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osachiyo · 3 months

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✧˚ 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐃𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐄𝐗 — dazai, chuuya, akutagawa, atsushi & tetchou .ೃ࿐

˚➶ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 — female reader, n/sfw content (mdni), fluff + crack some of y'all will get second hand embarrassment, prolly the only thing i'll write about period sex, breaking the bed, spicy cunnilingus, accidental anal, reader hits her head in one of these but dw it's fine, overall just some silly stuff ! wc for each character is like 300-400 words long :) not proofread !

˚➶ 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 — i've been putting this off for too long 💀 anyways, happy reading and enjoy ! also is it tetchou or tecchou idfk how to spell this dude's name 😭

"Nghh - fuuck— you're s'good at this, angel—" Dazai moaned, encouraging you to bounce on him faster. He had you in reverse cowgirl— watching your ass bounce on his pelvis as you jumped up and down on his cock, desperately trying to chase that release you've been working for.

"Feels— feels so g-good!" You cried out, pretty nails digging into his thigh, making him let out a pornographic moan - which made you clench on him even more.

Dazai groaned, grabbing handfuls of your ass and spreading them apart to see the mouthwatering view of your cunt greedily swallowing his cock. That's when he saw little streaks of blood coating his cock - mixed with your slick and his precum... and he realized that you must be starting your period.

If Dazai was being completely honest - he didn't really care about the blood, and no way he was stopping right now— when you're riding him so deliciously and looking so fucking sexy while doing it - he'd be insane (like he isn't already) if he were to stop you now. Plus, he didn't want you to get embarrassed— no, that's the last thing he wanted.

He definitely told you after sex, though. He was like, "oh yeah, you're on your period, by the way." It kind of shocked you how casual he was about it - which he noticed, of course. He'd laugh at your bewildered face, chuckling as you ask him if he's not grossed out. He'd wave you off, "sweetheart, do you think i'm a boy? Trust me, a little bit of blood doesn't bother me."

You were about to reply when a cramp hit you straight in the guts - making you hiss out and curl into yourself in pain. Dazai frowned, quickly sitting next to you to brush your hair out of your face - "you alright, sweet girl?" You groaned in response, "mm - yeah, j-just these damn period cramps are killing me."

Dazai pretended to think for a bit, even rubbing his finger on his chin to add the extra effect, making you roll your eyes at his silly antics. he looked deep in thought for a moment until you heard him snapping his finger, pointing at you with a wink - "aha! I know exaaactly how to get rid of your cramps." Your eyebrows pinched together at his words, knowing it's gonna be something dumb.

"Let's go for another roun— oumph!" You threw a pillow at him, resulting him falling backwards on his butt. "I knew you were gonna say that!" You groaned, kicking your legs - snickering at the way he rubs his bottom. "Gosh, you are just the meanest, aren't you?" He whined - making you giggle, "oh? well, that would make you the horniest!"

"Hey! I was serious - it really works— oumph!"

You were currently face-down, ass-up on Chuuya's lavish bed— as he pushed your face further into the pillow, cunt greedily sucking his fat cock in. He didn't even bother with taking off your clothes— just ripping them and grumbling about buying you new ones when you went to protest.

"Argh— shhiiiit- takin' m-me s'well, babydoll," growling, he pulled you up by your hair - back against his chest and fuck, you could feel him in the deepest part of you - hammering inside of your puffy pussy while reaching a free hand to play with that tiny clit. "Chuuya— C-chuuya!" You squealed, face landing on the pillow with an "oof!" as he pushed you back against it. "S-shut it, fu—ck! 'yer so tight," he almost whimpered, hand untangling itself from your hair to pinch and tweak at your nipples - before landing a mean smack on your ass.

He was speeding up - almost at an inhuman pace, as the headboard continuously slammed against the wall. But the both of you failed to notice the cracking noise - too lost in the pleasure, before the bed came crashing down.

'fuck, you're doin' so good ba— whAT THE FUCK—?!" Chuuya screeched as you both fell on the floor along with the broken bed. "Shit - are you okay, baby?" He quickly checked you for any injuries— only to see that you were still dazed, your mouth agape and eyes glossed over— too cockdrunk to even process that the bed broke.

“Argh— fuck it,” he thought, just going back to pounding your cunt as if it didn’t just break down. Making his pretty girl gush all over him was way more important— and plus, he could easily buy another bed.

You scolded him after getting your back blown out. But he couldn’t care less, if he was being completely honest.

In reality, it actually turned him on even more— his new goal from now on is breaking the bed everytime while fucking - from the sheer force of it. So um.. goodluck walking..?

You were cuddled up on the couch with your boyfriend of 6 months, watching a cute movie when you suddenly felt something stiff poking against your ass— how cute, you thought - biting your lip as you ground back against him, earning a sharp gasp from Atsushi.

Things escalated from that to you being on top of him— fervently making out, shy fingers digging into the plush of your hips as you continued grinding on his dick— moaning into each other's mouths.

Eventually you ended up on your back, with Atsushi rutting into you fast and hard as you threw your head back. He was inexperienced— but you had to say, what he lacked in technique, he made up for in enthusiasm. His face was buried in your neck, letting out puffs of hot air as he suppressed the urge to bite down on your shoulder and mark you up— he didn't want to hurt or scare you off.

"Oh— god, 'sushi that feels so—" you moaned, lips parting as you silently begged for a kiss - to which he gladly complied. "Fuck— yes, s'good—!" Atsushi moaned, eyes rolling back slightly as you clamped down on him further, you were close and so was he.

But somehow, he managed to slip out of your tight cunt— making him whine and quickly try to push it back in, desperate to feel your warm walls around him again. He slipped in with some issues— it felt like you had gotten tighter but he didn't mind. Holy shit though, it felt so much warmer and tighter no— "OW OW—! ATSUSHI!"

He immediately jumped upon hearing your pained shriek, "what's wro—" "Pull out - right now!" You sneered, glaring at him as he complied. "That was the wrong hole— you idiot!" You scolded, but your gaze got softer when you saw him sulking - he didn't mean to hurt you!

"I- I'm so sorry— it just accidentally slipped out a-and then I tried to push it back in and—" he was speaking really fast, trying his best to explain himself before you put your hand up, palm against his chest.

"I get it— sorry for yelling at you," you sighed, wrapping your arms around his neck as you climbed onto his lap. He nodded, still sulking because he felt so guilty— god, he just can't do anything righ—

"Don't beat yourself up for it, okay? It wasn't your fault," you spoke as if you could read his mind, making him relax his tensed shoulders as he nodded.

..You two just decided to continue the movie and cuddle the night away.

Akutagawa had you backed up against some large shelves inside a storage room, while you two were on a mission. He'd normally prefer to have you somewhere else— somewhere more private and comfortable but you just had to be a damn tease the whole fucking day, and now he's finally got his hands on you.

"So— fucking— desperate—" each word that fell from his chapped lips were accompanied by a mean thrust, the tip of his cock brushing against that one spot inside of your walls. He had you completely trapped against the large set of shelves with rashōmon— leaving you with no ways to escape him. "Haah— d-did a little bending g-get you this worked u-up?" You added fuel to the fire— making his right eye twitch in annoyance, what a lousy mouth you had.

He said nothing, though— only speeding his pace up, as heavy breaths and pants left him— an unusual flush spread across his cheeks. "You really— shit!— d-don't know when to shut the fuck up," he growled, as a pale hand found your tits— slapping the jiggling fat before landing a harsh slap to each.

Your back arched with each pound of his hips into your gooey cunt— both of you feeling lightheaded from the pleasure circulating through your veins. So lightheaded in fact, you both somehow failed to notice the heavy book on top one of the shelves inching closer and closer towards the very edge— a small impact against the wood would most likely make it fall.

"oh— AkuOWW—!" And fall it did— right on top of your head before it bounced off and fell on the floor. You yelled in pain, the dull pain making you head throb. Akutagawa just...paused— eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. He didn't know what to say— should he ask if you're okay? He's never been good at this stuff — so he just.. kinda... stood there and stared.

Made sure you're alright after he was over the initial shock, though — telling you that you should've seen it coming, earning him a few curses from you.

Tetchou had you spread on the couch, strong hands holding your thighs against your chest, giving him a perfect view of the soaked cunt he was about to devour.

"You look so pretty between my legs," you cooed, running your fingers through his burgundy locks. "Yeah? Well, I wish you could see my view, gorgeous girl," he spoke while nibbling the insides of your thighs— placing sloppy, open mouthed kisses wherever his lips could reach. His face was lightly flushed pink — your praises always made him hot and bothered, it encouraged him to do even better — make you feel even better.

A small moan caught in your throat when your boyfriend slowly peeled away the slick-soaked panties from your juicy cunt, pulling them down your legs before flinging them off somewhere. The cold night air hitting your bare sex made you try to clench your thighs back together — but to no avail, as Tetchou kept them apart firmly. He felt himself salivating at the sight of your exposed cunt — wanting to dive right in.

