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banannabethchase · 5 months

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I'm Only Human (You Are Something Magic) - also on AO3

Brandon gets hit with the magic belonging to Julia and Brody, and has a mostly horrible day about it. Only mostly.

Bingo square I2 complete, and my fourth bingo on my board! I only have 6 more squares before Black Out. Wahoo! Title, as with all of the series, from Moonlight Magic by Ashnikko.

Brandon was just trying to find the EVP locker room.

The entire venue’s labels for the locker rooms had been scrambled around, due to some bullshit probably caused by Caster or Chuck or, god, Silver. He’d already walked in on Willow and Skye arguing, and on Garcia and Yuta doing something similar but involving their dicks out.

He didn’t need to crash into the House of Black’s locker room and get slapped in the face with something that made him feel both neon and strangled at the same time.

“Guys,” he says, forcing the words out through some strange, foamy version of air. “Something’s wrong.”

“Of course something’s wrong!” Julia snaps. “You’re in our locker room.”

He can see her – her eye. It’s not black. It’s every color he’s ever seen in the universe and then some he can’t name, but mostly green. God, so much green. He thinks he can see the entire galaxy’s plan there, but he doesn’t know how to read its language. “I – I can see in your eye,” he mumbles. “The Elite are in locker room 116, aren’t they.”

“By the gods,” Malakai mutters.

Brandon turns to him, only to see Malakai’s entire body lit up with the same exuberant color combination as Julia’s eye. “Why are you not all in black?” he asks, frowning. “You – what – your skin is…Teal? Blue?” He blinks and shakes his head. “What the eff is going on here?”

“If there was ever a moment that earned a curse word, this would be it,” Brody says. His colors are centered around his hands, fingertips wrapped in pastel pinks and blues that manage to shoot into the room. “You took our magic.”

“I – what?!” He looks between the three of them, suddenly inundated with the sheer knowledge. “I took your – not on purpose!” He looks down at his hands, and he glows yellow and blue, the same color as his gear. “Aw, man! I don’t even like those colors together!”

“They suit you,” Julia says. “Thief.”

“I’m not a thief if it wasn’t on purpose,” Brandon groans. “I didn’t – help!”

Malakai frowns. “We – I will. But they,” he nods over to Julia and Brody, “are all but powerless at the moment. I’ll need to do some digging. Explore the texts.” He sighs. “I’ve never had the magic go rogue before.”

Brandon’s first thought is to ask what texts, but then the answer presents to him as if conjured from the air. “I didn’t – you guys have actual powers?” He stares. “How is that possible?”

“There are powers beyond the science you mortals are taught in schools.”

Brandon blinks at him. “Mortals,” he repeats. “What the hell, is this Percy Jackson or something?”

“Please,” Julia says, folding her arms across her chest, managing to look menacing even when pocket sized and glowing a soft mint green. “Malakai’s been gifted eternal life for the work he’s been doing to maintain the balance of energy in the universe.” She pouts. “And he was sharing it with us, but then he took our magic away.”

He turns to Julia. “Yes, because you began messing with people’s love lives without asking.”

Julia rolls her green eyes. “Kris and Willow weren’t complaining this morning.”

“Actually, they were,” Malakai snaps. Brandon watches as Julia’s eyes widen.

Julia shrinks back. “Oh,” she says, fiddling with her fingers. “It was last night, anyway, and it’s over. So you can’t be too mad.” She shrugs and taps her sharp fingernails against each other. “Really, Malakai, you can’t think that we’ve only done this twice.”

Malakai sighs, a tone Brandon recognizes from whenever Hangman is dealing with Matt’s particularly chaotic moments. “Okay,” Malakai says. He looks dangerous, colors deeper and more jewel toned as he locks eyes on Brandon. “You tell no one about this. You may have the power of two, but I hold the power of all.” He moves his hand to prove it, and the strike of color is enough to make Brandon understand the potency of his magic. He knows what Malakai can do to him. He knows what Julia and Brody could do, before he’d absorbed their powers.

“Wait,” Brandon says. “What can I do?” He looks down at his hands, swirling color and power. “Can I make things appear by thinking about them?” Into his hands pop a can of Diet Coke. “Oh. I can.”

“No,” Malakai says. “Don’t you dare do so on purpose. You be careful what you say. You never know what the universe will interpret as a command.” He stares at Brandon, telling him so much with a look that Brandon can’t quite figure out. “You don’t know how to use this skill. For you, it’d be akin to trying to lift Paul Wight.”

