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sophiemsmsmsmgallery · 3 years

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I’ll tell you who SOPHIE was - she provided me with the soundtrack to my existence.

SOPHIE - a futuristic goddess, an ingenious music producer, ethereal visionary, a trans icon.... just an icon generally speaking - tragically passed away at the age of 34 in Athens, Greece after falling off a rooftop whilst attempting to capture a picture of the full moon. Her gut wrenching death brought me to tears. This is the first time a famous person’s death has affected me so deeply. Her bold, hyperkinetic approach to producing musical art was so impeccable and refreshing considering so much of modern day’s music tends to sound incredibly predictable. Whilst alive, visionary SOPHIE generated a following of intensely adoring, dedicated fans. Honestly, don’t EVER mess with a SOPHIE fan. Trust me!

She worked with the biggest popstars, rappers, K Pop groups, rappers and upcoming artists but still remained so humble despite her enormous talent. However, she hadn’t reached household name status during her life. Sadly, many people only had heard of SOPHIE after her tragic and unexpected death. This motivated me to write a piece dedicated to this beautiful and timeless mastermind. I do acknowledge that its been exceptionally challenging to summarise how SOPHIE impacted my life onto only a few pieces of paper. However, its the least I can do. Therefore, I present to all of you my written tribute which shall focus on how her extraordinary music has featured during key moments of my lifetime and expanded my initially narrow knowledge of beauty, gender and identity like never before.

Let’s commence this written tribute by travelling back in time to when I had just turned 15. During that time period, my disposition was extremely introverted. In all honesty, like almost all teenagers suffering the displeasing side effects of bloody puberty, I was barely approachable. I adopted the entire persona of a full time punk kid wearing a thick leather jacket whilst applying extremely heavy kohl eyeliner and dying my hair jet black - which looked devastating. I would also scribble quotes associated with the punk ideology and act like some pretentious snob towards anything that was unrelated to punk, industrial or rap music. That was the most rebellion I exuded at the time (trying not to feel complete despair as much as possible for my former teenage self)

That captious mentality caused by teenage angst was erased the minute I listened to a snippet of the musical force of nature named ‘BIPP’ by SOPHIE on a Swiss MTV sponsored advert. The high pitched vocals singing ‘However you’re feeling, I can make you feel better’ provided by Marcella and overall catchy, hyperkinetic production mesmerised me like there’s no tomorrow. Nothing had captivated my imagination like the timeless ‘BIPP’ did so I typed aggressively and rapidly into the Google search engine straight away. I had to know who the mastermind lurking behind this masterpiece was. I had to know of the mastermind who provided me with this pivotal musical epiphany. Then the capitalised name ‘SOPHIE’ popped up right in front of my eyes.

After listening to ‘BIPP’ in its entirety on repeat, I instantly began to read up on SOPHIE and stumbled upon her 2013 interview on BBC Radio 1 with SOPHIE where she concealed her identity by having her 5 year old niece respond to the host’s questions instead of herself. At the time, I assumed Sophie had implemented a voice changer to project the voice of an infant. SOPHIE’s dry humoured response, namely ,,I’ve got a cough!’’ to the host’s bewilderment over the child sounding voice stood out for me. Earlier in her career, SOPHIE’s anonymity prompted much speculation in the music industry and press. I always perceived this bizarre, hysterical act of Sophie’s as a ‘two middle fingers up’ to our environment fuelled by mainstream culture, especially how so many people obsess over notable figure’s personal business and public image instead of their artistic accomplishments far too often. This has to be the ultimate moment my own curiosity for Sophie’s ingenious musical productivity became insatiable. Later on, I would await the 2015 McDonalds commercial anxiously to have my ears blessed with her gratifying track ,Lemonade’ over and over. The synthesised sounds that fizz like pop rocks. Nabihah’s crisp vocals which repeat ‘Candy boys, c - c - candy boys’. The overall ear worm appeal of the track. Flawless!

In the meantime, I discovered that Sophie happened to be a very well known affiliate of the divisive,unique PC Music label based in London, England. During the time period, I was - to be quite frank - not an avid bubblegum bass or hyper-pop listener in the slightest. I worshipped bands such as The Clash, Dead Kennedys, Rammstein,Tool, The KLF and additionally adored rap music ranging from N.W.A to Eminem. They totally divert from the hyperkinetic, exaggerated take on the pop genre embraced by the PC Music label. However, my teenage idols and SOPHIE objectively share something fundamental in common - Through their trailblazing musical output, they push every single barrier possible and deconstruct what constitutes as ,normal’ in modern day society. Even just after releasing her first full length album ‘Product’, SOPHIE embodied a bold form of rebellion against society’s conventionality and unforgiving temperament by incorporating lyrics alluding to a mostly genderless nature and sexual fetishes eg BDSM. As an extremely naive, self conscious teenager, all of this completely perplexed but intrigued me. Any glimpse of art connected with an attitude of non conformity resonated with me in practically seconds and continues to even at 22.

