#anyways no one knows me irl on here so its the only good place to rant pls ignore

[cherubispunk]

CHERUB (PART III) - Dealer!Joel Miller x AFAB!Reader

summary: the devil has a funny habit of making you want your own suffering.

a note from Lucy: Well, this is it folks. The third and final instalment of the unholy trinity that is cherub. The fic that i had no idea would get this amount of traction. The fic that gave me my username, blog theme, the majority of my mutuals and the freedom to explore more taboo areas of writing that I never felt comfortable with doing before. I just wanted to thank you all for all the kind words you’ve shared with me. Comments, reblogs, messages, they all mean the utter world. But i also want to specifically thank @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin who was such a huge help for motivation when wrting each of these. She's been there since the first day of cherub and always let me obsess over dealer!joel with her. Ange, i love you baby. Out of all my fandom experiences, this has definitely been one of the best. I know this sounds a lot like a goodbye completely, but it's not i swear! I just never really knew where this was going, but I think this is a pretty good way to end the series and I hope you agree too. Part of me isn't ready to let go after such a short run, but I honestly have no idea where to go from here so I think I did it as much justice as I could. Regardless, Cherub and Dealer!Joel will forever have a place in my heart all thanks to you lovely lot! Your love means the world to me and you are all so easy to share this with, you've given me an environment to flourish creatively and I'm eternally grateful for that. I wish you all the love, hugs, kisses, and angel wishes in the world! 

playlist 

wc: 5548 Warnings: 18+ MDNI! DARK CONTENT! Unedited for now, no outbreak, no use of y/n but joel calls the reader ‘Cherub’, plot? what plot? we all know we're here for the porn anyway, bombastic age gap (reader is in her early 20’s and Joel is in his late 50s), gore imagry, religious imagry, Smut, very dubcon in theory but both want it bad, grafic smut, P in V sex (unprotected — pleaseee don’t do tis irl i beg of you), teasing, sort of edging? (idk what to call it but he doesnt fuck you until you beg for it lol). nipple play, biting biting biting!!!!!, references to domestic violence, use of pet names, manipulative! joel, stupid stupid cherub, stockholm syndrome, oral (f receiving), cum eating, pussy slapping, Joel being foul mouthed, cursing, dirty talk, overstimulation. Again, some of the most animalistic, disgustingly wretched and vile vile vile porn I have written thus far…with so little plot that this earned me my place in hell, i have my own circle now. Big Dick Joel Miller comes as his own warning.

series m.list | m.list

The danger didn't lie in his hands. It didn't sit in his closed first to be suffocated. Choked out until the life of it was compressed. Until its face was blue, then purple and its eyes were bloodshot and streaked with red. The danger lay in your heart. And it thrived off the beating.

What is ‘it’, you ask? Mania.

The Greeks had it nailed down when they split love seven different ways. To the crucifix through its punctured and bleeding palms. All equal, but different. They understood that one love is different to the other. That love can be either obsession, or lingering in the quiet parts of a person's mind. You cannot hold up a mirror to one and deceive into believing it is another. No matter how sweet the lie seeps into the ear. They don't work that way. You were not Lucifer, you had no forked tongue. And your mania wasn't Eve. There was no apple to devour. Only the strong arm of Joel Miller to cling to like a noose.

Some love passionately. Find it in the scathing friction of flesh upon flesh. The heat two bodies make only in sex. You were no body anymore. Merely a corpse for him to dig up and breathe life into whenever he needed relief. So it was not Eros. Some love playfully. In the back and forth of a conversation that makes the mind and heart float in the clouds among the soul. Entwine them together until you are too sedated to know the difference between the three pillars of personal holy trinity. There was nothing lighthearted about Joel Miller. So there was no Ludus. Affection. The subtle, it-is-there-even-when-it-is-not weight of lovers hand in lovers hand. Joel clutched your throat with his heavy hand. He didn't lace your fingers in his like tapestry threads. And he was anything but friendly. So it could never be Philia. He was not unconditional. Familial. Constant. Committed. Long lasting. Selfless. He crept in through the backdoor and took. Then slipped back out. So the thick blood red line was drawn through Storge. Agape. Pragma. The love you had was not for yourself. Without him you hated yourself. Hated how you didn’t feel needed. Or wanted. So Philautia was buried six feet under hot earth, the final nail in the coffin that was lowered into the rotting, thick-with-decaying-mulch, stenching ground. By none other than Mania.

This was something you came to realise as you stumbled from his truck back to your room. His come dribbling down your leg. Luke asleep on the sofa. Months passed of the same thing. He’d take you home from work, only letting you go once he'd had his fill. Played out the sick fantasy from mind to matter, let it bleed through his fingers into fruition. You let it happen for mania. It was the thing inside you that kept you going. Before you thought mania fed off your heartbeat. But now you realised mania fed your heartbeat. The kick it got every second fired the next muted pulse. That's what kept it alive. Energy for energy. You were never one to bite the hand that feeds. That’s a sinner's duty.

—

The usual sight of Luke slumped in his lazy boy, guzzling beer was what you expected. The liquor once again swigged past his lips and dribbling down his stubbled chin. Wiry greying hair greasy on his head, balding. Thinning. Residue from a line on the coffee table. You were never tempted by it before. And you were determined never be a Angel dust statistic like him.

Instead, you opened the flimsy door of your trailer to see him hunched over a small collapsible table. His hand running over his sunken eyes, dragging purple eye bags down with his fingertips in shame. Cards in his other. It had your breath catching in your throat like a hare in a wire snare trap. This time around the small collapsible round table. Cards in his hand. And two other men shared a knowing glance and a grim smile of satisfaction. Him.

Joel Miller.

The tension was thicker than molasses in the room. You only wished it was as sweet. You swallowed it down thickly. It stretched your throat. You watched in morbid fascination when he lay his hand on the table in a fan for all to horror at, a sly smirk slithering over his lips and curling the one corner of it up like a scorpion's tail.

“Full house.”

“Fuck!” And Luke’s hand slapped the tabletop as he folded.

The door clicked. All three looked up to see you. Luke, Joel, and the man who held a familiar resemblance to your own personal devil. With eyes on you, you felt more like that hare in the snare than ever. Clapping eyes on the hungry wolf as mutton dripped bloody from his sneer. Cruel and hungry. You imagined him as that wolf, hyde thick and bristled under your soft fingers as he led you to some deep, dark, thorny place. A place only lit by the eyes of owls who observed while he had his way with you. Ripped your stockings to get to sweet fruit.

“Great, the cunt is home.” Luke spat to the room but you, looking over the table again as he bit his thumb nervously to the edge of the hangnail. “Get me a beer.” Your nostrils flared in defiance at his demand, knuckles pale as fingers furled into a fist. An army of goosebumps had stood to attention all along your arms and the back of your neck. A shiver shattering down your spine. Your heart had enough of its prison of your ribcage in your anger, ramming into it over and over in a frantic hammering. And when that wasn't enough, you felt it in your throat. Among the tightening of your airways. “You hear me girl?” He asked, looking at you. He stood, chair scraping against the floor and you staggered back to the point your shoulderblades hit the door. While he was a thin, wiry man, he had a vicious backhand that stung. Like a vengeful aftertaste. “Y’need me to beat some sense inta ya girl, huh?!” You dared to spare a glance at Joel who was too busy collecting his winnings. You soon to be among them.

“Sorry.” You mumbled, looking to the floor and cowering off to the kitchen to get him his beer.

“Y’short, Luke.” You heard from the doorway, straining to hear the tail end of the conversation. Something about your uncle having it by monday. And then Joel telling him he shouldn’t raise a bet he doesn't have the dough to cover.

It took a second to catch your breath. Tears strung in your eyes and your chest threatened to split in two. Your sternum felt like it was cracking down the middle into clean halves under the weight of your chest. A hand clasped over your quivering lips to bite back a horrible sob and muffle it. Only your palm could know you were crying miserably. So you took a beer from the fridge, heard the hiss as the lid gave way and popped off. It clattered to the linoleum and you bared your teeth at the grating sound, picking it up and tossing it in the bin.

“Here.” You mumbled, placing it unceremoniously on the table in front of Luke.

“Y’got any spare cash on you, girl?” Luke asked, beady eyes staring you down as he raised the bottle to his lips and took a drink. You grimaced inwardly at the sight of his yellow teeth when he made a satisfied sigh.

“No.”

Joel’s brow raised. You should know by now not to lie to a man who can read you like a book. That's the thing about narcissists. They have a way of being able to understand you like a one word sentence on paper. A quick glance and you’re unravelling with concealed meaning and connotation.

“C’mon, Cherub…gotta have something from workin’ this late in that diner of yours…” You dared to challenge Joel with a look. A look that retreated soon after the advance of the glare of his eye. The same glare of the hungry wolf. Of the cheated man. It was unkind, and unyielding, and did not hold mercy upon the souls of the enthralled, the damned, or the harrowed. You might try to cross through the sentence, or turn the page. Or shut the book entirely. But the truth is still the truth even when you chose not to look. This was the man that knew your mind. Knew your body. And coaxed his will out of you each time. His word was all it took to cave, so you took the folded bills from your apron, flicking through them with a bitten back scowl,

“How much does he owe you?” Joel smiled with amusement, counting through his winnings to see what was short.

“Ninety-eight.”

‘What?” you asked, eyes wide, hurt. Disheartened. Fingers stilling halfway through the small stack. And Joel smirked.

“You heard me, Cherub.”

“Give Joel his money.” Luke warned.

“But it’s not his money! And it’s not yours to give!” You tried, and saw the warning tick of your uncle's narrow jaw. It was always set on edge before he threw a hand. Cast a palm across your cheek in a brandishing. It had you cowering. Relenting. Tossing the money in front of him. If it fell to the floor in its flurry he could pick it up and grovel about it. But Joel never grovelled. Only relished. Then reminded Luke of the money he still owed for the drugs.

And you walked back to the kitchen, biting into your lip again. With the devil and your demon in the next room over, you were sure this could be hell. A buzz filled your ears. Like the constant thrum of flies over roadkill. In festering flesh wounds where broken white of bone poked through gaping, bleeding holes. Blood matted in the hyde of the animal helpless and scattered across the road. A leg here, smashed teeth there. You were the roadkill. Joel was at the wheel of that which mowed you down. Luke was howling in the passenger side.

His boots thumped clumsily over the linoleum and he let out a huff through his nose while he adjusted his low slung jeans in the doorway.

“Cherub?” He asked, clearing his throat huskily — a consequence of the smokes he used religiously. You stood with your back to him, palms flat to the countertop and head hung low to fight the sting of tears simmering from within.

“He threatened to hit me.” You whispered, not turning to face him. If you mattered his ears would strain to meet you halfway. “And you did nothing.”

“Come on, Cherub…don't be like that.” he sighed, and you imagined him pinching the bridge of his hooked nose.

“He took my money. You took my money. How am I gonna get out of here without it?” You croaked, your tired eyes seeing faces of gaping mouths and slate black eyes in the speckled linoleum of the counter.

No reply came from the door. And when you turned it was empty. He had left. The other man had left. The tv was on again with the scream of a woman murdered. And Luke fell asleep in his lazy boy.

—

Another day, another shift. And more horror ensued. At first, what set the nerves thrumming was there was no sign of Luke. His truck was gone from its spot. No drunk slumped on the worn leather settee. No scream or grotesque image on the TV. Merely an empty bottle on the coffee table.

You swallowed, shutting the door cautiously with a muffled click of the latch. You didn't dare call his name. Just pushed it down into your stomach for it to churn the thought up in acid. But the horror jumped back up your throat into a lurid scream at the sight of your mattress tossed to the side. The moth bitten pillowcase on the floor, void of money. Your money. Gone. Someone had rifled through your belongings. Turned your only space into a mess. Strewn clothes, bed sheets, pillows in their haste. All your work. All the nights of living off bitter coffee from the pot at work, scrounging together tips. It made you seethe. The heat was an inferno at your fingertips, nails embedding crescents into your palms. You searched all over for it. But to no avail.

When Uncle Luke came home, he smelled of hard liquor. It was a miracle – or curse – he hadn't wrapped his car around a tree. He gloated, and sneered, and shoved it down your throat in his intoxication that he’d found it under the mattress. Joel had called him, told him you planned on leaving. And he connected the dots. Ransacked your room. Oh, how the man would hate his loose lips when you gave him hellfire.

You expected Luke’s reaction. You knew if he were to ever find out he’d snatch it up in his greedy, grimy hands and take it for himself. He spent all of it. Paid his debt to Joel, gambled some on bad luck bets, drank with the rest. Slugged liquor down his throat and got drunk off your labour. And then left you on your floor with tear stained cheeks and a heart of heavy lead.

