#circle of shoes

[dutchjan]

February 08, 2024

#rotterdam #kunsthal #aiweiwei #in search of humanity #circle of shoes #art #met jos #1986

[evenlyevi]

meet me in the fairy ring.

#illustration #blue #plants #fairy ring #fairy circle #mushrooms #witchy vibes #shoes #digital art #non fandom tag #i have so many wips and i draw slowly 🐌

[hedgehog-moss]

Various ways in which I have underestimated my chickens (callout post to myself):

cognitive abilities (memory): I dropped some pasta while making a salad earlier and Louise was nearby so I opened the door and invited her into the kitchen to come clean up. At first she just meandered round the room glaring suspiciously at furniture because she's unfamiliar with the inside of my house, then I helped her locate the pasta and she pounced, but before she could eat all of them Morille came zooming across the room with Pandolf zooming behind her, which freaked out the hen who noisily flew-ran out of the room. She stayed away long enough that when I called her inside again I expected her to have forgotten all about the pasta, and that I would have to show it to her again, but instead she went straight for it, resolutely, having clearly kept this important goal in a corner of her teeny tiny mind this whole time.

hunting abilities: before getting chickens I didn't realise they actually hunted? (sometimes.) I pictured their search for food as quiet foraging, busily scratching the dirt for worms, but a) hens are never quiet they're always chattering to each other so already that part was wrong; b) when they find a worthy prey they hunt it with the fierce determination of a mountain lion. I once saw Dru chasing a grasshopper across half the pasture, running at full chicken speed and sometimes boosting herself with her wings Mario kart-style while the grasshopper desperately hopped for its life, until eventually she pounced with her beak wide open and managed to catch it mid-jump. With an action movie soundtrack this scene would have been every bit as intense and gripping as a cheetah hunting a gazelle in a wildlife documentary.

social abilities (empathy): one time Cordélia had a little bit of grass stuck in her eye and she kept rubbing her head with her claw to try and dislodge it unsuccessfully, and then she seemingly asked Dru for help, placing her face very close to the other hen's face like "see that stupid twig?" and Dru removed it with her beak. Again that's not something I would have expected from a hen... they're very disloyal creatures, so it was fascinating to see. They would stab their grandma for a dusty rigatoni but leaving a friend with something stuck in her eye is apparently a level of antisocial even chickens won't cross.

social abilities pt.2 (romantic sensibility): sometimes when the night sky is clear and you can see the Milky Way, instead of tucking themselves in at sundown like they usually do, they'll fly to the roof of their coop and sit there for a little while to watch the stars together. Okay this one may be a tiny bit less scientific an observation than the others but I don't have an explanation for this behaviour; I've never noticed anything wrong with their coop on these particular nights, the door is open, they can go in—and the girls don't seem stressed at all, if anything they look like they're having a nice peaceful moment and I feel bad for bothering them.

#crawling along #they are not stargazing in this pic because they are now watching pandolf who is circling the coop. but they were just before! #also re: pt 3 it's very possible that rather than wanting to help #dru thought the blade of grass was a delicious food item she decided to steal #which would still make it a good example of chicken empathy but on cordy's part #she had to put herself in dru's shoes #what would i do if i were her? immediately steal the thing from my friend without remorse #therefore she will rid me of the annoying thing

[warhead]

#scott johnston #mad circle #dc shoes #skateboarding #sciencevslife

[luck-of-the-drawings]

