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valeffelees · 2 months

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Oh do tell about that snowbaz au of yours 👀

I WOULD FUCKING LOVE TO, thank you so much tumblr user pidgelikethebird (and also my most beloved and loyal companion @drowninginships) for providing me the enrichment i need to survive the winter.

ok gimme a min here to turn my thoughts into comprehensible words. i'm gonna say right now: this post is gonna be a LONG one, but 10 out of 10 scientists agree you should read to the end.

so, if you didn't know, The Beauty Inside is a Korean romcom from 2015, based off an American short film of the same name; the orig short film i linked is an extremely quick watch (only 6 episodes, each one 4-10 minutes long) and i would absolutely recommend it, but the very basics of the premise is that: a man wakes up in his bed on his 18th birthday to find he's in a completely different body than his own, and every day since then, he wakes up as somebody new.

AND OBVS I JUST HAD TO FUCKING SNOWBAZ THAT, which is how my AU, titled In the Many Ways of Loving You, was born:

Simon Snow wakes up every day as somebody new; the only person who knows the truth is Penny, his best friend and roommate, since she's been by his side since it all began ten years ago.

he works on commission as a custom bookbinder—like, he has an Etsy or some shit, i dunno, some kinda online shop where people can commission him in a variety of ways to rebind their favourite books, either by paying extra for Simon to buy the book himself and rebind it from new and send it to them, or sometimes collectors will send their personal copies to him to have him rebind them, and he's very good at it, and N E WAY the point of this is that he has a small bookshop he's been going to regularly for the last eight or so years, because it's close to his and Penny's flat, and where the story begins: Baz is a new employee that just started working there about two weeks ago and Simon has a massive crush on him.

ok, now. day one: when we meet Simon for the first time, he wakes up and he's lovely and blonde and brown-eyed and ok, yeah, i've just made him look like Agatha bc i thought it'd be kinda funny, esp since Agatha's not actually in the fic otherwise.

and Simon has to pick up a copy of some random book from the bookshop today bc someone bought a custom binding of it, so he goes down and, as usual, since it's his job, Baz has to come over to talk to him and is like, "hey, can I help you with anything?" and Simon doesn't need any help bc he's been coming to this shop for years, but every time Baz asks he says yes bc he wants the excuse to talk to him, and on this day Simon is like, wait. i'm so hot rn. so he asks Baz out—

and Baz is like [finger guns] absolutely not.

and Simon is like 👁️👄👁️ welp i'm in fucking agony.

but whatever, fine. a guy like Baz is prolly already in a proper relationship, and it's always a bad idea for Simon to get involved with someone he has to see on the reg. he had to start going to a different coffee shop that's twenty minutes out of his way bc he went out on a great date with one of the baristas at his old spot and then obvs couldn't go out again after just that one time, and it made him super emo, so really, Baz saying no was prolly for the best.

TIMESKIP, it's been a few days and Simon has to go down to the bookshop again. but this time he's a bloke. and so Baz comes up to ask if Simon needs help and he says yeah, as usual, and the two of them end up having a bantery convo about the book Simon's looking for bc they've both read it and Baz hated it, but Simon loved it, and it's just very cute and casual, and then Baz is like. so, my shift ends in liiike... four hours. are you doing anything?

and Simon is like. OH. OH!!!

that whole "it's prolly for the best" thing? yeah, fuck that, that was Simon of the past, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about bc cute bookshop guy wants to hang out and so they go out and have the most fucking insane romcom date ever.

'cause you gotta remember, Simon only gets one real day with people, so he doesn't do like casual coffee dates or movies or whatever. they go out and like fucking B&E a museum after hours bc Simon knows someone like the janitor or something (i dunno) leaves one of the back doors unlocked so he can step out for a cig every few hours, so they sneak in and have the time of their life running around looking at art while trying not to get caught, and we're going to use the suspended disbelief bestowed upon us by the power of romcoms to pretend security cameras aren't a thing, and it is BRILLIANT. like, Simon and Baz have so much chemistry, and when the night ends Baz is just like all smiles and creased eyes and messy black hair and, breathlessly: "I want to see you again."

and Simon's heart drops. because he wants to see Baz again, too, but he can't. no matter how much he wants to, he can't. when he wakes up tomorrow he's going to be someone new, so he can't, he can't, he can't, he—

"Yeah," he says. "Tomorrow?"

SIMON NO!!!

"It's a date."

FUCK!!!

ok, so now we have a problem. Simon can't just stand him up, i mean he could but he doesn't want to, and he really does want to see him again, so he does the only thing he can think of: he stays awake. all fucking night.

Baz, the next day: "You look exhausted."

Simon, wired asf on caffeine and trying to be smooth: "Had someone on my mind all night."

and then they go have another wicked date, but i have nothing in my notes about what it is. oh, i have them living in Canada in this fic btw bc as a rule, if a fic doesn't have to be set in England, i move them to Canada for comfort. so i might have them go cliff jumping or something? who knows. we'll go with that for now.

cue the romcom montage.

[mother tongue starts playing SO DON'T SAY YOU LOVE ME FALA AMO, JUST LET YOUR HEART SPEAK UP AND I'LL KNOW]

ok. post-date. Simon is so dumb and infatuated with Baz and does something only a boy who is dumb and infatuated and sleep-deprived would do in his situation, and he goes back to Baz's flat with him to "watch a movie", or in other words: the movie starts and then they prolly have sex, but in my notes this is written as "??? smash ???" so i guess it's kinda up in the air.

either way, Simon passes the fuck out at Baz's place bc he was properly exhausted by that point, and he wakes up to Baz screaming at him bc obvs he looks like a different person now.

Simon, half-asleep: [PANICKED FLAILING] BAZ IT'S ME!!! STOP THROWING THINGS!!! BAZ!!! IT'S ME, IT'S SIMON!!!

and Baz is like: WHAT THE FUCK

and Simon is like: I CAN EXPLAIN

and Baz is like: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE

and Simon is like: I CAN EXPLAIN!!!

so, here's a detail from the orig film that comes into play here: in the orig movie, the MC keeps a video diary, logging every day what his face looks like, and in this, Simon does this on his phone and backs them up to his computer every hundred days, so he gives Baz his phone and tells him the whole story while Baz scrolls through these short like minute long videos of Simon on various days going, "Hey, this is me today. I have [this and such] thing to do, blah blah blah."

and the thing is, Baz recognises him in some of them. bc Simon is always coming into the bookshop. he stops watching when he gets to the day Simon looked like Agatha, and Simon has been quiet for a while at this point, just letting Baz process.

Baz: "I want you to leave."

Simon takes his phone without a word and goes. Penny picks him up on the corner a block over and drives him back to their flat. she doesn't ask what happened. she already has a pretty good idea.

when Simon's next commission comes in, he thinks about going to another bookshop, he really does. but this one is so convenient, esp since Simon can't drive bc he can't risk getting pulled over carrying a licence that doesn't have his face on it, and he's been going there for eight years and it's not like Baz will recognise him anyway.

so, to the bookshop he goes, but this time when Baz comes up to ask if he needs help, Simon is like, "haha, no that's okay," and goes back to looking for things on his own, and Baz kinda lingers awkwardly for a moment before going on his way, but then when Simon comes up to the till to pay for the book, Baz just stands there staring at him. and Simon is so uncomfortable, like, he just wants to leave—

"Simon?"

SORRY, YOU WHAT?

"What?" Simon gapes at him. "How did— how did you? But I'm—"

"Can we talk?" Baz asks.

"How did you know it was—"

Baz shouts over to the other employee on the floor that he's taking his lunch break, and Simon just slowly follows him out of the shop with the book forgotten, unpaid for, at the check-out.

and here's the deal, Baz liked Simon a stupid amount considering they'd only gone on two dates, but they were good dates, and Baz doesn't date much, so he's a bit hung up on just how much he liked Simon and the weird way shit ended, so he's basically like. i want to see it again. and Simon is like, see what? and Baz is like, you. the... whatever that you do, i want to see you change.

and that's how Simon ends up bringing Baz back to his flat, and btw: Simon has a rule about never bringing people back to his flat bc it's weird as fuck. his room is really tiny, and it's cluttered as fuck in a Howl's bedroom type way. he keeps to the same cheap, casual style for all his clothes, but he needs things in a bunch of sizes. shoes are a nightmare. he has to take care of his hair in a million different fucking ways. so he has the lives of a dozen people shoved into a room the size of a shoebox, and his mattress has no frame. that shit is just on the floor, so it takes up less space. and there's this mirror, a wide full bodied mirror, propped up against the wall facing the bed, so that the first thing Simon can do each day is roll over and look at himself.

Simon and Baz have supper together, they talk, they pretend this isn't weird as fuck and, even though it is weird as fuck, they still have so much chemistry, and this is a fanfic, so they just end up having sex again but it's supposed to be kinda emo and tender and look, it's what my heart wants, ok?

morning comes. Simon wakes to Baz's hands on his face. which is already and improvement compared to last time. Baz is looking at him very seriously, but also very like. softly. he's touching Simon's features, tracing them, and Simon is quiet for a very long time, watching him do this, until he's just like. what are you doing.

Baz: "Getting to know you." A pause. "Why does it happen?"

Simon: "I don't know."

Baz: "Are there other people like you?"

Simon: "I don't know."

Baz, sighing: "Well, what do you know?"

Simon: "That I'm still me. Inside, I mean. Like... if you had a book, and every day you gave it a new cover, the story wouldn't change."

Baz: "You must get lost on a lot of shelves."

Simon: "Yeah."

and from there, Baz is just a part of Simon's life the same way Penny is, he knows the truth, and he deals with it. for the first time in Simon's adult life, he gets to really date. he and Baz do a bunch of domestic shit together, for months, and it's so good. all of it is so good, all the time, and they fall so fucked up deep in love with each other.

(detail from this point that is relevant later: Baz and Simon make a game out of Baz recognising Simon at work on days when he hasn't seen yet what he looks like. Simon will come in and try to act like a stranger, but Baz can Where's Waldo him every time.)

but then Christmas comes. and Baz has to go home to see his family. and i don't have an exact idea of how this convo goes, only that it is not a fight of any kind, like, it is a normal convo about the holidays but Baz apologises to Simon during it for not telling his family about him, he says they'd want Baz to bring Simon home if he did (bc i just don't wanna fuck with homophobia in this so we've shot Malcolm with the ally beam) and he wouldn't know how to explain Simon's whole... thing to them, and Simon kinda realises that like. he can't ever be the type of boyfriend Baz can bring home to his family. he can't ever be the type of boyfriend Baz gets to have a normal life with.

SO SIMON GHOSTS HIM.

like, Baz comes back from his family's place, annoyed that Simon hasn't returned any of his texts or calls, only to find that Simon and Penny have literally fucking moved flats in the two weeks he's been gone. and obvs he's fucking devastated and confused by this and desperately trying to get Simon to respond to him, but he won't.

Simon goes out of his way to find a new bookshop to go to, and that's the end of things for about a week or so, and i haven't actually decided what happens here exactly, but the general idea i wanna go with is that Simon goes to the bookshop Baz works at just for the sake of seeing him, checking up on him, bc he misses him.

but remember that game they played? so yeah, Baz walks up to say his usual like, "hey, can I help you find anything?" but he fucking clocks Simon after like ten seconds.

scene change: they're in Simon's new flat, like maybe Baz demanded that if Simon is going to break up with him he owes it to him to do it goddamn properly, but i dunno. details, details. but they end up getting in a huge fucking fight and Simon reveals the reason he ghosted Baz was bc he realised Baz can't have a real life with him and Baz is like:

"You don't get to decide that for me! You're still you, you're still lovely—"

"You don't even know what I look like!"

"I don't care what you look like, you fucking moron, I care that you're Simon Snow! There's a person inside you that exists every day, even when everything else changes, and he's lovely. I love him. The rest doesn't matter, how can you not see that? Stop telling me I'm not allowed to love you however you are, I'll love you a hundred different ways, Simon. Any size, any shape. I'll love you over, and over, and over. That's a life for me. A real life for me. You!"

and then Simon throws his arms around Baz's neck and hugs him like he needs him to breathe and Baz clings to his shirt and they're both prolly crying all loud and gross, but it's fine. they're gonna be fine.

the next day: Simon wakes up to Baz's mouth on the back of his neck. "Like this one, then?" he says.

"Loveliest yet." Baz brushes his knuckles over the slope of Simon's shoulder. "Freckles, curls, broad shoulders... Mmm, maybe we should stay in bed today."

Simon laughs and rolls over to pin Baz to the mattress, grinning at him. he goes to say something, prolly rib at him the way they do, but as he does he catches his reflection in that mirror he keeps by his bed and he freezes.

"Holy shit!" he shouts, and shoves himself up onto his knees. "That's me!"

Baz rolls his eyes. "Yes, yes, I told you—"

Simon shakes his head furiously. "No, it's. Baz. I'm. Jesus fucking Christ, that's me. Baz, that's me."

