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soobinpls · 5 years

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highschool!jeno

repost !! if you’re reading this and think it seems familiar that's because you’ve already read it <3

word count: 7.1k

a/n: this gif is so god damn CUTE im losing it anyways we’re breaking this accs fic virginity with one of my favs <333

warnings: underage drinking, some k*sses

lets start on the first day of school back from winter break

it’s cold as h*ck outside and you didn’t wear enough layers because ya know how cold could it be ??

the answer is: VERY COLD

you pull up to school and park next to donghyuck and immediately launch yourself into his car

it has seat warmers and you’re tryna get IN on that action

you’ve been friends with donghyuck and renjun since kindergarten when i tell you these boys have seen you at your WORST

you’ve recently adopted chenle as the youngest member of the Crew since he hates everyone in his grade lmao

prince chenle please have mercy on the plebeians :(((

anyways you’re in hyuckie’s car and shivering and he doesn’t even flinch when you get in bc this is a common occurrence

and then, like clockwork, renjun catapults into the backseat followed by chenle and they start shivering too

basically everyone is cold except donghyuck and he looks SMUG

and then chenle is like u guys !!! my bestie jisung says there’s a new kid today !!!! let’s befriend him !!!!!!!!!!!!

and you’re all like , who the hell is jisung

chenle explains in great detail how him and jisung both share a love for making fun of jisung’s senior friend, mark, and that they are now Best Friends Forever

renjun is lowkey insulted that his Son didn’t tell him but it’s okay

anyways you tell him to invite his other friends + new kid to come sit with you guys at lunch if it’s That Deep and chenle squeals and bounces in his seat

absolute Baby Boy

before you go inside you sprint across the lot to fling yourself into lucas’s car and beg him for a sweater since you know he leaves like 5 Big Ones in his car at all times

lucas is sort of the Big Irresponsible Brother of the group and he isn’t as close with y’all but he’ll come hang out and make terrible jokes and laugh really hard at them

and he’s very weirdly protective over you guys ?? like he’s a goofy boy but if someone looks at one of you wrong ???

he’s suddenly a Big Man On The Block and he’ll look all intimidating and scary

u know he could do it if he really wanted to

he puts up a valiant effort to ignore you since he knows it takes WEEKS for the sweater to be returned

but you pout and latch on to his arm and he sighs and shakes you off and goes uGH fine

you smile and thank him and call him lukie and he lunges for you as you yeet out of the car with sweater in hand

you squeak when you almost run face first into lucas’s friend mark’s shoulder during your Big Escape

you’ve always,,,, lowkey thought he was cute but he’s also older than you and Out Of Your League so :/

also your only connection is thru lucas and that’s a slippery slope my g

you’re still friendly though so he when he makes a surprised face you both giggle and then wave as you head to school and he opens the door to ask lucas if he’s finished their partner powerpoint

lucas has not

obviously

you vaguely know the boys in lucas’s friend group but all you really know about jisung is through chenle and you know next to nothing about jaemin other than he’s pretty

because,,,,, everyone knows that

okay so you head to first period and unfortunately you don’t have that class with any of your Buddies

you go in and take your usual seat by the window since history is a whole snooze fest and you like to watch the clouds outside

you like the teacher though so you take it every year anyways

you’re curled up in the seat since you’re still cold and your chin rests on your knees as you count how many birds are in a flock that’s circling around

and then you hear the quiet murmuring of the class raise to more of a commotion and bring your attention back to the indoors

the teacher, Mr.Choi, has just led in a new boy and

holy shit he is beautIFUL

he’s a few inches taller than you and has a somewhat athletic build

and those are nice and all but your favorite thing has got to be his smile

his whole face seems to emit sunshine when he smiles , albeit nervously

and his eyes turn up into little half moons even while he flicks a piece of dark hair out of his eyes

uwu such a CUTIE

mr.choi introduces him to the class and his name is lee jeno !!!

you’re still curled up as his eyes start to scan the room and they fall on you

his lips quirk a little in what you assume is amusement at your position and ridiculously oversized sweater

you blush and try to quickly change position to sit like a Normal Good Student

but end up banging your knee on the desk and cursing under your breath and turning even more red

he ducks his head bashfully and then makes his way to his seat which is ,,,, the one next to you

NICE ONE M8

everyone starts getting their stuff out and jeno leans over and whispers to ask if your knee is okay

such a sweet boy :(

you can barely look at him when you nod and he smiles again and you almost mELT INTO A PUDDLE

he goes back to his supplies and you both wait for the teacher to start the lesson

you try to focus you really do but your head wanders off and soon you’re daydreaming of bouncing on clouds and being able to speak to animals and other impossible things

you jump when jeno taps you on the shoulder

“hey? um the bell rang ,,,, and also i think you um missed the notes so if you want a picture of mine you can have one”

“oh my goHSH i’m so sorry i’ve really gotta stop doing that thank you so much !”

you snap a quick picture of his notes and thank him again before rushing off to your next class

about 5 steps out the door you hear jeno stumble out behind you

“wait ! you never told me your name !! ......and also i don’t know where my next class is”

your lips press together to keep from giggling so that he doesn’t think you’re making fun of him

you hold out your hand for his schedule and tell him your name

bUT he thinks you’re going for a handshake so he grasps your hand with his large and calloused one

you sQUEAK ALOUD

and he whips his hand back in fear that he’s hurt you or something

“oh um ? oh my god i’m sorry did i hurt you ???”

“no !!! i was just surprised ??!:&;&”

“that i , shook your hand ?”

“i mean i was holding it out for your schedule”

“oh . yikes”

“it’s okay though ! i shouldn’t have been surprised shaking hands is a uh normal thing isn’t it”

“yeah ,,, haha”

and then the late bell rings and you both jump

you pluck his schedule off the ground where he had previously dropped it in his haste to pull his hand from yours

you unthinkingly grab his wrist and pull him in the direction of his next class and practically push him into the classroom before rushing to your class

your math teacher is Strict and will def be getting onto you for being late :/

the rest of the day passes normally except your usual daydreams are interrupted by one Soft Boy

it’s finally fINALLY time for lunch though thank you god

you meet donghyuck and renjun at your usual spot outside

you guys pretty much sit out there every single day no matter the weather unless there’s like monsoon or smth

you squish up close to hyuck and try to get warm while you wait for chenle and apparently all of his friends that he’s bringing

soon enough, you spot him excitedly dragging a fond looking jisung followed by lucas and mark who are even fonder looking

just behind them is jaemin who is cracking a joke to none other than the New Boy

you panic. because oh no you definitely uhh embarrassed yourself earlier ????

but it’s too late to back out now

just to be sure though you straighten up so you’re not too close to hyuck

cANT HAVE HIM THINKING YOURE NOt COMPLETELY SINGLE AND AVAILABLE

chenle and jisung plop down across from renjun and lucas swings a leg over the bench so his back faces you and then leans all his weight on you

“ouch you OAF get off of me you’re like a million pounds”

“a million pounds of pure muscle baby hell ye”

mark smacks the leg on the outside of the bench so he’ll sit normally and sits on his other side after giving you a wave

jaemin hooks his arm around jeno and proudly introduces him to the group

jeno smiles his smile , y’all know the one

and he waves

when he catches your eye though his smile somehow gets even brighter

“oh y/n ! hey !!! did you make it to second period okay ?”