Brandon rolls his eyes. “Sure. Tell me, a brand new magic using person, that my power can be misunderstood from the universe.” He leans against the door. “That’s a kick in the pants.”

Brody yelps and jumps. “What the hell, man?”

Brandon’s eyes widen. “What?”

“You made the – I got kicked,” Brody says, frowning. “Watch the metaphors, you idiot.”

“I – I’m sorry,” he says. “I swear, I’ll do better. I’ll be careful.” He wants to prove it. “Um. I hope you feel better.” He puts some sort of intent into it, stares at Brody.

“The fuck is he doing?” Brody asks, and he turns to Malakai, looking baffled. “Malakai, what the fuck is the stooge doing?”

“Don’t be mean about it,” Brandon grumbles. “I’m trying to, like, unkick your pants.”

Brody stares at him so intently Brandon thinks he’s about to get murdered, then he exhales. “Jesus Christ.” Brody drops on the chair and grabs Julia’s hand, pulling her in his lap.

At least that’s confirmation Brandon was right about something. He’d suspected.

“Go out and – and pretend you’re normal,” Malakai said, sounding exasperated. “And watch yourself with what you say. You could cause a problem.”

Brandon opens his mouth, but thinks better of it. “Okay,” he says. He steps backward out of the House of Black’s locker room. “You have my number, right?”

“No,” Malakai says. “But I don’t need it. You’re leaving a massive trail of magic behind you. I’ll easily find you.”

Brandon tries not to react at the disgusted expression on Julia’s face, and walks out of there, frustrated. He almost slams into MJF as he walks down the hallway.

MJF looks him up and down. “The hell is wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” Brandon snaps. “I’m fine. Go talk to Tony or something.” It takes a second for him to understand the reason for MJF’s newly blank stare and sudden change of direction. “Only if you need to!” he calls.

MJF throws a bewildered but still pretty pissy expression over his shoulder, but Brandon exhales. If he ignores people, he’ll be okay.

He cannot ignore people. Matt insists on a BTE bit where Brandon accidentally turns one of the Iron Savages’ hair blue, Tony involves him in a media interview where he stays quiet until he figures out how to answer questions with yes or no weird answers without a single metaphor, and he runs into Buddy Matthews, who stomps away and glares at him. Which, while not unexpected, was kind of a cherry on top of a bad day. When he finally gets to the gym, he puts on his headphones and tries to block it all out. Pushing his body to the limit, an ache in his legs and arms, helps quell the anxiety. A little bit.

He’s about to leave when he sees that Mox has made his way into the gym and was on the rower. He sighs.

U want me to talk 2 Mox for u?

Matt texts back in the group chat almost immediately. omg yes please I owe you my life

Brand squeezes his eyes shut. He can do this. He can talk to a human today and not accidentally magic them into dying or something. Just like every other day of his life.

“Mox!” Brandon says, jogging over. “Hey. Bucks wanted to ask you a question about that mentorship program that you were brainstorming, but they haven’t caught you. Wanted to know what you thought.”

Mox pauses mid row. “Oh, for the wrestlers under 23?” he asks. “Yeah. I figured we’d create an application process or something with basic personality details, style of wrestling, whatever, then match mentors to mentees.” He begins rowing again, faster than before. “Make sure none of the young kids fall through the cracks, you know?”

Brandon stays there as Mox gives him details, typing furiously on his phone. They talk for long enough that Mox’s timer on the rowing machine beeps and he leaps up, shrugging off his hoodie. Brandon might have his eyes on a certain Dark Order member, but he’s the first to admit that Mox has been looking great lately.

“I’m shit at technology, so I figure you and a Buck or whatever can figure out how to make the form.” He mops his sweaty forehead with his hoodie and Brandon thinks he does a great job of pretending this is normal.

“I appreciate you, Mox,” Brandon says, clapping him on the shoulder. “You always go the extra mile.”

Mox frowns. “I – I’ll be right back.”

Brandon watches as Mox begins to circle the small indoor track, looking befuddled, before he realizes what he’s done. “Wait!” he yells. “Don’t – do run more than your usual workout expects you to!”

Immediately, Mox slows to a walk on the other side of the track, expression displeased. “The fuck was that?” he mutters. “I never run.” He shakes out his body, looking baffled. “Whatever. CC me or whatever on the email you send to the Bucks, okay?”