This longing for anything unorthodox traces back to my own childhood. To explain some details about my background, I grew up in a rather small, very conservative village in Switzerland from the age of 9. Even uttering anything LGBT related would illicit responses ranging from loud gasps to shocked faces at my high school. As a non Swiss resident, the educational setting demonstrated to be more than challenging at times. One incident that stands out to me especially is when a classmate ranted about his disapproval of non Swiss inhabitants receiving Swiss pass and then continued with yelling ‘All my family voted for the SVP kick all of (you fucking foreign scum) out!’.Just to clarify, the SVP is the largest party in Switzerland and leans very far right politically. As you can presume, I was utterly distraught by this disconcerting interaction and confess to losing any fragment of self confidence remaining in that moment. Luckily the Swiss MTV channel existed, which was far more on trend with the times and embraced marginalised communities. I will forever cherish Swiss MTV introducing me to SOPHIE’s impeccable, lawless music and being a form of escapism in my bedroom from the racist, homophobic climate prevailing in my village.

At the age of 17, Graduation finally arrived at the door which was an absolute relief. A few hours later, the celebration party took place in a secluded barn and my boyfriend immersed himself into the role as DJ for the night. Towards the end, he sneakily included Product era classics including ‘Vyzee’ and ‘Hard’. I could barely contain my excitement. We all almost choked on the horrendous party smoke, spilt our cheap beer on each other’s outfits and chanted ‘Shake it up and make it fizz!’ and ‘I get so hard.’ Ironically, I believe my Swiss colleagues didn’t exactly recognise the discernible sexual connotations exhibited throughout the song which causes me to giggle ever so slightly looking back. However, it felt liberating hearing SOPHIE’s fiercely electronic, transparent music and seeing my classmates enjoying it - especially as all you would hear on most music outlets there was either dreary Indie or Luka Haenni - the Swiss equivalent to Justin Bieber. That’s the most I’m able to recollect from that peculiar night - aside from a trampoline burning to the ground due to someone placing a candle on it. After all that jazz, a thrillingly new chapter for myself - and even for SOPHIE - would unfold.

At 17, I returned to my place of birth, England, and enrolled at Sixth Form in the South to complete my A Levels. I initially felt extremely elated to move back to England and finally entering the era of adulthood in my life. However, the atmosphere at Sixth Form and in the South of England seemed ... so unfamiliar to me which was heartbreaking. My mind had totally adjusted to a Swiss and my mind endured unsettling feelings of anxiety during the entire first year at British college. However, SOPHIE’s music once again presented itself as a form of therapy for me. She released the ethereal, stunning ballad ‘It’s Okay To Cry’ during this time period. After watching its music video and deciphering the lyrics I realised... Oh my goodness, SOPHIE just came out as a transgender woman! I recall being touched by the exquisite, idiosyncratic song featuring 80s style synthesised arrangements. SOPHIE’S bravery mesmerised me. I knew in that moment, Sophie would revolutionise the music industry, especially the habitat of music production dominated by cisgender, heterosexual men. She proved my initial predictions right - and on many occasions.

The day after SOPHIE released ‘Its Okay To Cry’, I overheard an energetic conversation carried out by a few of fellow openly gay and trans classmates who I’m still acquainted with to this day. They couldn’t contain their excitement about SOPHIE.

Despite the crippling anxiety having affected me so severely at that point, I intervened and expressed my admiration for everything SOPHIE. I felt blessed attending a sixth form alongside gay, non binary, trans classmates who took pride in their identity and sexuality. It put my mind at ease being surrounded in a more progressive environment compared to the intolerant ambience pervading my village in Switzerland. SOPHIE’s music had connected me with such a progressive, solicitous and just simply amazing group of friends. They agreed with me that SOPHIE’s courageous move will impact the music world in such a striking manner and encourage more LGBT people to pursue their goals no matter how extravagant, especially an acclaimed music producer igniting the music industry like SOPHIE. Then all of a sudden they mentioned the track ‘Yeah Right’ and how it blew their mind away due to SOPHIE’s ‘badass as hell instrumentals.’ With all the shame in the world, I confessed I hadn’t heard it yet. Their facial expressions conveyed so much disappointment. One of my classmates quickly plugged their Bluetooth speaker into his laptop and then pressed the play button. From a personal perspective, ‘Yeah Right’ featuring Vince Staples and Kendrick Lamar perfectly stands out to me despite SOPHIE’s extensive and majestic discography to her name.

