#being dead for so long but this moment is the recent episode made me cry

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I was listening to some real people comedians (as in, local comedians whom I have met in real life, and can therefore not be considered to have in any way “made it” in comedy, because if they had then they would not be hanging out around me) talk the other day, and they were discussing the concept of “laughs per minute”, and whether it’s a bullshit way to judge comedy. Which I think it usually is, depending on the context. In a really short club set, it probably does matter a lot because you don’t have time to do more than that. In a Stewart Lee Edinburgh hour, he can go 35 minutes setting something up and everyone will just trust that the punchline at the end will be worth it.

Anyway, it got me thinking about the concept, and how I judge comedy in lots of different ways, and what has made me laugh the most – both in terms of most laughs per minute and hardest laughs overall – is not exactly the same as my favourite comedy shows ever. But anything that manages any kind of notable laughs per minute rating is impressive, because lots of shows I really like never clear that bar. If we define a “laugh” as something outwardly expressed and audible, more than just a smile and a nose exhale, then it doesn’t actually happen all that often. I’ll consider a show very successful if it gets me to do that just a few times across an hour.

So I’ve tried to think of what comedy shows have successfully gotten more than that, have made me properly laugh out loud really consistently for their entire runtime (whether that’s an hour or 15 minutes, though obviously it’s more impressive if they can sustain it for longer). If I’m thinking about this across my whole life, I have to take into account the fact that everything’s funnier when you’re a kid, you haven’t already seen every obvious joke so nothing is hack or overdone. I remember the shows I was into as a kid (ages 7 to 14 or so, I think) as the funniest things in the entire world, I used to watch every episode over and over and over. The main ones on rotation being Flying Circus, Blackadder, Fawlty Towers, Mr. Bean, Ripping Yarns, Yes Minister, M*A*S*H, and Cheers.

Now, at 33, I can understand why it’s annoying to have the parrot sketch memorized – because it’s been quoted so often than at this point repeating it is almost like, for example, trying to sell someone something that's long dead and nailed to a perch. At nine, I could recite every word in it, over and over for hours, and it never stopped being funny. As an adult, I’m still pretty sure Blackadder was a work of genius, but I don’t think I’ll ever again find anything as funny as I found Hugh Laurie’s acting power stance when I was eleven years old. I used to wake up at 5:30 AM to watch a few episodes of whatever show I was re-watching at the moment (my list of shows on rotation was heavily determined by what was in my parents’ DVD boxset collection), until I could mouth along to all the lines but they never got less funny.

I did re-watch every episode of all those British shows in 2020 (so everything but M*A*S*H and Cheers, though I’ve rewatched a few episodes of both those recently as well) to see how they held up, and while they didn’t make me cry with laughter the way I did as a kid, I still thought almost all of them were very good. And by “almost all of them”, I mean… look, I think Mr. Bean is just meant to be a kids’ show. I loved it when I first watched it, because that shit’s hilarious when you’re a kid. As an adult, it looked like a kid’s show with a few genuinely funny moments. The turkey on the head is still funny. Playing with the toy Daleks in the Christmas store is still funny. My family still watches the Christmas special every year on that holiday. The rest of it we can probably leave behind.

Anyway, the point is that you can’t count that because I was a kid. Then I think of my favourite comedy shows that I got into as a teenager. Major ones to come to mind are The Thick of It, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Community, Arrested Development, Flight of the Conchords, Freaks and Geeks. My favourite comedy shows of my twenties: Bojack Horseman, Veep, Archer, Brooklyn Nine Nine, The Good Place, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Portlandia, Broad City, Party Down, Bob’s Burgers. I supposed I should add a mention of my mixed and up-and-down longterm relationship with South Park.

I remember a lot of things I’ve loved about those shows besides pure laughs per minute – the characters, the ideas, the atmosphere. I’d go back to certain shows over and over just because I liked the way it made me feel to spend time in the world they created. But for pure, really hard, out-loud laughs? Looking at that list, I think the ones to get the most of those out of me were The Thick of It, Veep, 30 Rock, Arrested Development, and maybe when they were at their best, Portlandia, Archer, and Community could do it. But not all the time. There isn’t really that long a list of comedies that have consistently made me laugh really hard once I wasn’t a kid anymore.

Anyway, that isn’t actually what I was thinking about that made me decide to write this post. The conversation I heard from local comedians, about laughs per minute, made me think of what has done that to me in my thirties, the few years since COVID occurred and I decided to not do anything except British comedy. I have seen and heard and read so much comedy in the last few years, and I have really really loved quite a lot of it. So I was surprised when I realized that I think, if you judge it entirely by out-loud laughs per minute, there aren’t a huge number that come to mind as consistently providing a high rate of those.

In terms of full-length stand-up hours, I think there might still be no one who’s gotten more proper laughs per minute out of me than Rhod Gilbert. All four of his DVD shows are incredible – I think I’d say the first one (The Award Winning Mince Pie) is my favourite, though I might just have a soft spot for the first one I saw, when I first had my eyes opened to that captivating style.

I hesitate a little to comment on his health from the perspective of how much I love his comedy specials, because I don’t want to make something as serious as a person’s life or death about whether I’ll get to hear more comedy specials (I feel the same way about Mark Steel’s current situation – I did make a post a while ago in which I said he has to recover for the sake of Radio Four, but obviously, he has to recover for the sake of himself and his family, even his annoying son, I wish them all the best and it’s not about the comedy fans). But for everyone’s sake, mainly his, God am I ever glad he’s back and by all accounts okay. He’s said he was diagnosed with cancer the day after he recorded his latest special, and you can really tell in that video that he was being slowed down and struggled to match his usual frantic energy levels, but it was still brilliant.

Anyway, I think Rhod Gilbert still wins at laughs per minute from me in stand-up. Proper laughter. Laughing so hard I can’t breathe and have to pause the video so I don’t miss the next bit and end up with tears in my eyes and my throat and stomach hurt. I think Rhod Gilbert has done that to me the most. I’ve tried to think of whose stand-up material might do that to me the second most, and I’m slightly annoyed that I think the main two names that come to mind are Sam Campbell and Nish Kumar. Slightly annoyed because when I look at those two names alongside Rhod Gilbert… okay, is it possible that I might just like being shouted at?

I’m now trying to think of a non-shouty comic who’s done that to me. Kitson, obviously. I think my favourite stand-up hour ever is Daniel Kitson’s Where Once Was Wonder, which is fucking incredible for its ability to get every single aspect right. Brilliant on an emotional level, hitting multiple themes and topics that all have deep emotional resonance and saying original and significant things about them. Brilliant on an intellectual level – every time I listen to it I marvel at the number of layers in its structure, how its conceit of being full of contradictions is embedded in almost every line, how I catch more each time and he points lots of them out but throws even more away. And crucially, brilliant on a humour level. It is consistently, all the way through, hilarious. He probably never goes ten minutes without at least one bit that makes my whole body seize up from laughter until I can’t breathe right.

But honestly, most of the Kitson things that have gotten the highest laugh per minute out of me were not the intricately written shows. I wince at how much he would hate this, but probably, at laughs per minute from me, some of his 2007-2008 Graveyard Triple R radio shows beat some of his best proper stand-up shows. Same with some of his WIP/pre-WIP just messing around shows. There’s some audio footage of a 2007 Late ‘n’ Live night where Daniel Kitson and Andy Zaltzman do an incredibly stupid sketch that has put tears of laughter in my eyes. If you want to know what level of humour we're talking about, that sketch contains the line "That was three ladies booing my dick because it chose the wrong member of We Are Klang to fuck" (which it did, by the way, by which I mean Andy Zaltzman chose wrong while portraying the role of Daniel Kitson's penis, but not for the reasons that this Greg Davies-fancying website would expect, if you'd heard the Triple R shows with Steve Hall you'd understand. He then went on to choose the wrong member of Pappy's Fun Club, what does Andy Zaltzman know about the most attractive members of the most successful British fringe comedy sketch groups of 2007?). It's definitely not better than properly written Kitson shows, or Zaltzman shows, for that matter. But it might have made me laugh out loud more times.

I think It’s the Fireworks Talking is one of the best pieces of performance ever written, but recordings I’ve heard of that have probably made me laugh fewer times than a recording I’ve heard from the Melbourne Festival of when he finished performing It’s the Fireworks Talking and then went into a radio studio to talk shit with David and Claudia O’Doherty all night. Or than the Zaltzman/Kitson penis sketch, put together with everything else from that Late 'n' Live recording.

I know I’m not saying anything new here; I’m hardly the first person to point out that Daniel Kitson is absolutely fucking hilarious when he’s messing around with no script. Lots of people have pointed it out before me, and he has clearly heard those people point it out, as he’s often mentioned that it annoys him, and understandably so. What’s the point of working so hard on proper shows if people just like your unplanned stuff better?

But I don’t think I actually like that stuff better. I don’t think his radio shows are better than It’s the Fireworks Talking (I sort of don’t think penicillin is better than It’s the Fireworks Talking). And this is where I come back to the fact that laughs per minute are not the best way to judge a show (I’d like to clarify at this point that It’s the Fireworks Talking did have quite a high laughs per minute rate out of me, just not as high as Kitson and some O’Doherties getting weirdly competitive about indie music at 3 AM).

Anyway. I think Sam Campbell recently became the first person to make me laugh so hard that I had tears in my eyes, from hearing something that was performed in 2023. He did that with some of his recent stand-up. On Taskmaster he has, more than once, made me laugh loud enough to cause a cat to run across the room (I’m currently catsitting and one of the cats gets easily spooked by sudden noise, so whether I make her jump is a good gauge of whether something’s made me laugh out loud). But only his stand-up has actually made me cry.

I’ve been lucky enough to get to hear quite a bit of recent stand-up in the last couple of months. I’ve really liked a lot of it, but I’m now trying to think of how much of it has actually made me consistently laugh out loud, which is several steps beyond just being funny. I think the only people who’ve done that are Sam Campbell, Olga Koch, Nish Kumar, Greg Larsen, Sarah Keyworth, and Fern Brady. Which actually isn’t that short a list, but it’s a shorter list than the list of comedians I’ve enjoyed at all in the last couple of months.

Anyway, I didn’t start writing this post because of stand-up. I started writing this post because of a conversation I heard some comedians have the other day, but I started thinking of that conversation, and decided I wanted to write a post about that conversation, because I was re-watching some No More Jockeys today. And fucking hell, I have to say, this is supporting the theory that laughs per minute can come so much from unscripted shows that it could justifiably make comedians despair as they wonder what the point is of honing their craft. I’ve listened to a bunch of Tim Key’s properly written stuff in the last few days (went on a bit of a binge of his radio show and some of his old stand-up), absolutely loved it, it’s intelligent and funny and very well written stuff, but it still didn’t make me laugh out loud quite as hard as No More Jockeys does. Almost nothing makes me laugh out loud quite as hard as No More Jockeys does.

I tried to think of some non-stand-up thing that makes me laugh as hard/loud/often as No More Jockeys. The Bugle has managed it, at its best. I've only heard a few episodes of Pappy's Fun Club, but that's done it at times. Catsdown at its best has accomplished it.

The main thing I can think of that's done it really consistently is Taskmaster, but even that probably loses to NMJ at laughs per minute. It’s up there, though. Beats a lot of scripted sitcoms at it, including some really good scripted sitcoms. So from Taskmaster and No More Jockeys, you get the laughs, and the fun of getting emotionally invested in following a competitive game. Why are people still bothering to craft well written sitcom worlds?

This post has been massively disjointed, I think I've hit about six different topics since I've started, somehow including who's the most attractive member of Pappy's Fun Club. I finally have a weekend to myself and have decided I feel like writing things again, and it's started with this. I don't think there was any point to it. All I was really trying to say is I can't believe how fucking funny No More Jockeys is.

Mark Watson desperately, pleadingly trying to argue with Alex Horne about whether Donald Duck has been to prison – I'm sorry but I don't think Rowan Atkinson has done anything funnier than that in his entire life. He's done lots of things that are better than that. But not that can make me laugh harder than that while I'm over the age of 30.

[hbt-fangirl-4-life]

Marinette has TOXIC FRIENDS

Okay, there is something that I have noticed that I feel like nobody ever talks about. ALYA IS TOXIC(including most of Marinette’s friend group). Weather you believe me or not this is why I think this:

-they believed lies/rumors that lie-la 🙄 said on multiple occasions.

-The episode (season3, episode23,”ladybug”) where lie-la accused Marinette of stealing her necklace and pushing her down the stairs. People from her best friend group including her bestie friend ,Alya, believed her for a moment. 

-(With personal experience an NON-TOXIC friend is supposed to be on your side until you're proven guilty (or just stay by your side in general.))

-In a recent  episode (season5,episode 20,”Revelation”). Marinette is accused of calling lila an idiot. When Lila runs out the room (fake crying like the fake b***h she is) Alya said something indicating that she believed that Marinette called Lila an “idiot” (she is more than just that). 

Quotes from the episode:

“I’m sorry I'm going to withdraw my candidacy. Marinette convinced me. She’s right to call me an idiot and to say that what i’m trying to do is pointless” -Lila

“I didn't say-”’-Marinette 

“I’m having a really bad day. The truth is I didn't quit. Gabriel Agreste fired me. I loved helping people so much, being their assistant on their Alliances, and now I feel completely useless. So, when I saw Chloe, I was convinced that this could be a new way for me to help myself be useful, to feel like I,too, might belong somewhere. Even though wherever I go there's always someone rejecting me. But if marinette is right, and there’s no hope for Chloe, Then there's no more hope for me either.” -Lila

“I think you went a bit too far. You shouldn't have called her an Idiot!” -Alya(aka marinette's supposed best friend)

-The only healthy friends that Marinette has are Adrien(her bae), Luka(ex bae), Kagami, Zoe, Tikki(kwami),Melynn(forgot how to spell her name), and Ivan. (probably more i just am to lazy to list them all)

-If you watched the episode you should know that Marinette did not indeed call Lila an “Idiot” 

-Yes we all know that Marinette has always not liked lila but marinette would not give lila the reaction she wanted or the time of day. 

There is so much more evidence that Marinette's friend group isn't very healthy for her but these are the main ones that stuck out to me. In conclusion Marinette needs to learn how to identify who is a real friend and who isn't. She already has enough on her shoulders with being the Guardian and having to get the miraculous from the monarch (and attempting to defeat him). She has to balance her double life and having healthier friends would lift some off her shoulder. 

*come back from the dead*

This took far too long to write but here it is. Finally, something to actually post on Tumblr. I hope you enjoyed reading. My bad for any mistakes I made. 

#adrien agreste #miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #lila rossi #mlb #mlb fandom

[danwhobrowses]

Why I M O, Pokeshipping is dead. ( kinda hot take, sorry pokeshippers. )

Now as to what your here for, what killed pokeshipping. There are 3 main contributors to the death of pokeshipping.

1.) The length of time from when misty was replaced to now,

2.) Serena and Amourshipping

3.) The Pokémon sun and moon Anime.

The length of time from when misty was replaced to now. Now while this might not have been much of an issue if the other 2 bullet points didn’t exist, it has been over a decade at this point, since we last saw misty, meaning that we have a severe lack in character development, and that gives time for other potentially better ships to be created, which leads me to my next point,

Serena and Amourshipping. Possibly one of the biggest ships right now, (which at this point isn’t going to fizzle out anytime soon. ) With Amourshipping going so far, as to introduce a major plot point in ash’s story by having Serena be his childhood acquaintance, many other points that multiple poketubers like Catch ‘Em All Saul, bring up in their videos from years past, to the kiss, and even the writers basically confirming the darn thing.

Amourshipping Confirmed?

So at this point, ( unless they throw all that away, which please. Don’t. ) there is next to no hope of pokeshipping to ever become cannon, which is only further proven by my last point,

The Pokémon sun and moon anime. Now, this is honestly the iceberg that sank the ship, because Brock and Misty returned twice in the Sun and Moon anime, which I’m pretty sure was for let’s go promotion. Now this is where all hope is lost for pokeshipping because even though they returned twice, Misty had literally zero emotional moments with ash whatsoever. No pokeshipping pandering, no flashbacks, nothing. Here’s another video explaining that further.

Now while the only good thing to come out of the re-return episodes was Brock possibly finally finding a girlfriend,

Brock x Olivia

This was the point of no return for Misty and pokeshipping in general. Misty, even though she returned twice, in the most recent anime, had literally no development, and nothing to show how she grew as a character since her absence, her return seems pointless and devoid of substance, and with another ship still gaining popularity at an exponential rate, I’m sorry pokeshippers, but,

It’s time to pay your respects, and move on.

R.I.P Pokeshipping: 1997-2019

Oh wow, a return visit.