“oh um yeah? i mean i was late and mrs.park gave me an extra homework assignment but it’s fine”

“oh gOD i’m so sorry do you want me to do it for you ?? i feel so bad”

“no no it’s fine i need the practice it’s okay really”

and then you both pause and realize everyone is staring at you

yikes

jeno explains how you two already met that morning and the boys seem appeased even though donghyuck eyes you slyly

he mouths that you’ll be discussing this with him later rip you

jeno ends up sitting across from you and you do your best not to stare at him but he’s in your diRECT line of sight

you have a habit of absentmindedly kicking your feet and just moving them around and you accidentally brush his shins and ankles multiple times

he waves you off everytime you apologize

the whole of lunch is spent basically merging the two groups

everyone settles into their roles pretty easily and you wonder why there are literally no other females except you

but then you realize why when lucas starts attempting to burp the abc’s and almost barfs :))))))))))

you whine and cover your eyes because like other people barfing makes yOU feel sick and then everyone is sick and that is Not Good

you push yourself as close to donghyuck and as far away from him as possible as everyone goes NO NO STOP NO

he stops when everyone starts yelling at him lmao

once he stops and you peek an eye open you smack him and huff and kick your legs out, hitting jeno’s shins once again

“jesus y/n he just got here and you’re already bruISING HIM”

“ IM SORRY ITS A BAD HABIT DJFJ”

jeno just reaches across the table and pats your forearm and tells you not to worry about it

“i play soccer you guys my shins are made of STEEL”

okay also there goes your last shred of self restraint soccer players are everyone’s weakness and you cANT TELL ME OTHERWISE

also he just ???? patted your forearm like it was nothing this boy is just asking for it isn’t he

the rest of the day passes pretty quickly and throughout the week you get back into the swing of things at school

jeno has literature with you later in the day and sits by you and giggles while you tell him about how much the teacher looks like sully from monsters ink

to be fair the guy is a gentle giant but he’s really large and rather hairy so

what did he expect

jeno seamlessly fits in with your group of friends it’s almost like he was always there

a lot of the boys sometimes forget he wasn’t n they’re like hEY remember when-

and he’s like uh no i do not lol

unfortunately jeno arrived too late to join the soccer team with mark and jaemin bUT that doesn’t stop him from joining you all in going to support them

every week the whole lot of you either attend the home game or follow the team bus to wherever the away game is

usually you have to split between 2 cars since even without mark and jaemin there’s 7 of you

and no one owns a minivan or would like to so

usually renjun and lucas drive

lucas, contrary to popular belief, is actually a really good driver as long as chenle is not in the car

the two of them are entirely too excitable to be in a confined space together

during one of the last games of the season it’s really REALLY cold

you rode with lucas and donghyuck called shotgun so you and jeno sat in the back and renjun brought chenle and jisung

on the way there your nose was running just a tad so you were sniffling every once in awhile

jeno kept offering you his gloves and hand warmers but you insisted you were fine and that this happens every year when it gets cold at soccer games

you don’t protest though when you arrive and he wordlessly removes his beanie and pulls it down over your head, making sure your ears are covered

your cheeks turn as red as the tip of your nose and now you’re not so sure you needed the extra warmth at all

he blushes a little too and quickly scurries away to the bleachers ejjdj

you stack your arms high with blankets from the trunk to sit on and wrap yourselves in

cold metal bleachers are no bueno

you wobble up the steps as chenle and jisung bound ahead of you and lucas walks behind you to make sure you don’t trip and die

he’s caring when he wants to be uwu

jeno takes some off your pile when you get to the spot he reserved for the Gang and spreads them across the seats

you distribute the rest amongst you and huddle together for warmth while you wait for the game to start

donghyuck is seen silently threatening chenle and jisung with his eyes when they move to sit on either side of you and then sending a sugary sweet smile to jeno and beckoning him to sit next to you

chenle and jisung squish together on your other side and lucas sits between renjun and chenle,,,, theyre lowkey his favorites

donghyuck pouts about sitting on the edge but is appeased when mark and jaemin come out onto the field and mark waves and blows him a kiss

boy turned redder than his hair but didn’t miss the chance to catch the air kiss and smack it onto his cheek

jeno has left a few inches of space between you as a Common Courtesy i guess but really no one would mind if he just ,,, scooched on over

as the game progresses the both of you lose the tension in your shoulders until eventually you’re pressed up against his side just as much as jisung is trying to leech warmth from your other side

everytime one of your buddies scores or assists or does literally anything you all simultaneously stand up and SCREAM

one of these times you stand up and open your mouth to scream only to sneeze violently lol

like the kind where you try to hold it back and it comes out as a squeak but the force shakes your body and you do a little jump

jeno stops cheering to place a hand on the middle of your back and stoops to meet your eyes

he asks if you’re okay through sporadic chuckles because it was kind of funny

and you nod and shove his shoulder and tell him to stop laughing >:(

you dramatically turn away from him and cross your arms and he laughs even harder

he circles his fingers around your wrist and pulls you to face him and his laughing is only renewed by the pout on your face

“aw cmon it was funny!!!”

“what if i’m DYING jeno ???”

“you aren’t though”

“how would yOU know >:(“

“it was one sneeze, sugar”

“don’t call me sugar when i’m trying to be mad”

“okay, sugar”

you smack his shoulder lightly and he bursts into laughter and swings his arm around you pulling you into his side

you blush but do your best not to stiffen and make the moment awkward

so instead you go limp and let your cheek squish against his leather jacket before he lets you go just in time for your whole group to sit down

would’ve been awkward if y’all were just embracing while everyone else was seated lmao

you spend the rest of the game trying to forget about how easily he pulled you into him and how you wouldn’t mind staying right there tucked under his arms with your sides pressed together

the both of you settle for just sitting close enough that the side of your thigh is pressed against his

when the game ends you all go out onto the field to congratulate mark and jaemin on the win !!

you hug them both even though jaemin tries to wipe his sweat on you that SHIT

he raises an eyebrow at the black beanie still tucked onto your head and right at that moment jeno reaches across your huddle of friends to tug it back down over the red tips of your ears

jaemin’s eyebrows raise even more at that and you just shrug and smile sheepishly

then everyone piles into their respective vehicles and sets off for home

it’s pretty late at night and screaming and shivering is rather energy draining

before you know it jeno has flopped over with his head in your lap and the rest of him stretched across the backseat as much as he can

you’re too sleepy and warmed up by both his actions and the car’s heating system to question it

so you just run your fingers through his hair

it’s unsurprisingly very soft and silky and he seems to enjoy your actions GREATLY

not long after you start his breaths even out and his hands come up to wrap around the part of your thigh just above your knee

he nuzzles the side of his face into your leg in his sleep and even Half Conscious Y/n is kind of shocked and blushy but continues to pet him

lucas eyes you both in the rear view mirror and smiles fondly oof

“is he cuddling your leg back there y/n?”

“yeah it’s okay though, it’s ,,,,,,,,, cute”

“isn’t it? he’s always been cuddly, almost like a cat”

you mumble a little yeah and return your attention to the sleeping boy in your lap

when you get home lucas drops you off last so as not to wake jeno too early

but eventually you gotta so you tug on his hair a little and poke his cheek but he only grips you tighter

“hey. jeno !!! kitty cat !!!!!!! wake UP !!!!!”

“you’re being too gentle he requires a Forceful Awakening”

and then lucas reaches back to pinch him hard or something but you wave your hands around and whisper shout nO

can’t hurt the bby :(

your last resort is pressing your cold hand that hadn’t been in his hair against his neck and he jolts and his eyes flick open

then his face scrunches and he shoos your hand away from him

“alright alrIGHT i’m up”

he sits up and looks absolutely fucking aDORABLE with his hair all fluffy and sticking up

his eyes are only half open and he stretches before realizing he is home and thanking you both

he pulls you into a sleepy and sort of awkward hug since the backseat isn’t Ideal for affection but you appreciate it nonetheless and pat his back

him and lucas do some sort of bro handshake and then you watch him shuffle to his front door

you climb into the front seat because opening the door and letting cold air in is the Phattest Mistake Ever

lucas smirks and you smack him before he can even say anything

“i dIdNt EvEn SaY aNyThInG”

“ and you will continue doing so”

“okay but you guys were pretty cozy back there huh?”

“what’s it to u”

“and that seems to be his beanie on your head , isn’t it?”