so REVENGE, HUH? or justice, if that makes you feel better. it tastes the same when cooked just right. 'I REALLY WANTED A BROTHER.' such a shame to burn a bridge you so desperately wanted to keep, especially when it wasnt even you who started the fire. especially when you hope that not a single fragment of that bridge ever washes ashore.[MAY IT ROT FAR FROM MY SIGHTS] an unfortunate loss! atleast he has his friends.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi prime defenders #jrwi prime defenders spoilers #jrwi pd spoilers #jrwi pd #william wisp #vyncent sol #THIS ONE IS FUUUUCKIN OOOOOLLDD RAAAHHHHH i made it like. a year ago. but didnt finish it for so so long bc i just wasnt happy w it. #BUT LIKE A CENTURY EGG the decades of being encased in salt n lime n ash have done WELL to bring out the flavores of this piece #i sorta recently cleaned it up and posted it onto twitty. didnt tag it bc it was SO OLD AND SCUFFED(i see so many MISTAKES NOW) #that i didnt want to expose it to the open air just like that #if i show smth to my small circles then it shall only be understood in those small circles. #open air and open interpretation from minds i cannot predict are NOT something i enjoy the thought of. usually. i am brave tho #BUT EVERYONE ON TWITTY WAS SO NICEEE i was like damn... i guess it IS good enough to be enjoyed by the masses... #lets work on being nicer to our art together. THAT BEING SAID. i really love my colors here HELL YEAHHHH #FIRST TIME IN A WHILE COLORIN THESE BOYS.... i dont use proper color enough..I ALSO RLY LIKE MY BACKGROUNDS HERE #i LOVE when the bg is hyperrealistic (i frankestiened stock photos) and when the subjects are all flat colored n cartoony #recently rewatched Making Fiends and they do that similar thing!! soft shading! lotsa details! almost painted? ill paint one day #ive already rambled so much abt the art im runnin out of ROOm to ramble about WWWIILLIAM GODDAMN WWIIIISP. its been a minute since i saw- #-this episode..but i DO remember the funny smoke trick that will did to his funny brother. EVERYTIME U GIVE AN ORDER. THAT BRINGS HARM- #-INDIRECTLY OR NOT. YOU WILL HEAR THOSE SCREAMS. YOU WILL FEEL THAT PAIN. OHHH WHAT A COOL PUNISHMENT THAT IS #its still an olive branch in a sense! a final chance for big bro bell to show that hes NOT an irrideemable piece o shit. and if not #well. to the wolves of psychosis with him!!! i really think william did the best he could here. if i was in his shoes i have no doubt i- #-woulda done the same. IM ALSO GLAD THAT VYN DECIDED TO STICK AROUND N SUPPORT HIM! thas character development baybe!! #i loooove prime defenders.. its been so long since i watched any eps of it but i KNOW it still has such a grip on my heart..GOTTA rewatch i

[thebrainrotsreal]

EVIL MARK, EVIL MARK, EVIL MARK!!! I want to be coherent about this season but please picture me foaming at the mouth and running on the walls. S2 being what if Mark's just like his Dad? Insanity. I love this show. Anyways, AU where an Evil!Mark tries to make Our!Mark worse, and Our!Mark tries to make the other better. Something something confronting your idea of the worst version of oneself. Plus, tweaked black and yellow costume because I saw it and immediately went murder hornet lookin' ass and knew I had to draw it. Evil ass Mark. Horrible. I think he should be dragged kicking and screaming into redemption.

#mark and the fact he is fighting for this fucking life to avoid the Many Bad Endings???? im pacing. getting out the red string. #when the season is about who you are and what you could become. when trying to be good is an active choice and a struggle. #RAHHHHHHHHHHH #chewing on the bars of my enclosure...when every mark is evil OUR mark is the outlier. the exception. the OTHER. RAHHHH #dog poetry being mark poetry because how often can you kick a dog before it starts snarling before you raise your hand? #how often can you beat it before it rips into you without mercy? when it bites not at your hand but at your neck? #when does violence for survival and violence for vengeance start and end? when your opponent is down and you keep drawing blood? #circling and pacing and losing my mind over this btw if you care #anyways self vs self gets me going crazy. did you know i loved the end of atsv? because it shows. #i think o!mark would lose his fucking mind at what evil wasp looking mark has done + this mf wasp would LOATHE mark's kindness #they both see the other as the WORST version of themselves and they can't stand it. They can't shatter the mirror but they think they can-- #--change the reflection. #evil mark seeing mark and seeing what he USED to be #mark seeing what he COULD be #CAN U SEE THE VISION?????? #digital art #invincible rotating in my mind #invincible fanart #fanart #mark my beloved #mark grayson fanart #mark grayson #invincible s2 #invincible show #mark like hello this is my secret twin and he is NOTHING like me hahahaha anyways wanna debate about having mORALS and LIFE #mark grayson vs the urge not to accept every responsibility as his own #he's batman coded that way #ok im done yapping #if this happened in the comics in any way shape or form dont tell me JACK SHIT or i will PUMMEL YOU with my SHOES

[mini-minish]

quit ur politics job join our garage band!!!!!!!!!

