#but i would be happier if they didnt

[littlelightfish]

The hearts don't mean he is in love with no one. The problem with English is how vague of the word love is in his meaning. It envolves different kinds of caring in one single word. But I'll try to express here what I mean.

He cares, as a person, about everyone. This is a basic level of love that he haves towards everybody. He doesn't want anyone to actually die, that's what I mean. He doesn't necesarily cares about someone, but he loves them enough to not want them to die.

He starts befriending someone and gets to know it. He starts liking things about them and disliking others. He starts loving this people in another way, we'll call it liking. This is more a get-to-know phase he doesn't always like. The less he knows, the less reasons to get attached get attached he has. I think this are the kind of love the hearts show in the image. He has to make sure to keep a balance between how much he loves and how much he let's himself be loved. He doesn't want to have misunderstandings. He is in constant fear of "what if I made them love me more and they care more?"

And then it comes the deeply care that love is in the non-romantic way. This care a (good) parent has for his babies. The love that makes people suffer emotionally in an absolute different way from what it could be a heartbreak or a misunderstanding between friends. If something happens to the loved one, the pain is unbearable. It's one of the worst things rhat can happen. And Chilchuck knows this, he is father of three daughters, and his wife left him. She left, he knows the pain it is to come home and find it empty when there should be someone. He knows the guilt it comes with failing those loved ones. The shame. He doesn't like being this vulnerable. This love makes him suffer like no other does. So he is very very carefull of how much he allows himself to care about someone so he won't get to love like this.

He draws a line between work and private life because his private life envolves love and deep care, and he doesn't want to love nor care like this for people who's job is to constantly risk their lifes. He doesn't want to feel the anguish, he doesn't want to feel the loneliness it will come after the unenviable separation of the party.

He tries his best to not get attached to people. To not let people get attached to him. But he fails. He fails and falls downstairs with a whole drum set.

He can't help but to care about this people. He can't help but to love this people he's been living with the past few weeks in the risking of their lifes. He tells himself he's doing this for money and that he doesn't care, but he does.

Those hearts don't mean anything other than him caring about them. He cares about Senshi. He cares about Marcille. He cares about Laios. About Itsuzumi. About Namari. He cares in a way that hurts. He loves this people. He doesn't want to even imagine a world in where they are gone, or suffering, or in problems. They're his friends, they're something he, unwillingly, accepts as family.

He cares about Falin and Mickbell because he doesn't want them dead. He doesn't feel any anguish toward if they do or not get hurt after they're out of his sight. Sure, he cares, but he can live without thinking about them the rest of his days. It doesn't happen like that with Laios. He can't just simply let Laios go and follow Fallin just after he recover consciousness from a punch in the gut. Was it Mickbell, he would let him if he really didn't wanted. But Laios didn't wanted to sit and wait, and he had to care. He had to verbalize to himself that he cared. He had to let them know, so they would act accordingly. So they won't get themselves killed like idiots.

He doesn't want others to fall in romantic love with him. He doesn't feel romantic love towards anyone either. He isn't the man for this kind of love. He is, in fact, afraid of it. He doesn't want to fall in love, because he's still in love with his wife. She left him because he was negligent. But since when has this become the definitive stop for love? Chilchuck knows his wife is angry at him, and she has all the reason to be so! His husband, the one she loved and cared for, gets himself in dangerous situations, treats his body poorly and almost never is home. She loves him, and it hurts her to love like this, so she leaves. Like this she won't have to look at him get himself mistreated like he does. She would have the pull in her's stomach that tells her that he could be in great danger, that she could become a widow, but she tries to calm it with his daughter's mail to him. He could never. He can't imagine a world in wich they cease to exist. A world without his wife, even if she distanced herself, without his daughters, would be a world worthless of living. He knows this. Because he cares and he loves in such a deep level that he is scared of loving anyone else like this. To become so vulnerable to emotion. This vulnerable to something bad happening.

