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hanna-symphony · 1 year

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How to Support Someone Who Has Experienced Trauma

Reference: https://bit.ly/3M0UJ9A

Supporting someone who has experienced trauma can be a difficult and sensitive task.

Here are some tips to help you support someone who has experienced trauma:

1. Predictability: Providing a sense of predictability and routine can help create a safe and stable environment for someone who has experienced trauma. This can include establishing regular times for meals, activities, and self-care, as well as communicating clearly about any changes in plans or schedules.

2. Space: It's important to give the person who has experienced trauma the space they need to process their emotions and thoughts. This means respecting their boundaries, avoiding pushing them to talk about things they're not ready to discuss, and allowing them to take breaks when they need them.

3. Perspective: Offering a broader perspective can help the person who has experienced trauma see that they're not alone and that their experience is part of a larger context. This can involve providing information about trauma and its effects, as well as helping the person connect with others who have had similar experiences.

4. Reciprocity: Building a relationship based on reciprocity can help the person who has experienced trauma feel valued and supported. This means being willing to listen and offer support when they need it, but also allowing them to provide support to you in return.

5. Recalibration: Trauma can disrupt a person's sense of safety and control, so helping them to recalibrate and feel more in control can be helpful. This can involve setting small, achievable goals, providing opportunities for them to make choices, and helping them build new skills and coping strategies.

6. Support: Providing emotional and practical support is key in helping someone who has experienced trauma. This can include being a good listener, offering words of encouragement, providing tangible assistance when needed, and helping them connect with professional support resources if necessary.

7. Choice: Empowering the person who has experienced trauma to make their own choices can help them feel more in control and less helpless. This can involve offering them choices about their daily routine, encouraging them to express their preferences and opinions, and respecting their decisions even if you don't necessarily agree with them.

8. Attribution: It's important to recognise that the person who has experienced trauma is not defined by their trauma. Helping them attribute their positive qualities and strengths to themselves, rather than simply to their trauma, can be empowering and validating. This can involve pointing out their accomplishments and positive attributes, and reminding them that they are not defined by what has happened to them.

Remember that supporting someone who has experienced trauma can be emotionally taxing for you as well. Make sure to take care of your own emotional and mental wellbeing by seeking support for yourself if needed.

Visit our website for more details:

https://mareecutlernaroba.com/

#movingforward #purpose #hope #journeyofrecovery #complextraumarecovery

#hannah<support

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traumatized-motherfuckers · 3 years

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CPTSD and Core Beliefs (Your lens, built on traumatic fuckery)

Alright, so you know I have this Patreon thing that I try to make worth your while in return for your economical help. One of the benefits is the good ole’ monthly ask me anything. And I love it. Because the questions are great. And they push me to dig into topics that I was procrastinating. This month’s AMA is a particularly good one! A question that needs to be addressed, anyways. So it’s perfect. Let’s aim for two birds with one stone.

Our good friend Cassie - you know her by now - asks, how do you identify core beliefs and start to change them? Which is a very simple and very complicated question.

So, to take a step backwards, what she talkin’ bout?

Well, one of the internal issues that complex trauma sufferers have to rectify is their belief system. Between our core beliefs and our inner critic, we have a lot going on in between our ears to keep us downtrodden and destitute.

We’re talking about what I call Fucked Up Core Beliefs here… which are your trauma-born core beliefs. Again, called FUCBs because when you discover them, you’ll likely whisper to yourself, “wow, that’s actually really fucked up.” These sentiments are like the lenses that you surgically stitched onto your face several decades ago in response to your upbringing, as your little mammal brain tried to understand its place in the global hierarchy and how to be chill about it.

The framework you built from your early development and beyond, that all information still filters through today - both on the way in and on the way out of your head. The words that stream through your brain consciously or subconsciously to shape the ways you appraise… everything. Yourself, your life, your past, your future, other people, and everything that happens in between.

So, essentially, talking about the ways you interpret your existence and the collected pool of knowledge from where you make decisions, and therefore the ways you act. If this is starting to sound like a big deal - it is!

But it don’t come with a big flashing sign. The Challenge

These beliefs are challenging to figure out because:

One, they were adapted early on in your life in an effort to understand the circumstances around you or directly downloaded from the sentiments expressed in your environment. When you were first establishing your perspective of the universe and trying to figure out how to navigate it based on the clues presented.