I contemplate the masterpiece as a pivotal moment in rap music history. Even during 2017, Sophie began exhibiting red lipstick, latex gloves, tight clothing corresponding to a more feminine image which totally distances from the aggressively macho image attached to the rap industry. From the moment Vince Staples commences with his lyrically cutting verses to Kendrick Lamar proceeding with his gripping and more than memorable cameo - I realised that a 3 minute long but significant moment music history in general simply named ‘Yeah Right’, had occurred. Her production on the track astonishes me due to its avant grade and timeless edge. To me, it is a masterpiece that echoes the the extremely distant future of music. I reckon we’ll be dancing to ‘Yeah Right’ at the club in 2137. For 4 consecutive years, ‘Yeah Right’ has been reigning champion of most listened to song on my Spotify account and can express with all certainty... it’s my all time favourite song. In all honesty, it cured me of my severe feelings of apprehension and anxiety at Sixth Form.

After regaining my confidence and FINALLY passing the dreaded driving test - after failing three times in a row - the first song I blasted on my speakers in my cheap, run down car was ‘Yeah Right’ and rather fittingly, Sophie’s live version of the officially unreleased ‘Burn Rubber’ whilst driving to university I was about to attend. I genuinely cried all the lyrics to the song whilst driving on the mundane roads of Southern England and FINALLY felt like a free, independent adult. Even during brief chapters of my life such as passing my driving test, SOPHIE made a crucial and ravishing appearance.

The last three years of my life have played out in a rather turbulent style. Towards the middle of 2018, the year unravelled in a fashion that I certainly hadn’t anticipated. I’ll summarise it to the best of my ability even thought it is extremely difficult to. My longtime best friend, the closest person to me, sadly died to long term chronic illness. I couldn’t articulate my utter grief into words and sadly still struggle to this day. It was a sudden blow to the heart which couldn’t be paralleled to anything else I’ve felt in my short lifetime. A month prior to her untimely passing, SOPHIE had released her acclaimed, gallant debut album ‘Oil Of Every Person’s Un Insides.’ Although OOEPUI is a extravagant, historic work of art, I shall describe how the tracks ‘Is it Cold In the Water’ and ‘Faceshopping’ impacted me.

I perceive ‘Is It Cold In The Water? as a hauntingly riveting piece of music, with vocals sung Cecile Believe that send shivers down my spine. The lyrics ‘Earth shaking, I feel alone’ encapsulated on a personal level how I couldn’t envision an existence without my best friend by my side mocking my naturally deep, monotone voice, her showing me a piece of clothing she had just designed herself as she was an aspiring designer and hurting with laughter whilst impersonating certain celebrities. My raging anger against the world intensified. I placed my formerly devoted belief in a higher existence under the microscope - a belief system that I unfortunately haven’t revisited ever since. ,Is It cold in the water’ epitomises the dilemma and hardship of entering unknown depths without any inkling of what overcoming the ‘cold water’ and how its aftermath would materialise, metaphorically speaking. I realised I had to place my feet in the cold water in order to heal and adjust to coping with my best friend’s death despite how petrifying the concept as such seemed at the time.

And then there’s the outstanding ‘Faceshopping.’ I’ll confess... when I originally listened to this track, I was rather, dare I say, baffled afterwards. The experimentally electronic provided by Sophie galvanised me as usual. However, as a cisgender woman who has dated men right up to the present moment, I was initially under the very ill informed assumption that I couldn’t identify with a lot of the album’s content produced by an trans woman. That display of shambolic ignorance was quickly put to rest when I analysed the lyrics of ‘Faceshopping’ with an open eye. It clicked that the song could symbolise more than one meaning. It examines the age of the internet and the lengths modern day go to in order to pass as beautiful, especially in the name of personal branding. Furthermore, the powerful track demonstrates SOPHIE’s mesmerisingly fervent opposition against what traditional values regard as beauty which is unquestionably ingenious. I feel the lyric ‘My shop is the face I front’ denotes a person’s individual freedom of complementing their psychical appearance - whether through simply makeup or plastic surgery - and evolving their true gender identity shouldn’t be shunned. As someone who has been extremely self conscious about my appearance since the tender age of 12 caused by several factors eg bullying at school, ‘Faceshopping’ uplifted my spirits and enlightened me that no influence other than my personal self shall control how I beautify my own body.

Skipping to 2020, the world has been transformed to a severe extent due to the Coronavirus infecting and heartbreakingly taking millions of people’s lives. With this almost dystopian nightmare occurring, I felt extremely poorly - physically speaking - which had been affecting me since October of the same year. Ultimately I was rushed into hospital in December. After countless physical evaluations and days passing by whilst lying in a lonesome hospital bed, my doctor informed me that due to the severity of my current condition, the likelihood of permanent infertility is extremely high. The news put me into a state of shock. After my doctor left the room, the tears couldn’t stop streaming down my face. I had always envisioned raising my own children. Forgive me for the hyperbolic language but in that moment I felt defeated.

