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cuubism · 4 months

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A vignette from Silly Rabbit universe (jeez it's been a while). Part 1 of 3 interconnected scenes. [Explicit]

“You know, there’s an old saying about lying,” Hob remarked casually to Dream.

Dream was leaning against the bookshelf as Hob graded, looking far too self-satisfied. Earlier, Hob had told him about how a university administrator had come by to ask him if Morpheus was a student, to which Hob had responded with an emphatic no because as much as he wanted to let Dream have his fun, he wasn’t about to let people go around thinking he was fucking his students, Jesus Christ. Dream had pouted at first, though he understood.

Now, he was smirking, and that could not be good.

“I tell no lies,” Dream reminded him, “and I weave no webs, other than by providing the scaffolding for imagination. Your students – and colleagues – are simply creative.”

“Well, whatever you’re doing, let’s steer the rumors away from sexual harassment, if you don’t mind.” Hob could technically always fake his death, but he’d really really rather not have that be the cause.

He also really didn’t want to have to go back to grad school yet. Please, God.

“As you wish,” said Dream. “I have no desire to disturb your life.”

“I like having you disturb my life,” Hob said. “Upend it. Throw the table over.” As long as you stay. “There just has to be a limit somewhere.”

“I will plant more stories separating myself from this university,” Dream said, and Hob breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank you.”

“After all,” Dream continued, with a crafty smile, “there are plenty of other reasons a man such as yourself might be in possession of a lover who is… how did that student of yours phrase it? Young, pretty, and unemployed.”

Hob groaned. He could already see where this was going. “You’re only one of those things, Dream.”

“And as I have stated, I will not be obtaining a ‘job.’”

Hob threw a pen at him, which Dream caught with those supernatural reflexes of his.

“You should get a job. A human job,” Hob told him.

Dream’s lip curled in the most abject expression of disgust Hob had ever seen. “Why?”

“Because it would be funny. I want to walk into Starbucks in the morning and see you behind the counter glowering at some kid ordering a Pink Drink.”

“Ah, I exist for your amusement, then,” said Dream, leaning further back against the bookcase. “A court jester dancing about for tossed pennies.”

“Pretty much,” Hob agreed.

Hob expected him to pout, but instead, he smiled. It was not a smile that boded well for Hob. “Or perhaps… I am doing more than dancing for my coin.”

“What is this obsession with making me look like a sex fiend?” Hob demanded.

“If it is easily believable,” Dream said haughtily, “then that is hardly my fault.”

Hob blew out a long breath. “I’d almost think you wanted to destroy my reputation.”

“Perhaps I want you to myself,” mused Dream. “Perhaps I crave all your attention.”

“You have it.” Hob beckoned him over, and Dream uncurled himself from his slouch, stepping over and perching on the edge of Hob’s desk. “The moment you step into a room, you have it,” Hob said, looking up at him. “And all of my daydreams besides.”

Dream found his hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing each finger in turn. “Good.”

Hob meant to make some lighthearted retort about his sheer entitlement, but it was impossible to focus on it when Dream had his mouth on him, looking at him from under his eyelashes like that.

“You know,” Hob said instead, keeping his voice light purely through force of experience, “sometimes I think you haven’t actually given up on that bet that I’ll die, you’ve just decided that you want to be the cause of it.”

Dream grumbled in disagreement. “If you are choosing death, then I have been using my mouth very wrong.”

Hob should probably take his hand away from Dream’s mouth if he wanted to survive this conversation. He didn’t. “We should probably take this elsewhere.”

Dream, the absolute bastard, merely tugged Hob closer, pulling him off balance in his seat. “Must we? For I seem to recall a young vagabond who would have cheerfully bent me over a table in full view of the entire tavern, given the chance. Have you become so timid?”

“Nope,” Hob said, and, resigned to it now – or rather, gleefully allowing himself to be dragged into Dream’s fantasies, as usual – braced his hands on Dream’s hips. “Wouldn’t have. Even then, I wanted you all to myself.”

“You have it now,” Dream said. He hooked one long leg around Hob’s back to hold him close. “Will you let the locale stop you?”

“Oh, no, in fact, this is an enduring fantasy of mine,” Hob admitted. He slipped his hands under Dream’s shirt, feeling the sharp angles of his hips. “It’s just, we were talking not five minutes ago about avoiding getting fired for workplace misconduct.”

Dream merely looked at him expectantly.

Hob sighed and conceded, “Would probably be worth it.”

Dream’s eyes lit with victory as if he hadn’t known he would get exactly what he wanted from the start.

“This is a fantasy of yours?” Dream asked as Hob gave into temptation and pushed up his shirt, kissing his belly just above the waistband of his jeans.

“As if you don’t know,” Hob said.

“I know only what dreams you share with me,” Dream said, letting out a sigh as Hob kissed his way over to his hip bone. “I do not pry.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I don’t,” Dream insisted. He tugged on Hob’s hair in admonishment. “If your fantasies are obvious in the way you look at me, that is not my fault.”

“Are they that obvious?” Hob asked as he worked on unbuttoning Dream’s jeans. He couldn’t help but be charmed by the thought, even if it was another strike towards getting fired for inappropriate workplace behavior.

Dream smiled. “At times. But you have never been one to hide your feelings. And it is flattering.”

“‘Course it’s flattering. Sponge for compliments you are.” Hob wondered idly how obvious his thoughts on Dream had been over the many years of their meetings. Wondered if Dream had seen them, and simply decided not to address them — or hadn’t let himself see it at all.

“I suppose,” Dream agreed idly, as he dragged a hand through Hob’s hair, disheveling it, scratching his scalp with sharp fingernails. “Does that make you a font of compliments, then?”

“Or just a born simp, as the kids put it.”

“I did overhear a student say as much,” Dream admitted, and Hob laughed, pressing his forehead to Dream’s stomach.

“God I’m so obvious. Did you know I actually had a professional reputation, once upon a time? Properly professional Professor Gadling, I was once.”

“I do not doubt it,” said Dream, in an overly indulgent tone. “You have been wholly professional and respectable, always. And certainly never a charming bandit swindling your way into pockets and pants.”

“Charming, eh?” Hob grinned up at Dream, not missing the irony that he was currently mid way through getting into Dream’s pants. “Now you’re making me regret not making a proper pass at you back then.”

“I would have smote you where you sat for the audacity.”

“Nah. You liked me too much for that, I could tell.”

“Like an unusual bug I had found in the grass,” Dream conceded.

“On that flattering note.” Hob finally got Dream’s jeans properly undone, and pressed his nose to Dream’s pelvis, breathing in with a satisfied hum. Sometimes, Dream smelled of nothing at all in the waking world, like he had forgotten to apply that layer to his ‘human’ skin. Sometimes, he smelled like strange and impossible things, echoing dream scents that would never linger so long on a real, physical body.

Today, he smelled properly human, sweat and musk and Hob’s body wash.

“Are you doing that on purpose?” Hob asked, voice muffled by Dream’s body.

“Am I doing what?”

“You smell good.”

“Ah.” Dream pet Hob’s hair. “Perhaps.”

“Yeah, perhaps. I’m onto you.” He pulled Dream’s jeans down to his upper thigh; Dream obligingly wiggled on the desk to let them free, which was far cuter than it had any right to be. “You’re such a tease.”

“I enjoy when you want me,” said Dream, softer now. And Hob’s heart ached, but in a sweet way, a gentle way.

“You hardly have to work for it,” he said.

He took Dream in his mouth, then, and set to showing him just how much he was wanted.

Dream spread his legs wider on the desk, leaning back, letting out a long sigh of pleasure. Hob loved him like this—loose, indulgent, enjoying himself. Dream didn’t indulge himself enough.

And really, there was nothing Hob loved more than indulging him.

He worked Dream’s cock, licking over him and taking him deeper in increments. Dream’s moan above him was the greatest reward. Hob had had lots of time by now to learn, to get very good at drawing his pleasure out. A most valuable skill, to get Dream’s thighs shaking and his hands clutching tight to Hob’s hair, breathing in deep though he didn’t need to, relishing in the simple illicit pleasure of Hob sucking him off in the middle of the work day.

And Hob loved it, too. The taste of him, and the experience of his enjoyment.

Soon enough Dream’s hips were twitching up, and he came in Hob’s mouth with a long sigh. Hob swallowed him down, and remained there for a few lingering moments, Dream’s prick softening on his tongue, until Dream squirmed from overstimulation and Hob let him go.

He was terribly hard in his trousers, but wanting Dream was its own pleasure to relish in. “Dearest Hob,” murmured Dream, a glint of mischief lighting through the haze of his expression as he pet Hob’s hair. “Should I leave you like that? Wanting, and knowing that I await you at home as you finish your day?”

Hob shivered, but said, “More like go about your work and rematerialize at home once I get there. Don’t pretend like you’ll be tormenting yourself, too.”

“Mmm,” said Dream, “but I could.”

Hob sat up straighter. “Could you? Would you really make yourself wait?”

“Perhaps you will have to find out.”

“How am I supposed to know if you’ve really been good?”

“Hmm,” said Dream. It was a challenge now. “I will show you.”

He vanished, leaving a scattering of sand on Hob’s desk. A few moments later Hob received what he could only describe as a vision, a daydream of Dream lying in their bed, nothing but a pair of lace panties on, idly playing with himself through the fabric with one hand as he read a paperback book with the other. He knew it was really Dream, the image was too crisp to be a creation of Hob’s mind. Apparently, being also all daydreams Dream could make himself into one. Damn creature.

Hob groaned, pressing the heel of his hand hard against his erection before forcing himself to stop. He did have to teach, after all, though he knew Dream was going to be holding that image in his head all day.

Indeed, an impression of Dream’s voice floated to him.

Work hard today, beloved.

Oh, he’d be in for it later.

If Hob survived the workday.

#silly rabbit au #dreamling #dream of the endless #hob gadling #nsft #my writing

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sungbeam · 11 months

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𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐖 — 01

part one: heaven only knows where you've been

nonidol!lee sangyeon x fem!reader

2.1k words, est. relationship au, fluff, romance, swear words, low-key just ooey-gooey, proposal au; sangyeon knows that you're the one, and he's ready to run headfirst into forever with you.

a/n: this was supposed to be a full oneshot LMAO but i'm trying to see if people like it enough for me to continue (_ _;) the motivation has been very low lately y'all

IT was the summer after his senior year of university that Lee Sangyeon knew he was going to marry you.

He was among the few out of your big group of mutual friends to graduate this year, and instead of a high school-esque grad party, all of you decided to book rooms at one of the fancy ass hotels downtown and live like royalty for a weekend.

It had been in the maknaes' room that everyone gathered round to play a game of One Night Werewolf, armchairs and desk chairs and pillows dragged over toward the couch in the living room of their suite. Jacob's phone sat in the center of the glass coffee table, silenced now that the round had ended in an explosion of disbelief.

"NOOOOO!"

"I knew it! I fucking knew it—"

"I cannot believe she pulled a Chanhee."

All of the commotion was directed toward you, who sat innocently on the couch, squeezed between Jacob's and Younghoon's partners. Your cheeks were flushed and your skin glowed with a beautiful, warm flush, your grin lighting up the room. Victory sang loudly in your eyes, and goddamn, if Sangyeon didn't find you so alluringly attractive even if you just fooled the entire group to win the game.

You could only shrug, fiddling with your Tanner card. Even your inherent modesty couldn't suppress the smile on your face. You tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. "Look, you guys know I can't lie to save my life," you said, "so this one's on you for just assuming I was a werewolf."

Sunwoo and Eric grumbled their reluctant agreement, followed by everyone else.

Sangyeon didn't know what it was about you tonight—or rather, you every night, every minute of every day—but if he could spend the rest of his life chasing that beautiful smile, then he could die a happy man. There was something so attractive about the simple, yet genius way you knew how to manipulate your own weaknesses into a strength, to wield it like a blade. It was effortless.

Changmin was groaning again, bickering back and forth with Chanhee about "influencing your tactic", mainly because Chanhee had committed a similar act to you in the very first round (except, Chanhee was actually a very skilled liar, unlike you). Somebody was going around collecting everyone's cards to shuffle up and start up a new game, and in the midst of all the madness, you felt a pair of eyes on you.

You turned your head, mid-laugh, and met Sangyeon's pair of shining crescent moons. Your posture and gaze softened, but your smile widened. It had been three years (and counting) since he first asked you out, since he asked you to be his. He'd been relatively quiet this round, and so you mouthed to him with your head tilted to the side, 'Everything okay?'