“wHATS IT TO U”

he shakes his head and laughs and drives you home

you thank him despite him being The Worst and hug him

you also make him swear not to tell anyone when your elbow bumped into the horn and you screamed

when you make it into your room you change into comfy clothes sluggishly and practically fall onto your bed

you cover your face with your hands and try to pretend like you aren’t smiling REALLY hard right now but you’re fooling a grand total of no one

it’s a friday night so the next morning you let yourself sleep in as much as you can stand

you make pancakes while pointedly ignoring all the texts from donghyuck when you notice the subject of all of them appears to be jeno

lucas has everyone’s numbers and makes a big group message because he just fckin loves chaos i guess

he sends a hopelessly typo filled text about there being a party that night and since he’s invited you’re ALL invited

and okay you’re no stranger to parties but like jisung and chenle are innocent babies

and you’ve got no idea what jeno is comfortable with since you all literally met him just a couple of weeks ago

you eventually respond to hyuck’s long and almost illegible texts with just “no.” and tell lucas you’ll go if only to make sure no one dies

you get called lame and a mom for that one :/

fast forward to this party

you’re wearing cute clothes but also it’s cold so like , cute sweater and jeans hehe

you’ve designated yourself and chenle as Designated Drivers

1:your anxiety wont allow you to get drunk since you’ll be unable to take care of Your Boys

2: chenle is almost unbearable sober , so

you’ve got jeno in the passenger seat and the rest of 00 line squished together in the back while chenle drives The Fossils and jisung

you pull up and the party is ,,,,,, really fucking big

there are entirely too many people here for your tastes but the boys spill out of your car with excited whoops when you FINALLY find a parking spot so

u gotta stay homie :/

you walk in behind them more sedately while chenle excitedly clings to yukhei’s back

you shout at him to watch his head just in time for him to dodge the door frame when yukhei does an excited lil jump

he smiles sheepishly at you and then shouts ONWARD MIGHTY STEED as his “steed” thunders into the crowd of people

you can already tell you’re going to have a difficult time with this since chenle is No Help Whatsoever

you’ve lost whoever was with chenle and jaemin has already flirted some poor soul into making him drinks

jeno is clinging to jaemin and looking around in nervous wonder since he knows absolutely no one here

donghyuck has challenged a Giant College Boy to beer pong and is ,,,,,, winning

renjun is cheering at the side and you decide to go join them

renjun leans over and is all so u just gonna let jaemin steal ur man like that ?????

you smack his already drunk ass (renjun sCREAMS lightweight) and tell him jeno is Not Your Man

he doesn’t have to know that you wish he was :////

so you hang out with hyuck and renjun until they’re both too annoying to stand and you go try to hunt down jaemin and jeno

to make sure jaemin isn’t pressuring jeno into anything

not that jaemin would get him into BAD things per say

he’s just a persuasive person and you don’t want jeno to get stuck in seven minutes in heaven with some random girl or too drunk to walk a straight line

if anything he should get stuck in seven minutes in heaven with you !!! >:(((((((

you find him perched on the arm of the couch in the living room with jaemin nowhere to be seen

he’s literally just smiling serenely at nothing while two younger boys (hey look it’s jisung and chenle) poke each other without tearing their eyes away from the screen

because god damn it chenle refuses to lose to a drunk jisung at mario kart

you tap him on the shoulder and he turns to look at you and his whole face just lights up ????

he smiles so big and gasps excitedly and his eyes do the scrunchy thing uwu

you’re about to playfully pinch his cheek and ask him if he’s doing okay but like

he literally snatches you by the waist and pulls you between his legs and presses his face into the soft part of your neck where it meets your shoulder

you turn red and your heart goes baduMBADUMBADUMBADUM

he doesn’t even notice or if he does he doesn’t say anything ???

your hands fall to his shoulders and try to gently pry him off but his grip only tightens

“ouch oUCH jeno you’re crushing my organs”

he immediately loosens his grip and tilts his head back to look up at you

“ ‘m sorry, pretty”

“did you just call me pretty”

“well you are”

“i am what?”

he giggles and knocks his nose into your chin

“you’re pretty !!! silly y/n hhehsheehhe”

“oKAY you are very drunk aren’t you?”

“mmhmm :)))))))”

“alright, time to gather the Gang and head home. wait here and DO NOT MOVE okay ?”

he doesn’t acknowledge you and just rests his forehead back on your shoulder

you go to find the rest of your probably very drunk friends but jeno ,,,,, doesn’t let go

you turn around in his grip and try to push off the couch to get him to let go but he is VERY STRONG

and refuses to let go

you’re very torn because being held by jeno ??? absolute 10/10

but also you want to leave ?? and he won’t ??? let you ???? find the boys ??????

“jeno, sweetheart, you gotta let me go”

“noooooo but you’re so soft and u smell good n ur so prettyyy :(“

“god why are you so cUTE drunk?”

“ ‘m cute all the time, babe”

“and very flirty apparently”

“ i mean all of it !!!! ‘s not just because i’m drunk i promise !!!!!!”

“okay okay i believe you but you gotta let me go find our friends so we can get you home”

“i don’t wanna leave :(((( ‘m gonna miss you”

you literally have to put a hand over your heart because that’s so fucking adorable

“okay what if everyone comes over and hangs out at my house hm? i won’t be gone for long”

“okay ,,,, can i come with you though?”

“yes ???? everyone is coming to my house??”

“nO you’re so silly omg i mean to find everyone”

“yes now let go”

you go to move away and instead he just stands up still wrapped around you from behind

at this point you’ve done everything you can so you just let him be

you walk around the party and snatch up every one of your Sons Even Though A Lot Are Older And Bigger Than You and corral them out to their respective transportation

you make sure chenle knows to bring them back to your house since your parents are out of town on vacation (without u ,,, :/ )

and you get lucas to pry jeno off of you and place him in the passenger seat

even drunk and giggly he is Strong Man

you climb in the car and tell hyuck to Shut Up and jaemin to stop trying to make renjun sit in his lap

jeno reaches across and immediately latches onto the hand closest to him

you’ve decided to just accept his excessive affection for the night tbh

i mean , it’s not like u hate it or anything ,,,

but you still pretend like it’s a hassle for the sake of your dignity and jiggle your arm a little in his grip as a half hearted attempt to get him to let go

instead he lifts your hand to his mouth and kisses it and then smiles at you really wide

you turn RED and start the drive home as quickly as possible so you can Focus On The Road

when you pull in renminhyuck excitedly run towards your front door while you extract your hand from jenos and get out of the car

he follows you and tangles your fingers together as you walk to the front door

drunk renjun is even more excited than before and is like aRe YoU gUyS dAtInG nO w ??:$&;&(

jeno bounces up and down next to you and then goes

“aw can we ??? :)))) please ???”

you splutter and just drag him past the others to unlock your front door

“alright find yourself a place to sleep that is NOT my bed or my parents bed and lay down there. i will bring pillows and blankets,,,,,,, and medicine for in the morning”

after like 45 seconds of protesting that they aren’t tired renjun knocks out curled up in an armchair and jaemin and donghyuck decide to build a pile of pillows to sleep on

they look super cute all curled up together :((((((

chenle arrives not much later dragging along jisung by the hand

mark and lucas stumble in not long after giggling

mark sees hyuckie curled up with jaemin and let’s out a scandalized gasp before literally picking him up bridal style and depositing them both on the couch

donghyuck wakes up (“mark~~ i missed u”) and proceeds press himself against marks side and fall back asleep

jisung and chenle join a Cuddly Even In His Sleep jaemin and lucas climbs in your parents bed

you are entirely too tired to stop him and he’s too heavy to move so you just leave him

jeno has disappeared and you have your suspicions ,,,,

they are confirmed when you enter your room and he’s perched on the edge of your bed looking like he fell asleep sitting up

at the click of your door opening he perks up and when he sees it’s you he lifts his hands towards you and makes grabby fingers :((((((

BABY

“ i have a feeling once i do that you will not let me go so ,,,, i’m gonna change first okay? do you want to borrow some sleep clothes?”