The fact that he is so afraid of loosing his wife, even after she left him, says a lot. He still cares about her. He is still in love with her. He wants to go back to what it was before, but he can't and he know its his fault. And he respects his wife's distance because he loves her. Now, he doesn't love her in the movie way, he isnt in love like a teenager would to his first girlfriend, he doesn't want to kiss her, or hug her, or be by her side at all moments of the day. He loves her. He cares about her deeply, deeply enough that he doesn't need to be by her side to care, to love. He also respects her. He can survive without her because he knows she's better with his daughter. For sure he wants to hug, kiss and be by the side of this person he loves, it would be ideal, but he can survive without thinking about it too much. It's just like with his daughters. They're all adults that now live far from him. And he is ok with it now. He sends mail and recieves mail, and even if he misses greatly, he can manage not to think about it. Because he knows she is allright. Because he knows he fucked up. He doesn't know where he fuked up, but for his wife to leave him, at least he knows he did. They never talked about it, because they both seem to have a problem in expressing themselves. She fell into a bad mood and then she disappeared. The amount of pain he must have felt it's... let's say it's quite big.

He keeps his guard up. He doesn't want to love deeply anyone. He doesn't want to feel the emptiness, the hurt, that comes after someone so dear leaves. He knows for a fact he'll be leaving this people. He knows that they could die. If he loves, it will hurt in a way nothing else hurts. He will miss. He doesn't like missing people he cares like this. This is why he doesn't want to love. This is why he doesn't want to be loved. This is why those hearts that are almost full are his main source of concern. This is why he makes the effort to keep this feelings at bay, to love only in the friendly way and with extreme caution.

But he can't controll his own love. And he ends up caring more and more about these people. He slowly makes him a part of the dangerous love zone that family means. He is afraid to confuse someone about his feelings towards them, so he still tries to maintain distance with his abusive remarks, but this only works so far. He loves and is loved. And because of this he will suffer.

I... I extended myself a bit I see...

#i dont even know what im talking about anymore #but i hope i made sense #as an aroace i feel the need of being extra cautious about how people think of my relationship with them #because I dont want them to like me romantically #i want friendship #because its so uncomfortablr #not #love #so this Chil here is basically me trying to figure out if saying certain things could be considered flirting or not by the other #i shouldnt care #it isnt my fault if they do fall in love with me #but i would be happier if they didnt #to know someone is in love wirh you #and that you dont love him back #but youre still friends #so youre friends but the other wants to be more than that #and to avoid that i gotta measure every interaction #maybe im a bit paranoid #but it has happened to me to have friends fall in love with me #and i dont want to hurt their feelongs but i definitely dont lovs rhem bacj #because i care abkut them in a friendly way #and i don't want them to suffer because of me. but I dont want to suffer because of them either #its all way to complicated? yes bit thing is that chil here represents me interacting with my friends #but in my case the hearts would be romantic #dungeon meshi #chilchuck #chilchuck tims #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi spoilers #my shit

[spacedlexi]

people who think clem surviving makes no sense are so funny. "they were literally foreshadowing her death the entire season" let me introduce you to the concept of a red herring. she tells lilly she isnt lee and shes right. the narrative was forcing her down that path, a path she saw as an inevitable fate waiting to take her too, but its a narrative broken by aj, who is also his own person and not S1 clem

"it happened to lee, and itll happen to you" lilly tells clem she'll die protecting aj from some mistake he makes, when in reality his defiance of her will is what saves her life after she had already accepted her fate. he breaks clem free from the lee cycle and they get their relatively happy ending. good for them

#anyway in the commentary they talk about how they Were going to have a death ending but didnt like the idea of the good/bad ending #and how people would moreso try to avoid the 'bad end' which i understand and appreciate bc thats usually what happens #so instead they gave us both :) idk why some people seem to have such a huge problem with that #they broke the cycle :) the ericson kids broke the cycle by being a loving community :) they all break the cycle by refusing the delta #lilly and minnie were both lost to the cycle. lilly with her dad and minnie with lilly #minnie couldnt let go. clem almost did the same and it would have killed her too. but aj makes a Choice and it saves her #god even tho clem is noticeably happier in s4 shes still so gd depressed and Tired. she accepted it so fast im so glad he saved her #like idk you saw her come back on screen after that massive fake out and you got Mad?? i was crying twice as hard #i know ive made this similar post before but like i still see this criticism in 2024 and i just have to laugh now #it speaks #twdg #i just love the narrative threads of S4 bro.... seasons 1 and 4 are two sides of the same coin and i love that. its satisfying

[celestialcass]