A smile pressed into his cheeks. 'Everything's perfect.'

It wasn't until two years later that Sangyeon announced to Jacob and Kevin that he was going to propose. The three of them had been hanging out at Kevin's place watching a baseball game on TV, their bodies lounging on recliners with drinks in their hands.

Kevin fell completely out of his chair at the news, while Jacob's eyes went comically wide. "FINALLY!" Kevin squawked from the floor, grunting as he hauled himself back up into his chair while massaging his sore backside with a grimace.

Sangyeon raised his eyebrows, reaching up to cup the back of his neck. "What's that supposed to mean?" He laughed nervously. Had you said something to Kevin before?

Kevin deadpanned at him. "Dude, respectfully, if you weren't going to wife her up anytime soon, I was gonna do it for you!"

Sangyeon's mouth opened to retort, quite furiously, he might add—but Jacob wisely put both his hands up to physically step in for damage control.

"What he meant to say," Jacob said with a pointed look at a sheepish Kevin, "was that we are very happy for you, hyung. When's it happening?"

Ah. Well… Sangyeon winced to himself, knocking back a bit of alcohol. "Okay, I don't have all the details worked out—"

Kevin slapped his hand to his forehead. "You don't even have the ring, do you?"

"No—"

Even Jacob covered his mouth. "He doesn't even have the ring."

With a melodramatic whimper, Kevin shook with a feigned sob. "If you liked it, then you should've put a ring on it."

Sangyeon sighed, eyes rolling up to the ceiling. To be honest, he thought telling Jacob and Kevin first was the smart choice, but then again, if he went to any of his friends and told them that he didn't have the ring yet, then he'd receive reactions similar to this one. Even if he went to their partners, he might get smacked around. It was simply the fate of being the eldest.

Moreover, he had only just decided he was going to propose to you. You graduated a year after him, and now you both had stable jobs. The two of you had moved in together awhile ago, but it was only at this very moment that Sangyeon let his mind wander to the "next step". Coming home to you every evening and waking up to you every morning had become his status quo, one that he was infinitely blessed with. He couldn't imagine starting and ending his days with anyone else, and perhaps both you and him had been so busy lately that neither of you could really sit down and talk about beyond.

Sure, the topic of marriage and kids had come up at some point. Sangyeon had even seen a glimpse of your wedding Pinterest board once, and you even knew the exact way he wanted to renovate your future home together. And two kids—you both wanted two kids and a dog.

Okay, so maybe the topic hadn't just come up. But it was about time that the ball kept rolling, no matter how much Sangyeon wanted to take his time with you. A part of him couldn't wait to get to 'forever' with you. No, all of him couldn't wait, not anymore.

The next day, Sangyeon went ring shopping with Kevin and Jacob in tow. Both of the latter's partners were also told to be close to their phones to give their opinions on each design choice.

Sangyeon had never thought about the ring. There were vague options that cycled through each imagined proposal concocted in his head, but none of them had stuck. It had to be perfect, though, that was all he knew and the very thing stuck at the front of his brain as he and his friends hopped from jeweler to jeweler.

Three hours, six shops, and two iced Americanos (each) later, Sangyeon hunched over a case of diamond-topped white gold bands. He wasn't very optimistic at this point, and even Jacob and Kevin had wandered over to a different section of the store to try on bracelets.

Sangyeon's eyes swept over the vast sea of sparkling jewels, each more radiant than the last. They were all either too expensive, too cheesy, or just not the one. There was also the option of going with a rock that wasn't diamond, but Sangyeon always drew himself toward the diamond section, unwilling to look anywhere else.

From his pants pocket, his phone buzzed the familiar ringtone he had set for your specific call. He dragged a hand down his face, but he couldn't help the soft, happy sigh from his mouth as he picked up. "Hey, baby. What's up?"

He nestled his phone between his ear and shoulder as he continued to judge the rows of rings in the case below.

"Love, I'm picking up dinner!" Your voice came out in sharp, strained huffs as if you were running and trying to catch your breath. "Almost missed… almost missed the train! Whoo—holy shit, I'm out of shape," you hissed.

Sangyeon chuckled when he heard you curse again and yell at someone to hold the door for you. Only when you were safely on and vocally announced that you had your butt in a seat, did he reply. "Glad you made it."

"Me too," you panted. "This is why I don't go to the gym; this is so embarrassing."

"I thought you don't go to the gym because you'd just stare at me the whole time," he teased, the corner of his lips lifting into a smirk.

You stammered on the other end of the line. "You're—you can't just say that to me in public."

He laughed a little more at that, eyes flickering around him to make sure no one was giving him a glare in the quiet shop. His attention swiftly went back to the jewel case with his eyebrows creased together. This time, however, his eyes caught the glint of one ring in particular. It was one of the many diamonds seated upon white gold bands, but this one was cut in a marquise style: a slim oval at the center with smaller diamonds branching out to create a sort of floral shape around it. There was something so simple, yet elegant about its look.

Sangyeon felt his heart leap in his chest. This one. This was the one.

"—Sangyeon? Honey, you there?"

He cleared his throat, his eyes searching the store for a sales clerk and curling his fingers toward him to signal him to come over. From the corner of his eyes, he spied Jacob and Kevin catch on and begin to make their way over, too. "Yea—yeah," he grappled, "sorry, babe, thought I saw something. What were you saying?"

He licked his lips, straightening, and grabbing the phone with his non-dominant hand so he could point out the ring to the three others surrounding him.

Jacob and Kevin could hardly contain their squeals as they grinned at each other, their hands slamming together so they could grab each other and shake the other's body.

"Oh, uh, nothing. You were just quiet for a bit… where are you, by the way? Should I wait to get dinner?"

Sangyeon mouthed, 'This one' to the sales clerk, furiously jabbing his pointer finger down at the glass case. "Uh," he winced, palm coming to his forehead as he racked his brain for a sensible answer, "I'm out with Kev and Cobie right now, but I'll be home in time for dinner. I'm okay with anything you're craving."

The sales clerk quietly retrieved the ring from the glass case, the diamonds glinting like rainbows in the shop's lighting. Sangyeon's eyes went wide as he gently took the ring in his fingers and inspected the piece.

It was gorgeous. Holy shit.

"Kev and Cobie?" You parroted. "Oh, say hi to them for me! And I'll just grab something from the Thai place down the street."

"Sounds great, baby." Sangyeon bit down hard on his lower lip as he broke into a wide, almost hysterical grin. He mouthed to the jeweler your ring size, a number he had memorized for an embarrassingly long time now. After handing the ring back over, he turned slightly away from everyone so he could finally focus on you. "Sorry, I've been a little distracted, but did you have a good day?"

He could hear the sounds of the train's robotic lady voice announcing the stop for home. Shuffling from your end, then, "That's okay," you chirped, your voice growing soft as you walked further away from hustle and bustle, and closer to the quieter street your apartment complex was on. "I know you were probably busy when I called. My day was okay, but I just—" you sighed as a door thumped closed, "—I'm just happy to be home now. Can't wait to see you."

Sangyeon could feel the tug in his chest, as if the connection between you two was pulling him, urging him home to you. "Can't wait to see you, too, Yn," he replied softly. He knocked his knuckles against one of the glass cases. "Tell you what? If you place the order, I'll just pick the food up on my way home, how's that sound? You should just rest, love."

There was another door slam on your end. "I love you," you breathed in relief.

His heart sputtered in his chest, a small laugh falling from his lips. "You know I love you more."

He could hear the smile in your voice. "This isn't a competition, Mr. Lee."

"Who said I'd ever want to compete with you?" He mused. "But just so you know, I do love you the most."

tbz m.list | possible part two?

permanent taglist: @crazywittysassy @seomisaho @stopeatread @enhacolor @rnjfy @jaehunnyy @kpopjackie @spiderrenjunfics @soobin-chois @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l @mingiholic @ja4hyvn @vatterie @yogurteume @hyunjaespresent-deobi @justalildumpling @hongyangi @pxppxrmint @nerdypastacalzonespy @jcmdoll @zhaixiaowen @wtfhyuck @winterchimez @sodafy @fluorescentloves @tinkerbell460 @kflixnet

#kflixnet #deoboyznet #the boyz x reader #lee sangyeon x reader #sangyeon x reader #the boyz drabble #the boyz oneshots #the boyz imagines #the boyz fluff #the boyz scenarios #the boyz fanfic #lee sangyeon oneshots #lee sangyeon imagines #lee sangyeon drabbles #lee sangyeon fluff

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 2 years

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Barry takes his glasses off and presses the heels of his hands against his eyes. He’s been staring at his computer for far too long today. The computer in question sits on the couch next to him, screen obscenely bright in his dim living room.

He’d been ignoring the emails that infiltrated his inbox with growing frequency and urgency, all of them riddled with subject lines like “Payment Plans for Upcoming Semester,” and “Payment Due Soon,” and “Seriously, You Owe Us Tens of Thousands of Dollars and We Aim to Collect.” You know, normal stuff.

He’d always figured that actually doing the coursework would be the hardest part of grad school, not figuring out how to fund it without owing his soul and first-born child to the federal government. But the fact of the matter is that he’s reached a dead end; most of everything his mom left him was used to pay off his undergrad loans some years back. His university has mentioned scholarships and work study but he’s convinced the scholarships are a myth and also his university declined to mention that the work study they offer doesn’t actually pay him in money, rather they just pay for three course credits. Don’t get him wrong, that’s better than nothing but that doesn’t help pay his rent or buy textbooks.

Once again he mourns the fact that the only applied arcane theory program that accepted him just had to be a private university many states away.

He returns his glasses to his face and pulls his laptop closer to him. He’s about three modules into his ten-module long loan counseling. It’s basically an online program that explains in excruciating detail just how deeply the federal government has his future in their pocket. “Oh, hey Barry! If you Ever fall behind on your loans, we can garnish your wages that already probably won’t be able to pay for a studio apartment in Neverwinter and also you’ll be paying these back for anywhere from ten to twenty five years! You also cannot declare bankruptcy because you live in hell!! Only way to get off the hook for these is if your school shuts down before you get your degree or you die! Now sign on the dotted line after you hyperventilate a little when you look at just how much money you’re going to be responsible for!”

The whole process makes his stomach hurt; there’s no good reason education should be this much. He’s going to be saddled with loans worth more than any yearly salary he could hope to have and now he’s gotta pay them back or die.

Wait.

He rereads the loan forgiveness terms. “If your loan servicer receives acceptable documentation of your death, your federal student loans will be discharged,” he reads to himself. He's got it.

He lets loose a laugh that borders on maniacal and roots around for his phone. It rings once before someone picks up on the other end.

“Lup!” He whoops.

“Bear? What’s up? You sound extremely excitable right now.”

“Okay, remember when you wanted to get married for tax benefits?”

“I do! I also remember you turned me down because you didn’t want to our marriage to be for convenience.”

Barry laughs to himself. “Yeah, I still stand by that.”

“You sap,” she sighs fondly.

“Well, I think I found a way to scam the federal government through a loophole.”

“Gods I love when you talk dirty to me!”

“We can talk more when you come home but I can almost promise you neither of us are paying off our student loans.”

“Barry, I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about and I can’t wait to hear your devious plan. Love you!”

“Love you.” He clicks end on the call and looks around for his theoretical necromancy notes from a few semesters ago.

#taz #taz balance #blupjeans #barry bluejeans #lup #reese writes #the adventure zone #listen sometimes you decide to become a lich to dodge your student loans #i was doing fafsa shit earlier and uh well. here you go djfbdjfjsjdbsj

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checkoutmybookshelf · 6 months

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Graduate or Die

I'm not here to talk about specific books, but I do want to talk a bit about a trope (although ngl, I am SO tempted to call this a setting rather than a trope) that has been slowly evolving and getting popularized in books. Graduate or die is, generally speaking, applicable when a story is set in a school or college or training center and once you are accepted, you can only leave by surviving and graduating...or dying.

Yes, this is basically exactly what it says on the tin.

But I'm a bit intrigued by this spin on school fiction because as far as I'm aware, this is a recent development. Previous school stories didn't tend to be quite this deadly, and I'm seriously wondering if some of this is stemming from the shift in how North American (and let's be real, primarily US) schools are perceived by students. Given the massive rise in school shootings, is it any wonder that there might be more of an interest in stories where schools are no longer the safe-ish spaces they used to be in literature? Even literature like A Separate Peace, which focuses on a death in a school, doesn't have the graduate or die aspect. Phineas's death is a tragedy tied up in a metric boatload of guilt about culpability and intentions, but neither Gene nor Phineas EXPECTS to die going into school, and they don't expect a certain number of their classmates not to survive.

