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writing-for-life · 9 months

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Nuance in (The Sandman) Fandom

Send me asks about everything Sandman-related!

I thought a lot over the past few days, partly prompted by discourse on here, partly due to a couple of “interesting” asks and messages I received (the type you don’t answer). I *think* they might have been prompted by engaging in discourse on topics like anti-blackness/racism, misogyny/sexism, TERF characters etc in The Sandman.

Fandoms are always getting super sensitive if someone shines a critical lens on their favourite works, authors and characters. So to make this clear (in case it isn’t already obvious from my brain-rot blog):

I love The Sandman. I love Neil Gaiman. I have an extremely soft spot for Dream (and Desire btw, who deserves a lot more character analysis than just being summed up as “villainous, sexy bitch”. One day, perhaps ;)).

I can read The Sandman and just get lost in the story, even after decades and many rereads.

But I can also view it through a critical lens—these things aren’t mutually exclusive.

Not critical enough or too critical?

As fans, we can get trapped in certain thinking patterns, like:

“My blorbo can do no wrong”-syndrome

“Characters with flaws are inherently problematic and imply authorial endorsement of those actions”

“Characterisation and problematic subtext are one and the same” (aka overanalysing and looking for problems where there are none is the death of every story, but failing to see problematic patterns where they are clearly visible is a problem, too).

Don't say anything bad about my favourite character

I think this doesn’t need much further exploration. It’s not my personal way of looking at stories through permanently rose-tinted glasses (I always feel it stalls my experience, but my experience is not everyone else's). Some people prefer that type of escapism, and I’m good with that (although the downside is of course that by not willing to engage with issues, we can unwillingly perpetuate them). Live and let live, ship and let sail. But please, for the love of god: Don’t insult people via their inboxes or messages just because their opinions and preferences don’t align with yours. I’m not going to sugarcoat it or phrase it “nicely”: It’s infantile (and a form of bullying btw), end of.

How can you even like a character who's so horrible? And that author must be equally horrible, too

We have to separate flawed characters, even those who are written to be really problematic, from real-life endorsement of these actions.

Author, narrator and character are three fundamentally different things, and don’t overlap as much as some people seem to think.

We can write vile, despicable characters to make a point (for me, Thessaly was always a prime example for this, and I explained why here). We probably hate them as we write them. I don’t know what else to say, but this facet of writing seems to get more and more lost on people, and it’s a worry. Crying for sanitised characterisation is one step away from censorship. We explore what is problematic about people and humanity through story. That’s how we process and learn. It’s nothing new, but it becomes impossible if we can’t write flawed and even disgusting characters.

Face value…

Since I’m mostly in The Sandman fandom, I often read that its ending is hopeless, and that’s supposedly the entire message.

It is agonisingly sad, yes. But is it truly hopeless? I personally see it as quite the opposite, but of course that’s my opinion, coloured by my life experiences.

I also get that show-only fans often haven’t read the comics, or at least not the whole arc. And as such, their outlook from what they’ve seen so far (and choose to focus on) has to be different by default. I also understand that many people are quite new to the comics, even if they have read them in their entirety. I’ve sat with them for 30 years, and I still find new things on every reread (and I read it more times than anyone should 🙈), and I still don’t feel like I’ve understood it all. Perhaps because I still haven’t fully understood myself (and it’s unlikely I ever will). If there’s one thing The Sandman isn’t, it’s one-dimensional and easy to grasp in its whole depth.

I just wrote a ginormous meta on it, if you’re interested, it’s here:

Subtext, (not so) glorious subtext

This is where it gets complicated:

We shouldn’t mix up characterisation and story subtext. Overanalysing every line to death will always make us find something that’s “problematic”, when it really isn’t in the wider context of the story.

Zooming in is NOT always a good thing. Sometimes, we actually need to zoom out.

But subtext *can be* (accidentally) problematic. Even in stories we love. And none of this negates what I previously wrote.

Stories have real-life implications of sorts, and we need to be able to talk about it. That’s where those slightly flabbergasting, hostile inbox messages come in, and I want to expand on that "topic of contention" a bit:

Neil himself confirmed that the Endless basically warp reality, and that this is why, after Dream’s failed relationship with Nada, many black women in his vicinity suffer terrible fates (Ruby and Carla in particular). And that this spell is only broken when he dies, and that it is the reason why Gwen doesn’t suffer the same fate. And said Gwen then gets used as a plot device to basically absolve Hob (who canonically really is a problematic character, whether show-only fans like it or not) from his slaver past. Once again, very clearly: No one is making this up. Neil confirmed it (for the comics, and that was over 20 years ago. It remains to be seen if his stance has changed as we move into that arc in the TV show).

I don't think it is correct to imply that Dream as a character is racist (I've read that, too) because he logically can’t be. He holds *all* the collective unconscious. He is also, strictly speaking, not white. He is everything and nothing, and he shows up in many different ethnicities throughout the whole arc, depending on who looks at him. But Neil played with a subtext here (reality warping due to a bad relationship which then affects everyone with similar physical traits) that will read very differently to a black person than it reads to a white person, and we have to understand why that is an *extremely* slippery slope.

Plus, we are supposed to see Hob, who *was* a racist at some point (you can’t not be if you’re a slave-trader—it’s impossible by default) as redeemed. And yes, he *does* regret deeply, good for him (and if I were saying this aloud, you would hear the sarcasm in my voice, because it is indeed all about him. We are to sympathise/empathise with him and his character growth while there isn’t much mention of the people he maltreated). But also: it was a black woman who basically forgave him (with dialogue that personally makes me cringe). And that black woman who offers forgiveness is not truly a black woman—she is a character written by a white man. And as much as author and character are not the same (see above), there is an inherent sensitivity in that power imbalance that we can't brush under the carpet.