And dive right in he did, licking a fat stripe up your cunt, collecting your juices on his tongue before smearing them all over your clit, feeling your thighs shake and tummy clench at the stimulation. "Don't hold them back f'me," he let out a muffled grunt. "Your moans — don't hold 'em back," he clarified, before shamelessly shaking his head back and forth on your cunt — causing you to arch your back as your fingers tightened their grip on his hair.

"A-ah, Tetchou—" you threw your head back with a whine, trying to lift your hips up to grind into his mouth, to which he responded to by pushing you even further into the couch, "don't move," he panted, basically growling into your pussy. He couldn't help but hump into the couch — way too turned on by your pleasure.

It was all going great — amazing even, until you felt a light burn on your cunt, confusion lacing all your features. It didn't take long for the burning sensation to build up — the pleasure slowly disappearing, as discomfort kicked in.

"W-wait — Tetchou," you panted, trying to pull his head away from your aching (literally) cunt. Tetchou only growled in response, latching onto your pussy harder — you knew better than to interrupt him during a meal.

But it fucking burned! So you just yelled out, "it burns!" And felt him immediately pause — slowly lifting his head from the spot between your thighs and looking utterly confused, "what?"

"I — I don't know, but my pussy fucking burns," you snapped, worry laced all over your features.

Then suddenly, a look of realization mixed with mortification fills your boyfriend's face. You cocked an eyebrow at him, "what is it?"

"... I forgot I ate those... spicy noodles and... some of the sauce was probably still on my lips...."

©sachiyoh— do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated♡

tags ・ @hopefulpain @inkmooon @constant-existential-terror @nda-approval @mellieellie @seiiushi @lynxxyyy @kentopedia

@sorasushik1 @himebwrries @nopethenope @neviex @fyodorisbbg @stygianoir @saharei @x-lunawrites-x @munnaitorei @emyyy007 @dearhoney-31 @the-foreigner @angoisfine @osaemu @honeycombflowers-blog @yuiiasathesilly @kaithegremlin @sukiischaotic @squigglewigglewoo @cupidszvlvr @ashthemadwriter-archived @bloobewy @mrs-bakugou @hauntedsol @ask-me-or-not @hanakotateyama @kissesmellow21 @dazaichuuya69 @xxsilverjackalxx @gettinshiggywithit @deaths-presence @sugaredpersimmon @rjssierjrie @iheartpieck @angelof-darkness @dazaisimpletmereadfanficspls @hellokitty-4-lele @scinclaitnoir @aly-insanity @kemis-world @bisexuawolfsalt @thateldribitch

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saelique · 25 days

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“are you tired of me now ? I totally understand if you are-”

“I just literally rambled about you to my friends/teammates/coworkers/mom for one hour.”

isagi , kaiser ? , dazai , gojo , atsushi , yuji , ranpo ? , chuuya ? , tecchou ? , ness ? + ur favs ૮꒰ྀི つ˘ `⸝⸝ ꒱ྀིა

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aeshiiteiru · 11 months

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soo could you write about dazai, chuuya and tecchou's red green and beige flags?

…My Flags?

— Their green, red and beige flags ft. O.Dazai, N. Chuuya, S. Tetchou

— Warnings & Notes

sfw | Mix

|| thx for the request, made me have an unwanted reality check lmao

|| kinda angsty but also fluffy and funny, those are based on my own thoughts and opinions!

m.list | writing rules

— Dazai

The green flags

He tries his best to be a good boyfriend. Of course it takes time and effort, but he really tries to give his all for you and you notice it (most of the time). He just tries his best for you (even though he has his moments)

He showers you with compliments. He wants you to know what he feels for you every step of the way. Some compliments are actually just so ridiculous it’s funny

“Mh, ‘bella! You’re so beautiful I would definitely steal your photos, make a fake account, and impress other people online!”

“That’s, uh….creepy but cute, thank you love…”

Conversation with him are never boring! He will find thousands of stupid topics just to talk to you about them! He wants to hear you laugh and see you smile as you state your opinions on all these weird things. (He probably doesn’t want to do his work smh)

The red flags

He tends to gaslight you…a lot. Mostly about that you’re just paranoid that he gaslights you. He doesn’t do it on purpose most of the time, it’s just how he is.

Unfortunately he still flirts with other women. He isn’t cheating, but the sweet words and looks still happen sometimes. He does it unintentionally, but it’s there, it happens. He says he tries to get rid of these habits, but you’re doubtful.

Dazai runs away from his problems. Always. Whenever there is a conflict between you two he tries to brush it off and act like everything is okey. That is until he notices you’re genuinely upset with him, then he just leaves. He leaves and returns after a few hours or days of no contact and acts like nothing happened again.

The beige flags

When he notices that he accidentally made you cry, he will jump on top of you to aggressively suck the tears off your face like some human vacuum in order to make you laugh and feel better. It’s ridiculous but it works.

Whenever you ask him what he wants to eat he always, always replies with “you” or “nothing”. No in-between, no specifics. It was funny at first, but at some point you just started to sigh and shake your head at it.

He keeps his undies that have holes in them so that he can surprise you by walking out the bathroom and tearing them off his body only leaving the waist band. He calls it the “grand reveal”. Always whenever you least expect it. Makes you question many things.

— Chuuya

The green flags

He notices the little things. You have a sparkle in your eyes whenever you see a flower you like? Expect a bouquet of these flowers on the table the next day. You pick out a vegetable from your food because you don’t like it? He noticed, and he made sure that that vegetable never appears in your house ever again.

Yeah so he is always trying to impress you with things. He often makes a fool out of himself because of it, but it brings a smile to your face so you let him do his thing.

Chuuya loves to gossip about people with you. You know the second he says “you won’t believe what happened.” Means you’re in for the hottest, spiciest tea spill in history. His gossip is always so juicy it leaves you gasping with every sentence. You love how he trusts only you with it.

The red flags

The way he expresses his anger makes you feel unsafe sometimes. You never know when he will accidentally harm you during one of his anger outbursts. It’s very worrisome to you and actually him too.

He is an alcoholic already a separate red flag, so stuff happens when he is wasted (which is often). Chuuya often tells you hurtful things during that time. It’s things he would never, ever allow to leave his mouth while sober, but we all know drunk Chuuya is not your Chuuya anymore.

Always needs to know where you are and what you’re doing. He is very, very controlling. Is it because he is worried? Possessive? Obsessive?? No one knows. But he is, and it’s suffocating sometimes. You basically have no privacy. (It’s probably because he has trust issues that you’ll leave him at some point just like others ekhem Dazai )

“So, where are you going? Who will you be with?”

“….to a bar, with just some friends..?”

“Is that so? What friends? Actually, I’ll have some of my men go with you to be sure you’ll be fine.”

“……”

The beige flags

Whenever he spills the hot tea of the day in the mafia, you’re no longer “love, dear, doll or baby” etc. No, no, that’s when you become “dawg” or “bro” and you deal with it. He is not aware of it and you never tell him. You are dawg. That’s final.

Whenever he misplaces his belongings, the first thing he does is ask you “what did you do with my (insert item)?” It doesn’t matter what it is, his phone, his hat whatever, he thinks you took it.

When you guys go to bed he scoots closer and closer over the course of the night in order to cuddle you, except he always scoots a little too much and you always end up falling off the bed, and then when you try to get him to move back a little he will complain that it’s late and you should be sleeping instead of waking him up. (He is only half awake the whole time, forgive him for being a bitch)

— Tetchou

The green flags

He respects your boundaries. When you say no, it means no, and he understands.

He never flinches when you order something no sane person would eat. That's because he also does that. (It should be a red flag that his taste in food is horrendous, but he will never judge you sooo forgiven)

He always listens to you. He might not understand a thing you're talking about, or might not get why that thing is so exciting but he will listen, and agree with everything you say to show you he is interested and is paying attention.

The red flags

Puts his job above you. You always come second. He loves you, but if the job required him to break up with you, he would without a second thought. I’m sorry, justice above all.

He is lacking in emotional intelligence. He doesn't really know how to comfort you or empathize with you which leaves you to mostly deal with the emotional distress yourself.

Sleeps with his socks on during summer. Thats all, that’s the reddest flag.

The beige flags

Whenever he's hungry and you're not he will starve himself, because he refuses to eat when you're not eating. It makes him feel bad and you don’t get why.

Whenever you ask him a question he will answer without elaboration. —

"How was work?"

"Good. As usually."

— A man of few words, but you need him to spill the details, right now.

He can't use emojis. He thinks “🙄” is someone looking up, not an eye-roll. It makes texting more difficult than it should…

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd tetchou #tetchou x reader #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs dazai #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #tetchou suehiro #dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #bsd fluff #bsd flags #bsd angst #bsd crack

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heartsforseo · 8 months

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“I know it isn’t good but I wanted to make breakfast for you in bed.”

“I love it”

“You haven’t even taste it.”

“Whatever made by you is good, my love.”

“It’s burnt.”