You wanted your money. But would you take from the man who gave you your everything? Your sense of being. A religion and faith. You believed in nothing more than the way he held your name between his teeth. You forgot what your real name felt like in the same place. And it occurred to you that he had never said it. Did he know it? You weren't them anymore. You were Cherub.

The sweet and mourning lamb in you wanted to go over just to be his again, and not carry out the plan of taking back what was yours. That which he would see as sin. You felt guilt claw up your throat at the thought alone. It seemed blasphemous to conspire against him. Why do you insist on protecting yourself. You who was the sacrificial lamb?

If you did go – and you let him have you again – you were whole. But at what cost? Could you stand another night of temporary hell under the guise of heaven. Of touch so cold, like ivory or black ice. To have him thumb your skin with blunt endearments and the croon of ‘cherub’ past his chapped lips. Definite like black and white. No escape. What he’d do and how. Whispering them in the stone deaf shells of your ears like they were a sculpture. Pygmalion’s Bride. He’d made you all you were today. Took chisel to marble and carved out his masterpiece. Cherub.

You were soft, and pliable. Wax heated by his flame. You kissed back. You moaned for him. Begged him for his release and not your own. Bruised with his handprint. The warmth of life under flesh. But without him…you returned to marble. Another pretty thing to be gawked at. He tempted you with it because he knew more than anyone, more than god himself who watches these exchanges, that you can't live without him. It was like telling a child not to slip off to the woods in the dead of night. That was a pointless warning. You knew what lay there anyway, what threat it would be. That wolf in his thick bristled hyde. Curled up in his den. You would see it as innocence and vulnerability if you weren't so scared. But you knew when he woke up the teeth would shine again. And they’d tear flesh. Let blood. Gnash bone. Dripping from the glaring white once he finished with your carcass. Your matter between them and your crimson lacing his gums. Who knew being eaten alive could be so pleasurable.

But then again, how could bering alone really be hell if the devil wasn't there?

There is mania in your body. But you can't get it out. It rattles in your head and lungs and glues to the backs of your gnashers. No matter how much you wish to spit it out. It infects your tongue. It welds itself to the matter of your bones. Melts into the cracks between your teeth. Claggy against your tongue. All to show the sweetest of words have the bitterest of tastes. You can feel it swell underneath your skin. In the gap between muscles where it festers and heats you up. Like fever it burns, like the fire that consumes and the pillars that hold the temple up crack, the ground shakes, and the beast rears its ugly head at you. You’re losing your body to him. It's a fight you try to win. You dare to. You give your all, tooth and nail each time in the gaps between. In the silence and hollow that nestles in the middle of the meetings. In the quiet, where no one is around but the cracked plaster of your room. You stopped caring who fired the gun first. You were always the one who got shot down in the end. Right in the stomach. Blood gurgling up your throat in a grotesque plea for help.

All these weeks you had shrunk yourself to the size of a bird in his hands, sang a sweet sweet song of his name, until the squeeze of his first closest off your throat. And the sound stopped altogether. Laid there after the warning. Patient while you had your wings clipped and your freedom taken. And he took more. Took the beating of your heart with his teeth. Took the will to want. The will to love. The will to need anything else, as well as the need to have better. Below you were the foundations. Only now you saw them for what they were, a decaying mess of fragments, the stench of wood rot hot in your nose. A musk like no other. His musk. So in your anger you took an axe to a willow to see how it would weep. You slipped past the sleeping drunk you call Uncle Luke. Out the door, over gravel, past the truck he coaxed you to without the need of a sweet treat. You’d yank the axe from the bark of the weeping willow, its sob echoing in the wind that rustled its drapery of lush green leaves. Leaves that will wilt as sap bleeds from its severed trunk. Take the axe to the wolf. Cut him. Scrotum to throat.

Take back what was yours. And leave those woods skipping.

—

Your knocks descend upon his door in quick raps until he opened it with a grumble. Then a smirk. “Evenin’, Cherub.”

No salvation. No going back. No space among the clouds. Just the fall. You pushed past him into his front room. “Where is it?’ You hissed, tossing the cushions of the couch up. Nothing there. So you left them on the floor and did the same for the airchair. Nothing there either.

“Woah, calm down, girl!’ Joel huffed, reaching for your arm, which you tugged back from him in a new found strength surging you forward, out of his arms. “Where’s what?”

“My damn money, Miller!” You bit back with venom laced spit. A hunger for revenge making you salivate like a bad dog.

“The fuck you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I'm talking about, dickhead!” And he recoiled at your bared teeth, your verbal assault and battery, but went in for his own.

“Watch your damn foul language, girl!” He warned, reaching the end of his already short tether.

“You know how much he stole from me? Three hundred dollars of my hard earned chash. Forget my fucking ticket out of this shithole, I ain’t even paying rent now! And for what? Your god awful drugs!” His nostrils flared, and you watched the vein in his neck bulge under the sweltering heat of his own anger. Coiling inside him. Wounded bitch about to bite back.

“You didn’t have much of a probelm with my drugs after I fucked that pretty little hole of yours. All dumb and needy f’me, Cherub.” You grimaced at the sneer. But the feeling made your knees buckle. The name again. Cherub. You were Cherub. His cherub. “You want ya money back, huh? You can have it.”

That made you stutter. Thoughts skidding to halt at the sight of a brick wall. Crumpled matter as it smashed into it anyway. “What?”

“I ain't giving it to you for free though.”

“You're sick! It’s my fucking money!”

“Not in the eyes of the law its not.” And he folded his great oaks of arms over his chest in satisfaction. Once again one upping you.

“The eyes of the law? Says the fucking drug dealer. I bet you got way worse than coke in duffel over there. Wonder what the law would say about that?” It was said dismissively over your shoulder as you turned to leave. Alas, once again his large hand encompassed your wrist and squeezed. Pulled you back flush to his broad chest. His breath was hot on your neck as he whispered sweetly into your ear.

“Come on now, Cherub. You wouldn't do me in like that would ya? Not when I love ya…”

The way he said it…it didn't seem real. It was false. Comforting but not real. You knew it was a lie. This wasn't love. He didnt love. If he loved you he'd ask for your number then call you. Take you out. Let you cry on his shoulder and drive you home after. Kiss you in the dark for only the walls to see. Let you stay a night or two, or a whole damn week. Give you your damn money back. Stand up to Luke with a closed fist to the face. Leave swelling and a deep bruise on his cheekbone as a first and final warning.

“You love me?” You asked, voice small and hollow in your chest.

“Yeah, Cherub. I love you too.” He cooed, as if he knew you loved him already. All this and nose running over the curve of the side of your neck, tongue trailing hot in pursuit, it had you keeling over in confession at his feet. “You’re so cute when you're angry. Come on now, lemme make those tears go away…and you can have your money back, and we can forget this ever happened.” That tone…it was patronising. It made the sense in you rattle the cage of your ribs. Claw at the bars of bone and run into them like a caged animal. Because that’s what it was. A caged animal. But your heart was holding its hand over its mouth in a trance as it let his words ebb deeper. Somewhere between desperate and divine. But what was his motive?

God, Jesus, all above that is holy, you didn't care! After all this time, it was still no secret, or hushed uttering that Joel Miller was now everywhere in you. Scraping the backs of your teeth, festering like a virus in your bloodstream. Melding to the marrow of your bones. The walls of your cunt.

He still had a devastating habit of seeping through the cracks of your closed lids. Still ready to pillage and plunder his way through your head in its numbed state of sleep. When you could have finally— finally stopped and not felt. But he ebbs deeper. Always would. Always will.

It's what got you here. It would end you if it could. Snuff out your heartbeat and the fire inside of you. All he need do was lick his fingers and press them to the wick. And leave the smoke to string out and curl. You thought you were hungry for love before. But now you realised you were just hungry for the sight of your blood on his lips. The gnashing of you between his teeth. The curl you made of his brow. If it wasn’t devastating, reaping its agony in your silly little fractured chest— you didn’t dare need, nor crave it. You came for the pleasure but you stayed for the pain. And he took again, and again.

So you let him ‘make it up to you’. Let him claw at your clothes until they were scraps on the floor. Tore your stockings. Showed you those gleaming teeth. The wolf. And you, his sacrificial lamb. His Cherub.

“Feel that?’ He asked, with the slow drag back and forth of him inside you, parting you. This wasn’t fast, or rough. This was slow. And it made you need more. Need it faster. Need him hurtling you towards the edge of harrowing oblivion. He knew that. It’s why he took his time with it this time around. “Yeah. You do.” Joel answered for you. You never had to answer. But often he made you say it from your own quivering lips. Just to have the taste of the words from your tongue bleed into his. The neverending praise. “Why would you wanna leave that Cherub?” You couldn't answer, only let out a soft sob. “Huh? Answer me, Cherub. Why’d you wanna fuckin’ leave that?” And he punctuated it with pulling out to the bulbous head of his clock, then slamming back in with one sharp thrust. And then he was still.

You whined a shallow gasp into his mouth. But he didn’t kiss you. Joel never kissed you. His teeth sinking into your bottom lip shut you right up before his tongue delved deeper into it. The thumb of the hand that slithered between your legs rolled over your clit, making you mewl over the buzz of electricity causing you to clamp down on his thick, full cock. You were so eager for more. Anything more than what he was giving you. He smirked into your mouth when he felt your hips buck forward, trying your damn hardest to push his cock deeper into you. Silly little cherub. You should know better than to defy God. “See? Felt good didn’t it?” You nodded as much as you could in your current piston.

“Mhm.”

“See what you can have if you stay. Why fight it cherub?”

“Yes, Joel.”

“You gonna listen then, Cherub?”

“Yes. Yes! I’ll listen, just-” You shuddered at the thought of it, tears brimming at the the threshold of your eye. ”Please.”

“Say it.” He waited, wanting you to beg for it in the pretty way he knew you could. The choir voice. The songbirds hymn. The whole time his eyes did nothing but stare you down hungry at the sight of you falling apart from nothing but a hand to your throat and a single his throbbing dick buried in your aching cunt. It all pooled down into your centre, creating a rush your head had trouble keeping up with. “Tell me why you wanted to leave.”

“I dunno-” You stuttered, once again rolling your hips up. His hand at your throat pressed into your skin again, harder. It choked you. It had you drawing in a sharp, meagre breath. And he pulled out, running the underside of himself through the hot, drooling seam of your cunt. You shivered when the tip brushed up to your clit momentarily. The bead of precome at his slit smearing into your sex, mixing with your slick. “I dunno, Joel. I- I just wanted my money. I just wanted out. I hate it.” You babbled through closed eyes, chest heaving with sobs, and hot tears ran thick down your flushed cheeks.

“You hate it, huh?” He mocked and crooned, still catching your clit with the tip of his cock, hips waxing and waning in a slow roll. “You hate me too?” He knew the answer. But again, it was the satisfaction of knowing you were wrapped around his finger. Ready to bend over backwards for him. Him seeping into you through the cracks of your ribs, the gaps between your teeth. The opening of yourself to the twisting knot of denial within you. Your back arched like the lofty roof of a chapel, legs parting like its heavy doors. He followed you with hunger. You opened your mouth to speak but he squeezed momentarily on your throat again, oxygen starvation and the smell of him dizzying you. He relished in the whimper that he garnered from you. That and how he left you breathless just from his cruel touch.

“No.” You garbled as his thumb unhinged your jaw. Saliva in your mouth pooling while his thumb pressed your tongue down, bitter with a smokers telltale tobacco staining. It slipped past your lips, dribbled down his digits making a sticky mess at the curve of his thick wrist. He drew up a glob of saliva in his throat, watching as it drooled thickly, gluttonously, past his lips into your waiting mouth. He watched as you gagged on it, and then he let your jaw go so you could close your mouth. You swallowed eagerly, savouring the taste on your tongue. For what did it matter anymore? One day, you’ll be nothing but dust. Bronchioles in lungs will mimic roots. Navels will copy trunks. Organs will feed worms. Ribs will fossilise and lips that are kissed will mould back to Mother Nature. It's all you have ever been. Quick. Convenient. Easy to please, eager to help. Waiting lips, wanting cunt. Warm, never warm enough. But he kept you like a butterfly in a glass jar. He let you see freedom but never experience it. Why need it when you had the stretch of him inside you. The feeling of him, heat to heat with your sex.

“You want this, cherub? Wanna be stuffed full of me again?”