I don’t think Neil is racist. Probably quite the opposite, and I can even see that his intentions were good from a storytelling point of view. BUT intention and impact are two fundamentally different things, and telling the story this way (comic version) betrays blindspots only white people have. Just like women have blindspots when they tell stories about men, and men have blindspots when they tell stories about women (and there are a few of those in The Sandman, too). And and and…

As storytellers, we can’t always speak from lived experience. It’s impossible. And that also means we occasionally make mistakes that look bad in hindsight, even if our intentions were good.

I guess the proof is in the pudding: What do we do when people who *have* that lived experience tell us it looks bad? If they inform us why it is hurtful, plays into old stereotypes etc?

Are we willing to listen and yield (both are the foundations of allyship btw), or are we insisting that our viewpoint as someone *without* lived experience is right? That lived experience extends to all lived experiences (sex/gender, sexual orientation, age...), and from all we’ve heard from Neil so far, it seems important to him to rewrite what he sees differently today. Whether they’ll always get it right for the show—we’ll see. At the moment, it looks a lot better than in the comics, and certain issues are already being handled with a lot more sensitivity, but a few problems remain.

Pushing back on criticism that comes from people with lived experience is problematic—I’d encourage us to think about what it looks like if a white majority in the fandom is basically saying that the opinions of POC are essentially “overreactions” (and yes, that happened).

It’s complicated. The Sandman was written in a different time, and I think we have to distinguish between things that weren’t really problematic at the time but have aged poorly (again, Thessaly springs to mind, and I have lived experience as a queer person during that time, so I can see it in context while at the same time acknowledging that I would make changes to bring it to the present day), and things that were always a problem due to blindspots. They were a problem in 1990, and if they don’t get changed, they are still a problem today.

This fandom is generally so much more open and nicer than others I know. But that doesn’t mean it’s infallible, because it’s full of humans.

Nuance is sorely needed, in both story interpretation and interaction between said humans.

#fandom discourse #fandom blindspots #sandman meta #sandman spoilers #the sandman #dream of the endless #hob gadling #nada #morpheus #sandman

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immortalmuses · 2 months

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@fatummortem sent: “ Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ” (Ry @ James) (for real this time 😊)

ㅤㅤㅤJames isn't sure why Ryouta is telling him this now (is it a playful warning? Because Proudstar considers him the opposite of a nuisance, really), but it still makes the taller mutant laugh. He pauses in unloading supplies, bracing his elbow on a crate and looking Ry over with a smirk.

ㅤㅤㅤ"Y'know, you kinda sound like your sister right now?" James doesn't bother clarifying which one (It's Gabby), just flashes the other mutant a shit-eating grin. "...It's cute."

#James has a blindspot for Ry's shenanigans #fatummortem #thread: fatummortem06 (Daken)#Fandom: Marvel #c: James Proudstar | Warpath #Warpath: threads #ic #Warpath :: verse :: tbd

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emmy-germany · 9 months

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Found this recently and had to think about Strike Back. And Blindspot. Both of course because of Sully. So, if you had to choose for the Series, which pill would you take for Strike Back and which for Blindspot?

Mine:

Strike Back ❤️ i would bring back Liam Baxter. His death came way to early and was so very surprising

Blindspot 🖤 to see again how the relationship of Jeller blossomed, yeah, definitely.

#blindspot #jeller #kurt weller #jane doe #strike back #damien scott #michael stonebridge #liam baxter #sullivan stapleton #jaimie alexander #philip winchester #liam garrigan #fandom polls #your choice #reblog with your answer #no wrong answers

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borgiatargaryen · 9 months

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i miss hosie (not legacies, just hosie)

#text #legacies #hosie #mel talks #most of the hosie fandom only used twitter but #yeah idk i miss the community #of accurately guessing what was gonna happen on the show #and watching h*ndons and h*zzies throwing fits about it #trying to claim hosie wasn't real #when actually they were the realest thing on that show #i mean JOSIE GAVE MORE FUCKS ABOUT HOPE THAN HER OWN FATHER WHEN HOPE WAS THE ONE WHO PUT HER FATHER IN A COMA #AND THEY NEVER GAVE UP ON EACH OTHER #EVER #AND THEY HAD A SHARED PIECE OF JEWELRY #AND CONFESSED AT DIFFERENT TIMES THEY BOTH HAD CRUSHES ON EACH OTHER #AND FLIRTED IN AN AU EPISODE #AND HOPE WAS IMPLIED AS JOSIE'S BLINDSPOT #AND HOPE TRUSTED JOSIE WITH THE ONLY WEAPON THAT COULD KILL HER #AND THEY WERE BASICALLY IN A LOVE TRIANGLE WITH LANDON #IN SEASON 2 #AND ETHAN SAID HOPE YOU HAVE OTHER OPTIONS AND THEN THE NEXT PERSON HOPE SAW WAS JOSIE!!#AND WHEN IT COUNTED HOPE CHOSE JOSIE OVER LANDON #AND THEY IMPLIED A HOSIE KISS WAS TRUE LOVE'S KISS #BUT DIDN'T DO IT BECAUSE IT WOULDN'T BE CONSENSUAL #LIKE C'MON #THEY WERE REAL #THE Y WERE SOOOO REAL IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY #I WILL BE 85 AND STILL REMEMBERING HOW THEY SHOULD'VE BEEN ENDGAME #(they kind were open endgame though *winks*)#anyway yeah i miss hosie :/

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romanticizingmurder · 2 years

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Part of the reason dismissing people who cling to Jason's robin days doesn't sit right with me is that a draw for Jason for many people is that he was poor. DC writers since Winnick failing to address that doesn't change that! Jason being presented as genuinely struggling to survive as a child in Gotham, distrustful of social workers and cops and Batman himself, failed by every system - those things resonate with people. How Winnick writes him is often about revenge, yes, but his speech about knowing the city, his stunt with Mia - those are all about having grown up in poverty and seeing first hand how the heroes don't fix the city, either.