Baz sits up slowly. "Do you mean—"

"Fuck, holy shit!" Simon grabs his curls with both hands. he hasn't touched these curls in ten fucking years. he looks older than he remembers himself, which is a given, but it's definitely him. his father's eyes, his mother's chin. the moles on his cheek, above his eyebrow, below his ear.

Simon freaks out in a way that kinda toes the line between being happy and being a breakdown, he throws himself at Baz, and they both fall back onto the bed and Simon is laughing and he's shaking and he doesn't understand, he doesn't get it, but holy fuck, he has his own face, he has his own body, he has his own hands. Baz pushes them apart so he can get a look at him, and Simon is actually kinda self-conscious when he does, which is a new feeling. he never has to feel self-conscious about anything, usually, since he knows every flaw or insecurity isn't really his, and will be gone the next day, but this is just... him.

Baz takes Simon's face in his hands and then, breathlessly, "Hello, Simon Snow."

AND THEN THEY KISS bc what else would they do here.

and uhh, yeah. so. Simon goes out to the kitchen where Penny is making breakfast and she loses her shit when she sees him. big hugs all around. Baz really does take the day off work to spend it with Simon, even though that just means lying around on the sofa watching movies while Simon works on his current rebinding commission. when Penny gets home that evening, they order takeaway and sit around the lounge room playing boardgames together until late, late, late into the night. Penny falls asleep in the armchair, and now it's 3-am.

Simon is tired. he's looking at the clock, sitting with his knees up and his arms around them, with Baz beside him. Baz has his forehead on his shoulder, an arm around his waist. he doesn't want to go to bed, because what if... what if it was only for today. how long will it be until the next time? what if there is no next time, what if, what if—

"We'll still be here," Baz whispers, exhausted. "And you'll still be you. No matter what, Simon."

and so they go to bed.

Simon wakes up to Baz's mouth on the back of his neck.

"Good morning, Simon Snow."

AND YEAH, that is the entire plot of my The Beauty Inside AU.

i told you this was gonna be a long one, but if you've made it all the way to the end of this mess, thank you kindly again for indulging me!

#ngl i wanted to sign up for the cobb with this fic idea really bad but at the time i wasnt confident i could manage #taking part in a fandom event. i might think about signing up for it next year if it runs again but who knows #thanks for hanging out!#snowbaz #ask #pidgelikethebird

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chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter · 3 months

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you are so right about sanzu/takuya. i wanna hear all about them! what are your hcs? I'm so curious!

First of all, thanks for this question anon, it make me so happy to know someone else like them! 💜

In case some one is curious where this comes from, here is my HaruTaku fic!

Okay, for properly answering this I think that I also need to go first with my Sanzu hc for that specific timeline, because for me is related in why they make sense! (and bc I love talking about my lil gremlin, ngl)

Sanzu headcanons for Bad Toman Takemichi TL:

Okay, obv he did wharever he could for being close to Mikey, that goes without saying. But there is two big differences with Bonten.

He's not the second in command, so he has to kinda obey Kisaki (what he hates, always giving that silent hater looks 😎). But since he never showed that "good guys toman type of morals", Kisaki allows him to be one of the fews that still sees Mikey, bc he's not going to influence him or stuff like that, Sanzu is totally fine with the darkness (he isn't bc it triggers him tl0 memories but his denial is strong xD) So his job here is mostly watching over Mikey and ofc, getting rid of traitors! No way Kisaki didn't use that once he realizes, Sanzu devotiton is too easy to control and too useful for his own good 🥲

In the other side, this means is less confident about himself than what we saw in Bonten. He's still unhinged but he's not that loud about it, he doesn't have the selfsteem boost of being his king's right hand. So in a way, he's more insecure about himself and the mission he does, since he has less control about what happens to Mikey. Also, Sanzu is a weirdo, so like happened in early Toman he doesn't properly fit with the rest, besides job related thing he doesn`t have friends there (we could count Mucho if in this timeline Izana was never on the picture, but even with that Sanzu doesn't easyly trust people). It took him more time to stop wearing his mask here and it was probably more gradual!

And what we know about Takuya?

Not much, just that he's a sweet person and a good friend. He probably followed the rest of the Mizo gang (specially Takemichi) and got caught in Toman's violence.

He wears a choker in this timeline and had and aming glow-up including some sick tattoos. Pretty boy with sumi vibes!

This is where my hc starts, there is something about Takuya that screams addiction to me. I don't know how to explain it, maybe is his dull eyes, maybe his body language, but Takuya is coping with drugs (mostly downers bc he just wants to disappear for a few hours... Takuya is a softy 🥲)

Finally... HaruTaku headcanons!

One thing about addicts is that we have a radar, we know when someone else is an addict (similar to gaydar but more selfdestructive). So Sanzu probably started noticing the subtle changes in Takuya and he was intrigue about it. Specially coming from someone that was always surrounded by people he dispised. They never really interacted before, but Sanzu started paying more attention to Takuya, noticing more things about him, like how Takuya was actually shy and sweet behind that quiet appearence. And yeah, maybe a part of him felt indentified with that, he could understand having to act quiet to hide yourself better than anyone. For some reason, Sanzu started thinking that maybe they have more in common that it seems at first sight, and we all know he can be a little bit obsessive, so...

At some point, Sanzu aproached to Takuya. He probably created a situation when it could feel almost natural, I personally picture him waiting until Takuya is having some drinks alone (no way he's gonna talk with the other idiots if he can avoid it) and sitting next to him, paying the next round.

Takuya was probably intimidated, with reasons. But at the same time, he was drunk and high and Sanzu is pretty, so damn pretty! So he couldn't and wouldn't resist, it was easy for him to feel flatered by Sanzu's awkward way of flirting (c'mon, he doesn't have social skills, we all know that). And Sanzu? He just told to himself that he was curious, nothing more. Just one night for satisfying his curiosity, that was all. For understanding why on earth he felt that weird attraction towards Takuya.

OBVIOUSLY IT WASN'T ONE NIGHT! 🔥

Mix two pretty boys that are craving for love and affection and a lot of drugs? Recipy for disaster and unhealthy relationship, yey!

The fact Takuya is a submissive person who is numbed by the drugs most of the time and Sanzu has a lot of pent-up agression and is usually high of a mix that includes more estimulants than what Takuya is doing, only leads to unsafe sex where no-one is controlling shit or in the proper state of mind to be aware of how dangerous is what they are doing. What means a lot of next day regrets! 🎉 (extra: Sanzu has a kink with Takuya's neck and is obsessed with the choker, he calls him "pretty neck" on bed. Takuya weakness is Sanzu in high-heels, specially if they are red, I'm not projecting at all on that one, nopes 👀).

Besides sex, there is more to say about their dynamic, don't worry!

Takuya is the type to be sweet and caring, he hides that side of himself inside of Toman but still shows it in his personal life. It wasn't easy for him to feel relaxed around Sanzu and he was afraid of showing his kindness and being mock by the other. But for me Takuya is also an observing person, so I think it didn't took him a long time to realized how wounded is Sanzu, how he actually hates being in his own mind more than anything, how much he craves love, aproval, affection. So he started showing more of his loving side, having small gestures towards the other, always in private. Physical displays of affection in general, but also waking him with coffee, paying attention to his needs or his routine, making sure he felt comfortable even when they slept in Takuya's apartment (that now is always extremely clean only for Sanzu)

And Sanzu? He was melting with all of this. Well, to be fair at the beginning he was baffled, unsure or what to do or how react to someone showing him affection and kindnes, specially since Takuya didn't seem to be expecting anything in return. But once he finally understood it was fine to let Takuya spoil him and treat him like he actually deserved love... Then he was melting. Wakui said Sanzu is the most needy/clingy, so he started to be the one asking (demanding) for affection, wanting to be pampered, resting his head on Takuya's lap and enjoying how he plays with his hair (that's a privilege, he's really protective of his glorious pink hair! It's totally baji's fault)

Do they love each other? Well, that's complicated. Their relationship is not exactly public and they never talked about what it is, always pretending is something casual. It's easier like that (no it's not but they are bad at feelings). Takuya is aware that he's falling more for Sanzu every day, but he's terrified of the other reaction if he actually says the three words, so he hides it. Or tries to, because he pours this love in every small gesture, specially during their lazy mornings, when between the hangover and the guilt Sanzu acts a lot softer, wanting to give Takuya all the after-care he's able to dom

And Sanzu... Well, he wouldn't say he loves loves Takuya (because Mikey exists 😮‍💨), but he admits to himself that he deeply cares about the other. That there is more than atraction, that he enjoys their time together. Affection? A less obsessive love than what he feels for Mikey? He isn't sure and he can't deal with it, so he settles with caring.

Of course, we also need to talk about Mikey's ghost! Sanzu knows Takuya is not Mikey, is not that he's projecting him on the other all the time, it's just... He yearns for Mikey, he can't help it. So, sometimes, Takuya's blond locks make him feel that longing and he can't stop himself to imagine for a few seconds (delusional HaruMai in every timeline, hell yeah!🔥). In counted ocasions, when he's really high and out of himself, he says Mikey's name during sex and pretends to not remember the next morning because he feels too ashamed of it. He remembers more than he wishes, but he feels like shit and can't talk about that, he can't avoid feeling guilty, thinking that Takuya deserves better, deserves somone that is not using him as a replacement. Takuya understanding only adds more fuel to his guilt.

In that ocasions he tends to act distant for a few days, trying to dettach himself, to pretend he doesn't miss Takuya's affection. Until reality comes crushing down on him again and he ends up looking for Takuya, knocking at his door in the middle of the night.

Takuya felt hurt the first few times this cycle happened, but he didn't had the courage to actually confront Sanzu about it. Until one of that nights he saw how broken was Sanzu, he saw a little bit of the pain that the other usually hides from the rest of the world. It was the first Sanzu cried infront of him and the first time he called him "Haruchiyo", earning a surprised look and a weak smile 🥹

Since then, when Sanzu acts like that Takuya gives him space, understanding is not about him, that the other is fighting with his personal demonds.

And... That's it for now because I need to stop myself at some point or this will end up being longer than a fic. Maybe I will add more things in the future! 🙈

And hey, now that I look at it, they are not that terrible for each other if it wasn't for the amount of drugs and the dangerous sex. But hey, there is also love and sweetness and Sanzu needs that, so... Not that bad? 👀

I almost forgot! @lucifugousart is the amazing artist that did a Takuya fanart and is cooking something even better!

(feel free to add your own hc too, Andre! HaruTaku is a collaborative ship 😌)

#i ended up doing a longer post than the proper fic oopsie #i hope this hc makes sense and is what you wanted anon!#i could ramble about this for hours #well about sanzu in general #harutaku #sanzu haruchiyo #takuya yamamoto #tokyo revengers headcanons #tokyo revengers

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runningfrom2am · 11 months

Text

the sea around us; chapter fifteen

In which Rafe Cameron has to choose between his dad and a pogue who's changing his outlook on life more and more every day.

(rafe cameron x f!oc)

(eventual!jj maybank x f!oc)

warnings/tags: violence, drug/alcohol use, smoking, sexual content (if you squint), slowburn, older brother’s best friend, (these tags are obv not exhaustive but regardless it’s pretty PG13)

wc: 2.8k

my masterlist

series masterlist

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

"You take her home and come straight back here! I mean it!" I hear Ward yelling as I sit in the passenger seat of Rafe's car. Rafe is just standing there, nodding. When we got back about an hour ago, I went with Sarah up to her room to get my stuff, and then she disappeared. Rafe came and got me from her room when he thought his dad was done yelling, but apparently, he wasn't. I feel horrible. If I hadn't agreed to come this wouldn't have happened. If I had just stayed on the cut, this wouldn't have happened. I don't belong, and because they gave me a chance, I ruined their night. I feel my lip quiver and a tear threatening to fall from my eye as my chest tightens. I can't cry. I just can't.

I see Rafe coming up to the driver's side and I take a deep breath. He gets in and slams the door, driving off quickly without saying a word. I'm scared to look at him. After a few minutes, Rafe pulls over on the side of the road, just across the bridge onto the cut. "I'm so sorry, Rafe.." I whisper, and he doesn't respond, just staring straight ahead as I look at him now. His jaw is clenched, and he's gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles are almost white. I reach down and quietly take off my shoes, and open the door to get out. "Thank you for everything, again. I'll still pay you back I swear." I go to get out of the car, my bare feet hitting the pavement.

"Get back in the car," Rafe says suddenly and I freeze.

"No, it's totally fine. It's really not that far, I can walk." I smile, trying to come across as genuine since I still have tears on my cheek.

"You're not walking," He says seriously, "Get back in the car." I slowly sit back down, watching his expression carefully.

"I just- I just needed a second I'm not kicking you out." He tries to explain and I nod a little bit.