Plus, the harder part is… because of the early adoption, you’ve already accepted the idea for so long that it doesn’t even seem like a “belief” to you - you’re not choosing it and it’s probably not apparent to you - it’s just the secret narrative running in your head that corrupts all later data. Not cognitive thoughts that you’re directing on purpose. You probably don’t have recollections of the time before you believed such and such to question what you believe - these ideas are solidified in your head with as much certainty as the alphabet.

So, you might believe you’re a worthless piece of shit as a function of the neglect and abuse you experienced, a way to explain the mistreatment to yourself from a young age… OR you might believe you’re a worthless piece of shit because mom, dad, sister, and society directly told you so. But either way, many years down the line, it’s difficult to pinpoint either of these originating factors as memories fade or to even question the validity of the thought… or to even notice the thought.

Two, if your family of origin was always repeating the same sort of thoughts and you later associate with people who make you comfortable to be around (i.e. probably have some similar views of the world), you have nothing to compare your beliefs to.

Your environment teaches you what’s normal. There’s no reference for what is and isn’t healthy, fair, or functional if everyone is drinking the same kool aid. And, unfortunately, in traumatic environments, folks seem to congregate around the fucked up beliefs to protect them with a mutual unspoken agreement. Accept the accepted narrative of the group or be outcast. The same story is replayed on repeat from all ends of your social circle, so why would you even begin to think there’s another way to look at things?

So, if mom, dad, cousin, uncle, grandma, neighbor, peer, teacher, and media are all telling you the same reality exists, how would you ever even begin to have the wherewithal to think otherwise? The thought probably never crosses your mind. The sky is blue, grass is green, and the world is a miserable place where everyone is trying to take advantage of you.

Three, again, I cannot over-express how insidious, subtle, and generalized these things can be. Fucked up core beliefs affect how you see and process everything. Again, like lenses or an instagram filter permanently applied to your corneas. So, there’s not necessarily one life-effect linked to one-FUCB for easy detection or one event that will cause a clear-as-day defined belief to come shooting to the top of the pile. More like, you very slowly realize you have an unhealthy view or twenty about yourself and the world that have sorrrrrtof impacted every single area of your life now that you spend years considering it.

Thinking you’re a worthless piece of shit, for instance, has led to you taking low-level jobs with chaotic schedules, living with an abusive partner, and settling for living in the same environment with the same behavioral patterns that you’ve known your entire life. It’s also allowed you to give up exercise, eating right, staying sober, and trying to make any life-improvements. Why bother spit polishing shit? And here you are, wondering why you feel awful about yourself and don’t enjoy anything you’ve created in your life.

But. It’s not that simple to sort out, or else we would have done it already. You probably haven’t ever purposely considered how commonly this impression is operating below the surface of your actions. Realizing that the belief “I’m a worthless piece of shit who deserves nothing” and trying to change it would be like pulling out the wrong Janga block - everything it has been supporting suddenly comes tumbling down and you’re left with a real fucking mess to rebuild from the bottom up. And, to top it all off, no one ever even taught you how to create a sturdier structure in the first place.

Fourthly, from some of my own learnings, I’ve come to the conclusion that the core belief, itself, doesn’t even have to present itself at any point to be making a difference in your life. They are so deeply ingrained in my brain that my thought center just naturally uses them as a jumping off point, without even directly touching on the words that might ping my brain as unusual. Just like we can subtly detect risks in our environment that set off our warning bells without ever creating a conscious thought to go with the arousal, I feel like I can apply a core belief to my world without ever noticing the accompanying stream of consciousness.

Sometimes I feel like fucked up core beliefs have become so accepted over time that they’re feelings more than cognitions. As if they’ve become so reflexive through repetition that you have muscle memory - an intuitive response that bypasses your logical brain recognition threshold and jumpstarts shittily-related thoughts… and those will actually register on your thinking scale. But at that point, you accept the novel-feeling thought and never note that it was actually spawned by a very old recording.