“Always wanted it, Joel.” You mumbled into his mouth, sniffing back the last this spurt of tears, hypnotised. His hand wrapped around his cock, the large splay of his palm did nothing to dwarf its size with he jacked himself once, twice, three times to the sight of you. He squeezed the base with hiss, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth after cursing under his bated breath. He was thick, flushed, the tip swollen and leaking, drooling greedily with a rivulet of precum down the underside of his length. He trod a path with his hands down to your breasts, kneading each one between his palms with a pinch before guiding himself back into the mouth of your heat, your cunt swallowing him down to the base. The needy roll of your hips into his showed just how desperate you were. He groaned at the start of the friction between you, and slowly dragged back out of you, moving just as slowly back inside. He repeated this twice, and then he let loose. The motion turned into a needy clash of his hips to yours. Again. Again. Again. Somewhere along the sting of passion and heat, his hand wrapped around your throat, feeling the flex of it as you swallowed under his palm. He bit down into your neck, reaching out from you as his hips slammed erratically. His heavy balls slapping against your ass with each rut forward of his unrelenting. The way he fucked you, was like holding a knife to your throat. It grounded you in the most harrowing way to each of his breaths. His panting in your ear. It swallowed you whole. Mad your legs wrap around his waist and your hips keen up into him.

Your cunt drooled down his shaft, down to the base, down the sensitive skin of his cock. He growled and hissed in your ear, teeth closing around your earlobe, his hand dragging back up and grip tightening around your neck. Getting off on the feeling of your pulse under his thumb.

You felt the knot tighten. And tighten. Right in the pit of your stomach, deep in your sopping wet cunt where the mouth of your cervix met his fucking. The walls of your cunt sucking him back in as the angle of his hips snapped up into the spot that had you seeing entire constellations. They darted to and fro across your vision. It blurred the edge, spots of dark matter, deep black, the colour of oblivion slinging over the back of your eyes that now burned with tears of pleasure. His fingers dug deeper into malleable flesh, gripped tightly at your hip with his free hand, thumb brushing over your hip bone down your mound to toy with your clit after a slap to it. And it was the action that sent you spiralling, babbling his name nonsensically among a string of curse words. So pretty and fucked out beneath him. Joel couldn’t help but stare smugly as your eyes rolled back into your head when your orgasm hit like a freight train. He came undone soon after, his climax hitting a crescendo with a growl bitten into your shoulder, bruising and brandishing you with his mark again.

He pulled back, leaving you to the mercy of the cold. Watching was his hips moved again to fuck his release back into you. Your hole quivered in protest, and you squirmed under him. “Don’t be fucking ungreatful now, Cherub.” You relented, going still and boneless on the mattress. Limbs unfurling from their tension. “That's it. Take it. Take it all.” He groaned smoothly. Just like the roll of his hips. He fucked it slowly back into you. And you took his release inside you to keep. “Good girl, Cherub.” He whispered, kissing your lips in a tender dichotomy. Not letting you rest until he was satisfied you took every drop of him. Afterall, it was all you’d have left of him until he next chose to pick you up. All the while, he trailed his tongue back down to your breasts, pressing the flat of it to your nipple, drawing it with a sharp suck into his mouth. Pressing the blunt of his teeth into your flesh. Letting the taste melt on his tongue. Salty with your sweat. He did the same to the others. When he went soft inside of you, and his hips stilled. He slipped out of you with hitched breath, the pad of his fingertips tracing your abused, used sex. Your legs twitching when he rolled your clit under two fingers. “I said stop squirming.” He grunted, landing another slap to your pussy. It made an obscene wet sound. His come dribbling out slowly.

“Open your mouth.” Joel commanded, and you did. Waiting for whatever he had planned. He licked a hot strip from your asshole to your cunt, pressing his tongue in to drag out some of his release. And he climbed back up to spit it into your mouth. A hand clamping down on your jaw. “Don’t swallow. Close your mouth.” And you did with the side of his thumb clamping it shut for you. “Taste that?” You nodded in response. It was hot, heavy and thick and salty to taste. Divine. “Show me.” You opened again, his creamy spend diluted amongst your saliva and he smirked. Clamping your jaw shut again. “Swallow.”

Joel watched in open mouthed amusement as the delicate column of your throat rippled under muscle contract. “Good girl, Cherub. Remember that taste next time y’feel like leaving again.” He warned in a growl. And you nodded, swallowing your pride. Your fear. Your mania aiding in shoving it down your throat to dissolve in acid. Once again you were in those deep dark woods. The one where the wolf lay. Remnants of you in his teeth. The willow is still weeping, slashed in half. The axe free of his bloodshed by the entrance of his den. The owls' eyes still lit the scene of sin where overhead the starlight was snuffed out by the tangle of branches thick in their black greenery.

You never got your money back. Maybe one day you'd get out of this town. But the devil has a funny habit of making you want your own suffering. Even angels can’t resist a slice of that heaven. Fallen angel. Wounded bitch. Cherub.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #joel miller x #the last of us #the last of us fic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #tlou hbo #the last of us hbo #joel tlou #lu’s little bookshelf #joel the last of us #tlou #tlou fanfiction #pedro pascal #dealer!joel #joel x reader #tlou fic #the last of us fanfiction #joel x reader smut #joel miller tlou

[weirdmageddon]

ur davejade posting has me Remembering and goddddd. theyre so good. thank u

i want to make a davejade analysis masterpost but the funniest thing with these asks is that theyre the ones that really prompt me to put my thoughts together in some direction and i ALWAYS find a new implication or connection to talk about. like while i’m writing the connections will just make themselves known. if i made a masterpost i’d have to update it every time i think of something new which defeats the purpose of a masterpost because it’d never be finished. so i just like to spitball into separate posts and just shove them in my davejade tag. i was NOT expecting to get back into homestuck with davejade at the forefront but i can see things now i didnt then

im gonna go off again because it’s so obvious to me on this jumpy scrambled “reread” that dave has a fat fucking heart-on / affection erection for jade. hes tryin soo hard to be cool but hes like this with jade actually behind the screen and she knows it

words and deeds of a court jester dude who totally has a crush on his childhood internet friend and doesnt acknowledge it (btw this is woefully incomplete for the sake of brevity but i could elaborate in another post. i actually have a draft (edit: posted) with a shit ton of more analysis stuff in it on why he acts differently with her than other characters):

the next day (chronologically) when jade messages him:

hussie commentary: “Dave's one-pixel-smile there means that there are literally more than ten thousand drawings on the internet of Dave and Jade kissing. That pixel literally made that happen.”

i mean … it sure is easy to assume how he feels about jade based on the way he talks to her and when his sprite only ever smiles one other time in the entire fucking comic and the reality of that other one was arguable since it was during [S] Karkat: Mental breakdown and its likely karkat was hallucinating it based on the content and context of the flash

nah this one was real. and it was from the first conversation we saw between dave and jade in the comic and thus set the standard for their dynamic. and remember old school 2009 dave was kind of a menace so it says a lot

this girl was special enough to him to warrant that pixel

jade calling dave a “huge baby” for him getting nervous about a piss while she’s his server player. he makes such a big deal about it while shes like oh my god just go:

and the absurdity of the situation being one of his favorite memories

i know pesterquest isn’t “canon” canon but it passes my character essence check and still contributes something of substance to my argument. like i can say this is not at all out of place if these characters were plopped into these scenarios. remember this takes place on the same day as the above, 4/13/2009. theyre the same age as above and have the same relationship as they did above, just in a different scenario that wasn’t possible in canon wherein they didn’t play sburb

Jade wanders away from that window and toward another one, whose view is exclusively centered on the rolling blue. She presses a hand against the misty pane and sighs. JADE: you know, dave talks a lot about coming to visit me here. i mean, all of my friends do but dave especially JADE: in his usual davey way of course, which means making lots of jokes and not sounding very serious about it JADE: "yeah im itching to put on my safari hat and come traipsing down to doomdeath archipelago to get my ass murdered by infinidog the eldritch retriever," stuff like that JADE: i know he really means it though! he wants to see me, just like i want to see him JADE: but its just wishful thinking

anyway daves reaction to seeing his isolated online friend for the first time irl cry because she has guests. its even better with the character sprites

JADE: we can play with all my toys and jam out to some music and stay up all night chatting with each other and oh my god oh my god youre here youre all here this is really happening!!!!! Jade's next laugh verges on hysterical and she's got tears streaked down her cheeks. Dave looks a little perturbed. DAVE: wow holy shit uh DAVE: its cool jade no need to get so DAVE: like this DAVE: kind of fucks me up seeing you cry DAVE: not that im trying to make this all about me DAVE: i mean uh

and so after mspa reader’s intervention, who do we see with jade the next time we see her?

dave. and hes goofing with her squiddles while grinning

DAVE: okay so lets see what we got here Jade's room is bright and cheery, fresh flowers in the hanging pots, curtains pulled open wide to let in the afternoon sunlight. Jade sits on her bed while Dave paces in front of a line of squiddle toys, carefully assembled in neat ranks. DAVE: this blue one is clearly in charge look at his dominant posture DAVE: also hes the only motherfucker not tentacle deep in his homie DAVE: hes an untangled buddy that is some shit really cuts to the core of like DAVE: DAVE: emotions JADE: its actually because the magnets in him are messed up, and always have been!! DAVE: harley you are ruining the magic come on

basically what im putting together is that dave was REALLY fixin to spend some time with jade. extending into her sphere of interests that he doesnt express much with anyone else; you can tell he really wanted to engage with her in a less irony poisoned way. he’s softer with her than his other friends and god forbid the trolls, he is much less skeptical about things when talking to her (he even questions why he just seems to go along with her eccentric precognitive statements but he doesnt change his attitude about it), he showers her with his music and raps to the point where jade is expectant of getting poetry from him. rap IS poetry. please realize that dave is sending her his poetry, regardless of how goofy it may be. this is the level on which im viewing this at and once you realize this theres no going back. there comes a time in every homestuck’s life where they have to see how dave interacted jade and conclude that he had a cute little puppy crush on her unbeknownst to either of them. and it was adorable. and now, in the year 2023, it’s your time to realize this too. no going back.

and btw it all came back around…………………nimblest son of a bitch who had the gumption to glue a nasty pair of latex cat lips to his face

for a reason that wasnt a joke anymore

don’t think ive seen anyone talk about this parallel at the end to one of their first conversations in the comic. maybe somebody did back in the day but i never saw it

#davejade #homestuck #dave strider #jade harley #hs

[mendessi]

speak now | part three

pairing: fem!reader x joel miller

summary: joel saves you from the biggest mistake of your life

word count: 2.3K

warnings: smut probably, pre-outbreak, mentions of marriage, based off speak now by taylor swift, mentions of domestic abuse, joel is 26 & reader is 21, mentions of cheating, kind of slow burn, brief mention of death, angst, will add more as i think of them, not proofread

this chapter: unprotected piv (this is the 90s, please wrap it up irl), fingering (f receiving), v soft v tender sex, soft joel, biting, praise, "good girl"

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five

minors dni

Joel had been staying at your place for the past few days because your fiance had gone out of town on his bachelor trip. You liked the idea of having your own bachelorette trip but one problem stood: you had no friends and really no family either. The last week of freedom would be spent doing nothing in El Paso. Luckily there was no need for you to call out anyways because you had a minimal amount of shifts leading up to your wedding day and then were off two weeks after for your honeymoon.

Over the last week you had managed to see your fiance a minimal amount of times due to his busy work schedule before his trip and your pretending to work at the bar while you spent time with Joel.

The two of you were sat on the hood of his truck watching as the sun went down behind the lake, leaving a beautiful orange pink and purple sky behind.

"I don't want you to leave." You said to Joel pulling your knees to your chest as you bit into the peanut butter and jelly you packed.

"I don't want you to get married." Joel replied. His tone was cold out of nowhere and you didn't know where the sudden hostility came from.

"I'm not getting married." You said to him after a brief silence. "I'm calling off the engagement once he gets back and he might just kill me for it but that might be better than a lifetime with him."

"You are?" He asked, glancing at over at you. Maybe this was the moment he should ask you if you'd move to Austin with him. He loved you after all and if you weren't going to marry your idiot fiance, then maybe you'd marry him.

"I have you to thank." You rested your cheek against your knee as you looked over at him. God, he looked simply mesmerizing with the way the sky shed its light on his skin. "I don't know what's gonna happen after but... you made me realize I deserve more."

"You deserve to be taken care of. And I don't have a lot of money by any means, but I'd take care of you. Always." Joel cupped your cheek, brushing his thumb against your skin.

You believed every word he said, but you also believed that when he left on Saturday it would be the last time you ever saw him. You'd call off the engagement and still be stuck in El Paso while he went home to his daughter in Austin. In the meantime while he was here, you'd soak up in his company and enjoy it while it could.

It broke your heart to think that later in life you'd think back to this short time in your life and he'd just be remembered as the summer love that saved you before you parted ways. He was such a small part but you'd remember him forever. He'd go on and find someone to be a mother to Sarah, maybe even get married himself and maybe you'd do the same, but nobody would compare to what Joel showed you and taught you about yourself in the three weeks you've known him.

The tales of your grandparents and all their friends getting married after only knowing each other for a few days used to seem so bizzare to you, "it was a different time" they'd say, but how quickly you had fallen in love with Joel had proven their stories true that when you know, you know. With Joel, you knew.