With the prospect of my womanhood being affected forever, I put my headphones to shut out the continuous ambulance sirens blaring outside. I pressed Shuffle Play on my SoundCloud and the first song that appeared was SOPHIE’s ‘Heav3n Suspended Livestream’ version of ‘My Forever’. Cecile Believe reiterating ‘Everbody’s got to own their body’ so ethereally, and the song as a whole proved to be therapeutic in the moment. After pressing the repeat button 20 times - at the very least - I had ANOTHER epiphany: no establishment should dictate what constitutes as femininity or womanhood. Even in the modern day society, childless people continue to be stigmatised, often branded as ‘selfish’ or ‘undesirable’ in many communities. I applaud the progress we’ve made in terms of tackling stereotypes associated with infertility. However, more work still needs to be carried out on this matter. Although it’s only my individual interpretation of the song given the circumstances of my poorly health at the time, the lyrics reassured me that everybody’s - without a doubt - GOT to own their body. Gosh that sounds so rhetorical!

After this pivotal awakening, I was rushed into surgery which lasted about two hours. The next day - feeling extremely lethargic - I woke up to the fantastic news that the doctors saved my physical health from infertility. I will always be so grateful for their treatment of me and my painful condition. Two weeks into recuperation post surgery, I had no choice but to exercise to boost my mental state caused by inactivity and to get my blood circulation going. As a lifelong, passionate dancer I conceptualised and performed a dance routine to SOPHIE’s club inspired, sublime ‘Take Me To Dubai’. - in front of my cracked bedroom mirror, ironically. Still, dancing again and no physical illness bringing me down felt like a individual rebirth. I was anticipating how 2021 would spell out for me - despite Covid 19 still permeating globally. 2021 finally arrived and not even a full month into the ‘glorious new year’, SOPHIE died.

I recall waking up to numerous messages and notifications capitalising the words: SOPHIE HAS DIED!’. In all honesty ... I froze. It didn’t register for about an hour. Afterwards, I couldn’t disguise the heartbreak and shock that SOPHIE was no longer with us - especially given the cause of her death. It’s been two weeks and I’ll acknowledge that I haven’t overcome the sentiment of anger and upset yet because of her untimely passing .The soundtrack to my existence is gone.

Whether SOPHIE’s musical stylings resonate with you or not, you can’t underestimate her fearless disposition and overwhelming talent. She inspired so many fans to embrace their true identity even when their environment was striving to silence them. She challenged our establishment’s shallow interpretation of beauty, gender and identity. Despite coming out as an trans woman and transphobia still being prevalent globally, SOPHIE didn’t let this form of prejudice stand in her way of achieving her dreams. Her revolutionary mark she left on the industry shall never be underemphasised by so many of us.

SOPHIE,

Thank you for everything. I will never ever forget you,

ROBS.

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rotttnapple · 5 years

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let's talk about Cain:

Cain is, among other things: homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic, racist, aggressive, and highly possessive. He's a great big asshole manbaby, in short, and absolutely deserves a swift kick in the nuts at all times.

but Ed!! you're saying, aren't you trans? Aren't you a big gay?? yes, yes I am, which may make it seem odd that I would actively write and develop a human trashcan like Cain Harris

But two things that really gets my giddie going are human behavior and, lord save my soul, redemption arcs. Cain (along with baby brother Charley) was born into a very religious household, and not the 'accepting' or 'progressive' sort, more or less the kind that would have happily burned a woman at the stake on the off chance that she might be a witch.

Cain was always the Holy Son to Elijah Harris, the heir to the throne, the one who could Do No Wrong. Cain, essentially, grew up on the knee of his father, whereas Charley was more of a 'momma's boy'. This is really the key of what makes these two brothers so different from each other. Part of it also has to do with their inherent nature, essentially their inborn personalities, but much of it has to do with how they were nurtured throughout their respective childhoods.

If you were to take these two and put them in a more normal household, not the witch burning sort, Cain most certainly would have grown up to be a reserved, quiet man, and his brother more outgoing and bubbly. Cain would certainly possess some of the dumb shit views he has today (there's a 'man' and a 'woman' in a homosexual relationship, for instance), but he wouldn't be hateful or harmful, just uneducated, but accepting, and typical of someone who has over time absorbed dumb shit misinformation that has unfortunately spread. He would also be very willing to listen to proper information and change these views accordingly. He would have also very likely come to accept and understand his own homosexuality far sooner in life.

Instead, before he was even old enough to understand he was taught that homosexuals are 'sinful' and 'broken', transgenders are outright freaks of nature, extremely wrong and extremely bad things. He was raised on the knee of a man staunch in his (many, and disgusting) views that a woman's duty in life is to produce children, cook, clean, and shut up. He was taught that it is a husband's duty to 'correct' a willful wife - Cain and Charley's mother, Catherine, was a far different woman before her husband's iron fist.