Which is to say, you might have to work on identifying your fucked up core feelings before you can get to the thought deeply buried underneath. Taking a meta break from the episode to tell you, I’ve never thought about that so thoroughly before. But Fucked Up Core Feelings definitely sounds like a solid description of my world. I guess we also have FUCFs to go with our FUCBs from now on. Anyways.

With all of this in mind, I’m sure you can start to see why these fucked up core beliefs are a big problem. Hell, if you’ve listened to this podcast for more than a few episodes, you’ve definitely heard that I’m still challenged by my own. Like, when I say that I’m freaking out because no one should listen to me and I feel like an imposter - I believe that I’m not good enough to share information with people. That I’m too flawed to even express myself. This is a problem for, say, podcasting. Or, living. And I have to fight it all the time.

Long story short.

Your core beliefs are sneaky, they can be comprehensive, and they are hardwired into your brain as your default system for analyzing everything on the planet. Again, kind of like looking for goggles strapped to your face, but in reality you had lasik surgery about 30 years ago.

So, if you aren’t constantly on the lookout for core beliefs and actively working against your pre-programmed ways of assessing yourself and the world around you… they will get out of control, cause a fair amount of avoidance and defeat, and set you back several steps in your mental health management… plus, potentially your entire life, if you make any big decisions out of this unhealthy mindset. Which you will, because that’s how the brain works. I’m almost certain that you have some experience with this already.

If you ever think things like: The world is a dangerous placePeople are cruelI’m not good enough I’m not smart enoughI’m not enoughI’m brokenOther people don’t like meThere’s something wrong with my personalityI’m not allowed to… (live like others, have nice things, be happy)I’m not one of those people who… (has money, has good luck, gets what they want)Shit is just harder for meNothing ever works outLife is always hardI can’t.

Then you’ve had some fucked up core beliefs floating around in your head.

These are some super broad ones for the sake of demonstration, so don’t disregard highly specific beliefs that might relate to your particular circumstances or upbringing.

If you haven’t ever noticed yourself thinking these big shitty picture things… check again in all your deepest nooks and crannies. I think a lot of us TMFRs operate from some version of the narratives above - plus, much worse. Like I keep saying, these beliefs might not be in your conscious thoughts, so much as they’re directing the show from behind the curtain.

How do we pull it back? Discover the beliefs ........

Keep reading or listen up at t-mfrs.com

https://www.t-mfrs.com/podcast/episode/532f2b1c/core-beliefs

#cptsd #complex ptsd #complex trauma #complextraumarecovery #healingcomplextrauma #complextrauma #complexptsd #cptsd problems #cpstd #just cptsd things #actually CPTSD #cptsdsurvivor

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queenofallwitches · 5 years

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#complexptsd #cptsd #cptsdrecovery #complextrauma #complextraumarecovery #motherwound #healing #innerchildwork #innerchild #developmentaltrauma #trauma #traumarecovery #ptsd #ptsdrecovery #dissociative identity disorder #complex ptsd

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pokingholes-cptsdwarrior · 5 years

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I felt compelled to help others as soon as I realized what happened to me. Wow. I've never thought about it this way before, but it makes a lot of sense. #cptsd #complexptsd #developmentaltrauma #childhoodtrauma #trauma #ptsd #childhoodptsd #cptsdrecovery from @cptsdfoundation - The sad thing that many of us empaths don’t realize is that often our desire to heal others is a disguised cry for help for our own healing. Because many of us weren’t taught how to value or nurture ourselves at a young age, we tend to unconsciously seek out our own healing in the healing of others. #empaths #narcissists #nuture #MentalHealthCare #RecoveryJourney #TraumaTherapy #TraumaRecovery #SelfAwareness #SafeSpace #BetterThoughts #HealingJourney #ComplexTraumaRecovery #Boundaries #BecauseWeAreWorthIt #ACEs #ComplexTrauma #boundaries #AdverseChildhoodExp #Mindfulnes #Selflove #GentleReminder #RecoveryIsPossible #NoMoreShame #YouAreEnough #YouAreNotAlone #Fear #CPTSDfoundation https://www.instagram.com/p/BzvX1sdA98N/?igshid=1qaws4jabqu46