And before anyone tries it yes obviously systemic level change is needed but comics are never going to actually go down that road in more than passing so it's a moot point.

#jason todd #it's also why a lot of jokes abt him don't sit right with me either lmao #fandoms giant blindspot for classism is incredible

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nachosncheezies · 5 months

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when you settin up the new computer and all your software tries to tell you you've only got the trial version so you gotta turn back to 10 years of emails like

#i'm not gonna go so far as to say 'we so back' or anything that fate-testing #but i made this low-effort/low-quality gif just now in the scrunky versions of the relevant apps sooooo maybe. i will. return.#if i can find....my.......KEYS!!!#posts about nothing #all y'all blindspot fandom KNEW which episode i was gonna be testing shit on fr

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magic-and-maybess · 2 years

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Patterson is bisexual [with evidence]

Something absolutely nobody is talking about. Patterson is basically canonically bisexual.

I don't have a *ton* of evidence, but I feel that what I do have is fairly solid. Take all of this with a grain of salt.

Patterson says "I remember my first date. Took her forever to stop crying." in episode 2x07. [figure 1]

Now, after viewing the script we have found that the line was written as "him" [figure 2]. However, analyzing the clip and tracking Patterson's lips leads me to believe that she could not have said "me" or "him" as her lips don't connect on the correct syllables.

Additionally, Ashley and Audrey have gone on record in support of Zapatterson/Pattata [figure 3 and 4]

And finally the elephant in the room: the wedding! [figure 5]. Nothing about this is heterosexual and I choose to believe that this is confirmation that they were in love the whole time and Jane knew it.

Figures below the cut

[Figure 1]

[Figure 2]

[Figure 3]

[Figure 4]

[Figure 5]

Thank you to @lisshstuff for bringing the original clip to my attention, recording it for me, and fueling my 2am insanity.

#william patterson #tasha zapata #zapatterson #pattata #ashley johnson #audrey esparza #blindspot #bisexual patterson #i hope this reaches the 4 remaining people in this fandom #*gets off my soap box*#thank you and goodnight #patterson #how did i forget that tag #i'm very unprofessional sorry

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intoxicatingimmediacy · 1 year

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Rafael Casal Jokes About ‘Allegedly’ Joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Daveed Diggs Teases ‘Blindspotting’ Season 2 Themes

[...] “The thing we wanted to do when creating this show is try to tell the stories of people who have loved ones incarcerated, which is one of the things that people talk about often sets this show apart, but that is a common denominator for people in the U.S., right? The biggest prison population in the world, over two million incarcerated people, five million people infected by the carceral state, in general. Then you talk about all the family members connected to those people. It affects everybody in this country,” Diggs shared. “Trying to be honest about what it’s like to have a family member locked up is the guiding principle of the show. As long as we can do that, it allows us to be as funny and fun and flashy as we want to be. Because we know we’re honoring the real life experience of many, many people.”

[...] Casal is reportedly set to join the Marvel Cinematic Universe next in a major role for Season 2 of Disney+’s “Loki.” Though, he played it pretty coy on the carpet when asked about his part. “I’m allegedly joining, but if I were joining, I would be proud to wear that banner, working with those people would be a blessing — a fantastic experience, I would imagine. I heard from him,” he said, referring to Diggs at his side. “I don’t necessarily have first hand experience… Tom Hiddleston, I hear is a joy — just a dream to work with. Fantastic, from what I’ve heard.”

#you know the drill by now BLACKLIST if you're not into them we're barely getting started #rafael casal #daveed diggs #blindspotting #fandoms collide #love how they were friends with zawe before that link in the chain was forged

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starlit-mansion · 5 months

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corollary to the post i reblogged about actual porn having a million more examples of body diversity than hollywood, this is why i don't read smutty fanfic anymore. outside of queerness, it just replicates the diversity problems of mainstream media 98.5% of the time. don't get me wrong... i understand the subculture and all the stuff that goes into the hobby, and i know that there are people out there who put effort into it, but it's not really worth it to me

#i'm not at all mad about the years i spent discovering stuff in fanfic but there's a few huge blindspots in that respect #that are also just generally why i refuse to tie my identity into fandoms anymore anyway #why should i reconstitute the extruded results of corporate censorship and subconscious buy-in to beauty standards #and try to shape it into something meaningful when there's fresh clay and beautifully fired handmade pots elsewhere #by this i include indie stuff. there's no reason why so many actual play characters are thin in official art except anti-fat bias #no one was making them do that. it just never occurred to them that they could create fat characters that aren't stereotypes #and like... why spend time headcanoning and 'fixing' it in fanart just to have randoms tell you that the character isn't actually fat #(and also most of the time if there is energy for a character being fanon fat. it's because they 'eat a lot' in canon.)#(and if they're fanon chubby then they're a little bit older or bookish. but of course they aren't FAT then. just Dad Bod tm)

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nachosncheeze · 10 months

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im so happy that ive met someone else on here who ABSOLUTELY LOVVVEEESSS blindspot!!!

Hi hello I'm sorry it took me literal months to answer! I've had some health stuff going on, and am kinda on hiatus. Ooooooops D:

Our fandom is small but keen and I'm happy to see that we've hooked some new people in recent months! (Is it on some new streaming service or something? xD I know it was taken off some in several countries last month........ -_-)

I don't know if you're looking to find a lot of Blindspot blogs, but:

HEY GUYS! LOOK!

And welcome, @xioriae!

#hopefully this gets some likes that'll point you in the right direction for other folks who ABSOLUTELY LOVE blindspot xD #blindspot fandom

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idanit · 2 years

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Beyond Evil fic recs

I watched Beyond Evil, tripped, learned hangul, and inhaled most of the BE AO3 tag. These are some of the stories I enjoyed, paired with slightly edited excerpts from my private fic reading notes and/or my AO3 comments. Mind the summaries and the tags!