But that is very much the reality that Ikenna, Violet, and El walk into at the Praetorian Academy, Basgiath War College, and the Scholomance, respectively. They expect their classmates to die, are well aware they could die, and there really isn't a whole hell of a lot to do other than survive.

I feel like I'm just describing The Hunger Games with extra steps here, but there is a different feel to graduate or die stories than there was to the dystopian genre Suzanne Collins popularized. Possibly what I'm getting from at least Violet and Ikenna is a distinctly "grad school" feel. These protagonists aren't teenagers, these books aren't YA. Vi and Ikeena are grown-ass women who made choices and have specific, concrete goals in a way that Katniss never really did. Even El lacks some of the YA flailing, and I think that's from the structure of a school setting. It's much harder to flail around and be lost when you have teachers and a library RIGHT THERE.

I'm interested to see if the graduate or die mini boom expands at all and can actually be tied to a reaction to all the gun violence in schools and universities or if this is just a bit of a fluke. We shall have to see, and if anyone has any additional thoughts on this, please reblog with them!

#graduate or die #literary tropes #a separate peace #the blood trials #fourth wing #a deadly education #books and reading #books & libraries #books and novels #books #literary criticism

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antiterf · 2 years

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T has helped me to the point where I could train myself to no longer have suicidal thoughts and where anti depressants actually help with my anxiety and depression. My dysphoria has gotten a lot better basically.

But I still feel like that'd go down the drain if I had to carry a pregnancy. Between needing to go off T, the incredible influx of hormones, swelling breasts, the obvious feeling of my reproductive organs, dealing with doctors around pregnancy when I'm legally a man, and a whole bunch of other shit that doesn't even relate back to gender, I think I'd very possibly become suicidal again. 9 months isn't short, and I can literally not escape from the stress at that point.

So even if I no longer have periods and haven't for years, even if I get an IUD, even if I use protection, the risk of getting pregnant in a state that doesn't allow or restricts abortion access isn't an option for me.

Before I was wary about what state to go to grad school for, now I just cross them off the list. It's not worth it. I'm not willing to risk a downward spiral into possible suicidal ideation for someone to coinhabit my body.

When I respond to "would you ever want to get pregnant" with "I'd rather die" I could literally mean it for all I know.

#notaterftip #not sarcasm #suicide mention

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whentherewerebicycles · 2 years

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god okay I feel like I am on firm ground at last. welcome to my public diary where I must process everything aloud! but I will put it behind the cut.

here’s where my head is at re: the job…

I feel WAY better about the work after the second interview and follow-up conversation. the first interview left me with the impression that it was going to be kinda dull training work, whereas the second one made it clear that it’s actually a lot of fairly high-level design work that I think I am going to find very interesting. seems like it’ll be 1/3rd independent research and learning module design assignments, 1/3 direct one-on-one coaching or group facilitation work, and 1/3 higher-level planning & design work to build out learning and development infrastructure for a new government organization. they are also in the middle of a major restructuring/launch of a new org and they kept saying they really wanted me to feel like I could propose ideas and have a lot of room to create new stuff and establish priorities for the role, which is nice to hear.

they really liked me!!! and seemed to value my skillset. this is not crucial to the decision-making calculus lol but I feel like one thing that is frustrating about working at the same place where you were a grad student is that you are sort of forever a grad student in everyone’s eyes, no matter how long you’ve been out of grad school. I am excited to get to work in a different field with people who will only have known me as a professional.

they made it clear that they are willing and eager to spend $$$ on any professional development trainings or certifications I want to pursue. I am making a LIST!!!! like I badly want to get official training/certification in coaching and I want the agile project management certificate and and and.

it’s for sure not the kind of thing I want to do forever but I think a year in this role would help me build some practical skills and save money. I also feel way better about working for the government than doing this kind of work in the corporate world? nothing wrong with corporate work I just think that public sector work will keep me closer to where I want to be long term.

they are going to pay me an amount of money that seems insane to me and I could kinda tell they expected me to negotiate for higher in the phone call where they offered me the job. I’m going to look at the full offer letter and then ask for a little bit more just to get practice lol but regardless: it’s going to let me save so much and that is a RELIEF because I have so little in savings.

so I think I am going to take it for sure.

BUT THEN… if we get approval to use the extra $ from the foundation, I think I am going to try to negotiate a part-time role with my current job. that would mean staying in Texas longer, but it would give me the chance to finish out my lease, save a LOT of money, enjoy what is usually a glorious Texas winter, help secure long-term funding for our program, and then hire/train a new manager so the program doesn’t die when I leave. most importantly it would let me keep doing values-aligned teaching & mentoring work during this bridge year, so if I decide I don’t like working outside of a university I can make a fairly seamless transition back into that kind of work.

my university might not approve this plan but I honestly can’t see why they wouldn’t… they have plenty of money to pay a part-time salary and I’m basically offering to do this work as a service to the program. and if they don’t, then I’ll just decide what I want to do about the move at that point. I thought about it a lot after reading everyone’s comments on the option A vs. option B post and I think it’s going to be a lot to handle a major (and very abrupt) cross-country move to an unfamiliar city while also getting up to speed on a new job. I’d rather navigate those gigantic life upheavals one at a time instead of all at once.

the best part is that now instead of this summer feeling aimless and endless, I have a clear start date for new job, which means that suddenly the next three weeks are actually VACATION TIME before the next thing begins! so I can absolutely luxuriate in them instead of feeling like I am drowning in unstructured time. whoohoo!!! maybe I will even visit seattle in this time lol who can say!

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upwithdeadpeople · 8 months

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continuing education is horrible!

All I'm getting it reminders of how not smart I am and how I deserve to be overworked and underpaid. My boss tells me as much to my face. She's never hesitated to remind me of my lack of credentials and how they dictate my compensation. She really fucking loves and respects the status quo and works to keep it in place. I mention a cool certificate program and she mentions the shitty little supervisor certification programs that they have at HR. I don't want a fucking head pat from this place, I want to do something that I can use outside of here.

Apparently I'm going to have to write a letter about why my GPA was so shitty in undergrad. it's like .7 below the minimum for this program. I feel like a loser who is trying to be accepted by the cool kids or something. Like I'm scrambling to get accepted into a place that doesn't want me. I don't feel supported by my boss - she just wants me to keep my head down and keep doing the hard work that gets accolades for HER not ME. I'm always doing the actual work that gets rewards for others. Fuck this!

A big part of the reason I always want to die is because I see my lot in life. It's laid out in front of me and everyone just wants me to walk this shitty path. I get so much encouragement to just keep my head down and take what I'm given. Eat my food and like it. Don't you dare ask for more. I feel like I fucked myself over by doing so poorly in undergrad and that my degree really isn't worth shit anymore. I can't even use it to get into grad school. I wasted 7 years of my life and now I can't have the better life that high ed promised me. I fucked myself out of it. So I'd rather die. I'd rather just leave than only have what this world thinks I should have. I want more, I want comfort and joy and luxury, and if the world insists that's not allowed then I say fuck that, fuck you, fuck all of you, I'll fucking kill myself first.

I really don't think I have much time left. No one cares, no one notices. If and when my mom dies, it'll be just a matter of time for me. I may be willing to wait a year just so my siblings don't have so much stuff to take care of, but it IS going to happen. I am not going to let this world grind me down. I will remove myself from it first.

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grimalkhiindi · 4 years

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My body is giving me clear signals that I’m going to crash soon, but I’m just going to ignore them and try to keep manically working as if I don’t have a mortal body for another three weeks.

#key word is try #grad school #university #I would say if I die I die #but I actually rather not die from grad school #school

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perperam · 3 years

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Do you have any Harlivy fic recommendations? Preferably something that is already completed?

OH I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

okay okay so quick little tangent fact !! I actually just finished my undergrad degree in "english literature analysis & writing" and reading fics is so fun bc I get to analyze them and break them down and if it's particularly well written the stars align and it's just UGH so good.

ratings are: E (explicit) M (mature) T (teens and up) and G (everyone) anyways here is a HUGE list of my favorite fics to date, their stats/details/plots, reasonings as to why they're on the list to begin with, and a short analysis:

SHORT STORIES (less than 30k words)

for your convenience they’re in order of length bc I’m focusing on this super hard rn

KISS YOUR BEST FRIEND CHALLENGE (T) STATS — 340 words, shenanigans, fluff PLOT — Harley, TikTok and general Social Media queen, decides to do the trending challenge to kiss your best friend. The best friend? Her roommate and the woman she’s been crushing on for fucking ever: Poison Ivy.

AM I TOO CLOSE? (CAUSE YOU FOLD INTO ME LIKE A HEART WITH A BEAT) (G) STATS — 839 words, fluff, shenanigans PLOT — Harley genuinely wasn’t looking for trouble, but it’s hard to just have a day out when you’re one of Gotham’s most wanted. Running into Ivy, she takes drastic measures (and her hoodie into the mix) to distract the police from looking in their direction.

I’M HOME (G) STATS — 892 words, domestic fluff PLOT — After a long and rough day at work, Ivy comes home to Harley. Relaying the details of her day, she basks in the comfort of her girlfriend, who provides gentle questions and is a phenomenal listener. General cuteness.

CONFLICT DIAMONDS (G) STATS — 990 words, wedding shenanigans, banter, humor PLOT — Batman and Renee Montoya respond to a break-in at a jewelry store, except even though the owner is duct-taped to the wall, it isn’t really a break-in; Harley’s just trying to shop for a ring for Ivy, and that’s difficult to do when the owner is screaming in the corner. Batman and Renee both pitch in to help pick something nice for Harley’s girl, resulting in hilarious banter.

OF COURSE (T) STATS — 1.1k words, hurt/comfort (kinda), harley quinn animated tv show centric PLOT — In the aftermath of Ivy’s death, rebirth, and the fall of Joker Tower, Harley collapses onto the ground. Since she never mentioned that her parents are the reason for most of her injuries, Ivy isn’t sure why she’s so out of it.

PERFECT MORNINGS (T) STATS — 1.1k words, domestic fluff/bliss PLOT — Ivy, who usually wakes up early and before Harley, takes a moment to look at the countless muscles, ridges, scars, and tattoos on Harley’s body as she sleeps. General cuteness.

I’D LOVE TO CHECK YOU OUT (T) STATS — 1.7k words, university au, fluff PLOT — Harley visits the library virtually every day, and it’s definitely not because she needs to work on her university courses and homework. She finally works up the courage to speak to the alluring redhead she sees there every day while absentmindedly looking at a book on sharks.

I’LL LOVE YOU IN THE MORNING (NOON, NIGHT) (T) STATS — 2.1k words, angst, hurt/comfort PLOT — A snapshot look into Ivy and how she comes to know, care, and love all the sides of Harley—from psychiatrist to criminal to girlfriend. She loves her throughout it all.

DAY-DREAMING (T) STATS — 2.2k words, shenanigans, psychiatrist Harleen PLOT — Ivy’s falling for her psychiatrist—her humorous, intelligent, caring, and downright gorgeous psychiatrist. It’s difficult, to say the least.

WHAT HAPPENS IN THEMYSCIRA (DOESN’T) STAY IN THEMYSCIRA (T) STATS — 2.3k words, humor, wedding shenanigans, angst with a happy ending PLOT — In a surprise twist of events, Harley and Ivy were drunkenly married at Themyscira. When asked at the wedding if anybody had objections to the union of Ivy and Chuck, Wonder Woman and the Queen of Themyscira herself come to object. Ivy, for lack of a better word, wants to die a little.

NOT A ROCKER CHICK (T) STATS — 3.1k words, rock band au, fluff PLOT — The last thing Ivy wants to do is go to a rock band concert with her best friend, Selina. Despite her best efforts, she can’t help but completely fall into the rhythm of the band and their music, so different than her own norm. And okay, maybe the singer (who Selina was friends with and called “Harley”) was also kinda hot...