The two of you were in the bed of the truck now that the sun had completely set and staring up at the stars. This little routine that you two had created reminded you of one that you had seen in a movie. Two kids meeting on their family vacations and falling into a summer romance, just for them to part ways at the end. Every second with Joel Miller felt like that of a movie.

"Do you see those five stars right there?" Joel asked and you hummed in response. "And then those two kind of next to it? That's The Big Dipper."

You sat up almost instantly, looking down at him, tears brimming your eyes. "What?"

"And if you look a little bit further down, you'll see The Little Dipper." He pulled you back down into his side, a smile on his face as he pointed towards the sky. "Over that way is Andromeda."

"Where did you learn that?" You stared into the sky, piecing together the constellations that he pointed out. The first time the two of lay in the bed of this truck, you couldn't even point out the North Star.

"I looked in a book, like you said." He rubbed your arm but you sat up enough to rest your body weight on your elbow to look down at him.

"That's really sweet, Joel." You didn't bother hiding the smile as you rested your hand against his cheek. Nobody had ever done something so thoughtful for you, let alone study the constellations so he could show you like your dad used to. Your heart was fluttering nonstop as a million emotions swarmed you at once.

"Do I get brownie points?" He asked, cheekily. Oh, Joel, you get more than brownie points.

"I love you." You blurted it out. You didn't mean to, but you didn't care that the words had accidentally slipped out of your mouth. Joel's heart literally skipped a beat when he heard the words leave your lips and he had never felt happier in any moment in his life other than when Sarah was born of course.

"I love you too, baby." Joel smiled and a weight lifted off your chest at the returned sentiment and you leaned down to kiss him, smiling against his lips.

The kiss deepened almost instantly as his hands trailed up and down your side, threatening to go further but he wouldn't unless you asked. He never would push any boundaries unless you asked.

You wrapped your hand around his as he kissed a line from your chin up your jawline, biting at your skin playfully. You moved his hand slowly down from your torso to the hem of your bathing suit bottoms. His breath nearly caught in his throat as he continued kissing you, sliding his hand underneath the fabric. This was one thing he was good at and he hoped that he'd get the chance to pleasure you just once before he left.

"It's okay." You whispered against his lips. You spread your legs for him and he slid his finger between your lips, gathering your slick to your clit, rubbing circles into the sensitive bud slowly. Your lips parted, breathing heavily into his mouth, your hand still wrapped around his wrist.

His lips trailed kisses along the exposed skin of your neck, biting gently every once in a while and eventually choosing a spot to suck on tenderly, leaving a hickey in its wake. He slid two fingers into your heat, slowly thrusting them to give you time to adjust. Your grip on his wrist tightened and your hips bucked forward causing his fingers to move deeper, emitting a moan from your lips.

"Fuck," You said as your back arched off the truck bed.

"Is that good, baby?" He asked you, biting at your collarbone. He smirked against your skin as your only response was another soft moan, so he began thrusting his fingers faster, using his thumb to continue rubbing your clit.

"Fuck," You repeated, this time forced through a moan, letting go of his wrist to tangle your fingers into his hair. "Fuck."

"You're so fuckin pretty under me, baby." Joel's cock pressed against your thigh as he continued pumping his fingers in and out of you, and nothing mattered more to him in the moment. You looked fucking gorgeous, pressed against him as his fingers stretched you out, the most beautiful sounding moans all for him, all because of him.

"Joel, please. Please, I'm close." Your legs were slightly shaking as he picked up the pace of his skillful fingers, in and out of you making sure to simultaneously stimulating your clit. It was too much, your orgasm coming over you like you had never experienced.

"Good, baby. Good job. Look at you, so fuckin beautiful." He said into your ear as you shook under his touch, moaning his name over and over, cumming around his thick fingers. He pulled his fingers from your pussy and brought them to his lips, sucking your cum off of them.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to yours, the taste of yourself very much present but there was something so fucking sexy about it. "I want you, Joel. All of you. Please."

"Whatever you want, sweet girl. Of course." He nodded and sat up on his knees, tugging your bathing suit bottoms down. He was tempted to remove his shirt from your body, but the idea of fucking you while wearing it made his cock twitch. You looked stunning laying there, spread open for him. He pulled his own bathing suit bottoms down, revealing his cock that you were almost sure wouldn't fit inside you.

"Promise me." You said as he leaned back down, lining himself up with your entrance. "You love me."

"On my life." He said, looking into your eyes. "I swear it. I love you."

He grabbed your hand and took your ring finger into his mouth by surprise. It took a moment for you to realize that he was pulling your engagement ring off your finger with his teeth. He took it from in between his teeth and set it somewhere beside you.

"I'll buy you a better one." He said to you.

You rested your hands on his cheeks as he slowly slid into you, a whimper leaving your lips as you pulled his face towards yours to kiss him. He paused for a moment once he was fully inside to let you adjust.

"I'm good. Move." You reassured him.

He nodded, burying his head in your neck as he whispered sweet nothings, thrusting in and out of you at a steady pace. "I love you." "I'll take care of you." "So fucking beautiful." "Mine."

Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, your hands traveling to his back, nails digging into his shoulder blades as you moaned loudly into the darkness.

"Fuck, Joel." He loved nothing more than hearing his name followed by whimpers and moans, surrounded by the sound of his hips hitting yours.

"Fucking angel." He said before he kissed you, moaning against your lips his thrusts getting faster and faster. Despite it all, it somehow remained tender and full of love, this wasn't just sex to either of you.

He rolled his hips into yours, your legs starting to shake again as he hit your g-spot with each thrust, you clenching around him each time. "You feel so fuckin good."

"Where do you want me?" He asked through heavy breaths and you guessed that meant he was close.

"Inside, I don't care. Wherever you want." You replied, gripping onto his arms. "I'm gonna- fuck." Tears brimmed your eyes at the sheer pleasure radiating through your body as he bit into your shoulder again. Your eyes squeezed shut from the pain of the bite but you loved it. His thrusts staggered and he shuddered, moaning into your ear as his cum filled inside you. You loved the feeling of it. You never let your fiance do it, but you'd lt Joel do anything to you.

"I'm almost there." You said under your breath. "Harder. Please. Please."

Joel's thrusts staggered but he thrusted into you harder just as you asked, deeper as you asked and faster just like you asked. He loved it, the sound of your whimpers echoing around the lake. The idea of him being the one to have you shaking like this, whimpering like this under him, brought him more pleasure than anything. Your bodies so close together, so intimate.

The pleasure clouded your senses and he could tell by your breathing and scattered moans told him you were seconds for coming so he got in two or three more good thrusts and you fell apart under him. You barely could hold your legs open under him with how bad they were shaking.

"Cum for me, baby." He said into your ear and you did as told, coming around his cock as his thrusts slowed. "Good girl. Good fuckin girl." He said through a shaky breath.

Your legs continued shaking as he pulled out and lay next to you, pulling you into his chest. He rested his hand on your thigh, squeezing it gently, giving you a teasing smile as your legs finally stilled.

"Are we insane?" You asked as he pulled you into his chest, tugging the blanket tighter around you. "I'm still technically in a relationship."

"Come with me to Austin." Joel said.

"So the answer is yes, we are insane." Your laugh filled the air and even though he loved the sound, he was being serious.

"I'm being serious. Come with me to Austin. Run away with me."

"Joel, that's not funny." You sat up and looked down at him resting your hand on his chest.

"I'm not bein funny. Come with me. Please. I don't want to leave you here. I want to be with you." Joel said and he sat up to match your level so that maybe you'd understand how truthful he was being in his request.

How crazy would it be for you to uproot your entire life and move to a different city with a man you just met to live with him and his daughter. Your dad wanted you to be taken care of when he passed away and Joel was offering that. Joel would take care of you emotionally. He didn't have all the money in the world but that didn't matter. You'd be a team, you would both bring in income and take care of each other. Joel would take care of you, actually take care of you in a way that your current fiance would never take care of you. Joel wouldn't even think about laying a finger on you, something that occurred far too often in your current relationship. But it didn't matter. Once he got back into town you were calling off the engagement and you were going to run away to Austin with Joel.

"Okay."

PREV | NEXT

let me be clear i hate writing smut its why i dont do it that often bc quite frankly its just not my strongsuit lmao.

#joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #tlou #the last of us #pedro pascal #tlou hbo #joel miller x fem!reader

[yoonjinsgirl]

Heyaaaa guys!!! I'm here with part-5 to my series.

checkout series previous chapters: 1💌 2💌 3💌 & 4💌 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongi x fem!Reader

Summary: you wake up one day only to realize it's 2026 already & to your biggest shock you are not in your bedroom, not in your house! You try to wake yourself up from the dream! But is it really a dream or the truth of your life?

Genre: idol au, mirror world au, fluff, suggestive.

Taglist: Open

Updates: after every 4 days.

Warnings: An au concept, not something that could make sense irl, it could be dangerously delulu. please note all my writings are fictional and has nothing irl to do with any idol/person.

A/N: this fic also feature hobi and his girl "I'm naming hobi's girl as my hobii biased bestie*. We obviously do have bangtan featuring and also a cameo of jihoon aka woozi 💜

Request are open & also highly welcomed and appreciated! Check my work until now: Masterlist💌 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡^·ᴗ·^♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've imagined this all night and every day!💕

Part - 5

Everything was fine until one evening you receive woozi's call and you feel your whole world falling apart by just looking at the screen buzzing, but it wasn't like you had any choice other than receiving the call, and so you anyways receive the call.

"Hello y/nsii I've a great news for you, you can finally go back to your world! Thank you so much for cooperating with our situation, I'm so sorry for the trouble you had to go through because of our team!", Woozi said happily as he was happy for keeping his promise. But you weren't really happy with the news you just got! A whole minute went away in silence that's when woozi again speaks, "Hello! HELLO Y/NSII! are you on line?"

"Ye Ye sorry woozi i wasn't really expecting you to call this soon, I'm just trying to process your words" you tell him not really knowing how you are supposed to feel.

"Ahhh ne ne i can understand your point you must be so happy to return! And guess what you're going tonight itself isn't it great! So as i had told you as soon you both will teleport to your own world everything will return back to its original form! And no one would be able to remember you or any memories related to you! So get tension free nothing will go wrong, once you return to your original places" woozi said explaining you. But were you even ready to leave this world! Were you ever ready to leave yoongi? It was all your fault you think you were never allowed to fall in love with yoongi from this world or your own world, your love was forbidden.

You feel your eyes filling up with tears but you continue the conversation, "and what about me? Will i be able to remember anything?" You asked woozi. "No y/nsii that seems almost impossible and totally rare, only in 0.1% of cases people can remember so i don't think you will remember anything so relax, also just like you were teleported here while you were asleep the same you will return your own world so don't worry you'll have to do nothing!" You think how weird this is that you want to remember your time here, for what though only to feel deeply pained remembering how you could never be his! How you could never become yoongi's girl, his love! But afterall it was for your own good if you don't remember anything because your life without him being actually around you will genuinely make it hard for you to live! Everything will be hard without having yoongi next to you!

"Ahh really! Th..thank you woozisii! You really helped me alot! And it was nice knowing you!!!" You tell him genuinely because no matter what, he was nothing but the kindest to you, and as he had promised he is here calling you to inform you about your safe returning. The pain and hurt you were feeling was all by your own cause and he definitely doesn't needs to know how you feel for yoongi because that would just add guilt to him.

Suddenly you feel another guilt tripping down on you as you think about your bestfriend being with hobi, you think how selfish you can get, that you didn't even gave a thought what about her? What about their relationship? You didn't wanted their relations to wreck because of something stupid going on!

"And one last thing that i wanted to ask you woozisii, what about my bestfriend will her relationship with hobii too will get affected? Do you know anything about her?", you ask him hoping atleast her happiness won't get affected.

"No no don't worry, I've come to know hoseok hyung was already seeing someone and turns out it was your friend! So don't worry their relationship won't be affected", woozi replied.

"Ahhhh thank god i would seriously never forgive myself if anything would have gone wrong with them because of me!Again thank you so-so much for everything! For always being patient and answering all my problems!" You say as you were really grateful for him being so patient with you, as you always bombarded him with so many questions but he was very patient and gentle with you. You lowkey smiled thinking he indeed was one of your favorite artists from one of the groups that you respected and you were lucky to have interaction with him, no matter if he was from another world, still you were very thankful.

"Aishhh aniyaa that's not a big deal, afterall i was somewhere responsible for you landing into this trouble! So I'm really glad to hear that i could help you with whatever you asked! Also y/nsii i know you like hyung so I'm really sorry! I know whatever is happening is cruel but please take care, i truly wish you the best and wish for your happiness!".