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sanest-bsd-delegate · 9 months

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imagine being fyodor’s and dazai’s prison guard🫠 like bringing them food or smth like that. the tension!! the banter😩

😌💪💀💀Ahh yes it would be classic family drama show. BUT LIKE

Fyodor: ASHJDF2443221DDSF

Dazai: DSFHSDJI2343

Y/N: What the fuc-

========

Fyodor: pass me the salt *Dazai throws salt*

Dazai: Pass me the egg *Fyodor throws egg*

Y/N: What the fuc-

========

Dazai: Y/NNNN AM BOREDDDD

Fyodor: So am I

Y/N: I am not

Dazai: SDJF 32 AJ23K

Fyodor: YOU LIL SHI-

Y/N: 😃

====

Fyodor:😃👉🚪🙌✍️ 💅🐁 🐀

Dazai: 👉🙄👈 😡✌️ 🤞🕵️🐈

Y/N: How do you even talk in emojis?

Dazai and Fyodor: 🤷💁

=====

For all I know is that the talks wouldn't be pg.

---

Dazai: Y/N you look great in those clothes

Fyodor: Agreed but you would look better in

Y/N: 🤨

Dazai and Fyodor: Prision clothes *dazai fingerguns*

Y/N: I dont get paid enough for this

===

But if you find these mf attractive oh lord

imagination THAT IS YOUR CREATION🖐️😔💪💀

All i know is that all three of you need therapy🏃🚶👹

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou sd #bsd dazai #bsd headcanons #bsd x reader #dazai #imagine being fyodor’s and dazai’s prison guard #sbd's asks #sbd's cool anon duo #sbd on crack #dazai x reader #fyodor x reader #dazai x reader x fyodor #reader as prison gaurd

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justcallmesakira · 3 months

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HIII OMG I haven’t had a good laugh in a while until i came across your fyodor’s sis dating dazai hcs IT GOT ME ROLLING ON THE FLOOR 😭 can i request for dazai’s sister dating fyodor if you’re up for it? fluff crack make it silly if you want i’ll enjoy anything from you for sure!!

"Dazai with a sister dating Fyodor!"

Sypnosis: Uh oh! Looks like Dazais one and only sister he grew up with is dating a rat who the entirety of yokohama is after!

Genre: crack, suggestive? (idk sth is wrong with me)

Warning: More blasting, bombing, terrorrist, rizz,

A/N: AHHH I AM SO HAPPY U ENJOYED IT- AND I AM MORE THEN HAPPY BCS I MADE YOU LAUGH !!! >.<

nahhh like brother like sister :/

NO BCS i feel like fyodor just wanted to temper dazai by using his ugly breedable charms on you

But it backfired terribly! (like his posture)

Though you were his one and oNlY eNeMyS blood relative he just couldnt help but flirt with you and perhaps ykyk do those romantic stuff ppl do

This is so ooc rn ;skull emoji 69x;

However you were extremly LIKE extremly careful to not let your brother know

You literly sneaked off the house as if you were sneaking inthe kitchen to cook a whole buffet at 3am!!

Except you were sneaking off to EAT a whole buffet😏😏

Even the rat himself helped you to sneak to his rusty ahh apartment

Wow! The first thing he actually did for others!!!!!

Honestly dazai would be chill though-

Like oh his sister is dating someone? welp sure! i have exes all around the city hope its not one of them though hehe...HeHe

FUCKING SLU--

You took the risk of rizzing fyodor up infront of him though like:

"I am crime, I am punishment" you: "I know something else you can punish :3"

Dazai woke back from the dead with em bones fish eye when u said that

AYYY DAZAI IN HIS MELANIE MARTINEZ "PORTALS" ERA!!!!1😍

When he find out though.....oh god hes going to give you that light skin stare, with his eyes turning into nothing but a pitch black void

like my soul-- OKAY THIS IS THE LAST ONE I PROMISE--

One day you met up with fyodor and you were so excited that you nearly threw his anemic ass to the ground

"Yaaaah fedya,!! we finally met! dont give me that face do u know how hard it is to come and meet you when my lazy ahh brother puts trackers on me!" "Malyshka, please calm down---''

All of a sudden u could hear shuffling which instantly cautions the both of you only for your eyes to be meeted with your brothers eye turning into nothing but pitch black like the face he gave when he saw mori

your getting grounded <3

"Out of all people...out of 8 billion people, sister😀" "I-i-i-i i can explain"

he then looked at fyodor with the ugliest angry face ever "YOU FUCKING RAT HOW DARE YOU WOO MY SISTER WITH FEHUYOUR UGFLY AHH RATUTILLIE NO RIZZ MANIUPULATION I AM GONNA BLAST YO-"

damn.. dazai become eminem

the shift mood between to u then to fyodor was so funny

LIKE YALL SAW THE ADVICE FYODOR GAVE TO DAZAI IN THEIR CELLS? THATS A BIT--- UM YANDERE??????!!

"BROTHER CALM DOWN I WAS NOT MANIUPULATED TF-" "THAT WONT STOP ME FROM MY MANSLAUGHTER ARC" "WHAT?--"

#siblinggoalsfr

fyodor honestly only glared at him with a smile that said "If they annoy you, go for their sibling"

dazai YANKED Your arm taking you back to you apartment and just stared at you as if you got a B in maths

uh oh...

So YEAH after hours of not being able to calm him down he finally accepted!

Dazai gifted fyodor a dead rat in a helicopter after he accepted you guys😍😍😍

No bcz i think u and nikolai would have matching energy--

Nikolai: "Dos-kun bites his nails!" You: "Real except he bites my neck!"

one day ranpo jolted up from his seat with fisheye and slowly turned to you as if you ate his (dead)mother

"Dazai Y/N, you did not..." "Oh yes yes i just did :3"

everybody was so confused like did you steal his snacks or sth???

"like brother like sister i guess...." -ranpo after finding out his bestie is doing unholy things to his enemy

JKJK-

Dazai acted so overdramatic omg- ugh hes so babygirl

"I still cant believe it... MY OWN SISTER DATING-DAT-DATING A STINKY RAT! Wait- WHAT IF YOU GET MARRIED???????!!!!! WILL YOUR NAME BE D-D-D-DOS-DOE RATVESKY?? sis you better let him take your name WAIT NO I WILL NOT SHARE MY NAME WITH HIM UGFYDUTYFE"

dramatic gossip girlie fr

like its literly like

"I took your victory😈" "I took your sisters viriginty😈😈😈"

i am so sorry-WAHHHHHHHHHH- *gets shot in the head by reader for being so dirty*

during gatherings, they just smile at each other protesting in their minds who can take care of u better while your in a chair rollin around and going :3

kuro kuro kuro kuroooo kuro kuro kuro kuro ding luro kuro ding~

until your silly ahh falls! :D

And its just a second of time to see who can cath you first-

Dazais going to turn your wedding into an arson commitment!

"Breaking news!, Depressed man who half the fandom slanders burns down his sisters wdding venue with soy sauce!"

Well... its a funky ride! but hey its fyodor

A/N: i know its short but i tried okay- ENJOY!! i love doing crack if i cant laugh or be happy i will make others happy!! <33

Divider crds: @nikolaismasquerade

tags! @silverbladexyz @riiwrites @chuuyasboner @heartsfourdazai @atlasnessie @atsquie @tojifile @biscuits-lovely-corner @darling--angst

#bungou stray dogs #sakira!#bsd #bsd x reader #bungou gay dogs #dazai #dazai x reader #dazai sister #dazais sister x fyodor #fyozai x sister reader #lol #bsd crack #dirty pick up lines

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student-in-nightraven · 1 year

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Catblocked

Bsd x gn reader

Characters: Nikolai, Fyodor, Poe, chuuya

Genre: fluff, crack

Nikolai Gogol

Nikolai just came back from a tiring mission and was eager to cuddle up to you to let the stress out, when he saw you he got excited and start sprinting to you, just before he could get to you your cat jumped Infront and started hissing, it's fur standing on its tips, this stopped Gogol in his tracks, like the cartoony thing they do to stop themselves from running, he looked down to your cat with wide and deadly eyes, you started to feel chills run down your spine "Um..kolya? Are you okay?" You asked nervously, moving closer to him slowly and nudging his shoulder, he whipped his head up at you and smiled "Dorogaya(dear) have you thought about getting a pet dove instead?" You sighed and took his hand dragging him back to your bedroom to cuddle up to him, he was still eyeing your cat, he'd never hurt it of course, he loves you too much to hurt you like that! Doesn't mean he won't terrorise the cat tho, be careful around this clown.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

It was rare for Fyodor to be affectionate, one of those rare days was today, it was a rainy evening, Fyodor had just finished his work and decided he'd coddle you for a while, it's been quite a while since you spent time together. He got up from his chair and went out to look for you, he found you in the living room on your phone, he sat down next to you and kissed the crown of your head "How are you my dear?" He asked while petting your head, you smiled "I'm good, you?" "I'm okay" he tilted your chin up smiling and started to lean in when all of a sudden a cat jumped on his head, causing him to grunt audibly, he quickly pulled back eyes shut tightly and grabbed the cat by it's scurf looking at it dead in the eye, he let go of it and the cat plopped down on the floor, hissing at Fyodor, you tried your best to contain your laughter but Fyodor still heard you, turning his head back to you while glaring, causing your laughing to stop immediately, he closed his eyes tilted his head up a bit and left "Wait WAIT FEDYA I'M SORRY COME BACK PLEASE" you yelled after him but he had left to go to the kitchen he was making tea, he made none for you you don't deserve it for laughing at him also he hates your cat now, congrats 👏