A TENDER HEART AMONG THE GREEN (T) STATS — 3.2k words, gotham city sirens raise Lucy au, domestic bliss PLOT — Harley and Selina come back home to the apartment to find Ivy passed out asleep with Lucy cuddling into the crook of her neck and Selina’s cats cuddling her legs. Knowing that Ivy would rather be caught dead than in such a compromising situation (after all, she is the Poison Ivy, who “hates humans”) the two take a photo, since it lasts longer. Shenanigans and cuteness ensue.

BUILDING YOUR GIRL’S SECOND STORY (M) STATS — 3.3k words, university/grad school au, angst with a happy ending PLOT — Snapshots of Harley’s battle with her violent and abusive boyfriend, Jack, and the way in which Bruce, his boyfriend Clark, and her best friend (and potentially lover) Pamela all love Harley and will do anything, anything, to make sure she gets the help, care, and love she needs.

A DIFFERENT KIND OF NORMAL (T) STATS — 3.6k words, coronavirus pandemic/quarantine au, family au PLOT — Ivy is requested by the Justice League to help create and manufacture a vaccine for the COVID-19 virus. As she works on the vaccine, she video calls Harley and their daughter Lucy, both of whom miss her very much.

RABBIT IN THE GARDEN (T) STATS — 4.4k words, implied suicide attempt, hard angst PLOT — Winters are difficult to Ivy. When Harley comes home one day to see her submerged fully in water in the bathtub, the only thing Harley can do is cry and take her out. Ultimately Ivy is alright—but it doesn’t make it any easier.

WE WILL BE (EVERYTHING THAT WE’D EVER NEED) (T) STATS — 5.8k words, high school au, angst, hurt/comfort PLOT — Harley and Ivy are best friends from high school, living in the middle of Arizona. Ivy is absolutely head over heels for Harley, but the latter is in a growing and increasingly abusive relationship with the older “bad-boy” (literally) Jack. Eventually, the two grow together in more ways than one.

WHERE THE RED FERN GROWS (EXCEPT NO DOGS DIE) (M) STATS — 9.7k words, domestic bliss, no powers just botanist & psychiatrist au PLOT — After her abusive ex-boyfriend tries to maniacally tear down the front door of her apartment with an ax as her best friend, Selina, pushes the table against the splintering wood, Bruce recommends that Harley gets a dog. She gets two German Shepard brothers—Bud and Lou—who lead her one day on their walk to the most beautiful flower shop owner Harley’s ever seen. The story of Harley and Ivy, told with Bud and Lou present to witness every moment.

THE MOMENT I AWAKEN GHOSTS (T) STATS — 11.7k words, falling in love, feelings & realizations PLOT — A deep look into Ivy’s feelings and how they evolve from general hatred against Harleen the psychiatrist at Arkham to a blooming, kind and gentle love towards Harley Quinn, the crown jester of crime.

HARLEQUIN’S ISLE (T) STATS — 17.5k words, hurt/comfort, happy ending, shenanigans, humor PLOT — Harley and Ivy decide to go on a vacation on Bruce Wayne’s new eco-friendly plane, but in a surprise twist of events, things go terribly wrong, Ivy falls out of the plane, and the two (as well as all the other rich and wealthy big-name CEOS on the plane) get stranded on an island with someone actively trying to rob the investors. Harley and Ivy will fight them, god damn it, because they deserve this vacation and they will have it.

LONGER STORIES (30k words to 100k words)

YOUR LOVE (DÉJÀ VU) (G) STATS — 33k words, slow burn, mild angst, canon divergence PLOT — A what-if-Harley-found-Ivy-first fic, YOUR LOVE wonderfully illustrates Dr. Harleen Quinzel treating Ivy in a wonderfully humane and kind way, including learning floriography, the language of flowers, in order to better relate to her. Ivy is taken aback by her doctor's genuine care and begins to develop feelings, all the while Harleen falls hard and fast which wholly confuses and frightens her. The one caveat is that while this is happening, Harleen is also treating the Joker as well, who tries (keyword: tries) to manipulate her. Ivy and Harley dance a timid tango around one another as they try to navigate this new playing field of romantic feelings for one another, and things come to a breaking point when Harleen realizes that, perhaps, all of her patients have a point and that the real villains are not the ones inside the asylum, but rather the ones running it. FAVORITE DETAILS — I just love the way this is written. It provides a wonderful and almost skinny-love like romance (except this takes place in an insane asylum) as Harleen and Ivy both try to understand their strong feelings for one another. The way in which the rogues and other inmates/patients all look out for one another was very heartwarming, and Waylon and Eddie's thinly veiled camaraderie with Ivy—and her thinly veiled appreciation for it—were both lovely and created a really warm environment. It really underlined why Harley loved them because you love them too in the process, and see how she reaches her breaking point. CHARACTER DEPICTIONS — Harley, as she is in all of my favorite fics, is depicted as an incredibly intelligent and talented psychiatrist. Her caring nature is wonderfully outlined in this fic as she helps Waylon, Eddie, Ivy, and everybody else in the asylum be treated with genuine respect and care, going as far as to get them personalized gifts. Her psyche fracturing slowly never once makes her seem unintelligent to the reader, even as she actively places a ditz persona in order to fool the rest of the asylum staff (and the Joker). Ivy, on the other hand, is illustrated in a way that perfectly shows how all she genuinely needed was someone to listen. She's sometimes harsh and crass but you can see how she begins to soften as Harley helps her and treats her with: you guessed it, genuine respect. FINAL VERDICT — I would get this tattooed on my ass if I could

NOVEL LENGTH WORKS (100k+ words)

ACROSS THE WAY (M) STATS — 128.7k words, slow-burn, tattoo artist & flower shop owner au PLOT — Botanist and flower shop owner Pamela Isley moves to Gotham from Seattle in search of a new life. Her shop is located directly next to a tattoo shop—one that is incredibly loud and bothersome. Upon walking in to give the shop a piece of her mind, she meets one of the resident artsits, Harley Quinzel, and cannot get her out of her mind. The two become best friends, and feelings slowly start to develop. On a night when Harley is most vulnerable and in need of a place to escape, Pam offers her apartment as a refuge, and from that point on things are never the same again (in the best way possible). FAVORITE DETAILS — The SIT sessions were a wonderful touch and I loved seeing the recovery of both Ivy and Harley, because it was so real. I also loved how once Harley got out, she did everything in her power to protect both herself and Ivy from Jack, and we got to see her and Ivy grow into their wonderful, healthy romance. CHARACTER DEPICTIONS — I love how all of the characters are illustrated; Selina, who is the caring best friend and genuinely does her best to help others around her all the while being her cocky, usual self. Pam, who escaped Seattle and started anew in Gotham and is the crass botanist and also the insanely kind and caring lover. Barbara is the adorable coffee shop owner, Floyd is the caring figure for Harley that she never had, and everyone is just wonderful. FINAL VERDICT — literally go read this rn, what are you even doing

MAD LOVE: THE BEGINNING & MAD LOVE: THE FINAL CHAPTER (M) STATS — nearly 400k words total, angst, canon divergence, domestic fluff, slice of life PLOT — imagine YOUR LOVE except this is much longer, much more heart-wrenching, a whole lot more angsty, and Harleen's break with Harley is a lot more prevalent. Another what-if scenario of Dr. Harleen Quinzel meeting and treating the illusive Poison Ivy instead of the Joker, MAD LOVE shows an interesting depiction of the way they manipulate, hurt, care, and love one another. The entire story is riddled with well placed metaphors, recurring themes, and both Ivy and Harley's characters are illustrated in the most complex and interesting way. All throughout both the initial and the sequel, Ivy and Harleen play a metaphorical chess game in manipulation as a means to gain the upper-hand on the other, which creates a dangerous foundation for their following love story. In the sequel, "The Final Chapter," the story starts with Harley and Ivy—already married near the end of "A New Beginning"—having two kids and the entire piece spans over Harley's lifetime until she's on her deathbed, with Ivy still stuck at 33 years old beside her. I personally stopped reading the story after Harley died (I was too emotionally vulnerable to continue on) but if you continue reading on, you get to see Ivy move on and appreciate Harley's impact on her life as she finds love and happiness again after the loss of her wife. FAVORITE DETAILS — We get insight into both Ivy and Harleen's trauma, and how not everything can be fixed with love. Neither Harleen nor Ivy (or their actions for that matter) are characterized as perfect in any way, and the story never excuses any of their more-than-questionable actions; in fact they make MANY mistakes and manipulate one another throughout the story, and both have power over the other (Harleen is her psychiatrist, but Ivy could easily kill her, so emotional power over someone with immense physical power). CHARACTER DEPICTIONS — Harleen is depicted as an incredibly intelligent and capable psychiatrist, and the story somehow wonderfully mixes Harley's desire for violent chaos with Harleen's desire to help others. v Ivy is illustrated as the epitome of "I hate you and will not be nice unless you're literally either my wife or kids." She is seldom kind to others, is often crass, but an entire softy when it comes to Harleen and their children. She's a hard worker and is heavily involved in her research. Harleen, on the other hand, is equally cunning but more lighthearted, extremely athletic and active, the "fun" mom, and less into power trips (unless it's about Ivy). FINAL VERDICT — definitely the most interesting fics I've ever read in my entire fucking life, it's so complex and wonderful and a literal minefield of analysis worthy literature, I'd also get this tattooed on my ass if I could

#mryanswers #harlivy #jfc #this is a long ass post #please I spent hours on it #literally

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 1 year

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I posted 1,865 times in 2022

That's 126 more posts than 2021!

259 posts created (14%)

1,606 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/barry-j-blupjeans

@/phantasmagoric-acquaintance

@/holdmecloser-gandydancer

@/anistarrose

@/herbgerblin

I tagged 1,771 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#rip (reeses in pieces) - 214 posts

#not taz - 157 posts

#srb - 92 posts

#reese writes - 54 posts

#taz balance - 53 posts

#taz - 51 posts

#taz amnesty - 50 posts

#asks - 37 posts

#the adventure zone - 34 posts

#lup - 27 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#[reese aren't you working on a long piece with hali in another window?] yeah and? sbtts has been simmering in our shared brains for a while

My Top Posts in 2022:

Once again he mourns the fact that the only applied arcane theory program that accepted him just had to be a private university many states away.

Wait.

He rereads the loan forgiveness terms. “If your loan servicer receives acceptable documentation of your death, your federal student loans will be discharged,” he reads to himself. He's got it.

He lets loose a laugh that borders on maniacal and roots around for his phone. It rings once before someone picks up on the other end.

“Lup!” He whoops.

“Bear? What’s up? You sound extremely excitable right now.”

“Okay, remember when you wanted to get married for tax benefits?”

“I do! I also remember you turned me down because you didn’t want to our marriage to be for convenience.”

Barry laughs to himself. “Yeah, I still stand by that.”

“You sap,” she sighs fondly.

“Well, I think I found a way to scam the federal government through a loophole.”

“Gods I love when you talk dirty to me!”

“We can talk more when you come home but I can almost promise you neither of us are paying off our student loans.”

“Barry, I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about and I can’t wait to hear your devious plan. Love you!”

“Love you.” He clicks end on the call and looks around for his theoretical necromancy notes from a few semesters ago.

264 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

Lucretia pulled the door of her room shut and scrubbed tears from her face. Magnus just needed to sleep it off. He’d be fine. They’d all be fine, Lucretia kept telling herself like some kind of chant to a long-forgotten god. She just had to find the others.

She happened upon Merle and Davenport first. They were at the dining room table. Merle watched Davenport carefully as the captain shook like a soaking wet dog. Lucretia plastered a tight smile on her face though she was certain it would fool nobody. At least, it wouldn’t have ten minutes prior.

“Are you both okay?” she asked, glancing between them.

“Uh. I’m a little confused myself. Who’re you? And where exactly are we?” Merle squinted his eyes at her.

Her stomach twisted. Her plan was working, it seemed. And she hated every moment. “I’m…I’m a friend, of sorts. And we are on a vessel that will dock very soon. And then I’m gonna take you home. Soon. I promise.” She spoke slowly, chose her words carefully, and hoped that Merle’s bad memory would give her some breathing room.

“Davenport.”

Lucretia turned and looked at Davenport, a slight furrow in her brow. “Yes, you’re Davenport.”

He looked up at her and she saw a look in his eyes she would never forget. She saw panic and fear on his face like she’d never seen before, not even during their closest encounters with the Hunger. “I-I’m Davenport,” he repeated, voice shaking.

No. Gods no there was no way. She nodded and forced her smile to widen. “Right. Davenport, do you know where you are?”

“Davenport.”

