs in a desperate attempt to chase the release you were craving. But you wanted to take him in, wanting to drag this out as long as possible, to drink in the sight of his glorious body that your eyes had been deprived of. 
You pressed your forehead against his, willing your breath to calm down. Azriel pulled his head back a bit, brows furrowing slightly and a look of confusion overtaking his eyes, “You alright, love?” a wave of worry flowed down the bond, his hands roamed your body, bringing you comfort and spreading warmth all over. 
You flushed slightly, butterflies erupting in your belly at hearing the pet name. Your ears perked, not having heard the endearment in so many months. Gods, you had missed him. You smiled shyly at him, and gave him a slight nod. Azriel felt his knees buck, so many years later and a single look from you could make him feel like the inexperienced younglin he used to be back at the camps. You looked so so lovely in that slip, the shy look you gave him, eyes shining with love, and the pink tint on your cheeks he had elicited all warmed his heart. He brought a hand up to your face, moving a stray piece of hair behind your ear, resting his hand at the base of your jaw all while staring intently into your eyes. When he saw your cheeks flush a darker red, he gave you a charming grin, amused and delighted by the sudden shyness in you. He loved that he still had that effect on you, as if you were meeting for the first time.
“I’m alright Az, just taking you in” you murmured, your voice sounding like honey to his ears. 
“You can take me in all you want Y/N, I’m all yours to look at” he murmured back, dipping down to place warm loving kisses on your neck. You were delighted by his words, breathing him in deeply, relishing in the smell of his arousal. You felt delirious and giddy all at once, yes, you thought, all mine. Wishing to remind him, you sent the possessiveness you were feeling down the bond, making Azriel growl and nip at your neck more feverishly, marking you as his. He loved when you claimed him just as much as claiming you, feeling lucky to have someone in his life that wanted him as badly as he had always wanted.
The feeling of Azriel’s nipping and sucking your neck urged you on to keep undressing him. Undoing all the clasps you had started unfurling downstairs, you removed the tight fitting top of his leathers. You ran your hands along his arms, taking pleasure in the warmth of his bare skin against your fingertips. Your mouth watered at the sight of him, trailing your gaze up his tattooed arms, to his chest, hands sliding along- when your eyes snagged on something just below his pec and you halted all your movements. Azriel buried in your neck still, stopped as well, feeling you tense up. You pulled back, taking a good look at what your eyes had seen. It was a tattoo. One you hadn’t seen before. 
Your heart sank, hurt overpowering any feeling of desire you had been feeling. The unexpectedness of the moment had left you vulnerable, leaving your side of the bond wide open for Azriel to feel the sudden shift in your emotions. He froze, suddenly panicked at why you were hurting and he pulled back, grasping your arms and holding you at arms length. He tried meeting your eyes, noticing they were locked in on his torso. When he looked down he saw what you were staring at. 
You couldn’t tear your eyes away from the rose shaped tattoo resting on his right rib. You didn't know what it meant, but you had a feeling you knew what, or rather who, had been the cause of it. You thought of Elain and her precious garden. You thought of Elain and her treasured white roses. You couldn’t fight the tears that lined your eyes and you moved out of Azriel’s grasp to the other side of the room, wanting to be as far away from him as possible. 
Azriel felt his heart sink at the way you fled his touch, as if he had burned you. He saw the look in your eyes and felt his that his world was crashing down.
“What is that Azriel?” you asked, struggling to conceal the wobble in your voice, not actually wanting to hear the truth you already knew.
He swallowed the lump in his throat, looking down at the tattoo your gaze hadn’t drifted from and then looked back up at you. Forcing himself to look at you, even if it made him feel like the biggest dickhead.
“It’s… It’s a promise” he said, wishing he didn’t have to tell you and see the betrayal in your eyes. He had been avoiding this conversation, feeling disgusted at himself for having made the promise in a lapse of judgment.
He saw the fire ignite in your eyes, anger rising at his answer. You already knew it was a promise, and he was aware you wanted more of an explanation. He only hoped you could forgive him, for he did not know if he could forgive you if it were the other way around. Shame creeped up his spine and he mustered up the courage to confess his mistake. He had barely been able to look at himself since the tattoo had seared itself onto his skin and he had opted to ignore it all together- to pretend it wasn’t there. Azriel had done so much pretending, that the tattoo had been fully forgotten moments earlier when he had welcomed and encouraged you to look upon him.
At your lack of response, he cleared his throat and carried on, praying to the mother in his head, for he knew he was about to hurt you and he would hate himself for having caused you pain, “I made a promise. I-I made a promise to Elain.”
You looked up at him then, and the pain he saw in your eyes made him feel sick to his stomach, knowing he has caused it. “Y/N, I swear I didn’t mean to-”
You cut him off, your voice terrifyingly low “What did you promise her Azriel?” 
His cheeks were red and his body felt hot with shame as he replied, “I promised I would always be there to protect her.” 
His words, uttered barely above a whisper, felt like daggers to your heart. You flinched, unable to conceal the effect they had on you. The tears broke free, you managed to hold in your sobs by biting the inside of your cheeks, but you couldn’t hold back the tears. You were biting so hard you tasted blood, and the world felt like it was spinning. You couldn’t find any words, there was nothing to say. He had promised her something he was supposed to only ever promise you.
“I fucked up. I know I did, I’ve been working out a way to undo it.” He started to plead, taking a few steps to close the distance between you. You stepped away, not letting him get near, barely hearing his words over the rushing sound in your ears. “Rhys and Feyre have been helping me find a way to break it. We actually know how, the same way they broke their deal from under the mountain, we just need Elain to-”
You were done listening to him, his words only adding to the hurt you were feeling. Rhys and Feyre knew your mate had promised his protection to another? Did everyone know? Why hadn’t he told you? 
“Leave” you hissed at him. You didn’t care to hear his excuses, you were done. Never would you have ever spent so much time with another male, never would you have ever made such an intimate promise. 
“What?” he asked. He had been expecting you to react this way, for months he had been mentally preparing himself. But to hear you actually say it still caught him off guard. “Y/N, please, I can expl-”
“Leave” you said again, your voice strengthening with conviction. “Get out of my home, Azriel.” You felt if Azriel stayed any longer you would go mad, and you meant your words. This was not a home anymore, not with him in it. He had bound his soul to another, and kept it from you. If he remained here any longer, you don’t know what you would do. You could feel your power thrumming in your veins, begging for release. 
Azrile looked heartbroken, like a man that had lost everything he cared about in this world. He pleaded with his eyes, pushing everything he was feeling down the bond, hoping you would take back his words. When you only looked away as a response, he knew he had to respect your wishes. It pained him unlike anything else to leave you alone after the damage he had caused but he understood there was nothing he could do at that moment to make it better. He steeled himself, calling all his shadows to him, fighting with the ones that were wrapped around you trying to comfort you, and then he vanished.
You broke down when Azriel left, letting the pain of your failed relationship consume you. The image of the rose tattoo was all you could see behind your eyes and you ran to the bathroom to release the bile that had risen up your throat. You sat there on the floor, picturing all the interactions you had witnessed between Azriel and Elain. You could have prevented this, you couldn’t help but think, if you had only stepped in sooner. If you had only kept that girl away from your mate. If you had only shown her anything other than kindness. You had in a sense, lost your mate to another woman. For how could he spend his days with you when he promised to protect another for the rest of her days?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Azriel knew he had to fix this. He honestly had already been trying to, he wanted nothing more than to be rid of the promise he had made Elain. A promise that she had coerced him into. But to be rid of it, she had to be in agreement. Rhys and Feyre had helped him contact Helion and that is what he had told them. The High Lord of day had also told them it would cause great pain, which Elain had grasped onto in her refusal to break the promise. She argued she had been through enough in the past years to willingly put herself through more pain.
Azriel blamed himself, really. For letting Elain get so close to him, for having been there at her beck and call to the point she expected, no demanded, that treatment from him all the time. He had spent the last few months attempting to convince Elain to go through with breaking the promise. He was doing everything he could for her, hoping if he did enough she would come to her senses and consent to Helion’s spell. 