I'm clearly not here for this seminar you've thrown onto me but since you have invited me to critique your opinion in hearty debate I will pose the following:

1 - It has been 3 years, dub and sub, since Misty's last full anime appearance (SM103), in addition her silhouette also makes an appearance in the Journeys series - episode 18, 2 years ago. No matter how long it has been, Misty always tends to show up in every series in some shape or form, that longevity does indeed mean something regarding both her popularity and her appeal to fans and writers.

2 - I don't want to trample on Amourshipping, we've hit a period where the bitter wars you try to revitalise with this attempt to attack Pokéshippers has dwindled, people are respectful again. What I will say is, in my personal opinion, Amourshipping is not the 'better ship', that is purely a subjective matter. For me, Amourshipping was in fact hugely detrimental to Serena's character growth, and made her less of what she could've been in the series. Being someone Ash met in the past is a far cry to actual attachment, but I would never refute that Serena does have feelings for Ash - despite in my mind being incompatible with each other. When the kiss happened, many Amourshippers acted like it was a victory lap, and that Pokéshippers had gone quiet to acknowledge that. In truth, Pokéshippers like myself see it for what it actually is: Serena kisses Ash, then walks away. While this acts as a strong pro for the Amourshipping department it does not count as canonizing the relationship, if so then Ash will have then cheated on Melody and either Bianca or Latias who had also kissed him. We can dig deeper into such matters like Ash deciding not to follow up on that and simply going home and then to Alola without a care, or how it is never brought up since even when Ash and Serena crossed paths in the Journeys series, but that's a tiresome debate to be had that I'd rather not indulge. Conclusively on this point, Amourshipping is just as not-canon as Pokéshipping, we each have our receipts but at the end of the day Ash is not currently in a relationship.

3 - I wonder about that statement, because when Serena came back in Journeys I saw no such hints or 'pandering' for Amourshipping. However, if I asked an Amourshipper if they found ship hints in that episode I think they may disagree with my thoughts, in that same vein I disagree with your sentiment too. In the 3 SuMo episodes where Misty appears there are plenty of Pokéshipping moments, flashbacks and emotional moments - including a peaceful walk on the sunset beach where Ash talks about all the things he wants to show Misty around Alola. In terms of development she has had some in having acquired Mega Evolution, she has trained Psyduck to both learn how to swim and control his psychic powers, she has overtaken her sisters as the De Facto gym leader, and has enough status to be invited by Kukui as guest lecturers in his Pokémon School so she's still developing.

Brock and Olivia's romance was fun but it has no weight in this argument, no idea why you're trying to cite it as such. As for 'other ships growing at an exponential rate' what ship do you think you're talking to? Any new ship Journeys provides is no straw on our backs, and surely that applies to all past-companion ships.

In conclusion, your essay needs a lot of work. It lacks proper citation from unbiased sources, not to mention factual information. Your three points end up contradicting one another as if Amourshipping is exempt from the same things you feel Pokéshipping suffers, even though Serena's gap between XY and Journeys twice as long as Misty's last SuMo appearance and that, as you pointed out, other ships since ours have entered into existence. The Brock/Olivia strawman does not help your case either, nor does the choice of audience. So your essay has inevitably failed in its intention to make me 'give up' on a ship I love, but in all fairness this was never going to work.

I'm not quite sure if you do this to try and antagonize or try and get people to express why they love a ship by issuing conflict, but realistically there are better places you could focus your energy on. For the most part I do think you're after attention, and you want to see how long people will play your silly games, but if you really do believe in what you're saying I actually think you're scared, scared of 2 words and one big number:

Pokéshipping: 1997-present

#I'd say nice try but it really wasn't #D+ essay at best #no contents bibliography or appendices not even a title page #your explanations are separate to your list which is a poor structure #bear in mind I'm being generously polite here #we've been going for 25 years you really think you can stop us? #is it so hard to let people ship what they want? #pokéshipping #pokeshipping #satokasu #ashmisty #ash x misty #so to repeat: insert captain america no I don't think I will meme #also Luke Skywalker's every word of what you just said was wrong meme #Get a load of this Electric Boogaloo

[redjademilktea]

For the CR ask game questions: Dwarf, rogue, and barbarian! ☺️

HI HI thanks for the ask <3

dwarf: what is your favorite one-shot

It has the be the Elder Scrolls Online three parter they did before campaign 3 kicked off!! Does that count as a one-shot? I'm counting it as a one-shot. I already love the setting of Tamriel, but there was something so charming about the low-stakes "Hey, we're just trying to run a tavern here" vibe of the characters and plot. I still think about Sam reading off that incredibly long-winded order full of restaurant slang before rolling a natural 1 to finish off the episode xD

Oh, and Laura was playing a barbarian that was wonderful too!!

rogue: what was a moment that made you cry

You know this more than anyone, but Laudna dying was probably the most devastated over a fictional death in a long, long time. There was the inherent teseness of the emotional stakes in the moment (that Otohan fight, like the more recent one, was BRUTAL), of course. But, after the dust settled (both literally and figuratively), the tragedy of the situation regarding Laudna and her story really set in for me. That moment really clarified for me how much I love that spooky dead tree lady!!

barbarian: who is your favorite villain

Oh! Tough one!!! Can you count Liliana as a villain? I guess that's the really compelling part of her character because I can see the argument in all its facets. There's that tweet that always gets brought up about how Imogen has all the makings of a classic villain, motivations and all, but actively chooses to be good. And I think it's a wonderful story choice to have Liliana serve as that foil for her.

Liliana misses tending to the horses too. Liliana also dealt with the trauma, isolation, and loneliness brought upon her via her Ruidusborn nature. Liliana's only crime up until the point she joined the Ruby Vanguard was - much like Imogen - simply being born when a cursed moon housing an ancient god killer decided to flare.

It's these parallels that make Imogen's struggles with her mother so visceral. Imogen understands Liliana's motivations. She understands her struggles. But, most importantly, she simply can't understand the choices Liliana made regarding the Vanguard, working with Ludinus, etc. Why can't she just leave? Push back against the pull of Predathos? Why can't she see the harm she's causing, especially to someone she supposedly loves? Imogen can and has. What's so different about Liliana's situation? What is piece is Imogen missing from this puzzle?

It's no wonder why Imogen has those same feelings of abandonment trudged up every time Liliana - in Imogen's eyes - makes the choice to stay. Further, it's no wonder why Imogen can never fully let go of the prospect that her mother could be saved.

They are so similar after all. If Imogen could just figure out the right words to say. Find the right time to say them. If she just knew what thing she could do to hammer home the fact that the daughter she's so desperate to save is right there in front of her. A daughter that wants nothing more than for her mother to come home.

(Well, other than a dead lady who spookily animates random objects as a girlfriend, but she already has that).

I'm excited to see where the story goes regarding Liliana. Regardless of how it plays out, it's bound to lead Imogen to such fascinating places on a character level, and I can't wait!!

#ask games

[spacecadetspe]

Jan. 10, 2024

Happy New Year. And boy, what a new year it is.

I've recently acquired an apprentice, and she is quite a lot like I was when I started. Eager to learn, overly excited, and eager to be friends with every entity that crosses her path. I'll call her Metis, since that was one of her first lives.

So we divined her true name, got her in touch with her guides, and let her spend a night in the Forge. A series of fairly safe bets for a budding practitioner. She asks questions about everything, sometimes so quickly she doesn't hear the answers. There are days when I have to repeat stories, or reasons for what I do, just because she's excited and talkative.

I'm not terribly mad about the arrangement.

We spent the last couple of days exploring the Dream World and meeting a few of the Oneiroi, where she got advice from Phobetor and Zoe about what to do next.

Yesterday was her first real battle. She was excited when an entity appeared in her room, half woman, half spider. She thought it was Arachne. It definitely was not. It was an entity known as a Jorogumo, a predatory entity that lures people in with her voice. With my instruction, my apprentice killed the spider spirit and rescued another from her webbing.

We left the gory battleground for a long soak in a hot tub in Artists' Alley, and then I showed my apprentice her spiritual path and all the connections she had. Many of them were dead weight, or the ones she was connected to weren't putting any effort into maintaining the connection. So we started culling. And the darkness started flowing out.

One of the shadows was more insistent than the others. He was flirtatious and flattering, very handsome, prepared to give gifts and compliments at every turn. It took me nearly a full day to figure out who he was supposed to be. But much of what he gave... was themed. Pearls. Seashells. Dresses made from scales. Okeanos. He insisted on engaging the two of us, and was being persistent in pushing my boundaries. I told him off and managed to set an appointment for the morning, and then attempted to settle in for the night.

I had a discussion with Morpheus about a few dream techniques and taboos, and as my energy waned I found myself slipping into a depressive episode. I remembered a botched dream from last year; of holding my son in my arms as he died. I remembered all the things leading up to that dream. The death of my grandmother, the sale of my father's ancient lands, the brutal curse on the elder oneiroi, the loss of connection to Cure... the emotional lashing I'd gotten from one of my closest advisors...

All culminating in that terrible dream. I had sat on the edge of a building in someone's mindscape and dared to wonder for just a moment if gravity still worked.

Morpheus sat with me, and saw me spiraling, and started calling out to anyone who would come.

"I love you." I threw the words out like a lifeline. Like a flare gun. Please somebody catch hold. Please, somebody pull me out of the dark. And the rope pulled taut. From all around me there came soft, solemn whispers in reply.

"I love you."

"I love you."

"I love you."

And before I knew it, I had fallen into a deep, comfortable sleep.

I processed for most of the night. And then, in the morning, Metis' dream entity waltzed in like he owned the place and began showering us with gifts, affection, and promises of eternity.

It put me off. He wanted to follow us around. Prove himself to her and to me. He wanted to be part of my court. Wanted to give us a tour of his palace. Told Metis it was home, if she wanted it. Gave her a mound of Chthonic money he'd somehow negotiated with Hades. Probably against Hades' better judgment.

Overwhelmed and feeling like he was going to use her up again, Metis started crying. I told her to go back to my chambers and curl up in front of the fire while I had a conversation with Okeanos.

"What have you done?"

"Me? Okeanos, you're love-bombing her. This is a girl who has gotten so used to being used for sex that she knows a pattern of red flags when she sees it!"

He pauses. "Is that why you were wary about accepting gifts?"

"Absolutely. I don't know you. I don't trust you. Giving me things doesn't mean you won't hurt me or her the first chance things go awry."

He looks away.

"Look, I know I'm coming off as a hardass."

"Yes you are."

"But." I held up a finger in his face. "I'm not here to make her decisions for her. I'm here to be her voice of reason. If she decides not to trust you, that will be entirely her choice."

"Somehow I doubt you won't be influencing her."

"After all this time? It doesn't take much! She's been pushed around by two kings, shitty generals, her mother, and several lovers besides you." She reaches to me and says he's still trying to contact her, coax her, coerce her. I cut him off. "And if you don't get the fuck out of her head, I will remove your soul from your body."

"You can't do that."

"Do you really want to find out?" He is quiet, startled. "I destroyed Olympus. I killed Ananke. I have slain much bigger prey than you, and I will do it again."

Okeanos watched me carefully, noticing the glimmer of rage in my eyes. Then he looked at the floor.

"If I can't make you understand the importance of you earning her trust, and not just giving her stuff and coercing her into bed, then I'm not sure you deserve to be in her life."

He looks up at me. "And your court?"

"Forget my court. The only reason you want to be in my court is because your daughter is my apprentice. That doesn't benefit me or what I do. When you find me a compelling reason why I should reconsider, then I will. Until then, you need to think about this a little more carefully and quit acting like a desperate teenage boy."

"... I could curse you both..."

"Then you do that. Use the threat of violence to get what you want. Doesn't that sound like someone we know? Zeus? Hera? Ye gods, are you really so different from any of them?"

"I am different."

"Then prove it, Okeanos. Just because you've been around longer doesn't make you any more or less like the very entities you despise." I took off the necklace and the dress and dropped them at his feet. "Grow up, Okeanos. If I hear from you again, I'll burn you to ashes."

He continued threatening and berating Metis telepathically until she severed her link with him. The exertion of all that power caused her nose to bleed.

I called over a few dreamlings to help calm her down, and we sat in front of the fireplace eating loukomades and vegging out until we got another visitor. This time it was from the opposite end of the spectrum.

Aether. He was eager. Excited. Talking very fast, and yet being very straightforward and, for lack of a better word, cute. Absolutely golden retriever energy. And despite his high energy levels, my headache, and Metis' nosebleed, I was starting to like him. An astral guide through and through. He got both of us and Metis' friendly house spirit to sign a contract, and off he went to "make the world a better place."

We might very well have our work cut out for us.

#mythology and folklore #dreams #spicy psychology #trauma #magic #tw abuse

[rina-writes]

Mistakes Part II

Parts: I, II, III, IV

Warnings: AFAB!reader, References pandemic/mask-wearing, angst and then fluff, a teeny bit of suggestive language

Summary: It’s been awhile since you’ve seen Jack and you just want to forget that night ever happened. However, you’ve been on his mind this whole time.  He’s praying he gets to see you again.

Tears stung your eyes as you sat in the oversized bathtub.  Katrine told you that a bubble bath would make you feel better, but now you were crying in your bathtub instead of on the couch. It had been two weeks since her birthday party and you still felt humiliated.  This was why you never made the first move.  Guys were always sneaky.  You left on a flight back home the next day.  You went into work like it was normal, tossing yourself into your routine to numb the pain during the day. It was at night and over the weekend when you felt completely hopeless.  You cried at random times and got upset over everything.  

You closed yourself off from friends and did your best to put on for close family.  Katrine had reached out to reveal that she learned about Jack’s secret girlfriend. That at least helped  you to open up a bit, but you still weren’t ready to talk about him. It was painful.

You drained the tub and reached for a towel to wrap yourself in.  You walked over to your phone to turn off the music, no longer masquerading the sound of your sniffles.  You saw a missed called from Katrine and frowned. She was more of a texter.  You called her back and put it on speaker.

“Oh my god!” Katrine yelled into her phone.  “Can you FaceTime?”

“Uhm, I’m kinda naked.” You looked down at your towel.  “So if you don’t mind me being a floating head, then go for it.”

The call turned into FaceTime and you saw Katrine’s frantic face.  It looked like she had just come back from a run or something.  She turned the camera to face her laptop where there was a headline. It was a headline about Jack and a “Mystery girl”.  Underneath was a picture of you kissing Jack.  Your face was obscured by Jack’s and given that you weren’t wearing any of your own clothes, no one would recognize you.  

However, you recognized you and that freaked you out enough.

“KATRINE!!” You screamed. “HOW?!”

“I know, I know!” Katrine cooed.  “I am guessing there must have been some paps waiting for us after the party.  They may have come early, recognized Jack and snapped some photos.  Luckily these are the only ones.”

The photos did look like they were taken from far away, in passing.  You could see if they were looking for a spot and snapped a picture. In the five minutes it took for your Uber to arrive, they could have missed the rest of your debacle.

“I hate this.” You groaned, tears spilling down your cheeks again. Your voice cracked. “Now, my most embarrassing moment and homewrecker episode is immortalized.”

“You are not a homewrecker!” Katrine yelled.  “And if anything this picture shows it. I mean that butt grab was serious.”

You would have laughed if you didn’t feel dead inside.  “Well, I hope his girlfriend gets out now that she sees his scum.”

Katrine didn’t say anything. It was a long enough silence that you noticed.

“Okay, what?” You asked her impatiently.

“Well, I heard through the grapevine aka his best friend Urban that his girlfriend didn’t even care.” Katrine had flipped the camera back to her face.  “Apparently, she was like ‘this is to be expected if you’re famous.’ Then she said it would bring him more publicity too.”

“Well…at least she’s understanding.” You said, ignoring the gross feeling in your stomach. 

“Understanding?” Katrine scoffed. “If Calvin hooked up with another girl, I would be livid. He can be popular by doing his job not by kissing random women. And Urban agrees.  He thinks that she’s in it for the fame.  Apparently they are childhood friends who started dating recently.”

“They maybe perfect for each other then.  Jack clearly can’t open up his mouth and say he’s taken.  She doesn’t care. I’m sure there are plenty of girls who will be happy with that arrangement.” You said, your tears finally subsiding.   “Do you think this will be bad?”

“I’m sure this will blow over.  He’s not that popular yet.” Katrine said, reassuringly.

“Hey, Y/N?” Katrine’s voice was soft.  “Urban also said Jack feels terrible about what happened. It’s clear he hasn’t been himself since the incident. And he feels worse about not being able to contact you.”

“DO NOT give him my number.” You said loudly.  “I don’t care. He should feel terrible. I feel horrid. I will never forgive him for humiliating me so many times in one night only to make me look like a whore.”

“Sorry…” Katrine muttered. “For everything.”

Your eyes softened and you released your frown. “Hey, I don’t want to put a damper on your birthday celebration. Overall, I had fun, it just didn’t turn out exactly how I wanted.”