"Of course, I'm so sorry," I say, trying not to sound like I'm crying.

"My dad is just such a dick! I hate him..." He mumbles, letting go of the steering wheel and rubbing his face. "I hate him so much- I'm never enough for him and I am fucking sick of it!" He shouts, suddenly punching the wheel, making me flinch in my seat. That's when he looks at me.

"No, no, no wait don't cry..." His voice softens and he reaches over and wipes my tears with his thumbs, leaving his hands on my cheeks. "Hey, please don't cry... I'm sorry I scared you." He says and I shake my head, holding my hands against his on my cheeks.

"You didn't, I'm sorry," I say, shaking my head a little and sniffling. "I just- I knew this would happen, I knew I wouldn't fit in but I said yes anyways, and now your dad is blaming you, and you spent a ridiculous amount of money on me and all I did was ruin his party.." I ramble on until he cuts me off.

"Snowy, it's not like that," Rafe says, pulling his hands from my face. "My dad.." He sighs. "My dad just hates me, I'm not Sarah, that's what the problem is. I'm not Sarah and I'll never be good enough for him."

"I know that feeling..." I say, making him smile a little bit sympathetically. I wipe under my eyes, looking at the makeup smeared all over my palm. "I mean, screw him for not seeing how great you are. That's his choice." Rafe nods a little bit, thinking about it.

"I... I just-" He starts talking, rubbing his forehead. "Fuck it. Fuck it- it doesn't matter." He sighs, starting the car again.

"Hey, you can talk to me, you know.." I tell him honestly.

"I know... yeah." Rafe sighs, running his hand through his hair. "How do you know that feeling?" He asks me. I think he wants me to explain so he knows that I do truly understand- that I will listen to him.

"Well," I wipe my eyes again, trying not to mess up my makeup that I know is already beyond saving at this point, "Kegs is the golden child. My parents adore him. He's their first baby, and if I'm being brutally honest I was an accident, but everything was fine until the twins came along, and then I became a full-time unpaid nanny when I was six, and I don't know what happened but something shifted at that point and it's like I disappeared, almost." I ramble on. "I don't know if that makes sense, but like, they think he's so perfect. He literally does coke and smokes or whatever, one time I walked into the house smelling like weed and my mom hit me when Kegs will literally smoke on the porch and she doesn't bat an eye. He's so clearly their favorite and I'm so clearly their least favorite that it doesn't matter what I do at this point, It'll never make a difference, I guess." I shrug a little.

Rafe just nods a little, and I pull a section of hair from behind my ear and start wrapping it around my finger. I hope I said the right thing. "I didn't know you felt that way. Like about your brother and your family." He says, which shocks me that he doesn't want to talk about himself when he's the one so upset.

"I love them more than anything, of course, but I think that's part of the problem. I wish I didn't care so much for people who don't care about me." I explain.

Rafe shakes his head at that. "Your brother loves you so much. I think, like, your mom built him into this guy who will always rely on you or Erin or whatever girl walks into his life next more than he should for like basic shit. He cares, though, truly. He'd do anything for you."

"I don't want to talk about that." I shake my head. "I just like, want you to know that I understand you more than you think."

A small smile tugs at his lips while he looks at me. "We really are the meanest and scariest neglected kids in the OBX, huh?" He jokes, reaching out and grabbing a strand of my hair as well, twirling it between his fingers.

"Oh yeah, the A-team." I giggle.

"I just... I don't really want to talk about parents anymore." Rafe insists, his smile fading slightly.

"No, totally. I should probably get to that mandatory meetinganyways..." I agree, looking at the time on the dashboard.

"Wait, I... Can I, uh can we hang out more? I just don't want to go home yet." Rafe asks and I nod.

"Of course, yeah. Of course." I assure him. "I just need to text my friends and let them know.." I say, grabbing my phone from my bag, seeing like a dozen missed calls from all of them. "Shit.." I mumble, frantically texting them back. John B is in the hospital. I immediately call Pope.

"Everything okay?" Rafe asks, continuing to glance over at me as he drives. I shake my head and wipe my cheeks again and tap my foot as I wait for him to answer. "What's going on? Snowy?" He asks just as Pope picks up the phone.

"Pope- thank god you answered. What happened? Where are you?" I ask.

"We're at the hospital, can you come right now?"

"Yeah, of course. I'm on my way. Is JB okay? What happened?" I ask again.

"Apparently Topper pushed him off the tower, we're with Sarah, John B was up there with Sarah and Topper pushed him off," Pope explains, and I feel my heart stop for a minute.

"Holy shit... okay, I'll see you soon," I say, hanging up, I look over at Rafe and he's already looking at me.

"Snowy, talk to me what happened?" He asks me again and I shake my head.

"Can you take me to the hospital?"

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

When I got to the hospital last night, I promised Rafe I would hang out with him soon, and ran inside to my friends. Luckily, John B just broke his arm and is now rocking a sick cast- and a minor concussion. My friends gave me a rundown on what was happening with the gold, and how John B figured out it didn't actually go down with the Royal Merchant, and we still have a chance at finding it. We maybe even know where it is; Tannyhill. We can't believe it.

This morning, I woke up in last night's dress, leaning my head on my arms crossed at the side of John B's bed. It didn't feel right going back to The Chateau without him. JJ offered for me to stay with him, but honestly Luke makes me feel icky. I know I'm not safe there. I think when I fell asleep, the nurses just decided to leave me there. Visiting hours don't apply to kids who are borderline homeless, I guess.

I wake up to someone playing with my hair, and I hum, lifting up my head. "Morning, Snowy White." John B chuckles, and I rub my face.

"Morning..." I mumble, looking around.

"What are you doing here?" He asks with a slight chuckle as I adjust how I'm sitting.

"I just thought you'd want someone here." I yawn, stretching my arms.

"Nice makeup." He comments and I laugh.

"Ew, don't even mention it," I say, grabbing a napkin from his side table, and attempting to remove what's left of my makeup with it.

Before I'm done, we're interrupted by a nurse saying John B has a visitor. We look at each other and smile, already assuming it's the rest of our friends.

Our hopes were slashed when Sarah and Ward walk through the door.

"Hey, John B." Ward says, smiling at us both. I can hardly look him in the face after last night.

"I- uh, I'll go.." I say, quickly pulling my shoes on and standing up. God, how did I walk in these last night?

"No, Snowy- I'm glad you're here. Take a seat." Ward smiles, and I share an uncertain look with John B as I sit back down.

'What can we do for you, sir?" John B asks.

"Oh please.." Sarah chuckles.

"Please, you guys can call me Ward." He says and I smile a little. "So, Sarah told me everything. How you, John B, are on the run from DCS, how you were protecting her at the tower." He says and John B nods, his face turning a little red. "John, I believe I owe you an apology. I'd like to make it up to you'd let me. I spoke to Sheriff Peterkin, and.." He looks at Sarah, who's smiling at her dad. "I've offered to be your legal guardian- if you'll have me."

I look at John B in shock. He shares the same expression.

"And Juliette- no, Snowy, sorry," Ward says, turning his attention to me with a smile on his face. "Kegs told me your parents gave you the boot, and Rafe is a big fan of yours, so you are more than welcome to stay at Tannyhill with us too." Mentally, my jaw hits the floor. After everything that happened last night, he wants me to come live with him. I look at John B again, and in about three seconds, through facial expression only, we have a mutual understanding of 'I am if you are.'

"It will mean a roof over your heads, no DCS, no being homeless, something to eat every day.." At this point, I think Ward is being a little dramatic, but three meals a day does sound incredibly tempting.

"Does Rafe know?" I ask before John B can respond.

"Well, no, but I don't imagine he will have any objections. There will be rules in place, of course, for both of you, but I know you will both feel welcome and safe with us." Ward explains.

"Sure, uh, yeah. We'll do it." John B nods, smiling as he looks at Sarah and Ward as she sits down next to him on the bed. I nod as well.

"Thank you, Mister Cameron," I say, smiling at him.

"It's settled then!" He grins, clapping his hands together. "Welcome to the family."

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

When John B is released later in the day, we went back to The Chateau to grab our stuff and get changed, and then to the Wreck to reconvene with everyone.

"Sorry, you're staying where?" Kie asks, clearly upset.

"Tannyhill." John B says again.

"So you're living with Sarah Cameron. Sweet." She nods. I can hardly put into words how much Kie hates her.

"Okay, look, the only reason I'm doing it is that her dad bailed me out, okay?"

"So, do you have a membership to the clubs now?" Pope asks and I laugh, shaking my head. "What about those little golf carts they drive around, do you have one of them?"

"I don't know." John B responds.

"Look," Kie says, interrupting them again. "You promised. You said you weren't with her."

"Bro, just own it, she's got you." JJ pipes up and I gently smack his arm that he has wrapped around my shoulder.

"If you guys wanna hang out with her and her douchebag brother, that's fine. But I'm letting you know right now I'm not doing anything with Sarah Cameron."

John B rolls his eyes. "Do you guys see her here? No. Right, okay. So a little focus would be fantastic. We've literally got the map right in front of us." He says, referring to the map of Tannyhill we have, which is apparently what Sarah was smuggling to him when she slipped out last night.

"It's all out of whack because the guys who drew it were straight Ganja'd." JJ says, laughing and looking at us to read our reactions.

"The coast has changed," Kie explains flatly and he nods a little, looking down like he didn't just say something stupid.

"We just have to look for landmarks that haven't changed," Pope says, running his finger along the print.

"What about the old forts? Battery Jasper." John B suggests.

We decide that's the best idea we've got, and since we don't have to be at the Camerons until later, we decide to all go and check it out.

"So we just need to find this wall..." I mumble, looking at it on the map, then looking up and around out the window.

"Something like that?" Kie asks, pointing as John B slows to a stop.

"Yeah.. just like that," Pope says, and we all stare at the house just behind the wall. Shit, the Crain house. We all climb out.

"Are you kidding me?" Kie asks, voicing all our thoughts.

"Worst case scenario." John B nods.

"Why'd it have to be here? Of all places?" Pope asks and I shrug.

"Because we have such incredible luck."

"I heard that Mrs. Crain killed her husband and buried his head on the property," JJ says, in a poor attempt to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, I heard that too." I agree and he points at me and snaps.

"Right? And that she fed his body to the cats!" I laugh.

"This place gives me the creeps, guys." Kie sighs.

"I don't believe that crap, guys." John B says, shaking his head. "JJ always spouts crap, and Snowy's two brain cells only think about serial killers and Rafe Cameron shirtless."

"How dare you!" I laugh, my cheeks burning.

"Not me? I'm hurt." JJ says, holding his chest. I shake my head and give him a gentle shove.

"Regardless," I sigh, "It's one hundred percent true, JJ knew Hollis." I turn it over to him.

"I did! She was my babysitter. She said she heard her parents fighting, then a loud bang! And then she said her mom said he left them in the middle of the night. When she went downstairs, he mom was washing her hands in a sink full of blood. Then, she went to take a piss in the outhouse, and saw her own dad's head looking up at her." JJ says, and everyone rolls their eyes.

"Like I said- full of shit." John B says.

"It's all true, man!" JJ insists. By now, were standing beside the house, outside this old cellar entrance.

"Are we sure about this?" Kie asks. "I mean, she's an axe murderer and you have a cast on."

"I don't give a shit if she's an axe murderer!" John B says, turning back to us. "I've got nothing to lose- you're either with me or you're not." He says and we all nod.

We go into the basement and decide to split up, looking around for any sign of water that could hold the gold. After a brief slapping match between John B and Kie because of a domestic dispute that I, unfortunately, missed all the drama from while I was out with Rafe the other day, we stumbled upon a well under the floorboards.

"Well, well, well..." Pope says as we finished pulling up the flooring. Kie and I collectively roll our eyes.

"That was a good dad joke." John B tells him, as we all look into the abyss in front of us.

"This is where she hid the bodies," I whisper and JJ nods in agreement.

"We found the water..." Pope says, smiling.

"We're gonna need a long ass rope." John B says, looking around at us, grins plastered on our faces.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

I really hope you guys are liking this as much as I loved writing it! at this rate, Tumblr will be caught up to what I've written so far in about two or so weeks if I post every day.

-R

taglist: @boo22sstuff@madelynie (lmk if you want to be added!)

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argisthebulwark · 1 year

Note

I saw ur tag about soulmates/reincarnation and i dunno if this really fits but it made me think of the parallels between karliah/gallus and tld/bryn. both couples being in love. mercer killing one of them, the one that just so happened to be/become the guild master. every time i think about these parallels i go fucking insane.

Especially if I think about tld actually dying by mercers hand and how something something history repeats itself, something something mercer killed both guild masters and left the ones so in love with them (maybe even married to them) broken shells

anyways....... *goes feral*

YEAAAA dude!!!! god i know it's sad and the reunion would be beautiful and all that but sometimes i just think about tld not surviving mercer. karliah not being able to save them and returning to thieves guild. mercer repeating his own history by killing the one destined to lead the guild and leaving behind a heartbroken, angry thief.

putting all my angst under a cut for the sake of the dash. obv death mention

"I'll be certain to give Brynjolf your regards."