She looked back to Merle. “Has he said anything besides his name in the past ten or so minutes?”

He shook his head. “Nope. Just Davenport.” He thought for a second, tilting his head consideringly. “Well, I guess he said my name right before he started saying his. Kinda weird ‘cuz I never told him my name. But that’s what we’re working with.”

She already wanted to bring out cups of ichor and abort the plan. How could she do this? Her plan might work but at what cost? “Okay. How’s your head feel?”

“Davenport.” His voice was tight and pained.

“Shitty, now that you mention it. Kinda feels like I got hit over the head with a club or something,” Merle said, frowning deeply.

She nodded. “Right. Do you want to go lie down? A nap might help. I have a room for each of you.”

Davenport looked at her blankly. His gaze was haunted and filled Lucretia with sickening regret.

“I could use a nap,” Merle agreed before standing.

“If you’ll both follow me,” she said primly.

She led them wordlessly down to their rooms, surreptitiously grabbing obvious red flags that were present within them. She grabbed Merle’s jacket, a handful of trinkets from the beach cycle, a memento from the First Church of Fungston, and shut his door without another word. Davenport’s room was easier; his jacket was folded on the edge of his bed and few personal affects that would remind him of the mission were clearly visible.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, almost more to herself than to him.

She left before she had to hear him say his own name again.

Barry and Taako were nowhere to be found inside the ship. Should have known that they’d be on the deck; they’d both been spending days on end pouring over maps of the realm, touching down to search for Lup, before coming back and feeling defeated.

What she found on the deck stopped her dead in her tracks. Taako’s wand was at his feet, he was staring into space, eyes welling with tears. He had a white-knuckle grip on the railing. Barry wasn’t there. Barry was nowhere on the ship.

She approached Taako carefully. “Taako?”

He snapped his head up and looked in her direction though his gaze seemed to pass right through her. “H-he told me to blast him. He said he was forgetting someone’s face and he told me to blast him. He was panicked and he was scared and I wanted to help him and I don’t know why. I don’t know why. I blasted him. I killed him. I-I just killed him and he smiledwhile I did it,” Taako babbled. He looked like he was about to snap the whole railing with his bare hands.

“Taako, it’s okay,” she said, reaching to put a hand on his shoulder.

He flinched away from her and glared. “Don’t fucking touch me! This isn’t okay! I-I killed a guy. I killed a guy and he probably had a fucking family or something at home.”

“Taako, please. I need you to breathe, okay?” Lucretia did her best to be firm and kind. It usually worked.

“How do you know my name? Who are you? A-and where are we? And who was that guy?” Taako snapped. He was putting on a big front but Lucretia knew what this was. He had on the same feral cat façade that he did when she first met him.

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286 notes - Posted March 7, 2022

Lup can feel her soul vibrating in her body. This isn’t an uncommon occurrence, just the nature of a lich contained. The sweat prickling her scalp though? That’s all nerves, the kind of physiological vulnerability Lup hates. See, everyone’s getting together later for the largest event of the season; the garden party the twins are throwing for their birthday. It’s going to be obnoxious and extravagant and unbecoming, surely. That’s not the source of her anxiety, though.

Lup’s called Taako over early to give him his gift. (If she’s being honest, it’s as much for her as it is for him but who really wants to argue semantics?) She’s reminded him about it no less than four hundred times in the past week. The timing on this is vital, she thinks.

She glances at the clock that hangs over the kitchen sink and bites at her thumbnail; he’s not even late yet, she’s getting worked up over nothing. She murmurs a quick message to Barry through her Stone of Far Speech before filling a kettle and putting it on the stove to boil. She’s pawing through the pantry for honey and tea, fingertips just able to nudge the honey down without a casualty when she hears a key turn in the lock.

“In here!” she calls, retrieving three teacups from a cabinet near the stove. She methodically drops a large dollop of honey in the bottom of each. She pushes them back from the edge of the counter and moves to lean against the island in the middle of the kitchen.

“Lup, the fact that you made me get up early on my birthday is a crime, frankly,” Taako bemoans as he enters the kitchen, sliding onto a stool as he does.

“Our birthday,” she corrects with a dramatic eye roll. She darts a glance back at the clock again.

“Why’re you being weird?” Taako squints at her. Lup turns to look back at Taako and tries to play it as cool as she can. She’s certain she’s reapproaching normalcy already.

“I’m not being weird,” Lup says, giving a weird little smile. Too plasticine, she realizes too late. She doesn’t do this whole nerves bullshit well. It’s annoying and gross.

“You’re being certifiably weird, Lu. But go ahead, try to pull a fast one over on your dear brother,” Taako laments, putting his chin in his hands. The kettle whistles before Lup’s able to tease him about being a drama queen. At once she gets to work, adding a small splash of hot water to the bottom of each teacup, swirling them around to loosen the honey. She then dumps a healthy amount of tea leaves in each cup and covers them with water. She grabs three small plates from the cupboard and covers them. When she turns around, Taako’s staring at her, his eyes narrowed.

“What?” she asks innocently.

“Why are you making three cups? I thought Barold was out doing errands?”

“He is.”

Taako crosses his arms. “Lup, what’s going on? I don’t dig cagey and I do believe I was promised a gift that couldn’t be given in front of everyone else,” he says expectantly.

Lup takes a breath to steady herself. “Taako, I found her.”

His face folds in on itself in confusion. He glances back over at the three teacups and suddenly his face is opening back up in understanding and disbelief. “Bullshit. There’s no way. I-I’ve asked Kravitz about that a thousand times. He said that you can’t just go dipping in the Astral Plane of other planarverses. He said that not even the Raven Queen could clear something like that. Said it wasn’t possible. That’s the whole reason he wasn’t chasing our asses until we touched down in Faerun,” Taako babbles, trying to ignore that defiant, stomach flipping hope bubbling up inside of him.

Lup beams and ignores the clenching in her throat. “Well, you’re not supposed to be able to. But Kravitz, Barry, RQ, and I have been looking for a workaround. Not just for this, apparently RQ and some of the other gods have been looking for a way to connect with their cross-planar counterparts. I guess to like, aid in the smooth running of each planar system? To be honest when she was talking about it I couldn’t really follow but the point is that I found her, Taako. I haven’t talked to her yet. Wouldn’t do that without you. But we did some tests to make sure it’d all be okay and they went perfect. It’s not like it’s a forever open door or anything, though. Strictly speaking, us lowly non-gods still won’t be able to do this but it’s kinda hard to argue with a few saviors of the universe.” Lup cringes for a minute. “I hate playing that card sometimes but I feel like this is worth it.” Her voice catches at the last moment and she clears her throat. She’s determined not to cry.

Taako’s determination to not cry was shattered roughly ten seconds into Lup’s explanation. “How long?” he asks, voice wobbly. He’s not stupid, play too rough with the boundaries of the world and things can get a little fucky. But he wants to make the most of this.

“Few hours? That’s why I had you come over so early. I wanted us to have plenty of time. Didn’t wanna bring her to the party later, that’s just too much. But if you’re okay with it, I do want Barry to drop in for just a minute. He really wants to meet her.”

Taako scoffs and tries to sweep his emotion under a bravado coated façade. “I mean you’re outta your gourd if you think I’m not getting Krav or Angus in here for like ten minutes. I just…I need to know if she heard the Song. I want her to see it was worth it.”

And there goes Lup’s resolve. She nods and smiles a tremulous smile, paying no mind to the tears welling. She removes the plates from the teacups and brings them over to the counter. A sweep of her hand and a scythe materializes out of thin air. She steadies herself against it for a moment as Taako rises to stand beside her. They exchange a glance before Taako gives an encouraging nod. Lup swings the blade effortlessly like she has countless times before. A familiar riiiiip sounds through the kitchen and Lup extends her hand through the tear that formed, waving the scythe away as she does.

Out of the rip walks an older, plump elf woman, a purple shawl wrapped around her shoulders. Soft lines mark her face that indicate a lifetime of joy. She’s a little shorter than the twins but not by much. Her dark waves are pinned up in a bun, her stark white streak still hanging down free like an accessory. She looks incredible. She looks the same as she did when they first met her. She’s smiling wider than the whole world, it seems.

Taako and Lup are doing their best not to openly sob but it’s hard. How can they not? A moment of hesitation passes before they both sweep her up in the tightest hug any of them have ever experienced. The twins each rest their heads on one of her shoulders.

They don’t speak for a moment as they all take in the incredulity, the impossibility of what happened.

“Hi, Tía,” Taako manages to get out between sniffles.

“We have a lot to catch you up on,” Lup says with a wet laugh.

“Believe me, darlings, I’ve heard so much.”

426 notes - Posted April 4, 2022

at least one of thb should have died in wonderland. the place has been designed to get the max suffering out of everyone but it was love that kept them all alive.

Merle (and to a lesser extent, Magnus) gave precious hp to Taako to keep him from biting it

Taako and Merle literally pulled Magnus's soul away from the Astral Plane

Lup devoured and destroyed Edward which destroyed Lydia in the process

and Barry kept them safe in every possible way he could

all huge acts of love in a place full of despair

674 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I think being in such close contact with the Light for so many years did kinda do Something to the birds.

because Taako is not charismatic, that's canonical. but, even joke canonical, everyone adores him, desires him, wants to give him all their possessions. people cannot get enough of Taako, even after he dooms a town

Magnus, thanks to his rustic hospitality, is a likeable guy. but he was able to help lead the rebellion that gave him his folk hero status that gave him his rustic hospitality. people were willing to die by his side, this guy who was fairly new to their community

Lucretia managed to begin a whole secret organization and employ a large staff. These missions were deadly, dangerous, and promised the potential to have their very beings wiped from existence. yet people were willing to join the Bureau

these are the most striking instances of this but it's almost like a bit of that craveability brushed off on each of them through all their encounters with it

1,251 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #false #rip (reeses in pieces)#long post #god is it a long post #not taz

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myhauntedsalem · 3 years

Text

13 True Horror Stories from the Psychiatric Ward that Will Give You the Creeps

Death, illness and tragedy have long been part of the history of insane asylums, and for as long as they have existed, so too have the scary stories associated with them. From haunted hospitals to sadistic doctors and nurses, psychiatric wards have been the inspiration for many of our favorite horror movies and books. Yet, the true stories told by the psych ward workers below far surpass any horrors that we might have seen at the cinema or read in a book.

Without further ado, here are thirteen of some of the creepiest psych ward stories on the internet that have been shared by health care professionals.

1. Holding her own Eyes

My mom told me this story from her time at a neuropsychiatric ward while she was in grad school. She was making her routine room checks and happened upon the most horrific scene I’ve ever heard.

This was during the night shift, and generally, all the patients’ bedroom doors should be closed. So my mom turned a corner and noticed an open door. She saw a staff member’s legs on the floor, halfway out the doorway.

When she looked into the room, she saw the patient, a woman with a severe postpartum psychiatric disorder, who had just gouged both of her own eyes out with her bare hands. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding her eyes in her hands.

The first staff member to witness the scene, who was now lying face down on the floor, had a heart attack when he first witnessed the woman while he was making his rounds.

My mom screamed for help and frantically tried to perform CPR on the staff member. All the while, the woman just sat rather calmly, holding her own eyes.

2. The Saw

I work as a psychotherapist in a hospital system. My definition of creepy is probably quite a bit different from other medical professionals.

The one that got to me the most was a patient who came to us after attempting suicide by sawing both his arms off at the forearm with a table saw. His arms were reattached, fairly successfully too, with only limited impairments in mobility. All I could think was how bad it would have to be to live in his head that sawing his arms off seemed better than that.

He has since completed suicide.

3. Jane?

We had a young lady in our custody with quite a few issues. We’ll call her Jane. Jane’s first night at our facility staff doing a bed check found Jane in a puddle of blood. Turns out Jane had been slicing the skin around her shin with her finger nails and was pulling her skin up her leg, essentially de-gloving her calf.

Jane also had a ritual she performed every night before bed. While in her room she would run between walls in her room touching them in a crucifix pattern. After doing this for a few hours she would sit on her bed and go to sleep. This particular night Jane was frantic in her pace, practically running between walls. Our night staff observed the entire interaction and reported Jane screaming late into the night. When the staff went to check on Jane she reported Jane standing in the doorway smiling. The staff asked what was wrong and Jane replied, “what makes you think you are speaking to Jane?”

4. The Vampire

My mom worked in mental institutions in her younger years (and actually worked at a large, well-known asylum before it was shut down.)

