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#but sometimes landscape is good too
sigma-el · 1 month
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Home and shrooms and yellow
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I have a big google doc thing where I keep track of media and stuff (putting everything in loosely ranked categories), which is mostly just for my own reference so I know what tv shows I've already seen before, etc. and I never really look back through it, typically just a quick "okay, watched two movie in the past 8 months, need to quickly slap them somewhere in the lists. okay. done. save document. exit". But today I was actually reading through some of the old notes and there are like... MULTIPLE places where my comment is basically "It would have been good if it were about elves" or "I wish there was a fantasy show made in this same style" or "It's well made, but I just keep thinking about how I would like it more if everyone was an elf or was in old 1700s costumes" or etc like...... lol.... Most biased media ranking system on earth blatantly made by someone with an extremely hyperspecific range of narrow interests. It'd be like if a food reviewer only had 5 foods they actually liked, so they'd just go to a pizza place and be like "eh, the pizza was okay, but I just think it would be better if it was cereal instead. :/ ...2 out of 10"
#Which.. I mean... I am allowed to be biased because literally it's just for my own personal reference (or occasionall#y to send to friends or something if we're discussing the topic) so like.. nowhere am I saying 'I am the god of perfect taste and these#rankings are objectively the absolute truth and everyone should have my same opinion' or anything#BUT still.. it's funny to me sometimes#'Succession would be 100x better if it had the same cast/character quirks and shaky camera style and#acting choices/weird dialogue and general concept etc. EXCEPT it takes place within an elven noble family or something#managing the family business and everyone is in fantasy costumes now'' like.....okay...... but it's NOT that way..soo... thats not the show#''I like the acting style/general tone of Fleabag but i don't care for any of the characters or any of the subject matter and I wish it was#set in the 1800s and had vampires and was about magic instead'' okay..... again... you are making up an entirely new show in that case lol#OR my other beloved typical complaint ''The concept is good but theres too much plot and action and not enough people just sitting#around doing nothing and exposition dumping world and character lore'' ''this needs more goofy sideplots and filler episodes''#''this Drama was too dramatic I think it should be more lighthearted & people need to sit around doing nothing just being weird more often'#''the Action Movie was ok except for the action scenes - which I skipped through all of- but I liked the costumes and worldbuilding'' etc.#ERM sorry your plot has too much plot. also elves have to be included somehow. bye#BUT SERIOUSLY!!!!!! I literally genuinely believe that any show I like (or even dislike) could ALWAYS be improved greatly by#putting people in fantasy or historical costume/setting/etc... why the FUNK would I want to see bland jeans and cars and cell phones#when I could see elaborate velvet cloaks and fantastical landscapes and interior design and innovative takes on historical or#magical technology or etc. etc. etc. I LIVE in the modern day. I see it all the time!!! BORING! stinky!! boo!!!#ANYWAY... another social divide for me.. People love to bond by discussing media. which is hard when I'm like#'I literally will not watch something at all unless it fits into one of these 10 extremely specific categories which are all i care about i#the entire world''.. I say this and yet I still dislike most fantasy or historical things I've watched lol. ok TWO main criteria then!!#it must 1. be in a different world or time period. 2. be goofy silly. Nothing ever has BOTH. It's always overly serious boring drama action#fantasy/history stuff OR it's comedic lighthearted but with modern day characters... WHY.. anguish and woe and so on..#ANYWAY jhjnk... at least I can make that divide. Some people seem to project their own personal preferences and get really emotionally#defensive if you say you didn't like something - as if the fact that they DO like it is some Objective Truth or something rather than just#opinion/preference based. I can still easily say ''this is well made/well written/acted/good in a technical sense/has a lot of#points of appeal that most people would be drawn to/etc'' and admit that it's a GOOD show probably. I just PERSONALLY think its#bad because my tastes are very narrow. Some things ARE actually made badly but. things are not bad INHERENTLY just bc they dont suit ME lol#Better to recognize/accept whats odd about you and be peacefully aware of it than just being mad at everyone all the time for not fully#agreeing with you even when you're the one with the Weird opinion in that case lol.. I am right though :3 but.. lol... still. i get it
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jitterbugbear · 27 days
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Your nature art is so lovely!! the colors make it feel magical but like you're really there
wahhh thank you so much, that's so lovely to hear<333
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limewatt · 1 day
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i need to make a revised tag list so bad. do i just start tagging things properly now or do i wait forever until i go and fix my tags
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sanchoyo · 11 months
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ik i said i wanted to do at least 2-3 personal solo zines this year aside from the one i already put out but im having such a hard time deciding on a topic?? 'random art zine' or 'sketchbook zine' feel too random kadhfkj. and the only thing ive been MEGA into lately have been my own ocs but making a zine with them would feel weird..also very niche lmao
#also i really dont like the idea of putting my silly oc stuff behind paywalls if im being real ajsdkf theyre goobers free to the world#if i didnt need money i wouldnt even consider any of the zines being paid zines#id just make em all free forever bc i rly do just enjoy sharing stuff like that#but alas...the horrors (being poor + severely mentally ill so i need money sometimes for things) agh...#everytime i sell stuff or make some money with comms something happens like i need to buy pet stuff (food or litter or my dogs expensive#flea pills but they NEED those bc ticks and fleas here in the summer are actually SO bad he needs the vet grade tablets to handle them)#so basically my debt isnt necessary getting too much worse which is good! but its also not..improving bc i keep havin to buy necessities#im not buying anything crazy or nyhting just absolute must haves yk..and yet#oh well at least ppl buying the clothes means ill free up a lort of space if nothing else like even if theres no actual..profit HSDKF#theres two boxes worth of clothes haha...it makes me happy to think ppl will wear them tho since im not anymore#ive been very unhappy w my own clothes augh :( i want to be happy wearing things but idk. idk. nothing i have is sparking enough joy lately#ive bene living in pjs...going to public places in pjs...#very out of character for me but god lol my brain lately#i got some more books at the libraby today when i was picking my nephew up tho :) so that made me happy#theyre all art related !! so mostly pictures + artists talking abt their techniques#all landscape related bc i wanna do more complex painted bgs this year and dip my toes into traditional art a lot more. my sister is#actually a great painter so maybe ill ask her for pointers. but then again thats kinda embarrassing so maybe not#sanchoyorambles#BASICALLY YES MORE ZINES ARE MTH I WANT TO DO BUT IDEAS. NOT WORKING RN
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obsessivevoidkitten · 5 months
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Hellbound Angel
Male Yandere Demon x Male Angel Reader (CW: Noncon, drugged reader, drugged sex, drug-like cum, drug-like saliva, big ol' horse cock, literally equine dick, belly bulge, armpit kink, scent kink, musk, underwear sniffing, kidnapping, general yandere behavior, temporarily mind-broken reader, religious themes, dehydration, forced feminization, reader has minor injuries not inflicted by yandere) Word Count: 2.2k
In the never-ending war against the legions of Hell, the middle ground where most of the fighting was done was on Earth. However, the heavenly forces sometimes deemed an incursion into Hell necessary.
You had been sent on a mission to scout ahead and take note of the coming forces.
Angels were stronger than most demons. Even so, almost your entire squad had been wiped out in a bloody ambush. The other survivors had used the one holy recall scroll to teleport themselves back to heaven.
Each squad sent into Hell is given one and only one. They probably thought you were dead already when they left still with demons in pursuit. They had to act quickly. You didn't blame them. Without it, you were trapped here. Unless you could find a demon's gate that could take you to Earth. That's how the demons made it out. But there would certainly be legions of the enemy at such places.
You had managed to escape the slaughter of your scouting party, but you were injured. Your wings had been hurt as had your leg. Relatively minor injuries, but in a hostile land, they certainly made things more difficult.
To be honest, you weren't exactly the strongest angel on a good day. This was not a good day.
You limped along the rocky landscape, using your holy staff as a walking stick. You stayed low to remain unseen by any wandering beasts or demons as you made your way out of the fiery wastelands and into the white sand desert. Hell wasn't all fire and brimstone. It was the most popular depiction of Hell's most dramatic landscape, but there were other biomes, too. Now you were getting into one of the many deserts Hell had to offer.
It was cooler than the burning wastes, but by no means was it comfortable. Water and food were scarce, the white sands were nearly blinding, and the swirling black sky was a constant ominous reminder that you were not safe.
You could go a long time without food and water. You wouldn't die without them, but after a while, you would wither up and be unable to move. You'd go into a kind of stasis. And then you'd be defenseless.
For days, you wandered. At least... you thought it was days. Despite the perpetually black sky the sun never set. Your lips were chapped, your wounds aching, hope dying in your heart. You had to find an oasis to rest at. Build up your strength. From the limited maps you had seen of this region of Hell there should be one at the heart of this desert, but with your wings and legs messed up it would still take many days still to reach it.
There were several more days of endless marching, hobbling on your injured leg that was getting harder and harder to walk on before you finally saw the oasis in the distance. You tried your best to approach stealthily, going behind dunes and sand drifts whenever possible, and wrapping your white wings around you to provide some measure of camouflage with the white sands. As you got near, it disappeared in a puff of smoke. And out of the smoke stood a demon. It was a trap.
Dark brownish red skin, sharp horns, a tail flicking back and forth, and he stood at least a foot taller than you. He was very muscular, his sweat coated abs glistened in the sunlight. He wore nothing. His long horse-like cock and big nuts swinging freely below a thick patch of black pubic hair.
You caught yourself accidentally staring and looked away quickly before readying your divine staff for a fight. Which was really hard, since you could barely stand without it.
The demon winked and chuckled.
"Do you like it~ There's no harm in just looking, you know?"
He closed the distance between the two of you in a flash and knocked the staff away in one fluid motion.
"As a matter of fact, you can do a lot more than look, little bird. My cum would make you feel so much better~ That oasis you're looking for is still miles away."
"Uh, thanks for the kind offer, but I think I will pass. I'll just be on my way and out of your hair."
You stepped back slowly, hoping to make it to your staff so you could maybe limp away and give him a good smack if he followed. But he wasn't giving you the chance.
"Oh, but you're dehydrated!"
He took a few steps forward until there were mere inches between you. He put a hand on your cheek and thumbed at your chapped lips gently.
"Your lips are all dry. Let me help~"
Before you could decline, he held your head in place and leaned down. He traced and prodded your sore lips with his long slick tongue.
You tried to push him away but couldn't do much in your current condition. And the saliva was having some kind of effect on you.
He slipped his tongue past your lips and kissed you greedily.
Your head grew fuzzy and your legs weak. His spit was some type of drug. It felt... nice...
You resisted it as long as you could, even resorting to biting his tongue, but he ignored it and continued. Moments later, you slumped against him, your head on his muscular chest. The only thought in your head as you passed out was how nice this man in front of you smelled.
He picked you up gently and carried you bridal style. It was fitting since you were certainly his little bride now, as far as he was concerned. He placed a chaste kiss on the top of your head and then started walking towards the underground dwelling he called home.
When you woke up, your wounds had been healed, and you felt a lot better. Though you were still dizzy. There was an intoxicating smell all around you and you didn't recognize your surroundings.
Your first instinct was to jump up and flee, but you were immediately pulled back down and placed in the lap of your demonic captor. His monstrous cock poking out between your thighs.
You looked down and realized you were naked, your soft cock and balls laying on his unnaturally warm prick.
"Let me go!" You elbowed him as hard as you could but he must have made sure you stayed drugged because you couldn't muster up any strength to put into your struggle.
"Let you go? After all the trouble I have gone through to romance you?"
"Romance!? You kidnapped me and I don't even know who the fuck you are, creep!!"
You struggled with renewed anger, smacking your head backwards, elbowing, kicking, and scratching. All amounting to you gasping for breath, tired, while he chuckled at the attempt.
"You're in Hell! I could have raped you and left you in the sand to be killed by any passing monster and that still would have been considered romance."
He placed his large hands on your legs with his thumbs drawing lazy circles on your thighs.
"I saved you from the desert, treated your wounds, let you rest for days, fed you, gave you water, and bathed you. That is damn romantic!"
He started assaulting your neck with little licks and kisses, enjoying how you squirmed in protest while sitting on his equine cock.
"As for the name that you'll be moaning when I bury myself in you, it's Tevrik."
"My friends will come back for me. You should save yourself the trouble and let me go now!"
This was a bluff, of course. They almost certainly thought you were dead. You didn't know if your deception would work, but you didn't expect him to respond with a cackle.
"No, they won't! Rathiel won't let em!"