At this point you felt your tears rolling down free as you heard him saying how he knew you were caught up in feelings but you still decided to play it cool. "Thank you for always looking up for me woozi, also I'm fine so don't worry! Also i wish the same for you and for BTS here, I truly wish happiness and well-being for you all.

"You are really brave y/n, fighting, take care" you chuckle at his statement for calling you brave which you certainly were not but he didn't needed to know, "Fighting Woozisii! FIGHTING BTS!", and the call ends.

As soon as the phone ends your mind goes blank as you fall down tearing up, you certainly weren't expecting all this to happen this early! You thanked god that yoongi wasn't home to see you in such a state. You somewhere hated yourself for literally being selfish because surely this was the stupid realm thing and not yoongi's actual feelings for you! So you yourself were the reason for your hurting, you should've kept, hold on emotions! On your mind and heart.

Tears continuously streaming down your eyes as you remember all the times you spend with yoongi, the hugs and the kisses you shared with him, all the beautiful moments you shared with bangtan. Why did this all had to end? But you were being unreasonable you thought, while wiping your own tears as you looked at the clock and realizing yoongi must be home in few hours now, and he doesn't deserves to see you like this, you didn't wanted your last day with him to be a crying mess and what reason you'll give him afterall if he sees you in this state? So, You get up getting hold on your emotions and got freshen up and set up the bathtub for him to take shower after he comes home and arranged his clothes for him.

All these days it became your habit to look for him as he would look for you. You had made your mind no matter what you won't spoil the few hours you've left with him and will do nothing to spoil his mood. As you were thinking door bell suddenly rings and you know who it could be so you run towards the door opening it to meet an exhausted looking yoongi.

As soon as his eyes meets with yours he instantly pulled you in for a hug, snuggling his face into your neck as he wraps his hands around your sides, your heart beating loud as he snuggles more into you leaving no space between you two, you feel butterflies everytime you are close to him, meanwhile his scent calming you down.

"i missed you y/n"

"huhh"

"i said i missed you kitten" he speaks again as he breaks the hug and lifting you in his arms. "I missed you too! I love you so muchhh!" you reply him, wrapping your hands around his neck, not protesting anymore as he lifts you, because this is the last time you will experience this feeling of being loved and pampered by yoongi.

"You know y/n i love my work..my music so much, and i still do, i always will but today i felt like i was missing out something inside me and i knew it was you, so i couldn't help but complete my work quickly so i could come back home to you!" He said as he brought you to the bedroom gently placing you on the bed and kneeling down at your level and holding your hands as he continued, "you know y/n i never felt like this before, home was never like this, before it was a place to rest and have me time, now it's not a mere place it's my comfort zone! My safe zone! My love zone! Where i know my love lives, always waiting for me! Thank you so much for coming into my life bby! I promise you will never regret being with me, I'll always treat you like my queen kitten" he said as he kissed your knuckles, looking into your eyes, you feel yourself almost tearing up with all the love you were feeling, there was no doubt yoongi always made sure you felt loved, you always got his attention, his affection and his care, not a single moment where he made you uncomfortable with anything, always making you laugh and smile. He was someone with whom even sitting in silence felt comfortable.

You too knell down holding his hands as you leaned in holding his t-shirt's collar and pulling him close to kiss him as he responded back immediately smiling against your lips, pulling you close to him by holding his hands around your waist to deepen the kiss. Both only pulling out as none of you breathe anymore.

"Yoon"

"Hmnn"

"I think you should get freshen up, you must be tired"

"I'm never tired for you love"

You immediately give a quick kiss on his cheek, "i know but you do need to relax yourself yoongles, I've already set up bathtub for you to get freshen up"

He placed a kiss on your cheeks as he said, "Aren't you a perfect wife material, I just know i want to get married with you y/n! I don't want to stay away from you anymore!"

"Yoongi i..i..I'm all yours!" You say as you tear up, as he slides a beautiful ring that he has always been wearing in one of his fingers. As you cry your heart out hugging him like koala at this point, this had to be your worst dream because why were you supposed to return today itself? Why was this all happening to you! Why did you had to go through all this pain of leaving him? why was god giving you this moment to just take away your everything, you felt so guilty for ruining everything, you almost felt like betraying yoongi but what could you do anyways!!??!!

"Yoons i love you so much! I wonder what did i ever do to deserve you.. your love! i wouldn't even hesitate to get married to you right away! If.." before you could say anything any further yoongi put his fingers on your lips as he says,"Shushhhh say nothing my love! I know you are overwhelmed by my sudden confession yet I'm so happy to have you with me! To have this moment with you right now, to have you in my arms right now!". As he held you and made you sit on the bed again sitting next to you, whipping your tears, as he continued, "y/niee don't cry my love! I know i always say people should cry out whenever they feel like crying but don't cry love, I'm going no-where! I wanted to assure you that this isn't your dream anymore it's our reality! Not hurrying up, we while get married soon but at our own pace! So don't overwork your emotions or feel pressured hmnn". You nodded in response as he again gave you a quick peck, "bby relax and take a quick nap as i take shower, you know taking nap can solve 99% of our problems" you laughed slightly at his cuteness,

"Yooniee you're surely the most adorablest encyclopedia of useless knowledge which i love so muchhh",

"yahhh y/niee I'm offended by that" he said pouting slightly making you laugh even more "aigooooo yoonieee! Now go and get freshen up" you push him playfully as he laughs too and goes in.

As you look towards the silver band he just made you wear, you wonder what does destiny even want to happen with you and why is destiny playing cheap games with you! And from like billions of people around, why is yoongi getting caught up in this sh!t he doesn't deserves to get played, man is literally the softest soul you've ever came across. This has to be the worst thing happening to you both because none of you deserve this all, for minutes you feel you should tell him the truth and break the spell but then you think what if actually his life is put into danger, that would be even worse, Fuck my life you think as you heat the food you had prepared for him and set the dishes on dinning table. Soon yoongi joins you and helps you to serve for both of you and you eat your dinner and clean the dishes together. Surely yoongi's way of showing his love included so many things and surprisingly lots of clinging all in good way but it was alot about his act of service.

In no time it was time for you both to sleep, no matter how hard you tried to act cool to yourself, acting as if you were strong enough but deep down you were not prepared for whatever was coming next! Definitely not prepared to leave yoongi! Not prepared to open your eyes to a world where you wouldn't woke up next to him! Your thoughts were interrupted as yoongi laid next to you, holding your hand and kissing your hand where he had placed his silver band on your fingers! You felt so much love at the moment and wished the time to stay still and to stop at the moment, in no way you were ready to leave him but you also didn't wanted to cause any trouble creating any harm to him! Not wanting to face anything you quickly hide yourself into his arms hugging him tight then ever and snuggling close to him. And yoongi holding you tightly as you feel safe and secure in his arms as he pampered you to sleep, no matter how hard you tried not to fall asleep thinking maybe that could save you from not returning back, but after your various attempts you soon fall asleep feeling comforted by yoongi's warm hug and his relaxing scent.

The next day you know you wake up with your head heavy, eyes hurting as if you had cried yourself to sleep, but as your eyes fall to the clock hanging on your bedroom's wall you realize you've overslept and now you're late for your work, so you quickly hurry to get shower as you feel a little bit dizzy as you get a quick vision of yoongi carrying you to bathroom as you shyly blush, jerking your thoughts away thinking what kind of delusional person you are literally to visualize the literal impossible and daydreaming about your bias literally when you were late to work.

You hurry up with your morning routine and somehow manage to reach your work by just time. You keep feeling dizzy throughout your day and you keep shrugging it off as you think it must be just your usual bp fluctuation or your irregular sleep. What amazes you is how you could not stop thinking about your bias the whole day! Not like it's anything new but you were being too much! You knew you missed him as he was inactive on his sns accounts after his world tour had ended and his enlistment notice was made public, so you understood how he must be spending his time resting and enjoying his time with his family, friends and his members who were more likely his brother's but his absence made you really anxious. But you lowkey kept reassuring yourself that everything was going to be okay!

Everything was going just fine and normal until somebody at your work pointed at the ring you were wearing, but last time you remembered you kept looking for a ring similar to the one you were wearing right now but you couldn't really find one! It was exactly similar to the one your bias, your crush, your most favorite person on the planet, your only desired man 'Min Yoongi'! It was him who was wearing this one time in one of his photos and you had absolutely fallen in love with it and since then you always wanted to buy yourself a ring similar to it but you couldn't find any! So what and how is the ring in your finger now? No matter how hard you'd try you couldn't remember buying it. So how the heck were you wearing one! Looking at your facial expression your colleague immediately changed the topic saying maybe you should pack up and leave for home as it was almost 6.pm, thinking you were just stressed too much to work that you needed rest! And nodded in agreement and soon wrapp up all your work as you leave your workplace still thinking about the ring.

So as soon you reached home, you immediately rushed into your bedroom looked for anything that could tell you how you got this ring. Your mom came looking for you only to see you rumbling around your room so you told her everything and your mom assured you maybe you had bought it but you must have forgotten and maybe you should just rest, taking nap after all you know can solve 99% of our problems. Listening to your mom speak you felt dizzy again, for some reason you could literally hear yoongi saying something similar in your head. You hit your head lightly thinking what the fuck is wrong with you today as you walk towards your bathroom to get freshen up.

Little did you know this wasn't just your mind playing games with you or your delusional mind day dreaming too much but it was just your mind playing your some of your foggy memories that you had unfortunately almost forgotten, most likely the memories that were lost.

To be continued...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡^·ᴗ·^♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope guys enjoyed reading this one! I do know we all are here for yoongi and this one definitely had a lot of readers pov, if you want you can skip it ig! I hope you all will look forward to upcoming parts! So stay tuned!

Also guys I'm really sorry!🥲 I know it takes me little too long to post but trust me my laptop is in repair for few days and making corrections in my written draft takes my most of time, and it's not like i have already written all my parts, i write them in real time so it takes a little long especially writting them on my phone takes even more long, so i hope you can bear with me. Thank you for being patient with me y'all!.♡

Also guys i don't think this could be a called mini series anymore lmao, as I'm sure it will take atleast 2 or more chapters to complete the whole thing, so I'll be editing and updating my masterlist by today.

Also I'm thinking, about naming parts for this series! What are you opinions please let me know.

As I always say, REQUEST ARE OPEN!!!💌

Categories I write for are: imagines/reaction, scenarios, thoughts, text post, drabbles and timestamps.♡

So if you've requests please go on and submit it! I'll be happy to write one. Also your feedbacks are highly welcomed and appreciated.💜

#bts army #bts fic #bts x reader #bts scenarios #bts yoongi #min suga #bts suga #suga x reader #suga x y/n #suga x you #min yoongi #yoongi fic #yoongi scenarios #yoongixyou #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #yoongi x y/n #bts #yoongi fluff #yoongi ff #mini series #woozi #svt #yoonjinsgirl #spotify #Spotify

[marnz]

since i'm one of those people who watched tsn in 2023 (i was 12 when tsn was broadcasted) so it gave me this weird mixed feeling whenever i read markwardo fanfic because knowing how bad these people actually are irl and not some uwu precious baby but i can't blame fanfic writers in 2010-2011 for thinking zuckerberg and saverin were cool because during that time facebook was indeed cool and the internet was younger at that time too, the fic are good i admit but sometimes i need a moment to rethink why am i reading irl capitalists fanfic, it's so hard to distinguish between tsn and irl material most of the time too and not to mention tsn was just a story written based on irl saverin pov of fb and he was also an asshole. The only fun time to enjoy tsn was probably 2010-2011 because fb was cool, the cast was close and now even the cast of this film probably don't even contact each other anymore despite being so closed in 2010, sorry for rambling i just think it's amazing that people who enjoy tsn in 2010 still post about it in 2024!

well anon. Like I said. You had to be there. Look I love context and you said you were 12 in 2010 so here is some context: yes the internet was younger and yes fb/meta had not destroyed democracy yet but I also think there was more of a sense of hope related to technology, as opposed to dread. A lot of tech and social mainstays had not happened yet, politics were drastically different, Chris Hughes (cofounder of fb & communications guy) helped Obama get elected, people didn’t think global warming was real, society was MUCH more conservative and homophobic, etc., and the internet was the place to be.

when you say the internet was younger I’m interpreting this to mean that FB had not come into its final form yet, which is true, but also it & the internet was such a radically different experience. It felt limitless. You weren’t corralled in as much. You could go anywhere, you could find anything, you could make your own websites very easily, you were not assaulted by pop ups and apps were not mainstream because Apple didn’t launch the App Store until 2008. It was so easy to learn how to code. The operating systems between Apple and Android were SO distinct. Twitter launched in 2008/2009 but wasn’t quite so relevant until idk 2014? Fandom had just migrated from LJ to Tumblr but Tumblr was also hotter with the aesthetic girlies and porn blogs. “The algorithm” didn’t run the world. Yesterday I tried to find an article by searching for it and both Google and DuckDuckGo completely disregarded my request and did not turn up anything relevant. I can assure you that would not have happened in 2011. So there was SUCH a sense of optimism because the internet felt like a social good instead of an obligation that is increasingly privatized, surveilled, constrained, and decayed.