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mccounselling · 3 years

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Perception is how we interpret the world from the information we have available to us that goes through our nervous system, which in turn results from physical or chemical stimulation of the sensory system. (Source: Wikipedia) If you have long-term addiction present in your life, change is possible. The perception you have may have developed is that it is too scary or impossible. A diagnosis of addiction and believing it is a disease will surely help you to believe that change is not possible and that would be your perception. Just like my previous post with the King Parrots who I thought would fly away before I had the chance to capture them on film, my perception changed, so can yours. If you change your perception of addiction, understanding that addiction is not a disease, you can recover. How does that make you feel? Change is a decision, followed by action. Change your perception, change your life. DM to start Holistic Addiction Recovery (Counselling) and Mental Health Counselling and become the best version of yourself. Holistic Addiction and Mental Health Counselling starts from your soul and helps you to work through the issues (trauma, anxiety, depression etc) that have led to long-term addiction. I’m always available 24/7. DM or call +61488435763 and I will help you. Isn’t it time you lived your best life? Mike Carroll 8.7.2021 #perception #perceptioniseverything #changeyourperception #anxiety #anxietyrelief #depression #depressionhelp #trauma #traumarecovery #complextrauma #complextraumarecovery #addiction #addictionrecovery #addictionisnotadisease #holistic #holistichealing #holisticwellness #wellness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthrecovery #counselling #therapy #therapist #recoveryispossible #mccounselling https://www.instagram.com/p/CRCt6dCMu29/?utm_medium=tumblr

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spacesnail91 · 3 years

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“I'm a self-proclaimed Bitch I'm never going to allow someone to push me and get away with it. The only thing I changed is how I deliver my blow instead of cruel and intimidating I will do it classy and wise. My point will be made and I will walk away. That's that.” ~ Journey Through Madness @spacesnail91 #bitchyquotes #classybitch #complextraumarecovery #cptsd #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #donttestme #fightmode #healingjourney #strongwomen #womanpower https://www.instagram.com/p/COnbTPfFj8Q/?igshid=12a90w8b0hcuy

#bitchyquotes #classybitch #complextraumarecovery #cptsd #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #donttestme #fightmode #healingjourney #strongwomen #womanpower

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complexptsdrecovery · 3 years

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How fantastic is this idea!! Need help regulating your emotions? Rewatch a face show or movie! #complextraumarecovery @justgirlproject https://www.instagram.com/p/CNx4atJHprL/?igshid=lzufwzb99m4y

#complextraumarecovery

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oceanstone · 2 years

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Self-Help Books

Productivity

Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds by David Goggins

No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline by Brian Tracy

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear

The Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande

Unreasonable Success and How to Achieve It by Richard Koch

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Little Black Book by Otegha Uwagba

Time Management in 20 Minutes a Day by Holly Reisem Hanna

Write it Down and Make It Happen

The 12 Week Year

The 15 Secrets Successful People Know About Time Management

Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman

How to Begin by Michael Bungay Stainer

Physical Health

WomanCode: Perfect Your Cycle, Amplify Your Fertility, Supercharge Your Sex Drive, and Become a Power Source by Alisa Vitti

Mental Health

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz

Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook

The Inner Child Workbook by Cathryn Taylor

Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig

The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves by Curt Thompson

The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Sonya Renee Taylor

ADHD

You Mean I'm Not Stupid, Lazy, or Crazy?! A Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo

Women with Attention-Deficit Disorder: Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life by Sari Salden

What the ADHD Brain Wants—and Why by Dr. Ellen Littman (pdf)

Finally Focused: The Breakthrough Natural Treatment Plan for ADHD That Restores Attention, Minimizes Hyperactivity, and Helps Eliminate Drug Side Effects by Dr. James Greenblatt

* Living with ADHD: Simple Exercises to Change Your Daily Life by Thom Hartmann

Thriving with Adult ADHD: Skills to Strengthen Executive Functioning by Phil Boster

Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn't Designed for You by Jenara Nerenberg

Screwed Up Somehow But Not Stupid, Life with a Learning Disability by Peter Flom

Trauma

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

Polyvagal Flip Chart: Understanding the Science of Safety by Deb A. Dana

Taming Your Outer Child: Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Healing from Abandonment by Susan Anderson