Snow Veil Sanctum had become Karliah's personal hell. Entering the place she'd lost Gallus all those years ago was difficult but having to witness it happening all over again was surely some divine punishment. She watched the poor girl crumble, Mercer's disgusting last words hanging in the air long after his exit. Her eyes burned with unshed tears when she heard Brynjolf's name.

Karliah would follow through on her promise. The next time she saw Mercer would be the last. She dragged the thief's body from the bowels of the ruin knowing the hand pressed to her wound wouldn't cut it - but she couldn't leave her there. She couldn't leave this poor girl alone where Brynjolf couldn't find her.

She wanted her reunion with Brynjolf to be a joyous one. Instead she held the shoulders that shook with each of his sobs and fought back her own tears. He'd been so small when she was exiled and had grown into such a fine man. Karliah's hatred for Mercer somehow deepened upon seeing history repeat itself in such a way.

When Brynjolf's tears subsided Karliah recognized the resentment that replaced his sadness. She understood all too well his thirst for violence, his need to find Mercer and make him pay for what he'd taken from them. Karliah hated that Brynjolf could understand her pain. She wanted to take it away from him, to save him from the years of bitterness and isolation she'd dealt with.

"I'm sorry." She didn't trust her own voice when Brynjolf's puffy eyes met hers. "I'm sorry he took them from us."

"Why does this keep happening?" He sounded empty and Karliah had no answer.

She knew if they didn't stop Mercer his cycle would never break. A new thief would join their guild, fall in love, figure out his scheme, and die by Mercer's hand. Karliah's heart ached at the thought of other souls feeling her pain, the devastating ache of missing the one she loved so dearly.

Delvin was right. Mercer had become a curse upon the Thieves Guild. He killed and cheated, doing anything to keep himself afloat. He'd slain two important members and would surely try again. Karliah knew they had to stop him, it had to be those he'd left heartbroken and alone.

"What do we do now?" Brynjolf sounded so small, nothing like the booming voice he'd used when demanding to see his wife.

"We kill Mercer." She answered easily, offering him a blade. "We bury our loved ones. And you become the next Guild Master."

"I don't think I can do it without her." His voice broke and Karliah felt her heart shatter, pain she'd buried long ago fresh and new once more.

"You have to."

#brynjolf #skyrim #angst #tesblr #asks #anon #writing

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jaskierx · 6 months

Note

This is probably gonna be quite incoherent so bear with me lol. I see that your askbox has become a place to rant (and this one isn’t even gonna be about izzy!! But I need to get my thoughts out somewhere!! Sorry in advance!!)

Anyway it’s been a relief to see other people in the fandom whose least favourite episode this season was ep 6. I always felt almost?? Mean for not liking it as much as everyone else seems to?? (and it’s not even that I dislike it!! It’s just my least favourite!) cause I feel like there was just too much going on for a single episode, everything went by too fast.

Anyway this isn’t about that it’s about ep 7 which most people seem to dislike. And I understand where people are coming from when they say that, I didn’t like it very much the first time I saw it! but after rewatching it yesterday for the first time since it aired I actually gained a lot of appreciation for it! I love the start and getting to see Stede and Ed be all domestic together!! (I’m a sucker for that shit) And I actually really love their fight too, just cause it shows us how much Stede understands Ed! He immediately notices that Ed is panicking and he responds so patiently even after being told that Ed thinks their night together was a mistake. Yes they said some hurtful things to each other but somehow I think that’s the least important part of that scene, at least to me. And it annoyed me when people kept painting Stede as the one in the wrong in their fight!! (Imo neither of them were in the wrong but that’s just personal opinion)

Where was I going with this? Basically I feel kinda alone in not liking ep 6 as much as everyone else and I think ep 7 is kinda under appreciated. Ahdgags I hope that made sense I’m terrible at expressing my thoughts towards media.

Screaming in your askbox cause I don’t wanna get too involved in the fandom myself cause it scares me lol. Thanks for posting good takes tho as always :) it helps me feel a little more sane

no i agree, ep6 is definitely one of my least favourite episodes (covered this a bit in my last ask). i didn't HATE it but it seems to do really well in polls about 'which ep is your favourite' and i just. do not vibe with it in the way that a lot of people do

and i agree that ep7 is underrated and i think that's bc it's objectively not a very feelgood episode and even though djenks had confirmed they'd end up together at the end, when it aired i saw loads of people worrying that they wouldn't get a happy ending at the end of s2, which i think has coloured people's perceptions of it

it's not a bad episode. it's a great episode tbh! we get their breakfast in bed (with twine for flourish) and 'hehe we didn't pay' and stede's newfound fame and his earring and zheng being really cool and frenchie and the gang getting their grift on and everybody's new favourite dearly departed side character steak knife (fly high with the angels king)

the argument itself is also really well written and feels so real (which definitely contributes to why so many people felt some kind of way about it) and manages to cover a bunch of irl relationship issues while still feeling right in the context of them being ye olde pirates - it's a beautiful realistic depiction of poor communication between people who love each other but not themselves and it gave me brainworms so i wrote a meta about it

but yeah overall the Main Event in ep7 is stede and ed arguing and ed leaving, so i get why a lot of people dislike it (or at least like it less than the other episodes) given that from ep3 onwards every episode has a big positive edstede moment (mermaid scene in ep3, 'i love everything about you' in ep4, 'you wear fine things well' and their kiss in ep5, being protective of each other and having sex for the first time in ep6, and obvs two beach kisses and 'i love you. i love you' and moving into their inn in ep8) (i nearly cried writing that out if you were wondering whether or not i'm normal about them)

#asks #anon #fuck it i'm gonna start putting these in the main tag bc i am pouring my lil heart out over here #ofmd #lyse.jpg

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secretdonderwolk · 5 days

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Hope springs eternal. I think that article is encouraging. RBR isn’t in a rush to sign which I think is true. checo is fine for now but also clearly RBR they no qualms about getting rid of him

also interesting that it says daniels frustrated bc he doesn’t know who’s making the decisions. It must be exhausting for him to have to kiss everyone’s ass instead of focusing on the main shooters :( joking.. but seriously lol. It’s nice he hasn’t personally ruled the 2nd seat out so I can continue to be delusional

i think the thing i can't stop thinking about is that they were still trying to fill daniel's seat when daniel came back four years later to fill it lmao. like daniel left red bull and they've been scrambling every since trying to get four people on the grid who worked... nyck was a lowkey desperate move that did nawt pay off and it was all because daniel decided to move on like idk idk... i don't think a summer swap is totally out of the realm of possibility espesh if daniel keeps underperforming like he is now but i also think that red bull is in a luxury position now but that they weren't for a long long long time. and then also the rumors about wanting to get yuki out of vcarb last winter? (which....why......) and passing on liam not once but twice idk it's just random to moi that two months later it's like we're just counting down the days until we can finally get rid of daniel! like they had various opportunities to do that and they didn't and it's like....idk..... also can i say if red bull keeps swapping driver's midseason like at what point are even more drivers going to be like yeahhhhhh...i'm not picking up the phone when they're calling like a pierre and an alex are already doing. at least with a haas or a williams or an alpine you know you can groove a little more. like red bull will give you a good car but at what cost!!! no because fr. let daniel shmooze!!!!! at this point i'm happy if he stays racing for like the rest of the year and the year after that lmao. though i was doing some Research today and found a few v interesting articles about how historically marko/horn seem to pay the most attention to race pace etc vs points i have no idea how true that is obv but if that's the case it's a little less bleak for miss ricciardo but like him or not his race pace has been solid since japan he was mostly flopping in miami gp because dirty air factor.... annoying that marko said in his article like well he was saur slow like bitch you know why

#ask!#dr

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riewritten · 2 years

Text

31 SEMBLANCE

DUSK IN THE BRIGHTEST | chapter directory

erwin smith/fem!reader, erwin smith/you, no y/n | slow burn, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff & smut, mutual pining, canon AU, college/univ AU, professor erwin smith, commander erwin smith, non-linear narrative, manga spoilers

Trigger warning: canon-typical violence, graphic description, explicit sexual content, suicidal thoughts, mental health issues, trauma, implied/referenced sexual harassment, implied/referenced abuse, attempted murder, overdosing

Plot: It was always the nightmares, really. Entrapped with walls, human-eating giants, fighting through metal strings and swords – utterly violent, dreary, recurrent. But behind the blurry faces was a man with menacing blue eyes and vivid features; eventually appearing before you as your new reputable professor, Erwin Smith. Since then, the disaster had slipped beyond your subconscious. AO3

As you dwelled on your cries, the commander finally sat down again; his fingers continuously glided on your cheeks to soothe you somehow.

"How are they in that world?" He finally spoke again after a while.

"The two are living as Levi's siblings. Isabel, while a full-on brat, stuck to me since we were children. Furlan is very composed and he helps Levi in lots of things." You chuckled a bit despite the tears due to random memory. "You won't believe me when I say he used to hold me with affection and now he's having a happy crush on the current queen."

Indeed, that would be hard to imagine. Erwin had to register that with a small laugh as well. "The others?"

"I haven't met Miche, Hange, and the others yet but they're friends with you two. I hear them a lot from you and Levi."

"Miche… he's living a better life as well, I see." He pondered. For some reason, his voice was a mixture of relief and bitterness. "How am I in that world?"

"You became quite like your father despite having him for just a short time. You've been very gentle to everyone, especially to me, and helped me without hesitation because I was left behind for so long due to lots of things…" You bit your lip to suppress another wave of emotions. "And you also chose to remember everything in this world by dreams so you could pay for your debts. That's why our paths crossed again. You were my saving grace in that world. Having this vision was too tormenting for me until you came."

"It's good that I didn't end up too much of a bastard somehow." He finally withdrew his palm on your cheek and rested it on your hand instead. "Are you healthy enough in that world?"

"I am. I was poisoned with soup then stabbed but I think I'm fine in general."

"Soup?" Erwin repeated in surprise. "So all this time—"

"I quickly overcame my fear towards the dish when you repeatedly accompanied me while eating it." You clarified with a chuckle. "But that's why you're on the edge in that world as well. Despite some distinctions, you're completely the same cruel man."

"If I ever did murder the perpetrator in that world, would you be able to forgive me?"

"Of course, I would. I'm staying no matter what." You answered resolutely. "It doesn't need to clash with seeking accountability, after all."

Silence enveloped the whole room. You heard Erwin gulp after a while as if trying to articulate the next question. Then you realized he might be having a hard time voicing it out because he squeezed onto your hand.

"Was I able to give you all the love you deserve in that world?"

That's when you finally let the tears drip down again. It was silent weeping this time and you held onto his hand tightly as well. "You're a man full of teasing and banters but you also keep on telling me that I'll get everything I want in that world. That you'll make up for it somehow."

"Is that so," He weakly muttered and stayed still again. When you glanced at him, you almost sobbed out loud. He looks so sad and on a closer look, it's as if he's a lost child who's so conflicted about what to do. His eyes are glued on the hand he's holding and it's obvious that he's taking quite a while coming up with other things to say. Never in your life did you think you'd ever see this man so lost with his words.

"Do you want to go back?" He muttered.

Somehow, as the sight continuously burns your vision, you notice how he's trying to muster up the courage to finally let you go.

You weren't able to stop the sobs then. "I could live everywhere as long as you're alive."

"But the people dear to you are alive in that world. It's needless to say that you'll be happier there."

"You're the only reason I existed again. You strongly wished for me to exist, that's why I'm here even after using the power granted to me. Your existence is what matters to me the most."

"You say that I'm still the same man in that world… but do I actually have the ability to protect you with all my might?"

"You have. We could protect ourselves. There are no monsters in that world." You repeated what you had said back in Wall Maria.

His eyes widened then as if that remark ultimately concluded the whole bargain. Finally, his grip on your hand untightened.

Despite the calm wistfulness, he looks more broken this time. You weren't able to take it so you gripped his hand again. "I'll stay here. You don't need to convince me anymore. I could live with you here. I would love to do so."

That's when Erwin finally smiled. It was the most poignant smile you've ever seen of him, in this world and the other one. He gently removed your grasp on him and shook his head. "You came here to save me and so your job here is done. That's more than enough for me."

"No. You said it, right? We can do the things we weren't able to do before. I would love to have that life. You told me I'd look good living inside the walls as well. Then live with me." You're the one doing the bargain this time. "It's not fake security anymore and I'd be able to live beside someone I love. We don't even have to quit at all. We just have to—"

You were cut off gently when Erwin leaned in for a kiss. He held on to your cheeks and languidly glided his lips to yours. It's slow, too slow that you just know he is savoring it for the last time. You let him melt down your sobs then.