(note: essek is canonly gay + demi, the jacket with the bi pin belongs to caleb)

#essek thelyss #critical role #mighty nein #the mighty nein #IDK WHAT THIS IS I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUUNNY #scott pilgrim vs the world #cr #cr2 #m9 #critical role 2 #dood #beauregard voice WE ARE SEX BOBOOOOOMBS #essek has to adapt the shift from designer shoes to beat down converses prayer circle for him please #tfw u have to fight your crush's evil exes #ALSO ANOTHER NOTE HE ISNT CANONLY TRANS ITS JUST A HEADCANON OF MINE #I ADDED THE FLAG BECAUSE 1 #FUCK YOU AND 2 WHY NOT #shadowgast #mentioned #the stars were drawn on by jester #also the guitar is on the wrong side i just did not understand the ref i used well #pretend that would work irl <3

[canisalbus]

you say machete has to be closeted then why's he always wearing them little heels

Maybe he thinks he's a tiny bit nicer looking in them.

#no in fact he's just a little ahead of the curve let me try to explain #again I'm not a historian I'm just sharing what I've read I might be misremembering stuff so don't quote me on this #high heels became extremely fashionable in the early 1600's probably just a few decades after Machete's time #and they were originally worn by men #because they were inspired by Persian riding boots #if your shoes had heels you'd have easier time keeping your feet in the stirrups (think of cowboy boots) #Europeans saw them thought they looked snazzy and they became wildly popular in noble circles fairly quickly #for some hundred years or so high heels were the epitome of class wealth power and status and they were essentially genderless #remember that concepts of masculinity and femininity are fluid and change over time #things that were seen as manly a few centuries ago may seem downright effeminate to a modern viewer #it's all matter of perspective neither is objectively more correct than the other #they started to separate into men's heels and women's heels around mid 1700's iirc but the changes weren't massive even then #and only truly went out of vogue when the French Revolution hit in 1789 #and people all across the continent were suddenly put off by everything that reminded them #of the frivolousness and extravagance of royalty and aristicracy #so in his canon timeline I don't think people are looking at him and going “hmmm that's pretty gay” #because heels hadn't become gendered yet #maybe he likes how they accentuate his already tiny paws and make his legs look even longer than they are #he's interested in fashion or at least likes to dress nicely in high quality garments #he tries very hard to look his best despite never really feeling comfortable in his skin #he was a real shrimp as a kid and even though he eventually grew up to be a beanpole he might still find the extra height appealing #no one's going to look down on him ever again #I admit the way I draw them is a lot more modern than the true historical style at the time but not outrageously so #artistic freedom and all that in the end I'm not aiming for 100% accuracy #modern au Machete has no excuses though he's just a little bit fruity #if the guy feels empowered by wearing little clip cloppers let him #answered #anonymous #Machete

[nguyenfinity]

Have you ever seen a bee on ice

Bonus:

Don’t worry Rinne makes a loop around and grabs him too

#enstars #crazy:b #himeru #kohaku oukawa #rinne amagi #niki shiina #so like. imagine the bees go ice skating #shoutout to the moot circle for being subject to this first #kohaku is trying his Best #himeru stands next to the wall be the exit and doesn't actually move #(because he can't skate and would rather not risk it) #until kohaku's like 'niimeru-han... help--' #rinne's just happy to have knife shoes man #himeru and kohaku are moving very slowly until he passes by at like 20mph and grabs both of them #doodlin #also unrelated side note i love how the drawing of himeru having a crisis is so loved and then the one where he's actually a bit happy is. #just barely there #man y'all love seeing this man in shambles

[darlingdawnvintage]

Vintage photo of Bette White ✨I love the fabulous 1950’s skirts ✨

#vintage fashion #shop vintage #vintage #love vintage #vintage shop #Bette white #1950s fashion #1950s #circle skirt #retro aesthetic #nostalgic #old hollywood #vintage skirt #style inspiration #vintage shoes #quilted #mcm #mid century