General and Teen

one good movie kiss Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik; Lee Dong Sik & Park Jung Je, Yoo Jae Yi, Lee Sang Yeob Wow, I love it? I'm into each and every section of this so far, they’re all good in different ways. (...) Unexpectedly, I really like the Jae Yi scene. I didn't know I needed to see her and Dongsik scrubbing the windows of her shop off insults. She was so in character, too. And I love Dongsik's POV in all of these. (...) I really loved seeing Dongsik struggle with voicing — no, realising — what he wants.

the way home Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Good dialogues. I can picture the scenes and their expressions. (...) This is slow and good and aching (...) It aches with the weight of the twenty years. (...) A recovery-after-hurt fic. (...) Loving someone middle-aged, having so much to learn about them. (...) I read this one in a daze. I hope there are other similarly good get-together fics that explore grief and trauma out there. (...) These characterisations were really good except for a few beats I disgreed with.

see the light is bright as ever Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Bedsharing in a guest house because of phone reception reasons. Gentle talk, tears, tension, anger, guilt, affection, all of it.

call you out on your contrarian shit Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Ohh, I liked this one. The voice is a bit restrained, in a good way. The characterisations are recognizable. Dongsik gets into his head that Joowon should date someone younger, but Joowon's mind is set. Melons are eaten at a lake house. Tea is drunk. A sleepy conversation is had.

rome wasn't built in one day. Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik This starts out really dark, wow. Dongsik's POV. It leans into their shared trauma as their bond, into what I would almost call codependence (...). I'm intrigued. (...) It's very tasty to see them so scared of losing the other that they won't talk about ANYTHING even as they start to live together. (...) This is so painful. They're insane, they're the worst. (...) There was something satisfying about this unnecessarily dark take on their get-together.

The Human Heart Is Hungry Still Han Ju Won&/Lee Dong Sik Very slice-of-lifey (...) It was such a slow, gentle story, and I enjoyed its subtle emotional threading a lot. (...) Joowon and Dongsik go to a hardware store together and I am happy about it. (...) It's pre-relationship and it lays the ground for it very well, in a very understated way, in charmingly small things, a touch here, a thought there. (...) And everyone else is here! (...) It was obvious that you gave a lot of thought to what would happen to everyone post-canon, and that you've done your research. Manyang felt like a real, lived-in town and everyone's lives and circumstances interconnected in really satisfying, believable ways.

still there inside my chest Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik One of these slow, soft, radiant get-together fics with (...) smooth, transparent writing. Joowon keeps coming to Manyang, they visit Dongsik's mother, there's the butcher shop (...), you know the drill.

grounding Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik The only one bed trope. I love that the case that stranded them in the storm-surrounded inn was something that reminded Dongsik of Minjeong and that this is what they kept thinking about and the reason Joowon tried to provide some comfort (handholding!). I like how annoyed they still find each other, I like that this is mid-canon.

Offering Han Ju Won&Lee Dong Sik Oh, an actually good fic? (...) Joowon collapses at the station, his bloody hands and all. Dongsik cleans them for him, then drives him to his apartment. It's still the Hurting Joowon genre, but it was good hurt/comfort, honestly. In character, competent writing. That's all I need — so little, but apparently so much.

if you say it with your hands Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Aching, aching! Good. I walked into it not expecting borderline sexual content, but I got the most beautiful scene of the sex Not Happening that I have in recent memory. Joowon lets go of his need to control bit by bit, but he's not there yet. All is good.

Family Jewels Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik, Han Ju Won & Lee Su Yeon There's something poetically satisfying in the idea of making Joo Won's mum be still alive in a canon where so many disappearances turned out to be deaths. A reversal. How will these people deal with it? (…) the writing is pretty good. In an understated sort of way. (...) good descriptions. (...) Radiant! Queer! Joy! (...) I like how Joowon and his mother meet as two people more than as mother and son. Healing. This author truly knows what they would need.

yours to keep Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Going shopping to a posh store together, Dongsik asking Juwon about his childhood, nice. (...) Yep, this section was very satisfying. (...) I kinda like the scene. It's... pulled out a bit. Quite matter-of-fact, very we-don't-talk-about-it. (...) Alright, I like this Dongsik voice. (...) The theme is loving/living in a "normal" way, which I enjoy.

i don’t know much about gentleness, but i will protect you from now on. Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik This was about Dongsik going to jail, then to Hokkaido, then back to Manyang, where he reopens Jinmook's store, all the while feeling like he's a ghost, or like he's being haunted by ghosts. Juwon moves in with him for two weeks, which I loved, obviously. Then he stays. (...) it had multiple scenes that brought me a lot of satisfaction.

Mature and Explicit

a safe place to go mad Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik What an emotionally excruciating setup. Making Han Joo Won kill a person in a car accident, her shins breaking? (...) This disassociated writing style doesn't feel overdramatic at all. This would, in fact, break Joo Won. (...) Dongsik is literally so perfect here. (...) I loved Joowon comparing himself to his mother and his father as he goes through different stages of traumatic response. This was so good! I love how you write them, I love how in character they are as they're put through trauma, disassociation, arguments and softness (...). It was great to see how Dongsik is a perfect match for a distraught Joowon, since he knows exactly how to take down his emotional outbursts and his half-baked logic, step by step. No one else could have done that for him. And the softness of the last chapter is a balm to the soul.

Resonant Frequency Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Ah, this is so good. (...) I believe in their established relationship here. It's easy to see them like that. (...) This is such good character work. Nuanced and in-depth; can we get more of this in fics. (...) some good imagery (...) This is a GOOD CASE wow (...) I'm actually invested, and it already pulled a few twists on me. (...) Juwon trying to be kind. The case from fourteen years ago, and how it resonated with Dongsik's history and Juwon's guilt. Dongsik under Juwon's skin, hurting so bad and so beautifully. There is a lot to love here. (...) I really enjoyed Chief Moon. I liked how deep you get into the characters, all the surprising little lines that feel extremely right (...) The two of them are so different (the contrast between their reactions to spending some time in a club was excellent), and yet they fit together so, so well.