A shudder went through you at the mention of your boss who had ordered the mission into Hell.
"He's one of Hell's best agents. Gives us lots of intel."
You were dumbfounded and fell silent a moment before regaining your composure and replying angrily.
"Lies from a worthless demon!"
"I'd never lie to you, sweetie~"
He trailed his hands up and down your thighs as he continued.
"How else did we set up that ambush? Rathiel sent you to us. We needed more angel blood. But not yours."
Your blood ran cold as he began grinding into you.
"I picked you out from a bunch of employee profiles just to be my little princess. I'm half angel myself and wanted an angel bride~ We'll rule this region of Hell together!"
He repositioned you on his lap to face towards him as his flared cock grew fully erect.
"You weren't supposed to be hurt in the battle. I'm so sorry about that. I killed the demons who did it."
You didn't even struggle when he positioned you above his dick, hot precum smearing your hole as his cock pressed against it. The betrayal drained the fight from you.
"After the battle, I just followed you for a bit, so you'd be tired. And now here you are. With me."
The precum and smell of his arousal were making you dizzier. The words he spoke brought tears from your eyes.
"Awe, don't cry. After we have some alone time to adjust, I'll take you to the palace~ You'll be royalty!"
You winced as his cock entered you, expecting pain. Surprisingly, there was none. Instead it was like every cell in your body was filled with pleasure.
This couldn't be right. You had to escape. Sex with a demon was a very taboo thing.
You started struggling but Tevrik held you still.
"Shhh, I know you're upset. But just let it happen, okay? I'll make you feel so good."
As his precum continued to dribble out of his dick and into you and as the betrayal by your trusted higher up sank in you once more lost the will to fight.
Why were you fighting anyway? This cock felt so nice. And he was so kind and romantic to go through all this trouble to get you away from your evil boss right?
You relaxed and lay against his chest as he pumped into you slowly. You looked up at him and realized he had your underwear in his hand and was holding it up to his nose sniffing the crotch.
"You smell so good, girly. So good. You feel good too."
"You smell nice too!" Then your brain caught up with the rest of what he had said.
"A-and I'm not a g-girl." Too focused on your pleasure to really care.
"Nah, you're too pretty to be a man. Too weak too. Plus you have this tight little cunt hugging my dick. You're definitely a girly~"
"O-okay."
You blushed because he called you pretty. You supposed he made a lot of sense. You were clearly a girl. You wondered why you didn't know that sooner. It felt right.
He chuckled warmly as you drooled on his chest and made cute little gasps and moans. He couldn't wait until you were moaning his name.
Tevrik didn't pound you, he didn't want to hurt his sweet baby bird. Instead he just rocked his hips into you and enjoyed the effect it had on you.
After you started making those delicious noises his demonic precum began to make you super cuddly. He continued to breed your tight hole while you started nuzzling him and leaving gentle kisses on his chest. He began grinding into you a bit faster and more forcefully, his cock clearly outlined through your belly as it nestled into you as deeply as he could get it.
"Fuck babe, I'm about to bust."
But you came before he did it. Your cock spilling silvery angelic seed on his belly as you called his name and clung to him tightly. The combined sight of you cumming while impaled by his dick while at the same time calling his name just like you promised he would sent Tevrik over the edge. His large balls filled your tummy with hot demon cum. It made you feel warm and fluttery and loved. Like you could feel his emotions through his seed.
You were so tired from all the emotion and sex that you passed out on top of him, nuzzling your nose into the comforting scent of his armpit as you clung to him.
Tevrik smiled. You were just so precious. Sadly, he knew you'd regress back into struggling against him. But that was okay. He would keep reminding you how the angels threw you away and keep breeding you full of his drug-like semen. Soon you'd crave it. He'd bed you constantly until you needed it. And then breed you as much as you wanted him to after that.
Yeah, it would take a while. But he had all the time in the universe.
Tevrik sighed with content and closed his eyes, taking your underwear and putting it back up to his nose while he relaxed with his cock still deep inside you.
You may have been in Hell, but Tevrik was in Heaven.
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simonrillleyyysss · 5 days
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can you please write ghost and a reader that's very shy, like cant look at him in the eyes and blushes very easily, but when is having sex with simon is very vocal and demanding
love this nonnie!! wrote this during my lecture :3
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simon is very very understanding… holding hands on the sofa? your face is turning red and you’re blubbering apprehensively into his chest on the sofa, legs straddling his beefy thighs comfily, his hand stroking your head.. only teases slightly.
“ooh, baby all red?”
“quieett.”
“all cute n’ soft.”
kissing? you’re trying hide yourself in his neck afterwards, his wandering hands hungrily groping at your waist n’ hips..kissing the soft landscape of your throat, teeth nipping and bruising at it—telling you how you don’t need to be embarassed.. he isn’t even doing anything yet.
pda? you’re complaining about how it’s innappropriate to kiss at the park, empty.. it’s dirty to, not socially acceptable! he doesn’t care, pecking your cheek for a second has you complaining and shouting at him, so dramatic..
sex? you’re so controlling, sitting yourself down on his tongue and rocking your hips back and forth, listening to the lewd ‘aaahh—‘ sounds and slurping, your hands gripping the headboard for dear life..
“simon-more, give me more. now, i need it.”
“bossy-boots, eh?”
you’re quick to shut him up with your grinding.. spilling your sweet nectar as he sucked at your clit, it all becoming too much..
let’s you take charge sometimes, bouncing atop his heavy cock after a long days work, babbling about how good it feels with his length entering and leaving your fluttering hole, his thumb tracing the mold of your stomach with such loving tenderness.. but you’re all bark no bite,
doesn’t take him long to shove your face into the mattress and ram into you with such desperation and hunger, hand striking at the fat of your ass without any reconsideration.
“fuckin’ taking it perfectly, yeah?”
“yes simon—yesyesyesyesyes..that feels so—so fucking good..oh, ah..”
“not so shy now, eh? just fuckin’ desperate for my dick, dirty slag.”
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merakiui · 4 months
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100%
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yandere!malleus draconia x (female) reader cw: yandere, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, pregnancy, implied baby-trapping, captivity, very vague and slight implications of codependency, angst note - your mobile phone was at 100% when he took you away. with time, the percentage has diminished. so, too, does your hope for a brighter future.
The windowpane is spattered with rain.
Sitting cozy in a cushioned alcove, you watch the droplets slide down in regal rivulets, consolidating to form single streaks. The scenery beyond the window is bleak and dreary—a despondent landscape of gnarled, leafless trees and scratchy brambles stretching towards a dark, dismal sky. Sometimes you liken the rain to tears, wondering if Mother Nature weeps for all creatures or simply for you and your situation. Rare are the days in which the sun shines upon the craggy stone façade of your captor’s castle, and she is as benevolent as she is cruel.
For all of its sumptuous splendor, generational wealth filling the interior with priceless heirlooms and relics, it is an empty, cold structure. You’ve taken to enveloping yourself in thick furs, if only because these furs do not speak like the monster who so humbly offers his embrace. Though you’ve always considered yourself of strong, sturdy mind, your restraint is thinning. As the days pass and you shed clothing sizes like they’re second skins, you find yourself drawn to warmth.
Which is, ironically enough, contradictory to your current temperament. The windows, frigid like the grave, provide solace you cannot find anywhere else—for it is only tender warmth you receive from him. Had he not been so merciful, perhaps it would have been easier to shrink away and truly loathe him with every ounce of your being.
And yet, in order to escape the warmth which enshrouds, you seek the cold, bitter windows and their rain-weary countenance.
Lying beside you on the pillows, snoozing the afternoon away, a calico cat snores idly. She was a gift from him. You were neglectful of your mental health and thus, as per his guard’s suggestion, he sought to find a cat to cure your loneliness and inspire some form of happiness. You appreciate Silver—genuinely, you do—but the good luck a calico brings is not nearly enough to rescue you from captivity.
She was a stray, a scrawny thing with a limp and one bad eye. You took to her right away, scooping her up in your arms and lovingly naming her Cotton. Similarly, she returned your affections, rubbing her head against your palm and purring pleasantly.
Now she likes to nudge the dome that is your stomach, a great, round thing at only six months. Sometimes you think she’s more motherly than you are. You’ve never been able to care for much of anything. Plants wither under your touch, recipes spoil even when you follow them to the letter, and your electronics crack.
Your phone, more fractured than your very heart, is cold in your hands. The screen is blank; it’s dying. It was at 100% before. Now it’s been reduced to a sad 7%. There is no reception or connection to be had in Briar Valley. Your phone, once so powerful and all-knowing, is but a hollow shell. Useless. A digital photo album will expire at its final hour, and there’s no charger. He offered to use his magic to charge it, but he has never known his own strength and you couldn’t risk losing the treasured memories stored within.
Sometimes you’d return to old message logs and read through them. Now you can’t do that, lest you drain the battery quicker than intended.
“So this is where you’ve retreated,” Malleus notes, poking his head around the corner of a towering bookcase. Concern settles on his features. “Are you well? Sebek tells me you were absent for breakfast.” “I wasn’t hungry,” you mutter, watching his reflection through the stormy glass.
Malleus glances at Cotton and then at your phone as it rests in your clasp. “May I trouble you to eat just a little, if only some fruit?”
“I’m not hungry.” He nods, stalling. “Will you join me for lunch?”
“If I must.”
A small smile lifts his lips. “Are you cold? It can’t be very comfortable to sit there for such a long time. You’ll catch your death.”
“I hope.”
He tuts in disapproval and shrugs out of his cloak, draping it over you even though you’re already wearing a fleece robe. Malleus assesses you with a fleeting once-over.
“It doesn’t hurt to layer. You must understand where I’m coming from, dearest. Extreme temperatures serve to weaken those who are already so fragile.”
“I’m not fragile,” you snap, turning to scowl.
He doesn’t flinch at the heat smoldering in your eyes. “You’re human.”
“How many times did you have to practice that to come to terms with it?”
Malleus’s verdant stare narrows; his frown tightens. “It’s the truth.”
“I didn’t think you’d confront it.”
“I must if I’m to understand…” He exhales through his nose, deflating somewhat. “You’re in fine health. The physician tells me so. There’s no need to worry ourselves with ineffectual what-ifs.”
You turn your gaze on the sprawling forest next, unwilling to discuss the report and its subsequent conclusion: If she remains in good health and follows the recommended diet for an expecting mother, she’ll carry to term.
“My phone is dying, Malleus.”
“Is that not life? Lilia once said so.”
“My pictures… My everything is stored in this phone. It means so much to me.”
“Truly? Is there not a way to make physical copies of these photographs?”
“Unless Briar Valley has the technology to do so…”
“I’m afraid not.”
Malleus takes a daring step closer, endeavoring to comfort you. Cotton cracks her good eye open to peer at him. She hisses low in her throat, a protector standing small against something so tall. Pouting, clearly disheartened, Malleus heeds her warning and chooses to linger just within the bounds she deems acceptable.
“Yeah, that’s what I assumed.”
You heave a dejected sigh, your shoulders drooping. Seeking to cleanse your visual palate, you power the device on. 5% blinks back at you, an insignificant number sitting in a corner that you normally wouldn’t have paid much mind to. Now it weighs heavy, a reminder that the end is encroaching.
“I would’ve liked to keep these photos forever,” you whisper, mostly to yourself. Malleus hums his acknowledgement; you think he knows the feeling—or some variant of it, at least. “If I lose these pictures…”
“Do you not have memories?”
“I do, but it isn’t the same. One day I’ll grow old and my memory will be frail. I won’t remember nearly as much as I do now. Those memories will become ghosts and eventually I’ll—”
“You will not.” There’s a finality to the declaration—you won’t leave me; you won’t drain or die like this mobile device.
You rest your head against the window. The cool glass soothes your soul. I wonder what the others are up to right now… You place your hand upon your belly. I wonder if they’d have any good ideas for a name. I’m terrible at naming things. I can never pick something that feels right.
“I’d like to have a funeral for my phone.”
But maybe there is no right thing.
“Of course,” he agrees, perfectly serious. You will have that phone funeral, just as you will have every other request you make—however patently absurd it may seem. (Every other request except for freedom, of course.) “Materials may not have the same worth as a loved one, but the experiences they provide are just as valuable. Surely, no? Otherwise I would not feel so troubled when Roaring Drago…” Pausing to search for the placeholder, Malleus glances at your phone. “Perhaps there is no greater tragedy than existence itself.”