“I know, I’ll catch you later.”

“Alright.”  You smiled. “I’ll visit again in a couple of months.  Be safe.”

Except in the couple of months it was March 2020.  The whole world went into lockdown.  Your workplace shifted into work from home and you struggled to find work life balance. You slowly forgot about your issues with Jack. However, the world was starting to see Jack as a household name.  And Jack couldn’t stop thinking about you for a second.

It was October 2021, almost two years since Jack last saw you.  Yet, he couldn’t get you out of his head.  Shortly after you stormed out of his life, he was so pleased when he saw you liking Katrine’s posts on Instagram.  He was disappointed when he realized your account was private.  He couldn’t muster the courage to add you after what happened, so he found solace in the occasional likes and comments you made on your mutuals’ posts.  Your interactions were always buried since they didn’t have a lot of likes, so it was like a scavenger hunt for him.  You were always encouraging and witty.  It almost pained him to think about how much hurt he caused you those years ago.  He learned from Urban via Katrine how you were fairing these days.  It wasn’t a lot, but just hearing things like you weren’t crying and that you were dating again made him feel happy. He had broken up with girlfriend a year ago, but the argument was still fresh in his mind.

“For the love of God, Jack.” His girlfriend threw her hands up in the air.  “I’m SO sorry that I wasn’t angry at a girl for wanting to hook up with you for fame. I mean look at the Kardashians, do you think they would survive if they broke up with their man every time they cheated?  I’m an INFLUENCER. I have tolerance for things other girls don’t.”

“That’s not the problem. The problem is that I had an emotional connection with her that I realize I don’t have with you.  She listens to me.”  Jack sighed.  “You are so caught up about images and looks.  When was the last time you laughed at one of my jokes?”

“The last time you said something funny, I guess?” She shrugged. “Look, Jack, she and I are not too different.  She laughed at all your jokes and flirted with you because she saw up and coming talent and wanted to sink her claws in. I already KNOW you’re going to be famous and I don’t have to pretend anymore.”

“So, you were pretending?” Jack scoffed.  “Trust me, she’s nothing like you.”

“How do you know? You talked for her for like two hours.  At least with me, you know what you’re going to get.  She just liked you because of your fame.”

“That’s just it, I think she liked me despite it.”  Jack sighed. “She hated taking pictures. Katrine told Urban she had a complete meltdown when she saw the pap photos of us too.  She just seemed like she wanted to be around me for me.”

“Wow, then she’s a better actress than I am.” His girlfriend shrugged.

“Or maybe she doesn’t see me as a business proposition.” Jack countered. “I think it’s clear that you and me are done…”

It may have cost Jack a few insurance dollars thanks to slashed tires and sugar in his gas tank, but he was happy he broke things off with his ex.  Since then, he couldn’t touch alcohol or talk seriously with a woman.  He could flirt, sure, but he had definitely gotten better at saying no. It was almost like he was protecting himself for the right person.

Jack stared at his Instagram story.  His next show was going to be in your city.  He knew you didn’t follow a single thing that he did.  He knew it was crazy to hope you would be there.  But, somehow, he hoped that when he posted this after party that you would show up.

Standing outside of club of the after party for Jack’s concert felt unreal.  You were wearing a little black dress and a long jacket since it was cold.  You stared at his face on the flyer and sighed.  The face you tried to forget almost two years ago was now all over the place.  At first you avoided it, but soon you fell down the rabbit hole.  You were watching TikToks with his songs, you saw all his interviews, and even jammed to his latest album.  He had talent, but most importantly he seemed genuine.  You were still mad that he lied to you, but you couldn’t ignore that he acted the same in-person as he did in interviews.  You also saw a maturity in him that you didn’t see when you first met.  You knew you had also grown since then and hoped that seeing Jack would be good for you. 

You walked into the after party club with a couple of friends.  You showed IDs and then went straight to the bar.  You decided to go with a ginger ale, thinking about Jack the night you met. Your eyes scanned the packed room as you adjusted your mask on your face.  It was your first time out in awhile and it was surreal.  Even with people wearing masks, it felt quite like the new normal.  Your eyes found Jack sitting with his usual crew.  He didn’t see you which allowed you to watch him unashamed.  He was wearing a maroon button down and black slacks.  It was well tailored to him making him look fit. He was wearing rimless glasses that looked a bit hipster, but worked well.  He was talking with his boys as he scanned the crowd.  Girls were doing almost anything to get his attention.  You felt too embarrassed to join in so you just sipped your drink.  Little did you know, your face was all it took.

Jack’s heart leaped into his throat when he saw you.  He did a double take. He had spent the entire night mistaking other girls for you.  But this was definitely you. You still did that thing where you dodged cameras by backing yourself into corners.  He smiled softly.  You looked good. You looked content.  He almost didn’t want to ruin it by talking to you. But, why would you come here if you didn’t want to see him.  When the attention of the crowd was turned to the DJ, Jack made his move.  He borrowed a hat from a friend and slinked around the back of the club to where you were.  You were not too far from the restrooms behind a pillar.  Your friends were not too far away, chatting with a few people. Jack saw you glancing toward the VIP section, your eyes clearing searching for something.  He smiled softly and took a deep breath. He tapped you on the shoulder.

You turned around slowly and a breath caught in your throat.  Jack put a finger to his lips to shush you and gestured toward a “Restricted Area” door.  You nodded.  You sent a quick text to one of your friends that you would be back and followed him.  The area looked to be a lounge for the club staff with a few people relaxing inside. It was noticeably quieter, but not so quiet that you couldn’t talk freely.

“May I?” Jack asked, stretching his arms out for a hug.

You smiled. “Yes, of course.”  You hugged him and the smell of his cologne filled your nose. He smelled so good. It was fresh, but a bit spicy. It reminded you of that night, but the parts of the night that you were embarrassed that you enjoyed, like that kiss. You pulled down your mask to below your chin.

“Congratulations.” You said with a smile.  “You are the most popular man right now.”

“I dunno about that…” Jack laughed.  “But, thank you. How have you been?”

“Good, good.” You nodded. “My company did really well in the pandemic actually. I got promoted. I can’t complain, but I guess I do feel a little guilty in that sense.”

“It is unfortunate, the have and the have not divide during the pandemic…” 

Before you knew it, you two were talking about everything. Politics, trends, music, memes--it was like a recap of the last two years.  You found yourself laughing with Jack again and excited to share with him.  You could feel yourself falling into the same trap.

“So,” You said when there was a lull. “I heard that your broke up with her.  Was it because of…”

“Kind of.” Jack said, looking away.  “I realized I was comparing her to you. I wanted talking to her to be as exciting as it was when I was talking to you.  When I told her, I was angry that she wasn’t upset about it.  I realized I didn’t want to be with someone who saw me as a stepping stone in their career.  I also realized it was selfish to not be honest if you are not mentally with someone. It only leads to someone getting hurt.”

“Oh.” It was all you could muster. “I’m sorry I reacted like that. Back then. I was embarrassed and hurt.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.”  Jack sighed. “I’m not the kind of guy that talks to multiple women. My friends say it was a sign I was over my ex, but that doesn’t make me think I’m less trash.”

“That’s a crappy way of seeing it.  But they are right to remind you that you’re not trash.” You smiled. “You’re actually a great guy who made a mistake and learned from it. Good for you.”

“Thanks.” Jack said in a way that said he wasn’t sure if he was being complimented. “How about you? Are you seeing anyone?”

“No, I’m not.” You smiled.  “You?”

“No, 100% no.” Jack said quickly, making you laugh.

“Well, I hope you’re not expecting anything. I mean you are the kind of guy that gets seduced easily. I don’t know if I want that kind of stress in my life.” 

For the first time, you saw a frazzled Jack stammering his reply.  It wasn’t until you cracked a smile that he relaxed.  You were teasing him, kind of.

“I have no expectations, but I would like to get to know you. Slowly.”  He took your hand in his and massaged the back of it with his thumb. He swallowed. “I do really like you. And I want you to get to know the real me.”

“I’d be happy to, Jack.” You smiled.  “Now, get back out there before your fans get disappointed.”

Jack leaned in toward your cheek and then whispered in your ear, “May I?”

“You may.” You said as you tilted your cheek towards him. He gave you a soft kiss that you felt down to your toes.  “Good night, Jack.”

“Good night, Y/N.” He gave your hand one last squeeze before dashing off.

#jack harlow #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader #r-writes-fic

[doctorofmagic]

My thoughts on What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?

The very title of the episode sends a shiver down my spine. And this is where we’re going to start.

~ long post under the cut ~

A year ago, I wrote this post as an attemp to dive into one of the most important traits in Doctor Strange’s personality: love. Stephen is a being made of love, made to love, no matter which interpretation you have when you watch Infinity War. If you don’t read comic books, you’ll understand the moment you meet Donna. You’ll begin to understand how her death reshaped his entire subjectivity out of fear of failing, being powerless and unable to control everything around him (especially death), thus the arrogant and yet a disaster of a man we all know.

Where do I even start? Stephen loved her sister deeply and felt responsible for her death. And then, slowly, he also lost his parents and his brother. He fell in love with Clea but he also pushed her away. He loved Zelma platonically and lied to her, which was enough for them to break their bond. He felt attracted to Kanna but screwed things up, even though they remain friends. He was forced to kill the Ancient One, the only father figure he had ever since his father died. And lastly, the only person who would never leave his side... also left. Yes, even Wong. Stephen has SO much love to give but he’s also afraid because he’s cursed. He truly believes his love in poison. And would you look at that? What If really delivered a story where this is actually true.

What If Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?

The level of understanding when it comes to the character is... inconceivable. What could possibly reshape Stephen into following a dark path but love? The very premise of the whole episode. This is so much more than a love letter. This is literally too much, in all senses.

Fine, let’s begin.

What if the best of intentions has very strange consequences?

No. You used the word “strange” for the pun but this is not the word. Nah-ah. I’d go with ATROCIOUS, for starters. Things are gonna escalate so quickly, my friends.

Seriously, tho? Christine is SO SO SO SO beautiful, they’re so cute together. I have this feeling that MCU!Stephen was quite toxic because of his arrogance and this is why they didn’t work out. But WhatIf!Stephen???????? He’s always praising her, teasing her in a healthy way, respecting her and listening to her. HE TRULY LOVES HER, I’M GONNA CRY ALL OVER AGAIN, PLEASE, NOT THE CRÈME BRÛLÉE, PLEASE

I’m going to leave this shot here because we need to go back to it later. Hold that thought.

And bonus points to “Yeah, well, I would call that quite remarkable.” / “Well, I would say the same about you.”

GODS. THE PAIN. STOP THE PAIN.

So in this reality, Stephen didn’t caused the car accident because he was checking his phone while driving. Also it was not the reckless attempt to pass the truck. Well, maybe it was the consequence of this act? The fact is, the car behind them loses control, which makes them crash. Does it matter? We’ll learn later that no, it doesn’t.

And yep... Christine dies. Have you noticed the shattered heart? Ah, the pain only gets better and better.

Again, Stephen blames himself. More than anything, this is so important because Stephen is all about guilt. We still need to meet Donna so we can add yet another layer of guilt. But the feeling exists. This is what corrupts Stephen’s heart and soul in all his iterations. This is what makes him the character I love so much. I love this SO. MUCH. In addition, his stubbornness to accept his condition. Man won’t take a no. This, this is Doctor Strange in character. Stop complaining about NWH Stephen, it’s pathetic.

Okay, “grief-stricken”, Stephen found the Mystic Arts and became a sorcerer. That’s when he learned about the Time Stone, the Eye of Agamotto and Dormammu. Nothing changes, he saves the universe. But time does not heal his deepest wound.

I love Wong so much. Every time Wong does something, the world is healed. Really. We’re going back to him as well but for now I’ll just leave this shot.

BUT STEPHEN, DOING SOMETHING RECKLESS? HE’D NEVAH

Aaaaaaaannnnnnd then he did.

He goes back in time. It’s been two years since he lost Christine. I think he reacted pretty nicely, despite the circumstances. Now let’s go back to that shot I said I was saving for later.

Stephen is so light-hearted here. Also, during the first time he lost Christine, he had no idea what “The Price is Right” was. He knows now, which means he probably tried to learn more about the show because of her, because of grief. HAHAHA MORE PAIN

AND THEN HE

AND THEN SHE DIES AGAIN

AND THEN HE KEEPS GOING BACK IN TIME

AND SHE KEEPS DYING

AND THE MUSIC

AND HIS VOICE

AND HE TRIES TO CHANGE FATE BUT IT CAN’T BE AVERTED

HE EVEN TRIES TO STAY AWAY FROM HER LIFE BUT SHE DIES ALL THE SAME, WHY

AND EVERY TIME THEY CRASH, HE FEELS THE PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL PAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN, WHY

I’M-- *ugly sobbing noises*

Apparently, not.

And this scene when he simply... closes his eyes before she dies again...?

This is where this episode had me in endless tears. It got me the four times I watched it. I’m dead serious.

Okay, so, next the Ancient One appears to Stephen, explaining that Christine’s death is an Absolute Point in time. It cannot be changed. Stephen needs the accident to become the Sorcerer Supreme and defeat Dormammu.

And this is where Stephen starts his journey into darkness. “Nothing is impossible, you taught me that. I only require more power.” Disobeying the Ancient One, Stephen then travels in time, seeking the Library of Cagliostro. Now, if you’re not aware of that, Cagliostro was a sorcerer who studied time in comics, and later became Sise-Neg (there’s a recent post on this because of the new Defenders run). It’s funny to think that Sise-Neg also destroyed the world when he became a god, however he grew past his pettiness and remade reality. Stephen did not possess such power, as we’re about to see.

PS: “Stop torturing yourself, Stephen.” Naur but he should use this line like a mantra. Especially comics!Stephen.

Not gonna lie, tho. This place reminds me of the Temple of the Vishanti from T&T (of course I was going to insert T&T somewhere, it’s me).

And of course they’d go for a pun with his name haha. I don’t know how to feel about this, tho. I feel like the episode is too heavy and dark for comedy. But it is what it is.

Okay but why some books are in cages??????????? And wow, it seems Cagliostro also gathered knowledge about several fields of magic.

And then Stephen learns that, in order to break an Absolute Point, he needs to absorb more power. This is when I went “oh-oh, here we go”.

And for real, is this Shuma-Gorath? Why are they keeping his name a secret? Is this the same creature from the first episode with Captain Carter, right? RIGHT? It has to be Shuma-Gorath.

Of course he tries to be polite and ends up all hurt haha. O’Bengh warns him about love but he will not listen. “Love can break more than your heart. It can shatter your mind.”/ “Is she worth the pain?”. Please, this is Stephen. He eats pain for breakfast.

Also, also, let’s take a break. We’re finally going to get monsterf0cker tentacle-lover Stephen Strange. It will cost us everything but here we goooooooooooo (yes, I went frame by frame for your more obscure fanservice needs)

Gods, I love this sequence so much it hurts. Okay, here we go.

Shmebulock???????????

AND HE STOLE THE CAPE??????????? AND DREW THE LINE ON BUGS??????

The grasp this man is holding on me right now...

Some of you will understand. I’m with you.

And here are the grostesque ones. These are hard to take SS but I had to.

Animation, sound effects, OST? CHEF’S KISS TO ALL

And lastly... the tentacles. Yeah, if you’re new... this is a thing.

Fanservice. Fanservice everywhere. (low-key the reason I also waited to write this review, I wanted to enjoy this part so badly but I was too sad for that lmao)

Okay so. O’Bengh is suddenly OLD and DYING, until we realize that Stephen spent CENTURIES absorbing mystic beings. CENTURIES. WTF STEPHEN. He had nothing in mind but the goal to save Christine. And people wonder why he went insane???? I’m sorry, O’Bengh, but I can’t take you serious when you still call Stephen Sorcerer Armani. Oh, and also because you watched him absorb beings for centuries in silence lmao. But I guess I have to because you said that Stephen is split in two since the Ancient One cast a spell on him, splitting the timelines and making them exist in the same reality before he could travel back in time. I know, it’s complex. Anything for the plot.

And now good!Stephen has an evil!twin who wants to absorb him back in order to become whole and break the Absolute Point. Cool.

I said I wanted to talk more about Wong because I think people are not talking about him enough. Wong is so important in this episode. He’s the one who’s trying to heal Stephen after Christine. He’s Stephen’s anchor.

Also, THEY FINALLY USED A SPELL WITH THE NAME OF THE VISHANTI. HOORAAAAY

So, for the sake of our understanding, I’m addressing the characters as evil and good!Stephen. Let’s go. Evil!Stephen summons good!Stephen and gods, he still holds such a strong grasp on me... unbelievable. THE DEEPER VOICE BENEDICT USES???? PLEASE, DIDN’T WE HAVE ENOUGH?