There was one woman there that thought she was a vampire of sorts. She was only allowed out one hour a day, and they had to use safety precautions. She had already attacked and killed at least one hospital worker before these were enacted.

When my Mom asked about her, it was revealed that she had killed at least two of her children, wounded another as well as her husband because she had some sort of physical condition called Porphyria, which apparently made her crave blood.

By the time that they discovered there was something physically wrong with her, she already had lost her mind from guilt and grief.

5. The Spitter

I’m not a psychologist but my friend is. She told me about a patient of hers who was HIV positive and a paranoid schizophrenic. He thought that the nurses who worked at the hospital he was in were trying to kill him, so he would frequently bite his tongue, and spit HIV positive blood into their faces/mouths. When they had to come into contact with him, they were required to wear full masks and gloves.

6. The Only One

I once knew a woman who had spent part of her residency at a psychiatric hospital for people with severe mental conditions. Apparently, the grounds had a lovely, enclosed greenhouse. One day, one of their schizophrenic patients was sitting on a bench, smoking a cigarette, as a heron frantically flew around. It had found its way in and, not being able to escape, it was smashing into the large panes of glass. The man just sat there watching.

Finally, my counselor asked him if the bird was bothering him and he kind of sighed and said, “Thank god, I thought I was the only one seeing that.”

7. Family Photographs

My sister is the director of a psychiatric hospital. There was recently a lady there who would cut her arms, legs and torso open and place photographs of her family under her skin.

8. Under the Bed

Once, a fellow female patient told me she found writings under her bed. They were just old, small wooden bed frames with hard mattresses that would make all kinds of noises when you rolled over, but I still wondered what exactly she was doing lying under her bed to find these writings.

When she first told me, I thought it was a joke. But sure enough, one day during group we managed to sneak away, and she showed me. Indeed, there were stories written under her bed. After that, we had everyone check under their own beds, and there was more writing under every single bed.

They were stories of patients who had stayed here before, or ways they were planning on killing themselves, or who the good and bad nurses were. It creeped me out.

9. Time of Death

Well, my mother was a nurse that specialized in geriatrics, and she worked for several hospice hospitals for many years. She often described situations at her work with several of the patients. She would say that each person tends to have a very similar “checklist” that they follow right before death. This checklist often ended in a very similar way.

They would get caught talking to someone that wasn’t there. When asked who they (otherwise lucid people) were talking to, they would describe an individual who was already dead. When asked what they were talking about, they would say that their relative wanted to know if they were ready to move on. A pretty common response would be, “Yeah, he/she said that she will take me tomorrow at 3:00.” Well, it would often happen that they would die at the exact time their relatives quoted.

10. The Test Subject

I had an hour-long conversion with a delusional guy who was confined to a mental health facility, and who was probably smarter than I am. Lots of these folks believe that somebody – often the CIA – is either beaming thoughts into their heads, or has implanted a microchip in their brains for this purpose. This guy was offering a very thoughtful argument as to why such claims should not be so quickly dismissed.

“It’s precisely because such delusions are so common that mental patients make the best test subjects,” he said. There he was, confined and protected, constantly observed, his health and behavior documented, and there is zero chance that anyone would ever take his concerns seriously. How else would you test and improve such technology? Does the government not have a strong motivation and a plausible ability to create such a device?

“You can see I’m not irrational,” the man said. “I’m just straight-up telling you that they are doing this to me. I know just how unbelievable it sounds, and yet, here I am.”

11. The Boy who Loved Knives

As a tech in psych years ago, there was a 7-year-old kid sent to the floor because the mom didn’t know what to do with him. Sadly, common thing to happen, even if the kids don’t have psych issues. Anyway, the mom was shaking and crying, and they had to take the kid into another room. She was genuinely afraid of her own son. She had suspected something was wrong when she kept finding mutilated animals in the backyard, but never heard or saw coyotes or anything around. The neighbors smaller pets started disappearing. The boy had an obsession with knives, hiding them around the house. Denying anything when the mom confronted him. Then when the two started getting into arguments, he would get really violent and hit her, push her down and kick her, threaten to kill her. On multiple occasions she woke up in the middle of the night with him standing beside her bed, staring her in the face. She put extra locks on her bedroom door to feel safe while she slept. The last straw was when she lifted up his mattress and found 50+ knives of all shapes and sizes under there. So she brought him to us.

I remember talking to him, treating him like he was just any other kid that came through. He seemed remarkably normal, until you spoke directly to him. He had this way of looking right through you, or maybe like he didn’t see you at all while you were speaking.

He would respond like a robot, like he was just saying words because that’s what we wanted to hear. And he would always put on this creepy, dead-looking smile. Like all mouth and no eye involvement in the smile. Especially when he would get away with something, like taking another kid’s markers and they couldn’t figure it out. Still gives me chills laying here thinking about him.

I believe I met a 7-year-old psychopath.

12. The New Mom

I was a pharmacy technician at a hospital with a psych ward for some time. We would have to go around with a cart and dispense the patients’ medications, and being a 5’2″ girl, a security guard or male nurse would accompany me, just as a precaution. I never had any real issues other than the occasional death grip onto my arm or manic outbursts, but there was one boy who was entirely different.

His chart said he was nine and he had pale skin, dark hair, and huge bright, green eyes. He always greeted me in the most polite way, asked how I was doing, and always found something different to compliment me on every time. He was extremely well-spoken and mature for his age, so I began looking forward to seeing him, as normal small talk is definitely cherished in that setting. If he saw me outside of his room in the halls, he made sure to say hello and always called me “Miss Jones” or “ma’am.”

One day, a couple of our female nurses saw me pause to chat with him in the hallway, and waved me over to ask if I was out of my mind. Apparently, when he was in kindergarten, he grew an intense attachment to his young female teacher.

This escalated to the point of him calling her “Mom” and leaving notes for her about how he wished he were her son. He had a normal home-life with both parents, and the teacher tried to explain to him that she couldn’t be his mom because that would hurt his real mother’s feelings, and that she already had that job covered.

So, he went home and, killed his own mother in her sleep by cutting her throat, so his teacher could be his mom. The female staff had a general rule of not interacting with him excessively to prevent any kind of attachment from forming.

13. Bugs

Nothing I can say can possibly describe the year I worked in Psychiatric Intensive Care. Creepy isn’t the thing that comes to mind when I think back on it…more heartbreaking and horrifying. But creepiness was a part of it. Especially evening and night shifts, naturally.

There is always something disturbing about watching someone while they hallucinate. You can tell it is 100% real to them, and something about that makes you believe it, on some level. A lot of stories end with, “and of course, I had to look over my shoulder to make sure”. You see the emotions it brings out.

There was a woman that came in and sat down across the table from me for her admission interview. She had bandages all over her arms and scotch tape over her mouth and ears. She looked very uncomfortable and wouldn’t really sit still. When the nurse would ask her a question, she would peel the corner of the tape back and answer, then stick the tape back on really fast.

We eventually found out that she saw and felt bugs crawling all over her, and they were trying to get inside her body. The tape was to keep the bugs out. The bandages were because some bugs got in and she had to dig them out. She couldn’t sit still because she felt the bugs all over her even while we sat and talked. The worst part was, she had some idea that it was her mind playing tricks on her. Can you imagine going through your life, feeling like someone is continuously dumping buckets of cockroaches on your head, feeling like they’re all over you and getting inside of you to the point that you’re digging chunks out of your flesh in a panic, all while knowing intellectually that none of it is real?

#13 True Horror Stories from the Psychiatric Ward that Will Give You the Creeps #shared stories #paranormal #ghost and spirits #ghost and hauntings #haunted salem #myhauntedsalem

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songofsaraneth · 3 years

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an incomplete list of the Bullshit ive gone through this year (2021 only), for personal edification:

I am in grad school trying to do research as well as TA a lab class during a global pandemic

My car is broken into in late February outside of my apartment. $1700+ of my backpacking/camping gear and personal items were stolen from it. Ironically they did not find the $20 cash I had.

Car battery begins mysterious dying if left overnight and have to call for rescue from AAA 4 separate times over the course of March. I suspect it is related to being broken into but can’t prove it without a mechanic’s diagnostics.

First mechanic I bring my car to does nothing for the entire MONTH they have it, except break my air conditioning of all things. I live in a desert. It is now 90º every day. At one point they call me to say they can’t get the back doors to open. I walk 2 miles back to them from campus and demonstrate how the automatic doors work on a 2005 minivan. I begin to have regrets about my mechanic choice but the sunk fallacy cost keeps me there for several weeks.

Mid march I also wake up one day to severe jaw pain/a weird “loose” feeling, like my mouth is slanting sideways. It is midterms and I do not have time for this, so I take a lot of ibuprofen and eat soup for a week. After 3 days I shove pillows and blankets around my face one night to keep my jaw aligned and when I wake up the next morning it is severely tight instead of loose, and I have to carefully stretch it open whenever I leave my mouth closed for more than an hour. I guess I just have TMJ now.

At this point I am walking everywhere until bike supplies arrive to fix my flat tire since the bike store is too far away to walk to; including walking back and forth to campus since I can only bring 2-4 out of 8 students into the lab spaces at a time and so effectively have to run each weekly lab 2-4 times per week; as well as going back and forth for greenhouse experiment monitoring/helping undergrads on our NASA contest project

Early April I go to the dentist for a crown on one of my back molars, which I must pay for out of pocket because my new dental insurance purchased when I moved last September has a 1-year waiting period and so will not cover it ($1200). Stretching my jaw open so far for the procedure reignites my new TMJ back to high pain levels.

While still waiting on car in mid-April I have a severe averse reaction to the second dose of the Covid19 vaccine, resulting in painful ulceration of all the soft tissues in my body (mouth, stomach, genitals). It is a very bad time for 3 days and I book an urgent care appointment for the first time ever.

Urgent Care nurse-practitioner does not believe me when I describe what’s happening, and misdiagnoses me with herpes.

I am still biking everywhere but now I’m extra mad and in pain about it so take car back from mechanic so I can get groceries etc. I make an appointment with the dealership but it will be a week until they can take it. In the meanwhile I have to drive it every 8 hours so it won’t die which means getting up at 2am to drive it for 20 minutes in the middle of the night so it will still turn on in the morning.

I have a terrible reaction to the numbing cream given to me for the painful open sores over my body, because of a lifelong mint sensitivity, resulting in an even greater amount of pain

The dealership can fix my car over the following week but its $1800 and now insurance isn’t sure they want to cover it after all

Herpes test comes back negative and nurse apologizes profusely and recommends a non-mint OTC numbing cream alternative that works (yay) and a numbing spray that does not work because it turned out to use an alcohol based propellant which should not be combined with open wounds esp on the genitals (ouch ouch ouch). I try to tell the nurse why I was right about my diagnosis and she was wrong but she still believes it was a latent virus of some other variety and and not an immune response alone, despite the published case studies I have brought to back me up. I decide I have bigger hills I need to die on right now and stop arguing. Sores persist into May but eventually do go down and numbing cream keeps me moderately functioning.

Car is fixed and I can drive again but it takes 2 hours of crying on the phone to my insurance company for them to agree to cover the cost of repair

I make a primary care appointment for the first time in years so I can have a doctor in this state if something like this happens to me again, in June I do intake/bloodwork/set up appointments to check out some other issues ive been having

Grad school finals happen which i wont get into but Yeah. Finals stress triggers another outbreak of canker sores, but mostly clustered in my mouth and only 2 on my vulva rather than 8-12. I eat only soup for another week.

I get a referral to the local mental health clinic and call about setting up an appointment for an ADHD evaluation. They tell me to download and send in some paperwork and they will call when they have available appointments

I am supposed to be doing all my labwork over the summer but the committee member I need escapes my clutches and we don’t manage to set up a meeting to plan it out/for him to explain the protocols until late June

Bloodwork shows I am critically low in vitamin b12 and low in D, which may explain some of why I am so tired all the time

Ultrasound shows a 1.8cm mass in the adnexa near my left ovary. There are several options for what it can be (folicular cyst, other kind of cyst, tumor, ectopic pregnancy i nearly laugh at my Dr and reassure her the last one is not possible if nothing else). It may go away on its own or it may not. Follow up scan in 2 months

I remember I was supposed to email forms to the mental health clinic and finally send those in mid July. It seems cruel to make me be the one to remember this considering I am calling about a formal ADHD diagnosis.