Edgar Allan Poe

You and Poe both loved animals, he had a cute raccoon you had a cat, most of the times those 2 animals get along so you didn't worry about that, Poe was writing something new you put a trey of food down next to him on the desk, he looked up at you and smiled sheepishly "Thank you my love" he took your hand and kissed it, pulling you in his lap and holding you gently as if you were made from glass, you giggled and nuzzled closer to him he pulled back enough to see your face, caressing your cheek with his thumb, he kissed your cheek and as he was about to move to kiss your lips a loud hiss could be heard which caused Poe to Yelp and pull back immediately, both of you turned your heads to the direction of the sound and you could see your cat hissing at Karl swiping it's paws at him, Karl was holding on the cats tail for his life, you got off Poe's lap and he stood up, you took your cat and he took his raccoon, "Karl! Why were you holding (cats name)'s tail! That's painful" he scolded Karl "*cat name* you're no better, you don't swipe at Karl he's your friend!" Once you settled your pets down you held your cat to your chest and Poe kept Karl on his shoulder , turns out your cat wanted to jump on Poe to "protect" you from him and Karl didn't want the cat to scratch Poe so tried holding the cat back, the cat wants y'all to part but Karl is the glue💪 maybe you'll get your cat to warm up to Poe one day.

Chuuya Nakahara

You and chuuya were having a nice romantical dinner to celebrate your anniversary, he set up the table and cooked food for you, in return you bought him fine wine, there was one of those old fashioned candles on the table, some rose petals here and there, basically the atmosphere was great after dinner he took you to the couch to watch a movie, during the movie he turned to you and kissed your neck, you returned the kiss to his lips he smirked and kissed back, before things could get heated your cat jumped on chuuyas back clawing him, Chuuya full on screeched, your neighbours thought a highschool girl got kidnapped that's how high pitched his scream was, he turned around to catch your cat keeping it as far from his face as possible, the cat was still trying to scratch him "YOU PIECE OF SH-" "Chuuya!" "what?! It scratched me!" You took your cat and put him aside, you turned to chuuya checking to see if the scratches were deep, luckily they weren't,before you could leave he took ahold of your wrist "hey where are you going? What about the night anniversary?" He said putting emphasis on night "Sorry chuuya but I better calm *cats name* down before it scratches you again" you kissed his lips and left to get your cat, chuuya huffed leaning back on the couch and crossing his arms "we should've gotten a puppy instead..."

Please make it up for this pouty man later

The end

#x reader #bsd x reader #bsd edgar allan poe #bsd poe x reader #bsd nikolai gogol #nikolai gogol x reader #fyodor x reader #fyodor x y/n #chuuya nakahara #chuuya nakahara x reader #crack #fluff

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ashthemadwriter-archived · 11 months

Text

TW: Ass spanking, Dazai harassment, reposted since I accidentally deleted the original post😭

"I'm not exactly sure if I wanna have this conversation with you"

Standing in front of the desk, DAZAI chuckled as he leaned over to have a bigger influence on his coworker. Mischief was sparkling in his hazel eyes, and the smile he had on was known to be a symbol of his goofiness.

"You see Kunikida, I'm just sad for all the things you're missing out on"

Kunikida didn't even raise his head to look at him. He merely kept typing his —actually Dazai's— report while postponing beating the shit out of him, partly for the report and partly for the sake of their current conversation. Regardless of his lack of interest, Dazai joyfully continued rambling in his ear about women.

"If there's one thing I find tolerable in this dull, unamusing world, it's definitely the ladies. Ah, when my eyes fall on their enchanting faces and they smile at me, the pleasure is like sucking the soul out of my restless frame"

"...That doesn't sound healthy or charming at all, Dazai"

"You don't get it!" The brunet dramatically shook his head to the side. "I guess you never will, until you fall in the grasp of their delicate arms, and taste their sweet chap stick"

"If you don't shut up I will smack you with this laptop"

"Ah the second your lips lock, she softly hums and loses herself into you, hands travelling on your neck to your earlobe, And you only sigh and softly bite her bottom lip. And then my favorite part, which is when you gently lower your hands on his waist and squeeze her—"

Slap!

Suddenly, silence was the loudest thing in the room instead of his partner's voice, and this uncalled for event made Kunikida look up to see what caused this enjoyable occurrence, only to be met with Dazai's dumbfounded expression and widened eyes pointing at you, who was standing behind him, holding your hand with an irritated face.

"Ouch! That hurt! Your thin ass is just bones ain't it?"

Dazai was still lost for words, speechlessly looking back at you. You on the other hand, simply rolled your eyes and walked away. "Huh! I guess you really are just an asshole. You bony ass better not have broken my fucking hand"

Nobody spoke for a minute. The man put an arm on his ass and tried to figure out what the hell had just happened, when he heard the blonde's teasing voice.

"I think you should start saving for a butt implant"

#bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd imagines #bsd fluff #bsd crack #bsd scenarios #osamu dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x y/n #dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai imagines #dazai scenarios #dazai fluff #dazai crack #dazai drabble #dazai fic #bsd dazai #ashthemadwriter

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ginandginny · 7 months

Text

BSD Characters With a Sick S/O

Genre: Fluff, humour.

Warnings: Mentions of death and su!cide in Dazai’s part, pet names. Some characters might be a bit ooc, and this is very cringe, and a lil suggestive. Swearing.

Featuring: Yosano, Gin, Aku, Dazai, Chuuya, Atsushi, Kunikida, Jouno, Tecchou,

Format: Headcanons plus scenarios

Various BSD!characters x gender neutral reader (Chuuya uses ‘princess’ once, Dazai uses ‘belladonna’)

Part one out of three

Coloured character names are the characters I’m featuring in this fic

OSAMU DAZAI

-How do I start…

-He’s worried. Like it’s not life-threatening, but he’s worried. Maybe because he won’t be able to do a double suicide with you-

-He’d use this as an excuse to skip work. 😭😭😭

-He somehow gets Kunikida to buy the medicine for him. Maybe some convincing lies, and few casual mentions of extortion. 🥲

-You’d be lying in bed like “Honey I need medicine I’ll be fine on my own for a while; can you go buy it?” And dudes like “Nah, we’re getting free delivery service from Kunikida.” 😘

-He’d feed you your medicine and food, and call you ‘good girl’ when you swallow. My mind just went somewhere else if you know what I mean

-Cuddles

-Still very annoying

“Awwwwww, my poor baby is sick.” DAZAI mocked. He pinched your cheeks playfully. “Maybe I’d get to skip work, taking care of you.”

“Shut up.” You grumbled, attempting to throw a pillow at him. He cooed at you for a while, annoying you even more. “Osamu, please stop being a dick for once and buy me medicine.” You broke off in another coughing fit. To that response, Dazai smirked. “Tsk tsk tsk, my dear belladonna, why waste our own time, money, and energy when we can waste other’s?”

“Because,” you responded scathingly, “We aren’t parasites, living off of other peoples expenses. Or I’m not. Maybe you are. Like a leech or something. Sucking other peoples money, time and energy. You’re the embodiment of a parasite.” Dazai gasped, pretending to be stabbed in the gut. Dramatically, he fell to the living room floor, feigning hurt.

“Belladonna! You think this lowly of me?! Oh, the pain you have inflicted upon my poor soul…” You snorted to cover up your laugh. Dazai caught that, and smiled. He stood up, and kissed you on the forehead.

“Goodness! You’re burning up! Sorry sweetie, I have a small phone call to make. Be back in a few!” And he waltzed off towards the kitchen. A couple of minutes later, he returned with a cup of tea and some blankets.

“Medicine is on the way here. Make sure you sound like you’re dying when I open the door. Kunikida is very irritated today. In the meantime, have some tea and I’ll put on a movie. Anything in particular you’d like to watch, Bella?”

CHUUYA NAKAHARA

-Saying he overreacted is an understatement 😨😰

-He probably impulsively spent a lot of money on expensive medicine and stuff that’ll make you feel better 🫡🫡

-You’d be his world, and he’s the major satellite revolving around you

-Personally called Mori to explain why he can’t go to work

-He’d carry you everywhere even to use the bathroom 😭

The moment you told CHUUYA you were sick, he instantly called Mori to tell him he couldn’t go to work.

“Blankets, stuffed animals, food, name it I’ll get it.” He said.

“Chuu, I only have a cold.”

“No. I’m not dismissing this. I’ll get you that plushie you wanted last week… actually, I’ll get my subordinates to get it for you. I’m not leaving your side.” He stated firmly. He picked you up bridal style, ignoring your protests, and gently set you in bed, covering you with a blanket.