“It’s the most bittersweet burden,” you echo, scrolling through each picture with wistful remembrance. “But then I’d rather know the fleeting frivolity of life than endure hundreds of years of solitude. It makes me appreciate everything that much more.”
You stop at a picture of you and Malleus, a photo snapped by Lilia himself. Part of you often wonders why he chose you—why he adores you to such a degree when you, like everyone else, will inevitably perish. But therein lies the allure: That which is unobtainable is even more tempting. And because there is only one of you, a human destined to one day return to her home world, your very presence is more fleeting than a dream.
To Malleus, who has always dreamt, fond and fervent, of the unobtainable mundanity of normal life, you are a sweet, tangible blessing.
“Horns, do you think I’ll ever get another chance to have my phone at 100%?”
He softens under the nickname. It means more to him than his lofty station. “Would you like to know that joy?”
“It would be nice, yes, but then I’d just get sad when it reaches zero. I guess I should be grateful it’s stayed alive for this long. Sorry, it’s a stupid question. Just forget it.”
“Nonsense. There is no such thing.” He reaches to touch your cheek, but Cotton hisses again and so he refrains. She stands on unsteady legs and climbs into your lap, perching awkwardly in spite of your rounded belly. The sight draws a deep chuckle from him. “Your feline friend is quite taken with you.”
“It’s probably because I’m warm. She likes my belly a lot.”
“As do I.”
You roll your eyes.
“Your beauty is most beguiling. There’s a certain radiance to your person. It’s very charming. Do you not agree?”
“Flattery will get you nowhere—definitely not in Cotton’s good graces.”
“I’m simply voicing a fact.”
Your hand slides down from your stomach to pat Cotton. She purrs under your touch, and a weak approximation of a smile tugs at your lips. Amidst all of this sorrow, she is a glimmer of hope. In a way, she’s like you—a stray without a place in this world, snatched from the cobbles she once wandered and confined in a cage of royal opulence. Your similarities are striking, if not immensely devastating.
“Fact or not, I don’t care if I look pretty. It means nothing to me.”
“To be impartial towards appearances… Quite a noble mindset.”
I never once thought you were scary or strange, Horns. Even now.
You look at your phone once more. 3% flickers back.
You’re just lost, and in being lost you found me. But I was also lost. I never even belonged in this world to begin with…
“I’m not going to be a good mother.”
“You can’t know that.” 
“I can’t even take care of myself.”
“I shall care for you when you find yourself unable to.”
“I’d rather you not.”
With Cotton having curled on your lap, slumbering peacefully, Malleus chances to close the gap. His broad frame leans to make up for the difference in height, and he runs cold fingers along your cheek. He brushes away the tears you weren’t even aware you were shedding.
You grip your phone in shaky hands, your shoulders hunched. There’s a piercing ache in your chest, pain stabbing all the way through to your heart. It persists when you power it off, unable to delight in pictorial reminiscence for a moment longer. Silent like death, you sob; seismic dismay shudders through you in waves. Distantly, in a forgotten corner of your brain, you suspect this may be the last time you’ll ever use your phone. The last time you’ll ever look upon the photos you’ve amassed. Photos of friends, class notes, food. Photos snapped by mistake, blurry and unfocused. Photos taken when Ace and Grim stole your phone. Precious memories are preserved within the permanence of a photo album—an album that only remains everlasting so long as you keep your phone charged.
Your final shred of the world beyond Briar Valley vanishes in a blip, leaving you with the dark void that is an empty screen. Brutal is the agony, contorting your face, and you bawl like you’ve just witnessed the end of a life.
In a way, you have. You held it in the palm of your hands, and you watched it wither. Watched the percentages drop through numbers, double digits easing into singles. Watched every week and tried to spare your beloved phone of its fate. Watched and attempted to stall the impossible—a foolish undertaking. This was inevitable; you knew this, and yet you’re still mourning.
Perhaps that is the most tragic facet of existence. From the moment one is born, they are mourning. Humans mourn losing time—of allowing it to slip through their fingers when they should have put it to better use. Humans mourn aging even though it is celebrated yearly. Humans mourn for things that are inhuman—for robots stuck in an endless cycle of some menial task while gears grow rusted and systems shut down or trapped on a distant planet, never to return home. For the fruit that falls from trees and rots, trampled and forgotten. For the endings, good and bad, of novels. For art that will never see the light of day because it has been destroyed or stolen or silenced. For the friends they meet, have met, and will meet.
You mourn because you know it’s impending, and you spend all of your life coming to terms with it, only to break down when it finally happens because the truth of the matter is that you will never be prepared no matter how much you prepare yourself. You mourn because you’re a complex human with complex emotions, surviving in a complex world with millions of intricacies, and the only way to weather misery is to mourn.
To the little life cradled in your womb, who knows not of these difficulties yet, they cannot fathom the anguish that accompanies loss. And right now that is all you can hope for—a life without loss.
But that is impossible because loss is true to everyone’s experience. It is part of existence, and existence is inescapable.
Malleus does not gather you in his arms. He will do so if you ask, and he knows you want to ask, which is precisely why he waits. But you’re stubborn and you refuse to give in to the temptation, let alone grant him the satisfaction. It doesn’t offend him.
The windowpane is spattered with rain. So, too, is your phone, spotted with tears and snot.
Briefly, you wonder if you still look beautiful to Malleus.
Even at your ugliest, he would still cherish you. Desperately, as if he might lose you.
Knowing this does not soften the gutting grief.
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hypewinter · 7 months
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Dick stared out at the snowy landscape past the window before turning back to his new baby brother. Danny was sitting in his high chair, happily munching away at some Cheerios. Looking at him now Dick thought back to how he had come to Wayne Manor just a few months prior.
Bruce had stormed into the Manor after coming back from a Justice League mission with a bundle in his hands. Dick who had stopped by the manor to steal food catch up with Alfred had been thoroughly thrown off by his father's open animosity. He could hardly recall the last time he'd seen Bruce this outwardly furious. The man's glare alone could rival Darkseid's omega beams. As Bruce sat down at the table, the two men finally got a good look at just what he was carrying. It was an infant. An infant who was fast asleep, his soft black hair falling over his eyes. Bruce quietly asked Alfred to prepare a room as well as all necessities needed for a baby. The old butler had immediately set off to just that.
Meanwhile Dick was quick to ask what had happened but Bruce didn't say. Even when the others gradually found what was happening and asked their own questions, he still refused to answer. Not even Alfred had been told where the baby had come from. The only information Bruce had offered up was that the baby's name was Danny and he would be staying at the Manor from now on. As for the rest of the details, he claimed he would tell them in due time. But Batman's "due time" was often too late to actually do anything about it so desperate for answers, the family had turned to their own investigations only to come up with nothing.
All files related to Danny were locked behind a mountain of firewalls and Oracle had apparently already been sworn to secrecy by the big man himself. Whatever it was, Bruce wanted absolutely zero interference, so for now, the family was forced to sit in their hands.
That led till now, 5 months later. It was mid-January and Dick was on babysitting duty. Everyone else was either out running errands or on a mission. Not that Dick minded though. Danny was incredibly cute and he loved taking care of him. Besides, it gave him the perfect opportunity to get Danny to see him as the favorite brother. Still, Dick couldn't help but feel couped up today. Maybe it was because it had been snowing the last few days leaving both boys alone in the giant manor all day long.
Dick stared wistfully out the window once again before an idea dawned on him. He turned back to Danny who had stuffed the last of the Cheerios into his mouth along with his entire hand.
"Hey Danny. Wanna have a snow day?" he asked cheerily. The boy cocked his head at Dick, hand still in mouth. Dick smiled wider. "I'll take that as a yes!"
Dick hoisted Danny out of his high chair and carried him upstairs to his room. After he set Danny down in his crib, he grabbed all the gear he needed. He picked out a long sleeve shirt with a cartoon star and big bold letters reading "You're a Star!" He also grabbed long socks, some elastic pants as well as jeans, a scarf, a blue beanie, and a pair of cute little mittens.
It didn't take long for Danny to be fully dressed for the outside elements. Though after Dick finished putting his shoes on, he squirmed a little and made a face.
"I know I know," Dick cooed. "But I'm pretty sure B. would make an exception to his 'no killing rule' if you got sick on my watch."
Dick admired his handy work for a minute (taking dozens of pictures as he did so) before picking his brother up and heading downstairs. After a quick pitstop at the door to grab his own jacket and gloves from the coat rack, he opened the door and greeted the chilly air outside.
Danny giggled as he reached up at the snow while Dick circled around to the side of the manor.
"Bitey! Bitey!" he squealed.
"Yep, Bitey," Dick replied with mild confusion.
Danny would say random things like that sometimes, forcing the world's greatest detectives to put their minds together in order to figure out what he was talking about. One time he just wouldn't stop saying "Em". It took everyone a whole day to realize he was referring to music. And an extra two days to figure out he was specifically referring to pop music.
Oftentimes he would call Barbara "Jazzy" and Duke "Tuck". On occasion he would even call Cass "Sammy". Every time he called something a new name, it was a race to figure out what he meant. Each time they figured out a new word, Bruce's face would darken and he'd disappear off to the Watchtower for the day. Something that was really starting to drag on Dick's nerves. It was like it was physically impossible for that man to share information.
Dick was startled out of his thoughts by a tug at his jacket and looked down to see Danny staring at him.
"Sorry sorry," he said with a smile. "Lost in my thoughts. Forgive me?"
Danny put on a pout but Dick knew by now that it was fake. One could tell by the mischievous look in the boy's eyes that he just couldn't hide. "So be it then!" Dick declared before pulling Danny close and snuggling into him. The boy shrieked as cold nose touched warm neck. "Fo-give! Fo-give!" he cried.
"Aw thanks," Dick said as he pulled away. Danny giggled again, his bright blue eyes crinkling with laughter.
The pair walked around in the snow for a bit longer before Danny started making grabby hands towards the ground. "You want down?" Dick asked. Danny nodded energetically.
"Alright."
Dick carefully set Danny down in the snow. The boy excitedly wriggled before putting his hands down to the snow. As Dick watched, there was a burst of light and suddenly there was a semi circle of ice, radiating out from their position. Dick stared at the ice in shock. Danny turned and blinked up at Dick, almost as if he were in shock too. But he very quickly went back to playing in the snow. Dick swallowed. Sure they all knew Danny had powers. It was pretty obvious when the third day there, he floated up to the ceiling. Still though, he highly doubted ice powers was up there on anyone's list of "abilities our new baby brother might manifest next."
Dick was so shocked all he could manage to utter was, "Huh. That's new."
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letmeinimafairy · 4 months
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The making of painted stones
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Well, a few times I was asked to show the process of miniature paintings on stones, and here is my first attempt to capture and explain it. Warning - I only have my phone's camera at my disposal, so the quality is not very good.
Firstly - an idea for the image. Every stone has something in its pattern that can be a starting point for developing an imagery. The stone I picked for this one is a beautiful Picasso jasper, and in this case I was looking for a stone for a specific idea I've already had in mind. Spontaneous improvisation dictated by the stone's pattern is also great but I decided to pick something more definitive for better illustrating the process.
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This jasper's pattern already has outlines that can be developed into a landscape without painting it over too much. I don't like it when stones are just mindlessly covered by slapping a random image on it, ignoring the colours, textures and patterns.
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Here's the idea - ruins of an amphitheatre overgrown with red gladioluses. I know, I know, but I'm very interested in the initial mystical sacrificial background of gladiators. So here it is, arena covered in red, swords in the sand, but it's finally quiet.
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Before we start, a stone must be varnished - minerals are porous, and lacquer smoothes its surface. I paint with tempera - most artists who work in lacquer miniatures use oils, but tempera allows quicker process, which is important for me. I'm autistic and my executive dysfunction makes working with oils difficult - my sudden bursts of activity won't match with drying timings and such. So, tempera for me.
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Starting with sketching the outlines of the ruins and painting our light source, the sun and red clouds. I'm trying to work with a palette that the stone already has and make the painting as harmonious as possible.
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Erasing auxiliary lines as we continue.
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Done with the first layer - the walls and the sky. After the paint dries, I apply varnish (I use Novol clearcoat, car varnish - it's very durable). There can be as many layers as you need.
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Now - the flowers and details.
After the painting is finished, it'll need several layers of varnish. And some fine sandpaper (1500) in-between the finishing layers for better grip.
And here it is! time to think abou a necklace for this one.