Hook, Line, and Sinker Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik It's quite well-written. (...) I totally believe in a Juwon who, captured, feels mostly resigned. (...) This is really digging into Dongsik and how he would have reacted to yet another important person in his life going missing/dead. (...) I believe in Dongsik getting angry at Juwon who doesn’t seem to care about his own wellbeing, and this leading into a discussion of feelings. This fic really sold me on the „no more time” angle. (...) This is satisfying.

And Each and Every Time, for You Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik I like this one (...), it has good dialogue and they feel in character. (...) well-written, funny. (...) Absolutely pitch perfect Dongsik voice so far. (...) It feels so good to be in the hands of a decent storyteller again. I don't have to watch out for bad punctuation and clunky structure. I can just enjoy the ride. (...) The author can write shouty arguments too??? yessss (...) Perfect dialogue. (...) This sex scene was remarkably in character. The best erotic writing is when the characters don't turn into paper figurines, don't stop existing because the author wants to write a sex scene in that moment; it's when their personalities are amplified, not erased by the act (...), and we can see how they're themselves in this different context. I love to see it. (...) The way they talk, what they do, what, how and why they want, it's all gloriously them.

Splinters Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik, Min Jeung/Jae Yi/Ji Hun Why is this fic so perfect. It has literally done nothing wrong. (…) I love authors who really think about what they have at their hands and slot things together in unexpected, but inspired ways. This brought me so much joy! Your characterisations are absolutely spot-on. I instantly fell in love with this Min-jeong and her narrative voice, and then adored the dynamic she's had with everyone, particularly Ju-won and Jae-yi. You've made so many inspired little choices here, like having Min-jeong talk about her trauma with Ju-won, of all people (...). It was just a pleasure to read. (...) Your writing is very smooth, funny and poignant in turn. (...) Also, you just went and singlehandedly created the Min-jeong/Ji-hun/Jae-ji ship, which is quite out there, but, to my surprise, I was very into it.

Not Tomorrow Kang Min Jung & Lee Dong Sik This was a pretty good fic and the study of the relationship between Dongsik and Minjung that I wanted to read. (...) So eerie to watch Jinmook interact with Dongsik, way way before he knew. (...) I like seeing Dongsik helping bring her up like this. (...) It really hurts. Dongsik coming to her rescue again and again until the one time where she's really in danger and he’s not able to rescue her in time.

come home soon Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik I love this so far. Every sentence is doing something, the writing is quite tight, the tension is very much there. (...) This is like a gift to me, personally. (...) This is exactly what I wanted, show me how Manyang feels about the two of them! (...) great turns of phrase (...) The writing is so no-nonsense that I really have to pay attention to follow it, in a good way. (...) Smooth transitions between memories and the present time, that’s nice. (...) Wow, I want to read this all over again.

the world's great big injustice Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Yes, make the sex scenes all about these weirdos instead of writing boring cookie-cutter General Porn. (...) Oooh the Oh Ji Hwa's scene was very good. (...) Is all of this really in character? Honestly not sure. Perhaps not. But this author's writing is pulling me in so hard that I don't mind either way. It's close enough to a version of them I can imagine. It stands on its own. It's compelling. It's enough. (...) This is the kind of writing that likes to be reread. I read the remix first, but now I want to reread them both and then slot them together like puzzle pieces.

for what it's worth Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik This is a remix of the fic above. This was... interesting. There was something there. I liked how the story operated on the unspoken and the unacknowledged (...) I like how this is constructed, the thin threads of stubble - halves - halfhearted connection vs intent - silence and sound. (...) The back-and-forth transitions between the past and the present, quite smooth. (...) sex scenes full of characterisation and theme. (...) Is this all about Juwon's habits? His trauma? The hesitancy seems to come from several things. He disassociates a little, but unwillingly. (...) Ok, this really gained heft on a reread. I really liked how pulled out it is, restrained. It's very appropriate for this Juwon's POV.

r/tifu by being my student's gay awakening Han Ju Won/Kwon Hyuk Such a cracky premise (the title is Kwon Hyuk's POV), but I'm here for it. (...) This is fun so far; clear writing. (...) Why is this good? The characterisations are on point. (...) I really believe in this Hyuk. Climbing up the social ladder and angry when he's still being dismissed, glossed over, unwanted beyond what he can do for people. (...) Satisfying. (...) I do wonder how much Kwon Hyuk tells himself he wants that wife with two point five children just because that's what he's supposed to want. He's clearly not straight in this fic.

Exposure Therapy Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Oh wow, this was so good. A get-together fic, with looking for Bang Hoseok in the reed fields used as a binding/bonding activity/memory. Dongsik is exactly what I've been thinking of him being recently — a bit reluctant about his whole thing with Juwon, but not for the lack of feelings. They're both incredibly in character here. It's in the little gestures. (...) This author Pays Attention and Extrapolates Correctly. (...) I love this Dongsik, he really is himself here. And Juwon too. The way they talk to each other. (...) I didn't expect this to be so good from the start, but then it started to drop these pitch-perfect little elements time and time again — it's honestly impressive given that there really isn't much here. It's not a high-concept fic or anything, it's not constructed. It's quiet and it flows easily, and there isn't a lot that's happening, except emotionally. And it works so well.

#beyond evil #fanfic #fic rec #beyond evil fanfic #fanfiction #idanit reads #turns out i'm quite particular about what i want and don't want to read in this fandom so these are naturally geared towards me #my blindspot is WIPs because I filtered them all out #if there are some excellent WIPs out there feel free to rec them to me

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indelibleevidence · 1 year

Text

Broken Wings, chapter 3 (NSFW)

Author's Note: Also on FFN and AO3. If you're still here, thank you for being here! Honestly, it's still blowing my mind that there are people other than me who care about this AU. I really appreciate it. Since this fic is entirely self-indulgent, this chapter is inappropriately-timed, emotionally all-over-the-place smut. :D

“Kurt…”

Remi traced her fingers over his cheekbone, down to his jaw, searching his face intently, looking for any telltale traces of deception or hidden contempt. Any sign that she was wrong, that she was deluding herself again, that she was allowing herself to believe a pretty, romantic lie.