Iris is very special to ART, it allows her curious cheek pats and she allows it to pick her up.

inspired by @rrainbowmagnet "I just want to stretch my arms out as far as I can to gently pat ART on its sparkly cheeks" don't we all

#the murderbot diaries #asshole research transport #perihelion #tmd iris #system collapse #tmd ART #my art #'humanoid' ART #digital art #murderbot #me stop drawing humongous beings interacting fondly with tiny humans challenge level IMPOSSIBLE #im happier with the colors and lighing in this one than the last few but i still didnt FULLY render it bc that would take fucking forever #i also draw all of its humans and MB in comfy clothes bc they deserve to be comfy

[the-meme-monarch]

been a hot hot minute since i grieved my cat phantom specifically but oh my god i need another black cat in my life. i miss him so bad

#sorry i saw a video of a black cat and was overcome with a feeling #i love my cats i currently have. andim not sure id be ready to have another after they die. but right now i need a black cat. yknow #a black cat would fix me /jokey #words from the monarch #but if i got a black cat While my current cats are alive i would need to make sure they get along with tawny. #she does not get along with the boys. she didnt get along with arctic either #i would like for her to have a friend but honestly. i kinda think shed be happier as an only child

[urheartsamess]

i was working on a gifset and i realised that when vegas got shot and hit the ground he wasnt immediately unconscious his eyes were still opened….. u can see the confusion and the light slowly fading away yet the last thing he does before closing them is turning his head towards pete to look at him. and when theyre fully closed thats when pete actually starts screaming his name. he was looking at pete up until the end. i think i need a moment

#flipping scenes is dangerous i would NOT recommend #it could k!ll u #wish i could go back to the me who didnt know this she was happier #again idk if someone already noticed this but thats a new unlocked detail for me and i! feel! properly! sick! #vegaspete

[arom-antix]

Y'all have probably seen @yaoiconnoisseur's incredible Red String of Fate illustration (if not, where have you been, go bask in it's beauty right now) and I mentioned that I loved it and had thought about doing a dtiys and they let me!

Truly an honour to get to draw such an iconic piece in my style!

#seriously this was so fun to work on #the high contrast hightlights combined with the greyscale and then the red string? #the greyscale and string is what originally drew me to it because thats just peak visuals #and the delicious poses of course #i didnt quite get the same energy in mine but im happy with it #and since i love rendering this was just cheffs kiss to work on and play with #and you know i have to do it tumblr mutual lines on ice #i would like to personally thank viktor for canonically having long hair #i want to eat it #i love how it turned out so much #i should really draw more dramatic long hair #and the light on yuuris shirt and face? #could not be happier #thank you yaoiconnoisseur for letting me have this absolute win of an art experience #arom antix art #arom antix #art #yuri on ice #yoi #yuri on ice fanart #yoi fanart #fanart #katsuki yuuri #viktor nikiforov #viktuuri #collab

[thefirstknife]

So I’m a little confused by the cutscene from today and I know you’re usually the best person to ask for lore stuff, are we absolutely sure this was the traveler standing it’s ground and saying “I’m here come and get me” or was the traveler going to leave and try and run?

Super hard to say. Really, we have no clue. We've not heard anything from the Traveler in a while. In a way, it feels definitely deliberate, making us come to our own conclusions about its actions.

Given the fact that it stayed the moment the nukes were gone, I'd say it was standing its ground. Or possibly trying to at least minimise damage. From all we know, it could've just left and kept going as far as it could, although it is true that the chances of leaving the system are almost zero. However, it could've probably avoided the immediate warsat damage if it flew further away. But it didn't!

The movement feels more like a precaution than anything else, especially with it hanging around in orbit. Ofc, it might still move again later, but for now it's still with us and that really says a lot.

A lot of people will probably call it cowardly or evil or whatever other derogatory names and I'll always maintain that they simply do not understand what the Traveler is or what it does.

The Traveler is its own being with its own feelings and character and goals. We do not own it, we have no inherent rights to it and we were never supposed to keep it forever. It should be free to leave whenever as its gifts to us have far exceeded any gifts anyone has ever received. People need to realise that the idea of eternal and rightful ownership of the Traveler and the idea that it should do what we say is the idea of our enemies.