Imagine his strength to hold so many beings inside him, fighting to control him. BRO, THIS IS TOO TOO MUCH

Fine, I’ll not post SS about the fight because I’d be here all night long but I WILL say this: NOT CLOAKIE!!!!! NAAAAAAAAAAUR

Also if you ask me if I recognize any of the spells? Maaaaybe the Flames of Faltine, the not-so-crimson Bands of Cyttorak and a little trick Magik does with her portals. That’s how far I go.

I’ll not comment on the “seducing yourself to stay in the trap”. I will not. I’ll just say that the first person Stephen thought of when “Christine” was talking about the crème brûlée was Wong. That’s it.

And finally evil!Stephen absorbs good!Stephen and releases... UNLIMITED POWER (I love when the stone goes red as if it was bleeding aaaaaaa)

I can fix him...

This scene here? Poetic cinema. (I love his wings so much)

And when Stephen says her name and the other monsters’ voices echo “Christine”, AAAAAACKKKK

AND OF COURSE CHRISTINE WOULD FREAK OUT, BRO. LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE BECOME BECAUSE OF YOUR TWISTED LOVE. I’M NOT DOING FINE.

Oh, but it’s too late anyways because Stephen broke reality haha. This scene is interesting because Stephen is the only one who sensed and/or talked to the Watcher until now. I read an interview that the Watcher kinda showed up but it’s also about Stephen’s keen senses. Bit of both, let’s say. Still, man, 616-Watcher is not that cold. 616-Watcher would watch this and say “how about I intervene anyway?”. WhatIf!Watcher is brutal.

The way Christine looks at Stephen one last time also KILLS ME, DESTROYS ME, BREAK ME INTO A MILLION PIECES.

And this is where my soul left my body.

This is how they end the episode. This is how you leave me speechless and with teary eyes. This is how you give me a whole existential crisis.

This... this was brutal to watch. Really.

What can I say after this? I’m used to reading painful things when it comes to Stephen. Aaron’s and Cates’ runs are heartbreaking on so many levels. Hickman’s New Avengers is not easier. Coincidentally, What If? Magik Became Sorcerer Supreme and The End. And now Death of Doctor Strange. And yet, after everything I’ve been through, I’d never expect to watch something so brilliant, so tragic, so heartbreaking and unexpected in the MCU. Never. This is top tier content and this is my favorite character with SO MANY LAYERS and SO MUCH UNDERSTANDING. I can’t put into words how meaningful this whole episode is to me, or how deep it touched my heart and soul.

I’ve been struggling to find the proper words since then, I still can’t. All I can add is, I cried for the 4th time now. This is too, too much, even for Stephen stans. Even for the ones who are used to pain, regardless of which media you’re into: comic books, live actions or animated movies. This is literally more than I can take and yet I’m so, so grateful. The voice acting, gods, how did Benedict manage to create a better Stephen than the one he’s literally playing in real life???????????? HOW

This episode really took the max potential Stephen had to offer as a character, added tons and tons of layers based on his grief, depression, arrogance and need to control everything and created a tragic masterpiece. In 7 years of being a Doctor Strange fan, I've never read or watch something that could go this deep into the character. The closest I can think of is Mr. Misery and the metaphor of Stephen's depression. This is a whole new level of respect and understanding. This is more than a love letter. This is peak maestry. It’s perfect, it’s heartbreaking, it’s... gods, I can’t.

Sorry for dragging you until this far. Before I wrap up this review, I just wanted to remind you all that Stephen will appear again, he will smile again, he will be surrounded by people again. So this is not the end. It was painful but be brave. We still have a few more steps to take.

#what if...? #doctor strange #stephen strange #what if doctor strange lost his heart instead of his hands? #wong #christine palmer #the ancient one #long post #review #he did nothing wrong #so what? he destroyed a whole universe #/j #benedict cumberbatch

[qqueenofhades]

did you watch lucifer season six and what are your thoughts pls and ty

Ahaha. Yes. Yes I did watch it. Then I cried for a literal hour and attempted to compose myself, only to start crying again when I lay down and kept on thinking about it. Then I had more feelings. Then I slept like the dead due to emotional trauma. Then I reblogged gifsets and had More feelings. Then @buffaluff and @flynnanimal watched it and also required emotional support due to drowning in their own tears. So, uh... we're all fine here now. How are you?

My main takeaway from the final season was the sheer amount of love for the characters, story, and fans that you could feel shining through all the episodes, and which made SUCH a refreshing change. I had feelings in my tags the other day about how a show about the devil was constantly goofy, hopeful, loving, and uplifting, rather than all the grimdark nonsense they could have easily done with it. (As I said, just imagine it as written by the GOT idiots?? NO THANK YOU.) The writing really loved everyone and wanted to give them a proper ending and emotional journey, and it wanted to show the fans that they weren't stupid for having invested six seasons of effort and emotion into this, and just... that is so much rarer than it should be? Compare all the movies and TV shows that treat their fans like the enemy, that want to outsmart them at all costs even if it means changing major plot elements, that ferociously guard spoilers and think that "shock value" means good writing, by throwing hackneyed cliche upon cliche and making everything Depressing, and just... Lucifer had its hiccups and slow points and missteps, of course, but I am SO glad they didn't do that. The entire show consisted of Lucifer slowly but steadily progressing toward being a better man, despite mistakes and setbacks and sometimes a little too much will-they-won't-they. (Season 3 was the only one where I got bored and skipped over the filler episodes with Pierce/Lucifer/Chloe in order to get to the end).

That is an essentially simple premise, but they stuck to it, and they didn't try to create more drama by randomly wrecking what they had already established. I wrote a fic all the way back in mid-season 2 (In Nomine Patris) that ended up predicting quite a few of the future characters who had not yet appeared on the show at that time, including Eve, Michael, and Azrael, and several plot points, including the very major one of Lucifer returning to hell for the sake of his daughter with Chloe. And while this might mean that I am just that good at guessing TV shows (I would like to think this....) it also means that the writers set expectations, followed through on those expectations, and didn't suddenly derail everything or turn it totally on its head just for the sake of cheap shocks. As we can all attest, they certainly caused PLENTY of drama, anguish, pain, and suffering, but they did it in a way that remained faithful to the overall premises of the story and the characters, and wanted to see them become the best versions of themselves. I cried my eyes out at the end and then thought, "hey, I might want to watch the whole series again," which, if you ask me, is the mark of doing your job right. There have been so few TV endings recently where I didn't immediately swear off the whole thing or have to pretend that canon didn't exist, so yeah.

As I said, it was just refreshing to watch something that had that essential deep generosity at its core, where the message is that everyone is worthy of love if they make the hard and painful effort to change and become better, and that even if earthly things feel small next to all this messy celestial drama, they still matter, and that you are loved no matter what. I loved that Amenadiel became God and Lucifer returned to hell as a choice in order to help all the trapped souls be able to work through their guilt and go to heaven. There were obviously certain echoes of The Good Place in that ending; I don't know if it was something they had planned all along or if the success of TGP, another series asking deep questions about life, death, morality, and human nature within the framework of a goofy heaven-and-hell sitcom, influenced it, but either way, it worked so well. Even if it tore my heart out and stomped on it on the ground, it was fitting and oh so lovely to see Lucifer, once the most selfish being in the entire universe, following in Linda's footsteps and becoming selflessly dedicated to helping other people. Just. Chef's kiss.

And of course, Deckerstar. The Hades and Persephone vibes were IMMACULATE this season, and while it did take Lucifer and Chloe the best part of four seasons to get together, they never significantly backslid, never had third-party issues or cheap cheating storylines once they were officially a couple, and Tom Ellis and Lauren German REALLY killed it this season in particular. It was never easy for them and sometimes the drama went on a little too long over the course of said six seasons, but the love story was beautiful and incredibly meaningful and always true to the fact that the actors and characters and writers (not to mention the fans) all loved it so much. They were so much the emotional heart of this, and when they went to hell together in episode 6x03 (where they turned into cartoons because wHAT even IS this show), Joe Henderson said in an interview that this was to give the fans a view into Lucifer and Chloe's future (after) lives post-6x10, and to offer them a basis to write fanfiction. I mean... the showrunner saying to the fans "here, we love you, have something to write fic about!" is likewise pretty shockingly rare. It's again an example of how this show always audaciously poked fun at itself, never took itself TOO seriously, and was always welcoming its fans and the people who loved it to do so, rather than making them feel stupid or taking joy in wrecking beloved characters or plots.

Obviously, I loved Rory, the badass lesbian half-angel goth Deckerstar child straight out of My Immortal (seriously, she was SO edgy, it was amazing), because of the fact that Lucifer's entire arc was always about feeling abandoned by his father and that he was going to have to face it for himself. Dorky Devil Dad Lucifer trying his absolute HARDEST to bond with his daughter was simultaneously hilarious, adorable, and heart-wrenching, and yet again, the Growth. We all remember when he could barely tolerate Trixie touching him, and now we're here. Also, any variation whatsoever of "this is just a brief moment of time that we must be apart, love is eternal and stronger than death and we will never really leave each other" as a line is guaranteed to make me bawl my eyes out. So that was fun.

I got a big kick out of Ghost Dan running around and trying to get everyone to see him, and had feelings about seeing him in heaven with Charlotte and his beloved Pudding Pops at the end. I had feelings about how they handled Ella finding out the truth (or rather demanding to know why nobody had told her) and of course, I obviously loved Maze and Eve and their goth/femme wedding and the fact that they got a good three-season romantic arc (indeed, I wanted more of them). My god, Trixie is SO BIG, she used to be a tiny little nugget. I love that Linda was the moral and emotional rock all along, from the first episode to the very last, and that Amenadiel was Deeply Vindicated when Charlie's wings appeared at his first birthday party. I love how Lucifer in s6 is absolute thousands of light years from Lucifer in s1. And as ever, Chloe was Perfect. I am happy that I spent six seasons with these characters and saw them become better, and that I was never made to feel like an idiot for trusting the writers to end everything in a beautiful and emotional way. Because, well. They did. Sure, maybe I could go back and pick at a plotline here or a detail there, but I don't terribly feel the need to do so? It might not have been perfect, but it was perfect, and I am so grateful that it existed.

#lucifer #lucifer spoilers #deckerstar #anonymous #ask

[firelxdykatara]

Re: your excellent recent metas on stanning Mako and semi-comparing/contrasting him with Katara, do you think Mako should have ever gotten his own TSR-style arc of seeking revenge on his parents’ killer? It’s something I’ve been thinking about ever since re-entering the ATLA/LOK fandom last year. Just, UGH, the wasted potential to use such an arc to really dig into Mako’s psyche and all the hardship he’s endured, and also make said hardship more front-and-center to his audience of antis who unfairly reduce him to a standoffish, philandering asshole. I understand not wanting to re-do TSR in LOK, but Mako deserved SOMETHING of that calibur for a character arc. What are your thoughts?

Oooooh this is a really good question, and it's something I hadn't really thought of before--which, I think, is part of the issue with LoK as a whole. If you'll forgive a bit of a tangent--in atla, we are constantly reminded about the losses that Sokka and Katara have suffered--not in any kind of heavy-handed way (no matter how much the Katara haters will whine about her mentioning their mother, even though they usually won't say boo about Sokka despite him mentioning their father at least as often)--because the narrative makes it very clear that it's something on their minds through everything else that happens. It shapes who they are, and informs a lot of the decisions they make. You can see this with Zuko, too, and the abuse he suffered from his father--even before it is revealed in The Storm, you know that something happened, and that maybe it's not such a great thing that he is desperate to 'regain' his honor and return home. And even Aang, though he only rarely is shown to actually grapple with it on screen, is a constant reminder to the world, as well as to the audience, of the consequences of the war, simply by virtue of being an airbender and the last living remnant of the Air Nomads.

By contrast, LoK doesn't do much with the traumas any of the main cast suffered, particularly not anything that happened prior to the start of the series. Mako has a deeply emotional conversation early on in the show about what happened to his parents, and what he witnessed as a small child, but nothing is ever made of this information. It provides a bit of context, and it allows fans like me who are dissatisfied with the way the show and fandom proceeded to treat him to dig deep and realize just how much he suffered and how much better he deserved--but as far as the show itself is concerned, that conversation was essentially flavortext. It doesn't mean much, the show doesn't seem interested in having Mako or Bolin reflect on their lives or even be shown to visibly mourn their parents (who never show up in so much as a single flashback). Even when they meet their paternal grandmother in book 3, nothing much is made of the connection (and when Bolin has to forcibly evacuate Yin from Ba Sing Se, she makes him wait for her to grab..... the picture of the dead Earth Queen, rather than the picture of her son and his family), other than Yin telling them why their father severed connection with his family and Mako choosing to give her his one memento of his parents.

And like... I get that was meant to be an emotional moment, but... his father chose to cut off all contact with his family. Whatever the reasons might have been, whether he might have changed his mind had he lived, the fact was that what he wanted from his life was to look to the future--to his wife (who he never bothered taking home to meet his parents) and to his children. I really don't think he would have wanted his mother to have his scarf instead of his son--especially not when she had memories of his entire life (adult memories!) to hold onto, while Mako only had the hazy memories of childhood and one physical token to cling to when those might not be enough.

Bolin is glad to suddenly have a huge family, when they meet their grandmother, but again... nothing really comes of this. At some point Bolin mentions that he used to dig through literal garbage for food, and this is played for laughs rather than taken as any kind of serious examination of his life before things changed. The show just doesn't care about the krew as individual characters, not really--they are moved about as needed for the Plot, jokes are occasionally made about their backgrounds, sometimes something is pulled out for an emotional tearjerker moment before never being referenced again (I mean, really, Grandma Yin is around for multiple episodes in book 3 and book 4, and neither Mako nor Bolin spend an episode just begging to hear about their father's childhood?), and... that's about it.

All of which is a very long-winded way of saying yes, I absolutely think that Mako should've gotten his own TSR-like episode. Obviously it shouldn't have been just a carbon-copy, or even necessarily occupy a similar niche in the show--while TSR is very much a Katara episode, it is also a Zuko and Katara episode, because whether you ship them or not, the episode is explicitly about not only Katara gaining closure for here mother's murder, but also about Katara working through her feelings regarding Zuko and choosing to forgive him. However, I absolutely believe that Mako should have been given a chance to confront his parents' murderer, and I think it's a crying shame that this never actually happened.

And the thing is, they wouldn't have even had to 'redo' TSR, any more than you consider Mako as a character to be a 'redo' of Katara just because they have similar childhood traumas--but what they very easily could have done is shown how that trauma lingers. Show Mako's complicated relationship with firebending (he really has no thoughts about his own element, when it is what killed his parents???) and with the Triads that he had to do work for to make ends meet as a teenager so that he could keep Bolin fed. Maybe he knows exactly which of the Triads was responsible for his parents' death--maybe the man's face is burned into his mind, appearing in his own nightmares so frequently he couldn't forget it if he tried.

Maybe he had to do a job for the man who killed his parents, and only the thought of Bolin going hungry or worse if Mako never came home kept him from attacking. Maybe that night, when he got home, after he made sure Bolin had something to eat and went to sleep, he threw up until there was nothing left in his stomach and then he kept retching, throat raw and eyes stinging, because every time he closed his eyes he saw that man's face and felt the hand that killed his parents clapping him on the back for a job well done.

Maybe the man who killed his parents is one of Amon's Triad victims, loses his bending and is pathetic and weak, and Mako struggles against the urge to roast him alive without a second thought. Maybe Korra is there, slowly putting the pieces together, wanting to speak up but knowing that this is Mako's pain and it's something she could never fully understand, believing with all her heart that he'll make the right choice... but still sighing with relief when Mako's shoulders slump, the fire goes out of his hands, and the man who killed his parents runs away.

Maybe, at the end of the book when she is restoring everyone's powers, the man who killed Mako's parents gets to the head of the line... and she refuses. Maybe that's ultimately his punishment. And maybe Mako is standing there, fists clenched against the still-simmering rage in his gut, teeth clenched against the urge to vomit, relaxing only when the man leaves--dejected, rejected and powerless--and smiling, because he can finally begin to heal and move on from the scars left behind by his parents' deaths, but the man who killed them will have to remember every single day for the rest of his life exactly why he's powerless.

Idk, I just think... it would really be neat if Mako had been allowed to get closure for what happened to his parents. It would be... neat. I'm not crying at all shut up.

#atla #lok #mako #mako meta #mako getting his own 'version' of tsr would honestly have been so good though #long post #devildogdemon #asked #lok critical

[sweetestlamb]

Bring Me To Life

Summary: Kang Sujin has never had anyone to turn to, hiding behind a façade her entire life. Someone begins to peek behind the mask. 