Unlike the night when Jane Doe had first met him, Remi recognised him—could read him like a book, even. He wasn’t trying to shut her out, even though she’d hurt him again by rejecting his words of love.

He loves Jane.

Remi ignored the traitorous thought, knowing it would return later, but discarding it anyway. She’d only make things worse if she voiced the fear to Kurt again, and more than anything, she wanted to repair some of the damage she’d done.

“I don’t know how to do this,” she confessed, forcing the words out before she lost her nerve. “Not without keeping a distance.”

Some of his pain receded, replaced by a warm affection that seemed to reach all the remotest, most frozen pieces of her soul. “I know. But that’s okay.”

She withdrew her hand, fighting the urge to withdraw emotionally, as well. Anger was an easy mask, and she couldn’t completely contain it. “Is it? It doesn’t feel okay, Kurt. Why do you keep letting me do this to you?”

He opened his mouth to respond, but her words just kept tumbling out, leaving him with no room to speak.

“I’m not getting any easier to be around. I’m too broken. At least Jane, she didn’t know the first thirty years of her life. I’m not saying things were easy for her—I know they weren’t, now—but she didn’t have my memories. She could be better. She could let the past go.”

“You are better. And you are easier to be around.” He smiled a little, no derision in his eyes. “You think you would have told me any of this, back in Venice?”

Disoriented by the shock that he was right, she fought to regain her emotional footing. “I just… I’m not…”

“You are. And you can try to push me away all you want. I’m still gonna love you, Remi.”

The certainty in his voice, in his gaze… The ember of hope caged in her chest glowed, throwing out sparks that could find fuel, if she’d only provide it.

“I…”

She couldn’t find the words. All she knew was that this conversation needed to stop, before she jumped into a future that wasn’t hers. The future Jane would have had, if not for the ZIP.

This doesn’t belong to you. You can’t have it.

It would be like getting into bed with muddy boots on. She’d spread filthy smears over what should have been perfect, and her stubborn, romantic fool of a husband would be left to deal with the mess, after she’d ruined it all and run away again.

Another thick, choking wave of self-hatred flowed up her throat, oily and toxic. She swallowed hard, weathering it with clenched fists and gritted teeth.

“Hey.”

She made herself open her eyes, and wished she hadn’t, because he saw too much, knew too much, and this was all too much—

And then he kissed her, hard but brief, drawing back before she even had time to process his lips against hers. It was an offer of distraction, of a time-out from the discussion, like a life preserver thrown into the stormy, churning depths of her mind.

Hold on to me.

Remi hated that she needed this refuge from such an important conversation—but she did need it, the familiar physicality, and an outlet for her pent-up tension. Here, she knew what was expected of her. Here, she could be in control.

With a growl of frustrated anguish, she kissed him, pouring all of her caged emotions into it, heated and furious and desperate. It only took a split second for her urgency to ignite his, and he took a step back, pulling her in the direction of the bedroom without breaking the kiss.

She followed him as if magnetised, shoving him back against the wall as his grip on her loosened. His breath jolted out of him and into their kiss, but she couldn’t bring herself to soften her approach, still too conflicted and defensive to let down her guard.

Kurt grabbed her ass and pulled her more firmly against him, letting the wall support them as he let her feel how much he wanted her. She ground against his cock, then unbuckled his belt, unzipped his pants, took his hot, hard length in her hand.

“Remi…” He swallowed hard as she stroked him, slow but firm, controlling him with so little effort.

You could have had everything you wanted, and you poured it all down the drain to stick with this hot mess of a relationship. You screwed everything up. Damn you and your fucking declarations of love.

Something in her facial expression must have antagonised him, because he breathlessly shoved her against the opposite wall of the hallway, pinning her in place. She had just long enough to register the frustration and pain in his expression, before his lips were on hers. Every kiss was a fuck you, received and returned with mounting vehemence as he shoved her jeans and underwear down her thighs.

Fuck you for scaring me like that.

Fuck you for bringing your stupid heart into this.

Fuck you for trying to run away.

Fuck you for not letting me.

Fuck you, fuck you, you, you, oh, you—

And then he tore away from the kiss, leaving her gasping as he knelt and pressed his lips to her clit.

“Fuck!”

She had nowhere to hide from his gaze as he pleasured her, so she closed her eyes and tried to disappear into desire. To leave the self-disgust and fragile hopes behind. To love nobody and nothing but the sensations leading up to orgasm.

He curved his fingers just right, and her knees almost buckled. “Ah—there!”

With her eyes closed, struggling to remain upright in the wake of her climax, she couldn’t see his usual warm satisfaction that he’d managed to please her—but neither could she see anything else that might remind her of their current predicament. She kept her eyes closed as he got to his feet, and floated on the afterglow while he lifted her and carried her to the bedroom.

His hard-on pressed against her as she slid down his body and back onto her feet, and despite her recent climax, her need flared again. Opening her eyes only to get a sense of what piece of clothing would be easiest to remove first, she avoided looking into his face.

As soon as their attire was no longer a barrier, he followed her down onto the bed. She took hold of his rock-hard shaft and resumed the stoking she’d begun before he’d gone down on her, her pulse skipping at his soft grunt of appreciation.

“God, Remi, I want you.” He pulled her on top of him, his hard-on pressing against her clit as he drew her down into a surprisingly soft kiss.

You have me.

Where was their borderline hostility from before? It was safer than this tenderness, but she wanted this now, as though he’d sucked all the anger from her, leaving her defenceless.