But ED!!! You're yelling now, you're making it sound like these behaviors should be excused!!

Absolutely not. Such behaviors - products of nurture, should not, and should never be excused, as they are absolutely inexcusable. They may not be products of nature - who one essentially Is - but they should also not be allowed to continue. To carry on being an actual walking turd is just unacceptable, and Cain has been that person for a very long time.

But the difference between Cain Harris and his father Elijah Harris is his willingness to change, his willingness to learn.

As Cain has grown and developed as a character he has come to accept his own homosexuality, something he took and buried deep, deep down inside of himself. His excuse for not 'finding a wife' and 'settling down' is that he hadn't found the 'right girl' - he hadn't found the white, meek and mild Catholic girl of his father's ugly dreams. As he has grown, he has fallen in love with an incredibly willful man of color, Dorian Pavus, who does not, under any circumstances, allow his backwards bullshit to carry on.

Cain has, slowly but surely, come out of the flaming shitcan he has been rolling around in for most of his life and that is why I write him.

Cain will never be a kawaii!!! uwu sweet baby, his history will never change, will never be excused, but he himself is changing, he is trying, and it is very interesting to write. He is fiction, but with a base in very real humanity. I never expected him to engage in the arc he has but I have to admit, it's great. It gives me some hope in a small way that people in real life have the potential for change themselves.

Next time I'll talk about how his relationship with Dorian has brought out things of his nature, because honestly that man is what he's needed since forever.

#;cain #character development #tw: homophobia #tw: transphobia #shit views in general #its like hes finally learning how to be an adult #actual trash baby cain harris #his relationship with dorian has done so much for who he is #he loves dorian so deeply and it challenges everything he was raised to believe #his views of dorian at times are unhealthy (i.e dorian can literally do no wrong) but he'll never be perfect either #hi my name is ed and i write some weird shit sometimes #hit me up if you wanna fite in the parking lot of Denny's

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lanx-reads · 6 years

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Nostalgic Review: Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

Final Rating: ****/***** or 8/10

The undead can really screw up your senior year ...

Marrying a vampire definitely doesn’t fit into Jessica Packwood’s senior year “get-a-life” plan. But then a bizarre (and incredibly hot) new exchange student named Lucius Vladescu shows up, claiming that Jessica is a Romanian vampire princess by birth—and he’s her long-lost fiancé. Armed with newfound confidence and a copy of Growing Up Undead: A Teen Vampire’s Guide to Dating, Health, and Emotions, Jessica makes a dramatic transition from average American teenager to glam European vampire princess. But when a devious cheerleader sets her sights on Lucius, Jess finds herself fighting to win back her wayward prince, stop a global vampire war—and save Lucius’s soul from eternal destruction.

So I read Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side by Beth Fantaskey a long time ago and remembered really liking it. I decided to reread it and see if it was as good as I remember it being.

Believe it or not, it actually was! For what this book is, it’s pretty good. In fact, I would say that this book is basically what YA paranormal romances should be quality-wise rather than the stereotypical standard we get! I feel if I had read more paranormal YA books that were of this standard rather than the poor standard I read, this book would be more of a three star read, but I digress.

The book is fluffy for the most part, though dives down and deals with some interesting issues. Jessica learns that sometimes, life isn’t always so black and white, true and untrue, while Lucius deals with what having freedom means. It’s actually quite interesting, especially the latter, as it’s an issue I don’t usually see tackled in books like this.

This book is a romance and it treats itself as such. The plot is about the romance, the characters, their interactions, and how they grow as people and for the most part, the character development is really good, especially Jessica’s. Lucius’ development isn’t quite as smooth as her’s, but it’s not bad per se.

Though this book has a sequel, it works 100% fine as a stand-alone novel. Both Jessica and Lucius are decently fleshed out characters and both kinda stand out from other YA main characters as well. Jessica’s parents are also amazing characters and I enjoyed reading a YA book of all things where the parents are important characters and know what’s going on as well.

The romance is also well done. It’s cute, fluffy but doesn’t rot your teeth out, and is also slow burn. Very slow burn. There’s actually quite a bit of angst in this book after all the fluff. As someone who adores slow burn romances with balanced angst and fluff, I really enjoyed these aspects.

The vampire lore isn’t the most developed, but it’s interesting enough and enough thought was put in it to carry the non-romance plot of the book.

The writing is serviceable. The book is in first person POV, but that’s a standard here. The writing isn’t utterly amazing by any means, but it’s not bad either. It’s quite average all things considered.

The side characters aren’t quite as good as they could’ve been. Mindy, the best friend, was pretty typical and not that interesting to me. Faith, the slutty cheerleader archetype, was a bit of a disappointment and a bit of a lackluster villain. However, when I was reading this book, I read it less of Faith being a direct villain and more of a symbol of Lucius losing his grasp on himself as he greedily gave into his newfound freedom. Faith was still not a good villain though as she was just a stereotypical slutty cheerleader.