I'm not sure how useful I can be and what aspects you would like to know, so feel free to ask. I'm not sure I can make a good enough video with my current phone, so this'll have to wait. I tried to skip all the musings about ideas and finding stories, but whatever. And the time needed for work - I don't know. There was a month-long pause in the making of this one, due to a couple of emergencies that knocked me down for some time, and it's not easy for me in general due to my mental state - sometimes I can make a painting in two days, sometimes it takes years, nothing is certain with me, especially now. But well, here's what I do.
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givemequeen · 6 days
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the artist; spencer reid x reader
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request: Hello! It’s me again. :) I have a concept but I’m unsure about a plot, if that’s okay. Could you maybe write a Spencer x Fem!Quiet reader who likes to draw? And Spencer always sees her doodling on her papers while she’s bored like flowers and eyes and stuff? And sometimes she draws the team while they’re working but one day Spencer sees her drawing him and he confronts her very politely and she’s all flustered and blushing? I don’t know if it’s something you’re comfortable with, I just like to draw and if I worked with the FBI that would definitely be something I would do if I was bored. 😄🫶🏻 Thanks a ton!!! I love your writing.
a/n: i love spencer sm. i rly hope this is what you were looking for! thanks for the request :)
It had all started with some fun doodling; a couple of fun little drawings here and there when things were slow or during long flights. It hadn't been anything serious. Then, you attempted drawing landscapes; mountains, buildings, anything. Not just silly doodles.
Drawing helped you pass time, you enjoyed it and, if you said so yourself, you were quite good at it. Drawing people had always scared you, you weren't sure if you could get it right so you started with strangers, people on the bus or tram, in long queues, at cafes.
On one particularly long flight to Seattle you had drawn Hotch. His hard stare and furrowed brows as he read over a case made him easy to draw. Then it was Garcia, her bright smile brought you comfort. Then Rossi and JJ and Morgan.
And finally, Spencer, the cutest member. You could definitely see why Morgan called him pretty boy. His soft lips and hair beautifully juxtaposed his sharp jawline and slim fingers.
He was you're favourite to draw. You had around half a dozen drawings of the team by now; some individual, some in groups. But, your best drawings where those you had done on Spencer.
"Wow. You're really good." Spencer voice made you jump, nearly spilling your coffee over your drawing.
He had just gone to the jet's bathroom - you had been careful to hide your work as he passed by you.
"Spence!" you yelped, moving to clean up. "You scared me." you pressed your sketchpad against your chest, hiding your drawing from sight.
"May I see?" he leaned over and stretched out his hand - that gorgeous, slender hand of his. The one you had a couple drawing dedicated to in the very sketchpad he was reaching towards.
"No!" you said, a little too quickly. "I- erm-"
"Oh, that's okay, sorry for asking." he straightened up. "I just... well I thought that was a really good drawing. You made me look quite nice." his voice was soft, no one else could hear you.
Apart from the looks from that initial scream, no one was paying any attention to you two, everyone too immersed in their own thing to pay attention. You looked around, confirming no one was watching, and moved over in your seat.
"Sit." you said, patting the space beside you.
Spencer sat down, his thigh warm against yours, and smiled at you.
"Here." you offered him your sketchpad and hid your face in your hands, too ashamed to watch his reaction.
He opened the first page and oohed. You peaked between your fingers, wondering what he was looking at. It was your very first doodles. He pointed out some and smiled; his revolver, his favourite book, Morgan's headphones, Garcia's pens.
"I really like these." he said.
"Thanks." you mumbled.
He turned the pages, his fingers feeling the bumps and ridges of the drawing. He was particularly fond of the one you did of Vegas' skyline.
"That's amazing." he said, more to himself than to you.
You pulled away one of your hands and leaned over to him. His scent was overpowering in the best way possible; coffee, old books, and that new cologne he had been trying out.
He finally got to the one you made of Hotch. Spencer laughed out loud, looking up to his boss and laughing even more.
"Identical! Same expression." he whispered in between laughs.
"Thank you." you said, a smile appearing on your face.
"Oh and Garcia..." he laughed. "The same smile..."
He passed the pages - the first drawing you had done of Morgan made him laugh again. It had been of him flirting with Garcia; you had nailed his wicked grin.
Finally, he flipped the paged onto his section of the book. The first one you had done of him he had been reading a book, his fingers pressed against the pages and he read page after page.
"Oh wow." he whispered. "That's... it's amazing. You're such an artist. How did you manage it?" he turned to look at you.
"Oh, well, I dunno." you bit the inside of your cheek. He wasn't mad you had drawn him without permission or something? "You like it?" you asked.
"Of course! They're amazing." he reached out to squeeze your hand. "You're amazing. I'm really impressed."
You stared at your joined hands and your heart skipped a beat. "Thanks." you stuttured.
Spencer let go of your hand and went back to passing the pages. The next drawing, he had been fast asleep, an open book resting against his chest. He laughed at that one too, making some comment about how ridiculous he looked.
"Well, I thought you looked cute." you whispered, scared he might actually hear you.
"Yeah?" he said, looking over at you.
"Yeah." you said.
Spencer was blushing. He quickly looked away and flitted through the rest of the pages. He was especially impressed by the one of his hands ("wow, I had no idea they looked so..." "beautiful?" "creepy").
He closed the book gently and handed it over to you.
"I'd love to get a copy of some of those, if you don't mind." he was so close to you, you were afraid he could hear your heartbeat.
"Yes- no- I mean, I don't mind. I'll send you the original." you were having trouble trying not to stare at his lips for too long.
"You'd do that?" Spencer asked.
"Of course, since you were such a good subject." you laughed and stared into his soft eyes.
"I'd love to be an actual subject for you one day, since you're so good at it." he moved to stand up and you nearly whined as his warmth left you. "If you ever need a subject, let me know." he flashed you that sweet smile of his and made his way back to his seat.
You couldn't believe what had just happened. It took everything in you not to squeal and dance around like a teenage girl. You pressed your sketchpad against your chest and buried yourself deep into your seat, already thinking of all the poses you could get Spencer into.
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cammys-imagines24 · 5 months
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°•Taking Care of Injured Mizu•°
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It's not that Mizu is an unruly patient but rather, it's just that she's had to go it alone for so long.
So, to have someone care for her and nurse her back to health, hell, to have someone actually care whether she lives or dies, is such a foreign concept to her that she might never get used to it.
Of course she'll drink the medicine you brew for her, though she'll scrunch up her nose cutely at its bitter taste and of course she'll let you stitch her up.
If only because it's far more practical to have someone else sew up gaping wounds than when she does it herself. Your stitches are far neater than hers.
And, though Mizu will never in a million years admit it outloud, you stitching her up turns her on. Just a bit. Okay, a lot.
Your tender hold on her shoulder or hipbone to keep her steady, your look of careful concentration as you pull the thread through, say, a stab wound on her abdomen...
Sometimes you even gnaw on your bottom lip and furrow your brows as you practically straddle her to get as close as possible.
She'll find herself sucking in a breath and not from the pain. She'll find herself blushing a bit if you say the words "hold still," when she winces away.
If you'd let Mizu, she'd gladly pin you down to the ground and have her way with you. The fact that she's covered in blood be damned.
But, she knows better. You'd protest. You'd say she's too hurt for sex and though she'd vehemently disagree with you, she begrudingly accepts just being quietly turned on with you nonethewiser.
Good luck getting the stubborn Samurai to stay in bed though. She's unaware of the concept of bedrest.
She's always had to push through her pain and suffer in silence. Always moving forward, fighting through the ruined landscape of her body, battle after battle.
To have you gently push her back down onto the bed and force her to sleep, is odd.
It tingles a part of her heart as she's not used to being nursed back to health by someone who loves her.
It makes her feel all warm inside when you run a damp cloth over her forehead to cool her fever or when you knead out the knots in her tense back with your hands.
Being taken care of... it almost brings a tear to Mizu's eye when she sees you act as her protector for a change.
Staying awake at her bedside, keeping watch for would be enemies, attending to her and fetching anything you think might make her more comfortable.
She will get right back to training before she probably should, you've learned to accept it, albeit unwillingly.
You'll just be ready with your needle and thread for the inevitability that she opens her stitches back up doing something strenuous.
Often what gets Mizu to stay in bed longer is if you promise cuddles.
To her, there is no better remedy than you being in her arms. No better medicine.
Just the feel of you safe and sound in her embrace, your face pressed against her chest, a stray lock of your hair tickling the nape of her neck, the slow rise and fall of your body as you breathe...
There is no better balm and Mizu feels more grateful to you than you'll ever know.
Your love heals her beyond the limits of her body. You've healed her heart.
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another-lost-mc · 9 months
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dream eater
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belphegor x gn!reader | 0.6k | nsfw | non-con
c/w: somnophilia, slut-shaming, invasion of privacy, non-consensual use of mind altering magic.
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Belphie hates it when you have nightmares, but he hates it when you have good dreams, too. Maybe it'd be different if you dreamt of him like this, but no, he would never be so lucky.
Tonight he stumbles into your dream by accident. It happens sometimes when you nap together in his bed. The mental defenses between you weaken under the weight of his arms wrapped around you and his forehead pressed against your chest when he snores. Now he's stuck in this dream world no-man's-land, a hellish landscape of his own making, and he watches some faceless demon fuck your brains out. It looks like he's got you bent over one of the cafeteria tables at RAD and your uniform is tugged down and out of the way enough for him to move his hand, and then his cock, between your legs.
Dreams turn you into a real cock tease, don't they? You hide your desires with shy smiles and bashful gestures when you're awake, but Belphie knows what you crave when you dream. He's been your friend all this time, why won't you ask him to fuck you already? You shouldn't go on disappointing dates with your classmates that don't know you as well as he does, and you don't have to ponder visiting one of his idiot brothers' beds either.
Belphie forces himself to consciousness and glances at your sleepy face. Your cheek is squished against the pillow and your lips are cute and pouty. You look so innocent and peaceful, no one would think you're dreaming of being used like some random demon's living fleshlight. He fumbles in the dark and manages to snake his hand between your bodies without waking you. Your sleep shorts are damp and your body twitches when he runs his fingers along your arousal. He sucks in a breath between his teeth when he feels how hot and wet you are.
Yeah, you're not that innocent, are you?
His hand lingers between your thighs for a moment and teases your sensitive skin a bit more before he reluctantly pulls away. He sucks his slick fingertips into his mouth and hums quietly while he considers his options. He's hard now too, but fucking you like this would be too easy. When he finally has you—and that'll be real soon, if he has anything to say about it—he wants you wide-awake and trembling beneath him so he can hear your pretty little noises when you come on his cock.
For now, he decides that you've had enough fun for one night. It's only a bit of harmless little magic—it won't hurt you a bit. Your dream suddenly vanishes into nothing, your mind going blank as he wipes the filthy images away so no trace of them lingers. He might not touch you anymore tonight, but perhaps he'll give you a little taste of himself instead. You won't even miss the dream he consumed like a hungry, angry void. When you wake up wet and aching in your little shorts, you'll blame it on the dream he gave you instead: beads of sweat trailing down his naked back as he smothers your body with his own, and the slick sounds of skin-on-skin, as he fucks you in the attic.
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acourtofwhatthefuck · 1 month
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Bluebird — Azriel x Reader — Part VIII
Hey! Sorry for the wait on this one, it’s a big one and took me longer than I anticipated! I haven’t had the chance to properly proofread so sorry for any mistakes! Hope you enjoy all the same 💕
Summary: Forced to go on the road with her father, Reader gets a rude awakening that starts to play on her mind. But Azriel’s not willing to let go so easily.
Click here to be added to the Bluebird taglist! Please remember to check your settings and make sure you can be tagged! 💕
Word count: 8.7k
Warnings: Pretty gruesome descriptions of violence and injury. Masturbation. Nsfw, 18+, minors dni!
✧: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚
The curtains were drawn.
To superior fae sight, nothing lay behind them besides darkness. Not even the flickering of a candle.
Azriel waited. And waited, and waited. His eyes did not once stray from the window, and hope burned fierce in him that those curtains would suddenly part, that a beautiful human face would appear that made his heart race and his skin feel too taut on his bones.
The fabric didn’t even twitch.
He knew, after a couple of hours, that he would not be seeing his Bluebird tonight. He tried not to feel too disappointed as he flew back towards the wall, the comfort of the fae realm. Such was the nature of their…relationship. It was clandestine and risky, and sometimes things would come up. Sometimes, one or both of them would be unavailable.