The fact that it still hangs around with us (it could've left once it woke up after Red War or when it healed fully in Arrivals or even after Witch Queen and of course now) means that it chose to do so. And one day it may choose to actually depart. Perhaps one day when we defeat our enemies and it's safe to move around the universe and we're no longer in any danger, the Traveler will feel like it can continue on its quest. Until then, it is very likely standing ground with us.

But also keep in mind that interpreting the Traveler is the setting's most coveted ability and nobody has been able to do it without fail. Whatever its plans or goals are right now, we have no idea and can only extrapolate from what we already know. I think most are in agreement that the most recent move was a defensive action, for itself and for us.

#destiny 2 #destiny 2 spoilers #season of the seraph spoilers #traveler #ask #i immediately saw so many comments online about how the traveler is evil and like. pls #it didnt even leave fully. but even if it did it would be fine? like it's allowed to save itself #if it dies we all go down with it so it's not exactly an entirely selfish action to protect itself #by protecting itself it also protects ghosts and guardians #it's super chilling actually that it's still here with the entire fleet descending on us #and we know that next season there's pyramid cities on earth #genuinely i am so scared for the traveler and would've been happier if it moved further away #it's so exposed here now. i am very concerned for it

[mintscampi]

i think. i need to take time away from interacting with peoplw for a little bit.

#i hate feeling like like im forgettable and am annoying to friends. #all thw time. i try to play games and vc withh them but wnd up just taking time away from others and making others teel left out. #maybe if i didnt exidt then people would be happier.

[n7punk]

At first reading City of Angels I was excited to see the trans Catra tag bc I'm trans and these stories mean a lot to me. As I got further in I was worried it'd only come up for the purposes of smut since the fic was rated E. In the end that wasn't case and I feel like you did a great job of having Catra be trans, having that not be the focal point of the story, and not having it come off as fetishistic. So thanks <3

ty! yeah, the point was that catra just is who she is and that's only a part of her life experience (and she gets to choose who she wants to share it with when the public so often tries to take things like that), so it's a facet of a larger catradora story focused on their relationship repairing like all my others. i got an ask when i started the fic that i never got around to answering (sorry, been low on spoons lately) because i've previously mentioned that same thing so the anon was asking how you "tell" when that's the reason, but it's really hard to verbalize. that is i think why it's important to have stories where smut is just a small part of it or not at all, though. like this fic is rated E because it gets so far Towards smut, but that was important to me because i wanted to include the discussion of what words she uses (and im glad i did since some people hadn't heard of that). i was honestly worried about rating it that high, but it was an aspect of dysphoria (for some people, i'll reiterate it's not a universal thing for all trans people!) that i wanted to cover and hadn't before.

#when i was complaining before. there was a fic that you could Blatantly Tell was written by a cis man using adora as a self insert #it was problematic & awful & the consent was weird & it was all so bad but i dont know how to describe the red flags beyond that #its just sometimes Very Obvious #wait. omg. i passed my top surgeryversary earlier this month and i didnt notice??? #still dont have any feeling back but 😑 so much happier than i used to be it's always a nice reminder when it comes around on the calendar #cant believe i didnt notice WHILE I WAS WRITING THE FIC since it happened during it idk why it hit now but. feels good to remember #i was SO lucky #i did it a few months before covid hit #if i had waited then it would have been delayed for years #VERY GRATEFUL #fic ask #anon

[menalez]

once in school (maybe 8th or 9th grade) they made us watch this random vintage period movie for ''educational'' purposes and there was a rape scene in the beginning and the killing of an animal. i remember feeling so disturbed and also humiliated, considering i had to watch this in the presence of a bunch of school boys sitting right next to me. i remember feeling kind of annoyed the whole day afterwards and i just kinda had this uneasy feeling. now, i get the the movie was depicting war times and whatnot and i don't consider myself sensitive, meaning i can watch media or documentaries that depict certain level of ''real life'' horrible situations (tho i prefer to do it in my own privacy) but the way they had to make us watch it still irks me. cuz like you know schools avoid anything ''sexual'' and barely even give proper sex ed(if none at all, especially a decade ago and where i come from), but suddenly showing a guy raping a woman to a bunch of underage teens is ok, and that too without warning, like nobody told us there are gonna be any such scenes. like you know they would never show it so casually if it was the reverse.