He halted after a while with both of your lips barely touching and breathing in each other's air. "Isabel needs someone right now." He whispered.

"No. She has everyone to take care of her." You begged, completely setting aside the worries in pursuit of coaxing the man above you who had nothing in this life but pure suffering.

"Furlan is having a hard time. If a man as composed as him is having such difficulty keeping himself up then you really need to go back."

"Again, you just have to let me live with you. They have each other and we don't need to worry about them."

"How about me in that world? Who do I have there?" You were shot into silence then. Somehow, Erwin hoped you would be able to pitch in a name. Perhaps that'd make him reconsider his decision. When you didn't respond, he just smiled again and landed a chaste peck on the bridge of your nose.

"You need to come back and stop me from doing something irreversible or if I already did, you have to be there and forgive me." He landed another one on your forehead. "Because you're sweet like that, my dearest girl that's holding me with so much affection. You're the one who's been saving me all this time and I need another saving in that world right now."

"But I could just stay here, don't you want that? We could finally have good things together."

"The fact that there's a world where we could get that is more than enough for me. What you did in this world is more than enough for me." He said while hushing your tears away.

You start to feel as if you're being pulled away from your body, each second ticking until you disappear into thin air, until you leave the body that Erwin is holding so dearly.

No, just a moment. I'm not done yet. I need to have him realize that I'm meant to be here.

"You went through a lot as it is and I could finally stay beside you to get past our miseries. I was dead set on dying there but if I could have the chance to live with you here—" However, you realized that Erwin's words are to be heard as well because it's by his will that you're here. He's the one who vehemently desired to see you again even if it's just a glimpse. He's the one who begged for the parallel and had it full of glitches. "You won't let me go, would you?"

"I won't. I have you beyond worlds after all. See, you have this terrible man stuck on you for several lifetimes." It's as if the Erwin smiling in front of you also knows well that he had the final say as much as you do.

He lands another kiss as he finally decides to let you go, for this moment is the last one you'll ever have of him — the man who had tons of mistakes and sought to be forgiven, the one who died and still begged for you to save him, and the one who vehemently believed that seeing you again even just for a minute is more than he could ever wish for.

"Thank you for coming to me."

It’s as if your mind has been flying away inside an abyss since then. You could hear words but they’re just playing around in the air. What’s keeping you from breaking is that last moment playing inside your head so vividly on repeat. Despite not knowing how long you've been doing it, you're still more than thankful at the sight. There's no way you'd get sick of it when you're well aware that by the time it stops playing, you won't see nor feel the commander ever again.

On the day you finally got agency with your thoughts and body again, even for a short period, you woke up screaming. Your body reeked of sweat even though the temperature was not even high. The peaceful and well-cleaned room is spinning around your eye. Every corner of it is threatening you with death, kitchen knives, blood, scattered utensils, and broken plates. This wasn't even included with your worries until this very moment. There's a lump in your throat that makes it hard for you to breathe and it's more than enough to acknowledge that you're back for good. It's your body that's reacting to all of this, not your consciousness beyond this world.

Fortunately, everyone is inside the house today including Erwin. Kuchel’s household usually takes turns tending to you so everyone stopped in their tracks as soon as they heard you screaming in the room, from words like "mom" and "I'm sorry" up to painful cries about how you want to see your brother again. They stormed towards where you are. Everyone who'd go near you during these episodes could be perceived as a threat, that's why they have to be careful not to invade your space.

It was Kuchel who spoke first, gently and tranquil. The rest waited at the door. "It's okay, it's okay. Look at your surroundings. You're in a completely different place. No one's gonna hurt you here." Kuchel slowly walked.

You can't even hear her, not at all. "Mom, I don't–" You gripped your hair with both hands “I don’t remember. This isn't what I intended to create when I—" You cut yourself off with a shaky gasp as you clutched on your left stomach. "—it hurts. Oh, it hurts. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" You felt how it's bleeding, how it'd spurt out the blood from you anytime soon, your organs gushing out along the way.

Furlan and Isabel can't even look at you anymore. Levi still had his composed face but his eyebrows were curled, perhaps in worry, anger, or both. Erwin's expression was grim, nearly unreadable, as he followed your every move. Despite Kuchel's completely composed demeanor, this is an utterly painful sight to see as there's no wound in your stomach anymore. Your mother's not holding a knife at you because she's dead. She can't hurt you anymore. No one could.

Nothing but the flashes of memories that'd stay in you for the rest of your life.

That's the cue for her then as the pain perceived by your brain would distract you from seeing someone walking as a threat. She tried a palm on your head at first to test, but you flinched and screamed so she pulled back. Kuchel then stayed half a meter away, knelt down to your level, and whispered things only audible to the both of you. Slowly but surely, her whispers subsided your panic down into sobs. You still had your eyes shot really wide but the mind hysteria decreased. Kuchel tried to touch you again, this time you were calmer; she took that as the cue and gently engulfed you in her embrace. As she caressed your head, you hugged your knees. The sobs weakened until they became mere huffs. She then laid you down, let you curl yourself up in a fetal position, and closed your eyes after a while. Breathing became steady then. You're sleeping again. Kuchel finally halted her hands. That's when those who'd like to go near you entered, Erwin first.

Upon sitting on the bed, Erwin placed a hand on your cheek to check something, "She's having a fever again.”

Isabel is crying this time but she didn't dare utter a word anymore. She walked out to get a towel and basin with water. Levi reached a hand on top of her head though, halting her for a while. "I know that face. Don't blame yourself again. She's already here."

Her bottled-up thoughts finally broke. "Why did you listen to me? I'm your stupid sister, a good-for-nothing brat. I didn't even dare go to college. Why did you? Both of you should've known better!" She also shot Furlan a glare.

The way she's shouting at Levi is a completely new sight to see. Indeed, she tends to shout a lot but this one’s completely angry and spiteful. Even Furlan is completely taken aback. Isabel's train of thought has been crippled since that evening. Not only you who got physically harmed would be scarred in the mind. The only time she stopped waking and throwing up in the middle of the night was when you finally woke up.

Levi ruffled her hair. "I told you she's here already. No one will blame you. Not even Mom blamed you when you finally told her." He then moved Isabel's head to turn it towards Kuchel's. The mother flashed an apologetic smile at her. "Not even the brat lying down beside her would blame you. You know that much by now, don't you? You're the one closest to her here."

Isabel gulped the lump down her throat. Everyone paused. After wiping her face, she walked away without a word. She's still shaking. Her fists are clenched just as usual, so hard that her hands are stained with red marks.

"I'll buy meds outside." Furlan quietly excused himself.

Kuchel walked towards the two and patted their shoulders to say something. "Her father won't be coming back. He cut all his connections off and I discovered the other day that he already has a new family overseas. Maybe the divorce was what pushed that woman to her limits. I don't even know about it. Not even their child got aware." Erwin then widened his eyes. He's the one who initiated the search for him after all. "That's pretty much it. She's got nothing but us now. Not that it made any difference. It's been like this ever since." Then walked away as if nothing happened. Her composure did not falter at all. It says a lot about how her eldest is the same.

Then Erwin and Levi were left alone. Levi started. "You're fortunate she killed herself first before you could."

Erwin folded his arms as he leaned on the door jamb, watched your now tranquil figure then clicked his tongue. "Fortunate, you say?"

"What do you think would happen if this girl finally came back to her senses and discovered you became a murderer instead?"

"She already knew that'd happen.” He blatantly uttered it to you after all. He’s just quite uncertain if you would actually remember. “And yet I'm too livid to care, I don't think I ever could."

Of course, Levi should know this much by now. He changed the topic then. "When you went to her that day, did you bring a weapon?"

“I'm the one who gave her the weapon, even asked her to kill me. I got nothing but words. Do you think I'm the one who led her into that?"

"Don't throw questions on me. Explain what happened instead."

Erwin silently walked toward you and sat on the bed. Before answering, he fixed the blanket so it'd cover you properly. He made sure your head would be the only thing visible as if recalling your humorous exchange way back at the balcony could help in toning down his grim thoughts. His demeanor stayed dark though, utterly dark. "Nothing dangerous. Just told her she's already dead and I'm giving her the chance to choose if she'd be the one to do the final act or me. If she chooses me then I'd do her some service like the good man I am. Something that'd take a whole day."

"You—" Levi shot his eyes wide. "Urged her to do that?"

Instead of answering, Erwin busied himself brushing his hand on your head. You squeaked and moved a bit but didn't wake up. When he gave Levi a look again, the latter had to register the sight. Erwin looked utterly perilous right now despite his tranquil touches. His face was flat as stone, not even a curl on his eyebrows nor a scowl. The menacing glint in his eyes is more than enough to remark how angry he is right now and how unremorseful of what he did. He might be willing to do more, even. Levi almost shuddered. Considering how Erwin holds you right now despite the face he's having, it seems like you're the only one safe in this space as of the moment.

Levi doesn't want to imagine what would become of him if you really died. "What the fuck is up with that face?"

"She's the one who ended her suffering. Did herself a favor and died. Who do you think is the more fortunate one here, Levi?"

"What have you done, exactly?"

"I do deadlines in my profession a lot so I tried having it to her as well. If this angel doesn't wake up in two weeks—" Then his caresses slid on your cheeks instead. "Perhaps a stab, or having the nails removed, hour after an hour, no drugs involved, let her blood dry out all over her house. Anything, really. I also visited her daily for gentle reminders; told her that the time is ticking and that I accept requests. Gave her intricate details of what I would do to her if the deadline came. She tried to stay from one place to another to avoid me but I always ended up bumping into her coincidentally. I think the setup in this world is pretty much in my favor, unlike the previous one."

The search warrant didn’t even last for more than 24 hours. She was quickly found dead.

Realization daunted Levi. “I thought you only went to her place once.”

"You think that'd suffice? I'm as good as dead might as well bring her down with me. Want me to get more detailed about it?" It's not even a question meant for Levi's approval. It was perhaps a mockery he intended to voice out in this world. He's making every dust in this space right now hear how low he went and how he'd go further if the conditions set upon the girl he's holding are way crueler than what just happened. "I might've done my words so well because every day I visited her, she'd end up screaming and sobbing. I didn't even need to soil my hands. Her deranged mind is way too easy to corrupt. I gave her some gifts, perhaps the last one was her breaking point. It was the portrait of her dead son in Paradis. How he looked, how healthy and happy he was thanks to his sister who loved him so well like the sweetest girl that she is. How precious my woman is because she ended up saving everyone's asses, including that wicked mother only if she knew better than to make her existence known to me."

If something's horrifying Levi, it wasn't what Erwin did, not at all, but rather the lack of guilt on his features. It's as if a completely different man is sitting on the bed because the thing that's been crippling Erwin all his life is the same one he's lacking right now.

"All this time your life revolved around remorse and now you'd shit on me at how you didn't feel that at all?"

"Paying debts. Bullshit. Completely stupid.” He spat sardonically. “This girl's the one who paid for it all this time. I thought so highly of myself."

Levi brought a hand to his temples, massaged them slightly then spoke again. "I'm not in the mood to ask anymore. Spill everything now or get your hands off her and walk out of this house."

"When she told you that she wasn't supposed to exist, it's not a bluff to save that woman. She's the one who instigated this world in exchange for her existence." And finally, Erwin's grimness subsided. It was replaced with dread. "I don't even know why she's lying down here as we speak. A moment ago I was fighting my other self for dear life because I want her here and now I can't comprehend what's happening anymore."

"How do you even know it wasn't a bluff?"

"She's the one who instigated this world, made me survive my demise, and ensured that I'd witness everything in Paradis until the end. That's why I was sure to kill her mother, Levi. Because I don't think I'd have her again. Back then, I just knew she was dead the moment I saw her in my subconscious, and the thought of that woman living in a world granted by the girl she almost killed repulsed me." Erwin just looks tired, even worse than what Levi used to see when they were younger. "And now that she chose to come back to this world only to suffer like this: completely unresponsive and broken, I feel nothing but regret that I actually did that woman a favor by not having her dead in my hands."

Levi finally calmed down and silence enveloped the room for a while. He understands, he really does, but still, "I doubt you'd be sputtering grim shit out of your mouth if this girl's actually in her right mind and could hear you." With that, Erwin's dreadful face was replaced with sheer lament as if what Levi said brought him back. The latter could finally see him again then, the Erwin that he and everyone knows well.

"She already knew what I would do if she remained unconscious in this world. That's what took her to come back here even, but still, I don't think I'd ever regret what I did even if she comes to despise me, and I also saw something right after that woman died."

"Are you gonna tell me her mother instigated something as well?"

Erwin nodded, "I saw her brother, the one she had in that world but didn't have here, approximately a week after. He's in the form of a young child who doesn't remember everything about him at all."

Levi's eyes widened again. "How sure are you that it's him? Let alone it's because of that woman's death?"