Which is why TSN got made and why there was an interest. It was a source of profound social change. But anyway. FB/Meta has ruined lives and it and all other social media apps that elevate divisive opinions to prompt as much engagement as possible (have you heard of the awful Isabel Fall twitter scandal? I recommend this article) are awful! And yet there’s an expectation of being online because a lot of communities now organize online, a lot of services require being online, etc., fandom has become less centralized/less unified, which is its own post.

Out of curiosity, what led you to watch the film? I do find it fascinating that there’s been a resurgence of TSN fandom. If this article had not been written I would not be posting about it but there’s still a lot of fic being written and fanvids being made to Taylor Swift songs. But it’s fandom devoid of all this context. So it is very strange, because you know what FB and all these people in it will become. I think I would have the exact cognitive dissonance you described if I watched it for the first time last year and tried to read fic. It is SO deeply fictionalized, so much of it is radically untrue, but you as the reader carry the truth in your mind. Which is why I cannot and do not engage with these days. And why I hold TSN in my mind curtained off. I spoke with many ppl from the original fandom yesterday and trust me, no one wants this.

I think, realistically, whatever movie Sorkin wants to make will probably be very good. It’s probably a good story to tell & explore. But I won’t be watching it. I lived that shit

#answered #anonymous #tsn #sorry for this very long answer I just think that you need to understand that 2011 and 2024 are basically night & day #also like for all of my critiques I met some of my best friends in TSN fandom #and I wrote so much fic and I met a lot of people that way as well! mostly thru glowing au & homo fuge #yes the cast is no longer close from what I’ve observed. #armie hammer is a rich evil nightmare. Justin Timberlake was once the prince of pop but now is either loathed or unremarkable #Jesse Eisenberg’s career choices are their own post #Andrew Garfield is my Taylor swift.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas

im not sure if youll remember me, but i sent an ask a few months ago when i (à genderqueer lesbian) found out my only friend was passively homophobic (he'd never actively do anything, but he also said he could never support it either)

soooo, update? i did a lot of thinking, and i did end up breaking up our friendship. it sucked massively, honestly, and even moreso now because i dont actually have any friends at all irl now. he genuinely was my only one. i work full time just now so its not like i have loads of social time anyway, but its weird not having anyone to message with my weird work stories or to hear about his uni stories

i move away from home in september though, to start university myself. ill be in a big city which is the complete opposite to how ive grown up (i live literally half an hour from the nearest grocery store) so ill get to make new friends there hopefully, and im even visiting the city for their pride celebrations this summer (aaaaaaa!!!!) but id always planned on doing all that with my friend's support along the way. im not very good at putting myself out there in foreign situations and university is going to be a lot of new and unfamiliar situations that im afraid ill just end up dropping out (which was the reason i took a gap year in the first place; to escape it for a year and to try to work on my confidence, which i have to an extent)

i dont really know if im asking anything here aha. it was supposed to just be a lil update that id let him go buuuuuuuuuuuut i guess its never as simple as that, is it?

anyway, have a lovely day cas ♡

Hi!

Yes, I remember you! Honestly, I'm so proud of you for letting that friend go.

I think university is coming at such a good time for you! I know it sounds so scary right now, but try to stick it out and try new things! Really, I have such a strong feeling this is going to be amazing for you <3 It's okay to be scared and nervous and even feel homesick, but soon you'll find that your university feels just as much like home (or more) then your home does.

Please keep me updated!

(Also I'm naming you university anon in case you do update me! Enjoy your free tag!)

#ask #asks #ask cas #university anon

[hummingbird-hunter]

Ough maybe I'll write like. A full post one day but I'm having a migraine and. Ough this is not going to be eloquent. Anyways

I think a lot of you tumblr trans people need to go outside. Like I don't mean in it a mean way; but for me personally I was a part of irl trans community before I was on tumblr or had any online trans community and honestly a lot of issues people are talking about here are. Not a thing irl?

Like some sort of fighting between transmascs and transfemmes? That's not a thing in real life. Maybe it is a thing in real life but only when almost every person in the community is chronically online or something.

For the longest time I didn't understand the concept of transmisandry and I've seen it a lot on this webbed site. I was even like. Cautious of it because I know several irl trans men who after they transitioned and started passing started being misogynistic to pass. Or just misogynistic. So at first I was like wait is it like the incely Men's Rights Activism trans edition?? And then I read more and apparently transmisandry is. People not believing that trans men experience misogyny??? People thinking that trans men have the same standing in society as cis men??? Which is like. Have you Ever been outside. I want to apologize to some of my mutuals for being critical when y'all were posting about transmisandry I never said anything outloud but I was judging you in my mind. But now that I know what transmisandry really is I'm like. In my defense that's not a thing in non-radfem non-chronically online spaces. At least the spaces I've been to?? Like I believe you that that is something that's real and that you've experienced. But also that just sounds so unbelievably chronically online and stupid to me. Like what do you mean people think trans men don't experience misogyny. Do people think misogynists can sniff out trans men before they transition and like. Not be sexist to them?? Anyways.

And like. A lot of other issues that I would've expanded upon if my head didn't hurt like a bitch. Like those are some twitter ass problems. Like people not being feminist anymore?? Because they think all feminists are terfs???? Which is like. I know in some countries terfs have like. Actual standing in society and government and like. Are an actual threat. But like. In most places if you go Outside. Feminism is good and needed and terfs have no friends. They only can go on twitter and tiktok and shit. Most irl feminist spaces are. You know. Actually feminist. At least from what I've seen?? When I'm Outside. Anyways. I think a lot of you and I say that with all the love in my heart need to go Outside

And like I know that sometimes transmisandry is also a problem Outside. Sometimes trans infighting is a problem Outside. Sometimes terfs are a problem Outside. And if you experience these problems Outside its valid and I hope things get better to Outside where you are.

But a lot of you have seen these problems online and never ever went Outside and I think you should try it because a lot ofbthe time Outside is not tumblr and normal not chronically online people are Normal about stuff so maybe you should talk to Normal people yeah yeah. Fuck I'm hungry but if I get up my head will Hurt again. Anyways go Outside and also send me Beams of Get Better. Bye.

#transgender

[noodleblade]

Miscellaneous Tag Game (stolen title <3)

thank you bestie:3 @searchingfortheuniverse I'll be working on this while im on and off phone calls~

A band you don’t like that many others do: UM idk...my music taste is all over the place and I really only know the bands i think?? oh- maybe Mother Mother, only because I have not bothered to listen to their music past Junkrat hype videos and that's probably tainted my view a little. For better or for worse.

A childhood memory that you remember vividly: during a summer in greece, idk how, but I got roped into selling watermelons off the side of the road. I couldn't have been more than 6 or 7, but I remember I would put the watermelon in a plastic bag and the farmers thought it was really funny because that's such a...united states thing...to bag 1 whole watermelon in plastic. Anyways, they paid me in cucumber slices with salt.

Least favorite animal and why: HUH LEAST. I'm not a huge fan of like reptiles? Specifically those smaller than a bread box. Too fast, too squirm. Im worried I'll crush them in my hands. (im thinking of specifically florida geckos...idk they are cute but i freak out trying to hold them).

Hot fandom take: just because something is popular and fandom-wide accepted doesn't mean it is good. and not agreeing with it/wanting to engage in it doesn't mean you or your own opinions are bad. the monopoly on accepted 1 true canon is boring.

Do you wear any jewelry, if so, what’s your favorite piece: I try an rotate my jewelry around but I'm usually wearing a few rings, a necklace and a pair of earrings. My favorites are the rings. They are my mom's old ones and I typically wear the same two every day. One is a gold key of greece and the other is a thin black bar but the sides have really small thin heart cut outs.

A movie others liked but you didn’t: HMMMMM probably the new star wars trilogy. felt unnecessary and i just didn't like it? big shruggies

Three things you love about yourself: my writing- its something that I enjoy the most in the world and something that I can claim as mine. I also think I'm pretty funny in a sillay way which is poggers. I like my openness to trying things. Think that's helped make me more well-rounded. I hope so at least.

A place you hope to visit in the future and why: HMMMMM. I want to visit Japan again. For a new place, I want to go to South America. Peru maybe??? Mexico would also be nice. So that's what I'm gearing up towards next.

An actor that gets on your nerves and why: Uh Matt Smith? No reason behind this. but I see his block head and kind of just look away.

Things you’re excited for in the nearby future? I have a lot of little house projects I finally feel like tackling which is exciting. Ive lived in my house for almost 2.5 years and still havent felt like parts of it are complete yet.

Least favorite ship in a fandom you’re in: oof I lowkey kind of hate saying things I don't like on here. bad experiences in the past when people were upset I didn't like a thing they did and got mad at me. But uhhh not the biggest fan of most rodimus ships? but I think mega/rod is my least favorite of them. sorry!

What’s the most toxic fandom you’ve been in? hahaahahahhahahah can you believe Game of Thrones wasn't the most toxic???? it was jjba. I got put on a ban list which was kind of funny. I also got kind of show-ponyed in a toxic discord server for a while which has completely ruined me in the ability to act normal on discord outside of my irl friends. that account is deleted but the ao3 is still circling around.

List three things you find beautiful about life: Friends and family- sometimes I want to kill but I really do love them so so much. I like creating things and creating things with people. I also really like my area as far as nature goes. the beach to swamp ratio sings to me.

Any dreams for the future? I want to go on a really long hike. Maybe like a 2 day one? (< says the person that has gone on a max 2 hour hike before). Also just working on my original fiction again. I miss those fellas.

How are you really feeling today? Motivated!!!! Im a little groggy still, but I've been really excited about life and betterment lately so its overcoming my sleepy brain.

Tags: feel free to do or not: @honkytonka, @elmonstro, @huanted-dennys, @feral-birb-husband, @solarstormstuff @anyone else who wants to!! I'd be happy to read them:3

#tag game #me stuff

[just-a-carrot]

HELLO CARROT!

Given how apparently I’m immune to playing OW games without recording them now, you’ll audibly hear my thoughts within the next few weeks (I’m posting tomorrow because I’m an absolute maniac), BUT I WANNA SAY THINGS HERE BECAUSE APPRECIATION CAN’T WAIT THAT LONG!

Also Merry Christmas! It’s midnight when I’m writing this, so ‘tis the day of caroling and festivities and woah. Or happy holidays if you don’t celebrate!

Back to the Our Cinderella topic, I have only played Genzou’s route as of now (I’m sure that’s hardly surprising, he is my fav), but the others are next. Their time is coming. They cannot escape. SO SPOILERS FOR GENZOU’S ROUTE!

First off, I saw you included the little dancing in front of TV Iggy pose and the joy I felt seeing it was off the charts. I kept bringing it up, I was very happy. And seeing Iggy moving about was really cool in general, even without the novelty of seeing a suggestion I made exist in the game.

NEXT UP! Genzou drunk singing is an image I didn’t know I needed, thank you for the visual and the brain food. BUT ALSO I HAVE BEEN CONNECTING JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR SONGS TO OW FOR SO LONG AND HEARING THE MUSICAL BE MENTIONED BY GENZOU THREW ME FOR A LOOP. Great musical, very nice. Last Supper reminds me of Genzou and Orlam. Judas’s voice in general reminds me of Orlam. Musicals and OW can further connect in my brain hobby drawer.

The text interactions in general were really funny, actually. I liked the absolute chaos that was Iggy and Genzou’s text conversations, I was laughing while trying to read a lot of the time. I remember the aforementioned drunk singing conversation and the puddle one both got me pretty good while I was reading, and it was overall fun to see more lighthearted conversations from the characters, even if it’s in a different universe from the main canon.

To end things off, ‘cause again 1) I haven’t finished all the game’s routes yet, and 2) you’ll be able to hear my thoughts in the moment if you choose in future anyways, I wanna mention the version of Cinderella Bucks tells at the end? I can’t get it out of my head. When I was thinking about the game after having just played it, my mind kept flashing back to CinderJesus. It absolutely decimated my brain function, but in a very fun way. More slice-of-life Bucks, please, she’s peak comedy.