“heheHeh yes pls love u”

you smile and shake your head before handing him a pair of your sweatpants

because honestly they’re big on you and he’s ,,,,,,

got a flat ass so he’ll fit in them

he starts to take off his jeans and you’re like nO NO WAIT TIL I LEAVE TO CHANGE DHDJKF

you snatch up a big t shirt and leggings and dash to the bathroom across the hall

you splash water on your face so that you’ll actually believe that this night really fuckinh happened oh my god

you slowly change into your pajamas and then creep back across the hall, hoping jeno fell asleep already so you won’t have to face him like this

he’s being so soft and affectionate and ngl it’s scary that when he wakes up he might not remember

or he might remember and want to pretend it never happened :((((

but nonetheless might as well enjoy what ya got while ya got it

he’s awake and sitting in the middle of your bed now, cross legged and drawing circles in with his fingers into your comforter

his head lifts and he smiles again and reaches for you , again

this time you let him and come close enough to reach him and hold out your hand

he grabs it and pulls you ,,,, on top of him

he genuinely just lays back and takes you with him so you’re laying on his chest and your legs are tangled with his

he grabs your other hand places them both on his own shoulders before dropping his arms to wrap around your rib cage

“jeno please i don’t want to crush you”

“hey you could never !!! im a big boy in strong enough >:(“

“i never said you weren’t but we cannot sleep like this”

“says who? :(“

“says me”

he rolls the two of you over so he’s now half on top of and rests his head over your heart

“how about this?”

he says it a little too smugly so you pinch his cheek before settling down to sleep

you wrap one arm around his shoulders and your other hand naturally comes down to rest on his forearm that’s laid across your waist

“jeno?”

“yeah babe?”

you pause at that to inhale deeply because good christ he is going to be the death of you

“will you,,, will you remember all this in the morning ? and like , still mean all the things you said?”

he props his chin up to look at you but you remain staring at the ceiling

“yes. i promise. i’ll even kiss you if you’ll let me.”

“oh i dont know about that”

he narrows his eyes and pinches your side for that one so you squirm in his grasp

“okay oKAY we both know i literally want nothing else”

“hell yeah i know that , see u in the morning lovebug”

“goodnight bubs”

and you both fall asleep literally seconds after

the next morning no one in your house is awake before noon

you are the first to rise and you gently get out of bed without waking jeno and tip toe to your kitchen

you quickly start making an excessive amount pancakes because they are after all, Teen Boys and their stomachs are after all, Bottomless Pits

renjun shuffles into the kitchen not long after and pours himself some orange juice before wordlessly sitting at the table behind you

you make pancake after pancake almost mindlessly, it’s weirdly relaxing ??

lucas comes in next and bangs into the door frame before serving himself 8 pancakes and eating them at a scary pace

he realizes how Damn Rude that is by his third one and looks up to thank you enthusiastically

“yeah yeah just don’t make a mess you caveman”

“yes ma’am”

“careful there yukhei she might like being called ma’am”

and would you look at that donghyuck has entered :-)))))))

you flick some pancake batter in his direction but it hits mark who is right next to him

and poor dumb baby licks it off his finger and his face crinkles in disgust and you burst out laughing

hdjdjdjdj god please mark look out for yourself more jesus

in the next 15 minutes, the chatting and the smell of breakfast brings everyone crowding into the kitchen except jeno whom is apparently still asleep in your room

everyone has served themselves and you’re cooking the last of the batter by the time jeno stumbles in and wraps himself around you to prop his chin on your shoulder

the clatter of utensils quiets down to silence as they all gape at the easy and familiar affection jeno bestows upon you as if it’s an everyday thing

your hands freeze in their movements but jeno doesn’t move

his eyes are half closed and he rests a good bit of his body weight against you

you clear your throat awkwardly and give the others an evil glare over your shoulder

chenle is the first to hurriedly return to eating and the rest join in soon

you turn your head to whisper that you’ll get his pancakes done sooner if he doesn’t lean on you too much

he backs off but still lingers and presses the ghost of a kiss to your shoulder in acknowledgement

:((((((((((((

the boys snicker when you duck your head and blush but luckily that was your last pancake so you chuck your spatula in their general direction

chenle screams and throws himself into yukhei’s lap for cover while the rest cover their heads with their arms

you snicker and jeno squeezes you one last time before letting go and sitting at the table

at this point there is Nowhere For You to sit and the boys are too busy being rowdy teens to make room for you

jeno takes your plate from you and pulls you. into his lap.

the aUDACITY OF THIS BOY

WTF

the boys luckily don’t take much notice so you eat quickly and hop up to take everyone’s plates and pile them in the sink to wash later

jeno watches you fondly as you buzz around the kitchen in between conversations with jaemin about whatever antics they got into together last night before you found him

okay time skip you’ve ushered everyone out of your home

and refused to give a ride to anyone since you had to deal with their Drunk Foolery all last night

instead of hugging each of them there is a giant group hug that honestly hurts more than it helps

but chenle was involved so, what did u expect

jeno stays behind

it’s honestly so god damn domestic how he leans against the door frame and waits for you while you wave on the front porch to all the Babies

you come back inside and close the door and jeno is ᵗʰᶦˢ far away from your face

“hi”

“hello~”

“did you need something?”

“yep!”

“and what would it be, i wonder?”

“oh nothing too extravagant”

“spit it out wonder boy”

“okay so you know how you said you would let me kiss you last night?”

“i vaguely recall,,”

“okay well i’m cashing that in”

“right now ??”

“right now”

“did you even brush your teeth today?”

“yes, because i knew you would say that”

“damn.”

then he chortles and lifts his palms to cup your face

he leans in even closer so that your breaths mingle and his nose nudges against yours

then he abruptly pulls away and like ?? wtf dude ?????????

“okay but first things first: be my girlfriend”

“is that the best u can do”

“no but my best would take longer and i wanna kiss you RIGHT NOW”

“well jeez you make a hard bargain”

“. oh my GOD”

“JSKDJ IM SORRY ILL BE UR GIRLFRIEND”

“THANK JESUS”

and then he kisses u.

HARD

IM SCREANSKNSH !!!!!!!

he uses his hands to tilt your head back so he can get the perfect angle and he smiles against your lips when you start panting for air

you lean away and he chases after you, not wanting to be apart for a second

he captures them again and kisses you so softly you could CRY

I AM CRYING !

then he pulls away and presses a lingering kiss on the part of your forehead just between your eyebrows and you go a little cross eyed trying to keep an eye on him

his eyes are still closed when he parts from you and his smile is Big and Beautiful fuck

then you launch yourself at him and cover him in little pecks n kisses and he squeaks because he’s a soft shit

to escape Your Affection he pulls you close and buries his head in your shoulder

you wrap your arms around him and stand on your tip toes for it to be more comfortable for you both

but jeno has no plans of letting you go anytime soon so when your calves fatigue and you fall flat footed jeno pulls away and drags you to the couch

he declares this your First Date and puts on ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, marley and me

wtf jeno ? u tryna have a Sob Fest????

and it really does end in crying for both of you lmao

it’s pitiful

afterwards you watch that weird rip off of the smurfs called the snorks where it’s exactly the same except they’re underwater to get out of your Sad and Depressing mood

jeno eventually leaves because his mom has texted him 2738484 times to get his ass home

you walk him to the door and he kisses you goodbye in the Softest Fashion You’ve Ever Experienced and then waves at you over his shoulder on the way to his mother’s car

rip she had to pick him up since he didn’t drive there

as he walks away you’re almost uh Mad at how good he looks in your sweatpants

he notices your stare and opens his mouth to offer them back but you wave him off

“keep em, babe. they look better on you anyways”

and this , this BOY

winks, sLaps hIS OWN aSs ? and says

“i know they do ;)))))”

SJDKDK

the other boys each individually text you some variation of

“sO ??&: U AND JENO ?!?!:!;!&,&:”

and you reply to them all with

“yep.”

and Refuse to answer further questions

you and jeno fall into affection and dating so easily it’s as if you’ve been in a relationship all along

jeno is naturally very affectionate with just his friends so with you it’s tenfold

he literally can’t go more than 2 days without being able to see you

in person

and preferably kissing you

if he doesn’t see you for awhile he will sneak into your room and curl himself around your back

the first time he did it you were already in bed when the window opened and you thought he was a MURDERER and threw a book at him

once you had both calmed down he tackled you and pressed you into the sheets until you were out of breath from cackling and squealing

jeno loves you , so much

he loves you with everything he’s got and it’s honestly so endearing to you that he’s so attached

especially since you are just as attached i mean look at him

he calls you lovebug or sweetheart or any other slightly cringey nickname he can think of but he always uses your name when he tells you he loves you

he wants to you to know that he MEANS it and he FEELS it with every fiber of his body

and honestly what more could you ask for ?