Another portion of the book I liked was the fact that Jessica wasn’t super skinny. She was described as a dress size of 10, which isn’t fat per se, but the book made it clear she wasn’t super thin or conventionally attractive, which was nice. However, in doing so, it did put down size 0 girls and super thin girls. Considering it was from Jessica’s POV, it wasn’t a surprise, but it’s still body shaming that wasn’t addressed much.

Likewise, there was some implied homophobia and transphobia. Mainly from Lucius, who grew up in a conservative household, who made the implication that women and men had to marry and that all women and men were cis. It’s nothing super noticeable and I don’t think anyone who reads it would notice unless they are sensitive to those sorts of things or are practiced in pointing it out. Honestly, even calling what was said (through dialogue, not narration, tho the narration did not challenge the ideas) homophobic and transphobic a little too far. It’s more assumptions of straightness and cisness rather than anything actually malicious. Personally, it didn’t bother me too much besides the initial catching of it.

Besides all that, I really did enjoy this book. It was a nice and light read that made me feel kinda warm and fluffy (for the most part!) and was just an entertaining read. If you wanna read something cute, entertaining, with some vampires, then I recommend picking up Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side.

****/***** or 8/10

#book review #bookblr #jessica's guide to dating on the dark side #4 star review #paranormal romance #My Book Reviews #long post

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nobimaru · 7 years

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Honestly right now in Australia it's hard being a gay man, I feel nervous at work whenever a talk of the plebiscite comes across the radio I think "God I hope someone doesn't speak up and say they're voting no" I hate seeing no voters justify their bigotry on social media. It makes me sick to my stomach and scared to see straight people, friends, family talking about how it's not important or how no voters need a vote too.

My uncle who is so incredibly important to me talked about how the environment because of this vote is reminding him of growing up in the 80s and 90s as a young gay man.

This is probably all jumbled and lost but this is so hard to see. For some people it's nothing but for us it's our lives it's people getting the opportunity to proudly say "I don't respect you. I don't believe you deserve the same rights as me" and it's so hard because you don't know who around you is thinking that.

And I grew up in a homophobic household hearing horrible things but I know so many people who have had it worse than I have and I fear for them, I fear for the memories it will bring up, I fear for the message it will give to young children struggling with their sexuality and I fear for the message it will give to homophobes.

This may seem dramatic but I used to be proud to be Australian and now... I'm not so sure.

Australians please vote yes please send those in as soon as possible. I don't even know if this will lead anywhere in the end this plebiscite could be meaningless but please, please don't let that thought stop you from participating.

#marriage equality #australia #plebiscite #im sorry for this jumbled mess but i just have to get the words out

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wittygaypuns · 7 years

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I've been debating my sexuality with myself since I was 12 and I recently got to the conclusion that I like girls (the rest is unsure) I told my mom yesterday and she said she just wants me to be happy, but now I'm scared of how she might see me now. I'm scared I was only telling myself I like girls even though there's a lot of evidence. Talking to my mom also gave me the impression I don't like boys at all and now I'm having a major indentity crisis, even though I never bothered. Can you help?

Anon, what you’re going through is something that, despite what Tumblr would have you believe, is very normal for the young and queer. First, let me congratulate you on being open with your mother. It’s a big step, and often terrifying because you can truly never know how a parent will react until the moment of.

Now, as to your feelings/worry about your sexuality and the worry that it’s genuine... I know exactly how you feel. I wasn’t always secure and happy in my sexuality. When I was young, probably 16/17 and younger, it was a huge source of strife for me despite the confidence I forced myself to carry after coming out at 13 to friends and 15 to family. Over the years, I’ve pinpointed it in myself as an unhealthy amount of internalized misogyny/homophobia. I grew up in a big household with a lot of brothers, and though my mother was always the rock of my family, between my upbringing shunning “girly” things and the knowledge deep down that I was gay, I made sure to distance myself from anything remotely feminine. This was partly personal preference, but I understand now that I always felt like it made me lesser to be perceived as female. I grew up right after the AIDS crisis had begun to settle and way before gay marriage was even being brought to the courts. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell still forced gay servicemen and women into the closet to avoid being discharged. Shit, even Ellen was canned from her own show when she came out publicly as a lesbian. There was practically no positive representation in popular media that wasn’t based largely on subtext.