I also finally pin everyone relating to my labwork down and have a follow up meeting + make a list of what we need to order, but the staff who place orders are on vacation and when they get back several reagents are backordered

I have my follow-up ultrasound. The tech takes lots of photos which indicates the mass is still present, but I won’t know any details until my next PCP appointment when they send over the analysis to her in mid-August

Beginning of August the reagents I need for the first steps of the process arrive exactly 1 day before I leave town for a wedding and the lab manager is about to leave town for the entire next week

After the wedding, severe thunderstorms and tornados trap me in Chicago for 4 extra days. I spend a lot of time at the airport or on my way between the airport and my parents house. A facebook friend gets video of the funnel clouds which at least gives me something to sadly email my advisor and committee members when I have to join our planning meeting from my gate at O’Hare

I lose my drivers license at the security checkpoint on my last trip through the airport and don’t realize until I am boarding the plane because of course that is happening to me now

On the shuttle from El Paso back to Las Cruces after this ordeal the driver stops and picks up a box labeled HUMAN BLOOD and puts it in the trunk and i am too tired to care anymore

I stay up all night making the world’s most pitiful r graphs for my meeting the next morning and everyone takes pity on me and does not call out how useless they are

I spend the weekend trying to motivate myself to actually go into the lab and start my procedures, and fail to leave my apartment. This reminds me it has now been a month (Aug 15th) since I sent in my paperwork and the mental health clinic has still not called me back about up an appointment

I get overwhelmed with Everything and make this list

So that’s where I’m at at the moment. And this doesn’t even include anything from 2020 thats just been continuous like, y’know, a global pandemic and having a bad breakup of a 4 year relationship and moving to a new city where I know no one for grad school etc. I feel like I’m falling apart/unable to do all the shit I need to right now but you know what? Actually its been a really bad time and maybe falling apart a little is justified ;_;

#ramblings #wharglbargle #like Damn its been a Time and i need to cry about it i guess #negativity //

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rootin-tootin-cum-shootin · 3 years

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Inosuke College AU

Word count: 1,350

Major: Kinesiology

Minor: Psychology

Sports: Judo, Rugby

Clubs: Tanjiro signed him up for a ceramics club, and he goes only to try and one up him (Which is not the point of the club at all smh) but he attends every meeting without fail.

He's that dude that walks into the lecture hall wearing the most outrageous and eye-catching outfits

You just can't help but see him and instantly know what he's like to talk to

Neon orange athletic shorts with a hawaiian shirt so stereotypical it makes your eyes twitch in displeasure

Add some burkenstock sandals worn with mismatched socks and you have Inosuke

Just by looking at him you know he is quite the personality to work with

And he is, but he is intelligent and definitely pulls his weight in projects

Will chastise his classmates if they get injured while doing the more active labs

But he does that while tending to their injuries so you know he cares about their wellbeing

It's quite sweet of him!

Well it would be if every 3rd word wasn't a swear

That doesn't mean he has terrible grades though.

No he actually does quite well in his courses and there's one simple reason as to why;

he's genuinely hard working

Which surprises nearly everyone who sees him.

But that only makes him work harder

You see Inosuke decided to actually get an education for the simple reason that everyone assumed he was too stupid to do anything with his life

He originally wanted to do Zoology but then he realized that he has too much energy, which ends up scaring off most animals

Which defeats the whole "study of animals" part of Zoology

Of course his Mom was in his corner despite this, really only wanting her son to be happy and find his own success

So he wouldn’t make the same mistakes she did in her youth

Inosuke actually got advice from his mom which helped him settle on Kinesiology as his degree

But once he settled on his degree he was set in stone

His pseudo-step dad offered to pay for his schooling but Inosuke said "I would rather swallow a truck whole than be indebted to you"

And then took out a shit ton of loans to pay for everything

Which only amused his pseudo-dad and made his mom worry a tad

He manages to work a part time job flipping burgers over the summer which was enough to let him pay for his books and meal plan outright for the first year

And yet despite seeing him bust his ass to be able to go to school people still tried to dissuade him from doing anything further with his life

Which only made him work harder

His whole attitude towards school is "man this sucks but also fuck anyone and anything that tries to make me quit: No You"

Inosuke even takes pride in the dropped jaws that come from seeing him at the top of his courses

The boy has never once gotten lower than an 80% on an assignment

He does best in his statistics course simply because both Tanjiro and Zenitsu are also enrolled in that block

Inosuke is competitive

In his other courses nobody stirs up that aggressive competitive spirit like Tanjiro and Zenitsu do in their shared Stat course

And with the pair of them around him, Inosuke feels the urge to out do both to the point where he likes to imagine their feelings of inferiority will crush them like a 1 ton block of the densest concrete imaginable

Inosuke actually made Zenitsu stop breathing from sheer shock and awe when he realized what Inosuke's minor was

Psych is Zenitsu's major (the duo don't share any courses for psychology so they didn't know until then) and it caused Zenitsu to go on a rant to the effect of, " to think that pig headed idiot is doing better than me, that must be a lie! LIAR"

That rant made Inosuke laugh so hard he fell off the table he was sitting on

He actually bruised a rib because of it

It remains Inosuke's favourite memory of Zenitsu because of this

And he wants to see how else he can make him turn purple with rage

Hence he often comes up with weird ways to try and express his perceived academic superiority over his friends rivals

Zenitsu falls for the weird competitive schemes Inosuke comes up with

Tanjiro decidedly does not, in fact he doesn't really care so long as nobody actually gets hurt

Does that stop Inosuke from trying to outdo him? N o p e

If Tanjiro gets 96% on an assignment Inosuke must get 100%

What can I say Inosuke is a competitive guy

And it works for him as motivation

Maybe a little too well if Inosuke has anything to say about it

(He was embarrassed bc he got called out publicly at his grad ceremony for not just outstanding academic excellence but by the elderly head of the department for "being the Kinesiology student with the highest grades since the founding of the department" )

The metal he received from the department head totally does not hang on the wall in his mom's house

Speaking of competitive spirit at school

He trains really hard for both Judo and Rugby

Its a great way for Inosuke to burn off both his aggression towards all the frustrating people he's stuck interacting with and his pent up energy

Kicking ass just makes his temperament a lot easier to deal with for others and he will use ' sports practice' excuse to leave whatever social situation he doesn't want to be in

He just really likes contact sports okay

And by God is he good at them

Like takes home trophies and metals kinda good

Which also aren't being kept at him mom's house where he definitely doesn't have displayed where she can see them and be proud of him

However due to his tendency to be aggressive with the intensity of interest he has in things

Tanjiro signed Inosuke up for a ceramics class

He thought that Inosuke would do well with something relaxing to do while still keeping it tactile enough to keep him interested

It did not go over as well as Tanjiro had hoped

But despite this Inosuke still goes to every single club meet up without fail

Is he good at it? No

Is Tanjiro? Definitely

Does that make Inosuke steaming mad? Yep

Inosuke generally sucks at making clay things symmetrical

So every plate or bowl or vase he makes ends up lopsided

Inosuke will die before he admits to Tanjiro that he was glad for being signed up after he gave his Mom the successful first mug he made and she smiled brighter than she had in years

It was bright green with blue and purple childlike butterfly drawings on it and the glaze wasn't spread evenly so it looks a little patchy

And the handle is proportional too large and thin for the cup itself

But Inosuke's mom loves it more than any other mug in the house

And now every time he goes home to see her and she uses that mug, he finds himself quite happy

But he will deny it thoroughly.

All in all he loves getting the chance to go to College

He may hate the judgy people he's forced to encounter regularly but Inosuke does adore the chance to learn and explore new interests

Not to mention the people he gets to interact with

Even if he knows the debt will weigh heavy on his bank account for a long while.

He still thinks it was all worth it.

#inosuke hashibira #demon slayer #demon slayer au #demon slayer inosuke #demon slayer modern au #inosuke hashiriba college au #demon slayer headcanons

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forestwater87 · 3 years

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How did you become a university Librarian? Did you do an English degree? Sorry if this is a weird question it just really interests me as I’m not sure what to do when I’m older

Eeee I got really excited about this question!

Okay, the fun thing about librarianship is that all roads can lead to it: as long as you get an ALA-approved (assuming you’re American; if you aren’t I cannot help you) graduate degree you can do just about anything for undergrad. English majors are extremely common, just by the nature of who’s into the job, but literally it doesn’t matter; in fact, weirder and more specialized degrees can actually help in certain jobs, because they give you a ton of background info and qualifications than most of your contemporaries have.

I fell into it because I worked at a library in high school and fell in love with the environment, and when I realized I’d rather die than work in publishing (my previous life’s goal) I gravitated toward library school. I knew from the beginning that I’d need a Master’s -- and a very specific one at that -- so mostly my undergrad was just “grab a foundational degree and have fun with it.” That was really freeing, honestly. I had a ton of fun in undergrad.

Now, if you, Anon, were interested in getting into librarianship I’d have a handful of recommendations. These are all based on my very American experience, and there are probably smarter people than me with better advice but I’m the only one on this blog so heeeeerrreeeee we goooooooooo!

Undergrad

You need a 4-year degree. Full-stop. It doesn’t matter what kind, but you gotta have one to get into grad school.

Like I said, you can do just about anything for an undergraduate degree. Most of the time English is the BA of choice, because librarians love them some books, but some far less common ones that I think would be hugely helpful to a hopeful librarian would be:

Computer Science: Oh my god you need at least a baseline competency in computers/technology please you don’t have to code but you need to be able to turn a computer on and navigate just about any website/office application on just about any device at the very least you need to know how to Google

Business/Marketing: Particularly if you want to work in public libraries, where a bunch of your funding comes from begging politicians and convincing taxpayers to donate/vote to give you money

Law: If you want to be a law librarian

Medical . . . whatever, I don’t know what fields of medicine there are: If you want to work in a hospital or other medical library

History or Art History: If you’re interested in archives or museum librarianship

Education: School librarians in my state require you to be a certified teacher, and no matter what kind of library you end up in, you’ll end up teaching someone something a decent amount of the time

Communications: You’ll be doing a lot of it. Public speaking, too

Spanish/ASL/any not-the-common language: Hey, you never know what your patrons speak

Literally fucking anything I promise it doesn’t matter what you major in you will use it in a library at some point

Just be aware that you will need more than an undergrad degree. You’ll need probably 2 years of postsecondary schooling (more for certain types of librarianship), so get yourself comfortable with the idea of college.

If you’re like me (please don’t be like me), you might toy with the idea of getting a minor or two/double majoring to round out your skill set. Honestly I’d encourage it if you’re comfortable with the workload and have the time or money; like I said, there are no skills or educational background that won’t come in handy at some point. I promise. We see it all.

Along those lines, a wide expanse of hobbies can be hugely helpful too! You never know when your encyclopedic knowledge of Minecraft will be useful to a patron, but it absolutely will be.

Graduate School

All right, you’ve got your lovely little Bachelor’s Degree, maybe in something weird and esoteric for the fun of it . . . now you’re off to do more school!

It’s a bit complicated, because there are a handful of different titles an appropriate degree could have; my school called it “a Master of Science in Information Science” (MSIS), but other schools might just go with “Master’s of Information Science” (MIS), “Master’s of Library Science” (MLS), “Master’s of Library and Information Science” (MLIS) . . . it’s a mess.

What you need to do is make sure the degree is approved by the American Library Association, who decides if a program is good enough to make you a librarian in the States. (Again, if you’re not American, good luck.)

Here’s a list of ALA-accredited programs and the schools that offer them.

The nice thing is accreditation has to be renewed at least every few years, so that means your program is always updated to make sure it’s in line with national standards. I’m not promising you’ll learn everything you need to be a librarian in grad school (oh my god you so won’t not even close hahahaha), but at least in theory you’ll be learning the most up-to-date information and methods.

(I’m curious to see how things have changed; when I was in school from 2015-17, the hot topics in library science were makerspaces (especially 3D printing), turning the library into the community’s “third space,” and learning how to incorporate video games into library cataloging and programming. No idea if those are still the main hot-button issues or if we’ve moved on to something else; I imagine information literacy and fake news are a pretty big one for current library students.)

Anyway! You pick a school, you might have to take a test or two to get in -- I had to take the GRE, which is like the SATs but longer -- almost certainly have to do all that annoying stuff like references and cover letters and all that, but assuming you’re in: now what?

There are a couple options depending on the school and the program, but I’m going to base my discussion around the way my school organized their program at the time, because that’s what I know dammit and I will share my outdated information because I want to.