[helpimstuckposting]

Hey do yall uhhhh… do you guys think…. Do you think maybe that painting is important… do we think maybe possibly that painting will come back at any point… do we… do we think…

#IM RUNNING IN CIRCLES #IM GOING INSANE #IM CHEWING MY SHOE #IM THROWING UP #IM CHEWING MY OTHER SHOE #IM THROWING MYSELF OFF A BUILDING #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol

[suitmana]

so right in the grape jewel ending, freya and elise move to primeldorf shortly after the festival and live together while saving up money for their shop. that's going to be way different from when they were just dating around in kieferberg since they'll have to share even more of their lives with each other, so i wonder how their relationship would adjust to a cohabiting setup especially in the early stages of their relationship. like finding out each other's little quirks when it comes to a more homey setting (for example making their respective morning rituals work together, or maybe one of them prefers to do their laundry a certain way that might confuse the other at first but they work around it)

#little goody two shoes #lgts #elise lgts #freya lgts #grape jewel #idk just the practical minutae when it comes to cohabiting with a partner is interesting #and how the freylise dynamic works out as live-in partners given their good ending is hmmm #i like to speculate on those everyday little details that make up a relationship #bcus it's in the small ways you understand your partner thst can show just as much love as grander displays of affection #which while freya is definitely a fan of probably won't be able to do considering how busy she and elise would get running the grape jewel #they're occupying my mind again ajerhruwnd #we get that deep understanding with leblise but i want to see how freylise gets to that point as well—especially considering their past #would really come full circle from their former bitter rivalry

[septembermonologues]

man i know im biased because he is my favorite but i just feel like some people are making orym out to be more bloodthirsty than he is. i don't think im 'uwuifying him' or whatever and maybe i need to rewatch thursdays episode but i just dont think him realizing and accepting that he can't keep trying to peace talk his way through a cult anymore is the same as him going Dark Orym, you know. not while they're facing the gods-sized, world-changing problem that they are.

#like it a little bit feels like some ppl are trying to force orym into a 'caleb went dark' sized shoe they didn't get to use #'uwuifying him' is a real thing someone actually said with their full chest on twitter dot com #taking some risks putting my takes more directly out there but so many orym takes are majorly bumming me out #and maybe im just talking in circles but man #also #technically my second favorite (dorian i will never let you go babygirl) #k watches cr3 #c3e63 #ig #cr spoilers #critical role

[compacflt]

I just wanted to say as someone who has stumbled across your blog and has read your Wednesday wips and posts about anything topgun related that your thought process and consideration of mav and ice, specifically their political beliefs and relationships with their own identities, is honestly so impressive and cool. You have brought such realism and life to these characters which is just so refreshing to see. idk i just wanted to express how cool and awesome i think that is

Because of the thought into these characters does it make it difficult to like them or understand them if you have differing opinions from them? for me personally i feel like if i were to ever actually have a convo with ice or mav regarding identity politics i would actually start to lose my mind (like how one feels when your dad or fun uncle talks for too long at thanksgiving dinner). If it does make them difficult to like, does that make it difficult for you to write them sometimes?

oh yeah! i think, my ice i really empathize with & really love & really could get along with, once he grows out of the sexism of his teens & twenties, but my maverick drives me crazy. someone sent in an ask a while ago that was like “WHY is cyclone simpson your one true love??” And it’s because i too would absolutely hate maverick & hate working with him lol. people who are overly cocky & un-self-aware & a bit self-centered make me CRAZY. (narrator voice: compacflt is a hypocrite as all these things also apply to compacflt.)