He kept telling himself she was only holding on to this because she had lost everything else in her life, it made her feel that she was finally in control of something- that she didn’t mean his beloved any harm. But Azriel had come to the realization that whether Elain meant to hurt others or not with her actions- she was being selfish with them. He was devoted to you and he would not let Elain cost him what he prized so dearly in his life. His mate, he kept thinking, he would not lose his mate.
Rhys and Feyre were curled against one another in the living room when Azriel winnowed in, looking distraught, wings drooped, and frantic shadows dispersing around the room- swallowing all light. He dropped down to his knees, tears lining his eyes as he looked up at his High Lord and High Lady. They were instantly alarmed, Rhys dropping to the floor to join his brother while Feyra went to Azriel’s side. Rhys grabbed Azriel’s face in his hands, quickly assessing him for any injuries, he tried peeking into Azriel’s mind and only saw your pained expression. Azriel dropped his head on his brother's shoulder, looking like a fallen angel, and he cried. “Please help me. Please, brother”.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
For the next few weeks, you had isolated yourself- putting wards around the house to prevent any of your family from winnowing in. You had felt each of them attempt to come in, to console you, but you refused to let them in.
You couldn’t forgive them, at least not anytime soon, for having kept this from you. You felt embarrassed. You didn’t know how long ago the promise had been made, you didn’t know how long they had known- all the interactions you had with your family since the time Elain came were now painted in a different light in your mind. Had they all thought you a fool? To let your mate get so close to another female, when Elains affections for Azriel had so clearly been written on her face? You couldn’t bear to face them, knowing they had kept this from you. 
You had also distanced yourself because you weren’t sure of what you would do if you came across Elain. Your territorial feelings had only been enhanced and you were scared of what you would do to your High Lady’s older sister if you saw her.
Azriel had tried almost everyday to talk to you, but you remained firm in your decision, refusing to yield to his pleas. You had received countless notes from Rhys, the only one who could get past your wards, and had burned them all. Until the latest one. You had been reading when a note appeared on the page you were on. Unlike the other ones, this one did not come to you unfolded so you had no option but to read the words they said.  “It is done. Azriel is recovering in the infirmary.” The note raised your heartbeat and caused dozens of questions to rise within you. Suddenly Azriel’s absence the past few days made sense. He had been resolute everyday since you had kicked him out in gaining your forgiveness, staying outside the door to your home waiting for the day you would let him back in. He hadn’t pushed or attempted to break through your wards, and you knew he could, he was the spymaster after all; instead, he had patiently waited, accepting his punishment. Every night, for weeks he had waited, until a few days ago, when he had disappeared and hadn’t come back. You figured he had gotten tired, or given up- you were still too hurt to find out why he had left. 
Now, worry filled you. Was he okay? What did Rhys mean by “recovering”? You recalled the time Rhys and Feyre had faked breaking their bond, fooling everyone by breaking the promise they had made instead- you remembered their shouts of pain, and that was the High Lord and the High Lady, the two most powerful fae in all of Prythian. 
You quickly stood up, pacing around the room, trying to decide what to do. Deep down you knew even if you didn’t go right now, adamant in your stubbornness, worry would eat you and thoughts of Azriel would consume you. Acknowledging you wouldn’t be able to go an hour without knowing, you made your decision and winnowed to the infirmary.
When you arrived, the sight of Azriel made you gasp. He looked awful. You could see the stark dark circles under his eyes, his ruffled hair, the pain expression etched on his face even as he slept. He looked thinner too, as if he hadn’t been eating well- he hadn’t, you learned later on, too sick at his own actions to feel any appetite at all.
You rushed to his side, grasping one of his hands, they felt cold, almost lifeless, and you reached deep within to the bond that tethered your soul to his, the bond you had buried deep down within you and ignored for weeks. You sighed with relief when you found it and tugged on it. He was still there you could feel, but the bond was dulled, as if life had been sucked out of it. 
You burst into tears, never having imagined that the beautiful bond you cherished would ever be in such a weak state. This feeling you had feared, the feeling of Azriel fighting for his life, of barely being there overwhelmed you.
You cried for him, for your love, for everything that had happened until your throat felt hoarse and the tears wouldn’t come anymore. You had sat there by his side for hours, squeezing his hand and murmuring his name over and over, tugging at the bleak bond, willing it to go back to normal. 
All night you spent by his side, the sun was now rising over the mountains of Velaris when you felt a hand land on your shoulder. It was firm and gentle- Rhys. You didn’t look up at him, your head pressed against Azriel’s hand, cradled within your own. When your tears had dried you had resorted to praying to the mother, you were convinced if you prayed enough he would be okay and you wouldn’t let anything interrupt the prayers that tumbled out of you. 
“Y/N” Rhys mumbled, sitting down next to you, arm now wrapped around you. “He’s going to be okay.” 
When he realized you would not acknowledge him until you felt satisfied with your orison, Rhys pulled you into a hug, waiting for you to finish. He does not know how long he sat there next to you, only that the sun was now high up in the sky. You slumped against him, still not letting go of Azriel's hand and started crying again. “You knew” he heard you say, and he felt a pang in his chest. He realized now that not only had you been hurt by Azriel, but he had hurt you as well. 
He nodded, “I’m sorry for keeping it from you.” He said “I was only doing what I thought best. I will let Azriel explain everything when he wakes up, I want you to hear it all from him. But just know I am sorry” 
He felt your body shake more violently at the mention of Azriel. “What if he doesn’t wake up?” you asked, voice small and filled with agony. 
“He will, Y/N. He will.” He pulled you away to look in your eyes, making sure you were taking in his words. “Madja and Helion have both guaranteed that he will wake up, his body just needs to heal.” 
You nodded, calming down slightly at his words. “How long has he been here?”
At this, he looked down, embarrassed to tell you he had kept yet another thing from you in hopes that Azriel could go to you himself and tell you he had gotten rid of the promise. “He has been here a few days, I-I didn’t take it would take long for him to wake up. I wanted him to be able to tell you.”
You only nodded, having already guessed as much, piecing together Azriel’s absence outside your door with his unconscious body. Later, you would give Rhys hell for keeping it from you, but currently you had no energy to fight. You leaned into his hug further, needing the comfort he provided and resigned yourself to waiting. 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It took three more days for Azriel to wake up, Rhys had briefly explained that the impact had been greater than it should have been because they had manipulated Elain into consenting to break the promise instead of her going willingly into it. You could feel the anger Rhys felt towards his sister in law as he explained- making sure you understood they had coerced her in a way not too unlike how she had done to Azriel when he made the promise. Your anger towards Azriel had diminished, you still wanted to hear what he had to say, but you were ready to forgive him. All you wanted was for him to wake up.
You were sitting next to Azriel, head nodding off in sleep. After almost four days of little to no  sleep, you were struggling to fight it off. Your eyes had fully shut and you could feel yourself drifting when you felt the hand you were holding twitch.
Immediately you gasped and sat up, watching with wide eyes as Azriel’s eyebrows furrowed. He seemed to battle with himself to wake up and once he finally did you stood up grabbing a cup of water for him. He looked at you with daze eyes and croaked out, “I’m sorry”
Your heart melted, his voice was barely there and you shushed him, raising the cup to his lips, urging him to drink some water. He gulped down the water you offered, pulling back to catch his breath, then he looked at you again, eyes filled with sorrow before he whispered again “I’m so sorry, my love”
You only nodded, too overwhelmed with emotion to form any words. Instead, you pushed everything you were feeling down the bond and in return Azriel poured all of his love. You could feel how sorry he was, his love for you, his sadness. His eyes watered at feeling the bond thrumming again, he had been convinced he would never feel it again and he thanked the mother for blessing him with such an amazing mate.
 “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he kept mumbling, groggy from his week-long slumber and unable to form any other coherent sentences. 
You shushed him and cradled his face to your body, peppering his face with kisses wanting to convey how grateful you were for your mate. You stayed there, curled up against him the rest of the night, letting him know how much you loved him, your mate, who had risked his life to make things right. 
“I would do it again, for you, I would do anything” he murmured, head tucked in the crook of your neck, before drifting off into sleep again.
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lightlycareless · 3 months
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hiii i rly love how you portray naoya and i really like how you got naoya's character on point like...... HOW
but like im imagining this headcanon wherein y/n and naoya are lovers and naoya brought up the topic of having an "open relationship" and naoya ends up getting no bitches/loses them in the process and y/n ends up getting approached by men who naoya respects a lot or someone he really looks up to and naoya becomes jealous and very insecure even though he was the one who wanted to open the relationship (reminds me of what you wrote about naoya's jealousy towards nanami)
Hello anon!