My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem

Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve by Stanley Rosenberg

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsey Gibson

@complextraumarecovery bookshelf

Healing Developmental Trauma by Lawrence Heller

Waking the Tiger by Peter A. Levine

The Pocket Guide to Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges

Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection by Deb Dana

Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman

Call of the Wild: How We Heal Trauma, Awaken Our Own Power, and Use it for Good by Kimberly Ann Johnson

Trauma and Memory by Peter Levine

Stephen Porges work

Nurturing Resilience by Kathy Kain and Stephen Terrell

Relationships

Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood

Break Your Addiction to a Person by Howard Halpern

Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Sudan Peabody

Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships by Patrick Carnes

The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships by Dr. Diane Poole Heller

Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

Love is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships by Thomas Hemfelt

Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment by Bethany Saltman

Gaslighting by Stephanie Sarkis

Boundaries by Anne Katherine

Models by Mark Manson

Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab

Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft

I Want This to Work by Elizabeth Earnshaw

The Adult Psychotherapy Homework Planner

Me, You, Us: A Book to Fill Out Together by Lisa Currie

The Will to Change by bell hooks

Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendricks

Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin

Games People Play by Eric Berne

The Chemistry Between Us by Larry Young

Men Are From Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray

Cats Don’t Chase Dogs by Kara King

Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

No More Assholes by Chantal Heide

Pussy: A Reclamation by Regena Thomashauer

The Power of the Pussy by Kara King

Why Men Behave Badly by David Buss

Safe People by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

The Deep Life

The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life by David Brooks

Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality by Anthony De Mello

Sick Souls, Healthy Minds: How William James Can Save Your Life by John Kaag

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle

The Defining Decade by Meg Jay

Authenticity

The Likeability Trap: How to Break Free and Succeed as You Are by Alicia Menendez

I Thought It Was Just Me (but It Isn’t) by Brené Brown

Career

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith

How Women Rise by Sally Hegelsen

Own It: The Power of Women at Work by Sallie Krawcheck

No-Fail Communication by Michael Hyatt

Leadership on the Line by Ronald Heifetz

Purple Cow

Dream Manager

7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Quantum Success

Influencer

Decide

Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office

Switchers by Dawn Graham

The Seven Minute Productivity Solution by John Brando

Entry Level Boss by Alexa Shoen

Mindfulness

How to Breathe: 25 Simple Practices for Calm, Joy, and Resilience by Ashley Neese

Money

Unfuck Your Finances by Melissa Browne

Broke Millenial

I Will Teach You to Be Rich

Clever Girl Finance

We Should All Be Millionaires

Parenting

Expecting Better by Emily Oster

Cribsheet by Emily Oster

The Family Firm: A Data-Driven Guide to Better Decision Making in the Early School Years by Emily Oster

Grief

The Beauty of What Remains: How Our Greatest Fear Becomes Our Greatest Gift by Steve Leder

#content #books #nonfiction #self help

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traumatized-motherfuckers · 3 years

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Friendship Dissolutions; A Lesson in Asshole Trauma Reactions

So this is normally my school day, but I’m feeling the need to dig into something else this morning. The past events of this weekend, annnnd the past nearly two years. Because, if you hadn’t heard, relationships are hard and I like to embarrass myself by telling you about all my fuck ups.

You know, romantic relationships are a disaster for yours truly, but I always thought I was pretty good at the friendship thing. Since high school I’ve almost always had robust friendly relationships - both in depth and breadth. With the exception of a few difficult points in my life since 16, my phone has never been quiet, my weekends have only been isolating when I’ve been isolating myself, and I’ve always felt like I had humans on my side who were closer to kin than my actual family.

The thing is, there have been periods when this hasn’t been the case. I want to say that it’s generally when I’m in my worst mental health downfalls, but I don’t think that’s universally true. There have been variable reasons for separating myself from other people, or vice versa. Sometimes getting too busy, sometimes naturally growing apart, sometimes getting too obsessed with a romantic partner.

But, taking a more analytical view, underlying my lost friendship events, trauma has often been one of the influences that corrupted my friendships and left me lonely, even if it doesn’t seem like it at face value. The thing is, the trail of breadcrumbs might go back 20 years or so. I might not have been in a full-blown trauma state at the time, but those early life non-learnings about relationships have left their mark. So, yes, I do believe that CPTSD is the prerequisite for interpersonal disruptions and we’re not alone in that.