Politically… It’s difficult to say. no one really wants to hear the intricacies of one person’s political journey, which is why i won’t give you mine, but suffice to say—since the start of the russian invasion of Ukraine, and my semi-concerted effort to learn more about the political landscape of modern warfare, my own personal beliefs have shifted a whole bunch. definitely aided in that shift by my top gun fic project that specifically aims to understand the conservative straight-passing male mindset as it relates to military matters… there are many end goals to a project like mine, but one end product is a filter you can take away and hold up in front of your eyes and see the world through it. When writing from the eyes of a conservative straight (passing) white man, your priorities totally shift. I had to write from the perspective of someone who doesn’t care about identity politics. Because they don’t! A core tenet of conservatism is very proudly not caring about that stuff, and being very annoyed when people (usually left-of-centers) make that stuff very visible and want you to care about it! “Don’t shove it in my face,” etc., etc. Don’t force me to care about this taboo, private thing I really don’t care about. It violates my freedoms, or whatever, to be forced to care—or even bear witness to—stuff that i don’t care about. Etc. And then, to be nominally a part of that community that you really, really don’t care about, and then to be told that you have to care about it because of your publicity… people asking you to be proud of something that has had a negative connotation for much of your entire life… that’s not a transformation that happens easily.

Jesus, I could write an essay about this. I have, several times by now in responses to asks over my blog. But there is so much that I could talk about. I think… I really worry that some of my writing falls into the first of the below categories:

I really try not to romanticize conservatism in my writing—I tried to show that ice and mav’s happiness is the price they pay for their conservatism. They’re actively choosing to be unhappy—but because they prioritize their honor over everything, due to EXTERNAL PRESSURES they cannot control, and which I think are often ignored in the fandom space for one reason or another. The fact of the matter is, in 99% of IPs, characters prioritize something other than their sexualities. It’s never Maverick’s personal identity that is at stake in either Top Gun or Top Gun: Maverick, because he has built himself so impermeably masculine that there are no grounds upon which to question his personal identity. He just isn’t thinking about it. He’s thinking about how to get into Charlie’s pants, how to win the Top Gun trophy, how to uphold his promise to Goose, et cetera. If he’s fucking guys on the side, it’s because he wants to and because hes maverick and he does what he wants without thinking about it—that’s the whole point of his character, from a story-construction standpoint. That’s his archetype. He’s a renegade maverick superstar who is both thoughtlessly brilliant and thoughtlessly dangerous. He’s thoughtless. His priorities are to survive and to look cool doing it, and that’s it. He is a savant in the Naval Air Force, where honor is your lifeblood, who feels he has been dishonored by his own family name, and who willingly joined the conservative post-Vietnam Navy right when/after Ronald Reagan was elected President, and who wears cowboy boots and who disrespects women to their faces, and who is eager to get into altercations with Soviet-Chinese-DPRK-X-second-world-country-coded-but-EXPLICITLY-Soviet-manufactured-Mikoyan-Gurevich-MiG-28s(-F-5s-painted-black)… I’m sorry. In my opinion, the conservatism is baked into him as a character. I find it extremely difficult to separate him from his conservatism, because in some ways his patriotic conservatism is his raison d’etre. IMO if you take that away from him, he ceases to exist.

Same thing with Ice and his unwillingness to openly rebel or go against the grain. That is his whole reason to exist in the story at all. I know that I’m saying this in a fandom space where the whole point is to change characters & put them in different situations (fanfic) but… in kind of a perverse self aware way, as in I know I sound ridiculous and pretentious, i guess i don’t really understand an impulse to change the core tenets of a character irreparably in fanworks. We are shown that ice always goes by the books in TG. Then we are shown that he achieves the fruits of that labor (four stars) in TGM. So he is rewarded for never rebelling, whereas Maverick, who always rebels (but NEVER in a way that challenges his personal identity), has stagnated in the ranks at full-bird O-6. And that’s Ice’s character. That’s what he’s there for in the story—he’s a tool to show us the value system of rank and prestige you earn by following the rules of the Navy. Why take that away from him? That’s his priority! Canonically, that’s his priority and reason for existence! And historically the way to achieve that priority is through conservatism.

And you ask me if it’s hard to like my ice and mav. Yes, but that’s not my choice. The movie already did that for me. They are not, I’m sorry, likable people. I am not a straight white conservative male writing about straight white conservative men to validate my own beliefs—I’m a queer AFAB person of color writing about straight white conservative men because I want to understand the limits of their conservatism. What they do and do not care about, and what it takes to make them care. And from what we are shown in TG… ice and mav would not care about ME. At all. And they would not want to be forced to care about me. Ice’s casual careless dismissiveness… “the plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies’ room…” mav following Charlie into the bathroom… turning the key in the ignition and driving away while pretending not to hear her… “what?? i can’t hear you! 🙉” … they do not care. They have no desire to care.