I remember how horrified I felt when I first realized I was attracted to girls. At the beginning, I said I was bisexual to avoid the idea of being fully gay and tried to shove myself into a “relationship” (I was 13, barely counts, and we never dated anyway) with the boy I had a ‘crush’ on (who, looking back, was about as feminine as they came). I got angry at my best friends for suggesting I was a lesbian even though I was slowly realizing that it was true, because growing up people would call me a little dyke because I so hated the notion of being equated with weakness that I played baseball for years. I wouldn’t play softball because that was for girls and I didn’t want to associate with them. I wanted people to think I was strong, like my brothers, but also that I was straight because girls were terrible. I pretended to like the boy bands that were popular to avoid people thinking I liked girls. I didn’t want to be different, which is what being queer is. I equated being gay to being ostracized, not to being proud. I equated it to being disowned because my father was in school to become a pastor because I believed, wrongly, that all religious people hated the LBGTQ.

Through time, a lot of self-hatred/self-reflection, I began to accept that I was a lesbian. But I wasn’t proud of it. I often talked about how I would rather be straight even though my friends were supportive and many would willingly get into a fight if someone insulted me for my sexuality. I still didn’t want my sexuality to be ‘all I was’ even though it’s an integral part of who I am. I would tell people I didn’t want to be wear flannels and shit because apparently, to young Witty, being “butch” was just *terrible*. I wanted to distance myself from my sexuality. Being a teenager fucking sucked and I don’t miss it a bit.

The self-doubt stayed with me for a long time, longer than I care to admit. I would think to myself that maybe I just think I’m a lesbian because as many homophobes would say, “maybe I just hadn’t met the right guy”. Once in a blue moon I find a man to be physically appealing, so I took that as evidence of my latent heterosexuality and would think that maybe all of my earlier suffering about my sexuality was all a lie, that I was just pretending to be gay because I didn’t want to be perceived as feminine because that meant I was weak. I would think that maybe I would be happier if I just dated a guy because then I would fit in, then I wouldn’t be different, I wouldn’t have to struggle and be a second class citizen that, at the time, wasn’t allowed the same rights based solely on the basis of attraction and gender.

It took me a long time to accept myself, and I don’t often talk about it, but I think it’s important that it be said. Society makes it incredibly easy to doubt yourself, especially as a teen, and when you’re young and queer it can seem like the entire world wants you to suffer for it.

Anon, I will tell you this; it’s okay. It’s okay to be fearful, it’s okay to question yourself, but try to dig a little deeper and see where those feelings are coming from. Make sure you aren’t just trying to make others happy by thinking you’re attracted to guys if you aren’t. Your happiness is of the utmost importance, because at the end of the day, you go to sleep being yourself, and wake up being yourself. That will not change; you’re stuck being yourself, so be the best you you can be. If that involves only wanting to be with women, then that’s perfectly okay. Women are wonderful. They aren’t weak, they aren’t lesser. And wanting to be with one doesn’t mean that you hate men, because despite some facets of tumblr culture, gayness doesn’t have shit to do with hate.

As for your mother... You’re still her child, aren’t you? She said she wanted you to be happy. Do yourself a favor and believe her. She wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true. Maybe your sexuality will take her some time to get used to because it does mean that your life will be a bit more complicated, but that is something she will have to deal with on her own. It isn’t up to you to make her happy. If she is a good mother, your happiness and your health is her goal. Do your best to believe that she’s being honest and that she wants you to be happy. Don’t assume she’s lying in order to force heteronormativity on yourself, because that will hurt you both.

Sorry this was so long and anecdotal, but it’s a subject I feel very strongly about. Feel free to send me more messages, okay? I’m always around.

#long post #anonymous #sexuality

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sociologyscholars14-blog · 7 years

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A Blog About Us

Hello, we are the SociologyScholars14. Welcome to our fabulous blogs about sociology! We will be introducing ourselves and telling you a little about our background. Our group includes the fabulous scholars: Aquarius Ross, Elise Ivory, and Lauren Leyes. Aquarius Ross is a 19 year old black female from the Eastern Shore of Virginia. Elise Ivory is a 19 year old white female from Fredericksburg, Va. Last but not least, Lauren Leyes is a 19 year old white female from Springfield, Va. Elise is a Sociology major with a concentration in Criminology with a minor in Leadership Studies, Lauren studies Anthropology with a minor in Asian Studies, and Aquarius Ross is an Accounting major with minors in Leadership Studies and African-American Studies.

Aquarius interests include watching Hallmark movies and tv-shows, planning extravagant events for her friends, and dancing for fun. Elise is an avid reader, netflix binger, and if forced outside, a competitive swimmer. She enjoys volunteering at the Newport News SPCA, where she can play with dogs and pretend she doesn’t have any papers due. Lauren is an incredible manga and anime fan, current Treasurer and future President of the CNU Anime Club. She also loves cats way too much. She likes languages, especially east Asian ones, and is currently learning Chinese and Japanese. She loves listening to vocaloid music of any language, but especially enjoys Japanese, because Japanese is the coolest. Lauren’s other interests include Scottish dancing and playing cello in the school orchestra.

Now that you know are backgrounds and interests, we are going to analyze that information to determine how our demographics affect our understanding three topics: Social Stratification and Inequality; Race and Ethnicity; and Gender, Sex, and Sexuality.