But as he stripped off his leathers and fell into his huge bed, he couldn’t tear his thoughts from her. Thoughts of where she was, what she was doing, what had rendered her unavailable to meet — whether she was safe.
Too many thoughts like that would do him no good. Would only worsen this…this alien sensation, of needing her with him all the time. Needing to have her in sight. Needing to have her at all.
He could only pray to the Mother that the next week pedalled on fast.
That he’d see his Bluebird soon.
✧: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚
It had been the most uncomfortable day of your life.
A monotonous day on horseback, one landscape blurring into another. The village you were travelling to seemed like worlds away — and the journey was only made worse by the sticky summer heat, and the fact that you rode with Devin, slotted between the tight press of his muscled thighs.
Still, you were unflinching in your resolve that while you may not have been able to wriggle out of sharing a horse with him, you weren’t going to talk to him, no matter how much he tried to ply you with conversation.
It was his fault you had to come on this trip in the first damn place.
You tried your hardest to while away the time by sinking into your thoughts. It seemed that with each hour that passed, those thoughts became more vibrant, more longing. Thoughts of you, Azriel, a wildflower meadow. The ability to just…be in each other’s arms.
The ability to kiss him. Touch him.
Those thoughts didn’t help at all. It was an effort to keep them at bay, lest you make the ride even more uncomfortable.
But eventually — thankfully — you and your father’s group had arrived in the target village, just as the sun had been setting. News of your father’s cause had spread wide enough that it seemed his presence was expected. And very much welcomed.
You’d been ushered into the village tavern and supplied with more food and drinks than any of you needed. The feast kept you occupied while your father was absent awhile, apparently visiting a few villagers he was familiar with. And when he’d returned, it was there, that evening, nestled at the very back of the old, crumbling building, that you’d watched your his passionate presentation.
You’d heard the words spoken numerous times, of course. To his friends, and to anyone at the Bluebird Inn who would listen. But this was more than just a speech. This was an entire damn performance.
And it surprised you, how uncomfortable it made you to watch.
For all your father was quiet, brooding, sometimes soft-spoken, he commanded the tavern with a voice louder than you’d ever heard come out of him. His cheeks had grown ruddier as his own words riled him up. Spittle accompanied the angered, venomous words that left his mouth.
And it was all you could do to watch, your dinner feeling leaden in your stomach as you listened to the words — listened to him reel off a list of people he, personally, had met, who had suffered at the hands of the fae. As he told the story of your mother’s brutal death, and the details formed a lump in your throat, never lessening in impact. As he presented his ideas, his plans, in a way that was so refined, so expert, that it almost had you considering that they were the best course of action.
But you knew Azriel. You knew Azriel. These faeries that your father raged about were not his brethren. Azriel himself would abhor their actions.
You repeated that to yourself in your head, like a chant. Azriel was not like them. Azriel was good. Azriel cared for you.
Two whole hours, you had to sit there and listen to your father talk about frightening creatures who stole babies from their bassinets, who brutalised young girls, who tore families apart. Two whole hours, and your muscles were stiff and aching. Your head throbbing. Your body and mind desperate for the oblivion of sleep. A respite away from the pang in your gut.
Azriel was not like them. Azriel was good. Azriel cared for you.
The sight of your father and his men traipsing around the room with rolls of parchment and gathering signatures was a relief — only because you knew this would soon be over.
You sighed softly to yourself, slumping back in your chair and absentmindedly rubbing a hand over your stomach. As though it would somehow ease the complicated feelings that twisted it so violently.
“Impactful.” The chair beside you was pulled out, and Devin lowered himself into it. “Don’t you think?”
You gave the slightest dip of your chin. Couldn’t deny that your father had a way with words.
Devin pursed his lips, his eyes skating over you. “We have a long ride home, Y/N. Are you going to ignore me the whole way back, too?”
“Yes,” you hissed. “Because you had no right to talk to my father on my behalf.”
He folded his arms, appearing unflinching and unbothered by what he’d done. You may have thought he was in the wrong, but he certainly didn’t.
“I did so out of concern for you,” he replied. “Because what you said about the fae was wrong. None of them are good. The sooner you see that, the better.”
You bit inside of your cheek, simply to prevent yourself from arguing. But gods, you wanted to contest the statement. You wished you could tell him that you had cold, hard, beautiful evidence that he was wrong.
But doing so would only make things worse for you.
So you merely folded your own arms, and focused your gaze on the men weaving in and out of tables, gathering signatures, clapping supporters on the back and parting with well wishes. You stared and stared until the sight of them blurred.
And then Devin said, “You haven’t been yourself recently.”
You whipped your head around to look at him — gape at him. “You don’t know me well enough to say that.”
“I know you were acting shifty as fuck the night I came to check on you during the Summer Festival. You couldn’t get rid of me quick enough. I’d be forgiven for thinking you had someone there with you.”
“Who would I possibly have at my house?” you narrowed your eyes. “I’m not allowed to make friends, to form connections.”
His gaze softened. “I’m your friend.”
It wasn’t that long ago that you’d fantasised about him being more than that. He’d seemed so incredible, so gallant — a young man who could sweep you off your feet, and protect you while he guarded an entire village. You’d wondered if there was ever any likelihood of him being drawn to you, instead of one of the many other beautiful girls within proximity. You’d wanted to impress him.
Now, you just wanted him out of your fucking sight before you said something that would land you in more shit.
“You—”
The tavern’s front door flung open, hard enough to slam against the wall, abruptly severing your sentence.
All fell still and silent as every face looked up to take in the man who entered. Hair ripped from the knot at the back of his neck, and he was drenched in sweat, clothes rumpled and—
And saturated with blood.
There was a beat, and then everyone who crowded the small space appeared to collectively clock what they were seeing. A wave of gasps rippled through the room like a breeze.
“I—” the man’s eyes immediately landed on your father, as though it were him he searched for. “I tried to do something, but I was too late. I couldn’t—”
“What has happened?” Your father strode forward.
“I was too late,” he repeated. “I…I think you need to see this.”
Just like that, every member of your group was readying themselves to leave — to throw themselves straight into the unknown. Devin, too, rose.
But your father was wrenching round to face them, shaking his head. “I’ll take only a couple of you with me. The rest of you should stay here until I send word,” he angled himself towards your table. “Devin, Y/N — you’ll join me.”
“Me?” Your eyes widened. Granted, you didn’t know what, exactly, you’d be facing, but one look at the blood-drenched man at the entrance told you it was bad. You didn’t know nearly enough about fighting, or defending, or healing—
“Yes.” Your father’s tone brooked no room for argument. “You.”
There was no chance to protest as you were yanked out of your seat by Devin and pulled along with him while your father headed out of the door. Your heart raced in your chest as Devin helped you up onto his horse, and you were lurched into action.
All you could think was that you wished — so badly wished — to be back in the safety of the Bluebird Inn. And Azriel’s arms.
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You didn’t travel far. A few dirty, dusty roads brought you straight to a house that was mostly unassuming, no different to the houses in your village.
But the similarities stopped at the first scream that ripped through the night and had you violently flinching, had the horses panicking.
Devin dismounted with ease and promptly lifted you off, setting you on your feet at the exact same moment another scream sounded, thinning out into a strangled sob.
“Come.” Your father beckoned to you as Devin made quick work of tying the horses up.
But you couldn’t get your feet to move. You stayed firmly rooted to the spot as you shook your head. “I can’t go in there.”
“You can and you will,” he beckoned again. “Don’t let me down.”
With him in front of you and Devin now at your back, you felt you had no choice but to follow. The man that had burst into the tavern held the front door open, increasing the volume of what now seemed to be wailing sobs.
“I’ve heard of your cause,” he said quietly as your father stepped in first. “Which is why I think you should see this. So you can report back firsthand to the Queens.”
The entryway was just light enough to catch the incline of your father’s head. He said nothing as you were led through—
You stopped dead in the doorway of what seemed to be a dining room. So abruptly that Devin’s front collided with your back.
“Her name is — was — Dahlia.” The man inched towards the table, balling his fists at his sides. “She was only fourteen years old.”
“What happened?” Those two little words came from you — and you didn’t even realise it.
Because lying motionless on the table was the body of a young girl — from what you could make out beneath the injuries that covered her skin, anyway.
Her pallor was such a deathly white that you knew she was long gone. Her clothes were dirty, ripped…by what looked like claws. Chunks of flesh had been gouged out, her throat cut—
Your ears were ringing too loudly for you to think. But as your heart beat at a gallop, another cry rent the air, stealing your attention to the corner of the room.
“This is Marin,” the man breathed, moving closer to the woman who sat curled up and distraught in the corner. “Dahlia’s mother. She saw the attack with her own eyes.”
“Oh, gods,” you whispered. Devin’s hand landed on your shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze.
Your father took slow, careful footsteps towards the grieving mother. And the softness with which he knelt before her, laying a tentative hand atop of hers…it had your eyes stinging.
“My name is Marschal,” he introduced himself quietly. “I’m so sorry for what those monsters have taken from you. Your beautiful daughter is safe in the Beyond now. The fae can hurt her no more.”
Another soft cry shuddered out of Marin. But she nodded her head and answered, her voice watery, “I know who you are. What…what you do.”
“Then you’ll know why I’ve been brought here. What happened…it’s something I believe our queens should know about,” he paused. “If you’re able, I’d like to know exactly what it was you witnessed. As much as you can manage, of course.”
The request almost made you flinch. It seemed callous, somehow, when her child’s body was still right there on the table and hadn’t yet been sent back to the earth. But after a beat of Marin staring at your father through her tear-filled eyes, she offered the slightest dip of her chin.
“I…” Her voice wobbled. “I’ll try.”
“Devin,” your father murmured over his shoulder. “Fetch her a drink to steady her nerves.”
You were jostled ever so slightly forward as Devin slipped past you — too close to Dahlia’s poor, broken body than you could handle. You turned away, your feet numbly carrying you to Marin’s side. You took her hand into your own, and she didn’t object to the comfort.
In fact, her voice was a little steadier as she said, “It was just me and my Dahlia.” She inhaled slowly through her nose, steeling herself. Her eyes fluttered shut for the briefest second before they opened again. “We were returning home from visiting my sister in another village. It was such a nice night that we decided not to spend coin on transport. The walk was a bit lengthy, but we’d made it before. We knew which way to go.”
The story was momentarily interrupted by Devin re-entering the room and handing a glass of amber liquid to Marin. Her free hand trembled as she took it and lifted it to her lips. Beads of dark liquid coloured her pale lips as she swallowed it down and continued.
“Only, Dahlia insisted on cutting through a forest to look at some plants,” she whispered. “She’s into botany, you see — she was into botany.” A fresh wave of shuddering sobs threatened to overpower her, but somehow, she found the strength to tamp down on them. “So we went into the forest, but Dahlia, she…she had a habit of wandering off, and I got separated from her. It wasn’t for long. But when I found her again, she was with a man.”
Your father repeatedly softly, “A man?”
“I knew at once that it was a faerie. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. And Dahlia thought so, too. He was talking to her, and she had this glazed look in her eyes like she was somewhere else. He offered her his hand, and she took it. I knew in my bones that he was going to take her away from me, so I stepped forward, announced myself. I told Dahlia to come, that we were going home. The man answered for her in a voice like music.”
“What did he say?” you rasped.
“He said — he said that Dahlia would make a pretty wife for a faerie. That faerie men liked human brides. He said that she was coming back with him, across the wall. He asked her if she wanted to do that, and she said yes. I think he had her under some sort of spell. I could tell that it wasn’t my Dahlia talking. And I panicked. I stepped forward to grab her out of his arms, and he attacked. Immediately. It was all so quick, I couldn’t register what he was doing. But then he was disappearing before my eyes, and Dahlia was crumpling to the floor, and I knew…I could see she was gone.”
A keening, horrendous wail left her, and she was curling herself up so tightly — like she was trying to hold herself together. It was all you could do to grip onto her hand as she rocked back and forth and cried over and over and over, my Dahlia, my Dahlia, my Dahlia.
You waited for your father to say something else — to come up with an answer as to what might ease her suffering, if anything at all could.
But it was Devin who lowered himself to one knee before her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, his face gentle, open.
“Madam, the last thing I wish to do is cause you any more distress at such an awful time.” He spoke in the calm, sure way that all village guards did. “But I am a guard of the village from which my companions and I hail. Our girls have been suffering attacks at the hands of the fae, also. If, perhaps, you could describe the faerie you saw…who hurt your child…”
“He was beautiful, as I said,” Marin snivelled. “So beautiful, it almost hurt to look at him. Dark hair and golden-brown skin. Eyes that seemed to glow. That beauty made him easy for Dahlia to trust. He seemed kind. His voice was just as stunning as he was.”