My school broke the degree down into 5 specializations, which you chose upon application to the program:

Archives & Records Administration: For working in archives! I took some classes here when I was flirting with the idea, and it’s a lot of book preservation, organizing and caring for old documents and non-book media, and digitization. Dovetails nicely into museum work. It’s a very specific skillset, which means there will be jobs that absolutely need what you specifically can do but also means there aren’t as many of them. It makes you whatever the opposite of a “jack of all trades” is. You’re likely to be pretty isolated, so if you want to spend all your time with books this might be a good call; it’s actually one of the few library-related options that doesn’t require a significant amount of public-facing work.

Library & Information Services: For preparation to work in public or academic (college) libraries. Lots of focus on reference services, some cataloging, and general interacting-with-the-public. You have to like people to go into library services in general, heads up.

Information Management & Technology: Essentially meaningless, but you could in theory work as like a business consultant or otherwise do information-related things with corporations or other organizations.

Information Storage & Retrieval: Data analytics, database . . . stuff. I don’t really know. Computers or something. Numbers 3 and 4 really have nothing to do with libraries, but our school was attempting to branch out into more tech-friendly directions. That being said, both this and #3 could definitely be useful in a library! Libraries have a lot of tech, and in some ways business acumen could be helpful. All roads lead to libraries; remember that.

Library & Information Services / School Library Media Specialist: This was the big kahuna. To be a school librarian -- at least in my state -- you need to be both a certified librarian and a certified teacher, which means Master’s degrees in both fields. What our school did was basically smushed them together into a combined degree; you took a slightly expanded, insanely rigorous 2-2.5 years (instead of the traditional 1.5-2) and you came out of it with two degrees and two certifications, ready to throw your butt into an elementary, middle/junior high, or high school library. Lots of focus on education. I started here before realizing I don’t like kids at all, then panicked and left. Back in 2017 this was the best one for job security, because our state had just passed a law requiring all school librarians to be certified with a MSIS/MLS/whatever degree. So lots of people already in school libraries were desperately flinging themselves at this program, and every school was looking for someone that was qualified. No idea if that’s changed in time.

No matter what concentration you went in with, you automatically graduated with a state certification to be a librarian, which was neat. You didn’t automatically get civil service status, though; for some public libraries you need to be put on a civil service list, which means . . . something, I’m not entirely sure. It involves taking exams that are only available at certain times of the year and I gave up on it because it looked hard.

No one did more than 1 concentration, which is dumb because I wanted to do them all, but it takes a lot of time and money to take all the classes associated with all of them so I personally did #2, which was on the upper end of mid-tier popularity. School library and database services were far and away the most popular, and literally no one did the business one because it was basically useless, so library and archives were the middle children of which the library one was prettier.

THAT BEING SAID! Some forms of librarianship require a lot more education. A few of those are:

Law librarians: At least in my state, you gotta be a certified librarian and have a J.D. This is where the “big bucks” are -- though let’s be real, if you want to be a librarian you have zero interest in big bucks; reconcile yourself to being solidly middle-class and living paycheck-to-paycheck for the rest of your life or marrying rich -- which I guess is why it requires the most work.

School librarians: Like I mentioned, depending on the state you might need two degrees, and not all schools smush them into one. You might need to get a separate Master’s in education.

College librarians: Now, this depends on the college and the job; some colleges just need an all-access librarian, like mine. I didn’t need to specialize in anything, I just showed up with my degree and they took me. (Note: these sorts of entry-level positions tend to pay piss. Like, even more piss than most library gigs. Just a heads-up.) However, if you’re looking to get into a library of a higher-end university, you might be asked to have a second Master’s-level or higher degree just to prove you’re academic enough to party at their school. (Let’s be real, Harvard is almost certainly gonna want someone with a Ph.D. at the very least. That’s just how they roll.) Alternatively, the position might be for a specialty librarian, someone in charge of a field-specific library or field-specific reference services; if you’re being asked to head up the Science & Engineering Library at Masshole University, it’s reasonable to expect that you’ll be bringing a degree in engineering or some sort of science to the table. Colleges have so many different needs that predicting what kind of experience/education you should get is a bit of a challenge. Good luck. Some schools will help you out a bit with this; my grad school had dual degree programs where you could share credits between the MSIS and either an English or History Master’s so you could graduate with both in less time. I . . . started this, and then panicked at the thought of more school/writing a thesis and bailed, but it’s great if you’re into that idea!

What’s the point of the Information/Library Science degree?

You have to have the degree. If you don’t have the degree, you don’t get the job and you don’t make-a the money. Resign yourself to getting a Master’s degree or you’re gonna be bummed out and unemployed.

In terms of what you learn? Well, obviously it depends on the program, but I found that a lot of what I learned was only theoretically related to what I do on a daily basis. My instructors were lovely (well, the adjuncts anyway; the full-timers really didn’t want to be there and wanted to be off doing research and shit), but every library is so idiosyncratic and there’s such a massive umbrella of jobs you could get in one -- god, I didn’t even get into things like metadata services, which I learned basically nothing about in grad school but are super important to some positions -- that it’s hard to learn anything practical in a classroom.

However, besides the piece of paper that lets you make-a the money, there are two important things you should get from your grad school education:

Research skills: My god, you’re going to be doing so much research. If you’re a public librarian, you need to know how to Google just about anything. And if you’re a college librarian, being able to navigate a library database and find, evaluate, and cite sources . . . I mean, you’re going to be doing so much of that, showing students how to do that. Like a ridiculous amount of my day is showing students how to find articles in the virtual library. Get good at finding things, because much like Hufflepuffs, librarians need to be great finders.

Internship(s): Just about every library program will require an internship -- usually but not always in replacement of a thesis -- and if the one you’re looking at doesn’t, dump it like James Marsden in a romantic comedy. Internships are hugely important not only because they look good on a resume and give you some of those delicious, delicious references, but they are a snapshot of what your job is going to look like on a day-in, day-out basis; if nothing else, you’ll learn really fast what does and doesn’t appeal to you. As I mentioned, I wanted to be a school librarian for about half a semester. You know what changed my mind? My class required like 40 hours of interning at schools of each level. Being plopped into that environment like a play you’re suddenly acting in? Super helpful in determining whether or not this shit is for you.

What else should I learn, then?

Besides how to research basically anything? Here are some useful skills in just about any library:

Copyright law. Holy shit, do yourself a favor and learn about publishing/distribution laws in your state. Do you wanna show a movie as a fun program? You need to buy a license and follow super specific rules or it’s illegal! Does an instructor want to make copies of their textbook to give to the students? Make sure you know how much they can copy before it’s no longer fair use! Everything in my life would be easier if I’d taken the time to learn anything about copyright. I did not, and now I’m sad. (I lost out on a job opportunity because they wanted the librarian to be particularly knowledgeable in that kinda thing, and I was very not.)

Metadata and cataloging. In theory, you should learn this in grad school, but I was only given the bare basics and it wasn’t enough. Dublin Core, MARC-21, RDF -- there are so many different kinds of metadata schema, and I took a 6-week class in this and still don’t understand any of the words I just used in this sentence. But basically, to add items to a library catalog you often need to know how to input them into your library’s system; to an extent that’ll be idiosyncratic to your library’s software, but some of it will be based on a larger cataloging framework, so familiarity with those is very useful.

Public speaking and education. You’re gonna do a lot of it. Learn how to deal.

General tech savviness. Again, we’re not talking about coding but if you can navigate a WordPress website? If you know how to troubleshoot just about any issue with Microsoft Word, PowerPoint, etc.? If you can unjam printers and install software and use social media you’re going to be a much happier person. At the very least, know how to google tutorials and fake your way through; your IT person can only do so much, and a lot of it is probably going to fall on you.

Social work, diplomacy, general human relations kinda stuff. You’re going to be dealing with all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds, with every political view, personal problem, and life experience under the sun. You need to get very good at being respectful of diversity -- even diversity you don’t like* -- and besides separating your own personal views and biases from your work, you’ll be much better equipped to roll with the punches if you have, for example, conflict resolution training. Shit’s gonna get weird sometimes, I promise. (Once a student came in swinging around butterfly knives and making ninja noises. You know who knew how to deal with that? Not me!)

Standard English writing and mechanics. It’s not fair, but in general librarians are expected to have a competent grasp on the Standard English dialect, and others are less likely to be appreciated by the general populace. Obviously this differs based on your community and environment, and colloquialisms are sometimes useful or even necessary, but as a rule of thumb it’s a good call to be able to write “properly,” even if that concept is imperialist bullshit.

*I don’t mean Nazis. Obviously I don’t mean Nazis. Though there is a robust debate in the library community about whether Nazis or TERFs or whatever should be allowed to like, use library facilities for their own group meetings or whatever. I tend to fall on the “I don’t think so” side of the conversation, but there’s a valid argument to be made about not impeding people’s access to information -- even wrong or harmful information.

Any other advice?

Of course! I love to talk. Let’s see . . .

Get really passionate about freedom of information and access: A library’s main reason for existing is to help people get ahold of information (including fiction) that they couldn’t otherwise access. If you’re a public librarian, you have to care a lot about making sure people can access information you probably hate. (If you’re an academic librarian it’s a little more tricky, because the resources should meet a certain scholarly threshold, and if you’re a school librarian there are issues of appropriateness to deal with, but in general more info to more people is always the direction to push.) Get ready to defend your library purchases to angry patrons or even coworkers; get ready to defend your refusal to purchase something, if that’s necessary. Get ready to hold your nose and cringe while you add American Sniper to your library collection, because damn it, your patrons deserve access to the damn stupid book. Get really excited about finding new perspectives and minority representation, because that’s also something your patrons deserve access to. Get really excited about how technology can make access easier for certain patrons, and figure out how to make it happen in your library. Care about this; it’s essential that you’re passionate about information -- helping your patrons find it, making sure they can access it, evaluating it, citing it . . . all of it. Get ranty about it. Just do it.

Be prepared to move if necessary: One of my professors told us that there was one thing that would always guarantee you a job that paid well -- this was in 2016 but still -- that as long as you had it you could do whatever you wanted. And that was a suitcase. Maybe where you live is an oversaturated market (thanks for having 6 library schools in a 4-hour radius, my state). Maybe something something economic factors I don’t really understand; the point is that going into this field, you should probably make peace with the idea that you’ll probably either end up taking a job that doesn’t make enough money or struggle a lot to even find one . . . or you’re going to have to go where the jobs are. It’s a small field. Just know that might be a compromise you have to make, unless you can get a strictly remote job.

Read: This sounds stupidly obvious but it’s true! Read things that aren’t your genre, aren’t your age range; patrons are going to ask you for reading advice all the goddamn time, especially if you’re a public librarian, so the more you can be knowledgeable about whatever your patrons might ask you about, the easier your life will be. If you’re considering librarianship you probably love to read anyway, so just ride that pony as hard as you possibly can.

Learn to be okay with weeding -- even things you don’t think deserve it: You are going to have to recycle books. You’re going to have to throw away books. You’re going to have to take books out of the collection and make them disappear in some fashion or another. There are a lot of reasons -- damage and lack of readership are big ones -- and there’s no bigger red flag to a librarian than someone saying “I could never destroy a book.” That kind of nonsense is said by people who’ve never had to fit 500 books onto a shelf built for 450. Archivists are different, of course, as are historians, and everyone should have a healthy respect for books both as physical objects and as sources of information, but you’re going to have to get rid of them sometimes, and you’re just going to have to learn how to do that dispassionately.

Have fun! No one gets into this because they want money; if you want to be a librarian, or work in any library-adjacent field, it’s because you really care about the values of librarianship, or the people in your community, or preserving and sharing as great a wealth of information as possible. Your job will often be thankless and it’ll sometimes be exhausting. There will be times where it’s actually scary. And unless you’re rich as balls, it will make you stare at your student loans and sigh with despair. (You may be living in your parents’ basement while you sigh at your loans because you can’t afford to live on your own, for an example that has zero relevance to any authors of this blog, living or dead.) I can’t tell you if it’s worth it -- though you’ll probably find out pretty quickly during your internship, because that’s what internships are for. All I can say is that I love it, and I can’t imagine doing anything else.

#ask forest #libraries #librarianship #information science #career advice #education advice #oh my god this is long #i have a lot of feelings okay?#there is no way on earth anyone will read all of this #if you do tell me bc i will not believe it #Anonymous

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