Author’s note: My two favorite characters in TB are Seojun and Sujin, both characters who are honestly treated like trash by the writers. I cannot begin to tell how upsetting it was to see Sujin’s character assassination or how painful it is to watch her being physically abused knowing that the writers will not give her therapy or a true happy ending. She’s just here to be beaten and vilified. Seojun, I won’t even rant everyone knows what the problem is (idk who told them we wanted to see Start-Up the high school edition.) So I wrote this after watching the most recent episode and hating most of it for these reasons. I don’t know how far it’ll go or how often I can update, but I need my two babies to have a happy ending preferably together because the visuals are just a dreammmm. 

The rain crashes down loudly from aggrieved storm clouds bellowing above her in the sky, the chilled condensation plastering her thin satin pajamas to her trembling body. She had to get out, the pain in her cheek numbing and electrifying all at once.

How dare she tell him that she didn't want to get married, want to stand on her own two feet without a man giving her value?

His hand had flown across the room before she could sidestep the blow, the fragile glass filled with water in her hand- the very reason she'd left her room in the dead of night- shattering into jagged pieces as it collided with a greater force. Just like her.

She hadn't been trying to eavesdrop but it was hard not to hear him chuckling deeply on the phone, offering up his only child like she was an item on a menu.

"Yes we should set them up. It seems Suho isn't interested and she should marry young, that's when women are worth the most."

Nausea rolled like waves in the pits of her stomach and before she could think logically, her feet were sprinting into the living room, air barely filling her lungs as she stared at the man she'd never once thought of as a father. The last time she'd made the grave mistake of calling him daddy he'd smacked her so hard that was how she lost her first tooth. He'd been father ever since or Mr. Kang. She tried her best to avoid him at all cost, she would never be good enough and it was getting harder to hide the marks he left behind.

It was difficult to remember clearly what occurred seconds after her refusal to marry a man she didn't know left her lips, his fist connected and she was knocked back onto their coffee table the sharp edge cutting at her cheek. As she looked at him, anger painting his face a demonic red, fear crippled her and her hands twitched desperately wanting to wash them raw. Then he grabbed a thick marble ashtray from the table and her instincts took over and she was out the door, running as fast as she could, knowing her life was at stake and she couldn't afford to stop.

When the cloud in her head cleared that was when she found herself at the bus stop.

Judgmental whispers breeze by her ears as people passed by with umbrellas, shocked to see the young girl crying in her pajamas at the stop, but none stopped to offer her help or inquire about her situation, happy just to pass judgement. She ignores them all, panicking racing through her blood until she's unable to breathe, choking on nothing as she twitches in the harsh air. Her throat constricts as she screams at herself, breathe. 

Breathe.

BREATHE! 

But it's useless as her body shuts down, forgetting how to do the basic function, she sways as she starts to feel light headed from the lack of oxygen and with a final wheeze she collapses. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He signs as he weaves past cars moving far too slowly, adrenaline rushing through his veins as he marginally misses nipping a car to the left of him, easily dragging his motorcycle away with the fluid movements of his body. He glares up at the sky before cursing, "Fucking weather report didn't say anything about a sudden rainstorm." If he'd known he would have stayed home, always hating the rain. It brought back bad memories.

Halting at a red light, he puts his leg down for balance bouncing slightly in place. Pulling the shield up on his helmet he glances around, recognizing the area easily, before something in his peripheral catches his attention, a lump on the ground. Tilting his head he revs his trusty iron steed to live, riding over to the direction of the mysterious mass on the wet ground. As he gets closer his heart falters, it's too evident now. 

It's a person.

Jumping off his bike and pushing out the kickstand he flings his helmet off, his hair immediately drenched under the downpour as he races over to help. As he nears the figure, it becomes clearer it's a woman wearing what looks like sleep clothes. Momentarily he wonders if this is a crazy person and if he should just mind his business but a frightening image of his little sister unconscious on the ground and no one coming to her aid flashes in his mind.

"I'll just check if she's breathing and call an ambulance. That's all, if she tries to attack me I'll just ride away." He takes a deep breath, collecting his courage before closing the gap between him and the unconscious woman.

Crouching beside her, he reaches out a hand hesitating before sighing and shaking at her cold shoulder. No response. He shakes harder now, watching the motion quake through her entire body, but still she is unresponsive.

"Hey! Hey! Are you okay? Wake up, you're scaring me!" He starts to jiggle her with both hands, before he crawls into her space not caring about his safety any longer, the idea that this unknown woman might be dead is making him nauseous. People are always dying without his permission. It's so frustrating.

"Wake up! Come on!" He shouts at the figure now holding both her shoulders and turning the woman over, lifting her face from its place on the ground, cradling her limp body in his lap. After two more vicious shakes, she starts to cough and groan in his arms. Relief swims through his veins as he watches her come back to life, anxiously watching as her dewy long lashes flutter open and he's caught in a lifeless deep gaze.

"Han Seo-Jun?"

It takes a long pause for him to register that the woman has said his name and then a longer moment to recognize who she is.

"Kang Su-Jin?" He replies in genuine shock, taking in the wom--young girl in his arms. She's shivering so violently that it's becoming difficult to hold onto her, vibrating out of his hold before he grips her tighter, whipping off his jacket without second thought and wrapping it around her. Goosebumps raising on his skin as his body mentally berates his lack of survival skills.

"What are you doing here?" She looks at him bewildered as if the stranger occurrence is his presence and not her own.

He squints his eyes looking back at her, "I could ask you the same thing. I found you unconscious here. I thought you were...." He trails off unable to utter the rest of his sentence.

"You should have left me here. Maybe I would have. If I was that lucky."

"What? Are you crazy, you want to die? Did you do this to yourself, what are you on?!" He roars at her, rage flooding his system as he shouts at the stupid girl, how dare she try to kill herself and leave her body for him to find? He wishes he had taken a different route, that he'd never come across her. He was in no state to comfort someone who was suicidal, still too raw and hurt. What was so hard about living that made people want to do that? Hot tears gather in his eyes as he abruptly pulls away from Sujin, unapologetic as she tumbles to the ground without his support.

She starts at him, stunned before righteous fury twists her features and she roars back at him.

"Who are you to judge me! I didn't ask you to help me, leave me alone!"

He glares back at her ready to yank his jacket away and run away from her but a small movement stops him, as she's screaming at him a small muscle twitches in her cheek bringing his attention to said cheek. It's nearly purple, standing out obscenely on her pale skin and then he notices the split lip and the bruises on her neck and he's so ashamed of himself he could bawl.

He deflates before speaking to her, "What happened to your face? Who did this to you?"

He doesn't know what kind of look he has on his face but before his questions can even settle between them she's sneering and twisting away from him, throwing his jacket on the ground before making her escape. Unprepared for her sudden departure he reacts too late, before chasing after her. It's easy to close the distance separating them with his long legs and within seconds she's merely inches in front of him, he reaches out a large hand to grab her wrist but hesitates recalling the bruises littering her frame. Instead he races past her, blocking her with his body swerving to the left and then the right when she tries to dodge him. They play this cat and mouse game before she finally gives up, glaring up at him with moist enraged eyes.

"Why do you care? We aren't even friends!"

Her piercing shout rings in his ears as he looks down at her passively. He can't answer that question, doesn't know what brought him to this area so late and not understanding why he was the one to find her in this condition. He doesn't know why he cares. But maybe things could have been different if Se-Yeon had someone to chase him. Maybe he'd still be alive...

So he answers her honestly.

"I don't want anymore people to die."

To his complete shock she starts to cry, tears falling rapidly from her eyes before she crumples to the ground, the rain pounding on her head and he stands still unsure of what to do before he drapes the jacket he'd rescued from the ground over her head, shielding her from most of the thunderous downpour. When she looks up to see the jacket protecting her, he almost falls backwards as her head slams into his chest, her tears simmering hot on his chilled body. It's almost painfully uncomfortable but he doesn't move away. Letting her cry on his chest, his shirt is soaked anyway this makes no difference.

He doesn't know how long they are crouched there on the ground, so dark that the sidewalk is completely devoid of anyone else, it feels like they are the only two people left on Earth.

"If we stay here you're going to get a cold."

He voices his concern but the only reply he receives is a gross sounding sniffle and he grimaces, knowing that his poor shirt is probably damaged beyond repair covered in snot and tears.

Sighing he starts to repeat himself before she whispers, "I don't have anywhere to go."

"I can take you home." Her fists tighten in his drenched shirt, he can practically feel the fear wafting off her, he'd assumed the marks on her face were from a possessive unhinged boyfriend but her reaction makes him uneasy. He tries to push those unpleasant thoughts to the corner.

"What about your friends? Why don't you call Su-ah or Ju-Kyung, I’m sure they’ll help you.” 

She stiffens in his arms before shaking her head in decline.

"No. I can't let anyone else see me like this. I don't need them looking at me the way you did, like I'm a sad pitiful puppy. I never want anyone look at me like that again."

He can respect that, he never wants to appear weak in front of others. It was easier to become angry and lash out rather than showing your true heart, nobody could hurt you that way.

"Then what? Where do you want to go?"

"I have nowhere to go. I'll stay here until morning. I'll be fine, you can go."

He looks at her dumbfounded, what kind of man would leave a battered woman alone in the rain? He wasn't raised by animals, damn it.

"Let's go." He makes a point not to touch her, their only point of connection are her hands twisted in his shirt.

"What?"

He bulldozes past her confusion, looking at her with what he hopes are comforting eyes.

"I'm taking you to my house. I can't just leave you here."

"Are you crazy? Don't you live with your mother and sister, what will they say?"

He winces at the logical inquiry, he had already considered that himself, thinking of his mother's subsequent smacks and his sister's teasing once they learned what he'd done but still deciding that he has no other choice. He can't just leave her here.

He shrugs, "That's my problem to worry about. I'm not leaving you here, I'd really like to get out of his rain. Let's go." He repeats himself harder, pleading with her.

She looks away and he's prepared to throw her over his shoulders and face the consequences when he hears her response, "Okay. Let's go."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It's a quiet ride back, the engine rumbling through the aching bones of her frozen body. Han Seojun. The last person she ever expected to see after being roused from her panic induced collapse. Her arms tighten around his thin waist as he swerves around a car, adrenaline and fear battling for dominance in her body. When her fingers accidentally brush across wet bare skin she quickly moves her hands higher, fighting the embarrassment that washes over her.

If he notices she can't hear his reaction over the roar of the motorcycle.

When they finally pull up to a small apartment, she loosens her hold on him cracking her frozen digits.

"You didn't need to hold that tightly, I wasn't going to let anything happen to you. I ride this everyday you know."

She doesn't reply focusing on getting off the bike, swinging her leg over and hopping off not graceful but effective, a small proud smile spreads on her face before she gazes back at him.

He stares back before shaking his head, as if lost in a daze before he stomps off for her to follow.

Wordlessly she trails behind him, feeling foolish in her duck pajamas, a gift from Su-ah.

When he pushes his front door open, letting her in first she steps out of her sopping wet house slippers standing awkwardly looking around.

"Stay here. I'll get towels so we don't trail too much water."

She nods at his command, gazing at the floor and seeing how much water is already pooling around her feet.

"Here." He hands her a fluffy pink towel, she raises an eyebrow at the color.

"It's the guest towel. I wouldn't give you my towel."

That makes sense, sharing towels is far too intimate for the relationship they have. That being none. 

She rapidly towels at her hair, before running the towel down her body and wrapping it around her waist.

"You can use the bathroom. It's the second door on the right. I'll bring you dry clothes."

She steps cross the doorway, finally entering his home. Before she turns back to him staring directly into his eyes, "Than.... You didn't have to do this." She loses her confidence but his answering smirk lets her know he understood enough, with that she walks to the bathroom locking herself inside.

The sight of her bruised face in the mirror makes her pause, reaching up to finger at the stark purple mark on her cheek. She's crying before she can control her emotions, tears dripping into the sink as she remembers her night, how close she was to the end despite what she said to Seojun she wanted to live. As her father stood above her ready to snuff her out like a mere nuisance in his life, she realized with a burning passion how desperately she wanted to live.

A soft knock drags her back to reality as she rapidly wipes her tears away.

"I'm leaving clothes by the door. You can come out whenever you're ready. I'm making tea."

When she hears the light steps of his feet moving away from the door she opens the door a crack, picking up the neatly folded pile of clothes. Sending the boy a mental thank you before closing the door quietly.

It's clear that these clothes belong to Seojun, draping off her body, too large for her frame, a black T-shirt with a microphone on the center and sweatpants that cover her feet as well, he'd even remembered to bring her socks. Instantly she feels her body warming as her body temperature returns to normal. 

Folding her wet clothes and splashing water on her face then using the towel to rub it dry, she exits the bathroom walking towards the light she sees assuming that's the kitchen.

"The water's almost done boiling. Sit down."

His deep voice greets her as she follows his orders and takes a seat.

"Are these your clothes?"

"What? Oh yeah they're mine, sorry my sister locked her door. They're very old though, I haven't worn them in years I thought they would fit you better." He eyes her as he says the last sentence, "I guess it didn't make much of a difference I'm just too tall and manly for my own good."

She scoffs at his narcissistic comment rolling her eyes "Tall and manly my foot. You're so skinny I could probably pick you up with one arm."

He immediately turns at her comment, affronted look on his face, "Shut up! It's hard for me to put on weight, I'm not that skinny."

He places his hands on his hips, looking down at himself before puffing his chest out to make himself appear broader, it's so ridiculous that she can't control her reaction.

Sudden uncontrollable laughter.

She laughs breathlessly, folding onto her lap trying to contain her giggles but his scandalized look makes her laugh harder and she has to stuff her face in her elbow to prevent herself from waking his family.

After a few minutes of random spasms of laughter she finally peers back up at him.

He looks just like he did outside when she'd smiled after successively getting off his motorcycle.

"What? What are you looking at?"

"Nothing. I just never see you smile at school."

"Well you never do anything worth smiling about." She quips back, wondering if she'd gone too far but he doesn't reply beyond a slight smile that's gone too fast to even be titled that, he places her steaming cup of tea before her sipping at his own after blowing on it.

They drink in comfortable silence.

She's the first to rapture the silence, "I don't need pity."

"I don't pity yo--"

"But thank you. Thank you for stopping. Thank you for this, thank you."

He stares wordlessly before nodding, a slight blush on his cheeks before he hides his face in the cup of tea. She doesn't bring attention to it.

"You can sleep in my room. It's the door next to the bathroom."

Humming she looks up, fatigue hitting her like a brick at the mention of sleeping.

"Where will you sleep?"

"I have a perfectly good couch, don't argue you're sleeping in my room. That's final. It's better that my mother doesn't see a strange woman on the couch when she wakes up."

Well, she can't argue with that logic.

"Okay." Drinking the last of the soothing beverage, she stands up walking over to place the cup in the sink.

"Good night." She starts to walk back in the direction of the bathroom, seeing another door next to it. Seojun's room. Twisting the doorknob she pushes it open, before she hears his voice from behind her.

"If you need anything I'm right outside."

Blinking her tears away, she nods without looking back, too vulnerable with his palpable concern.

When she lays her head down on his pillow, his scent fills her senses and she falls into a deep restless slumber feeling safer than she has in long time.

Tomorrow will be horrible.

But tonight, she will allow herself to breath easy knowing that someone is on her side.

#true beauty #kang sujin #han seojun #sujin deserves better #redemption fic #healing each others wounds #the visuals #true beauty kdrama #slow burn

[allthingskenobi]

Obi-Wan in Exile – Vader

(Originally published on AllThingsKenobi.com December 13, 2020)

Welcome to the first in a series of looks into Obi-Wan Kenobi’s time in exile on Tatooine between Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. We’ve tried to mine as much Legends and canon material as possible to help guide you through some of the period’s most common and repetitive themes so that when the new Obi-Wan Kenobi series airs, you’ll be ready.

Not everything he ever did in the entire 19 years will be explored here, but as we said, we’ve tried our best to pick out the most prominent and impactful moments to give everyone a better understanding of exactly what one hermit had to endure out there all alone in the sandy deserts of Tatooine.

While Vader himself was not a common reoccurrence throughout Obi-Wan’s exile, the threat of him certainly was…well until now that is. As Vader so often does, he’s recently made his way back to the forefront of the story and will seemingly loom very large over the upcoming series, thus moving us to start with exactly what that might mean for Obi-Wan and how it might work with the canon boundaries we currently have. Yes, we understand that canon can change and probably will, but we do love a challenge.

“Vader,” Obi-Wan muttered. “Vader’s alive.”