Again. Maybe I subscribe to a very very old-school and labored and pretentious ideology when it comes to writing… I know a lot of people write just to have fun. I do not. I wish i could, but I don’t. And when you’re not writing to have fun, you don’t have to like the characters you’re writing about. They’re nothing more than tools at your disposal to get your point across more effectively. No, I don’t like them! Of course not! My ice is cruel and cowardly and careless and hypocritical and subservient and weak, and my mav is demanding and dangerous and dismissive and oblivious and so, so, so unbelievably bitter.

And that’s what my story needed, to get my point across. So, shrug. My point was my priority. I don’t care too much about the characters themselves.

Re: icemav & identity politics. Part of hopefully selling this story is the attempt at empathy for the conservative male, to bring this discussion back to the top. Why write fiction at all if you’re not going to write about people different from you, and why write about people different from you if you don’t want to understand them? So… part of trying to understand them was to understand and have empathy for this shift in priorities. Conservative guys do not want to care about labels, or sexual orientations, or, God forbid, discussion of their gender identities. I can kind of see Ice tolerating it by the end… but, there are limits. Again, it’s supposed to be private. I think he’d chafe against getting labeled gay—he wouldn’t want to be called the first gay compacflt, or SECNAV, etc. He can’t say, “i slept with like a hundred fifty women before I even MET the ONLY man ive ever slept with,” because that’s like intensely private personal information!! No one deserves that information, but people still want to call him gay, even though in his head he really is not!!!! Again—from the conservative perspective, it’s a public imposition of left-wing, overly sexualized, too-neat labels and politics onto an area of life that has typically been kept private and respectable—I don’t agree with the conservatism, but I can at least empathize with it. Pre-Maverick’s death (pre-coming to terms with it), it would’ve been shameful & embarrassing to him; but even after coming to terms with it, it’s still not something he “takes pride” in. I think he thinks of it like this—most people aren’t proud of being straight. Like, it’s weird if you are. Same thing with being proud of being white, etc. Why be excessively proud of things you have no control over? Why not take pride in your ACTIONS—for instance, his career that he has actively sacrificed so much of his pride for? I can really empathize with that thought. I don’t necessarily agree, but I get it, especially in his professional circumstances, where he has so much to be professionally proud of, and yet people keep wanting him to publicly care about this private part of him he has no control over and can’t change.

Maverick though. I think he’d be actively hostile about talking about it in public. He Does Not Care. he does not want to care. It’s all an insult. They call him the first openly gay Ace cause he’s married to another man— “okay, but, like, I’m not. Stop calling me that. Neither of us are. Oh my god we have slept with so many women. Stop calling us that.” Ok then what do you want us, the press corps, to call you? First openly bisexual Ace? “No that’s worse!! That’s a word some teenager made up and doesn’t mean anything!! I’m sixty years old stop asking me to talk about this stuff im too old.” What do you have to say to LGBT kids who want to go into the navy? “😎👍 there’s a place for you etc etc. Let’s go back to talking about all the planes I shot down.” Maverick does what he wants without thinking about it. That’s the core tenet of his character. Very conservative. Don’t ask him to care too much.

Idk. No I don’t like them. But I understand them, if that makes sense. Like their conservative anti-label logic does make emotional sense to me. So that’s part of what I took away from this project, for better or worse… probably worse: I understand why conservatives don’t like the modern over-publicity of sexuality. They don’t care and they don’t want to care. And because they are small-C conservative, my ice and mav still don’t care lol. So, yeah. It doesn’t make them hard to write, because thats why I wanted to write them in the first place.