Awww, thank you so much ❤️❤️ I spent a lot of time thinking how to make Naoya as realistically possible, how to redeem him and such, which was difficult, but satisfying at the same time.
Yet, something a-hole behaviors of him would remain, lol it has to, or it wouldn't be him, you know???
And the open relationship thing is soooo in character for him. Ugh that man, seriously... As much as I want to deny it, I feel like he would bring it up (but in a universe he isn't like completely devoted to you, like he has yet to realize just how much you mean to him—all paths point to the same destination, it's just... how he gets there that matters lol)
Anyways, here are the warnings of this oneshot 😏: y/n has a harem essentially. gojo, suguru, nanami, and an extra one I've been dying to write. :)))) mentions of infidelity, naoya is a bastard. and a sprinkle of smut. fluff, and angst.
Without any further a do, happy reading!!
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When the idea of an open relationship is suggested… the first of many fractures unwittingly struck your relationship.
First by shattering the image you had of him.
Sure, your feelings for Naoya remained, which is what made this ordeal far more painful…
But that didn’t mean you couldn’t harbor other emotions, such as anger.
“—just before we finally settle.” Is the lousy excuse he gives you when confronted, another stab to your heart. “Get it out of the system, you know?”
No. You don’t know, because for the past few years, Naoya is the only man you’ve had eyes for, to the point of imagining a future with him—and solely him.
It hurts to even consider he hasn’t been doing the same, probably already interested in some other woman, the reason behind his suggestion in the first place.
“I don’t want to…” you murmur, doing your best to not leave the table, or at least not shed a tear.
“It’ll only be a short time.” Naoya insists. “This way, we can know if we’re truly meant for each other. See if we don’t feel the same with others, hm?”
It’s stupid.
It really is—
Naoya’s suggestion… and your devotion to make him happy.
Because even after all the dumb things he said to justify the unjustifiable, you still wanted to please him.
“I guess we could go through restrictions or something, not that I have an—”
“No sex.” The rapid way in which you reply is something Naoya can’t help but find adorable, interpreting your eagerness as jealousy, overprotectiveness… before brushing it off as silly.
“Y/N—my love, you’re not seriously thinking we can reach a conclusion without that now, can we?”
Truth to be told, you didn’t want to find out. Not through this way at least, by laying in the arms of another…
Thus, could he really blame you for trying to fight it?
“Besides, don’t you want to try it out too?” Naoya smirks. “I’m fine with it, really. It’s a two-way street, after all. What’s good in me having all the fun?”
What hurts more?
That fact that Naoya wanted to pursue other women with your permission?
Or that he was pushing you onto other men, appearing careless to whatever you did or didn’t do with them?
It’s not that Naoya doesn’t care—far from that, really. He doesn’t like when men do as little as glance in your direction.
But he doesn’t worry because he knows there’s nothing to worry about.
Trusting that his hopelessly-in-love girlfriend would never betray him like that. Aware that your attention and devotion has been on him the moment you took him into your heart—and that no matter what, you’ll always come back to him.
It’s why he suggested the idea in the first place, because he’s long acknowledged that even past your limits, you still tolerate him.
Thus, unsurprised that you agreed to this change—Naoya leaving the apartment soon after that.
Looks like you were right in assuming he already had someone in mind to debut this new arrangement; willing to bet anything to prove he’s already on his way to her.
…Well, you hope that Naoya at least respects the only condition both agreed on: to not bring any partners to the apartment.
Not that you’d be there to see much of it anyways, opting to stay in your friend’s—Shoko— apartment for the time being.
“Can’t say I didn’t think him capable of doing something like that—but I guess I never thought he’d actually do it, not after dating you as long as he did.” She’d say, before taking a deep huff of her cigarette and exhaling.
You always found it endearing how she’d release the smoke to the side, as if it didn’t permeate the air around you… but at least Shoko cares enough to try. Not sure if you think the same of Naoya anymore…
“So much for having faith on him…”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” you say, offended yet intrigued by her implications.
“I mean, you knew of the rumors before dating him, Y/N.” Shoko adds, you sigh. That, you did. “I don’t want to say I told you so, but…”
“I guess I was hoping they weren’t real, either.” You slowly admit. “…What am I going to do, Shoko?”
A breakup isn’t exactly what you had in mind, certainly not what you wanted to do….
But why do that now when you could take advantage of this exploitable opportunity? An opening all too obvious to Shoko, which she doesn’t hesitate to let you know.
“Give him a taste of his own medicine.” She suddenly suggests. “He told you, didn’t he? That you were good to be with other men.”
“But I don’t want to.” You shake your head. “I don’t—I don’t think I can.”
“It’s exactly the same, just another face if that’s what you’re wondering.” Shoko explains, but to you, it was much deeper than that, always has been, for an emotional personal like you.
It’s why she was so angry that your beloved boyfriend was quick to disregard your feelings.
“Ok, sure, let’s say I agree.” You play along. “How do I even start? It’s been a while since I’ve been in the dating scene—I don’t even know if I’m still… desirable.”
Oh, if you only knew some were dying for this moment.
The first to approach you, and shockingly no less than a day after, was Gojo.
It was through an unexpected text, making you surprised he still had your number after all that time—or at all, considering you didn’t really text anyone outside of your family, close friends, and… Naoya.
Satoru once belonged to your social circle, but due to unknown reasons of his own, most likely to do with Suguru, he strayed.
Either way, you responded as amicably expected.
S: [Are you doing anything tonight?]
Y: [No… why?]
S: [Let’s get something to eat 😋]
Y: [Did you text the wrong person?]
S: [Wait, is this not Y/N’s number?]
Y: [It is…]
S: [Then I’ll pick you up later at Shoko’s apartment, 7 alright for you?]
Y: [Wait, how do you even know where I’m staying?]
S: [It’s a date, then! See you soon!]
It was good to see that Satoru remained as… well, pushy as ever. Not that you were glad to have been pulled into this outing without further precedent, but you eventually succumbed to the flow, and soon, you were in one of the fanciest restaurants of the city, sitting at a table Satoru had gotten through a reservation (difficult to do so given the status of the establishment, guess he can do anything that he sets his mind to), while chatting the evening away with just about anything that crossed his mind.
Regardless of how… oddly this situation came to be, you still found enjoyment in catching up with an old friend of yours. It had been so long since anyone had seen him, many even thought he had left the country all together.
Not that you had a way to know, since your connections were already limited thanks to Naoya—One of the many things you’ve had to sacrifice in to keep your attention solely on him.
Was your relationship with him always this consuming?
Well, you had lots of catch up with Satoru either way—it almost felt like you were getting to know him all over again! Happy to see that he essentially remained the same (somewhat irritating) goofball he always was.
But unfortunately, just as the good remained, the bad also prevailed, which you’d be reminded of when going for a walk around the city, just a few blocks down the main road when both were approached by a group of women, who upon catching sight of him and his undeniable attractiveness, knew they needed his attention.
That’s the thing with Satoru. Raised as the heir of a highly prestigious company, he just never got enough of it. Always wanting more and more, and not afraid to do whatever necessary to get it, careless if it was to the detriment of others.
Thus, you assumed it wouldn’t take long before he completely ignored you in favor of them, leaving you behind.
When talking about him, you normally wouldn’t care if he left you or not. He was just another friend, long accustomed to his ways. It was just… never like that.
But after all that happened with Naoya, it’s like your still-healing wound reopened, pain sharper when slowly reminded that even with a friend, you weren’t good enough to retain their attention, less their care…
Well, at least it was a good distraction, and you got to see Satoru again. You wonder how much would a taxi cost to take—
“Seriously, couldn’t you be any denser?? I’m on a date here!”
As if you’d been showered with a bucketful of ice-cold water, you freeze, blinking while slowly turning to see him and his angered face.
Did you… Did you hear him right?
“Get lost.” Satoru doesn’t even bother letting them respond before his hand is already on your back, gently pushing you forward and away from the group, leaving behind both the distraught, slightly spiteful women…
And your erroneous preconceptions.