DARK LORD: THE RISE OF DARTH VADER BY JAMES LUCENO L

Let’s start at the beginning. We have one instance in Legends where we see Obi-Wan learn that Vader survived Mustafar and it comes mere months after his exile on Tatooine begins. He first hears the name “Vader” mentioned again on the HoloNet during one of his trips into Mos Eisley and nearly faints before panicking to find a way to take Luke and run. (1) This early recognition seems to be reconfirmed in later canon as one of Ben’s greatest fears in the third year of his exile continued to be “sand crunching beneath heavy black boots, a dark cape billowing in the desert squall, the mechanical wheeze of a respirator.” (2) So will we see Obi-Wan only just learning of Vader’s fate in the tenth year of his exile? I’d say that’s highly doubtful unless the show provides a flashback for us—which we will gladly accept.

“Instead, Padmé was dead and Obi-Wan was running for his life, as stripped of everything as Vader was. Without friends, family, purpose…”

DARK LORD: THE RISE OF DARTH VADER BY JAMES LUCENO L

At the same time, Vader was also very convinced that Obi-Wan was still alive and would remain so despite his greatest efforts. Because if there was one thing Vader was good at it, it was holding a grudge like he held a lightsaber, and he would expend quite a bit of energy over the 19 years between episodes III and IV searching for his old Master. (Just ask anyone he comes across in the comics.) Oh, and let’s not forget that it’s also Vader who would later inform a disbelieving Tarkin, in no uncertain terms, that Obi-Wan was still alive and on the Death Star. (3)

“No, I can’t [leave],” Ben said, firmly. “I must be here.”

KENOBI BY JOHN JACKSON MILLER L

“The core of Anakin that resides in Vader grasps that Tatooine is the source of nearly everything that causes him pain. Vader will never set foot on Tatooine, if only out of fear of reawakening Anakin.”

DARK LORD: THE RISE OF DARTH VADER BY JAMES LUCENO L

Now that we’ve established that they both knew of each other’s survival, it begs the question as to why their paths never actually crossed in 19 years. Personally, I think it’s fairly simple: Obi-Wan would never leave Tatooine and Vader would never go anywhere near it. We will discuss Obi-Wan not leaving Tatooine more in-depth at a later time (and yes, we know what Ewan said about having a ‘rollicking time’), but Vader would canonically never visit his home planet until well after Obi-Wan and Luke were both gone. (4)(5) And by then it was much too late.

That brings us to the most recent ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’ news and how that fits in with what Legends and canon have told us so far. We received a lot of exciting and thought-provoking announcements in a short amount of time, and frankly, our minds haven’t stopped spinning since. Could the show undo what we currently assume to be true? Yes. Could the show work within those same parameters? Also, yes. Do I personally have any idea what’s going to happen? No. DO I THINK THE SHOW IS GOING TO BE AMAZING NO MATTER WHAT? Y E S. The goal of this exercise is to simply try and reconcile the new details to the existing Star Wars lore because I think that’s what makes it interesting. So you can take it or leave it. The choice is yours. (Until it isn’t because the show has aired and this is all pointless.)

HERE WE GO.

“[Deborah] Chow confirmed that audiences will “definitely see Obi-Wan and Darth Vader get into it again” as we see the blue blade of a hooded Obi-Wan clash with the fiery red blade of Darth Vader.”

“McGregor knows the battle will be eagerly anticipated, and he’s looking forward to performing it just as much: “Having another swing at each other might be quite satisfying for everybody. We hope that you enjoy it as much as we’re going to enjoy making it.””

DEBORAH CHOW AND EWAN MCGREGOR DURING THE DISNEY INVESTOR’S REEL

Not only was the “Hayden Christensen returning as Darth Vader” bombshell dropped in our laps, but we were also fed the above morsels (not once but thrice) and told to digest them. Our first reaction was a hearty and well-deserved cry of rejoicing until the realization of what this could all mean set in and it turned into a hearty and well-deserved sob.

There’s hardly a way to be disappointed in the fact that we will see Ewan and Hayden not only together again, but “getting into it” as well, but we do have to wonder what this means for the moment where Obi-Wan and Vader face each other again on the Death Star. The moment is not only pivotal to Episode IV, but I would argue, the entire saga. And it’s made even more impactful by the fact that the two men have not physically confronted each other since their fateful battle on Mustafar.

What we do know, and that which should not change, is that Vader never knew where Obi-Wan was hiding nor that he had Luke, his son, with him. That tells me two things: whatever kind of “rematch” happens here does not endanger Luke’s safety in the long run nor is it probably something that would occur more than once. I think what we’re going to see happen is isolated and “unexpected,” occurring only once ten years into Obi-Wan’s exile.

You: But, All Things Kenobi, if they could never physically meet on Tatooine or elsewhere, then what does this all mean??

Us: Do we look like Deborah Chow or Ewan McGregor? Do we have all the answers for you? NO! But can we try to help ease your mind until the show airs and I’m proven all sorts of wrong?? YES! SO PUT ON THAT TINFOIL HAT AND LET’S DO THIS!!

“I sense something. A presence I’ve not felt since…”

STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE C

“Obi-Wan once thought as you do.”

STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI C

Instantly our minds turned to these two particular comments from Vader in Episodes IV and VI. They’ve always stood out as peculiar, demanding explanation, but even more so now. The first is a vague, open-ended statement that leaves us to assume they hadn’t met again since they parted on the slopes of Mustafar. The second is a seemingly wistful reminiscence of a memory Vader has of his old master.

Luke had just finished making a heartfelt plea for Anakin to remember his “true self” then says, “come with me.” Where did Obi-Wan make the same appeal to only be shunned by Vader as well? Is it possible the series will show us this after all these years and possibly solve the riddle of both enigmatic statements at once? Is it possible that any such conversation might quickly devolve into another lightsaber-fueled clash??

“Count Dooku was Yoda’s apprentice.”

“And Count Dooku has fallen to the dark side.”

“All of us have apprenticed to Master Yoda.”

“He cannot be held accountable for Dooku’s descent.”

“But they are connected. Profoundly.”

THE CLONE WARS 6×11 “VOICES” C

A distinct bond exists between each Padawan and Master and unfortunately that bond does not disappear when one or the other becomes a Sith Lord. Despite the bond between Obi-Wan and Anakin being firmly closed at both ends, there’s no doubt that a presence remains. And even the most sturdy walls might crack from time to time.

Even after 19 years apart, Vader is quick to recognize when Obi-Wan is nearby and goes so far as to know his intent. “Escape is not his plan. I must face him alone.” And he’s right. (3) As for Obi-Wan, the Force has plagued him with dreams and visions, even showing him “a limbless wreck hanging in a bacta tank, necrotic skin pallid and scarred.” (2)

Could their strong connection be the vehicle that allows Obi-Wan and Anakin to confront each other once more? Within the Force they could not only converse, but we could also see them “take another swing” at each other without any physical consequences no matter who “wins.” The mental toll would also make for great drama for both men and bring a new perspective and emotional weight to several scenes in the Original Trilogy.

“If you loved me, Obi-Wan, you would have killed me.”

STAR WARS: DARTH VADER 24 BY KIERON GILLEN C

Finally, it’s quite possible that Obi-Wan might not physically be involved at all in their “rematch” and it might be entirely from Vader’s perspective. One theory could be as simple as the fact that Vader once had a training droid whose deadliest combat setting took the form of his former master. (Oh, Anakin.) (6) Another theory, and a much more likely one, could be that Vader has a Force vision or dream that allows him to recreate and relive various moments between himself and Obi-Wan, including, but not limited to, another lightsaber battle. This would be interesting to witness as every time it occurs, it means that Vader is wrestling with Anakin.

Although the Obi-Wan that continues to exist in Anakin’s psyche doesn’t seem too different from the real thing, just imagine Ewan McGregor getting to play Obi-Wan from Anakin’s point of view…I’ll just drop my mic there.

Star Wars: Darth Vader 24 by Kieron Gillen (2016) C

Star Wars: Darth Vader 5 by Charles Soule (2017) C

Citations:

(1) Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader by James Luceno L

(2) “Time of Death” – From A Certain Point of View by Cavan Scott C

(3) Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope C

(4) Star Wars: Darth Vader 2016 by Kieron Gillen C

(5) Star Wars: Darth Vader 2020 by Greg Pak C

(6) Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (2008) by Haden Blackman L

#Obi-Wan in Exile #Obi-Wan Kenobi #Kenobi Series #Anakin Skywalker #Darth Vader #long post #text post #crossposted from wordpress #allthingskenobi

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 5--Out of the Ashes.

Okay, though.  I’m already excited about this one because Carol and Lydia are on the little guide picture thingy, lol.  My girls.  

As usual, I’m going to put the rest underneath a cut to save you lovelies potentially being spoiled should you not want to be.  

Wow.  Look at that full moon.  And the colors in the woods.  

I’m telling you.  These cold opening scenes have been generally pretty awesome this season.  

Aaron with Gracie always gives us such sweetness but this time maybe not.  

Omigosh.  Now *that* is a nightmare--the Walkers, the Wolves, the Saviors, the Whisperers, Mays.  Did I miss anybody?  And then Gracie gone just like that?  Poor Aaron.  All he wants is to keep his little girl safe and happy.  

So.  Is Gracie sleeping right next to her daddy because she had a nightmare or because her daddy’s been having them?  Because either way, oh my freaking heart.  Especially at her still sleeping with her stuffed bunny.  I’m really, really hoping that bunny isn’t a bad omen of sorts for our Gracie, because little girls with bunnies haven’t fared all that well--going all the way back to the first episode and as recently as the subway episode where Daryl found that picture of the two siblings after they’d already found the bunny from the picture amongst the bodies.  Please not Gracie.  Aaron has already been through so much.  

Are they all just communing together now?  Because I can see how that would harken back to Season 4.  

Jerry!  Not even 3 minutes in and already two of my faves are present.  I can tell this is going to be a good episode.  

That really sucks.  Not even being able to take a peaceful piss because you can see Walkers shambling past your window, lol.  

There goes my queen running straight at danger as real queens are apt to do.  ;)  

Were there always lights coming on in the windmill during the opening credits or is that a new thing for this episode?  

That orientation video was so surreal.  Had to laugh at the political touch of having “this message is approved by Pamela Milton” at the end.  

Okay.  So they’re getting their work assignments, huh?  Orientations are the worst, lol.  All that damn paperwork.  

Retail clerk--Princess being excited at the prospect of working in a mall, even having a mall again, has me LMAO even as I’m like girl.  No.  You’ll love it ‘til you hate it.  

I didn’t catch Eugene’s job.  But Ezekiel doing animal control kind of cracks me up.  For reasons.  

So.  Essentially Eugene and Princess and Ezekiel got blue collar jobs while Yumiko’s got an invitation to join the upper crust.  

I love Lydia being accepted as part of the community.  About damn time.  

For a second I thought Rosita said what’s left of the horses plural and I was fixin’ to go OH NO.  

This is where I’m at on the Maggie/Negan issue, for better or worse:  Maggie absolutely, IMHO, has earned the right to stay mad at Negan for the rest of her days.  Because Glenn.  Because her little boy was robbed of his daddy.  That said?  I don’t think I have it in me to watch 5 more episodes of this beaten horse antagonistic conversation much less a whole season.  It would be one thing if it hadn’t already stolen valuable and earned screen time from other characters that seem to have been pushed to the periphery to spotlight it like it was the marquee event or something.  I don’t want want 2/3′s of the final season so heavily focused on the conflict between these two when there are so many characters that are already woefully underutilized.  It’s only compelling if it doesn’t become commonplace.  

It’s a sad business having to put down people you know, I’d expect.  Funny, though.  We never knew them so the impact is kind of artificial.  I appreciate the intent of the scene, though.  

Where the hell are all the Walkers coming from?  Like, I thought most of them went skydiving off that cliff without parachutes.  

Judith training the other babies.  If only her parents--every damn one of them--could see her now.  

Gus!  How cool and awesome for him!

ASZ is just full of asshole teens isn’t it?  How dare that little dipshit push our Asskicker down like that and say such hateful things?  To be fair, though, the kid is probably just repeating what he’s heard from others and I’m glad they’re being realistic here even if I don’t like seeing Judith cry.  

Cailey Fleming’s expressive face and eyes!  This kid has my heart, ya’ll.  

That perfectly pretty cake wasted!  LMAO.  Seriously though.  How does a cardiothoracic surgeon end up assigned to work in the bakery?  Yumiko’s reunion with her brother Tomi honestly was on par with what I’d expect from someone seeing the sister they’d long given up as dead.  

Freaky still how the Whisperers choose to herd the dead even without Beta and Alpha.  

Was that the real Stephanie in the scene with the ice cream?  Right under Eugene’s nose while he’s with Fake Stephanie?  They have a connection, ya’ll.  Eugene felt it.  

Okay, though.  I wanted the kids having their first ice cream cones.  If I were Eugene, though, I probably would have inhaled that thing after being deprived for so long.  

The Milton Hotel?  Alrighty then.  Somebody feels self-important.  

Aww.  Eugene’s thinking of Rosita and Coco.  They really have evolved into such a sweet, good friendship and I miss them together.  

Literally, I love Princess more each time I see her and hear her open her hilarious mouth.  LOL at her with the ice cream cone.  

Is everybody in ASZ staying in the same damn house?  Whoever broke the board with Carl’s and Judith’s handprints on it needs an ass kicking.  

“Me, too.”  Welp.  Guess RJ’s already met his line quota per appearance 24 minutes in, LOL.  

Aww.  My heart.  A Rosita/Judith scene.  I’m already loving it but not gonna lie.  Who do we have topay to get a Carol/Judith scene because she’s been there since Judith was an embryo?  

“Now it’s broken.  He’s gone.  Everybody is.”  The way this scene is unexpectedly gutting me right now.  Because Rosita’s right.  It never really gets easier.  It’s just something you figure out how to carry.  How many people devastated by Covid or other illness or tragedy are carrying these same feelings of loss and hurt everyday?  

Give us more of those heartfelt moments, dammit.  This girl at least craves them.  Not the endless Maggie/Negan conflict.  

Ouch.  “I think I haven’t met a Whisperer who wasn’t a liar.”  Damn Aaron.  Lydia’s right there beside you. 

Angry Jerry hurts my heart in ways I cannot explain.  

On a completely shallow note, Miko’s brother is attractive too.  I quite like his accent, lol.  I wonder why he’s so hesitant to put his skills as a surgeon to use.  

“Want some cake?”/”Hell, yes.”  Yumiko=me 99% of the time.  LOL.  Just kidding.  In reality, I have to say no.  

“They clearly got a gym in this joint.  Your chiseling is perfecto.”  LMAO.  I’m all for Princess/Mercer.  She flusters him a little and I’m loving it.  When she told him he had beautiful eyelashes, I howled.  

Oh my sweet Aaron.  I’m in the same kind of pain and disbelief as Lydia watching you interrogate that Whisperer.  

Thank you, Carol.  Melissa McBride?  I effing LOVE you.  My heart hurts.  

I’m sure she’s gonna get hate from the usual crowd while they cheer Aaron further along his dark and desperate path.  Yes.  Ya’ll are *that* predictable.  

But Maggie, though?  How long you gonna wait?  Because you gonna be waiting on Daryl’s ass a long time.  

“Cheesy video guy.” LOL.  Leave it to Princess.  Somehow that Lance dude looks even cheesier in RL.  

By the screaming cave?  What the hell is the screaming cave?  

Ohh.  Next episode actually looks interesting.  Thank goodness it’s not a bottle episode strictly focusing on Virgil/Connie though because no matter how much I like Connie/Lauren?  I don’t think whatever story she’s stuck in with Virgil is enough to keep me riveted to the tv.  

Overall impression of this episode--again, I enjoyed it.  Aaron’s dream was dark AF.  Hell.  Aaron was dark AF in this episode.  Ross Marquand did some really strong work and I’m glad he finally got a moment to shine even though I hate seeing him leaning into the darkness instead of his inherent goodness.  Judith and Rosita’s scenes were touching.  Carol/Melissa made me bawl in the span of two minutes.  That’s why she’s the MVP of this show, lovelies.  She does so very much with so little.  I’m just glad we didn’t have to see Leah and her band of bitchass brothers this episode.  

I’m going to miss this show when it’s gone.  At least I’ll have the Carol and Daryl spinoff off to ease my heartache.  

#The Walking Dead #Season 11 #TWD spoilers #things that make me smile and cry #for reasons

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Covert Operative

@stinastar turned my own mind against me and hit me with this in my inbox: 

“Heeyyyyyyy babe.You did this to yourself. I’m here to kindly ask for your own idea 🤣“The totally untrained/civi/softie jumps in front of a bullet for the one who's already been shot like five times? The ex spy or some shit who's been tortured and lived. And their twinky little SO was like NOPE” I’m assuming you’ll do geraskier but you know I also adore lambden. THANKS CAN’T WAIT. This is much better than filling my own prompts 🤣😘💖”

and i was feeling that Lambden life so, boo, this one’s for you 😘😘 ily

Warnings: this is all pretty canon typical levels of violence just modern au style, guns, gunshots, someone gets shot, allusions to killing, BIG TIME deception, feelings of betrayal, one of them is a secret spy, it ends soft but it is not a fluff piece, think an episode of NCIS or Covert Affairs. 