Anyways, in this Fucker’s life, for the past almost 2 years I’ve been in one of those friendship lulls. I’ve had casual friends, roommates, work-associates, distant relationships, some of those hey-how’s-it-going-every-two-months relations. But I haven’t had those deep, rich, all-encompassing friendships that used to define my existence. The ones that used to make me feel safe enough to have an existence, at all.

It’s all because I lost my core group of friends, I didn’t understand and couldn’t fix the problem, and I had no idea how to move forward.

And this last time when I lost everyone I loved, it was definitely due to trauma. Acute, historical, and recovering trauma, to be specific. It was a horrible period of my life, I was a human wrecking ball, and I had no emotional control… because, partially thanks to said friends, I never had to develop those skills.

Basically, I’ve been on my own since a whole series of mental health related isolation events and relationships dissolutions that have persisted since - I want to say 2019 - but to be more holistic, the ship started sailing earlier than that. Like, when I was born.

This has all come to mind more than usual because, this weekend? I had a strange rush of humans back into my life. For the first time in a long time, I saw my best, closest, most important old friends, who were closer to siblings…. In our natural habitat, with our normal friendship routines, with hundreds of memories from the past decade flying around the room.

And today… or, realistically, since I tried to go to sleep after seeing them each day this weekend… I have the relationship reckoning to deal with. The emotional and cognitive processing of everything that’s happened. The lost years. The sense of abandonment. The feeling of being cast out of a family. The inkling that everyone was talking about me. The realization that I was acting a fool, and maybe they should be talking about me. The sense that all parties were partially responsible, but I was the one to blame. The voice in my head that has called me a crazy, miserable, unlovable mess the entire time I debated this at 6am and 6pm and 3am for the past several years.

And now, in the aftermath, I have to work through the dynamic cocktail of feelings, the sense of waiting for the other shoe, and the big decision - are these relationships that I feel secure pursuing again?

And I don’t think I’m alone in this one.

So, today I thought it would be good to talk about this. The history of losing my favorite people on the planet, how I perceived it at the time, how I see my own trauma-actions fucking shit up in hindsight, how I’ve forgiven myself for being such a wild one, and… well… my hesitancy to have close friendships with humans who hurt me in the past. The ways I realized that being separate was beneficial to my mental health and life progress. The self-sabotaging enablement patterns that I now recognize, ran deep, in our old group of friends. The fear that being around them again will let my trauma brain run away with me.

Woo - it’s a whole personal relationship reckoning over here. Let’s just do this, so I can get to my school work at some point soon.

History

So let me set up this situation. You need the background details, of which, there are many dramatic twists and turns.

Be me, Spring of 2019. My romantic relationship with my ex in Atlanta - the musical narcissist that I followed to the city - is going terribly. Since we moved things have been rocky, but now our relationship has been pumped full of disappointment, unfair expectations, emotional codependency, resentment, horrific fighting, and abuse of all colors. Every day is a battle. We’re rarely ever “happy” together. We’re closer to enemies than friends. And we live under the same roof - the one his parents bought for him, outright in cash - to make matters even more fun.

Other than him, I’m alone in this city. I work at the brewery, where no one really likes me. I have one friend from work, but little time to interact thanks to the demanding schedule of my ex with his gigs and out-of-state child visitation.

Financially, my savings have been depleted by floating my significant other’s horrible decisions for the past 2 years. We can never get ahead. He never pays me back for anything. I’m basically in his pocket, as far as needing resources to survive.

As you can imagine, and as I’ve described previously, my mental health is in THE SHITTER. Maybe worse than it’s ever been, although this is hard to judge against some of my earlier years in my 20’s. I’m definitely ramped up in an aggressive and defensive trauma state more than ever before, thanks to living with my aggressor every day. I feel like I’m surviving against the will of my partner, who seems to legitimately be doing his best to drive me into an early grave every single time the sun rises. He’s moved into the territory of intentionally triggering me for hours on end, upsetting me to the point of mental breakdowns, and then gaslighting me for “acting so crazy.” Things have become dangerous, I have no one to turn to, and no cash to get myself into a better situation… not that I know what a better situation even looks like.

But one day, I left. Packed my two bags, went to work, wound up at that single sort-of-friend’s house, never went back home.