Brandon nods and tries to choose his words carefully. “I hope your workout is good! I’ll see you later.”

Mox nods and bounces on his toes. “I think I’m gonna hit the weights again.” He rolls his shoulders, shooting a grin at Brandon. “I’m feeling jacked today, you know?”

Brandon sighs as he walks away. He still can’t figure out what the universe takes as a command and what it ignores as he makes his way around the venue, checking in with people and trying to gauge which phrases can be taken the wrong way. He worries, briefly, that he turns Orange Cassidy into a literal orange when all he did was say hello, but the orange gleam in his eye was fleeting and disappeared before Brandon could blink. He considers it a non-issue and makes the choice not to think about it anymore.

“Brandon!”

He whirls around and sees Alex Reynolds’ head popping out of a locker room. “Hey.”

Brandon feels his entire body flush with warmth. “Hi,” he says, and he really doesn’t want to do this right now, not when he could ruin anything with a bad idiom or a pun. “Hi, Alex.”

Alex wiggles his eyebrows. “Got the locker room to myself,” he says. “Wanna come hang out?”

Brandon knows what that means. And he’s not able to resist. He looks behind him to make sure nobody’s watching, then skips down the hallway and slides into the locker room.

Alex looks like a dream, his hair resting down his shoulders and beard looking irresistible. “Hey.” Brandon says. “How – how are you?”

“Really?” Alex asks, stepping toward Brandon. Brandon leans against the door to close it, widening his stance so Alex can step between his legs. “How are you? That’s how you’re gonna start this?”

“I think you started it when you invited me in here,” Brandon says. He kisses Alex slowly, taking his time. “Hi,” he murmurs against Alex’s lips. “Missed you.”

“Missed you, too,” Alex replies. He pulls back and kisses Brandon’s nose. “How have things been?”

Brandon opens his mouth, then snaps it shut. “Um. Really strange,” he decides to land on. “Like, super weird.” He thinks about how he could explain things to Alex without something going horribly wrong. “I ran into the House of Black.”

Alex’s eyes widen. “Oh, shit.”

“Yeah,” Brandon says. He double checks that the door is locked. He doesn’t know why he’s willing to tell Alex, to drag him into it. But he does think his chance at a blow job is lower if he says the wrong thing and turns Alex into a llama or something. “Watch what happens when I say this: Your hair makes you look like a shampoo model.”

For a second, Alex frowns, looking confused. “What am I supposed to be watching?”

Brandon frowns. “Um. Something should have happened.” He tilts his head to the side. “Wait, shake your head a little or something.”

Alex shakes, and there it is. His hair cascades in perfect, shiny locks around him in slow motion, the look on his face a content, pretty smile.

“That’s what I mean,” Brandon says. “Here, move in front of the mirror.” Alex goes easily as Brandon leads him to the bathroom. “Now shake your head again. Just like you did, but keep your eyes open this time.”

Alex does as Brandon suggests, and his eyes widen. “My hair moves in slow motion,” he says, almost muttering to himself. “What the hell, Brandon?”

“It was – I don’t know what happened, I swear, but the House of Black has some wild powers and they got, uh, into me.”

Alex raises an eyebrow. “They put their magic into you? Is this a weird way to say you’re fucking somebody else?”

“No!” Brandon says. “No, not – that is not what I mean. They literally put their weird magic into me by accident so now I can do…” He pauses. “Stuff. I don’t know how it works. Malakai’s trying to get the power out of me, though.”

Alex raises an eyebrow. “But you’re still, like, in your own mind, right?”

“Yes,” Brandon says, and he can’t resist a smile.

“Get over here.”

Alex yanks him in and kisses him and shoves him back against the door. When he drops to his knees, Brandon’s pretty sure he sees God, and she’s giving him a thumbs up.

He tangles his fingers in Alex’s perfect hair, revels in the warmth of Alex’s perfect mouth, and slides his fingers into Alex’s when he comes.

“Damn,” Brandon pants, trying to find his legs underneath him as he comes down from it. “Get on the couch or something, I have to do you next.”

Alex stands, grinning. “Yeah?” He shakes his head and he goes in slow motion again, his frown appearing at the same pace. “Any way you can make that stop happening?”

“Oh!” Brandon says. “Yeah, probably. Um. You have your normal hair without any magic in it.” Alex shakes his head and goes back to normal. “That should be good.”