_________________

He’d found out by teasing Aiden about missing an exit. 

Aiden didn’t miss anything; he skipped it. Then drove them in circles, checking his mirrors the whole way, as he tried to convince Lambert he was just looking for something.

Lambert unbuckled and threatened to roll out of the car on a side street before Aiden finally admitted it. 

Covert operative, he’d said. Lambert had been thinking about proposing. To a spy.

They now sat across from each other on the upper level patio of a quaint little bistro, rather far away from the farmers market they were headed to, and Lambert was absolutely livid. Aiden ordered for them while Lambert pretended to be on his phone. Aiden had taken the battery out of that though, so it was more an excuse to not talk to him. 

“Bert-”

“Don’t fucking call me that,” Lambert snapped, barely keeping his voice low enough, “Only family calls me that.” 

The hurt on Aiden’s face wasn’t even slightly hidden and, oh did Lambert want to believe it was genuine, “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you. I did. But knowing placed you at greater risk.”

Lambert locked eyes with him, lips pressed together in a thin narrow line and eyebrows arching up as if to say “bang up job”, but he kept silent. 

“You don’t have to believe me right now. I just need you to listen to me. Please,” Aiden looked almost terrified for a moment before he schooled his features. He just looked like your average person out on a date with their live-in significant other. The pistol in his laptop case sitting on the table was the only thing an outsider would find odd.

Looking at Lambert was completely different.

He was breathing heavy, bouncing his knee fast enough the cooks in the kitchen below them could probably feel it, and the murderous look in his eyes alone would have killed someone unaccustomed to it. 

“I don’t even know you.” he growled.

“I’m still me. I swear to God, this was the only lie I ever told you,” Aiden offered a soft smile as he leaned forward a bit, “And that I liked your experiment with growing tea. So two lies.”

Lambert scoffed, crossing his arms and looking across the street. 

“Be as angry as you want. Hell, take a swing at me once we make it to a safehouse. But please - Lambert. Please tell me you can follow my instruction to the letter. You can hate me, and I’ll understand that, but I need to make sure you’re safe.” 

“Fine.”

A different waitress set their food in front of them in the tense silence that followed and just before she left Lambert noticed the edge of her tattoo peeking out underneath her shirt sleeve.

He glanced up at Aiden and made a split second decision, turning to the server, “Cool tattoo! Where did you get it? I’ve been looking for a good artist.” 

She blinked at him with round brown eyes before smiling and tucking her short curly hair behind her ear, “In Panama, actually. I had an interesting summer holiday last year.”

Something in Aiden shifted when she rolled her sleeve up and showed them the sailor’s Celtic knot taking up all of her inner forearm. Lambert looked politely, leaning into the ‘don’t raise suspicion’ issue Aiden had pressed.

“You make much better holiday tattoo decisions than I do. You know,” he cocked his head to the side and squinted a bit, “You look really familiar. Do you work anywhere else? I swear I’ve seen you before.”

She shrugged, “I’ve had to bounce around lately.”

“Renfri!” Lambert exclaimed, “You worked at the plant nursery! Sold me the giant monstera plant!” 

Aiden couldn’t have been any more tense as Renfri just nodded and made some excuse about getting back to work. 

“What? You told me to be as normal as possible.” 

Aiden stood as soon as she’d disappeared down the stairs, grabbing his computer bag before gripping Lambert’s wrist and hauling him up, “We have to go.” 

Lambert stumbled as he followed after him, a lead weight settling in his stomach, “She doesn’t work at either of those places, does she?”

“No. That was a completed knot. We need to move fast,” Aiden ducked into an employees only staircase that spit them out in a parking lot one street from their car. He broke into a dead sprint down an alley after a glance behind him. 

As soon as they’d cleared the brick, a bullet lodged itself where Lambert’s chest had just been a moment before. 

His whole body felt numb with shock. Aiden pulled him forward and shouted something at him but he didn’t register it until the third time. 

“Lambert! Climb through the fucking window!” Aiden was nearly screaming at him but shook his head and kept pulling him away from the open window that looked like it had been recently broken. Did… did Aiden do that?

He actually took a turn onto a busy street and sprinted up a block before diving right out in front of traffic, Lambert still in tow. They ran for another couple blocks before they dove into another alley that Lambert recognized as leading to their parked car. He had no idea if they were still being followed but he didn’t much care. He barely registered Aiden glancing back to check on him, didn’t even think he might be checking to see if Renfri was behind them. 

She wasn’t. She was leaning against their car, casually checking the chamber of her gun. 

“There you are boys!” she smiled brightly, “Took you long enough.”

Aiden slid to a stop on the gravel, keeping his fingers laced through Lambert’s, “Shrike.” 

“Cat,” She let go of the slide and the snapping sound echoed through the courtyard parking lot, “You killed my sister.”

“I didn’t.”

Lambert was starting to feel light headed as his mind caught up.

“No,” She conceded, “But you might as well have. What you stole got her executed.” 

“You two shouldn’t have gotten mixed up with Skinner.”

Before the last word had left Aiden’s lips Renfri raised her gun and fired.

She’d been aiming straight for his heart but Lambert shoved him aside with every last bit of strength he had. He felt a searing pain flash through his shoulder, outright blinding, even before he registered the crack of the shot. There were two more cracks back to back then nothing for a moment. There was one set of footsteps on gravel then one more sounded before the ringing in his ears muffled everything else.

Aiden was over him soon after, scrambling to stop the bleeding and yelling… something… but Lambert couldn’t hear him and his eyelids were feeling heavier and heavier by the second. 

-

Lambert tried to wiggle his nose and get rid of the itch as he woke up, but it only got worse. He tried to scratch it and ended up smacking himself in the face. His limbs felt heavy and there was a tube under his nose. 

Oh.

He was in a hospital. 

Where was Aiden?

He forced his eyes open as Aiden gently picked his hand up off his face. His eyes were red and a little puffy and he looked downright awful. There was blood all over his shirt, a little in his hair, and the bags under his eyes were a deep shade of purple. 

“What.. what are you…?”

Aiden bit his bottom lip for a moment before taking a shaky breath, “I’ll go if you want me to. I just needed to see you wake up,” he barely choked out his words as his eyes welled up with tears. 

Lambert frowned, “No. Stay.”

Aiden tried to laugh but it came out as more of a sob as he grabbed Lambert’s other hand and cradled it in his, “I’m so sorry…” he whispered. 

Lambert gave his hands a squeeze, “Please don’t go.”

“I won’t,” Aiden shook his head, “I’ll do anything you want me to.”

“Get me out of here?” Lambert grinned.

Aiden snorted, wiping at his nose with his bloodstained sleeve, “Anything but that.” 

They smiled and fell into a heavy silence. Aiden stared at their hands where he not so slyly kept a finger over Lambert’s pulse. 

“Hey,” Lambert’s voice had a husk to it that he only got when he was about to cry, “I still love you.”

Aiden just stared at him with wide eyes. 

“I’m scared, but I love you,” he repeated. 

Aiden leaned over and kissed his forehead, tears falling over his hair, “I love you too.”

#lambden #lambden fic #lambden hurt comfort #is this really hurt comfort? #lambden whump #lambert #aided #lambert the witcher #aiden the witcher #the witcher #the witcher fic #the witcher modern au #the witcher spy au #lambden modern au #lambden spy au #tw guns #tw being shot at #tw being shot #yall this was so much fun I havent cranked out something so long so fast in a MINUTE

[randomingoftherandomness]

What I am hoping for from Winner is King ( 烽火流金)

Okay, so at this point, let’s just be reals here, Word of Honor has kinda set the bar for me in terms of standards to expect from the slew of danmei adaptations this year. Granted, I know that there are some who think the way it was adapted was not up to their standards and that it could have been done better, please don’t bring it on this post because this is not the post for it.

In this post, I’m going to talk about  Winner is King (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

Now, Sha Po Lang, the original novel, is for me one of the best things that I have read in a very long while. As such, I can be rather precious about what I am hoping to see come alive on the show and what I am hoping will be present in the portrayals I see. I know there are some concerns regarding the script and behind the scenes stuff - and they are very valid concerns that I feel too! - and with the recent announcement that instead of 45 episodes, we are only getting 40, I can foresee that there could be some rushed handlings of the very plotty nature of the source material and perhaps a sense that style can trump substance.

But as the actual show isn’t beaming right into our eyeballs just yet, here are some things I am looking forward to seeing in Winner is King and some things that I am crossing my fingers will make the final cut! 

Warning for some novel spoilers ahead. I’ll keep it under the read more.

Tagging @zhongwans because I said I would haha...

Things I am looking forward to:

The Changgu dynamic. I think it goes without saying that if the chemistry between your leads is a dud, the show doesn’t need to even pass Go, it can just shuffle itself off the board because it will be dead in the water. The Changgu dynamic has to be nailed; I need to see that self-doubt, that caring for the other but coming at it from the wrong way, that awkwardness that comes with trying to hold back the burden of your love and care because you don’t want to overwhelm the other... 

I need Gu Yun to be shamelessly sweet with his words and his coaxing of his Yan Wang from a sulk. I need Changgu saying “I hate you to death, Gu Yun” (pining)

Hu Ge Er. Let me just be clear here, I will cheer when she dies, but I hope that how they handle her characterisation will do her justice. There is no excusing the level of horrible that she is, but I hope that she isn’t written as a single dimension abusive piece of shit. Nuance, is what I am looking for. I need her to be the villain and the reason for Chang Geng.

I. NEED. THE. WOLF. ATTACK. SCENE. OUTSIDE. OF. YANHUI. TOWN. aka The First Time They Meet

There is legit no excuse for them to fuck this up, but the Steampunk elements. I would not know what else to say if they fuck this one thing up that is so integral and basic to the love of this IP. They cannot fuck this up. I am very sure I will join people in rioting if they do.

I need to see my Red Kites, my Heavy and Light Armours, my Dragons... I need to see the steam powered lamps, the iron puppets... I need them to get the Wind Slashers right. I need them to get this world-building right ok? I need to be dropped into this show and just swoon over just how accurate to imagination everything looks. Tencent does have the blessed ability to make very good looking productions, so on this note, I am assured. 

I need them to get the human element right; I need to understand why Gu Yun is the way he is, I need to know why the members of the Lin Yuan Pavillion will back Chang Geng and why they won’t. I need to know why Liao Chi would betray the Emperor. I need them to make me feel; I want them to make my heart hurt when Chang Geng’s heart is hurting, I want them to make me cry when Gu Yun is at his lowest and feels like he can’t go on. I want them to make me laugh, I want to feel for Shen Yi and Miss Chen’s awkward courting. 

On that note, I hope they get the Shen Yi and Gu Yun dynamic right too! These two are bros ok? Life and death, ride or die, best bros forever and I need, need them to nail just how integral these are to each other and how much they chose each other as family. I need the bickering, I need the protectiveness, I need the banter. 

I also need Chang Geng conspiring to marry Shen Yi off quickly so that he can have Gu Yun all to himself lol but lbr here if we can get an ending for this show from Tencent that even breathes the same atmosphere of air as satisfactory I will praise the heavens

The Bone of Impurity. I don’t know to what extent they will cover this or if they would do it the way the book does it, but this being an element that is integral to Chang Geng, I would be surprised if they dropped it entirely. So yeah, I am looking forward to seeing Chang Geng fretting and worrying and getting Bone of Impurity attacks.

Just the way that Gu Yun allows himself to be cared for my Chang Geng and how Chang Geng lets Gu Yun care for him

I want one acupuncture hedgehog scene please and thank you

I do want to see how they handle Chang Geng and his elder half-brother; how that dynamic unfolds will be something to pay some attention to, I think

Oh! That moment when Chang Geng kneels down in front of his brother and tells him to please bury any talk of his marriage and revealing to his brother the scars that he carries from his time living under Hu Ge Er’s roof (this is one brand of Whump that I promise you will hurt you very badly and it will be very good)

The argument at Jiangnan is something I really think will also make the final cut. It wouldn’t make sense to drop it seeing as this is a pivotal shift in their relationship where Chang Geng is finally holding his ground and not bending over backwards and believing everything his Yi Fu says. And this was the catalyst for their four year separation so yeah. I hope they do this justice.

I am not a betting person, but I high key bet that the scene between Gu Yun and the previous Emperor where he tells the man, “If you go, then I won’t have anyone left” and this being the moment that softens the dying fucker’s heart enough to give him a bracelet of beads that will be a major plot point towards the end

THE. BATTLE. SCENES.

Things I am hoping will happen:

At this point, speculation is that the point that tripped Winner Is King up for a recheck was the politics. This year is the 100th anniversary of the founding of the Communist Party in China and rumour has it that shit be sieving thick and so a lot of shows are erring on the side of caution. 

Politics is the highest likelihood of a recheck but I am hoping that it won’t be dumbed down or watered down too much because the politics and the way things played out in the book was absolutely divine and I really want to see that court intrigue and scheming and interplay unfold.

I’ve mentioned in my most recent podcast episode that I am banking on this show to scratch my itch for a Nirvana in Fire level of plottiness and infinite craftiness of the characters and I am crossing all fingers and toes for that to happen because All! The! Characters! Hold! Their! Own! And I need to see that play out please I am not asking for much...

The final sea battle with the Pope. I wouldn’t even know where they would even begin to shoot that scene but this is something I would love to see happen.

The Bone of Impurity attack after Gu Yun sneakily left the capital. That was the scene that caught me and hooked, lined and sinkered me for Chang Geng as a character. Listening to this scene be brought to life in the audio drama has really hammered it home that if they make this bit into the show, I will watch and weep if it is done right. 

Cao Niangzi being Cao Niangzi. I am thinking it might not happen the way I want, but I just need them to get them right.

Ge Chen peeing on the enemy’s face. Please. I laughed so hard. I need this. It will be a balm to my soul.

Please, I need Gu Yun’s soul crushing flute playing like I need Gong Jun to always be absolutely horrible at singing because baby this is your niche and this is your charm own it work it

I also need Gu Yun stealing a bamboo flute from a 10 year old because he got jealous please and thank you

Any flashback of Chang Geng and Hu Ge Er before Yanhui Town

I want to see that moment that Gu Yun hears first hand from someone who had knowledge of what Hu Ge Er would do to a baby Chang Geng and the horrible abuse she inflicted on him, because up to that point, he only knew that something went on, but never to the extent that revelation wrought unto him

Any of the Bone of Impurity moments; any mention of it, any visual representation of it... Gosh, just the idea of having the Bone of Impurity made visual is just... Ugh. Yes. Please. The suffering.

[bonus] Things I wish will happen but will probably not:

The hot spring scene or a version of it

An implication that baby cannibalism was involved in the making of a Bone of Impurity

The scene where they get to the goddess doll (the description of it in the book was so bone chilling and if they do this I will have nightmares, I’m just warning you)

I really, really want a scene where, after being crowned Emperor, Chang Geng goes to the frontlines to reclaim the South and upon hearing that he was there, Gu Yun immediately panicked like he was about to be caught with his pants down doing something illegal when all he did was ordered his subordinates to keep news of his injuries from being reported back to the capital

Any flashback of Chang Geng and Hu Ge Er before Yanhui Town; especially when they were with the Barbarians

I want to see some version of Hu Ge Er realising what she has done to her own child and to Chang Geng

Okay this got super long but what are you guys looking forward to seeing when Winner is King hits our screens? I’m looking forward to creating content for this fandom when it hits ೕ(˃̵ᴗ˂̵ ๑) In the meantime, sound off on what you’re expecting and what you’re maybe wary about!

#winner is king #feng huo liu jin #烽火流金 #gab to watch #changgu #chang geng #gu yun #tencent #cdrama #sha po lang #杀破狼

[weapon13whitefang]

Here’s why I, personally, don’t think the Daryl Spoiler is as big of a fucking deal as people are making it out to be.

So it’s all over the fandom by now, Imma just say shit now. If you don’t wanna know, don’t read anymore okay? Sorry not sorry at this point.

For those that don’t know what I’m talking about and want to know, here’s the scoop – This is all told in flashback due to Dog leading Daryl and Carol to a Cabin Daryl recognizes. In the flashback, after the bridge explosion that “killed” Rick, Daryl seems to still be off wandering the woods and searching the water for Rick’s body (As we knew he was).  We don’t know his state of mind or how he’s acting but if this isn’t long after Rick’s “Death” then he’s most likely still in mourning.

Well then Daryl runs into a woman named Leah, which we see a glimpse of this woman in one of the trailers (Which, honestly, is so quick and brief and for a second I thought it was Magna funny enough but annyywayyy), and at first she’s very stand-offish and up in arms against Daryl (understandable, most of the survivors that don’t know each other tend to be hostile/guarded against each other). She seems to realize Daryl isn’t a threat and the two part ways.