As he goes back to the previous conversation you two were having, acting as if nothing happened, even suggesting getting something sweet to serve as dessert —your choice, he’d tease— all the self-doubt you felt for his actions immediately evaporates.
It was simple, more likely unintentional, but his gesture in defending your importance, highlighting the fact he wanted to be with you, against how he usually behaved…
Made you feel special, realizing that perhaps it wasn’t that hard to be somewhat of a decent person.
Yet, your feelings…
“It was a nice night out.” Satoru would say once parked outside Shoko’s apartment complex, signifying the end of your unexpected yet pleasurable evening with him.
“Yeah, it was… nice.”
“I hope we can do this again.” But you don’t keep your hopes up, not when your feelings for Naoya were still there, prickling at the back of your mind, inundating you with a sense of wrongfulness, for you were never one to offer the other cheek, regardless of what your estranged boyfriend was or wasn’t doing.
Unless Gojo were to do something to make you… well, not change your mind, but rattle your beliefs, if only for a moment, when he ruffled the top of your head, giving you a smile, before softly kissing your forehead.
Alongside the reminder that…
“You’re too pretty to be upset about someone like him.”
Albeit archaic, his words convinced you that perhaps… you could do with another day like this.
The second to approach you, yet again to much of your surprise, is Geto. Just a few days after Satoru did. Although his invitation was much more… palpable.
In other words, you were getting lunch with Shoko when he made his “sudden” appearance, joining the two for a bite, before driving both back to her apartment, only voicing his intentions when she was out the car, leaving you alone.
Although sweet, wholeheartedly intending to spend time with you, you could still that some of it lingered the realms of an unspoken competition between him and Satoru—which you didn’t know whether to be flattered by, or worried…
“—and let me guess. He spent the whole evening talking about himself.”
Somewhat, not that you cared to justify, really, for you were far more enthralled in learning all that he’s been up to since he left.
But it was the truth either way.
Geto sighs.
“We’ll do something better.” And so, is how the date begins, by first taking you to the mall, window shopping through essentially every store that crossed your path, while catching up with him—he too had disappeared for a while, motives unclear, although the common theory was that he had a nasty falling out with Gojo. But now it seems they’re on good terms given the way he occasionally mentioned him throughout the conversation.
Beyond that, you assumed Geto also took this visit as a good opportunity to go through some pending errands, maybe get something for himself as well—or… for someone else.
The things he was looking at were quite eye-catching, after all, very gift appropriate.
Regardless of who it was intended to, you were right to assume they were special to him if he was considering buying a diamond necklace…
But yet again, that’s what you believed—reality was simply much different.
Or obvious.
“Why don’t you try it on?”
“Huh?”
“I asked if you wanted to try it on— I know it’ll look beautiful on you.” He’d say that, genuinely, with just about anything he deemed suitably for you, ranging from jewelry to clothes…
With your face flaring every single time.
“Oh—I—I don’t—” you stammer, struggling whether to decline his offer because this is all too luxurious for your taste…
Or because you were still processing the words that made you blush in the first place… alongside the fact that at one point, his hand had reached for yours without even noticing, intertwining his fingers with yours and staying that way while the two continued to walk around the mall.
Just… why did Satoru and Suguru decided to appear out of the nowhere?
“No, thank you.” Is what you eventually manage to say. If he’s noticed your nerves, he doesn’t say, instead, he simply gives your hand a soft squeeze, followed by another equally charming smile. “I don’t feel like trying out things either way.”
“Don’t worry about it, then. Perhaps another time.”
At his promise, you can’t hold back your skin from growing increasingly hotter, doing your best to instead focus on the movie the two agreed to watch, with little to no success, of course, considering Geto also took this opportunity to unconsciously drape his arm over your shoulders and move you closer.
While stereotypical, it still manages to fluster, and that’s how you’d remain for the rest of the date: even when getting something to eat, or when it was time to take you back to Shoko’s apartment once late enough.
But on the way back to the parking lot, you’re able to snap out of this trance when something catches your attention, just by the corner of your eye, effectively stopping you on your tracks.
Something simple, like a minimal black halter dress… unintentionally the same model you’ve wanting to try since forever, but never daring to do so, believing that your body was unbefitting of such style—and quickly, you moved on.
Your gaze didn’t linger much on it beyond a few mere seconds, certainly not for Suguru to notice, or so you considered…
But when the next day comes, a package is suddenly delivered at Shoko’s apartment, with your name on it, that by various personal reasons you open with great anticipation, growing distraught when seeing it had to do nothing with what you projected—
Quickly flustered upon realizing that the sender was Suguru all along, demonstrating his attentiveness by gifting you the same dress you saw last night, as well as his intentions of seeking something more with you.
“I enjoyed our time together. I wish to see you again—hopefully with this dress.”
You didn’t think you were too obvious when it came to your reaction, but at Shoko’s mention, you finally acknowledge you’ve been smiling, heart loudly pounding against your chest as you lovingly held the dress, moved by his gesture…
For when was the last time someone had gifted you something to your liking, without having to beg for it? Without having to justify why you wanted it?
Had it really been that long?
Just what else was missing in your relationship with Naoya…?
Or perhaps, not wanting to face?
Your feelings, to begin with.
Because as attentive and caring Satoru and Suguru had been, neither were courageous enough to acknowledge the situation that put you in their reach in the first place, opting to instead reap the benefits, but ignore the rest.
It wasn’t malicious, not at all. It’s been stated by now that they truly cared for you, always checking in on you whenever possible.
It’s just that… they didn’t feel comfortable doing so yet, believing they were far from appropriate, or close enough, to do so.
Judging by those characteristics, the only one worthy enough, and the one that would end up confronting you for that matter, was Nanami, who wanted to see you as soon as he found out the horrible situation Naoya had forced you to but struggled to do so thanks to his strenuous new job.
But once he was free, the first thing he did was call you, eventually meeting in Shoko’s apartment (she was gone for the day, for privacy matters, how convenient) and thus, everything else unfolded.
“Why are you even dating Naoya if he’s hurting you so much?”
“I—I don’t think that’s for you to discuss.” You objected, going through a roller coaster of emotions, a combination of unwillingness to speak of the matter, and fear of admitting the truth.
To talk about something like this was never an easy matter, more so when the situation was already deep in hot water…
Yet, his assertive nature didn’t come as a surprise to you anymore, nor permitted you to avoid it.
Nanami had always been this way, the one willing to speak about difficult things, rip the bandage, careless if you were prepared for it or not.
And let everything that is meant to happen, happen.
“My relationship is something only I should speak about! And when I feel ready for it…”
“Not when I see how much it’s hurting you.” He rebutted. “When was the last time you were genuinely happy at his side? Or where you didn’t have to sacrifice your personal life just to keep him happy?”
It’s obvious what he’s referring to—Nanami is another one of your friends you’ve lost contact with due to Naoya’s… jealousy. But different from Satoru and Suguru, he cared too much to just let you go, consistently reaching out to you whenever possible—even when you never answered.
“You don’t know what we agreed on—”
“I don’t think that losing your friends was part of that.”
“You don’t know him, you don’t know Naoya at all!’
“And you do?” Nanami counters, breath hitching at your throat, upset by his abruptness. “You once said Naoya was crude, but he’d never do anything to willingly hurt you—and yet, here you are, in an open relationship you clearly didn’t want.”
“Kento—that’s—” your voice trembles, his words too close for comfort. “That’s not—"
“Then why? Why do you keep tolerating him?” Nanami frowns. “Do you hate yourself that much?”
“What? No!” You shake your head, aghast by his accusation. “That’s not it, at all!”
“Then what is it, Y/N? What could possibly entail sticking around with a man that has done nothing but hurt you?”
“Stop it…”
“Seeing other women while still being with you? Is that your idea of a good relationship?”
“Kento, please—”
“It’s never my intention to offend you, but I can’t help believing you’re growing desperate—seeking for something you can’t have with him! So why? Why do you try so hard to make it work, when he clearly doesn’t deserve—"
“Because I don’t want to be alone, ok?!” You eventually shriek, tears in your eyes as his words stung your heart too deeply, too much to handle in silence anymore. “It’s just as simple as that!”