#what does it say about me that i put myself in their shoes & understand their position #i don’t agree with it but I understand it #the annoyance and the bad optics and the over labeling of hard-to-label sexuality #being a gay republican has got to be the seventh circle of hell #note my ice and mav are not republicans #but also note my story would not change even one bit if they were #i don’t LIKE gay republicans because they’re republicans. but i can empathize with them cause that’s gotta fucking blow. #normie median biden voter ice #now I think if a kid came up to maverick at an airshow and was like… #sir im trans and I think I want to go into the navy to fly & you’re my hero… #he’d freak out like ‘omg that means so much to me actually thanks!! it might be difficult for u i won’t lie but we need more people who #can overcome adversity…omg let me set you up with this admiral i know… yes yes yes…’ #he doesn’t like the conceptual discussions but he likes the people if that makes sense #& he really likes people massaging his ego #i find them incredibly annoying. but that’s what character development is for. if u start out liking ur characters ur doing smth wrong #& if they weren’t incredibly annoying then i wouldn’t have a story to write. #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #top gun #top gun maverick #asks #edts notes #**obvious disclaimer this is just my interpretation!!!**

[suntails]

protectors that will erode in time to dust

@llondonfog made the post that insp’d this here <3

#this is a shit sketch im NOT finishing this or making something nice but i needed it drawn. tumblr users do not follow suntails for good art #u follow for the ramblings in my tags. i see you. u see me. we are perceiving each other right here right now #silver thinking abt gargoyles bc malleus loves them. they protect a building they have utility. a purpose. silver is a protector it is his p #urpose too. and knowing that he can stand tall in the face of danger despite knowing that with time he'll crumble to dust just like the ston #ITS LETTIES JOB TO BE ELOQUENT NOT MINE. I JUST DRAW STUFF i am trying to laserbeam my thoughts into yalls heads is it working #spinning in circles rolling on the floor and sobbign #i like silvers pe shoes btw j saw em today for drawing this id wear them. just thought u deserved to know #<3 #twst #twisted wonderland #twst silver #diasomnia #suntails #oh also i know the gargoyle looks silly i think its hilarious. im naming him gerald

[kateis-cakeis]

Okay okay thinking about it, really thinking about it. My post from the other day (here) I said "you see him slip into this version of himself that is hardly recognisable, even when you compare him to his characterisation in S4" talking about S5 Merlin.

And then I really thought about, okay but what if say S1 Merlin was put into S5 Merlin's shoes, would he do any different? Would he?

Honestly, think about it.

Let's take him at the end of S1, where he was ready to give up his life for Arthur completely to save him. I mean sure he did that in S1Ep4, and tried to do it in S1Ep11, but Ep13 is where it really hits. He said goodbye after all.

This is a Merlin that was ready to tell Arthur about his magic, but was locked out of the possibility after Will lied as he died to protect him.

This is a Merlin who already tried to kill Mordred. Or well, let him die really. Not so much kill.

So let's look at lines from S1EP8 about Mordred dying vs Arthur dying, shall we? ...

"Would you let something terrible happen if it meant you'd stop something even worse happening in the future?"

"One of them's bad, really bad. And the other, it's...unthinkable."

"For once, you don't have to worry. I'm going to do nothing."

I cut out Gaius's replies because Merlin's lines are more important here. The 'something terrible' and the one that's 'bad, really bad' refer to letting Mordred be executed.

Meanwhile the 'something even worse' and 'it's unthinkable' refer to Arthur's death in the future.

He decides to do nothing as we know, he decides to let Mordred die, right up until Mordred pleads with him through telepathy.

That's the S1 Merlin we're dealing with.

Maybe if you took him from Ep1 or pre-S1 yeah he'd act differently, but S1 Merlin is as much defined by Arthur's impending death as S5 Merlin is.

The only difference is between them, S1 Merlin has destiny propelling him forward just a little more than S5 Merlin does. Whether by love or sheer dedication, S5 Merlin is even prepared to push aside his own freedom to save Arthur's life, just to condemn Mordred to death.

Would S1 Merlin do any different?

No, no I don't think he would. Not if he saw the vision, not if he saw Arthur fall.

S5 Merlin is defined by what he saw in the pool, he's defined by seeing what he believes is Arthur's death (not yet knowing he would survive for days after acquiring that wound)

If S1 Merlin, or even S2, 3, or 4 saw that same vision? I don't think they would do any differently.

