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#but funny

My neighbor (please keep in mind that he is an older gentleman with a beer belly and a good amount of grey hair) just nyoomed down the road in his tiny go cart followed behind his friend (equally old, and grey with a beer belly) on a small child’s dirt bike.
Last night they did this and his friend had to drive back without him because his go cart battery cut out.
When his friend got back he got in the truck to go pick him up but as he started to pull out of the driveway here he comes down the road shining a flashlight at the truck to make sure his friend didn’t run him over.
The best part is that this isn’t even the weirdest shit that has went on here.
Most of the time I’m the weird shit doer though.

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I hate the kids at my school that take latin

“wElL nOw I kNoW wHERe WoRDs cOmE fRoM wHilE yOuRe lEArNing gErMan”

Like shut the fuck up there’s a higher chance that someone knows German or Chinese than Latin, and half the words you learn in Latin are about voilence. Sure it might be useful but I’d rather learn an actual used language I wish I knew than some dead one.

Just take ur fucking class and shut up.

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Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus ( or Caligula), one of Rome’s greatest tyrants and the last of the Julii Caesares, made his favorite horse, Incitatus, into a priest by feeding him oats with gold flakes.

Caligula thought his horse was worthy of more than that though. Incitatus was a good boy. As a treat, he also planned to make the horse a consul.

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*Edit, this did originally have nice spacing but Tumblr fucked it and I CBA to sort it now*

Its bad enough that our clients seem to be some of the most stupid people in the world but also dealing with government bodies which are equally as dumb.. here are a few of the best examples this week.

Dvla:

Colleague calls DVLA and asks if we can do ABC.

Dvla says yes and tells us to send a letter requesting ABC to this address.

We send the letter, they eventually reply and say that doing ABC isn’t possible.

We call them again and they say that it isn’t possible to do ABC but we can do XYZ instead.

Like why the fuck say it’s possible, waste our time getting us to send a letter, to then say it’s NOT possible?! 😑

Companies House;

I call them, ask them if we can do ABC and explain the situation. They put me on hold and come back saying they absolutely cannot do ABC, there is no way around it.

I found information online to confirm they can actually do, what they told me they couldn’t.

I call them again and quote the form number and just confirm I’m correct in thinking this form will help me do ABC. They confirm it will 🤦‍♀️

But our clients are next level stupid.. here are a few examples.

*Our prices have recently gone from including VAT to being PLUS VAT. VAT is 20%*

Client: Wow, I can’t believe you’ve put your prices up by 33%… 33% is a lot.

Us: VAT is 20%, our prices technically increased by 20%

Client: 33%! Horrendous!

Where the fuck did they get 33% from? 🤷‍♀️

I send a client a PAID invoice (technically a receipt).

Client: I HAVE ALREADY PAID!!!!!!

Me: Yes, this is a paid invoice, please see below where it states “thank you for your payment.”

A marketing ad recently went out to advertise our telephone answering service.

Client: I have your TA service already and it’s great.. my number is XXXXX, I have misplaced my invoice, please can you respond?

Me: *resends invoice*

Client: Thank you for sending the invoice, please could you confirm our TA number?

Me:………. “as YOU stated on your last email, your TA number is XXXXX”

LORD HELP ME. How do these people survive their day to day lives?! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I can’t think of more examples but this has been my ENTIRE WEEK.

This is also an example, not from this week but it’s still one of my favourites..

Client: I want to buy XYZ service.

Colleague: You already have XYZ service.

Client: I want to buy XYZ service.

Colleague: But you already have XYZ service, you do not need to buy it.

Client: I WANT TO BUY XYZ SERVICE. THIS SERVICE RIGHT HERE!!! *sends screenshots of this service*

Colleague: You have XYZ service, you do not need to buy it because you have already bought it. Take it. It’s yours!

Client: I want to speak to your manager!

Me: hello, how can I help?

Client: YOUR SUPPORT TEAM ARE SHIT. I WANT TO BUY XYZ SERVICE.

Me: You already have XYZ service. You purchased with your initial order. *sends original order, invoice and screenshots from their online account clearly stating they have XYZ service*

This is also a firm favourite.

Angry client: YOU’VE RETURN MY LETTERS. MY COMPANY HAS FINES AND WILL BE DISSOLVED. I WANT YOU TO PAY FEES AND I WANT COMPENSATION.. etc

Me: *checks address they’re using* I’m afraid you’ve put (made up number) 44 instead of 47. Your letters would have never come to us as you’ve put an incorrect address.

*sassy comment moment* I can assure you that if you amend your address to 47, you will see a vast improvement in your mail handling service.

I. CAN’T. DO. THIS. ANYMORE. 🤦‍♀️😑🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Bilbo*completely innocent*:

Good Morning!

Gandalf*seriously complicated*:

What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it to be or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?

Bilbo*cautiously answering*:

…all of them?

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