Nanami’s eyes widen, taken aback by your unexpected outburst and confession, yet, as surprised as he was, if not bothered, he was also very, greatly hurt by its meaning.
Your words unknowingly disregarding everyone else that had ever been there for you.
And such, he cannot believe it. He doesn’t—not when he’s been there all along.
“Don’t lie to me, Y/N.” Nanami insists. “What is the truth? Is he forcing you to this??”
“No, Kento, he’s not!” you objected. “I truly want to be with him, because he’s the only one that has ever wanted to be with me.”
“You know very well that’s not true.”
“Seems like our perspectives vary greatly.” You frown. “I remember attempts of trying to get close to people, only to be pushed to the side when someone better came along. Person after person, they all just… ignored me; either because I was overshadowed by my family, or because I was too mundane to compete with others.
Until… Naoya came along. He was the only one that saw me for who I was. Even though it was mostly because I fit the mold he wanted.
But even then… I was happy to play along, because it meant that for the first time in my life, I meant someone to something.”
“That’s what you think? That you didn’t mean anything to no one else?”
“It’s not what I think—It’s what I know.” You sniffle, doing your best to hold back the tears pooling in your eyes from falling. “…Even now I know I’m only relevant because I’m Naoya’s girlfriend… but once that’s gone, I’m sure no one will look my way—"
“That’s not true.” He swiftly interjects.
“…And how would you know that? How would you know that this time, fate wouldn’t be cruel to me, like it has always been?!”
“Because there is someone that cares for you.”
“Let me guess, my parents.”
“No—I didn’t mean them.” Nanami frowns.
“Then who—” you breathe. “Who are you referring to??”
And suddenly, thanks to his softening eyes and growing silence…  something clicks in your mind and all makes sense.
His anger, his protectiveness, his insistence…
There was a reason behind them all, only now does it become clear to you.
“…Why didn’t you say anything?” you softly ask, heart sinking when looking back at the dismissive way you treated him, always standing by your side, and yet…
“Because you seemed happy with Naoya.” Nanami adds. “Perhaps I was at fault too, for not having spoken of my feelings before, but… after seeing the way you smiled with him, I supposed it was for the best if I instead, supported you as a friend.
But because I’m your friend, I can’t allow you to go on thinking no one has ever cared for you. That no one has loved you for who you are… or will never do.
And most importantly, remind you that this—this isn’t what happiness looks like.”
At his open declaration, you couldn’t stop the wave of overwhelming emotions from washing over you, a combination of shock, sadness, and perhaps… longing, wondering what would’ve happened if you knew of his feelings back then.
Would you have accepted them? Or would everything continue as it does now?
Well, one thing is for sure—Nanami would’ve never suggested something like this; the thought wouldn’t even cross his mind!
But it’s too late now. You’ve made your decision and now, you were suffering the consequences…
However, you didn’t have to be alone anymore—and Nanami would reassure you of such by the following words, the same one’s he wished to have told you back then… and possibly save you from all this pain.
“I love you, Y/N. I always did, and I’ll always do. Even if we never see each other again—you’ll always remain in my heart.”
Because he would rather die than to make decisions that hurt you.
Leading you to unwittingly discover what it was to feel loved, for the first time in your life.
A heartwarming sensation, with no strings attached, just… someone that wishes your well-being above everything else, alongside your happiness, and nothing more.
And such, something grows inside you, something that pushes you to be closer to him, far beyond this day—
Coincidentally, he’s also the first one you kiss.
After Nanami’s visit, your days would slowly become brighter, although the grey cloud of Naoya’s seeming infidelity still lingered in the background.
But even then, your mind didn’t dwell on him for long, difficult to do so thanks to Satoru’s, Suguru’s, and now, Nanami’s interventions, as well as Shoko’s advice of enjoying the best of your new status.
The men involved didn’t seem to mind… too much.
Sure, their jealousy would sometimes rise to the occasion (from one person in specific) but as long as you continued to be attentive with them, they were willing to “share”, believing it was only a matter of time before you left that jerk-of-a boyfriend of yours once and for all, settling for on them instead.
Long story short, everything seemed to go on peacefully with your new routine…
Until the sudden appearance of a man you never expected to see, less set his eyes on you, since the only time you’ve seen him was that one instance you became acquainted with him thanks to Naoya’s business, never to speak again, disrupted all you held true.
While you might’ve seen this moment as expendable, forgettable even, to him, it was the fated day he knew he must have you—a growing desire to make you his when the time was right.
Naoya’s stupidity opening that door.
Sukuna was the owner of a rival company, a fierce competitor that always made the Zen’in uneasy whenever mentioned, constantly keeping them on their toes—because with a man as belligerent as him, to let their guard down, if just for the slightest, meant the complete loss of all they’ve worked for.
It’s safe to say that Sukuna had garnered the reputation of being aggressively intimidating, thus it was only right to assume that his approach would be of the same nature.
“I—I can’t” is what little you manage to muster through the fear constricting your throat; you still remember the eeriness you felt when meeting him that one time, never believing it could worsen… until you had him just a few feet away.
“I wasn’t asking.” He responds, the tone in his voice not only highlights his sincerity, but also warns you there won’t be a second chance.
Urging you to do what’s best for you, less…
Perhaps out of fear of experiencing his anger, some kind of retribution, or because deep inside, past your worry and hesitation, you were genuinely intrigued to know what a man like him might’ve found interesting in you… you accept.
Because after all was said and done, he was far different to what you were normally accustomed to…
As well as to willing to bargain for.
You don’t know what it was—maybe it was your blinding intrigue, your desire to taste something way beyond your reach… or because you took Shoko’s words a bit too literally, even though with him, she insisted you to be careful…
You ended up following Sukuna into his apartment; And not only that, but you also let him show you what true desire meant, in more ways than one, sure to never forget.
“Su—Sukuna—!” you’d breathe, whatever little you could muster through the tightening of your chest and the fuzziness of your mind, harshly gripping his arms, as he pushes you over the edge and into your release for what seemed to be the nth time that night. “Sukuna, please—I need—I need a break—”
“No—you will take it!” he groans, holding your waist and keeping you in place as his cock deep into your core, each time harsher than the last one, bruising that spot that always made you see stars over and over again; unexpectedly, a place that Naoya was all too ignorant of, Sukuna being amongst the few, if not the only, to achieve such feat.
No wonder you were reacting the way you were, losing yourself in pleasure, because just as he teased…
“This is the first time you’ve ever been with a real man, isn’t it?” He laughs when feeling you quiver against his hold, feeble against the sensations he’s relentlessly giving you, finding your numbing reaction, eyes rolling to the back of your head, mouth agape, and toes curling… to be quite adorable.
Doing all in his power to get more of this reaction—hopefully, beyond this night too.
“They simply don’t make the cut! —But how could they? With a cunt as lewd as yours, one isn’t enough!”
Sukuna doesn’t find satisfaction in seeing you with other men, less when you’re still “taken”.
But ever the one to seek advantage, even in the most uneven of fields, Sukuna was quick to see the endless possibility this opportunity provided—more than ready to exploit them…
“Don’t—don’t say that!” you’d moan, with such an exciting cry, Sukuna just couldn’t help prolonging this night. “That’s not—that’s not tru—ah!”
And keep you all for himself.
“I don’t want you staying at that hideous apartment anymore.” Sukuna would mutter the moment you opened your eyes; having fallen asleep soon after the strenuous ordeal, and suffering from its aftermath as soon as conscious.
“It’s not… nasty.” You groan, slowly blinking as you look back at him, doing your best to push yourself up from the bed, only to fall back down when resulting too weak to do so. However, even when dealing with the sharp pains across your body alongside unbearable drowsiness, you’re capable enough to defend Shoko. “…It’s a nice place.”
He chuckles.
“Yeah, I’m sure it is.” Sukuna then reaches over to the nearby bedside table, sliding the first drawer open and taking out a pair of keys which he’d give over to you soon after.
You look at it perplexedly, confused as to their meaning… before growing shocked, slumber completely gone from your body when listening the following statement.
“From now on, you’re staying in my apartment.”
“Wh—what?” First that, and now, this? Sukuna meant no joke when it came to you. “No, I can’t accept this!”
“You sure love making me repeat myself, woman.” He scoffs. “It’s not a matter of whether you can or cannot—you will.”