thats so disgusting!!! im so glad that at least today trigger warnings have been more normalised despite the weirdos that were vehemently against it for absolutely no reason (not everywhere unfortunately but heres hoping). and especially showing a bunch of students in school some movie depicting women getting raped?! like teenage boys are already a menace and i know if it were in my school they probably wouldve joked around about it somehow. i remember back then people saying "omg i got raped by the exam" and "haha ill rape u" were saying something quite normal, so rape was viewed as a joke basically. and guys would make those moaning noises and sexually harass so many of us as a "joke". schools should be more responsible and doing more to protect the female students frankly, i dont know why on earth they think showing a woman being raped in a film to children was somehow deemed appropriate especially with the climate female children often face in mixed sex schools

im sorry u went thru that anon

#i still remember in like 2008 i think i was like ... 10? 9? when we played hsm2 in class #and the guys reacted weirdly and started making noises and oooing and aaaaing #bc it was the scene for the song fabulous where they show ashley tisdale in a bikini or sth. #after that the teacher changed the movie and showed us that one slasher movie with that guy killing ppl in a car or sth.. it was a horror #franchise and i think the name was long. anyways they deemed that more appropriate to watch #bc then the annoying guys in class would be happier and stop being gross #bc they didnt wanna watch hsm2 anyways ..

[ittybittybeastiebuddy]

Staring into space wide eyed while an overlay of the birth of the universe plays

#beastiebites #im gonna have to do more research for sure but uh #went into the otherkin tag to see some more posts to try and understand it better and was Immediately struck by immense deja vu #like #oh my god i understand you guys on a goddamn spiritual level #yes i also did in fact grow up wanting to be a wild animal #i still chirp and meow and hiss to communicate #what do u Mean im not alone or a freak for doing that what do u Mean there were people like me out there this whole time #brb gonna fight god for denying me access to the communities that wouldve made me mentally happier for the last 20 years #seriously though of my god #i havent felt this seen since i discovered i was autistic and went to find out about other experiences #oh my god #i could actually cry #this explains So Much #i think whats getting me the most is that Im Not Alone there are Other Creatures Like Me and i just Didnt Know #Cause I Never Really Knew What Otherkin Meant But I Knew That Some People Would Be Mean About It And I Was Scared #And i try so fuckin hard not to care what people think of me but i was scared and that kept me from finding people like me #im not alone im not weird or a freak for this im not alone there are others like me

[hearties-circus]

Oh yeah practicing pokemon with some rampardos solly:]

#al art #al ocs #rampardos #im gonna be honest with you solly would be so so so much happier as a rampardos #not just because rampardos are dumb but that whole ignorance is bliss is definitely a part of it #i think she would just fucking love being a rampardos #ALSO ALSO can i say how fucking perfect rampardos is for them? the colour scheme the headbutting the typing #THE BLUE HELM ON ITS HEAD #ALSO solly theyre. vaguely supernatural. in the whole undead 'cane back wrong' way with a helping of amnesia right? #so how fucking fitting is it that rampardos is an EXTINCT pokemon that was brought back artificially that NATURALLY learns a psychic move #zen headbutt my fucking beloved #i already adored rampardos before but after assigning it to solly like im in love genuinely like top 5 pokemon. maybe even 3 #i gotta say i didnt want to give solly a face even as a dinosaur but i didnt really know how to cover it #do like you know how the flat top of rampardos' head is a much darker black than the rest of its body? i just pulled that over the eyes #did not know what else to do honestly but i think it works #solly

[mimiatmidnight]

Will you be commenting on the Taylor drama?

I love the way this was worded, like I'm one of the siblings on Succession and the press has cornered me outside my penthouse to ask if I'll be releasing a statement on my family's latest scandal. Hehehe anyways.

Sorry but I just don't understand how anyone is shocked. Truly what has that woman ever done to successfully convince people that this is out of character for her. Like I don't want to diminish anyone's pain or anything but I see all these stans on here and over on Twitter in all this distress, having their very first epiphanies like "Hold on . . . does Taylor . . . suck??" And I kinda just have to chuckle at them cause like bless your hearts babes, but omg catch UP 😭

Lol because 1) she is a severely emotionally stunted person who thinks edgy British "bad boys" are hot like she's 12 years old, 2) she has no true deeply-held moral principles outside of issues that directly affect herself, and 3) truthfully, she seems to be suffering from a serious crisis of identity after the end of the longest and most significant romantic relationship of her life, and in my opinion is pretty clearly desperate to prove something to the world/her ex/herself.