Maybe he had more hope earlier on, sure, but that would be missing the way that S5 Merlin hopes. He tells both Mordred and Finna that it "won't always be like this". He hopes for freedom as much as S1 Merlin does, he's just more prepared to prioritise Arthur.

But isn't that what he's always done? S2, when he struggles to lie, but still does lie to Arthur about Morgause and his mother - He's thanked for reminding Arthur that sorcerers are evil.

The way he acts just before telling the lie is so similar to his expressions when he's about say "There can be no place for magic in Camelot" in S5Ep5.

That's the thing. I know I bang on about how S5 Merlin is so much darker and he is, he grew up after all. But I truly think if S1 Merlin saw that vision, nothing would have changed.

Nothing. Not even his actions with the Disir. Why would he, if there's a chance to try and kill Mordred Merlin always took it. Or tried to as much as he could.

S2 Merlin, put in S5 Merlin's shoes, might even edge closer to murder, that man tripped that kid up in the hope that two guards would kill him, and instead watched as Mordred killed the guards instead.

What, Merlin was innocent back in earlier seasons? That boy, that man, he was never innocent, man was down to murder from his very first day in Camelot.

So yes, S5 Merlin has ten years give or take of saving Arthur and setting aside his freedom, and that did indeed darken him and change him and mould him, but S1 Merlin already had enough experience that nothing would change.

Merlin was always going to condemn Mordred, he barely knew him early on after all, and later, he already had the knowledge of the vision.

Let's not forget that in S5, Merlin says he likes Mordred, but that he can't ignore what he saw. That he can't save the life of a man destined to kill Arthur, that he can't ignore what the dragon said. That Finna was right, he cannot trust Mordred, not after all he's been told.

I don't think any Merlin could do any differently if he was told all that, and shown Camlann.

There's no such thing as an innocent Merlin, not when it comes to Arthur's life. We can say he became too blinded, but in S4 he killed Agravaine, used dark magic to lock away Morgana's magic for a time, and took away Arthur's free will. S3 is a little harder, but he did command Kilgharrah against his will. S2 Merlin is easy, he tried to kill Mordred, and morbidly held Morgana as she was dying to the water he poisoned. S1 Merls is just people dying left and bloody right. Nimueh, god should we ever forget about the way he killed Nimueh. She fucking exploded.

All this to say, S5 Merlin didn't abandon his values because he already did that when they all first met Mordred. He just became more and more set, darker and darker over time. But if any version of himself was given that vision by the Vates, it's over, it's so over, because that's all it took.

To see Arthur fall, that's all it took. It's all it would ever take.

#bbc merlin #merlin #look look just hear me out here #s5 merlin might go brrrr on the whole matter of Arthur #in a way that is different #but like i dont think if he was put in those shoes earlier on that it would be different #like really thinking about it - Merlin was always down to try and get Mordred killed #that's like his whole thing with Mordred #and I understand that #I don't blame him I cant because I understand the difficult position he was in #here's this kid and later older boy/man who is gonna kill someone who he's really close to #friends with soulmates with you know #like yeah he's gonna put Arthur above Mordred every day of the week #because Mordred is nothing in comparison - Arthur is everything to him #there's sometimes i feel like over the years i read things in this fandom about how it's all Merlin's fault for condemning Mordred but it's #like okay cool - but he was never gonna act differently that's just not in his character #He would never turn his back on destiny or prophecy visions and whatnot #in fact it's often Gaius saying there are many futures that steers Merlin wrong #silly Gaius not knowing of Arthur's fate - the never ending circle :P #still it's important to really look at Merlin and appreciate this is just how he is #from the very moment Kilgharrah implied that Mordred would be Arthur's death - Merlin was set to do everything he could #and the second Mordred came back into their lives - after he saw the vision - what could he do? what could he bloody do? #im still surprised to this day that he didnt just try directly - i mean i know why he still has morals but i think he was close #Merlin would have always done this that's the thing no matter at what stage - this was exactly who he was #someone prepared to do anything to protect the people he loves - not just Arthur - like again Nimueh Nimueh Nimueh #oh my god Nimueh - do you guys ever watch Merlin kill her from time to time - it's so brutal - I think that's the moment he's at his #scariest like even some of the darker S5 scenes dont match up to that