“Can you use that magic to give me, like, a giant dick or something?” Alex asks, flopping onto the couch with his legs splayed. “That could be fun.”

Brandon’s face turns hot. “It could…” He shakes his head rapidly. “No. Not gonna risk that. I don’t know how these powers work. I could – I could make a mistake and hurt you.” He doesn’t explain, out loud, that he’s worried he’d make Alex’s dick a giant snake or inflame his bladder or something. “Take your pants off.”

Alex does so and Brandon doesn’t hesitate to dive in. They’ve been doing this long enough that he’s pretty much figured out what to do, but it’s still fun. It still feels fresh and new and exciting, and he’s wondering if and when that will change.

He swallows Alex down with a grin and pulls off, wiping his mouth on Alex’s pants.

“Hey!”

“You’ll live,” Brandon says. He pulls himself up on the couch next to Alex as he adjusts his pants. Alex pulls out his phone and they scroll through twitter together until Brandon gets a text.

“Oh, damn it,” Brandon sighs. “I have to go meet up with the Bucks and everybody for early dinner before production meetings.”

Alex leans in and kisses him softly. “We’ll talk later,” he promises. “And, uh. Good luck on that magic thing. Hope you figure that out.”

Brandon smiles at him. “Thanks.” He turns to the door and leaves, but glances over his shoulder one more time to see Alex watching him leave.

He’s floating a little bit as he walks to the café, but he loses his bliss when he sees Nick looking annoyed at his table.

“Oh, thank god,” Nick laughs, a little panicked. “They’re being – weird again.”

“We are not!” Matt argues. “I’m just hungry, and somebody was late.” He glares at Brandon.

“I have a life, you know.” He drops into his seat. “You all could have eaten without me.”

“We couldn’t have,” Matt says. “You’re our friend. We’re waiting for you.”

He exhales, trying to pretend Matt isn’t infuriating. “Okay. Fine. Let’s just – let’s get our food.” Nick shoves a ticket in his hand and Brandon looks down at the meal card. “Not even writing my last name on here anymore? Really cutting corners, Nick.”

Nick frowns and falls off the bench, clipping the edge of his arm on the table as he goes down. When he pops back up, he’s got a slice on his arm seeping bright red blood. “What the eff?” he mutters, staring at his arm. “That corner feels like it came out of nowhere.”

Brandon pauses. “Damn it.”

“Damn what?” Nick asks, grabbing a paper towel to mop himself up. He drops down onto the bench next to Matt again, eyeing the table suspiciously.

“I – nothing,” Brandon says. “It’s fine.” He scans his brain, trying to figure out how to turn off whatever curse he put on Nick.

“It isn’t fine, clearly,” Matt says, looking Brandon up and down. “You’re all twitchy. Why are you so twitchy?”

Brandon shakes his head. “Nothing. I’m getting food.” He stands up and intentionally doesn’t talk to anybody in line as he gets his food, and settles for a smile to the cashier.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Nick asks. He moves, and hits his arm on the corner of the table. “What the eff is wrong with me today?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Brandon tries, and Nick’s expression shifts for a second, then goes neutral. Brandon hopes he didn’t do something drastic, but he’s beginning to get exhausted with all of this.

Matt starts talking a mile a minute at the table about the new outfit he wants to try out for the upcoming pay per view pre-show. Brandon’s not even paying attention when he grins at Matt. “Yeah, yeah, we all know you want to be Barbie or whatever,” Brandon says, rolling his eyes. And then he realizes. “Oh, no.”

Matt freezes, a painted smile on his face, but his eyes can still move. In a panic, he looks at Hangman.

“Matt?” Hangman asks. “Matt, can you hear me?”

“You don’t want to be a Barbie!” Brandon says, insistently. “You’re just Matt.”

“Just Matt?” Hangman asks. “Is this a reference to that song from the movie? I never got around to seeing it.” He turns back to Matt, resting his hand on his face. “Matt? Come on. Talk to me.”

Matt, to Brandon’s relief, snaps back into himself. “What the fuck was that?!” he shrieks. “I – everything froze for a second in my body. I got all stiff.” Hangman snickers. “Not like that!” He looks at Brandon. “And it happened after you said that Barbie thing.” He narrows his eyes. “You’ve been weird all day, Brandon. What’s going on?”

Brandon looks frantically around, then shoves a handful of French fries into his mouth.