381 notes · View notes

melekseev · 5 years

Text

so i FINALLY bring you my esc19 toplist, all under the cut, with short comments.

also be aware i literally... enjoy my top 31. so twenty something places might sound bad.. BUT THEYRE REALLY NOT, I JUST LOVE A LOT. i went into this year thinking it was weak, and then after i had this playlist on so much, hello, i love a ton. nevertheless, just my taste and opinions and good luck to all of them~

1. France ABSOLUTE KIN G stuck in first place because this is undoubtedly my most listened song this year, and i'm absolutely hooked on it. i am somewhat worried about that coming revamp, but. but i fcking love this song, and he improved those vocals like d amn 2. Russia i.... am in love. every time i hear this song it gets me into that sort of dramatic ecstasy and it's so big and beautiful that it just... it kills me. i die. thats it 3. Italy soldi is still my jam, and i adore it to bits 4. Slovenia this masterpiece is one i just want to protect. so soothing, i LOVE listening to it, it's just ethereal 5. Netherlands this song, at one point, was almost at every possible spot on my list from middle to top 15, but then it stuck with me and now it's utter love 6. Hungary i adore his voice, no bias. his whole vibe, his unique delivery and technique, that folky sound, like... yes please 7. Switzerland i am not ashamed to say i am utter trash for this song. every single part i love about this. like holy shit, this time switzerland better make it thEY EARNED IT 8. Australia she is QUEEN, i considered dropping it from my top 10 when trying to readjust ONE TIME and upon relistening i instantly was like "okay no way it's going anywhere", i just unironically love it a LOT 9. Norway actual legends... this song just cheers me up to SUCH an extent! love the joiking... i love eveything, bless you norway 10. Belgium at first, i had issues with it, because i wanted a bigger drop near the end, but now i'm just absolutely... in love... it convinced me. the instrumental, the building up, the dark undertone, just. i adore this 11. Poland oH I LOVE THEM SO MU CH. li s t en. i can't explain it, but they give me like a lowkey vibe of soft punk-rock theme but also like...?? japanese pop?? but no, it's polish and slavic and traditional and i'm really really vibing with it, because some of it is familiar from my own culture, and these girls S LAY 12. Albania albania always delivering those vocals.. i love the mystical vibe with the ethnic sound, it's simply gorgeous 13. San Marino can you believe i unironically HONESTLY thoroughly enjoy this song?? serhat is an icon, but his voice actually really fits with this song and i always get super into it. i'm so happy this exists lmao 14. Azerbaijan i'm very very much into this song, and i'm EXTREMELY curious to see how he pulls this off live as it seems to be such a radio song, but i have hopes. i just dig it, like... like a LOT 15. Czech Republic this is the most chill song this year, and despite the silly, easygoing lyrics it's just... extremely fun, and it's been my jam since it came out 16. Croatia listen. l i sten. i love... theatrical. i love big strong voice explosions. this CHILD is talented as fuck. i know many people hate this, but the song actually grew on me, and then today i just honestly love it. i wish the whole song was in croatian, but even with the not so great lyrics, i'm eating it up and singing along. i know he won't make it, but oh well. it's okay Roko, i love your voice and song 17. Armenia i really love this one, too. she convinced me further in amsterdam bc she absolutely killed it (although i feel like she had a nervous slip in the very beginning) but then after that.. holyshit. such a tiny girl with such a huge voice 18. Spain honestly, if you tell me earlier it would end up this high at one point i wouldn't believe you.. i never /hated/ it per se, but i also wasn't really impressed or as into it as most people were. i think the revamp was the one that convinced me in the end, because it forced me to face the fact that i do honestly enjoy this more than i want to. also now im nostalgic towards anything spanish, even if its different, bye 19. Finland yes, this might be nothing special, but i just... enjoy it. i genuinely do, and there are certain parts i especially love, and so therefore. like. yes. 20. Estonia as much as i didn't want to like this originally, i do. like, i really do. it just happened, and i'm not mad about it 21. Romania this song is a big grower for me, and to this day the more i hear it the more i get into it still 22. UK Michael's live delivery elevates this otherwise not so amazing song like... so much. i feel like the UK does tend to send songs with this particular theme, but i actually enjoy it quite a lot when he's doing it live. his voice is impressive, and so... here he. 23. Sweden these two ^ i always moved around together for some reason, as if they were linked, which might be because John wrote both songs, although i learned that later(??? but in the end, i feel like i prefer UK a bit more. this is also really good though, it works, and it has a great vibe for esc 24. Portugal so this one slipped quite far off, as with time i sort of lost the enthusiasm for it. i still find it unique and enjoy it nevertheless though, so it could definitely be worse 25. Greece i'm in quite a pickle because after not necessarily being super into this song, i started to really like it (VOICE, BRUH) but then the amsterdam concert happened. I KNOW she was sick, though, so i sort of have this on hold. if she delivers later, which i'm sure she will, she stays, but if not, this might drop a few slots 26. Lithuania this is another song that just makes me happy and makes me smile, and i can't explain it. i love lionboy. i'm just here for it 27. Serbia her voice is quite literally pristine, i love that she's singing in serbian, and i do appreciate her a lot as i honestly enjoy this song when it's on. it tends to slip my mind, though, which i hate it does, because it's beautiful and i'm rooting for her 28. Cyprus super unpopular opinion, but i actually like this a lot more than Fuego, and don't necessarily compare the two. HOWEVER i do kinda feel like i'm seeing the same thing from the same country, like, immediately after, which makes me a little less excited about it, oof 29. North Macedonia see, the message is very nice. the song actually grew on me a bit compared to the first time i heard it, but i still just... wish it was better. i like it overall, but it's just about pushing it 30. Israel he's actually very talented and on point vocally. the only reason it's not higher is simply because it's just not really my style, but it's one i still appreciate on stage 31. Georgia there is something about this that i like. i respect him, and when near the end there's sooo much power, then especially i really dig it 32. Montenegro the revamp did help them quite a lot, but overall it still kinda feels like a high school chorus, and i'm just not really for it 33. Moldova her voice is really nice, and despite how i found it just... done several times and kind of boring (oops), her live made me appreciate this just a bit more 34. Ireland i feel like this song is just kind of... there, for the sake of being there. it's not even bad, it's just... meh? 35. Malta that chorus is a major turn off for me, and it's neeeearing that point where a song just starts to annoy me... which i feel like is worse than simply not liking something, so it's on thin ice 36. Austria first of all i think her voice is very lovely. BUT... after about the 4th yo-o-o-ouh it does tip and starts to annoy me, which i wish it didn't, but... but it does 37. Belarus i wanna talk about how they had a huge shot with Michael Soul, but i will not go down that road and focus on Zena. this song just feels like a mess to me. like... a young britney spears song, but bad. i really don't get the appeal, at all 38. Latvia hhhhhhh. this one annoys me so much, i just can't begin to explain. it's flat, repetitive, and the chorus (??) fries my nerves in a matter of seconds, IM SORRY 39. Denmark oof... o o of. i don't want to be rude but basically this feels exactly like what you'd expect a junior eurovision song to be like.... except those are actually better. it's just... no. no. way too much sugar. it’s all just... no 40. Germany speaking of songs that annoy me? i feel like this is definitely the one i can't stand the most. *screeches* SISTAH x4 41. Iceland listen i'm not going to talk about this for long but basically i really heavily dislike this for a few reasons and can never listen all the way through without like.. suffering. the funniest thing is that i love the beat. but then.. the singing (NOT even the style) it just. it makes me angry, cuz this could be good. but it's not. also i don't like the pretend-gay stuff. but that's just me

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ts-indonesia · 5 years

Text

Episode 7: “back on my bullshit™️” - Anabel

After the birthday murder, the cast merged into the Berbagi Bir merge tribe! In a fierce flag-making immunity challenge, Jess got the job done, and earned herself immunity for the round.