"Aside from the fact that he completely looks the same, he's got nothing of himself aside from his first name. When I asked the foster home, that boy came to them a day after that woman died. He appeared out of nowhere, with no traces of people associated with him. What explanation is there aside from that?"

Levi doesn't even know what to say anymore, no follow-up questions and utterances of possibilities. The revelation is quite too overwhelming for him as well and he needs to wind out for now. "Nonetheless, you better tell her in complete detail about what you've done to her mother, Erwin. No matter how everyone here wouldn't take what happened against you, she’s the only one who holds the final verdict because she lived." Levi then grabbed his things in the room so he could finally go out. "Just as you told me that night, I'm neither a soldier nor a thug. You must remember that in yourself too because the only time I'd tolerate that deranged face of yours again is when she's finally buried six feet below the ground." He's in the doorway now and before he finally disappeared at the man, he shot him a glare. "If you dare show it to me again, let alone to her or anyone in this house, might as well go back to where you came from. I wouldn't be able to see you as someone safe to be close with my family by then."

Erwin pondered in silence as he looked down at his palms. He understood it very well and that's the same reason why he feels like laughing at himself now. He always had blood in his hands just because of his mouth and the feeling’s way too normal for him already, too normal that he can’t bring himself to care.

Perhaps not only that woman who laid her hands on you got an inherently wicked existence. That's why he knew how to deal with it when he came for her. He's not any different.

"You need to come back and stop me from doing something irreversible or if I already did, you have to be there and forgive me."

The bitter laugh was let out, then. Shameless. Utterly shameless. Poor you, to be associated with deranged beings even in this life. Even after sacrificing so much.

Moments after, Isabel finally entered and Erwin let her tend to you as she usually does. She cleaned your body first and after a while, woke you up to drink meds. You've been seated since then. After her task, she sat down on the chair beside your bed and faced Erwin.

She noticed how grim the man's expression is as if he was just mirroring your face. His eyes are only glued to you as well and Isabel can't grasp what he's thinking. He's been like this ever since that happened. It's just that his face is way milder now that your eyes finally opened— she can't even say you're back because you're not. Since you got conscious until this very moment, no one was able to hold a decent conversation with you. If you're not asleep, you’d just stare out of nowhere or mumble incoherent stuff. You could nod sometimes but your muscles aren’t that responsive. What happened earlier is not the first one as well and they're all too scared, too horrified that you'd stay this way forever — gone for good, crippled for the rest of your life.

And thus Isabel looked down at the floor, clenched her fists again, eyebrows curled, and lips pursed all because of worry. "Erwin, uhm, it's been days since you last visited and she's…" Talking to Erwin about you makes her terribly anxious as if she's completely indebted to this man for being negligent all this time. "…still as unresponsive."

"Is that so," Erwin's gaze didn't leave you. You're staring at the wall with a face not moving at all, just as usual. He lifted your arm to see if you could hold it up this time but as soon as he released it, the limb fell down flatly as if it was dead. It's as if you're a breathing doll. Breathing but dead. "Have she eaten already?"

"Yeah. Recently, I'm able to make her smell the food and then urge her to open her mouth slightly. She could do that much now."

"She's improved a lot, then. Didn't she have any reactions to the utensils you used? Like what she did back at the hospital?"

"I used a plastic spoon this time. We realized she's particularly getting hysterical at the sight of metal spoons and bowls. Odd. She's not afraid of the soup itself. Only with the utensils." Erwin just nodded and didn't say more. He just blandly busied himself by randomly picking on your face to see if a reaction would be pulled out — pinching your cheeks, holding your breath by pinching your nose, gliding his fingers on your eyelids and pulling it up a bit — but nothing happened. Isabel clinched on her knees further. "Recently, Levi told me that you're actually the one who gave him a heads-up about this. When you came here for the first time years ago, you said that you saw a wounded girl buying bandages and disinfectants at the convenience store."

"Levi decided to tell you everything now, I see." He recalled the incident. "I rushed to the counter first to pay it on her behalf and even added some stuff but that's all I was able to do. She looked so out of it, though. It's as if she's in auto-pilot mode. She didn't flinch when the cashier crew said her stuff had already been paid and left without a word. Similar to this, but she was able to walk and grab things somehow."

Isabel gulped the lump forming up in her throat, "And apparently, that's when Levi told us that the wounds she's been getting ever since we're children aren't accidents unlike she claimed so. We tried to slowly gauge her to address the matter at hand but we realized she doesn't remember them at all. On our next attempts, she said she saw it happening in her dream instead." Erwin hummed to acknowledge the redhead's remark. Isabel still can't decipher the look on his face and that alone reverberated her anxiety. It didn't take long until she started crying. It was when Erwin finally looked at her. "I'm so sorry. I was afraid because her mother had custody over her and if my mom confronted her about it, she might take her away from us and we'd never see her again. That's why Mom never knew everything until this happened. My brothers listened to that stupid remark and agreed that we should just take care of her behind the curtains. Look where it got her."

He's already aware of what Isabel just said and if he's on his usual self, he would immediately sense her impending cries — enough to comfort her before she could let them out. However, he's utterly spent right now, too exhausted to channel his astuteness. "It's not your fault. You never wanted this to happen."

"It is. We should've just forced her out of there. I can't believe my brothers listened to such a stupid remark." She hit her head with a hand continuously and sobbed. "Why did they listen to me?"

"The wounds Levi claimed she usually gets aren't grave. It could be classified as some sort of corporal punishment and it's more likely that she'd get away from it as most parents would. She doesn't even remember it herself. I'm not saying that the way you didn't inform Kuchel was right and wise but your fear was valid." Erwin replied and after pondering, added. "And Levi's actions were valid too. All of you are the ones who always rush to her whenever she needs help but Levi still tends to find her primary guardians every time. They're the ones most aware of her medical records and had direct contact with her physicians. You guys did what you could."

"But still, we could've done so much more if…"

"I don't think she'd ever blame you for that. Levi's right. Your remorse will just make her feel worse. She'd think you wouldn't be crippled with guilt if she worked on not being a burden. You should know how her mind works by now." Erwin proceeded to massage your limbs, a habit most people in the house developed since you really don't move most of the time. "Besides, everyone will really end up living with that guilt had she died but she's here instead, and so the present is what we must dwell on. You wouldn't be able to tend to her properly if you're burdened with that, don't you think?" It took time for Isabel to respond and when she finally nodded, Erwin smiled. It's a small one, but the first time she saw it again after a while. "You're one of the greatest reasons why she came back here. Thank you for sticking to her until now."

Isabel almost felt herself crying again as if a thorn finally plucked out of her skin. Erwin wasn't angry at her. Not at all. "You don't have to thank me for that."

Even before Erwin could reply, however, they heard you talk. It's a weak one. He scooted nearer and urged you to repeat it.

"Erwin… Nightmares…"

Isabel shot the man a look but he was as taken aback as she was. You never mentioned anyone's name aside from your mother and brother since you woke up. She scooted nearer as well, "You're not having nightmares, and yeah, Erwin's here."

"It's okay, you don't need to…" You murmured again, your face still dead. "...nightmares about them while holding me." As if you're a robot.

Isabel turned to Erwin again. Despite the shock, he still managed to answer. "Your words are enough for now."

Your response almost made Isabel gasp; you smiled, a genuine one at that.

"Can you go outside first? I'll talk to her." Erwin said to Isabel without shooting her a look. She quickly nodded and excused herself.

You didn't say anything after that so Erwin called your name as if to test the water, "You're back now."

Your face went back to flatness again. "I'll stay here. You don't need to convince me anymore. I'd love to…" Then your words become too incoherent to comprehend.

"That's right. You're here. You're talking to me."

"We can do the things we weren't able to do before. I would love to have that life. Inside the walls." You murmured flatly again.

Never in his life had he imagined himself to be so utterly lost on what to do. What would wake you up? What'd snap you back, perhaps a cue that'd make your mind perceive where you really are?

After a long while of pondering, he started. "Seems like you ran from Levi's place up to here. That tea helps a lot with relaxation—" He trailed and urged himself to recall more. What did he say to you that day? "…welcome to my class. You may sit wherever."

Slowly but surely, your eyes widened. You're suddenly scared and your breath hitched. He let you process that at first.

When you started calling out for Historia, that's when he cupped your face and turned you to him. "There, there. Finally realized what world you're in now?" You looked completely horrified as soon as your eyes landed on him though. You're on that day again — the first time you met him, the moment you saw the man in your nightmares up front.

He quickly recalled another fragment of conversation to calm you down somehow. He can't afford to make you faint. "…if I get to remember the fact that I charged soldiers to death even by dreams then I have to atone for it." Slowly and fortunately, your reaction changed again. You curled your eyebrows as if questioning what he just said. It was the same one you gave him when he calmed you down at the lantern.

It's working. "I don’t think we’ll see each other die in this world somehow." He almost choked midway, maybe due to the bitter feeling that remark exuded. Still, he continued. "—perhaps we could take that instead?" Your expression still had a hint of doubt but more relief washed your face now. Just the same one he saw when he picked you up on the road that midnight.

Another one, then, perhaps the last one if fortunate enough. "Setting an equal ground with me will not happen in that room and I'm close to finishing that nightmare. I'm preparing you for it."

"Are you gonna leave me after that?" You suddenly huffed in disbelief. "You said you won't!"

There.

"Try to look around then. Did I leave you?"

Finally, for the first time since you woke up, you looked around your surroundings. He removed his palms on your cheeks and regained his seat to give you air.

Still not done. The grounding is the next one. He asked you to label stuff: five things to see, four things to feel, three things to hear, and more. He made you raise a hand up, and more things to check on your movements.

It took quite a while to finish but when you did everything he asked for, Erwin finally smiled — the first genuine smile he had for a long time. Slowly but surely, he was able to come to terms with his ponders again. Whether or not his existence is inherently wicked, you came back here to forgive him. Like the dearest girl that you are, holding him with so much importance, saving him with your unwavering affection every single time.

He sat on the bed, tipped your chin, and called your name. "You did so, so well. You've been such a strong girl for us. You don't need to worry anymore. Everything's okay now."

It took you a while to reply. When you finally realized everything, you shakily asked. "Really? It is?"

"It is." He went for a kiss, then. A completely gentle one that lasted for a moment, something that both of you thought was gone for good. "Thank you for coming to me again."

The one who started his life selfishly was the one to let go, while the other who embodied selflessness in his entirety clung desperately.

what you wish for the commander, above anything else, is that he'd be happy worlds beyond. if he finds someone in the world where you managed to save him then what is to be sad for? indeed, he knows it well just as he knows you. he did as you want. but then again, what is grief if not love persevering? no matter how able are them to take the world off his shoulders or turn the stormy cloud into a rainbow, there'll still be a glimpse of you lurking around his windows—or perhaps on his own reflection, on the sword, even on his emerald bolo tie—for your existence is a shredding light, always illuminating the dreariest of days.

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depressedhatakekakashi · 4 months

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I'm no longer surprised that some people think that about Zabuza since I realized that in the Naruto fandom, Kakashi is really underrated in terms of power, they only think he's strong when the susanoo is mentioned. It's sad and I hate that well-known tweet that became a meme that says "they used to say its an honor to meet the copy ninja, then whoop his ass", the truth is that this meme is very far from reality, since the only one who said that to him was Pain and in that fight Kakashi committed suicide and on top of that he managed to troll him, but people believe it and treat Kakashi as weak or they call him bum.

I wish people would pay attention to the anime and realize that he didn't have his own kekkei genkai or Hashirama cells or huge chakra reserves, and yet he always had the courage to face the strongest

I wouldn’t say Kakashi committed suicide. He didn’t do what he did wanting to die, he accepted that death would be the result of using the Kamui to save Choji’s life. That’s a sacrifice

But there is a lot of people who know who Kakashi is/respect him, and there’s a reason they respect him. He’s bad ass. Even in the fights he loses (pein) or the fights that are a draw (Obito) or the fights he wa sn clearly winning but didn’t get to take the finishing blow (Zabuza, Kakuzu) he was clearly a formidable shinobi

You put him against any regular shinobi he whoops ass without breaking a sweat. The thing is, they’re not facing ‘regular shinobi’ throughout the series

They’re facing top rate shinobi in the beginning (Zabuza, Orochimaru) and then straight up god like shinobi near the end (Pein, Madara)

Like… against a god level shinobi Kakashi’s not going to win and that’s FINE. He never signed up for that shit. Heck, Jiraiya got his ass handed to him by Pein and had access to an imperfect sage mode, yet his fan’s think he fought an amazing battle. They never put him down for losing the only fight we ever actually see him have. (Itachi ran away, Orichimaru peaced out. There was no actual end to most of his fights except against pein)

And these are the same people who will act like Itachi is the best, most perfect shinobi ever who can beat people like Madara (he can’t) when in all honestly when Kakashi didn’t make the mistake of looking him dead in the eye he actually got tricked by a shadow clone.