It’s an amazing talent of Sukuna to always sound threatening even when dealing with the most ordinary of things, but either way, you’re not interested in testing how far his limits went, and thus, (not that you had any other option) you accept the keys while silently wondering what the future holds for you by making this decision…
“Uraume will help you move your things. I better see you here when I come back after work—less you wish to be punished again.” He smirks, fingers sliding along your skin before pulling you close to him once more, a whine escaping your lips as you realize what is to transpire next yet again.
Guess you’ll find out soon enough.
As well as what Naoya’s been up to, for the day Sukuna allowed you to, you decide to go back to your shared apartment to pick up a few things to take with… him, now that you’re essentially living together.
It was a very awkward arrangement, if you thought about it, one that Shoko was strictly opposed to, but… well, you would be lying if you didn’t admit you were having a good time (outside of the painful pleasures he pushed you through every night) for a plethora of luxurious reasons. Far nicer than what you were used to seeing with Naoya.
Which you could openly enjoy due to Sukuna’s absence, rarely getting to see him due to work commitments, Uraume representing him instead… not that it was any better, for they were just as awkward as awkward can get.
And yet, not as much as what happened when you walked through the door of your shared apartment with Naoya, welcomed by the one person you did not expect to see there, believing him to be completely enraptured in his new freedom, given the silence he always responded with whenever you texted or called him.
“Naoya?” You asked, although confused, you were more… shocked to see his distraught appearance, almost as if he hadn’t been able to sleep for the last few days—or at all.
“What are you doing here?” you add. “I thought… well, I thought you’d be… somewhere else.”
“I can say the same thing about you.” He frowns. “Is it true that you’re staying with that woman?”
“Her name is Shoko…” you murmur; even when away, Naoya remains…
Either way, given his attention on her, it seems like he doesn’t know about Sukuna, yet.
Or Gojo.
Or Geto.
Or Nanami.
Because if he did, it would’ve been the first thing he mentioned; his jealous nature never one to take as a jest.
Unless…
“But yes, I am staying with her.” You confirm. “What about… you? Where have you been staying?”
… and still, you can’t help but worry for him.
“Here.” He confesses, you blink.
“…Really?” Even when skepticism is evident in your voice, he doesn’t not say anything else. Instead…
“Yes. And… it’s time for you to come back home.”
“Why? What happened?” you fret, naturally fearing the worst…
Which you were right in assuming, just that… it wouldn’t be what you expected.
“You—you had enough fun.” Naoya unwittingly stammers, a scowl on his face, or was it sorrow? As he continued. “It’s time for you to remember you’re mine and come back home.”
“Enough… fun?” You slowly repeat, invertedly hurt by his words, as if he weren’t the one that set up this situation in the first place, yet, still overwhelmingly confused as to what he meant.
Suspicion that perhaps he did know about your flings after all begins to settle in your mind, but it isn’t until his following words that it finally takes roots.
“Don’t hide it, Y/N—I know you’ve seen others. And quite frequently too!”
“You’re… you’re doing the same thing.” You immediately respond, scurrying to defend yourself. “And you don’t see me complaining…”
Even if you wanted so much to do so.
“No, of course not—too busy with them, aren’t you??”
“Excuse me? You’re—You’re one to talk! You never answered any of my texts, or calls!” you gasp. “Do you even know how… how…”
Hurt I was?
Guessing by his absence, you assume not.
… Oh, how you wished Naoya kept silent. Kept his words to himself and went on acting as he always did, because maybe, you wouldn’t have felt this burning anger stirring inside you, created by the reassurance by those around you, the reminder that you were still deserving of being cared for, appreciated.
Far more than what Naoya has ever done for you in the past few years.
That much you see now.
“… Let me get this straight, Naoya… you want me to come back… because you don’t want me to see others, even though you did the same thing??” you say, and by the gloomy look in Naoya’s eyes, you could tell you guessed right, stinging a nerve while in the process.
Yet not a sentiment that insulted him, but rather… reminded him of the shocking truth he’s keeping away from you.
Hoping it stays that way, unless you place the pieces together yourself.
“Do not talk to me like that.” He warns, you frown.
“I’m just stating the truth—you went to see someone as soon as you left that day, didn’t you?”
“That’s not—why does it even matter at this point? You did the same afterwards!”
“Again with that—You were the one that suggested it in the first place!” you gasp. “Why does it bother you so much?? Didn’t you…. Weren’t you encouraging me to it?!”
“Yeah, but it’s not like I expected you to actually—”
Realizing the imprudence of his words, he suddenly goes silent.
“Expected to actually… what?” you frown.
Naoya doesn’t answer, all he does is scoff before looking away.
A few more seconds of silence, something clicks in your mind.
Anger finally taking a hold of your emotions.
Because just how foolish could you have been?
“Please, come back.” Is what Naoya eventually says. “I don’t want an open relationship anymore—let’s just forget about this and… move on.”
“And why would I do that?” you scowl. “Don’t you have other dates to go to?”
Silence yet again.
“Naoya?”
“I don’t. I… never did.”
The truth jolts you far more than you imagined, for it completely contradicts all that you once believed to be true, replacing the pain you’d been feeling since that day, the tears, the anger, and all your actions… with nothing.
As if everything you suffered… was void of any true meaning.
But that was only one point of view, you had yet to see Naoya’s. The truth as to why he hadn’t gotten any dates.
Or at least… successful ones.
Naoya did go out with women that caught his interest, having his go-to procedure ready to go when it came to impressing them, such as taken them to an expensive restaurant, gifting them luxurious jewelry, or simply showing off the privilege his family name provided— things he was sure would get him in their pants.
But when he thought it was only a matter of seconds before he got lucky, they would coldly ignore him, turn around, and… disappear.
It was difficult for him to understand why that happened, considering all that he “offered” …
What he failed to realize, though, is that one simple yet big problem stood between him and his ultimate goal: a personality many weren’t willing to tolerate, especially with the intensity he seemed to go on about, no matter the amount of riches he represented.
And soon, it wouldn’t take long before rumors of his personality began to spread into the circles he was involved in, not like it wasn’t happening already beforehand, Naoya was already well-known as a bratty heir with an equally explosive temperament—he just became more… popular.
Rumors he never had issues with, unbothered by them, because you… well, you seemed to not care for them. Willingly tolerating him instead, perhaps far more than he was deserving of, and keeping by his side, no matter what.
Giving him a false sense of confidence.
Unfortunately, he wouldn’t come to realize this until seeing you with someone else—whispers and sightings of your dates, far more successful than any of his attempts, and without even trying, was enough to ignite a fire under his ass and come rushing to you.
Falsely believing it was just a matter of calling it off for everything to return as it was—you by his side, and his blinding jealousy effectively gone. Because only he deserved to have you.
Failing to realize the damage he’s already struck onto this relationship,
Yet, he still came back, shamelessly expecting he’d be received with the forgiveness, compassion and care you unconditionally provided, no matter the gravity of his mistakes…
But what seemed noble, prophetic even, for him—
Was only insulting to you, and when the nature of his actions reveals itself to you, your anger transforms intofury.
Because a man like Naoya shouldn’t have the freedom to openly discard you, and then want you back when things aren’t going his way—without facing consequences.
You were not there to be a steppingstone of sorts, be there through every single step of the road, sacrifice your life… only to be replaced just because he wants.
It was painful, it was unjust…
And it was unpunished.
For him to make it up for you, he’ll have to face the repercussions of his acts, experience just how much you suffered…
Only then, would you consider going back to him.
“I’m sorry, but I have things to do.”
“What?” Naoya’s eyes widen. “What do you mean you have things to do, Y/N? What could you…—you’re going to see someone.”
“And what if I am?” you frown. “I’m not doing anything I’m not allowed to do.”
“I don’t want this anymore!” He gasps. “I don’t want you to see anyone else, just me!”
“…Then you’ll just have to wait until I’m done. Until I’m sure we belong together, you know? You said so yourself, I just need to get it out of my system before I make a decision—” At being served a spoonful of his own medicine, the color in Naoya’s face disappears. “Only then, will I’ll come back.”
If you ever do.
“Y/N—Wait!”
Because after what you have planned for the following weeks, Naoya would only be lucky if you even do as little as think of him.