She sat up to search for that same anger within him, but saw only concern, desire…and the love she’d never imagined he’d feel for her.

And somehow, he knows I love him too. I don’t deserve him, but now that I have him… Fuck.

She couldn’t tell him she loved him, even though she’d said it hundreds of times before, in those months before he’d realised she wasn’t Jane anymore. It hadn’t been true, back then. Just meaningless words, all part of the con.

Now he knew who she really was, and that changed everything. It was completely illogical, but she just couldn’t make herself say the words. Her mental state was already too fragile for her to make herself more vulnerable, even though he already knew the truth.

But maybe she could show him how she felt, without saying anything.

Before that thought could fully take root in her mind, Kurt nudged her hips up, positioning his cock at the perfect angle for her to take him deep into her.

Remi craved it with everything in her, but she held her position, gazing down into his face.

“Say it again,” she ordered, her voice hesitant, betraying the emotional battle within her.

Kurt sat up, his face close to hers as she knelt over his hard-on, refusing to let him inside for now. He cupped her face in his hand, seeking her reluctant gaze. “I love you, Remi Briggs.”

She trembled a little, closing her eyes against the intensity of his expression. Slowly, she lowered herself onto him, letting him inside her, physically and emotionally. He gave a soft rumble of pleasure and brushed his lips over her jaw, seeking a kiss she was almost afraid to give him.

When he was as far inside her as he was able to get, she took a deep, shaky breath, trying to convince herself Kurt didn’t know what was happening. He wrapped both arms around her and nuzzled her neck, leaving a trail of softly provocative kisses over the tattooed skin, but not assuming command of the moment.

Summoning her courage, she leaned back just enough to kiss him, ignoring the anxiety that whispered for her to just leave him here, to run, to armour herself against his feelings for her, and against hers for him. She kept it slow, gentle, edging into teasing as his tongue sought hers.

He’d kissed her like this before, and she’d allowed it, but never initiated anything like it in return—until now. The significance wouldn’t be lost on him, and that fact both elated and terrified her.

Enough, already. Just push him down and ride him until he forgets all about this.

Remi ignored the fearful urge, allowing a little more urgency into the kiss now, while keeping it much less demanding than her usual kisses. Pouring all the love she felt into it, she stroked his face, cupped the side of his neck, ran her fingers down over his chest. Found the scar she’d left over his heart—a barely noticeable, blade-thin sliver of skin, where hair would never again grow.

Because of me.

Kurt pressed her hand down more firmly, letting her feel his strong, rapid heartbeat. Though their mouths were busy, she could divine his sentiment as clearly as if he’d spoken it. My heart is yours.

All she had to do was transfer their hands to her own chest, let him feel the way her heart pounded for him, symbolically tell him how she felt without using words. But she couldn’t make herself do it. It would have been too clear a declaration, out of the realm of plausible deniability. She wasn’t ready for that.

Carefully, she pulled back from the kiss, resting her forehead against his, but not daring to open her eyes. Usually he’d have said or done something to help move things along, but right now he was silent and still, leaving the next step completely up to her, though his breath trembled a little.

Damn him…

“Kurt,” she murmured, needing him, loving him, yet terrified to show it.

“Do you believe me? When I say I love all of you?” he asked softly.

Remi opened her eyes, to find him watching her with an expression so complicated, she couldn’t even begin to unravel what he was thinking.

If I can’t admit that I love him, I can at least be honest here.

“I want to,” she confessed, ignoring how exposed the admission made her feel. Trusting that he wouldn’t see the newly revealed weakness and use it against her. At least that, she could believe.

“That’s a start,” he said, relaxing just a little.

Retreating from the moment, Remi began to ride him slowly, savouring every inch of him as she moved. She’d never let herself do this with Kurt before, no matter how much she’d wanted to at times—to just enjoy the closeness and pleasure without turning it into a battle of wills.

He seemed mesmerised by her movements, gently skimming his hands over her skin without influencing her rhythm or distracting her. When his gaze caught hers, the depth of the love in them made her catch her breath, and she leaned down to kiss him again, needing a respite from her own confused, longing, complicated thoughts.

“Yes,” she whispered against his lips, as he reached down between them to her clit. His touch was so gentle, as loving as everything else about this moment. “Yes, Kurt.”

Yes, I love you. Keep kissing me like you love me too.

He rolled them over, bracing himself over her as he broke the kiss. “You once asked me to fuck you like I hated you,” he reminded her, nuzzling her neck. “But I couldn’t. I didn’t love you yet, not back then. But I still couldn’t even pretend that I hated you.”

Remi bit her lip, knowing exactly where he was going with this. Wishing like hell that she could say the words before he did. Fuck me like you love me, Kurt.

“I remember,” she said instead, trailing her fingertips down his spine.

“Good.��

He began to take her, fluid, steady, but as gently as she’d been riding him, leaving light, breathless kisses over her neck. She gave a soft, appreciative moan and writhed against him, falling into his rhythm. Everywhere their skin brushed made her tingle.

“Fuck,” she whispered, his cock hitting the perfect spot within her with each deliberate thrust. On any other day, she’d be irritated that he was drawing things out, but right now, she just wanted to feel him move against her. To be with him, because he was in love with her.

She was turning into a melting, romance-novel cliché, and later she’d be ashamed of her sappiness. But right now, she needed this. It was something she remembered Jane having, but she’d never thought she’d experience it as herself.

“I love you,” he murmured again, his breath hot against her ear.

“You shouldn’t.” Remi drew him in with both hands on his ass, spreading her legs wider and tilting up to take him as deep as possible. She held him there, unwilling to let him get even a fraction of an inch further away, contradicting her words with her actions.

“Remi…” His body was taut with the need to move, to take pleasure and to give it, but he remained still because she wanted it. She savoured his restraint, the weight of his body over hers, his unsteady breaths.

She controlled everything about this moment, and his frustration was palpable, but he waited, willing to give her all the time she needed.