And let’s not even mention Minato. These same people calling Kakashi a crap shinobi straight up inflate what Minato did, saying he ended a war single handedly (he didn’t. He showed up to the fight after hundreds had already fought and died and took out the last fifty on his own, a feat Kakashi emulates in his second book without killing anyone and using only some well timed genjutsu, stealth, and a dirty pan) saying he beat 1000 shinobi on his own (nope. It was around 50 and even then he needed his allies to throw the kunai to get where he needed to be), and that he’s as strong as Hashirama (he most definitly is not but that one shot really gave them some stupid fooder with Kurema saying he was as talented as Hashirama)

In the shinobi world Kakashi is actually top rte, he’s just obv not going to get all the best fights where he kicks all the ass because he’s not the main character.

Jiraiya didn’t get to kick anyone’s ass except Ebisu who’s basically only a jonin because of his skills in teaching, not fighting

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respitelocklyre · 7 months

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I made the cheer squad!!! I have a lil more to say but that's the important bit- updates under the cut like always ✨

Cheer tryouts were waaay different than i expected!! I kind of thought it'd be a big ordeal but it was just me and one other freshman who tried out, so we were obvs accepted lol Not that we wouldn't have made it in anyways since we both looked fucking great!! Especially considering I haven't even done any of those moves since last fall. The squad is pretty small and i don't think they do competitive stuff but that's fine, we never did in high school either. I'm more interested in getting to know the rest of the silkball team we'll be cheering on, if the try-outs were any indication of what's to come 🤭 There's this cute owl-guy I might have my eye on- i think he works at the tavern too!!

Oh yeah, i also got the work-study at the tavern! I figure i'll just quit if i don't like it lol but anyways come say hi if ur on campus- i promise you'll recognize me on sight. I'm pretty easy to spot hehe

Oh oh oh and congrats to Mire for getting on the team too!! and for scoring some points with their crush (they can thank me later~). I wonder if they're gonna be able to play well while being cheered on lmaaooo

Classes have been fine, but tbh i haven't rlly been able to pay attention to them since i've been busy partying, meeting new people, and adjusting to life on campus! It's kinda overwhelming, my contacts have like doubled since i got here. And everything is like...way different, yknow? Obvs I didn't think it'd be the SAME as high school, but the vibes are soooo different is all. idk what to make of it all yet but i know that im LOVING being away from home and enjoying my freedom so far <3 Cathy told me the first month or so would probably be rlly hard but idk what she was talking abt bc no one grounds me for waking them up when i get home at 2 am and not even the raven queen can stop me from eating icecream for dinner now.

+++++

In reality, this party was kind of lame, even as Respite typed otherwise to his friends— they'd opted to ditch him for a studying session, so he sure as hell wasn't going to let on that the party was anything but lit. They had a feeling most of them probably wouldn't care, but Willow might feel a touch regretful, so the lie was worth it.

After sending the message to the group chat and briefly checking tinder for any new DMs or matches— maybe he could escape this place and turn the night around— to no avail, they pocketed their phone. How annoying. They rolled their eyes and leaned against the wall, taking a slow sip at the drink they’d been nursing for the past hour. Respite wasn’t really a fan of drinking on the best of nights and all they had to offer here was shitty beer. After a moment of pouting and observing the dimly lit room, they turned and parted the dusty, moth-eaten curtain to look out the window again.

If anyone had noticed the way Respite kept flitting out to the porch or the front window, no one said anything. They did try to keep it discreet, at least, and simply worked it into the way they naturally made the rounds every now and then to talk to different people or get another drink. He liked to move around a lot at parties anyways to make sure that he saw everyone's faces and said hi to them all.

On the opposite side of the spectrum was Mettie, who, shortly after arriving and greeting a few people, had taken an edible or something and parked himself outside on the porch. From there, he seemed to be spending most of his time at the party smoking with other people who needed some fresh air and enrapturing (ensnaring?) them with his long-winded conversation. Respite wasn't sure if this had been his goal when agreeing to come to the party, but it had been the result.

It dawned on Respite slowly that they hadn't really seen Mettie at a party like this before. Well, okay— they'd seen Mettie at one or two big house parties in passing, but they'd never actually spent much time watching him. He’d been the dealer for about 75% of their high school (it was a devastating loss to the community when he’d done his year abroad), so it was hard not to run into him from time to time at parties. But in high school, he was mostly regarded as weird and off-putting. People got what they wanted from him and were generally polite, but it wasn't like he was always invited to stick around. And when he was, it did usually end up like this— he'd put himself in a less populated corner somewhere and make puzzling conversation with those willing to listen.

In their hometown, it had felt like everyone else tolerated it because Mettie was a valuable resource. They knew his penchant for rambling, though, and tried not to engage— Respite himself included.

They couldn't place the feeling as they watched Mettie from the window now, with a handful of people gathered around him, held captive by the way he spoke. These people weren't just being polite, either. They were listening— sometimes even smiling and laughing with him. Sure, they were probably stoned too, but that hardly mattered. It's not like this was the first time it had happened since he’d learned Mettie was also attending Strixhaven. At their cafe shift, during orientation, and at the career fair...things were clearly different here.

A couple of years ago, Respite never would've invited Mettie to a house party with him. It would've been social suicide— he knows; he'd thought about it once early on and didn't even get far enough to invite Mettie before the ridicule started up— and though it had taken a lot to fight against their instinct, they needed to test their theory: Did people here actually like Mettie's company? This party seemed to confirm it for the positive.

In Respite's mind, the jury was still out on whether or not Mettie was cool, but at the very least it seemed like no one was going to corner him in the bathroom and interrogate him about why they saw him talking to the freak who looked like he was one bad day away from shooting up the school (untrue, of course, and tasteless in a way only teenagers could be, but Respite had forced out a laugh at the time).

There was a feeling of relief in that. In knowing that neither of them would be under constant scrutiny from peers and adults alike. Being unknown was freeing in some ways.

But there was a dread in it, too. In losing the structure Respite had spent years delicately building the pieces of their identity around.

A memory from when they were kids came to mind unbidden, of the time Respite had accidentally knocked over one of Mettie's earliest sculptures. It had been unsteady and the base made of air-dry clay toppled easily when Respite bumped the dresser in a fit of energetic excitement, sending it crashing to the ground. The roughly attached bits and bobs came loose and scattered across Mettie's bedroom floor, transitioning from art to disjointed pieces without purpose or clarity in an instant.

For what it was worth, Mettie had taken it in stride even as Respite desperately crawled under his bed with a flashlight to gather everything, apologizing and promising to help him glue it back together. After staying quiet for some time, he'd declared it an act of fate that only added to the piece and gave it new meaning. Respite didn't understand, but they'd been so terrified of being yelled at that they nodded in agreement even as their cheeks were pink from crying. They still attempted to fit some of the pieces back together until Mettie insisted they just put it in an empty shoe box so that he could make something new of it. To this day, Respite had no idea if Mettie had ever fixed it, restructured it, or simply left it as a memorial in his closet.

They wrinkled their nose up at the unwarranted assault of a flashback. Clearly they'd been hanging around Mettie too much already if their thoughts were starting to get this metaphorical. He downed the last of his warm beer, hoping the bile on his tongue would force him to refocus on the party.

#Strixhaven life updates

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acre-of-wheat · 8 months

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I have a random question, if you're okay with answering.

Kit sometimes wants to be punished so that she can feel 'good' again. But sometimes she's being punished because she was genuinely 'bad', and the punishment is a way for her to atone.

My question is what would happen if Kit had to safe word during a punishment? I'm sure it's happened at some point in their long kinky lives. Would she feel like she was, idk, a failure or something because she couldn't take her punishment? Would she not be able to feel absolved of whatever it is she did? And yes Jade loves it when she safe words because it means she trusts her and is respecting her own limits, but would Kit still feel unfulfilled or something? Like she hadn't been good enough?

Or would she try to push through because she feels like she'd be dissapointing Jade if she didn't take hee punishment properly?

Idk if I'm wording this right, but Kit can safe word during a normal session fine, but what about punishments specifically?

(And obv Jade pays attention to Kit and knows when she's getting close, but sometimes it happens regardless of how careful Jade is)

Anyway that's my question. I love your fics thanks.

This is a great and thoughtful question!

I think your instincts are right that Kit would absolutely have a hard time letting herself safe word during a punishment, because yes, she would feel like she's not getting what she needs out of it, and she'd be very afraid of feeling like she's "failing" Jade.

To a lesser extent, every use of a safeword has the potential to feel like that though, which is why Jade now gives effusive praise for Kit using hers.

What I think would happen with a Yellow safeword during a punishment would be a renegotiation of the scene-- lightening or readjusting something or giving Kit more words or contact. If it was a Red they wouldn't worry about trying to renegotiate until well after the fact, but I think Kit would want to revisit the punishment at some point to "complete" it.

#fic asks

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2dkapsddr · 4 months

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December 31st, 2023 - IIDX 31, DDR A3, Arcaea, PIU Phoenix, ProSeka

NOW IT'S THE REAL GRAND FINALE!!! And what better way to celebrate than getting permission to pay Round 1 a lil visit?? (Granted at the cost of paying breakfast at my workplace for my whole family during one of their busiest days, i still feel so bad...)

since i had just eaten a chocolate croissant and 1 (one) pancake, i started off slow and warmed up with my favorite game to play on a full stomach (not really): IIDX EPOLIIIIIIIIIIIIIISS (dan dan dada daan dan dada daan dan dada daan dan dan dan)

stiiiill doing the usual of practicing with RANDOM, but getting more comfortable with using hard gauge! only problem? i forgot premium time (and lost two credits to it)

meh, i'll do better next year (i think)

now, this part was the biggest part and the greatest change of plans i've probably had. originally, since the cab was empty, i was gonna go play sdvx to continue warming up and since i didn't wanna throw up my breakfast still. but then i decided, "yea, i feel fine enough. to the ddr cabs! (also i have sumidagawa karenka stuck in my head please help)"

and what i found at the cabs as a result was... a new year's eve tourney i had no idea about!! hosted by the one and only hambones!!! and (almost) EVERYONE was there to game!!!! sign ups were still open, and a friend from there was Really pushing me to sign up, so i signed up and did a warm up set at first before moving on to the qualifiers!

set A of the qualifiers consisted of Dancer in the flare ESP-13 (DDR A, banger), Like A Star ESP-14 (DDR A3, way harder than i thought it'd be), and Electronic Dance System Music (DDR A, i set my scroll speed too low). Once I did it, it was... very dissatisfying. I could've had better MA, but I struggled finding the timing window and had poor EX score overall.

set B though? KILLED IT. it consisted of Going Hypersonic ESP-15 (DDR A20, very technical rhythms), Black Jackal ESP-15 (DDR A20, more of an MA challenge), and Firestorm CSP-16 (DDR A20, chart added in A20 PLUS, hope you like shocks!), and since I'm a huge fan of uppers charts, I had a blast putting on a show for everyone waiting to get the tourney on (since i was the last one to arrive and last one to finish my qualifiers). Got an AAA on Going Hypersonic and 2g on Black Jackal, and also a really neat upscore on Firestorm!!!

when all was said and done and the tourney scores were tallied, i ended up 5th place overall; barely falling short of the top 4 that would play a new set of two 16s and a 17 that were all really fun... but i was pretty satisfied with my score regardless!!! while i waited for the tourney to end and the results to be announced, i remembered arcaea was having their new year's 100 memories promotions, i finally claimed it for the first since since i downloaded the app 5 years ago!!! ...only to find out that the memories expired 2 days after claiming them (literally Why)

as soon as i got them, though, i Instantly knew what i wanted to buy. that's right. OVERDRIVE!!!! played it three times while everyone else was playing: first attempt was a 69% gauge fail, second attempt was an almost-AA 9.49M, and third attempt was a sick 9.63M jump!!! def worth the impulse purchase

anyways, back to the tournament: after everyone played the three songs, the scores were tallied once more and the victors were called up one by one to claim their prizes. after the top 4 were announced (ambones obvs being 1st), the Hambones Award for Rising Star of the Tournament was announced; pulling ahead by 1 singular vote, it was... ME!!!! 2DKAPS DDR RISING STAR!!!! i was so happy to receive it, and even happier (sorry) when i saw the prizes, which were INSANELY COOL!!! a MAX 300 badge, a Valkyrie Bloom sticker, and some sick shades!!! (and $6 too somehow LOL)

as much as you'd wanna think this post is over now with everything i had written before, NOPE!!! the tournament may have ended already, but i STILL had time to play some extra sets before leaving!! (gotta make up for missing that banger tourney set)

also holy shit tumblr is lagging because of the sheer length of this post LMFAO so we gotta be QUICK!! ROLL IN THE BANGERS!!!

Roppongi A 996k GFC!!!

ELECTRONIC SPORTS COMPLEX ESP-17 GFC!!! (AAA Never)

Death by Glamour ESP-14 AAA!!!