We’re give moments of time that show Daryl and Leah keep running into each other as he’s searching for Rick and Leah is doing whatever she is doing. We aren’t specified on how these constant run-ins are played out. We don’t know if Daryl talks to her or she confronts him a lot. We don’t know. We just know that time goes by and that they’ve formed a relationship with each other. We don’t get any specifics, again, besides she’s cooking for him at his camp, they’re snuggles up watching stars together, and apparently there’s a hint that they’re noodling with one another because the. we see Daryl and Leah under a blanket together in front of a fire and she snuggles him closer to her… And we get Dog as a Puppy… Which, does that mean Daryl and Leah found dog together? Or was Dog Leah’s dog and she left him to Daryl? Or what?... Oh well, Puppy Dog! Also… They don’t SHOW Daryl having sex. It’s implied, sure, but anything can look sexually implied with the right lighting and angle. So if they did bump uglies, I don’t know for certain until I get to SEE the episode.

Well, anyway, we then go from snuggles by the fire and puppies to back at the cabin with Leah telling Daryl that he needs to start choosing what he wants because she thinks he’s all over the place… Now, to be fair, it’s kind of always been that Daryl gets dragged all over the place. He’s torn between his loyalty to Rick and finding him, his loyalty to those in Alexandria, and now apparently his whatever relationship with Leah. Well if Daryl says anything to this, I don’t know the spoiler doesn’t say. But he apparently leaves and goes back to his search for Rick’s body before he’s back at the camp. Which leads to a meetup with Carol, who comes by his camp to bring him stuff but also to tell him she isn’t going to be able to visit him anymore because Ezekiel and Henry need her at the Kingdom (which explains a little to why Daryl seemed surprised to see her later on when she and Henry go looking for him). This news seems to settle things for Daryl and he wanders back to the cabin for Leah… But Leah isn’t there. But her shit is still around, so Daryl believes she’ll be back. So he leaves her, basically, a little love note. “I belong here with you. Come find me.” But it’s implied she chose to just leave him, even knowing the routes he takes to look for Rick and how to get to his camp.

So… that’s the big booharah that has everyone shitting themselves and freaking the fuck out… Over what? This is a flashback. FLASHBACK. Something that happened during the missing years of the time jump… This implies Daryl has been out in the woods for YEARS looking for Rick, first of all (Which OMG my fucking heart. Knew this but the confirmation makes my heart want to cry for their brotherly love U3U ). But this whole mess has shown me that… A lot of people would rather have Daryl alone and miserable in the woods than find any form of comfort in someone. He’s lonely for fuck sake! He’s lonely, his best friend said she won’t be coming around anymore, his brother-friend is “Dead”, and he’s not happy back at Alexandria without being able to put Rick to rest but doesn’t wanna be far from them in case they need him… He’s just a lonely guy. And, I’m sorry, but this belief that Daryl needs to be alone for six/seven years… That’s just cruel.

But here’s what is making me laugh. This is OBVIOUSLY a show of character develop for Daryl. About why he is more comfortable with opening up to someone like Connie (this isn’t a ship call out, this is an observation). That Daryl can be open to having a romantic interest when, up until now, he’s been the lone wolf character just floating around everyone. No real settlement to a character (no matter what you all think or wanna say, Daryl was never in-canon called out as being with any character in a romantic way. Can still say the same for Leah to). This was an opening for Daryl to not be alone anymore, because Carol wasn’t gonna be coming around anymore and no one else came out to help him/stay with him. So I don’t blame him for reaching for someone he connected to, even if only briefly. If Daryl is comfortable with you/cares for you in any capacity, he will reach out for you. And whether we like it or not, he got comfortable with Leah. He let her snuggle him, guys. That’s a big sign he was okay with her. Sexy time aside, whatever. He was something with her and she to him and then she was just outty-3000. Which is really sad for him... Someone else he was close to stopped coming around. Like, Damn. Daryl can’t catch a break. Also, let it be noted, he didn’t go chasing her down. He could’ve easily tracked Leah down to stay with her/let her know in person he’s picking her... He didn’t. That tells me a lot. That should tell you all a lot!

Third thing is… This happened IN THE PAST. This means that the Daryl we see that Carol and Henry finds and up until now is still the same Daryl we’ve been seeing. This doesn’t change his narrative. It just adds more layers to him. It shows more growth, That’s great after all those seasons of Daryl having no lines or actions or any growth. It’s downright beautiful to me!

Nothing has changed for Daryl. He’s still the same as he was… Well right now he’s very angry and hurt and fighting with Carol, but he’s in a raw state right now. Remembering something like that then having a recent heart wrenching event be brought back up – the Connie trapped thing – has made Daryl’s hackles rise and he’s lashing out. We know that’s what Daryl does. He bites hard and digs into what makes you upset. Like when he threw the stuff about Beth cutting her wrist at her. He said that to specifically hurt her. Just as he threw the “No… That’s on You. That’s on you because you never know when to stop”. He held back on biting her head off back when the event happened. Which shows a lot of growth from Daryl and a lot of maturity. But he’s raw and upset so he’s digging at her.

This won’t end their friendship. Friends and couples fight all the time. This doesn’t mean they’re finished with each other. For the Carylers out there hissing a fit, these two are raw and broken characters and sometimes two similar characters hurt each other cause they know how to. But that doesn’t mean they hate each other. And I believe Daryl when he said “I aint ever gonna hate you”. He’s just angry and Carol is defensive and that’s not a good combo for anyone together...

For you Bethylers, so what if he fucked someone else? It’s not like Daryl was an actual virgin. Norman said he liked the idea of playing Daryl LIKE a virgin. But I always took that as emotionally. He’s an emotional virgin learning to experience and grow and shy about his feelings and understanding them…. He’s MERLE DIXON’S little brother. He followed Merle around. You think Daryl didn’t fuck around when he and Merle were running around? Look at Season 1 Daryl. That boy was a rough around wild man. Aint no way he never fucked before. Or at least got a blow job. I’m not saying he couldn’t be, but I don’t see Merle letting his brother move about with him without getting fucked/not letting his brother come off as gay (To put it in Merle’s colorful term). Not the way those characters were before S3. Nah.

For the Donnie fans, this just explains why he’s been so easy to open to Connie. He’s had practice letting someone in and being comfortable with the idea of it again. Connie also makes it easy on him by being her adorable and understanding self. Without Daryl’s growth into a previous emotional/physical relationship, I don’t see them connecting as quickly as they did.

I really do not see why this has everyone in a frantic state, Maybe I just look at things differently? Or I just don’t care that much about who Daryl ends up with forever. As long as he’s in a good headspace and happy… Let Daryl Fuck! Let him develop away from the Alexandrian’s and everyone else. Let him develop at all, Jesus…

#the walking dead #the walking dead spoilers #daryl dixon #beth greene #twd carol #queen carol #twd connie #twd leah #twd spoilers #the Daryl Dixon incident

[alovesongshewrote]

Jolene | Hisirdoux Casperan x Reader

Plot:  Douxie teaches you how to play the guitar after a nasty break-up.

Word Count: 1,794

Warnings:  Angst, descriptions of being in a toxic relationship, break-ups, crying, cheating, the gif has nothing to do with the plot i just like it

A/N:  So, while this is cute towards the end and everything, I just want to apologize for anything that might be triggering.  I got out of a very nasty relationship recently and I needed to vent.  Thank the gods for the wizard boy, amirite?  Anyway, thank you so much for reading, AATY will be updated soon, it’s just taking longer because I want to stay accurate to the actual episodes of wizards.  Love you guys, please enjoy <3

(Also, try reading this while listening to Jolene and tell me what you think, bc I never did that and I want to know)

Tag List: @furblrwurblr​

Looking back on it, you should have broken things off sooner.

Literally, every flag in that relationship had been red, but you ignored them all hoping that he’d get better.  That he’d start to listen to you without responding in a resentful way, that he’d stop trying to control you, that he’d learn to respect your boundaries without a fight.  It never happened.

You tried to bring up your grievances with him, but he always tried to turn it back on you, making it seem like your fault.  It didn’t work.  You were smart enough to recognize manipulation and gaslighting, but you weren’t smart enough to leave.

And then he cheated on you.  That was enough.

You ended things as respectfully as possible, even though he really didn’t deserve it.  You didn’t even mention his infidelity or the fact that he had never respected you.  All you did was tell him that it wasn’t a good time for a relationship.  He tried to make you feel guilty, but he never once asked you to stay or told you he loved you.  You did the right thing.  You knew that.

But you felt like crap after it was over.

All you did for the next two days was lounge around in your pyjamas and listen to ‘Jolene,’ by Dolly Parton over and over again.  It wasn’t productive, but it was what you needed.

It made your friends a little nervous though.  

Throughout your little break from society, you'd received a decent amount of texts from concerned friends who weren’t super sure what was going on but wanted to support you nonetheless.  

Douxie was the first person you’d told.

He was the friend you trusted the most.

Of course, he was concerned for you.  So concerned, in fact, that he straight-up ran to your apartment to spend time with you.  And you really appreciated that.

You’d let him into your small home, which was surprisingly clean for the spiral you’d been going down.  The only thing that a person could find odd was the music you were listening to.  It was just ‘Jolene’ by Dolly Parton, over and over again.

It wasn’t exactly his type of music, but he respected your coping mechanisms.  And he had to admit, the guitar was really nice.

“So, how’re you holding up,”

“I’m okay I guess.  Better than I thought I’d be.  It just kinda hurts, y’ know?”

“I know, darling, I know.  Here, sit down, I’m making you some tea,”

“You don’t have to-”

“I’m going to,”

You smiled, watching him walk into your kitchen before you flopped down onto your couch.  The tea didn’t take long, and before you knew it, Douxie was on the couch next to you.

The warmth from the cup was nice, simulating human contact.  You missed human contact.  And now you had no one to give it to you.  Not like you did before, but still, the thought stung.

You didn’t realize there were tears in your eyes until Douxie’s hand was on your shoulder.  His hazel eyes peering into yours.  You hoped he didn’t see how hurt you really were.

He did.

“Oh, love, come ‘ere,”

More tears came to your eyes as Douxie came closer, wrapping you in the best hug you’d had in months.  He didn’t say anything, and neither did you.  He just held you close and let you cry into his shoulder for as long as you needed.  And this was what you needed.  

It took you about ten minutes to cry yourself out.  Douxie didn’t mind.  He was going to be there for you, no matter what, and if that meant his shirt got a little damp, he didn’t care.  You were more important.

“Thanks, Doux,”  you said, voice rough from crying, “Oh, god.  I’m sorry,”

“You don’t need to apologize.  You needed to vent your feelings, I’m just glad I could help,”

“Me too,” you pulled back, just enough to see his face, “I’m still going to apologize for getting your shirt wet though,”

Douxie laughed, “That’s fine, (Y/N), I care more about you than the shirt,”

You didn’t say anything.  If you did you’d cry again.

So, you just sat there, relaxing with your friend, drinking tea and listening to Jolene on repeat.  Your eyes were closed, your head on his shoulder, and his arm around you.  It was nice.  Really nice.  Better than anything in your actual relationship.

And then you had an idea.

“Hey, Douxie?  You do music, yeah?”

“Yeah, why do you ask?”

“Do you think you could teach me how to play this on the guitar?”

“If you want me to I can,”

“I think I’d like that.  I want to make something good out of this.  It can’t be all heartbreak,”

“You’re right, darling, it can’t.  We won’t let it,”

You smiled at him, making his whole being feel warm, “Thank you,”

“It’s my pleasure.  I can pick you up tomorrow if you’d like?”

“That sounds good,” you said, relaxing back into your place at his side.

The two of you stayed like that for another hour.  You could have stayed there forever, but you wanted Douxie to get home before it got too dark.  Weird things happened in Arcadia at night, and wizard or not, you’d prefer it if he stayed safe.  

You said goodbye in a moment of tension.  Not the same angry tension you’d known with your ex, but something new.  Something much softer.  You realized then that you wanted to kiss Douxie.  That kissing him wouldn’t be a chore, something you did to keep up appearances.  It wouldn’t be something that was done to you because someone else wanted it.  This would be something you did because you wanted to.  But you didn’t kiss him.  Not yet.

The next day, Douxie was at your door, ready to walk you from your apartment to his.  It wasn’t a long walk by any means, but it was enough to fit in some quirky banter.  It was more than enough for you to feel safe again.

“Do you think pigeons have feelings?” you asked as Douxie unlocked the door.

“Probably.  We could ask Archie, he might know?”

“That sounds like a plan,”

He let you into his home, which was just as you remembered it.  Comfortable, a bit scrappy, but in a way that made you feel comfortable.  Right now, Douxie’s apartment felt more like home than yours did.

“You get the guitar, I’ll make tea,”  you said, turning to face him.

“You don’t have to-”

“Ah, yes, but I’m going to,”

He smiled as you walked away.

One pot of tea later, a guitar was in your hands.  It was taking you a hot minute to get the chords right, but you were nothing if not determined.  Douxie was an amazing teacher.  He was patient, calm, and not at all condescending.  It was a nice change from what you were used to.

“Here, let me,” he said, moving his hands to rest over yours, positioning your hands properly, “Like this,”

“Thank you, Douxie,”

“It’s not a problem, love,”

“No, I mean, seriously.  You didn’t have to do this.  Thank you,”

He moved his eyes from your hands to your eyes, “(Y/N), of course I had to do this.  You deserve the world and better,”  he took a deep breath,  “Love, I’m so sorry that that bastard hurt you.  He did so many awful things to you, and you’re incredible for handling it the way that you did,”

“Really?”

“Uh, yeah?  You handled it like an adult.  I think I would have killed him,”

You laughed.  You wouldn’t mind it so much if Douxie fought your ex.  You didn’t want him dead, but if your wizard friend could kick his ass a little, that would be nice.  Of course, the first one who got a chance at knocking some sense into that slimy git would be you, but after that Douxie could have his turn.  The thought made you laugh harder.

It only took a minute for both you and Douxie to be on the floor, laughing.  It wasn’t even that funny, but crying from laughter felt a lot better than crying from heartbreak.  Eventually, you picked up the guitar again, but it took a while.  You couldn’t get enough of Douxie’s laugh, and he couldn’t get enough of yours.

Before he walked you home, Douxie grabbed your shoulders, “You know you deserve better than him, right?”

You grinned, wrapping your arms around his waist, “I know.  But it’s nice to hear someone else say it,”

“I’m glad I could be of service,”

You giggled again, still wanting to kiss him.  But you didn’t.  Not yet.

It took you a little while to learn all of Jolene.  Some parts were harder than others, but eventually, you got it.  Douxie had never been prouder.  

After that, you were addicted.  You got Douxie to teach you other songs.  It didn’t take much convincing.  He loved listening to you play.  He loved a lot more than that, and you loved a lot more than the guitar.

It had been a few months since the break-up.  

You were in Douxie’s apartment, Archie curled up by the window, the wizard himself in the kitchen, and you on the couch, trying to get a chord right.  It wasn’t going well.  You groaned loudly, waking Archie.

“You don’t have more questions about pigeons, do you?  Because I told you, I will not be speaking with them again-”

“No, Arch, it’s not that.  It’s just this freaking chord is driving me insane,”

“Ah,” the familiar said, looking between you and the guitar, “I’d help if I had hands.  Good luck, though,”

“Thanks, Arch,”  you returned your focus to the chord, still frustrated.  Then Douxie’s hands were on yours.

“You’ve almost got it, it’s just-”  he adjusted your hands.  As he did, you noticed how close he was, seated behind you on the couch.

“Thank you, Doux.  Not just for this, I mean for everything, you’ve been amazing the past few months, and I-”

“(Y/N), I would do anything for you,”

You turned as much as you could, facing him, “Really?”  you asked, hearing your own smirk in your voice.

Douxie laughed slightly, “Really.  I-”  he bit his lip, driving you more insane than any guitar chord ever could, “I think I love you, (Y/N),”

This was it.

You (finally) kissed him.

And it wasn’t a chore or something that was done to you, it was something you did that you both wanted to do.  It was soft and safe, and it felt good.  It felt like you were loved the way you deserved to be loved.  This was the world and better.

“I love you too, Douxie,”

#hisirdoux x reader #hisirdoux casperan x reader #douxie x reader #douxie imagine #hisirdoux imagine #angst #toxic relationship #toxic relationships #tw toxic relationship #tw abusive relationship #crying #emotions #vent fic #tw emotional manipulation #hisirdoux #hisirdoux casperan #douxie #toa douxie #toa hisirdoux #don't worry #douxie doesn't do anything bad #just the ex #im sad lol #hopefully this makes it better #to the one person who knows about this blog who knows me irl #yeah #it got oof #idk if you'll read this #just thought i'd leave a note