“Their beauty,” your father supplied sympathetically, “is a calculated part of their thrall. Do not blame yourself nor your daughter for being allured by it. The fae know what they are doing.”
You did not hear whether the reassurance brought Marin any comfort. You didn’t catch what Devin then said to her, despite you looking right at him, watching his lips move.
Your mind was roaring, ears screaming. You felt…panic.
Their beauty is a calculated part of their thrall.
The fae know what they are doing.
So beautiful, it almost hurt to look at him.
Dark hair and golden-brown skin. Eyes that seemed to glow. He seemed kind. His voice was just as stunning as he was.
Faerie men like human brides.
You felt like you were going to be sick.
Was it so easy to be lured by the mere beauty of the fae?
Was that what Azriel had done to you?
Dahlia’s attacker had seemed nice to her…just as Azriel seemed nice to you.
And Dahlia was now lying lifeless and brutalised just inches away. Allured by a beautiful faerie. Like the other village girls. Like your mother. Like you—
You launched up, nausea turning your stomach. This was too much. If all fae were the same…if all of them were capable of this…
“What is it?” Devin asked. Your father didn’t speak; merely stared at you with an indiscernible expression.
“I need some fresh air, I’m sorry.” Feeling as though you were gasping for breath, you pushed through them, stumbled clumsily past Dahlia’s body and out of the room before they could stop you. You focused on forcing your legs forward, finding your way out of the house. Balmy summer air coaxed you towards it and had you practically falling out of the door.
What had you been thinking, having regular, secret meetings with a faerie who could tear you apart with his bare hands? Inviting him into your village, your home? Allowing yourself to think that he was somehow different? Finding ways to justify your involvement with him?
Azriel may not have been responsible for the attacks himself, but his kind were. You didn’t know him. Didn’t know what he was capable of. For all you were aware, your warming to him had been carefully manipulated by him, by magic. For all you were aware, he could have an extensive list of human girls that he’d softened and lured. He could be using you for something.
You didn’t want to think about what. Didn’t want to know.
What you did know was that you couldn’t see him anymore. Dahlia was some sort of sign that your dealings with the fae had to stop. What you had with Azriel needed to stop—
“It hits a little close to home, doesn’t it?” Your father’s soft voice reached you from the doorway. Amidst your reeling thoughts, you hadn’t heard him follow you out.
You sucked in a huge gulp of fresh air and pivoted to face him. “It does,” you agreed. “I’m sorry if I disappointed you by running out of there.”
He shook his head, took a step closer. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I felt it was necessary for you to see just what a single faerie was capable of. That doesn’t mean I expect you to be unfeeling and unaffected. That sight in there is…it’s terrifying. And gods, if it were you lying on that table—” he cut himself off, swallowing hard. It was a rare thing for him to share such sentiments with you. That was as close as he’d allow himself to get.
So you nodded, letting him know that you got it. He was terrified of you meeting the same fate that poor Dahlia had.
The moment hung between you, thick as the sticky night air. And then you were taking the plunge and asking the question that lived somewhere deep and heavy inside you, trying to claw its way out.
“Was it like that when Mama was attacked?” you studied your father, waiting for him to flinch, grimace, something. “When she was attacked by a faerie, did she…did she look much like Dahlia does?”
A gruesome question, and perhaps an unfair one.
But for the first time in your life, you needed to know — the gory details. How bad it had been.
Your father pursed his lips, staring back at you. For a moment, you thought he might not answer.
But then he shook his head. Shoved his hands into his pockets. He looked…vulnerable.
“No,” he answered, his voice laced with something you couldn’t grasp. “No. There was far less left of your mother after her attack. Nothing of the woman I had loved.”
Before you could answer, he turned and trudged back inside.
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Three weeks in a row.
Three weeks in a damn row, the curtains had remained shut at Y/N’s bedroom window.
Azriel thought his need to see her was starting to eat him alive.
But gods, he missed her. He missed her curiosity, that she did not seem to fear him. Missed that he could lose hours talking to her about everything and nothing. Missed her scent, the taste and feel of her lips—
He heaved a sigh, sprawling back in his bed and running a hand over the panes of his bare stomach. His blood thudded and thrummed in his veins. Burned too hot.
He knew, at least, that she was well, only from the rare glances he caught of her from the sky above the village. Seeing her and not being able to swoop down and speak to her was a whole torture of its own. But if the curtains were closed, that meant it wasn’t safe. The last thing he wanted was to get her into trouble.
Still, that didn’t stop his bones from feeling too hot with need, his heart too heavy—
Another quiet sight escaped him, the pads of his fingers stroking absentmindedly over his abdomen. It felt entirely out his control that his thoughts quickly ventured down the same avenue they’d been walking for three weeks, now. Yet again recalling that conversation he and Y/N had had when he’d last been with her. The broadened confidence that had lain within her actions.
She’d asked him about lovers. She’d kissed him deeply, yearningly, and had he not stopped her, she would have taken it further. He knew she would have — knew it from the way her scent had changed.
Gods, that scent. He was sure it had followed him everywhere these past weeks. It would drive him mad yet. The scent of fresh summer air and sweet, ripe apples. It was perfect, and mouthwatering, and Cauldron boil him, Azriel wanted more. A touch. A taste—
A low noise rumbled in his chest as his cock instantly hardened. This was why it was best to keep his mind occupied. Because as time went on, so too did his growing, strengthening, snowballing attraction for the human woman.
She was likely unaware of what affect she truly had on him.
With only the covers draped over his naked body, the light brush of the fabric against his hardened length was too much. He kicked them away, glancing down at his body’s reaction to the mere thought of Y/N. Nothing to do with him not having had sex for a while now.
All to do with the fact that he wanted Y/N. Badly.
He wrapped a hand around his cock, releasing a hushed moan at the touch. And as his thumb mopped up the precum at the head, and he began to pump slowly, languidly, he closed his eyes and imagined it was her hand that touched him.
That mental image threw the unhurried pace straight out of the window. Fantasies swarmed him as he writhed on the mattress and bit down on his husky, growling moans. Thoughts of Y/N stroking and squeezing and licking him, of her guiding him through his pleasure with filthy words and promises. Watching his length disappear between those perfect, full lips—
A shout shuddered out of him that he was too slow to suppress, his chest heaving as he emptied his cock onto his stomach. The pleasure was too much. He couldn’t think around it, couldn’t see anything but the stars that burst in his vision.
He didn’t know when he’d last cum so fast, so hard.
But somehow, he did know that no other woman, female, whatever, would ever be enough again. Only Y/N. He wanted Y/N.
He needed to find a way to see her.
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Resolving to have nothing more to do with Azriel did not, unfortunately, banish thoughts of him. Nor did it banish the feeling of missing him, missing what you’d grown comfortable with.
It was hard to go from looking forward to weekly rendezvous to just…nothing. No social interaction, besides what you got from behind the bar of the inn. No personal connections.
It was for the best, you told yourself. In the three weeks since you’d been on the road with your father and his men, those images of Dahlia’s broken body had not left your mind. They haunted you as thoroughly as the sounds of Marin’s cries and wails. As thoroughly as those words she’d spoken.
The most beautiful man I’d ever seen.
Azriel was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. And while he may not have been responsible for Dahlia’s attack, or the attacks on the girls in your village…that didn’t mean he wasn’t capable.
The fae were a violent people. There was no getting around that. And you…you could not take that risk. No matter how much your heart yearned to do so, just to feel the touch of Azriel’s hands and hear the smooth lilt of his voice.
He was fae. You were human. It could never work.
So you kept your curtains closed, and you kept yourself busy. You knew Azriel must have wondered what was going on, why you’d been unavailable three weeks in a row. Soon enough, you told yourself, he was bound to get bored and seek connection with somebody else, and your brief brush with the fae would become a bizarre, distant memory.
You hoped.
Perhaps if you chanted it to yourself enough, it would come true.
But gods, you’d become so comfortable with him. Had found what felt like a real, genuine bond with somebody, like nothing you’d been able to experience before. It was no easy thing to return to loneliness, just you and the inn and your piano. Everything was suddenly too dull, too quiet.
At least your father hadn’t asked you to come on the road with him again.
His trips were getting longer, the further he ventured. Two days had stretched to four. You were more alone than ever.
Tonight, when the last of your customers had filed through the door, you were not in the mood to play piano, nor to read a book. Your frame of mind was a tricky one. You felt…restless and misplaced. Tired in your bones and yet wide awake and longing.
You tossed and you turned, kicking your sheets, writhing against your mattress until you were sticky with sweat. You wanted to pull back the curtains and wrench open the window, but…not at this hour. Not while Azriel might still be circling above, searching to see if you were available.
So in the dark, you let the hours tick by, waited for sleep to find you or…some semblance of peace. You listened to each chime of the village’s clock tower, making you aware of every hour you’d lain awake; one o’clock, two o’clock, three o’clock. No passing time made a difference. Restlessness still commanded your body until finally, you’d had enough.
It was nearing four o’clock by the time you threw your sheets off you and stormed out of your bed, exasperated and fed up — by your constant thoughts that would not leave you alone, and how they seemed to control everything. What were you to do without the few hours of oblivion that sleep afforded you?
Was even this some power of the fae…to command your mind and drive you mad with sleeplessness and restlessness until you were losing yourself entirely, becoming an empty shell who lived only to harbour feelings for an ethereal being who saw you as some sort of toy? Was your longing even real, or just the product of magic?
You weren’t sure of anything anymore.
Though still very much night, the darkness had lifted just slightly over the village with another summer morning rapidly approaching. Birds were beginning to wake and sing their songs. It wouldn’t be too long before the milkman ventured through the village with his wagon, leaving bottles at the residents’ doors.
If Azriel had tried to visit, he certainly wouldn’t be around any longer — not with the world waking up.
So you resigned yourself to the fact that you wouldn’t be sleeping. You threw a robe over your nightgown and trudged down the stairs, irritated and ill at ease. You headed straight for the back door, to your small yard that was just as grey and dull as everything else. At least the air would be fresh. Somewhat.
Though tinged with the smells of the countryside, it was nice to feel it wash over you. Cool, in the absence of the sun, and yet not cold. You slumped down onto the wooden bench against the wall and rested your head back, closing your eyes.
How, you wondered, had you been foolish enough to land yourself in such a predicament? How had you gone from being some human, village nobody, to brushing arms with the very beings you’d been raised to despise? It had to be magic that had weaved its way into your mind. Perhaps Azriel hadn’t meant to bewitch you, but he had. Perhaps it was some natural facet of his kind that he had no control over, that you’d fallen victim to. You’d heard stories of the kinds of fae who were love talkers — Gancanagh — whose sole magic was to pour sweetened words into women’s ears and so thoroughly seduce them until they were nothing more than their feelings. Could that be what Azriel was? Could he have—
A thud ripped you from your thoughts so abruptly that you jolted, your eyes flying open.
Just in time to see Azriel jump down from the opposite wall, feet landing smoothly on the cracked concrete ground of the yard.
You stared at him, knocked speechless, for a moment, by the mere sight of him. You couldn’t deny that you’d missed gazing upon his brilliance. The dark leathers and flawless appearance. The shadows.
But you quickly yanked yourself out of it, shaking your head. You would not be bewitched or love-talked or…whatever. Not again.
“It’s so good to see you,” Azriel breathed, cleaving the silence.
But you were up on your feet, still shaking your head, suddenly cold all over. “You can’t be here.”
“I checked the village before I came down,” he stepped closer. “All is fine—”
“No,” you interrupted. “You need to leave.”
He paused, seeming to take his time studying you. His brow furrowed at your guardedness, the way you crossed your arms over your chest and eyed the distance between yourself and the door.
“I don’t understand…” he murmured, taking a step closer. “Where have you been? What’s happened?”
The backs of your legs hit the bench in your attempt to back up. “None of that matters. You just need to stay away from me. Leave, and don’t come back.”
Surprise seemed to steal him so suddenly that it gave you an opening the move. You made to cross your way back to the door, to get yourself inside. Locks were no use against his ability to winnow, but at least you could find a weapon in there, should you need it.