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Shoko is the one that let everyone know of your new "single" life. Except Sukuna, that man has ears everywhere, and when he saw it as his moment, he rose to the occasion. Nice.
Not gonna lie, this idea has been on my mind for a while now, like, as soon as Y/N is single people begin to hound her. Everyoneeeeeeeee Naoya really does not realize the stupidity he committed until it's too late. :)
And there you have it, my take on an open relationship with him! I once read that open relationships don't work, unless you're talking about celebrities, and I'm honestly inclined to accept that...
But yeah, him doing this is like the worst thing Naoya could think of; there's just so many things that could go wrong—safe to say, in another universe 1) Naoya would never suggest it. 2) Y/N would never accept it lol.
Anyways, thank you so much for sending in this ask! I hope it was to your liking :> ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Take care, and hope to see you soon!
171 notes · View notes
honeytonedhottie · 4 months
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the happy pill⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🧁
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maintaining joy and building a lifestyle or habits that can sustain joy is important for mental health. even though circumstances may arise, im a firm believer that hope is possible and you can be happy.
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POSITIVITY ;
if ur someone with a negative mindset in general and you wanna change it to a more positive mindset here are some ground rules..
let the little things slide - don't worry about the little things, dont stress over something that isn't worth stressing over. that includes letting the little things that you have done slide too. dont beat yourself up about something that you've done before. thinking "ugh why'd i do that" is useless. instead, flip that thought to "what can i do to improve if i find myself in that situation again".
surround urself with things that spark positivity - surround urself with things that u love and the things that make you smile. and enjoy the little things/tasks that u do. ROMANTICIZE.
giving out some -> reaping double - when u give out positivity. encouraging words, compliments, even a simple smile, you get that DOUBLED. it actually helps so much to be sweet to others and compliment others and its even sweeter for you bcuz it brings so much happiness.
TAKING YOUR POWER BACK ;
dont give anyone or anything the power to make you unhappy. ofc there are circumstances that are unique to everyone but in general dont let someone else's bitterness or negativity influence ur own happiness. protect your energy. bcuz you are responsible for making u happy.
REFLECT ;
have self identity audits every now and then to keep yourself in check. to make sure that ur following thru with ur goals or that ur balancing ur distractions properly. and also, reflect on whats constantly draining ur joy or what u are doing to drain ur joy. some things that can drain you include..
social media detox - although social media has lots of positives, we cannot ignore the negatives. social media provides a false sense of connection that we crave (cuz human beings are social creatures) so taking a break from social media every now and then a couple times a year rly improves ur mental health in the long run.
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some things that can feed into ur joy can include..
gratitude - practicing gratitude without comparing your own achievements to someone else's. just being present and grateful for what u have.
laughter - learn to laugh and smile at things instead of getting worked up about it. laughing is such a mood booster.
literally ANYTHING, you know urself best and u know what makes you happy and what makes u smile so whatever it is that does that for you, DO that.
DO THINGS THAT ARE REFRESHING ;
doing things that are refreshing and replenish ur energy is a game changer for ur mental and emotional state and happiness. some refreshing things to do alone include..
watching the sunset/sunrise
meditation
journalling
practice self care
do something that u used to love doing
dance (it helps mentally too, taking u from rigid -> fluid)
DISTRACTIONS ;
when your constantly striving for perfection and you put all this pressure on urself, you'll end up growing into a bitter person, and thats not hot. so allow yourself to have distractions and have experiences and try new things bcuz thats what life is about.
however go about this with DISCERNMENT. allow yourself to have distractions that aren't harmful to you or others. an example of an unhealthy or harmful distraction is drinking. you can enjoy those things but enjoy them SAFELY. dont be too uptight with yourself and LET YOURSELF LIVE. but in that same breath protect yourself and get rid of whats taking away from ur happiness.
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hotchs-big-hands · 7 months
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Hcs about Aaron's body
Aaron Hotchner x GN!reader
18+ Minors dni please
I initially wrote these in dms, so it's not the most coherent thing I've written before but I feel like sharing them so here we are. Please enjoy :)
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Okay so when I was drawing the artwork and adding all the scars and the stretch marks I thought damn. There's no way he doesn't feel insecure abt it all, like. The scars were one thing but then he softened over the years and stretch marks sprouted across his lower abdomen and I feel like one day he caught sight of them in the mirror and just :(
Then he's dating you and it's great! He's loving everyday with you and he's feeling so, so alive. But then one day you are at his place and you're getting rly cosy and making out and you are pawing at the hem of his shirt, wanting to touch and to see him and he freezes.
You immediately stop, you ask if he's okay and he looks so panicked and sad. You ask what's going on and he says he's...well, he's not comfortable about taking his shirt off, that he's sorry and understands if you don't wanna keep going. You say
"Hey of course I am, it's alright." 🥺 so you do end up keeping going but he thinks about it, how he couldn't show you his body.
He starts to pull away a bit then cuz he's ashamed of himself and doesn't think you'll like the look of him and that he thinks he's pathetic being too afraid to show you his body. You notice and confront him gently and he finally admits it all. He's fucking sad, ashamed, scared what you'll think. And ugh your heart breaks. You cup his cheeks and gaze into his teary eyes and tell him there is NOTHING about him that would put you off him. He's shaking, the tears are free flowing and you just hold him, letting him get these emotions out. He's not been able to express how he's felt about this to ANYONE, not Beth, no one. But he trusts you so much and it feels nice to get this out.
When he slowly calms down he pulls back and you can see the cogs turning in his head. He finally says he feels ready to take his shirt off. You tell him only if he feels okay to. He nods and with your help he slowly lifts the shirt up over his head to reveal his body. Your eyes notice the hair of his happy trail and stomach, then the abundance of scars that cover his body. And you just bite back tears, hands ghosting over the surgical scars and the nine stab wounds. He shivers.
"It's okay to touch, they do feel sensitive sometimes though." He mumbles.
It takes every ounce of strength for him not to burst into tears again when you touch his scars with such tenderness and care.
You won't ask him to relay what happened, waiting for him to approach the subject on his own terms when he's ready. It's already a highly emotional day for him.
Idly, you notice the stretch marks and his grimaces when you graze them.
"I got soft at some point, don't know when." He begins to try justify them, but you just kiss his cheek.
"They are beautiful, you're so, so beautiful."
He's never been called beautiful before, and it makes his eyes well up with tears again. Only this time they are happier tears.
And when you're both laying in bed together and you're gently kissing all of those scars and stretch marks and lil beauty marks and freckles? His heart melts, and he truly does feel as beautiful as you say he is. Not once have you shied away from him, you've instead never been closer to him. And when you're laying together after making love, your hand stroking his stomach softly as you cuddle him he smiles; yes, he could get used to this.
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etoiile · 7 months
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WHAT MAYBE COULD HAVE BEEN
starring nagi seishiro!
synopsis: nagi has a nice life. its peaceful and he needn't work too hard, just like he likes it. sometimes, though, every once in a while, he sits around with his regrets thinking about what maybe could have been.
notes: i tried to write angst but it didnt rly work lolol
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nagi is, for the most part, pretty content with his life.
its kind of a no-think-just-do kind of thing, which he quite enjoys. he goes to his 9-5 office job, comes back, tends to choki, eats dinner, plays games for a few hours, and goes to bed. then, the cycle repeats. its basic, sure, but there's nothing wrong with that.
except that there's, well, everything wrong with that.
now, don't get him wrong. he's grateful for his relatively leisurely life and enjoys the slow pace. he's a lazy guy, after all. a life full of action and emotion just wouldnt be very him.
but still, every so often, nagi will find himself wondering, daydreaming, thinking, about what maybe could have been.
about what maybe could have been if he decided to go pro with isagi and reo and chigiri and them. maybe then, he could be rich and famous. his mind could be surpassing limits and soaring to new heights. he could be a renowned soccer player like that.. noel no.. something.. guy? the really good one on tv that chigiri was talking about. he could be an inspiration to millions!
nah, nagi doesnt need wealth nor fame. hes fine with the humble lifestyle he leads. plus, part of the reason he enjoys said lifestyle is because he doesnt need to do much thinking. his brain can just relax and be lazy. in some ways, its better this way. thinking is such a hassle!