Hangman narrows his eyes. “What the fuck did you do, Brandon?”

“I can’t tell you,” Brandon mutters. He glances over at Nick, who’s been observing the situation quietly. “I promised.”

Nick narrows his eyes. “Dude,” he says, carefully. “Does this, uh. Have you had any weird interactions with the House of Black lately?”

Brandon shoves another handful of French fries into face.

“Stop eating the goddamned fries!” Hangman says. He grabs the plate.

Before he can stop himself, Brandon swallows and yells, “Get your filthy tentacles off of my food!” He slaps Adam’s hand away. Then he pauses. “Oh, no.”

“What?” Hangman asks. And then, in front of their eyes, the fingers on Adam’s hand turn into slimy, purple-grey tentacles.

Hangman looks at Brandon, looking horrified. “What the fuck did you do to me, Brandon?” he asks in a deadly voice.

“I don’t know!” Brandon says. “I – we need to…” He looks around frantically. “I can fix this. I swear.” He scampers off. “I gotta talk to Malakai.”

“And I am a Barbie!” Matt yells after him. “Not literal- I mean in the sense of the song! Brandon! Get back here!”

As he turns the corner, he hears Nick say, “Guys, I think he got magicked.”

Matt’s huff is audible halfway down the hallway. “Of effing course he did!”

Brandon shoves open the door to the House of Black’s locker room. “Fix it right now!” he yells. “Fix it all. Right now!”

Malakai’s head snaps up. His eyes are black pools, liquid and moving. There are no whites. “You interrupt me,” he says, voice dark and menacing. “Who are you?”

“Brandon Cutler, the stooge you made become magic or whatever!” Brandon shrieks. He’s a little hysterical at this point. “I just made my friend’s hands turn into tentacles and I can’t effing take it anymore! Get the magic out of me!”

It’s only then that he realizes Malakai’s eyes are emitting light despite the dark pools. When he turns them on Brandon, he feels struck by lightning. “You do not wish to possess this gift?”

“Gift?!” Brandon yells. “Malakai, man, this was an accident and I hate it. Turn me back to a normal person. The way normal people have no magic!”

“Malakai,” says the thing Brandon has now realizes is inhabiting Malakai’s body. “Yes. I know of that soul. He is being dealt with.” Brandon doesn’t even want to know what that means. “You wish you be free of your gift?”

“Yes,” Brandon says. “No magic, like humans have no magic.”

“Oh, darling mortal,” the monster chuckles, raising his hand. There’s a vortex of static there. It makes Brandon’s mind burn. “All humans have magic.”

Suddenly Brandon’s body feels stripped of it’s power. He blinks and realizes he’s being lowered gently to the ground.

“How did I get up there?” Brandon asks, feeling a relieving lack of galactic power in his body. “When did I get up there?”

“About two hours ago,” Malakai says, casually flipping through a book on the couch. It’s the generally creepy, not-teal version of his coworker. “You should be feeling normal now.”

Brandon nods. “Um. Before – before you took my magic, did you undo what I’d done?”

Malakai frowns. “Undo what?”

Brandon can’t meet his eyes. “I accidentally turned Adam Page’s hand into tentacles.”

Malakai sighs so deeply and for so long that Brandon begins to worry he’s going to run out of oxygen. “Brandon,” Malakai sighs. “Go get him, please.”

Brandon nods and stumbles out of there, running down the hallway. It doesn’t take long at all before he hears Matt rambling. “Oh, good,” Brandon says with an eye roll. “Matt’s here, too.”

Adam and Matt are at top speed yelling at him, and bitching at each other. But mostly, panicking about the tentacle hand. Brandon thinks that’s fair.

It all happens fast enough he doesn’t know how to stop it. Before he can use his body as a shield, Matt pulls the locker room door open. Light blares out, tickling at a memory Brandon knows he’s not supposed to have.

Matt manages to continue being unhelpful by whining, “What the hell?”

Brandon didn’t ever want to feel this magic all over him again. But here he is. “Oh, no.”

Mini playlist (crack playlist for a crack fic): Magic - BoB and Rivers Cuomo Black Magic - Little Mix Magic - One Direction Moonlight Magic -Ashnikko

#Breynolds #Look at the weird thing I wrote!!!#It least to the next story in the series which is going to be the weirdest thing I've ever written!!!!! I'm so excited to get weird!#But intimidated!!!!!#wtf i like wrestling now???#in which sara writes

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