Very fun game, 10/10, very sad I couldn’t buy the Kirby in the first playthrough but it’s on my to-do list, aaaand yeah! Thank you for making this! I loved every minute of it, and I’m really excited to play the remaining routes once my irl festivities are over.

sob this is so sweet! 😭💕 i'm excited to watch your playthrough too -- things are a bit overwhelming in general for me right now as i'm still with my family and doing a bunch of things, but even if i'm unable to find time this week i will for sure watch once i'm back home next week. i'm really happy that you're enjoying it so much already tho ahhhh and that you're finding it so entertaining 🥺

i'm glad you liked the poses i had so much fun with them and also using some of the suggestions to add more! and LMAO JCS is a musical i grew up watching (my parents used to play the original album in the house lol) so i get the songs stuck in my head a lot, hence why it randomly worked its way into this (among many other random silly little references or inspirations from my own life hahaha). that is extremely funny to me 🤣

i'm glad you liked the convos they were the epitome of silly. and also bucks's part hahaha. i was half-worried it would end up being too ridiculous and random for people because it just got so weird in places hahaha

thank you so much for this lovely message and all of your thoughts and for playing the game! 🥺💕 i look forward to watching the playthrough so i can see all of your reactions in real-time lakjdfs

#ask: oc #ask: ow #ask: iggy #ask: genzou #ask: bucks #ask: orlam

[moondragon618]

So uh. I think I've decided that I want to be a little bit more open about some things on here bc honestly trying not to acknowledge it is just causing me a ton of unnecessary stress (and I'm sure as fuck not acknowledging it irl lmaooo) so yeah. So I'll start with this: I'm currently unemployed and living with my parents (mom and stepdad) and my younger but also adult brother (they all have some form of income but it's only just barely enough to get by). Now on its own the whole all of us living together thing should not be that big of a deal apparently according to what I've learned from hearing other ppl's experiences in similar situations. Unfortunately my parents do not think like this. My mom especially is convinced that we are literally ruining her life so y'know that's fun (:

Okay but seriously. I'm about to sound like I'm trying to downplay this (and maybe I am bc. Yk.) but like a good 80% or so of the time it's. Fine. We get along okay. But I know that's only bc we never acknowledge The Problems outside of the few bad days and we always just go on like those never even happened. And here's what I mean by bad days btw: ""Family Meetings"". Yeah that phrase is literally a fucking trigger for me now it's fucking bullshit. When I was younger it meant "me getting screamed at about how fucked up I am and how fucked I'll be in the "real world" and how I'm just "a soft spoiled little bitch bc I never got my ass beat" (like my brother. bc he's definitely fine and has no issues at all lmaooo) (and usually without the bitch part aside from once when I was a teenager) and now it's more "me getting screamed at by my mom abt how I'm ruining her life and her marriage" etc. etc. So yeah. My stepdad is a little better in that he only yelled at me one time when I was like 12 I think? And then never again. And he seems to at least understand that if screaming at still hasn't "fixed" me after 25 fucking years then it's probably not going to so yeah. And he did actually kind of stand up for me during the last one (in late September-ish) which I know isn't much but it's still way more than anyone else has done so I do appreciate it.

Anyway the last one was really fun (terrible) I got the usual + being told I being disrespectful for not coming out to the living room bc I was having a panic attack and quite literally frozen and unable to move 👍👍👍 And I've also been limited to just my phone since then bc my mom took my computer (bc god forbid we consider there might be a reason I'm on it so much) and still hasn't given it back and tbh I think I'd rather kms than ask for it back so that's fun too (:

I am aware that this is abusive behavior and that screaming at your child for any reason is in fact child abuse btw. It took me until very recently to come to terms with that even while knowing that (and I'm probably still not fully there tbh) but I know. It's that fucking generational trauma bullshit yk. My mom's side of the family is Fucked Up like her parents were terrible and their (mostly her dad's idk the other ones lol) parents. Yeah I'm not even comfortable talking about them right now that's like a whole other thing lmao. But yeah I know that doesn't even remotely make it okay.

And yeah like the day after shit like that happens we just never acknowledge it again until everyone's losing their shit again because nothing ever changes. Believe it or not being screamed at does not help me figure out how to navigate getting a source of income or how I'm supposed to do anything when we sure as fuck can't afford another vehicle or how I'm ever going to be able to afford my own place to live lmaooo. And I also literally cannot even talk to them about any of this without losing my ability to speak so that really doesn't help either (: I sure as fuck haven't tried calling out the bullshit either bc fuck that there's no fucking way that's going over well and I couldn't even if I wanted to (: (: (:

So I'm just kinda stuck here ig. It's really not too bad (most of the time). I'm not saying that to minimize or invalidate anything either I just want you all to know that it's not like super urgent or anything, I'm not in danger, my mental health isn't great obviously but I'm not at risk of hurting myself or suicide or anything. Promise <3 I'm a tenacious bastard sticking around out of pure spite and a desire to keep creating things if nothing else lmao :)

God this is kind of a trauma dump lmao but that about sums it up ig? I'm also very much open to advice if anyone has any <3

#srry if I come across insensitively with my jokes and stuff btw #I'm not trying to be I just cope by making fun of how absurd the logic is now that I know it is lol #vent #tw abuse #tw suicide mention #tw victim blaming

[sporkberries]

I want to hear your foxhound headcanons

GHHHHHHH okay this is rough bc idek where to start bc so much stuff in my head is built on other things so ig ill lay out some of em:

- snavid canonically is recruited into foxhound after the gulf war so some time after 1991. fox calls him a rookie in mg1 so i like to think he joined in '94 or '95 so any pre outer heaven foxhound event he's like.... 22 or 23. this isnt really that important but timelines are important to me bc i have problems.

- big boss is the boss at foxhound, venom snake is at outer heaven the whole time. that being said bb does go to africa a lot and loves skipping out on foxhound work but hes not the one running outer heaven day to day. on a similar note i just want to say that imo sniper wolf's "saladin" is venom snake.

- BB is in charge of foxhound but he's notoriously awful to work with. he plays hooky a lot and isnt the most friendly especially to high ranking members of other military branches. unfortunately foxhound brings good results and bb is bb so nobody really calls him on it. tensions within foxhound as well as between government organizations are incredibly tense.

- foxhound is a relatively small operation in terms of numbers. its really the elite of the elite yk so its not massive. BB Campbell Fox and Miller are thus the major players in terms of internal politics, with the power going in about that order. fox is essentially bb's direct right hand and does everything he wants. miller is the opposite trying to ruin bb from the inside and campbell's stuck between a rock and a hard place, he'll always defer to and inevitably agree with bb but a part of him does know something is wrong and he lives with that guilt for the rest of his life.

- kaz is a trans woman about 90% of the time when i refer to anything foxhound related. in some niche corners of my head she isnt but the vast majority of the time shes some sort of transfem wether it be more nonbinary or just a binary trans woman.

- in my weird delusion snavid's relationship with miller parallels bb's and the bosses. snavid looks up to miller and values her a lot, accepting her word above most others with maybe only the big boss hero worship exception. miller initially only wants to manipulate snavid(who keep in mind is a foster kid who never really had any stable relationships or guiding figures in his life) but she does end up genuinely caring about him which makes her feel incredibly guilty that she's manipulating him into committing patricide. not that the guilt stops her tho lol.

- on a similar note miller can sometimes be incredibly callous or cruel to david but this is largely in moments where snavid sounds too much like bb and its an almost involuntary violent response.

- in mg2 it was said that campbell also attained the title of fox alongside grey fox, going by chicken fox. this is retconned in mgs1 but i keep it in my hc.

- ocelot is a member of foxhound but i think he sticks a lot on the dl. putting things into order for bb as well as dealing with the recent collapse of the soviet union which is why hes not mentioned much here(i dont remember if the soviet union had collapsed at the same time as irl bc mg1 and 2 were released in the 80's but its implied to be the same when the solid games release so???)

- fox and snake are friendly towards eachother but not necessarily close, its the outer heaven incident that really solidifies their warrior bond or whatever. they are aware of eachother before that though and fox does have a passing interest in david even sparring with him a few times. however its one of those situations where they just miss eachother. sometimes tho i like to make them close anyways or make them meet in the gulf war first bc ily snox.... this one changes a lot depending on if i wanna adhere to canon or be rlly self indulgent.

- in terms of fox hound internal politics bb is bb. fox listens to bb and tolerates campbell. fox and miller do not get a long at all. miller does not get along with bb. and campbell and miller are kinda friends but in a co worker way.

- i think bb finds it incredibly funny to irritate kaz and make his life worse. kaz not liking bb is foxhounds worst kept secret and even recruits can kinda tell that kaz doesnt like bb. kaz for the most part is capable of keeping up appearances but bb enjoys antagonizing kaz so she'll get upset and then be publicly humiliated or seen as hysterical. its just a really awful work environment and the fact there's still sexual tension makes it even worse. foxhound desperately needs an hr department.

- i have some vagueeeee ocs in my head who are in training with snavid but they arent super concrete and mostly exist as background characters anyways

- i feel like grey fox is the type of guy to take his co workers lunch out of the fridge and eat it even if there is a note

#sorry for any typos #spork says stuff

[vogelmeister]

anyways i’m thinking about my birthday and im wondering what i should do (its in june). i dont wanna just go out to dinner because i did that last year and it was basically just… ik i can do better. whatever i do i know ill probably do on the friday or saturday night before or after bc my birthday is a weekday. it will also probably be my high school group (5 ppl) my hometown friends (2 ppl) and my work bestie (1 ppl).

1. powerpoint night.

pros:

- its cheap. can be done at my house and is really casual

- this is something i’ve wanted to do for a while (i actually wanted one for my 19th but my ex friends talked me out of it because they wouldn’t like it)

- my friends who havent met my cat can meet my cat

cons:

- will be getting a few different groups of friends together so it may be awkward for these people to present/ find topic

- my sister turned the ‘hangout space” into her hsc study area and really is anti giving it up for one night (i tried once). also her stuff gives bad vodoo bc hsc

- will probably have to kick family out

- i feel some ppl find the notion of a powerpoint presentation stressful bc high school (probably why my ex friends weren’t too keen)

- my house isnt great for public transport and funnily enough the friends who live furthest away don’t have their license . its a locals only bus service. you can tell.

2. escape room

pros

- really easy team building plus it doesn’t matter if its all different groups /some people don’t know each other well.

cons.

- expensive as fuck

- done lots of escape rooms

- doing with lots of people can be overwhelming and smaller teams kinda work better here (i did an escape room once and the team was like ten people and it was Too Much. i stood there useless half the time.)

3. quiz room

pros.

- really cool and unique also im a sucker for trivia and irl game show sounds cool.

- probably good for my desired group size.

- public transport accessible

cons.

- its literally $45 pp and like ik my friends aren’t that stingy but even im going… yikes

- will probably have to be organised far in advance

4. karaoke

pros.

- really affordable if you do it right

- reliable. really easy to organise and i know how to.

- public transport accessible

cons.

- my friends and i do this all the time

- once again the three ppl there who don’t really know my high school friends might find it awkward

- if i do it i wanna go somewhere other than my place in chinatown

anyways idk. sound off in replies if you have advice or ideas bc i generally do not know anymore. might out up a poll.

#i love an around the world dress up theme but like i know two of my friends would do japan haha #i would go as netherlands ofc #but one if my friends in nl did like glow in the dark mini golf and then we all went out afterwards for dinner and it was fun #i wanna do something like that #like an activity then dinner #i haven’t done a games night in a while either so idk #i just don’t wanna do a birthday dinner and nothing else #also northern hemisphere badies keep in mind june IS winter before u suggest beach day #ill talk to my mum after my sister’s birthday is done #oh now im scared bc my childhood friends havent met my work friend and they're v protective of me and are my hs friend's biggest critics #like they were telling me to drop my ex friend's for years and had to sit while i defended them bc “they're great they just have flaws” #they also hated my ex for how he treated me #and my highschool friends that werent my ex friends almost had to earn their reputation back after the Break Up of 2022 #now they're all cool #i might give my work friend a whos who next time we are on shift together

[an-obsessed-cactus]

Ello ello ello!

honestly not sure yet what this page will be about(i do know i just don't want to admit to myself it'll be a random stream of consciousness à la James Joyce) but i thought I'd make a kind of introductory post about myself at least so here goes.(fandoms are listed at the bottom cuz at the heart of it tumblr is a place for obsessed freaks like myself). also I'm new to tumblr so its ways and etiquette are still unknown to me. but i will learn promise. anyway.

Name's Dorian/Bree(still deciding so take your pick and I'll see what sticks). I'm omnisexual and go by she/her tho atm whole gender identity is kind of a mystery to me so that could change.

I'm finishing high school this year so my life'll be a bit hectic for a while(was for the last 4 years tbh). Cause I'm interested in one thing too many and can't make decisions to save my life and also cause I'm an anxious mess who can't relax, I'm taking a gap year. I'm planning on getting some rest to get back what remains of my mental health (which sadly ain't much but such is life). I'm gonna go travelling around a bit(rn pretty sure about Norway, UK, France & myb Japan) and honestly if I make any friends on here it'd be sick if someone joined me so that's always open.