The first reason is cringe but not news to longtime viewers, the second reason is pathetic but also not news (to those who can be honest with themselves), and the third is . . . understandable in some sense, but not pitiable enough to make me willing to humor this insufferable little episode she's having. I wish her luck on this humiliating rebound journey, but she is gonna have to walk that road on her own.

Normally, I always roll my eyes when people make these kinds of jokes, but given the circumstances I feel justified in saying: I can't wait to hear the breakup song about him, sis 🤡

#the great thing about disliking your own fave is that they simply do not have the power to disappoint you lol #like her stans (at least those who arent complete sycophants—which sadly is not most) are breaking down over Babys 1st Cognitive Dissonance #meanwhile im just over here chilling lol #ive also just NEVER been particularly invested in her personal life anyways so im gucci on that front too #i didnt even realize specific songs were about specific celebrity exes until *several* years into listening to her music #thats how unplugged i am lol #she is unusually extremely visible in the collective conscious right now cause of the tour and this insufferable PR blitz #but the absolute best thing for me is when she disappears and i dont have to perceive her -- the actual person -- outside of her music #and then it can just be me and my lifelong companion the fictional character “taylor swift” (c)(r)(tm) #so personally the only real threat this hangs over my head is the thought she might put him on an album #like that does strike real terror in my heart im ngl #ESPECIALLY any of the rerecords oh my god #and given the way hes been tailing her in and out of that damn studio . . . its not looking good for me kids 🥴 #i cant believe she would be that dumb after making the same mistake with joe on folklore #cause even tho now she has to suffer the indignity of sharing a grammy with her ex (LMAO) #at least we can understand that at the time she thought they were in it for life #but if she pulls that shit again with a REBOUND??? just to like stick it to joe or further delude herself or whatever? #idk im gonna need interpol or somebody to step in and do something drastic like this is a cry for help #did you guys see that euphoria meme someone made about her deranged “ive never been happier!!!!” speech the other day? #it was SO funny ill go find it

[redrocketpanda]

Woke up this morning dreaming of riding a horse through a forest until I get to a big ass lake, and then getting off to sit by it and just stare out over its great expanse, listening to the sounds of The World

#what if moving to america and just being in Nature would fix me actually lmao #america is scary af tho what with all the guns and terrifying weather and stuff #but damn #i have a lot of regrets about how i lived my 20s. just surviving day to day but not really living #and now im 32 im looking at where i am and realising i dont want to be in this situation #ive lived in london my whole life and just... What If i didnt #what if i lived somewhere with lakes and forests and wildlife and horses #would i actually be happier or is it all just romantic idealism?

[jbt7493]

going through my steam wishlist with hundreds of games that i have added over the years, many that i do not remember whatsoever, that are from a genre i have found i dislike, that famously disappointed, that have mostly negative steam reviews. some of them i note that theyre the sort of touching narrative that probably would have changed who i am if i had played them when i was like 14, but that im not sure i would really be affected by now.

Removes 20 Minutes Till Dawn and nothing else

#also man I didnt even realize you could rank games in your wishlist #related to my thing about feeling like i have not experienced life as much as other people i do wonder if i would be happier #had i spent more money on and played more narrative video games as they came out. cause some of these look pretty neat had i played them at #the right time. and admittedly perhaps im being overly cynical considering i am Not That Old and am still plenty affected by art #but also i dont really wanna get too into it cause itd distract from shitting on 20 minutes till dawn

[kendallroysmethpipe]

I genuinely do believe my mom when she tells me she's happy she got pregnant with me and happy she had me and that I saved her life or whatever but I also do know she'd be so much happier if she didn't have me

#my mom loves me snd my brothers i know this. but she would be happier if she was childless even if sje wouldn't say it. i also know that #she had me 2 days before her 18th birthday. she didnt even get to graduate highschool before she had me #she didnt finish college because of me shed probably have an actual career in the medical field if she didnt have me #i want my mom to be happy and sometimes i feel like its my fault shes not. many such cases