But Azriel was stepping closer just as fast, his warm hand closing around your elbow in a gentle yet firm touch. Gods, you’d missed that touch—
“Don’t,” you snapped, recoiling. “Do not touch me—”
“Y/N, just look at me. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Why?” Pivoting to face him didn’t ease his grip even a little. “So you can charm me into believing you’re not dangerous?”
A muscle in his jaw ticked, his eyes blazing. “I never claimed not to be dangerous. But I am not a danger to you.”
A brusque, almost hysterical laugh broke from you. “Resorting to faerie riddles? How convenient—”
“Y/N—”
“Let me go.”
This time, when you yanked your arm back, his hand fell. You didn’t wait around to see his reaction as you darted through the door and slammed it shut, locking it with trembling hands.
But when you turned, he was right there in front of you, in your fucking house. You backed yourself up against the door to stop your body colliding with his.
“Get out,” you breathed. “I mean it. Get away from me.”
Slowly, he rose his hands in a placating manner. There was pleading in his tone as he carefully bit out, “I just want to talk to you. Please. Tell me what I’ve done.”
You stared at him, pressing your palms flat against the door. It hurt so, so badly that you wanted to hear him out. Wanted to wipe that crestfallen, devastated expression from his face and hold his hand and talk to him and kiss him—
No, no, no. You shook your head, shook the thoughts away. Azriel watched with wide eyes.
“I am not a danger to you,” he said again, slowly lowering his hands. “But if that’s what you’re worried about…” smooth as a damn waltz, he unsheathed a blade, sharp enough to slice through the sky itself. He gripped the hilt, holding the beautiful weapon out to you. “Take this. It is the only thing I am currently armed with, and if at any point you feel in danger, you have my permission to stab me with it. I just want to talk.”
Your gaze flicked between the blade and his face, unsure and upset. Upset, because you knew that the longer you spent in his presence, spent listening to his voice, the harder it would be to remember the driving force behind your hostility. The harder it would be to convince him to leave and never return.
But perhaps the key to that was not being hostile towards him, but rather, making him hostile towards you. That would be easier. You had never been completely honest with him — about who your father was. Maybe fessing up to the fact that you’d joined him in his campaign would be enough to anger Azriel into leaving.
You jerked your chin at the blade, squaring your shoulders. “Place it on the floor and step away.”
He didn’t hesitate. A shadow snaked out, coiling around the dagger and easing it to the floor with barely a noise. And then Azriel stepped back, and back, and back. Until he was pressed against the wall opposite you.
He didn’t move an inch as you reached for the knife and took it into your hand. The feel of it was weighty and foreign — and beautiful.
“I just want to talk to you,” Azriel said again, his voice gritty. “Tell me what happened. Tell me what…what’s changed.”
You met his eyes, squaring your shoulders as you admitted, “I wasn’t completely honest with you.”
His face showed no reaction. He didn’t even stir. Just stared back at you and spoke clearly, carefully. “Alright. Talk me through that.”
“We once discussed a band of humans who are raising a cause against the fae. Do you remember?”
“I do.”
“I never told you that it is my father who set up the cause. He is the one behind the campaigns. He is the one who takes his men village to village and spreads word of the evil deeds of the fae. He’s behind it all.”
A heavy silence filled the space between you. Azriel stared at you, his expression unreadable. This was the moment he would curse you for keeping the truth from him. The moment he would leave and never look back.
Except, all he did was nod his head once. Like you’d merely offered him a droll comment about the weather.
“Do you not understand what I’m telling you?” you pushed. “I sat up on that hill with you and discussed the matter when I knew the entire time who you were talking about. What they were doing. I deceived you. Kept it from you.”
“There are things you don’t know about me, too,” he answered quietly. “Things that I, for certain reasons, have not told you yet. I would be foolish to assume the same wouldn’t be the case for you,” he stared at you, head-on. Unflinching. “I know better than anybody, Y/N, that you cannot help who or what you come from. I won’t judge you for it, just as I’ve asked you not to judge me.”
Gods, he was so damn reasonable. So much more…worldly and mature, than the human men you knew in the village.
Then again, Azriel had centuries of life on them.
“I’m not angry that you didn’t tell me,” he studied you. “I can understand why you’d be cautious—”
“My father took me on his campaign three weeks ago. Took me on the road with him and his men.”
 It was that which seemed to really stop Azriel in his tracks. Something — the slightest thing, a tiny reaction — flared in his eyes. You weren’t sure what it was.
Good. This was good. Maybe now he would get the point, that you and he needed to stop seeing each other.
“Night after night, I sat and listened to what my father had to say. To what he knows,” your hand gripped hard at the knife’s hilt, like it was the only thing grounding you and making you able to speak. “None of it was stuff I hadn’t heard before. I even resented listening to it. I curled myself up in a corner and repeated to myself over and over that whatever was being said, you were not like that. You were not the kind of fae of which my father spoke.”
Azriel’s lips pressed into a thin line. “I am not. Just as I told you.”
“I found it frustrating to hear him tarnish all of your people with the same stories when you had proved to me otherwise. That some fae could be good. That I had been ignorant. And then,” a short laugh rasped out of you, “and then, as if the universe was trying to send me some sort of message, a man came looking for us and said we needed to accompany him somewhere. And we did. My father, a member of his group, and myself. We followed this man to a house in that village, and I knew it was bad from the other end of the street. I could hear the cries coming from within that house, the wailing.”
That information was met with a wall of silence — as though Azriel was biting back his words and waiting for you to finish your story before he would deign to speak. Even if the rigid set of his shoulders told you he desperately wanted to do otherwise.
“There was a girl’s body in that house.” Merely recalling the image of Dahlia had a lump rising in your throat. You silently begged your eyes not to tear up. “The body of a fourteen-year-old girl. A child. A fae male had attacked her, and her poor mother had seen the entire thing.”
Azriel swallowed. “That’s awful—”
“She told us exactly what she saw. Described the faerie to us. How he was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen, with dark eyes and golden skin and such a charming demeanour. How her daughter hadn’t stood a chance, because he was already weaving his way into her mind and appealing himself to her. Making her think that he was no threat. Because his beauty, his allure, was above anything else.”
“And…what are you saying?” Azriel asked bleakly. “That you think it was I who attacked that girl—?”
“No, but it was a faerie! It’s always the fucking fae!”
The words left you so angrily, so loudly, that you realised you’d been waiting for someone to yell them at. That they burned inside you, and they hurt. You felt…foolish. Betrayed.
And Azriel appeared to read all of that on your face. He swallowed again, hard, balling his fists at his sides like it took everything in his power to hold himself back and not approach you.
“I never once denied that faeries are capable of such atrocities,” he stared at you. “Not once. I simply asked you to acknowledge that there is good and bad in all people, whatever we are. It’s not as black and white as the fae just being bad.”
“And yet,” your voice was cold, “I haven’t been presented with anything to say otherwise.”
That might have been a low blow. You were guessing it was, from the way Azriel physically flinched, before schooling his features.
Because he…he was evidence of good, wasn’t he? He certainly had been, before the situation with poor Dahlia. He’d shown you that he was tender and soft, patient and kind. It had been enough for a while.
But you had more or less just said that it had never been enough at all. And that seemed to bother him more than anything else.
“You and I are worlds apart,” you added, sounding weaker. “Whatever or whoever you are…we simply have no business getting involved with one another.”
“That’s bullshit.” In a flash, Azriel was pushing off the wall. He strode forward a couple of steps, before thinking better of it and stopping in his tracks. Ferocity turned his golden skin a ruddy hue. “I don’t care what sides of the wall either of us fall on. What matters is that I feel right around you. I feel alive because of you. If we have no business getting involved, tell me why I cannot sleep for having constant thoughts about you. Tell me why you have consumed me as though you have bewitched me.”
You blinked, almost — almost — wanting to laugh. The description was one you absolutely had fitted to him. To consider that he’d come to the same conclusion about you—
“I swear to you that I have never used any sort of faerie sway to appeal myself to you,” he continued. “What we feel for one another is genuine. I keep coming back to you because I ache for you. And I don’t judge you one bit for thinking badly of my kind — especially after what you saw on your father’s trip. It’s awful, and I abhor what was done to that girl. But I beg of you, Y/N — please. Do not paint me in the same light.”
Each word pelted you like hailstones, the impact of them sending a shiver coursing down your spine. So quickly, your body wanted to falter, to fold, to go marching over to him. It took every shred of effort to stand your ground and grip onto the knife as though your life depended on it.
“I’m not trying to invalidate what you’ve seen, what you’ve experienced.” Azriel took another slight step forward. “I would never. I just…I ask you to give me one more chance to prove that there is another side to the coin. That good can exist as well as bad.”
You pointed the blade towards him, stopping him in his tracks. But you lifted your chin as you asked, “How? How would you prove that? I don’t want any faerie trickery.”
“And there would be none. I want to show you…for you to see with your own eyes…”
“…see what?”
“The good that I know. The good that I live amongst.” Pleading lay within his eyes. “Just give me one more night. One more night of your time to take you into my world. To show you more of myself. And if you still want nothing more to do with me…” Slowly, he shook his head, as though he could hardly bear the thought. “Then I will find a way to accept it, and you will never have to see me again.”
You shook — trembled — with the effort to rein yourself in. You didn’t understand this carnal…thing, deep inside you, that was drawing you to him. Like a thread in your body, connected to one in his, begging you to close the gap and go to him.
You rocked on your feet, eyeing him with none of the anger you’d felt moments before, and all of the caution at how he so often made you feel. Like you wanted to be in front of him. To touch him.
“I don’t…understand what you’re suggesting,” you said slowly.
Azriel took a single, tiny step closer. You didn’t stop him. “Let me take you across The Wall for one night. A few hours, if that’s all you’re willing to give. To my city, my home. Let me introduce you to my family. To everyone and everything that reminds me how much good exists amongst my kind, even when I sometimes doubt it myself.”
“Across The Wall—?”
“It would be entirely safe.” Another step, closing that gap between you. “I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you. And if we get there and you don’t even want to talk to me, you don’t have to. I just…I just want you to see. You deserve to see the good.”
So many feelings warred inside you at once. Intrigue, curiosity, fear — such raging fear. Excitement. Maybe…maybe a little bit of hope.
Hope that you could still be proved wrong. Because you still wanted to be proved wrong.
You didn’t want to let Azriel go.
Swallowing hard, your eyes shuttered. What he was asking of you was huge, and that wasn’t even considering the logistics of how you would do it. “I don’t…know if I could.”
With another step, Azriel was close enough to touch. The familiar scent of him was almost enough, alone, for you to fold. The hand that held the blade lowered entirely without your willing.
“Why don’t you take the day to think about it?” Hazel eyes were a long-awaited caress against your face. “Your father is away for another night yet, isn’t he?”
Your gaze clashed with his abruptly. “How do you know that?”
Quickly, he held his hands up. “Just going by the pattern of his previous trips, that’s all. He doesn’t usually return until the weekend.”
Right. Perhaps you were being a little bit paranoid. You forced yourself to relax a little.
“Yes,” you concurred. “He’s away for another night.”
Azriel’s chin dipped. “So…how about this? You take the day to think my offer over. If you decide you want to accept and come with me, I’ll be waiting for you above. At midnight, on the dot. If you decide you don’t, and you do not want anything else to do with me…well, like I said, I’ll find a way to accept it somehow.”
You knew your resolve was already slipping, leaning more towards what felt right, rather than…that what you’d been raised to believe was right.
And it wasn’t as though it was an unreasonable offer. You believed that Azriel could keep you safe either side of The Wall. Your wellbeing wasn’t what concerned you in the slightest.
You supposed that it was that if you were to go along with this…there would likely be no turning back. You’d so far merely dipped your toe into the world of the fae.
Crossing The Wall would be like submerging yourself in it.
“Take the day to think about it,” Azriel said again, studying you closely. “All I ask is that you do think about it…properly. Don’t just…don’t just write me off. Please, Y/N. I couldn’t bear it.”
Something in his voice smothered that last shred of doubt that tried to hold you back. Your own voice was quiet as you replied, “Alright. I’ll think about it.”
In front of you, his shoulders seemed to slump with something like relief. Pleading still lay within his eyes. You weren’t sure, in that moment, if you could handle staring back at it.
So you instead held the knife out to him, ripping your gaze away. “You can have this back.”
“Don’t want to stab me?” he said, and your lips threatened to quirk up. You forced the smile away as he took the weapon back and sheathed it.
“I’ve yet to decide. I’ll spend the day contemplating that, too.”
So easy, to fall back into the natural rapport you had with him. Azriel didn’t bother to bite down on his smile.