“Wait here, princess, I’ll get the fluffy blanket you love. Oh and throw pillows. Do want your iPad, laptop, or phone? Never mind I’ll get them all… TV too.” He hurried out of the room before you could stop him. He returned, holding a giant fluffy blanket. You fought back the urge to laugh. He looked so silly, carrying a pile of fluffy fabric. His arms barely wrapped around it, and he looked tinier than ever. He placed it on the bed, spreading it out. He set down your phone too, he turned to get your laptop too before you coughed.

“Are you okay? How are you feeling, shit I forgot about medicine. Right… cough syrup…” He started listing medicine. Chuuya put a show on for you, then went to cook for you. Several times the doorbell rang, it was his subordinates delivering the medicine and other shit he bought for you.

“Chuuya, this is so expensive!” You protested.

“It’s to make you feel better.” He said severely, spooning mash potatoes into your mouth. You were surrounded by plushies, candles, blankets, and throw pillows.

“Oh Chuuya, you being here is just enough for me. I love you so much; you’re the best boyfriend ever.” His face lit up and went to kiss you, then you stopped him, reminding him that you were sick, and that you were currently trying to chew mashed potatoes.

So much for a romantic moment.

YOSANO AKIKO

-Finally a person who knows what she is dealing with

-I mean she’s a doctor of course she knows

-She’d cuddle with you to make you feel better 🥰🥰🥰

-Huge chance that she already has medicine in her house, but if she doesn’t, she probably would threaten Dazai to buy them for her, and she’d pay him back, but Dazai gets either Kunikida or Atsushi to do it and just takes the money 💀

-Yosano would cook your favourite meal, and sternly but affectionately tell you you can’t have ice cream 🫶🫶🫶

-Cares about you very much, but maybe will still go to work

-She’ll send someone to take care of you!! [See: threaten]

YOSANO frowned.

“You’re sick, you say?” She questioned, concerned. She touched your forehead then checked your temperature. Her face relaxed, then she gently patted you on the head and said,

“Don’t worry, it’s just a cold.” I’ll go check if we have medicine. In the meantime, make yourself comfortable.” You nodded glumly, and she smiled, reaching out to cup your cheeks.

“Awwwww, sweetheart, don’t pout. Here, I’ll carry you.”

“I love you so much.” So Yosano carried you too bed, tucked you in and kissed you on the forehead.

“If you need anything, call me.”

“Okay. Thank you.” She left the room, and you found yourself drifting off until you heard Yosano talking in the living room. It sounded like she was threatening to mutilate someone. Something about medicine and money. Such a loving girlfriend I have, you thought affectionately, recalling how she hugged you, and her scent. You fell asleep, and when you woke up, it was already time for dinner.

“Good evening, my sleeping beauty.” You looked up to find Yosano sitting on the bed, grinning down at you.

“Mornin, love.” You responded groggily. Yosano chuckled.

“Say ‘ahhhh’ for me, darling.” You did what she told you, and she fed you food. Your eyes widened.

“My favourite! Thank youuuu.”

“No problem, sweetheart.” Yosano fed you the rest of your meal, then told you she had the medicine ready. She fed you some, and you made a face and nearly threw up.

“No offense but this tastes like shit.”

“I see you’ve got your attitude back. That’s good. You should be fully recovered in a day or so. And one small question, love. How do you know what shit tastes like?”

That shut you up real quick. You drank the rest of the medicine without complaint. Eventually, Yosano started reading to you.

“Kiss me, you fool!” She cried in a silly voice. She was quite good at reading sad romance novels. You smiled mischievously and leaned in. She smiled too, and before you could talk-

“Shhhh, I’m not going to catch your cold, don’t worry,” she whispered. She tipped your chin up to look at her, then she kissed you.

Quick A/N:

Sorry this took so long! I’m sick, and my roommate, @a-random-weeb is too, so I decided to write this (also because she wrote it too) and it was really rushed. Sorry if it’s cringe and grammar mistakes, and that I only wrote for three characters. University sucks ass.

REBLOGS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED!

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chocsra · 6 months

Note

if you’re ok with writing for multiple characters, could i request a platonic oneshot with chuuya and dazai x fem!reader who is apart of their “double black” (except ig it wouldn’t be double black anymore) and both mediates their arguments and instigates them? (maybe a snippet of friends to lovers between chuuya and the reader 🤭) tysm have a nice day!

"Unlit Cigarettes stained by Warm Lips"

15! Chuuya x gn! reader x 15! platonic! Dazai

A/N: ofc! yall i should keep my mouth shut bc i make too many promises i cant keep. HALLOWEEN IS SOON BTW AAAAAA

Content: stuck in a jail cell with your unfortunately idiotic subordinates, fluff, crack, mafia work, reader is MEAN, a little romance w chuuya, dazai may be ooc but i like to think that in this kinda dynamic he acts more like a normal teen, slight soukoku, smoking, lots of swearing, NOT PROOFREAD‼️‼️

"Missss.. [Y/N]s smoking."

You slap the lanky boy's shoulder harshly as you shove the cigarette box back into your sleeve, watching as your other subordinate's face contort in surprise as Dazai mockingly whines. "Ow.." he rubs his shoulder with bandaged fingers, the ginger next to him looks at you with amusement and confusion. "Where the hell did ya get that?" he asks, you sulk in annoyance from the whining bastard beside you, "Up your ass." a quiet click of the tongue from the ginger can be heard as you defy his genuine question.

Unfortunately, these two are your subordinates, your partners in criminal work, your associated murderers in the underground business. Even though Double Black is all scary and terrifiyingly violent, you thought they were a pair of funny, immature and idiotic assholes.

Dazai Osamu, a lanky, greasy boy wrapped in bandages, loved dying. Yes, he wanted to fucking die, but he doesn't. You sometimes question his skill of staying alive after that many suicide attempts, but it's alright, you suppose. The mafioso had messy brown hair and wore massive suits that did not fit him and constantly smells like dog shit. He claims he has a silver tongue with women but the only woman he 'has' is the front-desk suicide hotline lady. If somebody ever asked your opinion on him, you would answer.. "He's.. interesting."

Next is Chuuya Nakahara, a short, but strong arrogant boy who is frustratingly brutal. Veeery brutal. He's extremely competitive and takes every minor activity as a sweat-inducing challenge. Karaoke is a pain when he's screaming his ass off, simplistic cooking or baking is horrifiying because this shithead works like he's donating food to charity as if his fatass isn't going to inhale everything afterwards, and any sort of video game was devasting, any one.

He had short ginger hair and stormy azure eyes. His fashion sucked until Koyou, a fellow superior of yours knocked some sense into him. Chuuya had a rather small figure but fairly muscled. Yeah, he flexed his abs (ribs) in the mirror randomly. The boy loved fedoras, chokers and classic, fancy clothing that made girls scream 'DAMON TORRANCE 😍‼️' under his Instragram posts. If someone were to ask your opinion on him, you'd say: "He's an alright guy," with a shrug.

Some dumbass landed you three in jail for a reason you'd rather not speak of, and now you have to deal with the aftermath of waiting for your 'beloved' guardian, Mori Ougai to come bail you three out.

"Mackerel," Chuuya jabs Dazai's side, intensely glaring at him. "Why'd you get the guard's attention? I could've smoked." he hisses, causing the taller boy to snap back at him with an eyeroll. "Nah it's fine, I don't have a lighter anyway." you mediate the tension, boredly playing with the flimsy cigarette box in your hand. The redhead scoffs a little, leaning back in the concrete seat of the jailcell, impossibly manspreading further. "We could use Dazai's hot ass breath as a makeshift lighter.." Chuuya suggests with a smirk, the lanky teenager sassily scoffs, "Or rub pipsqueak's oily hair until it catches fire."

"Like- how would that make a fire?" you retort in amusement, "Have you ever been to a science class?" Dazai and Chuuya shrug in sync unshamefully,

"Was busy protectin' gangsta kids."

"Missed most of middle school 'cause of an attempt."

...

"Fair enough," you shrug back, fixing your hair. "Y'know, Boss is gonna kill us when he gets here." you add on, leaning your head against the prison wall. "I know, I'm not fuckin' prepared," Chuuya copies your movements beside you, loosely throwing an arm around your shoulder. Dazai's eyebrows knit in amusement and embarrassment at the sight, "Pipsqueak, you are NOT smooth." the ginger almost glitches as he flew away from you at those words, now chasing the brunette around the jailcell.

"'Playfighting between you guys is a fuckin' hazard, even for the mafia." you mumble, placing the unlit cigarette between your lips to feel the sensation once more. "This isn't playfighting! I'm gonna kill his ass!" Chuuya pants between missed kicks thrown at Dazai. "That's why [Y/N] thinks you give 'dog vibes'!!" the brunette retorts, bringing up a previous conversation based off you psychoanalyzing your coworkers.

"Why you!-" the smaller boy curses, flying off a wall aimed towards Dazai's head. "I'm not wrong though!!" you fling your arms up in surrender, smiling cheekily as Chuuya rolls his eyes. "After this fuckboy, you're next." You swallow thickly in slight fear. You swore you could hear walls crack and floors thump at the loud commotion, drowning out the poised footsteps towards your cell.

"Sir, are these your children?"