Something told her he always would, no matter how far she ran from the truth.

I love you, Kurt.

Again, the words stuck in her throat, and she released her grip on his ass, swallowing hard.

He didn’t move, though she was no longer holding him in place. “What do you need?”

“Make me say it.” She didn’t realise what she’d said until after the words had left her lips, and now it was too late. Mortified, she tried to think of a way back out of her request, but found none.

He lifted his head, and she kissed him before he could try to get a read on her mood. He went along with the distraction—though she was pretty sure he wasn’t fooled—and flipped them over again, as though offering her even more control over him.

Control she no longer wanted. She needed to be under duress, wanted him to tease and torment her until she’d say anything, if he’d just get her off. That way, she could claim it wasn’t real, that she’d just told him what he wanted to hear.

You’re a coward, Briggs.

She ripped herself away from his kiss, leaving them both gasping, disoriented, and began to ride him again, steadily enough that her heart pounded with the anticipation of another orgasm.

“I’ll wait,” he told her, his voice rough with need. “Until you trust me enough to say it.”

She stared at him, her body moving of its own accord as her mind scrambled to fit the pieces together.

“You still think I don’t trust you?”

“Isn’t that what this is about?” He slowed her, taking hold of her hips and pressing her as far onto his cock as she could get. “Why you can’t say it back?”

The slight glimmer of hurt in his expression made her heart ache, and the admission began to spill from her before she could stop it. “It’s not you I don’t—”

What are you doing? He can’t know how weak you are. No one can know.

Some lessons were just too deeply ingrained for her to block out, and this was one of them. Some secrets had to be kept. Self-doubt was too easy to exploit. Even though he never would—but did she really know that, or did she just hope?

Oh, god, he’s staring at me like he—no, too much—I have to go.

“Forget it,” she muttered, trying to get up, despite the sweet ache of unfulfilled desire still eating her up inside.

He held onto her for long enough to speak her name, frustration and love in the word, but then released her hips, as though sensing she’d fight him to get away if she could. Only that allowed her to remain, with his cock still barely inside her, shuddering with need and vulnerability alike. No one had ever seen this deep into her soul.

She never would have let them.

She should never have let things get this far—

“Just breathe,” Kurt murmured, and she recalled how he’d calmed her when she’d first remembered the orphanage, back when she’d been Jane.

She wasn’t panicking, not the way she had been that day, but she followed his instruction anyway, hoping her anxiety would fade. Hesitantly, she lowered herself back down to sit on his thighs, resting her palm over his pounding heart.

“Need to stop?”

A few moments ago, that had been all she’d wanted. But as he gazed into her face, all concern but no pity, she knew her fears and doubts were unfounded. He didn’t see her as weak, or as less than Jane. She remembered her past now, and he’d looked at Jane just like this.

But he knew she wasn’t Jane. He knew what she needed, knew where her comfort zones ended, and he was being so careful. It was more than she deserved.

“No.” All she had to do was take the leap, to tell him how fiercely she loved him. But even now, something held her back, and all of a sudden, she was fighting another surge of angry self-recrimination that came out of nowhere.

But if her life had taught her anything, it was how to use what she had to work with, and so she took a breath and chose a different kind of honesty.

“I’ll get there,” she vowed, unsure whether she was making the promise to him, or herself. Hoping he didn’t think the tinge of anger in her voice was aimed at him.

He smiled, the warmth of his affection giving her stupid, girly butterflies. “Not going anywhere.”

“Good. Because we’re not done.”

Kurt sat up to kiss her, his lips firmly distracting her away from any lingering urge to flee. Remi shivered as he cupped her ass in his hands, sliding her up his cock. She took the hint, beginning to take him again, and he trailed his lips down the side of her neck, gathering her closer.

Arching her back to rub her nipples against his chest, she sought pleasure with a single-mindedness that made everything else fall away. Hopes, fears, doubts…none of it mattered right now. The painful past and uncertain future no longer existed—just two people, loving and needing each other intensely, even if one of them was unable to say the words.

She came with a cry like broken glass, and then she was tumbling backwards, disoriented by pleasure and gravity alike, her back hitting the mattress as his cock sank deeper. Kurt pinned her down for a delicious instant before he was in motion again. He took her with powerful thrusts, her name on his lips and his palm over her clit.

This time, she gasped a curse, digging her nails into his ass, pleading without words for him to move faster, harder. The pleasure of her release had barely faded before she was coming again, every fibre of her being resonating with the deep satisfaction of knowing Kurt was close to finding his own relief.

He growled against her neck as he came, the tension between them fading to sated relaxation. Kurt lifted his head and gave Remi a tender kiss, then rolled over, gathering her close. She listened to his heartbeat, still rapid, but gradually calming, while he swept his thumb in lazy arcs over the scarred tattoo of his name on her back.

“Love you, Remi,” he murmured, and she sensed no expectation from him of a response.

Maybe she was inviting disaster into their calm contentment, but she couldn’t stay silent.

“You really want to do this?” she asked, without lifting her head from his chest.

“I think we’re already doing it.” There was a smile in his voice—subtle, but definite.

Remi rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah. And you know what I mean.” He kissed the top of her head. “We feel what we feel. And we already decided back in Venice that we don’t want to be without each other.”

He was twisting it a little, but she had to admit, it still fit—even if it hadn’t been that kind of ‘don’t want to be without each other’ at the time.

“I don’t think we should have this conversation naked,” she told him.

“Why not? We already tried it clothed. At least this way, if we need to take another…break, we don’t have to rip each other’s clothes off.”

Remi snorted, amused despite herself. “Got it all worked out, huh?”

“Not everything. But we can work on the rest.”

#broken wings #damaged goods #blindspot #blindspot fanfic #reller #canon divergence #sorry staff i'm not using your stupid 'mature' filter that means the post doesn't show up in the fandom tag

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