And that’s when the real nightmare started. I mean, my ex was a terror over time as we lived together, but a narcissist scorned is a narcissist determined to ruin your fucking life. He harassed me daily via text, phone call, FB messenger, email, stalkings… whatever you can think of. When I blocked him on everything, he started trying to leverage our therapists against me until they refused to interact anymore. He wouldn’t let me into his house to get my stuff. He tried to have me arrested for attempting to do so, after he made arrangements with me to move that weekend. He suddenly refused to even acknowledge that he owed me a dime, and found a way to tally up venmo transactions to show that I actually owed him. He took my only support - our dog, who was really my dog - away and wouldn’t let me see him. Later, he reported my car stolen, so I had to purchase a new one without warning.

The list goes on and on. Just, assume every pathetic, cruel, desperate attempt at getting under someone’s skin and reminding them that they had the audacity to leave you. That’s what was going on in my world.

Meanwhile, with those financial and social pressures I mentioned earlier. No close friends in the area, no spare cash, an unstable job where I was on the chopping block for the reason of ��the CEO didn’t like my personality,” nowhere to live, no idea where to go next or how to start a whole new life.

Annnnnd this is right about when my closely knit friend group back in Illinois sort of, well, dipped.

My bestest, best, most treasured friend in my lifetime had always been there for me. But now, she wasn’t. We had exchanged a handful of phone calls over the past month in the aftermath of this relationship ending, but she had been pretty detached from it. I wasn’t offended, because she had certainly heard enough of the drama in real time… of course she was tired of hearing about it... but I was feeling especially alone and incapable of handling everything on my own, so the distance was difficult, nevertheless. Then, one day she told me that I was being too much for her. I had too high of expectations. It had been bothering her for a while. She needed me to understand and give her some space.

And this was the completely avoidable beginning of the end of my friendships. Let’s talk about why.

How I perceived it

So, I’m pretty sure you can guess how I took this challenging message from my best friend. Uh, poorly. I was so shocked that in my darkest hour, my comrade would feel like my problems were out of her paygrade. It felt like a stab to the heart and straight down through the gut. Here I was, completely alone and isolated, reaching back to my most trusted companions for a lifeline to keep my head above water, and… nothing. She didn’t want to reel me back into the boat.

I responded with some shitty messages about how I really wasn’t asking that much from her and I didn’t appreciate being blindsided by her sudden decision to get rid of me. I had only taken up a few phone calls to talk things through based on her schedule. I had visited her one weekend as I went to a job interview nearby. I had asked her to come visit me soon, so I could feel less alone for a few days. I didn’t think it was fair that she was responding this way. I couldn’t believe she would turn her back on me at this particular moment.

And so, the rift developed. We stopped speaking. I started sobbing. I was absolutely beside myself, as if I hadn’t already been. This wasn’t what I wanted, at all, but I also felt like I had no control in it.

.......

Like it? Well I’m too lazy to post the whole thing here. Check t-mfrs.com for the full blog AND the podcast recorded version. Yawelcome.

www.t-mfrs.com

(Traumatized Motherfuckers)

#cptsd #cptsd problems #actually CPTSD #cptsdsurvivor #just cptsd things #Complex Trauma #complexptsd #complextrauma #complextraumarecovery #healingcomplextrauma

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traumatized-motherfuckers · 4 years

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My inner critic always made me want to give up on life. Then, I learned to control that shit.

My old narrative:

I’m difficult

I make everyone’s life harder

I’m unwanted everywhere

This is just another thing to hate about me

I can’t do anything right

I’m always an outsider

I’m never going to feel better.

There’s no point in trying.

After a few hours of this, I would be a depressed, suicidal, self-hating mess. Ready to lay in bed with a jar of peanut butter until time stopped.

Sound familiar?

(Sorry motherfucker)

Know, you ain’t fucking with trauma alone. A lot of us are on a similar self-hating, self-sabotaging path. But it can get better (I know, fuck me).

Read the entire article HERE! Join the community, read more trauma sass.

You traumatized motherfucker, you.

#trauma #complex trauma #complextrauma #traumarecovery #complextraumarecovery #innercritic #shititellmyself #innervoice #innerbully #my inner demons #selfhate #self-hate

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traumatized-motherfuckers · 4 years

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FB-submitted Q&A.