As most merge votes are... this round was mess. SO, Matt’s name was one of the earliest thrown out, as one of the quieter members of the tribe, but Matt’s strong social game earlier in the season meant he had allies (like Anabel & Olivia) who did not wanna see that happen.

Potential Vote #2 was Stoner, spearheaded by Anabel, which was leaked (Host Note: I forget who specifically leaked this... lets go with Chris O because one of the confessionals said so) somewhat shooting that plan down.

On an all-returnee call, the vote was settled on Lorelei, as the least connected and least threatening newbie... but... then people did some things. So.. Owen/Stoner decided that returnee kumbaya was no more, and plotted to secretly flip and send out Matt... But that plan relied on the nuCahaya newbie pair sticking to the plan. In fact Trent/Anabel, motivated by Trent’s closeness to Jess/nuCahaya and Anabel’s strong formed relationship with Matt, decided to in fact vote out Lorelei, turning on the newbies, and lying to Owen/Stoner that they were also flipping on NuCahaya.

At tribal, Anabel played her idol, assuming since she just turned on Chris O, he would leak that she had it, and five members of the tribe were blindsided by Lorelei’s exit, with Owen/Stoner vulnerable due to their failed flip...

OLIVIA

Well I wasted my idol and voted out my best friend

Just vote me out now

STONER

https://youtu.be/8YsRquIDBLc

LEIGH

So the vote went exaclty how Trent and Anabel thought it would lmao. I've played too many of these games with aggressive players, it makes me paranoid. Merge time now!

OWEN

I MADE MERGE AGAIN YEEHAW!!!!! The power that that has... I'm quaking honestly. I was completely surprised the other tribe voted Isaac, but in a way I'm relieved because it means I'm not the only one who turned on old Cahaya. I think those tribal lines are going to fade FAST going into this merge... The only worry I have is if they did Isaac because they thought he flipped on Foxx and they're on a witch hunt, but honestly, it's probably just that he was inactive?? Idk. Anabel must've done something to get back into their good graces? We'll see. I'M SO HAPPY THOUGH!! I get to reunite with Olivia and Jess which I LOVE. I just need to explain myself to them about Foxx and they can explain about Isaac and I'm praying it's okay. I really want to stay loyal to Olivia and Matt as long as I can... I also though want to make a group of me/Chris O/Leigh/Lorelei maybe because I truly like all of them and I feel like I have a great 1 on 1 bond with all three. I know that Chris/Leigh at least talk, but I don't have a read on how close Lorelei is with them? We'll see. And it would be nice to pull Jess in to the Matt/Olivia stuff. My problem now is that I'm spreading myself WAY too thin. I have some sort of trust built or at least like cordial conversation built with everyone left except for Michael. It's going to get real fucking messy for me from here on out and it's going to bite me in the ass sooner rather than later because there's a huge chance that, unless something shuffles around, I get caught between two sides and I can't let that expose me so soon. But for now I'm just gonna be social and relax and enjoy talking to these people, because I do really like them a lot.

LORELEI

I made it to merge 😭😭😭 I'm so happy and so proud of myself. I'm so thankful for my alliance with Trent, Chris o, leigh, Anabel and myself. I couldn't have made it here without them. And Owen too, I wouldn't have made it this far if he, Leigh and Chris hadn't managed to flip the vote and vote Foxx (legend) out. I hope I can make it even further!

MICHAEL

One world confessional https://youtu.be/KCz4Lma5f0c

Pre Merge confessional https://youtu.be/vbcNhFsJUVg

OLIVIA

Me: votes out Isaac Me: I wanna talk to ISAAC HE GETS ME Me: it was for the best Me: BRING ME FRIEND

Mmmmmmok so I voted out Isaac, very heartbreaking. I spent all day not doing my homework also.

But now we’ve merged. NuCahaya seems strong. Anabel is excited to work with us and we had a cute ten min call before the tribal and Trent sent a very nice message after, I appreciated that he acknowledged that was hard for me to do.

I wasted my idol, but I think I managed to convince everyone it was a one round only idol lmao. If no one was convinced then oh well. It was so weird like an anxiety monster just took over my body and was like “everyone hates you and if you don’t play your idol you’re OUT” So that’s cute

But anyways. Owen, Matt and I had a very joyous and cute reunion which is interesting since I sorta set owen up as this big ol mastermind with NuCahaya 👀 I painted him as a target for the Foxx vote but he said it was because foxx was throwing around stoner’s name. Stoner was barely around and just went for it apparently. So those three definitely still wanna do like an all veterans thing? (Owen, stoner, Matt). Aaaaand like Jess, Michael, Trent, and Anabel all think we’re a fivesome against Owen and his minions which isn’t exactly the case but may be. Sooooooooooo. Yeah. The fivesome is outnumbered, the veterans aren’t. However Michael and Jess are 100% pro NuCahaya, which I am too. But like I love my dudes too. This vote is gonna change everything because it’s all peaches and cream rn lol. And I’m sorta smack in the middle it feels like with my Owen and Matt alliance which no one knows about and the NuCahaya which I don’t think the veterans would suspect. But I think voting out Isaac safely secured Anabel and Trent with us. I just can’t voice my opinion too much on this vote and I’ve gotta just calm down and fade into the background. Hopefully for now I can keep the delicate balance and we can get Leigh out who isn’t really playing. Jess I told about my idol and she wasn’t too mad at me stupidly playing it I hope lmao. We’re trying to figure out this new idol system together.

I’m sorry Isaac, ily. I hope I can make cutting out my heart in this game worth it.

TRENT

So last night's vote was wild. The awesome foursome wanted to vote out isaac because Anabel is in it. But we needed to do it in a way that Olivia is on board, so we can use her as a number in the future. So we spent hours discussing the pros and cons, which was pointless because jess and michael were going to vote it anyway. Finally at like 8:45 Olivia agrees to vote Isaac. THEN i get a message from leigh and chris who are the infiltrators. They are freaking out because jess and michael won't confirm to vote isaac. They want to flip the vote on Olivia. Which makes no sense but they wanted to do a 3-3-1 tie and then get her out in the tie. Again makes no sense. I finally calm them down and tell them just to trust me and anabel will be safe. And of course at tribal, olivia plays her idol and i freak out thinking we got play, but thank goodness we didnt. Thank goodness we didn't listen to chris or leigh as well because that would have been super awkward to explain. Now we are at merge, and the Charlie alliance is back in business. Somehow we all survived. Even though we were split down the middle with anabel and I being in the minority of the other tribe. Both of our tribes got returnees out. No matter which way you look at it, im at a 6-5 disadvantage. 6 returnees 5 newbies, 6 new obor 5 new cahaya. I just need to survive this next vote and the I think i'll be golden for a little while. I'm hearing some whispering of targeting matt next, and that would be perfect because it gets me to 5-5.