Lauren’s Perspective:

Being a white girl and an only child with fairly well-off middle-class parents, issues and ideas surrounding race and ethnicity have always been somewhat filtered by my environment, if they even reached me at all. I went to an elementary school with other kids who were white, black, latino, Christian, Jewish-- they came from all kinds of ethnic, racial and religious backgrounds. Combined with the fact that I didn’t belong to any minority cultural or racial group, I never really encountered the kinds of problems that people who belonged to them might face. I’m still learning about how different other people’s lives can be from mine simply because they’re of another race, and as such my perspective is bound to be limited by this lack of knowledge.

As for gender, sex, and sexuality, I’m far more self-educated, if not backed up by personal experience. I learned a lot about sexuality through educational posts and a community of diverse and accepting people on Tumblr, the blog website this assignment is on. I myself am straight and cissexual, but I have friends of many different sexualities, and Tumblr was a great platform for learning about others’ experiences. I’m not completely enlightened-- I admit it struck me as an “of course why did I never think of that” moment when Professor Orr talked about trying to buy wedding toppers for a non-straight couple-- but I have learned a lot. I try to be open-minded and thoughtful when considering topics of gender and sexuality.

Social Stratification is something that I have only experienced in interactions with other people, and even then not very often. I have spent most of my life around people in the same social class as my own, and only when I entered college did that really change. I met people who had to take out student loans because their parents didn’t save a college fund for them, those who got through on scholarships, and one guy who was quite wealthy. However, even with these relationships, my perspective on social class is inevitably going to be colored by my experiences in my own social class.

Aquarius’s Perspective:

Based on my upbringing and social milieu, my perspectives on the three topics we wrote about (Social Stratification and Inequality; Race and Ethnicity; and Gender, Sex and Sexuality) differs from the perspectives of Lauren and Elise. I am a young, extremely lower middle class, black woman who was raised in a small rural area in the South. By experiencing inequality; class, gender, and racial, I am able to understand what is taught to us in Sociology through unfortunate personal experiences. When it comes to Social Stratification, I am able to recognize that no matter how hard we may try, it will be difficult to change a system that has been in placed for centuries. In my hometown, there are not many jobs or careers available for people of the lower class. However, you can tell who has the most wealth and/or income by the cars they drive and the near mansions that they reside in. When I came to CNU, I was in awe at my fellow colleagues who were extremely well off and did not have to face similar struggles like I did from a very young age. I find it interesting and quite annoying that some of my colleagues are able to obtain opportunities due to their social class that is basically passed down from their parents. Often times those colleagues do not put in the amount of work I have to just to even be acknowledged for those same opportunities. I’ve noticed that when it comes to being a person of color it is not uncommon for someone to experience the many consequences of systematic oppression. Some of the many consequences poverty, minimum education, and even black being labeled as criminals. I find it interesting that many young black kids, especially ones that grow up around white kids, often have times have issues with accepting that they are black. I experienced this when I was constantly bullied for my hair or when I was told that I wasn’t black because I spoke proper and liked country music. So instead of just being myself, I began to say that I wasn’t black; that I was a black white girl. This occurred up until high school when I realized who I really am and began to accept that. In my high school, people were very open about sexuality. Often times I would complain about being a black female in the United States; however, I never thought about my friends that were not able to be open about who they love with their parents. So I made sure that I was always there for my friends who were going through being open about who they are.

Elise’s Perspective:

As a white, upper-middle-class, private school educated female, I am well aware that I have a very filtered experience with our chosen topics of Social Stratification, Race and Ethnicity, and Gender, Sex and Sexuality. In regards towards Gender, Sex, and Sexuality; I had the unfortunate experience of being educated on these topics by a very bigoted and hateful Sex ED high school teacher. He had decided to pervert Catholic teachings on these issues to fit his own homophobic views. In an attempt to combat this unfortunate experience, I strove to educate myself through social media, other online forums, as well as being open to listening to the fears of one of my friends who was “closeted” because she was afraid of her parents reaction. I really strive to keep an open mind, but am aware that I am slightly biased based towards a heteronormative view point due to my upbringing, since my entire family (to the best of my knowledge) are straight individuals.

Race and Ethnicity: all of my school systems have been primarily white, however the students who belonged to minority groups were never treated that way. Therefore, I am very aware of my lack of knowledge of the divides and struggles of the modern day race and ethnicity issues; besides the fluff taught in high school ethic classes.

Social Stratification: I grew up with a friend group who was primarily all part of the same middle class group. We all worked during the summers, and are paying our own way through college. We grew up hanging out while helping each other babysit, and completing school assignments together. My experience of growing up in a household, and being surrounded by households which were able to maintain middle class standing while supporting 9 kids has definitely clouded my understanding of social stratification.

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