A: Well... therapy was a huge start. Having someone point out the things I said that were based on traumatizing past experiences and fucked up core beliefs helped me to start questioning all the words streaming between my ears.

Turns out, a lot of them were self-defeating and self-deprecating nonsense!

The extremely unsilent majority.

Then I started challenging it. For my brain to take itself seriously, I must journal, so I would literally write out reasonable questions and then answer myself...

"Is this a fair thought? Is there evidence for this? Are you basing this on one particular person/experience? Are you extrapolating about the future based on your dumb past?"

When it was written out with pen and paper, it was was pretty easy to see all the ways I was (pardon me) fucking myself with irrational fears, self-hate, and snowballing assumptions.

I was letting my past 30ish years of trauma dictate who I would always be, because that's all I expected for myself... and if that's what you expect, that's what you'll fucking get.

When I changed my inner monologue and took new actions that the "old Jess" would be too terrified to even consider, I suddenly had evidence that my past mindset was holding me back more than anything.

Now every single thing in my life is different; I'm actually living the life that I want.

So, you know, just do that every day for a few months/years and eventually you won't feel so doomed anymore (at least in my case).

I know it sounds depressing and near-impossible... but that's part of how I kicked agoraphobia, abusive relationships and a terrible existence. It's certainly a process.

☔

TLDR; Notice your thoughts, correct them every single time they come up, and trust the external evidence that you see when you act out of self-love and bravery! Repeat constantly.

☔

Don't stay silent! DM your trauma questions, progress, and lessons learned. Share your story so others can connect!

😀

#trauma #complextrauma #healingtrauma #traumarecovery #ptsd #cptsd #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #healptsd #healcptsd #complextraumarecovery #healingcomplextrauma #selfhealing

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traumatized-motherfuckers · 4 years

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#trauma #complex trauma #complextrauma #depression #anxiety #depressionproblems #depressedliving #complextraumarecovery #traumarecovery #ptsdlife #lifewithmentalillness #mental help

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complexptsdrecovery · 3 years

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What do you do to recharge?! #complextraumarecovery https://www.instagram.com/p/CNjMCliHI-v/?igshid=36rm5qri5u98

#complextraumarecovery

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complexptsdrecovery · 3 years

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I had reached a stage in my recovery where I knew the answers to “who am I?” “Why am I here?” yet consistent mental and physical health evaded me. Then came the game changer when I learnt about the neuroscience behind trauma. From that point I began to apply it to my recovery and three years later I’m at the beginning of a whole new chapter of wellness. I discovered these infographics today and knew you’d enjoy the information too. With thanks to @the.brain.guy 🧠 - If we are speaking the language of the scientifically inclined, amongst other things; we talk about different types of fields. If we are speaking the language of those who are spiritually inclined, we talk about different levels of consciousness. Both can be the language of truth however. @the.brain.guy __ 🧠 - From a rigid & limited view of understanding, we may say that the mind is in the brain, exclusively in the brain & nowhere else. The truth is that there is simply always more to complete the picture. The ‘mind’ is in all the cells of the body. In fact the mind is so expansive & so all encompassing that it is not actually limited or contained to being local to within the body. The mind is where we experience emotions, feelings and desires. . 🧠 - Our whole body is made up of this mind: a cell in your small intestine has its own emotions and feelings and desires that it expresses in a unique chemical language in exactly the same way as the brain does when it experiences emotions, feelings and desires. When we say we have a gut feeling about something, the gut makes the same chemicals in the same way that the brain does when it thinks. When we say that the heart is heavy with sadness, then the heart is literally loaded with the same chemicals that we experience in the brain when we happen to be bathed in those emotions of sadness. When we are bursting with joy then even the skin is loaded with imipramine which is an anti-depressant which psychiatrists give to their patients when they are depressed. Every cell has a mind and the mind is expressing emotions and desires and feelings. #complexptsd #ifs #complextraumarecovery #anxiety #depression #emotionalneglect https://www.instagram.com/p/CM9P8nDHani/?igshid=4i7gx3f1fbkk

#complexptsd #ifs #complextraumarecovery #anxiety #depression #emotionalneglect

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