OWEN

Holy shit I just found an idol thank GOD!!!! I’m gonna fuck some shit up with this !!! YEEEEEESSSSS. I’ve officially found one three seasons in a row hehe :’) the grind nvr stops am I right Idk who to tell tho I feel like I need to say something to someone but... Idk. Might be nice to keep to myself

OLIVIA

Real depressed I didn’t win the challenge, spent so long hand drawing it and put a lot of love into it bc I truly love all my tribemates but I know Jess did the same and hers looks cool too. Cannnnot believe I got second again I’ve literally gotten second like every single flag challenge I’ve done 🙄

I had fun drawing today at least, that was a nice change of pace and I’m personally happy with how it turned out so that’s good haha and I realized I’m not half bad I should draw more. I’m always so negative about what I do and think everything looks terrible so I never end up doing anything

I have no idea about this next vote, glad my bff won the challenge. I gotta lay low and make sure it ain’t me. 4 gays + finance manager Trent want Owen or one of his “squad” out. I’m going on call in my owen and Matt alliance tomorrow. Those two and stoner I’m sure wanna realign the veterans and get out a newbie. Maybe I can keep up the façade and direct both into getting out either Lorelei, Leigh, or Chris o (even tho, since getting to know them they’re all so sweet and cool but SOMEONE has to go)

So hopefully that happens. I’ll see what Owen and Matt say tomorrow. As for Chris stoner, who knows 🤷‍♀️

OWEN

i was telling my roommates that I was stressed about this game bc i feel close to too many people and i said im just gonna randomize and the top five ppl on the list ill screw over..... guess whose name was on top? MATT. :o which is a little fitting bc i think it might come down to matt vs leigh tonight. idk it's been SO FUCKING quiet today it's really scaring me. i talked to jess and brought up that i thought matt or leigh will be the targets. she's so freaking sketchy to talk to bc she doesnt want to commit to ANYTHING. like...girl, u got the immunity??? be brave??? speak ur mind???????????????????? but she seemed to be tossing around the idea of doing matt... here's my deal. i love olivia and i even like matt a lot, and I like the torchsnuffers. but rn it seems weaker to move forward with them??? bc i love my bonds with chris o and lorelei.... and stoner of course. basically im in a middle of two sides and the most unanimous I can get rn, the fucking better!1!11 but I dont want to hurt olivia rn... :( GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! this is just all a tangled mess and I dont want to get caught in it too deep but i already AM!!!! if we were zoobeenee this never wouldve happened.... will it be leigh? will it be matt? will it be me?????? not sure. the only thing i know is after tribal tonight im gettin fuckin drunk!

JESS

I GOT IMMUNITY WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU JUDGES <3

MATT

bITCHES Be CONSPIRING AGAINSt ME!!

ANABEL

https://youtu.be/nYZxeLs1hY0

well. maybe the bitches. don’t. wanna. vote. stoner.

OWEN

Duck I am so stressed now The six returnees all called and decided on Lorelei. I’m ducking s reading I wish they decided anabel or something Idk . God dang it..... I don’t want to lose lorelei when she’s been so nice to me and I already saved her on the foxx vote. So I could do two things.... I could vote for Matt with stoner and chris/Leigh/Lorelei and hope that Trent or anabel do too. Then Lorelei is safe but I burn a bridge with olivia and jess which would suck and then I’m giving anabel and Trent a lot of power. I could give Lorelei my idol and tell her to play it on herself and then vote for her to try to save face with the vets but then like what if she tells them I gave it to her or they think I told her to use it.... and also matt would still be gone :( so Idk ughhh and then if that’s the case how to I explain to chris and Leigh why I voted her ???? I want stoner and I to maybe split our vote and then see what Trent an anabel do... idk I can’t decide but omg Trent is calling me. I could also just vote Lorelei and ride it iur

OLIVIA

Truly sorry for my lack of confessionals! Busy day. So I’m pretty confident it’s lorelei but for all we know it could be me! I’m finding myself not as stressed out because I don’t think I’ll EVER be as stressed out as I was with the Isaac vote so even if it’s me, not saying I’ll not be sad, but I’m more at peace. I’ve been on so many calls today jfc. Jess really finessed the hell outta this one with her insanely cool trick to get anabel and Trent to vote Lorelei that was awesome. If I have time later tonight I’ll explain more of what went down today later but until then? Sayonara!

The Isaac vote like changed me as a player it’s wild. I’ve never voted out my closest friend in a game and now I have and like lived through it like I’m?? Ok? Like it was so horrible but it was like digging a bullet out of my heart. It sounds so weird but like it opened up my ability to play without being like insane stressball and hopefully I can carry this through the game. It probably doesn’t make sense but yeah 😂

JESS

I'm tired of sitting around letting games slip through my fingers. This round I have immunity so why not crack a bit? I want that OTT baby! This round is going to be complicated. I don't want Matt to go whatsoever. What a plot twist from the begging of the season? I see no benefit of taking out someone who I believe will be in my corner in this game for a bit? I've compromised enough the last round with taking out Isaac for Trent/Anabel... THIS ROUND IS FOR ME! So I decided to be a rat ass bitch and tell Matt his name was going around. Will this fuck me over next round? Absolutely. Do I care? A lot. Will I regret taking out someone who I see has no benefit to me? NOPE. The way Lorelei and Chris O went about this round rubbed me the wrong way. Chris let me know Matt's name was going around but refused to give me ANY of the details. That just proves to me he does not trust me one bit. Lorelei straight up lied to me so homegirl NEEDS TO GO. Anabel had some genius plan on getting Stoner out (YASSSSSSS). But she didn't listen to me... and told Chris O aka: basically telling Stoner. It obviously got back to Stoner which caused chaos. However, it proved to me that sooo many people are close and exposed relationships. I was able to convince Anabel/Trent to do Lorelei which I hope will work? I don't know. All I know if Lorelei dies in this game I'll be happy. There's only room for one girl from Montréal here :$

OWEN

I have to just make a decision and move forward. After talking to Trent, I think I've decided to do Matt tonight. I feel confident that Trent could be an ally for me. Stoner, Chris O, and Lorelei are all really solid alliances to me right now as well, more than I feel with Michael. I know I'm burning Jess and Olivia and I don't really know what to say to them after. I'm feeling guilty as fuck right now, I wish I didnt put myself in this position. But it's a game, and for me right now, Lorelei is someone I want to go really far with. If they had picked Anabel maybe it would be a different story... Idk. This could still blow up in my face and send me out and honestly??? I'm so exhausted from the last 10 hours i prob wouldnt mind mmmmm ive finally fucking snappt and it's time to follow thru the crazy xo

OLIVIA

Listen, could I technically go to tribal? Yeah but after the damage my anxiety did to me at the last one imma just sit back and let the texts roll in while I do tranquility dot to do puzzles

#whenyourfiresout

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jess-oh · 6 years

Text

Reflection

hey journal!

i had a pretty good day today but it was all ruined so quickly.