But the smile then faltered, and worry clouded his eyes. “I really do hope you’ll give me another chance.”
“Why?” you blurted. “Why me?”
For a moment, he didn’t respond. And then he stepped away from you. Something in his stance told you he was readying himself to disappear.
“I’ll tell you why, if you come across the wall with me,” he said, his eyes meeting yours. “I want to be transparent with you. But I have to protect my heart, too.”
“You—”
“Just think on it,” he spoke softer, gentler. “And get some sleep, Y/N.”
Before you could respond, a breeze rippled through the room, tinged with the smells of winter.
And just like that, you were alone.
✧: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚
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delululand · 5 months
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enhypen (hyung line) in a relationship. astrological analysis (+ nsfw too)
astrology only shows the propensity for something and a lot depends on upbringing, influence of environment, cultural peculiarities of the country where a person grew up and other things.
p.s. since members have the same placement, some points can be repeated or written by one member with a connection to another member
heeseung
his venus is in virgo, which makes him practical and rational. such people can appreciate order, methodicality and structurality in life and in relationships. usually they are not inclined to show strong emotions, but at the same time they can be very attached to their partners. and we remember that at school heeseung liked one girl for 3 years, which indicates stability and affection even at a young age. and we don't know the exact time of his birth yet, so I can assume that his moon is also in virgo. he has many earthly positions in the natal chart and this once again emphasizes stability and rationality. sometimes these people can have a slightly inflated and idealized image of their partner and when they face reality it can be disappointing for them. this is just one possibility, but he liked a girl for 3 years and they only dated for 3 months. we don't know why this happened and of course it is worth considering that he was young and literally still was in school, but loving someone from a distance is much easier than building a relationship with a real person. so he may be a man who looks long before starting a relationship but may quickly become disillusioned once the relationship begins but if he does find the one, he will be very caring and loyal. actually when i think about his potential girlfriend, i come up with a slightly stereotypes image of the that girl who gets up early in the morning, does meditation, writes a plan for the day and necessarily follows him, monitors nutrition and all that which he could admire and achieve goals together
nsfw
• he is moon in virgo and he’ll literally monitors your every reaction to understand exactly what you like and what you don't like, to give you pleasure and see how you finish this is his biggest motivation
• moon in virgo really wants to hear praise from how well they did in bed otherwise they may be overthinking about it. so yeah hi praise kink
• people with earthly placement in mars/venus/moon (in his case venus in virgo) often tend to be the most generous in bed, they're all about providing his partner
• capricorn mars is all about that BDSM
jay
his venus is a taurus and this indicates a propensity for material security and comfort. he is a real hedonist, people with venus in taurus really love a good life and everything connected with it, such as buying beautiful things, delicious food, luxury and fashion (and actually sex ofс too, but more on that later). and we see these appearances very vividly in his personality. he loves to cook well, he is very interested in fashion, perfume and he even said that he would like to create his own clothing brand one day. when jungwon was asked about how jay would like it, he said that through cooking food and when he was asked about jay's dating style, he replied food and going to a restaurant. soooo taurus venus. he is quite a rational and reasonable person, but this does not concern his partner. he would complitely spoil his girlfriend. he would spare no effort, time and money to show his girlfriend the best places with the most delicious food and the most beautiful views. venus in taurus is also associated with a love of naturalness and nature, and he mentioned that he sometimes likes to go to quiet places alone, such as a park, and he also chose a place with a beautiful landscape to confess to a person he likes and once said that he likes camping. i often hear the opinion that jay is a cold person and people who say such things are absolutely blind. taurus venus is also responsible for tactility. and firstly, the way he constantly slaps members on the ass, and secondly, how gently he always touches jungwon, he often puts his hands on him, strokes him on the back, lets him sit on his lap and generally allows jungwon to do anything with him. after that i can't even imagine how gentle he will be with his partner. since his time of birth is already known, we know that his moon is in cancer. the key word for moon crayfish in love is connection. it’s extremely important for them that the beloved is not just a lover, but a person who is ready to share all emotional experiences. moon cancer is ready to devote his life to such a person. the moon in cancer gives a man a romantic and passionate temperament. the combination of his venus and the moon makes him an emotionally open and sensitive partner, who can to listen and support, as well as an excellent family man. i will never stop saying that he’s such husband material
nsfw
• venus in taurus would be delighted with beautiful lingerie and creating a sexy atmosphere in the bedroom in general, like candles, rose petals and all that
• venus in taurus may indicate praise kink, but his mars is in gemini + taurus ven makes a person noisy and talkative in bed, so yes, he is the one who will talk a lot about how good you make him feel and will expect the same from a partner (with words or sounds). one of the big turn offs for such people is silence in the bedroom
• and also gemini mars may show a tendency to sexting
• taurus/cancer in venus or mars (and the big 6 in general) will be attracted by a more curvy figure and an hourglass-type figure. BUT in jay's natal chart, venus is in taurus and the moon is in cancer, so the answer to the popular question "is he an ass guy or a boobs guy?" he is BOTH
• venus taurus reaaaally enjoy slow and possessive sex paying more attention and time to foreplay (starting from seduce messages, a elegant date and only then moving to bed with long kisses)
• also, venus in taurus and the moon in cancer indicate that a person doesn’t accept disrespect. he needs his partner to be attentive, caring and appreciate his efforts and pleasure (in the bedroom and out)
• the moon in cancer makes him very passionate in bed but only if he has feelings for you. sometimes he want be taken care of, but usually in combination with his other placement he is very dominate and take the role of care-giver (and not only in bed)
• cancer moon = breeding kink. that's what i'm saying
jake
okay his venus in scorpio and actually i've heard so many different things about it. like you can see a lot of information that people with venus in scorpio are quite manipulative, they don't let anyone get close and can even communicate somewhat coldly/rudely with a person they like, and I even heard somewhere that these are people who find it very difficult (almost impossible) to find and keep true love. but in my opinion, this is a situation where upbringing and environment have influenced in a positive way. i really don't see anything extra manipulative in him or a person who would intentionally hurt his partner. even just watching him with members and especially with maknae, he is a very gentle person and jay and jungwon characterized him as the person who listens best and always helps with any question, even if it's hard for him at this moment. in my opinion venus in scorpio in his case gives such an influence: 1) a person with a riddle, some mystery could really attract him or perhaps something like a forbidden relationship as a relationship in which there is no equivalence of partners, where someone may be higher and someone lower, where someone is strong and someone is weak, where someone poor, and someone rich, where someone is free, and someone is already in a relationship, where someone is kind, and someone is categorically evil. but in a milder manifestation, given that he is an idol, this would be the majority of relationships for him since he would need to hide them and it would absolutely attract him as a game. 2) jealousy? i don’t know, actually he doesn’t give a jealous person a vibe, but we have only seen him with members and maybe he is not jealous of friends, but jealous of a partner. 3) the fear of losing which can be expressed either in excessive attachment and control with which he will strangle his partner or vice versa with some coldness due to the fear of opening up and hurting his feelings
nsfw
• his moon in aries and aries moons love a "right here n right now" kinda sex and tend to be really fond of bold and nonchalant advances
• scorpio venus/mercury has a tendency to degrade kink and jake literally has both so…
• the moon in aries can say that he would be attracted by a very confident and brave girl who could put him in his place. in my opinion, in this case it would be a little softened in life, but more in the bedroom + the point above about degradation… it would be a fucking fiery mix
• libra mars tends to vent stress and negative emotions (especially anger) during sex
• aries moon are the most horny people who is ready always and everywhere
• his mars in libra makes him pretty dominant in bed and he's also likely to be good at dirty talk
• scorpio mercury is sooo good at oral sex
sunghoon
sunghoon as jake has a moon in scorpio and i think for the most part they are similar. however, perhaps sunghoon is a little more inclined to show coldness and indifference towards the person he likes and perhaps a little more inclined to hurt a partner in a relationship with words or actions (not consciously). he's like you know the guy who likes you, but he pretends not to notice you or in extreme cases, if one way or another you have become closer can sometimes tease you (but not much so that you suddenly don't think that he cares!). most likely would have been attracted by someone with tsundere energy. people with the moon in sagittarius are quite freedom-loving, do not like routine and are open to learning something new that can lead to conflicts if a partner treats life differently and would try to lock him in a cage
nsfw
• venus in scorpio and mars in scorpio can indicate dominance in bed and sunghoon has both of these placements so…
• mars in scorpio can behave literally like a sex addict with a person he is in love with
• sunghoon has venus in scorpio as jake, so the degrading kink is also here
• mars in scorpio can make a person a little impatient like the type that goes straight to the point forgetting about any preludes and other types of stimulation
• but also mars in scorpio makes it very resistant and can make go many rounds per night
• with his scorpio placement he would like someone innocent so that he could completely ruin them
p.s. maybe i’ll update it later and add some more and i’ll glad to hear your opinion
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cartoonist-in-theory · 5 months
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You’re walking down a long quiet road. It’s winter, snow covers the ground, the sky fades gray. All around you are trees that have long since dropped their leaves, cold and dead, waiting for spring. You stop beneath one, eye caught by a striking sight. Amid the bare branches you see a round bundle of stunning green leaves. Hanging down above you are dozens of beautiful little pearly white berries. The fruit tempts you, but you don’t dare touch. Instead you simply admire them. Life among the dead of winter. Mistletoe.
@slocotion Hi, here is my design for slocotion's patreon dyo doll contest. Her name is Haustoria of the Pale. I was very excited to put this together once it struck me. I thought of all my favorite fruits I could have used but then inspiration hit me as I was considering less common fruits and fungi. Mistletoe is used medicinally by some but the entire plant, including its cute white berries, is toxic. Since this is a longer post, I’ll include more notes on my design under a cut but to point out the most important thing, I’ve combined the nature of the toxic berries with some historical+mythological inspiration that I think echoes it nicely.
In Norse mythology, a well known story is that of the death of Baldr. Baldr was the most loved god of the Aesir, so when a vision of his death reached his parents Odin and Frigga, they did all they could to protect him. Frigga sent her servants all over the world to make every creature and thing vow to never harm a hair on Baldr’s head. All but mistletoe promised, too insignificant or too young to make the vow. After it was done, Bladr seemed invincible. Since nothing was willing to hurt him, the gods would sometimes gather around and throw things at him, watching everything bounce off without injuring him. Loki, jealous of the love and affection that was always paid to Baldr, came up with a plan to get rid of him. He had an arrow made of mistletoe and brought it to Baldr’s blind brother Hodr. He gave it to him to throw at Baldr as all the gods pelted him with objects and weapons. Hodr threw the arrow and, since mistletoe had never promised not to harm him, it pierced his chest, killing him instantly... And so Baldr was delivered to the depths of the land of the dead, looked over by Hel.
specific design notes under the cut thank you for looking!
Mistletoe is a very interesting plant to me. It’s not a tree or vine or bush, but instead its an evergreen parasite. The sticky seeds attach themselves to the branches and grow into it with a haustorium, which is a structure that lets them sap nutrients from the host plant. Haustoria’s name is a reference to this structure. “of the Pale” is a reference to not only the color of the berries but the pale gray and white landscape of winter.
Mistletoe berries are heavily toxic but also exist in winter, when other plants may be barren and “dead.” Because of that and their parasitic nature I see them as a sweet little balance of life and death. In addition to that, I use the split colors of the face/mask of Haustoria to reference the goddess of the land of the dead, Hel, who is described as having a body that is half black as death, split down the middle.
The structure of the outfit is inspired by Scandinavian and specifically Norwegian folk dresses, since I’m borrowing old Norse history for more inspiration, it seemed fitting. I also felt the style would be good to accompany the botanical and berry designs attractively.
The twin peaked hood is to further split the design down the middle, with little charms to show life and death.
I included white beads all over the outfit to represent the mistletoe berries themselves so they could stand out.
The dark side of her face is adorned with thorns and has three mournful black tears leaking down from her eye, as well as a hollow half of the center heart.
The light side is blushed and lively with shiny eyes, leaves shaped like the mistletoe leaves, red petals like the mistletoe blooms, three white dots to be the mistletoe fruit, and the center heart is full.
Her cape is white on the inside to represent the white of the berries and also the white of snow.
To cap it off, I do believe mistletoe is fitting for a plague doctor as they are still used medicinally to this day. :)
Thank you for reading everything and looking at my design! I’m very proud of her and I hope she doesn’t stretch the theme. And definitely more than anything else I hope you enjoy looking at her!
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