MENTANPINDORADORA AAA!!!

HOU DSP-16 FIRST TRY CLEAR ON FLARE V!!! I SAVED THE BIRD!!!!!!!!

decided that wasn't enough and wanted to close out the session with an extra set, which i Immensely regretted (i was in no shape and no fullness to play sadly)

after all this, i went home to take my Last Shower of 2023:tm: and take it easy for the rest of the year over at my sister's house... but i still had my phone to play on and some proseka to wrap up the year with!!!

so, with all of that writing and all of this buildup, i finally present to you: my last two scores (one append score and my very last AP) of the year! a really wonky and kinda lame year overall, but there was def a lot i wanted to talk about and def a lot more i'll write in the soon-to-come year recap document (along with a 2024 goals post tomorrow!!!), but i'll end it off with these scores and come with more in the next year! thanks for everything in 2023, everyone!!!

#2dkaps 2023 #2dkaps iidx #2dkaps ddr #2dkaps arcaea #2dkaps proseka #2dkaps piu #2dkaps iidx 31 #2dkaps ddr a3 #2dkaps piu phoenix

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br1ghtestlight · 10 months

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would like to hear objectsonas ramble :DD

tbh i posted that so i could trick my friends into private messaging me but since u asked nicely i will actually talk about them publicly :)

uhh jayden's parents met at a high school party when they were like sixteen and they went to the same high school beforehand (obviously) but never really talked very much. he was the product of a one night stand and when his mom told his dad about him a few weeks later he was like im not going to be a dad im sixteen!!!! and his parents basically offered to make this whole thing disappear and he moved schools and never talked to jayden's mom again (fair enough whatever he was a stupid kid) jayden is named after his father who was also named jayden (just jayden. not jayden junior or jayden the second bcuz he took his moms last name anyway) bcuz his mom wanted to honor that part of him

jayden's mom is like REALLY academically intelligent like a straight A+ student she's very smart and analytical even if she never got a chance to go to college or get a good job bcuz she had kids. he ended up getting a lot of that from her even tho he doesn't use it in the same way..... he is without a doubt the smartest of all my ocs and its not even close

his dad was also pretty smart but more socially intelligent. he was popular and very like uhhh he thought about BIG things like religion in the universe he questioned everything and talked back in class A LOT. he was incredibly manipulative and could easily get people wrapped around his finger and ask anything from them etc like very intelligent but he didnt try as hard in school bcuz he didn't care and he didn't like authority telling him what to do or demanding respect from him without earning it (all of these are traits that jayden also developed he's very similar to his dad but maybe a bit more responsible than him) i have absolutely no doubt that jayden's dad went on to develop a billion dollar business or he ended up running new york city or something bcuz he was just that inherently intelligent + powerful (for better or for worse)

i dont think jayden resents his dad for not being there bcuz honestly He doesnt think about his dad at all like he just doesn't exist in jayden's mind and he goes through life pretty much believing that his mom didnt know much about his dad either (whether or not thats actually true) jayden never once thought "why didnt he love me enough to stay" or "why didnt he reach out" bcuz he's just a very logical and intelligent person. but he also doesn't form connections with other people very easily so its probably true that he COULDN'T feel anything for his dad bcuz of that emotional dissociation. doesn't mean he doesnt make jokes about having an absent father occasionally bcuz he thinks its funny even if he doesnt care

jayden's dad (and mom obvs) did graduate high school but jayden never did. his mom very much pushed him to get a good education and good grades and get a high-paying job and be successful in life bcuz she always wanted the best for her son but jayden is just another type of person. he has such a complex perspective on the world and he is very smart BUT he inherently hates being controlled or being told what to do so school and work were never going to be for him. he'd rather be homeless and living on his own terms than rich but working a stuffy 9-5 job and following someone else's orders (which is fine but it does create a lot of problems for him with attachment to people/things) he got into a lot of fights with his mom bcuz of this and after he dropped out she basically told him to go back to school or he would be kicked out of the house and be left on his own with no support from her (she thought this would be enough to convince him to go back) and he took off and never looked back Which really she should've seen coming knowing jayden and knowing what his dad was like *shrugs*

#his dissociation and detachment from pretty much everything is the real problem in his life #bcuz its one thing to drop out of school but if you dont care about anyone or anything then why are you even alive in the first place #if you can never be hurt by anyone why are you even HERE #but fortunately he finds himself in a group of people he really has to be invested in for his own livelihood and he grows up a bit #definitely he is a love letter to a few different people ive known in my life #ask #object ocs

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runningfrom2am · 11 months

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the sea around us; chapter twenty-five

In which Rafe Cameron has to choose between his dad and a pogue who's changing his outlook on life more and more every day.

(rafe cameron x f!oc)

(eventual!jj maybank x f!oc)

warnings/tags: violence, drug/alcohol use, smoking, sexual content (if you squint), slowburn, older brother’s best friend, (these tags are obv not exhaustive but regardless it’s pretty PG13)

wc: 2k

my masterlist

series masterlist

requests

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

We camp out at The Wreck all day, hoping no one will find us. I was expecting a call from Rafe, which, seven hours later, never came . I'll cling to the hope that he changed his mind about John B, but I know he didn't.

I'm trying to sleep on a booth seat late at night, when there's a tapping on the glass at the window above my head.

I snap my eyes open and look up, seeing Rafe leaning against the glass and I sigh a breath of relief. I quietly get up, hoping not to wake my friends, but that plan quickly fails when I realize JJ is sleeping right at my feet. I step on his hand and he quickly wakes up. "Fuck! Oh, god, Snowy, where are you going?" He asks, sitting up and rubbing his hand. I catch him look out the window, seeing Rafe there.

"Oh my god, why did you tell him where we are?" He asks frustratedly.

"He's here to help, okay? I'm just gonna talk to him." I explain, holding on to tables fo support myself as I limp towards the door. JJ gets up to help me.

I carefully unlock the door, seeing Rafe already waiting on the other side. I slip out and go to close it behind me, but JJ steps out with me, crossing his arms as he stares at my boyfriend.

"JJ, please, it's fine. Go back to sleep." I tell him, but he doesn't even look my way.

"Snowy- thank god.." Rafe says softly, quickly pulling me into a hug. "I'm sorry I didn't call. I didn't get the chance, I had to wait until it was dark to sneak away and the whole island is hunting you guys down..."

"It's okay..." I whisper, hugging him back.

"Listen, man, if you're here to screw us over I swear to god-" JJ starts, and Rafe let's me go to confront him.

"I'm not. I'm here to help my girlfriend, since you, her 'best friends' won't take her to the damn hospital." Rafe replies.

"We're not doing this." I shake my head, interrupting before they get the chance to go at each other. "JJ, just go back inside. Please."

JJ takes off his hat and turns to walk back inside, raising his middle finger at Rafe as he steps back in.

"I'm sorry, I know you want to help.." I sigh and Rafe shakes his head, returning his attention to me now.

"It's fine. Here, sit down.." Rafe holds onto my arms and helps me settle onto the ground. "We'll talk and then I'll take you."

"Did you go to the police?" I ask as he sits next to me, and we can look out over the water. I know I'm not going to the hospital with him.

"Yeah, uh, I did." He nods. "I told them you didn't do anything- you just happened to be there, but obviously they still want to talk to you."

"I bet." I reply. "But I'm not telling them it was John B."

Rafe sighs, letting his head fall back against the wall we're leaning on. "Well we have to have our story straight or we all get in shit. And I'm not letting you go down for this."

"I won't. We have a plan." I admit.

"What is it?"

"I can't tell you. The less you know the better." I tell him truthfully.

"You can't run, you have to stay here I will protect you here. My dad agreed to let you out of this." Rafe says, clearly on to me.

I shake my head. "I can't go back to my life without John B when I know the truth. I can't just go back to working at Making Waves and running from my parents, and going to parties and just living my life like normal. I appreciate what you're trying to do but unless he is safe I can't go back."

"I get that, but your life is different now anyways. We have each other- we can get our own place, or something, and, and, and- just do our own thing. I know my dad, he will pay you to keep this secret if we ask and then you won't have to work." Rafe insists, grabbing my hand.

"Rafe," I look back at him, "I just can't." I shake my head again, getting that feeling in my throat that means I'm about to start crying.

"Snowy, we'll figure this out, alright? We will. You'll be okay." He's so confident already that he won't be charged with anything, even though I know he planned to kill the sheriff if I wasn't there.

"Would you have shot her? If I wasn't there, would you have done it?" I ask. Rafe doesn't say anything for a moment.

"I... I don't know." He answers quietly, shaking his head. "I had to do something, I couldn't let my dad get arrested. We would have ran, or something, I don't know..."

"Oh, god..." I say, tears spilling down my cheeks now. "I hate this."

"Please don't cry.. Hey, it's okay..." Rafe says, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer. "Just, please don't run. I'll fix everything, I promise."

He's just not getting it, this isn't something he can fix now. It's not like the cops will believe me over Ward or Rafe when I tell them that it wasn't John B, so I'll just end up getting in trouble for lying or aiding and abetting or something. We just need time.

I shake my head at him. "No, we are going to fix it." I say, wiping my tears away. "We've got a plan and we are going to fix this."

"Snowy- Snowy you're not listening to me, okay? You can't just leave me because of John B." Rafe says frustratedly.

"I have no choice now, I won't lie for your dad. I didn't tell you but he has tried to kill me twice now, in one week. I can't stay even if I wanted to. He will kill me, Rafe." I say seriously. "And I don't want you to have to clean up that mess, and then look my brother in the eyes and act like you don't know anything when he comes to you for support. I can't do that to you guys."

He doesn't say anything, he knows I'm right.

"I think you should probably go..." I whisper, looking anywhere but at him.

"I'm not going without you, let's get you to a doctor okay? If you insist on running you can't do it with a broken foot." I shake my head at this.

"I'll be fine- I'm not sure it's even broken. I can't go." I protest and he sighs.

"Fine- if you are going to be stubborn, good luck." Rafe says as he stands up. "I mean- why can't you see I'm trying to protect you here?" He asks frustratedly.

"I do, thank you, but you know I can't just leave my friends like this. They need me too." As I say this, he covers his face with his hands and shakes his head. I tell he's getting angry now.

"Fuck- oh my god, I am literally begging you to let me help you. I am begging you to be reasonable here!"

"One day you'll understand that I am." I respond.

"No, no. You listen! I am risking everything for you! I am risking our reputation, my dads life just by being here and by going to the police earlier to save you!" He raises his voice now, and then he punches the wall next to the window out of frustration.

Just then, I hear the door open and look over to see JJ walking out. "It's time for you to go." He says, stepping past me to stand between us.

"No, I'm not leaving without her." Rafe shakes his head.

"Yeah, uh, you are, actually." JJ says, nodding a little and flipping his hat so it's backwards.

Rafe begins pacing, talking to himself quietly. He stops right in front of my friend, getting up in his face.

"You are hurting her more than I am- and I hope you fucking know that." Rafe says, poking JJ's chest.

"Rafe, please, just go." I say quietly and he looks down at me, his gaze softening.

"You better listen to her." JJ agrees.

Rafe nods a little, looking disappointed and angry. "Yeah, whatever, Snowy. Good luck." He says, walking away and looking back only briefly as JJ helps me up.

We get back inside and I watch Rafe drive away. I'm not sure I'll ever see him again- and that's how things had to end? I think he's just used to getting his way.

"Are you okay?" I hear JJ asking me and I nod slightly.

"I just didn't want to say goodbye like that..." I mumble, sitting down again at the booth where I was sleeping before.

JJ sits on the ground in front of me. "I mean, I don't want to make you feel worse, but he's not the best guy."

"I know, but his heart is in the right place, you know? He cares about me, he just wants me to be safe. The problem is he doesn't care about you guys. That's where we are different, I guess." I sigh. "But if all of this never happened it would be different."

JJ smiles a little, patting my leg. "Hey, but on the bright side, you'll always have us."

"True." I agree, laughing slightly. "JJ, are you sure you're okay with our plan?" I ask, just to confirm.

He nods, not even hesitating. "I'm sure. We'll go to Yucatan- just the two of us. It'll be the vacation of a lifetime." He smiles and I laugh at that.

"I don't know if I would describe it as a vacation, but sure. Wherever you want- you might have to carry me though." I joke.

"Anywhere." JJ nods, "I give a mean piggy back." He smiles. I know we'll make the most of it, but I'm honestly heartbroken to leave my family behind. With everything going on I haven't talked to the twins as much as I may have liked, but one day I'll explain it to them. Once John B is cleared and everything returns to normal.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

theres only two chapters left in part one! ah!! I'm so excited to get into s2 but I'm really nervous yall are going to hate it bc it takes a sharp turn in direction lol

taglist: @boo22sstuff@madelynie@username5786451 (message me or reply if you want to be added!!)

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