i started the day by waking up late and so, i didnt meet linda in time at the fullerton red line stop at 8am this morning and i felt super bad but i chose to just take a lyft instead. i debated on training it up to jenny but by that time. i’d get to church by 10am and i wasnt sure if i would even make it in time so i just decided to take a lyft instead. i made a commitment to come early and although i would be very late, it was better to come a little early than not at all! and i had a good time talking with my lyft driver about church and my busy schedule anyway! and i think i’m getting the hang of finding the balance of listening intently and actually caring for others and sharing my own experiences. as of right now, ive been trying to not share about myself unless prompted to and i think it’s been working so far! im just afraid i’ll end up having a lot of pent up emotions that i never felt comfortable sharing and end up feeling miserable again. but hopefully it doesnt come to that and people just know to ask! but i saw josh, johnathan’s roommate, there again and that was really nice! i got to see amanda and johnathan and josh and p josh and i was glad. and i got to see some familiar faces! like david, austin, rachel, johnny, christine, daniel bang and more! and although, again, i am sad chelsea and angela were missing, im also relieved that they werent there bc i wasnt so afraid of being judged constantly. honestly, jason too. he was also missing and i felt kind of relieved bc although i know he means well when he teases me, it’s slowly spiraling into verbal abuse and i actually do get kind of hurt sometimes. i tend to shrug it off but like when he calls me a “dummy” when i learn about new information, i feel kind of bad. if i knew but forgot, then thats one thing and i know i deserve that. but i literally just found out. why does that warrant or mean im not smart in any way? i’ll probably confront him about it in the near future and as of right now, i do value him as a friend and we have had real, deep conversations with each other, which i do really value and appreciate. and i also dont think i have a real issue in telling him about how i feel. i have been wondering if he’s been wanting to check up on me since i cried when he told me about my flaws. but, he hasnt asked yet so i guess it’s whatever. but then again, we also havent seen each other in a while. it’s been what, two weeks, going on three weeks now? it does feel a bit weird. but then again, even missing just one sunday left me feeling like i’d been gone for such a long time! and though i was a bit stressed at first with the cross conference meeting and meeting so many new freshmen at once, i am really glad and grateful that i got to spend time with everyone today. i didnt pay too much attention to the cross conference meeting as my attention was divided elsewhere but it sounded good for the most part! it sounds like we’ll be selling calligraphy prints, doing a bake sale, and a benefit concert! im excited to see how it all goes! then, johnathan, amanda, p. josh and i went to the college room to prepare and pray over the meeting for the day and it was really nice to just be able to spend that time with them! p josh pitched a game, i couldnt think of anything better and neither could amanda or johnathan, so we just ran with it! johnathan was full of great ideas today, tbh! he had a lot of little afterthoughts that really contributed to the success of the icebreaker today! it was a bit awkward at first but all the freshmen seem to be really close and im excited to see how many of them stay and choose to invest in the community here! oh! i also prayed for the service today pretty on the spot! p josh legit texted me on my way to church and i sheepishly agreed to it. but i was really feeling the music today and my heart feels so much lighter and happier after having gone to vision camp over the weekend with amanda! so when i got up to the front, i tried to go over everything happening today during the service but more importantly, really tried to be real and genuine with the words that i said and i think that i did. and i later asked elsa if it was a good prayer and she said it was so i guess i did pretty well! ^_^ thank you for speaking through me today, God!

Then, i debated on whether or not to go back downtown or stay in Evanston and God made a way! it seemed like Amanda would go home and i felt bad ditching her and choosing to stay in Evanston and possibly spend time with the freshmen but they ended up not coming! haha. but instead, alex cho, austin, briefly d. bang, daniel kwon, yaeji, johnny, johnathan, p. josh, amanda, christine, and esther were there! and im really only “close” with amanda, p. josh, and johnathan but i think through the icebreaker and just studying together today really brought us all closer together! i held a few conversations with christine, i talked to austin about my client work, i joked around with johnny and the others, i gave my opinion to yaeji both while we were waiting at church and while we were studying and overall, i didnt feel very scared or nervous or pressured. i was just there and enjoyed the moment and the opportunity i got to spend with them. and im glad. i do really want to grow closer in my relationship with them all this coming year. and im hoping we can start through the EC retreat this weekend! im stressed beyond belief with all my responsibilities but im also starting to feel better and more optimistic! as i was typing this, jason randomly messaged me and it was just for a test but it meant a lot to me that he would even think of me to do that. i really hope he and angela are doing okay! i cant imagine how hard this must be for him to have his significant other attending a different church when he has been placed by God at lakeview. maybe it wasnt meant to be or maybe angela just needs to grow on her own apart from us. regardless of the reason, i hope shes doing well. but i also want to give her space bc i do feel partly responsible for why she left. at the end of the day, she was just bitter towards everything but i also didnt help the fact either. but i really do hope chelsea and angela are doing okay! i think the best thing i can do now is to just pray for them and lift them up! i want to genuinely care for them and put them first before myself. i know that i’ve been incredibly selfish and prideful in the past but i really do want to do better. i really do. and only by God’s strength may i do that!

But onto why I was so stressed out earlier. I walked back with Amanda to the train and then took that down with her for most of the ride. We got to know each other on a much deeper level and I want her to know that I will be there for her just as much as she has already been there for me! And I do really hope we can grow deeper in out relationship together. I asked her if she didnt mind sharing why she is such a people pleaser and i learned a lot about her through that! i just paid attention and listened intently and didn’t think of myself at all throughout it. i dont always need to give advice or respond. i just need to be there for her. and i was. so i did. i couldnt relate to her situation but i cared more that she could understand her thought process more than i did about sharing my own feelings. and it did really fill me with joy to do that! im glad we got to spend so much time together and can continue to spend more time together in the near future!

but anyways, she got off at monroe, which was fine, bc i was almost home anyway. BUT, i dont remember exactly where. i think around Roosevelt or maybe Sox-35th...these 4 kids got on and started acting pretty crazily. They were ripping the plastic screen protectors off the windows of the train and rolling them up. Presumably to use later but just to have fun, they started whacking each other with the pieces of plastic. and i was kinda shocked at myself for feeling somewhat paralyzed in the moment and scared. it wasnt bc they were black. it was just bc i didnt know what to do! i was afraid of how they would react or what they would do to me if i spoke up and said something! so instead, i just turned a blind eye and did my best to focus my attention elsewhere and simply look out the window! and i did almost get hit when 2 of the kids were hitting each other on opposing sides of the window and i think thats when the kid next to me noticed me. he was probably about 8 or so years old. he was definitely a child while the others were a bit older ranging from 8-16. but as i tried to politely leave, he grazed my butt with his plastic roll and from behind me, i heard him say, “haha, i touched that girl’s booty!” and i did feel a bit violated but i could chalk that up to being an accident if i really wanted to. so then i waited for my stop and it felt like the longest ride in between the two stops. but i waited and just did my best to ignore the kid and look out the window, ready to leave. to which, he definitely purposefully hit my butt again with the plastic, underneath my buttcheeks and said something along the lines of, “see ya, babe.” and i just sheepishly/nervously smiled and quickly left. and my thoughts were running pretty fast. i was in such shock and didnt think it would bother me as much as it did. i think the fact it was a kid and not an older man to which i actually really did feel helpless was nice but the fact that i was just physically sexually harassed at all surprised me. and i have been catcalled before but this was different! i felt so violated. he knew what he was doing and was proud of himself for having touched me. i felt violated. and i still do. i worry about what my first time having sex will be like if this is how i react to getting touched on the train. but anyways, i quickly told amanda and later my group chat with jordan and tykira and i was worried that they would brush it off and tell me it was no big deal. so i was pretty surprised when they were concerned for my safety and wellbeing instead. to which i responded that i was okay, just shocked. but their genuine concern meant a lot to me! i still cant really believe that happened and i had a really hard time concentrating or focusing on the lyrics of praise songs so i just prayed to God instead about how i do trust somewhere that this experience happened to me for a reason and it could have been a lot worse than it was but it wasnt. it happened and im here and i just have to accept it and move on. i dont know what was going on in that kid’s life and the best thing i can do is to just pray for him and wish him the best.

and finally, i slipped on this but the bathroom flooded at church today and idk who did it or when but i was honestly prepared to leave at first, had it not been for an ahjumma that came in and noticed the mess. and idk... something about that triggered something within me and i quickly ran to get a mop from the MPR and clean it up! it wasnt mine to clean and im sure someone else would have done it later. but for the time being, it was there and it was a mess and getting in the way of everyone’s restroom experience so i took initiative and cleaned up the mess. and honestly, a part of me hoped that p josh or yaeji or amanda or someone would see me or wonder why im taking so long and ask what i was doing. to which, i could humble brag and say i cleaned the restrooms faithfully though it was not my responsibility to do so. but no one asked or noticed my leave of absence. so i ended up just telling amanda instead and she didnt respond very enthusiastically which made me realize that i had made an error in my ways. and now im here, reporting it and reflecting upon it!

but yeah! thats where im at now! i was about to post this but then p josh messaged me about meetups and i started talking to him and im just really so blessed to have gotten to know him so much better over the summer and i reall yam excited to work with him this coming school year! i do believe that he has grown, a lot. and i am very proud of him. thank you for blessing and placing me here, God! I know i was weary at first but i really am so much happier here than i could have ever imagined!

#reflection

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