A kind, petite policewoman points to you three fighting like rabid animals. Mori Ougai, your tall, diabolic and terrifiying boss smiles fakely, watching his underlings fight in pure irritation.

"Unfortunately."

The tall brunette immediately halts as the ginger almost decks him in the face. Your hands stay frozen in the air as if you've been caught instigating a chicken fight.

Dude, you are so fucked.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara #15 chuuya #bsd x reader #15 light novel bsd #chocsra #chuuya x reader #15 dazai x reader #dazai osamu #pm dazai #dazai x reader #crack fic

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iridescentdove · 9 months

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I need a BSD x Reader where it’s just the reader casually rizzing up everyone like no one is safe from the reader’s infinite rizz, not the ADA, not the PM, not the DOA, not the guild, and definitely not the Hunting Dogs, not even civilians; it’s literally everyone that is getting rizzed up, while the reader is aware and laughs and points at every clown they rizzed up.

THE ULTIMATE RIZZLORD.

various!BSD x reader

A/N: anon, I would like to point out how much I love you and this request right now. also, I put the reader in the port mafia for fun because why not.

Absolutely speechless.

This is how everyone felt – well, whether whoever it may be, there was just one thing all could collectively agree on. They may all be feared and powerful factions that anyone could basically kneel down to, however ...

Who THE FUCK is this audacious person?

MORI was the first to witness your ass flirt with every single person you saw. But no, did you even care? Not at all. He stares, bewildered and mildly in concern as you came up to every single person you saw – completely distracted from the mission at hand as you asked women to step on you, choke you ...

He wants you throw you back from where you came from.

Oh wait, nevermind. You were now flirting with HIM. MORI is in even more shock at your confidence. Damn, pretty bold of you. But he actually thought you kinda hot fr. Elise still #1 bae tho

And somehow, you were taken up to being an executive. Everyone is morbid and utterly terrified.

How the fuck is someone like you an EXECUTIVE?? HELLO??

CHUUYA turns as red as his hair could ever be. Look man, he just wanted to complain about Dazai and you here just ..

"That fucking idiot Dazai! I'll rip him apart!"

"Yes daddy- I mean, can you do that to me too?"

"... What?"

"Ooh~ those fingers are so slender and pretty .."

"Wh-"

"Mind if I ... caress them a little, babygorl?"

"(Y/N) WHAT-"

Aww, look at that, Chuuya is deader than Odasaku <3

But God forbid you be taken on important missions against another factiom because fuck man. All you're there for is 1% fighting, 99% rizzing.

Y'know when everything was in chaos in Yokohama bcz of the Guild trying to take over? Everyone's fighting their ass off, God knows where DAZAI is but no one cares, and you?? Uh yeah already guessed it.

Tryna rizz up the agency.

Like yes, they're in trouble, everyone is, we know but fuck war we want fictional men. And women.

"Are you lingo? Because we can make a good duo 😏" - you

"... Did you just make a duolingo pickup line" - kunikida

Man times when the port mafia and the agency are in a truce, you're there back and forth flirting nonstop. Everyone is red, turned on from your oh so amazing rizzler skills

DAZAI enjoys your company obviously. Both of you create so much chaos, but even sometimes you're so much worse than him. You're the only one who can actually surprise him. Like wtf bitch stop flirting with the damn secret police?? Uh??

You make suicidal jokes, whispering them so sexily in his ear he wanna take you to the bed right there mamasita lip bite

Oh, the Decay of Angels wanna achieve world domination? They can dominate sumn else if you know what I mean

No words can express how terrified u keep making everyone THAT'S FYODOR HE'LL KILL YOU WITH A TOUCH BITCH- oh wait nvm he's melting from all of your rizz and affection.

You are literally so sweet but so confusing. SIGMA sees you around the Sky Casino just chilling and flirting with everyone you see. He don't mind cause you hot anyway

The Guild kinda ... actually, no. They're not safe. FITZGERALD? More like Rizzgerald cause this bitch 'bout to get rizzed so hard he turns poor

Yeah .. I don't take it to heart.

You'll just be up in their ass even after the Yokohama incident. Literally all of them both love and hate you. "Should we throw her off a cliff or kiss her" "Idk the second option is kinda tempting tho" "Boss, what do we d-" "Both."

DAMN LOVECRAFT AND BRAM TOO?? BITCH STOP 😭

No one can escape from your rizz. Okay one time you got kidnapped by the fuckin Hunting Dogs but you just?? Started to rizz up and call JOUNO ur bbygorl?? He is seconds from slicing your head off but he gave up at this point.

Where you got that rose from 🤨

Why the fuck is romantic music playing 😐

You asked FUKUCHI himself to choke you and slam you against the wall. Not even an ounce of regret of fear.

Everyone officially is scared of you.

ANGO isn't free from this either, bitch. You'll strut into the room all happy to talk for a mission and all but ... uhh. "So you're from the Special Division? I can't blame you then ... I feel as if I have something special going on for you."

ANGO, internally: iamnotasimp- iamnotasimp- iamnotasimp-

Sadly, he is now a simp.

The fact his face turns so red is not unnoticed by you. You laugh, clowning everyone you literally rizzed up no joke. They're so in love with ur pretty/handsome/hot ass 😔

No one is free. If you find a pretty bird, ask it's hand for marriage. There is no other way but that.

Mk but the way you literally hit on AKUTAGAWA do be funny. Bitch is so oblivious, he just thinks you're another certain blonde hair slaying bitch 😳

By the time he actually knows you're rizzing him up by being more direct about your advances, he is questioning life.

But bcz you're SOO close to DAZAI maybeee we can ...

Work sumn out, you know? heh

One day the mafia just be chilling and BOOM heree comes the wh00000re~ hello wh000re~ welcome~ 😍

(i am so sorry if this offends someone it's a meme-)

Cue everyone sighing as you come in and start your daily routine which is rizzing. You'll be caressing KOUYOU's cheek, talking to CHUUYA with that sexy ass deep voice, whispering in MORI's ear, and everytime you breathe the vine boom sound effect comes off.

Can't say they don't like it though. We all know we have some horny deviants lovestruck little cuties <3 but let's just say it's hard being here with those hoes 😔✌️

Yet most especially,

You.

*bites lip* (i am sorry.)

#bungou stray dogs #bsd x reader #crack #shitpost #bsd shitpost #hunting dogs bsd #port mafia #armed detective agency #rizz lord #idk what im doing #bruh wtf #anyways #hope you like <3 #decay of angels #everyone x reader

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osachiyo · 6 months

Note

"hey bro how's it going" you say to chuuya before turning over to gin being all " how are you my love? Did you sleep well?" As he stares in disbelief JZBSJK

"what's good, bro," you nodded at chuuya, who spit his coffee out at your words. "wha− what did you just call me?!" he snarled, standing up from his comfortable seat on the sofa in sheer disbelief. really, bro?

you tilted your head, confused as to why he was acting up like this. "dude, what do you mean?" you furrowed your eye brows, still clueless to his utter frustration.

"again! I'm not your bro− or dude!" he groaned, scoffing at the look of realization settling on your face. "oh shit− chuuya, it was an accident I swear!" you pouted, trying not to let your lips twitch upawards, as it would only upset him more.

"ugh, it's whatever, I guess," he sighed, pulling you over to the couch and into his arms. "just don't let it happen again, okay doll?" he warned, the frown lifting from his lips when you cuddled closer to him− your head resting on his chest.

"of course, whatever you say, dawg−OUCHOUCHIUCH−!!"

#he pinched u st the end btw #i swear its not abuse #chuuya x reader #bsd x reader #bsd x reader fluff #౨ৎ — chuuya・#chuuya fluff #౨ৎ — archive・#bsd fluff #chuuya x reader fluff #bsd drabbles #bsd crack #bsd x reader crack #chuuya.nakahara

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saelique · 2 months

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soooo I saw a post b4 abt dazai wakin u up at midnight to tell u abt fnaf & it got me thinkin. . .

what if u randomly had enough of dis n decided to wake him up or to interrupt him to tell him about the plot abt ur fav game ? >:D

“babe, wake up, I still haven’t finished telling you about the plot.” dazai shook your shoulder, waking you up. “so, this guy ends up-“ he starts, only to be interrupted by you clamping a hand over his mouth, successfully shutting him up. “osamu, it’s my turn now.” you groggily say, sighing, getting up from your former resting to position to look down at him. “what do you mean by-“ “have you ever heard of white space ?” you raise a eyebrow, at the same time blinking quickly to try and rid the exhaustion you were feeling right now. “what do you mean by that ?” perfect. he hasn’t heard of this yet. “well, it all began when a little boy named sunny-“

#SOBS #IDK WHERE DAT POST WENT D:#bsd x reader #dazai x reader #dazai #bungo stray dogs x reader #dazai bsd #bsd crack #bsd x f! Reader #Bsd x Fem reafer #bsd x you #dazai x reader crack #Crack #౨ৎ⋆˚｡⋆ 📔 : novels !

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aeshiiteiru · 11 months

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I’m so sorry if this make you uncomfortable or this is stupid😔 but i would like to request when s/o slaps tecchou, chuuya and Dazai’s ass

My Peach!