Then next year, when I finish my soulsearching, I'll prolly go study sth cuz that's how the world works. I'd love to be either a writer or film director (or myb a therapist). My dream is to study film in UK(as a career writing and filmmaking is pretty much a tie, but filmmaking sounds just a tiny smidge more stable. Not giving up on writing in the least, but I feel like studying is more necessary for film than writing?) I love watching series and films not only because of the story, but because of the way it's told. I love to overanalyze the storytelling, the characters and different dynamics between them(and honestly just everything about the film) or read others' post overanalyzing it, so a film/series(does that exist?) critic sounds like an awesome job as well. But I'd like to be in the middle of the making and tell my own stories. Cinema's a bit sad in my country (non-existent more like) so studying abroad sounds like the only real option if I wanna make it in the industry. It's also an opportunity to meet more people interested in the stuff that I am so hopefully it works out. Fingers crossed 🤞🤞

Obviously, if one's obsessed with cinema, you can hardly avoid falling down the rabbit hole that are the fandoms. I'm currently fixated on Good Omens and would love to find some humans I can discuss it with cuz my irl friends(tho I love them with all my heart) just don't go temporary insane over fandoms the way I do.

I get random moments of revelation about other fandoms as well, so here's a list:

Good Omens

MCU(pls no spoilers post Wakanda Forever. I'm kinda runnin a bit late but I'll catch up I promise)

Sherlock

ATLA

MLB

Star Trek

TOH

Lucifer

Megamind

Umbrella Academy

BBC Merlin

Hannibal

Stranger things

Witcher

TVD(was my first real fandom so it still persists even tho I'm not really into it much anymore)

myb some more that I forgot

I'll prolly be adding stuff here as I figure out what I wanna talk about, but one of the things I'm working on is getting rid of perfectionism so this is it for now. I tried to keep it brief but that obviously hadn't worked out lmao. Could be worse(much, much worse)

#introductory post #intro post #introduction #about me

[th3swarm]

Okay okay but u have to tell me abt the brainwashing Rollercoaster like u can't just throw out that pair of words n not elaborate

YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT THE SMILER OHHHH MY GODDD !!!!! MY FIRST BIG COASTER ?? THE ONE WHOS BACKSTORY GOT ME INTO ROLLERCOASTERS IN THE FIRST PLACE ?? THE RECORD HOLDER FOR INVERSIONS ???? I KNOW YOURE AMERICAN AND NOT SOMEONE WHO SUPER LIKES THEME PARKS BUT OH MY GOD HANG ON I NEED PICTURES

brainwashing and experimentation/medical stuff under the cut

[all my photography, apart from first and last, first is official i think ? i hope and the last one was taken by my irl friend who isnt on tumblr]

PHOTOS DONT DO IT JUSTICE OK ITS OVER A KILOMETER OF TRACK IN A VERY SMALL SPACE ITS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN IT LOOKS IN PICTURES. PICTURE 3 FOR SCALE ITS HUGE I PROMISE. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGOZL0cftQ8] VIDEOS ARE BETTER FOR SCALE AND FOR THE SOUNDTRACK (AGAIN. ITS MUCH LOUDER IRL, YOU CANT HEAR ANYTHING ELSE AS YOU WALK INTO THE AREA) . ITS FAR BETTER WITH THE SOUNDTRACK BECAUSE THERES ONLY SO MUCH THEMING YOU CAN CONVEY WITH JUST THE COASTER ITSELF . AND THE SCREEN ITS SUPER COOL, ESPECIALLY IN THE DARK OHH MY GOD I WENT IN THE DARK AND THE PISSING RAIN LAST HALLOWEEN IT WAS AMAZING, THERES ALMOST NO LIGHTS IN X-SECTOR THEY JUST HAVE THE SCREEN ITS ABSOLUTELY BLINDING

CW APPLIES HERE DOWNWARDS

ANYWAY THE BRAINWASHING PART IS THE BACKSTORY. WHICH IM NOT VERY GOOD AT WRITING OUT AT 2AM BECAUSE ITS VERY VAUGE ON PURPOSE TO BE INTRIGUING OR SOMETHING BUT BASICALLY IT BRAINWASHES PEOPLE ! MIND CONTROL UNDER THE GUISE OF MAKING YOU HAPPY! that subgenre of horror !!! theres also a computer controlling the whole thing which is the giant circle screen in the middle of all this !

there was also a scare maze aligning with the lore side of it when in opened in 2013 ! it was themed around being the hospital/facility where they did experiments to figure out how to best (??) do the brainwashing in the first place ! ive never done a scare maze im so glad they stopped doing that one because id probably go in there going "yay! smiler maze!" and then cry or something .

#TUMBLR MADE THE CUT WEIRD IT SHORTENS LONG POSTS SO I HAD TO DO IT WEIRD IM SORRY #do not google this ride ever btw people are literally evil about it #i love ur asks thank you for enabling my rambling :sob: #i have this infodump locked and loaded at all times to anyone who expresses any interest in it at all to me <3 #also dear any towers mutuals im very sorry for badly summarising the lore . i did not want to go and check everything to make sure i was ri #-right because its 2 in the morning . heart eyes emoji #keters stuff #towers stuff #ask #skullz-online #i dont know why i did most of this in block caps and then changed my mind at the end #block caps doesnt feel appropriate for that . idk #anyway YEAHHH FAV COASTER . #i am abolutely biased because yeah OBJECTIVELY shambhala is better and probably so is nemesis . but no this is my fav one . #im not brave enough to put this in the tags x hope you enjoy my 2am rant #brainwashing cw #medical cw #experimentation cw #hospital cw #??? is that everything #ask to tag #cool mutual tag

[spikeinthepunch]

Well, I didn't expect to be sitting down an deciding to write a lengthy personal post about the app, Vent. But its shutting down for good in literally two days. If this was any other situation where it slowly just became inactive but stayed up, I wouldn't mention it. But an app shutting down for good is a big deal, and I'll cross my fingers that I get sent the data I requested.

Vent is an app I feel like everyone seems to be aware of but left and forgot after its boom in 2016-2017. no one really says that they use it, most left it after that period. its pretty well known for weird and absurd kin posts and drama and other nonsense. having been on it since it launched, i saw... so much. so so much.

Having gotten to it around age 16, that app houses a huge amount of personal posts I made on an app I considered the best place to dump some of the most private, venty things. Boy does it catalogue a huge series of development and mental growth. And above all stands as a lesson to myself on how to manage such personal things around others online. What is to be said isn't me forcing a lesson on the reader, but just expressing what I learned- because in those teenage years it was easy to want to have all my online friends involved in seeing my vent posts. That Age on tumblr, that culture around validation and mental illness- I wanted validation and post interactions. I vented a lot, teen years sucked- this seemed fine to do from my unaware mind but it caused so much tension, stress, and drama in my closest relationships that I still wish hadnt occurred- but can accept that behavior years later... i was just a teen, it wasn't surprising. Getting your bestest friends in a private closed circle of venting is not as good of an idea as you'd want it to be, to say the least. Especially when you're teens and dont have therapy.

But that is to say- Vent became its best to me when I closed it off entirely to everyone except for one good mutual I had gained purely through Vent, and eventually one key IRL friend. Me, two other people. That was it. It turned into a diary for years after I chose to do that and it had been very useful for me. One or two people I didn't mind getting a glimpse into things, especially after i matured and learned to...better control and understand how to vent in a healthier way. It was somewhere I went to maybe once a month, maybe less frequently, to just... throw out a huge post documenting my feelings and important thoughts from the last many weeks. Great big summaries I'd have no energy to split up into a priv twitter thread, or post on public blogs.

Growth. So so much growth. So much in all those posts and all that time. Almost 8 years of my incredibly personal thoughts sit on that app and it sucks knowing that place will be gone for good. There could be a miracle but it seems unlikely.

For those never on the app, or stopped using it ages back- Vent has been a mess for a long time. It has gone through various changes in hopes of keeping it alive- for years its just been all over the place. It barely functions most times. It's been limping for years now and it was always a joke to me that it hadn't gone down yet. It seemed inevitable- and here we are! Gone on the 28th of Feb, and it was only stated a few days ago. And theyd been promising they had an alternative..

Losing things like this sucks, because it is a part of the internet. People love to say nothing truly goes away on the internet- and thats just not true. Time and time again we lose apps and websites with no backups or way to view them reliably. Newer age technology makes this especially harder to preserve. While I and others have requested our data, there will be hundreds if not thousands of accounts left to vanish after Vent shuts down, especially given the incredibly short notice.

So, RIP Vent, you were already dead for some years anyways. But I appreciate what I made of it and its a shame I can't think of any place where I could keep this kind of diary up still.

#vent app

[stevebabey]

I'm the first anon, thank you so much for understanding. I have those feelings for months now and I'm going crazy lmao.

I wish I could get into character x character stuff, but unfortunately, my stupid brain loves to consume stuff through self insert, so x reader is my preferred outlet for everything :/ I just feel like I don't belong anywhere in this fandom rn in terms of content creation. I'm not into most x reader stuff and I like to explore more character things, but I also don't really belong in there because I'm not a shipper.

It's just so frustrating to see, and the other anon was right. The tiktokification of media and fandoms in general is insane to watch. Like I saw a tiktok that complained that the Poppy War by Rf Kuang was boring because it had no spice. M'am, this is a book about war? 😭 Or, like everything is described in tropes (that's a problem for books, not fanfic per se) for fast consumption, the plot doesn't matter if certain scenarios are not ticked off. Not to mention AI and things like characterAI where people just get quickly what they want without using really their imagination (plus them not caring that this is stealing from real people).

And yeah, the whole minor part. It's insane to tell 12 year olds, that virgins write the best stuff. I'm reading and writing fics since I was 14, and I'm "lucky" I wasn't really exposed to those things until I was 16. English isn't my first language, so fanfics were a bit limited, I guess (plus having a very nieche interest that didn't reach international fame and fandom). Also, I mostly consumed stuff from friends I know irl and we had a few spicy scenes because we were curious, but we never got exposed to hardcore smut. I'm not saying there should be no smut at all, everyone is free to express themselves. It's a problem if the fandom is only that because it creates a space not everyone has access to or gets messed up. Fandom is community and everyone should feel welcome. If I was a minor and all writer blogs tell me to fuck off because they only write mature things, idk if I would even wanna stay. Which is also another problem because fandoms die out so quickly as it is.

Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this exactly because you already said everything and I agree with you. <33

omg you say you don't know where you're going with this but brought up so many good POINTS

you're not crazy and you're definitely not the only one feeling that way!! i understand completely and it's infuriating that the topic of it is almost tongue in cheek in this fandom and lots of people feel they would be better off biting their tongue than expressing that frustration ://

character x character is something that takes a hot minute to get into i've found, i've honestly only just gotten into it within the last year or so (because i also struggle with like ocs and the like) but i am a long lover of the self insert i can't even lie <3

but there's like a difference between the way you describe this!! i think you're very much like me and it's like a genuine love for a character that drives your desire for writing self-insert- its like i love this dude so much and i want them to be happy and i want to be that source of happiness, i want to be that first kiss or gentle touch they need :D

andddd that's my problem with so much of the smut-leaning fics. where's the soul!?! where's the driving heart of the story? the best fics are the most self indulgent because you can see the best parts of someone in them !!!!

i'm really sorry that you feel like you don't have a place in this fandom but you do definitely belong here honey- fandom is supposed to be a community and there's no prerequisite to existing here at all and the fact there feels like there are certain amounts you have to succeed in to be a writer is so just bleh

tiktok is a goddam brainrotting place lmao and every day im not on it is a great one! the trope shit is SO true, like the idea that if you can check a few boxes (one of those things being smut) its the thing that makes a piece good instead of how it's written and the passion for the story like ugh and don't even get me started on ai 😭 that is a shitshow in itself and anyone who uses that to write fics or complete other peoples fics are absolute garbage people

the minor thing is yeah completely fucked and you raise SUCH a good point about how it limits the spaces that they can occupy which is so fucking stupid cos how many of us started in fandom at young ages??? everyone should feel welcome! and god the thought of someone trying to so hard to avoid nsfw content but just to have it shoved down their throat in every other post and also having so many writers telling them to fuck off ur so right, i wouldn't wanna stay either!

and it's just so so so sad because there are a thousand people who i WISH would write their ideas, write their fics, whether its bad or good first time around because THAT is the point of fandom. love for the source! new ideas! people's new takes on old tropes over and over :D

ah you opened the floodgate in me.... you didn't ask for advice but truly, write the most self indulgent stuff ever and it can't lead you wrong. i hope the culture of fandom changes and every time you ignore the urge to write for what u think people will like and just write what you want, we all get a little bit closer to that change :")

#endless opinions.... gah sorry! #im so rambly today #i hope u feel better about ur place in the fandom bub and i mean that genuinely and wholeheartedly #u belong here #mwah mwah mwah #lots of love <3 #ruby talks #asks #anon