but then, he thinks about what maybe could have been if he'd tried harder in school. he could be working a high-paying job and could be living in a house. choki could have a family and he'd be able to spend more freely. think of all the games he could buy that he cant afford on his corporate salary.
again, nah. he still did pretty well in school without much effort. a corporate job may not be fancy, but its good work. plus, what would he even be doing with a house? his apartment has all the space he needs, and choki's thriving on his own! he doesnt need cactus friends. plus, having to care for a house and more cactuses would be such a hassle. not to mention the work you have to put in for a higher-paying job.
but sometimes, he thinks about what maybe could have been if he kept in touch with his friends from blue lock. he could still have late-night talks with chigiri, and spend quality time at the park with isagi. then, he could actually hangout with people. reo's away pretty often, so they dont hang much.
once more, nah! nagi's plenty happy with choki, reo, and the coworkers that hes become friendly with. he's an introvert, after all. too many friends would become too exhausting, and it would zap the peacefulness out of his peaceful life. even being with reo is a hassle sometimes.
all of it is a hassle. he's fine with the way everything turned out, really.
but afterwards, once he's lying in his bed, trying to submit to slumber, he finds himself really, really thinking about what maybe could have been.
about what maybe could have been if he hadn't decided that you, too, were a hassle.
about what maybe, just maybe, could have been if he picked up your phone calls every time, even when he was gaming. about what maybe could have been if he took time out of his day for you and only you. about what maybe could have been if he said 'i love you' more, and comforted and reassured you. about what maybe could have been if he valued you. treasured you. treated you right.
about what maybe could've been if he'd done all of it right. then maybe, just maybe, he could be playing the match of his life right now, with you cheering him on in the sidelines, crying out his name, waiting to go home to a place you deserve to be with a whole choki family.
about what maybe could've been if he just didnt declare it all to be a hassle, and maybe he could've touched the stars.
but for now, nagi sleeps. he has to go to his 9-5 tomorrow, after all.
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𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐈𝐈𝐋𝐄 ©𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 please do not copy or repost my work on any other site. interactions appreciated! 🤍
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bestbouy · 8 months
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i think i just love the idea of the different universes with their like, styles???
like how Gwen's is totally watercolor and Hobie's is all scrapbookish punk n newspaper, y'know???? and, of course, Miles and Pavitr's are both more "normal" but they still have that... you know... v i b e... they're both normal but they have elements that make it their own. Like how Pavitr's universe is mainly super warm colors?
anyways this got me thinking y'know how it's super obvious Hobie has a different universe style?? not so much for Gwen because hers is a little different, but with the whole. changing skin, the OUTLINE, it's very obvious
I think it'd be super cool if in Hobie's universe, it's kind of like the opposite for anybody who's not from it? They have their own like, radius of... their own dimension???
I'm only comparing this to Hobie's dimension, it's very obvious none of this would happen in CANON so I'm literally just spitballing. Also because Hobie is the only one with the outline and funny overlay thing, and it'd be fun to play around with the other three's possible like,,, vibe!!
Gwen would leave like, imprints of watercolor? like dabbing it on a piece of paper, leaving color that dries out back to normal over time?? it would bleed into the world around her, it might even mimic her emotions with the color!
If she was upset it would be harsh, spread more, it would come out in spiked reds and blacks?
happy would seep in a lot more subtly, and cover a lot more space, but you wouldn't realize how much room it's taking up just because it's so slow to take it up and really is only at about.. idk, 20% opacity, slowly builds up the happier she gets? it would be more visible in puddles, just like with normal watercolor (Compared to anger, which would be very in-your-face and obvious)
It would rely a lot on her emotions, methinks, the stronger they are, the more visible the color!
Miles would have a sketchy, drawing-like atmosphere to him, kind of like what you can see on the spot y'know? and, since the spot came from Miles' dimension, I think it makes sense!
It would be less noticeable, but the things he interacts with would probably turn into a slightly stylized version of itself? A cup he holds or drinks from wouldn't change DRAMATICALLY, but it might copy his look and have sketch-like lines around it. Nothing huge, but enough that you can tell what he's touched in the past few minutes/hours
Pavitr would have a similar vibe to Gwen's, but with warm colors instead! His effect wouldn't change with emotions like hers, but it would probably bleed in the same way as hers. He would leave behind trails of warm oranges and yellows wherever he goes and leaving it behind on what he touches. He wouldn't notice this, but it would be veeery obvious to Hobie or anybody from his dimension.
Actually, I think the way that we can spot Hobie because of his differences in outline/radius effect would highly apply to them in his dimension! Everybody in Hobie's world can CLEARLY tell that Gwen, Miles and Pav aren't from there, and while the common person might not recognize they're from another universe, they might get the same feeling as if you were seeing like.. a skinwalker, or something. They're human, but it doesn't feel like it.
ANYWAYS back to Pavitr
He has a warm, cozy vibe, I think unlike the others his can seep more into emotions, I think he's an empathetic person and that melts into his little area effect. if he's super happy or excited about something the people around him get a tiny bit happier too!! when he's sad (and it's rly hard to make him sad bc this boy is POSITIVE THINKER #1) his colors get a bit colder, but I don't think they would affect other people like his happy ones do, honestly just SEEING such a normally happy guy so sad would do enough to ur mood than some radius effect lol
ANYWAYS that's just a lil thought. they are silly. and this is going into my ideas folder. have a good one n remember to drink water
(I would go on but this is super long already XD)
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gyuswhore · 11 months
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joking (not really) but if u can ... a fluffly hao drabble and it's just rly domestic idk?! maybe something w cats and early mornings IDK. i'm crazy i just need him sorry
I LOVED WRITING THIS SM EKFJEJREJKRF
masterlist
Minghao brought Fish home with the notion that this cat would become the light of his life (after you, maybe). But this Scottish Fold's personality would destine another kind of raging emotion.
Fish instead became the bane of Minghao's existence.
When he would buy the most expensive cat toys, climbing walls, collars, and food, all he would get was a private showing of his tail in the air. But when you'd throw a piece of chicken from your own plate, it was all Fish wanted to indulge in.
He doesn't understand where the hatred stems from, losing visions of calm sit-downs with you and your furbaby in between. Reality kicks him with scratches on his hands and knuckles, his presence on your other side where your cat wouldn't need to perceive him.
"Hao, he doesn't hate you" you reason with a particularly fussy Minghao. He's not having it though.
"Any sane person that sees me interact with that demon knows there's a rift in this house. You're just too preoccupied with his...his ass-kissery to notice!"
It takes a moment for you to collect the bubbling giggles in your chest. He was genuinely upset.
"But he's like this with every person, you know he's picky with his people" you try again, even moving forward to put your chin on his shoulder as he leaned against the headboard.
"I'm his father!" he says in a louder voice. "I brought him here and he does all this like I'm— speak of the devil"
Fish has poked the door open with his head to enter your room, bounding up to the bed to curl up on your lap.
"Okay, let's talk about this in the morning, hm? You're tired right now and this is just heating you up even more. Maybe we can get a pet therapist or something to work on your father-son relationship." The snort leaves you before you can stop it, to which Minghao can only roll his eyes.
You watch as he slithers down into bed properly, turning away from you to fall asleep. Moving Fish off your lap, you stroke your boyfriend's hair, leaving a couple kisses on his temple before moving to your side of the bed. He doesn't respond.
Minghao wakes up the next morning to Fish having taken his place, cuddled by your side sound asleep.
As much of an issue he has with your cat, he can't help but admire the scene in front of him, both of you calm as ever. Fish suddenly looks adorable to him, taken back to the day at the shelter when he'd found him as a kitten.
The owners told him he was a shy baby, more reserved than his brothers and sisters of the same litter. Hao thought it was a match made in heaven, the love pouring the second he laid eyes on him, knowing you'd love him just the same.
It wasn't until the cat's apparent disdain for him that the problems began to sprout, appearing to grow colder as he grew instead of the usual playful personality of growing cats.
His huffing and puffing from last night suddenly felt childish, thinking back to your suggestion to find someone who could help with his apprehension towards him.
Hao wonders if he may be the problem.
But right now, as he scooches to your side of the bed, where he belongs, and envelopes the both of you in his arms, he cuddles and kisses to his heart's content knowing neither of you were about to stop him.
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