— s/o slaps their butt ft. O. Dazai, N. Chuuya, S. Tetchou

— Warnings & Notes

sfw? | Crack

|| It was quite fun to write! I didn’t feel uncomfortable with it at all! It was a very funny and interesting request so thank you! I hope you like it and sorry for the long wait. I didn’t know how to approach it at first because none of my previous ideas was good enough, but here we are! As you can see, with each character the story got longer lmao

|| Gn! Reader, Pre-established relationship in Dazais’ part, lots of mentions regarding their butts, Thicc Tetchou, Door flat Dazai, Nice average Chuuya!

m.list | writing rules

— Dazai

It wasn't often that the ADA office experienced a calm day. So it's understandable that you felt annoyed when your disruptive and bothersome coworker entered and started creating havoc in the workplace. As you turned to face Kunikida, you could already see the outraged-induced exceptionally visible vein on his forehead. Dazai started toward his workspace but stopped mid-step as he moved toward Kunikida. You were already annoyed when he bragged, "Kunikida-kun, you'll never believe what happened today! I nearly convinced that lovely, elegant waitress from the café below to commit double suicide with me! Can you believe it? It's the best day of my life!" He clapped, making you even angrier. Hearing these things repeatedly made you envious because you really liked him. Particularly given that he never paid attention to you or expressed the same level of interest in you as he did with all these other women, leaving you with the impression that you are either not his type or that you are too uninteresting for him. You and Kunikida both had to give up after listening to his blathering for another five minutes, so you got up and walked over to him. Simply following him while listening to him speak until he notices you. Kunikida, who was about to strike his annoying coworker, yelled, "Dazai, this is highly inappropriate; stop it right away!", but Dazai wasn’t having any of it, he only continued. “But how can I?! She is like an angel! Who knows, maybe I'll be able to have some fun before we pass away together! I mean, she has such a decent as-" Suddenly the room became quiet. There was only a loud slapping noise that rang in everyone's ears and caught everyone's attention. Dazai turned to face you in shock. With a hurt look on your face, you were clinging to your hand. Still unable to believe it actually happened, searching for clarification, he asked, "Did- did you just slap my ass?". "Uh, no doubt, and I unquestionably regret it; it's so flat I think I broke my hand, and with such a flat ass, I'm sure that waitress won't do anything with you.", you mumbled as you walked back to your desk.

Your words clearly gave him a little ego-bruise.

Everyone was laughing, and even Kunikida had a small grin on his face. Dazai unquestionably recognized you, even if you slightly damaged your hand in the process, Dazais' interest was piqued after the impromptu mission was completed.

— Chuuya

You were walking down a hallway inside the administrative building of the port mafia.' It was an ordinary day for everyone. No major obligations, no appointments, and surprisingly little communication from your significant other. The plan was for Chuuya to meet you in the hallway. He forgot his lunch and asked you to buy him something, and as the amazing partner you were, how could you possibly let him starve? So, with some goodies in one hand and your phone in the other, you roamed around, waiting for him to show up. Periodically, you checked your phone to see if he had texted you with an update on his location or expected arrival time. You soon noticed a very slight vibration in your hand. The onset of a massage. Chuuya.

—Come on, doll, I'm in my office. —

You smiled softly at the pet name, though you were a little irritated that he hadn't told you about it earlier. A few subordinates greeted you as you passed them on the way to his office out of respect as you moved forward. The closer you got to his office as you made your way down the hallway, the louder it grew. Chuuya regularly yelled insults at everything. Occasionally, you would want to clean his mouth with soap after he fell asleep. In any case, you quickly knocked on the wooden door while you waited for him to cool off and quietly say, "Come in."

You welcomed him as you opened the door with a tepid smile on your face. "I got you lunch, my love. You seem to be quite stressed, so I thought maybe we could eat together.", you noted as you walked inside, closing the door behind you. In order to meet you halfway, he only scoffed before rising from his chair. “My subordinates give me reports that sound like they're written by five-year-olds. Let's not even begin to dwell on the stress that goes with it.", he sighed, and all you did was smile softly and extend your arms to embrace him. With a warm embrace, he hugged you tightly and accepted the closure with clemency. He was completely exhausted."I swear, I'll blow up this place if another person comes here and sends back such a horrifying report.", he murmured into your shoulder before releasing your hold and turning to return to his desk. Your hand had already landed on his butt before you even considered it. You enthusiastically exclaimed, "I'm sure you'll be fine!". However, soon after, your boyfriend let out a yelp and turned to look at you with a bewildered expression, which made you realize something isn't right. Only after trying to make connections did you look down and notice that your hand was on his butt. You just smacked your boyfriend in the behind. You quickly retrieved your hand with a gasp, now looking back at him in shock. You tried to apologize and say, "I'm so sorry; I don't know why I did that!," but what was done was done. He feigned coughing as he attempted to gather himself and cover up the faint blush that had crept up his cheeks. “It’s…fine.” He replied, turning around so you wouldn't see how embarrassing it was for him, "Let's just act like this never happened, and don't you dare tell anyone about it!". He actually liked it. Even though he would never tell you, he enjoyed it.

— Tetchou

You were in the office with other hunting dogs. There was no need to leave, but there was a lot of paperwork on that day. Everything was going as usual, Teruko was annoying Tachihara, who was just trying to get his shit done, while Jouno was very close to throwing your boyfriend out the window for another stupid thing he said. Everything would’ve been fine, if not for the fact you couldn’t concentrate on work at all. It all started when you and your boyfriend Tetchou were at home getting ready for work. You really needed to grab something from the bathroom, but what you didn’t know was that your boyfriend was just finishing his shower. So, it was clear that once you entered the bathroom you were met with a little confused Tetchou who was drying his hair with a towel. Obviously, since he was using his towel to dry his hair, his whole body was exposed. That’s when you noticed how juicy and nice his butt was. Honestly, you felt quite jealous after seeing it. But that brings you to the present moment, sitting at your desk, shamelessly staring at your boyfriends' ass at work. It was very obvious, so Teruko and Tachihara very quickly noticed it and as the troublemakers they were, they shouted in Tetchous' direction, snitching on you. He only turned around, taking a look at you with confusion. “Y/n, why are you staring at my butt? Do I have something on there?”, he asked, taking a look at his own butt to answer his own question. You on the other hand got embarrassed after being called out like this. You sent a threatening stare in Teruko and Tachiharas' direction, but they didn’t even notice it, too busy laughing at this situation. Jouno was making gagging noises, showing pure disgust on his face at what he heard. “Keep that behind closed doors, pervert.”, he commented, making you even more embarrassed. Tetchou took a look at you again and made his way to your desk. You didn’t even have time to react before he stood next to you, leaning down to face you. “You’re all red, are you alright? Do you have a fever?”, he asked, seeming concerned. This only made you facepalm. How can someone be this oblivious to everything. “You know, I don’t mind you looking. I mean, you are my s/o, if you’re into that I’m fine with it.”, he tried to reassure you, but each word made it even worse. Everyone thought you were a pervert now. The worst thing was that you still couldn’t help yourself but take a peak at his butt when he turned around to look at Jouno who judged everyone severely. Before you could rethink it, you gave in to your desires and gave his butt a nice, hard slap. That shocked everyone, including you. Teruko and Tachihara immediately stopped laughing, looking at you in disbelief. Jouno was even more disgusted, if that was even possible. The slap was so powerful that he could hear it and connect the dots. Tetchou only turned around to look at your surprised expression, looking absolutely clueless. “…dear, did you just…spank me? What was the reason?”, he asked, awaiting your explanation. You just stared at him, it was as if time stopped, only the feeling of his soft, juicy ass lingering on your hand from the slap. You just wanted to squeeze his butt cheeks on the spot, but immediately rejected that idea. “It’s so nice, I couldn’t help myself. ”, you admitted, catching him off guard and making the troublemakers laugh at you harder than ever before. You knew that this event would be a lasting memory for you throughout your career, but you didn't care. You didn’t regret what you did and immediately planned doing it again once the two of you are in the comfort of your shared home.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs dazai #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd tetchou #chuuya x reader #dazai x reader #tetchou x reader #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #tetchou suehiro #bsd x reader #bsd crack #let’s start a go fund me for dazai to get a bbl

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sanest-bsd-delegate · 8 months

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𝗠𝗢𝗩𝗜𝗘𝗘𝗘𝗘 𝗡𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗘𝗘𝗘

Oneshot: Just one movie night with them [Dazai x reader x chuuya [pm era]] Genre: General fluff A/N: Cries →Masterlist

It was a calm and quiet evening at the Port Mafia, a rare occurrence considering the usual chaos that surrounded its parameter, but tonight, however, seemed to be a special night - a movie night. You had suggested the idea to Dazai and Chuuya, hoping that a peaceful evening together might bridge the gap between the two and that you three could hangout again.

The continuous missions had drained everyone out, and the best way to chill while having peace was having a movie night, or so you thought.

As dusk settled in, you found yourself in your own room, setting up a cozy movie-watching space. Pillows and blankets were across the floor, and a variety of snacks were artfully arranged on the coffee table which resisted at the side of the room. The room was dimly lit, creating an ambiance perfect for relaxation.

Dazai strolled in with his characteristic nonchalant grin, hands in his pockets. "Ah, my dear Y/N, what a splendid idea you've had. A movie night, how utterly delightful."

Chuuya followed shortly after, his hat slightly askew. He crossed his arms, eyeing the setup with a mix of curiosity and scepticism. "Hmph. You better not have chosen some sappy romance flick, or I'm out of here."

A sudden realisation hit Dazai and Chuuya as they both eyed each other, looking at you and then seeing each other again, as you stood akwardly with a bowl of popcorn in your arms waiting for the two to stop giving each other looks.

You chuckled, feeling a mix of nerves and questionability, as you break the silence, "Don't worry, Chuuya. I've picked a movie that I think we will enjoy."

Chuuya murmured something under his breath as he comes close to you, taking the bowl of popcorn you held, while he procedded to seat himself at the egde of the makeshift tent you made to watch the movie.

Nothing but silence engulfed the place as you sat down in the middle of the duo, Dazai on your right, and chuuya on your left.

As everything was finally settled down, you started the movie. Throughout the movie, you found yourself stealing glances at Dazai and Chuuya. Surprisingly, they seemed to be engaged, sharing amused smirks at the humorous moments.

A sudden jumpscare in the movie caused you to jump where you resisted, causing Dazai whose head laid on your lap sleeping to jolt awake.

Chuuya couldn't help but chuckle at the particularly scene, due to which, his drink came through his nose as you laughed your ass off, Dazai joining in, his laughter unexpectedly genuine. You smiled, feeling a sense of accomplishment in having a good time even if just for this moment.

As the movie progressed, Dazai's attention seemed to drift toward you. He leaned in, his voice a low murmur only you could hear. "You really do have a way of making the ordinary seem extraordinary, Y/N"

Raising your eyebrow slightly, you whispered back, "Says the one who was asleep for like what? half the movie"

Chuuya, ever observant, shot a glance in your direction, his eyes narrowing playfully. "Hey, you two better not be having a secret conversation over there."

Dazai leaned back, feigning innocence. "Oh, Chuuya, just admiring Y/N's taste in movies."

"Says the one who sleeps throughout it"

You and Chuuya look at each other as you spoke at the same time, as Dazai held his stupid smile, before grabbing the bowl of popcorn from Chuuya only for Chuuya to hold it down with gravity.

You burst out in laughter as Dazai hits the floor, only to realise Dazai never touched the bowl, he slipped over the blanket you had laid at the floor.

As the movie neared its end, you couldn't help but notice the comfortable atmosphere that had settled in. Dazai's carefree charm and Chuuya's gruff exterior seemed to have mellowed in each other's presence.

You lay your head on Chuuya's shoulder, while Dazai tried to sleep on your lap, only for him to pull you away from Chuuya, and making you rest your head on his chest.

"What the fuck bastard-"

"uh ahu uh"

You removed yourself from Dazai's arm before you started to tickle him, and surprisingly, Dazai was a very tickable person.

You and Chuuya gave each other a silent nod, as you head Dazai's leg, while Chuuya held Dazai's arm, before throwing him on the bed and grabbing the nearest pillow, hitting Dazai with the most force you could do.

"That's-" smack "what" smack "you" smack "get" smack "for" "ruining" smack "my time"

The movie was long forgotten, until a loud shriek was heard, only for you three to turn your head towards the TV screen which played the movie.

The credits rolled, as you three stretched lazily. Chuuya shot you a rare smile. "Well, Y/N, I must admit, this wasn't a bad idea. Thanks."

Dazai chimed in, his smile equally genuine. "Indeed, , you've managed to create an evening of unexpected harmony. It would be perfect if you-"

"Shut the fuck up you maniac"

"Says the one who-"

As the night wound down, you felt a sense of contentment. Even if this movie night had never served as a purpose in bridging the gap between Dazai and Chuuya, you had your fun. And even if it didn't change everything, it was a memory you would always cherish - a night of laughter, bonding, and the start of something new.

"OH MY GOD DAZAI CHUUYA'S GONNA KILL YOU WHEN HE WAKES UP"

A/N 2: Tossing screaming while writing this oneshot cause holy shit this image of chuuya flashed my mind

A/N 3: Not the recent episode but also i have 0 proofread this

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justcallmesakira · 3 months

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hihihihi AUGH i love ur work sm?!! omg if u can fyodor with a younger sister (she has the same level of intelligence of him and works in the doa and his organaization) who is dating dazai? :) I know there are some but i need crack and suggestive!!1

ty and er bye good luck take ur time!

"Fyodor with a sister dating Dazai''

Sypnosis: Your rat brother is anything but happy about the fact that you are dating his only enemy on earth! Good luck on surviving!!!

Genre: crack, suggestive at the end

Warnings: bombing, terrorizz, , mentions of maniupulative behaviour, mentions of verlaine, roblox radgoll, loads of simping words, me being down bad, making out (lol), your mom

A/N: my reqs are currently closed but ehhhh who cares lol also THIS WAS SO HARD TO WRITE HONESTLY- pls enjoy and reblog i tried my best--- *dies of mental ilness*

How bro-

JUST HOW DID U DO THAT W/O HIM BLASTING DAZAIS INTERNAL ORGANS? 🤯🤯🤯

No bcs fyodor did not even plan to let u meet dazai but ofcourse bcs of the dead apple tower and stuff and since then he had completly fallen inlove with you whether you are dostoevskys sister or not

He prob asked u to do a waltz with him in the mukokukokurokito or whatver the phuck that towers name was when you entered the castle with your brother

Fyodor WAS NOT happy because he saw the flirty glint in dazais eyes when u came

If looks cold kill-.. (KILL ME, RUSSIAN ZADD😍😍---)

And all you went was giggles and flirting back

Fyodor is prob gonna get his own medicine bcs they two are so like each other??? but he still couldnt believe how you with such high intelligence could fall for him???

(fyodor take your anemic medication first)

Dazai obv had some skeptics after you but like the manwhore he is and prob slept with the entierty of yokohama! ofc hes gonna court you as if you might not just use him!!!

Very (not) normal behaviour indeed!!

HELP YOU KNOW THAT ONE INDIAN RIZZLER VS. UWU CAT??? HES LITERLY THAT BUT

Dazai: "I fucked your sister she be screaming high pitch😈" fyodor: "What did you say, you little child i will crush your skull 😡😡😡should have known when i smile, I also play cello, i can be anything Уву"

that was UWU in russian btw-

But in all serious he will try maniupultaing you or gaslighting you into leaving dazai, he cant leave his only family to a man he does not trust! fyodor doesnt even trust himself-

fyodors gonna act a bit more colder then usual bcs of the fact HIS sister is dating someone and that someone is his enemy

Honeslty you go up to say chuuya whos like "why do i get deja vu-" *flashback to verlaine* you: "First time?"

But ofc since you are also extremely smart you somehow convinced him (after playing roblox radgoll with him for 8 hours) to let you atleast join date with dazai

I bet you rizzed up dazai by "He said his favourite colour was blue, so i blew him up😍💣"

*insert proud brother noises*

He speaks in russian or any slavic language whenever you three are in a gathering to mostly embarress dazai

I have seen some hcs on dazai being a collarbone biter so if you were off shoulder shirts and fyodor sees them by chance hes going to glare at you as if you are covered in mud :33

"Sister,,,what. is. that." *nasty side eye to the love bite on your neck*

Dazai 100% one time randomly pulled you into the alley and started aggresively making out with you with his hands literly sprawling all over your body like hes daddy long legs or sth-

Bcs HE KNEW that fyodor had cctv set in that part of the city and fyodor would be raging at the fact that the sluttiest man is touching his precious sister like that

bros gonna forgot abt human rights- oh wait hes russian

IF HE EVER CATCHES YOU TWO THO--

Like making out on some bed or sth hes actually no LIKE ACTUALLY GOING TO throw a whole ass cabinet at dazai with a face full of nothing but malice-

"How dare, an inhuman animal like you touch my very sister" "BRO CHILL I AM YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW--"

And your just trying to stop your brother from commiting murder even though that his hobby ^^

fyodor finally forgot he had anemia bcs now all his focus was to give dazai the most painful death know to the medieval period\

Good luck on stoping your brother from poking a fork in your lovers eye in family dinners!!

A/N: guys ik i am doing the valentines req pls be patient i am trying my best!! i have a relly bad mental health rn so yeahhh-

Divider crds!: @cafekitsune

tags! @silverbladexyz @biscuits-lovely-corner @riiwrites @heartsfourdazai @tojifile @atsquie @atlasnessie @chuuyasboner @yosanosboner @ruanais @darling--angst

#bungou stray dogs #sakira!#bsd #bsd x reader #dazai #dazai x reader #crack #bsd stuff #bsd hcs #fyozai x reader #fyodor x reader x dazai #fyodor with a sister #fyodor x sister reader #dazai fyodors sister #enemies and lovers #overprotective brothers #sakiras writing notebook!!!

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